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Dealing with sudden bursts of emptiness
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I have this problem that i cant seem to figure out . I keep having this bursts of emptiness, where i feel ... nothing , especially when my plans fail. How do i work this out?
| 1 |
I don’t know what I live for
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I asked myself what is a purpose of my life, what I want to do in the future and I don’t have answers for that.
Sometimes I think that it’s easier to end my life but maybe I’m too scared of it.
But recently I’ve found very interesting kdramas which should have season 2 in the future so I decided that I would live to have a chance to see it. And it became my aim of life.
Maybe it sounds ridiculous but it helps me a little not to feel bad and to live on.
| 3 |
how do i stop doing things for the memes
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im serious, i need to stop doing things, "For the memes" i dont even know what this means. id ruin my entire day or a good friendship "for the memes" and i cant stop
| 1 |
Not giving up and staying positive when life tells you other wise.
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How do you stay positive when life gives you lemons? Sometimes I feel I put in so much effort and no one ever recognises me or praises me. I seem to get noticed when I do something wrong though. I feel like I work and work and work and get nothing in return. Nothing I do goes smoothly. Do I have to be the one that finds the positives?
| 2 |
Struggling with what to do with my life, contemplating switching majors entirely
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Last year was my first year of uni. I had to drop out a month into the first semester because of my mental health, and I failed the second semester. (I did try my best to attend classes, but it's difficult with unmanaged mental health issues and ADHD.) At first I was planning on majoring in Math Education to become a teacher, but then decided to switch to journalism because I like to write, and now I'm wondering if journalism is what I want to do as a career for the rest of my life. I enjoy writing, I enjoy politics, but I'm not sure it's the direction I want to go anymore.
I've been thinking more and more about how I want to do something with my hands or in politics. The most fulfilling job I've had so far was political canvassing. It was difficult (walking outside in 100+ degree weather every day) but I truly have never felt like I've done better work. The thing is, a political science degree is kind of useless nowadays from what I've heard, and I don't want to work in government.
My university does offer a Construction Management degree program, which might be more of something I would be interested in because I do like working with my hands and working in teams and all that, but I'm not sure if it would be a good thing to major in. It's a useful degree, but I'm still hesitant.
I want to be able to contribute something to society, but at the same time I have a really hard time motivating myself to do things, and I'm not sure if motivation is my problem or if it's my choice of major.
Any advice is welcome. I know it's pretty normal to switch majors several times, but I'd still like some input.
| 10 |
Started spending more time outside
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For the past four years I’ve spent every day inside, only going out for work or if absolutely necessary. Decided I had enough and went on a 4 mile hike on Friday. Definitely took a lot of work to do considering I’m overweight and haven’t been that active but I’m gonna keep hiking at least two days a week and push myself further
| 37 |
How do I pursue my goals (20M)
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So im a 20 year old High school graduate. I had cancer during my schooling so I missed alot and basically my graduating GPA is horrible, and I have to apparently go to community college and make up a few credits before any universities or whatever. I never did anything special, was the most barebones student possible, and never knew what I wanted to do in life. Even now the only things im passionate about is coming up with story ideas, or the possibility of directing big movies. Other than that the only thing that interests me is working as someone in the medical field, like something cool like a surgeon or doctor. I don't know much and I haven't gone to college yet (graduated in 2022). I feel almost stuck like I have no talents or qualifications. Ive been working at food places and stuff to get by with money, and really want to set myself up to relax in the future and be a good dad who sees his family alot. I just dont like...Know.. I dont know what to do. I dont know how to start and I dont know what will give me the most comfortable life in the future. Wether it be making big amazing movies or living in a nice house in a city with a wife n kids, I just dont know where to start. I heard dermatologists make a ton of money and its not as stressful as other parts so that interests me but im really just looking for life advice here. Thanks to anyone who offeres input :)
| 1 |
Book recommendations
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I'm looking for new books for important. Do u guys have any in particular that u liked?
Ps: I also have a problem with keeping my apartment and life in general organized. If there are book with the theme pppplss tell me about them :v
| 2 |
I acknowledge that I’m emotionally abusive. What can I do to fix myself?
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I’ve been with my husband for 11 years (7 years dating, 4 years married). We’ve had a lot of fights and conflict, mostly centered around my jealousy/possessiveness and my fear of being cheated on. I also would get very upset and I took it very personally if he wanted to spend time alone. However, after we would fight about it, he would back down and we’d get over it quickly. Later on I’d ask him how he got over things so quickly, and he would tell me he would just not think about it or dwell on it because that’s how he was raised. He said his parents taught him to not be so sad about everything and to just get over issues quickly by brushing it off. Recently, these issues have been bubbling inside him and he’s going through a tough time mentally and he’s attributing it to his upbringing and also our relationship. He told me I was partly to blame for him losing sight of himself. And that was devastating to hear. Since then I’ve been doing a lot of self-reflection and looking at past relationships. That’s when I googled signs of emotional abuse and realized that it described me. I feel sick and disgusted with myself. I want to change. I need to change. For myself. So I’ve recently started seeing a therapist. But is that the only step? Are there any other resources I’m overlooking? I’ve seen things about abuser workshops and stuff like that. Should I be doing that instead of or maybe in conjunction with therapy?
| 185 |
Everyone says I look sad
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Months ago when I was having decent weeks, outside, around people. Until I passed by an old classmate and he said “ you look so depressed” with a laugh. I couldn’t understand why. I was at my healthiest point in 5 years, hitting the gym multiple times weekly, getting more hours at work, eating right. Overall just enjoying life and improving. Then again today. A coworker of mine looked at me with a bit of shock/endearment and signed that I should smile and signed a question of why I’m sad. I didn’t feel sad in that moment. I was just walking around getting my job done. But it was clear, to the hundreds of people around me, that I was not happy.
Because of the life choices I made, and the circumstances around me( bullying, narcissism, self hate from being obese as a kid) I don’t smile. In fact, I am overjoyed by many things but don’t smile at them, I do laugh at funny jokes but it dies down into a “why should I be laughing”.
I tried to figure out why I should be smiling but all I can think about is why I shouldn’t be smiling, or what’s stopping me from being “happy”
Im not at my goal weight yet
Im not getting more hours at work, in fact my hours have recently been cut due to employees lying about me
I don’t have a car yet
I don’t have a girlfriend
I don’t have any close friends around me( all left in home country)
I have chronic pain that I cannot afford to fix yet
I have recent Eustachian tube dysfunction( I can’t hear shit and I’m in pain)
I have no college roadmap ahead of me for a career because I don’t know what to do/ can’t retain information the best rn (adhd).
So I was at work, numbed out by pain, whilst knowing my hours have been cut, not due to performance but simply word of mouth. Lovely.
I am dull person. Im not interesting and I find it hard to take interest in others if nothing sticks out to me. I am boring, I don’t talk much, I like to talk when necessary. I don’t care about the game last night, meet quota, do your job. I only care about what I care about. There’s something about me that makes me so unnoticeable, or am I deluded and people are purposely ignoring me. I think the latter. I’m just a speck background not even an npc I’m the background art of a bad video game level.
There’s nothing about me that makes me feel like I’m someone, and the world around me constantly proves it. From racism to workplace sabotage my life just keeps going down hill. I’m a 19 year old guy.
It’s so hard to smile. I just want to look friendly. Maybe then, people will take interest in me, and by association I’ll have a meaningful life. It’s not nice being alone for so long.
| 3 |
Why can’t I keep a habit
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I have tried so many times to keep a habit. No matter how small or how large, how simple or how complicated (mostly simple), I keep on failing. I’ve tried many different ways to hold myself accountable, by writing down reasons why I want to keep the habit, settings alarms, heck, even writing down my daily improvements on this subreddit. I just can’t find out why I can’t keep a habit. The second I forget about it is most likely the last time I would keep said habit. I feel so annoyed at myself for this. Does anyone have any better ways to keep a habit?
| 7 |
[DISCUSSION] Day 4 of 180 Self Improvement plan
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Today was Sunday. I take classes at my place. Students came at 8o'clock in the morning. I couldn't help myself to get up and teach them effectively. Anyways, it was my mistake that I called them on Sunday morning.
I did complete the chapter that I intended to. After that, i did went to the gym to do some cardio and have a shower.
One thing that I did notice was my sleep pattern is f***** up. If I don't get proper 7 hr night sleep. My day usual go from bad to wrose.
I completed the module 1 of 7 courses in Google Digital Marketing certification.
Started module 2, and I have to say to course is preety good.
I need to work on my sleep cycle. On track on my self improvement journey.
| 6 |
How do you find out what you want? What you’re passionate about? What lights you up?
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I’m in a supposedly 8-hour workday job right now but I work pretty fast and my projects are spread out enough that work ends up taking about for 3-5 hours daily.
I don’t love the job nor hate it, it is what it is? What bothers me is I spend the rest of the time on my phone, watching series or going to the gym… when I have so much free time to do more ~productive~ things that can help me figure out who I am and what I truly want to do.
How do I start figuring out/discovering who I am? I need actionable suggestions— perhaps books, methods or links I can check out.
| 2 |
How can I learn to be humble WITHOUT being self deprecating?
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I’m someone who previously only used “humble” as a deep insult. But I feel pressure to be humble, but whenever I try, it seems like I’m just overperforming as self deprecating and missing the point of what being humble is actually about.
So, how can I be humble and show accountability for my actions without being self deprecating?
Let it be noted I do take accountability for my actions but in a confident way. I would like to knock this down several pegs.
| 5 |
Can a night person really become a morning person?
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I'm trying so hard to be a morning person. To wake up a little earlier on weekdays so I can have breakfast at home instead of the office and have some time for myself before going to work. I'm trying so hard to wake up earlier during the weekend to get things done and have the day to myself. I can never seem to do that. The thought of starting a new day, with all the things I have to do, is exhausting. It's never motivating to get out of bed in the morning. Yet here I am, 3am and I'm wide awake. Every time I try to get up early it works for a couple of days and then I'm back to wanting to be up late at night.
Am I able to save myself from this cycle? Can night owls really become early birds? Or am I wasting my time trying?
| 50 |
I hurt my friend by being pushy and I want to change
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I've recently lost a very close friendship with a woman I cared a lot about because just over a week ago after we were out drinking we went back to hers and I was pushy when we were doing stuff together. I thought we'd resolved the matter at the time but she's since told me that she feels I behaved inappropriately and that we can't be friends anymore because of it. I completely understand and have accepted this and left her alone but I feel awful about because a) I really care about her and b) I've built a lot of my self esteem and self-image around the idea that I'm very conscientious and respectful and considerate when clearly that isn't as true as I'd like to believe.
I'm making this post because I wanted to record publicly that I understand I behaved poorly and need to work on a number of things: my alcohol consumption, my attitudes towards women and sex and my communication skills both verbal and non-verbal (both in terms of understanding other people and communicating my own feelings and desires). I don't intend to excuse my actions or indulge in self pity, merely to learn what blind spots I have that allowed this to occur and to commit to ensuring I never behave like this in future. I acknowledge that I can act pushy and entitled with women, especially when drunk, that this problem is no one's fault but mine and that I alone bear responsibility for addressing it.
| 7 |
To stay relaxed, focused and motivated while studying
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I created "Something else", a playlist with peaceful and poetic soundscapes. The ideal backdrop for concentration and relaxation that help me slow down, relax, and stay focused during my late-night study sessions. Hope this can help you too ! Link in comment
I'm curious to discover yours, feel free to share
H-Music
| 3 |
Day 27 | Month 1 | Year 0
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I shall not give up
Improvement: Studied Japanese
Goals for tomorrow: divide the work I am supposed to do in to parts for the holiday, sing, study Japanese
Goodnight or good whatever time it is for you :|
Post written at 2:50am
| 3 |
I feel like I wasted what was supposed to be the best years of life.
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High school sucked, and college I gained since new experiences, but after switching majors and finally starting to figure out the field I want to get into, I can’t help but feel like a failure compared to my old peers who graduated college this year.
I’m two years late with college and feel like I still haven’t made any close connections aside from people I already knew. I hate comparing myself but it makes me feel like a failure that I’ve got not a great social life, and two years behind my degree. Any advice
| 3 |
How can I stop losing progress in accepting myself?
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I am a guy in my mid-thirties.
I have been suffering from self-esteem issues for more than 10 years and have a timid nature from young.
I tend to feel shy around people in public and people tend to notice my awkward behaviour and mannerisms due to my shyness.
I have been doing some self-help therapy recently and there was a small progress. I was able to kind of start accepting myself and ignore other people's stares at me in public.
But an incident happened a few days ago which kind of affected me.
I was walking along the corridor in my workplace to go for lunch when another fellow employee stopped me. I personally have not seen or interacted with this person before.
He started telling me "Hi, I always see you in office and noticed that you are always very timid and scared. Why is it so?"
I was very shocked and embarrassed when he said that. I used to have this idea that people are not noticing me and that it is my imagination. Now, this person has confirmed my fear.
I tried to manage to smile and told him that I am like that by nature and that I wanted to leave for lunch. The person gave me a sarcastic smile and left.
Here is the thing. From that moment onwards, I started to feel the anxiety once again. I kept worrying that everyone in public are noticing that I am timid and awkward. I felt so shameful and I wished that I could disappear from the spot. It has been three days and I keep feeling the same.
I feel angry with myself for losing my progress and going back to step one. I keep feeling like there is no hope for me.
