jamesliu23/simpsons · Datasets at Hugging Face

text stringlengths 7 697
That woman. That screwball, Marge Simpson. We've got to stop her. But how?
Drop an anvil on her?
Hit her on the head with a piano?
Stuff her full of TNT, then throw a match down her throat and run?
All your fancy degrees and that's the best you can do? You make me sick.
Hmmm. Ah ha! I'm so funny.
You know, some of these stories are pretty good. I never know mice lived such interesting lives.
So much needless brutality. I don't know if I'm having any impact at all.
Don't do that! Don't do that! Hey! Don't DO that!
Take that you dumb squirrel.
Mmmmmmmph!
Where do they get their ideas?
What is it? What? "Smartline?" Yes, I've heard of your late-night panel discussion show. Well, I'd love to.
"Smartline!" With our local Emmy-award winning, host... Kent Brockman.
There she is!
Thank you.
Hi, Kent!
Me and the guys went fishing. Almost caught a catfish this big.
There's nothing wrong with it.
Excuse me. Excuse me. He was addressing me.
I know. There's nothing wrong with it.
Excuse me. There is! I think that it's a bad influence on children.
Oh, give me a break! I think that is a bunch of baloney. And here's why. In preparing for this debate, I did a little research and I discovered a startling thing. There was violence in the past, long before cartoons were invented.
Yeah, and there was something called the Crusades, for instance. Tremendous violence! Many people killed! The darn thing went on for thirty years.
That's right, Kent. So much for your viewpoint.
Ah, well, Kent... to me, the high jinks - of a few comic characters absolutely pale in comparison with the crippling emotional problems a psychiatrist runs into every day. I'm… I'm referring here to women who love too much, fear of winning, sexaholism... stuff like that.
No, not at all. In fact, one of my guilty little pleasures is to snuggle up with a big bucket of buttered popcorn, dim the lights, turn on Itchy & Scratchy, and laugh myself silly. And what the hell is wrong with that?
Hi kids!!!
Oh. I'm sorry, Kent. It's just that when the camera gets on me... ... HEY HEY!!!
Yes. I'd like to ask all the parents in Springfield who are concerned about this to write in and let the cartoon makers know how you feel. Thank you.
I don't believe this... "I will never watch your show, buy any of your products... or brake if I see you crossing the street." Wow, that's cold.
"Dear Sleaze Merchant" -- Now, come on, that hurts.
Gentlemen, the screwballs have spoken.
Is this Marge Simpson?
The Marge Simpson who fixed it so cartoons can't be violent anymore?
This is Myers. I'm here with the writers. Listen, you're so smart, how do we end this picture?
Well... what's the problem you're having?
Okay, here it is. Itchy just stole Scratchy's ice cream cone...
Make it a pie. Pies are easier to draw.
Okay, a pie. Anyway, Scratchy is understandably upset.
Huh huh.
So we figured he could - you know - just grab Itchy and toss him in a bucket of acid.
Oh dear!
But then we remembered that this might be interpreted as violence which is morally wrong now, thanks to you. So what's your big idea? How do we end this?
Well... let's see... Oh! couldn't Itchy share his pie with Scratchy? Then they would both have pie.
It's different, I'll give you that.
It's a tool that every home handyman needs. It's a jigsaw! It's a power drill! It's a wood-turning lathe!
Borrowed?
It's an asphalt spreader! It's sixty- seven tools in one! How much would you pay for a machine that can do all this?
One thousand dollars.
Don't answer yet...
Oh, sorry.
... because you also get...
I was watching that.
It's time for Krusty.
You mean we can watch cartoons again, Mom?
Yes, dear. All you want.
All right!
Turn it up!
Hey kids! It's time for Itchy & Scratchy!
They love / they share / They share and love and share / love love love / share share share / The Itchy & Scratchy Showwww!
Lemonade?
Please!
I made it just for you.
You are my best friend.
Itchy and Scratchy seem to have lost their edge.
I think it conveys a very nice message of sharing.
I think it sucks.
... Oh, hey, thank you, Maggie.
Mmmm, this really hits the spot.
Doesn't it though?
You really make good lemonade, Scratchy.
Oh, oh, oh. Thank you, Itchy.
Wasn't that funny, boys and girls? Well? Wasn't it?
Aren't you going to watch the rest of your cute cartoons?
Nah. Come on, Lis.
Maybe there's something else to do on this planet.
... but the third bowl of porridge was j-u-u-u-s-t right.
Hi kids!
What is it? Is this Saturday?
So what did you kids do today?
Sit down, boy!
And Janey and I went bird watching. We saw a grackle.
That's nice dear.
Come on, Lis. Let's go finish our soapbox racers.
Okay. May we please be excused?
Wow. What great kids. This is the golden age, Marge. And the parents of Springfield owe it all to you.
I didn't really expect things to change this much.
Well, I always knew you'd change the world, for the better.
This will be the art event of the century. The greatest masterpiece of the Italian Renaissance, Michelangelo's David, on a coast-to-coast tour of the United States.
Ah, sir. Which cities will be included in your itinerary?
Eh! New York...
Hmmm hmmm.
... Springfield...
... and if we have time, Chicago, Boston and Los Angeles.
Marge, get the door.
What in the world?
Get dressed, Marge. You've got to lead our protest against this abomination!
Hmmm, but that's Michelangelo's David. It's a masterpiece!
It's filth. It graphically portrays parts of the human body which - practical as they may be... are evil!

