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SUBREDDIT: r/legaladvice
TITLE: Need the advice from someone who knows US health insurance law
POST: I doubt I can do much, if anything, but figured I'd ask the experts.
My fiancee has a herniated disc in her back with a pinched nerve. As you can imagine, it is extremely painful and has severely impacted her quality of life. It hurts to move, walk, etc. and has been terrible for the last few months. Her back doctor recommended a procedure called a discectomy which is kind of like surgery, but not as invasive (it's only a 4 day recovery process).
The doctor had about two or three conference calls with the my fiancee's insurance company, emblem, and they told us in January that it was approved. We heard that it was approved from both the doctor and the insurance company. A week later we booked the appointment for the procedure which was scheduled to take place tomorrow.
Yesterday, my fiancee gets a call from the doctor who said that the insurance company is now saying that they don't approve the procedure after all. This was after they mentioned they approved it on two separate occasions. What's odd too is that the insurance company said they'd approve it, but with anesthesia (meaning they had a clause in place already for this type of procedure) and now all of a sudden, two days before the procedure they say "no sorry, we're not approving it after all".
Since the procedure didn't happen and they just simply canceled it, there's nothing we can do right? We are just so angry, frustrated, and helpless. This was the light at the end of a painful tunnel and now it's gone.
TL;DR: | Emblem insurance approved a back procedure. Mentioned it was approved more than once. Two days before the procedure they said they don't cover it after all and forced us to cancel it. Anything we can do legally? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Breakups: Me [21 M] with my ex [21 F] 2 years, How do I deal with anxiety from seeing my ex?
POST: I broke up with her at the end of last semester after exams due to the overall stress of my life coupled with the stress and taxation she brought on me. I never really felt physically desired, yet I felt absolutely emotionally drained most of the time, and even when she began to be less emotionally needy, I still felt resentment about being with her. I didn't feel comfortable being with someone more than two years if I wasn't absolutely sure I wanted to go all the way with them and that was definitely the case, especially since she was my first girlfriend and the first girl I ever had sex with.
It's taken the entirety of the summer for me to cope with the feelings of guilt and detachment from breaking up with her, even through I know I shouldn't feel any guilt about doing what I think is right. I thought I was fine after last week when I had a decent hookup with a girl in my classes and she pretty much outshone my ex physically in every way.
Unfortunately, during work, she came to my store and I even rang up her items, and the entire exchange almost gave me an anxiety attack and prevented me from working at full capacity for the rest of the night. I even tried texting the girl I hooked up with out of desperation but she didn't even respond back, which made my anxiety worse.
I've felt like shit this whole summer and I have no idea how to cope with it. I've felt that I've had enough self-respect not to go crawling back to her after breaking her, well, both of our hearts, but I feel lost as fuck right now with my emotions all out of whack. I can't even really ask my friends because all they know is how negative I felt about her.
Part of me feel like maybe I need more closure, like I should try patching things up with her and at least be friends, but I also feel like that could be a bad idea. I'm stuck.
TL;DR: | How do I stop feeling like a massive manbaby when it comes to an major ex that I'm definitely not over yet? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Boyfriend(26M) leaving me(24F) to go to Antarctica.
POST: I'll make this short and sweet. We've been together 8 months. Things moved fast for us. We live together and we are both in love. I'm in nursing school, and he's working on his Master's. He just landed an amazing opportunity: he has a job offer to go to the South Pole for research. He'll be gone for a year. I really don't want to stop him from going, and this opportunity is too amazing to pass up. He states that he wants to do long distance with me, but this will obviously come with some complications. I feel...torn. I really want him to go but I feel like I will be missing out on a huge chunk of his life. I'm also so afraid that he'll meet someone else or something else will happen that will tear him away from me. Please help!
TL;DR: | Should I go long long distance with bf, who I love very much, or should we go our separate ways? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I, a [19M] met a [21F] over the weekend, we've been texting ever since and things are great, but she has an 8 month old son, anyone been at a similar age in this situation?
POST: First of all I'm not sure if this is the correct place to post this, so if there is a better suited sub please let me know!
So at the weekend I met this lovely girl, drinks were had, poor dance moves pulled off and as we sat to chat she told me she had a baby boy, to which I didn't think much of at the time. She showed me a few pictures and he was a cute little bugger I must admit.
Since then we've talked about anything and everything, good conversation, we get along really well it seems. It's very rare I can open up to people but with her it comes naturally almost.
Now I don't hate kids or anything, I love them in fact, it just feels a little weird due to my age.
I understand it is VERY early doors, but with the question on my mind I figured I should ask and get an insight or a little advice.
TL;DR: | 19M with possibility of dating 21F with an 8 month old child. I'm slightly nervous, has anyone been in a similar situation or have any sound advice? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: ME (24m) and my ex (24f) been broken up 6 months, got a txt from her last night which fizzled out quickly and need an outside perspective
POST: I'm certain I'm overthinking this as I tend to with everything by my ex txt me last night. We dated for 2 years and broke up 6 months ago. Initially, we maintained a FWB agreement until we decided we needed to stop talking in order to move on with our lives, that decision was made about 5 weeks ago. There had been no exchange of communication through that time until last night this happened around 10pm:
Her: Hey hey! Hows it?
(2 minutes later)
Me: Hi! It's going really good at the moment. You?
(15 minutes later, no reply)
Me: ?
(Next morning, still no reply)
Me: So was there something you wanted to talk about?
I have still not had a reply. I'm guessing she got cold feet and decided maybe she's not ready to talk again which is fine but it just isn't consistent with her personality. In the past, she would have absolutely no problem just saying "actually, I changed my mind and don't want to talk" or something like that. She has never flat out ignored me after initiating a conversation like this... Is it possible maybe she blocked my number when we started our no contact and forgot to unblock it before sending that txt? That would mean it would just appear that I'm ignoring her? Should I follow up again tonight? I would love nothing more than to have her back.
I don't know what I hope to get from this, just trying to ramble I guess since I don't have the greatest support network in my life :/
TL;DR: | Ex sent me a txt last night after 5 weeks of not talking but didn't reply to my response or follow ups since |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Feeling devastated after a friend screwed me over in a startup. No idea why I am submitting it here - maybe just looking for some pity/discussion
POST: Joined the startup 2 yrs back with an annual salary of x (half of what I earned at the time in a cushy job). After slogging my ass off for 2 yrs, with no life whatsoever, the startup gets acquired. And I get x/2 as the stock money, with no meaningful increase in salary. If I would have stayed back in my prev company, my current salary would have been 3x.
To give a perspective, if my annual salary is $100K (hypothetical) for last 2 yrs, I lost $250K by working in this startup for 2 yrs, as opposed to my previous job. Remember, slaving 24x7. Also, my annual salary is now at $120K as opposed to $300K, which it would have been in my prev job. The difference in salaries is primarily due to a big sector change - I also sacrificed all my experience and need to startover if I have to go back to prev sector. Also, I feel the lack of all the money is killing my dreams to start something on my own.
Worst part, I trusted this friend and didn't bother to do detailed diligence - he lied to me blatantly about the stocks/share I was offered (stocks were right, share was wrong).
TL;DR: | Left a cushy job. Trusted a friend. Asshole Lied. Company sold. Me Screwed. Need to Startover. You may not see next bill gates because of this asshole :( |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [23/M] can't get my ex [23/F] off my head after a year.
POST: I was in a relationship and everything was just great. For those 6 months. I found her really attractive. It was a short distance relationship (met on weekends usually).
We broke up because she saw a pic with another girl that I didn't tell her about (just a selfie, nothing sexual). But I felt the real reason was that since she was moving out of town. We did kind of talk about *taking a break* rather than being a long-dist relationship.
I got pretty crazy after she left and led to a very hurtful blog. I said she was always being cheated on with another girl I had and I described situations.
I had some indiscretions that would be cheating in her books, but she never knew about them and the girls didn't matter at all. Then, after breakup, I went into rebound of full-on double dating. I wish I could take it all back just to get her back.
She got into a relationship soon after and is happy with him since like 16 months. I have been in and out of a few relationships since then. We don't talk- after the blog and later, an incident of another girl telling her that I cheated her.
I just think about her when I am alone. I want it to stop. Or, should I pursue this *love*.
TL;DR: | Been more than a year since break-up of a 6 months relationship, but I can't forget her even though we don't talk. |
SUBREDDIT: r/jobs
TITLE: Interview Follow up Help
POST: Hey Reddit,
I have a quick question for you all. I applied for a research job about two months ago went through the interview process and passed.
However, due to the recent budget cuts and the fact that it is a government job, my resume needed to be approved by the chief before being hired.
After my last interview I was told by the staff scientist hiring me that I would hear back soon. Two weeks ago I emailed him asking to follow up (three weeks after the last interview) on the process and whether or not there was enough funds to bring me into the lab. However, he didn't email me back. This staff scientist has a lot on his hands and kind of forgets things all the time ( he missed my first phone interview because he forgot about it, and forgot to reply to one of my earlier emials as well).
I need to know about the status of this job since if i'm not hired i need to look at other options. How do I politely remind him that I need an update on this position?
TL;DR: | I emailed about a job update two weeks ago, the staff scientist didn't respond. How do i politely remind him again? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: [Update] My [24M] new girlfriend [21F] lied to me about using protection with other guys
POST: First post here:
I'm a little surprised that she found out about this post since it was downvoted and buried in this subreddit, but I guess I shouldn't. She's a pretty avid redditor. She'll 100% find this post too.
She called me to talk about it. She admitted that she had unprotected sex that night. She then told me she also had unprotected sex with another guy as well (I assumed that one was fine, I was wrong)
I didn't want to believe this was true. Although I had evidence, her admitting it this was just another level of reality, like this is now 100% fact and there's no denying it. (I'm also stupid for not cutting it off when she fucked other people drunk. I really should have known better.)
She said she didn't tell me because she loved me too much and didn't want to lose me. I believe this. She's had problems with losing close friends before and I can see how she's somewhat of a people pleaser to make sure others will like her. She was afraid I'd leave her too.
I decided that the first thing I need to do is to build a life without her. I honestly don't think she did any of this maliciously, but there's something to be said about the fact that she's had drunk, unprotected sex with multiple men and lied to me about it. I really want to believe she can change, because she's awesome in so many other ways.
We're taking a break, because honestly I'm tired of shit like this and I don't need a pet project. I want a girl who has her shit together and someone I can be inspired by and admire.
To her credit, she's been really remorseful about it and she seems really committed to be a better person (I believe this). She's already done a few things I asked. Still, in the back of my mind I wonder if it's really worth it to date a girl who does these things. This isn't a careless "oops I left the stove on" accident; this was deliberate, conscious, and repeated. There are tons of other girls who don't pull this shit.
TL;DR: | Girl is also a redditor, found out about my post. Confronted me about her past; apparently she also had unprotected sex with another guy. We're on a break. **Should I give her a chance?** |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: [23 F] with my long distance boyfriend [21 M]. I don't know what to do...
POST: Throwaway because he knows my reddit name.
I haven't fallen this hard this rapidly since my ex-boyfriend who happened to pass in a car accident. I've never been one to say "I love you" a whole lot, but it seems like that's all I want to say to my boyfriend. We've only been 'official' about a month, but we've been seeing each other since about midsummer and neither of us have wanted to be with anybody except each other. We got fairly serious pretty fast, which is also something I don't normally do, and I'm not sure how to bring this up. I also know that he has never told anybody he loves them before, but based on the statements he's made when we talk I really feel like he wants to say it also. (He actually introduced me to his parents the third time we hung out. He's only really introduced two other girlfriends to them, and he introduced us before we were really even together.)
I guess what I'm trying to say is how do I go about telling him that I love him? It's something that I know I want to say in person for the first time, but being in a long distance relationship makes that difficult because I don't exactly see him all the time... Especially since this isn't his normal relationship. I don't want to say something and make him uncomfortable.
Any advice on how to go about this would be greatly appreciated. I just feel stuck right now between my emotions telling me what I want to say and my brain telling me not to rush things. (Even though that doesn't always matter.)
TL;DR: | I've fallen in love with my long distance boyfriend and am not sure how to bring this up not in person because I don't want to wait to tell him how I feel. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [22f] Boyfriend [22m] is Mad at Me for Throwing him Surprise Party
POST: My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly 2 years, he has social anxiety which has caused him to be pretty introverted. His birthday was last weekend and he didn't have any plans, so I arranged a get together with some friends. He doesn't drink or like being around drugs, so it wasn't anything crazy. It was about 20 of our friends and he seemed to have had a great time, until after everyone left he told me how it gave him really bad anxiety and he wishes I didn't do it. I felt so bad about this that I wanted to cry.
He's been dealing with social anxiety for years and I know that he feels awkward being the center of attention in social situations but I thought on his birthday it would be alright. He mentioned afterwards that he's told me before that he would never want a surprise party, but that was almost 2 years ago and I thought that he would be fine with it. And now I feel really bad about it and I'm not sure how I can make things better.
TL;DR: | I threw my boyfriend a small surprise birthday party and it gave him anxiety, I thought I was doing him a favor but he is upset with me for doing it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [33 F] caught my husband [35 M] of 8 years posting a M2F ad on craigslist while on a business trip
POST: I desperately need help and advice with no one to turn to...
Husband/SO (35M) and I (33F) married for 8 years, together 13 years. We have a 3 year old daughter and a one year old son.
SO is often on business trips abroad (about 2 weeks every 2 months).
His email is the default in our browser and I'm often too lazy to switch to mine.
That's how I found out.
He put up an ad on Craigslist about how he's lonely in a hotel and wants sexual partners.
He got a reply from a woman, answered back and she hasn't responded (so I'm guessing nothing happened yet).
This made me reflect on myself and our relationship - in plain words, I've let myself go after my first child. I'm talking about gaining about 35 pounds.
I'm aware that I don't look as good as when we got married.
Also, the kids were a significant change in our lives. 95% of our conversations revolve around the children or every day errands.
In addition, due to sleeping problems with our daughter (and again, our laziness, I know), we haven't been sleeping in the same bed for a year (SO sleeps with daughter, i sleep in guestroom).
However, we hardly never fight and have (what i consider) good sex once a week.
I have no idea what to do.
Should I confront him? how? Maybe it was a one time thing (I did found out about it in just a few hours) and I should just let it go?
TL;DR: | Husband posted M2F ad while on a business trip, it made me think our relationship isn't solid at all. Don't know what to do. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My bestfriend [F/19] is acting crazy, because I [M/20] won't show her my Reddit post about her, help?
POST: (Sorry if there's any mistakes I'm on my phone)
Alright, yesterday I made a Reddit post about her to see if the way she acted around me resulted to her being into me. A few hours after I made the post I headed over to her house to hang out for a few days. When I got there I started to reply to people from my phone, she looked over and asked what I was doing. I told her I was just on Reddit and got out of the app. She asked me what the post was about, I told her it wasn't a big deal, but she kept asking. When eventually got into an argument and she ignored me until the morning. We made up via snowball down my shirt. After that we started hanging out until she brought it up again. I kept asking her why it was such a big deal, to which she responded "it's just how I am" now we're back to her ignoring me. How can I solve this?
