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My friends are making a bigger deal out of another friends bday then they did mine | My birthday was 6/19, I got a couple of happy birthdays in DMs and texts from them and that was about it. Today is another of my friends birthdays and she’s gotten long Facebook posts, a swarm of happy birthdays on Facebook and discord, presents from them… idk it makes me feel sad | 5 |
i realized too late... | she was the first girl I actually felt close with. we liked a lot of the same things, shared good stories, and enjoyed each others company
...but one day I felt this cold shoulder, and the usual self ive come to know her started becoming less & less... she assured that its nothing about/against me, but now i barely get the chance to talk with her
I just wish she wouldve given us a chance... I honestly hate myself each day that passes... I should've realized she liked me sooner, should've been more confident, I should've taken that first step... instead I fucked it all up, and I feel it eating me away | 9 |
Why do I reply. | I reply on here not because it makes me feel better or anything like that, it’s never been about me, I’m not normal and I know that, I have nothing else to do, I work and that’s it, I fuck up every time in life, I met a girl I like and I want to stay friends but I also made her walk away, I will always be here for her in life, I think she thinks I’m mad Lol. I’ve stop doing so much in life now, I’m alone, I’m alright, but I come on here just to help or try to help people understand or listen or to just talk, whatever they need I’ll try to do some good in this life if I can, I’m not a doctor or anything like that, I’m just a guy so for those who ask me why do I do this for, I don’t know, I see what people are talking about and understand the emotions of others, so I’ll try to help if I can, that’s it. | 2 |
To be or not to be… | I like to be a kind person, but then when people not reciprocate it over and over I start to get jaded, to be nice over and over even to those who can’t even smile back or say hi back…and then eventually come across and have a genuine connection with a nice person? Or stop trying and keep my head down and wait for that nice person to come along?? I wish I didn’t get my feelings hurt, I wish I could master not giving a f*ck while still being a respectful person…maybe when I’m older…. | 1 |
At what point do you just hope to disappear | No matter what changes or what happens in my life, I always end up hating only one person. Myself. I hate him more than anything. I hate him more than life. At what point can I just disappear off the Earth, and leave no trace or memories behind. | 1 |
feeling lonely tonight anyone up for a chat? | **can anyone chat with me tonight i feel painfully lonely tonight and it just makes me really sad.😭** | 2 |
I can’t stop feeling like a burden to everyone and I don’t know how to ask for support. | Long story short, my now ex husband and I moved 2,000 miles away from our friends and family 2 years ago. He was an abusive alcoholic so I finally left which I’m proud of.
But now I’m out here all alone with just a couple friends. I’m dating a little, but the guy I see most consistently seems to be happy with just seeing each other once a week or less. Which is fine, that’s kind of the standard I set in the first place I made my own bed wanting casual and all.
I’ve dated around a little and met some great guys, but they all want one thing of course. Understandable.
I have like 2 girlfriends, and they’re great but they have their own lives, neither of them are close enough that I could like rely on them. I have one guy friend but he’s a single dad and bust a lot.
I had a close colleague who became a good friend, he lives in IN and I live in MI but he came out like 2X/month and we bonded over dinner and drinks and it was great. Then our company shut down so I’ve pretty much lost him because we are 4 hours away from each other..
I don’t know how to ask anyone for support. I feel like maybe I could reach out to my friends and tell them I need support…I know if they reached out to me I would give it. But I also don’t have anything else to give my attention to so it’s not the same. I would like to ask this guy I’m seeing for more, but I’m terrified of a negative response. And overall, I just don’t want to seem like a burden to anyone. I have this fear of bothering people or seeming like I’m too needy.
I don’t feel like I’m worth it to anyone.
Just needed to put that out there, thank you. | 1 |
i need help lol | i dont know whats happening to me. since 2023, i dont know whats happening. i dont know what im saying, im always wrong, i cant sociolise, people dont like talking to me, i act like a person who cant understand and convey feelings. no one likes talking to me anymore, i dont talk to people i dont know why. people dont trust me fuck i dont know what to do i need help | 3 |
Why is my life so shitty | I’m 15, turning 16 next year, and my life is just a huge mess, has been scince I was 6 or 7. I just feel pathetic, I’m always keeping on a happy face for everyone and pushing all my issues and feelings under a rug, I never speak to anyone about anything because no one understands. I’ve been tested positive for ADHD and I think that’s what’s wrong with me, I see things in a different way to everyone else so when I tell someone a problem I have they say I’m beefing stupid and that I need to man up. It just hits different hearing that, especially when even your family are saying it to you. I’m a “normal kid”, I go out with friends, I have a gf who I love a lot, I hate school like most kids and all that but I never feel normal, scince i was eleven I’ve had suicidal thoughts and it became a part of my life thinking about killing my self, I know it’s not normal to think that, and even worse I know it’s priv lay not normal to cry every night or punch things until my hands are nearly broken. I just don’t know what to do with my self, I’ve done some stupid shit like drugs and alcohol and that didn’t help, the doctors in the UK are just as useless. But I’ll end it there, I’m not going to kill my self I just don’t want to feel like this anymore… | 1 |
In need of a friend | I need someone to talk to, I have been diagnosed with Major Depression and Bipolar, I'm really swinging in moods lately and really need someone to talk to...
I'm 26m I like doing digital art but still new to it. I read comics, favourite artist is Stjepan Sejic and Skottie Young. I love Doctor Who, cartoons, horror and music.
If anyone is up for a chat? | 2 |
I force myself to cry. | Sometimes I force myself to cry just to feel something, and even then, often i cant let out a tear. I don't know if it's a lack of emotion due to intense situations or just that I've lost touch with myself. I feel like I'm incapable to love or be loved. It sometimes feels like I'm in a constant state of drowning but staying afloat. I haven't thought actively about s***cide, though the thought of disappearing still lingers every night.
Sometimes I force myself to cry just to feel something, and even then, often I cant let out anything. Not even a sigh. | 8 |
Is self harm selfish ? |
[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/14hyec8) | 1 |
A LETTER TO MY FATHER | You did the best you could with me.
And one day I hope to do better than you.
Do you remember my party at Krazy Mazy’s.
I do.
It was the first time I remember feeling.
It was that feeling that makes you feel lost.
Maybe that’s the day the walls went up.
Just maybe.
That man push into the red brick fireplace.
I had no man to protect me.
So I started to protect myself.
All alone.
The day I took a girl to homecoming.
And her Father made me feel out of place.
As if I wasn’t good enough for her.
Okay Boy.
You made it to one game.
You made it to two graduations.
You were there but absent.
I’m incapable.
Your new family had you, they needed you.
They got the birthdays, trips, love.
You were there for them coaching, playing, mentoring.
Pay attention.
I acted out; drinking, smoking, fucking.
I want to feel loved.
I need to feel something.
I’m lost.
Most days I want to disappear.
Maybe then I’ll important.
Maybe then the you’ll hear my cry.
Bigger goals.
I’m going to change the world.
Maybe then you will be proud of your boy.
Then I’ll be worthy of your love.
I’m done. | 1 |
I will never be enough so accept that | My girlfriend is amazing she’s sweet kind caring and shy. She’s poly has been dating a man for a year. We’ve been dating 3 months. The man is married. I knew this, I’m head over heels in love. I know I’m a stupid and lovestruck fuck. Even though she knows how much in love I am with her, she has decided that they are primaries together. She told me I was the primary but I went thru her phone and I read the texts I’m not. He said all this lovey stuff and she agreed like I was never even in the equation. She’s brought up the future between me and her and how we will move in get some cats maybe a snake, I felt like o died and went to heaven. But truthfully I’ll never be enough and it was foolish of me to think I could be. Foolish of me to plan a life with her and to be excited. I wonder if they laugh at me, point out how pathetic and stupid I am. | 3 |
Not A Big Deal | I’ve tried journaling and I can never seem to develop the routine. I’m not gonna rant or vent too much, just feel like I need to say something and don’t have a local therapist anymore to help.
I’ve been pretty sad lately. My dad has cancer and I don’t know how to feel about it. My mom hasn’t been in the best health and her partner was just diagnosed with a terminal illness, someone who finally is good for her is dying and I feel terrible for her. She’s doing everything she can to help him and I wish I could do more for them.
