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Just feel like I am being punished for anything.
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My dad recently got me in trouble because I watered my plants too hard. I know parents should at least make sure kids have boundaries but I feel like my parents just take those boundaries too far in my opinion.
| 2 |
I am having a really bad anxiety attack
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Hey everyone i am starting to have a really bad anxiety attack i feel like every time I walk into a store i feel like all eyes are on me, I started work a few weeks ago and everything is going great however I’ve noticed that I haven’t been as keeping the speed as the manager wants me to he was chill about it and told me how to do better ans he was going to watch me more, however our schedules has not been updated yet and im terrified I’ll lose the job or lose hours any advice? Also i live in a house hold where if you’re happy you cant have depression bc they don’t believe in it, i love My parents but it makes it difficult for me to open up to them and I feel like everything i do is in vain and nobody is ever proud of me and is always trying to find something wrong i did, i feel like a lot of my friends feel pity for me which i hate it and I’m just so numb
| 5 |
Fear of SA (TW)
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Hi everyone, I hope you’re all doing well. I honestly didn’t know where to put this, so I’ll just type it here. Basically, I think last year or possibly a couple years ago, I think I woke up from bed with a scar on my body (it went away soon enough), and I think some piece of clothing removed, like a jacket or something, or maybe a sock, I don’t exactly remember. Anyway, this is pretty common, for me at least, like at that time the scar could’ve easily come from me scratching myself because I had long nails at the time (which is actually how I got a couple of temporary scars) and the removed piece of clothing likely me feeling too hot while sleeping, even though I didn’t consciously remember me removing it. When I searched up on the internet something like “woke up with my clothing removed”, it said that it was normal for you to remove pieces of clothing during the night without consciously remembering that you did that.
Anyway, backstory is done, I’ll get to my main point. Basically when I woke up and noticed those two things, for some reason my mind just thought of a really unlikely reason for it happening. Okay this is kind of embarrassing, but I thought that what if my dad had sexually assaulted me while I was sleeping, and that was the reason for the mark and and the removed jacket or sock or whatever it was. Then, I completely freaked out because since a long time, even before this thing happened, I have been scared of being a victim of SA, and not gonna lie it is possibly even my biggest fear. And the possibility of a loved one or trusted one doing it makes the fear even more scarier. So as you can guess, this thought itself was very scary for me.
So after this, I often used to search up signs of being SA and things like that. And tbh, most of the signs didn’t really apply to me. But I still was fearful and suspected my dad. So (this is also very embarrassing) I downloaded this app on my phone that records your sleep movement, noise, when you’re awake, etc. And I looked at the data for a few nights, and it seemed pretty normal. But you know what? Despite all of this evidence, my fear still didn’t go away and it is here to this day. Even on my Apple Watch, I always check the sleep tracker thing for any suspicious activity, but don’t find anything. Also I usually check my clothes whenever I wake up, to make sure they are how they were before I slept. And the reason why I’m making this post is because this fear was triggered yesterday out of the blue for no apparent reason?
When I think of all the possible ways this situation could happen, it all seems very unlikely. However, despite all opposing evidence, my fear just won’t go away. Like what if it is indeed true? What if it is a gut feeling or something? It is so frustrating not knowing.
Anyway, this is a very long post, so thank you for reading all of it. Please don’t tell me to go to therapy, because right now I am in a situation where it is not possible. It is very embarrassing I know, but I can’t get rid of it. Please help, thank you.P.S. English is not my first language, so please excuse any grammar or spelling mistakes
| 1 |
what is the longest period you stayed without a shower? what were you going through and how was it ?
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i just showered for the first time in over a week and changed my bed sheets for the first time in over a month but i have gone even more than that before i think so i wanted to know other ppl’s experiences
| 1 |
I’m withdrawing from Xanax and ran out, so I can’t even taper off them slowly. I’ve called people and no one has helped. I had to take the last 2 days off work, don’t know how I’ll work tomorrow. Have also been suicidal for days
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I called the addiction hotline and they were very empathetic but it was more of a counselling service. They said because I’ve abused them, no doctor will prescribe them to me now and to get my psychiatrist to write a note on the script to get as needed, so if I need it in an emergency, I can go to a pharmacy and show them that and they can give me a supply. I called my psychiatrist office and they said she’s not there and won’t be back until next week but they said they’ll send her an email anyway. I feel very weak, on edge, shaky and have a bad headache. In the past, only alcohol has worked. I know, my coping mechanisms are horrible. I do have a psychologist appointment in a few days thankfully, so I can talk to her about it. But what do I do? I don’t want to go back to alcohol. If I go to the emergency room, I doubt they can do anything. Being an addict is so lonely, people just judge, including healthcare workers. I’m trying my best and my anxiety is so bad. I never wanted to get addicted to anything, no one does. So please don’t judge me. I’m really trying my best but it’s becoming too overwhelming. On the first day I called in sick to work I was on my way there and had to call and say I couldn’t and I was sick and I also drove over a bridge that I a few years ago stopped on and was going to jump off, but thankfully police officers came and took me home. But I also went underneath the bridge and parked my car there and just cried and was so suicidal, until I managed to make myself drive back home. This is so exhausting. Being anxious daily, the only things that help you are bad for you, ie Xanax and alcohol and yes before people ask, I’ve tried other things too, other medications as well that aren’t addictive like Lexapro, propranolol, etc but they don’t work. Being an addict is even more exhausting. Please someone give me advice 😢 I feel so alone. No one talks about this in real life, especially addiction.
| 1 |
I feel lost in my life
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I (21 M) have been struggling with a mental battle of self doubt, depression, anxiety, loss, and lots of anger. If anyone here takes the time to actually read this I’d greatly appreciate it, especially i anyone is willing to just talk to me. I’m probably going to pour my whole heart and mind into this. My mom and grew up poor without my dad in the picture to support us. He may not have done much for us financially but he tried to be there for me and tried to be as good of a father (in my eyes) as he could. But many will say it wasn’t enough and I agree but I consider myself lucky for getting to know him like I did. I began to take over the bills for the house when I graduated high school in 2021. Before graduation, I had secured a job in the oil and gas industry making amazing money compared to what I had made before. My father passed away December 2021. This happened after I had gotten mad about the past and decided to take a break talking to him for a while that summer. I blamed myself for the longest time but I know it wasn’t my fault bc they believed it was a heart attack. I miss my dad so much I hope I can find peace in it someday. For the time being I can only find pain and anger towards myself for some reason. I decided to change my life for the better after him passing and get a higher education. I decided to begin trade school in summer of 2022 I am now three months from graduation (diesel tech w/ CDL). With starting school I had to quit the job I had so loved. My time in trade school has been a mental and financial battle for me however. I know it was a short amount of struggle for a lot in return but I can’t wait to be free from the mental burden of it all and finally return to the normalcy of my life before I started school. I just feel as if my time was wasted in school, because I feel I haven’t learned much more than what I could have by just getting a job in the field I was interested in. I had a rough time working on top of school at a place that was a good ways out of the way from my route to and from school. I left there the week before my birthday and began a new job that is on my way to and from school. I love the people and environment at my current work so much better. I however am skeptical of staying within the diesel industry because it seems extremely cut throat and as if everyone is out to backstab you. I still feel an emptiness from leaving the oil and gas industry. I believe the best thing for me mentally would be to go back to that industry and start anew in Texas or somewhere the oil and gas industry is booming.
| 1 |
How the fuck do you stop being suicidal?
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I'm so tired. I wake up, and everything comes rushing in and I WANT TO FUCKING DIE.
I don't remember what it's like to not want to kill myself. I just want to be happy, but I can't shut off these uncharacterizable emotions.
Please help.
| 1 |
How do I help my brother?
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My brother 22M and I 24F have struggled with anxiety for awhile and while I’ve made medication adjustments and lifestyle changes to improve myself, my brother has done the complete opposite. He spends most of his days sleeping all day, and staying up all night and he hasn’t had a job in maybe a year. Holding down a job was always a struggle since his anxiety would creep on him till he could no longer work, but my family and I have just been waiting for it to turn around like it usually had. Things are different now, however. His anxiety has gotten so bad, he’s resorted to calling 911 as he became paranoid that he was having a heart attack. Calling 911 became a weekly thing, then a daily thing, and now he calls multiple times a day. He will spend hours in the waiting room just for a doctor to tell him you’re okay, he goes home, feels panic and then calls again. My brother is the most stubborn person I’ve ever met. He pleads for my help, for my company and claims he wants help, but never takes any of mine or professional advise. He’s been educated on the importance of sleep, exercise, and even the circadian rhythm. I’ve even helped him practice meditation and guided imagery too. No matter what, he refuses to do anything. His girlfriend has been his biggest support and I could see she was growing tired of watching someone she loved waste their life away. She eventually found out he was cheating on her, talking to multiple girls online and she made the decision to leave. I just feel so sad for her. I feel sad for my brother. I’m not condoning what he did but I can’t imagine being so mentally unstable already, and then losing your love at the same time. I don’t live with my brother so I try and see him as much as I can but I don’t know what to do to help him. How do you help anyone who won’t bother to try to help themself. I also feel so sad for my mom. Can you imagine watching your child slowly kill themselves? My mom doesn’t deserve this. She hadn’t been living a life because he’s so manipulative towards her. I don’t know what to do, I feel sad. I’m worried
| 1 |
Sometimes I Feel Like I'm Choosing Depression
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Just like all my other shitty thoughts, I rationally know this is not the case. But it feels true, and it sucks.
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My father passed away
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My father passed away this morning in the hospital. He was a good man and I’m trying to process all of it. I understand we all grieve in our own way but I just want to hear what others have to say. I’m 18 years old and just started college, so I just never thought he would kick the bucket this early on in my life. Does anyone have any guidance or wise words?
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can a child affect their parents mental health?
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so, i have some mental problems and got caught sh ing 4 times. 2 days ago i was talking with my mom and she brought this up, and i told her that she cannot punish her child with abuse for cutting herself but since she is quite selfish she said that i had no rights to ruin her mental health. ME ruining her life. and she is a psychologist. i repeat, she is a psychologist. I dont understand, she has been abusing me and my brother for years. i have trauma and she wont accept that she did those things and deny that she has anger issues but she clearly has some problems, what should i do? do i ruin her mental health?
| 4 |
what is happening to me?
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(sorry for my english, it's not my first language)
I don't know if I've reached a point where my mind can't handle any more stress, and it's taking a toll on my health. Sometimes I feel like I might be overreacting, but maybe all of this is happening because I've been neglecting my problems for so long... Over the past few months, my mental and physical health have been deteriorating. I can't even focus on simple tasks anymore, let alone keep up with my studies (I'm actually considering dropping out) And when I do try to concentrate, anxiety takes over and I can't sustain it for long. I'm having issues with language (word retrieval difficulties), experiencing mental lapses, and dealing with memory loss. On top of all that, I've developed SIBO, and my nervous gastritis has been worse than ever. I have daily neck and headache pains... Additionally, my obsessive-compulsive disorder (I have purely obsessional OCD) has been at its worst, seriously. I can't go a single moment without constant stimulation because I fear that if I have time to think I'll go insane... Naturally, all of this has led me into a downward spiral of depression
I feel like i'll never be able to get on terms with whatever is happening to me. it has always been challenging for me to get a diagnosis because most of the time I find myself in "airplane mode"... however, I feel like things are getting out of my control now, but I don't know where to start. I don't know if this is actually as serious as it sounds or if I'll forget all of this by tomorrow. please help, I don't know what to do.
| 1 |
Medication mystery
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Has anyone else had the issue that their ADHD medication made them dissociate? Like black out dissociation?
Ive been diagnosed with ADHD since elementary school and only started medication my senior year of highschool. I've just gotten off of it because for some reason I have black out memory loss when I'm on it. I can remember when I take the pill and when I come off of it but other than that i just can't recall anything.
And like this is a common thing for me sure and I've been diagnosed with DID but no medical professional I've talked to has any idea why this happens. The people around me say that the medication works and that I'm doing great but I can't remember anything. When I was in school id remember 0 hour and 1st and then the last couple periods of the day.
Even on short acting id have a similar problem except it was less noticable for me.
TLDR: My ADHD medication is causing memory loss dissociation and Im wondering if anyone else has this issue
| 1 |
What do I do
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I have veiwed very porely at people that question suiside but the last 2 years i have been have watched so many family members die and lost all my friends my wealth and my sanity have nothing to live for and no one who would care for my death and am not to far from ending it all but I'm trying to stay strong but at any given time something could tip and I might just end it
| 1 |
Taken off my adderall the past month ! Help
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Today I have a telehealth appointment for my med management at 2:30pm and I'm grinding my teeth waiting this whole past month from June 9th to today has been terrible ! I was taken off my adderall 30mgs three times a day to straterra 120mgs a day and my life has become derailed and unbearable. How do I tell these stupid Dr's that I am one of the patients that NEEDS STIMULANT TREATMENT ! UGH
| 6 |
Why do I feel empty
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I (15)m have just been feeling empty and I don’t know what to do. I’ve been feeling like this for 4 years and it’s terrible I don’t have anymore friends I don’t leave the house I don’t have fun doing what I used to love I lost all my will to do anything and I’ve been feeling like I just want it to end but I know I don’t want to die I don’t know what is wrong with me or why this happened but if anyone has anything they can say it would be great thank you for reading this.
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I don't know what's wrong with me?
