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I wish they would think I didn’t lie:( | This is so sad:( | 1 |
Went home to visit family and realized how unhappy everyone is. It broke my heart. | So my grandparents are going through a tough time. My grandpa is becoming more and more demented every day, and my grandpa is so depressed over it. My whole family lives in Arizona, I live in Michigan and I was due for a visit while I’m in-between jobs.
I was prepared to see grandma and grandpa struggling, that’s nothing new. What I was not prepared for was my eyes to be open at how badly my mom, dad and little sister are struggling with each other…mostly my dad.
My dad. We’ve always known something was off. His social skills are non existent and he had a temper growing up that has mellowed out in the years. My relationship with him growing up was tough, he wasn’t always the nicest. But as I became an adult, we mended things and I found the good in him which I’m so thankful for..
However, my little sister can’t, and honestly I don’t blame her. He’s relentless towards her, I just learned last night he wasn’t happy when she decided she wants to get her masters and teach high school. Apparently he doesn’t find that worthy or something. She is so traumatized by him, and I so wish I could help her. It’s useless to try and talk to him about it, he really can’t grasp what he’s doing wrong. I don’t blame her for being mad and hurt, but I hope she finds the good parts of him that I did, and I’m afraid she won’t. My heart hurts for her so much.
My mom is so unhappy, I can tell. We had a honest conversation about if she’s happy or not and the obvious answer is no. I guess her and my dad don’t spend that much time together, and he’s a total ass to her family, always has been, and it’s so disrespectful. I asked her how she was gonna get through the rest of her life with him, she said she doesn’t know. But she also works full time as an oncologist, teaches college students and helps takes care of my grandma. She has 4 other siblings but somehow she gets 90% of the work.
And of course my dad, who has always had issues. I don’t know why he is how he is, but I do know he loves us and I’ve learned the ways he shows it to us. But I know he’s so unhappy too. I don’t know if he’s ever been consistently happy honestly. We have all tried so hard to see the pain he causing and he just can’t. Whatever had been wrong with him all these years is definitely not going away at 73. I love my dad so much, I want him to be happy. But I also love my mom and sister so much, and they don’t deserve this. Thank god my older sister lives out of town too lol.
Not to mention I’m going through all the shit I’m going through. Got beat by my husband and had to press charges, left him, battling dumb shit out in court, lost my job. The stress in my life is just unreal right now.
I came home last night and have been crying about it since.
Anyways, it was a painful trip and I just had to get it out somewhere. Seems like nothing gets read in this group so if you did read this, thank you! | 1 |
Lonliness | Does anyone feel extra lonely recently or just me cuz wtf is this:/
[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/14q2ldy) | 7 |
I just want somebody to tell me that they’re proud of me | I am a shitty person, most would call me an attention seeker. Nearly everything I have ever done in my entire life was for the sole purpose of getting recognition and validation. My gf dumped me a few weeks ago, and she was my last tie to sanity. She was always proud of me and happy for me no matter what happened, now I have no one. My family doesn’t regularly tell me that they’re proud or that they love me or anything, and I feel horrible wanting to be constantly reminded something that isn’t true, there is no reason to be proud of me, I am a fat loser who sucks at my sport and I have no real plan for the future. | 3 |
i cant die because of my little sister | if my baby sister weren't around, i'd kill myself. i cant because i don't want her to feel guilty or anything for my death. this fucking sucks. i cant die but living hurts. fuck everything. all my friends leave and find new people. i am truly just a stepping stone in other peoples lives | 7 |
Yeah i need to post here | Since over à year, more than ever i feel like adulthood is already on me and i didnt even get to be à teenager. Like ive been thinking about jobs, taxes and uni before i could even think about having à girl which i think sounds so basic and i now realise that im far behind socially because i didnt act my age when i should have, and at the same time did not grow (or progress if you prefer) as an adult because i simply was not. I saw all of my friends turn into adults while i didnt change one bit in the past 5 years and i feel like ive been left behind. Plus since ive moved around à lot ive never got the chance to make close friends but only temporary ones that i would stop seeing after 3-4 years which needless to say is not à lot. Hell i even tried to vent about it to one of my closest friends that ive known for à surprisingly long amount of time since i left and he told me it was à good thing i was acting so mâture but well here i am now writing à paragraph about how i skipped one step in life that i definitely shouldnt have skipped and regret about it. | 3 |
Why doesn't anyone talk to me? | No, I'm not asking to be flooded with conversations but I don't get why almost every conversation I have on here ends after 2-3 sentences. I'm a pretty normal person. I have interests that span from movies to music, sports to starwars. Sometimes, I even offer to draw people (for free)... and just silence.
I literally thought that my app was broken or maybe my posts were not posting.. Idk. Guess it's just me.
It's just disheartening. | 9 |
im so tired of him getting princess treatment | my brother goes to college, hes 25, lives with us meaning me mom and dad and he doesnt work or do any work around the house. im so fucking tired of my parents constantly yelling at me about how i never do anything around the house WHEN I DO and while theres a 25 year old MAN IN THIS HOUSE WHO LIVES LIKE A LITERAL LEECH. Ive NEVER met someone more selfish than him in my life. Any time my parents tell him to get a job or do chores he always says hes too busy with homework? HOW!? Yet he has the time to play video games and say racial slurs and yell at people online? But I know why they are so tolerant of him, because he isnt like me, he puts his interest before his pride and sucks up to them. He can come and yell at me in my room for hours but im still the bad guy lol. I LITERALLY ALWAYS STAND UP FOR HIM AND I GET YELLED AT WHILE HE DOESNT EVEN CARE AND GOES TO HIS FUCKING ROOM AND SITS THERE. THERE IS A 9 YEAR AGE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN US. I DONT FORGET ANYTHING AND I CERTAINLY HAVENT FORGOTTEN ALL THE TIMES I HELPED HIM WITHOUT EVEN A THANK YOU. THE LEAST YOU CAN FUCKING DO IS LEAVE ME ALONE | 2 |
i dont know anymore | i dont like myself im a big dude im not smart im worried for my future im not attractive i lie thinking at night if im gonna die alone ive lose 3 family members all extremely close to me all in 2 years im not completely lonely i have friends and family but im not sure i feel like im a disappointment to my family i have a get mad easily and i dont like that i about my self | 2 |
I'm really scared I'm going to die | My chest dropped again. And I can't get lab work done until I'm over my sickness.
I'm terrified right now. I can't even relax on my couch and rest because I don't know when my chest is going to jolt and drop again. I'm thousands of dollars in debt from having the paramedics come check me out because of this one issue. Not even counting all the others.
And the one that comforted me the most (The thought of) proved to me that they don't give a shit about me. I didn't even have the chance to fully explain all the issues I've been dealing with because they couldn't even be bothered to open the previous message from three days ago.
They always do this. They are actively thirsting over other girls instagram but wont respond for days. First they ruined my life by discarding me coldly and when I tried to get in touch they did this. They left me in a black hole of dispair. I'm scared I'm going to die and no one cares. :( | 17 |
I feel like a Monster 😔 | Now, i have depression since i was 10, i overthink everything and i tried to kill myself 4 times, but the post Is about something else.
Today i went outside ti do some pest control with my airgun (i arleady do that sometimes, and i got 3 birds and 3 mice), i saw a magpie (they are a problem because they eat other birds eggs and they eat our crops), and i aim at his vitals to get a Quick kill, but i accidentally move the gun slightly before i took the shot. I shot It in the back of the Wing (i think) and It ran away, tried to shoot It again but missed because It was running and It was pretty far. I feel like a Monster, yes i wanted to kill It but i wanted it's death to be Quick, and i accidentally made It suffer, poor Little animal, It didn't deserve that 😞 | 3 |
Ex sad | My exlover always asking me about lend a money 😒😒
He never said miss you. | 3 |
Saw my dad with his new daughter | She’s an 8 month old baby from another mother (he cheated on my mom for 7 years)
I am his first daughter.
She’s supposed to be my half sister but it feels like a stab in the heart every time I see them. I just can’t love her. He adores her, while he doesn’t even talk to me for months. I’m an adult already and I thought I didn’t care but I just can’t stop feeling replaced.
Most of my childhood he spent in another country studying, I missed him so much every single day. Then he came back and it just wasn’t the same. I miss what it could have been. The father I could have had. The love and kind words he tells the new one, I wish I was still told. Yet this is reality, he’s not the man I thought he was and will never be. Just need to accept this is how it is. | 22 |
Would you say someone's health anxiety is less valid if it's expressed/comes out as anger? | I'm so upset and disappointed in myself. I have a lot of anxiety around health/death usually I'm able to manage my anxiety okay but I want to guess it's because I'm due on my period in a couple of days but I got so anxious/upset earlier(btw rn I have a cough/phlegm and nose cold, and this has just kind of skyrocketed my health and death anxiety) that I actually ended up knocking/bashing one of the lightswitch covers on the wall to the point of it breaking
[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/14pkhxr) | 3 |
Its not over, just... Listen for a moment | I've been scrolling on this subreddit for a while and Its evident to me that alot of this place is quite troubled people. I know, I know it's obvious but I just wanted to say that someone out there cares dearly for you more than you can imagine so why throw your life away. I've lost my friend to suicide a year ago and I know how it feels I know how heartbreak feels I know how depression feels it all sucks but... You have to stay strong. YOU have to keep going, YOU have to take action
See the world for the best when you are shown the worst.
