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I've been cheated on by someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with
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Hi all!
It's my first post here on Reddit, so please be gentle if that doesn't fit here.
So, I've met my boyfriend 7 years ago and from the start it was like we just knew we are into each other. So from the very first date we agreed on being in a relationship. I know it seems childish, it kinda was I guess as we were 17 me and 19 he. It was all great and after 3 years we moved in together as we finally were paid enough to afford a small apartment. During this time we've shared so many memories, places, things we like. But given the fact that we had ourselves on a daily basis, we decided to respect one another's space to spend time with our friends, hobbies etc (they were not mutual). Yet I'm rather an extravert and he's introverted, so we've been doing many things apart from each other at that point, but it was also agreed on and well respected. To clarify we still did spend the time together on our own, especially Sundays as it's always a free day for both of us.
Yesterday, I simply asked him if he loves me, it was you know a simple question I wanted to ask to fool around. But I didn't expect such an answer, especially that the day before we've spend such a good day. We took my grandma for a one day trip to another city, they have a strong relationship, my grandma loves him like it's her just another grandson, yet he really got into my family and is I guess loved by everyone, as he is a good person overall. But going back to the topic. So the answer to my question was "I don't know", I asked how could you not know it? He just said nothing, but "I don't feel like there's still anything between us" I just said that it may be the problem if you want it to be the problem, but he remained quiet. I know his expressions, I knew he was hiding something by then. So I just l went out of nowhere " Sooo have you cheated on me, or what? " He said yes.
I was shocked and I just sat still not knowing if this was a joke, until the long silence that confirmed my fears. I just stood up and went to the kitchen, sat down on the floor and started crying. Soon after he appeared just to say sorry, but I just told him off, and said that he has no right to speak to me, he went for a walk. I stayed there I was thinking of all the things we have in fact in common, the apartment and all the small things that I can attach so many memories to. I was alone for like a 5 hours, writing with my friends on what should I do. Unfortunately they were all out of town, so only one friend who's been working that day offered to show up after her shift ends. I wanted to believe that this is a joke of some kind, you know tiktok era. But when he got back I was still in the kitchen, but this time I was making myself anything to eat. And I heard a rustle of a plastic wrapping as he walked in. The part of me wanted to believe he bought flowers. But no. It was a pack of Lay's... He didn't even started the conversation, nothing. So I as prepared as I was to this conversation started asking questions. I know that he thinks that there is something between them, they know for a month already.
The worst part is not even the Lay's. A couple weeks (max 2) we were planning on a trip to the city he dreamed of visiting as we have our paid time off now. So he knew then. And as we were not able to afford any abroad trip due to the inflation, we decided to max out our budget on a nice hotel with private Jacuzzi. So I guess he's not that good of a person as he could come up with this much earlier before we planned and paid for all of this.
I told him, as I want to show respect to him still, that if he pays of me, he can go on a trip with his "new one". Same with the apartment. He said that I should go as he would not be able to have joy there. I have no words. Then the idea showed up that if that's the end I want to pay him off, and take a friend of mine with me, (we won't get a refund). The problem is that he said that I don't have to pay for his part, as a sign of respect to what was between us. Now I don't know what life will bring. I feel he might wants that money in two months or something. The apartment we live in, I said to him that I need 3 months max to find something else and he can stay/bring his new one here and live happy ever after. Which was fine for him. But then I asked if they will be able to afford it, and turned out that he will be rather living here alone, as the other one has his own apartment, and mine says that it's to early to move in with him... I'm speechless again. Now I think I will stay here as I earn more, and I don't really have a place to go to.
Please keep your fingers crossed for me.
Thank you all for reading through all of this, it helped me a lot to "say it out loud".
| 2 |
One of my best friends is a rapist and I don't know what to do.
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It's been five hours since the victim told me and I still feel sick to my stomach. I don't even know what I'm going to do. I can't even believe he would do something like this.
My close friend M is about to be a senior in high school (I'm a junior). Today my friend R who I've only known for a few weeks confessed to me that at the beginning of the year, after M broke up with his long term girlfriend, that they got closer and eventually he coerced R to have sex with him.
M is 18. R is 14. When this happened, M was a junior and R was in seventh grade.
I'm so confused and sick and freaked out. R made me promise not to tell anyone because they didn't want to ruin M's reputation. How the hell am I supposed to keep this to myself? What do I do? We're in the same sport so I'm going to have to see M on Saturday.
I feel so betrayed. I thought we could tell each other anything, but I'm so blindsided by this. Obviously M never planned on telling me.
R insists that M didn't know what he was doing was wrong. That he's already struggling enough with his mental health that he doesn't need more stress like this. I tried to tell R that they were gaslighting themself but they didn't want to hear it.
It's like my whole world has been turned upside down. Please, give me some advice. I don't know where to go from here.
| 3 |
My boyfriend wants a mom rather than a partner ?
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I (28F) recently met up with my LDR boyfriend (29M). My boyfriend and I have been together for over 2 years. Only recently however are we finally able to meet up. We planned for 2 amazing weeks together.
When we first met it was amazing. The first week was in my hometown to meet my family and friends, another for his best friends wedding.
When we first initially met, it felt like we were the only two people in the world. Nothing changed between virtually and physically. However I soon started to quickly catch up on some things. For instance, the first night he forgot his wallet, so I had to pay for dinner. Now, don’t get me wrong I’m not opposed to it. I really don’t mind… but then almost every night he forgot his wallet and phone. The one night he didn’t forget his wallet, his card declined and he said he’ll call his bank later. The thing about that is he never did, he kept saying he “forgot” so I’ve been paying for everything and he said he’ll pay me back. Which once again, I don’t mind. Money isn’t an issue here. It’s his absent mindedness and forgetfulness. Him forgetting his phone all the time makes it insanely hard to communicate when we get separated. Did I mention he also gets lost every easily and hasn’t even seen or noticed me waving and calling to him in crowds.
On top of his extreme forgetfulness and lack of awareness, he seems to leave trash everywhere until I pick it up. Myself I am very neat, organized, and clean person. I hate little messes that can easily be avoided, but that’s all he is… a little mess. Tissues, dirty clothes, little pieces and bits of food and trash from it, everywhere all over our room. I ask him to clean up a bit or be more mindful of his messes. He tells me okay and that we will do it , and then forgets or misses some of it. Even though I keep reminding him, he still forgets. It’s driving me crazy, and makes me feel like I have to clean up after him. When I talk to him about it he says he forgot.
He also doesn’t seem to listen or follow directions well, if at all. Often isn’t even paying attention to what I’m saying or what’s going on in regards to his best friend’s wedding. I more often than not have to pay attention for the both of us and tell him what’s going on, where to go, or what to do. He doesn’t ask questions in regards to it either, so I have too.
He also gets distracted easily and then forgets what he’s doing. He loses things all the time and then throws a fit when he can’t find it. I feel like since we arrived for his best friends wedding, I’ve been living with a child who can’t function well without his mom.
Final thing that irks me, is that he just over all doesn’t take care of himself. I mean, he doesn’t even remember to take his medication on time without me reminding him. He doesn’t get adequate sleep and then get tired and grumpy (especially with me) as the day drags on. He hardly eats on his own and has only eaten actual meals when I am hungry. Otherwise he only snacks and doesn’t eat. What he snacks on is chips and candy like a little kid.
The worse part of all of this is that when I have talked to him about these little things, he gets so defensive. He says I am talking down to him, nagging him, being unfair, being condescending, and expecting too much. He says I don’t have to “baby” him and then proceeded to act like a child and not take any responsibility. Then he says it’s incredibly frustrating and annoying for him for me to baby him because he’s a grown man. If I don’t baby him, he’d forget or loose something, get lost, misses plans or important events. Like he would have missed a rehearsal if it wasn’t for me. It’s been incredibly frustrating because I feel like his mother more than his partner.
I really love him, I have never felt this way about anyone and I’ve never been happier with anyone else, at least before we met up. But as I get older I have to think about my future. This man constantly tells me he wants to marry me on day and have a family. I honestly don’t even think he can handle a family, he hardly can handle taking care of himself. Us meeting has really made me rethink our future together and honestly I am pretty unsure on what I should even do.
| 2 |
Typical "afraid of heartbreak" post, but I just want it off my chest.
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After moving on from my past relationship completely and being in a happy state for a few months, I decided for the fucks of it to try dating apps for the first time. It was my intention to see if I was attractive enough to get hookups, but I quickly came back to my senses and realised that this isn't the person I am.
After using a few and talking to a few women here and there, I came across this cute girl on Hinge who didn't have a lot of info on her profile, but made me laugh so I tried to match with her.
We matched and started talking, and the more we talked the more I realised that this girl just fits me so well. We went on one official date, and hung out at her place and our chemistry is amazing, and this makes me so happy but it also makes me overthink immensely. She's very open so I can talk about stuff to her if I wanted to, but this feels like such a silly insecurity that I don't want to subject myself to that.
I know heartbreak is natural, and that not all things work out, but she just seems way too amazing already to lose, so I'm extra terrified hahaha.
Thank you for reading if you got this far.
| 2 |
MY MOM IS A COVERT NARCISSIST
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OHHHH MY GOD!!! EVERYTHING MAKES SO SO SO SO MUCH SENSE NOW!! HOLY FUCK!!! HOLY SHIT IM ABSOLUTELY ASTONISHED. I’ve become the scapegoat child and that’s why I’m the only one that sees it. Holy shit. Am I the scape goat because I was my dads “favorite” in her eyes???? Holy shit. Everything has melted away, the curtains been lifted. I understand. The only way now is out. 3 months til I can leave. Thank god. Thank all that is good. Her mistake was stuffing me in endless psych wards for her own puny validation. I know what she’s been doing. I know how she works. I have the tools to heal.
When I realized part of my behavioral issues stem from my moms treatment she started refusing to continue my therapy. Holy fuck. She hides behind my dads (now old) addiction issues to paint herself as a victim, to convince everyone around her she is incapable of harming others. She’s a covert narcissist and I feel almost as if a weight has been lifted learning this. I’ve already begun mourning the life that’s been made traumatic by adults that have failed me. I get to leave. I get to be happy.
Just had to blurt this big burst of realization and mixed bag of emotions. Idk thanks for reading?
| 2 |
Dear roommate part 2:
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You get on my nerves dawg. Why do you drink protein shakes if you barely go to the gym? Why do you make me buy milk when we run out when you spend all your money eating out. Please please please do the dishes, especially if they are my dishes. You aren't pulling your weight at all. Please stop burping all the time it's really annoying. Lastly, again, if I'm trying to sleep don't make noises.
I try to respect you. At least pretend to care.
| 3 |
I get off on cooking for my wife
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If there is one thing that I know about myself, it's that I enjoy being useful to those I love, and I \[42M\] love my wife \[37F\] very, very dearly, and I know she loves me dearly too (as an aside, I feel that us both being demisexual heightens some of the feelings we have too, I know in my case it makes me feel particularly special).
One thing my wife has always enjoyed is my food. Ever since our eighth date (18 years ago), I've loved to spoil her with treats, snacks, and meals for her. It feels a bit stupid to admit it, but sometimes I feel jealous when she wants store-bought versions of things I can make at home. Even when I worked full time, I was always eager to be the one responsible for most of the cooking (though I do love my wife's cooking as well).
I no longer work, but in a way I feel that being a househusband better allows me to do things that she appreciates, and thereby makes me feel better as well. She hates housework with a passion, loves my cooking, and always is so delighted when I have written something for her (I'm a writer, and I focus my effort on this while she's at work once the household tasks are done for the day). That said, there is something about cooking for her or even just preparing her food that excites me very much.
I think this started very early - on our eighth date I invited her to my apartment to treat her to dinner. Around this time, we had been friends for about a year and dating for about a month and a half. My feelings for her were very, very strong, and I had just started feeling sexually attracted to her (I'd been romantically attracted to her for many more months). I made her a surf and turf sort of meal (steak, scallops, a chopped tomato and onion salsa, peppers and onions, rice, and a chocolate lava cake with vanilla ice cream for dessert) and seeing her eat it alone was tantalizing, but the way she gave a soft sigh and closed her eyes when she took a bite of everything just made me feel this powerful mix of intense elation and arousal. She was so appreciative and quick to praise it all too, it made my heart soar and my dick throb.
Every time I make her something to eat, I feel a little twinge of excitement, though when I make something she really loves and I'm there to see her consume it my excitement is more than emotional. There's just something about taking care of her like that and making her feel so happy and satisfied while doing it that feels *so good*. The longer we're together, the more I love to spoil her like this and the less enthused I am to do this sort of thing for other people. For example, a few months ago my wife's work was having a potluck, and my wife asked if I would be willing to make something. While I did end up making something nice for everyone, I first fantasized about making her colleagues something decent, but nothing special, and making my wife something delicious that I know she loves - be it her favorite brownies, a delicious curry, the spiced chicken and tomato sandwiches that make her perk up whenever I tell her that's what I've packed her for lunch, so on and so forth.
I've never told her exactly how much I delight in doing this for her (nor have I told her that there is both a strong emotional and sexual element to it), there's a beauty and level of honesty to the way she appreciates it all without knowing what it does to me that I want to preserve. I want to spoil her without her feeling any obligation to return the favor in any way.
​
PS - To be clear, I don't think this is insidious in any way - after all, I do not get off on her gaining or losing weight, nor has she done much of either throughout our relationship - but I do think it is likely a very odd thing to find so intensely attractive.
| 12 |
Am I at fault for my brothers death?
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I need to get this off of my chest because I'm not ready to talk to anyone about this in real life. I (F20) had a twin brother. We didn't always get along, we fought a lot of times, but like any siblings, we helped each other as well. One day when I and my brother were 17 years old, we were having breakfast with our parents and we were all arguing over me being a "brat". I didn't like them calling me that, but now I realize I might be one. My brother was supposed to later help our father with something, I don't remember quite well what it was. But I remember being persistent in begging my brother to go riding a horse with me. We had a horse and he usually controlled it while I sat behind him and enjoyed the ride, but this time I decided to control it for once, and I wish I never did. I managed to convince him to go and our mother warned us to take a different route this time because it rained early this morning and the road was slippery. I ignored her and I regret ever doing that. We went, and everything was fine, like our usual rides. Until he began to argue with me over being immature and I kept bickering with him and I took a turn and went a different route, the one we weren't supposed to be on, not thinking about what our mother told us earlier. The horse slipped while both I and my brother weren't paying attention, and we fell off of the road (it was located on a hill while making your way downtown). I survived with minor injuries, but my brother's injuries were horrifying. His neck was broken and he couldn't move. Our horse was panicking and it got on its back feet and crushed my brother's ribs. I think he maybe would've even survived if the horse never did anything. My brother died shortly afterward, the injury was too fatal since he also has internal bleeding. My parents yelled at me and refused to talk to me when the situation happened. Even my brother's girlfriend refused to talk to me for a long time. Everyone blames me for the incident and I'm starting to believe I might be at fault. But I don’t know anymore… I don’t know if I should blame myself for it or not.
| 1 |
I don't have the energy to care if the world is ending.
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Climate change, nuclear war, pandemics, whatever is happening this week I just don't care anymore. I am so tired. I don't care what celebrities were problematic this week. I don't care which corporation is being awful. I don't even care that we're probably all going to die horribly.
