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SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: My (28f) long term boyfriend (36 m) is secretive about his gmail chats. Should I be worried?
POST: We live together so we potentially could access most of each others accounts but he is oddly secretive about his gchats. One time he left his computer on and I accidentally noticed a conversation going on with one of his female college friends and he was talking about a fight we had and other personal details of our relationship portraying me in a slightly negative light. After that he makes a point to delete his browser history and deletes all chat records. We had a calm discussion about it and he said he only did that because he doesn't want the computer guy at work to be able to find his chats. The timing seems suspicious. He mostly talks to high school and college female friends while at work about pretty deep topics like aging and life goals (he tells me about some of them). He even had one talk with a highschool friend about her marriage and sex life after they got married. He leaves gchat on during work so potentially has a lot of conversations going on. Am I being weird to be worried? We talked about how I feel and he says he will be more considerate of my feelings - but I don't like that he seems to be hiding his chat records. Part of what made me trust him was that he never seemed to keep anything hidden.
TL;DR: | my long term bf chats over the Internet with mostly female friends. I caught him gossiping about our relationship to one of them and since he has hidden all chat records. What should I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [21 F] may have acquired a stalker [23 M]
POST: I have a friend [24 F] who has for the past year had a guy doing some low-level stalking. He constantly messages her on every social media/game account he can find, gives her unsolicited gifts, butts into conversations to try and speak for her, and follows her around the school at every opportunity. She has told him multiple times not to do these things, but he only every stops for maybe a week or two. He frames all of this as trying to make her happy because she "seems sad" (though she's not, she's just uncomfortable when he's around).
About a month ago he started coming to me to ask about how she is, to which I reply with "I don't know, I'm busy right now." While I was waiting for my friend after class recently he came over and wanted to know if I was "feeling ok". I replied with a curt "I'm fine" to avoid the inevitable friend-inquiry. He messaged me with the almost word-for-word same message he usually sends my friend, just with the details changed. He also sent me a video of bear cubs because I was "sad after class".
I'm worried that he's transferring/extending his stalker-ish tendencies to me since this is about how he started with my friend. I already blocked him on Facebook because he already sends too many non-school related messages. We're all in the same degree program, so I can't just avoid him. If he starts doing similar things to me (gift giving, following, interrupting), what should I do besides state clearly that I don't want him to do those things.
TL;DR: | My friend's stalker seems to be latching onto me and I would like advise about what to do if he starts stalking in earnest. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Is there a way to make a man understand that it's ok to show his feelings?
POST: Hi, this is a broad question that is often on my mind.
My boyfriend [22] likes to be a "real" man. He doesn't want me to pay for dinner. He doesn't show his feelings (except the ones he has for me) and basically will never talk about issues he may have or problems or things that bother him.
My best friend has the same problem with her boyfriend and we know it comes from education and society if they believe so strongly that "men don't cry" and "men are strong".
So we are wondering if there is a way to make them understand that they don't have to be like this in intimate moments. They can have problems. They can talk about it, they can complain and as partners we can help them.
Did anyone went through this? Did anyone managed to go over these gendered stereotypes?
TL;DR: | My bf doesn't talk about his problems and emotions because "men are strong". I can't get him to understand that he doesn't have to be like this in front of me. Any theory or solutions? |
SUBREDDIT: r/jobs
TITLE: Just a friendly reminder for those with nervous habits and making a good first impression in an interview.
POST: Hey everyone, I want to share a story that has really opened my eyes on my nervous habit: Nail biting.
When you are in a job interview either one-to-one or a group interview or an audtion, if you have a nervous habit, make sure you keep it under control. The possibility of you getting the job or losing is sometimes dependent on whether or not you make a good impression.
I had applied recently for a job in a [Magnet] status hospital. It also is one of the few hospitals that operates a [Planetree] patient centered view of healthcare.
Essentially, the premier, creme de la creme kind of hospital.
I had everything going well for me!
* I have an excellent resume
* I have great interpersonal skills
* I exude confidence
* I knew what the job entails
* I prioritize well in a high-stress environment
I got everything down pat, but it wasn't that I wasn't qualified for the position (it was Concierge), but that I had been unconsciously biting my nails and skin picking around the fingers. This was the single most defining factor in the job audition. I lost out on a great job that paid $20/hour, full benefits, etc. The whole 9 yards.
Since then, I've been so aware of my nail biting and skin picking that I haven't done so in 2 weeks, the longest time ever!
TL;DR: | BE CONSCIOUS OF YOUR NERVOUS HABITS! IT CAN MAKE OR BREAK WHETHER YOU GET A JOB. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Have you ever witnessed police brutality?
POST: I don't mean if you've ever seen a video online, but rather first hand experiences.
When I was younger I was sitting outside of my apartments on the stairs with some friends. About 50 feet away in the parking lot there is this Mexican couple, and the male is severely intoxicated. She was driving a van, and he had his truck parked right next to her. She had just put her son in the car and was trying to get to the driver's side to leave. He started pushing her and grabbing her to stop her. At this point me and a couple of friends start walking over to politely escort her to the driver door. Before we got halfway there, she threw him on the ground and ran to the front and got away.
He stands up, but he's having big trouble staying. Next thing you know he starts doing karate and fighting the air. We sit back and start laughing at him. The next thing you know, he jumps in his truck and starts it. This guy was wasted, there was no way he could drive without wrecking and most likely killing someone or himself. I immediately called the police and reported it.
The guy ended up falling asleep at the wheel. Not even 2 minutes after calling the cops, two squad cars show up. They opened his door, took one look at him and pepper sprayed him and then started punching him. After they got a few swings in, they pulled him out to the ground, punched him a couple of more times, and cuffed him. Not even 15 seconds later, while he was laying on the ground handcuffed, another cop walked up, pepper sprayed him and punched him again.
About 5 minutes later, the first cop there walked up to me and thanked me for calling and said that they know the guy and he's been arrested numerous times and always fights them.
TL;DR: | drunk guy doing karate in the air got in his truck and started it. I called the cops and they pepper sprayed and punched him numerous times, even after he was handcuffed and on the ground. |
SUBREDDIT: r/self
TITLE: Reddit, Tell me your stories about your experiences with someone who was/is overly attached to you or a friend.
POST: This may or may not have been done before. I searched, but didn't find any results so I figured I'd give another chance to those who may have missed it or just have new stories to tell. :)
I dated an overly attached for about 5 years so I have plenty of my own, but here's the most recent experience with another overly attached, who happens to be a friend of mine's boyfriend:
A good friend of mine shot me a text last week to set up plans for a much needed, long overdue girl's day. Yesterday was to be that day. We were supposed to hang out at her place maybe watch some movies and play some vinyl on my new turn table. She text me during the day and asked me to meet her at a restaurant. This was a little odd, but I figured we'd meet there for drinks and then head to her place to hang out. No big deal. When I arrived at the restaurant, I found her there with her boyfriend. She had explicitly expressed to me that the purpose of our hang out session was to get away from her boyfriend for a day because she felt that he was too clingy and she just wanted some time to spend with her best friend (me). They've only been dating for about two months and they haven't spent a single day apart. After we were finished at the restaurant, they tell me to have a safe drive home…. I smiled and bid farewell to the duo but when I got to my car, I had a huge WTF moment. Had I known he was going to be there, I wouldn't have ditched my boyfriend and we could've made it a double date. I ended up coming to the conclusion that it'll probably be a while before I get my friend back. I've decided to let them john and yoko it up and just go about my business and not expect any girl's nights with her anytime soon. It's a sad day when one of those overly attached people get a hold of your best friend.
So, Reddit, your turn. Give me some stories to read during my boring work day. :)
TL;DR: | – Friend plans a girls night to get away from her boyfriend, he ends up crashing and cutting our plans short. Your turn. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [22 M] with my GF [21 F] 3 year, feel no longer attracted to her.
POST: Warning: Not so good english...
Hello Reddit,
I know this is a recurrent subject, but I really need a voice to tell how to proceed with this.
We've dating for 3 and a little more years, but lately (a month or so) I don't feel the same way about her. I'd rather be with friends or alone than with her. She's very dependant and she needs lots of attention. Everyday I get the "Do you still love me?", "I don't want to lose you", "Are we going to be together for a long time?" and it kills me. I don't even know how to answer lately. She's in love with me (she has told me), so a break up will kill her, but maybe it's the only choice.
The other thing is there is so much stuff that we share: same college, same carreer, same classes, same group of friends. We even have a little business together.
Please help me. This is my very first serious relationship and I don't really know how to breakup with someone, and with someone who hasn't done nothing wrong, cares and loves me. I just feel like a dick.
TL;DR: | I'm not longer attracted to my girl, and I need advice in how to break up, where and how to handle the consequences. |
SUBREDDIT: r/weddingplanning
TITLE: Help with a bridesmaid with a drug problem.
POST: Hey Reddit, I need some advice. I'm getting married in June and one of my best friends who is one of my bridesmaids has a coke problem that's been getting worse. She always partied, and hell I used to party with her, but it has been getting really bad lately. Since I asked her a year ago she has really started to go downhill and goes on long binges, followed by periods of depression. I love her and I'm worried but I also know I can't make her get well if she isn't ready. I've been clean and staying sober when we go out, but she was high at my Christmas party around my parents. I smoke weed, am no prude, but to me at least, blow is another kind of beast.
I can't help worrying about her just not showing up on that day. She has a tendency of disappearing for long periods and some of the bridesmaids are already resenting her for not helping them with the bridal shower. Having been around addicts before, I know she needs to want to get clean, but I would feel horrible if she flaked. She has been there for me through a lot and I want to be there for her, but what can I do to also make sure she doesn't do something she will surely later regret on that day? She is a good person, but she is out of control. Am I wrong to wonder how to minimize her humiliating me or worse, crushing my heart on this day? I need to mentally prepare myself for that possibility, but I dont know how.
I also feel like I am walking on eggshells with her. If any of you have dealt with coke or people on other hard drugs, you know that the crash is brutal and that it messes up your emotions for days. She get's easily angry and defensive and I don't know how to talk to her anymore. I'm scared she'll just bolt on me. I worry about her like a sister.
Has anyone dealt with this before? What can I do to help her and also protect myself? I would feel terrible kicking her out of the wedding, but I'm also starting to think it's more than she can handle right now. Any help would be appreciated.
TL;DR: | my best fiend has turned into a coke-head and I'm worried she'll ruin my wedding day, and her own life. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: How do I live with my soon to be ex?
POST: I am a 33yo male involved with a 25 yo female. We've been dating for 3 years. We both love or care for each other but our relationship has been fraught with problems. About a year ago we moved in with each other. It's been a less that happy experience. Now it looks like the writing is on the wall and I'm going to need to move out. For a number of reasons I'm the one that has to move except heres the problem.
We live in a really expensive part of the country and I can't afford to move out right away. It might take up to 2 months to have enough money to do it. 1 if I start selling my stuff. So how do I/we best deal with that time that we have to live w/ each other? We are mostly nice, sometimes civil, and occasionally angry with each other.
We've talked circles around breaking up and me moving out but it never gets resolved. Currently my plan is to just keep my plans quiet until I've got something lined up because I don't want to make a not good situation even more bad. Reddit please help with some ways to make this whole situation less hard and awkward.
TL;DR: | living with my SO, need to move out but can't move out asap because of money. How do I best deal with the time we have to spend together? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I (16M) am a little put off by my girlfriend's (16F) rare party habits. Help.
POST: We've been dating for around two months and very rarely she attends parties. I'm not much into the party scene (mostly because I haven't had the opportunity) but for some reason her going irks me a bit. She drinks but doesn't get drunk, spare the most recent example (nothing happened, she went home and called me.) I trust her implicitly, so the idea of her cheating on me doesn't even cross my mind.
I'm just trying to figure out what makes me feel so odd about the situation. What I'm really looking for is a good way to think of this situation to where I feel comfortable with her making her own decisions. Any advice is appreciated.
TL;DR: | girlfriend rarely partys, bothers me for some reason, what is a good way to think of it that makes me comfortable |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [21 M] with my gf [20 F] of a few weeks, wants to "hang" with other guys who have a thing for her.
POST: My new girlfriend keeps in touch with/ regularly spends time with other boys who have previously asked her out but she turned down. I talked to her about it and she assured me that she told them "I just want to be friends." I believe what she is saying. She's even invited me along to chill with them. Is it okay that she does this? Should I tag along? I Haven't gone with them as I think she deserves to have her own relationships. What do you expect from your SO when it comes to spending time with others when romantic intentions involved?
TL;DR: | gf hangs out with guys who have asked her out in the past. Is it cool if she spends time with them alone/ in a group? |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by dyeing my hair brown
POST: Alright. I fuck with my hair a lot. I'm naturally blonde, but I've had anywhere from black to blue. Well, it was pastel purple up until yesterday, when my younger cousin and I decided to bleach it. With drug store dye. Yeah
It turned out orange and I wasn't that bothered by it. Then, *bam*, boyfriend dumps me. What's my great idea? Light brown! So, my cousin and I go to the drugstore yet again and pick up some brown dye.
About 3 minutes in I realize what a stupid mistake I've made but know it's too late to turn back, so I start sobbing uncontrollably while my cousin tries to comfort me. We wash it out, blow dry it, and I start crying even harder. I hate it.
Not only was my hair dark fucking brown, but the ends were fried and we had to cut them off. So there I was, crying my eyes out on the phone with my best friend, who was trying to console me the best he could as my cousin went at my hair with the scissors. I lost 1 inch.
We had to put in coconut oil to save the rest and now? Now I'm bawling my eyes out 6 hours after because I hate the way I look.
Now because of how dark and damaged my hair is, it's gonna take me at least a month to get it back to be at least somewhat blonde and I'm gonna lose a good amount of length with it. I know it seems super immature, but I really can't stop crying.
TL;DR: | I dyed my hair after a breakup, which is always a bad decision. Ended up frying my hair and didn't even get the color I wanted. |
SUBREDDIT: r/personalfinance
TITLE: Had to use my emergency fund for the first time. So glad I have it.
POST: The short of it is I need(ed) to spend about $2100 on 2 days notice. I feel so "lucky" that I've been maintaining an emergency fund of 2 months income for nearly a decade. When I was extremely poor (food stamps, rotating bills to pay late), the idea of an emergency fund was unimaginable. Now that I'm making a steady income, saving away $200-$300 every month in addition to a fairly substantial entertainment budget ($400) and a retirement plan ($500), being able to take this hit and realize it just means I'll be shifting my savings for a bit and not having to compromise on my lifestyle is a huge relief.
TL;DR: | I actually maintained an emergency fund and it's making a potentially life-altering financial situation into a mildly stressful event. |
SUBREDDIT: r/travel
TITLE: How do you sell a timeshare?
POST: While on vacation, my wife and I bought a timeshare. We were a bit on the fence about it, but the sales guy showed us a starter plan that seemed to make really good sense. There were also perks for members such as super discounted hotel stays with any hotels in their program which made great sense for weekend getaways. I even asked about what happens if we changed our minds and they assured me that their company has a buyback program.
