title
stringlengths 1
300
| content
stringlengths 1
39k
⌀ | score
int64 0
6.38k
|
|---|---|---|
i didn’t relapse today, even thought i’m in a really bad place
|
(tw: self harm)
i (20f) self harmed a lot when i was younger, but i’ve been relatively clean for a while (i don’t really count the time for a lot of reasons). i have pmdd, which makes me really depressed and borderline suicidal before my period. going through that right now as well as a huge fight/issue with my bf, feeling completely alone. a few times today i contemplated it, but i never gave in. just needed someone to know as i have no one to tell :)
| 1 |
i am SO much better than my cousin
|
my cousin is pretty, shes skinny, has a ton of friends, im fat, ugly, and have little friends. i was always so jealous of her, im finally starting to realize i don't have to be pretty to be better, shes rude to people and i am not, she makes fun of people and i do not, she insults my insecurities that i told her about to sound cool around her friends, i never did that. she calls everyone that isnt her beauty standard ugly, yet i see beauty in everyone. i do not judge people like she does. i used to always be the loser older cousin who hangs around her or her and her friends cause i was lonley, but i dont need that. i always put her first because i thought she had some sort of authority because of her looks. she doesnt. just because i am overweight, or not the beauty standard like she is that doesnt make me any less. i can fix my weight, and my acne, and my lazy eye. she cannot fix her negative attitude towards life and towards people. im convinced she will forever be a stuck up self centered person. i am better then her mentally. maybe not physically but mentally i am SO much better.
| 0 |
I'm jealous of my friend who is in a mental hospital
|
I feel angry that my friend is able to be in this place, and that he has made some really deep personal connections with other people there. I want to be in one really badly because I struggle with my mental health, but I simply can't abandon all my bloody responsibilities to go be there. He's in there because he tried to kill himself, and obviously that upsets me greatly, but he's so happy now that it makes me a bit jealous. Always makes me wonder why it's okay for him to get support, for him to abandon his responsibilities and to just chill in there while I'm out here rotting away, trying to make everyone else happy.
Sometimes I want to attempt suicide just so I can be locked up like him, but the difference in our situations is that my parents would cover this up and would probably lock me at home rather than let me get help. My friend seems so carefree there. His only responsibility is to look after himself and get better and to make new friends. But in my life I have to take care of my parents' business, look after my sibling, work my job and also go to uni. It's too much, and it makes me jealous that he has a simple way out, while I just have to suffer.
Yes, I know that I can't estimate how much pain he is/was in, and that's why I feel terrible for being jealous. Obviously he also has significant problems, but I guess I'm just jealous of his support system because I know that I'll never have one like that. I'm not sure how to move past this jealousy and simply be happy for him that he's getting better.
| 1 |
I like someone and I can't tell her
|
I have a crush on my friend. She's so kind and talented and beautiful and completely out of my league and I had to get this off my chest because she ties my stomach in knots and leaves me feeling all gushy and flustered. I could go on and on about her and I really wanna tell her how I feel and how she makes my heart smile and my head spin but I can't say anything. Sorry this is just a jumble of thoughts, I just really needed to share this with someone.
| 1 |
I Wish Someone Loved Me
|
I was placed into foster care after growing up in an extremely abusive household, so love is very vacant in the family department. I have family members who I stay in contact with, but for the most part I've always been the odd one out. Always last to hear about something or always last to be invited to holidays. I've just tried to skip them all together. I have friends, but they only ever reach out if they are low on drugs or need a favor. It all feels surface level and like I'm a bother either way. My significant other has recently indicated to me that they never see themselves getting married, but I am sure they meant they didn't see themselves getting married to me. I don't want to leave them though because this probably the closest I will ever get to some semblance of love. It just sucks. I wish I knew what is so inherently wrong with me that makes me so unlovable so I could fix it. I just want to be loved wholly for once. I just want to be held.
| 1 |
I messed up badly and I'm very certain that my close friend is upset about it
|
Let's call my close friend, friend A
My other friend, friend B
I acknowledge that it's my fault here, I really do. I was acting very stupid
I was very selfish and it's only right for me to deserve all the things that is happening to me right now.
5 months ago, friend A and I, we had a plan where I made a fake facebook account with his name and then joined to their group chat. That kept me being updated to their conversation.
Yesterday, I intentionally forwarded some of the messages from their group chat to friend B who is also a member of their group chat just for fun. He was curious why I knew about those message and I told him that I had a "spy" when in fact I was the spy myself. Also to add something, friend A was sleeping at this time so he wasn't aware.
I didn't know how things would turn out yesterday. I looked back at their group chat and I read that they were talking about friend A. This is where I realized how stupid I was. I was really really stupid. Now they blamed friend A and it felt like he was the one taking the responsibility when i was the one responsible for everything.
So lately this morning, I noticed that they removed the fake account and they found out that it was me all along. I messaged friend A and I noticed that the way he chat is cold. I immediately apologized to him and he only read my message, and not replying to it.
I feel like a stupid person. I was a real asshole back there.
It was really all my fault and it was very embarrassing to the point that I logged off all my social media accounts because I think they are now holding a grudge against me.
| 1 |
I started a podcast.
|
I decided to start a podcast. I recorded a trailer and recorded my 1st episode. It's called Freefalling & Catterwalling.
More details later.......
| 2 |
I’m beginning to despise the person I’m becoming
|
I feel like I’ve become so angry & bitter & resentful. My mental health has taken a complete toll & I’m jealous of those who don’t have to live like this. I’m jealous of the people in my life who’s lives are progressing & have achieved so much already. I graduated with a degree that I have no clue what to do with. I possibly just put myself $90,000 in debt for nothing. I feel like I’m living the same day over & over again. I’m a cold shell who can’t relate or have an actual meaningful conversation with anyone. This makes me want to remain completely isolated & I can barely stand my own company. My thoughts are beginning to crops dangerous territory.
| 1 |
I’m disgusted in myself
|
So I started going to Asian massage parlors back in March and it began with just handjobs and then eventually led to now with sex, this was my first sexual touch in about 2 years and it was great. It helped me escape work and life stress but recently it started feeling more like something I was forcing myself to do to feel touch. I’ve been with about 10-12 women doing it and I feel disgusting doing it. I always telling myself I only wanted to get with girls I saw myself staying with but I was just so touch starved that it was a reach out to satisfy it. The last 3 times I’ve gone I’ve started feeling nauseous after and hating myself. I don’t want sex anymore, I want someone to love and love me back. I can’t do it anymore. I went today and I immediately broke into a panic attack after leaving. It was awful, Im not even attracted to these women I just want to be touched and feel something close to intimacy.. It’s breaking my mental health by doing it. I just want to be in a relationship and be able to satisfy my cravings of touch and love healthily
| 0 |
I want to remind my(24F) ex(41M) of our arrangement but could use some advice
|
Need advice on this message to send my ex
For context I started “dating” my ex when I was 17f and he was 34m. I say “dating” cause he made me tell everyone I was just a friend till I fell pregnant at 19. He wasn’t the nicest person but I grew up with abusive parents and he seem like a saint compared to them, I honestly thought I couldn’t live without him so I put up with his emotional abuse and cheating. When I was 20 he SAed my at the time 16 year old sister and her 15 year old friend after getting them dr*nk and trying to get them to take hard dr*gs. That was three years ago and we’ve been No contact with him for the last year. We kept in contact for our son but he wouldn’t stop talking about ending my sisters life for “lying” and demanded I stopped child support, $7 a fortnight. Ive told him since we started dating that I believed if the father wasn’t in the childs life he shouldn’t pay child support but that works both way which I reminded him and his response was “how long will it take?” So we’ve been NC. Today he tried adding my son on SnapChat, I made him an account to send me, my partner and his cousins photos. I blocked him but I want to send him a message to remind him of our arrangement. This is what I have your opinions would be much appreciated as I want to approach this in a way that he can’t use to villainies me to my son in the future.
Message:
“Hello BD I seen you tried to add son onto Snapchat. I have told son that we can’t talk to you right now until he his old enough to understand wrong and right and that you did some horrible things. Then and only then he can decide whether or not he wants contact with you. We cut contact with you originally because your hateful talk was upsetting not just myself but son aswell to the point he was no longer excited to talk to you and didn’t want too call, also all communication was one sided with us putting in most of the effort which is not ok. I have told you since the start of our “relationship” that I believed men who didn’t get to or want to see their kids shouldn’t pay child support but that works both way, you didn’t want to put out the $7 a fortnight for MY child and yes I say MINE because even while we were together I supported the three of us while you gambled. Please respect these already established boundaries that we spoke about a year ago. Your side of the family are more then welcome to have contact with him which I have already been allowing for the last year but the moment they start with any drama or bullshit that a young child shouldn’t be hearing or dealing with they will be blocked along side you until his old enough to handle everything. IF my boundaries are not respected and you continue to pursue contact either through your own accounts or your family members accounts I will be reinstating child support and if you fight or refuse I’ll be asking the courts for a full custody agreement and to have full parental rights, and since you have a charge against a minor/s I don’t think it’ll be much of a fight so please just respect my boundaries and wait for the day son can understand everything”
Thanks for any advice x
| 1 |
My past obession with kpop kind of ruined me
|
This may sound stupid, i know, but i wanted to write this down to 100% accept it and realize it. I've always been an overly passionate person about the things i like, such as music, tv series, books. But i realized most of things i loved were in reality a strong obession. Most of these obessions were harmless, but i really took it too far with kpop and after whole years of dening it, i've kind of accepted it. It lasted more or less 4 years.
At first it was really a strong passion and genuine interest i had towards the music genre. But soon i started relying too much on it to the point that my mood and life depended on kpop idols. In a 30sec video an idol looked sad or angry? I felt sad for entire days. I claimed the only thing keeping from taking my own life was kpop. I thought the solutions to all of my problems relied onto music. I avoided the help of a therapist because i was CONVINCED that kpop would help me so much more. At a certain point i loved kpop more than i loved my friends and also my FAMILY. I was about to get a tattoo about kpop. I really thought kpop "saved" my life. I felt like my only aim in life was to love kpop, as if i was designed for it. I would only focus on kpop rather than focusing on real ways to solve my problems. I really thought the only thing in life that made sense was kpop. My entire life was kpop. I felt that idols understood me more than my loved ones did. I felt them closer that i did with my family and friends. I felt a love-brotherhood-like affection towards them, the image they showed.
I was going through a bad time so it was reasonable to cope with music (which is something i still do but ofc in a less obsessed-way). But in this case it was no more than a toxic obession that kept me away from facing my problems for entire years.
Now that i've finally grown out of it, i see how much i let it influence me. And it was bad. Really. I'm glad i've finally matured. My problems got 3x times bigger and harder to solve, but i'll get through it somehow with real help.
Music is still really important for me and i mainly express myself through it, but i'm never, EVER, going to obsess over people i don't know, ever again. I'm never letting singers and music control me that much. At a certain point, deep down, i knew i was too obsessed, but i was in a kind of denial phase. I'm so happy that i left all that toxicity behind.
| 2 |
I am longing for some kind of physical contact…
|
I (20M) am struggling with the lack of touch. I don’t consider myself touch starved because I don’t want to be labeled. However when I come home from work there is no one to greet me, not even my cat is anywhere in sight. I stay up most nights and when I lay in bed I wish, hope, and plead that one day this will end. That I could have a heart felt hug, or someone could lean their head on my shoulder or even rub my head. On some level I feel like I deserve this because on my days off (Amazon warehouse so you know what the deal is) I like to chill inside my home, play games or even workout at the gym. I don’t like to go out, I’m not much of a drinker, and the activities around me are very catered to that way of living. I feel so lonely but I’m trying not to say that I am, I feel touch starved but don’t want to say that I am. If anyone has anything to say it will be greatly appreciated…
| 2 |
I told the doctor not to do it
|
10 years ago, I was diagnosed with a volleyball sized mass in my abdomen. I did a lot of research, and learned that there was an old-school way of addressing these that was very controversial. More or less, it is a blender to break it all up, then remove the tumor and the uterus, etc., but the issue is it can spread dangerous tissues on occasion. I told the surgeon I was concerned and I did not want him to use that method. He had a weird reaction in front of two young women residents. When they went in, turned out there was an additional baseball sized tumor they didn’t predict. Post-surgery, he bragged that he got everything out (including ovary and uterus) arthroscopically. I knew then he had to have used the blender technique. Now, I am sitting here with another painful abdominal mass that a medical provider quietly told me was due to his insistence on using that old-school technique. And yep, it might be cancer. If not, it still is very painful and will definitely require extensive surgery. Fuck that guy. Fuck every male doctor who ignores or minimizes women’s concerns.
| 94 |
😭 I have frikking piles again 😭 sore asshole it sucks
|
Last time it cost £2k to get them removed. If I do it again I'll literally have no money left. I hate having piles 😪 how did you get rid of yours? How much did it cost? Was it painful?
| 1 |
Need help.
|
My girlfriend was approached by a stranger to do dominatrix today. She received a random message about another subject and then he asked her to humiliate him. Not sure what to say or do. Never been in a situation like this
| 1 |
I worry I might not be able to have kids
|
I (17F) had mild anorexia a couple years ago and lost around 30 lbs. and my period is still kind of fucked up I think. I don't even think I really want kids, but to not even have the choice is oddly upsetting.
| 1 |
Traditional relationship gender roles
|
Is this normal? He doesn’t want to clean,cook, do laundry, change diapers, feed baby (he doesn’t want it to be expected of him, doesn’t want to do 50/50 housework although I said it would never 50/50, I just know I will need and want help, I’m human). I’ve never been serious enough with someone to talk about a marriage dynamic, so I’m unsure if all men agree with this or if this is unique to specific cultures. I’m not sure what is normal and what is not. In my household the work load and childcare was shared. His was not. He emphasizes wanting a tradition household and raising his children in a traditional house hold. We have been dating for 4 years and have been seriously considering marriage for about 1.5 years. This was never explicitly mentioned until today. His parents are also concerned about the relationship because of cultural differences and this specific “culture” within the household. We are both doctors in the beginning of our training.
| 1 |
Boyfriend of 6 years got with my best friend staying with us
|
For context: hes 24, im 22 going to be 23 and she is 35.
I let her stay with us because she was homeless in the rental crisis, I started waking up daily feeling sick and unwell... one morning I decided to follow my gut and caught them in bed together, doing you know what. This has undeniably broken me completely.
I was so angry I came home early from work the next day to just let my emotions flow, I loved this man with everything I had, he left for a 35 year old with 4 kids which aren't even his... whilst all this happens the day I get them removed by the police because a fight started between us and he grabbed me and got violent leaving me with serious bruising... I find out my pregnancy test came back positive... he had left, we can't speak and when I finally did tell him, he hung up on me...
I've been so shaken by the bruises I got a FVRO (restraining order )
Cleaning and packing the house ive found more evidence its been going on longer then that one time.. I feel so physically sick to my stomach, I'm upset, I'm angry, I'm depressed, i don't know what to do anymore. The betrayal is so much for me
Watching the two people I loved the most stab me in the back.. watching them turn into these monsters...
UPDATE: first I wanna thank you all so much for the support below and I am so sorry I havent gotten back to everyone, I've taken alot of time for myself and gotten me back to feeling beautiful..
First one i see alot: yes I could charge him with assult, I've already been told by police to document my bruises until they heal. They've gotten quiet bad but im not severely hurt apart from 2 broken toes.
Second: I havent completely made my mind up regarding the pregnancy, I have decided to take some time on that to really make my decision. I do make a good income, I could do this if I really really tried, but I am also young and will have this opportunity again. I have called and told him, only to be hung up on.. I did expect him to hang up / not believe me. Even with proof provided
Third: the police came to help him get his belongings which was good but also extremely heart breaking to watch. We had an argument about who's stuff is whos even though I already packed all his stuff from the house away for him. Just the shed now.. im dreading it especially with the stress it adds, I get so heart broken seeing him... I break down and he shows nothing but anger... he wants his dog back but their our fur children too... I can feed and look after him and don't wish to take him away and heart break my older dog more with change.
Four: for the girls and the guys who get this. Garlic bread and wine fixes all broken hearts
| 1,548 |
my bf and I broke up and few days ago and cant stop crying since then
|
So me and my bf were together for 3 years in a LDR.
we broke up a few days ago and I cant stop crying since then, I cant eat, cant leave my bed, I feel so heavy with all this sadness. I have never loved like this before, and now I'm broken. I want to reach out and ask him how he his because he has been going through a very hard time and I want to be there for him. I miss his voice, I miss how he called me "mere Jaan" with so much love in his heart. I miss him. I'm stuck between -if were meant to be then our paths will cross- and -this want not meant to be and I need to move on-.