**How can I regain the progress in accepting myself?**
**How can I overcome the negative comment by that person?**
**Do you think working out in the gym and building up my body (eg. building up bigger biceps) will help to change my timid nature to more confident one?**
Thank you.
| 2 |
Letting go of attachments
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I went through a breakup about 3 months ago (a 2 year relationship) and since then I’ve realised how terrible the entire thing really was. Yes I had some of the best moments of my life with this person, he was my best friend but he also used to lie, went behind my back talking to other women multiple times, used to avoid and give very little attention, saying hurtful things in anger and holding resentment from previous arguments.
My problem is I miss him so terribly every single day. Even as i type right now, i just want to text or call him so bad. Ever since the breakup, I’ve added multiple hobbies back in my life. Journaling, painting, sketching, book reading, walks, workouts, healthy eating, consuming healthy content online. However nothing is helping me let go of attachment. I have realised how bad the relationship was but I cant seem to find it in myself to completely let go and not care for him. He has moved on and is doing fine (I know because I called him last month in hopes of reconciliation) Its so hurtful knowing the relationship meant so little to him that he’s moved on already. Please share tips/ your personal stories about how I can heal and stop missing someone who wasn’t good for me?
| 5 |
How do I overcome the resistance in my head to achieve the thing I actually want to do?
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I don't mean, 'I can't clean my teeth' even though that's a doozie, I can't bring myself to do my passion (X). Can anyone relate to that sentiment or is that a broken me thing?
What happens is I do the classic 'I can't do X because I haven't bought Y yet' then I have a good excuse to not do anything towards X until Y arrives. By which time I've procrastinated onto buying Z. Repeat until dead.
Even after I've bought the whole alphabet there's a part of me that just won't let the rest of me just sit down and get on with the thing I've been thinking about all day.
Its confusing and frustrating me and causing a lot of internal conflict, even if you haven't a solution, but you have something similar going on with your X I would like to hear that.
I'm trying to acknowledge the resistance and try to understand why my brains doing this to me.
| 3 |
I'm never rejoining Facebook and Twitter, but I don't regret joining them.
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So, as the title implies, I am no longer using Facebook (since 2012) and Twitter (since last year). Both sites just feel/felt like huge timesinks, but for entirely different reasons. Facebook I left because of typical small-town drama, and Twitter (which I used primarily to discuss video games) I left because of all the bad-faith arguments and toxic people. But, honestly I don't regret joining them. Sure, the toxic people sucked, but honestly, I'm glad I know now I want to not be them. As Ken said to Sagat in the 1994 Street Fighter movie, "If I hadn't met you, I might've become you". Any other expats from the Facebook/Twitter grind kinda feel this way?
| 5 |
What do I do???
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I always loved drawing and would get compliments on the content and the quality of my artwork all the time, but it never was something more than a hobby, a way to show off. I also love writing, and have a published little story, but that's it. Professionally, I have been teaching for the entirety of my professional life (10 years). I'm growing tired of it, but that's all I can get paid doing (teaching French and English.)
Today, 36 yo, I have left my country. I lost touch with a lot of my friends, most of whom got married and have kids. I left because I'm gay, and coming from a Muslim country, the pressure of getting married became too much to handle. During these moments I feel so sad and alone, and I get this tingly sensation that my life is behind me. It's almost impossible to find a decent man to build a relationship, as being gay today only means sex and cheating, and I feel like I am not built to weather heartbreaks on top of what I'm dealing with personally. I had a few relationships that failed and it affected me very negatively.
I'm currently in Canada giving online classes, I have 200 dollars in my bank account and nothing else. Part of me still wants to make it as an artist or a professional author, as I feel like the creative little child is still within me, and I love that, but I guess I'm too lazy, unmotivated or stupid to make it happen, and I feel like the older I get, the more this feels like a wish and less like a project. Ironically, it's only during these moments of loss and hopelessness, where I realize I have nothing, that my art feels like the only way forward/out. But isn't it too late? It's a very scary and painful feeling.
What to do?
| 0 |
Letting go of guilt/hurting others/being an enabler
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So I am in a long-term relationship ~9 years with someone and although I didn’t realize it at first, it began as an emotional affair. We had been friends for over a decade before and I think we always had feelings for each other but for whatever reason (i cant speak for him, but i was in a very abusive (in all senses of the word) relationship years before this one for a while that made me very insecure, afraid, and just generally traumatized).
My understanding of his previous relationship (based on first -hand experience and his words, and subsequently hers as well) was that the relationship was just toxic. They both seemed to resent each other, name calling, general meanness and misery. The break up was messy and they have a child (50-50 custody).
I admit that I was wrong for my participation in this. Looking back on it, one of them should have just left the other. Having such emotional intimacy and going home to someone else for months on end serves no purpose. At the time, my impression was that they were both checked out and it didnt matter. He felt that she was using their child as a bargaining chip (threatening to take the child and move away when they would argue ) and was afraid of this. So ultimately, thats what she did. She moved away without notifying him first, claiming that she feared for her life (the judge noting in the court documents that with all things considered this was likely planned and her account was questionable).
She is certain that he is a narcissist and she is a survivor of narcissistic abuse. For a while, I didnt speak with her, but she approached me out of the blue about five years ago wanting to clear the air (or so i thought), and I agreed. I went - told her the truth (my version). I don’t expect forgiveness or to be liked, i just didnt want to participate in any more deception. She told me many stories of a person I hardly recognized at times. Some things I knew were lies/poor assumptions, some were true and terrible. Ever since opening that door of communication, its been difficult to manage and I feel bad even saying that. Obviously she’s upset and rightfully so, but the communication on her end became nonstop. Wanting to meet up, talk more, angry messages to pass along to him. Random angry emails about their child. Nearly every communication felt aggressive. If i didnt answer enough she felt manipulated. I never questioned her perception or argued back because I know she is rightfully hurt and angry - but then i was told i was patronizing and passive aggressive. It was like everything i said and did made her angry but she still actively wanted to communicate. If i disagreed with anything she said, i was accused of either being in denial, projecting or gaslighting her. Even as I write this, I hear her in my head.
After a few years of this, I stopped answering. I couldnt take anymore weekly reminders of what a shitty person i was/taunting me/mocking me/ comments about my deceased parents/my intelligence/my appearance. But the emails continued for another year and half (with no further response from me) until I got a new phone number and changed my email.
We are now nine years later (partner and i are still together and we do love each other ), and my mother in law told me last month she is still very upset. I would like to move on, but I cant forgive myself. It doesn’t seem fair to move on if she is still struggling so i ruminate constantly and am upset to the point where I am nauseated just thinking about it.
Any advice on how to turn a page on this?
| 4 |
Finding out I’m probably schizophrenic
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Quit drinking few days ago. Trying to get Handel on few issues I have with drinking pretty heavy for five years. While detoxing I had some crazy hallucinations. Like day later idk I came up with some crazy deal that my lady is having a affair but I cheated on her few times she knows it and still with me idk still think some of its real but idk. Sorry also suck at spelling and giving more details. Just seeing if people have any kinda coping tricks or something
| 1 |
Routines and disruptive crunch periods
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Where I work have "crunch periods." It comes randomly (ex: some higher-up has a bright idea and work to throw at us) and varies in length, but subjectively it feels like it lasts two- to three-weeks.
During this time, my routine is shot. No morning exercise, don't know if I'll have time after dinner, might have to work on weekends. What time I'll have left I feel obliged to spend with my wife or chores.
This crunch period comes and goes, and rest of the time it's a 9-6 job with plenty of self- improvement. But by then, the routine is already broken. Exercise, I could will my self back and the muscles aren't gone, but stuff I've been teaching myself like languages or statistics I would have forgotten and in general lose the rhythm of it.
This loss of routine has happened repeatedly, and now despite having the time I'm set with this mentality: "Why bother? The boss could throw work at me at any moment, and my progress will be back to square one."
How to approach this problem? How to deal with repeated, irregular, lengthy disruptions to routine?
| 1 |
Whether you go looking for positivity or negativity in the world, you will find it. Cynicism is a choice and there are some proactive steps you can take to lead a more positive, happy, and fulfilling life. (x-post)
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Social media and particularly large portions of Reddit promote a jaded, cynical, and pessimistic viewpoint. If you find yourself hating on yourself, others, or the world, try unplugging from Reddit and social media as an experiment and see how you feel. The same is true for the 24x7 news cycle.
Alternatively, try curating your subreddit subscriptions to only focus on healthy, funny, positive, supportive, inspiring, and positive subreddits, and trim away the cynical and politically charged subs. Run that as an experiment for a month and see how you feel. r/randomactsofkindness and r/progresspics and r/contagiouslaughter and r/randomactsofmusic and r/happycrowds and r/randomkindness and r/mademesmile and r/decidingtobebetter are some great examples to get you started.
Similarly, the people you spend the most time with will influence how you think and feel. If you're running with a doom and gloom crowd/circle/primary influence, you will see the world through ash-colored glasses.
Maybe you have cynical, angry parents and can't get out from that, or other negative people you find yourself unable to free yourself if at this moment. Many of us have been there. But there are still ways to find happiness and refuge from the negativity.
Find the kind and optimistic people at school, work, within your extended family, friends, and in extracurriculars if you have them. They're out there and should be fairly easy to identify.
Talk to a school or community counselor or a private one if you can. Talk to a good coach/mentor if you have access. Talk to a social worker and ask for resources to help you find positivity in the midst of a tough home life.
Try to connect with nature if you have access to it. Sitting and staring at the beauty and simplicity of nature and just being present with gratitude for it can do wonders for your mental health and perspective if you have access to and enjoy nature. But find whatever place that brings you peace and joy. Maybe it's nature. Maybe it's a coffee shop or the school library or public library or a music venue or a park bench in the city or on a bike or on a mountain or a favorite childhood spot. Identify the place(s) that bring(s) you the most comfort and happiness just by being there.
On the subject of gratitude, it is an amazing antidote to pessimism, worry, cynicism, and despair (not clinical depression where medication/therapy are indicated, but I'm talking about the general blues and cynicism/environmental pessimism). If you look hard enough, there is always something to be grateful for.
Gratitude is a conscious choice and one you can choose to make every day. It is impossible to hold opposing emotions in the body at one time. You can't be grateful and angry at the same time. Nor can you be anxious and grateful or resentful and grateful at one time.
You can have gratitude for simply waking up in the morning and having the opportunity to experience the rollercoaster of life another day in a very limited window of opportunity. You can have gratitude for a friend or family member or teacher or colleague that really has your back. You can have gratitude for a blue sky and a warm breeze or the taste of your morning coffee or the feeling of your warm shower or bath. You can have gratitude for the sound of a bird singing, someone laughing, a funny movie, the comfort of your bed or pillow or couch, or a personal or professional win. If you look at the world through the lens of appreciation and gratitude, I'm not suggesting you can overcome clinical depression or other severe mental health issues, but I am saying it is a step towards optimism and away from cynicism and will at a minimum make your life just a little bit better than it was. You can also try combining a mindfulness meditation practice with gratitude, just sitting there with your eyes closed in a peaceful place, thinking about all the people, events, places, and other things you're grateful for. Just 5 or 10 minutes of this do wonders for your mind and body.
Find movies, shows, online videos, and music that make you laugh, inspire you, make you feel connected to others, and make you feel hopeful. Listen to someone speak who is pathologically, passionately, authentically kind, and accepting of others.
Go watch old Mr. Rogers clips as an example of this (he, among others was my shining light through my rocky childhood and broken home, but you have to find your own version). Simon Sinek is another personal favorite of mine for inspiration and positivity (I can suggest others if you need). There are so many caring, loving, kind people that you can listen to from anywhere with an internet connection that will make you feel better about life and yourself simply by listening.
Self-love is another antidote for cynicism. If you're saying and doing self-hating and sabotaging things, you're going to compound cynicism and pessimism in a vicious cycle. Taking regular time to do something kind for yourself where you can find peace and joy, even for just a few minutes is critical. You have to take an active role in loving yourself and treating yourself in the same way you would care for someone you love very much - someone you only want the best for.
You know what you like and enjoy and need. Write down a list of those things that bring you joy and peace and gratitude and try and do one or more daily. You can write down things that are quick (5 to 10 minutes - texting a good friend, reading a few pages of a good book, listening to music, meditation, deep breathing, massaging the tension out of your jaw bones, etc.) and things that take longer (e.g. going on a hike, going for a swim, watching a comedy, listening to a positive podcast, going for coffee or an adventure with someone you care about).
Research open vs closed mindsets or growth and fixed mindsets. I love the book 'Mindset' by Carol Dweck, Ph. D. Also look into the term "neuroplasticity" and see how the brain can be changed and rewired by disrupting negative thought patterns. This is why cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is so effective at treating many mental health issues.
On that note, check into CBT. If you find yourself super cynical and you have the means, try a few CBT sessions as an experiment. If you don't have access to CBT counseling resources, then watch videos online, listen to audiobooks and podcasts about it and look into how you can challenge your beliefs and negative thought patterns using evidence from your life and externally.
Before suggesting that maybe I have led an easy, privileged life, and maybe it's easy for me to say all of this because my situation isn't as shitty as yours or others, let me first assure you that I've had a life wrought with trauma, abuse, neglect, tragedy and significant adversity. Mine might be different or less or more severe than yours, but that uniqueness is part of what it means to be human. I've gone through life without much in the way of support from my family. All of the tips above have come from a place of adaptation to my own unique situation and the belief that I deserve happiness and joy and peace, no matter how bleak things might have seemed.
