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Hello! I have bipolar disorder and general anxiety for a little back ground,and I am currently moving states so I do not have my therapist atm. I found a medicine regiment that has been working for me finally, but the past 3-4 days I am having bad depression(like the lowest of lows that came out of no where). I do not have any energy to do anything. I cannot enjoy things and if I do it is just for a few mins and its gone(sometimes feeling worse after). I know that you have to get out more and do things you enjoy to start to come out of it, but what do you do when you physically cannot even get the energy to make yourself a tad bit better. it is pretty much crippling at the moment and I hate it. I am not sure how to get out of this slump | Depression |
Today I went to a restaurant with my family while on vacation, and it was one I had not been to since my ex and I went when we were together over 3 years ago. I cried in the restaurant and could not stop. After he dumped me with no warning, I spent 6 months crying every single day and was suicidal. I had to go to therapy but I only had 2 sessions because I could not afford it. But I am mostly better with that, although I still have my days. I will return to therapy once I get a full time job again and can hopefully afford it.So yeah -- I just started crying in the restaurant because it overwhelmed me with memories (same restaurant but different location). Guess I am still not over him. I have not tried to date since, I am not even interested in meeting anyone. I always had mild depression but I feel that break up was so traumatic that it broke something inside of me. I felt a piece of myself die. Has a traumatic event made you feel like that? Did your depression get worse? Idk the point in this or what I am asking for -- I just needed somewhere to write this and get it off my mind. Thank you everyone. Remember to love yourself first before anyone else Had a set back today | Depression |
that s just about it i m just too tired of myself i wish i wa strong like a lot of you are but i m just too weak to keep going after some thinking i think i m finally going towards my end but i don t feel scared actually i feel some peace i m not gon na do it today there s some thing i need to settle first but i think that s my last month in this place good luck everyone i wish only the best for all of you | Depression |
I thought I have been through enough mental struggle that I do not care what happens anymore, and I am immune to all kind of thingsBut it makes me so sad and helpless when people are even a little mean to me. They did not even do anything wrong and I am just overreactingWhy am I like this I have been dead inside for so long but my feelings get hurt too easily | Depression |
entering a depression week i feel it | Depression |
Just had a fun night with friends. I had alot of fun and we drunk and hung out for hours. Now I am home, sad, lonely, and feel like a burden to everyone. I have always struggled with silence (I hate it and have to fill it) and I definitely talk too much and over insist on sharing my opinions.here is the thoughts I jotted down before making this post:I talk too muchI share too muchI push my opinionsI do not accept social ques (to shut up) I always NEED to air my realizations/observations I am not confident in my opinions I am not confident in my social skills When I get home, alone, and analyze my behaviour I want to die (kill myself) I feel like everyone tolerates me and would be happier if I was deadI imagine them upset if I died and either feel validated by their sadness or... pained by how relieved they would be to have me gone. Anyone else feel this way? I do not know what to do. I desperately need to socialize and miss my friends when I do not see them. But everytime I socialize with my friends I go home to these feelings. It almost feels worst than sitting at home doi g nothing, alone and with no one. I do not know how to keep going on like this. I do not want to be alone... But these feelings scare the fuck out of me and I literally want to die to make them stop... I am at a loss and do not know how to keep going on like this.I love my friends. they have never indicated that I annoy them (but I feel as if I KNOW I do) I am ADHD and absolutely cannot stop myself from talking as soon as I let me guard down. I do not know how to continue living like this... Depressed after spending time with friends | Depression |
i m 9 year old and i have been depressed and lonely since i wa i have had some ups and some people that i connected with over the year but i have lost them all or wa betrayed by them i don t know how to talk with other people even people who have similar interest to me and i always think i make everyone feel awkward when they are around me or that i m imposing myself on them every month i tell myself that thing will get better and sometimes they do but then i lose what made me happy and everything else go wrong too it s been year of telling myself that thing will get better only to have them turn worse and i m so tired of it i am really afraid of death and i realize that i don t want my life to end i just want another life but suicide is starting to sound like the most bearable option | Depression |
Hurt is like a metal ball we will carry for the rest of our lives. it is fresh and hot and unbearably heavy but as time goes on we grow stronger and learn how to carry the weight and cope with the pain of the heat. eventually we will hug that ball for warmth on our coldest nights and we will be proud of how far we have carried it and how incredibly strong it made us. Love is so jovial, I Admire each and everyone of you ...every action taken should have the purpose of improving the lives of those around you I lost a dear friend | Depression |
There here is a world, its failed me . No med , no people , no life . USA will have no problem being short one citizen . Man its real . Tried everything. So long . I think its time | Depression |
I wish i could redo it and do it a lot Better than I did. I wish I could just redo my life so bad.. it is like a mental torment... I want to restart life so bad? | Depression |
I have left everyone and isolated myself in my room. I cannot feel satisfied or even excited about anything I simply do not care anymore. I do not want to get help because I do not think it will work I feel miserable and hopeless. I do not see myself living | Depression |
Is anybody else here plagued by constant, stress related intrusive thoughts? They come from nowhere and always involuntarily. They seem to be related to stress, since higher levels of stress make them worse for me. For me, most of the times it is a fantasy i get stuck into. There are arguments with other people in my head, feelings of anger and the stress that it produces. I could be going about doing my thing at home or at work and they will pop up from nowhere. The only time they seem to not be able to appear is when I am talking to someone.Does anyone else experience this? If so, any tips for managing it?​For those who do not know, this is the wikiedia definition of intrusive thoughts:''An intrusive thought is an unwelcome, involuntary thought, image, or unpleasant idea that may become an obsession, is upsetting or distressing, and can feel difficult to manage or eliminate.'' Intrusive thoughts, anyone? | Depression |
i fear i may go into a depression pit i miss my friend | Depression |
i constantly have suicidal thought even if i m doing ok it s like it s always in the back of my mind i have my dark day where it s all i can think about but it s still back there during the good day too i feel like i m strange for constantly thinking about it even if i m happy | Depression |
I have struggled with depression on and off but the last few months have been especially hard. I have finally come to terms that it is depression and that I am not just being dramatic. But I cannot do this anymore. The pain I am in is not going away no matter how many times I talk to a therapist or try and distract myself. I want to feel nothing. I do not want to be happy, sad, angry, nothing. How can I do this. Also, I am trying to avoid the suicidal thoughts because I do not want that, I know there are things I can try and not have to take it there I need help | Depression |
I so often wish someone would care I find my self often being the one who is there for others. Yet at the end of the day no one is there for me. It hurts deeply knowing that everything I do won’t be reciprocated.
I just wish someone could be there for me as I am so often there for them. | Depression |
I (17M) have been diagnosed with Aspergers, although my experiences are better described as high functioning autism (although I do not function at all lol), a semi-official type of Autism. Luckily, my autism was recognised very early in my life, when I was about 3/4 years old. I was diagnosed with PDD-NOS (later with Aspergers). Because of my amazing parents who fought very hard for me to get the help I needed, I got special training in primary school. I not only learned how to communicate with other people, but also to control my "explosions", when it all got too much for me from all the information in my head I exploded (screaming, swearing, slamming with doors). I am very thankful for this and it has allowed me to be socially semi-functional and make friends. However, this training had an unintended consequence, I was convinced that the only way to be accepted in society was to isolate myself when it all got too much for me. This does not always work out, and afterwards I feel really guilty, especially if it happens around people I love, because I see it leaves an impact on them. It also does not really help that I am constantly irritated, because of the pandemic, lack of sleep and maybe depression?I feel so guilty for being such an asshole, my friends and family do not deserve it, it is also the reason I feel like I do not deserve their love. Does anyone have similar experiences and/or advice how to convince myself I am worthy of love? I would really love to hear your thoughts I feel like I do not deserve love | Depression |
How do I deal with depression when sel-steem is the biggest roadblock? It literally makes me go to the srart point whenever something improves self steem. I have mysefl so much I don't see a point in fighting this illness anymore. Afterall, it will just be me again, isnt that sad itself? How do I break this loop?