I don't want to move, I want him, all I want is him, I will never find another person who can love me like this, hold me like him, look at me like him or listen to me the way he did.i don't want to move on, I want to fight for this and make it work.
there is so much love between us, but we couldn't make it work, distance fucked us up.
I don't know how to cope, I don't have any of my friends or family around, im so alone, I feel so lonely.
| 7 |
I cant accept im gay
|
Im struggling so hard to be anything ive just be caught by my parents at a bar with a guy and i dont know what to do they were angry i am 18y old guy i both but struggle to be with either its an issue ive always have and im scared
| 2 |
Hair loss is painful af
|
I’m 20M and I’ve been experiencing hair loss for a while now and it’s fkin painful man. I do not look good bald but I look so sexy with hair. Last year I went into some serious depression and became an alcoholic because I started some companies and they failed. I stopped taking care of myself, and I went through a lot of stress, maybe that’s what it was or genetics. But it’s fkin painful. I’ve been using minoxidil for 4 months now and haven’t seen any results.
| 1 |
I hate eating at the table
|
TW: SELF HARM
The whole reason sounds dramatic but it's true, everytime I hear someone eat with both their mouth openband closed, it annoys me, bad, it makes me wanna yell at them. Sometimes when I hear ppl chew with their mouth open with gum or chips, that's what really triggers me, it makes me wanna cry and hit something. But I can't do anything about it. Because im too anxious to say anything. So I Sometimes I either listen to music or I scratch myself till I bleed. My mom yells at me when I make a annoyed face or a groaning sound when she eats ice, but like the thing is she knows I HATE it and she doesn't even give me a warning. Sometimes she even tells me theres something wrong with me and im gonna end up a karen or something. That's it. That's all I wanted to say, I just really wanted to get this off my chest
| 1 |
I hear the call of the road
|
Lately I just want to hit the road and start over in a new city. There’s nothing actively wrong in my life. I have a good relationship with my parents, I’m respected by my boss, and I enjoy time with my friends. But the thought of uprooting myself and disappearing into the night is enticing.
| 1 |
Do u think I deserve to hate my mom?
|
I don't even know where to begin she married this guy who would beat us up all the time he would like hitting my head and drag me around the house for years and she just let him keep coming back I was to young to do anything I couldn't even defend my self and she would always for give him then after many years she finally divorced and left him
She got another bf who did meth and Crack and made me wash cars with him for 4 dollars an hour in the sun (abt 80 degrees) so he can buy meth he would even take me with him sometimes and leave me in a dark alley for a long time while he did become clean it took him 2 years
She was super nosy and would get into my private life, where do ur friends live, what's there name, boys or girls, how old, what do u talk abt, what time do they sleep? And she would get mad if I didn't tell her
She told evemy secrets and my sexuality and said ima go to hell and told everyone I'm a femboy and took off my door for a year
She lied about my dad being a bad person and told lies about him
She put me in child labor at 12 years old and for below min wage cleaning up hoarders
She tricked her bf to buy 2 houses worth around 180k each without his name on it
She kicked me out at 17 and said I never wanna see ur stupid face again
She would mentally abuse me and her bf
She even tried pulling my towel off my body when I was naked (I was 17 at the time)
I moved away but she's trying to guilt trip me now and say I'm in the wrong
Do I deserve to hate her after all this? After all the years I helped her, I helped make her hundreds of thousands of dollars and even gave her 5k dollars and she still calls me a disappointment i was always with her for work cleaning up after hoarders for years
Now I know y all her kids hate her
| 1 |
Why I haven't been back to my hometown in 12 yrs (sorry for the long post)
|
I'm generally a very private person so this story in it's entirety has only been heard by my wife. I feel like telling it will help unburden me of some weight that's been weighing me down especially recently. I come from a very small town that had 1 stop sign, 1 school, and a bunch of cows. I was one of three captains of the football team so in Texas that made me popular even though I was more nerdy my whole life. I would say my school life was great on the surface but there were things that throughout my Junior year, senior year, and college freshman year led me to hating this place with a burning passion. My Junior year was only about dating to me, that was my only focus as a teenage boy. The trouble arises as it is made very painfully clear to me at this time that as a half Mexican kid in a town that was 99.9% white that girls parents didn't want me dating them. I was told on multiple occasions that "I can't date you because you're Mexican and my dad would kill me". I did end up dating this year but this very much hurt and I told no one. I carried this hurt into my senior year where only more hurt was coming my way. You would think my best friend would be super supportive of me in this time but it was the opposite.
Our senior year revolved around a neighboring town sport rivalry, and since we were seniors this was deathly important in Texas. The neighboring town had a few transfers this year and now had more minorities on their football team than some of my teammates had seen in their whole life. The event that I can really remember starting the separation between me and my friend group was during the football game with this team. Before the game during warmups the neighboring team found a noose in their locker room. The news had got back to me and when we got back to the locker room I ripped into everyone. I demanded to know who did this dumb sh\*t but my best friend and co-captain said it wasn't a big deal. The third captain sided with my best friend and the issue was dropped to my anger. It was around this time that my co-captains started hanging out without me and the casual racism started to become fully aware to me. I would hear Africans American slurs and Mexican slurs now on a daily basis, even from my "best friend". I got into no less than 10 fights this year because I couldn't take it anymore, but I was the only one who cared. I started to feel like an alien at this time because this was cool with everyone else but me. Weirdly enough me and my "best friend" get into the same college and even though our relationship is nearly dead I am terrified of meeting new friends so we decide to live together. Some people in our friend group are telling us we should just find jobs instead and we'll never make it. I could care less what he does when we get there but I am never going to go back to my hometown I tell myself.
I start having a really rough time in college because I realize I have no clue how to make new friends. I feel alone because I'm three towns away from my family, I have no friends in this town, and my "best friend" goes home every weekend to hang out with people from high school. I end up caving and going back home one weekend and going to a house party where I meet a girl who had moved away but after we graduated had moved back to town. We hit it off and for a few weeks I'm coming home to see her as well every weekend. At one party the girl who was extremely drunk asked me to go to bed with her. While my first instinct was hell yes I was raised by a single mother and wanted to respect this girl more than that. This is when the girl begins ghosting me but I had other problems in my life at this time as well.
Me and my "best friend" are both failing classes at this time so I decide to stay the next weekend to study and get my grades back up. The whole week I get no response from this girl but I study harder. I know this is the right choice if I don't want to move back home. What transpired this weekend while I was studying was the final straw. My "best friend" and my ex co-captain of the football team go to a party with the girl I am talking to. I guess at this party her and my ex co-captain hit it off because my "best friend" comes back home Monday to tell me that they are dating now. I cry, break my phone, and vow never to go back to my hometown again.
It has been 12 years and this hate has driven me to do great things. After a brief move back home after failing my classes, getting diagnosed with depression, and contemplating really dark thoughts I transferred to a major university 6 hrs away and graduated. I met my now wife here who is the light of my life and got a really amazing job that pays more than I ever imagined. Since I am now fully happy in my life I feel like the hate that drove me to do these great things needs to be lifted. I've found this very hard going because when I moved away I ghosted everyone that lived in my hometown and started new. New phone, new social medias, new friend, and even a new last name to hide who I was so no one would come looking. Turns out I was the only one to graduate college from my hometown and everyone else is working dead end jobs and making ends meet. I can't help but be happy about this even if it feels a little bad. I've started talking to some guys from school that I overlooked as real friends because of the popularity barrier in school. These guys are anti-racist and while I don't talk to them too often it's nice to know some connection is still there.
The final problem comes from the friend request or lack thereof that I get now that people have started to find me from the "friends you may know". There are some that I have blocked or friend request me weekly that I decline but there are some people who I had only good memories with that wont accept my request because I disappeared and "sh\*t on the town they leave in" on my way out the door. My friends I have now will say "oh I can't hang out this weekend I'm going to my hometown friends wedding as the best man" and I will never have that. My friendships now are all really surface level maybe as a defense mechanism but my wife is my best friend so I'm okay with that. I think I made the right decision and that my actions were warranted but the burden still feels heavy for some reason. If you made it this far thank you for hearing me out, as I said I live a very happy life now but putting this in writing somewhere has felt cathartic.
| 1 |
I hate you and
|
You’re a legitimate loser. Not my loss. Continue on with your life that amounts to nothing. I watch you fall down the whole and for the first time, I will not throw you a rope.
Sitting from a distance as I watch you drown and know that I had did everything I could. You had this coming. Your head is too hard and your mind is soft. Enjoy your bed of shit that you made for yourself.
| 1 |
I regret an internet post so much
|
I made a hurtful comment when I was 14 on a tiktok as a joke, then the creator replied with a video that got almost 60k views, this happened in 2020, but it revealed my face, first and last name I regret it so much and I break down whenever I think about it, this all happened in 2020 but it still crosses my mind. I hate myself so much for that.
| 1 |
Drunk and stressed
|
Not sure if it’s allowed here but I’m a bit drunk so why not. Been a crazy week. Took half of my moms things due to her not paying a bill in my name despite her agreeing to. Gave an ultimatum and mostly disappeared from their lives.
| 1 |
My friends think I’m autistic.
|
I don’t know how to react most of the time. I mean, it makes sense but I sort of don’t want it to? It feels like if I was to ever look more into it I’d be faking it.
No one really listens to me when I try to seriously talk about this and my friends only give me shallow reasons as to why they think that. It’s been bothering me for a while.
| 1 |
Magpapatuloy pa ba?
|
I am just 1 month at work po.
I have super strict boss
Palasigaw, palamura. Minsan i dont know if joke ba yon but sinasabi sabihan lang ako ng shunga shunga.
I also have superior na controlling
Minamandohan ako sa lhat ng bagay.
Paano sumagot sa boss, paano magtreat ng ibang tao, mga gagawin. As in LAHAT.
I cant even express myself, di ko lam kubg tama ba gnagawa ko o gagawin kasi lahat nalang pupunahin.
Lging delayed ng mins to half hour
Walang break time sa dept namin sincr kasama ang may ari mahigpit lahat
Late din halos half hour ang out ko
Even lunch parang 20-30mins lalo if nauuna sa office ang boss.
Nakakadrain.
Nakakaiyak.
| 1 |
I feel out of place in the adult world and find myself longing for my childhood/teen years
|
I’ve been happily married for 6 years. I have two beautiful kids. But, sometimes I really miss the way things used to be when I lived at home with my parents and felt safe and cared for. I lost my dad to suicide in 2019 when I was 23 and things haven’t felt the same since. I visit my childhood home often because my mom still lives there. Today I kind of didn’t want to leave, just wanted to crawl into bed and wake up to my mom making dinner and my dad being downstairs playing guitar like he always did and feeling safe and like everything was ok.
| 1 |
I fucking hate bad drivers
|
(This is a rant)
Like they make me genuinely angry, whenever I’m driving I see so many idiots on the road it’s infuriating, like get off the damn road before u kill someone!!!
This morning my dad was on his way home from the store and he was almost home but on the way this guy was driving really slow and was about to park by the sidewalk so my dad changes lanes to get by but this dumbass had the brilliant idea to change his mind in the middle of the road and not park, so he doesn’t check his blindspots (clearly) turns left back into the road and just rams his car into the back of my dad’s car, damaging the wheel and the rear and now all the sensors are all messed up, literally broken. But my Dad didn’t realize till later bc when he got hit he couldn’t see the car from the back as his attention is in the front since he’s in a different lane and thinks he hit a pot hole but quickly realized that it wasn’t the case. But this genius already drove off so he couldn’t find him. So my dad is just stuck with this problem some asshole left him with.
how do I a 17 year old drive better than most adults like if you know your not the greatest at driving then there’s nothing wrong with taking a driving class.If you choose not to try and improve then stick to being the passenger.( of course everyone situation is different)
| 3 |
Feeling like a terrible wife
|
I'm feeling insecure, not just body wise mentally as well. With being gone from my spouse I don't know what to do. I feel like my spouses life is better off without me. Do whatever they want whenever. Holding them back from what they want in life. I want to break down hell I am on the inside.
| 1 |
I was falsely accused of abuse by an ex and her new partner, have lost "my tribe", and have no idea how to go on.
|
About 6 months after the #metoo thing started, my exgf from 5 years previous accused me of abusing her. Nothing specific, just that I abused her. She was in leadership of our local political org that I had belonged to since day 1, and she even randomly texted me that I was welcome there after she was elected, because I avoided her at all costs even before the election.
She has BPD (borderline not bipolar) and gets treatment irregularly which is why I left. We were together for 4 years. First 2 great, last 2 she stopped getting help and it was pure hell. The breakup was hell but my sis graciously let her stay at her house until she found her own place.
About 2-3 months after that text, and with still no contact from me, she and her current partner start spreading rumors about my abuse of her. Again never gave any details, just that I was an abuser. I know when it started because I started getting weird looks from members I'd been social with often. I had no idea what was going on until a few months later I received a letter stating I needed to attend a trial because I was accused of abusing a member.
I immediately realized what had been going on for the past few months and why this was happening. See, she has been thrown out of every org she has ever been a member of. She was kicked out of some org in college before we met, but 2 others while we were together. The reason for being tossed for the two I was present for was like this: She'd join, super excited, and then take on a ton of responsibilities. Then she'd do none of them. As the deadlines would approach she would meltdown and self harm. Then the day of whatever big thing she was supposed to turn in, would no call/no show. Both times I had to drive the materials they had given to her back to the org and apologize for her and say she wasn't well. These people were always fucking furious! But they didn't take it out on me, they felt sorry for me.
So this trial was about 2 months before elections were to be held again. I'm assuming she had something big to turn in that she didn't do, but that is an assumption on my part. I was given one weeks notice with no opportunity to see any evidence against me, only that I had been accused of abuse. I immediately contacted every exgf I had contact info for and told them what was happening. They knew I would NEVER do anything like that and I was still friendly with ~90% of them. I've lived in a few different areas so a lot couldn't attend but they sent in 8 video depositions. Friends who knew us when we were together who couldn't attend wrote 17 letters. 12 people came with me to testify, my current gf, exgfs, old roommates and friends. I try to be a kind person always, no matter how I feel, so I had a lot of friends. One of my friends, unbeknown to me was wearing a spy cam/mic to tape this abomination of a trial. Again, I was completely unaware of this.
So the kangaroo court went like this. I, the defense, went first, with only a paper written by her partner accusing me of 1. Stealing her cat (I'm massively allergic and have never had a desire for a cat, I'm a dog person) 2. Stealing her car (It was my car in my name only, she stopped making payments to me, didn't renew the plates, and I was getting loads of tickets for that. She finally agreed to bring the car back to my house and left me the keys. I gave her the opportunity to buy the car from me for $0 profit or get a car loan and she declined, so I sold it.) 3. That I emotionally abused her with no details. 4. He diagnosed me as a sociopath with his "Juris Doctorate" which is hilarious on a number of different levels. He just knew having "doctorate" in there would confuse the jury, which it did, but I was able to explain what it really was. Plus you can't diagnose someone if you've never met them, you're not a medical doctor, etc.
We then had all my friends/exes/gf present testify, had my friend who is an attorney testify how wrong this kangaroo court was set up and ridiculous, presented all the letters, had someone testify via phone and played all of the depositions.
So that was it. I had no chance to face my accuser and went first having no idea what she would be bringing with her as evidence. Even the most totalitarian regimes don't have trials where the defense goes first because it doesn't make any sense.
(Continued in comment below)
| 4 |
I feel like my Dad has been slowly dying for over half my life and nothing anyone does or says takes that pain away
|
My Dad has been an off and on drug and alcohol addict since 2008. He was prescribed OxyContin for a back injury at some point and it was like his brain was never the same. The years following he would become increasingly verbally abusive to anyone close to him. He became physically abusive to my Mom and a few years ago she left him. Now that he’s been on his own he drinks himself into oblivion nightly, he’s tried to kill himself multiple times (we’ve committed him but it did absolutely nothing) we’ve done everything we could but he has just become this horrific train wreck of a human being… Today I was holding my three month old daughter and had a back flash of my 5th birthday. The room was filled with sunshine. I had just woken up and I can see the balloons in the corner of the room with a number 5 on them. He lifted me into the air and told me how much he loved me. He was such a good Dad. I loved him so much. I miss him so much. I wish that man could have held his granddaughter.
| 1 |
My father won’t get the hint
|
TW: rape(no actually story of rape just mention it.)
My father went to prison over a decade ago. I told him then I will be going no contact. He got out about two years, he’s since then contacted me 4 times, I answered the 1st time not know who it was. Told him never to call me again. The other 3 times I sent him to voicemail. Every time some crying msg about him just wanting contact with me. I got tired of them. So I fully blocked his number.
Now he has the nerve to have some random lady to call me. She says he wants contact with me. I told her I told him years ago I wanted zero contact with him due to what he did. (He raped someone if anyone actually wishes to know.)