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Im a 33 yr old male who's currently in school, former sailor and ex firefighter. A year ago I left an emotionally abusive partner, I would make up white lies so we wouldn't fight and I know that's not right or healthy, I never knew I myself could go through something like that, I suffer from anxiety but I feel as though I'm doing ok with it school, a house, a beautiful pup.. I found a beautiful person I can share all of it with but i unknowingly give off anxiety And she tells me she has to watch what she says and it's affecting our relationship, I don't notice it, I still don't I'm not abusive, I support her and absolutely love her I don't abuse alcohol and I see myself as calm and level headed. I don't want her to leave me it feels like she's the one thing I have left but I really don't see it, she's in therapy for her problems and she says I need it as well? Has this happened to anyone else? Am I crazy or do I just in denial of it? Is there any therapy programs I may utilize? Any and all help is appreciated.
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Writing a book about my past
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I decided today that I would write a book about my past in order to uncover the reason why I am who I am and find out who I am. As I'm writing I noticed that I do this thing where I end up spacing out then forgetting hard about what I'm writing. As I was going through some really painful memories I do the same thing I just forget when I think about it too hard. Anyone else have this experience?
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advice/thoughts ? please
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I \[19m\] have been struggling with depression/anxiety since i could remember + i got diagnosed with bipolar in hs. my relationship with my family is skewed \[my father wasnt there and my mom is a grown up child\]. because of this, relationships/people have always been hard for me.
earlier this year, i met a guy named Ryan. unfortunately, we met when i was in a heavy manic episode. but to my surprise, we seem to work even after my episode. it felt like he truly understood me as a person, something ive never felt before. we seemed to be more than just friends and it felt like he felt that way as well. in march our contact ran thin, we went from talking everyday to talking maybe once a week. then, we didnt talk for two months. he said he was busy with school and it occupied his time. i understood \[i had been there before\] but that didnt make it hurt less. last month i sent a final message to him, wishing him well and telling him how proud of him i was for being strong and persevering through the rough times in life. i removed him off insta and blocked his number, i didnt erase full contact though. the week after, i fell into the biggest depressive state of my life. i had checked places where i didnt remove/block him and he was hurting; bad. ever since then, i havent stopped thinking about it. i sent another message reaching out, saying i made a mistake + unblocked him, but he never responded. i cannot express the amount of guilt i feel for cutting him out, seemingly out of the blue. i cannot stop thinking about his well being; is he ok ? did this set him back ? was this even the right decision ? i cannot think about him without shaking and sobbing.
i dont know how to cope with these intense emotions and unfortunately, i cant afford to take time for myself. all my therapist said was "you need to do whats best for you" but i dont know whats best for me. so objectively, what would you do in this situation ? am i in the wrong ? ill take anything, im just lost.
| 1 |
How do you recover from solitary confinement hallucinations?
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How do you explain the crazy hallucinations during a meltdown?
Well I don’t think it was paranormal. I was locked up in solitary confinement. I was having a psychotic and bipolar mental breakdown. I hallucinated constantly and heard and saw crazy crazy and disturbing things. I think I encountered the devil while I was in solitary confinement. I remember the devil had me sit on the metal toilet and my black jail blanket was draped over me. My blanket was pretty torn up by me. I remember my hands were behind my back and inside the toilet water. My blanket’s tatters were wrapped around my hands like handcuffs in the water. My legs then immediately kept tapping for a long time. They just wouldn’t stop tapping. I heard the demonic voices laughing and belittling me as if I was such a pathetic joke. It was the voice of a girl from my past, it was her joking voice that she would make. Just a demonic hey bubba voice. I remember he wanted my right nipple as a joke because werewolf jones had his nipple cut off by Dracula junior and WWJ was the ID. I smoked so much marijuana to have fun in life and I ended up in jail. The quiet room. And my legs kept tapping until they fell asleep. And suddenly my left foot slipped and I felt extremely heavy and stiff and not in control and I fell forward suddenly and slammed my face into the hard cement floor. Hurt my lip pretty bad I think. God that really really hurt. Yeah I vividly remember falling forward and slamming my face into the hard cement floor. Why would they put a crazy kid, I’m 28, inside a cell with hard dangerous walls? I needed a soft room not a hard dangerous room..
Later while still in solitary confinement, my torture continued. There was this light that was constantly on. For some reason I remember the light had all these tiny pieces and slivers of paper or stickers stuck to it. It was very bizarre. I remember climbing my metal toilet and picking at these pieces of paper. I pulled one that was like an old piece of paper that was from an old patent for Milton Bradley I think. Maybe from the 1920s? My memories are fuzzy. I also remember another piece of paper that was from a Stephen King novel and said something about an axe? An axe chopping something I have no idea. It was an exhausting ordeal to collect these pieces of paper. They were like mini pieces of artwork that I enjoyed. The last piece of paper I remember was a bright green kiwi lime lip balm picture advertisement. It was like a picture from something larger? I thought it was beautiful. I thought it was an amazing piece of artwork that I collected.
I was just totally schizophrenics and out of my mind.But the experience with the devil felt so real. I feel like schizophrenia leads to portals to hell. The devil was there and I almost died I think.
These disturbing experiences have really affected me. I can’t really just get over it. It was traumatizing…
How do you recover from heavy psychedelic experiences that rock your world? I felt so amazing and elated and magical. It was like another world. So many voices and laughter and freakiness I’ll never forget..
I was very disturbed by the whole ordeal. I have flashbacks…
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I don't think I can get better
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I've been thinking of suicide for as long as I can remember now, I'm turning 21 soon and I've not accomplished anything with my life. I've tried to improve my thoughts but nothing seems to work. I'm a lost cause and my only option now is to end my life.
| 1 |
Can anyone help me because I can't alone anymore
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My name is Matthew and today I laid my friend to rest and I feel guilty about it too, He had dementia and he used to run away from his house and go walking every day sometimes 4-5 times a day, He ate and drank charged his body batteries and do a runner so I'd go after him every time and either walk or get him home sometimes it was so bad I had to get the police to help because he just didn't want to go home. It got really bad for his family and I went out with him one day and took him to try and get help and It worked he got it, he was taken into the hospital and then a home where he got around-the-clock care BUT from that day on he Never ate once in nearly 10 weeks and drank very little and passed away I feel sick with guilt that he ate and drank and we went for walks and I got him help we thought he needed but he stopped eating and drinking and died. I have people I know and a family too yet I feel so alone with the people I speak to, I help anyone I can and I'm a fantastic listener myself and give great advice and help so I've been told, yet the only person I know who listens to me is me and It upsets me to the point of feeling what is life worth and what is the actual point ( Not thinking suicidal, I have low mental health issues at times but feel like life is a battle on my own ).
I feel so bad for writing something like this and online too, but I'm mentally drained and exhausted from overthinking, stressing and not just feeling alone but actually being alone.
| 3 |
Is it a thing to want to make bad choices to sort of punish yourself when you feel bad about yourself?
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Lately I’ve been feeling really annoyed with myself and because of that I’m making unhealthy choices, almost to punish myself. Nothing drastic just little things like watching TV on my lunch break instead of going for a walk or working way longer than my contracted hours to punish myself for not being more efficient.
I know what I’m supposed to do to look after my mental wellbeing but I just don’t want to do those things. Instead I’m deliberately choosing to do the opposite. I’m sure I’ve done this before but not so mindfully, if that makes sense.
I just wonder if that’s a thing that commonly happens when your mental health is not at its best. And if so, why, and how do you fight back?
| 2 |
Wondering what would happen if I tapered off all my meds
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I guess my question is, how stupid is this?
I take plenty of medication of my mental health. I’ve been dealing with some intense brain fog or derealization the past few days, which spurred this thought in me. What if I got my psychiatrist to taper me off of all my meds so I could know what it felt like to be off, and then just add them back on to a probably lower dosage?
I know I don’t plan on wanting to be off forever. I just really don’t know what it’s like to be without. How am I supposed to know if it’s too much or something?
I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety at 11. It took 2 years to get me settled on medications that actually worked fir me since I reacted so badly to the others they tried. I’m currently taking 100mg desvenlafaxine, 15mg buspirone, and 54ng Concerta. I only started taking the Concerta this year, and I already don’t take it on weekends, so that’s not my concern. My buspirone isn’t that high of a dose, so it also doesn’t really bother me.
But the Pristiq! I’ve been taking this drug for over five years (I’m 18) and I don’t even know what I would be like off of it. I think I read that the highest recommended dose for adults was 75mg and that it wasn’t approved for use in children. This really was some last-ditch resort by my psychiatrist. A year or two ago I tried to lower it to 75mg and I ultimately upped it again because I felt depressed.
I know I’ll be miserable without the meds, but I’m curious to know who I “really” am. How much current me would really need if I was starting from scratch. I have a good support system and I do a lot for my mental health. Tell me how bad/good of an idea this is please! I want a consensus before I even bother to bring it up to my psych lol.
| 1 |
Feeling of anxiety and trauma
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Hi guys!
I just wanted to place to write out my feelings and get some opinions. I didn’t have the worst life growing up but i have made a lot of mistakes that are catching up to me (21F).
I have a university degree and a full time job but over the past year an a half i have felt sooooooooo financially stressed and depressed. I was in a car accident in nov of 2022 before that i had a job working in the city and my boss promised to pay all the parking tickets from the lack of parking available at the time. Fast forward i noticed he was a little shady in business soo i quit. I found a new job closer to home and love it!
But i was in a car accident. With that came time to purchase a new car. At the time i wasn’t in debt i was just living a nice life dating, working and being around friends. But then i went to pick up my car and they said i had outstanding parking tickets. I thought no problem probably a couple hundred noo my boss NEVER paid any of time and left me with 10k worth of tickets i was mortified. I had the help of my family and my savings to come up with the money soo i can have a car and be able to go to work. Then it was tax season my ex boss completely fucked me and didn’t deduct tax from my t4 and i was stuck with paying that also. The cra couldn’t do anything about it and my ex boss was a shady guy and i had a feeling. Completely fucked me over. My savings were gone i needed a new car. Prices of cars were insane but i neeeded one. Soo i got the cheapest one i could find but it was a larger payment then my previous car. Now i have this feeling EVERYDAY that something bad is going to happen and that i might go into debt again or my family cnt get my out of the situation. Every morning i think omg something bad is going to happen. I’m going to get a call from someone asking for a debt or i’m going to get fucked over again. the anxiety is KILLLING ME. I had to take out a loan to makesure i was able to pay the car without my savings. I didn’t want to be living paycheck to pay check but i am soo stressed that something is going to drop again. How do i get rid of this feeling and start being myself again.
| 1 |
What makes a person more inclined to get sick of things quickly?
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Is it depression? A personality trait? My entire life I've found myself losing interest in almost everything quickly. Ill be in love with a song and then I'll hear it too much and I'll hate it. I can't eat too much of a food I enjoy or I'll end up hating it. Hilarious jokes from movies from when I was a kid seem really dumb but my friends still think they're great. This applies to many other things in my life and it's really depressing. Why can't I just like the stupid song forever? Most people aren't this way or radio stations wouldnt exist, just playing the same 30 songs for the past 50 years. Please help.
| 3 |
M18, Feel like im dead
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Hi guys, so im a 18 year old male. At that age where things get both better and worse. And to be honest ive handled this change pretty well, going into the working world and learning the balance between partying and grafting. I have a great group of friends, already experienced my first love and my first heartbreak. Have a beautiful family aroubd me, make good money and trying to live my best single life (that doesnt mean sleeping around) since me and my girlfruend of 4 years broke up, which to be honest im somewhat over. Ive had my battles with mental health in the past, having an ED which ive recovered from. And to be honest my life is at the best its been since i can remember. But for some reason i feel no satisfaction or genuine happiness. I wake up in the morning and feel huge distain for myself. Negative thoughts just flood my mind from the moment i wake up to the moment i go to bed. I have my good moments obviously, but always seem to drag myself back down. For example, im a very vain person, i receive compliments and feel good about myself at times. But it always plateus into a hatred of myself and my body. This happens with alot of aspects of my life, even down to writing this post. I hate myself for being weak and seeking help for a problem that is so obviously my own fault. I have no other way of venting these frustrations. The only out i have is partyinf and drinking. Are these feelings normal at my age or is something seriously wrong with me
| 2 |
Supportive Housing?
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I have the option through my psychiatrist to move into a supportive housing (Supportive SRO, SRO, scattered-site etc) and this would be a new chapter in my life. I don't know much about it and there's not many irl videos of other people's experiences with it. Soon I will be meeting with a case manager. DAE know about this? If so, how was your experience?
| 1 |
Should I be concerned about having had homicidal thoughts before?
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Hi all, the other day I was just doing normal daily life when I remembered that two years ago, I experienced active and passive homicidal thoughts and I now recognize that that is not, in fact normal. Should I be concerned about this, even if it was two years ago?
| 1 |
Will I be able to talk about the people I live with at therapy?
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I'm 20 and going to therapy soon and was wondering if it's possible to talk about the people I live with (my mother and her fiance) and sexual assault/possible rape without them 'stepping in'?
| 3 |
Thinking about buying a s*x doll to get the dissociation to stop
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So I've been dissociating a relationship in my head for over a year now because I was in a situation where I couldn't be social/leave the house (controlling mother but let's gloss over that because it's not worth getting into), and now I'm out on my own it's hard to go outside because I'm just always looking for my dissociation as if it's a real person.
In a positive light, they keep me company because I can imagine us in a variety of happy situations or I can try to imagine their life and escape from mine ever so often. Genuinely, I can't imagine not imagining them 24/7.
