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SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [20 M] got played by a girl [20 F].
POST: So I am in college and I have never dated anyone before. This was up until a couple weeks ago, where I met her (Let's call her A). A was the first girl i have ever come close to having a relationship with. We went to breakfast everyday, went running, together, and talked a lot. It was great.
Well this all came crashing down yesterday, as something was off. We went to dinner with like 20 of my friends. When we reached the dining hall, one of A's friends joined us. Things were going fine until he began to text her...she moved away from me and ignored me for the rest of dinner. We headed back to a friend's room and hung out, until her friend said he had to "study". The two of them left.
20 minutes passed and I talked to one of A's friends. It turns out she would hang out and flirt with me, then go have sex with him (which was what they were doing). He wanted to be something more than FWB. It also turns out she is doing the same thing with 4 other guys. A and three of her friends also had a competition going to see how many guys from my dorm (all male, there's is all female) they could have sex with. We also had a movie night and it turns out the friend was at a party with another girl, so she wanted to hookup with me out of spite.
A was also in a bind because she developed some kind of feelings for me. She was torn and didn't know what to do.
Needless to say, I am completely down with her but it still hurts. My friends have been extremely supportive and that part is great. A was one of the first people I have really opened up to and to just be used and thrown away like that hurts. How do I move on?
TL;DR: | Girl used me, developed feelings, then threw me away. She does the same to other men. Now I am hurt and confused. |
SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Friends nudes got leaked, im tied in. need help
POST: okay, lets go back in time to a few months ago, maybe like.. 6, if not more. I'm in HS and there's this senior who i always thought was bomb asf. through super super shady means that i am in no way proud of i got a few full nude pics of her... ended up sending it to 3 other of my super super super close homies. like these guys are trustworthy and wouldn't do anything to double cross me or leak the pics or do anything at all with them.
Anyways, had the pics. started talking to the girl, turns out she's super cool, feel guilty, delete the pics.
present day, she comes up to me with tears in her eyes asking me if i used her phone to to send pics of herself to me and then deleted the message.. that's basically what i did, and at first i denied it but eventually i told her the truth.
well, i didn't tell her i sent them to anyone. and i denied sending them. tried explaining to her friends that i had em for a quick minute, got rid of them. haven't seen them in months.
apparently a few people (that i don't even talk to and hardly even know) have them and they're like on twitter and she told me that her life is ruined and that it's making things for her so much worse cuz apparently she's going through a rough one rn..
I don't know what to do, I want to help her in any way i can but don't know how. I trust my guys that they didn't do anything with them.
help.
TL;DR: | got girls nudes, sent them to 3 trustworthy people. deleted them, months later she confronts me about it saying people have em and its ruining her |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I[18M] got drunk and cheated on my gf [18F] (3 months) by kissing 2 other women
POST: Hi
I had a wild day a few days ago and don't even remember most of what happened that day. So my friends refreshed my memories and I then I started to panic.
Apparently I kissed with 2 random girls, I don't remember anything of it, but my friends are quite reliable. They were with me all day long and they won't lie on such a subject.
I feel extremely guilty and especially ashamed that I did this. I've been with my girlfriend for 3 months now. Most of you will probably say that that is a short time and thus I'm not taking it seriously.
Actually, I've been trying to get this girl for over 6 months, I got "friendzoned" by her and finally managed to get her to love me 3 months ago. She's just so perfect for me and she feels the same way about me. We've always talked about how we are sure that this relationship is going to last for a really long time.
I can really sense that she loves me deeply and wouldn't be able to receive such news from me.
I really don't want to tell her and just ignore the fact what I did and forget about it, since I don't remember it any more anyway.
On the other hand, she's always been so honest with me (although she never cheats on me). So I feel extremely guilty for not telling her.
I just don't want to hurt her and lose her, she means everything to me. I also have no idea how she would receive such news and would react to it, so I'm scared of telling her.
So I'm between a rock and a hard place here. One half of my friends say that I should be honest about it and the other says I should just keep quiet about it and forget about it.
My dilemma is choosing between honesty and losing the guilt or not telling her and pretend like nothing happened which won't hurt her in the process. Also, I'm not worried about my friends telling her, they don't have a connection with her anyway (in that way) and I know plenty of things about my friends, so they wouldn't do that.
TL;DR: | I kissed with 2 random women and don't remember it. I am feeling guilty towards my gf, but don't want to hurt her by telling her what I did. |
SUBREDDIT: r/Pets
TITLE: Routine spaying went wrong. Any tips on how to keep a sore cat calm and reasonably comfortable over the weekend?
POST: This isn't a medical question, or anything needing a veterinarian's advice, although if you are one feel free to chip in! Bess has a vet who is competent and is seeing her regularly through this. Just a simple advice thread.
We took Bess in from the streets at Christmastime, skinny and malnorished. She's come a long way since then but is still slightly underweight and funny about being handled except EXACTLY how she likes it. She was booked in for a spay this week, but it went a little haywire. They basically opened her up and nothing was where it should be, with the result that they had her open for much longer than intended, and the wound is a lot larger than any I've seen on a spay before.
They kept her overnight, but she's home now. We've been having a lot of trouble getting her antibiotics (tablet form) into her, as she hides the pills in her mouth and spits them out later. I've been crushing it and hiding it in food, but she's only eating the food very slowly so it takes half a day for her to get the full dose, and by that time she's due for her next one. We tried a pill popper, but she freaked out and almost tore her stitches trying to get away. Any tips we could use?
We also have a cone to go around her head because she's been worrying the area, but she can't eat with it on which is a problem because of the sporadic way she's eating and her medication being in her food we don't want to discourage her from trying to eat. So we have her in the lounge and a roster of friends/family coming around so there's always someone awake/there with her, which isn't ideal. Has anyone else had this issue? Any tips or hints for this situation would be greatly appreciated! She has a checkup on Monday, but we have a long weekend ahead of us.
TL;DR: | Bess needs tips on not being a pain in the butt patient. Any cat whisperers out there want the job? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: m[17] dating f[15] 8 month duration. My girlfriend has a huge problem with me talking to my close friend from middle school (whom i dated once for a week about 3 years ago, and realized being friends was more reasonable). Is my girlfriend being reasonable?
POST: I[m17] have been dating this girl[f15] for 8 months. I have a close friend[f17] that Ive known since 7th grade, which i dated my sophomore year for a week, and decided that being friends was much more reasonable. I took my girlfriend to prom, and she seemed to have a lot of fun, but in the middle of the dance, my friend pulled me away to go with her to get her keys from her coat. i went with, thinking my girlfriend wouldn't mind. A few days later, i was talking to my girlfriend and she told me that she didn't want me to talk to my friend anymore, and we got in a huge fight. The fight ended, and i promised not to talk to her, but I want to know. How reasonable is my girlfriend being?
TL;DR: | Girlfriend wanted me to cut off relationship with close friend I dated for a week 3 years ago, and have been friends since middle school because she says we are too close. Is she being reasonable? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My (25F) Best Friend (25F) of 20 years is selfish and doesn't even realize it...
POST: We have been best friends for almost 20 years. I have been warned many times by my own parents, my SO and others that she is, and always will be, selfish... Is, and always will, take advantage of me and my good nature... Is, and always will, manipulate things so they are never her fault. It's really starting to take a toll on me and I don't know what to do...
My SO is starting to get really sick of how she treats me and wants me to say something but I just don't have the heart to do it. I don't want the drama, and I know that no matter what I say, it will get turned against me somehow. I also know that if I say something, all of our other friends will end up taking her side because this is how it's been for years (we are all childhood friends).
I love her, and I know she is a good person at heart, but these traits are really starting to kill me.
TL;DR: | My BFF is selfish and manipulative and it's really starting to take a toll on me, I don't know what to do or say... |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: [16/M] I did something stupid and it hurt my girlfriend [16/f]
POST: I posted this to teen relationships advice but this subreddit seems much more active.
So this happened last Friday night. My girlfriend and I had only been dating for about 4 days, and I was at a party with my friends and my best friend (who was seemingly her best friend) and while this sounds like a recipe for disaster, it's not the worst thing.
I kissed her best friend, and we quickly stopped. I'd been drinking for the first time in ever, and I had had, for myself, quite a lot (two shots of tequila and two gins and tonics).
We both swore that we wouldn't tell my girlfriend what had happened, since my best friend was already on the rocks with her, as my new girlfriend gets angry fairly easily if I show any attention to another girl.
My bestfriend told her today JUST before I was about to meet her, and while I'm not angry about it since I should've told her a while ago, I don't really know what to do about the situation.
I've apologized to a great extent, offered her flowers which she refused, and it got to the point where she went home early from our date because she was so sad.
I like her alot but I've no clue how to keep her or how to make it up to her, as I'm mid GCSEs and I can't really go out on a limb to make some fancy dinner thing to ask for forgiveness, which was what I would normally have considered.
TL;DR: | I kissed my bestfriend when I had just got together with my gf now, what should I do other than say sorry? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: How do I [24F] not ruin everything with my amazing new boyfriend [26M]?
POST: Hey dudes.
Met this great guy two months ago. A month later, we were official and exclusive. He's a kind, handsome, funny, patient, loving, empathetic, down-to-earth (omg check out that honeymoon talk) person and I care about him an awful lot. It's mutual.
I have maaaaassive insecurities since a long-term boyfriend I thought I was going to spend my life with dumped me. Trouble believing I have worth as a person, am lovable, that this new relationship will work out, or that his feelings are genuine. I am so convinced it's going to end up with him getting sick of me and leaving me that I'm acting like a complete idiot, openly showing how insecure I am (yup, them self-fulfilling prophecies).
He's as much in the honeymoon period right now as I am, so he says everything's fine. But I know that at some point this shit is not going to fly anymore.
I have been actively going to therapy for more than a year but I'm still struggling with this. I was wondering if any redditors would be willing to share advice or their personal experience in regards to overcoming trust issues and insecurities before completely self-sabotaging a good relationship.
TL;DR: | Met an awesome dude who I greatly care for. How do I get over my insecurities so I can believe he's genuine about his feelings, believe in myself, and not sabotage everything?! |
SUBREDDIT: r/weddingplanning
TITLE: [Advice] Need help with approaching FSIL about not being a bridesmaid and not making our cupcakes.
POST: My FSIL is pregnant and is due 3 weeks after our wedding date, yay babies! We are very excited for her and her husband, this is also the first grand baby for my future in-laws (so as you can imagine everyone is very excited.) When we got engaged in October FSIL basically volunteered to make cupcakes for our wedding, which is very appreciated and sweet! (She made them for her own wedding as well and they turned out great.) We also asked her to be a part of the bridal party, because honestly IDGAF about bridal parties and traditions but it was important to FMIL.
Well, now that we know she will be super pregnant at our wedding, if not already given birth??!! I feel like I should let her know that it's 100% ok with me if she doesn't want to be in the wedding party. I'm worried that she will feel obligated and won't say anything. I'm prepared to at least let her know we are doing cupcakes through our caterer to make the day of easier on everybody.
I should also add that FH and I both do not live close to our families and both sides will be traveling from out of state to attend. FSIL and her husband are planning on driving for the wedding, which is about a 7 hour drive for them.
Ugh! I don't know what to do....FSIL and I are not close, I've been around her maybe 3 times in the 3 years FH and I have been together. So I don't feel like we can just have a heart to heart about this. We have pretty much nothing in common and our personalities are not at all alike. I want to be on good terms with her now and in the future, but I just don't know how to make that happen!
TL;DR: | Not close with FSIL who could be mega-prego during wedding or have a brand new baby. How do I tell her she can skip out on being a part of the wedding party? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [20 F] with my friend [21 M] I've known for a year, have no idea how to navigate this.
POST: Sorry for the cringey post.
He and I hung out alone a few times over the past month, and I think we fancy each other but I'm not sure. Seems like he's been kinda hanging around me. The last time I saw him I was giving him all the go aheads to make a move but he didn't, so before he left I flat out told him to kiss me, which he did. He always seems excited to see me but I've been doing a lot of the initiating so idk if he's really into it.
He was supposed to hit me up the day before he left to go home for spring break. I really wanted to see him so I could maybe bring this up, but he had too many things to do before he left and ran out of time. I wish he would've just told me earlier and not stood me up. But he could've just been avoiding me? He apologized and I don't really know how to reply or even if I should bother.
I recently got out of a toxic fwb situation and really don't know how the whole relationship thing works. I know I'm overthinking it but it's really hard for me to put myself out there because I don't want to make the same mistakes again and am still in recovery from a fucked up childhood.
TL;DR: | Got stood up by a friend who might be interested in me. He apologized and I don't know how to respond. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: Me [27M] with my ex-girlfriend [20 F] of 3 months suddenly left with no explanation
POST: I was dating this girl for 3 months but I met her last year. We started out as just friends with benefits until she said that she loved me. A few weeks after that she said she wanted to have kids with me and get married. I know it seems fast but I've dated many Women and I really feel (felt?) this one is special.
We are from different countries and I went back home for 2 weeks in order to grab more belongings because I was moving to her country.
Everything was fine until the second I arrived home. She started acting different, like not texting as much or giving short replies. She said she "didn't feel the urge to share things" and felt we were "growing apart." I kept asking her why and if we could speak on the phone. I think she got annoyed and so she finally said "I just don't see a future as in love related with us like I did at first"
What happened and what do I do!?
TL;DR: | After 3 months girl falls wildly in love with me, out of the blue says she doesn't see a love future with me anymore. How do I proceed? Stay friends? Give up? |
SUBREDDIT: r/offmychest
TITLE: My friend is suffering from a bout of depression, and I've been there myself, but I'm unbelievably hurt and sore that she'll probably bail on my 20th birthday party.
POST: I'm turning 20 years old next Friday. Here in Iceland, 20 is the legal drinking age, so it's a pretty big birthday.
I've never been the birthday type, but over the last year or so me and my two girl friends have gotten really close, I sincerely love them both. I'd been talking to one of them about hosting it at her place (My parents don't like me drinking at home), even offered coming over and cleaning the place by myself before the party, since she and her husband can get pretty messy. I've been talking about this for several months, so it's not exactly a new thing.
I just want it to be us four, me, my two friends, and her husband (if he wants to. He tends to be very hostile towards me, or at least that's how I feel. I rarely see him in a good mood, and on the occasions we do talk it feels like he doesn't take me seriously. I could be wrong.)
But, lately my friend has been suffering from depression. She's always been like this, she has ups and downs, and I totally get it. I wouldn't say I've suffered from this level of depression, but my mother was suicidally depressed for some years...
Her husband's birthday is tomorrow as well, so she'll be getting drunk with *him* and *his* friends, of course.
Considering how flaky she's been in the past when she was depressed, **I very highly suspect she'll bail on the party** and maybe not even let me know till the day before, since that's pretty typical of her behaviour.
I totally understand why. I get it that she wants to be alone for some time after so much social interaction. I **get it**.
***So why am I so fucking hurt?!***
I realized today that this'll happen and I've been crying on and off for several hours.
And considering the animosity I feel from her husband it wouldn't surprise me if he'd tell her to not help me out.
TL;DR: | = My friend is depressed and will probably bail on helping me host my birthday get-together. I'm a selfish fuckhead because I feel unbelievably hurt about it.*** |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Need help for my Canadian sister who is in the middle of a divorce and custody battle with her American husband.
POST: I've seen some great advise here on Reddit and when my baby sister asked me for advise, you guys were the first I thought of for help...
My sister (Canadian) met a guy in Detroit while visiting some friends at University. They got close and eventually married the American guy in Michigan. They moved together to Canada and had 2 kids. Long story short, he's a cheating scumbag who moved back to Detroit and left my sister by herself to raise 2 kids, both born in Canada. He's never held a stable job since I met him. I even set him up with a $20/hour under the table work while working on getting is Canadian citizenship and proper work visa. He managed to fuck that up too. Not showing up, going in late, etc...