TL;DR: | Bestfriend is going crazy, because I won't show her my Reddit post (that's about her) now she's ignoring me until I show it to her. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Is it wrong for me[27/M] to look at porn once I marry my [26/F] fiancee?
POST: My fiancee and I are in disagreement. She says that while we are not married, it is OK for me to use porn. Once we are married, she says that behavior is unacceptable. I told her that I don't plan on using it when she is home, only when she goes on vacation (such as visiting her mother for a week). She pointed out several Yahoo! answers that agreed with her belief that porn causes marital strife. I pointed out that many of the situations referenced contained lying to your spouse, addiction, use of pornography to avoid intimacy, and those were much more serious issues.
I do respect her boundaries, and I won't go behind her back on the issue, but I'd really like to know if other couples follow the same rules.
TL;DR: | fiancee says porn is wrong after marriage, I say it is OK as long is there is no lying, hiding, replacing intimacy, who is right? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: My girlfriend (18 f) and I (18 m) broke up before college a month ago and now I'm second guessing myself
POST: We'd been dating for a little over a year and a half. Initially neither of us wanted to do a long distance relationship and we both wanted to have a "full college experience." Nothing was wrong with our relationship, in fact it was wonderful. But anyways, we set a date that would give us some time to recover from the breakup before I left for college, as she's going to college in our hometown.
Looking at the decision now, I can't help feeling like we didn't talk about all of our options such as taking a break for the first year, or having an open relationship, etc. I'm currently thinking that the best thing to do would be to just not do anything about it for the first year and if we both end being single when I come back home for the summer, then I would ask her to go on a date and see what goes from there. That way, we both get a chance to explore without feeling tied to each other. However, with this I'm really worried that she might end up meeting someone new and that I'll lose her forever.
So should I talk to her about it, not talk to her about it and see what happens, or just not even consider getting back together? I'm at a bit of a loss here and would really appreciate some advice. I love her, and while I know that there's so many other people out there, she's absolutely incredible.
TL;DR: | Girlfriend and I broke up for college, now I don't know if it's truly what I wanted to do. Don't know if I should talk to her about it, wait a while, or what |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [20 M] with my [18 or 19 F] crush, does she seem at interested? Here is an email chain.
POST: I like this girl in a big organization I am in on campus. She is kind of quiet, and I only have her email. I sent her an email, and she luckily did end up responding after a while.
Do you think she is at all interested or just being nice?
_______________________________
Me: Hey _____,
I didn't get a chance to really talk with you at the meeting tonight. Want to get coffee or something sometime?
-----
Her: Hey ____,
I am sorry I didn't see your message till now, I have been slacking on checking my email lately. Maybe we could get starbucks after the ___ meeting Monday!
---
Me: Yeah, Monday after the meeting sounds great!
However, I believe Monday directly after the meeting is an ___ Homecoming event. I am fine missing it, but if you want to stay for that, can we schedule a different time?
Also, my number is 555-555-5555 if you want to text or call.
----
Her: I forgot about the homecoming event. Let's see what time it's over and if there's time we can go afterwards.
-----
She doesn't seem super excited or anything, but then on the other hand, she did agree. I just want to make sure I do indeed meet 1 on 1 with her even if it can't be tomorrow.
TL;DR: | Is she interested based on her responses? I am worried the event might end too late. I want to make sure to reschedule and be clear if it doesn't happen tomorrow night. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me 31 [M] with my 26 [F] 10 years....I am gone
POST: Tonight I am going to bed like normal but tomorrow I am gone. While my wife is at work I am packing my clothes and going to rent a hotel. I am taking her off all of my accounts and changing my phone number. I will never willingly speak to her again. The last thing she said to me is this is now an open relationship whether I like it or not. I've let her run me over and beat me down to where I do not even recgonize myself. When she said she wanted to open the relationship so she could find someone to make her happy I actually entertained the idea. When she said I have to pay all of the bills (94% of my paycheck, just did the math) while she pockets hers I actually accepted it. Today is the last time she will yell at me in front of our kids. The last time she will call me names in front of our kids. I will not live life like this anymore. The only thing that really hurts is our kids may never understand. But there is nothing I can do. If I break for the kids (as I have so many times before) she will win again. She has a trump card. I actually love her for some damn reason and my heart melts even while my brain screams. She has my kids and will not hesitate to use them against me. This is the only way I can get out of this. If I buckle even the slightest we will be right back at it. What will fuck them up more? Watching mommy and daddy scream at each other every other day or dad abandoning them? No matter what I failed them already.
TL;DR: | I am leaving my family. I don't think you can say anything I haven't thought of but I am listening. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Dating: Big Date vs new Cancer Diagnosis. Woman I like(F:unsure), and I (M47) have had a few friendly dates & flirted. I'm invited for dinner and suspect we're about to get physical. Unfortunately, I just received a cancer diagnosis. Caught early and highly treatable. When to tell?
POST: When we met she was dating someone, but I thought to myself, she and I would probably be a good fit.
When she was free, I had someone I am seeing.
(I prefer monogamy.)
We're both single now and I'm pretty sure the attraction is mutual. We've had some casual friendly dates and she has invited me to her home for dinner and a movie.
The same day I accepted I got the diagnosis. This is really new news for me.
I prefer to be really upfront and not hide things. I'm not even good about keeping my mouth shut about important stuff. In this case, though, I'd prefer not to discuss until I know more. I don't want her to be put off, by the thought that dating me is immediately turning serious ('by the way, you're signing on for this....') rather than the fun, I expect (and plan) for us to have together.
So, my questions are:
Do I have an ethical obligation to mention it, at least a little before we get physical or talk about seriously dating?
TL;DR: | Caught the (probably not going to kill me) cancer and a romantic invite together. Feel weird about not telling, but don't want to mention it yet. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: 31M still burdened with the fallout from breaking off my engagement with a 7yr SO
POST: I'm not sure if this personal related or break up related. I could really get in to detail but, I just want to know how other people have coped and how long they took to get their head back in it. Bottom line I'm losing my mind with anxiety when I sit home alone and try to relax. I've made new friends, new hobbies and in great shape but...
I just can't conquer this sitting home alone thing. I get really anxious and it's only when I'm alone. I start really missing having someone around to put my arms around, talk to, make laugh or...just having some one around.
I've tried the online dating. and I've met some very beautiful girls and even developed a fun relationship with one. It was great but when push came to shove I missed the monogamy and I needed someone I can feel safe with. Which is where my problem begins.
I'm having an increasingly harder time approaching women. Yeah I fear rejection a bit but, I'm more worried about getting mixed up with the wrong type of girl. I know this is the wrong attitude but, breakups suck! I've never hurt someone like I did with my ex telling her she wasn't the girl I wanted to marry. Had to have the conversation twice and the first time ended up with me buying a ring...WTF!?!? I never want to do something so awful again!
I've started locking up period now when it comes to initializing anything past friends with a girl. This has me very worried and I'm becoming frustrated with myself and I feel my self esteem fleeting...
TL;DR: | It's time for me to move on but I'm stuck and having a really hard time starting new relationships. Would be nice to hear some outside perspective on this experience. |
SUBREDDIT: r/books
TITLE: Thinking of a fantasy book series I read as a child but can't remember the name of.
POST: So the series involves wizards, and follows a single protagonist character. In the first book, it deals with his training. Eventually he reads a book (or spell or something) and it causes a shadow creature to materialize and pursue him, to try and kill him. He can never run away from the being so he is sent to a tower (owned by the wizards) where he spends years studying.
Eventually he decides that he's not going to spend his life in a tower so he leaves and is once again pursued by the shadow being. Eventually (can't quite remember) he is able to destroy/stop it by saying its name, which is also his name (or something like that).
Book two involves a kingdom that takes a young girl (against her will) to be trained to rule the kingdom or something. There are crypts in the kingdom that are full of the shadow beasts from Book 1. The protagonist is there (he can deal with the shadow beasts now) and helps save the girl... Pretty shaky on the details of Book 2
TL;DR: | Wizard is trained and summons a shadow beast that chases him. Eventually stops the beast by calling its name; which is also his own name (or something) |
SUBREDDIT: r/offmychest
TITLE: Stepmother not-so-secretly wants me gone.
POST: Ever since I turned 18 and started college, she's been pretty vocal about throwing me out at 20. I got a part-time job (in which I only work three times a week) and opened up a savings account in which I locked for 4 years and have it set to take out $50 biweekly from my paycheck. My father is pretty proud of me and knows that I'm doing well in regards to my job and school.
However, my stepmom keeps hounding me about my money, going as far as asking to check what's in my bank account. She even insisted that I get a SECOND job because "I'm not making enough". When my father, stepmom, and I got into an argument about the issue, she backtracks and claims that she "never said I had to move out at 20" and that "she doesn't wanna hear anything about my collegework."
Luckily I have my father on my side, but I honestly don't know what to do about this lady. I'm barely even home anymore and I try to stay out of her way when she is home, though I do try to ask her about her day and stuff. We do occasionally get into disputes, usually about the topic I'm speaking about here.
TL;DR: | Stepmother wants me to move out super early despite that fact that I have a part-time job and still go to college. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [29f] have completely changed and my boyfriend [28m] of 8 years just doesn't understand my new needs. Am I wrong?
POST: I am a 29 female.
My boyfriend, Daniel, is 28. He works a lot and has been out of town for almost three months now. I have no issue with the trip in question and he doesn't often go on these sorts of things. But he agreed to do it this time.
While he was gone, my sister [24f] [Erika] asked me to start walking with her. She has been staying in my house while her apartment gets ready to move into. She has been teaching me some new recipes. We were both about 10 pounds overweight and have really been trying to lose the weight together. With Daniel gone, I actually managed to drop about 15lbs through working out, lifting, eating right, and walking (with Erika).
I guess going to the gym and changing how I ate really made me realize how stagnant my life has become. I have had the same hairstyle since 2011 because Daniel liked it. I have not gotten new clothes in a while because Daniel thinks *we* need to save up for an apartment together. Everything is because Daniel likes it and Erika helped me realize I *don't like it.*
I have been going to therapy and talking it out. I just don't know if I am being realistic or not. 8 years is a long time to throw away because my boyfriend hates when I dye my hair or change up furniture in my house.
The big issue is: I hate the way Daniel just stays the same while the rest of the world changes.
I was offered a job with a friend of mine and I want to take it. But it would mean having to move an hour away, to a new place, and I don't know if I want to bring Daniel with me. Or even work on it. I guess I don't know if this is just me panicking because I am almost 30, or if I really just need to change up my life because we are stagnant?
Advice is welcome. Am I wrong?
TL;DR: | I [29f] have completely changed and my boyfriend [28m] of 8 years just doesn't understand my new needs. Am I wrong? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Reddit - I'm not going to lie to you
POST: I'm not going to make up some false story about my father dying of terminal cancer; I'm not going to tell you that this was the only sporting event we've ever been to; I'm not going to tell you that this was the last picture ever taken of my father and I.
I'm going to tell you the truth: I rarely ever see my father. I moved away a little while ago so I could pursue a job in my future career - a nice little branching off point. When I went home to visit him for Christmas, I surprised him with some tickets to the last Redskins game of the season.
Despite the fact that the Redskins lost, it was below freezing, it was raining, we were in the nosebleed section, and the hot cocoa only kept us warm for 5 minutes...we still had an amazing time.
So I'm asking for a favor. I'm not what you would call, "technically inclined." I have no experience with photoshop, or gimp, or any other image-enhancing programs. I'm kindly asking if someone could remove that shadow from in front of my fathers face while still keeping his skin complexion in unison with the rest of his face.
My family has never taken pictures. And I just got my father his first digital camera last summer when he went on a cruise. It would just mean so much to me if someone had the free time to be able to fix this photo up so I could get it developed and placed in my room.
TL;DR: | I moved out of my parents a little while ago and this is the only picture I have of my father and I. Can someone please remove the shadow from in-front of his face? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: Could use some insight. Never asked for relationship advice before.
POST: I'm 30 years old and have been with my girlfriend (lets call her Jane) for about 5 months now. She likes me much more than I like her. In fact, she's in love with me. We don't have a lot in common and our intelligence levels are separated by a wide margin, still, she is an awesome person and has her crap together better than anyone her age (she is 26). The last 2 women I was with, were beautiful and I fell in love with them relatively quickly. There was an overwhelming "WOW" factor with them. But I put so much time and effort into those two relationships only to have them backfire and end in heartache so I vowed to focus on myself and do the things I want and need to do. I believe Jane balances me out and could be a great partner to have in life but there just isn't that "WOW". I know if I broke it off with her, she would be really hurt and I would also lose a potential asset to my life. Should I just back off for a bit to see if I develop stronger feelings or just cut ties before I get deeper into something that I may not really want? Again, logically, she is a great addition to my life but emotionally, I feel withdrawn. Any advice is greatly appreciated.
TL;DR: | Girlfriend of 5 months wants more than I do and is falling in love quickly. Could potentially be someone who keeps my life in order but I lack the emotional connection she has developed. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [21 F] with boyfriend of almost two months [24 M] I put in all the effort so far and he doesn't seem to want to try.
POST: So background info:
Beginning of May, my friends set me up with one of their guy friends. We talked for awhile over text before planning a date. The date went well and we continued to see each other up to now.
The problem:
Since this all started, it just seems like he won't put any effort forward with building a relationship with me. We both agreed that's what we wanted to do, but he doesn't really do anything. I always have to ask to seem him, he has never asked and on top of that he has a busy schedule and is constantly working so I'm always having to ask unless I miss a chance to see him. Sometimes he'll get back around a normal time, but even still he has never asked me over.
Over text, he doesn't flirt with me and always gives me very short answers. I always try to put in an effort and call him handsome or sexy or try to flirt with him to get a reaction which never works. He says he likes me and when we're together we goof around and have great sex (he's only initiated twice though this whole time).
This whole thing has been giving me insane amounts of anxiety because I can't tell if he genuinely likes me or not. Last night I sent him a text asking what he thinks about me and he said he's not sure yet and still working on it. He said he's been in a lot of bad relationships and told me that he thinks I'll end up hating him. I think his pessimism is getting in the way of us forming any kind of relationship at all but I haven't told him that Guys I like him and I really want this to work out but he's giving me nothing here. Do I try to talk to him or is this a lost cause?
TL;DR: | New boyfriend never asks to see me, never texts me anything sweet, and doesn't flirt with me. Says he likes me but I feel like I'm all alone in this relationship. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My (26F) Mom (61F) says she can't trust me because I lied about sharing a bedroom with my fiance.
POST: I'm getting married in 4 months. My fiance and I have been together for 7.5 years. My fiance and I bought a house last month. My parents are very strict Christians. My mother has always made judgemental remarks about her friends children who "live in sin" before marriage. My fiance and I are also both Christians, but we are very relaxed in our faith, and don't hold anything against how other people want to live their lives.
My parents have always disapproved our relationship, and before we closed on the house, my mom said "He's not going to live there too is he?" And I told her, "Well we may sleep in separate bedrooms" and didn't say much else.
