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The other day I was walking from one room to the other when my hip caught on the corner of a dresser , just enough to pull the lower body around while the upper body continued forward . Pain shot across the lower back and made me gasp . The pain was from the twist , not the impact itself - I don 't even have a bruise , but my muscles are still trying to get themselves sorted out . The weather is playing with us . Yesterday was sunny and breezy , a gorgeous day to hang laundry on the line . I did three loads - the first two were still flapping in the breeze when I felt sprinkles - which lasted less than a minute . So the third load went out , but an hour later , just before we headed out for evening errands , the skies had that ominous look about them . Not wanting to take a chance , I brought in all the wet laundry , and we headed out . I had my purse in a plastic garbage bag , and we were wearing our wind - breakers . The bundle in my hand was a wad of laundry bags - I planned to pick up dirty laundry from one of the houses . We got to the east side and the skies opened up . Stinging rain on our faces , quickly soaking us and Loco . We slogged along to the lottery where it rained harder and harder . While waiting for Miguel I wrapped a laundry bag around my legs , and put another one on his seat to keep it dry . When Miguel came back I moved the bag so he could sit down , and his seat was soaked . As were my legs - the laundry bags were not a bit water - repellent , they tricked me . Miguel parked the cart under the neighbor 's overhang . I gathered my purse , the laundry bags , the bag of keys , the can of WD - 40 , and with Loco 's leash still in my hand , I tried to get down from the cart . But my foot caught , and I lurched forward . With both hands full a tumble to the pavement would have been disasterous . I staggered a few steps but somehow stayed on my feet . Not without twisting my back muscles though . I feel like an old lady . Pulling myself up the stairs by the railing . Leaning on the counter while washing dishes . Hobbling from the bed to the bathroom . Turning onto my knees to get myself out of the tub . During the day my body gradually starts working , and I 'm able to clean my house , push furniture around , cook , and basically do most of the things I want to do . But the night tightens me up again - nothing wants to bend by the time I get up in the morning . I feel like the tin man in the Wizard of Oz - movement is the oil for my joints , and repose is the rust . I take glycosamine but I don 't think it 's helping at all - or maybe I 'd be much worse if I didn 't take it , who knows ? Too bad that WD - 40 that we carry around won 't help my body . It seems like we 've been waiting for Hurricane Rina for a long time . Last Sunday was when I really started paying attention to the storm which was not even a tropical depression at that point . Forecasts predicted the storm would reach tropical depression status by Tuesday , and never forecast a hurricane . Well , 19 hrs later and we had a hurricane , cat 1 - projected to become a cat 3 by the time it would hit us on Thursday . We were right in the path , but as experience dictates , on Monday we didn 't do anything to prepare for a hurricane . Too soon because of the unpredictability of these things . We did do a mini - prep at one house where the owners had just left and it had to be closed up anyway . . . so we took in the outside furniture while we were at it . Tuesday 's forecast was not good - we were still on the direct path for a cat 3 hurricane , and with 8 homes to worry about , it was time to get moving . We also had a check - in at a condo that evening - guests who were not aware of the approaching hurricane , and even worse , no idea what to do ( i . e . , buy candles and food supplies ) . So that day four homes were shut up with hurricane shutters or boards , and the check - in guests were given a mini - education on what to expect and how to reach us ( or not , and why ) . That left the condo , our own two homes , and one other home where the owner was leaving Wednesday morning ( on his regularly scheduled flight ) . The condo management company would deal with the condo units , our homes would be last on the list , so the focus turned to that final home right on the ocean side . We cleared up all possible projectiles ( big shells ) , and put the electronics in a closet inside the home . Later Miguel rounded up a strong helper and they put up some boards - one more house checked off . Loco has not enjoyed being out on the front terrace - he can hear thunder off in the distance ( or thinks he does ) . We don 't hear anything but Loco hates thunder so if he is outside he crawls into the garden , in a hole by the side wall . He gets himself all tangled in the plants . So he 's been inside most of the last few days too - with a lot of time spent under the beds . Today I took Loco out for a bathroom break . Across the road is where we often toss stale bread , and unwanted leftovers . Today Loco stopped to look at the little pile of plants there , and as I watched , I saw a little mouse picking through the plant debris for bits of food . The mouse was sitting up eating with his front paws , and Loco went right up to it and stuck his nose on its head to see what it was ( we joke that Loco needs glasses , he doesn 't seem to see really well with objects close up or far away ) . Surprisingly the mouse was not a bit scared of Loco - it was a Kodak moment , the tiny mouse and the dog with the big black nose pressed against the head of the mouse . Alas , no camera . The rest of the island is closed up - they would not do that for a tropical storm but until this morning the storm was still a hurricane , so everyone has to be prepared for the worst . Now we no longer expect a hurricane ( thank goodness ) , but we are patiently waiting it out for the winds and blowing rain to hit . The strange part about this particular storm is that it is not going to pass through and be on its way - no , it 's going to come over us tonight and tomorrow , and then loop back around and revisit us as a tropical depression . There will be lots of rain over the next few days - tourists will be unhappy with the bad weather , and the islanders will deal with flooded homes and streets . It could have been worse , it could have been a hurricane . Yup , so we are in the midst of hurricane prep . With eight properties to worry about , it 's been a busy day and tomorrow promises more of the same , only with worse weather ( high winds and blowing rain ) . For anyone who has never seen hurricane prep on tv , it 's hard to understand how difficult it is once the rain and winds come . Can 't use power tools outside , and handling big sheets of plywood with the wind is rather a pain . Now that Miguel is a property manager , we will be forced to go out on the golf cart and check on the houses . We will be getting wet , and so will the floors inside the house and all the other houses . Leaves will plug the drains , we 'll need to stick a broom handle in them as we can to keep the water from backing up . The day started with a flat tire - not what we needed when being on the road is critical . So I got that fixed while Miguel was tending to one of the homes . I also went to the bank and picked up cat food and a few other supplies for us . Filled up the golf cart with gas , and took the little red tank to be filled too . I added credit to all our cell phones and charged the two that were in the house . I have not done anything to prepare the house here , will do that tomorrow , and hopefully , if needed , Miguel will get our boards up , at least on the upstairs patio doors . But the good news ? They are not going to cut the electricity the way they always have in the past . So we may still have light , tv , and internet during the storm - a first for us , and maybe being boarded up once the curfew hits won 't be so bad . Will keep you posted via Facebook , as we are able . Off to bed , with wishes that this storm turns out of our path . We 'll know more tomorrow . Night ! What are little boys made of ? Frogs and snails and puppy dog 's tails . My grandson Kyle is just a happy , smiling , laughing baby most of the time . And he likes turnip ! I have started opening the kitchen window near the sink , even though it no longer has a screen ( thanks to the late Luna , who was always determined to get inside the house one way or the other ) . With the back door closed due to the rain and mosquitoes , the cats have been using the window as the means to go in and out on the back terrace . Only Smokey tended to stay outside , but finally she caught on and now she lets herself in and out at whim too . Maya can 't keep track of the cats as much as she 'd like - she races through the house and up and down the stairs and watches everyone like a hawk , but the other cats have started retaliating to her heavy rule and she is no longer the queen . The other evening Smokey had Maya crouched under the desk , and then she pounced on top of her - even though Smokey was just playing , it made Maya cry and run away . Maya is only a bully when she can get another cat trying to get away from her . When a cat stands strong , Maya backs away . So although there is always at least one cat spat a day , there are fewer than in the past . I figure they will have to work it out , I 'm not going to separate them because they can 't get along . The house is big enough for everyone , and generally they all have their favorite spots . But the weather changes that , they are tropical cats and they get cold . Right now Maya is curled up at Miguel 's feet on the couch . Smokey is in the camp chair by the tv , a chair that first was favored by Minina and then Cappuchina - now it 's Smokey 's spot . Minina likes to lie alongside me , and Cappuchina likes to lie on top of me , and when I won 't allow it , she finds another place - like the desk chair . And Loco is either lying along the side of the couch or under the bed , depending on whether we have thunder or not . Blacky is over with her other family , otherwise she 'd be stealing any piece of cloth left on the front terrace - she likes to make pillows . We have some new residents : Tigressa - a tiger - striped female who pretty much hangs out on the front terrace but follows us down the road when we take Loco out to the bathroom . Tigressa walks right in my feet , she has tripped me more than once . And she has a voice - she thinks she should be fed as soon as we open the door in the morning , and any time she hears food hitting the dishes in the kitchen . Tigressa isn 't fussy about where she sleeps , as long as it 's on the front terrace somewhere . . . Tigressa actually thinks she belongs inside like the other cats , and she is quick to walk in when we open the door if we don 't get our feet in her way . Tigressa in the house would cause a riot as the other cats hate her ( other than Cappuchina , who doesn 't mind any other cats who lurk around ) . We had someone come to the house a couple of weeks ago , and luckily our cats followed us upstairs when we went up to show them the terraces , because when we came back down , Tigressa had pulled open the front screen door and had tucked herself into the far corner of the sofa bench , snuggled on a blanket . She knew she was wrong though , because when we finally spotted her she tried to duck her head , as if she wasn 't there . The other cats were still enjoying exploring the spare bedroom upstairs , so we were able to get Tigressa out before we had a war on our hands . I think Tigressa was abused with her previous owner because she winces when we try to pat her on the head . She likes being touched in other areas but always closes her eyes and ducks when we get near her head , although she is getting much better so I think she has learned that we are not going to hit her . Makes you wonder what animals endure in their little lives , and we 're happy to give her a safe , happy home . There is a black and white male cat who has also sort of moved to the front terrace , although , unlike Tigressa , he spends part of his time out in the jungle . But he shows up for almost every meal - Tigressa gives it away with her howling at the door , so now he officially has a dish of his own . He will not allow us to touch him , he maintains his distance even though he joins in the howling at the door . And he gobbles down his food and then steals Tigressa 's food when she isn 't looking , but she doesn 't seem to mind . We need to trap him though , and get him neutered . Finally , there is Rabana ( Radish - don 't ask why - the name is my misuse of another Spanish word and the name stuck ) and her boyfriend / brother / friend ( we really don 't know the relationship ) . Rabana showed up as a kitten , she had a sibling that disappeared within days of the first day I saw them . She is a small cat but has already had one litter . I wasn 't sure if she would survive delivering kittens , or if the kittens would survive , but she raised two babies to a nice size , and then she went into heat again and the kittens disappeared . Not sure if the males who showed up to court Rabana chased them off or what happened because Rabana was an attentive mom and she liked to play with her babies . The last time we saw her with both her babies they were across the road , and then one baby was gone and a few days later the second one was gone . Hard to know what happens out there - dogs , poison , cars , or the kittens might just have wandered off and gotten lost . But because Rabana was pregnant and then nursing , we started putting some food for her across the street . Rabana is pregnant again , and she has been here long enough now that she joins in with Tigressa and the black / white cat when they cry to be fed . So now when we open the door in the morning there are three sets of eyes eagerly hoping we have food , and we are greeted with a morning song . We still put food across the street for Rabana , because she has a side - kick - a cat that is probably her sibling , and he has suffered a broken leg so is a little handicapped . She allows him to eat with her , but when she was in heat he did not mate with her although he lurked in the background when her other suitors were around . Now that she is no longer in heat the other males have moved on , but the grey cat is still here , and the other morning , after our weekend of wind and rain , it was such a cute sight to see the two cats snuggled on the front seat of the golf cart . Oh yes - the wind and rain - it was pretty bad , but Loco , who hates thunder and water , insisted on making rounds with us . Luckily , he has a raincoat - in fact , it 's better than the ponchos that Miguel and I use . Here we are on our way to check on the houses after the storm . . . In this very low of low seasons , with rentals almost non - existent and not enough income to cover expenses , we are eating at home . Which is not a bad thing at all , in fact , it would be fine if we did it all the time - except some days I 'm just too beat to cook . If I lived alone it would be fine to open a can of beans or slap together some peanut butter and jam , but Miguel needs something with a little more nutrition than that . So to prevent boredom with eating the same old things , I have been preparing some different meals - mostly successful , but still the odd dud . Good meals : roasted chicken w / fixings , lasagna ( ground my own beef ) , submarine sandwiches , chicken / vegetable soup , chicken parmesan w / spaghetti ( homemade sauce ) . I 've made several loaves of bread , and a couple of batches of bruschetta bread with the day - old bread . Yesterday our neighbor brought us a container of arroz con leche ( a great cool - weather drink ) . For breakfast we 've made chilaquilles , Mexican style eggs w / tortillas and bacon , and enjoyed some things bought from Juan - tamales and chili rellenos . For a snack Miguel fried leftover corn tortillas and made some red and green chili sauces , which we ate with the fried tortillas . Yum ! To prepare the delicious meals , I can buy almost everything at various stores here . One tiny pasta we love in the soups I make cannot be found here , so for that I look forward to the Chedraui they are quickly building over on Devil 's Curve ( by the ball park ) . I also look forward to buying monterey jack jalapeno cheese , cheddar cheese , sweet pickles , and other things I can 't remember right now . But as nice as it will be to have a store here that carries the things I use in cooking , I 'm afraid of what it will do to so many of the small stores that people run out of the front of their homes . Not my call , I can only watch the fall - out . I know I 'll still be running around the corner at least once a day for the little things we need . And the local market will probably always be a daily stop for fruit and veggies , and fresh chicken . Egg bread - dry as can be with little flavor . Not sure what happened as usually the breads I make taste great . The only thing I did that I 've never done is I tried to help the machine pull in all the flour rather than let it work on its own . Used that bread tonight to make salami sandwiches - bleh , good thing the soup was yummy . Moroccan chicken - too much lime ! It called for lemon juice , so I put the same amount of lime juice . It was edible , so I used the leftover pieces in the soup I made a couple of days later . Ewww . . . we ate it just because we were hungry , but I finally threw the rest out - overwhelming lime taste . Much prefer the soup I usually make . Potato and macaroni salads - usually something I do well . They were just horrible - maybe it was the mayonnaise . I missed the sweet pickle taste in the potato salad , but I 'm not sure that would have helped anyway - the potatoes just didn 't have a good taste . We have been invited to share several meals with friends lately - Bastos , Ballyhoo , and one meal in the home of our friends which was best of all ( baked ziti , garlic bread , salad - yum yum ) . On the recommendation of one of our friends , we tried the crispy chicken up on the boulevard in La Gloria - wow , just like KFC crispy battered chicken , served with very generous helpings of fries and Chinese fried rice . For 35 pesos ? Don 't know how they do it . So many meals we have at home are made with very little cost . If we spend more than 200 pesos for both of us on a meal out , we almost always wish we 'd just stayed home and cooked . We both grew up learning from great cooks in the family so it 's hard to really impress us - but there are a few things we don 't prepare at home that we love to order when we eat out : crepes , omelettes , pollo asado , ke - bobs , fish ( Miguel ) , chicken a la Veracruzana , flautas , pizza . But until we hit high season again , we 'll be eating most meals at home , and not complaining - it 's nutrition at its finest ( don 't pay attention to the fact it 's fried - it tastes great ! ) . It would have been a lovely day except for the sanding and other noise from the boat yard neighbor . They worked until 10 pm last night and I was hopeful they would take today off , but no - Sunday apparently isn 't important as a day of rest to my neighbor ( religious or non - religious , I still believe that Sunday should be a day for families to enjoy spending time together ) . I was busy enough with my own tasks that it didn 't really bug me until around 1 pm , when I was ready for a shift in the hammock after washing down all the terraces , scrubbing the pool , and washing the downstairs floors . So I ate some soup , gave Loco a bath and then took my own bath , which lately calls for a wrap in my beach towel and a doze in the hammock by the pool afterwards . Due to the noise I did not fall asleep , but I did rest for a while , and then I was hungry . I changed my mind about what I was going to eat - I really wanted spaghetti but was too lazy to cook , so I took Miguel 's hammock to the laundromat . I just discovered that our laundromat does hammocks - I am anxious to see how it comes out as my method of soaking and then washing in the bathtub just doesn 't quite get it clean enough ( Blacky likes to run her back on it and it is quite soiled where she rubs , and it is a little smelly too ) . If Miguel 's hammock comes out nice , I will take mine in to get freshened up - Tigressa figured out a way to curl up in it when it was folded up and hanging by the window - I have a picture but it 's on the camera that went to Oaxaca with Miguel . We love to spend time in the hammocks after breakfast , it is breezy and cool out on that front terrace . Nice , clean hammocks will be a treat . I decided to take a drive over to the crispy fried chicken take - out place that I learned about last week . It was open ! They were waiting for a new pan of rice and some breasts - 10 minutes , they said . So I paid and took a short drive along the coast to kill time . When I got back the woman apologized because she 'd given my breast away - a frequent customer had come in and wanted a whole chicken , but she wanted four breasts , one of which was mine . So I had to wait another five minutes , but no big deal - I said to the woman that I didn 't think four breasts made a whole chicken , and she laughed and said - it was " un pollo extraordinario " - an extraordinary chicken . 35 pesos bought a large crispy fried breast with wing , fries , and a very generous helping of Chinese fried rice that I absolutely love . It reminds me of KFC chicken , with Burger King fries - not sure how the rice comes in there but I 'm glad it does , it somehow makes the meal feel a little more wholesome . They do a booming business with the locals - I really don 't know how they do it for that price . Since eating I have been wasting time doing nothing much , just this and that on the computer . I seem to be stalling on coding the new website , must be because I still don 't have it all laid out yet in my head . Time for pen and paper to draw it out , I 've learned that as eager as I am to start coding to see the site come to life , I need to start at the drawing board so I have a clear idea of what will go where ( not that it doesn 't change once I get into it , but since I 'm the programmer as well as the customer , I can have as much scope creep as I like ) . And yes , the boat guys are still at it - talking , hammering , banging around - and I am so glad we have closed the B & B so I don 't have to worry about new guests being disturbed . The boat is almost done , and it 's beautiful , but I 'm sure another one will come in to take its place once it leaves - that has been the pattern , unfortunately . It 's a shame , this used to be a very peaceful street . Today was one of those days that should have gone perfectly smoothly - it was all organized . Only one rental property to worry about as two of the others are owner - occupied right now , and two others are empty . I should have been home by 11 am wondering what to do with my day . The carpenter said he would be here at 8 am - he 's made a new set of feet for a corner shelf unit . Termites ate the first ones , and I am still in the process of treating the wall behind the unit to stop the critters from coming back . We are in a fight to the death - as soon as I see a new trail starting out of one of the four holes they made in the concrete wall , I scrape it down , stick the edge of the scraper in the hole to loosen it up , and give it a squirt of high - power Raid . I really hate using this stuff as I fear for our health , but there 's nothing else to do if I want to keep that piece of furniture . The corner unit has been living on the back terrace all week , waiting for new feet and a coat of poison to ruin the taste of the wood ( and hopefully kill any termites who dare try to eat it ) . Knowing that toxic fumes might be flying around , I closed all the cats off from the downstairs , and left Loco out on the front terrace . At 8 : 30 I heard " Buenos " outside the gate , meaning the carpenter had arrived . Of course the first thing he asked for was a saw , which Miguel has but not here at this house - who knows where he 's left it , probably at the last place he did some work that required a saw . For this reason I have hidden my own screwdriver set and tape measure - two items I am always looking for and can never find , even though Miguel probably has 50 screwdrivers and who knows how many tape measures . Unfortunately I cannot hide a ladder - so I cannot clean the downstairs fans because the ladder I need is never here - it 's probably tucked into a shed at one of the houses he manages , whichever one he worked at last . I finally bought a short one ( 2 steps ) , just high enough that I can reach the ceiling fans upstairs . Can 't believe Miguel had the nerve to suggest borrowing that ladder to take over to the studio apartment so guests could use it ( to reach the dvd player he put up way too high , where nobody can reach it to play a dvd . . . sigh ) . I put my foot down and refused - told him to lower the dvd player , the way it used to be in the first place . My ladder and tools stay with me or I 'll never see them again . Anyway . . . the carpenter made do with a chisel and hammer , so it was noisy around here but in the end the new feet look great . We decided to leave the unit outside for the rest of the day , I wanted to make sure it wouldn 't cause any harm should the cats decide to check it out - something they always do when something is different in the house . While he was here I had him measure a poster I had printed - I want him to make me a frame . And we had a couple of other houses to visit so he could measure for new screen doors . Shortly after 10 I was done with the carpenter but then had to go to the condo unit that had a check - out / check - in - I had some supplies for the cleaning lady . I got there about 10 : 30 , the guests were still there , so we chatted a bit . They informed me that the next guest had come to the condo the evening before and asked for a key for today . What ? ! Why would a guest do that and why would the other guests comply ? There are procedures for guests to get the key - from security - when they check - in . So the system failed . Ok , so the cleaning lady was there , she had what she needed , the new guests were out there somewhere with a key , and the old guests were all set to leave . I took the empty bottle of water and planned to go back later to pick up the laundry . No sooner did I get to the bank when my phone rang - it was the security guard asking me to come back as the new guests had arrived and were asking about a golf cart key ( that I knew nothing about ) . So back I went , and after much confusion ( yes , there is a shared golf cart but nobody left a key and nobody said anything about these guests having permission to use the cart ) , I was handed a key from the office with instructions to tell the guests to return the key before noon tomorrow . But when I got back to the golf cart , there was no sign of the new guests - they 'd headed back to their hotel to prepare for check - out there . Nothing to do but go over and try to find them , and I got lucky as they were heading just inside the gate when I got there . They hopped back on the cart , I took them back to the condo , and headed home for breakfast ( although it was now noon , so not sure I can really call it that ) . Much as I wanted a bath and nap after I ate , I had to go back into town to buy water and a pump and drop it off at the condo . As I was parked in front of Mirtita 's grocery store , I got a call from the a / c repair guy whom I 'd called earlier to go out to one of the other homes to check out an a / c problem . I became the go - between as the owners don 't speak Spanish and he doesn 't speak English . He said he needed to put gas into the a / c , so I asked if he needed money to buy the gas ( knowing the answer would be ' yes ' ) . He said he was in centro , so since I was there too , rather than have him go all the way to the other end of the island for money , I said I would give him the money and would later collect from the owners . We agreed he would meet me at Mirtita 's - he was very close , he said . I sat and waited for about 10 minutes , feeling uncomfortable because I was not parked in a legal parking spot . No sign of Julio , so I called him again - he still said he was close , to wait for him . I gave him a few more minutes and decided to leave for the condo , and of course he called just seconds after I 'd given up my illegal parking spot . I told him where I was going and he said he would meet me there . Well , I did what I had to do and Julio was not there so I called and said I was leaving and again asked where he was . He said he was waiting for me at Mirtita 's . Lucky for him - just as I was about to turn left onto the street leading to Mirtita 's , I spotted Julio standing by the curb at the ferry . Hmmm . . . not exactly Mirtita 's to me , lucky I knew what he looked like . So I gave him the money and he said he would call me later so I could translate what he 'd done and the cost . It was only as I was driving away and wondering why he was standing there that I realized - he thought I was talking about Mirtita 's BAR , and he had been there waiting for me all along while I was sitting and waiting for him around the corner at Mirtitia 's STORE . Never the twain would meet except for the cell phone . When the carpenter came in the morning I was dressed in old clothes , so when we went out I changed into one of Miguel 's tshirts sitting in the clothes basket - I was too lazy to run upstairs for my own shirt . I didn 't really think anyone was going to see me in that shirt , I thought I was making a quick trip into town and then back home - turns out the whole island saw me as I must have driven through town at least 5 times today . Lucky it was clean and sort of fit me . I finally got my bath at 3 pm , and a short nap in the hammock upstairs . Then I made my special soup and ate it with a salami sandwich . At 5 I took Loco for his golf cart tour , dropped off some soup for one of the homeowners , and looked for the carpenter to pay him for today ( he wasn 't home ) . I decided to drop Loco back home and go to the supermarket for dog food , and then fill up the gas tank and try the carpenter one more time . I got lucky - the gas tank was almost empty , and the carpenter was home . Now I 'm home , it 's 7 : 30 , and after I publish this blog I 'm going to make some coffee and start coding a new website . I hope nobody else calls or has issues , and tomorrow is Sunday - I might actually get something more done around here . A Canadian born and bred settling into life with a gentle - minded Mexican man . We share a beautiful garden home with wonderful views of the seas , lagoons , and colonias - this home is now open as a B & B for guests interested in exploring the Mexican culture . Other inhabitants are our dog Loco and our cats Minina , Maya , Luna , Smokey , and Cappuchina . All animals were strays who decided this was a pretty nice place to call home . And they were right ! I waited over two hours for the Carnaval parade . You waited a week for my photos ! I told you manana , but what that really means in Mexico is not tomorrow . . . * I have decided to try and post on my blog while we are in Mexico . It has been a few years since I have utilized it , but think I will try it . I will be . . . |
" So ? No , I guess my heart was always pretty good . I got a little asthma , maybe . Just a awful short breath when I was pitchin ' hay last summer , dat 's all . " " Well , now , Rosicky , if you know more about it than I do , what did you come to me for ? It 's your heart that makes you short of breath , I tell you . You 're sixty - five years old , and you 've always worked hard , and your heart 's tired . You 've got to be careful from now on , and you can 't do heavy work any more . You 've got five boys at home to do it for you . " The old farmer looked up at the Doctor with a gleam of amusement in his queer triangular - shaped eyes . His eyes were large and lively , but the lids were caught up in the middle in a curious way , so that they formed a triangle . He did not look like a sick man . His brown face was creased but not wrinkled , he had a ruddy colour in his smooth - shaven cheeks and in his lips , under his long brown moustache . His hair was thin and ragged around his ears , but very little grey . His forehead , naturally high and crossed by deep parallel lines , now ran all the way up to his pointed crown . Rosicky 's face had the habit of looking interested , - suggested a contented disposition and a reflective quality that was gay rather than grave . This gave him a certain detachment , the easy manner of an onlooker and observer . Doctor Burleigh swung round in his desk - chair and frowned at the old farmer . " I think if I were you I 'd take a little care of the old one , Rosicky . " Rosicky shrugged . " Maybe I don 't know how . I expect you mean fur me not to drink my coffee no more . " " I wouldn 't , in your place . But you 'll do as you choose about that . I 've never yet been able to separate a Bohemian from his coffee or his pipe . I 've quit trying . But the sure thing is you 've got to cut out farm work . You can feed the stock and do chores about the barn , but you can 't do anything in the fields that makes you short of breath . " " How about shelling corn ? " " Of course not ! " Rosicky considered with puckered brows . " I can 't make my heart go no longer ' n it wants to , can I , Doctor Ed ? " " I think it 's good for five or six years yet , maybe more , if you 'll take the strain off it . Sit around the house and help Mary . If I had a good wife like yours , I 'd want to stay around the house . " His patient chuckled . " It ain 't no place fur a man . I don 't like no old man hanging round the kitchen too much . An ' my wife , she 's a awful hard worker her own self . " " That 's it ; you can help her a little . My Lord , Rosicky , you are one of the few men I know who has a family he can get some comfort out of ; happy dispositions , never quarrel among themselves , and they treat you right . I want to see you live a few years and enjoy them . " The Doctor wrote him a prescription and asked him how his oldest son , Rudolph , who had married in the spring , was getting on . Rudolph had struck out for himself , on rented land . " And how 's Polly ? I was afraid Mary mightn 't like an American daughter - in - law , but it seems to be working out all right . " " Yes , she 's a fine girl . Dat widder woman bring her daughters up very nice . Polly got lots of spunk , an ' she got some style , too . Da 's nice , for young folks to have some style . " Rosicky inclined his head gallantly . His voice and his twinkly smile were an affectionate compliment to his daughter - in - law . " No , I 'm in de wagon . When you got five boys , you ain 't got much chance to ride round in de Ford . I ain 't much for cars , noway . " The Doctor picked up his stethoscope and frowned at it as if he were seriously annoyed with the instrument . He wished it had been telling tales about some other man 's heart , some old man who didn 't look the Doctor in the eye so knowingly , or hold out such a warm brown hand when he said good - bye . Doctor Burleigh had been a poor boy in the country before he went away to medical school ; he had known Rosicky almost ever since he could remember , and he had a deep affection for Mrs . Rosicky . Only last winter he had such a good breakfast at Rosicky 's , and that when he needed it . He had been out all night on a long , hard confinement case at Tom Marshall 's - a big rich farm where there was plenty of stock and plenty of feed and a great deal of expensive farm machinery of the newest model , and no comfort whatever . The woman had too many children and too much work , and she was no manager . When the baby was born at last , and handed over to the assisting neighbour woman , and the mother was properly attended to , Burleigh refused any breakfast in that slovenly house , and drove his buggy - the snow was too deep for a car - eight miles to Anton Rosicky 's place . He didn 't know another farm - house where a man could get such a warm welcome , and such good strong coffee with rich cream . No wonder the old chap didn 't want to give up his coffee ! He had driven in just when the boys had come back from the barn and were washing up for breakfast . The long table , covered with a bright oilcloth , was set out with dishes waiting for them , and the warm kitchen was full of the smell of coffee and hot biscuit and sausage . Five big handsome boys , running from twenty to twelve , all with what Burleigh called natural good manners - they hadn 't a bit of the painful self - consciousness he himself had to struggle with when he was a lad . One ran to put his horse away , another helped him off with his fur coat and hung it up , and Josephine , the youngest child and the only daughter , quickly set another place under her mother 's direction . With Mary , to feed creatures was the natural expression of affection - her chickens , the calves , her big hungry boys . It was a rare pleasure to feed a young man whom she seldom saw and of whom she was as proud as if he belonged to her . Some country housekeepers would have stopped to spread a white cloth over the oilcloth , to change the thick cups and plates for their best china , and the wooden - handled knives for plated ones . But not Mary . He knew she was glad - she threw back her head and spoke out as if she were announcing him to the whole prairie . Rosicky hadn 't said anything at all ; he merely smiled his twinkling smile , put some more coal on the fire , and went into his own room to pour the Doctor a little drink in a medicine glass . When they were all seated , he watched his wife 's face from his end of the table and spoke to her in Czech . Then , with the instinct of politeness which seldom failed him , he turned to the doctor and said slyly : " I was just tellin ' her not to ask you no questions about Mrs . Marshall till you eat some breakfast . My wife , she 's terrible fur to ask questions . " The boys laughed , and so did Mary . She watched the Doctor devour her biscuit and sausage , too much excited to eat anything herself . She drank her coffee and sat taking in everything about her visitor . She had known him when he was a poor country boy , and was boastfully proud of his success , always saying : " What do people go to Omaha for , to see a doctor , when we got the best one in the State right here ? " If Mary liked people at all , she felt physical pleasure in the sight of them , personal exultation in any good fortune that came to them . Burleigh didn 't know many women like that , but he knew she was like that . " Yes , Rudolph told me about that when he come home , and I said it wasn 't right , " Mary put in warmly . " It was all right for me to do them things up to the last , for I was terrible strong , but that woman 's weakly . And do you think she 'll be able to nurse it , Ed ? " She sometimes forgot to give him the title she was so proud of . " And to think of your being up all night and them not able to get a decent breakfast ! I don 't know what 's the matter with such people . " " I wish I had been in practice when these were getting born . " The Doctor looked down the row of close - clipped heads . " I missed some good breakfast by not being . " The boys began to laugh at their mother because she flushed so red , but she stood her ground and threw up her head . " I don 't care , you wouldn 't have got away from this house without breakfast . No doctor ever did . I 'd have had something ready fixed that Anton could warm up for you . " The boys laughed harder than ever , and exclaimed at her : " I 'll bet you would ! " " She would , that ! " " Father , did you get breakfast for the Doctor when we were born ? " While the boys were getting the Doctor 's horse , he went to the window to examine the house plants . " What do you do to your geraniums to keep them blooming in the winter , Mary ? I never pass this house that from the road I don 't see your windows full of flowers . " She snapped off a dark red one , and a ruffled new green leaf , and put them in his buttonhole . " There , that looks better . You look too solemn for a young man , Ed . Why don 't you git married ? I 'm worried about you . Settin ' at breakfast , I looked at you real hard , and I seen you 've got some grey hairs already . " " Don 't talk so . You 'll ruin your health eating at the hotel . I could send your wife a nice loaf of nut bread , if you only had one . I don 't like to see a young man getting grey . I 'll tell you something , Ed ; you make some strong black tea and keep it handy in a bowl , and every morning just brush it into your hair , an ' it 'll keep the grey from showin ' much . That 's the way I do ! " Sometimes the Doctor heard the gossipers in the drug - store wondering why Rosicky didn 't get on faster . He was industrious , and so were his boys , but they were rather free and easy , weren 't pushers , and they didn 't always show good judgment . They were comfortable , they were out of debt , but they didn 't get much ahead . Maybe , Doctor Burleigh reflected , people as generous and warm - hearted and affectionate as the Rosickys never got ahead much ; maybe you couldn 't enjoy your life and put it into the bank , too . When Rosicky left Doctor Burleigh 's office , he went into the farm - implement store to light his pipe and put on his glasses and read over the list Mary had given him . Then he went into the general merchandise place next door and stood about until the pretty girl with the plucked eyebrows , who always waited on him , was free . Those eyebrows , two thin India - ink strokes , amused him , because he remembered how they used to be . Rosicky always prolonged his shopping by a little joking ; the girl knew the old fellow admired her , and she like to chaff with him . " Sure . She makes quilts of dem , too . We sleeps easy . Now she 's makin ' a fedder quilt for my son 's wife . You know Polly , that married my Rudolph . How much my bill , Miss Pearl ? " " Chust make it nine , and put in some candy fur de women . " " As usual . I never did see a man buy so much candy for his wife . First thing you know , she 'll be getting too fat . " " I 'd like dat . I ain 't much fur all dem slim women like what de style is now . " " That 's one for me , I suppose , Mr . Bohunk ! " Pearl sniffed and elevated her India - ink strokes . When Rosicky went out to his wagon , it was beginning to snow , - the first snow of the season , and he was glad to see it . He rattled out of town and along the highway through a wonderfully rich stretch of country , the finest farms in the county . He admired this High Prairie , as it was called , and always liked to drive through it . His own place lay in a rougher territory , where there was some clay in the soil and it was not so productive . When he bought his land , he hadn 't the money to buy on High Prairie ; so he told his boys , when they grumbled , that if their land hadn 't some clay in it , they wouldn 't own it at all . All the same , he enjoyed looking at these fine farms , as he enjoyed looking at a prize bull . After he had gone eight miles , he came to the graveyard , which lay just at the edge of his own hay - land . There he stopped his horses and sat still on his wagon seat , looking about at the snowfall . Over yonder on the hill he could see his own house , crouching low , with the clump of orchard behind and the windmill before , and all down the gentle hill - slope the rows of pale gold cornstalks stood out against the white field . The snow was falling over the cornfield and the pasture and the hay - land , steadily , with very little wind - a nice dry snow . The graveyard had only a light wire fence about it and was all overgrown with long red grass . The fine snow , settling into his red grass and upon the few little evergreens and the headstones , looked very pretty . It was a nice graveyard , Rosicky reflected , sort of snug and homelike , not cramped or mournful , - a big sweep all round it . A man could lie down in the long grass and see the complete arch of the sky over him , hear the wagons go by ; in summer the mowing - machine rattled right up to the wire fence . And it was so near home . Over there across the cornstalks his own roof and windmill looked so good to him that he promised himself to mind the Doctor and take care of himself . He was awful fond of his place , he admitted . He wasn 't anxious to leave it . And it was a comfort to think that he would never have to go farther than the edge of his own hayfield . The snow , falling over his barnyard and the graveyard , seemed to draw things together like . And they were all old neighbours in the graveyard , most of them friends ; there was nothing to feel awkward or embarrassed about . Embarrassment was the most disagreeable feeling Rosicky knew . He didn 't often have it , - only with certain people whom he didn 't understand at all . Well , it was a nice snowstorm ; a fine sight to see the snow falling so quietly and graciously over so much open country . On his cap and shoulders , on the horses ' backs and manes , light , delicate , mysterious it fell ; and with it a dry cool fragrance was released into the air . It meant rest for vegetation and men and beasts , for the ground itself ; a season of long nights for sleep , leisurely breakfasts , peace by the fire . This and much more went through Rosicky 's mind , but he merely told himself that winter was coming , clucked to his horses , and drove on . When he reached home , John , the youngest boy , ran out to put away his team for him , and he met Mary coming up from the outside cellar with her apron full of carrots . They went into the house together . On the table , covered with oilcloth figured with clusters of blue grapes , a place was set , and he smelled hot coffee - cake of some kind . Anton never lunched in town ; he thought that extravagant , and anyhow he didn 't like the food . So Mary always had something ready for him when he got home . " He said I was to tell you some compliments , but I forgot ' em . " Rosicky 's eyes twinkled . " About you , I mean . What did he say about your asthma ? " " He says I ain 't got no asthma . " Rosicky took one of the little rolls in his broad brown fingers . The thickened nail of his right thumb told the story of his past . " Well , what is the matter ? And don 't try to put me off . " " He don 't say nothing much , only I 'm a little older , and my heart ain 't so good like it used to be . " " Now don 't yell at me like I was a hog in de garden , Mary . You know I always did like to hear a woman talk soft . He didn 't say anything de matter wid my heart , only it ain 't so young like it used to be , an ' he tell me not to pitch hay or run de corn - sheller . " Mary wanted to jump up , but she sat still . She admired the way he never under any circumstances raised his voice or spoke roughly . He was city - bred , and she was country - bred ; she often said she wanted her boys to have their papa 's nice ways . " You never have no pain there , do you ? It 's your breathing and your stomach that 's been wrong . I wouldn 't believe nobody but Doctor Ed about it . I guess I 'll go see him myself . Didn 't he give you no advice ? " " Chust to take it easy like , an ' stay round de house dis winter . I guess you got some carpenter work for me to do . I kin make some new shelves for you , and I want dis long time to build a closet in de boys ' room and make dem two little fellers keep dere clo ' es hung up . " Rosicky drank his coffee from time to time , while he considered . His moustache was of the soft long variety and came down over his mouth like the teeth of a buggy - rake over a bundle of hay . Each time he put down his cup , he ran his blue handkerchief over his lips . When he took a drink of water , he managed very neatly with the back of his hand . Mary sat watching him intently , trying to find any change in his face . It is hard to see anyone who has become like your own body to you . Yes , his hair had got thin , and his high forehead had deep lines running from left to right . But his neck , always clean - shaved except in the busiest seasons , was not loose or baggy . It was burned a dark reddish brown , and there were deep creases in it , but it looked firm and full of blood . His cheeks had a good colour . On either side of his mouth there was a half - moon down the length of his cheek , not wrinkles , but two lines that had come there from his habitual expression . He was shorter and broader than when she married him ; his back had grown broad and curved , a good deal like the shell on an old turtle , and his arms and legs were short . He was fifteen years older than Mary , but she had hardly ever thought about it before . He was her man , and the kind of man she liked . She was rough , and he was gentle - city - bred , as she always said . They had been shipmates on a rough voyage and had stood by each other in trying times . Life had gone well with them because , at bottom , they had the same ideas about life . They agreed , without discussion , as to what was most important and what was secondary . They didn 't often exchange opinions , even in Czech - it was as if they had thought the same thought together . A good deal had to be sacrificed and thrown overboard in a hard life like theirs , and they had never disagreed as to the things that could go . It had been a hard life , and a soft life , too . There wasn 't anything brutal in the short , broad - backed man with the three - cornered eyes and the forehead that went on to the top of his skull . He was a city man , a gentle man , and though he had married a rough farm girl , he had never touched her without gentleness . They had been at one accord not to hurry through life , not to be always skimping and saving . They saw their neighbours buy more land and feed more stock than they did , without discontent . Once when the creamery agent came to the Rosickys to persuade them to sell him their cream , he told them how much money the Fasslers , their nearest neighbours , had made on their cream last year . " Yes , " said Mary , " and look at them Fassler children ! Pale , pinched little things , they look like skimmed milk . I had rather put some colour into my children 's faces than put money into the bank . " Mary very soon got into town to see Doctor Ed , and then she had a talk with her boys and set a guard over Rosicky . Even John , the youngest , had his father on his mind . If Rosicky went to throw hay down from the loft , one of the boys ran up the ladder and took the fork from him . He sometimes complained that though he was getting to be an old man , he wasn 't an old woman yet . That winter he stayed in the house in the afternoons and carpentered , or sat in the chair between the window full of plants and the wooden bench where the two pails of drinking - water stood . This spot was called " Father 's Corner , " though it was not a corner at all . He had a shelf there , where he kept his Bohemian papers and his pipes and tobacco , and his shears and needles and thread and tailor 's thimble . Having been a tailor in his youth , he couldn 't bear to see a woman patching at his clothes , or at the boys ' . He liked tailoring , and always patched all the overalls and jackets and work shirts . Occasionally he made over a pair of pants one of the older boys had outgrown , for the little fellow . While he sewed , he let his mind run back over his life . He had a good deal to remember , really ; life in three countries . The only part of his youth he didn 't like to remember was the two years he had spent in London , in Cheapside , working for a German tailor who was wretchedly poor . Those days , he was nearly always hungry , when his clothes were dropping off him for dirt , and the sound of a strange language kept him in continual bewilderment , had left a sore spot in his mind that wouldn 't bear touching . He was twenty when he landed at Castle Garden in New York , and he had a protector who got him work in a tailor shop in Vesey Street , down near the Washington Market . He looked upon that part of his life as very happy . He became a good workman , he was industrious , and his wages were increased from time to time . He minded his own business and envied nobody 's good fortune . He went to night school and learned to read English . He often did overtime work and was well paid for it , but somehow he never saved anything . He couldn 't refuse a loan to a friend , and he was self - indulgent . He liked a good dinner , and a little went for beer , a little for tobacco ; a good deal went to the girls . He often stood through an opera on Saturday nights ; he could get standing - room for a dollar . Those were the great days of opera in New York , and it gave a fellow something to think about for the rest of the week . Rosicky had a quick ear , and a childish love of all the stage splendour ; the scenery , the costumes , the ballet . He usually went with a chum , and after the performance they had beer and maybe some oysters somewhere . It was a fine life ; for the first five years or so it satisfied him completely . He was never hungry or cold or dirty , and everything amused him : a fire , a dog fight , a parade , a storm , a ferry ride . He thought New York the finest , richest , friendliest city in the world . Moreover , he had what he called a happy home life . Very near the tailor shop was a small furniture - factory , where an old Austrian , Loeffler , employed a few skilled men and made unusual furniture , most of it to order , for the rich German housewives uptown . The top floor of Loeffler 's five - storey factory was a loft , where he kept his choice lumber and stored the old pieces of furniture left on his hands . One of the young workmen he employed was a Czech , and he and Rosicky became fast friends . They persuaded Loeffler to let them have a sleeping - room in one corner of the loft . They bought good beds and bedding and had their pick of the furniture kept up there . The loft was low - pitched , but light and airy , full of windows , and good - smelling by reason of the fine lumber put up there to season . Old Loeffler used to go down to the docks and buy wood from South America and the East from the sea captains . The young men were as foolish about their house as a bridal pair . Zichec , the young cabinet - maker , devised every sort of convenience , and Rosicky kept their clothes in order . At night and on Sundays , when the quiver of machinery underneath was still , it was the quietest place in the world , and on summer nights all the sea winds blew in . Zichec often practised on his flute in the evening . They were both fond of music and went to the opera together . Rosicky thought he wanted to live like that for ever . But as the years passed , all alike , he began to get a little restless . When spring came round , he would begin to feel fretted , and he got to drinking . He was likely to drink too much of a Saturday night . On Sunday he was languid and heavy , getting over his spree . On Monday he plunged into work again . So he never had time to figure out what ailed him , although he knew something did . When the grass turned green in Park Place , and the lilac hedge at the back of Trinity churchyard put out its blossoms , he was tormented by a longing to run away . That was why he drank too much ; to get a temporary illusion of freedom and wide horizons . Rosicky , the old Rosicky , could remember as if it were yesterday the day when the young Rosicky found out what was the matter with him . It was on a Fourth of July afternoon , and he was sitting in Park Place in the sun . The lower part of New York was empty . Wall Street , Liberty Street , Broadway , all empty . So much stone and asphalt with nothing going on , so many empty windows . The emptiness was intense , like the stillness in a great factory when the machinery stops and the belts and bands cease running . It was too great a change , it took all the strength out of one . Those blank buildings , without the stream of life pouring through them , were like empty jails . It struck young Rosicky that this was the trouble with big cities ; they built you in from the earth itself , cemented you away from any contact with the ground . You lived in an unnatural world , like the fish in an aquarium , who were probably much more comfortable than they ever were in the sea . On that very day he began to think seriously about the articles he had read in the Bohemian papers , describing prosperous Czech farming communities in the West . He believed he would like to go out there as a farm hand ; it was hardly possible that he could ever have land of his own . His people had always been workmen , his father and grandfather had worked in shops . His mother 's parents had lived in the country , but they rented their farm and had a hard time to get along . Nobody in his family had ever owned any land , - that belonged to a different station of life altogether . Anton 's mother died when he was little , and he was sent into the country to her parents . He stayed with them until he was twelve , and formed those ties with the earth and the farm animals and growing things which are never made at all unless they are made early . After his grandfather died , he went back to live with his father and stepmother , but she was very hard on him , and his father helped him to get passage to London . After that Fourth of July day in Park Place , the desire to return to the country never left him . To work on another man 's farm would be all he asked ; to see the sun rise and set and to plant things and watch them grow . He was a very simple man . He was like a tree that has not many roots , but one tap - root that goes down deep . He subscribed for a Bohemian paper printed in Chicago , then for one printed in Omaha . His mind got farther and farther west . He began to save a little money to buy his liberty . When he was thirty - five , there was a great meeting in New York of Bohemian athletic societies , and Rosicky left the tailor shop and went home with the Omaha delegates to try his fortune in another part of the world . Perhaps the fact that his own youth was well over before he began to have a family was one reason why Rosicky was so fond of his boys . He had almost a grandfather 's indulgence for them . He had never had to worry about any of them - except , just now , a little about Rudolph . On Saturday night the boys always piled into the Ford , took little Josephine , and went to town to the moving - picture show . One Saturday morning they were talking at the breakfast table about starting early that evening , so that they would have an hour or so to see the Christmas things in the stores before the show began . Rosicky looked down the table . Their faces fell . They worked hard all week , and they were still like children . A new jack - knife or a box of candy pleased the older ones as much as the little fellow . That settled it . The boys were a good deal dashed . Their father took another piece of apple - cake and went on : " Maybe next Saturday night de two little fellers can go along wid dem . " Rosicky did not reply at once ; then he began to speak seriously : " Listen , boys ; Polly ain 't lookin ' so good . I don 't like to see nobody lookin ' sad . It comes hard fur a town girl to be a farmer 's wife . I don 't want no trouble to start in Rudolph 's family . When it starts , it ain 't so easy to stop . An American girl don 't git used to our ways all at once . I like to tell Polly she and Rudolph can have the car every Saturday night till after New Year 's , if it 's all right with you boys . " " Sure , it 's all right , papa , " Mary cut in . " And it 's good you thought about that . Town girls is used to more than country girls . I lay awake nights , scared she 'll make Rudolph discontented with the farm . " The boys put as good a face on it as they could . They surely looked forward to their Saturday nights in town . That evening Rosicky drove the car the half - mile down to Rudolph 's new , bare little house . " Good - evening , Mr . Rosicky . Rudolph 's at the barn , I guess . " She never called him father , or Mary mother . She was sensitive about having married a foreigner . She never in the world would have done it if Rudolph hadn 't been such a handsome , persuasive fellow and such a gallant lover . He had graduated in her class in the high school in town , and their friendship began in the ninth grade . Polly , carrying dishes to the sink , looked over her shoulder at him . " Thank you . But I 'm late with my work tonight , and pretty tired . Maybe Rudolph would like to go in with you . " " Oh , I don 't go to de shows ! I 'm too old - fashioned . You won 't feel so tired after you ride in de air a ways . It 's a nice clear night , an ' it ain 't cold . You go an ' fix yourself up , Polly , an ' I 'll wash de dishes an ' leave everything nice fur you . " Rosicky said nothing . He found a bib apron on a nail behind the kitchen door . He slipped it over his head and then took Polly by her two elbows and pushed her gently toward the door of her own room . " I washed up de kitchen many times for my wife , when de babies was sick or somethin ' . You go an ' make yourself look nice . I like you to look prettier ' n any of dern town girls when you go in . De young folks must have some fun , an ' I 'm goin ' to look out fur you , Polly . " That kind , reassuring grip on her elbows , the old man 's funny bright eyes , made Polly want to drop her head on his shoulder for a second . She restrained herself , but she lingered in his grasp at the door of her room , murmuring tearfully : " You always lived in the city when you were young , didn 't you ? Don 't you ever get lonesome out here ? " " I don 't know . Sometimes I think I 'd like to take a chance . You lived in New York , didn 't you ? " " An ' London . Da 's bigger still . I learned my trade dere . Here 's Rudolph comin ' , you better hurry . " " Will you tell me about London some time ? " " Maybe . Only I ain 't no talker , Polly . Run an ' dress yourself up . " The bedroom door closed behind her , and Rudolph came in from the outside , looking anxious . He had seen the car and was sorry any of his family should come just then . Supper hadn 't been a very pleasant occasion . Halting in the doorway , he saw his father in a kitchen apron , carrying dishes to the sink . He flushed crimson and something flashed in his eye . Rosicky held up a warning finger . " Not tonight dey don 't . " Rosicky fumbled under his apron and found his pants pocket . He took out a silver dollar and said in a hurried whisper : " You go an ' buy dat girl some ice cream an ' candy tonight , like you was courtin ' . She 's awful good friends wid me . " Rudolph was very short of cash , but he took the money as if it hurt him . There had been a crop failure all over the county . He had more than once been sorry he 'd married this year . In a few minutes the young people came out , looking clean and a little stiff . Rosicky hurried them off , and then he took his own time with the dishes . He scoured the pots and pans and put away the milk and swept the kitchen . He put some coal in the stove and shut off the draughts , so the place would be warm for them when they got home late at night . Then he sat down and had a pipe and listened to the clock tick . Generally speaking , marrying an American girl was certainly a risk . A Czech should marry a Czech . It was lucky that Polly was the daughter of a poor widow woman ; Rudolph was proud , and if she had a prosperous family to throw up at him , they could never make it go . Polly was one of four sisters , and they all worked ; one was book - keeper in the bank , one taught music , and Polly and her younger sister had been clerks , like Miss Pearl . All four of them were musical , had pretty voices , and sang in the Methodist choir , which the eldest sister directed . Polly missed the sociability of a store position . She missed the choir , and the company of her sisters . She didn 't dislike housework , but she disliked so much of it . Rosicky was a little anxious about this pair . He was afraid Polly would grow so discontented that Rudy would quit the farm and take a factory job in Omaha . He had worked for a winter up there , two years ago , to get money to marry on . He had done very well , and they would always take him back at the stockyards . But to Rosicky that meant the end of everything for his son . To be a landless man was to be a wage - earner , a slave , all your life ; to have nothing , to be nothing . Rosicky thought he would come over and do a little carpentering for Polly after the New Year . He guessed she needed jollying . Rudolph was a serious sort of chap , serious in love and serious about his work . Rosicky shook out his pipe and walked home across the fields . Ahead of him the lamplight shone from his kitchen windows . Suppose he were still in a tailor shop on Vesey Street , with a bunch of pale , narrow - chested sons working on machines , all coming home tired and sullen to eat supper in a kitchen that was a parlour also ; with another crowded , angry family quarrelling just across the dumb - waiter shaft , and squeaking pulleys at the windows where dirty washings hung on dirty lines above a court full of old brooms and mops and ash - cans . . . On the day before Christmas the weather set in very cold ; no snow , but a bitter , biting wind that whistled and sang over the flat land and lashed one 's face like fine wires . There was baking going on in the Rosicky kitchen all day , and Rosicky sat inside , making over a coat that Albert had outgrown into an overcoat for John . Mary had a big red geranium in bloom for Christmas , and a row of Jerusalem cherry trees , full of berries . It was the first year she had ever grown these ; Doctor Ed brought her the seeds from Omaha when he went to some medical convention . They reminded Rosicky of plants he had seen in England ; and all afternoon , as he stitched , he sat thinking about those two years in London , which his mind usually shrank from even after all this while . He was a lad of eighteen when he dropped down into London , with no money and no connexions except the address of a cousin who was supposed to be working at a confectioner 's . When he went to the pastry shop , however , he found that the cousin had gone to America . Anton tramped the streets for several days , sleeping in doorways and on the Embankment , until he was in utter despair . He knew no English , and the sound of the strange language all about him confused him . By chance he met a poor German tailor who had learned his trade in Vienna , and could speak a little Czech . This tailor , Lifschnitz , kept a repair shop in a Cheapside basement , underneath a cobbler . He didn 't much need an apprentice , but he was sorry for the boy and took him in for no wages but his keep and what he could pick up . The pickings were supposed to be coppers given you when you took work home to a customer . But most of the customers called for their clothes themselves , and the coppers that came Anton 's way were very few . He had , however , a place to sleep . The tailor 's family lived upstairs in three rooms ; a kitchen , a bedroom , where Lifschnitz and his wife and five children slept , and a living - room . Two corners of this living room were curtained off for lodgers ; in one Rosicky slept on an old horsehair sofa , with a feather quilt to wrap himself in . The other corner was rented to a wretched , dirty boy , who was studying the violin . He actually practised there . Rosicky was dirty , too . There was no way to be anything else . Mrs . Lifschnitz got the water she cooked and washed with from a pump in a brick court , four flights down . There were bugs in the place , and multitudes of fleas , though the poor woman did the best she could . Rosicky knew she often went empty to give another potato or a spoonful of dripping to the two hungry , sad - eyed boys who lodged with her . He used to think he would never get out of there , never get a clean shirt to his back again . What would he do , he wondered , when his clothes actually dropped to pieces and the worn cloIt was still early when the old farmer put aside his sewing and his recollections . The sky had been a dark grey all day , with not a gleam of sun , and the light failed at four o ' clock . He went to shave and change his shirt while the turkey was roasting . Rudolph and Polly were coming over for supper . After supper they sat round in the kitchen , and the younger boys were saying how sorry they were it hadn 't snowed . Everybody was sorry . They wanted a deep snow that would lie long and keep the wheat warm , and leave the ground soaked when it melted . Rosicky filled his pipe . " You boys don 't know what hard times is . You don 't owe nobody , you got plenty to eat an ' keep warm , an ' plenty water to keep clean . When you got them , you can 't have it very hard . " Rudolph frowned , opened and shut his big right hand , and dropped it clenched upon his knee . " I 've got to have a good deal more than that , father , or I 'll quit this farming gamble . I can always make good wages railroading , or at the packing house , and be sure of my money . " " I ain 't much afraid of hard times , Rudy , " she said heartily . " We 've had a plenty , but we 've always come through . Your father wouldn 't never take nothing very hard , not even hard times . I got a mind to tell you a story on him . Maybe you boys can 't hardly remember the year we had that terrible hot wind , that burned everything up on the Fourth of July ? All the corn an ' the gardens . An ' that was in the days when we didn 't have alfalfa yet , - I guess it wasn 't invented . " Well , that very day your father was out cultivatin ' corn , and I was here in the kitchen makin ' plum preserves . We had bushels of plums that year . I noticed it was terrible hot , but it 's always hot in the kitchen when you 're preservin , ' an ' I was too busy with my plums to mind . Anton come in from the field about three o ' clock , an ' I asked him what was the matter . " Nothin ' , " he says , ' but it 's pretty hot an ' I think I won 't work no more today . ' He stood round for a few minutes , an ' then he says : " Ain 't you near through ? I want you should git up a nice supper for us tonight . It 's Fourth of July . ' " I told him to git along , that I was right in the middle of preservin , ' but the plums would taste good on hot biscuit . ' I 'm goin ' to have fried chicken , too , ' he says , and he went off an ' killed a couple . You three oldest boys was little fellers , playin ' round outside , real hot an ' sweaty , an ' your father took you to the horse tank down by the windmill an ' took off your clothes an ' put you in . Them two box - elder trees were little then , but they made shade over the tank . Then he took off all his own clothes , an ' got in with you . While he was playin ' in the water with you , the Methodist preacher drove into our place to say how all the neighbours was going ' to meet at the schoolhouse that night , to pray for rain . He drove right to the windmill , of course , and there was your father and you three with no clothes on . I was in the kitchen door , an ' I had to laugh , for the preacher acted like he ain 't never seen a naked man before . He surely was embarrassed , an ' your father couldn 't git to his clothes ; they was all hangin ' up on the windmill to let the sweat dry out of ' em . So he laid in the tank where he was , an ' put one of you boys on top of him to cover him up a little , an ' talked to the preacher . " When you got through playin ' in the water , he put clean clothes on you and a clean shirt on himself , an ' by that time I 'd begun to get supper . He says : ' It 's too hot in here to eat comfortable . Let 's have a picnic in the orchard . We 'll eat our supper behind the mulberry hedge , under them linden trees . ' " So he carried our supper down , an ' a bottle of my wild - grape wine , an ' everything tasted good , I can tell you . The wind got cooler as the sun was goin ' down , and it turned out pleasant , only I noticed how the leaves was curled up on the linden trees . That made me think , an ' I asked your father if that hot wind all day hadn 't been terrible hard on the gardens an ' the corn . " ' Corn , ' he says , ' there ain 't no corn . ' " ' What you talkin ' about ? ' I said . ' Ain 't we got forty acres ? " " ' You mean you won 't get no crop at all ? ' I asked him . I couldn 't believe it , after he 'd worked so hard . " ' No crop this year , ' he says . ' That 's why we 're havin ' a picnic . We might as well enjoy what we got . ' " An ' that 's how your father behaved , when all the neighbours was so discouraged they couldn 't look you in the face . An ' we enjoyed ourselves that year , poor as we was , an ' our neighbours wasn 't a bit better off for bein ' miserable . Some of ' em grieved till they got poor digestions and couldn 't relish what they did have . " The younger boys said they thought their father had the best of it . But Rudolph was thinking that , all the same , the neighbours had managed to get ahead more , in the fifteen years since that time . There must be something wrong about his father 's way of doing things . He wished he knew what was going on in the back of Polly 's mind . He knew she liked his father , but he knew , too , that she was afraid of something . When his mother sent over coffee - cake or prune tarts or a loaf of fresh bread , Polly seemed to regard them with a certain suspicion . When she observed to him that his brothers had nice manners , her tone implied that it was remarkable they should have . With his mother she was stiff and on her guard . Mary 's hearty frankness and gusts of good humour irritated her . Polly was afraid of being unusual or conspicuous in any way , of being ' ordinary ' as she said ! " You boys like me to tell you about some of dem hard times I been through in London ? " Warmly encouraged , he sat rubbing his forehead along the deep creases . It was bothersome to tell a long story in English ( he nearly always talked to the boys in Czech ) , but he wanted Polly to hear this one . " Well , you know about dat tailor shop I worked in in London ? I had one Christmas dere I ain 't never forgot . Times was awful bad before Christmas ; de boss ain 't got much work , an ' have it awful hard to pay his rent . It ain 't so much fun , bein ' poor in a big city like London , I 'll say ! All de windows is full of good t ' ings to eat , an ' all de pushcarts in de streets is full , an ' you smell ' em all de time , an ' you ain 't got no money - not a damn bit . I didn 't mind de cold so much , though I didn 't have no overcoat , chust a short jacket I 'd outgrowed so it wouldn 't meet on me , an ' my hands was chapped raw . But I always had a good appetite , like you all know , an ' de sight of dem pork pies in de windows was awful fur me ! " Day before Christmas was terrible foggy dat year , an ' dat fog gits into your bones and makes you all damp like . Mrs . Lifschnitz didn 't give us nothin ' but a little bread an ' drippin ' for supper , because she was savin ' to try for to give us a good dinner on Christmas Day . After supper de boss say I go an ' enjoy myself , so I went into de streets to listen to de Christmas singers . Dey sing old songs an ' make very nice music , an ' I run round after dem a good ways , till I got awful hungry . I t ' ink maybe if I go home , I can sleep till morning an ' forgit my belly . " I went into my corner real quiet , and roll up in my fedder quilt . But I ain 't got my head down , till I smell somet ' ing good . Seem like it git stronger an ' stronger , an ' I can 't git to sleep noway . I can 't understand dat smell . Dere was a gas light in a hall across de court , dat always shine in at my window a little . I got up an ' look round . I got a little wooden box in my corner fur a stool , ' cause I ain 't got no chair . I picks up dat box , and under it dere is a roast goose on a platter ! I can 't believe my eyes . I carry it to de window where de light comes in , an ' touch it and smell it to find out , an ' den I taste it to be sure . I say , I will eat chust one little bite of dat goose , so I can go to sleep , and tomorrow I won 't eat none at all . But I tell you , boys , when I stop , one half of dat goose was gone ! " " Poor little Papa , I don 't want him to be hungry ! " " Da 's long ago , child . I ain 't never been hungry since I had your mudder to cook fur me . " " Well , when I come to realize what I done , of course , I felt terrible . I felt better in de stomach , but very bad in de heart . I set on my bed wid dat platter on my knees , an ' it all come to me how hard dat poor woman save to buy dat goose , and how she got some neighbours to cook it dat got more fire , an ' how she put it in my corner to keep it away from dem hungry children . Dere was a old carpet hung up to shut my corner off , an ' de children wasn 't allowed to go in dere . An ' I know she put it in my corner because she trust me more ' n she did de violin boy . I can 't stand it to face her after I spoil de Christmas . So I put on my shoes and go out into de city . I tell myself I better throw myself in de river ; but I guess I ain 't dat kind of a boy . " It was after twelve o ' clock , an ' terrible cold , an ' I start out to walk about London all night . I walk along de river awhile , but dey was lots of drunks all along ; men , and women too . I chust move along to keep away from de police . I git onto de Strand , an ' den over to New Oxford Street , where dere was a big German restaurant on de ground floor , wid big windows all fixed up fine , an ' I could see de people havin ' parities inside . While I was lookin ' in , two men and two ladies come out , laughin ' and talkin ' and feelin ' happy about all dey been eatin ' an ' drinkin ' , and dey was speakin ' Chzech - not like de Austrians , but like de home folks talk it . " De big market at Covent Garden ain 't very far away , an ' by dat time it was open . I go dere an ' buy goose an ' some pork pies , an ' potatoes and onions , an ' cakes an ' oranges fur de children - all I could carry ! When I git home , everybody is still asleep . I pile all I bought on de kitchen table , an ' go in an ' lay down on my bed , an I ain 't waken up till I hear dat woman scream when she come out into her kitchen . My goodness , but she was surprise ! She laugh an ' cry at de same time , an ' hug me and waken all de children . She ain 't stop fur no breakfast ; she git de Christmas dinner ready dat morning , and we all sit down an ' eat all we can hold . I ain 't never seen dat violin boy have all he can hold before . " Two - three days after dat , de two men come to hunt me up , an ' dey ask my boss , and he give me a good report an ' tell dem I was a steady boy all right . One of dem Bohemians was very smart an ' run a Bohemian newspaper in New York , an ' de odder was a rich man , in de importing business , an ' dey been traveling togedder . Dey told me how t ' ings was easier in New York , an ' offered to pay my passage when dey was goin ' home soon on a boat . My boss say to me : ' You go . You ain 't got no chance here , an ' I like to see you git ahead , fur you always been a good boy to my woman , and fur dat fine Christmas dinner you give us all . ' An ' da 's how I got to New York . " The winter turned out badly for farmers . It was bitterly cold , and after the first light snows before Christmas there was no snow at all - and no rain . March was as bitter as February . On those days when the wind fairly punished the country , Rosicky sat by his window . In the fall he and the boys had put in a big wheat planting , and now the seed had frozen in the ground . All that land would have to be ploughed up and planted over again , planted in corn . It had happened before , but he was younger then , and he never worried about what had to be . He was sure of himself and of Mary ; he knew they could bear what they had to bear , that they would always pull through somehow . But he was not so sure about the young ones , and he felt troubled because Rudolph and Polly were having such a hard start . They would have to work hard on the farm , and probably they would never do much more than make a living . But if he could think of them as staying here on the land , he wouldn 't have to fear any great unkindness for them . Hardships , certainly ; it was a hardship to have the wheat freeze in the ground when seed was so high ; and to have to sell your stock because you had no feed . But there would be other years when everything came along right , and you caught up . And what you had was your own . You didn 't have to choose between bosses and strikers , and go wrong either way . You didn 't have to do with dishonest and cruel people . They were the only things in his experience he had found terrifying and horrible : the look in the eyes of a dishonest and crafty man , of a scheming and rapacious woman . In the country , if you had a mean neighbour , you could keep off his land and make him keep off yours . But in the city , all the foulness and misery and brutality of your neighbours was part of your life . The worst things he had come upon in his journey through the world were human , - depraved and poisonous specimens of man . To this day he could recall certain terrible faces in the London streets . There were mean people everywhere , to be sure , even in their own country town here . But they weren 't tempered , hardened , sharpened , like the treacherous people in cities who live by grinding or cheating or poisoning their fellow - men . He had helped to bury two of his fellow - workmen in the tailoring trade , and he was distrustful of the organized industries that see one out of the world in big cities . Here , if you were sick , you had Doctor Ed to look after you ; and if you died , fat Mr . Haycock , the kindest man in the world , buried you . It seemed to Rosicky that for good , honest boys like his , the worst they could do on the farm was better than the best they would be likely to do in the city . If he 'd had a mean boy , now , one who was crooked and sharp and tried to put anything over on his brothers , then town would be the place for him . But he had no such boy . As for Rudolph , the discontented one , he would give the shirt off his back to anyone who touched his heart . What Rosicky really hoped for his boys was that they could get through the world without ever knowing much about the cruelty of human beings . " Their mother and me ain 't prepared them for that , " he sometimes said to himself . These thoughts brought him back to a grateful consideration of his own case . What an escape he had had , to be sure ! He , too , in his time , had had to take money for repair work from the hand of a hungry child who let it go so wistfully ; because it was money due his boss . And now , in all these year , he had never had to take a cent from anyone in bitter need - never had to look at the face of a woman become like a wolf 's from struggle and famine . When he thought of these things , Rosicky would put on his cap and jacket and slip down to the barn and give his work - horses a little extra oats , letting them eat it out of his hand in their slobbery fashion . It was his way of expressing what he felt , and made him chuckle with pleasure . The spring came warm , with blue skies , - but dry , dry as bone . The boys began ploughing up the wheat - fields to plant them over in corn . Rosicky would stand at the fence corner and watch them , and the earth was so dry it blew up in clouds of brown dust that hid the horses and the sulky plough and the driver . It was a bad outlook . The big alfalfa - field that lay between the home place and Rudolph 's came up green , but Rosicky was worried because during that open windy winter a great many Russian thistle plants had blown in there and lodged . He kept asking the boys to rake them out ; he was afraid their seed would root and " take the alfalfa . " Rudolph said that was nonsense . The boys were working so hard planting corn , their father felt he couldn 't insist about the thistles , but he set great store by that big alfalfa - field . It was a feed you could depend on , - and there was some deeper reason , vague , but strong . The peculiar green of that clover woke early memories in old Rosicky , went back to something in his childhood in the old world . When he was a little boy , he had played in fields of that strong blue - green colour . One morning , when Rudolph had gone to town in the car , leaving a work - team idle in his barn , Rosicky went over to his son 's place , put the horses to the buggy - rake , and set about quietly taking up those thistles . He behaved with guilty caution , and rather enjoyed stealing a march on Doctor Ed , who was just then taking his first vacation in seven years of practice and was attending a clinic in Chicago . Rosicky got the thistles raked up , but did not stop to burn them . That would take some time , and his breath was pretty short , so he thought he had better get the horses back to the barn . He got them into the barn and to their stalls , but the pain had come on so sharp in his chest that he didn 't try to take the harness off . He started for the house , bending lower with every step . The cramp in his chest was shutting him up like a jack - knife . When he reached the windmill , he swayed and caught at the ladder . He saw Polly coming down the hill , running with the swiftness of a slim greyhound . In a flash she had her shoulder under his armpit . Somehow they did , though Rosicky became blind with pain ; he could keep on his legs , but he couldn 't steer his course . The next thing he was conscious of was lying on Polly 's bed , and Polly bending over him wringing out bathtowels in hot water and putting them on his chest . She stopped only to throw coal into the stove , and she kept the tea - kettle and the black pot going . She put these hot applications on him for nearly an hour , she told him afterwards , and all that time he was drawn up stiff and blue , with the sweat pouring off him . Rosicky 's eyelids fluttered . " Don 't telephone , Polly . It ain 't no use to scare my wife . It 's nice and quiet here , an ' if I ain 't too much trouble to you , just let me lay still till I feel like myself . I ain 't got no pain now . It 's nice here . " Polly bent over him and wiped the moisture from his face . " Oh , I 'm so glad it 's over ! " she broke out impulsively . " It just broke my heart to see you suffer so , Father . " Rosicky motioned her to sit down on the chair where the tea - kettle had been , and looked up at her with that lively affectionate gleam in his eyes . " You was awful good to me , I won 't never forgit dat . I hate it to be sick on you like dis . Down at de barn I say to myself , dat young girl ain 't had much experience in sickness , I don 't want to scare her , an ' maybe she 's got a baby comin ' or somet ' ing . " Polly took his hand . He was looking at her so intently and affectionately and confidingly ; his eyes seemed to caress her face , to regard it with pleasure . She frowned with her funny streaks of eyebrows , and them smiled back at him . " I guess maybe there is something of that kind going to happen . But I haven 't told anyone yet , not my mother or Rudolph . You 'll be the first to know . " " I like mighty well to see dat little child , Polly , " was all he said . The he closed his eyes and lay half - smiling . But Polly sat still , thinking hard . She had a sudden feeling that nobody in the world , not her mother , not Rudolph , or anyone , really loved her as much as old Rosicky did . It perplexed her . She sat frowning and trying to puzzle it out . It was as if Rosicky had a special gift for loving people , something that was like an ear for music or an eye for colour . It was quiet , unobtrusive ; it was merely there . You saw it in his eye , - perhaps that was why they were merry . You felt it in his hands , too . After he dropped off to sleep , she sat holding his warm , broad , flexible brown hand . She had never seen another in the least like it . She wondered if it wasn 't a kind of gipsy hand , it was so alive and quick and light in its communications , - very strange in a farmer . Nearly all the farmers she knew had huge lumps of fist , like mauls , or they were knotty and bony and uncomfortable - looking , with stiff fingers . But Rosicky 's was like quicksilver , flexible , muscular , about the colour of a pale cigar , with deep , deep creases across the palm . It wasn 't nervous , it wasn 't a stupid , lump ; it was a warm brown human hand , with some cleverness in it , a great deal of generosity , and something else which Polly could only call " gypsy - like " - something nimble and lively and sure , in the way that animals are . Polly remembered that hour long afterwards ; it had been like an awakening to her . It seemed to her that she had never learned so much about life from anything as from old Rosicky 's hand . It brought her to herself ; it communicated some direct and untranslatable message . " Oh , Rudy , your father 's been awful sick ! He raked up those thistles he 's been worrying about , and afterward he could hardly get to the house . He suffered so I was afraid he was going to die . " " On the bed . He 's asleep . I was terribly scared , because , you know , I 'm so fond of your father . " She slipped her arm through his and they went into the house . That afternoon they took Rosicky home and put him to bed , though he protested that he was quite well again . The next morning he got up and dressed and sat down to breakfast with his family . He told Mary that his coffee tasted better than usual to him , and he warned the boys not to bear any tales to Doctor Ed when he got home . After breakfast he sat down by his window to do some patching and asked Mary to thread several needles for him before she went to feed her chickens , - her eyes were better than his , and her hands steadier . He lit his pipe and took up John 's overalls . Mary had been watching him anxiously all morning , and as she went out of the door with her bucket of scraps , she saw that he was smiling . He was thinking , indeed , about Polly , and how he might never have known what a tender heart she had if he hadn 't got sick over there . Girls nowadays didn 't wear their heart on their sleeve . But now he knew Polly would make a fine woman after the foolishness wore off . Either a woman had that sweetness at her heart or she hadn 't . You couldn 't always tell by the look of them ; but if they had that , everything came out right in the end . After he had taken a few stitches , the cramp began in his chest , like yesterday . He put his pipe cautiously down on the window - sill and bent over to ease the pull . No use , - he had better try to get to his bed if he could . He rose and groped his way across the familiar floor , which was rising and falling like the deck of a ship . At the door he fell . When Mary came in , she found him lying there , and the moment she touched him she knew that he was gone . Doctor Ed was away when Rosicky died , and for the first few weeks after he got home he was harddriven . Every day he said to himself that he must get out to see that family that had lost their father . One soft , warm moonlight night in early summer he started for the farm . His mind was on other things , and not until his road ran by the graveyard did he realize that Rosicky wasn 't over there on the hill where the red lamplight shone , but here , in the moonlight . He stopped his car , shut off the engine , and sat there for a while . A sudden hush had fallen on his soul . Everything here seemed strangely moving and significant , though signifying what , he did not know . Close by the wire fence stood Rosicky 's mowing - machine , where one of the boys had been cutting hay that afternoon ; his own work - horses had been going up and down there . The new - cut hay perfumed all the night air . The moonlight silvered the long , billowy grass that grew over the graves and hid the fence ; the few little evergreens stood out black in it , like shadows in a pool . The sky was very blue and soft , the stars rather faint because the moon was full . For the first time it struck Doctor Ed that this was really a beautiful graveyard . He thought of city cemeteries ; acres of shrubbery and heavy stone , so arranged and lonely and unlike anything in the living world . Cities of the dead , indeed ; cities of the forgotten , of the " put away . " But this was open and free , this little square of long grass which the wind for ever stirred . Nothing but the sky overhead , and the many coloured fields running on until they met that sky . The horses worked here in summer ; the neighbours passed on their way to town ; and over yonder , in the cornfield , Rosicky 's own cattle would be eating fodder as winter came on . Nothing could be more undeathlike than this place ; nothing could be more right for a man who had helped to do the work of great cities and had always longed for the open country and had got to it at last . Rosicky 's life seemed to him complete and beautiful . |
When Molly threw me out , I didn 't know what hit me . Why the hell would she want to get rid of me ? She said she was bored with me , and that I obviously didn 't love her any more , if I ever did . Can you imagine a woman you 'd been happily married to for over thirty years saying something like that ? We were sitting at the kitchen table one Saturday morning in early June , just like we did every morning . She was pretty quiet , and that wasn 't so unusual , but she seemed to have something on her mind . Anyway , just as we finished eating , she got up and went to a drawer in the counter , opened it , and pulled out an envelope . She sat down and passed it to me . I looked down at the envelope and saw the neatly printed name and address of a well - known legal firm . A cold feeling came over me , and my guts tightened . I looked back up at Molly but she was stone - faced , giving away nothing . I picked up the unsealed envelope , and pulled out the contents . I unfolded the papers inside and stopped cold when I saw the title of the first page : PETITION FOR DIVORCE . " What does it look like , Jack ? I want a divorce and I want you to leave this house . It 's as simple as that . " She said it like it was a comment about the weather , or maybe the price of bread . " I don 't love you , Jack . My life is a bore , and we don 't talk to each other . I don 't think you love me , either . We 're just living together , " she said , continuing her matter - of - fact tone . " Jesus , Molly . . . this is crazy . You can 't just throw me out . I live here too . I 'm the only person who earns any money . I have something to say about this , " I began shouting . " Don 't get all bent out of shape , Jack . I don 't want your money despite what my lawyer tells me . We 'll split the savings and retirement stuff . I 'll sell the house , and you 'll get half of the net . I 'm not trying to cheat you . " " What are you going to live on , Molly ? You know what I earn . . . not enough to support two households . " I was beginning to fight back . " I have a job . I can look after myself . I don 't need you or your money , Jack , " she said in that flat tone again . After I while , I got up and went to the back closet where we kept the suitcases . I pulled out a couple , taking them to our bedroom . I packed my stuff as best I could manage , and hauled them out to the car . I threw them into the trunk and went back to the house . I figured I should say something . I stood in the kitchen and looked at her for a moment . Her head was in her hands , and I couldn 't be sure , but I thought she might be crying . I picked up the envelope and walked out the front door , closing it behind me . I never said a word . Molly kept her part of the bargain . She set up her own accounts , and only withdrew half of what had been our joint accounts . I drove by the house a few days later and saw the realtor 's for sale sign on the lawn . I was living in a crummy motel on the edge of town , but two nights in that dump told me I needed to find a better place . I looked in the classifieds , found several listings for furnished apartments , and started my hunt . Two days later I found an affordable , not too disreputable apartment in a quiet part of town , and signed the lease . My first priority was to work toward getting the hell out of this jail cell as soon as humanly possible . There 's only so much pacing you can do in a six hundred square foot box . I planned to spend my nights watching television and little more . Cablevision gave me a choice of fifty channels , one or two of which actually had programs I wanted to see . I had no choice in my prior life . I watched what Molly wanted to watch , and that was that . Now , I could watch what I wanted , when I wanted . I could also drink beer and eat Cheetos whenever I felt like it . I didn 't have to get permission - - or feel guilty . I was free , and for a few days it was a good feeling . A couple of things changed fairly early in my new bachelorhood . First , I wasn 't sleeping well . I was able to get to sleep , but I was waking at all hours of the night with my mind operating at full speed . I tried to find things to think about that would put me back to sleep , but I was mired in all kinds of weird thoughts that were tumbling around in my mind . Another change happened one Sunday morning when I got out of the shower . I walked into the bedroom to find some clothes for the day . The back of the closet door had a full length mirror , and I stopped and looked at myself critically for the first time in quite awhile . What looked back at me was a five - foot - nine - inch , overweight , white skinned , fifty - four year - old male with a beer gut , and more hair on his chest than he had on his head . In short , I looked like hell . I couldn 't think of a single thing that would attract a woman , and I began to see what Molly had seen . She never said I was ugly , but she beat all around that bush . Now , I saw for myself that I needed to do something about my appearance and my health if I wanted more out of life than a heart attack and a lonely funeral . What got me going was a TV commercial for a pharmaceutical with the tag line : " Consult your doctor if you plan to use . . . " My doctor was Vic Chapman , M . D . and G . P . He was a good guy , in his mid thirties , and pretty fit . I decided to get a checkup and some advice to lose weight . Sometimes I do the right thing even when I don 't realize it . Vic was a cool guy , and he laid it on the line pretty straight . First he gave me the usual physical and had me provide some blood and urine samples . His office called me a few days after the exam and set up another appointment for me . " You have managed to combine hypertension , also known as high blood pressure , with elevated cholesterol levels , and topped it all off with type 2 diabetes . That 's quite a combination . It could also be a death sentence . " " No . . . no operation . . . at least not yet . The club you 've joined isn 't exclusive . Over half the men past forty belong to it in one form or another . It comes from bad diet , no exercise , stress , and an assortment of other things including a genetic predisposition . " " You asked me what it means . It means you 're headed in a dangerous direction , and if you want to live a reasonably long life , you need to make some changes . " Then he added emphatically , " And you need to make them now ! " " Sure , I 'm going to prescribe pills to manage your blood pressure and help with your cholesterol . For the time being , you can probably control your diabetes with diet . But none of it will be worth a damn if you keep going the way you 've been going . " " No . . . nothing like that . Molly kicked me out of the house , and I saw myself in the mirror the other day . I didn 't like what I saw . " For exercise , he suggested walking , biking or swimming , but not running . At my age , it was too hard on the joints and too little benefit for the effort . For diet , he gave me a notice from the Diabetes Association , and suggested I go to one of their introductory clinics for some advice . He said they would tell me to lay off fats and salt , reduce carbohydrates , and balance my meals throughout the day . I looked pretty forlorn when he finished with me . I was still upset with Molly and the pending divorce . It was going to be very difficult for me to make a lifestyle change like this and make it stick . " Jack , what you 're going through with Molly . . . that 's one of the most stressful things anyone can face . Now you 've got this health issue piled right on top of it . I 'm going to make a suggestion to you , and I hope you take advantage of it . I 'm willing to write a letter to your boss that you are suffering from a serious stress disorder , and that you are currently unfit for work . Your insurance would cover you for up to six months , but I will suggest they allow you three months . " The insurance company probably won 't protest since it 's only your second claim , and the first one was for your broken arm ten years ago . That will give you three months to get your life in order without having to worry about your job , or how you were going to find the time to make all these changes . In three months , you can do a lot of good things for your health and your outlook . " " Nope . . . he can 't . . . it 's the law . And , even if he does , that gives you three months to find something better , or at least different . You aren 't that old , Jack . You can survive this and come out better on the other side . " He was probably right . I hated my job and the asshole boss that made every day miserable . I had tolerated it because I still had two mouths to feed and a mortgage to pay , but all that was over now . I just had myself to look after , and I decided right then and there that I was never going back to SandStacker Stone again . The day my medical leave ended was my last day with them , no matter what . As it turned out , it was an academic decision . As I expected , Sandivale flipped his lid when he found out I was off for three months , and fired me on the spot . I calmly advised him of the law , and suggested he talk to his lawyer brother - in - law and get his facts straight . A day later I got a phone message from him that the day I came off Short Term Disability , I was fired and there would only be a month 's salary as severance . If I wanted to fight it , I knew who my lawyer could talk to . Frankly , I had no interest in fighting it unless I couldn 't find work by then . I would wait him out , but I was getting what I wanted from the miserable bastard anyway - - my freedom after twenty - seven years of continuous frustration . I couldn 't believe how much better I felt almost immediately . It was like a weight had been lifted off my back . I had an income , and I had the sense that my future was in my own hands for once . I began my exercise program by walking every morning and again after supper . I went to the community center and checked the schedule for public swimming , finding two useable times for mixed adult swimming : at three on Wednesday afternoons , and Sunday evening at seven . I hadn 't been swimming since I was in my twenties , and I was hoping I wouldn 't drown the first time out . It was more difficult and more strenuous than I had remembered , but I was trying to move a lot more mass through the water than thirty odd years ago . I kept at it and it got a bit easier , but never truly easy . It also gave me a bit of social time , as several women were in the Wednesday class . I had someone to talk with , and compare my progress . They were all giving me encouragement to stick with the plan . I had begun to extend my walks after the third week , and I was feeling a lot more energetic in the mornings . The evening walks were a little less aggressive , more for end - of - the - day relaxation purposes . I got a little tired of my usual routes , and began to seek out alternatives to reduce the boredom . " Mr . Tompkins , I think I can help you . Under state law , anyone with more than fifteen years of continuous employment with a single employer is entitled to the maximum severance , provided you were not fired for cause . Thanks to your long service , you are entitled to ninety days with full benefits , plus any owed vacation . " What I can do for you is write you a letter with a copy of this regulation . I suggest you send a copy of it to both your former employer and their lawyer ; then wait to see what happens . If necessary , we can intervene if he fails to live up to his legal obligations . If he decides to fight his obligation , then we can take more decisive action based on a formal complaint from you . Will that help ? " I leaned over the counter and gave her a big , wet , smacking kiss on the cheek , and watched her blush a crimson red . I left the office floating on air . I now had six months of that bastard 's money and plenty of time to find another job . I couldn 't remember feeling this good , and I began to think my luck had changed . When I stepped on the scales at the end of the month , I knew I had lost weight but I didn 't know how much . Eleven pounds ! From 207 down to 196 in just over four weeks . I couldn 't believe it . More than I thought possible . I was on a high , and I was more committed than ever to my new lifestyle . At the end of the second month , I was disappointed because I had only lost another seven pounds . I talked to a couple of people at the pool that Sunday night , and they both said the same thing : the first pounds are the easiest , and every month after that it gets a little harder . They don 't come off as quickly . I checked what they told me at the library . It was certainly true , especially because I was not losing weight with a crash diet but rather with a lifestyle change . The bad news was I was losing weight slower . The good news was that it would probably stay off , provided I kept to the new lifestyle . Why shouldn 't I ? I felt better , I looked better , and Vic told me I 'd live longer Hey , it took me years to put on the gut I 'd been packing around , and now it was going to take some time and effort to get rid of it . On top of what the scale told me , when I looked in the mirror on my closet door , I could see the difference . I kept putting off buying new clothes until fall . I could live with pants that were a bit baggy in the ass and shirts that were a bit loose . It was a badge of progress in a way . At the end of the third month , a week after Labor Day , I had lost another six pounds and I now weighed 183 . I definitely needed new clothes and , thanks to the generosity of SandStacker , I could afford it . I had sent the letter from the State Employment Office to Sandivale and a copy to his shyster brother - in - law , then bided my time . When I walked out of the men 's store in the local mall , I felt like a new man all over again . I had three pairs of khaki slacks , stain resistant and stretch fit . I had bought three oxford cotton button - down no - iron shirts in solid colors and three more pattern sport shirts in the same material . I put the bags in the trunk of my car and returned to the mall and headed for the shoe store . I spent over a hundred dollars on a pair of Rockport dress shoes , and almost seventy - five on a pair of Bridgeport boat shoes that were too comfortable not to buy . I had already bought a pair of Columbia all - weather walking shoes when I started my exercise program , and I would never go back to ordinary shoes again . I took my dress - black Bostonian 's into the shoe repair , and had them re - soled and re - heeled to complete my shoe wardrobe . I had spent nearly three hundred dollars on footwear in the last few weeks , probably more than I had spent totally in my adult life . I didn 't regret one dime of it . I looked in the mirror in my new ensemble , and smiled at what I saw . The newly improved Jack Tompkins was looking a lot better . I had cut my hair short , leaving nothing on the sides and back but a half inch . It seemed to make me look younger , especially since the beer gut was gone . " Jack , you look terrific . I 'm impressed ! I 'm also really happy for you . I 've received your blood tests and you 're controlling your diabetes . Your weight is almost down to 180 , a huge improvement . Your blood pressure is normal and your cholesterol is better , but still a bit high in one area . We 'll have to see if we can come up with a plan for that . Otherwise , you 've worked wonders in the last three months . Congratulations ! " " Thanks . I feel a lot better and strangely enough , I have a lot more confidence in myself . I 've got another three months to look for a new job and I 've got a couple of leads that I want to follow up , so there 's hope for this old guy yet . " " I haven 't seen Molly since I left . I talked to her on the phone a couple of times , but nothing to do with my health or what I was doing . She knows I was off on stress leave , but that 's about it . " " No need . I 've been thinking about seeing her to find out how she 's doing , but now I 'm not sure about that . Maybe I just want to rub her nose in it a bit when she sees what changes I 've made . " " Well , she couldn 't help but be impressed . I want to see you every three months for the next year , Jack . I want to make sure everything is stable . Here 's a card for the clinic . Get them to take blood samples each time a few days before your appointment , OK ? " " Sure . Listen , Dr . Chapman . . . Vic . I can 't thank you enough for your help . You got me going in the right direction . I just wish I 'd come to you a lot sooner . " It was another high . I had put a stop to my deteriorating health . I wouldn 't ever be perfect , and I would always need medication for my blood pressure and cholesterol , but I felt better and more optimistic about my future . Now I needed something to do to earn some money to make that future better . I had answered an ad for a new position at a plastics manufacturer in Reardon , about twenty miles north of town . It was apparently a fast growing business , and needed some people to get their systems under control . I got a phone call in mid - September that they were ready to interview , and could I make myself available on Thursday , at 10 : 30 am . I called back immediately and told them I would be there . A couple of weeks earlier , I had bought an old computer and dot - matrix printer in a garage sale with the idea that at least I could have a word processor and some basic functions available . When I booted it up after I got it home , I discovered it had an older version of Office , including Word , Excel , PowerPoint , and an early version of Access . I had everything I needed for a home office . I initially resisted an Internet hookup , but recognized I would need an e - mail address sooner or later , and signed on with the phone company for a basic high - speed service . I typed up a resume and printed it out , looking it over carefully for errors . I had something to offer when it came to organizational skills , as well as being pretty handy with computer - based programs , particularly those that used a Windows platform . I had no idea what to expect . The last job interview I 'd been to was nearly thirty years earlier , and it consisted of showing my high school diploma and demonstrating I could keep records accurately . I worried I wasn 't exactly prepared for the new business world . I decided my best option was to go with honesty , to tell them what I could do and what I couldn 't . I was fifteen minutes early getting to the new Interstate Plastics plant . Instead of sitting in the car , I decided to walk around the site and view the surroundings . It was new , so there wasn 't much to judge about the neatness of the site . It had a rail siding with room for about five , maybe six cars . It had five truck bays , and a large turn - around area for the truckers . It had been well thought out . I was encouraged . About five minutes before my interview , I walked into the office on the main floor and asked to see Mr . Rothmann . A smiling Aser Rothmann walked out from the corridor leading to the back offices . He was a thickly built man with powerful looking arms and a short neck . His hair was going gray , and I guessed his age to be mid - forties . I was wearing my one and only blue blazer , new for the occasion . I had a light blue oxford shirt and tan khaki pants with my new dress Rockports . For the first time since my daughter 's wedding , I wore a tie . Rothmann , on the other hand , wore a forest green polo shirt , tan khakis , and a pair of Top - siders . I needn 't have worried about my dress for the interview . He introduced himself and asked me to follow him down the corridor to his office . It was large and simply decorated , very neat and tidy . We chatted for a few minutes about what I had been doing at SandStacker , and what specific skills and experience I had on systems and logistics . He didn 't take notes , but I got the sense he wasn 't missing anything either . I felt the interview was going pretty well . He was asking the kind of questions that would bring him the answers he needed to know , not useless stuff . I wasn 't ready for the one question he asked near the end of the interview . " I think . . . no . . . I know . . . that too often companies make buying decisions on price alone . I saw it all the time at SandStacker . The problem is that the money saved on the purchase price was usually thrown away on the shop floor when the product didn 't perform . I don 't pretend to know the resin business , sir , but I 'm betting not all resins are created equal , and the trick is to get the balance that gives you the best cost out the back door as finished goods . " Aser smiled and nodded . " Couldn 't have said it better myself . Jack , I 'd like you to meet Keith Slocum . He 's our Production Manager , an ex - Brit and very knowledgeable . I want him to get a feel for you as well . Do you mind ? " Rothmann picked up his phone , punched a single button and waited for a moment . " Keith , I have a candidate in my office . Can you spare some time for him now ? " There was a brief pause . " Great ! Pick him up in my office , and you can use the board room . " " Good question . In fact , it will depend on the skills of the best candidate . We need someone with good organizational skills , able to communicate with various departments , some negotiating experience , and generally the type of person who would fit well into what I call the ' Interstate Culture . ' That 's a fancy way of saying that he gets along well with our kind of people . " " Well . . . Aser , I feel pretty comfortable with everything except the negotiating part . I haven 't done that before . The boss did all that . I don 't think I 'm the kind of person who would do well at beating down a supplier . I always tried to make them want to do well for us . " " Jack , I think you 're going to do just fine . I don 't beat down suppliers either . I just don 't want them taking advantage of us . Some of them are among the world 's largest corporations , and they get funny ideas in their head sometimes . The resin business is a loosely formed cartel of like - minded chemical companies . You don 't negotiate with them as much as you seduce them . " I breathed a little easier except for that bit about my doing just fine . Did that mean I had the job ? I hadn 't even asked how much it paid . I had just about opened my mouth to ask when a slightly built , younger man walked into the office . We made the obligatory introductions with a minute 's small talk , and then Keith ushered me out toward a large , open , windowless room . There was a long table with at least a dozen chairs around it . The walls were decorated with pictures of products , and samples were displayed in glass cabinets along the end wall . Like everything else in the place , it was new , and the fabric - covered chairs were very comfortable . Keith and I chatted about business philosophy for several minutes . I couldn 't detect any points of disagreement , but maybe he was playing his cards close to the vest . I found him easy to talk to and we certainly agreed on the need for back and forth communications to stay on top of things . We talked for about twenty minutes before he led me out to the production floor . It was amazingly clean and well organized . It was such a pleasant change from my previous environment . Keith explained what each machine was doing and showed me the resin delivery system , as well as their shipping and finished goods area . We spent over a half hour on the floor before he looked at his watch and apologized , excusing himself for a shop supervisor 's meeting . He escorted me back to Aser 's office and I thanked him for his time . He smiled , nodding to Aser , and left the office for the shop floor . " Well , the truth is , I don 't know yet . The reason is , the more the candidate is able to do , the more he 'll earn . I 'd like you to meet with our sales manager , Chuck Freeman . I suggested he take you to lunch . He 's another key part of this business , and you 'll need to know what he 's up to as well . Are you OK for time ? " " None . First of all , age discrimination is illegal , even though it 's hard to prove . Secondly , I want the best person for the job , regardless . Out in the engineering department I have a man who 's 72 years old . He specializes in die design and modification . He 's a valuable employee , and we would be lost without him . " Aser Rothmann smiled and nodded . " Come along . . . let 's find Chuck . " And with that we headed back to the lobby where the receptionist paged Mr . Freeman . When he came into the lobby , I was surprised . He was a redheaded bowling ball . If he was five - and - a - half feet tall , he was five - and - a - half feet wide . His brush cut hair was bright red , and his age appeared to be late - thirties . I shook his fat little hand and we headed out the door to his SUV . We traveled for about ten minutes , pulling into a ranch - style restaurant just off the main highway . Chuck knew everyone in the place and everyone knew Chuck , including a number of the customers . " You don 't have to order a salad just ' cause I am , " Chuck smiled . " I 'm on my tenth or eleventh different diet , still trying to lose weight , " he sighed . " It 's a fuckin ' waste of time . I 'm goin ' to get them doctors to carve it off me , just like the whalers did . " Chuck started to laugh . " In the meantime , I 'm pretendin ' I 'm a rabbit . " We talked for a while about health and fitness , and it was obvious it was weighing on Chuck 's mind . He knew he needed to do something about it , but he was frustrated with all the free advice and miracle cures being thrown at him . Finally , he asked me the question I expected . Chuck laughed heartily , nearly choking on his salad . " Damn man . . . maybe that 's the solution . I 'll just get the old trout to throw me out and I 'll be OK . " We got down to brass tacks a couple of minutes later , and it didn 't take long to figure out that underneath Chuck 's rough exterior was a very sharp brain . He understood selling value , and not falling prey to the price point vultures . The more I talked to him , the more I could see why Aser Rothmann wanted this guy as his head of sales . He knew how to sell , and understood both the strategy of his products and the needs of his customers . Chuck dropped me off at the parking lot and I went inside to thank Aser for the thorough interview as well as the lunch . He was out , so I asked the receptionist to thank him for me . I could call him tomorrow she suggested . He would be in all morning . I thanked her , then headed out to my car and began the drive home . Along the way I wondered about my chances to land this job . I wanted it very badly , more than I thought I would want any job . I was excited that I even had a chance , but I was afraid to get my hopes up . I would call Aser in the morning and thank him , hoping I would get a clue from him then about how well I did . I walked into my apartment later that afternoon , and noticed the light flashing on my answering machine . I looked down , saw that there were two messages , and decided they could wait a few minutes . I wanted to change out of my dress clothes into something more comfortable . I pulled on a new pair of Wranglers and dark blue polo shirt , and headed for the kitchen . I took out my pitcher of unsweetened iced tea , poured a glass , and returned to the answering machine . The first message caught me by surprise . It was Molly , and she wanted me to call her tonight after she got home from work . The number she left was the same number we had at the old house . I hadn 't been by in several weeks , and I didn 't know if she had sold the house or not . Maybe that 's what the call was about . Or maybe it was about one of the kids . That wasn 't likely . They knew my number . I talked to them a couple of times a month . I 'd just have to wait and see what she wanted . The second message was from Aser Rothmann , and I could feel my heart freeze in my chest when I heard his voice . The message was short and sweet , very sweet . He apologized for not being able to say goodbye today , but asked if I could come and meet with him tomorrow or the first day it was convenient . He had a job he wanted to offer me . I thumped back down in the chair beside the phone and just stared off into space . How did this happen ? What gods were riding on my shoulder all of a sudden ? I 'd gone from the asshole that Molly cast away to a guy with a brighter future . I had a new body , and new wardrobe , and now I had a new job at a place I really wanted to be . I called Interstate 's office , and left a message for Aser that I would be there tomorrow morning at nine am , if that wasn 't too early . This called for a celebration . I walked to my kitchen pantry , pulled out a bottle of Cabernet I 'd been saving for a special occasion . Over the next two and a half hours I drank the whole damn thing and enjoyed every last drop . It wasn 't the smartest thing I could have done . I had conveniently forgotten that I needed to phone Molly after dinner and here was I without anything in my stomach except a bottle of Cabernet , and it was almost six o ' clock . I made a pot of coffee and began to prepare my evening meal . Molly could wait until I was good and ready to phone her . It was about eight o ' clock when the phone rang , and I put down the magazine I was reading and picked it up . " Jack . . . there 's a couple of things I need to talk to you about . I don 't want to do it on the phone . Can we get together somewhere ? " " Yeah . . . I guess so . I have to go out tomorrow , but I 'll be home after dinner . Where do you want to meet ? " My voice was very non - committal , and I wasn 't giving her any more information than necessary . And with that I hung up . It was about as cold a conversation as I have ever produced . I was damned if I was going to sound anxious to see her . She was in for a big enough surprise when she saw me anyway . I headed to Reardon just after eight the next morning . Once again , I was determined not to be late . I was almost vibrating I was so excited about this job . I just hoped it was something worthwhile , and that the salary would be enough to keep me happy . I thought about my meeting with Molly that night , and I wanted something to really catch her off - guard . I would be wearing my new clothes , and I wondered what her reaction would be when she saw me . I knew I looked very different from the last time we had been together , and I suspected she was in for a shock . I also wondered just how much to tell her about my new life : my exercise , my health , my diet , and now my new job . I guess I 'd just have to play those cards when the time came . I was more than twenty minutes early the next morning , so I stopped at a little coffee shop and ordered a decaf latte to give me something to do while killing some time . It didn 't help . I gulped the coffee and headed for the plant . You never know , there might have been a road block or something . I sat in the lot for about ten minutes before going inside . I was surprised to see Aser and another man sitting in the lobby , talking to each other . I smiled as they rose and Aser addressed me . " Jack this is Phil Tupper , our Controller . He 's the financial brains of Interstate , and my right hand man . I wanted him to meet with us when we talked . Shall we go in ? " I shook Phil 's hand , and followed them into Aser 's office . Aser closed the door behind us and we sat in the now familiar comfortable chairs around the coffee table . " This is still a small business , but it 's growing very rapidly . We need to get a grip on it quickly before we get ourselves into trouble . Phil will be the first to tell you that we are stretched too thin in administrative staff , and that we don 't have the systems or resources yet to haul ourselves out of that trap . " When we interviewed you , we were looking for someone to look after basic purchasing , and maybe some shipping logistics . When Keith and I talked , we realized you were capable of more than that . In addition , you had some ideas about store - bought systems that we could implement to get us up and running in a hurry . We need a lot of help , and we think you can get us going in the right direction . " Aser stopped and paused for a moment . He was about to begin again when there was a knock at the door , and a young lady entered with a tray of mugs and a plate of cookies . She set the tray down on the coffee table and stood as Aser introduced her . " Jack , this is Jennifer Sullivan . She heads up our customer service department . Jennifer has been with us since the origin of the company and is very good at her job . Jennifer , this is Jack Tompkins , who , if we 're lucky , will be joining us here . " Jennifer shook my hand with a firm grip and smiled . " I hope you 'll be happy here , Jack . It 's a great company . " With that , she turned and left the room , closing the door behind her . " Jennifer wasn 't hired to serve coffee . We have a rule that everyone gets to act as host or hostess to guests , and it was her turn today . It could be me tomorrow , " Aser said with a shrug . " Jack , I don 't want to leave you dangling here forever . Here 's what we 've got in mind . You would become our Logistics Manager . To start with , you would need to assess and develop operations systems for production planning , inventory management , sales forecasting , and purchasing . " Keith said you had some ideas about how that could be done with a minimum of fuss . You 'll need to organize the training of the staff , and you 'll need to work with Phil to develop the budget . We have a financial accounting system , and we 're hoping that we can integrate your systems into it , if possible . Otherwise , we 'll have to decide how to proceed . Does any of this sound like too much or not within your scope of experience ? " " Uh . . . well , I won 't pretend I 've done all those things , but I spent too much of my time at the old place trying to make a bunch of spit and baling wire systems work . I learned a lot of tricks , and I think I know where most of the land mines are buried . I won 't go on record to guarantee an easy development , because I don 't know your business . But I think we should be able to do all those things , and maybe even more if the gods are with us . " Aser continued , " Then what 's important now is to discuss your terms of employment . We expect you to succeed , but like everyone , top to bottom , we all go through an evaluation period . We will have a meeting with you after three months , six months , and a year . If everything goes the way I expect it to , you will have annual reviews conducted by myself with input from the other management staff . Understood ? " " Yes . It 'll be quite a change . I 've never had a review . I 'd just got yelled at now and then , " I laughed . " Well , I don 't know how anyone can work without knowing how they are doing . Anyway , I asked Phil to prepare a compensation package that reflects the work load , job category , and industry standards . He 's had it typed up , and I don 't want you to rush through it . I 'd like you to use the open office at the end of the hall , and look it over carefully . If you have any questions , Phil 's office is right next door , and I 'll be here as well . When you 're ready to talk about it , come and see us . OK ? " " I 've never had a job interview before . . . at least not a formal one . I can 't imagine they are all like this . However you have made this decision , I 'm delighted I get the chance to join Interstate . I knew I wanted to work here when I left yesterday afternoon , and the only difference today is that I 'm even more sure . Thank you very much . I feel very good about this . " I turned and walked down the hall to the empty office . I sat down with my head swimming . I tried to look at the employment offer , but I couldn 't focus . I needed to calm down . I walked out to the lobby , and asked for a glass of water . The receptionist pointed to an alcove off the hallway as she was talking on the phone , and I waved my thank you . As I filled the glass , another thought came to my mind . Once I 've got all these systems in place , what 's my job ? Purchasing Agent ? It was a question that needed to be answered . As I walked down the hall I noticed Aser 's door was closed but Phil 's was open , and he was reading something on his computer screen . I knocked softly . Phil laughed , and leaned back in his chair . " If you get all this stuff up and running , you can probably name your job . However , I think Aser is looking for a Chief Organizer . Off the record , we don 't intend to just sit with this one operation . Our product is light , and therefore shipping costs are an issue . We think we may have to develop two or even three more locations to properly service our national clients . I don 't think you have to worry about working yourself out of a job , Jack . By then , you 'll be ready to retire . " I could hear my breath as I let the air out of my lungs . I had been unbelievably tense over the past couple of hours , from the drive out here to the meeting in Aser 's office . I still didn 't know what the offer was . I needed to sit down and concentrate . . . now ! I nodded my thanks to Phil , walked next door to the empty office , closed the door , sat down , and pulled the papers before me . I began to deliberately read each line of each paragraph . Luckily , it wasn 't the usual legalese . It was written in plain English , and when I got to the salary figure , I froze . They were offering me over fifty percent more than SandStacker had paid me . But that wasn 't all . It was the starting salary , and I would have a salary review after three , six , and twelve months . If I passed those reviews , I would receive increases ; a modest 5 % at the first two reviews , but rising to 10 % at the year end review . I would have a fully paid health plan , as well as a profit sharing plan which was company wide , and a special executive bonus plan that was based on outstanding performance . I didn 't need to read any further . I put the paper down , leaned back in the chair and closed my eyes . Something had happened to me that I didn 't or couldn 't understand . I was still just Jack Tompkins , but now it was the new , improved Jack Tompkins . I was luckier than I had any right to expect . I couldn 't figure out why , but I was almost ready to thank Molly tonight for throwing me out . Everything seemed to stem from that day . Was I living in a dream world ? Was this some kind of sick , cosmic joke being played on poor old Jack ? ' Well , ' I thought , ' if it is , I plan to enjoy every single moment of it . ' I picked up the papers , walked next door to Phil 's office , and knocked . " I guess I didn 't . . . I couldn 't imagine there would be any more . . . I guess I was wrong . " I was feeling very small . " Well , no harm done . You get a company car , a Toyota Camry . Aser wants us to project an image of quality , and still be American . The Camry is built not far from here in Kentucky . You can select a color you like at the dealer . I can go with you , and let you know what your options are . " " Uh . . . thanks . That would be great . Can we do that next week ? I 'm just still trying to absorb the idea of the new job . " " I understand . I suppose you didn 't notice the part about the personal computer . You 'll be getting a Toshiba Satellite Laptop for your office , and when you travel . " " Yes , " Aser interrupted . " I want you to get to know our suppliers and their operations . In the beginning , this systems project is going to require you to visit operations that already use the contracting supplier 's equipment and programs . There 's only so much you can do in this office . You need to be out and learning our business , our suppliers , and our industry . It 's going to be a very busy time for you . " I nodded . I was having difficulty absorbing this enormous change . I picked up the employment contract , and folded it into the inside pocket of my blazer . I would read all the gory details at home this weekend . I was too unsettled to manage it now . I needed to calm down , and try and put this amazing two days into perspective . . . if I could . " No , I don 't think so . Welcome aboard , " Aser beamed as he held out his hand . I shook it gratefully , and then Phil 's . I was still convinced this was some kind of hallucinatory dream . It couldn 't be true . It was too good to be true . I walked out in a trance , said good afternoon to the receptionist , and headed for my car . I sat in the car for some time before I put the key in , and pulled out of the lot , heading for home . There were going to be some very big changes in my life , and they were going to happen almost right away . I needed to calm down , and get a grip . They were going to pay me a lot of money to do a lot of work . I had better be ready . On my way back to my apartment , I thought about the things I might want to change about my life . Obviously , I could afford a better place to live , but where ? Should I move to Reardon ? If I were going to be traveling , I would need a proper wardrobe for business . I might need a passport ; I 'd better apply soon . I couldn 't afford to let Aser and Phil know that I had never really been anywhere before . I had to learn as I went . Expense account ? I saw something about that in the agreement . I better read that carefully . Shit , so much to learn so fast . I hoped I was up to it . When I got home , my message light was flashing again and I pushed the button as I walked by toward the kitchen . It was Molly , reminding me of our ' date ' at seven thirty at Bruno 's . Jesus , it wasn 't even noon , and she was thinking I might not remember . I thought about it for a minute . Perhaps she 's anxious . Maybe she 's heard about my new job and wants in on the action . No , couldn 't be . I haven 't told anyone . What 's on her mind , I wondered . Well , whatever it is , for a change I have the upper hand . She doesn 't know anything about my new life . My appearance is going to be a big enough surprise for her . I had already decided I was going to keep my new life to myself . Let her wonder . |
