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Need some advice .. I am going crazy
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Hi people,
I need you advise really... i am 35 year old male, I always think that I have a health problem, it started like 13 years ago, when I was diagnosed with migraine, I thought I had a tumor in my brain, the dr. Assured me it's a migraine, but I went into a state of anxiety for months, starting to have the same symptoms as the brain tumor, went to the same Dr. Many times, until the point that he told me, you have a mental illness, I am going to order an MRI for you, just to assure you, and to stop seeing you again, so I did it, it was normal as expected, and so everything was fine again, even my migraine had gone.
I married a wonderful woman who is a GP, and had a beautiful baby boy, everything was fine for me, until almost a year ago, I had a sever case of covid, so my wife told me let's run a full blood test on you, so I did, everything was fine except my liver function tests, they came up Slightly elevated, went to a GI dr, and he told me that it was because of Covid, but nonetheless, I am going to run some scans and extra blood tests, it came back fine, but here is the click, I didn't go back to normal since that incident, maybe my body did, but my mind didn't, I was in constant fear that my liver is having some kind of problem, and i actually started having pain in that area... against my wife advise I went to another GI after several months, who ran, many lab test on me including scans. all came back normal, and he told me it's an IBS pain, didn't believe him, went to another GI the most expensive one in town, who ran more tests (blood, stool, scans), and came back to the same conclusion its an IBS, so since my liver is ok, i moved to another thought, i might have colon cancer, so that other day i told my wife who i might remind you is a Dr. Herself that according to the internet, i might have a colon cancer, she is not even speaking to me anymore, and told me that i am not the same man she used to know... I am spending so much money, time, thought and quality of life on this, I am not the man I used to be, I am measuring my weight every day for God sake, looking at my stool like a wierd fuck to see if anything abnormal is happening..
The Internet is not helping ... my wife thinks I am crazy, my friends think the same...
| 0 |
Antipsychotic with no effect on memory?
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Hello i try 2 antipsychotic and have long term memory loss,which antipsychotic don’t cause memory loss?
| 1 |
Weird anxiety will I be okay
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Weird fear of touching my phone against a chemical bottle and contaminating it I don’t think I’d do I just walked by lol
| 1 |
Breakup
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Well I did end up breaking up with my partner. But I’m feeling ok. I’m am of course very sad, remembering the happy memories with them. But I thought about a lot and I finally realized that it wasn’t a healthy situation for what I needed out of a relationship. There were great things about it and we were really good for each other, but after the feelings subsided a bit from the excitement and happiness it ended up just not being what I needed anymore.
Through all that anxiety and depression from the idea of breaking up I finally came to terms with those feelings. It’s still very sad to loose that person but I hope I’ll find someone that’s a better fit for me in the future. Who knows how many more relationships I’ll have to go through till I find that person but I hope that I will find them somewhere out there. Maybe in a year, maybe in college, maybe when I’ve graduated, maybe when I’m 30 who knows. But it feels nice to be able to give my family and hobbies more attention now
| 1 |
Not feeling very great
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I decided to come to class today… spent most of my first class with a heart rate of 100bpm and trying not to cry. Couldn’t keep up (to be fair he was going VERY fast)
Now I’m in my second class and every part of my being wants to leave. I am lightheaded and anxious asf. I just wish this never happened to me. I wish I was normal again. It’s really upsetting not being able to handle things I used to not even think twice about. I feel ashamed of myself for being so mentally weak that I’m not prospering in the spaces I always have before. Maybe I’m just being dramatic and it’s just a tough morning but I just feel like shit.
| 1 |
It's Okay
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“It’s okay”
I feel like I say that a lot
To be kind and not cause problems
Even when it’s not okay
Like “I’m sorry you’re in pain”
“It’s okay”
“I’m sorry I broke your thing”
“It’s okay”
I’m sorry your struggling
“It’s okay”
But really it’s not
| 13 |
Dry Mouth
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Does anyone experience severely dry mouth? My psychiatrist thinks it’s caused by “something else” besides my meds. I can’t tolerate antipsychotics because of it.
| 2 |
I just need to vent
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I honestly don't even know why I'm writing this, but I just need to get it out. I feel like everything I do I mess it up and that I'll never succeed at anything and I'll just be lonely and die alone. Even when I do get good marks on tests or assignments I just feel empty. Others around me feel happy but I struggle to show that same happiness towards myself. I can't just "love myself" out of this or meditate or anything because I just don't see the point anymore. Even taking my medication for anxiety seems to do nothing somedays. I get so depressed and then I panic thinking about how if I'm too depressed in school then I'll fail and I won't be able to do things I should do and then the cycle continues. I don't have any friends, pretty much I also constantly think that everyone hates me. There's just a point where I don't know why I should keep going on. I know I want to be a vet, but then I worry about everything I do wrong and ask myself "how can I be a vet if I'm barely passing chem." Sorry for this horribly written monstrosity of ... this but I just need to write it at least before I drive myself crazy. Again, sorry :(
| 6 |
Anxiety/depression + divorce is kicking my ass
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I want to preface this by saying I'm in therapy. I'm getting the help I need to navigate what I'm going through.
My marriage is falling apart, I've moved out(for what I thought was temporarily) and I'm in a safe space. My issue is that my anxiety/depression has been really bad to the point where I don't eat for days on end and I almost have to force myself to have a shake or supplements so those around me can stop worrying.
I genuinely used to love food and cooking it was my happy place now I feel like I wake up have a coffee shower and go to work. Barely running a brush through my hair. The first week I couldn't get out of bed, barely showered or brushed my teeth. If it were foe the impending lawyer bills and my husband no longer taking care of our finances I probably wouldn't even be able to do that.
I just want to know what/how has helped others in this situation. I tried meds in the past and they did not help, if anything I couldn't sleep and it killed my sex drive(not that it matters now). I would love to just figure out my life.
| 1 |
Life is falling apart
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Sharing my story to see if anyone else can relate or provide some suggestions. I've struggled with anxiety for the last 11 years (31 year old male) and during that time experienced several depressive episodes. My psychiatrist and therapist both agree that the anxiety really brings about the depression. The last depressive episode I went through lasted 8 months and finally ended in July 2021. I can vividly remember the moment it turned - I was doing a meditation and all of sudden just felt better. From there it took off into remission. I should also mention that I have been pretty high functioning despite mental health challenges resulting in a management position at a large pharmaceutical firm that I was promoted to in December 2022.
Unfortunately, I slipped into another depressive episode since December and this one has been REALLY bad. I'm on a short term leave of absence from work and it seems like everyday I wake up and my situation is worse. Current symptoms that are absolutely killing me:
\-Cognitive impairment, this has to be the worst one. I feel like my brain no longer works. I have a super hard time communicating, thinking, making decisions, etc. I'm basically only comfortable around my GF I can't even hold it together with close friends.
\-Severe anxiety, lots of physical symptoms including shaking, muscle twitching, stomach problems, constant state of irritability and unease.
\-Nearly constant negative thoughts about being inadequate, hopeless for the future, jealous and sad with what my life has been reduced to....
I have been taking Lexapro (30 mg) for years and recently added Mirtazapine (30 mg) to try and combat this depression. Miraculously a week after starting it I started to feel better and entered a 2 week long remission where I completely returned to normal functioning. Sadly, after missing a dose of the medicine and a couple days of drinking more than normal, I was pulled right back down into the depressive hell. I'm now 2 weeks from that brief remission and absolutely desperate to start feeling better again. Things I'm considering trying:
1) TMS - I did a round of TMS in 2021 and stopped it 5 sessions early as I felt it was making my anxiety WORSE. Wondering if doing it with an anxiety protocol or Deep TMS would be more effective this time?
2) Ketamine infusions - I've read a lot about ketamine and the way it works in the brain. Wondering if it would be effective for my flavor of depression which is heavily driven by anxiety?
3) Other medications??? I've tried sertraline, fluoxetine, Lyrica, and propanol in the past with no effect.
Thank you for reading this and sending love to anyone else that is suffering. It's really hard for me to imagine a way out of this right now (which I know is depression at work). I feel like my brain has decided it just wants to quit.
| 8 |
Podcast for Bettering Your Mental Health
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Hey Guys!
I created a podcast for those suffering from mental disorders : General Anxiety Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, and Major Depressive Disorder. It is an alternative approach to those who can't afford a therapist but are looking for ways to manage these mental disorders without medicated drugs. My podcast offers tips and tricks on how to change the way you think, similar to CBT training, however, there has to be a lot of work done on the listener's end. If interested, here is the spotify link (should be free to listen to):
\*\*\* I am not a certified therapist or a doctor but rather offer guidance to improve your overall mental health. The podcast consists of both my opinion and proven research.
[https://open.spotify.com/show/3gFisoc5Iw860uNUQo5OWf?si=2916a07815614fb6](https://open.spotify.com/show/3gFisoc5Iw860uNUQo5OWf?si=2916a07815614fb6)
| 1 |
I can’t take my antidepressants without getting sick
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A couple months ago I overdosed on a bottle of lexapro and a handful of melatonin. I didn’t go to the ER even though I should’ve. Now I can’t take the pill without my stomach cramping from it and getting nauseous. I’ve stopped taking it and now I’m going through depressive episodes. But on the bright side I’ve been able to stick with my job to be able to get consistent paychecks even though I would rather lie down and sleep forever.
| 1 |
Treatment Resistant Depression - Running out of options
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I don’t know if this is to vent or what but here goes.
First time poster. I am a 35 year old male and was diagnosed with MDD as a 15 year old. I was given Zoloft and all was well. For some unknown reason, the family doctor switched all of us (My whole family has clinical depression to varying degrees) to Effexor XR when I was 19. Still, it controlled my depression so I was fine with it.
In 2015 I caught a really, REALLY severe case of Viral Meningitis that caused severe encephalitis. All my EEGs were wildly abnormal and I was completely nuts, totally out of touch with reality. This experience completely fried my brain. They never discovered the identity of virus that caused the infection but I was hospitalized for over a month while my medical team hoped the virus would clear and the swelling around my brain would normalize. It eventually did and I was discharged home. The recovery out of the hospital was worse than my scattered memories of my time in the hospital. I physically could not fall asleep and after three weeks of begging was finally given Trazadone (thank God) along with my steady stream of my newly prescribed opioid pain killers and Valium. Over the next two months I slowly recovered from the worst of it. I got off the opioids but still take trazadone to this day. I went back to work and tried to begin life again.
