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Write a joke that starts with the following setup | A women got a wooden breast implant yesterday.... it would be a funny joke if this had a punch line... | Wooden tit |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | How does a farmer count his cows? | With a COWculator... But, what if they all have babies? Then he MOOtiplies them! Man, I'm really milking these puns for more than they're worth... |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | My new personal trainer encouraged me to do do fifteen push-ups every commercial break on TV | Man... I love Netflix! |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Peanut butter was driving his toast when suddenly... | ..there was a jam |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | What did the goose say when he found out about flying south? | Wanna hear migrate idea? |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | What does Batman take with his alcohol? | Just ice |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | The Greatest Pig... | A man was visiting his worldly uncle on his farm, when a pig in a wheeled cart trotted past him, missing its two hind legs. He leaned over to his uncle and asked "Uncle, what happened to that pig in the wheelchair?" The uncle takes a deep draw of his pipe and points to the pig. "I owe that pig my life, my wealth and the love of my beloved wife." "All that?" "I reckon, yes. See, years ago when I got the pig, I was planning to roast it whole. But, I got a little drunk and fell asleep, bout that time a wire went bad in the walls and the house caught fire! That pig though, it was so damn smart it managed to drag me to safety until help arrived." "That's incredible!" "A few days later, I was still trying to recover my belongings from the fire when the pig nosed up an old chest that'd been hidden under my floorboards! Wouldn't you know it, the thing was un-liftably filled with silver treasures. I had it all into a vault in the bank within the day and never needed to worry on expenses ever again." "The blind luck!" "Oh yes, but see, while I was busy counting those many silver pieces, a single gold ring tumbled out of the pile and the pig picked it up with it's teeth and took off running down the street! I had to run to catch up with it for several blocks, I finally caught up and kneeled down to fetch the ring from it's mouth when I looked up and saw the most gorgeous woman I'd ever seen. She thought I was proposing! We had a grand laugh about it over lunch, and almost a month later I proposed to her for real, with that very ring. Yes sir, that pig has been my most loyal companion for years now." "This is all so overwhelming, all this from a pig with just two legs?" "Oh, no, it had more, just didn't seem right to eat it all at once." |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Reasonable Doubt | A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse. In the defense’s closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick. "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. "Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom." He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened. Finally the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I, therefore, put it to you that there is reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty." The jury, clearly confused, retired to deliberate. A few minutes later, the jury returned and pronounced a verdict of guilty. "But how?" inquired the lawyer. "You must have had some doubt; I saw all of you stare at the door. The jury foreman answered: "Oh, we looked. But your client didn’t." |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. | Give a fish a man and he'll eat for a year. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | My Iraqi friend found a silver lining on the Muslim travel ban | My Iraqi friend found a silver lining on the Muslim travel ban. He said "at least my mother-in-law can't come and visit." Well, at least he found something to laugh about XD |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | An Irishman walks into a bar... | Just kidding he was born there and never left |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Is this the bus for dyslexic kids? | Oops, wrong sub. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | I'm gonna tell you an oxygen and potassium joke, | OK? |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Why did the mortician cross the road? | To get to the other suicide |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | A woman gives birth to twins | An old fisherman and his wife settle down and decide to have some kids. The wife ends up giving birth to twins, both boys. Eventually as the babies grow the couple notice that the two never face the same way. Wherever one of them looks the other is always facing the opposite direction, no matter what they do. The couple decide to name them Toward and Away. The kids grow and have a happy childhood despite this strange behavior and when they turn 10 years old their father decides he wants to teach them to learn how to be fishermen like him. He teaches them all the tools of the trade, the right knots to tie, the proper way to care for the equipment, how to steer the boat and catch the wind in the sails, and all the other ins and outs of the trade. One day the three head out on a fishing trip together. The mother kisses them goodbye, wishes them well, and watches as they sail off. Three week.s go by before the father, and only the father, returns, looking haggard and gaunt. "What on Earth happened?!" exclaims the wife upon his return. "You were gone for so long that I had almost given up hope. Where are our sons?" "My dear," says the man, "I'm afraid they are dead. I only barely survived myself." "What happened to you?" asks the wife. "Well, the day we set sail we found a great school of fish and were catching many large fish to bring home. Suddenly an enormous fish, bigger than the boat, lept out of the water and capsized us with the wave that came from it. We were flung into the water where we clung to driftwood to stay afloat. As we tried to get back together the fish breached again, swallowing Toward in its great jaws." "Oh, my, that's terrible!" "It is, but you should have seen the one that got Away!" |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Why did the robot kill someone with its empty battery? | So it would get charged with murder. