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Everything reminds me of my old best friend | Each time I see opposite sex bffs I get extremely sad. It all reminds me of my old best friend and about what we could've had. I am sure it could be the perfect friendship. But everything went wrong and we both ended up being better off without this friendship, because of trauma bonding and what not. I really regret this and doubt I will ever find another person like him. Miss u | 2 |
I'm in need of something I don't even know | I feel this emptyness in myself but don't know how to fill it. İt's not from a thing I did and burden of it or something I been dreaming of doing i cannot explain in sentences. i feel this sadness but I like it someway. i like to feel sadness, fear, anger etc. Almost all my life i lived a life without feelings or love i was stone cold but last year something teach me to feel like never happened before and i can't understand why maybe something I don't know but I don't get it I can bare anything I mean Anything but this I can't even think straight I thought maybe "I need a person in my life" but no I am not lonely I know dozens of people to talk about this but no body understand me and I wanted to write here maybe somebody can understand it's my first time but I'm in brink of madness I have pledged my life to my family, friends and people and I want to be my best but I can't I'm not going to hide behind some excuses about this I take care of my problems single handedly but not this time. | 1 |
She cheated on me. | Uhm so me and her have been dating for about 2 months. And I know that not a long time but just idek I’m just lost tbh idk what to do she sent me a paragraph basically saying that she started talking to another guy and she doesn’t think me and her will work out. Idk if that makes sense to anyone else but it just makes me enraged to think that her she will probably do the same to the dude and I feel bad. I just loved her so much and I tried so hard ngl. We already dated before that and she had broken up with me but I still trusted her this time and I feel so so so stupid like how could I trust her. I’m not too sad about it anymore. I’ve cried my tears and I don’t have anymore to cry. I just need someone to talk to me. I’m lonely she was the only friend I had man. She was my favorite. And she just ig didn’t care about me or loved me back. She said she never stopped loving the first time we broke up… that she missed me every day and just dated to try and see if it was just for no reason and she said she couldn’t get over me. Look how that turned out right😄 | 4 |
my life was horrible | At the age of 14 i was so lonely and i just wanted friends so bad i would stay home every day in the summer while everyone was outside having fun. i would hug pillows and piles of clothes to just have the feeling of being hugged by someone but i just desperately wanted that arm around me and someone telling me that everything would be alright. | 10 |
We weren’t dating but it still hurts | I miss him, we weren’t dating but we were talking for 2 months. I told him everything about my life, he just moved out of state a little after we started talking. We talked about us meeting up, or life together in the future, meeting each others family, Christmas planning and that he didn’t want to ask me to be his girlfriend over the phone so I would have to wait until we meet up. We would send goodnight and good morning message, saying that we missed each other etc. I was falling, hard and fast. This morning I woke up before him I was going to text him good morning but I didn’t want to bother him, I feel back asleep for another hour, check he was still sleeping. I got ready and was all set for the day I was gonna text him “good morning love how did you sleep” and when I open Snapchat and saw the X next to his name it felt like my heart broke into a million pieces, I texted him, it didn’t go through, i look at social media platforms and they all said block or person couldn’t be found. I was broken still am. I thought I found the person I was gonna spend the feast of my life with and just like that he was gone. I spent all day in my room, crying wishing and hoping it was a dream but it wasn’t. He blocked me, left me without any explanation. And it hurts, it really fucking hurts. Moral of the story just because someone says they like you doesn’t mean they actually like you. | 6 |
I feel alone | I think i have friends but they dont treat me like they do eachother i feel like they are laughing at me instead of with me, iv always been very paranoid of if people think im annoying and dont like me, i hope i can have real friends | 5 |
I can't take it anymore | I was sick for 3 years and my life fell apart. I faced setback after setback. Medication and sickness ruined my body and my head. At a certain point I forgot what I was fighting for and what I was trying so hard for but I kept fighting, alone and hard. It felt like I was taking on the world while everyone called me lazy and didn't understand how I felt. The medication I took made me progressively suicidal and depressed and now that's a feeling that just sticks with me. When things started to get better because I pushed myself so hard I finally felt a bit happy and I even met this girl that was absolutely perfect. I know that sounds cliche but I seriously can't tell you how perfect she is. I don't normally fall for anyone but she saw right through me, we finished each others sentences and she looked so into me since she kept holding my hands and hugging me. She was scarely similar to me and our backgrounds were also very similar. We spoke all night and never got bored. And I felt as happy as I used to. I felt like I'd finally made it and all my setbacks were just so I could get this bit of luck since all I've ever wanted was someone who would make me feel a little less lonely. I felt like I found the other half of me.
But for some reason she started talking to me less and I just wanted to rip the bandaid off and asked if she still wanted to get to know each other. We were so honest prior to this and she just blocked me without even telling me she wasn't interested. I get it. After I got sick I'm not as good looking as I used to be and I know it'll get better if I "WORK HARDER" but I can't anymore. I just lose and lose and lose. Over 3 years just me working hard with no end in sight. I'm doing a course I don't enjoy, my Mom doesn't understand me, my roomate is a ghost who doesn't do anything, and I just lost the perfect girl. I seriously can't anymore. I think I give up. I've always tried to man up but last night I couldn't. I cried for ages and I just fell apart. That last blow was too hard. I don't know how much fight I have left in me since I lost the only thing I've ever wanted. Everyone thinks I'm strong now and that I can handle everything but I'm just always one hit away from cracking. Even if she just told me that maybe I wasn't handsome enough or something. She told me all these things when we were together and I don't know why.
At this point my life's a joke. Nothing good happens and anything that I get is pryed from my hands. I have a mountain of work ahead of me and honestly I don't care anymore. If there is a god out there he wins. | 2 |
I miss everything | I miss my younger self. I miss that part of my self where i had fun and no worries but, that all changes with the pandemic since we were all isolated its hard to interact with people. Its just that i miss the things we did with my family, making memories, no care in the world. But now its gone, temporary happiness is just what keeps me from being sad and remembering the good times. I hang out with my cousin all day but, we are now seperated as our family had some drama. So i am just put in this cycle of life just getting up in the morning, eat, shower, play some games, and get bored. Me and my family had some vacations and etc. But inside that was temporary happiness. Sorry if my grammar isn't that good as its not my first language. | 6 |
My Grandma is Dying and There is Nothing I Can do | The title says it all for the most part, but I feel I have to get this out of my system somewhere and cannot talk about it with my own family. The subject is too hard for them and we all are trying not to face it.
My grandma was diagnosed with stage four cancer a year and a half ago(I prefer not to specify which cancer). She has made it much longer than expected however, which I know I am blessed for that. Things have just been so hard lately. My grandma was someone I always trusted in life.. I have always been so close to her, she was the first person I felt comfortable enough to come out to(before my parents even). She has always been there for me. She is strong, caring, and so kind. Even now in her weakest moments so far, she worries about being a burden and not much company when I, or anyone goes to visit her. I’ve always been able to talk to her about everything, and she’s raised me to be true to myself and independent. I love her more than I can express with words, she is truly an amazing person. When first hearing her diagnosis it was hard, she has always been so healthy. She would exercise and take better care of herself better than I or most of my family did. She would get up at 5:30 in the morning to go for a run at 6:00 every morning without fail. When the diagnosis came my grandpa had just retired, they were planing trips and outings to enjoy their retirement together. These were trips they had dreamed of taking all their lives. Now my grandma can’t even get herself up and down the stairs. The strong active woman I knew is fading away. Every time I see her she gets worse, and every time she cries. All I can do is hold her hand and talk to her while we remember the past. Every time I want to cry, but I stay strong for her, even thought she has no more hope. She’s told me she doesn’t want to die yet.. but at the same time her life is miserable, and she doesn’t want to survive any more, she wants to LIVE. Before we dreamed she would see me graduate college, see my first career, children. Now we dream about making it to our next weekly visit. I don’t even know if she will make it to see me turn 20. I have to watch the person I love fall apart slowly, and I physically feel a pain in my heart every time.. she’s scared of dying, of being forgotten after… and all I can do is hold her hand and tell her it will be okay… when we both know it won’t be… All my family can do is watch, knowing she won’t make it much longer.. everyone knows, we all know.. we just don’t talk about it.. because we all can’t imagine a world without her in it.. I’m not ready to lose my Grammy… | 5 |
From the day I was born | You ever wake up and feel that life has tumbled rocks onto you every day? I feel like every breath I’ve ever caught was the calming gasp of air before another wave crashes over me- plummeting me back into dark heavy waters. Everyday I wake up to tired to even react to anything. I just set atop the world and watch life pass me by. It gets happy and sad and that little in between. Yet to me it’s just another day. It’s like I can see everyday all at once and it’s not surprising to see one day happy and another sad bc variety in a whole year is normal in comparison to variety in a week. I can’t remember my breakfast or my dinner. I’m sure I had at but does it matter what it was if I know at the end of the week that I ate? It feels sad to sit and look back and see how unresponsive I am to all those events. Yet if I did react- I’d be in an even worse place then right now. From the day I was born to the day I d!e The only thing I fear is not being even a little bit afraid of missing the last day of the week where i look back and know I ate… at least something. | 3 |
WHY THE FUCK THEY DON'T TALK TO ME | I have been in the US for a year and a half and now I'm moving back to my birthplace but all my friends or at least people that to though were my friends don't even say anything when I send them a messenge. I recently tried to tell that I was going back to my auto denominated "BEST FRIEND" and he doesn't saw the message until fucking 3 days later to only fucking say "heyo,pretty cool". I know that making such a great deal of some one year relationships isn't something mature but as someone that all his life didn't have people to hang out with this makes me sad, mad but more than anything angry. Next school year I'm gonna to go back to the same school we're those fuckers are and I'm anxious to the state where I have nauseas. Should I stop talking to them (trying)? | 2 |
Unhappy | I don't know why I even post this. I guess I just want to share it publicly for some reason, but don't want to bother people either. I think I just want to rant.. I'm not looking for people to chat with or have people waste their time on me. It's just.. I want to rant.
Life has become depressing to me. There is no joy anymore. I thought I did ok in my relationship, but I only make mistakes and cause issues. My father passed away in Feb 2021, which is still hurting too. I'm just glad he's no longer suffering.
I wish to die many days. Always hoping for an accident. Suicide is not something I'll ever do.
Games kinda tend to make me happy, although it's for brief periods of time or sometimes they don't cheer me up at all because everything in life is too miserable..
I also feel like an asshole for even feeling this way, since there are people that are in way worse scenarios than me.
