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Bad thoughts won’t go away today
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Been sick in my stomach for two days and met up with my bf for lunch. Some reason I felt offended he didn’t see my perspective or opinion that sunbathing is really important and he should lay out in the sun to gain clarity. I was somewhat arguing or being petty about it and at work I feel really negative about myself like I don’t deserve love and I don’t even deserve to be on earth cuz I’m a waste of space. I have it in my head I’m not helpful people don’t see me for my value and that when I offer insight on something it’s not truly valued or seen as right for someone. Idk what’s wrong with me because I just keep thinking he doesn’t actually care for me and I’m just a problem for his life and he’d rather work on career than spend time with me and that makes me wonder my value and his reflection makes me insecure about myself because I’m not as confident and good to go as he is, I think I’m more codependent but he thinks I’m independent. He doesn’t need me he wants me so he’s healthy and happy but my mind or self sabotaging fears tell me it’s not real and I’m not valued and I don’t matter it’s wrong to think I can have a successful happy relationship and have hopes of moving in together. Not sure where all this shit is coming from or why I feel a tsunami of negative emotions and thoughts. I keep thinking I’m a problem and I shouldn’t bother him with wanting his attention and love and playfulness. It’s hard for me to focus in the real world sometimes because it’s stressful and I don’t have it all figured out it’s much easier to play and experience life like a playground
| 1 |
14m, idk what to do
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Idk if this belongs here but I wanted to ask for suggestions/help, I (14m) was diagnosed with cptsd about 6 months ago, had an abusive step dad and a inattentive mother, we lived on a hobby farm and as a coping mechanism I would kill an animal, it started off with chickens and escalated to cattle and horses, after about 4 years of that I was moved into my fathers care and am looked after very well and see two psychologists every week but idk what is wrong with me, I hear voices that won’t go away until I kill but this relief only lasts 1-2 days and now that I no longer live on a farm I have to kill stray cats, birds and mice, my dad found this very disturbing and got a psychologist to help me find a healthy coping mechanism. The psychologists have not worked yet but I dont want my dad to worry anymore so I stopped killing but the voices were getting overwhelming so I tried sh, this made the voices stop but only for about a day, I have so far continued this but I am afraid of my dad finding out and my shoulders and thighs are covered in scars.
Sorry if this is very messy and unorganised, idk what to do, I’m sick of sh but the voices get so overwhelming especially at school, it makes me feel like shit killing and having an urge to. I feel like ending it might be the only way out, at least then the voices stop and I won’t hurt a person.
| 4 |
I cant be alone
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i dont know if this is a mental problem or just something weird but i want to lnow if anyone has the same thing. i cant be alone, i grt so mindlessly bored without any human interaction that my brai drives itself crazy and i just need to be distracted by another person, even if we are just sitting in the same room on our phones, as long as my existence is acknowledged and im "with" someone its fine. if im alone amd no one i know can meet or even facetime ill just go out into town and talk to randoms who seem interesting which is quite fun tbh but ive learned its a dangerous game. but id rather that that to be completely by myself with just my brain as company. does anyone else have the same thing or am i just weird.
EDIT: just want to clarify im 15 male i dont have any mental conditions and im not looking for a diagnosis i just want to understand what it is and how i can stop it.
| 1 |
Mental health resources
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Hello all,
I am a therapist and I hope it is okay to post here. I have struggled with my own mental health and had therapy from a young age (this encouraged me to become a therapist myself). I truly believe mental health is always an ongoing journey of fighting back against the brain pathways that were so frequently travelled/created during childhood.
Using my learned knowledge, I opened up an Etsy shop selling materials to help improve mental health, check it out if you're interested: [https://www.etsy.com/shop/WordsOfWellbeing](https://www.etsy.com/shop/WordsOfWellbeing)
Thanks,
Sophie.
| 2 |
Online Mental Health survey!
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[Link to the Google Form!](https://forms.gle/UuB1H6fbUxKK13q79)
Hi guys! I am looking for some people willing to answer a quick and anonymous survey about Online Mental Health resources. If you are interested in participating, feel free to fill out the form. This is for a University class and isn't meant to be used for official research.
| 1 |
My landlord is a narcissist and I feel being sucked back in to previous abuse
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My immediate family I cut off was all narcissists. The gaslighting “I never said that; we did this.” The tiny bit of leeway or niceness to get you back into doing whatever they want, then going back to being cold. The passive aggression and back-and-forth.
I am renting on my own for the first time in my life. I’ve been here 3 months, and I’m finding out how much my landlord is like this. I paid a lump sum up front for the year because it was the only way I could get it when lots of people wanted it. And I got an extra pet fee every month for having 3 cats. No problem.
But then I had to bring one of them back to the shelter. I contacted him about the pet fee, because he only added it concerning the third cat, not the first two. It was $100 per month, 12 months, so $1200. I asked him if I could get a refund for the rest of the months I’ll be here with 2 cats, which is 9 months. He said he never gave me a pet fee and what I paid was just the list price. I tried reminding him of the specific conversation but he said no, we just discussed them, I didn’t charge you a fee. I gave in after trying for a little while.
Today, I messaged him asking for a definitive writing assurance that I’m here until December 15th and I get my security deposit back unless I cause damage to the house. He responded “thanks” like offended. I responded can you please write it out? He was like “write what!” I explained it and then he changed the subject to cleaning the house, then asking why I want to move. I said it’s personal and he was questioning that. Then told me not to move out because I wouldn’t get another rental and if I extend the lease until spring he will lower the price. I responded saying can we keep this professional? Any tenant would want that written down for safety. I want assurance, no more mixups. He responded “I have always treated you professionally , I was just saying to clean” and he STILL hasn’t written it. And btw telling me it’s in the rental agreement to get it professionally cleaned, when I just double checked and it’s not.
According to the neighbors, he wouldn’t give the previous tenant their security deposit back, and when they tried, he said “Sue me”.
I looked him up on LinkedIn and he is supposedly an expert in logic and memory stuff. So I don’t know if he is a narcissist or playing with his skills to get as much money as possible. Or both. But I know that it’s getting hard to stay grounded and clear-headed. I got sucked into gaslighting and doubting my own memories and logic for years. And I’m sorry this is so long but I don’t have anyone to talk to about it except my therapist, and that is not until tomorrow. My mind is shaky today. I know I’m being played with and used.
| 2 |
Help a brother out
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Hello People,
The reason i write this post is because i 1st want to sort out my own thoughts and 2nd look for some help/ advice, since i don’t really have anybody to talk about this particular topic with.
I am a 19 year old boy, and generally i think that i am extroverted and good with people, good looking, i am tall, confident and somewhat smart (even though this is something every dumb person would say :D).
For quite some time i haven’t been doing well mentally, because of mostly one particular topic. That topic is women, or more specifically, the absence of them.
Since i was 15, i was known as THAT GUY in the friend group who had no success with women at all, which really bothered me, but i wasn’t that sporty and had no sense of fashion whatsoever, so that’s kinda on me. I gained a lot of female friends, but sometimes it bothered me that all of them really just saw me as a friend. When I was with people and friends, it didn’t really bother me, but every time i got home from a party/ get together i felt lonely. And until we finished Highschool, i just had to live like this.
Now that I have moved to another City, my life is going really well, I have friends, a good job, a loving family, money, etc., but I find myself thinking about girls/ “that i really want a girlfriend”/ “that i am really alone” constantly when I am alone and don’t have anything to do.
But the thing is, that in reality its not even that bad, since occasionally i do hook up with a girl or just flirt with one in a bar, but it usually leads to nothing meaningful because for some reason they loose interest in me really fast. And well it sadly can’t be my looks, so it must be my character.
What’s worse though for my mental health, is every time i open any social media, I see all these beautiful women (not thirst traps of women in bikinis, just normal reels/ posts) and i get these bad thoughts like “i know no women like this will ever even recognise my existence” or seeing them just generally reminds me of how alone I am.
It has gotten so bad, that i often think “what did he do to deserve to be loved” when i see a guy with a girlfriend in public, which just shows, how much this problem bothers me, even though rationally, it isn’t that big of an issue.
I am really trying to improve and not to think about it, but i can’t do anything about it, since it just keeps popping up in my head when i am alone. I have deleted most social media apps, i have been going to the gym a lot, i am eating healthy and im trying to meet new people, but these bad thoughts persist and no matter how hard i try, i can’t think of other things.
What adds to my confusion is, that (i think) i know women really well, since i have 3 sisters and one of my older sisters in particular taught me about feminism, how women communicate, how to respect a woman, consent, etc. (you would think that this is the bare minimum, but most guys who “get a lot of women” are often really sexist), so i can read women pretty well.
But I feel like because i am so unsuccessful, when i do text with a girl, i am always way too emotionally attached in my head (i try not to show it to her tho), which isn’t really helpful either.
I know this all sounds a little bit laughable, since just not getting girls isn’t that big of an issue for most people and i also know that i am still pretty young, but it really is a big deal to me, for some reason.
If anybody actually reads all this and has any thoughts or advice on how to stop myself from obsessing over this topic or just how to be more successful with girls, feel free to tell me.
Thanks
| 1 |
Help
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I need help. And I don’t know how to get it. And I’m scared to ask for it. Mental health support through my health insurance is very inaccessible for people suffering mental illness and especially people actively in crisis.
They say if you are in crisis or having a psychiatric emergency to go to the hospital. But what will actually happen if I do that? What will happen to me if I walk into the hospital and say “I’m in crisis and I want to hurt myself”?
| 1 |
Time to add my effexor back?
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Ok so around October I got off of suboxone after being it for about 8 years, taking 2-3 8mg strips a day. I tapered for about a month, if that, from one strip/day to 1/8th if a strip for my last 5 days or so. I tapered too quickly but I made it through. Once I hit 2 weeks off though, the depression hit REALLY bad and I quit subs once in the past only for a month maybe but what helped me quit and take those effects ya away, give me energy, be a mood booster, take away any lingering withdrawal symptoms, etc, but still not feel high. I didn’t detox last time I quit the kratom (but I also just got right back on the subs) So I had experience with it. After about 3 months on the kratom I tried to begin tapering to get off that because I noticed detox symptoms if I didn’t have it. I tried for 3 months unsuccessfully. It would literally be the difference of one capsule that I would feel ok and able to function from being unable to work, function, socialize and curled up in a ball detoxing, literally within 12 hours of my last dose, feeling like I’m at the peak of my WD. So I was off subs for about 6 months at that point and I just couldn’t get off the kratom. I got a month script of subs and have been taking half strip/ day at first, I’m now down to an 8th of a strip with half a strip left, which I plan on taking in 1/16ths. And after that, tough through anything.
I’ve started feeling idk…extremely apathetic, not pleased or happy or content with anything. Just feeling like I’m there existing. My bf thinks it may be a good time to start taking a very low dose of my effexor again to help my energy and depression and feeling of apathy. Obviously I’m going to ask my doctor first, but I’m just looking for advice, seeing if anyone has had similar experiences?
| 1 |
I just...dunno
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I'm 17F and about to do my alevels (UK, meaning I go to uni in September). I feel completely trapped no matter what I do. people from the UK here will know that the camhs waiting list is horrendous and because I'm 18 in 2 months I feel like there's no point in me even going. I've been through camhs before, got sectioned, attacked a nurse and practically got kicked out. I can't go through the shame of being the broken child again but I also don't think I can hold till I move out in september.
I'm just stuck in limbo and idk how to escape.
| 1 |
I have this problem with shaving/cutting hair, can anyone provide any insight?
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So basically everytime I need to shave or get a hair cut I get this very intense feeling of a mix of anxiety and fear along with freezing up. It gets hard to breathe and I can feel every heartbeat pounding in my chest and I just wanna be able to take care of myself without feeling like that, please help me if you can
| 1 |
I am feeling very shitty about my life and I’m scared
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I grew up with somewhat toxic parents and the list of things they’ve done to make me feel shitty about my life is really long. I have a lot of trauma from that that I am still trying to heal from but recently it feels like I probably will never heal from it. About a year ago, I started talking to a guy who was a friend of my siblings and he was everything and I really mean EVERYTHING. He made me feel so special and so good about myself. I felt very isolated because of the pandemic and he helped me with my mental health. He helped me with dealing with the trauma from my parents and when I finally moved away for school, he was the most supportive person ever. I thought we were compatible in all ways but it turns out I was wrong. He told me that he doesn’t see me as his romantic partner (right before he was supposed to come see me bc we were long distance). He said so many things that completely broke me and said that anything he’s ever said to me in a romantic manner that he changed his mind and that he didn’t mean it. I have been left feeling so alone and so isolated. I just moved to a new country and I feel so alone. I have struggled with thinking that I have never had anyone in my life who has fought to keep me in their life and I’ve never felt like anyone’s favorite. The way I see it, if my own parents can’t do what it takes to show me love in the right ways, who ever will? Is there something so broken with me that I’m always a placeholder and never the one that someone wants to risk it all for? Sometimes I can be a little “delusional” because of shows like scandal and all lol. But I just really want to be loved so well and so deep because I love other people so deep but I never get that in return. Is there something wrong with wanting that? I have been struggling so much recently that I’m feeling very suicidal. Unfortunately, I have enough medical knowledge that I could be able to do it so simply and easily and I’ve been having such a hard time finding anything to keep me going. I’m just really having a hard time wanting to go on. My plans and ambitions seem to not be enough to keep me going
| 1 |
ADHD is ruining my life, so how do get my life back on track?