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | The English Teacher in India | Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I". Student: I is the.... Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I". Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with boobs? | One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | A poem. | I am a little girl, I have a little thing That when I go to bed, I put my finger in. Now I'm much older, My thing had lost its charm And now it takes 5 fingers, And half my fucking arm. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | What do you call the Pope when he is sleepwalking? | A Roamin' Catholic. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Two couples are playing cards at the table, and someone accidentally knocks them to the floor.. | Two couples are playing cards at the table, and someone accidentally knocks them to the floor. One of the men goes under the table to pick up the cards, and as he looks up he can see up his friend's wife's dress and that she isn't wearing any underwear. Blushing coming up from the table, he sets the cards down and they continue to play. A little while later while going to get a drink from the fridge, the other wife approaches him and asks, "When you were looking for the cards, did you find anything to your liking?" Awkwardly, he replies, "Actually yes, I did." "If you'd like some more, show up tomorrow at 1 pm and bring 100$. You can like it a little more then.", she whispers to him. He kindly agrees and the next day he shows up at 1 pm with 100$. He hands her the money and they proceed to have at each other, in every conceivable way, for several hours. After the deed is done, he leaves the house. Holding the money in her hand, the phone rings 10 minutes later. It's her husband, "Hey, did Mike come by today at around 1 pm?" Ashamed and a little frightened, she says, "Uh, yes he did." "Did he happen to give you 100$?", he replies promptly. Her heart sinks, "Y-y-yes, he did." "Ah, ok. Good. He came by earlier and asked to borrow 100$. He said he'd drop it off at the house today at 1 pm" |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | 3 drunk guys enter a taxi | 3 drunk guys enter a taxi. The taxi driver knew that they were drunk, so he starts the engine and turns it off again. Then said, "we have reached your destination". The 1st guy gives him the money and the 2nd guy says "Thank you". The 3rd guy slaps the driver. The driver is shocked, thinking the 3rd drunkard knew what he did. But then he asks "what was that for?" The 3rd guy replies, " Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us! |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | What do you get when you crossbreed a Chihuahua with a German Shepherd? | A que-nein. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | I told my husband there are 100 days until our baby's delivery | He said "That's a really long time. You should really use Prime next time". |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | What is the sound of one hand clapping? | Amputees anonymous |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Pun competition | One day, a man was sitting at home with a beer in hand when he read about a pun competition being held downtown. He got up early the next morning and came up with the best puns he had ever seen, and entered his 10 best puns hoping he would win, but unfortunately no pun in 10 did. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | What's Donald Trumps favorite kind of dog? | a BORDER collie! |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | My girlfriend has a lot of trust issues. | Well, one of them does. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | One night, a man walks into a bar looking sad... | The bartender asks the man what he wants. The man says, “Oh, just a beer." The bartender asked the man, “What's wrong, why are you so down today?” The man said, “My wife and I got into a fight and she said she wouldn't talk to me for a month.” The bartender said, “So what's wrong with that?” The man said, “Well, the month is up tonight.” |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | A radio station in Ireland is taking calls to find a word that is commonly used but isn't in the dictionary yet... | The first caller gets through. "Hello! What word do you think should be in the dictionary?" "Goan!" "Goan? Can you use it in a sentence?" "Yeah, go'an fuck yerself!" The caller then begins laughing until the station can cut off his call. After several more calls they get another man, "And what's your word sir?" "Smee!" "Can you use it in a sentence?" "Aye! S'mee again! Go'an fuck yerself!" |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Girls call me shortcut | My penis is circumcised and 3 inches long |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Where does Phil Collins record his songs? | In a stu-stu-studio. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | February 10th should be National Fart Day. | Because it's 2/10. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | A priest has diarrhea | Holy shit!!!! |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | What do you call a teenage Hitler | Zitler |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | If a girl sleeps with 100 guys she gets called a slut. What do you call a guy who does the same thing? | A homosexual. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | My phone fell from the 20th floor, | good thing it was in airplane mode. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Napping at work | Sometimes, when I'm sure people can only see the back of my head, I enjoy sneaking in a quick catnap at work. They never last too long though, invariably someone rings the bell telling me they want to get off my bus. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Two vampire bats were hanging arround | Suddenlly the first one states: "I'm hungry, I'm going to grab a bite to eat" and he flies off. Half an hour later he returns with a huge smile on his face and blood on his chin. The other bat asks: "Did you get your fill?" "Oh boy did i ever. Do you see that red roofed barn way over there?" "Ahha" "Well beyond that barn there is a huge herde of cows... an all you can eat bufette" So the second bat gets excited and flies off. 45 minutes latter he returnes with a gloom expression and a face full of blood. "Do you see that big church tower over there?" He asks his friend. "Yeah, I see it" "Well I sure as hell didn't" |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | A demolition expert goes on stage during open mic night... | He proceeds to bring the house down. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | I'm sorry I said "nice phone" | When you showed me a picture of your baby.. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Two old timers were playing chess in the park. The first one says: "know what I did yesterday? I went to the girls..." | "At your old age?" Says the second one as he cuts him off. "How was it?" He asks in anticipation "Much nicer than the boys" Edit: dunno if this translates well enough |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | A redhead walks into the Dr. Office..... | She sits down on the examining table and tells the Doctor "I think I am going to die. I hurt all over. I touch my arm and it hurts, I my head and it hurts. I touch my abdomen and it hurts." The doctor looks at her and says, "Let me guess that you are naturally blonde." "Why yes, How did you guess?" "Because you have a broken finger." |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are stranded on an island... | The island is 10 miles from shore and without any other possible way to leave, the woman decide swimming is the only way off. The redhead goes first, she manages to make it 3 miles before she gets tired and drowns. The brunette then goes after, she makes it farther than the redhead but still finds herself tired and drowns five miles away from shore. Finally, it's the blonde's turn. She makes it five miles before feeling and tired and swims back to the island. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | We should make all vehicles be driven by Stormtroopers | They never hit anything so there would be no accidents. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | A memorable first time | One day a father tells his son "You're 18 now, and I think it's time you learned about the birds and the bees, so take this duck and go over to this brothel and see what you can do." Slightly confused, the son heads over to the brothel with the duck and meets with one of the women there. The son explained the situation to the lady and told her that even though he has no money, he does have this duck. The woman thinks for a while, and decides to take the duck as payment since she knew a guy that could help her prepare the duck so that she could cook it for dinner. So after they have sex, the woman is flabbergasted at just how magnificent the son was in bed. She even offered him a freebie but being the polite guy that he is, he refused. So the woman, desperate for another round, offered the duck back as payment, the son agrees and so they have sex again. Later, the son leaves the brothel with the duck. On their way back home a truck appears, seemingly out of nowhere, and hits the duck, killing it. Feeling bad, the driver offers to pay the son for the duck. Not knowing how much it was worth the son settles for $20. The driver happily obliges, pays him the $20, and they both go on their ways. Finally the son gets home when his dad asks him "So son, how was it?" The son replies "I dunno dad, you tell me." "Ok, so tell me what happened" replied the dad. The son replied "Well dad, I got a fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck, and 20 bucks for a fucked up duck." |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | I can't tell whether my new car's suspension is amazing, or if I'm a sociopath | Either way when I ran over that pedestrian I didn't feel a thing. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Why did Vegeta name his son Trunks? | ...find out on the next episode of Dragon Ball Z |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Americans make the best jokes... | Sorry I meant President. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Have y'all heard of the cow that produces milk that taste like that stuff of myths? | It's legen-dairy |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | I was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer's and Cancer | The cancer sucks, but at least I don't have Alzheimer's! Wait No I do I can feel the edges of my mind unraveling; each piece, once so firmly put together, slowly falling away from my grasp. To know that the mind, the seat of who you are, can simply... disintegrate, like a mighty sandcastle in the tide... Well, at least I don't have cancer. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | [short] what is Forrest Gump's password? | 1forrest1 |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | I was told that the friendship between sodium, potassium, and oxygen was bad. | I said, "Na. Pretty sure it is OK." EDIT: Should have switched potassium and oxygen around. Dang it... |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | I don't really like food from Spain much but... | To chicharrón I guess |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Two cows are standing in a field in Canada in the year 2003. | One cow turns to the other and says, "we gotta watch out. I hear mad cow disease has been spreading through the herd." The other cow looks towards him and says, "what are telling me for? I'm not a cow, I'm a duck!" |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Why did Snoop Dogg bust out an umbrella? | Fo drizzle |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | What's the difference between your penis and your tax return? | She'll blow your tax return |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Why can't Hindi people fight with each other? | Because they can't have beef! |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | A chicken goes into the library. | A chicken goes into the library, walks up to the librarian, and says, "Book." The librarian says, "You want a book?" "Book" "Any book?" "Book" So the librarian gives the chicken a novel and off it goes. An hour later, the chicken come back and says, "Book-book." The librarian says, "Now you want two books?" "Book-book." So she give a chicken two more novels. The chicken leaves but again comeback an hour later. "Book-book-book." "Three books?" "Book-book-book." So the librarian gives the chicken three books, but she decides she'll follow the chicken and finds out what is going on? And the chicken crosses the road, goes down the alley, out of town and towards the woods, into the woods and down to the river, down to the swamp, and there is a bull frog. The chicken sets the books down by him. The bullfrog looks at the books and says, "Reddit...Reddit...Reddit..." |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | What do you call a Jewish man with heartburn? | An acidic Jew. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Are you sitting on the F5 key? | Because dat ass is so refreshing! |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | I only lie to people I don't like. | Don't worry, I like you. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | A Teacher asks the students.. | "Is it possible to insert 2 holes through one hole?" Nobody is able to answer Teacher: "You guys are so stupid. Go and ask your parents and come back tomorrow with an answer." The next day too, nobody is able to answer the question. Teacher: "Well, it seems your parents are stupid as well. See the answer is so simple." Then the teacher makes a circle using his thumb and index finger and keeps it in front of his nostrils. Teacher: "See, it was so simple, yet nobody was able to answer." The next day, a student comes up to the teacher and says, "Sir, my father has asked if it's possible to insert 7 holes through one hole?" Teacher: "No, that's impossible." Students: "It is possible, my father said." Teacher : "How?" Student: "Take a flute and shove it up your ass." |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | My friend didn't get my RAM joke. | DIMM wit. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | I only date black girls | So I don't have to meet their fathers |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | What makes an ISIS joke funny? | The execution. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | My wife and I were happy for 25 years. | Then we got married. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | I redid my entire house with mirrors... | You could say it really reflects who I am. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Load of animals in the back of a lorry.. | The cow says "mooooooooove over" The chicken says "fkaaaf" |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | A sandwich walks into a bar and asks for a beer. | The bartender takes one look at him and says, "We don't serve food here." |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | What does the inappropriate strip club patron say when he finally admits he has a problem? | I come here too often |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | I feel like most jokes about communism are pretty low effort | But at least everyone gets them |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | A Font Designer and a Police Officer Walk Into a Bar... | The font designer leaves sans sheriff. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | The Bacon Tree | Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States , wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says: "Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I theenk." "Is, Luis, eet sure smell like bacon." With renewed hope, they struggle up the next sand dune, & there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon. There's raw bacon, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon, every imaginable kind of cured pork. "Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved! Ees a bacon tree!" "Luis, maybe ees a meerage? We ees in the desert don't forget." "Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon? Ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree!" With that, Luis staggers towards the tree. He gets to within 5 yards, Pepe crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up, and Luis drops like a wet sock. Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with his dying breath: "Pepe, go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree!" "Luis, Luis miamigo, what ees it?" "Pepe ees not a bacon tree. Ees... Ees... Ees... Ees... Ees... Ees... Ees... a ham bush." |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Why do stoners make lousy poker players? | Because they keep smoking the pot. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | How do you drown a hipster? | Throw them into the mainstream. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | A impoverished brother and sister are trying to come up with ways to make a few extra bucks. | The sister says "I'm going down to give blood. I hear they'll pay $20." "Wow," says brother, "I'm going to go donate sperm, I hear that pays $100." The sister angrily leaves the homeless shelter. The next day the brother seeing his sister leaving the homeless shelter he asks, "where are you headed to?" "Sperm bank," she says with her mouth full. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | An old woman walked into a sex toy shop... | She wandered in the shop for a couple of minutes and finally she stopped and asked the vendor: How much is this one? He replied: Ma'am, that's a fire extinguisher. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Milking Machine | A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine. Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first. So, he inserted his "manhood" into the equipment, turned on the switch and everything else was automatic. Soon, he realised that the equipment provided him with much more pleasure than his wife ever had. When the fun was over, though, he quickly realised that he couldn't remove the instrument from his penis. He read the manual but didn't find any useful information on how to disengage himself. He tried every button on the instrument, but still without success. Finally, he decided to call the suppliers Customer Service Hot Line with his mobile.. "Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?" "Don't worry," replied the customer service rep, "The machine will release automatically once it's collected ten litres. Have a nice day." |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Knock knock. Who’s there? Smell mop. | (finish this joke in your head) |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Give a man a jacket and he'll stay warm all winter | Teach a man to jacket and he'll stay warm his whole life |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | A young boy asks his dad what the difference between a fanny and a cunt is | Thinking he's old enough to learn, he tells the boy 'i'll show you! ' He takes his son upstairs where his wife is sleeping in bed. He lifts the sheets and points to his wife's vagina and says ' you see that? That's a fanny' 'Oooh can i touch it?' Asks the kid. 