Try giving a bit of your time to helping others in big or small ways and see how you feel. Pay someone a compliment, even a stranger (just be kind and authentic). Volunteer for a good cause, even once in a year, and see how you feel. Do something nice for someone who is not expecting it. Use your own experience to teach and help others where you can. Cut your neighbors' grass or shovel their driveway and don't tell them it was you. Say hello with a smile to one or two strangers when you're out for a walk. Check-in with a friend to tell them you are thinking about them and we're wondering how they were doing. Be the shining light for someone else as an experiment. Make someone in your life feel loved and appreciated.
Notice how I keep saying "experiment" and don’t tell you that anything above is your sure-fire way to find happiness and optimism? That's because you have to be proactive, try different things, observe the results (i.e. positive or negative changes in your mood and attitude and mental and physical health), and find what works best for you and your unique situation. What has worked for me, might not work for you. We are all so different (but also similar in so many ways).
Recognize that you deserve hope, connectedness, optimism, joy, love, and peace, no matter what is happening in the world or in your life. We all have limited time to experience life. It isn't about avoiding adversity, change, difficulty, tragedy and loss, conflict, trauma, abuse, neglect,etc. For me anyways, it's about finding joy and love and positivity and optimism by looking for it and trying to create positivity for others where I can and leave this world just a bit better than it was when I came into it.
Take a look at my comment history. I am not all sunshine and roses every day. You'll find plenty of posts with me pissed off or outraged about many things and that I have super strong views about certain things (which you may or may not agree with and that’s okay). I do not profess to be a 24x7 optimist, not by a long shot. I struggle to find positivity and joy at times, like everyone. I get caught up in online drama and conflict sometimes. I say unkind things in anger and have a short fuse at times and I regret that and am sorry for it. I too lose optimism and hope sometimes.
But this LPT isn't about being blameless or perfect. Those things are not possible. It’s also not possible to feel like an optimist 24x7. It's really just about recognizing that you deserve and have the power to find and create optimism and positivity in your life if you're willing to be proactive about it, create the right environment, and have the right mindset.
If you read this and you're stuck on where to start or are struggling and just want to vent, respond to this thread or shoot me a DM and I'll do my best to respond and support you if I can. I'm not selling or promoting any services or products here. I honestly hoped to reach just one person who needed to hear this today and that it might put a bit of positivity into the world. I hope it brings you some value.
EDIT: Your mindset is the sum of the people you spend time with and the information you take in as well as your own life experience. If you spend your time taking in negative information and being around negative people, you will find yourself feeling and thinking more negatively. The same is true if you take in positive content and be around positive people and places.
| 5 |
Finally identified the name of the maggots that make me "Unbearable" to other people, struggling to stomp them out of my life. What could i do to go all the way through it?
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A long standing problem on my life has been people seeing me as an annoying or unbearable person. On early middle school, i used to be bullied for having long hair and (in other cases) for being too sensitive and doing weird things, like, stupid irritating jokes or just plainly bringing weird things. I was constantly kicked out of friend groups, both online and Real ones, due to me being "unecessary", "unbearable" or just plainly childish/dramatic. This dragged on until about 2019, when i finished middle school and (miraculously) did an 180° turn in my life and, for 4 years, enjoyed a bit of a better situation, being accepted by groups and actively establishing relationships with others, socializing more and etc... and then the goddamn pandemic came in.Since 2019 i have a feeling my mental health has been in steady decline and, in a way, i feel that i'm actively becoming more and more annoying again, and that the days of middle school are coming back, haunting me once again. It isnt the same exact thing, but it has a lot of the same energy. Ive been kicked from two friend groups again, something that since 2018 hadnt happened, with me being seen as "okay" or just plain neutral in these places, at max some guy who asked too much and liked to comment too much about personal things. And from there the old ghosts of the 2010s have come to fuck with me again, with me becoming more and more terrible as time passes.
This time though, as i'm more mature and finally got sessions with the therapist, i managed to understand (Hopefully) and name the shitty behaviors i have that make people feel i'm unbearable or annoying. Separating them in two sessions, i have:
1- Me and the world, problems that come out of the ways ive learned to interact and deal with the world, behaviors learned and actively applied as reactions. In this category i can include2- Me and my Inner faults, problems that most likely arise as out of internal psychological or neurological issues i have.
On the first category, i believe most of the "fixable" ones are included, the things i can actively work to eliminate and be better with the people around me, to be more sociable and enjoyable to other people. On this one i can include:
Manipulative/Dramatic and "too personal" behavior: I put these all in the same category because i believe they're all manifestations of the same thing that ive developed over time: Attention seeking behavior. It took almost 10 years for me to recognize, only doing soo when a friend pointed out i always self-degrated when i posted my art because "I wanted others to pity me". It was harsh, yes, but that kinda kicked off all the rollercoaster that worked as an epiphany of sorts on what exactly other people hate on me and, through secondary effects, make me miserable. I believe this sort of behavior probably originated out of a mix of many things, including a terrible interaction with my parents, which always lended things to me when i appealed to emotion, like, for example, when i got grounded for 2 months for biting a classmate in class, i got out like, a week after because i recurred to telling to my mom that i was sorry and depressed about it (While, FR, i didn't feel anything, i just, degraded myself to convince her). Such repeated behaviors with my parents, added to some other interactions with friends, both on the internet (Which lasted \*for a long time\*, for example, back in 2016 (i was 11-12) i always dramatized whenever i got kicked from the discord group i was with my friends. Like, the girl, who i'll call B, was super emotionally and psychologically unstable, loved to kick me and threaten to kick me for the littlest of things, and constantly did that over and over and over again, and whenever that happened, i went into her DMs and begged her to forgive me, that i wanted to commit suicide, that i hated myself, that i was scum, etc etc etc etc) and IRL, which manipulating got my way through things, probably reinforced such trait to collossal scales, to the point i always recurred (and i still catch myself recurring some time ago) to saying "im sorry" and degrading myself when i lose anything, like a political debate. Ive noticed Drama works as a sort of mean for me to get validation and pity from other people, and that i actively made things that werent that bad into giant storms just to get validation or help from others. Its something extremely frequent, and ingrained in my head, manifestating in many ways, from me just "sharing personal things" to actively self harming to get attention. I want to break out of this cycle and crush such behavior, but whenever it happens, it happens like an impulse, and its extremely hard to control. Ive managed to cut some incidents from happening, but a lot still slip through. I hate making my friends feel bad, i want to purge that out of my life.
Lack of filter/Unecessary comments or topics: That is also something pretty old, and a thing that pushes until today. I Always end up saying things too weird or jokes too edgy, things that are unfunny or just straight up eyerolling. From a joke about "haha funny antisocial people" to some really dark humor (and some borderline prejudicial jokes), i always slip up something weird midway through. On some more innocent cases (which compose the majority), i ask up something too cringy, offtopic or end up talking about useless stuff. A recent example was when i ended up speaking too much about the 2008 crisis in a discussion completely unrelated to it (History and that stuff) to the point my friends asked me to stop for gods sake, those are specially the hardest ones to catch, i just, speak too much and like to speak in these cases. Ive been trying to fight off that with a series of "Filtering questions", like, firstly with the FORD filter, "Is it related to family, occupation, relationships and hobbies or Dreams?", a generic question that wouldnt poke too much or be too annoying. After that, i ask myself "Is it too nerdy? Is it too specific/Weird? Does it pertain to the discussion? \*Is this a ramble?\* \*Is this you being dramatic?\*", and only after that i say something. I managed to keep up for a while but i forget to ask them and ive become increasingly impulsive as time passes. its been a hindrance, again, and i want to find a way to cut off and know what to say better. Ive heard about "Listening more, talking less", but i just, cant, the impulse of talking is too large and its hard to remind myself of it every time i'm talking with someone. What could i do to crush this behavior? Its probably one of the core things following manipulative behaviors to make people distance from me
Asking too much/Not learning by myself: At this point, this encounters itself amidst a valley between internal and external problems, as it ties with something that could be innate to me, but i still have my thoughts about it being connected to a lack of discipline or just plain laziness. This manifestates itself mostly as me crutching too much on others, asking them too much for help, even about basic stuff on fields i dont know, instead of using google to find answers and learn by myself. Its been one of the core things that make people growingly distaste me recently, since august of 2022, ive been too lazy and not googling up stuff. Like, i wanted to do a conlang thing, and instead of googling about it and actually learning it, i crutched on one of my friends that knew conlangs to explain it to me, while i could have learned all of it on myself. Ive been trying to restrict at least my questioning through a similar questioning filter, which i ask "Is it Something you can google? Can you learn it by yourself? is it something only your friend knows? Do you really need it?" Before i question anyone. This is also hard, because of the same reason listed on the lack of filter part, \*there's an impulse\*, Although ive been managing to control it a bit.
Speaking too much/Saying too much: Pretty much what it says on the tin, i speak too fast IRL to the point i actively interrupt people, and when i cant say, i end up feeling like i'm almost blowing up internally. There's an active impulse to doing that and yep, it also makes me extremely annoying.
Those are the big four that fuck me on the topic "Me and the world", and the ones i think affect me the most. On a brighter side, these are probably fixable as, at least from what i noticed, they are built patterns, not something really that i was born with.
On the second category are the ones i'm afraid i cant really "fix", at best only mitigate and fight it off:
1- Extreme lack of attitude towards Doing stuff: Essentially, i want, for example, to learn french do a conlang or , the biggest example, read something, but i just cant bring myself to do it, i always slip into something else and i feel like my brain is jumping out of my head. I have a lot of trouble keeping a routine to study all of those and actively keep learning them. I have my own suspicions that it might be some sort of mental condition but, as i dont have any sort of diagnosis, i assume it is just me being lazy. What could i do to get shit done and actually learn the stuff i want to? I feel my life would be thousands of times better if i could fix it.
2- Emotional fragility/Immaturity: I feel my emotions are, like, lions, they're extremely powerful and constantly take me over, be it anger, sadness, happiness, they pull me with the power of a thousand suns, and i end up angry and wasted over stupid stuff. IE: The Youtube anti adblock campaign managed to distract me for a whole day, to the point i had trouble concentrating on studying because \*i was mad\*. Other example is me feeling overwhelmed because one of my closest friend came out as trans. I'm not joking, i love her and all but it made me feel messed up and anxious as fuck for a week and it still triggers anxious stuff on me. Its not good, i shouldnt react like that. I have no idea what could cause this exactly, except perhaps the way i was raised, with my mom being extremely emotional and all and me copying it in some way.
​
3- Fear of abandoment/Abandoment: Ohhhh boy, that's a complicated one, and ties to me since 2012-2013, and it essentially was the culprit of almost all depressive episodes i had since then. in 2022 i had a depressive episode because a friend group broke apart (and that depressive shit lasted for almost 3 months), in 2021 i had a depressive episode because i lost a friend, in 2020 i had a depressive episode because a friend group was over and in 2019 i got in a slight melancholic feel because a friend was avoiding me a bit. The list goes on and since 2015 ive had, yearly, a depressive episode due to the fear of abandoment. I'm pretty sure it came due to that fact i mentioned about being kicked out a ton from friend groups when i was 11-12, marking my emotions and leaving a scar until today (B's fault, mostly), but i need to stop getting crunched by it. It has triggered Manipulative actions before (As a way to "Keep groups together") and it makes me melt down whenever some drama happen. I can't stand Drama between friends because it always evokes it on me and makes me feel terrible. I need to surpasss it and man up, but i have no idea how besides therapy. I'm going on it but i wanted to see if there are ways i could work on myself to help on such trauma actively. I also have trouble declouping for abusive relationships due to that, fearing to lose the person even if they’re hypercontrolling assholes
​
4- Possible mental conditions: Well, soo far from what i'm going on the therapist, he heavily suspects i have OCD and Anxiety, and those \*wreck\* my day. Ive lost count how many times i spiraled into feeling terrible due to OCD and how many times anxiety was triggered over stupid things and made me have trouble dealing with simple stuff. I couldn't draw koichi from starbound for almost 3 years because i associated him with my anxiety for some reason. Besides these two, we have some suspection that i might have ADHD (and given some stuff, specially book reading, i wouldnt be surprised). How could i manage off those better? They actively throw a hammer into my social interactions and harm others in some subtle ways. I know self acceptance is good but like, i dont want to end up exclusively on neurodivergent friend groups that tolerate me, i want to supress my bad traits, not live with them causing a mess, even if this costs a ton for me.
Soo yeah, what could i do to control myself better to follow my guidelines and cut off those behaviors? What are some exercises or training i could do to practice control and better handling against these things?
| 1 |
How do you get better when you lack the energy to put in the work?
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I want to get better. I suppose everybody does. But I don't have the (physical and mental) energy to do anything. Everything feels like such a pointless chore, and I'm not motivated enough by the end goals. How can one get better when it feels like they're perpetually out of fuel and just burned out to the max?
I've been this way for nearly 2 years now. Exhausted and indifferent about myself and life, among a myriad of emotional problems including depression. I just want to get to back to being productive and passionate the way I was before. How do I do that when I'm completely burn out and cynical? How does a depressed person with no energy for (or faith in) anything try to getting up
(Therapy is not an available option, I only have myself for support)
| 11 |
3 days without a smoke!