Well long story short, a few months later we're still on the fence about it. We recently found out the weekend getaways are actually a minimum of week long getaways, so finding the time to take the family and a sitter for the pets becomes far more difficult.
To make things even better, I asked how their buy back program worked, just saying that I was curious for more information as well as what would need to be done if we found a new owner for it and was told they don't do that and referred me to a few outside sources that typically facilitate timeshare sales.
I'm feeling a bit screwed over. I was the idiot who bought a timeshare, and I can deal with that, but I'm looking at what my next best steps are now. I'm curious about unloading it and taking as little of a hit as possible, and it looks like finding out how to do that is entirely on me now. I've never owned a timeshare until a couple months ago so I'm in the dark on the best way to sell it. I'm hoping there's a few of you in here who might have been through this before and be able to share your advice/experiences.
TL;DR: | bought a timeshare and found out it wasn't all they presented it as. Now I'm looking to sell it and wanted some advice on how to do that. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [22 M] and a girl [21 F] ended things because she wanted to give ex another chance.
POST: Me [M 22] and this girl [21 F] who I have been seeing for the past 2 months just ended things because she wants to give her ex another chance.
I thought the relationship was going well but she then told me even though she still had strong feelings for me, she wanted to give her ex another chance because of their history together.
Even though we were going out for only two months we had a strong attachment to each other, and finding it difficult to get over.
Can anyone suggest ways that helped them get over a person after a breakup?
TL;DR: | Girl I was seeing went back to her ex, finding it hard to get over it. Any suggestions on helping to get over a person? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I{21f} like this man{26} and he's just not trying.
POST: I've known him since I was 17. We had a thing back then for a month or so. He was a virgin at the time and didn't date anyone. We never had sex, but we did get really close. Eventually it started to scare me and I pushed him away. I started dating someone and we just broke up in March after 4 years.
We recently went out to the bar. I was completely blown away by how he looked amazing. We're all having a good time catching up. I told him I think we should pick up where we left off. He agreed. We both weren't drunk. We get back to his place and start hooking up. We don't have sex and I leave after a while. I texted him that I had a great time and he agreed.
We haven't spoken a lot since. He said he's been spending a lot of time at home. Which is whatever. He started ignoring me little bit and I got really annoyed. I him again last weekend. I asked him about it. He said he doesn't really know what's going on in his life right now. That we don't really know each other anymore. He wants to start as friends and see where it goes. I said fine.
The next day he hung out with one of our mutual friends and said he felt really stupid for the things he said. Now, we spoke very briefly yesterday and he said hopefully he'll feel better this week to see me. I don't know how to feel about that. He used to be really into me when we were younger. Now, it's like he doesn't care. What do I do?
TL;DR: | Old friend and I hooked up again. I want to be his. He didn't know where he stands. It's getting exhausting. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: My paranoia over events/situations is damaging me. Help Reddit.
POST: I have an interesting fear of things. Whenever I read something horrible someone has done (pedophilia, rape, being creepy etc) I realize how easy it is for someone to fall down the slippery slope and my mind begins to churn. I have night terrors where I think I'm becoming those people or out in public I can get pangs of fear when I pass a women, man or see a child playing. I don't have any sexual feelings for children and I don't try to sexualized them, but when I think about my fear, my eyes drift to sexual areas and I panic thinking I'm becoming one.
It has gone from fear of pedophilia, to rape/stalking to being creepy. I have gotten over most of the issues, but some linger and they flare up every now and then. ATM I am at a low and am feeling terrible. How can I control my thoughts and push out negativity?
This stemmed from a book I read as a kid. It was a feminist book that explained the damage of porn of peoples lives and how people can become Ted Bundy and it is ruining our nation. It drove a deep fear of sex and porn into me. I watch porn and I think its a dirty thing that could turn me into a sex maniac.
TL;DR: | I am paranoid that I will become a monster and I panic when my mind "seems" to wonder and I beat myself up. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [24 M] am separated from wife [26 F], but not allowed to legally divorce for 6 more months. Should I date?
POST: So my wife and I parted on friendly terms around 6 months ago, have agreed to all our division of assets, and she has moved back to her family in Europe. However, being in Canada, we are not allowed to legally divorce until 12 months of separation have passed (there was no adultery or cruelty), so we are still legally married. There is zero chance of reconciliation; we don't talk much other than about the legal considerations and neither of us are interested. It was a youthful mistake.
Meanwhile, there is this nice young lady that recently started coming to a meetup I go to with some friends, and I've talked to her a few times and we really hit it off. I am interested in asking her out on a date, but I've been hesitant to bring the topic up; some of my friends have told me I shouldn't date until I am officially legally divorced, and shouldn't even ask her what she thinks.
I'm not desperate for a relationship, but she's really nice, and even if not her, I may meet someone else before the next 6 months are up. What should I do, Reddit? Tell prospective dates I'm still legally married before asking them out, or just wait for the marriage to be legally well and truly over before trying anything?
TL;DR: | Separated but not allowed to legally divorce for another 6 months; what is the proper thing to do regarding getting back into the dating pool? |
SUBREDDIT: r/offmychest
TITLE: You can judge me if you want but I made it through.
POST: Let me preface this by saying I'm sorry if this is messy, I hate when people put these kinds of disclaimers but I really want people to read this and hope my crazed, excited state doesn't put them off.
I know reddit is a pretty accepting place.
My family is not accepting.
I have five older sisters who all went to Ivy League schools and I'm not even from the States!! My parents love them so much and they say they love me equally but I know they don't.
I don't wanna be a whiny teenager but I came out to my parents 17 months ago and they have never been more disappointed in me. They asked me to stay with my grandparents for a month while they got their heads around it. They told me they would teach me how to be straight and that it was okay I was going through this phase. They asked if I had tried any drugs which may have caused this. I have never been so offended!!
They desperately didn't want me to be gay and tried everything they could to change me.
My dad read somewhere that eating meat can cause kids to think they're gay so when I was allowed to move back home I couldn't eat any meat. They also banned anything even slightly phallic. My body wash was banned and exchanged for a bar of soap, my shampoo was put into a snap-lock bag and my phone was taken off of me because it was "too long and skinny"
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THEM!?? I know that heaps of people have bad parents that don't accept their sexuality but my parents rules were ridiculous!!
Anyway, I've been dating the guy of my dreams for three months and he's quite a bit older and has asked me to move in with him so I'm finally out from under my parents and don't have to listen to them anymore!!
I am so proud to be gay and don't care about them.
Oh and I will definitely be putting my man's meat in my mouth regularly in honour of my crazy, twisted parents.
TL;DR: | My homophobic parents have made my life hell over the past year and a half but I don't have to live with them anymore |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [25/F] am going to be meeting my boyfriend's [25/M] parents for the first time tonight and I can't calm my nerves or insecurities!
POST: I talked to my boyfriend about how nervous I was and he was very sweet and said "Don't worry so much, I know they'll love you." However, I am a worrier and could use any tips on how to make this the best first impression possible. Obviously, I don't want to pretend to be someone I'm not but I can come off as very shy when I'm first meeting someone because I get so nervous. All I can picture is myself stumbling over my words or saying something super awkward that would make his parents a little apprehensive of me.
Also, I am incredibly insecure about being "bigger" than my boyfriend. I am by no means fat or even a bit overweight but my boyfriend is the same height as me but also thinner than me. I'm worried that I am going to project these insecurities so much that his parents will pick up on it. I am still fretting over what to wear when I meet them. My boyfriend says to wear whatever I would be comfortable in for the 6 hour drive that it will take to see them but that would mean meeting them in shorts and a Ramones t-shirt...
Thanks in advance!
TL;DR: | Completely in love with a guy and terrified of making a fool of myself in front of his parents because I'm so nervous and self-conscious |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Question for Reddit regarding workplace internet use and tracking usage from the server...
POST: Hey Reddit, question for you regarding monitoring activity on a work computer... I work at a small office, and we don't have an IT staff whatsoever. I do the minor stuff (I'm no professional, but I can "speak the language" well enough to make sure we stay open), but mostly we contract out for our needs. I do have access (password, permission to use) to the server.
Here's my question. I don't know the first thing about servers, just how to fix ours when it goes out (which basically involves resetting it). But can we track activity of computers on the network from this server? Windows Server 2003 if that matters. My boss doesn't really care if folks do some email or facebook or whatever, just needs to make sure it's not completely inappropriate sites being visited. Anyway, can we track, from the server, where individual users have gone?
TL;DR: | I'm not worried about others tracking me, I want to know *how to do the tracking myself*. I do have authority and access, just not know-how. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I'm [30/M] really scared to give my girlfriend [30/F] genital herpes
POST: I've gotten cold sores in my past. This is HSV1 and will come up on a full panel std test. I am HSV2 negative. I havent had a cold sore in probably 5 years that I was aware of. I have told my new girlfriend I have gotten cold sores and am HSV1 positive. She brushed it off fairly quickly saying it was no big deal, but claims she never had a cold sore.
My problem is that my ex girlfriend had a genital herpes outbreak while she was with me and tested positive for hsv1. Negative for hsv2. We came to the conclusion it was from me going down on her, even though I had no symptoms. It was very traumatic for both of us.
Should I move on and just chalk my last experience as just bad luck? I gave my disclosure that I have HSV1. Am I responsible to educate every possible nightmare scenario with a virus that most people have? I would be devastated to go through the same situation with my new gf, but at the same time I dont ever see myself bringing up my last experience with this. Any advice?
TL;DR: | Told my girlfriend I have HSV1 (along with 60+% of the population) - Should I educate her on every possible scenario associated with that or is my disclosure enough? |
SUBREDDIT: r/weddingplanning
TITLE: Am I being a Bridezilla, or am I justified?
POST: I got engaged in March and my wedding is set for next February. We had the engagement party three week ago in the town where I just moved from, which is also where the wedding will be. Out of the bridal party, only ONE bridesmaid missed it.
This girl is notoriously flaky and has in our seven years of friendship bailed repeatedly on different things we have planned. When planning my engagement party, I gave her TWO MONTHS notice because I didn't want her to have any excuses. She promised to be there, and then, a week before the party, she bailed. She said that she had just gotten a new job and couldn't ask for time off yet, but when I asked her if she'd told them during the hiring/interview process that she had a prior commitment coming up, she hadn't. She didn't want to come after she got off work (which was only about halfway through the party) because she lives a little over an hour away.
Since then I have moved to the same town where she lives and she hasn't made a single attempt to see me or contact me. I'm really rethinking my decision to make her a bridesmaid. Initially I had told her that she would get one more chance but she demanded I give her at least 30 days notice for any future wedding events or she wouldn't be there.
I know a lot of you will be asking why I decided to ask her to begin with, but as an army brat I don't have any "childhood" friends I can ask and I've already asked my three other closest female friends to be in the wedding party, but to make them even with the groomsmen I needed five total.
I can't always have 30 days in advance for things like dress shopping and I need someone reliable. I'd rather the numbers be uneven at this point than have a flake. Thoughts?
TL;DR: | bridesmaid is a flake and I want to replace or remove her but don't want to be a bridezilla. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Reddit, what is the proper way to call a potential employer about your application/resume?
POST: I have put my application in almost everywhere within 10 miles of my house. Some I did online and some I had to fill out a physical application and hand it in. But I haven't received any calls or any form of contact. My parents and my friends have told me that I have to call them and say something. But when I ask what to say, they always run out of ideas.
I am in desperate need of a job. My savings are almost depleted. My question to you is what do I say when I call? Have you had this some situation? There is one main employer I wish to call (because I've been in the same field before and liked it) that I have several friends working at. They said they had to call about their application before they had an interview.
TL;DR: | I ain't got no job, people have told me to call and ask about my application, what do I say when I call? |
SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: There's an autistic person I want to leave me alone.
POST: Listen man, I'm gonna come off as a douche. I apologize ahead of time for coming off as rude.
For the past year, this (We don't know if he has autism, but he shows a lot of signs) autistic guy has been following me and my friend's group around a lot. I made a big mistake by being very kind to him, because now he thinks we're friends. We are not. I am very uncomfortable whenever he says anything because he is just OOZING with autism. Like, I'll be trying to have a conversation with someone and he'll whip out some meme jokes, make a weird spit sloshing sound, talk about mine-craft, and walk away. Now I don't really care what people think've me, but It's gotten to the point where my own friends will avoid me because this guy won't leave me alone. Not to mention he reeks of spoiled movie theater butter. Whenever he talks everyone just gets really quiet and says "Yeah, uh-huh, okay." He does not get any social Queues what so ever.
How do I tell him in a nice way to kindly fack-uff?
I don't want to hurt his feelings but I'm tired of suffering. I dread meets because he's always there and he's ruining everyone's time.
Help, please.
TL;DR: | Autistic Kid won't leave me alone and I don't want to be mean but that's backfired and now he won't leave me and my friends alone. |
SUBREDDIT: r/loseit
TITLE: Exercise that won't kill me?
POST: Hi!
I've recently started the long adventure of losing weight. I'm male, and currently around 260lbs. I think I need to be around 150lbs for my height so I have a ~~nice~~ long way to go.
I'm also ridiculously unfit. Ideally I want to build muscle so that I appear more toned when I'm at my ideal weight, but I also just want to increase my fitness levels generally too. I bought the Insanity workout thinking 'oh if you can do it at home with no equipment I should be able to do that'. Well, at 260lbs, the Fit Test alone kicked my butt.
My biggest concern with it was the amount of jumping - I feel its probably better for someone of a lower weight who wants to tone up. It felt awkward on my joints when 260lbs came crashing down on them! So I don't think its really suitable for me at this point in time. To be honest, just the 'warm up' nearly killed me!
So I wanted to ask your advice of some exercise I can do at home to start increasing my fitness levels. I'm afraid the gym isn't an option at the moment - my self esteem and confidence levels are at an all time low and there's simply no way at the moment I could cope with joining a gym. I need something that won't destroy my joints (not too much jumping!) but will increase my fitness levels, maybe to the point I can start the Insanity workout at a later date. I guess I'm looking for some sort of cardio but don't know where to start. A lot of the home workout stuff I've found is based on bodyweight fitness, and I think my size is going to make it too difficult for that.
At the moment I walk around 3 miles a day, but I've done this for years and it doesn't seem to affect my fitness levels at all really. The Fit Test of the Insanity workout had me on the floor within about 20 seconds!
TL;DR: | So, any advice for some exercise that will help improve my fitness levels and circulation that I can do at home, is suitable for someone 110lbs overweight and that won't kill me or my joints? |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by looking for a comb in my parents' bathroom
POST: This just happened a couple of hours ago.
I was fixing myself up for a little day out with a few friends, and I went to comb my hair. I misplaced my comb somewhere, (I still don't know where it is) and my dad always has one or two in his bathroom. So I go over to my parents' bathroom and search for it on the granite of the sink, but no luck.
This here's the FU; I open the first drawer of the sink/table thingy and what do I find my dear redditors? Lube. I find a small tube of durex numbing lube INSIDE MY DAD'S BATHROOM DRAWER. It gets worse...