On a side note I have a crush and it’s someone who’s come back into my life from my childhood in a big way. I don’t really have any hope there for something more but it’s a nice feeling to have again and I’m grateful.
That’s it. Thanks for reading and I wish you well :) | 4 |
I got purposely refused to an important party where everyone in my group was invited | For context, 2 years prior to this day, I moved out from where I was. Where I now live, at the end of highschool, there is huge prom. It is such a big event that everyone gets the craziest car and drives it in a parade thru all the city, and everyone young and old watches it. But after said prom, there is a bigger event that is called roughly translated the after-prom. Every friend group does one, and it’s like a huge party where everyone gets absolutely wasted to celebrate the end of our freshmen’s years. The first year I got here, I had two friends, that turned out to be really toxic. The problem was that they where liked and praised by everyone. They knew everyone and each other really well, so any critique towards them was forbidden. The next year, I got into a club of something I won’t say for privacy. This club is loved in all the school, and everyone in it has a good reputation. One of these toxic friends was really loved inside this club, because everyone thinks he is kind and funny. I was really good at the thing this club was about, but the thing is that everyone in this club knew at least one other person really well. And let’s say they where not inclusive at all. I felt a lot like a piece of shit following them all the time, not being able to say anything because all the conversations where consisting of inside jokes and conversations of people and events I didn’t know about. Every time I tried to ask about it, I would get ignored. I asked myself a lot if i was the problem and if I had a shitty personality. I tried to improve myself and be a better person. But nothing worked. Now comes the prom night. The one where the after prom was happening was this famous loved by everyone yet awful old toxic friend. The first flag was that the day before, I asked a girl about the after prom, and she told me that they didn’t know for sure yet where it was. The second flag was that while looking at the phone at one of the guys in the group, I saw a group messenger named after prom. I asked him what it was, and he shrugged it off really badly. I knew something was up. We where talking about this after prom for a while in our club, and it was implied that everyone that was in the club was invited. So after hearing two people (the guy on witch I overseen the messenger group and the girl I’ve asked about the after prom the day prior) talking about when they are going to the after prom, I asked them: so finally there is an after prom? They again shrugged it off badly by saying they didn’t know for sure, when they where just clearly talking about it. So I’m really confused at this point, and I decide to go ask the host himself. I find him and ask him if I could come to this event. In my mind it was clear as day that I was invited since I was in this club. So then, he turns around, looks me in the eyes and says: sorry, my mom won’t allow for more people. It felt like I got sucker punched straight in the face. I knew that this was a lie. Like come on? Would your mother really say she has space for everyone but me? I also knew his mother from when we where friends, and he hosted parties with way more people then that. I never cried in public before, but after 5 steps away from this person, I couldn’t keep it in anymore. I cried like a bitch. Like what I was, a friendless waist of space. I feel awful, but have no friend to talk to. Please, is there anyone kind enough that would be willing to talk with me or give me some advice? I’m in an awful spot in my life right now. | 2 |
My boyfriend just asked me if I truly loved him | This is both sad and heartwarming and idk what to do.
So my boyfriend and I were doing some...things..and he suddenly pulled me close and hugged me. I asked him what was wrong and he asked if I truly loved him.
It hurt a little, but I told him I would do anything to see him happy, that he meant the world to me, and I loved him more than anything.
I asked him why he asked and he said, "because no one's ever been this considerate of my feelings or been this kind to me during this stuff."
I know what his past was like, and I knew that he just needed some reassurance then, and I was 100% willing to give it.
He rolled us over to the side and whispered into my ear and neck that he loved me.
I love him so much. He makes me feel loved, which I've never felt before, not even from my own family. And it kinda hurts, knowing that my family will never make me feel loved at all.
Anyways, hope you enjoyed my ramble | 6 |
My wife or 15 years cheated on me | She flew to California to visit her sister that was in the hospital with her baby , I payed the hotel I payed the flight but I didn’t go we have kids and they were in school… it was almost 2 weeks after she got back that I saw the text and videos.. I’ve walked into traffic , and I’ve tried drowning myself .. and I can’t .. I still love her but I can’t do this anymore .. she was my best friend | 14 |
I wish I could do more for my mom | I was having a conversation with my parents and we somehow got to the topic of my mom’s body. (She had started to gain a belly when she turned 40 after having 4 kids.) My mother talks about how much she wants to get a tummy tuck because she hates the way she looks. We started talking about how we just need to save money but the surgery in all cost about $20,000 which is a lot for a family of 6 on a middle class income. My dad walked out to use the bathroom and I said to my mom that me and my siblings could help her pay but with most of us still in college it will take a while. She told me she would be to old by then and that it is okay. This just made my heartbreak because I just want her to love herself the way I do. | 2 |
Is blood poisoning painfull? | This afternoon I hung out with my friends and out of challange I climbed a somewhat rusty fence where I sucessfully cut my arm. It wasn't THAT rusty and the cut itself was quite shallow with minimal bleeding. And because this sounds like an easy way out, I ask: Is blood poisoning a painfull death? Because if not then I won't bother with it or tell my parents about it and just leave it do whatever it wants to do with my body. | 1 |
Gonna put my 12 year old dog down today | I just feel awful. I’m showing him positive vibes. Been taking him out for little walks, played ball for a few minutes, and letting him rest now. Gonna get him a good last meal before taking him in and also get some pics with the fam.
He has been a prototype dog that boys/guys dream of. He’s a purebred German shepherd. Got him when I was 20 and helped me through so much. He will be so dearly missed. It’s also breaking my heart that our other dog GS/husky has been with him since she was 4 months old. Sad to see her be alone.
Hate to be a downer I just wanted to get that off my chest. I wish I could stop time or turn it back. I don’t want these last moments with him to end. I love my good boy. | 14 |
I js can’t anymore | I can’t continue this endless cycle of waking up everyday and plastering a fake smile on my face.
I can’t keep grieving the two immensely important people I lost to cancer, missing them every single day.
I can’t keep living in the constant anxiety that everyone’s gonna leave me.
I can’t keep looking in the mirror and bawling my eyes out, then refusing to eat.
I can’t keep slicing open my flesh, hoping to feel something, anything.
I just can’t anymore. I don’t want to be here. | 0 |
I’m doing it | I have never been and will never be loved unconditionally. It’s probably my father issues making me feel mentally depressed when I have nobody else to be there for me, but wherever it’s from, I can’t take it anymore. My friend brushes it off like it’s nothing but I’m really just going to kill myself. Nothing brings me joy, people never care, and it’s not worth it anymore. None of the rest of my life will bring anyone joy and I know that from experience. I’m like people repellent, I fuck a vibe up as soon as I walk into an area. I just want love but nobody will give me anything. I just want love. | 1 |
Planning on overdosing | I just can't do life anymore I'm hoping this time the attempt will actually work | 1 |
Best friend died 4 years ago | Just sad today. I don't know if anyone else remembers the date or cares. If they don't remember, I don't want to bring them down by reminding them, but I also don't want to ignore the day.
I'm not as sad as the day it happened or the first year. And that makes me sad too. 22 years as friends. Eventually I'll reach the 22 year anniversary and she will have been gone as long as I knew her.