Any experiences or help will be more than welcome, I am fucking up my family, friends and relations and everything in general. Depression has taken over all my life. | Depression |
I think I may be depressed. I just cannot get out of bed, I have nothing to do outside of it. I have been isolated from friends for almost 4 years, I have only internet friends now. I do not have a job since I am underage, I do not have friends to go out with and I do not have pets to walk. I have been having thoughts about not existing and how that would be better than living life and dealing with responsibilities or people (not suicide, just disappearing). I cannot get up to exercise, to go out, and I will always postpone everything the hardest I can (I have not cut my hair in 2 years, which I have never done before) and if I have the option to stay home instead of going out, I will stay home. Also, sometimes I feel like I am just a spectator and not the protagonist of my life. I feel so indifferent about some things, and sometimes it seems like I am just watching a movie or playing a game. here is the catch: I am not sad. I do not experience long periods of sadness, I do not cry at night, I do not even feel down, I am either happy or neutral (happy most of the time), and sometimes only the thought of living fills me with joy. I have never seen it as depression, and thought it was a phase, but not getting out of bed for a week straight does not seem normal for a healthy 17yo. Does someone relate? Have you seen this? Am I not depressed and making this up? Maybe I am just super lazy? What the fuck is wrong with me??? Depression without sadness? | Depression |
i just don t have the will to do much most day when i finally do get the energy to be productive it doesn t last any longer than a week i procrastinate all task even the easy one and i can t just can t think straight even one the day i am motivated to be productive i can t focus and i end up being really tired | Depression |
that depression can sieze today | Depression |
I am thinking today is the day but if not today, sometime very soon.I am writing this because I have to get it off my chest and I do not have many friends. And I do not want to be talked down.I have attempted when I was younger (pills just caused my body to react oddly, hanging myself I chickened out and untied it 2 hospital holds) When I am happy, I always fear that it will come crashing down and Ill kill myself.I am so stressed out all the time, every day.I live with a roommate who is gone for 6 months.I feel as if I have nobody, no matter how bad it hurts I cannot unload it.I am so TIRED.I have been feeling like this is the year I die.. ever since it started.I wanted to do more, get married, have a career, have kids, etc.Something to keep me grounded but I am almost 27 now and I just do not think it will happen. (I am far too emotionally unstable)I spend the holidays alone. I know Ill be spending my birthday alone in 2 months. I just want to be okay, but I do not think I can be. I cannot afford therapy, can barely afford to liveIm tired of stress and overthinking.The worst part of this is that I have a dog and I do not know how long it will be before I am found.I just cannot do this. My emotions are so big and I am always hurting. I literally only have bad dreams. I am not exaggerating. I remember my dreams nearly every night and they are all about the world ending and me having to fight and I am always losing.I keep trying and I know I am not trying hard enough but I just feel unlovable. A burden to be here and a burden to live.there is a gun in my apartment, I just have to find the keys. If I cannot find them, I have a few other plans in mind that are too embarrassing to say. I am writing this so there is something to look back on? Idk but I feel like its not even something I want but something I need.I feel so alone and annoying and just bothersome. Plus I cannot watch my family die.I am sorry to the people I hurt, I am sorry to my dog. Its so permanent and that is why I am scared but I know Ill be okay once its done.I love everybody & I love everybody reading this even if I could not be loved. here is to no more worries I think I am going to kill myself | Depression |
i just turned 18 last May and my depression is getting worse and I am cutting myself. i want to be safe in a hospital idk but it gives me comfort to be in a hospital. i just do not want to mention that I am suicidal because i do not want my mom to know because i do not want her worry please help i have no one i want to get hospitalized without my mom knowing | Depression |
I have been struggling with just hating life and myself. I do not want to call it depression because sometimes I am good and do not have these thoughts but I think this subreddit fits me the best.I thought that moving into a house from a tiny one bedroom would help me. There were too many bad memories there and the tiny size just left me feeling there is no way to escape. I ended up moving into a larger house 3+ bedrooms and it is just me and my son (on weekends).I thought moving location would help but now that I am in this house I just realize even more how alone I am. When it is just me here I look around and it is like my loneliness is hitting me in the face. Right now I am struggling because I have been separated with my son's mother because we had issues. Even so, I love her so much and being apart kills me inside. We have been separated for a while but we at least still talked and hung out. We had a fight and ever since then we have not been right. I want to be with her but she said she is not sure what she wants but is certain that she does not want a relationship at this moment. I totally understand that and do not want to force anything but it is hard going to like zero interaction with her and then the small amounts of time I do see her when she picks up our son or I drop him off. A few times in my life I have thought about killing myself and luckily always got through. I am trying hard to stay on the positive side but lately thoughts creep into my head about doing it again. I will look around to see what could support my weight to hang myself, I think about doing the running car in the garage thing, or even just buying a gun. I end up shaking my head and brushing those thoughts away but they are becoming more frequent and I am just scared that the amount of time that I have alone with myself that one time I will not brush it aside. At the same time though, my biggest motivation is my son and his mom and I could not stand the thought of hurting them in that way. It just sucks. New location Same Depression Vent | Depression |
I feel bad for being this depressed Honestly, I've been faking being "ok" for a while.
I've been in some low places but this is in the top three for the lowest points I've had. My youngest sibling died by suicide in November of 2022. So I do realize the pain suicide causes but damn when you get into that place, it's neat impossible to get out of.
I have plenty of things to keep me going. Like my nieces and nephews. I do want to watch them grow up, and be a guide for them, but I really am struggling with not wanting to exist anymore. The antidepressants I'm on aren't working. My doctor is *very* aware they aren't, given she knows I've had dreams of suicide recently. Yet my medications just got added on to. I'm just tired. I want to give up. Even though I know I shouldn't. | Depression |
I have suffered from anhedonia for as long as i can remember, and the trick i found most helpful to deal with this is to really force yourself to do stuff you do not want, i know this sounds crazy but trust me it works, ever wanted to read that book, but never got the courage to do so? Just go ahead, force yourself to get out of this position, because trust me no one deserves to be stuck not doing stuff you enjoy due to anhedonia.Well that is it, i wanted to do something helpful today, i hope this tip helps out someone in need, because everyone deserves to enjoy stuff in life. Advice on how to deal with anhedonia from a depressive person to another | Depression |
getting better from depression demand a lifelong commitment i ve made that commitment for my life s sake and for the sake of those who love me | Depression |
my depression and panic attacks have been crippling me for months, I have even started to have episodes of dissociation. for just as long I have been isolating myself, not completely, but I have noticed that my cousins in particular have started to become distant. my parents lose patience with me very quickly and I have ruined my relationship with one of my sisters but what hurts most is my cousins. i understand that they have their own lives but we used to be as thick as thieves and now they barely text unless they need something. I have never felt so alien around them, i was closer to them than my own siblings. i do not think people can stand the sight of me. admitting that to myself hurts sm. what I have noticed from the people around me | Depression |
we re here to help we are online therapy platform which essentially connects certified psychologist and people suffering from mental health issue such a depression stress and anxiety among dozen of other clinically defined disorder book your appointment now http t co 0uhhroudrr | Depression |
TL;DR: I feel like I caused my best friends death and my entire life crashed around me, now I do not want it anymore. I guess Ill just start from the beginning. Ill speed this up though because I do not want to take up too much of your time. In like 6th or 7th grade I made friends online playing overwatch with a dude, like really good friends. I never had a buddy I could talk to casually and safely about literally anything from after school until 4am. We used to have a joke where wed just tell each other do not be a bitch for advice. It was laughable, really it was, because we both knew each other would give real advice anyway. Those would end up being my most hated words ever.Back in April of this year, I had a decently healthy relationship with a gf I had for about 6 months, and got accepted into college and was graduating High School. My friend and I started FaceTiming and he started to drive. He told me he should stop and I told him to not be a bitch. We told each other jokes and laughed really hard. He turned to look at me for a brief moment, looked back at the road, and got in an accident. His head went through the windshield and he died instantly. I panicked, and I do not usually do that. I felt enormous guilt, I still do. What had happened I felt was my fault entirely. So much so that I promised that it would never happen again. I left my gf and all of my closest friends for their safety. That was the hardest decision of my life. They all tried to get me to stop but i did not listen. I played Minecraft with my now dead friends little brother, he must have been 7-8 years old. I have never heard a kid cry like that. I did not even have the balls to tell him what happened or that I was sorry for it. Flash forward to about a few weeks ago, I tried overdosing on pills. Obviously that did not work, I guess I am inept? But I visited my grandparents house, started going through some old stuff. I found my grandpas old pistol and held it up. It just seemed like the right thing to do. I could not do that either. I wussed out. I have tried drinking to forget or maybe honor my lost friend(s) but nothing works. I cannot sleep. I guess I am asking for help but honestly maybe I do not deserve it. I am sorry for writing so much, maybe I just needed to get this off my chest. I am sorry My best friend died and its my fault | Depression |
