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As I write in r/depression. I state my life is fine. I know decent people and I have survived the indecent. I have learned a lot and my life is very decent for a 26 year old black man born in low class society. The worst thing in my life is probably masturbation and with that I am down to like 1 a days. I have goals and dreams. My family is decent enough. I have ladies in my life. I am actually Elevating, I can feel it. I have never gotten the girl I was after, everyone I have wanted I have failed at, so all my loves are circumstantial. I achieve in all but the loves I choose. In that I have still had women, I still achieve the casual sex, and I am about to be a millionaire and I doubt that will hurt my chances and I have even analyzed all my failure and it is made me better in my approach... so yea nothings wrong with me. Failure was never an option because I did not quit. I believe in God and I have beat the suicidal tendencies. there is nothing I dislike more in a game than a quitter. Why r/depression? I feel like life's been an interesting ordeal to say the least but fuck I feel like being a black man on this planet blows. If I had not joined the military in the past I would be fucked on a highway to nowhere right now and it is only getting worse on this planet. I was born 1995 before Gameboy got color and as we evolved through technology it feels to me that we have devolved as beings. Shit, I myself am piece of work and I work hard. It took a lot to be this decent, I literally dealt with years of darkness and still do, but I do not want to kill anyone, or destroy the world... I used to though. Honestly I think everyone is capable of anything if they put their mind to it but you must be willing to continue.Information is key, you have to be willing to grow. You must apply information to effort, no matter how fast or slow. The snail does not know where the fuck it is going and its not even capable of high speeds but that fuckers moving. Being poor, being stagnant, these are mindsets. Set your mind to something else. Knowing your situation is half the battle, the rest is faith baby. The odds of any of this existence bullshit do not exist, infinitesimal. Which means you are already beating the odds. Keep fucking fighting do not quit. This is for me as much as it is for whoever reads.I hope you equalstand... the better you are, the better I am, the better we can be to eachother, that is better people on the planet, making things a slightly better place. it is those who know the darkness that shine the brightest. Be brave. The time is always now. Do with that info what you will. I hope reddit does not remove this. I hope it touches someone. You are not alone in your suffering, there are others, there is hope, you are a good enough reason to continue. You are a great enough reason to be better. Blessings upon you from a stranger Hy(i)ding. There is nothing wrong with me | Depression |
I am severely traumatized and in the lowest throes of depression. I could fill a book with experiences that would horrify the average person. It is truly remarkable that I am alive, and life is something that I hate to no end. This is a trigger warning, because even though I would probably despise you, I respect your membership in a "moral community." I am going to vent some things that contribute to my depression. do not read it, straight up. To preface, I am not some 14 year old kid struggling with new emotions. I am 31, and I have experienced pretty much exclusively low points throughout my life, interspersed with extensive, mind-destroying misery that nearly killed me several times. I am convinced, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that 99% of humanity is sinister in nature, and wicked in their actions. I hate you, very genuinely. My entire being is consumed by an unquenchable hatred for my fellow human being. I was not always like this, though. I was a nice kid with a big, loving heart, even though my parents were meth head trailer trash. My innocence was systematically stolen from me over the course of my early years. I learned to hate, and I eventually lost my ability to trust other humans on any level. I literally cannot maintain any relationships, and I live in complete isolation, waiting to die. I had early childhood issues with abandonment that made me feel like everyone was going to suddenly leave me. I was not wrong. People are shit, and they will stick around as long as you have something that they want. You, the person reading this, are like this. No matter what you think about yourself, you are not loyal to anyone but yourself, and you probably do not even know it. Only broken people can truly understand the ramifications their actions can have on others, because they were once victimized by another's selfishness - their willingness to use you to attain a need or desire of some kind. In order to *truly* understand that, you have to have experienced trauma. Real trauma. Not "I got a spanking when I was 10." The kind that actually fucks you up forever. *trigger warning for people who cannot validate my experience, while simultaneously expecting their own experiences to be validated* You, at the grocery store, staring at my ragged clothes and greasy hair, please go fuck yourself. Leave me alone. Mind your own goddamned business. You, in the car trying to run me off the fucking road while you text on your cell phone, I hope you crash and your car bursts into flames. You, neighbor, slamming your fucking fist on the wall whenever I walk across my house - whenever you do this, I have a panic attack. I imagine gruesome things about you, and all that separates us is a paper thin wall that I could crush through with my bare hands. Fuck you. If you knew my thoughts, you would move. You, the guy who stole my car a couple months back. I hope terrible things happen to you in prison. You, the employer who stole thousands of dollars from me and my employees while I managed your company and literally kept it afloat through 2020, I hope your fucking business goes under and your family goes hungry. Fuck you. I hope your mansion burns down. I could go on forever. I despise you all with all my soul. I just had to say some of this. Keep in mind that I do not care about your feelings, and I do not seek validation. I feel nothing but hatred and sadness. | Depression |
I know I have to love myself. I know I have to think of myself more positively. I know depression and anxiety hold me down and prevent me from living the way I need to. But how far do I go? At what point does it go from legitimate self-criticism and drive to change to self-hatred and perfectionism?How do I know what thoughts to change? If I am never hard on myself, what do I use to change for the better? If I am not depressed and anxious, what do I use as my moral barometer? | Depression |
After being turned away by betterhelp (it was about two weeks after everything shut down last year and I was in a pretty bad place) I found Open Path. Now every time I hear an ad for BH I roll my eyes and wonder how they are still around.They are a for-profit organization who make over $200M/year. **Open path is a non-profit who charges you a one time fee to be a lifelong member**I Venmo my therapist and the money goes directly in her pocket. I am glad I stuck it out and continued to look for help because being rejected access to an online therapy platform nearly threw me over the edge.I apologize if this breaks the rules in some way but I had to tell you guys just in case one person benefits from this. Love you guys and hope you are having a good day today. Just feel like this has to be said | Depression |
Is serotonin syndrome painful? How painful is it and what are the chances of dying from it | Depression |
I think about this a lot today. The scene in frozen where he says this and everyone laughs. I never got the joke. I imagine myself in a cartoon land falling forward and being impaled in the head and that being it. Olof I have been impaled | Depression |
I am always so mad because of people yelling at me and school is so stressfull and hard and i just feel like killing everything and feel like I am going insane and people say "your only 13 enjoy life" but i cannot it feels like I am trapped in a house all day and cannot do anything. always so mad and alone | Depression |
Hello. Lately my mental health has been slowly out of my control. I have been struggling with it for years and still managed to recover or help myself through each episode but now, I think either it is become greater overtime or I am too exhausted to deal with it. Night time used to be my favorite time as this is when I could re-charge myself and feel more inspired. But the last two years, everything has turned up side down. At day time, working keeps my thoughts from wandering to undesirable things. But when I go to bed, I start to feel despair, useless, hopeless,...The scariest thing is, I could cry my eyes out at night and wake up next morning feeling "hating" myself being so miserable last night. But then the night comes again, things repeat. Last year there was one time I had shortness of breath and was so close to faint but luckily got myself go to the hospital.. After that and even now sometimes I still have these symptoms especially lying down, like my breath become shorter and lighter... I have not gone to the therapist yet. I have talked about this to my close friends but the thing is, when those episodes do not hit, I act very normally and cannot describe exactly what is going on with me. Every time I tried to seek advise about my problems but then my "common sense" is like "no you are just exaggerating things, get a rest and you will be fine". I am not fine at all. Things are going worse. I have been typing this far, and this time I will hit the post button. Night time depression? | Depression |
My parents have been asking me a lot lately what I want to do with myself following high school and through adulthood, what I want to major in, careers I am interested in, etc. I always respond with the same answer, I do not know. Why do not I have any idea what I want to do in the future? Because I do not expect one for myself. I have zero motivation to get anywhere in life, I have no interests that are worth putting time and effort into to better myself. I have heard plenty of adults say its all downhill past 25 (age) well if that is true, what is the point of living past 25? Let the people who really have life aspirations get where they want to be, let them succeed and fulfill their goals, people like me just get in the way. I honestly do not know why I feel this way, I have a supportive family, great friends, heading into junior year with sports to do and everything I should be happy, I should want to keep going, but I do not. I just do not see how life is going to be worth living in the future if I do not even want one. I do not want a future | Depression |
