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Im 18 and my mom treats me like im a kid still
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i am 18 female, i stayed up playing games till 4 almost 5, my mom found out and she threatened to break my PC when i bought it with my own money, can she do that? is that illegal? and she always threatens me by saying shes going to break stuff that belong to me
| 1 |
purposenessless
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In the depths of my emotions, I often find myself engulfed in apathy, as if I'm drifting aimlessly without a sense of purpose. Despite my tender age of fifteen, I've noticed a pattern in my life where initial enjoyment fades away quickly, leaving me feeling bored and utterly drained. It's disheartening not to comprehend what might be wrong with me, yearning to experience the semblance of a normal life like those around me. Instead, I'm left grappling with an overwhelming void, a pervasive feeling of emptiness. Despite my persistent efforts to seek solutions, it seems that the key to unlocking a meaningful existence eludes me. I'm left yearning for guidance, hoping to find someone who can help shed light on this intricate puzzle and offer the support I need.
| 2 |
How do you view the world as someone with ADHD?
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I have a friend working on something: a drawing comparing how different people who live with certain difficulties view the world. It's going to encompass Autism, ADHD, Schizophrenia, Bipolar and Depression, with one extra for how a 'normal' person sees the world.
The drawings will have the same image/one image split into sections, for example a meadow or a lake, but each one will be altered to represent different views of the world.
This was inspired by my own challenges dealing with autism, so as an example, my worldview is much more innocent and childlike, so the autism one will be more black-and-white to represent a black-and-white understanding of the world (grey areas and abstract concepts with no easy answer are always a struggle), along with a rainbow to represent the childlike innocence I have (as in, not doing things to be mean and stuff, still learning what's right and wrong).
I also suffer from depression, which is not fun - everything is scary and I feel like no-one wants me, I would imagine that to be viewed as there always being shadows and rainy clouds, as that's how it feels.
With this in mind, if any of you were to draw what the world looks and feels like to you as someone with ADHD, what would the picture be?
| 5 |
Haven’t cried in months and it feels like I’m not a human anymore
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I think I’ve always been anxious as a kid but as I got older and my brain developed I think I not only have more constant anxiety but reality has become very crushing and serious feeling, possibly even some derealization mixed in there, I’m 20 years old and I’ve also been off weed for 4 months, but I used it for 6 months straight last year, so that could be a factor, but even before that I feel like life is way less magical than it used to be. Events and places I go to feel bland and low energy, it’s as if someone turned down my emotions then put an alien inside my body, sometimes I’ll look at people and it just feels like I’m staring into a dolls eyes, there’s not really a connection anymore it just feels like I’m watching a movie. I’ve tried taking cold showers and I think I like them because it’s hard to sit and think about shit when your being pelted with ice cold water, I’ve also been trying to be active more and eat healthier, any other tips would help greatly.
| 1 |
How do I temporarily turn off my emotions?
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I just need to do it for 2-4 weeks. That's all. My emotional pain is making my heart hurt, despite ignoring it. I need specific steps.
| 2 |
My anxiety is ruining my life
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I’ve had GAD/SAD since I was 10 (I’m almost 18 now) and its always been bad, but the last few years I’ve gotten a lot better with it, I’ve learned to overcome it in various ways. But the past year and especially this past couple months my panic attacks have been unbearable, and it’s not me worrying or like consciously being anxious it’s literally just my messed up brain chemicals (or smthn like that idk) it’s gotten to the point where it’s actually becoming debilitating again. I’m scared I’m going to revert back to when I never went out in public and I quite literally had no friends (like genuinely I did not talk to a single person outside of my house). I just want to be able to do normal things like go to work without puking and feeling like I’m having a heart attack
| 1 |
Update: I finally told my therapist I’m a compulsive liar.
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I made a post about a month back talking about how I’m a compulsive liar and have been since I was very young. I’ve lied about most of my life to most of the people in it, including my girlfriend of two years whom I am extremely close with.
I was terrified to tell my therapist. I’d lied to her about most my past and a lot of experiences as well. She said I’d likely meet criteria for factitious disorder among other things. I was terrified of the judgement she’d pass me and thought she might even drop me as a client. I thought the rest of our therapy sessions would be a lecture on how I need to tell the truth and make amends with the people in my life.
Surprisingly, she hasn’t pushed me to do that at all. Weighing the damage it’d cause to my life and the fragility of my mental state, she actually has encouraged me to wait until I build a better sense of self. I hold a lot of guilt and shame for what I’ve done, and I just generally think I’m a bad person who deserves nothing. We’ve worked on this as well as some of my past experiences (REAL ones this time) that have lead to my compulsive lying.
Ask me any questions you may have. Also I’ve really struggled to find any resources at all to help me so anything is appreciated.
| 1 |
I want to feel better
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Recently I have been avoiding my college assignments to the point where it’s not usual for me. The moment I think about them my head goes blank and I can’t focus or think. I don’t have the energy to go out anymore or exercise like I used to. When I come across situations where I should feel sad I just go numb. I wanna start doing something that can make me happier, I think the only times where I feel happy is when I listen to music or spend money on unnecessary stuff.
| 1 |
My girlfriend broke up with me but she said I was the perfect guy for her
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Title
| 1 |
I think I should get Mental health warrant on my brother but my refused. In desperate need of advice. Please help
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I have a brother (24). My brother has been showing very severe mental illness disorder and I will describe them below.
High school: he recorded in his journal that helicopters, and people were following him around. He never told us anything, and I found out through the journal about this. He believed people were watching him at home too, and suspected a family close friend as well. He would tape the walls, break the ceiling to see what's above, and break smoke detectors. He begins running away from school and hiding in small empty spaces around the apartment complex. Because of this, my mom dropped him out of school and keep him home.
19-22: He was isolated, no friends. He began working with my mom and fought multiple times with her due to his living style (unhygienic, chews tobacco and leaves its residue) my mom was physically violent from time to time. He got into a fight with my dad in the middle of a street. He beat him up until my father was on the ground. But he did it from self defense according to him. He began showing aggressiveness, lunging at me and younger siblings with punches but he never actually punched me. Begin getting aggressive with my mom due to her asking for financial assistance. He would not communicate and if he does, it's kind of gibberish.
22-24:
His symptoms worsened. He was fired from every job within a month. He would talk to himself, giggles, and yell aggressively out of nowhere. He would be cursing under his breathe. And denied it when we asked him.
One time, he was running around the apartment, saying there is a truckload of people trying to kill him. He asks to take weapons, and to cover the entire house. The breakdown lasted for about 3-4 days until normal and we kept him at home.
He's aggressive and sometimes lunges and hits my little sister which would then cause a big fight with my mom.
He had hit her with an iPad once, and when my mom trying to fight him back with a curtain rod, he ran into kitchen grabbing knives. He said it was because my mom was trying to hit my little sister. My other religious brother responded by threatening him with a knife at my father's home after my mom told him. I called the cops, and CPS because two of my little sisters were involved. But CPS leave it to me to get them therapy and left.
Days after that, he kept the knife my brother threatened him with. Taking it to work with him. My mom was afraid he was tryna stab her. But, she still took him to work after he left the knife at home. She stole the knife and threw it away later. He then aggressively cursed and asked me because he thought I took the knife. My sister (7f) is hiding a sharp knife from him after my other brother bought it and we learned that she was afraid that he would take it.
More fight like this continuously occured. He punch my sister (7f) in the stomach. She told the school, CPS came, then left after telling her to not go around him. I was in college at the time. And my entire family was angry at me cuz they thought I called CPS.
His symptoms worsened. I am back home from college for the summer. He still talks to himself, is violence sometimes (lunging at my little sister because as a kid, she's very annoying) he put himself to hours of insane workout, with the same dumbbells, and some workout equipment. He put his workout equipment in front a neighbors door and work out throughout the entire day. They are annoyed but hasn't complained. And, even if they did we can't do anything.
Yesterday, someone has threw some of his equipment somewhere because it was blocking the stairs. He thought it was my mom and tried hitting her with one of those thin but heavy portable AC conditioner. I was asleep, and woke up. I stopped him. He then went in the room, grabbed the canned bug spray and tried hitting her. I prevented that again. Then we tried to get him to leave but he refused, and stayed in the house the entire time. He would not leave even though my mom and I keep kicking him out. He stayed. And, my mom insisted that he's not mentally ill but just a horrible person when I insisted that he needs help.
That night, I called 988 desperately and anxiously explaining and asking them for advice on what to do. They explained to me about mental health warrant and I think it's a good idea which will get him help.
Today morning, my mom called her friend asking her to help my brother get a job. He responds in gibberish which according to her is normal. I explained to her about the warrant, and she was angry and refused. Saying that I was crazy. And then she said she rather, he become homeless, or died rather than him being apprehended to be in a mental facility. And she begged him today to not go to my dad place, and to get a job. She insisting because she wants financial help from him. She is also trying to move from Texas to Indiana in a few months or so.
I believe my brother will succumbed to his mental illness soon if he doesn't get any help, and it will be too late. He has good deal of musculer biceps but his entire body seems very malnourished.I am even more worried since my little sisters (7f, and 14f) will be living in the same house with them. I think he needs help but my family will kill me and cut me off if I do this behind their backs. I am afraid to do it without my family approval. I will be going back to college in late August. And, I will be going on a one week camping trip with a school program for a week. There will not be reception, so I am incredibly worried about bad things happening while I am gone. Please advise me. Thank you.
| 6 |
I'm not good at describing exactly what I want from conversations or relationships, and I piss people off really frequently. I feel like a problem. I'm going to give an example of the type of feelings I'm having. Does this have a specific mental illness it could link back to?
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I'm 20 years old and, sometimes I just want to complain, but then people want to give me advice, advice that I've already tried, or advice I know isn't going to work, and when I tell them that didn't or isn't going to help, they get MAD at me. When I have a problem in life, somehow I'M the problem, and not other people involved. Its always ME, and I don't often understand what I did wrong, or what I did to deserve the consequences. I've been like that ever since I was little. My mom would punish me for being bad, but I didn't understand what I did to be bad. I never learned my lesson, and I'd only apologize if I knew it'd get me out of trouble or out of time-out faster. I learned to pretend I'm sorry so I could go play, but never learned what I did wrong.
For another example, I have been feeling a bit insecure about myself. I don't know any particularly useful skills, and the skills I do know, even after years of use or practice, I'm still not good at. Sometimes, I think, I may actually be regressing in certain skills. I've gotten some hate over my art style online lately. And when I vent or ask advice, the only advice they can give is to do better! Like, "change your art style and maybe people will like it," but I'm already TRYING my best, I couldn't change my artstyle if I tried, it's all I know how to do, even with tutorials! So why does it suck so hard that I rarely get positive responses to my artwork online? Why am I getting called a big baby for being upset that I'm 20, and so bad at art apparently, that getting criticized/made fun of for my artstyle? I thought that type of harassment only happened to bad people like pro-shippers and groomers? But I'm new to posting on social media, I didn't do anything! So why me?
What is wrong with me? I just don't understand, like, in a general sense of existence? I don't feel like I belong, or that I deserved sentience because my sentience seems to bring everyone else down. A better human could've been made instead of me. I don't know any skills, I have horrible hygiene because of that time I was almost drowned in a bathtub by a relative, I normally lack energy to even provide myself with basic needs, etc. So why am I even here in the first place if I have nothing to contribute? Why am I even writing out here? I'll probably just get ignored or told how wrong I am for feeling this way anyway.
| 1 |
Uncomfortable around people drinking
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I’ve tried googling this with not much help, so here goes. I’m sorry if this isn’t the right sub for this, if it isn’t I would be very grateful to someone who pointed me to one more fitting 🙏
I am super uncomfortable and anxious with even the idea that my partner might drink or has interest in drinking. I have no idea why — they drink responsibly, and I can’t think of anything in my life that would cause this feeling. It makes no sense to me. Logically I don’t judge them or think there’s anything wrong with the way they drink, but I just get so… I don’t know.
I suppose I get uncomfortable with anyone drinking around me, but it’s obviously much stronger when it’s my partner and it extends to when I’m not there as well (which is ridiculous because it doesn’t even effect anything to do with me). I feel like this feeling would be a result of some childhood trauma, but I don’t think I really have any. My dad is a SOBER alcoholic who stopped drinking long before I was even born, and we never had any alcohol in the house. I barely got exposed to drunk people, so maybe it’s just that it hasn’t been normalized to me? I decided a long time ago that I would never even try alcohol because 1) I don’t want to risk getting addicted since it runs in my family, 2) I don’t like anything that makes me less perceptive or in control of myself and 3) I just don’t see the appeal. I especially don’t understand the social aspect. Again, I am NOT saying it’s bad or anything judgmental, I just don’t understand it. I’ve tried getting more info but it hasn’t really helped :(
The only thing traumatic I can really think of is when a drunk old man said something very sexually inappropriate about me when I was 15/16, but I don’t understand how it would affect the way I feel about my partner. They know my boundaries and would never even think about saying something crude about me. Even if they did, it would be far less uncomfortable than an old perverted stranger.