CliffJanuary 26 , 2011 at 7 : 14 AMI believe everybody , no matter what their status , race , sex , or age , is vulnerable to the spirit of depression . Having said that there is different degrees of depression , and while it is simple to say have faith in God and He will guide you . That statement is the truth , the things is God may help you deal with it differently than he does with others . Some may need counseling or talking to a therapist or support group . Some may need medication for a while , or the rest of their life . The bottom line is God has to be at the foundation and throughout the entire process of dealing with depression . Being that depression is a spirit affliction that attacks the physical body , we have to have spiritual medication , and in some instances physical treatments to help the physical nature of us . ReplyDeleteAdd commentLoad more . . . I give all praises and honor to God . I have trusted in God to walk me through this journey . I am confident that God 's angels have watched over me during the difficult times in my life . This blog was created for those who have been sexual abused as a child and are in the healing process . It is a home for us to comfort one another and support each other as we face the challenges of each day . My book entitled " Daddy 's Wives " is my true life testimony on how God alone brought me out of the nightmare of sexual abuse as a child at the hands of my father . I have taken a lifelong commitment and I am dedicated to encouraging and motivating other victims of child sexual abuse that we can make it , we can become SURVIVORS ! Savannah M . My story begins on a warm , bright , and sunny day in May . What a beautiful day it is . One of those days you wake up and hear the birds singing and the rush of a cool breeze coming through the bedroom window . I can hear Jada , my granddaughter , down the hall singing and practicing her graduation march . She tells us to hurry and get dressed because she wants to be on time . My daughter Alexis and I smile at her and hurry to get dressed . Today is my granddaughter 's pre - school graduation . It is one of the biggest days in the mind of a young child , as well as for the parents and relatives of that young and innocent soul . My daughter and I are pulling into the Lakeland Elementary School parking lot . There are several people getting out of cars and walking toward the school . Jada is so happy ; she sees some of her friends and calls out to them . She asked her mom if she can go with them and her mom gives her that motherly nod of approval with a loving smile . They all look so nice and grown up with their little graduation clothes on . As we enter the auditorium , it is vibrant with people talking and hugging each other and looking for seats . You can feel the unconditional affection in this room as people gather to support the young lives of those they care so much about . We find some good seats on the third row , near the end . I look around and there are mothers , fathers , grandparents , and friends all around . The air is full of joy and filled with a festive mood . I stand and look toward the door ; I can see my granddaughter 's class appear in the doorway because they will be the first class to march . I am so excited that my heart jumps with joy . I touch my daughter directing her to take pictures of Jada standing in line . I tell Alexis , Jada is the fourth girl in line . Jada looks cute with her pretty pink dress , pink and white socks , and white shoes . Her hair is in a cute bun on top with a white flower . She is beautiful . My daughter stands up to catch the first shot of Jada with the camera . As her class marches in to the beat of " The Graduation March " , lights start flashing everywhere with people standing in their chairs with cameras and camcorders catching that great moment . Everybody is yelling and clapping proudly . As Jada is approaching the aisle , turning toward the stage , I look at her smiling face . There she is , five years old , acting so mature , looking so innocent . She is marching to the beat on time , like a college graduate . Jada passes by with her head held high . And as her classmates pass by in a single line they walk proudly too , looking like winners of an Oscar award walking the red carpet . To my surprise tears come to my eyes and begin to run down my face . I am overwhelmed by everything that 's going on around me . Then I realize something is happening . My mind and all my thoughts are not in this auditorium any more . My mind begins to play back my life when I was five and I realize I am in the past . I am now remembering back over forty - five years earlier . The tears begin to flow more , and my heart begins to ache , my throat now begins to fill with tears . I can see myself at five years old , but this little girl is crying and this little five - year - old girl is hurting . All of a sudden I feel like jumping up and running out of this auditorium . My mind is telling me to run but my feet are not moving . What am I going to do ? Just as my mind leaves , it returns . My mind takes me back to this past , and then my mind returns to the present because I can now hear the people begin to clap as the children are seated . I realize this is my granddaughter 's day . This is her graduation day . Jada had worked and practiced long and hard for this day . As I look on the stage I see her eyes searching the crowd to find her mother and her grandma . I wave and she waves back and this reassurance brings such a peaceful look over her face . The teachers prepare to pass out the awards . As each child 's name is called he stands up and walks across the stage . The cheering and clapping is loud . Each child after receiving their award turns and bows to the crowd . I am so happy for them . My granddaughter walks across the stage , up to the teacher , and reaches for her award . As she receives it , she turns to the audience and says , " Dear God , please give me the strength to hold back this awful pain and hurt I am feeling . Please Lord , not now . Let it be later when I can deal with it . " After the ceremony , my daughter and I take Jada out to dinner at a restaurant . We let her choose which restaurant . She quickly shouted she wanted to go to Captain Lobster 's & Seafood . She loves seafood , especially lobsters . She loved the lobster shells because she always wants to take them home just so her mother could end up throwing them away . At the table she goes on and on about her graduation day . It was so good to see her so happy and smiling again because in January , Jada 's grandfather had passed away . She loved him very much . She was there the morning he was having a heart attack and died at home , she was strong during this time and she said , She was my rock during this time , just a child , but so strong . Today she is full of joy and I am happy for her . She even shows the waiter her two awards she received and to our surprise they bring her a little cupcake with a candle on it , which makes her just laugh and laugh so hard . She hugs the waiter and kisses her mama and me . Then my daughter tells her she has another surprise for her . This was a trip to the movies to the new Disney picture that Jada had been so anxious to see . She asks the server for her lobster shell to take home . Then she walks around the table and says to me , Jada then turns and gives me this long hard hug , and she was right on - time . I needed to hear those words and I needed that hug . Jada and Alexis left the restaurant . As I watched them leave out the door and get into their car a strange feeling came over me that disconnected from the moment . I got up and decided to go home . I walked in the house , took off my shoes and started to undress . I suddenly stopped what I was doing and said to myself , After two hours at my computer I got up to stretch my legs and prepare a cup of coffee . Everything seemed different ; I begin to have strange feelings consume me . I felt there was this person inside of me crying to come out . So I went back to the computer and my mind began to play my past like an old movie on a black and white screen . I could see me , Savannah , a four - year - old little girl playing outdoors , jumping rope on a hot sunny day . Oh , it was such a lovely day and I was such a pretty little girl , two long ponytails , with pretty ribbons , and a cute face with a smile that went from ear to ear . I was very short with pretty fat little legs , like my momma . On this day I was dressed in a white dress that seemed to blow and move with the wind . I looked like an angel . I was so happy and carefree at this age . I loved playing with my dolls and sharing with my sister . We would make mud pies and set up play stores to sell leaves and rocks to my brothers . I loved the sunrise in the early mornings , I loved getting up with my mama and looking at the night 's sky filled with the shining stars , I loved when my mom would take us in after playing late outdoors . I loved everybody ! I loved life ! My thoughts took me back to when I was a child and we lived at 1307 Macon Street , which was my grandparents ' house . It was a big house with two stories and was painted white with green trimmings . There was a very large back porch and when you opened the door there was this large kitchen where I remember eating some of the best soul food I have ever tasted . The next room was the den with grandpa 's leather recliner sofa and big radio . Grandpa was always playing the radio with a preacher preaching or religious music . To the right of the living room was a bedroom ; straight ahead was another large bedroom that led to the front room . From the front room , there were a set of stairs that led to the four bedrooms on the second floor . There was a large screened in porch with a green swing that all the children loved to play on . Only three of us could sit in the swing at a time , but we took turns . There was this huge peach tree in the back yard , and in the summer , my grandpa would let us pick peaches from his peach tree , and we would eat until our stomachs hurt . My grandmother would sometimes make peach cobbler , which was delicious . Sometimes she would preserve them and they would end up being the best jam in town . I can almost taste that peach jam on some of grandma 's homemade hot biscuits right out of the oven . My mother , Maureen Oakes , was married to a Marine Staff Sergeant whom I saw only once in my life and never as a child . He was always gone , always out to sea for months and months . My mother told us that our father 's name was Darnell William Oakes , and she had borne him four children , my two brothers , Darnell Jr . and Greg , my sister Tracy , and me . My mother , Maureen Oakes , was the baby of her mother , Ruby Wright and Walley Wright . She was her mother 's favorite child and she always did as she pleased . As a young woman , she was very promiscuous . Because of her wild lifestyle her parents sent her to New Jersey to live with her oldest brother and his wife , hoping to change her ways . She did the same in New Jersey so her brother sent her back to Wakefield , North Carolina . It was there she met and married Darnell William Oakes . While he was out to sea , Maureen still lived the nightlife . We left my grandparents ' house and moved to this large and spacious home on Coventry Road . We had a good time living there with the wide backyard and the trees that my brothers loved to climb . In the summer the house was cool with the air conditioning and in the winter the house was nice and warm all through the house . The house was white with green shutters , a pretty white picket fence , green grass , and yellow sunflowers that grew tall . Then one day my mother traded this spacious four - bedroom house , which was in a rather affluent neighborhood , with my Aunt Doris . She traded for this small crummy old apartment over my grandparents ' garage which had only one small living room , bedroom , and a kitchen that was even smaller . It smelled old . I did not like it the first time I walked up those raggedy stairs made of rotten wood . In the middle of the front room was an old stove that burned wood and once it got hot , it would turn a bright hot red . On a rainy and stormy day it would be lightning hard outdoors . The whole house would rock on its foundation like a rocking chair . Life was not easy living over my grandparents ' garage . I did not like our new home at all . My mom kept a nice and neat house , but this was not like the other house . During the day we watched the trains on the track pull into the coal yard to load up . Every night after we got into bed we would hear the train on the tracks again pulling lots of train boxcars full of coal . Things seemed to go from good to worst . My mom 's decisions were affecting all of our lives . I remember the day my mom met her lifelong boyfriend . I remember that day very well because that meeting would change my life and end my childhood forever . It was a very hot summer morning and my mom woke all of the children up , bathed and dressed us . She dressed my brothers in their little short sets with bow ties and white shoes . My sister and I were dressed in cute dresses that had starched slips that scratched our legs as we walked with white buckled shoes . My mom put on this beautiful pink dress with a pink belt , and white high heels to show off her big legs . She always smelled good . The girls held hands and walked together and the boys did the same while my mom walked behind us . We all walked downtown which was on 17th Street . We kept walking until we came to this barbershop with a red and white pole that kept turning . My mom walked us into the shop and told us to sit together and be quiet . There were two men in this barbershop and they were cutting men 's hair . They had three barber chairs , a real shiny floor , and a big fan over our head that was turning slowly . There were clipper 's hanging on the side of the desk where they were working . All three chairs had bottles of green colored water on each desk . Mirrors were everywhere . My mom stood up . As she was looking out of the door , she saw one of her friends , Ms . Veronica come by . She told us to stay and she went out the door and talked to her . As she was walking slowly out the door , she was twisting her hips and I saw the barber in the first chair watching her every move . Even as she stood outside with her hand on her hip talking to the woman , he continued to watch her . When the barber finished his customer , he went to the sink , washed his hands , and then went outside . My mom , her friend , and he stood outside talking and laughing . My mom and the man came back into the shop , and he cut my brother Darnell 's hair , first . Then he cut my Brother Greg 's hair as my mother stood by the barber and watched . My mom and this man were talking and smiling at one another . Then he brushed my brother 's hair , removed the apron , and my brother jumped out of the chair . My mom got a piece of paper from him and wrote something down . My mom came over to us and introduced him . The man made it clear that he was not just a barber , but he owned this barbershop business , pieces of real estate property , and someday he would be a millionaire . This man was very light skinned with a shiny gold tooth on the right and green eyes that scared me the first time I saw them . My mom appeared to be impressed with this man . He introduced himself as Luther Cornell Yates , Jr . He was a farmer boy who worked his Daddy 's fields . He quit school at an early age to help his father on the farm . Life on the farm was very poor . When he finished working the fields in the day , his evenings were filled with customers whose hair he cut . He said he learned to cut hair on an old stump in the back yard and he claimed people would come from miles around and wait all day just to get a haircut by this gifted boy . Luther wanted to be more than a struggling farmer ; he wanted to be rich and well known . At the age of 18 , he left the farm in Macon with only ten cents in his pocket , as the story was told , and moved to the city . My mom said it was time to go because she had some things to do . Mister Yates gave all of us a dollar before we left . We walked down 17th Street until we came to the 5 & 10 - cent store called Woolworth 's , where we bought toys . The girls bought a jump rope and bobby jacks , the boys got a bag of marbles and a small ball . On the way to the next store there was a photographer who was taking pictures . My mom told him she wanted him to take our picture . He sat all four of us on this bench with my brothers on the left and my sister and I on the right . He told us to smile and he took our picture . We left him and went to the ice cream parlor and had an ice cream cone . After that my mom called a cab to take us back home . That evening she was smiling and singing while she was preparing dinner . After feeding us and getting us ready for bed , she started to dress . I sat in the corner of the front room and just watched her as she prepared herself for this date . She was a pretty lady . Her skin was a pecan brown and very smooth . I always loved to watch her as she put on her stockings . First , she would roll them down in her hands then hold out one leg and pull them up until she reached the garter . Then she would put out the other leg and do the same . The stockings would look so nice on her big legs . When I would rub up against them they were silky and soft . Her hair was long and black . She would always wear her hair in an upsweep position . My mother looked good in every thing she put on . Once she finished dressing , she stood in front of the mirror and turned all around so she could see how nice she was looking . Soon there was a knock on the door , it was my Uncle Max . He had come over to babysit us so my mom could go out on her date . She told us all to go to bed and I heard her rushing out the door . I looked around the corner of the room as she reached back into the door to grab her purse . I tiptoed out the room and went into the front room and looked out the window . I saw a big , shiny , blue car parked in the driveway . This man got out and opened the car door for her and he was smiling . Then I saw the gold tooth just shining and I knew who he was . It was the man from the barbershop , who had cut my brothers ' hair earlier that day . It was the barber , Mister Luther Cornell Yates Jr . I could then hear my Uncle Max coming up the stairs , and I quickly ran back and jumped in the bed . After that night , my mom went out a lot and my uncle kept us night after night . Sometimes my mom would not return home until the next day . She started bringing in lots of bags and in those bags were new expensive clothes she would put on to go on her dates . He even bought her jewelry and good smelling perfumes . This went on forever to me because my mom did not have time in the evenings to be with us . In the morning she was always on the phone with him making plans to be with him that evening , and so we were left another night without her there with us . Shortly after those nights out , I recall my mom started getting sick . She was throwing up all the time . She would be so sick that she would lie down on the bed for most of the day . Then her stomach started to grow larger and she began to gain weight . The light - skinned barber started coming up the stairs and in the house . One day when we came home from school , my mom was not there . My grandma told us she had gone to the hospital to have a baby and she was going to keep us until my mom returned home . She had given birth to a little girl and named her Heather Annette Oakes . In about three days she came home with this baby wrapped in a beautiful pink blanket . Even though this was Luther 's baby , her last name was Oakes like our last name because my mother was still married to my father , Darnell W . Oakes . She used his Marine medical benefits for the doctor and hospital expenses for having the baby . In reality , Heather was my mother 's and Luther Cornell Yates Jr . 's , the barber , first child together . That evening when my mom bought the baby home , I walked over to the baby 's crib which was in the living room . I pulled the blanket back and I saw a little light baby who was crying . She looked like the barber that my mom was dating , almost white . When I turned around he was standing there with those scary green eyes reaching out to hold me . I started twisting and turning my body to get from his grip . He had this real sneaky laugh that I can hear in my head even now . Then he said , I took one look and ran out of the room . Since the baby was born he was always there at the house . One day he bought his brother Gordon over to see his baby . I recall Gordon asking Luther the barber , I later realized my mother knew the barber was married with children . Luther Cornell Yates , Jr . was married to Joann Reid Yates whom he married September 1 , 1944 . To this union were six children . Joann knew that L . C . ( this is what he wanted people to call him , short for Luther Cornell ) was seeing a woman in Wakefield . My mom had met L . C . before the barbershop meeting . I was told ; she met him at a nightclub , where he played in a band . She accepted the fact that she was his mistress . Before she started seeing this barber , my mother had lots of time for us . She would play with us , take us to the movies , and treat us to popcorn and ice cream . But now , from the time she got up in the morning until the time we went to bed , she would be preparing to leave us every chance she could , which was often . The house was always cold , and we did not appear to have a lot of money . However we had each other . My brothers , my sisters , and I were very close then . That summer of 1956 , my mother took us around the corner from my grandparents ' house to pull up weeds and clean up this yard . I remember that there was so much debris and wild roots to pull up , it seemed like we would never finish . L . C . would come out where we were working and tell us this is where he was going to build a house for our mother and us all to live . He said our new house would have three bedrooms , a large kitchen , a bathroom , a living room , and a porch . I was so happy because it sounded like the house we had moved from before we moved in the apartment over my grandparents ' garage . Now my brothers will not have to hide under the steps until their school friends left so they could come up the stairs . He called us all together and told us he was our Daddy and we were to call him " Daddy " . He even told my mama , to call him Daddy , too , and she did . Within the next few weeks , Daddy started construction on the lot to build us a house as he had promised . My mom would have us up late at night while she was painting and cleaning . We all would fall asleep in the house because she would be working so late getting the house ready . Within six months the house was completed . We moved in , and it was a nice house . I remember you came in the back door and you walked into the kitchen . The next room was like the dining room , and then there was the living room which led to the front porch . To get to the bedrooms you had to come in the dining room and facing that room was Mama 's bedroom . Then , to the left down the hall was the girls ' room with the baby 's crib and to the right of her room was the boys ' room . After the house was completed , Daddy began to come by the house every night . When he closed the barbershop at night he would come to our house and stay until late . He never slept at the house ; he would be gone in the morning . I was only five years old at this time but I felt a major change had taken place in my life . Now Daddy had become the " King of the castle . " That 's how Mama addressed him sometimes . The first thing I remember let me know he was taking over was when he started eating at the house . One of the first rules he implemented and mama made sure we followed it to the letter was ; we children were not allowed to eat until Daddy had finished eating . We all had to come in and sit down and watch Daddy eat , and then when he was finished , we could eat . My mother had begun to place him as number one . Also , when he came in we were told to do whatever he wanted . Our job was to serve him without question . It was obvious my mother had fallen deeply in love with this man . Another one of Daddy 's rules was that he wanted all the girls to greet him " properly " with a kiss , not on the cheeks , but directly in the mouth . This was to be done when we entered into the room for the first time or when we left the premises . As a five - year - old little girl , I did not want to kiss any man , especially in the mouth . I hated kissing him like that and having to greet this man called Daddy this way , but my mother insisted and I had no choice . When I would hear him coming into the house in the morning , I would run and hide but my mama would call my name and make me come and kiss him . I made it abundantly clear through my body language that I did not want to kiss him . I would start to cry and after I kissed him , she would send me to my room . When Daddy left for the barbershop , Mama would argue and fuss and sometimes even beat me for my behavior . So I learned early on that if I did not want any beatings , I had to obey . |
Tasha looked at the buzzing phone . " It 's Bruno . Are you going to answer it ? Don 't you want to talk to your brother ? " Amos had an angry look in his eyes . " No . I don 't ! And just shut up ! I 've got to think about all of this . Bruno 's no help ! I don 't think anyone can help . " He shook his head like a dog drying off . He had one hand on the steering wheel and the other hand on a . 38 caliber Police Special revolver which he waved as he talked . They were driving on NJ - 73 . Tasha knew that because she had seen the sign more than four times . They would drive on NJ - 70 for a while and then 73 . That meant they were aimlessly driving in the Cherry Hill area less than ten miles from Philadelphia . They 'd been going in circles . Tasha was sitting as far away from Amos as her bonds would let her . Her hands and feet had been tied securely with two sets of police style plastic restraints . Then , to keep her from throwing her body around the car , Amos had used duct tape around her chest to hold her down on the leather bucket seat . Tasha kept talking , trying to get through to him . " Can I do something ? Do you want to tell me what 's the matter ? I 'm here and I want to help you . " Tasha was completely and overwhelmingly frightened for her life . She 'd been trapped in this car driving the highways of New Jersey with a screaming madman waving a loaded weapon for what seemed like hours . Amos took his eyes off the road and looked at her . " You can 't help . You 're the problem . You 're just one big tease . I tried to talk to you . I even gave you some magic to help you love me more . Nothing seemed to work . If you loved me as much as I loved you , things would be different . And now everything is fucked ! Nothing is going as planned . Nothing is working right . You were supposed to love me , and want me , and live for me . You were supposed to love me the way Bruno loves Zoe . This is all so fucked up . Maybe we should just both die together . We could die together the way we 're meant to be . Romeo and Juliet . That would solve all our problems , wouldn 't it ? " Amos pulled over for about the tenth time , steering the car onto the shoulder of the road . He put the car in park and held the pistol in two hands . " Yeah . Let 's do it . We 'll put our faith in the fates . " He emptied the six bullets out of the gun into his hand and slid one cartridge back into the cylinder . Tasha 's eyes grew huge and her jaw dropped . She could see the empty places and the one bullet in there , too . Amos pushed the cylinder back into the frame with a loud click , spinning the cylinder as he did . Staring straight into her eyes , he raised the weapon and pointed the barrel to his forehead . When Tasha didn 't say anything , he pushed it so hard against his head , it was making his skin turn red . " I 'll go first and if I don 't die , you 're next . " Each time they stopped , he had threatened her or himself . He 'd ranted and raved like a madman . He 'd cursed and occasionally slapped her face . Her cheek and lip were swollen and bruised from his hand . " You don 't understand , " Tasha had said as she 'd try to explain . " I 'm sorry you feel this way . I just don 't like guys . I want to be your friend , but not a love relationship . I can 't have a boyfriend . I 'm just not built that way . Why can 't you understand ? " She was trying to tell the truth but was afraid if she said too much , he 'd do something terrible , maybe even kill her . Now , with the gun cocked and ready to fire , Tasha started crying , sobbing hysterically . " No , " she said . " Don 't do this ! Please Amos , we can talk , we can try . I will listen . I don 't want you to die . I don 't want to die ! " She couldn 't watch and turned away . As the tears rolled down Tasha 's face , Terry flashed back to the beginning of his day . He 'd squinted to see the digital readout on his nightstand clock . It was 8 : 30 am , a perfect time to get up and out of bed . After playing at The Rendezvous , last night 's diner discussion had run late into the night . Between hamburgers and fries , there was so much new stuff to talk about . Signing with a big record company , renting a house for rehearsals , flying to Atlanta , New Orleans , and North Carolina , maybe an album in the works and then a tour , and promoting their single online . The best thing for Terry was the house . They were going to go see it this afternoon . Terry was excited because there 'd be a quiet place for him to write songs . He hoped to write more songs with the Wildcats . Maybe they 'd become ' our ' songs with ' our ' Wildcats . He 'd been alone when he awakened this morning . If Lisa were home , he 'd have heard her talking on the phone and playing music in her room . The small house didn 't afford much privacy or separation . He lay there thinking about his day and fondling himself through his satin , shorty pajamas . He mentally went over the day 's schedule ahead of him . He had an appointment with his counsellor , Grace Goldman , this morning at eleven . The trip was going to be easy . No Uber , no bus , and no train to ride . Amos was coming by to give him a ride . After he saw Grace for an hour , he and Amos would go out to lunch . Amos even promised him a ride home . In the afternoon , the Wildcats were going to see their new practice house . And then it was home for dinner , a shower , and then they 'd head down to The Rendezvous . The icing on the cake would be playing tonight . Playing had to be the best thing that ever happened to him and Terry was loving his life . This was so much more fun than going to classes at his old high school . The only thing he missed about high school were his friends . All his guy friends thought he was on the West Coast and they 'd stopped texting . It was impossible for Terry to pick up the phone and call anymore . His new voice was almost a half octave higher . Maybe that surgery had been a bad idea for Terry , but it was great for being Tasha . His voice was a lot like Lisa 's whether he was talking or singing . It was definitely a woman 's voice , not a teen - age boy 's voice . There 'd be too many questions to answer if he called his friends up . He didn 't do well at lying . So , really , the only friend he had left was Jenn . Their relationship had gotten so much better that it made up for having a lot of friends . And Terry never imagined that they 'd be fooling around the way they did . Jenn said it was no big deal to be exploring with each other . She reminded him they were both eighteen and could make those sorts of decisions on their own . It was a win - win situation for Terry . He was learning an awful lot about adult things . And speaking about learning , he was looking forward to seeing his counsellor . It would be an opportunity to talk to Grace about how he was feeling . The past month had gone by so fast . He 'd made a lot of decisions along the way . He wondered every day about his elective surgery and seeing the doctor and taking the pills . Everything had changed so much in the last month . Besides the fact that he 'd become Tasha on the outside , things inside his head felt like they were changing , too . He wanted to talk about this whole experience to someone . The future scared him a lot . He hoped that Grace would be able to help him find his way through all of this . She seemed so nice . At the bottom of the list was lunch with Amos . Terry wanted a friend , just a friend . But , it seemed like Amos was interested in Tasha and wanted to be more than friends . Everyone warned him to stay away from those kinds of relationships . Terry knew that Amos was going to be more than disappointed when he found out the story behind Tasha . He might get angry . Terry had decided not to tell Amos about his evolution from Terry to Tasha . He figured if they had no more contact , then he 'd just forget about Tasha and move on . So , it would help to make this a one and done lunch date . No more time spent together alone . Terry didn 't want to use the word date because he didn 't want to date Amos or any guy . He was afraid Amos 's expectations would result in a big blowup . So , he knew he had to break this off and the sooner , the better . Terry needed to get some distance between the two of them . He didn 't want to share the truth with any guy until he knew him better . So , this needed to be the end of it . Last lunch , last time , goodbye Amos . But , it hadn 't gone that way . They never had lunch and they 'd never talked . After Amos drove them past the 30th Street exit without slowing down , and then sped up past the Vine Street exit , Terry realized they weren 't going to stop in Philly . As Amos drove over the Ben Franklin Bridge into Jersey , Terry tried to protest . That 's when Amos pulled out the pistol and pointed it at him . They 'd pulled over and Amos had him slip the plastic restraints over his shoes and leggings . Then , he pulled them so tight across his calves , Tasha cried out in pain . When she was scared , her vocal range grew high and shrill like a little girl . She hated her voice when she shrieked . And shriek she did as Amos held the gun in her face and slipped the second pair of restraints over her wrists . Her protest only made Amos tighten her forearms restraints . Tasha tried to spread her arms as he slipped the plastic loops over her wrists . Her resistance only made Amos more determined . The most humiliating thing was when Amos had taped her into the seat . He 'd pointed the gun and said it would be just as easy to shoot her right now if she didn 't cooperate . Just to show her who was boss , he 'd looked her in the eyes and grabbed her breasts , daring her to say anything . Cupping them both with his hands , he pushed Tasha back into the seat . As Amos felt up her breasts , grabbing them and giving them each a hard squeeze , he wrapped the tape around her under her breasts and around the seat several times . Finally , with the leg restraints , the arm restraints , and the duct tape , Tasha couldn 't move . When he was done , he squeezed her boobs more until he got bored . Then , he tried to kiss her . Tasha pulled away and turned her face . She was determined not to give him the satisfaction of reacting . He slobbered all over her , but she bared her teeth and tried to bite him . That got her a hard slap on the side of her head that left her dazed . Amos continued to grab her breasts , but he never suspected he was feeling up padded silicone falsies . Then , once she was securely taped in place , they started driving around for what seemed like endless hours . When they stopped for gas , the dash clock said they 'd been driving for five hours . They 'd had to stop for gas , but the tinted windows had prevented the man from seeing inside the car when he pumped their gas . Amos had laughed . " You 're not going anywhere now . And you 'll get nothing to eat or drink . Not until we get where we 're going . Then , I 'll feed you all the powders and pills I want , until you 're begging me to fuck you . Until then , you 're just going to have to tough it out . " Terry seemed to fade in and out . He was so frightened that he had trouble focusing and concentrating . He didn 't even hear Amos talking to him now . He 'd withdrawn inside his own mind . Amos turned and screamed in her face . " What are you doing , Tasha ? Are you ignoring me ? I 'm going to pull the trigger and you 're sitting there glazing over . Is this boring you ? " Now , everything he knew had gone to shit . Nothing in his eighteen years prepared him for this . He 'd never been so frightened in his whole life . He was scared because he was going to die . " Arghhh ! " Amos turned the gun away from his forehead , pointing her way . He screamed loudly and pulled the trigger . The firing pin fell forward with a loud snap connecting with the casing igniting the powder . In a millisecond , the pistol fired . The bullet flew out the barrel straight out and by Tasha 's face . It shattered the passenger side window , sending the safety glass outward in a million pieces . She was taped so securely back against the seat she felt the heat as the bullet passed by when the gun went off . The noise and the superheated gases from the gun overwhelmed her and she screamed loudly . Tasha convulsed and vomited . If Tasha had anything in her stomach , it would have all come up . Instead she felt the hot stomach acids burning her throat and filling her mouth . It poured out her lips and on to her chin even as she tried to swallow it back down . Amos was as shocked as she was that the gun went off . He never thought the bullet was ready to fire . As the gun fell on the console between them , the noise had deafened them both temporarily . But , it only seemed to enrage him more . " Tasha , I 'm this close to death and you 're only interested in yourself . You 're an ignorant pig cunt like all the rest of them . " He pulled back on the highway and continued driving . The April air blew into the car 's shattered window , blowing cold air on Terry 's face , clearing the hot gases and distracting him from the burning sensation in his mouth and down his throat . He couldn 't find any words to say to comfort Amos . Terry was at a loss . He was so upset and frustrated , he wanted to scream and tell Amos to go fuck himself . When they finally stopped , it was night time . Terry woke up . He had fallen asleep somewhere along the way because now it was dark out . He had no idea where they were . Terry watched Amos get out and walk to the front of the car . They were in a driveway . In the glare of the headlights , he pulled the garage door up . Amos came back and glared at Tasha . His face seemed to become more twisted and crazy as the day went on . " Well , look who finally woke up . Did you have a nice nap , Tasha ? " After he drove the car into the garage , he pulled the door down and then walked over to her side . He opened the passenger door and pulled out a knife . Amos cut the duct tape holding her to the seat . Grabbing her roughly by the upper arm , he dragged her out of the car bumping her head against the doorframe . When she cried out in pain , he slapped her . " Shut up , cunt , shut up . You 're totally useless . You can 't even beg for your life . Instead you just sit there waiting to die . You deserve to die . And you will ! " With her hands and feet restrained by the cuffs , she couldn 't walk and instead was half dragged up three steps to the house . Once inside , she was dumped on the floor while Amos pulled all the window shades down . When he finally turned on the ceiling light , Terry looked around at a simple kitchen that smelled damp with salt air . They must be near the ocean , he thought . They must be down the Jersey shore . Amos came over and dragged her to the radiator over by the side wall of the old kitchen . There he wrapped her hands with duct tape to the radiator . Tasha pulled against the winding tape as hard as she could to create space between her arm and the radiator . Amos never realized what she was doing . He assumed she was pulled down tight to the pipe . When he left the room , Tasha slipped her arms out from the tape and silently crawled over to the cabinet drawers . Standing up , she searched each kitchen drawer for a weapon . " I 'm not going to die quietly . Fuck him . " Looking through them she found a serrated , pointed steak knife to saw through the restraints and free her feet . Then she could escape . It was a good plan , but Amos 's shower ended quickly and she hurriedly tucked the knife into her bra . The sharp point might have cut her flesh if they were real breasts . She returned to the radiator and slipped her arms back in the tape restraint . Amos entered the room , still wet from his shower . He 'd wrapped a bath towel around his waist and put his dress shirt back on . It was wet from his shower . In one hand , he held his knife and the other hand his gun . Tasha had scurried back in place . She sobbed and looked up from the ground as Amos dripped water on the kitchen floor . Then , the humiliation began . Amos pulled his towel off . Other than his damp shirt , he was naked . Tasha couldn 't help but notice that he was already erect . It bobbed as he crossed the room . He set the gun on the counter . He reached down . In one hand , he held his knife as he pulled cruelly on her elbow . The blade cut through the duct tape and then her arm restraints . He dragged her across the wet floor to the center of the room and the kitchen table . He let her go and she collapsed to the floor curling up into a protective ball . Amos growled as he put his knife down and picked his gun up . He stood so he cupped his balls and his member in one hand and the gun in the other . " Now , you have a choice . You can suck me or die . " Jessica Jade had driven directly to the address the realtor gave her for Amos 's beach rental . She stood in the dark doorway , a pistol in her hand . She was almost invisible but Amos could see her vague form turned sideways to him in ready firing position . Both her arms were outstretched and holding her weapon , her elbows slightly bent . Her legs were spread to steady herself , ready to shoot . Bruno had talked to Amos 's office manager in Cherry Hill that day . Amos had told his manager he was taking an early weekend to take his new girlfriend down the shore . They 'd be heading to his beach house in Sea Isle City . While Amos drove around the countryside ranting and raving , Jade had parked her SUV around the corner from the address in Sea Isle . The house appeared empty . The whole beach town was sparsely populated this early before the summer season . The street was empty . No people appeared . She watched for his approach . She had walked around the empty block with her duffle on her shoulder . Tall and lean , dressed all in black , she had a military air about her . Short leather jacket , tight black jeans , and work boots , her hair pulled back in a long single braid , she almost disappeared in the twilight of the setting sun . Jessica Jade slipped across the shared alley to the back door . Picking the simple lock and gaining entry , she 'd walked through the kitchen and searched the house . It was a small three - bedroom rancher . After walking through the whole house , she chose a back bedroom . It had a large closet where she stashed her gear . She sat inside the empty bedroom waiting for the opportunity to free Terry and take Amos out . Her timing couldn 't have been more perfect . She heard the car , the garage door , and then the yelling . She listened to the shower and got into position to watch . She needed to be close to him for her plan to work . He was distracted , screaming at Tasha , as she slipped into the kitchen doorway . She estimated she was ten feet away . She got in position , turned her gun safety off , and spoke . With the gun safety off , the audio and video recording began . Amos looked across the room at the tall figure in the dark shadows . He reached down , grabbed Tasha , pulling her up . As he did , he pressed the gun barrel against the side of Tasha 's head . " Fuck you , bitch . I don 't know who you are , but you have ten seconds to drop your gun or this cunt dies and then , you 're next . " Tasha figured it was all or nothing . Reaching up into the left side of her bra with her right hand , she pulled out the steak knife and blindly stabbed backwards as hard as she could . She couldn 't see where it struck , but it must have made an impact , because Amos screamed and released her arm . She fell away from his grasp and tumbled to the ground . As she hit the ground , she heard a loud snap and saw two strings race out of the woman 's pistol and lodge themselves through his shirt and into Amos 's stomach . The instant they made contact , he started convulsing and fell over face down to the ground , still shaking as he passed out . The next thing Terry felt was the snapping sound of his bonds being cut free as he was helped to his feet . He looked up at the tall woman who had fired the taser at Amos . She smiled at him . " Don 't worry . Amos can 't hurt anyone . He 'll be incapacitated for at least thirty minutes . That 'll be plenty of time for us to clean up this mess and get out of here . " Terry stared at the inert form lying on the kitchen floor . He watched Jessica kick Amos 's pistol across the room . She fired a second set of Tasers into his chest from the same weapon . She turned and smiled . " See . He 's out cold . " Jessica wasn 't done . She needed to see what damage the kitchen knife had done . Amos was still quivering from the voltage running through his body . The electrical shock was designed to incapacitate him without permanent damage . Jessica didn 't want to leave any trace of her presence behind when she called 9 - 1 - 1 . She carefully put on the heavy rubber gloves from her duffle and grabbed Amos 's arm , turning him over on his back . He flopped over , his eyes still rolled back in his head . She reached down and carefully pulled out the four barbed electrodes . She looked towards the knife still stuck in his scrotum . Terry 's swing had been an arc across his body at waist height . The downward swing had plunged the knife into Amos 's naked body striking him in the groin area . Amos was still impaled on the knife , his falling forward and convulsing increasing the impact and the damage . Jessica had trouble evaluating the results of the knife cut . The area was completely covered in blood . But , she knew he 'd live long enough for the rescue team to arrive . Jessica turned to Terry and looked him over . He 'd gotten to his feet and moved away from Amos , leaning against a counter . Returning to her duffle , she removed an instant cold pack and a towel . She wrapped the cold pack in the towel . Banging it against the edge of the cabinet and by breaking it in half , activated it . She held it out to Terry . He took the cold compress and held it against his bruised face . " Thanks , " he said , trying to smile . As the compress touched his skin , Terry winced . Terry nodded picking up his shoes in his other hand . He glanced over at the inert form on the floor . Amos was almost naked , his shirt barely covering his chest . The knife was still stuck deep in the center of the bloody mess of his crotch . It hurt just to look at it . Terry shivered involuntarily . Jessica slung her duffle onto her back and the strap over her shoulder . In the darkness of the empty street , she guided Terry out of the house . They walked back up the alley and around the corner to her SUV . Terry climbed up into the passenger side , the street lamp across the street the only light . He sighed as he leaned back , closing his eyes . Jessica made him comfortable , wrapping him in a blanket . Tucking it around him , she helped him fasten his seat belt . Handing him a bottle of water , she said , " Hang in there for five minutes . I want to go back in and clean up any presence we made in the house and his car . I 'll wipe down everything and be right back . " Terry watched her take the duffle off and set it on the back seat . Jessica reached into the duffle and grabbed a spray bottle and a towel . " Bleach , " she said . She went back up the alley and into the house . Terry closed his eyes and tried to figure out what had just happened . One minute he was waiting to die , the next minute he 'd stabbed Amos with the knife he 'd hidden in his enhancements . Now he was sitting on the leather seat of a fancy SUV . As the tears ran down his face , he smiled . He was safe , thanks to this stranger named Jessica . She returned five minutes later . She checked to see he was okay and started the Land Rover . " My name is Jessica Jade and I 'm taking you home . We have a two - hour drive . I 've going to make a phone call and I want you to sit quietly , okay ? " Terry nodded . He then listened while Jessica pulled out a flip - phone and called 9 - 1 - 1 . " Hello , Police . I 'm walking my dog at 43rd and Landis . I hear a lot of screaming and shouting coming from 4316 . I think someone 's been hurt . Please hurry . " She turned and smiled at Terry as she wiped the phone off , then threw it out the window as they crossed the bridge out of town . " There . That takes care of that . Are you hungry ? " Checking her rear - view mirror , Jessica pulled over on the causeway shoulder . The engine motor and the tires on the gravel were the only noise for miles . She turned off the headlights . They were all alone . " How about right here by the car ? Will that do ? " Terry nodded . He climbed out . He pulled down his leggings and underpants . He reached inside his latex vagina and pulled out his penis , squatted , and peed . He realized he looked like a girl peeing but he didn 't care . His bladder was full and it was a simple act . He didn 't care what anyone thought . He was emotionally exhausted . Getting back in the car , he wrapped himself tightly in the blanket . " Thank you . Thank you for everything . I thought I was going to die back there . " Jessica turned , nodded , and smiled . She put the car in gear and headed back towards the parkway . She turned the lights back on and accelerated . " A lot of people back in Allentown are waiting for you to appear . They care an awful lot about you . " Terry had a chance to study his rescuer in the dash lights . She was tall . She had long dark hair pulled back in a single braid . It didn 't appear that she was wearing any makeup . She had a silver stud in each ear . She sat straight , eyes forward , occasionally checking her mirrors as they cruised along the highway . Her lean body appeared strong , her manner confident and in control . Terry started talking . " I don 't know what happened . I was getting a ride into Philly . I was going to see my counsellor , Grace Goldman . The next thing I know , Amos pointed a gun at me . I was restrained and then driven all over South Jersey . Amos screamed and shouted all afternoon like he 'd lost his mind . " Terry 's teeth started to chatter and he pulled the blanket tighter . He couldn 't hold the cold pack any longer , setting the towel and ice pack on the floor . " I 'm sure he would have killed me when he found out that Tasha wasn 't real . Then I realized he was going to kill me regardless of anything I did . I was sure I was going to die . " Jade glanced at him . She smiled . " It 's over , Terry . It 's over . He can 't hurt you . He 's far , far away . He 'll be held by the police for questioning . They 'll check him into the hospital . He might need more than stitches . I don 't know . Then , his doctor gets him back on his medications and calms him down . But , he 's not getting out . My Taser records audio and video . We 've got him threatening to kill you . Don 't worry about him anymore . " " How can you be sure ? " Jessica Jade looked him in the eyes . " No , you won 't . You handled this the best way you could . You had the steak knife . You struck him at the perfect time . And your target was the best one . It was not a life - threatening wound , but one that will scar him for life . " Terry woke up when they turned into the neighborhood . It was late at night but the Nelson house was all lit up . As Jessica parked her truck and helped Terry walk up the driveway , the door opened and he saw his mom and all his friends pour out the front door . He was hugged and embraced and kissed . He felt good . He momentarily forgot the day and melted into everyone 's loving arms . When he turned around to thank Jessica , he realized she was missing from the crowd . And her Land Rover Discovery wasn 't at the curb . There was no sign of the dark SUV . Conor whispered in his ear . " She 's gone for now , but she 'll be back to check on you tomorrow when it 's quiet . She promised . You 're under her protection now . Don 't worry . " It was late and after a short time , Amy insisted that everyone go home and get some rest . She told the crowd that Terry needed to sleep and she and Conor would watch over him . Bruno had been on the phone with his parents and Amos 's doctor . Amos had been taken to the Emergency Center in Atlantic City . He 'd remain under guard until he was released to his doctor 's care . The institution had been contacted . Once he 'd recovered from the surgery to try to repair the steak knife 's damage , he 'd be locked up . When Terry awoke he was still in yesterday 's clothes . He was under the covers in the darkened room . The clock said 6 : 00 . He 'd slept through the night . He got up to pee . As he passed the mirror , he looked at his face . His jaw line was bruised and he had a black eye . His head and face ached , but he didn 't feel like he had a concussion or any permanent damage . He turned on the shower as he took all his clothes off . As he inspected his body in the mirror , he noticed that his left breast form had a deep knife cut into it . He smiled . They were good for something after all . He stepped into the shower remembering to start out with cream rinse . It was a new day and he was looking forward to playing at The Rendezvous tonight . It was their last weekend and he was looking forward to every minute . As he scrubbed , a new tune ran through his mind . He hummed as he searched for a lyric . The warm water soothed his body and he relaxed . The tears washed down his face . If you liked this post , you can leave a comment and / or a kudos ! Click the Thumbs Up ! button below to leave the author a kudos : up277 users have voted . And please , remember to comment , too ! Thanks . This story is 5580 words long . Printer - friendly versionLog in or register to post comments Another great chapter to a great story . I wasn 't expecting the little bit of action but I liked it . Especially because its been so long since I 've written a good action scene lol . I can 't help but wonder if Jade has her own story out there waiting to be told ? Terry crying in the shower seems very familiar - it 's always been the place that I can simply let go , simply let it all out . I think it started while I was in the service ; as an officer , I had a private shower , so no one could see or hear me crying . I did get razzed a little about taking long showers , but it 's kind of hard to wash yourself when your huddled up on the floor of the shower with your knees pulled to your chest and bawling your eyes out . I have of course never been in a situation like Terry was in this chapter , but based on what I know and have been taught , he / she did pretty much exactly what he / she should have done . Plus , I have been attacked with a knife before , and I certainly wouldn 't want to be Amos ! I was lucky enough to have been trained in how to fight with a knife - or against one , and I also was prepared for my attacker . I did what I was instructed and sacrificed a minor wound to block the knife , and then finished my opponent . Yeah , I took four stitches to my left hand , but that healed quickly . Oh , in case your wondering , I was in a little bar in South Carolina and stepped in to break up a bar fight between a couple of Army grunts and some locals ; one of the locals pulled the knife on me . He was still out cold when the cops and the SP 's showed up - it 's amazing how effective a few hits to right place can be , lol . Besides the stitches , the only annoying thing about it was the time I had to spend reporting the incident to the police , to the SP 's , and to my command structure . Luckily , the bar owner had video ( seems this hadn 't been his first problem ) which pretty much cleared me of any issues . I haven 't commented up til now cause I 've just binge read the first 21 chapters ! Now that I 've caught up , it 's hard to imagine this all has happened in just a month 's time frame ! It 's so amazing how everyone rallied together to get Tasha back safely ! I 'm sensing Jessica 's going to be around a while providing security ? ( Hopefully ) . Leslie & Dawn , wonderful story , keep ' em comin ' ! Loving Hugs Talia Thanks for the compliment and taking the time to write . This has been a fun ride for me and I 've been lucky enough to find three wonderful people to help me get it done . Dee , Eric , and Dawn have all worked hard to make this possible . Small mericals 1 . That Jessica got there before they did & hid in the perfect spot . 2 that Tasha had the for thought to try & excape 3 . When excape wasn 't possible the knife did what it needed to . Now Tasha is home safe & sound and bow a new song in her head no lyrics just the tune . I think she will need Grace TWICE a week for a while as PTSD is a likely hood in this case unfortunately . With Jessica Jade on her side though NOTHING will happen to poor sweet Tashia . Perfect in so many ways . " . . . plunged the knife into Amos 's naked body striking him in the groin area . Amos was still impaled on the knife , his falling forward and convulsing INCREASING the impact and the damage . " I just wish they could dump a cup of salt into his penis wound ! Very relieved that Tasha is safe . Will this trauma cause Terry to not want to be Tasha anymore ? I 'm exhausted & relieved . Whew ! What an episode . Thanx . . . . didn 't have time to use any drugs on Tasha , and I 'm glad you didn 't write her as a passive damsel in distress . Thanks . ( Terry 's O . K . , too . ) Between the hormones taking effect for the first time ( male hadn 't started yet ) , and the very likely PTSD , Grace is going to have a lot of work on her hands . The band outfits could draw a lot of attention from guys that 'll give Tasha similar reactions to Amos . It 's likely even if he remains incarcerated and institutionalized that she 's not getting Amos out of her system for a long time . Until 22 came out and I could peek at the ending before I could finish episode 21 . It was worth the wait . I 'm glad you 're posing at both sites . Terry / Tasha 's dropped off and Terry 's welcomed home . Does this mean more know Terry 's identity ? Though anxious to be back to the Rendezvous , it shouldn 't mean he 's back to normal . A very good story continues to unfold . |
Tasha looked at the buzzing phone . " It 's Bruno . Are you going to answer it ? Don 't you want to talk to your brother ? " Amos had an angry look in his eyes . " No . I don 't ! And just shut up ! I 've got to think about all of this . Bruno 's no help ! I don 't think anyone can help . " He shook his head like a dog drying off . He had one hand on the steering wheel and the other hand on a . 38 caliber Police Special revolver which he waved as he talked . They were driving on NJ - 73 . Tasha knew that because she had seen the sign more than four times . They would drive on NJ - 70 for a while and then 73 . That meant they were aimlessly driving in the Cherry Hill area less than ten miles from Philadelphia . They 'd been going in circles . Tasha was sitting as far away from Amos as her bonds would let her . Her hands and feet had been tied securely with two sets of police style plastic restraints . Then , to keep her from throwing her body around the car , Amos had used duct tape around her chest to hold her down on the leather bucket seat . Tasha kept talking , trying to get through to him . " Can I do something ? Do you want to tell me what 's the matter ? I 'm here and I want to help you . " Tasha was completely and overwhelmingly frightened for her life . She 'd been trapped in this car driving the highways of New Jersey with a screaming madman waving a loaded weapon for what seemed like hours . Amos took his eyes off the road and looked at her . " You can 't help . You 're the problem . You 're just one big tease . I tried to talk to you . I even gave you some magic to help you love me more . Nothing seemed to work . If you loved me as much as I loved you , things would be different . And now everything is fucked ! Nothing is going as planned . Nothing is working right . You were supposed to love me , and want me , and live for me . You were supposed to love me the way Bruno loves Zoe . This is all so fucked up . Maybe we should just both die together . We could die together the way we 're meant to be . Romeo and Juliet . That would solve all our problems , wouldn 't it ? " Amos pulled over for about the tenth time , steering the car onto the shoulder of the road . He put the car in park and held the pistol in two hands . " Yeah . Let 's do it . We 'll put our faith in the fates . " He emptied the six bullets out of the gun into his hand and slid one cartridge back into the cylinder . Tasha 's eyes grew huge and her jaw dropped . She could see the empty places and the one bullet in there , too . Amos pushed the cylinder back into the frame with a loud click , spinning the cylinder as he did . Staring straight into her eyes , he raised the weapon and pointed the barrel to his forehead . When Tasha didn 't say anything , he pushed it so hard against his head , it was making his skin turn red . " I 'll go first and if I don 't die , you 're next . " Each time they stopped , he had threatened her or himself . He 'd ranted and raved like a madman . He 'd cursed and occasionally slapped her face . Her cheek and lip were swollen and bruised from his hand . " You don 't understand , " Tasha had said as she 'd try to explain . " I 'm sorry you feel this way . I just don 't like guys . I want to be your friend , but not a love relationship . I can 't have a boyfriend . I 'm just not built that way . Why can 't you understand ? " She was trying to tell the truth but was afraid if she said too much , he 'd do something terrible , maybe even kill her . Now , with the gun cocked and ready to fire , Tasha started crying , sobbing hysterically . " No , " she said . " Don 't do this ! Please Amos , we can talk , we can try . I will listen . I don 't want you to die . I don 't want to die ! " She couldn 't watch and turned away . As the tears rolled down Tasha 's face , Terry flashed back to the beginning of his day . He 'd squinted to see the digital readout on his nightstand clock . It was 8 : 30 am , a perfect time to get up and out of bed . After playing at The Rendezvous , last night 's diner discussion had run late into the night . Between hamburgers and fries , there was so much new stuff to talk about . Signing with a big record company , renting a house for rehearsals , flying to Atlanta , New Orleans , and North Carolina , maybe an album in the works and then a tour , and promoting their single online . The best thing for Terry was the house . They were going to go see it this afternoon . Terry was excited because there 'd be a quiet place for him to write songs . He hoped to write more songs with the Wildcats . Maybe they 'd become ' our ' songs with ' our ' Wildcats . He 'd been alone when he awakened this morning . If Lisa were home , he 'd have heard her talking on the phone and playing music in her room . The small house didn 't afford much privacy or separation . He lay there thinking about his day and fondling himself through his satin , shorty pajamas . He mentally went over the day 's schedule ahead of him . He had an appointment with his counsellor , Grace Goldman , this morning at eleven . The trip was going to be easy . No Uber , no bus , and no train to ride . Amos was coming by to give him a ride . After he saw Grace for an hour , he and Amos would go out to lunch . Amos even promised him a ride home . In the afternoon , the Wildcats were going to see their new practice house . And then it was home for dinner , a shower , and then they 'd head down to The Rendezvous . The icing on the cake would be playing tonight . Playing had to be the best thing that ever happened to him and Terry was loving his life . This was so much more fun than going to classes at his old high school . The only thing he missed about high school were his friends . All his guy friends thought he was on the West Coast and they 'd stopped texting . It was impossible for Terry to pick up the phone and call anymore . His new voice was almost a half octave higher . Maybe that surgery had been a bad idea for Terry , but it was great for being Tasha . His voice was a lot like Lisa 's whether he was talking or singing . It was definitely a woman 's voice , not a teen - age boy 's voice . There 'd be too many questions to answer if he called his friends up . He didn 't do well at lying . So , really , the only friend he had left was Jenn . Their relationship had gotten so much better that it made up for having a lot of friends . And Terry never imagined that they 'd be fooling around the way they did . Jenn said it was no big deal to be exploring with each other . She reminded him they were both eighteen and could make those sorts of decisions on their own . It was a win - win situation for Terry . He was learning an awful lot about adult things . And speaking about learning , he was looking forward to seeing his counsellor . It would be an opportunity to talk to Grace about how he was feeling . The past month had gone by so fast . He 'd made a lot of decisions along the way . He wondered every day about his elective surgery and seeing the doctor and taking the pills . Everything had changed so much in the last month . Besides the fact that he 'd become Tasha on the outside , things inside his head felt like they were changing , too . He wanted to talk about this whole experience to someone . The future scared him a lot . He hoped that Grace would be able to help him find his way through all of this . She seemed so nice . At the bottom of the list was lunch with Amos . Terry wanted a friend , just a friend . But , it seemed like Amos was interested in Tasha and wanted to be more than friends . Everyone warned him to stay away from those kinds of relationships . Terry knew that Amos was going to be more than disappointed when he found out the story behind Tasha . He might get angry . Terry had decided not to tell Amos about his evolution from Terry to Tasha . He figured if they had no more contact , then he 'd just forget about Tasha and move on . So , it would help to make this a one and done lunch date . No more time spent together alone . Terry didn 't want to use the word date because he didn 't want to date Amos or any guy . He was afraid Amos 's expectations would result in a big blowup . So , he knew he had to break this off and the sooner , the better . Terry needed to get some distance between the two of them . He didn 't want to share the truth with any guy until he knew him better . So , this needed to be the end of it . Last lunch , last time , goodbye Amos . But , it hadn 't gone that way . They never had lunch and they 'd never talked . After Amos drove them past the 30th Street exit without slowing down , and then sped up past the Vine Street exit , Terry realized they weren 't going to stop in Philly . As Amos drove over the Ben Franklin Bridge into Jersey , Terry tried to protest . That 's when Amos pulled out the pistol and pointed it at him . They 'd pulled over and Amos had him slip the plastic restraints over his shoes and leggings . Then , he pulled them so tight across his calves , Tasha cried out in pain . When she was scared , her vocal range grew high and shrill like a little girl . She hated her voice when she shrieked . And shriek she did as Amos held the gun in her face and slipped the second pair of restraints over her wrists . Her protest only made Amos tighten her forearms restraints . Tasha tried to spread her arms as he slipped the plastic loops over her wrists . Her resistance only made Amos more determined . The most humiliating thing was when Amos had taped her into the seat . He 'd pointed the gun and said it would be just as easy to shoot her right now if she didn 't cooperate . Just to show her who was boss , he 'd looked her in the eyes and grabbed her breasts , daring her to say anything . Cupping them both with his hands , he pushed Tasha back into the seat . As Amos felt up her breasts , grabbing them and giving them each a hard squeeze , he wrapped the tape around her under her breasts and around the seat several times . Finally , with the leg restraints , the arm restraints , and the duct tape , Tasha couldn 't move . When he was done , he squeezed her boobs more until he got bored . Then , he tried to kiss her . Tasha pulled away and turned her face . She was determined not to give him the satisfaction of reacting . He slobbered all over her , but she bared her teeth and tried to bite him . That got her a hard slap on the side of her head that left her dazed . Amos continued to grab her breasts , but he never suspected he was feeling up padded silicone falsies . Then , once she was securely taped in place , they started driving around for what seemed like endless hours . When they stopped for gas , the dash clock said they 'd been driving for five hours . They 'd had to stop for gas , but the tinted windows had prevented the man from seeing inside the car when he pumped their gas . Amos had laughed . " You 're not going anywhere now . And you 'll get nothing to eat or drink . Not until we get where we 're going . Then , I 'll feed you all the powders and pills I want , until you 're begging me to fuck you . Until then , you 're just going to have to tough it out . " Terry seemed to fade in and out . He was so frightened that he had trouble focusing and concentrating . He didn 't even hear Amos talking to him now . He 'd withdrawn inside his own mind . Amos turned and screamed in her face . " What are you doing , Tasha ? Are you ignoring me ? I 'm going to pull the trigger and you 're sitting there glazing over . Is this boring you ? " Now , everything he knew had gone to shit . Nothing in his eighteen years prepared him for this . He 'd never been so frightened in his whole life . He was scared because he was going to die . " Arghhh ! " Amos turned the gun away from his forehead , pointing her way . He screamed loudly and pulled the trigger . The firing pin fell forward with a loud snap connecting with the casing igniting the powder . In a millisecond , the pistol fired . The bullet flew out the barrel straight out and by Tasha 's face . It shattered the passenger side window , sending the safety glass outward in a million pieces . She was taped so securely back against the seat she felt the heat as the bullet passed by when the gun went off . The noise and the superheated gases from the gun overwhelmed her and she screamed loudly . Tasha convulsed and vomited . If Tasha had anything in her stomach , it would have all come up . Instead she felt the hot stomach acids burning her throat and filling her mouth . It poured out her lips and on to her chin even as she tried to swallow it back down . Amos was as shocked as she was that the gun went off . He never thought the bullet was ready to fire . As the gun fell on the console between them , the noise had deafened them both temporarily . But , it only seemed to enrage him more . " Tasha , I 'm this close to death and you 're only interested in yourself . You 're an ignorant pig cunt like all the rest of them . " He pulled back on the highway and continued driving . The April air blew into the car 's shattered window , blowing cold air on Terry 's face , clearing the hot gases and distracting him from the burning sensation in his mouth and down his throat . He couldn 't find any words to say to comfort Amos . Terry was at a loss . He was so upset and frustrated , he wanted to scream and tell Amos to go fuck himself . When they finally stopped , it was night time . Terry woke up . He had fallen asleep somewhere along the way because now it was dark out . He had no idea where they were . Terry watched Amos get out and walk to the front of the car . They were in a driveway . In the glare of the headlights , he pulled the garage door up . Amos came back and glared at Tasha . His face seemed to become more twisted and crazy as the day went on . " Well , look who finally woke up . Did you have a nice nap , Tasha ? " After he drove the car into the garage , he pulled the door down and then walked over to her side . He opened the passenger door and pulled out a knife . Amos cut the duct tape holding her to the seat . Grabbing her roughly by the upper arm , he dragged her out of the car bumping her head against the doorframe . When she cried out in pain , he slapped her . " Shut up , cunt , shut up . You 're totally useless . You can 't even beg for your life . Instead you just sit there waiting to die . You deserve to die . And you will ! " With her hands and feet restrained by the cuffs , she couldn 't walk and instead was half dragged up three steps to the house . Once inside , she was dumped on the floor while Amos pulled all the window shades down . When he finally turned on the ceiling light , Terry looked around at a simple kitchen that smelled damp with salt air . They must be near the ocean , he thought . They must be down the Jersey shore . Amos came over and dragged her to the radiator over by the side wall of the old kitchen . There he wrapped her hands with duct tape to the radiator . Tasha pulled against the winding tape as hard as she could to create space between her arm and the radiator . Amos never realized what she was doing . He assumed she was pulled down tight to the pipe . When he left the room , Tasha slipped her arms out from the tape and silently crawled over to the cabinet drawers . Standing up , she searched each kitchen drawer for a weapon . " I 'm not going to die quietly . Fuck him . " Looking through them she found a serrated , pointed steak knife to saw through the restraints and free her feet . Then she could escape . It was a good plan , but Amos 's shower ended quickly and she hurriedly tucked the knife into her bra . The sharp point might have cut her flesh if they were real breasts . She returned to the radiator and slipped her arms back in the tape restraint . Amos entered the room , still wet from his shower . He 'd wrapped a bath towel around his waist and put his dress shirt back on . It was wet from his shower . In one hand , he held his knife and the other hand his gun . Tasha had scurried back in place . She sobbed and looked up from the ground as Amos dripped water on the kitchen floor . Then , the humiliation began . Amos pulled his towel off . Other than his damp shirt , he was naked . Tasha couldn 't help but notice that he was already erect . It bobbed as he crossed the room . He set the gun on the counter . He reached down . In one hand , he held his knife as he pulled cruelly on her elbow . The blade cut through the duct tape and then her arm restraints . He dragged her across the wet floor to the center of the room and the kitchen table . He let her go and she collapsed to the floor curling up into a protective ball . Amos growled as he put his knife down and picked his gun up . He stood so he cupped his balls and his member in one hand and the gun in the other . " Now , you have a choice . You can suck me or die . " Jessica Jade had driven directly to the address the realtor gave her for Amos 's beach rental . She stood in the dark doorway , a pistol in her hand . She was almost invisible but Amos could see her vague form turned sideways to him in ready firing position . Both her arms were outstretched and holding her weapon , her elbows slightly bent . Her legs were spread to steady herself , ready to shoot . Bruno had talked to Amos 's office manager in Cherry Hill that day . Amos had told his manager he was taking an early weekend to take his new girlfriend down the shore . They 'd be heading to his beach house in Sea Isle City . While Amos drove around the countryside ranting and raving , Jade had parked her SUV around the corner from the address in Sea Isle . The house appeared empty . The whole beach town was sparsely populated this early before the summer season . The street was empty . No people appeared . She watched for his approach . She had walked around the empty block with her duffle on her shoulder . Tall and lean , dressed all in black , she had a military air about her . Short leather jacket , tight black jeans , and work boots , her hair pulled back in a long single braid , she almost disappeared in the twilight of the setting sun . Jessica Jade slipped across the shared alley to the back door . Picking the simple lock and gaining entry , she 'd walked through the kitchen and searched the house . It was a small three - bedroom rancher . After walking through the whole house , she chose a back bedroom . It had a large closet where she stashed her gear . She sat inside the empty bedroom waiting for the opportunity to free Terry and take Amos out . Her timing couldn 't have been more perfect . She heard the car , the garage door , and then the yelling . She listened to the shower and got into position to watch . She needed to be close to him for her plan to work . He was distracted , screaming at Tasha , as she slipped into the kitchen doorway . She estimated she was ten feet away . She got in position , turned her gun safety off , and spoke . With the gun safety off , the audio and video recording began . Amos looked across the room at the tall figure in the dark shadows . He reached down , grabbed Tasha , pulling her up . As he did , he pressed the gun barrel against the side of Tasha 's head . " Fuck you , bitch . I don 't know who you are , but you have ten seconds to drop your gun or this cunt dies and then , you 're next . " Tasha figured it was all or nothing . Reaching up into the left side of her bra with her right hand , she pulled out the steak knife and blindly stabbed backwards as hard as she could . She couldn 't see where it struck , but it must have made an impact , because Amos screamed and released her arm . She fell away from his grasp and tumbled to the ground . As she hit the ground , she heard a loud snap and saw two strings race out of the woman 's pistol and lodge themselves through his shirt and into Amos 's stomach . The instant they made contact , he started convulsing and fell over face down to the ground , still shaking as he passed out . The next thing Terry felt was the snapping sound of his bonds being cut free as he was helped to his feet . He looked up at the tall woman who had fired the taser at Amos . She smiled at him . " Don 't worry . Amos can 't hurt anyone . He 'll be incapacitated for at least thirty minutes . That 'll be plenty of time for us to clean up this mess and get out of here . " Terry stared at the inert form lying on the kitchen floor . He watched Jessica kick Amos 's pistol across the room . She fired a second set of Tasers into his chest from the same weapon . She turned and smiled . " See . He 's out cold . " Jessica wasn 't done . She needed to see what damage the kitchen knife had done . Amos was still quivering from the voltage running through his body . The electrical shock was designed to incapacitate him without permanent damage . Jessica didn 't want to leave any trace of her presence behind when she called 9 - 1 - 1 . She carefully put on the heavy rubber gloves from her duffle and grabbed Amos 's arm , turning him over on his back . He flopped over , his eyes still rolled back in his head . She reached down and carefully pulled out the four barbed electrodes . She looked towards the knife still stuck in his scrotum . Terry 's swing had been an arc across his body at waist height . The downward swing had plunged the knife into Amos 's naked body striking him in the groin area . Amos was still impaled on the knife , his falling forward and convulsing increasing the impact and the damage . Jessica had trouble evaluating the results of the knife cut . The area was completely covered in blood . But , she knew he 'd live long enough for the rescue team to arrive . Jessica turned to Terry and looked him over . He 'd gotten to his feet and moved away from Amos , leaning against a counter . Returning to her duffle , she removed an instant cold pack and a towel . She wrapped the cold pack in the towel . Banging it against the edge of the cabinet and by breaking it in half , activated it . She held it out to Terry . He took the cold compress and held it against his bruised face . " Thanks , " he said , trying to smile . As the compress touched his skin , Terry winced . Terry nodded picking up his shoes in his other hand . He glanced over at the inert form on the floor . Amos was almost naked , his shirt barely covering his chest . The knife was still stuck deep in the center of the bloody mess of his crotch . It hurt just to look at it . Terry shivered involuntarily . Jessica slung her duffle onto her back and the strap over her shoulder . In the darkness of the empty street , she guided Terry out of the house . They walked back up the alley and around the corner to her SUV . Terry climbed up into the passenger side , the street lamp across the street the only light . He sighed as he leaned back , closing his eyes . Jessica made him comfortable , wrapping him in a blanket . Tucking it around him , she helped him fasten his seat belt . Handing him a bottle of water , she said , " Hang in there for five minutes . I want to go back in and clean up any presence we made in the house and his car . I 'll wipe down everything and be right back . " Terry watched her take the duffle off and set it on the back seat . Jessica reached into the duffle and grabbed a spray bottle and a towel . " Bleach , " she said . She went back up the alley and into the house . Terry closed his eyes and tried to figure out what had just happened . One minute he was waiting to die , the next minute he 'd stabbed Amos with the knife he 'd hidden in his enhancements . Now he was sitting on the leather seat of a fancy SUV . As the tears ran down his face , he smiled . He was safe , thanks to this stranger named Jessica . She returned five minutes later . She checked to see he was okay and started the Land Rover . " My name is Jessica Jade and I 'm taking you home . We have a two - hour drive . I 've going to make a phone call and I want you to sit quietly , okay ? " Terry nodded . He then listened while Jessica pulled out a flip - phone and called 9 - 1 - 1 . " Hello , Police . I 'm walking my dog at 43rd and Landis . I hear a lot of screaming and shouting coming from 4316 . I think someone 's been hurt . Please hurry . " She turned and smiled at Terry as she wiped the phone off , then threw it out the window as they crossed the bridge out of town . " There . That takes care of that . Are you hungry ? " Checking her rear - view mirror , Jessica pulled over on the causeway shoulder . The engine motor and the tires on the gravel were the only noise for miles . She turned off the headlights . They were all alone . " How about right here by the car ? Will that do ? " Terry nodded . He climbed out . He pulled down his leggings and underpants . He reached inside his latex vagina and pulled out his penis , squatted , and peed . He realized he looked like a girl peeing but he didn 't care . His bladder was full and it was a simple act . He didn 't care what anyone thought . He was emotionally exhausted . Getting back in the car , he wrapped himself tightly in the blanket . " Thank you . Thank you for everything . I thought I was going to die back there . " Jessica turned , nodded , and smiled . She put the car in gear and headed back towards the parkway . She turned the lights back on and accelerated . " A lot of people back in Allentown are waiting for you to appear . They care an awful lot about you . " Terry had a chance to study his rescuer in the dash lights . She was tall . She had long dark hair pulled back in a single braid . It didn 't appear that she was wearing any makeup . She had a silver stud in each ear . She sat straight , eyes forward , occasionally checking her mirrors as they cruised along the highway . Her lean body appeared strong , her manner confident and in control . Terry started talking . " I don 't know what happened . I was getting a ride into Philly . I was going to see my counsellor , Grace Goldman . The next thing I know , Amos pointed a gun at me . I was restrained and then driven all over South Jersey . Amos screamed and shouted all afternoon like he 'd lost his mind . " Terry 's teeth started to chatter and he pulled the blanket tighter . He couldn 't hold the cold pack any longer , setting the towel and ice pack on the floor . " I 'm sure he would have killed me when he found out that Tasha wasn 't real . Then I realized he was going to kill me regardless of anything I did . I was sure I was going to die . " Jade glanced at him . She smiled . " It 's over , Terry . It 's over . He can 't hurt you . He 's far , far away . He 'll be held by the police for questioning . They 'll check him into the hospital . He might need more than stitches . I don 't know . Then , his doctor gets him back on his medications and calms him down . But , he 's not getting out . My Taser records audio and video . We 've got him threatening to kill you . Don 't worry about him anymore . " " How can you be sure ? " Jessica Jade looked him in the eyes . " No , you won 't . You handled this the best way you could . You had the steak knife . You struck him at the perfect time . And your target was the best one . It was not a life - threatening wound , but one that will scar him for life . " Terry woke up when they turned into the neighborhood . It was late at night but the Nelson house was all lit up . As Jessica parked her truck and helped Terry walk up the driveway , the door opened and he saw his mom and all his friends pour out the front door . He was hugged and embraced and kissed . He felt good . He momentarily forgot the day and melted into everyone 's loving arms . When he turned around to thank Jessica , he realized she was missing from the crowd . And her Land Rover Discovery wasn 't at the curb . There was no sign of the dark SUV . Conor whispered in his ear . " She 's gone for now , but she 'll be back to check on you tomorrow when it 's quiet . She promised . You 're under her protection now . Don 't worry . " It was late and after a short time , Amy insisted that everyone go home and get some rest . She told the crowd that Terry needed to sleep and she and Conor would watch over him . Bruno had been on the phone with his parents and Amos 's doctor . Amos had been taken to the Emergency Center in Atlantic City . He 'd remain under guard until he was released to his doctor 's care . The institution had been contacted . Once he 'd recovered from the surgery to try to repair the steak knife 's damage , he 'd be locked up . When Terry awoke he was still in yesterday 's clothes . He was under the covers in the darkened room . The clock said 6 : 00 . He 'd slept through the night . He got up to pee . As he passed the mirror , he looked at his face . His jaw line was bruised and he had a black eye . His head and face ached , but he didn 't feel like he had a concussion or any permanent damage . He turned on the shower as he took all his clothes off . As he inspected his body in the mirror , he noticed that his left breast form had a deep knife cut into it . He smiled . They were good for something after all . He stepped into the shower remembering to start out with cream rinse . It was a new day and he was looking forward to playing at The Rendezvous tonight . It was their last weekend and he was looking forward to every minute . As he scrubbed , a new tune ran through his mind . He hummed as he searched for a lyric . The warm water soothed his body and he relaxed . The tears washed down his face . If you liked this post , you can leave a comment and / or a kudos ! Click the Thumbs Up ! button below to leave the author a kudos : up277 users have voted . And please , remember to comment , too ! Thanks . This story is 5580 words long . Printer - friendly versionLog in or register to post comments Another great chapter to a great story . I wasn 't expecting the little bit of action but I liked it . Especially because its been so long since I 've written a good action scene lol . I can 't help but wonder if Jade has her own story out there waiting to be told ? Terry crying in the shower seems very familiar - it 's always been the place that I can simply let go , simply let it all out . I think it started while I was in the service ; as an officer , I had a private shower , so no one could see or hear me crying . I did get razzed a little about taking long showers , but it 's kind of hard to wash yourself when your huddled up on the floor of the shower with your knees pulled to your chest and bawling your eyes out . I have of course never been in a situation like Terry was in this chapter , but based on what I know and have been taught , he / she did pretty much exactly what he / she should have done . Plus , I have been attacked with a knife before , and I certainly wouldn 't want to be Amos ! I was lucky enough to have been trained in how to fight with a knife - or against one , and I also was prepared for my attacker . I did what I was instructed and sacrificed a minor wound to block the knife , and then finished my opponent . Yeah , I took four stitches to my left hand , but that healed quickly . Oh , in case your wondering , I was in a little bar in South Carolina and stepped in to break up a bar fight between a couple of Army grunts and some locals ; one of the locals pulled the knife on me . He was still out cold when the cops and the SP 's showed up - it 's amazing how effective a few hits to right place can be , lol . Besides the stitches , the only annoying thing about it was the time I had to spend reporting the incident to the police , to the SP 's , and to my command structure . Luckily , the bar owner had video ( seems this hadn 't been his first problem ) which pretty much cleared me of any issues . I haven 't commented up til now cause I 've just binge read the first 21 chapters ! Now that I 've caught up , it 's hard to imagine this all has happened in just a month 's time frame ! It 's so amazing how everyone rallied together to get Tasha back safely ! I 'm sensing Jessica 's going to be around a while providing security ? ( Hopefully ) . Leslie & Dawn , wonderful story , keep ' em comin ' ! Loving Hugs Talia Thanks for the compliment and taking the time to write . This has been a fun ride for me and I 've been lucky enough to find three wonderful people to help me get it done . Dee , Eric , and Dawn have all worked hard to make this possible . Small mericals 1 . That Jessica got there before they did & hid in the perfect spot . 2 that Tasha had the for thought to try & excape 3 . When excape wasn 't possible the knife did what it needed to . Now Tasha is home safe & sound and bow a new song in her head no lyrics just the tune . I think she will need Grace TWICE a week for a while as PTSD is a likely hood in this case unfortunately . With Jessica Jade on her side though NOTHING will happen to poor sweet Tashia . Perfect in so many ways . " . . . plunged the knife into Amos 's naked body striking him in the groin area . Amos was still impaled on the knife , his falling forward and convulsing INCREASING the impact and the damage . " I just wish they could dump a cup of salt into his penis wound ! Very relieved that Tasha is safe . Will this trauma cause Terry to not want to be Tasha anymore ? I 'm exhausted & relieved . Whew ! What an episode . Thanx . . . . didn 't have time to use any drugs on Tasha , and I 'm glad you didn 't write her as a passive damsel in distress . Thanks . ( Terry 's O . K . , too . ) Between the hormones taking effect for the first time ( male hadn 't started yet ) , and the very likely PTSD , Grace is going to have a lot of work on her hands . The band outfits could draw a lot of attention from guys that 'll give Tasha similar reactions to Amos . It 's likely even if he remains incarcerated and institutionalized that she 's not getting Amos out of her system for a long time . Until 22 came out and I could peek at the ending before I could finish episode 21 . It was worth the wait . I 'm glad you 're posing at both sites . Terry / Tasha 's dropped off and Terry 's welcomed home . Does this mean more know Terry 's identity ? Though anxious to be back to the Rendezvous , it shouldn 't mean he 's back to normal . A very good story continues to unfold . |
Tasha looked at the buzzing phone . " It 's Bruno . Are you going to answer it ? Don 't you want to talk to your brother ? " Amos had an angry look in his eyes . " No . I don 't ! And just shut up ! I 've got to think about all of this . Bruno 's no help ! I don 't think anyone can help . " He shook his head like a dog drying off . He had one hand on the steering wheel and the other hand on a . 38 caliber Police Special revolver which he waved as he talked . They were driving on NJ - 73 . Tasha knew that because she had seen the sign more than four times . They would drive on NJ - 70 for a while and then 73 . That meant they were aimlessly driving in the Cherry Hill area less than ten miles from Philadelphia . They 'd been going in circles . Tasha was sitting as far away from Amos as her bonds would let her . Her hands and feet had been tied securely with two sets of police style plastic restraints . Then , to keep her from throwing her body around the car , Amos had used duct tape around her chest to hold her down on the leather bucket seat . Tasha kept talking , trying to get through to him . " Can I do something ? Do you want to tell me what 's the matter ? I 'm here and I want to help you . " Tasha was completely and overwhelmingly frightened for her life . She 'd been trapped in this car driving the highways of New Jersey with a screaming madman waving a loaded weapon for what seemed like hours . Amos took his eyes off the road and looked at her . " You can 't help . You 're the problem . You 're just one big tease . I tried to talk to you . I even gave you some magic to help you love me more . Nothing seemed to work . If you loved me as much as I loved you , things would be different . And now everything is fucked ! Nothing is going as planned . Nothing is working right . You were supposed to love me , and want me , and live for me . You were supposed to love me the way Bruno loves Zoe . This is all so fucked up . Maybe we should just both die together . We could die together the way we 're meant to be . Romeo and Juliet . That would solve all our problems , wouldn 't it ? " Amos pulled over for about the tenth time , steering the car onto the shoulder of the road . He put the car in park and held the pistol in two hands . " Yeah . Let 's do it . We 'll put our faith in the fates . " He emptied the six bullets out of the gun into his hand and slid one cartridge back into the cylinder . Tasha 's eyes grew huge and her jaw dropped . She could see the empty places and the one bullet in there , too . Amos pushed the cylinder back into the frame with a loud click , spinning the cylinder as he did . Staring straight into her eyes , he raised the weapon and pointed the barrel to his forehead . When Tasha didn 't say anything , he pushed it so hard against his head , it was making his skin turn red . " I 'll go first and if I don 't die , you 're next . " Each time they stopped , he had threatened her or himself . He 'd ranted and raved like a madman . He 'd cursed and occasionally slapped her face . Her cheek and lip were swollen and bruised from his hand . " You don 't understand , " Tasha had said as she 'd try to explain . " I 'm sorry you feel this way . I just don 't like guys . I want to be your friend , but not a love relationship . I can 't have a boyfriend . I 'm just not built that way . Why can 't you understand ? " She was trying to tell the truth but was afraid if she said too much , he 'd do something terrible , maybe even kill her . Now , with the gun cocked and ready to fire , Tasha started crying , sobbing hysterically . " No , " she said . " Don 't do this ! Please Amos , we can talk , we can try . I will listen . I don 't want you to die . I don 't want to die ! " She couldn 't watch and turned away . As the tears rolled down Tasha 's face , Terry flashed back to the beginning of his day . He 'd squinted to see the digital readout on his nightstand clock . It was 8 : 30 am , a perfect time to get up and out of bed . After playing at The Rendezvous , last night 's diner discussion had run late into the night . Between hamburgers and fries , there was so much new stuff to talk about . Signing with a big record company , renting a house for rehearsals , flying to Atlanta , New Orleans , and North Carolina , maybe an album in the works and then a tour , and promoting their single online . The best thing for Terry was the house . They were going to go see it this afternoon . Terry was excited because there 'd be a quiet place for him to write songs . He hoped to write more songs with the Wildcats . Maybe they 'd become ' our ' songs with ' our ' Wildcats . He 'd been alone when he awakened this morning . If Lisa were home , he 'd have heard her talking on the phone and playing music in her room . The small house didn 't afford much privacy or separation . He lay there thinking about his day and fondling himself through his satin , shorty pajamas . He mentally went over the day 's schedule ahead of him . He had an appointment with his counsellor , Grace Goldman , this morning at eleven . The trip was going to be easy . No Uber , no bus , and no train to ride . Amos was coming by to give him a ride . After he saw Grace for an hour , he and Amos would go out to lunch . Amos even promised him a ride home . In the afternoon , the Wildcats were going to see their new practice house . And then it was home for dinner , a shower , and then they 'd head down to The Rendezvous . The icing on the cake would be playing tonight . Playing had to be the best thing that ever happened to him and Terry was loving his life . This was so much more fun than going to classes at his old high school . The only thing he missed about high school were his friends . All his guy friends thought he was on the West Coast and they 'd stopped texting . It was impossible for Terry to pick up the phone and call anymore . His new voice was almost a half octave higher . Maybe that surgery had been a bad idea for Terry , but it was great for being Tasha . His voice was a lot like Lisa 's whether he was talking or singing . It was definitely a woman 's voice , not a teen - age boy 's voice . There 'd be too many questions to answer if he called his friends up . He didn 't do well at lying . So , really , the only friend he had left was Jenn . Their relationship had gotten so much better that it made up for having a lot of friends . And Terry never imagined that they 'd be fooling around the way they did . Jenn said it was no big deal to be exploring with each other . She reminded him they were both eighteen and could make those sorts of decisions on their own . It was a win - win situation for Terry . He was learning an awful lot about adult things . And speaking about learning , he was looking forward to seeing his counsellor . It would be an opportunity to talk to Grace about how he was feeling . The past month had gone by so fast . He 'd made a lot of decisions along the way . He wondered every day about his elective surgery and seeing the doctor and taking the pills . Everything had changed so much in the last month . Besides the fact that he 'd become Tasha on the outside , things inside his head felt like they were changing , too . He wanted to talk about this whole experience to someone . The future scared him a lot . He hoped that Grace would be able to help him find his way through all of this . She seemed so nice . At the bottom of the list was lunch with Amos . Terry wanted a friend , just a friend . But , it seemed like Amos was interested in Tasha and wanted to be more than friends . Everyone warned him to stay away from those kinds of relationships . Terry knew that Amos was going to be more than disappointed when he found out the story behind Tasha . He might get angry . Terry had decided not to tell Amos about his evolution from Terry to Tasha . He figured if they had no more contact , then he 'd just forget about Tasha and move on . So , it would help to make this a one and done lunch date . No more time spent together alone . Terry didn 't want to use the word date because he didn 't want to date Amos or any guy . He was afraid Amos 's expectations would result in a big blowup . So , he knew he had to break this off and the sooner , the better . Terry needed to get some distance between the two of them . He didn 't want to share the truth with any guy until he knew him better . So , this needed to be the end of it . Last lunch , last time , goodbye Amos . But , it hadn 't gone that way . They never had lunch and they 'd never talked . After Amos drove them past the 30th Street exit without slowing down , and then sped up past the Vine Street exit , Terry realized they weren 't going to stop in Philly . As Amos drove over the Ben Franklin Bridge into Jersey , Terry tried to protest . That 's when Amos pulled out the pistol and pointed it at him . They 'd pulled over and Amos had him slip the plastic restraints over his shoes and leggings . Then , he pulled them so tight across his calves , Tasha cried out in pain . When she was scared , her vocal range grew high and shrill like a little girl . She hated her voice when she shrieked . And shriek she did as Amos held the gun in her face and slipped the second pair of restraints over her wrists . Her protest only made Amos tighten her forearms restraints . Tasha tried to spread her arms as he slipped the plastic loops over her wrists . Her resistance only made Amos more determined . The most humiliating thing was when Amos had taped her into the seat . He 'd pointed the gun and said it would be just as easy to shoot her right now if she didn 't cooperate . Just to show her who was boss , he 'd looked her in the eyes and grabbed her breasts , daring her to say anything . Cupping them both with his hands , he pushed Tasha back into the seat . As Amos felt up her breasts , grabbing them and giving them each a hard squeeze , he wrapped the tape around her under her breasts and around the seat several times . Finally , with the leg restraints , the arm restraints , and the duct tape , Tasha couldn 't move . When he was done , he squeezed her boobs more until he got bored . Then , he tried to kiss her . Tasha pulled away and turned her face . She was determined not to give him the satisfaction of reacting . He slobbered all over her , but she bared her teeth and tried to bite him . That got her a hard slap on the side of her head that left her dazed . Amos continued to grab her breasts , but he never suspected he was feeling up padded silicone falsies . Then , once she was securely taped in place , they started driving around for what seemed like endless hours . When they stopped for gas , the dash clock said they 'd been driving for five hours . They 'd had to stop for gas , but the tinted windows had prevented the man from seeing inside the car when he pumped their gas . Amos had laughed . " You 're not going anywhere now . And you 'll get nothing to eat or drink . Not until we get where we 're going . Then , I 'll feed you all the powders and pills I want , until you 're begging me to fuck you . Until then , you 're just going to have to tough it out . " Terry seemed to fade in and out . He was so frightened that he had trouble focusing and concentrating . He didn 't even hear Amos talking to him now . He 'd withdrawn inside his own mind . Amos turned and screamed in her face . " What are you doing , Tasha ? Are you ignoring me ? I 'm going to pull the trigger and you 're sitting there glazing over . Is this boring you ? " Now , everything he knew had gone to shit . Nothing in his eighteen years prepared him for this . He 'd never been so frightened in his whole life . He was scared because he was going to die . " Arghhh ! " Amos turned the gun away from his forehead , pointing her way . He screamed loudly and pulled the trigger . The firing pin fell forward with a loud snap connecting with the casing igniting the powder . In a millisecond , the pistol fired . The bullet flew out the barrel straight out and by Tasha 's face . It shattered the passenger side window , sending the safety glass outward in a million pieces . She was taped so securely back against the seat she felt the heat as the bullet passed by when the gun went off . The noise and the superheated gases from the gun overwhelmed her and she screamed loudly . Tasha convulsed and vomited . If Tasha had anything in her stomach , it would have all come up . Instead she felt the hot stomach acids burning her throat and filling her mouth . It poured out her lips and on to her chin even as she tried to swallow it back down . Amos was as shocked as she was that the gun went off . He never thought the bullet was ready to fire . As the gun fell on the console between them , the noise had deafened them both temporarily . But , it only seemed to enrage him more . " Tasha , I 'm this close to death and you 're only interested in yourself . You 're an ignorant pig cunt like all the rest of them . " He pulled back on the highway and continued driving . The April air blew into the car 's shattered window , blowing cold air on Terry 's face , clearing the hot gases and distracting him from the burning sensation in his mouth and down his throat . He couldn 't find any words to say to comfort Amos . Terry was at a loss . He was so upset and frustrated , he wanted to scream and tell Amos to go fuck himself . When they finally stopped , it was night time . Terry woke up . He had fallen asleep somewhere along the way because now it was dark out . He had no idea where they were . Terry watched Amos get out and walk to the front of the car . They were in a driveway . In the glare of the headlights , he pulled the garage door up . Amos came back and glared at Tasha . His face seemed to become more twisted and crazy as the day went on . " Well , look who finally woke up . Did you have a nice nap , Tasha ? " After he drove the car into the garage , he pulled the door down and then walked over to her side . He opened the passenger door and pulled out a knife . Amos cut the duct tape holding her to the seat . Grabbing her roughly by the upper arm , he dragged her out of the car bumping her head against the doorframe . When she cried out in pain , he slapped her . " Shut up , cunt , shut up . You 're totally useless . You can 't even beg for your life . Instead you just sit there waiting to die . You deserve to die . And you will ! " With her hands and feet restrained by the cuffs , she couldn 't walk and instead was half dragged up three steps to the house . Once inside , she was dumped on the floor while Amos pulled all the window shades down . When he finally turned on the ceiling light , Terry looked around at a simple kitchen that smelled damp with salt air . They must be near the ocean , he thought . They must be down the Jersey shore . Amos came over and dragged her to the radiator over by the side wall of the old kitchen . There he wrapped her hands with duct tape to the radiator . Tasha pulled against the winding tape as hard as she could to create space between her arm and the radiator . Amos never realized what she was doing . He assumed she was pulled down tight to the pipe . When he left the room , Tasha slipped her arms out from the tape and silently crawled over to the cabinet drawers . Standing up , she searched each kitchen drawer for a weapon . " I 'm not going to die quietly . Fuck him . " Looking through them she found a serrated , pointed steak knife to saw through the restraints and free her feet . Then she could escape . It was a good plan , but Amos 's shower ended quickly and she hurriedly tucked the knife into her bra . The sharp point might have cut her flesh if they were real breasts . She returned to the radiator and slipped her arms back in the tape restraint . Amos entered the room , still wet from his shower . He 'd wrapped a bath towel around his waist and put his dress shirt back on . It was wet from his shower . In one hand , he held his knife and the other hand his gun . Tasha had scurried back in place . She sobbed and looked up from the ground as Amos dripped water on the kitchen floor . Then , the humiliation began . Amos pulled his towel off . Other than his damp shirt , he was naked . Tasha couldn 't help but notice that he was already erect . It bobbed as he crossed the room . He set the gun on the counter . He reached down . In one hand , he held his knife as he pulled cruelly on her elbow . The blade cut through the duct tape and then her arm restraints . He dragged her across the wet floor to the center of the room and the kitchen table . He let her go and she collapsed to the floor curling up into a protective ball . Amos growled as he put his knife down and picked his gun up . He stood so he cupped his balls and his member in one hand and the gun in the other . " Now , you have a choice . You can suck me or die . " Jessica Jade had driven directly to the address the realtor gave her for Amos 's beach rental . She stood in the dark doorway , a pistol in her hand . She was almost invisible but Amos could see her vague form turned sideways to him in ready firing position . Both her arms were outstretched and holding her weapon , her elbows slightly bent . Her legs were spread to steady herself , ready to shoot . Bruno had talked to Amos 's office manager in Cherry Hill that day . Amos had told his manager he was taking an early weekend to take his new girlfriend down the shore . They 'd be heading to his beach house in Sea Isle City . While Amos drove around the countryside ranting and raving , Jade had parked her SUV around the corner from the address in Sea Isle . The house appeared empty . The whole beach town was sparsely populated this early before the summer season . The street was empty . No people appeared . She watched for his approach . She had walked around the empty block with her duffle on her shoulder . Tall and lean , dressed all in black , she had a military air about her . Short leather jacket , tight black jeans , and work boots , her hair pulled back in a long single braid , she almost disappeared in the twilight of the setting sun . Jessica Jade slipped across the shared alley to the back door . Picking the simple lock and gaining entry , she 'd walked through the kitchen and searched the house . It was a small three - bedroom rancher . After walking through the whole house , she chose a back bedroom . It had a large closet where she stashed her gear . She sat inside the empty bedroom waiting for the opportunity to free Terry and take Amos out . Her timing couldn 't have been more perfect . She heard the car , the garage door , and then the yelling . She listened to the shower and got into position to watch . She needed to be close to him for her plan to work . He was distracted , screaming at Tasha , as she slipped into the kitchen doorway . She estimated she was ten feet away . She got in position , turned her gun safety off , and spoke . With the gun safety off , the audio and video recording began . Amos looked across the room at the tall figure in the dark shadows . He reached down , grabbed Tasha , pulling her up . As he did , he pressed the gun barrel against the side of Tasha 's head . " Fuck you , bitch . I don 't know who you are , but you have ten seconds to drop your gun or this cunt dies and then , you 're next . " Tasha figured it was all or nothing . Reaching up into the left side of her bra with her right hand , she pulled out the steak knife and blindly stabbed backwards as hard as she could . She couldn 't see where it struck , but it must have made an impact , because Amos screamed and released her arm . She fell away from his grasp and tumbled to the ground . As she hit the ground , she heard a loud snap and saw two strings race out of the woman 's pistol and lodge themselves through his shirt and into Amos 's stomach . The instant they made contact , he started convulsing and fell over face down to the ground , still shaking as he passed out . The next thing Terry felt was the snapping sound of his bonds being cut free as he was helped to his feet . He looked up at the tall woman who had fired the taser at Amos . She smiled at him . " Don 't worry . Amos can 't hurt anyone . He 'll be incapacitated for at least thirty minutes . That 'll be plenty of time for us to clean up this mess and get out of here . " Terry stared at the inert form lying on the kitchen floor . He watched Jessica kick Amos 's pistol across the room . She fired a second set of Tasers into his chest from the same weapon . She turned and smiled . " See . He 's out cold . " Jessica wasn 't done . She needed to see what damage the kitchen knife had done . Amos was still quivering from the voltage running through his body . The electrical shock was designed to incapacitate him without permanent damage . Jessica didn 't want to leave any trace of her presence behind when she called 9 - 1 - 1 . She carefully put on the heavy rubber gloves from her duffle and grabbed Amos 's arm , turning him over on his back . He flopped over , his eyes still rolled back in his head . She reached down and carefully pulled out the four barbed electrodes . She looked towards the knife still stuck in his scrotum . Terry 's swing had been an arc across his body at waist height . The downward swing had plunged the knife into Amos 's naked body striking him in the groin area . Amos was still impaled on the knife , his falling forward and convulsing increasing the impact and the damage . Jessica had trouble evaluating the results of the knife cut . The area was completely covered in blood . But , she knew he 'd live long enough for the rescue team to arrive . Jessica turned to Terry and looked him over . He 'd gotten to his feet and moved away from Amos , leaning against a counter . Returning to her duffle , she removed an instant cold pack and a towel . She wrapped the cold pack in the towel . Banging it against the edge of the cabinet and by breaking it in half , activated it . She held it out to Terry . He took the cold compress and held it against his bruised face . " Thanks , " he said , trying to smile . As the compress touched his skin , Terry winced . Terry nodded picking up his shoes in his other hand . He glanced over at the inert form on the floor . Amos was almost naked , his shirt barely covering his chest . The knife was still stuck deep in the center of the bloody mess of his crotch . It hurt just to look at it . Terry shivered involuntarily . Jessica slung her duffle onto her back and the strap over her shoulder . In the darkness of the empty street , she guided Terry out of the house . They walked back up the alley and around the corner to her SUV . Terry climbed up into the passenger side , the street lamp across the street the only light . He sighed as he leaned back , closing his eyes . Jessica made him comfortable , wrapping him in a blanket . Tucking it around him , she helped him fasten his seat belt . Handing him a bottle of water , she said , " Hang in there for five minutes . I want to go back in and clean up any presence we made in the house and his car . I 'll wipe down everything and be right back . " Terry watched her take the duffle off and set it on the back seat . Jessica reached into the duffle and grabbed a spray bottle and a towel . " Bleach , " she said . She went back up the alley and into the house . Terry closed his eyes and tried to figure out what had just happened . One minute he was waiting to die , the next minute he 'd stabbed Amos with the knife he 'd hidden in his enhancements . Now he was sitting on the leather seat of a fancy SUV . As the tears ran down his face , he smiled . He was safe , thanks to this stranger named Jessica . She returned five minutes later . She checked to see he was okay and started the Land Rover . " My name is Jessica Jade and I 'm taking you home . We have a two - hour drive . I 've going to make a phone call and I want you to sit quietly , okay ? " Terry nodded . He then listened while Jessica pulled out a flip - phone and called 9 - 1 - 1 . " Hello , Police . I 'm walking my dog at 43rd and Landis . I hear a lot of screaming and shouting coming from 4316 . I think someone 's been hurt . Please hurry . " She turned and smiled at Terry as she wiped the phone off , then threw it out the window as they crossed the bridge out of town . " There . That takes care of that . Are you hungry ? " Checking her rear - view mirror , Jessica pulled over on the causeway shoulder . The engine motor and the tires on the gravel were the only noise for miles . She turned off the headlights . They were all alone . " How about right here by the car ? Will that do ? " Terry nodded . He climbed out . He pulled down his leggings and underpants . He reached inside his latex vagina and pulled out his penis , squatted , and peed . He realized he looked like a girl peeing but he didn 't care . His bladder was full and it was a simple act . He didn 't care what anyone thought . He was emotionally exhausted . Getting back in the car , he wrapped himself tightly in the blanket . " Thank you . Thank you for everything . I thought I was going to die back there . " Jessica turned , nodded , and smiled . She put the car in gear and headed back towards the parkway . She turned the lights back on and accelerated . " A lot of people back in Allentown are waiting for you to appear . They care an awful lot about you . " Terry had a chance to study his rescuer in the dash lights . She was tall . She had long dark hair pulled back in a single braid . It didn 't appear that she was wearing any makeup . She had a silver stud in each ear . She sat straight , eyes forward , occasionally checking her mirrors as they cruised along the highway . Her lean body appeared strong , her manner confident and in control . Terry started talking . " I don 't know what happened . I was getting a ride into Philly . I was going to see my counsellor , Grace Goldman . The next thing I know , Amos pointed a gun at me . I was restrained and then driven all over South Jersey . Amos screamed and shouted all afternoon like he 'd lost his mind . " Terry 's teeth started to chatter and he pulled the blanket tighter . He couldn 't hold the cold pack any longer , setting the towel and ice pack on the floor . " I 'm sure he would have killed me when he found out that Tasha wasn 't real . Then I realized he was going to kill me regardless of anything I did . I was sure I was going to die . " Jade glanced at him . She smiled . " It 's over , Terry . It 's over . He can 't hurt you . He 's far , far away . He 'll be held by the police for questioning . They 'll check him into the hospital . He might need more than stitches . I don 't know . Then , his doctor gets him back on his medications and calms him down . But , he 's not getting out . My Taser records audio and video . We 've got him threatening to kill you . Don 't worry about him anymore . " " How can you be sure ? " Jessica Jade looked him in the eyes . " No , you won 't . You handled this the best way you could . You had the steak knife . You struck him at the perfect time . And your target was the best one . It was not a life - threatening wound , but one that will scar him for life . " Terry woke up when they turned into the neighborhood . It was late at night but the Nelson house was all lit up . As Jessica parked her truck and helped Terry walk up the driveway , the door opened and he saw his mom and all his friends pour out the front door . He was hugged and embraced and kissed . He felt good . He momentarily forgot the day and melted into everyone 's loving arms . When he turned around to thank Jessica , he realized she was missing from the crowd . And her Land Rover Discovery wasn 't at the curb . There was no sign of the dark SUV . Conor whispered in his ear . " She 's gone for now , but she 'll be back to check on you tomorrow when it 's quiet . She promised . You 're under her protection now . Don 't worry . " It was late and after a short time , Amy insisted that everyone go home and get some rest . She told the crowd that Terry needed to sleep and she and Conor would watch over him . Bruno had been on the phone with his parents and Amos 's doctor . Amos had been taken to the Emergency Center in Atlantic City . He 'd remain under guard until he was released to his doctor 's care . The institution had been contacted . Once he 'd recovered from the surgery to try to repair the steak knife 's damage , he 'd be locked up . When Terry awoke he was still in yesterday 's clothes . He was under the covers in the darkened room . The clock said 6 : 00 . He 'd slept through the night . He got up to pee . As he passed the mirror , he looked at his face . His jaw line was bruised and he had a black eye . His head and face ached , but he didn 't feel like he had a concussion or any permanent damage . He turned on the shower as he took all his clothes off . As he inspected his body in the mirror , he noticed that his left breast form had a deep knife cut into it . He smiled . They were good for something after all . He stepped into the shower remembering to start out with cream rinse . It was a new day and he was looking forward to playing at The Rendezvous tonight . It was their last weekend and he was looking forward to every minute . As he scrubbed , a new tune ran through his mind . He hummed as he searched for a lyric . The warm water soothed his body and he relaxed . The tears washed down his face . If you liked this post , you can leave a comment and / or a kudos ! Click the Thumbs Up ! button below to leave the author a kudos : up277 users have voted . And please , remember to comment , too ! Thanks . This story is 5580 words long . Printer - friendly versionLog in or register to post comments Another great chapter to a great story . I wasn 't expecting the little bit of action but I liked it . Especially because its been so long since I 've written a good action scene lol . I can 't help but wonder if Jade has her own story out there waiting to be told ? Terry crying in the shower seems very familiar - it 's always been the place that I can simply let go , simply let it all out . I think it started while I was in the service ; as an officer , I had a private shower , so no one could see or hear me crying . I did get razzed a little about taking long showers , but it 's kind of hard to wash yourself when your huddled up on the floor of the shower with your knees pulled to your chest and bawling your eyes out . I have of course never been in a situation like Terry was in this chapter , but based on what I know and have been taught , he / she did pretty much exactly what he / she should have done . Plus , I have been attacked with a knife before , and I certainly wouldn 't want to be Amos ! I was lucky enough to have been trained in how to fight with a knife - or against one , and I also was prepared for my attacker . I did what I was instructed and sacrificed a minor wound to block the knife , and then finished my opponent . Yeah , I took four stitches to my left hand , but that healed quickly . Oh , in case your wondering , I was in a little bar in South Carolina and stepped in to break up a bar fight between a couple of Army grunts and some locals ; one of the locals pulled the knife on me . He was still out cold when the cops and the SP 's showed up - it 's amazing how effective a few hits to right place can be , lol . Besides the stitches , the only annoying thing about it was the time I had to spend reporting the incident to the police , to the SP 's , and to my command structure . Luckily , the bar owner had video ( seems this hadn 't been his first problem ) which pretty much cleared me of any issues . I haven 't commented up til now cause I 've just binge read the first 21 chapters ! Now that I 've caught up , it 's hard to imagine this all has happened in just a month 's time frame ! It 's so amazing how everyone rallied together to get Tasha back safely ! I 'm sensing Jessica 's going to be around a while providing security ? ( Hopefully ) . Leslie & Dawn , wonderful story , keep ' em comin ' ! Loving Hugs Talia Thanks for the compliment and taking the time to write . This has been a fun ride for me and I 've been lucky enough to find three wonderful people to help me get it done . Dee , Eric , and Dawn have all worked hard to make this possible . Small mericals 1 . That Jessica got there before they did & hid in the perfect spot . 2 that Tasha had the for thought to try & excape 3 . When excape wasn 't possible the knife did what it needed to . Now Tasha is home safe & sound and bow a new song in her head no lyrics just the tune . I think she will need Grace TWICE a week for a while as PTSD is a likely hood in this case unfortunately . With Jessica Jade on her side though NOTHING will happen to poor sweet Tashia . Perfect in so many ways . " . . . plunged the knife into Amos 's naked body striking him in the groin area . Amos was still impaled on the knife , his falling forward and convulsing INCREASING the impact and the damage . " I just wish they could dump a cup of salt into his penis wound ! Very relieved that Tasha is safe . Will this trauma cause Terry to not want to be Tasha anymore ? I 'm exhausted & relieved . Whew ! What an episode . Thanx . . . . didn 't have time to use any drugs on Tasha , and I 'm glad you didn 't write her as a passive damsel in distress . Thanks . ( Terry 's O . K . , too . ) Between the hormones taking effect for the first time ( male hadn 't started yet ) , and the very likely PTSD , Grace is going to have a lot of work on her hands . The band outfits could draw a lot of attention from guys that 'll give Tasha similar reactions to Amos . It 's likely even if he remains incarcerated and institutionalized that she 's not getting Amos out of her system for a long time . Until 22 came out and I could peek at the ending before I could finish episode 21 . It was worth the wait . I 'm glad you 're posing at both sites . Terry / Tasha 's dropped off and Terry 's welcomed home . Does this mean more know Terry 's identity ? Though anxious to be back to the Rendezvous , it shouldn 't mean he 's back to normal . A very good story continues to unfold . |