However, I was not the same person I was before the meningitis. Anxiety (which had never been a problem for me before) joined my depression, which sadly was no longer responding to the Effexor. I found a great psychiatrist and we have tried almost everything with no effect. Welllbutrin, Zoloft again, Seroquel,Mirtazapine, Lamictal, Pramipexole, Lexapro, pretty much everything under the sun. The next two years was just a roller coaster of meds and shitty side effects. I eventually was given Xanax which at least kept me functional despite the fact I am completely chemically dependent on it now. I did a whole round of TMS and felt nothing. I am now classified as “Treatment Resistant.”
My psychiatrist is frustrated and said to me that beyond a few more drugs and possibly MAOIs, ECT is where we are headed. I am not against ECT but I am absolutely just exhausted fighting this battle. It’s been seven years living like this. I make it to work and excel there but I feel like I have withdrawn from life. I was always the social butterfly but now I just sleep my weekends away. I recently started going back to therapy and am doing ketamine infusions but I just feel stagnant and I can’t see myself doing this forever. I don’t want to die but I definitely don’t want to continue living like this.
In addition to my Effexor, Trazadone and Xanax my psychiatrist just prescribed me Caplyta, which is relatively new and based on what I have read, used primarily for Bipolar Depression. I pray to God it works because I don’t want to just exist anymore. I want to get back to living my life.
Does anyone have positive experiences with ECT? Is there something I have missed? I feel like I am running out of road here. Any outside insight would be welcome.
| 6 |
I feel relaxed today
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Maybe it's the weather...it's cloudy and kind of a relief from the scorching heat...I feel nostalgic in a good way...feels nice :)
| 5 |
What's the point?
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​
Every day is just the same miserable slog. i eat the same foods, take the same roads, do the same tasks at work until they let me go.
Every night i stare at the walls and remember every failure. What is there to dream about when you don't care if you see the next day.
Nothing ever changes; nothing ever gets better.
Why keep going at all?
| 14 |
Can you remember the last time when you felt truly happy?
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I personally recovered from severe social and future anxiety. Thinking back at the time where I was constantly waking up in the middle of the night, sweating with my heart racing from anxiety, I remember that I rarely ever felt close to being happy or looking forward to the future. I know how hard it is to go through something like this, so maybe I can be of some help? You don't have to go through this alone.
| 8 |
I just would like someone who can talk to me please
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I just stopped the medication (deanxit) and I felt not good. I can’t explain well. Please someone talk to me.
| 6 |
Why do I think everyone is out to get me.
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TDLR: why do I constantly think that the people in my life secretly hate me? Has anyone else experienced this?
Over the last few years it’s gotten worse but I somehow always think everyone around me and in my life doesn’t like me or is lying to be about everything. Like, for example, I’m in cosmo school and my manager came in to be my first haircut ! Super sweet right ? I did her cut and I was nervous obviously, it came out cute but I had such intense anxiety that I felt like I messed up. She went home and sent me a picture of it styled and was telling me how much she loved it. I go into work the next day and I can’t help but think everyone is talking bad about me and the haircut. My manager was in her office on a phone call and i was thinking to myself “she probably went and got it cut by someone else to fix it and is hiding from me” but no she was just .. on a call.
Long story short, my mind does this to me all the time. And it may sound like it’s not that serious but I literally struggle sooo much with it and it effects my life tremendously. I constantly feel like everyone hates me and doesn’t want me around or makes fun of me behind my back or something. I’ve been trying to get therapy but US health care is not on my side lately. Idk what to do :(
| 2 |
Functioning in life seems impossible.
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I was diagnosed with both anxiety and depression at a very young age. All my life I’ve been sheltered and isolated because of the severe anxiety, I let it dictate my life for years. Now that I’m becoming an adult, (19) I want to feel like I can live my life without feeling like everything and everyone is out to get me. I see a therapist I’ve been seeing for years (psychotherapy) and I recently got on medication; it was really helping with my mood at first but now it’s been weird and I’m afraid it’s not helping as much anymore. I’ve made a lot of progress with my mental health over the past decade, I can go out into public and speak to strangers when prompted, but I’m still terrified and barely leave my house. I don’t drive, I’ve lost a lot of friends due to other circumstances but largely from my self isolation (it feels so hard to keep up with people, I’m either too depressed and exhausted to get out of bed or too anxious to put myself into social situations. It feels easier to be alone.) I don’t talk to the majority of my family because of the toxicity and untreated mental illness. The only people I talk to are my dad and my therapist. I feel like I’m drowning, I’m so lonely but I feel paralyzed when it comes to going out and meeting people. I try to work against it, but it feels frustrating, and so so exhausting. It’s hard to want to put in the work to my exposure therapy when it seems like the only results I get are eating at me. I’m so scared of what’s ahead of me and I fear that I won’t be able to live a fulfilling life. My anxiety seems like the only constant in my life and I’m finding it harder to care about progress, I’m so tired of being afraid and I still feel like I’m at square one. What am I even fighting for? Sorry for the weird layout, I’m on mobile.
| 1 |
The Problem with School and Sleep.
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So, I (17f) am a senior in high school. I used to sleep super well, never woke up. But within a three weeks of starting senior year, I sleep maybe 3-4 hours ever night.
Spring break was last week, I slept so great. And then the night before we went back to school, I was up at midnight and didn’t go back to sleep.
I’m just not sure how to handle this mess. School makes me so anxious that I can’t sleep at night. I can hardly go to class. I just feel so overwhelmed, but I do almost nothing.
I go to 2/4 classes, but for the most part I just stay in the office and do my work.
| 2 |
Facing your fear
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So I’ve finally took up meditation mindfulness. If I’m facing things I fear, is it normal that at first even do I’m doing it that it’s terrifying and making my head really sore. Will these feelings subside the more I do something? Honest opinions please.
| 1 |
How do I stop thinking about things that bother me?
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The majority of my anxiety is uncontrollable but a main driving factor lately has been thinking about things that bothered me in the past, specifically things where other people did/said something negative to me.
For example, we were boarding a plane and after I finished scanning my boarding pass and was walking through the tunnel I stopped in the middle of it to wait for my sister (she was suppose to be the next person to scan her boarding pass). Upon waiting, some dude walking with his wife was like “dude you look so creepy just standing there” then they laughed as they walked to the plane. I didn’t say anything as I’m not confrontational and avoid talking to ppl because of my anxiety. Now mind you, to be fair, when he said it he was smiling, so the dude could’ve just been joking with me. Fast forward months later it’s one of the things I keep thinking about, thoughts of “I should’ve confronted him” and “how could I let him get away with talking to me like that” then I try to make myself feel better by brushing it off as the dude really was just joking -hence how he was smiling when he said it.
Wow, I know I seem pathetic. But yeah guys, any advice? How do I get over thoughts like this and stop replaying them in my head over and over?
| 22 |
Should I be on medication?
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Recently I had a pretty bad muscle spasm in my back & was prescribed muscle relaxers to ease it. I noticed that I felt more normal & my brain wasn’t so loud when I was on them. I saw a few resources that said muscle relaxers are related to anxiety & depression medication. Should I talk to my doctor about this & discuss getting on medication?
| 1 |
Unnatural fears
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I have recently started having these fears on starting some meds again one ssri and another anti psychotic: fluoxetine and amisulpride.
I have been having this constant fear of becoming disabled or blind somehow.. I can't sometimes stop thinking about how I might get injured or lose function of some of my body parts and I can't stand being this way. I am hell scared. Lots of respect to all disabled people out there. But this is a fear of mine and I can't shake it off sometimes.. I just want to be free of it. And not think about how I'll continue after it I suffer some kind of injury or something. It's also true that many a times I have come across such articles in my feed on quora which probably has made me this way. Also I read me before you after watching the movie. Maybe that is what led all these ideas into my head and now anxiety is fuelling them? Please suggest me something so I can overcome these feelings?
| 1 |
I feel undesirable at times.
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I feel undesirable at times. My fiancé tells me that being natural is better but when I asked him then why do celebrities, models, porn stars, and athletes get attention, even if it’s just a quick glance, and he mentioned that they just have a certain Hollywood aesthetic about them but it doesn’t mean that I’m not unattractive…but it just makes me feel being “plastic” draws more attention.
| 4 |
finally going to the doctor.
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i’ve had the idea that i’ve had anxiety for awhile now. i’ve always been a ball of nerves due to trauma, but lately it’s been worse. i had two panic attacks last week & today, had a terrible debilitating one in front of my entire school. i had to come home because i couldn’t calm down. tomorrow i’m finally going to the doctor to get checked out and maybe start meds or going to therapy. i’m relieved but also extremely anxious.
share some experiences to ease my soul?
or share some motivational words since i have to go back to school tomorrow?
| 6 |
I Hate The Noise In My Head!
|
I hate that I push myself to be or feel alone. There's so much in my head that it seems that it's never quiet. So, in this, I appreciate being alone. At least long enough to gather my thoughts. I know I'm not the only one who feels this, but in my head, I feel so alone in my feelings. It's so incredibly difficult for me to talk about what exactly goes on in my head because it changes and with it how I feel. Sometimes, at my worst, I feel the physical pain of my anxiety. I went to therapy when I was younger and on medication found myself closer to suicide than ever. I've been told I should try again, but I'm too scared that I'll go back to that place.
| 13 |
Extreme pain
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Have you ever been in such pain that you felt like your chest is literally burning .I felt this way again today it's unbearable last time i had this feeling when my depression started 2years ago does that mean this is season 2 of my depression or what .But really i'm terrified i don't want to feel the way i did i can't support these feelings again .
| 4 |
Girlfriend with Anxiety and Depression broke up with me
|
Hello,
Her and I started dating roughly 6 months ago and at the beginning we really hit it off. She is a beautiful soul and so loving. We were brutally honest with each other and shared our pasts. She told me she was in an accident as a baby and head trauma and has an addict father. She’s suffered with Anxiety/Depression in the past which lead to failed relationships and feeling alone. Her last major episode of depression/anxiety (2 years ago) she saw a therapist and got on meds. She didn’t like the meds at all and slowly stopped taking them however, her feelings of extreme anxiety and depression went away.
The first few months of our relationship, I noticed there was always some sort of drama surrounding her i.e. cousin stealing from her, family member going to jail, coworker issues, etc. To be fare it wasn’t her fault but it seemed as if this was a normal thing. I also noticed that she would need a lot of reassurance about the future. She has very deep emotions and talks about marriage and having a family could trigger a sad mood. Often times she would tell me she needs time alone and doesn’t know why she is feeling what she is feeling.