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Hey, everyone so I(17) have been in hot water so many times due to severe ADHD (but can't get diagnosed or even get help(thank you momma and papa) so I have decided to fuck it and self-medicate. I am 90% sure I have ADHD as these are my symptoms: A) I can't concentrate on anything, I have to tie myself up to even read my favorite books. I can't even do things I like for an hour straight. Since childhood, I have procrastinated until the last minute. Nothing, nothing has helped me be productive. I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING. B) When I get these periods of hyper-fixation, I just cannot think about anything else, and I only wish to do those things I'm currently hyper-fixated on. C) I tend to forget things all the time and there are many more symptoms but I'm getting too tired to list them all. So I cannot access therapy thanks to my parents and live in a country where mental health is taboo so what can I do to get out of this dilemma?
I have to do something because I have a test in two days and I haven't even touched my books and can't get myself to touch them. I just can't get myself to do anything, except pace around the room. Please help. So do I self-medicate? If so which one would be better Concentra or Modalert (the only ones available without a prescription)?
| 3 |
I really hate myself, and maybe...you do too?
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I thought I'd be honest with myself for once and expressly state that I hate myself. There are things I TRULY hate about myself. I've been pushing that feeling down, but it's true. I hate I can't conctrate, I'm unmotivated, and I haven't been creative in years. I hate that I can't make or maintain friendships.
I want to hear anyone else out there. Do you hate yourself? Why? Oddly this is supportive, once I acknowledge this and share kinship, maybe I can work on getting past it. Self compassion or something.
| 4 |
I need advice
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so after an attempt i (15) started prozac, then my mom made me switch psychiatrists. prozac made me feel strange, but good strange, happier than i’ve ever felt. then my new psychiatrist started me on zoloft, this led to me being very hyper and excitable, then during school (art) i started putting random things together and feeling like these 2 shadowy figures were trying to tell me something through art, the whole time i’d hardly slept, i was very happy and then it just took a turn. i could feel/hear the walls heartbeat, i made a little hole in the wall and i could see spiders anyways i know this because i wrote some shit down, apparently i accused my mom of some shit and walked out of school, arguing with a teacher. now i have 2 psychiatrists, one says i don’t need meds and one is recommending latuda. the thing is i have depressive episodes that come and go, and the rest of the the time my adhd is just too much. i just feel scared of it happening again, because i know it happened to my dad a lot, even without any ssris. do i need meds, because rn i can’t stop thinking about how i should just kms.
| 6 |
I'm scared that I'm becoming too reliant on my friend, how do I stop this?
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Two things before I start:
1. This is reposted but is my own post
2. I apologize if I mislabel this post
I understand the title is a bit confusing, so let me explain. I have a friend (whom I won't describe for privacy reasons) whom I recently met about two months ago. We both got it off quite well as friends and soon, started sharing traumatic experiences during late-night conversations. For context, I was SA'd twice during 2022 and still haven't gotten therapy for it. All this, along with a nasty rumor being spread about me and getting cheated on, led me to be desperate for friends and social interactions. What I'm scared about, is I think I'm becoming too desperate for attention. I have terrible nights sometimes and will text them about how I'm hurting myself, effectively manipulating them into giving me attention. I feel horrible for this and I believe this greed is seeping into our day conversations as well. They mentioned to me after a moment we had (I'm not sure what to call it, but I was taking everything they said out of context and using it to put myself in the negative light I thought I deserved, and they were responding with how those feelings were nothing special to them) and said that during the entire thing I was guilt tripping them. I seem to do this without even noticing and it needs to stop.
Is there anything I can do? I have more friends outside of just them, but they're the only ones who have mentioned it.
(Sorry for any bad grammer or misspelling, I'm typing this on my phone)
| 1 |
I called a welfare check on my sister, now I feel guilty
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My (28 F) sister (26 F) has had a history of mental health issues that has gotten worse over the years. She threatens to end it often when things are not going well and this past incident was probably the worst. Every week she is facing a hardship. It really seems the world is out to get her but in it all I try to remain positive, but she doesn’t want to hear it.
Back when she was still in high school she had tried oding & I found her. When she was coming in and out she’d voice how my mom (mid 40s F) and I were to blame for how she turned out. My mom for bring her into a world without financial stability and me, well I still don’t exactly know what she blames me for.
After this since she was still a minor she was admitted and treated. Then, diagnosed with bpd and medicated with a low dosage. Over a few months docs saw improvements and actually took back their diagnosis and said she was just lashing out.
In the later year we still saw reoccurring issues, low motivation, paranoia, remained pessimistic, lost interest in things. Very high highs and low lows.
Fast forward over a decade she is unstable in every aspect. During the pandi she did not use her stimulus money wisely and got way too comfortable receiving those checks. Then the bad habits caught up to her. Lost her apartment and moved in with a roommate off line(mom and I decided we could no longer live with her). Could no longer afford a car she started paying for with stimulus money.
She recently had been sharing her dark thoughts of harming herself and others with me. It’s scary thoughts that I tell her to try to stay away from and that they are not healthy. I repeatedly tell her to seek help but she just sees it as a waste of money and does not look for resources.
She has not been in contact with my mom since my mom felt it would be best to block her since she has not only drained her mentally but also financially and spiritually. I let my mom know what is going on and she has a welfare check done on my sister. Once the officer arrives they say she seems fine but the contact me to ask why I thought she needed the welfare check so I go through what has been happening and the officer asks for screenshots. From there he decided to go back and I guess do an even more thorough check and deciders she needs to be admitted. She taken forcefully and sedated at the hospital and we don’t know about her for a few hours. Maybe 4 hours later we’re updated that she is just asleep and that she’ll talk to a doctor once she wakes up.
Once she woke up she talked to a doctor and he was ready to release her until he spoke with me on the phone. Apparently, she was not being honest in their talk.
She’s later able to make a phone call to me and immediately asks me “what did you say to the doctor?” That after talking to me he did not feel well releasing her.
Then starts blaming me for losing a week of work/productivity.
Tells me there’s nothing they’re doing but putting people to sleep there. And that where she was is not a magical place for her to get help but just a setback, that she has things to get done.
No I feel like I did a bad thing. She told me to find a way to get her out and to contact the doctor to tell them to release her. I told her I wouldn’t do that and that if they called me again I would be honest and not do what she’s telling me to do . She told me that she was not going to harm herself like those messages said and that I read them out of context. I didn’t. They’re graphic messages that cannot be misinterpreted.
Did I do the wrong thing? I’m the only person she has left and she is pushing me away. She doesn’t see the work i put in by trying to see her once a week an calls it pitiful. Says I only talk to her when things are bad but I think it’s the other way around. she’s the one that contacts me when things are bad but will never ask for help and is still willing to receive help. She had actually accused my mom of only being there for her when she was in need but all by mom was trying to do was help her daughter. Idk what is wrong or right and I feel guilty that she’s not seeing that she can get help.
| 2 |
my loneliness prevents me from enjoying life
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I'm 14, and i find it hard to make friends or just talk to people. I'm not particularly close with my parents too. I don't have any siblings or any cousin I'mclose with. The much I've grown lonely is just too much. I struggle to find the meaning of life. Of course, everyone feels these things in their life. In conclusion I'm basically a rotting piece of sh¡t and honestly gonna die if this continues.
| 1 |
Question
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Is it normal for young adults/late teen people to go through a phase in which death seems appealing, and life seems like a bit of a drag? If you reach a point where every seemingly positive aspect in life begins to feel very superficial and you don’t mind the thought of dying, is that normal or bad?
| 3 |
IDK what to do now, seriously leaving might be the best thing now
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I'm 19M and preparing for uni exam and bc of my adhd i never performed good in school but idk why everyone had very positive attitube towards me, teachers always used to praise me and used to say y'll do something good in your life despite me not performing good in anything. Anyways I'm preparing for uni and if i didn't got good college i'm fully fucked there're so little good institution in my country. I want to be an actor while doing freelance coding to afford living I wanted to move London but... it was a hopeful life nevertheless I DIDNT knew I was sexually abused, I have abandonment issues due to which i never really opened up and now i don't wanna hurt my family but there's no way around. I didn't studied as much as i should have. I knew I was blessed with so many good things which could have helped me in my acting carrer and in my school life but I good everything for granted and now my mistake are irreversible i will never achieve what i could've acheived. I made my 8y/o version of me ashmed my whole childhood i dreamt to be good and do good in life and I knew have that until I realized it's too late. I'm nothing and me not being here wouldn't make any difference I don't want to live this life. I can't live with so many regrets I wanna die with natural causes so people who "know me" won't feel they could've saved me 'cause they can't inface no one can. I feel sick of all relationships every relationship hurts you someday and it's the worst IDK how to disaprear completely without hurting anyone
| 1 |
Can anyone relate to this?
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I'm not sure how to really articulate this, so if this doesn't make sense I'm sorry in advance.
I was diagnosed with anxiety and OCD a few years ago, and ADHD last year. I deal with distressing ruminating thoughts about things that I care about, making me unable to enjoy them. It's almost like anything that I don't really have to concentrate too hard on my brain makes me ruminate about, like it's a machine constantly working on overdrive. I'm now on zoloft which I've been on for two years, and ritalin which I started this year.
The medication has helped to an extent, the anxiety symptoms are less prominent, the rumination isn't quite as strong and I'm functioning better in terms of ADHD stuff. But what hasn't gone away is my inability to relax.
I'll try to explain it:
I can't fully enjoy anything. Whenever I do something I love, my brain works too hard. I don't know how to explain it, maybe it's agitation? Some kind of energy in my brain. I'll give some examples:
1. I went to a concert and saw one of my all time favourite bands. They were absolutely INCREDIBLE, and I had a great night. However, even though I had a great night and everything was perfect, I had this energy in my brain that stopped me from being able to relax. I tried anchoring my thoughts to stay present, breathing etc. but I realise now that I was present, and I wasn't anxious, so this didn't really work. This meant I wasn't really able to have fun to a full extent, like I did, but couldn't relax? It's hard to explain.
2. My passion is music. Whenever I make music, I enjoy it, but this 'agitation' stops me from having fun. Like, I enjoy it, and I can feel myself enjoying it but I can't have fun, because the other half of me is feeling like this.
Sometimes there's thoughts attached to this energy in my brain, for example at the concert I was worried about the fact that I messed up a few lyrics, I know how silly that is and it didn't even bother me, but it was something that my brain could attach itself to to ruminate. Other times though, there's no thoughts attached, also like the concert where I used my strategies to work through that worry, but the feeling was still there, also when I'm making music I feel it even without thinking something.
It's like my brain NEEDS to churn over something. It needs to take relaxation away, meaning everything I love is rendered not very fun, even if it's something I'm enjoying. It's so hard to explain, like there's this feeling on one side and enjoyment on the other. It's like there's energy inside my brain, not anxiety because I don't feel it physically. UGH I can't explain it.
I feel like I'm running out of hope. I can't take this anymore and I just want to relax and have fun without this torment. I've tried mindfulness which has helped to calm anxiety and keep me present, I've tried breathing which has done the same, I've tried exposure therapy which has made OCD lose it's effect a bit, but whatever this is can't seem to be beaten. It's not that I'm anxious, it's not that I'm not present. Maybe it's that I'm on high alert? Under pressure? My brain feels like it's on overdrive and it won't stop.
I guess the best way to describe it is my brain feels uncomfortable all of the time.
Pressures from school feed it too, I get a similar feeling from that where I want to relax but I'm worried about what I need to do. That's not the only cause like I said, it's just something else I thought I should mention. Like all Sunday I'm frustrated and thinking about how I need to go to school the next day. I know that sounds like anxiety and probably is though. I think it's just another thing that my brain attaches itself to like I was saying earlier. It's like it wants to think about something so that I can't relax.
Sorry if this doesn't make sense. Please comment if you have anything that should be clarified.
Can anyone give me some insight on what I'm experiencing, or does anyone relate and can maybe help me to articulate it better? I'm seeing a psychologist regularly but it's more focused on anxiety and ADHD.
Thanks in advance.
| 2 |
Why does everyone I try to be close to leave?
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Whether it’s family, friends, promising acquaintances, romantic relationships, etc. Everyone leaves so quickly. I try to be a kind and nice person, understanding, patient, but no one ever stays around me or tries to keep in touch. I message them or try to call and get nothing back. Only a very select few family members have stuck around in any length. I don’t have any non-family friends or any romances who are still around. I feel alone and don’t know what to do about any of it. I see people in groups with friends or out on a date, laughing and happy. I can’t help but feel envy.
Edit: I feel like I’m being ostracized or something
| 1 |
Anxiety/Fear of Bad Bosses
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I’m a good worker. I’ve won awards and people seem to like me ok. 5 years ago my boss fired me and I was blindsided. My favorite job ever, this boss had invested so much into me, my first career job and I was good at my work. He wanted to try someone else for my position. I cared very much for this boss of mine and I had such a strong respect for him. It tore me to shreds. I’ve had horrible bosses since this job and they scare me, I fear them and end up ghosting them with no 2-week notice. Panic arrives full force when I wake up each morning and I begin telling myself that “I hate my life. I hate my job.” I’ve got a new job starting soon, a good one. How do I overcome and gain back confidence?
| 3 |
Anyone feel frozen? I’m unable to feel much of anything and it’s starting to destroy me.
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I feel lost. I’ve had issues in the past with feeling shut down like this - much of it in response to a long, bad marriage. But I’ve been out for 7 years now. I dated and then married last year a really great man who loves me deeply. But I’m starting to feel like I’m going to destroy it all. I feel almost nothing. Mild amusement or annoyance, that kind of thing. My kids are going through stuff, I’m struggling with work, gaining weight like crazy and finding it hard to care about anything. I’m disgusted by how I look but don’t do anything about it. I feel like people look at me and wonder what happened. I’m just numb. I know I need counseling but am terrified - last time I was like this I went and after a few months, had a bit of a breakthrough and was an emotional wreck. So many extremes. I’m afraid of that, too. I want to feel things again. I do. But I’m scared of feeling too much.
| 2 |
Don't know what I can do.
