jamesliu23/simpsons · Datasets at Hugging Face

text stringlengths 7 697
That's for hiccups.
Hey, look at this.
Softball starts this week.
Softball?
Who's next?
What's the matter with you guys?
Homer, last year we were two and twenty-eight.
Look, I know it wasn't our best season.
Actually, it was.
Well, this year's gonna be different.
Oh yeah. What makes you so damn sure?
I have a secret weapon.
Hey, he's been holding' out on us.
A secret weapon? I wonder what it could be.
Come here boy, I want to show you something.
What's that? A home-made bat?
It's something very special. A home-made bat. It all started last year, during a terrible thunderstorm, when I locked myself out of the house...
Sheltering myself with a large piece of sheet metal, I ran for cover under the tallest tree I could find.
Something told me this was a very special, very magical, piece of wood that I could make a bat out of.
I put my homemade football on hold and set to work making the world's greatest bat.
Homie, come to bed.
Homer, go back to the garage.
And here it is.
Wow! How many home runs you gonna hit with that?
Let's see... we play thirty games... ten at bats a game... three thousand.
Hit one here, Charlie.
Okay, let's go over the ground rules. You can't leave first until you chug a beer. Any man scoring has to chug a beer. You have to chug a beer at the top of all odd numbered innings. Oh, and the fourth inning is the beer inning.
Hey, we know how to play softball.
Play ball!
Attention all units! Attention all units! Armored car being robbed at...
Turn off that damn radio!
And the next man wants to hit the ball too. And he does. And there he goes off in that direction. And everyone is happy.
Uh, Mom, why don't you let me call the game.
That's all right dear. I can do it.
Hey, stop that!
Okay, Homer, bases loaded and you're up. Where's that secret weapon?
Check it out, boys. My magic bat.
Yeah, I got a magic bat, too.
And I got an enchanted jock strap.
Yeah, just watch.
Woo hoooooo!
Ha ha. Cops can't win!
Get his license and registration.
Right, Chief.
Wow, Dad.
Homer, can I get you a beer?
No, I want to get him a beer.
Kids, kids, kids. You can each get me a beer. But first let's see it again in super slow motion.
Such a mighty wallop.
Hey, I got my magic bat off a piano.
My sister let me use her wooden leg.
Good news, sir! The plant's softball team has won again. If we beat Shelbyville next week we capture the pennant.
Did you hear that, Ari? My boys need only to thump your tub and the title is ours.
Ha!! My gladiators from my power plant will crush your team like nine flabby grapes.
I disagree.
Would you care to bet a million dollars on that?
Oh, if we're going to bet, why don't we make it interesting?
What? A million dollars isn't interesting to you?
Oh, did you say a million? I'm... I'm sorry, my mind was elsewhere. I thought you would start with a small amount, then we would bait each other and... well, you know how it goes. Yes... certainly, a million will be fine.
Smithers, I've been thinking. Is it wrong to cheat in order to win a million dollar bet?
Yes, sir.
Let me rephrase that. Is it wrong if I cheat in order to win a million dollar bet?
No, sir! Whom should I kill?
I did! Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo! In your face, Strawberry!
No, Smithers. I've decided to bring in a few ringers. Professional baseballers.
We'll give them token jobs at the plant and have them play on our softball team. Honus Wagner, Cap Anson, Mordecai "Three Finger" Brown...
Uh... sir...
What is it, Smithers?
I'm afraid... all those players have retired and... uh... passed on. In fact, your right fielder has been dead for a hundred and thirty years.
Damnation! All right, find me some good players. Living players! Scour the professional ranks. The American League. The National League. The Negro Leagues.
I'm on my way, sir.
Oh, and Smithers... You have twenty-four hours.
I get $50,000 to play one game?
That's right, Mr. Canseco.
Well, it's a pay cut. But what the hey, it sounds like fun.
Hey, sorry! I thought you were a deer.
That's okay, happens all the time. Are you Mike Scioscia?
That's me.
Uh, how do you like working for the Dodgers?
Well, it's okay. But sometimes I wish I had something a little more blue collar. You know, with big machines and cool dials and stuff, like an oil refinery or a hydro-electric plant.
We should talk.
And this is Elvis' rec room. When the King wasn't rehearsing or exercising, he liked to unwind by watching up to three TVs at once.
Man, oh, man, what a lifestyle.
Excuse me, are you Ozzie Smith?
I have a proposition for you...
Hello, are you Don Mattingly?
Yes, yes I am. Come in. Come in. Can I get you something? What's your name?
How would you like to be a ringer on a small town company softball team?
Would I!
And now I'd like to introduce the new members of our happy power plant family. Our new security guard... Roger Clemens...
our new janitor, Wade Boggs...
How you doin'?
our new lunchroom cashier... Ken Griffey, Jr....
Hey, what's up guys?
Our new, well uh, we'll make up jobs for these fellows later... Please say hello to Steve Sax, Don Mattingly, Darryl Strawberry, Ozzie Smith, Mike Scioscia, and Jose Canseco.
Oh, by the way, you new fellows, there's a sign up sheet for the company softball team on the bulletin board over there. Eh, just in case you wish to play.
Hey, wait a minute, Mr. Burns. With them on the team, you won't need us!
Well... duh. You, Scioscia, sign up...
Thanks just the same, but I'm here to run the solid contaminant encapsulator.
One more outburst like that and I'll send you back to the big leagues!