Well we moved all our things in together, and decided, what the heck, lets buy a king sized bed and sell our old furniture. We had a housewarming party last weekend, and when my parents came, that's when she found out he was selling his bedset. She didn't act upset at the party.
I called her today to wish her a happy birthday, and she launched into "You lied to me, You've been lying for a long time, I can't trust you anymore, I'm crushed, you said you wouldn't be sleeping in the same bed" I told her, "We changed our minds and bought a bigger bed, I'm sorry you're upset, I hope you have a good weekend and I guess I'll talk to you later"
Well, the truth is, I have been lying to her for a long time, because it was easier for me to lie than deal with her judgement about my fiance, or how I like to go out to bars and drink long islands, etc.
I do feel bad about all the lying, but I don't feel bad about my lifestyle because I've been really happy with the way my life is going.
Should I try to patch things up with my mom or just leave her alone for a while?
TL;DR: | I've been lying to my mom for years to escape her judgmental nature. It finally came out that my fiance and I are sharing a bedroom and she's hurt. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I'm[23M] living with my ex girlfriend [22F] and she still behaves very "friendly" towards me...
POST: Basically, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me around Christmas, after moving in with me. I offered for her to stay because I knew she didn't have anywhere to go and her car was busted.
I've done many things to make her feel comfortable and to make her happy...probably way more than an ex boyfriend should ever do. She's been very friendly towards me the last few weeks. We've gone out, watched movies, dinners, hang out at home...pretty much everything that a couple does. Recently, is gotten to the point where she's wanted to have sex...and we've done it. I know, not a good idea.
At first I was enjoying this but now a month in, I realize that she's basically getting to date me without giving us the title or me the commitment. It's not fair. I've thought about this enough that my feelings for her are slowly starting to fade away and I'm beginning to resent her, which I don't want happening.
I don't want this going on much longer. Should I confront her and ask her to give us another chance? Should I tell her we need to stop being so friendly?
Her moving out is still out of the question, atleast for a few more months.
#
TL;DR: | Girlfriend broke up with me, still lives with me. Very friendly and we're dating without the title or commitment. Sex has resumed. Doesn't feel right, what to do. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [17 M] and my friend [17 F] have a really good friendship going and I want to move forward and ask her on a date but her ex is in the way.
POST: So me [17 M] and my friend [17 F] have been talking and just being good friends for a few months now, we went to homecoming together as friends and I have just recently started to think about asking her on a date, but there is a problem.
She and her ex [17 M] aren't having troubles exactly but I think she is starting to like him again and all I know about him is his name and that they dated for a year or so.
So my problem is how I go about these feeling I have for her. Do I try to ask her now and face good odds of getting rejected, wait for the odds to get better, or just forget about this and move on to someone else (but still be friends because I don't want to be the jerk who ignores girls he doesn't get).
TL;DR: | I [17 M] am have feelings for my friend [17 F] who may be falling for her ex [17 M] again, should I; ask her out now, wait then ask, move on. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Do you think there is something going on? Should I do anything about it?
POST: So my best friend got dumped by his girlfriend, yesterday morning. (They'd been together six months) and for the duration of their relationship Owen (my bf) was jealous of the friendship that Joe (the guy in question) and Erica (his ex gf) had. Joe obviously had feelings for Erica, buying her chocolates and going to her house a lot.
Today when I went into town, I saw Erica sitting with Joe having coffee - it looked a lot like a date. I acknowledged them and kept walking and afterwards joe sent me this text:
"Hey (OP) , I just want to explain what you saw. I was speaking to Erica earlier and she said she was feeling worse, and asked if she could accompany me on my walk, I said yes in the hopes to cheer her up and we were having a conversation so decided to continue with a coffee. There is nothing more to it than that, please don't make a big deal of it"
Problem is Joe is friends with Owen and the four of us, plus 10 others are going on a group holiday... Owen is really heartbroken, he really loved Erica...
Do you think something is going on? What should I do?
TL;DR: | A mutual friend of mine and my best friend is getting very close to my bfs ex. I saw them having coffee and he texted me to try and cover up. They only broke up yesterday. What should I do about it? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Gf [21f] wants to go on a trip to Europe with her male best friend [25m] and I'm [24m] not ok with it. Am I being too possessive?
POST: Throwaway here.
My girlfriend and I have been dating for two years, we met when she was 19. She's a really, really cool and nice person and I just love her so much. We have an awesome relationship.
I'm not a jealous person at all. We both have a great communication so it would be kind of pointless to be jealous about her - she's not going anywhere on me. She feels the same way. It's all good.
She has known this guy since she was 14 and he was 18, so they've been friends for a long time. I don't know if this is relevant, but he is bisexual - the majority of her friends are gay. She met them at the same time so they're all friends and it's a cool thing. She's friends with a straight guy but it doesn't bother me because he has a girlfriend and I know what she feels for him is different than what she feels for me. It's fine.
The problem is, she decided to go on a trip to Europe with him. I know they're super close and it makes me upset, so I tried to discuss it with her and tell her I'm not happy about it. She told me she understood how I felt but they rarely see each other and she couldn't just cancel the trip, it would be selfish of her.
I'm still feeling weird about it. Do you guys think I'm being possessive?
TL;DR: | gf is going on a trip to Europe with her male best friend, I told her I didn't like it and she still wants to go. |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by looking at pictures on my laptop
POST: TIFU by finding some pictures I don't think I was supposed to see on my laptop.
Throwaway account here, but my Fiancee and I have been together for 3 and a half years and have the most adorable 20 month old daughter in the entire world. To say that I love my girls more than anything would be an enormous understatement. We've had a wonderful relationship thus far, and I have never suspected anything out of the ordinary from her.
Several days ago I had her transfer some pictures of our daughter from her Iphone to my laptop to send to some of our family members.
Earlier today, I opened up Itunes and began to see which pictures I wanted to send. There were plenty of good ones of our daughter and of the three of us. Hell, I thought I had hit the jackpot when I discovered some nudes and various other sexy photos that she had never sent to me. However, I soon became suspicious when I noticed several saved snapchats of her in some sexy lingerie that she had not sent to me either. She must have been completely unaware that she had synced her entire photo gallery.
From there things got even worse. I found some nudes of her (obviously sent to some other random dudes), and even screenshots of several of the guys responses ("I like your ass lol." "Wish I lived close enough to meet you lol.")
I feel completely blindsided and betrayed. I work 40+ hours a week so that she can stay home to raise our kid, and this is what I receive in return. I have yet to confront her about what I saw, but plan on it once she gets off of work.
TL;DR: | Fiancee transferred pictures to my laptop from her Iphone. Found sexy snapchat screenshots of her, and replies from guys she had sent them to. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [24 M] with my professor [35 M], working for the past year, I'm getting screwed out of co-authorship
POST: This is really sensitive work, so I am being as vague as possible.
I am a full time researcher at a major research university. Recently, the professor I work for obtained a new, never before seen data set. This data set is very groundbreaking and I have no doubt our analysis will make national news.
I, and I alone, was assigned to work with this data set from the very start of the project. As a researcher, I produce all the statistical analysis. That means I do all the coding and produce the analytical output. This really is the bulk of all the work. Every figure, table, and description was produced from my code. I went into this project believing co-authorship on the paper was implied. After all, I probably put in about 600 hours to the professor's 200.
Recently, over the phone, my professor made it sound like I wouldn't be getting co-authorship on this paper. He said we could do a more in depth analysis of the current data for the next project, and publish that together. It definitely sounded like that would be the consolation for not getting my name on this current paper, which should be submitted soon.
I'm really bummed because I've grown very attached to this project and my work. I put in tons and tons of overtime even though I don't get paid for it, mainly because I expected to be a co-author, so I didn't mind.
I really want to approach my professor but I don't know how. He could easily shut me down and there's nothing I can do about it. Authorship is a very sensitive area in academia. I also need a very good rec from him for grad school, so I don't want to put any strain on our relationship. What is the best way to go about approaching this?
TL;DR: | I expected to be a coauthor on a paper I put in the majority of work for, but now it seems like I won't get that |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [20F] boyfriend [20M] is trying to get me to watch a movie
POST: I know the title sounds silly, but it will make sense. We've been dating 3 years and we live apart. We have very different hobbies, I like cooking and organising and he enjoys movies and video games. I am also sensitive when it comes to movies/TV, I can't watch anything other than kids shows usually. Some are okay, like some superhero movies (e.g. Avengers) but others are not. Sometimes I may even panic or cry.
Well, recently my boyfriend has become obsessed with this one movie. It's his favourite, but I dislike it. I don't want to give it away, but it's based off of a comic book series and is considered really good. It has romance and comedy, but I don't like romance and it's not my type of comedy, and I really hate some of the actors in it. I don't want to watch this movie, I respect that he likes it, but it's not for me.
However, he has been mentioning it for 3 days now, and I'm getting a little tired. It started with him talking about how much he loves movies, then trying to convince me to watch it, then saying stuff like "when we're 50 it'll be a classic and you'll watch it with me". But I don't want to, I'm not comfortable with it and I wish he would respect that. He also tried to show me a clip of his favourite movie, which is a really dark and violent film, and I got scared because there was blood and stuff. He knows I'm sensitive to that, yet he showed me anyway, and when I told him I wasn't going to watch any more of the video he got annoyed at me.
Should I just watch this movie to make him happy, even if I hate it? Am I wrong? I know it's just a movie, but I'm not comfortable with it. What do I do?
TL;DR: | Boyfriend keeps asking me to watch a movie I don't like, how do I put my foot down and make him realise that I don't want to do it? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My LD bf (21m) is uncertain about me (22f) living in the same town as him next year
POST: I have been lurking for a couple months and this is my first post.
We have been dating for 5 years now. Currently we are both attending college. I will be graduating this May and because of this I am searching for a job. However, he will not be graduating this May and will be in school for one more year. I have been considering jobs in various locations as well as the city that my boyfriend goes to school in. I didn't think it would be a big deal since we have dated for so long and he even asked me to move in with him last summer. That did not work out since it would of been for a short time and money was also an issue. However, my boyfriend seems very uncomfortable with this. He has told me this is due to not wanting to grow up or feeling that he will not act properly for such a relationship. I have made it clear to him that I don't expect us to live together or see each other everyday, but just me living in the same town causes concern to him. I know he has a right to feel this, but I am not sure if I should be concerned myself. We have been dating for a decent amount of time and have been serious about each other. At least I thought we were a serious couple, but now I am not so sure. Should I take this as a sign that perhaps he is not as serious about the relationship as I am?
TL;DR: | I am considering moving to the city my LD bf of 5 years is living in, but he seems worried about me living in the same town as him. Should I be concerned about this? |
SUBREDDIT: r/personalfinance
TITLE: Need a car relatively soon. First-time (relatively broke) buyer. [26f] Not sure of the best way to go about where to buy, loans, financing, payments, etc.
POST: I moved cross country at the end of January in order to be closer to my boyfriend. Prior to the move I lived in the DC area. I had a car when I moved out there (3 years ago) but a friend wrecked it while borrowing it & it got junked. My mom was making the payments on it & I was paying for insurance. We were both pretty happy to get rid of it & get out of making payments on it. I didn't need a car at the time (yay public transport!) so I wasn't butthurt about it at all.
Fast forward to now. I now live in Colorado. There is public transit but it's not very reliable. Boyfriend & I have been talking about getting a car for me, which is going to eventually be necessary, but I've had a hard time finding a full-time job. Boyfriend has a full-time job, I have two part-time jobs, & the car situation has been working out. I recently sought out a staffing agency so that I can hopefully find a job asap. I just got off the phone with one of the recruiters & she has a potential job that could start as early as Monday. The only issue would be the car situation. I would be working 8am-5pm while my boyfriend's job is 7:30am-3pm.
I realize I probably wouldn't be able to get a car loan approved that soon (over the weekend) & I have no real experience buying a car or anything similar. Boyfriend & I both have relatively good credit but we don't have a lot of money & have some credit card debt.
What would be the best bet for me? Obviously I would be looking to get a relatively inexpensive used car that I could get a few years out of at least. How would/should I go about getting an auto loan, financing, insurance, etc? Do you have any helpful tips or warnings for me?
I appreciate any advice you can give! Thanks!!!
TL;DR: | 26f, total noob to the car scene. Need tips on best places to buy, auto loans, financing, insurance, etc. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I (23F) am struggling not to emotionally overburden my (28M) SO
POST: A few weeks ago, I was attacked outside my house. The guy ran off when I fought back, and I am uninjured, but it was a pretty upsetting incident, and I haven't totally been myself since it occurred.
My boy was at my house within minutes, helped me deal with the police &c. He stayed with me for a day, and was really helpful during that.
But we haven't talked much since then, and we were talking last night, and I noticed him being kind of passive aggressive. I asked him what was up, and he expressed feeling like 'he wasn't allowed to speak up'. I put on my patience face and attempted to pull what was wrong out of him, asked why he was upset, and managed to figure out that it was to do with the incident stated above.
When questioned on what about that was upsetting him, he proceeded to go on a rant criticizing my emotional reaction to things. I found this rather upsetting, and clarified (admittedly a little rudely) 'I asked what was upsetting you, not why I'm wrong'. This upset him a lot, because I had made him feel like he wasn't permitted to speak up-- again-- and I eventually just... lost my temper and started yelling. He hung up on me.
Now I'm really anxious, because I'm still feeling really emotional and vulnerable, and the added stress of him being angry at me is sort of sending me a little backwards in my recovering from what happened. But I worry that I'm placing too much blame on him, which is what he's so upset about in the first place. I'm not sure how to handle this in a way which would be good for both of us.
Um, because relationship length matters, we're... a little over four years, but broke up for six months during that.
TL;DR: | I'm in a fragile state and it's ruining my relationship. I don't know how to fix this short of magically feeling 'better'. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I'm [21F] dating a guy [28 M] with a porn blog. I haven't really dated before and would like different perspectives to help me be more accepting/understanding.
POST: First-time poster, hoping format isn't too horrendous.
I don't want to dwell too much on the 'relationship' side of things, I'm primarily seeking opinions/perspectives on his upkeep of a porn blog.
A guy I've been dating has a porn-dedicated tumblr. I'd like to think I'm open-minded, but coming out of a string of serious, monogamous relationships I wouldn't be surprised if I'm not as open-minded as I should be.
I haven't explored the blog in question very much - only on two occasions when he sent me content, and mostly it was basic porn gifs etc. But every so often he reblogged a candid/selfie of a girl with a caption about them being stunning/beautiful, or replied to an anon's sexual request etc.
This was far earlier in our dating phase, and I haven't looked since.
My main thought about it is that it is essentially a "brand" or perhaps an escape. Less so projecting his personal desires, and more venting his sexual desires.
I'm aware I'm probably naive, and have avoided the blog since as I am terrified that I could get jealous/insecure. I don't like to think I would, but I don't have any understanding of how deep his interactions with other tumblr girls/anons etc go, and once you've seen something, it can't be unseen/forgotten.
