jamesliu23/simpsons · Datasets at Hugging Face

text stringlengths 7 697
They better be for a hundred and twenty-five big ones!
A hundred and twenty-five dollars!!
I thought we agreed to consult each other before any major purchases.
Well, you bought all those smoke alarms and we haven't had a single fire.
The manhunt... or should I say a woman hunt is on...
You know, Joe. Yours is the only show I'll do...
As an actor, my eyeballs need to look their whitest.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Well, Homer. There seems to be a lot of good obedience schools here.
Oh school! Right. Yeah, that's your answer for everything!
Oooh, this one looks very reputable.
What lovely handwriting! Have a toffee... Such a neat job. Have at them... Well done!
Now, if I could borrow... Satan's Little Helper...
Santa's Little Helper.
Ladies and gentlemen...
Most of you already know that, with a little love and compassion, any puppy will grow up to be a cuddly little bundle of joy. Stuff and nonsense, taught by charlatans and learned by bloody twits. Let me tell you the two most important words you will ever hear in your life: choke chain.
You raise a dog the same way you would raise a child: with simple, authoritative commands... Lay down!
...followed by immediate correction...
How can we tell if we're doing this maneuver effectively?
The dog's eyes will cross and his tongue will protrude and change color ever so slightly.
Is my dog dead, ma'am?
You don't know how often I'm asked that. "Choke chain" is a misnomer. Trust me, they are always breathing.
Jack, I think the baby might be yours.
Oh, I'm sure it is, doll-face. But I'd like to see you prove it.
You're treating me like garbage.
That's because that's the way you love it, baby.
Gee, is it always this good?
Oh, I don't know, I just dip in and out... I'm only watching today because Brandy is coming out of her coma and she knows the phony prince's body is hidden in the boathouse...
Ohh, that dog!
Bad dog! Don't worry Snowball. You're safe with me.
Mom, what will we do if Santa's Little Helper doesn't learn anything in obedience school?
I don't know.
Father McGrath! I thought you were dead.
There are two ways for a dog to relieve himself. One is like a faithful friend and partner for life. The other is like a hose without a fireman. Which way do you think that was, Mr. Simpson?
Like a hose, your wrinkled highness.
I've changed my mind. I decided I don't want these shoes.
Hey, wait a minute. What happened here?
Well, my faithful dog was bringing me my shoes and they fell apart in his mouth.
I'm sorry, sir. Our warranty doesn't cover fire, theft, or acts of dog.
Big cookie.
Well, aloha!
Would you like a free sample?
The price is right.
Mmmm. Macamadamia nuts.
If you'd like to buy some, they're only a dollar each.
Oh, so that's your little plan! Get us addicted, then jack up the price! Well, you win.
Property of Hom-er J. Simp-son. Hands off.
Look, Mom, I finished my patch. It depicts the two greatest musical influences in my life.
Miss Winthrop, I was thinking...
On the left is Mr. Largo, my music teacher at school. He taught me that even the noblest concerto can be drained of its beauty and soul. And on the right is Bleeding Gums Murphy. He taught me that music is like a fire in your belly that comes out of your mouth, so you better stick an instrument in front of it.
And look!
Come on, Homer. I want you to see what your sick little girl did.
MY QUILT! Six generations, gone.
Now Marge, honey, honey, honey. Come on. Come on, don't get upset. It's not the end of the world. We all loved that quilt, but you can't get too attached to...
No, MY COOKIE!
This is not happening! This is not happening!
Everybody in the kitchen! We're having a family meeting!
We never had a family meeting before.
We never had a problem with a family member we can give away before.
Homer, what are you saying?
I'm saying...
No way! You can't give my dog away! I'll set fire to my hair! I'll rip up all my clothes! I'll put sugar in the gas tank!
I've suffered as much as anyone at the paws of this dog. But when I look into his vacant brown eyes, I just can't bear to let him go. I'm sure Mom agrees with me.
No, I'm afraid I agree with your father.
You do? Ha ha, ha ha ha!
Homer, please. It's not just the quilt. He's a nice dog, but he chews up everything. He doesn't obey. He's not even housebroken. And we've spent all this money on an obedience school and I don't see any improvement.
All right, all right. If Santa's Little Helper studies real hard and passes his finals and becomes a perfect dog, can we keep him then?
Tch, tch. Oh, dear.
...since you get paid either way, would it be a big deal to just let my dog pass?
Dad, this is our pet. We can question his integrity and disposition, but we can't question his heart. Are you trying to teach us that the way to solve a problem with something you love is to throw it away?
Oh Lisa, if they're ever going to pull the plug on me, I want you in my corner, honey.
Oh, all right. If he passes obedience school, we can keep him.
All right!
See boy, it's not so hard. Here, roll over... roll over... like this.
Congratulations, sonny. You've earned a toffee.
Oh, thank you, you moldy old maid.
Homer, can't we place this ad after the dog fails his test?
No, we have to commit ourselves. Now take this down. "Free to loving home. World's most brilliant dog. Says 'I love you' on command."
Type! Type!
Now, sit! I said sit!
Uh... Take a walk!
Sniff that other dog's butt! See, he does exactly what I tell him.
Oh no, we'd never give him away, but, we're moving to another country where dogs are forbidden. Hear what? Oh, sure. C'mere, boy! Put that prowler down. Come here! Come on boy! Say it, boy! Say "I love you" for the nice man! I lub you. Good dog! Good doggie! Isn't that amazing? See you soon. Woooo! Wooo!
A lot of you think your dogs have mastered the "stay" command. Let's see if they can "stay" away from this Beef Wellington.
Now... stayyy!
Stay boy! Stay! Stay! Stayyy!!
Oh, he'd be very happy at my farm. You know, people think only mules can pull carts. Impatient people think that, but patient people know better.
Uh, you can pick him up tomorrow.
I see. Rubber stamp, thank you very much, next in line! Is that it?
Heavens to Mergatroid! Bart, perhaps I cling to the old ways like a well-chewed shoe as the traditions I was weaned on are put to sleep or neutered, one by one. But my time has not passed yet! The world does not need another college graduate who doesn't know how to sit!
He'll sit, he'll sit. Come on, boy. Sit! Sit!
Pull the chain!
Correct the dog!
I don't want to strangle my dog.
PULL THE BLOODY CHAIN, BOY!
I'm sorry, boy. You can't help being dumb.
Hmmm, what are you doing, dear?
Sewing a new quilt. You know, it's one thing to be a link in a chain. It's another to start one of your own.
This patch commemorates the destruction of the old quilt.
Well, you certainly captured the moment. Hmmm .