I am bored.. and tired.... I feel like a burden... like I do not entirely matter School is starting in about a month and I am not looking forward to it.. I am scared I will be seen as an embarrassment again. That I will be the laughing stock, the weird kid. The kid that cries in the corner.. I do not want people finding out about this.. possible depression either... I am just afraid on someone finding out and either belittling me because my problems are not as important as others... or worse changing how they act around me. Or telling my mom about it... she is suffered so much the past year... plus there is the financial problem.. she just.. cannot find out.... not now.... I am just not happy | Depression |
I feel lonely. I feel like the darkness around me gets tighter and tigher. I feel like the door gets more locks on it. I just feel like no one is ever here. I feel like no one truly cares because no one keeps up and everyone ignores me eventually. I also feel so bored. I feel unmotivated. I feel like nothing entertains me anymore. So much that I feel there is no true reason as to why I am still here. Like if there is nothing to do or fulfill, then what am I doing here? What is the point? Loneliness again. So bored that I feel hopeless | Depression |
i live at home and i love my parent but i m beginning to spiral after an incident month ago i ve been profoundly depressed and stressed out i wa renting but moved back home to save money while trying to get myself back in order especially because my med stopped working i m an only child and my parent have no friend so now that i m back home all they want to do is constantly talk to me i already have poor sleep a it is but it could be am and my dad will shake me awake to talk about a car or his work day or my mom will come in and talk to me about my finance or why i never talk to her about my mental health one time recently i had been woken up so abruptly i could feel my entire nervous system jolt like i had been struck by lighting even thinking about it make my entire body randomly hurt i never get to be alone anymore i try to get alone time but i never get it for more than a couple hour at an time bc of the sleep deprivation i hallucinate now i hear and see thing i honestly wish somthing would happen to me and it would just all end life s so stressful and the little thing aren t fun anymore i hate myself i hate everything i used to love nothing fun anymore what s the fucking point | Depression |
I am still depressed but I am overall improving. Ever since I overdosed on some pills I have finally found out why pills are the scariest thing you could die from. it is painless and takes up to 3 hours to kick in. Because it is painless, you are not aware when you are going to die, you just hope you are going to die. Now I am starting to feel wanted by other people. I sometimes feel like a burden to people, that feeling has not gone away. But I hope someday I will be as happy as a normal person. I just want people to know that saying you are going to take your life is a bad mindset, then actually attempting it is a darker place. You could feel alive or you could feel disappointed. Both are valid thoughts. I am having the feeling of wanting to drop everything again and give up. But because of one person, I am hanging by a single pathetic thread and they are the love of my life. Right now I am starting to come out of my she will and open up more. I just feel I am forcing myself to be an extrovert. Starting to feel better | Depression |
hey I am a 28 y/o nobody with no skills, no job, no s/o, and VERY rough family relations at this point. I am fat, I am ugly, and I am not particularly good at anything at all. I have been living with my parents for almost all my lief, save one year in university res in another town (a year I flunked hard because I could not even leave my room to go anywhere, let alone class). And yeah at this poitn, I really just see no discernible path to happiness for myself or anyone around me who still cares about what happens to me. I am 100% having a crisis moment I think but at the same time a moment of clarity. Everyone always says 'seek help' but seeking help does not always make anything easier. I have sought help a bunch of times now and I guess its had varying degrees of success but I always wind up back here. So. I mean if my life were a project or a save file on a game or if I were practicing a song or a dance or a play or anything like that I would 100% have marked it as a failure and reset ages ago. idk man. Seek help. Help is sought. did not help much. GG. I do not see any way out of this at this point | Depression |
After graduating from college in 2019 and being somewhat unemployed for the past 2 years, I feel I have forgotten majority of people I knew and I also feel like there are no new people that have been introduced in my life to fill that gap. This loneliness aches. I hope I find love soon and know what it feels like being alive. After each passing year, I am losing more and more people that I knew. | Depression |
because of ordinary shoe oloshi leleyi o depression co of ordinary nike sneaker if na lv or prada nko | Depression |
do not know whether this is the right place to ask but hear me out.So one of my friend(let us name him J), he been through quite a lot - mainly anxiety, depression, and insecurities. My other friend (let us name him P) reach out to our friend group and said J has been ghosting us. Which is true, J has been rarely responding us even tho we reach out him. He said hes been overthinking a lot, his anxiety has been rising, and he needs time alone. Cut off from social media and everything. I understand and comply with his wish.However, there is something that is been bothering me with what P said. P suggests we should distance him, and show disappointment and negative emotions towards him. P believes that if we comply with him, it will only make him take granted for what we are doing and become selfish. Basically what P wants is that he wants J to know his behavior are cowardly and disrespectful to people around him, and that he should not ghost, rather confront us.I do not know what to do. Should we just leave him alone and let him figure it out. Or we make him learn that he should not ghost, but by harsh approach. Taking initiative and confronting him is also possible, but I do not know the right timing. If you have any other approaches, Ill gratefully listen to it. Thanks in advanceOn a side note, Ps intentions are for Js benefit. But its just not clicking with me. I may be bias by I try my best not to antagonize P. I want to help my friend, but do not know what to do. | Depression |
I feel so so dumb. If it is something whether it be a story video game or an anime or a book, I just do not comprehend the story or plot. Ivdont know how to explain it, butnits like I am just looking at the current situation, and that is it. I am not putting together the story or the whole meaning of it all, my mind just does not get it unless I go over it many times. Am I just stupid or is this a depression trait? I can still enjoy some of these things but I usually do not know wtf I am watching or if it makes sense or if the plot makes sense but my brain just does not care. cannot follow plots or story at all | Depression |
i really struggle with depression and increadibly miserable thought about myself and what i do i also struggle with realising what i like or enjoy doing wearing watching etc in a few word i struggle with knowing my interest i feel no emotion for life at all i just see myself doing everyday stuff i need to survive a a human being do you have any suggestion on how i can help myself on speaking much better about myself and what i like sth to enjoy and be interested in like should i tell myself repetitively for instance i enjoy dancing rather than i just do it because i have to because some people say i do it beautifully but i m not sure about it or i don t feel good about it should i write down everyday sth like for instance i write well i read well i like writing i enjoy writing instead of i just write beacuse is needed at work because i have to people use to say i speak well in front of people but i just do it i don t feel anything it s known that depression steal u the joy of life and everyday existance it steal our curiosity in everything i leave everything because i feel no interest on it i just want to feel engaged in sth i m exhausted of not feeling anything good but i have no money for therapy atm can you help me thanks is advance | Depression |
i constantly feel like harming myself i scratch myself hit myself in the face and constantly think about suicide i need a therapist but have no insurance i can t afford it but need it why am i living if it s going to be this way i threw away all these metabolism drink because they are making me insane my heart beat so fast and i can t for my mental health drink them anymore i m and feel mentally ill | Depression |
it is not working. I love this dog. he is the best. But I still want to die right now and it is starting to get worse again. I have had him for almost a year and it is been equally hard on my anxiety, but I am slowly teetering on killing myself again even though I know he really loves me.I do not know what to do Got a dog to hedge against suicide | Depression |
0 gi depression | Depression |
Well no one will ever really know who I am but I am a guy who has struggled with chronic depression for pretty much all my life. I cannot remember when I was actually truly happy. It got worse and worse as I got older and started to get even more shitty experiences in life. Constantly reminded by women that I am unattractive or that I was not any girls type all my life that yea if every girl I have ever met thinks that then Ill probably never have a romantic relationship. All I have ever wanted was to finally meet a girl and for her to think I am worth it. But Ill never be good enough. I am a broken dude who has zero self esteem, I have no confidence, and I hate myself more than anyone ever could. Everyday I just stay in my room wishing I could be any other guy but me. I wish I had never been born, I wish that I could just disappear Ill never just accept myself when all my life I have heard how ugly and worthless I am. I am now 23 and no future I am a failure and I am fine with it I guess or at least Ill have to fake it for a bit, until I just decide to blow my brains out. Vent post | Depression |