I was a senior in HS when he did what he did. It made life hell for me the last year. I had to go to therapy (I’m fine with that) my teachers and friends all treated me differently. I even lost some due to it. It happened to air on tv due to a stand off.
I’m just so tired of him reaching out to me. It just brings up bad things in the past he’s done to the lady who was raped, me, my mother and other family. I really hope this is the last time he tries, but have a sinking feeling it’s not. I’ve moved since he went to prison so he has no clue where I live. Just the same phone number, I really really don’t want to have to change it but if it keeps happening I might have to.
Thank you for reading. I’m over him, I had therapy for years about it. I just wish he would leave me alone.
| 1 |
I am scared of the future, I am scared I won't get to see it
|
Both realities frighten me. The reality is that I get to live in the changed future, but the fact I might also not get to experience it due to well- The planet dying and wars.
Is our situation really that dire as a species? I am young obviously, 15 to exact, and I have some other mental illnesses stacked on top making me more paranoid and life seem more grim and bleak, so I'd appreciate the responses from adults here.
| 3 |
Someone used my credit card and I bought them a gift
|
I found out someone ordered something for over $200 using my credit card. I canceled the card, felt angry and violated. The receipt for the order was sent to my email. I saw the person’s name and address, in another state. Possibly the name is fake, maybe the person who placed the order is having it sent to a property nearby, who knows.
All I knew was that I was angry. I wanted to get back at them in some way. I tried to track this thief down. But all I could find on the internet was a picture of the house and surrounding houses. And the inside of the house (on real estate websites).
The house was a dump, to put it mildly. A real s***hole. The surrounding homes are dumps. Everything in that neighborhood is in disrepair. In fact, there’s nothing nice within miles of that whole little town.
The company from which my thief ordered already put a stop to the order (and refunded me). I looked on Google maps for any local stores or restaurants from which I could order a gift card for my thief. The only place which sold gift cards online was McDonalds. So I ordered a McDonalds gift card and sent it to the address used by my thief. I included a note informing them I’m the one whose credit card they used and that I hope things start looking up for them.
Maybe they’ll continue trying to steal from people, I don’t know. All I know is I’m grateful for my beautiful home and hope my thief finds their way to a better life like I did. It’s rough out there.
| 2 |
my brother sexually abused me when i was a child (TW)
|
when i was young my brother who is 3 years older than me convinced me to get naked via basically harassing and hassling me. asking over and over and exposing himself to me. he started masturbating in front of me after that and then made me touch him. this progressed and went on for about a year or two, near daily while my parents were out, which they often were. i didn’t really understand what was happening at the time, but knew that i was just being used to fulfill his curiosity and sexual fantasies. he abruptly stopped one day i assume because he realized what he did was wrong. because of this, i became hyper sexual at a young age, compulsively masturbating, chatting with older men online, and eventually having sex with strangers when i was in high school. to this day, i’m working on unpacking the trauma. i guess i just wanted to get this off my chest because it’s such a hard thing to talk about. i feel like i’ve been so profoundly damaged by the things my brother did to me when i was too young to understand. we have never talked about it. thinking about it makes me feel sick and sad and angry
| 4 |
I've only ever been alone and its making me resentful
|
TW: mentioned of SH, suicide, depression, and sexual abuse
Throwaway. Sorry for the long post.
I'm not only talking about romantic relationships, which is not an exception and I'll get into that later, but friends. I have none. And I've never had them. I grew up very sheltered in a very Christian household and from 5th grade on I was homeschooled. I only ever played by myself or hung around my older brothers and their friends. I've never felt secure in a friend group. I've never had a best friend. Or, rather, a mutual "best friend" relationship. Everyone I've ever considered myself particularly close to has their own best friends. People they care about more. Talk to more. Hang out with more.
I've been in friend groups where I get to watch myself slowly get phased out. Recently went through this exact thing. But it stings even more when you consider the fact that I knew each of them separately for years before they met each other (one of them I've known my entire life). We'd be hanging out, the 3 of us, and they'd freely gush about how similar they were. Even when they were talking about something I was into as well. They call themselves twins. Graduately they stopped talking to me. They started hanging out and doing things together without telling me. Then they stopped hiding it. They went on trips together. Celebrated birthdays and good news together. Go to each others gatherings and cute little dinner parties. Without me. With their other friends from other corners of their respective lives. But never me. The mutal friend.
The friend I've known my whole life just recently moved out of state and I found out a couple days ago that friend B has decided to move to the same state to be roomates with her. I realized about an hour after I found out just how angered I was by this. I recently got diagnosed with MDD which I've had since I was a kid and is very genetic. I've been suicidal before but the most physical harm I've ever done to myself has been food restriction to hurt myself. But at this point my depression and trauma makes me just as angry as I am sad, and for the first time ever, I commited the most textbook form of SH (I'm sure you can guess). (I'm getting help, I'm on meds, I even see my pysch for a follow up on Tuesday to adjust my meds \[fuck remeron who can even function on that shit??\] so you dont have to worry about me.)
I'm just so angry. Resentful. Of everyone. I give so much of myself to my friends and I never expect anything back but at a certain point when you're going above and beyond at all times for no reason and then you're the one struggling, you're expected to be the understanding one and understand that they're just too busy to do the stuff you do for them, for you. They're going through something? I make them a care basket. One of them has covid? I make them soup and drive an hour both ways to them to drop it off. Their grandma dies? I send them a longgg simpathy text and drop off some sweets. They're going through a breakup? Long simpathy text and an offer to beat him up for them. I'm suicidal? I get severly groomed? Crickets. At least pretend to care.
I recently found out that my sister in law (I've known her since i was 7, shes about 7 years older than me, and I've alwasy considered her my big sister, since I only have brothers) is a narcassist and apparently thinks I'm a (c-word) and tried to turn my brothers against me based on selective memory, a RAGING victim complex, perceived slights, absolutely outrageous gripes, and grudges shes held for years over tiny things I did when I was a child that she is physically incapable of letting go of. My brothers are not on her side and bless them they've tried to defend me to the best of their abilities but it was out of nowhere. And from one of my brother's accounts, the vitriol she spewed against me was vile. Vile enough that he refuses to tell me any of the names she called me and the things she said (I only know she called me the c-word bc I asked him).
I turn 20 next month. I dont celebrate my birthday. I dont go out. I am alone. And part of me doesnt want anyone but myself. I dont want friends on the basis of pity and I dont want to be abandoned again. I have myself. I think I'm cool as fuck. But there must be something wrong with me. Something I'm too fucking self absorbed to recognize. But fuck them. Fuck all of them. If I had a fucking spine I'd gain the courage to tell them to fuck off when they try to give me some bullshit excuse for all of it. Instead, every time I say I'm done, the second I get the smallest little "apology" I go "omg dont even worry about it you're finnnnee!!!" and quietly resent them.
I've missed out on experiences bc my parents treat me like a fucking baby. I'm not allowed to go by myself but I have no one to go with. So I sit at home. Watching everyone else my age doing something fun. I'm fucking 20.
I've never been in a relationship either. Even though I'm conventionally attractive, I'd even be so bold as to say that I am above average. (Edit: not that ANY woman is "average". I'm speaking from the male gaze). I definitely fit every beauty standard. I get hit on and asked out by strangers all the time. But its forbidden to date outside of my religion. My parents would kick me out. I dont know cute boys. I dont know cute boys my age. I never have. Ive never had a love interest involving someone I'm not hosting an unhealthy, parasocial, maladaptive daydream universe over. And any guy I've known have not been interested in me (at least not enough to grow a pair and tell me). The most "romantic" interaction I've had was the afformentioned grooming (a 26 year old telling a 17 year old that he wants to "rail" her and "make \[her\] scream" is suuuuuper romantic btw). Plus, I havent been the perfect, zealous and righteous poster child for Christianity lately, so I'm probably being rejected in favor of someone more "spiritualy minded". Not that I want to get involved with someone in this religion anymore.
I'm not allowed to be alone in the same room as a male that I'm not related to. I wasn't even allowed to date until I turned 18 or 19. Hell, I dont know if im even allowed to date now. It's never come up. I'm suffocating. I have no doubt that the second I leave my house and leave this religion that I will have many prospects. But as I leave my teenage years, I'm overcome by the fact that I've been deprived of nearly every formative teenage experience. Its incredibly depressing and confusing.
I have a plan to move to NY after I get my associates degree to get my masters so I have two years here. I have to start over. Be as independent as I've always craved to be. At this point I'm going to be spending the next 2 years actively trying to not get attatched to anyone that might make me want to change my mind about leaving and starting over. The only people I'm keeping are my brothers and, as much as I might resent them for some things, I do love my parents, but everyone else I could take or leave. Preferrably leave.
Thanks for reading. Sorry again that this is long.
| 1 |
My best friend messed me over today.
|
It was her cousin’s birthday and they were out at the park. I was supposed to be invited but sure, since all her other cousins were there I understood. I went to sleep at around 2 am and that’s when my phone rang. My best friend told me they were drunk and passing by my house n told me to get out in about 20 mins. Sure, i get ready n wait around. 40 mins pass and she told me they were at a cafe bc everyone else was too drunk n i told her im sleeping. She said sleep n that’s that, i changed my clothes again and went to bed. After ab 20 mins she calls me again to come out and bring her a hoodie aswell and I sneak out , she tells me to walk alone and catch up because the others weren’t waiting. I walk alone and once I see them it was literally everyone but me 💀 her other close friend and his cousin, some random dudes and then they told me they were going home and left. Best friend kept saying things like im sorry and i love you but i felt so betrayed.i wasted like 2 hrs pf sleep for nothing. It’s 4 am and im currently sobbing alone in my room :)
| 1 |
I’m gonna die alone because I’m so socially anxious
|
I’m so socially inept. I can’t converse very well at all, all I can do is make people laugh. All my friends have had luck with girls (m17 if that matters), but I feel like a lost cause at this point. My friend talks to all these girls on snapchat and gets nudes from them, and while that’s not what I’m looking for, it’s still better than being utterly alone. I’m not super ugly or anything, maybe a 6 at most, I don’t even really care what girls look like, as long as they’re decent people and reciprocate feelings for me.
I did have a talking stage, and it went south. People tell me that she just wasn’t the one, but what if she was and I lost her? I just want to hold someone, and to give them gifts and spend time with them. People tell me the single life isn’t that bad, but it’ll never be as good as a healthy relationship, never.
| 1 |
I Think My Friend Group Hates Me
|
I’ve known this group for years at this point, we used to go to middle/high school together and at no point previously did I feel like I was mistreated. There was the typical boy talk, banter, and the such but I never felt as though it was personal. Somewhat recently though it’s grown from slight banter and jokes to what seems to be full on disinterest or even hate at times.
For instance, we get into arguments quite a lot over things that seem like obvious no-nos. Grilling on a dirty public rusty grill, not waiting till the last second to make plans, smuggling drugs across the American border, the usual. But almost every time I voice my concerns I’m met with accusations of paranoia, being a *female genitalia*, or that I think I’m better than them and they almost always don’t end up listening to me.
They tend to get the impression that I think I’m better than them which can range from me saying it’s gross to grill on a nasty public grill to me looking at a glob of dab the wrong way. Hell I even got a talking to when I joked about one of them being addicted to weed when that same friend makes the same joke to another person in our group.
What convinced me to make this post though happened yesterday when I invited one of these friends out to start a fire with me. The way he talked was very abrupt and kinda rude, for example;
Me: “how was work?”
Him: “fine.”
Me: “once we’re in Vegas what do you want to do?”
Him: “gamble.”
Me: “do you want to stop by the store or the gas station for wood?”
Him: “I don’t care you’re buying it.”
Eventually he became more talkative, but it took more than an hour to get to that point. He is slightly autistic and has a hard time recognizing tone, but if I’m spending money so we can have a nice fire i at least expect a good attitude. I asked him later if he was going through something but he didn’t tell me anything, which I guess is nothing new.
There are plenty of other examples but I think this place has a word limit so I’ll cut it off there, I just needed a place to rant a bit.
| 2 |
Life is hard in some ways. 16F
|
I’m a lifeguard and work has been pretty annoying lately. The head lifeguard always has to pass a snarky comment everyday. Seems like it. Today I was verifying her instructions for the swim lessons and she was like “I need a few brain cells to work with” then she rolls her eyes and walks away. I do try to sympathize with her but it’s pretty hard. I was laughing cause this dude at work was sunning his balls in the open air near the opening of the forest and she was like “You need to pay attention!” Which I get but still.When I’m at work I would like to forget about life but they intertwine basically. It does feel like a bit of a rejection when I can’t conversate with the other 3 lifeguards. They all vibe and talk with each other but don’t talk to me. I don’t even know why I try to seem happy at work, maybe I also look too serious.
My mom came off her Zoloft for depression but didn’t do it with a doctors informing her to do so. I look at the past and realize why she was irritable all the time and it was because of the depression. She’s only been on Zoloft for a year and a half but is old school and doesn’t want to get addicted to it. She will get angry and irritated again, which is a shame. Sometimes her words can cut but it’s okay. If someone ask my personality and hobby I want to say “Family” because my life truly does revolve around it. I’m not interesting and my mind is empty. No facts fill my head and I’m not currently interested in facts right now. I like music and art but that’s it :( Sad honestly.
| 1 |
Meeting my first love after 5 years
|
I (20F) am in vacation in my homecountry after living abroad for five years.
Before moving away when i was 15, i had a bf for like a year and a half and we broke up bc we wouldn’t be able to handle long distance.
We were each other’s first relationship, love and basically everything. We were crazy in love.
For a couple years after I moved away, we were still a bit in love with each other but that died down with the time, distance and new people in our lives. For those couple of years the only thing we dreamed of was the moment we would see each other again, but bc of financial problems and the pandemic, I am only coming back to visit my home now.
I now have a bf and he has a gf. And I thought that was it yk. I love my bf more than anything and we almost never have problems except a big fight we had that almost ended up in a breakup just before my vacation. (I’m not going to give details but he fucked up real bad and I decided to forgive him bc I love him sm.) When I went out with my old friends for the first time after 5 years abroad, my ex was there with his gf and we all talked a bit and it was nice, I went home with this good feeling of closure.
The last time I hung out w my friends (yesterday), my ex was also there but his gf wasn’t, we all smoked and drank a lot and ended up sitting in a park talking about everything. Me and my ex had a really nice convo and reminisced about old times.
And idk if it was the weed, the alcohol or smth else, but there was a moment when we were sitting in that park bench talking about old times that his gaze looked down from my eyes to my mouth and I felt this thing in my chest, it was like my heart sunk, but idk why. Now i’m confused and worried, I thought i was over every feeling I had about him.
I really love my bf and my ex’s gf is really nice as well, I don’t want to disrespect anybody. But I don’t know what that meant and I’m scared.
| 1 |
who is the real you
|
i’m very undecided on who can be classed as the real you, when you are two completely different people. when i am speaking to no girls i am happier less anxious and less stressed and in an overall better mood. more pleasant to be around 100%. whereas when i am speaking to usually one girl is when it gets the worst, i wish to be possessive (i’ve never actually been so) my insecurities reach immeasurable amounts i am anxious all the time i spend my days waiting for them to speak to me they’re all i think about i put them on a pedestal i’m so nervous about everything they do i get clingy i need reassurance more than i need air and i can never decide whether to stay or leave one minute i hate my life and this persons doing it to me and i wanna leave and the next i’m angry at myself for letting this happen to me and i want to fix it and i don’t wanna leave because i’d feel bad and be lonely
so who is me obviously they’re both me just with the addition of an extra person but am i a happy person or am i a depressed person because if i’m speaking to someone i’m depressed and if i’m not i’m happy so which one is it? whatever one i’m feeling at the minute? that’s not very honest because i know that it’ll change given my circumstances or am i neither? who knows
| 1 |
my ex cheated on me and kicked me out
|
Now I'm living a hellish nightmare of a life. I wish I had the strength to get through the day sometimes.
| 1 |
I miss NRW
|
It comes in waves, the missing him. I miss him all the time, but I can distract myself from it when I’m at work or trying to do the gym thing.
I hate the gym. Passionately.
It sort of hits out of nowhere mostly. I’ll hear him in my head or I’ll think of something we had planned. And boom. It’s like he left all over again. Or I’ll be doom scrolling on TikTok and so many things have a memory attached. A show, a song, hobbies we both did… so many things.
I don’t know if it’s related, but I haven’t done more than nibble at crackers or drink tea in more than a week. I’ll feel a pang of hunger, and then it’s gone. Then I’m just tired.
I’m sleeping a lot more too.
Dreaming is the worst. He’s there. Smiling, mine again. And I wake up to him being gone. I spend the next few hours on a mantra that he’s not mine anymore.