At the time, I was thinking, "What the fuck? What the everliving fuck has my dad been doing?!?" I pick it up to read what it says, the moment I picked up the lube I knew I had reached maximum fuck-uppery.
It was *slippery*. Not the freshly used type of slippery, but slippery nonetheless. Oh, and guess what? **It had hair on it.** You don't know true terror until you hold up your father's used lube tube, with his pubes all over the fucking thing.
Now if you would excuse me, I need to boil my hands and cram a crowbar through my ear to erase that memory.
TL;DR: | I went looking for a comb in my parents' bathroom. Picked up a tube of lube and it was covered with pube hair. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [32F] with my SO [45 M] together for over 2 years, won't move in with me.
POST: I am a single mom and my boyfriend of just over 2 years won't move in with me. I'm trying not to pressure him adn scare him away, but it's becoming really difficult to juggle the two worlds - him and my kids. I have to leave my kids with my parents to spend time with him twice a week. This has been going on for the past 2 years. I've been going back and forth between being with him and the kids. I feel so torn apart and exhausted from trying to keep it up.
He recently started spending more and more time with them; getting to know them, weekends here and there at his place with them. But he won't commit to more than that. I'm so frustrated. I love him and I can't think of any other problem that exists in our relationship, but at this point I'm so turned off by his resistance to being with us, I don't want to be with him anymore. Am I being impatient?
TL;DR: | My boyfriend of 2 years won't move in with me and I feel like I'm being selfish by pushing him because I have kids and I don't have any more extra time to go out and date him any longer. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I'm [26 F] having an irrational response to widowed new bf [31 M] of six months, not sure if I should continue relationship
POST: Hi. I'll try to keep this short. My boyfriend's late wife died very suddenly and tragically seven years ago. They'd been together since they were young teenagers (ages 14-24) and their families were/are extremely close, like one big family.
I've only met his parents once and though they were kind and polite, they seemed sort of off and sad during our dinner. When I mentioned it to my boyfriend, he told me I was the first women he's brought home since his wife passed, and it probably brought up feelings for them.
The anniversary of his wife's passing was a couple weeks ago and he, his parents and his siblings, her parents and her siblings all met up for an annual memorial-type thing. I asked if he wanted me to come and he said it was too soon, but maybe I could accompany him in the future.
I love my BF, he's really wonderful, but I'm feel like his late wife was his "one true love" and I'm some kind of compromise and I'll forever be second to her. There are a few pictures of them around his house and a few of her things, nothing crazy, but they make me super uncomfortable. I know this sounds superficial and crazy, but my BF and his wife are/were both very tall, thin blondes, and they look sort of "perfect" together. I'm short and curvy with dark features.
I think maybe I'm just not emotionally mature enough to handle dating a widower? It feels complicated and uncomfortable in a way I don't know how to describe. Like I'll never be who he REALLY wants, who he would be with if not for her accident. Maybe we should break up, and he can find someone who can handle it? Or maybe there's a way for me to feel better about it? Help!
TL;DR: | Feel overshadowed by my boyfriend's late wife, even though he's done nothing wrong, wondering if we should break up. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [20 M] and my best friend [19 F] for 1.5 years, starting to gain feelings for her, but worried about ruining our friendship
POST: So I've known this girl for about a year and a half now, and we've been growing closer and closer as friends ever since we met. Recently though I've been starting to notice feelings for her, and I'm worried about what might happen if I tell her.
The main thing I'm worried about is that we are going to be living in the same house next year, so if the feelings aren't mutual, it's going to make living together a lot more awkward. Also, I'm concerned that if we do get together at some point, we're going to break up while living in the same house and that would be a pretty terrible living situation.
I should also say that I told her some of my feelings last fall, and back then she didn't want to date because she was afraid it would ruin our friendship. But recently, I feel that the situation has changed because I think she's been flirting with me. It's nothing too overt, but we've been hanging out alone more often than we ever have, and just recently she was doing some provocative stretches while I was in her room.
Keep in mind, though, that I am not very experienced with dating and/or relationships. I've been on a few dates before, but it never lead anywhere serious, and I've never had a GF before. I've been told a lot by my friends that I'm kinda clueless when it comes to attention from girls, so I'm not sure if I'm misreading her signals or just looking for something that's not there.
TL;DR: | Want to tell my best friend I have feelings for her, but don't want to screw up my living situation next year since we'll be housemates. Any advice? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: [29M]I'm having trouble dealing with recent break with long-term GF [29F]
POST: We've been NC for the past two weeks. I texted her every day, tried calling and IMing up until about a week ago, since she did not respond at all to any of my attempts at contact.
When she first initiated the break, I asked her if this means that she will be dating other guys and she said, "no."
I've come to find out that she has been going out, partying and gave out her number to at least one guy. I don't know if it has gone any further than that, or if this was a first time since our break.
I'm not sure how to deal with this revelation. She won't call, text, email or IM me back -- just an FYI I have not broached this with her at all.
I'm stuck in a situation where I can't really go out and meet other people right now ,and I became isolated from all my friends because all I ever did was hang out with her when we were together--which was a few years--and they are now settled down and can't do anything because of responsibilities.
It's driving me insane. I'm trying to focus on my work, but I constantly think of her.
Any advice?
TL;DR: | GF and I are on break, and I'm having trouble dealing with the knowledge that she has been partying and giving out her number to other guys--after she said she didn't want to date other people. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [25] with my gf [27 f] 6m, found chat logs of gf talking to ex-husband, are they cheating on me?
POST: I am in a serious relationship with my girlfriend, however I met her whilst she was still married, in the middle of her separation with her husband, for which she is still technically married on paper, until things with the papers progress. She stresses that they are no longer together, and are just friends, besides the fact she is with me the whole time - madly in love. The love is real, no doubt about that, and we are happy together.
However last night she left her email inbox open on my laptop, and I couldn't resist looking at some of her emails, some were conversation histories of Google Chat. I started reading some of the conversations between her and her ex-husband. I feel super guilty but I couldn't resist. She is Spanish but I only speak English.
I read stuff like:
Exhusband: yo tambien, fui lindo tomar una siesta contigo hoy
GF: fue rico dormir contigo esta tardecita sii lo mismo senti
Exhusband: gracias por enseñarme a querer de verdad
GF: ohhhhh gracias a ti mi exhusband por todo lo que me has enseñado
Exhusband: tu tambien
GF: yo solo quiero the best for you! the BEST!
Which according to Google translate means that they slept together either as a nap (i.e. not sexual) or had sex, this was on a date when I was out of the country on business. Is anyone able to translate this properly?
I feel so shit and guilty and really don't want to lose this girl. Should I have not read her messages? What does this mean? :( should I confront her and tell her I read her messages?
TL;DR: | found chat logs on laptop showing gf talking to ex husband about sleeping together, can someone spanish please help me and explain? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [20F] nearly cheated on [21M], but we're both in the middle of finals. Do I confess?
POST: My boyfriend [21M] and I [20F] have been dating for six months. We attend different universities but they're nearby, and we see each other most weekends and generally call once each weekday. We're both in the midst of finals, and he'll be graduating at the end of the week.
Nothing excuses what I did, so I'll gloss over the circumstances. In general I miss him more; he doesn't seem to care that we haven't gone beyond first base-kissing in months (he has a roommate and high stress levels that kill his libido) and doesn't text much, I'm the one that insisted on/implemented the daily phone calls. Because of finals I've let the mandatory calls drop and haven't spoken to him much since I visited two fridays ago and I've barely heard from him via text.
Tonight a classmate invited me to study. He's interested in me so I usually insist on meeting up in the library, but I premeditatedly agreed to his apartment. We studied pretty late and he expectedly flirted with me and eventually started making moves on me, which I allowed (arm around shoulders, stroking my legs/back, etc.). I hate to admit it but the attention and just being held felt amazing; I left when I was scared by how badly I wanted to have sex with him.
None of this is okay. The guilt's destroying me and I want to drive over to confess but I know he's studying and I don't want to ruin his finals as well (both of ours run through Thursday). I have work Friday, so the next time I'll see him is his graduation day, Saturday. The thought of taking pictures with him and his family turns my stomach. He'll go home after that, and the day after I leave for abroad for three weeks (unlikely skype will be possible). Waiting till after sounds like saying anything would make it worse. My best friend says to pat myself on the back for not doing anything major, move on and hope the guilt goes away.
TL;DR: | I nearly cheated on my bf and the guilt's killing me. It's either confess now (he has a final in the morning) or confess in a month after I get back from abroad; what do I pick? |
SUBREDDIT: r/loseit
TITLE: Can somebody suggest an easy to follow diet?
POST: Hello /r/loseit !
So lately I've been attempting to start a diet after having an issue with my family where they were against me dieting. I've pushed past the issue with them, but now I'm having the issue of selecting what foods I should be eating and how much.
I was hoping somebody here could suggest an easy to follow diet with some simple foods/meals to prepair.
I'm currently 5'10 and 210 lbs. I also live a very seditary life style (desk job, long drives when not working and a gamer when I'm not with my girlfriend or at work). I'm not a picky eater at all so I'm open to any suggestions. I was considering eating two hardboiled eggs to start the day, a simple turkey sandwich with some veggies lunch and cutting back my portions for whatever my family eats for dinner. If you all think this will work for me then that's awesome, but if I should change anything please let me know.
I'm looking for any help I can get and I thank you all in advanced because I know this is a great community and you'll all do what you can to help :)
TL;DR: | Need help making a simple diet I can stick to. I dont mind eating the same things every day. Open to anything! |
SUBREDDIT: r/pettyrevenge
TITLE: Security guard on campus gets what's comin.
POST: As a university student, I never got the hang of sleeping on campus like I see many other people doing. I only did it a few times out of extreme need. However, there was a time where I would regularly sleep in my car after arriving to school. The car was parked in one of the campus lots, with the parking tag in full view. Side note, I went early because my mom worked at the university so we drove together.
One day I'm enjoying a nap reclined in the front seat when I'm rudely awakened by a fury of knocks on my window. Startled and half awake, I open the window and see its a campus security guard. He starts questioning me why I'm there, if I'm a student, what I'm doing and so forth. In my tired state I wasn't aware of what an asshole he was being so I complied and tried my best to prove my student status which was hard since my student id wasn't on me. He gave me lots of shit and claimed he found drugs near my car and accused me of owning them. He wouldn't leave me alone and then I said "ok I'm going to call my mom so you can believe me, she works here." The phrase "she works here" really changed his attitude. He was gone within about 4 seconds. That's when I was really awake, and pissed.
So I DID call her. And guess what, my description I gave of him and his nap-killing douche baggery was passed on from my mom to the security sector, and he had other complaints against him. Only this was the final straw. He was fired and I only then felt better about being harassed.
TL;DR: | sleeping in car on campus, security guard wakes me up and is a dick, call my mom who works there, he gets fired (deservedly). Fucked with the wrong napper, bitch. |
SUBREDDIT: r/legaladvice
TITLE: Lawyers of Reddit, Please Help Me Out On This.
POST: Hello there,
First of all, let me tell you that I am asking for help here because I am a 22 year old university student and I honestly can't afford to go talk to a lawyer on my own, so any help answering this would be great and I thank you all in advance.
Some things happened last year and long story short, I got beaten up by a cop and my lawyer couldn't get me (and by that, I really mean, didn't even try to get me...) anything better than a plea bargain for a misdemeanor PC 148(a) (willful obstruction) which the D.A had knocked down from a trumped up felony charge of PC69 (resisting arrest). Here's the worst part, I was scared, never even had a ticket before this in my life and my lawyer said that the deal they were offering was the best I could get (14 days community service, fines, anger management class and 3 years of summary probation) so I took it.
I just tried to have the public defenders office get rid of my summary probation (I'm a year and 4 months into it now) and start the expungement process but they told me that they won't do anything until I'm at least 2/3 of the way through the 3 years (July 2012) and that I have to show good reason, even though I did everything the court asked a whole year ago.
Okay last and most important part. I have to renew my green card, probably should send the forms in April as it expires in August of 2012. I have been in the US legally for 20 years now...so my point is, can I be denied the renewal/and or even deported for this and does anyone know any place in southern california, Los Angeles to inland empire area, where I can get free help from some kind of immigration advocacy group? I should mention I didn't have any prior charges and I have never been in trouble afterwards either.
I know that was long, sorry but I am quite worried about this, like I said, I have lived here since I was very young and I don't even really speak my native tongue very well.
TL;DR: | Have a misdemeanor on my record, still have summary probation for two years and I can't get rid of it, will it affect my green card renewal next year? Am I basically screwed? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [29 M] with my Fiancee [22 F] of 9 months, doing ERP with other people on Guild Wars
POST: My fiancee and I live together with two friends, moved an hour away to be with her (mutual decision) and we've generally had a pretty solid relationship. She's been out of work for some time because of a hand injury she got at work, but that's gotten better now for the the most part.
At the moment, I support her and truthfully also do most of the chores at home (cooking, cleaning, fixing things...everything, really) with a little bit of assistance from her. Generally I don't resent it, except for a recent development.
She plays a lot of games, it's something we bond over. Lately it's been Guild Wars. She's a role player and has done all sorts of things, from LARPing to BB-based stuff and generally has a number of characters inside her head at the same time.
Lately she's been developing serious romantic relationships with her characters and other characters online. While that makes me uncomfortable, I knew it was something that she did and it's certainly nothing I'd try telling her she couldn't do.
Where I get upset though? I had to go in for a heart procedure earlier this week. She was at my Aunt's home near the hospital with me in order to come along, but the night before I get home to her on Guild Wars doing an Erotic Role Play session with a guy her character had gotten involved in.
She didn't hide it per say, just mentioned I might not want to read it. She then proceeded to stay up all night having virtual sex with/talking to this guy. I could barely sleep myself between anxiety about the procedure and the noise and light from the computer, but when I got out of bed at 6 the next morning she was still at it.
I feel betrayed and hurt, and most of all I feel that if I was in the same situation she'd be beyond angry, so the problem is...I really just don't know what to do. Some advice would be awesome?
TL;DR: | Fiancee is having virtual in-character relationships/sex. I know about it, but it's killing me. What to do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/personalfinance
TITLE: Why should I pay off mortgage quickly vs saving the extra cash? [serious]
POST: I am aware how ridiculous the title sounds but here's my question. I currently have a second home in WA state (I rent an apt in nyc) with a 30yr loan at 4.875%. My mortgage works out to be a little less than $1700 a month but I rent out the apt for $2100. On my own, I am fortunate enough to be able to pay my rent and my mortgage so I currently pocket the $2100 directly to a checking account as sort of an emergency fund. To be clear, I plan on selling this home in the next 5~10 years so I don't really feel the immediately need to pay off this house either.
My question is, what is the reasoning behind paying off the principle quicker if I plan on flipping the home in a few years? I'm not sure if saving the collected rent is the smart thing to do or to just use it to pay off the mortgage. I don't plan on using any of the $2100 for personal use so I just want to be informed about what options exist.