skip to the end for my main point lol i m the worst overthinker i must think of all possible bad outcome so i can prepare myself for them obviously all it doe it cause extreme anxiety and exhaustion i m a big what if person and my what if s are always negative yay for catastrophic thinking when stressful thing happen my mind run nonstop it feel like a tornado in my head and i can t get a grip i can not sit with uncertainty and i feel like i need to solve issue right at this moment because i feel stuck so i write down my thought i really like the mantra of cross that bridge when you get to it in my current situation i keep telling myself that but a i wa writing my thought out i wrote something to add to that that is helpful to keep telling myself i just thought i d share in case it can help anyone else when i start thinking what if i try to stop myself and say i don t need that bridge yet i m still in traffic here s what i came up with you are building bridge to place you may not even go to and it s waisting energy you don t have to drive anywhere right now you re just in traffic right now traffic doesn t last forever even though it may seem like it eventually thing will get moving and you ll get to where you need to be if you come to a bridge you can decide if you want to cross it or go another way either way you choose you ll end up where you need to be | Depression |
My life has been the same for so long. I wake up I play games inside I go to bed. I am so so sick of this. Is this just going to be my life until I turn 18? Nobody around here is my age and I usually do not have anything to do outside but I cannot just keep doing this anymore. I am tired of being lazy, I am tired of staying inside, I am tired of not doing anything and being demotivated as hell. But I do not know what to do anymore. All I do is wait. Waiting for what exactly? You tell me I do not know what to do. | Depression |
I have always had bouts of depression and anxiety. I am on meds. For the past month, my first thought right when i open my eyes is death. Death as in disappointment at my life and another day. But when i seriously consider suicide i get even sadder at the thought of not being here anymore. As background, I am 42, female, ivy league educated, uses to be very pretty. In past 5 years, i feel I have progressively become more pathetic and useless. I only see aging, lonliness, sickness and struggles ahead. Whereas i used to live in a nice high rise, have friends, felt pretty etc now I have ganed 35lbs, my hairs thinned out, I am stuck living with my parents, after i moved here to help temporarily but now cannot get my shit together to move back to my homestate, have no friends, fertility is shot according to doc n will likely never have kids ever, i feel ugly snd i work a shitty contract job. Plus I have had horrible heartburn and nausea for weeks and meds are not working. I am in therapy but feels like i have a new setback each time i start to try to make progress .idk I am rambling. Sorry. I am just so sad, anxious and do not know what to do. Everything seems dark. My first thought each morning is death. Help. | Depression |
i cant take no more a knock come on my door i open it and oh farewell my sweet friend darkness fill the room but the flower will soon bloom it coming to an end farewell my sweet friend i dont care anymore nor i can take no more no way out of this farewell my sweet friend | Depression |
I am not really sure if this is normal or what, but literally all I can ever seem to think about is how useless I am. I think it is slowly making me go crazy, or something. I am already so insecure and all the people around me seem to be so much more intelligent than I am. I used to be smart, but around a few years ago, everything just started to feel less and less real, and so I just had much less incentive to care, and so less reasons to find things to think deeply about. Now, all I can think about is how much more everyone else around me has accomplished. I genuinely do not understand how people think normally on a day-to-day basis. Is this normal, and am I just making it a bigger deal than it actually is? Regardless of what I am doing, somehow I always find a way to feel terrible about myself about it. Like, for example, if I am watching a show, I will feel like I am not "enjoying it right", and that I am interpreting the show wrong and that I am not enjoying it in the same way everyone else is. I do not know if this is normal or not. I have been like this so long that I do not know anymore All I can think about 24/7 is how useless I am | Depression |
I was always told that mental illness is a long game. An attritional, inching game fought in intangible continents shifting around in your head. This still registers with me on some level, but its a quiet voice compared to all the noise around me. Despite so much good happening around me, I am unable to correctly process any of it. I feel broken, as if I have made no progress. Is there some painfully obvious advice I am not seeing? I know this is as painfully nonspecific as it gets, sorry. It feels like I take one step forwards, then a dozen back | Depression |
I am going to say I want advice, and I do, but this will really sound like a rant/vent lol. I have been struggling really bad with depression, anxiety and stress lately and I can feel myself getting worse every day and I cannot seem to break myself out of it. I ended a horrible, abusive marriage last fall; finalized in January of this year. I reconnected with an old junior high friend and we have been 'seeing eachother' for a few months now. it is not official, and we live 3 hours from eachother, so we do not get to see eachother often. The past few months, my job has been increasingly more stressful. Way more than what I feel is necessary for a medical Secretary. The professionals I work for are cruel and cold, and nothing is ever enough. The office management keeps piling work on us and tells us to just work overtime to get it done. they have taken our lunch breaks away, so most days I am stuck in my chair for 9-12 hours. My back hurts, my eyes hurt and I am constantly battling a headache. I am never good enough. The only reason I have left is that I am moving back to my home town in October, so I want to push through. I have also been with the company longer than most other secretaries, with more experience than them and they make more that me. Salty at that.Money is also so tight right now I had to cancel my health insurance and all of my extra benefits through work. But dealing with work, the weight gain, which is terrifying, missing my unofficial boyfriend and home, I also just found out that my ex-husband got remarried last week. there is a 6 month wait period in Missouri from divorce to remarry and he hit it on the nose. I am not sure what my feelings are about this, but it is weighing on me. I do not want to be with him. He cheated/lied about cheating, would gas light, and if I would ever stand my ground, I would get hit, then he would call the police and tell them I attacked him and started hitting myself 'to blame him'. I am so relieved to be out of that situation, but finding out that he got married again (to someone 15 years younger than him) really bothers me. Like I get the marriage was garbage, but to move on so quickly just floors me. I am not sure how long he is been with this girl, but since our divorce, he is had about 5 girlfriends, and she is the newest one. His last relationship ended mid May. I only know all this because our mutual friends find it necessary to tell me, which that is a whole ordeal on its own. I also still have to deal with him because of a joint loan for a car. He has the car, the title is in his name, but he refuses to refinance it to take my name off. I know I rambled on alot, but I just feel like every aspect of my life is crap right now and I cannot find a way to break myself out of this funk. I sleep more, have trouble getting up, and actually making myself look decent. I have no desire to work, workout, eat regularly or healthily and I do zero self care. I told myself last night that today would be different, and it was but for the worse. I woke up and called into work and went back to sleep for another 3 hours. Finally got up and had a protein shake and then made sure to get some veggies in with lunch, but I am so low on energy, I feel like I am slipping away. I have not had any kind of suicidal or self harm thoughts, just extreme thoughts of worthlessness.Anyone experience anything similar or have thoughts to help break out of this funk? Currently Struggling | Depression |
I do not even know where to start.. Or even what to say, I am that overwhelmed by what I have been feeling the past 2 weeks, I am at my lowest point I have ever been, cannot go 10 minutes without crying, cannot get out of bed, cannot sleep (averaging 2-3 hours a day, with sedatives from my psychiatrist), I just want this damn pain to end, I cannot keep living like this, I do not have the power to keep putting that damn fake smile on, and there is not one person I have in my whole life I can talk to about this, they do not understand how frustrating and agonizing it is living like this, and the only person that made me fell wanted, ever, does not want anything to do with me anymore, and I do not blame her, I am too much even for myself, I should not even try to be in a relationship, I am not well enough, or at all, and after countless therapy sessions and pills, I do not think I will ever be.I do not want to end it, but living like this.. Man.. I do not wish this on my worst enemy Wish this would end | Depression |
without absolutely any context of myself i will disclose when my depressive episode come about and these feel pretty major and intense when they do they feel and seem to get harder and harder literally a the year go by we who struggle with depression are very tough because i feel like i barely scrape through each and every time but it is becoming harder to bare and hold on and i worry for myself in the future do any of you with depression feel like your episode or however you describe it get harder and harder to bare when it come about amp x 00b it an expression of interest curiosity | Depression |
i try to play video game but just quit immediately and the same thing happens with my guitar i just can t do either one | Depression |