Unhappy and miserable... To anyone feeling the same, I hope things will get better for you soon. They won't on my end. | 5 |
I’m Pathetic | I’m so starved for any positive connection, I’ve been talking to three different accounts of the same IG model. I know they’re scammers and catfishing. Beats facing reality | 15 |
I don’t want to die but | I went to medical school because I wanted to help others, have a positive impact on this world but I can’t even help myself.
I missed out on my teenagehood due to sexual trauma, rape, grooming, SA and acting out because I felt so alone.
When I came to university I thought it would be a chance for a fresh start, I was hopeful, I was raped again. I was SA’ed again and I felt even more lonely and isolated than before.
I’m now 20 and even the small things to do with adulting make me feel so overwhelmed and no one understands me, no one listens. I don’t think I’ll be able to make it through, I don’t know if mentally I am strong enough to continue. I have held onto the final thread of hope I have for a while now but it’s fraying and I am scared. I don’t want to die, but I am so so sad and so anxious I feel like there isn’t another way out. I am tired of suffering. I am tired of no one understanding, no one listening. | 5 |
Coming to terms with depression | I (22M) only really admitted I had depression a couple of weeks ago when my dad suggested I might have it. I was so relieved that I didn't have to say it. Deep down I knew.
Looking back I've always been a sad person. Every day I remember a new period of my life where I was sad and turns out I've rarely ever been content.
Often when I was 12-13 I'd come home from school, sit in the tiny space on my bedroom floor and just stare at the wall/listen to music in silence.
I remember a period of about 6 months at a similar time where I was really sad because my sister got into a habit of making fun of me for little things and it got to me. I broke down in front of her one night and she was devastated. She's the kindest person I knew and know and she never meant to hurt me.
As a teenager I earned a reputation for being 'moody'. I'd always complain that I was 'bored' but the truth is 'bored' was a replacement for 'sad' because I didn't have the guts to say how I really felt.
I hated school so much. I was clever but wanted to be anywhere else for 90% of my lessons.
I'm genuinely addicted to my phone because I used to go on it every time I got sad.
One time, when I was 14/15, I was walking to the park to play football with my friends. Whilst I was walking, it hit me that I felt content for the first time since I can remember. This was notable because I'd never considered myself a depressed person before, maybe just stressed. (I have crippling anxiety, but, again, I didn't know that then). It ended up being one of the worst days of my life.
Some little cunts from the year below at school nicked my ball and kicked it into the trees. Me and my friends confronted them (even though we were scared) and they bottled it and got their big brother on us. Nothing really happened but the event traumatised me for some reason. I was so scared of confrontation. This kid who kicked the ball over was a bully but a huge pussy and I could see that. The next couple of weeks he got the bus as normal and kissed my ass a little bit, but eventually noticed that I was intimidated by him as much as he was by me. He then got confident and mugged me off about the event in school a couple of times. I was then so scared about bumping into him and being made fun of, that I'd plan my entire day around avoiding him and his friends. I'd break it up into three stages: 'bus to school', 'Astro turf at lunch', and 'bus home from school'. I genuinely spent the rest of that year and year 11 thinking of him and his mates constantly. It was a defence mechanism. I didn't enjoy one second of my life but all I cared about was avoiding him. He probably didn't think about me at all. This was the worst and most bizarre period of my life. As you would've gathered by now, he lived near me, so I didn't even want to leave my house in fear of seeing him, I was scared of him turning up at my house, I was even scared of seeing him on holiday. Honestly, I'd be nervous about going on holiday in case he was there. Bonkers.
What didn't help is that during this time, my greatest confidant (dad) was even more sad than me because his mum passed away.
Year 11 ended and summer arrived. Was meant to be the best summer of my life. It was the worst summer of my life. My best friend had basically abandoned me for his gf (long story for another time) and no one really wanted to hang out with me. I was so so 'bored' again (lol) for like 12 weeks straight. I felt pathetic.
During sixth form I would wake up and the very first thing I would think of was what problems I had to deal with that day. Often, they would carry over day-by-day (someone picking on me, nervous for an upcoming event etc.).
For added context I literally got 0 girls up until 2022. The idea of me chatting to a girl was laughable to everyone including me. Sounds sad but it was so true that I'd completely accepted it, didn't even feel bad about it. I mention it because it might have played into my fear of being unwanted.
The start of 2022 was fantastic time for me (landing dream job, suddenly good with women, great holidays and nights out etc.) until September when I got my heart broken by a girl I'm literally on holiday with rn. We're family friends and sharing a villa just like we did last year where we fell for each other. She's had a new bf since only a few weeks after we ended things in September and honestly it's so hard being around her atm.
I got made redundant in March and since then I've slowly become more and more depressed to one of my lowest points yet. I don't enjoy anything anymore and I feel so stuck. Like nothing is ever gonna make me better.
There's a huge amount of context and extra examples I could give that might help but this vent is long enough honestly. I'm such a complicated and damaged person.
The point is, whatever reason I have, the only constant is that I'm always sad. I think that's depression, no? | 5 |
Im done | I poured my heart out in my last post on a mental health support sub and wanted to genuinely rant, i got a downvote for that as well. It seems like i dont belong on reddit either, im tired of my genuine rants getting downvoted. I have no support in real life, reddit was the only thing i was counting on but even here, ill get downvotes here too meanwhile ive seen others make similar posts on the same sub, they dont get downvotes but my post which i wanted talk about something genuine which is affecting my mental health. It seems i dont belong on reddit either. Even on a mental health support sub, ill get [downvote.](https://downvote.Im) Im done now, i have no support no thing, my whole life is a joke anyways. i should just go kill myself. I have no one to talk to and understand me, i just wish i was dead. | 4 |
A sad quote I made up that maybe you’ll relate to. | FEELING like a bad person is the worst feeling in the world. I want to FEEL like a better person, but I don’t know where i’d start to fix something i’m not entirely sure is broken. | 1 |
I think I've developed a genuine phobia of being alone | I noticed that when I'm not calling my one irl friend or hanging out with my one irl friend, I feel genuinely stressed out and extremely anxious. I feel the adrenaline pumping through me because whenever I'm alone, I know there's nothing standing in the way of my depression and me. I feel like my depression grapples hold of me when I'm alone especially. I oftentimes ask my one irl friend if I can come over or hang out or call or do anything just so I don't feel alone.
But when she's not there or doesn't want to hang out I'm quite literally just frantically calling anyone or texting anyone to see if I can talk to someone. I've never experienced this feeling before where I'm petrified of loneliness. I guess because I know I am truly depressed and the only way to feel better is by surrounding myself with people, no matter who it is. But when they're gone, I feel my depression how it truly is. It's horrifying. I feel like I'm about to have a panic attack whenever I'm alone | 2 |
She ghosted me | I met a girl recently and we had been talking non stop, I wasn't sure how I felt about her but I was starting to really like her as a friend. Two weeks ago she said she was going camping for a week as well as asking me "what do you think we are" (over text) I responded with something along the lines of "I really enjoy talking to you, I think we are friends but that's not to say I wouldn't be open to something else" I didn't know if that was the right thing to say. Conversations before then had sometimes been some what flirty but I didn't know if I liked her like that. She still hasn't responded and I don't see her in real life almost ever. I miss her because she was so compassionate and really made me happy. | 5 |
My cat died | My cat Max died this morning, all we found was his back leg and tail, I'm just really sad right now and I just need someone to talk to. | 4 |
Struggling with self worth after being broken up with for being emotionally abusive. | Hello all. It’s been about a month since my girlfriend of 8 years has broken up with me for being emotionally abusive. I’ve been going through therapy for about 3 weeks now and have been trying to find the root of my issues. A lot of it stems from my childhood from being emotionally neglected, my argumentative and stressful environment, and being emotionally abused and invalidated myself. Though I still am responsible for the way I acted/reacted. It was a choice not a loss of control. I’m aware of this and the pain I’ve caused.
I’ve been struggling with my self worth because I know I’m responsible for hurting someone I loved and it has completely diminished my self worth due to the guilt and remorse for my actions. I’ve been told to forgive myself and move on from others and my therapist. But, my fear of abandonment won’t let me step forward and my self demeaning thoughts continue to feed my inadequacy complex.
I just want my love back. But I’m afraid it’s too late to be vulnerable and honest with her after all of the lies, manipulation, and emotionally charged outbursts. It’s become extremely hard because I dread the day that she comes to get her things out of our apartment and our anniversary is coming up. I had planned on proposing to her the following year. But it failed due to my own negligence of taking responsibility for my own trauma and actions.
It’s taken it’s toll on me mentally and physically. I rarely eat, I rarely sleep and when I do I have vivid nightmares of the arguments my spouse and I had. I’ve considered taking my own life due to the torment. I’m deeply sad that I’ve hurt someone I actually loved and finally realized their pain. I began to work on myself all because I wanted to be free of my past that’s held me prisoner for the longest and my actions that I’m responsible for. I want change, it feels as if the more I step forward the longer the road gets.
For clarity when I was a teenager I lost my grandmother due to a heart condition and lost my girlfriend of 5 years on the same day. I tried to reach out to my ex at the time for comfort since I didn’t have anyone to talk to because my mother at the time had to take care of my grandfather, my brother that has autism and deal with the loss herself. I was made fun of by my ex, called a stalker, and it eventually led to a restraining order that was later dropped. I’ve been traumatized since and didn’t know how it effected me until I started therapy.
Has anyone ever struggled with these emotions or similar issue? Just looking for more insight and opinions help to understand. | 1 |
I fell for her again… | I (M17) first developed feelings for her 2 years ago (15 back then), and actually got her to go on a date with me, but it turned out she was just too shy or insecure or whatever to honestly reject me. Oh and it didn’t help that she’s my best friends younger sister… (he was fine with it luckily, still awkward) Well, I got over it after not seeing her for a couple weeks and it all kinda went back to normal.