TL;DR: | Should I pay more than the minimum monthly payment on my mortgage if i plan on selling the home in 5~10 years* |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: [24/F] Tactfully ending a friendship with my friend with benefits[24/M] of more than 9 years
POST: There is a guy I met at 15 years old, and we started off having a lot in common. He revealed he had a crush on me from the very beginning, and I made it clear early on that it wasn't going to happen and we should only be friends. At age 17, we experimented sexually for the first time...and have continued ever since. It's ongoing. I've never had a boyfriend (because I don't particularly care for a romantic relationship) and for the most part this is what works best for me.
I'm not a people person; I'm not a little miss sunshine and I can be a downright buzzkill. If I have to be around people
for too long, I become a restless and insufferable grump. The
idea of dating someone full time while working a full time job
seems unthinkable to me. Too much work, to be completely
honest. I'm in a bit of a rut though...as of late, I cannot stand to be around him anymore. I'm not sure what it is, but all of a sudden he's gained a "holier than thou" attitude and speaks to me in snarky, disrespectful ways. This was never a problem a year ago.
We also have much less in common than we did as teens, but I suppose this is to be expected. He's into all kinds of drugs like adderall,roxies, and methamphetamine, and I'm not into any of that. I feel we are going in separate directions, and I wish to move on with my life without him. I have fears, however, that he will reveal things I've told him in confidence. My fetishes that aren't so common, things I've asked him to do, things like that. It would devastate me if these were shared with my family or someone else.
Normally I wouldn't have to worry about him doing this, but with his odd and narcissistic behavior as of late, I'm not sure if I could trust him anymore.
What should I do?
TL;DR: | Ending a complicated friendship with a man I've had sexual relations with for years. Preventing him from telling private details. |
SUBREDDIT: r/personalfinance
TITLE: I want to switch to a Credit Union, but there's a problem
POST: I want to join a credit union, but I move around a lot. Most credit unions that I see are not nationwide, so should I wait until I'm settled into a geographic region before switching? I live in Trenton, NJ and work in West Chester, PA (an hour apart). I do a lot of my in-person banking from work where there is a nearby branch. I'm worried that I'll never make it to a Credit Union in Trenton during business hours. So I'm conflicted about whether to look near my work or my apartment.
I recently moved from Philadelphia to the suburbs in NJ. In the next year or two, I'm moving to NYC. Then a few years after that, hopefully to San Francisco (At least that's my current idea). Any suggestions as to how to proceed with a credit union, or should I just wait?
TL;DR: | I move around a lot. Most Credit Unions are local. My work is far from my home, and I don't know what credit union makes the most sense. Advice? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: My boyfriend [25 M] doesn't tell anyone he has a relationship and he doesn't want me to go to his house (lives with his parents). I [20 F] live 4h away.
POST: Our relationship is a bit complicated because we met on a dating website in march, talked a lot on fb but didn't meet till summer, about 3 weeks before I moved to study in a different city. So we went on 5 dates or so (made out) and then I moved 4h away (by car). We didn't really talk about what was going on between us but it felt right. So I when I went back to my hometown to visit family we had sex for the first time and we talked that we're exclusive. But he didn't tell anybody, not his friends nor family.
Now the problem is that I am ready to meet his parents and that he meets mine but he is not. (His friends kinda know now, met them while partying) We're planning to go on vacation, so this weekend I'll be in my hometown and I said that I could go to his house or he could come to mine. And we could look for destinations and stuff on the PC. But he insists that we can look everything up together on our phones -_- I told him that that's so dumb and if I'll ever meet his parents. And he just said, well then come over... But I don't want to if he doesn't sincerely want it as well. I've been at his once when his parents weren't home. Is he embarassed of me? or what do you think could be the problem? What should I do? I'm also thinking about asking if he's ok if I change my fb-status to: in a relationship. We currently don't have anything listed.
TL;DR: | long-distance relationship, nobody really knows about it from his friends/family, why is that? What should I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [30 F] miss my boyfriend [30 M] because he works a lot and needs to save up money to see his dying grandmother
POST: I am having a hard time being compassionate about this because I feel that when he isn't working, he should try to spend some of that time with me, and I get frustrated when he goes out with his friends instead. I have been uninvited to things when he just wants to be with "the boys." (We talked about this. He agreed not to do it again. I don't mind if he goes out with his friends, it's the UNINVITING that really stings. It's only happened twice though and I don't think it will happen again) I feel like I make him a priority and he doesn't do the same for me.
I am aware that I might be selfish. We've had this talk. I totally want him to see his grandmother (they are very close), and I want him to make the money for his plane ticket. But, it is *hard* being away from him. I miss him all the time and the pieces of conversation that I have with him when I don't see him aren't enough for me.
When he's with me, things are good. We love each other. It's when he's away that I have trouble. I spend too much time thinking about what he is doing and who he is doing it with. It's not easy for me to admit this, so please be gentle. I know that the situation is not really alterable -- he needs to work for money to be with his grandmother, and he needs time with his friends, and he needs time to illustrate and also time with me, and this doesn't leave a lot of space for wiggle room. I get that.
What I want to know is, how can I get over this? I don't like being so dependent on someone. I love him tremendously and I know he loves me. I want to be there for him and I want him to be able to confide in me. I just wish I could detach a little more.
TL;DR: | I am too attached to my boyfriend of 1 1/2 years, who needs a lot of space for himself to do all the things in life that he has to do. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: I [19/F] might have ruined multiple friendships by making out with a friend [19/M].
POST: I'm really good friends with this guy (let's say Joe). The type of friends where if I have a crisis he's the first person I turn to, where we spend far too long in 'cud-puds' (basically just laying on the floor together), where he tells me his crazy dreams--that are often about me--and about the beauty and pain of the world, where we turn to the other for relationship advice. You get it. We kissed. It was lovely. We kept kissing. It stayed lovely until he left.
Now here's the problem. He's my ex-boyfriend's best friend. He's my best friend's ex-boyfriend. Another friend of mine has a serious crush on him. I don't want to mess up any of these relationships. Joe's friendship is worth so much more than any hormones. How do I fix this?
TL;DR: | I made out with my ex-boyfriend's best friend and might have messed up additional relationships in my life. Help! |
SUBREDDIT: r/loseit
TITLE: Starting My Journey
POST: Hey guys! I've been quite the lurk for a while and have decided to make my first post. Two ears ago I used to volleyball and was in great shape, but I noticed till now. My mom used to call me obese even though I wasn't but I believed her. I quit my sport because I thought I was never good enough. Through the past two years I've gained 50 pounds. This month I was looking at some old photos and realized I just had a really bad self image. So this week I began my weight loss journey. I've already lost 4.4 pounds since this Monday and I'm feeling great. Hopefully I can't get back to my original weight. If anyone else is doing the Paleo diet feel free to leave any advice. I'd appreciate it a lot. If anyone is doing the paleo diet due to an autoimmune disease, please tell me how it improved your health. So far this week I haven't had a single stomach ache which is crazy since I've had them as long as I can remember. Just wondering if anyone had any results. Thanks for hearing me out!
TL;DR: | I'm taking control of my life again and dropping 50 pounds so I can look smoking in a bikini. Any advice is welcome. |
SUBREDDIT: r/dating_advice
TITLE: does his [M23] affection mean anything for me [F22]?
POST: So I've been dating this guy for around a month and I'm starting to think I might actually like him. I'm at the point where I'm too much of a wuss to actually communicate this to him (for fear that he might consider me "clingy"- the horror!). So, naturally, I am trying to overanalyze his behavior. Basically, he's super affectionate and chivalrous toward me on dates and when we're alone. In bed he's really cuddly and constantly giving me little pecks, caressing my hair, nuzzling my face, etc. and it's totally throwing me off since I don't consider myself to be that affectionate normally. Anyway, I'm totally crushing and don't know if I should take this to "mean" anything or if I should just tell him straight up. (Although I think I know the answer to this one already...) Thanks in advance!
TL;DR: | When a guy is reeeally affectionate, does it mean he likes you? Or could he just be being "nice"? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [27 M\] with my GF [23 F] 1 Year - Am having extreme trouble shifting to a monogamy mindset.
POST: I have been dating my GF for a little over a year. She has agreed to move across the country for me because I have been presented with an excellent career opportunity. I can see myself being with her forever and starting a family with her. I have never had this felling before. She is no question the best person I have ever known and dated. We click emotionally, intellectually, and physically.
My problem is that I still see the world as a single guy. This is more than 'falling in lust' and noticing other women. When I speak to another women that has an attractive trait or attractive personality, I catch myself thinking out how I would pick up/date her. After the fact , I realize how good I have it and try to rationalize my current relationship. When given the chance to think things through, it is a no-brainier, stick with my GF through thick and thin. I always feel like crap after these interactions, but they keep happening. Sometimes I have to thing of how she would feel if I were unfaithful in order to convince myself to throw away a number that has been given to me. Honestly the worst pain I have felt since the death of my father is by picturing her reaction if I had to tell her that I cheated. I never want this to happen and want to re-wire myself.
I see my friends in relationships and they have no trouble being committed 24/7. Is there a way to re-frame my though process?
Am I in the habit of being single and I need more time to break this habit or am I just not wired for monogamy?
TL;DR: | I think of straying often and am often tempted. I don't, and want to change so that I am not tempted. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I'm [19M] breaking up with my girlfriend [19F] of 1.5 years, how do I go about the recovery process?
POST: This is my first serious relationship, and I know that it has come to the point that it needs to end. We went to college seven hours away from each other and it's taken a huge toll on us. We tried the long distance thing and it was kind of working but nothing was ever quite the same.
I just feel terrible because I keep thinking that this would have worked if we had gone to the same school together. I don't regret going to school where I did (I was the one that went out of state), but I hate feeling like I ruined something that could have been great.
We're just going different directions and I can't emotionally do long distance anymore. Neither of us are getting the attention we need.
What should I do to recover after the break up? I'm planning on hanging out with my roommates tonight and doing something fun. After that though, what can I do to avoid having any sort of post-break up thoughts?
TL;DR: | Breaking up with girlfriend of 1.5 years, what can I do after the breakup to ensure I don't fall into some sort of perpetual sadness? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [23F] with my husband[24M] I think he's upset that I didn't spend as much on him as he did me
POST: My husband loves Christmas. I didn't so much until we had kids.
He is pretty materialistic. He loves his things and is always wanting something new. He had a huge list of things he wanted for Christmas, however we don't have a ton of extra income. For that reason, I asked that for christmas I get an uninterrupted nap and a nice date day out with him. We have 2 small daughters and I'm a SAHM. Time to myself and time alone with him are the biggest things I want. I'm a very practical simple gal and like gifts that are useful or things that I can use to get out of the house.
I got him one of the things he really wanted (A nice jacket he had picked out) I had shopped around and found one at a good price. I got a discount for joining an emailing list and had a coupon code as well. However, I ordered the wrong size and needed to exchange it but it's currently unavailable anywhere. He was trying to help me find it and asked how much I spent (about $60 after the discounts. originally about $100) He got me phone accessories for Christmas and told me he spent $100+ on them. He said he got me that because he didn't know what I liked and I didn't tell him what I wanted and seemed very disappointed that I didn't spend as much as he did.
I'm thankful for the gift and expressed my gratitude, and I don't want to sound selfish, but I did tell him what I wanted. He just doesn't get that I'm not the same as him. Maybe it's just me, but I don't think price matters when giving a gift. When I saw his reaction to what I paid, I felt very cheap. Living on such a budget I didn't see a reason to pay $100 when I could get the same thing for $60.
TL;DR: | I didn't spend as much on a gift as my husband did and he seemed disappointed. Am I a cheapo? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [21 F] with my best friend [24 M]; I've fallen for him, and he does not feel the same way. Where do we go from here?
POST: My best friend and I, though it's a relatively fresh relationship, get along like neither of us have experienced before, understanding each other shockingly well.
I've come to realise that I like him as more than a friend though and after discussing it, know that he does not feel the same way, that the romantic spark is just not there for him.
Things become complicated as we sleep with each other a fair bit, but I should clarify that the sexual relationship started before the best friendship, and that now knowing our feelings toward each other, we will not be continuing with this side of the relationship.
I would like your advice r/relationships on how to deal with my feelings, how to maintain our friendship and just generally how to approach this situation.
TL;DR: | I like my best friend as more than a friend. We have a sexual history but not a romantic one. How do we deal with the situation? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Postal Money Order Scam? Fraud? Need Advice.
POST: Reddit I need your advice!
I'll start by saying that I did call the police, but they were, *cough*, less than helpful. They didn't look at anything (they would only talk to me over the phone), and then only took down the destination cities (not even the names or street addresses) and check amounts, then told me to destroy them and forget about it.
The reason I'm asking for your help is because I think it *highly* suspicious that I've only had two fradulent deductions from my bank account, each for the same amount and on the same day, charged the same day as this postal mailing was. (keep reading for details).
About a week ago, I noticed that there were two fradulent charges on my bank account. Each of the two charges was for $49.00, and the charges went through on 8/30/2012 (the day after the envelopes were mailed). Coicendentally, this is exactly 10% of the U.S. postage cost for the flat rate envelope (in the upper-left of the mailing envelope picture). Wells Fargo (my bank) removed the charges and refunded 100% of the funds to my account. Is it weird that the money orders were made on 7/07/2012? a month before they were mailed?
Then today, 9/13/2012 I recieved the mailing envelope shown. Inside (it was opened because my name is on the envelope as the return address) were two (2) "Postal Money Order" each for $962.00. The money orders are "pay to" the same woman whose name & address is in the "ship to" box of the mailing envelope. The "from" is a man's name in Dallas, T.X. On the back of the money orders, it's interesting to note (I've never seen one before) that this amount $962.00 is just below the maximum amount that can be sent of $1000.00
Is this something I should be concerned and/or worried about?
Do I need to take further action?
Should I really destroy them like the police officer said (without even glancing at anything...)?
TL;DR: | Got 2 postal money orders mailed from my address to a different state for $962.00 with a different person's name on it. What should I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I[16 M] don't know whether I should keep the feelings for my [15 F] best friend
POST: So I made a post about my friendship with my best friend a week ago and so this is sort of an update / I need more advice.
So since the last time I had posted on here, I have skyped my friend 4 or 5 times and had a great time.
The problem:
Although I have'nt met her yet (planning on valentines day) I love her if not REALLY love her. I think she knows this as I have made it clear several times to her. But she has feelings and may be going out with another guy which I am fine with however I am just wondering if I should keep the strong feelings I have for her along with a soppy, cheesy, cute essay until she doesn't have the feelings for another guy or just lose them and stick with being friends and only friends?
~~I would also like to know what would be a nice thing to do on valentines day? I have never spent one with a girl before and don't really have any experience with dating and all that stuff.~~
So if anyone could give me some tips on what I should do with my feelings towards her and the very long paragraph / essay (500 words). I would also appreciate some tips on what to do on valentines day, keep in mind it is the first time we've met.