Fuck cancer. | 5 |
What is loneliness | That feeling when your In a public place trying to connect and never felt more lonely because no one cares fr | 0 |
Anyone who feels emotionally down or in pain. | Maybe you all feel like this, no one understands you because you hide it from everyone, when your around people you support them all and help them but don’t think about yourself at all, only when your home alone or in your room, you start to think about your emotions and what you want in life, but you feel like you have nothing and no one, you start to cry and start to think more about wishing you had that one person in your life who you could talk to and understand you, well to all that feels like this, you’re not alone and there’s nothing wrong with you, you’re just a emotional person and thinks about words but also emotionally feels them, not everyone will understand this but some will, there’s nothing wrong with crying but I also don’t want you to box everything inside yourself so just talk about it, it will help you, put a message below. | 4 |
I really wanted that job | I have been out of work for over a year now and I have been hunting for a job like crazy. I love movies and go to the theater like twice a week. I applied at this movie theater near me, not my main one but one thats just kind of there. I actually applied there last year but they did not accept me, dont know why I reapplied this time. So anyway I go to the interview and have a cool conversation with the manager I tell her I love movies and even show her all of my ticket stubs on my phone! I thought I was a shoe in. Today comes though and no call, no nothing. IT makes me sad. I have actually applied at three different movie theaters and they all rejected me on top of the other jobs I have applied for and still nothing. Its like they see my name or something and say "oh yeah this guy is unhirable dont hire him!". It just makes me feel sad. I REALLY thought they would call me. Well as of this moment i have decided to NEVER apply at a movie theater ever again, thanks for that manager lady you have deprived your industry of a very good worker. I hope in 2080 when I finally have a new job and I am 90, I will rejoice. | 0 |
Sometimes I wish I didn’t love my sister | So basically I want to kms and the only reason I’m not gonna do it is because of my sister and because I love her so much I don’t want to leave her alone. Well she won’t actually be alone because I have 2 brothers as well as her for siblings but she and I are so close we’re sort of like a 2 for 1 package lol and usually that would be a good thing but I don’t really like it because i so badly want to die but I know how miserable she would be. Also am I a bad person for not really feeling much about how my brothers and parents would feel if I die? Like I care about how my brothers would feel but that wouldn’t stop me and I don’t love my parents so idrc about them | 2 |
Tired and sad cuz feels like my bf doesn't love me anymore | He used be all for me. Whenever I needed him he was there. He would call me beautiful and sexy. Now he doesn't reply to my texts, doesn't compliment me, and refuses to sleep with me. It's really hurting my feelings and self esteem. I'm too scared to say anything because if he leaves I won't be able to find anyone like him again. I cry about every night now just wishing it would be just like before. | 9 |
i dont want to be alone anymore | i loved a girl since i met her and told her that but a friend of mine is doing everythin with her i wanted her to be my gf but now he‘s together with her i dont want to anymore. | 2 |
Why is assisted suicide so often prohibited? | I understand if someone wants to die and they're under 25. Their brain is still developing and their desire could be temporary. But what if they're over 25 and have not wanted to live for a long time? What makes governments think they have the right to stop them from asking help to die? Why force someone to suffer needlessly? Why force it upon that person? Especially if they don't have kids and are a drain to society and don't feel ike they have any reason for living? | 4 |
Can't cry | I live with people at home and I don't have any privacy to cry when I want to just cry. No locks in the house to have real privacy. I feel like there has been so many times I want to release the tears and screams from inside but I don't . I don't know what will become of me if I can't ever feel safe to release my emotions in my own space... | 1 |
New level of saddness | Guys, i just found a new level.
I listened to a song that says "I am hoping You are the one " and literally no one croses my mind. I am that single. | 2 |
I stopped caring | So this year was severely stressful for me in comparison to normalised stress.
Well recently, that stress feels like its gone, which is good but I feel a lack in caring for others, honestly I’m pretty happy but I don’t know if its a good thing or a bad thing, to be fair I don’t care but if anyone wants to share their opinion feel free | 3 |
Please read | I know you are hurt, I know it feels like no one understands you. I know you are full of confusion and feel empty. But Jesus Christ has changed my life and he can and will change yours if you give him the opportunity. "For God so loved the world **that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life**. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. LGBT is the work of the enemy causing confusion in our generations. I have felt the joy that only Jehovah can bring. Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in and dine with him, and he with Me - Rev 3:20
We are living in the end times, Repent of your sins. I do not speak these words to condemn you, but why would I not warn someone if their house is burning down with them in it, I say these words out of love and hopes that you will find salvation in the name of JESUS | 0 |
I feel like a bad boy... | people judge you without even knowing you there are times when i think no one is perfect in this life that no matter what people say about you be yourself don't worry some days you're going to feel like you're nothing you don't want to be alive and things like that, but everyone has bad days and sometimes there will be days when you feel happy, you want to do what you want to be with the people who make you happy... | 1 |
im trying to improve my self and stop chasing people's approval. how do i do it? im sick of my self for chasing people endlessly and have 0 friends. | im exercising, sleeping well, studying, working, reading, learning a new language, trying to learn other skills also, facing my fears, literally anything i can do i do to improve my self im doing
but i want to do more, i just don't know what
create a YouTube channel? start a company? create something useful? there is so options and i dont know what to do with it
im 21, and i literally have no friends, i know my self worth isnt based on making friends or any thing external, but i dont know what to base it on either, i know base it on internally but i dont know on what
i mistake my validation for myself for the validation of others to me
its like i get addicted to people pleasing or getting approval. but i know they wont make up happy
i talk to girls online because dating not allowed in iraq unless you do it secretly then marry, but i know this is dumb as hell, i could be doing something else instead of bothering people.
i just dont know what
but not a single soul likes me or loves me or cares about me.
i hate that online its always me texting first and texting more and asking a ton of questions just fo get the convo rolling then it fails, because i don't know what to talk about
yesterday one told me i ask to many questions and i should stop talking, maybe im being annoying by saying to much just to try to get them to respond
recently i fixed my addictive behavior of porn/trying to sext to every girl, now im just trying to make friends because i dont see any reason why i even want to sext or get a GF online since most live in Europe and it would be pointless.
i think i dont talk to girls online in where i live because i really dont want a GF, since i know im not good at making friends, how would i get a GF?
this is more about me basing my self worth on how others react or say, its exhausting, i dont care as much as i used to be its still there.
and when girls ignore and leave on seen i keep sending them messages, maybe to prove to my self that "Im a bad boy with charisma" which im not, to prove to my self that im worthy of making friends
i care about way too much about making friends, i dont know how to not care and still have friends. if i didn't care at all i would be just a lonely dude sitting in the corners.
i know my issue is self worth and self confidence i just don't know what to chase. what to fight for, whats my passion, what do i want, why do i even want friends.
im way better than 3 years ago. i would fap 8 times a day. now i have better control over my self and emotions
and try to recognize my "approval seeking behaviors" i just dont know what i should change my behavior to, i don't know who i want to be.
i want to be assertive/confident/cool/funny/witty but i don't know how. before saying anything i think of ways to be all of these together in one sentence. but most of the time i can't think of anything
i run out of things to talk about quickly, most of these chats with these girls are not even conversations, its mostly awkward "Why did you text me" or "What do you want" when i would just send "How is it going" probably a boring starter as well
maybe im just annoying as hell in general and no one likes me and its that simple.
its like im so desperate and sad just to get approval and others attention, its pathetic i know. im aware of it.
i know there's more to life than just sex and girls.
im either nice or an asshole, no middle ground most of the time
like what are conversations about? what do i say? what should i say? its so hard.
i literally dont know what to say.
its like people smell desperation a mile away, how do i change this?
how do i change my people pleasing behavior? how do i change my desperate traits?
i deleted my social medias, hopefully never downloading them again. its like a weight lifted off me
i dont want to be a boring normal "Nice guy" with no personality traits other than "Nice" i want to love my self so i can finally stop living misrabley, i want to take control over my life, my emotions and thoughts, go after what i want and my passions and work towards my goals, which i dont know what are those yet | 2 |
Friday Blues | So deeply sad at how stupid and ungrateful I was. Sad at hardening a great persons heart. Sad at ruining a relationship that was so great and happy when I acted right. Just extreme sadness all around for my many shortcomings as a man. | 2 |
Undertale | My brother passed away when he was 21, I was just 17. It devastated my family, he had broken down on the side of the highway and a drunk driver hit him.
It was really hard for me especially since my mom and dad we legally separated my brother basically raised me. While my mom was gone at work we would play video games to pass the time and we didnt have to go to school because we were homeschooled.
I remember when undertale came out it was all my brother played. He had gone every route possible on undertale but he never let me watch because he wanted to do a run where he let me chose the path. However, we moved shortly after, and in amidst trying to find a house and sleeping in our aunts basement my brother left to go live with our dad due to my mom not wanting him to date a girl.
fast forward five years and its a week after he passed, I got his PC he had built sometime earlier. I logged on and went on steam knowing thats where all the games him and i had played would be on there.