Now, after being at their place recently, it suddenly all came back. And since I’m very sure she doesn’t like me that way (it might even be that she’s not into men at all), it just fucking hurts. The worst thing is that my feelings for her go WAY beyond just physical attraction: While I do think she’s cute, I just… like her, totally apart from looks. I just really fucking like her. A LOT. So knowing that I will very likely never have a chance at being in a relationship with her… it just really hurts. | 3 |
I want to cry, but not alone or infront of loved ones | What do I do? | 7 |
Karma hit me hard | So, 5 years ago I became friends with a group of people (3guys+4girls me included), I started to like one of the guys, let’s call him Joe, what I didn’t know is that the other 2 guys also felt something for me. Joe after a while also admitted to have feelings for me. That’s when all went down. We started to see each other but not telling anyone in the beginning, eventually we told the girls, one of the guys that liked me started liking Joe. Joe told him he was with me. Drama, all drama. The only one that didn’t know was the last guy, let’s call him James. James liked me a lot, I told him it would never happen however that didn’t stop him. Joe had a falling out with one of the girls and here we go with the drama again. I came to find out that Joe was actually dating someone until the day he started dating me (he broke up with her to be with me basically), it was Joe telling me this but it was the girl that forced him in to do it. Some more drama in between but I was really happy with Joe however things would change fast. The girls and the boy that liked both of us did an intervention to James and told him everything. This broke us, me and Joe trusted them and we were almost making it official, we were gonna let everyone know and we were going to speak with James but they took that from us. Joe was really bad, and then, he broke up with me. All of the drama that happened was to much and he stopped his feelings. Fast forward to now him and I still great friends and I still madly in love with Joe was told by him yesterday that he is starting to see someone, that he really liked this person. I’m devastated, I really thought that someday we would be able to be together, maybe I should have told him sooner how I felt. I told him yesterday, I said I couldn’t be with him like we were until now, I can’t see him with someone else especially being someone I know and have to see her weekly. I’m broken I’m completely aware that this pain isn’t forever but I keep questioning myself. What is missing in me? Is this karma? What did I do so wrong? I love him so much and I just want him to be happy but I don’t have anyone to talk about this. I can’t burden him with how I’m feeling when he’s moving on and at the same time I wish I could just stop him from doing so. I feel terrible for feeling like this and I feel terrible for not being me by his side. Could someone, please, give some advice I really need it, I can’t keep much longer like this? | 1 |
Tomorrow | I have an important exam that'll decide if i pass the year.
If I ever am incapable of getting 60% and the school system makes me retake the year, I'm fucking killing myself because the pressure would be too much. I'll hangi myself out of the window if sleeping pills and alcohol don't do the trick. I won't call a suicidal prevention line cause that's fucking pointless it won't change the fact that I'd be fucking stupid.
Now I'll go study because I'd be happy passing this year without the shame and embarrassment of failing. Literal skill issue | 2 |
i'm at a low point, but it doesn't feel very low. | The future is scary, and i’m not ready to jump in the deep end yet. I feel unmotivated throughout my days, I just feel like life is on repeat and nothing will stop it from ending. I look around at all these people that are happy and wonder, why am I not happy? All my relationships always end up with sadness. I feel unhappy, but when I do, I end up comparing my sadness to others. Is what i’m feeling valid? don’t know. Every hobby I have seems unimportant. There’s always someone who is better at something than me. I wanna learn new things, but the thought of the long, grueling process is what is holding me back. I wanna be a better me but don’t know where to start. Whenever I think of happiness I see the face of my younger self, someone who didn’t worry about the impending agony that is life itself. Although back then I also didn’t think highly of myself, so then, will i ever reach happiness? Is it better if I curl up in a ball until the noises around me stop? Do I have a chance at living a happy life? Maybe. Most likely no. | 6 |
my brother wants me to off myself. | He told me that last night. He's back to his physical and verbal abuse again. I don't know what to do and I can hardly handle this. I don't know how much longer I can keep going. | 1 |
Sad I’ve been alone for so long. So tired of being alone with no one to love or be loved by. | I’m 28 M , I’ve had a rough last 6 years having to have multiple back surgeries. I never had good luck with girlfriends in high school mainly because of a lack of self confidence and I was overweight. Since having had my surgeries and now recovering and getting pretty much back to normal, I’ve managed to loose a lot of weight.
I used to weigh 360lbs and to this date I weigh 215lbs. I’m afraid to lift weights because I don’t want to hurt my back but I do go on long hikes and even will wear a 20lb weighted vest on the hike. This seems to be the only exercise I can do that doesn’t cause or also has little risk of causing more back pain.
I’m healthy and work a good job, but I’m so love sick. I wish so badly I could just meet women to get to know each other. Because of my surgeries and meds I’ve take I don’t drink and honestly don’t like to go out to drink so I’d like to meet a women somewhere besides a bar.
It’s rough watching all my high school friends get married and have kids. While I just go to work and come home and have no one other than immediate family that I’m very thankful for but not have close love and affection is starting to really bother me more than It used too. I don’t want to die alone, I really want to love and be loved.
Why’s it so hard these days to find and meet other women without having to go to the bar or church?
Idk guess I’m just venting the reason I’m depressed isn’t unique and there’s many others in the same position. It’s just hard when I’ve always had this “embrace the suck” mindset of everything in life. Yet there’s nothing positive to embrace about how bad this sucks being alone for so long with no hope in sight of finding a partner. | 7 |
feeling sad and alone | I should be happy, I just got married, I’m fairly set up in life. but my husband just can’t seem to handle when I’m sad. there’s no room to express big emotions and I’m always treated like a massive inconvenience whenever I’m struggling. it always devolves into a fight when all I’ve asked for is some kindness and maybe a suggestion of a thing to do together so I can stop being sad, and I get yelled at about how difficult it is that I’m crying around them. I just feel so alone, Ive been going through some mysterious health issues and I’m so afraid to talk about things. | 5 |
Quitting smoking ruined my life | I quit smoking in march. Im only 18 and I was only doing it for a year but ever since I have gained anxiety. I had my first panic attack and convinced and came to terms with my death then and there, I fell in love and figured out how to love everyone around me. Through all this I can’t stop thinking about my death and the day I die. It is slowly picking me a part. I lost my job and struggle to get out of bed every day. I value my life and I have so much fear about people I love leaving me or me leaving them before my time. I am scared that I will have a heart attack. the symptoms are so real that I cant believe that there is nothing wrong with me. who knows there might be. I have panic attacks every day since when i quit smoking and this thought ruins every moment I have. Can someone help me make it stop. | 1 |
She's with someone else | Almost nothing after a year of relationship, and another 4 years of getting to know each other, she just behaves very quiet with me, and that's when the silence is broken, there is someone else. I think is over. | 3 |
My brother got diagnosed by a uncurable genetic disease | I am still stunned and can't believe that my brother who is 5 years younger than me got diagnosed... He is just 16 .. as an elder brother, i don't know who to explain what am I feeling... I just want to spend the best remaining time with him and give all my love to him ... 😭 | 15 |
meltdown |
I do not intend to harm myself,
as I look at the much broader picture and see that the governments are in collusion with big businesses to poison us for profit from our pains and illnesses, and to keep the little man down never knowing true freedom,
the people who are growing our food are poisoning it and our water supply.
the world is literally on fire right now and no one seems to care, really only paying attention to some billion who died in a submarine.
wars rage on all over the world to fund the pockets of greedy military interests, all while using YOUR money to fund the creation and detonation of bombs in areas of the world that you'll never get to visit with people you'd probably get along with.
the rich are making life for the people at the bottom miserable!
I watch daily as the moral structure of society crumbles.
and what should I do about it? I have no idea because the school system I was put through taught me nothing about how the world works so I'm forced to work a 9-5.
(and before you say oh well pick yourself up by the bootstraps and get working)
I DON'T WANT TO! I just want to work 40 hours a week go home and hang out with my friends and family, and play with my dog, but I can't even do that because I get paid such a shit wage that I have to work overtime. rent is through the roof for places that are run down inflation is causing the collapse of the US $, so even if I save to get out of here in a few years it will mean nothing
I do not want to work 100-hour work weeks to make it in this world im tired, I shouldn't have to! I should be able to enjoy my life and I can't because people like me do not have a voice or are too scared to speak up for themselves. I do not want to participate in this hellscape yet im forced to do so? you are not legally allowed to go get euthanized they will not let you. if you don't work you'll just have to live on the street? wtf is this world I was put into i don't want to do this dude. ill never be able to own property, social security isn't gonna be a thing when I get old and I can barely eat let alone save money for when I'm 60?!?!?! what happens then i just get put into a nursing home to die alone and cold after my 69th game of bingo?! oh that sounds like a nice future to wait for. either burn this shit down or keep it rolling but whatever is happening right now is stunting our species and I for one dont want to partake in it
we live on a garden yet nobody grows food for thy neighbor. imagine that john lenon | 1 |
I'm so stupid and can't do anything right | I'm so stupid and can't do anything right. I can't drive, I can live alone, I can't COOK. I just tried frying perogies that were frozen and then my mom told me I needed to add more oil or boil them first. I hate having to depend on mom for everything. She thinks the worst of me. :( I lack common sense . Im incapable of so many things . I hate having a mom that thinks I'll never mount up to anything. She's the one that placed labels on me. I'm so tired of doing everything wrong.
If anyone can relate in the slightest way possible please comment, or if you can encourage me that would be greatly appreciated. | 8 |
Poesía nocturna | El vacío que dejaste en mi corazón es aún más grande que el vacío que llenaste cuando me enamore de ti :( | 1 |
To anyone reading this | I Doubt anyone reading this. I don't know anymore the world is slowly falling apart around me I feel so alone and am seriously considering to start self harming I feel so alone in life am terrified to go to college this fall because am educable mentally retarded the program am doing am not even a official student am terrified what people will think or do the only friend I have now thanks to covid called me retarded and its some how my fault and refused to address the issues or why it took a week to get an answer and I feel like she on the verge of ghosting me she might even said we were never friends am having very serious doubts about doing the promise we have planned the world is crumbling around me I feel so alone I need someone to take to I just want to cry I think it might be better it I was to die or aborted am so alone and just screaming for some to notice | 2 |
it never rains | every time it’s supposed to rain i check the weather and the weather just keeps changing with the rain going away and the sun just keeps shining.
i love rainy weather. it’s the only time it’s quiet, the sun is shining in my windows every day making it hot, the heat has bad smells, everyone is making more noise. when it rains everything turns silent and no one is outside and people wind down.
i really hate dealing with the constant noise and heat from the sun beating all day. it seems like it never rains anymore we get an hour of rain at night once a month and in the winter it just snows. | 3 |
Ready to go | I don’t see any other way out or meaning in my life. I’m 28 years old, still at home, and I’m $220,000 in debt. I can only afford to eat hot pockets and pop tarts and even that is pushing it. I have a full career, a teacher at a public school, but I don’t make enough to keep up with my debt and I honestly just end up putting a good portion of my paycheck back into my classroom because of the low budget the school gives me to work with. I’m single, have no kids, and honestly I will always be this way. I think I’m attractive, and I’m very smart, but to men I’m just a body. I have nothing to live for and life is only getting worse. Now I know, I got myself in this situation and I can admit that I did, but life happens man. Most of this debt is from law school. I was in law school but because we have to get our own insurance at 26, I got a teaching certificate in the middle of law school and became a teacher in the middle of law school. As my new responsibilities set in, I found myself giving less and less to las school. Then COVID hit, and I actually had COVID in the early stages. I honestly thought I was going to die, I had it pretty bad. But I didn’t die. Then my close friend died. Work and school were exhausting. I was able to pass some law school classes with flying colors and others I struggled in. I ended up withdrawing from law school because I was spreading myself way too thin. So now I just teach. I like my job. I like being able to help the kids and spread creativity. But I hate my colleagues. This year alone two grown ass women have yelled in my face in front of other people for no damn good reason. I would have to make an entirely different post just to explain these situations. Nonetheless, I go home and I stress about money, I got to work and dread interacting with my coworkers and then cry on my lunch break because I’m stressed about money. Then I splash water in my face and smile for the kids. It’s an exhausting and pathetic life to live. I guess I just wanted to explain my story before saying goodbye. I have nothing to live for. The world will go on without me and I’ve made peace with the fact that I will never find love or have a family of my own. If you made it this far, thanks for reading. My advice to you is to NEVER take out student loans and avoid credit card debt. Good luck in your own lives. | 3 |
After hearing your voice again.. | Called you up to talk about how we tie up the loose ends to get this over with and I thought I felt nothing for you, but hearing your voice proved otherwise..