I really hate that I feel this way because I don’t want to make them feel like they’re doing anything wrong or that it’s changed how I see them. We’ve talked about it, but it hasn’t helped my feelings that much (even though they’ve been very understanding and offered to not drink when they’re around me), and I don’t want to keep having the same conversation with them if it isn’t helping me and it possibly harms them. I’m really trying to figure out why I’m like this so I can work on it, because this situation isn’t helpful. I feel like there’s something wrong with me, which is so isolating.
Is there anyone who can figure this out or relate? I’m really at a loss here :(
| 5 |
Just want to feel okay
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I keep trying to go off of my birth control because I hate having little to no sexual desire anymore. Especially being in a relationship of over 4 years, I want to keep the sexual intimacy alive. It’s so hard to go off it though. Every time I try I go into a deep dark depression. I’m reminded of how depressed I felt before I ever got placed on BC in the first place. For some reason BC helped regulate my depression enough where most days felt decent. I don’t want to have to rely on it anymore. I don’t want to go on prescriptions drugs either. I’ve tried so many and hate how they all make me feel like an emotionless zombie who *also* would still have little to no sexual desire. It’s like I just can’t win. There is no life I can live that wouldn’t require me to take a pill for the rest of my life in order to be happy.
| 1 |
It's getting light out😭
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Realizing I stayed up through another night and didn't take my meds again. I think I'm in a manic episode, psychosis is getting worse too. I'm paranoid as hell. Haven't eaten in a while, not sure how long, I'm gonna try to make some food I think.
| 1 |
Abandonment issues making me feel really low.
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My former foster family that I just aged out of after almost 3 years with them and 12 years in the system just adopted two teens. Apparently they did want to adopt, just not me. Before that I was going to be adopted but the mom got pregnant and cancelled it. And of course my bio parents abandoned me and left the country when I was 6, explicitly telling me I was a burden and too much to handle. Abandonment issues hitting real hard right now. I have basically zero self worth. Can't stop feeling like I'm just not good enough to be wanted by anyone but abusers and predators.
| 1 |
I'm seeing things that aren't there
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I saw a roach in my room a week ago, and now I see "black movements" in the corner of my eye. But when I look directly there's nothing.
| 1 |
15 yr old struggling w anxiety and depression
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I feel like my life has just started and I want it to end already… for loads of you thinking I’m being ‘cringe’ and I don’t rlly suffer, just hear me out. I’m 15 years old and I am a boy. I bottle my emotions up as I don’t want to embarrass myself, I can smile and laugh throughout the day however when I am alone in my room at night I feel numb and sad. I go to a private school and i am not very smart, I am there for my sporting abilities. My school and family put an unbelievable amount of pressure on me and im struggling to keep expectations. I feel as if I am a failure. Yesterday I was out with my friends and we were drinking and smoking, when I got in the car with my mum my emotions came out. I cried in the car and told her everything, she doesn’t listen to me. She says it’s hormones. Little does she know I vomit multiple times a week due to my anxiety. My anxiety has created feelings I didn’t know I could feel. I feel broken and I just need somebody to talk to.
| 3 |
I just wished someone would have cared about me. It's all I ever wanted.
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TW: Mental, Physical, Emotional, CSA, Rape, Narcissism, death
This is long. I'm sorry. Pleased be warned, this could be triggering.
That's all I want. That's all I ever wanted was for someone, anyone. Just fucking anyone to actually care for me.
I was lucky. I had 4 chances for parents. My bio father. My mother and step father. My grandmother and my aunt. I had 4. That's way, way more than many get.
Guess what? None of them. Zilch. Zero.
My bio father mentally, physically, emotionally and sexually abused me from a young age until he gave me up at 14 because his girlfriend didn't like me. I'm talking about, hitting in the back of the head with a frying pan, throwing me into shelves, screaming in my face, telling me that I am worthless and to remain submissive to him, full finger penetration while commenting on how much boys were going to love me and how much I was going to enjoy what he was doing when I was 7. Undressing me and feeling me up in my sleep. Slitting his wrist and crying on my shoulder while having to talk him out of suicide before he gave me up at 14. Sitting up until dawn on school nights while he's drunk and trying to kill himself. Trying to always be his ideal, picture child to try andmake him love me.
My mother knew about my bio father. I told her. I told her specifically about the sexual abuse and she told me, "Aww. Sweetie. No wonder why you are so depressed." But didn't try and do anything to save me from the situation. At this point she'd already lost custody of my brother and I (My bio father's full children) because she was addicted to pain killers and was stealing prescription pads from work to get them. She was very emotionally distant. Especially after she was arrested in public in front of my sister (My step father's full child) and I. I was her emotionally support. When things happened, I was the one who went with her to keep her calm. she took me with her to watch her mothers head get patched together after she fell and busted it open on their stone fireplace. My stepfather was very verbally abusive. My sister's therapist even labeled her childhood with him as "severely traumatic and emotionally volatile". Part of my severest of visual flashbacks are him and my bio father, back and forth, screaming in my face. There were days where I was so depressed (With already diagnosed depression) that I couldn't move off the floor. My stepfather would just stand there, screaming at me and threatening to call the police on me. My stepfather also knew about my bio father's abuse as we also had a conversation about it and... Nothing happened. My sister was being abused verbally by stepfather too, which she took out on me. Almost every conversation I was angerly cursed at. I was told every day I saw her, "Why don't you just leave. It'd be better for everyone if you just moved to your grandmothers. We don't want you here." My mother would stand by and watch and say nothing. If I retorted back, I would be in trouble. One day, I had enough and I slapped my sister. It was wrong. I shouldn't have. Physical violence isn't the answer. Yet, I just snapped. My sister started crying and myother came in. We both told her what happened and my mother grabbed me, pushed me against the wall and began slapping me iny face over and over while screaming, "How do you like being hit? Huh, bully?"
Around this time too, I had 11 die in 6 years including my grandmothers sister who died at my knees in a public theater when I was 11.
(Will continue in comments because of length)
| 2 |
My (23f) father (54m) have very different opinions on my mental health and mental health in general and I'm struggling.
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I recently moved back in with my dad and step mom after a very emotionally abusive relationship. I've been seeing a therapist for the last 4 or 5 months and I'm trying to get my mental health back on track. I have two co existing disorders and my father is very adamant that I'm perfectly fine and I want something to be wrong with me (his words not mine).
I've struggled with my mental health since I was a kid and it just seems to get worse over time. I've had trouble getting up on time and sticking to the routine that my parents have set for me since I've been back, I really am trying but I have alot of difficulty sleeping and usually don't fall asleep until my body can't take it anymore.
My father and I had a very ugly disagreement yesterday and he made some very not nice passive aggressive comments. My mood plummeted very fast and I started having thoughts of SH. I'm not sure how to get my dad to see that I am struggling, because I want him to be aware of what's going on in my journey but it just seems impossible at this point.
Any advice?
| 3 |
Carded Twice at Dispensary?
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I am a 29 year old man who looks younger than my age. I dont get my ID checked as much at bars as I used to, but it still is something that bothers me. I went to the dispensary today. They checked my ID as I walked in per usual. Then I was rung up by a female cashier who looked about the same age as me. I showed her my ID because I had a pre order, which is what I do every time I come here so that they can look up my order. Then, when she came back with my items she asked "did I check your ID already?" And I said yes. Then she asked if she could see it again, looked at it, then rung me up. I asked her why she checked my ID again and she said that they have to check everyone's ID twice at illinois dispensaries. She was nice and I know its not a huge deal, but I've never had this happen before and it bothered me enough to post on reddit because she looked about the same age as me. Do I really look younger than 21 to my peers when im almost 30, or is there some other explanation as to why she asked to look at my ID again when I already showed her when I walked up?
| 2 |
Favorite Mental Health App
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Good evening,
​
For those who use a mental health app (I am familiar with Aura but I know there are many others), I just wanted to get a sense for market research on what app(s) people use, and what do you like or not like about the app. In particular what features could be improved upon? Thanks
| 1 |
I know this is a dumb question l, but I’ve been dealing with depression for 5 years, & now that I have insurance to cover it I want to make my 1st step. Can I got to the ER for depression? & if so what is the process once you’re admitted like?
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Depression
| 1 |
I’m completely overwhelmed and possibly burned out. I’m not ok
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I ( 44f) am really struggling. I have a sick husband ( m37) that I bend over backwards for every single day and he just takes me for granted, and gives his attention to everyone but me. I have 4 kids and I do everything for all of them. One of my kids has disabilities and I have a lot of work to do with him and appointments. I have a sick mother who has cancer, and treatments , my father is also not doing great , I have to do everything for them now. My sister is sick with long covid so I have her child most days. I feel isolated and numb. I don’t enjoy life is the least anymore, I walk around with a chest that feels like an elephant is sitting on it. I am never happy, or excited but I have to pretend I’m ok or my husband will get mad at me. I never dreamed life would be this hard. I need some ideas to help myself, because nobody else is going to help.
| 17 |
Reaching out to friends again.
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In my case, it's less been a matter of actively withdrawing and more the fact that I lost access to them by being locked out of an account - but even before then, I felt as if I was becoming a burden to my friends because of my mental health, and this feels like a large part of why I feel they'd be better off without me. Something tells me I'd be doing them a service by leaving their lives.
I have had friends in the past who were very toxic, and I'm afraid of becoming like them on account of what I've gone through. I don't want to trauma dump, or anything like that, but I feel like what has happened to me as really cut me to a point where this will always be a part of me - which isn't to say I'm not healing, but I feel as if it'll always be obvious that I've been broken, and I'm scared that I've lost the chance of being a good friend to the people I care about.
I have means of reaching out to these people, but I am scared, too, that this would be harassment, showing up after so long from out of the blue - or, just as frighteningly, that they'd simply ghost me. I miss them very much, but I'm scared that reaching out will confirm that I'm a wasteful and toxic presence in the lives of others.
I'm not sure what to do. I have an email here, a phone number there, to reach out to these friends of mine - but I'm scared, very scared, of being abusive in reaching out, in being presumptuous in assuming they'd even want to talk to me now. I don't know what to do.
| 1 |
TW: A happy couple made me relapse into SH.
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I (18M) started a job at Walmart about 4 days ago. Recently I’ve been on the register, going through people. Woke had been fine until this point, and I’d genuinely been feeling ok.
Then this couple walked up.
I’ve been alone for my entire life. I’ve never had a girlfriend and never kissed a girl either. I was treated like a freak at high school for this. People constantly giving me side eyes and girls laughing in my face when I asked them out. One girl that I’d had a crush on for so long and was nice to me laughed and even called me a f***gt. so I just drowned myself in college and schoolwork (heading to uni this fall). And I rang this couple up. And the entire time, the guy (whose built and as big as me) and the girl were all over each other, telling each other how much they loved each other and how their so excited for their baby. I slowed down a lot while they did this, got to the point my trainer asked if I was ok. I said I was. I’m not. I was doing absolutely everything in my power to not sprint to the gun locker across the store, load a rifle, point it at my head and shoot. I tried to not cry, but some tears got out. Now im home and about to ball. I barley worked out tonight. I’ll never have what they have. I’ll live and die alone. Everyone will always think im a freak and a fat loser. I’ve forgotten what a hug feels like even. I just don’t see a point anymore. I feel like the only thing I’ll ever come close to is pain. So after 2 years, I relapsed and committed SH.
Sorry for the rant. My arm is ok I think, put some medicine on it. I just feel so alone
| 1 |
Too sad to talk
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I want to go out and make new friends.. but I get stuck in my head sometimes and I don’t have anything to say. My mind is just blank and the other person ends up walking away. Is this because of my depression? I guess the way I feel is that I won’t be heard number 1. Number 2 I’m a little socially awkward and number 3 I have this sense of “why try?“ “nothing I say would really be of value”. I just freeze up guys. I hate it because I missed an opportunity with this girl I think is really cute and she’s my neighbor. I was having a really rough day and when she asked how I was doing I said “you know I’m just doing my thing and making the best of what I got!” And she seemed to like that.. but afterwards I got in my head too much to the point where she noticed and said goodbye. Ugh.
| 1 |
Need help and guidance
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Right now I 21(M) am dealing to chronic headache I have consulted various top-notch doctors to no effect and the headache is so bad that I have suicidal thoughts sometimes. Ri8 now I am supposed to study, but crossing a day normally seems like a chore.I used to be a straight A student and now i have been reduced to nothing. So much efforts on studies all wasted my life all destroyed by headaches. Also the fact that financial condition at my home is very bad. I feel useless and like a burden. These all are starting to affect my mental health and I have no idea what to do.I had been pretty positive so far. Help me
| 1 |
Why do I get really emotional so often?