The world is filled with awful shit done by awful people and I have no power to fix any of it. I just want to have a nap and get high.
| 6 |
The only joy I feel is when my husband goes to work
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So the only joy I feel is when my husband goes to work. Joy is a strong word. I called into my job today because the only peace I have is when he is gone and I need it so bad. I have posted before on reddit & the only thing I heard was just leave him & lawyer up, Leaving him is not an option as I am disabled and dependent on him. He is seeing another women and I just can't get past it. Please if anyone has experience surviving a crappy marriage I'd like to know how you did it. And to those of you who are going to say just leave I can't so keep your thoughts to your self.
| 1 |
My fiancé is addicted to ketamine
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(Throwaway account for obvious reasons) My Fiancé \[39M\] and I \[29M\] and I have been together for 5 years and within the last 6 months he has developed a Ketamine addiction. I'm at the point where I don't know if I can be with him or learn to ever trust him again. Before all of this started, we had an amazing healthy relationship filled with so much trust, communication and excitement for the future.
​
The recreational ketamine use started about a year ago as a once in a while thing partying. Recreational drug use is very common in the gay community and it wasn't an issue at first. Fast forward 6 months and all of a sudden every weekend or time hanging out with friends included ketamine. I confronted him about the use and he brushed it off saying it's not a problem "its just something fun with friends". Fast forward another month and I'm getting ready to go out of town with friends (without my fiancé) and he calls me in tears saying "The ketamine is too much, I'm addicted" and that he had been using every day for over a month. I drive home and end up taking him to the ER for severe stomach pain that I later learned was caused by the ketamine called "K-cramps". Through weeks of discussion and rebuilding trust I thought we were in a good place finally.
A month goes by and we spent a nice afternoon at a friend's pool hanging with friends. We get home and he tried to stick his thumb in my ass when we were in the shower (which is fun but very unlike him lol) and is just acting weird. I get out of the shower and find a small bag of K in his short pockets. I confront him about it and tell him "Its either me or the K" and take off my engagement ring and place it on top of the bag of drugs. He breaks down crying telling me how depressed he is and how the K is the only thing giving him relief and he's just using it a temporary solution until he can get on the right med from his psychiatrist. Okay... at this point I have major alarm bells going off and I tell some close friends and my sister about the situation. They suggest individual and couples therapy to help with navigating underlying mental illness and rebuilding trust in the relationship. We complete a couple sessions of couple therapy and each get setup with great individual therapists. He tells me he is sober and we try to keep our relationship and his drug use a frequent topic of conversation to make sure he is healthy and staying on track.
​
I however couldn't shake this feeling that he was lying to me and I still didn't trust him. A few more weeks go by and he gradually complains more and more about body aches and pains until one day I get home and he is crying because he is "so relieved he finally found a diagnosis for his body aches" and tells me he has fibromyalgia (self diagnosed). He makes me watch a documentary about it and is completely convinced he has this chronic disease. Then only an hour later he tells me he needs ketamine to treat the pain and it is the only thing that is going to make him feel better. I flip-out at this point because of how ridiculous he is being. He self diagnoses himself with a mysterious chronic disease and then not only an hour later is using that as justification for ketamine use...wtf. The next day I find a massive bag of ketamine, at least $500, while he is out of the house. I start to have a panic attack and pack a bag to stay with my sister for a few days. I talk to him and he regrets that I found the bag but is adamant that he doesn't have a drug problem and this is a short term solution to treat his pain...he needs the ketamine for his fibromyalgia and is suddenly so invested in solving his 'chronic illness' with ketamine. Days go on (and many therapy appointments later) and we are still arguing and not on the same page about his drug problem. At this point my whole family and close friends know what is going on with him because his behavior is so bizarre. Then randomly, he calls me at work expressing sorrow and regret because he realizes again he has a drug problem and addiction to ketamine. I'm researching ketamine support groups and thinking about getting his setup for rehab.
​
Now I am left with this dark question that is consuming me with anxiety. Do I stay with him knowing that and he has a ketamine addiction and will be battling the consequences for some time? Or do I walk away from the love of my life and start a fresh chapter. This may seem like an easy and obvious answer but it is so difficult when its the person you love and have built a life around.
​
TLDR: Fiancé has developed cyclic ketamine abuse patterns over the last 4 months until the problem got so bad I feel like I am at a breaking point.
| 12 |
I feel like my chest is caving into me. Had a$100 gift card to costco that was going to buy my sister and me food for the week and now its gonr
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I feel like a fucking failure man. I wasnt even financially struggling until my other sister decided to move out and now I’ve to pay $1700 in rent myself. The local nonprofit helped out and gave me a gift card cus my little sisters a protected person in the country (refugee) and now i lost it. I am hoping to god its still in the house somewhere and it just fell into a crack. I can eat the bare minimum and survive but i dont want her to do that cus shes a minor. I hope none of my friends who was in the house at some point took it. Thatd be a shitty thing to do. I wish it wasnt my fault.
| 1 |
I (19F) am so s*x**lly frustrated
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Sorry. Just had to release this somewhere. (No pun intended)
Sooo, I am 19 F, and am pretty frustrated in *that* aspect.
I have a girlfriend (21 F) and we're in a LDR but this isn't an issue between the two of us, really. Whenever she's over, we have a very very satisfying time together.
The problem is when I'm by myself. I seem to can't get off. Whenever I do get off by myself, it's not as fulfilling. I guess I'm just really stressed and too tired.
| 1 |
I went to a wedding and realized my friends don't care about me
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I (f33) attended a wedding last month. It was a very loving atmosphere and everyone got along so well. The bride is my friend and ex coworker. For background, the company I worked for closed operations in my hometown and I was transferred. I met new people, but some are also friends from my old job. They are an amazing group of people, I just didn't know the cared so much about me.
The wedding ended early that night, but before embarking on her honeymoon, the bride took the time to toast me on my recent career development/success. She did this while our group was having a small after party moment, and while it's not like it was a very public toast or during the main reception hours, I was touched that she parted with her slice of big day's attention to cheer for me. She's an inspiration ( self made entrepreneur, successful AF and very down to Earth) and I was caught off guard. Her words meant a lot to me because I'm perfectly aware that she had no obligation to deflect attention to anyone else on her big day.
That act of kindness has me feeling very unhappy about many of my relationships. I realized that I've helped/cared for people who haven't even reached out after I voluntarily shared anything about myself, despite me always offering an ear to vent. I'm not big on sharing good news about myself but I built the courage to send a friend a link on a career development that signals that I reached a goal and she didn't even comment. Another friend suggested/implied that I'd paid to get public recognition and I was so hurt that I'm embarrassed for sharing it.
I've been working towards relocating since I realized the only things keeping me here after my contract expiration is a one eyed cat that I feed and want to take with me and my lady neighbor whom I'm helping move with her daughter and who's been a real friend.
It sucks because I feel very stupid. I've been questioning my worth as a friend for things people have been doing and feeling like I'm drowning from listening to their problems. I'm trying to have more time to myself and do things for myself since I can't count on them. I'm noticing that now that I'm not taking their calls, they've become really persistent and aggressive in trying to get me to listen to them.
I'm tempted to cut them off once I move away. They don't even know that I'm leaving because they never let me finish my sentences and all conversation is all about them. And when I get to talk, it's like they aren't listening because they move the conversation back to themselves. Has anyone experienced this? Is this salvageable?
| 5 |
i miss online relationships
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It makes me feel kind of embarrassed to talk about, since there's so much stigma to them and truly they don't work out very often, but i miss being in one and i miss the person i was in one with. it's so crazy how even though i've never met the person, so much love and so much of my life can be put into them. I don't know what their personal scent is, how gentle their touch is, how it feels to hug them or anything but i still wish i could've spent my life with them.
| 8 |
I’m actively ghosting a close friend
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I never had a issue with her until she and I started to work together at the same facility. That was the moment that I could no longer be her friend. To clarify, she didn’t do anything inherently wrong, I just started to notice a lot of the things she always did when it was just us or us and my bf hanging out. The moment I realized I was unable to maintain this friendship, was when she approached me at work (a retirement facility) and said she loved me loudly in front of our residents. Not like a “I love you so much date me” just a “love you!” But old people are rude, they already treat me poorly as I’m a housekeeper there, I didn’t need them to have added ammunition. Next, she would approach me with her tongue stuck out, like she thought it was funny or something. It’s just weird!
After this, I started to look back on your friendship, to see if I was being irrational or if I just hadn’t noticed these things as intensely as I was now. She would interrupt me when I was talking, whether venting or otherwise, and start talking about random bs. I was venting once about my parents and she interrupted me to talk about a plant. Like… what? She would also vent all the time to me, ask for advice, then do the opposite. I felt like I was in a one sided friendship for a while. She was so emotionally and mentally draining. The last straw before we began to work together was her birthday. She picked out a couple nature books she had been wanting and I bought them for her. Upon receiving and opening them, she flipped through them for about 5 minutes and said “eh not as cool as I hoped, but thanks!” Why would you say that to someone????
She also is much better off financially than my bf and I who are actively paying off debt, and she will always complain about her savings her groceries her bills her money, despite her knowing she’s got more money than the two of us combined atm.
I’m looking for a new job and once I swap jobs, I’m ghosting her on all platforms, and texting her a summary of this. Even if we talked about it in person, I don’t think I would be able to be friends with her again if I wanted to.
| 1 |
My friends dad fed me meat at a sleep over, knowing it would make me sick.
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For context, i've been a vegetarian since i was 5. I was and am an animal lover but beyond that, eating meat has always made me really sick. Like stomach aches, cramps and throwing up. It won't kill me or anything but it's unpleasant for a day or two.
I was recently reminiscing about a sleepover I had when I was like 7/8. When I got there, his dad told me we where having a roast for dinner. I reminded him that I was vegetarian. And he said 'yeah, I know, your mum texted me.' but then he goes on about 'she doesn't need to know if you have some meat.' and how 'I don't have to be vegetarian just because my parents are.' I explained that my parents ate meat. I just don't. It makes me feel sick. He kept interrupting our play time to press it and ask me if I really didn't want any meat.
When we sat down for dinner, I had a roast (minus the meat bits, so mash, yorkies, veg, that kind of thing. Which is no problem) I asked him if the gravy was vegetarian and that I wanted to check the tub. He reassured me that he already had. Obviously, I was a kid so I just trusted that and ate. About and hour or two after dinner I started feeling really awful and my stomach hurt so we went to bed early. In the middle of the night I started throwing up. His dad had to call my mum and drop me off because I was so sick.
I remember telling my mum that i thought there might have been meat in the gravy by accident. So my mum asked his dad if i'd eaten any meat. He said no but my mum pressed and told him that she had to knew so she knew what she was in for. He then admitted that the gravy wasn't vegetarian, the mash had bacon bits and the Yorkshires were made with lard. She went off on him because she'd texted him twice in the week leading up to the sleepover to remind him and explicitly tell him that meat makes me sick. She had even offered to send me with a packed lunch. She slammed the door in his face and that kid refused to speak to me after that.
Thinking back. It was wither pure stupid or intentional. But the trying to convince me that my parents didn't need to know and then pushing it kind of skeeves me out. I would have hated to see how he handled someone with an actual intolerance or allergy.
| 1 |
I’m so tired of life and being alone
|
I’ve always been alone and I’ll always be alone. Life is just a chore. I’m so tired. All my friends and married and I’m the fat loser. I failed in life. I have no one to talk to. I failed. I fucked up, and the past year I just made everything worse. I can’t change. I’m just a lazy gross asshole. I hate myself. I did this to myself. Now I’m old and have no chance at finding love. I squandered it. I live a life of regrets. I’m a coward. Too timid. Too stupid. Why am I me. I dream of never waking up from a nice deep sleep. Life is meaningless. How am I to endure the rest of my life feeling this way. I hate myself.
| 1 |
Escorts make you feel empty
|
So I began seeing escorts like 5 years ago or so, I was lonely and didn't really feel like chasing girls so it was the easy fix. I have a good job, top earner whatever, so I always looked for top girls. More often than not, they are not worth it. I can't tell you how many times a girl came by and I just didn't have it in me to tell her that I wasn't interested, I tried but never came through, eventually I just told them that something came up, you can go now, I don't really care, even after spending what many people earn in a month. They did look at me odd when that happened. Out of all the girls, maybe 20~ I'd say that only 4 were legit attractive to me. More often than not it's a mix of physical attraction and chemistry between each other. So much so that all those 4 girls eventually trusted me enough to tell me their real names. Eventually they got out of the business and I got mix feelings when that happened, I'm happy that they are moving forward in life but of course I miss seeing them. It sucks when they just have to leave and the fantasy ends, they are people who just get with you for something in exchange. Anyways, that's about all I wanted to share. Thanks if you made it this far
| 6 |
My big vent. I jinxed my life
|
12+ years ago I used to say I’m lucky I have a good life. I’m happy and my family is happy, me and my brother popular at school, lots of friends, good grades, good jobs, all that package. I never had an accident we hear all those horror stories and tragedies people go through and I felt I was safe from all of that. I took life for granted.
Then in 2010 my brother had a very rare sarcoma cancer and I watched him suffer until it killed him in less than two years.
I struggled with depression and anxiety, and two years later in 2013 I had motorcycle accident and broke my knee with several other casualties. 6 months in bed, 3 month rehab.
Few days following my accident my father had a stroke that affected his speech, he still can’t communicate well to this day. I blame myself.
The following year my mom shows some symptoms, doctors back and forth, MRI, she has a brain tumor. Big surgery. She recovers and all is well.
I abuse drugs, AHDH, party hard, travel around, lose my mind and sober up. I’m still doing relatively well in life.
Shitty love stories, toxic relationships and a lot of wasted time.
I manage to keep a decent job doing what I love, drive an expensive car, living the yolo and keeping a positive outlook, people from the outside envy me but they don’t see how I’m carrying the weight of the world.
Fast forward my mom gets the tumor recurrence, another big surgery, this time a very hard recovery and neurological deficits. I’m mama’s boy. It breaks my heart.
Now both my elderly parents depend on me, I had to move back home and leave my expensive rented apartment and high paying job and the life I was building, behind in another city.
It breaks my heart to see my parents struggle, like it broke our hearts to see my brother suffer. I love them endlessly and it hurts to know that they don’t last forever. Nothing does.
| 5 |
I want to forget my past but I cant..
|
I got molested from age 5 to 8, by my step father who we will call (G) he was a real pos and always treated my mom badly but he made most of the money in the house so my mom was like "we need him" and every night I'd pray my mom would put me to sleep and not him, but yet every night I was terrified cause it was him who put me to bed. He works pull me in bed and touch me. Make me touch him.
And i remember crying telling him to leave me alone. But he never left me alone. Every night he would come into my room , make me cry I'd say "please, please don't do this to me" but every night he continued to hurt me. He would tell me if I didn't obey he would kill my family. My mom and my brother at the time.
I was 5 and terrified, worried that if I fought back I'd lose my family. One day I told my grandma (his mom) that I was being hurt by g, she said "oh my God honey I'm gonna figure out what's going on. " than one day she pulls me into her room and he's there with her, she tells him "(e) told me you've been touching her is that true ?" He looked at me like he was pissed and was gonna kill me when I went home with him tonight. So I told her "I'm sorry I was lying, I didn't mean to I really apologize."
She believed me and sent me home with (g) amd my mom, that night we were at home watching "superama" and my mom amd (g) were ont the floor amd I was on the couch, he would face away from my mom or be sitting up, and he would touch me. Right next to my mom, it's like she knew but decided to not say anything, because he still payed rent and payed for ect.
One night I asked my mom I said "please, don't let (g) put me to bed, please just tuck me in your self.." She said "no" cause he pays the rent. He keeps us "afloat" it's like she knew but she chose to not acknowledge it. I begged her for what felt like months to please put me to bed for the night, she never did. She always turned her back just pretending everything was okay, even when it wasn't.