-H | 4 |
Fellow human | I can't endure it no more fellow human. i throw everything and makes a move to another country to seek new chance of life.
but after getting scammed by job agent and jobless now i have nothing. no friends no job and a dead visa. I'm thinking of ending it soon. I'm exhausted mentally and physically. 🥲
I'm offering my self to people who wants to taste his first kill. | 2 |
i keep falling in love with the only person i can talk to about my feelings | i don't even know where to start, i've liked her since we first met, but didn't have the courage to confess. a year went by and we got sent to different classes and drifted apart. in that year i started dating another girl, and when we broke up she was one of the only persons that i felt like i really could talk to, and she ended up helping me a lot.
i don't even know if she's bi or straight, but every goddamn year i fall in love with her again. i just wanted to confess my feelings but im afraid to fuck up my friendship with the only person i can talk to about my problems. i don't know what to do anymore, i really like talking to her so my head keeps trying to find a reason to do that. | 9 |
IM GOING CRAZY | My life legit sucks rntheres sm i wanna say but i font know how to put it in words forstly to begin with my family is shit and then my friends who im so colse with are spending enough time with me because all they care is abt their stupid council a thing in my sch.
Which is making me mad bcuz no one knows Joe I feel on another hand there's this one girl who was supposed to be my best friend but bcuz if our differences we are not that close. I'm gonna die i dunno what ro do loneliness can become the death of someone! | 1 |
Panicking | My boyfriend has been sounding upset for the past few hours I've been on the phone with him, and just a few minutes ago, there was a sound over the phone and then he said hold on and muted himself for a few. He just hung up after and isn't responding and I don't know if somethings wrong or if I'm wrongfully worried or something. I don't know what to do and I really need some quick responses, please. I'm panicking. | 3 |
Do yall care | Like ik the answer i j dont see a point fr like is life just fucking hell all the damn time | 7 |
I just want help or death (16M) | Please I need advise or help. I cant stop thinking sexual thoughts im sick and tired of feeling creepy and weird being single and depressed im too unpopular and hated to ask anyone out im 17 this month and I hate it because it now reminds me im getting older and still haven't found anyone and feel i will never find love because it seems like its way harder to find love in the modern world than it was before I was born. I also have urge to delete my social media accounts because I mostly use then to stalk but then I get my other half of my brain wich does the opposite than what my good half wants so I sadly get the accounts back I also have a severe porn addiction and wish to learn to control my erections i think im becoming a incel or even worse a pedophile I wish I could get rid of my genitals because I'm not worthy of having them they are useless and just brake me like humanity. I also experience a lot of suicidal thoughts and I'm very scared there is no fixing me I don't get much attention from my family my mother thinks that I'm alright I've been telling her over and over about my suicidal thoughts but she doesn't seem to care and im too embarrassed to tell her about my other problems I've also developed a weird kink that I'm ashamed to have I just wish I could reach out for help or kill myself before I ruin someone's or somebody's life or become something deadly like a murder I feel completely broken I will never find love. (Please don't say hateful comments because I get enough hate irl) | 8 |
Finding love feels too distant and unattainable. | I want to love and be loved in return but I feel unlovable. There are too many obstacles I can think of getting in the way of me ever finding love that I want. I know its selfish of me to want to drag someone into all this mess and I hate that I want love while it seems like it's not in the cards for me. Everyone wants sex and we live in a hookup culture. All I've ever been wanted for was my body by creeps. I want to be more to someone than just that. I don't want sex to be a requirement that I have to check off in order to prove I'm worthy of love or to prove my love for someone. I've never even been in a relationship and I'm 20 and I'm not even ready for one anyways and it's gonna take awhile to work on everything I have to work on, years perhaps. I cannot convince myself someone wouldn't just settle for me or abuse me given all that I have to work on. If I were ever in an abusive relationship I would have a harder time trying to leave. I want to find love but cannot trust that someone wouldnt take advantage of me given the following:
1. I'm asexual
2. I can't drive
3. I don't have a job. I am currently trying to put my art on social media and get enough followers so I can do commissions and get money somehow to atleast be a little bit competent.
4. I don't want kids
5. I'm too shy and cowardly to approach or talk to the people I like
6. I don't have good self-esteem
7. I don't trust easily and have a fearful avoidant attachment style
8. I'm not that attractive and have a big nose all while being a female. My eyebrows aren't that great either and I have natural bags under my eyes.
9. I'm neurotic and prone to low moods so I wouldn't be anyone's ray of sunshine. I hear people talk about how they hate negativity and I can't seem to ever be happy or satisfied
10. Can't follow instructions well or do things right the first time due to neurodivergence.
11. Not very bright/smart
12. Not useful or helpful because I'm clueless in most situations where everyone else knows what to do.
13. Not a good cook. (Can only cook food from the store with boxes that have instructions, can't cook anything original or from scratch)
In conclusion I would have nothing to offer other than the bare minimum stuff like loyalty and not cheating. I feel like I have no value or worth because of this. | 3 |
I feel like I can’t do anything | I’m tired of it. All the complaining. Trying my best and it’s not enough. The disability and struggling with health. Not measuring up at work. Being bipolar. I never asked to be this way and struggle like this. I just feel I can’t do it, I can’t be better at some jobs, I’ve tried. | 5 |
Sad hours | Y’all ever feel it so much that even video games don’t make u feel anything? | 2 |
I don’t want to live anymore | I’m just a ugly fat loser who can’t do shit , the only reason I’m not is because I don’t want to fail and be still alive
Everyday I feel alone , there was a party in my town today , I was alone the entire day, trying to talk to people , but I was ignored or rejected
I never had work,or girlfriend, or social life, I’m not even on apps ,I’m just a fucking loser living in my bedroom
I have been in a martial art club for less than 2 years, there are conflicts and people who will leave, every time I am somewhere, it never lasts
It’s my birthday in 15 day , 1 years have passed, I will be 25yo and I’m still the same person , I just hope I die before being 26 | 8 |
I'm a complete failure | I've never achieved anything in my life and I don't have any skills or talents. I have wasted my life and I'm never getting it back. There's no hope for a failure like me and it's only a matter of time before I slit my throat. | 2 |
Sadddd | the only fact that broke my heart was hearing my mother cry and wishing my own death | 2 |
Drifting Towards Extinction |
I've come to give you a headache with my mental pain in the hopes that social interactions will somehow give me some relief. You can make mine hurt too.
​
1-The kneeling of the pursuit of value in the face of pure reality.
Whether pathetic or exuberant, my outlook on life is always bound to be shaped by the reactions of my animal instincts, I never need to add excessive drama or write novels about it. My total defeat is a very possible possibility, thanks to the considerable decline of my vital activities, there is hardly any need for consolation. It could even be called a human-made fake thing.
Just because I'm smarter than a dumb person doesn't mean I'm smart, I can just be less stupid. It shows in what's going on in my life. The lives of other people whose wealth level is much lower than me does not prove that I am lucky, I am only good when compared to them, and another person takes a lesson by looking at me.
Really, we should determine the values by how we want to feel, we can't give a voice to our lives with what happens to other people, we can't really touch our inner world.
There are other ways to understand how valuable the things we have are, if that is our goal. “Did what I have really been the right tool or source of support to give me a sense of accomplishment?” It is with this question that true happiness can be sought. Many of those who use that stereo typical mode of gratitude have always failed to see this. They have destroyed their own true standards by claiming that the only way they can make things valuable is to compare them with less valuable things.
I wouldn't be wrong if I say at this point my life is horribly bad, because my own wishes and dreams decide it, and they are perfectly right. I would like to mention that I do not claim that this will be a direct extinction.
Many factors will lead me to self-destruction soon, such as my social environment and position, the maximum level of my potential pleasures, in short, life is not worth striving for.