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Hey Reddit, I'm thrilled to share that I've successfully quit smoking cold turkey after 7 years of being a smoker. I'm 23 years old and have made countless attempts in the past, only to fail. But this time, I'm determined to succeed. It feels different, it feels right. Despite the challenges, I'm fighting a good battle and learning to silence that annoying voice in my head, constantly tempting me with "just one more." I've quit for good, and on top of that, I've started working out and confronting my fears. I'm on a path to becoming a better version of myself.
| 274 |
I found out I’m pregnant and I’ve been making changes to be the best I can
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This pregnancy is unplanned and of course I’m stressed out, but ever since I found out I’ve been putting in a lot of work to be better. I haven’t drunk alcohol, taken any drugs or smoked anything even prior to confirming I was pregnant. The day before it was confirmed was 4/20 and I was looking forward to getting baked out of my mind as I’d had a really tough few months leading up to it, but by that point I knew I was most likely pregnant and chose not to. I’m also a major foodie and the amount of things I can’t eat exceeded my expectations, but I’ve been SO good with not taking any risks, even with foods which rarely can cause complications. I know that might not be much, but I’m proud of myself for not choosing to do the wrong/risky things for the sake of pleasure; especially with smoking while almost feeling like I had an excuse at the time to because “it’s not confirmed”.
I’ve been doing my best to address my own struggles with my parental dynamics and the triggers/trauma that come alongside. Other issues related to mental health and who I am day to day have also heavily been on my mind, and it’s been so tiring doing whatever I can to improve myself. I’m exhausted for so many reasons; studying, working, hormones/energy levels, nausea, personal relationship problems, keeping my pregnancy a secret, you name it! But I’m so happy I still feel driven to make these changes.
Being pregnant has made me realise that I need to make changes to not only be a better version of myself but also a good mother. I had no purpose before I found out, but now I feel like I have something to live for.
| 65 |
I'm unlikeable and seeking to improve this. What are small changes in behaviour and mindset to help start?
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I have not been adequately sociable since I was young, and this is still an issue today. I make awful jokes and interject where I shouldn't, and sometimes insecurity and negligence gets ahead of me and I drive others away. Or I fail to attract. In a peer group, I agitate. I've had people uninvolved with the conversation look over and comment. I had already ruined two relationships this year due to my shortcomings. The first time, I hadn't been responding to her messages and she became cold (irremediably so, so I step away). The second time, I complimented her and I was selfish to expect a compliment back, and she complimented my personality as the most attractive part of me which struck a nerve in my desperately shallow head, who wishes to be a little better looking. Superficially, it results in strange looks, and more deeply - in my isolation.
I'm flawed and wrong-looking and wrong-acting, and it will require great action to improve but I would like to begin with small actions. What are some (generic) things that I can pick up on and begin to do and keep in mind? And what would be helpful too, but perhaps a big ask...to chat with me personally and discuss? Thank you
| 3 |
Asking for help.
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I have been a really laid back person last two years when it comes to keeping a note of where am I spending my money, now I live with two other people and the finances are getting out of hand. I am look for advice as to how do you all maintain an account of your day to day expenses
Do you maintain a record of all your expenses big and small, if yes how what’s your format?
All and any help is appreciated, I feel really lost with no one to guide me.
Thank you for your help in advance
| 4 |
Struggling with Tying My Self-Worth to Productivity, Physical Fitness, and Dietary Habits; Can't Take Breaks Without Feeling Guilty
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Hi everyone,
I've been grappling with an issue where I tie my self-worth not just to my productivity and hard work, but also to my physical fitness and dietary habits. When I miss gym days or eat more than intended, I feel like I've failed. Even taking a break feels like a failure. I find myself driven by guilt into productivity, essentially running from feelings of guilt by working and going to the gym. This strategy, however, doesn't seem sustainable. I constantly feel tired, and when I run out of steam and need a break, I'm consumed by guilt.
Some of these perspectives may be rooted in my upbringing. My father, who I currently work for, has always held me to high standards and often emphasized the importance of hard work. His comments about my physical appearance when I started going to the gym have also influenced my self-perception in this regard.
I've been introduced to cognitive-behavioral techniques, like cognitive restructuring and mindfulness, which could help me challenge these beliefs and build healthier thought patterns. But to be honest, I'm not sure where to begin. I understand the premise of recognizing and challenging the belief that my worth is tied to hard work, gym attendance, and dietary discipline, but it's overwhelming to think about putting this into practice.
I'd love to hear from those who've faced something similar or anyone with useful insights. How did you begin your journey of cognitive restructuring? How have you managed to separate your self-worth from your productivity, fitness, or dietary habits? Have you found ways to manage feelings of guilt when taking a break? How do you maintain balance in your life without feeling overwhelmed by guilt?
Thanks in advance for your help and advice.
| 4 |
My crush is moving out of state in the summer and I don't know what to do
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I (14M) have had a crush on this girl who'll I'll just call everly (13F) which isn't her real name btw since 6th grade and a couple days ago I just found that she was moving. I wanna keep in contact with her though. But idk if she will let me, why? Well it it started with me talking about her and asking questions about her to kids that knew her back in 6th grade. I also admitted my feelings to her towards the end of 6th grade. She didn't seem creeped out by me at the time, then we decided to play some games together outside since it was field day. In 7th grade I completely ignored her like refusing to talk to her at all but I still asked kids questions about her and up until this point they weren't super weird questions like I did in 8th grade. I do remember basically asking a teacher to search up her birthday during this time. 8th grade was when our relationship really started to deteriorate I began asking more weird and personal questions to other kids that didn't really know her that well. Then I began telling them everly's sorta personal information. After that they started telling everly what I have been saying. People around that knew that I liked everly started calling me things like creepy weird and a stalker. this only got worse until I was asked to go to the counselor's office and they told me if the creepy things I have been saying were true. I said no if you're wondering. After that I kinda stopped asking weird questions to others about everly but I do accidentally ask people questions about her at times but normally I just brush them off. So I'm just wondering is there anything that I can do to convince everly to give me her number or her snap. So we can resolve this situation much faster and discuss what I can do to make up for all the damage I have done to her. Fix my reputation and overall improve as a person.
| 0 |
How To Be Better At Respecting Emotional Boundaries?
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Hello Reddit!
I have an important question, one that I think many could also benefit from asking but are too unaware or scared/ashamed to ask:
How can I practice respecting people's emotional boundaries?
I'm very good at respecting physical boundaries, hell, I absolutely hate it when people disrespect mine, but one thing I was never raised with was a good example of how to respect other people's mental and emotional boundaries, so I never got to learn how to do it. I've gotten better at it slowly but surely over the years, but I've ruined many relationships (romantic and non-romantic) because of my lack of knowledge. I'd also rather avoid having to learn things like this the hard way (I know there are some things in life that we do indeed have to learn the hard way but I don't like hurting people, and I've already done enough of that. I don't want to hurt people anymore).
Any tips on where to start? Thanks in advance.
| 2 |
Can someone explain in detail how to stand up for myself and command respect?
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Tldr below
I really don't know how to say No to people and people take advantage of it, i want to understand what is it about my personality and mannerisms that makes people not respect me, cause I'm always the one that gets made fun of in every group/friends/family, a lot of time I've been treated very horribly and bullied by what I thought were my close friends and family, then they act like nothing happened, makes me think no one cares if I'm hurt, this has happened with every group I've been in, how can i stop being meek and overly nice? I've been told that I'm "too nice for my own good" how to stop it? Weird but i really want to know how can i be a bad person, that's rude and commanding?
Idk how to set boundaries. How to say them? I try to set them but people just break them and laugh at my face, everyone treats me badly like I'm lower than them and no one respects me, thought being nice is all it takes but now i feel like there's some secret nuance that idk about. I know you don't know me so it's hard to tell, but what could be the faults in my personality that this happens to me and no one else in the group? I don't see others "declaring boundaries" they're just themselves and they still get respected, that's all i want to be treated equally, also pls explain how sometimes one guy becomes the unsaid leader of the group who no one makes fun of and everyone listens to, I've seen this invisible hierarchy in many friend groups where we're all same age. I see a lot of phrases like "be assertive" but i don't understand how to go about it, that's why i want someone to explain in longer detail. I've noticed multiple times that people view me as very harmless, so much, that they get surprised when I curse, why? I don't want to be harmless, how to stop this? They knew I'll take the shit they'll give me, and idk how to stop being this pushover and a people pleaser. ik all this happens to others too but i feel it's a lot more extreme in my case.
TLDR: I request someone explain in lengthy detail: how can i stop being a pushover and a people pleaser? What do I do to stop coming off as meek and harmless? How to set boundaries and what if someone breaks them? How to be rude and stern when needed? I can't call people out even when they've wronged me.What should I do if most people behave with me this way?
| 1 |
What is this area of psychology or state of mind called? If one is in a robotic like state where one is in an automatic mindset and pushes past any limits?
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What is this area of psychology or state of mind called? If one is in a robotic like state where one is in an automatic mindset and pushes past any limits. Runners call it getting into rhythm where everything is effortless. What practices can help with this as meditation makes you feel too present and realize the pressure and pain of the situation. This is for high pressure and intense scenarios, boxers often say how when that bell goes off everything is automatic and effortless?
| 2 |
[Discussion] Day 3 of 180 Self Improvement plan
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Today was good. In Morning I taught chemistry to a Neet Aspirant. Completed another 25% of the Google certification course. Had a great time in the gym. Shot a insta reel for a friend.
From the outside, everything looks picture perfect. But, somehow I know I can achieve more. I'm feeling bad that i couldn't pack more into my schedule.
Although, I'm on track on my plan. Will definitely try to improve.
| 1 |
How do you settle if you partner wants a child and you want to be childless?
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I [26 F] am in a 5 year relationship with my boyfriend [28 M]. We met during college years when he was my underclassmen. We fell in love when we joined the same organization together and we’ve been inseperable since we became official. Right now we both are working overseas and kind of live together during weekends or more. We are very opposite to one another but I tend to try to do the things he love so we can bond and I guess he tries to do mine too but not as frequent as me. I could say that I was in a codependent relationship with him before and now I’m starting to learn that it’s okay to be far from him from time to time and find my own hobbies to do. He’s okay and I don’t see myself breaking up with him.
But here comes the issue. I want to be childless and he does not. Whenever we talk about it our conclusion is that soon I will come to change my mind. I’m pretty adamant about not having kids, I even thought about getting my tubes tied or cut because that’s how sure I am. I really don’t see him being a responsible father also because back at our home country he has a dog and he can’t even bring himself to clean up the dog’s mess. His reason for wanting kids is your typical “someone has to inherit my last name yadayada” or “he wants his bloodline to expand yadayada” or “children are supposed to bring you happiness”.
He is also not in touch with his feminine side so i am afraid that if we ever have a non heterosexual child he would be disappointed In them. (This is just a speculation.)
I grew up with a verbally abusive father and it is still very hard for me to unlearn all the things I saw growing up. I’m afraid that if we have a child he/she will just end up in a toxic household.
Any advice on how to settle this? I don’t want to breakup. Thanks.
| 74 |
I basically torpedoed my whole life
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I quit my toxic job, and left my toxic relationship. My toxic ex approached my toxic parents, and of course my toxic parents took my toxic exes side, without even asking me what happened.
I’ve been endlessly crying, vomiting, unable to eat.
My ex is claiming I owe them 16k, despite them financially exploiting me for years. Their insisting on taking the dog I paid for.
Right now it feels like im drowning. But I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. I lost a lot of people, but it’s only making room for what matters.
Im lonely right now- but I know I’ll get there. I’m going to say goodbye to the dog, and I might even pay her what she asks for. Anything to move on.
| 839 |
How to deal with toxic comments?
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Both online and offline. I do know that we shouldn't respond to negativity or toxicity but sometimes it's hard especially when their toxic comments hit me hard.
Just yesterday I responded to a troll here on Reddit and he just continued with his toxicity but I didn't reply to him after the initial reply, I do admit I was toxic there too.
And also yesterday my brother and my neighbor was having a discussion and my neighbor kept saying toxic boomer comments and I had to leave the conversation or I will get annoyed at my neighbor.
So yeah how do you deal with those types of comments? Do you just not respond? Do you stay calm and just scroll away when online or stay quiet when in person?
| 3 |
How to live a good life…
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You cannot live at any moment other than now. And those moments, put together, are your day, your week, your years… Your life is nothing more than a series of current moments lived one after another.
While there are moments that trigger us with a fight, flight, or freeze response, most of the time we have a choice. We can decide what we focus on and what we feel.
So… you want to have a good life? It’s pretty simple. Choose to have a good moment. This moment. Now. Choose happiness or gratitude or peace or love. And keep making those choices.
That is all.
| 18 |
How to get motivated to start eating clean?
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I’m 22, and my diet is horrible and it’s been horrible for a long time. I constantly eat out at restaurants and fast food. 2-3 times a day really. Because it’s fast and convenient but most of all, it just tastes good. I know it’s horrible for me, and I can probably get away with it because of my youth but I’m well aware that sooner or later it’s going to take a toll on my health.
But when I try to eat clean, I’m not really sure it’s even making a difference. I don’t really feel a difference. And it doesn’t satisfy my cravings for sugar, salt and fat. It just feels like I’m going out of my way and investing time and effort and nothing is happening.
Can you guys please drop some benefits of eating clean? Some motivators? Thanks y’all
| 11 |
Which 12 step program should I start with ?
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Hello,
I recently discovered 12 step programs and am feeling so blown away that such communities and resources exist.
I started with underearners anonymous, then tried coda and since have heard of ACA and love & sex addicts anonymous and I'm feeling decision paralysis about whre to focus my energy first.
Listening to the ACA big red book in audio was very very powerful for me, but I have yet to attend a meeting.
I have been going regualrly to CoDa, and semi regularly to UA, (1 meeting a week for each, approximately)
I've heard it's not recommended to work multiple pgrams at once, and i have a tendency of spreading myself thin as a way of avoiding... seeing myself as a failure ? Cause if i fail i can tell myself, well i had all these other things going on...