I do not know what to do, I have a creative mind and I enjoy making various forms of media but I have a lot of projects I want to do. I have written a few animated TV shows, they are both based on some part of my depression but I have no faith that my ideas will ever see the light of day, I have ideas for games that I want to make, while they are simple I have no one to bounce off of and I have no idea what I am doing in the process. One could argue that I could just animate and produce my projects my self, but that is easier said than done. And for the video game stuff, people could argue that I should just look up tutorials for everything I want to do but the thing is tutorials do not exist for everything I want to do, at this point I just need to suck it up and learn everything possible about the coding program but its so much time, So much time that is already taken up by bigger priorities.All of this hurts, I have gotten to the point where I genuinely believe that I will never see my ideas come to light. If I just had money I could do everything right? I wish it was not this way, I wish I could just think of something and make it the exact way I see it in my head, but I guess I am now just stuck hoping I become rich one day despite my disabilities and can pay other people to make the things that I see in my head.I often feel very suicidal just thinking about dying one day without ever bringing my ideas to life. Will I ever make it? | Depression |
nobody can change my mind anymore. i’ll do it soon, just soon. just you fucking wait. i’m sick of living, nobody can change my mind anymore yeah | Depression |
Hi everyone. 28/F here.I got diagnosed with dysthymia about 6 weeks ago. I was given the choice of meds or psychotherapy to start off, and I chose psychotherapy because sertraline and trintrellix did not make much of a difference years prior. My question is, does anyone here want to share their experience of what psychotherapy is/has done for them?I have just had one session so far, but feel like I do not really understand what its about/what the goal is.I actually just left the session feeling sad and cried. The psychotherapist said she could not really identify any reason from my childhood or adolescence which would leave me with this condition. Which made me feel bad for venting about my family, and for not having a reason to be suffering from dysthymia. Diagnosed with dysthymia, psychotherapy? | Depression |
there is just no point anymore. I cannot do anything. I am just sitting here helpless. There is nothing I can do besides off myself but I am too scared. Crying myself to sleep rn | Depression |
Anyone able to advise on these feelings of apathy at all? I think that is the correct term.I struggle to want to do stuff (house stuff, walk dogs, go outside at all, play games) and it is got worse over lockdown I know and I am still WFH and not going out at all and not seen or spoken to my mates in a long time. Everyday I struggle to find joy - I drift from one week to the next just working and realise that April was three months ago and I have done *nothing*I have gained weight, spent money on shit I do not need and not achieved anything at all in the last two, three, five years, ten years. I am only 31 and know that it is not always going to be like this but I am struggling to find joy in things and things feel dull. I am not on any meds and sure as hell know there is people out there with more pressing issues and health so I feel like I am wasting your time if your reading this. I am not poor (but also not well off, I have some money as a cushion) my physical health is adequate, I do not smoke, do not drink, do not do drugs feel like I am just really boring and my mind's just *off*I dunno, maybe I am just more aware of my mind now and maybe this is normal. Feelings of Apathy | Depression |
Morning lows what too do? Im currently in therapy and it’s helping me a lot. I managed too do things that I feared and I’m pretty proud that I made it this far, but one thing I struggle with the most is getting up out of bed and when I manage too stand up I feel like shit for 3-5hours (still better then 24/7 like it was before but I need too fix it so I can go back to work and stop beeing an adult kid living by his parents) I have nightmares every night and still my brain tells me too stay in bed. Every night I tell myself tomorrow you gonna make it but it never really works out. So my question is did anyone had the same problem and find a good solution.
(Sorry for bad English ty for reading :) ) | Depression |
Since I am pretty depressed and start to feel less and less emotion (which is quite scary) i just want to feel my heart again or feel alive or feel joy or at least anything. When I am listening to sad music or smoke weed or even mastrubate i have this short time of feeling anything. what are little things that make you guys feel anything. i sont care if its healthy or not but i hate drugs. Easy ways to feel something? | Depression |
When I see happy people I think they are ignorant, because if they knew what was happening in the world, they would not have any reason to be happy.I also think they live a privileged life, because they have had things handed to them and not had to work very hard for it.It seems like both assessments are pretty accurate.But then, people do not want to be friends with a realist/pessimist. How do you view happy people? | Depression |
For over a week now I have felt AMAZING after a torturous 3 months. I am on 10 mg lexapro (did not help at all) but recently my doc started me on 75 mg bupropion, and this stuff is INCREDIBLE. It has made all the difference for me. Just wanted to share Antidepressants. Are. Fucking. Magical. | Depression |
[Trigger warning] This is mostly based on the fact that my mom always wanted me and my siblings to go to the curch but I was the most sensitive one.I do not have any friends so I did not talk about it with anybody but my mom but I cannot do that anymore.Three years ago I confessed for the first time that I tought God was evil and they told me to pray for things to change.Three years later I have always been praying with the same feelings and now I cannot even think about God without feeling hatred and despair.When I was a kid my mom always tried to get me to go to the Orthodox curch and fast. Three years ago I was having problems sleeping due to my growth and my mom told me it was because I did not come to the curch with her.I got really scared.Basically being scared was the only reason I believe in God and why I am doing so badly.Now I was scared of more than not sleeping ,I was scared I will go to hell and that God will punish me for the tiniest bad tought.I even got a tic in my mind I say "forgive me God",I was not alowed to sleep more than 6 h ,to eat fully or without praying and I prayed more than 1 h and did 50/100 prostrations and reading everyday ,fasted for half a year every year, I slimmed up 20 kilograms and got sick, and after a long period I have had an operation to remove my colecist.I was extremely stressed out everyday, not to make a single sin and do everything right.Now cannot go to curch anymore and I want God to dessapear and to live a paceful life but I fear I cannot.I want this to end, be it depression or anything else.I am hurting myself and cry every single day for the same reason for a year and my mom does not really want me going to a therapist nor to get medicine.Sometimes my family makes fun of me and over all does not care.I do not have any friends and I do not know what I will do with my life.My mom now blames me saying that I was a fool back then but I was just a child and she were so prowd of me back then. She was saying that God had blessed her. I have never seen my mom so happy and proud and now that I am not trying to do everything right she started to scolds me again and I felt so bad.Recently she admited she had mistaken but she still makes so many of those twisted assumptions about me and thinks suffering it is my fault for having a bad temper.All these Years I have been doing whatever her and my father told me (my father was knoun for baing the weirdest and most insufferable one; when I was arownd 13 he told me I may become a slut because I was having impure toughts and that gave me so much suffering for all these years,now he died and my mom still thinks he was a saint but thinking about him is like thinking about hell)All these years I prayed that I will love God and I ended up hating God.I do not really want to make up with God.I tried but things only got worse every timeI cannot help but blame my mom because I always believed in her worlds weather I wanted or not.Even now it is the same.She is very confident and her belief is everything there is for her.She told me everything there is wrong about humans and life and it gave me depression because everything was bad and everyone was wrong. She also believes stuff that hurts me like "it is the fault of the damn feminists that womans suffer these days working and the families have been destroyed" and tells me there is no hapiness on earth nor something worthy of your time other than going to heaven.I do not want to go to heaven ,I just want a paceful life.But what can I do and where can I go to escape God?Everything normal people do is a bigger or smaller sin and I cannot stop thinking about all my mom had told me and I believed.Everything comes into my head :how if you are making a mistake God will give you punishments for you to wake up and come to the right path.And if you do not then that is your fault for going to hell where there will be fire 10000 hotter and if you are debauched bugs will eat you alive forever and there is guilt fear and dispair, and crows eating the belly and chest of women whom aborted children forever and ever.What can a therapist do about that though?I do not know if my family is bad, my dad is disinterested but my mom never let me believe that God can be interpreted in any other way,and I am scared to do it.She also thinks that God is all loving but the fear of God is the first love.she will make fun of other people who do not have the same beliefs as her and I hate that.She also thinks that I am genuinely a bad person and that I have to change.I do not think she is ok with me not being perfect, she tells me "if you behave like that you will end up in a hell hole in life, nobody is going to be good with you".She wants me to always forgive ,she always tells me a story with a woman who confessed she was getting bitten by her husband and the father told her to keep water in her mouth all day(so she would shut up).She wants me to accept life is trash and be humble and kind no mather what, sometimes she just tells me I do not understand and that is why I feel like this is bad... I am a teenager and I think I have trauma | Depression |