They better be for a hundred and twenty-five big ones!

A hundred and twenty-five dollars!!

I thought we agreed to consult each other before any major purchases.

Well, you bought all those smoke alarms and we haven't had a single fire.

The manhunt... or should I say a woman hunt is on...

You know, Joe. Yours is the only show I'll do...

As an actor, my eyeballs need to look their whitest.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Well, Homer. There seems to be a lot of good obedience schools here.

Oh school! Right. Yeah, that's your answer for everything!

Oooh, this one looks very reputable.

What lovely handwriting! Have a toffee... Such a neat job. Have at them... Well done!

Now, if I could borrow... Satan's Little Helper...

Santa's Little Helper.

Ladies and gentlemen...

Most of you already know that, with a little love and compassion, any puppy will grow up to be a cuddly little bundle of joy. Stuff and nonsense, taught by charlatans and learned by bloody twits. Let me tell you the two most important words you will ever hear in your life: choke chain.

You raise a dog the same way you would raise a child: with simple, authoritative commands... Lay down!

...followed by immediate correction...

How can we tell if we're doing this maneuver effectively?

The dog's eyes will cross and his tongue will protrude and change color ever so slightly.

Is my dog dead, ma'am?

You don't know how often I'm asked that. "Choke chain" is a misnomer. Trust me, they are always breathing.

Jack, I think the baby might be yours.

Oh, I'm sure it is, doll-face. But I'd like to see you prove it.

You're treating me like garbage.

That's because that's the way you love it, baby.

Gee, is it always this good?

Oh, I don't know, I just dip in and out... I'm only watching today because Brandy is coming out of her coma and she knows the phony prince's body is hidden in the boathouse...

Ohh, that dog!

Bad dog! Don't worry Snowball. You're safe with me.

Mom, what will we do if Santa's Little Helper doesn't learn anything in obedience school?

I don't know.

Father McGrath! I thought you were dead.

There are two ways for a dog to relieve himself. One is like a faithful friend and partner for life. The other is like a hose without a fireman. Which way do you think that was, Mr. Simpson?

Like a hose, your wrinkled highness.

I've changed my mind. I decided I don't want these shoes.