'No!! You'll wake up the cunt! ' |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | A farmer is milking his cow | This is a translation of a Galician joke, feel free to correct any mistake/awkward phrasing A farmer is milking his cow, the cow whips him with her tail. -Fuckin' cow! The farmer keeps milking the cow, and the cow keeps whipping him. At the third whip, the farmer is really pissed with the cow, so he gets a stool, takes his belt off and ties the cow tail to the ceiling -Not so smart now, aren't you? His pants fall to the floor, and in that exact moment, his wife enters the cowhouse. +Manolo! What the hell! -Look, if I tell you the truth you would not believe me anyway, so yea, I'm going to fuck this cow. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. | Give a man a poisoned fish, and he'll eat for a lifetime. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Valentine's Day Gift | A young lady was caught napping one afternoon on Valentine's Day. She woke up when she heard the doorbell. "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day," she said to her boyfriend. "What do you think it means?" "You'll know for sure tonight," he replied. That evening, the young man arrived with a small package and gave it to his girlfriend. Delighted, she opened it and found a book entitled "The meaning of dreams." |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | My girlfriend said to me the other day, "Why did God give women periods with cramp pains, and men nothing?" | I laughed and replied, "Don't be silly, he gave us women." |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | "Come forth and I shall grant you eternal life", said God unto John. | But John came in fifth and won a toaster. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Why did the cockroach break up with his mosquito girlfriend? | He saw her sucking someone else. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? | 'Cause girl you hot as fuck. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | It's a Priests first day at a new church... | and after Mass he sits down in the confession booth. He's nervous because this is his first time in confessional after seminary school and he isn't sure if he'll remember what to do. Someone walks in and sits down, and starts to confess. "Forgive me Father for I have sinned, it's been 2 weeks since my last confession." Father thinks for a second, and says, "Alright my son, you get 10 Hail Marys and you shall be forgiven" Second person comes in, sits down and starts to confess. "Forgive me Father for I have sinned. I slept with a woman who was not my wife." Father panics a little, settles down and starts to think. "Ah, yes! I give you 20 Our Fathers and you shall be forgiven my son." A third person comes in and sits down. "Forgive me father, but last night I got a blowjob." "Oh, no!" he though, "what do I do!" So Father quickly peeks outside and grabs an Alter Boy and says, "hey what do you get for a blowjob??" And the Alter Boy says, "well the old Priest used to give me a snickers" |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Son asks for money | A young jewish son asks his dad for $5 dollars. The dad responds shocked, "$4 dollars? What do you need $3 dollars for?" |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Words can't express how beautiful you are. | But numbers can. 4/10 |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | What's a Germans least favourite drink? | Juice |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | There was a guy who was having chronic trouble getting an erection. | After weeks of frustration, he finally decides he is going to go see a doctor. The doctor gives him a thorough examination and eventually makes the diagnosis. "Well, there's good news and there's bad news," she says. "The bad news is that the muscles around your penis are deteriorating, and there is no cure." The guy, on the verge of panic, finally regains his composure. "So what's the good news?" he asks. The doctor says, "There is an experimental treatment available, but there are no guarantees. It involves transplanting the muscles from a baby elephant's trunk into your penis. Would you like to try it?" The guy thinks about it and finally says, "Well, the thought of going through life without being able to have sex is just too much for me. What have I got to lose? Let's do it." So the doctor performs the operation. A few weeks later, the guy takes his girlfriend out to a nice restaurant to celebrate his new equipment. While sitting at the table, he feels a stirring between his legs; it gets progressively worse until it reaches a point of being painful. Seeking relief, he reaches down and unzips his fly to relieve some of the pressure. Suddenly, his penis leaps free from his pants, slides over the tabletop and grabs a dinner roll, then returns to his pants again. "Wow!" says his girlfriend stunned, "That was impressive! Can you do it again?" Eyes watering and face flushed, he says, "Probably... but I don't know if I can fit another dinner roll up my ass!" |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Two hunters | Two hunters are walking through the woods and having a great time. When all of the sudden one falls to the ground, eyes roll back in their head, and it not breathing. So the other friend calls 911, "Help my friend just died and I do not know what to do!?" The 911 operator says, "Well are you sure he is dead? Can you make sure he is dead?" The operator hears the phone being placed on the ground, and a shot go off. The operator hears the phone being picked back up and the hunter says "Well now what!?" |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | A bodybuilder told me he hates protein. | No whey! |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | You know what pisses me off most about Reddit? | [deleted] |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | What is Sean Spicer's favorite genre of music? | Alternative Rock |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | If Christians have the Daily Bread, what do Buddhists have? | The Daily Lama |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Get Stoned Before an Auction | Even if you don't win anything, you'll still be the highest bidder! |
Subsets and Splits