And on the more negative side it impacts me negatively because I'm constantly upset this relationship isn't real. I'm always trying to find them when I'm out and about and just always hoping they'll be some sort of savior for me, just provide for me and we would be in love and what not. It's frustrating. I want to be free of living in my head but I feel lonely if I'm not imagining them. I'm slowly building up connections and hell, I even have a love interest in another state, but I can't stop thinking about this being in my head. I tell my partner how I'll have this person in our life and I hate myself for it, I hate that they have to put up with an imaginary friend coping mechanism that got way too out of hand.
I'm in therapy and I just can't find a way to let go. I just want them in my life so much. But wanting them so much makes me feel blocked off from any other love interest, like I can't have anyone else, only them, and that anyone else isn't going to care enough, and so I can't cut them out of my head, because then I'd be alone. But I look at other men and think about how beautiful they are but my mind tells me I can't have them, makes me reject myself before they could reject me.
And, because I am not in a place mentally where I feel like I can just stop thinking about them(like I even could, any stray thought and they're there), I just figure the best course of action is buying a sex doll and dressing it up like them, just so I can tell myself "look, there they are, they're right there, you don't have to look for them anymore because they're right there". Sex dolls require a fair bit of maintaining, so taking care of it I feel would be the best way to take the dissociation out of my head, place all of those feelings on a doll and make the doll the personality so it can get out of my head.
Or course, I'm not able to do this currently, I'm homeless so every penny counts and I don't have a place for such a thing, but I'm getting involved with housing and disability programs, so at some point soon within the next few months I'll probably finally be well off enough to drop under two grand. I did a fair bit of research into this, and as creepy or weird as it sounds, I feel like this is just the only way at their point to make it stop. The dissociation... it's obsessive, it doesn't stop. I try to hang out with a pal I have and I get upset I'm not with the dissociation. It feels like it almost stops me from being social and I hate that because I love being social, I just feel like a wreak always looking around for them, as if I could just be like "wowie hi there, I think about you all the time, we should fall in love", nah that's creepy, especially since I'm a guy. I mean, the dissociation is a man because I'm gay, but still, that's just wrong to do, I know that, so I'm just trying to figure out how to diffuse the dissociation because as a coping mechanism it has run its course. I can go out and be social, I'm slowly building a circle of friends, the dissociation just screws me up and I need it to stop.
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How do I keep going, with no options
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I've been on and off suicidal for 14 years, but this past year has been the worst yet. I had to move across the country, I have no job, no money, no support system. I tried to see if I could go to therapy but I can't afford it. I don't have anyone to lean on or talk too. I feel so lost and hopeless
| 7 |
Need some advice on how to deal with my schizophrenic Uncle? While also venting a little. (Only NSFW because of my language, sorry)
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I have a schizophrenic uncle that is becoming more and more difficult to deal with by the day!
Ok so my mom is his soul caregiver we got two houses one that far up in the mountains and one that isn’t. That’s the one my uncle lives at. Now before then my brother was living with him ‘helping’ mom take care of him. But in all honesty my brother was pretty much just squatting there, but not getting into that. Everything was honestly as…ok as we can get. Until my uncle started using street drugs, and he also has a shot that he has to take once a month and from what my mom told me those two things equal disaster…and it did. Ever since he started doing this it’s been making it so much harder to deal with him. Now I have to spend the night there sometimes when I have to work so there’s at least someone there with him. But…I do not have the patience to deal with him that the rest of my family does. That is because even before the street drugs he is extremely disrespectful. Mental illness or not he knows damn well what he’s saying when he calls his own sister and niece a f@cking B!tch! I’m sorry but I don’t take that crap from anyone not even my own uncle. Everyone tells me to take it easy on him because of his illness. Even with a mental illness this disrespectful @sshole uncle of mine is hella smart! He’s knows the system and he knows how to keep out of trouble and how to get people into trouble. He knows not to get physical with anyone and if someone gets physical with him despite how shitty he treats them they’re the ones who are going to get arrested. And he’s scared of me because he’s knows that I don’t take his crap like everyone else does. And he’s trying to get rid of me by getting me arrested! He’s treats me like crap, cusses and swears at me, calling me every disrespectful thing in the book because he wants me to slap him out! He wants me to finally loss it and just go off so I can be the one to get arrested while he go off and just keep doing whatever the hell he wants!!!
Yesterday we managed to get a police officer to talk to him after yet another epic freakout that resulted in us following him to his usual gas station hangout. Because we can’t leave him alone and are constantly trying to get him to come up the hill with us, at least for a day. And again before the street drugs we managed to do this every now and then. Mostly by bribing him with money and cigarettes which before then was the only things we could use to get him to listen to us. Oh yeah and for some reason he seems to think that the money mom gets for taking care of him is ‘his’ money, wrong! It’s her money that is used to care for him. At least that’s what I assumed because again he’s so disrespectful that I don’t even bother to pay attention to most of their conversations. But anyway the most she can give him is $40 to $50 cause he’s not mentally capable of having that much money and giving that to him, street drugs will be the least of our problems! But anyway the cop pretty much said that he was mentally alert at that moment and just doesn’t want to go with us, and they couldn’t force him to because it would cause problems…Fcking idiot we’re already having problems!
He can’t stay in that house because there’s an electrical hazard in the house from a broken exposed wire, lamp thing whatever over the sink that we both know damn well he pulled out! He’s done so many things, had so many ‘last straw’ moments that I can’t even fcking count! This idiot even tried giving a teenage girl money like a fcking idiot, twice I think they said when the police showed up to the house hours after I got off work and I had to call mom to talk with them over the phone cause it was just me and him. And he knew damn well he fcked up because he barricade himself in his room and refused to talk to them! Mom screamed at him while the cops were there and after they left!
But anyway to finish this up even my brother is done with him and is now squatting up here away from my uncle. I love my brother but he can annoy me like fcking hell! And now I gotta deal with him everyday Because our uncle did something to finally piss him off. And we got no one staying with him down there. I had to uber home last night at fcking 12:00 in the morning because I knew I knew that if I stayed there a second longer with him I was gonna finally get arrested for either slapping him across the face or kicking him right in the leg. Speaking of physical did I forget to mention that he actually has gotten physical with ‘me’ before🙂
My dad and I were spending the night after work both had work the next day I think dad called off because of this, because we drove home afterwards. But anyway it was late I don’t remember what time and of course the street drugs made my uncle paranoid so much that he pretty much hoarded all the food we bought for him ‘and’ my brother in his room and was sitting guard in front of his door with a fcking stick in his hand. Now at some point I had to get up to use the bathroom and unfortunately there’s only three bathrooms, one of which still broken to this day and the other was in the room dad was sleeping in and of course the last one is literally right next to uncle’s room. Now I didn’t really see any need in waking up my dad to use that one and also didn’t think my uncle would be stupid enough to actually use that stick…wrong! So this psycho has a broken cupboard door from somewhere lying right in front of the bathroom door, not thinking it would be a problem I start to move it and my fcking psycho of an uncle actually fcking comes at me with that fcking stick just for moving a God Damn Piece Of Trash!!!!😁 Here I am trying to tell this fcking psycho that I just need to use the damn bathroom while he’s trying to fcking hit me in the fcking head with a fcking stick just for moving a fcking piece of crap!!!!!😆💢
And even after that they still took it easy on him and not send him to a fcking hospital.
He’s like this because mom never follows through with her threats to either call the police or send him away! But wait! When she actually calls someone to take him, they won’t fcking take him! That’s literally your fcking job @ssholes!
But guess what even if she did call the police they can only hold him for 48 hours. Two Fcking Days Is Long Enough To Teach This Piece Of Shit Uncle A Lesson!!!!
So long story short…no one can do shit until it’s too fcking late.💢💢💢
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Having a major panic
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Hi everyone,
I don't know if i want to work in TV and film anymore.
Im 19. I'm not in uni because a) I thought I could make it through work and employment b) I have no idea what I would study because writing and filmmaking are the only things I am passionate about.
For the last year since school, I've been working hard to get my first entry level job in the media industry. I've done everything from attending networking events, webinars, sending cold emails, applying to schemes, becoming a TV extra etc etc.
I've bought a camera to make films with, I've written several short film scripts, earlier in the year I started strong by doing courses online, studying film myself at home.
But I'm scared i'm making a mistake.
I struggle with depression, body dysmorphia and some physical conditions that result in a few hospital visits. For the last few months, it's been rejection after rejection, failure after failure, health issue after health issue. My joy in life has been fading rapidly, suddenly this eagerness i had for film and TV has gone.
I can't tell whether it's the mental illness or whether this career is just not worth it.
i mean, i know the film + TV industry takes resilience, grit, thick-skin. All you'll be faced with is shut doors and failure for years. But even with your hardwork, there's still a fat chance you could end up nowhere.
To keep it short, I'm having doubts. What if I'm just not good enough? What if it's all for nothing? What if i'm kidding myself that i could make it in this career?
Should I just have done what my friends did? Pick a solid degree, go to a good uni, have the times of my life and then have a higher chance of getting a stable career.
I'm constantly locked in my room, living with parents that treat me like I'm 12 in a town with no one my age or things to do. I see my friends at the peak of their youth, making memories, living life.
What if this is one massive mistake? Am i wasting my youth? My life?
I'm so scared, i'm so scared future me will look back and see that i wasted it all. Career, youth. Gone.
And there's things i could do to get better. I could always be working harder, doing more - the only way in to TV and film is to fight tirelessly day and night. There are those in the industry who tell you it's not worth it, those who have been trying for years saying it's not worth it. There are so many stories of people failing. There's so many others better than me trying. There's even AI now that might take away my dream job in the next few yearas.
I'm so tired, I'm so defeated and tired. I've been depressed most my teenage years and it's drained me to the point i can't feel joy in anything anymore. Everything demands work and energy and effort and sweat and grit and I've used it all up trying not to breakdown.
I don't known what to do. What i'm doing. where i'm headed. Someone please help me.
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I feel invisible…..
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always overlooked and ignored
maybe i’m just such a pathetic loser that no one sees me
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Starting Giving up completely
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So to preface this I’m (M17), I got a decent car, got a decent house, got friends, got a job, I got a pretty decent life, and I’m aware a lot of people go through much worse.
So, my mental health started going downhill around 10 years old, used my money to get and keep friends and by doing this would buy them sweets, crisps(chips for Americans) all that sorta stuff, anyways started to get fat, parents found out, got a good few slaps for using my money, started to lose the friends Cus I wasn’t buying them stuff anymore, I go into secondary school, lost all my friends at this point, anyways start there, made good friends, got bullied until around my fourth year until I hit puberty properly(reduced the weight, never lost a bit of chub), my friend died start 2020, of course quarantine happened, dealt with it by myself for a year and a half until I finally cried it out, fifth year of high school was good, started smoking weed to help with stress, anyways ladi ladi La, left all my old friends who were progressing to proper drugs, got new friends, got a job, months go by, start of 2023, got a car, passed first time, had many girls interested in me who I fucked it up with over and over again
Anyway fast forward to now, I’m just done, I’m quite a “racer boy” so I have wrecked things on my car over and over, gives me a thrill, anyways wasted money on it, which I have barely of as I work at McDonald’s, barely passed my college Cus I lack any motivation and haven’t for two years, I’m barely happy and when I am it’s usually induced by weed or alcohol, been bullied by my brother and recently got a swollen lip from him, which I could do nothing but eventually accept an apology as to not ruin my family, anyways I’m giving up, money goes out my account like it’s nothing, I fuck every relationship I could have with a girl up, hate my job but it’s one of the only ones in my area that’s flexible with college. I just hate my life and I’m pathetic, guys from high school still give me shit, I nearly get into a fight every night I go out drinking, only to be stopped by my friends, I’m not the best looking, not ugly, and as I said chubby.
Idk just kinda done with life, it’s one thing happening after another and I’m just fed up of it, I feel so hated even by some friends, the way they look or speak to me makes me wonder, anyways just thought I might ask here before doing anything drastic
And if u read all this, thank you Ik it’s a long one ahahah just needed to vent
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Mindfulness books seem to overcomplicate what it is, when it's simply paying attention to what's here right now.
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I do mindfulness for anxiety and depression. But I am also pretty certain I have OCD because I feel the need to do things perfectly otherwise I might not get the desired effect/ something bad might happen. This post sort of highlights some of this.
I do believe mindfulness can help me. I have started noticing when negativite thoughts come up and don't spiral with them as much lately. However lately I have started becoming confused by some of the stuff I have read in one of the books I am reading on the subject. It talked about showering mindfully. Noticing the sensations and warmth on skin (all the usual stuff). Then it says "if you use your time in the shower to reflect or plan, do so intentionally, being aware that it is where you have decided to place your attention".
Hang on a second, Ive been told numerous times that planning is not mindful. Because you are not paying attention to whats here right now. Before long Im feeling really confused and feeling like I've been doing the whole thing wrong and its not going to work. It's all my OCD probably, but I wish they wouldnt make it super difficult to understand.
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I'm jealous of my diagnosed friends
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A lot of my friends are ND and they're amazing. I'm jealous of their diagnoses because I've never been able to figure out what's "wrong" with me. I tried to see a therapist once, but I got so petrified after crying in front of her that I couldn't go back, even if it cost me financially.
I'm so tired of being myself and dealing with bouts of panic or distress. But at the same time, I don't have enough "wrong" with me to warrant anything. I pass my classes, I do my responsibilities, but im miserable and afraid. All that's wrong with me is inside and I keep it close.