I miss him. I love him.
| 1 |
Are some people not meant for friendships?
|
I realized once again today that I have no friends. I don't have a person I can call or write to when I'm feeling bad or just want to talk. No one who would ever write to me unless I say something first. I think it's because these "friends" are schoolmates and we practically never do anything in our free time. I always made good friends with other people at school, but as soon as there was a vacation or weekend, these "friends" weren't around because they were doing something with their real friend group. I've never had a friend group. All of my friendships were temporary and slowly and quietly dwindled no matter how much effort I put in. And I've really tried everything to make long term friends but nothing has worked. It's just so frustrating when you only have friends for certain phases of your life and otherwise you're alone. And it makes me sooo angry when I think that other people have known their friends since they were born. Whereas I, on the other hand, have to really fight to have people around me at all.
My questions that I constantly ask myself are: Why do I have to invest so much energy in something like this, whereas others don't even have to think about it.
Am I really so unbearable that people only put up with me for a certain amount of time? Because if that was the case with all friendships, only I can be the problem? Right?
| 2 |
Periods are fucking brutal man
|
I’m 21F (almost 22), and I got my period in 6th grade when I was 11. They have always been so awful; I’ve thrown up, at school I have needed to stay in the nurses room on the bed, my cramps are usually so bad I’d rather be sick with a fever, and sometimes pain killers don’t even help. Luckily lately they’ve been at least manageable.
My whole lifestyle changes from my period sometimes. Then there’s the what I’m dealing with now, the before my period stage. Where I’m having cramps for the past 4 days, but no period. I’m wasting pads, just for there to be no period. And no I’m not pregnant before anyone asks, I haven’t been physical for over a year so it’s 100% not possible. Especially haven’t been physical since my last period lol obviously.
Like my periods are bad enough DURING, but having to deal with the cramps UNTIL my period as well and AFTER, it’s just sufferable. I really only have one week and maybe half a week added to that, cramp free. I’m lucky if I ever have more, and it’s just annoying at this point.
I don’t even want kids, I can’t even have kids because of blood thinners (warfarin), even if I did want kids. Fucking suffering for no benefit. It’s not worth it, I wish I could just take away my periods forever risk free.
Just waiting for my period to come and go, hoping I’m not on it for my birthday next month.
| 4 |
Fake people all over
|
I'm always hoping I stumble across people I can chill and vibe with online. Sometimes I find some that seem that way, until it's obvious they want something from me. Shit like that depresses me even more and idk if its even worth trying to make friends with anyone. Feels like everyone's gonna have some ulterior motive with me.
| 1 |
I'm sick of no one wanting me
|
There was a friend who I thought was hot that I thought was into me, and even a friend thought the same. We talk about relationships and such and she had just gotten out of one, and had said she was just looking to hookup with some people and screw around. That's about what I wanna do, and considered asking if she wanted to hook up. Well in mid conversation when we were talking about the subject she said she was glad that I'd never asked her to do so. Well that's fucking great to hear. No one ever wants to do that with me. I feel like a fucking idiot and I'm sick of no one having interest in me. And of course I had to go and talk about how I'm lonely and can't find anyone to hook up with, how I feel like I'm ugly etc. to her which I'm sure killed any attraction that may have been there which probably wasn't. And of course when I try to reach out to a friend to talk about this he won't respond. I'm sick of being myself. I want to cut myself but i have anxiety about it. Why do all of my friends get to have relationships and hookups but I'm fucking lonely as shit. Why do I have to be the lame one?
| 1 |
I suffer panic attacks when it comes to paying bills.
|
I get so scared and idk wtf to do it's so much worse if I don't pay them obviously but it seriously scares me to pay them and I don't know why and i don't know how to stop it
| 2 |
I don’t know what to do.
|
My Mum 44F, is having a crisis and I don’t know what to do. For some background I’m 12F, I have my brother 15M and my sister 4F, me and my brother have the same dad, while my sister has my ex step dad as a dad. 44-45M. My mum and my step dad have been together over 6 years. And was married for 3 or 4. They were separated in early 2022. Planning for divorced , my ex step dad lets call him Jack (not real name) had a ex wife, who would claim jack was not a fit father and abusive (not a lot just if there kids three all younger than me and all male, were in trouble he might give them a slap of something) now my mother never believed her and no one did but I always had to walk on eggshells and so did my brother. Now jack let my mum keep the house, it’s a 4 bedroom 4 bathroom house. But could hold more than 7 people all in different rooms if needed. It was pretty expensive close to 450,000 and since my mother made more than him he couldn’t keep up with the mortgage as much as my mum could. Now the divorce process has really taken a toll on my mother as she used to have some mental health problems as a teen. And now jack is wanting a lot of money from her. My mum has her own company It’s quite small but she built it when she was still married to jack and has gotten some good money from it. Jack is saying he has some claim to it. And wants money from it, even though I know my mum did all of it herself, now my mum doesmt drink and never has for years but jack has a tendency to lie and claims she drinks and is an alcoholic. Once he showed up to the house super drunk and started throwing things and breaking garden furniture my mum had to call the cops. Jack only sees my sister some nights for dinner beacuase of his job. So my mum has to of taken on the role as main parent. My dad isn’t great at paying for stuff he doesn’t do child support though beacuase custody is 50/50 and neither does jack which means my mum has to pay for all three of us normal stuff like clothes, food and still manage to get us stuff we like. I don’t know all the details beacuase I’m only 12 but she’s been under so much stress because of the housework, her bosses are very strict on timelines of stuff so so much work, plus having to take care of all of us with what money she has. I try to help I even learned laundry so I could help more. But I’m the type of person that just can’t be motivated to do anything. But occasionally if I got some money I slip it into her purse so she finds it. Back to it. My mum has a boyfriend 45M Who is very sweet and helpful. He adores our two dogs and helps with them. But jack is claiming my mum cheated on him with let’s call him Andy. Even though they met a while after they separated. Jack has parents I like to call them Satan 1 and satan 2. We know they’re hounding jack to get as much money as they can from my mum. Which makes my mum even more stressed. My mum offered jack a lot of money to not go to court but he denied it and asked for an astounding amount. My mum doesn’t know I’m writing this she doesn’t even know I know this stuff but she calls my nana about it and I listen in. It horrible because Theys nothing I can do. I have saved up for ages and have about £100 in savings and £800 in an investment fund I started but it wont do anything because my mum won’t take it even if I give her it. I just need some advice and I wanted to vent. The Snapchat AIs aren’t any good 😂. I know I’m missing lots of info but that’s all I know. This is really a high mess mabye I’ll do a better one that’s a neeter if I have time.
| 1 |
Vent. Need advice if possible.
|
I'm from a country where exams are quite competitive in comparison to the rest of the world. Meaning ur entire career is actually just a sheet of paper at times. Ive never really felt any passion towards any profession of sorts. Im fairly decent at studies meaning I am considered as being talented. However a girl walked into my life a year ago and changed my life for better and worse. She really did light up my world. But i neglected my potential career as a result. Ima year late as compared to the best in my country but i can still cope with the rest thru sheer will and potential. My gfs a lot more talented than i am. She really wants to go abroad and study and says that she thinks long distance won't work. She said that living without me would be hell. I'm desperately in love with her to the point where my body won't listen to my head. My feet go cold thinking that my "goodnights" and "I love yous " Are limited. I'm so broken but i can't burden her with it. I've hurt her by losing my cool like an immature idiot before and i wanna make things easier on her. Fuck u random reditter u can't help me. I so wish I didn't live this cliche "we're a ticking time bomb" life. In addition the exams we're preparing for require ridiculous amt of prep meaning we see eo potentially for an hr everyday.. This is going to be my life for another year and then it's maybe goodbye. I'm so hurt that she wants to leave and i hate myself for thinking that.
| 1 |
A Past Relationship (warning: lots of overthinking and other things)
|
Hello, I never really have been the best at organizing or writing in general but I’ll do my best along with adding as much detail as possible. For context I am a 17 year old male currently and my ex (we’ll call her X) is about the same age. I can’t vouch for everything on X since she has never really done into depth about it, but I have something known as Asperger’s Syndrome which is now called high functioning autism, for a fast explanation, I basically suck in terms of social situations, emotions and so on and so forth, I hope other folks can maybe paint a better picture. Anyway, onto the story.
If my memory serves me right it all started when I was in eight grade, so a good three to four years ago. I recently went into online school due to the location my family moved in was very populated and they thought I wouldn’t survive socially (for context I started to lose my social spark back in 6th grade) but anyway I was chatting away in the student group chat, mainly roleplay stuff (cringe to some I know) and I then first talked to X, I then got added to a group chat and I guess that was when it all started technically since we both had crushes on each other, and I was and still am a bit passive when it comes to a lot of things so I don’t end up messing up, that or I’m just flat out shy. Anyway she was with a boyfriend then but I guess with what I’m about to say I’ll give a warning since this involves, I guess the best way to say is virtual intimacy? Anyway her and I had virtual intimacy, not too long after she broke up with her boyfriend because he cheated (I don’t even want to bother with that story since I’m the type of person that says “better him than me” cruel but whenever it comes to my personal circle, then I get upset) then after she broke up she texted me “well, guess you got a girlfriend now” and with me being a teen that’s lonely and has never had a relationship I accepted, at first the virtual intimacy was nice, but that was literally all we can do due to how far away we lived (about a four hour drive at least) and with her parents not cooperating much, we were stuck, and my parents noticed a change in me in which I’m not proud of, since I prioritized the relationship more than school or anything, they noticed my mood become similar to hers (extra context, both parents have mental issues and are very toxic and verbally abusive, this rubbed off on her and personally, it seemed like she made a choice to act like them, not like she knew the choice but subconsciously if that makes sense?) and throughout the next three years of that relationship it was mainly virtual intimacy and nothing else. I never really was aware of the things my parents were was because 1, they never really told me flat out that X was bad, mainly dropped hints (I suck at hints btw) and 2, lover’s bliss, the second one I feel like was the main one. Another bad thing related to X, now this isn’t confirmed but there could’ve been some form of emotional abuse, but there has been manipulation, since X ended up turning me against my parents all because they wouldn’t spend the little money they already had on a four hour trip to visit her, even telling my mom to get a job. The possible abuse could be mainly how she would go on about how her life sucks and how I’m expected to support her (I did, nearly everytime) but if I don’t because I’m tired or also in a bad mood, it’s all my fault. Anyway, I guess I should mention the bigger sharks, there was one time, a friend in the friend group X and I (I’m no longer a part of it) were had suffered a breakup and the details are blurry on when X did what she did but she asked me if she could start a relationship with her to cheer her up I guess? I allowed it because 1, I always prioritize people’s needs mentally or emotionally before my own and 2, I thought it was fine, but mom called it cheating but I feel like that was my fault, anyway the friend got into a relationship of her own with a guy….while still in the relationship with X, and I told X to break it off when her friend did get into the relationship because of obvious reasons….about two months later, she hasn’t broke it off so I told X to do it, her original plan was to have her, the friend and her boyfriend talk it out, and I immediately saw the danger there and told her to break it off, she did and later on she wanted comfort from me about her breaking it off with her friend, now when she asked me this I was tired and…just a zombie so I didn’t, then she got upset and all that. Later on comes when I got sense I guess, I was overthinking a bit and decided to ask my parents about the relationship, I told them it was purely virtual intimacy and they said there should be more, I ask X this and…..she didn’t have concern like “oh my gosh, my partner is concerned about the relationship and wants to limit intimacy, we need to fix this” she thought it was how we ‘expressed love’ which can be true but if there was only intimacy, did we really gain a bond? I did eventually broke it off…then tried to be friends with her (please boo me here) then after a heated conversation, I stated that I wanted to kill my parents, the reason why I blew up to this extent is by how I take things, I take them in and they eat at my until I explode and….my parents gave me the biggest mercy ever, then it was done, I stopped talking to the group chat since and now I just sit in my lack of confidence wanting a relationship lol.
The reason I typed this was because I wanted a true unbiased third person opinion on this, my parents said she’s bad, friends said she’s bad. So what do you guys think? And if you’re about to ask, no, I never had the killing thought actually happen, mom knows me better than me and she knew I wouldn’t, and I know I wouldn’t either. Anyway thanks for reading, and I hope you all have a great day
| 1 |
What is wrong with these people?
|
There is something seriously wrong with the people in my family. My cousin who looks like me took my id's and moved my money into her account and has been pretending to be me all over town and has decided now that she can play stupid and not return. What does not belong to her. And what's worse is her mother thinks she is entitled to all of my interest and now they are claiming to have split it up among the family denying me access. Megan is crazy if she thinks I haven't contacted local cops a dozen times over this and glenia is even more crazy that I'm just gonna allow this disrespect. What is this world coming to. Quit acting like bums and do the right thing.
| 1 |
I think my LDR partner took advantage of me when we met.
|
My (25F) partner and I (27F) were in a long-distance relationship for almost two years. We recently broke up and I've been rethinking the entire relationship with them, and I feel like I've been suppressing this until now. We met on March 25-April 8th, and on the very first night we met irl we did things sexually. I was on my period, so it was mostly things to them, but I was fine with it, and I consented that night.
When we got further into the week, their behavior toward me was different than the first night. They were distant, and I thought I'd done something, but it all came to a head on April 3rd
We had a fight. It was dumb, but after I felt emotional and afraid. I thought they hated me, and we stopped talking the entire day after that. I was really paranoid and afraid, to the point I reached out to a close online friend of mine and shared my location just in case something happened.
We were sharing a bed at their house, and when it got time to sleep we were both laying there not talking, and I started bawling after holding everything in from the fight, and they heard that and tried to comfort me by telling me they loved me and they were sorry.
Honestly, when they held me, I felt better, and I thought maybe the fight was dumb and they didn't hate me because of it, but then they started to kiss me. I was still so emotional and sad but I just went along with it because they wanted it, and they ended up having me get them off sexually because 'kissing turns me on and we have to finish now'. I didn't want it. I was sad and afraid of the fight, but I didn't say no, but I still feel like that wasn't okay for them to do that? I didn't say no though, but I was crying most of the time.
I haven't told anyone. The friend I shared my location with I just told her we made up and I was overreacting, and even after the breakup, I didn't tell my ex how I didn't want it. I didn't want it, but I didn't tell them no, so part of me doesn't believe I am allowed to be upset over this, but I am upset over this. I just needed to tell someone and even if it's just Reddit, at least I can get this out there and not feel so guilty for being upset over this.
Edit: for spacing. Sorry for the spacing, I'm trying not to make this a big block of text but I'm on my laptop.
| 4 |
I’m so lost and exhausted
|
I’ve been trying for what is probably 2 years to find a therapist who can help me. It at first took me 6 months to find one and right as I did I was hospitalised in a psych ward that has given me PTSD that still has not gone away. Right after the meeting I had with my therapist she told me it was my fault I ended up there and I need to deal with the consequences (that being the huge bill that nobody is helping me pay and the PTSD from the experience). I dropped her and the one after tried to send me right back to the hospital once I finally opened up to her. Next one I had for a while and the only reason I kept her is because she didn’t say anything that awful beyond “if you don’t want to be sent back to the mental hospital don’t give them a reason to send you” when I talked about the PTSD I struggle with. I told her very light stuff but even the light stuff I told her she just brushed past. I told her about my insomnia from my crippling nightmares and she said nothing. Told her about some other troubling things with my family and absolutely nothing. She did nothing to help me and I finally decided that just because she didn’t say bad things didn’t make her a good therapist. A few days ago I reached out to many psychologists and therapists to see if I could work with any of them. Only one has replied so far and it seemed like a good fit until I told her about a condition I have. I have very bad acid reflux that gives me chronic acid laryngitis and my voice can’t be heard over a phone. It can last anywhere from a few days to a whole week and is very unpredictable. The way my last therapist and I would talk when this happened was I’d simply text her on my phone while my video camera was on since it was online therapy. This new lady wanted to do a phone call consultation and once I told her she said she couldn’t accept me as a patient due to it. She also said she couldn’t find any referrals to give me. I’m just so fucking lost and broken right now. I have so many things I need help with and they just keep ramping up. So much shit I probably need to be medicated for but I’m on nothing at all. Regular counsellors can’t help me I need someone more specialised because I’m just too broken. I just need help and I’m starting to realise how fucking difficult that is to get. I don’t know what to do. This is probably the lowest I’ve been in a while. I want to say fuck it all and go back to my bad habits go back to SH go back to drinking because it all seems hopeless. I don’t know what to do
| 1 |
I got matching tattoos with my mum.
|
When I was younger - well, ever since I was a baby - I grew up in an abusive household. My dad was an alcoholic, and while he swears he never did it I think he was also a substance abuser at one point. He would be mostly violent towards my mother. I would intervene but my younger sisters were only babies and so don't remember much, if anything at all. Just stories they were told. Because I was the only one who could try and help my mother, I also received a lot of the physical and emotional abuse as well. Somehow, it drew more of a rift between me and my mum than a bond. I grew up spiteful and angry. She raised me cold and unforgiving. It was really difficult for her. She used to threaten to kick me out frequently and I used to be such a horrible teenager to raise that id call her bluff and I'd disappear at friends or my dad. I would start to blame her for our family falling apart and sneak out to hangout with the worser side of my dad's family. I was disrespectful, ungrateful and always causing fights and arguments. I wanted to be anywhere but home. I would lock myself in my bedroom and curse out my mum until I pass out from screaming. My younger sister has serious health conditions, so I lacked a lot of attention and so saw my mum as neglectful and uncaring. But as I've gotten older and realised the kind of person my dad is I found a new kind of connection to the mother who raised me as i look back on the way I behaved. I appreciate every sacrifice she went through and the expierences she had to endure to make sure me and my sisters were safe. My younger sisters only know of our dad's abuse through stories, so they keep in contact with my dad. I know it upsets my mum so I do my best to personally let her know that I love her. It was hard because me and my mum were never emotional people - at least not people who could be emotional together.
