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rick-and-morty-script

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Th-thanks, snuffles.
Snuffles:
Begin phase two.
Morty:
Mmm. Thank you, Fido. Rick! I thought you were dead!
Rick:
No, no, no, I was just playing dead. Good news, though, Morty. This whole thing's gonna be over really soon.
Morty:
What?
Rick:
It's a dream, Morty. We're in your dog's dream. The night the dogs captured us, after you cried and crapped your pants, we all went to sleep. Then I used my dream inceptors to put the two of us inside snuffles' dream.
Morty:
But I-it's been like a whole year!
Rick:
It's been six hours. Dreams move one one-hundredth the speed of reality, and dog time is one-seventh human time. So, you know, every day here is like a minute. It's like "Inception," Morty, so if it's confusing and stupid, then so is everyone's favorite movie.
Morty:
Aw, man. I really liked this life. Well, at least I didn't really crap my pants.
Rick:
No, no, that happened before you went to sleep, Morty. You're sleeping in your crap right now. Out of all the things that happened to you, that was the only real thing that, you know, is that you crapped your pants. I mean, it's a mess out there. I got some on my hands, Morty, and then I got it on the dream inceptor, and a piece fell in my mouth.
Morty:
Aw, man, geez! Seriously?
Rick:
Look, d-d-d-don't worry about it, Morty. Here, here take these, Morty. Take these.
Morty:
Are these pills supposed to wake me up, or something?
Rick:
Close. It's gonna make your kidneys shut down.
Morty:
What?!
Rick:
It's necessary for the plan, Morty. Don't even trip, dawg.
Snuffles:
Anything. Anything for my precious Morty.
Snuffles:
To hell with my kingdom, bean counter. I would trade it all for my human's health and happiness.
Snuffles:
We are not them! We are not them.
Snuffles:
Taking over the human's world will lead to nothing but more heartbreak, more cruelty. Instead, we will go to a new world and colonize it with a society of intelligent dogs, one that will not make the same mistakes as humanity and one where pet insurance will be mandatory.
Morty:
I'm gonna miss you, snowball.
Snuffles:
You can call me snuffles, Morty, and I'm going to miss you, too, very much.
Beth:
Jerry?
Jerry:
I'm sorry. It's just like the end of "Old Yeller.
Beth:
Oh, Jerry. You mean because it had dogs in it.
Morty:
Wow! A whole world populated by intelligent dogs. I wonder what it'll be like, Rick.
Rick:
I think it will be great, Morty. You know it could be developed in-into a very satisfying project for people of all ages. I mean, I'd watch it, Morty, for at least 11 minutes a pop. You know, may-maybe they'll do it board-driven.
Morty:
You know, that's a real comforting idea, Rick.
Rick:
What do you know, Morty? What do you know?
Rick:
Oooh! This is how you dream, bitch.
Principal Vagina:
Principal Vagina here, don't let the name fool you, I'm very much in charge, reminding you that tonight is our annual flu season dance. I don't know how many times I have to say this but if you have the flu, stay home, the flu season dance is about awareness, not celebration. You don't bring dead babies to Passover.
Morty:
Ohhh. Okay, here we go. H-Heyy Jessica, ughh.
Jessica:
What's up Morty?
Morty:
Ugghh