I just want to know what's wrong with me.
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why do I want to be sad?
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I have this feeling of wanting to be sad because I've found it safer and more secure and stable than being happy. I went through I pretty bad thing and I just want to feel rlly bad about it and feel horrible about it... but I don't. idk why in like this. I rlly want to be sad and depressed and I'm only 13 and I'm not seeing a therapist or anything. a few weeks ago I would cry myself to sleep a lot of the time and eventually I started to make people up in my head to talk to and I rlly believe they are there. I did hurt myself a few times to see if people would notice but they didn't so eventually I asked my friends for help and they helped so so much. I used to be passively suicidal (I think). I'm very self aware so a lot of the time I find myself in almost like paradoxes in my head. why do I feel like this? why do I want to be sad? why do I want to feel horrible?
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Crippling OCD/anxiety, in part about past doings that might be completely benign
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So I got OCD/Autism and I think I need to get checked for therapy or a disorder of extreme but symptom-less anxiety because I've recently remembered moments from my past and my brain just ponders (as in, anxiety panics) if in hindsight I did something terrible.
I was looking at the Wikipedia article on the term "sexual predator" and came across the quote:
"The term is applied according to a person's moral beliefs and does not necessarily denote criminal behaviour. For example, a person who cruises a bar looking for consensual sex from someone else could be considered a sexual predator by some.\[citation needed\]"
This worried me just because in the past, getting out of university as a virgin whose never been with a woman in any way, I've viewed a night club as a place to meet women, to look for a girlfriend or, well, what have you? Exact thoughts from years ago are a bit hard to recollect, but I thought I'd only followed the book on all the rules to not be a creep. Didn't want any shady interaction of any kind; I'd of course be respectful of boundaries, wouldn't do ANY intimate stuff like kissing because people are drunk in clubs and it wouldn't be an immediate affair on the first time meeting a stranger (just meeting people in clubs to hang out, potentially start off something), and I keep in mind age gaps as I wouldn't go talk to someone legal but too younger than my age of 24. There was one time where I tried to dance near a couple chicks a couple times to get attention but they mistook that as harassing, so I've been extra careful in how I come across in clubs since. One time I'd just dance a bit frenetically and they thought I had too much to drink or awkwardly stayed in a toilet stall out of stomach discomfort and they thought it was suspicious, but it was all fine in the end. And all that's ever come of this was fun, fairly platonic nights just harmlessly hanging out with new friends but not too much communication afterward. I say fairly platonic because there was one time where I hung out drunk with a woman and her friends and there was just a fake grind dance and hand holding, which I'm guessing was fine.
And my mind just taunts me that I'm some sort of irreparable monster for the rest of my life in case I had a mindset that lined up with this description for this big, scary term. I'm not sure it'd be too out of line in media to see a commonality of wanting to meet and talk to and pick up hot chicks, though now I'd personally want to build up trust with a person before "going any further". I wondered if the "hit it and quit it" trope would be considered dishonest in a weird way and have never ever done that. I'm just trying to unscramble my thoughts if there was any mentality I had with this that might've been weird like that, like if I was confused about dishonesty in something that ended up entirely hypothetical anyway, but is that OCD? Was there at worst a sleazy mentality of "seeing how things go" with an attractive person to potentially find or whatever, and does that make me a bad person when it'd presumably hypothetically still be an honest, wholesome relationship of whatever type if it did hypothetically happen? Am I being way too hard on myself for just maybe potentially wanting to "get with" an attractive woman I saw, perhaps rather just seeing how things go with them? I wouldn't ever want to be be seen as creepy or preying on women of any adult age, I'd hope this was just silly worrying over what might be a standard practice people have for all I know, if I even had a weird mentality in my mind in the first place?
And I'd also remember some other dumb thing or two that I heavily regret now. Like a couple times when I was younger I took a long-deleted, completely unshared snapshot of an attractive woman in a public place, because I apparently didn't know any better than to not do such a stupid fucking thing. And another time as a 20 year old I did a silly, fairly clean "girlfriend" roleplay on DeviantArt with someone I didn't know was 17 in Australia, which I didn't know at the time but my brain questions it like "what if you're not sure you didn't know?" when that sounds like OCD and I would've remembered, if the respective ages were even a problem regardless, but I'm not sure. I've long steered clear of either of these things, I'm perhaps too careful in my thought processes on things now. EDIT: Forgot to mention in the cross post, I say this as a UK resident in terms of age stuff.
My mind just stupidly worries there might be some issue like this again if I don't hyper-check everything, like I might accidentally stumble into some fucked-up mistake if I'm not careful, when logically that'd be something I'd easily notice and definitely not do, but stuff like this popping up makes me wonder if it's easy to accidentally slip into doing something dangerous completely accidentally and really easily, or if that's just my OCD. My mind is scared with approaching something of this subject matter in case I've missed something important, when it sounds like that's just a needless worry because of course I'd remember that. My mind probably wants reassurance from someone other than my stupid OCD brain on another past weird thing or two I'll remember later, no matter how much I've "checked" other things to not be an issue from feedback of others. "Was this thing an irredeemable fuck-up? No? Well was this? Was THIS an irredeemable fuck-up you have to live with?" And so on.
I'd hope this was just like, an outdated mentality where I just wanted to finally get with a woman, see where it goes, with what I thought was just following all the honest rules. And wasn't I? Is this just me overblowing the significance of the past that others would just write off completely? I desperately wouldn't want to be considered part of that disgusting predatory label on women of any age range and I'm hoping I didn't miss any necessary information in reciting this, but that all does sound like it's my OCD talking. And I'd hope the other stuff was also just past mistakes I should just forget. I just want my mind to stop constantly taunting me that I'm forever "cancelled" and a bad person because it thinks a certain possible sexy attitude of the past might be something really scary and bad to constantly acknowledge and think about, and not just a dumb mistake.
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Scars, how to make it less obvious
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TW: self harm scar-topic.
(also posted this in a medical reddit)
Hey all,
I have these self harm scars for about 2 years now, but they are starting to annoy me a lot.
I have been in the sun a lot, and it makes the scars pop even more.
Ive been thinking about ways to remove them.
And i was hoping you all could maybe help.
I had a thought if I re-open the scars, and try to cure them immediately maybe they would appear less obvious.
On the other hand, i saw silicone bandaids, special bandaids, to help the scars cure quicker. But these scars are not "fresh", they are a bit old.
What are some options to make them less obvious? I'm really starting to hate them. Tattoo will not be an option as I dont want any.
Thanks in advance,
Love
| 1 |
My very first appointment with a therapist is tomorrow. How can I approach it ?
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Hi, and thank you to those who will take the time to share their advice.
I’ve (23F) been through a rough experience very recently, which has led me to take an appointment with a therapist for tomorrow, which will exceptionally happen online.
In reality, I’m going in order to deal with many issues I’ve been dealing with for the past ten years. I think I have depression, an eating disorder, and probably a strong difficulty dealing with my emotions, my mistakes, and general negative or overwhelming events in life.
And my biggest problem in life is that I’m extremely shy (less so now), and therefore have no friends. I don’t know if I should expose things like this directly, and if I should also talk about the very specific event I’ve went through recently.
I know my therapist will be there to guide me, maybe do some sort of quiz, but I don’t actually know what to expect and feel a bit nervous.
I’ve actually found her information last year, and it’s been 9 years now that I want to go. It’s nerve racking but it’s necessary for me, so I don’t wanna shy away from being open and receiving actual help.
| 1 |
Looking for advice for dealing with a loved on recovering from depression-based psychosis
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Hi all, hoping this is the right place to make this post.
To tell a long story quickly, my ex-wife, who still lives with me, became very deep into Q-anon and all other manner of conspiracy beliefs over the course of a couple of years. We had many heated arguments about it and ultimately she divorced me over it (there were of course many other contributing factors, some legitimate, some having to do to with the negative personality traits she developed). All this culminated in a recent nonviolent psychotic break and 5-day inpatient hospitalization. The break was caused by months of poor sleep, which itself was caused be her stopping her anxiety and sleep medicine due to trying to pursue ineffective homeopathic treatments.
It's worth mentioned that, due to her general conspiracy theory beliefs and some specific inconsiderate behaviors and the divorce, she'd basically completely ruined her relationship with her entire family, including her adult daughter (call her B) and I. The point being that she was never really open with us at all about what had been going on with her, and she can be very good at acting normally when required. For a long time she'd pretty much been completely isolated herself into toxic conspiracy theory communities online, and nothing we did would snap her out of it.
Anyway, she got out of the hospital a week ago with a diagnosis of major depression, single episode, and B and I discovered over the course of the week that she was still very much in a delusional state, though not as bad as when she was admitted to the hospital. As far as we can tell she has been taking her prescriptions. For unimportant reasons, she just had her outpatient assessment yesterday morning and, when I picked her up after that, she said she had something important to share with B and I, and that she "might need to go to the news with it". So we get home and she unloads throughout the course of an hours-long conversation.
Evidently she'd been abandoned by her online Q community after realizing it was all bunk and telling them so. She repeatedly said how alone she feels, getting very emotional. We assured her that we are here for her. However, she disavowed the Q conspiracies while also retaining some of it's "teachings", particularly that Trump is somehow actually the president and Biden is an actor. We pointed out the contradiction but it didn't really resonate with her. She emotionally admitted that the Q stuff ruined our family, but blamed it on the online grifters instead of taking any kind of personal responsibility for it. She also told us that she has communicated with God, she is a chosen one (classic delusions of grandeur), and that soon the entire planet would be transformed to one of abundance in the "aquarian age". I think we handled it quite well, listening without judging, and just gently pushing back with specific questions to maybe try to get her realize how none of it made any sense.
She said she had a mission from God to get the word out and she enlisted us to write about our experiences of how Q ruined our family. She said she would pay us (which we of course declined), and wanted to have B "come up with creative solutions" about how to get the word to "the people" via news channels. It seemed like the unloading was very good and cathartic for her, because she seemed to really relax afterwards. We emphasized that we could work on this and help her so she wouldn't have to bear the burden all herself, and she could relax. We turned on a Netflix show she likes and she watched for a bit then took a long peaceful nap. She hadn't watched any TV or really relaxed in many months, just spending all her time on her phone or "meditating" laying in bed.
So B and I are looking for advice on how to best walk the tightrope between not indulging her delusions too much, and not alienating her so that she isolates herself again. While she was napping I called the place where she was assessed and learned that they have a walk-in therapy sessions in a few days. We want to try to get my ex to go there with us, because we feel like we really need a professional's help to guide the conversation, but are not quite sure how to broach this with her without 100% tipping off that we absolutely don't believe in her delusions. Our #1 goal at the moment is to try to get her to do to this therapy, either with us there or by herself if she prefers.
This morning I brought to her attention the existence of online communities of people recovering from Q-anon conspiracies, people just like her who have similar experiences and possibly similarly ruined families. However, she didn't seem interested, and she was solely focused on getting her story out, which in her head means pitching it to news organizations. In fact she *just now* sent out the same email to a bunch of news organizations, and B ensured she CCed both of us. We figure there's little harm in this as they are just likely to not respond or else just say they aren't interested. It's probably generally helpful when reality pushes back on her delusions, instead of just us pushing back.
Here is the delusional email, redacted to omit identifying information:
>My name is \[name\] and I have a story to tell which includes my long journey down the Q rabbit hole. I reside in the \[city\] area. I am a mother of three: 7, 5 and 22. I have a degree in English and Master's in Public Administration. I am what you would call the every day mom. Nothing fancy. In fact, four weeks ago I had five dollars in my personal bank account and in a week I could be what you would call- homeless.
>
>Q has been the top priority of my studies the past four years. Some of which I had remarkable discoveries. I went without sleep for 8 months, some weeks only one day of sleep. I lost focus of every day activities. My 22 year old daughter was forced to care for my two boys while I delved deeper into my research. Much of what I found out was that most of my discoveries became, what I would call crap. Unreliable. And when I needed my Q community the most, they had abandoned me.
>
>I was left to no one to talk to, but resorted to my "supposed enemies" my ex husband and my daughter, both non-Q believers, for support. I was just recently in a the mental health side of a hospital for five days, calling out for help, the pain was immense.The story does not conclude here. After soul searching and reading every major religious text, I found myself finding God. But the brokenness from my false existence, has left me weary and tired. At this moment I am commissioning my 22 year old daughter, \[B’s name\], to help write our story. In the long run.... I feel with this Q involvement and the affects... may be somewhat of the people's story since we all have become affected.
>
>My ex husband has an interesting side as well, since he claims he is atheist and an engineer; so the dynamics of this household are quite interesting. We all somehow maneuver around our all very different realities and reside in the same home.I am best with phone calls; I often don't check my emails.
>
>My phone number is \[phone #\]. I cc'd my daughter \[daughter\] and ex husband \[me\] on this email as well. I am willing to be open with everyone to get this story out. Thank you for your time.
>
>God is wanting me to tell this story, so I must and I will for everyone affected. I am writing to all the major news outlets (top 10) about this story. I so appreciate your time.
>
>Sincerely,
>
>\[name\]
What does everyone think, how should we best navigate this situation to ensure that she gets the care she clearly needs?
EDIT: Missed some redactions in the email.
| 4 |
Feeling stuck
|
I am a 30 y/o gay man who grew up in the southeast US. I was rather sheltered throughout my adolescence, and I was forced to stay in my hometown for college for financial reasons. I struggled with mental health issues at this time, and I ended up doing a lot of drugs until around the age of 24. At 28, I graduated with a CS degree, moved away, and started working full time as a software engineer.