Unfortunately, I’m stubborn and we got into a few fights early on. More fights than what is healthy. I would react poorly to her emotions. She would get into sad moods I didn’t understand. I took it personal. The past few months of our relationship was rocky, her mood steadily declined to the point she didn’t want to be around me or talk to me.
We met last week and she was in bad mental shape. Sh told me she needs to be alone and doesn’t think its fare for me to wait. I told her Id be there for her. She told me she doesn’t want lose me. I texted her everyday since then to tell her I loved her and Im here for her. Today she told me it’s too overwhelming and wants to try work on being friends (text message). I told her I’d leave her alone and that my line is open if she ever wants to talk. I said I love you and support you.
I’m lost right now and don’t know how to feel.
| 6 |
Not the time for a mental breakdown
|
So i have exams this week and today it was hard something really bad happened to me but it's not the time to be devastated i don't know what to do or how to have the strength to deal with my exams i just want to lay in bed and cry continuously.
| 2 |
I feel so lonely and trapped because of this
| null | 2 |
Stupid anxiety question
|
So is it good if someone says “See ya” after (and after hanging out in a group setting) you tell everyone goodbye despite not talking to that specific person that much?
| 5 |
What is bugging you the most right now about your anxiety/depression?
|
I feel like most of us don't feel understood by the people around us and so we rarely ever talk about what is going on inside of us, even though we want to share it just to get it off our chest.
This here could be your safe space where you can just share some of the things that are very challenging for you right now.
| 18 |
Calming oneself
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I can not for the life of me stop worrying right now. Without going into details I’m just worried and I’m trying to calm my heart down, it feels like I’m going to have a panic attack, I’ve tried Googling the help I can’t just stop this horrible feeling
| 1 |
Does anyone else's family not notice there's something wrong?
|
Maybe from the outside it seems like I'm functioning fine but I've mentioned a couple times how I wish I wasn't born or how life is meaningless or how I was thinking of joining a therapy group. I don't study at all for college and my mom knows I've been failing all my classes but I guess she's still unsuspecting. Even if I have days where I mostly stay in bed she asks if I'm sick or unwell.
| 4 |
Panic
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Today I woke up feeling somber then it turned into anxiety. Maybe it is because I have a driving assessment tomorrow ? I feel it’s actually a culmination of multiple things. I’m just scared and can’t relax
| 1 |
Does anyone else spend whole days in bed with the blinds closed
|
Today I got up and the hopeless feelings were overwhelming, ate some breakfast, had a smoke and now I’m just in bed in the middle of the afternoon with blackout blinds covering the sun. Spring is coming and it makes me so sad that I can’t enjoy it
| 90 |
Just struggling to stay ugliest it seems…
|
Hi, this isn’t a post searching for advice… or anything, just a person struggling through one of the worst times in their life emotionally, searching for reassurance or positivity.
I’ve been extremely depressed and anxious and stressed and I’m scared it may actually lead to a breakup between my long time partner and I… just looking for people out there that could be a little uplifting in this dark time in my life. Thank you to anyone who does, I really truly appreciate it ❤️
| 7 |
I’m not proper depressed but I would like someone to talk to I’m to scared to talk to my friends about with how they might react please message as I just need someone to talk to. Thanks.
| null | 5 |
I’m documenting it
|
If you’re interested in checking out my agoraphobia exposure experience as an extroverted introvert. I’d love for you to check out my TikTok
outsidewithyou
I am going outside once a day till it feels normal and bringing the cam as my coping tool. Let me know what you think!
| 6 |
Holiday anxiety
|
Does anyone else think they need a holiday, only to book it, spend hard earned cash, then get indirectly anxious and irritable in the run up and then feel anxious whilst on holiday and just wishes they'd stayed at home?
Recently booked a skiing trip and during the holiday just felt exhausted and anxious the entire time and just looked forward to going home?
I usually feel like part of my own personal cure to my anxiety/depression woes is to just force myself to carry on to atleast aid my wellbeing, but holidays now just seem like a chore and an inconvenience where I make myself uncomfortable and step out my comfort zone and the reward seems minimal!
Any advise or people with similar feelings? Feel like if I don't want to go on holiday maybe I just shouldn't, but then that goes against my carry on attitude to get on with life
| 5 |
Health Anxiety
|
It has been a constant thing now that epigastric pain and indigestion scare me that it's a heart attack. I'v heard alot that heart attack symptoms in women can be atypical and just epigastric pain or heartburn/indigestion can be the only sign. I'm soooo exhausted with this thought
| 3 |
I don’t like myself very much
|
I don’t have a real identity or any talents, The personality I do have Is like a shattered broken one you find in a dirty dumpster that is filled with dumpster juice. Just sucks
| 3 |
Long goodbyes suck
|
My health condition is deteriorating and my appearance as well (tissues severly harmed by medical negligence) I can’t learn to live this way, it’s too much, too much pain, constantly fearing what else will happen with my face and body. I decided to end my life, by my own hand or by assisted suicide but I can’t help feeling sad and heartbroken. I’m trying to enjoy the last days with my husband and mother but I can’t and it makes me so frustrated. And in the end it never feels like a good moment for ending it all.
| 7 |
Weighted blanket for insomnia or anxiety
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Has anyone used a weighted blanket for insomnia and/or anxiety? Has it helped?
| 6 |
Weird anxiety 😔
|
I had a fear of a customer somehow poisoning my coffee but it was behind the counter and I don’t think the guy went behind the counter lol
Ahhh 😕
| 3 |
High functioning depressive, barely holding on. How are you doing it?
| null | 5 |
Walk in GPs (UK)
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I have been trying to get an appointment with my GP to discuss my anxiety and cannot get an appointment no matter how hard I try or how many times I call - I don’t know if walk in GPs are an option for anxiety but I was wondering if there are any other options because I’m just really struggling and cannot get an appointment and every time I try is so emotionally draining and makes any feeling of panic I have so much worse because it feels like it’s never going to go away because no one will help me.
| 6 |
Anyone here have situational Depression/PTSD/Anxiety?
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Maybe your grandmother moved in with you and you took care of her for years before she passed away or maybe your wife/husband of 15 years just left you. Maybe you had to put your pet down or just lost your job and home. Or maybe it's many, multiple things like these.
So now your life is just a shell of what it once was and you can barely function and feel like your shell-shocked and have lost all hope. You sit around all day feeling super-depressed while you surf your phone, stare at the wall and woefully eat your cheese sandwitch (because thats all you have the energy to make). Nothing left but broken dreams and memories of the life you once had.
Anyone been there?.
| 12 |
Starting to hate most men and most ppl
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I'm constantly kind of being teased that's how it feels like. Like I'll get just a taste of a potential getting into a relationship with a man and than they do me soooo wrong. My mum told me I should instantly walk away but I'm sick of it. Last person I thought we really connected well but the guy decided to vomit his stress all on me and didn't even give me a chance to be myself just called me a bunch of names. His character is almost possessed tbh. I was willing to forgive him etc than he just cut me off. Even tho I held boundaries he still cut me off. Feels like I despise most men. This pattern is ongoing and I'm drained. I'm drained of always being mugged off. I'm drained of the million times I have gotten rejected. Life is really really testing me cause I'm close to committing suicide. Specifically fed up of men never investing in me. They just want the prize without the investment. Not to mention how badly badly abusive they r. I just came out of a 3 Yr old rel 5 months ago abusive and pshycally abusive and mental abusive rel. What happened next in my life? Went on a date. The man was married (later caught him) he mugged me off than ghosted me. Than after that I liked a guy and he didn't wanna know even tho he knew we had a good connection. Than now start of January I decide to talk to a guy I like he lives abroaf. The same on and off energy, doesn't wanna invest he abused me verbally aswell. If life is gonna continue being this way. I don't want nothing out of it literally id be nothing but happy to unalive myself. I have no issue with that at all haha
| 17 |
Socially drained all the time
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Lately I’ve just been so drained from the work week. All I wanna do is hang out by myself on the weekends. Part of me wants to socialize but the anxiety is so annoying to deal with. I freeze up at bars and other social events unless I get extremely drunk or high off Xanax. I feel so lonely for not ever being in a romantic relationship before but, this world molded me this way. No way to go through life like this it makes me feel paralyzed. I’m pretty close to God but I’m living in hell rn. Been thinking about getting more help at a facility but, I can’t afford it myself and don’t want my parents to pay if it won’t help me. I’ve already put them through so much in the past. Anyone in this situation rn?
| 6 |
Does and did Depression change you? Because it feels like it changed my personality and everything about me.
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Last year in June I had depression and it was bad but I feel like it changed me in a lot of ways, but in January of this year I got depressed again and still have it, and when I got it this year it really changed me, I don’t talk to much people anymore (besides my family) haven’t done things with friends in a long time. And my personality has changed, back then I was shy but kind and soft and always motivated to get better at my art and animation. I loved to text my friends, but now I feel nothing I feel so empty so sad and critical, and disappointed. I always wanted to be a good artist and animator and trued to make the artist that I look up to proud and to be just like them someday, but that was years ago i said that, and now I just don’t care my art still looks bad and looks nothing like there art I feel like i felled the artist I look up to. And my animation as well doesn’t look good at all I always wanted to be animator it was my dream to be one, and I feel like I felled at that as well. And now I feel so empty I just don’t want to do anything and just lay in my room all day
| 11 |
Rejected by my therapist
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My therapist told me she doesn’t see sense in continuing because I don’t seem ready for therapy. But so far she’s just told me go to the cinema or museum to get out of home. I’ve told her I don’t really care for movies or museums, and last time I did those things were with my late husband, so there’s the emotional baggage doing those things I never really cared for. And that makes me untreatable? Feeling completely deflated and hopeless. It’s like help doesn’t exist for me.
| 39 |
Panicking about Work
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I work in tech as an automation tester. I was a programmer for years, but thought I would be happier doing this. I was wrong. Last year before this change my company had a change in management that made me feel I should leave, so I jumped to a company that offered me my present position. I checked them out, some bad Glassdoor reviews but not for the work I was doing.
I can tell now I made a huge mistake.
The first weeks training was non existent the 2 people that were training us were contractors that were getting replaced by me and another person, and as such weren't helpful.
Then I got bounced from team to team for months
Finally, I got put on my current team which is managed by a director. So a higher up.she has done weekly one-on-ones since December and in them she has torn me to bits. Saying things like "you are a senior I expect more" when I have been a senior and at a much larger company for over half a decade. All of this was documented by her in a Google doc attached to the meeting.