After he moved back to Detroit for many years she tried to work things out. She wanted her kids to know their father and perhaps he have a change of heart and help her raise their family. After more of his bs she finally wants to take the right step and divorce him and take full custody of the kids. Also, she wants to get child payments from him. He has hardly been in the children's life and barely holds a job. He also has 2 other kids from another woman who's salary is being garnished to pay for them.
My question is. As a Canadian woman living in Canada, when she goes to Michigan and serves him with all the legal work will she be entitled to anything? Or because he is an American living in the US, is she SOL? Can the US courts garnish wages for 2 families? I know this is fucked up, I told her this from the getgo.
TL;DR: | Canadian Wife wants to divorce American husband and have full custody of kids and for him to pay child support. Can it be done? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [21 M] with my girlfriend [19 F]. Different expectations? Lack of communication?
POST: We used to date some time ago. She broke up with me 4 months ago and 3 weeks ago we got back together. I guees? We're dating, nothing serious though... we don't make plans together, we don't spend a lot of time together, we don't text very often but when we meet it's always awesome.
Anyway, beside the lack of texting and meeting twice a week we also didn't have sex yet. When we first started dating we were both Vs. After the break up I decided to start hitting on girls, I got laid, couple times. Dunno about her. She likes to takes things slow. We didn't talk about that yet.
I don't feel any pressure on having sex, right now, here, go ! No, don't get me wrong. I liked it and I'd like to have sex with her but I don't want to rush things.
* Should I talk to her about that matter?
* If so, when would be the right time? Last time I tried to make a move she wasn't up for that. Too early I guess.
* How to make things a little more serious? I'm a total newb in relationships. How to show her I want something more?
TL;DR: | Got back with ex and we have no sex. Wait or come up with the topic? Plus, how do I make things a little more serious? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: [18/F] I'm into this guy..but all of his friends are into me.
POST: Okay so basically I hang out with this group of friends, and I don't know that they actually consider me a friend because every guy in this group tries to get w me.
Long story short, I ended up meeting one of them and am actually into him, but a few months ago(before I even knew this guy existed) I drunkenly made out w one of these guys and when he found out his friend and I were talking he got really pissed.
The guy I was talking to said he would talk to him about it and after he did he never spoke to me again. Now the other one is trying to talk again.
TL;DR: | I don't know what to do. Should I just give up on this guy I really like or should I keep hanging out with his friends who I'm not even interested in because then I'll get to see him? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Has anyone else ever had a crush on someone for eternity and forever? Me [19 F] him [20 M]
POST: Gosh, I feel like I just need to talk about this, okay so I'm a female and there was this one guy I met at a party a few years ago (I was in high school at the time) and he was absolutely beautiful and I felt like the earth was gravitating towards me or some sort of cosmic force just wanted me to go to him and just touch him or something haha.
It's like I adore and idolize this image of him I created in my mind, every cell of me wants to go and touch him and just feel him, it's even been like 2-3 years since I've met him and we've probably only shared like 5 sentences this whole time, but it's like when I see him around I feel this connection and get so nervous. It's absolutely the most alien feeling ever. Now I think I'm pretty normal, like don't think I'm a creep, I'm good looking and do well in the relationship area and date casually, go out, go to school, lead a steady life. I just want to clear that up haha.
But this is so strange because I know he's not my type, i.e. drinks and smokes excessively and just doesn't seem like someone who I would want to actually pursue a LTR with, but it's like when I see him and he looks at me he just completely blows me away. I've heard he has a crush on me so I know he likes me at least to some degree. But gosh, when he looks at me I get so tense. It's crazy. I just need to know, has this happened to anyone else!? I feel totally psycho for this fixated crush but I just need some stories from others to read or reassurance that I'm not just some crazy person. Also side-note, even with hearing about his less than favorable reputation, I still like him after everything! So there's that haha.
TL;DR: | have had a huge crush on someone for the past couple years even though I know I would never want to pursue a life with some like him. Has anyone had an experience like this!? Stories encouraged! |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Meeting girls in college isn't what I [19 M] expected
POST: Well, I don't even know exactly what I expected. I mean, I had heard that college is supposed to be the optimal time to meet and talk to girls, but it's just not happening for me. I'm almost half-way through my 2nd year of college, and to say that my love life is barren would be a gross understatement. I go probably 3-5 days a week without even talking to a girl. Most of my time is spent doing school work, birding, and hanging out in my dorm. I just can't grasp how other guys find girls with such ease. It's not that I'm feeling unhappy; I just have the feeling that there's "something" missing.
Personality-wise, I'm introverted, somewhat self-centered, and I feel that the way I think about my relationships with others is becoming more analytical than romantic. So, I think it's fair to say that the number of "suitable" girls for me is lower than for most people. Therefore, because of my personality, it seems I would have to meet a higher number of girls in order to meet someone I would be interested in, but, ALSO because of my personality, I naturally talk to FEWER girls than most others do. Perhaps this means I'm simply "destined" for a life of minimal romantic experiences.
I am already part of a club for people who enjoy nature (one of my greatest passions). There are several girls in it, but half of them have boyfriends, and I only get to talk to any of them once a week at most anyways. The one girl that I talk to on a weekly basis is my physics lab partner.
Maybe I'm asking the impossible by wanting to make the most out of this so-called optimal time in my life, but I just have no idea what to do or where to begin.
TL;DR: | I want to take advantage of college as an optimal time to meet girls, but I'm very introverted/analytical, and I have no idea where to even start. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [26 M] with my coworker [26 F] Office flirting, now confused?
POST: I spend about 6 months trying to get my cowoker to agree to go on a date with me to have a few drinks, finally she did and it was amazing. We had a great time and talked about everything but work, she told me she like romantic things and other things, it was great.
After we where done drinking we headed back to our cars, she instantly grabbed my arm when we left the bar. We walked back and said go night and went home. Next day at work we talk almost all day on chat. I get off about an hour before she does so when I got off I noticed her car was parked next to mine, so I thought it would be cute to leave her a note saying to have a good rest of the day.
Next day she does not talk to me at all really, and says she cant go on another day and it was a one time thing and that I was to intense with leaving a note for her on her car. I think she has had boyfriends that kinda moved to fast and scared her and I think maybe she feels like I would do the same. I have no idea what to say to her or what to do, please someone help me.
TL;DR: | Went on a date with coworker and it went amazing, two days after she stopped talking to me because she felt I was being to intense because I left a note on her car after work. How do I fix it?? |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by putting my arm around a random man at Heathrow
POST: This happened while traveling back from a week-long business trip to London. I was in the rental car drop off "shack" with my fellow American travelers trying to help sort out some issues with the car when I spotted someone from the back that looked like a friend of mine. Now, I knew that this friend was traveling to China that week so, of course, the person I saw from the back was my friend. Of course he was. So...without giving it a second thought I went up to the "stranger" and put my arms around his shoulder. Now, as soon as I did this I realized that this man was quite a bit more solid than the friend that I was convinced had found himself with me in the rental car drop off. You know...because he was going to China that week. Undeterred I fought the feeling that something wasn't quite right and proudly exclaimed, "I bet you never thought you'd see me here did you?" As soon as as I said this the man turned to me and uttered a single, accent-laden "Yah...?" I realized that I had completely mistaken him for my friend and said, "Well...have a good trip." walking away before he could respond. My fellow travelers looked at me as I returned and I shrugged my shoulders. No one said anything more about it and the more I think about the assumptions I made about who he was the less I trust in any decision I will be making from now on.
TL;DR: | Arm around random stranger whom I mistook for my friend at Heathrow made me feel less sure about my ability to make decisions. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Am I (23/f) justified in ignoring my (m/56) father?
POST: So I was living with my father a couple of months ago, and during an argument he became incredibly physically aggressive towards me (squaring up to me whilst yelling, crashing in to my room unannounced). First time he's ever displayed such aggression towards me. I've always been a daddy's girl and he's always been good to me except in the last year or two when I've grown up and our differences have become apparent. It's also clear that he has a lot of unresolved issues/anger problems.
I felt genuinely afraid that he was going to hit me and from that moment onwards I started to feel nervous around him/feel like I had to change my behaviour (typical abuse type behaviour).
We did talk about it, but he wasn't willing to fully accept responsibility for his actions, pushing the blame back on to me (basically saying I caused him to act in that way because my words were nasty and wound him up).
So anyway, I gtfo of there as soon as I could, and since then have only spoken to him once over the phone and that was about 2 months ago now.
I'm starting to feel guilty about not staying in touch, but another part of me just feels angry when I think about how he treated me. (There was another occasion when he severely betrayed my trust as well, and that adds to my feeling of anger). Basically, I feel conflicted - am I justified in going pretty much no contact with him until I decide otherwise? I didn't officially tell him that I wasn't keen on maintaining a relationship with him after that argument (I had to continue being cordial until I could get out). Or should I speak to him?
TL;DR: | Father was physically aggressive towards me, I've now gone no contact but feeling conflicted about what the right thing is to do. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [19 M] am in love with this girl [19 F]. Who is sadly a lesbian.
POST: so, I've been in love with her for about 5 months now. I've tried my hardest to let it just pass as to not upset her by making any attempts but I just can't hold it in any longer and I need help.
We talk a fair amount, messages every day and she's just the most amazing person I've ever met. it's hard to describe but we've all been in love at some point so I'll just leave it to you instead of describing the circus act in my stomach every time I see her.
I sometimes think I'm getting vibes that she likes me back but it's hard to tell, she's just so incredibly friendly to everyone she meets.
I know this isn't a lot to go on but it's hard to say much more, any advice would be good advice right now.
TL;DR: | I love a lesbian, she's pretty fan-fucking-tastic, please for the love of all that is holy help. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My boyfriend [21M] and I [21F] are considering getting engaged and saving the wedding till after grad school.
POST: My boyfriend [22M] and I [22F] have been together for three years now. We were best friends who fell in love, and I swear, we have one brain.
This summer we are both applying to grad school. I'm going to med school and he is wanting to get his Ph.D in math or software engineering (he works with parallel processing). So for the next 4-5 years we are going to be in school. We are applying to schools in the same places, really hoping we will at least be in the same state, but there is a good chance that we will be long distance.
We have been talking about marriage for over a year now. Neither of us want to have a long distance marriage. We want to wait until he has his Ph.D and I am in my internship or residency to get married and start living together. But we have tossed around the idea of getting engaged before we leave for grad school.
We already wanted a long engagement, a year or more, so we could enjoy it and we could spend more time planning our (small) wedding. Now that we are discussing this, I think 4 years would be pretty great for planning. Then we could reserve a location 2 years in advance, take our time on making decisions and arrangements, have more time to save money, and avoid becoming a bride/groomzilla. Also, by the time we would be getting married we would have been dating 7 years. We know we want to spend the rest of our lives with each other already, but after 7 years of dating, I don't think we could be more sure that we want to get married.
However, I've also heard that long engagements are really hard on couples. I mean, there was even a movie called the 5-year engagement (that I never saw, I just know the long engagement was a negative thing).
I have no experience with this, so I am asking you guys. Do you think a 4-5 year engagement throughout grad school, with possible long distance is a good or bad thing? Any advice?
TL;DR: | Boyfriend and I considering getting engaged now, but waiting on the wedding for 4-5 years until after we are both out of grad school. Is a long engagement a bad idea? Or is it beneficial/ nothing wrong with it? |
SUBREDDIT: r/dating_advice
TITLE: I feel like a total shithead - High School Junior(s)
POST: Okay, so a little bit of background, I've never had a real girlfriend and am almost always pretty wimpy when it comes to girls. I can't read them, and so I have no way of knowing whether they are interested or not.
I'm on the school newspaper and I was working with this one girl on my page for the paper. She was really cute and nice and all that so I was really glad I was her partner. We didn't have anything to do for a while so we drove to get pearl milk tea and it was super fun and there weren't any awkward lulls in conversation. The problem is, I have no fucking idea whether she is interested or anything. I just can't read her or anyone else.
I was at school today and she saw me and smiled and waved so I waved back, but then at the newspaper, she didn't even acknowledge me. I looked at her a couple of times, but she was never looking at me.
I know I should go up and talk to her, but whenever I like a girl, I can never talk to them normally and be my usual funny self. I start to idealize them in my mind, then I can't act normal around them. I act like a total shitface when I talk to girls and it sucks.
I don't know what to do because I do like her, but I can't talk like a normal person. This has happened before with a couple of girls, where I just can't read them so I think they don't like me, then I find out later that they did.
Should I just ask her out or something?
UGGGGHHHHHH what do I do?
TL;DR: | I like this girl, but when I like girls I act like a total dumbass and so I'm unsure of what to do about her and about this problem in general |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [25 F] with my husband [29 M] of a year (together for 6 years), he's going through a midlife crisis or similar and I'm not sure how to help
POST: My husband is a very intelligent man and is very well educated. The problem is that he is having trouble finding work in his field. He went back to school to become a high school history teacher and there aren't very many jobs.
I always thought that he didn't try hard enough to get a teaching job. He would send out resumes and apply online and that's it. No followup, no school visits, and he refused an opportunity to fill in as a maternity leave substitute because he was working in retail and didn't want to potentially be left totally without a job after the job ended.
I take my fair share of blame because I shouldn't have told him that he should be doing more, and I've apologized and we've moved past that (it was several years ago). I'm kind of a know-it-all so I absolutely made it worse so I try really hard to keep my silence now.
The problem is that this was probably 3 years ago and he can't let go of the dream of being a teacher, but he doesn't really go after it either. The result is depression and listlessness. He applies half-assed to any job that floats across his perception.
He wants to move out of retail and into a career, but he doesn't know what he wants to do.
So please help me figure out how to help him. He doesn't seem to know what to do, and when he picks something I'm afraid he won't throw himself into it enough to actually make something happen. I don't know how to be supportive and he's going through something I don't understand.
Thank you!
TL;DR: | Husband going through possible mid-life crisis concerning his career, doesn't know what to do, doesn't seem to want to try, how do I help and support him? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: After 2 years of deep love she's [19/F] suddenly in love with someone else. I'm [20/M] feeling destroyed.
POST: We've been dating for 2 years now. We had our ups and downs, but at the end we loved each other. We could trust each other so much that jealousy fights never ever happened.
So, it happens that this summer she went to Peru for a 6-week humanitarian mission and posted lots of wonderful pictures.
At the beginning, all she was saying was along the lines : *"I love you, I should be with you right now, I can't wait to come back, I want to see you at the airport, I'm crossing the days on a calendar until I come home"* etc etc....
She even cried her heart out on Skype about how much she missed me.
And then she went for a road trip accross Latin America, 6 days without any kind of possible communication between us.
Long story short, exactly 12 days after her last *"I love you, I miss you so much..."* she just told me out of the blue *"I think I'm in love with someone else..."* and she couldn't stop apologizing. I asked her what the hell was that supposed to mean for us, and she replied *"I think we should stop seeing each other... If I have those kind of feelings for someone else, it means that I shouldn't be with you"*.
Well... What do I do now ? We will see each other in ten days.
I'm feeling really destroyed right now. I lost appetite, I can't sleep, I can't smile... I can't socialize.
Reddit, what do you think ?
TL;DR: | My girlfriend of 2 years suddenly fell in love with someone else. I can't understand what I did wrong or what the hell happened. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: His mother doesn't want us to date!
POST: I've been dating for my boyfriend a little longer than a year now. I love him; he's my everything. Although we are really really young, I know I want to be with him for a long time. About 8 months ago, I cheated on him with my best friend. This wasn't an intentional cheat, but my friend kissed me and I just kept it a secret from my boyfriend. A few months later, my boyfriend found out through Facebook (Someone posted it on his wall). I know, that's the worse way to find that out. It cause a lot of drama and hurt between us, but we worked everything out.