I thought for the longest time that getting out of the South and starting a new life would help my mental health improve. However, I feel that I have regressed as a human being since moving. My most significant friendship is with someone I've known since high school. We used to do drugs together when we were living in the same city and have had conflicts in our friendship that honestly still trouble me in the present. We are living in the same city again, and we've begun hanging out regularly for the first time since I was probably 23 or 24. She's a big stoner, and I've started smoking weed again because of her.
I want to get out of this funk, to take advantage of my new surroundings and begin to thrive. I want to dive into my hobbies and develop new ones; to take care of my health and fitness; and to grow professionally and socially. My friend discourages me whenever I share these plans and desires with her. All resolve and motivation to improve my situation leaves after I talk with her. My own insecurities lead me to feel that her view on my situation is "more informed" than my own (long story, but the short version is that she grew up wealthy and went off to private universities and had opportunities to expand intellectually and socially that I never had).
Our friendship is complicated, and I often feel that I'd be better off without her in my life. It's hard though because I care about her and love her as a person very much. The number of cons outweighs the number of the pros, but it's hard to ignore your love and history with someone, even when it's messy and trauma-filled. I've tried setting boundaries up with her, but she doesn't respect them, and I don't have the confidence yet to enforce them.
\- Does anyone have tips to deal with a friendship like this?
I often feel that because I didn't leave home til I was 28, and because my early 20s were wasted to drugs and depression, I have very little personality of my own. I feel that I missed the chance to develop uniqueness and a social self, and that it's really hard to develop these after 30. Especially when sharing the honest details with your life history can very easily turn off new friends.
\- Has anyone been in a similar situation? How were you able to find yourself and learn to recognize and love your own personality?
| 2 |
I am afraid that I am faking my illness
|
I am very scared that I have been faking my mental illness my whole life, just for attention. I think I have anxiety, because I am very often worry about a lot of things, but for the past few days I am suffering from even higher anxiety by thinking that I am faking my anxiety , and also depression, because I do not have long periods of sadness, I actually feel quite good if we don't count the anxiety, also, altough I do think that I am very uninteresting, bland person, who probably will die alone, I do not think that I critisize myself enough to be considered depressed, because there a days when I do feel pretty. I am also, kind of lazy, and often do not feel motivation to do things, altough when I do do something I feel better. I know that deep inside I do want more attention from other people, but I cannot say that I am being ignoredo or completely unnoticed. I am scared that I emotionally use other people to feel better myself ant that I am evil. I don't even now if my anxiety is anxiety or my conscience trying to tell me to stop lying. I am starting to agree with that internal voice who tells me that I am faking everything and that I do not have any mental illness. The problem is that I am not very sad person, there are episodes when I feel intense guilt and sadness, and frustration but they are short and soon I feel good again. I am scared that I confused depression with simple temporary sadness and that I have been manipulating people for years.
| 1 |
My mother is acting insane and I need advice
|
Throwaway, because I don't want anyone to know who I am. Also I'm not sure if this is the place to post this, but I literally don't know what else to do. And I'm marking this as NSFW so as not to trigger anyone, I don't want to cause any harm.
So, my mother (age 50) has been divorced with my dad for over ten years now. Over the past few days, she's been acting very aggressive. She does this a lot, but most of the time it's not this bad. Normally she's just passive-aggressive, but this time, she's insulting and gaslighting me (M16).
She suffers from short-term memory loss and PTSD. She got PTSD from her very abusive boyfriend (who we'll call Adam) who constantly treated her like sh*t for 5 years. She also is disabled, which doesn't help matters at all. I'm 99% sure she also suffers from a persecution complex, as she constantly complains about everyone bringing her down, as if everyone is out to get her.
Now at the start of the summer, she wanted me to help her run Doordash orders so she could make extra money, and I'd get 25% of the money she makes. I refused at first because I didn't think it'd be a good experience at all, but she threw a temper tantrum, and I felt compelled to help her.
We run the shift for the first time, and I'm having a horrible time. She gets extremely pissed at every technical glitch, and when I try to help, she brushes me off. A bunch of things go wrong, and I don't want to do it again.
After this, she leaves me alone for about a month. I decide to quit, since nothing's happening with it and I don't want to do it again anyway. Plus, she's trying to keep me at her place for longer than I had planned on or even wanted to stay for. She flips out at my request, and starts talking about how I'm betraying her, and how all I want is to play videogames, and how I'm lazy, etc.
That was Friday. She's been throwing tantrums since, talking about how selfish I am, and how I don't care about her. Every time she talks to me, she's acting aggressively. I try to avoid confrontation, and she's going nuts at me, yelling. I just exist near her, and she's making backhanded insults and making passive-aggressive remarks. Yesterday, I broke down crying in my room out of helplessness. At this point, I'm ignoring her completely so I don't get yelled at and so I don't break down crying again.
Next week I'm supposed to go back with my Dad for the evening, so we can have dinner with my grandmother. The original plan was to be dropped back off that evening, and I'd go with my uncle the next day. I asked him if I could stay the night at his place that evening, and he said yes. Great. All I have to do is hold out until next Monday, and I'm free.
Then he says that he would contact my Mum about it. This panics me, and I was right to do so. Ten minutes later, she barges into my room and unplugs my computer's Ethernet cable, which means no internet. She also unplugs the router in the living room, in an attempt to cut all of my contact with the outside world.
I start freaking out. I have a short panic attack, hyperventilating and feeling my blood pressure rise. I manage to calm down, but now I'm at a standstill. I could contact my Dad and tell him what's going on, or I stick with it until Monday, and deal with the aggressiveness and temper tantrums until then.
If I leave now, I might not see my mother for a very long time, which would break her heart. If I stay until Monday, my mental health probably won't come back unscathed. It might cause a breakdown, and I really want to stay mostly without PTSD.
Now, I'm coming here because I don't know what to do, and if I contact anyone I know besides my friends, this might not end well at all. I might never see her again, which I don't like the thought of, even during this event.
Does anyone have any advice on what to do? I'm really not sure if this is a good place to post something like this, but I really need help soon. Any advice is appreciated, thank you.
| 1 |
I’ve recently found interest in someone else…
|
Hey all. First off I’d like to say I don’t know if this will even get responded too or anything but I feel as though I’m at a loss. I know reddits not exactly the first place to go but here I am. I’m a 25 y/o male and I’m currently in the U.S. army soon to be getting out this December. My entire army career I’ve been with my current fiancé. She’s toughed it out with me across the entire country for the better part of 3 years now and although we’ve had our share of ups and downs nothings stopped us from bouncing back. But recently there’s been something I haven’t been able to shake. In my troop there’s a girl she’s a medic and she’s been there since I’d say February of last year so she’s not new. I’d always thought she was nice but I had never really thought anything about her. That is until about 5 months ago when I started seeing her here and there and hanging out with her at social events. Unfortunately I grew kind of fond of her and that brings me to where I am now. Long story short I did confess that I had feelings for her but I know that I’m a taken man and I respect that about myself. At first my feelings were modest and I knew that I’d never felt this way towards two people. I love my fiancé very much but I started to realize my feelings for this person were outweighing my feelings for my fiancé. Now I’m almost in a state of love sickness for this girl. I don’t sleep well I don’t eat barley and everytime I think of her I feel my stomach tie up in knots. It makes me feel sick to know that I’m feeling this way. A part of me wants to bring this up with my fiancé but I know it would devastate her I mean she’s extremely sensitive. I’m at a loss and I don’t enjoy anything I used to because of it. And when I’m alone I go stir crazy thinking about it. I hate myself for it but my heart yearns for her in a way I can’t describe. My whole body is at a war with itself it feels. I just want to know what I should do? If I keep going like this I don’t know how long I’m gonna last.
TLDR: I’m feeling love sick for a girl I’m friends with even though I’m in a committed relationship
| 3 |
Something’s off about me
|
I literally don’t act like a normal human being. Whenever I go out I feel like anyone who looks at me for to long can tell that there’s something off about me.
For example in conversation I don’t know how to respond, I’m awkward and ridiculous. Idk it’s like I’m in a video game and I have to chose a dialogue option. I can literally feel myself choosing the wrong option(saying the wrong/weird thing) and see the other person cringing away.
Even when I don’t say anything my body language is off. I know it is.
It’s like I’m different from every singe human on this planet and everybody knows it.
I probably give off Uncanny Valley vibes.
People don’t really take me seriously due to all of that. It’s like most off the things I say is just material for jokes, ridiculous, annoying or stupid(And this isn’t in my head because people basically say/heavily imply how annoying I am).
I don’t feel real?
I feel like some kind of alien or baby that doesn’t know how to live life or just talk to people.
I’ve tried my best to fit in visually and I feel somewhat normal but then I open my mouth and I’m just reminded of the fact that somethings off about me. No matter how much I try to hide it by looking like everybody else.
| 2 |
I push people away constantly, but I have breakdowns when they choose others over me
|
Does anyone else do or relate to this?
| 0 |
Mental health
|
I grew up in a rough household where domestic violence was a normal thing. From age 5 to 11 I would get punched and head-banged because of my adhd behavior. My brothers were abused on a daily which was horrifying to see as it led me to become rebellious and ultimately joined a gang in order to have protection. My stepfather choked my little brother once and I rushed up to him and punched him right in the face. I was 11 so he hit me right back but I ran out the house and never came. I was then put in group homes and was in n out of juvenile detention facility. Until I was 18. Now I struggle with aggression, anxiety, narcissism, and bpd. I can go on longer. Maybe on my next post I can give my whole story.
| 1 |
Care package ideas for psych inpatient?
|
My friend attempted suicide, once she’s moved to the psych unit I want to visit with a care package.
Any advice of things I can add to it? She’s pescatarian and vegan.
I’m still reeling over this. I’m in shock. I’ve been in another world all day at work. As someone who also has struggled most my life with suicidal tendencies, it’s an odd feeling to experience a friend going through it and trying to help them. I just want to be there for them in whatever way possible.
| 1 |
Has anyone done the NAMI Peer-to-Peer course?
|
What was your experience?
| 1 |
mental health crisis but must work tomorrow
|
I am very paranoid about a coworker and believe they want to harm me. I do not know how to deal with this and think i need immediate help but I cant miss work.
| 1 |
I can't figure out what's wrong with me
|
I need help.
Growing up, I've never been a happy kid. (I'm currently 16) I've always been irritated, sad, down, and I've always had a negative outlook on life. I'm still the same way today despite constant efforts to be positive and happy.
Something isn't right. I don't know what it is. I understand having bad days is normal but I have a bad day everyday. I don't enjoy doing anything and I never have. I also feel like I get upset way too easily. If people start asking me basic questions I get irritated, and whenever my mom starts a normal conversation with me I start to tear up and I get really upset even though she's not mentioning anything bad. Whenever I try to explain how I feel I just end up crying or getting extremely irritated. It's hard to explain.
I'm sick of always being on the verge of tears, always anxious, sad, angry, lonely, annoyed, overwhelmed, and stuck. I feel like I'm trapped in my own mind. Even if nothing goes wrong I'm still down and upset. I can't snap out of it. I tried to have a positive attitude and it's failed every single time. I've always been this way as a kid. I don't understand why I'm like this, and I hate it. I don't choose to be sad or overwhelmed. I'm never excited, never happy, never motivated, or anything. I don't enjoy life and I never have. What is wrong with me?
I've had a few family issues growing up, and it has caused me a great amount of stress. Though I'm not really sure why I can't get over my sadness. I didn't enjoy my childhood as I was abused physically and mentally growing up. Maybe that's what it is, but how can I get over it by myself? My mom dismisses my mental health so getting professional help isn't an option. I just want to know if I have a certain disorder or illness that is causing this. I'm not sure if this is the right place to go, however I needed a place to rant and sort this mess out.
| 1 |
I feel as if I can't enjoy ANYTHING.
|
For the past maybe 2 years or so my life felt as if it's been going down a rapid decline. I've been having random spouts of sadness and just isolation since I could remember and its starting to take a tole on my social skills to the point I avoid talking to anybody even my family when I can and just stay silent.
I was addicted to porn since I was 12 (18 now) and I think it just fried all of my dopamine receptors. Now every time I wake up in the morning it feels like a struggle to even get out of bed and to try and feel any kind of happiness I stuff my face with junk which ends up making me hate myself even more. Now the little happiness I get while eating is even disappearing.
I used to love video games and always had a huge smile on my face while playing them but now I just get so damn mad, to the point I just want to throw my monitor at a wall you know?
I'm always extremely irritable to the point if something as small as someone talking to me just ruins my mood. I don't hate people but it just happens and I can't help it. I rarely leave my room cause its the only place I guess I feel safe or I can't get mad at everything, It makes me feel like a no life which I guess I am.
All I really want to do is be happy but I feel as if my addictions just drag me back to feeling horrible about everything. I've went to therapy but it never helped it was always just awkward and barely any talking.
Sometimes I feel like I'm not even in control of my body just on auto pilot walking through my house that I haven't left in god knows how long just wasting my life away. Everyday just feels the same and feels so long but at the same time its just a blur.
I've had crazy insomnia most of my life but sometimes I'm exhausted from just being sad the entire day and pass out but have huge parts in my life where I don't sleep at night but sleep all day and it ruins my relationship with my family.
I've tried going to the gym but I have literally no motivation to even get started let alone get out of bed.
