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rick-and-morty-script

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Dr. Wong:
Okay, let's open things up to the whole family, and let me ask this. Why do we think Grandpa turned himself into a pickle?
Pickle Rick:
Wow. Ugh.
Beth:
I didn't say my father is perfect, I said his work is important.
Summer:
And she's saying what's important is that Grandpa lied to you to get out of coming here.
Beth:
Oh, he did not!
Dr. Wong:
Let's do an experiment here. I get the impression this family values science. So raise your hand if you feel certain you know what was in the syringe.
Beth:
Do you really not see what's happening here?
Dr. Wong:
Tell me.
Beth:
Well, Dr. Wong -- by the way, racist name -- obviously, Morty and Summer are seizing on your arbitrary pickle obsession as an end run around what was supposed to be their therapy.
Dr. Wong:
Oh, I think this pickle incident is a better path than any other to the heart of your family's dysfunction. I think it's possible that you and your father have a very specific dynamic. I don't think it's one that rewards emotion or vulnerability. I think it may punish them. I think it's possible that dynamic eroded your marriage, and is infecting your kids with a tendency to misdirect their feelings.
Beth:
Fuck you.
Beth:
Fuck both of you, too.
Pickle Rick:
By the way, you might notice that in spite of your numerous distinctive features, I never gave you a name like Scar or Stripe or Goliath. That's because, to me, you aren't special.
Pickle Rick:
God damn it, I love myself.
Pickle Rick:
Pickle Riiick!
Pickle Rick:
Get that parkour. Get that parkour!
Pickle Rick:
Hey, it's cool. Just need to find the nearest exit.
Pickle Rick:
Whoa, whoa, whoa! No need to freak out.
Pickle Rick:
Whoa! Who in the fuck's toilet is this?
Agency Director:
What is it?
Agency Director:
Where is it?
Agency Director:
We have 34 armed guards, and we can't kill a pickle?
Agency Director:
Put him on, and locate the phone he's using.
Pickle Rick:
Hi, um, can you, uh please let me out.
Agency Director:
Your mere presence in this building violates international law.
Pickle Rick:
You should know those men killed themselves.
Agency Director:
And how is that?
Pickle Rick:
They didn't let me out.
Agency Director:
Shut your mouth and do your jobs, you fucking children!
Pickle Rick:
Uh, is this not a good time or...?
Agency Director:
Some of my men are calling you "Solen'ya
Pickle Rick:
That'd be a lucky break for you.
Agency Director:
Ah.