I have not relapsed this badly in a bit and I am sliding back down the rabbithole and I really do not want to because I know how far this can go and I fear if it will go further this time. I live in a country with strict covid restrictions and we are strongly encouraged to stay home. Dining in has been restricted and I have little excuses to go out besides saying I am going to a friend's house. My friends have been gracious enough to invite me over anytime I need to but my mother would make a lot of negative comments about me leaving the house in this pandemic and it just discourages me to do things/tell her that I want to go somewhere/ do something. I have been receiving negative reinforcements (snide remarks, talking behind your back, breathing down your neck parenting etc) since young and this has affected me a lot as a person and I have been trying to be a better person each day. I met a guy who loved me despite everything and tried to make me a better person too; he was my shelter and escape everytime my mum hits me with the negative shit. But recently he abandoned me and left me to fend for myself and he took the light away with him too. Today I signed up for a credit card and was nagged to no end by my mother, and was called stupid over something that I did my research for. And it hit me that things have always been like this since I was young. Everything I do is not right and everything I do is dumb and everything I do has to be controlled by her. And I am so drained. I have not cried like today in awhile; I know when it is a depressive cry. I need to leave this place and environment. I need to. Sliding back down the rabbithole | Depression |
Its been so frustrating trying to find mental help. I am going through a divorce and it seems that all the issues I swept under the rug for years in regards to my marriage and my tendency to play dead have all come up to haunt me. I am trying to be a good mother and I have been but anything that is not urgent or does not have to do with my kids I tend to ignore. I was always the primary and only care provider for our boys but I realize that I need help to become whole once and for all. Please help if you can. Help! I need a psychiatrist but seems like they are all booked! | Depression |
I was flirting with this girl on a school trip and she stopped being interested because I was not confident enough. I cannot stop second guessing myself and I hate everything about my life. It hurts so badly and there is no way I have found to make the pain go away. Its starting to affect my actual life (example above) and I cannot do this anymore. I do not know what I did to deserve this. I am literally 15 and have not done anything to seriously hurt anyone and I have been the kindest possible person to everyone I have met. I just wish I could die and leave everything behind. I have fantasized about killing myself and I do not know what to do anymore | Depression |
And other hilarious jokes I can tell to myself Life gets better | Depression |
i have severe depression that has been diagnosed but my mom refuses to treat it and says I am faking, that its all in my head. my mother is a narcissist and is convinced the internet planted these ideas in my head even though i have previous childhood trauma and adhd. she is just convinced that I am fine but I am far from it. i have a pet allergy and have prescribed medication that makes me extremely drowsy and take benadryl as needed but have access to it regardless. its been months since I have started taking it daily, twice a day sometimes three times, its become a ritual. my mom just yells at me for being constantly asleep and lazy but she does not even know that I am abusing my medication like i do. i cannot even stand being awake anymore, i cannot stand being myself. its like i cannot stand waking up, i cannot stand living anymore, and when I am asleep its like my only escape. when i fall asleep its my only chance to not be me. nothing is fun. nothing is worth it. i just want to sleep. i cannot stand being awake anymore | Depression |
My kind, generous, selfless girlfriend is currently battling a severe case of depression and I am having difficulty navigating it and in the process, I am making it worse on her. This woman has always been the mark of excellence to me. she is beautiful in all ways, brilliant and vibrant. Her sense of humor is unmatched and remains the only person I have seen literally laugh through pain. Unfortunately, she does not feel the same way and she is beating herself up internally. she is under a lot of pressure both in terms of interpersonal relationships and academic expectations, in addition to all of the weight the world around us inherently puts on her. I am not sure how to help her and when I ask her, she does not know either. I am definitely guilty of having what I have seen described as the typical male urge to fix things and yeah, that is backfired. Ill ask her what can be done on my end but she does not know. Talking about it does not really help her. She ends up feeling stupid or as if she is an inconvenience. There are only so many distractions and they are only effective for so long. I deal with chronic anxiety and mild-moderate depression, but what works for me has not worked for her. I cannot help but feel that I am worsening her depression and that scares the life out of me. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Advice needed for handling others depression. | Depression |
I was thinking of getting a cat or a dog to take care of, do they help? Does a pet really help? | Depression |
Obviously, loss of interest/pleasure in once-enjoyable activities is a huge part of depression. In fact, it is one of the hallmark signs that doctors look for when searching for a diagnosis. What I am asking about today is similar to that aspect of the major suck-fest that is living with depression, but a little bit different. What happens to me is that I suddenly feel like doing something that I usually enjoy is actually making me feel MORE depressed. Now, when I say suddenly, I do not mean in a relatively short period of time, like over the course of a couple of days, or even hours or minutes, I mean SUDDENLY. Instantaneously. I will give an example scenario here, because I am not sure how else to really give a clear explanation of this stupidity. Okay, so, I love interior design, I have since I was a child. I love every aspect of it. I love creating floor plans and perspective drawings, I love making presentation boards with every last detail represented, I love watching interior design shows, I love garnering inspiration and learning how to use new design methods and techniques, and I LOVE going to home decor and furniture stores. Even if I am not buying or even looking for anything in particular, I can spend literal hours just combing every aisle. it is my kid in a candy shop setting, 100%. So a couple of days ago, I had some errands to run, and I decided to stop by HomeGoods while I was out, just to poke around. If I am not feeling well, giving myself a field trip to a good home dcor spot will usually have me feeling like myself again in a jiffy. I got ready and left the house feeling relatively upbeat and excited for my upcoming treat. I ran around and got my errands done first, to avoid feeling like I would had dessert without finishing my vegetables. Feeling like I earned whatever treat I give myself, and knowing I do not have anything else I should be doing instead, makes it 100x more enjoyable. I parked the car, hopped out, and pretty much frolicked through the front door like a big old goofball, heading straight to the bathroom department in search of a new shower curtain, because I actually do need one for my downstairs bathroom. As soon as I stopped in front of the display, though, I felt an extremely dramatic shift in my disposition. Just a few seconds ago, I had been really happy, in my zone. Suddenly, though, staring at all the pretty shower curtains felt like the last thing in the whole world I wanted to do. All I could think was, This is stupid. Why am I even here? I turned a slow circle, scanning the rest of the store to see if I could spot anything that might reignite my vigor of a few moments earlier. The more I saw, though, the more bleak and dismal everything seemed. It felt as though a black mist had descended, surrounding me, as well as filling me with a bitter, defeated, heavy sadness. I took a couple of deep, stabilizing breaths, but they did not help. My eyes began to sting, and I knew I had to get out of there before I started inexplicably bawling in front of a store full of people. Feeling as though I had just lost something intangible but meaningful, I slowly and dejectedly made my way out of the store with my eyes trained on the floor. This is typically how this phenomenon usually plays out for me, though it sometimes happens in other ways, as well. Sometimes I will feel great while I shower, dress, and do my hair and makeup, but as soon as I am all ready to go, I do not feel like doing whatever it was anymore. Like I said before, it actually feels like the absolute last thing I want to do. Sometimes it happens right away, as soon as I think of something I want to do. I will think, I would really like to go take pictures in the woods, and start to get excited by the idea, but then, in a fraction of a second, that excitement is replaced by a crushing sadness in response to the same idea. So, yeah, the best way I can explain it is just that something I normally love to do gets flipped upside down in my mind, and my beloved activity now feels like it is actually a part of the problem. It begins to feel like a source of depression and anxiety. To the extent that, if someone asked me, what is causing you to feel unhappy right now? I would reply, the thought of doing something I absolutely love, that is what is making me feel shitty right now. I do not understand why this happens to me, but I am so sick of it. I am just so indescribably tired of the things I usually use to help myself feel better begin to only make me feel worse. it is so mean of my brain to do this to me, and I cannot seem to find a way to make it stop. In fact, it just happens more and more often as time goes by. Does anyone else experience this, or anything like it? If so, what have you done about it? Also, does anyone have a medical or scientific explanation for why this happens? This Suddenly Sucks | Depression |