At this point I wouldn't be surprised if I had some sort of depression but I don't wanna be a dick that self diagnoses and wants pity or smth.
I just feel like a no life. I don't get outside, I have no fucking testosterone anymore cause of the porn addiction, I'm almost constantly mad or sad, I have horrible social skills, and I could go on.
I guess this was just a vent but if you read all the way here and have some advice please help me out. Ty for reading, random person on the internet.
​
| 1 |
Need Guidance
|
recently I've been going through so much and I don't know how much longer I can take of it.
Tired of going to sleep hungry, tired of living in this situation that constantly leaves me feeling trapped. No matter how hard I try it all just keeps getting worse.
I've been cut off my income support for a while now and everyday since then it's been harder to try fix it. I cannot.
I don't know what else I can do now. Nothing is working. I see no point honestly. This place + my current situation leaves me feeling helpless and useless entirely. Idk. I just wanna give up entirely. Idk if I can make it another winter here.
I'm sadly not blessed with a supportive, caring, loving family, if it doesn't benefit them to help, they won't, I've asked everyone I could and nobody wants to help so what's the point anyway?
| 1 |
Only the strongest survive here!
|
This comment has been bugging me for a couple of days. The comment was made whilst on a night out with lots of people I consider friends. At fist I thought my emotions were over the top because of alcohol and hormones but it’s still eating me away.
Back story I was victimised by my boss to the point that caused me to have a mental break down. At my OLD work place I was surround by people that became my best friends and new my life story.
On Saturday night a couple of the girls called me over one WAS considered and a friend the other an acquaintance. The one I thought was friend was telling me how she was going to become a GM because a friend of hers was becoming an area manager so I said “oh is that *toxic manager*” the other girl was like “yeah oh and I’m now living in her house to think at one time I was scared of her and hated her”
Basically I was like we all remember the way she made us ALL feel and that she caused me to have a mental breakdown
My “friend” said “it could go one of 2 ways with *toxic manager* and only the strongest ones survive here soz lil”
Leaving that place was THE hardest decision I have ever made! I loved working there before she started I had so many people I loved, trusted and saw as my family. I made the decision to leave to protect what was left of mental health and build myself back up.
I’m trying not to let it bug me but this was Saturday and it’s note Tuesday the comment is still making me angry and upset and wondering if maybe I was week to just leave.
Sorry for the rant I don’t really know what I’m expecting just want to get it off my chest
| 1 |
I don't know what is wrong with me.
|
I don't think I am depressed or have any other sorts of mental issues. But at the same time I feel like I am living in an auto-pilot mode for the past 5\~6 years. I try to keep myself happy, but it feel like if I don't have any obligations that I need to fulfill for someone else or some chores that I need to do, my brain just shuts down. For example, if I have to do something for myself, like studying, workout, my brain just stops functioning like it should. I will just pause mentally. Like, I will be scrolling through stuff or just sit doing nothing without thinking anything or daydreaming. Even stuff like watching movies, playing games, I cannot pay attention to them. Even when I am watching funny videos, I will be like 'that is really funny', but not laugh.
There are a lot of times where I have to remind myself that I am supposed to feel a certain way. For example, I have pretty fun friends and classmates. They will do something in class and everyone, including me is having fun, but turns out I am not smiling and I have kind of a resting bitch face. So, I will be asked why am I upset when everyone is having fun. I have to be like 'no I am happy! I was smiling!'
However at the same time I get emotional at very wrong things. Like, I won't get emotional while getting scolded or anything but cute cat video is enough for me to tear up.
One thing that worries me the most is, I am never interested in anything for long time. For example most of my crushes last for maximum 2 months. One time I was interested in this guy for almost 3 months and I let him know that I am interested, but within less than 2 weeks my interest had all disappeared. Same is the case regarding hobbies, passion or anything. Even the 'favorite' food currently may feel tasteless the next day.
These all are hampering my life a lot. I don't know what to do.
| 2 |
How to see an MD
|
I’ve been with my employer for about one year and they have not given me benefits I keep asking every week but they turned a blind eye I really need to see a medical doctor but I am unable to afford it because I pay rent and bills by myself what is the best way to seek medical attention under my situation.
I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was very very young and I am very close to make a lot of mistakes at work that will cost me or May cost me my job and so in order to prevent this I need to get back to the doctor however since I don’t have medical coverage anymore I am unable to go and so I seem to be on a loop because without treatment I make mistakes and I lose everything what is the best way to approach this?
I am by myself doing all this and I really need a few words of encouragement or support on how to go about with this.
| 1 |
Bullying Trauma
|
\*\*Sorry if I didn't made some things clear and if I made grammatical mistakes. English is not my mother tongue\*\*
I was bullied from around 2nd or 3rd grade, both physically and mentally, until the end of middle school (8th grade). After finishing middle school, I attended a high school where none of my bullies went.
In 4th grade, I had heart surgery and was absent from school for nearly 3 months. When I returned, the physical bullying reduced, though it didn't completely stop. However, the mental bullying continued. Instead of being physically beaten with kicks and punches, I occasionally received slaps over the head.
The primary reason the physical bullying decreased was because people pitied me. I never liked that pity or being looked down upon because of my heart surgery, although I did appreciate the fact that I wasn't physically abused as much anymore.
At the beginning of high school, I tried to make friends and connections, but the bullying I experienced had left me with severe trauma. Whenever I stepped foot into school, I felt as though I suddenly became autistic. The school environment made me feel scared and anxious, causing me to act extremely weird. I struggled to maintain conversations. Additionally, I should mention that I can't seem to remember most of my childhood, particularly memories involving school. This is a response to the trauma I experienced.
Due to the fear and anxiety, I often experience stomachaches, which I've discovered is a symptom of anxiety. When I'm at school, I constantly feel the urge to use the bathroom, and as a result, I frequently go. Unfortunately, my classmates, and sometimes even teachers, insult or laugh at me because of this excessive bathroom usage.
As a coping mechanism, I started to eat less because if I didn't eat, I wouldn't need to use the bathroom as often. I usually only eat when I get home from school.
Now that I have graduated from 9th grade and it's summer break, during the last 3 months of school, my classmates didn't even acknowledge my existence. This was primarily because I tried to form relationships with them, but I failed miserably. After some time, I stopped attempting to make connections, yet they continued to make fun of me and insult me for about a month before eventually forgetting about me entirely.
Before my classmates started ignoring me, I was subjected to some bullying by them. One kid even put a knife to my neck in a joking manner, although he didn't intend to harm me. Strangely, I wasn't even affected by it. I thought to myself, "Cut me, I deserve it." This is another thing I want to mention: when insulted or made fun of by my current classmates, or even when experiencing extreme fear and anxiety with stomachaches, I think to myself, "Whatever, I deserve it."
During the last 3 months of school, I simply sat at my desk, playing on my phone, while feeling fearful and anxious. I can't relax at all when I'm at school.
| 1 |
What is wrong with me? Hypersexual, paranoia, can not sleep
|
I can’t sleep. I’m paranoid my bf is cheating on me and convinced he is. He hates me and does not love me. I am also super hypersexual and even had my first orgasm ever DURING SEX… I’ve never felt that good during anything sexual.
What is happening.
| 1 |
How to talk again with my friends again
|
two weeks ago my friends started to ignore me and i was keep seeking their validation and assurance to the point that they got annoyed and just started ignoring me like i will go and talk and they will just cutoff the conversation after this two days ago i got diagnosed with dependant personality disorder, should i tell them this or should i just give them space for some time and set boundaries for myself, i have a fear of losing them. what should i do ?
| 1 |
How do you deal with being ignored?
|
I have some neighbors who clearly don’t like me. They ignore me and do other things too. How do I handle it? It makes me feel mad which I think is what they expect to happen or something
| 2 |
Laid off, can't find jobs after two solid weeks of landing interviews, just feel like I am worthless.
|
To start, I'm in the logistics industry and have 16+ years in this wonderful hell I've grown to love. And with all that experience, with management, HR, accounting, I cannot land a single job and why? They all require a damned bachelor's degree... A degree is now worth more than 16 years experience, even if you keep up with all industry trends and newest tech to grow with the industry. However it is not good enough compared to the degree which is very disheartening.
I was going to college for being a medical examiner, years ago, but after being diagnosed with epilepsy... And talking with a few examiners... I guess scalpels and seizures don't mix and I was told that my medical background would disqualify me from autopsy. After that, I haven't found any passions or wants to return to college. Why waste the money if I have no direction or know what I would be doing?
And then my latest predicament, laid off from my last job (only one by the way). Didn't expect it since the ledgers were showing profitable, I haven't had any reprimands, so I wasn't expecting anything like this. With my needs it has stressed me out beyond belief which, take a wild guess, triggers my seizures. So, no degree with 16 XP, laid off, stressed with seizures, and no one to talk to or just... Be a friend with.
I feel lonely, lost. In my career, life and just interaction wise at the moment. I don't know, thanks for letting me rant yall...
| 14 |
Loneliness is driving me to relapse into SH
|
I can’t anymore. I just can’t. I feel so fucking alone. I forgot what basic love feels like. There’s no one in my life that cares. My friends are assholes who call me a f***gt constantly and I just roll with it because they are the only people I have left. My family is completely done with me and just tolerates me nowadays. My love life is a joke. The last girl I asked out laughed in my face and called me gay (a slur in the backwards place that I live). My school thinks I’m so weird. I got so many side eyes and weird looks when I went to prom without a date, and when people asked if I had a date and I said no, they just gave me a bad look and walked away. I feel like such a freak. No one cares about me and everyone thinks I’m ugly, fat, and a loser. I’ve been clean for 2 years now, but I just don’t see a point in being so anymore. It gives me relief and punishes me to make myself better. I just don’t see a point anymore.
Update: 2 years gone to nothing. I relapsed :(
| 35 |
Hypersensible
|
Hello everyone , I need advice and idk where to ask it so I figured that here would be a go start. For some times now, I have some breakdowns where I can’t handle being touch or hold even by my bf that I really love. It happened this morning again where he juste cuddle me while waking up. It was so unbearable that I started to cry. I just couldn’t handle it. I just don’t know how to explain to him how I’m feeling bc I don’t even know why I do feel like that. Also, sometimes I have a part of my body that feels weird almost like it doesn’t need to be there and I want it gone… I try massaging it or placing myself in a different way but nothing work. I just want to remove my feet if it’s my feet’s that are not feeling like it should. Idk if I’m clear…
Please if someone understands what I’m feeling or know what it is tell me cause I hate having these things happening to me…
Thanks guys
| 1 |
I have wanted to die every single day of my life for as long as I can remember.
|
As title says, I’ve wanted to die for as long as I can remember. I remember being around 5 and thinking I’d want to be dead. The thought has crossed my mind every single day of my life. As I’ve gotten older, remaining alive causes me real pain. My tummy and heart physically ache every moment of everyday. I will not do it because I have my daughter, I would never leave my baby behind alone in this world without a mother. It just sucks that I have to continue physically aching and longing for death. I can be at work or doing something that is normal and quite pleasant but in the back of my mind I’ll be thinking I just wish I wasn’t here at all. Sometimes when I’m doing house work and I’m home alone I find myself speaking out loud to myself saying “I don’t want to fucking be here anymore”. I just wanted to tell someone this. I’m 27 years old and every single day has been agony.
| 1 |
Hi all! I (21F) am a bit of a hot mess lately and needed to tell somebody :)
|
a trigger warning for mentions of things like sexual violence - I don’t go into any detail! It’s not all a vent I do ask Qs at the end and I’m more interested in general discussion than necessarily demanding anybody’s time to read through every little point.
It’s intimidating coming online. I get anxious about my privacy. it’s sad seeing all the ways that people reach out for help and nobody responds. I can be a judgy bitch in the search for control and justification. but I have to try step out of my comfort zone.
I don’t know what exactly my deal is but it isn’t good. I’ve accumulated a host of traumas over the years - sexual assault and harassment, physical assault and harm, being on the receiving end of bigotry and in generally cooked social environments, natural and man made disasters - and while I struggle with the classic feelings of it not being “enough” I know I’d respect all that coming from anybody else.
I feel as though I have made good efforts to combat the effects and get things under control and it’s not enough. Anxiety terrifies me about a lot and i persevere - I go out every day, I’ve kept myself socially comfortable - but next steps feel like they could be world ending. I try to flatten myself down and not be noticed, and I dread the thought of having a profile in the world or any of my actions having anything to do with anything remotely of consequence to anybody else.
I’ve been increasingly erratic and inaccessible in my relationships, after losing a series of friendships over the past several years (mostly cos of the awfulness of some of those friends but definitely propelled by me lacking tools to address them ideally in most cases), and I feel the need to be apologetic and examine how I could’ve been an issue so often.
Some of my remaining friends feel, I’m really not comfortable saying this because I want to believe, but they do feel out of touch and insensitive, or just unavailable, and I don’t want to disrespect that unavailability. I’ve lived around a lot of rich kids and with our family finances (and family in general) under strain and me being really really bad at getting a job, fair cop I admit it, it just seems like things are steadily getting worse (#costoflivingcrisis) without anybody acknowledging it.
We have been fortunate and can live comfortably but for how much longer? And it makes the prospect of going back to therapy even harder than it already was. I’ve seen a terrible bunch of therapists from a few different backgrounds - dismissive, self-centered, under-equipped for my level of issues and committing malpractice in most cases - and I know reasonably that there’ll still be good ones out there but I just wonder at my location, with our budget etc if that’s within reach for me.