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So straight to the point: I'm a 19 year-old guy who fights anxiety and depression since my early 13's and now I'm at my worst.
I have really never felt so bad like this. I am currently liveing under the thoughts of attempting su1cid3 all the time, pretty much everyday (including this moment, I'm trying to distract and share by typing this).
The thing is, I've tried many psychologists and psychiatrics during all this period, but all the available ones didn't satisfacted me, and I don't have that much hope on therapy and medication anymore.
I'm still trying to do something basically because of the fear of dying itself, and cuz of my family, specially my mim who's been trying hard on taking me out of this situation, but até this point we both don't know what to do anymore, and I'm giving up, and it's the worst feeling in the world...
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In short, I am lost. Should I see a therapist. Any advice is welcome.
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I am currently 24 years old. I am holding a good, quite high paying job. A good supporting family, friends. On paper, my life should be good. Even I feel like my problems aren't really that big of a deal or I am just being over dramatic.
But last 1/1.5 year I am just kinda lost motivation for everything. I stopped going out much. I broke up with my girlfriend of 2 years with some lame excuses. I am pushing my friends and family away. Just spending my weekends watching Netflix. I guess I am an ambivert ? I like partying. But I like sitting by myself just as much, playing video games, watching movies etc. Few months back I went for a regular health check up and turns out I am well on my way to have liver fat, cholesterol basically all those trashy health situations you get from drinking too much and eating junk food always.
But I am starting to think may be I'm using this as an excuse to isolate myself more and more. The more I do this the more I am ashamed and the more I hate myself.
I feel like I should be doing so much more. I feel like I am letting everyone down. I was thinking about going back to college to get my master's degree but I don't even feel like doing that anymore. I even make excuses to office and do work from home to avoid people sometimes. I don't really know why I am doing these.
Next weekend is my 25th birthday. But I just told my friends I am going home and told my family I can't go back home due to work. The plan was to chill and stay at home doing f-ing nothing. But today this just struck me. What the hell am I doing. After a deep self reflection today I realized I need to stop going downhill any further.
Does everyone feel that way at some point ? Is this just a phase that'll go away ? Is this supposed to be normal ?
Should I try a therapist?
| 5 |
I still feel like it's my fault for my childhood experiences.
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I'm currently in the 9th Grade, ( yes I know, still a child. I meant younger child in the title, sorry ). I've been questioning this my whole life so I'll just tell you the backstory to begin.
From what I can remember, I lived with my mother, then my father and stepmother had gotten custody of me. The youngest memory I have is me watching TV in my mother's room. I'm going to mention that this is all when I lived with my mother. I know I always had toys and such, but I had this old analog TV that used VHS. ( It was 2013 ). I'm not saying that's bad, but I don't remember me ever having snacks, or even remembering eating whenever I was younger. I think it's most likely my fault for my memory, but I don't know. I remember my mother would go into her room and close the door, staying in there for prolonged periods of time while I wouldn't really think about it. In retrospect, she was most likely doing drugs. I don't mean this in a bad way like I hate her, it's the the best thing I could come up with. Sometimes I wonder if I weren't born, maybe she wouldn't have done drugs. Most of the things I remember are moving around apartments and people I never knew just waltzing in. I never cared, mostly because I don't like assuming things. In school, I was, and still kind've am, the 'weird' kid. I didn't have many friends, but the people I did make friends with were people I cherished and trusted. One of them is someone I'll name Keith ( No offense to Keith's), and safe to say, he managed to get me to bully people. He got me to push around other people and make fun of them whilst telling me "That's how people joke." And "Stop being so serious.". I always felt bad but thought that's how friends are.
I blame myself for believing him and I blame myself for bullying those kids. And I blame myself for the sadness I felt when he eventually said you're not my friend and walked away during recess. I also blame myself for not trying to fix the relationship with those other kids. And yes I know it's the fourth grade, but I still should've taken responsibility.
Back to my mother. It was proven, undeniably, that she did drugs. I can't disprove this as she always smoked, and the little like 5 year old me told her to stop because "You won't get gray hairs if you keep smoking." I still blame myself for not getting her to stop. We lived in this apartment complex, one of those they build just because, y'know? I was and still am, shy, and now I know I have social anxiety. I didn't have friends, but I had a few. One of them I'll call Matt. I would go to his apartment and play Halo and he introduced me to Naruto. We were inseparable, and I have very fond memories of him. Then I moved. I feel horrible for not saying goodbye to him, and I still blame myself for being born, because maybe if I wasn't, my mother wouldn't have to spend money and live in a apartment and wouldn't have to move.
Skipping a couple of years, I was taken into custody by my father and my soon-to-be stepmother. I had heard my mother and father arguing on the phone, and I still feel horrible because I knew I was the reason they were arguing, and I'm sorry for that.
I blame myself for making my parents argue. I blame myself for my mother's drug addiction. I blame myself for my father smoking. I blame myself for being born.
Sorry for this long story. Have a good day.
Also sorry for having no proper ending.
| 4 |
Boyfriend experiencing depression and it's affecting our relationship
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I have been dating my boyfriend for about eight months now and up until fairly recently I would say we have a healthy relationship. He expressed to me a few months in the he's experienced depression before and was diagnosed with it in middle school. However he was not experiencing any depressive episodes when we first met or throughout the majority of our relationship so far.
I too have experience with depression and was diagnosed with mild depression and anxiety a few years ago. I spent about two years in cognitive behavioral therapy to improve my mental health. Recently I noticed a change in my boyfriend's mood and how he seemed not really excited about doing things together as much as he used to or going on dates and suspected he was starting to get into a depressive state. He would say things like how he just wishes he could go away somewhere where no one could find him on multiple occasions and just overall seemed a lot less happy.
He's been having a more stressful time recently due to being six months away from graduating university and worrying about the future. Which I suspect may have triggered this. I have been doing my best to support him and listen to his worries and give him advice, but recently I started to feel like when he spoke about the future he wasn't involving me in his plans which honestly triggered anxiety about the relationship for me.
I called him one night and told him about how I was feeling a lot less emotionally supported and that something was off in the relationship and basically felt he wasn't thinking about his future with me. He told me that wasn't his intention but then asked how I felt about our relationship now.I told him I was still happy being with him but felt we had things we need to work on. He admitted he wasn't 100% happy in the relationship right now and was struggling to feel his emotions and attraction and has been for about a month or so. He said he feels his depression has never felt like this before and at times it feels overwhelming and scary. However, he does not feel ready to seek help right now such as therapy and wants to try to handle it by himself.
I of course want to support him during this time and help him however I can but felt like he was pushing me away which he admitted he was. Basically he said he doesn't think we can continue the relationship normally because he would feel like he was pretending if we were to go on dates right now. I've been trying to be as understanding as possible and not take what he's saying too personally as I do want to be in this relationship. We ultimately decided to take a break for two weeks to evaluate our feelings and the relationship. I want to give him the time and space he needs, but worry if by suggesting the break I made the right decision as I didn't want to pressure him too much.
I still want to show him I love and support him as I chose to be in a committed relationship with him, through good and bad. But I'm also aware that he's very stubborn about actually doing anything to address what's happening right now even down to not wanting to do research about depression and how it may be affecting him.
I think I'm just looking for some advice from anyone who's been in a similar situation as this is all very recent and I'm wanting to approach things in the right way and still be there for him, but worry that he may already be emotionally checked out from the relationship as he can't feel his feelings/ feel enjoyment or like he's getting anything from the relationship right now.
| 2 |
i'v been strugling with sleeping since i was 7 years old
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Please, if you have the time go and check my story!
I'm a 15 years old girl and i've been having some issues during the night. I'll go straight to the problem-in periods of time i suddenly wake up in the middle of the night and have in mind that i can't consciously control myself and all of the things i'm doing aren't by my actual choice it's like sitting in the back of my mind watching through prison bars. In the beginning i was doing really unusual things such as crying, trembling, talking non sense, feeling confused, imagining/hallucinating odd things like ice-creams around me and the most scary thing to me was that i always felt that someone or something wanted something from me but i couldn't give it to them since it was too much to ask for and i didn't have enough of it, well that's just how i understand it since it's just a feeling not a real thing. I also sometimes feel like dying. I would go to my parents' room and take my mom with me in my room so she could make me calm down and it worked, i couldn't do it by myself at that time. After years, in 2021 it kind of stopped but just for a year or so, then in 2022 it started again. Everytime i hope it's the last one but after a month or two it happens again. The tiny difference after this period of time in which i haven't woken up and doing strange things is that it's not happening so often, i don't hallucinate and i can tell myself that i'm just sleep walking and i should go to bed without bothering anyone i sort of wake up myself from this awful moment and realize that i'm not in my conscious position. It's like im in a state of being asleep and awake at the same time. Once i tried looking this up on the internet but i only found something called parasomnia which is the closest to what i'm experiencing. This was a short explanation i hope somebody has any ideas if so share them with me and if there are any questions on finding out what's been going on with me i'll be glad to answer them.
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Boyfriend (22M) being cold to me (20F) after attempted overdosing.
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Hi, Recently my depression has gotten really bad, and i attempted to overdose but it failed. I told my bf about it because i feel like he should know, but ever since i told him he's behaving cold to me, notmessaging me and saying he has nothing to say to me. We have been in a relationship for 1 year and 3 months. I'm not sure what to do or say. i was hoping someone could help me understand why my bf has distanced himself from me.
| 3 |
At my worst rn
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I am a 15 yr old boy who's right now in his worst state. 3 months ago i got into a relationship with a girl who was obsessed with me and i could see it in her eyes she loved me , cared for me . So November end she first texted me saying "hi wanna be frnds" i said sure why not . We never talked in school only through chat
Then eventually we started talking in school, and yeah life was good back then then we got into a relationship on new year night, first month went good rlly good, then tbh i have always been the disappointment child , when i was a child my dad said to my mom this is not my child ( me) it hurted me even if i was a child . I am bad at studying i am not smart i am weak mentally physically my diet sucks.my sleeping schedule sucks i only think about what others think of me.. i am tired , few days ago i took a blade and just kept slashing my arm becoz it realeased dopamine to deal with my mental state . I stopped that habit , i never feel like to eat tbh i hate eating idk why, my whole body is shaking my sleeping schedule is shit , i can't even smile , iv become more dull and dull day by day . My girlfriend gradually started caring less about me . Since iv almost chased people's validation these 15 yrs i lost my self, i have no self-respect, dignity, idk what i enjoy anymore
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I'm not sure if I'm experiencing anxiety
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I feel like I'm paranoic and I think that deep down everybody hates me, how can I stop believing that?
I feel people will start talking about me and gossip after I leave the place.
I feel like if somebody's sad or telling me they don't want to talk, I did something wrong or they talked to somebody and found out something bad about me.
I feel like if somebody (anybody) would send me a message right now telling me they are ashamed of me and my actions or that they are sad because of something I did, my heart will start racing and I'll lose control and I'll think about that for the next 2 weeks.
What is wrong with me? I am an extrovert and I love making new friends, but sometimes I get this mood and it's really bad for my mental health. Thanks.
Is this what anxiety feels like?
| 4 |
Overcome guilt due to Erectile dysfunction
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I recently got married and recently git diagnosed with ED because of a tumor on my pituitary glands.
I have a super awesome wife but our sex life is not that great because I have to take something like Viagara to be able to have sex.
I have this constant nagging feeling that I am running the life of my wife who should not have to sign up for a broken person like me as a husband. She deserves the best and I feel bad that I am not able to give her that.
| 1 |
What if i can't take care of myself?
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Like, if I think I'm developmentally delayed in some areas, or that I just don't have the capabilities due to autism or something to take care of myself. Its so hard to explain what I mean, because I'm eloquent and I can do a lot of tasks/am skilled in some ways. Like I can cook very well, and do art and I'm really good at figuring stuff out using tutorials or forums, with technology and stuff like that. But there are basic things I'm missing.
Like I can't drive because I can't focus on that many things at once. People say "You'll get used to it" except that I never do, I just can't. I can't keep up with all the things it takes to keep a household clean and functional, like groceries, cleaning, etc. I can pretty much do two or three chores and if I switch to a different chore I lose one of the other ones. If not for my boyfriend, I'd have clean dishes, because I can do that, and never have clean bedsheets, because if I do the bedsheets I can't do dishes?
And also if I'm alone for too long, like even just a full day, 12 hours without talking to someone, its like I forget how to interact with people. Its something like disassociation, where I just lose that feeling of being a person and I feel empty and then I'm awkward and people don't like being around me anymore until I spend enough time with people, and remember how to be normal again. I also get like. Psychosis. I'm diagnosed with schizophrenia, and with schizotypal personality disorder, and with bipolar with psychotic mania- but all of those from different psychiatrists who saw me for like an hour in my teen years.
So a day alone and then night comes and I'm scared, and I convince myself if I go through the hall something is there waiting to chase me or the noise outside is a killer or that car down the street is going to kidnap me if I walk the dog by. Speaking of the dog, walking him everyday is too much for me. I've never been able to keep a pet of my own. I end up worrying so much and overthinking everything that I convince myself they're dying over normal stuff.
And in a lot of ways, I like... regress emotionally if things get frustrating. Which happens a lot because I'm not stupid, but my brain is busy all day every day, and any little thing going wrong or getting confusing is so frustrating that I can't handle it. If I spill a little coffee over the side of my cup I'll either get mad and leave it there till later, or if other things have gone wrong that day I might slam my cup down or stomp or just start crying.
And outside of times where I'm that frustrated, people would never ever expect me to be like that. It isn't in character for me except for when I'm that frustrated, but its easy to get that way recently because a few years ago some mild, but seemingly lifelong health issues got very very bad, probably due to covid making them worse. And now I'm basically disabled. I'm sick, and every time I cough I almost blackout because I have neurocardiogenic syncope/vasovagal syncope and coughing/laughing is a direct trigger. So everything is exhausting and overwhelming all the time.