​ | 3 |
Hi everyone | Everyday feels like Groundhog Day.I don’t want to feel selfish,I don’t want to make people feel bad for me ,And I don’t want anyone going through somthing taking this as fuel to try somthing,I am so tired of life ,I always been a shy person ,didn’t date until I was 24,Lost that person twice ,I wasn’t ther first option ,I never felt useful,I been diagnosed with depression at 5 anxiety at 8 ,some things I have (ptsd,ADD,GAD,panic disorder with OCD body dysmorphia) I blame everything on myself ,I feel everyone around me,I haven’t be in anytype of romantic relationship in 4 years ,I feel like there is somthing wrong with me I do go to therapy ,I just feel like I’m drowning,I am afraid to get out of bed everyday,Due to being scared to face the world I work all day just to have 4 hours to myself idk what to do | 3 |
Idk anymore | Hi all, I'm a bit of a loner and I very much dislike talking to people I know about my feelings, so I thought I'd give it a try here.
For the past year and a half I've been getting more and more unhappy and I can only admit it's my own fault, but I just don't know if anything in my life is still worth it. It started right after a bad breakup with who I thought was the rest of my life. We were together for almost 4 years, and somewhere during that time I became addicted to gaming, became lazy, quit sports, became unhealthy and simply worthless. We had many fights about it, but that didn't stop me from doing all of that. At the start, I tried thinking the breakup was for the best, that we weren't meant for eachother, but I slowly started realizing that I screwed up and disrespected the one I loved so much for so long. That thought stuck with me and it started fueling my addiction even more. Locking myself up and being on the computer for as long as I could every day to try and forget everything, losing my job because I didn't do my job well enough anymore and I just kept on being in front of my computer for nearly a year without looking for a new job. Then something happened, I met someone. Somehow, that girl unknowingly made me realize I needed to turn my life around, be healthy again, find a job, and I did. I really enjoyed talking to that girl and one day on a date there was that specific moment when she laughed at one of my jokes and I don't know how, but I fell in love like I never did before. We saw eachother a couple more times and kept on texting and calling eachother, and then suddenly something changed. It went from her telling me she was looking for a serious relationship and that she had a great feeling with me, to her saying she's a happy single and she wasn't looking for anything serious at the moment but that she'd still want to see where "us" could lead to but that she does talk to other guys as well. Despite my efforts to keep in touch by texting, asking her out, etc.. it took more and more time for her to text me back and she declines my asking her out because she always has plans at that time. I quit texting contacting her and I feel like it's my fault because I wasn't good enough or maybe it's something else that I did that I'm not aware of. Everything I've ever done in my life was nothing but a failure that has lead to me being alone and I don't think I've ever made anyone proud of me. I just don't really see the point of it anymore. Anyway, I'm not gonna read all this again because I might just end up erasing it all and it might not all make sense, but I thought maybe I could get answers here or someone here has or had a similar experience and wants to talk about it..
Thank you for having taken the time to read all of this. | 2 |
What happened yesterday | For some backstory, my cousins and I are very close same goes for my uncles and aunts we are basically like brothers and sisters. Early in the morning I got woken up to my moms screams, me and my brother went downstairs and everyone is crying. Then they say that my my cousin had a stroke, (we live in America and our cousins were moving from Bangladesh and we heard the news from there) me and my brother were in complete shock of what had happened, my dad went to go pick our aunt and uncle from their apartment because we wanted everyone together (our other aunt and uncle had 2 kids, one of them had a stroke) my mom who is in complete shock is crying and screaming over what happened and we try to comfort her but know it won’t work, my brother gets a call from our uncle who lives in jersey and he asks what’s the situation, it wasn’t good. My brother than hangs up the phone and my mom asks what happened and he said they are in the hospital but my brother leaves a part out. He walks to me and whispers in my ear in Bangladeshi which translates to “it’s over” and that he is dead. My dad came home after picking them up and everyone is crying and my dad is trying to stay strong and is doing everything for us and is trying to keep us ok. Our cousin who suffered from the stroke had visited us from Bangladesh because he went to America by himself for college and he had a bright future after he visited us he left clothes and slides with us , we called him over the clothes and he said it’s fine when he is back he will get it. 2 months later and everyone is moving to America and so is he he was supposed to me on a flight on the tenth but just this morning we got the news.
I needed someone to share this with | 2 |
May 25th, 2023 ... so long | I don't really wanna think about this but
He killed himself.
He was gone. Even though I was just an online friend, he meant alot. He was the first one I met on the game .
I play a game called ARK and I played in a server once ( I have a separate post for that in detail)
He was the first friend of mine who played with me and helped me throughout.
Instead of killing me and making fun of me like all the pros, he didn't. He helped and alot.
But one day he just stopped playing and when I asked him why on discord he would say he broke his arm. He didn't talk for 2 years after that until... I got a message
His sister got his discord account and told that he committed suicide back then and they were in grief. I stopped playing for a week then and was drowned in thoughts. Damn he was the best and kindest there. But he was gone for good
All those memories in vain. And how I was betrayed further... | 2 |
Anyone want to join a positive discord community for venting, getting support and advice? | I call it the safe space. It’s a place you are allowed to vent about whatever you want and even get support or advice about things as well. There are tons of other unique channels including motivational pictures, games you can play, and chatting with other members. All of us support each other through life’s tough times! 🙏 Age requirement is 16+ | 9 |
I constantly feel sad and want to take my life |
This is a 2 year old throw away account so I won’t be active and I don’t use Reddit much
So uh where do I start I am a 17 M I’ve felt like this for what feels like forever maybe since I was 14 at the time when suicidal thoughts happened I was able to brush them off as my brain just joking with me, at the time my best friend had taken his life and on top of that I finally told my parents how I was groomed by a homosexual 32 male when I was 8 but still I pushed on not thinking about anything bad in particular but I would find myself crying in class or at home I tried to hint that I felt some way but no body really picked up on the hints w which was fine I didn’t care I was 14 I had so much to do. Right? When I was 15 I realized my suicidal thoughts weren’t just jokes i actually felt like ending it i didn’t know how to cope I thought maybe I needed to be more open I felt like I would become happier if people around me where happier. Me and my friends had gotten into weight lifting and we where able to all hang out during lunch lifting weights I thought I was getting better I felt happier I thought I didn’t have to tell anyone how I felt because I was “getting better” but when summer came and I was alone I found myself having nightmares about me ending things or my friends surrounding me telling me do it, to end it. It affected my mental health but in the end it was just nightmares how difficult could they be to deal with I told myself it turns out very difficult. Also around this time I opened up to my extended family about how I was groomed it took me a sec but it had felt good until my cousins put me in a fking Snapchat gc and called me a liar and said I was making it up I cried for hours I didn’t know what to do but I still told myself it’s whatever. Nothing got better when I was 16 all I did was push some friends away or get into fights I tried opening up to my gf about how I felt but we ended up breaking it off she said I relyed on her to much but she ended up recently asking to get back together after not being in contact for several months I’m not sure what to do. Nowadays I just feel empty like I can’t open up after all I’m a man do you think people would care I’m supposed to me strong an emotless, I’m not gonna “reach out” to friends and I won’t go to therapy I don’t want to be close to anyone and I don’t feels like being on this earth so instead I rant online to strangers what am I supposed to do w myself I feel like a failure and I think I might be depressed and I know I need help but I don’t want any bc I feel like men don’t get help. | 4 |
I’m depressed | And nobody can help or really care to be honest even if they could they would choose not to help cuz thats just the reality I’m all alone | 2 |