Lately, he's been acting a bit different. He never comes over to my house and I never go over to his. My mother hasn't even met his yet! I asked him about it, and he said that his mother doesn't want him to date me because of what happened. I know what I did was wrong, but is this blowing things out of proportion? I ended all communication with the boy who kissed me and I'm generally a good girlfriend. I love him, but it's hard to date him when his mother is against it. What can I do to make things right between me and his mother?
TL;DR: | kissed another boy and now my boyfriends mother doesn't want me to be with him anymore. How do I fix things? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: How do I successfully pull off "bros before hos" in this situation?
POST: This is probably one of the weirdest situations I have ever been in. One of my close friends started dating an ex-girlfriend of mine. Neither of them have mentioned it to me, or even mentioned that they even go to the same school together (one of them transferred this past semester and i found out through a mutual friend). I have no problems with their relationship, but i am wondering how to warn my friend that about the following information:
a) she cheated on her previous boyfriend with me (I know, im a scumbag.)
and
b) she sent dirty pictures to guys on the internet while with the same boyfriend.
My main question is should i give this information to my friend and if so how do i accomplish this without him thinking im jealous of/trying to ruin his new found relationship?
Thanks so much for your help and sorry for all the whining!
TL;DR: | My close friend started dating my ex-girlfriend who has a history of infidelity. How do i get this information across to my friend without sounding petty and ruining my friendship? |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU and now have a large scar on my tailbone
POST: I am about 125-130 pounds and my height is I suppose 5 foot 9 or 10.
I wanted to start getting in shape to gain some weight and muscle so I have been recently been working out every other day. My reason for working out was I was sick of being known as the skinny kid and I noticed my stomach didn't look as good as it once did, my way of fixing that was doing situps.
Now I usually work out in gym shorts on the ground or on a situp bench but I live in Florida and it's now summer so it's hot as hell and until this week gas was too expensive to go anywhere. I decided I would stay home and do my situps in my room on the rug, this was a bad idea, after hitting number 85 I felt this extremely warm spot on my ass. I thought nothing of it as I usually have problems sitting on the floor for long that makes my cheeks numb so I just checked it off as that and continued. When I hit 100 I felt this extremely sharp pain and took it as an indication I was done and something is horribly wrong. I went to touch the spot that hurt and felt something like a wet leather material sticking out of my lower back. I got a mirror and proceeded to check in the bathroom.
To much of my surprise I had not only rubbed my tailbone raw but under that I can only assume the friction from my situps caused me to burn a clearly indented defined hole on my right ass cheek next to the tailbone.
It has pained me to sit down for days now but I have put some numbing solution on it and cushioned myself when I sit with a jacket.
TL;DR: | Wanted to work out my abs, ignored pain in lowerback, hit 100 situps and burned a hole on my ass cheek. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [20M] unsure about whether this is the right time to tell [19F] I like her
POST: So, this girl I've been talking to recently stopped talking to her ex, that she probably still kind of likes. She stopped talking to him because he apparently blocked her for another girl. This guy is confused on what he wants. He still kind of has feelings for the girl I like, but right now he's trying to please the new girl that he has (because she thought he already moved on from the girl I like).
I like her, and I'm not sure if right now is a good time to her that because she just recently stopped talking to him. However, I don't have much time as I'd like to tell her in person and I'm going back to school soon. I guess you can say that we'll have a temporary long distance relationship assuming I tell her I like her and she is willing to have a relationship with me.
What should I do?
TL;DR: | Girl I like recently stopped talking to guy she likes. School is about to start soon, so I would be temporarily doing a long distance relationship with her assuming everything goes well. Should I tell her I like her? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My FWB's [22,M] father just died and I [19, F] am worried about how it will affect us emotionally
POST: I started a new job in January as a server. A coworker and I began flirting and it was pretty innocent. We went to a coworker's 21st birthday and I got drunk for the first time. He helped me through it and let me stay the night at his house so I wouldn't drive drunk. We ended up making out.
When I was sober we talked through what happened and decided to be friends with benefits. I have since been over 3 or 4 times for sex and talking. No dates, no eating meals together, no movies, no relationship. We aren't facebook friends or anything.
His father just had a heart attack and I was one of the first people he called. He said he wanted to hear my voice and it would calm him down. We talked for a bit and he said he would update me. His father never woke up from his coma and passed the next day. I want to be supportive and be there for him. He has a lot of friends and family helping him out. I just don't know how to proceed because I do not want him to lean on me or bond with me emotionally, but I want to be there for him as a friend. I definitely care about him I don't know how to treat the situation.
Thank you for reading.
TL;DR: | I started a fling with a coworker for casual sex. His father died suddenly and he is turning to me for emotional support. What do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [27 F] with my boyfriend [27 M] of 1 month, and I want to sleep with him every night
POST: My boyfriend lives with his brother.The brother is not very nice.
I live in a shitty small apartment about half a mile away.
I want to sleep with my boyfriend almost every night even if we dont hang out every day.
My boyfriend doesn't like my apartment. I don't like it either.
My boyfriend doesn't want to sleep together every night. He wants ~3 nights per week where we don't see each other at all.
I am aware that this is reasonable.
He also wants to slow things down.
I just don't have time to waste. I really love him but we have not used those words with each other.
Here are his reasons for wanting these three nights per week away:
1. "its bothering my brother that you come over every night"
2. "we've only been dating a month, it's too soon to sleep together every night"
3. "i think we should have nights where we just do other things and dont see each other"
However, he always is the one to invite me. BUT i once got mad at him for not inviting me after like 6 days of not seeing him, so maybe he feels obligated now.
TL;DR: | I told my boyfriend i need to sleep with him almost every night; a few weeks later he told me he needs to not sleep with me every night. I love him. How to approach?? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me[19F]. My guy friends [22M] asked to be monogamous, but doesn't want to be 'dating' or to call me his girlfriend, is this normal?
POST: Also, if there's a better sub for this, please let me know! I just really need advice.
I've known this guy only for a few weeks, and we've (more like he's) decided to be monogamous. But the kicker is he doesn't want to date, or call me his girlfriend. We've spent almost the past 5 days exclusively in each other's company, and I get the feeling he likes me more than I like him.
My thing is, is this normal? I wouldn't mind dating him, but I also don't want to see only him if we're NOT dating. I kinda feel like he thinks he owns me or something, or that maybe he's 'called' me. I've been talking to other guys, but have refrained from going out with them to respect his wishes, but it's starting to chafe. I just keep thinking 'shit or get off the pot' you know what I mean??
Is this normal? Do adults date this way? Any advice on this would be appreciated.
Also, for clarification: We go on dates constantly, and if anything, he's been asking to be monogamous for a while, and I've been the one shutting him down. I've finally just agreed to get him to shut up- but he takes me out all the time, all his friends know and lime me, and my friends he. The past 5 days I have spent 80+ hours in his company (including sleeping, lol)
He just seems to take issue with calling me his girlfriend- I don't know if it's a label thing, or a commitment thing? He dated a girl for 5 years, but they broke up more than a year and half ago, so I just don't understand his hesitancy. Or maybe he thinks we don't know each other well enough... I dunno. It does make me want to kinda just say "see ya" though.
TL;DR: | guy doesn't want us to fuck other people anymore, but also doesn't want to call me his girlfriend, what do I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [18 M] with my best friend [18 M], he admitted feeling for my gf [18F] of 1 1/2 years. admitted feelings for her. I don't know what to do?
POST: My best friend, lets call him Ricky, has just admitted feeling for my gf, lets call her Sammy. I have been best friends with Ricky for over four years, and am going to college with him for another four. He is one of my closest friends in the world. Sammy and I are in a great relationship, and like couples do we fight a little bit but overall the good outweighs the bad by a longshot. My girlfriend and I plan to stick together through college.
So my girlfriend and I were going through a tough time for the past two weeks because we have been very busy and I have been depressed which led to troubles in the relationship. We had a fight and talked about it, and worked things out. The day after we cleared things up, Ricky talks to Sammy alone and confesses his feelings. This was a week ago.
My four friends (including Ricky), Sammy, and I are currently on a vacation at my families lake house. Sammy told me about Ricky's confession on the drive up (we took two cars). She claims that she didn't want to ruin our perfect week (because the week after the fight has been great for the two of us planning for the vacation) by telling me about Ricky.
I talked to Ricky and he said that he would not act on anything, but had to get it off of his chest. I told him that he should have come to me first and that he is no longer allowed to be alone with Sammy anymore (because they both work in the same town and i work 1hr. away).
Now that we are all at the vacation, it is driving me nuts. The whole drive up they were texting (because I was driving, and it was a 11 hr. drive). Everytime they are in the same room or alone together it drives me nuts. I don't know if I can trust Ricky and I know that Sammy wont cheat (because she was cheated on by her previous boyfriend and has very emotional ties to staying loyal) but I have no idea how to proceed. Please help. I really want to keep my good friendship with Ricky and my amazing relationship with Sammy.
TL;DR: | My bestfriend admitted feeling for my gf, and we are stuck on a vacation together and everytime they are in the same room it drives me crazy. How/Can I salvage my friendship and my relationship??? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [18F] with my Mother [40sF], she is acting suspicious?
POST: Not sure if I should be posting here, but recently my mother has been acting very suspicious. Now i don't want to come to any conclusions but she has been on her phone non stop, when previously she would only use it for work calls. I know she's using whatsapp to talk to someone, yet when I ask she tells me its a friend or that she's sending emails to work colleagues, which you would not do on whatsapp? Recently she has also been taking "work calls" out in her car, when previously she would speak with collegues in the house. I have been feeling a little odd about this but she has mentioned she made a friend online, and I dont see anything wrong with that, so I may just be feeling paraniod. Yesterday she had been on her phone for a long time, so I went and sat next to her and tried to peak at her phone (sorry, invasion of privacy), I couldn't make out much as she turned it away from me but I did see a heart emoji.
I guess what I am asking here is if I should ask her about it? Or if I should mention it to my dad? Or if I should just keep my mouth shut as it might be nothing/not my business?
TL;DR: | Mother texting someone 24/7, making calls in her car and sending heart emojis to someone on whatsapp. Suspicious? |
SUBREDDIT: r/offmychest
TITLE: Fuck working on Sundays
POST: My shift started at 10:00 AM and I woke up at 10:08 AM, so once I saw the time I was immediately induced into a state of panic while being half-asleep.
I grab the first pair of clothes I could find and rush to the shower, and at this time I receive a phone call from my boss (about 2 minutes after I wake up). Me knowing that he's going to be asking where I am at, I don't pick up so I can have time to formulate a good excuse.
I just rush through everything. I take a quick 2 minute shower, and leave right after. Stopped by Dunkin' Donuts and swallowed a chicken bacon sandwich, even stopped by a local Walmart to buy some deodorant so I don't smell like a dead animal after I do physical work.
I pull up in front of my job still thinking about what I'm going to say, but then I noticed his car is not there. So I give him a call..
He picks up, and tells me to stay home because he was getting some bad allergy reactions to pollen.
.. well. At least I didn't have to lie to him about why I was late.
TL;DR: | Woke up late for work, could've gone back to sleep and avoid a stomach ache, and a trip to Walmart if I had just picked up the phone |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My girlfriend [21F] with her best friend [20F] of 5 years, friend agrees she puts no effort into friendship but won't change
POST: My girlfriend was recently told by her best friend (G) that since they are no longer flatmates G won't have time to visit gf even though they only live about 10 minutes away from each other.
I have always thought that G was not a good friend to gf as she does very little for others if it involves her going at all out of her way and this is only the most recent example. Another being the time where G listed all the problems she has with gf and sent them to her for improvement. G is the sort of person who believes she is being honest and upfront but instead is rude and blunt with how she feels about people.
Despite this gf and G consider themselves best friends and do get along most of the time so understandably gf is very upset that her "best friend" said herself that she has no effort to come and visit and effectively declared that they won't see each other unless gf adheres to G's schedule and comes to her place. My gf has a full time job whereas G has a more flexible schedule though still claims she will be busy for the next year (without valid reason).
I recommended that gf tell G how she feels since G has acted like this in the past but has never been called out on it and I don't like to see gf's emotions sidelined. However, gf still values the relationship and does not want to cause an argument so I am looking for advice as to how gf can let G know that her feelings are hurt without destroying the friendship (G tends to be very defensive so would not acknowledge that it is in anyway her fault).
I am looking for r/relationships advice as to whether this friendship can be/is worth saving and what I or my gf can do about this situation. Thanks in advance.
TL;DR: | My gf is no longer flatmates with her best friend who told her she could not be bothered to put in the effort to visit and is too busy to see my gf for at least the next year. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My best friend (30F) is dating and living with my ex husband, tried to be cool about it but can't.
POST: So the description says it all mostly.
Backstory;
I was married to my ex for 3 years, and divorced bc I found out he was cheating on me. We have a little girl who is 6 years old now. We have been divorced for about 3 years.
Him and I have always tried to remain friends, because although he might be a bad husband he was never a bad Dad. Back this past February he hung out with me and one of my best friends. After we all got done hanging out he told me he thought she was cute, I told her, she said she thought he was cute as well but "he is you're ex and your baby daddy so I can't really do much about it". Me, trying to be the better person, because I am in a happy relationship said "hey whatever, who am I to disrupt happiness" and told them that they could go on a date.
I never really expected either of them to go for it, but they did, and I know that's my fault for telling them that it's ok. We had extensive talks about it, both with the best friend and the ex-husband, both promised nothing would get weird and nothing would get in the way of friendship.
Everything was great for a while, her and I continued friendship and she was a big help with getting my daughter ready for school. He continued to be a good Dad and we (me, my boyfriend, best friend, ex husband) all managed to hang out and have drinks a couple times.
Well, guess what?! SURPRISE! SUPRISE! Shit got weird! My ex-husband has been lax on paying child support and with helping out in general. I haven't talked to my "best friend" in 3 weeks (we used to talk at least twice a week and text several times a day).
I miss her, but things have obviously changed. I know it's my fault, am I best to cut my losses and move on??
(Sorry if this is wrong subreddit, trying my best here)
TL;DR: | My best friend and ex-husband (and baby daddy) are dating, have been for months after my permission, things have just started to get weird... What do I do?? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [16 M] with my girlfriend [16 F] of 9 months, need help with mediating best friends.
POST: Before you say *I'm just a teenager, and that I probably have hormonal complications which are triggering the effects I am experiencing now* please just hear me out.
The two of us have issues, just like any other human being on the planet, but the way we confide in each other differs.
No matter the problem - whether it be personal, regarding our relationship, or foreign - I always bring it up directly with her and do my best to confide in her and her alone, thinking it would be a wise decision to strengthen the trust between the two of us(?).
Now, despite my best attempts to comfort and console her, she doesn't always come to me with her problems. Instead, (I'd say about 50% of the time) she sees a good friend of hers (another guy) and talks deeply to him about things. I tell her that I am completely and utterly open to anything she has to say, even if she just needs someone to ramble to and release heat or has to confront a problem of *mine*.
Now would probably be a good time to mention I do have trust issues and can be rather overprotective at times because of situations outside of our relationship, but I admit to these problems and would like to fix them in the long run.
With that being said, I don't know whether or not I'm simply overreacting to the fact that maybe she needs another person to talk to, or that my effort alone isn't good enough, or possibly even that she's more comfortable with this guy.
I just don't know, and that's why I'm coming to you, Relationships.
Is it okay for a person to find advice and comfort in someone other than their partner? Is there an extent to which it becomes negative rather than positive (for either party)?