My closest friend is currently getting diagnosed for DID, and I’m so happy for them that they’re finally finding proper self-understanding and receiving appropriate treatment. I’m both scared for them and what they’ve gone through and also miss talking to them at this time. I’m geographically isolated from everybody and feel uncomfortable reaching out either.
I can keep myself going - I look after myself and make sure I’m healthy, I’m never a threat to myself - but these past few weeks especially I’ve felt so checked out from reality during the day and unable to sleep for hours at night. It’s like I veer between feeling like I’m here to punch the clock for 60 years and die, and like I’m wasting every day I need to use before I die.
While it’s not what I’m searching for a career in right now I want to be a writer and I’ve never received any real kind of formal education or opportunities in that space - the insecurity can feel immense about competing in there, let alone with the advent of AI.
Amidst all of this I just feel like I’m a potential harm to other people and when I come especially under mental strain I mismanage and misjudge trying to reach out to others. And yet like I’m only still around for the purpose of trying to help others.
This is just a scattershot of what’s going on not a full picture; it can become weirdly hard to assemble when it goes through your mind all of the time. Plus being defensive and still trying to deflect from things I don’t wanna talk about or put a spotlight on. And the pressure to be “reasonable” and find middle grounds etc. But I hope it’s understandable and I’m around for follow up questions.
I’m not very Reddit literate but recently I stumbled across the CPTSD subreddit and found a lot to relate to in there. I still would fear labelling myself and I’m not asking anybody else for a diagnosis - I guess I’m just asking if anybody in turn can find anything to relate to in what I’m saying, or any answers to what I’m asking. Thank you for your time, have a good day :)
| 1 |
I miss my friend a bit I need a place to rant and release these feelings cause I don’t have a therapist
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I had a friend but I had to let her go. It becomes easier to think about her but sometimes it hurts ngl. I wish I had more friends tbh and that would make me completely forget about her but sometimes it bothers me that we ended off on a bad note. it bothers me also because I show a lot of signs of bpd but I can’t get a diagnosis from my psychiatrist (it might be other things idk but positive I show signs for it but whatever) so I just deal with the symptoms but sometimes I feel like I ruin relationships because of this
| 1 |
I hate myself
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Im a fucking disgusting person.
| 1 |
Repulsed by my stepdad (Mysophobia)
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I have a competition coming up in a week and I can’t get sick, but my stepdad refuses to wash his hands and recently came back from the airport and didn’t have the decency to wash his hands. Therefore he’s sick. And it’s a pattern that whenever he gets sick, my mom gets sick and when she gets sick, I get sick.
He’s cooking as he coughs over our food, without covering his mouth. Coughing into the air without even trying to cover his mouth. Blowing his nose into his hand and then wiping it on his pants. Wiping his nose on tshirts and then laying them down at the dinner table or the counter WHERE WE COOK!
Last times he’s gotten sick (he’s always the first one that gets sick, since my mom and I both have good hygiene) I would tell him to cover his mouth when coughing, but then he would pop off spouting about how I’ll never find anyone to love and tolerate my “absurd” cleanliness, how I’ll die alone if I keep it up and to “get over myself” for it.
He’s blowing his nose and touching door handles, fridge door, microwave, bathroom doorknobs, EVERYTHING and it’s so fucking repulsive and disgusting it makes me crawl out of my skin. As well as when he starts to blow his nose IN THE SHOWER and in the bathroom sink where he then proceeds to leave it filled with yellowish mucus that I have to scrape off. My mom noticed I was acting weird and she asked what was wrong, when I told her about how I’m uncomfortable with him coughing without even trying to cover his mouth she rolled her eyes at me.
I’m currently locked in my room, hiding until they leave cuz being anywhere near him makes me feel like I’m dirty and filthy. My mom touched my hair after touching a doorknob and now I just want to wash my hair again.
I’m so anxious and disgusted. Why can’t he just try and not get everyone in the house sick?! Do I have mysophobia???? Am I obsessing over this too much??
| 1 |
Resources for people in your life that just don’t ‘get it’? I’m tired of being invalidated
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I’ve been on leave from work since early June and I’m currently out till the end of July due to multiple mental health issues (depression, anxiety, burnout and ADHD) as well as fatigue. I’ve had the depression, anxiety and ADHD for a while but about a year and a half ago I got a new job that ended up being extremely stressful and overwhelming. It got to the point where I was having multiple panic attacks a week, having passive suicidal thoughts (wishing I wouldn’t wake up in the morning, thinking if I died in a car accident on the way to the store I wouldn’t mind), crying almost daily, binge eating, switching between being unable to sleep vs unable to stop sleeping (I would fall asleep for multiple hours during the workday because I was so tired), barely showering or performing basic hygiene (I wfh)…you get the idea. It got to the point where I was on step 1 of 2 of getting fired because I started performing so badly. My manager finally admitted to me that she didn’t think I was in the right state of mind to be working right now so I went on leave.
Since November when I actually first started getting medical treatment for my mental health issues, I’ve been on multiple dosages of multiple medications and referred to multiple different specialists, including neuropsych and psychiatry. My last medication change doubled the dosage of what I’m currently on and it’s been about a month so I’m waiting for that to get leveled out and start working.
My parents, especially my mom, are perfectionists. Their house is always perfectly neat and clean, they never miss appointments or paying bills, they always have their shit together. Despite my trying my best to explain why things that are easy for others are difficult for me, they don’t get it. What’s so hard about keeping your house tidy, just clean it? You have multiple appointments coming up that you’re worried about, just write them down? You’re freaking out about going back to that job, just don’t worry about it? If it was that easy for me I would have just done it; do they think I make things hard for myself for fun?
My mom asked me today what I’ve been doing since I’ve been off work. I’m on a medical leave, wtf am I supposed to be doing? I said well I’m looking into a career change so I’ve been doing some certificates and courses online here and there (I’ve dropped them since they weren’t interesting to me, but I tried), and I spend several afternoons a week researching schools and career paths because I’m thinking of going back to school. I’ve been spiraling for the last 8 months so I’ve been picking up some hobbies that I abandoned due to depression, returning to them because I feel that spark again, feel the ability to enjoy things again. I’ve slowly been cleaning up my house little by little. I’ve returned to working on eating healthier and exercising daily because I had gained 15 lbs over the past 6 months. I do nap for approximately an hour most afternoons because I get so tired during the day. I’ve started talking to my friends again. I’ve started reading books again. I’m also navigating the referrals and researching therapists that will take my insurance.
My mom said so you’re basically sitting around all day sleeping.
She measures worth by productivity. If you’re not always doing something (whatever “something” may be) all day every day, you’re just lazy. I’ve been an anxious overachiever since elementary school due to parental pressure. If I don’t have the best grades, if I’m not the best employee at the office, then any accomplishments are worth nearly nothing. I graduated from high school and college with honors, I purchased my house with no financial assistance when I was 22, I’ve received multiple promotions and awards at every job I’ve ever had. I have been nonstop since I was a kid. I never once had a break or cut myself some slack in over a decade. I’ve done all this while having multiple mental health conditions and no medical assistance or other support because to my parents, that’s “just how life is” - they always thought I was being dramatic if I ever tried to tell them something was wrong.
And now, after doing all this alone, I crashed and burned like never before because I just couldn’t sustain it any longer. I couldn’t keep up with the endless workload and carousel of negativity from customers and BS office politics and for the first time since I was a literal child I get to actually rest - but I’m just being dramatic and just trying to get a paid vacation from work because you guessed it - I’m lazy! That’s totally it.
(I want to add that I’m fully aware that my situation isn’t special or unique - a ton people deal with burnout and depression etc and aren’t fortunate enough to have a job with good benefits like I do.)
Now I don’t think my mom is being purposefully malicious or that she’s a bad parent or a bad person - I more get the impression that she simply doesn’t get it. They’re older Gen Xers that still hold some old fashioned beliefs. Does anyone have any good resources to provide to people with a lack of understanding on what life looks like to a person with mental illness?
| 1 |
Just thought I'd list off some of my insecurities, lmk if u can relate (T.W mention of Self Harm & Suicide)
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Thought it would be a good way to contextualise them for myself and maybe find others who share similar insecurities:
- People judge me for my weight
- My hair is too damaged to fix and it'll be frizzy forever
- I worry about hair elsewhere, if people notice it on my arm or that I've missed it in places I can't see
- If I open up to people they'd just worry I'd hurt myself or kill myself
- People notice and judge the scars on my arm
- I worry about going to the bathroom, I'm not comfortable in the mens room but worry people will kick me out of the women's (for context I'm MTF)
- My friends only hang out with me out of pity or just trying to be polite
- No one will ever view me romantically
- I worry about talking to my parents that it'll end in an argument
- My forehead is too big or my lips, or that I look like I have a double chin with my posture
- My voice is annoying
- My family only put up with me because we're family, and find me obnoxious or annoying
- No one likes me as much as I like them or I'm not my best friends best friend
- That I don't pass as a woman
That's usually what's in my head at any given moment, there's a lot more but that's all I can think of rn.
| 1 |
Terrified of sleeping. Please distract me so that I can finally relax enough to sleep.
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Please don’t ask for more details - if I think about it too much, I’m going to have a panic attack alone at 2 am. I need distractions right now. If people are curious, I’ll update in the morning. Please reply with anything distracting and not scary in any way - funny stories, stupid jokes, something wholesome. Please help if you have the time. Please do not mention anything REMOTELY scary because I can’t handle even pg spooky rn.
Edit to say that also, please don’t mention the name of this phobia. No idea why, but it’s very triggering. I know the name.
| 11 |
I don’t want to live
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Like i have many friends but no-one to talk to everything is falling apart I don’t know what i am doing this society sucks they have their rules i dont to follow them i just dont what i am doing everything is fuckedd up help me i want to talk to anyone
| 1 |
Should I go see a therapist?
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I knew I had ptsd. I went to see therapist in university because I didn't have to pay. Since graduating, my mental health got much better so I didn't seek professional help.
Because I had to visit home by the end of this year, I've been feeling a lot of stress. Specifically, I've been having thoughts of hurting my dad. Specifically, I want to castrate my dad. Put fish in a ziplock bag sealed inside his pillow, so he would sleep on dead rotting flesh before he notices. Pour water on him, push him around, actually get in a fist fight with him. Some thoughts are even worse. All of this sounds like the kind of stuff that could get police involved idk.
Is this so bad? Should I go see a therapist? (Please tell me I NEED to go so I can justify setting aside psrt of my pay to take care of my health)
| 1 |
Is this okay?
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I have two friends who are a couple. The three of us are, apparently, the best friends each other has.
The couple had a falling out with another couple. They cut them out. And so did I, because I hated how they treated my friends.
They also took issue with a woman I was dating. Even though she tried her best to remedy the situation, my friends couldn't get over it. They told me to leave her. Otherwise, the three of us would start having problems. Even though she was a good person who was doing her best to better herself and I loved her more than anything, I decided to leave her and cut all contact with her. I wanted to make sure that they knew they were the most important thing to me.
A different girl I was dating treated me like garbage. She never cared about me and took complete control over my life and relationships. Dating her was easily the worst experience of my life. My friends are still cool with her and will not cut her out.
One of my best friends, who I knew for 20 years, and who was also my roommate, asked me to move out so his new girlfriend of a month and a half could move in. He also demanded that I pay not only this month's rent but next month's rent as well, since his girlfriend was between jobs at the moment. I refused to pay, and now we hate each other. Again, my friends are still tight with him and go to events and invite them to get-togethers all of the time.
I know I can't tell people what to do or who to have in their lives, but it feels like they think they can tell me who I can and can't have in mine, even though they would clearly never do that for me.
Is this okay?
| 1 |
How to get your life together
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What’s up need some advice on this.
Wondering why I can’t just cruise through life like before. I don’t know what kind of disorder it is (if it even is one) but I’ve been finding it kind of hard to chat to people in a normal way. I’m not fully engaged with anyone and haven’t been able to build any relationships or maintain any outside of my girlfriend.
I lost my father before Christmas and have struggled with that since but Im not sure the two are related. This kind of started during covid.
I’m not looking after myself properly either, take aways most nights, vaping every 20 seconds, no solid gym routine, my life is just work - walk dog - sleep - repeat but I have a holiday coming up and for whatever reason I’m not looking forward to it?
If anyone has any tips on how to get back out into the world properly or anything at all that would be great
| 1 |
Maybe I am the bad one ( SH might be a good option for me)
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(Mom) housewife lazy (son) does stuff works out makes more money than her she is telling me about a project for the summer I’m working for money and I have to do stuff over the summer which is a “Break” from school yet they have us doing assignments. My grandfather died recently and I can’t go do much she has me stay at the house most of the time I can’t really have free time it’s alawats this that and no one thinks as a man that I feel anxiety depression or anything really after being cheated on lied to and abused (mentally) manipulated and many other things everone thinks my life is good when I make lots of money young now she’s saying life is gonna chew me up and spit me back out I don’t really think she understands what life is herself she barley does anything she has a small part one job senior care not a stressful or demanding one all she does is watch cook help them what not idk what to do stuck in between so many things right now ( best option is SH)
| 1 |
Anyone else just feel empty
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Not your depression empty, but a no thoughts or emotions in your head empty. It's like talking to a brick wall when trying to have a conversation with me, my mind is just blank and empty. I've been like this since a kid, but now that I'm in my late 20s it has only gotten worse. I feel like one day I will just go mute. Thinking/forming sentences and recalling short or long term memories is impossible for me. I hoped it was anxiety/depression and medication would help but it hasn't made a difference..
| 19 |
How do I tell my mom that I want to see a psychiatrist
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I have been in therapy for about 5 months and haven’t seen any progress so I am switching therapists. However, i think it would help for me to see a psychiatrist as well. I haven’t explained to my mom the depth of my anxiety bc she has a tendency to tell me that I’m being over dramatic and irrational and hearing that will push me over the edge. My mom things that my social anxiety is a mild disorder and that I will grow out of it over time. She knows that I have generalized anxiety but thinks that it is irrational and therefore I should be able to get over it with willpower. I have gotten to the point where I don’t think that therapy alone will be sufficient to manage my anxiety but my mom doesn’t see my problem as serious so it is really difficult for me to ask her to see a psychiatrist because I feel like she will see it as unnecessary and say no or belittle me and gaslight me into thinking I don’t need it after all.
| 3 |
I feel cornered.