TL;DR: | Should I keep the feelings I have towards my best friend or should I drop them? and ~~what can I do on valentines day with her~~. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Should I [18M] try to save relationship with [18F] GF
POST: My girlfriend and I have been in a relationship for a year. We are both 18. We have had a very good relationship. Very open and communicative. Our one year anniversary went great and I've felt closer to her than ever over the last month. Our friends call us their "favorite couple". Everything seemed great.
However, over the last week she has become very distant to me. We just spoke over the phone and she says she thinks we should break up. I asked why, and she replied that she doesn't know why she feels this way. We will be meeting up soon to talk about this in person. Should I try to save this relationship? Is it worth it? Any help would be appreciated as I am lost.
TL;DR: | GF [18] says her and I [18M] should break up. Been in relationship for 1 yr. Everything seemed perfect up until this last week when she started becoming distant. Is it worth trying to save the relationship? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [23 M] with my GF [20 F] of 1 yr, won't trust me to go on bachelor party
POST: So I got a short notice about one of my old close friends bachelor party this weekend earlier this week. My GF has had some fidelity issues in the past (including one of our own where before we started dating officially she thought we were official already) but mostly her past bfs cheating on her. So she was worried about us going to a strip club, I told her I'm not down for that and I didn't think they'd be going anyway.
So I got a message tonight and it sounded like they were. I told my friend I'd be skipping that part of it (a small part at the beginning, most of its at a cabin in the woods just hanging out) and told my GF who was beside me and read it anyway. She proceeds to flip her lid, yell, drive off, come back and then texts the fiancee (having locked herself in the bathroom) who she's friends with on FB about it.
So now I'm not sure there will be one, but in any case she's threatened initially to go to a strip club if I even go to the cabin. Now she's saying she's mad no matter what and may be going away for 2 weeks. Personally I'm going either way but I'm waiting for her to calm down to try to talk to her tomorrow.
So am I being unreasonable? How do I deal with this behavior? She says it's about not trusting my friends but I feel she should trust me to be able to say no to going to a strip club regardless of their inclinations.
TL;DR: | GF upset about strip club plans at bachelor party, which I told her I was skipping, and even told the fiancee about it without any warning. Doesn't want me to go. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [19/F] with my boyfriend [21M] of one year, I have a hard time being intimate with him.
POST: So the title might be a little bit misleading, but I have a hard time not freaking out after having sex with him. I am on the IUD and we do use condoms but sometimes we will have sex without one for a minute or so before putting one one. Anyways, I have such a hard time not being paranoid after having sex. I'm always worried he might have cummed in me when he always tells me he didn't. Lately, my anxiety has been a lot worse because I been having trouble with my IUD because it has been moving around. I did have an ultrasound about two month ago and the doctor said everything was in place but I still am freaking out. However, I just don't trust my boyfriend. I mean I do but I don't at the same time. I'm terrified he's going to get me pregnant even though I am on birth control. He did tell me he did get his last girlfriend pregnant but she didn't carry through. And, that just adds on to my worry because he did mange to get someone pregnant and I'm terrified of getting pregnant. I also don't really know how to bring this up because he says he's not too worried because I have an IUD and we do use condoms and he also pulls out too. So, he feels like we are protected enough but I'm still worried.
TL;DR: | I'm terrified of getting pregnant but I don't know how to talk to my boyfriend about it because he feels like he's doing enough on his part. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Girlfriend [27 F] of 3 months wants to stay at my [27 M] apartment while between jobs. Am I wrong to be against it?
POST: So my girlfriend lost her job recently and asked me if she could stay at my place for the month of June. I told her I was hesitant--I've never lived with a girlfriend before and I was worried things could get complicated if the job search didn't go well--and she said we could decide after our vacation together (a long one: three weeks).
Well the vacation's done and my concerns haven't really changed. We get along fine for dating, but I don't think living together is the best idea, especially after seeing how we handled disagreements on the trip.
When she brought it up again today, I expressed my doubts and she became very upset and withdrawn, partly because of the hassle of extending her current tenancy a month, but also--I suspect--because of what my doubts mean for our relationship.
It's true, I also have doubts about the relationship because she wants to leave this city. Soon. She even has a big interview in another state. We both talked and we know it may be just a short fling in the end, so I'm even less inclined put myself out in this situation.
Now I realize it's only for a month and she's agreed it would last no longer than that, but should I still be concerned? Is there a chance this could backfire? Should I agree, but lay out specific ground rules to avoid problems? Any advice is appreciated.
TL;DR: | Girlfriend wants to stay with me for a month, but I'm against it. Should I stick to my guns or suck it up and let her stay? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [22 M] crush [19 F] moved hours away; to go for, or not to go for?
POST: A mutual friend of ours introduced us at a show. Well, he was more than a friend to her at the time, call him mike. They had a brief physical (to him) thing, and it ended pretty quickly. He was her second kiss, and she fell for mike pretty hard. She ended up moving away from my uni to another uni a few hours away, but I'd been spending time with her and we have much chemistry. Mike is kind of a dick to women when he only is in it for physical, and think he was part of the reason she moved.
Anyway, she's terribly shy and doesn't connect with many people, and I have the privilege of being one. Everytime we hang out have pretty awesome conversations, they're deep and real and we have fun, just that real, feel-good attraction. I want to act on it so bad but she lives far and a person I spend a lot of time with is someone who's played with her heart a bit.
I've not had a relationship in years, I felt undateable for a long time. Just spending nights (no sex) with random girls and fooling around here and there. But this is a girl I'd date, and that's saying something, I feel.
I'm sure she suspects I have a crush, It's a bit hard to hide but I haven't addressed it yet. She could feel one way or the other, I wouldn't be surprised to hear either one, I just don't know.
Do I go for it? Risk of compromising a cool friendship, albeit its already more than that to me.
TL;DR: | dreamy dream girl moved hours away for school and cause my friend kinda played her. we hit it off with great chemistry but I've not been dating much in the last few years. should i go for it |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [23F] hatred of fish is causing a major rift between myself and the Spanish teachers at my school.
POST: I recognize the title may seem ridiculous, but that's genuinely the situation at hand. I am a recent college grad currently working as an English Teaching Assistant in Galicia, Spain. Galicia is an area known as having some of the best seafood in the world, and although I try it here and there as part of the experience, I have never been able to teach myself to enjoy the food in general.
On my first day at the rural primary school, the school coordinator said they were offering to serve me lunch for free for the 8 months I would be working there (same as what the children are served). Being a bit short on cash, I thought that was incredibly generous. Also, I knew that seafood was popular here but thought it would be rude to turn down the offer.
However, after 4 months of being here, I have come to be filled with a ridiculous amount of anxiety when lunchtime roles around. They serve different kinds of fish about 3 times a week, and although this may sound childish, I'm simply incapable of eating a plain slab of fish without gagging. I'm left with the choice of either being rude by not eating it OR attempting to eat it while they watch, and I'm sure they would pick up on the fact I'm not enjoying it no matter how hard I try to pretend.
It has become worse the past few weeks as they have begun to make snide comments in front of me about my eating habits in a mixture of Galician/Spanish, that I don't fully understand. My Spanish isn't perfect, and I don't speak often because they speak Galician a fair amount, so it's very hard for me to follow their conversations. I think this has left some of them thinking I won't understand a word of what they say, giving them the freedom to trash talk me while I sit across from them.
They're incredibly resentful of the fact I don't enjoy the food no matter how much I complement and eat the side dishes when it's fish day.
The situation is made worse by the fact that I just found out that if the other teachers, want the lunch, they actually have to PAY! Really at a loss as to if I'm in the wrong or they're overreacting.
TL;DR: | I am served free meals at my school that consist of seafood half the time which I am incapable of eating without gagging. The other teachers are enraged by this and openly make rude comments in front of me. |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by volunteering to chug 5 Dixie cups of eggnog at my schools holiday meeting.
POST: So at my school every year just before we get let out for the holiday brake we have a meeting. It has challenges that are different things. One of them was for chugging 5 Dixie cups of eggnog. I decided why not and went up. It was about 5 or 6 other people up there. Its a small school and everyone knows who everyone is. So we start chugging the eggnog. I get about 1 and a half cups down before I decided to stop actual swallowing the eggnog. I took another cup before realizing that I had not drunk the preserve cup of eggnog and I opened my mouth. At that moment for whatever reason my body decided "TIME TO GAG" I opened my mouth and the eggnog pored out of my mouth and spewed everywhere. It didn't hit anyone but someone had recored it. It fucking looked like Mt saint Helens had just erupted as I was looking up when I gagged.
TL;DR: | Chugged eggnog for school event with whole school watching, gagged, Eggnog fucking everywhere as it pored out of my mouth as someone recorded it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I (21F) looking for a soft approach to tell (25M) I love him without saying it...
POST: I started working at my current place of employment 6 months ago. It's a huge place with 3,000 employees and it's easy to be lost in a crowd. On my first day of training I met this guy who works in security and I felt the ground shift from underneath me. I knew he could feel it, too. Saw him a few more times after that during that month, then not a lot in the month following, making me think he didn't work there anymore, until I saw him a lot more around June. Almost every day, and all those feelings returned. I was so mystified and could hardly have a conversation with him.
One day I was feeling bold and impulsive and I scribbled my number on a piece of paper and when I saw him that day I handed it to him. We started talking and I was really surprised when he initiated flirting. About a month and a half after that, he invited me out and we slept together that night. It was really lovely because I have not dated anyone since a bad relationship when I was 18 but that's neither here nor there.
Now it's been about a month since the initial encounter and nothing's changed but I'm definitely worried about having more intense feelings than him, so I try to stay quiet. I'm worried I'm in love, and I do not want to scare him off, but it's on the tip of my tongue. His birthday is in a few weeks and I'm worried I can't get him the present I actually want to get him without blowing it.
TL;DR: | Dating a really great guy, I'm pretty sure I'm in love, but worried it's too soon to say that, so I'm looking for better alternatives to say it here. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: I think my cousin is anorexic. What should I do?
POST: I suspect that my cousin has been struggling with anorexia for a while now. It started out gradual; she would skip lunch here and there, but it wasn't anything to be alarmed about. During the summer of her junior year in high school she dropped about 20 pounds, blaming it on her recent tonsil surgery. The weight loss plateaued, staying the same (about 130 lbs at 5'9'') for a year. She fluctuated around 5 pounds, either losing it or gaining it. It was noticeable compared to her previous 150 pound frame, but she looked healthy enough that it wasn't a major concern. Then she went to college...
After her freshman year in college she lost maybe an additional 10 pounds putting her in the 120lb range. She began to look weak and that is where I started to become worried. A family member passed away in April of this year and following that is when she dropped even more to her current size at about 100. I barely recognize the beautiful girl she once was. Tendons and bones now protrude everywhere on her tiny frame and I can only guess what she has lost since. There is literally nothing left for her to lose, and on top of that, she runs up to 2 miles a day.
I have expressed my concerns for her, however, her parents refuse to accept the reality of her situation. They don't want to talk to her about it because they don't want to offend her and they certainly don't want to pull her out of the prestigious college she is attending to seek treatment. They think that she will get better on her own. She also lives alone so she has the freedom to control what she eats in privacy. It is to the point now that I fear that we will inevitably lose her if someone doesn't step in immediately, but I'm not sure if it is my place to do so? On the other hand I feel that if her parents aren't stepping in, someone has to before it's too late. I guess I'm trying to figure out the best way to go about the situation, as it is extremely sensitive. Any suggestions?
TL;DR: | My cousin has severe anorexia but her parents are in denial and refuse to address it let alone offer treatment. I want to know what I can do to help her without overstepping any boundaries. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: I'm 15, and my mom is in a depression. What can I do?
POST: For the last several years, my mom has been completely devoid of joy and has admitted to being depressed. She is overweight, is a hoarder, and finds little joy in anything, even her hobbies. I believe her main problem is that she turns fun things into stressors. For example, she is quilter and she has 42 unfinished projects sitting around.
I'm only 15, but I embrace many concepts of minimalism. I've tried helping to organize and throw things away but she usually gets extremely angry at me and yells at me whenever I do. It's very frustrating since we both live in the same house. What can I do to help my mom?
TL;DR: | my mom doesn't find joy in anything and is extremely stressed for no reason, what can I do despite being 15? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My (19F) on/off boyfriend (19M) of 9 months is messaging his ex suggesting to meet up for sex on his Facebook that i secretly logged into - don't know whether/how to end it.
POST: First post on reddit, I'll try to keep it short.
Bit of background - although we get on very well, me and this guy have always been rocky and in October we broke up for a month after I couldn't stand the fact he made me upset all the time. Since getting back together in November we have been working to improve things and it has been going well.
Recently he left his Facebook logged in on my laptop, and I discovered that he has been messaging his ex-girlfriend very suggestively, reciprocating her requests for sex and implying that they will have sex soon as well as suggesting to meet up.
This doesn't come as a surprise to me - he has lied about how many partners he has had in the past, he lied to me about the girl he slept with whilst we were on our break and AFTER getting back together in November, he slept with the girl from the break once again (effectively cheating on me) and wouldn't admit it until I asked him. I don't want to end it with him because I know I will be even more miserable without him and I want to fight for this because I like him a lot, but if he does sleep with her then I know I will have to end it.
My main issue is - how can I get him to admit that he has slept with her without admitting myself that I was on his Facebook? If I admitted that I had been monitoring his Facebook, it would also put me in the wrong and I would like to have the higher ground in this situation. Even if I tried dropping subtle hints about exclusivity and cheating, I know he would never admit it as he is a serial liar.
TL;DR: | boyfriend might cheat/be cheating on me, want him to admit to it without him finding out i was stalking his Facebook. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Hey Reddit, what's the ballsiest pickup line/move you've witnessed?
POST: Reddit, what's the most awesome, creative, courageous pickup move you've executed or witnessed or been the target of?
10 or so years ago I was having dinner with some friends in a nice restaurant on a weekend trip to Ensenada, Mexico. The food was good, the tequila was flowing, the mariachis were playing.
I had some friends that played music regularly (usually garage stuff, but parties pretty regularly). The lead singer/guitarist was pretty talented. He spotted this absolutely gorgeous, tall, blond girl sitting a few tables away with her family and was captivated. He finished his beer, stood up, paid one of the mariachis $5 to borrow his guitar, walked over, pulled up a chair next to the girl and serenaded her with a song in the middle of the restaurant (and in front of her father!). I wish I could remember the song. She loved it, laughed, blushed and seemed genuinely enthralled with this good-looking dude pulling off such a balls-of-steel move. The entire restaurant applauded when he was done.
Unfortunately her family was vacationing from Sweden and she only spoke enough English to tell him that, but still, that was the most awesome pick-up I've seen.
Tell me yours.
TL;DR: | my buddy busted out a song with a mariachi's guitar in a restaurant in Mexico to pick up on a girl who turned out didn't speak any English. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: He (23m) and I (22f) have different love languages?
POST: I recently took the "Five Love Languages" quiz and my language is definitely "Words of Affirmation." Obviously this means that words hold a lot of importance for me, and I have always wanted to receive a love letter and need to be reminded that I'm loved, and called beautiful or wonderful to feel loved.