That woman. That screwball, Marge Simpson. We've got to stop her. But how?

Drop an anvil on her?

Hit her on the head with a piano?

Stuff her full of TNT, then throw a match down her throat and run?

All your fancy degrees and that's the best you can do? You make me sick.

Hmmm. Ah ha! I'm so funny.

You know, some of these stories are pretty good. I never know mice lived such interesting lives.

So much needless brutality. I don't know if I'm having any impact at all.

Don't do that! Don't do that! Hey! Don't DO that!

Take that you dumb squirrel.

Mmmmmmmph!

Where do they get their ideas?

What is it? What? "Smartline?" Yes, I've heard of your late-night panel discussion show. Well, I'd love to.

"Smartline!" With our local Emmy-award winning, host... Kent Brockman.

There she is!

Thank you.

Hi, Kent!

Me and the guys went fishing. Almost caught a catfish this big.

There's nothing wrong with it.

Excuse me. Excuse me. He was addressing me.

I know. There's nothing wrong with it.

Excuse me. There is! I think that it's a bad influence on children.

Oh, give me a break! I think that is a bunch of baloney. And here's why. In preparing for this debate, I did a little research and I discovered a startling thing. There was violence in the past, long before cartoons were invented.

Yeah, and there was something called the Crusades, for instance. Tremendous violence! Many people killed! The darn thing went on for thirty years.

That's right, Kent. So much for your viewpoint.

Ah, well, Kent... to me, the high jinks - of a few comic characters absolutely pale in comparison with the crippling emotional problems a psychiatrist runs into every day. I'm… I'm referring here to women who love too much, fear of winning, sexaholism... stuff like that.

No, not at all. In fact, one of my guilty little pleasures is to snuggle up with a big bucket of buttered popcorn, dim the lights, turn on Itchy & Scratchy, and laugh myself silly. And what the hell is wrong with that?

Hi kids!!!

Oh. I'm sorry, Kent. It's just that when the camera gets on me... ... HEY HEY!!!

Yes. I'd like to ask all the parents in Springfield who are concerned about this to write in and let the cartoon makers know how you feel. Thank you.

I don't believe this... "I will never watch your show, buy any of your products... or brake if I see you crossing the street." Wow, that's cold.

"Dear Sleaze Merchant" -- Now, come on, that hurts.

Gentlemen, the screwballs have spoken.

Is this Marge Simpson?

The Marge Simpson who fixed it so cartoons can't be violent anymore?

This is Myers. I'm here with the writers. Listen, you're so smart, how do we end this picture?

Well... what's the problem you're having?

Okay, here it is. Itchy just stole Scratchy's ice cream cone...

Make it a pie. Pies are easier to draw.

Okay, a pie. Anyway, Scratchy is understandably upset.

Huh huh.

So we figured he could - you know - just grab Itchy and toss him in a bucket of acid.

Oh dear!

But then we remembered that this might be interpreted as violence which is morally wrong now, thanks to you. So what's your big idea? How do we end this?

Well... let's see... Oh! couldn't Itchy share his pie with Scratchy? Then they would both have pie.

It's different, I'll give you that.

It's a tool that every home handyman needs. It's a jigsaw! It's a power drill! It's a wood-turning lathe!

Borrowed?

It's an asphalt spreader! It's sixty- seven tools in one! How much would you pay for a machine that can do all this?

One thousand dollars.

Don't answer yet...

Oh, sorry.

... because you also get...

I was watching that.

It's time for Krusty.

You mean we can watch cartoons again, Mom?

Yes, dear. All you want.

All right!

Turn it up!

Hey kids! It's time for Itchy & Scratchy!

They love / they share / They share and love and share / love love love / share share share / The Itchy & Scratchy Showwww!

Lemonade?

Please!

I made it just for you.

You are my best friend.

Itchy and Scratchy seem to have lost their edge.

I think it conveys a very nice message of sharing.

I think it sucks.

... Oh, hey, thank you, Maggie.

Mmmm, this really hits the spot.

Doesn't it though?

You really make good lemonade, Scratchy.

Oh, oh, oh. Thank you, Itchy.

Wasn't that funny, boys and girls? Well? Wasn't it?

Aren't you going to watch the rest of your cute cartoons?

Nah. Come on, Lis.

Maybe there's something else to do on this planet.

... but the third bowl of porridge was j-u-u-u-s-t right.

Hi kids!

What is it? Is this Saturday?

So what did you kids do today?

Sit down, boy!

And Janey and I went bird watching. We saw a grackle.

That's nice dear.

Come on, Lis. Let's go finish our soapbox racers.

Okay. May we please be excused?

Wow. What great kids. This is the golden age, Marge. And the parents of Springfield owe it all to you.

I didn't really expect things to change this much.

Well, I always knew you'd change the world, for the better.

This will be the art event of the century. The greatest masterpiece of the Italian Renaissance, Michelangelo's David, on a coast-to-coast tour of the United States.

Ah, sir. Which cities will be included in your itinerary?

Eh! New York...

Hmmm hmmm.

... Springfield...

... and if we have time, Chicago, Boston and Los Angeles.

Marge, get the door.

What in the world?

Get dressed, Marge. You've got to lead our protest against this abomination!

Hmmm, but that's Michelangelo's David. It's a masterpiece!

It's filth. It graphically portrays parts of the human body which - practical as they may be... are evil!