let me start by saying i am in the same boat a all of you i wish i could help you all but i can t sadly about me when i wa 9 something clicked and i started to view the world a a negative place the realization of not being able to form genuine friendship my friend dying and my father not really being there for u this sent me into a depression which i am still in today i won t lie i think about suicide quite often but i control myself by distracting myself with other activity instead of letting the thought get to me all they are are thought and they have become a coping mechanism i have gone through a few therapist and psychiatrist too although i stopped my ssri and adhd med when i wa i then became quite angry knowing there is no escape the day blended together day after day rotting away i became angry with myself and others and became very angry at others and closed minded in no way am i telling you to do anything i wa in a funk this winter and a friend of mine happened to have a gel tab of lsd and i asked to buy it later that night i took it and hopped on discord with a good friend of mine who also ha some of the same stuff going on a me and ha done mushroom so we relate well it wa unexplained the most beautiful feeling i have ever felt to explain it for someone who hasn t done psychedelics it the feeling that you are part of a bigger picture and that every moment ha lead up to this you are loved i am you and you are me i am still having a hard time putting it into word i laughed the hardest i had ever laughed and then realized what life is and started to get in my feeling and cry i cried for a while and hard too and then i thought the situation wa funny and started laughing again because i know wherever i end up i will make it and that life is such a beautiful thing not to be wasted or taken for granted i then went on to trip more time on lsd and twice on mushroom i am not saying go do psychedelics but for me they have done more than ssri ever did for me in the course of a night the feeling of having a clear place in the universe and being able to question with such a reduced sense of fear is amazing the feeling of going with the flow and seeing where life take you is a liberating feeling we were put here to love one another not kill ourselves and waste potential here are my final thought do your research before doing any psychedelic because if you take ssri it could mess you up real bad also i truly believe psychedelics are the way of the way of the future i still have depression yet it is a lot easier to cope with and feel a sense of calmness instead of absolute terror about whatever you are facing know that whatever is bringing you down i love you and the universe doe too you were put here to serve a a part of a much bigger picture just a small piece of a puzzle learn to love yourselves and others and peace will come to you in all aspect of life | Depression |
The person who smiles at you and tells you how great their life is, probably feels similar to you. Many people experience sexual, verbal or physical abuse. The person you are so jealous of could be a day away from suicide. I cannot promise anyone here anything, but you might as well post your story here. If no one replies, they are probably in a similar situation and scared to give you advice.Many people who commit suicide immediately regret it and try to save themselves. This is why it is so difficult to drown yourself because your body literally will fight your brain about killing yourself. Not to mention the fact that people end up mentally retarded or other physically handicaps from suicide. it is NOT THE ANSWER!!!!! if you are reading this DO NOT COMMIT SUICIDE. | Depression |
So let me first start by saying this I am grateful for what I have and I know that there are people that have less than me that have nothing and have already lost their lives. And I really wish that all of that factual evidence depleted every ounce of sadness and depression and anger that I have built up in my body and soul. I am a 21-year-old black girl from European dissent I have three brothers and one sister. I am blessed enough to live in a two parent household with parents that guide and watch over me very closely. At nature I try to believe that I have a very strong personality and that I am a very strong person. But in the past couple of months I have never felt more of an urge to be suicidal or because harm to myself then I have in the past two years. From 19 to 21 has been a absolute horror. I have gone through so much emotional stress I am pretty sure that I am clinically depressed I have been dealing with it on my own for a very long time now. I know my mindset is very dangerous I am such a talented and strong and smart individual I often times get disappointed with myself for wanting to end my life. But my depression and sadness is so overwhelming at times no matter what people say things never get better. Not to mention my family does not necessarily see the reasons for my distress. So fixated on my ever gleaming future they seem to forget that I have been sitting in the same spot for the past two years depressed lonely I always wondered what it would be like to have sleeping problems but I guess now I know. If this is hard now why would I want to continue life so it can get harder I train physically to try and give myself something to focus on and now that is not even enough I am being ridiculed for being too muscular I cannot find a boyfriend because I am too intimidating and lonely I have no friends well none that are genuine anyway and that upsets me because I am a genuine person and they say the remedy to all of this is time but I do not want to wait any longer. I do not think I can Last straw | Depression |
Idk how to start this but I am 19 and I have been depressed since about 14-15. I thought it was just a phase, but I got a plumbing job which is what I went college for and wanted to do since I left school and the depression never went away, they ended up letting me go of the job which did not help. My whole family knows about my depression, but they do not know how bad it is, should I tell them or try and figure it out on my own? I am also in the process of also quitting weed, how much will this help my depression? The doctors have tried putting me on anti depressants but I said no, should I take them? Sorry for all the questions. Help????? I have no idea what to do | Depression |
i have booked a greyhound bus to go to Dallas, Texas next month so i can easily get another bus ticket next month to go to fresno, california so i can be with my boyfriend next month which i plan on staying with him because he wants to see me and i do too. the only problem is where i would stay out in dallas, texas because i am traveling from atlanta, georgia to get to dallas texas because i don;t know anybody or how much a hotel will cost. i plan on taking another bus to get from dallas, texas to go to dallas texas but the only thing is i do not know what it means when it says change buses because i do not know if getting on the next bus will take me to where i need to be because i hate to get lost is why my mom wish i had someone with me in case i get lost but also that i would be safe. the only way i can get from my city in georgia to get to Atlanta, Georgia is to take a lyft because i have no family, friends or no way of getting there so i have to do what i go to do. i wish i had help for real which i will not when i get to dallas, texas because i am a special needs person so i have a hard time understanding, comprehending very well and when it comes to asking questions i am afraid of me sounding weird or it coming out stupid because i am a very anxious and shy person which is why it is hard for me to do some things on my own or when it comes to asking for help or the thought if i had to transfer 2 or 3 times will make it hard because if i get lost i will end up getting very anxious, start panicking and crying which is why i took one bus at a time which is one to get to atlanta, georgia to dallas texas and then buy another ticket when i get there to get me to fresno, california but 1 transfer seems alot easy so i do not get confused because i do not know if they will tell me when or if i have to transfer ot not because i have a hard time with things because i am a slow learner. I wish I can make a friend before going to Dallas, Texas before then so that way I will have help or will not get lost because I am thinking of buying another Bus ticket to get from dallas, Texas to Fresno California to see my boyfriend but I do not think I can afford a hotel and bus too but also do not feel safe having my phone out in public with people around that something bad can happen because it is just too much transferring which will get me confusing and lost! I hope everything works out so I would need everyone is support! I got to figure out about where to stay when I get to dallas, Texas the 4th of august and I have a suitcase so I hope I can bring that on there to take on the bus but if everything works out I will put a update on here! I have high anxiety right now doing this but I got to somehow do what is right! I really miss my boyfriend and I hope I can be with him is the reason I am always depressed, anxious and he really wants me there so I make sure I can do everything I can to go be with him and I really have no friends that is going to help get me to him so I had to think of something but the think when I get to Texas I feel I cannot afford a hotel but also a bus from Dallas, Texas to Fresno California because I have no long distance friends from anywhere like that who could possibly follow things through with me to help me so I do not get lost! I have been in a long distance relationship with him for a while now and I am hoping I can get to him I just want to cry right now because my anxiety and depression is going through the roof, I overthink a lot and I just feel alone where I have no friends or nobody but a part of me does not know how to start a conversation or good with words is why I feel nobody sticks around because I am way too anxious and shy but I am afraid of being ghosted and hurt is all I get but it would be better if I was there with my boyfriend! I am not okay, things have been hard, struggling and I just feel alone | Depression |
I have not had any goals in life since I was a kid. I have worked low-level jobs just to pay the bills and after high school have not gone to school. Every day I wake up thinking what is the point to get up and go to work just to stay alive when in fact I just want to die and never work towards anything. Well that all changed a while ago. After months of sick leave I went back to work and at first I thought I will just work so maybe one day I will afford to get an education in a field I am interested in. I am not into anything really so that thought went down the drain. Then I thought that I have always wanted to travel to the Northern parts of Norway and Sweden but never had the time, energy nor money. I realized I do not have any occupations besides work and my mental health. So, I decided that I will work my ass of as well as I manage to save some money so that next summer I will be able to take a four week trip to North. it is not going to be easy but at least, for the first time in years, I have some type of a goal and a reason to get up and go to work. I came up with a goal first time in years | Depression |