Hey, wait a minute. What happened here?

Well, my faithful dog was bringing me my shoes and they fell apart in his mouth.

I'm sorry, sir. Our warranty doesn't cover fire, theft, or acts of dog.

Big cookie.

Well, aloha!

Would you like a free sample?

The price is right.

Mmmm. Macamadamia nuts.

If you'd like to buy some, they're only a dollar each.

Oh, so that's your little plan! Get us addicted, then jack up the price! Well, you win.

Property of Hom-er J. Simp-son. Hands off.

Look, Mom, I finished my patch. It depicts the two greatest musical influences in my life.

Miss Winthrop, I was thinking...

On the left is Mr. Largo, my music teacher at school. He taught me that even the noblest concerto can be drained of its beauty and soul. And on the right is Bleeding Gums Murphy. He taught me that music is like a fire in your belly that comes out of your mouth, so you better stick an instrument in front of it.

And look!

Come on, Homer. I want you to see what your sick little girl did.

MY QUILT! Six generations, gone.

Now Marge, honey, honey, honey. Come on. Come on, don't get upset. It's not the end of the world. We all loved that quilt, but you can't get too attached to...

No, MY COOKIE!

This is not happening! This is not happening!

Everybody in the kitchen! We're having a family meeting!

We never had a family meeting before.

We never had a problem with a family member we can give away before.

Homer, what are you saying?

I'm saying...

No way! You can't give my dog away! I'll set fire to my hair! I'll rip up all my clothes! I'll put sugar in the gas tank!

I've suffered as much as anyone at the paws of this dog. But when I look into his vacant brown eyes, I just can't bear to let him go. I'm sure Mom agrees with me.

No, I'm afraid I agree with your father.

You do? Ha ha, ha ha ha!

Homer, please. It's not just the quilt. He's a nice dog, but he chews up everything. He doesn't obey. He's not even housebroken. And we've spent all this money on an obedience school and I don't see any improvement.

All right, all right. If Santa's Little Helper studies real hard and passes his finals and becomes a perfect dog, can we keep him then?

Tch, tch. Oh, dear.

...since you get paid either way, would it be a big deal to just let my dog pass?

Dad, this is our pet. We can question his integrity and disposition, but we can't question his heart. Are you trying to teach us that the way to solve a problem with something you love is to throw it away?

Oh Lisa, if they're ever going to pull the plug on me, I want you in my corner, honey.

Oh, all right. If he passes obedience school, we can keep him.

All right!

See boy, it's not so hard. Here, roll over... roll over... like this.

Congratulations, sonny. You've earned a toffee.

Oh, thank you, you moldy old maid.

Homer, can't we place this ad after the dog fails his test?

No, we have to commit ourselves. Now take this down. "Free to loving home. World's most brilliant dog. Says 'I love you' on command."

Type! Type!

Now, sit! I said sit!

Uh... Take a walk!

Sniff that other dog's butt! See, he does exactly what I tell him.

Oh no, we'd never give him away, but, we're moving to another country where dogs are forbidden. Hear what? Oh, sure. C'mere, boy! Put that prowler down. Come here! Come on boy! Say it, boy! Say "I love you" for the nice man! I lub you. Good dog! Good doggie! Isn't that amazing? See you soon. Woooo! Wooo!

A lot of you think your dogs have mastered the "stay" command. Let's see if they can "stay" away from this Beef Wellington.

Now... stayyy!

Stay boy! Stay! Stay! Stayyy!!

Oh, he'd be very happy at my farm. You know, people think only mules can pull carts. Impatient people think that, but patient people know better.

Uh, you can pick him up tomorrow.

I see. Rubber stamp, thank you very much, next in line! Is that it?

Heavens to Mergatroid! Bart, perhaps I cling to the old ways like a well-chewed shoe as the traditions I was weaned on are put to sleep or neutered, one by one. But my time has not passed yet! The world does not need another college graduate who doesn't know how to sit!

He'll sit, he'll sit. Come on, boy. Sit! Sit!

Pull the chain!

Correct the dog!

I don't want to strangle my dog.

PULL THE BLOODY CHAIN, BOY!

I'm sorry, boy. You can't help being dumb.

Hmmm, what are you doing, dear?

Sewing a new quilt. You know, it's one thing to be a link in a chain. It's another to start one of your own.

This patch commemorates the destruction of the old quilt.

Well, you certainly captured the moment. Hmmm .