Steam graciously logged in automatically, and when i went to most hours played on steam, his third most played game was undertale.
i never got to play my run of undertale with him. | 14 |
I've never felt so down in my life | Background: I'm an orchestral musician but I don't have a permanent job yet. I'm currently part of an Academy program with a pro orchestra, which is basically a paid internship. So for the last 1.5 years I have played with this orchestra regularly, had lessons with many of the permanent members, and took part in several organized workshops. As an academician, I have advantages in auditions for this orchestra: because they already know me, I don't have to play the 1st round in any of their auditions (normally there are 3 rounds; the first 2 are behind a screen to promote fairness). Since joining the program, I've done 2 auditions for them for two different positions, and I never got past the screen (to the finals). The most recent one was almost 3 weeks ago, and it hit me harder than anything in my life. They didn't end up taking anybody so I'll have another chance in the Fall, but I still feel hopeless and unmotivated to get back on my feet. I am usually a very happy person, but this has really affected my mental state. I know this doesn't sound like a big deal, but given that this orchestra knows me super well, this experience has hurt me more than any other rejection in my life. I can't explain why, but I feel betrayed. Everyone says it's nothing personal since I was behind a screen so they didn't know it was me, but honestly it feels really personal and I can't seem to let it go. | 1 |
i’ve had the worst 12 months of my life and i just want it to stop going downhill | within the past 12 months, i’ve unexpectedly lost my job (business closed down in 2 days and was ghosted by owner), been violently sexually assaulted, had to move in with my parents, dwindled my bank account, applied for 200+ jobs and gotten no responses, lost the only person i’ve ever loved, and so many other small things in between. i’m trying so hard to stay afloat but it’s all gotten a bit too heavy for me. there is only so much i can do and everything else is out of my control. i don’t know how long i can go on like this. i’m trying so, so hard. every day keeps getting worse and it is such a dreadful feeling to wake up every morning. i’m so tired. | 7 |
I've come to terms that I'm the disposable friend. | I've come to terms that I'm the disposable friend. We all grew up together and now as we have gotten older they always do stuff without me. I'm never asked to hang, I'm never asked how I've been, I'm always ignored in our group chat. Now both of my main friends in the group are married and won't even talk to me.
I was always there for everyone. I would drop everything and anything for them. They where like my brothers and now I'm just a stranger.
I'm not jealous of them for being married. I decided a long time ago that I wanted to stay single. I'm just shocked at how quickly I was forgotten.
The other guys have all made smaller groups and just do their own things. Whenever I ask to join them, they just ignore me.
I just wish I could have seen this coming sooner. I wish I hadn't waisted years of my life only to be abandoned by everyone. It happened with my parents, it happened with my siblings, and now the only people I thought I had left.
I heart is in pieces and I don't know what to do. | 4 |
This is just sad😔 | So before i was born my dad had heart problims and been cofing and always tired years latter his health has benn declining and last week he had to go 2 hospital and next week he going in Sergey and may not make it out😔😔😔😔 | 1 |
Sad but true | Ah very sad, anyways. It is what it is. Gotta be tough. | 1 |
Too apathetic to care | I have completely given up. Life just continues to kick me in the dick, even when I'm down. I've already attempted 14 times and failed every time, and at this point I can't even muster up the effort to attempt anymore. Every day is just waking up, suffering, and going back to bed. Why do I gotta be like this? | 4 |
Me I am so tired of my cousin | He all way get me involved with his own stuff I am tried of trying to be the perfect person but I am giving up i don’t know what else to do | 5 |
I’m just tired of everything! | I’m tired of coming home from a 12 hour day in the hot sun and getting told I have more stuff I “have to do”. I don’t have to get yard work done. I don’t have to do the landscaping! What I need to do is rest! It’s not my fault I forgot to do something when I specifically say “I need your help and I need you to remind me”. My day is filled with so much stress at work I don’t need to come home to it! I’m just so tired of being sad and miserable all the time! I miss being happy and want that feeling again! | 0 |
I hate this | A stupid reaction to a stupid “joke” has me crying myself to sleep for this first time in ages. Once again, I don’t feel like I can express how I feel without it being turned against me. This isn’t a common occurrence, but i notice it most often when Im feeling really hurt. I always end up apologising and trying to fix things when really what I want is some sort of validation. An “it’s okay that you feel that way, I’m sorry that I caused that feeling”. I feel like I can’t be upset about something that has happened without it becoming more than what it is. My brain is being unkind. Anxiety has taken over. I’m aware the thoughts I’m having aren’t rational or necessarily true but it doesn’t stop them from forming. I’m tired. Mentally. Emotionally. Physically. I don’t even know why I’m writing this. Maybe if I get it out I’ll be able to silence the thoughts. I’m just feeling incredibly hurt and sad right now. | 6 |
Ever had a thought like this? | Do you think back on things, and wonder maybe if you were here things would be different?
Whelp too late now.
Fuck. | 1 |
Very deep question but would you say self harming to the extent of having to have hospital treatment/hospitalisation for a suicide attempt, makes someone a narcissistic/selfish person? | If I'm honest, it makes me feel like a shit stain of a human being for knowing that(even though I understand I was anxiety wise unwell/emotionally unwell at the time) something I did to myself(a self harm related eye injury which I had to have two surgeries for, when I was 12) has probably caused trauma for my family. And yes I know that to an extent I probably also have some trauma/difficult emotions about what I did to myself but I cant help but feel like every time something goes wrong or every time there's a small disagreement between my family that it's a result of/it all stems back to my decision to hit my eye. But idk what to do because I'm also very scared that I have terminal cancer(believing that I'm seriously ill) and it kinda makes me feel like I'm going to have a panic attack feeling like I'm going to end up back in the same hospital environment. Just generally feel like a mess tbh
[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/14gdj9y) | 1 |
Not much hope | Just been feeling hopeless about my future. Everyone around me says it’s ok to not know what I want to do with my life right now. I’m still young, I have plenty of time they say. I’m so tired of not knowing who I am or what I might become. I want something to be passionate about and love doing but lately I’ve been willing to do just anything that I can live off of without having to do physical labor. I currently work a physical job and hate it. My last job was too and now I feel stuck. Like I could never do anything else.
That’s all I guess, thanks for reading. | 1 |
Idk what to do | I've been unemployed for over an year and I don't know what to do and how to now approach the job market. I graduated in 2022. At that time I was hoping to get into grad school hence didn't sit for any job interviews. When I couldn't get into the grad school of choice, I thought I'll prepare for a yaer and again apply next year. Now a year has passed and I still didn't get in. I find my year long gap on the resume hard to explain and now I don't even know where to start again and how to approach the job market | 2 |
Damm bad birthday | How is it that more of my plugs say happy birth day then my friends and family combined | 2 |
I wish that I could mean as much to my parents like my brother does | . | 1 |
There’s a point in time where you cannot keep fighting this battle of life | I’m slowly cutting off all of my friends and family because of me not feeling the need to settle for being treated like shit. I got word that I need to be out of my friends place next week. I had a decent job and a decent apartment and it was stripped away from me. I have been treated as if I am wasted space. Why keep living a life like this? I thought I had some understanding but it’s clearly done for me. I wanted to be a graphic designer and a broadcaster, but ever since the tragic events I faced, I’ve lost pretty much all confidence and faith within myself. I am a 29 single man with no police/criminal record. I know I am talented, but talent doesn’t keep you alive. I have maybe 6 bucks to my name. I have to worry about what I’m going to eat, how I’m going to get medicine, etc and I can honestly say that I am done with life. I fucking hate it here so much. I keep telling myself that there’s a larger reward at the end of this battle but I’m afraid I have officially lost. | 7 |
Help me I can't do this anymore | Please someone talk me out of it I really need help I'm just fing scared and tired of everything I was fine yesterday but today I'm in soo much pain it kills me and I can't let go of it idk y I'm this way I just can't help it tomorrow I'm going to go get ammo and take care of it I'm just ready to let go of it and go to my next life and I really hope I don't feel the pain | 12 |
No matter what happens, you will be ok. | I wish peace for you. | 20 |
I'm tired... | Of not knowing. Of wondering. Of spending what may be my last few years crying myself to sleep every night. | 3 |
Breakdowns/bullying | I'm 13 and in year 8 and I'm Gay. I was on my friends school bus instead of the usual school bus I get on because I wanted to go to my friends house. These boys at the back of the bus started calling me names, then the bus made a stop and as one of the boys sat at the back of the bus walked down the isle to get off the bus he threatened to batter me and told me to sl!t my wrists. I then got off the bus and so did all of the kids as it was the last stop. One of the kids that were sat at the back started pushing me and wouldn't leave me alone and started calling me names, so I took a picture of him. He then pushed me into a hedge, held me up by my collar and forced me to delete the photo while I was stood there shaking. I then walked off after deleting the photo and he followed me. He continued to push me while I kept trying to walk off, humiliated as everyone stands recording me and laughing. Some people saw what was going on and intervened. I walked off crying as everyone crowded in a circle around me trying to make me feel better, only after they recorded me and laughed about it though. Even my best friend. Turns out he was bullying me because I was gay, and when asked why he did it by a TEACHER he accused me of setting his garden on fire. He made up complete lies about me as an excuse for bullying me. That same night I was in bed, and that video about me was everywhere. I stared at it and tears started streaming down my face. I grabbed a ruler that was in my school bag, snapped it and used it to commit sh for the first time. I was crying so hard that I couldn't breath and all I wanted to do was die, if I was dead I wouldn't have to live with the humiliation, right? Ever since then I've had random breakdowns for no reason and they just get worse every time, the second time it happened I did it again with the same ruler. Then it happened a 3rd time and I decided to talk to one of my friends instead of resorting to hurting myself. It's gotten better now, but there are still times I look at the scars I left on my arm and get a twisted feeling in my stomach. | 10 |
thinking | I've been thinking today and I hate it
I hate all of it
I've been thinking about all the times where someone else made me feel uncomfortable in my own body, uncomfortable dressing how I like, uncomfortable being feminine at all, or being sexualized BECAUSE I'm feminine.