I know we’re never going to be together again and I’ve made my peace with that..
I just have my moments that I still can’t believe this is real and the way your voice calmed my nervous system means you still mean something to me.. | 2 |
A kitten me and my sibling took home will never see its mom again | 3 days ago me and my siblings took home a sick kitten because a owl was going to eat and hes mother was across the street so we had the intent to bring him back after we took care of him and yesterday our neabours kides came over with there german shepferd and there other dog the other tryed to protect the kitten but the german shepferd already snaped its neck and it had to pass away hearing it was loved by my brother and im crying right now because i feel it was my fault because i was asked to watch it and i said we should put him in a carryer because they had dogs over and im scared of dogs and i was scared what would happen to the cat i looked away for 5 seconds to code and that happend | 0 |
When my night is ruined by so many moments of crying and feeling worse, you know it hasn't been the best day. Would need a boost to cheer me up. | 19F here. Hello, I guess.
Normally my nights and days go really well but when my final exams didn't go as planned and although I know I could take them again next year, I don't know if I will be allowed to continue here and this is breaking me. This university is literally my dream come true, the only course that's fitted perfectly for what I wanna become later and I cannot lose it...there's more but I'm currently in a tough place right now. I would love to have a boost of confidence to keep me going, either here in the comments or through messaging me privately.🥺 | 2 |
Felt like an alien growing up | This is super random but my entire childhood I felt like everyone else got a book on how to properly be a human and for some reason I didn’t. Is there a reason I felt this way or is this just normal? 😭😭 | 13 |
Idk ??? | I feel pathetic because I keep planning my suicide and I don’t go through with it I just want to go through with it | 2 |
The Wise by Countee Cullen | Dead men are wisest, for they know
How far the roots of flowers go,
How long a seed must rot to grow.
Dead men alone bear frost and rain
On throbless heart and heatless brain,
And feel no stir of joy or pain.
Dead men alone are satiate;
They sleep and dream and have no weight,
To curb their rest, of love or hate.
Strange, men should flee their company
Or think me strange who long to be
Wrapped in their cool immunity.
(This poem reflects how I feel today. 💔) | 2 |
It's okay, read this | Hey, it must feel like your reliving that moment everytime you think of it. All the sadness and pain comes back In a huge wave that crashes over you. But that's exactly all it was. A single, tiny moment in your giant life. That was then, this is now. You have people who care about you, weather you've found them or not. You have me, I have you. We have each other and if that's all we can rely on, then so be it. Let life come raging towards us and we'll walk right through with a smile on our faces. We'll carry on, because that's what we need to do. What you need to do, for me and you. Even if your not ready yet, I'll wait there for you. I crouch beside you, offer a hand, and help you back up no matter how many times it takes. So don't let yourself fall into that hole, I'll be there. I promise 🤗❤️ | 29 |
How can you give up on us? | To have my dad be by mine and my families side for my whole life and then decides one day to give it all up for another family, makes you wonder what you did wrong?
I am 27 years old and my dad recently left my mom, me, and sister and went to move in with his mistress and her kids (13 & 15yrs old). How can you just leave us and go start over?
My sister and I are both college graduates and I am in school to get another degree and he left. He has been given the option more than once to come back, he would just have to end things with her and cut her out and he won’t. How can you do that to your family?
I can’t wait to get a good career and live a enjoyable life, but going over this hump in my life is making that hard to imagine. I know I will get there eventually, but it is hard day to day.
I couldn’t imagine having a family for over 40 years and throwing it away and acting like none of it ever mattered. Seeing your own children begging you to change and you brush them off. I guess this was always him but I never saw it. | 1 |
Everything reminds me of her | I'm 15 f and when I was 13 my mother passed away in her sleep because of a stroke, I kinda hold guilt for it because if I noticed that my mother has been sleeping for a really long time and called my dad because of it she would have been able to go to the hospital and live to this day. When she first died I was feeling so lonely because it was during the covid pandemic and I didn't had any friends that I could meet to make my mind busy, my father was always busy at work while my older brother ( 7 & 1/2 years older) was busy with studies, so I was always on my own being on my phone , I didn't took even a bit care of myself like I wouldn't brush my hair or teeth for weeks or wash my face which caused me acne breakouts and hair loss, I never had the motivation to do all of that. It has been almost 3 years since she died and I remember her more and more everyday at first I used to only remember her once every other day but I get reminded of her every second nowadays I would be eating something and be like " oh! Mom would have cooked this so much better with only few spices " or I would be going to get a haircut I would be like " if she was with me I wouldn't have to talk with my hair dresser " I am always thinking how she would have cooked this, how she would have dressed for the wedding party I'm going what she would have been doing in the evening if she was alive how she would have reacted to me getting so bad at studies after her death how she would have talked with the stranger I just talked with how she would have been watering the plants I get reminded of her voice her tone her aura everyday that it's kinda annoying and I'm crying writing this | 1 |
yesterday was the worst day of my life | it all started when i went to gym, i go there to meet my crush, but while i was waiting for my turn at the other machinery i saw my crush chatting whit someone called "my husband" and since she is 14 im pretty sure it's probably a name for her boyfriend/crush, either way she is not interested in me, i'm destroyed she was my reason to go at the gym and to get in better shape, she was goth, mentally ill, liked kittens and breaking bad. I'm so sad (sorry if i'm overly dramatic ) | 0 |
Got fired today | Well, I fucked up majorly and am facing a DUI charge for June 9th. I didn’t hurt anyone thank goodness. Insurance totaled my car and I received a payout large enough to put a down payment on another car. I had hit a fence before making it to the paved road thankfully. The neighbor is allowing us to fix the fence ourselves because we already have wire fencing on our property that is rolled up (old cattle fencing but he doesn’t raise cattle).
My employer had a zero tolerance policy for DUI and I was fired today after completing all of my documentation and mileage reimbursement. My supervisor was very sweet to me through the whole process.
I’m just so disappointed in myself and needed to vent. I have a completely clean record, I have worked at the state level and my background checks always passed ridiculously fast. I’ve never been to jail, never even been in handcuffs until the 9th when the police took me to the station for a breathalyzer test. I blew 0.13. I was blackout drunk. I know I deserve to be fired for this. It still hurts so much though.
I’m going to court on July 5th and hoping they offer me diversion and I am able to obtain a hardship permit so I can still drive for work, if anyone hires me.
Thanks for listening. | 1 |
I have no mental tolerance left in me | Anything as small as a text message messes with my mood, something as simple as a loss in a video game ruines my day. My view on reality changes like its nothing. I can not focus unless its something i already excel at or is optimized to be captivating. I feel really awful, hurt and vengeful. I feel like my brain just doesn't process emotions well. I spent years trying to be this model of "honest, geniune and empathetic" just to now figure out thats what keeps me away from "profit". And that all we do is for the profit. Im gonna try a bit harder for a while but i feel like i don't have much to live for tbh. I hate myself and everything so much that i can't even express my emotions at times. Im gonna try and just ignore my habits if empathy, direct speech, and impulses to binge watch stuff. Just ignore all my negative nature but i kinda know its not gonna help much but I'll just try to be different again. I'll try again but who am i kidding i probably won't make it. | 1 |
Just Lonely | I love having someone to talk and listen to (mostly listen) I’m sick right now and I’ve just been watching videos and playing video games, because I know what I really want to do is have a conversation, but I don’t want to bother people with whatever I might say, because I’m drowsy so the conversation from my end might be boring. I just get to feeling lonely y’know, but I’m also anxious so I’ve created a bit of a problem for myself. I’m not sure what to do here really I don’t know if this is the right place to even voice these thoughts because I can’t get my thoughts straight | 7 |
anyone miss the past | like not the people or anything but the happiness and freedom
​ | 6 |
Anyone want to join a positive discord server for venting, giving support and advice? | I call it the safe space. It’s a place you are allowed to vent about whatever you want and even get support or advice about things as well. There are tons of other unique channels including motivational pictures, games you can play, and chatting with other members. All of us support each other through life’s tough times! 🙏 Age requirement is 16+ | 1 |
I decided to die | I’ve been thinking about that for years.
I think it’s poetic to die at my 25th birthday, so that’s what I’m gonna do.
The only thing I can’t deal with is… am i being egoistic for this? I mean, i have an objectively good life.
I’m just so tired…
I’m tired of pretending I’m ok.
I’m tired of everything… | 5 |
When your sad feelings never stop leaving you and it keeps on making you feel worse... | Nobody is there for me and it makes me angry. My mom never listens to what I have to say. I'm not uncomfortable talking to my dad about personal things. I don't have any siblings and that makes me feel so bad that others have them and I don't. I don't have any friends. I just have this app and that's not good enough. I have to keep everything inside because nobody gives a fuck about what I have to say. I'm just a burden to them. (Yes, I know not having siblings is great, not for me...i need someone that's not my parents there for me to talk when I need to be alone, when I feel the world is too much at times but I don't have any one..) I just want to talk to someone around my age, is that too much to ask for? (I'm 19.) | 1 |
Why are honest and sincere people the ones that are always hurt | I don't know where to go from here.
Nothing is working out..
I am just crying in silence and trying to figure out a way to either disappear or at least be emotionless.
I have had my doubts that my longest relationship will eventually come to an end... yet I held on to it when we both became LDR. His family liked me "at first" since I was a good girl, then next thing I found out that his mom has been trying to break us apart. You can only imagine what happens when he is back to home, being everyday with his family away from me.... (as we have become LDR)
That is right, brainwashed and always pushed to end the relationship.