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Multiple times a day I will feel an overwhelming amount of emotions? For example: watching a video about a dog getting adopted will give me the overwhelming urge to cry. The scene in gone girl when Amy is coming home and everyone is cheering for her made me feel super emotional as well. When I see a happy child or happy parents, happy people in general really I want to cry. When I blow out the candles on a birth day cake. When my parents look happy. When people around me are laughing it just makes me want to cry. Watching people speak passionately about something too. ALSO any sort of play or dancing performance makes me super emotional even if it is not at inherently emotional. Specifically like the first two minutes or the last two minutes when we are giving applause. But some other normal things DO NOT make me cry. Like watching people I love cry or seeing someone get hurt. It’s definitely normal I guess my question is just why and how can I figure out what feeling this evokes to make me so emotional.
| 3 |
Is everyone “on the spectrum”?
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It seems to me that Aspergers is becoming a very common thing . But it’s so easy to label someone as on the spectrum, because it explains just about any eccentricity . .. because it’s a spectrum, and you’re not crazy, just possibly a little bit “on the spectrum”. Do you genuinely believe everyone is “on the spectrum”?
| 2 |
Tips on eating ?
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I haven’t ate for 7 days due to my mental health being rlly bad but anything I put in my mouth comes straight back up 🤦♀️ obviously the fact I can’t eat is making me more Ill but I just can’t eat ?
| 1 |
How can someone get into the addictions / substance abuse field without a Bachelor Degree?
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My sister is looking to get into the mental health counseling field but I’m curious if there is a certification or something she can do without having to go back to school completely as she’s a bit older and can’t really afford school. She has a passion for those with addiction problems and really is interested in helping them while moving into a career that can earn her a bit more money. (Not as much obv as someone with a degree but hence the question.)
Any ideas?
| 2 |
Why do some people refuse to forgive and take revenge still?
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Why do some people refuse to never forgive and still take revenge even after the person has given a full apology with true remorse, repeatedly proven that they changed themselves completely over a long period of time, shows genuine love and compassion, proven they don't have any hidden intentions. Why not just tell that person to leave them alone, instead of constantly fake and lie just to get revenge? I want a genuine answer if anyone is willing to offer. I want to understand why.
| 1 |
I'm struggling again but this time I'm alone
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Basically what the title says, I've struggled with depression for as long as I can remember but I've always had people to help me through it. Now i dont have any of the same friends that I had even just a couple months ago (various life stuff happened and a lot of us just drifted apart) and I don't feel like I have anyone I can actually turn to anymore. So, now I'm posting on here just hoping to vent a little I guess.
In the past 2 months my life feels like it has completely flipped upside down and I'm not handling any of it well. I just don't know where to go from here and I want to just give up so badly.
| 1 |
Struggling to Cope with Social Anxiety + Inferiority Complex + Burnout
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I, 18M, just got back from orientation at a fairly well known school. Long story short, we had a lot of weird icebreaker activities and at the end had a dance party till 10.
Everyone was bonding so fast with each other but I was sitting in the corner like a freaking loser filled with envy for their joy.
This isn't the first time this happened and happens pretty much any time I go to a "fun" social gathering. I keep wondering wtf is wrong with me. Why do the others seem like creatures entirely different from me? Why can't I freaking talk to people and actually establish relationships with others and share in their joy? Am I not human like them? Am I just a piece of subhuman garbage who's company is utterly worthless?
After experiencing such bouts of self loathing, I throw myself into my work to forget this pain. I grind programming and other work to prove to myself that I don't need people. But as a result, I feel myself gradually losing my passion for my work, like programming, which i absolutely enjoyed before.
What should I do to stop this miserable cycle? All input is welcome and frankly even writing this out makes me feel a little bit better.
| 1 |
I declared my anxiety/depression on a pre-employment medical today
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Am I concerned it may impact my application? Yep. Do I regret doing it? Absolutely not. The choices were getting the job based on lies or telling the truth and getting the job from a place of authenticity. If my application is declined because of my mental health (not that they’d ever admit to that), then they aren’t an organisation I’d want to work for anyway. I will no longer hide parts of myself out of fear of rejection. This is who I am. I make no apologies for taking up space and being myself. I do not have to make myself smaller or invisible or hide things to make others feel comfortable. We are not here to be anything other than who we are. Would you look at anything else in nature and say ‘that wasn’t created right!’. Or do we just accept things as they are? As we are?
**‘Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should’.**
| 7 |
Talk to me
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Bad anxiety attack that won’t go away I’m so I’ll I can’t do anything I’m traumatized someone pls help
| 2 |
I think im a creep
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Im scared about what i watched
I have been a porn addict for years and i think i may have done something bad. Im 18 and i was on a hentai subreddit they said no underage so i thought adult characters only. Then i saw Porn of MHA girls and i skipped because they looked and were teens. Then i looked at the ones who looked adult and masterbated to them. Then i looked up the ages and found out one of them was 16 and i started to freak out and i was disgusted at myself i am a dirty pedo a complete monster who committed a crime like i did not know their age they looked adult. I went back to check the ages again and found out loli was being posted hell i have even seen it and clicked off it and i left the subreddit because i hate lolicons real true by the defenition pedos trying to sugar coat their dirty behaviour. I then looked at NSFW cosplayers however some of these cosplayers dressed up as underage charecters and i knew the charecters age but the cosplayer was in their 20s and i feel like i could become a pedo. Recently i was on a meme subreddit and someone uploaded cp. I clicked off and reported it but i do not know if it was the right one to report it for in fact i should have called the cops however im scared that i couls havw broken the law again. But im afraid that im a creep whos gonna forget to ask someones age or that im gonna do or view sexual abuse of a minor or a child like i hate creeps and pedos like i would kill someone who would molest an under 13 but i believe im nothing but a sicko.
| 2 |
You ask for help but yet no one responds
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This is supposed to be help or resources for mental health right? But yet no comments on my post. Great support guys
| 1 |
Creepy feelings
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Hi everyone,
The last couple of years I experience aura migraine from time to time. Apart from the altered vision, I also experience weird sensations in my body. For example, sometimes my arm does not feel like it belongs to me or parts start tingling. Especially the feeling that I am an observer to my own body and do not feel anything is creepy and started to happen more often. When I experience the slightest of this feeling I start to panic and make it worse I think. Does someone have the same experiences or know how to get rid of these? Thanks in advance ! :)
| 3 |
Why Am I Clingy
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Lately I've been wanting a lot of hugs. My big brother hugs me occasionally but I just want my mother to hug me. She doesn't hug me a lot and when I open my arms for her to hug me she just walks away. Sometimes I find myself spacing out just to pretend hug someone. When I have extreme emotions I tend to find a place in my mind where I can just space out for a good 20-30 minutes. When I stay up late I have an itching urge to cuddle and hug someone and just stay there. I'm a huge person with physical touch but idk why I'm so clingy. Any answers?
| 5 |
My life is crumbling around me.
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I know I'm not the first nor the last person to say this in their title, but I really can't find any other words that fit. I'm sorry if this is a lot. It would mean a lot to me if someone were to read this and offer their support.
Last summer my parents and I got into a fight over... something. I can't even explain it in hindsight. Their alcohol abuse got to the point where I couldn't handle it anymore. I couldn't handle their verbal abuse of my sister. I stood up for her and myself, and long story short, my then-girlfriend's family got involved and I was couch-hopping for a whole month. I didn't feel safe to go home. Eventually I returned under certain conditions such as no more alcohol, but that barely lasted a week. For a year I've been to afraid to speak up in fear of something like that happening again.
Last fall my girlfriend of four years, who I'll call "A," dumped me out of the blue in what was then the worst time of my life. I had just moved to college 300 miles away from home while she stayed to go to school locally. I had no friends then, not even at school. She didn't bother trying to help or fix things. She wanted to live the "college experience" without me. I was depressed for months. Thankfully an old friend reached out to me a month later in the middle of my depression. He doesn't know it, but he saved me from ending my own life.
That school year I made no friends. None. My roommate and I didn't get along. We went the whole second semester without speaking. Every day was the same, I almost never spoke. My depression got in the way of my academics, and I ended up having to withdraw from a several courses to save my GPA, putting me behind almost a year.
At the beginning of this year I was feeling better, I reconnected with friends back home who I spoke to every day. That was a lot of help. But eventually, along came a girl who I'll call "D." D and I met in February and instantly hit it off. She was a year younger than me, but we were inseparable almost immediately. I thought she was perfect. She had all the attributes that I valued in a woman. We made so many plans together. Having also improved myself in my months alone, I really felt we would last.
We dated for the rest of the school year and into this summer. I visited her last month at her home, a five hour drive. I stayed for several days, attending her graduation and ensuing parties, meeting her extended family, the works. I was really happy then.
Shortly after I head home, she leaves for Europe with her family on vacation. I wait patiently and text on occasion, whenever we both have the time. Nothing seemed amiss whatsoever. On Father's Day, she returns from Paris. She seemed a little distant through our messages but I didn't think anything of it. It was a long flight. I was drinking with my dad, having a good time together. Her and I planned to call that night so she could tell me all about her trip. I was excited. I had been looking forward to hearing her voice for weeks. I step out to take the call, and before I can even greet her I'm met with a monotone reading of a prewritten letter. As soon as I realize what's happening, I tune out. Just like last fall. Same words almost exactly. I let her finish, and say goodbye. No point in fighting. I had already done this before. She said she still loved me and cared for me, but I know she was just saving face. In one of our last text exchanges before the call, she said she loved me as if nothing was wrong. I can never forgive her for blindsiding me knowing my worst fear was to have a repeat of last fall.
Ever since then, I've been in a deep depression. I got in contact with a therapist immediately after the breakup. I don't think I can go it alone again. Almost every day I've woken up with pain in my heart. I never fail to have an anxiety attack at some point in the day. I can't go in public anymore without a heart-splitting sinking feeling in my chest. The only time I feel truly okay is when I'm getting high or drinking with friends.
I had been doing better the last week or so, feeling good about what's to come. In my sessions with my therapist I had been forced to relive some of the pain I had experienced in college and with my parents, A, and D. I'm very anxiously attached, but even in spite of my efforts to change I am always met with abandonment.
Today I checked my email as per usual only to find that I had been passed by for my dream campus job for this year. To really kick me while I'm down though, the school I attend decided to pull all of my financial aid due to my academic missteps in my first semester there. No income, and now no aid.
I have been having debilitating anxiety attacks almost every day, but the one I had only an hour ago really takes the cake. I screamed and cried to the point that I lost my voice and red and purple dots appeared around my eyes. In this new bout of depression I've been experiencing I haven't once considered self-harm or suicide. I even told my therapist this. But today I'm considering it. I don't think I ever could though, I don't want to hurt anyone. It just feels like for every win I have I'm beat straight into the ground again. I'm a good person. I've been a good person. I really don't feel like I deserve this. Still, I don't think I have anything going for me in this life.
I don't expect anyone to read this in its entirety, but if you did, thank you. If anybody has any kind words or support, that would be greatly appreciated.