Of course I started applying for jobs in November I got a few last round interviews but nothing clicked. A month ago j got an offer that was a steep pay cut, if I had known what was next I would have taken it.
3 weeks ago she came into a team meeting. She declared that she fired a team of contractors (tbf they were bad) but then she followed it up with saying that she will be keeping an eye out on everyone on a sprint by sprint basis. I knew she had her eyes on me.
A week later she gave me my annual eval. Missed expectations, the following day a pdf copy said to meet new goals in 3 weeks or I get a performance improvement plan. Basically the last step to fired.
For the last week and a half I've done all I can, which is not really enough, because a lot of my work is blocked by other people. The other day she asked for a report on a new format, it was slightly wrong and she called a meeting after I was off to discuss it with some others that have to do it too. When I asked if she had personalized feedback about it she said "yes I have feedback for you I will give it to you at our next 1:1" I meant the report, she meant for just me.
Now it is the weekend and I am feeling sick thinking she is going to PIP me early. Also, I interviewed with HR at a company I worked at six years ago and I mentioned to a person I worked their with who is the hiring manager that thos company is doing layoffs and I was reapplying and can they recommend me, and I never heard back and feel I screwed up my chances there
I cannot go a minute without thinking about it. I have lost About 5 lbs this week, I am taking sleeping pills after going 2 weeks with minimal sleep. I don't know what to do
| 1 |
What are some common misconceptions about anxiety that you think people have?
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I find that some friends or family, don't know how serious anxiety or panic attacks are. It's very hard for me to explain to someone who never had it. they think it's something that is not really a serious matter sometimes.
| 5 |
14 years of dealing with severe anxiety has been exhausting
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Before I start, I want to emphasize the significance of consulting your doctor before making any decisions related to your mental well-being or medication.
I was always a shy kid. The kind of kid that avoided making eye contact and rarely spoke unless spoken to. As I grew older, my shyness turned into something much more debilitating. I evolved into someone who was consumed by darkness that robbed me of my ability to live a normal life.
During this period I didn't know much about mental health and it was tough for me to talk about my thoughts and feelings. I was scared that people would make fun of me or think I was weak. I didn't want anyone to judge me and think I was broken.
In 2006, at the age of 13, I was dealt a crushing blow when I was diagnosed with a cruel quartet of mental health struggles: severe anxiety, body dysmorphic disorder (BDD), obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), and depression. These debilitating conditions made each day an unbearable burden, every moment a suffocating struggle, every social interaction a source of terror, leaving me feeling helpless, alone, and desperate for a way out.
This is where the “Medication Trials” start.
Over the course of 14 years I was on and off many different medications such as Prozac, Zoloft, Trazodone, Celexa, Paxil, Effexor, Cymbalta, Remeron, Lorazepam, amongst approximately 10-15 more but these were the ones I remember at first thought.
The meds seemed more like a band-aid fix rather than a real solution, as I was never able to fully shake off what I was feeling. Majority of them made me feel very high, sleepy, increased suicidal thoughts and many of them had the same side effect of giving me blurred vision, which was super annoying to deal with. I also tried Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) but didn’t notice much help after I would leave the sessions.
At this time I was constantly searching for something that would make me feel normal again. While watching old bodybuilding documentaries on YouTube, I felt a spark of inspiration igniting within me. It was as if my engine was revving, eagerly waiting for me to push down on the gas pedal and take action.
In that moment I realized that what I was feeling inside stemmed from me not being happy with the way my body looked. I wasn’t able to pull back the curtain of my thoughts far enough to realize that this was the root of my problems. This is very different from a Doctor telling you a diagnosis, to you actually fully realizing this yourself, an “Ah-Hah moment”.
This is where things change.
I started doing 100 pushups - 4 sets of 20 each morning, along with doing bicep curls with some resistance bands I had purchased online before I showered and ate breakfast. I did this for the next 3 months, 5 days a week, while taking the weekends off to rest. I also started to be conscious of the foods I put in this machine of a body. Let's get real here, a big part of how our body looks like is from what we eat/drink. If you had your dream car, say a Lamborghini for example, would you fill it up with the worst type of gas? Or would you want to fill it up with the best gas to make sure it’s running at full capacity. Think of your body this way and you’ll be more aware of what you put into it.
After 3 months I started to get some compliments here and there from family members that I haven’t seen awhile. They noticed that my arms were leaner, my face was more slender, my double chin was now a single chin, and my beer belly gut was a lot smaller. This was the first time in a long time that I didn’t feel like I wanted to die anymore. Hope was growing inside of me.
After 6 months, I noticed an improvement in my mental and physical health. However, I still felt anxious about joining my local gym and started to feel like my usual workouts weren't as effective as they once were. Seeking a solution, I turned to Google for inspiration and stumbled upon a piece of fitness equipment that caught my attention. It was a water-filled bag with colored dye, promising a workout experience like no other. Intrigued by the Google ad, I ordered the fitness bag.
When the fitness bag arrived, I filled it with water, added dye, and pumped it up with air using the included pump. Eager to try it out, I attempted walking lunges with the bag positioned on the back of my shoulders - an exercise I had seen others do with this particular fitness bag.
The first set was a bit shaky due to the water moving back and forth in the bag, but I quickly adapted and completed four sets. The sensation was unique and left my legs feeling wobbly, which was a great feeling that I hadn't experienced with my usual workouts. The ever-shifting weight distribution in the bag made each step challenging and unpredictable, providing a stimulating workout experience.
After incorporating the bag and resistance bands into my workouts, I was able to do a full-body routine that included deadlifts, chest press, shoulder press, lunges, bicep curls, and tricep extensions. This piece of equipment not only helped me to sculpt my physique but also enabled me to perform exercises that I otherwise couldn't do at home.
At the 1-year mark, the mental health issues I was dealing with had dramatically decreased to the point where I could join my local gym, and I did. I continued working out there for the next year and became good friends with the manager there. He saw my progress over time and actually offered to get me certified as a personal trainer if I would work at his gym. I gladly accepted the offer and still work evenings there till this day.
After two years of exercising regularly, I felt great! So, with my doctor's approval, I started to taper down my medication. At first, I had trouble sleeping and my appetite was a bit off, but things got better after a few weeks. Being disciplined with my workout and eating regimen helped to keep me on track during those weeks.
Now, I've been into fitness for just over three years and it has truly saved and changed my life. I'm in control and don't let my thoughts and emotions hold me back from doing what I want, I push through them. It's been a year since I stopped taking medication and my doctor has noticed how much better I feel mentally and physically. She even asked me to start training her at my gym.
I used to have a lot of negative thoughts about how I looked, which made me feel anxious and depressed all the time. But now, I can look in the mirror and feel happy with what I see. I'm so much more confident than I used to be.
My body dysmorphic disorder made it hard for me to spend time with my loved ones and do things that most people find enjoyable. But now, I'm hardly ever at home because I love going out and doing things like taking walks in my neighborhood. It's the little things that bring me the most joy.
My Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) was related to my Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD), and I used to feel the need to touch and check my stomach fat many times a day. But now, thanks to my body transformation, those obsessive thoughts and actions no longer exist within me.
I felt like the depression was the outcome of dealing with my other three mental health issues. I used to struggle with suicidal thoughts, getting out of bed in the morning, had low energy, constant fatigue, poor eating habits, and negative self-talk. But now, I can't wait to start my day with a fresh perspective. My energy levels are pretty high throughout the day, my eating habits have improved, and I no longer suffer from suicidal thoughts and negative self-talk.
After 14 years of dealing with severe anxiety, I was finally able to break free from the mentally suffocating chains that held me hostage. I no longer suffer from severe anxiety, body dysmorphic disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder and depression. I lost 63lbs and now have a body that I’m so happy and proud of.
If you're someone who is struggling with any kind of mental health issue, then getting into fitness may be a viable option for you. Please note that I am not suggesting that the method I used will necessarily cure your condition.
And for those looking to start working out at home, these 2 pieces of equipment genuinely helped me out and I hope they do the same for you:
Fitness bag - [https://fitfanatics.co/products/the-fitness-aqua-bag](https://fitfanatics.co/products/the-fitness-aqua-bag)
Resistance bands - [https://fitfanatics.co/products/fitness-resistance-bands](https://fitfanatics.co/products/fitness-resistance-bands)
Just remember that however you are currently thinking and feeling at this moment can be changed if you’re not happy with it. Remember that the tough days prepare you for the good ones, and in the end the good days always outweigh the bad ones. Know that you ARE truly amazing, you ARE beautiful, and you CAN be anything or anyone you want to be. Visualize your end result and put in the work to make it come true.
Thanks for reading.
| 3 |
is there any free online psychiatrist sessions available?
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I am from india, is there any free online therapy sessions i can use? Here it costs about 700 to 2000 rupees per hour and i need to knlw whether there is any website available because im getting desperate
| 1 |
anyone else switched their major multiple times because you're so quick to give up when difficulties arise and you just can't focus? because same
| null | 4 |
I showered today, after a whole month!
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it was extremely hard being naked for about an hour, but hey i did it !
I scrubbed so many thick layers of skin off of myself. the last few times i showered before this i didnt scrub my body in an attempt to end the shower faster so there was ALOT of dead skin
i feel a tiny bit lighter :)
| 110 |
I Quit using Drugs!! Now what??
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Any advice would be greatly appreciated
| 13 |
I regret an internet post so much
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I made a hurtful comment when I was 14 on a tiktok as a joke, then the creator replied with a video that got almost 60k views, this happened in 2020, but it revealed my face, first and last name I regret it so much and I break down whenever I think about it, this all happened in 2020 but it still crosses my mind. I hate myself so much for that. I have honestly considered suicide because of it.
| 14 |
How to stop yourself from beeing suecidal when falling in love?
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Every time i fall in love i start overthingting so much. I become vain and start hating myself more and more untill i become suecidal. This is the third time.
I have had a quite traumatic childhood where i was critizized for all i did, and bullied by my own family. In school i was also called ugly, and they had difrent names for me, pointing out my hips, nose and my looks in general.