I feel like a burden | My entire life I’ve felt like a burden. So when I turned 18 I got a job because those few days I wasn’t at home I felt like I wasn’t bothering anyone at home and I felt like I was finally blossoming into the person I’ve always wanted to be. During that time I was supposed to be going to school but i just kept walking away from it because it didn’t give me that instant feeling of being in control of my life as much as work did. The entire time I didn’t save a dime and just kept telling myself that at least I was still going. Things started going south the minute work became my only social outlet. I’ve never really had many friends and always envied people with big friend groups. But with working I have all my coworkers. I got a job at 20 at a restaurant that I reallly liked and there were so many people around my age I felt so amazing going into work and being the star employee with so many people around I could talk to at any time. But I was failing school like crazy. It drove me nuts and this year it got so bad my gpa is a 1.87. I thought I could go to school the next year and take classes to get back up on my feet academically but the costs scared me so bad. And my dad didn’t want me taking out a loan I had no idea what I was going to do. Yesterday my parents asked for my transcripts and there was no more hiding that I’ve been failing and of course they were upset. I just feel like this entire time I’ve been trying to become everything else but a burden while doing the exact opposite and now I’m literally back at square 1. They made me quit my job and I have no one to ask for a hug from. I want to kill myself but that would make everyone upset too. I want to do better but I just feel so disappointed in myself idk what else to do other than continue to feel sorry for myself. Maybe I’ll do better this upcoming semester. I’ll quite literally have to if I want to do anything worth while with my life and I’m to privileged not but everything just went so down hill so fast. I still somehow feel like it’s 2021 and I still have time but I don’t. I’m completely out of time. I’ve completely failed and now I have to dig myself out of the deepest hole I could’ve ever dug for myself. I hate how I always fail by myself. I hate that I never ask for help and just get scared and lock up and fail even harder. I want to do better I really do. I just hope my dad doesn’t get so upset with me everytime a new assignment comes up or during the meeting with the college with have coming up soon. I spent this entire time trying to not be a burden and now I’m a huge burden all over again. I did so bad I don’t know what to do with myself anymore. | 1 |
In need of professional help | I need a professional help but I know I can't afford to visit a therapist. The other part of me fells like I'm gonna waste their time. I can't do it alone. | 6 |
I’m so tired | My sister killed herself today and I relapsed | 8 |
Daily rant being depressed mf | I hate life so much I don’t even see the point of living I wish I could just die or disappear i dont belong anywhere I don’t know what I did to deserve what I’m going through right now throughout my life ive reflected Ive never really been happy my parents wish they didnt have me I used to have a lot of friends but nobody actually cares about me I’m hard to love I was never chosen now I dont have anyone I’m on my own its not so much different full of emptiness full of voids running away would be embarrassing id rather just die delete this identity and start fresh somewhere else where nobody knows me | 1 |
I’m sad | Honestly I can’t seem to find a way out of this the only solution or way out i can come up with is to die or run away but i dont have money so ig running awah wouldnt be possible dying is the easiest solution | 0 |
The day my grandma died | People keep saying that their grandmas keep calling them “handsome” or “I bet all the girls like you” but my grandma didn’t live long enough to tell me any of that. | 3 |
What song(s) makes you emotional? Why? | My #1 has to be Yebba’s Heartbreak by Drake. Went through a really rough time when it came out and now I cry a little every time I hear it. | 2 |
I want to be happy again | I joined the military in an attempt to get away from my family and home so I could experience new things and travel but, it’s just not an enjoyable experience, I’ve been in for a year and half so far and just want out. I want to be happy again. I want to be around my family again. I want to be around my best friend again, I miss her the most. Soon I will be able to start my classes for transitioning out though. So not too long. | 3 |
I feel bad | I said something I shouldn't of on this app and it was something I really cared about and what I said came off the wrong way and I think I made someone feel really bad
now I feel really bad and I'm shaking and I'm ready to cry, because it's something I really care about and the way I worded it made someone think I don't at all, it makes me know question if I actually care that much or idk, I know I do but now I feel bad, and I responded back but I feel like their just still going to mad but I feel horrible because it was about a serious topic and I think I offended them, and I feel terrible, I really hope someone non judgmental responds, I would tell my friends about thus but they'd demand to know what I said and they would probably take the other person's side and make me feel worse, I didn't mean to hurt anyone if I did
any advice??? | 2 |
Right person, wrong time. I [M20] just want to forget about her [F19]. |
My parents went on a cruise ship for the whole week. So, i had a free house for the whole week. I basically spent it studying and going out for walks. Then, one day, i invited my friends (we're a group of 5) and, among them, there's this girl i really can't forget about. We've all been classmates for 5 years, and this girl once confessed me her feelings (during second year... we were both around 15 yo). I told her i only saw her as a friend (she was as attractive as now, but i didn't know her that much as a person).
Long story short, she then got a boyfriend, they broke up more than a year ago, and now she's single and basically focusing on herself. I really like her, not just physically. We've been to Rome together, we've shared various special moments, i really love every small detail of her: the way her clothes in her luggage were so untidy, the way she laughs, her energy... i really can't put it in words.
I've never had a girlfriend and i have very very few friends... i really don't want to ruin our friendship, also considering the fact that i know she's not interested in me (i don't have any proof but, you know...). I'm miserable right now. I've been thinking about her for 2 years, and I just want to forget about her smile, her goofy way of winking, her voice... but i can't.
The choice of the flair isn’t casual… there are other reasons why i’m really starting to have some thoughts, and thinking about her doesn’t make things easier at all | 4 |
I am jealous of my best friend. | I am jealous of my best friend, i dont hate her despite belief. Neither of us have had good lives, both of us going through multiple traumatic events in our lives. Everyone seems to prefer her to me. She is extremely pretty, multiple guys ask her out everyday, her exs come back for more. There is this one movie called "The Duff", a duff is a designated ugly fat friend. I believe that is what I am. I have only had one boyfriend in my life and it didn't last long. She always I guess "brags" about the guys that ask her out. I know she doesn't do this intentionally but it makes me fry knowing that I have never had that type of attention. Everytime she's at my house she's texting multiple guys, has hooked up with more people than I can count and I still have my v card. Everybody wants to be friends with her but not me, I am kind of tossed to the side? We love eachother and I would die for her but I am jealous beyond belief. I do know everyone has their own problems that they deal with but this is kinda just the way I feel. I dont want to be jealous but I am. please don't mind spelling errors it is 3am while typing this and I am sobbing so that's why lols. | 1 |
Lost an online friend | I had this online friend for about 4 and a half years. For the first 2 years we were best friends. We would talk everyday and text every change we got. On the third year we took a random break but then resumed talking. We werent as close but still friends. About a few months ago he got a gf and we stopped talking. Today he unadded me on every social media and it hurts so much. I know it might seem stupid but we had such a connection for such a long time and its breaking my heart not contacting him. Every time he was in a relationship it took a toll on our friendship and now hes gone for good. I know i need to move on because people come and go but i dont think i can. I want to make another account and beg him to come back because its his gf that made him do it. | 3 |
I hate myself | I hate everything about myself.
My number one irritation, though, is my feelings. I hate having them. I hate experiencing the bad ones. I hate that they're so hard to figure out. And I hate that when I feel so weak, vulnerable, and out-of-control, I hurt myself to have some source of stability. I had a relapse the other day, and it sucks. I've had some issues with a lot of things recently, and it's just getting worse. My mother and brother are both becoming abusive again, my mom is trying to switch schools, and I feel like a failure for other things I won't get into. I used to want to be a lawyer, and I worked so hard this year to get a 4.0 GPA, but once I'd learned that it was what my mother wanted me to do rather than what I wanted to do, I'm lost. I don't know what to do with my life. The only thing I'm sure of is that I want to stay with my boyfriend through all of it.
I hurt myself again the other day because I feel out of control and dazed, and I know the only things that bring me back down to earth and to reality is pain or freedom/happiness (that feeling like everything is gonna be just fine and there's nothing to worry about), so I sliced my skin. I know its stupid, past cuts are already scarring, but I don't know what else to do. I know it's not healthy, but if I don't feel in control of my life, I feel trapped, even worse so than when I was SA'd. I have a lot of trauma that was denied of its existence by the one who caused it, and it hurts. I've been having panic attacks, and it just feels like it's gonna get worse. I know I won't try to end my life, I'm terrified of the idea of death and I have some reason to live, but I'm feeling stuck.
Sorry about my ramble. | 6 |
Men are awful | Had a date with a guy. Told me was getting ready, on his way, then he blocked me. Why do you guys do this? Its awful to make someone feel this way, especially when they’re battling depression | 18 |
Last night, I saved a life. | I'm 16 years old and last night, I saved a man from taking his own life.
I was cycling on my bike to meet my girlfriend, I was halfway there I was at the tallest bridge in my city when I saw a man standing on the railing. I got off my bike and ran over to the man to try and talk to him. He was quiet the entire time, while I held him back from the railing I was on the phone with the police. They said that they would be there as fast as they could. I hung up because I needed to try to get verbal contact with the man. He was crying, but didn't talk to me at all.
The police arrived and took him inside the police car. They asked me some questions and drove off.
When I met my girlfriend I broke down in tears immediately. I can't describe the sadness that is in me atm. It's such a surreal feeling.