So, in January when my mum got married to my step-father, I made a speech. I spent nights writing, rehearsing and going over it with my boyfriend. I needed it to be everything I'd ever wanted to tell her without regretting missing anything out. When the time came, I poured out my heart and told her how much I appreciated everything she did raising me and how I'm glad she was my mother. Thats the best way I can simplify it here for reddit. But ever since the wedding we have increasingly gotten more and more close. My mum discloses all her secrets to me now and we talk about things I never could've imagined telling her. We make more of an effort to go out for food or shopping trips and I try to be the best daughter I can be. I always worry im not showing my appreciation enough. She deserves everything and I love my mum.
So, when my 18th birthday just went by the other day I was ecstatic to see my mum take me out to my favourite places to eat and help me pick out new outfits to wear. We spent the day shopping and celebrating just the two of us. Later that day, as a surprise my mum took me to a tattoo parlour. She was hoping for an appointment but our original artist was sick and couldn't make it so we had to pray the one near us did walk-ins. Honestly? I was freaking out. Majorly. I had asked her about getting a tattoo myself and she dismissed it so I was just gonna let my fantasy fizzle out so seeing my stood in the doorway definitely shook me nerves. But when my mum made that appointment, no matter the absolute fear and adrenaline that was coursing through my body, I knew I needed to go through with it. She described the tattoo as "Simple. Two hearts interlocking over eachother, one big and one small. For me, the big one will be black and the smaller one will be my daughter's favourite colour." because at that moment I realised how special this tattoo was going to be. Mine was going to be the same as my mums but the smaller one will be black with the bigger one my mum's favourite colour. It was supposed to symbolise and represent ourselves and our relationship as mother and daughter.
So when today comes around, im so excited but incredibly nervous but all I can think about is how important this exact moment is to me. Because it was my mum who came up with the symbolisms and made the appointment and encouraged me to be there that day and that was incredibly meaningful. Considering everything I did when I was younger and the way I was so spoilt and ungrateful I never would've even imagined my mum committing to something this serious, especially with her extreme fear of needles. My mum goes first and I can see her lips go pale and she's focusing on her breathing to stop her eyes from watering so I'm talking to her and supporting her. When I get up there and I feel the machine in my arm, despite it hurting, I'm smiling. And I can't stop smiling because I'm just so happy with how far me and my mum have come together as mother and daughter from a path once so distance. And now, we will forever have a permanent drawing to represent exactly what our relationship is about. Part of me wants to go back in time to my younger self and tell her to cherish the times I had to spend with my mum before my dad came home because she has and will always love me. I want to visit each phase of my life and remind my cruel teenage angst-self what my mum went through and to show the appreciation for everything my mum did to get us to where we are. But for now? I'm just so happy to be here with her now. Together as best friends and family. I love my mum and I love my little matching tattoo.
| 1 |
Got (wrongfully) singled out at work today and now I feel sick.
|
At the place where I intern part time, an insurance firm, my manager called me down today and said that there had been complaints of me using many inappropriate words and seeming like I didn’t know how to do my job, and that I seemed to not want to do my job and be there. And in my defense, I had just been switched to a new area, so of course I wasn’t a pro at what I was doing, but I was learning quickly and well, and the lady supervising me said I was doing a good job. I had told him (my boss) that I wasn’t even in the space where I had to work for most of the day since I ended up assigned to another area, in which I had to work with some very disrespectful people. I had expressed a slight frustration at the disrespect because it seemed no matter what I did they continued to be disrespectful, and that anyone would be upset over that. Then, I had to defend myself by stating the other intern who was in my original work space was on the phone with their friend for the brief fifteen minutes I was in the workspace in the morning, cursing a lot, talking about parties and getting drunk and whatnot (we are in college). I wasn’t there again for about six hours, and by then, I was alone, silent, and filing paperwork. They didn’t care. I started to cry because I just felt so targeted and defeated. I am so, so passionate about my job and what I do and I love my work environment, but after this the mere thought of going back tomorrow makes my eyes water and fills me with anxiety. Had I said hell and shit once or twice? Yes, with my workspace door completely shut and in privacy. Did I scream such words? Not at all. I am quiet when I converse. Was a I cursing up a storm? Absolutely not. Was I frustrated with how I was being disrespected? Yes, anyone, including the other interns, had stated they didn’t want to be where I was working as well. And in honesty, they curse way more than I do. Anyways, I literally could not stop crying because I felt like there is now a target on my back even though they said I wasn’t in trouble. I had been called from where I was working, taken down to a meeting room alone, and essentially questioned like I was a criminal, and I feel like I have a right to be upset. And what irks me most is that some man in the room who wasn’t my boss or anything, turned around and start lecturing me about “emotional maturity“ when I started to cry because I just felt so uncomfortable and shameful even though I didn’t do anything wrong. I don’t know what to do tomorrow. I’ve had experiences in the past where something sort of similar happened and it left me really, really anxious and traumatized to the point where I still think about it and sometimes hyperventilate regularly. I don’t want this to hurt me the same way. My friends told me to not take it personally but just feel shaken, and depressed, and sick to my stomach thinking about going to my job again. Sorry for how long this is, I just needed to say it. Thanks.
| 1 |
my dad is pathetic
|
so i (16) and my dad (58) have had a shitty relationship for a good few years now because of the choices he’s been making with my uncle. they’ve always been close, initially i never had an issue with them hanging out together. but over the years my dad has started to prioritise my uncle over me completely. my dad will literally cancel all the plans he has with me to go drink with my uncle instead, and every time they’re together they get up to really stupid shit. my uncle is a bad influence, he’s got my dad hooked on alcohol, cocaine, some other drugs and god knows what else. the thing is, my uncle has no family of his own so he has nothing to lose, whereas my dad does yet he fails to realise that all the time. once he sees his brother do something, he feels like he has to do it too and it’s fucking childish.
and so now my uncle’s planning on moving to live abroad, guess who’s going with him. my fucking dad. they’re going in just a few weeks and i wasn’t even supposed to know about it, my mom told me. saying i’m pissed right now would be an understatement. my dad already knows how i feel about him moving to a different country as i find it hard enough with him living an hour away, but my feelings don’t matter to him and they never did. literally all i want is for him to acknowledge me for once and see that he’s ruining our relationship
| 1 |
Bedbugs are ruining my life.
|
We've had them for about a year now. Tried 3 rounds of chemical treatments which haven't worked. There is heat treatment option available but it's fucking expensive and I'll end up getting into debt if I go down that road, and what if even that doesn't even work.
I live with my girlfriend of 10 years and I love her very much. She's going through a lot of stress at the moment in her work life and has had a few health problems recently as well so I want to be able to be there for her, but it's so hard to be strong all of the time when I can't even relax in my own home because of these fuckers. I haven't had a good night's sleep in ages. We don't want to move house because she had to fight hard to get this place we're currently at. But I feel like I wanna go and live with my folks to get away from it and I know that would be a shitty thing to just walk away and leave her but I feel like I don't have a safe space. For some reason they only bite me and not her, sometimes she thinks I'm making a big issue about it but my mental health is at an all time low, it's Thursday night and I should be looking forward to the weekend but I'm just not.
If I move out then our relationship is doomed, so I'm stuck in this house with these little fucking vampires that are draining me physically and emotionally. I just don't know what to do. And it's not like I can even talk to anyone about it. The landlords are saying it's not their responsibility so at the moment I just can't see a way out.
| 2 |
Trying to accept the possibility of being involuntarily childless
|
I was diagnosed with severe PCOS (my eggs are fugged up, hormones are whack) a few years ago, after trying (and failing) to conceive. We tried vigorously for about two years with no success after taking medication, tracking cycles, fertility specialists, the whole enchilada. My ex and I ended up divorcing for reasons other than my infertility, but sometimes I wonder if things would be different if I was able to have his babies.
Now after a year and a half of being single, and nearing my 28th birthday, the idea that I may not ever have kids is starting to tighten it's grip on me. In addition to my pre-existing infertility issues, I am close to the age where my fertility will start declining even further naturally.
The timeline of finding a partner, and dating for long enough to know you want to have children together will take years in and of itself.
And then the possibility of facing another long, heartbreaking infertility battle to actually conceive the child. Each year my chances get lower and lower.
I've always wanted to be a mother, and I long deeply to experience pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding, watching my kids experience elementary school, see them graduate, watching them drive for the first time, being a grandmother. The idea that it may never happen is not something I'd ever thought I'd had to deal or cope with.
.
.
.
.
And just to add here: adoption/fostering isn't off the table for me, and i know I've always wanted to be a mother in many different ways. Fostering or adopting is something I always assumed I would do at one point in my life. I went to college to pursue a career working with kiddos, because they're freaking awesome!
But the yearning for a biological child is there nonetheless. And grieving a piece of my future I always assumed I would have, is incredibly difficult.
| 1 |
I hate my mom's new boyfriend and i wish they would break up.
|
Me and my mom used to be really close. I could tell her anything and she would always be there for me and i did the same for her.
But a couple months ago she met this guy on some Facebook group for singles and they started talking, then facetiming, and all of the sudden my mom is completely in love with this guy. I was happy for my mom, she had found someone she truly loved and that was great.
But then a month passed by and this guy was all she could talk about and we started getting really distant. She started putting him first always and doing all this stupid stuff like leaving me alone for a week to go see him and not even asking if it was ok for me. I met the guy and he was annoying, sensitive and really christian. And guess what, now my mom is also a full on christian, goes to church every week and all. She has never been all that into religion so it was very strange. Every time the guy would visit us almost every conversation was about God or Jesus. As an atheist this really pissed me off and i tried to talk my mom about it but she just said that i should give him a chance.
Two MONTHS into the relationship and while we were watching Friends (the episode where Chandler and Monica are getting married) my mom suddenly turns to look at me:
"Guess what"
"What..?"
My heart sank when my mom told me that she's marrying this guy (they've dated for two months now). I was so mad but i didn't wanna show it because my mom was so happy. Mom said that the wedding was gonna happen next December (it was currently May). In my opinion they were doing it wayyy too early and it felt really rushed. Again i tried to tell her how i feel but she just said that i dont get how love works and stuff like that. I was not okay with this. She always puts me second and doesn't care about how i feel AT ALL.
Weeks passed and my mom told me that they're planning on moving together to a different city really far from our hometown. I really hated this guy, he was really sweet (way too sweet) but so infuriating, annoying and trying to get me to become a christian all the time. He was also really rude to my mom sometimes but she couldn't notice it. A real manchild.
We had just moved into this town (because my moms last relationship) and i had finally made some friends and now im supposed to do that all again? Not fair in my opinion. But i also don't want to live with my dad, because he's a man and prolly wouldn't understand some ladythings yk, and he also lives in another town.
Oh and they also revealed the engagement the same weekend my cousin had her Rip party/confirmation...? (no clue how to translate it). That was a very big moment to my cousin and my mom completely stole the attention that day. My whole family was not happy about it either and even my grandma was on my side. My mom had the audacity to get mad when no one was that happy for her. Some relatives hadn't even mer this guy and i couldn't even remember his name correctly. And they were getting married.
So i will probably (once again) have to follow my mom into a new city for a man that i really hate and don't want to live with. Me and my mom are not that close anymore (she thinks we are but i hate her). She has changed so much for a man. And i have to pretend its all okay, because if i wont she starts to cry and say that im being unfair and should get to know him more before judging.
But couldn't she get to know him more before MARRYING him and planning on moving together?
So what do yall think? Am i selfish and what should i do??
| 3 |
I feel bad at being a girl
|
TW: mention of eating disorder and body dismorphia
26 cis F. And pretty much like the title says, I feel like I'm bad at being a girl. It's not that I question my gender or feel like I'm not a woman, but more like I feel as though I don't measure up to how I should be as a woman.
There are some "traditionally" feminine things I enjoy, like dressing cute and wearing make-up (though clothes can be tricky bc of my disordered eating/poor body image). But there's other things that I don't align with and it makes me feel broken bc I feel like I can't relate to other women my age about common interests. And it's hard to know how much is tied to my ED and issues with body dysmorphia, so it all feels really murky.
The big thing that's weighing on me right now is that I kinda hate weddings and wedding culture. It's coming on strong bc I have a lot of friends getting married who are having weddings. I do see value in a marital commitment, but I can't stand everything to do with planning and executing a wedding day. I'm glad that it can be joyous for others, but for me it induces dread, like lead in the pit of my stomach, even if I'm just attending or in a bridal party.
The idea of shopping for a wedding dress for myself makes me feel sick with anxiety. The thought of being the center of attention on "my special day" horrifies me. Yes, I know no one is making me do any of those things, and my partner and I have agreed to elope, thank fuck. Even as a bridesmaid I'm struggling a lot, more than I anticipated tbh. But I don't want to let my friend down so I'm committed to seeing this through for this particular event.
It's more that I feel like less of a woman bc these things fill me with dread, so much so that it makes it hard for me to participate in the weddings and related events of my dear friends who I care about a lot. I wish I could enjoy these things like other women my age and I feel less than bc of this.
Am I alone in this? I feel really isolated as I'm in that wedding phase for my social life, and I just want it to be over. Is there something wrong with me?
| 1 |
Im happy I ended my 3 year relationship
|
For the most part my bf (23) and I (23) had a really healthy relationship but as time went on I realized we were and different places in our lives. He was ready to settle down, move in together and start a family and that just didnt feel like what I want or need at this time in my life. He was also very opinionated about what I wore and be very insecure when I wanted to go out with my friends. It took me a while to decide to end things but when I did it felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I still feel very young at heart and want to experience life and other people and be selfish before committing for the rest of my life. I still love him and I think a part of me always will, but I believe he needs to do some growing on his own too and im proud of the decision I made even though it was very very hard. I felt guilty for ending things just because I wanted to be on my own for a while, but im learning to tell myself that I cannot seek happiness from other people and live just trying to make others happy. Sometimes life is hard but you have to do what you feel in your gut is right for you.
| 403 |
I am grateful.
|
After these rough couple of years with, in hindsight, a lot more downs than ups, I started feeling much better mentally. To my credit, I've pushed myself to be able to be in this situation, and it's worth it.
Tonight, nothing bothers me. My mind especially. I can say I am an analyzer, overthinker, and that I live my life in third-person, because I don't enjoy it to the fullest. I don't get that feeling, you know. I concentrate on how to make things better, instead of being grateful for what is in front of myself. But these last 2 weeks, I've purely been doing the same things I've been doing for almost 2 years, but I allowed myself to be myself. I swear to god, I didn't feel the pressures of society, the awkwardness and the fear.
It was just myself being myself, without judging myself, while looking sharp and also taking care of myself, whilst having fun.
To that, I want to say I am grateful for these moments. Now I have something to be grateful from my heart/soul.
| 1 |
My bf is set on getting a dog together soon and I’m terrified
|
My bf (27M) and I (23F) have been together for almost 5 years now. He has been talking to me about getting a dog for a while now. I have been very hesitant. I plan to go to graduate school soon and I’m not sure 100% if will be in-state or out-of-state. In addition, I am nervous about vet bills. I am not afraid about paying standard vet bills, however, I know my mom’s dog (still consider my dog) hit us in the face with massive vet bills due to her severe allergies. I told him if we were to get a dog, a small dog would be best. He’s set on a golden retriever. I am so scared. I do not think we’re ready
Edit: he did mention how he’s tired of nothing to look forward to on his lunchbreaks and how he wants a dog to be excited. I am still terrified
| 1 |
Hello, I hope someone will see this
|
Today i lost a last thing that kept me alive.
My Girlfriend left me propably for good and i can't do shit about it.
At first, sorry for my bad english because i am not an english speaker. I don't know if someone will even read this, but i kinda hope so.
So im curently having the worst time of my life, for some time now im having suidical thoughts and i basicly wan't to die everyday now, but there was one thing keeping me alive. My girlfriend.
