jamesliu23/simpsons · Datasets at Hugging Face

text stringlengths 7 697
I didn't do it.
Don't worry about your wee fish, Lass. They're going to a better place.
Bart, that's one month's detention.
Mrs. Krabappel, we're all upset by the untimely deaths of Stinky and Wrinkles. But life goes on. So, if I could just have my yo-yo back...
Bart, if I were you, and you were me, would you give back the yo-yo?
Here you go... Just kidding. Here you go... Just kidding.
Well, would you?
Absolutely.
What's eatin' you, woman? Your personal ad said you wanted a man. Well, you got yourself a humdinger.
I don't know. I guess I expected something different from your photo.
Don't let my age fool you. Just cause there's a little snow on the roof... I forget how the rest of that goes.
Is it that girl with the lazy eye patch?
One months detention... She'll pay for this. Yup, there's your problem... someone jammed a Malibu Stacy head down here.
Edna, happy hour in the Teacher's Lounge.
Just a sec.
Huh. One plus one equals two? Recently divorced fourth-grade teacher wishes to meet man age 18-60. Object: save me. Write Edna K, Box 402.
Dear Edna, I've never answered a personal ad before, but I found yours irresistible. My name is...
...Woodrow. I like holding hands and dinner by candle light. And oh, yes, I really hate yo-yos.
Oh, Woodrow.
Maybe we should let the dog in?
Marge, dogs love the outdoors.
I think he needs a dog house.
Yeah, but what're ya gonna do?
I'll bet we could buy a nice doghouse for fifty dollars.
Marge, you're a tool of the dog house makers.
I am not!
Yes you are. You've been brainwashed by all those dog house commercials on TV. I know, I'll build him a dog house.
Oh, I don't know...
Don't worry. I just drew up a little blueprint. Now let me walk you through it.
This is the door. He goes through that. This is the roof. And this happy character here is the sun. He shines down on the house, see.
How was detention today, dear?
Oh, not bad. I'm starting to get the hang of the floor waxer.
"Dear Woodrow, I must admit I'm intrigued. You're not like the other men I've met."
Yeah. I'm the 28th President of the United States.
Mmm! Could it be there's a special someone you're not telling me about?
Oh, please.
"But I've had some bad experiences with these ads. So, I'd like to learn more about you. Please write back soon. Here's a photo that'll get your pencil moving."
You've got a date with a xerox machine.
Stupid lumber...
Dammit! Son of a --
The hell with this!
Fella came into the store today and asked for change for a dollar. Well sir, I gave him three quarters by mistake. Took me the whole afternoon to track him down.
Todd, would you like some mixed vegetables?
Hell no!
What did you say?
I said I don't want any damn vegetables.
All right, that's it, young man. No Bible stories for you tonight.
Weren't you a little hard on him?
Well, you knew I had a temper when you married me.
Ned Flanders is on the phone.
If this is about that stupid quarter again -- Hello, Ned.
Sorry to bother you, Reverend Lovejoy, but I'm kind of in a tizzy. Our son Todd just told us he didn't want to eat his "damn vegetables."
Well, you know kids and vegetables. What was it, asparagus?
No Reverend, the point is, he said a bad word.
Oh, oh right, yeah. Kids usually pick these things up from someplace. Find out who's doing it and... uh, direct them to the Bible.
Where in the Bible?
Uh... page nine-hundred.
But Reverend...
Damn Flanders.
Hey, Lis, a moment of your time.
Suppose I was writing a second letter to a girl and I already used up my A material. What should I say?
Is it Terri?
Is it that exchange student Mx!pa?
No! It's not for me. It's homework.
Sure it is. Hey Bart, let's do some homework.
Golly, Sergeant Carter, I can't fix your jeep. But maybe this will make it up to you. Galveston, oh Galveston...
Is this all he watches?
Oh, he used to watch "Davy and Goliath," but he thought the idea of a talking dog was blasphemous.
Hey Mom, did you save the love letters Dad sent you?
Of course I saved them.
Although actually there's only one. And it's more of a love postcard, from some brewery he visited.
"Maybe it's the beer talking, Marge, but you've got a butt that won't quit. They got those big chewy pretzels here... ... five dollars? Get outta here."
Wow, a side of dad I've never seen.
Penny for your thoughts, Mrs. K.
I was just thinking... oh, you wouldn't be interested.
Try me. Sometimes it helps to talk.
Well, I was just wishing I could meet a man who... likes the way I look first thing in the morning... laughs at my jokes...
Uh-huh.
...can fix my car...
Oh yeah.
Dear Edna: Your photo took my breath away.
"Truly, yours is a butt that won't quit. Yesterday morning, I put your picture up in my garage to inspire me while I gapped my spark plugs..."
At last we've built the mission.
Finally, the villagers have a place to pray.
Bringing in the Sheaves.
Bringing in the Sheaves.
"We shall come rejoicing, bringing in the Sheaves."
He's not getting it from his brother, that's for darn sure.
Damn, crappy nails! Super glue my butt!
What is it, Flanders?
I'm afraid I have a bone to pick with you.
Look, if this is about your camcorder -- I lost it, okay?
No, I-I came to talk to you about your potty-mouth.
What the hell are you talking about?
Look Homer, all of us pull a few boners now and then... go off half-cocked and make asses of ourselves. So, I don't want to be hard on you... but I just wish you wouldn't curse in front of my boys.
Oh come on now, Flanders, I don't complain about your your... moustache.
What's wrong with my moustache?
Makes you look like you've got something to hide.
People are talking... lots of people.
Okay, mister, you've got yourself a deal. I'll shave off the soup strainer, if you give the sailor talk the old heave-ho, okay?