I have no idea why. No meds, no therapy and no changes to the circumstances of my life. Nothing at all is different, except that I do not feel like complete shit. I do not feel happy, but I do not feel miserable either. I have not felt this way since early middle school. I am sure I will be back on my bullshit soon enough, but I am going to use this time to clean my house. I actually feel okay today | Depression |
the nd account is suspended tho let them rejoice depression is eating them all up | Depression |
My husband and I have been seperated 2 years. Last night he told me we are not getting back together and that he is moving in with his new girlfriend. I cannot believe I am holding up as well as I am today because I have been depressed about his behavior for the last 2 months. I do not have alot of friends anymore and I am not sure how to make new ones. I am a 51 yr old female. I am staying with my parent's right now, but I am so lonely. My Mom has gotten sick and she is not getting any better. I force myself to keep going everyday and I am seeing a counselor but the sadness is still there. Any suggestions ? Seperated | Depression |
I have been dealing with depression from my teenage years and got prescribed medication when I was 12. I was living with my grandma at that point and she thought I was tricking the doctor and was proud of me for doing such a good job at appearing sad. I was not faking it. My family were never big on mental health and its only recently that I got to discuss it with my mom. I am in college now and have been going to therapy for the past 2 years. Therapy is fine. I mostly attended the sessions when I was not having an episode, so basically, I have not attended one in the past 6 months. I mentioned how I started being more open with my mother about how I was feeling, she helped me pay for a trip to visit a friend. I was there for a month, helped a lot. I was ok for the two weeks after I got home and now- Its back to square 0. I feel ungrateful. I had a chaotic childhood growing up and it made sense how I was feeling then. It does not make sense how I am feeling now. I am surrounded by people I care for and doing the job I love, studying the shit I could give my life for. But instead- I waste my time, either eating or sleeping because they are the only two things I have energy for. Getting off my bed to go play a f- videogame is the highlight of my day. I have friends inviting me to go out, but looking at myself in the mirror, I do not think anyone should see me at this point. I cannot see myself, so why do I expect others. This is not how people know me. I am a workaholic. I am an extrovert. The friendly person that cleans up, helps, and does shit to make my mom proud. Right now, I am just an ungrateful, disappointment of a child. This has been written after two hours of banging my head against any surface, crying for someone to make it stop. I feel like a disappointment | Depression |
from all the anxiety and depression that i overcame here s the essential lesson that i got in the end i only got my back | Depression |
I wake up feeling sickly this morning, there is this constant feeling that I am about to have emotional breakdown. I have to go hide in my bedroom for few minutes just so I can cry but I cannot cry. I feel emotionally constipated. My children are around and I do not want them to see me crying. I do not know what is going on with me. Honestly I have never felt like this before. If I do not distract myself I can feel my heartbeat increase, I am scared of having a panic attack. I was having a bath the other night and I had this though what if I had heart attach and drowned and my children had to find me the next morning. I could not relax after that and got out. I have these thoughts all the time. sometimes I have thoughts of my children being murdered or assaulted as soon as I am about to fall a sleep. oh sleep I have not been able to sleep for a long time. I feel soo alone today, I cannot call my family or friends. What do I even say to them, how do I explain what I do not understand. I am really hurting today. I am hurting | Depression |
I have been struggling with my mental health for a few years, and have made very little headway in finding a way out. I suspect it is more complex than simply depression, however I am continually being let down by the NHS mental healthcare and am prepared to go private. I have decided it would be appropriate to acquire a diagnosis so I can try to undergo therapy or medication that may be more suitable to whatever it is I am dealing with. Could anyone recommend any good psychiatrists or anyone else who is trained to diagnose mental health conditions in the East Midlands area of the UK? Good psychiatrists in the UK, East Midlands | Depression |
I was stupid to believe going to the doctors would help. I was stupid to believe medication would help. I am still me. No amount of medication or counselling will ever change that. I do not know what my purpose is on this earth. I cannot hold down a job. No friends. Most of my family cannot stand me. I have felt this way from a young age and I am now 25, it is never ending. I have never really reached out for help before but I was scared that I was getting close to ending my life. it is all I was thinking of. I am told I will have to wait two years for counselling. The medication has done nothing but put two stone of weight on me so now I feel even more crap about myself. I am in a dark hole and only I can pull myself out. It gets harder to pull myself out each time I fall. I wanted to try putting my thoughts out there instead of bottling them in like I always do. To anyone else out there struggling, you are not alone, even though I know it feels like that sometimes. you are not alone.PS sorry if any of this is against the rules, this is my first post. Also sorry for bad grammar, I never finished school because of this stupid disease. I was stupid to believe it would help | Depression |
First time in months. Normally I avoid the scale because it messes with my head but in this case not keeping on top of my intake and lack of fucking exercise means I gained back what little I lost. Yet again, destined to be fat. No wonder no one wants me. Weighed in today | Depression |
mother depression arc | Depression |
that is what you get for opening to someone I guess. Friend told me that if i wanst crying little pussy I would feel better. | Depression |
ispahanjahane la psychologue dupont marie estelle a trait ce sujet sans oublier la d pression le id e noires | Depression |
Will it ever get better? Will i ever be cured or at least manage it to the point it is a background thing?I have been to therapy several times and taken different medications. This depression originated from things that have happened in my past, as i suffered a lot growing up in several different ways. Some of those things still affect me today, will i ever just get over the past?There have been periods I have felt better (but still depressed), however i always seem to go back to my same old miserable state.Nowadays I am in my 20s and my life is not even that bad, things have changed a lot for the better, but my brain does not seem to care about that.Is this a sign I am destined to be this way forever? Has anyone here been depressed for over 10 years and had things get better for them? I have had severe depression for over a decade, will I ever be cured? | Depression |
Internally induced vs externally induced depression?
This is a pretty ignorant question but is there a distinction between internally induced and externally induced depression?
For instance internally would be those cases where your neurochemicals just betray you, you're moving through life just fine then suddenly you're bedridden with catatonic depression and only after being heavily medicated can you function.
Externally would be a concatenation of failures or disappointments or miseries which blacken your view of humanity and existence itself to the point that you no longer see the good in people or the joy in experiences and eventually an reach a point where you're also dysfunctional and need to be medicated.
Has anyone experienced the former? | Depression |
i m a y o man who is extremely active and an amateur power lifter i wa getting very strong in the gym and i looked forward to it everyday i had an incident with a crazy strong panic attack last december and i wa out of the gym for month while they did test on my heart just to rule out that it wasn t anything serious i ve been back in the gym for a while now and i m getting my strength back but the anxiety isn t going away at all i ve started heavily focusing on my heartbeat and when it go up i freak obviously in the gym this will happen but i keep associating it with a medical emergency any advice on how to help get over this so i can get back to the pastime i love in full force | Depression |
A year ago, I used to talk to people and express myself pretty easily, and whenever Id say something the words would not feel fake, or they would mean what I would say. But ever since school started, last year I have become a husk of what i used to be, I cannot really motivate myself to do anything at all, especially communicate with others, I used to have an urge to talk to others and try to be funny, but it feels like I lost all of that, I feel hollow constantly, and I do not have any personality anymore, whenever I am on call with someone it feels like I am just pretending to be an interesting person, and when I run out of things to say, my mind is empty, and I just sit on call in silence, trying to desperately think of something interesting to say or hold onto. I am talking to this girl and I feel like she is losing interest because of my nonexistent communication skills and its hurting me a lot, I have lost my personality pretty much, I feel like a robot or something trying to imitate a human. Please anyone with advice I need it I feel like I have lost my personality, and I cannot communicate like I used to | Depression |
Feel like a loser because of how broke I am at almost 30 years old I'm 28 right now and I graduated from college in the Fall 2017 with a bachelors degree in psychology and after realizing I wasn't going to do much with that degree as I've completely lost interest in that field. Since 2018, I have been working as a part-time student advisor making less than $20k annually as I was very undecided about the direction my life was going to go and it was like this for 2 years until I decided to return to college to take prerequisite courses for graduate school so that I can get into a data science graduate program.
I'm currently in my program right now and I have been keeping a 4.0 GPA and this gives me a lot of hope but I've noticed that some of my friends (including my love interest) make much more money than I do and have their own places. My love interest told me that I will eventually get out of my situation and we still had very passionate sex when I last visited him and we exchanged our gratitudes for each.