I'm sure I'd communicate any issues I might have (as I said, I didn't want this to be about the relationship, more about my feelings towards his outlet), but for now I'm looking for people who might understand and provide insight into how I could handle or justify this in such a way that I can respect what he does and keep it separate from our interactions.
TL;DR: | Guy I'm dating has porn tumblr with frequent reblogs of amatuer girls' photos. Would like to be understanding, perspective/insight on how to view this going forward is very appreciated.* |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [21M] and my ex-gf [Nearly 20F] of 1 year, broke up and she's already with someone else.
POST: So my girlfriend broke up with me, her reasons were kind of clear, but the break up as a whole came as a shock.
She was my first proper relationship and I couldn't have asked for more in a partner, she's perfect for me. I'm just wondering how to get over the fact that I've been replaced in just a couple of weeks?? I mean I had really intense feelings for her for 3 years, she liked me for a long time too and we were so close. I'm trying to just state things rather than go into how I feel in this post, it's hard. I just want some advice I guess to help me get over this.
Sorry if this is the wrong place, I don't post a lot.
TL;DR: | Break up from first real relationship came as a shock. She's with someone else extremely suddenly. Need help to get over it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [F23] boyfriend [M27] doesn't know he was my first relationship
POST: I was a really socially awkward, depressed loner from about middle school up. Looking back I was kinda cute though chubby, but I probably could have pulled it off if I'd had any idea or self-worth. I figured nobody would ever date me, so to lose my virginity at 17 I went out with a notoriously slutty dude from my school (after graduation) and fucked him in a hotel room then blocked him on facebook and never talked to him again.
When I got to college I started lying about a history of relationships and friendships when I was in high school because I found that part of my life so embarrassing. I had some casual sex but no relationships. Now I've been with my boyfriend for almost three years and he has no idea that he was my first relationship or that I lied about so many things to him; especially about my sexual history, but other things too.
The thing is that now you'd have no idea - I'm not conventionally hot but I'm quite pretty (think regina spektor but curvier?) and I make the most of it with confidence and good dress sense and sexual energy. Practically everyone in our group of friends has a crush on me, and I've currently have ongoing sexual/emotional relationships with two gorgeous female friends (SO knows and is semi-involved, no cheating going on).
I still feel so weird about lying though, and I'm still really embarrassed by what my adolescence was actually like. But I lied about enough that I don't think I can come clean at this point. No idea what to do. I guess my question is: do I tell him or not? Do I owe it to him?
TL;DR: | I am a liar liar pants on fire who made up a new history for her adolescence because her real one was lame and humiliating |
SUBREDDIT: r/personalfinance
TITLE: Can I do a home equity loan to get out of IRS mess?
POST: Hoping somebody with the right knowledge can help me out here. Here are the main points of my situation
* I am basically self-employed (a C corporation) and I owe the IRS a hefty sum in back payroll taxes, penalties and interest.
* The same factors that got me in trouble with the IRS have basically reduced my credit score to a smoking pile of ash
* I am married, and my wife has a pretty good credit score
* We own the house we're living in, essentially free and clear
* We own another house (with a mortgage) that we have been unable to sell, so it is currently leased out
Is it feasible to get a home equity loan using the house as collateral to pay off the IRS debt? The amount we would need to borrow would be less than 20% of the value of the home. We make enough money to easily pay off the note, I would just like to get the IRS bastards off my back once and for all.
Thanks in advance.
TL;DR: | Owe the IRS a bunch, my credit sucks, would like to get a home equity loan to pay the bloodsuckers off if possible |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Any good break up advice for this doozy of a situation?
POST: I am a 20y0 Male, and my ex is a recently turned 21yo Male.
I have been dating this guy "Xavier" for a year and nine months. The past few months have been rather hard. We have very different personalities, and we have very different ideas what our future is going to be. Last Sunday, we broke it off. I started the conversation because I had been feeling lonely. He seemed to avoid me. He admitted that he hasn't felt "Anything special" for the past three months and this hurt, because I tried very hard to make him know he was special.
In the past two weeks he came home with hickies from the local gay bar, and he has been flirting with people over Facebook. He said that "I hoped you would find that Facebook conversation." - He later apologized and admitted it was an awful thing to do, and he did it to spite me. We argued over everything because we where so different. I am pretty low maintenance, all I needed was to feel wanted/needed.
If this breakup wasn't hard enough, it had to get harder. Normal breakup advice suggests that I cut all ties. We just signed a 12 month lease, we live in the same house, go to the same job, sleep in the same bed. Hopefully I will be getting a bed soon. I feel so angry and then sad, then I am happy. I think about the past, how he drove 560 miles away from everything he knew to come live with me. I cant accept that its over. I'm having a hard time because I can't escape. I have always been rational, and now I feel like I'm losing my mind. Please help reddit. I'm doing my best to make it, but I feel like I'm spinning my wheels. I did discover that drinking 8 shots of vodka with a vodka sunny D chaser will not fix anything and just leads to sex that you regret. I feel pretty alone.
TL;DR: | I had a bad break up. He does not love me. I love him. He wants to be friends but it hurts. Cant cut ties because we live together, and work together. |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by not being patient to clean my kitty's litter.
POST: One of the things about owning an indoors cat is the need to change the litter box every few days. Usually, every 2-3 days is enough but whenever it starts smelling really bad is when it gets changed.
Anyways, now on to the story.
I was gaming one night with a few friends and my mum called me to change the litter. It is mainly my cat so I have to change the litter, but my dad helps. The way we do it is like so: he holds a bag and I tuck the box in there and dump the litter in. I tie the bag and run to a nearby park which is only a minute walk anyway. When I come back, I add a fresh batch of litter.
I'm one of the kids who doesn't want to be told twice. So my mum tells me to clean the litter. We're not doing much so I tell my friends I'll be gone for a few minutes. I put on my slippers (note this) and get the litter box.
My dad and I work to get the litter in the bag and I go to throw it out. I should also mention that my family usually doesn't have a garbage bin. It's a bit odd, but I don't really mind going for a walk to the park.
I wanted to hurry up to get back to my friends, so I tied the bag and started lightly jogging.
Well, during my jog in my *slippers,* the worst thing happened - I fell. And so did the bag. I fell on my stomach and landed right on the bag, full of dirty litter and about a dozen balls of feces (he shits a lot).
It was the most disgusting thing ever. I got some in my fucking mouth. I came home nearly crying due to how disgusting it was and my parents started to control their laughter (but weren't doing a good job). I went to shower and while I was showering, my dad cleaned the litter on the street and dumped it himself.
My friends don't know, luckily.
TL;DR: | Go jogging in slippers to throw away dirty kitty litter, fall on it and am covered in cat poo. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My (18/f) best friend and i [18/m] like each other but..
POST: I am in love with my best friend , again. I fell for her a year ago and there have been a lot of stuff between her and another guy. Well, i fell for her again. She likes me, well she isnt exactly sure.
I told her yesterday that i had feelings for her. She said she has too.
However there are some issues,
a) i will be going to army for 2 years. Not exactly army, i will be at country , i will be able to go out and such 1 time a week.
b) She might be going to greece for university.
c) We have exams in 2-3 months and she doesnt want anything to happen and us to fail them.
Thats pretty much it. She said she isnt sure, about it and that she doesnt want to raise my hope or anything. She said she doesnt want to make me feel sad or anything, she said that she wants to kiss me but at the same time doesnt because it might be wrong. She loves me, i dont know romantically but when we hug each other her heartbeat gets faster and faster , she is switching between my eyes and my lips. We are acting like a couple even if we are not. Our friends say that we are but we are not. IDK what to do.
She seems to be the only person i can be who i sm, without defenses. She said the same to me. We always go out just the two of us and be all lovy dovy even though we had never said anything to the other bout liking one another.She must be the only person i havent been bored of.
TL;DR: | My best friend and i like each other but we are in a mess and i need some help on how to deal with it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Have a friend, might want more than that?
POST: Alright, so I've (19f) known this guy Hunter (18m) since freshman year of high school, nearly seven years at this point (both of us skipped grades). We were okay with each other for most of it, but he was a bit pretentious and got on my nerves. Plus my long-term hs boyfriend hated him.
Anyway, graduation came and went and I stayed in my hometown for an extra year to save, and six months ago I moved upstate to a college town, coincidentally the one Hunter is in.
It is worth noting that because of my (emotionally abusive, not that that gives me a real reason) ex, I treated this poor guy like absolute garbage for our senior year. He deleted me from facebook once graduation rolled around and I felt like an ass, probably because I was.
Anyway, after over a year of no contact, Hunter and I ran into each other at a concert. We hung out, talked, laughed,and generally just has a good time at the concert. He gave me his number so I could send him pictures from the concert, and we started hanging out. It's been six months since then, and we've been hanging out at his house, smoking, playing video games, watching movies, etc. He asked if I was down to be FWB pretty soon after we started hanging out, and I declined because I don't have sex outside of committed relationships.
Now it's been awhile, we've had some amazing experiences together, and I think I want something more. I don't know how to begin this conversation. He lives with a roommate, Jose, in the same room, and Jose (21m) is *always* around. They're best friends and do everything together.
One last thing, Hunter is Mormon and about to embark on his 2-year mission in a few months. He has no idea where he will be headed and won't know until he gets all his paperwork done.
I need advice, guys. Should I bother? He's leaving and I don't know anything about long distance relationships. If I do, how am I supposed to bring it up? I'm so bad at this.
Thanks in advance, everyone!!
TL;DR: | Met old high school frenemy-turned-good-friend who is leaving for his 2-year mission in a few months. Started developing feelings, don't know what to do with them. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Broke up with my girlfriend, felt wrong, trying to get back with her and some problems
POST: So i broke up with my girlfriend of 2 years i'm 23 shes 20, she is mature for her age and great to be with. the problem, i broke up with her because i thought i didnt want this anymore and in a couple months work is going to take me across country and blah blah blah. But besides that the relationship was great, we were living together and having a decent time. I do have some problems opening up, expressing true emotion (years of raising myself and 4 years in the military) so there was that big problem of I dont care enough to express how i feel etc, etc, etc. but that is stuff that i legitimately want to change to get back with her, because come to realize i do want that, just not the jump to living together. we used to have a nice apartment in san diego, but me getting ready to move my lease was up and I went to stay with a friend until I was moving across country, and thus ended it right there.
So basically we have been separated for 3 months now, and in the last month have been seeing each other a couple times a week and kind of agreed that we would start to fix our relationship and work on it. But today I find her at my buddies house sleeping in the same bed as my friend. obviously a little pissed off, I tell her its fucked that she would do that after we agreed that we were going to start working stuff out, but then she said she didnt sleep with him, I believe her, because she also mentioned that they had slept together but previous of when we started hanging out again.
So i laid it on her that if she was going to give me a chance she isnt going to do shit with that guy, and give me my shot. I think she is going to give it to me, but I caught her in a lie. she told me once actually ended up being twice. i know its not big, but its the little things that keep adding up, and its really hard for me to trust her.
should i even bother?
TL;DR: | broke up with ex, mistake, want to make ammends, been broken up for 3 months, turns out she slept with my friend on a couple of occasions, lied to me about one, is she worth trusting? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: I need some advice
POST: I'm graduating from law school in 4 months, no job prospects. I have one offer to move midwest (big city) where my gf lives and work unpaid after taking my bar exam. It would open doors at least while I work another job to support myself. It would make sense to live with her financially.
My family (indian) is driving me nuts, they refuse to let me go if I live with her, and stay on the east coast. They believe in marriage first, live together after, I do not. They threaten me financially and say we helped you out with school, we will call in our debts if you leave, and don't ask us for help, we will cut you off. They also say theyll remove from inheritance etc...
Financially it makes sense to stay on the east coast, live with family, pass bar, find a job. They only want me to take the bar exam on the east coast.
The problem is my mental health will suffer, I'm athiest, my family is conservative muslim. They don't know I'm athiest and shit will hit the fan when I tell them. If I live with them, they'll help me, but it will always be "we helped you so you owe us, if you leave we are calling in our debts" type of help. They remind me of it all the time. I get so stressed out when I'm around them I can't deal with them anymore. I'm diabetic as well and when I'm with them, I get more sick than not.
What do?
TL;DR: | If I move in with gf, family will cut me off; if I live with them, itll be ok but my mental health will suffer. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: I Just figured out a lot of people in my life do not support gay marriage, I never knew because it just never came up. Thinking that the whole "Modern times of acceptance & tolerance"is just a lie. What things did you think were normal that turned out completely different?
POST: I Just figured out a lot of people in my life do not support gay marriage, I never knew because it just never came up. Thinking that the whole "Modern times of acceptance & tolerance"is just a lie. What things did you think were normal that turned out completely different?
When I asked what one of my friends opinion of gay marriage was, his answer surprised me. What shocked me was that I knew him for about 5 years and he is a really nice guy. What shocked me even more was that when I told other people my "interesting fact I found about ____" Their reaction was mostly "Yea no shit, that's disgusting". I get that they're entitled to their own opinions and this is not a whole "I support gays!!!! Why don't they!?!??!" kind of post, I just thought we were past all this. Am I just living in a intolerant city or has the internet desensitized me about this topic?
TL;DR: | Realized friend is disgusted by homosexuality, asked around, learned the majority of people I know agree. Doubting things I accepted as the norm. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: I need to play something awesome, but I'm on a budget. Any awesome low-cost or free games?
POST: I'm a free to play connoisseur, but I'm running out of cheap and free games to play. I know it sounds sad, but I'm serious. Most free MMOs are Asian-style grindfests or WoW clones, most free to play shooters play like Quake Live or Counter Strike without the community or the balance, and there are only maybe two free RTS games that I know of- so any help would be golden.
Strong player versus player content is a plus but not necessary.
Games I've played recently and liked:
* Guild Wars
* Global Agenda (the recent update killed my framerate or I'd still be playing it)
* Eden Eternal
* Bloodline Champions
* LoL
* HoN
* Dragon's Nest
* Sanctum
* TF2
* King Arthur's Gold
* Dwarf Fortress
* TA: Spring
TL;DR: | Looking for a free-to-play game of just about any genre. No real requirements other than it be fun! |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [20F] cheated on my (now ex) bf [20M] of 1 year. Has been a year since and I don't know how to forgive myself
POST: I had always considered myself to be a kind person. Never thought of myself as selfish, a bitch, or a slut. But it is all too apparent that I am.
Posting this in general just extends my selfishness; the cheater asking for help? Seriously, who does that? I need to get over myself....
Once a cheater, always a cheater, right? There is absolutely nothing in this world that can make up for what I did, and I can't let that go... Telling myself that mistakes happen, that no one is perfect - it all feels like a cop out. Excuses.
He has told me that he forgave me, as we broke up... But of course he was just being kind; we were already breaking up, and he already had his fill of anger with me. I do not, can not, believe that he has actually forgiven me. And even if so, I can't forgive myself.
I cry a lot, apologizing him to him in my pillows. There are nights (infrequent) where I can't sleep at all. I turn to self harm occasionally, which (sadly) makes me feel better (but surprise, not for long). I just feel like a terrible, unforgivable person.
