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rick-and-morty-script

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Can't argue with that.
Beth:
Great. We'll see you later.
Pickle Rick:
Hey, hey, be careful with that. It's for something else. It's really important, so don't break it. Okay, I may have fucked up here. Dup, ap, ap, pap, ut, dah, pap, pap, pap, pah. T-t-tah, tah. Oh, great. Stupid cat.
Pickle Rick:
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! I know what it looks like to you, Izzy, but I'm not a snake! I've seen the YouTube videos, I know cats are scared of cucumbers and pickles because they think they're snakes. I'm not a snake! I'm a pickle, I'm a pickle!
Pickle Rick:
Whoa! Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Pickle Rick:
Oh, crap, that sun is bright.
Pickle Rick:
Okay, come on. This can't really be the way I go out. This is the mega-genius equivalent of dying on the toilet.
Pickle Rick:
So... hot. This is how I'm gonna die.
Pickle Rick:
Oh, God, moisture.
Pickle Rick:
Oh, God, the moisture! Dial it back, God! Dial it back a little bit here!
Pickle Rick:
Oh! Oh!
Pickle Rick:
Oh, God! Perpendicular, perpendicular!
Pickle Rick:
Oh, shiiit! Oh! Oh! Oh!
Pickle Rick:
Come on. That's it.
Pickle Rick:
Come get this delicious brine.
Pickle Rick:
Aah! Come on! Come on, motherfucker! Come on!
Pickle Rick:
Yes!
Summer:
How is this even family therapy if Dad's not invited and Grandpa won't come?
Morty:
Yeah, and what's courageous about eating a hot dog?
Beth:
It's nobody's choice to be here, you knobs. The family was told to get counseling by your principal, even though it's not the family that was huffing pottery glaze in the art room and desk wetting in history class.
Mr. Goldenfold:
Oh, the Smith family, minus a dad. You're patients of Dr. Wong, too?
Beth:
Temporarily. By order of the school.
Mr. Goldenfold:
Me too. How long have you all been eating poop?
Summer:
We... have never... eaten poop.
Mr. Goldenfold:
Uh, me, neither. Say, where did my family get off to?
Dr. Wong:
Smith family, I'm Dr. Wong. Come on in.
Dr. Wong:
I was told there was a grandpa that might be joining us?
Beth:
He got wrapped up in an experiment. He's a scientist. Like, legit, like on an inter-galactic, sci-fi level. His work is very --
Morty:
He turned himself into a pickle.
Beth:
Morty, Mom's talking. I'm sorry, I suppose that's a good segue into our little discipline cases here.
Dr. Wong:
Does Grandpa turn himself into a pickle a lot?
Beth:
What? No, what kind of question is that?
Dr. Wong:
The kind that wasn't designed to attack or hurt you in any way.
Beth:
Oh, Jesus Christ, one of these. No, my father has never turned himself into a pickle before. He's unpredictable and eccentric. The whole family is. Speaking of which...