I don't know. I realize I have a lot going on, but I can't handle all the appointments and finding rides places and trying new doctors when one I'm seeing gives up or doesn't believe me about something. The only hospital within distance is the worst one in my state and travel isn't really an option for me.
Like the last time I talked to a doctor they had me on meds that made me too nauseous to be helpful, because it helped my symptoms but made me feel sick if I moved at all. And rather than suggest something new he took me off them cold turkey, which made me have withdrawals badly. When I looked it up it turned out you are NOT supposed to suddenly quit those when you've been taking them as long as I'd been. Not looking forward to going back to him, but there isn't another specialist unless I can get a ride an hour or more away, and I can't.
I just wonder, what am I supposed to do? Is there ONE place, or ONE person I can talk to who can handle this stuff for me, or help me with it, or figure out what I need or where I can get support or something? I'm almost 30 and I really cannot stand being so dependent on people in my life anymore. Friends and family. Everybody has their own stuff, they can't always help me but I always need help? Idk. Just looking for advice or something. US, South Carolina.
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I dont know where to start….
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Hi literally just joined. So first off i know i need a therapist. But also i dont know where to start. Sorry if this makes me sound certifiable or anything but its just so much so fast and i dont know how to handle it. So i guess ill start with so im working on remodelling this house for my partners mom. Its 2 hours from where i live. We decided fo winter there to make the best use of the time and to avoid driving. Well i had to go back to my place for a day or two. I come back to find he had taken the parents muscle relaxers, adderol hes prescribed, and damn near every other medicine he could find in an attempt to end his life. After the ER and a visit to the psych ward hes in treatment now and im supposed to live in his apartment for the foreseeable future( my roomate took over payments at my old place there but thats another story). Anyways since then ive had to use my tax return to keep up on rent snd the rest of bills but after that since i was remodeling the house since October, i have no other job and now im falling behind there too. I cant afford a therapist and im just looking for to vent I guess or get some random strangers on the internet to tell me its going to be alright…..im breaking
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I have thanthophobia due to this i am unable to sleep my heart start to ache if i didn't sleep some days there is no one to support me emotionally financially still i am student what should I do?
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Project Shakti
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My parents, who emigrated from India to the United States, both worked as farmers to provide me with a brighter future and opportunities they never had. However, they were disappointed to learn of the various challenges I have encountered, despite their best efforts. As a bisexual individual coping with mental illness, I found myself feeling isolated, as my family’s conservative beliefs and immigrant work ethic did not lend themselves to discussing these topics openly. I yearned for the day when I could fearlessly introduce myself as “Ria Patel”, embracing all facets of my identity without the fear of judgement or rejection. But my fears proved unfounded when my parents embraced me with open arms and encouraged me to seek help for my mental illlness, recognizing that living in America could offer hope and the promise of a better future. Thus, I sought out treatment and learned that I was suffering from Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Depression-diagnoses that both confirmed and alleviated my struggles. Receiving my diagnosis brought me to tears, not from sadness, but from validation. The Indian community had made me feel like my mental health struggles were a form of madness, but the diagnosis showed that I had a treatable condition. With renewed purpose, I sought help through therapy and medication, which helped me reclaim my well-being. Yet the question always remained, why am I the only Indian that grappled with these challenges? But I wasn’t the only one. I was one of the few willing to openly discuss the topic. To address this lack of dialogue and raise awareness in South Asian communities, I founded a non-profit organization called Project Shakti. Project Shakti aims to combat the stigma surrounding mental health in South Asian cultures, which stems from a lack of knowledge and understanding about mental illness. Many people in these cultures may not recognize warning signs or may be hesitant to seek help due to misconceptions about mental health being a sign of weakness or shame. As part of Project Shakti's mission to promote engaging mental health education, I established a Redbubble account offering merchandise that promotes awareness of mental illness and a donation page supporting the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. Our organization's blog offers multiple perspectives on mental health to combat isolation, while the PS Story podcast shares a teenager's unique perspective on coping with mental illness. Additionally, we are launching a children's book that emphasizes the importance of accepting mental illness at any age. Project Shakti's message of embracing individuality and acceptance deeply resonates with my experiences of navigating the challenges of being diagnosed. I hope to contribute to a community that empowers individuals to celebrate diversity and embrace their unique identities. Because that to me is embracing the American dream.
Here is the link to the website: [https://projectshakti.org/](https://projectshakti.org/)
FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM [https://instagram.com/projshakti?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=](https://instagram.com/projshakti?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=)
| 2 |
When is a good time to wear shorts? TW: SH, MENTIONS OF SI
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I know the title sounds weird so I’ll get straight into it. I’ve had depression for a long time, and my SI stated in (1) grade (don’t ask me why, because I don’t know). It was mostly passive for many years until (2) grade. I have struggled with SH ever since the summer before (2) grade started. I am currently in (2) grade and am not SH’ing as much as I used to if not ever, and not in the way I used to. My mom put me in therapy and thankfully did not send me to a psych ward because she knew it would be worse for me. I’m on antidepressants now, but I will switch meds soon. I also might start seeing a psychiatrist. Anyways, the majority of my SH scars on on my legs. When summer comes, I most likely will want to wear shorts. But I don’t know when is a good time to start wearing shorts in public again?
I am in a minority group (LGBTQIA+), specifically lesbian, non-binary, and on the asexual spectrum. I feel that *might* be important to add.
| 7 |
After 7 years I can’t move on
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7 years ago my husband and I separated due to lots of conflict. During the time, I rant into a guy I had fancied since my 20s, and became SMITTEN. He was on a break from a relationship, and we embarked into a hot and heavy sexual relationship. His life seemed everything I ever wanted and I quickly became obsessed. The sex was the best I ever had, he was so gorgeous, had lots of friends, a super successful acting career, etc. it was like a drug. Secretly I wanted it to be the real thing. But I knew he wanted to be back with his girlfriend. They eventually got back together, and although he tried seeing me even after I said no. I got back with my husband. We never saw each other again. But even 7 years later I can’t help obsessing over them, every day all day. It’s like a broken record that makes me constantly compare my life to theirs. My husband and and I still fight all the time, he let himself go, we have a dead bedroom, and he never expressed love for me even in the good times ( he can be very generous but he never says anything to make me feel loved) On contrast, this other couple seems to have it all. They constantly profess their love on social media, he is now famous, she is a model with a natural beauty company, he is beloved by thousands and according to their instagram comments trying for a baby. I feel so pathetic constantly thinking about them and how perfect their life is. And even more using a finsta to look at their social media daily hoping they will break up or at least a crack will show on the seemingly perfect facade. How do I stop obsessing?
| 2 |
I need a safe space to tell this
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Warning, it's a long post...
Hi, I am 36 years old and I dont know exactly what I am going thru right now but I can say it's depression. I am facing with problems that i feel never ending and everyday I am trying to deal with them in the best possible way I can think of.
Well let me just give u a glimpse of me, as I said I am 36 years old, live alone, never married, never had kids, single, orphan, no siblings, no family whatsoever, haven't found any job and extremely broke.
I used to stay outside my country for 7 years and last year I decided to moved back to my country tho I know that I dont have a house nor family/parents.
Even before I moved, I tried to find a job and I never have the luck to be recruited. Lack of work experience, age, physical appearance or education background are always the reason why I dont get hired. I even try to apply as a maid and still I couldn't get any of the job.
So i try my luck by selling crochet items that I make and it didnt really move, sometimes I dont even sell anything, sometimes only 1 items per month.
First few months I paid my bills and rent with the savings i had but it ran out and for the last couple months I sold anything that I had, asking for loan from my friends to buy foods and honestly that's the worst feelings I could have, to beg to people is something i hate but i dont have choice.
Some help but some just talk shit about me behind my back that they thought i didnt know but i knew. They said I am the one whose lazy and dont wanna try and always begging or borrowing money or always asking for help. while they dont even know that it's always a battle in my head everytime i want to ask something to someone, even to my best friend. I will always think about it thousand of times before i ask for help.
I feel like ever since i came back to my country the depression i have is getting worst rather than when i was abroad. I always feel lonely and suicidal thoughts always comes to me oftentimes.
A small thing can trigger everything and I will start to deteriorating and then depressed.
A few days ago I went to job interview and I was so excited with the job because i felt it was so me. But unfortunately I didnt get the job because of my physical appearance and also my age. At first I felt like crying but I couldn't cry, till the next day when I was chatting with my friend and told him how useless i feel. I even called myself a stupid old lump that is so useless and always burdening people. And God bless his heart, he tried his best to help me and support me and cheer me up.
I decided to went out for a fresh air and i was okay for a while but when I went back to my rent, I got the confusing feeling again. Like I know i feel sad and disappointed and disgrace and angry but i laughed and then cry and laughed again.
For couple of days now, I have been having sleep disturbance which I couldn't sleep and everytime i try to sleep I would be awake in a very disturbing way that felt like my heart is about to jump out of my chest and felt like dying.
Right now as I am writing, I feel numb but confuse and sad and angry and feel stupid and just wanna close off myself from everything and everyone and honestly I feel like I just wanna sleep and never wake up.
Dont tell me to go to the psychiatrist coz i cant afford it, and no i dont have any free health insurance or whatsoever its called. And i cant tell my friends coz they've heard me sharing about this few times back and i have a feeling that they had enough with me. So honestly i dont know what i am doing here in reddit but i guess i just need a safe space to talk this all out.
I don't really expect anyone would go this far to read this but if u do, thank u so much. I really truly appreciate it
| 2 |
Is it possible my self-loathing and low self-esteem stem from unconcious narcissism, even when there's no self-love or confidence to compensate it?
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I'm sorry if this subreddit is less for diagnosing problems and more for actually helping them, I just didn't find any more specific subreddit my post could actually be appropriate for. I'd appreciate it if you read into it and told me what you think regardless though, if you're interested.
I'm not a person that thinks too greatly of themselves, anymore, in fact, I am very self-critical and resentful for seemingly simple anecdotes in the past as well as actual actual wrongdoings and I don't think I've got enough redeeming qualities to make up for it either, I've even been suicidal because of it at certain points in my life. However the non-existent confidence part hasn't always been the case, but that's the complicated part of the story, so if you want my main points as briefly as I could logically string them together, skip to the TL;DR now and if you want a full description and explanation of all of it, please allow me to elaborate, lengthily (warning: actual life story):
​
I never grew up as a confident or particularly self-valuing kid, I had a mostly absent father who is a narcissistic high-achiever because he fled to my country and worked his way up to graduating high school here and eventually becoming a doctor. I myself on the other hand was kind of a slow learner at first, at least in terms integrating into society properly and participating actively where I was expected to, like elementary school. I would draw circles on my homework in the first grade instead of actually doing it and was just generally uninterested in doing what I was supposed to, partly because neither my parents nor the kindergarten I was at had prepared me at all. This, possibly among with other things, even lead to my first grade teacher at that school telling my mom he'd assume I'm likely mentally disabled, which she naturally denied and took offense to, but still didn't give me particularly strong confidence boost either. After that things got a lil better as I switched elementary schools and basically started doing fine there (no it wasn't a special ed school).
​
But life overall may have even gotten a bit worse at that point because my mom also started to be absent but periodically, because of her bipolar, leaving no other option than to put me in a (very nice) foster family for my second year of school. That was also the year I started getting the hang of things and my school work a bit better, likely because I was at a family that could actually consistently be there for me at least for the time being. However my mom's illness unfortunately couldn't always be circumvented that way and so, periodically, I would also get caught up in the crossfire of her manic episodes which were not easy to deal with as a kid, happening to my mother. Other times, I would either live with my grandma or my mom would be fine, but both scenarios also weren't really as good environments to help me grow as my foster family had been, so my studies and motivation to study took a dip again. That lasted about until I turned 13 and had to be put back with my grandparents bc of another outburst my mom started to have.
​
My grandma's place was fortunately always a much more well off and therefore somewhat more comfortable place to live, although I prefered living with my mom whenever possible. In any case, having a nicer place to live and knowing I could stay there longer now if I wanted to calmed me down and that may have been what allowed me to do a bit better at school again. I even performed very well in subjects like German (native language) and especially English which I seemed to be one of the quicker learners of out of the class, giving me maybe the first decent sense of cofidence for my abilities I ever got. However, a lot of the other personal qualities others seemed to have developed rather easily, like social confidence, social engagement or engagement of any kind or a willingness to learn basic knowledge related things like what the states in my country were etc. were still just a bit lacking for me in comparison with some of my peers which wouldn't change for a couple years and kept my self-confidence as low as you'd expect it to be in my situation.
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Not until, eventually, I turned 16, started going out and became socially integrated with the people I'd previously shy away from. It was then that I got a sudden urge to finally turn things around and catch up on the basic personal qualities and competencies I had still been lacking as best as I could, which then lead to me finally proving to myself I was capable of the same as the people around me as well as correcting all my deficits I had at school. In fact, I seemed to learn all the stuff I had been lacking so fast that I started becoming interested in delving into the deeper understandings and structures of it and even in learning about more complex scientific topics in general, and concerning my other shortcomings, I started talking to girls and eventually managing to date one. Eventually, I'd get such a boost in confidence and self-esteem I started to think quite a bit of myself and my potential, both in terms of intelligence and attractiveness, but all the while I still had my past shortcomings as well as labels from people as a result of it in the back of my mind. I think this created a cycle of trying to one-up myself all the time and turned me into a perfectionist.