Tasha looked at the buzzing phone . " It 's Bruno . Are you going to answer it ? Don 't you want to talk to your brother ? " Amos had an angry look in his eyes . " No . I don 't ! And just shut up ! I 've got to think about all of this . Bruno 's no help ! I don 't think anyone can help . " He shook his head like a dog drying off . He had one hand on the steering wheel and the other hand on a . 38 caliber Police Special revolver which he waved as he talked . They were driving on NJ - 73 . Tasha knew that because she had seen the sign more than four times . They would drive on NJ - 70 for a while and then 73 . That meant they were aimlessly driving in the Cherry Hill area less than ten miles from Philadelphia . They 'd been going in circles . Tasha was sitting as far away from Amos as her bonds would let her . Her hands and feet had been tied securely with two sets of police style plastic restraints . Then , to keep her from throwing her body around the car , Amos had used duct tape around her chest to hold her down on the leather bucket seat . Tasha kept talking , trying to get through to him . " Can I do something ? Do you want to tell me what 's the matter ? I 'm here and I want to help you . " Tasha was completely and overwhelmingly frightened for her life . She 'd been trapped in this car driving the highways of New Jersey with a screaming madman waving a loaded weapon for what seemed like hours . Amos took his eyes off the road and looked at her . " You can 't help . You 're the problem . You 're just one big tease . I tried to talk to you . I even gave you some magic to help you love me more . Nothing seemed to work . If you loved me as much as I loved you , things would be different . And now everything is fucked ! Nothing is going as planned . Nothing is working right . You were supposed to love me , and want me , and live for me . You were supposed to love me the way Bruno loves Zoe . This is all so fucked up . Maybe we should just both die together . We could die together the way we 're meant to be . Romeo and Juliet . That would solve all our problems , wouldn 't it ? " Amos pulled over for about the tenth time , steering the car onto the shoulder of the road . He put the car in park and held the pistol in two hands . " Yeah . Let 's do it . We 'll put our faith in the fates . " He emptied the six bullets out of the gun into his hand and slid one cartridge back into the cylinder . Tasha 's eyes grew huge and her jaw dropped . She could see the empty places and the one bullet in there , too . Amos pushed the cylinder back into the frame with a loud click , spinning the cylinder as he did . Staring straight into her eyes , he raised the weapon and pointed the barrel to his forehead . When Tasha didn 't say anything , he pushed it so hard against his head , it was making his skin turn red . " I 'll go first and if I don 't die , you 're next . " Each time they stopped , he had threatened her or himself . He 'd ranted and raved like a madman . He 'd cursed and occasionally slapped her face . Her cheek and lip were swollen and bruised from his hand . " You don 't understand , " Tasha had said as she 'd try to explain . " I 'm sorry you feel this way . I just don 't like guys . I want to be your friend , but not a love relationship . I can 't have a boyfriend . I 'm just not built that way . Why can 't you understand ? " She was trying to tell the truth but was afraid if she said too much , he 'd do something terrible , maybe even kill her . Now , with the gun cocked and ready to fire , Tasha started crying , sobbing hysterically . " No , " she said . " Don 't do this ! Please Amos , we can talk , we can try . I will listen . I don 't want you to die . I don 't want to die ! " She couldn 't watch and turned away . As the tears rolled down Tasha 's face , Terry flashed back to the beginning of his day . He 'd squinted to see the digital readout on his nightstand clock . It was 8 : 30 am , a perfect time to get up and out of bed . After playing at The Rendezvous , last night 's diner discussion had run late into the night . Between hamburgers and fries , there was so much new stuff to talk about . Signing with a big record company , renting a house for rehearsals , flying to Atlanta , New Orleans , and North Carolina , maybe an album in the works and then a tour , and promoting their single online . The best thing for Terry was the house . They were going to go see it this afternoon . Terry was excited because there 'd be a quiet place for him to write songs . He hoped to write more songs with the Wildcats . Maybe they 'd become ' our ' songs with ' our ' Wildcats . He 'd been alone when he awakened this morning . If Lisa were home , he 'd have heard her talking on the phone and playing music in her room . The small house didn 't afford much privacy or separation . He lay there thinking about his day and fondling himself through his satin , shorty pajamas . He mentally went over the day 's schedule ahead of him . He had an appointment with his counsellor , Grace Goldman , this morning at eleven . The trip was going to be easy . No Uber , no bus , and no train to ride . Amos was coming by to give him a ride . After he saw Grace for an hour , he and Amos would go out to lunch . Amos even promised him a ride home . In the afternoon , the Wildcats were going to see their new practice house . And then it was home for dinner , a shower , and then they 'd head down to The Rendezvous . The icing on the cake would be playing tonight . Playing had to be the best thing that ever happened to him and Terry was loving his life . This was so much more fun than going to classes at his old high school . The only thing he missed about high school were his friends . All his guy friends thought he was on the West Coast and they 'd stopped texting . It was impossible for Terry to pick up the phone and call anymore . His new voice was almost a half octave higher . Maybe that surgery had been a bad idea for Terry , but it was great for being Tasha . His voice was a lot like Lisa 's whether he was talking or singing . It was definitely a woman 's voice , not a teen - age boy 's voice . There 'd be too many questions to answer if he called his friends up . He didn 't do well at lying . So , really , the only friend he had left was Jenn . Their relationship had gotten so much better that it made up for having a lot of friends . And Terry never imagined that they 'd be fooling around the way they did . Jenn said it was no big deal to be exploring with each other . She reminded him they were both eighteen and could make those sorts of decisions on their own . It was a win - win situation for Terry . He was learning an awful lot about adult things . And speaking about learning , he was looking forward to seeing his counsellor . It would be an opportunity to talk to Grace about how he was feeling . The past month had gone by so fast . He 'd made a lot of decisions along the way . He wondered every day about his elective surgery and seeing the doctor and taking the pills . Everything had changed so much in the last month . Besides the fact that he 'd become Tasha on the outside , things inside his head felt like they were changing , too . He wanted to talk about this whole experience to someone . The future scared him a lot . He hoped that Grace would be able to help him find his way through all of this . She seemed so nice . At the bottom of the list was lunch with Amos . Terry wanted a friend , just a friend . But , it seemed like Amos was interested in Tasha and wanted to be more than friends . Everyone warned him to stay away from those kinds of relationships . Terry knew that Amos was going to be more than disappointed when he found out the story behind Tasha . He might get angry . Terry had decided not to tell Amos about his evolution from Terry to Tasha . He figured if they had no more contact , then he 'd just forget about Tasha and move on . So , it would help to make this a one and done lunch date . No more time spent together alone . Terry didn 't want to use the word date because he didn 't want to date Amos or any guy . He was afraid Amos 's expectations would result in a big blowup . So , he knew he had to break this off and the sooner , the better . Terry needed to get some distance between the two of them . He didn 't want to share the truth with any guy until he knew him better . So , this needed to be the end of it . Last lunch , last time , goodbye Amos . But , it hadn 't gone that way . They never had lunch and they 'd never talked . After Amos drove them past the 30th Street exit without slowing down , and then sped up past the Vine Street exit , Terry realized they weren 't going to stop in Philly . As Amos drove over the Ben Franklin Bridge into Jersey , Terry tried to protest . That 's when Amos pulled out the pistol and pointed it at him . They 'd pulled over and Amos had him slip the plastic restraints over his shoes and leggings . Then , he pulled them so tight across his calves , Tasha cried out in pain . When she was scared , her vocal range grew high and shrill like a little girl . She hated her voice when she shrieked . And shriek she did as Amos held the gun in her face and slipped the second pair of restraints over her wrists . Her protest only made Amos tighten her forearms restraints . Tasha tried to spread her arms as he slipped the plastic loops over her wrists . Her resistance only made Amos more determined . The most humiliating thing was when Amos had taped her into the seat . He 'd pointed the gun and said it would be just as easy to shoot her right now if she didn 't cooperate . Just to show her who was boss , he 'd looked her in the eyes and grabbed her breasts , daring her to say anything . Cupping them both with his hands , he pushed Tasha back into the seat . As Amos felt up her breasts , grabbing them and giving them each a hard squeeze , he wrapped the tape around her under her breasts and around the seat several times . Finally , with the leg restraints , the arm restraints , and the duct tape , Tasha couldn 't move . When he was done , he squeezed her boobs more until he got bored . Then , he tried to kiss her . Tasha pulled away and turned her face . She was determined not to give him the satisfaction of reacting . He slobbered all over her , but she bared her teeth and tried to bite him . That got her a hard slap on the side of her head that left her dazed . Amos continued to grab her breasts , but he never suspected he was feeling up padded silicone falsies . Then , once she was securely taped in place , they started driving around for what seemed like endless hours . When they stopped for gas , the dash clock said they 'd been driving for five hours . They 'd had to stop for gas , but the tinted windows had prevented the man from seeing inside the car when he pumped their gas . Amos had laughed . " You 're not going anywhere now . And you 'll get nothing to eat or drink . Not until we get where we 're going . Then , I 'll feed you all the powders and pills I want , until you 're begging me to fuck you . Until then , you 're just going to have to tough it out . " Terry seemed to fade in and out . He was so frightened that he had trouble focusing and concentrating . He didn 't even hear Amos talking to him now . He 'd withdrawn inside his own mind . Amos turned and screamed in her face . " What are you doing , Tasha ? Are you ignoring me ? I 'm going to pull the trigger and you 're sitting there glazing over . Is this boring you ? " Now , everything he knew had gone to shit . Nothing in his eighteen years prepared him for this . He 'd never been so frightened in his whole life . He was scared because he was going to die . " Arghhh ! " Amos turned the gun away from his forehead , pointing her way . He screamed loudly and pulled the trigger . The firing pin fell forward with a loud snap connecting with the casing igniting the powder . In a millisecond , the pistol fired . The bullet flew out the barrel straight out and by Tasha 's face . It shattered the passenger side window , sending the safety glass outward in a million pieces . She was taped so securely back against the seat she felt the heat as the bullet passed by when the gun went off . The noise and the superheated gases from the gun overwhelmed her and she screamed loudly . Tasha convulsed and vomited . If Tasha had anything in her stomach , it would have all come up . Instead she felt the hot stomach acids burning her throat and filling her mouth . It poured out her lips and on to her chin even as she tried to swallow it back down . Amos was as shocked as she was that the gun went off . He never thought the bullet was ready to fire . As the gun fell on the console between them , the noise had deafened them both temporarily . But , it only seemed to enrage him more . " Tasha , I 'm this close to death and you 're only interested in yourself . You 're an ignorant pig cunt like all the rest of them . " He pulled back on the highway and continued driving . The April air blew into the car 's shattered window , blowing cold air on Terry 's face , clearing the hot gases and distracting him from the burning sensation in his mouth and down his throat . He couldn 't find any words to say to comfort Amos . Terry was at a loss . He was so upset and frustrated , he wanted to scream and tell Amos to go fuck himself . When they finally stopped , it was night time . Terry woke up . He had fallen asleep somewhere along the way because now it was dark out . He had no idea where they were . Terry watched Amos get out and walk to the front of the car . They were in a driveway . In the glare of the headlights , he pulled the garage door up . Amos came back and glared at Tasha . His face seemed to become more twisted and crazy as the day went on . " Well , look who finally woke up . Did you have a nice nap , Tasha ? " After he drove the car into the garage , he pulled the door down and then walked over to her side . He opened the passenger door and pulled out a knife . Amos cut the duct tape holding her to the seat . Grabbing her roughly by the upper arm , he dragged her out of the car bumping her head against the doorframe . When she cried out in pain , he slapped her . " Shut up , cunt , shut up . You 're totally useless . You can 't even beg for your life . Instead you just sit there waiting to die . You deserve to die . And you will ! " With her hands and feet restrained by the cuffs , she couldn 't walk and instead was half dragged up three steps to the house . Once inside , she was dumped on the floor while Amos pulled all the window shades down . When he finally turned on the ceiling light , Terry looked around at a simple kitchen that smelled damp with salt air . They must be near the ocean , he thought . They must be down the Jersey shore . Amos came over and dragged her to the radiator over by the side wall of the old kitchen . There he wrapped her hands with duct tape to the radiator . Tasha pulled against the winding tape as hard as she could to create space between her arm and the radiator . Amos never realized what she was doing . He assumed she was pulled down tight to the pipe . When he left the room , Tasha slipped her arms out from the tape and silently crawled over to the cabinet drawers . Standing up , she searched each kitchen drawer for a weapon . " I 'm not going to die quietly . Fuck him . " Looking through them she found a serrated , pointed steak knife to saw through the restraints and free her feet . Then she could escape . It was a good plan , but Amos 's shower ended quickly and she hurriedly tucked the knife into her bra . The sharp point might have cut her flesh if they were real breasts . She returned to the radiator and slipped her arms back in the tape restraint . Amos entered the room , still wet from his shower . He 'd wrapped a bath towel around his waist and put his dress shirt back on . It was wet from his shower . In one hand , he held his knife and the other hand his gun . Tasha had scurried back in place . She sobbed and looked up from the ground as Amos dripped water on the kitchen floor . Then , the humiliation began . Amos pulled his towel off . Other than his damp shirt , he was naked . Tasha couldn 't help but notice that he was already erect . It bobbed as he crossed the room . He set the gun on the counter . He reached down . In one hand , he held his knife as he pulled cruelly on her elbow . The blade cut through the duct tape and then her arm restraints . He dragged her across the wet floor to the center of the room and the kitchen table . He let her go and she collapsed to the floor curling up into a protective ball . Amos growled as he put his knife down and picked his gun up . He stood so he cupped his balls and his member in one hand and the gun in the other . " Now , you have a choice . You can suck me or die . " Jessica Jade had driven directly to the address the realtor gave her for Amos 's beach rental . She stood in the dark doorway , a pistol in her hand . She was almost invisible but Amos could see her vague form turned sideways to him in ready firing position . Both her arms were outstretched and holding her weapon , her elbows slightly bent . Her legs were spread to steady herself , ready to shoot . Bruno had talked to Amos 's office manager in Cherry Hill that day . Amos had told his manager he was taking an early weekend to take his new girlfriend down the shore . They 'd be heading to his beach house in Sea Isle City . While Amos drove around the countryside ranting and raving , Jade had parked her SUV around the corner from the address in Sea Isle . The house appeared empty . The whole beach town was sparsely populated this early before the summer season . The street was empty . No people appeared . She watched for his approach . She had walked around the empty block with her duffle on her shoulder . Tall and lean , dressed all in black , she had a military air about her . Short leather jacket , tight black jeans , and work boots , her hair pulled back in a long single braid , she almost disappeared in the twilight of the setting sun . Jessica Jade slipped across the shared alley to the back door . Picking the simple lock and gaining entry , she 'd walked through the kitchen and searched the house . It was a small three - bedroom rancher . After walking through the whole house , she chose a back bedroom . It had a large closet where she stashed her gear . She sat inside the empty bedroom waiting for the opportunity to free Terry and take Amos out . Her timing couldn 't have been more perfect . She heard the car , the garage door , and then the yelling . She listened to the shower and got into position to watch . She needed to be close to him for her plan to work . He was distracted , screaming at Tasha , as she slipped into the kitchen doorway . She estimated she was ten feet away . She got in position , turned her gun safety off , and spoke . With the gun safety off , the audio and video recording began . Amos looked across the room at the tall figure in the dark shadows . He reached down , grabbed Tasha , pulling her up . As he did , he pressed the gun barrel against the side of Tasha 's head . " Fuck you , bitch . I don 't know who you are , but you have ten seconds to drop your gun or this cunt dies and then , you 're next . " Tasha figured it was all or nothing . Reaching up into the left side of her bra with her right hand , she pulled out the steak knife and blindly stabbed backwards as hard as she could . She couldn 't see where it struck , but it must have made an impact , because Amos screamed and released her arm . She fell away from his grasp and tumbled to the ground . As she hit the ground , she heard a loud snap and saw two strings race out of the woman 's pistol and lodge themselves through his shirt and into Amos 's stomach . The instant they made contact , he started convulsing and fell over face down to the ground , still shaking as he passed out . The next thing Terry felt was the snapping sound of his bonds being cut free as he was helped to his feet . He looked up at the tall woman who had fired the taser at Amos . She smiled at him . " Don 't worry . Amos can 't hurt anyone . He 'll be incapacitated for at least thirty minutes . That 'll be plenty of time for us to clean up this mess and get out of here . " Terry stared at the inert form lying on the kitchen floor . He watched Jessica kick Amos 's pistol across the room . She fired a second set of Tasers into his chest from the same weapon . She turned and smiled . " See . He 's out cold . " Jessica wasn 't done . She needed to see what damage the kitchen knife had done . Amos was still quivering from the voltage running through his body . The electrical shock was designed to incapacitate him without permanent damage . Jessica didn 't want to leave any trace of her presence behind when she called 9 - 1 - 1 . She carefully put on the heavy rubber gloves from her duffle and grabbed Amos 's arm , turning him over on his back . He flopped over , his eyes still rolled back in his head . She reached down and carefully pulled out the four barbed electrodes . She looked towards the knife still stuck in his scrotum . Terry 's swing had been an arc across his body at waist height . The downward swing had plunged the knife into Amos 's naked body striking him in the groin area . Amos was still impaled on the knife , his falling forward and convulsing increasing the impact and the damage . Jessica had trouble evaluating the results of the knife cut . The area was completely covered in blood . But , she knew he 'd live long enough for the rescue team to arrive . Jessica turned to Terry and looked him over . He 'd gotten to his feet and moved away from Amos , leaning against a counter . Returning to her duffle , she removed an instant cold pack and a towel . She wrapped the cold pack in the towel . Banging it against the edge of the cabinet and by breaking it in half , activated it . She held it out to Terry . He took the cold compress and held it against his bruised face . " Thanks , " he said , trying to smile . As the compress touched his skin , Terry winced . Terry nodded picking up his shoes in his other hand . He glanced over at the inert form on the floor . Amos was almost naked , his shirt barely covering his chest . The knife was still stuck deep in the center of the bloody mess of his crotch . It hurt just to look at it . Terry shivered involuntarily . Jessica slung her duffle onto her back and the strap over her shoulder . In the darkness of the empty street , she guided Terry out of the house . They walked back up the alley and around the corner to her SUV . Terry climbed up into the passenger side , the street lamp across the street the only light . He sighed as he leaned back , closing his eyes . Jessica made him comfortable , wrapping him in a blanket . Tucking it around him , she helped him fasten his seat belt . Handing him a bottle of water , she said , " Hang in there for five minutes . I want to go back in and clean up any presence we made in the house and his car . I 'll wipe down everything and be right back . " Terry watched her take the duffle off and set it on the back seat . Jessica reached into the duffle and grabbed a spray bottle and a towel . " Bleach , " she said . She went back up the alley and into the house . Terry closed his eyes and tried to figure out what had just happened . One minute he was waiting to die , the next minute he 'd stabbed Amos with the knife he 'd hidden in his enhancements . Now he was sitting on the leather seat of a fancy SUV . As the tears ran down his face , he smiled . He was safe , thanks to this stranger named Jessica . She returned five minutes later . She checked to see he was okay and started the Land Rover . " My name is Jessica Jade and I 'm taking you home . We have a two - hour drive . I 've going to make a phone call and I want you to sit quietly , okay ? " Terry nodded . He then listened while Jessica pulled out a flip - phone and called 9 - 1 - 1 . " Hello , Police . I 'm walking my dog at 43rd and Landis . I hear a lot of screaming and shouting coming from 4316 . I think someone 's been hurt . Please hurry . " She turned and smiled at Terry as she wiped the phone off , then threw it out the window as they crossed the bridge out of town . " There . That takes care of that . Are you hungry ? " Checking her rear - view mirror , Jessica pulled over on the causeway shoulder . The engine motor and the tires on the gravel were the only noise for miles . She turned off the headlights . They were all alone . " How about right here by the car ? Will that do ? " Terry nodded . He climbed out . He pulled down his leggings and underpants . He reached inside his latex vagina and pulled out his penis , squatted , and peed . He realized he looked like a girl peeing but he didn 't care . His bladder was full and it was a simple act . He didn 't care what anyone thought . He was emotionally exhausted . Getting back in the car , he wrapped himself tightly in the blanket . " Thank you . Thank you for everything . I thought I was going to die back there . " Jessica turned , nodded , and smiled . She put the car in gear and headed back towards the parkway . She turned the lights back on and accelerated . " A lot of people back in Allentown are waiting for you to appear . They care an awful lot about you . " Terry had a chance to study his rescuer in the dash lights . She was tall . She had long dark hair pulled back in a single braid . It didn 't appear that she was wearing any makeup . She had a silver stud in each ear . She sat straight , eyes forward , occasionally checking her mirrors as they cruised along the highway . Her lean body appeared strong , her manner confident and in control . Terry started talking . " I don 't know what happened . I was getting a ride into Philly . I was going to see my counsellor , Grace Goldman . The next thing I know , Amos pointed a gun at me . I was restrained and then driven all over South Jersey . Amos screamed and shouted all afternoon like he 'd lost his mind . " Terry 's teeth started to chatter and he pulled the blanket tighter . He couldn 't hold the cold pack any longer , setting the towel and ice pack on the floor . " I 'm sure he would have killed me when he found out that Tasha wasn 't real . Then I realized he was going to kill me regardless of anything I did . I was sure I was going to die . " Jade glanced at him . She smiled . " It 's over , Terry . It 's over . He can 't hurt you . He 's far , far away . He 'll be held by the police for questioning . They 'll check him into the hospital . He might need more than stitches . I don 't know . Then , his doctor gets him back on his medications and calms him down . But , he 's not getting out . My Taser records audio and video . We 've got him threatening to kill you . Don 't worry about him anymore . " " How can you be sure ? " Jessica Jade looked him in the eyes . " No , you won 't . You handled this the best way you could . You had the steak knife . You struck him at the perfect time . And your target was the best one . It was not a life - threatening wound , but one that will scar him for life . " Terry woke up when they turned into the neighborhood . It was late at night but the Nelson house was all lit up . As Jessica parked her truck and helped Terry walk up the driveway , the door opened and he saw his mom and all his friends pour out the front door . He was hugged and embraced and kissed . He felt good . He momentarily forgot the day and melted into everyone 's loving arms . When he turned around to thank Jessica , he realized she was missing from the crowd . And her Land Rover Discovery wasn 't at the curb . There was no sign of the dark SUV . Conor whispered in his ear . " She 's gone for now , but she 'll be back to check on you tomorrow when it 's quiet . She promised . You 're under her protection now . Don 't worry . " It was late and after a short time , Amy insisted that everyone go home and get some rest . She told the crowd that Terry needed to sleep and she and Conor would watch over him . Bruno had been on the phone with his parents and Amos 's doctor . Amos had been taken to the Emergency Center in Atlantic City . He 'd remain under guard until he was released to his doctor 's care . The institution had been contacted . Once he 'd recovered from the surgery to try to repair the steak knife 's damage , he 'd be locked up . When Terry awoke he was still in yesterday 's clothes . He was under the covers in the darkened room . The clock said 6 : 00 . He 'd slept through the night . He got up to pee . As he passed the mirror , he looked at his face . His jaw line was bruised and he had a black eye . His head and face ached , but he didn 't feel like he had a concussion or any permanent damage . He turned on the shower as he took all his clothes off . As he inspected his body in the mirror , he noticed that his left breast form had a deep knife cut into it . He smiled . They were good for something after all . He stepped into the shower remembering to start out with cream rinse . It was a new day and he was looking forward to playing at The Rendezvous tonight . It was their last weekend and he was looking forward to every minute . As he scrubbed , a new tune ran through his mind . He hummed as he searched for a lyric . The warm water soothed his body and he relaxed . The tears washed down his face . If you liked this post , you can leave a comment and / or a kudos ! Click the Thumbs Up ! button below to leave the author a kudos : up277 users have voted . And please , remember to comment , too ! Thanks . This story is 5580 words long . Printer - friendly versionLog in or register to post comments Another great chapter to a great story . I wasn 't expecting the little bit of action but I liked it . Especially because its been so long since I 've written a good action scene lol . I can 't help but wonder if Jade has her own story out there waiting to be told ? Terry crying in the shower seems very familiar - it 's always been the place that I can simply let go , simply let it all out . I think it started while I was in the service ; as an officer , I had a private shower , so no one could see or hear me crying . I did get razzed a little about taking long showers , but it 's kind of hard to wash yourself when your huddled up on the floor of the shower with your knees pulled to your chest and bawling your eyes out . I have of course never been in a situation like Terry was in this chapter , but based on what I know and have been taught , he / she did pretty much exactly what he / she should have done . Plus , I have been attacked with a knife before , and I certainly wouldn 't want to be Amos ! I was lucky enough to have been trained in how to fight with a knife - or against one , and I also was prepared for my attacker . I did what I was instructed and sacrificed a minor wound to block the knife , and then finished my opponent . Yeah , I took four stitches to my left hand , but that healed quickly . Oh , in case your wondering , I was in a little bar in South Carolina and stepped in to break up a bar fight between a couple of Army grunts and some locals ; one of the locals pulled the knife on me . He was still out cold when the cops and the SP 's showed up - it 's amazing how effective a few hits to right place can be , lol . Besides the stitches , the only annoying thing about it was the time I had to spend reporting the incident to the police , to the SP 's , and to my command structure . Luckily , the bar owner had video ( seems this hadn 't been his first problem ) which pretty much cleared me of any issues . I haven 't commented up til now cause I 've just binge read the first 21 chapters ! Now that I 've caught up , it 's hard to imagine this all has happened in just a month 's time frame ! It 's so amazing how everyone rallied together to get Tasha back safely ! I 'm sensing Jessica 's going to be around a while providing security ? ( Hopefully ) . Leslie & Dawn , wonderful story , keep ' em comin ' ! Loving Hugs Talia Thanks for the compliment and taking the time to write . This has been a fun ride for me and I 've been lucky enough to find three wonderful people to help me get it done . Dee , Eric , and Dawn have all worked hard to make this possible . Small mericals 1 . That Jessica got there before they did & hid in the perfect spot . 2 that Tasha had the for thought to try & excape 3 . When excape wasn 't possible the knife did what it needed to . Now Tasha is home safe & sound and bow a new song in her head no lyrics just the tune . I think she will need Grace TWICE a week for a while as PTSD is a likely hood in this case unfortunately . With Jessica Jade on her side though NOTHING will happen to poor sweet Tashia . Perfect in so many ways . " . . . plunged the knife into Amos 's naked body striking him in the groin area . Amos was still impaled on the knife , his falling forward and convulsing INCREASING the impact and the damage . " I just wish they could dump a cup of salt into his penis wound ! Very relieved that Tasha is safe . Will this trauma cause Terry to not want to be Tasha anymore ? I 'm exhausted & relieved . Whew ! What an episode . Thanx . . . . didn 't have time to use any drugs on Tasha , and I 'm glad you didn 't write her as a passive damsel in distress . Thanks . ( Terry 's O . K . , too . ) Between the hormones taking effect for the first time ( male hadn 't started yet ) , and the very likely PTSD , Grace is going to have a lot of work on her hands . The band outfits could draw a lot of attention from guys that 'll give Tasha similar reactions to Amos . It 's likely even if he remains incarcerated and institutionalized that she 's not getting Amos out of her system for a long time . Until 22 came out and I could peek at the ending before I could finish episode 21 . It was worth the wait . I 'm glad you 're posing at both sites . Terry / Tasha 's dropped off and Terry 's welcomed home . Does this mean more know Terry 's identity ? Though anxious to be back to the Rendezvous , it shouldn 't mean he 's back to normal . A very good story continues to unfold . |
Tasha looked at the buzzing phone . " It 's Bruno . Are you going to answer it ? Don 't you want to talk to your brother ? " Amos had an angry look in his eyes . " No . I don 't ! And just shut up ! I 've got to think about all of this . Bruno 's no help ! I don 't think anyone can help . " He shook his head like a dog drying off . He had one hand on the steering wheel and the other hand on a . 38 caliber Police Special revolver which he waved as he talked . They were driving on NJ - 73 . Tasha knew that because she had seen the sign more than four times . They would drive on NJ - 70 for a while and then 73 . That meant they were aimlessly driving in the Cherry Hill area less than ten miles from Philadelphia . They 'd been going in circles . Tasha was sitting as far away from Amos as her bonds would let her . Her hands and feet had been tied securely with two sets of police style plastic restraints . Then , to keep her from throwing her body around the car , Amos had used duct tape around her chest to hold her down on the leather bucket seat . Tasha kept talking , trying to get through to him . " Can I do something ? Do you want to tell me what 's the matter ? I 'm here and I want to help you . " Tasha was completely and overwhelmingly frightened for her life . She 'd been trapped in this car driving the highways of New Jersey with a screaming madman waving a loaded weapon for what seemed like hours . Amos took his eyes off the road and looked at her . " You can 't help . You 're the problem . You 're just one big tease . I tried to talk to you . I even gave you some magic to help you love me more . Nothing seemed to work . If you loved me as much as I loved you , things would be different . And now everything is fucked ! Nothing is going as planned . Nothing is working right . You were supposed to love me , and want me , and live for me . You were supposed to love me the way Bruno loves Zoe . This is all so fucked up . Maybe we should just both die together . We could die together the way we 're meant to be . Romeo and Juliet . That would solve all our problems , wouldn 't it ? " Amos pulled over for about the tenth time , steering the car onto the shoulder of the road . He put the car in park and held the pistol in two hands . " Yeah . Let 's do it . We 'll put our faith in the fates . " He emptied the six bullets out of the gun into his hand and slid one cartridge back into the cylinder . Tasha 's eyes grew huge and her jaw dropped . She could see the empty places and the one bullet in there , too . Amos pushed the cylinder back into the frame with a loud click , spinning the cylinder as he did . Staring straight into her eyes , he raised the weapon and pointed the barrel to his forehead . When Tasha didn 't say anything , he pushed it so hard against his head , it was making his skin turn red . " I 'll go first and if I don 't die , you 're next . " Each time they stopped , he had threatened her or himself . He 'd ranted and raved like a madman . He 'd cursed and occasionally slapped her face . Her cheek and lip were swollen and bruised from his hand . " You don 't understand , " Tasha had said as she 'd try to explain . " I 'm sorry you feel this way . I just don 't like guys . I want to be your friend , but not a love relationship . I can 't have a boyfriend . I 'm just not built that way . Why can 't you understand ? " She was trying to tell the truth but was afraid if she said too much , he 'd do something terrible , maybe even kill her . Now , with the gun cocked and ready to fire , Tasha started crying , sobbing hysterically . " No , " she said . " Don 't do this ! Please Amos , we can talk , we can try . I will listen . I don 't want you to die . I don 't want to die ! " She couldn 't watch and turned away . As the tears rolled down Tasha 's face , Terry flashed back to the beginning of his day . He 'd squinted to see the digital readout on his nightstand clock . It was 8 : 30 am , a perfect time to get up and out of bed . After playing at The Rendezvous , last night 's diner discussion had run late into the night . Between hamburgers and fries , there was so much new stuff to talk about . Signing with a big record company , renting a house for rehearsals , flying to Atlanta , New Orleans , and North Carolina , maybe an album in the works and then a tour , and promoting their single online . The best thing for Terry was the house . They were going to go see it this afternoon . Terry was excited because there 'd be a quiet place for him to write songs . He hoped to write more songs with the Wildcats . Maybe they 'd become ' our ' songs with ' our ' Wildcats . He 'd been alone when he awakened this morning . If Lisa were home , he 'd have heard her talking on the phone and playing music in her room . The small house didn 't afford much privacy or separation . He lay there thinking about his day and fondling himself through his satin , shorty pajamas . He mentally went over the day 's schedule ahead of him . He had an appointment with his counsellor , Grace Goldman , this morning at eleven . The trip was going to be easy . No Uber , no bus , and no train to ride . Amos was coming by to give him a ride . After he saw Grace for an hour , he and Amos would go out to lunch . Amos even promised him a ride home . In the afternoon , the Wildcats were going to see their new practice house . And then it was home for dinner , a shower , and then they 'd head down to The Rendezvous . The icing on the cake would be playing tonight . Playing had to be the best thing that ever happened to him and Terry was loving his life . This was so much more fun than going to classes at his old high school . The only thing he missed about high school were his friends . All his guy friends thought he was on the West Coast and they 'd stopped texting . It was impossible for Terry to pick up the phone and call anymore . His new voice was almost a half octave higher . Maybe that surgery had been a bad idea for Terry , but it was great for being Tasha . His voice was a lot like Lisa 's whether he was talking or singing . It was definitely a woman 's voice , not a teen - age boy 's voice . There 'd be too many questions to answer if he called his friends up . He didn 't do well at lying . So , really , the only friend he had left was Jenn . Their relationship had gotten so much better that it made up for having a lot of friends . And Terry never imagined that they 'd be fooling around the way they did . Jenn said it was no big deal to be exploring with each other . She reminded him they were both eighteen and could make those sorts of decisions on their own . It was a win - win situation for Terry . He was learning an awful lot about adult things . And speaking about learning , he was looking forward to seeing his counsellor . It would be an opportunity to talk to Grace about how he was feeling . The past month had gone by so fast . He 'd made a lot of decisions along the way . He wondered every day about his elective surgery and seeing the doctor and taking the pills . Everything had changed so much in the last month . Besides the fact that he 'd become Tasha on the outside , things inside his head felt like they were changing , too . He wanted to talk about this whole experience to someone . The future scared him a lot . He hoped that Grace would be able to help him find his way through all of this . She seemed so nice . At the bottom of the list was lunch with Amos . Terry wanted a friend , just a friend . But , it seemed like Amos was interested in Tasha and wanted to be more than friends . Everyone warned him to stay away from those kinds of relationships . Terry knew that Amos was going to be more than disappointed when he found out the story behind Tasha . He might get angry . Terry had decided not to tell Amos about his evolution from Terry to Tasha . He figured if they had no more contact , then he 'd just forget about Tasha and move on . So , it would help to make this a one and done lunch date . No more time spent together alone . Terry didn 't want to use the word date because he didn 't want to date Amos or any guy . He was afraid Amos 's expectations would result in a big blowup . So , he knew he had to break this off and the sooner , the better . Terry needed to get some distance between the two of them . He didn 't want to share the truth with any guy until he knew him better . So , this needed to be the end of it . Last lunch , last time , goodbye Amos . But , it hadn 't gone that way . They never had lunch and they 'd never talked . After Amos drove them past the 30th Street exit without slowing down , and then sped up past the Vine Street exit , Terry realized they weren 't going to stop in Philly . As Amos drove over the Ben Franklin Bridge into Jersey , Terry tried to protest . That 's when Amos pulled out the pistol and pointed it at him . They 'd pulled over and Amos had him slip the plastic restraints over his shoes and leggings . Then , he pulled them so tight across his calves , Tasha cried out in pain . When she was scared , her vocal range grew high and shrill like a little girl . She hated her voice when she shrieked . And shriek she did as Amos held the gun in her face and slipped the second pair of restraints over her wrists . Her protest only made Amos tighten her forearms restraints . Tasha tried to spread her arms as he slipped the plastic loops over her wrists . Her resistance only made Amos more determined . The most humiliating thing was when Amos had taped her into the seat . He 'd pointed the gun and said it would be just as easy to shoot her right now if she didn 't cooperate . Just to show her who was boss , he 'd looked her in the eyes and grabbed her breasts , daring her to say anything . Cupping them both with his hands , he pushed Tasha back into the seat . As Amos felt up her breasts , grabbing them and giving them each a hard squeeze , he wrapped the tape around her under her breasts and around the seat several times . Finally , with the leg restraints , the arm restraints , and the duct tape , Tasha couldn 't move . When he was done , he squeezed her boobs more until he got bored . Then , he tried to kiss her . Tasha pulled away and turned her face . She was determined not to give him the satisfaction of reacting . He slobbered all over her , but she bared her teeth and tried to bite him . That got her a hard slap on the side of her head that left her dazed . Amos continued to grab her breasts , but he never suspected he was feeling up padded silicone falsies . Then , once she was securely taped in place , they started driving around for what seemed like endless hours . When they stopped for gas , the dash clock said they 'd been driving for five hours . They 'd had to stop for gas , but the tinted windows had prevented the man from seeing inside the car when he pumped their gas . Amos had laughed . " You 're not going anywhere now . And you 'll get nothing to eat or drink . Not until we get where we 're going . Then , I 'll feed you all the powders and pills I want , until you 're begging me to fuck you . Until then , you 're just going to have to tough it out . " Terry seemed to fade in and out . He was so frightened that he had trouble focusing and concentrating . He didn 't even hear Amos talking to him now . He 'd withdrawn inside his own mind . Amos turned and screamed in her face . " What are you doing , Tasha ? Are you ignoring me ? I 'm going to pull the trigger and you 're sitting there glazing over . Is this boring you ? " Now , everything he knew had gone to shit . Nothing in his eighteen years prepared him for this . He 'd never been so frightened in his whole life . He was scared because he was going to die . " Arghhh ! " Amos turned the gun away from his forehead , pointing her way . He screamed loudly and pulled the trigger . The firing pin fell forward with a loud snap connecting with the casing igniting the powder . In a millisecond , the pistol fired . The bullet flew out the barrel straight out and by Tasha 's face . It shattered the passenger side window , sending the safety glass outward in a million pieces . She was taped so securely back against the seat she felt the heat as the bullet passed by when the gun went off . The noise and the superheated gases from the gun overwhelmed her and she screamed loudly . Tasha convulsed and vomited . If Tasha had anything in her stomach , it would have all come up . Instead she felt the hot stomach acids burning her throat and filling her mouth . It poured out her lips and on to her chin even as she tried to swallow it back down . Amos was as shocked as she was that the gun went off . He never thought the bullet was ready to fire . As the gun fell on the console between them , the noise had deafened them both temporarily . But , it only seemed to enrage him more . " Tasha , I 'm this close to death and you 're only interested in yourself . You 're an ignorant pig cunt like all the rest of them . " He pulled back on the highway and continued driving . The April air blew into the car 's shattered window , blowing cold air on Terry 's face , clearing the hot gases and distracting him from the burning sensation in his mouth and down his throat . He couldn 't find any words to say to comfort Amos . Terry was at a loss . He was so upset and frustrated , he wanted to scream and tell Amos to go fuck himself . When they finally stopped , it was night time . Terry woke up . He had fallen asleep somewhere along the way because now it was dark out . He had no idea where they were . Terry watched Amos get out and walk to the front of the car . They were in a driveway . In the glare of the headlights , he pulled the garage door up . Amos came back and glared at Tasha . His face seemed to become more twisted and crazy as the day went on . " Well , look who finally woke up . Did you have a nice nap , Tasha ? " After he drove the car into the garage , he pulled the door down and then walked over to her side . He opened the passenger door and pulled out a knife . Amos cut the duct tape holding her to the seat . Grabbing her roughly by the upper arm , he dragged her out of the car bumping her head against the doorframe . When she cried out in pain , he slapped her . " Shut up , cunt , shut up . You 're totally useless . You can 't even beg for your life . Instead you just sit there waiting to die . You deserve to die . And you will ! " With her hands and feet restrained by the cuffs , she couldn 't walk and instead was half dragged up three steps to the house . Once inside , she was dumped on the floor while Amos pulled all the window shades down . When he finally turned on the ceiling light , Terry looked around at a simple kitchen that smelled damp with salt air . They must be near the ocean , he thought . They must be down the Jersey shore . Amos came over and dragged her to the radiator over by the side wall of the old kitchen . There he wrapped her hands with duct tape to the radiator . Tasha pulled against the winding tape as hard as she could to create space between her arm and the radiator . Amos never realized what she was doing . He assumed she was pulled down tight to the pipe . When he left the room , Tasha slipped her arms out from the tape and silently crawled over to the cabinet drawers . Standing up , she searched each kitchen drawer for a weapon . " I 'm not going to die quietly . Fuck him . " Looking through them she found a serrated , pointed steak knife to saw through the restraints and free her feet . Then she could escape . It was a good plan , but Amos 's shower ended quickly and she hurriedly tucked the knife into her bra . The sharp point might have cut her flesh if they were real breasts . She returned to the radiator and slipped her arms back in the tape restraint . Amos entered the room , still wet from his shower . He 'd wrapped a bath towel around his waist and put his dress shirt back on . It was wet from his shower . In one hand , he held his knife and the other hand his gun . Tasha had scurried back in place . She sobbed and looked up from the ground as Amos dripped water on the kitchen floor . Then , the humiliation began . Amos pulled his towel off . Other than his damp shirt , he was naked . Tasha couldn 't help but notice that he was already erect . It bobbed as he crossed the room . He set the gun on the counter . He reached down . In one hand , he held his knife as he pulled cruelly on her elbow . The blade cut through the duct tape and then her arm restraints . He dragged her across the wet floor to the center of the room and the kitchen table . He let her go and she collapsed to the floor curling up into a protective ball . Amos growled as he put his knife down and picked his gun up . He stood so he cupped his balls and his member in one hand and the gun in the other . " Now , you have a choice . You can suck me or die . " Jessica Jade had driven directly to the address the realtor gave her for Amos 's beach rental . She stood in the dark doorway , a pistol in her hand . She was almost invisible but Amos could see her vague form turned sideways to him in ready firing position . Both her arms were outstretched and holding her weapon , her elbows slightly bent . Her legs were spread to steady herself , ready to shoot . Bruno had talked to Amos 's office manager in Cherry Hill that day . Amos had told his manager he was taking an early weekend to take his new girlfriend down the shore . They 'd be heading to his beach house in Sea Isle City . While Amos drove around the countryside ranting and raving , Jade had parked her SUV around the corner from the address in Sea Isle . The house appeared empty . The whole beach town was sparsely populated this early before the summer season . The street was empty . No people appeared . She watched for his approach . She had walked around the empty block with her duffle on her shoulder . Tall and lean , dressed all in black , she had a military air about her . Short leather jacket , tight black jeans , and work boots , her hair pulled back in a long single braid , she almost disappeared in the twilight of the setting sun . Jessica Jade slipped across the shared alley to the back door . Picking the simple lock and gaining entry , she 'd walked through the kitchen and searched the house . It was a small three - bedroom rancher . After walking through the whole house , she chose a back bedroom . It had a large closet where she stashed her gear . She sat inside the empty bedroom waiting for the opportunity to free Terry and take Amos out . Her timing couldn 't have been more perfect . She heard the car , the garage door , and then the yelling . She listened to the shower and got into position to watch . She needed to be close to him for her plan to work . He was distracted , screaming at Tasha , as she slipped into the kitchen doorway . She estimated she was ten feet away . She got in position , turned her gun safety off , and spoke . With the gun safety off , the audio and video recording began . Amos looked across the room at the tall figure in the dark shadows . He reached down , grabbed Tasha , pulling her up . As he did , he pressed the gun barrel against the side of Tasha 's head . " Fuck you , bitch . I don 't know who you are , but you have ten seconds to drop your gun or this cunt dies and then , you 're next . " Tasha figured it was all or nothing . Reaching up into the left side of her bra with her right hand , she pulled out the steak knife and blindly stabbed backwards as hard as she could . She couldn 't see where it struck , but it must have made an impact , because Amos screamed and released her arm . She fell away from his grasp and tumbled to the ground . As she hit the ground , she heard a loud snap and saw two strings race out of the woman 's pistol and lodge themselves through his shirt and into Amos 's stomach . The instant they made contact , he started convulsing and fell over face down to the ground , still shaking as he passed out . The next thing Terry felt was the snapping sound of his bonds being cut free as he was helped to his feet . He looked up at the tall woman who had fired the taser at Amos . She smiled at him . " Don 't worry . Amos can 't hurt anyone . He 'll be incapacitated for at least thirty minutes . That 'll be plenty of time for us to clean up this mess and get out of here . " Terry stared at the inert form lying on the kitchen floor . He watched Jessica kick Amos 's pistol across the room . She fired a second set of Tasers into his chest from the same weapon . She turned and smiled . " See . He 's out cold . " Jessica wasn 't done . She needed to see what damage the kitchen knife had done . Amos was still quivering from the voltage running through his body . The electrical shock was designed to incapacitate him without permanent damage . Jessica didn 't want to leave any trace of her presence behind when she called 9 - 1 - 1 . She carefully put on the heavy rubber gloves from her duffle and grabbed Amos 's arm , turning him over on his back . He flopped over , his eyes still rolled back in his head . She reached down and carefully pulled out the four barbed electrodes . She looked towards the knife still stuck in his scrotum . Terry 's swing had been an arc across his body at waist height . The downward swing had plunged the knife into Amos 's naked body striking him in the groin area . Amos was still impaled on the knife , his falling forward and convulsing increasing the impact and the damage . Jessica had trouble evaluating the results of the knife cut . The area was completely covered in blood . But , she knew he 'd live long enough for the rescue team to arrive . Jessica turned to Terry and looked him over . He 'd gotten to his feet and moved away from Amos , leaning against a counter . Returning to her duffle , she removed an instant cold pack and a towel . She wrapped the cold pack in the towel . Banging it against the edge of the cabinet and by breaking it in half , activated it . She held it out to Terry . He took the cold compress and held it against his bruised face . " Thanks , " he said , trying to smile . As the compress touched his skin , Terry winced . Terry nodded picking up his shoes in his other hand . He glanced over at the inert form on the floor . Amos was almost naked , his shirt barely covering his chest . The knife was still stuck deep in the center of the bloody mess of his crotch . It hurt just to look at it . Terry shivered involuntarily . Jessica slung her duffle onto her back and the strap over her shoulder . In the darkness of the empty street , she guided Terry out of the house . They walked back up the alley and around the corner to her SUV . Terry climbed up into the passenger side , the street lamp across the street the only light . He sighed as he leaned back , closing his eyes . Jessica made him comfortable , wrapping him in a blanket . Tucking it around him , she helped him fasten his seat belt . Handing him a bottle of water , she said , " Hang in there for five minutes . I want to go back in and clean up any presence we made in the house and his car . I 'll wipe down everything and be right back . " Terry watched her take the duffle off and set it on the back seat . Jessica reached into the duffle and grabbed a spray bottle and a towel . " Bleach , " she said . She went back up the alley and into the house . Terry closed his eyes and tried to figure out what had just happened . One minute he was waiting to die , the next minute he 'd stabbed Amos with the knife he 'd hidden in his enhancements . Now he was sitting on the leather seat of a fancy SUV . As the tears ran down his face , he smiled . He was safe , thanks to this stranger named Jessica . She returned five minutes later . She checked to see he was okay and started the Land Rover . " My name is Jessica Jade and I 'm taking you home . We have a two - hour drive . I 've going to make a phone call and I want you to sit quietly , okay ? " Terry nodded . He then listened while Jessica pulled out a flip - phone and called 9 - 1 - 1 . " Hello , Police . I 'm walking my dog at 43rd and Landis . I hear a lot of screaming and shouting coming from 4316 . I think someone 's been hurt . Please hurry . " She turned and smiled at Terry as she wiped the phone off , then threw it out the window as they crossed the bridge out of town . " There . That takes care of that . Are you hungry ? " Checking her rear - view mirror , Jessica pulled over on the causeway shoulder . The engine motor and the tires on the gravel were the only noise for miles . She turned off the headlights . They were all alone . " How about right here by the car ? Will that do ? " Terry nodded . He climbed out . He pulled down his leggings and underpants . He reached inside his latex vagina and pulled out his penis , squatted , and peed . He realized he looked like a girl peeing but he didn 't care . His bladder was full and it was a simple act . He didn 't care what anyone thought . He was emotionally exhausted . Getting back in the car , he wrapped himself tightly in the blanket . " Thank you . Thank you for everything . I thought I was going to die back there . " Jessica turned , nodded , and smiled . She put the car in gear and headed back towards the parkway . She turned the lights back on and accelerated . " A lot of people back in Allentown are waiting for you to appear . They care an awful lot about you . " Terry had a chance to study his rescuer in the dash lights . She was tall . She had long dark hair pulled back in a single braid . It didn 't appear that she was wearing any makeup . She had a silver stud in each ear . She sat straight , eyes forward , occasionally checking her mirrors as they cruised along the highway . Her lean body appeared strong , her manner confident and in control . Terry started talking . " I don 't know what happened . I was getting a ride into Philly . I was going to see my counsellor , Grace Goldman . The next thing I know , Amos pointed a gun at me . I was restrained and then driven all over South Jersey . Amos screamed and shouted all afternoon like he 'd lost his mind . " Terry 's teeth started to chatter and he pulled the blanket tighter . He couldn 't hold the cold pack any longer , setting the towel and ice pack on the floor . " I 'm sure he would have killed me when he found out that Tasha wasn 't real . Then I realized he was going to kill me regardless of anything I did . I was sure I was going to die . " Jade glanced at him . She smiled . " It 's over , Terry . It 's over . He can 't hurt you . He 's far , far away . He 'll be held by the police for questioning . They 'll check him into the hospital . He might need more than stitches . I don 't know . Then , his doctor gets him back on his medications and calms him down . But , he 's not getting out . My Taser records audio and video . We 've got him threatening to kill you . Don 't worry about him anymore . " " How can you be sure ? " Jessica Jade looked him in the eyes . " No , you won 't . You handled this the best way you could . You had the steak knife . You struck him at the perfect time . And your target was the best one . It was not a life - threatening wound , but one that will scar him for life . " Terry woke up when they turned into the neighborhood . It was late at night but the Nelson house was all lit up . As Jessica parked her truck and helped Terry walk up the driveway , the door opened and he saw his mom and all his friends pour out the front door . He was hugged and embraced and kissed . He felt good . He momentarily forgot the day and melted into everyone 's loving arms . When he turned around to thank Jessica , he realized she was missing from the crowd . And her Land Rover Discovery wasn 't at the curb . There was no sign of the dark SUV . Conor whispered in his ear . " She 's gone for now , but she 'll be back to check on you tomorrow when it 's quiet . She promised . You 're under her protection now . Don 't worry . " It was late and after a short time , Amy insisted that everyone go home and get some rest . She told the crowd that Terry needed to sleep and she and Conor would watch over him . Bruno had been on the phone with his parents and Amos 's doctor . Amos had been taken to the Emergency Center in Atlantic City . He 'd remain under guard until he was released to his doctor 's care . The institution had been contacted . Once he 'd recovered from the surgery to try to repair the steak knife 's damage , he 'd be locked up . When Terry awoke he was still in yesterday 's clothes . He was under the covers in the darkened room . The clock said 6 : 00 . He 'd slept through the night . He got up to pee . As he passed the mirror , he looked at his face . His jaw line was bruised and he had a black eye . His head and face ached , but he didn 't feel like he had a concussion or any permanent damage . He turned on the shower as he took all his clothes off . As he inspected his body in the mirror , he noticed that his left breast form had a deep knife cut into it . He smiled . They were good for something after all . He stepped into the shower remembering to start out with cream rinse . It was a new day and he was looking forward to playing at The Rendezvous tonight . It was their last weekend and he was looking forward to every minute . As he scrubbed , a new tune ran through his mind . He hummed as he searched for a lyric . The warm water soothed his body and he relaxed . The tears washed down his face . If you liked this post , you can leave a comment and / or a kudos ! Click the Thumbs Up ! button below to leave the author a kudos : up277 users have voted . And please , remember to comment , too ! Thanks . This story is 5580 words long . Printer - friendly versionLog in or register to post comments Another great chapter to a great story . I wasn 't expecting the little bit of action but I liked it . Especially because its been so long since I 've written a good action scene lol . I can 't help but wonder if Jade has her own story out there waiting to be told ? Terry crying in the shower seems very familiar - it 's always been the place that I can simply let go , simply let it all out . I think it started while I was in the service ; as an officer , I had a private shower , so no one could see or hear me crying . I did get razzed a little about taking long showers , but it 's kind of hard to wash yourself when your huddled up on the floor of the shower with your knees pulled to your chest and bawling your eyes out . I have of course never been in a situation like Terry was in this chapter , but based on what I know and have been taught , he / she did pretty much exactly what he / she should have done . Plus , I have been attacked with a knife before , and I certainly wouldn 't want to be Amos ! I was lucky enough to have been trained in how to fight with a knife - or against one , and I also was prepared for my attacker . I did what I was instructed and sacrificed a minor wound to block the knife , and then finished my opponent . Yeah , I took four stitches to my left hand , but that healed quickly . Oh , in case your wondering , I was in a little bar in South Carolina and stepped in to break up a bar fight between a couple of Army grunts and some locals ; one of the locals pulled the knife on me . He was still out cold when the cops and the SP 's showed up - it 's amazing how effective a few hits to right place can be , lol . Besides the stitches , the only annoying thing about it was the time I had to spend reporting the incident to the police , to the SP 's , and to my command structure . Luckily , the bar owner had video ( seems this hadn 't been his first problem ) which pretty much cleared me of any issues . I haven 't commented up til now cause I 've just binge read the first 21 chapters ! Now that I 've caught up , it 's hard to imagine this all has happened in just a month 's time frame ! It 's so amazing how everyone rallied together to get Tasha back safely ! I 'm sensing Jessica 's going to be around a while providing security ? ( Hopefully ) . Leslie & Dawn , wonderful story , keep ' em comin ' ! Loving Hugs Talia Thanks for the compliment and taking the time to write . This has been a fun ride for me and I 've been lucky enough to find three wonderful people to help me get it done . Dee , Eric , and Dawn have all worked hard to make this possible . Small mericals 1 . That Jessica got there before they did & hid in the perfect spot . 2 that Tasha had the for thought to try & excape 3 . When excape wasn 't possible the knife did what it needed to . Now Tasha is home safe & sound and bow a new song in her head no lyrics just the tune . I think she will need Grace TWICE a week for a while as PTSD is a likely hood in this case unfortunately . With Jessica Jade on her side though NOTHING will happen to poor sweet Tashia . Perfect in so many ways . " . . . plunged the knife into Amos 's naked body striking him in the groin area . Amos was still impaled on the knife , his falling forward and convulsing INCREASING the impact and the damage . " I just wish they could dump a cup of salt into his penis wound ! Very relieved that Tasha is safe . Will this trauma cause Terry to not want to be Tasha anymore ? I 'm exhausted & relieved . Whew ! What an episode . Thanx . . . . didn 't have time to use any drugs on Tasha , and I 'm glad you didn 't write her as a passive damsel in distress . Thanks . ( Terry 's O . K . , too . ) Between the hormones taking effect for the first time ( male hadn 't started yet ) , and the very likely PTSD , Grace is going to have a lot of work on her hands . The band outfits could draw a lot of attention from guys that 'll give Tasha similar reactions to Amos . It 's likely even if he remains incarcerated and institutionalized that she 's not getting Amos out of her system for a long time . Until 22 came out and I could peek at the ending before I could finish episode 21 . It was worth the wait . I 'm glad you 're posing at both sites . Terry / Tasha 's dropped off and Terry 's welcomed home . Does this mean more know Terry 's identity ? Though anxious to be back to the Rendezvous , it shouldn 't mean he 's back to normal . A very good story continues to unfold . |
This is how all of Gideon 's pants fit him . We had to put Bria 's old size 2 leggings on him today in hopes they would stay up . Even then they were about an inch too big . Gideon also loves to throw things over the stair rail . If we are missing something the first place we look is in the landing . I 'll give Pierce the out . He took over at home during the days while we were gone . He did a fantastic job . Today he said he made a terrible homemaker because he couldn 't seem to keep the house clean . I know exactly what he meant and Gideon was not even there . I am just glad the he is doing online school this year . Tyler and Jessica came to visit on Sunday . They had to drive more than an hour to get to the hospital . The part that surprised me the most is that Jessica 's parents were in from Kentucky for Jessica and her brother and sister - in - laws college graduations and they took that time to come visit too . We love the Rhanquists They are really great people . He will start to hurt and want Mom to hold him for a while but he is up and playing in no time . Before surgery he could play for 5 minutes or so and then have to lay down . Now there are not many limitations . It was Bria ! She is doing so well . Since coming home from China we have seen Bria reach out for love and attachment . Tonight she told Mom " I love you soooo much " more than once . Amazingly , Gideon was released from the hospital this afternoon . There was a possibility of being released Sunday but the Cardiologist on the floor wanted to get another Echo done to be sure the surgery was holding up well . While we waited for the Echo Gideon went into VTach twice . I 'm not sure what it stands for but it is when the heart starts to beat very fast . This was not a good thing and worried me considerably . Another Cardiologist that specializes in the electrical system looked things over . The information that she came back with was yet , one more surprise . Gideon has two right Atria , the top of the heart . Not a right and left but two right , one on the right and one on the left . Why I didn 't suspect this after finding out he has two right lungs I don 't know . We also found out that Gideon 's spleens , yes multiple , are working . Yeahhh ! No antibiotics for life . This Heterotaxy is a very weird disorder . As I talked with the care professionals at the hospital I realized more and more what a miracle Gideon is and how unusual his recovery is . I am in awe that we went from not being able to do anything for Gideon . To there may possibly be something that can be done . Then Gideon will most likely not survive the Heart Cath so how do you want to handle resuscitation ? To surgery in the next week or two . Surgery in the morning and recovery will take 2 - 3 weeks . To being home 5 days later . What a miracle we have been honored to be a part of . I was reflecting on this today and wished that we could stay as close to the Lord as we have been this week but I know that is not what this life is all about . There must be opposition . It is because of the opposition we have had that we understood the great blessing we have experienced this week . The Lord has been near and we have felt His peace that passeth all understanding . How did we have great peace as we talked with the surgeon ? Or peace and a feeling of being in a holy place calming our son as we do his first Echo . Peace and gratitude for a doctor that was excited to help at the same time as giving us news that should have been devastating . Or have peace when we decide that we would send Gideon into the Heart Cath knowing we may never see him again but with all our hearts wanted to grab him and run so we could have even a few weeks more . How did we have peace as we were in the Cardiac ICU being surrounded by children fighting for their lives and parents filled with fear and sorrow . The angels are near and the Lord loves us . He has felt all our pains and sorrows and is always there to succor us . My love and testimony of our Father in Heaven and our brother and Savior Jesus Christ have for us has been deepend greatly . Would I do this again ? YES YES YES ! ! I love my Gideon . Through him I have learned so much and will be ever grateful for my time with him . We don 't know what the future holds . There are many unknowns with Gideon 's health . We were told today that we may have 10 years with Gideon the way he is . Technology is always moving forward . We don 't know what the Lord has in store but we will take all that he has to give . I have thought about the story of Jarius 's daughter in the New Testament quite a bit in my life . She was to be a miracle for the Lord . I have prayed that I too could be His miracle . Whatever that miracle looks like . We are willing to put our Gideon on the alter and hope and pray that we can be strong like Abraham . When the day comes that Gideon passes from this life we want to be grateful for the blessing of Gideon and never question the ways of God . This will be a daily prayer for me for the rest of my life . Gideon is out of ICU 48 hours after surgery . Another amazingly quick step in his progress . The ICU nurse didn 't want to let him go because she loved him so much . Yeah - I 'd cry to if I had to just lay there with stuff all connected to me for 4 days . He had much more of the smiles on the right than the other on the left . . . His last meal in ICU . Just before the final disconnections . There was about 1 1 / 2 feet of that larger drain tube inside him . That was not fun for him while it was being pulled out . Showing off his strength so he can get out of ICU . This was Saturday about 11 : 00 AM . Today Gideon has made such great progress that the doctors and nurses are excited and astonished . Gideon has had many of his tubes and wires taken out today . He is now on 2 medicines , Tylenol and a narcotic for pain . That is it ! He will be getting his drain tubes out in the morning as well as a couple of wires connected to his heart . These wires are connected to the heart and come out the lower chest to be connected to a portable pace maker if Gideon 's heart went into arrhythmia . By late morning Gideon was asking for water again . The doctor had said that as soon as he woke up a little he could have any amount of liquid he could tolerate . Gideon proceeded to drink over 16 ounces in an hour . He was then supposed to eat some fat to make sure his heart didn 't act up afterword . We ordered up 2 orders of fries and as soon as the fries were even near Gideon he started shoving them down . He ate every fry ! No one could believe it . While Gideon was eating his fries the surgeon came to check up . He was very impressed with the progress and this is when he started ordering less medicine and IV 's . Another doctor came in to check up and he anticipates that Gideon will be out not too long after the weekend . We had been told that the average stay is 3 weeks and on the good side 2 . This might be one week if all holds up . I have been afraid this week that the bonding process would be hindered by the negatives of surgery . Gideon was mad at me at times but others so out of it that he didn 't protest to the stroking and closeness . My favorite position was leaning over him with my hands on his head and heart while singing primary songs to him . He reacts so well to my singing to him . I have yet to have him so upset that he does not calm down before the first verse of " I Am A Child Of God " is over and we went through some tough moments of pain and frustration . Thought I liked this position it caused some great back and neck pain . I also found some muscles that have not been used enough lately . All of this sacrifice has been worth it . Tonight Gideon wanted me to cuddle up to him and kiss him . One time he said I love you to me . And to top all of these wonderful moments off , as I was leaving he said what I think means hug and held out his arms wide . I gave him a big hug and he was satisfied enough to wave good bye . Needless to say , today was a fantastic day ! I didn 't start too well with not much sleep and a nurse that very caustic to me . That will have to wait for another day if I choose to write it . My eyes are closing without my consent so I guess that means my body wants to go to bed and I am sleeping in . Doug gets duty for the morning and I get the afternoon and night . Posted by As Deanne mentioned in the update from the waiting room , Gideon did great during surgery . His heart was taken out , some plumbing was re - routed and it was put back in . All in about 3 hours . What an amazing miracle . And to facilitate that miracle , as a partner with God , is a deeply religious , sober man who has an incredible understanding of his responsibility to save and extend life . I want to share some thoughts about the surgeon , Dr . Kaza . He has a rich brown complexion giving away his ancestral connection to India . Large , dark brown eyes that are bright with knowledge and wisdom , but seek for further enlightenment at the same time . His physical stature is far from intimidating . His hands are small , narrow and soft - the perfect tools for the delicate operations he performs on the smallest of God 's children . One of the signs of one who possesses great understanding , is the ability to explain complex things in terms that the lay person can understand . Dr . Kaza has that ability . After 2 or 3 cardiologists explained the options and the proposed procedure to us , we understood pretty well what was going to happen . When Dr . Kaza explained it , he added 10 times more detail , but we understood it even more clearly . As a devout and practicing Hindu , he is open about his belief in God . He attends and teaches Sunday school at the Hindu temple around the corner from the LDS Jordan River temple in South Jordan . ( He lightheartedly expressed his disappointment that his temple is dwarfed by the " other " temple he sees as he walks out the door of his temple . ) During his description of Gideon 's condition , he included phrases that gave us great peace and illuminated his acknowledgement that God is in charge . One such phrase came when he described the Pulmonary Stenosis that Gideon was " blessed with " . This is a narrowing of the artery carrying blood from the right ventricle to the pulmonary artery and eventually the lungs . He said , " God gave him this to save his life " . Then he explained that if that artery had been perfect , the lungs I don 't intend to put Dr . Kaza on a pedestal he himself would not want to be on . He is an impressive and obviously an accomplished man , but when you put the life of one of your children in the hands of a man , it is vital to know of his core beliefs . Wisdom , science , skill and talent are wonderful , but it gives us an added measure of peace to have a doctor who acknowledges the Creator of all life and brings Him into the experience . A few minutes after we saw Gideon for the first time after surgery . We were prepared for something a lot worse than what we saw . The surgeon , Dr . Kaza , wanted us to see what a post - op baby looked like so he had the nurse take us to see another baby yesterday . That baby had more tubes and was pretty puffy . Gideon looked great . Notice the IV in the neck - ouch ! What I call " The tree of life " . This is a rack of medicine " dispensers " pushing an array of drugs into the myriad tubes hooked up to Gideon at various locations in his body . ( I always wanted to use that word " myriad " and sound really cool . Is it just me , or is it hard to resist putting the word " of " after it ? ) Our " Mighty Warrior " with his first battle scar . The thing on his right arm is called a NO - NO . At least that is what the nurses called it . It keeps his arm straight making it awfully difficult to pull on the tubes . Gideon is doing well . They are done with surgery and bypass is off ! He is still alive and will hopefully live to see many more days . : ) They are in the process of sewing him up then will come and talk with us . We do know that he did not require his valve to be fixed so things were the least invasive of our options . We are so grateful for the outcome so far . We have felt a sense of peace today and God has given us some support and distractions . Doug 's sister came to see us and brought some food , music and a book . She was very inspired as to what to bring . While she was here I saw some friends come into the waiting room while waiting for their son to get hernia surgery . We were able to talk with them for a while and only a few minutes after Doug 's sister left another friend sought us out to talk . This friend has also adopted many special needs kids and surprisingly he was in the Cardiac waiting room last night because his daughter was admitted for some problems . What a blessing to have all this support and the ability to keep our minds busy so we have no room for doubt . Doug and I have both been filled with emotions of gratitude this week . There is so much to be thankful for . Even when we didn 't know if Gideon would be a candidate for surgery or when we didn 't know if he would live or die we can not forget the many blessing we have received and continue to receive . This has been a sacred experience that we will never forget . There is much questions still surrounding Gideon and many more difficult days but if we allow the Lord to continue with us we will be greatly blessed . We may not remember the details but we will always remember the feelings . Yesterday and today have been full of ups and downs . I will cut and paste a copy of an email Doug sent out to family yesterday then go from there . I have not been able to blog everyday because Doug and I trade off who stays overnight at the hospital with Gideon and Doug doesn 't think about blogging . Sorry . into arrhythmia 4 times to the point they had to shock him out of it . A normal heart can take the stimulation of a catheter just fine , but damaged hearts don 't always . The reaction he had shows how close he has they got that adjusted . I tried to send photos with this email , but I am at the hospital and the connection speed is awful . I will send them a bit later Last night they also did an ultrasound to see what is going on with his organs . Everything is there but some are in the wrong place as expected but that 's no big deal . Gideon has what is called Spleenia , I think that is what Doug told me . Gideon has multiple small spleens that most likely don 't function well so he will be on antibiotics for life . Not a problem . After the MRI and a meeting with the surgeons and cardiologists a decision was made . Throughout the day we waited for solid info . One doctor told us that we would not be doing surgery until next week or later and that Gideon would need to stay in the hospital until then . I knew that was not an option . My kids are starting to come apart at the seams emotionally . One had a screaming nightmare last night that mom was gone and would not come home . Another is not himself and constantly cries for mom . And yet another punched a kid as school today . We could not stay in the hospital any longer than necessary . We tried to sway them and let us take Gideon home while we wait explaining that he has survived for 2 years like this . I think that put more fire under the doctors . About an hour later someone walked up and with great surprise said " surgery is tomorrow " . I had three emotions . Excitement , scared and disappointed that I wasn 't going home . I didn 't know how to feel so I just cried . I have been doing a lot of that ! I don 't even wear makeup anymore . What the doctors came up with is now a two part fix . Gideon will have one surgery called a " Glenn " with the possibility of fixing his one valve so it won 't leak . The Glenn is a procedure that reroutes veins and arteries to bypass the heart and cause the blood to flow directly into the lungs . The blood will then go into the heart and be pumped out to the body . The next stage may take place in a couple of years as he shows signs of needing it . The basic heart structure will stay the same without 3 valves or the separation of the chambers . After the second surgery all of the blue or non oxygenated blood will go directly to the lungs and the heart will be strictly a pump to get the blood back into the body . Gideon has been very anxious . He is supposed to be sedated but the meds have not been working . He is now on his third medicine and he has slept well since . Last night he thrashed around most of the night and today half of the day was the same . It took two of us at times to keep him from moving around so much to pull out the oxygen tubes and IV 's . Gideon is one strong little boy ! I am so sore from leaning over the bed for hours at a time and holding him down will great force . All Gideon wanted was to go home and have us hold him . It was hard to see him go through this . I know we have much more to come . I have been told that our joys will be as deep as our sorrows . Gideon has brought great joy already but the sorrow out weighs the balance for now . I am so hopeful that we will find that joy in this life with Gideon . Doug and I had a conversation as I left the hospital tonight . We both confirmed that even knowing now the pain involved we would still make the same decision to adopt Gideon . He is a great blessing in many ways . He brings light and love to those he meets . Everyone that has the opportunity to work with him at the hospital love him . They all ask to come back and serve him on the next shift . One CNA came by to visit and play even though she was assigned somewhere else . He draws people in without meaning to . Our Gideon is a light to this world and we are honored to be called his parents . P . S . Please excuse me if I don 't make much sense . If I need to clarify something just comment and I will clear it up . Today was Gideon 's Echo . Just as I thought , as soon as a medical professional that could do something saw him he would be in the hospital . I was not surprised , but sadly unprepared , when the doctor said they were going to admit Gideon . We spent the day in the hospital to monitor his heart and get some other things done in possible preparation for surgery . It all started at 6 : 30 am when Gideon and I had to leave for the hospital for the Echo . Doug got all the kids off to school and met us at the hospital . I think we have mentioned that Gideon hates the doctors . It was no different this morning . We got to the room and he cried hard . They were going to sedate Gideon for the Echo so they could get pictures without him crying but when they got his oxygen saturation level they quickly decided that sedation was not an option . He has been in the low 70 's when healthy is in the 90 's . Gideon 's levels this morning were in the 50 's . NOT GOOD . We got into the room for the echo and the technician and I decided I should lay down with him . He was hysterical and we needed to calm him down . I began to sing and by the time I got to the last verse of " I Am A Child Of God " he was fast asleep . It was a true blessing . Doug got there when we were almost done . The technician had to change Gideon 's position and that woke him up . She still needed to get picture of the top of his heart but he was now crying again . Doug sat in front of him and held his hands while I lay behind him and I sang again . In time Gideon calmed down and the feeling in that little room felt like a sacred spot on earth . There is no describing what we experienced . We received a great blessing that would be needed for what was to come . We were moved to another exam room and talked with the Cardiologist and the Fellow with him . We have been fully aware of the severity of Gideon 's heart . The doctors were concerned that they would have to say , congratulations and his heat is very complex . We put them at ease immediately letting them know that this would not be a surprise . Next came the real surprise . Gideon has Heterotaxy , a very rare defect that can affect all of his organs . What this means is that it is most likely that his organs are in the wrong positions and he may be missing a spleen . They think also that he has two right lungs instead of a right and left . From what they felt his liver is on the wrong side . Hearing the news was not bad but that moment is when reality set in . I was filled with sadness for him and had to stop the tears . This is where I needed the peace that had been enjoyed just a few minutes earlier . At this point we were told that they would admit and do more testing along with a heart cath . After getting to the room the doctors on the floor , who call the shots once the patient is admitted , decided to postpone more tests until Gideon was put under for the heart cath . They didn 't want to cause him to have what they call a spell and we have called an episode because his numbers were so low . This is the same reason that in 3 weeks this little guy has only had two baths . He hates them as much as the doctors office . After the Cathaterization they will draw blood for many tests and do an ultrasound on his abdomen to see if he has a spleen . It is likely that Gideon does not . If that is the case he will be on antibiotics the rest of his life along with all the heart meds . Wednesday morning the surgeons and cardiologists will meet to discuss the possibility of operating . When that meeting is over we will know more . They talked about possibly operating a couple of days later . I think as soon as Gideon has a bad day they will make the surgery an emergency but until then they want to make sure the surgeon 's are well rested . I have to agree with them . Now about what they said about his heart . Heart disease can be minor to the point that it heals itself to complicated like Gideon . Wow , I didn 't realized my son was a way to measure how complicated a heart can get . I would love to say basically , blah , blah , blah , but there is no basically here . I followed the explanation fairly well but to repeat what we were told is too hard for this tired brain . What I can easily say is that he is missing a valve , where there should be 4 he has 2 1 / 2 . His main arteries are backwards . The blood flowing into the heart is going into two places not just the one it 's supposed to go into . There is not divider between the lower chambers and some other things . The one good thing is , his main artery looks fairly good just a little small . If that were not the case there would be no hop . When the doctor got done explaining everything thinking we would be having a hard time with this . He then gave us a glimmer of hope . He is hopeful that they may be able to operate and do it all in one shot . There would be no way to go in and fix parts then later do more . If they do one thing they will have to do it all . Through the day I have had faith that what the Lord wants will take place and we will be prepared for it . By the time I left Doug at the hospital and was on my way home I started to wonder how we will juggle all the responsibilities of home and fill the needs of the kids that need us so badly right now . Once again my faith will be stretched and I will have to rely on our Father to care for and nurture the children while I am away most of the time . This has gone on long enough but I need to let some people know that I have noticed them and would love to email but I just can 't right now . If you contacted me in China I truly appreciate it . I planned to respond when home but jet lag , the flue and putting my home and life back together along with the normal responsibilities of life didn 't permit me the time . I am so sorry . We got into the doctor this morning . The doctor I went to was a referral from the cardiology group at Primary Children 's Hospital . They like this doctor because he works well with the heart doctors and knows what he is doing . I am so glad that I found him . He was knowledgeable and even in his temperament . He looked Gideon over and was happy to see how healthy he really is especially for having heart issues . Because the doctor has other heart children he didn 't get overly concerned and put Gideon in the hospital but felt that Gideon needed that down time . It was a relief that Gideon has more time to adjust and get used to all the new things around him . It is obvious that Gideon has been to doctors in the past . All we have to do is take him near a place that looks like a doctors office and he screams . He cried very hard for most of the visit but allowed us to do everything that was asked . He is tall for his age but very lean , as the doctor put it . Gideon is at the top of the growth chart for height but almost at the bottom for his weight and head size . His blood pressure is in the higher of the normal range which is very good . His oxygen level was in the mid 60 's . A healthy person is in the mid 90 's . Doug asked about brain damage with oxygen at such a low level . It is an issue but the doctor said that anemia causes more problems than the low oxygen . That is a relief for us but it does need to be helped as soon as we can . We have already gotten an appointment with the cardiologist for Monday morning . We are scheduled for an Echo on Gideon 's heart then we will talk to the doctor . I don 't know who this doctor is but when I questioned the secretary about him she let me know that he is one of the head doctors at Primaries and very good at what he does . That made me feel better . Our Pediatrician was also going to try and get the best doctor so I don 't think he would have allowed just anyone to see Gideon . We now start the juggle of getting children where they need to be while I am at doctors appointments . The kids go off track in 3 weeks so that will help for a short time but in June the whole school will be transferred to another school facility while they undergo renovations . The temporary school is a ways away but still close enough for them to walk if we absolutely have to . It 's amazing how the Lord works all things out for our good . This won 't be easy but it will be doable . Gideon is doing better today emotionally and physically . He is up and around getting into EVERYTHING . I don 't think I will have a clean house for at least 2 years . Gideon is a tornado . He is very much a two year old throwing , hitting , pulling hair , stealing food out of Preston 's hands and all sorts of things . I had to start sitting him next to me when he is mean then teaching him to give the person a hug that he hurt . He has done well with me today but still wants dad and his older brothers . He will allow me to take him out of the kids arms with some resistance but he isn 't hitting me away . Last night Doug and I decided that we would wait two or three days to take Gideon to the doctor knowing that as soon as he was seen he could be admitted to the hospital . We wanted to give him a chance to rest and recover from the trip as well as adjust just a little to his new surroundings . After Gideon being asleep for 14 hours I started to get a little concerned but that was wondering if he would sleep tonight . Soon after Gideon woke up in a panic from his heart . He has never woken up with that problem since we have had him . He usually goes to sleep when his heart calms and rests it off . At about 16 hours of sleeping I decided I better try and wake him up but was still not too concerned about his heart only changing his sleeping pattern . I took Gideon out to the family room and tried to get him to wake up without much luck . My brother and sister - in - law came over and I continued to try to get Gideon awake . I thought that the noise his cousins and brother and sister were making would do the trick . Not so . I tried changing him and that is when I noticed things weren 't quite right . When I forced him to wake he turned a gray color and his hands , feet and mouth turned purple . I had not seen this coloring before . For the next couple of hours he went in and out of wakefulness without even fussing . That is not good for him . When I put my hand on his chest and he didn 't swat it away I knew things were very wrong . I was formulating how and when Doug and I would take Gideon to the Emergency Room . You need to know I don 't got to the doctors easily . I only use them when it is necessary so for me to be thinking this it meant Gideon was very bad off . I planned on picking up the children from school in 45 minutes then meeting Doug on the way to the hospital . I didn 't express my grave concern as Devin , my brother , stroked Gideon 's head and face . Gideon doesn 't let us do this to him . After a time Devin looked up and there were tears . That started it for me , I too let the tears flow . All of us could tell there was something very wrong and Heather is a nurse . Devin asked if he could give Gideon a blessing . I was very grateful for his offer . In our church the men are given the Priesthood . It is the power to act in God 's name . A man needs to be worthy of this power by keeping himself clean morally and close to the Spirit . With the Priesthood he is given the privileged to bless others . This is what my brother did for Gideon . During the blessing Gideon fell back to sleep and his color went back to his normal , not our normal but Gideon 's . He slept for a while more then woke up doing fairly well . He wanted to eat for the first time today and drank quite a bit of water . From there he went in and out of the normal heart struggle . When Doug got home we chose to call the regular doctor in the morning to get Gideon in for a sick child visit and then get a referral for the Cardiologist . In that circumstance we can have more control over seeing a specific doctor instead of the emergency room staff . I don 't just want the ER doctor or the on call Cardiologist . Heather is thinking that as soon as someone sees Gideon he will be admitted because of his coloring . People don 't see children this age turning blue , purple and gray . In the states these things are taken care of at a very young age . We have no idea what to expect tomorrow . I know to a small degree what is coming but as we have learned , until you live something you just can 't understand how hard it will be . We are changing the school most of the kids are in to make things easier next year . If Gideon is in and out of the hospital then I will need the kids to walk to and from school . It 's a good thing the principal changed this year because we tried the school once and pulled them out as soon as we could . We also have an in with the Superintendent . She will help us with whatever we need to have happen if it is reasonable . We haven 't pulled this on the school yet but I may have to soon so all my children are on the same schedule . Emma being Downs attends a special class that is on a different yearly schedule than what we have been given for the last 5 years . We have the track system in our district so there are 5 different schedules for the schools . It is now 11 : 20 PM and Gideon is wide awake . He is getting into anything he can and putting pens and pencils in the dog kennel . He just grabbed a handful of pens and turned to me and said , " See " then to Doug , " See Baba ? " He is already using English . Friday was spent packing , changing money and taking care of a sick little boy . Gideon was having a lot of trouble again that day . We got very concerned about putting him on an airplane that evening to go to Beijing where we would stay overnight and catch our next plane at 8 : 30 am for Seattle . We prayed much and so did many of you . We thank you for that . Miracles do happen and Gideon was a recipient of one this weekend . Not too long before our Beijing flight Gideon started doing better . From that time on he had no more problems . In the two weeks that we have had Gideon he didn 't go a day without heart issues . Before we got him they were giving him oxygen every morning when he would struggle . We have seen the same pattern of heart and breathing issue every morning as well . We have now gone two days , or one very long one , with no breathing trouble . While on the plane his color looked the best it has been and not once did he get even a little blue . This is truly the work of God . Once we got home we did see a little struggle when he would run around but still no problems after eating . His heart has done very well . We were met at the airport by all the kids and Jared , Sereen , and Preston . Hyrum started running before I even got off the escalator and cried " Mama ! " I hugged Bria next and she resisted . I expected this but it was sad that she couldn 't even look me in the eye . We took care of that throughout the day with lots of hugs and holding . We drove home in the bus and at that time were told that the van 's transmission had gone out . Neither Doug nor I were worried for some reason , maybe it 's because we have been waiting for the van to die . It happens that Sereen doesn 't know the quirks of our van and when it gets low on gas it acts funny . What a blessing that all we needed was gas ! This is what we saw when we walked in the front door . Some friends of ours have decided the take care of our kids like grandparents when we were gone . They came over and helped make this sign with the kids . There were also many other small signs , so many that I didn 't count . Gideon didn 't hold back much once home . He explored and was always in a crowd of kids . He did really well with all the chaos and noise of just being home . Some friends had dropped off some large Lego type blocks . My first thought was " Oh great , one more thing to throw . " A couple hours home and Gideon chucked a block at Marshall and caused a lump and a cut . The poor kids are going to struggle some as Gideon learns . They had to organize games for a large group and entertain the people . They chose to use our kids for this project . They ran out of time so they left a Pinata for later . We did the Pinata today and Gideon took to it as though he had done this before . When the candy started falling out he immediately started picking it up as fast as he could . We also had friend leave Gideon a cake and balloons to welcome him home . Another online friend , I have not met her in person , brought dinner over for the family tonight . With it they brought wonderful desserts and a gift for Gideon . This was his reaction when seeing it . He loved it so much that he had to kiss it ! On a side note . We saw quite a few Africans in Guangzhou . It was pretty neat to see that because from what I was told by an agency that there has been prejudice until very recently . One night Doug had to go out for water . As he was walking down the street a black guy walked up to him and offered him drugs . I guess we now know why some of the Africans are in China . It makes me sad . Posted by Today we had our Consulate appointment . This appointment is to clear all adoption paperwork done by China and start the process to get Gideon his Visa . We had to be in the hotel lobby at 7 : 45 am to go to the Consulate . We were a bit confused because I was sure the appointment was for 10 : 00 am but Doug knew we were to be in the lobby at 7 : 45 to meet our guide . Come to find out our appointment was at 10 : 00 am but the guide didn 't want to have to make two trips that are only 15 minutes to bring 2 families at different times . We were the lucky ones that got to wait without being told . We got to the Consulate and had to wait in a large area that was open to the wind . It was cold and we hadn 't brought Gideon 's coat . We had no idea we would be waiting there so we weren 't prepared . We waited for an hour and a half with no seating . China does not believe in seating . No matter where you go there is no where to sit , even in the hotel lobbies . I 've never seen anything like it . Gideon did good for the first 30 minutes then got very antsy . Doug rode with him up and down the escalator for a while then came back and we waited some more . Finally we were brought up to the area for adoptions and waited another 30 minutes . Our turn came for the swearing in and paperwork . About 10 other families were there with us so it was a good size group . They called up families one after the other . It got to where there were three families left and we were one of them . After being there for over 2 hours we were not surprised that we were the last family called up . All went well at the window . All the paperwork was in order and we were done in a few minutes . We then were able to tell the person thank you that helped us with our expedite . It was nice to see her and let her know of our gratitude for what she did . At the beginning of the consulate appointment an officer gives instruction for the families . Gideon had sat on a chair next to me and Doug was standing next to him . Doug decided to sit down so Gideon was on the edge . We thought nothing of this until there was a loud thud and a scream . I looked over and Gideon had fallen sideways off his chair , hit his head on the corner of a metal piece on the wall and caused the whole room to look over . I jumped up and picked him up . I had no where to go and I knew that Gideon would want Doug . I handed Gideon off and the officer asked if Gideon was OK . I was so embarrassed , humiliated at failing as a mother and worried about Gideon 's head and heart that my response was " I don 't know . " It didn 't come across the way that I meant it and I knew she was worried about offending me . Another mom came over and put her arm around me and said she was sorry . That was all I could take and broke down crying . Now I was even more humiliated . When we asked for our officer that helped us with the expedite I discovered she was the same officer that had asked if Gideon was OK . I had the opportunity to apologize and we both tripped over ourselves as we tried to explain ourselves . I still don 't feel good about my explanation so I will need to email the officer to apologize again . After the consulate we went back to the room and Gideon fell asleep . We waited for 2 and a half hours for him to wake up . Doug finally woke him up , we fed him lunch and left . Because it was raining cats and dogs we went shopping again . We were really hoping to go to White Cloud Mountain and hike but that won 't be happening this trip . Doug keeps saying things like , next time , as though we will be back . Maybe some day . We leave tomorrow for Beijing and then off to Seattle on Saturday morning . I have such mixed emotions about leaving . We have gotten into a groove and I am doing so much better accepting Gideon for what he offers . All of your prayers are being answered . Thank You ! ! I want to go home but I will miss China . Today Gideon has done very well emotionally . He is accepting me more and even asking for me . He allowed me to help him while he was having trouble with his heart . I have fed him most of his food today and he comes to me when he needs something . Tomorrow may be different but he is making progress . It is interesting to watch him reach out emotionally and physically and then quickly pull back . He wants to trust me and allow me to nurture him but he is afraid . The fear is no longer showing itself as anger so much but as fear of attachment . He is also copying us a lot . A few minutes ago Doug burped , if you know him you know he knows how to burp . Gideon started trying to burp and made some funny noises . We all started laughing and Gideon did it again . The more he gets comfortable the cuter he becomes . Some friends predicted that Gideon will be like a rock star when we get home because he is so cute . I think everyone will love him ! ! ! ! Yep , we had a better day . He also asked for me to hold him after being in the front pack with Doug for about 2 hours . These next two pictures are of the dining area for the adoptive families at the Garden Hotel . This is where many of the families stay because of recommendations or the requirements of the agencies . A lot of what goes on in country feels like a racket when in comes to adoption . As families we really don 't have much of a choice so the costs keep going up and the service is going down . I recommend families check out the Ramada Pearl . It is a nice place and very close to where we get medicals and the new consulate when it opens . It 's also cheaper by $ 50 a night . It has been so rainy . The last couple of days it has poured . When it starts raining like that all the fish collect at the base of a tree in the water . I don 't know if they are trying to get out of the rain so they don 't get wet or something . Gideon wanted to sit next to me on the subway . He started talking with this lady next to him . She was so happy and kind . Gideon kept trying to get her watch off and she just smiled and let him . We have a doctor here with us . He has a friend that is a cardiology surgeon . This friend described what is going on and said that it feels like they P . S . Jason and Ressa , Gideon gets so excited when he sees pictures of you on the computer . We won 't let him forget you ! We want to wish you a happy birthday Niya . We are sorry that we aren 't there for you but we are thinking of you . We will celebrate on Sunday OK ? Make sure you have your list of food so I can go shopping when we get home . Posted by Today was a tough day for Gideon , or as many know him , Bergen . I understand that it was posted on the LWB Facebook page that Gideon is on his way home . Yes , Bergen is now Gideon . Well , Gideon woke up with a smile but very soon after started to fuss and get cranky and blue . That 's somewhat normal for him in the mornings so we didn 't get too concerned . As the morning went on he started to wheeze and be out of breath most of the time . We were scheduled for a shopping trip and because these symptoms have been pretty common we didn 't get any more concerned than normal so went went anyway . We were on Shamaian Island for our second stop and while there Gideon went up and down a ramp 3 times . it was maybe 4 feet long . After the third time he sat down on the steps and played for a couple of minutes . He stood up and started to cry a little and all of a sudden he cried out in panic and started to sway . I grabbed him as fast as I could before he fell down ( he falls A LOT ) and handed him to Doug . He has to have Doug when he isn 't doing well . Not really , he has to have Doug all the time . He turned more blue than ever and his whole hands were purple . He was wheezing and couldn 't catch a breath . We got very worried . From then on he never really recovered until late in the evening . By 2 : 00 pm he had three episodes like this . Even after that he still struggled and was not doing well . We had scheduled with another family to go this evening to the area where the Asian Games are played . Just down the street is also an American store with a lot of American food . We are hoping to get some Benadryl for Gideon in hopes of getting him to sleep on the air plane home . If he sleeps he will do better breathing . If any of you know if Benadryl is OK for a heart baby PLEASE let me know ASAP . I won 't give him any meds until I know it 's safe . Back to the story . Because Gideon was doing so bad we chose to cancel the trip and stay in . We fed the fish outside and that seemed to help him some . We then went to Subway and brought it back to our room . Gideon was doing well enough that he ate quite a bit of sandwich and noodles for dinner . He is now sleeping and we pray that he will have a better day tomorrow . As far as bonding with mom , that too was a bad day . I could be no where near him without him telling me to go away . He was back to scratching and hitting me . It is so hard to have a child that needs your help but you can do nothing for them . I just hope that Gideon takes to me soon . Doug won 't be there when we go to most doctor appointments and Gideon will need me when he goes in for surgery and hopefully surgery will be very soon ! Not too many pictures today . The group stopped at this famous statue , at least for adoptive families . Gideon freaked out at the children and wouldn 't even go near . That 's Ok , I didn 't really want another picture at the statue . I know , I 'm a party pooper . Gideon looks good in these pictures . It 's the first time today that he wasn 't blue . It only took a few more minutes and he was blue again . Today we just hung around the hotel most of the day . Doug was able to take advantage of some time to do a few things for work . As we sat around Gideon interacted with me , Mom ! He would sit on the couch next to me , lay his head on my arm or play with me . He did so well . I am surprised at how the day had gone . There was even a time that he wanted mama not baba . Yesterday he made some good progress but I expected him to back track today . Thankfully he only went forward . Gideon hasn 't had a meltdown for a couple of days but today he decided it was time . We met a couple that picked up their son today . We went to check on them and see if they needed anything . Sometimes the new child has such a hard time that you can 't leave the room but on that first day you still don 't have water or food . We got there and their son has done great so far . They were having trouble connecting to the Internet so we offered for them to use our computer to talk with their kids at home . They called a while later and came over . Of course that is when Gideon decided to have his trouble . I had to take him out of the room while they Skyped . I was worried Gideon would have a hard time but Doug needed to help them fix the connection . Gideon and I spent the next 20 minutes riding the escalator up and down , up and down . He only asked for Baba after I told him we were going back . Gideon has started saying some English words . His favorite is " go " . He also is now saying " Good Job " and several other words . He is understanding other things as well . He is so smart . He is also thinking twice when he wants to hit . We don 't get hit more than once or twice in a day now . I haven 't gotten scratched in a couple days either . We are teaching him to throw things in the garbage and not throw everything he sees . He loves the garbage ! Everything goes in it ! We have to take things out now . : ) Gideon is learning fast . I fully expect to see these behaviors come back once home but now he knows they are acceptable so we can deal with them a little easier . I have made some observations with Gideon 's heart . It seems that his lips start to get blue and soon after he gets fussy . Sometimes that fussiness turns into crying and needing to lay down and other times he will start to perk up after a while and we can distract him . He gets his color back about same time he stops fussing . Now , I don 't know if this is what is going on but I am speculating that , like my father , Gideon 's heart acts up and he starts to not feel good . It would make complete sense that he wouldn 't feel good when his heart is acting up . We 'll know better as we watch him more and see the patterns . I 'm just anxious to get him home to see the doctor . One last thing . Thank you everyone for your support ! ! ! The comments and emails have kept me going . It 's easy to know in your mind what is going on but very hard to have your heart follow . This life is full of ups and downs and the more I experience the more I realize I need others . Thank you for being there for me . Some of you that emailed I will get back to you very soon . I just needed a couple of down days . Sorry , this is the last thing . Jason and Ressa made it home safely for those who wanted to know . Gideon eating the fish food . Don 't worry it was just bread . We have been married for 29 great years . We have 20 children with 11 adopted . 9 of our children are biological . 14 live at home , three are married , one is in college and two have passed away . We have children from the US , India and China . 6 of our living children have special needs . Cerebral Palsy , severe heart issues , Down Syndrome , missing fingers and toes with club foot , and an unknown diagnosis . We have been greatly blessed to be trusted to raise our Father 's children . Each one is unique and has their own strengths . We love to be together as a family and support one another . I wouldn 't trade what we have for anything in this world . It truly is " A Wonderful Life " . If you would like to contact us email at dwalker14 @ msn . com |
