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rick-and-morty-script

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Rick:
Man, I missed having hands and blood and a stomach.
Beth:
Really? Like, go somewhere? Yeah, let's drop the kids off and go tie one on.
Rick:
Absolutely.
Morty:
I, I liked her.
Beth:
So what are you thinking, like, Smokey's Tavern? Maybe Shoney's?
Rick:
Yeah, either one. Either one.
Rick:
You'll never get away with this, Concerto.
Rick:
This is it, Morty. We're goners. We're not getting out of this one. After everything we've been through, this is how we're gonna die. Make peace with your god.
Morty:
Oh, geez, Rick, I-I-I don't want to die!
Rick:
Jaguar!
Morty:
Who? Who was that, Rick?
Rick:
That, Morty, is why you don't go to therapy.
Rick:
Don't let any of those things get away, Morty. If their DNA gets into Earth's food chain, our entire species could be sterilized.
Morty:
Then why aren't we killing them?!
Rick:
Great. Next time I need a species sterilized, who's gonna do it for me? You?
Morty:
Oh, Rick! I-Is that the Vindibeacon? We're being called to assemble by the Vindicators!
Rick:
I refuse to answer a literal call to adventure, Morty. Let it go to voicemail!
Morty:
Rick, the Vindicators only call when the universe itself is at stake! They're first line of defense against evil! They're the guardians of the unguarded!
Rick:
They're the writers of their own press releases, Morty! They're a bunch of drama queens that spend an hour talking and twenty minutes jumping around while shit blows up. They're a phase. We did one, it was the big event of that summer. Let it die.
Morty:
I, Morty Smith, invoke my right to choose one in every ten Rick and Morty adventures. Read 'em and weep.
Rick:
God... fuckin' dammit! Fine! But don't say I didn't warn you.
Morty:
Yes! Vindicator command ship, beacon received! We're doing Vindicators Twoooooooooo!
Rick:
Whoops! Uh, Morty, you might want to freeze some sperm.
Supernova:
Vindicators, Worldender is back...
Supernova:
..and this time, he's out to end more than worlds. We have reason to believe his stronghold is located on...
Rick:
My balls.
Morty:
Rick!
Supernova:
...the Terraneus system. Once in range, Million Ants will scan for pheromone activity, which should lead us to the location of the base.
Rick:
Oh, that's Million Ants. I can't see the ants over here. It just assumed that was, uh, Turd Man. Wiggly Turd Man.
Morty:
Rick, stop!
Supernova:
Rick, you have something to add to the briefing?
Rick:
Uh, yeah, just a few more design notes. Um, this guy. The, uh... The, uh...
Rick:
Right, Crocubot. So, you're half-cold, unfeeling reptile, half-also cold, equally-unfeeling machine.