If you are thinking about commiting suicide or have any thoughts at all, please seek professional help. | 24 |
sad about family drama | this will probably be pretty long but just writing it out helps.
finally finished undergrad and was really struggling for a while last semester….relationship issues/broke up w/ my girlfriend. i was depressed and burnt out and not the best person, which is also why my relationship suffered.
anyway i finally graduated w/ honors and for the last few months my family has been planning (mostly deciding on the date) a graduation party in my family’s backyard. i dont make it home too often since being at school and was excited to see a lot of family and old friends who i dont see a lot. i thought it would be a cookout or something but my mom really went over the top and has been buying tons of decorations and booked a caterer. i didnt mind any of this as i enjoy hosting and she seemed super excited. we have been planning together the last month. we have a big yard so just deciding where to put games/seating, stuff like that.
this past week my parents rented a lake house for a week, and we invited a few close family members, mainly my older siblings and their spouses.
i have a younger brother who i do not get along with. i feel he is spoiled and naive and my parents have always coddled him. my whole life any time he did something to me (like call me fat) i was told to just get over it because he was younger and he was just trying to annoy me. fine. in high school i realized i was queer and started dating a girl without telling my conservative parents. i came out to my younger brother and he reacted oddly and held it over my head for weeks, threatening to tell my parents if i didnt do what he said. i was horrified and lived in fear. i eventually came out to my parents because i was very upset when i that relationship ended. they were nice at first but eventually said they didnt prefer that for their child and my dad tells me he doesnt care who i date, but he does not believe in gay marriage so go figure. therefore my brother doing this to me is something they know nothing about.
whatever, i have tried to move past this with my brother as i am always told to be the bigger person. my brother didnt go to college and i would always invite him to my college apartment to hang w/ my friends, and he has been a rude guest most of these times. picking fights w/ my friends, not listening to my roommates or i, making a mess, etc.
lately, his new thing is that he has “found jesus christ” and also vehemently believes that the world is flat. my parents dont really care about either of these things. in their mind as long as someone’s physically healthy they are fine. i dont really care what my brother believes but the problem is he has become VERY preachy. like will grill my friends and myself constantly about the earth and religion. i havnt invited him over in a while.
because of all these reasons, i am pretty on edge and irritable around him. at the rental we got into a few fights. a lot of it stems from his tendency to be unaware of his surroundings. instead of calmly handing something he will almost always throw it instead. this drives me insane as it has lead to many unwanted occurrences and i generally do not like sudden unanticipated movements. i am constantly asking him not to throw things.
the final morning we were there (packing up to leave) he woke up late and needed to strip his bed. he gathered the entire load completely together (quilt sheets pillows etc) and without warning launched it down the narrow staircase where i had been crossing the bottom. when this happened the bedding bundle hit a large wooden framed painting on the wall and sent the corner of it flying right into the side of my knee. i have hip dysplasia that i am in PT for and i have a lot of chronic pain in that leg already. immediately blood is gushing from my leg and he was just standing there like “wow” so i started screaming at him as i was in a lot of pain and i looked down and there was a chunk of skin missing from my leg.
my brother said “sorry bro” nonchalantly and then kept calling it a freak accident like nothing is ever his fault. and then my dad of course starts defending him like always. my mom told them to stop talking to me and leave me alone and they both just kept talking and wouldnt stop talking to me so in my pained state i told them both to fuck off and my dad LOST HIS MIND. i was sitting down bent over my leg trying to stop the bleeding while my mom looked for band-aides and my dad bent over me and got in my face saying “do you know who youre talking to?! you fuck off!” i really had my back up at this point so i screamed fuck off back and then we were both just in each others faces screaming until finally my mom said she was having a panic attack and we stopped. i then rode home w/ my older sister who was still there and havnt spoken to my brother or father since. i heard from my mom that they are both expecting an apology. i apologized to my mom for causing her stress and i told her id apologize to the boys if she wanted but she basically freaked out and said she didnt want to be involved with any of us and that she was cancelling the graduation party. i couldnt believe she would do this and i tried to call but she wouldnt answer and then she told me she cancelled the caterer and for me to uninvite everyone i invited. i feel so embarrassed to have to uninvite people, especially those who i havnt seen in a while and have confirmed w/ a few times. it’s such a mess and it has me feeling really sad. i dont love being the center of attention but i was excited to hangout in the yard w/ my friends and family who i dont see a lot. i am sitting here crying as i type. i didnt even want to go to college originally and i worked so hard through the pandemic and different life situations to make my family proud and i just wanted this one day that has been hyped up for months. i know it sounds silly because there are people a lot worse off and it makes me feel dumb for being sad about a stupid party but im just in pain physically and emotionally at this point and i cant take it. i am devastated. i feel like this was some last straw in my relationship w/ my immediate family. they will never think they are wrong. i definitely blew up but it wasnt out of nowhere. i would apologize and move on if they would as well but it doesnt seem to be the case. i am so very sad and just feel really alone. | 2 |
Expectations are the devil. | I'm just so over everything.
I expect too much. I care too much.
I want to stop expecting. I want to stop caring.
But I'm incapable. Because I'm "soft hearted," as my Dad used to say.
I used to think it was a good thing.
It's not. It's awful.
I wish I could turn off emotions. I fucking hate them so much. I don't want to care anymore. | 3 |
They abandoned me... | Hello. I'm a 16 year old who really likes games lol
I play a game called ARK: survival evolved. I played online on a server for 6 months...6 fucking months
I made a lot of 'friends' there
Or so I thought...
Playing there I was an alpha, an experienced player, I taught them.
I would occasionally talk with them on discord where we had the server in there. It was fun hanging out getting to know each other but, there was this one mother fucker. Let's call him X
X hated me cause I was getting attention and making friends
He was the administrator and was a real jackass
I was gonna leave he server for a new one where 2 of my OG friends were and I was even stronger with more stuff
Wanna know what happened? He banned me and wrote so many hate messages and stuff, even from his alt accounts
I wasn't able to message most of my friends and only had 4 who I could privately chat with...and even then out of those 6, 3 decided to be assholes.
Everyone talked shit about my back, how my parents were divorced and what a loser I am. I also had a friend who was a woman married. A stupid shit came on the server once and asked for her to show genitals and stuff just being a real asshole. I was theonr who stopped him and got rid of him for good.
Then what did she do? Just straight up block me for no reason. Now I'm not offended by that but I have no idea what I had done wrong.
I came to know about all of these things and I was in a state of obsolete mental depression, refusing to eat or talk.
I was suicidal.
Even on my new server I'm making actually good friends.
But I can't forget about all the memories on the old one...
I taught them. I helped them. And I was treated like a piece of fucking trash. Thrown away and forgotten.
Just like my father did to me...I can't even get a break in real life.
I'm sick of this shit but I can't handle it.
I just wanna kill myself. Just get rid of this shit. I don't like it. I wanna dissappear. Because that's all I can do. | 4 |
Real wonders | At this point is it to much to ask for one person to not be stuck to there phones when your around them? | 4 |
I know when I became sad | I know when I became sad. I used to be so happy and positive and full optimist. I used to be able to see the good in every situation. This year in March it was my birthday. I literally wanted a simple birthday, drink with my wife, play some Mario Party, and have some bedroom fun. She said “of course!!!” Then my birthday came and she had a full agenda….. of chores, baby showers, and her family time (the in laws). By the time we got home she was “too tired” for anything. I then had 4 hours of drinking and thinking and realized I’ve had this same birthday wish for 4 years and it’s happened 0 times. Something ALWAYS comes up. At this point I realized my wishes and wants are completely ignored and I feel like I’ve wasted 10 years of my life! I hate being sad so much and just want to be happy but I just can’t anymore!😭😭😭😭😭 | 1 |
Boobs... | . | 2 |
I feel like a dark cloud around my friends | I think they are better off without me. They don't need a social anxious freak that can't hold decent conversations with people. They are a cheerful group of people, lively, bubbly, love to dance, crack jokes I hardly catch and are always looking forward to meet new people while I have no desire to be 'alive' and hardly have reasons to smile. I don't find a lot of people interesting even if I try to. I have trapped myself in my shell for too long. I love them but they don't need a friend like me and I can feel some of them drifting away from me. I sometimes wish to distance myself from them because I'm tired of looking weak to them. I don't deserve friends. I'm too dull and impatient. I don't see myself growing with them in that friendship. Don't get me wrong. They are wonderful people and they are loving. Life is easier when I'm with them. I'm just not like them. I enjoy their company, I just beat myself up for not being like them. It's other times that I truly feel like I'm indeed dull and I'm not at all bubbly and have higher energy like them.I wish I had built a character of an extrovert in my childhood. My life would be better. | 1 |
Tu eres mala | Tu eres la droga de la que mami me hablaba. La que moría si probaba y yo de idiota pensando que me amaba | 2 |
I can’t even believe how much stuff I have to deal with | My dad died a couple months ago. It was so hard to watch.
My daughter is going through a mental health crisis and I am working to get her admitted before he self harms.
I just got diagnosed with heart failure.
I also have a very painful condition which makes life difficult. Along with CPTSD
My 15 year old has almost no relationship with her dad. He is complete loser. Abusive alcoholic. I don’t have a clue how to tell her about my diagnosis
It is just so unfair | 12 |
Honestly feeling miserable | TL;DR: I’m a terrible human being and I don’t know why or what I can do to change it anymore.