There is an attack on Josef 's office while he and a couple of buddies are playing poker ; Mick was supposed to be there too but he was working a case . A hired mercenary comes in shooting and then tosses in a couple of military grade incendiary bombs which blows the office up . Josef manages to escape but his two friends don 't . Mick goes to the office building to investigate and see 's Beth there . She had been sent by Mo ( although she had protested and tried to get out of it ) to cover the story . Mick is angered by her camera and leaves . He goes to the hospital after hearing that Morgan is awake and talks to her briefly , but she will not tell him how she is now human . When she falls asleep Mick takes a vial of her blood for analysis . Back at his place he finds Beth waiting for him and they both are sorry for being so upset . Mick asks her in for a drink where they find Josef , alive and safe . Josef is determined to go to his office to get in a fire - proof safe he has . He needs fresh blood and Mick will not let him have freshies at the loft for fear of a further attack . Mick goes to his freezer but wakes up soon only to realize that Josef has gone so Mick heads to Kostan Industries where he finds Josef . That 's where the killer finds them both . After a vicious fight Mick gets the name of the person who hired him , John Whitley in New York . As Mick deals with Martan Josef disappears and Mick knows he is heading to New York . Mick and Beth decide to follow to try to find him . In New York they find John Whitley , a 93 year old Real Estate developer and the person that hired Martan , the killer . John Whitley had lost his 21 year old daughter in 1955 to Charles Fitzgerald ( aka Josef ) and he was determined that Fitzgerald die before he could rest . Next Mick and Beth track Josef down , at a town house on Waverly Place . There he introduces them to Sarah Whitley who is in a coma and has been since 1955 , when he attempted to turn her . She never came out of it and Josef had taken care of her ever since . Martan find them there in another attempt to kill Josef manages to stake him and shoot him but Mick again fights him and finally breaks his neck , thus ending Martan . After removing the stake and bullets ( Josef is a huge baby about it ) Mick and Beth leave to head back to LA . As they walk outside Mick asks Beth to stay in New York a bit longer and go out on the town with him but Beth feels guilty and opts to head home . Next 's weeks Beth 's Diary will not be an episode . It will be an extra chapter to help celebrate the holidays , which the show never did and to welcome Lani home . She 's going to face her first big challenge , so I hope you 'll enjoy that chapter ! I can 't believe that we are so close to the holidays ; normally it is a happy time for me , but this year things are really out of balance and I 'd just like to find a deep hole and jump in , pulling it in after me like that cartoon character I saw when I was a kid . Things are still strained with my mom and that hurts a lot . I want to bridge that gap and I know she does too but so far neither of us is saying anything at all . How do we even go about it I wonder , scaling this wall between us that is growing higher each and every day ? I 'm not really mad so much anymore but what I 'm left with is the aching block of hurt that has settled around my heart . It scares me ; I don 't want to hold myself back from her or anyone else for that matter . I 've picked up the phone a dozen times to call her but then I think about what I want to say and everything becomes blurred and confusing . I wish Lani or Robbie were here ; they are sort of the mirrors into my soul and heart and perhaps they would have something useful to say . Robbie is in Hawaii , in preparation for whale season that will begin in a couple of months . They are really busy and when we do have a few minutes to talk , well , there really isn 't enough time to go into all of it . I had hoped she would be home for Christmas this year but that is now impossible . Lani is getting ready to come home though ; she 'll be here in a week and I will talk to her then , providing things haven 't improved by then . Josh and I still together , technically that is . He seems distant and watchful , although of what I 'm not sure . We 're trying to keep things normal between us , both of us but sometimes the tension is so thick you can cut it with a knife . I feel guilty every time I look at him and I hate that feeling . I haven 't made my mind up about what to do , about him and Mick I mean . I care for them both but what is right for me ? Josh is steady and so loving and caring ; things I always wanted in a relationship . The problem is , it is just not enough for me . I don 't want to think that I am one of those women who craves a bad boy or the constant adrenaline rush of excitement but I 'm beginning to wonder about myself . How can I pass up the lovely life that I would have with Josh ? Will I pass it up ? Certainly with Mick there are no guarantees at all . I still believe that he only sees me as the child he watched over ; absolutely nothing that has happened between us leads me to believe anything different . Yes , he seemed to like it when I kissed him but he didn 't grab me and kiss me back and then he told me it was all an accident . Yes , he has saved me several times but he kinda had to , you know ? Has he ever given me any indication that he loves me ? Nope , not a single thing . So if I break away from Josh it has to be for me ; because it is the right thing for both of us . If I don 't love him in the right way , it only hurts us both in the long run because Josh deserves somebody who will adore him and appreciate all he has to offer . I 'm beginning to accept that person probably isn 't me . Right now I just want to get through the holidays and hopefully some clarity will come to me . I 'm still amazed that Coraline didn 't tell the police that I stabbed her ; Mick says that she wouldn 't want them involved but I would think that if she wanted to get rid of me that would be her ticket to do so . Mick still has feelings for her ; it was very apparent in the hospital room and that felt like a stake being shoved through my heart . I see her as evil ; a wicked person who nearly took my life . Mick sees that too I think ( otherwise he wouldn 't have tried to kill her when he rescued me ) but he also sees someone that he was married to for 33 years - off and on . I 'm sure ( although I 'm loath to admit it ) that they had good times too , as well as the bad . Josef says that Mick is drawn to her in a sexual way that doesn 't see reason . That may well be ; even though Mick denied it I 'm sure that if I hadn 't almost broke his door down with the news about Morgan being Coraline they might have ventured down that path again . The look on both of their faces told me that . I want to ask him about it , but somehow the words won 't form . The man sat at the table looking at the pictures that were spread out over the marred , wooden surface . He picked up one and stared at it for a moment and took in the smiling face of the man as he looked at something just out of camera view . He was a handsome man ; no denying that . Even in the old black and white picture you could see the charm that oozed from him . He wore a crooked grin as he stared at someone or something . " So when was this one taken ? " he asked as he handed the picture to the woman . " Hm , lemme see . " She stared at it and a quick smile came to her face as the memories came back to her . The man knew she was seeing a different place , a different time . " That was at a lawn party , in the fall of 1951 . It was at my friend 's house in Pasadena ; Kitty and Burke Weldon . Burke was a lawyer and their house was quite grand , " she said , staring off into space again . The man nodded and stood up in preparation to leave . The woman stared up at him as she realized that he was about to go and her faded green eyes started to tear up at the thought . He leaned down and kissed her softly wrinkled cheek . He inhaled and caught a whiff of lavender and talcum powder ; two scents he always associated with her . " I 'll see you soon , okay ? " he told her and watched her nod her head . " Yes , see you , " she murmured as she watched the tall , dark haired man leave . He was a fine figure of a man and quite striking in that fancy suit of his . She felt sad that he was gone but knew he would be back ; he always had more questions and she was the one with the answers . Beth and Mick had a few very intense moments - the first at the Kostan Industries building when Mo sent her to cover the story . Beth didn 't want to but she also knew that Mo was going to send someone and she figured better her than someone who might ask really hard to answer questions . Mick was already at the office and when he realized she had a camera guy with her he grew very angry and left ; hurt that she would do such a thing . It was a catch 22 ; she was damned if she did and damned if she didn 't . After she finished the wrap up on the attack she drove around for a bit and thought about it all . Whoever had killed him must have known he was a vamp because they used incendiary bombs , in other words , fire . It was all such a mess . She regretted hurting and angering Mick , with all her heart . She decided that by doing her job it was the less of two evils , but would he actually see it that way ? She wished she knew . She decided to turn the Prius around and head back downtown , to Mick 's loft and try to talk to him . When she got there she didn 't see the Benz and figured he was still out investigating so she decided to wait for him . She took a seat near the office door and leaned her head back against the wall . The scene at Josef 's office kept creeping back into her head each time it replayed she saw herself as more of a villain . She wondered if this would be the end with Mick ? Would he be able to forgive her ? She didn 't know but she was going to try to explain anyway . After talking to Tom , Josef 's head of security and getting a disk with information about the intruder Mick decided to head home . Not much more he could do tonight ; he needed a little down time . Tomorrow he would see if Ryder England , Josef 's computer guru could shed some light on this guy , hack the military . He considered going to Logan but he didn 't want to drag him into this because the attacker obviously had military connections . Mick still felt a little protective about Logan ; he 'd been a vampire for well over twenty years but in some ways he was still really naïve about life . When he was just about to head home he received a call from the hospital ; Coraline had regained consciousness and he could see her if he liked . He sighed wearily ; so much was happening and he hadn 't had much time to process any of it . Finding out that Morgan was Coraline has completely shocked him and so had his reaction to her . On a gut - wrenching level in fact , but he didn 't want to acknowledge that right now . No matter how much time had elapsed the tug of the sire / fledgling bond roared its preternatural and depraved head with them . His body responded to her even when his mind screamed ' NO ' . He had thought that 23 years would have shaken that feeling ; pushed it out of his head but it wasn 't so . In the old days it had been love and chemistry , that 's what he wanted to believe . He also suspected that Coraline had used a good dose of allure on him , in the beginning anyway . He forgot all about Margie , he walked away from his life , his family for her . And that was before she had turned him . After that , it was all about the blood and sex ; he was a junkie for it . The feelings were insidious and crept into every waking moment . If he wasn 't feeding he wanted to be fucking . Even after he got back from Josef 's it felt like that ; like some kind of all out frenzy , an itch he couldn 't scratch . It left him raw and aching ; always aching and Coraline was the only thing that could scratch that itch and make it go away for a litAt the hospital Mick actually talked to Coraline for a couple of minutes before she fell back asleep . He wanted to know how she did it and all she wanted was him . Standoff . Still , he drew a sample of her blood to have analyzed ; maybe a lab could tell him what was in her blood that had changed her . When Mick pulled into the parking lot at home he saw Beth 's Prius sitting there . He felt relieved and annoyed at the same time . As the elevator carried him up to the top floor he realized the relief part was greater and when he stepped off the elevator and saw her sitting there waiting for him he felt elated . Two people , both trying to hide their feelings stood together and sought to comfort the other , a difficult task . When Mick suggested a drink Beth immediately accepted and they headed inside ; the shock was they weren 't alone . Josef was sitting at Mick 's desk , very much alive and very pissed that someone had tried to kill him . Sam , a computer person at Buzzwire was very helpful and after a search found out who they were looking for ; Ralph Martan , a Darkwatch mercenary . So they knew who , what they didn 't know was why someone was trying to kill Josef . Josef needed to get to his office to get money from the fireproof safe in his office ; as soon as he got it he headed to New York ; he had business to take care of there . After a brutal struggle with Martan at Josef 's office Mick had a name and Beth and Mick planned on following Josef to New York before he did something stupid . Armed with the name of Whitley , they had a starting place at least . As soon as Beth finished packing her bag there was a knock on her door and she answered it expecting to find Mick ; instead she saw Josh standing there , looking grim . It was movie night and she had totally forgotten . He forestalled her apology with " We need to talk . " Beth was stunned ; in one way that was almost amusing . It was so often a woman 's line in a relationship and yet here Josh was , saying it to her . It was the moment of truth , except that there wasn 't time for this moment . He had looked her directly in the eye and asked her to tell him that she didn 't have feelings for Mick . Panic surged in her heart ; she didn 't want to do it like this . They needed time ; time to sit down and talk about things . She opened her mouth to speak and was interrupted by Mick 's knock on her door . She felt rotten ; this was definitely not a case of being saved by the bell . Josh left them , one last look over his shoulder at the woman he loved who was going to New York with another man ; his heart was breaking and he couldn 't do anything except let them go . As Mick and Beth settled into their seats on the plane Josh was still very much on her mind . She didn 't know if she should actually be going with Mick but she couldn 't make herself leave him either . A heavy sigh escaped her lips as she closed her eyes , trying to push all the Josh problems out of the picture for now . Mick observed her surreptitiously out of the corner of his eye . He knew that he had interrupted something at her apartment but he didn 't know what . Josh had been upset and angry when he left . The scents were rolling off of him in waves that threatened to level Mick in fact . Beth 's scent was of pain and something that might have been regret , but he wasn 't sure . She didn 't want to talk about it ; she had even changed the subject when he asked . Other than that she hadn 't said a word that wasn 't necessary . As the flight got under way and the flight attendants came around with beverages Mick got them both a drink ; scotch for him and red wine for Beth . She accepted it gratefully and drank the whole glass down immediately . It seemed to help her relax a bit and she leaned back her seat and let out a long sigh between pursed lips . Mick viewed that as a good sign . " Another ? " he asked . She opened her eyes and smiled at him ; a sad smile but a smile nonetheless . " No , thanks . " She reached for his hand that was resting on the arm rest between them . They were in first class , thanks to Mick and it was so comfortable that Beth was starting to relax . At the touch of her warm fingers closing around his cool ones Mick 's heart leapt a little bit . She squeezed his hand briefly and felt a tingle trail up her arm at the contact . It hit her smack in the gut and traveled downward and she shifted a bit in her seat , suddenly aware of his presence in a way that was uncomfortable . She let his hand go immediately and reached for her now empty glass ; she sat it back down as soon as she realized there was nothing in it . Mick looked at her hand on his and felt the rush of warmth her fingers caused . He could only stare in wonder at the seemingly meaningless touch that meant so much . He sucked in an unnecessary breath and then caught the subtle scent of Beth 's arousal . His groin immediately tightened with desire as he stared before she pulled her hand away as if shocked by electricity . He looked away and ran his hand though his hair which was only a guise so that he could bring his hand close enough for him to smell the sweet smell of Beth . In New York they discovered that Josef was at a town house on Waverly Place after they paid a visit to John Whitley . John was very old and very sick , not long for this earth but he was living for one thing only now , the death of Charles Fitzgerald , aka Josef Kostan . John told a tale of his innocent 21 year old daughter who had been killed by Fitzgerald in 1955 . He provided a diary that detailed his daughter Sarah 's romance with Charles . She knew what he was and didn 't care ; she wanted to be turned so she could be with him forever . Beth and Mick stared at one another as Beth read that out loud and both realized they had to find Josef before Whitley did because they knew that the grizzled old man wouldn 't rest until Josef was dead . At Waverly Place they encountered a servant of Josef 's who told them there was no one there by that name or Charles Fitzgerald either . Eventually Josef came to the door and let them in and led them to a bedroom that had a huge bed in it as well as numerous types of medical equipment . On the bed lay a woman with red hair and a beautiful face . She seemed to be sleeping . When Ralph Martan broke through the bedroom window it didn 't really surprise any of them but he still got a jump on Josef and staked him . Mick had pushed Beth down and told her to stay there and she fully intended to while Mick took care of Martan . She watched with wide eyes as Mick snapped his neck and realized with surprise that she was glad he did it . After Mick had gotten the stake out of Josef and removed the bullets Mick and Beth decided to leave but Josef told them he was staying a bit longer . Beth gave Josef the diary and he took it with hands that trembled only slightly , grateful for the gift . As Mick and Beth walked down the steps of the town house they chatted about Coraline and the cure . " Do you really think it 's a cure ? " she asked Mick . What would this mean if it was ? Would it change things for them ? But did she mean for her and Mick or Mick and Coraline ? She wanted to ask him those questions but somehow couldn 't . " I don 't know . Coraline was a vamp for years and now she is as human as you . Is that a cure ? I don 't know . " Suddenly a thought occurred to him and he said to her , " Hey , let 's go do something fun , something quintessentially New York . " He nodded his understanding but she could see the disappointment written starkly on his face . He helped her into a cab and shut the door and then impulsively laid his hand against the glass . Beth stared up at him and looked at the hand that was pressed against the cold glass window . She raised her hand to his and again she had to fight herself to go back to LA . She realized she was leaving her heart here in New York with a vampire who might not even want it . He gave her a small , sad smile and stepped away from the cab and walked away , not looking back . She was taking his heart with her and she didn 't even know it . He didn 't know what would happen with Josh but it didn 't matter all that much as long as she was happy . Josef sat in the dim light of the bedroom alongside Sarah and read the diary . As he finished the last page he looked at the woman who had loved him enough to give up her family , her very life for him . Memories flooded back to him and he closed his eyes as the pain came back as well . " Sarah , are you sure this is what you want ? You know there is no going back sweetheart . We can 't undo it after it 's done . " He traced a gentle finger down her pert little nose and brushed it softly over her ruby colored lips ; lips that begged to be kissed and Josef was happy to oblige . For a few moments they were both caught up in the breathlessness of the moment . Sarah sighed against his lips and said , " Charles , I love you - totally , completely . I don 't want to go on without you ! " " Sarah , you have me , I 'm not going anywhere I promise . " He touched her under the chin and lifted her small face up so he could look into her eyes . " I will always love you . " " Really Charles ? When I 'm 80 years old and look like some old prune ? How about that eternal love then ? " she demanded , suddenly angry . " I 'll always see you for what you are right now sweetheart . My Sarah , my lovely … " he placed a kiss on the tip of her nose , " beautiful Sarah . " Another kiss along her jaw and then finally back to her luscious lips . Lips that pulled away , still angry with him . She thought that he was only saying all this , that he really didn 't love her and this was just a way to placate her . She stood up and said , " Well , if you won 't do it then I don 't want you in my life . I won 't watch myself grow old with you never aging . I won 't do it Charles . " She stamped her small foot to emphasize her point . He knew he would lose her if he didn 't turn her . The centuries rolled past him ; a panorama of colors and people sweeping past in his brain and the common denominator in all of it was his loneliness . He had waited 350 years to find her ; was he really willing to let her go like this ? Warm tears sprang from his eyes and trickled down cool cheeks . Sarah knew she had won . She sat down on his lap and kissed his tears away ; it was a hard - fought victory , but it was a bittersweet one as well , for both of them . They planned for the event as best they could . Sarah couldn 't tell her parents of course , although she longed to tell her mother . He father detested Charles , but then he hadn 't liked any man that Sarah had dated . The day she said good bye to her mother her father was at his office ; she decided it was better this way . She walked out of the apartment on Fifth Avenue with nothing but her purse so that it wouldn 't look suspicious to anyone . Her mother thought she had an appointment at Elizabeth Arden and didn 't question her as she left the flat . She met Josef around the corner , his limo waiting to take her to his town house . He had made every preparation possible , which almost amused him because in every other instance where he had turned someone there had never been any preparations . Still , he wanted everything perfect for his darling Sarah and so the stage had been set , so to speak . Fresh blood was waiting for her and ample privacy as well as a specially constructed freezer for the two of them . As he held her gently in his arms he sank his fangs into her slender neck and drank her blood , listening carefully for her heart to slow . Her blood warmed him and brought him closer to her ; he could taste he love for him , her desire to join him and when finally the time was right , he fed her his own blood and she drank ; her small red tongue creeping out at first to lick tentatively along his arm and then her mouth latched on and drank until he gently pulled his arm away from her . Now all he had to do was wait for her to open her eyes and come back to him . What had he done wrong ? He had asked himself that question a million times over the years . Everything he did he had done before and it always worked . Year after year he took care of her , hoping that someday science or medicine would find a way to bring her back . He had hired two of the world 's premier doctors to oversee her case but neither one could offer any suggestions . Both were dead now and he hadn 't found any others ; perhaps he should have , but he wondered if there was even a point to it . Beth sat on the plane , waiting for it to take off from JFK . Twice she unbuckled her seat belt and twice she refastened it . What am I doing ? Why aren 't I there with Mick ? She knew why and she also knew that she had to go and face Josh . It was done , she was completely sure of that now . Her heart was with Mick ; the need to be there bodily told the story but she also knew what would happen if she had stayed . She would not go down that path with Mick before ending it with Josh . Did Mick want her like that ? She was now sure that he did . The way he looked at her while she was in the cab had said it all ; they were two people who wanted one another , needed one another and yet what she did was the best thing . She thought about what to say to Josh for the entire flight home . She didn 't want to hurt him any more than was necessary and yet she knew that she would . This had to be about her feelings for him , not about Mick . In her mind she knew that it was ; that she had stopped being in love with him a while ago but she knew he would think it was about Mick . She couldn 't deny her feelings for him , but she had to keep Josh focused on what was wrong with their relationship . It wouldn 't be easy she knew . When she got back to LA she caught a cab home . It was 3 am and she was dead tired . She left her bag in the living room and stumbled towards the bathroom , dropping pieces of clothing as she went . Five minutes in the warm shower and then she poured herself into bed , sleeping for 6 hours straight . She woke up when the phone started ringing . She groaned , thinking it was probably Mo wanting to know if she was back yet . She glanced at the number display and realized it was Josh . " No , he stayed in New York . We uh , found Josef Kostan . He had been in New York the whole time , " she said , knowing it was a lie but it was the story they were going to tell the world . " Um , okay . Well listen , I wanted to tell you that I have to go back to Sacramento today . I 'll probably be gone for a couple more weeks actually . " He listened to the silence on the other end of the phone . " We 're really close to having all the evidence gathered Beth ; we 'll arrest Tejada in January . " NO , her mind screamed . She couldn 't tell him while he was out of town and there wasn 't time now . She sighed in sheer frustration and finally said , " Okay . Well , then I guess I 'll talk to you later . " " Um hm . I 'll call you , okay ? " Beth heard the click on the other end of the phone and knew that he was gone . She lay back down in the bed and felt the tears start to flow . She only wanted to do the right thing and now it was going to have to wait . Finally she sat up in bed ; she had things to do like work on the Josef Kostan story . Hopefully work would keep her busy the next few weeks . And in only a few days Lani would be here and that thought perked her up considerably . It might all be okay she decided . I didn 't realize how far behind I was in this story . . . I had to go back to November to catch up ! Can 't wait to see what happens with Lani . It will be great for Beth to have a freind she can talk vampires with . Beth has so much emotional turmoil in her life with her mom and Clark , Josh , Mick . . . Lani should be able to help her . And . . . it will be good for Lani too ! Hey Joangel ! Wow , you had a bit of reading to do then , although most of December I didn 't post . Lot 's will be happening . There are only 6 more episodes to cover and then we will be back to the story that I want to write . A lot of what you read now is me filling in the cracks for the story . The extra chapter next week will be all mine and will help to start forming the story after the Sonata episode . There is a lot that will happen for our characters and lots of it will be surprising for you since you didn 't ever see the show . Having Lani home will be wonderful for Beth ; it will also liven her life up a bit because Lani will encourage her to not be so darn serious all the time . Hang on to your hat because it is all only just beginning ! |
August 31st , 2007 This evening I planned on meeting up with Gribbon to work on the engineering calulations . We got the clipboard from the engine and started to go through different calculatons . A big storm was moving in at the same time . Soon thunder , lightning , and rain were all around us . The lightning was striking all around us . A small fire was started just outside the city that D - twelve went on . Gribbon had to leave on a fire alarm . But he was back in no time . But later the FD was getting called to down lines and fire alarms all over the place . Gribbon left again , and I waited at the station for him . But I got a call from Foster . He asked if I could find another reserve to help me guard one of the down lines . I got Bien and we went to the scene in Utility . We were on Ruby making sure people did not go through the scene . But a lot of people had to be stopped because they did not pay attention to the barrier tape all over the place . Many people would walk up to the tape and then walk under it . We would stop them and make them go around . One guy was starting to walk around the tape , then decided to run under the tape . He went running down the road . He was right under the powerlines . It was a stupid move on his part . The house we were in front of has having a party . So people kept coming out to chat with us . This went on for hours . We were there until nearly one - thirty in the morning . When I got back to the station Gribbon was there . We went through the final calculations I had created for him to do . I didn 't get home unti two - thirty in the morning . August 30th , 2007 Today in Colfax we had our second coroner training . We went through some more cases and handed out the equipment to everyone . We talked about the case that Ken and I had . He talked about his experiences . I spent some time this afternoon at the fire department playing Ghost Recon with Rich and Reed . That was pretty fun . I am still driving the Bumblebee around . It was pretty hot today . It is funny , as I drive the Bumblebee around now I am always so worried about getting in an accident . Because I realize that should I be in one , I probably will be baddly injured or killed . It is interesting that I think about that the whole time I am in it as we drive down the highway to and from Colfax . August 29th , 2007 I was going to meet up with Nick to have him read through some stuff I wrote for the Town Crier III . I am going to apply for a position to write for the Daily News . It is a weekly column called the Town Crier . There are thirteen people , so you end up writing four times a year . I went to Avery hall thinking the writing lab was there . But it was moved . So I got some lunch while I was up there . I got home and Tyson was around the house from school today . I asked if he was going to go on calls . He said if they were higher level calls . I was going to head to the writing lab , but an Echo call came out . Tyson and I went on it . We ended up doing CPR . It turned out the person did not make it , so Pete had me do some coroner related stuff with it . I needed to find out if the doctor would be willing to sign off on the death . He was , so we did not take jurisdiction . I got home and ended up spending over an hour on a conference call . We were estimating time on the things we need to do for the next release . Finally just after five we broke the meeting and said we would continue it tomorrow . I sat around waiting for the softball game . I was looking forward to playing . The game was at ten o ' clock in Moscow . I was the starting second baseman . I missed one ball I should have gotten . My first at bat was ugly as well . But then after that I did a little better . I felt a little more at ease up to hit , but I still did not feel one hundred percent . We were winning until the final inning . We had a six run lead . But a severely bad call at second base cost us an out that would have ended the game . That allowed them to extend their inning and make the necessary hits to come back and beat us . That really sucked . August 28th , 2007 I called again about the notice on the Bumblebee for parking on the street for too long . I am not very happy about it because my neighbor called me in . The neighbor is from across the street and it is not like they want to use the spot . I have no idea what the reasoning for it was . I need to talk to parking services to see what I can do and make sure they will not be problems in the future . For my second week in a row I made it to Colfax for fire training . I got down there a little early and ate some dinner . We went to the training trailer to do some evolutions and test some hose . That lasted about two hours . We got back to the department and placed the hose out to dry . I went back to Pullman and I was off to the Zuu . I was going to meet up with Brandon , Peter , and Kevin . They were up there playing pool and enjoying taco Tuesday . Brandon and I talked for a while . I also saw Eric and Michael B . They are playing in a fall co - ed league in Moscow . I was invited to play with them . I am excited about getting to play softball some more . August 26th , 2007 This morning I scheduled to work with James on driving the engine and pumping on it . We planned to put in a total of four hours including one hour pumping . We first went to the tower to pump on the engine . We talked about how the pump works and how to run it for various hose lines . Then we went driving . I started on the bigger less crowded streets . As the time flew by we went all over town . I also got him to think about roads and go onto road he didn 't know very well . We got a couple fire alarms . We responded to both of them . But both times we pretty much got called off for one reason or another . Around one o ' clock I spoke to Chapman about keeping the engine one extra hour . That caused us to get two more calls . One of them was weird . The guy was running away from us even though he should have been seen . I explained to him that it wouldn 't cost anything to take a look . He still ran off . Then a few minutes later it became clear there were other issues . There was also a verbal domestic going on at the same time with him and someone else . I got the police down there and we clear as a no patient found . While on that a second call for a guy who fell from an apartment building came out . We went along on that . We did the transport . So , it was after three and I was a little worried that Chapman was going to be upset about us still having the engine out and about . I also had my FFL draft at four o ' clock . The last two years the coroners office has had calls right at draft time . I was hoping that would not happen this year . Turns out it didn 't , but the EMS call almost made me miss part of it . After the hospital we had to fuel up the rig . Then it was off to the FFL draft . That took about four hours . I got Farve like I do every year . Following the draft I went to Dan and Denise 's to play poker . John was over there as well . We played nickle , dime , quarter stuff until the three o ' clock in the morning . It was a long day at the end of a long weekend for me . I couldn 't wait to get to bed . August 25th , 2007 I spent this morning in Moscow getting my new cell phone . I have been needing to do something about mine . It is getting into real bad shape and as of the last week the END button has not been working for me . I had to go get the phone from the mall and have my contact list moved to the new phone . It took a while to get that done . There were people in front of me in line . When I was done with the phone I went to my truck and got some of the settings taken care of . With the new phone I had to search my way through things to see where they were located . I went home and talked to Peter on the phone for a while about law school and the tests . I got a phone call from Nick at the volleyball game . James had gotten there early and they were leaving early . So I had to get up there quicker than I had planned . That was okay , however , because I didn 't have much going on anyway . I watched the final game , but it was more than an hour away . Andrew and I spent time just talking about EMT class , being a firefighter and whatnot . Once the game got going we spent time watching the game . Mosebar , a trombone player from the band , saw me and came over to say hello . Then a guy who was working the event came over to ask help for someone stuck in the handicap wheelchair lift . The thing had gone up two inches and stopped . I was able to get the guy free from the lift . When the game was done , a different Peter had invited me to come to his place and play some poker . When I got there it turned out there were not games to speak of . So I hung out until I got an EMS call . August 24th , 2007 I took the day off from NU in order to put in a bunch of hours at Pullman Fire . We had a volleyball tournament at Bohler Gym . We had to be up there around eleven in the morning . We worked there until nearly nine - thirty at night . August 23rd , 2007 I decided to work the swing shift in the jail . I also figured I could go on Colfax fire calls if any came out . After my first round I was in the front office and Pete was there . We had the coroner clothes come in . We went through those and went across the street to give Ken his stuff . It turns out I got the wrong size for him . Shortly there after a call went out for a fall . I went with Ken in the fire engine . I got back to the jail and did some rounds and hung out in Control . Close to midnight another call came out . I did a round down . I was going to close the till out when Dale came down to relieve me . He said he heard the call and figured that since I was in Colfax I would probably want to go . I got to the fire station and ended up driving the ambulance . We picked up our patient and transported to the hospital . We got to the station and restocked the ambulance . I found out Ken had a MySpace page . I added him to my friends list when I got home and made a page for Amber . August 22nd , 2007 I was sitting at the computer when the tones went out for an unattended death in Pullman . I listened in . It wasn 't more than about thirty minutes that I was getting a call from Pete about a case in Pullman he wanted me to do . I contacted both deputy coroners . Ken was able to make it . He drove up to Pullman and we went to the scene and did our investigation . It took some extra time due to going slower for Ken 's sake . When Bob from Kimballs got to the scene I saw it was the old Bob that worked there a few years ago . It was good to see him . We went to the funeral home to finish up our investigation . Ken did well and was able to understand what we were doing . After talking to Pete we wrapped up our investigation . I went home and started on the paperwork . Loren got a hold of me and we met up at Rico 's for a little while . It was good to see him . I also saw Bruce from Cougster . He looked very good . August 21st , 2007 With summer I am playing softball on most Tuesday nights . Then with work over in Bellevue I was gone for some weeks . So I have not been able to make it to many of the trainings in Colfax . I was able to be there tonight . It felt good to be there . Tonights training was very good . We were broken into groups and were assigned a vehicle . We went through each compartment . Talked about equipment in the compartments and started up the power tools from those compartments . I drove Engine Three outside and ran the pump . We did hose tests on several of the hoses . We reloaded all the hose lays that we pulled out of the rig . That was the end of training . I learned a lot about the engine . August 20th , 2007 This evening was I asked to cover for Blanks because he was sick . I went to do rig checks followed by the EMS Evaluator class . When I went inside I found several people who were not from Pullman . One was a pretty boy - like ten - six - seven . Not my normal kind of eye - catching guy , but something about him made me want to see more - a lighter brown skinned white guy with brown eyes and brown hair . When the class was done I helped George look through a list of computer spec that his son is looking at getting as a laptop . August 19th , 2007 The plan for the day was to do engineer training with the fire department . I went to the station around ten - thirty . Bien was also doing engineer training . I went with Turpin in Engine Thirty - two . We did some drive time and talked a little bit about the control on the engine . We were out and about until about twelve - thirty . Bien and I continued to do drive time in Engine Thirty - one for him . We started by getting lunch at Cougar Country . We then drove around the town . We went from street to street , hill to hill . The plan was to stop at five to get dinner so we had time to eat and be back at the station for rig checks at six o ' clock . While we were on Pioneer hill we heard the police talking about someone who was unconscious on College hill . We decided to make our way that way in case we got a call . It took a while to drive that way . When it sounded like they were not going to want us , I heard the cops ask for us . We were right there , less than a block away . After dealing with that call we went to get fuel . Following fuel we were on our way to Dissmores to get a sandwich . We were behind schedule because of the call and getting fuel . Bien did go into Dissmores from the Grand Ave driveway . He had forgotten about turning in . But we got into the turn lane . To go in off the Stadium Way side . That is when the tones went off for a fire alarm at Avalon . We were less than three blocks away . By the time the tones were done sounding we were one block from that one . I took command and did a arrival report . We found no alarm nor reason for the alarm . We cleared and went to Dissmores finally . We got some food . While in the store the tones went off again for a pole on fire . We were just behind Engine Thirty - two . They were going code , but we did not . As we arrived on scene we were put back in service and told to stand by for the next call . No other call came in . We were finally able to get the rig checks under way . I had the guys who did engine last week switch sides . Bien and I did rig checks on Engine Thirty - two . We did not get out of there until nearly ten o ' clock at night because we did not get started until real late due to the calls . August 18th , 2007 Today is the big day . I woke up and got cleaned up . Russell and I needed to go to the tux rental shop to get new pieces for the tux . My shoes needed to be bigger as well as a better fitting shirt size . Once that was completed Russell and I were off to find some roses . We drove around for a little while and bumped into a place called Just Roses . We were able to get two red and two pink roses . We went back to the hotel to check out and send our postcards that we wrote last night . Russell and I took Ryan 's parents to dinner at Franks Diner . I had to cut out a little early and pick up Anna and one of her friends from the mall . I took them to the hotel and then parked my truck . I had been stressing about the best man speech , but this morning in the shower I figured out the direction I wanted to take the speech . I was going to talk about what friends are and what a best friend is . I was going talk about meeting Ryan and playing softball and hanging out with him over the years . I felt better now that I knew what I was going to say . Once everyone got their tuxes on we went around and took photos . I got one of Ryan in the dressing room in a chair . I also got Russell and one of me in the chair as well . We then went out and took photos around the area . I also was getting photos . I got one of Ryan 's brother and his new brother - in - law . Once that was done we were back at the hotel , the time was counting down for the wedding to start . People started to file into the Davenport hotel . The wedding started and it lasted around thirty minutes total . I was the best man and stood next to Ryan . It was neat to see the whole thing . We went and got some more photos and then made our way to the reception room . They made a grand entrance for Ryan and Anna . I sat at the table with Ryan and Anna . I went and made my way through the line for some chow . As it turned out Russell and I were sitting at a table with a couple other gay people . So it was the gay table . With Nick there as well . We did not know the other guys , but it was pretty obvious about them . It came time for the toast . I got up to give my speech . I did a great job doing it . I was prepared and it went smoothly . I did not try to be funny , but the parts that were lighter got some laughter . That was good . When the reception got going Ben gave Russell and I a cigar . We went outside to smoke it . It was not very tasty . Russell got a great photo of him smoking it . As the night was winding down I signed the paperwork for Ryan and Anna 's marriage . While we were doing that Keith mention that he lost a stud from his tux . Ryan looked at me and said " So have you " . August 17th , 2007 I got off work early today to head up to Spokane for Ryan 's wedding . I picked up Russell and we hit the road . It was slow going with all the traffic going both ways . We got near Spokane and I called Ryan to tell him that I had to turn around due to a car accident on the highway . Russell called him back shortly after I hung up worrying that Ryan would be too worried . When we got to Spokane we went to the Davenport where the wedding was going to be held and where we were staying . While in the lobby I saw Ben . He was ten - six - seven . It is funny how different people can be different ten - six - sevens . Ben is more of a young - man like ten - six - seven . Russell thought he was good looking as well . We started with the rehearsal . Everyone practiced walking to their appointed position . Went through the workings of the ceremony . Then it was off to the dinner . We were eating a place just around the corner from the Davenport . On the way back from dinner I decided to walk because we were a block away . Ryan , Russell , Anna , and her friend went back with Ryan . While walking down the road Ryan slowed down to ask " how much " , making a joke that I was a hooker . I said , really loud , " For you , big boy , anything for fifty cents " . I was two steps from the corner . As I turned it there was a guy and a girl walking around the corner we almost bumped each other . The guy gave me a funny look . We had to hurry to get to the comedy show . We ended up sitting up front . That added to the joy of the night for sure . One comedian was on stage and asked if anyone lived with their mom . I started to make a clapping motion then stopped just before hitting hands . He noticed this and pointed it out to everyone . I started laughing very hard . The rest of the evening different comedians would joke about me . One guy looked at Ryan and Russell and said it was nice of them to take " their special friend " out on the town . When the show was done it felt like I had been roasted . It was a great time . I went to the bar area where the comedian who did most of the roasting was . He saw me and came over . He shook my hand and gave me a half - hug . We talked for a few minutes . One guy who was watching the show said I earned a Good Spirit Award for taking the ribbing so well . We went back to the hotel and I started to try to think about what to say for the best - man speech . I was having a hard time coming up with anything . I pulled out a postcard that the Davenport gives away with the room . I got a phonebook and opened it to a random white page location and randomly pointed at a name in the phonebook . I then wrote a message to that person on the postcard . While I was writing the letter to the person a phone call came in around two in the morning . It was hotel security saying we had a noise complaint against us . I then wrote in the letter " We just got a noise complaint , WHATEVA ! " August 16th , 2007 I got my bugs done for the day sort of early so I headed to Colfax early . I figured I would spend some time at the fire station in case of a call . Turns out we did not get a call , but I got to hang with and speak with Ralph for a little while . When it got closer to time for the coroners meeting I went to get some dinner from Arby 's . I got to the office and I was the first there . Close to the time for the meeting I went to the side door to let the two new deputy coroner 's inside . We have Bill and Ken joining us . Ken is with Colfax fire and Bill was a captain at Pullman fire when I started on the department . At the end of the meeting Pete and I were talking about the Easter Massacre . I was telling him about the research that I had done about it in the past . I told him about the shootings and how the official report said that the shooter committed suicide . Pete got interested in it and he is going to look up some information , whatever he can find . We might be going somewhere with this . Stay tuned for that . August 15th , 2007 Today was a day that felt weird that I had nothing going on after I got off work . I worked on getting bugs solved . I did respond on a car accident that turned out to be nothing . I did spend a couple hours working on the department website . I got the photos for the last two fires we had as well as the physical agility test photos posted . When I was done doing all of that I went downstairs to make myself some dinner and watched some TV . It felt good to not worry about having to do anything in the evening . But it also felt weird as I thought I should be doing something . August 14th , 2007 Today I had a teaching first aid class to Pullman Transit . The class started at nine o ' clock AM at City Hall . I was running late and when I got to the classroom the TV and DVD player were missing . I found a TV and VCR and hook it up in the classroom where running about fifteen minutes late . Finally we got teaching and watching the video . The class was a lot of fun everybody seemed to enjoy learning first aid . After lunch we finished up the rest of the class , the video , and doing the test . When the class is over with one of the participants asked me a question about internal bleeding . He was asking about symptoms that you can look for to see if internal bleeding was taking place . I was telling him that about a case I had a while back or somebody had internal bleeding . He said he knew who I was talking about . I asked him some questions in the answered them correctly and I found out it was his mom and I was talking about . He told me the whole story about what happened that night . We spent about another thirty minutes talking . I went back to station one to sanitized and mannequins . While I was sanitizing the mannequins the tones went off asking for reserves to call the station for a transfer to Spokane . I ran into the captain 's office to let him know that I was available . I was able to do the transfer with one of the brand new paramedics Blake . We picked up or patient from the hospital and drove to Spokane . It took a little over an hour and half to get to Spokane . We drop the patient off and then went to dinner the A & W ; Rootbeer restaurant . I grabbed some chew . On the way back to Pullman we talked about career vs . reserves , firefighter training , EMS levels , as well as a couple other issues . I had a good time talking with Blake . When we got back to Pullman we went to fuel up . While you 're driving down guy street Blake tried to get a hold of the dispatch center . He accepted two times with no contact . I jokingly said they would probably answer for me so he gave me the radio . I called for the dispatch center and they quickly answered me . I told them we are back in the city and in service . After getting fuel we went to the hospital to make up the cot . I went home and checked my e - mail . I saw that Joe bought Pete 's Bar and Grill . He invited all of us down to help him celebrate . He is working on getting the bugs out before the real opening . I got down there hours after the e - mail went out , but Dan and Michele were still down there . I talked to them and congratulated Joe . I just wonder what will happen next season when it comes to softball . I would like to see us stay My Office because we have been that way for a long time , but who knows what will happen . Maybe a My Office / Pete 's Team . August 13th , 2007 Our Monday night training was engineer training . It was not just vehicle placement , but additional things that didn 't have as much to do with vehicle placement . After the training I told Brown I would like to see the class deal more with principles behind vehicle placement and less with what the class dealt with . August 12th , 2007 I was on call for the corner 's office today , but it was really quite as it normally is . We don 't get a lot of calls each month . Usually on average one or two that we investigate . I had spoken to Chapman about the fact that it seemed like our rig checks on A - shift did not go very well . Many times I felt like people were skimming through things . We would get done when I wasn 't there in record times . So I knew a good job was not being done . He said he gives people sheets . When they are done with the sheet they had to sign the sheet that they did it . That was later on if something was missed I could go to the person involved and talk to him about it . Doing that made the rig checks take longer than normal for our shift . It seemed like everyone did really well and we got stuff taken care of . August 11th , 2007 Ten o ' clock was an early wake up time after being up until after six in the morning . I had to get my truck cleaned out for the people riding with me . I had to pick up a couple people along the way . I first picked up Russell then it was off to Steve 's house . We all went to Shopko and picked up a white shirt and a place Sharpie pen . I drew out what I wanted to have the shirt . Steve worked on filling it out along the way . We were heading to Ryan 's house to pick him up . I presented him with his shirt and made him put it on . He went with it and wore it . We started by going to get some pizza . We went to the same place as we did for his birthday . Dan met up with us there . While there we took his cell phone so people could not call him and bother us on his party . Russell took the phone and left a message saying we had taken his phone away and that he wasn 't going to call anyone back . After pizza we were walking down the street . With Ryan 's shirt I put on a drawn in six - pack . A guy without a shirt was walking down the street towards us . I said to Ryan " He 's wearing the same shirt as you " . Everyone laughed about that . We went to the mall and watched a movie . While walking through the mall a couple of us were saying outloud " Deadman Walking " . We left a gap between Ryan and us . one younger guy was starring at his shirt . I looked at the guy and said " You like his abs ? " When the movie was done we went to the comedy club . We were pretty early . But we ordered prime rib and ate it while talking and joking with Ryan . I talked to Chris the owner of the Brickwall and made sure he knew we were there . During his warm up he was making fun of Ryan and roasting all of us about going to a comedy club in Spokane for the bachelor party . Other comedians who came through also made similar jokes to us . Following the show we went to get some dinner at IHOP and then more or less called it a night . It was a nice calm bachelor party for Ryan . I wasn 't sure if that is exactly what he wanted , but Ryan is not much of the drinker / party animal . I think he enjoyed being able to be with his friends and just enjoy the day . On the way home Russell got us to stop on a dark side road where we watched the stars . there was a meteor shower going on . We saw some of them fly by while we were there . I didn 't get home and in bed until into the wee hours of the morning . I am on call for the coroner . I just was hoping that I wouldn 't get a call an hour after I went to bed for a death . August 10th , 2007 Today I was ending my short four day run in Bellevue . I had Chapman covering for me tonight , and he was going to cover until I got back to Pullman . I knew it was going to be a long day at the office because of what I had to get done . Around six at night I checked the Daily News website . I saw that there was a big fire in Pullman at the grain bin on the Pullman - Moscow Highway . I was disappointed because I thought I missed a fire . But I also figured it might go on long enough for me to do something at . The View of the Fire before I left Bellevue I made the trip without trying to rush it too much . When I got back to Pullman I found that the bay was empty at Station Thirty - Two . I went my house changed and back to the fire station . Upon my arrival I found the ambulance was back . I went in and spoke with Chapman . He said I could probably go to Station One and get out to the scene . My only concern was if I would be able to get back in time for Ryan 's bachelor party . I decided to go to the station and see if I could make it out to the scene . Within a few minutes of getting to the station I was sent out with Erickson to the scene in the ambulance . I got to go into the bucket with Nick . We were using the masterstream to help keep the side grain bin remain cool . The middle bin was burning . Brown gave me a camera to take some photos . While I was up there I noticed what appeared to be smoke coming from the eves of the side grain bin . I notified Brown . Later on D - Twelve said the same thing . It was not long that we received word that we were not going to stop it from burning . I sat in the bucket for a while by myself waiting for the side bin to really get going . I had a camera and I had been taking photos of the whole thing . We moved a propane tank away from the building and used the masterstream from the PL to help protect the PL and the propane tank from the heat of the fire . Wilson showed back up and I used a handline to keep us cool in the PL bucket . As the fire got roaring I got some action shots . As the fire got rolling it was very hot in the bucket . We were the closest for the fire . We really didn 't do anything to slow down the fire progression . Once in a while I would stop flowing the handline , which I had in a fog pattern , to see the difference in the heat . It was pretty big . Around five in the morning the small bin had burnt to the ground . Our replacements showed up and I got to go to the station . While I was there A . Wilcox was there . We talked about the fire and the response for the rest of the night . It was just him and I on Rescue should a call have come out . But by six in the morning nothing had come out . I got home finally and in bed . August 9th , 2007 I had a quick appointment at the doctors office this morning it was for only a shot . When I got to the office a ten - six - seven was sitting in the lobby . He came out with a limp . Not sure what the problem was , but I couldn 't really get my eyes off of him . When I got into the office I was so painfree , my ankle felt better than it had in years it seemed . Perfect ! The doctor wants there to be pain so we can tell if the shot does anything to help . I left the doctors office , but I made sure to take care in shutting the door which gave me extra time to watch my ten - six - seven in the lobby . August 8th , 2007 Part of my plan to make things hurt was to walk Amber around and throw the ball for her . I went up and down the driveway a whole bunch of times . We were out there long enough that even Amber was getting tired of all the walking around . My attempts at causing myself some pain were in vein however . I failed to fell pain when I was done for the evening . August 7th , 2007 Today was a travel day to Bellevue . On my way to Grand Ave I found the sunrise to be incredible looking . Something like the sunsets we see in Pullman . I stopped to take some photos of it . Over a period of a couple minutes it went from the top photo to the bottom photo . Once I was done gawking I hit the road . I had a doctor 's appointment to have my ankle MRI read to me . As it turned out when I got to the doctors office I was not able to show any pain in my ankle . That made it nearly impossible to get a shot and fix anything . The doctor asked me to go home and see if I could do anything to make it hurt . That is an unusual request . Without playing softball and working events I don 't see how I can get it to hurt easily . This is different than being defensive . Like most red - blooded Americans I reserve my second amendment right to protect myself . The only time that would be used is in a defensive posture . Sometimes when it is you or them . Fight or flight . Being judged by twelve or carried by six . You have to choose . If my choice is fight , then I have what is necessary to protect myself and get out alive . In some cases , however , you may have to go on the offensive and take a proactive approach to protecting yourself defensively . That is to say that sometimes you have to strike first in defense of yourself . Why might you strike first ? Lets say there is a group of beings that are unwilling to negotiate and who have a different outlook on life . There is no understanding between my life , my house , my property , and what they view as their life , their property , and their house . That is what happened today . I was going to BBQ in my backyard when a swarm of bees decided to use my stairs as their home . They attacked me unprovoked . I retreated . I went to the Grange and bought some bee killer . I went back to their home and killed them all . While I was not getting stung by a bee , I took some photos for the photo board for the fire department and got them posted . We had fire training tonight . We went over the first part of our engineer training . The whole month we are doing engineer training . August 5th , 2007 The Keeton 's plus one of their friends as well as Russell and I went to the river . We started out at Safeway I got fuel and water . We drove down to the river and put the boat in the water . Then we got rolling from the dock to the dunes . I figured even though the boat was leaking a fair amount while at the dunes the worst it would do would be to ground itself . I was going to go ashore , but I spent some time trying to find my tennis ball . I brought that to have some fun with the softball bat . But I could not find it . Then the kids wanted to play with the tube . I stuck around the boat . We were there for around an hour . Then we took the boat out and started to cruise . The kids got on the tube and rode it for a while . Then I got Dan on the tube . After making him crash we took the tube back to the beach and took Russell on the water skis . He got up on the first try . He skied for a while then wanted to stop . After resting a minute or so , he got back up for a little bit more . After that was done we went back to clean up our beach area and head to the dock . I had to be back in Pullman by six for being on call . Russell wanted to get me some dinner for me . So he picked that up at The Emerald and met me at my house . I got my uniform on and went to the station . I ate really fast while rig checks were going . I went out to assist with rig checks . After we were done with them for the most part , I worked with A . Wilcox on his Rescue check offs as well as talking to him about engineer related information . August 4th , 2007 This morning was Joe 's golfing game . It is always an early tee time . I always get there just before the actual tee off time . Today was no different . I spent the normal amount of time hitting trees . In fact I won the award for the most trees hit . After the golfing I went to Colfax Fire . I hung out for a couple hours . Eric and Rick were there . We watched Rocky . But as the day was going it was very quiet . I had been needing to do some shopping for a while . I finally got off my duff and made my way to Safeway for a shopping trip . August 3rd , 2007 So there I was . Just leaving the bathroom on my way to the bay when I heard the pre - alerts saying there was a structure fire . I didn 't believe it . I looked around to see if someone was playing with a recording . But the I realized it was a real one . The tones went off and we got into our turn outs . We were close to going to do some training in Rescue when the call came out . In fact we have A . Wilcox down with us for the training . He jumped in the Engine and Bien , Williams and I got into Rescue . We followed the engine to the scene at CCS . I could see some light brown smoke coming from the area . It appeared we did indeed had a fire . When we got there A . Wilcox had the hose out and ready to go . Turpin had us back him up . That is when Dean Hare from the Daily News snapped this photo . I tried all doors before I forced them . But I ended up having to force two of them . I paid attention to the door as I tried it . One I found the door locking system to be weak , so it only took a small hit with the shoulder . A second door was stronger so I used the halligan tool to get into that . There was no one in any of the room . After that it was pretty much over with for us , except for the clean up . A . Wilcox took over on rescue for Williams . Bien and I took him up to the tower and worked on his engineer stuff until just after eleven o ' clock . We got a ton of stuff done with A . Wilcox . I went home to get to sleep because I didn 't get a lot of sleep this morning and I had to get up for golfing in the morning . But we would get a call at three in the morning . After I got home I spent the next hour tossing and turning as I was thinking about various things . August 2nd , 2007 With all the wildland fires happening , Chapman called me up to see if I would cover for him . I told him I would . While doing rig checks I noticed we needed to fuel the engine . I called one of the guys down to the station who was not there . He was on duty . Before he got there we were called for a medical call . We got done with that call . We got the engine and made it out the door this time . We opened the gate at the city shops only to get a second call . We went on that . It was a fire alarm . Finally , we made it back for the fuel . This time we were able to fill up the engine . August 1st , 2007 Russell and I went downtown today to get sized for tuxes . They will be for Ryan 's wedding later this month . We are both in the wedding . We grabbed some lunch at Pizza Pipeline and I went to the banks to make deposits . When we got back to my place he was in my office and saw my project that I am working on for the coroners office . I am putting together a collage of car accident photos . He asked about what happened in each one . I told him the circumstances around each wreck . Then we talked about the choices people make in life which brought us to a long discussion about suicide . Why people choose to do it , and what is being gained by it . Following the suicide we got into a little bit of politics . That is where we are vastly on different ends of the poles . But we stayed mostly in an area where we both agree , and it is about giving up freedom for " security " . |
" I 'm going to get you out of here , I promise . " Martins said then turned to the man . " Where is your boss , I need to talk to him , now ! " Martins still could not wrap his head around what was going on . If RoseAnne was their boss , it would mean she was the one who set him up at the station . She was the one who kidnapped herself and Wura . That made no sense . " Everything . " RoseAnne responded . " Killed the people you robbed , fed you the news about the Blue Canim , made sure you were arrested , kidnapped your daughter and girlfriend , everything . " Martins staggered backwards and dropped into a chair . How could she have done all of this and he did not know ? He loved her , at least he believed he did . This made no sense . " It was fun . " RoseAnne said . " To see someone run so hard towards his own death , get obsessed with the person who wants to kill him , so much fun . " He grinded his teeth together and tried hard to stay still . He had spent time , money , energy , chasing this woman and she was the one who was the source of all his troubles ? This was hard to take , hard to understand and maybe he never would understand but he had to know what her plan was . With him , with his daughter . He could not believe he had put his daughter in the care of somebody so evil . " Honestly , I don 't care . " Martins said . " I just want to know what you plan to do . My daughter , where is she ? " " Oh , calm yourself . I already have her . I 'll tell her daddy died and I 'll be there for her . You know she already loves me . " Martins had not considered the possibility of rescue . Mostly because he did not know if he needed rescuing or not . Everything was still confusing . Was RoseAnne actually going to harm him ? If she was , which it increasingly looked likely , he had to find a way to get out of here . Or at least hope somebody on the outside would come to his rescue . The chances of that happening were slim though . " We can talk about it where we are going . " RoseAnne said then turned to the tall man . " Get the girl and the detective into the Hilux , we 'll leave in five minutes . " " I like your daughter . " She said . " I 've always loved to have a little girl but there 's no way I 'm sacrificing this great body to pregnancy . Wura just solves that problem for me . " Martins pondered her face for a couple of seconds . So she knew he was a thief all this while ? While he was pretending to be a good person , wooing her , she knew what he was ? He felt so ashamed of himself then he was angry for allowing himself to be played . " I was sixteen and we were having a late dinner at home . It was one of those nights when my dad came back late from a trip . We were about finishing the food when we heard a loud knock on our door . Guess who it was ; armed robbers in face masks . " He remembered the job now . It was his last job as an armed robber , it was the one that made up his mind . But still , he did not kill anybody on that job . " Not that bad ? " RoseAnne laughed dryly . " The butt of your gun caused internal bleeding in his head , he was dead in less than twenty four hours . " " You think money is everything ? I loved my dad and you took him from me . " She walked closer to Martins , the clicking of her heels on the ceramic tiles raising the tension in Martins ' body . " But you are right , money is great . I devoted a lot of it to finding you . I found your old gang easily and had them all killed but you , it was as if you 'd dropped off the crime world . But you know , all I had to do was wait and you eventually turned up . " She paused and looked at him . " I have to be honest my plans didn 't quite work but it doesn 't matter , we are still at the right end point . I 'm going to kill you today , finally get over my father 's death and raise your daughter as mine . " " I am sorry about your father RoseAnne , I truly am . He 's the reason I have never done a job with a gun . Please let Wura return to her mother , she has nothing to do with this . " " Oh she does . She 's going to know what it feels like to live without a father . She 's fortunate I will care for her , unlike my mother . " RoseAnne walked out of the room and in less than a minute returned with a gun . Martins recognized the gun . It was a local gun , like the one he carried the day he robbed her family . Martins dropped to his knees and raised his hands . " RoseAnne please , you don 't have to do this . You know I did not kill your father intentionally . Shooting me now is not justice … " She moved behind him and Martins closed his eyes . He waited for the gunshot but it didn 't come . He opened his eyes and turned back to look at RoseAnne and at that moment he saw the butt of the gun come down and hit his head . He crashed to the ground , his head exploding in pain . Martins tried to stand up but she hit him again on the head . For a few seconds or minutes , he could not tell , he felt numb and his eyesight blurred . There was a dull ringing in his head and he felt like his heart was no longer beating . Martin laid on the ground waiting to die . Even if the blows to his head were not enough to kill him , he knew RoseAnne would come back to finish what she had started . If anybody had asked him how he was going to die , he would never have said ' at the hands of the woman he loved ' . Martins sat at the back of the police car , his hands handcuffed behind his back . He was not sure if he should be grateful or sad . He was not going to die at the hands of RoseAnne but these agents weren 't much better . RoseAnne paused and nodded . " You are right . As soon as these cops clear out of here , I 'll get rid of her and get out of the country . I 'll have to pay someone to finish you off . That is if you are not already bleeding inside . " She was going to kill Wura ? No , she wouldn 't . She couldn 't . Martins could not believe he had once being in love with this girl . How did she hide all this hate from him ? " Hey , one more thing . " RoseAnne said . " Check this out . " She dug her hands in her pocket and brought out something . The Blue Canim ! " Oh yeah , my guys found it . I have the two things you love the most . " Martins saw Agent Sanni walking towards the car . He had to do something . They would not take his word over RoseAnne 's . She was a beautiful victim , he was a criminal already caught in the act . But he had to do something . " Agent , you have to believe me . I didn 't know it at first too but she 's the mastermind behind all these . " Martins said , hoping desperately the agent would believe him . " Ask Detective Muritala , he heard everything she said to me just now . " " Detective Muritala broke you out of jail , of course he 'll support you . " Agent Sanni said . " Well , it 's time for your questioning to resume and believe me , you will wish you had died here . " Agent Sanni shook his head and walked away . Martins bowed his head and hoped for the best . One minute later , Agent Sanni came back , holding the Blue Canim . Martins placed his hand over the swollen spot on his head . The prison doctors had checked him and they said he was not bleeding internally and he was going to survive . He was going to survive the head injuries but he knew there was a big chance he might not survive here in jail . He was not physically or emotionally stable enough to live the prison life . RoseAnne had disappeared into thin air . They were still looking for her but what were the chances she would actually be found ? Wura had gone to stay with her mother . That was the part that hurt him the most . He could not see his baby . Her mother had refused to let her visit and had even told Wura he was dead . Maybe it was better if he was . He stood up from the floor and looked around the cell room . There was nothing here he could use to kill himself . Except maybe starve himself to death . He followed the guard into a room and sat there . Whoever this lawyer was , he was going to fire him immediately . He didn 't need anyone defending him , he wanted to be punished . " That is exactly why I 'm here . " Tiny Tony said . " I 've got good news and I 've got good news . Which do you want to hear first ? " " The old detective , remember him ? Well , they released him on bail yesterday but he won 't be coming back . I got him and his woman in Ghana with Wura waiting for you . " May 17 , 2017The AftermathLordJosh Detective Muritala sat in front of his boss and like every time it had happened , he wished he didn 't have to . She looked at him with suspicion , almost as if she knew what he wanted to talk about . He 'd thought about several ways he could get Martins out of the station and from the hand of his torturers and he realized he needed the help of someone higher than him . " The very one . " He had caught her attention now . " It makes sense if you think about it . He owns a jewelry store , the thief steals jewelry . " He 'd thought about this carefully . She didn 't know about Martins ' arrest yet . The headquarters were keeping it under wraps and he was grateful they did . " This isn 't unprecedented . " He said . " And I 'm not cutting them out of the investigation , I just need to question him here on my turf . " " This won 't affect you in anyway . " Detective Muritala said . " I wouldn 't even have come to you if I had the authority to sign the necessary forms . " " If I close this case , you realize you get all the credit ? " She liked that . " And all I need is bring him here , question him , return him to them and we can put him away while they try to figure out what 's happening . " The bald officer - he actually still didn 't know the guy 's name , had promised once he got a letter requesting the prisoner transfer , he would find a way to get him out of the station . Once he was out of the gates of the police station , he had made arrangements for people to grab him . The plan was coming together already . Detective Muritala shook his head as he walked out of the DPO 's office . Breaking out a prisoner was the latest to be added to his list of sins . That list was growing longer every day now . But this would be the last he would do . Once he got Martins out and the man he 'd spoken to on the phone before paid him like he promised , he would get Shekiya and leave the country . The door opened and Martins looked up , the evil twins were back . If their faces were anything to go by , he was in a lot of trouble . He had given up on life now . He was going to rot here , if he didn 't die first . He would never see RoseAnne again or Wura . If they were still alive . " We don 't want to . " Agent Sanni said . " We have other people to interrogate . Just tell us what we want to know and you won 't see us ever again . " They both walked out of the room . Martins looked around , he was done with this . He was not going to be tortured any further . Even if it meant killing himself . The room was empty except for the table and chairs . There wasn 't much he could use to kill himself but he had to find something . He wasn 't going to be alive when the two demons came back . He shook the chair he sat on then he stood and hit it on the ground till it broke . He picked up the broken leg of the chair . It wasn 't the best weapon available but it would do the job . The only way he could use the piece of wood as a weapon was to stab himself . He sighed . He could not believe he had come to the point where he was considering suicide . Not just considering it , he was planning it . It was better if he died now though . It wasn 't like they would let him go anyway . At least now he could die without further torture . He picked up the piece of wood and lifted it up . He closed his eyes and gripped the wood as tight as he could . He had to do this once . If he survived the stab , he was in for a very terrible life afterwards . " Are you trying to break out ? " Agent Sanni asked and then turned to Detective Muritala . " And you were just going to stand there and watch him ? " " What on earth do you think you are doing ? " Agent Ponsah asked , his hands raised . " You are dead already , you know that , right ? " " I 'm transferring the prisoner . " Detective Muritala said . " You know what , I don 't want any trouble from you clowns . Hand me your phones now . " Martins was not sure if this was a breakout or a transfer like the Detective kept saying but at least he was out of the crazy cell with the crazy agents who were trying to get him mad . The Detective had a pass of some sorts that got him out of the station without further violence . Martins was thrown in the back of a police Hilux , beside the bald officer who was working for the person who hired him . Detective Muritala sat in front of the car with the driver . Two of the three people in the car were not clean , that much he knew . Was this a rescue mission ? If it was , who was the sponsor ? And where were they taking him ? A few seconds after the driver walked away , another man came and entered the car . Detective Muritala and the bald officer said nothing . The man started the car and drove into the road . Martins looked at the man , he was familiar . Yes , he remembered him now ; he was one of Tiny Tony 's men . This was a breakout . But this wasn 't necessarily good news for him . The bald officer beside him was the one who delivered the news of RoseAnne and Wura 's capture to him . He was probably going to be tortured again or worse they would make him watch while they tortured the girls . He leaned back in the car and shook his head . There was no point worrying ; he would cross that bridge when he got there . But he could not stop thinking about his daughter . She was too young to go through all of these . The ache hammered at his head like someone was splitting wood on his temple . He slowly opened his eyes and for a few seconds he did not know where he was . He looked around the small room . It was a painted pink , like Wura 's room . There was a pink train set that ran around the room and big pink teddy bear . Wura had those too . What the hell was happening ? He stood and immediately reached for a wall , his eyes swarm and tongue tasted salty . He looked down at his shirt and saw blood then he remembered the accident . A car had hit them . Maybe ' the accident ' wasn 't an accident . Where was Detective Muritala and the bald officer ? Did Tiny Tony have anything to do with this ? He dragged along the wall till he got to the door . He knocked on it . There was no answer . He raised his hand to knock again but the door swung open and he saw a tall man standing in front of him . The man was not familiar . Maybe he was one of the guys who worked for Tiny Tony . " I 'm going to get you out of here , I promise . " Martins said then turned to the man . " Where is your boss , I need to talk to him , now ! " May 10 , 2017The AftermathLordJosh The room was dark and Martins could not tell if it was day or night . He laid on the floor on his side . He was not sure how long he had been in that one position but he was sure he was not changing anytime soon . His body hurt all over , he was sure things were broken in different places . At some point he had expected to die but apparently the human body could take way more than he assumed . He did not even pass out once . His torturers knew what they were doing . They hurt him so much but only till the point his body could take it . They had taken a break but he was sure they would be back . And soon . This wasn 't even about the Blue Canim , they didn 't know about that . They were asking him a question he couldn 't quite answer . He did not know who originally got the information about where the seized properties were kept so there was no way he could give them that information . He could give them Tiny Tony 's name but they would never find him and so they 'll think he sent them on a wild goose chase . That wouldn 't reduce the torture at all . The door opened and he heard a set of boots enter the room . A switch clicked and light flooded the room . The light went straight into his eyes and shut them quickly . Martins struggled to push his legs out but they wouldn 't move . It was probably stupid that he had stayed in one position for so long . His body was now too stiff to move without excruciating pain . He wanted to cry . No , he was crying already . The tears were not falling yet but he was sobbing inside . This was not what he bargained for . Ponsah , the demoniac put his arm under him and pulled him up . He left Martins as soon as he was upright and he shouldn 't have . Martins crumbled back to the floor , his whole body shaking with the pain that coursed through it . " I already told you … " Agent Ponsah moved closer and Martins stopped . " Let me explain to you how I got his job , maybe that will help me . " " I have a contact , Tiny Tony . " That was the first time he was telling anybody about Tony but who cared , he was about to die anyway . " He got the job from somebody , I don 't know who , and told me about it . " Detective Muritala sat in front of the police station , his hands on his head . It was a posture of doom and gloom and it got him stares from passersby but that was exactly how he felt . His son was dead ? Everything he had done was for nothing ? He had soiled his name , soiled his hands , soiled his records and now it was all for nothing ? He did not even get to do anything for the son , nothing at all . Worse still , they never even met . He removed his hands from his head and covered his face with them . He wanted to cry but the tears did not come . He wanted to go throw himself off a tall building but that would mean standing up and he did not have the will to do even that . What was he to do now ? Shekiya would be devastated , the son was all she had . It was her fault this had happened to him . Why did she come ? Why didn 't she just stay with her son ? Why did she have to tell him he had a son ? Why did she have the son at all ? He looked up the stairs and saw the bald officer who had let him in to see Martins . He ignored the officer and looked ahead . He should probably go to Kano to be with Shekiya . But will she want to be with him ? He had left her all those years because of his stupid arrogance and now when she came back to him for help , he had done nothing . He was as useless now as he was then . Martins ? Die ? So what if he died ? He was a thief who had probably killed too , even though he insisted he hadn 't . Martins was a criminal who had successfully roped him into his crime , he did not care if he died . Detective Muritala shook his head . He could not imagine the depths of filth he had descended into just to save his son . He hated himself for what he had done . He hated everyone who helped him do it . Martins , especially . " I don 't have any relationship with him . " Detective Muritala cut him off . " He was a suspect in a few cases I was running and now he 's going to jail for sure so , that 's it . I 'm done with him . " The officer moved closer . " Who do you think you are kidding ? I don 't know exactly how , but I know you were involved in this robbery . " " I know you didn 't have anything to do with it , alright . " The officer said . " But let 's say you did . Are you sure you want him in there ? Are you sure he won 't mention your name to his torturers ? Are you sure he hasn 't already ? " Maybe it was time he headed for Kano . If Martins named him as an accomplice he could always just stay there . And if the heat got too much , he could move to Chad , he had people there . There was no need to wait anymore , he was leaving town . " That was not what I was expecting . " The person on the phone sounded genuinely surprised . " Sounds like you don 't care about your son anymore . " " Look detective , I am a desperate man here , okay ? I tried using the carrot , unfortunately that failed . Now I have to use the cane . " " No need for threats Detective . Just fulfil your end of the deal and I promise you I will fulfil my end . Your son may be gone but I 'm sure you and your woman could use some retirement fund . " Detective Muritala stayed quiet . He had gone to bed with a criminal once and he had lost everything he held dear , including the person for whom he did all these . Why on earth would he do the same again ? What was the assurance this terrible person on the phone will not harm Shekiya anyway ? Tiny Tony ended the call and set the phone down on the table . He could not believe that he was now down to the level of threatening women . Things had changed for him . For everybody . Martins was locked up , taking regular doses of beating . RoseAnne and Wura were not faring much better . Nobody had laid a hand on them , he had begged for that but they weren 't exactly in heaven . In less than a week , he had gone from a wealthy and connected business man who had a good criminal reputation to a person who betrayed his friend , threatened innocent people and ran errands for a pompous idiot . He sighed and stood . He walked to the window and looked out . He caught sight of a construction work going on just across the road from the building he was in . It was a gigantic building , probably owned by some corrupt politician in Abuja . He shook his head , who was he to judge a corrupt politician ? Martins was crazy but he was a good person . He 'd stolen much in his time but he 'd never hurt any of his targets . He had drugged them , he had gassed them , he had done all sorts of things he would go to hell for but he never permanently hurt any of them . He did not deserve to go down as the victim of his friend 's betrayal . He had to do something about it . The one person that had turned his life to this nightmare . Ojiji , as he liked to be called was a huge man . He was huge to men with average height , it was worse for Tiny Tony . He was nobody as far as Tiny Tony could tell . Nobody in the game knew him or where he came from but he 'd bought his way with money . He had loads of it and for some reason he was very interested in Martins . At first he suspected nothing of Ojiji , which was very unlike him . He had survived so long in the business by instinctively knowing who was good and was who bad . He was probably mesmerized by all the money , idiot . Now , he was so deep into whatever Ojiji was doing he could not get out . " Okay , if you say so . " Ojiji said . " But just so you know , for every action , there will be an equal and opposite reaction . " Detective Muritala paced in front of the police station , there was a lot on his mind . He had made his peace with the fact that his son was dead and there was nothing he could do about it . No , he had not made his peace with it but he had pushed it to the back of his mind . He had to rescue Shekiya now . He was not sure how but he would . If he lost Shekiya too then he would kill himself , consequences be damned . He shook his head ; that would not happen . May 3 , 2017The AftermathLordJosh Martins paced in the room , his face still throbbing from the punches . Things had gotten out of hand . The only reason he had had so much confidence was because he assumed RoseAnne and Wura were safe . How did they find them ? He 'd made sure Tiny Tony did not get a whiff of their travel . Was someone watching him ? Or worse , watching them ? His options were limited . There was no way he would see harm come to RoseAnne or his daughter . He did not want to hand over the Blue Canim but he would , if it would mean his girls could go free . If . That uncertainty was his fear . Criminals were known to break their promise from time to time . He had to negotiate his way out of this one . RoseAnne and Wura were unlikely to be harmed for now , as long as there was a chance he would cooperate . Martins knocked on the door . No answer . He banged on it . He heard a foot shuffle behind the door . " Shut up , you big , bald idiot . " Martins said . " I 'm not giving you anything if you don 't get me out . If I give you what you want , how do I know you won 't hurt my daughter and leave me to rot here ? " " I see what 's going on here . You don 't know anything , they just paid you to beat me up and question me . " Martins pulled the chair and sat . " Let me tell you how this works . I am a high value prisoner to whoever paid you because of what I have . They will torture and threaten me until I give them what I have . But until I do so , I am very important to them . Do you understand ? " " I don 't care how this works . " The officer said . " I only care about doing the job I 'm paid for . And if you 're so good , you pompous bastard , how come you are the one in jail ? " The guy had a point . If he was so great , he shouldn 't be in jail . If he 'd followed his instincts to take RoseAnne and Wura and walk into the sunset , he wouldn 't be here . Greed and obsession ; that was what he followed . " There 's no need for all these talk , " Martins said . " This isn 't a peace summit . I 'm not giving you anything until I 'm out of here . " Martins chuckled . " You just confirmed you don 't know who you are working for . You know what , I 'm not talking with you anymore . The next time you talk to whoever is giving you orders , tell them I want to talk to Tiny Tony . " Detective Muritala panted as he ran to the foot of the stairs of the plane . He was lucky to have met the plane , he 'd been told . He was on his way to Kano again and like his previous trip , he was going with a lot of apprehension . Shekiya had called to say his son was in a coma and the chances of him coming out of it were getting lower by the minute . He was yet to meet the boy or he should say the boy was yet to meet him . If he died now … he shook the thought off his mind , he was not going to die . He entered the plane and found his seat . He was just sitting when his phone rang . He did not know this number and frankly he was not in the mood to speak to anyone . What if it was Shekiya calling ? He answered the call . Detective Muritala paused . Who was this man on the phone ? How did he know about his son ? More importantly , what was this deal he was talking about ? " You don 't have to trust me but this is a business transaction for me . My people have already spoken to them at the hospital in Kano and I know how much you need . The money is on ground already , all I need to do is give the signal and your son 's life will be saved . " What the man was asking was simple . All he had to do was get something from Martins through any means he could and his son would be saved . He owed this Martins man no loyalty , none at all . " Alright , I 'll do it . " Detective Muritala said . " What do you want me to collect from him ? " " Just a small jewel called the Blue Canim . " Martins sat , resting his head on the table in front of him . He had not eaten anything since he was caught . He 'd not even been given water . He 'd been a criminal for a long time but he 'd never suffered the consequences , things had changed so fast . He was hot , he needed to use the toilet , he was of course thirsty but nobody had answered his request for any of those things . They say crime does not pay but crime had paid him big time but now he was the one paying . His discomfort wasn 't his biggest problem at the moment , it was the thought of his daughter and RoseAnne stuck with these criminals . Who knew what they may have done to RoseAnne or worse still , to Wura . He shook his head , he shouldn 't be thinking about things like this . Or maybe he should . He deserved the mental torture . He 'd been a very bad person , he should pay for it . The door to the room opened and he lifted his head from the table . Two men entered , both of them people he 'd never seen . From the suits they wore to their composure , he knew these were not street police officers like the idiot he 'd been dealing with . They could be secret service or something more covert than the secret service . Martins looked from one agent to the other as they sat . Agent Sanni looked like he was the one running the show but Agent Ponsah looked more intense . They didn 't look like men who came to play . But agents ? " I 'm sorry I cannot say . " Agent Sanni said . " Our unit is a convert operation . For your peace of mind , just think of us as police . " " Martins , " Agent Sanni started . " I hope you understand you are in a lot of trouble . Giving us a name right now will go a long way to help you . " " Oh , so guys can offer deals like the FBI does in movies ? If I give you my source , you put under witness protection and I go and live in a far place like Kotangora . Is that it ? " " That 's nice to hear . " Martins said . " This is what I want ; a full pardon , no prosecution at all and I 'll give you the name of my source . I 'll even give you the name of his grandfather if you want . " " I didn 't have a partner . " Martins said . " If I did and I 'm not saying I did , do you think I would sell him out ? " Detective Muritala entered the station feeling like every eye was on him and they all knew what he wanted to do . He couldn 't overanalyze this . The only thing he placed his mind on was his son . He needed to save his son and he had promised he would do anything it would take and that was what he was about to do . He looked around , there were no familiar faces . He needed access to Martins . Was he really going to kill him ? Maybe he didn 't have to . The only thing the man said was to make sure he didn 't leave the station . Oh , this was too hard . All his years of honest service and integrity had disappeared like smoke . First he agreed to help a thief steal from the police , now he was considering murdering that thief . Was his son worth all of these ? He heard a scream come from inside the station and he hurried in the direction of the scream . The closer he got to the scream , the more he was convinced it was coming from Martins . Was he being tortured ? The bald officer walked away and Detective Muritala followed him . The screams he was hearing made him nauseous . How was he supposed to talk to Martins now with the goons in the room ? Even if he waited till they , what were the chances Martins would want to talk to him or even be able to ? His phone vibrated in his pocket and his heart skipped a beat . Could be the man who promised to take care of Ahmad . Or maybe it was Shekiya . He brought out the phone ; it was Shekiya . He couldn 't remember the last time he received a good call from the woman . He sighed and answered the call . April 27 , 2017The AftermathLordJosh Detective Muritala heard the commotion inside the station and knew something was wrong . He also knew he was at fault for whatever had happened . All he had to do was cut out the power and Martins had done half of the work . He was supposed to wait for the signal , move closer to the power source and pull a simple switch . But Shekiya had called to tell him his son was getting worse and he had been distracted . He eventually cut the power but it was late . Very late . If Martins had been caught he had to get him out . It wasn 't part of their deal but if he was arrested the deal was off . His son needed the money so Martins could not be arrested . He entered the station and his fear was confirmed . Power had been restored and he could see everything . The way to the store where Martins was supposed to be was crowded . There was so much noise and movement he was not sure where to start . Whoever was running the station at the moment was stupid . They had caught a thief and they didn 't have people protecting the door . Detective Muritala made his way through the crowd . He caught a glimpse of Martins being carried by an officer into one of the interrogation rooms . He looked like he was unconscious . Detective Muritala tapped the woman standing beside him . The woman pointed to a bald man , standing close to the door of the store . Detective Muritala headed towards the man . The man was not familiar so he was not likely to be so high on the chain of command . He 'd made it his job to know all his seniors . He was almost in front of the man when two officers blocked his path . Detective Muritala showed them his ID . They saw his name and more importantly they saw his rank . One of the officers walked to the bald officer and spoke to him . The man looked at Detective Muritala , nodded , and they let him through . " It 's pretty obvious . " Detective Muritala said . " I think you should clear this area and put people at the door , nobody should be able to enter the station at this time . " Detective Muritala knew this question could put him trouble or lead to more questions that would put him in trouble . But he had to know what Martins would say . Would he sell him out ? His head throbbed with pain . The last thing he remembered was several people surrounding him in the store . The Blue Canim . Well , they would never find that . He was in a dark room but it wasn 't the store . The smell of money wasn 't here and this room was colder than the store . Was he still in the police station ? Did the detective know he 'd been caught ? Was this it ? The end of everything ? He rubbed his head and winced . What is going to happen to Wura now ? He shouldn 't have done this . He 'd been seduced by the idea of finally having the Blue Canim and he was going to pay the ultimate price for it . He 'd been very confident he would not be caught . It was not confidence , it was stupid arrogance . Martins stayed quiet . He 'd flirted with jail since the day he started stealing but it was looking so real to him now . Wura would be without a father . She would live with her mother and her numerous boyfriends . It wasn 't a picture he wanted to imagine . There was no advantage that could come from talking to this man . He needed a way out . The chances of Tiny Tony coming to his aid were low . Tony knew people , even policemen but he doubted he would want to have anything to do with him at this time . There was even a chance he was the one who set him up . He and whoever he was working for . Detective Muritala was still his best shot to getting out . It was dangerous putting himself at the mercy of the detective but the man was desperate . He still needed money for his son . The officer chuckled . " My teeth are not going to fall out but believe me , yours will . Or pardon me , they won 't fall out , they will be pulled out . " Martins knew this was not an empty threat . Nobody cared about the rule of law or prisoner safety in Nigeria . They could cut off all his appendages and no one would care . Martins heard a chair shift , followed by the sound of footsteps then the door opened . He had two plays ; the cane and the carrot . Any of them could set him free . He could offer the detective money to get him out or send a threat to Tiny Tony . He preferred the first option . There was a third option though and he might be forced to use that option . Whoever had sent him for the Blue Canim probably still wanted it . Nobody would find it except he told them where it was . He could offer them the Blue Canim in exchange for his freedom . He was not sure who Tiny Tony was working for but he knew they probably had the power to get him out . If - when he got free , he was taking RoseAnne and Wura and going somewhere Tiny Tony and his client could not find him . Or the Blue Canim . The door opened and someone entered the room . He heard a click and the light flooded the room . Martins shielded his eyes with his palm and waited for his eyes to adjust to the light . He looked up and Detective Muritala was standing in front of him ? Detective Muritala sat and looked Martins in the eye . They needed a way to communicate without alerting the officers outside to what was going on . There was no piece of paper to write on . He did not understand or speak sign language and he never got around to learning Morse code . He had very limited options . " Don 't worry , they 'll come to you very soon . Just tell them , I have what they want but I 'm not releasing it until they get me out of here . " Martins said . " Before I leave , you have to give me something . " Detective Muritala said . " Some information . Don 't let the good officers outside think I 'm your errand boy . " Martins opened his eyes and sat up immediately . Light filtered in through a small window behind the room where he was held . It was morning . He had struggled to stay awake though the night . Detective Muritala had gone and was yet to return . He did not trust any of the other officers not to manhandle him . Better to be shot while you were awake than to be raped in your sleep . He 'd lost the battle against nature and didn 't even know it until now . Sometimes deep into the night , movement had stopped in front of his cell . They had probably gone home for the night ; they knew he was going nowhere . And that was a scary thought . He had a lot of confidence someone was going to pay his way out or break him out . But what if they didn 't ? He was not expecting anybody to come this early . He 'd expected that the whole morning would be spent in meetings , giving reports and patting each other 's backs for catching the thief . Stupid bureaucrats would give his rescuers all the time they needed to get him out . The door opened and the bald officer from the previous night entered . Only this time , he wore gloves and looked like he meant business . Something about his demeanor scared Martins . He 'd spent the whole of the previous day talking like he had something over the police but he did not . He had to continue the bluff though . The officer walked closer to him without saying a word . Martins had a foreboding something terrible was about to happen . The officer removed a small key from his pocket and reached for the handcuff on Martins ' hands . What on earth was going on ? Did Tiny Tony and his man send this man ? Well , the man did not know who he was dealing with . The officer pulled him up . " Hold a minute , let me catch my breath . " Martins said and breathed heavily for a few seconds . " You want to know where it is ? I left it in your wife 's … " Another punch to the stomach stopped him mid - insult . He coughed and spit out the blood in his mouth . This could be the end for him but it would very stupid for them to kill him when they did not have the Blue Canim yet . The officer pushed Martins on the table and held his throat with two strong hands . Martins struggled to get free but the weight of the officer was too much for him . He started to sweat and his he could not breathe . His eyes burned and his head hurt . He looked at the officer and it looked like he was not going to stop . April 19 , 2017The AftermathLordJosh It was the special night and everything was set for the job . He 'd never been more glad the Nigeria Police was not the FBI or NYPD . The Police had beefed up their security because of all the cash and valuables they were holding but still it was nothing a little creative thief could not get past . He walked into the police station through the front door . He wore no disguises , he was going in as Joseph Martins of Joe Martins Jewelry . The Martins everybody knew and could recognize . He wore tight navy blue trousers , a black T - shirt and a grey sweater with its zipper loose . It was a dull combination , the kind that wouldn 't get too much attention . It would also help him move through the darkness without been seen . He held a satchel . It was nothing but a satchel to everybody and they would find it so if they opened it but it had a secret compartment that held all the tools he needed . There was a Sergeant Bosede who had recently been posted to the Police Headquarters but he would not find her because her maternity leave started that week . He didn 't need the officer to find her but he needed to establish a reason for being in the station . He looked around the lobby ; there were a few armed officers , understandable considering what they held . They were smart enough not to show too much by bringing in too many officers though . Most people , even some officers in the station , did not know what they held . It was safer that way . Or so they thought . He looked at his watch again , it was 7 : 20 . Time for the next phase . He brought out his phone and typed . Detective Muritala was at the other end of the phone . The man was brilliant , way more than he 'd expected . He was desperate and that was good thing . The detective needed this to go well , almost as much as he needed it to . He hit the send button and waited . In one minute , the power will be cut off and everything will go black . He dipped his hands into his satchel and reached into the hidden compartment for the night vison goggles . Time was everything . As soon as the power went off , he needed to move . His eyes snapped open . He looked up and saw a woman standing in front of him . He was going to need to move in forty seconds , he could not be talking to anybody at that time . It was almost time . He looked up and saw one of the gun wielding officers looking at him . It did not matter because it was time for darkness . He looked down and waited for it . He looked at the light bulb above him , everything was fine . He looked at his watch , it was time . What on earth was happening with the Detective ? They 'd gone over the plan several times , why was he delaying ? The officer who was looking at him earlier , started towards him . Bloody , old , stupid detective was ruining this for him . He hated when things did not go to plan , it made him nervous and that was not good because the officer was already standing in front of him . He stood in front of Martins and his eyes went from his T - shirt to his sweater and his trousers . And then his eyes went to the satchel . Not the satchel , please . Martins ' hand was still on the goggles . He was already about two minutes late and he could do nothing without the goggles . That was if the stupid Detective ever got around to cutting the power . He needed to distract the officer from the satchel . Martins heard the officer retreat and he immediately pulled out the googles . He put them on and looked around the room . Most of the occupants of the room were taking it easy , they were used to power outages . The officer who was talking to him before was standing beside another one and the officer was pointing in his direction . Did they suspect him ? Were they coming for him ? He could not wait to find out . He looked at his watch , he had lost five minutes already . He got to the corridor leading to the store without any problem . Everybody was sitting still , waiting for the generator to come on . It never would , he had made sure of that but they did not know that . Some people had put on the torches on their phones but he walked without making any noise , most of them did not even hear him pass . The power outage was planned so it would coincide with the time they changed the guards at the door of the store . The blackout should have kept the door unguarded for a while but the Detective had delayed and now a new set of guards were posted at the door . He had a Taser in his satchel that could do the work but there was a great chance there would be noise and he would have to tie the officers . He didn 't have time for that . He had to do something else . He dug into his satchel and brought out a small high - power flashlight . He put it on and shone it in the direction of the officers . They immediately stood up and reached for their guns . " What are you doing here ? " Martins asked and before they could answer added . " How can you do your job when you can 't even see ? " The two of them walked away . Martins sighed . He could not believe that worked . It was a whole lot of help that the officers were drunk , they didn 't even bother to ask which office they were to report to to get their suspensions . He had no time to celebrate though . He knelt in front of the door , brought out his wrench and pick and went to work . They were stupid to use such a simple lock . But according to the Detective , changing the lock would draw the attention of people . It was still stupid . The locked clicked open and he pushed the door in . He entered the room and closed the door behind him . He looked around the room and shook his head at what he saw . It was a surprise no one else had broken into this place to steal the money . Cash lay on the ground in bundles and piles . If he wasn 't busy stealing something else , he would start hatching a plan to rob the station and steal all the cash . Focus ! He looked around for the safe that was supposed to hold the Blue Canim . According to Detective Muritala , it stood by itself , he could not miss it . But he was missing it at the moment . He walked around the room . There wasn 't much leg room , there was cash everywhere . A little stacking and arranging would have saved him all these stress . He pushed a stacked pack of dollars aside and saw the safe . He dragged it from under a pile of money he wished he could take too and carried it to the corner of the room . He set it down and set his satchel down beside it . He brought out a stethoscope and knelt beside the safe . He sighed deeply and placed the stethoscope beside the dial of the safe and turned it . It was a three combination lock and this could take a few minutes . It wasn 't his first time opening one of these safes but inside this safe was the Blue Canim ; that was enough to make him nervous . A lot could be going on outside but he had no time to think about that . He listened for the clicks and made a mental note of every number where he heard them . He was hot , sweat streamed down his face . Three minutes later and he gotten two of the combination numbers . That was faster than he expected . Maybe he would make up for the time he 'd lost before . He heard another click and that was it , he had the three numbers he needed . He smiled , time to meet you baby . He turned the dial to the first number , he heard the fence fall into the wheel notch . He turned again and the second fence fell . This was going great . He was about to turn the dial the third time when he heard voices outside the door . Had they found him ? Did the drunk officers tell somebody something ? He stopped and listened . The seconds dragged and felt like hours but he knew he could not move until he knew for sure the voices were not coming into the store . The door of the store opened and two people ; a man and a woman entered . It was the woman who had come to talk to him about Sergeant Bosede . Did she lead the officer here ? He stayed still and watched . They held torchlights but he was safe behind a huge stack of money . If and when they came around that huge stack , there was no escape for him . He dipped his hand in the satchel and gripped the Taser ; he would not go down without a fight . The man and the woman whispered to each other , he could not hear their words but it looked like they were not here for him . They were opportunists trying to steal part of the money . He was not surprised . Frankly , he expected more than just two people . He had no idea how long this people would spend in the store . He could not wait forever . He turned the dial again and the third fence fell into place . The safe was unlocked . All he had to do was pull the safe - door open . He took a deep breath and pulled the door . The hinges of the door creaked and Martins stopped . The other occupants of the room must have heard too because they were silent too . He ducked lower and waited to see what would happen . A couple of seconds later , he heard the door close softly . He looked ; they were gone . That was good but it wouldn 't be good for long . There was a huge chance they would send officers in his direction . He opened the safe totally and he could feel his heart racing . He was about to meet the real Blue Canim . He shone his flashlight into the safe and there it was . It sat there among the gold chains and diamond rings like a King , lost in the market in a town where no one knew who he was . Martins picked up the ring and smiled . At last , he had the Blue Canim . The door burst open and he dove to the floor . He heard the sound of boots on the floor , several flashlights swept through the room . They had found him . One of the boots moved towards him . His Taser would do some damage but it could not get him out . Was this it ? All these years of stealing and building his empire would be lost ? Wura ! He 'd been so lost in what he was doing he 'd forgotten his baby . He had to escape even if he would be shot . Wura was not going to grow up without a father . Martins kissed the Blue Canim , picked up his Taser and waited , ready to move . He would get out of this . He loved his daughter too much , he would get out of this . He heard a deep , crushing thud and for a second he could tell where the sound came from . Then his eyes began to water and he felt dizzy . He heard the sound again and this time it was accompanied by a searing pain in his head . He tried to stand but his legs were no longer functioning . He touched his head and felt something liquid on his head . It was not water . He looked up and saw an officer with the butt of a gun aimed at his head . April 12 , 2017The AftermathLordJosh Martins rolled the ring in - between his thumb and his forefinger . It was beautiful , made from 24 karats gold and Cullinan Diamond . It was large , one centimeter in diameter . The head of a Lion was edged on the ring and it had the words ' Dum vivimus , vivamus ' engraved on the inner circumference . It was a great thing , the Blue Canim . It was not meant to worn , it was meant to be worshipped . He looked at the ring in his hand and threw it against the wall . It wasn 't the real thing . He 'd owned several replicas of the Blue Canim , some of them very expensive but none of them could satisfy his hunger for it . Now he was close to holding the real thing he was besieged with doubt . Too many things plagued his mind . There was the problem of the two women who had been killed right after he robbed them . He no longer trusted Tiny Tony , there was that . And now , he was not sure how much the Detective knew about him and his side hustle . He 'd done this for almost two decades without getting caught , why would he throw it all away from one ring ? Except this wasn 't one ring ; this was the Blue Canim . RoseAnn was coming over later to discuss their trip , that part scared him too . He 'd finally found someone he could give his heart to , was the Blue Canim worth losing that relationship for ? And if he was caught , would she still date him when the whole world knew he was a thief ? Too many questions . He needed a break . He picked up his car keys and headed for the door . The fake Blue Canim caught his attention and he picked it up . He looked at it and put it in his pocket , it was better no one else saw this around him . It was the damn detective again . This was a sign , he was not doing this job again . No way , there was too much heat headed his way . " No , I 'm not . " The Detective said . " I could find evidence and get you locked up but that 's not what I want to do . I 'm here to propose something to you . " " I don 't know what you think you know about me , " Martins said . " But this sounds like a big joke to me . Let 's say you are right and I 'm a thief , why on earth will I need your help ? " " I know you did it . I could help them find evidence connecting you to the murder . I already have one and it 's only a matter of time before a team of more funded , trained and equipped people find out more . " Martins wanted to scoff at everything the Detective was saying but he could not . He was afraid the man was right . But there was no way he could take him up on his offer . At the end of the day , the man was still law enforcement . " No , I 'm not , that would be stupid . But being a father , you will understand what 's going through my mind . I don 't know anybody else who can help with me this amount of money that is why I 'm throwing away my integrity and reputation by coming to you . " " I hope you change your mind . " The Detective said and stood . " My son doesn 't have a long time but please call me if you do . " Martins stood and watched the Detective walk out of the office . He understood the Detective 's willingness to throw away his career for his son 's life . He should be able to do the same for his daughter . He would . But first , the Blue Canim . Martins stood by the car waiting for the bell to ring . He 'd made up his mind on what he would do . He was going for the Blue Canim but he could not concentrate with RoseAnn and Wura in town . He was not even sure where he had to break into to steal the Blue Canim yet . There was always a chance of him getting caught and he would not want his girls in town for that either . The bell rang , school was over for the day . For the term for his daughter and Aunt RoseAnne . He saw them coming out of the school hand in hand and he smiled . It wasn 't just a facial movement but the smile came from deep within . They made him happy and he would have nothing tamper with that . " Exactly . Wura has spent time with you in school but how many hours have you spent together , alone ? I know she looks so nice now but after a few days , she may not look so nice anymore . Maybe by the end of the week , you will pull out of the trip all together . " Martins sat across from Tiny Tony , listening but also watching the man . They were joking around , talking about different jobs they had pulled together . Martins was laughing at all the jokes and he even told some but he never forgot that Tiny Tony was not to be trusted . The police station wasn 't an easy target . He 'd stolen things from a military barracks before but that was still a residential area . This types of jobs worked better with a team . And more importantly , an inside man . The Detective ! Having the detective on his team would be a great advantage for him , if he could guarantee that the Detective will not sell him out . Tiny Tony knew this and Martins knew this too . The Detective would be a perfect insider . He was experienced and knowledgeable . He was known for his integrity so he probably won 't be the first suspect . But it was dangerous . Maybe he could find another person . It might take a little time but he would find another person . Love was not a good thing . Or maybe Parenthood was what he should blame . A week ago he was just a guy , living a simple uneventful life . He had integrity , he was honest and he had no affiliations with evil . But now , he had offered to help a thief and murderer and he was about to sell another piece of his soul now . " I know how junior detectives make money here . I know how they paid for their SUVs and Dubai trips , I just want a little bit of that . But for my son . " " I 'm not telling you anything you don 't know about . I 've been here for a long time and I know what I know . Please , just help me out . " Detective Muritala stood . " You are going to regret this . I know a lot more than you think . I may be old but I know every trick in the book and you are going to find out what it means to cross me . " He pushed his chair aside and walked out of the office . He closed the door behind him and leaned his head against the wall . This was his last point of call . Was he really this useless ? April 5 , 2017The AftermathLordJosh He looked at the necklace , shook his head and threw it on the table . He did not understand art at all . The necklace was not even made of gold , how could it cost so much ? But it wasn 't his job to care about the art or what it cost , his job was to handle business . And business was good when your best allies were not questioning you . He looked at Tiny Tony seated in front of him , he admired the man . He was a businessman to the core . He did his job , collected his pay and never asked questions . But he was also a man who valued contracts ; written or spoken . It was ironic how a man with so much integrity would be involved in the re - acquisition business . He didn 't have time to enjoy the irony though , Tiny Tony was clearly unhappy . " Look Tony , I apologize if you are angry and I understand . Believe me I do . " He said . " But you have to understand my situation too . I don 't call the shots and you know that . " " You gave me your word man to man . " Tiny Tony said . " All I had to do was poke around a little and I found out you were the one behind the hit . How long do you think it will take for Martins to find you ? " He smiled , walked around his desk and sat on the edge . Tiny Tony had to raise his neck at a bigger angle to look at him . He 'd learnt that little things like this mattered in power play . " Martins is a craftsman , a very good one but still a craftsman . He doesn 't have the brain for business or strategy that you and I have . That is why he will continue to work for us . " Tiny Tony laughed . " Work for us ? Martins is done . He doesn 't trust me anymore which means he doesn 't trust anyone . He won 't take a job even if you promised him the seven kingdoms . " " It is a game of thrones reference . What I 'm saying is , Martins won 't take any job anymore . Not from me , not from you , not from the President of the World . " He understood what he was saying and he had also had that doubt but not anymore . Men like Martins could not help what they were . He was a thief and he could never stop . He could go dark for a while , but that wouldn 't be for long . " I don 't care . It wasn 't the years I was counting , it was the number of times you 'd told me a lie . It had always been zero until yesterday . " " Will you let that go already ? " The old boy was stubborn . " I lied , I 'm sorry . My boss wanted the woman dead , what was I supposed to do ? Consider your feelings ? " Idiot ! He 'd just wasted a perfectly good phone on a perfectly useless man . He could not believe Tiny Tony had the nerve to ask him to do a job . The man used to be one of his most trusted allies but he was fast becoming one of the people he wished he could kill . It was not going to matter for much longer . He was leaving the country in a couple of weeks with his daughter and RoseAnn . After a long summer of fun and reflection he was sure he was not coming back to this life . The phone rang on the floor . He looked at the phone , so it wasn 't dead yet . He picked it up and looked , the screen was broken ; he couldn 't even see who was calling . He slid his finger from left to right on the screen . He winced as the glass cut him a little . He dropped the phone on a couch and began to pace . He was confused . A part of him screamed for him to let it go but he couldn 't . That part of him did not understand how much he wanted this . This was the jewelry that took down his mentor . His mentor had tried stealing the Blue Canim and like everybody else who did he was caught . He had so many big jobs in his time : he had stolen in a government house , he had stolen from a minister 's convoy , he had even stolen from a general in the army barracks but none of these compared to stealing the Blue Canim . If he did this and pulled it off , it was proof he was better than his mentor . Atletes gave their all to break Olympic records , Astronauts defied logic to access new planets , he would do all he could to steal the Blue Canim . Detective Muritala watched the man pour himself a cup of coffee . He 'd once been addicted to coffee himself so he always looked with pity when people casually poured coffee like it was water . There was something not so casual about this Mister Joe Martins though . He was not panicky or shifty or any of the things that generally aroused his attention , in fact he was normal . Too normal . He acted with too much ease , as if he was trying to stay calm . Martins smiled , he was back to his cool guy disguise . " If I did Detective , I would tell you . Anybody who is out there stealing jewelry is my enemy as much as yours . I should be the one most afraid of him . " " Mister Martins , I don 't know what you think about me or the institution I represent but I really need your help here . The woman this necklace was stolen from is somebody important to me . She was murdered , I need to find out who did this . " He stood , he 'd seen enough , Mister Martins knew about the stolen items . He was probably helping the thief sell the stolen items . As soon as he was back from Kaduna , he would get a warrant to search the store . Detective Muritala walked out of the office and left the door open . He 'd seen that little man somewhere before . Was he linked with the robbery ? Was that why Martins was nervous ? Detective Muritala stopped and looked back and his eyes met Martin 's as he closed the door . He remembered where he 'd seen the little man before . This was no longer a guess , Mister Joe Martins was definitely connected to the robberies . Detective Muritala arrived at the hospital barely hanging on . He was tired and weak . His shirt stuck to his body with sweat and his collars were soaked . This was not the first impression he wanted to make on his son . The boy probably thought he was an irresponsible father who abandoned his mother but at least he shouldn 't look like a loser while he made his apologies . He had to clean up a little . He walked to the attendant at the reception and got directions to the bathroom . He entered and crashed on top of a toilet seat . He let out a couple of sighs and leaned back in the seat . His tiredness was not entirely due to the journey , it was partly mental . He was not sure how he was supposed to tell Sekiya their sponsor was dead . It was even tougher since he truly could not provide the money his son needed . He wanted to cry , tears had welled up in his eyes and they were ready to fall . He grabbed a tissue and dabbed at his eyes , he was not going to cry . If what Sekiya told him was accurate , he still had a couple of days to gather the money . And he would , even if he had to give his life for it . He was about ten feet away from the room when he heard the commotion . He forgot all about his tiredness and ran . Oh God , please . He got to the door of the room and made to enter but a nurse stopped him . The nurse pushed him out and closed the door in his face . He wanted to punch the door open but that was not going to do him or his son any good . What was happening in there ? Was his son dying ? Was he dead ? He had to meet his son before he died . But no , he was not going to die Insha Allah , he would make sure of it . " No Musa , he 's not dead . " She said and he sighed , alhamdulilah . " But he 's dying . We need to find Mariam . " No , there was no way he was going to allow his son to die . He would save his son even if he had to sell his soul to do it . Even if he had to sell it to a jewelry thief . March 29 , 2017The AftermathLordJosh Detective Muritala looked at the picture of Ahmad , his son who he knew nothing about for twenty six years . Muritala didn 't think the boy looked a lot like him ; he had his mother 's beauty and her tenderness . But his eyes gave him away . They had a fierceness that Muritala 's had when he was younger . Detective Muritala set the picture down . He was not sure what to feel about this whole thing anymore , now he had time to process it . He had a son , something he had wanted for so long even though he could never commit enough to have but the son was dying . He stood from his chair and looked out through his window . He did not understand the obsession of the western world with views but he could certainly use a good view at the moment . The only thing he saw from his window were little children coming out of the police barracks ; some going to school , others going to hawk . He was not in the mood to look at children or worry about their problems . He needed a distraction . The DPO had requested to see him twice in a week , he had a son : he was definitely having a strange week . He started towards the DPO 's office . He did not shave that morning , another first in a long time but he did not expect to see anybody important . Definitely not the DPO . He got to her office , knocked and walked in . " I 'm on it . I 've interviewed a few people , you will have something on your desk very soon . " It was a lie , he was not preparing anything anymore . Not since he heard about his son . Detective Muritala turned around and headed for the door . A part of him wanted to finish this case , one last halleluiah before he said goodbye to the force but he had a son now , one who really needed him . He got to the door and opened it . He walked out of the room and closed the door behind him . He was not sure if he should be relieved she was taking the cases from him or he should be insulted . He was not going to decide , he had something else to worry about . As soon as he was done with this White Agate business , he was going to Kaduna to be with his son . Martins entered the house , trying his best to keep from running . He was fuming so much he could almost feel the heat coming out through his nose . Tiny Tony 's house was anything but tiny . It had only two floors but was so tall it was absurd . This detail always puzzled him but his height was a very sensitive subject for Tiny Tony so Martins had never broached the subject of his tall house . Tiny Tony 's feelings was the last thing on his mind at the moment though . Martins did not wait for him to finish the sentence before he landed a punch on his nose . Tiny Tony fell backwards and his towel fell off . Martins had never imagined fighting a naked man but he was too angry to stop . He jumped on Tiny Tony and landed another punch , this time on his mouth . He raised his hand to throw another punch but Tiny Tony landed one of his own . The punch connected with Martin 's ribcage and he groaned . " Okay Joe . I 'll tell you what you need to know . " Tiny Tony said . " The client who wanted the necklace , I don 't know who it is . " " I 'm not messing with you . " Tiny Tony moved closer to Martins . " I didn 't meet the client personally . I don 't meet all my clients in person , you know that . " " People know how to contact me when they need to . " Martins said then added . " Before you ask , there 's no way to trace this person . " Martins downed the glass of scotch at a go and swallowed a small cube of ice . That was not good . He coughed till his eyes were red and watery . It looked like nothing was going well for him today , not even drinking . He poured another cup and took a sip . He had a lot to think about but his mind was numb . Alcohol was not the solution but it certainly could not make things worse . Someone was framing him . Someone with enough resources to murder the woman inside the White Agate when everybody was on high alert . Someone who knew who he was going to steal from . Someone who probably shouldn 't be messed with . He drank the scotch and poured another cup . Was he wrong to trust Tiny Tony ? The man was his friend but like any other person in their business , he put money before anything else . Tiny Tony was not a great thief , he wasn 't a great liar either , he looked like he was telling the truth when he said he had no idea who was behind all these . Or maybe he had been paid enough money to learn how to lie . He heard footsteps coming from behind him and he sprung to his feet . No one was going to kill him in his own house . He looked back and it was RoseAnn . He smiled . There were several smart come - backs he could throw back at her but none of them came to mind so he just continued smiling . Nothing really was going well . " She 's gone to her room . " RoseAnn said . She looked at the half - empty bottle of scotch . " Are you drinking straight from the bottle ? " He looked at her and wondered how lucky it would be to have her as his woman . She was perfect . She was light - skinned , long legged , with the shapeliest hips he had seen all his life . Her lips looked supple , ready to be kissed and he hoped he would get to , someday soon . He smiled at his own vanity . It was nice to lust after something that wasn 't gold or diamond . " Okay , I have to ask another question . Money , how did it come ? Did you work in heaven and come to the earth to enjoy or do teachers make this much ? " He laughed and leaned back in the chair . She was right , what he had wasn 't too shabby . Why did he need to wait until some maniac ruined everything for him ? Detective Muritala trudged along the corridor to the room where the lady was murdered . It was his first time in The White Agate and the hotel made him angry . This was the kind of place he should have visited more often when he was younger . This was the kind of place he should have brought Sekiya and Ahmad to . Instead he had spent his life at a job where he was not appreciated and he would not be remembered as soon as he retired . He 'd spent his life being bitter and unhappy . His phone rang and the guard leading him to the room looked back at him . He loved to see the look on people 's face when they heard his ringtone . Yes , he still used a monotone , monochrome phone and he did not care what people thought about it . She did not continue but she did not say goodbye . Detective Muritala knew what that meant . She was still the same old Sekiya . This was her cue for him to press for more information . Detective Muritala contemplated what she 'd said . He had no response , at least not a good one . He honestly could not afford the test if it was as expensive as she was making it sound . " After we found the cut , I suspected the murderer had hurriedly taken off her necklace , something like that . My suspicions were confirmed when we checked security footage of her coming into the hotel last night . She had a necklace on , we have looked through the whole room ; the necklace is not here . " The guard handed him the passport . He opened and looked at the dates , the guard was right she had just come in . And people wonder why Nigerians in diaspora prefer to stay abroad . He looked at her name . March 22 , 2017The AftermathLordJosh Martins picked up the bottle of water from the seat beside him and downed the entire content of the bottle . He stepped out of his car and locked the door . He was parked some meters away from the hotel . He did not want much attention . A man in blue overalls coming out of a Mercedes Benz CLS 350 would get people 's attention . He held his briefcase tight , it held all the tools he needed . Well , except his brain . He was using more brain power than brute power for this job , his tools needed his biggest tool to function well . He got to the gate and showed his ID to the guard . The guard had probably seen a dozen technicians come to fix one thing or the other , he didn 't even look at Martins twice . It also helped that the ID was from Helix Engineering , the company the hotel used . Martins entered the hotel and stopped . The White Agate hotel was palatial . It wasn 't very tall ; only four stories but its height or lack of , took nothing away from its beauty . The walls were white and the roof was golden brown . Martins admired the hotel . He would bring RoseAnne to the place sometime in the future , if she ever agreed to go out with him . The hotel had a very well done landscape and a magnificent driveway , something that would be a problem if what he was stealing was large . He shook his head , he was here to steal , not admire the architecture of the hotel . The hotel was the type where a thief would be noticed in one minute . The hotel reception had six cameras that left no part uncovered , especially the entrance . That was not good . They had guards at the door who had guns and sophisticated communication systems . That was not good either . That meant there was no getting into the hotel without someone seeing him . He needed to get in without leaving any trace because once the woman noticed she had been robbed , they would check every camera . No thief worth his salt would get caught by camera though and he was worth every pinch of that salt . There was a back door into the hotel , fortunately , there was only one camera here . His plan was simple but he needed everything to go right . He rubbed his fake moustache and smoothened the artificial side burns . Even if somehow the cameras caught him , no one would recognize him but still he wasn 't taking that chance . He got the door and pushed it in . The voice stopped him . He 'd not expected anybody here , but he did not have to panic yet . He turned in the direction of the voice , it was a guard . That was not good . " My man , " Martins said . " Please , this is the third time this is happening this month . It happened a few days ago at Four Points . I forgot something that almost got us in trouble and my boss already said that was my last chance . If you call somebody now , this is it . " " My brother please . " Martins said and moved closer to the guard . " I 've had a lot on my mind , that 's why this happened . My wife died last year and last month the doctor diagnosed my daughter of cancer . I 've not even told my boss , I don 't know what to do . " He sighed and walked off . He had already spent more time than he planned entering the hotel . He hurried through a dark corridor and came out inside a large store . The store held supplies , things that probably would have interested him when he first started out . But he was a big deal now , he no longer had time for small things . He set his briefcase on the floor and opened it . He removed his tablet and opened the phonebook . He dialed the number marked ' target ' . In a few seconds a woman 's voice came from the other end of the phone . " Good evening Madam . We are sorry to disturb your evening but we have noticed an electrical fault in your room and we are sending a technician to check it out for you ma . " Martins said . " Yes ma , it was detected by our engineers . We will hate for this to become a bigger problem in the middle of the night ma . Our technician will be in and out of there in five minutes . " Martins smiled . She bought it , Plan A worked perfectly . He returned the tablet into the briefcase . He owed Kamal a bottle of wine for helping him hack the hotel 's phone network . It had made the call his simplest option . He opened the door at the other end of the store and came out inside the kitchen . The cooks were so busy they didn 't pay him much attention . He was counting on that . He stepped inside the restaurant and went up the stairs without anybody noticing him . There was no avoiding cameras here but it was better than riding the elevator . He walked , placing one foot gently after the other , careful not to walk too fast or too slow . Two minutes later he stood in front of Room 78A , this was it . He knocked and waited . He kept his head down , pretending to check something on his briefcase . The door opened and Martins paused , taken aback by the beauty of the woman . She was light skinned , very flashy . She was the kind of woman that would make a jealous husband kill himself . Even though she wore a turtleneck sweatshirt , he could see enough to know she was his kind of woman , not only by her face . He recovered his senses very fast and walked into the room . He was not here for the lady . He made sure the woman did not look into his eyes , that part was not disguised at all . He looked around the room , it was large and beautiful . The White Agate didn 't do anything mediocre . The bed was large and was covered with the most beautiful duvets he had ever seen . On the wall was a large painting of a beautiful Fulani girl leaning on a power bike . Martins looked around the room , the woman had a half drunk glass of wine on the table . That made his job very easy . The biggest question was , where was the necklace ? " Yes ma ' am . I 'll have to check some wiring in your bathroom . Could you please go in , see if there 's any personal stuff you want to remove ? " She stepped out of the bathroom . Now , he had to hope the woman took the wine . And on time . He entered the bathroom and closed the door . He had no repairs to make , all he had to do was sit down and wait till the drugs in the wine took effect . A couple of minutes passed and Martins heard no sound from the room . Was she out or was she just quiet ? Had she even taken the drink ? He could not open the door to find out . He heard a muffled voice call . The phone was still on . He ran to the phone and hung up . That was not very helpful but hopefully the kitchen would mind their business . He opened the wardrobe and pulled out a large box . He looked at the woman and for the first time in a long time , felt bad for stealing from somebody . He had no time for sentiments though so he opened the bag . Where are you , precious ? The phone rang and he jumped . The kitchen was probably calling back , he let the phone ring . He went back to the box . He removed clothes , lots of clothes . If the woman was in the country for just a few days , why did she have so many clothes ? The necklace was not in the box . The phone started to ring again . He looked at it and looked away . There was nothing else in the wardrobe or the room . He removed every cabinet , checked under every chair and table . There was a problem , he had to move the woman off the bed first . Even passed out , she looked beautiful . She deserved the necklace , it was meant for beauties like her not for whoever Tiny Tony got the job from . He no time for this , he was a professional and he had a job to do . He put his hands under the woman 's back and lifted her . She groaned . Crap ! He stopped and stood still . She wasn 't supposed to be awake yet . She wasn 't . He held her tighter , lifted her and carefully placed her on the rug . He removed the bed coverings and lifted the mattress ; there was nothing there . The phone rang again . This time he paid no attention to the phone . Did Tiny Tony send him on a fool 's errand ? Did the woman know she was going to be robbed ? Was this a trap ? He picked up his briefcase , he had to leave immediately . Was Tiny Tony trying to set him up ? He got to the door and looked back . Maybe he was missing something . He looked at the woman on the floor - her turtleneck . He ran back to the woman and pulled the neck of the shirt lower ; there it was . She was wearing the damn thing . Whew . He was glad he had taken that last look . He loosened the jewelry off her neck and smiled . Another job , done and dusted . He opened the briefcase , placed the necklace in it and locked it . Alright , time to leave . He opened the door and stepped out . He pinned his ID to his pocket and started for the staircase . He 'd taken only two steps when he saw two security men walking towards him . They 'd seen him so he could not run . If he was lucky then maybe they didn 't see what room he came out from . He walked towards them , as casual as he could . They already had their eyes on him . His briefcase was his biggest problem , it was too expensive and it looked it . He got to the men and smiled . He hoped the number would throw them off . They eyed him and walked away . He sighed , that was close . He walked fast now , there was no need for finesse anymore ; he just needed to get out . And as soon as the words came out of his mouth he knew he had made a mistake . The rooms on that floor ended at 80A . There was no 82A . He turned around and ran . Buffy 's partner followed him and he could hear Buffy talking ; the whole hotel was going to be looking for him in five seconds . He ran through the corridor till he got to the stairs . He ran down the stairs as fast as his feet could carry him , skipping as many steps as he could without falling . Buffy 's partner was close , maybe he should stop and fight the guy . It was a stupid idea though . He 'd missed , well , ended all his karate classes for the past two years and he had fought nobody in those two years . He would be killed by the Van Damme chasing him in two seconds . He got the end of the stairs and jumped out into the restaurant . A few people looked in his direction and he stopped running . He walked very fast to the kitchen door . From the corner of his eyes he saw another security officer sight him and head in his direction . Great , now Chuck Norris had joined the chase . He entered the kitchen and grabbed a knife from the sink . Yeah , like that ever worked . He opened the door into the large store he 'd entered through and ran to the exit door . He opened it , stopped and looked around . He picked up a big iron spoon and knocked off the handle with it . He jumped out of the store and closed the door behind him . No one could follow him out through that door now . He ran through a dark corridor for the back door , he was just a few seconds from his escape . The guard ! He had to deal with the guard at the door . Maybe he would be lucky and the guard would not know he was the one they were looking for . He slowed his pace as he approached the back door . He looked and the guard was asleep . What ? He could not believe his luck . He walked quickly and quietly towards the door , towards his escape . The man turned around to pick a paper and Martins hit him on the head as hard as he could . The man dropped down , cold . Martins shook his head and stepped out of the building . There was no way he could make it out of the gate without getting caught . He would have to do it old school . He looked at the fence , it wasn 't too high but he could still break something jumping down from it . Maybe there was another way . He looked and three guards were running in his direction . There was no other way , he was jumping . He could not jump with the briefcase . He threw it across the fence and in two seconds , he was on the fence himself . He looked at the guards , one of them had a gun . He jumped down , picked the briefcase and ran for his car . He removed the fake moustache and sideburns and stuffed them in his pocket . He got to his car and jumped in . He locked the doors and tried to calm his breath . That was close . He removed his overalls and threw them under the seat of the car . He was not safe yet , he had to leave . He started the car , turned it around and headed towards the hotel . His plan was simple . The guards were not likely to suspect him because of his car and they would probably be paying more attention to the cars leaving the hotel . He got to the gate of the hotel and stopped . " Guys , " A muffled voice came off the guard 's walkie - talkie . " The situation is now Code Red . I repeat the situation is now Code Red . The guest is dead . " About LordJosh Writes Every life is a story and we will make yours better with great stories . Entertaining , funny , suspenseful and sleep - depriving stories . Who cares about sleep anyway when a character is about to get killed ? Sleep is for the bored ! |
