jamesliu23/simpsons · Datasets at Hugging Face

text stringlengths 7 697
Hey, Homer, come in here.
Hi, Moe. Where's that waitress of yours?
Ah, she left to pursue a movie career. Frankly I think she was better off here.
Moe, sorry I lost you hundreds of thousands of dollars.
Oh, hey, hey. Maybe some things are too good to be kept a secret.
I guess so.
Compliments of the house. One "Flaming Homer".
Ahh. Thanks, Moe. You're the greatest friend a guy could ever have.
Hey, do you think Aerosmith will be in tonight?
I doubt it.
It's a breakthrough product, sir: scientifically formulated to rinse clean with no oily deposits.
Hot dog!
And it's mild enough to use every day.
Isn't life grand?
What's wrong sir, did I get some in your eyes? The shampoo specifically said "No More Tears".
A lovely promise, but one beyond the powers of a mere shampoo.
Sir, I feel there is something you're not telling me? Perhaps, you'd feel more comfortable talking to Snappy the Alligator.
Hello, Mr. Burns.
Snappy, do you it's hard to imagine, but I was once a barefoot boy with cheek of tan. I dreamed of grand slam homeruns and wiping out nations with the stroke of a pen.
Well there's still time for all those things, sir.
Is there? Controlled nuclear fission is a demanding mistress, Snappy.
So you feel resentful towards the plant.
Yes, yes, exactly! You know, maybe it's time I sold the old girl.
Oh, what do they want!
Maybe a nap will boost my spirits.
I'll get that whale song cassette that you like, sir.
It's not fair!
I know how you feel, Simpson. I've never seen Mr. Burns so depressed.
Uh-huh.
People think that because he's rich and powerful and cruel, he doesn't have feelings like other men. But he does. And you know what? I bet he wouldn't sell the plant for a hundred million dollars.
Ooh, that's a lot of money.
Uh, Mr. Smithers, do you have change for a dollar?
Good, good. Try to eat something.
Homer Simpson here.
Are you sure? Cuz once I open the bottle there's no refund.
Homer, it's your stockbroker. Your stock in the power plant just went up for the first time in ten years.
I own stock?
Yes, all the employees got some in exchange for waiving certain constitutional rights.
So uh, how much did it go up?
Wait a minute. Let's not do that yet. The book says we have to make a little small talk before you get down to business. Everybody alive?
Yeah...
Like any sports?
Sure...
Ever go dancing?
Not any more...
We should get together sometime.
That'd be great.
There. Now we trust each other.
Well... how are you?
Near death. I'm renewing my notary license on a weekly basis.
Uh-huh. So what's my stock up to?
Let me punch that up on the computer.
Twenty five cents a share.
What should I do?
Well, let me put it this way. You'll get twenty-five dollars if you sell now.
Sell! Sell! Sell! Woo hoo! Twenty-five dollars!
Ooooh... ooh, hot wax... ooh, hammer...
Bart! Bart! Turn to the financial channel! Aunt Patty says our stock is skyrocketing!
Unconfirmed takeover rumors have pushed Burns Worldwide from one eighth to fifty-two and a quarter...
Your father's stock is worth fifty-two hundred dollars!
Wow, fifty-two hundred smackers.
Hey, Homer. Wanna Duff?
No, I'd like a bottle of Henry K. Duff's Private Reserve.
For your information, I just made a cool twenty-five dollars playing the market. Buy low, sell high, that's my motto. I may just quit my job at the power plant to become a full-time stock market guy.
Have a Duff, boys!
Oh, thank you. My English is not perfect, but I have to tell you your beer is like swill to us. Do I have that right? I am saying that only a swine would drink this beer.
Yeah, but thank you anyway.
Hey, you guys aren't from around here, are you?
Ech, nein. We are from Germany. He is from the East. I am from the West.
I had a big company and he had a big company. Now we have a very big company.
We are interested in buying the power plant. Do you think the owner would ever sell it?
Well, I happen to know that he won't sell it for less than 100 million dollars.
A hundred million?
Oh, don't worry! We'll still have enough left to buy the Cleveland Browns.
It's the miracle we've been waiting for.
What are we going to spend it on?
Homer's probably buying some magic beans with it right now.
We'll have a savings account. We've never had one. Kids, I think everything is going to be okay from now on.
Hey... hey!
Oh, Homer!
You heard?
We heard! Isn't it wonderful? We have some great plans for that money.
Well, I'm afraid I had some great plans, too.
What do you mean?
I spent it on beer.
Surprise surprise.
You spent fifty-two hundred dollars on beer?
Fifty-two hundred dollars? What are you talking about?
What? I sold it all for twenty-five bucks.
Come on everybody. It makes you feel better.
Hey, Homer.
Did you buy this car with your stock money?
Sure did. And the great thing about it is everybody got rich. For once, all us working stiffs got a break.
Hey, wait till you see Lenny. He just got back from the plastic surgeon.
Jeez Lenny, looks like you got the works.
Well it started out as an eye tuck, but the stock kept going up.
Hey, come here, Mr. Burns is on TV.
Mr. Burns, we've heard that a German consortium has offered to purchase the plant. Any comment?
You'll see the Statue of Liberty wearing lederhosen before you see Germans running my plant!
Well then, sir, why are you meeting with them?