Random details: My ex and I currently do not talk outside of a mundane text, maybe. I had no reason to cheat on him, nothing was wrong with our relationship, he was very great. I was not drunk.
TL;DR: | How do cheaters live with themselves? I don't want to be guilty like this forever, I know it is not healthy. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Do I [23 M] need to loosen up about music, or does my girlfriend [23 F] of 6 months?
POST: Ill start by saying, I love my girlfriend more than any I've ever had...tenfold.
However, being a musician, and very passionate about music, her narrow taste for the "top-pop chart" songs and EDM are taxing, especially with her unwillingness to give a lot of my music even a chance. So, we have very limited overlap in music we like.
I listen to damn near everything, Traditional Irish music, death metal, prog rock, math rock, jazz, funk, blues, a little folk, a little old country, hip hop, even SOME rap, etc. BUT!... EDM and the overplayed top billboard charts kinda drive me nuts. (droning 4/4 [base snare base snare], bass drops and daft/elementary and demeaning lyrics)
Dancing is an issue tied into our differing tastes in music. I don't love to dance, but when music moves me, (primarily funk) I can get down. She however called me lame for not (imo) forcing myself to dance to her music that I don't enjoy. Our limited similarities in music doesn't leave much to dance to.
I feel like I'm holding her back by being reluctant to go to a dance club with her, but I also think that can be spun back around on her and her reluctance to go see some real live music and dance with me.
I know not to expect her to listen to everything (heavy metal and some of the other "out there" music I enjoy) But I can't force myself to start enjoying EDM or most of the radio pop stuff she listens to.
I need advice on finding a happy medium and staying with this girl I love.
TL;DR: | ! My gf doesn't like most of my wide variety of music taste and i don't like her narrow taste of pop and edm. Tips on reaching a halfway point or resolution? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [26/F] just overheard my student [17/F] describe her future plans and I'm scared for her...
POST: Hey guys.
So I'm a high school teacher that mostly teaches Juniors but I have one Senior class. Today were were discussing how to budget for college, look for proper loans, and other basics that they would need to know for college. When they broke into their groups for the activities I overheard a group talking about their college plans/futures.
One girl (we'll call her Violet) was talking about how her whole life she wanted nothing more than to work in marine biology. And she needs to! This girl loves the sea and all the creatures in it! She's very smart, very talented, and an overall joy to have in class. What scared me was the next part of her story. The conversations went like this:
**Girl 1**: So what colleges have you looked at?
**Violet**: Well at first I was looking for schools in Miami, Boca, or Tampa but now since my boyfriend got into a school in Minnesota I'm going to apply there with him and see if they have some sort of starter program or marine program.
WHAT?!?! She's throwing away a good opportunity to start a great marine biology program in a beautiful state for her **BOYFRIEND!?!**
How do I, as an educator, try and shed some guidance as to why this is not the best idea for what she wants to do. Has anyone here ever chosen a school based on their SO? How did that work out for you? I want to see some other possible sides.
TL;DR: | Student who has gushed all year about wanting to become a marine biology major is choosing a college, in the midwest, because her boyfriend got in. How do I talk her out of it!?! |
SUBREDDIT: r/personalfinance
TITLE: Should I trade in my car or pay it off?
POST: So I am trying to decide what to do with my car...
Right now, I have a 2012 VW Jetta TDI that I purchased new in 2012. I have an interest rate of 2.9% over 66 months and have 42 payments remaining (around $10,500 left).
Last year, the car had a complete fuel system failure which resulted in an entire replacement of the system minus the gas tank. Thankfully, it was under warranty, as it would have cost me over $10,000 to repair. Otherwise, the car has had all of its routine maintenance and regular oil changes.
My question is... do I trade in my car with its previous fuel system failure or do I keep paying it off, and maybe purchase an extended warranty for roughly $2000?
I am not in credit card debt and I do have a secure, well paying job for at least another 1/2 year. However, I am getting married soon (the wedding is already paid for) and will be moving to where ever my future husband can land a job once he graduates. I do have a teaching certificate, so I could most likely land a job without a ton of hassle. (I think, I hope).
I'm simply worried about taking the car off and away across the country with it having that previous huge issue, especially if I can get a car or equal or better value for the same payments. Is it worth looking in to? Or should I stick with what I have?
TL;DR: | Is it smart to have a new car when moving across the country, away from friends/family to help out? Or is it dumb to get a new car before moving across the country with unseen expenses lurking? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [29] with my GF[28] duration, I feel she is getting too close to a colleague. Is my jealousy justified?
POST: Hi.
I've know my girlfriend for over ten years now, and have recently started a relationship with her. This is my first major relationship after my previous relationship ended due to her cheating. My current GF knows all about this. We've been together approximately a year and she is amazing! We share the same social group and, while our careers are very different, i feel that we are perfect for each other.
My girlfriend recently started a new job in the field she has aspired to for years (previously worked part time jobs to pay bills.) I am so proud of her for everything she has achieved, and i 100% support her! As i said, our careers our very different. She is more creative, and most of her workmates are women or gay men. I feel its important for her to be close to people who share the same passions, however i feel she has become too close to a certain man she works with. I'm very aware that there are very few elligible straight men who work in her field, and this man is a very dashing one at that, so he could get any girl he wanted in the company - so why is he pushing his way closer to my girlfriend!?
He spends way way way too much time with her - working together over lunches, and going to dinner together to "prepare presentations". Yeah right. Also every time he sees me he says my name wrong, and laughs when i correct him! She just seems oblivious to his blatant flirting with her, and he is pushing their work relationship too far. I think it's only a matter of time before he tries to slip his tongue down her throat.
What shall i do with this? I love my girlfriend very much, i just don't know what to do.
TL;DR: | An attractive male colleuge is getting too close to my GF.how do i set boundries with her, when she doesn't see whats happening? |
SUBREDDIT: r/personalfinance
TITLE: My mom's SSN was put in for mine when I was 16. I'm 25 and now 1/2 of my credit report is my mom's accounts. How do I fix this?!
POST: When I was 16 I opened my first bank account. The guy who did this mixed up my mom's and my own identity (she was a cosigner) because my mom's name is only off by one letter, and our social security numbers differ only in the last number. Now, 1/2 of my credit report is hers. Every time I order my credit report with my SSN, 80% of it is hers, especially for Experian. And one of the credit bureaus shows me as a 58 y/o woman (my mom). Because for the other credit bureaus, I show up as a 25 year old woman with like 100,000 of credit (not used, just available - my mom has excellent credit card practices; silver lining?), I get turned down for almost all credit cards because that's a lot of credit for someone my age. I've only ever missed one CC payment 6 months after I turned 18, so I have otherwise great credit. I've tried to dispute this situation with the credit bureaus before, but because this is such an unusual case, I don't fit into any of the categories in the boxes of problems that people have with their credit. Reddit, what should I do to repair this? Do I have to see a lawyer or something? I'm mostly clueless and would appreciate any help!
TL;DR: | My identity was confused with my mom's 9 years ago and now most of my credit report is my mom's account. How do I fix this? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: When is the right time to ask for a raise?
POST: A little background. I have worked at this job for almost 1 1/2 years. My job requires 24/7 coverage on site and I was thrown into the busiest and most critical shift due to my experience with the critical work performed. The way our schedule works out, I hired in expecting 36 hours on week and 48 hours the next, netting 8 hours of overtime a pay period (every 2 weeks), however, the way the set up the work weeks it cut my pay down to two 42 hour work weeks, taking away around $1,500-2,000 a year less than I was expecting (and promised, albeit verbally.) Of course, management has no recollection of the guarantee.
Recently they started to require only licensed people can do perform the work that I currently do on my shift. The only other licensed guy put in his two week notice today. This leaves me as the only qualified person to do this work and it would cost the company thousands to bring in a contractor to do the work.
Performance evaluations are coming up at the end of February and I'm not sure if I should ask for a raise now with the new requirements just taking effect, or if I should wait for the performance evaluation and try to negotiate one then?
TL;DR: | I'm the only qualified person to perform a task at work, should I ask for a raise now, wait for my performance evaluation, or blow it off altogether? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [26 F] with my roommate [25 F] Roommate having guests over...two of them are babies.
POST: I live with roommates in a 3 bedroom house- my boyfriend and my best friend and her boyfriend. We have a pretty open guest policy as long as we let each other know and discuss a situation if it warrants discussion.
I currently have a friend staying in our third bedroom for a month until she gets her new apartment. (She offered to pay rent but the other roommate didn't want to give her that much "power"). My friend is very quiet, works all day, and generally doesn't get in anyone's way and takes up a very small corner of space for her stuff.
Yesterday my roommate let me know that a mutual college friend (that I'm no longer close with) is coming over for the night, and she's also bringing her mother and her infant and 2 year old.
The day goes on, and my friend, boyfriend, and I stay far away from the living room where all the calamity is. Screaming babies, barking dogs, shit dropping everywhere...the works. Fast forward to 5am this morning and the baby then starts the scream fest that wakes the entire house, and we all have jobs that start at 7:30 or 8am, so we do cherish our hours of sleep.
Now the roommate has informed everyone that the guests want to stay "a few more days" so they can go to the aquarium AND the zoo. 3/4 roommates have a huge problem with this. I should mention that the mom insisted on sleeping on the couch "so she can fall asleep to the tv", pretty much kicking everyone out of the common area at 8pm. The other college friend wanted to take the third bedroom but one roommate put their foot down and refused to kick my friend out so they could monopolize all the space. Then this morning, as soon as the baby started screaming (5am) they cranked up the volume of the TV and started making breakfast, banging around. When we all were leaving for work, they made snarky comments about OH! We must have woken everyone up and the like. Shocking.
Am I wrong for saying that I have a problem with the 4 most imposing guests in the world staying pretty much the entire work week using our house as a free vacation spot?
TL;DR: | Roommate's guests were 2 grown women and 2 babies, were loud, imposing, and rude and now want to stay the full work week when everyone in the house needs to sleep and work. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Fellow short redditors...hows my thinking on this?
POST: I'm a freshman, about to be 15. Shut up about growth spurts, or my most hated term: "shooting up." I'm around five feet tall. For all intents and purposes, we'll assume for the rest of my height growth, it'll be very slow and even, and only a few inches. Now, when I'm an adult I plan to marry a female (I am man, btw, hear me roar) that is my height or shorter. What do you guys think? I mean, if there's a girl out there who's taller, she'd better be pretty freaking awesome in order to make me not care.
My reasons? I care for this currently unknown person, and I don't want her to feel like a giant. Plus I wouldn't want her dealing with my not-very-shakable insecurities and blaming herself. And I want us to be equals.
So, wishful thinking, Reddit? Tell me plz...
TL;DR: | I'll be lucky to end up 5'4 and wanna spend my life with a non-Asian woman who's shorter than me. Wishful thinking? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My (17/F) boyfriend (18/M) of almost 3 years is enlisting in the army after graduation. He wants to get married and I'm not so sure of it.
POST: My boyfriend and I have been in an LDR (sorta?) for most of the three years. I say sorta because we live in the same state, just not close to each other. All we do is Skype, text, and call. He also visits whenever he can (by bus/Metrolink.) We've been talking about marriage for quite some time, but I'm still unsure. He said that after not being able to see each other for most of our relationship (we go to different schools and are both unable to drive), he wants to get married as soon as he's out of basic training.
I understand where he's coming from and I do want to get married to him someday. I'm just scared of the financial problems we can have. I'm a spender and it's no good if I get married to him and cause debt. I want to get married when I'm able to control my spending problems and know that we'd be stable on our own if we were to end the relationship.
I told him that and apparently it's not one of his *biggest* worries. He's scared that I could cheat on him while he's gone, so he wants to "trap me" (he says this jokingly) so I won't leave his side. He also says that he doesn't want to wait another four years for us to finally see each other when we choose since we've already waited about three years.
If I do get married to him, that means I'd have to: break it to my parents who don't like him, move to another state on the other side of the country, switch colleges, and start doing adult things that I'm still unsure of (taxes, renting apartments, etc.)
TL;DR: | My boyfriend wants to get married after basic training because he's tired of distance. I love him a lot, but I'm not sure if I'm ready for it. Reddit, what do I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I am [20/M] and am interested in a [15/F]. I know the feeling is mutual, we have met each others parents and family and everyone is okay with it. The constitution, however, isn't. Is it wrong?
POST: I am 20/M and have been "seeing" a 15/F for a few weeks. She is actually really mature and down to earth for her age and from what I can see, we have really similar interests + personalities. I can honestly say I really enjoy her company.
Proof of that is that I introduced her to my parents, she came to my moms place for dinner, everyone gets along + is alright. I normally never bring girls home either. I've met her parents. They are cool with it and they seem like nice people too.
Some of my friends bust my chops here and there but I can take a joke easily and I would do the same to them.
The issue is that I don't think this is "legal."
Is it wrong for us to see eachother? I mean.. in about 6 months, she will be 16 which I believe is the age of consent where I live, but where we sit now, not so much. I do like her and because of that I try to overlook the "legal" consequence but in the end they are still there. Which is what brings me here. Is this okay from a moral perspective? It doesn't bother me or her, parents are all okay.. Am I a criminal?
Since I know the question will come up, we haven't had sex but the way things are going I can see that happening very soon.
TL;DR: | 20M interested in 15F. Everyone is okay with it. Is it wrong or is it alright for me to keep pursuing this? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [34 F]with my husband [44 M] with a 3 year old child together for 6 years; I am very sexually frustrated and need advice please.
POST: My husband and I are 10 years apart. We had a child three years into our marriage and since then we have been sexually intimate maybe 7 times. Going on almost a year currently. We had a very healthy sexual relationship prior to the birth. In the first few years it was multiple times a day. We actually planned our pregnancy. We had sex throughout my pregnancy. And then it all slowed down to almost nothing. I have gained a bit of weight and he says he loves it. His past relationships have been with larger women. I am 5' 5" and 160 lbs currently. I was weighing in at 135 prior to pregnancy. Our child weighed 10 pounds at birth and (in my mind wrecked my pre baby body). I have stretch marks and a muffin top I cannot loose. He seemed to prefer curvaceous women previously. Is this an age thing? He is now coming up on his 45th BDay and perhaps his libido just isn't there? Or am I unattractive to him? I cannot figure it out. As a very sensual and sexual woman coming into my peak I am extremely frustrated and hoping someone can offer me advice. I would like to have sex at least 3 times a week. I still find him extremely attractive. He says he does find me sexy too. What gives?
TL;DR: | Husband of 6 years who is 10 years older than I am seems to be much less sexually inactive after having our 3 year old child. I am wanting to be sensual and sexual and it seems like middle age is the cause? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I'm [24/m] recently single and moving abroad. I've had a lot of attention from girls but I'm not sure if I want to commit to a relationship or just have fun.
POST: The title doesn't really do it justice so I'll explain..
Earlier this year I went through a very ugly breakup with my first and only serious ex [19/f] after a four year relationship.
I am moving abroad later this month. I registered on the countries' local dating site for giggles just to see what would happen. I have since received a lot of positive attention which has been nice.