My boyfriend, however, is not verbally expressive about his feelings at all. His language is a mix between "Acts of Service" and "Physical Touch." I tend to be more reserved about PDA, which I don't think bothers him, but I hope it doesn't make him feel as unfulfilled as I do when I don't hear the right words. (If that makes sense.)
We're happy together, and I won't base big relationship decisions off of strangers' advice on the Internet, but I do welcome and value that advice!
TL;DR: | Does anyone here have a different way of showing/receiving love from their partners? Does this imply long-term incompatibility? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Is there a simple and reliable procedure for deriving the beat of music?
POST: One chronic frustration I have is that I am completely unable to dance, and my attempts to simply emulate the actions of others fall flat. I frequently get the same unhelpful advice of "just follow the beat."
While I have a foggy notion that the beat is part of the pattern underlying the music, I never learned how to distinguish and isolate it from the rest of the noise. Requests for clarification are usually met with a blank stare along with some variant of, "You know... the beat. Listen for it." Attempting to google this difficulty has led to similarly useless advice, e.g.: (
TL;DR: | To find the beat, find the beat. Start by listening to the strong beats. It helps if you clap to the beat). |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Mom's of unruly children - can i fuss my wife's 3 yr old niece?
POST: edit: *Moms, not Mom's.... in advance.
My wife's 3 yr old niece is mean to our 18 month and 4 yr old.
My 4 year old is much more emotionally, socially, and mentally advanced than my wife's 3 year old niece - taking the age difference into account. My 4 year old plays very well with girls slightly older than her, and the niece doesn't play well with any kids. She hits, scratches, and pushes my kid, and her mother fusses her less than half the time. When my daughter does respond, usually by screaming loudly, "Hey! Don't do that to me." and pushing the niece away, my wife and I feel obligated to fuss our daughter so the niece's mother (her sister) doesn't begin to think that we should fuss our kid since she fusses hers, which again, she only does less than half the time.
The niece is purposely mean to my 18 month old intermittently with playing with my 18 month old way too rough. The niece's mother fusses her when she sees her do both, but I see her be mean and rough a lot more. I don't vocally fuss her, to avoid any tension because I would definitely fuss her enough to make her mother uncomfortable, but I do move her away from my 18 month old whenever I notice the behavior.
The niece's mother and I have different approaches to raising our children. I talk with my daughter a lot, and I believe this has led her to become very vocal and very emotive in general. If my daughter would scratch or hit another kid, I take her to the side and talk to her, and we talk about why its not nice to hit, etc throughout the day. If you do suggest that I discipline the niece, do I do it in this manner? I mean, no one talks to the kid like that, and I feel the mother would think I'm being uppity or condescending to her?
Mom's of reddit, or anyone else wanting to give answers. Can I fuss this kid?
TL;DR: | girlfriend's niece hits/scratches/pushes/is mean to my 1 and 4 yr old. The mother doesn't fuss her all the time. Can i fuss when I see it |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: [20M] interested in a girl [19] in my circle of friends
POST: I posted this in /r/relationships but didn't get much advice:
This gang has about a dozen people, all of whom only started hanging out together in the last few months. Before that, it was three different posses that only hung out sparsely.
Anyway, for the last month, I've developed sort of a soft spot for one of the girls, 'Dunya.' In the old days, I never really noticed her, but lately I've kinda been fancying her. She never really stood out among her friends, but from small interactions that I've observed, she seems like she could be a really cool person when you get to know her.
I haven't the faintest idea of whether she'd be interested, though. She became super friendly to me when she was drunk (demanded my phone number, locked her arm around mine when we were walking, usual drunk stuff) but she seems closed off at other times. Other than that, I might find her looking at me every now (when we're all hanging out) and then and we'll make brief eye contact, but that's about it.
So the issue is that I don't know how to gauge her feelings since it's hard to get her alone. I definitely don't want to ask her out right now because it would be Awkward City if she turned me down (I would still want to be friends with her and hang out if she's not interested in romance.)
Also, one of the other guys (Ted) seems to like her too, but I'm not sure if they have more of a brother/sister dynamic. When he gets drunk he always tells her how alike they are, they clearly have a very close relationship, and there's a running joke the other guys have about Ted and Dunya being a couple and how cute they are together; I don't know if that's supposed to be ironic or not haha. The joke is based on a picture of them that makes them look like a couple.
Happy to provide more details if needed in addition to this novella.
TL;DR: | Interested in a girl in my circle of friends, not sure about her feelings, and I don't know how to get closer to her. Advice? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Male 17, I keep starting stupid fights with my 17 Female girlfriend.
POST: Dating 9 Months
I have this tendency to start VERY stupid arguments with my girlfriend, I do know that all of them are my fault. The amount we get into has recently risen quite a bit, like almost twice a day now and I want for me to stop starting fights with her, I would just try to stop, but most of the time I dont realize that I am starting a fight with her until I am all roweled up and I feel the need to fight. I do recognize that a lot of the fights we get into is likely caused by me being very controlling. But I have always been this controlling but have been able to keep it to myself and not start pretty much any fights, but now we fight everyday.
We always makeup after our fights and pretty much forget about the fight all together, except for one huge fight that I started. I have noticed that sometime in the middle of the fight, I will kinda of just realize how wrong I am and how poorly I am treating her but I get so stubborn and I just feel like that I need to keep on fighting with her no matter how wrong I am and no matter how much it hurts her. Right now we are fighting over a tweet her friend ( who is a girl) posted referring to my girlfriend as "bae" and I did read it and it did upset me a bit cause I just feel like I should be the only person referring to her as bae or girlfriend or anything like that, I then said something about it to my girlfriend and then now we've been fighting for at least the past two hours about it. And at least an hour ago I realized I was wrong but I felt this need to keep on fighting with her and I really cant control myself. Idk, anyway I just want to know how I can stop fighting with her so much and also how to just admit that I am wrong to her in the middle of the fight what I should do after I tell her.
Also I forgot to mention, right now we are fighting about her unfavoriting the tweet. But she is refusing to because it would be rude.
TL;DR: | me and my girlfriend fight a lot, how to stop me from starting fights and how to admit I am wrong in the middle of a fight. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Friend is going to pop the question, do I tell her first?
POST: Two of my college friends have been dating for ~3 years. T, the dude in the relationship, is currently deployed and is planning on proposing to A, the girl, when he gets back. He has asked me to find out what kind of ring A wants.
The only problem is that A is planning on breaking up with T once he is back from deployment. T hasn't been a stellar partner in the relationship and often is dismissive or just plain mean to A. A moved across the country away from all of her friends and family to live with T and is now alone until T gets back. More recently, A got really sick and T (who has a lot of downtime while deployed) didn't talk to her for almost three days during that time period, despite the fact that he knew she was sick and had the time to talk extensively with me. When I mentioned it to him, he responded with "she's so needy".
So. Um. What the hell do I do? My first plan was to get the ring info from A and give it to T and then encourage them to talk to each other about their issues. I would feel really shitty telling A that T is planning on proposing and A has expressly asked me not to tell T anything that she tells me. Unfortunately, A doesn't want to talk about wedding rings either, "they just make her depressed".
Advice would be greatly appreciated. Show me your wisdom, Reddit.
TL;DR: | Friend A wants to propose to Friend B and has asked me to find out Friend B's ring preference. Friend B plans on breaking up with Friend A as soon as he's back from being deployed. What do I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My girlfriend (18) likes to joke about breaking up
POST: My girlfriend (18) of two years likes to joke about breaking up with me (m19). I have said some things in the past that may seem like I don't, but we have moved past this. I love her dearly and try to show so in everything I do. She says she doesn't feel like I do though. We can be having a great day, then she springs it on me. She will say she wants to break up and I don't take kindly to this. She gives ample reasons as to why it would benefit her, and I explain that it's not the solution we should pursue. Pushing me to tears every time because I don't want to lose my best friend. Then, at the end she will do a 180. She will say that she only says that to hear me fight for her and show my love. I think that there is some truth in her words, though. My question is; does she mean what she jokes about or what she says at the end?
TL;DR: | girlfriend jokes about breaking up. This brings me to deep sadness and then she says she only does it so I can show my love for her. I just want to know what she really thinks |
SUBREDDIT: r/jobs
TITLE: It's trial week for my new job. Day two and I want to quit.
POST: Hi, /r/jobs.
I started working for a law firm yesterday as a legal clerk. It's my second job along with my resturaunt job (which I love). I was told to complete a one-week full-time trial before I could be hired on as a part-time worker, but I saw so many red flags that I think this might not be worth it.
* In the interview, the HR lady said that she was "not so sure about [me]." Her boss hired me anyway for my personality instead of my skills.
* I asked the IT guy about the former people in the two empty cubicles. He said that they've "been here for a while". He also forgot that I was coming Monday so it took him three hours to set me up.
* The HR lady comes across as extremely condescending whenever we speak to each other. She told me that she is ranked right below the boss and kept emphasizing that Mr. Boss doesn't like mistakes. I feel like she hates me for being in her boss's favor.
* A Yelp review said that "there's a new paralegal every time I come in."
* I was actually called for an interview sometime in May, but I didn't go because I thought it was a scam. They advertised it as a receptionist job.
Important points to consider:
* I have never held a job for longer than three or four months.
* I have about $45k in loans to repay. The job is $10/hr. My resturaunt job is $8/hr.
* My fiance will start making a shit ton of money next year and doesn't mind if I do my resturaunt job forever.
* That resturaunt job might not last long since its a new business and seems likely to fail within a year.
TL;DR: | New office job and I hate it after one day. Scared of HR lady. Need reassurance that quitting is a good move? Maybe I should stick it out for the whole trial week? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [21 M] with my girlfriend [21 F] of 3 months, she dropped a medical bomb and I've had a rapid change of feelings.
POST: I have been dating a girl for three months, and the relationship had been going great until recently. We started dating in the winter when it was cold outside, and through conversation I made it clear that I really enjoy outdoor and physical activities especially when it was warmer.
Now that it has gotten warm enough to start doing outdoor things (hiking, running), I had been asking her to join me. This past weekend she sat me down and explained that she actually couldn't do any of this stuff: she had a genetic disease that impacts her muscle regrowth and can't physically do anything strenuous.
My feelings after hearing this have been very complex. I feel like she was deceitful because I made it clear how much being physical is an aspect of my life, and she lead me to believe the same. But at the same time, I feel that being upset about this makes me a shallow person.
I'm worry about how to proceed. It has only been three months, but up until now it has been a great relationship. I can't end it and cite her honesty as the reason I'm ending it- that would be so cruel and would hurt her too much. Any advice?
TL;DR: | GF told me she suffers from an illness 3 months into the relationship, fundamentally alters my view of her and I'm now feeling guilt- what do I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/personalfinance
TITLE: I saved up 10k in my checking account... I want to invest/save it?
POST: I saved up 10k in my checking account. I don't have a savings (anymore), because I always never had spare money so it was always in my checking anyway. I saved up 10k just incase I go unemployed. I feel accomplished, but now, I don't know what to do. I want to make money off of it, but I doubt I can really make any, so is a savings account my best bet. 10k seems like a lot to me, but probably not too much compared to others. What is my best bet with it assuming that I need access within a few days to pull out the money in case anything goes bad? In regards to work... my job is pretty secure. So I feel confident that I won't be out of a job anytime soon. Thanks for your comments/tips/past experience.
I see that the FAQ says I have x what to do? I am wondering if its worth it to just pay off my school loans with it... since things like bonds even seem like they'll have a small affect. 1.5 percent is only 100 dollars for 10k... and you would only get that once a year I'm guessing?
TL;DR: | Saved 10k. Never saved anything before. No savings account. Don't believe that interest will be helpful. I think paying off a portion of school would save me more money in the long run. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [22F] and my "romantically inclined friend" [18 F] have been on and off for 6 months..
POST: My "romantically inclined friend" and I have been on and off for 6 months, her biggest reason for breaking it off is that she isn't ready for a relationship. So I started talking to another girl [24F] after she told me that. The new girl and I hit it off, we agreed to hangout again. I told my "romantically inclined friend" about the new girl and she got pretty jealous. I explained to her that she's the one that didn't want a relationship. I told her I was going to continue to see this girl. Now my "romantically inclined friend" says she's ready for a relationship, is constantly interacting with me, and tells me multiple times that she was in love with me before but was afraid to tell me.
I have started to develop feelings for this new girl. This new girl doesn't talk to me as often. (I'm overseas right now because of military obligations) but when I was stateside we only hung out maybe 2 times a week. but when we did hangout it was always a great time. where as me and my "romantically inclined friend" hangout almost daily.
I guess my question is does my "romantically inclined friend" only want to be with me because of the new girl that has entered my life. Or has she realized that I'm not going to be there waiting for her, and now she's acting on her emotions.
any advice on the situation would help and be appreciated.
TL;DR: | Basically I'm trying to understand if my previous gf(ish) wants to be with me now that I have started talking to a new girl? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I[20F] can't stop thinking of all the terrible things my ex[20M] did to me.
POST: My ex and I dated for 3 years in high school. It was a typical stupid relationship that got dragged out way longer than it needed to because of other drama. Things did not end on a good note. At one point I hated him, now every time I think about him it disgusts me that I wasted so much of my time with someone like him.
He was very manipulative and did a lot of things (lying all the time, possibly cheating). He also molested me in public a lot during the first year of our relationship and because I was stupid and young and didn't have anyone to talk to to tell me that I could make him stop if it made me uncomfortable , I let him until a year or so later when I finally started making him stop touching me in anyway in public.
He turned a lot of my friends against me and continued to be "friends" with his ex during our relationship (which I found out about later) even though she caused a lot of problems for me at school by spreading rumors and hounding me on the phone. He was also very emotionally and verbally abusive towards the end which finally made me dump him.
It's been two years since I dumped him and cut him out of my life and I've found out he lied about a lot of things since then. I'm in a much healthier relationship now with my college bf but the more I get into my new relationship, the more I can't help thinking about how terribly I was treated by my ex. I feel so disgusted that I stayed with him for as long as I did. That I believed his lies as much as I did and even worse, I can't believe I lost my virginity to a slimy asshole like that who probably cheated on me when I could've avoided all of that mess and waiting until college to meet my amazing current bf.
I know it's not rational but I can't help those feelings. How do I get over these feelings and stop having them? I just want to forget I ever knew this person. Or at the very least, stop remembering all the terrible things he did to me.
TL;DR: | my ex - first serious bf - did a lot of crap to me and I can't stop being bitter over it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I'm gay.[17] and I recently broke up with my boyfriend of a year [18]. He's spreading lies about me. What do I do?
POST: Well, I'm 17 now, turning 18 in a month or two, but I was 16 when the relationship began. (He was 17). I originally lived in Austin, TX, but a couple months ago, I moved to a different state to be with him. He lived in a small town, but it was a college town, so I figured I could live with him while I went to school and such.