TL;DR: | Girlfriend talks to another guy for comfort/advice instead of me (50% of the time) and doesn't see anything wrong with it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My (F24) boyfriend (M26) of 5 years constantly tells me that he isn't good enough for me
POST: Hi reddit!
Thank you in advance for your insight and advice. My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 5 years, and have lived together for the past year. We have grown up so much together in the past few years, and overall I am very happy with the life we have built together.
I guess we will begin at the beginning. We started dating when I was in my first year of Uni and has seen me through the highs and lows. I graduated in April from my second degree, and I was blissfully lucky to get a job in my career right out of school. This has all been great, and he has been supportive but I think that my success makes him insecure as well.
My boyfriend is very smart, but has had a difficult time with school. He has some social anxiety, and difficulty focusing during classes. He dropped out in high school, and has attempted a few times to go back without much luck. He also hasn't had a steady career, though he does excel at every job he tries.
So when my boyfriend tries to compare us side-by-side it can seem one sided. He will focus on school, or work, or even appearances and point to the fact that I am "better" than him. Once or twice he has told me that he knows that I am going to leave him for someone that I work with, which is very frustrating to hear.
He is my soft place to fall at the end of a stressful day, and he works so hard to make our house a home. I tell him constantly I appreciate everything he does, but he hates to go out places with me because the inevitable "What do you do?" question will come up.
I understand his frustration, and I try my best to encourage him but his negativity against himself is starting to wear me down. I hope that some of you may have gone through similar situations/understand what he might need to hear so that I can help him through this time.
TL;DR: | My boyfriend regularly tells me that he is not good enough for me, and I need some advice for how to encourage him |
SUBREDDIT: r/dogs
TITLE: Do dogs NEED dog beds?
POST: In my head, it's already a yes. But I need help convincing my dad.
My mom died a few months ago and now I have to live with my dad, bringing my 15 year old yellow lab and my two cats.
My yellow lab was the runt of the litter. She is now the longest surviving dog from the litter. She is completely deaf, almost blind, has ears that often get very infected, and her joints pop and snap and she has a very difficult time standing up and down.
We had a dog bed at my mom's house but it got thrown away during the move. My dad believes dogs don't need dog beds because for thousands of years they were in the wild without them. I'm young and don't have a job so I cant buy one myself. I feel so bad for my old puppy, it is obviously painful for her to get up and down and my dad doesn't care. She is forced to sleep in a small confined sunroom because my little brother (2 years old) tries to ride her and hit her, and the only place she can be is in that small room because she can't walk up stairs. She sleeps on the hardwood floor. I'm afraid she's going to break something when she tries to stand up while she slips and slides around and whines.
How do I convince my dad to invest in a dog bed?
TL;DR: | dad doesn't want to buy my 15 year old dog a dog bed and I need help convincing him to get one. |
SUBREDDIT: r/college
TITLE: PSA: Just because you like a subject and/or want explore it in college does not mean you need to major or minor in said subject.
POST: Any upperclassmen or graduates reading this will have given a resounding "**Duh!**" at reading my title, but I all the time (both on reddit and in talking with high school and young college students) I see this misunderstanding. I was guilty of it, too, when I was a senior in high school; I'm pretty sure I wanted to double major and double minor.
The reality of the situation will vary depending on your school and program(s) of study, but understand two things:
* Double majoring (or adding minors) is, in general, not easy in terms of additional courses and requirements
* You're free to take classes that interest/benefit you, regardless of whether you declare a major or minor in that field
Two examples, one for each point, from my own experience:
* I'm a physics major, which happens – at my university – to be the most unit-heavy major in terms of graduation requirements. When I was a freshman, I wanted to add a math major and realized it would mean taking ~20 units per quarter (despite entering with a lot of AP and CC credits) just to finish in 4 years. After talking with faculty, I decided I didn't need the math major and I've taken a more manageable ~13-16 units per quarter which allowed me to keep my grades up and focus on other things (research, outreach, being a college student, etc.).
* There were two statistics courses that were especially relevant to my research, so I decided to take them even though the 8 units was well short of the 24 needed to declare a minor.
TL;DR: | You don't need to try and major or minor in every subject you think might interest you. You should take classes that interest you and, if you find yourself especially drawn to a subject, then think about adding a major or minor. |
SUBREDDIT: r/GetMotivated
TITLE: [Discussion] Looking for resources. I utterly lack whatever it is that drives intrinsic motivation. I need constant (healthy) external motivators -- Help!
POST: I've done the 'hard work.' I've been through counseling, I've upped my self-awareness, I've traced unhealthy patterns in my family that I wish to break, I've surrounded myself with good people, I've found a meaningful career and a great life partner.
But I'm still lacking that *fire/passion/engine/drive,* or whatever you want to call it, to motivate and rouse myself out of apathy to accomplish and enjoy what I know I can. It almost feels like some part of my psyche wasn't fully developed.
Getting out of bed in the morning is still very hard. Creating my own opportunities are still very hard. Dreaming big is still very hard. Whatever the internal *thing* is that compels motivation, I don't seem to have it... or I can't access it.
The good news is this: I am compelled by external things. I'm a great problem solver. I'm intuitive, insightful, empathetic. I'm a great responder to circumstances. So it stands to reason that I'm stimulated/motivated by awesome things in the world around me. Art, music, literature, speeches, sermons, conversations... these get me moving. Especially when I'm reminded of the truth: that I'm valuable, I have great things to offer, etc. etc.
If I was a car, I would have a working gas pedal, but a faulty ignition. I can't start it myself, but if given a good push, I can ramp up the acceleration.
I hope this is making some kind of sense to somebody.
So now I'm trying to put a gameplan together for each day. What resources can I use to start my days so that I can dream big and live life the way I know I'm capable of? What's a good system/structure to accomplish this?
TL;DR: | I utterly lack internal motivation on my own. External reminders help me motivate. Looking for a consistent structure to stay motivated. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: Me[24/f] with ex-bf/kind of friend [28/m], not sure how to proceed with friendship
POST: Need advice! I have an ex from the very beginning of high school; I didn't take the relationship seriously but he definitely did. I was fifteen, he was eighteen. We had talks about getting married, which to me at the time was a novelty and never going to happen.
We didn't speak for several years after we broke up (pre-texting days: I sent him an email early on Friday and he didn't look at it until Monday... his birthday...). We've reconnected off and on, but i feel weird continuing the friendship because my boyfriend got a bit jealous of him being "intellectually stimulating" (his words).
The previous comment from my boyfriend came from a time when I skyped my ex and we had a really great conversation catching up. That was more than three years ago, though, and I haven't been as open or receptive. I like the witty banter my ex and I have, but I feel like I've really moved on from the friendship and would like to be left alone. He hasn't taken the hint; he's still friends with almost my entire family on facebook, he occasionally texts me, and has asked about skyping again.
Any texts this ex has sent me go unread then deleted. I don't want to be rude to our past, and I prefer forgiving exes than not, but I also don't want to tell him "my boyfriend gets jealous when I talk to you, also you're super clingy." How do I approach this? Just let it fade naturally?
Note: my boyfriend [25/m] and I have been going on together for four years and talked about the comment a couple times. It mostly stemmed from insecurities on his end that have since been resolved.
TL;DR: | My ex from high school keeps trying to reconnect. I don't want to, partly out of respect to my bf and partly because he's my ex. What to do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Why isn't there a summer camp reddit?
POST: I'm looking for other redditors who have summer camp backgrounds (as staff or campers) who would share stories, games, songs, and everything that makes camp awesome.
I've noticed that camps can get entrenched in their own traditions. but having worked at several different camps, I realize that sharing ideas and traditions between camps can really generate great ideas to give our campers the best experience possible.
I've been a staff member at a camp for kids and adults for special needs for about 10 summers now. I've been in most roles at camp, from counselor to kitchen staff, to program director and facility director.
What is your camp story/idea/experience, and would you share with other camp people?
TL;DR: | is there a reddit for residential summer camps? Not about hiking or travelling, but campfire games and capture the flag type games etc. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [40 F] with my friend/coworker [50 M/F] of two years. How do I tell her I think the "doctor" she took me to is a quack?
POST: I have a shoulder issue, and I had the same thing a few years ago and it went away on its own. My friend insisted on taking me to her chiropractor and I decided to give it a shot, having never tried it before and not knowing too much about it. He cracked my shoulder, which was scary and painful. Then he had me lie down and placed some nuggets of metal on my stomach while having my arm up and him pressing on it to find "weakness." Diagnosis: too much iron, and I'm supposed to take homeopathic drops for a month. My friend insisted on paying for these drops and they were $85! She also got some for herself. She insists that this type of treatment works. It does for her, I'm sure, due to the placebo effect. It's not going to work on me, especially after I did due diligence and researched on Quackwatch and Rational Wiki and such, and am satisfied that homeopathy is bullshit. I didn't know when I told her I would go there that he was that kind of doctor. I also didn't realize that chiropractic was viewed as complete woo, either, since they take my insurance and I've known so many people who go to them.
I really don't want to go back or take these drops and I feel bad that my friend wasted her money on them. But she's stubborn and will be offended if I just state the truth. She's already said many times that she despises conventional medicine and I can certainly understand her point that doctors are dismissive and it seems like all they want to do is prescribe meds and cut you open. But I think a person has a better chance of getting well with conventional doctors than woo ones, of course. My friend is not reasonable when it comes to such things and is the kind of person who gets really unbearable when people don't take her advice. I'd like for this to not become dramatic and not affect our working together. I'm willing to gild the lily if it comes to that. What should I tell her? I'd like her to have the drops back or her money back if possible.
TL;DR: | My friend took me to a quack and will be pissed if I don't keep going/taking his "meds." |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [21M] won't see my girlfriend [21F] on my birthday. I feel a little disappointed
POST: We've been dating for a year now. She normally works 9-5, as do I, so I told her there's no point in taking my birthday off and that we'll just see each other once were both finished work. About a week ago she found out that she's scheduled 3-11, meaning I won't see her at all. She told me lastnight and acted like it wasn't really a big deal. I didn't want to come off as needy and ask her to take it off, but I did anyway and she said that she'll try. I know the problem is technically resolved, but I still feel a bit hurt that I had to ask her so that I could see her on my birthday. Am I being silly here?
TL;DR: | Girlfriend worked late on my birthday. I had to ask her to see if she could switch her shift - feeling hurt she didn't try in the first place. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: M(18) thinking about breaking up with girlfriend(18), but I'm clueless with relationships?
POST: I have very little experience with relationships, so that's why I come to you Reddit. My girlfriend and I have been dating for 8 months and things have been going pretty smooth until recently.
Over the past couple weeks, I'm to the point where I just don't want to be around her anymore. I've lost interest in things that I loved like partying, working out, and just doing insane things with friends. (Note: I am not the internet's version of a douche bag.)
I had this thought in the back of my head for a while, but put it off until today when my friend confronted me and told me that he even noticed a change in me.
Another factor which is somewhat convincing me to break up with her is the summer job she picked up. She is going to be a life guard and work Sunday-Saturday from 9am-9pm with one random day off each week. When she starts this job, ill never have the chance to see her.
Now with that in mind, we are also going to be attending different colleges this fall semester that are about 2 hours away. This also bothers me because I don't know how well a long distance relationship would work out.
TL;DR: | I feel like I have changed dramatically since dating this girl. She's picking up a demanding summer job, in which I'd barely see her. We're both leaving for college far apart from each other this fall. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [F22] somehow found myself fully financially supporting my long-distance boyfriend [M32], who is a full-time student. Am I wrong to feel upset?
POST: We have been together for a year, halfway-through which I graduated from college and got my first-ever job, making 68K. I had to move 150 miles away, though we see each other every weekend. He used to make 80K before deciding to go back to school, and he currently makes about 15-20K, by being a TA and doing some side projects. He will be in school for another two years.
We got a credit card together a few months ago under the same account, to use things we did together like trips and dates, so we would not have to fight over who pays this time. Since I have a job and he does not, we agreed to pay it off 75/25.
Lately I've been finding out that he is using this card to pay for things like gas, clothes, groceries, alcohol, going out to restaurants, and to pay his Internet and cable bills, totaling $500 so far this month. I am very upset by this and have brought it up several times, but he continues to do this. I feel bad because some of that can be excused as necessities, and it seems only fair because I have an income and he does not. But it's not like we're even married or engaged... So if he can't afford to go out to eat at a restaurant, he shouldn't, and that's HIS problem, not mine.
I also have to worry about paying off my college loans, paying off my car, and paying off this ever-growing credit card debt. He only has to make car payments, since his parents bought him a house so rent and utilities are taken care of.
I can't decide whether or not I have a right to feel upset by this, or how serious of an issue it is.
TL;DR: | My boyfriend makes about 1/4 the money I do, and uses a credit card that I pay 3/4 for, for everything. Do I have a right to be upset? |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by mumbling "dat ass" when my teacher turned his back to me
POST: Throwaway time. (This happened a few years ago when I was 17.)
It was a boring history lesson and we were reading a short extract. Our history teacher was good looking but I wasn't attracted to him. Some girls were obviously into him but like a good authoritative figure, he never acknowledged their advances or flirty attempts (not saying it happened 24/7 but it did happen every now and then.)
Anyway, back to the lesson. He was going around and generally helping out students when they got stuck. At one point he stood right next to me with his back turned. His ass was basically near me and naturally the students (well the girls, not the guys) who were seated around me all went like ;).
I chose to seize the moment. There was an overall murmur in class and he was busy explaining stuff to some guy behind me so I coughed and mumbled "*dat ass*". It was almost a whisper and very inaudible (or at least I thought so...)
Girls around me were giggling/laughing but then suddenly my friend looked at me with an *OH SHIT* expression so I turned around, expecting the worst. My teacher looked straight at me and said "I'll see you after class." Everyone who witnessed what happened tried to stifle their laughter.
Well after class I awkwardly sat in my seat as everyone left. He then proceeded to give me a lecture about how "inappropriate" my remark was and that he "expected better of me". He also explained that he doesn't want things like this to be passed around at school as it reflects badly on him. At the end he told me that I'd be staying behind everyday for the whole week, but with another teacher.
I was pretty mortified about the whole situation and apologized, red faced. I complained about the excessive punishment but he told me "you only have yourself to blame." There was no point in trying to argue so I just silently left when he dismissed me.
TL;DR: | Mumbled "dat ass" as my teacher had his back turned to me. He heard and made me stay behind. Ended up with a weeks detention with another teacher (and I'm not sure if they knew what happened.) |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: What are some of the awesome stories about your parents?
POST: I was around 8 when this happened. At that time, I was going to a private school and my mom, as usual, was driving my sister and I to school in the morning before work. We were at a crowded intersection and we were turning left (the traffic light was late yellow) when all of a sudden this huge black GMC truck slams into our Volvo going at like 80km/h (50mph) in a 60km/h zone. I would assume the driver sped up to make the light, but anyways, I was sitting in the backseat and my sister was sitting in shotgun. I saw the truck coming at me and I seriously swear everything was at a standstill...I closed my eyes and I shut them and braced for impact. Worst feeling ever, got shaken around and slammed my head against the window and but it didn't crack. I opened my eyes and my mom was bleeding from her head and she kept asking my sister and I if we were okay. It turned out in those last few seconds before impact, my mom managed to turn the car a bit thus, avoiding my sister and I getting directly hit (as we were sitting on the right side of the car). My mom got a spinal & neck injury (her face was a bit scarred, but it's almost unnoticeable now), but she can't walk or stand for long periods and she always avoids making left turns and that particular intersection. It turned out I was quite well and got away with only a bruise from the seat belt. My sister had to stay in the hospital along with my mom for a while, whereas my mom forced me to go to school and I only missed first period of class. Oh, and this intersection was right in front of a major hospital. Mothers.