I am a very affectionate person and will quickly fall head over heels in love with someone, because I am looking for a relationship, because I want to be in love again.
The problem is, I can imagine I'll fall for the first person I meet quite easily but I'm not sure if I should try and resist the temptation to go serious thinking there may well be much better relationships I haven't yet discovered. Do I just go with the flow or hold out for something better? I'm not sure if I want a serious monogamous relationship, or maybe I just want to have some fun for a bit.
TL;DR: | I'm [24/m] recently single and moving abroad. I've had a lot of attention from girls but I'm not sure if I want to commit to a relationship or just have fun. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My girlfriend [29F] just broke up with me [30M] after 3 months. She jumped straight to "love talk", I followed suit, then she dumped me. What happened?
POST: I met a great girl three months ago who was really into me. She pushed things from the beginning by saying "I love you" very early on. I hesitated but I said it back. That's the backstory but just the beginning.
In the three months that followed, she pushed things even further with occasional wedding talk, wedding venue research, talk of who her bridesmaids would be, what baby names she liked, and jokes about how long I'd wait to put a ring on her finger.
I'll be honest and say the talk made me excited. However, I normally just laughed it off without saying too much. I didn't buy into it entirely nor did I tell her to knock it off. I did shower her with lots of romantic talk and kind words in return. Mostly after we had sex and emotions were high but other times as well. I got drunk at a wedding one time and told her she was "the one". I thought that's what she wanted to hear anyway.
Fast forward three months and she ended up breaking up with **me**. Her reasons were mostly... 1) she couldn't love me as much as I loved her, 2) there was a feeling in her gut that it wasn't right, 3) how it was a mistake we rushed things and it's probably because she feels like she's getting old
What are your thoughts on why this fell apart? I'm very confused by it.
TL;DR: | Got dumped by girlfriend who rushed things in relationship. Seemed like what she wanted because it was initiated by her but I ended up with the broken heart. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: How can I [17/F] stop sabotaging my relationship and hurting the one I love [19 M]?
POST: We've been together since we met at college in October, and I consider him my best friend. He is the kindest, most genuine, and most loving person I've ever known. He's never done anything to intentionally hurt or take advantage of me in any way, and is completely faithful.
He tells me he loves me and demonstrates it in every way he can--taking care of me, bragging about me to his friends, pleasuring me, buying me gifts, helping me with homework, and supporting me no matter what. Basically, he's a wonderful person and a wonderful boyfriend.
I'd say 95% of the time, I treat him with the same consideration. The problem is that once in a while, I just "turn off", like a switch. I get really mad about pretty small things or even nothing and at least temporarily, I get a kick out of watching him get depressed. I don't yell or fight him, but I get cold and unforgiving and just quietly tell him the exact things that I know will break his heart. Today he fumbled a compliment, telling me I'm really attractive "for an Asian girl." I told him that was racist, but then I went even further, telling him that I was disappointed in him and had lost respect for him before ditching him to hang out with some other guys.
He had tears in his eyes as he tried to apologize and I feel bad now. I was cruel to my last boyfriend too, especially when I broke up with him. I think I've learned this kind of behavior from my mother: she always relished having the upper hand. I love this guy very much and I don't want to hurt him anymore.
Please understand, this is a part of my personality that will take time and effort to "fix". I just need some guidance.
TL;DR: | My boyfriend is good to me, I'm good to him except when I'm not, I need tips on being less mean. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [31 M] with my girlfriend [29 F] of 3 years, am I wasting her life?
POST: I've been together with my girlfriend for close to three years now. She fully expects me to propose and marry her (soon/now). I don't feel ready for that. Instead the thoughts of it make me feel very uneasy. We have issues to resolve. In my mind, things need to be running smoothly before you start a life-long union. She disagrees and argues that it is it not worth any effort or time on her side if I won't commit to unconditionally before trying to trying to fix things.
The current situation is: I got my way because I was ready to let things break and end. She gave up, and I got my way for now and didn't propose despite the length of the relationship.
Understandably, it weights on the relationship. I can't explain my resistance. I can't explain my willingness to let things slip and end. I do not think I was fully aware of the events unfolding and the likelihood of a breakup happening.
My attempts to understand the situation better fail. And they make me question my desire to hold on to her.
It is not true that I cannot imagine a life without her. It is true that I would miss her a lot. I would feel very bad if we broke up. She put a lot of trust in me, and I would betray that. But I can also imagine us work out. It just seems I have the wrong motivation: Everything is fine, therefore it can go on. Shouldn't it be: "I cannot live without her!"?
I know you cannot tell me what to do. What questions can I ask myself to sort it out in my head?
TL;DR: | Don't know how to decide whether to break up, try to work out things, or how to determine if I am being selfish and unfair. What questions can I try to ask myself to understand the situation better? |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by blacking out and reporting my car stolen
POST: So..... The other day I decided to go party after work. I left my car on the street... an easy to steal car that is. The next day when I went down to retrieve my car it wasnt in sight. My first thought was maybe it was towed.... being a Sunday though that is slim. I checked anyways no luck.
I reported it stolen and got it back within 2 days. Where it was found? A few blocks away near a house I after partied at.... I completely forgot that I drove it there... as soon as I saw it though every memory came back to me on what happened.... I remember getting my car and driving me and my buddy there, but due to some rec drug usage and binge drinking at the party I completely forgot about that chunk of memory.
Overall Im stoked to have it back, but goddamn Ill need to wait a few before I let people know the real story.... The internet can have it though.
TL;DR: | Drove my car to an after party, didnt remember due to blacking out portions of the night. Reported it stolen. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I'm [23F] meeting his [24M] parents[~ 55F and ~60M] in less than a month. I've never met before yet since I'm marrying their son in less than a year it has come time to meet them. How can I make this go over well?
POST: They're devout Muslims. Dating is forbidden so even though I've been with their son for 5 years I'm only meeting them now. They only found out about my existence two-three months ago.
I'm a university student. I'm shy and nervous. I'm also Muslim but they don't know that. I also am not very religious.
They also do not know we're engaged as my partner hasn't proposed to me. He plans on doing it July fourth weekend. I guess we'll tell them together about the engagement when I meet them one week post proposal. His parents also think we're just friends for the last two years. We didn't knkw each other till two years ago. This is the lies he tells them.
So simply what do? I've never met parents much less future in laws! I would love some advice from those who've done it before. Also should i continue the lies? Or tell them the truth?
TL;DR: | Was hidden for half a decade. Now I'm meeting his parents as his fiancée. How can I make this go over well? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [31 M] with my Wife [33 F] has left after 1 yr married, 5 together
POST: My wife left today. Movers are coming in the next day or so for her things.
We've been stressed out badly lately, for month even. She with school, non stop for 2.5 years, including summer school. Me with a new job that pays less, has a longer commute and is more complicated.
I work most days, she's in school most days. Ive no time for fun, she seems to have more than enough and very little for me. We've had the same dumb arguments about the same dumb things more times than I care to count. And here we are, I'm alone, she's gone. I'm lost.
She said she needs time to figure things out. I'm afraid this is the beginning of the end. I don't know what to do but cry and hope this is a nightmare.
TL;DR: | Wife left because we stress each other out more when we're stressed. I don't know what to do. How do I make it through this? |
SUBREDDIT: r/askwomenadvice
TITLE: How do you know when to leave a long term relationship?
POST: Throwaway account; personal question.
I've been dating my BF for 3 years. At first we had some pretty unhealthy behaviors (dirty fighting, manipulating, playing games). We've grown out of that together and it's been great for the past 1.5 years.
Lately, I've found we have the same argument over and over. When he is convinced he is 100% correct on a topic, there's no having a discussion about it at all. Sometimes it's motivations for the things I do. Other times it's as stupid as deciding whether to take a certain trip somewhere or not. He's so stubborn and refuses to even talk, ignoring my messages and calls outright.
In all other departments he's super sweet and caring and understanding.
My question is: At what point is a flaw too much to be overlooked? I know I probably won't find my "perfect man," and I know everyone comes with flaws.
TL;DR: | At what point do you accept a flaw in your SO and at what point do you decide that this guy isn't worth this flaw(s)? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Husband [34 M] is forcefully living with My [24 M] girlfriend [31 F]
POST: My girlfriend is trying to get away from her cheating husband. Her husband is forcefully living with her. She asks him to leave, but he isn't leaving. Husband came to know about me 2 weeks ago.
The husband touches her at night, she pushes him away, shouting at him. This is happening for the past 3 nights. She locked the doorknob last night, but he still got in. She's barely getting any sleep.
Husband just got back from a 5 month Job, currently unemployed. They live in a rented house in my girlfriend's name. My girlfriend is employed.
Please help getting rid of him. Would calling the Police do the job?
TL;DR: | Girlfriend wants to get away from cheating husband. Talking/shouting doesn't work. She doesn't have anyone in town to help. I want to help her because she says she'll go insane. |
SUBREDDIT: r/dating_advice
TITLE: When is it okay to DM someone through social media (twitter/instagram) ?
POST: I [M40] have been getting more active in social media over the last few months. I 'met' a woman through twitter in January because we live tweet the same TV show. We follow each other, favorite each other's tweets and sometimes reply to them. Once she tweeted an instagram link. I followed her/she followed me. We occasionally comment on each other's pictures.
She lives halfway across the USA from me, but does live within an hour of friends & family that I visit at least once a year. I'd just be interested in some type of friendship at this point.
I assume that any attractive woman with an open profile gets barraged with men hitting on them and I don't want to be 'that weird creepy guy'. If it's months in at this point, is it cool to just DM her on twitter and ask a few questions? I don't even know what she does for a living. Honestly, she could be involved with someone for all I know. I've never DM'ed anyone that I don't already know IRL, so where/how do I start? Thanks.
TL;DR: | — Started following woman/she followed me on twitter 3 months ago. We follow each other on instagram. Should I DM her? How do I start off? When? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me 30/f feels like I hurt every males feelings and I don't know what to do?
POST: I feel like, I can never be friends or expressive with any male because it bleeds over into the relationship territory. It's not that I don't want to be in a relationship but I don't want one right now. I'm trying to sort through my own stuff so I can be a good partner.
I just feel like it's impossible to be friends with or be in the company with a male without it leading to the inevitable.
So should I just avoid male friends completely or is there actually a way to be friends without worrying about the eventuality?
TL;DR: | I've had multiple instances where I've enjoyed being friends with guys but they've wanted more and I don't want more at the moment. |
SUBREDDIT: r/GetMotivated
TITLE: [Text] Looking to get motivated? Start by being clean.
POST: I had an epiphany while folding laundry today. I saw that my dresser was a mess; my clothes were all just strewn about in the drawers, and it looked atrocious. I decided to take everything out and stow away the clothes I don't wear. I refolded everything and organized the drawers. A thought came to me that hard work and motivation stem from everyday things. It's easy to be dirty; it's not so easy to be clean. If you start by not taking the easy route on things like cleanliness and organization, it will be that much easier to not take the easy way in other pursuits. Just thought I'd share this with anyone who is willing to listen.
TL;DR: | Don't take the easy way out on simple things (like cleanliness), and you'll be less likely to take the easy way out on larger pursuits. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: How should I [30s M] propose "housemates with benefits" to my returning housemate [30s F]
POST: I [33 M] have a house and from time to time have taken on housemates - usually just friends, but a few years ago I needed the dough so I starting renting to strangers via CL.
One of them [30 F] was here for about a year and a half and moved out a year ago. She recently contacted me as she's moving back to the area and needs a place to stay, and moving back in has a bunch of advantages (can move in soon/no application; convenient location for her for various reasons).
She was a good renter and we left on good terms, however I'm not that interested in any housemate at this time, but I think her current living situation isn't great so part of me wants to be of help.
I'm considering proposing that she move in for nominal rent plus a "housemates with benefits" situation.
We're both adults, both single. This would be set up as a short term thing - for 3 or 4 months (that's as long as I would want a housemate at this time).
We got along fine as housemates, though there was never any thing that happened between us sex/relationship wise, as we both had SO's during the time we were housemates.
I find her attractive but wouldn't want to date her. I have no sense from her end if she considers me attractive. No idea what she'd think of this, though she's pretty open minded.
So, how do I propose this?
TL;DR: | Old housemate wants to move back in - I'm down if she is (if ya catch my drift), but how do I propose that? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Thoughts on Accutane?
POST: My wife has waged a constant war with acne since she was eleven years old. She simply cannot get rid of it. She's tried all the stuff advertised on TV, like Proactive, and never had success. Her dermatologist wants to put her on Accutane, which appears to have some pretty serious side effects, and it kinda scares me. My wife is eager to try it as it may be the only thing that will get rid of her acne.
I've never had a problem with her complexion. I think she's beautiful no matter what, so I really don't want her to take such a big risk. I guess I could understand her reasoning a little better if she was single and couldn't get a date due to it, but she's got a husband, a great career, and now an 8-month old baby boy. However, her self-esteem has suffered because of it, and she always gets embarrassed when she feels like someone is examining her face. I know it would mean a lot to her if she could finally kick her acne in the ass. I told her to do whatever she feels she needs to do, but to at least be aware of the risks, and I have tried to discourage her from plunging head-first into this treatment.
TL;DR: | I'd really like some feedback from people who have first-hand experience with this stuff. So have any Redditor's used Accutane? Did you experience any side effects? What were the results? |
SUBREDDIT: r/Dogtraining
TITLE: Our patience has run out. Help please.
POST: Hello, this is my first time posting and I really don't know if this is a suitable post for this subreddit but here it goes.
About a month and a half ago my family adopted a 3 year old male Poodle/Havanese mix. The adoption center said the dog was toy and food aggressive. They also informed us that the dog would often take to one person more than others. It didn't take us long to see that he had chosen my younger sister as his favorite family member. It also didn't take long to see just how aggressive he got around his toys. If he had a chew toy and you reached for it, he would freeze completely and let out a low, throaty growl. If we so much as patted my sister on the arm or back, he would make an aggressive jump at us. We all know dogs can be protective but he learned more towards obsessed and overly protective. About a week into owning him he bit my mother. She chalked it up to him still being new to the home and didn't think too much of it. In the days that followed he wound up snapping at my brother, my mother again, me, and my stepdad. This weekend alone he bit my sister as she was petting him and my step dad as he was reaching to pick him up. My family doesn't know what to do about his aggression. He was a stray and as cute as he is, we finally figured out why. What can we do? So far we have tried to work on his toy aggression by rewarding him when he plays fetch and using soft voices when he has a toy and we slowly reach for it. We are running on empty here.
TL;DR: | adopted dog is overly aggressive, has bit three different family members, drawing blood each time, countless attempts at biting too. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [20f] boyfriend's [21m] roommates [23, 22m] hate me.
POST: I've been dating this guy for about 2 months now. He's amazing. We have a ton in common, and things are going great. Except one thing, his roommates hate my guts.
He lives in a 3 bedroom house with his two best friends. His two best friends both have girlfriends, one lives there and the other stays over often. I have been staying over about 4-6 days a week for most of June.