Now, every time i start liking a girl i feel like i dont deserve her. Even if she makes it obvious she likes me, i feel like i dont deserve her, so i push her away. I get to the point where i dont want to live anymore. How do i avoid this mindset?
| 2 |
Unexplainable thing🤷
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What does this thing means when I caught of like a glimpse in my mind that's like a memory or something I have to do. But It'll just pass to my mind for 2 seconds and after that I'll forget it completely and I try to remember it like "what was that?". Now It can't get off my mind like it's something so Important I should try to recall but I can't. This is a problem I've been experiencing lately, I would be grateful if someone is able to explain what this thing means.
| 2 |
I feel im too much
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I’ve always had a low self esteem. When i was a kid i used to think im ugly and have nothing cool or original about me. i used to think im unlovable and that no one could ever love me. i used to hurt myself too because i felt physical pain was more bearable than the mental anguish i felt. over time i tried to take the fake it till i make it approach and kinda just pushed all these feelings to the back of my mind, and was fine for a bit. but recently ive again started experiencing the ‘im too much for people’ and ‘no one could ever love me’ maybe its cos im pretty lonely these days. i don’t have any genuine deep connections, no one who prioritises me. i cry a lot. everyday i cry. im also v image conscious so i dont share a lot with my friends, i physically cant bring myself to do that.
| 2 |
I feel my stress is growing to big to handle and I don't know what to do
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I just graduated high school in May and plan on going to college in the fall. However, I am only now starting to do the things required for that. I've had my driving permit for the past 3 years because my mom says that I needed a job before I can get my license. I got a job recently so I finally got to take my test, but I failed because of a stupid fucking crosswalk. I'm super overweight and I just can't manage to stop myself from eating. I have to keep doing my little brother's chores because he's never home. I try to get together with my friends but they're never available. I feel like there's just so much pressure to do everything and I don't think I can take it. I've struggled with depression in the past, but I was managing fine with it for a while. I went to see a therapist once s few years ago, but I never got the chance to schedule a second appointment. I used to cut myself but I managed to stop, but this stress is just too much. I don't know how I can go on. I feel like my head's going to explode and I just need some form of release.
| 6 |
Is there a way to get free therapy online?
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I cant efford a psychologist right now, and am mentally tired,
I have several mental issues making my life difficult
_mental complexes
_ social anxiety
_Cptsd
_stuttering
_addiction
_overthinking
_suicidal thoughts
_low self esteem
_my voice got damaged due to long years of depression and stress
Am tired, Is there a way i can get therapy online?
| 2 |
There's something wrong with me...
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TW: sh, some sexual content, body image
I have an objectively good life. I don't have any real things to stress about because I'm not an adult yet and nothing traumatic has happened to me. Sometimes I wish something did happen to me though so I could justify feeling the way I do.. But since there's nothing I am forced to accept that there is something wrong with me. I'm either exaggerating my feelings for attention or I'm just so incredibly weak that I can't even properly deal with something easy.
When I am in what appears to be a depressive episode, I want to stay in it. I try to think about my insecurities and things that upset me so I can stay down for longer. After a week or so of that I start to feel better, but I don't want to be better. I just want to stay feeling bad about myself and life. That can't be normal, there has to be something wrong with me.
On top of that, I'm just a bad person. I don't want to be, but I keep finding myself hurting the people I care about. I often get bored or annoyed when I have a conversation with one of my friends about his interests. But I'm completely engaged when we're talking about me. I feel like a really selfish friend for that. And with some other friends, we talk about my feelings and my mental health a lot. I don't want to take up the whole conversation, and in the moment I seem to have no regard for how me talking about myself might affect them. Sometimes I want to push everyone away so they don't have to deal with me anymore. And I feel like I have no intrinsic value. I am only what I can do for other people. Depressing, sure, but that doesn't make it less true. Why else would anyone want to be around me? It's happened several times before, why shouldn't it happen again?
Sometimes I try to punish myself. A lot of people online ask me to do sexual stuff with them and I just do it even though I don't want to. I let them do whatever they want because their happiness matters more than my discomfort. And I think about hurting myself a lot. I fantasize about cutting up my forearm and my thighs. I tried it a few times but it doesn't really count. They weren't even cat scratches, that's how light they were. They didn't bleed and only once did it even break skin. Usually I just do it long enough to feel some pain and leave a red mark that goes away in a day. I wanted to do more but I chickened out, I was too afraid.
Also I used to be obese and I lost some weight and got to a normal range, then I gained some more weight and now I'm overweight again. I feel so bad looking at myself and I want to lose some more weight. My eating habits are somehow bad on both ends of the spectrum. I try to eat under 1200 calories a day and I sometimes do, but I also eat a lot of unhealthy food and usually end up overeating. I visited a pro-ana site to motivate myself and get some tips. What I saw was disturbing but oddly inspirational. I've been wanting to do some of the stuff I read about, but hopefully without the horrible effects of anorexia because I'm not nearly dedicated or strong-willed enough to commit to eating that little.
So because of all of that, there is clearly something wrong with me. Why can't I just be normal and have an appropriate reaction to what should be a good life? Why do I have to make such a big deal out of everything? I don't even know why I'm posting this. Maybe I'm hoping the people here might know what's wrong with me so I can fix it.
| 6 |
My life is falling apart and I am considering suicide
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I just need to vent. I’m 25, Full time employed in the healthcare sector for the past 6 years. I’m in Debt of more than £4,000 which will increase due to me needing to take out a loan to give my dad a nice funeral which he deserves. I have so many bills that I can barely make minimum payments. I am about to get fired from my second job which is vital in terms of paying my bills and debt. I have a severe opiate addiction as well as a history of abusing cocaine,cannabis,benzos and Pregabalin. My father commited suicide last week. I blame myself for it. I have severe anxiety and depression. Recently prescribed Sertraline and referred for CBT. I have accepted the fact that I will never get married, have kids, have my own home. I have made so many mistakes in my life and I now have to live with the consequences. I just can’t do it anymore. I keep looking at my bottle of Morphine and thinking this is it. I do like life, I know I could be off worse. I just feel I will never get out of this shitstorm of a situation I have gotten myself into. I don’t even know if anything I said makes sense as my mind is completely blank.
Edit: I just got off the phone with HMRC ( UK Tax department). They said I owe £600 in tax which will be deducted in my next payslip. That means I can’t afford the flights to my dads funeral. This was the final straw. I think I’m ready to go after my dads funeral. 2023 will be my last. Enough is enough. I can’t do it anymore. I think I need to go to the emergency department cause I’m loosing it right now
| 59 |
No matter how I imagine my future I see myself ending my own life
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I try hard to imagine what my future might look like, imagine myself achieving things I want to achieve, but no matter what I see my cause of death being myself. I’m not really sure how to address this other than talking about it but that doesn’t make it go away. Even on good days I’ll still think that one day I will kill myself, it’s just a matter of when. All it will take is for several things to go wrong at once and not having the support from others I need and I’ll be gone just like that. This thought isn’t even upsetting to me, I’ve just kind of accepted that as something that will happen regardless if it actually will or not. I wonder what it’s like to not think like this
| 11 |
I see you trying your best and it's more than enough. I'm so proud of you!
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Incase any of you needed that, here ya go :)
| 5 |
Everyone I know is depressed or super anxious, is this normal?
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Across my various friend groups I’ve come to find that those closest to me are either depressed or super anxious. These are all people I hold dearly and that at the start of our relationships were always (externally) very happy and positive.
As I’ve grown closer to my friends, I realize how truly depressed we all are.
Is this normal?
Is it me?
Is this something that’s common and I just hadn’t realized till now?
How do I support?
How do I stop myself from getting sucked into the same feelings?
| 5 |
I (27M) ate fast food at midnight in an abandoned parking lot at rock bottom financially & mentally
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I'm sure plenty of other people have struggled more with finances than I have and been in worse spots medically or mentally but I just wanted to vent
My situation is a little different in that I do have what could be considered a dream job ( fully remote, pays very well, small team and im respected)
I live at home so rent isn't an issue and I have friends that care about me hang out with me etc
​
But yesterday was also the day I see my credit card fully maxed out, my bank account literally hit negative ( overdrafted ofc, thanks bank of america), see that my bills are overdue on my medical, my car, see that I can't get insurance for the rest of the year
And realize that 5 years after college, I'm in a worse state than when i was a broke college student doing nothing productive but playing video games.
At this rate, I'll be never be able to buy a house, nor marry anybody, nor be able to LITERALLY DRIVE 500 miles up north to Canada to see some online friends that i've pushed plans to meet for almost 5 years now
Medically as well my future looks fked ( 100% gonna become Diabetic & cholestrol, family history + I'm extremely inactive, i can't even do 1 pushup for christ's sake)
I wish i could just turn off my brain/have ChatGPT control my actions and live my life for me. I'd never self-harm as that would cause too much stress to my loved ones, but this life does not seem worth enjoying/living anymore
​
/end rant
| 31 |
How do people become good at anything?
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It seems like everything I try I just lack the mental capacity or retention to actually be good at it. I find myself making the same mistakes, not learning anything about what I am doing, and just starting to become impatient after it's all said and done. I've been doing Pokemon VGC for months now, and I feel like I've made no progress. I still lose to not remembering that certain things are immune to things that I do, and even when trying others teams that are successful, I just hit a point where I just stop winning with it no matter how hard I try. Everyone seems to be a million steps ahead of me, and I'm just left wanting to hurt myself because I'm just going nowhere. It's like this with everything I do. Sometimes I notice I'm usually just off most days and I have a hard time absorbing details that are probably so obvious to others, and even trying to slow down and actually think about what I am doing never results in anything. I've just wondered if it might just be time to accept I'm never going to be good at anything, and I shouldn't even bother anymore.
| 6 |
My situation has spiralled even more. I took a combination of drugs and I don’t care what happens to me today
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I posted a few days ago about my situation. I’m in serious financial debt, my dad commited suicide last week by jumping out of the window. I got a call today from the tax department saying I owe £600 and it will be deducted in my next payslip. I won’t have money to fly over to my dads funeral. I have a severe opiate addiction too. I took too much earlier and I don’t care what happens to me now . It is what it is. I can’t deal with this anymore. Im about to have a psychotic break. 2023’will be my last. I have accepted this. God help me
| 1 |
Maintaining friendships with neurological disorder (hypersomnia/narcolepsy)
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Hi everyone! I'm searching for some advice and experiences from people who might be in the same boat.
So, for years I've been complaining about tiredness, poor memory, no focus, brainfog, etc... all that nasty stuff. I always felt like I'm living life in some kind of hazy dream. Recently I went to a neurologist for this and I possibly have narcolepsy or hypersomnia. The diagnostic process is still ongoing (so I'm not 100% sure yet that I really have it). Some days the symptoms are worse than others.