My old best friend; she constantly said people were staring at me, which always made me feel like there was someone watching me. Freaked me out. She constantly sexualized me, saying men and women would like my tits or my body shape, knowing damn well I'm ace. She once put a big ass poster on my locker with a more revealing photo of me on it for my bday and said that I'm "single and ready to mingle". She tried to hook me up with people much older than me, and she gave my ex ammo and shit, which I'll get into.
My ex; she fully expressed to my old best friend that she wanted sex from me. A minor. She said she wanted sex and a sexual relationship from me. She emotionally manipulated me into trying these things. I told her day 1 of our relationship, I didn't want her touching my thighs. Two days later, she grabs pretty high up my thigh on the inner part. Completely without my consent. I was wearing a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. Nothing that really made anything seem sexual. She once told me she thought about me while masturbating and I was really grossed out. After that, I cut ties to our relationship. She made me feel so fucking crappy that I have a damn hourglass bodyshape. I felt trapped. Like I'd never be anything more than a "girl" being touched and used. She's the reason why I despise feeling any sort of femininity. I hate it. I despise feeling feminine.
Also because of her, I hate my legs. She used to make fun of them, asked me why I had so many scars, cuts and bruises there in a really rude way and a way that also called them out and made them the center of attention. I have a circular hole-looking scar on my right knee because of a necrosis bite from something, bruises because I'm clumsy and cuts from self-harm. I hate when it's pointed out like she did often.
I really hate when people use she/her pronouns for me too. That sucks. I get I'm genderfluid and all and I don't mind most pronouns, but something other than she/her would be nice.
I feel so fucking ugly. I feel fat, I know I'm not, I'm 5'8 and 157lbs, but my mother fatshamed me. Said I eat too much. I hardly eat, probably about a small snack everyday to every other day. I'm far too feminine. My hair is growing out and it's longer now and I look like a girl so fucking much I hate myself for looking this way. I hate that everyday when I look down at my hands, all it is is a bunch of short, torn up nails and scars from previous self-harm. I hate this. I hate all of this. | 3 |
I WISH I could go back in time… | You know how they say, you don’t know how good you’ve got it until it’s gone…
That’s actually true - I never realised or knew how good I had it until after 12 months of living in a regional town.
Just over 12 months ago, I made the stupid decision to move my family to a really nice beachside town but we bought the worst house in the street.
The place was rundown and over 60 years old. I thought it had a lot of potential and I was excited by it. It needed a lot of work and we had $80k aside for an extension to change the house from a 2 bedroom to a 3 bedroom house plus more.
It wasn’t until we moved in that we found out the place was riddled with asbestos. Now that $80k and more, has been spent on fixing the old place and we have no money for an extension.
Fast forward 12 months to now, the place is still not finished and there’s no end in sight.
Today, my partner of 11 years was going through some memories on her phone with our kids.
In there, she showed me photos and videos of us having a good time in our old suburb and all the things we used to do.
I have nothing but absolute regret.
I just wish every day that I could go back in time and never have bought this house.
I literally hate myself more and more as every day goes by.
I’m so fuckin’ sad from it.
I never knew what I had until it was gone. | 2 |
Would you class going to hospital for surgery for a self harm injury as being trauma(I was 12 at the time) | Be honest plz
[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/14fmta5) | 1 |
I literally feel destroyed | Context you need to know, I have a great relationship with my mom, my cat is my best friend in the world and is one of the only 2 things I genuinely feel like I would kill for along with my mom... And I can't move out...
So... I have a cat, I've had him for 3 years, and I genuinely love him more than my brother, his name is Baymax and he's my love care companion. About a year ago we got a few new cats.... And my cat doesn't like one of them... A lot... So they often fight, and it's always my cat that starts it. So we established a method to keep them apart... But for the past month... My cat has gotten so aggressive that whenever my mom or brother interferes in the fights... He claws at them... He doesn't do this to me, he genuinely cuddles with me, and actually cares for me when I'm sad... He's my best friend
My mom has told me that she has had enough of him fighting and that she's gonna get rid of my cat... I've tried negotiating with her, but she won't budge.... So I've been crying for the past 2 hours now... Genuinely feeling destroyed and betrayed by my own mom, I don't know what to do... I'm so fucking antisocial my cat means more to me than anything... And I'm losing him, I'm bawling my eyes out while I'm at work writing this... I don't know what to do...
For a moment, I even felt like I wanted to make her suffer... To do something to make her feel emotional pain like this... Because like I said, my connection with her is so good that we are genuinely each others therapists. Problem is.... My mom has depression and is suicidal... So anything I do would make her want to kill herself... And that's the last thing I want... So now I'm forced here, to lose my best friend, to break my connection with my family, and to genuinely lose a piece of my soul... And I can't do anything... I'm sorry for bothering anyone who will actually read this, but I just felt like I needed to express my feelings somewhere... And my mom is the last place I want to do that. Thanks for listening to this depressed antisocial idiot, bye. | 1 |
Don't know want to do anymore | My best friend died of cancer around when I was 9 ever since than there family just got worse and worse it crushed the little sister she ended up getting put in a hospital after she got out she offed herself on the day before my birthday they were my only friends ever since than I've felt numb and have had thoughts of suicidal | 1 |
Happy art | I'm supposed to be uplifting.. its in my name.. but it just sucks when I offer to draw people so many times and no one even acknowledges me. I draw to keep me out of a funk.. now I'm slipping into that funk. I try to be so positive but I guess even the "happy" guys are not always happy. I have such a silver lining mind set but sometimes I just have to be realistic.
This is not a pity party to get a bunch of people asking me to draw them.. its just me venting. Thanks for your time reading. | 1 |
A message for those who post about wanting to die | I've been on this sub for only a few days and I want to send a message to those who are considering suicide. If you feel overwhelmed, ready to end it all, please take a minute and click on the suicide contact links provided to you by this sub. There are professionals who can help you. Speak with them. Share your feelings. I want you to know, that the world will not be the same without you. Someone will miss you. Even the Redditor reading your post. There are kind people here who do care and want to see you happy again. I'm here. Just a person, but I'll listen. | 24 |
Advice | I have had a lot of trauma in my life. Now, some people say that only the strongest get the hardest of lives, we all suffer, or life is cruel. I don't think anyone can explain what has happened in my life. I am miserable though. It's not depression as it is literally those I am surrounded by causing it. I have looked into the targeted individual situation (which wouldn't surprise me). I have tried to be nice and friendly and it doesn't go anywhere. I have tried standing up for myself and it doesn't go anywhere. I am literally a good person trapped in a terrible situation getting bullied every single day. I don't know who I am anymore because I was too busy trying to please people. How can I get through this? I know that people are giving me my "karma" because they have told me that. So, what do I do? I tried to be a relatively decent person. I guess I was stupid. Please help. Any advice from someone that went through something like this? | 0 |
Crazy world | In a bizarre twist of fate, it turns out that dogs in first-world countries enjoy a superior quality of life compared to folks in developing nations. Mind-boggling, isn't it | 1 |
Mom likes my brother more | Idk why. he does nothing around the house, spends ALL of her money and has failed almost all of his classes.