​
| 4 |
My existential crisis
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I am 21 years old, go to uni have a fairly steady life, have a normal and loving family, I am in good health, go to the gym everyday, but I feel this constant fear of reality being fake or false and something being wrong with it causing me heart wrenching anxiety and sleep apnea
Which I've never had before and It all probably started from the trauma I've probably received from doing weed and hash for the first time a couple of months ago and have felt a slight disconnection from reality and loosing my sense of self( I feel really weird and tense writing this right now too its scary honestly but I'm dealing with it) well it all began when I got curious in trying out drugs so I started with hash and that really fucked up my pre conceived notions about drugs they were something entirely different I could've never thought they would be something like this, I really enjoyed my first time for the most part by the end of I didn't wanna sit down or walk I was getting very dizzy so i went to sleep, the second time I tried weed and I went into it thinking that I really acted all crazy the last time I tried hash so I'll just stay quite and enjoy the buzz but weed turned out to be a whole different monster it really was a trip for me I just couldn't say anything or move around much my mood completely crashed and I was just crawled up against the wall on my bed and looking out into blank space, my friend just made me sleep (which I'm glad he did) as I fell asleep (which was really fucking scary) I saw the world collapse in it if itself and reality breaking down into nothing inside my head and the last thing I remember were patterns like kalaidoscopes and boom I am awake again I had already slept and it was the next morning no dreams it was quick
The second time I tried weed I was excited I was happy and eager and went into thinking I'll have a shit ton of fun with my friend and we did have fun only for the first 40 minutes i dont remember what triggerd it it just happened I was eating something and I couldn't swallow my friend noticed it and told me to swallow I didn't choke on the food I just spewed it out tho then it just went all haywire everything was making sense and no sense at the same time it was like I could see the world just like new borns do like i had never experienced reality or consciousness before, it really freaked me out i was trying to hang onto my life it felt like, I kept looking into the mirror to check if I was real and I hadn't forgotten my face, as I was speaking all the words felt new to me yet at the same time I knew about them and what they meant but they really felt weird like i was hearing a new language the first time and I continued to freak out for the next hour or so (Btw time felt weird as well the freak out lasted an hour or so but it felt like an eternity, and I could feel my brain light up in different parts like feeling the electricity ) I calmed down a bit, but I also completely freaked out my friend because he had never seen anyone to act like i was acting on drugs, the other thing was as I got sleepy I couldn't sleep because I thought i would die I could feel my consciousness being deleted it almost felt like, and I even wrote some creepy stuff (which I don't remember) in my phone like a note from me from a different life saying that I shouldn't sleep or one of us would get deleted (which I know sounds insane) I somehow went to sleep that night the next day I was still kinda high but ok I guess but felt very disconnected from reality and felt like an imposter in my own body, it's been 4 months now I have done any drugs since and I also quit nicotine for good, I have not forgotten my experience yet I still feel a fear a burn in my heart evertime I think about life and existence it's weird, my friend d told me maybe that my mind is weak and I shouldn't do drugs which I completely agree with and he also said maybe i have past trauma in my life that why I couldve had that reaction, which I can understand because my family didn't used to be very stable and I have suffered though it my entire childhood with a mother who is too much of a parent and a father whose not much of a parent at all, I have also suffered from sexual abuse as a child but I don't think about these things anymore and they didn't have much of an affect on me now I've dealt with them in my own way
Please help me I feel like I will go insane someday
But writing this post has definitely helped me
Thank you for reading it.
| 2 |
Bipolar 2 and Ketamine Treatment Thoughts
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Hi there, I am back on my bipolar and anxiety medication as I was off it because I was pregnant. Anyway, I'm in a depressive episode and I'm looking for help and saw micro dosing ketamine clinics for those with depression and anxiety. Will this help with my depressive episode? Also would you go to a clinic or to your psychologist for this? I was looking and in my state they have a ketamine treatment resort for 2 weeks.... I don't know what to do to get me our of this dark hole. Any help would be appreciated.
Thank you to anyone who responds!
| 1 |
How do I fix my anger
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Really scared of being alone and losing everybody around me. How do I calm my anger
| 2 |
Tired and alone.
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Hello. This is the first time I have ever posted something like this.
I'm 21 years old male. I am so tired. I am tired of working, I am tired of being alone, I am tired of being lonely. I have never had a girlfriend. I'm scared of being rejected I guess, I can't speak to people because I don't know how. I don't want to be alone anymore, I don't know how long I want to live in this world anymore. I'm so fucking tired. What I'm I supposed too do? I don't have a problem with money. But I don't know what to do, i don't have anyone to talk to, I just sit in my chair an play videogames to escape i guess, but that is getting boring as well. I don't even know why I'm writing this, I need something, someone to talk to or just be with. To help me with what in supposed to do. To encourage me. I want to feel what love is. Again I don't know why I'm writing this. I apologize for the long and confusing text.
| 1 |
Anxiety over lack of consistency?
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So, I do online roleplay with friends. I adore it, and I often become sorta obsessed with the plots and stories (I have adhd so I suppose it's hyperfixation). When replies are pretty consistent, everything is okay. As is to be expected though, sometimes people get busy and that consistency breaks. It feels like such a stupid thing, but this causes me a lot of distress. I get extremely anxious, depressed, fearful, etc. I worry, "are they losing interest?" "Do they not like me anymore?" "Will the consistency ever come back?" "Are they pulling away?" Etc. I think there's a feeling of safety in consistency for me, and when it's gone, I don't really know how to cope. I try so hard to keep it inside, but it becomes overwhelming to the point I find myself engaging in bad habits, like texting repeatedly to try to get their attention, asking questions often, reassurance seeking, and so on. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy, as these things often drive people away. So now I find myself seeking reassurance that I'm not bothering them as well.
It's usually one person who I kinda latch onto like this. It may be partially because of a friend I had years ago, who I was codependent with and who often would use abandonment or lack of consistency to cause me distress. It really kicked up after that relationship.
I looked up anxious attachment some time ago, and I literally have every symptom. The only difference is I get it with friends and with my roleplay hobby.
I feel so selfish and stupid having these problems, and I often blame myself.
"If I just tried harder, I could bottle it up and they wouldn't have to deal with this stupidity."
I've tried to do just that, but inevitably I break. This causes me to blame myself constantly, and fuels a cycle of self-hatred.
Has anyone else had similar issues? What do I do? I'm going to go to therapy soon, but I really need some advice in the meantime.
| 1 |
Fellow panickers: do you mask your panic attacks?
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Here I was thinking I hadn't suffered a panic attack in years, because they used to involve loud sobbing and hyperventilating.
But today I had my third appmt with my new case manager, and to my surprise, she noticed immediately when I got triggered (hopelessness of yet another potential help resource proving unavailable to me yet again). She asked, "Are you having a panic attack?"
I realized yes, I was. The only thing different now is that I trained myself to mask it. All the symptoms are there, but I breathe far more slowly than usual--without trying. Conditioned.
You'd think that would be a good thing, but I feel like my chest is being compressed, heart pounding, zoning out staring toward the floor, thoughts racing, intrusive images of hurting myself, all the while it doesn't feel 100% real, like I'm not fully there. Dissociating.
She's the first person who ever noticed. Somewhere my masking in general became involuntary--I can't stop anymore. Even during a panic attack, sometimes I can even continue a small conversation, even be humorous.
I wish I could stop this. I wish I could be real. But it's not safe.
| 2 |
I feel a little selfish
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I love my mom but there are times where's she's a lot and I just can't take it. She cook and cleans for me she even. Helps me be a better person and then boost this like it's a charity event. Just this morning he asked me if I was gonna do another 30 day thing( it was basically working on routine and and doing thing for a month straight without stopping). The one that we did before was push ups but the 30 days are over and now I need to do something else. My plan was gonna be a film for 30 days straight plus more bc its helps with my career. But that was before I broke my phone and laptop and need to get a new one. After I didn't answer her question she went ahead and Said how I only do thing with her and that she was helping me by doing they 30 day challenge and how im just a person that only does things with other people but don't care to do it myself. Witch is not true I rather of did something else but she's my mom and ik if I told her I don't wanna do it she was gonna call me fat and that I'll never lose weight.
She keeps threatening to kick me out bc its hard for me to clean my room sometimes. Idk what it is but sometimes I just forget or it's mental hard for me to do it. Like I need to clean my toilet. 1 I just remembered and two I also need to do 80 other things. If my mom forgets to do something we never degrade her and call her names. We just say ook and hope she remembers next time.
But I just feel so bad bc she does a lot for me and I hate when she yells at me but im trying.
When does trying yout best pay off?
It's doesn't....
| 1 |
Do I have a problem?
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About a year ago my ex gf and I broke up and I still feel like I haven't gotten over her. I broke up with her but she ended up getting of the waitlist to an Ivy League and ended up moving. I used to hear from her every few months after the break up, but now it's almost non-existent. Still with it being a year now, I still haven't gotten over her. While being single I have always constantly at least been sexually active with three different girls every month, and have been on countless dates. Although it's been fun, I feel like I've been swimming in circles even though I know for a fact none of the girls I've met have been anything close to what I'm looking for. Is this a problem that I'm doing this? I'm 25 by the way.
| 1 |
Communication Issue
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Think of when you’re in conversation with people and you usually respond almost immediately with words of any kind. I can’t do that. People have this ability to just talk about anything and move from one topic to the next. I can’t figure out why it is that I can’t just join in and say words. It’s not that I’m afraid to say something or think that what I’ll say won’t be valued. My mind is literally blank, I do not have words to say in the first place. Does that make sense? Does anyone else have this issue? I feel like I don’t know anything and it’s been making me feel inferior. Any advice or help?
| 1 |
Not vibing
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Having my first proper crying breakdown since I decided to try and get better. I haven't relapsed in 18 days and I haven't cried like this. I feel like there's been some sort of block.
| 1 |
Help, I feel as if I need someone to bully me so I can improve
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Hi all.
I needed a space to get this out, as well as to see if I’m alone, or even if it’s healthy.
I have a wonderful family, great friends, a partner who is absolutely amazing. I have a pretty good job objectively, and I’m generally healthy.
Yet, I hate myself. I don’t think I’m doing good enough. If I was an A/B student, I should have been an A+. I have an apartment, it should be a house. I have a master’s degree, should be a doctorate. I have a couple of hobbies, they should be a thriving side business. I should have published a book, or finally worked on my art.
Any time someone tries to give neutral/positive affirmations, or I try the self-acceptance exercises given to me by therapists, it doesn’t motivate me to change myself. It’s like, I know I’m loved as I am as a waste of potential, so why would I feel the need to make more of myself?
I feel like I need to be bullied. Call me useless, call me a failure, and I feel more compelled to try and do better.
I don’t know if anyone else has ever felt this way, or even if it’s healthy to encourage others to be hypercritical to me so I can improve myself.
Thanks for letting me have the space to get it out
| 4 |
I've been given a second chance and I don't know what to feel
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Context: I am 18 year old trans fem from India. The last two years of highschool here (16-18) are crucial to get into a good University. I'm not diagnosed with anything that's because I haven't seeked any therapist.
Anyways, I've been depressed ( self diagnosed but I would be surprised if it's not) for the last three years (15-18) and thus have not been performing my best in my studies. I think gender dysphoria has a major component to do with it. Because in those last 3 years, my body hair has increased a lot which is a major source of dysphoria for me. Anyways I've been feeling suicidal for the past 6 months and the only reason I've survived is that the only method that was available to me has high chance of failure and can cause a lot of suffering. If I had access to a gun I would've been dead.
For the past few years I had hope that when I turned 18 I could start HRT and could then be happy. My birthdate is in March. So ever since 2023 I've been dreading that day because I knew I couldn't start HRT due to circumstances. Basically all the college entrance exams also started along that time so I knew the complications of also having to come out to my parents, start the process of HRT and focus on my entrances could cause a lot of things so I delayed coming out and starting HRT. But my hope for moving forward had always been that I would start HRT when I turn 18 . Now that hope was gone I couldn't deal with dysphoria. It led to me being suicidal for the past 6 months. That obviously effected my entrance exams.I failed miserably. Yhe college which I was planning to go to happened to be very transphobic ( I came to know this information by a senior trans fem who couldn't transition in that college) that meant I potentially had to wait 4 years to transition. I was devestated.
That's until the very last entrance exam which happened in june. I had given up on all hopes and thought that I wouldn't survive till the end of the year. I had nothing to lose. And then I got a good score and got into one of the best engineering colleges in India which has a very trans friendly policies. I basically received a second chance, and I can transition soon.
I still feel depressed and dysphoria is still kicking me. I don't want to kms anymore so that's a plus. I've gained a little hope but then I fear that I am going to screw this opportunity again. I don't know what I want anymore.
| 2 |
I almost died and I don't know how to feel about it
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So, 3 days ago, I almost drowned in a river. We went swimming, I went farther out into the river and I couldn't stay afloat anymore, and I started going down. I am an amateur swimmer, if at all. I struggled for a couple minutes and thankfully a friend of mine, who was much experienced in swimming saw me and saved me, during which, both of us almost drowned. The light went away and everything was dark and I was unconscious for a little bit. I am very grateful to my friend, really.
But, now, I feel like I should not have been saved, I should have died there. I have been struggling with dark thoughts for some time, I was worried I was suicidal, and now I am more 'scared' I guess, about acting on it. I have never been clinically diagnosed, I only went to one therapy session once, and where I come from, continuing therapy really takes a toll on your wallet. I am completing my master's right now, and I am currently unemployed, so I don't want to put pressure on my family.