I have such a hard time maintaining (and making new) friendships because of this. Together with med school and problems at home, I often don't have the mental energy to hang out or text someone. Writing/reading *in particular* is hard because I often lose my train of thought, and simply can't come up with a thoughtful message. Honestly, It's got me really worried. I'm just feeling so overwhelmed.
I have planned a nice hiking trip for next week. I hope that'll help clear my mind a little! Does anyone have advice? Or similar experiences to share?
Thank you for your time! Have a nice day!
| 1 |
Does anyone else get cynical when depressed?
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Hi guys,
When my mental health is spiralling I have the tendency to withdraw from everyone. It usually happens when I feel betrayed or abandoned and It's partially to protect myself from others but also to ensure I don't emotionally dump on them, I'm not very comfortable with asking for help and care.
On occasion I become quite self destructive, convincing myself I don't need anyone in my life and that they don't need me. I call it "going dark-side" where I become full of self loathing and hatred and pull away from people who would genuinely care for me. I can go weeks without messaging people and deleting social media off my phone. Part of me needs this 'rest' period to stop dealing with other people's expectations. Sometimes I also feel like I want people to notice that I'm disappearing, yet also don't want them to call and message. It's very confusing.
I barely see or hear of people that go "dark-side" in this way, I hear stories of people who are much kinder when they are depressed.
How do you combat this when all you want to do is watch everything burn to hell?
| 1 |
OCD or anxiety? Or something 😢
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Weird contamination OCD fear of chemicals etc and a fear of them
Housemate had a gallon of gas or diesel or something and I walked by and I’m like “what if I put that in my coffee or something”
And I’m like WTF?? Why lol? Intrusive thoughts 😢😢?
| 1 |
Who here likes wearing black clothes?
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For me wearing black is an easy way to express how I feel (depressed) without sticking out too much. Who else here likes wearing black? Thanks.
| 17 |
Why is it hard to open up?
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Mostly throughout my life ive gone through verbal abuse and always grew up on the “men dont cry” or at least something like that. And I did believe it cause I mean us guys and men are supposed to be like the most masculine and not show weakness. But anyways I dont know why but crying is just strange to me not as in how but the way I cry and I dont understand
I cry in a what you would call it a “hiccup” way. It was always that way growing up getting yelled at. Whenever id cry it would feel like a hiccup and it holds me back from actually crying like bawling in a way. Why is this happening? Is it normal? or is it the verbal abuse I endured.
| 3 |
I'm lost and scared for my ex
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I've been struggling with depression and suicide since I met my recent ex but not because of her as many people would think, my ex is the kindest and sweetest person in the world with a big heart and cares about everyone. It's heart breaking and disgusting to admit this but unfortunately her family doesn't see that of her and honestly treat her with no respect. They physically and mentally abuse her till the point where suicide seems to be the only way out in her eyes, steal and break her things because they can for no reason, break her down till the point where she believes she deserves it. I've stopped her from taking her life so many times. Many people say in return why doesn't she just move out, I've tried to get a place yet no one will rent to me as I'm only 21, the nz government has turned her away as her situation in their eyes seem to not be a big enough problem, can't get or keep a job as she gets locked in her room for days on end or is best so bad that makeup can't cover it. I've seen women's refunds turn her away as they also don't see it as an emergency, have seen police turn their backs on her because her mother would lie and say it's her when I was there and never say her say something wrong or even blind out of place. It's broken her and in return has broken me seeing her being treated like that, I've tried and done everything to help her get out but everything I have tried has failed. I fear that I'll lose her if I don't do something soon, I can't use violence because when I'm not there she will just get beaten again. I'm so desperate for peace for her and stability that I have literally considered that if there was a devil that I'd sell my soul to help her. I don't want to lose her because this world would never be the same without her in it, I'd never forgive myself and I couldn't live on knowing that I didn't try my hardest. I've begged and cried to advice or help . Idk what to do anymore, my angle is chained to her suffering and I can't break them, I'm so deeply lost and drained of energy trying to keep her head up and keep her fighting, physically I've began to lose hair over the stress. I have no life outside of her and my work. I can't get a flat or apportionment because I'm still young and don't have enough records or revisions to help me. I know I can't leave this world because I'd be letting her down but what do I do to prevent her from leaving. It's fucked to say it but sometimes as much as I hate to think of it I wonder if she had to maybe she'd have peace. I love her to much to let her do it tho and I'd fight for her to stay alive. What do I do, I'm broken and lost fighting for a life that should have had better from the beginning. How can someone do such a thing to such a beautiful human, my anger and rage is built up that I want to hurt her older brother so bad but that won't fix anything as it's her whole family. What do I do x
| 1 |
I don't enjoy life
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So Im not depressed or suicidal right now. I've actually been fine for months
But I still don't really enjoy anything. Like I'm 18. Most people around my age are like working for the job they want or their our partying and dating.
But I don't really want to do that. Like I don't care about dating or having friends. There isn't any jobs I want I don't even really want money. Aside from basic necessitys and entertainment
I don't enjoy anything aside from smoking weed and watching TV. And playing games
I basically just distract myself all day until I go to sleep. I hate living like this but there isn't anything I want to do.
I'm not lazy I just have nothing to work towards.
Like everyone else I know seemingly loves life. They love doing shit and just existing. I don't, i think everything Is just "meh" I wish I was a normal person that liked hanging out with other people or having sex but I'm not. I don't enjoy life im just bored constantly.
Idk I just had to vent for a little bit. I'm probably gonna delete this later
| 6 |
my grandmother controls me too much
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no one in my family likes my grandmother due to her character . she infact turned my father's sibling against him and hates my father without any reason . i am the youngest in the family and i have an elder sister and she even tried to tur us apart. i liked her when i was a kid but after my grandfather passed away and when she began to live with us i came to know about her real character. she would always make me do her chores , insult me for wearing clothes i like even when i was a kid , called me ugly for cutting my hair, like she tried to control my every action, still badmouthed me . i am turnign 18 now and i thought enough is enough and avoided her as possible . i just respect her as my father's mother and avoids her when she strikes conversations fo which she curses me saying i will never be succesful in life and always remains failure . i am feeling guilty of avoiding her but i hate talking to her . she even harasses my pet dog who is my only comfort . even though my parents know all these thing they cant stand up against her as she once spread false rumor about my dad harassing her to our relatives who were waiting for something to come up.
| 3 |
Pregnant and can't leave
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(backstory)
Im 18 years old and 21 weeks pregnant with my first, before I was pregnant i was really struggling with my mental health, in and out of mental hospitals and SA almost everyday to cope. I was extremely self destructive. I was I've been clean for 5 months since I found out I was pregnant as motivation and I wasn't as depressed anymore till recently. When I told my father I was pregnant he kicked me out (almost 3 months ago) and I'm still currently living with my boyfriend and his family I've been doing well and my relationship with him was really wholesome, I was really looking forward to having our own little family I felt like I was dreaming.
Last night I couldn't sleep and his behavior with me has been really aggressive/nasty recently and I guess I just decided to look on his phone and i found out he's cheating on me with random girls on "Yubo" and still texting his ex and probably on Omegle too, he's pretending I don't exist and they don't know about me. I've confronted him in the past about texting his ex but I didn't find any flirting so I gave him the benefit of the doubt that he wouldn't do it again. I cried in the bathroom for an hour after seeing that and I almost relapsed, I'm so close to doing it even now. I don't know what to do I want to leave but have nowhere to go I've thought about contacting relatives that are a state away but I feel like he will guilt trip me into staying to "keep the family together". he knows that and is taking advantage of my vulnerability. I don't want to relapse I want to be clean before the baby is born but I'm at my limit I've never felt so alone and like i couldn't do anything I don't know if I have anymore strength left, courage, will to do something about it I feel like I'm just gonna sit and take it but relapse to cope. I don't know how to get out.
| 1 |
Valorant is really harmful
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I am an 18 year old kid and I have realised how truly bad shooting games are, especially valorant. In 2018 I first played fortnite and had been addicted to it for 2 yrs but my laptop broke down so I stopped playing that game and honestly after that my overall behaviour was good and I had a good relation with my parents. In 2023 just after my 12th boards exam I decided to give valorant a try. At first I was being praised by my friends for being good at the game despite being an amateur. Then I went on to play competitive and from that point it really took a toll on my mental health. I used to be frustrated 24/7 and used to show real bad attitude to my parents. I would be very cranky if I lost 3 matches in a row. Today I played competitive mode with yoru and had only 2 kills in 10 rounds which is really pathetic. Then I just thought to myself that "is this game really worth the mental stress it's giving me?" and mid match I logged off and deleted the game. My honest opinion is shooting and battle royale games give alot of temporary happiness but it always comes with a cost. Playing violent video games is like taking drugs and also I've read an article saying that an average competitive gamer has the same brainwave signatures as a cocaine addict. My last advice to the younger generation would be to quit any habbit if it starts affecting your overall personality and people around and always strive to be stoic(it means to be calm and forgiving towards others), hardworking, lovable human because in this world currently love is only bought and poor people may not receive enough of it so u should give away love and compassion to everybody around you and see how your life will truly start to shine. Peace out
| 1 |
How to deal with having ocd tourette and misophonia all at once? I don't have access to therapy btw
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.
| 1 |
SO hits himself when extremely upset. Unsure how to help.
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This isn't something that happens often. Over the years that we have been together there have only been a couple of cases where this happened. Something like a disagreement or argument between us doesn't cause this type of behaviour, and "everyday stress" doesn't either. These have been specifically more extreme cases, caused by extremely rare situations. He has also never done anything violent or abusive towards me, I'm only worried about him and his mental health and the potential ways to help (specifying because prior to writing this post I looked for similar posts and a lot of them described people hitting themselves but also being very abusive towards their spouses).
When it comes to the times that my SO has hit himself, he was very upset specifically about something he did, or something he perceives to be his fault. He would grow increasingly frustrated about the thing in question and then at some point, despite my attempts to calm him down and reassure him, he would sort of just snap and start hitting himself over and over. When this happened I would do my best to physically prevent him from doing so until I can get him to calm down enough through talking and reassuring (for example trying to tightly hug him to restrict his movement or holding his hands away from his face/body). After a short while I manage to get him to calm down and he stops this.