TL;DR: | got in a serious car crash where the car was totalled. Pretty much saved my sister and I from worse injuries and got sent to school less than an hour later. |
SUBREDDIT: r/personalfinance
TITLE: Military member here, looking for some advice.
POST: First of all, I've been subscribed to this sub for a few years now and I use this and /r/militaryfinance as wonderful resources. Several people over the years have had similar stories as mine, but I was hoping for some personalized advice.
My situation:
* 25 years old
* E-4 in the military ($2200 every month)
* Married (wife is a teacher, makes $4400 a month)
* Only bills are $80 comcast per month, $150 verizon, and student loans
* No credit cards
* $15,000 in student loans 6% interest
* No car payments and we live on base so no housing or utilities expenses
* Excellent credit, not a concern right now.
My assets:
* $12,000 in USAA Mutual funds
* $8,000 in TSP retirement (60% in C, 20% in G, 20% in S) $200 a month
* $5,000 in savings account
My wife just got her job, and it pays pretty well especially for a teacher. We have been managing just fine on my single income with our budget but now that we will have this extra income I have a few questions for everyone:
1. Would you immediately pay off the student loans? Or just up the monthly payment and put the rest in savings?
2. Would you put more money into the mutual funds or into just savings?
3. For those of you in the military or with military experience, what do you recommend for my allocation in TSP?
4. Am I doing anything wrong as far as needing different accounts go? I was thinking about using the mutual funds to buy a house in like 5 years or so but honestly I don't know much about them other than the fact that I've been putting money away.
I think I have a decent start so far, but the only thing I really know how to do is put money away and budget, and all these other things are stressing me out.
We are not looking to buy a house any time soon, and we don't expect to have children for awhile.
TL;DR: | my wife just got a new job, and I'm not sure what to do with the money. Please help out! Any advice would be welcome. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: How can we fairly split the cost of the car with a faulty transmission?
POST: So 4 years ago my brother in law got in an accident with his 2005 Saturn Vue. Well insurance fixed the car all up but he never felt safe driving it again. He bought a new car without trading it in leaving them with an extra car and a grumpy wife. We were looking to get another car anyways and the car was suitable and met our basic requirements. My Brother in law still needed to have the car in his name because he was still paying on it and we agreed that I'd pay the majority of the payment and he'd make up the rest for the obvious depreciation of the car. Fast forward 3 years and the transmission fails, which normally I would consider my problem, however the transmission has a class action lawsuit settlement because it's known to be faulty and fail early. He either was never notified of the lawsuit, or doesn't remember it but now GM is offering $5,000 toward the purchase of a new car in compensation but the catch is it has to be in his name. He can't secure financing for another car. The value of the car still runnning is ~$7,800 with no tranny though it's worth about nothing. The car has been sitting idle for 6 months while I try to figure something out to put together the $3,400+ to rebuild the transmission. I want to be fair about it but if I were the owner of the car I would be suing somebody or getting a chunk of change towards a new car neither of which I can do. After making the payments for the last 6 months pestering them to work something out I told him that I'm not making any more payments until we work out a deal. I would love a neutral opinion.
TL;DR: | Took over payments from my brother in law for a car with a faulty transmission, because I'm not the owner I don't qualify for the settlement. Should I still be responsible for the whole cost of repair? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My mother[40F] is a chain smoker, she bakes delicious gifts for me [25F] and other family/co-workers...Her stuff is beautiful and would taste great but smell like smoke. Not sure how to break it to her gracefully.
POST: My mother has found a new passion in baking and I am super happy for her. She hasn't exactly had the easiest life and is surrounded by other toxic family members (another story altogether). She sees baking as an escape and something she has found that she is good at. She often takes her baked goods to work and bakes a lot for friends/some family. Her cakes rival the ones you would see out of a baking magazine.
However, the problem is that my chain smoking grandmother [60F] lives with her and also smokes in the house. I know my mother isn't holding a cigarette in one hand and stirring cake batter with another but I (and my husband [25M]) can literally smell and taste the ash in her goodies.
Her baked goods haven't always had this issue. It may have started when my grandmother started smoking in the house. I think my mother goes outside to smoke but I am unsure since I live in a different state and only see her every so often when she comes to visit and brings goodies.
This isn't the first time we've had this issue. Any time we receive gifts from their house, we get hit with the smell of cigarettes. I should also note that my husband and I are not smokers, and I myself have somewhat of an allergic reaction to it.
How do I tactfully tell her about this issue while also encouraging her to continue baking? I think she has some serious potential to take it professionally and I don't want to hinder this.
TL;DR: | Mother is a chain smoker who loves to bake, has serious potential, but doesn't realize her goodies tastes like an ash tray. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I[M]23 and about to graduate college while my girlfriend [20] still has 2 years.
POST: We have been dating one year and she is 100% convinced that I am the love of her life and love her very much as well (not 100% convinced that we are soul mates though). I am moving about 3 hours away to start my big boy job while she still has 2 years left. I honestly don't see this move as a huge deal. It is only 3 hours and we have access to stuff like face time and Skype but she is incredibly insecure.
Her issues seem to stem from the fact that she thinks I will move off and out grow her. She is afraid that I'll find another girl or start partying. This fear she is showing does the opposite of show me she cares. I feel like she is showing that she doesn't trust me and that she is insecure in our relationship. While it isn't something that I openly tell her, her worrying and long talks about the matter are actually driving me away. In a sense, the more she worries about me leaving, the more likely I am to actually out grow her. I am completely fine with having an awesome girlfriend who is still in college but I am not fine with having a jealous mess who is 3 hours away. My question is... can anyone who has dealt with this type of situation give me advice? Are we dead in the water?
TL;DR: | I'm graduating and moving 3 hours away. Girlfriend still has 2 years of college and is insecure. Need any advice about how to handle this. |
SUBREDDIT: r/cats
TITLE: Not sure if this stray cat we picked up is going to make it :(
POST: My brother and his girlfriend found a stray cat in the our parents shed. It was real sweet and friendly so she began to feed it and keep it company for a couple months. Eventually we think a neighbor who isn't fond of cats turned him into the humane society. By this time she was in love with it, so she had him released to get shots/checked out and to try to find him a home because they weren't able to keep it.
I decided to look after the little guy until we had him fixed and we found a home for him. He must have picked up a virus at the humane society because he started to have cold/flu symptoms, so she took him to the vet. They put some fluids in him and gave us some antibiotics to give him. Fast forward to almost a week later... the poor guy hasn't eat in at least 4 days, and barely will drink any water. He's vomited a handful of times and has diarrhea. He pretty much lays around because he obviously has no energy and is fucking miserable. Vet said to take him off the meds since it likely makes his nauseous and wait a couple days. Now the poor guy is just skin and bones, and I'm wondering how much longer he could even last without eating.
We've tried to force feed him but it just isn't happening. She and my brother have literally spent all of the little money they have on cat essentials and vet visits, and I'm not even able to help them. I feel so terrible for the little guy and them because they're spending all their money on trying to keep him alive. Makes me really sad to see him miserable cause he definitely deserves some quality lovin' haha
We don't really know what to do now... can't afford critical care let alone a simple visit
TL;DR: | Bro and his GF found really cool stray cat. It got sick and they're literally putting all of the little money they have into getting him better but can't afford much more. |
SUBREDDIT: r/Pets
TITLE: Dog with stage 4 Kidney failure... suddenly better?
POST: About a month ago, we noticed our dog, Bounder was acting as if he had the flu so we took him to the vet to get some tests done and they showed us that his creatinine levels were around 10 where a normal dog's is around 2. He's only 5 years old and none of the vets knew why this was happening. He was in awful shape for a while but soon his creatinine dropped to 7 which is still pretty bad but better than before. He had lost a lot of weight at this point. He wouldnt eat and I could feel every bone on his body. He still drank a lot of water which was good but I know thirst is a big symptom of kidney failure. After about a week at the vet, we brought him home with some IV fluids and lots of medication. I bought some kidney support medicine online that had reviews of miracles happening in situations much like my dog. I made sure to give him some pedialyte whenever his gums looked pale and have been feeding him chicken and rice (his all time favorite) this entire time since it was the only thing hed eat till about a week ago. Its been a month now and hes playing with his toys again, eating a lot, gained back all of his weight, loves long walks, climbing up stairs and just doesn't seem like a dog with stage 4 kidney failure. I'm so confused... The vet told me he would not recover from this and that kidneys failure is only treatable not curable and that I should consider euthanasia... Is this some sort of calm before the storm??? Is my dog going to be okay??? Is he suffering at all??? Has anyone been in this same situation?
TL;DR: | Dog with Stage 4 Kidney failure is suddenly back to his normal self after a month of being diagnosed. Should I be happy or worried still? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [30F] mother [54F] is on a downward health spiral, and she won't accept the least bit of advice or help. I'm in between a rock & a hard place. Help?
POST: As the title suggests, I (30F)am having a very hard time dealing with my mother (54F) whose lifestyle is only going to lead her to an early grave. She smokes probably two packs of cigarettes a day, drinks beer (six+ cans a day), needs at least four different surgeries that I know of, and is also depressed.
She is under-insured (read: no health insurance) and has a history of abusive intimate relationships. She's super intelligent and sharp as a tack, but I think she needs psychological help. She doesn't seem to grasp that her loved-ones are so worried about her.
Unfortunately, I live about 3 hours (170 miles) away, therefore I cannot see her daily to persuade her at all besides what I can do via telephone. Overall we have a pleasant relationship and are on good terms. It seems whenever I bring up the subject of her health, she just ends up getting defensive or tries to change the subject. I feel like she needs so much help that she doesn't even know where to begin on her own.
I know there must be some way to reach her, but I'm not sure how. My main fear is of course her dying too early. Anything that can prevent this from happening should be done in my opinion. On one hand, I feel as if I can only love her as opposed to change her. On the other hand, I know I will feel unrelenting sadness and guilt if she passes away without my intervention.
Have any of you been in this situation? What do you think I should do?
Thanks so much.
TL;DR: | My mother is working hard towards an early grave, and I'm not sure what I can do to intervene. Help!?! |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [18F] feeling like I don't exist and am not good enough to my parents.
POST: So idk if anyone will see this and care but I'm an 18+ year old female who lives in New Zealand and I live with my parents and am currently having some family trouble …yay :/. ( I have no job or anywhere to live right now apart from with them) anyway me and my brother both stood up for ourselves and said there's no food but you're going somewhere without us wth and got yelled at . I, of course getting sick of how hypocritical they are kept trying to explain how we felt (talking rudely apparently) and now my brother has apologised for the whole thing but they saw it as just him apologising and me not having enough "courage " to do so myself. They went and got food when we apparently only had $20 and now I don't exist. Tried to make it up to them today by trying to move on and even cooked tea like I usually do but it's not enough for them and on top of all this my dad had a go at me because I don't have a job saying "how many jobs have you applied for hmm" ( I have literally applied for every job apart form one and it's because I have no money to go and apply and they won't take me , no you can't apply online for this one ) and I'm not getting an apology for it .
Ik it may seem like just another teenage thing but please I really need some help . It's not fun feeling like I don't exist :( . Also they think that it's ok to do this to anyone that's younger than them because "we'll never be an adult who can make decisions around the house or have any input into what happens under the roof of their house " and if we don't like it we have to move out . Honestly not kidding here my brother was actually deprived of a lot of shit he brought with his own money he earnt doing an actual job and they literally were the cause of his breakup …..
Anyway rant over . If anyone has any suggestions of a way that would help me that would be great . Sorry to bother you.
TL;DR: | Help. 18 f in NZ. Getting really sick of my hypocritical parents but I have no job or anywhere else to stay. Having trouble getting a job, I have applied like crazy. Any suggestions ? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [29 M] want to go travelling this time next year. Is it worth dating in the meantime?
POST: EDIT: That title is bad grammar - it should be "I", not "me". I bloody sound like a caveman.
I'm planning on travelling round the world from next February until December. I have it all mapped out of what to do and where i want to go.
However, I managed to get a second date with a girl for next weekend. Now, im jumping the gun obviously. But this girl seems very in to me, and i like her. I havent brought up my plans to travel though. Its not so much that i want to travel while single, its just that ive done long distance before, and it wouldnt be fair on either of us to do that for so long. Even if we were together right up until i leave, thats only really a few months of dating anyway - we'd end up long distance longer than actually dating by the time i come back.
I'm wondering if its worth even going out with someone knowing that in less than a year, i'm gonna split up with them either way.
Im not the type of guy who just does casual flings, and i dont think she is either.
But i dont think shes gonna be up for travelling when i am.
So should i just end it now, and stay out of the dating game for a while, or should i go out with this girl further and see how things go, even if we do have an expiration date?
Furthermore, if we do split, should i even bother dating anyone else afterwards?
TL;DR: | Started dating a girl, but im leaving on a jet plane in a few months either way. Wondering if i should just put my dating life on hold for a year. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Help me get fired.
POST: I am currently working at a grocery store while I wait to go graduate school next fall. I dislike this job very much, mostly because I feel that every minute I spend there is an utter waste of my time. It kills me to think of the books I could be reading or movies I could be watching instead. I don't particularly need the extra cash, but my father insists I keep the job for whatever reason. I can't just quit without invoking his wrath. My question to Reddit is thus: "How can I get myself unjustifiably fired, and/or manufacture a situation where I can quit with good reason." Essentially I'd like to put myself in a position where the boss confronts me about something he reasonably can't be mad about or about something I didn't do. As an example, I'll illustrate something I've been trying but has not yet worked. The punch clock at work is two minutes fast, so I always sign in right on time, which according the punch clock is two minutes late. I'm hoping to be scolded for tardiness, at which point I can correctly argue that I've never actually punched in late. Perhaps a scene will ensue where I can quit in a huff for being disrespected and called a liar.
TL;DR: | I want to frame myself or create a situation where I get fired from my job at a grocery store without actually doing anything wrong. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [18M] future is in jeopardy because my father [40sM] is withholding money from my family.
POST: I don't know how to start this off, so I'll try to convey as much information as possible.
I'm currently in university, and I am completely financially independent from my parents. I have not seen a cent from them since I have started, oh and I also live away from home. A mix of student loans, a load of work and some personal investments have left me enough to pay for school/residence, with a fair amount of money left over.
I don't want to get into details, but there is a situation between my parents that will probably lead to a divorce. My dad was let go from his job in my hometown, and has since moved across the country to work a fairly high paying job, leaving my mom and brother at home. During Xmas break, my mom informed me to be weary of my financial situation next year, because my dad has been making quite a bit more money than his last job, and so my student loans would be significantly lowered. What she also revealed to me was that he has opened up a separate bank account for himself, and my mother/brother have been seeing none of it. My mother has a full time, moderately paying job, but still not enough to live "comfortably" per se.
I have looked into my countries loan service and what they consider as dependent/independent, and I am unfortunately not considered an independent from my parents.
I am concerned with how I am going to pay for my education for the next few years, and with this situation, I am even more worried as I will have significantly less coming in, and my parents will not be supporting me. Is there anything I can do?
TL;DR: | Financially independent from parents, dad is funneling money from his job into a personal bank account, loans will be reduced and will possibly have to drop out. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [25F] concerned about my roommate [19F] and her new boyfriend [29M]
POST: I've lived with my roommate for about a year now and I figured out fairly quickly that she's someone who always *needs* to be dating someone. She has a new boyfriend that is coming over 3+ times per week, usually without notice from her and very late at night.
Since they began dating, my roommate has been isolating herself and we talk maybe 10% of the time we used to. I come home and she walks into her room on her phone, or eats her food in the other room. Conversation has been reduced to a quick "how was your day?" "good" and then she'll run to her room and not come out for HOURS.