I hate looking in the mirror so much. I do not really know why. I do not exactly like how I look but I do not think I am ugly either. But every time I look in the mirror everything is so off. I do not like what I see. It just feels wrong. it is gotten to the point where I actively close my eyes or look away from mirrors. I literally turn the lights off when I have to brush my teeth and stuff. I hate looking in the mirror | Depression |
I had one friend I thought I was close to but I was just lying to myself I acted like they really cared and were not just being nice and lied acting like they also considered me the same way but I realized I was lying to myself and no I am not just overthinking I talked to them about it. My one decent thing gone | Depression |
Genuinely just looking for any resources at this point of other survivors that might have some advice for another? I am a 26 year old male who previously survived Hodgkins lymphoma. I have tried talking to professionals in therapy about my mental state, but its always the same answers. My anxiety and overthinking has hit an all time high and I do not feel as though I can speak on the things I am thinking about with the people closest in my life. I cannot tell them because I do not want them to have to deal with my personal struggles and Id rather just keep them out of where my mind lingers. I have had people say its selfish, but the last thing I want is for my issues to fuck up the only good things in my life. Post Cancer Depression | Depression |
My parents got divorced when I was 5 ( I am 16 now) and they kept telling me terrible things about each other ( they still do) I used to visit my dad once a week and I do not really have much memory with him. All I remember is him telling me about my mom and such a monster she is the whole they ( same as my mom) and all those times I was wondering which parent should I trust( Btw sorry for my English I am not sure if I am using the right Grammer) Three years ago he got his first child from his new wife and he stopped seeing me ( we still see each other But it is like twice a month or less) I feel like I never had a good time with him and I do not really feel close to him as I should feel to my father I really want to fix this and get to know him better I kind of feel jealous to my half- siblings What should I do to get closer to my parents? How should I get closer to my parents? | Depression |
Last night I had a dream I was back with my ex and it absolutely destroyed me I was doing so well and finally gaining ground but this was a low blow to my psychological health I hate her so much and I am determined not to let that inbred whore beat me I want to move on but I cannot seem to let go and just purge it out with a good cry but it seems I cannot hopefully I do soon I feel as if I cannot that I will never pull out of this slump I was doing well... | Depression |
Seriously it is wayyyy to long and unfair alot of animals have a decent a life span if it where up to me I would say 30 or 35 nothing higher. The thought of living to 70 is nightmare fuel I am sick of living but only staying alive for some love ones and it is a battle everyday to get up no wonder why the suicide rate is so damn high. I am beyond my expiration date I am surprise my skin is not rotting off like I am inside. Why does human life have to be so damn long? | Depression |
I have suffered from depression my whole life but as I have gotten older it has gotten worse.I see the years passing me by and I have absolutely nothing to show for it. I have no girlfriend, no friends, all I do is work, come home and sleep. I have no interest in anything, not even the things that once were of interest to me.I am disgusted by myself. I cannot connect to others. I am always alone.Sometimes I do not mind. I have almost gotten her to it but as of lately its been nipping away at me.I have tried every antidepressant, anti anxiety medication, TMS, changing diet, working out..you name it. I have tried it. And, yet nothing seems to work. There is no point to this message. I just needed to vent. I am so lonely. | Depression |
Hey you all,I have depression and social anxiety since I was 16 and just recently came to the decision to try antidepressants, because suicidal thought accured way more often than usual. So I am now on mirtazapine and escitaloptam since about two weeks ago.I played escitalopram once and used like three times the dosage, because I was curious how it would affect me and damn, I thought I would die to serotonin syndrom Anxiety is way better now but depression is definetly worse and I feel a little bit like just watching everything as if I would do stuff automatically. But nothing I have not already read online. I try to cope that by playing guitar or by doing selfcare days, but it is quit exhausting tho.Does anybody who is experienced with antidepressants have some advices or could tell me what to expect from the whole process?Thankfull for every helpfull comment or interesting thought whatsoever :) I am new to antidepressants | Depression |
i just drinked a bottle of cologne (I did not die,in hospital :/) | Depression |
i m my snap is bradenisacuck feel free to add me anyone | Depression |
i feel like i can t believe i m really going to do it i ll do trial run before to see how it go but i m relieved in a way and terrified in another way | Depression |
was doing so good. cleaned my place, did some meal preps for the week, started my laundry. and then? remembered today is a holiday, my friends and family are out celebrating together, having a good time. without me. I am always excluded.so now I am feeling down and alone once more. all I have been doing is lying in bed crying, not much else to do. not sure what to do anymore. I am so tired of feeling alone god fucking damn it | Depression |
Title sums it up. I have not made it into work and I called in sick. The truth is that I am really struggling mentally at the moment but I did not say that when I called. Feeling really guilty and that I am lying to everyone. I work really hard at my job (healthcare professional) and I really do not want my colleagues knowing I am depressed, suicidal and struggling. The guilt is all consuming though. Just not sure what to do. Feeling guilty about lying | Depression |
My brother has been struggling with suicidal thoughts since March of this year. Before confiding in me, he had been seeing a therapist and had not gotten any better. He was struggling to sleep at night so I slept with him every night for two months. I let him vent to me, he cried in my arms and Id wait for him to fall asleep before I did. Unfortunately I had to put my life on pause for all of this so that I can help him out as much as I can. After multiple failed suicide attempts, I decided to Baker Act him for three days until I found a facility that could house and treat him. While hospitalized, he was put on antidepressants and has continued taking them since then. After he was released from the hospital I had him stay in a treatment facility for about a month. He stopped sleeping there but he continued to go the facility every weekday for about six to eight hours. After receiving treatment from this place for a few months, he says he has not gotten any better. Since the start of all this he has become so heartless and cold towards me. He told me the only reason hes alive is because killing yourself is very difficult and hes failed every time. I begged him to promise me he will not try again and he says he cannot make that promise. I love him more than I can put into words, and every time I tell him that he does not say it back. I feel like I have tried everything I can. I am desperate. I do not know what to do. Apart of me feels like its time I take a step back because maybe I am being overbearing and I need to let him figure this out on his own. This has taken so much of a toll on me that I have had to seek therapy, as well. I do not know what more I can do to help him. My 19 year old brother is suicidal and I am desperate to help him. | Depression |
I spent a lot of time believing there was good in the world and good people but i was deluding myself. Recently I had an awakening moment, human beings are just predator and prey like every other animal. All of human life is divided into these two camps. There are the predators who take advantage and predate on the weak of society (upper classes, politicians, religious leaders, rapists). And there are the prey who spend their lives trying to avoid and detect the predators.I tried to believe there was good in the world. There is not. Take care of yourselves out there. No one is going to come rescue you when you need help. I saw behind the veil of humanity and I cannot unsee it | Depression |
Can anyone tell me if he/she is finally making what makes him/her happy? And what is that? And how did you managed to obtain this? It can be anything, work related, family related, anything. I am feeling stuck for a long time now and I feel I am failing in any way. I am curious abot you. What makes you happy? Making what makes you happy | Depression |
Life sucks when you don't have freedom from a 9-5 I am convinced working just makes me depressed. Dealing with people as a loner on a regular basis is draining. Wish I was rich and could leave it all behind. | Depression |
I am trying not to give up can anyone send blessings my way ? That would be nice thank you and have a great day Nobody treats me good even tho I am nice to them | Depression |
would like to know i ve been considering inpatient treatment recently and this is one of my biggest fear a losing my license could drastically complicate my life and make my issue worse in the long term | Depression |
Sleep, wake up, eat, work, eat, sleep and repeat. Tired of this.Any advise for making life what you want? Stuck in a job I do not like and I do not know what fields I would want to go into. I do not have the qualifications. (Bachelors in psych). Tired of the monotony, I am looking at another 40 years of this shit. Life | Depression |
i cannot talk to my friends about the way I am feeling because i feel like that would just burden them. one of my friends told me today she likes to hang out with me because i am in suck a good mood all the time. i am not. i have been thinking about killing myself all week. i feel like she is lying to make me feel better. to make me feel loved. but i just feel even worse. she also said i looked nice. my hair is a mess and I am not really sleeping so i have bad eye bags. she lied about that too. why do i seem happy to others if I am doing so bad. maybe I am not even doing as bad as i think i am. maybe I am just making this up and getting into my head too much. i feel like a burden to all of my friends | Depression |