I simply do not know what to do, and I just want to do something that makes it better for me as well as people around me. I have trouble sleeping, and I find myself constantly contemplating some really dark thoughts.
| 1 |
I feel truly miserable, therefore I have decided to take the matter into my own hands and start a grand self-improvement journey to tackle all of my problems. The question is, where do I start?
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Hello there chaps! My name is Patrick and I am an absolutely miserable 18 year-old male, yet I now actually want to feel good for a change!
Unfortunately, I do not know how to begin what people would call a self-improvement journey, and I thought perhaps somebody from here could help. Let me describe my situation in a few words.
I have always been an odd one, with my own little hobbies that meant the world to me. I am quite passionate about a few concepts, and so I believe I have my own values, my own worldview that is centered around acquiring knowledge, self-improvement and, of course, building meaningful relationships with other people.
Life, however, is not going well for me. I never had much interaction with other kids when I was little, and my dad leaving when I was 7 didn't help either. My teen years came, though, with many, many problems which still plague me to this day.
My self-esteem is as low as it can be, I truly have no confidence and hate myself, and thus I became a people pleaser, always apologizing for no reason, always suspecting others secretely hate me, and in general, I can say that I have an unsatiable hunger for external validation. Me getting good grades or working tirelessly to impress others? That's the only thing that made me feel good about myself. Oh, and I also suffer from fragile masculinity, so me being male also lowers my self-esteem.
All this stress and anxiety that comes with the confidence issues has damaged my physical health and my relationships with others. It's hard for me to socialise without talking too much about myself in order to perhaps, get others to be impressed and like me. I have been called a narcisist, insensitive, and stuck-up, even though all I ever wanted was to feel loved by others, to feel accepted and understood, to be part of a social circle that always has my back. That is a normal human desire, I believe.
It is thus very difficult for me to have a normal relationships due to me needing constant validation and wanting to prove myself over and over again, which some see as individualistic since they don't feel that I care about them, even though I care about other people more than about me, much, much more.
There are also a great deal of people who straight up make fun of me and see me as... weird, and different, why? Due to me holding a speech about the humanity's global problems at a school show. Yeah, what can I say, I love everyone but everyone, including myself, seems to hate me. And I want to change that
The question is, what now? What do I do, how do I fix this, how do I fix... myself? What do I do in order to start acting and... feeling, like a normal person?
I like step by step journeys, so if you have experience, please, do tell me, what are the steps towards becoming a better version of myself, without any of these problems, who loves himself and doesn't act unhinged in social situations due to uncountable insecurities?
| 2 |
Am I the issue?
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I hate how I feel right now. I hate that I don’t know if I’m being a nuisance to the people I care about. I told my family that I feel like they don’t care about me when they didn’t realize that I was gone for 5 minutes after having an issue with my metro card. For context, there are three people in my family. They got mad at me and said I was being dramatic when I finally met them on the platform. Sometimes, I’ll tell my friends about something that happened throughout my day, and they’ll just ghost me. Meanwhile, I love talking to them about their lives. Maybe I am too sensitive, but I feel invisible. I feel like I might be too emotionally dependent on people in general, but I’ve been this way my whole life, and I don’t know how to stop. It feels awful. I feel like a piece of shit, and I just want to feel happy and content, but do I deserve it if I’m just a walking piece of shit? Why are my days filled with such meaninglessness? All I do is bring trouble to my friends, family, and the people around me. My friends and family don’t deserve to have me in their life as a ticking time bomb. I told myself I was going to be so productive during the summer but all I am is a lazy sack of scum. God this is the lowest my self-esteem has ever been.
Sorry to whoever reads this.
| 1 |
I feel like I'm an annoyance to everyone around me.
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I rarely talk to my family or friends, and when I do it ends very quickly. Whenever my dad, mom, or older sibling tries to have a conversation with me, I immediately want to stop the discussion right there and so I reply in low mumbling which tells them that I don't want to talk. I feel so selfish that I rely so much on my parents to take care of me and yet I indirectly demand that I be left alone in my room and to not be interacted with. Even with my friends I don't really talk a lot with. I only have four people that I know from school that I am in contact with, but I barely chat with any of them and I hate having to go on calls with them on discord and replying back to their DMs. I know that I'm trying to distance myself from everyone that I know and in the process I'm making them feel bad and irritated at the same time. I don't even know what I'm trying to do by posting this, but I just feel mixed about my current relationship with everyone "close" to me and I guess I need to vent this out somewhere.
| 2 |
What is the point of Living
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Of late i feel like my situation has gone even more bad. I have no motivation. No drive in life. Have cut off socially. Just lay down on my bed all day. I kinda feel like i am becoming more of a financial burden on my parents. So what is the point of living on this miserable life. Isn't it better if i just end it
| 1 |
How to deal with Imposter Syndrome in the Workplace?
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I frequently find myself doubting my qualifications and feeling undeserving of my job, which, in turn, affects my confidence and productivity.
I'm reaching out to this supportive community to seek advice, tips, and personal experiences on how to overcome these feelings and boost self-esteem in the workplace. Have any of you faced similar challenges? How did you navigate through imposter syndrome? Are there any strategies or techniques that have worked for you?
Thank you in advance for your contributions!
| 12 |
Does anyone know if RAINN or any other related organizations are helpful.
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I need to know. One of my cousins currently internet stalks me.
| 1 |
Give me something to do other than sh
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I (F16, almost 17) haven’t sh in a month and I’ve done a pretty good job of fighting off the urge but it just gets harder and harder. And coming to terms with the fact that I rarely had a childhood because my parents put a lot of responsibility is so incredibly difficult. Each day I try to ease out of responsibility and it’s so hard because it makes me feel like an asshole because I just want to help. But I also want to show that none of this is my responsibility. And sh feels like the only way to truly get my feelings out.
I’m not sure if what I said to my mother the other day factors into this. I told her how I felt about a situation with my older brother where I felt like I was responsible for him. She didn’t even say sorry. She just said that she just saw that I was ‘available’ and that she didn’t know I felt overwhelmed about it.
Anyways any help is appreciated
| 1 |
capitalism makes me passively suicidal
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i work a min wage job in the city. it sucks. my bosses get mad when i use my phone or sketchbok. my 73 yr old coworker fell today and i had to call the ambulance. it was very scary. i have a lot of medical trauma, so i was so scared and dissociated so hard.
i cant help but to feel im running in circles. since i dropped out of college in 2020 cus covid + i was an addict + mental health, i have been working shit jobs to make rent. i am miserable.
i am sober. ive been taking my meds, and doing art, and ttalking with a therapist, all the good stuff. i still just cant rock the feeling of dread when i have to go to work. i dont have a dream job. i want to be a tat artist, but i found out i have a physical health condition and it may be a bad idea to even get more tattoos. that really pains me.
i dont see the point of living, but i don't care to kill myself. i just want it to end. i hate this country, i hate how this world is, i hate how i spent so much money to live. i want out. i really want out.
anyone have any advice how to deal w/ suicidality triggered from capitalism? its truly so inescapable. but god, i am filled w/ dread every day.
| 1 |
I keep finding evidence that I'm a toxic narcissist
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I ended a relationship and I keep questioning whether I was the bad person who gaslighted him or whether I was in the right.
I keep googling things and reading about narcissism, and there are always things I see in myself. I also have social anxiety, and in the spiritual world, there is a lot of talk about how social anxiety is related to having a big ego..
Anyway, I guess I have some form of toxic shame, it's like I am looking for clues that I am a Narcissist, that I have ulterior motives, that deep down, I am just bad.
I really want to get better. But I don't know what it is I need to fix.
People say that narcissists should carr more about other people, but it feels fake to use other people as a way to "charitably" make myself feel better. I want to get out of my head but I feel like I need to fix something deep in my soul, so that I finally feel like I deserve to feel good.
I hate feeling so guilty, but I can't pinpoint what I feel guilty about. I just feel like I'm all wrong.
I want peoples approval all the time that I'm not bad..
| 2 |
Need some encouraging words from moms/grandmas
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I am having a really rough time emotionally. My mom died 3 years ago and she was my rock. I have a great dad, brother, and boyfriend but I really crave that motherly love. I hope this isn't weird but if anyone is a mom/grandma I would really appreciate some loving encoraging comments.
| 2 |
There is something seriously wrong with me.
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I have known my entire life that something is seriously wrong with me. However I'll be turning 33 (male) in a few weeks and as I'm no longer "young"- I can confirm something is truly wrong with me, or at least a massive deviation from what is considered "normal" amongst the vast majority of people.
I've only been in one formal relationship for a year when I was 16, with a woman. I considered it a "real" relationship. And on and off for a couple of years I had a sort of "more than friends" relationship with a woman from age 28-32. We were never in a formal relationship but we were more than friends. Although this "relationship" was more often than not- toxic and involving alcohol and drugs.
Now I am almost completely sober, I barely drink (I was a severe alcoholic for about 5 years). As I continue to become more committed to sobriety I am noticing that I genuinely don't have any friends anymore. I don't even try to find a partner because- here's the thing. Although I have been with two women romantically/ sexually- I am definitely a homosexual, at least sexually I am much more attracted to men, I think. (At least when I'm watching adult movies, if you know what I mean.) I look at the men in the movies about 80%, and the women about 20%. However- I believe I'm genuinely romantically and emotionally MUCH more attracted to women. And not in a way that gay men befriend women more than men. I mean I have genuinely been in love with a woman and I've never been in love with a man. But- I have been very sexually attracted to men. There's one man I am totally sexually into (he's totally straight, so there's no chance of us hooking up.) But emotionally I feel nothing for him.
I actually feel literally nothing for all men. Even if I am very attracted to a man sexually. Emotionally I feel nothing. And this is the problem. I can't imagine ever dating a man, because of this reason. I haven't been involved sexually with a man for about five years. Because most of the time (not always)- plumbing "down there" didnt work. (If you know what I mean.) It's the same case with women, most of the time (not always)- the plumbing down there didnt work. So I was very embarassed and I just stopped trying. And I'm scared to try again. So instead I watch movies by myself, and "have fun" by myself instead of hooking up with people. If you get what I mean. (Sorry for the euphanisms I am not sure how strict Reddit is, lol.)
I try to talk to men on Tinder and I just give up because I feel ridiculous. No matter how hard I try to like myself or tell myself I am worthy of a partner and happiness- I just can't get there. It's infuriating. I can't take it anymore. And if I were to hook up with a man and my junk doesn't work again I will not be able to handle it. I'll lose my mind. I can't take th embarassment.
I hate sex. I wish it didn't exist. I love cuddling. I love being intimate in non-sexual ways...just being sensual and physically close. I hate the expectations of sex, especially as a man being expected to perform. And the embarassment of having difficulties.
I'm so sick of laying in bed alone, like a loser, at age almost 33, with no "ex's" to speak of like everyone else, no relationship because I'm literally totally mental. When I'm not working I literally just lay in bed alone and watch movies and play video games. And scroll on my phone. I know deep down I'll be alone forever because I'm profoundly broken mentally.
I have a ton of trauma and I don't even know how I'm alive- my mom died by suicide when I was 18, my dad was a horrible person who verbally abused me my entire life. Both my parente neglected me in every horrible way possible. My mother was a alcohol and drug addict throughout my entire teenage years. I barely speak to my father now. I have no concept of normalcy or what it feels like to be loved.
I have been formally diagnosed with ADHD (a few months ago) and BPD (a year or so ago).
If anyone has read all of this thank you so much and any advice would be helpful. Thank you!
| 5 |
How to get my life back on track if I got effed over too many times and I’m in my 20s
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Any detailed advice would be appreciated.
| 1 |
I think I snapped out of a depressive spiral 2 days ago.
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Last friday, I had something said to me that I think put me in a depressive spiral. Normally, that kind of comment wouldn't have bothered me to this extent, but for some reason I just dove off the deep end. Over the entire weekend, I couldn't focus on 15 second tiktoks because I would zone out and imagine different ways I'd take my own life. I found myself seriously contemplating what methods, when I'd do it, ect. I've been sucidal mutiple times before, but nothing to this extent. Before, I would just fantasize what it'd be like to be finally free from the pain. What happened last weekend was nothing like that. I was researching was to self-harm, thinking about what kind of methods I have access to, and what time of day I'd do it. It was honestly extremely scary, but no matter how hard I fought against it I just kept falling deeper and deeper. I felt like I was going insane.
I've got access to a therapist, but I don't trust her because she's my mom's therapist and I don't want anything I say in those appointments to affect anything that happens in hers. Also, that therapist is Christian, which I respect, so she says things like I just have to trust God will see me through my struggles. I understand that some people would be comforted by that but for every single time I was sucidal in the past, *I* was the one who snapped myself out of it. No one else fought as hard for me to live than I did. So I don't think she'd be a good fit for me.