I clean the house, make money as an artist taking commissions, assist with a massage for her after a hard day of work, etc.
I literally overheard her tell my brother that she liked him more than me. They thought I was asleep and she said very confidently that she liked him more. idk what I’m doing wrong. idk why she likes me less.
I find myself being angry at my brother because of this and he hasn’t done anything wrong, but I can’t help myself. I’ll scream at him and then cry in regret later.
If I do the smallest thing wrong, she will scream at me. I’m sensitive and cry easily, so once the tears start coming she gets more upset. Last time this happened she said “oh please. Don’t even start”
I have many more instances of my brother being the favorite but if I wrote them all this would take years to read. I’m just fed up. I cant wait to move out. | 3 |
another year. 21. | today is my 21st birthday and i’m spending it all alone yet again and i hate my life. I didn’t think i would make it to 21 and i don’t even want to be alive. I fucking hate it someone please put me in a coma forever i can’t take it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i don’t want to ever wake up | 2 |
Looking for a sponsor is turning into a nightmare | I'm Venezuelan, So, this screenshot is of the registration page for [Welcome.us](https://Welcome.us) sponsor facebook thing for humanitarian parole that you can use to try and get an sponsor, it opens every third tuesday of the month and supposedly (i haven't been able to try it yet) helps you connect with potential sponsors. Last time around i connected at 11 am, went into the waiting queue and got this dreaded notice of full registration without being able to join, dusted myself off and told myself that i will wait to the next month. Yesterday i left my computer on with the page open, and went to sleep, i couldn't sleep, around 1 am or 2 am there was a blackout and i spent all night, in utter darkness reading the Martian on my phone in front of my computer monitor hoping electricity came back, it didn't come back until 6 AM, i turn the computer on and get in the queue waiting for the time to start the registration process, i downed a jar of coffee, eat some breakfast and kept reading to kill time, sure enough 11 am comes and i get into the next queue, the screen prompts me that i'll get my turn in a minute or so, the counter turns to a day, i gasp, there's no way i'll be able to register, but the counter starts going down from a day to 15 hrs, 12 hrs, 8 hrs, 4 hrs, 2 hrs and then registration is now full. I've asked all my old friends that were smarter than me and left the country while they could still get a visa and asked for asylum, to sponsor me, my daughter and my wife and everybody has turned me down because they're using the system to get their families into the States, my mother can't because she just got TPS, while, i'm scrambling down here to pay for the school of my daughter and trying to keep something in the fridge to eat, because of the dramatic economic downturn of the country (because of a recent corruption scandal) the paper i used to work in had layoffs (i'm a journalist) and i lost my job. My stepmom (that is also in the US, waiting for her asylum application to get approved) had like a year asking me to try and get to US, with stories of how if you work you will live at least live a dignified life, i finally decide to do it, since everybody turned me down i decide to use the Welcome connect thing and i don't even manage register... I'm tired, i have to move back to my dad house in a week because i lost my apartment, i don't know what to do anymore, everything i built with hard work is crumbling and i'm afraid i might never be able to get a sponsor to finally leave this place behind. Sorry for the random way i explained the situation but it's been 48 hrs since i last slept, i'm going to sleep, thanks reddit from letting me rant. | 4 |
Nothing makes sense anymore | For the past two years I’ve been battling depression. I am 15 and turn 16 in 6 days. Countless times I’ve thought about how no one cares about me and how it would be better if I was gone. I always think that no one understands what I’m going through. I used to think therapy helped, but now it’s just something that I lie in in order to avoid talking about my pain. I sometimes feel like my life is meaningless and that things may never get better. You may think that I might not have a good life, but that’s the opposite. I have caring and amazing parents that only want the best for me. I have a close bond with my younger sister. All of my friends are amazing and supportive. I have so many people in my corner. I have so much going for me. My parents are lucky enough to be able to provide us with so much, and I am so grateful for that. I get good grades, and barely have any enemies. I do treadmill and cross country and I’m pretty good at it. So many people would love to have my life, so I don’t understand why I feel this way. I love everyone in my life and everything they do for me. I would do anything to protect them. So why, if I have this amazing and desirable life, why do I feel like nothing is worth it. Am I selfish? I hope I’m not. I just can’t figure out why everything seems so meaningless. Sometimes I wish there was a way for me to die without it effecting my parents or friends, but I know that’s not possible. Part of me wants to live and keep fighting, but another just wants it to be over. I overthink things and suffer from ocd, anxiety, and insomnia as well. It’s like living in a body with two different people. One wants to die and let the bad thoughts in, while the other is fighting to live. Life just doesn’t make sense anymore. I want so badly to listen to the voice that tells me to keep fighting, so I will continue to try for that little piece inside of me that knows everything will be alright. I need to do this for everyone that cares about me. I need to live, no matter how hard it is. | 3 |
Venting discord for getting support and advice | I call it the safe space, as it should be a safe space and positive environment for everyone to receive advice, support, and much more.
Also, just a heads up that it’s only for those looking for a supportive environment and not anything inappropriate, I’ve had one or two instances where people joined and started pming others and harassing them, just wanted to make that clear. Nothing wrong with relationships but no harassment is tolerated, tysm! | 0 |
Thank you and goodbye | I would like to thank everyone who reached out and tried to help me but I just can't seem to get happy or get better, I don't know if this will be my last post. Once again, thank you.
Update:My rope snapped, I'm still alive unfortunately | 12 |
I can’t find my Nintendo Switch… | It’s been months since I lost it and I’m about ready to give up. I still have my games and charging cord, but I’m putting them in my closet as of today. Saying goodbye to all the fun times I had. Smash Ultimate, Splatoon 2 and 3, Kirby and the Forgotten Land, Nickelodeon Allstar Brawl, Mortal Kombat 11, Bugsnax, Mario Odyssey, and Pokemon… All now nothing but memories I cant go back to… Thank You Nintendo… But I guess my days of playing Video Games are over… | 5 |
I got banned from suicidewatch. | I am kinda a veteran there. But I typed one comment and I got banned for unknown reason. Mods Say rule violation but I didn't See anything what violated the rules. I don't know how I can help people there anymore | 0 |
My long term best friend isn't my best friend anymore. | We were best friends since highschool. More than a decade of being best friends. I don't want to get into specifics. We're still friends but.. yeah I don't have a best friend anymore. I always have.. it's weird. And I feel dumb for not realizing sooner that I don't have one. Sorry for being vague. I'm sad. | 1 |
i let her in | i don't let people in, i was happy, living all by myself. i eat, sleep, study, go on late night walks, i had a freaking perfect life. people ialways leave, i stopped letting them in, but i let her.
A friend of a friend, that all she was, i used to meet her, say hay, and move on.
then i decided to hang around, for five minutes that day. the five turned to fifteen, to hours, then to whole morning. her beautiful eyes turned our time together to whole days, from morning to the afternoon, at which point we would just start messaging and joking around.
it was nothing like the calm lonely life i used to be in, and i loved that feeling. the feeling of being a friend, of having someone to talk to.
then it hit me, this, all of this, won't last.
She'll leave, like all those before her, like it never happened, and i'll be back to my usual calm, silent life. but how could i handle that life again, after i saw how life is with her ? after i laughed so hard, talked so long, and forgot how to be alone.
if just ghost her, she won't care, but i'll always think i ruined it myself.
but if i don't, ill just fade away into the background of her life, as i always do.
Ah
it going to be a long month
but i'll survive
like i always do
i hope so. | 3 |
Just feeling like shit | Hey. I'm (M22) new here, and I don't typically post on Reddit. I guess I just want to get things off my mind..I don't know. I just feel so incredibly overwhelmed by everything, especially my relationship.
What used to be amazing turned into me walking on eggshells and being careful about how I talk/act with my girlfriend.. every day there's another reason for me to be called stupid, or a bitch, or God knows what else. I called her today (about an hour ago) after work to which she called me a bitch for because I didn't ask if she was busy. I mean, I guess I probably should've asked. I don't know. She now is telling me not to talk to her for 2 days because she wants a break. There's other, probably better examples of these issues but I don't want to get into them right now.