But its like, I'm very disappointed at myself for allowing myself to be where I am today. If I had known from the beginning just how much my socioeconomic status would affect my prospective friendships/relationships, I would have taken things more seriously and considered a field that was more lucrative when I was an undergrad. | Depression |
Okay so I have been feeling down for a long time. Each day is a battle. People around me think I am doing okay and each time I reach out to my friends, they end up comparing my problems to others who are even less fortunate. that is not how it works tho, its a bad idea to compare peoples problems, it makes one feel unheard and neglected.Anywho, I feel like I am tired with life, some people are fighters, good for them, some are just losers like me who call it a life when thrown dilemmas and difficulties at. Its not like my problems are not solvable, its just that I am in a bad position rn and I do not think I can deal with this for the next 60-70 years of my life. I am in huge student debt (about to be, I am 18), my startup is going to fail probably (yet again because no one wants to invest in anything that does not inspire confidence), my love life is a dry land because I never have enough time and when I do, I just deal with disappointments. I am sorry if this got drifted away from the title.So yes, the title, I have planned the next step once and for all, I am not doing it yet, I do not want to do it in the vicinity of my parents, my plan is to do it when I move to uni soon, a place where I am far away from anyone I ever knew. I have written a detailed note on why I am doing it and okay yes I know these problems can be solved, I am not a total dummy, its just that I have lost the will for everything. Everything. I do not want to deal with an ounce of the life I have apparently been blessed with.Even if I seek more help aggressively to prevent my decision, its going to delay it but I have been at it for years since I was probably 15 or 16 so yes if not now then in the near future I am going to do it. I am not doing any of that to garner attention. Hell Id be happy if people thought I just disappeared but that would be rude to leave without at least a note.Just wanted to get this out. I am not expecting any type of comments nor looking for feedback, just sharing. I wrote the note | Depression |
i don t want to fight cause i know that won t work and i also know it s odd because they touch my poofy big curly hair probably because i m a guy and also when i sneeze they laugh and stuff and just say stuff like oh covid kid with the lion mane is spreading covid when in reality it s just my severe allergy | Depression |
long story short someone made fun of someone s stutter in front of me cause they weren t aware i have a stutter it s mostly related to anxiety after that i kept asking myself how do i know who i can trust and in that time i told myself i felt crazy for thinking this way i told myself everybody can be made fun of for different aspect of their life and most people won t even bat an eye i wa going about my day until someone on my post said they thought this way and it led them to be paranoid and go psychotic this is my biggest fear and after reading that i almost had a panic attack and it took me 0 0 minute to calm down ever since then i can t shake this thought i realized tho the reason i think everyone care i stutter is because i m looking through my perspective not theirs i realized i wa treating my stutter a my identity and not an aspect of me if someone make a lighthearted joke about it depending on how they say it it could just be a joke and not devaluing me a a person realizing this actually make me feel like a huge weight ha been lifted off of myself but it freak me out cause i also heard before people lose touch with reality they feel great but now that i found a way out of this thought that ocd ha attached itself to it s still going over scenario that never even happened or will happen going over certain people and i m asking myself would they make fun of your stutter in this scenario i m afraid it s because i m paranoid but i think it s cause ocd is trying to keep a grip on this fear it s le of a fear people are making fun of me now and more of a fear of believing they re making fun of me doe this mean i m going crazy since the original thought didn t start a an ocd obsession | Depression |
Got diagnosed with depression today Wtf am I supposed to do now? | Depression |
Hey musketeers ! I have been suffering from severe depression from past 3 years . I got excited to see Elon musk's neuralink developing technology that could cure mental illness. I would like to discuss whether do you think this is possible. In depression , the left prefrontal cortex is underactive. If neuralink device could stimulate left brain and repeatedly do it , then remission from depression could be achieved . Do you all think this could cure severe depression ? Neuralink and Depression | Depression |
Hey everyone. I am currently 21 and was diagnosed with GAD and PTSD about 2 years ago. that is just from my therapist after about 2 months of sessions. I am never really able to open up to people, especially those with some type of authority or the people you are supposed to trust. I never mentioned all of my trauma because I feel like I am not really ready to deal with it. The important people I opened up to refuse believe me and think I am lying or exaggerating. I am not a liar though, my abuser lied to my parents about me and they believed him because he was the adult in charge (he was a coach). Even to this day they see how much has come out about him and they refuse to believe anything serious happened (I think its their own guilt so I get it but still). Nobody took the time to actually see me and try to help before I became an adult. I have a lot of depression, anxiety, social anxiety, PTSD. I do not really know if there is more but there is this feeling that there is just because its hard to open up about pain, trauma, or even when a doctor asks questions like have you been feeling down or anxious. I have no idea how to answer that other than not much more than normal.Is there any way I can get a gauge on my feelings or being able to more accurately describe my feelings for a realistic picture on my mental health. Not knowing about my mental health sucks, especially when its hard to pen up to the people you are supposed to. | Depression |
I used to be okay. That is until I got hooked to anti-anxiety medication. Benzodiazepine withdrawal has changed the course of my life.Nowadays I see the world differently. I used to feel part of it. I used to feel like I had a place here. Lately I have felt like an outsider. Like I do not belong. I see people with their morning routines and just think I wish I had some structure like them. I do not have structure. I feel like an alien. Every single person I know has some sort of structure. I do not. I went from feeling like water inside a cup, to water being thrown out onto the street. My life was okay on Benzos. I could function without much anxiety. But I saw the writing on the wall. I was addicted to them. I could not do much without them, but when I was on them I was carefree, risk-taking and relatively happy. A lot of good happened in my life. I got married, was doing well at work and finally felt free from my anxiety. Something Id dealt with since I was young. From ages 24-28, I was under the influence of Xanax or Klonopin. Little did I know, with every dose, I was screwing my brain up. With ever-increasing dosages, my doctor eventually stopped prescribing them - after 3 1/2 years. I was at a high dose of 4mg Klonopin. Early this year is when my life was turned upside down when my prescription was cut off. I did not think much of it. Until a few days later when my body started shaking and I got violently sick. I did not know what was happening, neither did my wife. I started googling benzo withdrawal and found this subreddit and concluded that it was in fact the klonopin. 6 months later, I am at a lower dose (.5mg). I should feel accomplished. I should feel like I am making progress, but in fact I feel defeated. I am so tired. I am so worn out. I barely sleep and I am anxious all day. I am terrified of the real world. I have zero confidence in myself. I feel like a total loser. I could cry ever single day. I do not know what is wrong with me. If I had known that Id suffer this way due to Klonopin, I would have told the doctor to shove it down his own throat. This has taken my dignity, my will to continue and my confidence for the future. I do not know what to think anymore. So very confused | Depression |
I do not want to die anymore but I cannot keep living like this. I just want the pain to go away. I cannot keep going | Depression |
im so tired of being alive and experiencing thing in general nothing is fun i suffer non stop and i feel like people that try to get rid of me are following me what s the point to live when i m only going to encounter these people everywhere and work a hour job just to go home and sleep i feel like the only reason people want me to stay alive is so that i can be put to use for them i have 00g of sn and antiemetic maybe i will put them to use tomorrow sometimes i wish i could just hire a killer to do the job for me | Depression |
hi i never went to counselor or therapist i don t know how to find decent counselor and what would be the cost hr cost what ever per session cost i stay in u colorado centennial this is for anxiety issue i know i can google and find but a i don t have any experience i am unable to judge the price etc i am looking for low price and good counselor thanks | Depression |
i emailed my teacher a few week ago because we had a speech coming up so i emailed her ahead of time i explained that i have an anxiety disorder gad and that speaking in front of a class is not something i am able to do because of really bad anxiety attack and also i lose the ability to speak so yeah i asked if there wa any way i could still get point without having to do the speech in front of the class she asked if we could do it just u together a in i present it to just her at lunch i agreed but now i regret it my speech is tomorrow and i m freaking out even over just saying my speech to just her i don t think i can do it but it would look bad if i email her saying i ll just take the zero instead right | Depression |
And it did not even feel genuine. I want to cry, like, really bad. I just want to cry. I want to be able to express myself, but there is no one else to express myself to. So lonely.I started working out recently, and have been trying to find motivation through doing so. I get through everything but at the end I just feel a wave of dissatisfaction. Why? Like, cannot I just feel something other than disappointment and self-hatred for once. I think this passing few months my mental health has taken a nosedive. I have thought about ways to kill myself and I have planned out scenarios in my mind in intricate details I never thought I would be able to. I am too scared to go through with any of them because I do not want to make my parents sad, but if I died right here right now of some freak accident out of my control I am down for it. Yeah, last time I cried I remember it was not even tears rolling down the eyes. It was not genuine. It was more sympathy than anything. This sucks, I think I can change sometimes but I never do. Nothing has changed for the better these past 3 years. The only time I cried was 4 years ago | Depression |
i used to enjoy posting and just interacting with people but now i can t bring myself to open it up it s just awful seeing post and post of people just living while i m just existing stagnant it all feel so counterfeit | Depression |
My mum and me had a physical fight/argument last night and I'm scared Throw away account for this. Myself M15 almost turning 16 had a fight with my mum yesterday and it got physical. I can't exactly remember who hit first but it got to the point that hands were on one another and spitting was involved. My mum had been charged 50 dollars for something on her credit card and I had asked her to buy something for 10 dollars. It turns out the currency was off on the thing I wanted to purchase. She then bought it up to me and to me it seemed like she was yelling. I have always been quite sensitive to yelling and I always take it really personally. After we had the conversation, mid way through I went to my room and locked it so I could breath because I was really stressed out. She then came from the living room into my room, bashing the door open and breaking my lock, breaking my door as well, it fell of the hinge. She came into my room while I was crying and was yelling at me. I told her to get out with swearing involved because I was really stressed out and upset. She then wouldn't and she kept getting right up into my face as if she was going to start throwing hands at me. I then was starting to involve talks of myself going to hurt myself, she then said that she doesn't know what I was on about and got really defensive. I then said can you just give me 5 minutes to breath and then I will come speak with her, after going back and forward for about 15 minutes she finally left me alone and I shut my door and dragged my dresser in front of it. I then had a full on panic attack for a solid 15 minutes and I could barely breath and I was smacking my head onto my wall and on my desk. She then came back to my room after she had sit in the lounge and listen to it all happen while she was sitting there watching TV. She came back and was back into a calm state herself which is quite a normal thing for her and she came in my room and comforted me. I kept breaking into tears while she was talking to my cat. After the situation she calmed me down after about 30 minutes of a continued panic attack.