My major concern is that we are on the heels of signing a new lease and she hasn't brought up anything about wanting to move out, yet acts as if she has very little intention of speaking with one another.
TL;DR: | how should my expectations change, now that she's in a serious relationship? how can I bring up to her that i'm concerned about her change in demeanor? |
SUBREDDIT: r/dating_advice
TITLE: Just got out of my longest relationship, 3 years (I'm 21), and I'm having trouble telling if a woman is interested or just being friendly.
POST: I guess this is probably a common question, I just haven't really seen a good answer.
I mean the first girl I sort of saw after my long relationship ended said I was good at picking up hints, but I feel that was more by luck. That and she was *very* obvious with the way she acted.
But now there are a couple of girls I am interested in that I've just met but I can't tell if there is anything mutual or if they are just being friendly.
One has asked me to hang out a few times, once to finish a project and a couple of other times with other people. I just don't really know. Getting mixed vibes from her.
I am just not used to the whole dating thing now, I was definitely more confident with women when I was in a relationship. Not that I can't talk to them now I just find it hard to flirt or something. I don't think I am horrible looking and I'm not completely socially oblivious/awkward in any other way either.
TL;DR: | I'm finding it hard to tell if there is a mutual attraction with women, what are some obvious ways to tell/ find out, I guess? |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by attempting to install Windows Server 2012 R2 DC
POST: Here we go. This is the only time I've ever pictured myself writing something like this. I am an idiot for doing this, possibly.
I am a tech guy. Programmer, hardware tinkerer, and overall smart-ass on the computer. I know my shit when it comes to most things, but tonight I fucked up. Big time.
WS2012R2DC = Windows Server 2012 R2 Datacenter
After doing my backups while preparing to install WS2012R2DC (4 of which I completed), I began the installation of the operating system. I went down stairs after watching it for a couple minutes going through its usual processes as usual. I watched TV for a bit and decided that an hour later, it should all be good.
Go back into my room. Wait 15 minutes. Still on "Getting Ready". OK, must be normal. Give it another 5 minutes.
"Getting Ready"
...
I think that it failed to get to that stage and that it froze for some reason while getting there.
**I WAS WRONG.**
It was half way through it. I rebooted my computer and corrupted the fucker.
Luckily, I have an old Macbook and I was able to spend 2 hours making a bootable USB (in case you weren't aware, UNetBootin works for WS2012R2DC installs, even though it's made for Linux!), with a broken screen (LCD connector issue).
As I write this, I am stuck on "Getting ready". I won't be turning it off this time.
TL;DR: | Tried installing Windows Server 2012 R2 Datacenter, turned computer off during installation, panic ensued, luckily backed up, much struggle to get bootable USB from semi-broken old Macbook, finally got it working. |
SUBREDDIT: r/self
TITLE: Trhowaway. Boyfriend broke up because of the distance. He was crying. He lives in Nz and I'm in France. i feel empty and desperate.
POST: I was gonna celebrate our 2 years anniversary in 2 months. My boyfriend loves me and i love him back. But he is a New Zealander and I am French. I met him in France, fell in love, left uni to go on a gap year, and chose to go to New Zealand when I met him. It was the best year and a half of my life. When I left New Zealand, 4 months ago, we had decided to do long distance. I though it would work, because I had plans for the future. I wanted to meet him and live in the same country in 2 years max. As i find out today, he agreed to do long distance because he didn't wanna loose me, but he wasn't sure it was gonna work. He broke up with me today, on skype, out of nowhere, crying, saying he loved me but this "relation" was too much pressure on him (we are both students, and have a few years to complete our studies, and don't know where we'll be after that) that he was unhappy and had been unhappy for 4 months, that he missed me so much that it hurt, and that he couldn't do it. That he had to stop it for his own happiness and state of mind. It broke my heart, but i still don't fully comprehend and accept what happened, and when it hits, it is gonna be horrible.
I don't know what to do, I know the best to do is to try and let go, and that it is not gonna happen over night, but i know myself and i know that i can't just drop it. I'm afraid i won't let him go and i'll go nuts and desperate. He tried for 4 months because he loves me and cares about me, and doesn't wanna loose me. I know it has nothing to do with other girls, or sex, i trust him and know him well enough.
I don't know what to do.
TL;DR: | New Zealander boyfriend, crying, broke up with French me on skype after 2 years, because of the distance. I feel empty and heart broken. Don't know what to do. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Sexually frustrated after leaving sexless relationship, need advice
POST: I am a 22 female who ended a 5 year long relationship 3 months ago. It was our first stable relationship and we both had our first sexual experiences together. Things started to fall apart about 2 years into the relationship, the intimacy and sex slowly dwindled until I realised at the beginning of this year that I couldn't even kiss my boyfriend for his fear that he might be leading me on, we were having sex at about over once a year at this point. He had (and still has) lost his sex drive completely and, when confronted, didn't see a reason to seek out medical help convinced that there was nothing that could be done for him, besides he liked not having the distraction of sexual thoughts on his mind. So I ended it, and now I feel better - I can stop worrying about the fact that he didn't find me sexually arousing and have more time to focus on my hobbies and passions - in fact, now that I know that I'm single, it has forced me to meet new people, try out new things.
So you're probably wondering why I need some advice. Well, I don't need a relationship at the moment, not to say if the right one came along that I wouldn't take it, but having no intimacy with my ex for 3 years has left me incredibly sexually frustrated as you can imagine. I'm struggling to get over the idea that my first boyfriend lost his sex drive completely, it's hurt me quite a lot. I miss passionate kisses and passionate sex, I don't even think I've had either of those yet. A part of me wants to experiment and sleep around before I settle down again, just so that I have some experience without commitment but I'm worried that I might vulnerable at the moment, I can't tell if that's what I really want. I know it's irrational, but I feel angry and betrayed by him - he made me feel like a pervert just for wanting him sometimes.
I just need some words of advice/wisdom to help sort my thoughts, especially if you've been in a similar situation.
TL;DR: | Boyfriend of 5 years lost sex drive, leaving me sexually frustrated. Now that I've left him, I'm still sexually frustrated, advice please? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I'm [22m] not sure what to make of my situation with someone [19f] I really care about.
POST: A little backstory. I met this girl last summer and we dated for about a week or two before she left to school a good 800 miles from where I live and she grew up.
We started talking again about a month ago and things couldn't have been better. It's like the time she was gone didn't really happen. We were happy just being together and we have become a lot closer.
She left a little less than a week ago, this time she will only be returning on special occasions and I'm probably moving to the other side of the country at the end of this year. I've considered moving to where she is now and figured I have a lot less to lose, and leaving my hometown doesn't sound like a bad idea. Worst case scenario I go back to my original plan and move to the other side of the country.
We have talked about long distance and both of us agree it's a bad idea. We are breaking ties as of now and not really speaking to one another to see if we can be more friends than anything more serious. I know she cares about me and I care about her just as much, but this feeling is all to new to me and I never thought it would be so hard to handle.
I've never been one to believe that you can fall in love so quickly but with her I just know I am. We broke it off Friday night and I don't know how to deal with something like this. I don't think I've ever like someone as much as her. I've only ever had one other relationship and that didn't last because she was a bit of a nut job but I still tried even with the red flags. This girl though is different. I don't ever really like other girls. This felt natural. Neither of us hid anything from each other and we both started seeing each other knowing she was going to be going to school again. I feel like we invested our emotions into something that was going to end in a shitty situation and now I feel lost and empty.
TL;DR: | got emotionally involved with a fling I had last summer and now she is 800 miles away. We don't really believe in long distance and now I'm feeling lost and empty. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: [f/19][m/19]We have been together about 3 years and I just don't know what he is feeling towards me anymore.
POST: We lost our virginity together and this is both of our first real relationships. We have went on dates/kissed other people before we got together but this is our first real long term.
Everything was so great in the beginning. But, after our first year anniversary things went to poop. I suspected something was going on. But he only called me stupid and crazy for thinking so. Just a couple of weeks ago, I found out the truth.
There was something going on. The girl(s) were in other states. He was talking to them like they were better than me. Saying things to them that he hadn't said to me in months. I confronted him about my findings and he begged me to stay with him. He told me I was everything to him and he cried.
So I'm still with him. We were also in a long-distance relationship for 6 months last summer so he could be with he family.(This was after he emotionally cheated on me) Those months in which he mostly got mad at me and fought with me. He broke all the promises he ever said he would keep.
Now things are okay. They were really great until my pets all died a month from each other. Right after they died is when I discovered what was actually happening a year ago. I just don't know what to do. I want him to tell me sweet things constantly, not just when I am upset. I feel like he only feels bad for me and is afraid to leave me because he won't know what to do. He hasn't even tried to break up with me....it is always me trying to go on a break.
It is great to act like friends together, but sometimes, that is all I feel I am to him. He will have spurts where he will talk about getting married and moving in together..but then other days he acts like a dick. We have a great sex life so there is no problems there.
TL;DR: | My bf has lied. He was horrible to me last year. Idk what to do. Is our relationship dying or is it just fixing up from last year? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [19F] with my boyfriend [22 M] 2 years, he wants time to cool down after we crossed each other boundaries. I'm lost.
POST: Throwaway because I don't want people to identify me yadda yadda.
Without going too much into details, the main issue that triggered this break is that my boyfriend and I crossed each other's boundaries - he constantly chat up a girl, deleted those texts and told me he only talks to her occasionally. I snooped and found out he was constantly talking to her, confronted him about it and panicked when he asked about how I know so I cooked up a lie saying someone told me. He found out that I snooped and got angry because he says that I don't trust him.
He said he needs time to cool down. We haven't been talking for the whole day. Reddit, what should I do? Help me stay sane. He was my rock, he was the one I constantly talked to when I have good news to share, the one I turned to when I was weak. Now I'm just lost without him...
TL;DR: | Boyfriend and I crossed each other's boundaries. He got pissed, wants time to cool down. What should I do to keep me sane? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I[25/F] don't know if my boyfriend[23/M] has the capacity for empathy.
POST: My boyfriend's a sweet guy and I know his heart is in the right place. We've been going out a few months now and lately we've just been fighting and it's very frustrating from both sides. He's one of those guys who will go out of his way to get you a great birthday present... but it'll be something he would love and something you feel pretty neutral about. Like, you collect stamps, and he loves ships and he'll get you a ship in a bottle for your birthday every year, like fancy ones he'll tell you all about... but just not really your thing in the least.
It turns out that I can't trigger a response from him that'd make him look at anything from my perspective. He's also very slippery when he feels he might be in trouble, he'll say whatever it is he thinks I want to hear and lately it's "You're right, I'm going to try really hard to do something about that!" but then of course he doesn't do anything about it. "What do I do to fix this?" is popular, but after I tell him what'd fix it in an instant he tries to argue with me about some irrelevant detail and then asks how to fix the situation again... and that's really annoying, and after three of four passes I get annoyed because I've just told him.
I feel like when there's a problem he tells me nothing but lies. Not that it's malicious, they're lies to wriggle himself out of trouble. I just want him to be honest with me. I just want him to think about my feelings for once rather than how he can force me to think better of him by assuring me I have the entire situation wrong and that I never once considered his perspective (biggest slap in the face because all we ever do is talk about things from his perspective).
TL;DR: | I want to pierce through my boyfriend's annoying defence mechanisms and get him to evaluate my emotions before doing things I've told him hurt my feelings. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: He [28m] got over his depression, and is talking to me [24m] again, but we ended it anyway.
POST: [Original post, made when my "SO" was in the throes of major depression earlier this month.](
He went on medication, he's signed up for therapy, and he's steadily getting back to his old self... But we broke up anyway.
It turns out we were never actually together in his eyes. When he said he loved me, he meant "as a person and a friend," not as a romantic partner. Apparently, it was all a misunderstanding.
Before anyone suggests it, I don't feel the need to go no contact, because I'm not heartbroken at all. It was the most amicable breakup I've ever had, and we're still friends in the same way we were before (albeit the way that I thought was a relationship), and we talked about movies for an hour right afterwards...
I'm just bummed out over what could have been. I've never met someone who I've had so much in common with: we had the same hobbies, the same passions, liked the same movies and shows, had the same career aspirations (in fact, we're still going to be working together on a pet project) and the same fetishes. Plus, I've never met someone who argues as well as him: he always handled our disputes very maturely, without attacks or manipulation, and was considerate, which is way better than most people I've dated. His "type" was people like me and my "type" was people like him. He just couldn't get into me that way, for whatever reason.
And although I'm glad to have someone like that as a close friend, it's just sad being unable to picture getting along that well with anyone else. I reactivated my OKCupid account and immediately remembered how boring everyone seemed and how much I hated online dating before. Yes, I know on an intellectual level that dating the worst person who likes you is better than dating the best person who doesn't like you, but the idea of dating other people just feels like settling right now.
TL;DR: | He's overcoming his depression, but we broke up anyway because he was never really into me. At a loss for what to do and how to find a silver lining. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Can you guys make any sense or relate these three sentences together?
POST: -Dopamine -Grey Quote -On the edge
The story behind this is that in the early hours of this morning I woke up from an amazing dream with a brilliant plot that I, at the time, felt could be made into a story or possibly a film (I'm a budding writer in the process of drafting out a script). I remember the great feeling of waking up with this amazing plot so I, in my tired state, grabbed a piece of paper and wrote something down and circled it (of course to emphasize the grandness of the dream to future me). I almost immediately fell back to sleep. This morning I woke up and remembered having this incredible dream but couldn't remember it. But ahaa! I wrote it down didn't I? I am so clever. Well, to my delight, I found I had only written down these three things ('Dopamine', 'Grey Quote' and 'On the edge'). I can't for the life of me remember what the dream was and only have these three statements left of it. What stories or ideas can you think of based off these? Do they relate at all?
The piece of paper in question ->
TL;DR: | I had an awesome dream that I wrote down extremely vaguely and am very curious how creative Reddit can be about wrapping a story around only three statements. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: What's your true story that you no longer tell because you're afraid people will think you're making things up?
POST: Here's mine: After crashing my motorcycle in baja mexico I took the ferry across the Gulf of California to mainland mexico where I was going to contenue my trip by bus and train. I met a guy from california along the way to a little town called creel. We decided to share a room to save money at the hostel. Because the tourist industry in Mexico is dead the place was pretty empty. We became friends with the hostel owners (who also owned the only bar in town) who would take us hiking and show us around the town. We were drinking pretty much all day. One saturday some of the owners friends came to the hostel and along with a few other guests we got especially crazy. Drank all night. When I woke up everyone who was partying the night before was getting ready to go to the hot springs to hang out and drink more. I had been planning on going but the past few days had been rough on me. I finally decided against it. The owners, the american I'd been rooming with, a girl from New Zealand, and a few other mexicans went. Who ever was driving was probably still drunk and crashed the truck into the canyon. 7 of 9 nine people died. Only two young children who were orphaned survived. Spent all day waiting for my buddies to come back. Didn't find out what happened until late that night. Got the Fuck out of Mexico two days later on the earliest flight I could book.
TL;DR: | Got too drunk the night before so skipped out on a trip to the hot springs I'd been planning on. Saved my life. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: [21M] wants advice on asking out [18? or 19? F] new friend
POST: I met this girl a while ago at my apartment complex during undergrad...She 'worked' in the front office, it's a long story...But anyway, I started to get to know her and then I realized how much like me she was. I haven't seen her too many times, but we have talked for hours every time and she is lovely. I discovered that we are both starting college (I'm starting grad school (dental school) and she's starting undergrad) at the same state school a few hours away. I've had real confidence problems recently so I might not have done the best but I "gave her my phone number so she would have it" because I wasn't sure if I would see her again before I moved. She texted me her number so I would have it later that day.