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Here's where my potential hints at narcissism really started to emerge from the trenches: I started wanting to be better than a lot of people and at least as good as those whom I saw as the most respectable and whenever I'd show the slightest hint at failing at that, I would start to become very anxious, insecure and self-judgmental, more so than before. I became insecure about very specific parts of my face and my height. The insecurities have somewhat improved but only because I eventually found that I was at least at a minimum requirement level with all the traits I had been insecure of and those minimum requirements may not be as generous as they seem, and if I became any shorter or uglier it would genuinely devastate me.
​
I generally wouldn't consider myself an unempathetic, uncaring or inconsiderate person. For example, since my ex abandoned me as a friend in retrospect long after we had already broken up, because of something I had done to her in the relationship, I've certainly felt a huge amount of remorse over it that was initially almost too much bear and hard to finally learn to deal with simply because I care about the person that much and hate myself for having done what I did. But obviously that's in a way also a response to a previous act of selfishness, even if I never realized it was selfish to begin with until she brought it up. I also occasionally struggle to have full understanding for people's issues in life and tend to debate them with them.
​
The most compelling part of all however, is that I recently found out about how narcisissm even really developes in the first place. How it's often a coping mechanism after a hard childhood. And while I sincerely don't think I have or would ever let my frustration about how bad my life was growing up out on others, the coping to make up for past shortcomings part really seems to stick with me.
​
So, if you've read everything until now, first of all thank you for your commendable patience and focus, and second of all: What do you think? Judging by my upbringing and personality thus far, could I be some kind of self-loathing narcissist? If not, could it be something else? Thanks in advance for any replies.
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TL;DR:
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I had a difficult childhood growing up, often moving between my mom and other official guardians because of difficulties in my family. This made it hard for me to adapt to school life and my social circles in it, because nobody had the opportunity to teach me anything about it before I got thrown into it. It was also because I was always a bit inattentive in general. Years of low confidence and self-esteem later I eventually realized I wasn't incompetent or unattractive after all and finally became confident in myself for the first time. The confidence was then threatened again pretty soon when I started to generally doubt myself because of my poor past, making me become a perfectionist to try and satisfy my expectations of myself. I now get very anxious and insecure about myself if I don't fulfill some pretty high minimum standards for attractiveness and intelligence, ranging from arguably important to superficial. I personally wouldn't say I'm unempathetic or unsympathetic, but I have been described as the type to want to solve problems rather than listening to them. Also, my problematic and inconfident past plays a role in my high expectations of myself which I've heard is a sign of narcissism. So, could I have it and not know it?
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sry the Too Long, Didn't Read, also may be too long, I'm no good at doing bullet points.
| 1 |
And people ask why I cant stop overthinking :) Thanks life
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Me and my Ex came together in december 2021. after that, we were in an online relationship for around a bit more than a year. We met every holiday and sometimes over the weekend. Everything was perfect. Until she went on a new school. There were ofc new people and stuff everything was fine at first. but then she met another guy. Well over time she did more and more stuff with him. Then the end of last year. We met at her home and celebrated new years eve. Everything was perfect. Before we were struggling a bit but after we saw each other in person again everything was perfect again. We had the most beautiful new years eve toghether that we have ever had. I can still remember every moment. Then, after I went home, she did more stuff with that guy again. Because Im an overthinker I ofc was anxious and everything but she told me everything would be fine and they would only go to the city together. When she then told me she was coming home and i was about to call her she told me she would go over to his house. I started overthinking even more. (just as a info on the way, i have trust issues from other things that happend in my life before. I usually really trusted her but i dont know something was off about them. She usually always answered me directly whenever I wrote her. But when she was with him she took years and then always excused it with stuff like. "yeah we were playing chess rn" or "we are talking" and then stuff like "he never uses his phone so i dont want to be rude". Then 2 days later after school she tells me she would go home to learn with him. She then ends up staying the whole day at his house. Not just a few hours but the whole day until around 9 in the evening. After her parents picked her up I keept overthinking and tried to login on her discord to see what she was writing with that guy. But she had 2FA and found out. She got really mad at me asif she had something to hide so i ofc got even more suspicious. We called and she shouted at me than hung up and we didnt talk for the rest of the day. The day after she tells me that it wont work anymore and she would break up. I was broken. Literally. I didnt go to school for multiple days. After a month we started writing again. When it was going better between us she told me she still had feelings for me but didnt want to come back yet. That was around the 10th of January 2023. Then, after we agreed on spending Valentines day together. I built up hopes again. But then, on valentines day. We talked and played games for 2 hours, when we were together we could play the whole day whitout it getting boring. But then she gets a message from that guy. Lets call him Mark. (thats not his real name) well Mark told her that he just got Ditched by his valentines date. So, to comfort him, she went over to him and yeah slept over at his house even tho she promised to give the day to me. Well a few days later. We had a a bit deeper talk and she told me, that after we broke up she apparently had it with mark. I was devastated. She told me tho, that she didnt broke up because of him. A few weeks later we get closer and closer again. I somehow forgave her and started trusting her more and more again. I just loved her so much. I still do but to that later. After getting really close around last week. We were as good as together again. We talked almost every day and told I love you to each other and everything. She still said tho she didnt want to be back yet. she wasnt ready. Well. A few days ago she then confesses something that would I assume end it for the the majority of people. She told me, that she actually cheated on me with him when we were still together. (the day they went to the city and then to his home afterwards.) In the beginning worlds broke down for me, but in the end I kinda felt like i trusted her more then before again because she actually told me instead of me finding it out. It hurt. a lot, but it made me feel more secure. Over the last days it really felt like we were in a relationship again. Until yesterday when mark slept over at her place. Ofc I felt insecure, who wouldnt. but i tried to live with it and not destroy everything to much. anyway it felt like everything was getting worse again. when he went home we played some games online and then she went "to watch a movie with her family" only for me to see her be online with in a game 30 min later. I wrote her on Discord like, are you still with your parents ? she was in offline mode and didnt answer. After i wrote some more messages i then called her. and suddenly she went in online mode and answered that she is in a ranked game and discord was closed. Then, when I asked her if she wasnt talking to anyone then she just said yes. She claimed she was alone. But after checking her match history i found out she lied to me. She was playing wiiiith ... ?!?!?!??!?!?!? exactly. she was playing with mark, went in offline mode and told me one lie after another. that was the point where I just couldnt do it anymore. I gave her a lot of trust again. Only for her to stomp on it. AGAIN. I then confronted her with it. And all that came as a reply was. "i know" and "i dont even know what to say". I thought she changed but she didnt. Not at all. I just feel like I cant trust anyone on this whole fucking world. Whereever I go I just get lied to.
| 2 |
Ren - Hi Ren
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Anyone else ever feel like this? This video made me cry, sad and hopeful, all at the same time.
| 2 |
How to help brother with short temper?
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My brother, a highschool athlete, has always had a short temper and has had a problem with being "too passionate" about his sport for a while now. Recently his fits of rage have became much more intense and overreactive. A few times he has even broke down and talked about how he's never going to be good enough. Often in practices he kicks and throws things when he gets angry at himself for making a mistake. When he returns from a bad practice or game he doesn't talk to anyone and gets pretty aggressive with anyone who tries to approach him. I can't give one specific reason for this behavior, but it is notable that our dad has often put a lot of pressure on him as an athlete and more often than not highlights his mistakes rather than successes after games and such. He is entering early adolescence as a freshman so I think that might have to do with his behavior, but I can't say for sure. I myself used to play competitively as well and have tried to help him out a few times but I don't really know how to approach the situation. Can anyone who has delt with a similar situation tell me how they approached it and what what I can do to help him out? If you have any further questions about the situation feel free to ask.
| 1 |
Anxiety/Panic attacks TW Extremely dark thoughts
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Hi. I'm Ezra ((he/they). I've been dealing with some new physical health issues because of the disease I was born with; they started almost 2 months ago. I barely sleep anymore, and when I do manage to fall asleep I wake up multiple panic attacks. I haven't been able to find a therapist because of the insurance I have, and I don't know what to do anymore. I have so much anxiety and suicidal thoughts and I don't know how much longer I can handle feeling like this; I just want it all to end
| 1 |
I made a silly mistake at work and now I feel the colleague at work will always assume first that I'm stupid
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I am web applications developer leading a project. I didn't understand/partially understood a software feature, and sent an email communication to a colleague. The colleague replied with a details, correcting me, with the same documentation I had read earlier but failed to see the details.
Now I feel bad that they will assume I am stupid first, before giving my future ideas and opinions any thoughts.
I worry that my opinions will not carry weightage in future discussions.
These concerns are making me indirectly to seek their validation, that is I feel I should prove myself in their eyes that I'm a skilled person.
I am making a lot of opinions about myself from this situation as well, that I am inferior, that I am insecure about my skills and experience etc.
As I'm writing this, I feel I am ranting as well.
Can someone point me to what I should do?
| 1 |
Am I crazy?
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So I feel like in certain situations I would actually be able to kill someone. For example, I always fantasize about killing my rapist. And I probably would if I wouldn’t get arrested and ruin my life. I think about it a lot. What’s wrong with me? And when I was in a relationship with him I was very controlling and would imagine violently murdering any girl who touched him. I’m confused. Please help.
| 1 |
Noticed i get lowkey suicidal after i get 'intimate' with someone. How to fix this?
| null | 2 |
So I think I had an anxiety attack in class?
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TW for self harm, mentioned.
​
I don't know what happened to me, but I was taking an exam for a language class. I was doing the work, and I had to answer the questions in said language. I felt like I had the answers, but I couldn't process them. I felt all weird. I kinda remember gasping a little? And I was trying to snap out of it, so I started digging the pencil into my hand but that didn't work either. I couldn't think. I spent like a good forty minutes just…off. I kept trying to scratch at myself and pull my hair to get back to normal. I couldn't write down the answers, and I was getting more and more stressed because everyone else was finishing. The teacher came over to me to see what was taking me so long, but I couldn't explain, I could barely even speak. She just ended up pointing out what was already wrong on my sheet and leaving. And then five minutes before the class ended I managed to snap out of it some and didi the entire worksheet, I turned it in just as the bell rang. And it took me like a half hour to get fully back to normal, I was all shaky and I felt like I couldn't speak properly. Everything was too loud and too bright.
I have no idea what the frick happened. Recently I've been feeling a bit anxious, maybe that was it?
| 2 |
Is it normal to feel depressed on lamictal?
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I’ve been on lamictal for maybe two months (going on 3) after getting a new diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder and Panic disorder. I still feel really depressed.
| 2 |
I’m Alone and Depressed
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My fiancé left me, my dog died, and I have no true friends who are there for me. I wake up everyday feeling hopeless and alone.
| 1 |
Realizing I am Still Messed Up By Witnessing My Girlfriend Die.
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So, I was an active alcoholic for 15 years (been sober now for 8 months, and had bouts of sobriety previously). And I have had two adult relationships (the one withy wife, which I have been in for 10 + years now) and previously with my girlfriend from college. There were bitter fights in both relationships and the consistent drinking problem.
Now I am rediscovering the source.
I witnessed my high school girlfriend die in 2002, on the 29th of April. She fell off a cliff while we were on a hike. We were both 16. I repressed all of my emotions surrounding her death soon after she died.
I have been processing my feelings and grief for a few days now. Even though I didn't drink till I was 21, many years later, by then I was a master at repressing my feelings and feeling number.
I think that the womanizing and drinking relate directly to this event.
I'm processing my feelings
| 3 |
a friendship is adding stress but not because of negative things perse`. my own anxieties? desires?
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a friend and i were hanging out a lot, spent a couple weeks toying with dating. became friends. i was put on some anti manic medication when i suddenly had my first bipolar episode of my life... who knew. during this time her and i stopped talking as we just needed space with what both of us were dealing with.
now months later we are friends but its so different. i feel the crazy comfort is gone. she leaned on me for a lot of stuff, we cried together, i hung out at her place till wee hours of the morning. we always texted each other quickly, made time for each other.
now we talk and such but all the super closeness is gone. i find its causing me anxiety or maybe a despair at what i feel we have lost?
a big weight here is she really showed me who i want to be in a relationship. i had quite a few firsts with her emotionally and from a comfort stand point.
the point of this is that im hung up on a friendship that i want to be as it was, when there is a good chance it wont. id like to feel safe and comfortable again with her and it would seem im willing to do just about anything to work towards that. seems extreme for a friendship?
i think this is causing me some anxiety. maybe even destabilizing but its hard to tell what is from this friendship or what is from me still reeling from the mental health stuff. i know when im out with people my anxieties go away, when i talk to her they go away. when im alone they flair up. so... idk, this is all new to me
| 1 |
i feel like i’m not real
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TL;DR I feel like i’m not real, and never trust my emotions or thoughts.
Here’s an example: when I’m happy. I think to myself, “Am I actually happy? Is this real? Am I just ignoring the sadness?” Which usually kills my good mood pretty quickly.
Sometimes this gets really bad, where I don’t even know if situations were real. I’ll convince myself that I don’t really know if my memories are real, that they could be fake or maybe I made them up or they were dreams.
This also affects my daily life a LOT. I usually feel like the room around me isn’t real, or like it’s temporary. A lot of the time I feel like I’m watching my life through a camera.
I also don’t feel real. I have no perception of my body. I don’t even really know what I look like. I never trust my thoughts or feelings. I convince myself that I don’t know what I’m talking about whenever I think of a fact. Whenever I feel a certain way, I feel like it’s probably fake and that I made it up.
I just don’t feel like i’m really here. I don’t know what to do about it. I never feel alive, or present in the moment. I forget everything. I mean I can remember things for school, but when it comes to things that happened with people or how I felt in the moment or what I was thinking or how the experience was, I can just never remember. It’s like my whole existence isn’t real.