" I 'm going to get you out of here , I promise . " Martins said then turned to the man . " Where is your boss , I need to talk to him , now ! " Martins still could not wrap his head around what was going on . If RoseAnne was their boss , it would mean she was the one who set him up at the station . She was the one who kidnapped herself and Wura . That made no sense . " Everything . " RoseAnne responded . " Killed the people you robbed , fed you the news about the Blue Canim , made sure you were arrested , kidnapped your daughter and girlfriend , everything . " Martins staggered backwards and dropped into a chair . How could she have done all of this and he did not know ? He loved her , at least he believed he did . This made no sense . " It was fun . " RoseAnne said . " To see someone run so hard towards his own death , get obsessed with the person who wants to kill him , so much fun . " He grinded his teeth together and tried hard to stay still . He had spent time , money , energy , chasing this woman and she was the one who was the source of all his troubles ? This was hard to take , hard to understand and maybe he never would understand but he had to know what her plan was . With him , with his daughter . He could not believe he had put his daughter in the care of somebody so evil . " Honestly , I don 't care . " Martins said . " I just want to know what you plan to do . My daughter , where is she ? " " Oh , calm yourself . I already have her . I 'll tell her daddy died and I 'll be there for her . You know she already loves me . " Martins had not considered the possibility of rescue . Mostly because he did not know if he needed rescuing or not . Everything was still confusing . Was RoseAnne actually going to harm him ? If she was , which it increasingly looked likely , he had to find a way to get out of here . Or at least hope somebody on the outside would come to his rescue . The chances of that happening were slim though . " We can talk about it where we are going . " RoseAnne said then turned to the tall man . " Get the girl and the detective into the Hilux , we 'll leave in five minutes . " " I like your daughter . " She said . " I 've always loved to have a little girl but there 's no way I 'm sacrificing this great body to pregnancy . Wura just solves that problem for me . " Martins pondered her face for a couple of seconds . So she knew he was a thief all this while ? While he was pretending to be a good person , wooing her , she knew what he was ? He felt so ashamed of himself then he was angry for allowing himself to be played . " I was sixteen and we were having a late dinner at home . It was one of those nights when my dad came back late from a trip . We were about finishing the food when we heard a loud knock on our door . Guess who it was ; armed robbers in face masks . " He remembered the job now . It was his last job as an armed robber , it was the one that made up his mind . But still , he did not kill anybody on that job . " Not that bad ? " RoseAnne laughed dryly . " The butt of your gun caused internal bleeding in his head , he was dead in less than twenty four hours . " " You think money is everything ? I loved my dad and you took him from me . " She walked closer to Martins , the clicking of her heels on the ceramic tiles raising the tension in Martins ' body . " But you are right , money is great . I devoted a lot of it to finding you . I found your old gang easily and had them all killed but you , it was as if you 'd dropped off the crime world . But you know , all I had to do was wait and you eventually turned up . " She paused and looked at him . " I have to be honest my plans didn 't quite work but it doesn 't matter , we are still at the right end point . I 'm going to kill you today , finally get over my father 's death and raise your daughter as mine . " " I am sorry about your father RoseAnne , I truly am . He 's the reason I have never done a job with a gun . Please let Wura return to her mother , she has nothing to do with this . " " Oh she does . She 's going to know what it feels like to live without a father . She 's fortunate I will care for her , unlike my mother . " RoseAnne walked out of the room and in less than a minute returned with a gun . Martins recognized the gun . It was a local gun , like the one he carried the day he robbed her family . Martins dropped to his knees and raised his hands . " RoseAnne please , you don 't have to do this . You know I did not kill your father intentionally . Shooting me now is not justice … " She moved behind him and Martins closed his eyes . He waited for the gunshot but it didn 't come . He opened his eyes and turned back to look at RoseAnne and at that moment he saw the butt of the gun come down and hit his head . He crashed to the ground , his head exploding in pain . Martins tried to stand up but she hit him again on the head . For a few seconds or minutes , he could not tell , he felt numb and his eyesight blurred . There was a dull ringing in his head and he felt like his heart was no longer beating . Martin laid on the ground waiting to die . Even if the blows to his head were not enough to kill him , he knew RoseAnne would come back to finish what she had started . If anybody had asked him how he was going to die , he would never have said ' at the hands of the woman he loved ' . Martins sat at the back of the police car , his hands handcuffed behind his back . He was not sure if he should be grateful or sad . He was not going to die at the hands of RoseAnne but these agents weren 't much better . RoseAnne paused and nodded . " You are right . As soon as these cops clear out of here , I 'll get rid of her and get out of the country . I 'll have to pay someone to finish you off . That is if you are not already bleeding inside . " She was going to kill Wura ? No , she wouldn 't . She couldn 't . Martins could not believe he had once being in love with this girl . How did she hide all this hate from him ? " Hey , one more thing . " RoseAnne said . " Check this out . " She dug her hands in her pocket and brought out something . The Blue Canim ! " Oh yeah , my guys found it . I have the two things you love the most . " Martins saw Agent Sanni walking towards the car . He had to do something . They would not take his word over RoseAnne 's . She was a beautiful victim , he was a criminal already caught in the act . But he had to do something . " Agent , you have to believe me . I didn 't know it at first too but she 's the mastermind behind all these . " Martins said , hoping desperately the agent would believe him . " Ask Detective Muritala , he heard everything she said to me just now . " " Detective Muritala broke you out of jail , of course he 'll support you . " Agent Sanni said . " Well , it 's time for your questioning to resume and believe me , you will wish you had died here . " Agent Sanni shook his head and walked away . Martins bowed his head and hoped for the best . One minute later , Agent Sanni came back , holding the Blue Canim . Martins placed his hand over the swollen spot on his head . The prison doctors had checked him and they said he was not bleeding internally and he was going to survive . He was going to survive the head injuries but he knew there was a big chance he might not survive here in jail . He was not physically or emotionally stable enough to live the prison life . RoseAnne had disappeared into thin air . They were still looking for her but what were the chances she would actually be found ? Wura had gone to stay with her mother . That was the part that hurt him the most . He could not see his baby . Her mother had refused to let her visit and had even told Wura he was dead . Maybe it was better if he was . He stood up from the floor and looked around the cell room . There was nothing here he could use to kill himself . Except maybe starve himself to death . He followed the guard into a room and sat there . Whoever this lawyer was , he was going to fire him immediately . He didn 't need anyone defending him , he wanted to be punished . " That is exactly why I 'm here . " Tiny Tony said . " I 've got good news and I 've got good news . Which do you want to hear first ? " " The old detective , remember him ? Well , they released him on bail yesterday but he won 't be coming back . I got him and his woman in Ghana with Wura waiting for you . " May 17 , 2017The AftermathLordJosh Detective Muritala sat in front of his boss and like every time it had happened , he wished he didn 't have to . She looked at him with suspicion , almost as if she knew what he wanted to talk about . He 'd thought about several ways he could get Martins out of the station and from the hand of his torturers and he realized he needed the help of someone higher than him . " The very one . " He had caught her attention now . " It makes sense if you think about it . He owns a jewelry store , the thief steals jewelry . " He 'd thought about this carefully . She didn 't know about Martins ' arrest yet . The headquarters were keeping it under wraps and he was grateful they did . " This isn 't unprecedented . " He said . " And I 'm not cutting them out of the investigation , I just need to question him here on my turf . " " This won 't affect you in anyway . " Detective Muritala said . " I wouldn 't even have come to you if I had the authority to sign the necessary forms . " " If I close this case , you realize you get all the credit ? " She liked that . " And all I need is bring him here , question him , return him to them and we can put him away while they try to figure out what 's happening . " The bald officer - he actually still didn 't know the guy 's name , had promised once he got a letter requesting the prisoner transfer , he would find a way to get him out of the station . Once he was out of the gates of the police station , he had made arrangements for people to grab him . The plan was coming together already . Detective Muritala shook his head as he walked out of the DPO 's office . Breaking out a prisoner was the latest to be added to his list of sins . That list was growing longer every day now . But this would be the last he would do . Once he got Martins out and the man he 'd spoken to on the phone before paid him like he promised , he would get Shekiya and leave the country . The door opened and Martins looked up , the evil twins were back . If their faces were anything to go by , he was in a lot of trouble . He had given up on life now . He was going to rot here , if he didn 't die first . He would never see RoseAnne again or Wura . If they were still alive . " We don 't want to . " Agent Sanni said . " We have other people to interrogate . Just tell us what we want to know and you won 't see us ever again . " They both walked out of the room . Martins looked around , he was done with this . He was not going to be tortured any further . Even if it meant killing himself . The room was empty except for the table and chairs . There wasn 't much he could use to kill himself but he had to find something . He wasn 't going to be alive when the two demons came back . He shook the chair he sat on then he stood and hit it on the ground till it broke . He picked up the broken leg of the chair . It wasn 't the best weapon available but it would do the job . The only way he could use the piece of wood as a weapon was to stab himself . He sighed . He could not believe he had come to the point where he was considering suicide . Not just considering it , he was planning it . It was better if he died now though . It wasn 't like they would let him go anyway . At least now he could die without further torture . He picked up the piece of wood and lifted it up . He closed his eyes and gripped the wood as tight as he could . He had to do this once . If he survived the stab , he was in for a very terrible life afterwards . " Are you trying to break out ? " Agent Sanni asked and then turned to Detective Muritala . " And you were just going to stand there and watch him ? " " What on earth do you think you are doing ? " Agent Ponsah asked , his hands raised . " You are dead already , you know that , right ? " " I 'm transferring the prisoner . " Detective Muritala said . " You know what , I don 't want any trouble from you clowns . Hand me your phones now . " Martins was not sure if this was a breakout or a transfer like the Detective kept saying but at least he was out of the crazy cell with the crazy agents who were trying to get him mad . The Detective had a pass of some sorts that got him out of the station without further violence . Martins was thrown in the back of a police Hilux , beside the bald officer who was working for the person who hired him . Detective Muritala sat in front of the car with the driver . Two of the three people in the car were not clean , that much he knew . Was this a rescue mission ? If it was , who was the sponsor ? And where were they taking him ? A few seconds after the driver walked away , another man came and entered the car . Detective Muritala and the bald officer said nothing . The man started the car and drove into the road . Martins looked at the man , he was familiar . Yes , he remembered him now ; he was one of Tiny Tony 's men . This was a breakout . But this wasn 't necessarily good news for him . The bald officer beside him was the one who delivered the news of RoseAnne and Wura 's capture to him . He was probably going to be tortured again or worse they would make him watch while they tortured the girls . He leaned back in the car and shook his head . There was no point worrying ; he would cross that bridge when he got there . But he could not stop thinking about his daughter . She was too young to go through all of these . The ache hammered at his head like someone was splitting wood on his temple . He slowly opened his eyes and for a few seconds he did not know where he was . He looked around the small room . It was a painted pink , like Wura 's room . There was a pink train set that ran around the room and big pink teddy bear . Wura had those too . What the hell was happening ? He stood and immediately reached for a wall , his eyes swarm and tongue tasted salty . He looked down at his shirt and saw blood then he remembered the accident . A car had hit them . Maybe ' the accident ' wasn 't an accident . Where was Detective Muritala and the bald officer ? Did Tiny Tony have anything to do with this ? He dragged along the wall till he got to the door . He knocked on it . There was no answer . He raised his hand to knock again but the door swung open and he saw a tall man standing in front of him . The man was not familiar . Maybe he was one of the guys who worked for Tiny Tony . " I 'm going to get you out of here , I promise . " Martins said then turned to the man . " Where is your boss , I need to talk to him , now ! " May 10 , 2017The AftermathLordJosh The room was dark and Martins could not tell if it was day or night . He laid on the floor on his side . He was not sure how long he had been in that one position but he was sure he was not changing anytime soon . His body hurt all over , he was sure things were broken in different places . At some point he had expected to die but apparently the human body could take way more than he assumed . He did not even pass out once . His torturers knew what they were doing . They hurt him so much but only till the point his body could take it . They had taken a break but he was sure they would be back . And soon . This wasn 't even about the Blue Canim , they didn 't know about that . They were asking him a question he couldn 't quite answer . He did not know who originally got the information about where the seized properties were kept so there was no way he could give them that information . He could give them Tiny Tony 's name but they would never find him and so they 'll think he sent them on a wild goose chase . That wouldn 't reduce the torture at all . The door opened and he heard a set of boots enter the room . A switch clicked and light flooded the room . The light went straight into his eyes and shut them quickly . Martins struggled to push his legs out but they wouldn 't move . It was probably stupid that he had stayed in one position for so long . His body was now too stiff to move without excruciating pain . He wanted to cry . No , he was crying already . The tears were not falling yet but he was sobbing inside . This was not what he bargained for . Ponsah , the demoniac put his arm under him and pulled him up . He left Martins as soon as he was upright and he shouldn 't have . Martins crumbled back to the floor , his whole body shaking with the pain that coursed through it . " I already told you … " Agent Ponsah moved closer and Martins stopped . " Let me explain to you how I got his job , maybe that will help me . " " I have a contact , Tiny Tony . " That was the first time he was telling anybody about Tony but who cared , he was about to die anyway . " He got the job from somebody , I don 't know who , and told me about it . " Detective Muritala sat in front of the police station , his hands on his head . It was a posture of doom and gloom and it got him stares from passersby but that was exactly how he felt . His son was dead ? Everything he had done was for nothing ? He had soiled his name , soiled his hands , soiled his records and now it was all for nothing ? He did not even get to do anything for the son , nothing at all . Worse still , they never even met . He removed his hands from his head and covered his face with them . He wanted to cry but the tears did not come . He wanted to go throw himself off a tall building but that would mean standing up and he did not have the will to do even that . What was he to do now ? Shekiya would be devastated , the son was all she had . It was her fault this had happened to him . Why did she come ? Why didn 't she just stay with her son ? Why did she have to tell him he had a son ? Why did she have the son at all ? He looked up the stairs and saw the bald officer who had let him in to see Martins . He ignored the officer and looked ahead . He should probably go to Kano to be with Shekiya . But will she want to be with him ? He had left her all those years because of his stupid arrogance and now when she came back to him for help , he had done nothing . He was as useless now as he was then . Martins ? Die ? So what if he died ? He was a thief who had probably killed too , even though he insisted he hadn 't . Martins was a criminal who had successfully roped him into his crime , he did not care if he died . Detective Muritala shook his head . He could not imagine the depths of filth he had descended into just to save his son . He hated himself for what he had done . He hated everyone who helped him do it . Martins , especially . " I don 't have any relationship with him . " Detective Muritala cut him off . " He was a suspect in a few cases I was running and now he 's going to jail for sure so , that 's it . I 'm done with him . " The officer moved closer . " Who do you think you are kidding ? I don 't know exactly how , but I know you were involved in this robbery . " " I know you didn 't have anything to do with it , alright . " The officer said . " But let 's say you did . Are you sure you want him in there ? Are you sure he won 't mention your name to his torturers ? Are you sure he hasn 't already ? " Maybe it was time he headed for Kano . If Martins named him as an accomplice he could always just stay there . And if the heat got too much , he could move to Chad , he had people there . There was no need to wait anymore , he was leaving town . " That was not what I was expecting . " The person on the phone sounded genuinely surprised . " Sounds like you don 't care about your son anymore . " " Look detective , I am a desperate man here , okay ? I tried using the carrot , unfortunately that failed . Now I have to use the cane . " " No need for threats Detective . Just fulfil your end of the deal and I promise you I will fulfil my end . Your son may be gone but I 'm sure you and your woman could use some retirement fund . " Detective Muritala stayed quiet . He had gone to bed with a criminal once and he had lost everything he held dear , including the person for whom he did all these . Why on earth would he do the same again ? What was the assurance this terrible person on the phone will not harm Shekiya anyway ? Tiny Tony ended the call and set the phone down on the table . He could not believe that he was now down to the level of threatening women . Things had changed for him . For everybody . Martins was locked up , taking regular doses of beating . RoseAnne and Wura were not faring much better . Nobody had laid a hand on them , he had begged for that but they weren 't exactly in heaven . In less than a week , he had gone from a wealthy and connected business man who had a good criminal reputation to a person who betrayed his friend , threatened innocent people and ran errands for a pompous idiot . He sighed and stood . He walked to the window and looked out . He caught sight of a construction work going on just across the road from the building he was in . It was a gigantic building , probably owned by some corrupt politician in Abuja . He shook his head , who was he to judge a corrupt politician ? Martins was crazy but he was a good person . He 'd stolen much in his time but he 'd never hurt any of his targets . He had drugged them , he had gassed them , he had done all sorts of things he would go to hell for but he never permanently hurt any of them . He did not deserve to go down as the victim of his friend 's betrayal . He had to do something about it . The one person that had turned his life to this nightmare . Ojiji , as he liked to be called was a huge man . He was huge to men with average height , it was worse for Tiny Tony . He was nobody as far as Tiny Tony could tell . Nobody in the game knew him or where he came from but he 'd bought his way with money . He had loads of it and for some reason he was very interested in Martins . At first he suspected nothing of Ojiji , which was very unlike him . He had survived so long in the business by instinctively knowing who was good and was who bad . He was probably mesmerized by all the money , idiot . Now , he was so deep into whatever Ojiji was doing he could not get out . " Okay , if you say so . " Ojiji said . " But just so you know , for every action , there will be an equal and opposite reaction . " Detective Muritala paced in front of the police station , there was a lot on his mind . He had made his peace with the fact that his son was dead and there was nothing he could do about it . No , he had not made his peace with it but he had pushed it to the back of his mind . He had to rescue Shekiya now . He was not sure how but he would . If he lost Shekiya too then he would kill himself , consequences be damned . He shook his head ; that would not happen . May 3 , 2017The AftermathLordJosh Martins paced in the room , his face still throbbing from the punches . Things had gotten out of hand . The only reason he had had so much confidence was because he assumed RoseAnne and Wura were safe . How did they find them ? He 'd made sure Tiny Tony did not get a whiff of their travel . Was someone watching him ? Or worse , watching them ? His options were limited . There was no way he would see harm come to RoseAnne or his daughter . He did not want to hand over the Blue Canim but he would , if it would mean his girls could go free . If . That uncertainty was his fear . Criminals were known to break their promise from time to time . He had to negotiate his way out of this one . RoseAnne and Wura were unlikely to be harmed for now , as long as there was a chance he would cooperate . Martins knocked on the door . No answer . He banged on it . He heard a foot shuffle behind the door . " Shut up , you big , bald idiot . " Martins said . " I 'm not giving you anything if you don 't get me out . If I give you what you want , how do I know you won 't hurt my daughter and leave me to rot here ? " " I see what 's going on here . You don 't know anything , they just paid you to beat me up and question me . " Martins pulled the chair and sat . " Let me tell you how this works . I am a high value prisoner to whoever paid you because of what I have . They will torture and threaten me until I give them what I have . But until I do so , I am very important to them . Do you understand ? " " I don 't care how this works . " The officer said . " I only care about doing the job I 'm paid for . And if you 're so good , you pompous bastard , how come you are the one in jail ? " The guy had a point . If he was so great , he shouldn 't be in jail . If he 'd followed his instincts to take RoseAnne and Wura and walk into the sunset , he wouldn 't be here . Greed and obsession ; that was what he followed . " There 's no need for all these talk , " Martins said . " This isn 't a peace summit . I 'm not giving you anything until I 'm out of here . " Martins chuckled . " You just confirmed you don 't know who you are working for . You know what , I 'm not talking with you anymore . The next time you talk to whoever is giving you orders , tell them I want to talk to Tiny Tony . " Detective Muritala panted as he ran to the foot of the stairs of the plane . He was lucky to have met the plane , he 'd been told . He was on his way to Kano again and like his previous trip , he was going with a lot of apprehension . Shekiya had called to say his son was in a coma and the chances of him coming out of it were getting lower by the minute . He was yet to meet the boy or he should say the boy was yet to meet him . If he died now … he shook the thought off his mind , he was not going to die . He entered the plane and found his seat . He was just sitting when his phone rang . He did not know this number and frankly he was not in the mood to speak to anyone . What if it was Shekiya calling ? He answered the call . Detective Muritala paused . Who was this man on the phone ? How did he know about his son ? More importantly , what was this deal he was talking about ? " You don 't have to trust me but this is a business transaction for me . My people have already spoken to them at the hospital in Kano and I know how much you need . The money is on ground already , all I need to do is give the signal and your son 's life will be saved . " What the man was asking was simple . All he had to do was get something from Martins through any means he could and his son would be saved . He owed this Martins man no loyalty , none at all . " Alright , I 'll do it . " Detective Muritala said . " What do you want me to collect from him ? " " Just a small jewel called the Blue Canim . " Martins sat , resting his head on the table in front of him . He had not eaten anything since he was caught . He 'd not even been given water . He 'd been a criminal for a long time but he 'd never suffered the consequences , things had changed so fast . He was hot , he needed to use the toilet , he was of course thirsty but nobody had answered his request for any of those things . They say crime does not pay but crime had paid him big time but now he was the one paying . His discomfort wasn 't his biggest problem at the moment , it was the thought of his daughter and RoseAnne stuck with these criminals . Who knew what they may have done to RoseAnne or worse still , to Wura . He shook his head , he shouldn 't be thinking about things like this . Or maybe he should . He deserved the mental torture . He 'd been a very bad person , he should pay for it . The door to the room opened and he lifted his head from the table . Two men entered , both of them people he 'd never seen . From the suits they wore to their composure , he knew these were not street police officers like the idiot he 'd been dealing with . They could be secret service or something more covert than the secret service . Martins looked from one agent to the other as they sat . Agent Sanni looked like he was the one running the show but Agent Ponsah looked more intense . They didn 't look like men who came to play . But agents ? " I 'm sorry I cannot say . " Agent Sanni said . " Our unit is a convert operation . For your peace of mind , just think of us as police . " " Martins , " Agent Sanni started . " I hope you understand you are in a lot of trouble . Giving us a name right now will go a long way to help you . " " Oh , so guys can offer deals like the FBI does in movies ? If I give you my source , you put under witness protection and I go and live in a far place like Kotangora . Is that it ? " " That 's nice to hear . " Martins said . " This is what I want ; a full pardon , no prosecution at all and I 'll give you the name of my source . I 'll even give you the name of his grandfather if you want . " " I didn 't have a partner . " Martins said . " If I did and I 'm not saying I did , do you think I would sell him out ? " Detective Muritala entered the station feeling like every eye was on him and they all knew what he wanted to do . He couldn 't overanalyze this . The only thing he placed his mind on was his son . He needed to save his son and he had promised he would do anything it would take and that was what he was about to do . He looked around , there were no familiar faces . He needed access to Martins . Was he really going to kill him ? Maybe he didn 't have to . The only thing the man said was to make sure he didn 't leave the station . Oh , this was too hard . All his years of honest service and integrity had disappeared like smoke . First he agreed to help a thief steal from the police , now he was considering murdering that thief . Was his son worth all of these ? He heard a scream come from inside the station and he hurried in the direction of the scream . The closer he got to the scream , the more he was convinced it was coming from Martins . Was he being tortured ? The bald officer walked away and Detective Muritala followed him . The screams he was hearing made him nauseous . How was he supposed to talk to Martins now with the goons in the room ? Even if he waited till they , what were the chances Martins would want to talk to him or even be able to ? His phone vibrated in his pocket and his heart skipped a beat . Could be the man who promised to take care of Ahmad . Or maybe it was Shekiya . He brought out the phone ; it was Shekiya . He couldn 't remember the last time he received a good call from the woman . He sighed and answered the call . April 27 , 2017The AftermathLordJosh Detective Muritala heard the commotion inside the station and knew something was wrong . He also knew he was at fault for whatever had happened . All he had to do was cut out the power and Martins had done half of the work . He was supposed to wait for the signal , move closer to the power source and pull a simple switch . But Shekiya had called to tell him his son was getting worse and he had been distracted . He eventually cut the power but it was late . Very late . If Martins had been caught he had to get him out . It wasn 't part of their deal but if he was arrested the deal was off . His son needed the money so Martins could not be arrested . He entered the station and his fear was confirmed . Power had been restored and he could see everything . The way to the store where Martins was supposed to be was crowded . There was so much noise and movement he was not sure where to start . Whoever was running the station at the moment was stupid . They had caught a thief and they didn 't have people protecting the door . Detective Muritala made his way through the crowd . He caught a glimpse of Martins being carried by an officer into one of the interrogation rooms . He looked like he was unconscious . Detective Muritala tapped the woman standing beside him . The woman pointed to a bald man , standing close to the door of the store . Detective Muritala headed towards the man . The man was not familiar so he was not likely to be so high on the chain of command . He 'd made it his job to know all his seniors . He was almost in front of the man when two officers blocked his path . Detective Muritala showed them his ID . They saw his name and more importantly they saw his rank . One of the officers walked to the bald officer and spoke to him . The man looked at Detective Muritala , nodded , and they let him through . " It 's pretty obvious . " Detective Muritala said . " I think you should clear this area and put people at the door , nobody should be able to enter the station at this time . " Detective Muritala knew this question could put him trouble or lead to more questions that would put him in trouble . But he had to know what Martins would say . Would he sell him out ? His head throbbed with pain . The last thing he remembered was several people surrounding him in the store . The Blue Canim . Well , they would never find that . He was in a dark room but it wasn 't the store . The smell of money wasn 't here and this room was colder than the store . Was he still in the police station ? Did the detective know he 'd been caught ? Was this it ? The end of everything ? He rubbed his head and winced . What is going to happen to Wura now ? He shouldn 't have done this . He 'd been seduced by the idea of finally having the Blue Canim and he was going to pay the ultimate price for it . He 'd been very confident he would not be caught . It was not confidence , it was stupid arrogance . Martins stayed quiet . He 'd flirted with jail since the day he started stealing but it was looking so real to him now . Wura would be without a father . She would live with her mother and her numerous boyfriends . It wasn 't a picture he wanted to imagine . There was no advantage that could come from talking to this man . He needed a way out . The chances of Tiny Tony coming to his aid were low . Tony knew people , even policemen but he doubted he would want to have anything to do with him at this time . There was even a chance he was the one who set him up . He and whoever he was working for . Detective Muritala was still his best shot to getting out . It was dangerous putting himself at the mercy of the detective but the man was desperate . He still needed money for his son . The officer chuckled . " My teeth are not going to fall out but believe me , yours will . Or pardon me , they won 't fall out , they will be pulled out . " Martins knew this was not an empty threat . Nobody cared about the rule of law or prisoner safety in Nigeria . They could cut off all his appendages and no one would care . Martins heard a chair shift , followed by the sound of footsteps then the door opened . He had two plays ; the cane and the carrot . Any of them could set him free . He could offer the detective money to get him out or send a threat to Tiny Tony . He preferred the first option . There was a third option though and he might be forced to use that option . Whoever had sent him for the Blue Canim probably still wanted it . Nobody would find it except he told them where it was . He could offer them the Blue Canim in exchange for his freedom . He was not sure who Tiny Tony was working for but he knew they probably had the power to get him out . If - when he got free , he was taking RoseAnne and Wura and going somewhere Tiny Tony and his client could not find him . Or the Blue Canim . The door opened and someone entered the room . He heard a click and the light flooded the room . Martins shielded his eyes with his palm and waited for his eyes to adjust to the light . He looked up and Detective Muritala was standing in front of him ? Detective Muritala sat and looked Martins in the eye . They needed a way to communicate without alerting the officers outside to what was going on . There was no piece of paper to write on . He did not understand or speak sign language and he never got around to learning Morse code . He had very limited options . " Don 't worry , they 'll come to you very soon . Just tell them , I have what they want but I 'm not releasing it until they get me out of here . " Martins said . " Before I leave , you have to give me something . " Detective Muritala said . " Some information . Don 't let the good officers outside think I 'm your errand boy . " Martins opened his eyes and sat up immediately . Light filtered in through a small window behind the room where he was held . It was morning . He had struggled to stay awake though the night . Detective Muritala had gone and was yet to return . He did not trust any of the other officers not to manhandle him . Better to be shot while you were awake than to be raped in your sleep . He 'd lost the battle against nature and didn 't even know it until now . Sometimes deep into the night , movement had stopped in front of his cell . They had probably gone home for the night ; they knew he was going nowhere . And that was a scary thought . He had a lot of confidence someone was going to pay his way out or break him out . But what if they didn 't ? He was not expecting anybody to come this early . He 'd expected that the whole morning would be spent in meetings , giving reports and patting each other 's backs for catching the thief . Stupid bureaucrats would give his rescuers all the time they needed to get him out . The door opened and the bald officer from the previous night entered . Only this time , he wore gloves and looked like he meant business . Something about his demeanor scared Martins . He 'd spent the whole of the previous day talking like he had something over the police but he did not . He had to continue the bluff though . The officer walked closer to him without saying a word . Martins had a foreboding something terrible was about to happen . The officer removed a small key from his pocket and reached for the handcuff on Martins ' hands . What on earth was going on ? Did Tiny Tony and his man send this man ? Well , the man did not know who he was dealing with . The officer pulled him up . " Hold a minute , let me catch my breath . " Martins said and breathed heavily for a few seconds . " You want to know where it is ? I left it in your wife 's … " Another punch to the stomach stopped him mid - insult . He coughed and spit out the blood in his mouth . This could be the end for him but it would very stupid for them to kill him when they did not have the Blue Canim yet . The officer pushed Martins on the table and held his throat with two strong hands . Martins struggled to get free but the weight of the officer was too much for him . He started to sweat and his he could not breathe . His eyes burned and his head hurt . He looked at the officer and it looked like he was not going to stop . April 19 , 2017The AftermathLordJosh It was the special night and everything was set for the job . He 'd never been more glad the Nigeria Police was not the FBI or NYPD . The Police had beefed up their security because of all the cash and valuables they were holding but still it was nothing a little creative thief could not get past . He walked into the police station through the front door . He wore no disguises , he was going in as Joseph Martins of Joe Martins Jewelry . The Martins everybody knew and could recognize . He wore tight navy blue trousers , a black T - shirt and a grey sweater with its zipper loose . It was a dull combination , the kind that wouldn 't get too much attention . It would also help him move through the darkness without been seen . He held a satchel . It was nothing but a satchel to everybody and they would find it so if they opened it but it had a secret compartment that held all the tools he needed . There was a Sergeant Bosede who had recently been posted to the Police Headquarters but he would not find her because her maternity leave started that week . He didn 't need the officer to find her but he needed to establish a reason for being in the station . He looked around the lobby ; there were a few armed officers , understandable considering what they held . They were smart enough not to show too much by bringing in too many officers though . Most people , even some officers in the station , did not know what they held . It was safer that way . Or so they thought . He looked at his watch again , it was 7 : 20 . Time for the next phase . He brought out his phone and typed . Detective Muritala was at the other end of the phone . The man was brilliant , way more than he 'd expected . He was desperate and that was good thing . The detective needed this to go well , almost as much as he needed it to . He hit the send button and waited . In one minute , the power will be cut off and everything will go black . He dipped his hands into his satchel and reached into the hidden compartment for the night vison goggles . Time was everything . As soon as the power went off , he needed to move . His eyes snapped open . He looked up and saw a woman standing in front of him . He was going to need to move in forty seconds , he could not be talking to anybody at that time . It was almost time . He looked up and saw one of the gun wielding officers looking at him . It did not matter because it was time for darkness . He looked down and waited for it . He looked at the light bulb above him , everything was fine . He looked at his watch , it was time . What on earth was happening with the Detective ? They 'd gone over the plan several times , why was he delaying ? The officer who was looking at him earlier , started towards him . Bloody , old , stupid detective was ruining this for him . He hated when things did not go to plan , it made him nervous and that was not good because the officer was already standing in front of him . He stood in front of Martins and his eyes went from his T - shirt to his sweater and his trousers . And then his eyes went to the satchel . Not the satchel , please . Martins ' hand was still on the goggles . He was already about two minutes late and he could do nothing without the goggles . That was if the stupid Detective ever got around to cutting the power . He needed to distract the officer from the satchel . Martins heard the officer retreat and he immediately pulled out the googles . He put them on and looked around the room . Most of the occupants of the room were taking it easy , they were used to power outages . The officer who was talking to him before was standing beside another one and the officer was pointing in his direction . Did they suspect him ? Were they coming for him ? He could not wait to find out . He looked at his watch , he had lost five minutes already . He got to the corridor leading to the store without any problem . Everybody was sitting still , waiting for the generator to come on . It never would , he had made sure of that but they did not know that . Some people had put on the torches on their phones but he walked without making any noise , most of them did not even hear him pass . The power outage was planned so it would coincide with the time they changed the guards at the door of the store . The blackout should have kept the door unguarded for a while but the Detective had delayed and now a new set of guards were posted at the door . He had a Taser in his satchel that could do the work but there was a great chance there would be noise and he would have to tie the officers . He didn 't have time for that . He had to do something else . He dug into his satchel and brought out a small high - power flashlight . He put it on and shone it in the direction of the officers . They immediately stood up and reached for their guns . " What are you doing here ? " Martins asked and before they could answer added . " How can you do your job when you can 't even see ? " The two of them walked away . Martins sighed . He could not believe that worked . It was a whole lot of help that the officers were drunk , they didn 't even bother to ask which office they were to report to to get their suspensions . He had no time to celebrate though . He knelt in front of the door , brought out his wrench and pick and went to work . They were stupid to use such a simple lock . But according to the Detective , changing the lock would draw the attention of people . It was still stupid . The locked clicked open and he pushed the door in . He entered the room and closed the door behind him . He looked around the room and shook his head at what he saw . It was a surprise no one else had broken into this place to steal the money . Cash lay on the ground in bundles and piles . If he wasn 't busy stealing something else , he would start hatching a plan to rob the station and steal all the cash . Focus ! He looked around for the safe that was supposed to hold the Blue Canim . According to Detective Muritala , it stood by itself , he could not miss it . But he was missing it at the moment . He walked around the room . There wasn 't much leg room , there was cash everywhere . A little stacking and arranging would have saved him all these stress . He pushed a stacked pack of dollars aside and saw the safe . He dragged it from under a pile of money he wished he could take too and carried it to the corner of the room . He set it down and set his satchel down beside it . He brought out a stethoscope and knelt beside the safe . He sighed deeply and placed the stethoscope beside the dial of the safe and turned it . It was a three combination lock and this could take a few minutes . It wasn 't his first time opening one of these safes but inside this safe was the Blue Canim ; that was enough to make him nervous . A lot could be going on outside but he had no time to think about that . He listened for the clicks and made a mental note of every number where he heard them . He was hot , sweat streamed down his face . Three minutes later and he gotten two of the combination numbers . That was faster than he expected . Maybe he would make up for the time he 'd lost before . He heard another click and that was it , he had the three numbers he needed . He smiled , time to meet you baby . He turned the dial to the first number , he heard the fence fall into the wheel notch . He turned again and the second fence fell . This was going great . He was about to turn the dial the third time when he heard voices outside the door . Had they found him ? Did the drunk officers tell somebody something ? He stopped and listened . The seconds dragged and felt like hours but he knew he could not move until he knew for sure the voices were not coming into the store . The door of the store opened and two people ; a man and a woman entered . It was the woman who had come to talk to him about Sergeant Bosede . Did she lead the officer here ? He stayed still and watched . They held torchlights but he was safe behind a huge stack of money . If and when they came around that huge stack , there was no escape for him . He dipped his hand in the satchel and gripped the Taser ; he would not go down without a fight . The man and the woman whispered to each other , he could not hear their words but it looked like they were not here for him . They were opportunists trying to steal part of the money . He was not surprised . Frankly , he expected more than just two people . He had no idea how long this people would spend in the store . He could not wait forever . He turned the dial again and the third fence fell into place . The safe was unlocked . All he had to do was pull the safe - door open . He took a deep breath and pulled the door . The hinges of the door creaked and Martins stopped . The other occupants of the room must have heard too because they were silent too . He ducked lower and waited to see what would happen . A couple of seconds later , he heard the door close softly . He looked ; they were gone . That was good but it wouldn 't be good for long . There was a huge chance they would send officers in his direction . He opened the safe totally and he could feel his heart racing . He was about to meet the real Blue Canim . He shone his flashlight into the safe and there it was . It sat there among the gold chains and diamond rings like a King , lost in the market in a town where no one knew who he was . Martins picked up the ring and smiled . At last , he had the Blue Canim . The door burst open and he dove to the floor . He heard the sound of boots on the floor , several flashlights swept through the room . They had found him . One of the boots moved towards him . His Taser would do some damage but it could not get him out . Was this it ? All these years of stealing and building his empire would be lost ? Wura ! He 'd been so lost in what he was doing he 'd forgotten his baby . He had to escape even if he would be shot . Wura was not going to grow up without a father . Martins kissed the Blue Canim , picked up his Taser and waited , ready to move . He would get out of this . He loved his daughter too much , he would get out of this . He heard a deep , crushing thud and for a second he could tell where the sound came from . Then his eyes began to water and he felt dizzy . He heard the sound again and this time it was accompanied by a searing pain in his head . He tried to stand but his legs were no longer functioning . He touched his head and felt something liquid on his head . It was not water . He looked up and saw an officer with the butt of a gun aimed at his head . April 12 , 2017The AftermathLordJosh Martins rolled the ring in - between his thumb and his forefinger . It was beautiful , made from 24 karats gold and Cullinan Diamond . It was large , one centimeter in diameter . The head of a Lion was edged on the ring and it had the words ' Dum vivimus , vivamus ' engraved on the inner circumference . It was a great thing , the Blue Canim . It was not meant to worn , it was meant to be worshipped . He looked at the ring in his hand and threw it against the wall . It wasn 't the real thing . He 'd owned several replicas of the Blue Canim , some of them very expensive but none of them could satisfy his hunger for it . Now he was close to holding the real thing he was besieged with doubt . Too many things plagued his mind . There was the problem of the two women who had been killed right after he robbed them . He no longer trusted Tiny Tony , there was that . And now , he was not sure how much the Detective knew about him and his side hustle . He 'd done this for almost two decades without getting caught , why would he throw it all away from one ring ? Except this wasn 't one ring ; this was the Blue Canim . RoseAnn was coming over later to discuss their trip , that part scared him too . He 'd finally found someone he could give his heart to , was the Blue Canim worth losing that relationship for ? And if he was caught , would she still date him when the whole world knew he was a thief ? Too many questions . He needed a break . He picked up his car keys and headed for the door . The fake Blue Canim caught his attention and he picked it up . He looked at it and put it in his pocket , it was better no one else saw this around him . It was the damn detective again . This was a sign , he was not doing this job again . No way , there was too much heat headed his way . " No , I 'm not . " The Detective said . " I could find evidence and get you locked up but that 's not what I want to do . I 'm here to propose something to you . " " I don 't know what you think you know about me , " Martins said . " But this sounds like a big joke to me . Let 's say you are right and I 'm a thief , why on earth will I need your help ? " " I know you did it . I could help them find evidence connecting you to the murder . I already have one and it 's only a matter of time before a team of more funded , trained and equipped people find out more . " Martins wanted to scoff at everything the Detective was saying but he could not . He was afraid the man was right . But there was no way he could take him up on his offer . At the end of the day , the man was still law enforcement . " No , I 'm not , that would be stupid . But being a father , you will understand what 's going through my mind . I don 't know anybody else who can help with me this amount of money that is why I 'm throwing away my integrity and reputation by coming to you . " " I hope you change your mind . " The Detective said and stood . " My son doesn 't have a long time but please call me if you do . " Martins stood and watched the Detective walk out of the office . He understood the Detective 's willingness to throw away his career for his son 's life . He should be able to do the same for his daughter . He would . But first , the Blue Canim . Martins stood by the car waiting for the bell to ring . He 'd made up his mind on what he would do . He was going for the Blue Canim but he could not concentrate with RoseAnn and Wura in town . He was not even sure where he had to break into to steal the Blue Canim yet . There was always a chance of him getting caught and he would not want his girls in town for that either . The bell rang , school was over for the day . For the term for his daughter and Aunt RoseAnne . He saw them coming out of the school hand in hand and he smiled . It wasn 't just a facial movement but the smile came from deep within . They made him happy and he would have nothing tamper with that . " Exactly . Wura has spent time with you in school but how many hours have you spent together , alone ? I know she looks so nice now but after a few days , she may not look so nice anymore . Maybe by the end of the week , you will pull out of the trip all together . " Martins sat across from Tiny Tony , listening but also watching the man . They were joking around , talking about different jobs they had pulled together . Martins was laughing at all the jokes and he even told some but he never forgot that Tiny Tony was not to be trusted . The police station wasn 't an easy target . He 'd stolen things from a military barracks before but that was still a residential area . This types of jobs worked better with a team . And more importantly , an inside man . The Detective ! Having the detective on his team would be a great advantage for him , if he could guarantee that the Detective will not sell him out . Tiny Tony knew this and Martins knew this too . The Detective would be a perfect insider . He was experienced and knowledgeable . He was known for his integrity so he probably won 't be the first suspect . But it was dangerous . Maybe he could find another person . It might take a little time but he would find another person . Love was not a good thing . Or maybe Parenthood was what he should blame . A week ago he was just a guy , living a simple uneventful life . He had integrity , he was honest and he had no affiliations with evil . But now , he had offered to help a thief and murderer and he was about to sell another piece of his soul now . " I know how junior detectives make money here . I know how they paid for their SUVs and Dubai trips , I just want a little bit of that . But for my son . " " I 'm not telling you anything you don 't know about . I 've been here for a long time and I know what I know . Please , just help me out . " Detective Muritala stood . " You are going to regret this . I know a lot more than you think . I may be old but I know every trick in the book and you are going to find out what it means to cross me . " He pushed his chair aside and walked out of the office . He closed the door behind him and leaned his head against the wall . This was his last point of call . Was he really this useless ? April 5 , 2017The AftermathLordJosh He looked at the necklace , shook his head and threw it on the table . He did not understand art at all . The necklace was not even made of gold , how could it cost so much ? But it wasn 't his job to care about the art or what it cost , his job was to handle business . And business was good when your best allies were not questioning you . He looked at Tiny Tony seated in front of him , he admired the man . He was a businessman to the core . He did his job , collected his pay and never asked questions . But he was also a man who valued contracts ; written or spoken . It was ironic how a man with so much integrity would be involved in the re - acquisition business . He didn 't have time to enjoy the irony though , Tiny Tony was clearly unhappy . " Look Tony , I apologize if you are angry and I understand . Believe me I do . " He said . " But you have to understand my situation too . I don 't call the shots and you know that . " " You gave me your word man to man . " Tiny Tony said . " All I had to do was poke around a little and I found out you were the one behind the hit . How long do you think it will take for Martins to find you ? " He smiled , walked around his desk and sat on the edge . Tiny Tony had to raise his neck at a bigger angle to look at him . He 'd learnt that little things like this mattered in power play . " Martins is a craftsman , a very good one but still a craftsman . He doesn 't have the brain for business or strategy that you and I have . That is why he will continue to work for us . " Tiny Tony laughed . " Work for us ? Martins is done . He doesn 't trust me anymore which means he doesn 't trust anyone . He won 't take a job even if you promised him the seven kingdoms . " " It is a game of thrones reference . What I 'm saying is , Martins won 't take any job anymore . Not from me , not from you , not from the President of the World . " He understood what he was saying and he had also had that doubt but not anymore . Men like Martins could not help what they were . He was a thief and he could never stop . He could go dark for a while , but that wouldn 't be for long . " I don 't care . It wasn 't the years I was counting , it was the number of times you 'd told me a lie . It had always been zero until yesterday . " " Will you let that go already ? " The old boy was stubborn . " I lied , I 'm sorry . My boss wanted the woman dead , what was I supposed to do ? Consider your feelings ? " Idiot ! He 'd just wasted a perfectly good phone on a perfectly useless man . He could not believe Tiny Tony had the nerve to ask him to do a job . The man used to be one of his most trusted allies but he was fast becoming one of the people he wished he could kill . It was not going to matter for much longer . He was leaving the country in a couple of weeks with his daughter and RoseAnn . After a long summer of fun and reflection he was sure he was not coming back to this life . The phone rang on the floor . He looked at the phone , so it wasn 't dead yet . He picked it up and looked , the screen was broken ; he couldn 't even see who was calling . He slid his finger from left to right on the screen . He winced as the glass cut him a little . He dropped the phone on a couch and began to pace . He was confused . A part of him screamed for him to let it go but he couldn 't . That part of him did not understand how much he wanted this . This was the jewelry that took down his mentor . His mentor had tried stealing the Blue Canim and like everybody else who did he was caught . He had so many big jobs in his time : he had stolen in a government house , he had stolen from a minister 's convoy , he had even stolen from a general in the army barracks but none of these compared to stealing the Blue Canim . If he did this and pulled it off , it was proof he was better than his mentor . Atletes gave their all to break Olympic records , Astronauts defied logic to access new planets , he would do all he could to steal the Blue Canim . Detective Muritala watched the man pour himself a cup of coffee . He 'd once been addicted to coffee himself so he always looked with pity when people casually poured coffee like it was water . There was something not so casual about this Mister Joe Martins though . He was not panicky or shifty or any of the things that generally aroused his attention , in fact he was normal . Too normal . He acted with too much ease , as if he was trying to stay calm . Martins smiled , he was back to his cool guy disguise . " If I did Detective , I would tell you . Anybody who is out there stealing jewelry is my enemy as much as yours . I should be the one most afraid of him . " " Mister Martins , I don 't know what you think about me or the institution I represent but I really need your help here . The woman this necklace was stolen from is somebody important to me . She was murdered , I need to find out who did this . " He stood , he 'd seen enough , Mister Martins knew about the stolen items . He was probably helping the thief sell the stolen items . As soon as he was back from Kaduna , he would get a warrant to search the store . Detective Muritala walked out of the office and left the door open . He 'd seen that little man somewhere before . Was he linked with the robbery ? Was that why Martins was nervous ? Detective Muritala stopped and looked back and his eyes met Martin 's as he closed the door . He remembered where he 'd seen the little man before . This was no longer a guess , Mister Joe Martins was definitely connected to the robberies . Detective Muritala arrived at the hospital barely hanging on . He was tired and weak . His shirt stuck to his body with sweat and his collars were soaked . This was not the first impression he wanted to make on his son . The boy probably thought he was an irresponsible father who abandoned his mother but at least he shouldn 't look like a loser while he made his apologies . He had to clean up a little . He walked to the attendant at the reception and got directions to the bathroom . He entered and crashed on top of a toilet seat . He let out a couple of sighs and leaned back in the seat . His tiredness was not entirely due to the journey , it was partly mental . He was not sure how he was supposed to tell Sekiya their sponsor was dead . It was even tougher since he truly could not provide the money his son needed . He wanted to cry , tears had welled up in his eyes and they were ready to fall . He grabbed a tissue and dabbed at his eyes , he was not going to cry . If what Sekiya told him was accurate , he still had a couple of days to gather the money . And he would , even if he had to give his life for it . He was about ten feet away from the room when he heard the commotion . He forgot all about his tiredness and ran . Oh God , please . He got to the door of the room and made to enter but a nurse stopped him . The nurse pushed him out and closed the door in his face . He wanted to punch the door open but that was not going to do him or his son any good . What was happening in there ? Was his son dying ? Was he dead ? He had to meet his son before he died . But no , he was not going to die Insha Allah , he would make sure of it . " No Musa , he 's not dead . " She said and he sighed , alhamdulilah . " But he 's dying . We need to find Mariam . " No , there was no way he was going to allow his son to die . He would save his son even if he had to sell his soul to do it . Even if he had to sell it to a jewelry thief . March 29 , 2017The AftermathLordJosh Detective Muritala looked at the picture of Ahmad , his son who he knew nothing about for twenty six years . Muritala didn 't think the boy looked a lot like him ; he had his mother 's beauty and her tenderness . But his eyes gave him away . They had a fierceness that Muritala 's had when he was younger . Detective Muritala set the picture down . He was not sure what to feel about this whole thing anymore , now he had time to process it . He had a son , something he had wanted for so long even though he could never commit enough to have but the son was dying . He stood from his chair and looked out through his window . He did not understand the obsession of the western world with views but he could certainly use a good view at the moment . The only thing he saw from his window were little children coming out of the police barracks ; some going to school , others going to hawk . He was not in the mood to look at children or worry about their problems . He needed a distraction . The DPO had requested to see him twice in a week , he had a son : he was definitely having a strange week . He started towards the DPO 's office . He did not shave that morning , another first in a long time but he did not expect to see anybody important . Definitely not the DPO . He got to her office , knocked and walked in . " I 'm on it . I 've interviewed a few people , you will have something on your desk very soon . " It was a lie , he was not preparing anything anymore . Not since he heard about his son . Detective Muritala turned around and headed for the door . A part of him wanted to finish this case , one last halleluiah before he said goodbye to the force but he had a son now , one who really needed him . He got to the door and opened it . He walked out of the room and closed the door behind him . He was not sure if he should be relieved she was taking the cases from him or he should be insulted . He was not going to decide , he had something else to worry about . As soon as he was done with this White Agate business , he was going to Kaduna to be with his son . Martins entered the house , trying his best to keep from running . He was fuming so much he could almost feel the heat coming out through his nose . Tiny Tony 's house was anything but tiny . It had only two floors but was so tall it was absurd . This detail always puzzled him but his height was a very sensitive subject for Tiny Tony so Martins had never broached the subject of his tall house . Tiny Tony 's feelings was the last thing on his mind at the moment though . Martins did not wait for him to finish the sentence before he landed a punch on his nose . Tiny Tony fell backwards and his towel fell off . Martins had never imagined fighting a naked man but he was too angry to stop . He jumped on Tiny Tony and landed another punch , this time on his mouth . He raised his hand to throw another punch but Tiny Tony landed one of his own . The punch connected with Martin 's ribcage and he groaned . " Okay Joe . I 'll tell you what you need to know . " Tiny Tony said . " The client who wanted the necklace , I don 't know who it is . " " I 'm not messing with you . " Tiny Tony moved closer to Martins . " I didn 't meet the client personally . I don 't meet all my clients in person , you know that . " " People know how to contact me when they need to . " Martins said then added . " Before you ask , there 's no way to trace this person . " Martins downed the glass of scotch at a go and swallowed a small cube of ice . That was not good . He coughed till his eyes were red and watery . It looked like nothing was going well for him today , not even drinking . He poured another cup and took a sip . He had a lot to think about but his mind was numb . Alcohol was not the solution but it certainly could not make things worse . Someone was framing him . Someone with enough resources to murder the woman inside the White Agate when everybody was on high alert . Someone who knew who he was going to steal from . Someone who probably shouldn 't be messed with . He drank the scotch and poured another cup . Was he wrong to trust Tiny Tony ? The man was his friend but like any other person in their business , he put money before anything else . Tiny Tony was not a great thief , he wasn 't a great liar either , he looked like he was telling the truth when he said he had no idea who was behind all these . Or maybe he had been paid enough money to learn how to lie . He heard footsteps coming from behind him and he sprung to his feet . No one was going to kill him in his own house . He looked back and it was RoseAnn . He smiled . There were several smart come - backs he could throw back at her but none of them came to mind so he just continued smiling . Nothing really was going well . " She 's gone to her room . " RoseAnn said . She looked at the half - empty bottle of scotch . " Are you drinking straight from the bottle ? " He looked at her and wondered how lucky it would be to have her as his woman . She was perfect . She was light - skinned , long legged , with the shapeliest hips he had seen all his life . Her lips looked supple , ready to be kissed and he hoped he would get to , someday soon . He smiled at his own vanity . It was nice to lust after something that wasn 't gold or diamond . " Okay , I have to ask another question . Money , how did it come ? Did you work in heaven and come to the earth to enjoy or do teachers make this much ? " He laughed and leaned back in the chair . She was right , what he had wasn 't too shabby . Why did he need to wait until some maniac ruined everything for him ? Detective Muritala trudged along the corridor to the room where the lady was murdered . It was his first time in The White Agate and the hotel made him angry . This was the kind of place he should have visited more often when he was younger . This was the kind of place he should have brought Sekiya and Ahmad to . Instead he had spent his life at a job where he was not appreciated and he would not be remembered as soon as he retired . He 'd spent his life being bitter and unhappy . His phone rang and the guard leading him to the room looked back at him . He loved to see the look on people 's face when they heard his ringtone . Yes , he still used a monotone , monochrome phone and he did not care what people thought about it . She did not continue but she did not say goodbye . Detective Muritala knew what that meant . She was still the same old Sekiya . This was her cue for him to press for more information . Detective Muritala contemplated what she 'd said . He had no response , at least not a good one . He honestly could not afford the test if it was as expensive as she was making it sound . " After we found the cut , I suspected the murderer had hurriedly taken off her necklace , something like that . My suspicions were confirmed when we checked security footage of her coming into the hotel last night . She had a necklace on , we have looked through the whole room ; the necklace is not here . " The guard handed him the passport . He opened and looked at the dates , the guard was right she had just come in . And people wonder why Nigerians in diaspora prefer to stay abroad . He looked at her name . March 22 , 2017The AftermathLordJosh Martins picked up the bottle of water from the seat beside him and downed the entire content of the bottle . He stepped out of his car and locked the door . He was parked some meters away from the hotel . He did not want much attention . A man in blue overalls coming out of a Mercedes Benz CLS 350 would get people 's attention . He held his briefcase tight , it held all the tools he needed . Well , except his brain . He was using more brain power than brute power for this job , his tools needed his biggest tool to function well . He got to the gate and showed his ID to the guard . The guard had probably seen a dozen technicians come to fix one thing or the other , he didn 't even look at Martins twice . It also helped that the ID was from Helix Engineering , the company the hotel used . Martins entered the hotel and stopped . The White Agate hotel was palatial . It wasn 't very tall ; only four stories but its height or lack of , took nothing away from its beauty . The walls were white and the roof was golden brown . Martins admired the hotel . He would bring RoseAnne to the place sometime in the future , if she ever agreed to go out with him . The hotel had a very well done landscape and a magnificent driveway , something that would be a problem if what he was stealing was large . He shook his head , he was here to steal , not admire the architecture of the hotel . The hotel was the type where a thief would be noticed in one minute . The hotel reception had six cameras that left no part uncovered , especially the entrance . That was not good . They had guards at the door who had guns and sophisticated communication systems . That was not good either . That meant there was no getting into the hotel without someone seeing him . He needed to get in without leaving any trace because once the woman noticed she had been robbed , they would check every camera . No thief worth his salt would get caught by camera though and he was worth every pinch of that salt . There was a back door into the hotel , fortunately , there was only one camera here . His plan was simple but he needed everything to go right . He rubbed his fake moustache and smoothened the artificial side burns . Even if somehow the cameras caught him , no one would recognize him but still he wasn 't taking that chance . He got the door and pushed it in . The voice stopped him . He 'd not expected anybody here , but he did not have to panic yet . He turned in the direction of the voice , it was a guard . That was not good . " My man , " Martins said . " Please , this is the third time this is happening this month . It happened a few days ago at Four Points . I forgot something that almost got us in trouble and my boss already said that was my last chance . If you call somebody now , this is it . " " My brother please . " Martins said and moved closer to the guard . " I 've had a lot on my mind , that 's why this happened . My wife died last year and last month the doctor diagnosed my daughter of cancer . I 've not even told my boss , I don 't know what to do . " He sighed and walked off . He had already spent more time than he planned entering the hotel . He hurried through a dark corridor and came out inside a large store . The store held supplies , things that probably would have interested him when he first started out . But he was a big deal now , he no longer had time for small things . He set his briefcase on the floor and opened it . He removed his tablet and opened the phonebook . He dialed the number marked ' target ' . In a few seconds a woman 's voice came from the other end of the phone . " Good evening Madam . We are sorry to disturb your evening but we have noticed an electrical fault in your room and we are sending a technician to check it out for you ma . " Martins said . " Yes ma , it was detected by our engineers . We will hate for this to become a bigger problem in the middle of the night ma . Our technician will be in and out of there in five minutes . " Martins smiled . She bought it , Plan A worked perfectly . He returned the tablet into the briefcase . He owed Kamal a bottle of wine for helping him hack the hotel 's phone network . It had made the call his simplest option . He opened the door at the other end of the store and came out inside the kitchen . The cooks were so busy they didn 't pay him much attention . He was counting on that . He stepped inside the restaurant and went up the stairs without anybody noticing him . There was no avoiding cameras here but it was better than riding the elevator . He walked , placing one foot gently after the other , careful not to walk too fast or too slow . Two minutes later he stood in front of Room 78A , this was it . He knocked and waited . He kept his head down , pretending to check something on his briefcase . The door opened and Martins paused , taken aback by the beauty of the woman . She was light skinned , very flashy . She was the kind of woman that would make a jealous husband kill himself . Even though she wore a turtleneck sweatshirt , he could see enough to know she was his kind of woman , not only by her face . He recovered his senses very fast and walked into the room . He was not here for the lady . He made sure the woman did not look into his eyes , that part was not disguised at all . He looked around the room , it was large and beautiful . The White Agate didn 't do anything mediocre . The bed was large and was covered with the most beautiful duvets he had ever seen . On the wall was a large painting of a beautiful Fulani girl leaning on a power bike . Martins looked around the room , the woman had a half drunk glass of wine on the table . That made his job very easy . The biggest question was , where was the necklace ? " Yes ma ' am . I 'll have to check some wiring in your bathroom . Could you please go in , see if there 's any personal stuff you want to remove ? " She stepped out of the bathroom . Now , he had to hope the woman took the wine . And on time . He entered the bathroom and closed the door . He had no repairs to make , all he had to do was sit down and wait till the drugs in the wine took effect . A couple of minutes passed and Martins heard no sound from the room . Was she out or was she just quiet ? Had she even taken the drink ? He could not open the door to find out . He heard a muffled voice call . The phone was still on . He ran to the phone and hung up . That was not very helpful but hopefully the kitchen would mind their business . He opened the wardrobe and pulled out a large box . He looked at the woman and for the first time in a long time , felt bad for stealing from somebody . He had no time for sentiments though so he opened the bag . Where are you , precious ? The phone rang and he jumped . The kitchen was probably calling back , he let the phone ring . He went back to the box . He removed clothes , lots of clothes . If the woman was in the country for just a few days , why did she have so many clothes ? The necklace was not in the box . The phone started to ring again . He looked at it and looked away . There was nothing else in the wardrobe or the room . He removed every cabinet , checked under every chair and table . There was a problem , he had to move the woman off the bed first . Even passed out , she looked beautiful . She deserved the necklace , it was meant for beauties like her not for whoever Tiny Tony got the job from . He no time for this , he was a professional and he had a job to do . He put his hands under the woman 's back and lifted her . She groaned . Crap ! He stopped and stood still . She wasn 't supposed to be awake yet . She wasn 't . He held her tighter , lifted her and carefully placed her on the rug . He removed the bed coverings and lifted the mattress ; there was nothing there . The phone rang again . This time he paid no attention to the phone . Did Tiny Tony send him on a fool 's errand ? Did the woman know she was going to be robbed ? Was this a trap ? He picked up his briefcase , he had to leave immediately . Was Tiny Tony trying to set him up ? He got to the door and looked back . Maybe he was missing something . He looked at the woman on the floor - her turtleneck . He ran back to the woman and pulled the neck of the shirt lower ; there it was . She was wearing the damn thing . Whew . He was glad he had taken that last look . He loosened the jewelry off her neck and smiled . Another job , done and dusted . He opened the briefcase , placed the necklace in it and locked it . Alright , time to leave . He opened the door and stepped out . He pinned his ID to his pocket and started for the staircase . He 'd taken only two steps when he saw two security men walking towards him . They 'd seen him so he could not run . If he was lucky then maybe they didn 't see what room he came out from . He walked towards them , as casual as he could . They already had their eyes on him . His briefcase was his biggest problem , it was too expensive and it looked it . He got to the men and smiled . He hoped the number would throw them off . They eyed him and walked away . He sighed , that was close . He walked fast now , there was no need for finesse anymore ; he just needed to get out . And as soon as the words came out of his mouth he knew he had made a mistake . The rooms on that floor ended at 80A . There was no 82A . He turned around and ran . Buffy 's partner followed him and he could hear Buffy talking ; the whole hotel was going to be looking for him in five seconds . He ran through the corridor till he got to the stairs . He ran down the stairs as fast as his feet could carry him , skipping as many steps as he could without falling . Buffy 's partner was close , maybe he should stop and fight the guy . It was a stupid idea though . He 'd missed , well , ended all his karate classes for the past two years and he had fought nobody in those two years . He would be killed by the Van Damme chasing him in two seconds . He got the end of the stairs and jumped out into the restaurant . A few people looked in his direction and he stopped running . He walked very fast to the kitchen door . From the corner of his eyes he saw another security officer sight him and head in his direction . Great , now Chuck Norris had joined the chase . He entered the kitchen and grabbed a knife from the sink . Yeah , like that ever worked . He opened the door into the large store he 'd entered through and ran to the exit door . He opened it , stopped and looked around . He picked up a big iron spoon and knocked off the handle with it . He jumped out of the store and closed the door behind him . No one could follow him out through that door now . He ran through a dark corridor for the back door , he was just a few seconds from his escape . The guard ! He had to deal with the guard at the door . Maybe he would be lucky and the guard would not know he was the one they were looking for . He slowed his pace as he approached the back door . He looked and the guard was asleep . What ? He could not believe his luck . He walked quickly and quietly towards the door , towards his escape . The man turned around to pick a paper and Martins hit him on the head as hard as he could . The man dropped down , cold . Martins shook his head and stepped out of the building . There was no way he could make it out of the gate without getting caught . He would have to do it old school . He looked at the fence , it wasn 't too high but he could still break something jumping down from it . Maybe there was another way . He looked and three guards were running in his direction . There was no other way , he was jumping . He could not jump with the briefcase . He threw it across the fence and in two seconds , he was on the fence himself . He looked at the guards , one of them had a gun . He jumped down , picked the briefcase and ran for his car . He removed the fake moustache and sideburns and stuffed them in his pocket . He got to his car and jumped in . He locked the doors and tried to calm his breath . That was close . He removed his overalls and threw them under the seat of the car . He was not safe yet , he had to leave . He started the car , turned it around and headed towards the hotel . His plan was simple . The guards were not likely to suspect him because of his car and they would probably be paying more attention to the cars leaving the hotel . He got to the gate of the hotel and stopped . " Guys , " A muffled voice came off the guard 's walkie - talkie . " The situation is now Code Red . I repeat the situation is now Code Red . The guest is dead . " About LordJosh Writes Every life is a story and we will make yours better with great stories . Entertaining , funny , suspenseful and sleep - depriving stories . Who cares about sleep anyway when a character is about to get killed ? Sleep is for the bored ! |
" I 'm going to get you out of here , I promise . " Martins said then turned to the man . " Where is your boss , I need to talk to him , now ! " Martins still could not wrap his head around what was going on . If RoseAnne was their boss , it would mean she was the one who set him up at the station . She was the one who kidnapped herself and Wura . That made no sense . " Everything . " RoseAnne responded . " Killed the people you robbed , fed you the news about the Blue Canim , made sure you were arrested , kidnapped your daughter and girlfriend , everything . " Martins staggered backwards and dropped into a chair . How could she have done all of this and he did not know ? He loved her , at least he believed he did . This made no sense . " It was fun . " RoseAnne said . " To see someone run so hard towards his own death , get obsessed with the person who wants to kill him , so much fun . " He grinded his teeth together and tried hard to stay still . He had spent time , money , energy , chasing this woman and she was the one who was the source of all his troubles ? This was hard to take , hard to understand and maybe he never would understand but he had to know what her plan was . With him , with his daughter . He could not believe he had put his daughter in the care of somebody so evil . " Honestly , I don 't care . " Martins said . " I just want to know what you plan to do . My daughter , where is she ? " " Oh , calm yourself . I already have her . I 'll tell her daddy died and I 'll be there for her . You know she already loves me . " Martins had not considered the possibility of rescue . Mostly because he did not know if he needed rescuing or not . Everything was still confusing . Was RoseAnne actually going to harm him ? If she was , which it increasingly looked likely , he had to find a way to get out of here . Or at least hope somebody on the outside would come to his rescue . The chances of that happening were slim though . " We can talk about it where we are going . " RoseAnne said then turned to the tall man . " Get the girl and the detective into the Hilux , we 'll leave in five minutes . " " I like your daughter . " She said . " I 've always loved to have a little girl but there 's no way I 'm sacrificing this great body to pregnancy . Wura just solves that problem for me . " Martins pondered her face for a couple of seconds . So she knew he was a thief all this while ? While he was pretending to be a good person , wooing her , she knew what he was ? He felt so ashamed of himself then he was angry for allowing himself to be played . " I was sixteen and we were having a late dinner at home . It was one of those nights when my dad came back late from a trip . We were about finishing the food when we heard a loud knock on our door . Guess who it was ; armed robbers in face masks . " He remembered the job now . It was his last job as an armed robber , it was the one that made up his mind . But still , he did not kill anybody on that job . " Not that bad ? " RoseAnne laughed dryly . " The butt of your gun caused internal bleeding in his head , he was dead in less than twenty four hours . " " You think money is everything ? I loved my dad and you took him from me . " She walked closer to Martins , the clicking of her heels on the ceramic tiles raising the tension in Martins ' body . " But you are right , money is great . I devoted a lot of it to finding you . I found your old gang easily and had them all killed but you , it was as if you 'd dropped off the crime world . But you know , all I had to do was wait and you eventually turned up . " She paused and looked at him . " I have to be honest my plans didn 't quite work but it doesn 't matter , we are still at the right end point . I 'm going to kill you today , finally get over my father 's death and raise your daughter as mine . " " I am sorry about your father RoseAnne , I truly am . He 's the reason I have never done a job with a gun . Please let Wura return to her mother , she has nothing to do with this . " " Oh she does . She 's going to know what it feels like to live without a father . She 's fortunate I will care for her , unlike my mother . " RoseAnne walked out of the room and in less than a minute returned with a gun . Martins recognized the gun . It was a local gun , like the one he carried the day he robbed her family . Martins dropped to his knees and raised his hands . " RoseAnne please , you don 't have to do this . You know I did not kill your father intentionally . Shooting me now is not justice … " She moved behind him and Martins closed his eyes . He waited for the gunshot but it didn 't come . He opened his eyes and turned back to look at RoseAnne and at that moment he saw the butt of the gun come down and hit his head . He crashed to the ground , his head exploding in pain . Martins tried to stand up but she hit him again on the head . For a few seconds or minutes , he could not tell , he felt numb and his eyesight blurred . There was a dull ringing in his head and he felt like his heart was no longer beating . Martin laid on the ground waiting to die . Even if the blows to his head were not enough to kill him , he knew RoseAnne would come back to finish what she had started . If anybody had asked him how he was going to die , he would never have said ' at the hands of the woman he loved ' . Martins sat at the back of the police car , his hands handcuffed behind his back . He was not sure if he should be grateful or sad . He was not going to die at the hands of RoseAnne but these agents weren 't much better . RoseAnne paused and nodded . " You are right . As soon as these cops clear out of here , I 'll get rid of her and get out of the country . I 'll have to pay someone to finish you off . That is if you are not already bleeding inside . " She was going to kill Wura ? No , she wouldn 't . She couldn 't . Martins could not believe he had once being in love with this girl . How did she hide all this hate from him ? " Hey , one more thing . " RoseAnne said . " Check this out . " She dug her hands in her pocket and brought out something . The Blue Canim ! " Oh yeah , my guys found it . I have the two things you love the most . " Martins saw Agent Sanni walking towards the car . He had to do something . They would not take his word over RoseAnne 's . She was a beautiful victim , he was a criminal already caught in the act . But he had to do something . " Agent , you have to believe me . I didn 't know it at first too but she 's the mastermind behind all these . " Martins said , hoping desperately the agent would believe him . " Ask Detective Muritala , he heard everything she said to me just now . " " Detective Muritala broke you out of jail , of course he 'll support you . " Agent Sanni said . " Well , it 's time for your questioning to resume and believe me , you will wish you had died here . " Agent Sanni shook his head and walked away . Martins bowed his head and hoped for the best . One minute later , Agent Sanni came back , holding the Blue Canim . Martins placed his hand over the swollen spot on his head . The prison doctors had checked him and they said he was not bleeding internally and he was going to survive . He was going to survive the head injuries but he knew there was a big chance he might not survive here in jail . He was not physically or emotionally stable enough to live the prison life . RoseAnne had disappeared into thin air . They were still looking for her but what were the chances she would actually be found ? Wura had gone to stay with her mother . That was the part that hurt him the most . He could not see his baby . Her mother had refused to let her visit and had even told Wura he was dead . Maybe it was better if he was . He stood up from the floor and looked around the cell room . There was nothing here he could use to kill himself . Except maybe starve himself to death . He followed the guard into a room and sat there . Whoever this lawyer was , he was going to fire him immediately . He didn 't need anyone defending him , he wanted to be punished . " That is exactly why I 'm here . " Tiny Tony said . " I 've got good news and I 've got good news . Which do you want to hear first ? " " The old detective , remember him ? Well , they released him on bail yesterday but he won 't be coming back . I got him and his woman in Ghana with Wura waiting for you . " May 17 , 2017The AftermathLordJosh Detective Muritala sat in front of his boss and like every time it had happened , he wished he didn 't have to . She looked at him with suspicion , almost as if she knew what he wanted to talk about . He 'd thought about several ways he could get Martins out of the station and from the hand of his torturers and he realized he needed the help of someone higher than him . " The very one . " He had caught her attention now . " It makes sense if you think about it . He owns a jewelry store , the thief steals jewelry . " He 'd thought about this carefully . She didn 't know about Martins ' arrest yet . The headquarters were keeping it under wraps and he was grateful they did . " This isn 't unprecedented . " He said . " And I 'm not cutting them out of the investigation , I just need to question him here on my turf . " " This won 't affect you in anyway . " Detective Muritala said . " I wouldn 't even have come to you if I had the authority to sign the necessary forms . " " If I close this case , you realize you get all the credit ? " She liked that . " And all I need is bring him here , question him , return him to them and we can put him away while they try to figure out what 's happening . " The bald officer - he actually still didn 't know the guy 's name , had promised once he got a letter requesting the prisoner transfer , he would find a way to get him out of the station . Once he was out of the gates of the police station , he had made arrangements for people to grab him . The plan was coming together already . Detective Muritala shook his head as he walked out of the DPO 's office . Breaking out a prisoner was the latest to be added to his list of sins . That list was growing longer every day now . But this would be the last he would do . Once he got Martins out and the man he 'd spoken to on the phone before paid him like he promised , he would get Shekiya and leave the country . The door opened and Martins looked up , the evil twins were back . If their faces were anything to go by , he was in a lot of trouble . He had given up on life now . He was going to rot here , if he didn 't die first . He would never see RoseAnne again or Wura . If they were still alive . " We don 't want to . " Agent Sanni said . " We have other people to interrogate . Just tell us what we want to know and you won 't see us ever again . " They both walked out of the room . Martins looked around , he was done with this . He was not going to be tortured any further . Even if it meant killing himself . The room was empty except for the table and chairs . There wasn 't much he could use to kill himself but he had to find something . He wasn 't going to be alive when the two demons came back . He shook the chair he sat on then he stood and hit it on the ground till it broke . He picked up the broken leg of the chair . It wasn 't the best weapon available but it would do the job . The only way he could use the piece of wood as a weapon was to stab himself . He sighed . He could not believe he had come to the point where he was considering suicide . Not just considering it , he was planning it . It was better if he died now though . It wasn 't like they would let him go anyway . At least now he could die without further torture . He picked up the piece of wood and lifted it up . He closed his eyes and gripped the wood as tight as he could . He had to do this once . If he survived the stab , he was in for a very terrible life afterwards . " Are you trying to break out ? " Agent Sanni asked and then turned to Detective Muritala . " And you were just going to stand there and watch him ? " " What on earth do you think you are doing ? " Agent Ponsah asked , his hands raised . " You are dead already , you know that , right ? " " I 'm transferring the prisoner . " Detective Muritala said . " You know what , I don 't want any trouble from you clowns . Hand me your phones now . " Martins was not sure if this was a breakout or a transfer like the Detective kept saying but at least he was out of the crazy cell with the crazy agents who were trying to get him mad . The Detective had a pass of some sorts that got him out of the station without further violence . Martins was thrown in the back of a police Hilux , beside the bald officer who was working for the person who hired him . Detective Muritala sat in front of the car with the driver . Two of the three people in the car were not clean , that much he knew . Was this a rescue mission ? If it was , who was the sponsor ? And where were they taking him ? A few seconds after the driver walked away , another man came and entered the car . Detective Muritala and the bald officer said nothing . The man started the car and drove into the road . Martins looked at the man , he was familiar . Yes , he remembered him now ; he was one of Tiny Tony 's men . This was a breakout . But this wasn 't necessarily good news for him . The bald officer beside him was the one who delivered the news of RoseAnne and Wura 's capture to him . He was probably going to be tortured again or worse they would make him watch while they tortured the girls . He leaned back in the car and shook his head . There was no point worrying ; he would cross that bridge when he got there . But he could not stop thinking about his daughter . She was too young to go through all of these . The ache hammered at his head like someone was splitting wood on his temple . He slowly opened his eyes and for a few seconds he did not know where he was . He looked around the small room . It was a painted pink , like Wura 's room . There was a pink train set that ran around the room and big pink teddy bear . Wura had those too . What the hell was happening ? He stood and immediately reached for a wall , his eyes swarm and tongue tasted salty . He looked down at his shirt and saw blood then he remembered the accident . A car had hit them . Maybe ' the accident ' wasn 't an accident . Where was Detective Muritala and the bald officer ? Did Tiny Tony have anything to do with this ? He dragged along the wall till he got to the door . He knocked on it . There was no answer . He raised his hand to knock again but the door swung open and he saw a tall man standing in front of him . The man was not familiar . Maybe he was one of the guys who worked for Tiny Tony . " I 'm going to get you out of here , I promise . " Martins said then turned to the man . " Where is your boss , I need to talk to him , now ! " May 10 , 2017The AftermathLordJosh The room was dark and Martins could not tell if it was day or night . He laid on the floor on his side . He was not sure how long he had been in that one position but he was sure he was not changing anytime soon . His body hurt all over , he was sure things were broken in different places . At some point he had expected to die but apparently the human body could take way more than he assumed . He did not even pass out once . His torturers knew what they were doing . They hurt him so much but only till the point his body could take it . They had taken a break but he was sure they would be back . And soon . This wasn 't even about the Blue Canim , they didn 't know about that . They were asking him a question he couldn 't quite answer . He did not know who originally got the information about where the seized properties were kept so there was no way he could give them that information . He could give them Tiny Tony 's name but they would never find him and so they 'll think he sent them on a wild goose chase . That wouldn 't reduce the torture at all . The door opened and he heard a set of boots enter the room . A switch clicked and light flooded the room . The light went straight into his eyes and shut them quickly . Martins struggled to push his legs out but they wouldn 't move . It was probably stupid that he had stayed in one position for so long . His body was now too stiff to move without excruciating pain . He wanted to cry . No , he was crying already . The tears were not falling yet but he was sobbing inside . This was not what he bargained for . Ponsah , the demoniac put his arm under him and pulled him up . He left Martins as soon as he was upright and he shouldn 't have . Martins crumbled back to the floor , his whole body shaking with the pain that coursed through it . " I already told you … " Agent Ponsah moved closer and Martins stopped . " Let me explain to you how I got his job , maybe that will help me . " " I have a contact , Tiny Tony . " That was the first time he was telling anybody about Tony but who cared , he was about to die anyway . " He got the job from somebody , I don 't know who , and told me about it . " Detective Muritala sat in front of the police station , his hands on his head . It was a posture of doom and gloom and it got him stares from passersby but that was exactly how he felt . His son was dead ? Everything he had done was for nothing ? He had soiled his name , soiled his hands , soiled his records and now it was all for nothing ? He did not even get to do anything for the son , nothing at all . Worse still , they never even met . He removed his hands from his head and covered his face with them . He wanted to cry but the tears did not come . He wanted to go throw himself off a tall building but that would mean standing up and he did not have the will to do even that . What was he to do now ? Shekiya would be devastated , the son was all she had . It was her fault this had happened to him . Why did she come ? Why didn 't she just stay with her son ? Why did she have to tell him he had a son ? Why did she have the son at all ? He looked up the stairs and saw the bald officer who had let him in to see Martins . He ignored the officer and looked ahead . He should probably go to Kano to be with Shekiya . But will she want to be with him ? He had left her all those years because of his stupid arrogance and now when she came back to him for help , he had done nothing . He was as useless now as he was then . Martins ? Die ? So what if he died ? He was a thief who had probably killed too , even though he insisted he hadn 't . Martins was a criminal who had successfully roped him into his crime , he did not care if he died . Detective Muritala shook his head . He could not imagine the depths of filth he had descended into just to save his son . He hated himself for what he had done . He hated everyone who helped him do it . Martins , especially . " I don 't have any relationship with him . " Detective Muritala cut him off . " He was a suspect in a few cases I was running and now he 's going to jail for sure so , that 's it . I 'm done with him . " The officer moved closer . " Who do you think you are kidding ? I don 't know exactly how , but I know you were involved in this robbery . " " I know you didn 't have anything to do with it , alright . " The officer said . " But let 's say you did . Are you sure you want him in there ? Are you sure he won 't mention your name to his torturers ? Are you sure he hasn 't already ? " Maybe it was time he headed for Kano . If Martins named him as an accomplice he could always just stay there . And if the heat got too much , he could move to Chad , he had people there . There was no need to wait anymore , he was leaving town . " That was not what I was expecting . " The person on the phone sounded genuinely surprised . " Sounds like you don 't care about your son anymore . " " Look detective , I am a desperate man here , okay ? I tried using the carrot , unfortunately that failed . Now I have to use the cane . " " No need for threats Detective . Just fulfil your end of the deal and I promise you I will fulfil my end . Your son may be gone but I 'm sure you and your woman could use some retirement fund . " Detective Muritala stayed quiet . He had gone to bed with a criminal once and he had lost everything he held dear , including the person for whom he did all these . Why on earth would he do the same again ? What was the assurance this terrible person on the phone will not harm Shekiya anyway ? Tiny Tony ended the call and set the phone down on the table . He could not believe that he was now down to the level of threatening women . Things had changed for him . For everybody . Martins was locked up , taking regular doses of beating . RoseAnne and Wura were not faring much better . Nobody had laid a hand on them , he had begged for that but they weren 't exactly in heaven . In less than a week , he had gone from a wealthy and connected business man who had a good criminal reputation to a person who betrayed his friend , threatened innocent people and ran errands for a pompous idiot . He sighed and stood . He walked to the window and looked out . He caught sight of a construction work going on just across the road from the building he was in . It was a gigantic building , probably owned by some corrupt politician in Abuja . He shook his head , who was he to judge a corrupt politician ? Martins was crazy but he was a good person . He 'd stolen much in his time but he 'd never hurt any of his targets . He had drugged them , he had gassed them , he had done all sorts of things he would go to hell for but he never permanently hurt any of them . He did not deserve to go down as the victim of his friend 's betrayal . He had to do something about it . The one person that had turned his life to this nightmare . Ojiji , as he liked to be called was a huge man . He was huge to men with average height , it was worse for Tiny Tony . He was nobody as far as Tiny Tony could tell . Nobody in the game knew him or where he came from but he 'd bought his way with money . He had loads of it and for some reason he was very interested in Martins . At first he suspected nothing of Ojiji , which was very unlike him . He had survived so long in the business by instinctively knowing who was good and was who bad . He was probably mesmerized by all the money , idiot . Now , he was so deep into whatever Ojiji was doing he could not get out . " Okay , if you say so . " Ojiji said . " But just so you know , for every action , there will be an equal and opposite reaction . " Detective Muritala paced in front of the police station , there was a lot on his mind . He had made his peace with the fact that his son was dead and there was nothing he could do about it . No , he had not made his peace with it but he had pushed it to the back of his mind . He had to rescue Shekiya now . He was not sure how but he would . If he lost Shekiya too then he would kill himself , consequences be damned . He shook his head ; that would not happen . May 3 , 2017The AftermathLordJosh Martins paced in the room , his face still throbbing from the punches . Things had gotten out of hand . The only reason he had had so much confidence was because he assumed RoseAnne and Wura were safe . How did they find them ? He 'd made sure Tiny Tony did not get a whiff of their travel . Was someone watching him ? Or worse , watching them ? His options were limited . There was no way he would see harm come to RoseAnne or his daughter . He did not want to hand over the Blue Canim but he would , if it would mean his girls could go free . If . That uncertainty was his fear . Criminals were known to break their promise from time to time . He had to negotiate his way out of this one . RoseAnne and Wura were unlikely to be harmed for now , as long as there was a chance he would cooperate . Martins knocked on the door . No answer . He banged on it . He heard a foot shuffle behind the door . " Shut up , you big , bald idiot . " Martins said . " I 'm not giving you anything if you don 't get me out . If I give you what you want , how do I know you won 't hurt my daughter and leave me to rot here ? " " I see what 's going on here . You don 't know anything , they just paid you to beat me up and question me . " Martins pulled the chair and sat . " Let me tell you how this works . I am a high value prisoner to whoever paid you because of what I have . They will torture and threaten me until I give them what I have . But until I do so , I am very important to them . Do you understand ? " " I don 't care how this works . " The officer said . " I only care about doing the job I 'm paid for . And if you 're so good , you pompous bastard , how come you are the one in jail ? " The guy had a point . If he was so great , he shouldn 't be in jail . If he 'd followed his instincts to take RoseAnne and Wura and walk into the sunset , he wouldn 't be here . Greed and obsession ; that was what he followed . " There 's no need for all these talk , " Martins said . " This isn 't a peace summit . I 'm not giving you anything until I 'm out of here . " Martins chuckled . " You just confirmed you don 't know who you are working for . You know what , I 'm not talking with you anymore . The next time you talk to whoever is giving you orders , tell them I want to talk to Tiny Tony . " Detective Muritala panted as he ran to the foot of the stairs of the plane . He was lucky to have met the plane , he 'd been told . He was on his way to Kano again and like his previous trip , he was going with a lot of apprehension . Shekiya had called to say his son was in a coma and the chances of him coming out of it were getting lower by the minute . He was yet to meet the boy or he should say the boy was yet to meet him . If he died now … he shook the thought off his mind , he was not going to die . He entered the plane and found his seat . He was just sitting when his phone rang . He did not know this number and frankly he was not in the mood to speak to anyone . What if it was Shekiya calling ? He answered the call . Detective Muritala paused . Who was this man on the phone ? How did he know about his son ? More importantly , what was this deal he was talking about ? " You don 't have to trust me but this is a business transaction for me . My people have already spoken to them at the hospital in Kano and I know how much you need . The money is on ground already , all I need to do is give the signal and your son 's life will be saved . " What the man was asking was simple . All he had to do was get something from Martins through any means he could and his son would be saved . He owed this Martins man no loyalty , none at all . " Alright , I 'll do it . " Detective Muritala said . " What do you want me to collect from him ? " " Just a small jewel called the Blue Canim . " Martins sat , resting his head on the table in front of him . He had not eaten anything since he was caught . He 'd not even been given water . He 'd been a criminal for a long time but he 'd never suffered the consequences , things had changed so fast . He was hot , he needed to use the toilet , he was of course thirsty but nobody had answered his request for any of those things . They say crime does not pay but crime had paid him big time but now he was the one paying . His discomfort wasn 't his biggest problem at the moment , it was the thought of his daughter and RoseAnne stuck with these criminals . Who knew what they may have done to RoseAnne or worse still , to Wura . He shook his head , he shouldn 't be thinking about things like this . Or maybe he should . He deserved the mental torture . He 'd been a very bad person , he should pay for it . The door to the room opened and he lifted his head from the table . Two men entered , both of them people he 'd never seen . From the suits they wore to their composure , he knew these were not street police officers like the idiot he 'd been dealing with . They could be secret service or something more covert than the secret service . Martins looked from one agent to the other as they sat . Agent Sanni looked like he was the one running the show but Agent Ponsah looked more intense . They didn 't look like men who came to play . But agents ? " I 'm sorry I cannot say . " Agent Sanni said . " Our unit is a convert operation . For your peace of mind , just think of us as police . " " Martins , " Agent Sanni started . " I hope you understand you are in a lot of trouble . Giving us a name right now will go a long way to help you . " " Oh , so guys can offer deals like the FBI does in movies ? If I give you my source , you put under witness protection and I go and live in a far place like Kotangora . Is that it ? " " That 's nice to hear . " Martins said . " This is what I want ; a full pardon , no prosecution at all and I 'll give you the name of my source . I 'll even give you the name of his grandfather if you want . " " I didn 't have a partner . " Martins said . " If I did and I 'm not saying I did , do you think I would sell him out ? " Detective Muritala entered the station feeling like every eye was on him and they all knew what he wanted to do . He couldn 't overanalyze this . The only thing he placed his mind on was his son . He needed to save his son and he had promised he would do anything it would take and that was what he was about to do . He looked around , there were no familiar faces . He needed access to Martins . Was he really going to kill him ? Maybe he didn 't have to . The only thing the man said was to make sure he didn 't leave the station . Oh , this was too hard . All his years of honest service and integrity had disappeared like smoke . First he agreed to help a thief steal from the police , now he was considering murdering that thief . Was his son worth all of these ? He heard a scream come from inside the station and he hurried in the direction of the scream . The closer he got to the scream , the more he was convinced it was coming from Martins . Was he being tortured ? The bald officer walked away and Detective Muritala followed him . The screams he was hearing made him nauseous . How was he supposed to talk to Martins now with the goons in the room ? Even if he waited till they , what were the chances Martins would want to talk to him or even be able to ? His phone vibrated in his pocket and his heart skipped a beat . Could be the man who promised to take care of Ahmad . Or maybe it was Shekiya . He brought out the phone ; it was Shekiya . He couldn 't remember the last time he received a good call from the woman . He sighed and answered the call . April 27 , 2017The AftermathLordJosh Detective Muritala heard the commotion inside the station and knew something was wrong . He also knew he was at fault for whatever had happened . All he had to do was cut out the power and Martins had done half of the work . He was supposed to wait for the signal , move closer to the power source and pull a simple switch . But Shekiya had called to tell him his son was getting worse and he had been distracted . He eventually cut the power but it was late . Very late . If Martins had been caught he had to get him out . It wasn 't part of their deal but if he was arrested the deal was off . His son needed the money so Martins could not be arrested . He entered the station and his fear was confirmed . Power had been restored and he could see everything . The way to the store where Martins was supposed to be was crowded . There was so much noise and movement he was not sure where to start . Whoever was running the station at the moment was stupid . They had caught a thief and they didn 't have people protecting the door . Detective Muritala made his way through the crowd . He caught a glimpse of Martins being carried by an officer into one of the interrogation rooms . He looked like he was unconscious . Detective Muritala tapped the woman standing beside him . The woman pointed to a bald man , standing close to the door of the store . Detective Muritala headed towards the man . The man was not familiar so he was not likely to be so high on the chain of command . He 'd made it his job to know all his seniors . He was almost in front of the man when two officers blocked his path . Detective Muritala showed them his ID . They saw his name and more importantly they saw his rank . One of the officers walked to the bald officer and spoke to him . The man looked at Detective Muritala , nodded , and they let him through . " It 's pretty obvious . " Detective Muritala said . " I think you should clear this area and put people at the door , nobody should be able to enter the station at this time . " Detective Muritala knew this question could put him trouble or lead to more questions that would put him in trouble . But he had to know what Martins would say . Would he sell him out ? His head throbbed with pain . The last thing he remembered was several people surrounding him in the store . The Blue Canim . Well , they would never find that . He was in a dark room but it wasn 't the store . The smell of money wasn 't here and this room was colder than the store . Was he still in the police station ? Did the detective know he 'd been caught ? Was this it ? The end of everything ? He rubbed his head and winced . What is going to happen to Wura now ? He shouldn 't have done this . He 'd been seduced by the idea of finally having the Blue Canim and he was going to pay the ultimate price for it . He 'd been very confident he would not be caught . It was not confidence , it was stupid arrogance . Martins stayed quiet . He 'd flirted with jail since the day he started stealing but it was looking so real to him now . Wura would be without a father . She would live with her mother and her numerous boyfriends . It wasn 't a picture he wanted to imagine . There was no advantage that could come from talking to this man . He needed a way out . The chances of Tiny Tony coming to his aid were low . Tony knew people , even policemen but he doubted he would want to have anything to do with him at this time . There was even a chance he was the one who set him up . He and whoever he was working for . Detective Muritala was still his best shot to getting out . It was dangerous putting himself at the mercy of the detective but the man was desperate . He still needed money for his son . The officer chuckled . " My teeth are not going to fall out but believe me , yours will . Or pardon me , they won 't fall out , they will be pulled out . " Martins knew this was not an empty threat . Nobody cared about the rule of law or prisoner safety in Nigeria . They could cut off all his appendages and no one would care . Martins heard a chair shift , followed by the sound of footsteps then the door opened . He had two plays ; the cane and the carrot . Any of them could set him free . He could offer the detective money to get him out or send a threat to Tiny Tony . He preferred the first option . There was a third option though and he might be forced to use that option . Whoever had sent him for the Blue Canim probably still wanted it . Nobody would find it except he told them where it was . He could offer them the Blue Canim in exchange for his freedom . He was not sure who Tiny Tony was working for but he knew they probably had the power to get him out . If - when he got free , he was taking RoseAnne and Wura and going somewhere Tiny Tony and his client could not find him . Or the Blue Canim . The door opened and someone entered the room . He heard a click and the light flooded the room . Martins shielded his eyes with his palm and waited for his eyes to adjust to the light . He looked up and Detective Muritala was standing in front of him ? Detective Muritala sat and looked Martins in the eye . They needed a way to communicate without alerting the officers outside to what was going on . There was no piece of paper to write on . He did not understand or speak sign language and he never got around to learning Morse code . He had very limited options . " Don 't worry , they 'll come to you very soon . Just tell them , I have what they want but I 'm not releasing it until they get me out of here . " Martins said . " Before I leave , you have to give me something . " Detective Muritala said . " Some information . Don 't let the good officers outside think I 'm your errand boy . " Martins opened his eyes and sat up immediately . Light filtered in through a small window behind the room where he was held . It was morning . He had struggled to stay awake though the night . Detective Muritala had gone and was yet to return . He did not trust any of the other officers not to manhandle him . Better to be shot while you were awake than to be raped in your sleep . He 'd lost the battle against nature and didn 't even know it until now . Sometimes deep into the night , movement had stopped in front of his cell . They had probably gone home for the night ; they knew he was going nowhere . And that was a scary thought . He had a lot of confidence someone was going to pay his way out or break him out . But what if they didn 't ? He was not expecting anybody to come this early . He 'd expected that the whole morning would be spent in meetings , giving reports and patting each other 's backs for catching the thief . Stupid bureaucrats would give his rescuers all the time they needed to get him out . The door opened and the bald officer from the previous night entered . Only this time , he wore gloves and looked like he meant business . Something about his demeanor scared Martins . He 'd spent the whole of the previous day talking like he had something over the police but he did not . He had to continue the bluff though . The officer walked closer to him without saying a word . Martins had a foreboding something terrible was about to happen . The officer removed a small key from his pocket and reached for the handcuff on Martins ' hands . What on earth was going on ? Did Tiny Tony and his man send this man ? Well , the man did not know who he was dealing with . The officer pulled him up . " Hold a minute , let me catch my breath . " Martins said and breathed heavily for a few seconds . " You want to know where it is ? I left it in your wife 's … " Another punch to the stomach stopped him mid - insult . He coughed and spit out the blood in his mouth . This could be the end for him but it would very stupid for them to kill him when they did not have the Blue Canim yet . The officer pushed Martins on the table and held his throat with two strong hands . Martins struggled to get free but the weight of the officer was too much for him . He started to sweat and his he could not breathe . His eyes burned and his head hurt . He looked at the officer and it looked like he was not going to stop . April 19 , 2017The AftermathLordJosh It was the special night and everything was set for the job . He 'd never been more glad the Nigeria Police was not the FBI or NYPD . The Police had beefed up their security because of all the cash and valuables they were holding but still it was nothing a little creative thief could not get past . He walked into the police station through the front door . He wore no disguises , he was going in as Joseph Martins of Joe Martins Jewelry . The Martins everybody knew and could recognize . He wore tight navy blue trousers , a black T - shirt and a grey sweater with its zipper loose . It was a dull combination , the kind that wouldn 't get too much attention . It would also help him move through the darkness without been seen . He held a satchel . It was nothing but a satchel to everybody and they would find it so if they opened it but it had a secret compartment that held all the tools he needed . There was a Sergeant Bosede who had recently been posted to the Police Headquarters but he would not find her because her maternity leave started that week . He didn 't need the officer to find her but he needed to establish a reason for being in the station . He looked around the lobby ; there were a few armed officers , understandable considering what they held . They were smart enough not to show too much by bringing in too many officers though . Most people , even some officers in the station , did not know what they held . It was safer that way . Or so they thought . He looked at his watch again , it was 7 : 20 . Time for the next phase . He brought out his phone and typed . Detective Muritala was at the other end of the phone . The man was brilliant , way more than he 'd expected . He was desperate and that was good thing . The detective needed this to go well , almost as much as he needed it to . He hit the send button and waited . In one minute , the power will be cut off and everything will go black . He dipped his hands into his satchel and reached into the hidden compartment for the night vison goggles . Time was everything . As soon as the power went off , he needed to move . His eyes snapped open . He looked up and saw a woman standing in front of him . He was going to need to move in forty seconds , he could not be talking to anybody at that time . It was almost time . He looked up and saw one of the gun wielding officers looking at him . It did not matter because it was time for darkness . He looked down and waited for it . He looked at the light bulb above him , everything was fine . He looked at his watch , it was time . What on earth was happening with the Detective ? They 'd gone over the plan several times , why was he delaying ? The officer who was looking at him earlier , started towards him . Bloody , old , stupid detective was ruining this for him . He hated when things did not go to plan , it made him nervous and that was not good because the officer was already standing in front of him . He stood in front of Martins and his eyes went from his T - shirt to his sweater and his trousers . And then his eyes went to the satchel . Not the satchel , please . Martins ' hand was still on the goggles . He was already about two minutes late and he could do nothing without the goggles . That was if the stupid Detective ever got around to cutting the power . He needed to distract the officer from the satchel . Martins heard the officer retreat and he immediately pulled out the googles . He put them on and looked around the room . Most of the occupants of the room were taking it easy , they were used to power outages . The officer who was talking to him before was standing beside another one and the officer was pointing in his direction . Did they suspect him ? Were they coming for him ? He could not wait to find out . He looked at his watch , he had lost five minutes already . He got to the corridor leading to the store without any problem . Everybody was sitting still , waiting for the generator to come on . It never would , he had made sure of that but they did not know that . Some people had put on the torches on their phones but he walked without making any noise , most of them did not even hear him pass . The power outage was planned so it would coincide with the time they changed the guards at the door of the store . The blackout should have kept the door unguarded for a while but the Detective had delayed and now a new set of guards were posted at the door . He had a Taser in his satchel that could do the work but there was a great chance there would be noise and he would have to tie the officers . He didn 't have time for that . He had to do something else . He dug into his satchel and brought out a small high - power flashlight . He put it on and shone it in the direction of the officers . They immediately stood up and reached for their guns . " What are you doing here ? " Martins asked and before they could answer added . " How can you do your job when you can 't even see ? " The two of them walked away . Martins sighed . He could not believe that worked . It was a whole lot of help that the officers were drunk , they didn 't even bother to ask which office they were to report to to get their suspensions . He had no time to celebrate though . He knelt in front of the door , brought out his wrench and pick and went to work . They were stupid to use such a simple lock . But according to the Detective , changing the lock would draw the attention of people . It was still stupid . The locked clicked open and he pushed the door in . He entered the room and closed the door behind him . He looked around the room and shook his head at what he saw . It was a surprise no one else had broken into this place to steal the money . Cash lay on the ground in bundles and piles . If he wasn 't busy stealing something else , he would start hatching a plan to rob the station and steal all the cash . Focus ! He looked around for the safe that was supposed to hold the Blue Canim . According to Detective Muritala , it stood by itself , he could not miss it . But he was missing it at the moment . He walked around the room . There wasn 't much leg room , there was cash everywhere . A little stacking and arranging would have saved him all these stress . He pushed a stacked pack of dollars aside and saw the safe . He dragged it from under a pile of money he wished he could take too and carried it to the corner of the room . He set it down and set his satchel down beside it . He brought out a stethoscope and knelt beside the safe . He sighed deeply and placed the stethoscope beside the dial of the safe and turned it . It was a three combination lock and this could take a few minutes . It wasn 't his first time opening one of these safes but inside this safe was the Blue Canim ; that was enough to make him nervous . A lot could be going on outside but he had no time to think about that . He listened for the clicks and made a mental note of every number where he heard them . He was hot , sweat streamed down his face . Three minutes later and he gotten two of the combination numbers . That was faster than he expected . Maybe he would make up for the time he 'd lost before . He heard another click and that was it , he had the three numbers he needed . He smiled , time to meet you baby . He turned the dial to the first number , he heard the fence fall into the wheel notch . He turned again and the second fence fell . This was going great . He was about to turn the dial the third time when he heard voices outside the door . Had they found him ? Did the drunk officers tell somebody something ? He stopped and listened . The seconds dragged and felt like hours but he knew he could not move until he knew for sure the voices were not coming into the store . The door of the store opened and two people ; a man and a woman entered . It was the woman who had come to talk to him about Sergeant Bosede . Did she lead the officer here ? He stayed still and watched . They held torchlights but he was safe behind a huge stack of money . If and when they came around that huge stack , there was no escape for him . He dipped his hand in the satchel and gripped the Taser ; he would not go down without a fight . The man and the woman whispered to each other , he could not hear their words but it looked like they were not here for him . They were opportunists trying to steal part of the money . He was not surprised . Frankly , he expected more than just two people . He had no idea how long this people would spend in the store . He could not wait forever . He turned the dial again and the third fence fell into place . The safe was unlocked . All he had to do was pull the safe - door open . He took a deep breath and pulled the door . The hinges of the door creaked and Martins stopped . The other occupants of the room must have heard too because they were silent too . He ducked lower and waited to see what would happen . A couple of seconds later , he heard the door close softly . He looked ; they were gone . That was good but it wouldn 't be good for long . There was a huge chance they would send officers in his direction . He opened the safe totally and he could feel his heart racing . He was about to meet the real Blue Canim . He shone his flashlight into the safe and there it was . It sat there among the gold chains and diamond rings like a King , lost in the market in a town where no one knew who he was . Martins picked up the ring and smiled . At last , he had the Blue Canim . The door burst open and he dove to the floor . He heard the sound of boots on the floor , several flashlights swept through the room . They had found him . One of the boots moved towards him . His Taser would do some damage but it could not get him out . Was this it ? All these years of stealing and building his empire would be lost ? Wura ! He 'd been so lost in what he was doing he 'd forgotten his baby . He had to escape even if he would be shot . Wura was not going to grow up without a father . Martins kissed the Blue Canim , picked up his Taser and waited , ready to move . He would get out of this . He loved his daughter too much , he would get out of this . He heard a deep , crushing thud and for a second he could tell where the sound came from . Then his eyes began to water and he felt dizzy . He heard the sound again and this time it was accompanied by a searing pain in his head . He tried to stand but his legs were no longer functioning . He touched his head and felt something liquid on his head . It was not water . He looked up and saw an officer with the butt of a gun aimed at his head . April 12 , 2017The AftermathLordJosh Martins rolled the ring in - between his thumb and his forefinger . It was beautiful , made from 24 karats gold and Cullinan Diamond . It was large , one centimeter in diameter . The head of a Lion was edged on the ring and it had the words ' Dum vivimus , vivamus ' engraved on the inner circumference . It was a great thing , the Blue Canim . It was not meant to worn , it was meant to be worshipped . He looked at the ring in his hand and threw it against the wall . It wasn 't the real thing . He 'd owned several replicas of the Blue Canim , some of them very expensive but none of them could satisfy his hunger for it . Now he was close to holding the real thing he was besieged with doubt . Too many things plagued his mind . There was the problem of the two women who had been killed right after he robbed them . He no longer trusted Tiny Tony , there was that . And now , he was not sure how much the Detective knew about him and his side hustle . He 'd done this for almost two decades without getting caught , why would he throw it all away from one ring ? Except this wasn 't one ring ; this was the Blue Canim . RoseAnn was coming over later to discuss their trip , that part scared him too . He 'd finally found someone he could give his heart to , was the Blue Canim worth losing that relationship for ? And if he was caught , would she still date him when the whole world knew he was a thief ? Too many questions . He needed a break . He picked up his car keys and headed for the door . The fake Blue Canim caught his attention and he picked it up . He looked at it and put it in his pocket , it was better no one else saw this around him . It was the damn detective again . This was a sign , he was not doing this job again . No way , there was too much heat headed his way . " No , I 'm not . " The Detective said . " I could find evidence and get you locked up but that 's not what I want to do . I 'm here to propose something to you . " " I don 't know what you think you know about me , " Martins said . " But this sounds like a big joke to me . Let 's say you are right and I 'm a thief , why on earth will I need your help ? " " I know you did it . I could help them find evidence connecting you to the murder . I already have one and it 's only a matter of time before a team of more funded , trained and equipped people find out more . " Martins wanted to scoff at everything the Detective was saying but he could not . He was afraid the man was right . But there was no way he could take him up on his offer . At the end of the day , the man was still law enforcement . " No , I 'm not , that would be stupid . But being a father , you will understand what 's going through my mind . I don 't know anybody else who can help with me this amount of money that is why I 'm throwing away my integrity and reputation by coming to you . " " I hope you change your mind . " The Detective said and stood . " My son doesn 't have a long time but please call me if you do . " Martins stood and watched the Detective walk out of the office . He understood the Detective 's willingness to throw away his career for his son 's life . He should be able to do the same for his daughter . He would . But first , the Blue Canim . Martins stood by the car waiting for the bell to ring . He 'd made up his mind on what he would do . He was going for the Blue Canim but he could not concentrate with RoseAnn and Wura in town . He was not even sure where he had to break into to steal the Blue Canim yet . There was always a chance of him getting caught and he would not want his girls in town for that either . The bell rang , school was over for the day . For the term for his daughter and Aunt RoseAnne . He saw them coming out of the school hand in hand and he smiled . It wasn 't just a facial movement but the smile came from deep within . They made him happy and he would have nothing tamper with that . " Exactly . Wura has spent time with you in school but how many hours have you spent together , alone ? I know she looks so nice now but after a few days , she may not look so nice anymore . Maybe by the end of the week , you will pull out of the trip all together . " Martins sat across from Tiny Tony , listening but also watching the man . They were joking around , talking about different jobs they had pulled together . Martins was laughing at all the jokes and he even told some but he never forgot that Tiny Tony was not to be trusted . The police station wasn 't an easy target . He 'd stolen things from a military barracks before but that was still a residential area . This types of jobs worked better with a team . And more importantly , an inside man . The Detective ! Having the detective on his team would be a great advantage for him , if he could guarantee that the Detective will not sell him out . Tiny Tony knew this and Martins knew this too . The Detective would be a perfect insider . He was experienced and knowledgeable . He was known for his integrity so he probably won 't be the first suspect . But it was dangerous . Maybe he could find another person . It might take a little time but he would find another person . Love was not a good thing . Or maybe Parenthood was what he should blame . A week ago he was just a guy , living a simple uneventful life . He had integrity , he was honest and he had no affiliations with evil . But now , he had offered to help a thief and murderer and he was about to sell another piece of his soul now . " I know how junior detectives make money here . I know how they paid for their SUVs and Dubai trips , I just want a little bit of that . But for my son . " " I 'm not telling you anything you don 't know about . I 've been here for a long time and I know what I know . Please , just help me out . " Detective Muritala stood . " You are going to regret this . I know a lot more than you think . I may be old but I know every trick in the book and you are going to find out what it means to cross me . " He pushed his chair aside and walked out of the office . He closed the door behind him and leaned his head against the wall . This was his last point of call . Was he really this useless ? April 5 , 2017The AftermathLordJosh He looked at the necklace , shook his head and threw it on the table . He did not understand art at all . The necklace was not even made of gold , how could it cost so much ? But it wasn 't his job to care about the art or what it cost , his job was to handle business . And business was good when your best allies were not questioning you . He looked at Tiny Tony seated in front of him , he admired the man . He was a businessman to the core . He did his job , collected his pay and never asked questions . But he was also a man who valued contracts ; written or spoken . It was ironic how a man with so much integrity would be involved in the re - acquisition business . He didn 't have time to enjoy the irony though , Tiny Tony was clearly unhappy . " Look Tony , I apologize if you are angry and I understand . Believe me I do . " He said . " But you have to understand my situation too . I don 't call the shots and you know that . " " You gave me your word man to man . " Tiny Tony said . " All I had to do was poke around a little and I found out you were the one behind the hit . How long do you think it will take for Martins to find you ? " He smiled , walked around his desk and sat on the edge . Tiny Tony had to raise his neck at a bigger angle to look at him . He 'd learnt that little things like this mattered in power play . " Martins is a craftsman , a very good one but still a craftsman . He doesn 't have the brain for business or strategy that you and I have . That is why he will continue to work for us . " Tiny Tony laughed . " Work for us ? Martins is done . He doesn 't trust me anymore which means he doesn 't trust anyone . He won 't take a job even if you promised him the seven kingdoms . " " It is a game of thrones reference . What I 'm saying is , Martins won 't take any job anymore . Not from me , not from you , not from the President of the World . " He understood what he was saying and he had also had that doubt but not anymore . Men like Martins could not help what they were . He was a thief and he could never stop . He could go dark for a while , but that wouldn 't be for long . " I don 't care . It wasn 't the years I was counting , it was the number of times you 'd told me a lie . It had always been zero until yesterday . " " Will you let that go already ? " The old boy was stubborn . " I lied , I 'm sorry . My boss wanted the woman dead , what was I supposed to do ? Consider your feelings ? " Idiot ! He 'd just wasted a perfectly good phone on a perfectly useless man . He could not believe Tiny Tony had the nerve to ask him to do a job . The man used to be one of his most trusted allies but he was fast becoming one of the people he wished he could kill . It was not going to matter for much longer . He was leaving the country in a couple of weeks with his daughter and RoseAnn . After a long summer of fun and reflection he was sure he was not coming back to this life . The phone rang on the floor . He looked at the phone , so it wasn 't dead yet . He picked it up and looked , the screen was broken ; he couldn 't even see who was calling . He slid his finger from left to right on the screen . He winced as the glass cut him a little . He dropped the phone on a couch and began to pace . He was confused . A part of him screamed for him to let it go but he couldn 't . That part of him did not understand how much he wanted this . This was the jewelry that took down his mentor . His mentor had tried stealing the Blue Canim and like everybody else who did he was caught . He had so many big jobs in his time : he had stolen in a government house , he had stolen from a minister 's convoy , he had even stolen from a general in the army barracks but none of these compared to stealing the Blue Canim . If he did this and pulled it off , it was proof he was better than his mentor . Atletes gave their all to break Olympic records , Astronauts defied logic to access new planets , he would do all he could to steal the Blue Canim . Detective Muritala watched the man pour himself a cup of coffee . He 'd once been addicted to coffee himself so he always looked with pity when people casually poured coffee like it was water . There was something not so casual about this Mister Joe Martins though . He was not panicky or shifty or any of the things that generally aroused his attention , in fact he was normal . Too normal . He acted with too much ease , as if he was trying to stay calm . Martins smiled , he was back to his cool guy disguise . " If I did Detective , I would tell you . Anybody who is out there stealing jewelry is my enemy as much as yours . I should be the one most afraid of him . " " Mister Martins , I don 't know what you think about me or the institution I represent but I really need your help here . The woman this necklace was stolen from is somebody important to me . She was murdered , I need to find out who did this . " He stood , he 'd seen enough , Mister Martins knew about the stolen items . He was probably helping the thief sell the stolen items . As soon as he was back from Kaduna , he would get a warrant to search the store . Detective Muritala walked out of the office and left the door open . He 'd seen that little man somewhere before . Was he linked with the robbery ? Was that why Martins was nervous ? Detective Muritala stopped and looked back and his eyes met Martin 's as he closed the door . He remembered where he 'd seen the little man before . This was no longer a guess , Mister Joe Martins was definitely connected to the robberies . Detective Muritala arrived at the hospital barely hanging on . He was tired and weak . His shirt stuck to his body with sweat and his collars were soaked . This was not the first impression he wanted to make on his son . The boy probably thought he was an irresponsible father who abandoned his mother but at least he shouldn 't look like a loser while he made his apologies . He had to clean up a little . He walked to the attendant at the reception and got directions to the bathroom . He entered and crashed on top of a toilet seat . He let out a couple of sighs and leaned back in the seat . His tiredness was not entirely due to the journey , it was partly mental . He was not sure how he was supposed to tell Sekiya their sponsor was dead . It was even tougher since he truly could not provide the money his son needed . He wanted to cry , tears had welled up in his eyes and they were ready to fall . He grabbed a tissue and dabbed at his eyes , he was not going to cry . If what Sekiya told him was accurate , he still had a couple of days to gather the money . And he would , even if he had to give his life for it . He was about ten feet away from the room when he heard the commotion . He forgot all about his tiredness and ran . Oh God , please . He got to the door of the room and made to enter but a nurse stopped him . The nurse pushed him out and closed the door in his face . He wanted to punch the door open but that was not going to do him or his son any good . What was happening in there ? Was his son dying ? Was he dead ? He had to meet his son before he died . But no , he was not going to die Insha Allah , he would make sure of it . " No Musa , he 's not dead . " She said and he sighed , alhamdulilah . " But he 's dying . We need to find Mariam . " No , there was no way he was going to allow his son to die . He would save his son even if he had to sell his soul to do it . Even if he had to sell it to a jewelry thief . March 29 , 2017The AftermathLordJosh Detective Muritala looked at the picture of Ahmad , his son who he knew nothing about for twenty six years . Muritala didn 't think the boy looked a lot like him ; he had his mother 's beauty and her tenderness . But his eyes gave him away . They had a fierceness that Muritala 's had when he was younger . Detective Muritala set the picture down . He was not sure what to feel about this whole thing anymore , now he had time to process it . He had a son , something he had wanted for so long even though he could never commit enough to have but the son was dying . He stood from his chair and looked out through his window . He did not understand the obsession of the western world with views but he could certainly use a good view at the moment . The only thing he saw from his window were little children coming out of the police barracks ; some going to school , others going to hawk . He was not in the mood to look at children or worry about their problems . He needed a distraction . The DPO had requested to see him twice in a week , he had a son : he was definitely having a strange week . He started towards the DPO 's office . He did not shave that morning , another first in a long time but he did not expect to see anybody important . Definitely not the DPO . He got to her office , knocked and walked in . " I 'm on it . I 've interviewed a few people , you will have something on your desk very soon . " It was a lie , he was not preparing anything anymore . Not since he heard about his son . Detective Muritala turned around and headed for the door . A part of him wanted to finish this case , one last halleluiah before he said goodbye to the force but he had a son now , one who really needed him . He got to the door and opened it . He walked out of the room and closed the door behind him . He was not sure if he should be relieved she was taking the cases from him or he should be insulted . He was not going to decide , he had something else to worry about . As soon as he was done with this White Agate business , he was going to Kaduna to be with his son . Martins entered the house , trying his best to keep from running . He was fuming so much he could almost feel the heat coming out through his nose . Tiny Tony 's house was anything but tiny . It had only two floors but was so tall it was absurd . This detail always puzzled him but his height was a very sensitive subject for Tiny Tony so Martins had never broached the subject of his tall house . Tiny Tony 's feelings was the last thing on his mind at the moment though . Martins did not wait for him to finish the sentence before he landed a punch on his nose . Tiny Tony fell backwards and his towel fell off . Martins had never imagined fighting a naked man but he was too angry to stop . He jumped on Tiny Tony and landed another punch , this time on his mouth . He raised his hand to throw another punch but Tiny Tony landed one of his own . The punch connected with Martin 's ribcage and he groaned . " Okay Joe . I 'll tell you what you need to know . " Tiny Tony said . " The client who wanted the necklace , I don 't know who it is . " " I 'm not messing with you . " Tiny Tony moved closer to Martins . " I didn 't meet the client personally . I don 't meet all my clients in person , you know that . " " People know how to contact me when they need to . " Martins said then added . " Before you ask , there 's no way to trace this person . " Martins downed the glass of scotch at a go and swallowed a small cube of ice . That was not good . He coughed till his eyes were red and watery . It looked like nothing was going well for him today , not even drinking . He poured another cup and took a sip . He had a lot to think about but his mind was numb . Alcohol was not the solution but it certainly could not make things worse . Someone was framing him . Someone with enough resources to murder the woman inside the White Agate when everybody was on high alert . Someone who knew who he was going to steal from . Someone who probably shouldn 't be messed with . He drank the scotch and poured another cup . Was he wrong to trust Tiny Tony ? The man was his friend but like any other person in their business , he put money before anything else . Tiny Tony was not a great thief , he wasn 't a great liar either , he looked like he was telling the truth when he said he had no idea who was behind all these . Or maybe he had been paid enough money to learn how to lie . He heard footsteps coming from behind him and he sprung to his feet . No one was going to kill him in his own house . He looked back and it was RoseAnn . He smiled . There were several smart come - backs he could throw back at her but none of them came to mind so he just continued smiling . Nothing really was going well . " She 's gone to her room . " RoseAnn said . She looked at the half - empty bottle of scotch . " Are you drinking straight from the bottle ? " He looked at her and wondered how lucky it would be to have her as his woman . She was perfect . She was light - skinned , long legged , with the shapeliest hips he had seen all his life . Her lips looked supple , ready to be kissed and he hoped he would get to , someday soon . He smiled at his own vanity . It was nice to lust after something that wasn 't gold or diamond . " Okay , I have to ask another question . Money , how did it come ? Did you work in heaven and come to the earth to enjoy or do teachers make this much ? " He laughed and leaned back in the chair . She was right , what he had wasn 't too shabby . Why did he need to wait until some maniac ruined everything for him ? Detective Muritala trudged along the corridor to the room where the lady was murdered . It was his first time in The White Agate and the hotel made him angry . This was the kind of place he should have visited more often when he was younger . This was the kind of place he should have brought Sekiya and Ahmad to . Instead he had spent his life at a job where he was not appreciated and he would not be remembered as soon as he retired . He 'd spent his life being bitter and unhappy . His phone rang and the guard leading him to the room looked back at him . He loved to see the look on people 's face when they heard his ringtone . Yes , he still used a monotone , monochrome phone and he did not care what people thought about it . She did not continue but she did not say goodbye . Detective Muritala knew what that meant . She was still the same old Sekiya . This was her cue for him to press for more information . Detective Muritala contemplated what she 'd said . He had no response , at least not a good one . He honestly could not afford the test if it was as expensive as she was making it sound . " After we found the cut , I suspected the murderer had hurriedly taken off her necklace , something like that . My suspicions were confirmed when we checked security footage of her coming into the hotel last night . She had a necklace on , we have looked through the whole room ; the necklace is not here . " The guard handed him the passport . He opened and looked at the dates , the guard was right she had just come in . And people wonder why Nigerians in diaspora prefer to stay abroad . He looked at her name . March 22 , 2017The AftermathLordJosh Martins picked up the bottle of water from the seat beside him and downed the entire content of the bottle . He stepped out of his car and locked the door . He was parked some meters away from the hotel . He did not want much attention . A man in blue overalls coming out of a Mercedes Benz CLS 350 would get people 's attention . He held his briefcase tight , it held all the tools he needed . Well , except his brain . He was using more brain power than brute power for this job , his tools needed his biggest tool to function well . He got to the gate and showed his ID to the guard . The guard had probably seen a dozen technicians come to fix one thing or the other , he didn 't even look at Martins twice . It also helped that the ID was from Helix Engineering , the company the hotel used . Martins entered the hotel and stopped . The White Agate hotel was palatial . It wasn 't very tall ; only four stories but its height or lack of , took nothing away from its beauty . The walls were white and the roof was golden brown . Martins admired the hotel . He would bring RoseAnne to the place sometime in the future , if she ever agreed to go out with him . The hotel had a very well done landscape and a magnificent driveway , something that would be a problem if what he was stealing was large . He shook his head , he was here to steal , not admire the architecture of the hotel . The hotel was the type where a thief would be noticed in one minute . The hotel reception had six cameras that left no part uncovered , especially the entrance . That was not good . They had guards at the door who had guns and sophisticated communication systems . That was not good either . That meant there was no getting into the hotel without someone seeing him . He needed to get in without leaving any trace because once the woman noticed she had been robbed , they would check every camera . No thief worth his salt would get caught by camera though and he was worth every pinch of that salt . There was a back door into the hotel , fortunately , there was only one camera here . His plan was simple but he needed everything to go right . He rubbed his fake moustache and smoothened the artificial side burns . Even if somehow the cameras caught him , no one would recognize him but still he wasn 't taking that chance . He got the door and pushed it in . The voice stopped him . He 'd not expected anybody here , but he did not have to panic yet . He turned in the direction of the voice , it was a guard . That was not good . " My man , " Martins said . " Please , this is the third time this is happening this month . It happened a few days ago at Four Points . I forgot something that almost got us in trouble and my boss already said that was my last chance . If you call somebody now , this is it . " " My brother please . " Martins said and moved closer to the guard . " I 've had a lot on my mind , that 's why this happened . My wife died last year and last month the doctor diagnosed my daughter of cancer . I 've not even told my boss , I don 't know what to do . " He sighed and walked off . He had already spent more time than he planned entering the hotel . He hurried through a dark corridor and came out inside a large store . The store held supplies , things that probably would have interested him when he first started out . But he was a big deal now , he no longer had time for small things . He set his briefcase on the floor and opened it . He removed his tablet and opened the phonebook . He dialed the number marked ' target ' . In a few seconds a woman 's voice came from the other end of the phone . " Good evening Madam . We are sorry to disturb your evening but we have noticed an electrical fault in your room and we are sending a technician to check it out for you ma . " Martins said . " Yes ma , it was detected by our engineers . We will hate for this to become a bigger problem in the middle of the night ma . Our technician will be in and out of there in five minutes . " Martins smiled . She bought it , Plan A worked perfectly . He returned the tablet into the briefcase . He owed Kamal a bottle of wine for helping him hack the hotel 's phone network . It had made the call his simplest option . He opened the door at the other end of the store and came out inside the kitchen . The cooks were so busy they didn 't pay him much attention . He was counting on that . He stepped inside the restaurant and went up the stairs without anybody noticing him . There was no avoiding cameras here but it was better than riding the elevator . He walked , placing one foot gently after the other , careful not to walk too fast or too slow . Two minutes later he stood in front of Room 78A , this was it . He knocked and waited . He kept his head down , pretending to check something on his briefcase . The door opened and Martins paused , taken aback by the beauty of the woman . She was light skinned , very flashy . She was the kind of woman that would make a jealous husband kill himself . Even though she wore a turtleneck sweatshirt , he could see enough to know she was his kind of woman , not only by her face . He recovered his senses very fast and walked into the room . He was not here for the lady . He made sure the woman did not look into his eyes , that part was not disguised at all . He looked around the room , it was large and beautiful . The White Agate didn 't do anything mediocre . The bed was large and was covered with the most beautiful duvets he had ever seen . On the wall was a large painting of a beautiful Fulani girl leaning on a power bike . Martins looked around the room , the woman had a half drunk glass of wine on the table . That made his job very easy . The biggest question was , where was the necklace ? " Yes ma ' am . I 'll have to check some wiring in your bathroom . Could you please go in , see if there 's any personal stuff you want to remove ? " She stepped out of the bathroom . Now , he had to hope the woman took the wine . And on time . He entered the bathroom and closed the door . He had no repairs to make , all he had to do was sit down and wait till the drugs in the wine took effect . A couple of minutes passed and Martins heard no sound from the room . Was she out or was she just quiet ? Had she even taken the drink ? He could not open the door to find out . He heard a muffled voice call . The phone was still on . He ran to the phone and hung up . That was not very helpful but hopefully the kitchen would mind their business . He opened the wardrobe and pulled out a large box . He looked at the woman and for the first time in a long time , felt bad for stealing from somebody . He had no time for sentiments though so he opened the bag . Where are you , precious ? The phone rang and he jumped . The kitchen was probably calling back , he let the phone ring . He went back to the box . He removed clothes , lots of clothes . If the woman was in the country for just a few days , why did she have so many clothes ? The necklace was not in the box . The phone started to ring again . He looked at it and looked away . There was nothing else in the wardrobe or the room . He removed every cabinet , checked under every chair and table . There was a problem , he had to move the woman off the bed first . Even passed out , she looked beautiful . She deserved the necklace , it was meant for beauties like her not for whoever Tiny Tony got the job from . He no time for this , he was a professional and he had a job to do . He put his hands under the woman 's back and lifted her . She groaned . Crap ! He stopped and stood still . She wasn 't supposed to be awake yet . She wasn 't . He held her tighter , lifted her and carefully placed her on the rug . He removed the bed coverings and lifted the mattress ; there was nothing there . The phone rang again . This time he paid no attention to the phone . Did Tiny Tony send him on a fool 's errand ? Did the woman know she was going to be robbed ? Was this a trap ? He picked up his briefcase , he had to leave immediately . Was Tiny Tony trying to set him up ? He got to the door and looked back . Maybe he was missing something . He looked at the woman on the floor - her turtleneck . He ran back to the woman and pulled the neck of the shirt lower ; there it was . She was wearing the damn thing . Whew . He was glad he had taken that last look . He loosened the jewelry off her neck and smiled . Another job , done and dusted . He opened the briefcase , placed the necklace in it and locked it . Alright , time to leave . He opened the door and stepped out . He pinned his ID to his pocket and started for the staircase . He 'd taken only two steps when he saw two security men walking towards him . They 'd seen him so he could not run . If he was lucky then maybe they didn 't see what room he came out from . He walked towards them , as casual as he could . They already had their eyes on him . His briefcase was his biggest problem , it was too expensive and it looked it . He got to the men and smiled . He hoped the number would throw them off . They eyed him and walked away . He sighed , that was close . He walked fast now , there was no need for finesse anymore ; he just needed to get out . And as soon as the words came out of his mouth he knew he had made a mistake . The rooms on that floor ended at 80A . There was no 82A . He turned around and ran . Buffy 's partner followed him and he could hear Buffy talking ; the whole hotel was going to be looking for him in five seconds . He ran through the corridor till he got to the stairs . He ran down the stairs as fast as his feet could carry him , skipping as many steps as he could without falling . Buffy 's partner was close , maybe he should stop and fight the guy . It was a stupid idea though . He 'd missed , well , ended all his karate classes for the past two years and he had fought nobody in those two years . He would be killed by the Van Damme chasing him in two seconds . He got the end of the stairs and jumped out into the restaurant . A few people looked in his direction and he stopped running . He walked very fast to the kitchen door . From the corner of his eyes he saw another security officer sight him and head in his direction . Great , now Chuck Norris had joined the chase . He entered the kitchen and grabbed a knife from the sink . Yeah , like that ever worked . He opened the door into the large store he 'd entered through and ran to the exit door . He opened it , stopped and looked around . He picked up a big iron spoon and knocked off the handle with it . He jumped out of the store and closed the door behind him . No one could follow him out through that door now . He ran through a dark corridor for the back door , he was just a few seconds from his escape . The guard ! He had to deal with the guard at the door . Maybe he would be lucky and the guard would not know he was the one they were looking for . He slowed his pace as he approached the back door . He looked and the guard was asleep . What ? He could not believe his luck . He walked quickly and quietly towards the door , towards his escape . The man turned around to pick a paper and Martins hit him on the head as hard as he could . The man dropped down , cold . Martins shook his head and stepped out of the building . There was no way he could make it out of the gate without getting caught . He would have to do it old school . He looked at the fence , it wasn 't too high but he could still break something jumping down from it . Maybe there was another way . He looked and three guards were running in his direction . There was no other way , he was jumping . He could not jump with the briefcase . He threw it across the fence and in two seconds , he was on the fence himself . He looked at the guards , one of them had a gun . He jumped down , picked the briefcase and ran for his car . He removed the fake moustache and sideburns and stuffed them in his pocket . He got to his car and jumped in . He locked the doors and tried to calm his breath . That was close . He removed his overalls and threw them under the seat of the car . He was not safe yet , he had to leave . He started the car , turned it around and headed towards the hotel . His plan was simple . The guards were not likely to suspect him because of his car and they would probably be paying more attention to the cars leaving the hotel . He got to the gate of the hotel and stopped . " Guys , " A muffled voice came off the guard 's walkie - talkie . " The situation is now Code Red . I repeat the situation is now Code Red . The guest is dead . " About LordJosh Writes Every life is a story and we will make yours better with great stories . Entertaining , funny , suspenseful and sleep - depriving stories . Who cares about sleep anyway when a character is about to get killed ? Sleep is for the bored ! |
However , our first beach trip in two years reminded me of the Berenstain Bears book I read to Walter recently , The Berenstain Bears and Too Much Vacation , a book I 've had since I was a little girl , where Papa Bear envisions this glorious vacation for his family out in the woods , bought from a magazine ad . It doesn 't go very well , as you can imagine , but Mama Bear patiently takes pictures and remembers to bring along the canned food so they can at least eat . This was us in Florida a week ago , except I was Papa Bear . At least at the end of the story they always look back at the memories in the photographs and laugh . Before we could leave we needed to get some minor yard work done ( the house is on the market today and we 've been terribly busy doing home fixits ! ) . Of course after that it took me much longer to pack than I had anticipated , and the drive took us 10 + hours . It was a big day of travel , and not so different from the two Saturdays before that we spent driving to and from house - hunting and brewery - enjoying in Asheville with both boys , and one time with Dave 's parents too ! We finally arrived around midnight and unloaded the car . Put the boys to bed . Unpacked . Settled down with a craft beer of course . At this point I was sincerely looking forward to some time at the beach the next day . We woke up in the morning to gray skies and light rain . Mimi had a cold , so we were told to stay away , but we played in the surf anyway with her around lunch . She and Pop had flown down in her plane on Friday , the day before we got there , because the weather was supposed to be bad all weekend . It was nice to get out to the beach , and Walter loved the ocean . Afterward he showed off his new swimming skills at their pool . It 's so great to watch him swim like a fish ! Later , after a delicious nap , I woke up to " hurry up it 's dinner time . " We were supposed to go to dinner with the builders of Mimi and Pop 's beach home renovation . I had been loathe to have any plans the whole week , as my stress tank was quite full , but we happily got ready and into the car . When we arrived we found that the others had chosen a table with two benches . For a nursing mom , it 's necessary to have back support when you 're feeding your child , which I am known to do at the dinner table . And the builder and his wife had a 2 month old too ! The restaurant had a little couch area by the elevators , and Rex and I kept the wife and her baby company for a bit over there . I found out through chatting with her that her best friend lives in Asheville , with whom she often visits and loves it up there . It was a good chat , and I 've found that many people I meet or know have friends living in Asheville . That 's a good sign I think ! Mimi left the next day to take Granny ( her mom ) to Granny 's brother 's funeral in Texas . The weather forced them to cancel , since they were going to fly the small plane , and good thing too because Mimi came down with a high fever and had to go to the hospital . She was tested and diagnosed with double viral pneumonia . My mom had arrived at this point with her sweet dog Tashi . We went out to the beach after the rain stopped that afternoon , and we were greeted and attacked by a cloud of bugs at the dunes . There were definitely mosquitoes ( hello Zika ! ) and something else that had white wings and hurt when it bit , maybe a flying ant ? Sand fleas ? I almost poked my eye out swatting them off when we got to the beach , and Dave did a great job keeping them off of Rex . I must have gotten at least 50 bites over my entire body , but mostly on my lower legs . I have a very bad reaction to bug bites ; if I scratch them they become huge and swollen . Like soft - ball size at times . Once during the summer before my senior year in high school , I was similarly attacked on the beach at night in Naples , FL and ended up being taken to the hospital by the Jewish mom next door " three calls away from the President " because I was down there without my mom and this lady was worried about me after talking to me out on our balconies - top floor pool view ; - a couple steroid pills later I was fine . Oh lordy did my legs itch for several days , and I knew better now than to scratch them . I woke up at 3 : 30am one night with my whole body on fire , and the best way I have discovered over the years to stop the itching , at least for a few hours , is to turn the shower as hot as I can stand it , and scald my skin where the bites are . It makes me too hot and feel sick when I do that , but cortisone cream only works for a little itch every now and again . The fun times kept on coming . I felt like I did a thousand loads of laundry - everything was either wet or had throw up or sand on it ! - and we still ended up going home with a trash bag full of wet and dirty clothes to do . The dishwasher also ran every day . I happily emptied it except the one morning everyone was sleeping in , and Pop unloaded it for us ! Rexy turned 5 months old ! I had forgotten his special sticker tie so we had to improvise . I also left my hair straightener at home , which clearly is the best indication of the condition of my frazzled mind when we left . My mom used the leftover vegetables from homemade pizza night ( a tradition started in Longboat Key in 2012 with my good high school friend and her husband , who are finally having their first baby girl any day now ! ) and grabbed some chicken and sausage from Publix to make one of the most delicious pasta dishes I 've ever had . We think it 's because she " burned " the onions during meal prep . A fortuitous mistake ! The storms got so bad at one point that I was literally walking around like a chicken with my head cut off , wondering where to go with the children to hide from the storm . Every wall seemed to be made of glass ! It seemed like night outside although it was only late morning , and David was in the salle de bains and my mom was doing a sitting in her room . While hearing things whip around the house , wondering if a tree would come crashing through the wall of windows facing the canal , Dave came out to tell us where we should go and that a tree had fallen on the house . It turned out to be only one giant limb of this huge tree , and it crushed the edge of the roof , the solar panel pool heater pipes , a large portion of the fence , including part on the neighbor 's property , and also their new landscaping . The rest of the rotten tree was still standing , so Dave was worried about that falling too . Some other big trees came down in the neighborhood in the 50mph winds . That night we took our folks out to dinner at The Beach House in Bradenton , a good 20 minute drive - oh , my guilt over how much time we spend in the car is heavy these days ! Instead of having cocktails near the ocean , and sitting and staring at the view we tried so hard to get to to enjoy , since it was sunny for once , we sat inside in the AC with a minimal view , because it was too windy . Walter played in the surf both before and after dinner , totally soaking himself , and my mom bought him an awesome long - sleeve shirt . I really should carry around an extra set of clothes for all of us , not just Rex , these days . We stayed up late to make homemade peach ice cream , which my friend had done recently at our house on Memorial Day with the strawberries she and her kids had hand - picked . Because my mom insists on buying only organic food when she can , and we had stopped at Lane Southern Orchards for fresh peaches on the way down , the ice cream was heavenly . A redemption for my bad and sad mood . The rest of the short time we had down there was spent either getting tossed by the most violent waves I 've ever seen in the Gulf , or " steaming " and " boiling " ( per Walter ) under the fierce Florida sun . The last day , before we drove back home , we went for a walk on the beach . Luckily Dave had left our second sunscreen bottle out on the beach the day before , because the sun had definitely decided to scorch away the storm clouds , and we needed to reapply ( which later I think gave the baby a rash on his face from rubbing against me or his dad ) . Dave went back with the baby fairly quickly because he was worried about Rex overheating , and we needed to finish prepping for our departure . Walter had on a bathing suit , and I walked out in my clothes to bob in the waves with him . For a minute I thought Walter had a terrible sunburn , but it was only the reflection of his bright red life jacket , thank goodness . He did , however , have Mimi 's cold . I treated him to a ginger ale on the ride back , which he cuddled with while he took a nap . The ride home thankfully didn 't seem as long as the way down . When we got home , our pups and kitty were happy to see us after having been taken care of so faithfully by my BFF Jason . Some people move around a lot ( or at least once ! ) , but I have never lived anywhere but Atlanta , Georgia . Well , except when I was three - my first memories of life are out in the desert in Claremont , California . But everything else in my life has been right here in this metro area . I thought we were done moving for a long time . We finally just got settled in the new house and were enjoying our suburban life as a family of four , when this opportunity came to us . It was literally only a couple weeks after I said to Dave and my mom , " I want to live somewhere besides Atlanta , " but I was thinking of something like Alaska or Canada . Thank goodness we 're only going to be three hours away by car , not six hours by plane . The Universe knew I didn 't really mean that far away . It now feels like moving to East Cobb was a baby step for this move . I was very happy to get where we are now , but it had its challenges . I was pregnant , feeling terrible , and spent a lot of time being lonely . Moving 30 minutes away at times felt like an entire state away . But I navigated ( and cried ) until I got to a place where the boys and I are happy and busy - almost too busy ! Besides uprooting the great life we have here and leaving our beautiful home and yard and all our friends and family , one of the things that makes me the most sad about leaving is the diversity of East Cobb . I have been very happy to be a part of a really diverse ( and not just black and white too ! ) community over the last year . We are sometimes the only white people at an event , like story time at our local library . Asheville , unfortunately , is pretty white - washed . I know the mentality is open - minded there , but still . I like being in a melting pot of culture . However , I feel in my soul that this is the right move for us right now . Dave is very excited about his new career path . We met our realtor - and so far our only friend in Asheville - through our current next door neighbor , who has been super great to us ever since we moved to Marietta . I 'm a hippie at heart who cares more and more about the earth , and I love the artsy , green , sustainable , local culture up there . I 'm looking forward to this next challenge and all the opportunities we 'll have . I 'll really miss where we are , but sometimes you just gotta take a leap ! Yay don 't we look happy ! I was actually a bit disgruntled until this picture because we hadn 't come up with a good plan of what we wanted to do and had pretty much aimlessly wandered around downtown Asheville to no avail . Thank god for the beautiful scenery . When W was three months old , I was barely able to make it outside to the front porch . It amazes me the difference in my ability to cope with a baby now versus then ( though Rex 's personality is way more chill than W was as a baby ) . For example , we didn 't take Walter to a restaurant for dinner until he was six months old ( and we were exhausted and overwhelmed by the experience ) . Rex , however , by three months old , had been in six different states . Both weekends alone with the kids presented different challenges . The first weekend Dave was available by text and phone , but all grandparents were out of town , and I was also dog - sitting my mom 's sweet pups Tashi . Just to make life more fun , the dogs were throwing up around the house , the cat got a bladder infection , Tashi got a couple hot spots that needed frequent attention , and Rex had one of his worst night 's sleep ever . There might have been some crying around 3am one night , and it wasn 't the 2 month old . The second weekend all grandparents were in town , and we hung out with them , but Dave couldn 't be reached 98 % of the time . This is very unusual for us as we have seen each other almost every single day since we met ( literally ) , and we also talk a lot anyway . I had an upsetting dinner Friday night , so I spent almost the entire weekend getting depressed and unable to talk it out with my husband . And then Sunday morning I started reading a really psychologically crazy book The Hike for our book club , making me further nosedive . It took me until Wednesday to get out of my funk . I wanted to go hiking before we came home . The views were fantastic , but I probably won 't be back to Chimney Rock again . I love climbing mountains , but this was a staircase bolted onto the side of a mountain . And you drive halfway up the mountain on harrowing roads just to get to the bottom of the staircase ( which you pay a ton to " climb " ) . My fear of heights did not enjoy this very much . My legs and brain were jelly so the baby and I didn 't climb the last two staircases to the very top . But my other boys did ! We left Wednesday night around 9pm . I tried to sleep , as the boys , our most precious cargo , were both asleep , but somehow the back of an RV in the dark feels like a plane about to take off . And I don 't really like planes that much , so every time I was about to drift away , I would suddenly wake up fearful we were going to crash into something or drive off the road . One of Dave 's best friends , a former Marine like himself , was getting married . We 've been friends with the couple for a long time , so we knew we wanted to all attend , especially since Dave was asked to be a groomsman and W was asked to be the ring bearer . And there was no way I wanted to leave young Rex with grandparents for the weekend . After Rex 's birth I became unsure if I would attend , and this uncertainty stayed with me until I got into the RV to leave . I was even texting Jason , who was staying at our house with the animals , thirty minutes into the trip that I was insane and I should have stayed at home . I won 't lie , it was rough . It was a long trip for an already tired woman , but honestly I did it for Dave . He wanted his boys there , and his wife , to be with him as he celebrated this grand event with some of his dearest friends . There were other Marines there with their wives and kids whom we get together with every couple of years . We are scattered across the United States , but these people are very important to us , so we all make the effort to see each other when we can . Wednesday night we stopped at an RV park in Knoxville , TN . We figured the only way we could sanely make the 10 + hour drive was to not have to do it all in one day . We didn 't buy plane tickets because of the expense , for one , and also because we could never be sure who would go , given that Rex 's birth was so close to the wedding . The first night was a bit of a disaster . We got in around midnight and tried as quick as we could to set up the RV for sleeping . Walter woke up and asked questions as we moved stuff around , and I got Rex fed . Then we all settled down for the night 's sleep ( or what was left of it ) … and the heat in the RV didn 't work properly . It was also 34 ° outside . The furnace would turn on briefly , get nowhere near the temperature we set the thermostat to , then turn off for good . If we wanted it back on , we 'd have to restart the heat ourselves by getting out of bed and flipping the switch . Walter seemed cuddled in his comforter ( thank goodness I had brought a million blankets ) , but I was super worried about the baby . My face and hair were freezing to the touch . I bundled the baby up ( which made me worry about him sleeping with loose blankets and a hat on in bed ) , and I climbed in with Walter in his twin - I abandoned Dave in the double bed because it was too cold on his side near all the windows . Eventually we just turned the RV on and ran the heater . I was having visions of all of us dying from exhaust fumes when I finally passed out around 3am . Soon enough I woke again because the inside was too hot , and I immediately ripped the blankets off the baby , worried about him overheating , and turned the engine off , worried that we were going to run out of gas . Falling back asleep , this cold / warm cycle continued until we all , rather tiredly , woke up later in the morning . Thursday we drove the rest of the way , and I have to say , I love traveling in an RV . Dave has lots of experience driving large military vehicles , so during the day he seemed very at ease , plus the front seats are more like recliners than regular car seats . Walter got to watch TV , sleep , or draw on his clipboard . Rex slept for the most part . We had food , cold drinks , and a toilet at our convenience , and a comfy and easy place to nurse Rex when we stopped . And best of all , I got to buckle myself in to the couch and rest and read books when I wasn 't tending to other things . That 's the way to do it if you 're going to spend that much time traveling ! After a wonderful meal with the group , I actually asked Dave if we could hurry and go , which is very unlike me . I 'm usually literally the last to leave any type of party , but I was about to fall asleep on my feet . Another night passed uneventfully . I had been very worried about all four of us sleeping together in the same space , but Rex only woke me during the night when he wanted to nurse . Walter , thankfully , is as deep a sleeper as his daddy ! Friday was reception - prep and rehearsal day . We were late to the reception venue to help everyone and drove the RV there ( what else could we do ? ) , and unfortunately a Pyrex dish fell during a turn - around - pothole - miscalculation and shattered all over the tile floor . Consequently we learned where the RV vacuum was and how to use it . Later that evening we piled into our friend 's van , rather awkwardly but gratefully , to get to the church . I sat there nursing while the big boys practiced their roles . Because of my annual Christmas card mailings , I was approached by the best man 's wife , Dina . She said our card was on her fridge , and she loved the book list I put on the back . It was nice to make another friend , and we chatted during the rehearsal and sat together during dinner as well . She was a very lovely Jordanian woman who is a performance aviation engineer for GE . I find it very interesting to learn about the different , highly specific engineering jobs out there . Saturday was the big day . It turns out that David had many hours of obligations as a groomsman , so for most of the day I was on my own . This brought out a few tears as I was exhausted and hadn 't made this big a trip so quickly postpartum to be on my own . It was made worse when Walter , after having come to sit with me mid - ceremony when his ring - bearing duties were over , saw Daddy walking down the aisle with a bridesmaid and asked , " Mommy , did Daddy just marry that other woman ! ? ! " I kinda laughed and said " No , honey , he 's only married to me " and Walter replied , " But that was David . " We had several hours to kill in between the ceremony and reception while Daddy took pictures around town with the newlyweds . We played in the RV since we had checked out of the hotel earlier that day . Plans were to leave that night and repeat the driving procedure we had followed on the way up . After watching the first dance , finally in the same room together , Dave bee - lined for us . We ate a delicious dinner - one of the best wedding menus we 've had - drank some tasty beer , took photos in the photo booth , danced ( me with the baby at the breast , Dave holding an almost sleeping Walter , who had run around the dance floor with the other kids all night ) , and left early around 9 : 30pm . I didn 't want to go , but we knew we had to get out of there if we wanted to get to Cincinnati at a decent time . We rolled in around 2am and the blackout shades in the brand new hotel room proved to be very effective . We all slept until 9 : 30am , ate our last breakfast in the RV , and drove home . We even got to enjoy an extra hour and a half of driving time due to Sunday night road construction . Thank you , Georgia . I love a good July 4th . July is my favorite month because 1 . It 's summer , 2 . It 's my birthday month ( I was a Christmas - in - July baby ) , and 3 . Do I need another reason ? This year we made plans to drive up to Chattanooga to visit Dave 's sister for the holiday . They 're very busy ( a lawyer and a nurse anesthetist student ) , but the boys love seeing each other . Cousin W is only a year younger than Walt , and at this point it 's not super noticeable except for the verbal communication . Dave started the day running the Peachtree Road Race in the pouring rain but had his best time in years . He 's been running recently and really enjoying it again . We met up after the race at his parents ' house for a Beer and Bagels event - they have a long - standing tradition of running and knowing lots of other people who run too . We took off after and headed up north to eat a late lunch of homemade BBQ . My sister - in - law 's in - laws were there too and that 's the greatest thing about extending your family . You can find lots of wonderful people in the process . The meal finished off with delicious banana pudding , and then Walt took the nap he forgot to take in the car on the way up . We ate pizza and calzones at Lupi 's for dinner , then found some fireworks over Coolidge Park . We stayed out of the crowds but our view was perfect . It was probably better that we did because Walter kept asking to go back inside ( we were at my brother - in - law 's office ) . Once we turned on some music he seemed to enjoy the lights and ignore the loud bangs . Dave said that because Chattanooga is in a valley it 's possible that the mortars are extra loud . I shouldn 't have been , but I was surprised over how much Walter loved the aquarium from the first exhibit , nay , the first escalators , on . I guess it 's just another way he 's growing up , that he 's actually experiencing things now . We sat in front of the glass at many exhibits and just stared . Very cool jellyfish that light up throughout their bodies in rainbow colors . One boy didn 't think they were real . I think I liked these best of all , though I didn 't go through the river side of the aquarium . At that point I had a terrible headache from staring through all that thick , distorted glass . A headache that lasted several hours . I wonder how the fish feel about it . The animals don 't look as sad as the ones at the zoo do , but maybe that 's cause I haven 't watched Finding Nemo enough . We took Duggy to the beach the first day before we knew he wasn 't allowed . He loved it so much and ran around like the happiest puppy in the world . It was probably a good idea he couldn 't go again cause he ate a bunch of sand and seemed to not feel well for a few days after . We had the Marines come visit us too ! Kyle could only come Saturday night , but we were thankful to see him ! He had been at a tough security training course all week , and Dave had to lure him our way with promises of a steak dinner . We rented bikes and kid trailers / seats , which was awesome because neither Dave nor I had ridden in at least a decade . It was euphoric and fun , and I can 't wait to continue riding at home . Good thing the Atlanta Beltline will be in our neighborhood in a couple years . Dave drove the bike with the trailer , and Walt would say " Faster Daddy ! " every time he stopped pedaling ! There was an ill - fated evening where we tried to go out to eat . The restaurants on the island hadn 't had power for three hours , so all the good ones were still closed . The one we finally picked because we were starving was overpriced and not that good - especially the margaritas . Little C expressed his displeasure by dumping his mom 's marg all over her and her white shorts ! More friends arrived later that week ! Katye flew solo with her 4mo , and I picked them up at the airport in Sarasota . I love that the exit sign out of the airport has an arrow pointing towards " Beaches " ! Her husband and another Marine and his family joined us too . It was an eclectic group of friends , the conversation around the dinner table never got boring , but we all meshed really well I thought . What a joy . We finally made it to dinner at The Beach House the last night we were there . Dave ordered a bucket to celebrate ! The drinks there were insanely good , as was the food … and the company ! ! ! Due to the overwhelming generosity of my in - laws , who own a house in Florida , I was able to take a two week vacation at the beach recently . I convinced my mom to drive down with me and Walt to enjoy a few extra days there since my husband has limited vacation days off of work . I have to admit , I was a little worried . My relationship with my mother can be a test at times , sometimes making a dinner feel like a long event . But we had such a good time that it felt like a miracle . I think it was the best time we 've ever had together , and we got to experience some very cool things on top of that . The drive down was pretty fun , although it was an extra hour longer than I would have liked because we had a disappointing stop at the Lane peach orchards . I am usually the biggest fan , as their peaches are always the sweetest and never mealy , but the bushel we got there was disappointing ( they molded before they ever really ripened ) and the lunch we ordered was downright awful , including them putting chicken on my vegetarian mother 's salad . It is also inevitable that whenever I drive down to Florida I hit a bad rainstorm . The only segment of the drive where I personally drove , we went through this terrible storm where I couldn 't see anything , was terrified , and my mom kept telling me to drive faster . Her car is newer than mine and much more sensitive to the touch , so I was just happy to be on the other side of the storm alive . The next morning it started pouring . It poured the entire time the AC guys replaced a giant coil in the unit , which would have been expensive but my FIL is a master at negotiation and got them to extend the warranty thus saving himself thousands of dollars . Cool . And we put together the all - terrain wagon . Day two we took advantage of a friend 's membership at the Ritz Carlton nearby . Last year we had so much fun in their salt water pool and on the beach chairs with the great service , but this year Walter hadn 't gotten a lot of sleep ( we were sharing a room and tried to share a bed and he had never not slept in a crib / pack - n - play before ) and he was , to be honest , a pill . He cried in the pool . He said " No " a lot . But we had a good time anyway . Walt sat in Nini 's lap the whole time we watched Up . He had never sat through an entire movie before . When the old man threw all his furniture out of the house near the end , Walt got so upset ( " Oh no , what happened ! ? " with big tears ) that we had to pause the movie and explain to him what was going on ! The third day we went to the beach near the house and sat in camping chairs in the surf , which was amazing . We built sand castles . We ate at home a lot that week , but also enjoyed an evening at Dry Dock Grill - yum . Best key lime pie and fish tacos ever . We saw the most incredible sunset , which I tried to find again the rest of the two weeks we were there but failed , even though they 're all pretty awesome . My mom also introduced me to Jane the Virgin , a hysterical show I am currently finishing with Dave . The last day we tried swimming at the house but Walt cried . I think he was missing his dad , with whom he usually swims . Walt even asked to go home but stopped after I told him daddy would be there tomorrow . After such a blissful time with my mom , I was sad to see her leave , but she drove down to Miami to spend a few days with my brother and his family too . All in all , a great start to a great vacation . I was ready to see my husband though ! I 'm not sure we had spent that much time apart since 2008 ! My mom has this habit of , without fail , proclaiming that she 's going to move to wherever she 's just gone on vacation . I usually don 't do this ( even when I adore a vacation ) , but I am so in love with D . C . that I really wish we could move there . It is such an awesome city . We have tons of friends and family that live there , and as a history buff ( hello useless bachelor 's degree ) the museums and monuments are amazing . I love that you can just walk right by the President 's house , as if you 're simply strolling through a neighborhood . It 's clean . It feels safe . Public transportation . Easy navigation . This was our first real trip without Walter ; three nights away from him . I felt sad and glad to have some adventurous alone time with David . Also , I 'm pretty sure this is one of the best pictures I 've ever taken . I 'm just sayin ' . We got there and took the Metro into Alexandria to spend some time with my middle school BFF Sarah . She took us around Old Town , where we ate a delicious lunch ( with maple root beer , which was seriously syrupy ) , walked the Potomac , window shopped , and toured the Torpedo Factory , an amazingly unique place where artists rent work space and also sell their stuff . Super fun first day . Her husband watched their baby for us so we could hang out a bit ! And he cooked dinner for us : stuffed chicken and rice ! Yum ! What a guy ! Lunch was at this really cool old converted fire station . I love how they build the architecture in the D . C . area to last , or at least restore it when it 's falling apart . I really wish Atlanta felt the same way about her buildings . The next day we took the Metro back in to town to Foggy Bottom , where we stayed at the Marriott surrounded by G . W . students in their last weeks of classes . It was super close to everything and of course the room was nice . It was great to crash there after a long day of walking and sightseeing . We did the monuments the first day , which was a good decision because it was rainy and cold the next day when we did as many museums as we could . This picture was taken by a very cool guy from Ireland . We saw so many people with " selfie sticks " that it was almost embarrassing . We are fans of the old - fashioned way : get to know a stranger for a minute and ask them for this small favor . Don 't compartmentalize so much so that you never meet anyone new . We ate breakfast one day at Lincoln 's Waffles , an amazing breakfast place right by Ford 's Theatre . It might have been the best breakfast I 've ever had . Hot wings , waffles , sausage , and eggs … yes please ! It was warm in Atlanta when we left , so we weren 't totally prepared for the cold weather , even though I did check weather . com . I thought 65 and sunny would be warm . So I didn 't bring socks . Whoops . Friday night we ate dinner with my two high school best friends , family style in Arlington . We brought a bottle of wine on the Metro and walked the half a mile to their house . That in itself is so cool , coming from a car - dependent city like Atlanta . Saturday was spent touring museums . We waited in line at the US Archives to see the Declaration of Independence , Constitution , and Bill of Rights . It was other - worldly to be a room with the same exact documents that brought about something so incredible . We also went to the Air and Space Museum and the US History Museum . I had recently read The Aviator 's Wife , which made seeing Lindbergh 's plane even more exciting . The other history museum was decent . I liked the First Ladies exhibition the best , with their dresses and china patterns . George Washington ate on those plates ! Dinner on our last night was with Dave 's cousins at Firefly in Foggy Bottom . We had so much fun with them , and I can 't wait to go back to stay with them , as they have both offered their guest suites to us . How lovely ! Firefly had some of the best food I 've ever eaten . Completely worth the mile walk in the rain . Before I met Dave , I was interested in moving out of state . I had even applied to graduate programs all over the South . So far in my life I have only lived in Atlanta and also one other place ( for a year or two ) . My first memories come from Claremont , California , with our rock garden , tangerine tree , pool , and the coyotes howling in the faraway mountains . But Dave had just bought a house here , had just moved back here after boarding school and college and Marines , and I loved Dave , so I stayed put . Now , however , the world feels wide open and free . The house will sell . We are not obligated to buy anything else here . Yes , we have lots of friends and family here , lots of responsibilities and loves , but I feel something calling me out West . Maybe it 's the books I 'm reading . I never used to read multiple books at once , but right now I 'm still in the middle of a Benjamin Franklin biography , a novel about Nazi resistance , Laura Ingalls Wilder 's On the Banks of Plum Creek , and Chris Kyle 's memoir about being a SEAL sniper since 9 / 11 . Chris Kyle is a Texan through and through , and it has gotten me thinking about my husband . Dave has friends and family in Texas ( that I like too ! ) , and Texans really do love their veterans . I like horses , independence , cowboy hats , and * gasp * guns ( well , in actuality I love the people who love guns . I don 't mind rifles but I am not comfortable with a handgun ) . And being closer to the National Parks out West . And Mexico if The Day After Tomorrow turns out to be correct . Walt and I went to music class last week after Dave and I got home from our retreat in North Carolina . I found out our music teacher , whom we love , was also in Black Mountain while we were there . She was at something called the Leaf Festival , where they play music , camp , join in on drum circles , and artists sell their wares . Sounds like a lot of fun , actually . Adina brought back this very cool instrument that a man named Jonathan Rose had made out of used propane tanks . It makes a most beautiful sound . Who knew ? I always love the small world feeling you get when you see all these coincidences in your life . My father is on the board of Blossman Gas , a fantastic family - owned propane business in the Southeast . I plan on at least attempting to connect these people together for retail purposes ; it could be fun for them both ! And while Walter loves music class and has really blossomed there , Adina has played an even bigger role in our lives . I was struggling with Walter 's lack of talking and looking into speech therapy , but unsure if it was really necessary to spend the money when Walter seems so bright . I was on the fence of " every child develops differently " and " maybe he needs some help " . I mentioned this to Adina and she pushed me again to teach him sign language . My response was : I 've tried a million times and he just smiles at me ! But I 'll give it one more go I guess ! That week was the magic week . He picked up on signing a few words , and it must have flipped a switch in his brain . He went from 30 to 60 + words in the last couple weeks , copies sounds and words we make , speaks in phrases , and uses signs without prompting . He 's really getting it and it 's really fun to watch . I knew it was in there ( I wasn 't worried about that part of it ) , but I wanted it to come out ! The best part has been when we went grocery shopping the other day , without any prompting ever on my part , he pointed to the wine section and said repeatedly , " Wine ! Wine ! Wine ! " … That 's my boy ! |
Say and Do # 's 1 to 100People do the darndest things . You have , I have , we all have done what I call funny acts of stupidity . I know that this isn 't an excuse , but I think we come up with one after we get caught doing that darned thing that embarrasses us . So I have created a spot where we can share the the stories about our loved ones or friends mistakes . If you have a funny story , please go to the A casino is a place for you to gamble and have fun at the same time and that is exactly what EuroGrand has to offer . Excellent casino software for the die hard casino lovers and outstanding customer service . 1 . One time I was helping my wife do the laundry . We live in an apartment and the laundry room is outside . I was bringing back a dry load of clothes in the laundry basket and carrying a gallon bottle of bleach with it . When I bent down to put the basket on the living room floor , the bottle of bleach spilled on the dark brown carpet turn it a bright yellow . . . . Madtbone . 2 . A friend at work today told me that when he was a kid his Father cleaned out the bottom of the fireplace and put the ashes in a bag in the garage . A little while later his younger sister came running into the house and said calmly that the garage was on fire . When they went outside the garage was completely engulfed in flame . Then the car that was parked in the garage blew up from the gas tank . Yikes big mistake ! 3 . I even have a fireplace story . I really thought the ashes were out . I put them in a paper grocery bag and left them on the living room carpet near the fireplace . After about 10 minute we smelled smoke and saw that the bag was smoldering and had burned a hole in the carpet . . . . yes it is me again , Madtbone . 4 . I have had a couple of Brother - in - Laws pull this trick . Both of them had put new linoleum floors in their kitchens . In their hurry to get things back together again , they moved the refrigerator back into the kitchen and the weight tore up the new flooring . The 2nd Brother - in - Law did this right after we told him about the other one doing it . We tried to warn him but he didn 't want to listen to us . . . . yes my Brother - in - Laws , Madtbone . 5 . My Father - in - Law needed to change the vacuum cleaner bag and didn 't have one . So he had a good idea . He taped a big plastic garbage bag to where the old bag was . It worked fine for few minutes . Then the bag grew to a huge ball and blew up . Dirt flew everywhere . . . . what a mess , yikes that 's my Father - in - Law , Madtbone . 6 . My wife one time accidentally put dish washing soap in the dishwasher instead of the right kind of soap . She was in back of the house for awhile and when she came back to the kitchen my 2 year old twin son and daughter were up to their necks in soap suds having the time of their life . . . . yes my kids , Madtbone . 7 . My wife and her sisters took all the kids and went camping . A group of the older kids got there first and set up the tents . Later in the day when everyone was at the lake another nephew , who came up and saw the tents set up decided he wanted his tent in the place where there was already a tent . So he moved that tent and replaced it with his . During this time his brother was at the beach and when he came back , noticed what his brother had done . He told him that the tent he moved , wasn 't in our campsite . It was a stranger 's tent ! So then he started to frantically put the tent back with one nephew and his girlfriend saying , " here comes the people ! ! ! ! " but they were just messing with him . The funny part was when the people came back , and noticed that their tent was set up backwards and they had no tent stakes , then started giving us dirty looks ! Yes , this is my family again . . . . Madtbone . 8 . Years ago while my husband and I were making love in our bedroom , our 2 year old son can in the room without us knowing it . He proceeded to jump onto is Dad 's back and started yelling get em ' up pony ride em ' pony ! 9 . One time when I still lived at home , my 17 year old younger sister had her boy friend over in her bedroom . I was sitting at the kitchen table with one of my other sisters and all of a sudden her boyfriend can running out of her room , bare ass naked and it a full state of arousal , with my father chasing him out of the house . Looks like they were caught in the act ! Dad was MAD to say the least . 10 . I had a really neato toy that used a special type of caps . These caps were on a big square red sheet that was perforated into single caps . In an attempt to quickly cut them , I folded the sheet then cut it with a scissors . The caps exploded , and the fire ran up the scissors and burned my hand . The carpet caught fire too but I stamped it out and cleaned off the ashes . It took a few weeks for my mother to convince me to tell her how I had burned my hand . That story proves that those little labels on caps that say " Do not use without adult supervision " are serious . 11 . True story . . . . I was 8 months pregnant with my 1st child and at my moms dinner table when my step - father decided to start a food fight with me . . . he tried to toss an olive down my shirt so I retaliated by smearing mashed potatoes on his arm . . . I retreated under the table when his hand , full of his own mashed taters , comes charging for my face . . . we were laughing so hard . . . and there I am , on my hands and knees , under the table and I started to pee . . . being so very pregnant , I couldn 't control my bladder . . . so the more I laughed the more I peed . . . my mom and husband were tossing napkins under me as I was causing a flood . . needless to say . . . there haven 't been anymore food fights ! 13 . I live opposite a Service Station ( Petrol station or whatever you refer to it as over in the States ? ) I went across and filled the car up with gas then went inside and paid the attendant . However , instead of getting back into the car and driving back home . . . I left the service station and walked home , leaving the car behind . It didn 't dawn on me until I 'd been home for a brief period of time that something was wrong and then I clicked ! I 'd gone and left the car behind . I sheepishly went back across the road to collect my car and got an ear - full of laughter from the attendant and his cohorts . Needless to say that every time I go back to get either gas or other items of necessity I now get a response of " Are you sure you haven 't forgotten anything ? " " from the attendants with a friendly grin . ( I still haven 't had the courage to tell my wife about this little memory lapse episode - hehehe ) 15 . This is not an excuse , but one of the funniest stories I have ever heard . A friend of mine , ( who shall remain nameless for fear of retaliation ) was at the gynecologist for her regular checkup . When the doctor was doing the palpation part of the exam when he puts his hand inside and presses on the abdomen , my friend let out a HUGE fart ! The doc and the nurse gave a valiant effort at remaining stoic , but within a few seconds , all 3 collapsed into uncontrollable laughter and the doctor had to postpone the exam ! ! Needless to say , she was quite embarrassed and changed doctors immediately after this little episode . 16 . Last year we were doing a thing with vocabulary words . We hade to write the meanings for them . One of the words was petition . Well I hade to go up to the board and write a sentence for it . My sentence was " Before you could get a job you would have to sign a petition " . I went back to my seat and the teacher is laughing so hard I did not know what was wrong with her . Then she said said , " Mindy do you really have to sing a petition before you get a job ? " I looked at the board to find out I actually wrote the sentence " I have to sing a petition before I get a job . " The whole class was laughing at me . Then she went to get all the other teachers on that floor . They all where laughing at me . I was so embarrassed . 17 . We were doing a school play . One of my lines was , " We feel much better now " . Well when it came time to say that line this kid farted really loud so that the whole room heard it . I started busting out laughing at that and could not say my line . I covered my face and could not do the rest of they play . I was so embarrassed , the whole room was laughing at me . Bye the way the room had oh lets say 500 people in it . 18 . This happened to a friend of mine . Knowing that she had an appt . with her gynecologist that day , she took extra care to be clean and neat . She even sprayed a little deodorant on the parts to be inspected just to be safe . When her gynecologist entered the room and pulled up her gown , he smiled and said , " My aren 't we pretty today ! " My friend was absolutely appalled at the nerve of this man to make that kind of comment and didn 't bother hiding it , leaving in disgust as she as the exam was completed . When she got home that evening and undressed she looked down and realized that rather than applying the deodorant as intended , she had sprayed her daughters Barbie Glitter on herself . She called and apologized the next day . 19 . This message was sent to me from a computer analyst at the college I work at : The system spotted some corrupted document in your mail database overnight and attempted to fix it . It seems fine from this end now but I would feel better if you can tell me that everything is fine from your end as well . Can you do a quick check for me ? Look for messages that would have been delivered to you yesterday ( March 7th ) but that you haven 't seen yet , i . e . messages that never showed up in your Inbox . If you find any , can you please call me a . s . a . p . If you don 't find anything amiss , don 't worry about it . Is it just me or would I not see these " missing " messages cause . . . . THERE NOT F * * * ING THERE ? ? ! ! ! ! ! - agf - 20 . I live near a small neighborhood store . One night on the way home from work I stopped there and parked my van across the street . After buying what I needed I walked home leaving the van . . The next morning I woke up and upon not seeing my van parked out front I thought it had been stolen . I called the police and reported my vehicle stolen , thinking what a crappy neighborhood I live in . They said they would send someone out in about 30 minutes . Thinking a had a little time to kill , I walked up to the store to get a cup of coffee . It was only then that I realized what I had done . . . . . stuuupid . 21 . Well my family is quite funny and quite air headed . My older sister had taken my mother , her son , her boyfriend at the time , and myself to a wild life park for a joyful evening of animal watching and a picnic . After a few hours of her tormenting the caged animals and us gawking at them we decided to eat lunch my sister so taken by the buffalo walked over to the fence wearing a red t - shirt and red shorts and was making faces at them and noises and pointing at them one came close to the fence and as my sister turned around to face him he sneezed and blew snot all over her face and shirt . not knowing it was on her shirt she went to wipe the little on her face off and ended up putting more on and all over her arms and hands . she still tells em to avoid the buffalo and they since have put up fences so no one can get that close . 22 . My brother has a best friend . The two of them are like Laurel and Hardy . Both are a bit blond . My brother is 6 ' 5 " about 250 lbs and is built like a brick wall his friend Scotty is about 5 ' 9 " and 130 lbs if he 's lucky . They were working in a garage on their four wheelers and my brother felt a smack on the back of his head . He turned around and in anger smacked Scotty on the back of the head hard enough to smack the hat off of him . Scotty having no clue what it was for , smacked him back , after some confusion , smacking each other , and calling each other lude nasty names , my brother admitted that he had felt something hit the back of his head and accused Scotty for it . Scotty in shock said " I DIDN ' T DO IT " . Both confused and still calling each other names and hitting each other decided to forget about it and go back to work . Ten minutes later something hit Scotty in the head . Scotty turned and said " I TOLD YOU I DIDN ' T DO IT SO WHAT WAS THAT FOR " . My brother was on the ground looking at what he was repairing and looked up and said " HUH " ! ! As my brother looked up he said " LOOK OUT " . Scotty threw himself to the floor and looked up . Above them both was a bird flying around dodging them . Believe it or not situations like this is normal for the two of them . 23 . When I was little , my family ( three sisters , one brother , two foster brothers ) and their friends would all have food fights and water fights while my mom wasn 't home . One time in particular my sisters had gotten out ketchup , mustard , cool whip , and shaving cream . ALL at the same time . After throwing food and squirting it at each other and having fun they brought in the hose , because someone decided they were all to dirty and needed to get washed off . The house was saturated and was a complete mess . My sisters got together and cleaned the huge mess up with towels took the curtains down and washed them and washed their clothes so there were no traces of what had happened and decided to make up the excuse and that everyone had to stick together on what had happened . My mother returned the next day in the morning finding the house a little array and the floor soaked she waited for them to get up . They sat down and told my mom that they had to wash the floor cause they had spilt juice and the buckets of water as they were carrying them to where they had to clean . Thinking they had gotten away with it they smiled at my mom . My mom busted out in laughter knowing her children were full of it . She said " Is that ALL you have to tell me and you swear its true ? ? " They said " yes ! ! " . Mom stood up and told them to follow her . As they did mom pointed out the huge mustard stain on her curtain behind the door and also led them to the hose that was trailing through the yard to the back door left on . Then proceeded to tell them she found the cool whip bowl in the bath tub . Just goes to show you you can never REALLY fool your parents . Trust me THEY KNOW ! ! 24 . When I had just turned 16 , my parents let me take their car to school to show off that I had gotten my license . I was to call the minute I got home so they knew I was not out joy - riding . So I got home , pulled in the driveway and realized I didn 't have a house key . My parents came home 3 hours later , angry , thinking I 'd been out cruising around in their car . When I said I was locked out my mother replied , " Why didn 't you use the garage door opener ? " DUH ! They decided sitting in the car for 3 hours with nothing to do but my homework was punishment enough . 25 . This is a funny but true story . I worked at a plumbing company as a receptionist and just received a call that a " pumper van " was coming in for a quick repair before going out on an emergency call . When I had asked what the repair was that was needed , I was told that the van door was broke and asked to have the mechanic handy for when the truck pulled in . A little while later ; the van pulled in and I saw the mechanic go out to repair the door . About 20 minutes later , I heard a lot of noise and commotion outside ; and upon looking out the window - I could not help but laugh and call my coworkers over . How many mechanics and plumbers are necessary to repair a stuck van door at Spartan Plumbing Company ? 9 , one to hold the van door still , while there are 4 others ; pushing the van back and forth on each end ! 26 . I am a very clumsy person , and this is one of the many stupid things I have done . I had a cat that I was very protective of , and every time he would go outside I would worry about him . I always ended up chasing him down and bringing him in . Sometimes it would take hours to coax him in to the house . One day after about an hour and a half of chasing him , I decided to just go into the house and wait for him to come in on his own . About 15 minutes later I looked out the door and there he was sitting on the porch . I decided to sneak out and grab him . Right as I went to pick him up , he took off running . I was so intent on catching him that I didn 't notice when the porch ran out , and I fell three feet landing flat on my face . I ended up with a broken nose and two black eyes . 27 . One day I was preparing a meal and my 18 month old was being too " helpful . " I decided to give him a couple of plastic canisters and a spoon to use as a drum stick on the lids of the canisters . I set him on the living room carpet with his " drums " and was watching him as I cooked . Seeing how content he was , I sneaked off to the bathroom for just a minute . I returned to find that he had opened the canisters of flour and oatmeal and had mixed them together into the carpet ! I never thought he could get the lids off . Seeing him so innocent with oatmeal in his clothes and flour on his fuzzy head , I couldn 't stop laughing . - giggle , giggle , ha ha ! 28 . One time my mother and her twin sister and her two daughters went to a department store in a little town outside of where we live . My mother went into the store with dark glasses on and was pretending to be blind . To say the least us girls were really embarrassed . My mom was knocking things over and yelling at my aunt about the color and price of things . The sales lady in the store was walking around behind my mom picking things up off the floor while telling them it was ok . . My mom turned around and asked my aunt who said that my aunt said it was just the sales lady then my mom walked right up to her and ran her hands all over the woman 's face . Finally they decided it was time to go so my mom handed my aunt her wallet and she paid for the items that my mom happened not to break . We went outside to the car and my mom went around to the drivers side and got in the car . The looks on those peoples faces in the store is one you will never forget ! 29 . When I was still married my husband went to the basement to work on the broken hot water heater . After I while I thought I smelled something burning . I ran to the basement , threw open the door , and yelled " I think something is on fire ! " He said , " Shut up stupid it 's me . " He had lit a match to get a better look ! The gas water heater threw flames out and burned off all his facial hair . Guess I wasn 't the stupid one after all . 30 . This is not an excuse , but a really dorky thing I did . Any way . I wear earplugs at night because my husband snores often and I am a light sleeper . One night I had been most the way asleep and my husband decides that he is feeling frisky and we have some lovins . Problem is I forgot all about the the earplugs because I was still a little groggy . When it was over I asked if he was done and he didn 't answer so I repeated myself and he finally pulled out one of my earplugs and said " yes already and stop yelling " but we were both laughing so hard by then it to was to funny to be embarrassing . 31 . Funny Story . . . . . . . . . . and true . My sister - in - law was pregnant when she was 18 years old . Being that age she was still modest when she was in the delivery room with her Dr . and his young , cute assistant . They numbed her and she was pushing . After it was over she yells out , " what 's that smell ? " A nurse could hardly contain herself when she had to tell her she pooped all over the place ! 32 . I have an example of how you can 't fool your parents . My best friend and I were probably 16 or 17 and were at her house . Her mom was going out and we knew she wouldn 't be back until the following morning , so we had a party . We had lots of beer ( they had tabs on them then ) and lots of people over . Around 3am we were very drunk and couldn 't hardly walk but we knew we had to clean up before we could go to bed . So we crawled around on our hands and knees cleaning up every single beer tab , even checking under every pillow and couch cushion ! We even mopped up in the kitchen floor , took out the trash , and emptied all the ash trays . Thinking we did a fine job we went to bed . The next thing we know we hear this " whooshing " sound fly over our heads . It was her mom throwing the 6 pack of beer she found in the refrigerator across the room ! To this day we still can 't believe we did all that cleaning just to forget the fridge ! 33 . I was working as a waitress in a restaurant in university . I was only about 19 years old and I was serving a table of 3 women . Well , I went up to them and said in my chipper waitress voice , " Hi ! how are you doing today ? " One of the women turned to me and said , " Not too good . We just lost my nephew today . " In earnest , I looked at her in shock and dismay and said , " Oh my God ! Did you find him ? " She looked at me for a second , and very patiently and politely , holding back a grin , she told me that the boy had died that morning ! You can 't even imagine how bad I felt ! ! ! I apologized over and over again and bought their drinks but she kept saying it was okay and laughing at the same time . I figure that through my stupidity , I brought some joy to a woman 's sad day . 34 . One day , while out of town , my daughter and I decided to stop at McDonald 's to grab something quick for supper before heading home . She went into the restroom after we ordered . She was seeming to take a long time , so I went in there and feeling ornery , started making grunting noises . Then , I started making farting noises with my mouth and hand , all the time trying so very hard not to laugh . All of a sudden , another person came out of the stall beside her , and it was a McDonald 's employee ! ! I hadn 't looked under the stalls to see if anyone else was in there , so you can imagine my surprise ! ! ! ! I just looked at her horrified and made a funny face like , " Man , someone is really doing a job in there ! " and kind of laughed . She looked at me in the same manner . Then she walked out and my daughter came out of the stall and said while laughing hysterically , " Man , Mom , did you hear that lady next to me ? ! ? ! ? ? " We were laughing so hard , I couldn 't even tell her that it was ME making the sounds until we finally made it back to the car ! We still have a good laugh about this to this day ! ! ! ! 35 . The morning after drinking a little to much , I was driving my brothers bug home and my alcohol decided to come back up , fast . My mother would flip her lid if she found out about me getting drunk and my brother would disown me if he knew I drank to much ( or drank at all ) and barfed in HIS bug . So when I got home I said that the night before me and my friend had mixed milk , orange juice , marshmallows , and other miscellaneous food in a blender to make nasty drinks so we could dare each other and her sister to drink them . I said that it was so sick it made me puck the morning after . They believed me ! All I had to do was clean it all up really well . There was another time when I snuck out my window thinking I could get back in easily the way I always had , by stepping up on the small wood lining that went around the front of the house . Well , a lot of work had been done on my house , I hadn 't noticed that the wood lining was gone . So when I came back and was shocked by the fact that I was caught because I couldn 't get back in , I woke up my brother and asked him to let me in . Being the rat that he is , he had to go and tell my mom . So I calmly explained that I sat in my window because I couldn 't sleep and ended up falling asleep and loosing my balance and falling out . I thought it was a good excuse and stuck to it ! My mom didn 't quite believe me though . 36 . We were in German class and a boy called Jack was dozing off - the teacher asked him " So Jack , how is it on Mars " in German . Jack replied what he thought meant very hot but was actually very gay and there was an uproar from the class . Once the class was quite and back to work , the teacher interrupts and said " no Jack , we 're talking about Mars , not UrANUS ! 37 . A few years ago , my boyfriend came over to visit while both of my parents were at work . Well , one thing let to another , and we got a little bit too " friendly " one the couch . ( I was 17 at the time , he was 19 . ) Well , after a few minutes , we both heard a noise that we took to be the automatic garage door going up , meaning that one of my parents was home . He runs around the room , grabbing clothes and then rushes into the bathroom . I , in a state of utter panic , stand up , naked , and hold a blanket up in front of me . As if they wouldn 't notice I was naked behind it or something . Thank God that the sound we heard was actually the heater switching on , or I would have been so busted . 38 . True Story : Two Years ago my Mother Passed away and my brother and two sisters and father were at the funeral home making the arrangements . One of my sisters brought along her young seven year old daughter who sat fidgeting in a chair . The wriggling youth sat next to me and her father on the other side of her . She kept wiggling around in her chair and then she bent waaaay over in her chair and let out the loudest fart I have ever heard in my life . I glance over at my brother just in time to see his shoulders shaking as we both tried in vain to hold in our laughter . Then little Sherry says " Excuse Me " ; with a mad glare from my father , and then Sherry 's tearful " But I didn 't mean to " . And the the icing on the cake was my Brother - in - law 's Blasé " Leave it to Sherry " . Needless to say I had to leave the room where I escaped to the bathroom where I remained hysterically laughing until I could regain my composure . It 's funny how in the depths of despair their is humor to be found . 39 . We were eating at a restaurant with my husband 's family . There was 6 of us , seated in one of those big round booths . My nephew Caleb , who was 3 and almost fully potty - trained , suddenly had to use the bathroom . We were all eating , and no one really wanted to take him . He was sitting right in the middle of the booth , so no matter what , everyone would have to move to let him out . " Will you take him ? " " No , you take him . " " Why doesn 't he take them ? " " I don 't want to take him . " Finally , my husband Aaron asked , " Caleb , are you wearing a diaper ? " He was . " Just go , then , " Aaron joked . It was like a light bulb appeared above the child 's little head , and he sat there silently for a minute . Everyone was amused by this , and said nothing . When Caleb continued to sit there , motionless , my husband laughed , " Are you going ? " Caleb smiled very slowly . . . " yeah . . . " We all started cracking up over this , while his mom complained , through her laughter , about his potty - training being ruined . 40 . This is a funny thing that happened to me about a year ago . I was helping my mom in the yard and was walking back into the house . I then proceeded to step on the business end of a rake left on the ground and the rake handle came swinging straight up into my face . I swear , it was like something out of a cartoon . What made it worse is that my mom and little sister saw it and laughed for about five minutes over it . 41 . I had managed to slip away from work one morning while running an errand . I stopped at my apartment to see my wife for a few minutes . Well one thing led to another , and we ended up making love for the better part of an hour . As we were lying there naked and still sweating and panting I heard a noise . I jumped out of bed and ran to our bedroom door , I looked down the stairs that lead to our front door , and there stood a rather embarrassed UPS man . He thought it was the kind of apartment where you go in through a main door to a second door to the residence . I threw on some cloths and signed for the package . My wife and I laughed for42 . I play tuba . One day , back when I was in college , I was walking from one building to another between classes . The buildings were fairly close together , with a concrete stairway between them , and it would sometimes get really windy . That day was one of those windy days , and I was carrying my tuba . A gust of wind hit the bell of my horn as if it were a sail and blew me - and the tuba - down the concrete steps . I landed badly , and couldn 't get up , so I had to wait for someone to come along to help me . When he got done laughing , he contacted campus security . Two officers came , radioed for a couple more officers , and they laughed all the way to the campus infirmary . The nurse at the infirmary couldn 't keep a straight face as she told me I 'd have to be taken to the hospital for x - rays . A security officer took me over , where the desk nurses , ER nurses , and radiology technicians also had a good laugh . Naturally , I missed class and was late for work . . . by this time , I knew exactly what to expect when I called my professor and my boss - they both laughed like hell . Thankfully , I just had a bad sprain . 43 . This is a true story , but I have to admit I myself would not have believed it if it didn 't happen to me . . . I was in a hurry to get to a 9 - o ' clock meeting in the office , but unfortunately was driving an old car that had a tendency to choke up and die on me every once in a while . It took me about 30 minutes to restart the engine whenever it turned itself off . That day I got to the parking lot just a tiny bit too late ( as usual ) , and in my hurry decided to try and get into a very tight parking spot instead of looking for another one . I did manage to get in , leaving less than an inch between my car and the car parked on each side , when , of course , the engine died . . . and wouldn 't start up again . There was no way I could open any of the car doors , and there was nothing much to do but sit there , locked in the car , knowing everyone at the meeting I was supposed to lead wondering what happened to me , feeling absolutely ridiculous . Only 15 minutes later someone walked by and I had a brilliant idea : I yelled out to him to come over , threw out the car keys , and asked him to unlock the back baggage compartment door , through which I finally managed to climb out . . . I was laughing so hard when I finally made it to the meeting , that the other attendees forgot all their anger . Incidentally , I sold that car a few months later . 44 . One day I went over to my friends house and my friend was going to go out on a date . Her mother asked me to stay so I could help her frost her hair . I said , " I 've never done that before . " She said , " don 't worry , it 's simple , you just put this cap on my head , ( cap had little holes in it ) take this tool ( looked like a crochet needle ) and pull out strands of hair every few holes . So I did this and when all the hair to be bleached was pulled out she said , " Great ! " She bleached the hair and about an hour later she had removed all the garb , dried her hair and was primping in front of the mirror . She said " oh ! It looks so good ! " And it did , but then she turned back around to go into the bathroom and admire herself in the mirror , as she did I notice the back of her head looked like a dice with exactly five dots on it . Needless to say the next time I saw her all her hair was cut off . 45 . A couple I know decided it was time to redecorate their bedroom and stripped their old wallpaper off the walls , getting their 4 - year - old son to help them . When this was done , they prepared the walls and put up some nice , new , modern wallpaper and the room looked much better - - until the next day , when the mother caught her son in the room , " helping " his parents by carefully ripping off the new wallpaper from the walls . . . . 46 . I grabbed a slip out of the dryer hurrying to get ready for work . Finished dressing and shot out the door . Upon arriving at the patients home , I found he had fallen . As I was unable to lift him , I ran for a neighbor . We got the patient safely in a chair . A few minutes later , the neighbor was at the door and handed me something pink . I unfolded it only to discover to my horror , a pair of my panties . He smiled and turned away when I said , " my Grandma said " You never know if you 'll be in an accident . Always have clean underwear ! " 47 . This isn 't an excuse , it 's a particularly funny story ! ! Well , once my friend and I were walking home from school after a long hard week , talking merrily amongst ourselves . We started noticing people giving us peculiar looks on the way home , but thought nothing of it , as you do . Bad mistake thought . It was only when we got home that my friend realized her skirt was tucked into her jacket and had been like that all the way home ! ! No wonder all those people were laughing at us ! ! And of course she blamed me for not telling her , but the truth is I didn 't know ! ! Honest . . . 48 . When I was about 6 or 7 yrs old , I went to see Sesame Street Live . I was all dressed up , wearing slip on shoes . I was short , so my feet didn 't touch the ground and I was swinging my feet back and forth . My shoe flew off , onto the stage , while big bird was roller skating . He tripped on my shoe and fell . 49 . My husband and I have a goldfish pond in the back yard . The pond was getting very green looking and dirty . Couple days later I couldn 't stand looking at it any more , so I decided to take some bleach ( the kind you use for clothes ) and put some in the pond , well let me tell you after a few seconds later those fish came jumping out of the water and they all died . 50 . I went to this one swimming party and there was one of my friends with me . He whispered in my ear that he had a really big fart stored up and he was going to go fart on this one guy that everybody hated while in the pool . He went over there and started to let er go when he saw everybody screaming and running out of the pool . Needless to say , he covered the guy with diarrhea ! 51 . This is a true story ! When I was pregnant with my first child , the doctor put me on bed rest for the last 2 weeks of my pregnancy . I was so big that I just decided not to shave my legs . So when I went into labor , I didn 't even think about it . When I was in the labor room and the nurse was checking me , my mother was in there . I had been in labor about 20 hours and felt horrible . My mother looked at this nurse and said " You 'll have to excuse her , she 's hairy just like her father ! ! " 52 . Well this isn 't an excuse but rather a funny story I heard on the radio sometime ago in England . It seems it was the 18th birthday of the ex girlfriend of the guy that called in . Her parents were planning to go out and leave her and her boyfriend in the house . The parents said they had left a bottle of wine ( 18 being the legal drinking age in England ) and some food in the kitchen . Well they opened the wine and drank most of it . Being slightly drunk one thing led to another and both ended up naked and hungry . She hoped on his back and he carried her towards the kitchen , her breasts over his shoulders . As they opened the kitchen door they heard " SURPRISE ! ! " all her family and neighbors were in the kitchen for a surprise party ! She just ran upstairs and didn 't come back down again . He finished by saying " I didn 't see much of her after that " . 53 . In first grade , I was in the middle of a math test . Almost 30 kids were in the room including me . Everything was as quiet as it could be . All of a sudden , I farted really big ! I mean , you could almost hear it through the windows . Everybody laughed like heck ! The teacher just went " ohh . " Talk about total humiliation . 54 . A young manager of a convenience store was having a problem with a rough looking group of loiters outside . I suggested he do what one seasoned manager I worked for finally did to drive some loiters away . He sent me outside with a broom , a mop and a bucket full of the most awful smelling chemical solution of bleach and who knows what else and asked me to clean the pavement near the loiters were . Within minutes without a word they were gone . Their excuse : " This places stinks , let 's go some place else . " 55 . The most embarrassing moment of my life was when I was about 15 , it was a very wet day and I was walking up my street towards the bus - stop to get to school , I had walked this way many times before , having no problems at all . Waiting at the stop was this girl I have fancied for AGES , I casually started to walk towards her , when my foot slipped on the curb . I went flying on the floor , and because of the surprise of it all I let out a huge fart right in front of her ! ! I was completely embarrassed and went bright red . Everyone there just began laughing and clapping at me ! From then on I have always been given the nickname ' Kirby ' from my friends , and to my shock , even the girl calls me it ! ! That was definitely the most embarrassing moment of my life ! 56 . I was 27 and coming out of a very bad marriage . My best friends decided to " set up " a blind date for me . I 've never been in favor of blind dates but was feeling particularly blue since my birthday was coming up and I had no one to share it with , so I agreed . I received a telephone call from my date on a Wednesday evening . He sounded too good to be true and we talked for over an hour . He told me that since it would be my birthday that I should pick out what we would do for the evening . I was more than willing to do this and said that dinner and a movie would be terrific . He agreed and we arranged for him to pick me up on Saturday evening . Right on time Saturday there was a knock on my door . I opened it and found a beautiful Golden Retriever sitting on my doorstep , attached to my date , who really was blind . My friends had not told me and neither had he . I had planned for us to see a romantic chick flick , imagine how embarrassed I was when the first thing out of my mouth was , " Oh you must be my BLIND date ? " " Obviously ! " he replied with good humor . We are still friends to this day and still laugh about our first meeting . 57 . This isn 't an excuse , just a funny and absolutely true tale demonstrating my bad luck . I had just turned 16 and bought my first car , a bright yellow 1981 Datsun 210 . Well , the first day I had it on a school day , I decided to celebrate by skipping school . Needless to say , I got caught , as I always did . My mother was driving by the high school and DID NOT see my bright yellow car in the parking lot , so immediately knew I was playing hokey . I was hanging out with my boyfriend 's brother at an apartment not too far from home , but my parents had never been here and didn 't know where it was because I had just started going out with the boyfriend . Nevertheless , my mother showed up at the door of the apartment and asked my boyfriend 's brother if I was there , while I hid behind the couch . I told him to lie and he did , even though my mother told him she thought it was weird that I wasn 't there because my CAR was . When she left , I knew the jig was up and decided to flee . To where , I don 't know , I was eventually going to have to come home , but my brain wasn 't functioning on that level . I made my boyfriend 's brother come with me , I guess so that my parents wouldn 't unleash their full wrath because someone else was there . Anyway , I was driving down one of the main streets and I look in the rearview mirror and my DAD is right behind me looking about ready to kill me ! I was shocked because my dad worked 45 minutes away from home and must have been specifically called by my mother . I don 't know WHAT I was thinking , because I just sped up as if I was going to outrun him or something . It was straight out of a COPS episode . Finally , I just turned around and went home , because where was I going to go ? My dad was right behind me the entire time and we got home and told my boyfriend 's brother he would drive him home ( since I certainly wasn 't going anywhere ! ) . He declined saying he would walk and RAN away . I was in SO much trouble and my parents even took me to the dean 's office in the middle of the school day , which completed my hum59 . I was already in my PJs when I realized we were out of eggs for breakfast on Christmas Eve . We had a lot of people showing up at 8 am for breakfast . So I drove my 14 yr old daughter to the store and waited in the mini van while she ran in for the missing items . I told her to hurry as I didn 't want anyone to see me driving around in my PJs . I was circling the parking lot waiting for her to come out . I was coming back up the lane when I saw her come out of the store and get into a mini van of the same color right in front of the store . I had jump out ( in my PJs ) and yell to get her attention . I 'm not sure who was more embarrassed , me for having to get out of the van in my PJs or her for getting in the wrong van . 60 . While vacationing in Jamaica , at the Fiesta Americana Hotel , I was swimming in the pool and as I went to get out , instead of using the steps I decided to pull myself up from the side . As I did my trunks slid all the way to my knees and I mooned everyone on the other side of the pool . I quickly jumped back in and pulled up my shorts . When I looked over to see if anyone had seen this , there was an older lady laying with the biggest smile I had ever seen . I didn 't use the pool the rest of our vacation . 61 . This is a funny story that my friend told me . When she was little , she was visiting the zoo with her family . She was in the section with the lions when the lion in the cage turned and peed on a 16 - 17 year old girl . The girl was drenched head to toe with the lion 's pee . It was funny . - Sparky 62 . I live in Australia and this comes from when I was in Year 7 . I had a Science project on space and a boy was given the topic of aliens , he was supposed to make a model of a space craft an alien would use but he failed to do so an when it was due he was in deep shit one of the other boys had the topic of Saturn ( For those of u that don 't know Saturn has rings and if you use your imagination looks vaguely like a UFO ) The boy who had the topic of aliens saw this and had an Idea . When the teacher reached him he yelled He stole my model and pointed at the boy with the model of Saturn the teacher laughed at this and forgot to mark him as not doing all of his project and accidentally gave him full marks for the model ! ! ! ! ( This is true ! ) 63 . This is a true story : My husband 's friend , Rick wanted me to order some parts for the classic car that he was restoring . The catalog clearly stated it 's payment options : COD , Master Card , Visa . So after Rick decided on the parts he needed he asked if they would take his Discover card because he didn 't know what the hell the COD Card was . My husband asked Rick where he was from - West Virginia ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? This may be one of those jokes where you had to be there but it sure was funny at the time . 