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Today I feel really scared still, although she said that she was sorry for it. I still feel really scared to be around her and I feel really sick after she spat on me and I am hurting still really bad after she hit me.
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I am currently on Setrona, anti-depressant, and I have been diagnosed with depression and I also have an anxiety disorder. I also have really bad trust issues and this has really ruined my trust with her. I am absolutely shattered and I have no idea what to do. | Depression |
Everyone I love is gone, stuck in a bullshit job. Nothing that I really want to do with my life. I have always been a giver and love to take care of others but there is no one left to need me. Bills and life are so expensive and once I pay them I just have to pay them all over again. I can buy a handgun or a shotgun and just have it all be over but I cannot decide. What do you do when you have nothing to live for? | Depression |
I just want to get high forever. I am a she will of a person. Fuck this shit | Depression |
I'm suicidal How to deal with depression? I am an engineering student and we are a poor family. We are not financially stable. And I am failing my class. I always do my best and still fail. I don't have a healthy relationship with my family. I feel like my parents doesn't love/want me to he their child. Everyone keeps on leaving me. I don't have anyone to vent out. I don't have friends in school since I am an irregular student. The girl I love just ghosted me today. I don't have anybody right now. These past few days has been rough (all my life has been rough) and coz of that I've been always thinking of ending my life. All I have is myself. And I want to end my suffering. I've been dealing with this with all my life. I just celebrated my birthday last friday and it's the first time I celebrated my bday since I'm thinking that it's my last and I just wanna have fun, but during my bday, I lost my friends and I lost my girl. So yea, I just want to end my life right now. I don't know how to cope with this :> | Depression |
what if i die hel think it his fault | Depression |
I was doing well for a couple months but recently I got hit with another wave of depression. At first I was able to keep up with personal hygiene, but now I either do not have the energy or just do not care enough to take care of myself. Are there any tips to help motivation towards these basic needs because I am really struggling to keep up with them. Keeping up with hygiene | Depression |
this doesnt feel real anymore i dont feel like myself everything is the absolute worst it can be and it just doesnt feel right to be alive i feel like im in a coma or a dream and i ll just wake up when this is all over i just want that to happen a soon a possible | Depression |
To start off,I am a 25 m who lives in small town USA. I have been feeling more depressed here lately,struggles with my wife have driven me to either divorce or suicide. I have always contemplated both and now I do not know what to do. I just came back from a vacation where I completely lost it and said I was done. When we get home I want a divorce. My whole family turned on me and now I feel awful about the way I feel. I do not know anymore.. | Depression |
My psychologist lie to me during rehab and told my these pills will not make me gain wait I went from 140 to 265 took me five years to get to 188-185 my body was so messed up on anti depressants. Now I have gain what ITold her countless times and she said it would not yet she gave me a pill that has the most weight gain. Like why lie and make me feel more shitty than I already feel when it comes to my body . Feeling some and insecure | Depression |
depression is not a joke damn bangon pre | Depression |
Support and advice greatly needed (26 year old female) sorry for the long post… I’ve been on anti depressants for about the last 12 years of my life. I was always on 100 mg zoloft & then switched to 20 mg lexapro in 2018, but went off of them for about 6 months in 2021 to try to live without them. At the end of those 6 months I started to get dizzy more often & have what I can only describe as uncontrollable thoughts. Not suicidal or thoughts of harming anyone, but I just did not feel in control of my emotions and I felt like I was gonna lose my mind lol & very depressed. So I got back on lexapro 20 mg & after a few months I started to feel average at best but better than before. August 2022 I started to get brain zaps/dizziness every day for over a month so I went to a new psychiatrist and got back on Zoloft 50 mg to start. I worked my way up to 75mg & started to feel a lottttt better, but in December my dad died and I was extremely close to him so that obviously set me back. I went up to 100 mg around Feb 2023 and have been having issues ever since. Very dizzy, lots of anxiety & panic attacks, and the weird uncontrollable emotions/thoughts and always feeling on the brink of a panic attack have been happening since. It gets A LOT worse at night and that’s when most of my issues arise.
Within the last 6 months I’ve seen an ear doctor to make sure I didn’t have inner ear issues causing dizziness, an eye exam (I got a small prescription mostly for being on my phone/computer or reading), and I got an MRI done and saw a neurologist. All has always come back normal so I’m thinking it’s a medication issue or lack of something. I’m mostly looking for advice or comfort to make me feel better since I’m not doing well lol. Thanks for reading ❤️ | Depression |
I have been planning to disappear soon but i found out my ex got engaged and I do not want people to think i did it because of that. cannot go | Depression |
I am not sure if I am living anymore or just taking up space. I wish I could find a purpose. Something... Anything to give myself a meaning to being alive. I know I should not be thinking such dark thoughts but I cannot help it anymore. Just let me drown for once. Let me fall apart. Stop caring for me just because I do not seem ok anymore. Truth is I have not been for a while. I have been holding onto every last thread within reach. I am TRYING TRUST ME I AM. but it hurts to breathe... do not you get it? IT HURTS.... so fking badly.... can someone just... pls ... hold me... bc i cannot anymore... floating. | Depression |
I have no one and it sucksLike everything is just so shit like I can never find anyone to talk to because I am so awkward and useless. Like I want to talk to someone but the one person I want to talk to I think just hates me and does not care like everyone.Idk why I am even posting this I have no one | Depression |
i have felt so depressed for year now im only and i ve been through a lot but who hasn t i m just a weak person that can t get over my issue the only thing i m good at is hurting people therapy will never help me because i am never going to change i m a terrible fucking person and i hate myself more than anything it feel like my life is never going to get better and i know that i will never deserve happiness but i feel like i ll truly be happy once i take my last breath | Depression |
I have been struggling with depression for 8 years now. I used to be worse, where I would cut myself and it even got to the point where I was ready to kill myself. I had the pills ready. (Sorry if reading about self-harm or suicide upsets anyone.) Anyways. I actually was able to lift myself out of everything for a while, I got a boyfriend and I am still with him, it is been nearly 3 years now. I have just started university and here I am again, I have been resisting the urge to drink myself blind, cut myself, or even kill myself. I have become a boring, negative loser. My 2 friends are worried about me, I can tell, but I am pushing them away. Why am I pushing them away? I have no idea. I am lashing out at them whenever they ask me if I am alright. I have even gone back to putting up fake happiness in front of my boyfriend so he does not suspect a thing. I do not think he will suspect a thing. Just last night we were talking and his replies were "yeah", "okay", "mmm". he is just a lazy replier but it does not help with my new wave, if that is what you can call it, of depression that is just hitting me. I asked him if I was boring him and he said sort of. Somehow I convinced myself that he was holding back on going nuts about how boring I am. Then I began to think, 'he must think I am extremely boring, my friends do too but they feel obligated to check on me since I am always checking on them.' I feel like such a damn burden, I have been crying myself to sleep. The moment my head hits the pillow, I finally feel relaxed. Even typing this I just have a disgusting lump in my throat that I cannot get rid of. I just do not know what to do. I do not open up to people when I have my own issues, but I am always ready to hear their issues. I only feel alright about putting this on reddit because I do not know you guys; and maybe some of you will understand how I feel? What should I do? it is getting worse everyday and I am scared I will resort to cutting again, or worse. Sorry btw, if this is all over the place. My mind is in shambles. I do not know what to do | Depression |
This shit always be coming in waves. One day I feel happy and I think, there was absolutely nothing wrong with me lol I was so dramatic, and boom comes the weeks of depression and being angry with everything and everyone. Being out of control with my emotions but feeling empty and numb at the same time. I cannot sleep, and then I cannot wake up. When I finally fall asleep I can stay there forever. When I am down, I do not WANT to get better. I roll my eyes at all that you need to be POSITIVE, its a mindset crap. I do not care. But when I am okay, I am advocating for that and motivated to improve my life. I think I am constantly in the middle of self improvement and self destruction. I do not want to go out anymore or see other people, and sometimes I feel all the relationships I have around me are all fake. My friends probably secretly hate me and look down on me. My boyfriend probably thinks those girls in porn are much prettier and better than me. I am the failure of the family with no good career, money, or knowledge of the world. I cannot talk stocks and policies like my brother. And I have nothing I am really good at either. I can learn but I have no motivation either. My family will think I am an idiot anyways that is how its always been. I often find myself wanting to restart. Have a clean slate, everything is brand new and I feel normal. But I do not have the resources or willpower for that. And sometimes I just wish I never existed, I wish I can disappearessentially die without the pain and consequences on others around me. After a decade now being depressed on and off, I realize that I should probably try some medication. I have been weary of trying it but probably its worth a shot? Sometimes I convince myself to forgive the people that have hurt me. I tell myself its time to move on. But the next minute I am filled with rage again and I do not know why I cannot let it go. I feel angry, sad and sorry for my younger self. Up and downs | Depression |