But today she left me, she said she lost it and she doesn't love me the way she did before. And that make me lost my entire hope of anything. I was crying for hours and i still can't get my shit togheter. You know, she has her own problems, and i met her when i was saving her life, and i did it a few times, i was caring a lot about her, i was doing a lot for her. And yet im left all alone. I want to die right now, i wish i could do something to not make it happen but im too much of a fuckin failure. I don't know if i can make it alive till tommorow. I just can't live without her. Im such a fuckin disaster.
I just had to get this off my chest.
| 2 |
Living with my mom has made me lose respect for her.
|
Growing up I never thought her relationship with her husband was odd I guess because it was all I knew.
He gets mad when she leaves the house even just to spend time with my siblings. He’ll give her the cold shoulder once she gets back to their house. I can’t have a private conversation with her without him hovering by their bedroom door or kitchen just to listen. I’ve even caught him sneaking around the corner just to listen. I’ll shut the door to get privacy and he’ll find some excuse to open it. He’s made comments about her cheating on him. She can’t even go to her own room to have time by herself without him saying something. I’ve heard him love bombing her and it’s make me sick to my stomach. I’ve tried to get her to see how he is and no matter what he does or says she refuses to leave. She’ll snap back at him but it will just be the same situation the next day.
He’s bullied my child and when they tried telling my mom what happened she didn’t believe them. It’s not the first time one of my kids have tried telling her he has said or done something to them and she doesn’t believe it. She actually gets mad or snappy at them for trying to tell her what happened.
Yesterday I was about to leave the room I’m sleeping in and over heard a conversation that sounded like he looked through the crack of my door and saw something he shouldn’t. And something alone the lines of I want “modesty” the only way he could have seen into my room was if he turned his body to look directly into the small crack of the door. My mom doesn’t know I overheard this conversation and I don’t know if I should say something. She asked him why he was looking through the crack and he repeated about him wanting modesty and then snapped to just forget it. I don’t know if she hasn’t said anything because she’s knows it’s wrong or if she’s trying to protect him like always.
| 2 |
I don’t like my mother
|
“Why don’t you have my back anymore?”. She’d ask me. “Why don’t you respond?”, “You didn’t see me calling?”
And I did. I seen it all, but I choose to ignore it just like how you chose to ignore me. You ignored my needs and put yours before mine. Remember when I asked, “why are you treating me this way?” You heard it, but chose to ignore it. I remember when I was little taking care of your feelings while putting mine on hold, I guess this is why our dynamic is the way it is. The way my mother would spend my childhood arguing and fighting with my dad, and I was always on her side comforting her..but nobody ever comforted me..
Until the day she left him I became the one she mistreated. You needed chaos somewhere and I was blind to see it wasn’t just him, it was you. You needed to be in control at all times and if you weren’t you’d lash out. But what about the little girl who was always there for you? She’s gone and she’s not coming back. I’ve always been the straight A student, while you praised your sons who didn’t do anything but eat, sleep, and make a mess everywhere. No wonder you stayed with that man for so long, this is the environment you’ve always been used to. While you made me the back burner while you laughed and belittled me. Remember the time you called me a slave and compared me to Cinderella? Remember the time I was forced to clean while you joked around about your boys being messy and told me, “this is what being a mother is supposed to be like” like IM the one who’s supposed to take care of YOUR children?? Remember the time you made me cook and help with YOUR Childs home work and constantly making me the babysitter but not being allowed to go places and have freedom? But would let your oldest son do whatever he pleases. Remember when you would joke around and call me ugly and the multiple times you’d compare yourself to me because you’re jealous of me? Calling me stupid, calling me slow and all the sly remarks you made?? And you expect me to be on your side?? And each time I would cry..but I’m done crying. I’m done showing you weakness. I want nothing to do with you. And that’s not even all you’ve done to me. This constant trauma that I don’t go a second without thinking everyday. And the cake topper, you slapping me every time I’d try to defend myself. It riles me up every time I think about it. But you’ve never laid a finger on your precious sons , it’s always a slap on the wrist every time they do something wrong. And after you slap me, you belittle me by calling me a punk, weak, and scary and I’m supposed to have your back??? When the f* did you ever have mine?? Just yesterday you implied I’m a sl** for being out with my boyfriend when all I did was sit in FRONT OF OUR HOUSE because I have no freedom, but you got pregnant when you were 19? Stop projecting your insecurities and the fact you lost your youth for being with the wrong man who everyone told you about. I’m not living my life in your footsteps and that’s why you hate me so much. I’m tired of being scared of you and I’m tired of not sticking up for myself. If you want to be my bully then go ahead you already succeed. You can slap me as hard as you want you don’t scare me.
And what irritates me the most is the fact you act like you didn’t do anything. You’re the exact same as my father, a narcissist. The next day you act like nothing happened and you want to be cool. I need to learn how to stop falling for it and to have my guard up around you. You want to call me your “baby” and your precious daughter but continue to treat me like crap, I don’t get it? How can you love me but hate me at the same time? I’m tired of her and I’m tired of everything. I just want to move out and be free it’s hell living here.
Tl;dr narcissistic mother who’s in secret competition with her daughter, and constantly belittles me and I’m tired of it
| 1 |
There’s something wrong with me
|
Ever since i can remember I’ve been different. When i was younger in class i remember listening to other people talk to each other with suck normality and with such ease, it just made me feel out of place all of the time. I could change the way i acted, the way i looked and the way i talked but I’ve never felt like I’ve belonged. With my old friend group and current one it’s the same, i don’t feel like i connect with anything they’re saying, but it’s not just them it’s everyone, my family especially. Sometimes i often forget that my mother is actually mother and my brother is actually my brother etc. I try so hard and mimic everyone else’s behaviour that now i don’t know who i truly am, I’ve done so much to try and be like them that it’s left me with no sense of identity. I feel like i am no one, I’ve never shown anyone who i am because even i don’t know, i forget. Sometimes i feel like i am not a person but just thoughts that’s been forced to take a physical body. I have a good way of thinking, using rationality and critical thinking that makes me see things that other people don’t, like really simple solutions to even simpler problems. I don’t know why but when i see other people act irrational or with stupidity, it annoys me because it’s so simple not to do this. I have a weird way of thinking and solving things in my head, my friends think I’m smart but i just use common sense and logic to derive conclusions. Perhaps this is a skill i picked up mimicking other peoples personalities so i could be socially acceptable.
I know this is a rant but i have nowhere else i can project my feelings and thoughts. Thanks and sorry to whoever read this
| 1 |
Gf talks about her past experiences too much
|
Throwaway because she knows my Reddit haha, well to preface me (27m) and the gf (26f) have been together about 6 months now. Our relationship is great, I can confidently say she is my bestfriend and I love her so dearly. Our sex life is also really good and she has helped me explore so much of myself. Which brings me to my next point, I was a very socially inept person for a long time on top of the fact I was pretty morbidly obese and just overall lacked confidence for most of my life, thankfully over the years I’ve turned a lot of that around. Prior to my current girlfriend I have only ever had sex with one other girl, I hadn’t even kissed another girl due to how that relationship played out and many many other reasons that just kept me from even trying. Fast forward all these years and when my girlfriend and I first started dating she was very open about her sexual experiences, she has had a lot in her time in college. Now I think that’s perfectly fine and I think she’s totally justified in having her sexual freedom but she brings up her experiences a little too frequently. When we first started dating she got very detailed about specific hookups and would share details about how much she enjoyed it and how loud she was, etc. Again I am aware that she was active in her past which is perfectly fine but she will also frequently go “god I was such a w***e back then” or go back into random hookup stories and they are usually pretty soon after we have sex or just randomly like talking about a movie we both liked and she has to go out of her way to talk about how she saw it with a friends with benefits and she remembered she liked it before they went and hooked up. I’m not shaming her in any way, but the frequency she brings it up makes me feel insecure about my own lack of experience, and how she brings it up makes me feel like she’s unhappy, though she says she is very satisfied when I ask. I love her a lot and again she really is probably the best woman I’ve ever met but this is just something that either she doesn’t realize she’s doing or I’m just being overly sensitive and insecure? Any advice would be greatly appreciated
| 3 |
I (28M) have realized my father (63M) is a white supremacist and I'm terrified to continue living with him.
|
So after my last job ended (contract, not full time, as a product manager) and a week later having to undergo my 3rd open heart surgery, I had to move back in wither my father as my lease was ending and I was flat broke. Over the last few years he's been going further and further right. Back in December I had to have my open heart surgery and my father refused to get the covid vaccine so he could be there for me (i ended up not having anyone visit me or help me after surgery (literally drove myself to the grocery store the day after i got out because i didnt stock up before but i have a high pain tolerance, and i technically wasnt allowed to drive for a month after surgery, yes, it was stupid, but i didnt have any other choice). . Well after i got out, I couldn't get another job soon enough and was forced to move back in with him on the other side of the country.
A couple weeks after I moved back home, I went to the bar with him and his girlfriend, my first time going out since September (my condition was getting worse and worse leading up to the surgery). Well hid friend walks into the bar and I see him throw a nazi salute at him which he returned. I brushed it off thinking he was just being ironic or maybe I just missed something. Over the last few months he's said some dogwhistles, nothing definitely a dogwhidtle but enough to make cock my head. Well the other day he told me to start looking at jobs here in town and how it should he easier because and I quote "at least here, I am the right color".
I honestly couldn't believe he said that and everything started to falk in place. Now I'm personally pretty far left leaning. Im disabled due to my connective tissue disorder I inherited from my mother. I can't do any work that has me standing for than 5 minutes, I don't do physical labor so my only options are in office jobs but even then, i really need a work from home position. I'm desperately applying for work and if I could get a work from home position, I could move in with a friend down in Austin and I'd only have to pay $400 in rent until I could get something better paying. But unfortunately right now I'm having to sell my stuff just so I can afford my heart meds (I'm also a chronic pain patient but can't afford the appointments which means I can't get the meds I need which means my pain is agonizing currently). My father is becoming increasingly overly critical and I'm getting scared.
I don't feel safe at all but I can't afford my heart meds, I can't afford to move out. All I can do is desperately apply for jobs but since all my experience is as a product manager (a type of project manager but for software development and includes business duties like market analysis, working with sales, etc etc), im really struggling just to get interviews since all the tech companies are firing people and flooding the labor market with people right in my profession.
All I can do is keep my head down, apply for work, and say nothing when he complains about everyone asking for handouts, or complain about how weak men are today while giving me the side eye since I'm only 150 pounds at 6'5. He's changed so much in the last 10 years and I don't know who he is anymore. I'd cut contact tomorrow if I could but even if I get a job and move out, he's the only person I have in my "support" network if I lose my job again. I have to act like I love it here and how thankful I am to him for everything, when he refused to come to my 3rd open heart surgery, and he's saying every dog whistler he can and the occasional out right racist or white supremacist shit.
I have to stay quiet while he complains about welfare queens and freenloaders and gives me the side eye. I have to sell my belongings just so I can afford my heart meds. I'm scared shirtless and all I want is to get a job and move in with my friend. Between struggling just to afford my medication, not having anyone visit me while I was in the hospital, and rarely ever even hearing back from job applications (I actually even did a screening interview while in the Cardiac ICU, this was my like 5 major surgery overall so I'm used to it all so it wasn't a challenge at all), I still wish I hadn't woken up from surgery.
All I want in life is to work and be alone and I can't even manage that...
| 5 |
My little brother is suffering and seems hellbent on destroying himself and I think his issues are my fault
|
I already know this will be very long. I really don't expect anyone to read it all. It's just too much to keep in my head.
25 years ago, my mom had a baby boy. They named him after my great grandfather because my grandmother had said he looked just like her dad. I will just call him "W" here. I was 7 years old and I always wanted a younger brother. I begged my parents to have another kid, and when he arrived I took it like they'd granted my wish. I tried to involve myself as much as I possibly could. My parents had been great with me and my older brother but although they were still involved, as W got older they pretty much let me take care of him anytime I wanted to, so he became like my shadow.
Looking back, allowing a 7 year old free reign with an infant/toddler/young child was probably not the greatest for his development. I truly love my brother but I remember doing things like playing mean pranks on him in front of my friends to make him cry, running off and abandoning him on purpose because I was tired of entertaining him, just dumb stuff kids do without realizing it might affect others.
I don't want to look like I'm saying this in a rude way, but I don't know how else to put it but to say that W has always, always been a really odd kid. I suspect my hand in his upbringing contributed significantly but maybe it was something genetic. Even from the time he was a little baby, he's always been weird/different and had a hard time fitting in.
He gets these extreme obsessions with things. I don't think it would be a stretch to say he has this bizarre, almost like a crush on steam trains. The obsession also extends to basically anything train-like as well. Other things too like various historical figures (he would dress up like Lincoln or JFK and go around pretending to be them, even to the extent of going to school in costume), iconic/tragic things like the Titanic and the space shuttle, and also, his art. He could draw recognizable humans by the time he was like 1.5yrs old and was taking over the living room making stop motion shorts at like 5.
He's also very determined/stubborn and it is impossible to stop him once he has an idea (which is why his mental state is scaring the crap out of me right now). He hated school because they made him do things he wasn't interested in, and refused to do the work. He wasn't necessarily combative or rude, but he would just stubbornly do whatever he wanted instead, which meant he was constantly in trouble for drawing instead of doing schoolwork and that kind of thing. When W was 16, the dean called him in and said something along the lines of "if you're not here to learn, why don't you just drop out?" which was a terrible thing to say to someone like W. He took it as an ultimatum and never went back. When my parents flipped out, he packed his shit and left, claiming he was going to start his own studio.
That didn't work out very well, he wound up homeless pretty quick and came back looking for help, from me, because he knew my parents were not an option. They just wanted him to finish school and go on to college, etc. like the rest of us. They've never really supported his art which is odd, seeing as his namesake was an artist as well, and you'd think they would approve in his case.
But my grandmother definitely approved, she was always super close with W (he was definitely the fave grandkid). I suspect her death was a contributing factor to his current issues as well, because she and I were like the only people in the family who pretty much just accepted W for who he is and now it's only me. Anyway, she helped out and we were able to get him set up with a studio and he did pretty well for awhile. Then he ran out of money and at this point, she had passed and it was just me helping.
I agreed to come on as like a financial consultant type of guy lol, I work in investment banking and I was able to help him out and keep his studio from going completely bankrupt, and actually, both of us together were able to get him some actual successes, everything was in the black and things were going really well until one of his collaborations went south, he lost money, his ip, and a few people who were working for us at the time. This is where the dive into his current state began.
W is a truly decent, well meaning person. He's very genuine and isn't mean or malicious or anything like that. He is very intense though, and it often rubs people the wrong way, and he's not very self aware, he doesn't seem to be able to see how he comes off to others. There was a situation that arose shortly after the failed collab where one of his oldest employees turned on him behind his back and started some sort of rebellion among the people still left. W often believes his employees to be his friends. He doesn't recognize that people will be nice to the boss even if they don't actually like him as a person, and was totally blindsided by this guy turning on him. When he found out he called me crying hysterically, like a little kid, full on convulsive sobbing type of stuff.
After that incident, W seemed to change, his attitude got dark and he started saying awful things about himself, how he hates himself, he's a fuck up, a loser, a piece of shit, everyone hates me, etc. He has always been very self-deprecating in the first place, doesn't know how to take compliments gracefully, so this wasn't too shocking, and I thought that time and maybe some redeeming success would cure it.
For awhile everything seemed to go back to normal and he even managed to hook up with a big name studio to work on a project together, it really looked like he had finally made it and I could relax a little lol. My parents even got on board and after awhile they wound up agreeing to invest in this project. And then the other studio backed out, I suspect because W was trying to completely take over and direct everything, he has a habit of being a terrible micro manager and doesn't seem to recognize that other people might know better. He lost everything, including a big chunk of my parents' money, and that didn't go over well at all. They were pissed, they wanted their money back, and they threatened to cut him off completely/take away his trust (my dad was the main one behind this and he has always been against W's art stuff, I think he finds it girly somehow or something, obviously I think that's ridiculous).
So after that it has just turned into a total tailspin. He used his rent money to pay his employees, lost his place, and started sleeping at work. I had to let him stay in our guest house, which upset my wife, who likes to have it for her parents. So he was aware he was some sort of "burden" to us and that wasn't helping his attitude which was already even worse than before.
My brother really likes to smoke cigs, drink, and smoke weed/eat weed edibles. He will also take any type of pill or whatever else will "take him out of reality", his words. He doesn't do anything in moderation so he was going through like 3-4 packs of cigs a day and getting trashed/baked every evening, staying up all night working while totally incapacitated, and wondering why his work was declining in quality. After we caught him smoking in the guest house my wife insisted he stay somewhere else so we put an inflatable mattress in his office and he slept there, alone, still doing everything possible to destroy his body.