Work is fucking with me as well. I'm a recent (December '22) graduate in biomedical engineering. I'm getting interviews but always end up being told I don't have enough experience. So currently I'm stuck at my part time..which I can't stand much longer. It's in the produce dept of a supermarket. It's really not a bad job, but something about being unable to land a role in my field just gets to me.
Been on a diet as well to better myself, along with going to the gym. This is probably the highlight of every day. I guess the way I'm feeling is like I'm frozen in time, and the same issues recur every single day. And I guess that feeling of being stuck is making me feel sad.
I wanna say I'm "okay", for the most part. But I'm just not happy, and thinking about it, I think the last time I genuinely was happy was in the last 2 years of highschool.
Anyways..just wanted to get that out because I felt like typing it out would help me feel better. It kind of did to an extent. Also, apparently it's my cakeday. Nice. | 1 |
Just a repost because I want someone to hear | If I were to disappear would anyone care. If something like that happen would I remain conscious. I’m such a useless piece of shit I sometime forget that. I do nothing to contribute to society. The amount of people that I have either hurt or that just don’t give a shit about me makes my skin crawl. What purpose do I have for living. If I were to blow my fucking brains out how many people would care. Not any I would bet. I sit around in my chair all fucking day and be a fat Ass I judge other people for things that I do just to feel like I have any redeeming qualities at all. I constantly do dumb shit just because so I can feel like I have a sense of control in my life. But the truth is that I have jack shit. I have an Xbox a be so what. What is it compared to the affection or the attention that I longed for, for years. I steal shit like a fuckin criminal because I don’t feel like I can ask for shit because who would give something to a useless piece of shit like me. Not even my parents think much of me. My father doesn’t even talk to me and my step mother thinks that I am an embarrassment. I would say the only reason that I kept myself alive is because of my sibling but to be honest fuck that. It’s because I’m a fucking pussy that can’t get shit done. I have no idea where I grew up so I just tell people New Jersey or Delaware because who the fuck cares where I was born. I act like I’m better than people who constantly get into fight when the reality is when I was younger I fought people for fun most of the time I would get my ass kicked cause I was a bitch but as I grew up I just didn’t like doing it so whenever someone made me mad all I could do is cry like a pussy because I hate hurting other people which rarely stay consistent because there are time I feel like I want to break peoples arms just to let off steam. When ever my friends make fun off me for shit I blame my parents which isn’t all wrong but in reality I wouldn’t do this shit anyways because why the fuck do I have to do anything if I don’t even want to live past the age of 20. I sat down staring at TikTok reading Reddit stories of sad shit people went through. I just started sobbing thinking about what my life came to. I feel trapped in my own skin I want to slice my stomach open and penalize myself from my never ending pain. Do people really like me or do they tolerate me. Am I a nuisance. Yeah I get on peoples nerves but is it funny annoying if I wish this kid would jump off a fuckin roof so I don’t ever have to see him again. I go to school in this nice ass neighbor hood but for some reason still don’t feel complete. I feel like a piece of shit because I know that someone can ask me to do something and I will still somehow be able to fuck it up. With everyone it’s am I doing enough or not doing enough. I mentally fuck with people so that I can have control over something even though in the end I just end up getting myself into more trouble if I could change things I would but at this point in life I just can’t give enough shits to care or atone enough. I sit around waiting to see if my brain will just let me spill my guts and die. I’m a selfish prick and I want everything to myself because I didn’t have things I call people poor as an insult even though I used to live in a dingy ass apartment building. When I lived with my mother I got in trouble daily. I was told that she od’d or alcohol didn’t mix with whatever Amit depressant she was taking but I sometimes can’t help but think did she kill herself because I was a shit son, was I so awful even as a child that she could t live with it any more. Or did she just never want me in the first place. I never tell anyone because I know I would have to live with the actions of my thoughts being brought to the public eye. I wish I wasn’t here living. I wish someone else would have been able to be me live in my place I have a body with so much athletic potential yet I laze around and chose to be fucking fat. I can barely run anywhere without having to catch my breathe for ten minutes straight. And the reason I have people for giving me criticism is because I already fucking hate myself for being those things. You think I wanna be a fucking fat ass. Scratch that do you think I want to be me because I know people who are fat asses but still have there shit right people like them their popular and have tons of friend despite that I just can’t get my shit together and when brain dumping this I can’t help but still sob to myself while reflecting on what went wrong In life to lead me here. Did something just happen whilst I was younger or was I just destined to be a useless piece of shit. I fell so sick to my stomach I want to hurl just knowing all the shit that led me to this point in time. Yes there are people off way worse and yes I probably am being over dramatic or just being a fucking son all together but I just don’t want to exist anymore because at some point it just a get tiring having the be the weird kid. The fat Ass . The good for nothing disappointment. I was called an embarrassment by my parents for having 2 c’s even though there are kids way worse. I tell everyone as soon as I can I am moving as far away from anything as possible but in all honesty I hope I just die peacefully before then. This is not a reach for help nor is it some shitty excuse for sympathy. It not me being cheesy although maybe slightly for attention that I lack in a home environment. I don’t know what I want if someone does read it or if I post it but in all honest I’m tired. I’m sick of shit not going my way or not stacking up to what I want them to be. I just hope that somewhere along the line something will end my suffering so that o can just be done with it all. I have no choices in any of the things that I am able to do I just wanted to enjoy life I wanted nothing more I didn’t care about being rich. I didn’t want to be famous I just wanted have some really good friends that I could goof off with at midnight but life even made hanging out difficult. I’m such a fucking idiot. | 1 |
Numbness and a fear I can’t explain | I don’t know exactly what to say and I doubt this will help me in anything but I’d thought I would share it so maybe it makes some people feel better about themselves.
So some people just suck, thats just a fact of life and some people are bullies, now in my particular case it doesn’t really matter what they did, but it was this vicious cycle of being treated harshly by some people and then when that calmed down unluckily being treated harshly again by a different group of people. It really brought my confidence down and self esteem went bye-bye. In a nutshell I just repressed how I felt, I even suffered with dissociation for a month or two because I just didn’t want to be around those people anymore. Anyways as a result of me repressing my emotions, recently I tried to release emotion about every week, but to no progress, I just live on a foundation of fear and low confidence with no other emotion.
Don’t get me wrong, I am a happy person, but when someone purposefully tries to make my day worse in return to make themselves feel better, I just dwell on it and theres a fear that I just can’t explain. | 1 |
I feel like crying | Lonely, ugly, stressed, bored and hopeless
I don't know what to do anymore. I'm trying to distract myself on my phone but it's just me flicking through the same three apps every 10 seconds because nothing new is updated in that timeframe.
I don't know what to do. My chest feels tight. | 5 |
Be as honest as you like-Would you say someone should feel guilty/like a shitty person if they have trauma as a result of something they did to themselves(for me, having to go to hospital for quite intense surgery for self harm when I was 12) such as self harm or suicide attempt related trauma? | Idk if it's because I have an overthinking brain but I feel like often it feels like every time every time there is a disagreement/argument regardless of how small, that I feel like it all traces back to when I hit myself and ended up in hospital. It makes me feel like a really shitty human being, like even though im a really emotional/sensitive person, at the same time I have a strong fear of vulnerability so it's rare for me to sit down with someone or even share online that something is still hurting me emotionally, but if im honest, knowing that my family probably have trauma because of what I did to myself, makes me feel kind of quivery because no one made me hit myself and idk what to do because it's almost like I'll often have moments where I sort of want to open up to just one person at one of the groups I go to and if I did that then I feel like id be able to let myself cry and let the shame and guilt out through cathartic crying but for some reason every time, I just can't bring myself to do it.