I feel like a ghost. Like i’m see through or like I’m not real. Sometimes when I’m overthinking a lot, I wonder if I’m schizophrenic or dead or in a coma and all of this IS fake. I wonder if I DID make it all up. Maybe I have a mental disorder and people pay my friends to talk to me and I’m actually crazy and just can’t tell that they’re being fake. I feel so insane sometimes.
This just gets really hard to live with. What can I do to help myself? Life is almost not worth it when you don’t feel alive.
| 1 |
Noticed a few things about myself lately
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I've been very stressed lately and I feel like I'm just not as happy as I was two months ago. I suspect I have ADHD but lately I've been talking with my brother and realizing that I zone out while listening to him talk and end up asking him to repeat himself almost every time he says something. I feel horrible for it but something about talking to people just doesn't register in my head lately. Also the main thing I've been wondering but I can't seem to change; Lately whenever I eat I seem to take a bite then leave my bowl down for a long time and get distracted by something else or my thoughts. I've experienced a lack of appetite these past two months but this even happens when I'm eating something I enjoy. I take a bite or two then just disregard the bowl until I remember its there, then it repeats and takes me like an hour to get anywhere with my food. My mental health isn't too great at the moment but this is a new habit that isn't something I have ever done.
| 1 |
Is this why I’ve been so depressed and closed off?
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I was thinking why am I living like this? I don’t have a job or go to school. It literally happened when I had the birth control shot which made my anxiety really bad so my ex broke up with me and that really messed with me. I bought a car with my own cash cause I started working at Amazon and decided to leave college for a semester. But then a coworker rap3d me when I was drunk. Then I got fired cause I was temp. But I totaled my car on my way to an interview cause it hydroplaned. My car flipped and I wasn’t wearing a seat belt so I got hurt and then I couldn’t work cause I had a concussion. I did work 3 jobs after that. But it’s been 3 years since that happened back to back and I’m now stuck. I’m not working or going to school. I haven’t worked for more than a year. Just do Uber eats. I feel like a failure but idk what to do. Sometimes I just want to off myself. My childhood sucked too. I wish I could see a therapist but I can’t even make a call. Idek why I made this post. I guess this is my therapy.. maybe others can vent too idk. But thanks for your time of day.
| 1 |
I've been strugling with sleeping since i was 7 years old
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Please, if you have the time go and check my story!
I'm a 15 years old girl and i've been having some issues during the night. I'll go straight to the problem-in periods of time i suddenly wake up in the middle of the night and have in mind that i can't consciously control myself and all of the things i'm doing aren't by my actual choice it's like sitting in the back of my mind watching through prison bars. In the beginning i was doing really unusual things such as crying, trembling, talking non sense, feeling confused, imagining/hallucinating odd things like ice-creams around me and the most scary thing to me was that i always felt that someone or something wanted something from me but i couldn't give it to them since it was too much to ask for and i didn't have enough of it, well that's just how i understand it since it's just a feeling not a real thing. I also sometimes feel like dying. I would go to my parents' room and take my mom with me in my room so she could make me calm down and it worked, i couldn't do it by myself at that time. After years, in 2021 it kind of stopped but just for a year or so, then in 2022 it started again. Everytime i hope it's the last one but after a month or two it happens again. The tiny difference after this period of time in which i haven't woken up and doing strange things is that it's not happening so often, i don't hallucinate and i can tell myself that i'm just sleep walking and i should go to bed without bothering anyone i sort of wake up myself from this awful moment and realize that i'm not in my conscious position. It's like im in a state of being asleep and awake at the same time. Once i tried looking this up on the internet but i only found something called parasomnia which is the closest to what i'm experiencing.
This was a short explanation i hope somebody has any ideas if so share them with me and if needed any answers to questions which will help in finding out what's been going on with me i would be glad to answer them.
| 1 |
Hyperventilate
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Sometimes, when put in certain situations where I cry, I tend to forget to break and go into almost like a panic state. I start to hyperventilate in a way, I used to smack myself in the head as a kid to make it stop as it would also make hiccups happen. Today, was one of those days, where I started to cry and go into that state. With a close person, who had good intent, follow me and ask me why it was happening. I couldn’t explain in words, I just knew I had to be alone in that moment to recoup and make it so I could talk. I ended up locking myself into a closet to end my crying and found something to fidget with to not focus on not being able to breathe.
No one in this situation is bad. It’s just one of those rare moments now, where I know I can fix and that I have to be secluded to fix.
| 1 |
Should I go to Lakeland?
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So I haven’t exactly reacted out for help but I do have the signs of depression, if I go to the doctor for help I won’t tell them anything. I’ve never liked opening up to people because they could use it against me. I like being alone and barely talking to family members about 3 weeks I did end up SH myself. My mom tells me that if I don’t start being social she will send me there. I feel worse every day I stopped taking my medication that was for my iron because I just don’t feel like doing anything. If I do decide if I should go, are you able to bring a phone to keep in contact with those you love?
| 1 |
In need of friends
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I am 19 and I cleared my class 12th in 2021. After completing the school, very few students (so called friends) contacted me. I was always the first person to message them and I even planned an outing which was very difficult because many of them were not ready initially. For this I created a group also but now only 1 member is present in that group, all others have left the group. Now, I am in second year of my college, but here also I tried to make new friends and have a group also but they never include me in their plans, it might be because I go less to college because of my competitive exam preparation but even when I say them to inform me whenever they go, they don't tell me and upload pictures of their visit and when I ask the reason, they either say I was already planned that's why we didn't invited or it was a sudden plan that's why we didn't ask you.
Now, I just talk to people as a normal and not as a friend. I want to make college memories, go on college trips but these friends always cancels the plans and then make their separate ones. That's why I have now started avoiding them. If you can relate to this situation and have a suggestion then please tell me, I need it very much!
| 5 |
how do i stop assuming patterns? please read im begging
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i know the title isnt very eye-catching. so i hope at least one person can read this. i dont know how to explain it to you, but im a very “pattern-oriented” person. almost all the things i assume, observe, and recognize is because i constantly arrange it into a pattern.
ex: (this person) acts like (this) because (this) and ive recognize (this and this etc)
i understand this (topic) because I’ve recognized (this) and (this) and therefore (this) may happened because of (all of those observations)
the problem with this pattern thing is that it makes me assume my life is a pattern as well.
ex: if i had a bad month last year january, then i’ll likely have it bad again this year.
if i did amazing for last year’s 1st school term but did bad at the 2nd term, then it’ll probably happen again.
if a relationship failed at august last year, then another will bound to fail again this year’s august.
because of this, i start assuming something bad will happen. and i guess thats normal to assume. everyone uses experiences to learn and try to avoid things. the problem is im really trying to just be more positive. these “negative” things wreck me and make me assume something bad will happen and because of my anxiety with that, i end up spiraling and maybe even leading myself back again to that “pattern” that i “assume would happen”.
another is a make myself do certain “things/actions” in order to avoid “an event” i completely assumed in my head and i think that if i dont do it, something bad will happen.
ex: if i dont put my snake ring facing upwards then im going it have a bad day because the last time i didnt i had a bad day.
does anyone get what i mean?
is this normal?
any advice would be amazing.
thank you!
| 10 |
How do you know you’re going through depression?
| null | 1 |
Why
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So, my family and I went to an Irish festival today. There wasn’t anything that I liked to eat so after 2 hours I wanted to leave. My mom said yes, but took the longest time to leave and I saw a cupcake stand and she said I couldn’t have one, but then got a pickle FOR HERSELF. After we left and hour later, I started to ingnor her, and my dad suggested to go to Wendy’s. I said yes and I’ve got It and came home and I was still ignoring her. For whatever reason that set her off so she hit me and took my food saying I paid for everything and wouldn’t let me eat it. I don’t know why because she usualy puts up with my little bit of nagging. I’m in my room crying and still ignoring her. Please help
| 1 |
Is it possible to just have my brain scanned for every mental illness to find out what is wrong with me?
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I want to be able to know what illness i have but i dont want to be interigated by 40 doctors asking me the same questions.
Can i just walk into a doctors office, have my brain scanned, and just be givin a list of what i have or is therapy required?
| 2 |
what is wrong with me?
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hello! thank you for taking the time to read this. i am a 17 year old kid who's desperate for answers. i'll try my best to write it all. i'd appreciate anyones response to my post.
why does it feel like my brain is preventing me from feeling.. happy? i know i'm not in the state of being able to feel happy yet currently because i recently suffered from severe depression. it was from having my first break up and my life from these past few months hasn't been exactly fun. i had lessons to learn but i had trouble breathing from all of those negative thoughts in my head 24/7. but a few weeks ago, i've finally set myself free from that repeating that endless cycle and i've been feeling great and okay. my mind isn't constantly clouded with overthinking-ness anymore and it feels like my soul came back to me. i've found a new home and something that makes me feel safe. my life has been a lot better and i could live my life normally again. although i still do think about it, it doesn't bother me anymore.
but here i am trying to find answers because i feel weird at the moment. i know that i am okay. i know that i don't care anymore. and everytime my brain tries to bring back the past, i could just find distractions and fix it. but, right now, why won't it work? like, i keep distracting myself and forcing myself to be happy and keep convincing myself that i will be fine and i will be happy and i do not care anymore. but why doesn't it feel like it? why does it feel like my brain is preventing me from feeling okay? why does it want me to think about the past and be sad about it once more? why does it keep bringing back the past and keep trying to bother me about it again like it used to? i keep telling to myself, no. you will not go through that shit again. you are better. it doesn't matter anymore. you don't care anymore. you will be okay. but my brain declines that and it keeps making me worry again. why is it making me worry so much? why doesn't it want me to be happy? why does it keep making me think about it when i really don't want to? i don't want to care but why does it keep making me? how do i fix this? i really hope this will pass because i really don't wanna do this all over again. please. please help me.
| 1 |
So lonely
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I feel so lonely, its not that I don't have people in my life it's just I feel so alone except from when I am with people. I got a girlfriend a few months ago because I thought it would help but I didn't really like her so I dumped her and the whole thing made me feel even worse. The friends of the girl I like told me that she likes me but she never messages me back and the girl my friend likes likes me so it just messes up my friendships. It feels like my life is on the verge of falling to pieces. I forgot to do one of my maths tests which was 25% of my grade, I scraped it back and got 100% on the most recent one but I just feel like a failure because I never even tried to get into university all my exams were cancelled and the tests they gave us were easy as shit so it feels like I don't deserve to be here. I was at the club with a girl and then the girl I liked came up to me and then she left and I was just alone and it feels like I never stopped feeling alone since then. I know it sounds so stupid and I know I shouldn't feel sad because I was an idiot and forgot a test and one girl doesn't like me when a lot of others do but I can't help thinking why? Like just asking myself what is wrong with me and it messes me up inside because I start poking at all my other flaws. It's not that I don't have anything good that I am happy about it's just that I feel like it's all on the verge of collapsing, even since last weekend I've lost something that made me happy and it's like this weekend is even worse than last and it's just gonna go on forever. The rational person inside of me knows that it isn't true and a bad week doesn't mean a bad life but my emotions don't listen. It's like I go through periods in life where I am either super happy or super sad and I can't have any consistency. My health is degrading as well. I can never breathe properly and I know that I need to be on a preventative inhaler but I know that when I do start taking it I am accepting that my asthma isn't going to go away like it did for my dad when he was my age.
| 1 |
I'm afraid the scars will never go away
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I've been struggling with self harm for almost three years but I've only recently started hurting myself with tools that leave scars.
I was convinced that the scars would fade eventually but it's been months and they're not doing better.
I'm afraid they'll never go away and I'll find myself into adulthood with my arms covered with marks from my teenage years that will haunt me forever.
| 1 |
Eyes getting locked in unfocused mode??
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You know how sometimes you look at something and you zone out and your eyes unfocus and your vision gets all blurry and whatnot? Well when it happens to me, sometimes my eyes get locked in unfocused mode and I can't gain my vision back, sometimes for up to full on minutes. It usually happens when I watch/see something that has too much information coming in too fast (shapes, transitions, repeating patterns or bright lights, obscure content that has derealization vibes).
I don't know if I should be worried or not, does anyone else have this problem or knows what causes it? It's happening more lately and it's pissing me off a bit
| 1 |
Aesthetic Starvation?
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Hello there!
I have a bit of an... unusual question. I am looking for leads towards literature exploring something akin to "aesthetic starvation". No, not anorexia fueled by vanity. Rather, the mechanisms and consequences behind the lack of man-made aesthetic stimuli. I am really lacking the proper vocabulary to express the situation in a more effective manner, so I would appreciate any terminology that would help me explore this topic.
**Disclaimer, I am not looking for a diagnosis. I already have several, thanks!**
​
I am from Mexico City, now living in Norway. For the first time in my life, I have had to get treatment for depression and anxiety, which hasn't really worked for me. And therapy feels like going in circles. I have noticed, however, that I feel *much* better when I travel out of Norway. I really feel alive in cities like my own: sprawling urban areas with fancy opera houses, grandiose monuments, colorful lights, gigantic museums, imposing libraries, classic temples, fusion restaurants, fancy desserts, experimental fashions, subway systems, etc. My doctor said that it is common knowledge that people feel better when traveling to sunnier places. But I think it goes beyond just the lack of sun.
Many people would think that being surrounded by nature and tranquility is good for your mental health (Norwegian lack of sunlight notwithstanding), but I think I have an actual *need* for artificiality, exaggerated beauty and highly stimulating aesthetics. As in, my body starts shutting down in the absence of it. Conversely, I can feel my pupils dilating and my muscles relaxing when looking at pictures of a metropolitan skyline, a Shinto temple or a baroque palace. I am from a middle class background, so I doubt it's just being a "spoiled rich kid". I also thought I was just being snobbish, but having actually observable physiological reactions as described above make me think there's more to it than mere elitism.