When this happens I get very sad/worried and seeing that seemed to really surprise him, to the point where when talking about it afterwards he said he didn't realize this would upset me and that due to it upsetting me/making me sad he will try to not do it again. While I'd be glad if he didn't do this again, I feel like his reasoning is way off and I'm worried that rather than the issue being resolved, he will just end up bottling up his emotions and trying to hide this sort of stuff from me rather than actually not doing it anymore or resolving the issues that are causing this.
He hasn't said much more about it other than he's angry with himself, thinks the thing that upset him is his fault, thinks he's useless. I've tried reassuring him about all of this (in my opinion he was not at fault for the things in question and had not "messed up" in some way), and he calmed down and we kind of moved on. We have not talked about it aside from the conversation we had while calming him down and a while after, but I now try to be more reassuring when there's something similar upsetting him, even if it's a situation significantly less severe than these incidents.
As this isn't common or frequent I didn't want to pressure him into seeing a psychologist about it, but as it has happened more than once now I'm definitely worried and want to look deeper into this and try to resolve the possible underlying issues or things causing this. Any advice would be helpful, or any indication of what I should do differently.
I will probably delete this post after a short while for privacy/anonymity reasons but I'm hoping to get some feedback before that.
| 1 |
Im just very lost with myself
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Honestly a small paragraph won’t cut it to describe how I feel. I want to sneak help, really. I’ve always been aware that I may be suffering from depression since i was in middle school (i’m going into my last year of highschool now), though this year in particular has completely ruined me. So many negative things have happened, and although i was emotionless and numb before this year, it’s as if those feelings tripled. I did ask my mom and told her about it, in which led to one of the many negative events that happened this year, she neglected how i told her I think i have depression… She even told me she forgot a month later after that conversation. i love her, it’s just hurtful. and though i’ve never been that open to people, it’s kind of shut me down from opening up at all to anyone anymore. I feel so alone, i have people, like friends, but i don’t trust anyone, really. i feel so uncomfortable in my own skin for some reason and i feel like i’m suffocating 24/7. i feel like an empty vessel. I always did, but i guess all of those years I tried to ignore this feeling have come to hit me this year. I feel so many things, i guess, but it’s like it’s there but not actually there… i simply feel empty yet in physical pain. I want it to end but i don’t know what to do…
| 1 |
Need guidance.
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Basically I have manic depression, severe anxiety, abandonment from my mother, abuse of all kinds, severe mental and verbal abuse from family members to not only myself, but my 6 year old daughter.
Background on my daughter, her “father” is no longer in the picture. I tried co parenting through the verbal abuse. The cops did nothing to help and the lawyer I went to at the time, gave me the worst advice possible.
My daughter had chronic UTIs and 2 febrile seizures before the age of 2. Her father would get her on the weekends, because I worked weekends at that time. He never changed her. She sat in dirty diapers to the point she would come home and have a full blown yeast infection the next day after she came home to me.
Her second and last (knock on wood), she had a grand mal seizure and went limp and turned blue. Ambulance was called. She was hospitalized for a uti and Iv antibiotics. He never showed. Never called. Nothing. 3 weeks later he asked to get her. He claimed his phone was off. Which I called his mother and left a voicemail and she never returned. I did try. I allowed him but she was on an antibiotic. Her pediatrician hand wrote directions with her meds to him. He never gave her a single drop. I measured before and after he brought her back.
My mothers husband, who’ve I totally disowned, is the most narcissistic and verbally abusive “man” I’ve ever met. In a nutshell, he called said “it’s only a matter of time til I call them (most racial word to an African American, they are biracial), told his own daughter to write a suicide note because he didn’t like a video she made for his fb business page, she lost her mother to suicide by her running into a semi and my step sister was a toddler and walked away unharmed. He then decided to belittle myself in front of my mother, daughter, and nephew. My mother didn’t stand up for me by telling me to leave. She acts as if life is an illusion and she’s married to that asshole for $$$.
They are almost 60 years old and they go to Disney world while it’s my (biracial) niece and nephews bdays(they go every 3-5 months), come back and give the kids Mickey ears. My sister and I live in poverty. Our kids are devastated we can’t even afford to take them to a beach for a weekend.
I have picture and video proof of all the above I’ve stated.
Im not a petty person by any means. All the trauma I’ve been through, I’ve learned to listen to others feelings and not be quick to judge. But these people, are horrible people. Im drowning in my mind. The stress is overwhelming. My mind feels as if it’s splitting in two.
Im being strong for my daughter but everyone in my family,both sides besides my dad, have nothing positive to say. They belittle me in front of my daughter. Tell my daughter she’s gonna be fat if she doesn’t do this or that. She’s 6. She’s been through so much. I just want her to see true happiness and just be a kid because I didn’t have that.
There’s so much more to this, but if any insight to how I can make this better or how to save myself, please let me know. Im not suicidal. Attempted in the past but I survive for my daughter now. Im the only one she has and I won’t do that to her. I have no guidance from my family. Everything I was taught growing up, has smacked me in the face and im
Torn on what to do. What direction to go.
Yes I did therapy, currently looking for a psych that deals with severe trauma,BPD2, ptsd, anxiety and manic depression. No one in my are does in depth therapy and my insurance is limited.
Any advice will help. But please, no religion stuff, I know and understand my disorders and my triggers and etc, I just need to know what to do. Thank you in advance to everyone! I will read comments and update!
| 2 |
Worst phase in my life. I am in constant anxiety. My head hurts, I just want to remove it.
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I (26M) am going through break up of my five year long relationship. That was my first ever relationship. It was my fault that I cheated on her. I kissed another girl multiple occasions. I realized later that I have made a huge mistake. My girlfriend has decided to break up and she is not coming back anymore. Though I love her with all my heart. I have heard from many people she is doing the right thing.
Now, I need to get over this but I am in constant anxiety. I keep thinking about her. My head hurts a lot. I have no motivation in my life. How do I get over this? Will she ever comeback? I have learned my lesson in a very unfortunate manner. I have lost a gem.
| 1 |
I wrote this a while ago and for some reason I never posted it
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I'm 16, 6'0 and weigh about 210 pounds. I feel lost, stuck, and confused all at the same time. My entire life I've been kinda overweight (I have "man boobs" and a gut and a slight double chin but nothing to the point that I look or feel obese). I've always dreamed about having a real serious relationship with a girl but I don't know enough girls to even get a friendly relationship. All my friends that I'm actually close with go to a neighboring school so I never get to do anything with them but I'm constantly hearing about what they did over the weekend and how fun it was while I'm at home doing nothing. My only friend I have at my school isn't fun to be around. He never wants to do anything and he's constantly berading me about my weigh, calling me names like fat, fat ass, pig, or lard but these are all words I haven't said to myself before. I've tried to tell him that I don't like it, but he just keeps doing it. I don't feel suicidal or depressed (at least I don't think I'm depressed), I just feel stuck, like I have nothing I can do or will do with my life. Everyone that knows me thinks I'm fine and happy including my parents because I put on the look that I am but I'm really not. The most support I've felt in a long time was my English teacher I had during school. He actually encouraged me to do my best and talk about the things I care about but now it's summer so I can't talk to him about anything. I really just want someone to talk to and someone I can hug.
| 1 |
Looking for someone to talk to maybe a friend even?
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Sorry this is going to be long...
So for the last 6 or 7 years of my life I have felt very lost and alone, to start my partner of 6 years up and had a fit and kicked me out because I was "abusive". A little bit of context is I knew for a few months that she had been cheating on me so I confronted her about it and asked if she even still loved me to which she replied no, I haven't for a while. Right after this she asked for her debit card back, me being angry I flung the card towards her and it went right by her, after this she stated that I was being abusive and I had to leave immediately, she had me removed by police an hour later. This is where my life starts to crumble under my feet. Now with nowhere to call home I end up back with my parents.
Now a year or two goes by and I start dating one of my old high-school friends, this doesn't last long as they were to immature for me to handel.
Another few months goes by and I re connect with an old friend and we hit it off really well, things seem to be getting better for me and I make the decision to get a place with her all is well and eventually she becomes pregnant. During the pregnancy she could not quit smoking weed or her cigarettes as well as poppers. Needless to say 2 days before my daughter was to be born she passed away in the womb. This absolutely crushes me. Shortly after I leave and return home with my parents.
A year or so passes and I lose my grandma she passed away from old age she was 89. Months later I lose my Nana to cancer.
Needless to say I'm at a loss lately and my mind has become blank, I can't make simple decisions I can't bring myself to care for anyone or anything anymore. I don't know what to do or how to handel even the simplest of days. Work has been absolutely killing me just to go but have no choice but to keep going. My life has become sleep, work, stare into space, sleep, work.
Vent over...
| 4 |
Therapy is lonely and hard
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Hi everyone,
Just need to vent about how my therapy is going. I can't talk about it with anyone else so here goes.
I've been chronically depressed for over 17 years now. It started with emotional outbursts, evolved to selfharm and suicide attempts. Years and countless therapists later i wound up at a therapist that is finally actually working with me towards resolve.
I have a part of me that i repressed, probably because of trauma or a pattern of traumatic experiences. This part of me, i call it my dark part, used to come up in rabdom situations causing alot of harm. I used to yell and shout, hit things (never people) and just be allout unpleasant and irrational to be with. I just lost control and i ended up projecting my dark part onto everything else around me, so i basically was fighting myself for years, without me realizing it.
Now i realize those things, i am activally working on it. But, the days after a heavy therapy session make me so damn fragile it hurts. My dark part keeps trying to find ways to communicate itself into my conscious, and trying to take over. For example, yesterday i raised my voice to my wife because she asked "didn't we agree on this before?". Which is fucking ridiculous and horrible at the same time.
I constantly want to cry. I'm a 30-something year old father and husband and this is the absolute hardest thing i ever had to endure. I'm almost there reddit, in september i'm starting psycho-analysis with my therapist to get to the root cause of my troubles, i'm getting there! The end goal is reintegrating the dark part of myself into my conscious self again, and being able to communicate with it in a manner that is not unhealthy. I just know i'm getting closer.
It's just such a damn hard and lonely process. I hope someone can relate because even tho i'm positve and hopeful, sometimes the hardship of this proces gets the best of me.
Anyone in a similar situation, i see you, i recognize what ur going through. It's fucking hard but we will eventually ge tto the point we're working towards.
Love you mentally ill people of reddit, we are not alone!
| 1 |
Work depresses me
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Context of ages and all that because I know it’s Reddit lol
I (18M) am working with my parents, mom and stepdad, within a family business. My stepdad is the owner of the company and both me and my mom work for him. I am going off to college a month from now, so I know my whole world is going to change very quickly. This is a bit of a vent post.