[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/14eq1wl) | 1 |
Overwhelming feeling of loneliness on vacation | I am on vacation with my family including my 2 sisters, who both have boyfriends. I am the oldest sibling but I do not have a girlfriend. I am 25 years of age. I guess I just haven't tried with tinder or anything because I lack a lot of confidence in myself from being rejected before. But tonight my sister's went away with their boyfriends and my parents also left for the evening. So here I am alone in rather large villa and I never felt so lonely like this. Here I am sitting by the pool alone feeling sorry for myself. I had a look around to make sure it was ok to break down and cry and I did I still am while I write this. I feel so humiliated and embarrassed that both my sister's have boyfriends and I do not have a girlfriend or have had one for a very long time as I am the oldest sibling. I can't tell anyone this but I feel so worthless and alone right now I just wanted to rant. All my friends have girlfriends I just haven't put myself out there and now I am alone. | 1 |
“..it feels like the bullet hit me in the chest but there’s no blood or puncture to triage, only the knowledge that I’ll forever live with a pellet of iron inside of me.” | this is exactly how I’m feeling. wanted to share in case that was the case for you too | 2 |
my cat died | on May 17th 2023, my cat died, i don't know what to do anymore i live with my aunt, and also my cousin, (keep in mind he's five years old) he constantly screams out me, threatens to kill me, ask me to do something and when i do it he starts crying, and then i get in trouble for it, people think that because i'm 10 and my cousin is 5, i'm mean to him, but its the other way around, the way my cat died was poison via plant, my aunt figured out the plant was poisonous to cats, and after that, SHE BOUGHT MORE OF THE PLANTS, WHEN MY CAT DIED, SHE SAID THAT SHE THOUGHT MY MOMS CAT WAS EATING THE PLANTS, so i think that my aunt was trying to poison my moms cat, but poisoned mine instead, i'm risking a lot releasing this to the public, my families safety, MY SAFETY, and i pray to god that my aunt doesn't see this post, i will stay up till dawn to figure out the truth | 1 |
Anyone knows how to numb pain? | Feeling bad, I dont want to feel my emotions anymore. How do I numb them? | 1 |
Sister Moving | My (37f) sister (30f) is leaving to start her life in another state. I'm so excited for her and happy she feels secure enough in herself to move somewhere that she has no family support to rely on. Our mother sucks (long story) and her father has passed. It really has been just the two of us helping each other for the last 13+ yrs. Now she won't be an hour or less drive away, she'll be a 4 hour flight. I live in Austin and she lives in San Antonio. She will be moving to Baltimore. I'm excited for her, but mentally devastated. She is my best friend, I visit her at least once but usually twice a month. I can't stop randomly crying, I have a full time job but it is not occupy my mind enough that I can't ruminate on it all day. I was already in a bit of a depressed state when I found out and I see myself falling further into the sleeping all day and crying when awake mode.
I get the whole "make friends/get a life" but there is no one who would ever be the same kind of friend she is. No one know knows our personal and shared trauma the same kind of way. I am also Autistic, with ADHD, depressor and social anxiety. I don't make friends easily, nor has it ever been an interest of mine. She leaves in 11 days and I'm not sure what I'll do once she's gone.
I do have hobby's but none that can compare with the void that will be left.
Thanks for the space to vent. Redditt lurker maybe 2nd time poster. | 1 |
Hate Birthdays | I just hate birthdays, I feel birthday is the most painful day of the year. It's like I cry 22 hours out of 24 hours of the day due to enhanced sadness. I wish broken heart can heal. | 0 |
How to deal with loneliness and wanting love |
I am a 17 year old boy going to college next year, who recently had a glow up and started to attract some girls finally. Although I can attract girls, it never seems like I can get as far to where they become my girlfriend, and that hurts. I feel like my friends are out getting girlfriends, and hooking up with girls but I feel like I’m missing out because those things aren’t really happening for me that fast. How can I deal with this? | 5 |
Already by talking to her I fucked up. And now I have just bare depression. | I couldn't even talk to her properly. She didn't really give me her number. I asked her out. Proably too early. It was fun to talk to her. I like her very much. But maybe it is just my mind playing tricks on me. She doesn't seem to have any interest in me. But then wyh did she text with me? Maybe just being polite. I miss her. I am not sure if i will text her again since she didn't want to go out with me. Probably better to leave her alone. It is not devastating me like immediately. But I feel that it is slowly making destroying me. I am very lonely. Most days I just sit at home trying to study for exams. Which I am not sure if I will pass them. I am such a fuck up and a loser. | 0 |
How can I kms without breaking my parents hearts? | I want to end it without breaking my parents hearts. How do I do that? | 3 |
Death of my family member.. | Few weeks after I came to my home Country (Ukraine), I had been feeling really weird about my grandpa. In the morning when I woke up, I saw 2 medics standing and asking my grandpa questions, while he was in bed. My parents told me to pack my stuff and get into the car to go back to the city. As soon as I and my brother got back home, my mom told me to go to my friends house (etc: my brothers brother). When I got to my friends house I really forgot about my grandpa being sick, but when my parents came to pick me and my brother up, I remember about my grandpa… When I came home I saw my2 uncles, and 2 grandmas wearing a black shirts, I got confused but went into my room to change and get onto a meeting. While I was changing my mom came in and told me that my grandpa needed to go.. I cried and so did my mom.. | 2 |
my life is just broken | It started wenn I was 3 and went to kindergarden. There i got bullied by my "Friends" and I always where there for them, but as expected i just was used and to become used to it is just normal for me. Then in elementary school the same damn Shit happend to me. Then whenn I turned 6 my Uncel, wich my Mom took care of and helped us pay the taxes and stuff like that, died. Then his son came with a Lawyer, told maý Mom that she is the Resson of my Uncels death. After the Whole bullshit happend we where kicked out of our Apartment and where Homeless for 3 years. Then we moved to my Grandmother. From there on the bullieng just got worse. They cut opened my Shirt and Bra and when I tried to stand up for myself It wuold never get better just worse. Wehn I came To my Middle school bullying got a bit better , but it still was a thing. My sister wanted to protect me from beeing hurt and told me to never trust anybody so I did, because I didn't know better how it fells to have Friends. imgine Beeing a kid that never mets other besides ohn accidents. People look at me and think damn she is weird or what is wrong with that kid. In High school the bullying stopped and made great friends I wanted to make my Mom proud. She was The Strongest woman I ever had seen in my frickin life but i was wrong. My mother died due sickness and she wouldn't be able to see me finish high school or get a job. Problems are i am just a 15 year old stundent who is going to be a orphan and having just a sad and depressed life and this is going to be like that forever. Since then i just show my cold side who is alx´ways aggresiv an shit.
If you fell sad just talk to your lover, Friends, Famlie or even yourself. Scream at the wall , in your pillow or anything else just make sure to never make anything stupid | 0 |
Feeling empty inside again | For a while now, I've been experiencing a lack of energy, motivation, self-hatred, and frustration over my inability to do anything. However, recently things got better when I went to a convention with my friend over the weekend. I had a great time there. But now that the convention is over, the emptiness and negative thoughts have returned, and I'm tired of it all, I don't want to exist... | 1 |
I’m gonna die alone. | The realization just hit me. | 1 |
Why Can't I Get Over This One Thing. | In school I was known as the artistic kid. I used to always bring my art to school and sometimes work on it. It made me really uncomfortable to have other people watch me sketch out my art, (I also had some social anxiety). One day I was drawing like I normally do when the school bully comes up and says it looks like trash. It was a big project I was working on that I was two days into. He then proceeded spread rumors about me. One day in art class I left my project on my desk and went to sharpen my pencil and I look back and I see the entire class looking at the bully as he ripped up my art. I cried silently to myself the entire day. When I came back to school the next day, people started avoiding me. No one talked to me, so I didn't really talk to anyone. I heard people spreading rumors about me that I was depressed. I eventually became silent for an entire quarter of a year. Then I heard my crush was the one spreading rumors. It's now a year later. everyday feels the same. I cannot forget when my entire class did not care that someone destroyed something really important to me.
​
edit: all my friends just left me. now I have nothing. my life Is so bitter. | 1 |
Over-drafting | Over-drafting my bank account just to eat. I’m sick of living like this! | 2 |
I dont know why im broken | Im just so lazy it unreal, I just cant to anything I never clean, havent done laudry in months, my apartments trash I look so ugly the psorsis and acne have broken out, I have almost know friends, I just have no will to do anything change anything about me, I can care enough to do the bare minimum school, work, etc but I just never seem to be able to take care of myself, my entire family think im a pathetic slob, and well I am, im just a nasty nasty rat of a man and I just cant do anything about it. | 2 |
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