Hey, Homer, come in here.

Hi, Moe. Where's that waitress of yours?

Ah, she left to pursue a movie career. Frankly I think she was better off here.

Moe, sorry I lost you hundreds of thousands of dollars.

Oh, hey, hey. Maybe some things are too good to be kept a secret.

I guess so.

Compliments of the house. One "Flaming Homer".

Ahh. Thanks, Moe. You're the greatest friend a guy could ever have.

Hey, do you think Aerosmith will be in tonight?

I doubt it.

It's a breakthrough product, sir: scientifically formulated to rinse clean with no oily deposits.

Hot dog!

And it's mild enough to use every day.

Isn't life grand?

What's wrong sir, did I get some in your eyes? The shampoo specifically said "No More Tears".

A lovely promise, but one beyond the powers of a mere shampoo.

Sir, I feel there is something you're not telling me? Perhaps, you'd feel more comfortable talking to Snappy the Alligator.

Hello, Mr. Burns.

Snappy, do you it's hard to imagine, but I was once a barefoot boy with cheek of tan. I dreamed of grand slam homeruns and wiping out nations with the stroke of a pen.

Well there's still time for all those things, sir.

Is there? Controlled nuclear fission is a demanding mistress, Snappy.

So you feel resentful towards the plant.

Yes, yes, exactly! You know, maybe it's time I sold the old girl.

Oh, what do they want!

Maybe a nap will boost my spirits.

I'll get that whale song cassette that you like, sir.

It's not fair!

I know how you feel, Simpson. I've never seen Mr. Burns so depressed.

Uh-huh.

People think that because he's rich and powerful and cruel, he doesn't have feelings like other men. But he does. And you know what? I bet he wouldn't sell the plant for a hundred million dollars.

Ooh, that's a lot of money.

Uh, Mr. Smithers, do you have change for a dollar?

Good, good. Try to eat something.

Homer Simpson here.

Are you sure? Cuz once I open the bottle there's no refund.

Homer, it's your stockbroker. Your stock in the power plant just went up for the first time in ten years.

I own stock?

Yes, all the employees got some in exchange for waiving certain constitutional rights.

So uh, how much did it go up?

Wait a minute. Let's not do that yet. The book says we have to make a little small talk before you get down to business. Everybody alive?

Yeah...

Like any sports?

Sure...

Ever go dancing?

Not any more...

We should get together sometime.

That'd be great.

There. Now we trust each other.

Well... how are you?

Near death. I'm renewing my notary license on a weekly basis.

Uh-huh. So what's my stock up to?

Let me punch that up on the computer.

Twenty five cents a share.

What should I do?

Well, let me put it this way. You'll get twenty-five dollars if you sell now.

Sell! Sell! Sell! Woo hoo! Twenty-five dollars!

Ooooh... ooh, hot wax... ooh, hammer...

Bart! Bart! Turn to the financial channel! Aunt Patty says our stock is skyrocketing!

Unconfirmed takeover rumors have pushed Burns Worldwide from one eighth to fifty-two and a quarter...

Your father's stock is worth fifty-two hundred dollars!

Wow, fifty-two hundred smackers.

Hey, Homer. Wanna Duff?

No, I'd like a bottle of Henry K. Duff's Private Reserve.

For your information, I just made a cool twenty-five dollars playing the market. Buy low, sell high, that's my motto. I may just quit my job at the power plant to become a full-time stock market guy.

Have a Duff, boys!

Oh, thank you. My English is not perfect, but I have to tell you your beer is like swill to us. Do I have that right? I am saying that only a swine would drink this beer.

Yeah, but thank you anyway.

Hey, you guys aren't from around here, are you?

Ech, nein. We are from Germany. He is from the East. I am from the West.

I had a big company and he had a big company. Now we have a very big company.

We are interested in buying the power plant. Do you think the owner would ever sell it?

Well, I happen to know that he won't sell it for less than 100 million dollars.

A hundred million?

Oh, don't worry! We'll still have enough left to buy the Cleveland Browns.

It's the miracle we've been waiting for.

What are we going to spend it on?

Homer's probably buying some magic beans with it right now.

We'll have a savings account. We've never had one. Kids, I think everything is going to be okay from now on.

Hey... hey!

Oh, Homer!

You heard?

We heard! Isn't it wonderful? We have some great plans for that money.

Well, I'm afraid I had some great plans, too.

What do you mean?

I spent it on beer.

Surprise surprise.

You spent fifty-two hundred dollars on beer?

Fifty-two hundred dollars? What are you talking about?

What? I sold it all for twenty-five bucks.

Come on everybody. It makes you feel better.

Hey, Homer.

Did you buy this car with your stock money?

Sure did. And the great thing about it is everybody got rich. For once, all us working stiffs got a break.

Hey, wait till you see Lenny. He just got back from the plastic surgeon.

Jeez Lenny, looks like you got the works.

Well it started out as an eye tuck, but the stock kept going up.

Hey, come here, Mr. Burns is on TV.

Mr. Burns, we've heard that a German consortium has offered to purchase the plant. Any comment?

You'll see the Statue of Liberty wearing lederhosen before you see Germans running my plant!

Well then, sir, why are you meeting with them?