How do I bring this up to my parents? I don't want to spiral again, but I also don't exactly tend to trust them to the fullest extent of the word. My mother tends to take all of my problems as a personal attack, so she gets really agressive, and my father doesn't really do anything to defend me.
If it wasn't obvious by the contents of this post (and if it helps in any way), I'm a teenager.
| 1 |
I’m still experiencing debilitating levels of shame over something that happened a year ago
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There’s one particular day in my life that brings me immense amounts of shame whenever I think back to it. I still haven’t gotten over it even though this day was over a year ago now. I even remember the exact date of this day because it was so significant to me in all the wrong ways (I’m not posting the exact date here out of paranoia that the person I’m talking about will somehow find this, but it was mid 2022)
Here’s what happened on that day:
I was at a social event, and my best friend at the time walks into the event a bit later crying their eyes out as they were stressing over a situation that happened about 5 minutes prior. People were scattered around the room so not everyone immediately noticed or paid attention so I was the first person to go up to them and console them and ask what happened.
And well, basically the reason I feel so much shame over this day is because I said ALL the wrong things to try and make them feel better. I didn’t have many friends at all growing up and had no experience with emotional support but holy jesus fuck I said the most ridiculous unhelpful shit and I look back and I just think wtf was I thinking and I hate myself so much for being such an idiot several times in a row saying the most unhelpful things several times in a row. I remember being so so nervous trying to do the right thing but instead just making everything worse and I’m not even gonna repeat the kinds of things i was saying/doing to try make them feel better because I’m so embarrassed by it
Eventually things got too much for my friend so they told me to leave them alone and that they dont want to talk to me because im stressing them out too much and was making things worse. I was really hurt by that but I did as they asked and left them alone. A moment later I saw someone completely different walk up to my friend and try to console them and she seemed to do a much better job because my friend was smiling again within 5 minutes.
On one hand I was glad my friend was feeling better, but all the severe guilt and shame I felt in that moment was overwhelming. I felt so inferior to the person who made my friend feel better. I felt so useless and problematic that I almost started crying myself because I couldn’t take it and I hated myself.
I remember coming home from that social and crying my eyes out in my room for hours on end because I felt so useless and inferior and horrible about myself for not being able to help my friend and for saying all of the wrong things.
I also remember this situation coming up again while talking to my friend several months later, and I took that as a chance to tell them how I felt about it (though i didn’t tell them everything because I didn’t wanna make them feel guilty). They told me that even though i might not have said the right things I still tried my best to help which they appreciated a lot especially when most ppl in the room didnt even acknowledge it. They were very accepting of my feelings and dont hold anything against me which helped a lot
… but i don’t think that anything they say will free me from this residual damage that I’m still feeling a year later because of this event. Me and this person are no longer as close and honestly a big part of the reason why is because I feel ashamed whenever I’m around them because I feel like I’ve messed up too many times in this friendship, even though it’s all in my head and my friend clearly doesn’t care nearly as much about these fuckups as I do.
I know I need therapy and am getting it soon, but I have so many issues in my life that idk where to even start :(
| 1 |
Wishing you well
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Hey everyone,
In this moment I'm having a particularly challenging time. I'm experiencing severe burnout and my mind body and soul feel beyond exhausted.
I know you may also be facing some challenges and I wanted to say thanks for being around and thanks for holding on when you thought you couldn't. I am wishing you the absolute best and I hope that you're able to healthily navigate what you're currently experiencing.
I'm rooting for you and you're loved.
| 11 |
I can’t adjust after moving somewhere I don’t like
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It’s been about a month since I moved after graduating from boarding school and into my grandmothers house, where my parents have been for the last year. We sold our house last year under the assumption that we would be moving to London because of my dad’s job. Unfortunately, plans changed, and we were unable to make the move. Now, we are living with my grandma for the foreseeable future, at least until next year when my parents plan to move out west. Since I moved in, I have been suffering from anxiety, insomnia, and recently symptoms of depression. I have never had problems with anxiety or depression, so this is all new. I have done a lot of thinking and research on my situation, and I have come to the conclusion that these emotions might be caused by my living situation, specifically how I dislike the area we live in now, and how stuck I am for the time being. Just knowing I’m in a place that I don’t like for so many reasons, specifically how much of a downgrade it is from where we lived beforehand (where I spent all my life before moving), has really demoralized and demotivated me. Has anyone else ever had to deal with this kind of stuff? So much I’ve read says that moving anxiety/stress/depression is common, but I feel so alone right now.
| 1 |
need some recovery stories
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I'm currently in recovery from a really bad depressive episode and a suicide attempt and as much as i am getting help and putting in the work it's sometimes hard for me to believe it's ever gonna get better :(
Anyone out there who also struggled horribly with their mental health and did recover and is now leading a (relatively) happy life?
It would really give me a lot of hope to hear about it.
| 4 |
I have been denied therapy/ had it postponed so that I can work on my substance abuse but the reasons I abuse substances is to deal with my mental health. I don't feel like I can stop but I need therapy.
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TLDR: I need to stay sober before I can work with a therapist, but I use substances to deal with my mental health. I cannot "raw dog" my thoughts, I cannot escape them and I can't talk to a professional about it. Eventually it builds up until I break and use substances. It feels like a stupid cycle that I am stuck in. I am making no progress with anything and I am tired.
​
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Firstly I understand why this has happened. Substances effect your being and will make the therapy less effective/ ineffective even if you aren't currently on them. I get that, why would you hammer nails with a floppy hammer when you could use a sturdy one. I need to be clean and clear to take make the most of the time I spend with therapists and I want to be, but I cannot deal with my thoughts sober and I also cannot work on them with professionals because I am not sober.
I feel like my sobriety and mental health are intrinsically linked; I drink and smoke because I hate myself and I hate the world, if I could understand and develop better mechanisms to deal with my mental health I wouldn't drink/smoke for the wrong reasons. Working on one without the other feels like a waste of time (I don't think its an actual waste of time. Working on anything is good, but I cannot think of another analogy/ buzzword right now so that will have to do). I can keep myself distracted from 7am-6pm but after that, and on weekends, I cannot escape my thoughts and that's when I drink.
​
I recently had a moment where I broke after staying sober for close to a month. There was an issue I needed to speak to a professional about but I couldn't because I need to stay sober so the problem grew in my mind until I couldn't stop myself from crying and shaking. I forgot about the sobriety, my phone, and the food I was cooking and I ran to buy anything I could get hold off. I know I could have spoken to friends and family about it rather than a professional but I can't stand the thought of putting that on them. I did in the end, but only because my best mate showed up randomly to check in. IDK how much more I would have drank/smoked etc if they didn't pop in. I hate that I put that on him, its not his burden to shoulder.
| 3 |
I have never felt so empty
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Over these last few weeks I have been getting to know the girl that I have confessed to better although she said she was not ready, she allowed me to tell her my feelings as much as I want now. We seemed to have chemistry, blushing whenever we flirt or hug. I was so happy for the first week. I felt comfortable letting out my emotions and complimenting her, I have to admit I was going fast in the relationship. She mentioned it and I agreed to slow down our relationship. We texted every day, calling once in a while when her parents were watching movies. And we had alot of fun, those calls I still remember. We were laughing, having long conversations and playing games with each other. And it seemed like I was doing good as her friends said that she liked me and considered going out with me. Of course I was extatic. A few weeks later was a final school trip before the end of the year. I made alot of progress, we were chasing each other, having long conversations on a bench over viewing a football field and having a good time. I thought that we had alot of chemistry. And the final trip was to watch a movie. I held her hand in that cinema. And she leaned her head on me. I invited her to go around the mall, and we had fun. I ended up taking her home and we had a final hug. After that I was home. I texted her, now throughout the start of out relationship she mentioned a worry that I would be hurt due to her, but I pressed on. I really liked her and I couldn't give up. And she mentioned it again. I go on saying I would still want to continue pursuing our relationship. After that, she said when we hugged and when she leaned on my shoulder. She felt nothing. I didn't know how to reply, I said i didn't care and I was still going to go ahead, but really. I was hurt, I thought she had begun to finally like me and get used to me, this was not the case. Summer break had started and It was going well. We had long conversations and voice calls as I had stated before. But as the summer break went on, her messages got drier, and drier. I was worried. Had she lost interest? She had. She stated she didnt have feelings for me and I should give up. But this time it felt more serious. I could not say I could continue now. It was serious. I agreed and I gave up, I held back my tears but confessed to my brother. He comforted me but I felt nothing, for I hadn't processed the situation. I asked a fake friend which was a friend of hers, what should I do? My friend was concerned, and asked her directly. She said that there wasn't spark in our relationship anymore. And she simply wasn't interested in me. I was devastated and I hadn't been able to process this yet, I'm asking for help for what I should do. I don't feel anything, yet my emotions change rapidly. I could feel empty, sad, angry and then empty again in a matter of minutes, my hobbies don't give me joy anymore. It's only been a few hours but. I cannot do anything. I don't know what to feel, I keep going back on how I could've had a chance, but now ghat chance with her is so far gone. My progress meant nothing. I have cried 5 times, stopping and continuing throughout the day. I don't know what to feel.
| 1 |
Did I get over depression?
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If I was severely depressed for a couple months without anyone really knowing the severity of it and I then I mostly overcame it by telling myself I got better did I overcome depression. I’m really just wondering if it will come back again or if I actually kind of cured myself.
| 1 |
Trigger warning, sh ect
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My (22) bf (23) of 4 years said I’m childish for sh’ing and I shouldn’t be doing it because I’m an adult.. what should I think? How should I react??
Maybe it’s stupid but I feel a little heartbroken?? Like why won’t he be there for me and try to understand, or am I asking too much?
Just to add. He knows I have mental health issues and he knows I have history with sh, also I’ve been hospital due to ending one’s life career (don’t want to say it blatantly incase it gets taken down lol sorry)
TIA, have a good day!☺️🤍
| 1 |
I'm breaking down over a cheeseburger
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I'm so fucking tired. I've been overstimulated since noon because we were smelling gas outside and I had to keep my dog in my room so she wouldn't bother the gas man, and she was barking and that was pushing me because it was loud and in a closed space but it's whatever you know, life sucks. And we ordered food because you know smelling gas in the house you don't turn on the stove. All I wanted was a fucking cheeseburger and it came with nothing on it and it was entirely the restaurants fault and my mom had to call.
And I can't eat it because it's not safe in my mind. I haven't had it before it's not safe. It doesn't have anything on it, it was just bread and meat and now I'm breaking down in my room over a fucking cheeseburger.
I know I should be able to eat it but my brain physically won't let me. It's not something I know. It's different than what I know and trust. And I know it's stupid that I'm sitting in a dark room crying like a baby over a cheeseburger but I can't stop.
| 1 |
Feeling Lost- Please Help with Advice or Encouragement.
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Hi all. I (23F) am feeling so lost right now. I think I'm depressed honestly. I just finished a god awful school year of teaching at a horrible school. Poorly behaved and disrespectful kids (one got physical with me even) mixed with no support from admin left me feeling burnt out and extremely sad. I became very irritable, sensitive, and would sleep all the time. I would drink regularly to "relax" and cope. I have significantly cut back on it now though. I live with my boyfriend (27M) who has been extremely patient and supportive of me, despite me taking out a lot on him. In May, we went to Vegas for a concert. The last night I ended up getting drunk and high and we started arguing. I ended up damaging a door in the hotel room and we almost broke up, understandably so. I didn't recognize who I became in that moment. My parents found out and were disgusted, and I owed the hotel $500. It was one of the worst nights of my whole life if not the worst.
I immediately started therapy in May after that night, and have been going roughly twice a month since. It just seems that none of the tactics (talking it through, journaling, guided meditation and various methods of challenging counterproductive thoughts) have helped long term. They seem to help in the moment, but as soon as I finish, there is this looming sense of sadness, guilt, shame, and anxiety. Also constant mood swings. I want to cry over simple questions. My boyfriend and I have been better since then, but I think that event could have sparked some depression in me. A lot has gotten better since May. My boyfriend and I have had other fun vacations and have betting getting along well, I'm healthy (I was also struggling with Chron's disease during the school year and had four surgeries since last October) and accepted a teaching job at a much better and safer school. I just cannot seem to get or stay happy, which is completely unlike me. I have been extremely happy since childhood. I have racing and reoccurring thoughts about how I am a bad partner, I beat myself up over mistakes, and get a little OCD with spiraling with questions, asking for reassurance that he's happy, etc. He is such an amazing guy and we consider each other soulmates. I am scared to death that if I don't change, he will leave me. I want to get myself back to be better for myself and my loved ones and peers. I think I need to get on some kind of medicine to help because right now I feel like I'm drowning a bit. I'm talking to a psychologist for the first time in about an hour, so wish me luck. Any kind of advice would be greatly appreciated.
| 2 |
Thinking about getting back on anti depressants
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So I took anti depressants from 18 to 21. I got off of them because of a career change the required me not taking them. But because of circumstances I'm unsure now if I'll be able to peruse that career. So I am going back to college but these months have been and years have been extremely hard.