He scared the crap out of me so bad trashing himself over text that I drove and brought him back, much to my wife's irritation. That lasted about 24 hours before she demanded I take him back to his studio.
At some point, during all of his, he also fell off a horse (he has always been naturally very uncoordinated and horseback riding/polo is the last thing I'd tell him to take up, so of course, he took it up) and somehow fractured one of his vertebrae and decided to do basically nothing about it. He claimed it was a pulled muscle and kept working.
Nobody knew about this until he also got sick with some heinous flu-like thing and I caught a look at his bare legs and realized he had basically wasted away to nothing. He looked like a famine victim, he had the most horrendous cough I'd ever heard, his lips were gray, and he's carrying on about how he "doesn't want to be here anymore" (ie, he wants to die). So I dragged him to the ER where they discovered he had double pneumonia and a broken back! Fun times.
He refused to eat, and was down to about a hundred pounds at six feet tall, so the hospital wanted to place an NG tube and he fought them over it until he had to be forced for his own good, which helped to keep him alive obviously but he seemed traumatized by it like he had been violated or something.
After the hospital released him, he came back to our house. My wife agreed, because I assured her that under no circumstances was I letting my little brother chainsmoke with double pneumonia and whatever else was going on with his health.
So now I'm working from home so I can make sure he doesn't get ahold of a knife or a gun or a rope, or pills, or whatever, and off himself. I can't sleep, my wife is on edge because she's sure he's going to do something awful to himself and she's afraid of finding him or worse, our daughter finding him. His cough is better, but he won't eat hardly anything at all and when he's not sleeping, he intermittently tries to go back to his various projects but will usually sit there staring at it, crying. I do not know how to help him. He's excellent at being stoic for long enough to get out of any kind of treatment and won't willingly see a therapist/psychiatrist.
I don't know what to do. I feel like being a 7 year old "parent", I screwed him up irreparably and I owe it to him to try to fix it, whatever it is that causes him to want to destroy himself. He is so talented and has such an insane imagination but he can't seem get out of this spiral he's in and I don't know if I can stop it either. Unlike my wife, I don't worry about finding him dead, because I know he wouldn't do that to us. I worry about finding him gone. Because I will immediately know what he's gone to do.
I wonder if this will even post, being so long.
| 3 |
I (23M) can't be just friends with her (27F)
|
I'll try to keep it short. Met this girl like 2-3 years ago through a friend, chatted, eventually really really started liking her. Finally got myself to tell her I like her almost a year ago, she said she sees me as a brother and cant have feelings for me. I thought by telling her it would at least make me feel better. But it didn't to be honest.
After that I distanced myself and she got mad because I started ghosting her because I just couldn't be around her/talk to her. Eventually she called me and said she missed me and wants to be friends. And thats how the last few months have been. We are pretty much best friends for 2 months and then get mad at each other for 2 months. And I just can't keep doing this dance with her. Literally feels like she goes back to me whenever she doesn't have anyone else (she even admitted while crying that she doesn't really have anyone).
I know eventually she is gonna message/call me to fix things and I'm not sure if I want to. Do I miss her? Absolutely. She is a wonderful person who deserves the world, but I don't know if I can be just friends. My best friend who is close friends with her (lives for a few months a year at her city) has been trying to make me (probably her too) message the other one to fix things. He even invited me for a few days to his place and mentioned we would hang out with her.
I fucking miss her so much but at the same time I don't know how to be "just" friends.
tldr: fell in love with my girl best friend, cant be just friends with her, not really talking atm and i know eventually she will message/call me to fix things and im not sure i want to
| 3 |
I feel guilty about my strained relationship with my dad
|
My (19m) dad is an alcoholic but is definitely more tame now then in the past. When I was younger he was awful to me and my mom so eventually she split. I lived in one household one part of the week and another the other part. Once my mom was out I was there for my dad to take his grievances out on. He was mean and took shots at me personally and about my body and on one occasion punched me. He has left me with lasting mental wounds and ideas about my worth I don’t think I’ll ever truly be able to get out. He got remarried and she simmered him down a bit but he was still an asshole. And while my stepmom is great and definitely helped him out a lot she is very combative and I ending up spending most of my time in my room in the basement away from those two arguing and being pissy. About a year ago my dad and I had a big falling out because of my college decision because he is still stuck in the 60s and if I don’t go to Yale I’m obviously going to become a junkie on the side of the road. I cut off contact and refused to talk to him in person unless it was in my therapist’s office. I got him in there and it was actually a very helpful session and I think he better understands why our relationship is the way it is and why I cannot fully trust him or feel safe around him. Truthfully I think he was too drunk to remember most of the awful shit he did. We have since patched things up a but and I don’t feel as tense whenever I’m at their house but I still don’t go over a ton. After typing all of that out it just makes me angry at him again but I still can’t shake the guilt that I don’t go enough. They moved to a new house while our falling out was going on and set up a room for me still and want me to stay the night and that stuff but plain and simple that is not my home. My home is the other house where there has never been a screaming match with my mom, stepdad, and stepbrothers. I wish I didn’t feel guilty about this especially now that my dad and stepmom recently had my half-brother. I was hoping that once my brother got here I could stop feeling bad for my dad about his child not wanting to be near him but I just do. Should I feel this way?
| 2 |
I feel like all the really pretty and popular girls think I’m a loser since I’ve only had sex with 1 person
|
I’ve never been that popular and I’m also self conscious about my looks
| 3 |
I’m kind of glad that I have vaginismus
|
Well, I’m sure I’m not the only one, but I‘m relieved that I have vaginismus. I don’t even want to have penetrative sex. Don’t ask me to explain why because I couldn’t tell you. There are times though where I wish I had the choice to know what it felt like, but if we were talking about an actual person, I’m already uncomfortable with the thought they’ll touch me down there at all. Secretly I’d prefer if I had no genitals at all.
| 1 |
I feel like a horrible human 24/7
|
I don’t even know where to start, I didn’t cry when my own grandmother died even though I loved her so much.
People’s emotions confuse me but I understand them, but sometimes I feel like a serial killer because I can feel absolutely nothing and no emotion or feel like i’m going to explode and there is rarely an in between. I think i convince myself stuff is real or fake when it’s the opposite and I do stuff sometimes that i know I shouldn’t be doing but i also don’t think it’s that bad but I only regret it after. (eg. shoplifting, drinking, etc.)
I’m overly impulsive at times but I also know what i’m doing? it’s really heard to explain.
I started SH for two years because I felt (an emotion that was and wasn’t guilt and was very intense) because i thought my uncle was being weird in a bad way but he wasn’t and this wasn’t the first time I thought someone was being weird for no reason. I don’t even know what i’m talking about half the time like for example right now , maybe i’m making all of how I think I feel up and i’m just trying to get attention for no reason? I literally downloaded an app to make friends and ended up looking for male attention on it (I’m lesbian and feel horrible for contributing to that stereotype) because i am extremely insecure even though I try to pretend i’m not even to myself, I was on my own for like four days and ended up sending photos to three different guys even though I have a girlfriend who i love very much and would die for? BUT sometimes i feel like i’m faking it but I do love her and I might honestly just give up soon, I tried like two years ago but I chickend out and I literally haven’t even admitted to myself yet that I want to start not being okay again.
I feel like a robot who’s coding got really badly messed up with a sledge hammer and if i say this out loud then it might be true, who’s knows maybe i’m lying to myself again.
Sorry though I feel like a complete psychopath but there is not a person who I feel like could understand this and i’m starting to loose hope slowly and painfully. There’s so much more but this is already so long (sorry for the not coherent english).
| 1 |
I’ve been pretending to be communist to fuck blue haired egirls with septum piercings
|
Not that I’m a secret republican or anything, I’ve just never even read Marx and don’t plan to cause that shit is boring. The egirls never quiz me on it, I just say edgy shit like “chairman mao did nothing wrong” or “fuck South Korea” throw in some “seize the means of production” plus post memes about bussy and they swoon. I’m I a bad person?
| 1 |
My (24M) younger sister (17F) is making my family go crazy
|
Throwaway bc I don’t want anyone close to me reading this.
I (24M) am absolutely frustrated with my sister (17F). To everyone else, she is the perfect child. She is incredibly charasmatic, smart and silly. She’s overall a good friend who advocates for them and makes sure they can do whatever they dream to do. She also got into my nation’s top rated university. She is a very accomplished young woman. However, at home, she’s a menace.
Towards my mom, dad and I, she is constantly upset and frustrated at us and their actions. She acts like she has this moral and mental superiority as if everything she’s doing is 100% correct.
Although she is doing great in life, she constantly shits on all of us for doing things in a way that she doesn’t like. For example, my mom and dad are generally comfortable in their finances. Because of this, they wanted to host a birthday party for her. When they merely mentioned the thought of this and asked her for her opinion, she lashed out, “I DONT WANT A BIRTHDAY PARTY I DONT WANT YOU ALL WASTING ALL YOUR MONEY ON ME STOP IT IT’S SO POINTLESS IT’S SUCH A BAD IDEA.” In this moments she would scream and make my parents feel terrible for even approaching her with the idea. A week before her birthday, we proposed the idea once again and she became more amicable towards the idea until she completely consented to having us throw her a party. We ended up throwing a party for her anyways and she really enjoyed it. She was surrounded by her closest friends and family and did not mention a single word throughout about her previous disapproval or how it was a waste of money.
She acts like this for every situation where she disagrees on something. We recently bought her a laptop for college (it was an extra from work that we bought discounted 75%! It was a great deal) as a graduation present. It was supposed to be something nice for her. Her first response was: “why would you buy this for me? It’s such a waste of money. I don’t want it! Even my cousin has a better more lightweight laptop than his! It’s useless i dont want it I really don’t want it thank you but I don’t want it.” She made my mom cry and she did this in front of my girlfriend. A month later, she barely uses it but when I ask to use it for a few minutes she tells me to get my own.
Im trying to be understanding of her situation but, from what I can gather, none of us have done anything truly wrong to her nor has anyone else. She just acts this way every time we deny her of something or we provide for her something she doesn’t like. I wish there was some way I can help her be nicer to my parents and I but when I ask her what’s wrong she’s gets upset at me saying I’m stalking her (?). She also says this when my parents try to call her asking what time she’s coming home (my parents give her no set curfew. Just as long as she call them and lets them know she might be staying for the night). Also I tried for a calm resolution with about what happened with my parents how she’s acting for myself and my parent. But by the end, she got overwhelmed very quickly and started screaming at me.
Does anyone have any advice for how to make my sister more amicable towards her close family?
| 1 |
I left my ex about a year ago. I have a new girlfriend I love but I keep missing my ex, regardless of how shitty she treated me
|
I was with my ex for slightly over 5 years. We graduated high school together and it felt like we started our lives together. We were deeply in love for a long time, and even have a kid. I must be such a pushover because she has done some really bad things to me that I seemed to just overlook for a while and only looked at the positives.
Some of the negatives -
- she was insanely spontaneous. Constantly wanting to do things when I’m much more a home body.
- hung out with this friend who constantly convinced her to cheat on me. I wouldn’t be shocked if she did at some point.
- we went on 3 “breaks” that she wanted. Each time I found out after that she was messing around with a guy during the break while I was sitting at home being led on by her
- she’s very careless as a parent
- she has bad mental health problems. And I might be an ass for saying this, but I got sick of dealing with it because she NEVER did anything to help herself. No meds, therapy, nothing. I was always the one who had to spend so much energy trying to help her.
- we lived together in 3 different apartments. She can hardly hold a job and relies so much on her parents that she moved back within 3 months every time.
Our happy times were incredible. If we were just chilling, talking, or doing something we liked together then it would seem like we were soulmates. But the other times were bad. I would sometimes dread seeing her and leaving her was ALWAYS in the back of my head.
I finally worked up the nerve to tell myself that the negatives outweigh the positives and that I was being treated horrible. I still can’t help myself to think back and wonder if I should have just stuck it out, because I’ve never felt that love for anyone. The little laughs, smiles, adventures and vacations were just perfect, there was just so many bad times we had where I feel like she was fucking me over. I think part of us are soulmates but she has a side where she struggles with being very attention needy that no one person can support which would cause her to push many boundaries in our relationship.
| 3 |
I'm finally feeling better!
|
Today is my (m) 16th birthday. I'm obviously really excited, but this also brings back sad memeries, because last year on July 15th (one day after my birthday), my grandmother was diagnosed with leukemia. As you can imagine, this killed the birthday vibe pretty quickly.
All summer long I visited my grandmother every day and helpen together. Over 5 weeks I watched her slowly get weaker and ultimately pass away on the 18th of August.
The worst part was, all my friends were on holiday, except my best friend, but I couldn't reach him, because he didn't have a phone. So I had noone to talk to. So for the rest of my summer vacation I just sat there, alone, dealing with the worst feelings I've ever felt.
It just sucked to realize that I would never be able to visit my grandmother again, no more sleepovers, no more of her delicious cooking, no more hugs.
My grandmother was the best person I've ever met and one reddit post will never be enough to show just how special she was. She was so kind and caring, I don't have a single memory of her being angry. Even after she got home from the hospital after she was diagnosed, while everyone was crying she just said: 'It's alright, I've lived a long and happy life.' Every morning I would visit and she'd tell me how happy she was to still be alive, despite her condition. She said that every sunrise was a gift from god.
The worst part was that my grandfather is a massive asshole whose always mistreated her and treated her like his personal servant for as I can remember.
My grandfather is still depressed, even a year later, he barely showers and never washes his clothes. He also never flushes the toilet, so his entire house smells like piss. And every week my mother has to go there and clean, because my grandpa refuses to do so.
For a long time this left my feeling down, but around November last year I discovered self improvement. No, not the toxic self improvement community like you know who, but a positive community. I've been working really hard on myself, and I've learnt to process and deal with my negative emotions instead of just pushing them away.
I have a bunch of really great friends whom I've also told about my struggles, and they've really helped me deal with those feelings, and develop as a person.
Now it's my birthday again, and I'm feeling a lot better, so you don't have to worry about me.
The only thing I still want, is a girlfriend, but now that my mind is in the right place, and I've worked on my appearance, I hope that shouldn't take to long :)
Anyways, thank you for reading this long post and have a great day!
| 1 |
fuck you cheaters
|
you
| 5 |
what do I do
|
I am not really sure how to even start this off because I’m not use to talking about my feelings but 4-5 months ago I was prescribed anti depressants 50mg Prozac which was fine an everything until out of nowhere my doctor cut me off of them, now I have always had issues with my anger and controlling it and that’s what I had said to my doctor who said the Prozac would help with that. so when I was off those meds which was for about 2-3 weeks I ended up getting into a physical altercation at school which ended up with me getting charged with 4 different charges. After that all happened the charges were dropped because I hadn’t been on my meds, so when I got new meds I was out on 100mg of Zoloft which I had never tried before so I was really nervous to start it, I took it for a total of 4 days and during that time I was hallucinating, had the worst tremors possible and my anger issues multipled by like 10, I was snapping at the smallest things, so I stopped taking the Zoloft and have been having suicidal thoughts every so often now I never had those thoughts before I just struggled with self harm (cutting & burning) so I got really worried and still am really worried because they just won’t go away. I contacted my doctor again and asked for an urgent appointment, when I went in the put me on Prozac again just a higher dose and I’m really scared to start taking them because what if it gets worse and I’m not able to handle those thoughts. I’m just so confused and sad I have no idea what to do. any advice?
| 1 |
I really fucked up by ending my relationship
|
spoiler for mentioning suicidal thoughts
I regret breaking up with my now ex boyfriend so much I don’t know what I was thinking when I said that I didn’t want to be with them anymore, I miss them more than anything and it’s killing me. I’m fully to blame for the breakup and I’m aware that this is the consequences of my actions now but I just wish I treated them better and could take it all back, it’s been nearly three months since we separated but it’s all just hitting me now, probably because I brought it up a few weeks ago (because originally when we broke up they said they wanted a break), but they flat out said they don’t love me anymore and I’m trying to respect that and want them to be happy don’t get me wrong, but I just can’t move on I don’t know what to do with myself anymore I’ve spent the last two years thinking of a future together and I blew it, I’ve never been so depressed and I’ve had so many suicidal thoughts but have been too scared to actually do anything (fortunately). I haven’t brought any of this up to them because I don’t want to sound like one of those “nice guys” who threaten their ex and they shouldn’t have to worry about this stuff which is why I’m venting here bc I have nowhere else to turn to.
I’ve had so many chances to make things up with them yet blew all of them, I just want one more chance but I can’t/won’t force them to love me again I need to move on
I’m so sorry L I hope I can move on and be happier one day too.