64 . I had a vicious bout of hay fever this past summer . My mother and I went to Wal - Mart to buy some anti - histamine . While waiting in line , I sneezed . But it was not just a normal sneeze . It was a " double - barreled sneeze . " That 's when you sneeze and fart at the same time . Everyone heard . . . you know how good the acoustics are in large department stores ! And there I was , right in the front of the store , with no place to hide . I was so embarrassed ! Reprinted with permission from : The Most Embarrassing Moment of my Life http : / / www . mostembarrassingmoment . com 65 . I was at Six Flags with my boyfriend last year . We were waiting in a very long line for the Superman roller coaster . When we were almost to the front of the line , I realized that I had to poop . Since I didn 't want to lose our place in the line , I decided to wait until after the ride . We got on the ride and all went well until I had to pass some gas . Well , it wasn 't gas . Yes , you guessed it . . . I crapped my pants ! To make matters worse , my boyfriend had to ride in the car with me for the way back . All the way home he kept on saying that he smelt poop . I lied and said I stepped in dog poop . Luckily he believed me ! I almost died ! ! ! Reprinted with permission from : The Most Embarrassing Moment of my Life http : / / www . mostembarrassingmoment . com 66 . I work at a local gas station in my town . I 'm usually alone on the job , so whenever customers don 't come in I get to do other things like stocking shelves and cleaning . One night , when it was really slow , I decided to go over to the shelves and fill cups . While I was standing there , I had to pass gas . Being all by myself in the empty store , I felt at ease . . . and it came out kinda loud . I turned around and stared right at a customer . She had walked in moments ago . And she had heard me fart ! My face turned bright red and all I could ask was " Can I help you ? " That was definitely traumatic . Reprinted with permission from : The Most Embarrassing Moment of my Life http : / / www . mostembarrassingmoment . com 67 . I was in 8th grade and our gym class was co - ed . I was never very popular , being an overweight girl with acne . ( Thank God things change ! ) But it was a required class , so there I was . We were all lined up in rows , laying on the floor doing sit - ups . Well , as I said , I was overweight and it was not easy doing sit - ups ! I guess I strained a bit and all of a sudden , you guessed it . . . I farted very loudly . Noises echo in a big , old gymnasium . . . even the laughter . Reprinted with permission from : The Most Embarrassing Moment of my Life http : / / www . mostembarrassingmoment . com 68 . I used to carry around a container of mace in my pocket book . Just to be safe , you know ? I never used it , so one day when I was cleaning out my pocket book , I just threw the mace in my underwear drawer . Later that day I took a shower and grabbed a fresh pair of panties . Boy , what a shock ! There had to have been a slow leak in the mace container , because I started to burn and swell " down there . " I put ice between my legs so I wouldn 't blister , and then I called the hospital . They told me to call the poison control center . I had the phone in one hand , and the ice in the other . It was horrible ! Now I know what that nuclear meltdown at Three Mile Island must have been like , because I was on fire and my ice was melting fast ! The guys from poison control were on their knees , laughing . And so was I , despite the pain . Now I 'm known as " Hot Pants - The Hottest Pants in Crestview , Florida . " Reprinted with permission from : The Most Embarrassing Moment of my Life http : / / www . mostembarrassingmoment . com 69 . The most embarrassing moment of my life happened to me when I was in the eighth grade . I was in science class , listening to my teacher give a pretty boring lecture . I 'm a girl . The guy sitting next to me was making fun of the shirt I was wearing that day . He just kept on and on , until I finally got up and moved to the front of the class . I had eaten pizza for lunch , so my stomach had been churning all day . I knew that I had to pass gas , but I didn 't want to add that to the list of reasons why my fellow classmates could make fun of me , so I held it in . When the class was almost over , I suddenly had to sneeze , and the fart I had been holding in for so long came out at the same time , sounding like a trumpet tuning up . I sat there with a red face , totally humiliated , while the rest of the class almost died laughing . To make matters worse , my fart was so stinky , my teacher had to hold her nose to finish her lecture . For the remainder of the year I was known as the " fart gun . " Reprinted with permission from : The Most Embarrassing Moment of my Life http : / / www . mostembarrassingmoment . com 70 . My three - year - old son , Matt , had a lot of problems with potty training . One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands . It was very busy , with a full dining room . While enjoying my taco , I smelled something funny , so of course I checked my seven - month - old daughter , and she was clean . Then I realized that Matt had not asked to go potty in a while , so I asked him , and he said " No . " I kept thinking , oh Lord , that child has had an accident and I didn 't have any clothes with me . I asked again , " Matt , are you sure you did not have an accident ? " " No , " he replied . I just knew that he must have , cause the smell was getting worse . So , I asked one more time , " Matt , did you have an accident ? " This time , with a little smirk on his face , he jumped up , yanked down his pants , bent over and spread his cheeks and yelle71 . Well when I was 17 , I went to this party which turned out pretty good and everyone got drunk as hell . Well at the end none of could be bothered going home and decided to sleep over the night ! Well I needed to go for a pee and as I was just in my boxers I couldn 't be bothered pulling my boxers down so I just opened the button and I forgot about doing it back up so when I got back the group that were talking while trying to fall asleep everyone saw my " one eye trouser snake " , I was so embarrassed but all turned out well that night because when the lights turned out Amy Stevenson had jumped in my bed and the rest you can imagine ! ! The guys try to hassle me about that , but it just reminds me off her ! ! : ) 72 . One day we were watching a video about how India was taken over by Britain and how the people were forced into labor . The guy in the video was saying how he got paid 25 rubies per month . I thought he said he was paid 25 cookies per month . I started to laugh even during the part where the video said that people died during the labor . No one could understand what I was laughing at and they kept on giving me strange looks . 73 . We were about to have a biology test and nobody was in the mood to take it . Some people were saying they were confused , weren 't here the day before . Then out of nowhere one girl says " Yesterday I got a concussion and lost some of my memory and now I can 't remember what we learned ! " She was dead serious . 74 . Imagine the most accident - prone person in your life that you have ever known . Double it , and you have my grandma . She had a bag case of diarrhea that just creeps up on you and bites you in the butt . ( literally . . . . haha ) She ran for the bathroom ( she was in the Library - - of all places ) , but didn 't even make it to the stall . It ran all down her leg , filled her shoe , and went all over the floor . She had to throw her " undies " in the trash , and run out the door , before anyone discovered the mess . Lets just say , it was a little breezy the whole walk home ! 75 . One day my sister and I were at Kmart doing some shopping when she needed to use the bathroom . She went in to use the toilet and like most people she doesn 't sit on the seat until she covers it with toilet paper . I was looking at the clothes when she walked up to me and we continued to browse , while browsing some kind lady walks up to my sister from behind and informs her that she has a very long strand of toilet paper hanging out of her pants . My sister , totally embarrassed reaches around pulls the toilet paper out of her pants and goes , I was just saving it for later , the lady gives her a funny look and walks away and I 'm laughing , really hard and then she smacks me on the arm and goes , you could have told me , no you leave it up to a stranger . I honestly didn 't see the toilet paper , she walked up to me . I then had to use the bathroom myself from laughing so hard . 76 . This happened a few years ago at my birthday party . All my friends were over and we decided to play Hide and Go Seek at night . We were going in and out of the house a lot . I exited the house through the patio door which had a glass door and a screen door . When I left , the glass door was open , and I shut the screen door behind me . I circled the house , and went back inside through the patio door . What I didn 't know , was that while I was outside , my mother had shut the glass door . I whipped open the screen and tried to go in , only to be stopped by the glass . Only my mother saw this , but she had to go and tell everyone about it . She told them when we were done playing , and by that time I had forgotten about the whole thing . I walk in to see all my friends laughing their heads off . I asked them what was so funny , I honestly couldn 't remember . One of my friends walked up to me , smacked me on the forehead , and said , " Does this ring a bell , Punky ? " They still bug me about it four years later . 77 . I recently accompanied my partner to a walk - in clinic . She had an extremely painful cyst on an extremely " private area . " We were sitting in the waiting area , Reprinted with permission from : The Most Embarrassing Moment of my Life http : / / www . mostembarrassingmoment . com 78 . My most embarrassing moment happened several years ago . I was in the Navy and was living in a barrack with a bunch of other soldiers . It was a Sunday and visitors were allowed in the rooms . I actually had forgotten what day it was and had gone to take a shower naked , caring my towel around my neck . I took my shower and stepped out of the shower room and . . . suddenly there were women all over the place ! Moms , dads , girlfriends you name it - and they were there . I thought to myself if I put the towel over my head and ran down the hall to my room no one would be able to recognize me , so I did . Later I was in the lounge , watching TV , when suddenly this beautiful young lady and her boyfriend , came up to me . Imagine how I felt when they said " Hi Red , what 's up ? " Reprinted with permission from : The Most Embarrassing Moment of my Life http : / / www . mostembarrassingmoment . com 79 . We were on holiday with our friends in Canada , at a summer tennis tournament . My sister , my friend and I were over on the swings . There was also a trapeze bar . My sister decided to show off , but this turned out to be a bad idea . As she did a flip over the trapeze ( like a summersault ) she let out this huge loud fart ! To make it worse , it just kept on going as she went around the trapeze . She was so embarrassed , but my friend and I were killing ourselves laughing . Then this little girl who was on the swings next to us said : " Eeew , that 's gross ! " and ran away ! My sister has never been so embarrassed in all her life ! Reprinted with permission from : The Most Embarrassing Moment of my Life http : / / www . mostembarrassingmoment . com 80 . The Play : I had the lead part in my high school play in my Senior year . The roll called for me to play a young girl who had been kidnapped . The opening night finally arrived and my parents were ready in the audience with the video camera . The school gym was jam packed with parents , students and faculty and everyone in the play was really jazzed . The play was going along fine until the 3rd act . The script called for me to peak my head behind a couple of paper curtains and make a big show of looking around . Then I was supposed to declare in a really loud voice that I didn 't see anything back there . My scene came along and I head back to the curtains , pull them apart and stick my head in . All I saw was a line of naked butts . Five of the guys in my class had decided that wouldn 't it be super funny to moon me during that scene . I was SO shocked to see that unexpected sight I just stood there . For a really , really long time . The audience was really quiet and I could hear the drama coach hissing my line at me . But I just stood there trying to stop from laughing so hard . Finally I turned around and said in a REALLY loud voice that there was definitely nothing of interest back there . I wanted to kill those five guys ! When the play was over , everyone I knew asked me why I had frozen on the stage and no one would believe me when I explained . I was mortified because everyone still thinks I was making that up . Reprinted with permission from : The Most Embarrassing Moment of my Life http : / / www . mostembarrassingmoment . com 81 . Wrong Bed : My moment of shame occurred when my wife and I joined her parents for a weekend at their holiday home on the coast . It had been a blazing hot day and I had just finished a twelve hour shift . All I wanted to do , was to enjoy an icy cold beer , then retire to bed for some much needed shut eye . After a long drive we finally reached our destination . My in - laws were most glad to see us , and 83 . I am a nurse . One night everyone on my shift ( nights ) went out to dinner before work . . . to a Mexican restaurant . It was about 2 : 00 AM when it hit me . The worst case of flatulence I have ever had in my life ! Not wanting to embarrass myself in front of my colleagues , I proceeded very quickly to the end of the hall to an empty room . Once in , I closed the door and farted like I never have before or since . When I opened the door to leave I heard a male voice ask " nurse , you mind opening a window before you leave ? " One of the ER doctors had ducked into the room for a nap ! Reprinted with permission from : The Most Embarrassing Moment of my Life http : / / www . mostembarrassingmoment . com 84 . This story happened to a friend of our families and we have laughed about it many , many , times over the years . Since the person it happened to would literally die if she knew I was doing this , I am changing her name to Sue . She had never water skied and my dad was trying to teach her how . I 'd guess that there were about 8 attempts where she was dragged in the water , then lost hold of the rope without ever coming up on top of the water . Finally , when she did get on top of the water she was too scared to stand up . So , she rode for about 3 or 4 minutes squatting on the skies before she fell back into the water . She didn 't want to try again so she got into the boat . As soon as she got in the boat she told my dad she needed to go to the bathroom . Dad told her it was a good ways to get where there was a bathroom and suggested she get back in the water and go . She blushed and said that she had to poop . So , dad told her OK and that he would head to the nearest dock . He then proceeded to pull in the ski rope . Before he got the rope in , Sue just completely lost all control and pooped all over the boat . Evidentially , while she was being pulled squatting across the lake , she was getting a very effective enema . Our family has dubbed her the SUPER POOPER ! Yesterday , I had all of my family over for a cook out and we got to talking about the large number of people my dad has taught to water - ski over the years and all I had to say was , " and then there was Sue ! " and we all cracked up . She would kill us all if she know that we are still laughing after all this time . Reprinted with permission from : The Most Embarrassing Moment of my Life http : / / www . mostembarrassingmoment . com 85 . One time , my friends and I went on a field trip for school . We were walking around in the parking lot of a Burger King , when all of a sudden , I turned around to see my friend fall backwards . I saw something fly up . The teachers rushed to him , and he had to go to the hospital and get stitches . Later , we found out he had slipped on a banana peel that was smothered in tar . I still chuckle about it . 86 . This is a true story . I lived in the back of a mobile home park and across the street there was some broken concrete . One day I found a small chunk of concrete in my yard ( I guess one of the kids had brought it over ) so I thought I 'd just tossed it back across the street . Unfortunately , I had forgotten why I was always the last one to be picked for a game of baseball when I was a kid - my aim was terrible ! I released the concrete too late ( I was throwing underhand ) and instead of it going out across the street , it went almost straight up into the air and hit a tree limb . That was embarrassing enough , but have you ever had that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach when you realize something bad is about to happen and you can 't do anything about it ? Well , as the concrete was on its way back down , after bouncing off the tree limb , I realized where it was headed - right smack into the middle of the driver 's side of my car windshield . The worst part was when I had to explain to my insurance company how the glass got broke . Needless to say , from then on I carried any concrete chunks I found back across the street . 87 . I don 't know what category this belongs in , but it happened to me when I was performing with a circus one season . I 've been in show business for over 40 years , films , TV , stage , radio , records , rodeos , and circuses . Since I was ( many years ago ! ) a singing cowboy star , I would tour with my white stallion & my fancy cowboy costumes , six guns , and big white Stetson . I would ride out into the main ring , rear the horse up and wave my hat to the crowd . Well , on this fateful day , the big top was packed to standing room only , I did my thing , but this time for some unknown reason , I slid off the saddle like it was greased , and fell flat on my butt . Well , I got up , got back on my horse ( he was looking at me like " What the hell is wrong with you ? " ) , looked at the crowd in dead silence , then said , " You know , folks , someday I 'm gonna find an easier way to get off this damned horse ! " The crowd roared and it was the hit of the show . 88 . In my history class , this teacher always played jokes on everyone except me throughout the entire school year . One day , I finally came up with the idea of putting white , clear , cake gel on his bald head . When the opportunity came , it was on a day that he was letting two girls from our class teach the class . The true teacher was acting like a student , spitting gum at the front of the room , turning out the lights , etc . When I was going to put the gel in his hair , I walked out of my seat while he was sitting down . Then I went back when he got up out of the seat . He then got out of the seat , acting like a student , wanting to fight me . Then , I put the gel in his hair , resulting in the biggest laugh you 'll ever hear inside a high - school classroom . Some of the teachers in the surrounding - walled - rooms complained about the laughing . 89 . During one of my music classes in grade 5 , I was sitting on the floor next to the cutest girl when I let out the biggest , loudest , deadliest fart . It was the most humiliating thing ever . Everyone laughed at me for like 10 minutes . People still don 't let me forget about it . 90 . This is true : right know I work on fishing boats and a couple of days ago we landed in port and I was supposed to go to the company house right then to fax in my paperwork . Instead I hung out for 2 hours and told the office that we had picked up a deckhand off of another boat who had jumped overboard the night before because the skipper and other deckhand were sexually harassing him . When we got to port the police were waiting for him and there will likely be a huge inquest with me and my boat as witnesses ! ! ! 91 . I am 19 now , but like two years ago when I was 17 I got my tongue pierced . One night me and my boyfriend of two months ( he also had his tongue pierced ) started making out in the back seat of one of our friend 's car . We started kissing and feeling each other up , when all of a sudden I went to pull away and our tongues were stuck ! Somehow our tongue rings had twisted around each other and we couldn 't get them unstuck . We tried everything to get untangled , but nothing worked . We had to get our friends to drive us to the ER so that the doctors could fix the problem . We are still together and we laugh about it every time that we start to make out . It is funny now , but then , it was a nightmare ! Reprinted with permission from : The Most Embarrassing Moment of my Life http : / / www . mostembarrassingmoment . com 92 . On a last minute decision to go camping , my now husband and I threw a bunch of stuff in the back of my truck that had a cab on it . Arriving after dark and tired , we decided to skip the tent and took some black plastic garbage bags and stuck them to the windows for privacy figuring the static would hold them up and promptly fell asleep . Around 5 : 30 AM the next morning we began to make love . After a few minutes we heard outside one of the smaller windows facing a stream , " Go get Mom and a bucket of water ! These people are stuck like the dog ! " from a rather young voice . The plastic had dropped from one of the windows ! Even after an hour I was still so embarrassed I wouldn 't come out of the truck but my wonderful & witty husband got out in his hiking shorts , stretched & scratched his ribs then said rather loud , " Nature ! Brings out the beast in me every time ! " . I poked my head out to see parents with lots of smiles & smirks - then someone yelled , " Why do you think we kicked the kids out so early ? " . Everyone but the kids in the campsite were laughing pretty hard . 93 . Here is the funny thing my friend said when we were driving to one of the games . It was dark and he thought he spotted someone cute in the other car , when we pulled up he said . . . " Wait , You 're not hot . You 're a guy ! " 94 . I was having a party & All of my friends & I were hanging out in the kitchen . I was sitting on the counter & kicking the cabinets below me . The cabinets had little knobs on them ( you know , to open them with ) & when I tried to jump off of the counter , my pants got stuck on the knobs . I fell & hit my head on the table that was right in front of me and then ended up on my face on the linoleum floor . Yes it hurt . But not only did I hurt myself but I also ripped the cabinet door in half . 95 . My Brother - in - law wanted to add access to his attic from his garage . After much consideration , he started cutting a hole into the ceiling and was rather surprised when he found a floor on the other side that was actually carpeted ( cool ! he thought ) . The kicker ? . His wife coming out to tell him his little three year old daughter had come running downstairs screaming there was a monster coming through the floor out from under her bed ! He had cut a hole through the second floor and into her room ! ! ! 96 . My ex - husband and I were going down HWY 41 in Florida , when all of a sudden my husband fell out of the car ! The worst part was he was driving ! It was a hot summer day so he had his window rolled down , elbow resting on the edge . The car began to swerve , I looked over to see him hanging onto the door , because he was a tall gent , his feet were still inside the car . So there he is flapping in the breeze . I asked , " What are you doing ? " He said : " I fell out " meantime I 'm steering the car . " Well , get back in . " I yelled . He replied : " I can 't ! " Down HWY 41 we kept going . So I steered the car until we reached the next intersection , hung a right hand turn , pulled us safely into a parking lot . The look on peoples faces as we drove past with this guy hanging out the drivers side . I wasn 't sure what kind of look to return back at them . After the car came to a complete stop , my ex climbed back in , he said he could feel the road passing right under his butt ! We just looked at each other and laughed so hard our sides hurt . Well , even after 15 years I still bust out laughing every time I think about it . Reprinted with permission from : The Most Embarrassing Moment of my Life http : / / www . mostembarrassingmoment . com 97 . A funny story , I 'm a career firefighter and on this day was driving the pumper . As soon as we responded for a house on fire , my Sgt . asked me to drive smooth because he had to poop . I did my best but forgot about a huge bump in the middle of the intersection that I hit about 40 mph . Of course the Sgt . messed his pants . We quickly stopped at the McDonalds , he ran into the bathroom and threw his underwear away and came back to the fire truck . We continued responding to the house on fire which was the real thing . 98 . I was about eleven yrs old back in ' 56 . Our house had only wood stoves . I was getting a bunch of small , finely split wood for starting a fire when the Pastor drove up . I said hi and he went in the house to talk with my mother and dad . A few minutes later , I came in with a load of wood . ' Here are your star farters Mom ' . For a few seconds the silence was noticeable , then Mom asked , " What did you say ? " And I started to repeat it . I said " here are your star . . . far . . . oops here are your fire starters Mom . " This really happened ! ! I didn 't get in any real trouble , and we all had a good laugh . 99 . I was carrying a full load at college and driving part time for the delivery company that delivers the morning Newspaper . Being one of the later routes and being part way thru the route , it is not uncommon for the ' early birds ' , the early kids to be on this one station . In fact , the last couple days someone had been there . One Saturday morning , I was especially tired and came driving into the station and didn 't notice that there was a body there . The routes were almost all boy carriers . The truck was a stake bed truck and I unlatched the side gate , stepped up on the bottom of the tire with my right foot and started to step on the top when this very sweet , sexy voice says " are you going to be here tomorrow ? " . I missed the tire and almost killed myself . She was gorgeous , a beautiful college age young lady . Wha100 . This happened a while back when we still had a roommate . We were all getting ready to watch a movie and our roommate had just finished heating up her dinner in a pot on the stove . We all sat down to watch the movie and half way through the previews we smelled something strange . Everyone must have noticed it at the same time because we all looked at our roommate as she was picking up the still very hot pot to eat and we all looked in horror at the circle of melting carpet ! She had put the hot pot down and neglected to put some kind of potholder down to protect the floor from the heat of the pot ! Now we have this huge circle where the heat affected the carpet . We have to cover it up now with ANOTHER carpet and this will be funny explaining to our landlady when we move out ! |
Caution : This Sex Story contains strong sexual content , including Ma / Fa , Fa / Fa , Romantic , Heterosexual , Fiction , Wife Watching , Group Sex , Oral Sex , Exhibitionism , Desc : Sex Story : Chapter 1 - A man 's best friend tries to save Dave 's marriage from breaking up . It doesn 't turn out as expected . But it turns out well . My wife and I were fighting again . It seems like that 's the only way we communicate now . Nothing I do pleases her . She criticizes and second guesses everything I do . We 've only been married for three years . I love her more than anything in the world . But I can 't take much more of this . I can 't see our marriage lasting much longer if something doesn 't change . Jim , my best friend , isn 't much help . He keeps insisting that our problems are my fault . I normally defer to him in matters relating to the opposite sex . Jim and I have been friends since the first grade . He 's a very good looking guy . If you don 't believe me , ask nearly half the women in town . They haven 't all been to bed with him . But a lot of them have and a lot more of them would probably like to . Jim has the personality to go with his looks . He was always the most popular kid in school . That he and I ended up best friends was probably more an accident of geography and timing than anything else . His family moved into the house across the street from us just before we started the first grade . Jim , his sister and me were the only kids on the street in our age group , so we grew up together . I 'm an only child . Jim has a twin sister , Ashley . From time to time as we were growing up I had a crush on Ashley . But I don 't think she ever realized it . I always thought that one of the reasons that Jim was so cool around girls was his sister . I was always shy around girls . Hell , I was afraid of them . I guess , in many ways I still am . Not Jim . He was lucky enough to have a close relationship with his sister . To him , girls are just people . He understands them . Or at least he understands them as well as any man can understand a member of the opposite sex . I 'm twenty - four years old now and I 've been married for three years . Women are still a mystery to me . Every time I complain about the way that my wife Lea is treating me , Jim just frowns and shakes his head . But he 's not doing so in commiseration with me . He 's just indicating that in his opinion I 'm too dumb to live . Jim keeps insisting that Lea really loves me . He claims that our problems are my fault because I 'm trying to treat her like an equal partner in our relationship . According to him , Lea is one of those women who want a strong man to take charge . He says that she doesn 't even realize that she 's pushing me , trying to make me take control . She 's doing it subconsciously . He also insists that she isn 't looking for a parent , just a strong partner , a dominant partner . That 's what she needs to feel safe , protected , loved . I suppose that there are women like that . Despite what Jim says I don 't believe that Lea is one of them . She 's a strong , self sufficient , intelligent young woman . I think I know her better than Jim does and I don 't believe she 's the kind of woman that Jim thinks she is . Our latest fight broke out after work this evening . I got home and no more than stepped through the front door than she was on the attack again . About nothing ! I was about that close to doing something I 've never done in my life , hitting a woman . Well , I 'd never hit her . But I damn sure wanted to ! My first instinct was to head to a nearby sports bar and drink myself stupid . Instead , I drove over to Jim 's house . I parked in the driveway and by the time I got to his front door he was standing there holding the door open and grinning . He came back in , handed me a beer and sat down across from me . I took a long drink out of the beer bottle and then said in exasperation , " I don 't know what to do Jim . I just walked in the house and she lit into me ! " He shook his head and sighed loudly . Then he exclaimed , " Bullshit ! I 've told you what to do . You refuse to listen , you thick headed bastard ! All you have to do is take charge . That 's what she needs . And if you don 't get your act together , some other asshole is going to give her what she needs . She 's a beautiful woman and if you think that there aren 't men out there hitting on her you 're dumber than a red brick ! Hell , if you weren 't my best friend I 'd hit on her ! " I took another long gulp out of my beer bottle and then slumped down in my chair . I knew one way to prove him wrong and get him off my case . I looked at him for a moment and then I said , " Okay , asshole . Prove it to me . Go ahead and hit on her . Show me how to treat her . " Finally he said , " Dave , the only reason I 'm not going to take you up on that offer is that you 're my best friend and I 'd rather have you for a friend than have her sweet ass in the sack . Don 't get me wrong . I could have her if I wanted her . And I 'd enjoy the hell out of it , too . She 's been the subject of more than one of my kinky fantasies . But our friendship means a lot to me . I 'm not ready to give that up for a piece of ass . " I finished off my beer and went and got us each another . When I returned I said , " I 'm at the end of my rope , man . I 'm this close to going home , packing up and getting out . What makes it so hard is I still love the bitch ! You keep telling me you know how to treat her to get her to act right . So I 'm giving you permission . Show me . " Jim shook his head and said , " No way , Dave . You 're the jealous type . If I did what you 're asking , a part of what I would do would involve sex , lots of sex . All kinds of sex . You know what a pervert I am . You 'd end up hating both of us . " He was right about one thing . I am the jealous type . But what the hell ! I can 't live like this ! I 'm just about to leave her anyway . What if he 's right ? What if he does know how to treat her to make her do anything he wants ? What if he ends up having sex with her ? Could I deal with that ? I 'd hate to end up resenting him for doing something I told him to do , even if I don 't think he can really do it . I stared across the room at him for a moment and in a rare moment of clarity I exclaimed , " Fuck it , Jim ! I have nothing to lose . I want you to go for it . " Jim looked at me for a moment . He was thinking it over and it looked like he was going to refuse . But he surprised me . He said , " I 'll do it , if you insist . But I 'm going to warn you right up front . I 'm going to fuck the bitch . I 'm going to put her through some changes . I 'm not going to let you interfere once I start . And it isn 't going to be just one night . " The bitch is going to be mine until I turn her back over to you , if you still want her . You aren 't going to like what you see , either . So think about it long and hard before you give me permission to fuck your wife , Dave . " Don 't get me wrong . I still didn 't think she 'd fall for whatever the hell it was he was planning to do . But I had to take into consideration that since shortly after puberty when we started getting interested in girls , Jim has pretty much had his way with any girl he wanted . That 's probably why he 's still single . There are still a few girls in town that he hasn 't had sex with yet . He shook his head , rolled his eyes again and said , " Okay , Dave . I 'll do it . But there are some conditions you have to agree to . Once I start you can 't interfere . After I 've done what I 've said I was going to do , you can 't leave her . You have to stay with her for one year . In that one year she 'll still be your wife and live in your house . But she 'll be mine whenever I want her . And you know what a pervert I am . I 'll be able to come over and have sex with her whenever I want . I 'll be able to call her up and tell her to come over to my house whenever I feel like having some of her hot little ass . I 'll be able to take her out anytime I want . And if I want you to come along you will . " He saw the skeptical look in my eyes and said , " Don 't look at me like that . I can make it happen . So think about it before you jump into the deep end of the pool and discover you can 't swim . " That was more than I bargained for . Suddenly I wasn 't so sure of myself . I drank the rest of my beer and started to get up and get us another . I went around and around with it , struggling to decide if this was what I really wanted and if I thought I could live with his conditions . Because whatever faults people may ascribe to me , I 'm known for being a man of my word . If I say I 'm going to do something I do it . Could I live with her for a year if he turns out to be right ? I kept coming back to the same conclusion . I can 't go on like this . I have nothing to lose . Well , nothing but my pride . And I have damn little of that left lately . " I don 't want to break up your marriage . In all the years we 've been friends you 've never lied to me . And I 've never seen you go back on your word . I want your word that you 'll agree to my conditions and you 'll try to remember that I 'm doing this for your own good . That doesn 't mean I won 't enjoy it . I 'm going to enjoy the hell out of it . But I 'm hoping that a year and a day from now you 'll still be my best friend and she 'll still be your wife . " I stood up and headed for the kitchen . I got two more beers out of the refrigerator , came back in and said , " You have my word . I can 't promise that if you actually do what you say you 're going to do that I won 't get upset . But I 'll promise to remind myself constantly that you warned me , that you are my best friend , and that if this works I 'll be a happier man for it . " Jim thought about it for a few minutes and said , " I want you and Lea to take a week off . We 're going up to my dad 's cabin on the lake . You work that out with your boss and Lea and let me know when you can get away . I 'll take care of everything else . " I spent another hour at Jim 's house before I went home . There was no talking to Lea when I got home . I walked right past her and went up to the computer room . I checked my email and went to bed early . For most of Saturday we both pouted and did what we had to do without speaking to each other . I did the yard work . Lea got started on the house . I helped her out when I finished outside . By supper time we were talking again . The atmosphere was strained . But we could stand to be in the same room with each other . Over the next few days I tried very hard to reconcile our differences . I tried once more to get her to agree to see a marriage counselor . That 's something that she has always absolutely refused to do . She doesn 't like the idea of airing our dirty linen in public and I think she 's afraid that someone will tell her she 's screwed up in the head . I tried talking about our problems . But by Monday morning I had given up . If Jim couldn 't straighten her out then there was no hope for us . I went to work Monday morning and had a long talk with my boss . I explained that my marriage was on the rocks . I told him that there was an intensive one week getaway at a place that does in - depth marriage counseling . I wanted to try it . I was desperate to save my marriage . My boss is pretty much of an asshole most of the time . I was really surprised when he actually seemed to understand and sympathize . He gave me the week off . Without pay of course . He isn 't that nice . But he actually seemed to want to help which was surprising considering how poorly he has treated me since I started working there . I 've been working for him since I got out of college . I 'll admit that I was lucky to get the job . It pays very well . But I was tired of being treated like shit . So I was looking forward to giving him my two week notice . I recently received a better offer . I was going to start working for a man who left the company a year and a half ago . He invited me to go with him when he struck out on his own but I was a newlywed with no assets and a young bride to support . I didn 't have the nerve to take the gamble . It was apparent now , though , that his fledgling company was going to prosper . Although I didn 't leave my job and go to work with him a year and a half ago , I did have something to do with his company 's success . We 're electrical engineers and it turns out that I have quite a talent for the work . He often came to my home in the evening to get help with problems he and his small staff were having trouble solving . I enjoy a challenge and I didn 't mind helping him . I like him and when I first started out after college he was always very helpful and was very supportive to me . I needed his help . The asshole we work for should have been wearing a swastika . He 's that kind of prick . Once I cleared the week off with my boss I called the guy that Lea works for . We 've met a couple of times at office parties . He 's a bit of a stick . But I explained our problem again and asked if he could arrange for someone to fill in for Lea for a week . He was less sympathetic than my boss . I had to put up with him whining about how my personal problems have no place in the office . But after he wound down he said that he would see what he could do . I asked him not to mention it to her . I explained that I wasn 't even certain that she would go , but that it was our last hope . If things didn 't change , our marriage was over . He told me that he would contact the temp place he worked with and see what he could work out . He was just as generous as my boss . He told me that this would be unpaid time off . It isn 't like Lea and I are well off . But we have a decent income and we live well within our means . We 've even managed to accumulate some savings . I figured it was worth the money if we could save our marriage . Lea wasn 't too happy about it . But two weeks later we were all packed and on the road to Jim 's lake house . I told her that Jim invited us up for the week . She likes Jim and that made things a little easier . Hell , everyone likes Jim . Actually , cabin is a bit of a misnomer . Jim 's father has a very large , very fancy log vacation home on a large but secluded lake up in the mountains . I spent a lot of time up there when I was a boy . Whenever Jim and his family went up during the summer they invited me . And I loved going . I have a lot of fond memories of that place . Since our marriage , I 've taken Lea up there twice . We went once for a three day weekend and once for an entire week . She enjoyed the hell out of it both times . I 'm sure that at any other time she would have jumped at the chance to go . But she wasn 't sure that she wanted to be alone in the woods with me right now . It wasn 't until I told her that Jim was going to be there that she agreed to go . I doubt if we said a dozen words all the way to the cabin . Every time I tried to start a conversation she snapped at me . By the time we arrived I was thinking that I made a big mistake promising Jim to stay with Lea for a year . I was ready to slam on the brakes and push her out of the car , not necessarily in that order , long before we got to the cabin . Jim came out and greeted us when we got to the cabin . His greeting for Lea was especially warm . He put his arms around her , kissed her cheek and then held her for a moment while he smiled tauntingly at me over her head . It was kind of amusing . Lea hardly opened her mouth all the way up here . But as soon as we arrived and she was around Jim she turned into Chatty Cathy . I knew that she was fond of Jim . The two of them have flirted harmlessly since I introduced them . But I can 't recall ever seeing her flirt with him so blatantly before . Jim started asserting himself as soon as we arrived . As soon as we put the suitcases in our room we went out into the hallway to go back downstairs . We only took a few steps before he turned and told Lea to change into something more comfortable . He smiled that winning smile of his and added , " More revealing would be nice , too . " Jim and I watched her turn and go back into our bedroom . Then we looked at each other . He smiled and said , " Last chance , Dave . If you want to call it off , now is the time . When she comes downstairs she 's going to belong to me . " He knew I was kidding about killing her . But it was clear that something had to change or our marriage was over . It was also clear that I did not have the tools to bring about that change . I nodded and said , " You have my word . I won 't leave and I won 't throw her out . But I won 't stop her from leaving . " She did look good . It was probably just my imagination . I 'm sure it had something to do with this weird situation . But I thought she looked somehow . . . I don 't , available I guess . She stepped into the room and stood with her hand on her hip . Her hip was cocked to the side as if posing for Jim . She smiled coquettishly at him , ignoring me . She didn 't say anything , but the look on her face asked Jim if she was sexy enough . Jim smiled and exclaimed , " Perfect ! Come on , Lea . I 'll show you where everything is in the kitchen and you can help me make lunch . " I left them alone . I went out onto the back deck and got comfortable . It was a perfect day and I had a magnificent view of the lake . I left the door to the house open and just closed the screen door . I could hear them talking and laughing . But they were too far away and talking quietly . I couldn 't make out what they were saying . Every few minutes I heard Lea laugh lightheartedly . I don 't think I 've heard her laugh like that in at least a year . They were alone in the kitchen for close to forty - five minutes . Just before they joined me on the deck there was a prolonged silence . I was getting just about curious enough to take a peek inside when Lea came out with a tray of sandwiches . She was flushed and couldn 't look me in the eyes . She put the tray down and asked me if I wanted another beer . She went back inside as Jim was coming out . While she was in the kitchen getting the drinks he smiled and said , " She 's one hell of a kisser ! And I love those puffy nipples ! Very sexy ! I 've never seen nipples quite like that before . " I cannot explain my reaction . Actually , I had two instant and opposite reactions . I was instantly jealous and more than a little resentful that she would respond to him that easily , and in a way that she has never responded to me . Lea came back out carrying three beers and joined us at the table . She sat much closer to Jim than she did to me and the two of them continued to behave as if they were alone . They talked and laughed and Lea , who , as I mentioned , has always been fond of Jim , was now flirting with him openly . I suppose it 's possible that she was doing it just to piss me off . But I didn 't get that impression . She was ignoring me because she cared about Jim and she didn 't give a damn what I thought about it ! I might just as well have not been there . She didn 't give much of a damn either way . I ate my sandwich and then sat back and watched in fascination . Lea continued to act like I wasn 't even there . They both did . They laughed and talked and it was only a few minutes before I saw Jim 's hand casually come to rest on her thigh . She didn 't object . She didn 't even glance over to see what my reaction was . They carried on like that until they finished their lunch . Jim took the last sip of his beer and glanced over to see if mine was getting low . Then he leaned over , kissed Lea on the cheek and said , " Run in and get us three more beers . " She blushed and jumped to her feet , eager to please my friend . She leaned down and whispered something in his ear . Then she turned to me . She had the good grace to blush a little deeper when she took my empty bottle from me . But she offered no apologies for her behavior . She hurried to the kitchen and was back in seconds with three more beers . For the next ten minutes I watched in amazement as Jim wrapped Lea around his little finger . The conversation became more and more suggestive and she never once complained . Not even when Jim put his hand back on her thigh only a fraction of an inch from her pussy . Nor did she object when he pulled her chair a little closer and his other arm went around her shoulders . Lea never even looked in my direction . Not until Jim 's fingers began to lightly trace her nipple through her top . She was already flushed and obviously excited . When Jim 's fingers came into contact with her nipple she gasped loudly . That was when she glanced over at me , finally . Our eyes met for just long enough for her to determine that I wasn 't going to object . For just a second there was look of curiosity on her face . But then she turned back to Jim and once more I ceased to exist . I suppose that deep down inside I knew Jim well enough to know that when I brought Lea to him in this cabin he would more than likely end up seducing her . I certainly thought it would take longer than an hour ! And I never thought that it would take place right in front of me ! As I sat there watching them I was amazed at Jim 's confidence . But I spent much more time analyzing the reactions of both my wife and myself . I was a little bit pissed because I knew that if I had taken the liberties that Jim was taking and Jim had been sitting across the table , Lea would have stopped me in a skinny minute . I would never have been permitted to tease her breast overtly in front of anyone . She didn 't seem to care that my best friend was taking those liberties while I sat quietly watching . I wondered for just a second if perhaps she was waiting to see what I would do . But I quickly realized that was not the case . She has obviously surrendered to Jim in a way that she has never surrendered to me . As for my own reaction , I won 't try to deny that I still felt jealous . But I wasn 't jealous because she was permitting Jim to take liberties . I was jealous because she was permitting Jim to take liberties that she would not have allowed me . I 'm embarrassed to admit that wasn 't my only reaction . I still had a hard on . I was more turned on watching Jim molest my wife than I 've ever been from watching a porn movie . I found myself watching and secretly enjoying the most erotic show that I 've ever seen ! Jim sat up and removed his hands from my wife . The disappointment was obvious on Lea 's face . Jim smiled and said , " Clear off the table and bring us all back another beer , sexy . And hurry up . I 'm not through getting to know you better . " Lea was back then . She handed me my beer and this time she looked at me . Our eyes met and she somehow knew that I wasn 't going to objection to what was happening between her and my best friend . She didn 't seem to care why . She saw in my eyes that she had permission to enjoy herself with Jim . Not that she seemed to need it . She 's already gone pretty far without concerning herself with my reaction . I 'm not sure that she 's aware of how far she 'll end up going with him . And I 'm not sure she really cares how I feel about what she 's doing with Jim . At least I don 't get that impression . In fairness to Lea , our relationship has devolved to the point that we 've both come to realize that we can 't continue on the way we are . She may have thought that this would finally put an end to what was left of our marriage . She doesn 't know that I 've already committed to remain with her for the next year regardless of what happens between her and Jim . I watched as she turned back to Jim and her face lit up . In that instant I once more ceased to exist . She returned to her seat and Jim 's hands returned to her thigh and her breast . They took right up where they left off . The tone of their conversation changed , though . They began to talk quietly , their faces only inches apart . I watched them getting closer and closer , I couldn 't help myself . I watched Jim press his lips to hers and her eyes closed . Their lips remained pressed lightly together as Jim removed his hand from her thigh and slowly slid it up her taut stomach and under her top . I began to feel like a voyeur , like I shouldn 't be here , I shouldn 't be watching this . I felt like an intruder . I couldn 't make myself get up and go inside , though . I couldn 't tear my eyes away from them . The strange part of all this . . . well , one of the many strange parts I suppose , is that even though Jim confidently assured me that he knew what Lea need and that he could seduce her , and even though it was happening right before my eyes , I still couldn 't quite believe the total change in her behavior . And I 'm not even certain what it is that he was doing differently ! Certainly nothing that I could detect . Jim slowly worked her top up until her breasts were totally exposed . His hands teased both breasts freely . Her puffy nipples were taut and her breasts seemed swollen . I knew my wife 's body well enough to know that at this moment her pussy was soaking wet and her heart was probably beating more rapidly than it has in years . But it was maddening to me that Jim had brought her to that point effortlessly in less time than it takes me to get ready for bed ! I kept expecting them to get up and go inside . I thought surely that Lea would balk at letting Jim continue while I sat across the table watching . But they both continued to make out like a couple of horny teenagers and still they acted like they were all alone . Jim straightened up and quickly removed her top . Then his lips took possession of her nipples . Her arms came up , not to push him away but to hold him tight to her breast . Under her breath she exclaimed , " Oh god ! That feels so damn good ! " His hand cupped her mound and her entire body shuddered violently . I saw her eyes suddenly open and then her eyes rolled back in her head as she experienced an orgasm , an intense orgasm that she made no effort to mask . She moaned and her body shook . She didn 't even try to conceal from me what she was feeling . And fuck me ! I was so fucking turned on from watching Jim take control of my wife that I was on the verge of my own orgasm ! But my poor cock was just sitting there all alone in my pants ! Jim kissed Lea again , a long , passionate kiss on the lips this time , and then sat up . He placed two fingers under my wife 's chin and lifted her head . It took her a moment to focus on him . But when their eyes met he smiled at her and said , " You 're one hot little bitch ! I never would have guessed . Stand up . I want to see you naked . " Damned if she didn 't ! She stood up and unbuttoned her shorts without ever taking her eyes from Jim 's . She smiled coquettishly as she pulled the zipper down . Then she slowly pushed them down off of her hips and let them fall to her feet . I noticed that Jim 's eyes never left hers . He didn 't even glance down as she stripped down to her sexy little bikini panty . He waited until she stood in front of him in just her panties . He glanced down then and his smile grew . He said , " Very sexy . I like the way a pretty woman looks in her panties . I like the way they mold to your pussy like a second skin and offer a promise of pure pleasure . " Lea was already so red that I couldn 't tell if that made her blush . She was smiling , though . And one side of her lips curled up into an almost feline grin , as if to silently acknowledge her lust for my best friend , and her submission to him . She hesitated for a long time . But it wasn 't because she had any doubts about what she was doing . She was just teasing Jim , putting off removing that final flimsy garment to let the sexual tension build . It didn 't seem to be working , though . Jim still looked at her face more than he looked at her body . He seemed totally relaxed and in no particular hurry to see her naked . I , on the other hand , was holding my breath anxiously . For some strange reason it was as though I was seeing her undress for the very first time ! And damn ! She never looked sexier ! She has a perfect body . Her breasts are firm and perfectly formed . Her puffy nipples have always turned me on . But now , watching her undress for another man , I can 't begin to describe how hot this little sex show was ! Her breasts were rising and falling rapidly . It was obvious that her attempt to act calm and in control was just that , an act . She wasn 't fooling anyone . Lea stepped out of her underwear and straightened up . She stood before my best friend , giving him ample opportunity to enjoy the sight of her beautiful body . After a long moment or two she started to return to her seat . Jim shook his head and in a calm voice he said , " Don 't sit down yet . Turn around . I want to see that beautiful little ass of yours . " Her grin widened and turned up on one side again . She had a decidedly pixyish look about her . She slowly turned until she was standing with her back to him . He admired the view for a moment . Then he got to his feet and turned her around . He took her in his arms and kissed her again , with a lot more passion this time . He began to move his hands over her body and whisper in her ear . I couldn 't hear what he was saying . I only heard her breathless voice whispering in return , " Yes ! Yes ! Oh god yes ! I promise ! " Jim stepped back and I saw the arrogant grin on his face . He traced a line down my wife 's cheek and then turned her and bent her over the table across from where I was sitting . She rested her head on her crossed arms and waited expectantly . I saw her body twitch when his fingers came into contact with her naked pussy . She gasped loudly . But her eyes remained closed and the look of indescribable excitement and anticipation never left her face . Even now , at this most intimate point in their relationship , it was still like the two of them were alone here . I felt like the invisible man . But I was still too aroused to be jealous . I don 't think I 've ever been so turned on in my life . I didn 't understand what I was feeling . I 've read about men who are excited about showing their wives off in public . Even men who get off on letting other men have sex with their wives . I 've never felt that way . I don 't understand those men at all . Or at least I didn 't . The evidence that I might understand them better now was plain to see in my pants . And so here I sit . I 'm watching Jim turn my wife into a total cock craving slut , as promised . And I 'm so excited that I 'm just about certain I could cum if I just reached down and squeezed my cock one time . Just one touch . That would be all I 'd need . Jim was taking his clothes off now . I glanced up and our eyes met . He was trying to judge my reaction to what was about to happen before my very eyes . I smiled and shrugged . I think that it pleased me that he still cared about our friendship enough to be concerned about how I felt . Jim nodded as if to acknowledge that everything was still alright between us and returned his attention to my wife 's ass . I returned my attention to my wife 's face . Her reactions to what Jim was doing to her fascinated me . Jim took his time undressing . I knew he appreciated the view but it was more than that . He was letting the suspense build for Lea . It was working . I saw it in the way she began to fidget and in the expression of impatience on her face . When he was finally naked he paused a moment longer to caress her ass a bit more and reach between her legs to tease her sopping wet pussy . She moaned in frustration and shocked the hell out of me when she asked right out loud , " Please , Jim . Put it in me ! Fuck me ! " That couldn 't be Lea ! Not my Lea ! Not pleading with a man to fuck her ! I don 't think she 's ever said that word out loud before ! Jim pressed his hard cock between the cheeks of Lea 's perfect ass and slid it up and down through the crease . Her mouth fell open and she exhaled loudly as his cock pressed against her . If she was worried that he might fuck her ass she didn 't show it . She only smiled at the way his hard cock felt nestled against her body . She made a funny noise that I 've never heard before . It was a cross between a whine and a growl . She was obviously out of her mind with lust . I saw her lips moving . She was muttering something . I couldn 't hear it at first . But gradually she turned the volume up and Jim and I both heard what she was saying . She was pleading with him ! " Fuck me . Please , I can 't take it anymore . I need it . Please fuck me . I need your cock inside of me . Please , Jim ! I told you . . . I promised you . I 'll do anything you want . I swear it . Just put your cock inside of me . Fuck me , baby . I need to feel your cock inside of me . I need to cum . I 'll do all those things you said . I promise . Just fuck me ! " Lea screamed as he entered her . It was another sound I 've never heard her make before . I thought once again that I probably should have been furious with her , or with myself . Instead I felt lust . And then , inexplicably , I felt happy for her ! I can 't explain that strange response . But I was honest enough with myself to realize that I 've never been able to make her feel what she was feeling now . I don 't know why . I honestly saw little difference in what Jim was doing and what I have probably done with her on several occasions . The only difference I was aware of was that Jim started gently ordering her around from the moment she arrived . But hell ! How could ordering her to fetch a few beers make this much difference ? ! It had to be something else , something much less obvious . Or could it be something as simple as Lea has wanted to be with Jim all this time ? She never gave any indication of it if that 's the case . And I know that Jim has never encouraged her . He 's much too loyal a friend to do something like that . Jim slammed his cock into her twice more before she screamed again and totally lost control . She came like I 've never seen her cum before . She was bent over that table and Jim was holding her down . She was helpless . But she thrashed around under him as if she was having a fit . Her mouth was open and she was drooling . But it was plain to see that she was totally unaware of anything but Jim 's cock inside of her . Jim grinned down at Lea and slowed down . He began to fuck her with long , slow , gentle strokes until she had recovered from her orgasm . Then he started picking up the pace again until after half a dozen strokes he was slamming his cock into her violently again . It took a moment for his order to sink in . But a moment later her eyes were open . She was looking right at me . But again , I honestly don 't think that she could see me . She had a glassy , vacant look in her eyes . She was so wrapped up in lust that her entire attention was turned inward . It took another moment . But she finally seemed to focus and our eyes met . I expected her to be embarrassed . But she wasn 't . She smiled at me and our eyes remained locked on each other . Lea grunted and groaned in pleasure . In between all of those intensely sexual sounds she managed to say , " I 'll do whatever you want me to do . I 'll do all those things you said you were going to make me do . " She moaned again . But then she said , " I 'll do anything you want , sir . I 'll fuck you at anytime and in anyplace you want . " Her response was punctuated with frequent grunts as he continued to ram his cock into her . She continued , " I 'll let you decide what clothes I wear . I 'll let you undress me whenever and wherever you want . And I 'll let you decide who can fuck me . I promise never to say no to you . You own my body . You own my pussy and my ass and my tits and my mouth . " Jim groaned and I could tell that he was about to lose it . He 's been fucking her very hard for a very long time . I was impressed by his self control . Then she cried out and started cumming again . This time Jim joined her in a mutual and very violent orgasm . He slammed into her several more times and then he tilted his head back and gasped loudly and I knew he was filling her hot pussy with cum . Until this moment , no one but me has fucked her since we began dating almost four years ago . I wouldn 't want it any other way . But I knew that my entire life had just changed . I had just joined that group of men who got turned on watching other men fuck their wives ! I think that I may have been more surprised with my own reaction than by the way that Lea submitted to him so quickly . How could all that heat , all that lust have been inside of her without me knowing it ? Why couldn 't I bring it out ? I was tempted once again to wonder if something happened between them before we came up here to the cabin . But it was a fleeting thought . I knew it hadn 't . I knew that I could trust Jim . He and I have been closer than brothers almost forever . I knew him to be an honorable man . I would trust him with my life or my wife . Jim stayed in position , joined with Lea for several minutes . I watched them both getting their breath back . They were totally satisfied and I didn 't see a single sign that Lea was having second thoughts or that she was troubled by a guilty conscience . Jim finally slid his cock out of my wife 's hot pussy and returned to his seat . Lea remained in position , bent over the table for a moment longer . She finally started to straighten up but Jim snapped at her , " I didn 't say you could get up yet ! Stay where you are . I 'm enjoying the view . I like looking at your puffy cunt after a good fuck . " I watched her face . She groaned and her eyes closed . But a look of intense pleasure came over her face . She was getting off on the way he talked to her ! A moment passed and then Jim turned his attention to me . Our eyes met and we both smiled . No discussion was necessary . We knew each other very well . He knew how I had reacted to what I just witnessed . I was incredibly grateful to him at that moment ! I didn 't expect to be invited to join in the fun . But god I was horny right at that moment ! I would have to find some way to make this up to him . I 've never fucked my wife or any other woman after someone else just fucked her . For some reason the concept was really turning me on . It was plain to see from the look on her face that she was far less enthused . I don 't think she anticipated that her new master would grant me access to her hot little pussy . I had to wonder , then , who did she think he was going to let fuck her ? And then I began to wonder , just who did he intend to let fuck my wife ? ! I put that minor concern out of my mind and stood up . After all , it didn 't concern me now . She has just become his problem . I went around the table , looked down at her swollen pussy and said , " She was never very good at sucking cocks , Jim . She thinks it 's nasty and doesn 't like doing it . And anyway , I 'm kind of curious to see what her cunt feels like after she 's just been fucked . I 've never had sloppy seconds before . But are you sure it 's okay ? She 's your cunt now . " Her head was turned to the side and resting on her arm . I could still see her face from behind her . I watched her expression change . She was embarrassed by what I just said . I wondered if she might even be feeling just a touch of guilt . Jim smiled and answered , " I 'll take care of that blowjob thing . She just needs an attitude adjustment . She 'll come around once she gets a lot more practice with me and a few of my friends . " The look on her face when he said that almost made me laugh out loud . I bit my lip and started undressing . Lea lifted her head slightly and watched me closely . She saw how hard and wet my cock was . She had to know how turned on I was after watching the show she and Jim just put on . It was pretty obvious . I reached out and caressed her back and the cheeks of her ass affectionately . She smiled and sighed . I looked down between her legs . Her pussy was pink and still slightly swollen . But aside from that it looked perfectly normal after their violent fuck . There was a creamy film over it and small streams of clear liquid running down her thighs . She looked a little nasty and I was surprised when I realized how much that turned me on . My best friend has just fucked the shit out of my wife . And after watching it my cock is so hard that it hurts . I 'm a bigger pervert than I ever realized ! I stepped closer and slid my cock up and down through the crack of her beautiful ass . I gripped the cheeks of her ass and watched my cock moving between her soft , firm globes of flesh . I love every part of her body . But I think that I 've always been particularly fond of her ass . She still has an ass as firm and high as a teenager . Lea moaned in pleasure and sighed , sounds I 've never been able to elicit from her in the past . Then she said , " That feels good , baby . Are you going to fuck me now ? " I chuckled . Until a short time ago when I heard her begging Jim to fuck her I had never heard her use the word fuck . Now it seemed to roll right off of her tongue . I dipped my knees and lined my cock up with her well fucked pussy and slowly entered her . Her tight little pussy never felt so hot ! And I was very relieved when it clamped down on my hard cock and felt just like it always did , perfect . I started fucking her . Not as violently as Jim just did , but I was very turned on and I wasn 't being gentle . While I pounded into her I said to Jim , " She has never let me fuck her ass . I just heard her tell you that you could fuck her ass anytime you want . I can 't wait to see that . " Jim said , " It 's not that traumatic . A lot of guys don 't know a girl 's ass from a hole in the ground . If you do it right , most women really enjoy it . It just takes a little extra preparation . A very sexy woman I used to date taught me how to do it right . She was really into it . Lea is going to enjoy it . And she is going to be a nice little cocksucker too , now that she knows her place . Isn 't that right , bitch ? " She moaned again and said , " Oh yeah ! That feels nice . Fuck me , baby . I love the way your cock feels inside of me . Fuck me good . Fuck Jim 's cunt . " Cunt ? She hates that word ! I remembered seeing her at a party one time . Some guy standing behind her was talking to some friends . He made the mistake of saying that word loud enough that she overheard him . She whipped around and tore into him like a pit bull . And now , after an hour and a half with Jim she suddenly has a cunt ! I will never understand . Except for the short amount of time that they had spent together in the kitchen I watched and listened to everything they said to each other . It can 't be something that Jim said that brought about this change in her . He didn 't say anything ! It was getting hard to think . Not much of my blood was going to my brain at the moment . I started paying more attention to the way my cock felt as my wife 's hot cunt gripped it tightly . I suddenly became a little more aware of the world around me and I realized that she having another orgasm . She was much quieter than she was when Jim was fucking her . But I felt her pussy clamp down and she moaned in pleasure . I would have liked to be able to make it last a little longer . But for an hour or so I 've been on the verge of cumming just from watching the two of them together . I lost it then . When her pussy clamped down on my cock I slammed into her violently and then I clamped down on her tits and shot what must have been a huge load into her hot cunt . I finally pulled my slowly deflating cock out of my wife and stepped back . I admired the view as she remained bent over the table . Then I went back around the table and sat back down . I suddenly realized where I had seen that look on her face before . She looked like a cat that was being petted . She looked like she was purring ! She was having a ball ! Jim laughed . But I heard affection in his voice when he said , " Go get your ass cleaned up . Then get us all another beer and come back out here . Don 't dawdle . I 'm not through playing with your nasty ass . " Lea moaned again as she slowly pushed herself to her feet . Moaning and groaning seems to have become her primary form of communication . She turned to face Jim and I swear she was glowing . She smiled and said , " Yes , sir . I 'll be right back . " She rushed back inside . As soon as she was out of range of our voices , Jim smiled and said , " That wasn 't bad for a beginning . I told you . She just needs someone to tell her what to do . " He laughed and responded , " It isn 't what I said , Dave . It 's all in the attitude . You just keep quiet this week and watch . You 'll pick it up . You 're a smart guy . I take it you aren 't plagued by second thoughts ? " I grinned and replied , " It 's a good thing you invited me to use your slut when you did . I was about to have to rape one of you . And you were closer . " |
At the height of the Cold War in the late 70s the Soviet Union was known to be experimenting with the use of Psychics in an effort to improve their intelligence gathering capabilities . During that same period the CIA in conjunction with the US Military was conducting experiments with drugs to improve our own capabilities . Most of these programs , like the one in the following story , were abandoned in the 80s as the Soviet Union collapsed and the Cold War ended . But how sure can we be that all of these programs ended ? How certain can we be that all of these experimental drugs have been destroyed ? How safe would you feel if you knew that the CIA or the NSA had access to a drug formula like DHS 77 ? That night John seemed to be a little distant as I led him to my bed . As we began kissing his mood seemed to improve but I could tell he had something weighing on him . As he kissed me , he unbuttoned my blouse , which he soon had off and my bra unhooked . When he sucked my nipple into his mouth , it felt wonderful . John wasn 't my first lover but when we got together , everything he did to me , every sensation felt new to me so all I could do was give myself over to the experience . I did whatever John told me to do and moved whatever way he wanted me to move . I was so horny that night that it felt like he was lighting little fires on my body anywhere he touched me . When he ran his tongue over my pussy lips , I started to orgasm . When his cock penetrated me , I grabbed hold of John and he pulled back momentarily then slowly began penetrating me again . Once he was fully inside me , John stopped moving and gave me a chance to get used to the feel of his hard cock inside me . As my vaginal muscles relaxed to accept his large shaft , I enjoyed the feeling of having a cock inside me . John began moving his hips causing his cock to slowly move in and out of my sensitive pussy . John began to increase the speed and power of his penetrations and I soon had an amazing orgasm . I loved the way it felt to have his cock moving inside of me . When my orgasm passed , John climaxed inside me triggering another orgasm for me . John lay with me on the bed for a while then got up still naked and got two beers from my refrigerator . He came and sat next to me on the bed and , as we drank our beer , I stared at his limp penis . It always amazed me that it could be so big and hard when aroused and so small and soft afterward . I reached over and touched it . John didn 't say anything , he just spread his legs a little to give me more access . I picked his penis up between my fingers and just kind of examined it . I turned it and bent it , pulled and twisted it so that I could see it from every possible angle . As I was doing this , it began to grow . Only slightly , but I noticed . I didn 't answer him . He had never asked me to do that before and I had never before had a cock in my mouth but I wanted to try it . I just bent over and as I got close to his cock I could smell the scent of our sex , which was totally foreign to me . I stuck my tongue out and touched the tip of John 's cock with it . There was a little drip of his cum there and I picked it up with my tongue . I found the taste to be slightly salty but otherwise inoffensive . I again ran my tongue over the head this time sliding part way down the shaft , and then I looked up at John . When we made eye contact , John said , " Take as much of my cock in your mouth as you can . Try to only touch it with your lips and tongue , no teeth . " Because of its somewhat relaxed state I was able to take his whole cock into my mouth . John said , " That 's good . Now pull back so that my cock comes part way out of your mouth and run your tongue around my cock as you do this . Then slide your mouth back down the shaft . " I did as John instructed and his cock started getting bigger immediately . It only took me a couple of minutes to get him completely hard . Then John said , " Now just make love to my cock with your mouth being careful not to hurt it with your teeth . " I caught on to what he liked me to do very quickly and found myself enjoying the experience . As I continued to suck on his cock , John said , " Now I want to teach you how to really please a man . When I climax , I want you to try and swallow it . When you feel me starting to cum , keep your mouth closed tightly around my cock and try not to let anything leak out . " A minute later John said , " Here it comes . " Then he grunted just as I felt the first squirt of his cum hit the back of my throat . I almost choked on this but was able to control myself . I didn 't swallow all of his cum but I did manage to swallow quite a bit . John told me to continue sucking and licking his cock until it was completely soft . As I did this , he told me that I had done very good for my first time . After that John lay next to me on the bed and didn 't speak for a long time . When I asked if something was wrong , he didn 't respond ; he just took me in his arms and started making love to me again . When it was over , John dressed , said goodnight and left . I knew immediately that he and I would not be getting together again . We should never have gotten together in the first place . John was married and worse than that he was my commanding officer . My name is Pamela Johnson , I am 45 years old and I live in the Los Angeles area . The story I am telling you began 25 years ago while I was serving in the United States Army . Back then I was SP4 Martin . It was 1981 and the Soviet Union was just beginning to show signs that it was weakening and the end of the cold war was near . At the time I was 20 years old and serving in the US Army as a security guard at the Pentagon . One morning in late March , my commanding officer called me into his office and after spending a few minutes discussing the beautiful early spring weather we were having Captain John Lewis got down to business . I knew this was not going to be good news . John had never broken protocol by addressing me by my first name while at work . In the office he had always addressed me as Specialist Lewis . " My wife has become suspicious and I think she knows about us , " he said . " I am sorry but we are going to have to stop seeing each other . I 've decided that it would be best for both of us if I have you reassigned . I managed to find an assignment that I think might interest you . They need a security guard for a government lab in Virginia . The job is on second shift but it would mean a promotion for you . You would be bumped up to E5 . " I guess I always knew that the day would come when we would have to end our relationship and maybe that was why I wasn 't too upset or maybe I was just ready to move on . I knew I would miss the sex but I had to admit that I was never in love with John . I was young and inexperienced when I first was assigned to his command and John was handsome and he proved to be a good lover . John was right , of course . Under the new circumstances , I didn 't want to be working for him . The idea of getting a promotion helped ease the pain and I didn 't mind working second shift . I was single and I suddenly found myself without a love life , so working evenings would not interfere with my newly inactive social life . " What specifically would I be guarding sir ? " I asked . I always maintained proper military discipline and avoided the temptation of calling Captain Lewis by his first name while at work . " They didn 't say . I only know that you would be working at a government lab . Apparently they deal with a lot of classified projects . Anyway , they didn 't tell me anymore than that . You interested ? " " Good . I already told them you would be there Monday . You are to report to Building 9746 at 1500 hours on Monday . When you get there ask for a Mr . Cameron at the front desk . Good luck , Pam , " Captain Lewis said as he handed me the orders assigning me to the lab and directions to the facility . The facility was built into the side of a hill so that only one wall was exposed . It was a two story concrete wall with no windows making it look cold and foreboding . I was beginning to feel uneasy as I approached the main entrance , which was comprised of a set of steel doors . The interior of the building wasn 't quite as cold looking as the exterior but it wasn 't exactly welcoming either . It was brightly lit but had more of an antiseptic feel , like a hospital than an office building . Mr . Cameron came down and met me at the front desk . He was about forty years old and a little thick around the middle . He had a quick and easy smile , which kind of reminded me of my father . That made me feel a little more comfortable . Mr . Cameron ran me through the process of getting a security badge , an orange plastic card with my name and picture in the front and a magnetic strip on the back . Mr . Cameron also got me a parking permit . Then he showed me around the building . He showed me the cafeteria , the first aid station , where to go to get office supplies and where the rest rooms were located . Finally he took me to the lab where I would be working . We had to badge in through two sets of doors to get inside the lab . To the immediate left , just inside the door there was a small desk with nothing on it except for a telephone and a desk lamp . There were two more desks at the left end of the large room and five lab tables positioned in the middle of the room . Each of the tables had a large fluorescent light fixture above it and a row of electrical outlets along the back edge of the tabletop . On the far wall , diagonally across the lab from the entrance , there was another door with its own badge reader . Along the wall to my left , there were five black metal cabinets . Each cabinet was about seven feet tall by four feet wide and eighteen inches deep . The five people in the lab looked up as Mr . Cameron and I entered . Two men and a woman in white lab coats were working at the tables and there was an officer with the rank of major sitting at one of the desks . The other person in the room was an older man , also wearing a white lab coat and he had his face buried in one of the metal cabinets I mentioned earlier . He guided me around the room and introduced me to everyone , apparently in order of their importance . He started with Dr . Moore ; he was the older man who had been engrossed in the content of one of the metal cabinets when we came into the room . He appeared to be in his late sixties . He was a tall , thin man with a full head of silver gray hair . His eyes were slightly red , which made him look tired . Dr . Moore had a friendly smile but he only gave me a perfunctory hello and then went back to studying the contents of the large black metal cabinet . Next was Major Mitchell . He was a short man , maybe five feet five inches tall , making him three inches shorter than me . From his demeanor and the way he greeted me , I pegged him immediately as someone who wanted desperately to be a general but would probably never even make it to lieutenant colonel . I had seen so many like him at the Pentagon that they were easy for me to spot . It 's not something I can describe , just a sense you get about someone . I think he expected me to be impressed by his rank , another trait I had seen many times . I knew a lot of majors at the Pentagon and frankly I was not impressed by any rank below general . Jim Holtsclaw was one of the lab technicians . He was about 25 years old and quite handsome . He was tall with dark hair and blue eyes . I remember being disappointed when I saw his wedding ring . Brian Carter , also a lab technician was older that Jim , maybe in his forties . Not bad looking but not very interesting . Everything about him was average . The last lab technician and the only woman on the team was Brenda Powell . Brenda was an attractive woman about 30 years old , tall , brunette and in good physical condition . I noticed that she had a big diamond ring on her finger but no wedding band . " You are also responsible to make sure that classified trash gets put into the proper receptacle , " he said . " On Thursdays you will take the classified trash receptacle to the furnace room and remain there until you witness the emptying of the receptacle into the furnace . Every night when the others leave you are to make sure that there are no classified documents left out . If you find any classified documents have been left out you are to lock them in that cabinet over there and report the incident to me the following day . " Every Wednesday night around six o ' clock , the cleaning people come in to sweep and mop the floor . You are to make sure that they do not bring anything into the room when they come in and that they don 't take anything out of the room when they leave . Everything they need to do the job is in that cabinet over there . " Mr . Cameron pointed to the big black cabinet farthest from us as he said that . He led me over to one of the desks and opened the drawer and removed a holstered 45 - caliber pistol and handed it to me and said , " Use this tonight . When you come in tomorrow , we will go to the weapons room and you can draw your own weapon . While you are on duty you will wear a side arm at all times . Is that understood ? " " When you are here by yourself , if you need to leave the room for any reason , for instance when you take the classified trash to the furnace room or need to use the rest room or to go to the cafeteria you must call the main desk . They will dispatch a security guard to this location . He is not to enter the room . He will stand guard outside the room until you return . Is that understood ? " " Your relief is Sergeant Lewis . He will be wearing the same orange ID badge all of us in this room are wearing right now . Anyone without an orange badge is not allowed in this room unless escorted by one of the team members . Do you have any more questions ? " And I did . There were lots of rooms in the Pentagon I wasn 't allowed in . I always figured that it was probably better to not know what went on in those rooms and I certainly knew the regulations regarding working with classified materials . " It 's called Controlled Intelligence Source or CIS for short , " he said . " You will be given access only to the information you will need to perform your duties . You know the drill . " The CIS team began to leave shortly after five o ' clock with Dr . Moore being the last to leave at 6 : 30 . Once I was alone in the lab I began to wander around the room , more out of curiosity than looking for any classified documents I would have to put away . I knew I wouldn 't find any . I walked over to investigate the five metal cabinets along the wall . Inside the first cabinet the shelves were lined with bottles labeled with the names of different chemicals . The second cabinet was locked and had a small sign that read ' Pharm , ' which meant nothing to me at the time . The next cabinet contained test equipment , test tubes , beakers and other glass items you would expect to see in a lab . The fourth cabinet contained cleaning products and a box of powder for soaking up chemical spills . The fifth and last cabinet contained brooms , mops , buckets and floor cleaner . After my little self guided tour of the lab I sat down at my desk and wondered about CIS . This was obviously a very secret and sensitive project ; otherwise Mr . Cameron would not have given me the instructions he gave me . As a security guard assigned to the Pentagon I knew that being told , " You are not to allow access to this room to anyone , " means that I am authorized to use deadly force to prevent unauthorized access to the lab . The use of deadly force when necessary is part of a security guard 's job but it is not generally mentioned when discussing a particular assignment , unless they feel that someone might actually risk death to get into the facility you are guarding . I was slowly getting to know the team members as I was around them for at least two hours everyday and many nights one or more of them would work over . I really liked it when Brenda worked late . It was nice to have a woman to talk to and she would go with me to the cafeteria for dinner . I felt that we were actually becoming friends . During those early months , I also learned that the locked cabinet was full of drugs and that Pharm stood for pharmaceuticals . I assumed that was one reason I was not to allow anyone into the room after hours . There were some pretty heavy drugs in there including several narcotics . Dr . Moore was the strange one in the group . He was always friendly toward me and , when he talked to me , it was almost as if he was being conspiratorial , although he never talked to me about his project . In time I got the impression that Dr . Moore was not happy working on the CIS project . I sensed that he would rather be somewhere else . It wasn 't anything he said but to me it was apparent in his overall demeanor . During my second year at the lab , there seemed to be an increase in the level of stress among the members of the CIS team . The pressure the team was under was palpable . You could see it in their faces and hear it in their voices . Even I was feeling the stress although I didn 't know why . I guessed it was contagious . " I wouldn 't worry about it . This place gets to everyone at some point . I wouldn 't be surprised if just talking to me about it helps . Besides , if you go to a psychiatrist you might get transferred out of the lab . These people are not real comfortable having employees talking about their work with anyone outside . " Over the next several months , things seemed to go smoothly and the stress level dropped significantly . Everyone seemed to be more relaxed and in better spirits . By that time , I had learned a little about the project . Nobody told me anything specific ; I just put little pieces of information together over time and started to see the picture . The lab was working for the CIA trying to create a drug that could be used to gather intelligence . I didn 't know how the drug was supposed to work , only that the CIA would use it to get information from people without them knowing they were giving away any secrets . In January of 1984 things began to change . We started hearing that the CIA wasn 't happy with the progress the team was making and they were threatening to cut our budget . Major Mitchell was reassigned and went back to the Pentagon and there were rumors that some highly placed people in the government wanted to kill CIS . It was about this time that I decided that when my enlistment ended in June , I was going home to California and go to college rather than re - enlist . It turned out that was a wise decision . In May we got word the funding for the project was cut off and the lab was given a month to shut everything down and destroy all records of the project . The fact that I wasn 't very vested in the project made it easier for me to walk away but I felt bad for the others . They had invested more than four years in the CIS project and now they would never see the final product of their efforts . The odd thing is that they didn 't seem to be as upset as I would have expected . The last week was frantic . I would not have thought that shutting down a project would take so much effort . That day I was asked to come in early and make sure no one carried out any classified information . I felt bad standing guard over the people I worked with for the last three years . I didn 't know what I would do if any of them had tried to smuggle out any documents . Luckily , nobody tried . By 5 : 30 that evening , everyone had left except Dr . Moore and myself . For the last hour Dr . Moore had been sitting at his desk waiting for the others to leave . When we were finally alone he came over to me and put his hand on my shoulder . I followed him to the door that led into the back room . The room I had never been in . Dr . Moore opened the door with his badge and I followed him through . The room was empty except for one steel cabinet against the wall next to the door we had just come through . Dr . Moore pulled a key from his pocket and opened the cabinet . The only things inside were a cardboard box and a roll of packing tape . Dr . Moore pulled the box out of the cabinet and set it on the floor . He lifted the flap on the box and showed me the contents . All of the books I had brought in to read over the three years were stacked in the box . Dr . Moore then picked up the roll of packing tape and sealed the box . On the outside he wrote ' Personal Property of SP5 Martin . ' This worried me a little . I knew from the size of the box that it contained more than just my books . The books had been arranged to hide whatever was underneath them . Was this what he meant when he said , " I am sorry about all this . If I had been stronger , I might have been able to keep things from going too far . " I was in a panic . I didn 't know what to do . My job was to make sure that didn 't happen , not to help some one do it . Then Dr . Moore put his hands on my shoulders and looked directly into my eyes . " I want you to take this home with you . I think it is best that you have the contents of this box . In time , you will understand . " Neither of us spoke again . I watched as Dr . Moore finished packing up his personal belongings and we left together locking up the lab behind us . We went to the front desk and turned in our keys and badges . The guard at the desk asked what we had in the boxes and we both said personal items . Then the guard made Dr . Moore open his box . He looked through it , told Dr . Moore it was okay , and then he looked at me . I was petrified . Dr . Moore and I walked silently to the front door and once outside he said , " You may want to let some time pass before you open that box . I hope in time you will be able to put all this behind you and do the right thing , because I couldn 't . Good - bye . " I locked the box in the trunk of my car where it stayed for the next three weeks while I finished out my enlistment back at the Pentagon on security detail . When I received my discharge papers , I packed up my apartment and arranged for the movers to come get my things . When I got to California , I put my belongings in storage and moved into my parents ' house while I looked for an apartment and a job . Over the next three months , I got a part time job for Alpha Security and Investigations , a private security company , started college and found a small apartment . The apartment was too small for all my stuff so I left some furniture and some boxes in storage . Among the boxes left in storage was the box from CIS . I met Allen in my first year of college . He was tall and handsome and I knew he was the one for me . Allen had also been in the military , which gave us something in common . He was a year older than me and was in his sophomore year when we met . We dated for three weeks before we had sex . It wasn 't that I was making him wait ; it just seemed that things kept getting in our way . School , jobs , people - but we finally got together . Allen came over to my apartment for dinner and we ended up on the floor five minutes after he walked in . It started with a hello kiss and we almost immediately started pulling each other 's clothes off . I guess we both knew what was going to happen that night so it didn 't take much to start it . I had been celibate for the last three and a half years and I had been nervous and excited all day by the prospect of finally having a man inside me again . I almost felt like a virgin until Allen pushed his beautiful cock inside me . No virgin ever felt that much pleasure on the first penetration . After that night we were nearly inseparable and Allen moved in with me three weeks later . We got married soon after he graduated in 1988 . I finished school the following year and we both managed to land good jobs . Allen got a job at a large bank in their mergers and acquisitions department and I took a position with an advertising agency . Everything was going great for us - the marriage , the careers , everything . So in 1990 we bought a house in Glendale , California . The day after we moved into the house Allen had to go to New York for a week of meetings on a large corporate merger . He kept apologizing for leaving me with the unpacking . He said he would find a way to repay me . I told him I would take it out in trade . Tuesday morning there were just a few boxes of odds and ends left to deal with . One of the remaining boxes was the one from the CIS lab . For two days I had been avoiding the box . Every time I looked at it I felt uneasy . The only reason I could think of for feeling that way was because of what Dr . Moore had said to me that last evening . I decided I had put it off long enough . It was time to see what was in the box . I carried the box into the kitchen and set in on the counter and then poured myself a cup of coffee . I open the box and removed the layer of books . Underneath I found a notebook , which was labeled DHS 77 . There were also three industrial videotapes . Not VHS tapes but three quarter inch tapes . I recognized the tapes because we used the three quarter inch videotapes at our agency . The final items in the box were two jars . One jar was filled with small gelatin capsules . The capsules looked like they were filled with an oily substance . There was a label on the jar that read ' Antidote for 77 . ' The second was a sealed canning jar which contained a clear liquid that had the consistency of liquid dish detergent . The label on that jar read ' DHS 77 . ' I never wanted Major Mitchell to use you in his tests but there was no one else that we could bring into the lab without identifying them as a test subject , which would have defeated the purpose of the test . I suppose I could have prevented what happened if I had just declared the project completed and turned the test results and the DHS 77 formula over to the CIA . While I felt terrible about what I allowed to happen , I felt it would have been much worse to give the CIA a tool that could be so easily abused . In the end the project was canceled and I was able to keep DHS 77 away from them . Now you have the only remaining DHS 77 and the antidote . You also have the only notes remaining from the project . Dr . Moore 's note disturbed me greatly . What could I have been involved in that I didn 't know about ? I was a test subject ? What did I do , or more importantly what was done to me ? I wanted to know what was on those videotapes but I didn 't have a video player for three quarter inch tape . I was going to have to borrow one from work . I couldn 't do that immediately so I went back to reading the notebook . What we hoped to accomplish here was to create a drug that could be used to put a subject into a deep hypnotic state ( DHS ) within a matter of seconds . While in the DHS , the subject would be programmed to perform certain tasks or provide requested information when given a key phrase command . The effects of the DHS programming had to last up to a year or more to prevent the need to constantly reprogramming the subject . That was all that was written on the first page . On the second page the date was written at the top of the page and under the date it said ' DHS Formula 77 . ' Below that was a chemical formula , which made no sense to me , followed by Dr . Moore 's notes on DHS 77 . " The new formula works . The programming done during DHS should last no less than a year and , for some subjects , it will last even longer . Major Mitchell wants to try another test . While he agrees with the results from the 20 test subjects we used , he feels we need to try it on someone that does not know they are part of a test . He feels that it may be possible that subjects that know they are part of a test may be easier to program because of their willingness to cooperate . I don 't agree with Major Mitchell . I feel that the tests we have already done are sufficient proof that DHS 77 works . That said , I have decided to allow Major Mitchell to run his tests because I am not ready to turn DHS 77 over to the CIA and let them run amuck with it . My only hope is that they will get tired of waiting for us to finish and kill the project . For the record , I am not happy with Major Mitchell 's choice of subjects but I understand his reason for the choice . " " Major Mitchell took the antidote for DHS 77 and , after waiting ten minutes for it to take affect , he took 5 grams of DHS 77 and applied it to the neck of the subject . The subject was only vaguely aware of what happened and was in DHS within five seconds . Major Mitchell then addressed the subject using the key phrase ' star kitten ' to activate the programming . I assumed we were done but Major Mitchell insisted the subject be tested over a longer period of time to make sure the programming held up . He also wanted to test for memory residue . That is he wanted to see if the subject had any memories of things that should have been erased . I strongly disapproved of Major Mitchell 's tactics , as I felt he was doing this for his own entertainment , but the test for residual memory became important . It turned out that although the subject had no memory of the previous test the subject was aware of missing time . It became apparent that if you erase a person 's memory of an event you had better replace it with some kind of memory . Fortunately , when the budget cutting started Major Mitchell was transferred back to the Pentagon . After that , I was able to convince the rest of the team that we should never release DHS 77 . So we sat on it until the project was shut down . I had to reread the last entry again . There was something there that caught my attention . Dr . Moore said that the subject of Major Mitchell 's test was aware of missing time . I had to think about that for a minute before it came to me . I remembered that there was a period of time when I thought I was suffering from some sort of mental blackouts . There were several mornings when I woke up and couldn 't remember anything from the night before . I remembered discussing my concerns with Brenda and she told me it was probably the stress of the job . That seemed like a good explanation then but now I wondered . Could it be possible that I was the unwitting subject of Major Mitchell 's tests ? Was I the subject that Dr . Moore didn 't want to use ? I still needed more information so I kept on reading . The rest of the notebook described how the DHS 77 was administered and how the programming was done . I scanned through it quickly and put it aside . |
About a month ago I took my two children for photos at a local photo studio . As it was a normal day for me and the two kids , after developing the photos for me and the grannys My eye saw something . I scanned the picture to my computer and this is What I saw . This is my babys angel and i 'm so priveledged to have my two kids and a wonderful husband in my life . you can decide for yourself what it is that you seeGod bless all of youlove My babys angels - True Guardian Angel Storiessubmitted by Mariska ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Thank you for sharing your Real Guardian Angel Storybright blessingsLila * angel - guide . com Angel from the stars - True Guardian Angel Story by Denise Jeapesfrom Somerset EnglandAngel Story ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ bt It was 2007 my boyfriend and i went to Wales for a weeks holiday . We were just driving from place to place . On this particular night we drove past this house and they had a room for the night so we booked it but din 't give her any money as she didn 't ask for any . We went to the local pub for something to eat we were quite late leaving . When we got to the house all the lights were off , and no one would answer the door . We decided we would have to sleep in the car . I was a bit scared it was so dark we were by a lake . I prayed for us to be kept safe . My boyfriend was standing out side the car and he told me to come and have a look at the sky when i got out of the car and looked up i was amazed it was like all the stars were right over the car , i said well i did ask for us to be kept safe . My prayers had been answered . 2 We live in a small village and on this day i decided to take my german shepherd for a walk to the river . Its a straight path to the river so you can seethe bridge . As i got closer i could see sheep but i couldn 't decide if they were on the bridge or in the field . Then i heard this voice say She 's going to get shot , i thought what ! I stood still and again the voice said She 's going to get shot . I took it as a warning and turned around and went back . 3 One morning i was going to work at 4 . 30am i had to drive up a slip road to get onto the bypass and a voice said deer i didn 't know why until i got to the bypass and there it was on the road . 4 I was driving home one day from work and on this road there 's a hill but on the brow of the hill theres a sharp turning left so you have to be careful of anyone pulling out . So this day i was just coming to the brow of the hill and a 4x4 was going straight across the road . I thought to myself i 'm dead . Then it was as if someone got hold of the steering wheel and swerved the car around the 4x4 , it definately wasn 't me driving , if i had have been driving it would have been a Click here to read or post comments Introduction to Our Father - Angel StoryI had been struggling with chronic pain for many years , sadly this begun in my early 20 's as I am 29 years old now . I would pray to God frequently for Jesus to bless me with the Holy Spirit , and many years before I realized I could speak with Angels I went through a religious awakening . I believe my acceptance of Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior helped me to realize that Angels are everywhere and are ready to talk to us when we reach a certain spiritual realization . Now , please realize this isn 't a story of guardian Angels in a conventional sense , e . g . miraculously surviving a car crash or something . My story is the realization that I 've got Angels all around me at this point in my life and I may speak with them at will . Since I have been listening to the Angels or more specifically , actually qouting the Angels , " Trust your Angels ! " , many miraculous things have been happening in my life . I am really giving you a brief synopsis here of my story , i could go on for pages , and I 'm considering writing a book about my experiences perhaps . The main point I am trying to convey here is that Angels ARE real ! As we go through the process of redemption and forgiveness we become more aware of Angels and we start to realize that they have always been helping us , but we can make our lives so much more beautiful in every way if we start listening to and trusting our Angels . I have found direction in my life finally , have discovered my true purpose on this earth , and have found true love that is far beyond anything I 've experienced in my wildest dreams ! This is all thanks to the fact that I can now hear and trust my Angels . I hope this helps people to realize this amazing truth which I have been speaking about to bring peace , happiness and fulfillment like you 've never imagined could exist so brilliantly in your lives . I LOVE YOU ANGELS ! Introduction to Our Father - Angel Story Highway 5 Angela - Real Guardian Angel StoryMy husband had to work and wasn 't able to make the trip down south to visit my son and Grandson . My girlfriend and I went ahead and decided to go ourselves . . . . she held my son at birth as I did her children . We had both worked that day and had decided to stay on this side of Grapevine which is about 3 + hours from home . As we were within 1 / 2 hour from the hotel I could hardly keep my eyes open and didn 't want to bother my friend of 40 years to drive , because I am an idiot ! As we got closer it was harder for me because I was so tired and realized I was falling asleep . All of a sudden a highway patrol car came on the freeway and started to cross over all lanes of traffic , right in front of me ! We didn 't see anything up ahead as to why he did this . . . I was in the fast lane and automatically worked my way over to the slow lane and noticed that we were at our hotel off ramp . First of all , I would have missed the turn off and the next point that I would be able turn around would have been way up the Grapevine , Second , we would never have made that turn around because we would have crashed well before that . . . I could not hold my head up and because of my stupidity I could have killed both of us . God has sent me many messengers over the years and has provided signs of answers that always amaze me but this one was a message that we are not done yet and needed to remain on earth . People are drawn to me and share things with me that they say they have never told anyone . God created me to have compassion , understanding an an ability to not judge because sometimes you can do more for someone by listening . When I hug they think they are getting so much from me and don 't realize that I receive the same from them . I love our Guardian Angels and the man upstairs ! ! ! ! Highway 5 Angela - Real Guardian Angel Storysubmitted by Janet ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ thank you for sharing your Real Guardian Angel Storybright blessingsLila * angel - guide . com Click here to read or post comments The Hospital Visitor - Real Guardian Angel StoriesA year before I gave birth to my son , I had to be be rushed to the hospital to remove an ectopic pregnancy . It was new years eve evening 2008 and I was the only person in the room waiting to be wheeled away to the surgical room . My husband and daughter were with my parents and not in the room at the time because children were not allowed in the room . During my wait , a man dressed in black clothing who looked like a priest , casually came to my bed and reviewed my chart in silence . He said nothing , put the chart away and stood by my bed looking at me . I got a little nervous because he did not look like any of the other nurses around , in fact , he looked a bit like a priest , was short and dark complected . I gave a half - hearted nervous smile and then he quickly walked away from my bed . I thought that was a strange behavior but didn 't dwell on it . About 30 minutes later , my gynecologist / obgyn came in the room to visit and tell me about the upcoming procedure . She also introduced me to the anesthesiologist who joked with me a bit . As they left the room to prepare for the surgery , the attending nurse came over to my bed and asked if the man who came to visit me was my husband . I had not remembered the man in black for some strange reason ( until later ) and said , " What man ? My husband cannot be here because he is taking care of my little daughter . " She looked at me in disbelief and did not proceed to ask any more questions . I was then wheeled into the surgical room and in the room I saw the man in black standing among the nurses , my doctor and anesthesiologist . I then drifted away to dreamland as the procedure took place . After the surgery I came back to my private room and was told I would not be able to eat until after the anesthesia wore off . I ademently requested a meal because I was starving . I had no issues after eating . I prayed in my room to God for Him to please bring me back to that hospital the following year but for different circumstances ( to have a child ) . I wClick here to post comments The calling - True Guardian Angel Storyby Dottie Travis , from Holden , MaineAnge Story ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ I told you the story about my abuse and the guardian angel i have , Now let me tell you How i intend on repaying my beautiful sweet guardian angel for what he has done . i wrote this last night because it weighs heavy on my heart : I know what my calling is its to take care of you ♥ dale jr ♥♥ I feel the presence of the man upstairs pushing me to care for you . . . for what you did for me while i laid healing after severe domestic abuse . God has placed this on my heart , Its the only way i can ever . . . pay you back . is to take care of you . . in any way i can . . people may laugh at me or down me , but they laughed at the man upstairs too . I dont fear the ridicule nothing can hurt as bad as Domestic abuse i suffered . . I just know for some reason i have that calling and it is to take care of you . . . I bow to you dear lord above what ever you say I will do . the missing necklace - True Guardian Angel StoryAngel Story ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ with all the cold nights I decided to read true angel stories , feeling bad that I thought I lost my favorite necklace that my grandchildren gave me for xmas . I called where I went that day , no one found it , tracked my steps from the car , nothing , wishing and hoping to my guardian angel I would find it and as I was reading the angel stories , my necklace dropped down from my collar of my turtleneck ! It had gotten stuck under the collar part . I was so happy , I am sure it was my guarding angel helping methe missing necklace - True Guardian Angel Story ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Thanks you for sharing your Real Guardian Angel encounterbright blessingsLila * My guardian angel - Real Guardian Angel Storyby Leah , UkAngel Story ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ I had an accident a few years back and it happened in a cable car in the mountains , Our cabled car broke down and I was scared for my life , I prayed to heaven and god to help us , I went to the window and before I knew it I fell back and passed out . When I looked out the window , I swear I saw a bright light underneath the cable car . When I was out , I saw the same light , it was too bright to see clearly , but I caught some details , it was a man 's figure and black hair . That 's all I got . When I woke up at the lodge , I was in my room , I grabbed the jacket I wore in the cable car and dug in my pockets , in it was an angel charm . I went to my friends and asked if they bought it for me , they said no . I asked my sister who believed that if you place something in a victims pocket , that had holy meaning they 'll awake , she said no . I wear it on a silver chain ever since . I still see the angel if I wear it to bed . Was it a gift from my guardian angel , and was it my guardian angel underneath the cable car ? I believe in angels now and is a believer . My guardian angel - Real Guardian Angel Storythank you for submitting your true guardian angel storybright blessingsLila * angel - guide . com Angel guidance - Real Guardian Angel StoryI own a therapeutic spa and I 've always believed that my spa is surrounded by angels , in fact I have statues of angels everywhere and I give small glass angel statues for those who are very ill . A client of mine told me how she was guided here . Every day she would drive by and tell herself " one day I 'll go visit that place . " One afternoon she was diving by and she looked towards the spa like she always did and this time she saw two large angels sitting on each end of my sign . She told me that on this day she had to come and visit and she knew she would find the help she 's been looking and longing for . Lover of angels Simone Angel guidance - Real Guardian Angel Story ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Thank you for sharing your True Guardian Angel Storybright blessingsLila * angel - guide . com Click here to post comments Life Saving - True Guardian Angel Story by Angelica from IrelandI was in bed and I felt a dark presense which made me feel very uncomfortable . I was jsut trying to fall asleep but I Felt two hands grab my neck and started choking me and tried to take things further . . . . . yet there was nobody in the room but me ! I asked that the angels helped me as the grip was getting tighter . the minute that I asked for help the presense was gone and I felt comfortable and safe . that was one of my experiences . . . . Life Saving - True Guardian Angel Story by Angelica from Irelandthank you for submitting your true guardian angel storybright blessingsLila * angel - guide . com I was accosted by my Ex again . He Punched me hard in the stomach luckily he didnt damage anythign but my guardian angel was there i felt his spirit right there with me . over to the hospital and home and literally all Night . I love that man with all my heart . He has helped me before and i believe he was given to me for a reason My hero ~ My Guardian Angel . Click here to post comments Angel of Death - True Guardian Angel Storyby Ciel Phantomhivefrom London , United KingdomAngel Story ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ A few years ago , a mother and father decided they needed a break , so they wanted to head out for a night on the town . They called their most trusted babysitter . When the babysitter arrived , the two children were already fast asleep in bed . So the babysitter just got to sit around and make sure everything was okay with the children . Later that night , the babysitter got bored and went to watch TV , but she couldn 't watch it downstairs because they did not have cable downstairs ( the parents didn 't want children watching too much garbage ) . So , she called them and asked them if she could watch cable in the parent 's room . Of course , the parents said it was ok , but the babysitter had one final request … she asked if she could cover up the angel statue outside the bedroom window with a blanket or cloth , at the very least close the blinds , because it made her nervous . The phone line was silent for a moment , and the father who was talking to the babysitter at the time said , " Take the children and get out of the house … we will call the police . We do not have an angel statue . " The police found all three of the house occupants dead within three minutes of the call . No angel statue was ever found . hope - a True Guardian Angel StoryBy Lisa , Corkmarried to a heroine addict , one day i felt i couldnt cope anymore and wondered if i should cut my losses , as he stole from our children , and he thought by fooling everybody in to thinking he was clean he cud carry on using . i said 2 a friend i might leave and let him die as i could ' nt see light at the end of the tunnel . no sooner were the words out of my mouth a pure white feather appeared right in front of me and floated to d ground . . . . i didnt pick it up . but i said to my friend . there 's my sign right there . my sign of hope ! now although he 's in prison but clean as a whistle , and i miss him like i would a limb . i know i did d right thing ! and im praying to both our angels to bring us back home 2gether so we can make up 4 d lessons we both learned a very hard way : ) hope - a True Guardian Angel Storysubmitted by Lisa from CorkThanks you for sharing your Real Guardian Angel encounterbright blessingsLila * angel - guide . com Kissed By An Angel - True Guardian Angel Storysubmitted by Savannah EllisAlpherettaI found this website when i was bored one day when i was looking for true angel story 's . I 've always loved angels like my friend Lindsey always loved fairies . My experience happened to me around 1 / 15 / 11 ( sorry i cant remember the exact date ) . My name is Savannah , I 'm 13 , and here 's my story of when i had been kissed by an angel : . . . : I woke up one morning for school and my throat hurt , but i kept it to myself and just went on with my day . The next morning it got worse and i started to loose my voice , but then again i was stupid enough to keep it to myself . The morning after that i finally complained about it to my mother and she told me just to go to school and deal with it because she thought it wasn 't that bad . after school i came home and she looked at my throat that night ( my mom is a nurse btw ) . She said it didn 't look good but sent me to school the next day anyways because i had missed too much of school but if it got too bad i could go to the clinic and she could pick me up . After school i got off the bus and got in her car and started crying because it hurt like living hell . That night i lied on the couch and she took my temperature and it was somewhere around 102 . 8 degrees Fahrenheit . She let me lie there and my dad put on a movie for us so i could relax and rest . Ironically that movie had angels in it ( it was the movie Constantine . great movie btw ! ! ) so about halfway through the movie i could feel my breathing getting thinner and thinner . i felt my head was so hot , it was hotter than boiling water , yet i was SO cold . i couldn 't stop shaking , no matter how many blankets i had on . I rolled onto my back and stared at the ceiling . I could feel my throat getting more swollen my the minute and it became very hard to breathe and i kept coughing . I actually thought to myself that this was it . that i was going to die . My eyes always go out of focus when i stare at something for too long or if i go into a trance , they have since i caClick here to post comments My first Angel reading * - True Angel Encounter StoryI had gone to a psychic fair in my local town centre in the civic hall . I had gone with my mother too and we had been looking around for a while . I had seen lots of FAB things like crystals and books . There were plenty of mediums and psychic 's there as you can imagine . I looked around the room from the back and i couldn 't see them with my eye 's but with my third eye i saw many spirits and angels . I had looked around and i was allowed one reading or a few things , so i choose to have my first reading . I had seen a tarot lady i felt very drawn to but also i saw a lady who did angel readings . Her energy was calm and more relaxed and seemed suitable for me , so i sat and had my reading . I was told many things , such as i am a star child , and have been born on this earth to do what she was doing now . And she gave me little pieces of information i had wanted to hear . Then all of a sudden , there was this warm sensation along my arms and back . It was so peaceful and calming and relaxing . Then as this was going on she said ' there is an angel hugging you now saying he is our 's and works for us . ' It then faded away and she said there are angels dancing all around me , so happy that i have taken on this role in life so soon . I was very happy all day and wouldn 't stop smiling . I may not have mentioned that i am now in 2010 ' 15 ' years old . I have had many paranormal happenings in my life already and can not wait until i help the rest of the world . May your ANGELS be with you all ways * * * My first Angel reading * - True Angel Encounter Story ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Thank you for sharing your True Guardian Angel Storybright blessingsLila * angel - guide . com one last time - True Guardian Angel Storysubmitted by Susan PeakeTrue Angel Story ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ A few years ago my father - in - law had passed but before we actually got the news , he told me himself . I woke i the middle of the night to the sound of distant music . like a childs piano . and a bright light streaming in through the doorway . As the music grew louder the light grew brighter and brighter his shape appeared in the light in the doorway . I was never affraid in fact I instantly realized who it was and what had happened to him . He hugged me and held me as I began to cry . He comforted me . Then he took my hand and led me through the light , we began flying very fast . He showed me many things like war , fire , devestation and many many people and children suffering and starving and dieing all around me . He told me this dosent have to happen . If people have faith in God and love and compassion for eachother . He then returned me to my room . We hugged and I thanked him for everything . He said to take good care of his son ( my husband ) and our disabled little girl . The next morning I told my husband that his father had passed , he asked how I knew this , As I told him about his dad 's visit the phone rang . It was his mom with the news of his dad 's passing . one last time - True Guardian Angel Storysubmitted by Susan Peake A desperate plea to my guardian angel - Real Guardian Angel StoriesFrom such a young age I have always seen spirits . Well I was in my late 20 's and was so worried that all the voices and messages I received and all the spirits I seen were not real but in my head because of other people 's comments when I trusted them with all that had happened in my life and all the messages I recieved all came true . So this one particular night I was so upset and I was crying and I begged my guardian angel to let me see them to prove to me once and for all I was not mad and that if i saw them I would never question my sanity again and know that I had indeed been blessed with a gift . Well later that night I woke and then when I looked towards the end of my bed I saw the most beautiful angel all dressed in white with long red hair and she had the most beautiful wings I had ever seen she looked at me and smiled her wings were open and she blew me a kiss then she slowly started to rise up slowly up to the ceiling as she faded away . . . . . . Angels are so real and we are so blessed to have them share in our lives . A desperate plea to my guardian angel - Real Guardian Angel Storiessubmitted by Sandra ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Thank you for submitting your real angel storiesbright blessingsLila * angel - guide . com A friendly angel - True Guardian Angel Storyby CarinaOne day I was bullied when I was 13 and I was crying and feeling really bad when I saw a indent on my bed it was like someone was sitting across from me . I all the sudden said who are you , then in my head I saw the name violet and then I just felt like I had someone to talk to so I vented . Then my phone rang and it was the bully . . . . it turned out her friends made her be mean so I forgave her and we became good friends and she told her old friends goodbye so everytime I feel down i talk to violet and I sometimes feel a hand on my back ! Violet your a great friend and a better listener ! ! ! ! A Real Guardian Angel Story Thanks you for submitting your angel story bright blessingsLila * angel - guide . com When i was little - True Guardian Angel Story When i was little - True Guardian Angel Story When i was just born my heart wasn 't beating right so my dad has told me this story that these ladies come in as " candystripers " ? volunteers and he said that she asked him and my mom to hold me when she did she said a prayer to me and my dad described her as her having bright blue eyes and said she glowed . Once they were checking out of the hospital they told the workers at the front desk to tell Kathlene ( that was her name ) thanks . They looked at them and said . . . There is no one by that name that works here . My dad tells me it 's my guardian angel . . I think it 's really odd . When i was little - True Guardian Angel Story submitted by anonymous ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Thank you for submitting our True Guardian Angel Storybright blessingsLila * angel - guide . com I heard them singing loud in my ears . . . A True Angel Storyby Helena Gillfrom Hobart , TasmaniaAngel Story ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Last week at work , December 26 , 2010 , I was working with a co worker . My daughter was going to pray to the Angels and before this had happened , I could hear Angels singing ' Alleluiah ' in my ears and they were louder than my co worker talking to me . Eventually , I told her what was happening and I don 't know why and then started to sing it to me along with our Angels . I couldn 't believe it . Then she said to me that she hoped that the Angels loved her and I replied with so much love . . . ' They love you , they really do , because your a good person and they love that your helping them to look after the Elderly . She smiled back at me and then an hour later , the singing had stopped . I think they were letting me know that my daughter was getting prepared to pray to them . I heard them singing loud in my ears . . . A True Angel Storyby Helena Gillfrom Hobart , Tasmania ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Thanks you for sharing your Real Guardian Angel encounterbright blessingsLila * Angels in the Field - True Guardian Angel StoriesWhen I was in high school , I had a friend , Jeremy , who had a four wheeler and forty acres of land to use it on . One day Jeremy , Chris ( another friend of ours ) and I were taking turns riding the four wheeler around a course we had set up . We were timing each other to see who could make it around the course the fastest . It was a pretty , warm day outside so we did this for an extended amount of time and became somewhat competitive about it . The course went down over a hill and back up the hill , which had a large terrace across it . The course took anywhere from 3 . 5 to 5 minutes for us to do . Jeremy was the fastest because he had practiced on his own a lot . On one of the trips around the course , Chris and I were talking and did not realise an extended amount of time had gone by and Jeremy had not returned . We became worried that something may have happened and began walking the course backwards . About half way down the hill , we spotted the four wheeler upside down near the terrace . Jeremy was laying on the ground and appeared to be unconscious . There were three older men standing around him . As we approached , one of the men helped Jeremy to his feet and was talking to him . I asked Jeremy what had happened . He told me he was not sure what had gone on . He said he was trying to beat his time last he knew and awoke to the old man helping him up . I thanked the old men for helping our friend . They told me it was a good thing they were looking down on him when this happened . I agreed with them and thanked them again . Chris and I loaded Jeremy onto the rack of the four wheeler after turning it back over . We all rode the four wheeler back through the field to take Jeremy to his house to get his wits back to him . As we were driving away it dawned on us that the old men looked familiar . One of them had a shovel with him and resembled a man in the community we all called Uncle Phil . One of the other men resembled another man from the community with the third being unknown . As we werClick here to post comments Comfort - True Guardian Angel Storyby Kat from AustraliaAngel Story ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' When I was 10 years old , I got angry at my parents for being mean . I ran to the bathroom and locked myself in there and sobbed in the corner . Suddenly I felt a wave of comfort and a voice in my head told me that everything 's going to be okay , it was a soft voice that left me tingling . Soon , my mum came in and apologised , a few days later I was searching up angels and found this website , I read what angels were and soon realised that the voice in my head was a guardian angel . He \ She also gave me dreams that told me what was going to happen . I wonder if one day I 'll see her \ him . . . Comfort - True Guardian Angel Storyby Kat from Australia ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Thanks you for sharing your Real Guardian Angel encounterbright blessingsLila * ANGEL TO THE HOMELESS - True Angel StoryWe have no children , So this Christmas my husband and I hit the store sales and shopped for Toys and distributed to people whom had kids and were homesless or low income . To see the parents faces was enough to know , their kids faces . It was very satisfying to Us and I truly felt as they were kids of our own . This Christmas was filled with Joy of giving to others . I work for a Church in Santa Ana , I never thought I would have ever done this . I am so happy to have been an Angel to some and hope in the years to come , I would have more resources to make it a possibility for many . It 's all about L - O - V - E . ANGEL TO THE HOMELESS - True Angel Story ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Thank you for sharing your Earth Angel Storybright blessingsLila * angel - guide . com Oncoming - True Guardian Angel storiesIt 's 11 : 48 p . m . , and I still can 't fall asleep . I feel that , if I don 't write this , I 'll stay up until my alarm rings at 6 : 15 . Six hours ago , I got off my bus and was preparing to walk across one of the busiest streets in my city . Seeing as how daylight savings time has made the night dark by that time , and the only light source on that particular sidewalk was from a stoplight thirty yards to the left , I didn 't see the car . I was already in a rush to get home ; I 'd just spent thirty minutes standing in 35 ° weather at my bus stop , I was tired after a long school day ( I 'm a high school student ) , and I carried a 20 - pound backpack , as well as a Geometry text book . I waited for the first two cars ( that I could see ) go by , before pausing at a car about 70 yards away . I thought I 'd be able to run across in time . So , I jumped off the curb , and started running . And , with me running as fast as I could with a heavy backpack , not 15 feet away , was a car . I hadn 't been able to see it because of a few parked cars , and the darkness . All of this happened in less than two seconds . I could feel adrenaline start pumping and the sinking pit in my stomach . " Oh my God , " I thought . . . " I 'm gonna die at 14 . . . " My feet were still running , my eyes trained at the oncoming car , when . . . I stopped . I jerked to a halt at the edge of the car 's path . Then , I stepped back , almost in a daze . The fact that I 'd been able to sense the car , and know to stop was , in itself , a miracle . At 5 : 30 p . m . on a Tuesday , I can 't even divide 20 by 5 . But that was no miracle . I 'm not really a Christian . . . I 've thought about Angels and God deeply , but I don 't go to church . My family doesn 't say Grace at the dinner table , and I 've never had a confession . But , tonight may have changed everything . I didn 't STEP back , I was PULLED . And when I stopped , it was a jerk , like somebody had grabbed onto my backpack and YANKED . Also , tonight I have a strange , tingling feeling in my upper arms , shoulders , and collar bone , the places that would Click here to read or post comments Christmas Angel - True Guardian Angel StoriesHi my name is Nafessa I am 31 years old I will be 32 on December 25th Christmas Day . Well one year when I was 6 years old back when I lived in Salisbury , North Carolina it was me my mom , dad , and sister driving in the car and it was Chrismas time , so downtown Salisbury was lit up with Christmas lights and it was very pretty . As we were driving by this church I saw it had a nativity scene in front of the church , but what I really noticed was what was on top of the church and that was a big Angel And I was yelling to my parents to look at the big Angel on top of the church and they were like yeah Fessa thats nice and I couldn 't figure out why they weren 't surprised like I was . And it wasn 't till later down the road that I began to realize that what I had just seen was a real angel . The reason I say that is because it was too big to be a human in an angel suit and the wings were very big and and they were flapping in the wind as it knelt on its knees to look down at the nativity scene in front of the church . I have always remembered that night as if it were yesterday . I just recently asked my mom did she remember when I said that I saw an Angel that night in Salisbury and she said yes , however she said there was nothing on top of the church but she new that I had seen something the way I was causing such a commotion in the back seat about an Angel on the top of that church . I live in Polk County Florida now and I have had 2 sightings of Angels since I 've been here but none will ever compare to that night in Salisbury , North Carolina . I believe you have to be open to want to experience things as wonderful as angels and other phenomenals that are happening on this earth , I thank god for my experience it will stay with me for the rest of my life . Thanks for reading my story . Christmas Angel - True Guardian Angel Storiessubmitted by Nafessa M ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Thank you for submitting your Real Guardian angel Storybright blessingsLila * angel - guide . com Strange feelings - Angel Feathers - a real Guardian Angel StoryHave you ever felt someone watching you ? Maybe even right behind you sending chills up your spine ? This is my experience . Tell me what you think . Everytime I leave for school I always look back at my house . Maybe to give protection ? What do you think ? A bad habit or my guardian angel telling me to look back giving all my love and care . Protection . . . Angel feather - True Guardian Angel StoryI found a yellow beautiful feather yesterday , on December 15 , 2010 . It was in my book . I read this book 3 days ( Monday , Wednesday and Friday ) a week . There are just 10 or 15 pages left unread . And I found the feather in the pages which I have already read . This feather just couldn 't be there . I keep this book in the office . There can 't be a feather , such a beautiful yellow feather in the office . I don 't have anything with such feather at home either . And also nobody could put it into the book . I 'm in my very bad times now . I 'm very hurt and need to do something bad to the man who hurt me for relieving my heart . There 's only one thing in my head these days . Revenge . And now I found this feather . I just need to know what is it ? Is it really an angel 's feather ? If yes , why ? Why he put it into my book for me to find ? What does he want to say ? And why he wanted me to feel his presence ? Am I so important someone ? Angel feather - True Guardian Angel Story How I Met My Guardian Angel - True Guardian Angel StoryThis particular story takes place over several different time periods in my life . Since I was young , I always felt like I had someone watching over me . I couldn 't quite explain it . When I was 3 , I fell down a flight of concrete stairs and cut the left side of my cheek on the furnace below . Yet , the only injury I sustained was from the cut . I should have had many others such as bruising from the fall but there wasn 't . That was the first strange moment . The second strange moment occurred when I was 12 , and I felt a very sinister , very demonic presence near me . I looked in the corner of the living room and saw it staring at me . In an instant I freaked out and panicked . I felt something embrace me after I had a chance to calm down , something other than my mother . I looked at the wall in where I saw the demon the next day , and noticed a gash that wasn 't there before . The final one occurred when I was 14 . I was suffering quite a bit with an illness that robbed me of many years of my teenage life . I was angry , frustrated , and depressed . One day I very intensely ranted in my basement to the point were I collapsed in tears . Suddenly , I felt something drop on the top of my head . It was small , like as if the size of a tear drop . There was no leaky pipes in this basement , no condensation building up and dripping down either . I honestly didn 't know how to explain it . Then , in December of 2008 , I was chatting with my friends who were very much in tune with the other plane that we call the " ethereal " . We were talking about Guardians . They told me not everyone 's Guardian is an Angel , but asked me if I wanted to meet my Guardian . The one who had been protecting me all these years . I agreed and wouldn 't you know it , my Guardian just happened to be an Angel . Until this day I was under the belief that Angels were genderless , and were more androgynous like what they say in Church . This was very much not the case . This Angel was with out a doubt female . Her bright platinum blonde hair , Click here to post comments Do you read your daily horoscope to connected with the angelic realms ? Or do you prefer do have your own tarot reading to see what kind of alignments the heavens have in store ? Both in meditation and prayer angel blessing cards , tarot cards and indeed prayer books it can be useful to include free readings with your own handmade angel cards as part of your daily meditation practice , to quieten the mind enough to feel the peace within , open our hearts and listen to the angels whispers their daily guidance . . just believe in angels and trust your heart . |