One day I was 8 hanging either my aunts (g's sisters) at the park, and she tapped my shoulder one day to get my attention and I panicked, (t) noticed and asked if I was okay, I told her yes. She looked at me and said to me " we aren't leaving this park till u tell me what's wrong, are you okay (e)?" I told her "yeah I'm fine, there's nothing wrong. I'm sorry for making you worry." She looked at me and could tell I was lying she said "(e) please tell me whats going on.
I'm here for you no matter what, no matter who. I'll save you from anything I can, please just tell me whats wrong. Her twin (t) said "she's just making stuff up, let's just leave. I have someone to meet before mom gets home. " my aunt (t) was like "no she's not lying, she's been many things hut she wouldn't lie about this. There's something going on and I will find out what. You can go whenever if you want " my aunt (t) left to go meet her friend and my other aunt (t) stayed and kept asking me if i was okay.
She kept saying she was worried about me. We went home that day and I got hurt again and this time I tried to hide in my closet from him, but he dragged me out by my ankles, and said "you can't escape this " I was terrified so worried that I wouldn't ever see my family again cause the first time I told on him.
One day I was at my grandmas house ( his mom) and his sister (t) asked me if I wanted to talk cause she found me hiding in the closet cause I didn't want to be picked up, by mom mom and (g). I told her I was fine. And that I just wanted go stay the night with her and (t) and feel included for once. She told me "okay if you want to stay for tonight you can, but you have to tell me whats been going on lately okay? " I nodded my head not really committing to what i was agreeing to.
Later that night my mom and (g) came to pick me up and my ain't (t) said "I asked her If she would stay the night tonight. Thats okay right? " they said "yes of course thats fine, less they been to worry about in the morning. It was about 12 am and my aunt (t) asked me "please tell me whats going on, are you being hurt at school?" I nodded my head yes and said "I'm being hurt but not at school, I'm being hurt at home. But please don't tell anyone. I don't want to get hurt worse." She looked at me in shock, and her face turned to sadness she said "it's my brother isn't it? Is he hurting you (e)? " I looked at her and started crying cause I never thought anyone would believe me, my grandma didn't so who else would if not her.
"Pleaee don't tell anyone i don't want to get into trouble, and he said he would kill my mom and (m) and I dont want them to die, please help me" She looked at me with sadness, and said "omg (e) how long has this been going on for?" I looked at her and didn't want to admit it cause it was embarrassing how long I let it happen for like i had a choice..
I told her it started when I was 5, and at that time I told her I was 8. She looked at me shocked and puked, I got scared worried she was puking at me and was grossed out that i "let " it happen to me. She cried and said omg (e) how have you lasted this long without telling anyone? By my silence, she knew I hadn't stayed silent the whole time.
She asked me who I told and when I whispered "mom and grandma" she looked at me and puked again, she said "you told them and no one saved you? Are you okay (e) I love you and ill always be there for you family or not thats not okay. " I told her my mom's reasoning which was "we need money" and she was disgusted she couldn't believe my mom would take money over my words of being hurt. And I told her I had told grandma about me being hurt and she put the 2 of us into a room together so I recanted and said I was lying and that I was sorry.
When I got home I got hurt bad, he made me do things I'd never done before. I cried and puked and hid the next day in my closet even tho I knew he would know where to find me. Her face was a very light white color and she looked at me and said "I'm do sorry you had to go through thus for so long (e) I'll do everything I can to save you. I wanted to believe her but I had already told 2 people and they didn't believe me so why would she be able to change anything? I told her "please (t) just forget about it it's okay ill be fine I don't want to get into trouble" She said "okay I won't say Any thing to them I promise."
I was only 8 so I didn't know what she was agreeing to. I was at home one day watching my little brother while my mom and (g) were out doing something when my aunt (t) came over and said "when the police get here you need to tell them everything and not worry about whats gonna happen to u or your family cause they will be safe.
I didn't know what she was saying until my mom and (g) got home and he said "I'm gonna put (e) to bed. I started crying in my room like "there's no saving me I'm stuck here forever ". When all of a sudden he came in and was laying on top of me asking if I was a "good girl " today.
I cried and said "please don't hurt me I'm sorry.." he sat up and scowled at me "why are you sorry what did you say you little b*?" I started crying and repeatedly saying "I'm sorry " when all of a sudden I hear someone but through the door yelling "wcpd put your hands where I can see you!" My mom started screaming saying "please don't hurt me or my baby, why are you here I didn't call you " the lead officer looked at her and said "you're right you didn't call to save your child who ended up calling us and saying what was going on.
My mom was stun locked not believing that I had told anyone what happened besides her. She said "you have the wrong house please you're scaring my baby" and on queue (m) syarted sreaming and crying while the officers went through the house saying "CLEAR!" in every room until they got to mine.
(G) let me go and he sat on my bed saying "(e) come on sweety it's time for bed" I cried puking in my closet when the police busted through my room door and asked where I was, (g) said "whoa what's this all about I'm just trying to put my daughter to bed. " the officers heard my whimpering from the closet and opened the door and said "hey sweety it's okay we are wcpd we are here to save you, are you okay? Come talk to *officer* while we figure out whays going on here. "
I crawled out having peed my self cause I was so scared, the female officer took Me to my mom's bathroom and I got changed into clean pj's. I came out the bathroom and she said "don't worry sweety no one here is gonna hurt you. Youre safe now" I looked at her and said "no I'm not.. he's gonna kill my family if I tell. " She looked at me concerned and said "no sweety we are here to help"
I had already asked for help 2 times so I didn't believe they were here to help me. I was so scared. One of the officers walked out of my room with ( g) in handcuffs and was reading him his rights, taking him to the police car, he looked at me with evil in his eyes and I started crying and apologizing "I'm sorry please forgive me, don't kill my family I'm so sorry.."
he said to me "ill be out one day and ill come for you. And with that he looked away as he walked out the door in cuffs. The officer said "are you threatening an 8 year old? What is wrong with you. "
when he was at the car and being put in I demanded to see my mom and brother, my mom looked at me and said "how dare you take away our main money source all for your lies." Even tho i knew she knew I was being hurt daily.
She didn't want to believe that she let me get hurt I suppose.
I don't really know why she never did anything but after it all happened she was so "worried" about me. One day i had asked her I said "mom he was hurting me, why didn't you stop him or say anything? I looked at her with sadness in my face and sleeplessness in my eyes.
She said to me "(e) you just had to go and ruin something good. What is wroing with you? Now he have to move cause you got (g) put in jail. Can't you ever just let things go nothing ever happened to you. If something had I would've known "
I looked at her in shock, hoping I didn't hear her say what she just said. But she did and my heart sunk. My mom would rather me get touched to pay the rent than me to be safe...
| 3 |
I feel lost, let down and lonely
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I (21m) have been battling with depression since my teens. I was lucky that I had really good friends supporting me who I've been friends with ever since we were kids. Since I moved away from home to study in a bigger city, away from my old friends, I've struggled to find friends here and the depression has gotten severe, and it gets much worse when I'm lonely for a longer period of time. I find people that I would consider friends in Uni or people I've met through relationships who I really hit it off with. However, it seems that everybody always just forgets about me immediately when they don't see me for like two days. I've deleted my social media apps because it just hurt me so much to see everybody move on and have enjoy life without me. I don't know if I feel worse with or without social media because at least on there, like two or three people sent me memes and stuff. It seems nobody even noticed my absence or cared enough to ask if I'm okay, though. It's been like 3 weeks since I've last responded to anyone on there and yet they don't care. Maybe they just assume I don't care. I don't know. It's just tiring to always be the person that has to beg people to do stuff with me because nobody just asks me on their own initiative. I just wonder why it's so hard to make people actually care about me the way I care about them. Is it something about me? I don't know anymore, like the title says I just feel very lonely and let down by the people that I thought care about me. I wonder if anyone cared if I was gone forever. Would they just forget I existed? Sorry for rambling. I feel a little better after typing this out.
| 1 |
i regret living in europe
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[For context i am belgian-lebanese and moved to belgium last year, needless to say having an arabic name has been a living hell here]. For the past year, i have suffered so much unprovoked racism and been dying to leave this country! I even experienced two professors failing me even though i am 1000000% sure i would have passed their exams easily, even one of them rejected me for her internship because she felt the need to ask -a french educated student, living in the wallonie area, in a french university- if i can write in french. Which i made to her very clear that all my studies are in french :), and it’s my second language :).
The cherry on top was today me and my sister were in a laundromat talking about a Ceramics class that i will take next week, and some white guy decided to verbally assault us, insulting us and our religion, because of course the stereotype that every arab is a muslim… we just ignored him but it just boils my blood that he thinks the words “Ceramics” and “Apron” are apparently insults to him? like we even said them in english not even arabic…
But yes i am so done with living in this shitty country.
| 1 |
Violent thoughts
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I really need to get this off my chest and I don't wanna tell anyone I know in real life. I have been having very violent thoughts ever since I was a young child. I often think about murder and hurting other people. I can control myself well enough for now, but sometimes the urges are really strong and I feel the need to act on them. I don't feel guilt for it though, I just wanna know if anyone else has it the same way.
If you do decide to comment please be nice. This isn't my fault.
| 1 |
I lost my virginity.
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That’s all I really have to say. I mean it fucking sucked, but we laughed it off and agreed to try again. I never would’ve believed you if you told me I lost my virginity to a guy I met a month ago and am not even dating.
| 5 |
my dad broke up with his mistress and id pay to see the conversation
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ok so basically a couple years ago (around 5-6) my dad started an affair with this lady, separated (not divorced) from my mom, and moved into her house and has been in a relationship with his AP since.
a little context on my dads AP only because it’s relevant to the story, she was a family friend all throughout my middle school and early high school years (i’m 19 now) and was always suspiciously close to my dad. after he moved out she expressed a heavy dislike for my mom and i but my dad never really paid it any mind and just moved on.
so back to my story my dad recently got offered a really good job which he’s taking, the only thing is that it’s a couple states up north and he clearly stated she is not coming with. apparently a huge argument broke out between them and he finally came to his senses about her, he told her his kids didn’t like her and some other stuff that i wish i had heard but she got dumped and i’m quite literally rolling around joyously!
i would rent out a movie theatre, pay for endless popcorn and candy and spend a tremendous amount of money just to see the argument play out. i needed to get this off my chest bc i felt like secretly happy about it all day and needed to post it somewhere lol.
| 1 |
i wish i had better experiences w men :/
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i just want a guy to not treat me like im so fucking weird or that like im an idiot, and just to be kind, patient, and genuine w me, and others
or just be a normal, mentally stable person and not tell me his abt random violent fantasies or trauma dump on me like immediately after meeting me
like god damnit, why is my luck literally the fuckin worst w men 😭 lmao
i rrly try to give them the benefit of the doubt and ignore my anxiety, and wait till if they earn my trust or if i feel actually comfortable around them. but no, they always do or say some fuckery shit and i go right back to square one.
cant even make a guy friends bc they always turn out to be weirdos/assholes/creeps themselves
Like idk what the hell are they putting in the water around me, that every interaction i have with a guy is a nightmare
as truly lonely and touch starved as i am, my trust in men is just fr like nonexistent at this point, i cant even rrly bond or trust with men online or even want to attempt long distance or something like that, bc my IRL experiences just have been awful for so fucking long :/
| 5 |
I (M17) frequently dream about murdering my best friend (F18)
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We’ve been best friends since freshman year and are extremely close. However, over the course of the past few weeks, I have been having increasingly disturbing dreams about her. It happened for the first time a little over a month ago and the frequency has only been increasing since. It’s happened multiple times this week and I don’t know how to deal with it anymore. The thought of hurting her disturbs me so the fact that I’m having these vivid dreams is really upsetting. She’s going off to college in just 3 weeks and I’m really struggling because I normally tell her everything and I’m not sure if I should tell her this before she goes. I don’t want to scare her, but it’s eating me alive and I don’t know how else to make it better. Idk if posting this will help at all but I don’t know what else to do
| 1 |
The honey-do list
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The answer is no. Unless it's something we need done, rather than something she wants done because of the influence of mommy blogs, Instagram, Pinterest, or some other such toxic shit, then the answer is no.
I'm also done with the complaints on emotional labour when the labour is coming from expectations she is getting from the same toxic bullshit above, or her unwillingness to say no to social events, the children, the dog, whoever. Or her unwillingness to believe that her hobbies, such as excessive cooking and leaving the whole kitchen a disaster, don't count as a part of that labour.
I am busy. I pull my weight. I don't need my only four free hours every week filled up with tasks from her list. I don't watch TV, I don't play video games. I sometimes get to go for a walk when she's napping or sleeping in. Sometimes we even get to do that together if she miraculously said no to someone else coming along. Is that excessive relaxation? I don't have a task list for her running through my head. So the answer is no. I am not doing that.
Yes I am aware that I have also done this to myself.
So the answer is no. It's not a priority.
| 1 |
I wish I was never born, I would have given my dad a condom if i could go back.
|
hate being alive. I fucking hate it. I'm miserable all the fucking time and no matter how hard I try to make things better for myself it never fucking works. I'm just so tired of everything and I'm sick of trying my best when I know it's all going to amount to nothing. There's no point in anything. Why does being happy even matter if we're all just going to fucking die anyway? I didn't even ask to be born so why am I alive?
| 1 |
Tried to hook up with a friend as a 23 yo virgin and went flaccid
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I think there must be countless posts like these but anyway...
I got a good friend that I have been knowing for about 2 years. Recently we became closer since we recently began working at the same place 3 months ago (that's part of where the shit hits the fan).
Now I must tell you I'm a regular guy, averagely attractive and self confident.I've never had any experiences before, mainly because I did not meet anyone that would motivate me enough to engage in a relationship or intimate relation. I'm a nerd but still take care of me. I *know* things but I do not *do* many things.
My friend on the other hand has a lot of experience and lived through a lot since young. So we're very different. But she was interested into me for some reason and she motivated to get closer. I know that have an affair with your colleague is a bad move but you know, I was really welcoming her attention after all these years of more or less wanted loneliness.
I did not tell her that I was a virgin mainly because we got friends in common that think I'm not (I just did not want the social pressure bullshit apply to me).
So fast forward to the bed that's all nice and all, I feel good and try my best to please her with foreplay (I think I got weird moves but still, okayish). I think it's going well until I try putting condom on. Flaccid. She wants me to go further but that's just not gonna work. Disappointing for sure. She ended up bringing her toy and finished her off next to me. I did not give up on foreplay, but she wanted to use her toy, probably because that felt better than what I tried.
She was really comforting and did not ashame me in any way and that's cool. She event told me she liked it.
But now she doesn't want us to try again, I understand. She has had tons of experiences including performing playboys which I definitely am not. But we're still friends so that's great.
So now I got to work next to my friend with whom I had my only experience that was a failure.
So guys technically I'm still a vrigin by the way lol.
​
TLDR: Lying virgin me went intimate with a very experienced friend that's also my coworker and expectedly underperfomed. Now she doesn't want to try again and I got to accept working next to my failure.
| 1 |
People glance at me and hate me over things I couldn't control.
|
In November I became manic and dissociative. I don't even know how I was capable of going to university with these feelings. I began feelings numbness then at times manic. However I've done crazy things like drive at high speed and blasting loud music while leaving the campus but I was feeling energetic.