My stepfather has a hard time controlling his emotions (anger). At work, he constantly is berating all of us for being ‘incompetent’ (he has very high standards). He’s repeatedly called me brain-dead, insults my intelligence constantly, and yells at me for most mistakes I make. On one hand, he gets extremely pissed off if I mess something up, and on the other, he gets seemingly even more pissed when I ask questions to make sure what I’m doing is correct. Now, I know I definitely have made stupid decisions while working, I handle a lot of responsibilities with zero issues (handling customers, answering phone, making appts, etc.) and I feel like making a simple mistake such as not hearing something and asking for him to repeat what he said is not enough for him to completely blow up on me. His emotions are unpredictable and it follows at home. I tend to go out a lot with friends or my partner, not obnoxiously late (I don’t really have a curfew) but I always make an effort to socialize a little bit daily. This morning I woke up to him yelling at me to finish my laundry (I moved clothes to the dryer overnight), and it was just a really horrible way to start my day. I try not to take what he says super seriously, it’s just hard because I’m being guilted into working nearly everyday for 11 hours sometimes (11.5 was the most) and I feel so burnt out and ready to leave. I feel like I’m spending my last summer ‘as a kid’ just working. I had to fight to get one day off and because of that he’s been in a pissy mood and I’m going to be working two full 11 hour days the next two days. I want to put my foot down but they really do need the help there, and it’s not just him it’s my mom getting overworked there, so I really feel the obligation not to leave them out to dry.
I know I’m definitely sounding a bit entitled, I just felt the need to vent and maybe get perspectives from other people. I will take reality checks and critique :)
| 3 |
Please help me to know if i have adhd or not
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Hello, a guy said in this forum "you feel sleepy because finally thoughts have stopped racing" to be honest i dont know if it was anxiety or whatever by months ago i was like, all my life, i was thinking extra and had like for each situation a lot of ideas on how to fix them and like pre-visualize scenarios and fixes for those problems, mainly anxiety related problems
I took an ADHD test, i don't know about childhood adhd but for adult adhd i check all the boxes i think but like i also check the "unedcuted, lazy, gifted child who dont need to learn anything to memorize or like be good at something"
I identify with all the memes on r/ADHDmemes i'm like i dont know
I got diagnosted with Borderline Personality disorder (70/120) and online tests i did were like "Sever BPD" i rage at people i like scream in malls and whatnot
ADHD with a score of 7/10 both childhood and adulthood 7/10
Generalized anxiety and anxiety as a personality trait
Sever depression with suicidal ideation
That was like in 20/12/2022 (december of 2022).
Since then i've used sertraline, it like made the scenarios and slowed down my thinking of problems and solutions and whatnot, i was finally relaxed. It was shortlived tho, like for a few days, i think it calmed me down a bit also because of the nausia and GI problems its known for
Then my psych raised the dosage, got into a hypomania i think, like i went to the psychward emergency room to ask for stimulant medication since i read on it that it helps a lot, turns out it was a big mistake, not going to do that again
Then i was on duloxetine, then again on sertraline
After that time passed, i was lucky it passed nice becauase the way i was, my god, fighting everyone, felt like i was ready for war screaming at people insulting, and throwing hands in traffic
I was on atomoxetine 40mg and then 80mg, gotta say this helped a lot, especially in the beginning, however it didnt got to the desired results i think, or it was way to expensive to take 80mg, and very hard to come by
Got sodium valproate to stabilize myself, it ruined my liver, switched back to gabapentin
Now i'm on 900 (daily) gabapentin and i gotta say it's the best think, it calms me down it makes me like chill, im childish and playful, i stopped insult and raging at people, sadly if i dont take it after 7h i get back to my jerk self. Problem with gabapentin is that it makes me easier to procrastinate, i mean it does the trick to relax me, but im like a useless something, i just lay in bed sleep go to pc, and only do stuff im really really excited to do, if it dont present interest im not even bothering, i lost my job also cuz of this
Now with Concerta, my psych said "let's see if we can stabilize you on Concerta or Gabapentin", i'm currently using 900mg gabapentin & 18mg Concerta.
see even this post, in the past i wouldn't write it, now its easy to write it
My question is: Do I have ADHD? i don't believe i have, my doctor said 'regardless you have adhd or not, if you have ADHD-like sympthoms it's the same treatment' which makes me feel like im faking it, why do adhd meds work for me, i feel so bad
Do i look like adhd person, i doubt it, what if its something else, or like the comorbidities i have the BPD and anxiety and that makes me look like i have adhd but its not adhd
Also im not asking like "what if pills kill me" i dont care if i die or not but im just curious what if im making everything up and i overexagerated and now everything is a mistake and maybe something is wrong
| 1 |
Mentally Spiraling / Over Thinking
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(43M) I can't stop overthinking something that happened at work, which I believe caused one of the only people I care about taking a break from me.
Background I am suffering from extreme trauma and Deep Depression with recent suicidal thoughts, which I am now on meds for and am currently under control. I have a hard time talking to attractive people to the point where I get mini panic attacks that I mask well. I have not had anyone over to my house in 10 years other than family and not been invited to go anywhere that I felt comfortable going to since high school. The only time I'm out in public is when I push through my road blocks and go to a bar which I don't drink so I'm always feel like the outsider which is a work event that I'm expected to attend.
I have been talking to a co-worker who is married, and I am attracted to but would never risk her marriage by doing anything. She had been giving me hugs, and while I still had to work in my dark office or sit behind her so I was outside of her sight line, making it easier for me to start getting through my mental issues having the panic attack just being around her.
One day, I see a mutual "friend" who I have shared some political ideas with, and he says hi if he's walking by my office, slap this lady on the ass after a meeting. I strongly am opposed to this type of behavior and feel it's a sexual assault and report it to HR. Some context the HR lady is also someone who triggers my panic attacks, so it's a big deal for me to be in the room talking about this to her.
More background I have a family member who was SA as a child and the police told the family that its her word against an adults and wanted to know what we wanted them to do about it as they did not think it would do any good.
A few days go by, and I quit my job abruptly for an unrelated opportunity.
I let this lady who says I'm her friend know that I reported the SA to HR and she blows up at me saying how could I do that and it was no big deal people slap her ass all the time, she just has that type of ass. I let her know that I reported it and while doing so said I only did so in case it ever was reported by her that there would be a witness to it happening and it would not be a he siad / she said and I left it at that with HR. She keeps going on and on about how this might ruin her friendship with this other co-worker, and he might get fired for it, so on and so forth. If I thought of her as a friend, I should have come to her before going to HR.
I tell her I will email her why I did what I did as it's too hard for me to tell it to her face. I open up that I have mental issues, what triggers my panic attacks and that she was helping me unknowingly through my issues just being nice to me, making me feel like I can talk to someone without having panic attacks. I told her that I could not have come to her as I was embarrassed for looking at her butt when she walked by and I felt that if I did I would have a bad panic attack for suggesting that I took a peak. We emailed back and forth a few more times with her, saying that if we were friends that I should have just overcome my triggers and talked to her, that it's not her fault for being attractive and I should just move past it already. I ended up telling her that I was sorry for putting all this on her apologizing to her for putting her through this and if she needed a break from my that I would not contact her again until she is ready to chat with me again.
Fast forward 3 weeks and still nothing from her, and I keep thinking to myself that why am I the one who is apologizing for making her uncomfortable for me reporting the slap. For making myself feel like I'm the ass hole who caused all this drama at work for her when I'm not the one who slapped a co-workers ass just a few weeks after we went through sexual harassment training and what is and is not consided okay at work.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
| 1 |
I've been talking to myself like someone else is talking to me when i wake up
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English is my second language so I will try to explain as best as I can
this has been the case once a week for a while now but today for some reason today I called someone else called by name
I talk to myself a lot and I think it's normal but when I wake up I sometimes talk in the third person or like someone else to talking
| 1 |
Could the following be possible?
|
I remember that as a young child (~4-8) my teachers, in my recollection, never approved of me. They told my parents that I had no friends, no social skills, and was a problem child. Generally I don’t look back very fondly on my early childhood (I also did not conform well to what my teachers told me to do etc.). I am now a straight A student and would not seem like one to be a “problem child”. However, nowadays I consistently rationalise in my own mind that nobody likes me, and that I am good for nothing. I also believe that I don’t deserve to feel good because I don’t think I have any “real” problems (posting this makes me feel guilty). Since a very young age I have always displayed self deprecation and self loathing. Could this have something to do with my early childhood perhaps?
| 1 |
When to get help?
|
I’ll try keep it simple.
How would I know when to see someone about mental health ?
I’m really not happy alot of the time and I’m not suicidal but get moments where I really wish I didn’t have to bother with this whole thing like just living a life
I really don’t know if my everyday mood is normal and I’m just being soft. Or weather I should be more happy
Only way to explain it is my everyday mood is very blank and my mind is constantly racing with thought. And those thought affect if I’m good or bad. Most of the time though I’m thinking about work or things I’ve done wrong to people so that brings my mood down
Hope this stuff makes sense
And is appropriate
Cheers
| 1 |
I relapsed
|
I’m sorry.
I had to.
I hadn’t done it in so long.
People are mean.
I’m sorry
| 1 |
Im so scared and I really don't know what to do
|
I stopped taking my antidepressants a few weeks ago maybe less I don't remember but I did it because I was sick of having to take them every night and I was scared I was becoming too dependent on them. Ever since then I haven't felt right; I wanna hurt people sometimes physically sometimes emotionally for 9 times out of 10 no reason, I'm really irritable, and I get stressed out and paranoid very easily. I'm on a waiting list to see a new therapist but I think I need a psych ward instead. I can't talk to my parents about any of this either because they won't react well to it. I've also been freaking out over the past week because I have an online friend (it isn't predatory at all I literally do not care what anyone says) who's 10 years older than me and I bring that up because thats the reason I can't talk to my parents about it but he fucking disappeared off of the face of the earth and he hasn't responded to any of my snaps and he deleted his reddit acc. What scared me is that hes a high functioning drug addict and alcohol and the last thing he said to me was that he was gonna do crack and i'm honestly terrified he's dead. He lives in a different state and I dont even know his name. I just don't know how to deal with it all. The only good thing I have going for me right now is a Fall Out Boy and Bring Me the Horizon concert thats tomorrow which im actually really excited about. Sorry that this was all over the place, I just needed to get it out of my head and I kinda need advice on it all too.
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