I didn't do it.

Don't worry about your wee fish, Lass. They're going to a better place.

Bart, that's one month's detention.

Mrs. Krabappel, we're all upset by the untimely deaths of Stinky and Wrinkles. But life goes on. So, if I could just have my yo-yo back...

Bart, if I were you, and you were me, would you give back the yo-yo?

Here you go... Just kidding. Here you go... Just kidding.

Well, would you?

Absolutely.

What's eatin' you, woman? Your personal ad said you wanted a man. Well, you got yourself a humdinger.

I don't know. I guess I expected something different from your photo.

Don't let my age fool you. Just cause there's a little snow on the roof... I forget how the rest of that goes.

Is it that girl with the lazy eye patch?

One months detention... She'll pay for this. Yup, there's your problem... someone jammed a Malibu Stacy head down here.

Edna, happy hour in the Teacher's Lounge.

Just a sec.

Huh. One plus one equals two? Recently divorced fourth-grade teacher wishes to meet man age 18-60. Object: save me. Write Edna K, Box 402.

Dear Edna, I've never answered a personal ad before, but I found yours irresistible. My name is...

...Woodrow. I like holding hands and dinner by candle light. And oh, yes, I really hate yo-yos.

Oh, Woodrow.

Maybe we should let the dog in?

Marge, dogs love the outdoors.

I think he needs a dog house.

Yeah, but what're ya gonna do?

I'll bet we could buy a nice doghouse for fifty dollars.

Marge, you're a tool of the dog house makers.

I am not!

Yes you are. You've been brainwashed by all those dog house commercials on TV. I know, I'll build him a dog house.

Oh, I don't know...

Don't worry. I just drew up a little blueprint. Now let me walk you through it.

This is the door. He goes through that. This is the roof. And this happy character here is the sun. He shines down on the house, see.

How was detention today, dear?

Oh, not bad. I'm starting to get the hang of the floor waxer.

"Dear Woodrow, I must admit I'm intrigued. You're not like the other men I've met."

Yeah. I'm the 28th President of the United States.

Mmm! Could it be there's a special someone you're not telling me about?

Oh, please.

"But I've had some bad experiences with these ads. So, I'd like to learn more about you. Please write back soon. Here's a photo that'll get your pencil moving."

You've got a date with a xerox machine.

Stupid lumber...

Dammit! Son of a --

The hell with this!

Fella came into the store today and asked for change for a dollar. Well sir, I gave him three quarters by mistake. Took me the whole afternoon to track him down.

Todd, would you like some mixed vegetables?

Hell no!

What did you say?

I said I don't want any damn vegetables.

All right, that's it, young man. No Bible stories for you tonight.

Weren't you a little hard on him?

Well, you knew I had a temper when you married me.

Ned Flanders is on the phone.

If this is about that stupid quarter again -- Hello, Ned.

Sorry to bother you, Reverend Lovejoy, but I'm kind of in a tizzy. Our son Todd just told us he didn't want to eat his "damn vegetables."

Well, you know kids and vegetables. What was it, asparagus?

No Reverend, the point is, he said a bad word.

Oh, oh right, yeah. Kids usually pick these things up from someplace. Find out who's doing it and... uh, direct them to the Bible.

Where in the Bible?

Uh... page nine-hundred.

But Reverend...

Damn Flanders.

Hey, Lis, a moment of your time.

Suppose I was writing a second letter to a girl and I already used up my A material. What should I say?

Is it Terri?

Is it that exchange student Mx!pa?

No! It's not for me. It's homework.

Sure it is. Hey Bart, let's do some homework.

Golly, Sergeant Carter, I can't fix your jeep. But maybe this will make it up to you. Galveston, oh Galveston...

Is this all he watches?

Oh, he used to watch "Davy and Goliath," but he thought the idea of a talking dog was blasphemous.

Hey Mom, did you save the love letters Dad sent you?

Of course I saved them.

Although actually there's only one. And it's more of a love postcard, from some brewery he visited.

"Maybe it's the beer talking, Marge, but you've got a butt that won't quit. They got those big chewy pretzels here... ... five dollars? Get outta here."

Wow, a side of dad I've never seen.

Penny for your thoughts, Mrs. K.

I was just thinking... oh, you wouldn't be interested.

Try me. Sometimes it helps to talk.

Well, I was just wishing I could meet a man who... likes the way I look first thing in the morning... laughs at my jokes...

Uh-huh.

...can fix my car...

Oh yeah.

Dear Edna: Your photo took my breath away.

"Truly, yours is a butt that won't quit. Yesterday morning, I put your picture up in my garage to inspire me while I gapped my spark plugs..."

At last we've built the mission.

Finally, the villagers have a place to pray.

Bringing in the Sheaves.

"We shall come rejoicing, bringing in the Sheaves."

He's not getting it from his brother, that's for darn sure.

Damn, crappy nails! Super glue my butt!

What is it, Flanders?

I'm afraid I have a bone to pick with you.

Look, if this is about your camcorder -- I lost it, okay?

No, I-I came to talk to you about your potty-mouth.

What the hell are you talking about?

Look Homer, all of us pull a few boners now and then... go off half-cocked and make asses of ourselves. So, I don't want to be hard on you... but I just wish you wouldn't curse in front of my boys.

Oh come on now, Flanders, I don't complain about your your... moustache.

What's wrong with my moustache?

Makes you look like you've got something to hide.

People are talking... lots of people.

Okay, mister, you've got yourself a deal. I'll shave off the soup strainer, if you give the sailor talk the old heave-ho, okay?