Came to r/advice looking for advice on how to healthily punish myself. Didn’t get too much advice other than to not do it. I haven’t been the best person lately and I tend to get away with having angry outbursts when I shouldn’t. My mother used to actually punish me for these meltdowns but now she doesn’t do anything. She’s stopped doing anything to give my siblings and I consequences for our actions in past past five or so years. I love my mom and I know she loves me too but I think she lets me get away with more than she used to. When I was younger she would give me time outs and stuff but now that I’m older she’s not done very much with me or any of my four siblings. I’ve fucked up again today and I feel miserable. I’ve apologized but it doesn’t make me feel any better. At some point it just has to get old for the people around me. I hate being me. If I could be literally anyone else I would. What the fucking hell is wrong with me?? I wish people would just agree with me!! I’m a horrible person, why won’t they just tell me? I ruin everything and make everyone’s lives harder so why do the keep me around? I lose my shit over the smallest things and I’m extremely annoying. Why can’t I just fix myself? I try so hard and then it just all starts over again and I’m the same angry person that I was before. Feels like all of my efforts are in vain. I lash out at everyone constantly. Why? I go to therapy and everything! Im still just an awful and pathetic excuse of a human. | 5 |
My life is a waste and I'm just waiting for it to end. | I'm 26 and I'm still living with my dad. I have no friends and no girlfriend, and I highly doubt that I'll have any meaningful relationships in the future. I have a degree but it's pretty much useless. I also have very little work experience, so I don't think I'll ever have a good job. I'm also very unmotivated. I've given up on all of my hobbies and the idea of working a 9-5 job gives me a sense of dread.
I'll just be doing something that I hate, and when I come home I will probably lay in bed, wanting to blow my brains out. There is no joy or hope in my life. I am a completely worthless human being. I am depressed, socially anxious, awkward, stupid, and boring.
No one in my life gives a fuck about me. This post will probably be ignored, but if anyone does respond to it, I imagine they will just reaffirm the beliefs I already have about myself. That's how everyone seems to interact with me anyway. Other people get words of encouragement, but everyone just wants to kick me when I'm already at my lowest point. I deserve it though. So, go ahead, please remind me that I am a pathetic piece of shit who should stop whining. | 11 |
Idk what to do tbh | So I’ve been feeling terrible this days to be honest. I have talk to this person who is like 11 years older than me, that person used to always be really cold with me and treat me like I didn’t mean anything to him. We stopped talking sometimes but like the last time we didn’t talk it was like for 5 months and when I had the initiative to talk to him it was for his birthday so I wanted to make him know that I didn’t forgot his birthday. Then, btw he always disappeared without saying something he just left and I was feeling so hurt about that and I decided to change. I didn’t block him btw because I just can’t. But I changed and got better from him, then like two months ago he came back very different and treating me more comprehensive and very caring, I was changed and just treated him bad and at the end I apologize and explained to him. And he was like “don’t worry I know I did hurt you badly” so we started talking in a phone call every night since like 3 weeks ago that I told him I was moving out to another place but everything was fine he understood. When I organized everything and wanted to talk to him like always he just told me he was playing and that I should play with him and his friend who is his ex… I don’t feel comfortable talking in a phone call with him and his ex so I just haven’t talk to him like in two days and someone told me that’s I should’ve blocked him but I just can’t do that because I really love him and actually we haven’t been in a relationship we’re just “friends” and I don’t know what to do I just feel fucked up honestly… I haven’t send a message to him and he haven’t either and it’s just making me confused and wanting to just end it all. He was the reason I started cutting myself along time ago and he doesn’t even care about how I feel and someone told me that he was just using me but idk what to do right now I feel horrible 😞 | 1 |
Sad Thing I Witnessed At Hospital | Last year I was admitted to Wellington Children’s Hospital for Diabetes Type 1, one thing that terrifies me about that place is the creepy nursery rhymes. I happened to be admitted just before the new Children’s Hospital was opened, the hospital was old but had been renovated many times but one thing they kept was on the walls of the hospital, there were nursery rhymes. I remember being wheeled into the hospital from the ER and seeing all these nursery rhymes and thinking “This is what many children would have seen before their death.” | 1 |
The nicest thing my crush did | I was charging customers at the register at the restaurant we work at. He was a little bit further away restocking items. Since mostly everyone pays with card, when one customer paid with cash, I closed the till without giving the man his change. I gasped loudly as soon as it closed. I went to ask the cooks for help. My crush walked over to me and asked me what happened. I told him, and he tried to reopen the register with his ID number (we learned that in orientation that an ID is needed to reopen registers). But his number didn't work (turns out, only shift leads and managers can open it). Our shift lead called in sick that day, and our manager was on her lunch.
For fifteen minutes, everyone was fumbling around trying to reopen the register. The manager ended up having to clock back in from her lunch early to give the customer his change. No one was being mean, not even the customer. But I was still so embarrassed by what happened. I was less talkative, and maybe a tad bit more nervous. I felt so bad that everyone got inconvenienced by my mistake; my coworker, the cooks, the manager, the customer. But my crush was being so nice to me. He gave me the easier tasks, and the way he was talking to me was so gentle. It felt like him trying to put a warm blanket over me. | 1 |
I wont end myself | I wont end myself because i want to see where my sisters go in life i want to know who they become despite the constent sadness i feel i want to know what will become of my family, my life is sad and pathetic i dont have any real friends and dont have anyone to talk to, i feel my life has no value however my sisters lives do that is why i wont end it. | 5 |
I don't even know what to put here. | I guess this is like a bottle being burst that has been being filled constantly almost everyday for my whole life pretty much so Im sorry if this comes across as something it's not. I've never been perfect I've tried to please my family and friends my entire existence and yes I am an extreme people pleaser, I've never really had an actual chance to make myself happy and reason is I don't know how I can't I'm trapped in an ever descending spiral yet I cannot tell a soul or I stop pleasing. I've thought about unaliving myself but again people pleaser kicks in which I guess isn't the worst when it comes to that. I love all my family but time and time again they prove that I'll never mean as much to them as they do to me, to add my father is a very manipulative man he's done shit I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy not physically just the twisting of minds to make him the one in control. I can't leave home yet as I am under the age of 18, I don't know what I'm looking for in this post I don't want people to feel sorry I guess I just kind of want someone to hear my struggles instead being on the receiving end for once granted this probably isn't the best subreddit for that but I'm desperate. | 2 |
My toxic relationship | I feel trapped. I feel like i’ve given my all, but I still come short. I feel like I can’t express my own opinions or my own feelings, without extreme backlash. However, when she expresses those same emotions, I am expected to care and to change my actions. And I do, because I treat her like I want to be treated.
I want to leave, but I have hope that someday she will see the good in me, and start to treat me like I treat her.
I can’t imagine her with another man, but then again, can a different man even tolerate what I do with her?
If I leave I know that I will feel extremely lonely, with no one who truly cares about me, and how I feel. But am I really experiencing a careful companion right now? I have no idea. I like to think so. But, I’ve been lying to myself about her since the very first time she left me.
She’s left me more times than I can count. I know that’s bad, and under no circumstance should I tolerate that. However, for some reason, I do. She’s left me in the dust feeling like I was worth absolutely nothing to her. The weeks alone felt so long, and so hopeless. I was never one who struggled with depression, but after all of that, I truly felt depressed, like I was worth nothing.
When I look in her eyes, I don’t see the monster she is behind the screen. I don’t see the girl that has treated me like garbage time, and time again. Her eyes look like the the deep sea, with a hint of green. They are so beautiful. And those eyes give me the hope I need.
Her smile is like a thousand rainbows, the way it brightens your day. I look at her and think to myself how lucky I am. But, am I really the lucky one? All the sleepless nights wondering if her feelings were still there, all the nights when my eyes were soaked in tears wondering what I did wrong.
I have done nothing wrong, well that’s a lie. I know I’ve done wrong, but I still don’t understand how I could deserve the hate she gives me. I wonder to myself often what it would be like if our paths never crossed. Would that have been the better path? Or does everything happen for a reason? | 2 |
Don't know why I try | Find it very convenient that you leave to go see a friend and he went to see a friend too. I guess I'm not good enough to be with or be seen in public with. But you want me to take care of everything. Not worth loving anymore. Not worth time and care. Just not worth anything anymore. | 1 |
Idk if someone could actually make this into a song but I just wrote this out to try and help myself | Random song/poem you came up with in the middle of the night
She had the prettiest eyes of blue,
But what I never knew,
What those pretty eyes could do.
But lord I hate this feeling,
Every memory is just a sting,
I loved her with every ounce of my being,
And now I’m writing a song to sing,
Because our future is now nothin but a dream.
The house we talked about
The kids that would make us shout
Taking them to church every Sunday mornin
Even if the rain was pourin
Oh but that was never anything more than a dream,
lord I hate this feeling,
Every memory is just a sting,
I loved her with every ounce of my being,
And now I’m writing a song to sing,
Because our future is now nothin but a dream.
This ain’t a hateful break up song,
These days have just been so long,
I still get excited to see a text,
But I hate what happens next,
It’s like I get stabbed by a knife,
Like I’m living without life.
I still love her pretty eyes
Bluer than the skies
I called her my holy Moonlight
And not I have no one to tell goodnight
Nothing has filled the hole
I need a friend for my soul
lord I hate this feeling,
Every memory is just a sting,
I loved her with every ounce of my being,
And now I’m writing a song to sing,
Because our future is now nothin but a dream.