After a fun call, I got ignored with no reason, I know I am dumb for seeking an answer to the why in this. But I have been chasing it for almost a month, yet nothing.
Honestly, I feel like I failed myself and my confidence just sank below the negative. Maybe it is undefined right now. 0 confidence in my career choice, I am not even happy with what I am doing or studying. 0 confidence in my relationship, since I lost the bigger hand and I feel like I am always losing my battles that I don't even create .. and here I am crying to myself once again trying to down sleeping pills to forget about my current situation.
And to make things worse, I have no other friends to spend time with to forget about this.
I know others have it worse than I do. But I never thought my trust, hard work and sincerity would be thrown away in a matter of a second with no remorse.
Can someone please tell me what is the recipe to being emotionless or an asshole. I really want to stop getting hurt.
Thank you. | 6 |
What you do when depression comes? | Any thoughts? | 1 |
I'm feeling really down today |
I'm not sure why, but I'm feeling really down today. I've been feeling this way for a few days now, and I just can't seem to shake it. I feel tired, unmotivated, and just overall blah.
I'm not sure what's causing this feeling, but I think it might be a combination of things. I'm going through a bit of a tough time in my personal life.
I know that I'm not the only one who feels this way sometimes. Everyone gets down from time to time. But it's hard when you feel like you can't seem to get out of this funk.
I'm just going to try to take it one day at a time. I'm going to focus on doing things that make me happy, even if it's just for a little while. And I'm going to be patient with myself. I know that I'll get through this eventually. | 3 |
My cat died, and i have no pictures of him to remember by. | Before my cats death, i tried to post a picture of him on r/cats. But the sub refused because i didnt have enough karma. Soon after i deleted that picture, thinking my cat would live for atleast ten more years, but instead a week later he died of cancer. I know, its much less serious then the other posts on this sub, but to me it hurts. | 29 |
childhood friend | when i was in 5th grade, i new this one girl. we will call this girl Rebecca. she had long brown hair and she was short with freckles. I was kind of friends with her and she like talking to me. I can tell I was one of the only people she felt comfortable with, except for the teachers. Rebecca had perfect attendance every year. I remember because she got awards for it. and one day for the first time in six years, she didn't come to school. we all found this weird and just expect her to come back the next day. but then she won't come back for a week, a week turned into a month, a month turned into the rest of the year. since we're in fifth grade, the teachers didn't tell us about her. but one day when I ask my parents for Rebecca went, and if they knew they said she went missing. my time was very small, so I thought she could've gone far, but she went FAR. when I was in eighth grade, they finally found her. IN MEXICO. turns out she was kidnapped and sold to a sex trafficker. she was tested for STDs and had 36 men's DNA inside her. when she came back to school, she had hair to her chin, she was unhealthily skinny, and had a few teeth missing. I felt so bad for her. after about two years of staying at our school, not really talking to anyone, but me, and a few teachers and friends she moved to Canada. | 2 |
A girl who recently told me she liked me told me she’s looking to have “fun” on a work trip to another city. | I’ve been talking to a girl for a while now. She told me she likes me recently, I didn’t reciprocate because I don’t have very good self esteem right now and I’m trying to improve that before I can be with anyone. I told her that I also liked her but I wasn’t ready to be more than friends with her right now.
Today she’s told me she’s going on a work trip to a different city. She said she’s looking to have “fun” I asked her what she meant and she said “you know”. I don’t know why she would say that. It feels like a punch in the gut, It doesn’t matter to me what she does since we’re just friends. What does matter to me is that she tells me this after telling me she really likes me.
I’m just full of sadness right now, I’m shaking. Is she doing this to hurt me? Cause this just makes my self esteem drop even lower. Could she just not be thinking of what she’s saying? She was the one that messaged me after we didn’t talk for a few days. | 3 |
Lonely I guess | 3rd year med student, burned out wish I never started, family is broken, single, cry myself to sleep every night I walk into a room of people, weather it be my friends or complete strangers and just feel so isolated, my bed just ugh, i feel so wrong in it and even worse so I sleep on my living room floor, been in therapy but not getting anywhere, sorry for droning on I had to put my feelings somewhere, hopefully someone relates and has some sort of advice | 5 |
I found something that help | Today I decided to get medical attention for my problems with hopelessness and misery that I been dealing with since the last few years, recently it get a lot worse and the meds really work, I started to think of the things that really really get me down and I don react to those toughs, I don't feel shitty like I use to. The meds feel like a wall that stops all the pain form those toughs and I am really glad that I begin this process so please if you are struggling with something similar go for professional help I believe that is a really good help to deal al the bad things.
For the first time in a very very long time I believe that I could be fine and that's cool ;))))) | 2 |
Estoy viviendo como mi novia se enamora de otro | Hagan preguntas, den consejos o por último una rola para llorar toda la noche. | 1 |
I’m down bad | Someone please give advice.
I cannot stop thinking ab my ex it has been a while and I know he doesn’t think ab me and honestly I don’t really persay want to be with him but I’m so upset that I still miss him even after the way he treated me. I wasn’t the best either I know I was manipulative and all that but I don’t gaf anymore I’ve been working on myself for months so I can be better next time I get into a relationship but I’m not gonna get in one if I still sit here and miss him and get sad that he didn’t want me. I just need advice ab how I can actually stop thinking about him because it’s exhausting I actually am so done with all of it. | 1 |
This is the story of how I fumbled my one chance at finding true love | Back in 2018, I was in secondary school (year 10) when a girl confessed that she loved me but I couldn’t pluck up the courage to ask her out. I won’t name this person but I had a massive crush on her ever since I met her in year 4. She was outgoing, kind, caring, compassionate and attractive but above all else she was really nice to me and that meant a lot to me. She had been giving me hints for about a year up until that point (winking at me, blushing, complimenting me, and even making the shape of a heart with her hands) but I hadn’t picked up on any of them. Despite knowing her for a long time, I never had the faintest idea she felt this way about me, we were more or less only on a first name basis and I never saw her outside of school. We only ever exchanged a few words with each other and that was only when we’d bump into each other in the corridor or shared the same class. I knew she was sincere about her feelings otherwise she wouldn’t have said it. I have autism and I find communication challenging so it would have been difficult for me to even start a conversation. The truth was that at the time I was scared of being love as it was something I’d never experienced before, it was a foreign concept to me. By the time I got to year 11, life was hard for me and I was dealing with anxiety, being bullied everyday and struggling with revision for exams. I ended up having a really bad mental breakdown and I attempted to take my own life. I had to leave school at 16 without doing any GCSEs. The last time I saw my crush was 2019 and that point it was already too late for me to do anything about it because I wasn’t in the right headspace. I know I’m a coward and I should have just gone for it when she said she loved me since she obviously would have said yes. The single biggest regret of my life is not anything that I’ve done but rather what I didn’t do and what I should have done. I wish I had the courage to have spoken to her, I feel like we could have an amazing relationship together and my heart aches just thinking about it now. I still remember the day it happened like it was last week and I’ll never forget it. I’m only now beginning to come to terms with it now after seeing a therapist and taking medication for my depression but I don’t think I’ll be able ever get over it. I get very attached and always think of the past. My emotions affect my mental health and that’s not something I can’t just switch off easily. I feel like I’m cursed or being punished by god in some way. I’m sad because every time something good happens to me, I let it go to waste. I’ve tried using tinder to try and find someone but I don’t get any matches. It doesn’t help that I’m insecure about how I look and I think I’m “ugly”. I’ve never been on a date let alone a relationship and I’m still a virgin. Part of me does feel sad because I’ve never had sex but love is not even just about aspect at least for me anyway. I want to go on dates with my lover, make them laugh, do hobbies and activities together, watch tv, play video games, and just have quality time with each other. I wouldn’t go as far as to say I’m not loved as I have my family and dogs but it’s just not the same anymore. In fact I still live with my parents because I’m clingy and I don’t want to be alone by myself. I want to be loved in a romantic way by a partner who I feel the same way about. I get so jealous of other couples wether it’s husbands or wife’s or boyfriends and girlfriends, I’m just so envious of them. I am tired of being alone and sick of being told that “things will get better” and to “keep my chin up”. I know I’m pessimistic and don’t believe in myself but I suppose I’m also just unlucky. This will sound cliché but when I was younger I always imagined that I’d get married to my soulmate, have one or more children, go on holidays to different countries, make a lot of money, own a nice car, a big house and live happily ever after. Fast forward to today and that idyllic lifestyle is more of a dream that probably won’t ever come true. Life isn’t a stereotypical romcom as much as I wish it were true. I know I’m still young and maybe I’ll get lucky one day, no one knows what the future holds.
Thank you to whoever managed to read this long story about my sad love life. I’m sorry for writing the lengthy paragraph and I’ve probably repeated myself several times. I’ve been wanting to get this off chest for a long time and I just decided to do it today. I’d appreciate it if someone could reach and leave a positive message or cheer me up in some way. I suppose the moral of this story is, if someone says that they love you then you should tell or better yet show them how you feel. | 3 |
How can a person dissappear from everyone? | I'm sad, angry, frustrated and i just want to disappear from everyone. | 2 |
i keep remembering it | I keep remembering my ex. I don't want this. I hate her.
As a bit of context, my ex emotionally manipulated me, sexualized every bit of me, dug into my insecurities like a predator driving it's claws through it's prey, and groped me. She forced me to say I love you. She forced me into all of it.
I keep remembering the feeling of her dirty little fingers gripping my inner thigh. I remember her holding my leg down when I tried to pull away. I remember the feeling of being trapped, out of control. I hate it. I remember her using any sort of leverage against me to get me to do what she wanted. Trying to use her feelings as said leverage. And I let it happen, because I'm weak. I tolerated this, even stayed friends for a few weeks after our breakup. But it's been over 6 months. That's all I can think about. I hate it. I want to rip away any part of me she's ever touched. I want to strip my memories of her face and scratch them out of every photo.
I hate her. | 1 |
Love... | Love can be the remedy of your pain, but it can also be the lighter that sets fire to all your life blowing up everything you worked hard in life.
You decide... | 1 |
I feel alone. | I feel alone even tho I have a few friends, and a happy family, but stil. I lost alot of friends from school. When I tried to be with the three people I would hang with, it felt like I wasn't even there. Like I was being ignored. It's like when I am with others I would be smiling, but when I get home I would just be happy that I am alone again, but realise that I am just alone and won't be getting any text like "do you wanna hang out" or "wanna watch a movie with me". I don't wanna text them because I don't want to bother them, like the friends I ones had and now stil have. | 2 |
Why does no one like me | Some people say that im attractive but no girls have ever asked me out so i feel like im hidious.