I have really bad pyschotic depression which is really bad symptom of major depression disorder. I hear voices all day and I think what really hurt me the most is when I lost an opportunity to be with someone due to my disorder and because i was so mentally unstable.
I also found out that I have cataracts like early signs of it for being so young so that has been making me sad my eye surgeon said I can get surgery but it would be Lasik still unsure if I should go with it.
Besides that I've been stuck in the house for 6 months and I don't have my license ( yet im still trying to pass the test so I can go out more but can't really because I live in a car driving town ).
I'm tired of having a hard time sleeping at night and whenever the winter time comes my depression gets 100 times worse even when I'm on medication and I honestly don't know why it's possibly because I'm stuck in the house with not that many outlets.
I'm thinking about sharing this with my therapist during our session. It makes me sad because I wish I would have stayed on them and I wouldn't have lost so many opportunities... I would have been more mentally sane and it also caused me not to be in touch with my emotions and not connect with people even romantically.
Anyways thanks for listening if you got this far.
| 1 |
Resistant depression? What is happening to me?
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I've been taking antidepressants for 4 years more or less and I feel I'm getting worse not better. A few months ago I went numb to the point I didn't even care for my life so I started to take a slightly lower dose to kind of wake up and I did, but all I feel now is anger, irritability, sadness and glimpses of joy followed almost inmidiately after by all of the above.
Did anyone feel the same? What should I do I went to doctors and therapist and I keep feeling this. Like I'm not able to live a normal life.
| 1 |
I think one of my children is having a psychotic/mental break
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I came out of my room to see her sitting on the ground in the kitchen. She was cleaning the trash can. But, slowly. She was just sitting there, slowly cleaning while staring at it. When I talked to her, I could tell she had been crying. I asked if she is okay and she nodded and barely spoke to me. I realized she cut patches out of her hair. She acted like even lifting the rag was heavy. She had a package delivered to the door. She half looked at me when I handed it to her and she just looked... Empty. I guess is the best way to put it. Her face was red from crying. I didn't press anymore because she has a habit of shutting down (As a child, it could last hours) when she feels cornered. She is 24 and has a 4 year old who was sitting in the living room, watching a show so I didn't want to make it any worse.
I don't know what to do. I'd be lying if I was to say it wasn't partially my fault. She had a pretty rough childhood and had been abused quite a bit. Even I wasn't the best and was verbally abusive.
I'm just not sure what do. I know she has CPTSD, dissociative issues, depression, anxiety and is precieved to have catatonic Schizoaffective bipolar 2 and maybe a personality disorder, she doesn't have full answers as different doctors go back and forth on her diagnosis.
I just don't know what to do.
| 2 |
Hurting myself is the only way to make me feel better and safe.
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Hello, I'm 22 F, I been suffering a lot of OCD and probably have bi polar or bpd idk, but I want to to explain myself expectfuly where I'm coming from.
I hate myself, I hate myself so much, idc I have bruises, cuts, scars, anything I have on my body of people to look at me weird idgaf. I been thru a lot of stuffs in my life and even been hurt even hurted people that cared about me cause I was afraid of being broken, being use was the only thing I known to. I'm not proud for what I've done, expectfuly leaving people, my mom tells me I learn things in life and it's ok, I'm a good person and I don't deserve to be hurt.
I do deserve it. I deserve all the pain I can get, idc what pain I have I feel like I deserve it, I feel like if I do it I'll be safe and be different. I don't know how many times I hit my body my eye head even cutting, all I know is that I have to do it for not bad things to happen or even deserve it. Idk what to do, I don't want to feel like this anymore but I can't stop even taking pills... ADHD and anti depressions Zoloft. I just want this feeling to go away...
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Struggling with Mental Health in my Emergency Response Job, Financial Debt, and the Impact on my Personal Life
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Hey r/mentalhealth,
I hope you're all doing well. I wanted to reach out and share my story because I'm currently in a tough spot and could really use some advice and support. I apologize in advance for the long post, but I'll do my best to provide all the necessary details.
About two years ago, I found myself drowning in an overwhelming amount of debt. It was suffocating, and I felt like I had no way out. Desperate for a solution, I stumbled upon an opportunity to work in an emergency response role. The job offered a unique schedule of working two weeks on followed by two weeks off, and the pay seemed good enough to help me tackle my debts head-on.
Fast forward to the present, and I find myself grappling with not only the financial burden but also my mental health. The nature of my work is extremely demanding and emotionally draining. I respond to emergencies, witness traumatic events, and constantly deal with high-stress situations. While I understand the importance of the work I do, it takes a significant toll on my mental well-being.
Working two weeks in such a high-pressure environment leaves me with very little time to decompress and recharge. It feels like a never-ending cycle of stress and exhaustion. On top of that, during my two weeks off, I often find myself consumed by anxiety and worrying about the next work cycle. This constant state of unease is impacting every aspect of my life.
Not only does this job take a toll on my mental health, but it also negatively affects my personal life. The demanding schedule and the emotional weight of the job leave me with limited energy and time to devote to my relationships. My friendships and social life have taken a backseat, and I feel isolated from the support of loved ones.
In an attempt to regain some balance in my life, I have made the decision to move to a location where my friends are located. The flexibility of my job allows me to make this change, and I hope that being closer to my support network will bring some solace and joy to my personal life.
However, I'm still struggling to find a healthy work-life balance, and the financial burden of my debt continues to weigh me down. I feel trapped in this job, as it's the primary means by which I'm tackling my financial struggles. The thought of quitting terrifies me as it would mean taking a significant hit to my income and potentially plunging back into a cycle of debt.
I'm reaching out to this community because I believe in the power of shared experiences and collective wisdom. If any of you have faced similar challenges, especially in demanding jobs or high-stress environments, how did you navigate your way through it? How did you find the right balance to prioritize your mental well-being while managing your financial obligations? Additionally, if you've made a big move to be closer to loved ones, how did that impact your mental health and overall happiness?
I'm open to any advice, coping strategies, or resources you can recommend. And if you've been in a similar situation and managed to find a way out, I would love to hear your success stories. I could use some hope and inspiration right now.
Thank you for taking the time to read my post. Your support means a lot to me, and I'm grateful for this community. We're all in this together, and I believe that with the right guidance, I can overcome these challenges and regain control of my mental health and personal life.
TL;DR: I took an emergency response job with a 2-weeks-on, 2-weeks-off schedule to tackle my crippling debt. However, the stress and demands of the job are taking a toll on my mental health and personal life. I'm struggling to find a healthy work-life balance and would appreciate any advice or support from those who have been in a similar situation. I plan on moving to be closer to my friends as this job allows me to do so, and I'm curious to hear about others' experiences with big moves and the impact on mental health.
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I created something to put my trauma into
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I don’t know if I’m allowed to share this here, but I recorded myself singing and crying about rape and abuse and it feels really good to put it out there and be extremely vernerable. I guess I just want to feel heard.[I’ve attached it if you would care to hear](https://youtu.be/dD4bQluHjiM) but TW it is about rape and by the end I am just crying. But man is it a huge release
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Dealing with a product of my OCD
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OCD started during the fall of 2020 its been tough with various ups and downs but as of the past three months I can with some certainty say that its genuienly getting better. Im able to touch most people and my life at home is almost completley normal. The only thing that bothers me is someone lets call X, this person X has almost every trait I find disgusting, loud, obnoxious, overly touchy, near no empathy just absolutly disgusting in every regard. Always been troubled with feelings of hatred and disgust and fear just everything bad towards this indivudal, and in trying to avoid touching this person I have developed a very odd sense of anxiety.The feeling that this person forces this person intentionally tries to touch me ( knowing i dislike it ), with the intention of harm is so indescribably unnerving. It creates a mental image that constantly distrubs me sometimes it feels like this shit just completley ruins everything.Wanna know not only how to deal with the feeling but also the interaction in real life.
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Intrusive thoughts and real pain
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I have struggled with mental health issues for as long as I can remember, but it's not really ever been taken seriously. My parents ignored it and my mom will just smile, laugh, roll her eyes and say i'm overdramatic about it and that i'm a hypochondriac. She has never cared about my mental or physical well being so much that I had severe dehydration at one point and my mom said my symptoms were due to hypochondria. It took my grandmother taking me to the hospital to find out the issue.
Now that you see more into how things are i'll get to the details, I have been diagnosed with intrusive thoughts among other things. (Thanks to my grandma for trying to get me help) I have medical intrusive thoughts right now and it's stuff like "What if you have brain cancer?" and it won't stop and then my head actually starts hurting. It hurts every other day or sometimes days on end. It's hard to function with constant headaches and the more it's hurting the more wild my thoughts go about it. I can't tell my mom because she'll believe she was right about the hypochondria. I'm even more afraid if it got diagnosed because I feel like then I really will never be taken seriously. Not my mental health issues and not physical issues. Is this stuff just normal for intrusive thoughts to lead to real consequences or do I possibly also have hypochondria? I have nobody to talk to about these issues and they're driving me crazy.
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Got a psychological exam for my ADHD, but the results are very spread out and I'm not sure how I should feel about it...
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So I just got my psych eval results back and the results are very, very weird and are kind of concerning to me...
so basically my rear lobe IQ score is 114 for general ability, 115 for perceptual reasoning, and 110 for verbal comprehension averaging at an IQ of 113 for everything REAR lobe related.
however my frontal lobe IQ score is not as nice... working memory at 89, and processing speed at 81 averaging an IQ of 85 for the frontal lobe related processes.
that's a 28 IQ point spread between the 2 major parts of the brain. I have ADHD and working memory and processing speed scores are generally lower with ADHD, but this seems extremely drastic... the few things I could think of that might cause this issue is that I smoked cannabis for over a month quite heavily at one point, I've done shrooms, and one time during school I was checking the fuel sump and some AVGAS went into my ear (that hurt like someone was genuinely jabbing a screwdriver into my ear).
I mention the avgas incident because avgas has lead! and coinsidentally, the right side of my frontal lobe had a lower score than the left side. coincidence? maybe, but the thinking about that tiny amount of avgas going into the same ear as the side of my brain that is more deficient is a very uncomfortable feeling and I really, really hope it isn't permanent... also, I fear that cannabis may have affected my prefrontal cortex development and that is also definitely a possible cause for the low frontal lobe scores...
​
let me know what you all think. is this in any way normal? what might have f\*\*ked up my brain more and is it reversible? my psych examiner gave me suggestions on how to improve my frontal lobe scores, but I didn't tell him about my cannabis use in case it might somehow interfere with my ADHD diagnosis.
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My thoughts are scary, they telling me disturbing things
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For first i must tell that i will go to psychiatrist after years but i need help to understand what is happening with me? I remember very traumatic situations for example when i was in work. I remember concret situation and it takes some facts and changes them drastically, like that a situation wasn't wrong but it say it was pedophilic for exaple, and i belive in this, im thinking wtf is with me, im not pedophile why its telling me this? And i have thoughts that i will be arrest as an innocent person- then my mind say im guilty, and im fighting with my mind, feeling disgusting and fucked up. Please help me what should i do? What should i say to psychiatrist? They will not understand me because i don't even know what is happening with me, im extremely scared. I say again im not pedophile i want to belive im not criminalist, i was sexually abusing while i was young and had much mental problems but in theraphy i go to think that shit happens and i don't care like i was then. And i don't really want to tell about my traumatic past and explaining about to what things i was forced by family (its also my problem i feel it was all my fault and they were good for me when i was forced to do very traumatic things)
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I live in an imaginary world.
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I don't want this to be deleted. This is not an ask for a diagnosis. I would simply like some insight on what I should ask my therapist about. Thank you.
Hi reddit. I have a question. For years of my life, and I mean like, 20 of my 26 years, I've been living in an imaginary world. I figure it's a coping mechanism, but im 26 now and I still do it. Let me explain. Usually what happens is I will find a piece of media to cling to, and it becomes an obsession. I then create a character that is essentially me in that universe and I act it out every day until I find a new universe to be obsessed with. I'll jump between characters and universes daily but I'm always immersed. I can still function as normal adult (at least as 'normal' as I can with autism) and I have a regular job, I own a small business, I'm going to school full time, ect. The difference is that I'm not always me. I'm usually another character I've created. And I will, out loud, talk to other characters in these universes. I was recently diagnosed with depressive type schizoaffective disorder but I feel like this goes beyond "normal" schizophrenia. I live in these worlds and feel empty if I can't be in them. What do you guys think this is? I've talked to therapists and they never give me an answer or even acknowledge that I do it.