Lord please help this pain
I’m screaming out your name
Lord please help this pain
I’m screaming out your name
Lord please… help this pain | 1 |
Too so sad to add a tltie | Guys I sad because my aunt was arrested today for no reason and I miss her | 1 |
Ex finally moved on | Me and my ex had been back and forth with eachother in an out of relationships about 10 times I know but now she has a new bf finally and I knew it was gonna happen eventually but still now sad :(💩 | 2 |
What type of music makes you cry? | My father took his life when I was 5-6. After almost 15 years, in some moments, happy songs hit hard, since I imagine happy and wholesome moments I could and never will have with him. I miss you dad. | 4 |
miss my bro | first post ever but since my brother died ive been so sad and depressed and i cant fucking break out of it and everything makes me sad and im js fucking quiet now | 1 |
Want to commit suicide but not sure how | I give up, I completely give up, I have no more hope. There’s nothing such as happiness for me.
I genuinely need to do this, I need to.
I’m just unsure which method is safe, fail proof and easy.
A lot of methods can result in permanent damage which is just scary.
Only if there were a simple method to ensure I’d die without any permanent injuries in case of survival
Seriously I’m confused
Is it easy to fatally electrocute myself?
Is there a way to painlessly bleed to death?
How about drowning? Is it easy to drown to death?
Which drugs would be best for suicide in sleep with no chance of survival?
How risky is jumping? How tall does a building have to be for suicide?
Seriously please don’t tell me there’s hope. There isn’t. At this point every second is suffering, I just want to die as fast as possible and don’t know how. | 4 |
all i ever wanted to be is a surgeon | but i tried to go to college at 7 different schools under 3 different majors over 4 years, and i couldnt finish any of it. i dont think ill ever have a brain good enough to be a doctor | 6 |
I'm sick of being lonely. | My two brothers are my best friends, I have no other friends except my niece and nephew. My brothers both work, I'm trying to get a job, but no luck yet.
When they get home, one of them goes straight out to meet his girlfriend. The other stays around, but usually works on his car, or sticks his air pods in and goes on his phone for hours. Not having them to spend time with anymore is painful, I try so hard to spend time with my parents, but their interests are so different from my own.
My sister comes around with her two kids. I play with them for a few hours. My nephew is 4, he pretty much spends the entire time with me, we either build racetracks or play football together. My niece is 3, she doesn't really play with me, she prefers her granny and aunt. I love them both to bits, but I wished that I had someone other than actual toddlers to spend time with.
I have put off writing this for a while due to the fact it is incredibly sad and embarrassing that my best friend is a 4 year old. I have no actual friends whatsoever, it is painfully sad. I don't know how to sort it out, I'm incredibly awkward, and I have self-esteem as low as a yoga instructor at a limbo competition. I just don't know what to do. I'm so lonely everyday, I'm so so tired of it. | 1 |
starting to miss her again | lost my best friend almost 2 months ago due to confessing my feelings
it’s 11pm now and i’ve been starting to miss her again and the times that we spent together calling, going out, studying together, talking about life etc.
i’ve been trying to make myself forget her but the memories just flood back periodically
help me | 4 |
Alone in my birthday | Today is my birthday, I'm 19. All I wanted was to enjoy pizza for my birthday, but when I told my mother, she responded with an aggressive tone, bombarding me with questions and speaking to me in a harsh manner. I confronted her about her tone, explaining that I only wanted her to talk to me normally.She said she was treating me that way because I'm not "normal," I guess she said that because I didn't want her to hug me when she was about to wish me a happy birthday. But it's just because in the past I was abused physically by her and I don't want her to touch me. Now what? I guess I'll spend my birthday doing nothing but cry.
I wish I was normal tbh, to have two loving parents and a nice house. I don't have any of them, nor I have a decent birthday. I don't have anything. I am alone. | 7 |
My left eye is dry | Its very dry, make me kind of sad | 0 |
I am just feeling sad | Why do the people who is everything for you, don't understand you ? | 1 |
Versacefire | Sometimes I feel like someone secretly took out a life insurance on me and is just patiently waiting to cash in :s | 2 |
i miss my old best friend | i just miss her. i’m so lonely. she used to
give me so much warmth, then she just turned a 180 and cut me off | 4 |
Another month | Tomorrow is another month and I have to worry about my rent again. 1675. It gets harder every month. Idk what to do. No matter how much I try I'm barely making it. I send out job applications every day and I doordash 6 days out of the week I barely made it last month. Now I have 6 days to do rent again. Oh God help me. | 2 |
Struggling after Hysterectomy - No Sensation in Right Foot |
Hey Reddit,
I'm feeling really down and frustrated right now, and I just need to vent and seek some support. I recently underwent a hysterectomy, and it's been seven days since the surgery. Unfortunately, I'm experiencing no sensation in my right foot, and it's really taking a toll on me.
I had hoped that by now there would be some improvement, but it seems like nothing has changed. The constant pain and burning sensation in my right foot make every step unbearable. It's like my foot is disconnected from my body, and I'm losing hope that things will ever get better.
I've been following the doctor's orders, taking medications, and going through physical therapy, but there's been no significant improvement so far. The uncertainty of not knowing when or if the feeling will return is overwhelming. The simplest tasks like walking have become a source of anxiety and fear.
I never anticipated that a procedure meant to alleviate pain would bring about a whole new set of challenges. It's heartbreaking and frustrating to think that I might have to live with this for an extended period or even permanently.
If anyone has gone through a similar experience or has any advice or words of encouragement, I would greatly appreciate it. Right now, I'm feeling lost and defeated, and any support would mean the world to me.
Thank you for taking the time to read my post. | 2 |
Was I misdiagnosed or something | Around 2 years ago I got sent to therapy by my mom because of anger issues and like not being able to focus on homework at home etc etc. Eventually my therapist ruled out it was most definitely social anxiety and I got sent to get diagnosed by this lady that could actually diagnose people. I did a bunch of tests and answered questions, and then left after 3 hours when we finished and I was like ok cool 👍🏻. A few weeks later we got the diagnoses back (I had to do a bunch of online questionnaires she sent me which is why it took so long) and I was scared to ask my mom if I got diagnosed with anything because it was lowkey kinda awkward but eventually I did ask and she was like “yeah, it’s social anxiety” and I was like “ok cool that’s what we thought”. The next day I go to therapy and my mom sits in to discuss the diagnosis with my therapist and me, and she says I got diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder. Instantly I was like mentally super upset because my mom didn’t tell me for god knows what reason (honestly still kind of upset about it) and my therapist follows that brutal surprise up with “However both of us have agreed that you most likely got misdiagnosed with it since you don’t show signs of MDD, but yeah you definitely have social anxiety”. Throwing it back to the beginning of when I first met my therapist, she had to ask me a lot of questions like “Have you ever wanted to kill yourself” type questions and stuff like that. MY MOTHER WAS SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO ME SO OBVIOUSLY I SAID NO! I literally could not break her heart like that and change my entire comfort levels around my mother so yes I lied. I know it’s terrible for me to lie at therapy but yeah I just couldn’t tell her the truth. I had wanted to die before. I don’t know if this would have changed the trajectory of any diagnosis but yeah I lied and I now worry everyday that I really am depressed and am struggling with it alone and that if I would’ve said I was previously suicidal then my therapist would have agreed I had MDD and gotten me medication to help or something. | 4 |
I can’t stop crying but I don’t rlly feel anything tbh | Yea | 11 |
Feelings | Even in the happiest moments or the places I love I still feel like I’m alone and hated, it’s been a year since I’ve been happy and genuinely loved now I feel like even family don’t like me or care for me anymore even when I try and try to become more like able just seems like I’m not making a difference. I don’t talk to my mom anymore I think the last time we had a conversation more then 3 words was September of last year and after that we just look at each other. Not only that but my dad is always traveling to different countries for work and I see him 5 months of the year and even tho I’m grateful for everything still want him here. To be honest I want my family back. My uncle owns a church and there was a preacher who went to preach at the church and told my mom I was gonna be a pastor and a musician and those are the things I really think about doing in life but my mom doesn’t want me to go to church for how much I try and try she doesn’t want me to and can’t do anything about it. | 2 |
I haven't really laughed in a minute | Idk. These summer days just seem to blur together. The good times fly right by. Ppl who used to bring so much joy just seem to feel normal to me now. And friends who made me laugh without even trying are no longer funny. I've been riding the highs and lows all the same, with my hands in my lap, not even bothering to reach up and scream because idk how to live in the moment anymore.
I just feel like I'll never be happy again. I wanna be happy, and I force a laugh because I want to laugh again. I just can't bring myself to try anymore.