So i see that, and I think it would proabably be more potent to commit to working the steps of one fellowship at a time. I'm just very confused as to where to start.
Does anyone have any experience with such inner conflict, or any advice around how to solve this ?
| 6 |
How do I stop spending on stupid things?
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Hello. I work a night shift job and make around 2000-3000 a month depending on my overtime. I have some things to pay off, like my laptop, phone bill, rent and some more stuff like subscriptions. I always order out at work because I am too lazy or tired from the night shift to cook and I wanna save money, but just today I spent 20 euros on a lunch I was not planning just because I was hungry. I am a big guy, I spend a lot of money on food actually, I can eat a lot. I am around 6'8". But I have been having problems with my blood pressure and I need to eat healthier. For my budget and health.
I have a problem of ruminating on my past mistakes including financial ones. I am now paying a good online bootcamp to get back into tech so I can change my job, this night shift will destroy my mental and physical health if I continue for long.
How do I get out from ruminating, to doing little things to improve? To get into the horse. There are so many things I can and want to improve in my life, but I sometimes think I am a retard that depends on others and does nothing, but mistakes and giving others fuel to have a go at me. I am 28 with some learning disabilities and other problems, I don't know how much I can hold the weight of them, while keeping independent from other people for living. I would honestly rather end myself than be pitied or live from others.
I also have a toxic roommate which is an asshole that only wants money and always looks who will pay for something, I feel like a fool when I do...
| 7 |
How do I deal with avoidance procrastination?
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I hate how my life is now especially since there are things that I could, should, and would be doing if not for my laziness.
I’m going to college in a few months and I need to learn to drive so I can commute there, I need to apply for scholarships because I don’t want to go into debt in the future. I need to get a job for the same reason.
I can’t even figure out why I’m avoiding things like this, even though I KNOW they will make my life easier/better if I just completed them.
This has always been a problem of mine, avoiding doing stuff. It has gotten so much worse since around 6-8 months ago for some reason.
I have tried finding ways on the internet to get around or figure out my laziness, such as simplifying/breaking tasks up to be even easier, journalling, finding books on self-discipline, finding things that I truly enjoy, looking introspectively to figure out my problems, etc.
But have I actually used those methods? No.
I just don’t even do the bare minimum which is actually breaking those tasks up to be easier or any other option. I can’t get myself to care enough to do anything about my situation.
Even when I try to look introspectively, my mind just comes up completely blank, no matter how many times I try it. I don’t know what I want to do with my life or any of my wants outside of the few things that I already know from before any of this became a problem.
I’ll spend hours mindlessly surfing the internet while I avoid anything. I’ve wasted so much time this way, and I’m not even doing things I like to do. I’m not even having fun like playing video games. Just literally wasting time away. And god forbid I have something to do on a certain day. In that case, I’ll spend all day waiting for that time to come to go to that event.
I feel like I’m disappointing myself and my family, I don’t want to turn out like a 30 yo living in his parents basement smoking pot (which I already use, it’s the only thing currently that makes me feel happy, or hell, any emotion at all, for a long period of time) and playing video games all day everyday, but that’s exactly where I’m headed.
How do I actually change myself so I can start changing my life? I feel like just solving this initial task alone will allow me to actually make good change for myself for once in my life. But I can’t find anything online on how to do this, maybe it’s just because I don’t know how to search for if or maybe I’m just stupid and it is easy to search for or accomplish change.
| 7 |
What would you do if you were in my shoes?
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Hi,
I come from a hectic home and instead of rising up and succeeding like I could have. I feel like I was too focused on it and trying to survive. Now I want to live. I feel deep shame for not doing it sooner but it’s better to start now then never at all. Hope you can give me advice!
So I’m 20 and a first year in university for social sciences. As much as I love the course, I feel so out of place being 20 there as everyone is either younger or older. I also feel like I shot myself in the leg due to employment after.
I’m looking into if it’s possible to finish uni faster as well as things that can help spruce up my cv. Studying at home is extremely hard but I want to give it my best shot. I’m hoping to move out but I have a dog that I know I couldn’t leave here. I love her so I’m not mad at it but it makes it a little more difficult to move out, especially with inflation .
I started working a cleaning job that exploits me and I’m horrible at speaking up. I don’t really know why? I’ve been underpaid every time, not received a single payslips despite my pleads for the past 4 month and even done overtime that went unaccounted for. I only show up because I can’t afford not to + my coworkers are lovely. I’m starting a new job this weekend but I wish it didn’t have to pan out this way. What do I do apart from what I’ve been doing?
I’m saving up to own a home, driving lessons and eventually a wee car. However I feel so lost in life and would love guidance from anyone that could help. Questions for more clarity are super welcome
| 4 |
Why are you alive?
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What makes you keep going? What do you feel your purpose?
I’ve been having a crisis of purpose and identity lately, and I’m not entirely sure how to answer these questions anymore.
**Don’t worry, I’m not suicidal.**
I’m just… *lost*, at the moment. Very lost. I know that it’s important for each of us to find our own personal “why” for living, but I’m hoping that hearing others’ reasons will help point me in the right direction.
So, that being said… why are you alive?
| 51 |
i have no clue what im doing
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i got laid off from my first job 2 weeks back. since then, all ive just been sleeping and eating. i tried watching movies but couldn't. i wake, scroll through instagram that's itttt.
other people who got laid off have either started prepping for jobs or a master's degree.
now, i have time, i should be using it wisely, but I don't think i fully understand the power of time, maybe that's why im wasting it.
i worked as a machine learning engineer in that company.
now, i don't find coding that interesting but it's manageable and there's good pay as well.
at this moment, i suck at coding. i don't know if i want to go for a masters degree/apply for jobs/idk
it feels like i don't have the drive to even look up the internet and find out my liking. i have time, the internet. all i have to do is get up and do some research.
my SO said this to me the other day, that im getting very comfortable and that im in a loop. and time passes by very quickly and i won't realise the amount of time that has been lost.
i get it. it is true. but why am i Iike this.
everybody has some aim, i have none. i don't even have whatever it takes to find what i like.
am i in that comfortable zone? yes
and i know im not doing anything about it.
but rhdieikwksjfhie all of this is so weird. how do i put into words :(
what's stopping me, what is it that's so scary that im not even interested to think about the future. it doesn't have to be long term future. but at least the next step.
I don't have answers to these questions
So, I'm 23, unemployed. don't have a passion for anything yet. don't have any purpose in life.
and lately I've been feeling that my partner is getting annoyed cause of all this.
and i am a disappointed and ashamed of myself as well.
but whenever i get this feeling i start running away.
when will i stop running away from life.
i know only i can get myself out of this shit but ugh why am i not doing itttt
ugh, any suggestions? please? i need it
TIA
| 5 |
Did you ever team up with your partner
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Did you ever team up with your partner to overcome an
obstacle? How did it work out?
| 1 |
Day 26 | Month 1 | Year 0
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Can’t forget again
Improvement: A good day of rest
Goals for tomorrow: finish some of my work and study for 30 min, sing 2 songs and complete singing practice
Goodnight or good whatever time it is for you :|
Post written at 1:51am
| 2 |
No Living in My Life - just existing and moving from one day to the other. What do I do outside of work? Advice needed.
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Hello community,
Reflecting on my life, I don't think I have done much living in my life. Currently, I am in the second half of my 20s.... even though I have some pretty
There are some pretty good things in my life right now. I'm about to graduate from a very specialized, prestigious Master's degree with a full scholarship. My long-term girlfriend is waiting for me back in my home town. I've had money worries over the years, but always had enough to ensure I have a room over my head and food to cook.
Despite these things, I don't think I have done much living in my life. I guess I spent too much time on the internet and focused way too much on school to the detriment of everything else in my life? But then again, for a year or so I was quite social and went out like 3 times a week on average (when I could afford it at that time). I did it because my therapist recommended that I take every social opportunity I can get my hands on and say yes and join.
So I tried to be social and some days were better than others, but the deal breakers for me were excessive pressuring to drink and overall boredom of the thing. I was not interested in gossip. I guess I am also generally not that interested in people I guess? I don't know how I should feel about this. Should I be concerned, is this worrying?
In any case, I feel like since I was about 16 I had not done much living in my life. I think I don't know what I want from life. It's gotten to the point where digging deep into the academic stuff is not fascinating anymore as it used to be when I was 14 or 20. Video games and films are still fun, but not always.
Could y'all help me pick my brain further? Help me figure out what I might have to do. I guess I should go out more? Or find communities in person that are more to my liking? What am I to do? How do I figure out what I want to do with my non-work life?
| 7 |
Went to my first AA meeting yesterday
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When I woke up yesterday, I didn’t plan on going to a meeting, but I think I’ll go again.
I grew up in a really poor, uneducated, and unhealthy family. When I started drinking I was always cautious and it was always fun. 4 years ago I suffered a pretty tragic loss, and the drinking got worse, and I got worse.
It’s been 1 year 10 months since I’ve had a drink, and I’m so grateful because I can start working through the trauma I went thru and finally make my way out of this pit. While I was drinking the breakdowns became more frequent and more intense. I still struggle a lot but, I can feel the wheels turning in a more positive way.
There’s an extremely dark quality to those drunken balling sessions. Nothing but endless disparity. I’m glad I can now cry for a minute, process the thoughts and emotions, then move on with my day. It’s still the worst feeling I’ve ever felt, but it’s real and I’m handling it. The next step for me is therapy, because it gets difficult by myself and I can’t rely on friends and family to know how to help.
Anyways thanks for reading my thing
Edit: Thank you guys, reading your comments is the same kind of support I witnessed at the meeting. Its easy to feel alone when your support system isn’t strong, but there are people out there who really do care and just want to see a strangers do better with their lives.
| 267 |
Recommend me a book!
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Recommend me a book about self-improvement written by someone who has a degree, masters or PhD in psychology.
| 2 |
Someone help me please
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Help me. My brain feels suffocated. I have hearing loss / tinnitus & breathing problems. Along with abusive aunt / cousin around me. I have nobody to talk to. Nobody helps me, nobody hears me, nobody understands me, I’m about to be homeless
| 4 |
(21F) Found out where my social anxiety is coming from.
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TLDR: I found out that my social anxiety is coming from me being unsure of peoples intentions bc I was bullied and mistreated in the past. Now I’m hesitant to open up to others and show my personality bc I’m not sure if people are being honest/genuine with me and am afraid they secretly hate me. What do I do?
—————————
I found out where a lot of my social anxiety is coming from. It’s because I’m afraid that people secretly hate me and that they aren’t being genuine, and that they’re secretly just putting up with me bc they’re lonely or whatever.
As a kid I was bullied a lot, but in the way where other girls would smile in my face and say that they love me and the second I walked away they would bad mouth me and make fun of me. And even in my own family they do the same. I’ve recently been working on myself to better myself and have gotten away from all those people, but the fear that people aren’t being genuine/the fear that they don’t actually like me or respect me leaves me paralyzed in social situations. I’m afraid to speak my mind or laugh bc I’m afraid they’re smiling in my face but silently thinking that I’m stupid or a freak.
I’ve had troubling maintaining friendships and romantic relationships bc of it as Ill make connections with others but I’ll just feel like they’re being fake or that their smiles are forced. Or that guys/girls I dare are just pretending to laugh along and be engaged just to be nice. It’s gotten so bad that, after doing some digging, I think that when people like my mom/dad/girlfriend say they love me, I don’t think they’re telling me the truth.
I don’t know what to do. I’m afraid I’m going to self sabotage my relationship out of fear or distance myself from the people who do care about me just bc of my past.
| 27 |
how do i get out of this rut
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i've been stuck in this damn rut ever since i can remember. i know i have to start somewhere but even that feels difficult. i do the bare minimum for a few days before falling back to my old bad habits. i have no sense of self control, discipline or consistency and i've been trying my level best to fix it but it just.. doesn't happen. i'm stil living under my parents and i try to tell myself what the fuck am i gonna do once theyre gone and i have to be an actual adult but even that doesn't help. knowing the consequences don't help me, all i do is just panic and cry instead of dealing with it in a proper manner. and ive failed so many times my brain probably has accepted the fact that im nothing but a failure. i dont know what to do i just feel so behind in life and no matter what i do i seem to be back in the same place and im just sick of it.
| 16 |
Could use a sober friend
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I’ve distanced myself from just about everyone. 95+ days sober from alcohol. I have an amazing partner, and I need something more. Could use a friend to check in with. Someone to share my successes with. DM me something funny if you are interested. 😆 lgbt friendly is a must. Thank you.
| 4 |
Can't accomplish anything
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I am so lost because on one side I feel super bored all the time and on the other side, I know that I want to pursue my hobbies, so I stay on my phone since I find it super hard to stay consistent and I prefer instant gratification.
For example, I want to improve my programming, explore more video games, learn languages, bake, cook new recipes, etc... But I want to do so many things that I end up not doing anything at all and I waste my weekends laying in bed. I prefer staying on my phone and scrolling through social media than moving around and doing things. Even if I try to learn something, I find it super hard to stay focused and I end up checking my phone every 2 mins and I feel like my mind finds it incredibly hard to do anything else except scrolling through social media. Even for social media, I find it hard now to watch a full 10 mins video, I either skip often to the end or I end up watching shorts.
What should I do ? I feel awful for not pursuing my hobbies.
| 2 |
Are you Limiting Yourself?