ThrowawayIm female, 20 years old. Ever since I was 12 I have been on antidepressants, antipsychotics for severe depression and anxiety. My parents are divorced since I was 2. they have both been in relationships after. I have lived with my mother and majority of my life its just been us two living together. My brother lived with my father. My mother was in a relationship when I was 11. We moved in with him. He abused her mentally and physically. I heard everything. I saw the scars. Fast forward a few years later she dated another guy. I had met this guy before, we lived with him when I was around 7. It did not last. Last year we got a call that he had hung himself. My father does not understand mental illness. He often calls me a baby or a child and tells me to just suck it up. That its all in my head. My one and only serious relationship was with a boy online. It started when I was 14. Went on and off since I was 17. He said he would come to Canada and marry me. We would have an amazing life together and have kids of our own. I was so happy. Everyone around me told me he was mentally abusing me. I did not see it. But he would not let me have friends, he would get insanely jealous. I was not even allowed to go over to my female friends house, and when I did, he would get super angry. He controlled everything in my life. Got upset when I went to school and did not stay home to talk to him. Eventually he left me for one of my other friends online. I begged him to stay, I had never felt so broken. He did not. he would say awful things about me. The anxiety and depression got so bad I could not go to school. By this time, I was in grade 12. Every time I walked in the school, I had a panic attack. could not be around people. I tried online school, I could not do it. It was too difficult without a teacher. I still have not graduated. I have never had a job- its hard to leave my house. I cannot drive. I cannot cook. I cannot do anything by myself, my mother raised me to be super dependant. 3 years ago she started dating a guy (now fiance) she previously was best friends with. He was around me a lot when I was a child. I do not remember much. The meds make me forget most of my life including my school years. First couple years were fine. I eventually got really sick. Last year I developed severe ocd. Contamination ocd. I cannot touch anything he has touched. cannot have him in my apartment. My mother gets angry and blames me that she cannot be happy. I have tried 3 different meds since then, all the free therapists the government gives me. Nothing helps. They say I developed ocd as I most likely have psychological issues with men because of all the wrong they have caused me in my life. My family all acknowledges I need professional psychological help. They do not have the money for it. My mom is on permanent medical assistance as she has severe stage 4 endometriosis. My dad lives with his girlfriend who has kids, they cannot afford me or take me in either. My grandparents just want to live a chill retired life. They do not want me. My brother lives in a different province. This takes me to why I need to get out of here, though I have no place to go. Last night my mom got upset with me and said she wants her life back. she is sick of my mental illnesses and says she is going to have her fianc over. She acts like she forgets that I nearly starved to death last year, literally days away from starving, because I was too scared that what she cooked was contaminated because she was around him. The ambulance was called at my therapists office because he saw that I could barely stand up. I was shaking really bad. I was extremely malnourished. I was not able to shower for the same fear that she contaminated the shower. Again last year my mother called the police on me because I said I did not want to live anymore after she had threatened our relationship if he does not come over. She said that she would not watch movies with me anymore or be around or spend time with me at all (which really affected me because she was like my only friend. do not have barely any irl bc of my anxiety to leave the house and she knows this). Everyone I do talk to says that she emotionally abuses me so bad. I have a video of her saying that our relationship is nothing now anyways. This week she said she was going to lock me out of the fridge for getting a piece of balongne. She said that I have gluten on my hands (she has celiac) even though I did not even touch anything with gluten, and she said that I am probably the reason why she is been sick this past year. She wants to move in with her fianc, and I am the one holding her back. She always makes sure to let me know that I am the reason why she cannot have happiness in her life. She makes me feel like I am just a roadblock. And so much more. So when the police were called they came into our small apartment - 4 men. They forced the blood pressure machine on me even though I was crying telling them its contaminated. They told me to grow up and act like an adult. They told me that since they have been called twice now, that next time they are called they can put me in handcuffs and arrest me. It traumatized me so much. The self harm last year was out of control. Since that year I have gotten so much better by myself since my mother had been cooperating with me, giving me time to get better before she has her fianc over. I do not wear gloves inside my house anymore. I can eat. I can shower. I do not self harm. I have been socializing online a lot. However last night when she said she was going to start having him over I have fallen into some of the same habits. have not really been eating. Been super depressed. Been crying and shaking all day. I am scared it will be as bad as last year - probably way worse if he comes over. Hell contaminate everything just by being in here. I am so scared. I will not be able to leave my closed room. Ill be too afraid to eat or drink anything in fear of it being contaminated. I am so so scared. cannot stop shaking. Threw up after I tried to eat something. Last year I nearly died, I do not know what worse entitles. I am scared. I made so much progress. I do not want it all to be shattered. It will all be for nothing if she has him over. She will not let me get psychological help first either before she has him over. She says she cannot afford it and she is waited long enough. Shaking while typing this. Feel really sick. Stopped talking to my friends. Stopped doing anything except sitting in my room crying. She keeps threatening me that she will call the police again if I do not start eating. She says they will arrest me this time. But I feel so sick. I am so scared. No one can afford help for me. I cannot do anything. I am stuck. What do I do? I have psychological issues with men yet my mom is going to bring a man in the house. I am so scared. She does not care. I have tried reaching out to him personally and our family. No one cares. They all think I am being irrational. And that my mom deserves happiness too. They do not understand. No one does. And I am trapped. All I am is a roadblock. No one wants me. No one can take me. I am trapped in this home. It used to be the only place I feel safe, now its the scariest place. All I do is sleep because its the only time I am at peace. I cry every time I wake up because I realize I have to face this hell. I am trapped. I am scared. I have nowhere to go. What can I even do? I cannot drive to get out of here. I cannot do anything. cannot get a job to afford professional psychological help for myself. I am stuck. And its so so so scary. What can I even do? Throwaway - I need help, advice, anything. I am stuck. | Depression |
le supporter de seahawks regardant le supporter de autres quipes rentrer en depression apr s le trade d un franchise player http t co oy0e kaf r | Depression |
I should be happy, I have a supportive family and a decent job. But throughout my life I have struggled with severe anxiety and depression, and every decision, big or small, completely consumes me, sometimes for weeks. And because I overthink and lead with my emotions, I often make poor choices which leads to more anxiety and crippling regret. When I get good advice, I "think" myself out of it. I do not enjoy anything because my stomach is always in knots and my brain is on constant replay of what "could have been" had I done things differently. The only reason I carry on is because I have responsibilities to others and do not want to screw that up. I have tried talk therapy and some medication but the relief is temporary at best. I know this is wrong and completely non-productive, but I just cannot seem to break out of this self-destructive pattern. I make bad decisions and am consumed by regret | Depression |
the world ha been nothing short of a flaming corpse trash fire in these past few week there s no doubt about that but recently i can feel it around others when i m out in public no i don t have superpower lol i m just saying that i ve been getting this kind of collective i m so done with this shit vibe when i m out in public i don t know how else to explain it but everyone seems so exhausted and fed up it s like a butterfly effect since a lot of people have the same vibe right now i guess despite a lot of u being on the other side of the world it s certainly hard not to feel just how crazy these past few week have been it s like the pandemic already fucked people up for two year but now 0 just want to kick u while we re down with the current war it s neverending it s been hard for me a well i ve kind of been burying my head in the sand and focusing heavily on work and video game because holy shit is this world completely fucked up not to mention there s nothing i can really do about the situation and dwelling on it and obsessing over it isn t going to change the outcome even my friend on social medium have been talking a lot about how they ve been strangely depressed lately this situation is affecting everyone but with that said i really hope everyone pull through the rest of this month i m no military specialist so i m not even going to try and act like i know when all this will end but i hope the worst is over and that the war end soon there s a common saying thing will get worse before they get better i really hope that doesn t apply to the current situation the world need a break wishing everyone the best this week and stay encouraged | Depression |