I was reminded of trauma from a long time ago, and I actually opened up to a friend about it. They reacted like I expected, worried and sad. I told them I'm fine, and I'm pretty sure I am. But idk, I think I need to be sad for a bit. | 2 |
Watched a really messed up animal cruelty video | I follow this animal activist page on Instagram and recently they shared a super graphic video of a cat. I try to consolidate myself by saying the cat’s already dead, but I hate that something so cruel happened to it especially to something as loving as a cat. It was terrible and I’m just glad the cat is no longer with those terrible humans.
Something scary and something I will always stand by is that people who kill or hurt animals on purpose are not good people and in fact should be eradicated. Psychopaths exists and they need to be killed off because the ability to not care if you inflict physical pain on a human or any living being for reasons other than survival are dangerous.
I hope everyone out there who is capable Can consider donating to a animal rescue or organization out there, especially in countries where there is no protection. I just have no words for the amount of cruelty there is.
But also beware of animal organization scams because those have been popping up as well (smh people are hopeless ) | 6 |
I feel sad this week | I have not been feeling sad for a while. I had a depressive episode end in December and since then I've been really happy, nothing manic or mixed or otherwise. Just real genuine good vibes, but this week I feel really sad. I wish I could be somewhere isolated for about a month or two--just until I feel better--without having to worry about taking care of myself. I wish I had a "fill needs" button for real life like there is in the Sims. | 2 |
I’m just sad. | I just feel so sad. It’s just a lot of things, both my pets passed away, my grandma is trying to turn everyone against me (a whole other story), and my ex cheated on me; and this was all within a month. I just feel so lonely with all of this, and for one, I’ve had many pets pass away, but this one was so unexpected and it could’ve been prevented so.. yeah. My ex cheating on me, I really loved him, but whatever’s done is done. I’ll get over it eventually. With my grandma, I’ve never had a good relationship with her, even as a young child, so im not even surprised at her behavior. I just feel so sad and lonely, it’s really affecting my mental health, but I think I just need to heal. I’ll be alright. | 5 |
I relapsed. | I hurt myself again and I feel alone and I feel like the only one to ever love me hates me and I don't know what to do and I'm panicking and crying and I don't know why. | 1 |
I had to give up my new puppy. | This may sound stupid, maybe even irrelevant, but my heart is so hurt. I have wanted a dog for the longest time now, I’m finally in my early twenties, moving into a house soon, and I needed a companion.
I thought maybe the dog would give me an outlet to put my anxiety into, something to bring me joy when I feel alone. I have researched and researched, spent money on an expensive crate and food. I felt so ready when I was applying to adoption applications that the joy I felt was insurmountable.
The day comes when my application is approved to adopt a 6 month old puppy mill rescue puppy. She was a border collie mix (a breed I had done extensive research on). I drove over an hour to pick her up. She was the perfect puppy with the cutest ears.
She was so quiet and calm on the ride home. My heart felt so full. Her brown eyes staring up at me as if she was thanking me.
When we got home she went potty outside and was already comfortable in her crate. No whining, no barking, just little puppy grunts. She did have a few accidents but this was expected, she was only a puppy.
I let her out several times that night, but I felt like I had to watch her all hours of the day. For two days I had no time to myself. This dog had manifested into the worst anxiety I have ever felt. I cried for hours, shook uncontrollably, and threw up from anxiety.
I took her back to the adoption center. On the ride there she seemed so confused. Handing her back was the hardest thing I’ve ever felt. I felt as though I had lost a friend. I felt like a failure for returning something I’ve wanted so badly. I feel like I’m grieving what could have been.
To some this may seem like a small problem. But I am tired of feeling like my anxiety takes everything I’ve wanted so badly away from me. I feel lost. | 4 |
Should I worry about being abused? | As someone with anxiety, I don't date much, and I just want someone who will be loyal to me. It's very clear that he's attracted to me. I'm attracted to him too, but everyone says that I'm way too pretty for him. About two weeks into us knowing each other, he shared a really intimate story of a traumatic experience that happened to him. He’s a empathetic person that cares for other people, but he gets angry over minor things. I'm 95% sure he's gone to therapy, because even though he will explode at the most random times, there'll be other times when he's really good at conflict resolution.
Before we dated, I invited him to my birthday party. Supposedly, a few weeks before, he was flirting with me, but I didn’t pick up on it. So when I invited him, it confused him. He thought I was giving him mixed signals. On his Twitter (that I don’t follow), he was saying stuff like “playing with people’s feelings is bad” and “disloyal people annoy me”. The next several weeks, he gave me the cold shoulder and really did not want to talk to me.
He’ll also roll his eyes or grunt over relatively things that really aren’t a big deal. Sometimes I wonder if the thing that I did even warranted a sigh or eye roll. I’m just wondering, if I got into a relationship with him, would it get worse?
[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/14mort2) | 0 |
random update | as always, these are some kind of suicide notes, don't feel like you have to fake caring about me in the comment or even to read all this.
i have 3 month summer vacation, its not as bad as school but month n°1 is ending and i still feel like shit. even tho im not as mentally destroyed by school, i still hate me and nothing is keeping me here. a few years back i was looking at alternate solutions to kill myself to not suffer, i realised i was efraid of death. now idc anymore as long its not long as fuck and painful as fuck. i considered taking shit ton of meds but i'd probably end up surviving and just get sick or do irreversible domage to my body so ima just hang myself.
still no girlfriend but since i'm ugly as fuck and that i wouldn't be my friend if i was somebody else i get it. didn't managed to do anything with my closest friends. and i just felt like i was forcing the conversation every time i talked to them except if we were talking about them. i failed 10th grade, i'm gonna have to do it again but i don't care since i'm ending it before school restarts. i tried to do music but i sucks and i ultimately fail every time, its terrible no matter how hard i tried and i paid 50 bucks for a mic. i'm getting myself a ps5, i'm already annoying my mom so as long enjoy until i go. my dad is still being a dick as always. and i hate me, for everything i did and for still being here and being a waste of oxygen.
i'll make a list of people to warn of my death before i kms and probably post it on this subreddit.
have a good day yall | 1 |
Ex Girlfriend cheated on me while my dad has cancer | Been together with this girl for 7 years ( both 24 years old). My dad got diagnosed with lung cancer and i spent 2 month taking care of him. During those 2 months i had no time to spend with my girlfriend. She saud she had no time becuase of uni to come home and aupport me emotinally. Four days after the the surgery she broke up with me because she wanted to „find herself“ and not to binded to a person. Three months later i find out she cheated on me for months and got together with the dude (good friend of hers through uni) 3 weeks after our breakup. I could vomit my f*cking heart out | 2 |
Is something wrong with me? | (I'm sorry if this doesn't belong here, and idk if I should add a flair) I'm not entirely sure how to put this at all... but I feel like there's some curse on me. I've had I believe 4 different people tell me they want to kill themselves... in a span of this month. It seems like everyone who talks to me ends up wanting to take their life...or wanted to... even my ex has told me they wanted to end it a week before I ended things (she started acting differently). This is really kinda messing with my head and... in all honesty...I cut my hand for the first time ever... luckily I stopped in a panic before I went too deep, but still... I'm scared cause I know I'm finally breaking. I don't know if I'm doing something wrong to everyone, but I feel somehow to blame. It doesn't help that my biggest fear is being alone without anyone else... | 2 |
Was considering writing a journal for the time when I hurt myself(sh) at age 12 and had to go to hospital for quite intense surgery, what are honestly your thoughts on this? | I'm confused because half the time I don't really think about what happened that much, but then the other half of the time it visibly makes me upset and I get a "shaky"/quivery feeling when I think about what I did to myself. I've read that feeling intense guilt can be a symptom of trauma but also I can't tell if my guilt is "rational" or irrational guilt. But for example whenever there is a disagreement regardless of how minor between my family, I often feel like it can all
[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/14mjqaq) | 1 |
Someone I know we have feelings for each other | So there is this one girl who I will not name around my age who is nice and beautiful. I never treat girls a objects more as humans as you should. Sometimes we just stare in each other's eyes for a bit, not sure if it is a coincidence but longing in another's eyes is interesting. I can't really talk well anymore, I have social anxiety and after my injury to my ankles I am self conscious about the braces I wear sometimes. I can't get the words out that I like her I can't understand my issue I wish I could. I wish I could make friends, say words at the right time. I have never been in a relationship nor did I want to be, maybe love finds you? | 8 |
Feeling no love | It's hard not to think the worse. When you ask your special someone to step out with you and she said no but when a good male friend ask her to come with him and she jumps up and leaves with him every time he leaves. Theirs no love or respect bring shown to me at all. How can I not think the worse. She even went away for the weekend with him. I told them both I didn't feel comfortable and y'all did it anyway. Where's the love! Where's the respect! Their isn't any! No Love! | 5 |
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