At a recent "house meeting" the subject of asking me to not come over anymore was brought up. Apparently the head of house [23m] doesn't like me, he thinks I'm loud and messy and shouldn't be with my boyfriend. I thought these people were my friends but they have been talking shit about me behind my back and simply being aggressive and mean.
What confuses me is I'm the first of the girlfriends to help with rent. I help buy food and mostly stay in my boyfriends room. I'm not freeloading and my boyfriend asks me to stay there with him.
I live with my grandmother and I am going to be staying there for a while in hopes things will simmer down but that means I wont see my boyfriend. He can't stay with me more than a night or two a week because of my grandmother and even then we'd get no privacy.
TL;DR: | Boyfriend's two roommates hate me for no good reason and want to kick me out of the house. I pay rent and utilities even though I'm not there full time. What should I do?! |
SUBREDDIT: r/self
TITLE: Found some bug/feature in my own consciousness that prevents me from organizing
POST: Yesterday i was flipping through interface of the semi-old cell phone i've decided to use (current smartphone is too slow/glitchy for me), being amazed at simple and fast, yet customizable flow of tools available in that tiny device. But the most important sensation was the new - new experience, new neuron connections, whatever - it was the change of the regular method of doing things. I grasped it and realized it was really important to me - confirmed on evening when sudden urge arise to buy myself some cheap netbook with linux installed - just to play with it and get new experience. I held it on though.
It suddenly glimpsed on me that my problem with organizing is that it promises me exactly the opposite - the stable system which does not change, stays the same day by day and gains power by it's stability. Well, the habit is the core of organizing and I can't get any useful habits going because they grow boring.
Every time i read something about productivity tips, lifehacks, GTD, productivity systems, inbox zero, and so on, i imagine the outcome - what it will look and feel like to use any of this, and on the one hand i think, wouldn't it be awesome - to have one place to collect, store and organize all the ideas, todos and grocery lists? I mentally calculate all benefits from doing this, and in parallel my subconsciousness gets bored just by the thought and does everything to keep from doing this.
TL;DR: | every productivity tip suggests doing something on a regular basis, I get bored as fuck by repetition and monotony - what to do :( |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: [23M] I feel like I'm being replaced by my best friend...
POST: So to start my best friend has been like a brother to me for years, we've known each other for about 10 years. He is an amazing guy and I understand the reasons why people are drawn to him like a magnet. Although recently I feel like I'm being replaced and isolated by him and some other people in our friend group.
Lately there has been 2 new girls that have started to hang out with us. While one of the girls is fine and pretty cool, having the 2 of them together around my best friend can only be described as nauseating. They're so blatantly obsessed with him and anybody else around doesn't exist, they have their heads so firmly planted up his ass he needs to adjust them just to let out a fart.
It's really bad, and they're always around! And recently I've felt completely phased out of his life and of the group because of the way these girls monopolize his time. He can get any girl he wants and they're not nearly attractive enough for him to consider dating/hooking up with.
So everytime I've been around has been excruciating and painful because the whole situation makes me feel like I'm not wanted. We barely talk anymore and I don't want to be around the 2 girls because of the previous reasons. I don't know what to do anymore, he's been a brother to me and I don't want to just stop being friends but the fact that lately that's what I've been actually considering makes me sad.
TL;DR: | my best friend has two bitches that won't get off his dick, I'm feeling like shit because of it, what the hell should I do/say? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [24M] living with very recent ex [23F] who hooked up with my roommate / best friend [25M]. What should I do?
POST: I have been dating this girl on and off for 4 years. We were not together because of distance for some of this time (I left the school we were attending and moved back home). She ended up being more promiscuous and sexually open than me and I was doing a lot of drugs that caused me to be impotent. We eventually broke up because of these differences, but still shared a bed and lived together.
I had some "physical issues" because of drug use, so one day two weeks ago she took some drugs from my roommate/ex-best friend and gave him a blowjob whilst drunk and angry at me. We were technically broken up at the time.
We came to call each other bf and gf again within the week after I quit my use of hard drugs and regained my physical ability to have sex. She had not told me about this incident with my friend. She recently told me on Friday morning and I have been drunk since.
Now I live in a house with my former BEST friend (who is polyamorous, and doesn't seem to understand any code between friends -- I thought he did), and the girl I planned to marry. I have the opportunity to move back to my old apartment, which I might take.
How do I proceed with this broken heart? Do I even attempt to make amends and become friends with the woman whom I have loved for 4-5 years? Here I am at 10:00 AM with a gin and juice trying to figure out how best do do this. I've never lived in the same city as a serious ex and I've never had as serious a girlfriend as this. I feel physically inept and worthless and heartbroken.
I have since quit my hard drugs of choice and have had amazing sex (with her). I am going to university again to complete my undergrad degree and am getting a fair amount of attention, although the girls seem too young at this point.
What should I do? I am devastated.
TL;DR: | GF [23F] cheated on me [24M] with best friend [25M]. We are all living together. What should I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: I don't know if this counts as being molested but I've been wondering for years.
POST: Backstory: When I was 15 I had my first date with this guy I had met on Facebook. He went to a private school nearby and we knew mutual people, so I knew he wasn't really 30 and posing as a 15 year old, so I was okay with it. Anyway, we decide that we're gonna go to the movies together as our date. When we sit down, his hands are all over me. Up my shirt, over my bra, my legs, ect. I was scared but I didn't know what to do so I just let it happen (HUGE mistake on my part). Anyway, I never really told anyone about this and I just shook it off as something that goes on in a relationship (I had nothing to compare it to, I hadn't had a boyfriend before and none of my friends had either). About two years later I hear that some guy got arrested for doing something similar to a woman, and it got me thinking that maybe this guy I went on a date with had maybe done something illegal. I don't know if it's actually classified as molestation or not but if someone could please clarify it for me that would be fantastic.
TL;DR: | Got felt up on my first date ever, was too scared to do anything about it, didn't know any better, don't know if it's classified as molestation. |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by telling an old lady to go die
POST: Today I fucked up by telling an old lady to go die.
I work in retail; I sell frozen food. I will gladly refund anyone's money if they are dissatisfied with any of my products.
An elderly lady purchased $100 worth of food from my store yesterday. She tried one thing, a shepards pie, and didn't think that the beef was good, so she tried to return her two packs of steaks, her chicken breasts, her key lime pie, and wanted a refund on her shepards pie.
Let's tell you now, today is my day off. I drove my co-worker to work today, and decided to stick around for a cup of coffee. This elderly lady came in at the crack-of-open, and started complaining. I came to my co-worker's help to try and sort things out. She got angry when I told her that I would not refund her her money on her steaks, which she had not tried. They were well and good. All of my steaks are Alberta, AAA grade steaks.
She invited me to insert those steaks and chicken breasts where sun doesn't shine. I told her to go die.
TL;DR: | It's my day off, and while trying to help out a co-worker, I lost my cool with an old lady, and told her to go die. |
SUBREDDIT: r/loseit
TITLE: NSV - "Wait, is that really all I ate?"
POST: So, I thought yesterday was going to be a burn.
I had to go to an event with friends, which usually includes A) lunch out, and B) a large dinner cooked by other people, with no way to track calories or recipes (*you* try going into a kitchen and asking the cooks to give you the recipes they're making for 80 people as they run around because they have to have a multi-course meal ready by 6/7pm!). I and my boyfriend decided to pack lunches so that we could avoid both the money and calories of eating out for lunch. Of course, this still left dinner.
Dinner yesterday wound up being a pot luck with a *lot* of good food. I went through the line and my plate wound up loaded down--hash browns, a cheddar biscuit, veggies and a small bit of ranch dressing, one small piece of bread. Then there was the dessert table... I have a huge weakness for cheesecake. I'll admit that right out. So knowing that if I didn't get a piece now it'd be gone, I couldn't wait to see if I was still craving it after eating dinner--I came back to get a small dessert plate and grab a piece. At that exact time, someone's homemade macaroni and cheese came out of the oven and looked *heavenly*. So I got a small bowl of that.
Sounds like a lot of food, right? Well, I sat down and looked at my food and was appalled because yes, it *was* a lot of food. We ate, we danced (we danced a *lot*; we danced for three hours once the tables were all cleared...), and came home. Later that evening I was logging in my food when I realized...
"Wait, is that really all I ate?" I'd only eaten the macaroni and cheese, the veggies, and the cheesecake. I hadn't realized it because there was lots of conversation and entertainment during dinner, and I'd stopped eating when I felt full. Sure, it's not the healthiest of meals, but I honestly had thought I'd eaten twice that and that, even with the exertion of dancing, I was going to be over my calorie count for the day!
TL;DR: | Thought I was going to binge at a potluck dinner. Wound up not doing so and not even realizing it until I was logging all my foods later on that night! |
SUBREDDIT: r/personalfinance
TITLE: Retirement Fund: Rollover or Pay off Debts?
POST: Hello, PF!
I am 27 and live in Pennsylvania. I was employed for ~3 years in my early 20's and had a portion of my salary go into the state's retirement system (PSERS). I was just informed that I should do something with this account since it's no longer gaining interest. It's currently at $4200. My two options are to roll it over into a retirement fund with my credit union (penalty free) or cash it out where it would suffer 20-30% tax penalties and I'd have ~$3000 cash.
I currently have ~$5,000 in credit card debt (from my transition to self-employment) at 19% interest. I know, it's bad. I'm paying about $110/m in interest as I get the balance down, but I can only afford about $200-300/month payments at this time. I have gone about a year without adding to the debt, so I'm confident that once it's paid off it will stay that way. I could then use the money to build up my savings and retirement funds. My business has been open for 3 years and is doing well. It's trending upwards and always doing better.
I just started a savings account last month and it has $300 in it. I am working on building an emergency fund. I do not have any other savings.
PF, I'm thinking of cashing out the retirement fund to help pay down the credit card debt.. is it a smart move or not? The way I see it, my business is my retirement plan and this money could help me get through my debt a lot faster. Am I nuts?
TL;DR: | I Discovered I had $4200 in an old retirement account. Should I roll it over into another retirement account (no penalty) or cash it out (30% penalty) and pay my cc debt? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [21 M] with my apathetic family- those who came from broken homes and less than functional families, did you ever get a family of your own? How is it?
POST: So I know it's a pretty all-american thing to have divorced parents and dysfunctional families. I had a particularly difficult time growing up in my family, it was always just me and my mom. Noone else was willing to sacrifice and struggle to hold us all together and even do stuff like eat on Christmas or have birthdays together. But I dream of one day being able to have my own family, but I think about all the beatings and screaming I had to deal with. I'm 20, have never had a relationship and don't know how to act in them or anything. I just wonder if I had my own family if it wouldn't all turn out the same.
TL;DR: | i'm curious if my dream for a family of my own is childish and naive, or if any of you from fucked up families and homes have been successful with it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Friend in need or drama queen?
POST: So I feel like I'm in a pretty bad place right now. I'm so so lonely. Coming home to my empty apartment seems like the most depressing thing in the world.
There is someone, let's call him Alex, that I'd really like to reach out to. I'm just worried he will see me as a drama queen.
A little back story:I've known him for 3 years. We aren't 'officially' dating because I work a lot and he is in grad school (in another state, no less). He will probably be moving back to where I live in a few months. We occasionally (maybe every few months) visit one another. When I am with him it's intense, mind blowing. He is the kindest, smartest, sexiest man I've ever met. But long distance, he acts like my boyfriend one day, and the next pretty much ignores me.
Anyway, I have found myself completely floored with depression over the past few days. I've gone to work, but the moment I get home I can't stop crying. I crave reassurance from him, not even about 'us' , but about myself as I'm feeling pretty insecure. I'm worried that if I do, I'll find its an "off" day with him and will be even more depressed over his cool demeanor. This makes him sound like a bit of a jerk, he isn't - just very busy and very self contained, I guess.
I have other friends who are in town I can talk to, but can't get him off my mind.
TL;DR: | Want to reach out to long distance 'friend' but he might just be a 'friend' cause he doesn't have time for this type of stuff. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My boyfriend (27M) told me recently he's not in love with me (27F).
POST: My boyfriend and I have been dating for six months, and a few weeks ago he decided to "check in" on our relationship. I'm happy as can be, mentioned a few of my frustrations but at the end of the day it didn't matter because I'm genuinely happy. He responds pretty much the same way - he's happy and he adores me but there's a catch - he's not in love with me.
A little bit of our back story - we were friends for a couple months prior to us dating while I was dating someone else. It wasn't working out between my ex and I, and my boyfriend called me out on it stating he knew there was something between us and that he would always want more. So once I was single I gave him a chance, and everything went great. We're super close as friends, we enjoy the same things, our friend groups have meshed, and I fell pretty hard.
It seemed that things were going that way with him, he always tells me that I'm his favorite girlfriend he's ever had, that I'm everything he liked about his exes and everything that was missing from previous relationships. He even says he does love me, just not in love, and he's unsure why that is. His parents recently divorced, which I suggested might lead to conflicted emotions especially with the holiday season. I asked if he had felt it before, and he said yes there have been plenty of moments where he's felt in love.
So I'm unsure where to go from here. Every now and then he asks is it worth even trying or wasting our time, but the rest of the time he said he's fine continuing to be together.
TL;DR: | Boyfriend and I have been together six months, but he's not at the in love phase yet. He's unsure if he ever will be, and I'm unsure how long I'm supposed to give it a chance. |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by eating 120g of fiber
POST: Went shopping at Costco the other day and picked up some Phillipine brand coconut candy (highly recommend).
Was feeling hungry and sat down with a beer, a book (Dawkins, currently), and this bag of coconut candy to polish up as dessert and to finish off my day. Got a little lost in thought/time and ended up eating the whole bag of candy. Feeling like a fat/accomplished man I decide it is time for bed as I have work early on Saturday.
About 30 minutes into my slumber I wake up with uncomfortable gas. Long, drawn out flatulence that smells absolutely horrid. If it weren't so painful, it would be genuinely hilarious. I cannot sleep and I cannot stop farting as my colon has turned itself into something reminiscent of a third lung.
I checked the package of the coconut candy, seeing as how this is the only deviation from my normal diet, and I find that in this bag alone there is 98g of fiber. I've made a huge mistake.
Saturday morning right now and I'm still dealing with a constant discomfort and airflow. These farts are hilariously loud, grotesquely rank, and are uncomfortable as hell. I fear for the safety of my bunghole and the porcelain at work.
TL;DR: | ate a bag of coconut and now my ass is talking shit as I await for the great cataclysm that will be this bowel movement. |
SUBREDDIT: r/personalfinance
TITLE: Just offered a job, high cost of living area, not sure if being rational
POST: I just accepted a job offer in a city with a booming cost of living (Denver) with a good company. The job seems like it may be relatively menial, but the pay is $18/hour (though as an independent contractor)
The absolute lowest rent I can reasonably find is about $700 not including utilities, I will most definitely need my car which is about 10 years old and probably will be about $1,000 per year to maintain for just major things (oil changes, gas, etc. all accounting seperately)
Right now I'm living with my parents at a menial dead-end job making $12.60/hour in a city with nothing to offer. Moving I'd be establishing independence and be able to make friends, but I'd really not be able to save much money as this is how my accounting works out per month:
Rent + Utilities: $800
Health Insurance: $150
Groceries: $400
Car, Insurance, Gas, Repairs: $400
Going out + buying a cheap video game once a month: $200
-
Total: $1,950
Savings per month: $350
I'm not even sure I'd be making as much as I calculate in savings as emergencies come up and I'd probably have unforeseen expenses.