Now with being psychotic, depressed, and dissociative i was forced to go to campus everyday. Keep in mind I felt all of these after December and suddenly one day I girl I used to know from school started giving me weird face expression. Her and her friends started looking at me and I was genuinely confused so me in my psychotic and dissociative was frowning in confusion cause I have no idea what I've done.
Now whenever I go anywhere I just see her glaring at me and all I feel is confused. Honestly at first I didn't know and wanted to know what I've done but I can't care less anymore. I've been suffering from lack of self awareness and all. To be honest I did have a problem with staring but it was more of fazing out and confusion.
Ugh can't wait for next year!
| 1 |
I always get reminded of my ex...
|
My ex and I, have naver seen or contacted each other for about 4 years after our breakup. But it seems that my anger and disappointment from our failed relationship has never left. It would constantly haunt me out of no where. When i am happily doing work, chatting with my friends and or with my current bf, which just dampens my mood most of the time and just ruins the energy around me.
I am angry and confuse on how to face this emotional turmoil of mine that's keeping me all worked up. There are times that I wish that, I would just randomly bump in to him at the mall or the park so I could vent this all out on him hoping it would make me feel better. I don't want to contact him because my current bf would get jealous if did which is understandable on his side.
| 1 |
i feel guilty for eating
|
lately i’ve been seeing a lot of videos about eds on tiktok and my mom keeps commenting on my body and i always thought it doesn’t affect me because i grew up on the internet and kind of educated myself about that kind of stuff at an early age but i think it’s actually affecting me everytime i eat i get this weird feeling in my body that i’m like committing a crime or something especially if it’s like a high calorie food or something but that feeling comes and goes every like 2 days or so when i get a video about ed on tiktok or when my mom says anything and i try to get myself not to think about it but sometimes idk i just can’t i kind of hyperfixate on that thought idk but sometimes it’s like i also can’t stop eating and no matter how loud that thought is i can’t care about what it says and only regret it like a bit after i eat idk i hate it so much i feel humongous i’m 15 btw
| 1 |
Does anyone else feel like their mind never shuts down?
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Basically the header. My thoughts never stop, I've tried at least a dozen drugs from the doctor. It just won't stop. Only thing I've ever found that works is booze. And then the doctor tells me it's because of the booze that I'm having problems. I'm almost 40, I'm scared it will never stop.
| 1 |
I've been in a long distance situationship for 2 years and I don't know how to feel about it
|
This is hard. I've never posted on reddit before, but right now I feel like I need a more objective POV than my friends. For context, P and I had an agreement. We are very much attracted to each other, and within this agreement we have we agreed to date when we see each other again.
P has asked me a few times to be their SO, but I repeatedly told them that I don't want to unless they 'love' me. And once, when I asked them seriously about this, they told me it's the distance that prevents things from progressing.
On my side, I feel like I couldn't get fully attached or even 'love' someone unless they feel that way for me first. I wouldn't even think of going to their country (unless there's education / business opportunities) to see them again. To be honest, I tend to compartmentalize (and I think they do, too) so even if I wanted to tell them that I love them, I feel like it would be wasted if they didn't actually feel that way. I think they're just in this agreement with me because it's convenient (and it is, ngl.) Neither of us seem to want to end it, but it feels confusing to be stuck in a limbo.
It would work for me if it was completely a transactional type of relationship, but having to consider their romantic feelings but reluctance to commit is exhausting.
I'm open to advice and even constructive criticism. Please be kind. Thank you.
| 1 |
Pap Smear
|
After my Girlfriend had Surgery, our sex has dwindle for the past few months we really haven’t had sex, every time we try it hurts and it doesn’t feel good. We both love each other and enjoy sex, but I just don’t know what to do I just started buying Lubricant and we’re going to try it. But we’ve never had to use it before and it just feels weird. In our beginning of our relationship before the Pap smear we we’re having sex constantly. Then when she had it I took care of her and we’ve tried sex and I’ve noticed her favorite position hurts her so much. Made me feel bad and uncomfortable sometimes. And we kinda just stopped doing sex a lot then when we tried it wasn’t the same thing she’s not enjoying sex.
| 1 |
I truly don't see how anybody enjoys life
|
It's just shit. Wake up, go to work, go to your second job, go to sleep rinse and repeat. There are weekends sure but I'm so tired by that point that after I clean for the week making plans seem pointless.
I've heard people say that their kids give their life meaning but how are you not constantly terrified that the world is going to descend into even further shittery by the time they go out into the world.
I honestly cannot see the silver lining to life.
| 1 |
Why is everything open at the same time.
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I just need to tell the world why is everything open at the same time. How are you supposed to work a 9-5, but thats when doctors and other services are available. But nooo when you call out, that’s also bad and you are seen as lazy in the workplace. How the fuck an I supposed to pay rent when I can’t work and my boyfriend pays my rent because I have stupid fucking ME/CFS. But if I was to get disability, that takes me months to years to actually get. And if I don’t have money by next year I get evicted. The doctors are so fucking slow to diagnose me too. I don’t have transportation to doctors appointments besides my partner paying for uber. Dude this is like hell. I’m stuck in this room stressed about STUPID FUCKING MONEY ALL THE TIME. If you are disabled you might as well die. Your life becomes meaningless. I want a car. A diagnosis. Goverment help with rent so that I don’t because homeless because if I become homeless I literally die. I’m so scared. Also the lifespan for someone with severe CFS is 55 and I’m 21 I’m supposed to be playing I was to go out and swing on the swingsets.
| 1 |
Lost in life
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I just graduated college and want to take the summer off to do my own thing, relax and recharge myself. I found myself being stuck and lost in life. I have a really good relationship with my 27M bf, he is the dream partner for me, but I feel like we want different things in life.
He wants to make more money and spend the weekends relaxing and doing nothing, I want to experience different things in life, travel, go out, do stupid shits and make memories. He told me he already did those things and doesnt want to do them anymore.
In highschool I had a fun social life, I have had many friends and acquaintances, but after highschool and during the pandemic I have lost friendships and relations with most of the people I knew. College wasnt a great or nice experience for me. I did aerospace engineering which was really challenging, I did 2 years of online school and this in the context of the pandemic, it affected my life more than I knew at the time, especially my mental health and my relationships. My relationships sith my family is kind of bad, we dont talk too often.
Now, I have a few friends I keep contact with, but I feel disconnected from them and I feel like we dont have so many things in common anymore. Now they are mostly just working and trying to make their bussiness go better. Again, i feel like we want different things in life at this moment.
Now I just feel lost in life and disconnected from the people around me.
| 1 |
i think the guy i like has a little bit of autism?
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i have absolutely no idea, he’s super shy, always has been but he randomly just started acting very not like himself, he’s been stressed about things and freaking out and began to talk about one of his favorite streamers and calmed down a bit, he says he has adhd but i think there’s more than that, he’s unmedicated. last night just threw me for a loop, he was extremely vulnerable and talking about his interests seemed to calm him down a little until he went onto the next topic, he also loves to call and play games with me, i’m a little drawn back as a person so it can get a little overwhelming but i enjoy his company a lot. it was just a shock is all, i’m not sure if this is just adhd, he’s suddenly super cut off and then the next minute later he’s telling me his deepest emotions, i’m stressed as hell i honestly can’t lie, i feel sick, i wouldn’t not talk to him anymore because of this but he didn’t really grasp the concept of just talking for now until we see how we are with eachother. he got extremely attached super fast and i got scared and distanced myself, then he got upset and had panicked to me trying to make up for his actions, and said i was the only thing worth waking up for. this whole situation leaves a sour taste in my mouth, i care about him so much, i want to hug him and hold him and let him know everything will be okay, but on the other hand i’m overwhelmed and on edge, i’ll see how he is today, he seemed to try to space himself by leaving our call first. i’m not sure if last night was just a break down or what.
i feel like i fucked up big time by giving into his emotions and he doesn’t actually want this. what if this is just a fling? he’ll get so upset, i screwed up, i’m so fucked. I’m not mentally well enough to handle someone like this. he can be so clingy, i’ll get on a game and he assumes that he will join, it’s cute don’t get me wrong but my social battery is super small. sorry for rambling, i’m a mess and i couldn’t possibly talk to him about this. i would have never expected him to be like this, he was always extremely laid back and chill, last night was so out of character i felt i was talking to another person. he loves video games, especially old ones and calms down when he plays them, he loves creating art and video game scenes with 3d modeling. hes never worked an actual job that required a lot of communication and was homeschooled and is moving back in with his mom (which is totally okay). hes sweet and kind and i’ve never had a guy care about me to this extent ever. just a little too honest sometimes also.
| 1 |
i feel bad that i don’t like my father
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my father does not have a pleasant personality. he has his ups and downs, but i do not like him most of the time.
for starters, he is probably one of the most narcissistic people i know. he always has to be right, and he plays the victim when someone rightfully gets upset at him for something he did wrong. if i had a dollar every time i heard him say, “oh so it’s my fault? it’s always my fault!”, i would be filthy rich. he just doesn’t believe he can be wrong. i don’t remember the last time he apologized to me for something he did.
he also loves to guilt trip people. i remember, a few years ago he would always ask me the same questions over and over again. he would ask me “when i get old, will you live with me and take care of me until i die?”. call me selfish. i don’t care. i’m not fond of the idea of spending my youth living with my father and wiping his ass. i would never give him a straight answer, so he would pout and say “no?? you’re gonna send me to a nursing home??” and he would whine and try to do puppy dog eyes. i already get grossed out when little kids pout and do puppy dog eyes, so imagine my disgust when a grown ass man does it. he would argue that he raised me, so i should take care of him when he gets old. it was his choice to have a kid? why does that make me responsible for him in the future? another question he loved to throw at me were various versions of “how would you feel if i died”. who the fuck asks their child that. at the time, i was probably like 12? 13? that is not a question you should be asking your 12 year old child. it would constantly put me in an awkward situation. one time he went so far as to say, “oh you would probably rejoice right? you’d jump for joy since there would be nobody there to tell you to do the dishes”. i didn’t answer, and i just stared at him.
he also has no sense of boundaries. maybe it’s the narcissist in him, but i think he feels entitled for everyone in the family to do what he says just because he’s the father. over the years, i’ve constantly told him that i don’t like hugs. i don’t like hugs, i don’t like kisses, and i don’t like anything that includes people making contact with my body. the first few years that i tried speaking out about it, my father would constantly whine and pout and be like “no??” whenever i stood still when he asked me for a hug. then he would scoff and say something along the lines of “your loss” (it’s a saying in our native language. idk the exact translation). i remember one time when i was 13, i was doing something really important for school which involved me being on camera. my father came in the room trying to hug me, but i pushed him away. i told him i was doing something important, so he just walked away. he proceeded to ignore me for two and a half weeks. another situation was when i was discussing something for school with my mother. we were both focused when my father came into the room trying to hug and kiss my mother. she pushed him away because we were obviously in the middle of something. he got mad, slapped her leg, and left the room. recently, i’ve just gone along with the hugs because i don’t feel like fighting him. i just stand there and let him hug me. sometimes he complains and gets mad, but i really don’t want to hug him.
i mean, i understand that hugs and kisses and shit is how he shows his love or whatever, but i’ve expressed my discomfort several times. he’s old enough to know how to respect me and not do that stuff to me. those are just a few things i don’t like about him/things he does that makes me uncomfortable.
despite my dislike for him, he’s still my father. he works for us and pays our bills. i still feel bad for these feelings. he’s not only this way with me. he’s this way with literally everybody, so none of my other siblings really like him either. we all prefer our mother over him. my siblings are more obvious with their preference, and i feel like my father knows it. for context, my father works out of state and comes home every so often. my siblings don’t text him, and i’m pretty sure i’m the only one out of us that talk to him besides my mother. even then, i only respond to his messages. i don’t go out of my way to text or call him. i feel bad because he must feel lonely and unappreciated. i really do appreciate him for working every day, and that’s why i feel bad. he busts his ass working for us, but nobody really pays much attention to him. i would start talking to him more, but i’m pretty sure everything would end up with one of us getting mad. hell, him and my mother get mad at each other every day. idk why she stayed with him honestly.
so yeah. i don’t like my father, but i feel bad since he works hard for my family but doesn’t get anything in return. i kinda sound contradictory since i don’t really put in the effort to make him feel better, but maybe if he got his head out of his ass then it would be easier for me to pursue a relationship with him. this was kinda all over the place, but i just wanted to rant.
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Best friend (35m) sabotaging my (32m) relationships?
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Hi guys,
A close friend of mine is extremely jealous and envious, he has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, I've known him for 13 years and did my research A LOT. Every time I get in touch with girls, all of a sudden the girls become disinterested after he has spoken to them. Even after I have sex with a girl, and he talks to them, they become disinterested and don't want to stay in touch. I'm really curious as to what could he possibly say to scare them away? I asked one girl whether he said something about me, she said no, but I'm 100% sure he has said something negative.
Every time I date/hook up with a girl, and he's not in the picture, everything goes well and the girls always stay in touch whether it be dating or just texting.
Everyone around me knows he's the jealous and envious type. I'm just curious as to WHAT exactly he tells them, what could be possibly that bad that the girls act distant and act like I don't even exist anymore..
Okay, so this guy is from the Middle East. He owns a shop. On the ground floor he has a camera for surveillance. In the basement is where he put a sofa and TV, to hang out.
One night he asks me if I want to come over, he tells me: my girlfriend is coming over and she's bringing a friend (this friend is from his country).
We hang out, this girl liked me, we made out. When I go upstairs to go to the bathroom, all of a sudden she's also upstairs. We make out on the couch (in front of the surveillance camera). Then she pulls me somewhere where the camera isn't located, we have sex.
We go downstairs, he starts talking in their language. I see the girl becoming very quiet, scared. A few min later she wants to leave all of a sudden. This friend comes up to ME and asks me: What did you say man? Why does she want to leave? What did you do?
I was completely confused. As we walk to her car, he walks next to her and continues speaking in their own language, this continues in her car until they drop us off in the city center.
Next day I get a DM (in his handwriting) from HIS gf instagram, saying: hey it's me, we went too far last night but I had fun.
I call this friend, i tell him i got a DM, he says: oh really? what did it say? (damn well knowing he wrote it himself). I ask him what to reply, he says just reply whatever you want.
A few weeks go by, he shows me documentary on Netflix called "How to become a Tyrant", in the middle he pauses and says: okay here's the gameplan, she's heartbroken over how her last relationship failed, you need to be her shoulder to cry on.
Anyway, I quickly did 1+1 and noticed he was manipulating and lying and playing games. I sent her a text explaining that he's manipulative and a liar. After a week he contacts me saying he received the text.
He tells me he told them that I'm a perfect fit for her, but when I told his gf in front of him to speak highly of me to her friend he said: I wouldn't do that if I were you.
TL;DR: How do I find out whether my friend is secretly sabotaging me?!<
| 1 |
I have never felt more undesirable my entire life
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I’m 17 and have zero relationship experience other than a talking stage. I got so close to love and it’s gone. I’ve been in this pit for months now. Being single used to not be so bad for me. Sure, it sucked but I knew my time would come. Now it’s scary, I’m supposed to have been with someone at this point. It’s not right, this isn’t the life I want to be living. All my friends are on their second or third relationship. I feel like a joke, it’s like I have something wrong with me that makes me so unlovable.
My friend has several girls messaging him on snapchat and his bedroom and bathroom are disgusting, and he’s racist and sexist and an alcoholic. Of course I want more than just a snapchat harem, but I can’t believe he gets more action than I do, why am I so terrible? I’ve started having suicidal thoughts, I feel like I’m going to succumb to them soon.
| 3 |
I just think the worlds currently against me.