Anyway, I really want to ask her out...and I've never REALLY asked a girl out before...I always take a very outside/beta male approach to it....And by that I mean that I'm never even sure if I'm on a date with a girl, the few times I have gone out to eat or something with girls... Because I have just said 'want to go get lunch?' or something like that. But I want to be more alpha male/I want her to know that this is me asking her out in a romantic fashion...Not just friends.
I'm thinking about saying something like "(once you move/get settled in blah blah) would you like to go out sometime?" Would that do it? Anybody got suggestions? This will be in the form of a text message so much planning can go into it.
Thanks in advance
TL;DR: | What should I say in a text to make sure that she knows I am asking her out romantically and not just as friends? |
SUBREDDIT: r/self
TITLE: I'm scared that I'm going to fail the last class I need before graduating. Somebody tell me something to calm me down, please.
POST: I am taking two classes right now. They are the last two classes I need before graduating next month. The problem is one of these classes is Spanish II and it is terrifying me.
Currently I have a 3.9 GPA, so I'm not a bad student or anything. I make tons of A's, but Spanish is a whole different story.
I took Spanish I during Spring semester and I got an A, actually. The problem partly was the teacher was very lenient and gave us the exact questions and exact answers to the quizzes and exams to study so it was an easy A. And consequently, I learned very little Spanish because I was lazy about studying. I studied to memorize the answers, not to actually learn the language and understand how to use it.
So right now I have had 3 days of Spanish II. I had to take a different professor because the one I had for Spanish I is not teaching during the Summer. This prof is VERY different and actually expects us to know our stuff. And according to other students he does not just give the answers like the other teacher.
I feel far behind all of the other students in my proficiency with the language.
So now on my very shaky foundation from SpanishI I have to build on more confusing stuff and it is scaring me. I almost cried during the first two classes and I just have this constant anxiety all day. I don't want to fail. I need to graduate.
Somebody tell me it's going to be okay. I'm freaking out. :-(
TL;DR: | I'm about to graduate, need two more classes. Spanish II is one of them and I SUCK and am terrified of failing and not graduating. Advice, please. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My (25M) girlfriend (22F) wants to go to a strip club with a guy friend as a last hurrah
POST: We have been dating awhile, have a great relationship, and she's moving with me across the country in a month for my new job.
She wants to go out with a guy co-worker / good friend to a strip club (females) on her last Friday night here before we move, kinda as a last fun thing to do. Which I'm understanding about since she's leaving her life here behind for me.
I've met this guy but I don't know him well. He is engaged but has had a rocky relationship with his fiance, according to my gf. Apparently he has cheated before.
There's a decent chance there will be other friends from work but so far it sounds like it's just him and her going.
I've never been to a strip club so I guess it's more a fear of the unknown for me. Is this something I should actually be concerned about?
TL;DR: | gf wants to go to strip club with a guy friend (he's engaged) before she moves across the country with me as a last fun Friday night, is this ok? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I (22M) told my best female (23) long-distance "friend" (5+years) that I have a girlfriend...and she thinks we need to stop talking. Thoughts?
POST: This girl and I went to college together, and developed a relatively close relationship (never physical), although we've flirted almost constantly on a regular basis for the past three years. To be honest, although I was always too intimidated by her to directly pursue a relationship, I've been interested in her for ages and probably would still try to ask her out if we weren't living on opposite sides of the country. I've even told her as much.
Anyway, I've been dating this other girl where I now go to grad school, and we recently decided to make it official. I told this to my friend*, who thinks that we should stop talking now. I'm not completely sure how to handle this- I have been friends with this girl for so long and I don't want to ruin that...and I'm still also (in the nicest way possible) trying to keep that door open. Thoughts?
To be clear, my current girlfriend doesn't know about her ,or about how frequently we talk, or about our "history" (which is largely one-sided from me).
TL;DR: | Thoughts? Can I keep talking to my long-time, long-distance female "friend" now that I have a girlfriend? Need help with this situation. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I (24M) was super clingy after going on a few dates with a girl (24F) a few months ago and she stops returning my texts (duh). I'm older and wiser and realize I was an idiot, how should I re-establish contact and admit my faults/restart? Is it even worth it?
POST: A few months ago, I met a girl of off okcupid. The first few matches I had were a disaster, so I got really excited at how cute/awesome she was. Consequently, I went a little overboard and started throwing around terms like boyfirend/girlfriend after likfe 4-5 dates. Frankly it makes my head hurt at how stupid and clingly that was.
This was back in May. I've had no contact with her since then, deactivated my OKC account and deleted her # (not out of spite, I just took a break from online dating). Recently though she popped up on Tinder which put two thoughts in my head 1) how awesome she was 2) how much of a clingy idiot I was.
I want to get in touch with her, start back from square one, maybe just be friends but is there a way of doing that without it looking like I was just lying in wait like a creep? Her OkCupid account is still active and I have her number from our OKC messages (I recently activated mine). Should I message her through OKC or text her like her # was still in my phone?
That being said, is any of this worth it? I know that's subjective, but can anyone speak from past experience with something like this?
TL;DR: | I went a little crazy throwing around terms like boyfriend/girlfriend WAAAY too soon and scared her off. The girl is awesome and still around how to I re-establish contact without being creepy? Is it even worth it? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Question about a roofie story my 19 yo gf told me [22 yo m]
POST: so my friends just broke the news to me last night that my gf cheated on me during a new years party, they only knew because my gf had told a mutual friend about it.
when i confronted her about it last night, she freaked out in tears and told me that she was roofied at the party, and everyone else who was at the party also thinks they were roofied (so she says). shen also never told me about it because she was afraid, (she told me about being roofied but never about the cheating).
so apparently she was drugged and had sex with one of her ex's back at her house... basically what im asking is, should i believe her? do you guys think she is telling me a bs story?
TL;DR: | Gf cheated on me with her ex at a new years party, but said she was roofied and was afraid to tell me. should i believe her? |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by ordering an antique authentic haunted doll.
POST: So this actually happened today, an hour ago in fact and I can't believe how this went down. I am writing this on mobile so I apologise for any formatting errors or whatever.
Bit of background, I am currently moving from my hometown to live with my mum to be closer to college and all that. I've been planning on decorating my new room in an antique, old style vintage museum sort of way, I've already invested in some pretty rad items and all has been good.
Now for the fuck up, today, like most days I'm just sat at home with no company, so I open up youtube and watch rob dykes haunted doll video because dolls are hella cool. I decide an antique doll would look super cool on display in my new room, so away I go, flying through webpage upon webpage until I come across the perfect find- a beautiful, wide smiled, ginger authentic haunted doll, away I go, filling out all the appropriate boxes-it's ordered. In my excitement I called my mum who is helping me design my room, I tell her what I just ordered and there was a silence, unusual for my mum. 10 seconds or so had passed and my mum, in a voice I've never heard before said, and I quote "you keep that demonic death doll away from my fucking house Shredded-satan-nips, you go worship satan somewhere else. Do not fucking bring that THING in MY house." my mum, as it is, isn't scared of anything, being In Prison sure does toughen you up, so I was like "tf is up with you?" She then proceeded to scream down the phone and exclaim that I am no longer allowed to move in with her, me and my "demonic death doll" can find somewhere else to live.
TL;DR: | purchased an antique, authentic haunted doll, mum lost it, kicked me out. Me and my demonic death doll need to find a new place to reside and worship satan. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [22M] have a crush on a [22 F] in my school, her birthday is in a week but we don't know each other that much
POST: My relationship with my crush has being very awkward from the very beginning.
I'm friends with one of her close friends, so I asked my friend if she could introduce me to her, instead of doing it naturally, she went to her and brought her to me, +1 for awkwardness, I got a bit shy and didn't talk that much, she didn't neither haha!
my friend told me later that she thought I was a good guy, whatever that means.
I've added her on Facebook the next day, chatted with her a bit, saw her a couple of times at school, I've always said hi to her.
A couple of days later she started, I tried to chat with her on Facebook since I've noticed she doesn't come to school anymore, she ignored my message, so I dropped everything and stopped thinking about her anymore, a week later, she started coming back again, and the first time our paths cross, she kept smiling at me which I found very weird, why would she? when a couple of days before she was completely ignoring me!
the thing is now she vanished again, according to a friend of her's, she went on a vacation even though it's not holidays yet and she'll comeback a couple of days before her birthday which is in a week from now.
what should I do? should I buy some flowers? or do you have guys a better suggestions? I really want to win her heart but I'm hopeless
TL;DR: | weirdly introduced to my crush, she ignored me, than started smiling when she sees me, and now she vanished but she'll comeback a couple of days before her birthday |
SUBREDDIT: r/askwomenadvice
TITLE: 27 year old guy here. I've never had a girlfriend. What am I doing wrong?
POST: I recognize that this is a difficult question for a stranger to respond to but I figured I have nothing to lose. I'm 27 years old and have never had a girlfriend. Frankly, I have become desperate by this point- I see no explanation for my disastrous attempts at dating other than some fundamental and as-of-yet undiagnosed flaw in myself as a potential partner. My current endeavor is to determine what that flaw is.
I have a college degree and a respectable job. I'm a pretty friendly guy. I consider myself fairly interesting: I've traveled to five continents, was in the military for four years, and am an avid scuba diver. I have an excellent sense of humor and I do standup comedy in which I have enjoyed modest but consistent success. I'm in excellent physical shape, although my face is objectively less than great looking. So far, my hope has been that the aforementioned information about me would sufficiently compensate for my face. I am not sure whether I have simply not done enough in that regard or if I have misjudged the situation from the start.
I've done online dating for 4-5 years. I've had so little success that I've mostly quit. I've moved around alot for work in the past few years so most of my closest friends live in a city 120 miles away or on the opposite coast.
It seems like most of the advice I have found thus far in life has been to "be yourself". I'm reaching out to an online community of strangers because I've learned through experience that this particular nugget of wisdom has not worked for me. I have been nothing else but myself for years and it's gotten me nowhere. I was hesitant to even make this post out of fear of coming across as whiney and entitled...but, as I've indicated before, I'm at the end of my figurative rope.
Thanks for reading!
TL;DR: | single my entire life, "be yourself" hasn't worked for me, hoping that by sharing some details about myself I can elicit some introspective questions or advice that will assist me. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I think I[23F] have anxiety issues. I also always get extremely uncomfortable and anxious if things don't go how I expected them to (good or bad)
POST: As the title says, I think I have anxiety issues, but don't know what to do about it. I know people will suggest seeing a therapist, and I think that's a good step. I am moving to a new country soon though so won't be able to for a while.
I constantly overthink and ruminate everything. The most minute things like texting my friends, afterwards I'll sit and reread the texts and wonder if I should have phrased things differently. Or why they haven't answered as soon as they have other times.
I also feel very uncomfortable (I don't know how else to describe it), when I predict or expect things to go a certain way (e.g interactions at a party or with friends) and they don't go how I expect them to.
I can't really pinpoint the feeling; I think it's anxiety. But it just feels overall uncomfortable and like I've somehow fucked something up.
I also think back of things I've said when out with friends, and feel upset over some things I've said if I regret them later. Usually it's really minor insignificant things, but I for some reason obsess over it.
More often it's with people who are new, or who I want to like me, or I have some interest in. But often with just platonic friends as well.
TL;DR: | I ruminate over things that cannot be changed and are unimportant, and feel anxiety when things don't go how I predict. Ways to cope or try to modify my mindset and thinking? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: Ladies, what do you think about dating bisexual men?
POST: I'm a 22 yo bisexual male who is mostly gay. I haven't quite really accepted my sexuality yet. I hate being gay. I want to marry a girl and have a traditional family. I love making love to women as well as men but am not comfortable with women. I am not confident with them. Men on the other hand are so easy. All I have to do is go on Grindr, and I'll have 50 people messaging me. Anyways I'm just wondering how much my gay side would affect the ladies opinions here of me as far as dating goes.
TL;DR: | If a guy is bisexual and has had more intimate experience with men how much would that affect your opinion of him if you were considering dating him. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: [Update 2] I [24M] lied to my current gf [24F] of 4 months about a past relationship and I don't know what to do..
POST: First update and original story:
So, I went to her again apologizing and wanting to work on things. This time she brings up before we were even together how we had made some promise to each other to not be physical with anyone else, while we were drinking nonetheless. If I had a dollar for every drunk promise someone's made to me that fell through I think I would be able to pay off a good chunk of my school loan instead of having offering my first born as sacrifice.
Back on topic, we weren't together at this point. She made it clear that I was purely a drunken make out buddy and while I was going full bore after her kept saying she only wanted to be friends and owed me nothing. All the while she kept messaging other guys. Now, am I in the wrong for drunkenly hooking up with someone when the girl I liked (current gf) was rejecting my advances to get her committed to me? I don't think so, yes it was an asshole move, and yes I do regret it. I made a mistake. However, she's implying I betrayed/basically cheated on her because she said she liked me (never told me at this time) and was only innocently talking to other guys (again I had no knowledge of what she was doing with other guys). We did hangout often, but not everyday so I had no idea what was going on.
I still should have never lied about my drunken hook up mistake, however I do think these accusations are out of line. Yeah it was an asshole move on my behalf, and I regret it. But I don't think I was in the wrong to go as far as betrayal/cheating especially since she wouldn't commit to me after I tried for so long and she kept saying she only wanted to be friends, making out meant nothing to her, and that she owed me nothing. What do you think?
TL;DR: | round 2 started with accusations of betrayal and basically cheating when she wouldn't commit to me and we weren't together at that point. |
SUBREDDIT: r/travel
TITLE: Family Beach vacation recommendations
POST: I've been researching family beach vacation destinations, but coming up short. I was looking at Captiva, Florida, but apparently this year's slow season is pretty well booked up. I'm looking for a family destination (hence, Captiva) where I can find an ocean view, and semi-private pool, and walking distance to restaurants for ~$3k condo rental. I've checked Hilton Head (never been there), but again pretty booked up. Key West has availability, but it's not an easy destination for young kids to reach (2 flights or 1 and a long drive from the mid west, UA), and there's no beach to speak of. Any thoughts?
TL;DR: | Family beach destination with a semi-private pool for under $4k, direct flights from the midwest US, that's not already booked this summer. Ideas? |
SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Why does it seem like everyone around me is "triggered" and why does it stress me out so much?
POST: Some background, I'm 29yr old male and work with people mostly older than I am. I'm in a technical field and feel that I'm your average middle class white guy living in southern CA.
I feel like I don't fit in with any nearby groups because I feel that many people around me overreact to things (usually within my same age group), misinterpret things, or actively try to deter me from doing things that I value. E.g. Older coworker tried to tell me repeatedly that running is going to ruin my body even after I showed him several studies showing the exact opposite...Another example, I'm extremely frugal and place a very high value on financial responsibility. I actually get excited about budgeting and saving money or commuting to work on my bike (because it's also great exercise and good for the environment)...
I can't really explain why but I feel like I'm doing good in many ways by behaving the way I do. I don't feel like many other people around me behave in the same way I do. I find it very difficult to relate to people who don't share those same values. Moreover, it seems because people around me don't think in the same way I do, that they believe they are right and I am wrong.
Instead of finding interest in something different, I feel that other people think I'm wrong for living and thinking the way I do and thus I think I have trouble making friends. It's very stressful and would like your guys' and gals' inputs.
TL;DR: | I'm different than those around me and feel stressed because I have no friends or people who think in a similar way that I do. I feel like people don't like me. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [20 M] with my [20 F] have been dating for 2 months, how can I avoid a one sided relationship?