I dknt think i'll ever get a girlfriend. | 3 |
i suck at making friends, tired of people pleasing, basing my self worth on how others reply or react. i want to change this.. | I think that im boring or bore others or have nothing interesting to say i ask to many questions and the conversations are like interviews and i don't know how to show my true personality or how to make friends
maybe im desperate and needy and i chase peoples approval/attention
i don't know how to make others talk, im not that funny or cool or that interesting. maybe im being too harsh on my self..
i just don't know how some people can talk to each other for so long and not run out of stuff to say or talk about
its always me talking more, sending more messages, i always send long messages and still have nothing to say, maybe im doing this to get others to reply so i won't feel bad about myself or get ignored?
mostly its like this
me "How is it going?"
her "Good, wbu"
me"pretty good"
her"Good"
me" what are your hobbies"
her"names them"
me"that's cool"
or i ask "how is it going " or "what makes you happy " or "what do you love about yourself " or i ask "where you from" or "wassup" or "who's your favorite artist" and they name it and i have nothing to say afterwards
maybe because im so bad at conversations i no longer like to even have them, maybe that's why im so quiet most of the time.
like i suck at conversations.. maybe i need to work my self and not worry about making friends right now.
this is awful i know. my conversations are always dry as fuck, maybe i need to have fun in conversations so people actually want to talk to me? i just don't know how.
i feel like no one likes me or cares about me or loves me, its always me messaging first, its always me asking questions, its always me chasing, and im tired of it
at the same time i dont want to be alone forever.
i know i have to work on my self and i know i need to stop basing my self worth and whole personality on how others react
i mostly dont even know what to talk about, or what i should say or what to even say.
i used to just try to sext with every girl because dating isn't allowed in where i live, but i don't try to do this anymore, i have no idea what to talk about
im tired of people pleasing, chasing approval, chasing attention, not knowing what to say, being addicted to porn, posting here for endless of times, basing my self worth on how others react..
i know making friends is just a small part of life and there is more to life, i just dont know what | 8 |
Want to die | I don’t know what exactly is wrong. I just really want to die. I have the urge to kill myself and it is so strong. I’ve been so good for months I haven’t had the urge to kill myself. I just got a job offer, my life is changing for the better, right? But why is all I can think about is that I just want to kill myself. I want everything to be over. I want to give up. | 1 |
I ache for someone to cuddle with | But not just anybody. Not a place holder to cuddle with. No. They have to be someone I love. Someone I care about.
I don't want love to fill a void. I already love myself. I'm already complete. I'm already happy.
But I have a human longing for connection, closeness, love.
I just want someone to take me in their arms. Nuzzle me. I want to carry them in a protective, warm, embrace.
And the one person out of the entire world I wanted to do that with, does not want me in the slightest. The Sun is setting. It's getting late. Best not to be out late at a graveyard of dead potential.
I pray for a soft, warm, wholesome love. One that won't ever make me question if the person loves me because of their distance. | 19 |
RIP REBECCA😢🥺 | https://youtube.com/shorts/0XgOFNgT2Ac?feature=share | 1 |
Blues Clues came out in 1996. I just realized... if Blue were real, she'd be long dead. | Damn. | 2 |
My mom | I haven't seen her or talked to her in years. I had to go nc because the situation was toxic. She was hurting herself and me and refused to get help. Refused to listen.
I was so scared and worried about her manic tendencies. My heart hurts.
I keep flashing back to moments of her kindness all throughout my childhood that I took forgranted.
I'm terrified of death but I feel like I deserve the worst things to happen to me. Because of how I overlooked and took forgranted her gestures of love.
I was stressed, preoccupied, dysregulated. But I grew accustomed to everything she did for me. So I was desensitized in a way.
I never knew what it was like to live without one single person who loves you. Until now. Especially the way she loved me and displayed it. Even though she also hurt me.
I just want to shut my mind down and I can't. | 6 |
I feel unwanted and unimportant | I have bouts with depression. I know a lot of people do. But this particular incident that just happened makes me feel like I put in more effort to people and their feelings then they do to mine.
I don't have many friends in the area I live. (I moved a year ago) I have one friend from work. Talk to him a lot at work. We get along great. He's the only person at work that I have switched numbers with and we actually talk and occasionally hang out outside of work.
Today's my birthday. He knows it's my birthday. And I couldn't even get a text or post on Facebook saying happy birthday. I couldn't even get a minute of time to be sent a simple two word text. It's been radio silence.
I feel so unimportant and unwanted. It just brings up old insecurities about not feeling smart enough, or pretty enough, or good enough. I feel like a failure a lot of the time. I know I have ADHD and can sometimes be too much for people. Yet at the same time I'm not enough for them.
I have a lot of moments like this and I don't want to feel like this. I want to be as happy as I make myself out to be, but I'm not. I don't know if I ever will be.
I don't work with him again until Tuesday and I'm not sure how to act when I see him. I hate confrontation. My instinct is to just not talk to him unless he says something to me. I know I'm not entitled to his time or anything. But I thought I was considered enough of a friend to at least wish me a happy birthday. But I guess not. | 2 |
Scary thought | I have been out of sorts and I don’t know what to do with myself and scary thought popped my head | 3 |
Shows to make me cry | I don’t think this is the right sub Reddit for this but can’t find any other one.
For some reason I LOVE the feeling when I cry so I was wondering if there was some shows or movies that’ll make me cry or if you have any that you’ve cried to | 1 |
A Letter tp My Ex | Context: A letter to my ex that I have no plans of sending. I just need to get this out.
After you broke my heart, I just wanted to cry. I hated myself. I thought I messed up or did something wrong. I would think about our past, about you, your voice, and how I was going to win you back. I'd listen to your music hoping that I could find an answer somewhere in the lyrics. I thought that you would come back any day and realize your mistake. But I was wrong.
It hurt when you started ignoring me. It hurt when you started excluding me. And it really hurt knowing you never really loved me. But you know what hurt the most, more than anything? The fact that not even 2 weeks later, you ran back to him. Someone who you seemed to dispise, to never have anything good to say about, or want to spend time with.
Someone who seemed to cause you so much pain, was better than me? I did things for you that he couldn't have hoped to do, I made you my world, I made you my priority in every situation, yet, it wasn't enough.
The worst part is that I tried to be angry, and tried to hate you, but I couldn't. I should be and have every right to be upset with you. But I'm not. I'm just sad that I helped you out of your own pain, just for you to cause mine. I hate myself for caring, knowing that I did nothing wrong other than trusting you.
My only question is, why? Why go through this elaborate plot just to see me fall? Why give me false hope of love just to go back to someone who could never love you like I could? Why? | 1 |
i feel so very alone | i dont have any friends left. i work a dead end job, where after a long day (12 hour shift) the rest of my day goes by with transportation, even on my free days i dont do stuff i just sit around and watch romantic animes about stuff that i will never experience. i got scared of this girl and i think she just kinda got bored of me so she flaked on me and i left, i used to teach her chess and now she plays with someone else. i try to hang with this one friend i still kinda have, we talk like once in a blue moon and if i dont text him he would never text me. what is the point, why wake up in the morning,
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i bought myself a rollerskate a few weeks back, i used it like 3 times and it wasnt cheap either i really thought it would make me feel better but it didnt.
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i wish i was just never here, like not existent in the first place, my father worked so much to raise me and my sister i cant even die, i just have no right. i cant die and i dont want to live.
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Road down memory lane | Since I've broken up I've been lonely and alone. I've hardly got friends and the ones I have, we meet only once a month. Our lives have moved ahead.
After 2 weeks of meeting nobody because I've got noone to meet. I pushed and pushed got a friend to agree. It was supposed to be five but it dropped to one. My other friend got married and shifted into the same building as my ex. We went over to his house after dinner because I got some goodies from my trip from Japan. We all chilled, him and his wife, my friend and his girlfriend and I. Talked alot and then while going down late at night it seemed all to familiar.
As I used to do with my ex, I called for a cab and leave just a minute before it came. I got into the cab right where I used to everyday. And went through the same lanes home as I always did. The same bridges and roads and traffic signals etc only this time when I looked at my phone there was no messages. The routine suddenly felt like a distant memory from the past, what should feel like a long time ago felt like only yesterday.
My ex and I used to stay on the phone while i went home, when i would reach and go upto my room, I'd call her again or I'd get a text saying "Did you reach safely?".
It was a road down nostalgia. A road down memory lane.
I feel alone and empty and hollow again.
It's been 6 months and the memories don't seem to fade. This small little act which we did everytime I met her left a large scar for me now. I'm hurt and alone and I've got now is an empty cellphone. | 5 |
my(33m) girlfriend (21) attempted suicide. | (Update)
She is ok and back living with her parents now. She is still talking to me and tells me she loves me and wants to try and make things work, but she's still blaming me for her own suicide attempt. Plus her entire family seems to have now turned against me, hates me and doesn't want me to be with her. She's keeping it a secret she's even talking to me. It hurts.
I love her, but I don't want to be blamed for her own actions. I also don't want her family to hate me or blame me for her own actions. They despise me and absolutely hate me. I never wanted that.
So my girlfriend attempted suicide for the second time.
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Let me start by saying that we have been together about a year now there is quite a age gap between us in our relationship. i never intended or sought out to date someone that was substantially younger than me, and i know it feels wrong to me. she sought me out at a mutual persons house we were frequently at. for 6 months she tried. i finally caved to her feelings and started dating her.
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A little about her =
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she has alot of mental health issues. because of that its caused problems with her family, and my family, its to a point now that my X will not even let my daughter come over or be around us because of her behavior. she doesnt have a car or a job and she is staying with me and honestly i am living with one of my family members who is helping me out to get on my feet. i just recently got a vehicle i saved for and have been trying to get it working in tip top shape. i love this women and was planning a life with her. we even had a vacation planned to go to another country in 6 months with my family and my family told me they no longer want her to go as she has constantly gotten violent and physical towards me. she has had so many problems that her own family has essentially kicked her out of her home, or she could just not want to be there. she was probably lying to me about how bad her and her own family do not get along and essentially running to me to get out of the house. nobody likes staying with their parents right? misbehaving or a bad attitude, not giving respect or whatever you want to chalk it up to, pissing her family off- and then running away to me. i just know that her and her mother didnt get along so she was staying in a hotel that her step dad got for her.