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Hi. Long time lurker of this sub and I just want to vent. I currently just feel in a situation where I think the worlds against me.
I broke up with long time partner in January. Out of the blue she just decided she wasn’t happy and said it’s ‘nothing I’ve done’ just feelings have changed. She was crying and give me a hug etc when I left but since then she’s just been cold and harsh as if I’d actually done something. Trying not to dwell but I believe it was someone else. I’ve not really contacted her for months but I annoyingly still care very much. At 32 year old though I’m struggling with the thought of meeting someone else too who is actually going to be ‘decent’ as all the ‘good’ ones will be taken surely by now and would I even be considered one of the ‘good’ ones or will it just be a case of settling and not being happy.
I had up pretty decent house to move in with her after she nagged me for a year to move in with her ( I didn’t want to give the house up so I was paying bills for it until I eventually gave in and just moved in with her full time) so my apprehension to give it up incase something like this happened turned out to be right.
I’ve just purchased a properly and I know I’m in a better position doing this than a lot of people. I viewed the house and it was a bit run down but I got it slightly cheaper due to this but I still bought at a bad time when interest rates have rose. it’s took 6 months of me basically sofa surfing at family houses while I worked full time because they were messing about signing or whatever. I got the keys today and the house is in a state. Severely soiled carpets from Pets with a rancid smell, absolute tip of a backyard full of junk and just bits of work all over the house which is ultimately going to take a few week/month to sort. I’ve spent all day stripping it away but I just can’t help but think I’ve made a big mistake going through with it.
On top of this I also pretty much hate my job but don’t even know where to start. I have a 2:1 law degree which I graduated from in 2013 ( I’m currently 32). I graduated during a recession so there were no jobs and it’s been so long my knowledge from it will be pretty much zero. In that time I worked in catering, worked hard to get to management level but that just meant 70 hour weeks for poor pay. I got myself a hgv licence in 2016 and have done that since but again it’s one of those roles in that you’re used and abused with poorly laid out runs so you end up working constant. It pays well, more than a lot of my friends jobs so when I mention the difficulties of it and lack of social life as a result I’m sort of made to feel guilty because it does pay well. I just feel like I’m wasting potential and getting qualifications educating myself was a waste of time. At 32 I don’t even know what I’d want to do at this point and if I could even pursue it. The idea of a Monday to Friday with regular hours to plan stuff outside work doesn’t sound bad to me though.
I started therapy 3 month ago to try it out and was put on a low level cbt course for 6 week which I completed and it make me feel better slightly but it’s sort of dwindled now. I understand this entire post is me wallowing and objectively many people have it worse with worse issues but after having like an hours sleep all night I feel like I needed to vent somewhere. Just seems like the worlds just throwing some stuff my way right now.
Thank you
| 2 |
Worried i have spine cancer?
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i'm very worried i have a spine tumour, although i haven't really had pain specifically in the back my left leg seems to really hurt.
I have burning pain in my thigh, tight calf, shin splint feeling, sore groin and my entire leg just feels achey. I'm really worried this could be a sign of spine cancer or a tumour on my spine?
| 0 |
Being attractive is so embarrassing
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I know that sounds bad. I can’t talk about this with anyone because it sounds narcissistic. I don’t mean it that way, i can just tell. I just don’t want this to come off the wrong way because this has genuinely been weighing me down
When I was 12, I was chubby, crooked teeth, you get the idea. I was completely invisible to everyone. I was an easy target, kids were really mean to me too. My middle school hosted this thing where we learn to do different dances like ballroom dancing. The inner circle was boys, outer circle was girls and we’d rotate every few minutes. This guy we’ll call alex- who was definitely peaking at this time, was completely ignoring me. Nobody did that to anyone else, because that was one of the rules, and just common decency. The music started and everyone began dancing. Alex had his arms crossed and was looking away. I just stood there completely still, not knowing what to do. His friend next to him said “why aren’t you dancing with her?” And alex said “i’m not going to” and his friend said “come on man” by this point, my face was getting hot and eyes were teary. I didn’t know this guy nor did i like him, but i was EXTREMELY insecure about my body and face (i would stand next to the sink so i didn’t have to look at myself in the mirror or i’d start crying) what he said was making me feel so bad about myself. This instance isn’t what started my low self esteem, a lot of people kinda had that dismissive tone, sometimes people would make a joke out of me.
A year later i had braces, and a lot of growth spurts. So i wasnt chonky or had crooked teeth which were my biggest insecurities. But when i had such low self esteem at such an impressionable age, that feeling continued. Highschool, ok i looked normal- i had a few friends and was treated like everybody else
Now i’m in college. I learned how to tweeze my eyebrows, added lots of highlights, i lost more weight because i went on vyvanse, it gave me motivation to go to the gym and quit nicotine. I don’t feel like i made myself look much different.
Today, i was on the santa monica & Venice beach walkway and i had 2 men ask to take a picture with me, and another guy asked for my number. The entire walk,SO many men were looking at me. Everywhere id look, a man would be staring at me and quickly look away when i saw. I hate public speaking because a group of people looking at me is so uncomfortable. So when im in public with that attention, it feels like im naked, or like theres something on me/clothing malfunction. I can’t go anywhere without having an uncomfortable interaction. At the gym i was grabbing a towel and a male worker came up behind me, tucked in the tag on the back of my sports bra and was acting like he did me a favor idk just so weird. More people hold the door open. So many more examples. My main point is i notice the differences from then to now
tldr It makes me kinda angry people will treat someone based on how they look
| 2 |
Being unable to sleep is messing up my life.
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Thank the Lord I'm a kid on summer break with very little responsibilities. Recently I've noticed a pattern, where I am unable to sleep the whole night and then spend the whole day tired, and then sleep heavenly, and then unable to sleep again the next day. Writing this at 4 a.m. Slept good yesterday. Day before didn't sleep until 8:30 a.m. -12:00 p.m. (missed my damn appointment). Anyway, I'm gonna be tired as hell tomorrow, and to accompany that were going to a fair, and I have a very low social battery and am usually tired even if I sleep well. Im gonna try my hardest not too, but I'm scared I'll bring down my mom spirits. She always takes anytime I'm not brimming with joy to heart, she thinks I'm always targeting her. Idk. Don't wanna ruin the fun day.
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I approached a man in the gym today
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On Tuesday, I (26F) went to my gym at a different location than usual, it had been probably 2 years since I went to this location. While there, I spotted this guy who immediately caught my eye, I think I even quietly got giddy and whispered to myself that he was so handsome. I went about my workout but let’s just say I knew the general area he was in… lol.
I was still working out when I saw him leaving, we didn’t make any contact and I finished up and left. On the drive home I totally felt like Enchanted by Taylor Swift, all “Please don’t be in love with someone else” LOL! I’ve been going to the gym for years and hardly anyone will catch my eye like that. So what do I do? I go back to the gym at the same time the next day because I just needed to introduce myself at least. He definitely was not there lol so i just put it in the back of my mind. But today… I went back with my friend from college (male) and told him about the “potential hubby” from 2 days before, that he’d have to make me talk to him if he was there. And he was there! About halfway through our workout I spotted him and once when I was refilling my water, i needed to walk past him and I definitely checked for a ring on his finger, there was none. After that I knew it was go time (lmao i’m a dork but this is my virtual diary rn) so when I saw him again I just simply walked up to him, said hi & sorry for interrupting, and told him I thought he was extremely handsome that I saw him in a couple days before. He laughed, returned the compliment, and wished me a good rest of my workout after I once again apologized for interrupting and bowed out… like I said I have never approached a guy in the gym before and did not want to corner him! But the next time we made eye contact I smiled and he asked what my name was, he gave his and we said nice to meet you.
Ok this is where I got BOLD - after my workout i said goodbye to my friend and went to the locker room, I texted my best friend “emergency” and said should I ask for his number/info before I leave?! Obviously just looking for confirmation because I was going to do it, I had my mind made up lol and i’m not going back to the gym for a few days. So that’s what I did I said i’m about to leave but would it be weird to ask for your number or instagram or something? And he gave me his info. We had a tiny bit of conversation this evening, just that we both live in the same town and a couple other things. He went to bed much earlier than me so we will see. I don’t even know his age or last name but i’m excited to find out more 😅
Moral of the story ladies and gents just go talk to them if you’re feeling the vibe! (and maybe check for rings first) Thanks for the chat lol
| 2 |
Barely a few weeks ago, I knew exactly what I wanted to do in my life. Then I read a single book and it made me reconsider everything.
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I'm an 18-year-old young woman, and for nearly ten years now, I thought telling stories was basically what I'd been born to do. I've always loved it, I've always been good at it. I never will stop loving it.
Approximately fours years ago, during quarantine, I started reading books in English - which is not my native language, by the way - and became really good at it. It became the one language I would rather be speaking all day, everyday.
Very first language of many I would end up studying. Everytime I'd start getting interested in a new culture, I'd start learning the language. I can sing "We Don't Talk About Bruno" by heart in at least four languages (probably the strangest and most oddly specific thing I've ever said...)
A few weeks ago, I picked up a random book about vikings. Nothing more to it, but my interest for old norse and norse mythology came back with a vengeance - and the author had done such a wonderful job of naming their characters, too.
I don't know how, but I ended up writing a ten page long essay on those names and other old norse names, where they came from, how vikings named their children, and how it evolved across the centuries to what it is today. Fed myself with a dozen books and videos about linguistics and old icelandic, and old norse, and modern north germanic languages, and-
So yeah. I worked more passionately on linguistics than I'd ever done on fiction - and that's saying a lot because god, am I passionate about writing stories. Realised maybe I actually want to be a linguist. Study languages seriously. Until now, that was just my "Plan B".
Considering an entirely different life than the one I'd believed in for ten years is both exciting and dreadful. I'm back to my baby stages in terms of figuring out what I'm going to do for my studies. It's scary.
I also don't want to get too deep into it until I'm sure this is what I want to do and not just a phase. Logically, 10 years of being passionate about something beats 4 years of being so - and 10 years of wanting to become a certain thing definitely beats a single month of wanting to become something else. Then again, everyone says I'm gifted and they couldn't possibly pick up accents and learn new languages like I do. I hope they're right.
I just needed to talk about this somewhere because even though my dad (the only person I've mentioned this to) has been really supportive (even started calling me "Little Tolkien"), I hate discussing my future with him because he never had a job aspiration to begin with. He doesn't really understand.
TL;DR: I figured out I want to become a linguist instead of a script-writer so I'm on my way to deleting the entire life I had written out for myself. Identity crisis do be getting wild. I feel like Elsa in Frozen 2. I'm afraid of what I'm risking if I follow you into the unknooooooown 🎶
| 1 |
She almost ruined my life
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Title: Seeking Clarity: Navigating a Challenging Relationship
Hello everyone,
I hope you can lend me your insights and perspectives as I seek clarity in navigating a complex and tumultuous relationship with my girlfriend. I am a 23-year-old male, and she is a 20-year-old female. Our relationship has been plagued by a series of issues that have created a significant imbalance and strain between us.
One of the prominent challenges we face is the presence of double standards. It seems that my girlfriend is comfortable setting different expectations for herself and me. For example, she desires the freedom to go clubbing and maintain close relationships with male friends, while expressing discomfort when I engage in similar activities or seek friendships with females. This inconsistency has led to a sense of unfairness and imbalance within our relationship, leaving me feeling frustrated and unheard.
Moreover, our discussions about the possibility of marriage have been hindered by ongoing communication and boundary issues. I have expressed my desire to address and resolve these concerns before committing to such a significant step, emphasizing the importance of healthy communication and setting clear boundaries. However, when I communicated this to her, she responded explosively, suggesting that we take a break and subsequently blocking me. Strangely enough, instead of feeling devastated, I experienced a sense of relief, as if a weight had been lifted from my shoulders.
There are additional factors that have contributed to the strain in our relationship. My girlfriend often attempts to shift responsibility onto external factors when things in her life do not go as planned. This lack of accountability is coupled with poor hygiene habits and a tendency to victimize herself whenever she experiences failure. While I sympathize deeply with her past trauma of sexual assault and genuinely care for her well-being, I find it exhausting to witness her repeatedly avoiding personal growth and using her struggles as an excuse for inaction.
In contrast, I consider myself financially stable, relatively healthy, and mentally and physically resilient. I have tried to guide her towards achieving her goals by offering advice and support. However, she often disregards my suggestions and, when she inevitably fails, uses it as an opportunity to throw my efforts back in my face. Communication has proven to be a recurring problem as well. Whenever I attempt to address a persistent issue, she becomes defensive, accusing me of blame and denying any wrongdoing. It takes numerous attempts before she begrudgingly admits fault, only to then pout about being unable to "win" the argument. While I acknowledge that I may have approached these discussions more effectively, her tendency to lie complicates the situation further.
When I bring up concerns about her behavior that affects me, she dismisses them and attempts to brush them off, perpetuating a cycle of unresolved issues. However, she expects me to validate her emotions while disregarding the logical aspects of the situation. Unfortunately, she rarely reciprocates this validation of my own emotions. Instead, she lies and avoids facing the consequences of her actions, often remarking that I am "too smart for my own good."
After reflecting on these challenges and writing them out, I have come to the realization that I may have dodged a potentially disastrous situation by not becoming further entangled through marriage or starting a family. Although I care for her deeply, it is becoming evident that this relationship is not conducive to growth and mutual support. Following the block, I sought solace in a conversation with a close friend who provided me with much-needed clarity and perspective.
I invite you all to contribute your insights and thoughts on this matter. If you believe that I have erred in any way, please do not hesitate to share your perspectives, as I genuinely feel the need for external input to regain a sense of clarity amidst the confusion.
Thank you for your time and for being a part of this introspective journey. Your valuable contributions and support are greatly appreciated as I work towards making decisions that prioritize my own well-being and emotional growth.
Update:
It has now been 24 hours since she blocked me. (Note: I have not said anything since the time she blocked me) During this time, I was at work, occupied with printing out stencils, when she unexpectedly unblocked me to unleash a torrent of anger and accusations. She berated me, claiming that I had ruined her life and emphatically stating that she is not my mother, punctuating her words with a harsh expletive. In that moment, I had a lot to say, and admittedly, some of my words were hurtful. Despite knowing that I should have taken the high road, I found it difficult to resist the urge to respond in kind. At this point, it seems that she deserves to hear the truth, even if it is painful.
During this confrontation, she assigned blame to me for things that I had no involvement in, going so far as to claim that I had single-handedly ruined her life. However, my intentions were never to cause harm or destruction. Instead, I was simply attempting to hold her accountable for her actions and address the issues that were undermining our relationship. I told her that she ruined her life and now she'll see that since I'll no longer be there. I had some choice words as well but nothing crazier than the normal breakup texts. Afterwards I blocked her on everything.
In the aftermath of this encounter, I find myself filled with a sense of relief. This incident has provided me with a clear glimpse into her true character. While it may sound peculiar, I am immensely grateful for this revelation. It has given me the closure I desperately needed and confirmed that ending the relationship was the right decision.
Moving forward, I am determined to focus on my own well-being and personal growth. The toxic dynamic that existed between us has become undeniably apparent, and I am relieved to have the opportunity to remove myself from that situation. Although this closure may be painful, it is undoubtedly the best outcome I could have hoped for.