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Limiting beliefs are one of the most common issues I work with:
We all form a set of beliefs in our childhoods: generally, they are formed rationally and serve us well at the time. However, time moves on and things change. As we become adults, our childhood beliefs serve us less well – and the resultant behaviours may be incongruent with the situation we are in. This leads to the conclusion that one of the things it means to grow up, is to develop out of our childhood beliefs and adopt a new set of beliefs that will serve us better as adults. This progression follows a broad pattern of developing from dependence as children to independence as young adults to interdependence as mature adults.
Our overall set of beliefs are developing all the time. However, most of us will carry some of these childhood beliefs with us in to adulthood. Most will be innocuous but some of them may impede our performance as high functioning adults. Many adults benefit from contemplating this list, recognising any that apply to them and working on growing out of them. They can be thought of as limiting beliefs – and we all have them.
The general list is:
• I need everyone I Know to approve of me
• I must avoid being disliked from any source
• To be a valuable person I must succeed in everything I do
• It is not OK for me to make mistakes. If I do, I am bad.
• People should strive to ensure I am happy. Always!
• People who do not make me happy should be punished
• Things must work out the way I want them to work out
• My emotions are illnesses that I’m powerless to control
• I can feel happy in life without contributing back in some way
• Everyone needs to rely on someone stronger than themselves
• Events in my past are the root of my attitude & behaviour today
• My future outcomes will be the same as my past outcomes
• I shouldn’t have to feel sadness, discomfort and pain
• Someone, somewhere, should take responsibility for me
Beyond these, we can have our own specific limiting beliefs which are often versions of I’m not good enough / I’m not worthy / I’m not smart enough / I’m unattractive / change is bad / conflict is bad / the world is a scary place / people are mean ect.
Simply reflecting on the above may point the way to a resolution. Working with a hypnotherapist is particularly well suited to personal development in this area as – by its very nature – it opens up the pathways between the parts we know and recognise as ‘us’ and the deeper levels of our wisdom: ideal when are going through lots of changes on our lives.
It is more effective to work on these with a skilled helper however working through the following questions will provide you with some insight:
• What is the evidence for this belief – and against it?
• Am I basing this belief in facts or feelings?
• Is this belief really black and white – or is it more interesting than that?
• Could I be misrepresenting the evidence?
• What assumptions am I making?
• Might other people have other interpretations of the same situation – what are they?
• Am I looking at all the evidence or just what supports my thoughts?
• Could my thoughts be an exaggeration of what is true?
• Am I having this thought out of habit, or do the facts support it?
• Did someone pass this thought or belief on to me – if so, are they a reliable source?
• Is my thought a likely scenario, or is it the worst-case scenario?
I hope you found something useful in this short piece. I have posted more quick reads on my own little corner of Reddit – would be great to see you there.
| 15 |
Help this F21 to do better.
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Hello everyone. A little background about me: I have never taken education as a child quite seriously in my life and I regret that now. Somehow, I made it to engineering and today is officially my last day of engineering.
Yes, I do hold a computer science degree, but I am still jobless. I regret not studying hard enough for jobs and not applying for internships during my sphomore year. It is now that seeing all my friends going places made me realise that I too, want to improve my life and prosper in life. And I will do at every cost, **whatever it takes**.
I am scared that I am late and I know I cannot turn back time and correct my mistakes.
As a child I never had good grades so I have technically ruined my chances to apply to ambitious universities forever.
Idk, scold me for wasting 21 years of my life, advice me on what to do in order to get a job, I just know I want to do better but I am struggling with failures.
| 4 |
Should I move to an unfamiliar city 3 hrs away or should I stay living with my terrible mother
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I (F20) live at home with my mother, younger brother(M13), cousin(F16) and older sister(F28). I don't even consider her to be a mother she's been neglectful, emotionally and physically abusive; she's a narcissist who rarely took on a motherly role to any of her children most of all me.I won't be deceptive I'm a problem child been since I was 12, I have Bipolar 2 and it was left undiagnosed till I was 19 and I had already been deeply traumatised by external and internal problems non stop throughout my life.
**2 Options**
**(A) My dad and brother say I should put up with her antics and try to rush starting to work so im away from 9 to 5 and save up until I get my apartment. Which was fine before she started this behaviour of meaningless arguments and controlling hot water and the wifi and how late I stay up. All my friends(3) live in other countries.And im not close with any family outside my dad and other sister but I don't even see them regularly anyways.**
**(B) Move 3 hours away and live in my dad/brother's apartment they have for when they visit that city for work once a month. Originally my brother and dad took turns living there full-time but both have decided to stay in this city and I don't know much I just know it's empty. I wouldn't have to pay rent just regular utilities light water wifi. I would also get a job in that city. My dad has no problem with me moving because he is very familiar with it given they've worked over there for years and lived there.**
**Just some character/context example for my mom**. **1.** My father told me when my siblings were infants/toddlers before I was born she avoided motherly intimacy with them and he thought something was off because she was so cold towards her own children (she's also cold with him and everyone else). **2.** When I was 18 a teacher I was close with died suddenly and I didn't want to go to school because the day was dedicated to having a mass and overall religious honouring. On the w after she forced me to go I avoided putting on my school shoes as we haven't arrived yet and were sitting in traffic, she screamed at me I said my teacher who I was close with was died 3 days ago and she knew that she said she didn't care because when her grandmother died she got over it quickly so I should too. I called her a cold hearted bitch and she basically clobbered my face with a metal coffee travel mug. Huge swelling and bruises all over my face and busted lip. I got out the car and she threw my school stuff on the road and I walked back home then took a taxi to a friends house. My father tried forcing her to apologise she laughed and said she wouldn't. **3.** I (14 at the time) had a breakdown at a family gathering told my mom and aunt I wanted to leave and she laughed and said I should go ahead and she'll lay me beside my grandaunt and she has 3 other kids so she doesn't care. My aunt obviously flipped at my mother for saying that to me.
**General Context/ Lead up.** In the past 3 years my life had been very difficult I had several manic and depressive episodes that were very bad which led to my diagnosis. In the past year and some I've greatly calmed down, not aggressive not picking fights keeping to myself I don't bother my mom the biggest problem she has with me is I rarely wash dishes and my room is messy. She got in a big fight with my brother because he just got up one day and moved out and didn't say anything to her. Knowing I had plans of my own to move out in the next 6 months I told her seeing as I wanted to avoid the fight and she sees I've been going to job interviews and whatnot which is a first for me since my diagnosis and three year mental shitshow. Ever since I told her that she started hounding me more and more about small things like renewing my license going to a dermatologist now for my skin issues rather then ask at a new job for time off. (I didn't think the derm was important since its expensive and I've had these skin issues for some time it just makes me ugly it doesn't harm me)(the license isn't that important since I have my passport as id).She's been turning off the wifi when she sees me on my laptop instead of following her order to go get my license or when im not cleaning my room fast enough or when I haven't cleaned it to her standards. If I don't wash the dishes, basically anytime I ignore her or disagree with her she turns off the wifi. I asked her to add shower gel to the supermarket list (which keep in mind my father pays for she doesn't have a job and hasn't for the past 10 years) she says no because if im not using the same soap as her she's not paying for it and im moving out soon so she can just give me half a bottle of hers, mind you that dove bar soap does nothing for my b/o / removing old deodorant under my arms. Its like ever since I told her I was moving out soon she's been on my ass about everything and controlling me and trying to punish me, which before she would just leave me alone for years she was my roommate at most.
\*2 Options
(A) My dad and brother say I should put up with her antics and try to rush starting to work so im away from 9 to 5 and save up until I get my apartment. Which was fine before she started this behaviour of meaningless arguments and controlling hot water and the wifi and how late I stay up. All my friends live in other countries.And im not close with any family outside my dad and other sister but I don't even see them regularly anyways.
(B) Move 3 hours away and live in my dad/brother's apartment they have for when they visit that city for work once a month. Originally my brother and dad took turns living there full-time but both have decided to stay in this city and I don't know much I just know it's empty. I wouldn't have to pay rent just regular utilities light water wifi. I would also get a job in that city. My dad has no problem with me moving because he is very familiar with it given they've worked over there for years and lived there.
Ill answer any questions below.
\*For now I'm continuing to get the right documents for 2 potential jobs in this city.
| 2 |
8 months since I quit smoking
|
Today it has been 8 months since I quit smoking I have been smoking for 13 years. It was hard to quit, but it got easier as I went.
| 3 |
I’m naturally growing
|
So today has been pretty exhausting, and I just wanted to sleep. I decided I was going to skip skincare and teethcare, and just hit the hay. “One night won’t hurt”.
I then went to the bathroom. And suddenly found myself reaching for my cleanser and my moisturiser and then brushing my teeth. I did the brushing, flossing, mouthwash. Whole ordeal. Even after deciding I wasn’t going to.
A few months ago. It was rare for me to brush my teeth two days in a row, as personal hygiene was often neglected due to my mental health.
So this is a huge deal to me.
Building this hygiene habit has raised my standards in myself and I didn’t even realise.
I’m growing, becoming more disciplined and improving naturally.
I know it’s nothing big but to me this is a massive step in the right direction.
Success 💪💪
| 318 |
Some techniques I use to achieve the elusive flow state and boost productivity
|
I stumbled upon this fascinating concept called the 'Flow State' during my journey to improve my focus and productivity. The name might sound fancy, but I bet you've experienced it. It's that amazing feeling when you're so into a task that you lose track of time.
Since finding my way into the flow state, my productivity has soared, my creativity is on fire, and I've honestly never felt more satisfied with my work. Here are a few things I do to make sure I get into a flow state most of the time when working on tasks that need full focus:
1. **Balancing difficulty:** I learned to ensure my tasks aren't too easy (which bores me) or too hard (which frustrates me). It's about finding that "Goldilocks zone."
2. **Managing my time:** I've started using the Pomodoro technique - 25 minutes of focused work, then a 5-minute break.
3. **Decluttering my space and schedule:** I use Sunsama to help me plan my days. It's a neat tool that integrates with the calendar. I keep my workspace neat and inspiring with my favorite books and flowers.
4. **Building a growth mindset:** I try to approach challenges with the belief that I can improve. I read books that help me build this mindset and journal to really etch this in my mind.
5. **Taking care of myself:** Regular exercise, min 10-min meditation every day and a balanced diet really do make a difference! I don't compromise on sleep at all (earplugs, mask, phone on DND).
**6. Connecting with others**: I joined some forums and virtual co-working sessions. It's great to do focused work with others in the same state.
Does anyone else here use the Flow State to their advantage? Any additional tips or insights?
| 6 |
Deciding to be better for the FNAF movie
|
18M
I'm already happy with what I'm doing with my life, I'm not a bum and I'm working hard to achieve my dreams, only thing I'm not proud of is my appearance. 5'11 189lbs with most of it being fat, and i got some acne on my face, recently got into skincare and exercise. My deadline is when the FNAF movie comes out in October 27 (5 months). Im trying to be built like gigachad and have smooth and clear skin when i show up. Me and the boys are filling multiple rows in that bitch, plus im trying to rizz some girls while im there.
| 1 |
Forgiving Myself (Help)
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How do I learn to forgive myself? I have such a problem with fighting myself and being hard on myself. One of my biggest regrets in life is my finances. At one point, I had over 50k in my account due to inherentiance and social security. I wasn't working during the Era of Covid. It wasn't until 2021 I got a real job that paid. I now sit with 2k in my savings and 4k in debt to a family member. I hate myself and the mistakes I've done. I mainly was giving out my money, helping roommates and getting scammed multiple times. I feel so ashamed. If only if I still had 50k, I wouldn't be in the position I'm in. I want to live by myself or at least with someone who doesn't use me for money. I wish I put my money into investments and retirement. I feel so dumb. I hate myself, I hate my life.
I know I'm going to get this - I am in therapy. I have a psychiatrist. I take medicine. This goes beyond that, it's literally having to rewrite my identity and my life. I have a job. I'm going back to school. I work out and eat much better. I don't have a lot of real friends or family, I feel like everyone left me for dead when I ran out of money. Life is getting better but I'm so fucking impatient. I can't handle the life I was handed. I want to recreate myself. I want to live the life I want but I need help, I need to forgive myself but I don't know how.
| 2 |
It was a deserved win for her
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So recently my SO brother came into town. I can say with great relief and joy that they reconnected after the crap her father had done came to light. I haven't seen her this happy in a long time and the fact that she is gaining her own sense of self is warming. This was an event I thought might not have come to pass but hoped ot would.
It's been a conflicting few days for me, but day by day I'm coming to a sound conclusion that disappearing from her life after our divorce, as much as possible, is going to be the best. Kids will keep us interacting, but after they have flown... I think it's for the best I disappear and just focus on being better.
A win all in all. Think this is the best way to move on and do better.
| 2 |
How do I quit overthinking about abandonment and the people I'm in relationships with to leave me for someone better?
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I'm 22f and I have had two relationships. One lasted 4 years and the other most recent one lasted 7 months. In both of these relationships, the guys never gave me a reason not to trust them. The second guy especially was a true sweetheart and gave me reassurance whenever I needed it. But I always found myself worrying that they're looking for someone better or that one day they'd just leave me randomly.
I don't know where the abandonment issues came from. No one has left me in my life. The only thing I can think of is when my dad left for the army, but I was small then, and can't even remember when he came back home. So I don't think that could cause such issues.
As for the worrying thing, it always happens around the time of the month for me. So maybe it's my hormones? Idk..I just want to be able to trust my partners, especially when I have no reason to distrust them.
| 9 |
Embracing my fitness journey and ignoring the doubters
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Hey friends,
I wanted to share a recent experience that reminded me of the importance of staying true to my fitness goals, regardless of what others may say. While discussing my workout routine with friends, a few of them jokingly squeezed my arms and poked fun at their perceived lack of muscle definition.