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Had been struggling with my mental health for a long time, mostly by sucking it up, everything was worsening, I started SH, depressive episodes abd suicidal ideation became more frequent, some time ago I started seeking help, got prescribed 100 mg fluvoxamine and started therapy, wasn't feeling much better, and after a heavy depressive episode and seriously thinking about suicide my friends called emergency services on me, got diagnosed with depressive personality disorder and mixed anxiety disorder, my fluvoxamine dose was doubled, I stopped SH, feld free of social anxiety since forever, things started looking bright, but I run out of my meds, I have a prescription, but there are shortages and I am unable to get it anywhere, I feel the sudden withdrawal hard, I relapsed, I feel like I am back at the beginning, and this time I can't do anything.
| 1 |
how to stop self sabotaging?
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how do i stop self sabotaging and overthinking?
| 1 |
My neighbor is a hoarder.
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I live in a townhouse, and the neighbor who lives directly next to me is a hoarder. We have had to assist her with climbing over her things before because she was unable to open her front door. I feel really bad for her, as she's an older woman who lives alone and it seems that there are some serious mental health issues that have resulting in her hoarding. It's obviously a very serious issue for her. Her hoarding can be seen though the windows outside, and even in her car. The inside of her house is completely stacked with things from every inch of the floor all the way up to the ceiling.
It's gotten really bad, and it's gotten to the point where my partner and I are starting to notice a very intense smell in our home where the walls are the thinnest. It's a putrid musty odor that smells like mildew, mold, and body odor.
Neither of us can continue to ignore the smell, and watch her continue to live like that without help. We need to do something, and I know that hoarding is a symptom of mental health, and many times people are unable to even be aware that there is a problem at hand. I do not want to directly confront her, but something has to happen. Does anyone have any experience with this? We do not have landlords, so the people I could possibly report to about this that is somewhat involved with out complex is the HOA. But before I do that, I was hoping there may be some form of adult protective or mental health services I could call to do a wellness check on her. I'm not really sure. If anyone has any suggestions on how to best navigate this sensitive situation please let me know.
| 1 |
Why am I like this?
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I’m sorry this is very, very long……
I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety since I was a teen but over the last few years I feel like I’ve gotten worse. By worse, I mean I feel overwhelmed easily and shut down or freak out. I have no focus. I feel like I live in a fog, but the worst thing that really scares me is that I do this weird thing when I’m either working or trying to complete a task. It’s almost like I’m sabotaging myself. I do things with the intent that it will help me. For instance, I paid $2.95 for a trial membership to a resume building program. I’ve been fiddling around with it for several hours between yesterday and today when I could have just quickly updated the word document. In a work situation, if I’m working on an excel report, I cannot help myself from doing unnecessary things that I’ve convinced myself is going to make what I’m doing quicker but it never does. I’m very easily distracted which adds to the slowness, and my memory is terrible. I can’t have a conversation with anyone without going off on a bunch of tangents. My brain is just going a million miles a minute thinking about stuff I need to do and I’m constantly creating new “projects” that I start and never finish. If my husband asks me to order dinner on my phone, he has to stand there and make sure I do it, otherwise I’ll pick up the cell phone and immediately get sucked into whatever page was last open and forget all about ordering. I write texts to my friends but never finish them and/or don’t press send and then I’ll find it a couple days later when I’m wondering why they haven’t responded.
I’m a control freak. At home everything has to be done my way or I can’t function. I won’t ask for help or accept it, but I’ll leave everything until the last minute.
I have 3 kids and a messy husband. The kids don’t listen or do their chores so I barely leave my bedroom because I can’t stand the messes they make. I yell and yell and yell but nothing changes.
For about the last 5 years I’ve been dealing with Trichotillomania which adds additional wasted time to my day because I’ll just play with my hair and stare at the computer feeling sorry for myself.
I don’t eat until the evening. I won’t allow myself anything because it makes me want to eat more and it makes me tired, but it’s also for my weight. I used to be chubby and i swore I would never gain the pounds back.
I cry all of the time. All I have to do is think about something bad that happened and I’m like a water fountain.
I also sleep A LOT. I can sleep all day and then be up for a couple of hours and go back to sleep for the night.
I’m on a bunch of medications for anxiety and depression. Honestly, I can’t tell if they help because I don’t know what it’s like to be non-medicated. Maybe I’m on the wrong things and they’re making me worse or at the very least just not helping.
I’m tired of living this way. I want off of the meds but that seems impossible.
I just don’t understand what’s wrong with me.
I’m applying for a new job and i’m terrified that I’ll fk it up and get fired.
I’m so envious of normal people and I feel bad for my kids even though I do a lot for them. They’re going to remember growing up with mom always in the bedroom either at my desk or sitting in my bed (or sleeping all day).
I’m in the CPTSD subreddit and the hsp (Highly Sensitive Person) subreddit.
I’m hoping though that someone here reads my story and can relate or give advice.
Thank you for your time 😊
| 1 |
How to deal with my mental health issues when I cannot get therapy?
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So far I'm diagnosed with ADHD, recurrent depression and several cluster B traits thus I currently have suspected diagnoses of emotional instable, unspecified and mixed personality disorder (F60.3 V, F60.9 V, F61 V)
I tried behavioural therapy twice but after a few sessions the therapists didn't want to work with me anymore. Ever since I cannot find a new therapist because nooone is taking new patients or at least not me in particular. And noone has a waiting list. (For context: therapy is paid by the mandatory health insurance here but you have to find a therapist who's willing to work with you on your own)
I'm more or less functional, I manage to go to work and haven't destroyed my relationship yet. But I struggle with a lot and know I need help: I make mistakes at work due to trouble focusing, I can't keep my flat tidy and clean due to ADHD paralysis, I have money issues due to reckless behaviour, sleeping issues, anger issues up to the point where I get abusive and physically violent, I zone out alot / dissociate and I get depressive phases in which I barely manage to leave the bed.
Has anyone advice on how to deal with all of this when I cannot get therapy?
| 1 |
I think I may have an anger related problem but I can't figure what and I can't go to therapy because of cultural beliefs on it
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I get VERY ANGRY for no reason. One minute ago, something that I like to call "crazy burst" happened. I squeezed things (like my phone, bedsheet, or just the air), laughed angrily and high pitched, moving my legs up and down, scrunching my teeth, looking weirdly at things and shaking (controlably somehow?). I can also slam things and roll around. As I said, it's controllable, but after I stop my arms hurt, I breathe heavily and tear up a bit and have another one until I eventually get tured and sit there in utter melancholy and sometimes I cry. What's wrong with me?
| 2 |
Should I tell my therapist I purged for the first time even though I won’t do it again?
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*tw eating disorder(?)* I have lost 25 pounds in a few months. I went from nearly overweight to a bmi of 21, and a size 12 to a size 6. I lost this weight after I told my psychiatrist I needed to lose weight and he prescribed stimulants which I now heavily rely on. Sometimes I take a little more than prescribed.
There is a lot of pressure for me to keep at my weight. My wedding is coming up in a year.
Is there a point to telling my therapist if I won’t throw up again?
I ate half a 7oz bag of popcorn a day ago. I felt panicked and made myself throw up for the first time, multiple times in one sitting. But I won’t do it again, I was reading about the long term effects of purging and it freaked me out.
Will he tell my psychiatrist?
| 1 |
Back again to try to help some people!
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Hello! This is my 4th post here about me trying to help people. And Its going great. I have met so many of people here and I keep tabs on how they are doing. I am here to see if I could do that for more people. If you need to talk, or vent, or anything, please let me know. You can either talk to me in either the the comments or DM me. whichever gives you the most security and comfort! Please know that you do not have to go through this on your own. (If I don't respond right away, Don't worry. I'm spending time with my kid. I care and I'm here)
| 1 |
I feel like deleting one of my accounts on an ai site
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I suspect I have false memories of terrible things i did due to ocd, there just seems to be no way they could have happened and I would've recalled them but didn't. Instead they "resurfaced" years later and I had to do a lot of compulsions to deal with it. However I can say for sure and it still impacts me to an extent. I have learnt to accept that uncertainty (mostly. Right now I'm having a problem where I was having a rp with an ai and I sent a message that I now associate with one of those "memories" and even though I deleted it. There's a slight chance it exists within its memory somewhere and I don't want it to.
| 1 |
Can You Suffer From Disinhibited Socia Engagement Disorder As AnA Adult?
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I Feel Some The Symptoms Align With So I’m Just Curious As An 18 Year Old Weather Or Not I Might Be Able To Get The Diagnoses?
| 1 |
I feel like shit
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I (21M) feel like a stupid piece of shit all the time.. I've always had a terribly low self-esteem.. It's seriously affecting my life in some basic situations and I have severe suicidal thoughts because of it..
I'll give an example of why I'm saying this:
I was hired for an internship in a finance department last week and I can't stand the fact that everyone ignores me here and I don't have a clue of what I should actually do. I'm constantly get told shit like: "analyse the reports I sent you, get familiar with them, make sure you understand how it all works"... I don't get any real tasks to do, I'm incredibly bored by just looking at them for a few hours every day..
They probably don't know what to do with me, I'm often asked to contact some people concerning some projects I'm supposed to join soon, these people usually reply "wtf are you smoking mate, didn't know you were in this project lmao" (ofc in a more polite way).
My line manager (who is supposed to take care of me) is very busy with his own tasks, he's also probably sick of my autistic, stupid ass
So finally, I end up doing almost nothing, I have to sit in this office even though I have absolutely nothing to do.. I lack the courage and social skills to talk about it with my boss, I know they view me as an autistic, weird, mentally-ill idiot and they're about to fire me as soon as possible. I've always had problems with social communication, I stammer a lot, I'm incredibly boring in conversations, I feel so insecure, it's crazy.. Everyone sees it and makes fun of me..
My life is painfully hard because of it. The situation at work is just an example, I also get so stressed out in similar situations... So the amount of stress I experience every day is beyond crazy.. It destroys my body, my mind, I feel so awful all the time.. Now I've got nothing in life but suicidal thoughts..
| 1 |
I'm dating a girl with cuts on her arm
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Not a native
I've met this girl, we got along well and we went on a first date. She didn't mention the topic in any way and I didn't ask, but she has scars on her left arm on her veins. I'm not planning on asking anything and even if honestly the thing scared me a bit I would like to see her again. I'm afraid of hurting her. Any advice?
| 93 |
Does anyone else feel forgetful with anxiety and depression?
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I keep forgetting to do stuff like set timers and shut animal doors because I get side tracked by something else then it exits my mind
| 1 |
i just graduated
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i just got my grades of my exams today, and the actual graduation ceremony thing is on thursday. the exams i had were both written and oral exams, i in fact took my last oral exams right before the results. it’s weird to think how i was in such a bad place mentally just over two years ago and now i graduated !!
| 0 |
What should I do if I don’t like the person I’ve become and burned all my bridges?
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What should I do if I don’t like the person I’ve become and burned all my bridges?
| 1 |
Am I bipolar?
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I've been to therapy and psychiatrist. I am diagnosed OCD and depressive. Overall, I'm doing very well. I lead a pretty normal life and am no longer on medication. Some recent thoughts made me realize that I may be experiencing severe highs and lows.
Some days I feel like I have everything I could ever want. I have my child, my SO, a nice home, my pets, etc. And like I have so much mental energy (autoimmune disease so not always physical energy) that I could talk your ear off and make plans and lists and get stuff done
Other days I feel like I'm missing something huge and my life is never going to get better and I'm stuck in a rut. These days I try to remember how I felt on the good days and this will pass, how could I even think that now? It's not much a thought though, just feeling.
I've always observed my father as being bipolar or something similar, although he'd never admit it or seek help. And now I'm wondering if maybe I am as well? These days can rotate within the same week. Thoughts/advice?
| 1 |
My best Friend is dating my Crush
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He is dating her for over 4 months now and tells me to much about their sexual life and relationship. Every time he tells me something about what they’ve done im getting depressed for a while. Normally i wouldn’t really care but i have a crush on her for over 7 years now and never really told her that i love her. It’s really hard to concentrate now in School or at home because all i think about is how they have Sex.
I hope you understand me
| 1 |
Wrote a blog about my work burnout, would love to hear your thoughts
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Would love to hear your stories too, here is mine about taking a brake and my past experience with burnout: [Holiday, it’s a must!](https://turning30isshit.medium.com/holiday-it-is-a-must-and-no-numbers-dont-need-to-go-in-order-6a8a58f9cc7a)
| 1 |
citalopram
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has anyone been on citalopram for depression and how was it
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