Usually, common wisdom would dictate that those suffering maladjustment are people from small towns moving to the big city. Usually, it is understood that fresh air, nature and quiet are good for your health. But the contrary is just not even considered. Or is it? If so, who considers it? What name has it been given? What is the right search keyword to type?
Googling "aesthetic starvation" brings up results about anorexia. "Big City Boy in Small Town" *sometimes* brings up blogs about depression but no scholarly articles discussing the topic proper. "Urbanophilia" leads to really vacuous journal papers. And there is no such thing as a "double reverse Stendhal Syndrome" where homeostasis is *achieved* in the presence of great beauty. Same goes for "The Medium Place Syndrome".
**tldr; do you know of any documented cases of mental illness being triggered by a lack of man-made aesthetic stimuli? Is there a name for any such thing?**
| 0 |
My Wife has a doomscrolling problem.
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Last year, it got to the point where I told here that if she was going to start a sentence with "I heard on TikTok" or something of that nature that I didn't want to hear it unless she could cite the actual sources behind the post. Now, it's to the point where she'll lay in bed, doom scroll, start tearing up about how the whole world is going to shit and that in 5 years, fascism will take over the country and she wants out. She's concerned that no one including myself is not concerned. To preface all of this, my wife has already been seeing a therapist for depression and anxiety so it's already not a good situation to be consuming this content. I told her today that it's not that I'm not concerned. I know that as an individual, I can vote whichever way I want. I also know that there are billionaires who have great influence and that greed often takes over. I ALSO know that we are part of the masses of lower, lower middle class folks like us that usually pay the price for the greed in the world. HOWEVER, I choose not to consume doomscrolling content. I'm not choosing to be ignorant. I'm choosing to try to live in the present instead of cowering in fear of what may or may not happen in 2 years, 5 years, whatever. I told my wife this and that by falling victim to doom scrolling that she's short changing herself and more importantly our children. I'm getting to my wits end with this and I don't know how to convince her that she needs to stop with the doomscrolling without discounting her concerns. I would love to tell her therapist to tell her to knock it off, but I know that's totally out of line. This is not an "ignorance is bliss" post. I'm educated and aware. I don't need to know every dirty detail of corruption and fascism. I'm mostly concerned that if she doesn't scale back the doom scrolling, she will unravel emotionally and it will have a negative impact on our kids and our marriage. Does anyone have an insight on how I can approach this without offending her or making it seem like I don’t care about her concerns?
| 1 |
I think I have schizophrenia
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Ok so I’ve been hearing voices that are not there, having trouble sleeping due to nightmares and eating due to anxiety( all of this has underlying religious themes as I was raised Christian)
| 3 |
Advice on best kind of treatment for overcoming binge eating and cannabis habit/addiction
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Hey folks, I am looking to pursue some kind of treatment for a binge eating and cannabis problem which I have been dealing with for a long time. I am 28, and have had a terrible relationship with food from as young as I can remember. As young as 6 or 7 I would eat multiple candy bars in a single sitting. I realize now that I always looked for comfort in sugary foods, and my parents unfortunately weren’t really proactive with restricting the amount I could eat.
At this point I try to eat healthy, but whenever I get stressed I will compulsively binge eat sugary snacks to the point of physical discomfort. I also do this at any occasion or event where there is a lot of food.
I have also been a daily cannabis user for around ten years, and find it incredibly hard to stop for any significant amount of time. I definitely use it to nurse my mental health, but it has gotten to the point where the cannabis and eating is starting to really harm my health, particularly my gut and dental health.
I have reached out to the eating recover center based in Chicago, and have been offered to join a virtual outpatient program. The problem is, there will be an expectation that I would not smoke cannabis for the duration of the program. The issue here is that the program will not offer me specialized help for managing the sobriety from weed. Also the fact that it is virtual will mean there is nothing to stop me from smoking which I think would be counterproductive to the treatment.
I am looking for a treatment plan that can cover both my issues with eating and with cannabis. I have undergone a year of cognitive behavioral therapy in the past which was aimed at anxiety, depression, jealousy and insecurity. I found it helpful but my therapist was very green and I felt we became too familiar for me to be as open as I should have been at times.
Other problems I experience include neuroticism, poor anger management, poor impulse control, low self esteem, social anxiety, low motivation, lack of focus, difficulty maintaining friendships, periods of lowered mood, excess guilt and shame and poor organization skills.
I am not hoping for a miracle, but just want to find healthier ways of coping. I strongly believe that making healthier choices for ourselves is one of the keys to a happy life, and want to focus on implementing positive changes to treat myself and others better.
I live in Los Angeles, and am open to all forms of treatment.
TLDR; I am eating and smoking myself to ill health and want help beating my addictions and mood problems.
Thank you!
| 7 |
Everyone in my life is distancing themselves from me because I'm having a hard time. I am alone and ashamed.
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I am ashamed to be alive. A lot of people I know say I am crazy and avoid me; they don't understand me, or even try to. I feel I will never get out from under the unfair reputation I have. I am just a stereotype.
My friends don't make time for me anymore. I spend almost all my time not at work alone. I've been rejected so many times trying to date, I've stopped trying. I can seem to find social outlets in my area to meet new people who I might relate to. My coworkers don't respect me professionally, and make comments about me that don't make me feel good. I have no one in my life I can really relate to or trust. Even my therapist has no idea what to say to me anymore, and is increasingly just afraid I am a liability as a suicide risk. I'm so self conscious and ashamed I've become awkward and withdrawn. I am really starting to think I would be better off dead. I would rather be a corpse than a sad, lonely person that people look down on and avoid.
| 6 |
Can I please talk to someone. I want someone to listen to my issues.
| null | 1 |
Fear of the nocebo effect
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Good to all I am 20 years old ,and I am suffering a huge anxiety for thinking that what I think a lot or I believe can become reality in my case by thinking about a particular disease ,I have investigated and it does not seem crazy to think that this can happen due to the existence of the nocebo effect, the thought that comes is something like, "I have lung cancer" something like that and it is repeated continuously , I know it may sound a bit irrational and I know it but every time this kind of thought comes it causes me a horrible anxiety, I know it would be as easy as changing my beliefs and not believing that this can happen, but what I have investigated says the opposite, I am afraid of getting the disease by thinking it or believing that it can happen to me and I can not control it because they are intrusive thoughts. What can I do, I don't know how to manage this, thank you.
| 1 |
I don't know what to do anymore
| null | 1 |
I keep having dreams about my ex
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Hello, 6 months ago my ex broke up with me and i blocked them everywhere and went full no contact. We ended on good terms but it still hurt like hell because im still in love with them (they fell in love with somebody else). For few last weeks i finally felt like i'm moving on. I didn't really cry about it anymore, i didn't keep on thinking about them all day, but few times a week they still keep showing up in my dreams and it makes my healing process a lot harder:( sometimes it's about them getting back with me, sometimes it's about them saying they miss me, sometimes about us being friends. It really makes me want to text them but i know i really shouldnt. Im just looking for some kind of closure.
I really want to stop thinking about them and start focusing on myself and other different things like my school finals but these dreams keep ruining it for me.
Does anyone have the same experience or any advice why do these keep on coming?:( maybe your breaking up healing tips. It would help a lot
| 1 |
Don’t really want to be conscious
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I smoked (weed) for the last 10 years daily. 10 years ago I was 14, and incredibly depressed. I remember vividly lying in my bed on a Sunday and just staring at my ceiling feeling numb. I attempted to take my life about a week later. I then started smoking weed a couple months after that failed attempt with my school friends and haven’t stopped since until 3 days ago. I know I’m probably having withdrawals but tonight (Saturday) I feel like I’m having deja vu. I’m lying in bed staring at the wall feeling numb. I don’t want to take my own life because sometimes I like being here and I also don’t want to hurt anyone but can’t shake the thought I wish I had never come into existence. This world is a cruel place and I feel like I give and give and get treated like crap in return. All my friends are out on an island tonight at vineyards and as per usual (because I’m the afterthought friend) I wasn’t invited. I don’t really know why I’m posting this I guess I’m just venting but I don’t know what to do with myself. Going to sleep feels pointless, being awake feels pointless, I don’t want to die but I don’t want to be conscious either.
| 2 |
My self-esteem is really low
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I’m losing my self-esteem because my hair is falling I’m 19 going to turn 20 soon. and my brother has nice long hair and he looks way older and better than me. Because of this my self-esteem is super low when I go out I feel people don’t find me attractive and girls just think I’m not attractive , I just feel like a short hair loosing young adult. I’m trying to boost my self-esteem by working out but is not working.
| 2 |
I’ve been making videos
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Making videos has made me realize and value how sad I am. Even the slightest amount gives me a small tiny speck of creativity or value. And despite these videos mainly being just logs documenting my process of mental health , I think it also helps encapsulates a better judgement of which other people can relate to on a certain degree. I’ve been trying to be more I guess open with my emotions per say since I’ve been put on suicide watch and my school counsler wants me to alleviate my pain. Making videos has helped but it also feels unfortunately pathetic. I hope at least to an extent you guys can relate as I’ve had a heavy breakup , but I do make different videos on different prompts/subjects. [https://youtu.be/V0NWRiF0ZZo](https://youtu.be/V0NWRiF0ZZo)
| 1 |
Do you believe someone can be completely sound of mind simultaneously be suicidal? (Discussion)
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The title really speaks for itself. Do you believe someone completely sound of mind be simultaneously suicidal? Perhaps the question in itself is quite unnerving but the question bothers me.
I, personally have been struggling with the urges to my own demise for many years now. Despite various recent mental health appointments, I realise that I’m not mentally unwell. Perhaps there is such thing as overly self aware?
The state of the world we are living in, maybe it’s the media is to blame? I just do not feel able to continue living. I just do not have the desire to work, earn a living to feed myself, wash myself and for what? Death is inevitable for all of us at some point in time. Is it such a bad thing I’d like to fast forward that without the pointless rituals in between? Some may argue that my cynical point of view could be considered proof of depression or is it? If someone who is terminally unwell feels the same way to end their suffering, we wouldn’t dare to call them ‘not sound of mind’. It’s a very interesting discussion to have and perhaps it would benefit me greatly to understand why I feel the way I do.
| 5 |
Is this a normal life? Note I'm 12
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Most problems started in 2020. In March, the start of covid. I was sick (and i don't know the reason why) and my dad came, from the most southern province of the country back to discuss with me. He announced that the divorce i did not know about was gonna happen, and kinda after that day he just left to my step family. That's part one: the divorce.
After a few months when we were all emotionally unstable i went to visit to their house and also sleep there. From 2020-2021 most of those events happened. There are a few key moments. There were moments where my step brother (2 then) and step sister (7), were pretty annoying. I hate them both. At some point in 2021 there was conflict and i got so mad i pointed a knife towards my step mother that i still hate. Since then was i not allowed to there anymore. That's the divorce part.
Now for the school and crush part. So since 2020 I've had a crush on someone (gender unconfirmed) and we were friends, lifelong. Together with my childhood friend, we were the 3 Musketeers. But my crush began to hate on my friend, causing me to have to choose for 1. I chose my crush, not to realize she was already internet dating with people scattered across the world. So i changed my mind and chose my friend. After this change my crush began being extremely toxic and is now my enemy, also causing some bad traumas.
The basic school: i was never a group's child. I'm not bullied, neither accepted. I didn't really have much friends, except 2 till now (IRL). Most others betrayed me.
My mom: i live alone with my mom, and some conflicts made. Maybe this is just puberty, or Asian parenting. But i don't quite believe she really does love love me.
The interneg saga: since fall 2022, I've been playing a lot of hypixel. I met someone (a girl) and she invited me to her SMP. I met a lot of friends and we had fun. Around september the SMP kinda died and nobody really joined anymore. I downloaded discord again, and begon chat with 2 of friends. The girl was really unactive on both discord and minecraft (she's only active at breaks apparently). The other friend was a 16 year old Austrian boy. He was the first internet friend. We were great friends. After that success, i began gaining more internet friends. I decided to recall my old youtube series SMP, and invited him, along with 3 other friends. After that success i opened a discord server for the friends too. More friends were coming. When at a rare moment, i realized i had feelings for the girl that invited me to the SMP (as she really knew me and accepted me, even helping me with my murder habit). Sadly she's still only online around school breaks. At some point at January, one of my internet friends invited a guy named Oz. He played on my creative server along with other friends. At one point he decided to be bad and destroy my steakhouse in game (almost). I banned him from both servers. Others disagreed, so a month later he re-appears. He then tried to grief. So he was banned again. Then a weird glitch happened to the server, and for no reason he was re-invited. A hacker was controlling him (unsure, great chance he lied). We "solved" the hacker, but then some conflict came. I said not so nice things to him, as nuking his country or that the hacker may come back to hack him and his family. The Austrian boy, was really scared out by this and left in neutrality. He thought i was going insane so unfriended me. He said i needed mental health help.
What should i do. I don't think i have a bad life, but that's because i compare it to African starving children. Am i going through depression, puberty or is this normal?
| 1 |
My life is good but i’m still sad and i don’t know why
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I have two parents who are together and in love and treat me incredibly well, i have no toxic friends and have food a roof over my head and have financial stability. so i have no idea why i’m so sad all the time, i guess you could rack it up to just having bad days but i’ve been having bad days for the past two years and i don’t know what to do. i hate myself and the way i look i hate my body and i hurt myself, i am an incredibly anxious person and an anti social one too. I haven’t been traumatized or anything, and i can only think of one instance that might’ve affected me negatively but it’s so minor i don’t even think it can count as a traumatizing experience, i just don’t know why i’m like this and because nothing bad has ever happened to me people won’t take me seriously if i tell them i’m going through this and i don’t know why i’m such a mess and how i can get better. can someone please tell me what’s wrong with me
| 3 |
Is it too much of a burden to tell close friends that you have semi-suicidal thoughts?