Initially, I felt a twinge of anger, but then I realized something crucial. My fitness journey is about personal growth, building muscle mass, and achieving a better body shape for myself, not for comparison with others.
So here's a reminder to all of us: Let's focus on our individual goals and progress. Don't let the comments or judgments of others derail us. Keep pushing forward, staying dedicated to our workouts, and embracing the changes we're making.
Stay motivated, my friends, and let's achieve our fitness dreams together!
| 28 |
i was an awful friend
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hey, im a 15 year old boy who has very serious anger issues that im trying to come through with therapy, so, something happened yesterday, for short things up, i have(or had) a very sensitive friend, she is very smart but cant deal with conflicts very easily and generally in these kind of situations she would get emotional and basically we had this HUGE group school work and we had set our group, it was the same as always, but in the last minute she said that she wanted to do the thing with different people this time, our group had 5 people confirmed and i was one of them, but later when she was looking for another group, i thought, that she took the other 3 people and left me off (which was a misundertood that i got it later) and i got so hurt that my anger issues came back like never before and i yelled at her a curse word, in the same moment i left feeling disgusting with what i did mainly bc she was crying afterwards.
the other day i came to her wanting to apologize not expecting her to accept bc what i did had no excuse at ALL, i tried to explain but before i could give my sincere apologie coming from the pit of my aching heart, she said that ir was better for us not to be friends anymore, she said that i scared her and she thought i would hit her, i didnt understand why she thought that at first but i remembered that she is WAYYYY more sensitive that i am so having yelled at her made a different reaction that would on me.
i said it to her "okay" and i left, those words are still haunting me bc i never relapsed that hard on someone, i feel horrible and im trying to improve my life at the best pace i can, friday i have therapy so im going to tell my therapist that(im not diagnosed with nothing oficially bc it started a couple weeks ago)
after all that i understand why she felt that way towards me and why we are clearly not a match in friendship, i didn't know i could be so horrible.
i really hope that i can improve as a person, i just wanna harvest love but my broken mind do this stuff (this is the first time in 1 whole year i acted like this)
i really hope that this stuff of "relapse is part of healing" is true, what you guys think about my situation?
| 2 |
Your Ideas On Acceptance?
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The Serenity Prayer.
God grant me the serenity. to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
I'm interested in getting your thoughts on how to actually do acceptance.
There you are, and something is bothering you. Let's say it bothers you a fair amount. You can't ignore it. You think about it, and come to the decision that you just can't change it, so you decide to accept it.
How do you actually do that?
The only thing I have, so far, is to change the way I think about it. I replace the thoughts that bother me about it with thoughts that bother me less. I keep doing that, every time the really bothersome thoughts and feelings happen in me. I use a repeated affirmation when I want to get something out of my mind. I've learned that what we think about, and how we use our body (face, voice, range and speed of motion) has a huge effect on how we feel at any given time. So, I might make it a point to simply let go of the real negative thoughts, replace them with an affirmation and, as silly as it sounds, sing an old song, smile and dance. If I'm alone. Being with other people is pretty often a distraction from something I have little choice but to accept.
If you have other ideas, especially about actual *techniques* of acceptance, I'd love to see them. Here, that has a good chance of helping other people, too.
EDIT:
I've gotten next to no replies. I'm guessing that's because people aren't much interested in the question, or they don't have good answers. If it's the latter for some of the people who've seen this, that would say that the advice to accept what we can't change is pretty useless. Me, I've seen that advice quite a lot, as though it's almost some magic way of dealing with problems in life. Well, maybe it is. But, if a lot of people aren't in on the magic, that leaves a lot of people struggling with things they can't change.
I suspect that many, maybe most, people don't have a clear idea of what acceptance is, and how to do it. I also suspect that there are specific ways to do it. I'm thinking that it's in our minds, so how we deal with our own minds is where it's at. What we allow to remain in our minds. What we purposefully focus on. How we get rid of recycling troublesome thoughts that don't seem to serve us.
So far, Tony Robbins' ideas about how we generate feelings is the best I've seen on how we handle our own minds. Focus and physical activity seem essential. But, there may be better methods and ideas to be found.
| 2 |
Constant feeling of being overwhelmed
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I work in an English school in my country, I have only a few classes and the rest of the time I usually work as an administrative for whatever is needed.
However, despite me working a total of 7 hrs, I feel really overwhelmed. I always get a bit anxious before classes and feel just so tired all the time.
It has made me a more aggressive person in general since I am constantly in a bad mood.
Parallel to this, I am also finishing engineering school. I am unable to take many uni courses so I am only coursing 1 subject that works by project. But due to feeling more tired, I barely did anything and already missed the deadline.
Same reason I haven't studied much for the final engineering test that is next week. Work and study did not mix together well for me, despite me feeling that I SHOULD be able to handle this.
Finally, I really feel a need to prove myself on another area, different from teacher, something I want to do more like writing. I feel like if I earn money from that, I will feel better about myself, but when I want to start, I feel so guilty about not working on my studies or my work.
So yeah, even writing this made me feel a bit better, but any advise is appreciated.
| 1 |
I am a raging alcoholic. It’s really bad. Talked to my therapist about inpatient rehab, but I’m TERRIFIED of how that will be. I want to get better. Has anyone been to rehab and how was it? Did it help you? So scared I’m slowly killing myself but I just can’t stop.
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I’m so scared that rehab won’t actually help. It’s only 5 days for free, after that $100/day. I’m scared what might happen to me there. Will they allow me my psych meds? Has anyone been to alcohol detox for only 5 days and had it be effective?
I know I’m in a bad way. My emotions are all over the place. I’m lucky if I make it til noon without having at least 5 shots. I’m drinking up to a 5th a day, sometimes more. I’m drunk right now and still have 4 hours left in my work shift. So, I’m a pretty functional alcoholic. I have a delicious burrito in front of me right now, but killed my appetite with booze. Haven’t eaten yet today. Gonna go to the liquor store after and get another bottle.
I’m scared about my liver and heart, and brain. But I just can’t seem to slow down or stop. I keep telling myself ‘just one more day then I’ll slow down,’ but I NEVER slow down, in fact, I’m drinking MORE. It’s always more, more, more.
Please, if anyone has experienced a week of inpatient alcohol detox, let me know what it’s like. Did it help you? Are you able to stay sober? Did you get any medications to help you stop? My therapist and I talked about Anabuse, but he said I could get seizures and die without alcohol! It’s THAT bad!
Someone please help with your experiences. Thank you for reading.
| 300 |
Giving Gifts to my Primary School Teachers - Should I Include the School’s Receptionist?
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Hi! So next week I (19) am visiting my primary school to give gifts (card and box of chocolates each) to my teachers. Don't worry I won't be disturbing them haha, I'll be dropping them off at
reception and heading off. It's been 3 years since I was last there, but I'm assuming that the receptionist is still working there. If so, I would like to give her a box of chocolates too, but no card, since I'Il be speaking with her when dropping off the gifts for the teachers.
Would this be weird? I know this will potentially be the last time I'Il be at the school, so I want to make sure that the receptionist is included in this gesture of appreciation too. And if there is a new receptionist there then I won't give anything because that would be weird, since I've never met them before haha. What do you think?
| 0 |
Best way to address my intense feelings?
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I really want to do many great things in my life but my feelings always get in the way. It is such a pain in the ass too, I wish I could just DO THINGS. I have Bipolar Disorder, ADHD, and Autism plus I also have shyness. I wish I could just push these things away but I still don't how to quite react to them. I am 22 years old which I think is still young. I think I have time left and I have two more semesters of college left.
I have lots of feelings of anger, depression, sadness, resentment, and loneliness. I want to change and I have been going to therapy to fix these things but it is still slow. I feel like I have so much potential and I really can't help but feel cheated. I know yadda yadda I shouldn't look to the past but it is how I feel okay? I would like to change this.
Thank you for reading
| 1 |
People pleasing is a coping mechanism you discovered when young. As a way to find love from your very harsh and hard to impress parent or parents. If you can be perfect/nice/ good enough the maybe, you'll be worth of receiving love.
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In order to reverse this, you must learn to reparent yourself and learn to heal the self-worth deficits you believe you have. My comments and dms are open to questions so feel free to ask.
| 1 |
Any help with this?
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I believe that to have a fulfilling life, one needs to spend a good quality time alone. But what if I can't spend good time alone because I hate the person I am. So I don't really have healthy and sincere relationships with much people. I'm glad I have some, but it's not enough... And the root cause is me not loving myself and wanting to change !
| 1 |
I was a horrible toxic person when I was around 18-19 years old, I'm now 25 and a better person but I'm still haunted by multiple things from the past
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I don't have the mental energy to get into super full details (plus a lot of the details are lost since it's been years) and anxiety was holding me back multiple times while trying to share this story either here or the Anxiety reddit forum
2014 on the internet, one person noticed my blog and wanted to befriend me they introduced me to another site and I befriended them and their friends, things were going okay until later on
Around 2015, I had a lot of socializing and rambling issues (ever since I was a tween) it went to the point where I didn't read the signs of social bubble space which ensued to non stop texting and calling, I ended up losing a friend, after while of noticing they were avoiding me, their friend stepped in and basically said like "Hey so and so doesn't want to talk to you anymore, they found all that texting and calling uncomfortable at the point it's considered emotional abuse" something along those lines, then they cut ties, at that time I still had my idiotic high school brain and I threw a tantrum in anger and sadness, I said a lot of awful things, and overall I lost a lot of friends it went to the point where I got called out online and a lot of people avoided and blocked me, I was an awful toxic person and I fucked up so much, the one person didn't deserved to be treated like that EVER
At that point, I was in shambles and I just wanted to talk to someone, still with socializing issues more folks steered away from me and I learned more and more I was friends with people who turned out to be very cold and shallow along with folks who were just tired of me, I still remember one shouting at me telling me to just "shut the fuck up and move on already"
I've also said and done a lot of dumb shit like blindly defending a guy then finding out they were actually shitty and I quietly cut ties with them as a whole, it went to the point where one whole other group that never liked me in the first place even before all that mess, they decided to torment me even more at the point of sending anonymous death threats and making fun of every little thing I like (hobbies, interests, etc), severely stalking and trying to hate follow me, and a whole lot of other awful things
I wanted to kill myself at that point, I fucked up so much and I just wanted to end it all
Parents stopped me before I could hurt myself along with a couple friends who helped me out
I had only a few true friends left that time that stuck around and helped me to grow as a better person and even helped me with my socializing and rambling issues, and they're still my friends today
A lot of those past groups faded away/moved on/etc and the one other group that tormented me last I heard eons ago it fell apart and their leader turned out to be not a good person and left the internet as a whole
I'm now 25 years old
I'm in a much healthier environment now and with good friends, I've grown up and I know better now, but I'm forever haunted by the fact I'm afraid someone from the past will recognize me then dig up shit I did 5-6+ years ago when I'm a different person now
Couple months ago, I saw something/someone that reminded me of those years and the floodgates of bad memories rolled in at the point where I'm in a constant state of fear and anxiety as of lately that it's taking a huge toll on my physical and mental health
I'm too scared to casually chat with friends and folks as of lately, basically dipping out of friend hangouts, and fear everything will fall apart again and I'll get alienated again like back then
I'm currently waiting on a therapist referral phone call (this will be my 3rd therapist) the last therapist I had (years ago) noted I possibly have some form of PTSD, I'm also going through severe depression and anxiety as of lately, sorry if this was incredibly long but I wanted to un-bottle a lot of things
| 1,448 |
Dealing with comparison
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As college is just around the corner for me, comparison of myself to one of my best friends has become a major issue. My bsf and i am pretty similar, we have similar interests and want to enter a similar field. I am a very competitive person and always have been, even though I don’t win often, I hate the feeling of losing. This year I have started to join more clubs and take harder classes which she also does, this has lead to me comparing us. She always did better than me on our test and received more opportunities than i did. This made me really upset because i felt stupid and like she was better than I am, especially because the class was actually something I want to major in and she doesn’t. Any advice on how I can overcome my jealousy so I can cheer her on and be in a better mental state.
| 2 |
Starting to love myself
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I haven't told you the whole truth a month ago....I have days when I feel like my present self isn't me.
I take my meds sometimes and those days I don't, my BPD is fucking with me.
I get paranoid, I think my boyfriend would leave me, I think people hate me for being who I am ( the band Beartooth mention here) and taking my own life is way better than staying in this fucked up world...
And those days I do, I'm self aware, I love myself, I believe I'm so lucky to have someone who loves me, people are drawn to me for my personality.
I'm starting to love myself again.
I put makeup on, I put purfume on, I wear hot topic dresses that show off my butt, I put my afro in two buns...I love me....
Thanks again for all of y'all for being you.
Until next time. X
| 13 |
Which is a better type of relationship, in your opinion?
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Which is a better type of relationship, in your opinion?
1. Where both parties are always
competing against one another.
2. Where both parties pair up as a
stronger team by making up with their strengths the others short comings, in a
balanced way.
3. Just living with each other because
it is pleasant/convenient at the moment.
| 10 |
Trying new things
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Throwaway account as family knows my regular account
I (19m) live at home with my mom, stepdad and siblings. I want to try new things (somewhat) but one of the main barriers for me is justifying it to my family. It feels weird leaving without an explanation ("I'm leaving, cya") and tends to worry them, but I also don't want to explain what I'm doing. If I tell them what I'm doing then I gotta deal with their reaction and answer their questions. It feels like more of an interrogation than them being interested/curious about what I'm doing, even if they think it's a fun/cool activity. In a perfect world I want to be able to slip out whenever I want to, without having to explain myself and without worrying my family.