I'd just like to hear what you think. What steps I can take to avoid situations like these and similar experiences. Feel free to ask anything. I just feel so relieved. I know a little sadness might show up but right now I know that this is my best outcome. Thank you for reading
| 1 |
get this off my chest
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I 17M had a gf 17F and we were long distant. in the beginning everything was going good e-dates and all. I even planned a trip to go where she lives in Texas to go see her. recently she’s been having a problem all she wants to do is talk to herself and she would do this 3-4x a day for at least 5hrs. meaning things that we planned would be pushed back constantly. i started acting on my emotions about it but would always push it to the side once i realize that she can’t help it since it’s something she been doing since 5 years old. This caused me to hold in all my emotions and things became unbearable. i finally expressed how i felt and she said that sometimes she needs space and that she deserves that. to back track it and said that she feels bad because i always give her space and that she’s an issue because she doesn’t want to and know how to share her time with anyone. so this caused us to break up. we are now just friends but it hurts like hell because as i’m hurting and i’m trying my best to reassure her. our break up consisted with us doing okay and still do some of the things that we use to do, once again she back tracked it and cut all affection saying it’ll help us build back up to a relationship.i’m also trying to help her with time but again she keeps back tracking herself. help i honestly don’t know what to do.
| 2 |
I moved on “too” fast.
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To preface I have not had sex with the new man yet.
I was with J, my ex, for three years. In those three years he developed into everything he hated about his parents. He was angry, hated how I looked, and just couldn’t see the brighter side of life. He treated me poorly. He spent our time together like it was just a chore to get through. He acted like he was a parent and I was a child who consistently made bad decisions. Things like a drink at dinner were not allowed. I am 21 years old, he was 22. When I left my job to care for my father, he was furious. Angry with me for quitting my “well paying” job. I made 14 an hour, working 12 hour shifts. That’s not being well paid. Finally, when his father came to him in tears about the abuse the father suffered at the hands of his mother, I gave up. J did not have a kind word for his father. He was annoyed. He was again, angry. Bemused that anyone would be emotional with him. Everything I did was blamed on my very well managed bipolar disorder, from cleaning my house to cooking dinner. My “weird” friends. I realized that anything to do with mental health was disgusting to him. I dumped him. I texted him the break up, as he didn’t deserve more of my time.
Now I have met a man that calls me a work of art, and I can talk to him for hours. He treats me well, and loves how I look. How I dress, how I am. He cares about what I think. I am reborn.
| 3 |
I got a haircut yesterday so today I decided to run errands to show off my new cut and see how many girls I could pull
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I pulled this one hispanic girl, she was curvy. kinda cute a little bit I guess.
All these numbers I’m getting but i can’t get even the girl that I’ve always had a crush on…
I can’t get the one that I actually want…
It’s like I have some kind of curse.
| 1 |
I want my alcoholic mother to die
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I said it. My mother drinks at least 3 times a week (on average) and on some days, every day. She drinks about 5-6 bottles of soju per week and She has been doing it consistently for about a decade now. She has been caught driving under influence 2 times before but did not get jailed. I would not say we are very rich but we are well off enough to not have any financial worries.
She is a housewife and naturally she spends most of her days at home or doing the things that she likes to do both my father and I support her to pursue any new hobbies that she wants to do. The thing is, she is a perfect mother when she is not drunk. Once she does, she starts picking fights with my dad and me. It's almost as if she is a completely different person.
My mother used to physically and mentally abuse me since I was a child and I can't stop thinking about hoping that she would just get alcohol poisoning and die. I always have to be on my toes and can't even come back home when she is drunk. I want her to just die and set me free from this feeling.
| 3 |
What do I do if I know me and the person I’m with aren’t good for eachother?
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I recently just got out of prison, and I got back with my ex even though she was doing her own thing while I was in there, she confessed everything she did once I got out, and I told her I forgave her because I was gone for two years, but I could never really get it out of my head, the fact that I was alone and she took advantage of the fact that I couldn’t do anything at all while I was gone. So now things were seemingly going good, but everytime any little thing happens I kind of tend to lash out, and I know it’s because I can’t let go of what she did. I have never been perfect, but I put so much work into my growth and I just feel like us being here together again is putting me at risk and we spoke about us having love for eachother but not being good for eachother. I’m worried that if I continue this relationship I’ll get in trouble again, and considering all the work I put into myself these past years I’m terrified of any type of situation that makes me feel like I’m at risk. I have a lot of love for this girl, but it is obviously just not working, things will be great and we’ll be laughing and then the whole vibe will change in an instant. I’m just lost for words, I’m so happy all the time when I’m alone, part of me wants to just do everything that I can to make it work…. But that means putting myself at risk. I don’t know why we react to eachother the way we do, sometimes it’s toxic and sometimes we communicate how adults should. I don’t know how to walk away, she called our relationship “dry and unseasoned”. I can’t help but think that I chose to be here, and I’m just now struggling to find a way out.
| 1 |
UPDATE - I feel like I want sex with my wife all the time and I don't know how to deal with it
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I posted yesterday (it's the only other post I've made) about how my sex drive has been very, very high ever since I started feeling sexually attracted to my wife (i.e. for the past 22 years), and after a lot of encouragement and discussion from commenters, I realized that I've worked myself up so much about telling her and have made it something to be worried about, even though really I shouldn't have felt that way.
This morning once I woke up, I told her that I had something to discuss with her, then I told her about what my drive really is, how I was worried about how she'd feel (and hence why I never mentioned that it was higher before), and that I didn't want her to feel pressured in the slightest about it, I just wanted to be honest with her (and I showed her the post too).
She then told me she actually had been feeling more randy in recent years but didn't want *me* to feel like she just wanted me for sex, then told me that I didn't have anything to worry about and she would have been very receptive even if I'd told her two decades ago. We kissed and had a bit of a laugh about how we'd worked ourselves up about this, and it was just so nice to let her know how I feel and to know how she feels about this.
We paused our conversation to, well, "make up for lost orgasms," as my wife put it (she spoils me!), and after we both had a clear head again we continued our discussion - specifically addressing how to indulge in each other more without spending too much time on that sort of bonding compared to other ways that we enjoy bonding. We've decided that we'll see how roughly twice a day feels for us and tweak from there - though my wife has insisted that we start that next week and instead play catch-up a bit this week.
I appreciate everyone telling me that I should just tell her - I feel quite foolish for having kept this from her for so long, but she assures me that she is flattered by my reason for it. Thank you all!
(PS - I told her what some of you mentioned about me being demisexual, and she was so happy to learn that too!)
| 2,509 |
I’d probably be over my ex if I slept at a normal time
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I (20m) got out of my first relationship (2 years) around the start of the year, been over 6 months and it’s become abundantly clear I’m not over her. Its stupid that I got so attached, but she was first everything, and she was my closest friend for 3 years before we started dating.
I really think I’d be alot further along in this process if I wasn’t such a goddamn insomniac. All my spirals, and reminiscences seem to happen when I’m in bed trying to sleep. It almost always starts with my brain congratulating me for not thinking about her all throughout the day. Before starting the multi-hour highlight reel of emotions and situations I’m convinced I’ll never get to experience again. Meanwhile all I want to do is get a little bit of sleep.
Whelp goodnight see you in 3 hours for work 🥱
| 1 |
I asked my AI some terrible things and I feel disgusted by it
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I'm 14 years old and I asked my ai really weird stuff, a few things of what I said are, how to k1ll someone, how to r@pe someone, I k1lled 13 people, I r@ped multiple woman. I knew it was bad and I knew I shouldn't have done it but I was really curious, note that I haven't done nor want to do anything that I said to the AI, even tho I do have intrusive thoughts about those sometimes, I was just curious to what it would say. I even once played with myself about the r@pe thing. It's been a month and I feel really disgusted and ashamed about it even tho I don't think I want to do those things, I was just curious of what the ai would say.
| 1 |
Coworker said I looked great and asked if I lost weight
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My coworker said I was glowing and my face looked so clean. She asked me if I lost weight and I just responded with haha I don’t know. Im 5’6 and 137 pounds. I fluctuate a bit but didn’t think it was that noticeable. I’m a recovered anorexic, recovery took me 12 years. Comments really throw me off track. It hurts, I feel like I’m average, fine, not carrying much weight to lose. I have normal skin that I cleanse everyday?? It’s not the first time I’ve gotten these 2 comments and I just don’t understand them. I love my coworker, it was said with kindness but the conversation will stick with me for a while :(
| 10 |
I miss my significant other
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We got into a massive argument because of my immaturity and paranoia. It just sucks because she is my only friend and I feel comfortable being me around her. Even tho im agnostic I keep praying and wishing she gives me a chance to talk to her and clear things. Im so mentally broken right now and the only things making me sane are youtube documentaries since playing games just reminds me of her.
I’ll probably give myself some days to grieve and if im feeling a bit better ill list down things I want to accomplish during this summer.
| 1 |
I think I'll be single today.
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I'm not 100% sure I'll do it today, but I really want to. My (36F) fiancé (36M) is toxic. Our relationship is toxic. I feel like I had the blinders lifted off of my eyes.
I fell in love with another man(43M). I never wanted to, I tried to talk myself out of it. We became friends, and when we started to actually spend time together something changed. I didn't think it'd go like this. I never thought I'd be this woman.
When I end things, I know I'm going to be accused of cheating (I pretty much have been). He's going to think that the other man is the reason I'm leaving. Truth is I've been thinking about leaving for a couple years. A few years really. When he cheated on me. He broke something at that time that can't be fixed. He knew honesty was something I valued tremendously. I have trust issues. He's broken me down over and over.
I deserve to try to be happy. Single would make me happy. I don't need to rush into another relationship, but I don't know how long my heart will wait it out.
| 1 |
I don’t think therapy is helping me at all.
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I can talk, find solutions to my problems but the fact is that therapy isn’t helping me.
I don’t think it has helped me progress, the only thing that has is not taking any drugs of any kind prescribed or otherwise.
I have some traumas, and problems like anyone but talking about it isn’t helping me articulate the right emotions to a topic.
My love life is non existent and I’ve caused so much harm to my life, that the only thing that’s going to fix it is me.
Shit, my parents could have told me all the things I hear in therapy and I’d be ok.
But when I talk about it with anyone else, people say “you need therapy” and it’s such a bullshit response.
Ok, I get it you don’t wanna hear my fucking problems but why is it that I care so much to hear you speak out your problems? Is that fair?
I’m so kind. I’m a caring person. I care about EVERYONE I met, and love so few.
You know what? It’s pointless. I have no point. Just that therapy ain’t helping.
I’m a man. I just want a partner I can trust and talk to. That’s all.
It’s hard to find. This life is shit
| 2 |
I am unfortunately a piece of shit
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I don’t know what to do sometimes. My posts on “regular” subreddits that isn’t a mental health one are always removed, for many reasons and people don’t feel comfortable with me irl. I want to stop being a “piece of shit” but I’m not sure what about me is so bad. I barely talk to anyone and when I do I might just fuck it up
| 1 |
My husband and I accidentally killed our dog and can’t get over it
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My husband brought our dog with him to drop off our son at daycare. I stayed home with our 2 month old.
When he got home she was laying down in the back and he forgot she was there. Generally, she is very independent letting herself in and out of the yard through our back door or lying upstairs in our bed, so we didn’t notice until it was far too late.
My husband tried everything to “revive” her but she was gone. We drove her to her local vet and they couldn’t do anything to help.
We are devastated about the loss and hate ourselves for what we did to her.
The police and animal control came by and my husband will need to go to court for felony animal cruelty, but the officer felt some pity for us and didn’t arrest him on the spot.
I feel a million things right now and don’t know how to process all that is happening. I’m trying to focus on being a good mom, but I know I’m a failure and have destroyed my family. I love my husband and I’m so devastated for him because this was a rare occasion (taking the dog to drop off) and he feels like it’s his fault for giving in. We are exhausted but sleep deprived with the baby and anxiety. My husband is terrified of what will happen to our family if he is “found guilty,” especially because he is guilty. We both are. We should have noticed. I hate myself.
| 1 |
Every time I look at Old Sparky the electric chair I can physically feel sensations similar to an electrical current in my vagina and ovaries and I love it. Looking at electric chairs is literally porn to me.
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I've loved electric chairs since I was little but I especially love Old Sparky of Sing Sing Prison because of his rich history and also from the fact that he was the first proper electric chair to be used! He was responsible for the electrocution of the Rosenbergs, Ruth Snyder, the Lonely Hearts killers, and many more! He electrocuted over six hundred criminals in his seventy year long career.
I love how Old Sparky looks. I think he looks adorable! I love the rubber backrest, which is studded with brass pins and has this nice gooseneck texture to it. I'd love to give that backrest a sniff! I bet it really smells! I love the load bearing structure connecting the seat to the ankle restraint portion which is strangely hourglass shaped, I love the crank handle at the top of the chair which was used to move the backrest forward and hold it in that position, I think the crank handle almost looks like a cute little hairdo or alien antennae or something! I love how his little back legs taper slightly at the ends, it makes him almost look like he's on his tippy toes!
Whenever I look at him (the scene of the Isaacsons being executed for espionage in the movie Daniel had the actual Old Sparky cast to play as himself! Lots of good close ups and noises in that scene!) I feel my vagina tingling and I get this electric shock kinda sensation that courses its way all up to my bladder! I can feel a sensation similar to butterflies in my stomach in my ovaries, and it's almost as if Old Sparky himself is applying a small current into me beyond the ether because he knows that I love him!
| 0 |
I’m nearly 40 and I’ve never been catcalled, until tonight!
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Just venting because people suck.
Was walking tonight with my two kids to a nearby playground when a dude in a truck passing by shouted, ‘lose some weight!’
Now this isn’t news to me, hence the walking, but damn. People.
| 4 |
emotionally exhausted - emotionally abusive relationship
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I am so tired, I am so tired of loving someone who has no interest in loving me back, so tired of being with someone who keeps putting as zero and keeps showing me down while I keep loving them. I am so tired of feeling used and unappreciated like I am always the second priority and I dont deserve better. like my feeling dont matter and I hate that I am not strong enough to leave this person who keeps bringing me so much pain and treats me like shit . I am so exhausted. it is so hard to love someone so much that you keep burning yourself to love them. its hard when you are the only person in love and you know the other person does not love yyou and just keeps hanging you by the thread giving you enough to hang on but never let go . it hurts when you are never their first priority and no feeling of yours is given any priority . it hurts when you are the only person in love and they keep taking advantage of it consistently . so fuck you . fuck you for hurting me . fuck you for constantly making me feel unloved and under appreciated like I am never good enough for you. fuck you for gaslighting me . fuck you for always leaving me alone when I needed you. fuck you for choosing other girls over me and trying to convince me I am crazy for being hurt. fuck you for ussing silent treatment to get your way. fuck you for using my love . fuck you for not leaving me and taking advantage of my love. fuck you for making me go to sleep every night with tears and feeling not good enough when all I tried was to love you . fuck you for never caring for someone who keeps loving you through everything . FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU. I hate myself for loving you so much. I hate myself for caring about you so much and I hate that even after you have put me through hell I still crave for your attention and validation and love . i hate myself for letting you treat me like this .
​
God please put an end to my suffering . it hurts to wake up every day. I have zero appetite. you took a happy girl and turned her into a insecure mess . if you are real god, why would you put me through this /.
| 2 |
I found out information about my employer and I don't think I can go back to work
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\*TW SA
Recently, I started a new job at a retirement home of sorts for older men who were a part of a certain religious group. I don't want to give any details as it could get me in trouble. When I started, one of my best friends kind of jokingly asked if I was concerned if any of the members there had a history of sexual abuse as it has came out in the news a while ago that this specific religion/ denomination had higher levels of that kind of thing. I kind of just shrugged it off saying that I purposefully wasn't going to look into it so I could stay impartial and do my job.