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Some real quick context here. I've had some pretty severe anxiety and depression for a while, but very luckily I have a close knit friend group that is very supportive and offers to listen to me rant/vent and tries to help. They've told me numerous times that if I ever feel deep in the trenches that I should reach out to them and talk.
Unfortunately due to various circumstances my mental state has really deteriorated and I've been plagued with thoughts of "wanting to die". It's never been to a point of "wanting to commit suicide" but rather at the level of "I wish someone would hit me with a car".
I recognize that these are pretty severe thoughts and I'm also slightly worried they may further expand in scope. That being said I've never vocalize these thoughts to anyone, but now I feel like I need to tell someone to feel less isolated inside of my thoughts.
That being said I'm worried about telling my friends, not that they won't worry or won't try and help, but because I don't want to burden them with something that, realistically, they cannot help fix. I don't want to become some sort of mental burden for these people that I care about.
Realistically I should contact therapists and psychiatrists but due to my location, and timezone, getting in contact with them is unreliable, and the ones I can get in contact with may be not ideal either.
So is this something I should talk to my friend group about? Or should I instead just hold out for a bit longer and try and find a good mental health support later/when I can?
| 1 |
I’m drowning… and I need help
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Hi I’m 22 (F) and I feel like I’m drowning. I am 7 months pregnant and I’m struggling so hard to want to stay alive. I feel like I’m so worthless and that this baby deserves a better mother than me. My marriage is falling apart it feels as if my bosses and the people at my job are trying to push me out. I have no one other than my husband and I don’t even feel comfortable talking to him because it just feels like I’m complaining. I’ve been trying to not fall of the edge and have been writing in my notes so that how I feel doesn’t just sit in my head but it is no longer working. I need help and I don’t how to go about it. I’ve been to therapist before but it has never really worked for me. I’ve lose interest in everything, I just want to quit my job, divorce my husband and sob all day. I know if I tell a professional how I’m truly feeling then I’ll be committed and have my daughter taken from me forever. I just don’t know what to do….
| 5 |
I think I might have OCD
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I think I might because (I know google isnt %100 accurate you can delete your comment) I have read articles about OCD and my sypmtoms match so similairly. From [https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/obsessive-compulsive-disorder-ocd/symptoms/](https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/obsessive-compulsive-disorder-ocd/symptoms/) 1 "Fear of contamination by disease, infection or an unpleasant substance." For this one when I come home from school I cant exsist or do anything before changing my clothes and washing my hands. 2 "A need for symmetry or orderliness."
* cleaning and hand washing (I do so often like I mentioned before)
* checking – such as checking doors are locked or that the gas is off
* asking for reassurance
* repeating words in their head
* thinking "neutralising" thoughts to counter the obsessive thoughts
This has been heavily bothering me. For example 1 of the worst ways it effects me is everytime I find something I enjoy for example a show I like I feel I need to know %100 percent if the show is good or I am just weird and I watch so many Youtube videos and why it is or why it isnt and I obses over it. I get this weird stress feeling about the new intreset and try to do everything I can to make sure I am right why its good and show my friends and see if they like it too. I would always ask if they like it continually and even if they say its good I still feel panicked that they say might not. This is very difficult for me to describe its just a majoir stress feeling added with an obsession I get shortly after finding this new interest or show or game. On top of that I get extremely anxious daily and I have talked to counselors (not about OCD just anxiety in general) and its more than the average person and this anxious feeling almost never leaves it just gets a bit better at times and I can have a full on panic attack just over this anxiety sometimes I wont even know why, I have heard that increased anxiety is also a sign of OCD but I am not sure. (also sorry for lack of like punctuation and maybe sounding completely incoherent) Talking about the over obsessiveness again it is really starting to wear me down and its becoming increasingly more unlivable to the point where I can't enjoy things. This happens also not only once for each new interest ETC for example if I find a new show I like I can watch it the first time a day or two later after finishing it I get my obsessive thing back and it usually lasts for a couple weeks of constantly obssesing over it. And then I eventually move on but after that if I ever watch it again or even just watch a video about it boom its back again. Also I feel the need to do everything in my power to try to make myself not be a failure no matter how many times I ask my parents and they say they are proud of me (I get good grades, I am learning a new language). I feel I have to do this and that so then I can be a good person. I get I am probably stupid for not really talking about this but then again I am dumb and maybe this is normal???? but yeah should I talk to a doctor about this lmao? Thanks
EDIT: I forgot I also have to check every plate and cutlery before eating and if its ever so slightly I cant use it. Also all of my bullet points I got from the website too and I put them because they are what I feel the heavyest.
| 1 |
My life has been ‘frozen’ for (I can’t believe it) nearly 5 years now .. and I think it’s perfectionism
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I vividly remember starting Year 12 and wondering whether I should switch FM for biology.
“By next Thursday I’ll decide”
The thought persisted pretty much throughout sixth form (January 2020) - not strong enough though - due to my indecisiveness. Now I don’t care since i finished my A levels in 2020 with A*AAA.
Before that, I remember going on an open day with my older brother to imperial and we visited the history and science museums and it was great but I still felt down because I didn’t know what I wanted to do for uni and I wanted to focus on that. I didn’t even want to go the the cinema because I wanted to figure out and map out my life before I enjoyed it.
LITTLE has changed.
I say frozen because I didn’t sabotage my academics / schooling but pretty much everything else has (my friendships, enjoying life) as if I’ve just been the passenger to the bus that is my life.
And I say perfectionism because I like all things stem but at the same time I’m reluctant to set my heart on anything even now. Another example is me with buying things “for life”. I’ve spent weeks looking for a really good steam iron for my mum but I’ve spent too much time because I want to get the best and my mind won’t feel satisfied until I do.
The one thing that keeps me sane is realising and understand my life is just one of many millions, and at the end of the day we are all insignificant and will die. But at the same time I’m thinking so much about mine. It’s like either I’m depersonalised or I’m trying to think about too much.
I feel helpless. But I’m hopeful.
| 2 |
I give up
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I can’t do it anymore, I am a pathetic weak human being and I can’t do it anymore. No one fucking cares about me or what I do, No one understands that I really do try to kill myself everyday, Just in a manner that would look like an accident. Nothing good has come from “just keeping on” I have lost time and time and time again, I have been toyed with by God himself. I feel as though I was created as a cruel play on the overall creation of humanity.
I am a college dropout, I gave up on my dreams before they even got hard. Before they even had a chance to come into fruition.
My parents have been destroyed by me and my antics growing up, They say that none of it was my fault but it all was. Deep down I know the sinister reality is that I was unwanted from the very beginning.
I guess what Im trying to say is that these 20 years of life have been nothing but a complete waste of energy and I should have killed myself the second it came into my head.
I have lost all my friends, I have no real family in contact, I am alone, I have been cast away from God, I have been drowned in a pit of despair and I can no longer fight to stay afloat.
Godspeed all, It’s a pleasure knowing that I will die without leaving too many hurt.
| 8 |
How to tell your parents how u really feel
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I (20f) have moved out almost a year ago. While I got much better mentally I noticed my parents are missing me a lot. They even asked me to spend the whole holidays with them and every time they can they want to spend time with me. All of this is wonderful if it wasn’t that one of my main triggers is them. You might tell me that I’m an ungrateful daughter, but I struggle to stare into the loving eyes of people that emotionally and verbally abused for the longest time without feeling a lump in my throat. Also every time I spend time with them I feel worst. I tried to talk to them about my mental health in the past but they reacted badly by denying the problem and belittling my feelings. I’m not sure on what to do. Should I avoid seeing them so maybe they wonder what they did wrong or is it going to make them even more hostile towards me?
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I cannot sleep please help
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Why am I always waking up in the middle of the night? Why can't I even get 3 consecutive hours of sleep?
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Do vraylar help with supersensitive psych caused by withdrawal of antipsychotic?
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Why do I start imagining quite aggressive and negative scenarios while I am eating alone and not doing anything in parallel ?
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I have noticed this for some time now, I get deep into imagining very negative scenarios where I am getting very angry and fighting with someone. They seem to happen every time I am eating alone and not watching TV or doing something alongside eating. I get so deep into these fantasies that I can feel my heart beating faster and I get anxious along with it. I am quite certain that this has been the case for many years now.
A common theme of these imaginative scenarios is that something or someone is disrupting my lunch and then I would lose my shit. A very common imagination is a real one (I think, but I am not sure) where my mom commented how expensive it is getting to feed us now. That happened (supposedly) years ago and I was upset on my mom about this. Now in my fantasies I am sometimes throwing the plate at the wall or simply yelling at her.
Any insights as to why this happens and what can I do to prevent it ? It is a continuous loop for now, I would get into detailed imagination, realise it, stop myself from thinking about it and few seconds later it would pop up again.
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recently on meds, feeling anxiety later in the day. strange cycle?
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i went on lamotrigine and Seroquel a month and a half ago. im way better now but notice later in the day i will feel anxiety. it mostly manifests in me wanting to text a girl im friends with. i find if i take stock of my mental space each day, its fine, i can handle the anxiety but its annoying. if i forget (which does happen) i will anxious text or reach out a lot to people. gets a bit flooding of txt ish.
i also notice ill have a monolog in my head, like if i have a conversation with someone coming up - ill run through it and if i talk to myself with a negative results ill be anxious from it... like wtf? this did not happen before the meds.
anyone have any experience with stuff like this?
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I need some help.
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Let’s set the scene, i’m a 19 year old male (born male) and i have never physically felt.
It sounds so strange but the physical feeling that is experienced when an emotion is experienced simply does not occur in my body, the “butterflies” or a feeling of sunken heart i have never once experienced.
For the longest time people assumed i was autistic and after ADHD and autism tests it proved that was simply not the case, I never had any sort of trauma as a child and my life is average for people my age. often i come across as cold and even therapists have had struggles trying to figure me out.
However i will admit that i am a chronic manipulator, it’s almost 2nd nature to remember every detail about people and to figure out what makes people “tick” this was i can exploit them for my own gain. i feel no remorse or guilt for this and don’t care what people think of me. i will always be the 1st to admit that i am not a nice person and have made it clear with partners and friends that this is just me, i see a therapist for it but all i take away is different ways to get into peoples heads.
I have no issues using or hurting people close to me as long as i gain, and it’s beginning to raise questions.
i’m not looking for validation or an excuse but simply any idea as to what could be wrong with me.
- B
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How do you get help when no one believes you? TW for SH
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I have called out to family, friends, teachers and counsellor's alike, but every time I'm treated as less important. I don't know what to do. When my self harm was really bad in 2020 I was flaunting it so people would notice. My mum did and all she did was tell me to stop.
I've told friends how awful I feel but they always play it off as a joke due to the nonchalant attitude I have towards my issues.
My friend and I were both crying all lesson one time, two hours straight. My teacher was constantly checking on them, but even as j was right beside them crying, I was completely ignored. I've told that teacher about my insecurities and issues before, but they didn't really take notice, maybe because I wasn't crying?
Another friend and I went to see the school counsellor together due to our similar issues. He focused on her the entire time. She was crying, I wasn't.
I don't know what it is, but no matter how hard I call for help, from flaunting my issues to straight asking, no one takes me seriously.
I'm so close to attempting suicide, contemplating everyday, not because I want to die, but because maybe if I try, then people will actually be able to understand that I have been asking for years, and they have ignored me time and time again.
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I think I’m slowly losing my humanity
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Recently my mothers dad passed away and I didn’t feel anything about it, not a drop of sadness. Didn’t shed a single tear, although I still comforted my mother because she is my favorite person in the world (although I try to stay unbiased between my parents it’s pretty obvious I love her more) but recently I haven’t been feeling and it’s scary, I can’t remember the last time I cried or even felt sad or happy, any advise?
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i dont know what's happened to me.
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In the past year and a half ive completely lost myself. im just becoming aware of if bc things ive seen and felt. i dont get excited or happy anymore. i dont have any hobbies and i dont do anything i used to love. i guess u could say i "identified" as a artist, and everyone i know, knows that about me its like my thing but i havnt made any art in a year i feel like ive lost my passion for life. i see other people get excited or scared and i realized i dont feel those things anymore. i feel like im a shell of who i used to be but im aware of it. and it might not sound like something big but for me it is. my personality and in general ME, the way everyone thinks of me is funny, smart an artist but im just not that anymore and it scares me bc i used to be SO passionate about everything i liked and my interest but now i dont even have interest bc i dont even feel anything. in my brain it's empty. when something happens where im supposed to feel something i dont amd it's scary bc all im doing is observing. not experiencing. i hope someone will read this and hopefully have a similar experience
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Mental health and high altitude
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Hi, I've been studying (for yrs now) about the correlation between living in high altitude and mental illness. I live above 3000ft and struggle here. When anywhere with lower elevation I feel so much better. There are finally more studies coming out about this. Just something to look into if you live at 2000ft or above. Especially if you already have any mental health issues living in a high elevation can be a very bad thing. Anyone here have experience with this?
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Could my mental health have something to do with my irregular eating patterns?
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I’ve been on and off “depressed” (not diagnosed, my mom won’t take me anywhere and won’t get me a therapist) for the last three years. I also have extreme mood swings and am feeling suicidal for the third time in my 16 years of living. I don’t know what’s wrong with me or why I feel this way I’m just sad all the time. I have loving friends and they are the light of my life but it’s not enough anymore. I cant seem to eat without wanting to puke after a few bites. I’ve always been a slim person and ever so slightly underweight and I’m worried I’ll look sickly before long.
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What happens next??
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Anybody ever had their kids taken away for mental health issues?? If so,what was the process like?
This happened to me today and I’m at a loss. They said they’d give me mental health treatment but I’m already receiving it.
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