All I did was make an adult decision. I got my first dose of Pfizer vaccine. I am an adult, it is my decision. My mother knew though. Somehow, she knew and she is furious with me. she is an extreme anti-vaxxer and she is now terrified for my life because I do not agree with her and made a decision for myself.She sends me the "evidence" and the "facts." Guess what? Flat earthers have those, too and she is not gullible enough to go for that one.She called me on the phone and said that if I get the second dose we will have to seriously think about me not living with her anymore. (Living with parents while I finish college.) I do not have the skills, the confidence, the degree for a real living-wage job. And although I know some people can power through both a 40-hr work week and a 40-hr school week successfully, I cannot. It would be even longer before I can get my bachelor's and move on to something I can actually succeed at. I hate feeling like I have stabbed her in the back just for taking care of myself. I feel like a traitor | Depression |
I am not trying to act all high and mighty, and I totally understand how it gets emotionally draining commenting under so many peoples post, but it hurts seeing so many post being ignored, even if you do not have any advice to offer reach out, even if it is something cheesy and generic like "stay strong man" or "do your best", etc, it will go a long way for someone is mental health. Please comment on people's post | Depression |
I was wondering if anyone knew of any online support groups for people who have a depressed spouse? Thanks Depressed spouse | Depression |
Yesterday was miserable for me. A holiday I absolutley loved. Had friends and would always light fireworks off and just be teens and have fun. Now 22, no friends, and living alone sucks. I was so damn low yesterday. I am pretty sure I had an emotional breakdown. I was crying and yelling as I rolled around in my bed. How can anyone go from being so happy to literally wanting to stop existing? I do not get it. I am numb again. I do not know what to do anymore. 4th of July was a trigger | Depression |
The other night I thought I had took enough to overdose and I got scared shitless. I do not know why.. I do not know why I am so scared of death | Depression |
Right I know this is going to sound like the biggest gurn ever but I really feel like I just need to get it off my chest.At the time of writing, I am 20 years of age. I have been in a relationship for 3 years now and we have been living together for one year. And I thought I was happy but I have looked back on my life recently and its filled with so many regretsWhen I was 18 my family and I got kicked out of our house because the person we were renting off decided to sell it, leaving us homeless. My mum and dad were able to stay at my sisters house and I was able to stay at my girlfriends. We thought we had it sorted in 3 weeks but it turned into 6 months before we got a house. The whole time I was working in a bar doing long, late shifts and I was not sleeping properly and constantly being sick because of it.We got a house sorted and three months later covid hit. I was put on furlough for three months before opening again. Just before I went back to work, myself and my girlfriend got our own place to live together. But things were not good whenever I went back to work She worked most mornings and I was always on the evening shifts so we never really got to see each other. I came home to her crying so many times and it was making me depressed because I felt so bad leaving her all the time . I then decided to find a new job to keep her happy and now I am in a job I do not like but i was able to finish at 5 so it made her happyA year has now passed and I feel like I am trapped. I feel like I have spent the last 3 years doing stuff to make her happy and not doing anything for my self and because of this I have seen so many opportunities pass me by because all I wanted to do was to make her happy because she took me into her home whenever I was homeless and I feel like I owe her so much for potentially keeping me alive. I do not want to see her upset but at the same time I am only 20.I feel like there is so much that I want to do before I get old. I do not want to waste my twenties in a relationship I am not sure I want to be in anymore but at the same time I am so scared to be alone because I do not think anyone else will ever want to be with me I wish I could just pack my bags and move to the other side of the world and start my life fresh and not tell anyone where I was going.I am sorry for such the long story I love yous all Trapped.. | Depression |
Hopefully something changes for the better I have given myself 246 days to get my life in order, or I am going to killmyself. Wish me luck | Depression |
My GF suffers from bad depression. She had become very distant and to me it felt like she was pushing me away. She started a new job and went really quiet. I took it as she had lost interest in me and I broke up with her. She could not seem to make time for me and I left for a trip and we had very little contact after I left. It seemed to me that she had no interest in having a conversation with me. She said that she thought I needed space, but idk why she would of thought that. She had became distant months ago and became more so as time passed. I am curious to know if this could be normal behavior of someone who is feeling overwhelmed and is moving through depression. All I wanted was to be there for her and to feel that she still cared. Once it felt like she did not care anymore, I could not do it any longer. I was very patient with her and would let her initiate any plans to hang out My GF was moving through a bad time of depression | Depression |
Why am I just never good enough? I had a pretty depressing and neglected childhood. My brother was always the favorite kid and anything I accomplished never mattered. If my brother even got 70 percent, my parents would literally treat him like a prince and if I got the same marks or more in fact I never even got single praise out of their mouth. When I was about 10 years I had to relocate to another city only because my brother was in a boarding school and he was very homesick. I was homeschooled for 2 years and no one cared about me. A real example, when my brother was in 10th he got about 68 percent in his board examination and he was sent for a trip with his friends because my parents were proud, and when I was in 10th I got 93% and I did not even get a well done or I am proud of you, it was just okay, why did you get fewer marks in science. I recently got the presidency for 2 departments in my school, and when I told my mother she just said okay, can you fucking believe it, just an OKAY. I just never feel enough, be it in my family, my friendships, or my relationship. Whatever I do, I can never be good enough. At this point, I do not even know if anyone cares about me for a second. I do not remember the last time I felt happy, all I remember is feeling sad, that is IT, THE ONLY EMOTION I FEEL. I hate feelings, I hate getting attached, I hate trusting someone, I have my mother, I hate it. I do not know if anyone will relate, but I always feel like I have lost myself. This just is not me. I lost myself and I cannot seem to find her again. It just does not get fucking easy, it is just torture. why am I never good enough? | Depression |
My wife is currently in an uncontrollable rage caused by depression (so angry I have had to leave the house). We do not have any real problems but she says she will not calm down til I apologize for what she is angry about.The problem is something really petty which she actually caused. I completely understand that she is in a confused mindset but how can I apologize for something I had no control of?I do not know what to do What should I do? | Depression |
theekween it help with depression loss of a loved one anxiety heart break or have witnessed something traumatic thelmasherbs | Depression |
Lately I have not been able to talk to anyone because I have been depressed and treated like crap by my family and friends. They all tell me I am too down all the time, I am weird and I need to get over it, other people have it worse and to talk to someone else about things so here I am. How is everyone doing? Just wanted to talk to people. | Depression |
so for awhile I have not been, yk 100% its been like that for years but two years ago is when everything kind of pushed me over the edge. I do not mean to get all daddy issues here but two years ago I saw my dad for the first time in six years, the circumstances on why I had to see him were not the best but who cares. The days prior leading up to seeing him again Id have panic attacks, it stressed me out thinking about him, it made me really tired and just did not feel like doing anything anymore, and when I saw him I blanked out. I met my younger half brothers (absolutely love them). A few weeks after is when shit started sinking in and it became overwhelming for me, I started attending school one day a week or not at all, Id have multiple panic attacks outside the school gate or silent breakdowns in my room and learning the things he did made me despise him. I could not bring myself to do things anymore. since then I have lost a bunch of people I once called friends, I dropped out this year at 17 and have no fucking clue what to do with my life I am going to be seeing him again in a couple days and I honestly do not know what to think or how to feel, I am just scared,tired and alone :/ Tired :T | Depression |
Has anyone tried rexulti before? Question: | Depression |
I was looking at some past friends social media and it made me realize even more how sad and pathetic my life really is. And yes before anyone says it I know social media is not real and only shows people the good sides and blah blah blah but still its clear these people are at least doing something in there life and trying to go after their dreams while I am just laying in bed..doing absolutely nothing for the past 4 years. Also I have no friends. I still really do not know why I have absolutely no friends like there are people who are absolutely shit and have tons of friends but I do not. At this point after this many years I have come to the conclusion I am just unlikeable for some reason. And I SWEAR to fucking GODDDD if someone tries to give me some advice on how to make friends. Trust me when I say I have done everything you possibly could to make friends. At this point I have given up and have decided to be friendless forever. Even if somehow someone all of a sudden wanted to be friends with me Id turn them down because Id be too pissed off that for some reason now that I do not give a shit about being alone now someone is trying to befriend me Id be mad. I am so behind in life | Depression |