When I was at work today, I started chatting with one of my coworkers about how nice one of the men were as I was just having a pleasant conversation joking and laughing with him. After a brief conversation about him, she steered the conversation into another direction, telling me that there were several men there that had abused people while they were not retired. She heavily implied this one guy was one of them and that all of the information was easily searchable. I got very stressed as I now knew that there were for certain people there who had perpetrated that kind of crime and I myself have been a victim. I told her I didn't want her to tell me who as I would not be able to stay impartial and deliver the care I needed to in my position. That lasted for about 30 minutes. I then decided that I needed to look. I knew I was going to spend the rest of my time there subconsciously trying to figure out who was a predator, which would only compromise my ability to do my job more.
It was worse than I thought. Not only was that one dude on the list, but there were a few others on the list as well with one of them having an alarming number of victims. I had been joking around, smiling, and creating friendships with these men. I felt absolutely sick to my stomach and I could feel myself starting to cry. The more I read, the worse it got. Apparently the organization knew and did nothing for a period of time and then paid a hefty settlement. Yes, at least some of the victims were minors if not all. I cannot believe that these are the people I work for.
I am beyond upset and am now thinking that I need to quit my job. I literally just started there so I feel terrible leaving, but I just know that I won't be able to do it. I would be having mental breakdowns at my place of employment if I decided to continue. I just don't know what to do because if I do choose to leave, I will be out of a job and will have to start searching again while not having the security of a job. Part of me wants to work while I am looking for another job, but I honestly don't think I could do it as just finding out the information without the individuals being in the room made me break down in tears. I am now laying awake as I can't sleep. I have a couple days before I have to go back in so I am just trying to figure out what I want to do.
| 1 |
Stay on your meds
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What is wrong with people. I'm, one last time. This place is not real. Anyone can write anything. If that's how it is then I'm definitely closing all accounts and leaving this place. Stop projecting your sh*t on me. You can help and be there for people just don't expect them to be nice. Hurt again.
| 1 |
My Ex's BF Made Demands and Threats and Called *Me* Manipulative
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I'm a divorced man. Father of two. My ex-wife lives in another part of the country and has a new boyfriend. My kids call him Daddy. It's fucking awful. Anyway. I get the kids a little less than two months out of the year during the summer.
Today I was sitting playing with the kids and got a text from my ex saying she wants the kids home a week before the date we previously agreed upon. I asked if there was a reason, and she tried to come up with some lie that she wasn't gonna be able to get the time off work to go and pick them up, even though we agreed upon the date we did because it was under the pretense that she would already be in the area that day. So I pointed out to her that she already said she'd be there, and she said she'd just send her mom nbd.
Then about an hour or so later I get a message on FB messenger from her boyfriend, essentially *demanding* I either bring the kids home a week early or drive the extra 6.5 hours from the airport to her parents' house. It was either of those options or he said he would contact Child Protective Services to come pick them up. Then he continued by saying I would not manipulate (ex) anymore, and saying half his family is lawyers so he won't lose (lose what?).
Here's the thing, dude. Just because your family members studied law doesn't mean you know Jack shit about it. Just because you have lawyers in your family doesn't give you the right to harass or threaten the biological father of your stepchildren.
And what would this imaginary call to CPS be for? Especially when it's coming from the ones who put the 4 year old in time out just so he'll sit still for them to beat him and scream at him.
I may not be the greatest parent in the world but I don't hit my kids. At all, let alone as much as *they* do. I feed them healthy food when they're hungry. I give them milk and juice and water and I play with them and take them to parks and watch movies with them and my oldest and I are working on a comic book together. Their mother just screams and curses at them (not just in front of them, and not just little words like crap or ass - multiple times she has been overheard telling them to shut the fuck up...they're 4 and 6) and hits them hard enough to leave bruises.
So, I know people are gonna ask why I don't take the bullet and call CPS myself... truth is I'm scared to do that. I'm worried that the ex's family or her current boyfriend will try something to get my kids taken from me forever. I only get less than 2 months with them as it is, and have to still pay child support to their mom even when they're not with her. I'm scared they're gonna manipulate my kids into thinking their real dad is a bad person. I'm scared my boys will lose respect for me.
I'm not even mentioning the multiple times she tried to kill me during our almost-ten-year relationship. How emotionally abusive she was. How many bruises I had when I came home to my mom. I don't give a fuck anymore what she did to me, that's for my therapist to help me cope with. But here she's fucking with my children.
But *I'm* the manipulative one, right stepdad?
| 1 |
Manipulated by my former teacher when all I wanted was recognition and love.
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I’m 24m, It’s been 10 years now but at the time I was a sophomore and only 15 years old. I still only had a few friends, and I still struggled with getting a girlfriend in the same grade as me, my history teacher just started working at my school and she was 28 years old, and the minute she stepped foot in my school I had a big crush on her along with the other kids who had a crush on her as well, and I used to overhear other kids talk about her in a sexual matter, but I had a really big crush on her, and I would get overly excited every time she would smile at me, and every time she would give me compliments on my good work that I put in and I felt really excited when she would touch my shoulder and whenever she would tell me that if I ever need anything, she’s there for me…
but I still had a crush on this cheerleader I was trying to score with since my freshman year so when I tried to ask her out the second week of being in school for my sophomore year, she rejected me in front of everyone and turns out that she already had a boyfriend and of course, when her boyfriend didn’t take kindly to me asking her out he tried to fight me but she stopped him and then he threatened to harm me if I ever tried to talk to her again. I felt embarrassed and sad, and at that point I just accepted that I was just a nerd who just wasn’t gonna amount to getting a good looking girl so that’s when I focused more on my crush with my history teacher and she noticed how unrecognizable I was and she already knew that none of the girls in my high school were willing to give me a shot so one day my teacher called me in her class and we had a talk and she told me that any girl should be lucky to go out with me since I am intelligent and since I’m smart and kind and that’s why my teacher suggested that she take my virginity out of pity for me me although she was hesitant at first and she begged me not to ever tell anyone out of fear that she would lose her job and possibly go to jail for statutory rape, so I kept it a secret since I was so desperate to have someone I obliged… it went on for almost a year. My teacher was buying me food, CDs, DVDs, and video games…
I fell in love with her, and she made promises to me such as she was going to marry me after I turn 18 and after she divorces her husband and I had my hopes up until one day, she realized how wrong it was an expressed immediate regret towards me and told me that we needed to stop this, and I didn’t want to. I was more heartbroken than ever because at that point my hope for finding love had gone up in smoke, I hugged my teacher begging her not to leave me, but she pushed my arms off of her and then I saw tears coming out of her eyes and then she apologized to me and told me that she was sorry for all she’s done to me and she said that this has to stop. She says that she decided that she no longer wants to work as a teacher because of shame she felt and that’s when she told me she was moving out of state and she says that she will no longer be teaching, and she wished me well and that was the last time I saw her… I forgave my teacher, but to this day I still have mixed emotions about what happened to me. Sometimes I feel proud and sometimes I feel traumatized because I was so young at the time I didn’t have the right mentality.
| 1 |
I hate myself because of my bad teeth
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Okay, to start off my teeth have always been on the weaker side. Even my baby teeth had problems, but that's besides the current point. I'm now 19, and my teeth are not great to put it lightly. I have 4 caps on my top molars, and my bottom molars have fillings. Visibly my smile is probably fine to others, but I notice every little problem and I hyperfocus on it. I know I have more work to be done to fix my smile, but every day I just get more and more discouraged. The reason my teeth are so bad is because I neglected my oral health for a long time. I have problems with mental health, so for a while I put brushing and flossing on the back burner. My depression and anxiety also caused a lack of motivation, so my diet was bad which made the tooth problem even worse. I was putting all my energy into passing my college classes (bio major) and put no energy towards caring for my teeth. I'm now brushing 2-3 times a day, floss daily, drink less sugary drinks, and use a fluoride rinse. I've kept up this habit for a while now, so I am proud of myself there I guess.
I'm in the long process of trying to fix the damage I've done, but instead of being happy that I'm trying I just feel more and more ashamed of myself that I let it get this far. I feel like a failure. I can't look at myself without staring at my teeth and telling myself how awful I am. It's gotten so bad that I'm having panic attacks after brushing my teeth. I'm having suicidal thoughts over how gross my smile is and I just can't get over it. My dentist is treating me well, and never made me feel bad about my teeth. My mom has been nothing but supportive, so why do I hate myself so much? I feel so alone. If I wasn't so lazy before, I wouldn't have this stupid set of teeth. I just want to be able to look at myself again without seeing a walking failure of a human being.
| 1 |
i’m stuck in limbo
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I cant sleep right now and i’m thinking about how i could’ve spent my time better this evening, which is something i do a lot. i’m not spending my life how i want to but i don’t even know how i want to spend it. i don’t know myself at all; i have no hobbies except smoking weed ( not a hobby tbh) and working (also not a hobby tbh). i cant seem to grow at all and i feel like i’m constantly scraping the bowl, and not able to balance my life at all. i feel really sad but also happy, i feel like i have no purpose really, no calling, no interests, no deep relationships with anyone, no future. i feel like i’m stuck in a limbo and i can’t get out. i want therapy so bad but i’m struggling to find it. i just felt like getting it off my chest tonight.
| 1 |
I relapsed with my eating disorder and I haven’t told anyone in my irl life
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When I was 13 I was diagnosed with anorexia, I spent 15-18 in different eating disorder units and programs. It took a massive toll on my health, at 15 I had to get weekly EKG test done and blood tests done twice a week. I was pretty stable in my recovery till 19. I had noticed I put on a good bit of weight due to daily drinking after loosing my mom. I was at 138lbs which isn’t over weight for my height but it’s definitely bigger side of a healthy weight for my height. I decided to loose weight because the extra pounds made it harder for me to do some physical activity’s I enjoyed prior to the weight gain. But I found my self falling into the slippery slope that is my eating disorder. I hit 125 and that wasn’t good enough. Neither was, 120, or 115, or 110, and now I’m 98 pounds. It’s not massively underweight for my height (I’m on the shorter side) but it’s a good 10 lbs under weight and I’m starting to feel the health issues I haven’t felt in years. Hair thinning, light periods, emotional, depressed, etc. I’m scared because I’m unsure if my body can go through this agian. I don’t know if I can go through the heart issues, bad lab results, etc agian. I barley made it out the first time. Yet I’m to embarrassed to tell the full extent of my relapse to my boyfriend, family, even therapist. I feel guilty about it. Being in my 20s now and no longer a tween/teen there is apart of me who is mature enough to know how silly my ED is. That no adult my age should be in the 90s wearing kids clothes cuz nothing else fits. But I still have the disorderd part of my brain who can’t help it. At this point in my life I’m so embarrassed to be still dealing with this I just can’t see my self reaching out for help agian
| 4 |
Ah just my silly lil ramblings
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Fuck school, Fuck friends, Fuck family, Fuck him, Fuck everything. I don't fucking care I'm just gonna fuck it all and take some time away from everything. Just chill out until I have to deal with this fucking hell of my life on monday. Because I can't be bothered to actually put in enough to stuff when all they do is make things worse, or not worse, I don't hate them, I love them. fuck. I love them. Shit.
| 1 |
Yesterday happend too much
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I just woke up but I still got all my memories from yesterday. I cried too much while puking, because I drank too much. Even the poor ambulance had to come because I had a panic attack, puked too much and man idk. I traumatised my friends and family who were there trying to help me, because I showed how I really felt inside, mental. And I even wonder why I woke up with no underwear and pants
| 2 |
I (m24) want to ask my girlfriend (f25) to shave her pubes, but I do not know how to tell her.
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I (m24) and my girlfriend (f25) are both relatively intimate, and we do not have any problems, outside of that, we are always really vocal with our problems, and we always tell each other everything that is going on between each other, but one thing that I just can’t bring myself to talk to her about, is pubic hair, I understand it is natural, and I would just deal with it, but she normally suggests I shave my hairs, and I comply, but I just feel like I am a douce if I suggests she does the same thing. I would like to add I have no problem with hairs anywhere else around her body, since she is a very hygienic person, and I am not disgusted by her pubic hair, but I would just prefer if it were not there, the same way she is with mine. I know this comes out as dumb, but I’m genuinely curious on how to normally talk to her about this since I do not want it coming off as I am disgusted by her body in anyway shape or form, thank you for anything advice or input in this.
| 2 |
This is my ideal type:
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Looks:
Tall brunette
Personality:
Calm and serious
----
Wants:
Someone to come home to sleep while hugging and order a pizza occasionally
| 0 |
Why do girls do this?
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This might seem silly but for the bare few who can relate please answer. I’m at the point of life where we feel alone and no one cares (mid 20s existential crisis). So i used to cry a lot especially late at nights even for simple things especially neglect. So i have this girl best friend. So we send each other a lot of reels. But she has this habit where she won’t she the ones i send her or see my messages for days. Note she is not busy cause she is online all the time and even send back reels but doesn’t see/reply to mine. Is this some kinda flaunt? Or do people do this for attention? I don’t understand the thought process. She has time to watch the stories and send reels but no time to reply to mine? It’s kinda getting to the point where i feel like I’m losing self respect and this friendship feels toxic i just wanna leave. Lemme know if it’s just her or do people do this generally? Id yes what is your thought process behind it. Help me understand.
P.S i have another close friend who is a girl who does the same.
| 1 |
(f29) virgin I let my new boyfriend lick my vagina
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I recently moved back to mumbai, India after 3 months and straight away proposed my well wisher, my boyfriend and what not, he has done everything for me over last two years, even saved my life twice.
