text
stringlengths 0
1.11k
|
|---|
Brad: |
What are you doing? |
Morty: |
Ummm |
Brad: |
Wait, wait, Were you about to talk... to her? |
Morty: |
Well, I mean, I was thinking about it. |
Brad: |
Dude, Stay in your league! Look at how hot she is! You don't see me going to a bigger school, in a wealthier district and hittin' on their prettiest girl! |
Jessica: |
Gee, thanks, Brad. |
Brad: |
I throw balls far. You want good words, date a languager. |
Jerry: |
Eh, Try not to worry about it, Morty. You're a good kid, and there's not a premium on that right now, but you'll be getting girls sometime after Brad's out of shape. |
Morty: |
You're missing the point, Dad. I don't want girls, I want Jessica! |
Jerry: |
Ahhh, well, I remember feeling that way about a young lady named your mom, and that's not an urban dis, your mom was my Jessica. I remember the first time I saw her, I thought... |
Rick: |
I should get her pregnant, then she'll have to marry me. |
Jerry: |
I beg your pardon, Rick, INAPPROPRIATE. |
Rick: |
Sorry, please proceed with your story about banging my daughter in high school. I'm not sure you want to take romantic advice from this guy, Morty, his marriage is hanging from a thread. |
Jerry: |
My marriage is fine, thank you. |
Rick: |
Jerry, it's your house, whatever you say it is is how it is, but I think a blind man could see that Beth is looking for the door. I barely have a reason to care and even I noticed. |
Morty: |
Come on, Rick, don't talk about my parents like that. |
Rick: |
Listen, Morty, I hate to break it to you, but what people call "love" is a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. It hits hard, Morty, then it slowly fades, leaving you stranded in a failing marriage. I did it, your parents are gonna do it. Break the cycle, Morty. Rise above. Focus on science. |
Morty: |
Alright, well, I'm gonna go get dressed for the dance. |
Jerry: |
Yeah, I'm just going to...check on your mom. |
Rick: |
Morty, hand me that screwdriver, huh? I'm almost finished making my ionic defibulizer, Morty. It's gonna be great. |
Morty: |
Hey, listen, Rick. You know how you said that, you know... love is a chemical and all that stuff from earlier? Well, I was thinkn', you know, www... could you make some sort of chemical thing happen inside of Jessica's mind, you know, so where she falls in love with me and all that sort of thing, you know, like maybe make some sort of love potion or something? |
Rick: |
Morty, that's such a poor use of my time, it's beneath me. Hand me the screwdriver. |
Morty: |
YOU KNOW WHAT, NO RICK! I'M NOT GONNA HAND YOU THE SCREWDRIVER! Uh, I'm never gonna hand you anything ever again, Rick. I'm always helping you with this and that and the other thing. Www...what about me, Rick? Www... why can't you just help me out once, once, for once? |
Rick: |
You're growing up fast, Morty. You're growing into a real big thorn straight up into my ass! Listen, this is called oxytocin. I extracted it from a vole. You know what a VOLE is, Morty, you know what a vole is? |
Rick: |
It's a, it's a rodent that mates for life, Morty. This is the chemical release in the mammal's brain, ...that makes it fall in love. Alright Morty, I just gotta combine it with some of your DNA. |
Morty: |
Oh well, okay... |
Rick: |
A hair, Morty, I need one of your hairs! This isn't Game Of Thrones. |
Morty: |
Oww! |
Rick: |
Alright, Morty, whoever you smear this stuff on will fall in love with you, and only you, forever. Ya happy now, Morty? |
Morty: |
Heck yeah! Thank you, Grandpa Rick! Hey there's no dangers or anything or side effects, right? |
Rick: |
Www.. what am I, a hack?! Go nuts, Morty, it's full proof. |
Rick: |
Ugh, unless she has the flu. |
Jerry: |
Beth, do you still love me? |
Subsets and Splits