Right now I don't really try anything new because of this. I'm considering moving out but I need to weigh the pros/cons first.
(somewhat of a vent but also would like advice)
| 2 |
How do I stop over analyzing/get out of my head in general but specifically in regards to dating
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Overthinking is like a double edged sword for me as it keeps me on toes and has gotten me out of bad situations before they could start. Without trying to sound like a douche, I’d consider myself a pretty logical/hard thinker who approaches stuff methodically and with caution.
As you can see though, this isn’t always the best and I really want to learn how to get out of my head sometimes especially when it comes to talking to girls. You see I can talk to female coworkers, people I’m not attracted to, or girls with bfs just fine in given circumstances but it’s the hard/cold approaches that are tough for me. My brain immediately shoots down wanting to talk to a girl so I don’t look weird or creepy. I guess I also get worried because what if she has a bf, what if I’m making her nervous, what if I don’t ask for a social right away (am I missing my chance here?), et. This obviously isn’t right because there are times when I’ve stepped out of my comfort zone and it wasn’t that bad. I guess I’m just not used to it and need to keep trying?
| 1 |
How to get over the fear of failure
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hi im a 20f and theres a lot I’d like to do but fear holds me back a lot as well as being always anxious of the future.
I like to make youtube videos, and I know it’s unrealistic to become a huge youtuber or anything like that, but I’d like to have somewhat of an audience one day, but I have this fear that what if I fail. I just constantly feel like I’m running out of time.
I’m also worried that I won’t be able to find a job after college, or if I do it’ll be an awful one, things like that. These fears stop me from what I want to do and I just want to know how to stop them from constantly coming back to me.
| 1 |
How to let go of past regrets?
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I recently turned 20, and I’ve had a lot of regrets that stop me from doing what I want to day to day.
To put it simply, I picked up a few hobbies I really enjoy, one of them being the guitar, but I get discouraged when I think about how good I could’ve been at them if I started at an earlier age. And by the time I get good at them, I’ll be a lot older rather than being young. And even when I do get good at them, others my age who started earlier will always be better than me.
I also regret not doing more as a teenager in general and just wasting those years playing games, I just want to stop regretting everything and living in my own self pity. I often tell myself to start now so I don’t regret more in the future but then I cycle back to telling myself it’s too late already.
| 3 |
Set a clear goal the night before and go to sleep with positive expectations for the next day.
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I have been working exclusively as a freelancer for some
time now and one of the most difficult features of freelancing is to establish
a routine methodical enough to be productive and at the same time be able to
enjoy my free time and hobbies with more freedom.
In this search for a daily routine, one of my biggest
challenges has been and still is to get up at a more or less fixed time and go
to bed at more or less the same time.
The reality is that I still find it very hard to get up
early and the sad part is that the morning is my best and most productive time
of the day, so I am wasting it.
I discovered some time ago that setting up a routine the day
before is really effective, but more so is going to bed visualizing that the
next day is going to be a good day and trying to transform the energy of
obligation into energy of change, of gratitude knowing that every day of work
and every advance is a necessary part of my bigger goals.
Perhaps taking a moment to meditate before going to sleep or
connecting that all the good in my life allows me to go to bed with much more
enthusiasm for the next day.
Is this the same for you?
I'd love to hear what other difficulties you have
maintaining your routines and what techniques you use.
Thank you all for reading me!
| 10 |
How to forgive myself for being a verbally abusive, manipulative liar throughout my teens?
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F18
Every since I was around 10 I’ve struggled really badly with my mental health. I was put on antidepressants when I was around 12, admitted into an inpatient psych ward and everything just went downhill from there. My parents are the most loving, caring people I know and have spent thousands of dollars on me and my mental health treatment. And I treated them like shit. I would yell at them, manipulate and lie to them. I told some really, awful, awful lies. I’ve since apologized many times but I still catch myself wanting to argue and be nasty or going through a depressive episode or nervous breakdown. I am really sick of being this way, I hate myself for the way I’ve treated my parents. I really love them and they’re the only people who have been there for me through everything. My mom has told me she has already forgiven me for the things I’ve done and the lies I’ve told. But I can’t forgive myself. I feel like the shittiest person ever. My parents cry and tell me they wish I could see how wonderful I am and all the good things I do and they wish I wouldn’t say mean things to myself. And it breaks my heart because they’re right. I just don’t know where to start with forgiving myself and learning to love myself because I don’t love myself. I want to get better.
| 2 |
Wanting help to make a better me
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I'm student from India, age 24 and I want to be better.
I want to rise above my current situation and help myself out of this miserable life that I have now. I'm preparing for government exams but I am not able to stay consistent for those study due to my course work.
I want to be a better son, but my parents keep going back to their miserable behavior towards me and life in general (yes I live with my parents)
I just want to be better for myself and those around me
Advices and resources are welcomed
Please help me
| 2 |
Better for me means NOT helping unless asked
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All my life, I’ve heard that the best way to find meaning and purpose in life is through serving others.
So I did that. And I’m here to tell you that I hit a wall and have stopped helping unless I am specifically asked for help. And my life is much better for it.
| 15 |
[Serious] PLEASE Help me quit my porn addiction
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I'm 18. I've been beating my dick since I was 14. and I've been exposed to porn from when I was 13 or 12. Thinking back at it now, I can significantly see how deep I've fallen into the rabbit hole. It's a really big downward spiral I was trapped in. I've had multiple extremely suicidal moments in the past. I was depressed pretty much for the entire of the lockdown. I tried to get myself on self-improvement, and things did get a lot better. I quit a lot of the bad habits I had. I now hit the gym daily, I eat significantly healthier, I started meditating(Not that consistent though), I started journalling (Not that consistent with this either). Recently, from someone who jerked off atleast 9 times a week, I'm now someone who does it 2-3 times a week. I can see it I'm almost there, I've almost quit it, but still I keep relapsing. I can't go on it for more than a week. It's destroying my mental health right now, and for some reason lately, after every high dopamine task, I can literally feel searing pain in my brain. I've been relating this to my dopamine receptors being fried.
Help me save myself, how do I take the last step? how do I quit porn once and for all. and how do I not let every minute thing that I come across in life be a trigger for this?
For some context, my triggers seem to be just anything that comes across in my life, like a single instagram post or something that my friend shows which might not even be what I see in it. my entire mindset is fucked I believe. Also I do tend to get the same results when I am alone in the room. and for the times I force myself to see something and jerk off, I usually do it whenever I feel guilty, like wasting too much time or something.
Please, I'm really desperate to do this!! any help in any kind is much appreciated!
| 4 |
Parents not believing/ supporting my goals
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How can you believe you will be successful when your parents put you down/doubt you? I’m majoring in a creative field (graphic design) but despite me explaining my plan, and how I am also studying IT as a backup/ to help me incorporate design and tech even further, I’m still doubted and it hurts me. I already have low self esteem and it makes me feel like I made a mistake by choosing the path I desired to learn about the most. Even if I don’t get the role I wanted out of college, I could always get an unrelated job. It makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong but every other field I was interested in would require me to take massive loans and way more education time than I was planning on. I liked the field I’m aiming for because I can always get more credentials/ qualifications with out a degree, just getting certifications instead.
I guess my question is how can I believe and push to motivate myself when others don’t? And before I get comments on that I chose a useless major, I feel like that argument goes for any major that isn’t computer science, law, or the medical field lol. Not all of us are built for school plus that sort of curriculum and it’s something I struggle with!
The older I get I’m finding it easier to ignore the comments, but knowing I have two more years of school before I get my degree and can leave is depressing me a bit. How can I prove them wrong no matter how many times I’ve explained that the field I want to get into isn’t even relying too much on the art side of things? Should I ignore and just work to be successful and if so, how do I push myself inbetween before I get that goal?
Sorry if this was long and thank you for reading
| 2 |
Words to live by for any situation
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If it’s for you then it’s for you!!
If you didn’t get picked for the job it wasn’t for you right now.
If they broke up with you then they weren’t for you.
If they told you they weren’t interested then they weren’t for you.
If they ghosted then they weren’t for you.
This obviously doesn’t apply to things when it was without a doubt your fault that it didn’t work out. Like if you were stealing at work and got fired or you cheated on your so so they left This doesn’t apply then. this only applies when you showed up genuinely and did your very very best and it still didn’t work out.
| 9 |
how do I start on the self improvement path and convince my parents to let me retake the exams?
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18 F here. I’ve always been a straight A\* student in all my subjects, always been in the top 5. I had board exams earlier this month. This set of exam will decide what I do in the future. They were that important. I’m planning to do medicine.
However, for the past 5 months (since the beginning of 2023) or so I’ve been slacking off. Got addicted to porn, social media and had this urge of going to sites like chatib or so and talk dirty with random strangers, even with guys who were quite older than me. As a result, I failed many of general monthly class assessments and mock exams too. I always found myself watching porn or doing something alike. I don’t know what has gotten into me. When I look around, nothing feels real. As if I’ve got no purpose or any goal in life. I’ve always wanted to be a surgeon but not anymore. I don’t know if that’s how depression is like but I do have my happy moments at least once or twice in a day. I see my parents working so hard for me so that they can send me abroad for my higher studies and that still doesn’t hit me. For most of my board exams, I went totally unprepared. This is not how I was like at all. I was one of those people who’d be done with revision at least a week prior but everything seems to have changed now. I've been constantly lying to my family/teachers/friends even for small things.
It’s the same for my physical health too. I was active before but I hardly even move anymore. I’m not eating right either. I’ve gained weight, I have no motivation to go to the gym or even for a walk. I have no motivation to do anything in life really. Even to do the daily chores. I always feel as if I should go to bed and just sleep for the whole day. I’ve always been praised by my teachers on how I’d always get good grades even on a hard paper but I know I’m going to disappoint my family and my teachers for this set of exam. I know I’ve done bad, left many question and it still doesn’t bother me. I do have an option of retaking the exams in October in case my grades are truly awful but I don’t know how to tell my parents the reason behind my failure. My parents will have to pay double the fee if I want to retake them. They’re very understanding and caring but I don’t know how to convince them so I can resit the exams. It’s going to hurt them so bad if I tell them the reason was porn addiction and that I was talking to random strangers locked inside my room when they thought I was actually studying. On top of that, I’ve lost faith in God too. I was never like this. God was always first for me, no matter what. I don’t know if this is how depression feels like. I just want my old self back.
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Wanting more from my job
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Hey guys, I’m currently in a soul sucking job. I work in medical billing and being constantly yelled at by patients who don’t understand their insurance works or calling me a scammer is really starting to take a toll on me. I know I need a change of scenery but I’ve been applying to a multitude of jobs yet I haven’t heard anything back. I’m not hurting for a job so I’m not to worried about the fact I haven’t heard back from anyone yet but it’s becoming a little discouraging. I a hard worker, easy to get along with, love to solve puzzles and am not afraid of a little hard work. Does anyone know any tips and tricks to maybe help my applications/resumes look more appealing?
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Day 25 | Month 1 | Year 0
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Today, only half the group came for cca, so the coach is able to focus more on teaching us. Now time to sleep so I can wake up early for a leadership handover ceremony
Improvement: sang :D, taught more people (teacher is asking me to help record a video to promote the subject)
Goals for tomorrow: Pass the school day with no issues, set up a list of the smallest steps I can take to achieve my goals
Goodnight or good whatever time it is for you :)
Post written at 11pm exact
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Advice on how I can lose weight please
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Hi everyone, I (17f) have been trying to lose weight for practically my whole life but it's not exactly working. I have always been on the bigger side my whole life and when I was 9, I was able to lose up to 9 kgs (51kg to 42kg) but I moved countries and gained everything back and my weight has not dropped ever since. In the 8th grade, I was devastated to find out in front of my classmates that I was 72kg and I was really bullied for it till the 9th grade but since then I have been really insecure to check my weight at all and I have really struggled to at least maintain the weight. I once sneakily climbed a scale again in 2022 when nobody at all was there to see me and I was averaging 80kg. I climbed once again in March 2023 and to my horror discovered I was 86kg!! I started working out and trying to eat healthy but I have tendencies to overeat every meal and I saw some progress and I was excited. However one morning I woke up and could feel like a double chin and I could feel that my neck was bigger, I thought it's just one of those days where you feel bloated but I now see that most of my dresses that were tight on me cannot even be zipped up anymore (like the zipper lines cannot even come together) and today my mum and I took them for amendments. We returned home and my father (who has narcissistic tendencies and isn't exactly fit himself) just looked at me with disgust and said "Look at yourself, look how fat you are". The thing is he is not the only one saying it, other people have pointed out that I'm gaining weight.
I don't know what to do anymore, I'm working out and gaining weight?? I eat healthy and though I say I overeat I eat just till I can feel the food in my stomach not until I can't eat anymore but they lead to food comas and I immediately sleep when I'm done eating (I believe it is what is making me gain weight).
I really need your help and advice on what to do, sorry if this is long but I'm trying to give as much context as possible.
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You can do it! Keep up the fight!
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Pick one thing and try to do it everyday. Start with your bed because it takes two minutes and has a huge impact. Plus, after a while of sleeping in a clean, smooth bed and you won’t want to sleep in a messy bed again. Also start complimenting yourself in the mirror everyday. Sounds corny but can really help your self esteem. Once you establish a habit, add a new one. And don’t worry about your pace, just keep pushing forward and building on your habits. Remember, you wouldn’t stand at the bottom of the stairs and try to jump up over all of them. Take it step by step. You can do this! I believe in you.
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