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Need Help with being depressed
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Hi,
I am depressed every day which makes me lay on my bed and do nothing after work. The depression comes from thoughts that I am unlovable and that no one would be able to accept me for who I am.
For some context, I am 23 years old. Graduated school with bachelors. One thing I have always struggled with was romantic relationships, and for some reason my mind is telling me im not worth it enough for one. I am a decent looking person. I feel like I wouldn't be able to love, also considering my past trauma with parents.
Anyway, I am trying to be happy by myself but its a looming thought at the back of my head that I am unlovable. There are some women I am attracted to at work but I cant date/approach them because my dad is racist to them. Its just a hard situation.
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When I'm stressed i SPIRAL real bad.
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So two hours ago I was stressed about job search and I spiralled. I started thinking about everything. Childhood trauma, attachment issues, work ethics. EVERYTHING. I began to think something was very wrong w me and when that happens I google. And I googled BPD symptoms. And I diagnosed myself with BPD very conveniently. And now that I've calmed down I'm back in a high. So like wtf is this. Are these mood swings. Or have I just calmed down.
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Looking back as the scratches fade
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I've tagged this as nsfw because I don't want my event to trigger someone else's or to cause someone to remember what happened with them, but for clarity's sake, this is your warning to turn away, I do talk about self harm in this. It's not bloody, or graphic, but now is your chance to back away.
I just looked at my arm. It's been 4 days since I had what I would call a breakdown, so 4 days since I self harmed for the first time. I still hate myself for the fact I did it, but hating myself isn't something new. I'll never know why, when everything seemed to crumble around me in that moment, my response was to scratch at my left arm until it was red. All I know is I have done it now.
In all honesty, this shouldn't have happened, the whole breakdown, something that shouldn't have occurred. All that happened was I opened a window as I had been cleaning my room, my stepdad told me to close it, I replied in what I considered was a monotone but he took it as an attitude, as he does with any time I show an emotion outside of positive ones, and suddenly I just lost it. Immediately, I began to raise my voice, shout, if he wanted an attitude I'd give him a damn attitude. Years of emotions I have had to bottle in front of him coming out in minutes. Soon, I'm in tears because I can't show anger without it turning into sadness and tears. He can't deal with my meltdown, so told me to fuck off and he was going to shower. I went downstairs, still spiralling, playing over so many different situations, just building upon all my emotions, but now with no one to turn them against, I turned them against myself and suddenly we went from meltdown to breakdown and I self harmed.
When my stepdad came down, he asked if I had calmed down and... I told him I resented him. I won't go into details but growing up, a lot of things had happened and every time, I had bitten down, backed off, had to apologise or stayed quiet. I wasn't taking it anymore and I was holding it against him for once. It cut deep, but that was the point. I needed it to hit home that I was not doing this anymore. He said it hurt, that he would never say anything like that to anyone, that I could be filled with so much hate and that's when I showed him what I'd done to me. He looked, just went he didn't know what to do and I went off at him again, shouting that maybe he could help? Or at the very least listen? Because I was scared and hateful with myself at that point, hateful at him, just pouring out every single emotion I could.
We talked. And he listened... Mostly. A few times he did talk over me as he does but I took back control. We went over things, he got to finally understand things from my point of view, realised that my mental health was a lot worse than he, or anyone including myself, realised and gave advice where he could. He made a couple jokes, I know he was trying to lighten the mood but I didn't feel it was the time. Within 2 hours, it was over, my mood skyrocketing, things mostly returning to normal aside form the obvious and life resumed. I don't know if that's worrying or not but hey ho, what more can we do?
The scratches have very nearly faded now. Just a few light bruises left. Part of me thinks maybe I should have something more permanent, a reminder to how low I reached.
But that's under the idea I won't go any lower
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My Fiancé is depressed, I'm struggling to help him, what should I do?
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Bit of a long one.
I 24F and my fiancé (F) 26M have been together for 9 years, all in all amazing relationship no major issues and always been really happy together :)
Recently my F has been really depressed and low in mood a lot of the time. I am struggling to help him out and cheer him up. I belive its largely impacted by his work, he's always enjoyed his job more so the people he worked with then the job, but recently he's got it in his mind that everyone hates him, and everyday before work he will feel sick, low in mood, anxious, sad and often gets upset. I've reassured him that they don't especially certain people I know he speaks too and I've heard their conversations I know they care for him. But he always believes otherwise, he's even straight up asked one of them if they hated him to which they obviously said no. He's been sent home from work by this person once due to crying in the toilets. I've told him if he feels so strongly he should find another job to which he's against. I've tried to get him to speak with the doctor for some help, medication, therapy etc. He won't do this either.. I've said even to get a sick note for a few weeks he again doesn't want too (he will only recieve 16 hours pay if he does and doesnt eant to ket work down).
I've tried other ways too, I bought him a switch to help occupy his mind before work, it didn't work, today I took him to get coffee before work and dropped him off to again occupy him before work but he was just sad in the car, I made the smallest joke towards him for a bit of banter and he started to cry..
I just don't know what more I could do? I've offered advice, I've tried being straight to him, I've tried ways to entertain and cheer him up but nothing worked.
I also have my own bad anxiety issues which I take sertraline for, and I work full time 40/50 hours a week in Mental Health which i love and im currently studying in, I'm surrounded by it and now he's suffering too. It's a lot for me and I feel selfish for thinking this? But I'm struggling myself and when every moment of my life feels like it's mental health it's pretty hard going.
There is much more to the story but I don't want to go on for days, just looking for advice on what more I can offer to help him with this.
Please be kind.
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Heart burns due to a previous emotional affair
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Can someone help me figure out what the actual fuck is happening to me……so there was this girl that i liked and then it didn’t work out cause she didn’t wanna date and then i slowly moved on but before I completely did i found my now girlfriend….it was pretty evident that she or infact nobody would like for me to be in the same room as my crush who was also my good friend then….eventually it got to a point where i had to actually leave and now whenever i see her i get heart burns and acid reflux….why is it happening?
Please enlighten me thank you
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(22m) very confused about what I just experienced…
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I’m not really sure where to start with this. Here’s a quick background. As long as I can remember I’ve always had anxiety. My parents split when I was in the 2nd grade and childhood was full of emotional ups and downs. When I got to college, I spent the first 2.5 years self medicating with alcohol and weed. I didn’t have a lot of friends throughout childhood and high school besides a few and my girlfriend at the time. I was extremely self conscious, hated who I was, lied my ass off, etc. for those 2.5 years. I was depressed, neurotic, and hated who I had become. Last summer, I went and stayed with my dad for an internship. I got my drinking under control, only smoked at night (insomnia), and mostly repaired the relationship between him and I. I finally felt good and normal. Started dating this girl, who I’m still with and care for deeply. Flash forward a few months and I returned to my dads for a semester long internship. This began probably the most stressful period of time I can remember to date. It’s a small company but I was placed in a salary role, taking online classes, and driving back to my college town most weekends to see my girlfriend. It sucked but I still felt “normal”. I was fired in mid May which was a huge hit to my ego, but didn’t feel too terrible about it. I had given it everything I had. However, this is about where the spiral down started.
I took the next week to decompress before finding something else to do for summer. I finally found a manual labor job and decided to take it. That first week was horrendous. I couldn’t sleep for 3 days. I had my first panic attack and slipped into derealization for the night and half of the next day. The whole month of June just sucked. I was wound up tight, using weed to sleep again (was 3+ weeks sober) and just flat out exhausted. I pushed on until the last week of June when my crew was switched to working nights to beat the heat (Central Texas). I promptly quit because I knew working nights would wreck my sleep. This is where I lost my mind. I don’t know what the fuck it was, but between bouts of derealization, I never truly felt like myself. I wasn’t necessarily depressed, but I also wasn’t happy. I didn’t know where the old me had gone, I was acting out and doing weird things, and had no sense of reality. I lost my sense of humor, felt like my relationship was “fake”, acted like a degenerate, and could hardly make logical sense. I was self diagnosing myself, I felt constantly dizzy and up in my own head. That was 3 weeks ago and as of today I finally feel like regular me is back. I have no idea what that trance was and I’m a little concerned to be honest. If anyone has experienced something like that or has any experiences to share please do.
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DSP? Can someone help explain?
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I have been attending trauma-informed therapy and my therapist last session said she wants me to apply for a DSP? She had the papers and filled everything out for me, but I'm kind of lost. I have a general sense of it I guess but I'm wondering if it's helpful I guess? I'm not scared just very worked up about it I guess. Can anyone provide a personal experience or maybe someone does this work and can help? Thanks in advance for anyone's help.
Edit: DSP (Direct support professional)
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Phyciatrist and noncompetes
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In this field specifically noncompetes shouldnt disallow contact with patients. People going to therapy are typically already somewhat volitile and forcing therapists to cut all contact at the drop of a pin is increadibly dangerous for patients mental stability. Getting ghosted by a therapist is probably among some of the worst ways to send somone into a spiral. Please for the love of god allow thr therapist to communicate when and why they are no longer able to serve a patient.
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Please someone help me (Trigger Warning)
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I can’t do it anymore and it’s even worse that I feel like this because I have so many around me who care to some extent even a long term romantic partner who I love very much but I feel like everyday feels wrong. Like I shouldn’t be here well more like I never was supposed to be here. I feel like I’m wasting everyone’s energy time and resources and it makes the feeling worse. I constantly feel sick all day all the time I either sleep too little or too much. I wake up everyday and feel more ugly than I did the day before. I feel horrendously disgusting to the point where I don’t even want to be intimate with my partner which in turn makes it worse. Me ending my life is always a lingering thought in the back of my mind. Sometimes I hate that I even exist and I sometimes regret forming the relationships I have with the people I know because if I die I would hurt them more but it’s all I seem to want to do nowadays. Eating feels like a waste as well as showering and caring for myself. Everyday I just find ways to pass the time till I can finally fall asleep again and hopefully sleep longer than I did the day before just to rinse and repeat. Nothing interests me anymore. None of the video games I play, or the shows I watch, TikTok doesn’t interest me anymore or YouTubers that I’ve loved for forever. I don’t paint or color anymore I haven’t in years. I just want to rot. No kind of meds or therapy is working. I want to talk to my partner and tell him how I’m feeling but when I try all I do is choke on my words and say never mind. He’s sleeping next to me as I type this silently crying because I don’t know what to do anymore. No matter what I try I can’t seem to get better, I don’t want to feel like this I wanna be happy and in love but it’s like a part of my brain isn’t letting me. Everyday I feel like I’m suffocating. Heating up a can of soup or grabbing a pudding cup or even refilling my water bottle and now going to the bathroom feel so exhausting to where I’m putting it off more and more. No one will probably even look at or read this but I thought I would try. Thank you.
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can you help identify this feeling? is it a mental problem or?
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I always suffer from a feeling of "falling.
in my dreams sometimes I wake up with panic like I was falling , or something else was, one time I dreamt it was dark and something was gonna fall on us and everything would end.
​
some times when im siting relaxing I imagine the planet in my head and I get thoughts of the planet moving out of its track and everything would collapse?
​
is there an explanation for this?
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I wanted to share an anecdote about going to therapy over video chat during Covid
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So I have been in therapy for years and almost always face to face because I am a firm believer that body language is such an important factor when trying to relay an idea…
So this happened during the pandemic and I had to find a new therapist because I needed. However everyone is only doing video conference sessions. So I proceed to do the “dating” process searching for a new therapist and I get this one lady who was recommended by my insurance and we start the sessions and it isn’t going well but she turns off her camera for a second and when she comes back I keep hearing a sucking sound and I was thinking maybe she had allergies or something but she adjust herself in front of the camera and it turns out she is breastfeeding while video chatting with me. I was shocked and I wasn’t sure if I should say something but the little tyke powers through until the end of the session.
This might have been my weirdest therapy session… can anyone relate?
Edit: to add context I am a straight male and she did not ask if she could do that…
| 2 |
There chaos in me head
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I (17M) am struggling with me mental health, have severe anxiety (I think so) , keep battling my intrusive thoughts all day . It's now messing with my daily tasks . Like if I have an intrusive thoughts, even though I know it's complete bullshit I keep on explaining my self why my stance is right and the intrusive thought is wrong. Please tell me what should I do
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