POST: Basically, we've been dating for about 2 months, almost 3. I just want to know how to avoid a one sided relationship. That is, I don't want to be more into her than she is me. I like giving her attention and treating her right, as with most women I'm dating, but lately I've been feeling that she doesn't necessarily reciprocate as much as I would like. For example, for Christmas I got her a book in a topic she loves and some nice workout clothes which she mentioned she wanted. All she got me was a gift card, which seemed a little un-personal. I feel like she's comfortable and realizes I probably won't leave her. And I know from what my friends that are girls tell me is that sometimes once they know a guy is more into them than they are, they start to lose interest. I don't want to reach that point, but if I have, how can I reverse that? Thanks.
TL;DR: | I want to know how to avoid a situation where my girl sees that I am more interested than she is and starts to become comfortable and lose interest. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [20F] with my boyfriend [26M] checked my Facebook friend requests - had a bad reaction?
POST: Throwaway because my boyfriend Reddits.
We've been together for almost two years now.
I left my house to go out with my mom and aunt while my boyfriend was visiting. My boyfriend wanted to watch the patriots game so I told him he didn't have to come with us and could stay home.
While I was out he went online to log into Facebook. Since it's my computer I was still logged in. He noticed I had a friend request and proceeded to check said friend request.
Apparently it was his ex girlfriends current boyfriend, so I told him he could just hit ignore because I didn't know the kid.
Well my boyfriend was beyond angry and went as far as messaging the kid, asking why he requested me. Then he changed my Facebook settings to make sure EVERYTHING was set to private even though I had the settings specific to my page because I am a pastry chef and need to have pictures of my product open to the public.
He then said he wasn't mad at me, but at this kid for "trying to cause problems and acting childish."
I have no idea what happened between his and his ex, but he definitely made this into a bigger deal than it needed to be... He could've just hit ignore and be done with it in my opinion.
I never asked what happened in his last relationship because he made it clear he didn't like her and didn't want to talk about it.. And frankly I didn't really care.
Anyways, my question is: Should I be concerned by this?
TL;DR: | My boyfriend saw I had a friend request on Facebook. Turned out to be his ex's current boyfriend. He got mad. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: [Update] My [22F] boyfriend [25M] thinks our house is haunted.
POST: Hello everyone! I am pleased to say this is a happy update for once.
Here's the original post, guys!:
After my original post, I went to my boyfriend full of ideas on how to help put his mind at ease. As it turns out, all of those ideas were wrong for him but he was deeply appreciative that I was taking his fear seriously instead of putting him down for believing in something I don't. He said he never intended to make me feel like it was him or the house. He loves this place and the history behind it--he just wanted to share with me how he was feeling and do some little rituals.
So I helped. We tried to pin down the parts of the house that are spooky to him and both came to the same conclusion: the attic door in the bedroom is pretty freaking unsettling. It's a Cape Cod style home with a crawlspace/attic on the second floor instead of above it. For some ungodly reason, my grandfather thought it was inconvenient to access this tiny crawlspace through the closet, so he put a little door in the master bedroom, which I've hated since I moved in and had been blocking with a dresser. We sealed up that entrance to the crawlspace, and threw some salt around. And since I've always wanted a dog, we got a puppy to ward off evil, and it's hard to be scared with a little fluff-ball sleeping on your face. I specifically picked a dog that wasn't jumpy or easily frightened and my two boys have been inseparable :) All is well now and I'm happy I put my skeptical nature aside to support my wonderful boyfriend, no matter how silly it seemed.
TL;DR: | Communication is the key. He doesn't want to get rid of the house. A little ritual, a fluffy puppy and a very minor adjustment to the house has set his mind at ease. |
SUBREDDIT: r/personalfinance
TITLE: Company relocating & offering commuting stipend. Need negotiation advice.
POST: My company is relocating and is offering an unsaid fringe benefit for those whose commute will be affected. They simply said, it will be on a case by case basis.
Right now, I already commute ~40 miles, and my commute after the move will be ~45 miles but in the city center rather than a suburb.
I want to take advantage of this offer for reimbursement, but want your advice PF.
I have a few options:
1. Drive to work ($410/month)
2. Drive to commuter train station, train into the city, then use metro to work ($525/month)
3. Drive to metro station, metro into work ($380/month)
All of these options will take about the same amount of time. Currently it costs me $280/month to drive to work.
I want to get as much of a stipend as possible, as my commuting costs are high. And even if I do choose option #3, I would still prefer to receive as much as possible, obviously. I am not sure if it is a good idea to lay this all out, potentially it might be smarter to ask for a single (the highest) number? I feel I should avoid telling them what my commuting costs currently are, as that will be seen as the baseline of what I am already willing to personally pay for. Is there an amount or % that is typical an employer will cover?
I'd love your advice, PF.
TL;DR: | My company is moving & my new commuting cost will range from $380-525/month. How should I play my cards when asking for commute reimbursement? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [19 M] with my girlfriend [18 F] 8 months, cheated on me
POST: I'm so lost. I don't even know how to feel.
We've been together on and off for about 2 years. We've had a very good relationship in the last 8 months, I put my heart into this relationship, and so did she. She is a great person, very honest and basically perfect in every way.
The only problem is, that she is very naive. She doesn't realize how attractive she is, how many men want her. She would only realize some1 wants her if he is seconds away from kissing her.
It all started when she went to a bar with a friend of her. He had some drinks, she didn't. They went out of the bar, walked to the car, and he tried to kiss her. She avoided at first, but then let it happened and even kissed him back. He even touched her breasts, without her permission or consent.
She texted me 2 days later and slowly started telling the story. She then called me, crying and saying she is very sorry. She kept saying how much of a horrible person she is, how she is so sorry and she would understand if I wanted to break up with her. I told her I still love her, but i'm very angry and I can't even take my anger out on her, since she is so sensitive. She would literally cry if someone yelled at her or even changed tone.
I don't know what to do. It bugs me the most how she kissed him back. How she doesn't want to report this guy to the police for sexually harrassing her. I never would have thought she was capable of cheating on me, I'm broken up. I don't know what to do. Please, help.
TL;DR: | She went to a bar with a guy, he kissed her, she kissed back. She told me about it, said she was very sorry. |
SUBREDDIT: r/legaladvice
TITLE: Please help- received a $1500+ bill for damages done to a pole in a city I haven't been to in years.
POST: This is in Oklahoma.
I go visit my mom over the weekend and as I'm leaving she tells me there's some old mail she's been forgetting to tell me about. It's an invoice from Claims Management Resources in Oklahoma City in the sum of over $1500. It was mailed to my mother's old address in April. I haven't lived there since 2009.
The attached letter states that the amount is for the cost of labor, transportation, and materials to repair an Oklahoma Gas & Electric pole in Oklahoma City and that the damages to the pole were discovered on 3/25/2015.
I am beyond confused. I didn't do this. I live hours away from Oklahoma City and the last time I was there was when my grandma drove me and some other relatives to have lunch with my great aunt in 2012. No damages to any poles were done during this time. Before that, I hadn't visited OKC since I was a kid.
I contacted the number on the letter yesterday to explain my situation, and I was sent to someone's voice mail who has yet to contact me back. Hopefully I hear from them soon.
What can I do about this?
TL;DR: | Received a bill for damages to a pole that I didn't damage in a city I haven't been to in years. Waiting to hear back from the company charging me and needing advice on how to resolve this. |
SUBREDDIT: r/askwomenadvice
TITLE: How do you make someone feel sexy who's put on a fair bit of weight??? Its really affecting our sex life
POST: So yeah, basically me and my partner (M23) and (F23) have been together a couple of years now. Things used to be very very good, particularly in the sex life, however they have gone downhill quite a bit recently. I know that in part this is because she feels unsexy because she says she has put on weight. Normally, I just play it off and say no she hasn't, she looks great etc because I genuinely didn't think it was much, but she never really took much from that.
So recently I had a look through some old pictures from when we first started dating, and then had a look at nowadays, and lets not beat around the bush - she's put on weight. Not a tiny amount. I was a little shocked to realise how much. I don't particularly care, I still think she looks amazing, and incredibly sexy but I know for damn sure that she knows exactly where every pound went...
I've pretty much stayed the same weight (lucky me), I don't know if that affects anything.
So basically - how the hell do I make her still feel sexy and attractive? I now realise why she didn't take much from me brushing it off, but do I acknowledge that she's put on weight? I kinda think that would make it worse. So...ladies of reddit - please help me find a new tact that might make her feel more confident, and more attractive. If you need more info just let me know.
TL;DR: | My girlfriend of two and a bit years has slowly been putting on weight, and I don't know how to make her feel sexy/confident/attractive. Plz Help. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: How can we deal with her crazy ex/stalker? [m21, f23]
POST: First of all, I am 21, she is 23, we have been together for just over a year now.
She has dated her fair share of crazy men, and I often hear from her friends things like "you are the first decent guy she's dated". I also have the approval from her family, and I have heard things like "you are the first guy she's brought home who we actually like". She also has issues with self-worth and what to expect in a relationship. This makes me think that the other guys have been abusive/maladjusted.
Every once in a while, one of them will attempt to contact her through the internet and her cell phone. I am not entirely sure who it is who is bothering her, nor am I sure if it is the same person every time.
Every time she is contacted, she doesn't reply, but still becomes extremely upset. She is in the process of filing a restraining order and changing her cell phone number.
What can I do to help in this situation? What are some ways I can comfort her and help her to feel secure? Are there any tactics for getting these "crazy ex" types off her back?
Thanks for any help. I wasn't sure what subreddit this would be most appropriate in, so I hope it's ok here.
TL;DR: | GF is being hassled by her ex, and she doesn't seem comfortable talking about it. What can I do to help? What's the best way to work through this together? |
SUBREDDIT: r/dating_advice
TITLE: I [21M] am receiving mixed signals from her [22F]
POST: We had mutual attraction around new years and have been on a few dates since. The dates went really well (conversation flowed easily, mutual interests etc.).
She said that she wasn't particularly comfortable with being physical so I haven't pushed anything in that regard (basically nothing at all). My thoughts in regards to this is that I should've been more forward and just gone for it, but the time has past for that.
I said that I wanted more than just dating but a week later she said that she didn't think we should date anymore and just stay friends. We get along really well and quite frankly there are other fish in the sea so I wasn't too bummed about this and proceeded to move on. I think her reasoning was because we share different religious philosophy and she will be moving away later in the year.
We hang out last week (intention 'just as friends') but it feels exactly like a date (coffee, walk, movie). Still nothing physical and no flirting on her part. Conversation is still excellent and the whole 'just be friends' doesn't make the hanging out awkward at all.
Then, a few days after Valentines she sends me a message asking if I was the mystery person that sent her flowers (obviously someone got her flowers). It wasn't me, so I responded accordingly. She then messages back saying that she would have wanted to say thanks if it was me that had gotten them for her. Since then I have been mulling this over and trying to figure out if she's just genuinely saying thanks or she actually wants something more. Do you think there's still hope or I should continue in moving on and be glad that I've gained a friend?
TL;DR: | Dating a girl who wasn't comfortable with being physical. I think I messed up by not 'making a move'. Said she just wants to be friends but is sending mixed messages. Got another shot or just move on? |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by checking my voicemail at work.
POST: So this has been an ongoing TIFU that just came to a head today. First a little background on where I work. I'm a teacher at a small country school on a Hutterite Colony. I've been here for 5 years and been using the school phone for personal things during recess and lunchtime for those 5 years.
For the past year I have been having trouble with my cell phone not telling me when I have a voice mail. The messages will be in my inbox but there has been no indication that I have a message. I tried changing my voicemail password, calling my cell provider and bitching to them about it, and even changed phones once. Still same problem, no voicemail indicator. During this same time period I started to get calls from an "unavailable" number. It started out a few a week, then a few a night, and recently up to 30 calls a night to my cell and home phone number. I mentioned this to my teachers aid and she said she was having the same problem. So we look at our phone records and sure enough the "unavailable" numbers were Colony numbers and after threatening to get the police involved the culprits were weeded out and someone spilled the beans that one of the students had my voicemail password. They got it off the school phone along with my personal number. They have been listening to my messages for about a year now. I run a lawn care business during the summer months and this has cost me more than a few clients. I have missed appointment reminders, and messages from friends and family. Not to mention the vulgarities these children have heard me screaming through the phone at them when the prank calls got bad.
I am now waiting to have a meeting with the Colony elders, students parents, and the students. Should be interesting.
TL;DR: | Used my work phone for personal things. Shithead students figured out my VM PW and have been listening to my VM's for about a year now. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [23/f] got the courage to tell my boyfriend about my anxiety and it didn't go like I hoped.
POST: Yesterday, I posted the question "should I tell my BF about my anxiety;" got some really supportive answers and worked up the courage to tell him.
So last night we were laying (lying?) in bed; about once a week or so he feels bummed/anxious himself, and last night was one of those. He was expressing that feeling to me - raging, monologuing, expressing his worries - and I listened.
He then asked me how my day is, and I opened up and told him that I was feeling anxious myself that morning. That I was convinced I'd ruined the relationship, and was worried about other things in my life.
Well, his response was so self-centered (I think?). He said that's exactly how he feels all the time. Pointed to life events he's had that've especially made him feel this way. He ended with "You're just like me! How are we so similar? *rolls in for a hug* It's not easy being me, is it!" "If you hadn't told me I would've had no idea you're so anxious."
I didn't say anything to that. It's amazing how one sentence can be so self-centered. I think he caught wind of my silence and then asked "What can I do to make it better for you?"
I'm disappointed in him. I get that he felt anxious himself, but I'd just spent so long listening to him rant about his problems, asked him questions about it, soothed him; then when it came to "my turn," he brought it back to himself.
I don't feel like talking to him about this ("the other day when we were talking about my problem you made it about yourself."). I think his response was very unattractive.
This morning I messaged him to say I hope his day is happier than yesteday. He didn't respond.
TL;DR: | I told BF about my anxiety and he made the whole conversation about himself. How much to take that into consideration as we/I move forward. |
SUBREDDIT: r/cats
TITLE: Is my cat depressed?
POST: About a month ago we had a new addition to our family, a kitten who we got so that our first cat (1yo) would have a companion when we're at work and stuff, so she's not lonely.
Anyway, the kitten got a lot of attention at the beginning and im starting to think that my first cat is a bit depressed and maybe feels neglected?
She doesn't quite eat like she used to and she no longer greets us with entusiasm like she normally does, she is not interested in playing like before and she just feels kind of blue all the time. This is even more apperent when the kitten is around. I feel so bad about this because I love her so much and i don't want her to feel unloved.
The whole reason we got a new kitten was so she would be happy even when we are not at home and have a buddy around. She used to always lay beside us when we went to bed, but now she just lays on the floor and is a bit distant.
I told my SO that we have to really focus on giving her lots of love and attention to make her happy and joyfull again.
Do you guys have any other tips on how to make her happy? Have your cat experienced something like this before? Please share.
I lover her so much and this makes me so sad. :'(
TL;DR: | I think my cat is depressed because of less attention due to new kitten, what can i do to make her happy again? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: [20/M] Update on a post I made 10 months ago, an ex and an unfulfilling relationship
POST: [The old post](
Hi /r/relationships, I figured I'd update you all on a post that I made a while ago (though hardly anyone looked at it). A lot has changed since then. I got accepted into a great university and I've made lots of friends and built many friendships. I ended things with the person that was emotionally abusing me mid-December 2015.
Honestly, I couldn't be any happier. I never spoke to my ex, I've long moved past her and I'm currently in a relationship with a fantastic girl that goes to the university I attend. I really think we'll move past being just boyfriend/girlfriend. We respect each other, have fun together, and have taken the overall relationship pretty slow, which I think has really drawn me closer to her. I don't have much more to add, I just wanted to share my happiness with everyone!
TL;DR: | Was in an emotionally abusive relationship for about a year and a half while still in love with an ex, currently the happiest I've been in a very, very long time. |
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