Sorry if this is an unoriginal post, but I have noticed that evertime I get drunk I have this desire of to think about death. I asked my friend if he experiences this, but he does not.Also, I have had chronic/major depression for 5-6 years. I am on two two antidepressants as we speak (I know I should not drink, but my social anxiety will not subside). Desire to commit suicide when drunk | Depression |
I had cbt yesterday. My brother was angry because I did not want to talk about what feelings I discussed. He said he would not leave me alone until I answered. I do not want to talk about what feelings I discussed. He was saying how next time I should record the meeting and that they are pushing my mom out because she cannot sit in for the whole hour. My therapist said that I talk more in person when my moms not there and so he told me I should say less. I hate my life | Depression |
Work makes me feel like I am a slave trapped inside of a box. I have to put myself and soul into a prison cell for 8 hours while I apathetically get through the shift. How is this not suicidal? What part about that is fun? Its modern day feudalism at its finest. Jobs do not promote any individual growth. They just want you to willing to work 190 hours a week and do not give a fuck about mental health. They care zero. Instead you will be ostracized and scrutinized because you do not engage in the toxic one up culture every job has. It enslaves me and makes me feel uncomprehendingly trapped. There is a whole world out there and inside of me but I have to stand at this shithole for 8 hours? Id rather be dead. Who would not? Are you kidding me? The dread is unmatched. The dread is terrorizing and most people do not understand. They just tell me that is life. Some life we live. that is just such a joke to me. I have not even mentioned the miserable system. Its not just my job I hate. (I do hate it) but its working in general. The whole concept. People call me lazy but that is because they are brainwashed into believing selling your soul is the best way to live. Minimum wage jobs are so toxic. The management has zero regard for humanity, the employee morale is pathetically low, i do not give a fuck about the customers and they do not give a fuck about me. No one wants to be there. Then, you have to obtain experience to get a less shitty job and that whole process is miserable to. I wish I lived in a European or different culture where mental health and family relationships are more a priority then punching in hours on the clock. Sorry little brother, I cannot be there to support you for your game this Friday because I have to work and Ill be starving otherwise. Its so backwards. Fuck work Work makes me want to kill myself and no one understands | Depression |
I am just tired of everything, i cannot sleep at night because i overthink about something that happend recently. Everyone says it will get better but its not getting better, i do not know how to fix my life. I cannot feel any other emotion other than sadness. I am just tired | Depression |
I have been reaching out for help. I do EVERYTHING that I am told to help me feel better.Well today I called a place about the sexual abuse I went through as a kid. A charity that gives therapy to people who have gone through that.Well. Because I was not raped, it is not deemed bad enough. I was simply molested for 2 years by a neighbor as a kid so they do not think I can get help from them.I was referred to this place by a NHS mental health team who keep referring to these places. One place will tell me I am too severe to help. And now, this place says what happened was not bad enough. I was not even abused the right way. Even my abuse was done wrong.Which is the SECOND time I have heard it this week, about TWO different types of abuse. And then people have the cheek to ask me why I am so miserable. I am literally asking for help and doing all the rubbish I am told to do, and yet here we are.Damn. Just damn.(please no "it gets better". That makes me feel worse EVERY TIME) I was just told my abuse was not severe enough | Depression |
i don t really have any actual friend but i also have no motivation to actually make any i just can t be bothered but in a way i m almost scared to feel better again it s like i enjoy feeling sorry for myself or something | Depression |
I take all the advice I am given. I take my drugs on time, yet I still feel so fucking sad.I just exist. And I am tired. I have nothing left.I do not laugh. Food tastes like ash. I cannot sleep without medication.what is the point. I cut someone out of my life a week and a half ago because his inconsistency was making me anxious and now I just feel like I do not want to exist any more. I miss him so much.I have lost all my friends through being so insular. The GP said they could not help me because they were out of their depth with my ADHD.I do not know what to do. I do not want to die but I do not want to live either.When is it supposed to get easier? When is it supposed to get easier? | Depression |
I feel vulnerable so often that I am starting to become fed up with living. I just want to be free from my constant anxiety and depression. Even as I write this, I want to drop dead leaving behind my fears of the world. I mean, we are all going to die anyway, what difference does it make if it happens now? As much as I admire the human race, I am also terrified of it. I find that the most dangerous people are often the most average. Having that mentality, it is hard to not feel threatened constantly. I cannot be around other people without having a whirlwind of negative emotions such as fear, sorrow, anger, etc. Perhaps I spend too much time on social media but just by observing people, I find that they can be incredibly cruel. You can see this for yourself, just look at the comments section of any youtube video and witness the discourse and anger that flows naturally through people. In my home town, there are large masses of homeless people, and it makes me sad seeing so many folks hit rock bottom. I have seen groups of teenagers beat down on said homeless people right in front of me. I have seen people do drugs, yell, fight, stab, rob. I have seen women do the most awful things to their children in public without any repercussions. I have overheard people spread hatred of other people. I have had family members die in horrible ways. I had old classmates who ended their own lives. I witnessed a man try to commit suicide on the highway. And I swear, I think (I do not know for sure, but I think) I saw one of my neighbors take a child prostitute into his home. I feel like I am surrounded by a society of cruelty and violence. But for some reason, I cannot help but love other people. However, this love does not dissuade me from wanting to leave this world. As childish as it sounds, I just wish that I could be born into a life where these issues are nonexistent. Despite being disturbed by appalling human behavior, I cannot help but fixate on it. It just feels like there are few positives in the world, and I just want to free myself from it. Living is terrifying | Depression |
Okay, I have went 50 days with out watching porn despite being addicted for the last 8 years, I have started going to the gym and put on some muscle, I have tried to put myself out there.Why am I still so alone? "just take some time to work on yourself, it will get better after that" | Depression |
I have had a rough life to start off with, I am only 18 years old, my birthday is in less than a month to turn 19. Today on the way home from the movies I was dropping my friend off and it was pouring, backing out I ran over a large rock the size of a large basketball, did not realize it at the time,so I drove home and smelled burning, got home and saw the rock still lodged underneath my car, destroying my radiator and other key components, I believe it is totaled. This would be the third car I have totaled in the past 3 years. My father is extremely stressed and I do not think he will ever let me drive a car again, I am stressed about college as well having little to no desire to continue due to lack of being able to focus. I have no money and recently the girl I was in love with left me and got a new guy, I still think about her every day but I know she does not and it kills me. I have nothing I want to live for anymore and I am seriously considering ending my own life. I cannot deal with this stress anymore and I want to be free but I feel like I am a financial burden to my family, I feel like I have no future and I feel like I will never find love again. So in my eyes I have nothing, I know it would hurt my family but it would save them a lot of money and stress in the long run. I do not have many real friends who I can talk to, and I do not have any close family members who will listen so its like I am trapped in this by myself. I cannot take any of this anymore and I think I really am going to do this. I cannot take it anymore and I need help I am driving myself isane I think its my time | Depression |
I am still very depressed, but it is hard to recount my deep lows. Got to a point where I would lay in bed and eat my weight. Eventually, there was no differentiation between tasks like eating, jogging, watching T.V. It became laying in bed, and the anything else is "not laying in bed."did not care when I was dressed or had shoes when I drove around, I just did the goal, paid the bill. It was pure apathy, I did not care where or who I was, as long as I was not dying, it was O.K.Nothing had made me upset after getting to this point. I did not care that my hair looked awful after killing it, I did not care looking bad. It was comfortable to feel nothing, no worries, so I would not ever bother to leave.But at the end of the year, I looked in the mirror. 60 L.B.s overweight, no friends, no hobbies, no aspirations. Nothing. I did not recognize myself. The entire year felt like one long day of laying in bed. Did anybody get to a point where the only things you could say were "None of that matters anymore" | Depression |
I know most people try to help me, but my mother mainly, makes me feel like a sick bitch, she makes it very explicit that she talks to me practically just so I do not kill myself and she feels guilty, she does not really care about what I say or do she just wants to draw her conclusions by forcing me to things and taking me away from the things that bring me genuine joy, it is obvious she does not want to feel guilty if I kill myself but treating me like that, like a burden basically, only makes me feel worseshe also loves to say that in her time this did not exist and that it is my fault for feeling like this, she also says that I do not want to get better and keeps pressing me to say everything I feel all the time calling me boring and stupid if I do not speak or I cannot get it all out in the way SHE wants my mom treat me like a crazy bitch | Depression |