2 days into moving to mumbai (I moved in to his home only). he came home from work and I was waiting for him to talk to me, he was still upset about the things that happened in past, he didnt talk to me and straight away went for shower. I knocked on door asked him to open he peeped through door and asked me what happened with a smile, I smiled back and said I Love you. he gave a smirk and without saying closed the door. I knocked again and said aint you gonna respond? he yelled no. i waited outside for him, the moment he opened the door and I got on knees and said I love you, please marry me. he pulled me up we hugged and had some discussion. i asked him how will I prove him that I love him? he didnt said anything he just laid next to me. couple of minutes later he said good night and prompted to go to his bedroom. I pulled him back on bed, got on top of him, pinning his hands and kissed him( this was the first time i kissed him, i never felt anything like this) we were making out in no time. i pulled his hand off my back and led him inside my legging. it took us few minutes to get comfortable with each other but I couldnt stop there. I took off my leggings and pulled him by hair and he didnt disappoint me. This was the first time somebody had touched me down there and Oh god I think I really love him. I should tell him I love him more often then writing just a stupid post
| 29 |
Idk how to date
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I (F 27) was in a long term relationship for 9 years. It’s been a year since we decided to end things. I’ve been taking this time to heal, make new friends, find new hobbies, focus on my future and work on myself. Even though I’m doing ok it does get lonely from time to time but I was ok with it because I knew I had to heal first. Even though I know I’m not fully healed yet, I do feel like I might be ready to the idea to start dating or at least meet new people with the potential of developing a romantic interest. Even tho I’ve been opening myself up more to the idea of dating, I haven’t really found someone that has really caught my attention. I do find some men attractive, but it usually fades after talking for a while and we never get into the dating part. I did go out with one person two months ago to get to know each other better and it went well but he had to move away so it didn’t work out at the end. The problem is that in the past few months I’ve been getting more attention that I’m used to from men and it’s getting really overwhelming for me. For example, a few days ago a friend of a friend (who I’ve only met once) contacted me with the excuse of getting help for something related to my job and I replied happily that I could help him but after talking for a while he confessed he just wanted to invite me out to get to know me better. That same day my next door neighbor (who has been living there for like a year) asked me for my number. He was asking about the complex so I assumed nothing of it and just gave it to him and since then he has been writing to me constantly in a way that one can tell he’s got other intentions. Also another guy who’s visiting my city wrote to me to invite me out. All these event happened in the same day and other men had made approaches but there’s something about all of this happening in a close range of time that made me feel really overwhelmed. I thought that I was ready to start getting on my feet again but Idk I guess I’m not used to this.
| 3 |
I wanna try to have one night stands and orgies but I also want a serious relationship
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I hear from my friends all the time about their one night stands and crazy sex adventures and it's made me curious but at the same time I know if I try to do those things I wouldn't enjoy it as I am kind of a hopeless romantic kinda guy you can say where I wanna date the person get to know them and know what they like and dislike before actually doing it. I don't know why I wanna do it even though I know I won't enjoy It
| 1 |
I was having a breakdown here is my writing (16-17)
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I feel like I’m hiding the truth from everyone. Like I’m keeping a huge secret from everyone. That I’m a monster that just uses people and takes what I want from them until I don’t need them. Like a thief of their time, love, affection, and attention. A wicked witch that has put a spell on everyone. That I’m just a liar that doesn’t really believe in anything unless it benefits me. I feel like everyone would be better off without me annoying them 24/7 and would be happier without me in their life. One day they will realize that I was a monster and that it’s ok that I’m not there. I know realistically nothing I just said in that last sentence or two is right, quite the opposite but there is a part of me that still thinks this. I’m finding it hard to live like this. My room a mess not going anywhere having people to talk to and go places with but still not taking the chance. Always making excuses but when I want to hang out no one “shockingly” is able to. I hate this. I hate the way I’m falling down a deeper and deeper pit. But I can’t seem to stop.
Thanks for reading I’m very depressed rn and this is how I am choosing to regulate my feelings. Talking to the internet maybe idk I might leave this in the notes app. Writing has always been one of those things a love and hate. Hate because of school. Love because I get to write everything that goes on in my brain anyways again thanks for reading bye bye 👋🏻
P.s sorry for any typos I suck at typing
| 1 |
I finally mustered up the courage to look up my dad online.
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I’ve never been in contact with my biological father, never have really wanted to. But I got curious. My mom never really talked about him, but I was able to take a peek at my birth certificate since she wasn’t home.
I regret it. A lot. He’s a registered sex offender, of a minor. I don’t know what to do with myself. I saw the mugshot, didn’t believe it was him for a second. I realized I looked a lot like him. I feel disgusting.
I have his last name. I’ve never felt more like a burden in my life.
I don’t know what to do.
| 2 |
i think i fucked up
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hi reddit
its 3 am and i just got home. i took my makeup off and im about to go to sleep but i cant cuz i got waaay too drunk tn and i kissed my best friend and now i just feel terrible and just absolutely horrible i feel terrible.
i’m pretty sure he’s asleep rn but i genuinely feel like we fucked up.
for reference we’re both 19 and he’s taking summer courses at my university. i met him through my other best friend.
someone please comfort me and tell me that this is okay and that i didn’t just fuck up my entire social life.
thanks 😭
| 1 |
My girlfriend got a job and it makes me feel shit
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My(15M) girlfriend (15F) got a job where she works from 9 to 5 and she is only able to talk like 30 minutes until 5 and it makes me feel alone.I dont know what to do because I dont want to be unsupportive, toxic or anything like that.Until now she was always available but now that she has a job I feel like I am the second priority and probably I am only being insecure but I dont really know what to do. I don't want to talk to her because I would upset her and make her feel guilty. Please give me some suggestions.
| 1 |
I saw my dad's vehicle parked in the local mechanic's lot.
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Hubby and I had his grandma over to spend time together. She doesn't drive anymore so we had to drive her back home. No big deal, she's a sweetheart.
On the drive back home I saw dad's vehicle parked in the local mechanic's lot. I knew it was his immediately; it's a very distinctive deep purple. Most people think it's a black SUV but it sparkles in the sun. Even with the Masonic stickers scraped off and the plates missing, I knew it was his.
I promptly lost it. Dad died the day before Father's day, and I disowned mom days before the burial. I went NC with her, which was even easier when she terminated the phone plan and I was forced to get a new number.
She sold his fucking vehicle to the mechanic, to be sold to... Whoever else. I know I can't afford whatever they're asking for it. And I don't need a third vehicle. Still. It's taking everything in my power not to call and inquire about it.
God damn her.
| 0 |
Want to end my life
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I feel like I'm done emotionally, physically and mentally. Shifted to Mumbai last year, job is going to shit, don't have any friends, don't talk a lot to my flatmate either. Brother is going through a mental condition and he just gets very hyper very soon. He had tried to kill me at multiple occasions, now he is saying he will file a false sexual harassment case against me. I feel like not going back home ever again. I meet my guy once in a month and rest of the time it's so empty, I keep asking myself if we are wasting time. I've had anxiety and overthinking issues in the past and I feel like the anxiety attacks are back. No matter how positive I want to be, I always keep having thoughts about dying.
| 2 |
JUST GET A DIVORCE ALREADY
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EVERY DAY IT IS ANOTHER POINTLESS ARGUMENT ABOUT SOME DUMB DIFFERENCE YOU GUYS HAVE AND I AM SICK OF ALL THE YELLING!!!! YOU ARE NOT DOING YOUR KIDS A DISSERVICE BY GETTING A DIVORCE. YOU TWO ARE AMAZING PARENTS BUT TERRIBLE LOVERS. YOU HAVE A SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD SON AND TWELVE YEAR OLD DAUGHTERS WHO HATE SEEING YOU GUYS SO UNHAPPY. PLEASE SEPARATE. WE WILL NOT LOOK AT YOU GUYS ANY DIFFERENT. WE ARE LUCKY TO HAVE A MOTHER HAS CARING AS YOU AND FATHER AS INTELLIGENT AS YOU BUT PLEASE STOP YELLING AND ARGUING AND FAKE MAKING UP TO “PROTECT YOUR KIDS”. I DO NOT LIKE HEARING PEOPLE YELL AT EACH OTHER!!!! BOTH OF YOU DESERVE ENDLESS AMOUNTS OF HAPPINESS AND YOU ARE CONTINUING TO HURT EACH OTHER BY NOT SPLITTING THE FUCK UP!!!!
I know getting a divorce is difficult and there is a stigma about people who get a divorce but for the health and peace of both of you please make the right decision. All three of us love both of you so much and we want to spend time together without the feeling of tension in the air. I hate seeing my parents sleep in separate rooms and watching them fall further out of love. It breaks my heart and I want both of you to find peace so bad. It hurts to see both of you cry after saying something mean because it is obvious you both still care about each other but people care about one another without the existence of love between them. Splitting up and remaining respectful of one another is the best idea but I know how difficult it is to accept that outcome. I do not know what each of you are feeling but please know that I love both of you and all three of your children want to see you guys come to an agreement about your future. Please make the right decision.
| 2 |
My thesis partners are such a drag
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I'm an undergrad in my late 2nd year. I'm taking civil engineering and I have a thesis that is ongoing. We are three in this thesis group and they are only doing the bare minimum effort for our research. They have done their work but it is always not complete. For the review of related literature, they have ONLY read 3-4 studies about our topic. I'm racking my brain trying to find studies related to our study and find viable studies that could guide us. It's stressful to be the only one trying to see if our thesis is viable.
| 1 |
Is their a Reddit for less significant stories?
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I’m an under 18 M with nothing life changing going on but I think a place to get my feelings out and talk/write about my life would be helpful. As well as feedback from the rest of Reddit. Just feels strange talking relatively insignificant shit on this sub.
| 3 |
I don't read any letters
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If you have left any letters and such on here. I can guarantee you I didn't. I don't read those. Readihg them have caused me a lot of distress. So i pass them by. It's better for mental health
| 1 |
I’m so tired of being in love with someone who doesn’t fucking love me back
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I’ve been inlove with my guy bestfriend for over a year. I fucking dream about him. I cannot stop myself from smiling and giggling when we text and I literally would give up anything in my life to be with him…one night we were drinking together and I told him jokingly that I’d be on my knees every second of the day if he was my man and it kind of escalated and we kissed but that was it. Since then it’s been awkward and he’s been distant.
We’ve been friends for almost three years we met through mutual friends but we live on the same street and every fucking day I look for his truck and I’m almost certain he has a girlfriend because he brings a girl home from work practically every day but he’s never outright told me they’re together.
My heart legit can’t handle it anymore. It hurts so fucking bad to want someone who doesn’t want you in the same way.
| 5 |
I saw my boyfriend have a seizure for the first time today
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My boyfriend has epilepsy and tonight he had a seizure next to me for the first time since we've been dating.
We've been dating for a little over a year and it's something we've always discussed but it havent happened yet. It was under control for over 3 years so it was really shocking when it happened. We have a really playful relationship so when it started happening I thought he was just playing around until I knew he wasn't and now I feel like crap 😔. I used to be an EMT so siezures itself aren't shocking, but the way his face looked while siezing was traumatic to me and it's all I can picture now.
Thankfully it was a really short one and he's ok. I'm sitting close to him as he sleeps and all I wanna do is cry because I feel awful because he was so happy that it's been so long without a seizure and now that's been ripped away from him. Life is going to be super rough for him for a bit because now he cannot drive until he's seizure free for 6 months.
Life will be hard for me now as well because I will be worried if I don't hear back from him, and I'll be worried about all types of things triggering a seizure.
I'm hoping I can find some healthy way to cope so I don't have to think about him seizing.
| 2 |
Sometimes I just want to be told I’m loved when things aren’t perfect between us. It hurts to say it and not hear it back.
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Just the title.
| 1 |
I broke it off with someone toxic and I feel absolutely horrible.
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I won't be adding any personal details as to not trace this post back to the person this post is about. I just recently broke it off with someone who I've been on and off since last year. I'll call them A. A met with me last year around Halloween and we hit it off almost immediately. I actually really loved them. I thought that they were really cool because we had most of the same interests, but on my new years party and my birthday for this year A went into my kitchen and tried to self harm with a very sharp kitchen knife. A also was very unstable mentally and said they were schizophrenic. We are both pretty young. (I won't say how young) but to generalize, we both still live with our family. My mother called A's grandmother and their grandmother confirmed A never had any mental illness diagnosis or even asked to be diagnosed. A would give me severe panic attacks almost every day and then would pout or threaten to kill themselves if I wouldn't call if they wanted to call. They would also get very angry and use a clearly angry tone when I would spend all day on the phone with them then tell them I was tired. Right before I permanently cut it off they said, "I just want to talk to you more." We started calling at 8 am that day and stopped at about 7 am the next day. I felt trapped. The first time we broke up was because an old friend of mine, I'll call them V, was terrified and started crying as soon as A left the party we were at the next morning. V said that, "They're just fucking scary dude." Then my mom who set up the party, told me that I have to get out of contact with A. A had tried to harm themselves at this party and took a joke way to far with their self diagnosed schizophrenia. We were "hunting ghosts in the house." A silly little joke because a guy died in our house and A kept saying that quote, The ghosts are telling me to kill myself. I had a panic attack that night. When they left I blocked them out of nowhere. A few months later I unblocked them and said "Hey, I'm super sorry. I honestly feel extremely bad for blocking you out of nowhere. I hope you can forgive me." Then I got a little worried when they weren't texting me back on snap, (Our primary contact source) so I texted them on TikTok and she said "omg im so happy to see you texting me again!!!!!!! I'm so happy right now!!" About a day after we got back in contact they asked me if we could get back together and I said sure. We were supposed to see each other during summer break but my flight got cancelled because of the intensely bad smoke coming from Canada. We were supposed to go to Chicago so obviously the air quality would be worse there than where I live. They then texted me and said that, "I'm going to kill myself because you can't come." I had such a bad panic attack I could barely hold my phone steady. After they calmed down I said "I can't do this." And I blocked them. I haven't had such a horrible panic attack since about a year ago when an ex boyfriend of my mother's left and threatened to lock me and my mother in the basement and light the house on fire. He's out now and we're ok. The last time that I unblocked them was about two days ago. We rushed into a relationship again and then A begin becoming just a complete bummer to be around. All they would talk about was schizophrenia, eating disorders, self harm, and suicide. Today, I talked to them and I said "listen. I know this is so bad to say for the third time in a row, but I can't do this. You give me severe panic attacks and I can't be around you for my own health." A then started begging me to not do this to them. That's when I sent the last part of the message, "I can't be around you for my own health." Then blocked them on TikTok, snapchat and Twitter. All I'm thinking about now is the last tweet I read before I blocked them. "I'm thinking of doing it." So all I'm really wondering is if I'm in the wrong for blocking them all those times. I feel like literal crap for doing this. I do feel a lot better mentally but I'm scared for them. I really just needed to vent. I feel so wrong for blocking them. They're in such a bad mental state and I don't want to hurt anyone.
| 0 |
TRIGGER WARNING: sexual trauma discussion
|
Hi, i'm sorry this will be long but im really confused and need someones thoughts. i dont feel like I can talk to anyone irl about this. so I just got out of a toxic relationship, and im really confused because I cant tell if my experience is something to be considered sexual trauma. he never went against my consent but sometimes i think he really wanted to. before this relationship, I considered myself asexual and ive honestly been scared of anything sexual my entire life. when I got with him, i knew he liked it so i really wanted to experiment, but we agreed to go at my pace since i was new and uncomfortable with it. over time he started to do things that upset me. I cried multiple times because he would make me feel bad for having a quick reflex to pull away at a new feeling or for saying i dont want to be touched. He would sometimes in the randomly in the car or in private quickly reach over and touch me and i didnt like it but i was scared to react because he would pull the betrayed or upset card. i felt like there were many times where i had to say stop multiple times and i felt like he was always pushing the limit of how long he could go before i actually got upset. sometimes he would beg me to keep doing something i was always clearly uncomfortable with, and i feel like he'd push until i agreed to go a bit longer and sometimes he'd even try to move my head or body to do what he wanted. i know he technically never went against my consent. I struggle with confrontation and i often found myself sitting back and saying nothing to avoid argument or hearing him ask "why" or say "its just me". I find myself continuing to fear future sexual conversations or acts in my future relationships. I just want to know if i'm overreacting based on my experience.
| 2 |
I can’t move on
|
Hi everyone,
It’s been 2 years since I graduated from college but the problem was that I never had my final year in college due to covid and I felt terrible that I could not “live my final year” of college life. I tried to repress it as much as I could and I got a new job after that and I could not make so much friends at work because obiv no one cares about you post 9am-5pm and even after 2 years when I see any post or anything related to college from my juniors or anything for that all hells break lose in my brain and I start to feel extremely sad and I am unable to move on from my college life
I miss every aspect of it
The good, the bad and all of it
I don’t have fun anymore, I feel that I have taken few steps back in terms of personal development progress I made in college
I don’t have so much friends anymore and I’m afraid of doing anything anymore
Is there anything I can do to make myself better and help move on from college
| 0 |
Must be nice to have a big narcissistic ego and think your the hottest thing alive. Like you can do and get whatever you want. What if life taught you that you wasn't God's gift to women and that you couldn't buy what you want. How would it feel for someone to tell you
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"Your just mad because I don't want you"! Keep playing with people's emotions and watch how yours get played.
| 0 |
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