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a little about me = i feel overwhelmed. im doing everything i can to get us to have a perfect stable environment, like people have tried telling me - i cant fix her, i also cant just give her my constant constant attention like that when i have important things to do like trying to fix my car or trying to work and do my job. because i work from home on the computer people just think im lazy or im not doing anything. its quite frustrating and i hate my own circumstance. i wont go into what lead me up to where im at but in my own defense my friends and the people that know me know that i am doing the right thing working and trying to get back on my feet and get solid transportation going for myself so i can gtfo of said current family members home im living with. i wanted to save up and get a second car and a apartment. i earn about 3k a month takehome pay and im not really having but maybe 400$ of living expenses at the moment, and i have really good credit so i could just go get a second car or something.... i just dont know what to do or whats the point anymore.
i will say that she has been trying to better herself, in her defense. But its like there is constantly issues between us because she doesnt have anything to do or keep her entertained. while i work from a family members home im staying with she pretty much just lays in bed and plays on her phone smoking pot. she just seems depressed.
she has a therapist, has had me taking her to dr's appointments and all sorts of things, like applying for section 8 housing and getting on foodstamps so she can take care of herself. this recent incident, i think is definitely the end of us now.
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So let me talk about it and get it off my chest, heres what happpened:
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So, i have been working from home since the pandemic started, and on my lunch break i got us food, i had some time left and thought id hop back on the computer to continue a discussion i was having with a mechanic because i have been working on trying to get my car working good. She got upset and started to slam and hit my keyboard because its very tactile and loud and clicky - she thought i was upset or being aggressive and ignoring her. she yelled at me and vented at me for like 6-7 minutes and wanted my attention. it really upset me.
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after that lunch break i finished up my day and told her that i was going to take her back to this hotel,. she threw a massive fit, hit me, threatened to kill herself, it was aweful. she said she was sorry over and over - but i just wanted to still seperate. thats why i wanted to get away from the situation is her behavior...
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so, things eventually cooled down and i did take her to this hotel. she said she was sorry 1000x over. maybe i just heard it all to many times. it just isnt the same...anymore...i wanted her to control herself. maybe i was an asshole. she started talking to me the next day at work, she had some medication she needed to get for an infection and i had tried to explain to her that i didnt think it was a good idea for us to be around eachother, that i would still do it but i was honestly thinking about breaking up with her. i dont have the strength. i love her to much. i didnt really want her to breakup with me. i just wanted her to stop being so violent towards me. i wanted to work things out. its a lonley world. im tired of starting over with someone new over and over. so she started getting really upset over text about why i did what i did. she started calling me repeatidly. apparently she had thrown her phone, shattered the screen and was crying. she told me she took an entire bottle of pills and was about to climb up a nearby highway and jump off. i tried doing everything i could think of - i messaged her mother and didnt get a response. they absolutely hate me and i dont know why. i have taken care of this woman, loved her and cared for her compassionately after all of the abuse. i have been begging and pleading inside for them to just accept and be happy for us , the same as with my own family because her behavior has caused problems with my own family now disliking me. so her best friend told me to call 911 and i did, apparently her mother had called 911 but had not responded to my text and ignored my phone call because according to dispatch they already sent someone out. i tried to tell her to stop on the phone i never ever in a million years would have or ever told her to do this sort of thing. she is worth everything in the world to me.
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i tried calling her back over and over and over and eventually she did awnser, by the sound of it she was about to jump off said bridge, and there was a cop present. she said over the phone "its my boyfriend he is the one causing me to do this!" then hung up on me.
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i kept trying to talk to her family, and eventually the step dad got in touch with me and updated me on the situation. she is currently inpatient in some hospital. i dont know if she even has my number memorized or if they would even let her call me. her family absolutely hates me. they are blaming everything on me. everything. they were very aggressive towards me. it sounds and feels like maybe she might honestly hate me at this point. im so very sad. im honestly afraid of her family, like...they have said some intimidating things. i kinda knew something like this was going to happen by taking her back to this hotel, i wanted her family to be there for her. because they kicked her out of her own house we have done nothing but have problems for 3 months she was inbetween floating my house and her own familys house. she would stay at my house for 2-3 days at a time often.
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so- anyhow. i dont know why im writing this. im so very sad. it has effected my mental health....
i just love her so much, so very much. i never in a million years would have thought this would have happpend. i tried to do everything i absolutely can in my power. over and over. i just wanted someone to actually love me and care enough to understand me.
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i honestly want to know what you guys think will happen next. i have no idea at all at this exact moment what could be going through her head. how she even feels about me. if she is even going to try and contact me. if she even will stand up for me. it is so hurtful what she did, to try and end her life and blame me. i also think it is so wrong that her family is blaming this all on me. they hate me now. i didnt do anything. i tried to do the right thing by separating from each-other so i could work on my car. i think we would be good for eachother given the right circumstances, im just going to continue to better myself. i dont plan on contacting her or going around her or her family. i want them and her to realize i was not the problem.............
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i really want to know you guys prediction on what you think will happen. its been 4 days since this all happened and shes been gone. Honestly, i just want to know what to prepare for next. its already heartbreaking. i dont understand why as a couple we couldnt just work on ourselfs and live seperated but still see eachother often and communicate, but given the situation- we are still in a relationship on social media, and honestly i have been wondering if i should take others advice and just block her and like her family told me to do if she just ups and shows up where im living at that i should call the cops and tell her not to be here. i dont know if i could do that.
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world, i know i am not perfect. nobody is. i need to work on myself, i get that. i know i do. i honestly want to go through therapy. but its like.....it really just seems like its going to be the complete end of us. and i dont honestly even know if im ever going to hear from her again. i think that she is going to blame the entire thing on me once she gets out, and if she does contact me that she will say i hate you, that im a Piece of $ht, that i made her feel worthless, just horrible things. or that she is going to just commit to never talking or seeing me again and be pressured by her family because i am taking the entirety of the blame. even if we just stopped talking for 6 months and both worked on ourselves, i dont think that after this things would ever work out between us even 2 years down the line.
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i...... i never wanted anybody to hate me. i have always tried to do my best at being friendly and caring... and maybe i should just start caring for myself and forget the whole thing and move on. it feels truly hopeless right now.
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i just want to know what you guys think i should do or what to expect. i know that she loves me this just really really hurt me bad. | 1 |
Quick n Painless | I’ve been going through a lot in the past couple years, lost the use of my knees after a work accident (can’t even walk up the stairs without pain) and they insurance company is making things worst basically I’m about to lose my job and medical help with recovery, lost all my friends mainly because after being crippled for so long I’ve came into a deep depression way worst then my usual doom&gloom and I don’t blame them being around depressed ppl must itself be depressing, I got not skills outside of manual labor which I’ll never be able to do again. I’m just so stressed and at the point where im truly over everything even the things I do to escape my feeling are starting to mirror back my life n situations. I want to do better but I don’t see any logical outcome where I end up on top or even good later in life(first world problems ik)but I refuse to end up a fucking hobo or just someone who lives for no reason and just takes up space like I’ve been doing these past years, I can’t continue like this I can’t afford to go to therapy that isn’t an option and SS hotlines don’t help cuz they can’t how could they I don’t blame them but it’s more for ppl who don’t think everything through imo I see my future clearly and I don’t want it (definitely can’t do anything to change it) so im gonnä try a QNP with oxycodone it’s what I been using for my knee pain and it make you very drowsy so im thinking I can just sleep for ever it’s usually 3-4 that will put me to sleep so after that right before I fall asleep I’ll just take like 8 more on top of that or maybe the whole bottle just to be safe hopefully it works but based on how my life be going I’ll probably just be body dead and my brain still works 😭 but it’s worth a try nothing will cure my depression n SS thought especially now I’m pretty sure nobody will read this but if you do sorry for wasting your time and if you’re looking for a QNP way this maybe it I wont be able to tell you If it works cuz it’ll have worked lol but yeah. If I doesn’t I’ll be back with details ✌🏽🦇♾️🎱 | 2 |
My dad | Dont you love hearing your dad tellin you the exciting adventures of his life? I do to. But one thing that makes me sad is some of the lore he has unraveled.
My dad had a brother who lived in the same city, guess what? he took his own life. He took a little to many sleeping pills to never wake up again.
He also had a bunch of friends who also took thier lives. One was a very heavy drinker and died on the streets. One used to take drugs and eventually overdosed.
This one, which find very just straight up sad and depressing. My dad went togheter with his friends one a boat trip from Sweden to Finland and one of his friends who drank a little to much one night and jumped of the side of the boat straight in to the ice cold water (it was winter). The boat did stop and they did find my dads friend...dead...on...a piece of ice in the sea.
Like damn.
He never asks for a hug or anything.
Damn | 2 |
Going back to my dark places, after my hopes were shattered once again. Want to cry... | Everything was fine. Was happy with being alone, working on myself, given up the thought of ever finding someone.
Then a girl I knew, smiled and waved at me. She agreed to talk, get to know each other, next door neighbor. One week into texting, she ghosted me.
Why did she have to give me hope. I was doing fine. Now all I wanna do is cry, but I can't. Can't focus on anything :(( | 3 |
This has helped me...but it's kind of sad... | This might sound sad...but I have gone on fiverr and brought gaming sessions with people who are offering to talk and listen to you while you game, and I found it super useful so I wanted to come on here and tell others who might be in a similar position to me in case it could help someone else. Sometimes I have been talking to them so much that we end up just sitting and chatting rather than playing, and idk I just found it helped me get a weight off my chest being able to talk to a random stranger with no strings attached about the things going on in my life... I do feel a bit bad sometimes almost like I am forcing them to listen but they always reassure me that it's okay so I order them again sometimes I pay someone new...I guess what I'm trying to say is it helped me and it means I don't have to talk to people in my life about what is going on and it's sm cheaper than therapy so this has kind of been my coping mechanism for a while... Hope this helps someone... please don't judge me :(. Please let me know if you guys have ever done something similar or if you have found other ways to vent or talk to strangers about things going on in life, reddit can be super helpful for me too but the interaction of actually talking 1 on 1 to someone who I knew was actually listening and paying attention to my story is something I don't quite feel from posting anonymously. I have tried just finding random people online while gaming but they usually unfriend me or avoid me after I try to have these conversations with them as they just want to play and have fun...not listen to my life story. | 2 |
Goodbye | So I think this is my last day because I just don’t have a life anymore and the past last 5 years or so I’ve been through a lot and I’ve been battling hard in these past 5 years to stay alive but now it over for me I can’t find happiness anymore I feel alone like even with my friends and family are around me I still feel like I’m not there I don’t enjoy anything anymore that usually helped me in the pass but there’s just nothing anymore and especially the past 2 months I’ve lost my life I lost my best friend to suicide almost 2 months ago then my wife left me on June 31st of this year and now my uncle who raised me since I was born passed away one the 18th this month and now I’m lost those people helped me wake up and look forward to seeing every day with a smile but they’re gone now and there’s just nothing left and I’m only writing this just to get this shit off my chest so I can die some what okay with my self | 19 |
My PTSD and depression are too much | Dads dead. Family hates me and my mom because they never like mama and I’m like her. Dad died in my hands. I see blood on my hands. I can’t breathe. I have chronic pain. I’m just 14, it’s getting to much. I can’t talk without seeings his blood all over my clothes. I can’t ease the guilt. I feel tired all the time. Everything hurts.