It didn't turn out so well. I ended up breaking it off with him, because he turned out to be a slob, had anger management issues, and would constantly accuse me of being a whore and sleeping around. It was a severely toxic relationship.
He turned into one of those people who unwraps something, and just leaves the wrapper on the counter; and besides that, he was extremely immature and didn't know how to handle a relationship. He even, at one point, kicked me because he didn't like something I did. Like, kicked me. Hard. I broke up with him soon after.
After I broke up with him, I remained in the small town for a month or so, and then I moved in with a friend, who had a place in a nearby but bigger city.
Ever since that happened, my friends (who still talked to him) informed me that he has been spreading rumours about me. He said that I was an actual prostitute, and had sold my body for money and "rides" (like to different places). He also said I cheated on him, and that I had diseases that I gave to him. (I never gave him everything, and I'm completely clean.)
Anyway, what do I do? How can I protect myself from the aftershocks of this horrid relationship?
TL;DR: | Broke up with my boyfriend of a year, he decided to drag my name through the mud, what do I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/offmychest
TITLE: Why I can never go to Georgia.
POST: Not sure where to post this. Hopefully the right place.
A little background: I grew up in Pennsylvania with my mom and two younger sisters. Ones 20 months younger than me the other is 12 years younger.
When I turned 18 my mom decided to relocate to Georgia. I wasn't ready to leave my friends and other family so I moved in with my grandparents, my mom packed up and moved with my then 16 y-o and 5 y-o sisters.
Fast forward to 6 months later.
My sisters are now 17 and 6. I've never gotten along with the 17 y-o, we are two extremely different people with very little in common as far as personality. But I have always been fiercely protective over her, you just don't fuck with someone's family. (I've been suspended from school for punching a kid in the face when he called her a whore.) Anyway, she's extremely hard to get along with, and has a rather abrasive attitude. So a group of girls at her new school didn't quiet like her. They've been threatening her and harassing her for the past 2 months. They know where she lives and have been seen outside her apartment. It's gotten so bad that she's moving back to Pennsylvania to live with her former boxing coach (sounds a lot weirder than it actually is).
Now to the reason I can never go to Georgia, if I ever come into contact with the girls that harassed my sister so badly that she's moving 800 miles away from our mother just so she doesn't get the shit beaten out of her by a group of punk bitches, I will send each one of them to the hospital. I don't care if I get sent to jail or worse. People that gang up on others with no real reason are the lowest form of scum.
TL;DR: | younger sister is moving 800 miles so she doesnt get jumped, I will straight up mame the people that tormented her if I ever meet them. |
SUBREDDIT: r/dogs
TITLE: I was bit for the first time today. Was there something else I should've done?
POST: My wife and I frequent this off leash dog park in Washington and was approached by a pack. We've interacted with these guys before and were not concerned at all. Their owners are really friendly and always polite to everyone at the park. We did notice, however, that they had an addition to the pack today; a newfoundland. This guy was the one that got my hand. When it happened, I was trying to protect my face from being licked. The bite wasn't severe, but he did puncture the skin and caused bleeding. The owners were really apologetic and told me that they've been trying to socialize him for two months since they rescued him. Once everything settled down I told them that I wasn't mad at them and that I knew it was an accident. I did however, emphasize that I'm a very laid back person and grateful that this didn't happen to somebody else (like a kid). They told me that this was the final straw for the dog and they were going to return the guy to the shelter. I didn't get their contact information because I wasn't worried. I did go to the ER just to make sure nothing serious was wrong with my hand. Was this the right approach to take or should I have done more?
TL;DR: | I was bit by a dog (wasn't severe but did puncture) and didn't get contact information from owners. Was this the right approach? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My GF [18F] of 11mnths, saw a friend with history (who had confessed his love to her months before) [18M] and lied to me about it, what should I do?
POST: So she [18F who we'll call Sarah] and I [17M, we'll call Tim] have been going out for 11 months. During the summer her long term family friend [18M, James] asked to meet with her before he went on a gap year. She had a fling with this guy about 6 months before we started going out, but I thought it was fine as she was committed to me, and she had rejected him.
However when they met up, he tried to make a move on her and told her he loved her (He did know she had a boyfriend). Luckily he went away shortly after and so the problem sort of did as well. Obviously I have been slightly paranoid ever since about him, feeling uncomfortable when he texts her etc.
Knowing that he would be coming back I told her that I would feel very uncomfortable with her meeting up one on one and would be happy to meet him if he was truly over her. If i'm honest I may have come off as controlling but I never intended to come off as forbidding her to do anything.
So he came back in december and he started talking to her and asking to meet up and in front of me she said she wouldn't see him, then after New Years I find out from her friend that she bumped into them meeting up. Obviously I was upset and she claimed she planned on telling me and the only reason she didn't was because she thought I would flip out. We talked and she says that because he is a friend I'm overreacting, whilst I feel that because of their history he can't be seen as "Just a friend".
So, reddit, is my discomfort understandable, would you be happy if your bf/gf still wanted to see their ex who had feelings? Anyone who's been in my GF's position it would be very helpful.
TL;DR: | GF sees boy who she's slept with before me, and he confesses his love for her, months later she meets up with him and lies about it |
SUBREDDIT: r/personalfinance
TITLE: I'm a doctor and I'm broke. Help wanted.
POST: I don't like to ask for help. Like ever. I even hated asking my parents for anything all my life. I like being independent and self-sustained. I am a scientist, and have wanted to be one my whole life. I got my bachelors in microbiology (100K student loans), and my PhD in cancer biology (paid stipend by University, so no loans). My dad always said he would pay for my college, but then he died. And I mom can't afford it; she just lost her job about a year ago. So I'm here in my first real job (postdoc scientist) making a government sanctioned 42K a year regardless of location (I live in Boston, not the cheapest city in the world), and I can't make my loan payments. I have done forbearance for about a year. But that will end soon. I am paying my bills, then living off about $200 a month for food and life. I have credit cards from my stupid college years I feel like I'll never be able to pay off, and I'm tired of not making friends because I can't go to dinner or grab a drink with people. Even outdoor activities cost money. Maybe there is nothing I can do, maybe there are better job opportunities with more pay for my expertise, maybe there are financial ways of reducing or deferring payments. Maybe you can offer just a "it'll all be OK in time", because maybe that's all I really need right this second.
TL;DR: | I'm a doctor, I have a job, I'm broke, I can't pay my student loans, can't make friends in a new city with no money, and maybe just need a hug. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [19F] and [21M] BF have been together 3 years. My BF is still talking to a [22F] friend after we agreed he would not. I am not sure if their comments are normal or flirtatious?
POST: This is the link to the previous problem:
Now yesterday I noticed he texted her again after we agreed he would stop and send her one last text to help her with resources. When I asked him about this he says he has no recollection of this. He only remembers to send one last text where he would mention her comments are inappropriate and to stop.
I asked him to show me the one last message because my BF is very nice and tries not to step on peoples toes so he is not very assertive. He proceeds to log into his Facebook and none of their messages are there. I know they were there because we logged into his Facebook not long before. I asked "did you delete it?". He said "no, I'm never on Facebook and I don't know how to work things". Personally, I don't understand how their messages can just disappear while the others remain.
At this point I feel like I can't do anything. He continues to talk to her although we agreed he wouldn't and he has no recollection of this. I feel the way they talk is inappropriate but I am not sure if I am being overly irrational and taking things out of context.
This was a text I read and I'm not sure if it's a normal adult social conversation or flirtatious?
Female: Text me tomorrow if you're not busy. You brighten up my day and make me smile :)
Male: Haha you know you love the person you're talking to when all you're doing is reading texts and you have a big grin on your face :)
Is this a normal adult social conversation? Am I being overly irrational?
TL;DR: | BF continues to text a female friend after we agreed he wouldn't. I am not sure if their conversations are normal adult social conversations or I am being overly irrational and insecure. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Reddit, my employer has put me in a tough situation, what should I do?
POST: I work in the IT services industry, and for the past few weeks, I've had the opportunity to work exclusively for a local client, and I've loved the job. The team I'm a part of is great, the work is very rewarding, and I feel like I'm learning a lot. Last week, I was lucky enough to get offered a full time position there (through my company) by the client.
Last Friday, my manager told me that that I'm too important in my current position to move to that contract, so even though I feel that I've earned the position myself, I think my company will select someone else to fill the role. Needless to say, I'm pretty pissed. I'm pretty unhappy with my current job; There's no chance for advancement, and haven't seen a raise in 1.5 years I've been working for them. I consider myself a hard worker, taken on numerous additional responsibilities, and I try to help out short staffed regions by traveling about once a month, as well as go on call which means sometimes working over 70 hours a week.
I'm supposed to hear the final word on whether I can take this new job soon, but I'm not sure how to react if I'm told I can't have it. I'm considering asking for vacation and using that time to look for a new job, but was hoping you guys might be able to provide some insight on the most diplomatic way to approach this. Thanks in advance!
TL;DR: | I've been offered a job by one of my company's clients, but my employer wont allow me to take it. What should I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [24 F] my boyfriend [28 M] 18 months. Vacation just the two of us?
POST: My boyfriend and I both climb and I've been telling him about this place I've wanted to visit for a long time. He finally got a day off work and suggested we spend a long weekend there.
I was really happy about the suggestion and excited, thinking we'd spend a weekend climbing, just us, seeing as I am leaving for a month right afterwards and we won't be seeing each other for a while.
A few days later he calls me and says a bunch of other friends are coming too, including his sister.
I try to act like I'm ok with it, still excited to go. Really I'm so disappointed that we aren't going alone. I call him and tell him, and he doesn't understand.
Should I have kept that to myself and not told him? Is it strange for me to be disappointed?
I feel horrible for telling him my feelings, especially since he told me he doesn't understand them. We're not really on good terms now.
TL;DR: | Weekend planned alone with my boyfriend but other people are coming. I'm extremely disappointed and he doesn't understand why I feel that way. |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by asking a deaf person what kind of music he listens to.
POST: Had a mutual friend introduce me to his cousin during some dinner gathering. My friend disclaims that his cousin is deaf but I totally forget as I'm having a full on conversation with the cousin. I notice that he sounds kinda muffled, but my dumbass just thought it was some minor speech impediment. If that wasn't the obvious indicator, my friend is speaking and doing sign language with the cousin, but I think nothing of it.
I finally pop the question "so what kind of music do you listen to?" As I finish the question, everyone around the table darts their eyes at me with their jaws dropped to the floor. It's literally quiet for a good 3 seconds and he slowly responds "Didn't Mike tell you?I'm deaf".
I literally wanted to faint. The room was so quiet you could literally taste the awkwardness in the air. Fortunately, he was cool about it and played it off so I wouldn't feel like such an idiot.
TL;DR: | Friend tells me his cousin is deaf, but I forget because I'm having a full-on conversation with the cousin. I ask the deaf cousin what kind of music he listens to, and thus looking like a jackass. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [23M] with my Girlfriend [21f] of 2 months, She seems to go through these phases where she will needs space but then want to do things everyday, it's confusing me
POST: I've never really been in a relationship, this one being my first but I'm struggling to know what she wants. She seems to go through these phases where she says I'm being too clingy, but then the next week will want to do something and hangout everyday. My issue is that she is going through the needed space thing right now and I just feel that it's something I did and its driving me crazy. I just need advice on if it's normal to feel this worried, I really care about her and I don't anything bad to happen to our relationship because of something I did.
TL;DR: | Girlfriend says she needs space but then wants to hangout all the time, now is back on the needing space kick and I'm worried it's something I did. Has anyone experienced something similar and do they have any advice? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Why is r/adviceanimals not made fun of as much as the other major subreddits?
POST: Usually, the larger karma-content subreddits bring in the dumbest people. However, after being banned from r/adviceanimals, I have to say that that subreddit takes the cake. The memes this summer are the worst they have ever been. All that obnoxious subreddit does is generalize, slut shame, post 'edgy' opinion bears, post common sense/passive aggressive mallards, and go into detail about their masturbation habits. I've been on reddit for 2 years and I've had enough. I'm GLAD I was banned. Fuck you r/adviceanimals mods and all your 13 year old subscribers that graduated from bragging about banging my mom on XBOX live.
TL;DR: | All that obnoxious subreddit does is generalize, slut shame, post 'edgy' opinion bears, post common sense/passive aggressive mallards, and go into detail about their masturbation habits. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [24M] am going to confront my dad [59M] with his financial chaos in about 4 hours.
POST: Dear relationship advisors of Reddit.
First a disclaimer. My English may not be that good because I'm living in a country with doesn't speak English as a primary language. Yes, I know this has taking too long to take action.
In about 4 hours I'm going to confront my dad with his bills and bad financial habits which has affected me and my mother. For about 5 years he is paying off bills and me and my mother are also paying as much as we can miss to help him. But I'm sick and tired of him hiding bills, being very secretive and just straight up lying. The last drop was today when I found a last warning from our energy company. If he doesn't pay a sum of a couple hundred euros bij Thursday then our gas and electricity is going to be cut of. This pissed me of because he was telling us for a couple of months that everything was going good and the end was in sight. I decided to go in his room and found a large pile of opened and unopened bills.
I'm thinking about confronting him tonight, in the presence of my mother while showing the pile of bills and give him 3 choices.
1. He keeps going with this and I, and hopefully also my mother, will leave him asap. Burning all the the ships/bridges that has something to do with him.
2. He seeks professional help. I already know 2 company who I know are good in what they do and they can help him. They can also mediate with the company's which my dad has his debts with.
3. Enroll in an government regulated payroll type of programme. He and his money will be monitored and regulated by a professional and will be set on a minimum wage and the rest of his wage wil be used to pay of his bills. After 5 years any remaining bills wil be forgiven and he will be given full control of his financials agian.
Is this a good idea or not? I can't live like this any longer because thanks to this I too am forming debts and have zero savings. Any help would be appreciated.
TL;DR: | My dad is a financial disaster and is dragging me and my mother with him. Thinking about confronting him with this tonight. |
SUBREDDIT: r/dogs
TITLE: Concerned for my neighbor's dog
POST: I live in an apartment complex in a largely college town.
My neighbor doesn't take her dog for walks, she just lets him out and he runs all over the neighborhood. I don't think he's aggressive, but upon seeing anyone he'll run up to them barking and people are clearly unnerved by it. Same story if there's another dog with them. When the dog gets close to people it appears friendly. The owner appears to have very little control over the animal, too. She'll call it in to the house and it will flat ignore her.
Her excuse is that she feels bad because the dog is used to her parents' large back yard. The barking doesn't really bother me. The concern I have is that it spends a lot of time in the street and will only make a small step to avoid cars.
My question is: is this okay for a dog to have so few boundaries and should I really be worried about it being hit by a car? It's a dog, it can't be that stupid - right?
TL;DR: | dog has free run of the neighborhood and I think it's only a matter of time before it gets hit by a car or shot/maced by a pedestrian. |
SUBREDDIT: r/pettyrevenge
TITLE: Clog the toilet? Good luck getting toilet paper next time.