TL;DR: | I'm not sure if I'm a naive dumbass 25 year old by trying to move out of my parents house and only save $300 per month as opposed to $700 per month. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My girlfriend [19/F] wanted a break to make sure she's making the right choice. I [19/M] have learned there's another guy she's considering and now I don't know if I can wait for her. Am I dumb?
POST: I think I'm being an idiot. I met a girl online, she lives in a different state, we hit it off, I drove up to meet her, we started a long distance relationship, and everything seemed great.
Fast forward a few months and I begin to act poorly. I don't treat her as well as I should because I have trouble trusting her. I know I was unfair to her and did my best to rectify the situation. But now she's not so sure about the relationship and wants to take a break. That's fine by me, I know I can change and I do, and we both still say we love each other.
Now here we are currently...she says she still loves me, but wants to make sure she's making the right choice. I still love her and I've told her I'd give her all the time she needs...but there's another guy who has come along. She says she doesn't consider him an option, but always talks about how wonderful he is and how much he helps her and understands her (but don't worry, he's "just a friend").
I really want to give her time to figure things out, but I just found out that she cuddles with this guy several times a week and he also asked her out. I am so confused right now. I love her so much but I don't know if I can trust her or if I should wait for her or if I'm just being stupid.
We aren't technically in a relationship right now, so I feel like I should give her proper space, but it all hurts so much. She's said she might consider this other guy and to her that's all part of making sure that I'm the right choice. I don't know how much more of this I can take though.
TL;DR: | Girlfriend reasonably took a break to figure things out. Now another guy has come along and I want to give her space but I don't know if I can handle it. Am I just being stupid for wanting to wait? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Was dating coworker (bad idea I know) and then I broke up with her. Work is now... awkward. What can I do?
POST: Details: So before this I had just gotten out of a 5 year relationship. Within days of hearing I was single, my coworker asked me out. I jumped into it headfirst before even getting to know her. Within a 3 month period my coworker had broken up with me twice, each followed by "it was a huge mistake, take me back" speeches. And I did like an idiot cuz I had no idea how to be single. Eventually I realized she was a rebound, got some confidence and left her. Well now she refuses to talk/work with me. Not a big deal except for she has no problem with making our customers and other coworkers feel awkward as shit. I'm scared she's going to get fired and somehow try to take me down with her. I've tried asking her to at least pretend we're cool at work for coworker's/customer's sake with no luck. Btw, it's been 4 months since we broke up... a month longer than we were together. So besides finding another job (I'm looking hard!) what should I do?
TL;DR: | Got into a rebound relationship with a coworker that didn't work out. She's making it uncomfortable for everyone... help. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [18 F] am having trouble communicating with my [25 M] "never-met" LDR of 2 months, exacerbating my depression.
POST: I'm F/18 with M/25, USA West Coast to East Coast. We met on reddit and connected immediately about two months ago.
I've always had trouble sleeping at night and he's really helped me overcome my depression and insomnia. Recently, holiday travels have prevented us from Skyping and he's been lackluster at communicating through text message.
It's been really difficult for me to go from daily Skype sessions to virtually no contact at all and I've been feeling more depressed and lonely as a result.
*Yes, I'm aware of the irony behind talking about talking...* I'm working on overcoming my depression and talking to someone is only one of the steps I've been taking.
It's always been hard for me to talk about my depression, especially with someone I'm involved with, and the distance/technology adds another element.
TL;DR: | How can I talk to him about our problems with communication and how it impacts me via depression? Specifically, without coming across as clingy and driving him away? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Are my wife [49F] and I [49M] obligated to follow another parent's [50F] rules?
POST: My wife and I disagree on this.
Our son [17M] has a girlfriend of one year, "Alice." We don't mind having her around, she's a polite and exceptionally smart young woman, and she gets along well with everyone in the house. School ends at 3 and she has an extracurricular at 4:30, so she usually comes over to our house in-between.He and Alice usually do homework, watch TV, or hang out in his room.
Our rule is that they can be in his room but the door has to be open. We have spoken to him about being safe and he said that they're not at that point yet but that she was on BC and promised to come to us if he needed anything. I gave him a box of condoms just to be safe.
Her mother is much more pushy and put a lot of pressure on her. Alice's mother seems very focused on the studying, and I think Alice has lead her to believe that she spends 100% of her time at our house studying, when it's really about 50%.
Recently Alice's mother told us that she's not comfortable with them being together alone in a room. Not even in the living room watching a movie.
My wife has told them that they need to work on homework in the kitchen or has gotten one of his siblings to sit with them so they're not alone, but it's annoying for all concerned.
I think it's ridiculous and my wife agrees but still thinks we're obligated to enforce this woman's rules in our own home. Or rather, that if we don't want to enforce them, we're obligated to tell this woman that we won't be enforcing her rules, in which case Alice's mother is likely to ban her daughter from spending time at our house.
This poor girl is smart and self-motivated, she doesn't need anyone breathing down her neck forcing her to be responsible. If anything, she needs to be a little less stressed. And being at our house seems to make her more relaxed.
TL;DR: | Son's girlfriend's mother has a different set of expectations and is likely to ban her daughter from our home if we don't enforce them. Is there really no middle ground here? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Hey Reddit, how can a reclusive teenager make friends?
POST: Before I get to my problem, I should probably give a little background. I am 17 years old and going into my junior year this fall. About a year ago I was still going to a regular high school, but I was overwhelmed by social anxiety and depression. It was so bad for me that I left my high school and began taking online courses my sophomore year. I took some meds for a while, and eventually got over both my depression and social anxiety. I cleaned up my diet, got into shape, and learned a whole lot about myself. I feel like a completely different person now.
Here's the issue though. For the entire year I've been a complete recluse. I have had no social interaction with anybody except for basic communication with my immediate family. Now that I actually want to have friends, I have no idea where to start. I have no friends to start with, and it's pretty tough to make new ones when you don't have a real high school to go to. Does anyone on Reddit have any ideas?
TL;DR: | I'm a teenage recluse. I would like to make friends. I don't have a real high school where I can make friends. What do |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by reinstalling skype
POST: This just happened about an hour ago.
Backstory: My skype microphone volume recently wasn't as loud as it should be so I contacted support and got it reinstalled, little did I know, it would delete every message and conversation before July 8th (I don't know why still). I was also invited to go this event for gamers and other specific things but the person who invited me broke their arm and messaged me to cancel but I had to tell the 3rd person who was going that it was cancelled.
Now the only way I could tell the 3rd person that the event was cancelled was over skype and it just so happens that I haven't added that person because I never needed to message them and the only group we were in was deleted. I googled ways to find old messages and came across a specific folder called main.db. The only way I could open it was in notepad so I figured if it had every message sent, it would also have every username in there. But after awhile of trying possible usernames in Ctrl F, i ended up having to scroll through a lot until I found the name. I added them and told them it was cancelled in the end.
But the real part that annoyed me was I did all of it so that my friend wouldn't have to log on to Skype and tell them.
I took a screenshot of like 1/1000 of the notepad for those that want to see.
TL;DR: | Old messages got deleted, had to go through large text to find a username so friend wouldn't have to log on. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Can someone help me think of a nice way to handle my son's new friendship? Details inside.
POST: My son is 10 years old and one thing I love most about him is his nature of being non-judgmental and accepting of others. He has recently made a new friend and said that he was invited to hang out at his friend's house. It turns out that his friend's "house" is actually a hotel here in town that his father owns. Here is where I have a problem:
My husband works for the city and we are aware first-hand of the type of clientele that typically stays there. The police are there quite often, and the people are not the nicest (we're talking drugs, violence, etc.). Many of these people rent rooms here on a long-term basis -- they live there.
I don't feel comfortable letting my son spend time at this hotel. I will say that this little boy is, at this moment, playing video games with my son in the next room. He is sweet, polite, and they are getting along great. We also met his dad when he dropped him off and he was friendly and quite normal. Still, I'm uncomfortable letting my son hang out in an environment that I know to be inhabited by drug dealers.
I would just say no, but I don't want to 1) offend this boy or his family or 2) teach my son to be judgmental of others or snobby in any way.
Can anyone provide me with ideas of a graceful way to handle this situation? Am I overreacting? Disclaimer: I'm fully prepared to be called an elitist or a snob. But when my son's safety is concerned, well, I don't really care. However, If I am overreacting, I would like to know (preferably with an explanation of why I shouldn't be worried.)
TL;DR: | Son is friends with a boy who lives in a shady hotel. Don't want to offend or teach the wrong lesson, but am worried to let him visit. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: [29/f] - For those of you in LTRs, were there bouts of doubt and near-to-crippling insecurity in the beginning of your relationship?
POST: As someone who has had many relationships (but none that have gotten past the 7 month mark - most are far shorter), I'm curious as to whether my insecurities in the past have ushered in self-fulfilling prophecies or if I just haven't made it to the part where I can relax and feel comfortable with where things are. I'm in the third month of a LDR (32/m), and I want this one to last - is it normal for me to be afraid for this relationship on occasion? The worst of these thoughts occur post-visits.
I'm also worried that I'll start conflating insecurities with intuition.
Any input would be greatly appreciated!
TL;DR: | never been in a long-term relationship; new one produces occasional pangs of insecurity. Is this a normal part of growing pains for relationships that last? |
SUBREDDIT: r/self
TITLE: About to give up. I need advice.
POST: Three years ago my gf left me. It sucked but I got over it. But I haven't found anyone since.
Nobody wants to date me. I tried, fuck I tried. Now I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere, I barely speak the language, there's almost nothing I can find online in english.
Nothing unusual huh? Classic story, the guy who can't find a partner. God I can't even find *friends* at this point. I'd take a board gaming or movie group any day but there's *nothing*.
I'm well off but I can't move - I'm stuck here, supporting my aunt since nobody else in my family will help her.
Oh yeah I tried online dating. Forget that. I'm below average in terms of looks... I don't even get any replies. OKCupid has like 30 matches for me. Half of them haven't been online in a year. No replies from anyone else. I considered tinder but if it's going to be the same story there I'd honestly want to kill myself.
And today I find this girl... cute, nearby, into the same stuff I am, 92% match and so on. On her profile she's super outgoing and open to chatting with anyone etc, like really not shallow. I send her a message complimenting one of her drawings, no reply. Later I send her a second one, nothing either. I don't want to send anything else now else it's too much. But is that really what this is like now?
I'm not *that* ugly. I know I'm a little overweight (and working on it), but it barely shows on the pictures. I showed my profile to a couple of honest friends to help me improve it. Now wtf is wrong with me that I get the cold shoulder on absolutely everything, even on my best shots?
Three years that I tell myself to keep going, keep trying my hand at various things and it'll improve. Almost four years now. Stopped caring about sex a long time ago, I just want company at this point. I'd honestly take a fucking *hello* back and I can't even get that.
TL;DR: | just downvote and move on. i don't need this on the front page, i just wanted it off my chest. |
SUBREDDIT: r/pettyrevenge
TITLE: Don't mess with my morning sleep
POST: So this happened when I was a bit younger, but it still annoys me to this day to think about.
It was spring break and I was enjoying it over at my grandma's house, which also happened to be a huge fucking mansion where she lived with my aunt and uncle. Anyways, so my sister is usually a pretty tame person, but when she gets around my cousin, the two of them like to start some pretty annoying stuff. (Bad influence).
So every night I slept over there, my cousin liked to fuck with me. Not only that, but she got my sister in on it too. Every morning, at the crack of dawn, she and my cousin would burst into my room while I'm still sleeping to jostle me awake roughly and run away laughing. And this went on over and over. They'd also do other things, like blow whistles in my ear while I was sleeping, or throw these loud toys that went off and blared noise while slamming the door shut laughing their asses off. Pretty effective way to ruin my day.
Since locking the door proved useless, *(It was one of those push in and turn handles, it just needed a long skinny stick or something to push it back open from the outside)*, I had enough of their shit. I love my sleep and I love it even more in the morning on MY spring break.
Pretty petty, but I got back on my sister. She had this one book series she loved. Warrior cats or some shit like that. Oh, and those Percy Jackson watchamacallit novels. So every so often, very neatly, I would take my exacto knife from Art and carefully cut out pages from the books. Not too many, but a few. No trace of cutting was visibly to be seen. I also loved taking one of the books and cutting out nothing but the last page so when she got to it, it would abruptly end. had a smile the next day when I heard my sister whining and saying Barnes&Noble had sold her a faulty books or something along that line.
TL;DR: | Sister and cousin screw with my morning sleep consistently for a few years while over at grandma's house. Get revenge by cutting up some kitty books. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: [17/m]Why does my girlfriend[15/f] do this?
POST: So my girlfriend and I have been going out for 8 months. About a month ago we hit a rocky time because she made some mistakes and in a minor way cheated on me. After that I gave her another chance but I said she has to come clean about stuff and tell me things. Well we have been doing great, but more recently I found out she has been sending sexual pictures to 2 or 3 guy friends of hers. She is naked but she covers up, so it is almost like she's teasing them. I have on multiple occasions given prime opportunities for her to come out and say it, and I even asked directly about one guy who I know she has sent pictures to, and she says she would tell me if anything came up. She says she loves me and is heartbroken and totally distraught at any thought of losing me, yet she is doing this behind my back. Ultimately, 2 questions. Should I confront her about it? And also, how do I even bring this up to her? Thanks.
TL;DR: | girlfriend has been sending sexual pics to 2 of her guy friends. Nothing bad, covering up, but it still annoys me. What do I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by swearing during an interview
POST: This happened a few months back. I was looking for a new job; something that'd last long, so I found a listing for a powerline tech and applied. I take a test, pass and a few weeks later I got a call asking if I can go in for an interview, so I accept.
Fast Forward a week and here I am waiting for my turn at an interview. Going by my past interviews I show up in a dress suit, really overdressed, as the other applicants are wearing jeans and whatnot. So...my turn comes up for an interview, as I'm walking into the interview room I stub my toe on the door frame and yell the loudest "F**K YOU!" while I'm entering the room. The three interviewers look at me in shock, so I turned completely red, I panicked and apologized...but heres the screwed up part, I was so nervous I didn't know what to say to explain why I swore so loud...I told them I have tourettes.
If I got the job apparently these are the 3 guys who will be working with me, so we start the interview, not knowing how real tourettes is, I throw in a couple swears every few sentences(Have to say it kinda helped with relieving some nervousness). These guys were pretty laid back, and the end of the interview comes and I'm putting on my coat. We shake hands and one of the guys with the biggest smile on his face shakes my hand and says "sorry about your tourettes" and winks. I've never felt so embarrassed.
They called back but I politely declined, Still too embarrassed.
TL;DR: | I went to an interview stubbed my toe, swore really loud and told the interviewers I had tourettes. |
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