Please don’t comment anything like “what did you except” etc I don’t need your input
| 4 |
Sometimes I want to kill myself for being a woman.
|
I know how messed up it is and I do understand that simply being a woman doesn't make me any less valuable than anyone else. I want to say though that all throughout my entire life, I have always been an overachiever. I always needed to be the best and I've always become very upset when I couldn't. As an example of this, I was valedictorian in high school and I did not give myself the option to be anything else. While I do consider myself a feminist, I have to accept the facts as well. Unfortunately for me, men are physically stronger than women and there's nothing I can do about it. People hate women's sports. People hate watching women succeed. When young and insecure men see a strong woman succeeding I always see them say things like "well I could beat the shit out of her she's a woman". People think I'm stupid because I'm not a man and i get treated differently. I just hate it so much and I want it to end, and I feel like I have to prove myself to the miserable people even though I know I don't. I feel like I have to be better, smarter, and stronger than all of these people who doubt me because I'm a woman, and I feel like I have to rub it in their ugly faces too. But I can never be stronger than them and it makes me so furious that I just wanna kill myself and get it all over with sometimes.
Logically, I understand that my physical strength does not determine my value as a human being, and neither does me being "better" or "worse" at something than somebody else is. I know in my mind that I can live a fufulling life despite what I've said here. But every once in a while, I get these feelings anyways.
| 1 |
He wants a 3some not a marriage.
|
So just to start off I want to say that I might ramble a lot. Since I have a real bad habit of that bonus point for having bad grammar too.
I have know my current partner for 5 years and he is a very good person. He is dependable, sometimes trust worthy, and overall good father to our 4 M child. I have no problems joking with him or even having deep talks with him. I think its important to note that we never really had a stable relationship since the beginning a lot of stuff I was trying to fix and a lot of things he was trying to fix. I'm not the most amazing person either I grew up in a hard life with my family and gone through things that should only exist in bad movies. But the story and our story is too long to share on this post. Also I suffer from basic stuff like depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc. I've been better than who I was before but I still need to work on how I react to situations. Regardless of my terrible mood and his lack of emotional support we always made it work somehow. I love him and I think he loves me but I never felt 100% about the feeling.
But moving on to the main topic... When me and my partner first got together we were FWB then turned to relationship with my son being involved. I live a very wild life in the military and had little self control of what I did. And somewhere in year one that we were dating I mentioned I had a 3some once. And he said that he never had a 3some to which then brought up that we should have one. Now I'm bi so I can swing both ways when sleeping with someone. So I agreed with him at first but then my belly was getting better at the time from my pregnancy. So back out of it telling him we can try another time after I'm not pregnant. But giving birth and raise a baby was harder then I could ever imagine and at the time I didn't think I had PPD. So when it was brought up again I agree again... Yet I couldn't stand the way I looked and how I felt about myself so I backed out again. Each time that I did this he used to be so angry with me and say stuff like " Why don't you want to experience this with me? Don't you love me?" Or "You just like playing with my feelings, don't you know I just want to have fun too?" " Why is okay for you to experience it, but I can't?" He said a lot of other things but I can't really remember well enough. Because of my habit to forget terrible things that are said and done to me.
In the back of my head I think maybe I should just give him what he wants since I'm the one that keeps agreeing but backing out last second.
There is more time that this has happened like the one time we finally were able to go out after COVID. And I planned a dinner and bar date but he was high on Ambien and processed to try to find a hooker for us to sleep with. Which I told him I didn't like but he doesn't listen to me in that state. We ended up go to a strip club after he was scammed out of 300 dollars. I spent the whole talking with the girls and having a blast with the strippers there lol. But the next morning he had told me if I can suck his D\*\*k because he was feeling sad about what happened last night and it would make him feel better. (Ps when we went to dinner at a nice place he was basically gone the whole time trying buy gift cards for said hooker, I spent the dinner alone mostly).
Another time that it was planned he was on Ambien again and decided it was okay to ask his ex wife, whom I don't have good history with. Of course not to mention that she is 50% of the reason we have any relationship problems. The other are his family and him.
But yeah sine you are all caught up now we are at present day. Afterwards all the fighting and few break ups he finally decided he wanted to marry me. After first saying he was never going to marry anyone again, but it wasn't going to be right away. Then right afterwards he said he wanted to talked about having a 3some again. At this point in my life I'm not so attached to him as I was and have a lot more confidence in myself mentally and emotionally and financially. I have no problem since he lacks some thing in the bed that I crave for. But I told him we should be married first since it's something I've been wanting as well. So that I get what I want and he gets what he wants done deal right. Well at least I believe it was fair for both of us, yet the other day he said that he didn't want to get married then have a 3some. But instead he wanted to have the 3some first then get married since it doesn't matter and won't change anything. I then told him that that is what my deal is we get married or no 3some at all. He proceeded to tell how much I hurt his feelings about it and how I've been holding a shiny carrot in front of his face this whole time. That he thinks he should get what he wants first before I get what I want. I won't get into everything that was said between us since we sidetracked from it.
But I can't shake this feeling off my chest that I'm wrong and that he isn't a bad man. He just wants to have some fun since fatherhood is just as bad and tough sometimes. But another side of me can't stand that he is so uptight about sleeping with another women. And everytime I try to explain that to him he always says, "Well imagine how I feel when you told me you had one before? You think I like thinking about that?" (Ps this all had before I knew him too.)
I can't stand him when he is like that. But for my own reasons I feel like it shouldn't matter that much. But I'm still trying to be a better person and I want to make the right decision for my family. But most importantly for my son.
Thank you if anyone ever reads this I just wanted to tell something or someone still I don't have any friends or family I can talk to about it without them everyone else. I appreciate your time you took out of your day to read this
| 1 |
My sister is dating my mentally abusive ex
|
Well I'll start this off by saying me and my ex were together for 7-8 months 2 years ago and I know a lot of you will tell me to move on and that its not that big of a deal but to me, it is.
Heres some background information on me and my exes relationship. I'll try my best to make this brief.
2 years ago I got with my ex, we will call him Alex. I really really liked Alex and when I found out he liked me too I was so psyched. We "talked" for a month and then made the relationship official. He was so sweet and goofy at first. 2 months went by and he started getting angry at me for anything I did. He got mad at me for hanging out with anyone that wasn't him. 4 months in he started calling me names and insulting me. Even when he would "joke around" with me he would call me miss piggy and got mad when it made me upset. I never called him any names back and I let him hang out with his friends even though he wouldn't let me. I loved him and really wanted him to truly love me back and trust me even though I've never done anything to betray his trust.
Towards the end, he started going out a lot and becoming more distant. One night I got a text from my friend who was at the same party as Alex. I didn't know Alex was even at a party, he told me he was staying with his grandma because she was sick. My friend told me he had been flirting with one of her friends and she sent me a photo of them sitting together with his arm around her. I was heartbroken and called him and he told me it was my fault for not giving him the love he craved. I gave him everything. I was completely heartbroken and to this day im still healing from the damage Alex did to me.
I didn't have many friends because he wouldn't let me and all my friends felt I ditched them (fair on their part, that wasn't cool of me) so I went to my family for support. My sister (We will call her anna) I'll and I argue from time to time but Anna helped me when I was going through this heart break. I ranted to her, I cried to her, she hugged me and supported me.
Fast forward 2 years later, I'm over Alex mostly. I'm still working on healing myself and trusting others. Ive made some friends got a couple of my old friends back. I think about Alex sometimes but the thought of him disgusts me and I was happy to not have any ties with him. I have him blocked on everything because I can't stand seeing his face. I've moved in with some friends so I don't see Anna as often as I used to.
One day last week, I noticed on her Instagram post, she had a picture of Alex on the dash of her car. I asked her about it and she said they are just friends and that they've been hanging out a lot. I was a little upset but she just went through a breakup so I wasn't hard on her. Next thing I know, this week, they both have each other posted on their Instagrams of them cuddled up and Alex was commenting cutesy things on her posts like "You're the best human ever" "I'm so glad I get to spend all my time with you" and immediately I felt crushed.
Why would she do that to me? Why couldn't she have atleast asked me or told me the truth? Why would she let him in knowing what he did to me? Why would she comfort me when I was heartbroken over him just to turn around and date him? I was absolutely livid. I texted her and asked her when she was going to tell me they got together and she told me that she felt it wasn't really anyone's buisness and that I don't don't own him. I know I don't own him and don't want to but its the principle. Shes my sister for Christs sake. I blocked her and left it at that. I might unblock her someday but for now, I just feel betrayed and sad.
It also hurts knowing she will be going through the same mental abuse I was going through. But at the same time, she already knew that so she set herself up for that I guess.
What would you do if you were in my shoes?
| 1 |
I hate instagram so much
|
I don’t know if it’s just who I follow but it’s like everyone is intentionally trying to be the exact same person. It makes me sick. I can’t take it anymore
| 1 |
How do you even go back to friends?
|
I don't know how I'm meant to go back to being their friend after everything. The late night talks. The cuddling, the kissing. We did things that were more than that as well but yet we were never officially in a relationship. Now things have ended, but how am I meant to just forget all of that and be their friend? I do really, really want to be their friend, they're such a cool person, it's just tough.
Im stuck lol
| 1 |
Am I selfish?
|
My boyfriend has worked hard for the past 3 years and today he got a new maverick. I’ve been working hard for the past 15 years and I have nothing to show for it. I had cancer and was doing everything alone. Walking places, walking to work,to chemo. When he was jobless for years (didn’t get his first job until 3 years ago) I helped support him even when I worked while undergoing chemo. I have a vehicle that’s on its last limb. I just have done so much for him, spent thousands and thousands on him with no questions asked. Went without to help him in so many ways and I literally don’t have anything to show for working so hard. I’m trying to hard in life and chemotherapy set me back so much. Am I selfish for not being to happy for him? I just feel like I’ve done so much for him in the past 11 years even supporting him when I had cancer. I’ve been telling him I wanted a new car so I can get to work and doctors without worrying that I’ll break down and things and he turned around and got a new truck. He’s giving me his 2010 Sentra that’s nearjng it’s end life too which I’m so happy and thankful for but I mean part of me is happy but the other part is sad because I’ve done so much for him our entire relationship.
| 1 |
I don't deserve these good things
|
Every time I achieve something or get a promotion or a raise ifeel like I don't deserve this and become very anxious feeling something wrong will happen i really put effort in the things I do but i just can't help it, i guess i never truly healed.
| 1 |
I feel so stupid 😪
|
I opened up to this guy and thought everything was great. He was understanding about my situation and my life and was just great. I had convinced myself my best shot of happiness was alone but for a second he made me doubt that. My red flags started going off because he was "too good to be true". This morning I wake up to being blocked. I'm beyond heartbroken specially because we both had a conversation about being too old to just ghost each other. He did just that. Ugh I feel dumb to think I could find this type of happiness and kindness. I'm never one to think the world is our to get me but fuck...it sure feels like it right now. What a feeling of disappointment and heartache 💔 😞
| 3 |
i got SAed again
|
(Some bg: my culture is centered around family and living with your family until you move out on your own or when you get married
meaning that they don’t kick you out once you turn 18)
it started way back when i was 6 or 7 then he stopped for a while then started touching me again when i was 11 or 12, it was an adopted uncle that touched me for a while he stopped and I thought it’ll be for good this time.
Then the pandemic came, he started doing it again when i was 17, he’ll do it by slightly touching my breast, and he’ll make up conversation and after that he’d say something funny and start jokingly tackling me but he was actually groping my breasts.
then when we’re alone he’d offer me a massage or something but he’ll actually grope my butt or rub his d*** on me, at first I thought to myself that this isn’t real, it can’t be happening again.
Then he did it again today, I’m currently 19 years old, i was an idiot, I should’ve known but i was too naive and thought that this was all in my head.
He groped my breasts again, i said to him “not to touch me” he didn’t answer and went on a different topic, after that i feel sick, i feel so disgusted, i feel helpless.
I was too scared to say anything, afraid of what my family would do, how’d they react, would they blame me? is it my clothes? I know i should get help but i’m scared, i’m only 19.
I have no one to confide in, i’m terrified. This is disgusting, i feel dirty, and no matter how many times i wash my body, it still haunts me.
I want to graduate soon and go to another country and stay there. I feel like i’ll be draining every life i have left if i stay here any longer than i need to be.
I’m scared to do anything, i’m afraid i’ll ruin my family (if it helps you understand, i’m somewhere in asia where our culture revolves around our family), i really want to tell someone but I don’t have anyone I trust. I don’t have anyone i can talk to about this, i hope that by typing this out, it could lift off some excess pressure off my shoulders.
| 3 |
I ruined my fiancés proposal and the guilt is eating me alive
|
it was my (f21) birthday yesterday. I turned 21. we have a child so no partying but we got a couple of friends with us, our daughter and a friends daughter and we went out for bowling and drinks. I had a couple of drinks and we had a great time bowling. it was my best birthday in a long time i loved it and my fiance planned it all out. afterwards I wanted to do some of the arcade games. hd said no we can't afford it. which admittedly did make me a bit sad (I'm spoiled. yes, I know I'm sorry) so I got in a bit if a sad mood.
we walked down the staircase of the back of a bowling alley when I got a text from my dad so I answered it. when i looked up my fiancé said "daughters name. has a présent for you." which we basically say to mean she needs a nappy change. so I went "it's your turn" and he went "no its an actual présent" so I looked un her hand and it was a box. and I took the box and I opened it and jt was literally the most beautiful ring I have seen in my entire life. and I was shocked.
here comes the part where I was an asshole.
he said "I don't want to get down on one knee cause I have a cramp but will you marry me"
and I said "this is how you do it after 4 years togheter at a pissfilled corner outside a bowling alley and you won't even get down on one knee." I don't know why I said it, I'm such a horrible horrible person.
he got really sad and annoyedcand said "do you not want it?"
and I said "yes ofcourse I do wanna marry you but I had been picturing it for years and this isn't anything like what I pictured"
and then we got in the car but we had someone in the car with us so it was really awkward and then we got to burger king and we asked that person to give us a second alone and I explained to him that I feel so guilty and that I love him more than anything and the ring is beautiful but it caught me by surprise and I had imagined that moment for so long and thought he could've atleast waited til we were a place that wasn't literally a brick stairwell and pee on the floor. and down on one knee would've meant alot to me. he explained to me that I really upset him and that it shouldn't matter where or how he does it just that he does it.
I've never upset him before. I love him so much. I asked if we could please redo it. which he agreed to so we stepped out of the car and there was this beautiful rainbow appearing so he did it again in the parking lot and I was crying, and the ring was beautiful and ofcourse I said yes again and we kissed and hugged. and that was a genuine beautiful moment and then we listened to love songs on the way back and at home I got dunked in champagne and we had a glass each.
but I ruined it. I ruined the most important moment of our relationship because im a spoiled brat. I'm a truly horrible person and he deserves so so much better than me. I've been looking forward to marrying him since the day we met at 17. I feel so so guilty I can't live with myself I've been crying and apologising constantly. he says its fine he just wants me to be happy to be engaged which I am but the guilt is eating me up. I know I hurt him. I don't want to hurt him. I love him so much. I have to make it up to him but idk how.
edit: I just wanted to say thank you for all the responses. bad and good. and I wanted to make it clear neither of us are angry with the other. we've had a completely normal and nice day today and I'm very happy he wants to marry me and he's very happy I want to marry him. pur friends are happy for us too. I really made this post cause I was wondering what I could do to make it up to him. secondly: no we aren't going to split up, no he didn't run for the hills.
edit 2: people are starting to messaging me privately and threatening me please could you not do that I don't think I deserve that.
| 1,429 |
I don't know why I'm afraid
|
I'm 17 year old and yet I'm very afraid of death like I'm 90 years old. And the problem started lately. Please do you have any possible explanation for this ?
| 1 |
I end up crying even if someone else gets cheated on.
|
This has been bothering me for a while. While it’s not something that has happened to me but thinking about all those people who it had happened to them makes me tear up. I might be just too emotional but I can’t really help feeling that way.
I’m talking about people cheating on their partners. Lately I have been seeing so much content about people getting cheated on ,it breaks my heart tbh to think about them.
Somewhere it makes me go mad at all those people who cheat on their partners so casually without any guilt. Hurts to think that about them who have no idea that their perfect significant other isn’t all that perfect after all.
There’s times when someone gives u so much love and even asks you for marriage but at the same time is sleeping with someone else while you have no idea about it.
I have read about people getting cheated on by their partners with their best friends or family even. It makes me think husband/wife/bf/gf might be unfaithful but family??I think at that point people are left with questioning who to really trust.
I am happy something like that has never happened to me and so I feel like I shouldn’t have a say in this but these incidents have made me a bit sad for a few days now and so I thought maybe I should get it out. For someone who values love and commitment a lot I think I can empathise with those whose partners weren’t so kind.
| 4 |
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.