POST: I have two roommates. One is an easy going guy that I get along great with. The other is a complete douche bag(I'll call him db for short) who has no sense of hygiene or respect for others. He doesn't shower before going to his day job where he meets hundreds of people, and plays loud music late at night while others are trying to sleep. This is a story about my douche bag of a roommate.
I came home from class the other afternoon to go and enjoy a nice relaxing time on the john. I walk into the bathroom to find the entire toilet seat down, cover and all. This is surprising since he never puts the toilet cover down. Ever. I lift it up, and low and behold there is a nice clog of shit and paper with the water slowly rising from just being used. I go to find db, since i know it was him (we share the bathroom), to clean it up. He coincidentally just left for a friends house. So I leave it and text him explaining how he is going to clean that up because there is no way I'm touching that shit, literally. I'll just use the second bathroom. Well, he threw a fit about it since he can never man up to his mistakes and can't take any criticism thrown at him.
So as revenge I used the last role of toilet paper under the sink so there is none in our bathroom. Have fun walking 40 feet to the apartment closet to grab a role in agonizing turd-clinging pain.
TL;DR: | Roommate clogged the toilet and left the apartment. I make sure he has to walk to get his next role. |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by not getting rid of the spider in my bathroom
POST: The FU itself happened a few days ago but I faced the consequences about 15 minutes ago.
A few days ago I noticed a spider on one of the walls while I was taking a shower. I'm not arachnophobic but I'm definitely scared of spiders to some extent. Also, seeing spiders, especially the dead ones that roll up into a ball, makes me feel real weird. I don't know how else to explain it. Anyway, I noticed the spider but I was too lazy to do anything about it. It was on the wall farthest away from me and it wasn't bothering me in any way. That's where I fucked up. "If you don't bother me, then I won't bother you", I told the spider. It seemed to understand and disappeared politely. I'd occasionally see the spider and say hi. We stuck to the deal.
Fast forward to 15 minutes ago and I was done showering. I grabbed my towel and threw it over my head to dry my hair. I got a sudden crawling sensation on my scalp and all over my body. I looked down to see a small army of baby spiders crawling all over my body and hair. I immediately freaked out and jumped under the shower again rubbing and scratching at myself vigorously. They kept falling out of my hair for the next few minutes. I can still feel them on my skin. This is going to take a while to forget.
TL;DR: | Saw a spider in my bathroom but decided to leave it alone. It showed its gratitude by raising its family on my towel and I didn't find out till I used it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Am I[19F] wrong in feeling hurt that my friends [18-20 M/F] are planning a BDay party for another friend[19 F] and not me?
POST: Hey /r/relationships, sorry for the wall of text!
So for some background it is my second semester in college and a lot of my friends(there are around 10 of us) I have now were made last semester. It was awkward making friends at first but now we are like a family. Most of my high school friends went our separate ways after graduation with the exception of a few. One of my best friends from high school (who I'll call Sarah) just transferred to my college this semester. I was so excited that she came and I immediately introduced her to my new group of friends. Sarah is such an amazing, caring, happy person and I'm super glad to have her around. Everyone else in my group thought so too and she was welcomed with open arms.
So now here is my conflict: On Tuesday it was my 19th birthday. Everyone in my group knew despite me not making a big deal about it. I never want it to seem like I'm expecting anything so I try not to publicize my birthday. It was *really* bad weather out so not many people from my group came out to campus that day. Despite not seeing everyone in person, I did get birthday wishes via text/social media and I was happy with that. Sarah was one of the few people I did see and she gave me a beautiful ring. I love it so much and surprised because I wasn't expecting such a nice gift.
Sarah's birthday is on Saturday and one of my friends texted me to let me know that the group was planning on having a surprise party for her this Friday. She also asked me to contribute money for a birthday gift for her. They want to get Sarah an expensive Michael Kors watch. I told them I was happy to come and that I'd of course I'd contribute (I already had my own gift for her picked out). But on the inside I felt a bit hurt (and maybe a bit jealous) that they are willing to do all of this for someone they recently met. I feel guilty that I'm hurt because Sarah is so amazing and I want her to be included in our group.
TL;DR: | Am I wrong to feel hurt that my friends are planning a birthday party for my friend that I introduced to them instead of me? Should I just suck it up and let it go? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [22F] don't understand what he [22M] means by, I love you but I don't want to date right now.
POST: We started talking online around spring, we both live in different states so we got close talking on the phone/texting/skyping/etc. We met up recently and had really good time. What I don't understand is his intentions.
He was very affectionate, and physical (kissing, sex, all that). It doesn't seem like he's only interested in FWB since he talks to me on the phone when we're apart, and I can't describe well, but the way he treats me. However, he says that he loves me but he doesn't want to date.
His reasoning is that he just got out of long relationship recently, he likes to be "free" and not having to worry about a girl. Why should there be a label as "bf/gf", being committed, if we can just have a good time together?
What do you think he is thinking? Do you think he is just rebounding/going with the motion with me until he finds someone? I don't have to decide cut-clear dating/not dating, but I don't want to be too attached to later learn that he moved on to someone else.
TL;DR: | A guy I have been physical/affectionate with says that he loves me but doesn't want to date. What does he mean by that? Am I someone just in between his actual relationships? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I really like this girl [20 F], and she really likes me [20 M], but there's this one problem...
POST: It's going to be extremely hard for me to word this without sounding superficial but here it goes...
So there's this girl who has a crush on me. I really like spending time with her, I love her personality. Her face is amazingly pretty too. How often does that happen, that two people simultaneously like eachother? Awesome, right?
The thing is though... she is extremely fat. I hate seeing myself write that, because I know I sound so superficial. I've always considered myself to be a down to earth person who cares more about personality than looks. But there is a point where you draw the line. You can't deny that physical attraction is an important component of a relationship.
to give you an idea, according to her roommates, she lives an extremely unhealthy lifestyle where she never goes to the gym, and eats mostly junk food and mcdonalds all day. She's also a bit of a stoner, which isn't exactly great for her health either.
She doesn't have to be model quality. If she was just a little chubby, that would be totally 100% fine. In fact, I would RATHER have a girl who's a little chubby than supermodel-skinny. But this is too much.
I put a basic amount of effort into taking care of myself. I try to eat mostly healthy, and I go to the gym every other day. I don't have the body of a supermodel either but I'm in reasonably good shape. I think I deserve to have a girlfriend who atleast does the basics of self-maintence herself too.
And it's not like I can just tell her to her face that she's fat and needs
to lose weight. In this society, where there's so much fat shaming, I'm worried that I would send her on the path to eating disorder land. Not to mention it would totally ruin my chances with her too.
TL;DR: | We both like eachother and its awesome, but she is extremely out of shape and it's impossible for me to be physically attracted to her. Wat do |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: What is the most awkward/embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you in the bathroom? Public preferred...
POST: This just happened to me.
I am at the university I attend. I went to the bathroom as normal and was finishing up in my preferred stall which I know has an iffy lock. I stand up to start pulling up my pants when the stall door begins to open inwards. I feel the door touch my head as I'm looking down. I know I am not alone because I heard other people in the stalls and heard people walk in, so naturally I think someone is attempting to open the door.
Because I'm standing up, bare-assed with my pants around my ankles, I panic, and pretty much punch the door and yell "No!". I thought there would be some resistance... but as it turns out, the lock has just come undone and the door was just slowly opening.
It happened so fast.. As I begin to look up and notice no one is standing there, the door I punched slams noisily and rebounds with the force of my panicked reflex and smashes into my face. That's about the time I realize that everyone at the sink is staring in alarm at me through the opened crack (obviously drawn by the screams and bangs), and that I am still half-naked.
I just pulled up my pants, didn't make eye contact, washed my hands and got out of there. I didn't get a bloody nose, but it still throbs. Not as much as my pride though.
TL;DR: | Punched a door in panic which rebounded and smacked me in the face. All with my pants around my ankles and a live audience to experience my self-inflicted trauma. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [23 M] girlfriend [23 F] of 3 years says she doesn't love me as much anymore, please help
POST: Hello reddit, I have been a lurker in these subreddits recently hoping to read a post like mine but there doesn't seem to be any so here I go..
My girlfriend and I have been happily dating for three years (or so I thought), after about the first year I started devoting my whole life towards her because I felt that she was 'the one'. As silly as it sounds, she seemed to agree.. We planned our future together, started saving and discussing how many kids we would have, where we would live etc etc.
Recently (about 1 month ago), I started noticing that she was starting to act 'colder', and truthfully I felt less loved than before. It wasn't that she (or me for that matter), did anything special and big for each other everyday but rather telling each other that we love each other and doing small things that counted. These things started decreasing over the last few weeks and so I confronted her about it. She decided that she needed space and so I gave her two weeks of no contact.
After these two weeks we had another discussion and she broke down telling me that she doesn't love me as much (but still loves me) as she used to and that she feels that she is with me at the moment because she feels thankful(?) to have me. She went on to talk about how she feels guilty when she is hanging out with her guy friends but likes doing so.
If she told me that she has been cheating on me or she has feelings for another guy I would take the heartache but it would be easier to end it here and now but the fact that this is not the case and I still feel like we have a future together doesn't let me end things.
My question is, is there anything that I could do to try and fix our relationship? I feel like it is such a waste to try and let what we had go..
TL;DR: | Girlfriend of 3 years feels like she loves me less than before but thankful(?) to have me and wants to end the relationship because she feels guilty when hanging out with other people. Can I fix this? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Should I tell my gf's friend's husband that she cheated on him?
POST: Hi all, been sitting on this a few months.
So my[25/M] girlfriend[23/F](Anne) has had this friend since high school[24F?](Terry) whom has been cheating on her husband[27M?](John) for the past ~6 months. Age is irrelevant here.
Here is the thing. I hardly ever see Terry and John. I am not even friends with them, its all on my girlfriends side. The last I heard she stopped cheating some 3 months ago and cut the guy off completely. Last I heard she has regret what she has done. She is an overall good person, and I am assuming needed to get some energy out? That doesnt exactly excuse what she has done.
Anyways, I want to be the bro to John, but I think at this point I might be wrecking something that has a chance to fix itself. Bear with me. She knows what she did was wrong, and they are a great couple, I am not sure that I, especially someone so figuratively far away from them(They are literally acquaintances that I only talk to on holidays) should destroy their marriage.
I dont want to think only of myself in this situation, believe me, I want whats best for John, its the bro code. However, I cant see this not only ending well for them, but for me. Terry will probably hate my gf and most definitely me, and my gf will probably never trust me with a secret again. Even if I somehow tell John anonymously(which I have no idea how, he doesnt use any social media, I dont know his address, and we never talk), my actions will still bring a large amount of pain to people who are blindly happy. Maybe the best marriages are based on lies.
TL;DR: | = Should i tell this guy I hardly know his wife cheated on him, even though it could do more harm than good? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: What is your worst/funniest medicinal accident?
POST: I have a disc out of place in my back so I've been on Percocet for about three weeks, which has kept me from having a productive shitting session in almost an entire full moon.
Anyway, my doc put me on a prescription laxative and my mom, being the crafty gypsy nurse she is, found an old bottle of it from my sisters surgery. I took it at 12PM that day and went out that night to the bars with friends, feeling fine. Around 11AM my stomach started growling and I started getting a fever along with my vision blurring like crazy.
I waddled to the bathroom with my ass cheeks clenched in a vice grip only to see the only stall occupied. I shouldered the stall open (some guy was in there peeing standing up) and I shoved him out of the way and unleashed the loudest ass cannon ever.
I painted a Jackson Pollock all over the toilet bowl. I almost wanted to take a picture of it so it could be some sort of new abstract art. I made it home and continued to unleash everything. I might have even lost a kidney. I checked the medicine bottle only to find it was SEVEN YEARS OLD.
TL;DR: | took 7 years expired presciption laxative because I was too cheap to buy a new one and it caused me to paint a Jackson Pollock all over the toilet bowl of a popular bar/club in my neighborhood. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: I (27/m) hooked up with my best friend (26/f) and caught the feelings. She says she didn't but everything else says otherwise..
POST: A little background: I've known "S" since the 1st grade and we've been best friends for as long as I can remember. There has always been a ton of chemistry between us, to the point that multiple people have told us individually that we should date. However timing has never been on our side. We've both been in serious relationships since HS with different people and were never single at the same time.
Last year my ex-gf and I of 3 yrs broke up and I told "S" everything, as she has always been my best friend. This past January, "S" and her longterm bf broke up.
A couple weeks ago, "S" and I went as each other's dates to a mutual friends wedding, and ended up getting drunk and hooking up all weekend.
It's happened a couple more times since then when we were sober so I know it wasn't some drunken mistake.
She's told me a few times that she's not ready for a relationship and wants to enjoy being single for a while and get to date around for the first time in years.
My problem is that I genuinely have feelings for this girl and even though she says she doesn't want a relationship, every time we're together she acts like my gf (rubbing my leg under the table, cuddling, etc), yet she actively keeps reiterating that this needs to stop because it could get messy and then 2hrs later is all over me..
I'm just frustrated because I don't know whether or not to keep the whole thing going in the chance that she decides she wants to date or if I should quit the physical part and just go back to being friends so I don't get fucked over.....
TL;DR: | I've been FWB with my best friend and I caught the feelings and even tho she says it's not mutual, her actions say otherwise and I have no fucking clue what to do |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: What is your favorite passive-aggressive act?
POST: Ill start,
I take my breaks at work the same time every day, and I do what every other redditor does, I sit on the shitter and browse reddit.
Well everyday some guy walks in, sees that someone is in one of the stalls and leaves. Sometimes he is in there before me. I know its him because he picks up his feet so I can't see his shoes.
He won't get out of the stall as long as there is someone in the restroom, so I sit there, smiling, knowing that I am causing him anxiety.
I know its mean, but I can't help it.
TL;DR: | I leisurely sit in the restroom stall knowing that the guy next to me wont leave until there is no one in the restroom |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: How do I (24M) deal with my jealousy?
POST: I have been together with my girlfriend (22F) for a little over a year and I have recently moved away to another country to work for the rest of year, turning the relationship into a LDR.
The thing is, I keep on feeling very jealous towards my girlfriend and when she hasn't answered my messages for a few hours, but I see her online on Facebook or if she's spending an evening without answering messages (typically she's with her parent or just watching TV) I start having these terrible jealous thoughts "What if she's together with / talking with another guy" etc.
Now, there's absolutely no reason why I shouldn't trust her. She has never given me any reason as to why I should be jealous, but still I can't help it!
The strange thing is that I haven't had this feeling with my previous girlfriends, so I don't know exactly why I should feel this way now. I've had quite a few of these thoughts throughout the whole relationship, but it has gotten worse since I moved.
I absolutely hate how this has made me feel insecure - and as a result gotten too clingy/needy. Even though we have our problems and fights, I really love this girl and would never forgive myself for pushing her away because of stupid thoughts in my head. I know it's a problem with me, but I don't know what to do.
Reddit, what can I do to deal with my jealousy?
TL;DR: | Been together with GF for over a year, but keep having jealous feelings without any good reason. What can I do to deal with it? |
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