What have I become? I was so healthy, I was so happy, I was….doing good….im fucked up now. | 0 |
my summer sucked | my dog died on jun 23 so as of posting this last night. he was such a good boy. he was old so I knew it would happen recently but it's still sad. during the day I put on a brave face for my family but at night I can't help but cry my eyes out. I realize that my story isn't as big as anyone else here but I just keep thinking of my last moments seeing him saying goodbye as my parents took him to put him down. the worst part is he died before they even got to the place. but I just keep remembering how I couldn't say a word all I could do was kiss his head. now I wish I spent more time with him. I miss him so much I don't know how to feel whenever I'm with people. I'm fully fine but then I break down. for anyone wondering I'm typing threw tears so I hope there aren't any spelling mistakes. anyways hope you enjoyed my story and don't worry I'm not gonna do anything to harm myself in just sad | 5 |
I want a friend like me | I want someone like me who will just listen to me rant about things I want to and give me plenty of time to, and who will insist on asking whats wrong and who will reassure me and actually care for once and not leave. I have myself but itd be nice to have someone other than myself like that. | 3 |
Lost my lover and everything... | I wont be around much longer. I literally have nothing to live for in my life anymore. The most amazing person who meant everything told me last night that they dont love me and that im a piece of shit and that its over....
It's my fault though. We are in a ldr and i had SO much trouble trusting them that I constantly and it really put them through hell every day. They were the only person in this entire world for me.. I honestly cant describe to you how much pain it's putting me through. I tried to use a knife and it's just too painful for me. Id rather do pills or shoot. Just imagine loving someone so much and trying to hard only to loose them by not trusting.
When I tell you theres noone else I actually mean it. There would never be anyone else that I would consider dating. I literally just love them and them alone and thats just me but.... now they are gone. I cant sleep I cant do anything but wait until I can get my hands on something. I dont want them to know about me dying. I want them to be happy in their life and their dreams come true. hearing these things from them broke my heart.. 💔 😞 Why was it so hard for me to just trust them? I feel so broken and hopeless. I dont want to be in pain anymore.. but they were somebody who actually made me happy. Honestly the only person.... Nothing else really made me happy or was enough for me but hearing their voice and laugh, knowing that they loved me and believed in me. Now its gone.... i dont even know why im venting this..... 😖guess i dont have anyone to talk to either anymore. My life was a mistake. I went through horrible things and i fought so hard and I thought it mightve been worth it to end up finding them but for what?? They were like a angel and savior to me... but they gave up on us.. | 2 |
I put my dog down and I feel guilty | She was a 11 year old dachshund and on 6/5/23 we put her down at 6:05 she took her last breath, the reason we decided to do it was the day before she has mammory tumors which female dog get if they aren't fixed and don't which and it busted open exposing the tumor and insides. I just feel like I should've caught on because when I think about the month before I could see the skin got a little tight where it busted and didn't think much of it, I don't know aswell if it was right of me to put her down, when they took her to the back to put the IV's in her arm I could hear her yelping for the last time and when they brought her back the face she gave me when she was on the table was something I can't forget, she looked scared and it hurts me so much to think about her last moments being confused and scared. Since then I've lost all drive to do anything and have been spending most of mv time just sulking in mv room or on my game, every time I start to do better that thought of her just pops in my head and it starts all over again | 1 |
I have no close friends or people that I trust. | I don't have anyone to talk to about how I feel and it's horrible. I've bottled up so badly I can't let go of someone from over a year ago and it's pure agony. | 3 |
Life is so f... long, isn't it ? | All the people around me saying : where dit time go, time flies, seems like yesterday...
For me, I'm 50, year 2000 seems as far as antiquity. | 4 |
i feel like shit about everything these past days | back in 2021, i broke up with my first girlfriend. it was tough, one day she just said she didn't want to be in a relationship anymore and wasn't even sure if she was monogamous, everything just felt so sudden and weird. this lead to me losing some friendships and everything around me felt like it was collapsing, less than a month after, my grandma died, i was in a really bad place. i only had some friends i could talk to, but the only one that i felt i could really vent about this was a crush i had back in 2019, ima call her "E". in 2019 i didn't have the courage to confess to her and in 2021 she was dating someone else, and even then, i was just out of a relationship and suffering with depression. since then, every time i thought about my ex, my heart started rushing and hurting, it was fucking horrible
2022 was a strange year, while i certainly did make some new friends, i never felt like i was really happy, the happiness was just washed away with sadness after a while. i got paranoid with everything and felt like i wasn't enjoying life. school got stressful and i felt like i was just living a groundhog day. my crush for E came back, but i found out (tho im not 100% sure) she's lesbian
this year started of great, even though im spending 3 days stuck in school from 7am to 6pm and i have to make a game for my final project next year, so yeah its also being stressful. i got really close to an old friend of mine and we started dating, but after a while he got into a fight with my best friend (for a motive that im not going to talk about) and with his best friend, who happens to be E, because he hadn't told her that we were dating and he spent a whole week ignoring her. this made me really angry at him (his lack of ability to take anything seriously also helped that), specially because me, my best friend and him are working together in the game so he being an asshole to my best friend was terrible. and what did i do? the same thing he did with E, spent a whole week without talking to him. but after that, i explained to him what i was thinking and my doubts about us, but he ghosted me for a week and wouldn't even talk to me in school
this week he finally said he wanted to talk and we ended up breaking up. it was stressful, he said he ghosted me because he was thinking of what to day to me (about what i talked to him), but how was i supposed to know that? i just felt ignored (karma i guess, i hate myself). but we "kinda" ended it on good terms.
of course, the week would just get better after that. E invited me to her birthday party, and guess who was also invited? my fucking ex. (not E's fault, basically everyone around me is friends with her, it's like trying to get away from the sky, it's impossible unless you abandon everything and go underground, this made me really paranoid). this started a whole dilema, do i go and deal with a hell of an anxiety attack? or do i just stay home?
i decided to go, but today (the day of the party) i woke up and couldn't stop trembling, my heart felt like it was gonna burst and i spent the whole day almost on the verge of crying. so i talked to E and she understood, and i decided not to go.
i feel like shit, i feel like im a fucking coward who cant get his life straight. yesterday i was asking E what she wanted for her birthday and jokingly said i wouldn't buy her a present and she replied with "i deserve a present after what you made me go through in 2021", and i just cant find a meaning to that, was i being an inconvenient weight? was it something else?
i just wanna talk to someone about this and figure out what to do with my fucking life, i feel like E is the only one that's going to understand, but i don't even know how to say it, and i don't wanna be a weight in someone's life | 5 |
Is there a point? | Hey, I just turned 16 and have been struggling with seeing the point of life since I was eleven. The only that has kept me going is the love from my mother, but it’s starting to feel like that isn’t enough anymore. When I was fourteen I actually tried to get help but to no it just led to a bunch of bullshit and I actually started feeling worse since I saw how it impacted my family changing their lives to the worse, so I decided to lie and said to therapists and psychologists that it was getting better and that was that. Since then everything has felt like shit and I just keep my feelings to myself but I don’t think I am strong enough anymore and I won’t seek help again. That’s why I’m writing this as a last call for help I guess. | 13 |
i think my best friend might like me more than a friend, despite knowing I'm in a happy relationship | Okay, so I might be reading too far into this, or I could not be. I don't know. Before anyone says anything, I've tried talking about it, she just acts like nothing was ever said nor done.
Moving on, into the story.
So I have a best friend, we've known each other since the 3rd grade. I've been in a happy and healthy relationship with my boyfriend for about 3 months now. She knew about him for a while, I absolutely adored him, even more so later on. Well, despite me being with someone, she's been flirting with me. I've always thought it was simply platonic flirting, but I realized that that's not always the case (thought my boyfriend was gay and flirted with me platonically, but was actually really into me and is bisexual, just for context).
Anyways, my boyfriend asked me recently because his childhood friend (whom he previously and briefly dated) asked about it if me and my best friend ever had a thing for each other. I told my mother, simply because I thought this was strange and kinda funny.
My mother brought it up when I saw her next, and my mother asked her opinion on it. She said something along the lines of, "I would've asked you out but I don't know how to ask out a woman!" And she's also turned her flirting up a notch. She's been really touchy compared to usual, she's cuddled into me, nuzzled into my neck with her lips close to it (i could literally feel her talking, she was that close), sat on my lap, and has been grabbing my face a lot. She said she'd kiss me but she knew my boyfriend wouldn't like it, and I can't tell if she's joking or not.
I'm really uncomfortable. She's doing things my ex did and she's been touching my legs which sends me into a panic mode. She acts like this with her boyfriend. And it's weirding me out. She's reminding me of that and the shit I went through and I'm on the verge of a mental break down.
What are yall thoughts? Am I tripping or am I onto something??? | 1 |
my best friend | here’s some back story, i’ve always had issues making friends and keeping them. in grade 6 i moved schools to go live with my mom in the middle of the year. i met this one girl who became my friend right away let’s call her friend1. i just finished grade 9, friend1 and i have been off and on threw out the years after i realized she wasn’t a good person, around the middle of the year friend1 and i managed to get into a trio with friend2 and i LOVED her she was amazing we fit together so well, we were bestest friends, we decided to both drop friend1. random things i had a sleepover for my birthday with friend3 and friend4 around 2 months before the trio but i stopped being their friends because of beef, a big reason friend2 and i stopped being friends with friend1 is because she was friends with friend4 which was the one who was the fakest, friend2 was a fake friend towards her and ended up dropped her. it causes a lot of issues including me getting into a fight with friend4 to protect friend2, i weigh around 115lbs and she is around 190lbs, so there is a pretty big difference, it was a bad fight, she sat on me, ripped out my hair, broke my finger, she didn’t even punch at all she just pulled my hair. i only fought her to protect friend2. me and friend2 were inseparable like i said, we were bestest of friends. we did everything together and spent alll of our time talking and giggling like normal teenage girls. one day i got sick and i couldn’t go to school for a while, when i got back i saw friend2 with friend4 and she said she just followed along, then one day my mom saw them walking in the mall. i noticed they were friends and i „confronted“ friend2 in a nice way, and said she was sorry and would stop, then she ghosted me and now all the girls are friends. i always hear them making fun of me and it’s starting to effect my mental health, i just feel so alone and abandoned. what do i do? | 4 |
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