I just don't want to do anything anymore. I just feel no motivation to do anything anymore. I don't want to play games. I don't want to watch shows. I don't want to read. I can't even bring myself to do my math homework. Today was a round of acceptances for the University I'm trying for and I didn't get in. And typing it out makes it feel so silly to be this upset like oh, maybe not this round but there are two more rounds that you could get in for. But honestly this was kinda my last straw, I just give up. My friend who said that there was no way she would get in and that we should both go to this other university together got in today and I just feel like I'm not going to get in and I'm going to have to go to that other university and be all alone because everyone I know got in for the really competitive program I was trying for except me and I just can't bring myself to try in school at this point because I will never be good enough because I try so hard and I think I actually understand but I never understand and because I fuck up one question on a stupid test it ruins the rest of my fucking life. I just need to get into this one specific university nothing else matters its just this one. But its never going to happen. Because I was too stupid to not join every club in the school in 9th grade to become the president of them now. Because I never took extra lessons outside of school to learn math. Because I'm just not good enough. I mean I know this one specific university is not the end of the world but it feels like it is. I'm disappointing my family who expect me to get in. I'm disappointing myself because I told myself I would work harder and try harder and cut out all my free time to focus on school but I just didn't do that and now I've ruined my chances. I just don't want to keep trying. I don't even want to go to university. I'm just so tired. | Depression |
I have no definable skillset. I am bad at things I was once good at. I have no definable skillset. I am bad at things I was once good at. I feel I might lose my job. I already cannot afford treatment. I just tell myself that things will get better. But I am powerless. I cannot affect change. Help | Depression |
Having trouble eating, sleeping, relaxing. I'm just so lonely and in my head all the time. I'm trying so hard to make friends, but idk how. It all makes me angry at society as a whole for leaving me all alone. I've wanted friends my whole life. I haven't had any in 20 years. And all I can wonder is why the fuck nobody wants to be near me, or to talk to me, or to even ask me questions. I feel like everyone is actively avoiding me at this point. And I hate them for it. I hate living because of everyone. | Depression |
Have been fighting clinical depression for awhile. Just reaching out to see how others cope with the day to day since I have been in a rough place recently any advice or input would mean alot. have not been able to keep my happy go lucky demeanor around friend/family and I do not want to get stuck again relying on pick me ups (opiates) since I have been clean for awhile. Sorry for the long read just do not really know where or who to talk to during this time . Going day to day it is a struggle and cannot put up the happy facade any longer without breaking | Depression |
i have made up my mind i am going to kill myself tomorrow i ll be alone in the house for atleast hour so no one will be there to check up on me or save me i have the razor blade and pill i m going to use i have alcohol too and i m going to get drunk while i harm myself i m hoping to go before anyone find me i can t deal with life anymore i can t do this anymore i m not going to say my goodbye this is goodbye i hope y all are able to heal this is going to be it for me goodbye | Depression |
Just another unhappy life? I‘m so unhappy. I dislike myself and my life so fundamentally, I don’t know how to fix it. I think I’m nothing much of anything and there doesn’t seem to be potential for growth. I’ve been wasting away to be honest. I don’t care about life, and the truly shitty thing seems to be, that nobody seems to be worth fighting to keep being. I’ve played along but it’s getting harder each day. My own dishonesty about how deep this runs has just been coming up a lot lately. I’m just always looking at the clock for time to pass, for oblivion to enter. I cannot stand existing, maybe that’s called depression, with other issues included, that just don’t seem worth solving at this point. So I’m just wondering, how is your life? How are you fairing and dealing with this? Do you have family that motivates you? Friends? Do you find ways to love life or make it work or worth it somehow? Are you ever angry? | Depression |
Physically, mentally and emotionally. I feel like I am going to puke. My head hurts from being sad and angry, and I rather just kill myself right now I feel sick and terrible | Depression |
I am 16, I previously had suicidal thoughts and fantasies but I no longer have them. I have had low self esteem, self image issues, and depression in general for years now. I drink alcohol to help cope with my issues which does work. I think the thoughts went away because I am more interested in a relationship even tho I have never had a girlfriend. But could the thoughts ever return out of nowhere? I no longer have suicidal thoughts but will they come back? | Depression |
I am 29, F, no friends, live with parents (we are not financially well off so please do not assume I mooch off of them...we have a long history with me paying rent and then abusing me for money)I have not worked in over a year because I cannot land another job. Had a few interviews but did not get the jobs. While I have a Bachelors degree in Business, I am only able to land low level office assistant work. There are few decent opportunities where I live. I just see no light at the end of the tunnel. I have been in this position many times before, and I get out temporarily, only to fall back in it. My mom is controlling and will not allow me to do anything on my own, she makes my dad follow me around everywhere...she gives the argument "Well he needs something to do so he wants to ride in the car" like a f-ing kid. I feel very strangled by my parents but without them I would be homeless because I cannot land a f-ing job out of the 300 f-ing applications I have put in all around the country (US).I am just sick of it all. I would be better off if I did not wake up. I am the most pathetic and useless person on earth. No one wants me - no friends, no relationships (had them but I am always being dumped), no jobs-- I feel like I am not supposed to be on this earth. I am useless. there is no point in going on but I wish I had an exit | Depression |
Things like acne and a crooked nose may be brushed off by some people. However, if they are causing you do lose sleep, cry and hate yourself they are to you what some, seemingly much more severe things are to others. You are not an ungrateful brat for this. it is okay to be depressed because you are balding, or because you have never had a gf/bf. Just because you have not been abused or had a horrible life does not mean your feelings are less "valid". Different things hurt people in different ways. | Depression |
Honestly, not even sure what I want to say. Kind of just want to let people know about motherhood and clinical depression. Not post-partum depression. I have struggled with self-hate ever since I was kid. I believe that nobody could, can, or ever will love me, including myself. There just really is not much to like. Not soon after it became depression and I have just lived my life like this. I am married and have 2 kids. Just want to quickly say that depression is different from being depressed. Being depressed (as my doctor explained) is usually from outward influences. Depression is pretty much a neurological disorder that can be caused through trauma and the like. But yeah, it does not get better with time like everybody says, I have been waiting for a while for that miraculous day to come. Really, I have no idea what I want to say. I guess if you struggle with depression, please get help before getting into a serious relationship or having children. You may think that those things will help you (I did) but they do not. Instead you are family becomes almost an excuse for you to push yourself over the limit. Anyway, I recently reached out and told my doctor and have been put in touch with a psychiatrist. It was hard to tell somebody as the only person who sort of knows is my husband. And I am legit scared to see a psychiatrist and talk about it again, but I am waging a war with myself. Get help or disappear before my 2 year old is able to remember anything about me. Personally the latter seems like the better option but then I think about what it would do to him in the future. Would he really think I loved him and did it for him, or would he think that it was his fault and that he was the problem? So I am getting help instead. There is so much more I want to say about having depression and being a mother, but it will literally be a book and nobody wants to read that, so yeah. It sucks, but get help. Where to start | Depression |
Hello.I want to make this post short and direct. I would like to talk to a dr about depression and see if an anti-depressant would be right for me. I did not know that you could be seen online- tonight I saw khealth and it looks like you can see a doctor and get medicine for $20. I have previously used a website like Jasonshealth and I was able to get medical treatment at a very cheap price. I was skeptical but it was legit. So, I am just wondering about seeing someone for depression. I do not have health insurance. I am curious to know if anyone else has a recommendation?Thank you. Online recommendations to be seen for depression? | Depression |
I am trying to motivate myself to go to therapy and I was wondering if maybe there were any subreddits that were more focused on receiving support or trying to be more positive? If it helps other people by venting then great, but being surrounded by similar negative thoughts that go through my head on this subreddit just makes it more difficult for me. Thanks Alternative subs to this one? | Depression |
i have been living my sadness for a year i lost my wife and i don t want to continue here i want to see her again i want to be with her i am trying to continue my life but i miss her so much | Depression |