That's for hiccups.

Hey, look at this.

Softball starts this week.

Softball?

Who's next?

What's the matter with you guys?

Homer, last year we were two and twenty-eight.

Look, I know it wasn't our best season.

Actually, it was.

Well, this year's gonna be different.

Oh yeah. What makes you so damn sure?

I have a secret weapon.

Hey, he's been holding' out on us.

A secret weapon? I wonder what it could be.

Come here boy, I want to show you something.

What's that? A home-made bat?

It's something very special. A home-made bat. It all started last year, during a terrible thunderstorm, when I locked myself out of the house...

Sheltering myself with a large piece of sheet metal, I ran for cover under the tallest tree I could find.

Something told me this was a very special, very magical, piece of wood that I could make a bat out of.

I put my homemade football on hold and set to work making the world's greatest bat.

Homie, come to bed.

Homer, go back to the garage.

And here it is.

Wow! How many home runs you gonna hit with that?

Let's see... we play thirty games... ten at bats a game... three thousand.

Hit one here, Charlie.

Okay, let's go over the ground rules. You can't leave first until you chug a beer. Any man scoring has to chug a beer. You have to chug a beer at the top of all odd numbered innings. Oh, and the fourth inning is the beer inning.

Hey, we know how to play softball.

Play ball!

Attention all units! Attention all units! Armored car being robbed at...

Turn off that damn radio!

And the next man wants to hit the ball too. And he does. And there he goes off in that direction. And everyone is happy.

Uh, Mom, why don't you let me call the game.

That's all right dear. I can do it.

Hey, stop that!

Okay, Homer, bases loaded and you're up. Where's that secret weapon?

Check it out, boys. My magic bat.

Yeah, I got a magic bat, too.

And I got an enchanted jock strap.

Yeah, just watch.

Woo hoooooo!

Ha ha. Cops can't win!

Get his license and registration.

Right, Chief.

Wow, Dad.

Homer, can I get you a beer?

No, I want to get him a beer.

Kids, kids, kids. You can each get me a beer. But first let's see it again in super slow motion.

Such a mighty wallop.

Hey, I got my magic bat off a piano.

My sister let me use her wooden leg.

Good news, sir! The plant's softball team has won again. If we beat Shelbyville next week we capture the pennant.

Did you hear that, Ari? My boys need only to thump your tub and the title is ours.

Ha!! My gladiators from my power plant will crush your team like nine flabby grapes.

I disagree.

Would you care to bet a million dollars on that?

Oh, if we're going to bet, why don't we make it interesting?

What? A million dollars isn't interesting to you?

Oh, did you say a million? I'm... I'm sorry, my mind was elsewhere. I thought you would start with a small amount, then we would bait each other and... well, you know how it goes. Yes... certainly, a million will be fine.

Smithers, I've been thinking. Is it wrong to cheat in order to win a million dollar bet?

Yes, sir.

Let me rephrase that. Is it wrong if I cheat in order to win a million dollar bet?

No, sir! Whom should I kill?

I did! Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo! In your face, Strawberry!

No, Smithers. I've decided to bring in a few ringers. Professional baseballers.

We'll give them token jobs at the plant and have them play on our softball team. Honus Wagner, Cap Anson, Mordecai "Three Finger" Brown...

Uh... sir...

What is it, Smithers?

I'm afraid... all those players have retired and... uh... passed on. In fact, your right fielder has been dead for a hundred and thirty years.

Damnation! All right, find me some good players. Living players! Scour the professional ranks. The American League. The National League. The Negro Leagues.

I'm on my way, sir.

Oh, and Smithers... You have twenty-four hours.

I get $50,000 to play one game?

That's right, Mr. Canseco.

Well, it's a pay cut. But what the hey, it sounds like fun.

Hey, sorry! I thought you were a deer.

That's okay, happens all the time. Are you Mike Scioscia?

That's me.

Uh, how do you like working for the Dodgers?

Well, it's okay. But sometimes I wish I had something a little more blue collar. You know, with big machines and cool dials and stuff, like an oil refinery or a hydro-electric plant.

We should talk.

And this is Elvis' rec room. When the King wasn't rehearsing or exercising, he liked to unwind by watching up to three TVs at once.

Man, oh, man, what a lifestyle.

Excuse me, are you Ozzie Smith?

I have a proposition for you...

Hello, are you Don Mattingly?

Yes, yes I am. Come in. Come in. Can I get you something? What's your name?

How would you like to be a ringer on a small town company softball team?

Would I!

And now I'd like to introduce the new members of our happy power plant family. Our new security guard... Roger Clemens...

our new janitor, Wade Boggs...

How you doin'?

our new lunchroom cashier... Ken Griffey, Jr....

Hey, what's up guys?

Our new, well uh, we'll make up jobs for these fellows later... Please say hello to Steve Sax, Don Mattingly, Darryl Strawberry, Ozzie Smith, Mike Scioscia, and Jose Canseco.

Oh, by the way, you new fellows, there's a sign up sheet for the company softball team on the bulletin board over there. Eh, just in case you wish to play.

Hey, wait a minute, Mr. Burns. With them on the team, you won't need us!

Well... duh. You, Scioscia, sign up...

Thanks just the same, but I'm here to run the solid contaminant encapsulator.

One more outburst like that and I'll send you back to the big leagues!