Today is the last day of February - and the year is zipping on by . Not a great deal happened today , and it was Jason 's first full day at the house , away from the hospital . About the only real thing of notoriety that happened was that the railing we were to have installed on his bed , did show up . Of course , it wasn 't what we had expected , and after the technician showed it to us we realized it wasn 't going to work . The other problem with it was that not all the pieces were there . I discussed the issue with the tech , and he said he would bring another piece of equipment , that he felt would better support the needs , and take the rail system back to his shop . A few minor problems with the wound vacs , but in general they are working as they should be . When we go into the hospital on Monday I will be talking with the doctors to see what they have to say about how effective they have , or have not , been . The rain has been coming down pretty good , and we 're all glad that it is here , that is except for Gracie . First time she had to go outside she was reluctant to go , but then nature took over and she HAD to get outside . Tomorrow should be another relaxed day , and we 'll be taking care of some chores around the house . Linda has been going through a bunch of stuff and getting things better organized , and I am very appreciative of that . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Turned into a great day , despite the rain . . . well , on the other hand maybe the rain just made it that much better ( we need more rain ) . Linda and I woke up in the house with no one else there , except for Gracie the dog . It kind of felt strange , though I had thought about it before going to bed the previous evening . We were able to sleep in until nearly 08 : 00 , though we didn 't get to bed until way after midnight . I fixed a quick breakfast and then headed off to go see Jason . Linda stayed back to work on the house , to make sure everything , or as much as possible , was ready for Jason 's arrival . When I got to Jason 's room he was resting and waiting to hear what was going on . We had been told the night before , that we were to be leaving today so we expected to be leaving . After talking with the doctors and nurses , and going over a few medical exercises Jason and I were finally told that , yes , in fact Jason would be leaving the hospital . Of course the time still wasn 't solidly set , but it would be around 14 : 00 ( 2pm ) , and it was now just after noon . A few of the folks in the hospital came by , for a nice visit , and there were also a few " classes " where I was being instructed on what I would be doing , over these next six weeks . I am now giving Jason his lovenox shots , as well as his testosterone shot . I still have a small wound dressing to take care of , and now the wound vacuums to monitor . He needs to remain on his left side as much as possible , and can be on his back for up to 45 minutes a day , broken into 15 minute segments . These are actually relatively minor , considering the benefits of what has happened , for Jason . Jason will also be going back into the hospital , on a weekly basis , with his first return to happen on Monday . Jason 's transportation is going to be an ambulance , and they are already scheduled to come pick him up on next Monday . He will be going back into the hospital at least once a week , and maybe more , as the days go on . How often he goes in is dependent on the progress of his healing . Tomorrow should be a very nice and productive day , and the beginning of a new cycle for Jason . Thank you , for all your continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . It has been a long day and Jason is still in the hospital - though it looks like he will be coming home tomorrow . The hold up is a single piece of equipment that they are having some difficulties in acquiring . It has a specific purpose , primarily the purpose of keeping Jason safe and secure on the bed . If he were to slip and fall off the bed he could be critically injured right now . I spoke with the doctor and we have come up with an agreed upon plan where the railing won 't be required , though it would still be preferred . Linda and I did get a chance to go visit some property , where Jason might have a home built for him . We are working with the Gary Sinise Foundation , and they have committed to building him a home that he will be able to not only get around in comfortably ; he will be able to do just about anything he would want too . There is still much to do , and no building has begun , but it does seem very promising . As I said , Jason is supposed to be coming home tomorrow and it is getting late , so I need to get some sleep . Thank you , for all the continued prayers and support . Take care and stay positive . Today started out a little better than yesterday , and we were able to get Stacy off to school at almost exactly 08 : 00 . While I walked Stacy to school , Linda stayed back and helped Jackie to get ready , and when I returned we all headed off for Jackie 's stay with the Child Development Center ( CDC ) at Balboa . Maybe that is one of the blessings of being with the girls , and getting the opportunity to see , again , just what it is like to watch children grow , only in this case our granddaughters . We went up to visit with Jason , for a little while , and while we were there we spoke with a few people , trying to figure out just what was going on with his case manager being out . After a few conversations , and going over to see an old friend at C5 , we were able to get a few things cleared up . I even made sure there was a good focus on Jason 's dressing change , as it seemed like it could have been done better . Later in the day I did get the chance to speak with his doctor , and he said that there was no medical reason that Jason couldn 't go home , and that about the only thing holding it up was knowing that the environment at the house was ready for him . It looks like we will have everything together tomorrow , and then Jason will be home . This will be a big plus for him , as well as us . He will be able to relax better , and we won 't be spending the precious time , traveling back and forth to and from the hospital ( seems like each time we go there is some type of problem on the freeway and we get delayed , one direction or the other ) . I let Linda stay back at the house , since her leg was bothering her a bit and I didn 't want to aggravate it . I went to pick up Stacy first and then over to get Jackie . Once they were with me we headed over to visit with Jason . It seems they are staying up on his meds and he is feeling more comfortable . There are still some challenges with his wound dressings , but that will get better , as we go along . My feeling is that Jason will benefit from this surgery , and all these recovery challenges will be worth it . Thank you , for all the continued prayers , and take care and stay positive . We had to get moving kind of early today , not because of Jason 's schedule , but because Stacy needed to get over to the school , so she could be " tested " for going into Kindergarten . All of those who work with her say she is ready , and the testing is just a formality . None - the - less , Stacy was a little excited and nervous about going and asked Grandma ( Linda ) to go with her . Fortunately , the other teachers jumped in quickly on this one and let Stacy know that she would have to go in for the testing on her own . No results from the testing when we picked her up today , and like everyone else , I 'm really not too concerned about how she did , as I am confident she scored well . We also took Jackie to her pre - school and then went over to see Jason . He was doing much better and you can really tell that the meds he is working with are getting him to a nice balance , again , and he is able to relax a bit . The biggest challenge is that his position keeps him on his left side for most of the day ( like about 95 % or a little more ) . Jason was able to get in touch with his new Realtor , out in North Carolina , about getting rid of his house out there . Apparently the previous one was taking his money and only doing a halfhearted effort of getting repairs in place , and the house really needs to get a few things done . Because it is being done at a long distance , there is difficulty in really knowing what is going on , since he hasn 't been there is a few years . Many of the people he knew back there are now gone , so it isn 't like the same situation as Linda and I have back in Livermore . I am so glad to have friends who are willing to go way out of their way to help , Linda and I would probably go nuts trying to get things done otherwise . We went in this evening , to visit with Jason and he was still doing okay , though he was having a bit of a pain issue . He called for more pain meds , and for whatever reason the nurses were slow to respond . I went out and talked to the them and it looked like they were acting on the request . I say it that way because Linda and I were leaving with the girls when I went out , and needed to get them back home . We were not able to stay around to find out how well it worked . Then , on the other hand , Jason didn 't call to tell me that they were still not getting the pain meds to him . Tomorrow should be a better day , and I hope we are able to get more done , overall . Thank you , for all the continued prayers and support . Take care and stay positive . Nice day today , with an easy start . I was able to get in a little exercise and then came back to the house to help Linda with the girls , and breakfast . Only Stacy and I , along with Gracie , went to see Jason this morning , and one of the first things I did was to check on the dressing change that was to have been done . The doctor had made the change and looks like he did a pretty good job . The big thing with this is that I won 't worry about it too much , from here on out . Jason was in pretty good spirits , even though there was a nurse there attempting to put in a new I . V . line . He can only have an I . V . line for a couple of days , and then it has to be changed . Since he didn 't get a pick line ( a longer term solution for this ) this is what will have to be done until he is back to the house . It as determined that attempting a pick line would be difficult since there is too much scar tissue in his existing veins . Stacy and I stayed for a little over a half hour and then headed back to the house . Our intention was to come back in the late afternoon or early evening , and bring more of the family this time . As it turned out , Jackie did come with us the second visit , and Linda stayed back . She isn 't feeling well , and didn 't want to subject Jason to needless germs and stuff . Linda is beginning to feel better , so we 're hoping it is more of a 24 bug or something like that . Anyway , When we saw Jason the second time ( later in the day ) he was noticeably better and , ( using his words ) he thinks that his system has regained a balance that had been disrupted by the surgery . He went for more than 12 hours without some of his medication , and he isn 't supposed to miss any of it . Two things out of this . . . 1 ) we know we don 't want to miss any of his meds again , especially for that long of a period ; and , 2 ) he can tolerate missing some of his meds , though it does get quite uncomfortable . Stacy and Jackie were having a good time at this later visit , and the three of them had a good conversation , better than I 'd seen in several days . Gracie kept coming over to make sure Jason was there and I think that made Jason feel almost as good as seeing the girls . Jason was eating his dinner , and we stayed for the duration of that , so that we left at about an hour later , and came back to the house . Actually we left the hospital and went to the grocery store to pick up some Milk . Tomorrow is an attempt at getting a little closer to a regular Monday schedule , though school lets out early tomorrow for some reason ( teacher work day , or something like that ) . We should have a much better feel for when Jason will be coming home , once we see the doctors tomorrow . My guess is that he will be back here on Thursday , at the latest . Thank you all , for all the continued prayers , and support . Take care and stay positive . This morning was a little different , in that we got up and I went to the gym . Actually , I didn 't get much of a workout , and only spent some time on a treadmill . Still it felt good to do something a little different and to burn a bunch of calories ( 600 isn 't a lot , but it still felt good ) . When I came back we all got ready to head over to see Jason , though breakfast was first . We got over to the hospital , and Jason was being looked at by the doctor and one of the nurses . They were looking at his wounds and apparently Jason had told them that they needed to us the Hydrophera Blue pads , that we have been using for the past year and a half , and the doctor wasn 't familiar with them . Actually , Jason had called me and asked me to bring some , so I did . The timing of our arrival was just about spot on , so it all worked out . I explained to the doctor , and the nurse , how the pads worked and how to trim them to the size needed , and everything worked out . I helped a bit , with the placement , and soon , Jason was back the way he wanted to be , and could once again receive visitors . . . Stacy and Jackie wanted to see their daddy ( as did Linda want to see her son ) . Funny thing , though , was that Bob Hamer happened to come by while all this was going on , and he stayed until it was over , so that he could also visit with Jason . It was very nice to see Bob and visit and catch up . He left us a copy of the latest of Oliver North 's books , HomeFront , and I 've already begun reading it . Bob was a collaborator on this one , so his name is on the cover as well . So far , from what I 've read , I 'd have to say that I think you should consider getting a copy , as it helps to bring to awareness , just what some of these guys are going through , as well as their families . Tim Kirk also came by , though later in the day , and he stayed for a good while also . Actually , Linda and I left , with the girls to go back home , and Tim remained to visit a little longer . I was happy to see this , as I think Jason enjoys getting visitors . He is progressing as well as could be expected , and with each day we will be seeing more progress . We don 't have a date for when he will be back home , though I am guessing it will be probably Tuesday or Wednesday . Thank you , for all the continued prayers , and please continue to pray for him . Take care and stay positive . Today was different , as we got up , Linda and I , and the house was quiet . I went down and Gracie was doing okay , though she wanted to get out side . Linda and I got ready and were soon on our way over to the hospital . Shortly after getting there I went to pick up David and Dylan , at the train station . They rode the train down from Los Angeles , and it was an exciting time for Dylan . He was excited to ride the train ; excited to be going to see Grandma and Grandpa ; excited to be seeing his Uncle Jason ; and , especially excited to see his cousins , Stacy and Jackie . Of course seeing Stacy and Jackie was going to have to wait until we picked them up a little later this afternoon . Jason is now required to stay on his left side , almost 100 % of the time , with only a few moments , throughout the day , where he can lay on his back . It was also decided that a wound vacuum was going to be used , instead of the cream and bandages . We are all still very hopeful that everything is going to be working out , and that besides having to deal with this new situation , everything will be good . We stayed for lunch , and in fact Linda and I took David and Dylan down to the galley to have lunch ( that 's what the Navy calls their cafeteria ) . Dylan thought it was really cool , and we like the prices . I had a nice salad and fish on a bed of rice , with broccoli . Gracie is being a real trooper through all this , and so far has not complained at all . I think she would rather have Jason back , and be at home , but she is learning to adapt . At about the same time we were to pick up the girls the doctors came in to put the wound vacs on , so I stayed while everyone else went back to the house . I stayed so that I would know exactly what was going on and what to expect , over the next several days ( couple of weeks ? ) . It was also a good time to talk with Dr . Salt , the plastics surgeon , and find out what his thoughts were on how things were developing . He was pretty happy with what he was seeing so far , though he did admit he was hoping that he wouldn 't have to go with the wound vacs . They are kind of uncomfortable for Jason , and extra work for the staff . The strong positive is that they help to prevent infection , and that is a major concern anytime Jason does something . My guess is that Jason will progress over these next couple of days ( the weekend ) and that there is a strong chance that on Wednesday he will be headed home . A couple of things need to be in place , and steps are already underway to make that happen . Once everything was done , and David was back at the hospital , I was able to head back to the house . The evening dinner was pizza , and the kids all loved it . David and Dylan had to head back to Los Angeles at 18 : 20 ( 6 : 20pm ) , and that was pretty much the evening . Linda and I were both feeling kind of tired , so we just relaxed with the girls , watching Wreck It Ralph . This got it to bed time , and we then read them a story , and they were off to slumber land . Next was for Linda and I to just relax a little , and then we were off to our own slumber land . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . We got up early this morning , as Jason had to go in for surgery this morning , that was supposed to be about three hours long . We got there at about 08 : 30 this morning and Linda and I finally got to head back home at about 20 : 30 ( 8 : 30pm ) , but I jump ahead a bit . Jason was scheduled to go in at about 10 : 30 , and things were actually progressing nicely . After a number of questions being asked , and re - asked , Jason went into the O . R . at about 11 : 00 . The original plan was to have him back out around 14 : 00 ( 2pm ) and then get him over to his hospital room , at about 15 : 00 ( 3pm ) . That wasn 't what happened . The doctors ( there were four different disciplines in the operating room , with Jason ) began their work and stepped up and did their work and sometimes overlapped each other 's efforts This coordination and overlapping of effort was to help things to run smoothly , but actually caused the surgery to take longer . The others all got their work done and now Plastics was doing their work , and finally their work was done . They finally got out of the operating room again at about 17 : 30 ( 5 : 30pm ) . After that he had to endure another two hours in the recovery before he was able to finally get to his own room . There were a couple of things that caused the doctors to approach some of the work differently than originally wanted , though that did allow them to get more done . There is one " small " section that they are concerned about and we 'll know the status of that in a couple of days . He will be in the hospital for at least this weekend , and possibly most of the rest of the week . After he gets back to the house he will be on bed rest for a number of weeks , and then finally back to his new normal . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Getting up early this morning I was able to get up and dressed before the girls woke up . Linda wasn 't feeling real well this morning , so she went back to bed after helping me get the girls up . There was the fast breakfast and I made Stacy 's lunch , an then Jason and I were off to take the girls to their respective schools . Fortunately the Child Development Center was open today , though it looked like about half the parking lot is now under construction . I guess that broken water pipe is going to be a pain for a couple of months . Not too much else went on this morning , other than Jason going to a couple of appointments and getting a few things coordinated . They were kind of personal things so I won 't mention them here , just that it took time and it had to get done . We went back to the house after that and I went up to check on Linda . She was sleeping so I left her alone , I kind of felt that she probably needed the sleep . Later , this afternoon , Linda and I took a drive and went over to Torrey Pines , just to take a look at it , and then over to Target to pick up a few things . Shortly after we got back Jason , Linda and I headed over to Anthony 's for a little BBQ , and some nice visiting time , Jason had said he would like to go see the new Robo Cop movie , so we did , and it was a late showing . Problem though was that the only showing was the iMAX showing . This meant that the screen was very large and the sound was going to be LOUD ! I told Jason and Linda that I didn 't want to go to another iMAX showing of anything , though I did enjoy the movie . I thought the first one was better , but hey , that 's just me . We got home late and Linda needed to decompress from the movie , and I needed to catch up on my email and do the blog . Tomorrow we need to be up early , so that Jason can get over to the hospital by 08 : 30 . His surgery is scheduled to happen around 10 : 00 , though sometimes it can slip . They are saying that it will be a two hour procedure , so I 'm expecting it to take about 4 hours . If I 'm wrong . . . Great ! Just please keep him and the doctors in your prayers as this is the first surgery Jason has had in over a year , and I believe he is feeling a bit anxious , though he is trying to show calm . . . and doing a good job of it . I will let everyone know what happens , just as soon as I can provide an update . Thank you , for the continual support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . A nice day , and an easy start . Actually , the girls slept in a little and I was up and brushing my teeth before they came up the stairs . . . about 07 : 00 . Linda was up a little while later , and she assisted in getting the girls ready to go , and that was pretty much the start of the day . It didn 't take too long for everyone to get ready , with Stacy leading the way . Since Jackie wasn 't quite ready to go , and Stacy was , I suggested that we just walk over the her school ( less than 1 / 4 mile away ) , and Stacy was all for that . It only took about 10 minutes or so , for the round trip , so I was back pretty quick . Jason and I got in the van , with Jackie , and Linda stayed back to take care of a few things and do some laundry . When we reached the Child Development Center ( CDC ) we were greeted with barricades and a few signs indicating that we were to park in a different area . Before we completely got out of the van a woman walked towards us and said the center was closed , and that it would be closed until tomorrow , due to a broken water pipe . There was no water in the center and the teachers had already been sent home . I hope they can get the repairs done , and are ready to open up tomorrow . Jason goes in to the hospital tomorrow for pre - op admittance . At this point we really don 't know if he is going to be staying the night at the hospital , or if he will just go in and then be back out in a short while . My guess is that he will be in and out in a matter of a couple of hours . Then , on Thursday , Jason goes in , and will have the surgery on that day and remain in the hospital for a few days , up to a week . The rest of the day was spent taking care of a few things and running a few errands . Dinner was chicken that Jason had marinating in the refrigerator , for two days . I cooked it up in a skillet and it was really good . We also had mashed potatoes and Brussels Sprouts . There really wasn 't much in the way of left overs . Thank you for all the continued prayers and support . Take care and stay positive . The girls were up at 06 : 30 this morning and pushing to get us up out of bed . The down part of this was that Linda wasn 't feeling well , and I needed to get Jason over to a Chevy dealer so he could take a look at a truck . Apparently the VA is directing Jason away from the Fords because of the lift mechanism that he needs and it isn 't compatible with the Ford he wanted . Anyway , we did find a truck that Jason liked and it does have the compatibility needed , so the paperwork got started . We were gone for a couple of hours and we needed to get back to the house . Linda wasn 't feeling well , and she had the girls , who seemed to be full of energy . Linda and Joselyn worked together to go through the girls clothes and closets , to get a bunch of the clothes and other things , cleaned out . They identified a number of items that are going to be donated , since they are in good shape , yet no longer fit either of the girls . Things like this really show how Linda 's presence is going to be valuable , as neither Jason or I are very good at that particular activity . I am really glad to have her here , and so are the girls and Jason . Tomorrow is going to be a day for getting some errands completed , and for Jason to be able to pick up some items , as well as a required shot . They will probably want to put me through the training one more time before I start doing it at home - at least I would feel more comfortable doing it in their office first . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . This morning , at a little before 07 : 00 , we had a couple of guests come in and join us in bed . It was Stacy and Jackie , and we were both grateful that they allowed us to sleep in . . . at least a little . They are so full of energy and love to be with us , and we are very grateful for them . Actually , it was kind of funny , in that Jason was still asleep when we all made it back down stairs at about 07 : 30 . The day today , was very relaxed and considering the last couple of days , I 'd have to say we kind of needed it . I did get a chance to take the girls to the local park , where they ran and played for about an hour , and Linda rested while this was going on . She feels like she has been working pretty hard these past few weeks , getting things read for us , up in Livermore ; and , in fact , she has . I was glad to take the girls out and give both Jason and Linda a little more time to recuperate . We went to the park a little while after breakfast , and just a short while after that we had lunch . I fixed salmon for dinner last night , and with the left over salmon I made a sandwich spread , something I had not done before . I was very happy to see that it worked , and tasted quite good . The rest of the day was spent just relaxing and kicking back . I made a few phone calls , trying to take care of a few things back at the house , and fortunately we have good friends like Karen and Marilyn to help us out . I also got some information to Trevor ( another good friend ) so that we can possibly get the van sold . There are just so many things to be concluded and you just really don 't think about it until you get into the position of having to move and settle somewhere else . Of course Linda will be heading back up to Livermore next month , so it may be close , but we 're still not fully moved down here , yet . Tomorrow should be an interesting day for us , though I hope it doesn 't get too busy . The Presidents Day holiday keeps the kids home , so that will be kind of fun , and then we 're also heading over to Anthony 's for an evening BBQ . In the mean time Jason wants to get out and look at a couple of vehicles , in hopes that it might help make his selection come along a little bit better . So stay tuned for the next exciting adventure and update . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Linda and I went to bed last night , and we were both very tired . I had planned to sleep in until at least 06 : 30 , and maybe even 07 : 00 , but that wasn 't going to happen . First it was Jackie , who came up to greet us this morning , at about 05 : 15 . Then a short while later , here comes Stacy , so now we have two little girls in bed with us , full of energy and still very excited about the fact that they 're back with Daddy and Grandpa , and NOW , Grandma is here , too ! Anyway , we made a couple of attempts to sleep a little more , but then by about 06 : 00 ( maybe a little later ) we realized it was just better to get up and get going . I made oatmeal for breakfast , and it worked out perfect . There were plenty of raisins and the oatmeal that was left in the bad was just the right amount . I didn 't have to open the other bag . The girls ate all theirs and so did the rest of us , and soon after we were ready to get dressed for today 's event . We were going to the hospital at Balboa Naval Medical , where Gary Sinise was going to be playing , and his foundation was putting on a great event . We had planned on being there at a little after 09 : 30 , but didn 't get there until after 10 : 30 , and looking back I think it was beneficial to everyone ( in our group ) . Anthony Netto and Angelica came over to pick up Jason 's paramobile , and then we were all off for the event . We got there a couple hours before it was to start , and that was good , as I didn 't have to worry about getting a parking place . We drove in , and because we were on the " list " of guests , we were able to go to the V . I . P . parking area , and this put us at a pretty close distance to the rest of the things going on . Along with Gary , and his crew there was Robert Irvine , celebrity chef and Clint Howard , also Kelly Carlson and her fiance , Dan were there . This was a first for Robert Irvine , with the others having had the opportunity to meet us in the past at other events . Jason and Robert hit it off very well , and Robert had Jason over behind the grill flipping burgers , just a few minutes after meeting each other . One of the great things that happened was that Jason was able to receive the funds from the October event that took place back up in Livermore . His picture was taken by about 20 cameras , all going off at once , and a few movie cameras as well . I told him he was going to have to get used to that , as he is becoming a real legend and rock star with the media . While at the event we also got to connect up with a few folks that we hadn 't seen in a few weeks , including CMDR Laura Ledyard ( ret . ) and her husband Jessie ( who is also retired ) . I 'm not even going to attempt to list everybody we saw , as that would take quite a while , as well as be incomplete . I 'm tired now and will forget people . All , I can say is that you should do your best to attend one of these Gary Sinise Foundation events , if the opportunity comes up . They are totally awesome . About the only " down " side to this was that Jason kind of wore himself out ( again ) and he 'll be spending most of the day , tomorrow , staying in bed . Not sure what else will be going on , but I 'm sure it will be good . I think Linda and I are going to be attempting to stay relaxed tomorrow , too , though two little girls may have other ideas . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers being sent out our way . Take care and stay positive . Wow ! We 're back home and now Linda is with us - at least for now . She still has to get back up to the house to take care of a few things , and then perhaps we can finally say for certain , we 've moved to San Diego . It was good to see Jason and I think he was happy to see us . As it turned out , the girls had just arrived at the house about 30 minutes before we did . Fortunately Joselyn was there , so that made it a bunch easier for Jason , as well as for the girls . But , again , I 'm getting ahead of myself . Last night we said good bye to a bunch of folks , who have been working with us , on the house and helping us get things ready . We knew we were driving back down to San Diego in the morning , so we wanted to get at least some sleep . Fortunately , Bill and Ruth Buchanan offered to let us sleep in one of their empty beds ( all the kids have gone and they 're empty - nesters ) . We go up early and Bill fixed all of us a very nice breakfast . We had a great visit and soon we were out the door , heading south . The drive down was just about as good as we could have asked for . There was a little traffic and slowing in Los Angeles , and that was expected . Total time to get down here , from Livermore , was almost 8 hours exactly . We would have liked to have been able to stop and visit with David and Miriam , in Los Angeles , but we didn 't have much time , and they were already on their way to a weekend get - away with the kids . There will be other opportunities for Linda to see the boys . Once we arrived we unpacked and it felt good to just stand up and walk around . My left leg was beginning to give me some trouble , as well as my lower back , so I think maybe I should consider not driving more than 8 - hours in a day , as long as I am driving the Fusion . . . ; - ) The girls were very happy to see us , especially Linda , as they love their Grandma . This was pretty much the day , except for some playing with the girls and doing Jason 's dressing change , the next thing was just doing the blog and going to bed . Tomorrow will be an exciting day , with the Lt . Dan Band playing at the hospital at Balboa , and Jason has already been invited to come early so that have some time to visit . We 're looking forward to an exciting time and then maybe an afternoon to relax a little . Thank you , for all the continued prayers and support . Take care and stay positive . I spoke with Jason a couple of times today , and he sounded good . The first time was kind of early and he was just getting out of bed . The Marines were coming over to pick him up and take him to his appointments . He sounded pretty good , though I think he would have really rather just stayed in bed . The second time he was up in his kitchen , and fixing something to eat ; perhaps it was a late afternoon snack or maybe dinner . Either way , I didn 't ask him what he was doing , I was satisfied that he was just doing something that he wanted to do . The one thing he did say , that bothered me , was that the VA wasn 't cooperating with him getting a truck . A number of folks know that Jason likes Ford , and wants a Ford pickup ( F250 ) as his personal ride . Some folks would step back and say , " Why does he need such a big truck ? " My response is simply , " I don 't care , he wants that truck , so he should be able to get it . " The challenge , it seems is that the VA has some input into which vehicle he gets , as they are the ones who approves the adaptive mechanism that is placed on the vehicle . For this truck it is the hand controls and the lift , that allows him to sit behind the wheel and drive . It seems today , the VA let Jason know that they only work with GMC , Chevy and Dodge trucks . I find this to be a little strange so I will be following up on that once we ( Linda and I ) get back down to San Diego . A particularly positive bit of news , also learned today from Jason , the girls will be back with him on Friday , instead of on Monday , as originally scheduled . They will be with us through Tuesday , and that is great considering that Jason will be going in to the hospital on Wednesday . It seems like we haven 't seen them in such a long time , and we will have all kinds of things to do with them , especially now that Grandma ( Linda ) will be there with us . Tomorrow we wrap up all our activities here , in Livermore and then Friday morning we take off for San Diego . Thank you , all for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Today is a special day / post , in that it is the 900th posting of the blog . I called Jason today , and then later on he called me . We initially talked about how he was doing , and how we ( Linda and I ) were doing with getting our things together , and then we talked a little about this coming weekend . Linda and I will be heading back down to San Diego on the 14th , ( yeah , I know , I really know how to show a lady a great time on Valentines Day ) and that will get us there just before the weekend . On Saturday there is going to be a great show at the Hospital , at Balboa , put on by The Gary Sinise Foundation , with the Lt . Dan Band ; and we hope that this time Jason will be feeling good enough that we can stay for the entire show . I promised to put some pictures out , from the recent trip we took , so tonight I can do just that . Before I do though , a quick up date . . . Jason is doing well , and enjoying this time with limited support and help . Now here are the pictures . . . Well , I guess you 've all figured out that I am not going to be posting daily , at least not for the next several days . With the moving from our house in Livermore to San Diego I really don 't have a bunch of spare time to work on the blog . On top of that I only get to have snap shots of what is going on with Jason . For example , I spoke with him this morning and he sounded great . We talked for a few minutes and then hung up . He isn 't doing a bunch of things , just enjoying the time alone , I think . The move is becoming a bit of a challenge as we have a few days to get everything done , and then we need to get back to San Diego . The biggest challenge we have is ; what to do with our two cats . We can 't bring them with us , and obviously they can 't remain in the house , especially if no one else is here with them . Linda 's cat , Candy has been her companion and Pumpkin , my cat just likes to lay around ; like Garfield , she even looks like Garfield . We continue to search for a " temporary " home for them , I just hope we can come up with something soon . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . On Wednesday we were treated to a wonderful experience at Paramount Studios that included a welcome that really you only see at the movies , or at least on a movie set . We first got on buses , with Jason and I riding in the van , behind them and Anthony Netto with Angelica right behind us in his truck . Now this wasn 't your everyday regular caravan , it was a California Highway Patrol escorted caravan , with lights and stopped traffic and everything . Heck , even in Anthony 's truck , where the paramobiles were , there were red and blue lights flashing ( Anthony had set up the lights a few weeks back , and now he got a chance to use them ) . The officers were great and did a wonderful job of controlling the traffic . Some people proved to be the typical California drivers , as they attempted to jump into the line , but the officers managed to get them out . Fortunately , no tickets were issued , as far as I could tell . We pulled into the Paramount Studios lot and were given priority parking and then walked over to this black " gate " . The gate slid aside , kind of like an opening to a movie , and then there were all these people and a marching band waiting there to greet us . The walk into the garden like area was really fun , with so many people shouting , " Thank you ! " and holding signs of welcome . Then we have to go around another wall / gate and we finally see the garden area . The tables are all set and we are given a number of welcomes by several different people , and fortunately all their speeches were short . They had a bunch of different celebrities to greet us and a really nice part was that Jason and I actually know some of them . I think Tom Arnold was the first person I was able to speak with , and I reminded him of where we had met prior ( Ames , Iowa , for the Special Olympics , back in 2006 ) . I also saw Kelly Carlson , and Joe Mantegna , both of whom made it a point to come over and give us a hug and say hello . Actually , the rest of the day and into the night Kelly was coming by to make sure we were comfortable and had everything we needed . It was good to see Dan there , with her , as he is a great guy and a Navy Seal to boot . I attempted to get some pictures , and will do my best to get some of them up , over the next several days . Even Bob Hamer was there , and we hadn 't seen him in a few months . There was a special showing of the movie , Forest Gump , and as you might guess , Tom Hanks was even there . The only down part was that he didn 't stay very long , and so I didn 't get much of a chance to talk with him , or even get an autograph . The movie was fun to watch , and they have remastered it with digital and in watching it I remembered a bunch of the stuff about the movie that made me enjoy it the first time . Once the movie was over we all came out to enjoy a great dinner and have some time to socialize again with the rest of the people and more celebrities . Finally , the day was coming to an end and it was time for the big show and performance by the Lt . Dan Band , with Gary Sinise . Jason was feeling good still , so we went to go see the show , out on the back lot , at Paramount . Getting to the show was another walk through crowds of people and this time we had like a ticker tape effect with all this blown confetti coming down on us . Gary put on a wonderful show and we were able to stay for about eight of the songs , and then Jason was ready to get going . The experience was very positive and both Jason and I had a great time . I think that having Linda there would have made it better , so if there is another show to be invited to I am hoping that she is able to go with us . Speaking of Linda , tomorrow morning I will be flying up to Livermore to go help her with the work on the house . Once the work is done we will be headed back down here to San Diego and help Jason with the rest of his transition with the Marines , and more immediately with the recovering from his upcoming surgery . I don 't know how well I will be able to keep up with the updates on the blog , while up in Livermore , so please accept my apologies , if I should have days without updates . Actually I would really like to get the next two updates in , as it will bring me to the 900 post on this blog . Thank you , for all the continued prayer and support . Take care and stay positive . Jason has been enjoying a pretty good time with visiting all these great folks . He has been able to socialize and tell some of his favorite jokes ( ones I 've heard probably a hundred times now ) and do things he usually doesn 't get a chance to do . The accommodations are good , though we did have to move to a different room , due to the need for a better shower situation . About the only down side to this adventure is that he has not been able to enjoy the rides . Originally , we were told that there were a few rides that would accommodate his chair , and he should be able to go on . As it turned out ( using their words ) , " Because he has no lower extremities we can safely secure him in the ride . " Jason was disappointed , as was I , though you could tell our guide was embarrassed by the development . All of this was over on the California Adventure side , and we found out the the Littlest Mermaid was the only ride that would be available for Jason . Jason accepted this , as he does with most things , so we ( we were in a group of 7 plus the guide ) continued to go about the park . I did go on one ride , and that was the first ride we attempted - one that Jason really didn 't want to go on anyway , and then found out after that , that rides were restricted , at the next ride . The group walked over to the new Race Track Ride , from the movie Cars , and while Jason and I were waiting there I saw Gary Sinise being escorted through . Since it was his invitation that got us there I called over to him , and he came over to speak with us . He spent several minutes with us talking and then I told him that Jason was not able to go on any of the rides , other than the mermaid one . The security detail guys all looked a little embarrassed and did some fast checking and came back to tell us that the Jungle Cruse would be a ride he could go on . Gary had to get going at this point and his escort told our guide where to meet up with him . So , once the rest of our group came off the next ride , we all walked over to the performance of the " Green Soldiers " ( from Toy Story ) and met up again with Gary . Next stop , the Jungle Cruse , with Gary Sinise and his escort leading the way . It was kind of cool , actually . Lots of people looking at us and wondering who we were , with some of them recognizing Gary . Anyway , Jason got on the Jungle Cruse and we had a good time . It was a nice easy ride and about the only one who was experiencing some concern was Gracie , as I don 't think she has ever been on water before . Gary separated from us , at this point , as he was attempting to get with as many of the Wounded Warriors as he could . Our group of seven decided that we needed to get some lunch now , so we went over to the Carnation Restaurant , on Main Street . We had a nice complimentary lunch , courtesy of the Gary Sinise Foundation and Disneyland , and then Jason and I headed back to the hotel . This is where we got a chance to see our " new " room , with a more accommodating shower . Jason immediately laid down and in a few minutes was sound asleep . He puts up a good front , but he is constantly working his back and abdominal muscles , just to be able to sit up in the chair . All of this takes a great deal of energy , and he gets worn down after a few hours . So , he slept for a little over an hour and then woke up . There was one more thing The event was the retiring of the colors , in the Town Square , or Main Street Square , or whatever they call it . . . its right in front close to the entrance . Jason was right up front , and again was sitting with his other buddies and got to socialize more . It was a nice presentation and recognition to all the branches of the service . After this was a special presentation for the Hollywood Salutes Heroes group , at the Lincoln theater . They , the park , shut it down , so that we could have it to ourselves . From here we went to dinner , and then back to the hotel . At this point we came back to the room and Jason was able to take a shower . I was pleased with the wounds , and happy that it didn 't look like too much damage had happened . It was a little later in the evening now , so we both pretty much called it a day . It was a good day , and we enjoyed the visit to Disneyland and California Adventure . Jason was scoping out everything he could , to determine how to best enjoy a visit with the girls . About the only thing that I goofed on was my Fitbit . I nearly reached 15 , 000 steps when I took it off my belt , and then shortly after that I had to take Gracie back out . I think I would have hit that mark had I left it on . Oh , well , next time . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Jason had a good start to the day and we were all ready to go , almost exactly at noon , and that is when I wanted to be headed north , to Anaheim . We had a lite breakfast , and effectively no lunch , so we were both kind of hungry when we arrived , but then I 'm getting a little ahead of myself . Anthony Netto arrived right on time and we loaded up the truck and the van and that all went without a hitch . He had bought a new type cover for the two paramobile units he is carrying , and it works great . It is kind of a heavy , almost canvas , cover that we can tie down - very effective . The drive up was good , and much less traffic than anticipated . We wanted to arrive at about 15 : 00 ( 3pm ) and showed up at13 : 30 ( 1 : 30pm ) . Because we were so early , and no one else was there , it seemed there was a little confusion , but that got corrected quickly . Disney runs a pretty good organization . The rest of the group , from Salute to the Heros , by The Gary Sinise Foundation showed up at almost 16 : 00 ( 4pm ) , and we finally were able to go in . It was very similar to the Salute to the Troops welcome with the exception of the fact that we were actually there this time . Jason was in the front of the line and therefore we were also the first into the main ballroom where we could get something to eat . It wasn 't a regular meal , but it was some nice fresh fruit and cookies , and something to drink . They went through the greetings and we got to see some familiar faces , including Jason Redman , who has become a good friend of Jason 's . The next stop was for dinner at Bubba Gumps , where everyone seemed to have a great time . We found out there that the next day ( today ) we will be heading over to Disneyland park and have an executive guide with us . We will be a part of six , so it will be a nice small party and we can get the attention that we just might need . Right now we 're getting ready to head down for breakfast , and see about getting this show on the road . Not sure just how much of Disneyland Jason is going to be able to enjoy , but we ready to give it a shot . Thank you , for all the continued prayers and support . Take care and stay positive . Not much going on with Jason today , other than the regular dressing change and staying in bed for most of the day . I washed the van today , and it looks pretty good , at least a lot cleaner ( glad to have that dog hair out of the van ) . I wanted to be sure the van was in better shape for our trip up to Los Angeles tomorrow . It is going to be a busy couple of weeks for us , or I should say busy for the next three weeks . I expect things to slow down a bit after the surgery on the 20th . We did go out for Chinese food tonight , as that is something we haven 't done in a long time . The last time I was out on the bike I cam across this restaurant and wanted to try it out , so we did . I told Jason that the Super Bowl was still on ( just about the end of the third quarter ) so they shouldn 't be busy . Besides it was already pretty clear that the Broncos decided to not show up for the game . I don 't want to detract from the abilities of the Seahawks , but the Broncos were definitely in self destruct mode . Oh well , so much for a good football game , I believe it turned out the way it was supposed to . Anyway , we had the Chinese food and then came back to the house . We will be leaving around noon tomorrow for L . A . , and then back again on Thursday . I don 't know , right now , if I 'll be able to do much in the way of updates to the blog , while up there , but I 'll try . My main objective is to enjoy the time with Jason , focused on doing something different . Thank you , for all the continued prayer and support . Take care and stay positive . Jason pretty much stayed in bed today , and I think that was because of all the activity he was involved in yesterday . His spirits remain high and his attitude is strongly positive . Along with all of this the wounds slowly continue to heal . I guess that 's the most frustrating aspect of his recovery . Just as it looks like they are about to close , they begin to open again , or worse , the skin ruptures in a new location . Typically these ruptures are small , and only take a couple of weeks to close back up , they just tend to be frustrating . On the overall picture , things are looking better and I am still hopeful that most everything will be closed when he goes back in for surgery , on February 20 . On another front , Linda will be moved down here to San Diego on February 14 . I will be going up to help with some of the final packing ( she has been doing most of it with the help of many friends ) , and then driving the two of us back down on Valentines Day . She will be staying with Jason and I , AND the girls at the house here , until Jason 's new house is built . Not sure when that is going to happen , but we are hoping that it will be done by the end of this year . . . maybe a first Christmas in the new house . Tomorrow is going to be another day of relaxing and staying down , as he wants to be sure he is ready for the Hollywood Salute To The Troops , next week . We go up Monday and come back Thursday , and then shortly after that I will be going up to Livermore . This is all exciting developments for all of us , and especially for me . It will be great to have her back down here and we can be together again , like we 're supposed to be . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . |
Today is the last day of February - and the year is zipping on by . Not a great deal happened today , and it was Jason 's first full day at the house , away from the hospital . About the only real thing of notoriety that happened was that the railing we were to have installed on his bed , did show up . Of course , it wasn 't what we had expected , and after the technician showed it to us we realized it wasn 't going to work . The other problem with it was that not all the pieces were there . I discussed the issue with the tech , and he said he would bring another piece of equipment , that he felt would better support the needs , and take the rail system back to his shop . A few minor problems with the wound vacs , but in general they are working as they should be . When we go into the hospital on Monday I will be talking with the doctors to see what they have to say about how effective they have , or have not , been . The rain has been coming down pretty good , and we 're all glad that it is here , that is except for Gracie . First time she had to go outside she was reluctant to go , but then nature took over and she HAD to get outside . Tomorrow should be another relaxed day , and we 'll be taking care of some chores around the house . Linda has been going through a bunch of stuff and getting things better organized , and I am very appreciative of that . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Turned into a great day , despite the rain . . . well , on the other hand maybe the rain just made it that much better ( we need more rain ) . Linda and I woke up in the house with no one else there , except for Gracie the dog . It kind of felt strange , though I had thought about it before going to bed the previous evening . We were able to sleep in until nearly 08 : 00 , though we didn 't get to bed until way after midnight . I fixed a quick breakfast and then headed off to go see Jason . Linda stayed back to work on the house , to make sure everything , or as much as possible , was ready for Jason 's arrival . When I got to Jason 's room he was resting and waiting to hear what was going on . We had been told the night before , that we were to be leaving today so we expected to be leaving . After talking with the doctors and nurses , and going over a few medical exercises Jason and I were finally told that , yes , in fact Jason would be leaving the hospital . Of course the time still wasn 't solidly set , but it would be around 14 : 00 ( 2pm ) , and it was now just after noon . A few of the folks in the hospital came by , for a nice visit , and there were also a few " classes " where I was being instructed on what I would be doing , over these next six weeks . I am now giving Jason his lovenox shots , as well as his testosterone shot . I still have a small wound dressing to take care of , and now the wound vacuums to monitor . He needs to remain on his left side as much as possible , and can be on his back for up to 45 minutes a day , broken into 15 minute segments . These are actually relatively minor , considering the benefits of what has happened , for Jason . Jason will also be going back into the hospital , on a weekly basis , with his first return to happen on Monday . Jason 's transportation is going to be an ambulance , and they are already scheduled to come pick him up on next Monday . He will be going back into the hospital at least once a week , and maybe more , as the days go on . How often he goes in is dependent on the progress of his healing . Tomorrow should be a very nice and productive day , and the beginning of a new cycle for Jason . Thank you , for all your continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . It has been a long day and Jason is still in the hospital - though it looks like he will be coming home tomorrow . The hold up is a single piece of equipment that they are having some difficulties in acquiring . It has a specific purpose , primarily the purpose of keeping Jason safe and secure on the bed . If he were to slip and fall off the bed he could be critically injured right now . I spoke with the doctor and we have come up with an agreed upon plan where the railing won 't be required , though it would still be preferred . Linda and I did get a chance to go visit some property , where Jason might have a home built for him . We are working with the Gary Sinise Foundation , and they have committed to building him a home that he will be able to not only get around in comfortably ; he will be able to do just about anything he would want too . There is still much to do , and no building has begun , but it does seem very promising . As I said , Jason is supposed to be coming home tomorrow and it is getting late , so I need to get some sleep . Thank you , for all the continued prayers and support . Take care and stay positive . Today started out a little better than yesterday , and we were able to get Stacy off to school at almost exactly 08 : 00 . While I walked Stacy to school , Linda stayed back and helped Jackie to get ready , and when I returned we all headed off for Jackie 's stay with the Child Development Center ( CDC ) at Balboa . Maybe that is one of the blessings of being with the girls , and getting the opportunity to see , again , just what it is like to watch children grow , only in this case our granddaughters . We went up to visit with Jason , for a little while , and while we were there we spoke with a few people , trying to figure out just what was going on with his case manager being out . After a few conversations , and going over to see an old friend at C5 , we were able to get a few things cleared up . I even made sure there was a good focus on Jason 's dressing change , as it seemed like it could have been done better . Later in the day I did get the chance to speak with his doctor , and he said that there was no medical reason that Jason couldn 't go home , and that about the only thing holding it up was knowing that the environment at the house was ready for him . It looks like we will have everything together tomorrow , and then Jason will be home . This will be a big plus for him , as well as us . He will be able to relax better , and we won 't be spending the precious time , traveling back and forth to and from the hospital ( seems like each time we go there is some type of problem on the freeway and we get delayed , one direction or the other ) . I let Linda stay back at the house , since her leg was bothering her a bit and I didn 't want to aggravate it . I went to pick up Stacy first and then over to get Jackie . Once they were with me we headed over to visit with Jason . It seems they are staying up on his meds and he is feeling more comfortable . There are still some challenges with his wound dressings , but that will get better , as we go along . My feeling is that Jason will benefit from this surgery , and all these recovery challenges will be worth it . Thank you , for all the continued prayers , and take care and stay positive . We had to get moving kind of early today , not because of Jason 's schedule , but because Stacy needed to get over to the school , so she could be " tested " for going into Kindergarten . All of those who work with her say she is ready , and the testing is just a formality . None - the - less , Stacy was a little excited and nervous about going and asked Grandma ( Linda ) to go with her . Fortunately , the other teachers jumped in quickly on this one and let Stacy know that she would have to go in for the testing on her own . No results from the testing when we picked her up today , and like everyone else , I 'm really not too concerned about how she did , as I am confident she scored well . We also took Jackie to her pre - school and then went over to see Jason . He was doing much better and you can really tell that the meds he is working with are getting him to a nice balance , again , and he is able to relax a bit . The biggest challenge is that his position keeps him on his left side for most of the day ( like about 95 % or a little more ) . Jason was able to get in touch with his new Realtor , out in North Carolina , about getting rid of his house out there . Apparently the previous one was taking his money and only doing a halfhearted effort of getting repairs in place , and the house really needs to get a few things done . Because it is being done at a long distance , there is difficulty in really knowing what is going on , since he hasn 't been there is a few years . Many of the people he knew back there are now gone , so it isn 't like the same situation as Linda and I have back in Livermore . I am so glad to have friends who are willing to go way out of their way to help , Linda and I would probably go nuts trying to get things done otherwise . We went in this evening , to visit with Jason and he was still doing okay , though he was having a bit of a pain issue . He called for more pain meds , and for whatever reason the nurses were slow to respond . I went out and talked to the them and it looked like they were acting on the request . I say it that way because Linda and I were leaving with the girls when I went out , and needed to get them back home . We were not able to stay around to find out how well it worked . Then , on the other hand , Jason didn 't call to tell me that they were still not getting the pain meds to him . Tomorrow should be a better day , and I hope we are able to get more done , overall . Thank you , for all the continued prayers and support . Take care and stay positive . Nice day today , with an easy start . I was able to get in a little exercise and then came back to the house to help Linda with the girls , and breakfast . Only Stacy and I , along with Gracie , went to see Jason this morning , and one of the first things I did was to check on the dressing change that was to have been done . The doctor had made the change and looks like he did a pretty good job . The big thing with this is that I won 't worry about it too much , from here on out . Jason was in pretty good spirits , even though there was a nurse there attempting to put in a new I . V . line . He can only have an I . V . line for a couple of days , and then it has to be changed . Since he didn 't get a pick line ( a longer term solution for this ) this is what will have to be done until he is back to the house . It as determined that attempting a pick line would be difficult since there is too much scar tissue in his existing veins . Stacy and I stayed for a little over a half hour and then headed back to the house . Our intention was to come back in the late afternoon or early evening , and bring more of the family this time . As it turned out , Jackie did come with us the second visit , and Linda stayed back . She isn 't feeling well , and didn 't want to subject Jason to needless germs and stuff . Linda is beginning to feel better , so we 're hoping it is more of a 24 bug or something like that . Anyway , When we saw Jason the second time ( later in the day ) he was noticeably better and , ( using his words ) he thinks that his system has regained a balance that had been disrupted by the surgery . He went for more than 12 hours without some of his medication , and he isn 't supposed to miss any of it . Two things out of this . . . 1 ) we know we don 't want to miss any of his meds again , especially for that long of a period ; and , 2 ) he can tolerate missing some of his meds , though it does get quite uncomfortable . Stacy and Jackie were having a good time at this later visit , and the three of them had a good conversation , better than I 'd seen in several days . Gracie kept coming over to make sure Jason was there and I think that made Jason feel almost as good as seeing the girls . Jason was eating his dinner , and we stayed for the duration of that , so that we left at about an hour later , and came back to the house . Actually we left the hospital and went to the grocery store to pick up some Milk . Tomorrow is an attempt at getting a little closer to a regular Monday schedule , though school lets out early tomorrow for some reason ( teacher work day , or something like that ) . We should have a much better feel for when Jason will be coming home , once we see the doctors tomorrow . My guess is that he will be back here on Thursday , at the latest . Thank you all , for all the continued prayers , and support . Take care and stay positive . This morning was a little different , in that we got up and I went to the gym . Actually , I didn 't get much of a workout , and only spent some time on a treadmill . Still it felt good to do something a little different and to burn a bunch of calories ( 600 isn 't a lot , but it still felt good ) . When I came back we all got ready to head over to see Jason , though breakfast was first . We got over to the hospital , and Jason was being looked at by the doctor and one of the nurses . They were looking at his wounds and apparently Jason had told them that they needed to us the Hydrophera Blue pads , that we have been using for the past year and a half , and the doctor wasn 't familiar with them . Actually , Jason had called me and asked me to bring some , so I did . The timing of our arrival was just about spot on , so it all worked out . I explained to the doctor , and the nurse , how the pads worked and how to trim them to the size needed , and everything worked out . I helped a bit , with the placement , and soon , Jason was back the way he wanted to be , and could once again receive visitors . . . Stacy and Jackie wanted to see their daddy ( as did Linda want to see her son ) . Funny thing , though , was that Bob Hamer happened to come by while all this was going on , and he stayed until it was over , so that he could also visit with Jason . It was very nice to see Bob and visit and catch up . He left us a copy of the latest of Oliver North 's books , HomeFront , and I 've already begun reading it . Bob was a collaborator on this one , so his name is on the cover as well . So far , from what I 've read , I 'd have to say that I think you should consider getting a copy , as it helps to bring to awareness , just what some of these guys are going through , as well as their families . Tim Kirk also came by , though later in the day , and he stayed for a good while also . Actually , Linda and I left , with the girls to go back home , and Tim remained to visit a little longer . I was happy to see this , as I think Jason enjoys getting visitors . He is progressing as well as could be expected , and with each day we will be seeing more progress . We don 't have a date for when he will be back home , though I am guessing it will be probably Tuesday or Wednesday . Thank you , for all the continued prayers , and please continue to pray for him . Take care and stay positive . Today was different , as we got up , Linda and I , and the house was quiet . I went down and Gracie was doing okay , though she wanted to get out side . Linda and I got ready and were soon on our way over to the hospital . Shortly after getting there I went to pick up David and Dylan , at the train station . They rode the train down from Los Angeles , and it was an exciting time for Dylan . He was excited to ride the train ; excited to be going to see Grandma and Grandpa ; excited to be seeing his Uncle Jason ; and , especially excited to see his cousins , Stacy and Jackie . Of course seeing Stacy and Jackie was going to have to wait until we picked them up a little later this afternoon . Jason is now required to stay on his left side , almost 100 % of the time , with only a few moments , throughout the day , where he can lay on his back . It was also decided that a wound vacuum was going to be used , instead of the cream and bandages . We are all still very hopeful that everything is going to be working out , and that besides having to deal with this new situation , everything will be good . We stayed for lunch , and in fact Linda and I took David and Dylan down to the galley to have lunch ( that 's what the Navy calls their cafeteria ) . Dylan thought it was really cool , and we like the prices . I had a nice salad and fish on a bed of rice , with broccoli . Gracie is being a real trooper through all this , and so far has not complained at all . I think she would rather have Jason back , and be at home , but she is learning to adapt . At about the same time we were to pick up the girls the doctors came in to put the wound vacs on , so I stayed while everyone else went back to the house . I stayed so that I would know exactly what was going on and what to expect , over the next several days ( couple of weeks ? ) . It was also a good time to talk with Dr . Salt , the plastics surgeon , and find out what his thoughts were on how things were developing . He was pretty happy with what he was seeing so far , though he did admit he was hoping that he wouldn 't have to go with the wound vacs . They are kind of uncomfortable for Jason , and extra work for the staff . The strong positive is that they help to prevent infection , and that is a major concern anytime Jason does something . My guess is that Jason will progress over these next couple of days ( the weekend ) and that there is a strong chance that on Wednesday he will be headed home . A couple of things need to be in place , and steps are already underway to make that happen . Once everything was done , and David was back at the hospital , I was able to head back to the house . The evening dinner was pizza , and the kids all loved it . David and Dylan had to head back to Los Angeles at 18 : 20 ( 6 : 20pm ) , and that was pretty much the evening . Linda and I were both feeling kind of tired , so we just relaxed with the girls , watching Wreck It Ralph . This got it to bed time , and we then read them a story , and they were off to slumber land . Next was for Linda and I to just relax a little , and then we were off to our own slumber land . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . We got up early this morning , as Jason had to go in for surgery this morning , that was supposed to be about three hours long . We got there at about 08 : 30 this morning and Linda and I finally got to head back home at about 20 : 30 ( 8 : 30pm ) , but I jump ahead a bit . Jason was scheduled to go in at about 10 : 30 , and things were actually progressing nicely . After a number of questions being asked , and re - asked , Jason went into the O . R . at about 11 : 00 . The original plan was to have him back out around 14 : 00 ( 2pm ) and then get him over to his hospital room , at about 15 : 00 ( 3pm ) . That wasn 't what happened . The doctors ( there were four different disciplines in the operating room , with Jason ) began their work and stepped up and did their work and sometimes overlapped each other 's efforts This coordination and overlapping of effort was to help things to run smoothly , but actually caused the surgery to take longer . The others all got their work done and now Plastics was doing their work , and finally their work was done . They finally got out of the operating room again at about 17 : 30 ( 5 : 30pm ) . After that he had to endure another two hours in the recovery before he was able to finally get to his own room . There were a couple of things that caused the doctors to approach some of the work differently than originally wanted , though that did allow them to get more done . There is one " small " section that they are concerned about and we 'll know the status of that in a couple of days . He will be in the hospital for at least this weekend , and possibly most of the rest of the week . After he gets back to the house he will be on bed rest for a number of weeks , and then finally back to his new normal . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Getting up early this morning I was able to get up and dressed before the girls woke up . Linda wasn 't feeling real well this morning , so she went back to bed after helping me get the girls up . There was the fast breakfast and I made Stacy 's lunch , an then Jason and I were off to take the girls to their respective schools . Fortunately the Child Development Center was open today , though it looked like about half the parking lot is now under construction . I guess that broken water pipe is going to be a pain for a couple of months . Not too much else went on this morning , other than Jason going to a couple of appointments and getting a few things coordinated . They were kind of personal things so I won 't mention them here , just that it took time and it had to get done . We went back to the house after that and I went up to check on Linda . She was sleeping so I left her alone , I kind of felt that she probably needed the sleep . Later , this afternoon , Linda and I took a drive and went over to Torrey Pines , just to take a look at it , and then over to Target to pick up a few things . Shortly after we got back Jason , Linda and I headed over to Anthony 's for a little BBQ , and some nice visiting time , Jason had said he would like to go see the new Robo Cop movie , so we did , and it was a late showing . Problem though was that the only showing was the iMAX showing . This meant that the screen was very large and the sound was going to be LOUD ! I told Jason and Linda that I didn 't want to go to another iMAX showing of anything , though I did enjoy the movie . I thought the first one was better , but hey , that 's just me . We got home late and Linda needed to decompress from the movie , and I needed to catch up on my email and do the blog . Tomorrow we need to be up early , so that Jason can get over to the hospital by 08 : 30 . His surgery is scheduled to happen around 10 : 00 , though sometimes it can slip . They are saying that it will be a two hour procedure , so I 'm expecting it to take about 4 hours . If I 'm wrong . . . Great ! Just please keep him and the doctors in your prayers as this is the first surgery Jason has had in over a year , and I believe he is feeling a bit anxious , though he is trying to show calm . . . and doing a good job of it . I will let everyone know what happens , just as soon as I can provide an update . Thank you , for the continual support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . A nice day , and an easy start . Actually , the girls slept in a little and I was up and brushing my teeth before they came up the stairs . . . about 07 : 00 . Linda was up a little while later , and she assisted in getting the girls ready to go , and that was pretty much the start of the day . It didn 't take too long for everyone to get ready , with Stacy leading the way . Since Jackie wasn 't quite ready to go , and Stacy was , I suggested that we just walk over the her school ( less than 1 / 4 mile away ) , and Stacy was all for that . It only took about 10 minutes or so , for the round trip , so I was back pretty quick . Jason and I got in the van , with Jackie , and Linda stayed back to take care of a few things and do some laundry . When we reached the Child Development Center ( CDC ) we were greeted with barricades and a few signs indicating that we were to park in a different area . Before we completely got out of the van a woman walked towards us and said the center was closed , and that it would be closed until tomorrow , due to a broken water pipe . There was no water in the center and the teachers had already been sent home . I hope they can get the repairs done , and are ready to open up tomorrow . Jason goes in to the hospital tomorrow for pre - op admittance . At this point we really don 't know if he is going to be staying the night at the hospital , or if he will just go in and then be back out in a short while . My guess is that he will be in and out in a matter of a couple of hours . Then , on Thursday , Jason goes in , and will have the surgery on that day and remain in the hospital for a few days , up to a week . The rest of the day was spent taking care of a few things and running a few errands . Dinner was chicken that Jason had marinating in the refrigerator , for two days . I cooked it up in a skillet and it was really good . We also had mashed potatoes and Brussels Sprouts . There really wasn 't much in the way of left overs . Thank you for all the continued prayers and support . Take care and stay positive . The girls were up at 06 : 30 this morning and pushing to get us up out of bed . The down part of this was that Linda wasn 't feeling well , and I needed to get Jason over to a Chevy dealer so he could take a look at a truck . Apparently the VA is directing Jason away from the Fords because of the lift mechanism that he needs and it isn 't compatible with the Ford he wanted . Anyway , we did find a truck that Jason liked and it does have the compatibility needed , so the paperwork got started . We were gone for a couple of hours and we needed to get back to the house . Linda wasn 't feeling well , and she had the girls , who seemed to be full of energy . Linda and Joselyn worked together to go through the girls clothes and closets , to get a bunch of the clothes and other things , cleaned out . They identified a number of items that are going to be donated , since they are in good shape , yet no longer fit either of the girls . Things like this really show how Linda 's presence is going to be valuable , as neither Jason or I are very good at that particular activity . I am really glad to have her here , and so are the girls and Jason . Tomorrow is going to be a day for getting some errands completed , and for Jason to be able to pick up some items , as well as a required shot . They will probably want to put me through the training one more time before I start doing it at home - at least I would feel more comfortable doing it in their office first . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . This morning , at a little before 07 : 00 , we had a couple of guests come in and join us in bed . It was Stacy and Jackie , and we were both grateful that they allowed us to sleep in . . . at least a little . They are so full of energy and love to be with us , and we are very grateful for them . Actually , it was kind of funny , in that Jason was still asleep when we all made it back down stairs at about 07 : 30 . The day today , was very relaxed and considering the last couple of days , I 'd have to say we kind of needed it . I did get a chance to take the girls to the local park , where they ran and played for about an hour , and Linda rested while this was going on . She feels like she has been working pretty hard these past few weeks , getting things read for us , up in Livermore ; and , in fact , she has . I was glad to take the girls out and give both Jason and Linda a little more time to recuperate . We went to the park a little while after breakfast , and just a short while after that we had lunch . I fixed salmon for dinner last night , and with the left over salmon I made a sandwich spread , something I had not done before . I was very happy to see that it worked , and tasted quite good . The rest of the day was spent just relaxing and kicking back . I made a few phone calls , trying to take care of a few things back at the house , and fortunately we have good friends like Karen and Marilyn to help us out . I also got some information to Trevor ( another good friend ) so that we can possibly get the van sold . There are just so many things to be concluded and you just really don 't think about it until you get into the position of having to move and settle somewhere else . Of course Linda will be heading back up to Livermore next month , so it may be close , but we 're still not fully moved down here , yet . Tomorrow should be an interesting day for us , though I hope it doesn 't get too busy . The Presidents Day holiday keeps the kids home , so that will be kind of fun , and then we 're also heading over to Anthony 's for an evening BBQ . In the mean time Jason wants to get out and look at a couple of vehicles , in hopes that it might help make his selection come along a little bit better . So stay tuned for the next exciting adventure and update . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Linda and I went to bed last night , and we were both very tired . I had planned to sleep in until at least 06 : 30 , and maybe even 07 : 00 , but that wasn 't going to happen . First it was Jackie , who came up to greet us this morning , at about 05 : 15 . Then a short while later , here comes Stacy , so now we have two little girls in bed with us , full of energy and still very excited about the fact that they 're back with Daddy and Grandpa , and NOW , Grandma is here , too ! Anyway , we made a couple of attempts to sleep a little more , but then by about 06 : 00 ( maybe a little later ) we realized it was just better to get up and get going . I made oatmeal for breakfast , and it worked out perfect . There were plenty of raisins and the oatmeal that was left in the bad was just the right amount . I didn 't have to open the other bag . The girls ate all theirs and so did the rest of us , and soon after we were ready to get dressed for today 's event . We were going to the hospital at Balboa Naval Medical , where Gary Sinise was going to be playing , and his foundation was putting on a great event . We had planned on being there at a little after 09 : 30 , but didn 't get there until after 10 : 30 , and looking back I think it was beneficial to everyone ( in our group ) . Anthony Netto and Angelica came over to pick up Jason 's paramobile , and then we were all off for the event . We got there a couple hours before it was to start , and that was good , as I didn 't have to worry about getting a parking place . We drove in , and because we were on the " list " of guests , we were able to go to the V . I . P . parking area , and this put us at a pretty close distance to the rest of the things going on . Along with Gary , and his crew there was Robert Irvine , celebrity chef and Clint Howard , also Kelly Carlson and her fiance , Dan were there . This was a first for Robert Irvine , with the others having had the opportunity to meet us in the past at other events . Jason and Robert hit it off very well , and Robert had Jason over behind the grill flipping burgers , just a few minutes after meeting each other . One of the great things that happened was that Jason was able to receive the funds from the October event that took place back up in Livermore . His picture was taken by about 20 cameras , all going off at once , and a few movie cameras as well . I told him he was going to have to get used to that , as he is becoming a real legend and rock star with the media . While at the event we also got to connect up with a few folks that we hadn 't seen in a few weeks , including CMDR Laura Ledyard ( ret . ) and her husband Jessie ( who is also retired ) . I 'm not even going to attempt to list everybody we saw , as that would take quite a while , as well as be incomplete . I 'm tired now and will forget people . All , I can say is that you should do your best to attend one of these Gary Sinise Foundation events , if the opportunity comes up . They are totally awesome . About the only " down " side to this was that Jason kind of wore himself out ( again ) and he 'll be spending most of the day , tomorrow , staying in bed . Not sure what else will be going on , but I 'm sure it will be good . I think Linda and I are going to be attempting to stay relaxed tomorrow , too , though two little girls may have other ideas . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers being sent out our way . Take care and stay positive . Wow ! We 're back home and now Linda is with us - at least for now . She still has to get back up to the house to take care of a few things , and then perhaps we can finally say for certain , we 've moved to San Diego . It was good to see Jason and I think he was happy to see us . As it turned out , the girls had just arrived at the house about 30 minutes before we did . Fortunately Joselyn was there , so that made it a bunch easier for Jason , as well as for the girls . But , again , I 'm getting ahead of myself . Last night we said good bye to a bunch of folks , who have been working with us , on the house and helping us get things ready . We knew we were driving back down to San Diego in the morning , so we wanted to get at least some sleep . Fortunately , Bill and Ruth Buchanan offered to let us sleep in one of their empty beds ( all the kids have gone and they 're empty - nesters ) . We go up early and Bill fixed all of us a very nice breakfast . We had a great visit and soon we were out the door , heading south . The drive down was just about as good as we could have asked for . There was a little traffic and slowing in Los Angeles , and that was expected . Total time to get down here , from Livermore , was almost 8 hours exactly . We would have liked to have been able to stop and visit with David and Miriam , in Los Angeles , but we didn 't have much time , and they were already on their way to a weekend get - away with the kids . There will be other opportunities for Linda to see the boys . Once we arrived we unpacked and it felt good to just stand up and walk around . My left leg was beginning to give me some trouble , as well as my lower back , so I think maybe I should consider not driving more than 8 - hours in a day , as long as I am driving the Fusion . . . ; - ) The girls were very happy to see us , especially Linda , as they love their Grandma . This was pretty much the day , except for some playing with the girls and doing Jason 's dressing change , the next thing was just doing the blog and going to bed . Tomorrow will be an exciting day , with the Lt . Dan Band playing at the hospital at Balboa , and Jason has already been invited to come early so that have some time to visit . We 're looking forward to an exciting time and then maybe an afternoon to relax a little . Thank you , for all the continued prayers and support . Take care and stay positive . I spoke with Jason a couple of times today , and he sounded good . The first time was kind of early and he was just getting out of bed . The Marines were coming over to pick him up and take him to his appointments . He sounded pretty good , though I think he would have really rather just stayed in bed . The second time he was up in his kitchen , and fixing something to eat ; perhaps it was a late afternoon snack or maybe dinner . Either way , I didn 't ask him what he was doing , I was satisfied that he was just doing something that he wanted to do . The one thing he did say , that bothered me , was that the VA wasn 't cooperating with him getting a truck . A number of folks know that Jason likes Ford , and wants a Ford pickup ( F250 ) as his personal ride . Some folks would step back and say , " Why does he need such a big truck ? " My response is simply , " I don 't care , he wants that truck , so he should be able to get it . " The challenge , it seems is that the VA has some input into which vehicle he gets , as they are the ones who approves the adaptive mechanism that is placed on the vehicle . For this truck it is the hand controls and the lift , that allows him to sit behind the wheel and drive . It seems today , the VA let Jason know that they only work with GMC , Chevy and Dodge trucks . I find this to be a little strange so I will be following up on that once we ( Linda and I ) get back down to San Diego . A particularly positive bit of news , also learned today from Jason , the girls will be back with him on Friday , instead of on Monday , as originally scheduled . They will be with us through Tuesday , and that is great considering that Jason will be going in to the hospital on Wednesday . It seems like we haven 't seen them in such a long time , and we will have all kinds of things to do with them , especially now that Grandma ( Linda ) will be there with us . Tomorrow we wrap up all our activities here , in Livermore and then Friday morning we take off for San Diego . Thank you , all for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Today is a special day / post , in that it is the 900th posting of the blog . I called Jason today , and then later on he called me . We initially talked about how he was doing , and how we ( Linda and I ) were doing with getting our things together , and then we talked a little about this coming weekend . Linda and I will be heading back down to San Diego on the 14th , ( yeah , I know , I really know how to show a lady a great time on Valentines Day ) and that will get us there just before the weekend . On Saturday there is going to be a great show at the Hospital , at Balboa , put on by The Gary Sinise Foundation , with the Lt . Dan Band ; and we hope that this time Jason will be feeling good enough that we can stay for the entire show . I promised to put some pictures out , from the recent trip we took , so tonight I can do just that . Before I do though , a quick up date . . . Jason is doing well , and enjoying this time with limited support and help . Now here are the pictures . . . Well , I guess you 've all figured out that I am not going to be posting daily , at least not for the next several days . With the moving from our house in Livermore to San Diego I really don 't have a bunch of spare time to work on the blog . On top of that I only get to have snap shots of what is going on with Jason . For example , I spoke with him this morning and he sounded great . We talked for a few minutes and then hung up . He isn 't doing a bunch of things , just enjoying the time alone , I think . The move is becoming a bit of a challenge as we have a few days to get everything done , and then we need to get back to San Diego . The biggest challenge we have is ; what to do with our two cats . We can 't bring them with us , and obviously they can 't remain in the house , especially if no one else is here with them . Linda 's cat , Candy has been her companion and Pumpkin , my cat just likes to lay around ; like Garfield , she even looks like Garfield . We continue to search for a " temporary " home for them , I just hope we can come up with something soon . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . On Wednesday we were treated to a wonderful experience at Paramount Studios that included a welcome that really you only see at the movies , or at least on a movie set . We first got on buses , with Jason and I riding in the van , behind them and Anthony Netto with Angelica right behind us in his truck . Now this wasn 't your everyday regular caravan , it was a California Highway Patrol escorted caravan , with lights and stopped traffic and everything . Heck , even in Anthony 's truck , where the paramobiles were , there were red and blue lights flashing ( Anthony had set up the lights a few weeks back , and now he got a chance to use them ) . The officers were great and did a wonderful job of controlling the traffic . Some people proved to be the typical California drivers , as they attempted to jump into the line , but the officers managed to get them out . Fortunately , no tickets were issued , as far as I could tell . We pulled into the Paramount Studios lot and were given priority parking and then walked over to this black " gate " . The gate slid aside , kind of like an opening to a movie , and then there were all these people and a marching band waiting there to greet us . The walk into the garden like area was really fun , with so many people shouting , " Thank you ! " and holding signs of welcome . Then we have to go around another wall / gate and we finally see the garden area . The tables are all set and we are given a number of welcomes by several different people , and fortunately all their speeches were short . They had a bunch of different celebrities to greet us and a really nice part was that Jason and I actually know some of them . I think Tom Arnold was the first person I was able to speak with , and I reminded him of where we had met prior ( Ames , Iowa , for the Special Olympics , back in 2006 ) . I also saw Kelly Carlson , and Joe Mantegna , both of whom made it a point to come over and give us a hug and say hello . Actually , the rest of the day and into the night Kelly was coming by to make sure we were comfortable and had everything we needed . It was good to see Dan there , with her , as he is a great guy and a Navy Seal to boot . I attempted to get some pictures , and will do my best to get some of them up , over the next several days . Even Bob Hamer was there , and we hadn 't seen him in a few months . There was a special showing of the movie , Forest Gump , and as you might guess , Tom Hanks was even there . The only down part was that he didn 't stay very long , and so I didn 't get much of a chance to talk with him , or even get an autograph . The movie was fun to watch , and they have remastered it with digital and in watching it I remembered a bunch of the stuff about the movie that made me enjoy it the first time . Once the movie was over we all came out to enjoy a great dinner and have some time to socialize again with the rest of the people and more celebrities . Finally , the day was coming to an end and it was time for the big show and performance by the Lt . Dan Band , with Gary Sinise . Jason was feeling good still , so we went to go see the show , out on the back lot , at Paramount . Getting to the show was another walk through crowds of people and this time we had like a ticker tape effect with all this blown confetti coming down on us . Gary put on a wonderful show and we were able to stay for about eight of the songs , and then Jason was ready to get going . The experience was very positive and both Jason and I had a great time . I think that having Linda there would have made it better , so if there is another show to be invited to I am hoping that she is able to go with us . Speaking of Linda , tomorrow morning I will be flying up to Livermore to go help her with the work on the house . Once the work is done we will be headed back down here to San Diego and help Jason with the rest of his transition with the Marines , and more immediately with the recovering from his upcoming surgery . I don 't know how well I will be able to keep up with the updates on the blog , while up in Livermore , so please accept my apologies , if I should have days without updates . Actually I would really like to get the next two updates in , as it will bring me to the 900 post on this blog . Thank you , for all the continued prayer and support . Take care and stay positive . Jason has been enjoying a pretty good time with visiting all these great folks . He has been able to socialize and tell some of his favorite jokes ( ones I 've heard probably a hundred times now ) and do things he usually doesn 't get a chance to do . The accommodations are good , though we did have to move to a different room , due to the need for a better shower situation . About the only down side to this adventure is that he has not been able to enjoy the rides . Originally , we were told that there were a few rides that would accommodate his chair , and he should be able to go on . As it turned out ( using their words ) , " Because he has no lower extremities we can safely secure him in the ride . " Jason was disappointed , as was I , though you could tell our guide was embarrassed by the development . All of this was over on the California Adventure side , and we found out the the Littlest Mermaid was the only ride that would be available for Jason . Jason accepted this , as he does with most things , so we ( we were in a group of 7 plus the guide ) continued to go about the park . I did go on one ride , and that was the first ride we attempted - one that Jason really didn 't want to go on anyway , and then found out after that , that rides were restricted , at the next ride . The group walked over to the new Race Track Ride , from the movie Cars , and while Jason and I were waiting there I saw Gary Sinise being escorted through . Since it was his invitation that got us there I called over to him , and he came over to speak with us . He spent several minutes with us talking and then I told him that Jason was not able to go on any of the rides , other than the mermaid one . The security detail guys all looked a little embarrassed and did some fast checking and came back to tell us that the Jungle Cruse would be a ride he could go on . Gary had to get going at this point and his escort told our guide where to meet up with him . So , once the rest of our group came off the next ride , we all walked over to the performance of the " Green Soldiers " ( from Toy Story ) and met up again with Gary . Next stop , the Jungle Cruse , with Gary Sinise and his escort leading the way . It was kind of cool , actually . Lots of people looking at us and wondering who we were , with some of them recognizing Gary . Anyway , Jason got on the Jungle Cruse and we had a good time . It was a nice easy ride and about the only one who was experiencing some concern was Gracie , as I don 't think she has ever been on water before . Gary separated from us , at this point , as he was attempting to get with as many of the Wounded Warriors as he could . Our group of seven decided that we needed to get some lunch now , so we went over to the Carnation Restaurant , on Main Street . We had a nice complimentary lunch , courtesy of the Gary Sinise Foundation and Disneyland , and then Jason and I headed back to the hotel . This is where we got a chance to see our " new " room , with a more accommodating shower . Jason immediately laid down and in a few minutes was sound asleep . He puts up a good front , but he is constantly working his back and abdominal muscles , just to be able to sit up in the chair . All of this takes a great deal of energy , and he gets worn down after a few hours . So , he slept for a little over an hour and then woke up . There was one more thing The event was the retiring of the colors , in the Town Square , or Main Street Square , or whatever they call it . . . its right in front close to the entrance . Jason was right up front , and again was sitting with his other buddies and got to socialize more . It was a nice presentation and recognition to all the branches of the service . After this was a special presentation for the Hollywood Salutes Heroes group , at the Lincoln theater . They , the park , shut it down , so that we could have it to ourselves . From here we went to dinner , and then back to the hotel . At this point we came back to the room and Jason was able to take a shower . I was pleased with the wounds , and happy that it didn 't look like too much damage had happened . It was a little later in the evening now , so we both pretty much called it a day . It was a good day , and we enjoyed the visit to Disneyland and California Adventure . Jason was scoping out everything he could , to determine how to best enjoy a visit with the girls . About the only thing that I goofed on was my Fitbit . I nearly reached 15 , 000 steps when I took it off my belt , and then shortly after that I had to take Gracie back out . I think I would have hit that mark had I left it on . Oh , well , next time . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Jason had a good start to the day and we were all ready to go , almost exactly at noon , and that is when I wanted to be headed north , to Anaheim . We had a lite breakfast , and effectively no lunch , so we were both kind of hungry when we arrived , but then I 'm getting a little ahead of myself . Anthony Netto arrived right on time and we loaded up the truck and the van and that all went without a hitch . He had bought a new type cover for the two paramobile units he is carrying , and it works great . It is kind of a heavy , almost canvas , cover that we can tie down - very effective . The drive up was good , and much less traffic than anticipated . We wanted to arrive at about 15 : 00 ( 3pm ) and showed up at13 : 30 ( 1 : 30pm ) . Because we were so early , and no one else was there , it seemed there was a little confusion , but that got corrected quickly . Disney runs a pretty good organization . The rest of the group , from Salute to the Heros , by The Gary Sinise Foundation showed up at almost 16 : 00 ( 4pm ) , and we finally were able to go in . It was very similar to the Salute to the Troops welcome with the exception of the fact that we were actually there this time . Jason was in the front of the line and therefore we were also the first into the main ballroom where we could get something to eat . It wasn 't a regular meal , but it was some nice fresh fruit and cookies , and something to drink . They went through the greetings and we got to see some familiar faces , including Jason Redman , who has become a good friend of Jason 's . The next stop was for dinner at Bubba Gumps , where everyone seemed to have a great time . We found out there that the next day ( today ) we will be heading over to Disneyland park and have an executive guide with us . We will be a part of six , so it will be a nice small party and we can get the attention that we just might need . Right now we 're getting ready to head down for breakfast , and see about getting this show on the road . Not sure just how much of Disneyland Jason is going to be able to enjoy , but we ready to give it a shot . Thank you , for all the continued prayers and support . Take care and stay positive . Not much going on with Jason today , other than the regular dressing change and staying in bed for most of the day . I washed the van today , and it looks pretty good , at least a lot cleaner ( glad to have that dog hair out of the van ) . I wanted to be sure the van was in better shape for our trip up to Los Angeles tomorrow . It is going to be a busy couple of weeks for us , or I should say busy for the next three weeks . I expect things to slow down a bit after the surgery on the 20th . We did go out for Chinese food tonight , as that is something we haven 't done in a long time . The last time I was out on the bike I cam across this restaurant and wanted to try it out , so we did . I told Jason that the Super Bowl was still on ( just about the end of the third quarter ) so they shouldn 't be busy . Besides it was already pretty clear that the Broncos decided to not show up for the game . I don 't want to detract from the abilities of the Seahawks , but the Broncos were definitely in self destruct mode . Oh well , so much for a good football game , I believe it turned out the way it was supposed to . Anyway , we had the Chinese food and then came back to the house . We will be leaving around noon tomorrow for L . A . , and then back again on Thursday . I don 't know , right now , if I 'll be able to do much in the way of updates to the blog , while up there , but I 'll try . My main objective is to enjoy the time with Jason , focused on doing something different . Thank you , for all the continued prayer and support . Take care and stay positive . Jason pretty much stayed in bed today , and I think that was because of all the activity he was involved in yesterday . His spirits remain high and his attitude is strongly positive . Along with all of this the wounds slowly continue to heal . I guess that 's the most frustrating aspect of his recovery . Just as it looks like they are about to close , they begin to open again , or worse , the skin ruptures in a new location . Typically these ruptures are small , and only take a couple of weeks to close back up , they just tend to be frustrating . On the overall picture , things are looking better and I am still hopeful that most everything will be closed when he goes back in for surgery , on February 20 . On another front , Linda will be moved down here to San Diego on February 14 . I will be going up to help with some of the final packing ( she has been doing most of it with the help of many friends ) , and then driving the two of us back down on Valentines Day . She will be staying with Jason and I , AND the girls at the house here , until Jason 's new house is built . Not sure when that is going to happen , but we are hoping that it will be done by the end of this year . . . maybe a first Christmas in the new house . Tomorrow is going to be another day of relaxing and staying down , as he wants to be sure he is ready for the Hollywood Salute To The Troops , next week . We go up Monday and come back Thursday , and then shortly after that I will be going up to Livermore . This is all exciting developments for all of us , and especially for me . It will be great to have her back down here and we can be together again , like we 're supposed to be . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . |
I welcome all my family and dear friends to my place . This year has been a different one for me . And it is posted here in this blog . Along with the fun things that I get to do with the boys . The things that I get to make . The people I get to meet along the way . Life has been so very good to me . As always I have been blessed over and over . Please read and enjoy the musings of my life . Happy Thanksgiving y ' all ! Oh my , I love this time of year . Thanksgiving has got to be my most favorite holiday . I love cooking for all , getting the table decorated and using the good dishes . You know those dishes that you only use once or twice in a lifetime . I try to use ours more than that a year . We got up and had breakfast . And then get the turkey started . I don 't do turkey . I let Chuck have some hand in Thanksgiving , so he is in charge of that and the dressing . I don 't do dressing only because I just can 't make the stuff . I have once or twice , but other than that , nope . I had the cornbread already made . We got the turkey out , washed up and seasoned up . Ok , so this year we wanted a Cajun turkey . Fine with me , the spicier the better , but since we were feeding the rest of the family , it was better that we don 't make it too spicy . I have another turkey in the freezer , that one will be spicy for all of us . He sprayed it with cooking spray so it wouldn 't stick to the bag . Put it in the bag and let it go . He made some dressing , fresh sage and homemade cornbread , very good . Got that in the pan , and his turn for cooking was done . Everything was ready to go at 1 . We had the potatoes nice and warm . Sweet potatoes in crockpot # 1 and green beans in crockpot # 2 . Relish out , butter softened . Rolls cooked and ready to go . Everything was out and now let 's eat ! The kids in one room . Ah the good ole days . . . . The others in the kitchen My father - in - law asked for more mac and cheese . It was the pototoes , but I guess there was enough cheese in them for anyone to think they were mac and cheese . Now all that was left was the mess that needed to be cleaned up , a little game of football , a little time with cousins , a cup of coffee and dessert , conversation with parents , and a time to smile and rest Nap time ! Clean up , go home and go back for more . Wednesday before Thanksgiving has been a day that I have been off for the past 4 years . Things change , jobs change , so I had to work that night . But that didn 't stop me from cooking all day Wednesday . I laid in bed planning out my attack , start with the things that would not take so long in the oven and go from there . I knew what needed to be made , I knew what I had to do , it was just getting it all started . I also wanted everything done , so that way the only 2 things left to be done on Thursday would be the turkey and dressing , no stuffing though : ( . I got up and made breakfast , biscuits and gravy for all . Why not ? We are all home , let 's have a nice breakfast before I take control of the kitchen . Chuck sat in his chair most of the day , barking orders to the boys as to what needed to be cleaned . I cooked while they cleaned . It was a very busy day . Very busy , and I had to work that night . So , I started out with the green beans , we all know they are just green beans , but in the South , you cook them all day long . Add some bacon , salt and pepper and let them cook until there is no water , add more water and cook some more . It really is an all day process . Not like what I was used to growing up , open the can , heat them up , put butter on them . Totally different . I started them because of the fact that we were eating at 1 on Thursday and there wasn 't enough time to have them done the right way . My game plan was to cook them and then the next day put them in the crockpot . Next I thought the cake would be a good idea . It had to cool completely before cutting into it to divide it . So , bake that first and then let that cool . While that was cooking , I had the cream cheese out for the filling and all that went into it . It was a Pumpkin Spice cake with this cream filling . Now when it was time to serve it , I put caramel and pecans over top of it . This was really good ! While the cake was cooking , I washed and scrubbed and pierced the potatoes for the Twice Baked Potato Casserole . I made this last Christmas and it was a hit . My dadPosted by I have been so stinkin ' busy , that I haven 't had time to breath here lately . But before I go into work today I thought I would share with you our new furniture . Last Saturday Chuck decided that he was going to look at stuff for the bedroom and the great room . We bought a new plasma in February and it has been on the wall . You get tired of looking at the wires from everything laying around everywhere . And with Thanksgiving coming , we wanted the house to look really nice . So , he finds 2 things that are needed in the house . I will show them in a minute . This was in Eric 's room , which is now in PJ 's roomThis was orginally my dresser and growing up this is what I used . When we got married , we used it for years . Ok , so since Eric lost his dresser , which he was really attached to . He got our old dresserNow , we bought this when we bought the house . The one that we were using was old and falling apart and it was time for an upgrade . I made those curtains in his room . They were the first ones I ever made . Ok , so Chuck goes shopping and finds this : It is gorgeous . I love it . It opens up to a place where a rod hangs . He picked this out so that way the clothes that were in the dresser could be put on hangers and put up . Not in the closet that was so tightly packed as it was . I got rid of some clothes and cleaned a lot of stuff that I packed around for years . Things that really aren 't needed . The chair in the corner was Chuck 's great grandparents or great - great grandparents . Not sure , all I know it is old . And I haven 't gotten the other curtains done , but one window is complete . I have been cleaning and haven 't had time to get the other window done yet , but I am very pleased with the one window . Now since we moved all the furniture in the great room , it is a bit more cozier and smaller . But it is the warmest room in the house in the winter , and coolest one in the summer . So , it was a smart move . Anyway , like I said , we bought the plasma and it has been on the wall . Kinda of a pain to look at it , to hang it too was rough . But the wPosted by Funny , ever since my dad moved down here I see the boys eat more things that are different to the area . PJ is the one that will try something and then end up liking it . He loves Boar 's Head mustard and potato chips . He and my dad will go through a 1 / 2 bag in no time . But they have to be kettle chips , they can 't be the ruffles . When my dad moved down here 7 years ago , he brought some foods with him that were different . He would go to NYC and get a kielbasa , the real thing . Oh my , PJ went nuts over that . He loves pierogies , that is my kid , and he realized that he loves My dad brought it over once , a few years ago . Now , no one else liked it , but PJ and I ate it up . Then I started finding this at The Fresh Market . I bought it a few times and then forgot about it . A few weeks ago at Publix , while I was getting the lunch meat , there it was Oh my goodness , I had to buy it . I just had to get it . Ok , so I buy it , tell him about it when he gets home , Eric snarls his nose at it , Chuck says " I don 't see the big deal . " PJ is on the floor begging for a piece . " Please make some for breakfast for me , please . I will pay anything . " Not a problem , I know he likes the stuff . But little did I know how much . The following week , I am at the deli again , and decided again that it was not a big deal for me to buy more Taylor Ham or Pork Roll . Depending on where you are from in NJ , is what you call it . I am from the middle of the state , so I call it either one . Anyway , I get home , PJ gets home and starts looking for it . He knew I went shopping and he knew what I was buying . Well , last week I decided that I was not gonna buy any Taylor Ham this week . But I spotted the box in with the breakfast meats . I went ahead and bought that . PJ , once again , came home and started rummaging through the drawer looking for " his " Taylor Ham . I showed him the box and he commented , " all mine ! " How funny is that ! Ok , so it is a Jersey thing . Along with Freeman 's Bakery with their powdered sugar crumb cakes , butterscotch krimpets and Tastykakes , don 't forget rePosted by As I mentioned before , we have been in our house for 8 years . And of course I made all kinds of curtains for the house . Eric was first and his are of the moon and stars . It took him forever to pick out the material . He searched and searched for the right stuff , because he knew that he would have to live with it for a long time . I paid full price for them . I didn 't know any better , so I got the fabric from Wal - Mart , and was very happy with the outcome . PJ finally got rid of the rid vine curtains this past year . I found some really outdoorsy fabric at Wilson when they had their Spring sale . It was only $ 1 a yard , for some very heavy duty fabric . He loves it and he is very happy with his curtains . It keeps the lightening out during storms , but still lets the morning sun in on nice days . Our bathroom got some curtains last year , right after Christmas . We lived with these awful curtains in there , and I found this stuff when a local place was going out of business . I was afraid that I didn 't get enough , but it worked out nicely . As for the other bathroom , you have seen what I have done in there . I am really happy with what I have been able to do . But now , we have done nothing to our bedroom . Living with curtains that don 't match . A set that I bought when we lived in Knoxville and then something that I picked up a few years ago . Couldn 't find what I wanted to put in there , didn 't want to spend the money that they were charging for them , or just didn 't feel like buying anything at all . So , for 8 years , we have had mismatched curtains . Now , we won 't have to worry about that . I bought that material from Wilson 's and was very happy with the choice . I knew what I wanted to do . But I only had 15 yards , I really wanted some that went to the floor , but I didn 't have that much to make them with . And once again , I am not good with measurements , so , I had to hem and haw over the length of them . I measured once , measured again , and measured once more . Added the hem and the top inches and thought it through one more time . Finally , IPosted by Ok , before posting any pics about what I got . I need to tell you a story first . Not a long one , but still in all , a story . When my dad moved down here in 2001 , I spotted this fabulous dough board that I just loved . I told him that when he dies I was getting that board . He did everything on that dough board . All of his pie doughs , bread doughs , cookies , pierogi dough , babka dough and whatever else he made . He used that board all the time . I loved it , and I wanted it . He bought himself a very nice bread machine , so , he didn 't use that board as much . I asked and asked for it , but he didn 't want to give it up . He still made pierogis and babkas , so he " kneaded " it . Ha ha , a little baker 's humor . Yesterday we went on our shopping trip . This time it was my turn to drive . He got over to the house , grabbed a cup of coffee , moved his car , got his bags and waited on me . I got out there and got everything in the car , ready to go . He told me , " there is something in the back seat for you . " Ok , I thought he was talking about my car . I have the Pizza Hut topper in the back of my car . But he was talking about his car , he unlocked the door and I went to the car to find this : I was so excited ! I couldn 't wait to get it in the house , but we had to go shopping . All the way down he told me how he made it . Not to use any water on it , don 't cut any meats on it , only use it for dough and that is all . He told me how he bought a small sander , sanded it , and then the thing blew up on him . He took that back to the store . He told me how he got the wood for this too . He said that he was talking to the man at Home Depot , the one that sells the heating units , he had some wood from New Zealand that was left over and asked if my dad wanted it . He won 't turn down anything like that . He would find something to do with it and he did . He told me what happened to his . Turns out , his fell apart . He had it for years , but the craftsmanship wasn 't his up to his standard . It lasted a long time and he used it many times . Now I have some dough boards , but theyPosted by We have lived here 8 years . I love my house . It isn 't snotty or snooty . It isn 't a dump or a hole in the wall either . It is perfect for all of us . It suits our needs and we have the most property then most of the people that live on the same street . People would love to have the land that we have . Over the years we have done some things to the house . Painted the all white living room , all oil paint living room , to green and brown . I love the pecan color , it is a nice accent wall . We have painted Eric 's room , painted the kitchen , put new flooring down in the kitchen , tore up the carpeting in the living room and moved our main stuff into the great room . I have also made curtains for most of the house . My first project was the shower curtain for the bathroom . My neighbor showed me how to sew and she helped me create the shower curtain , all 7 yards of it . I liked it , took me a long time to pick out the fabric , and I was proud to show it off . A few months ago , I decided that I was really tired of all that fabric hanging there , catching all the dust , toothpaste and hairspray . And that I was gonna do something different with it . I couldn 't find the fabric for the curtains , I got tired of the little topper that was hanging there , so I decided to take the shower curtain down and do something with it . I knew what I wanted , it was just creating it that was gonna be a slight problem . All the measuring and numbers are not my strong point , so I had to think about all of this for a while and then go from there . I knew that I wanted a topper for the shower and of course curtains for the window . It was just figuring out all that I needed for it . So , I came up with this . Now the first time I made it , it didn 't measure evenly across . It was a little off , so I had to take it down and work on it . I got it right . Ok , now the window was next . I made 2 curtains and hung them up , but I didn 't like the way they looked with the mini blinds , I am really trying to get rid of all of them . I hate them . But the one in the bathroom was dusty , anPosted by . . . . not the Trolley , my central heat and air unit . Yep , that is the noise that we heard out of it yesterday while Chuck and I were sitting around . We went outside , heard this awful noise , turned it down and went on our way . Thought that it was something that was not coming back . BUT . . . . We heard it again today and decided to call to have them come out and look at it . They told us it would be between 2 and 5 when they got here . As with the refrigerator , it was closer to 5 , isn 't that the way it always happens ? Before they came out I called the utilities to talk to them about financing a new unit . They charge $ 7K for them to finance it through a bank , pay on that for 10 years at 6 % interest . Ok , that is a lot of money . The guy comes out and looks at the unit , it is the outdoor motor fan that has gone out on it . It will cost a bit over $ 400 to fix it , but , and I mean BUT . . . . the unit is 16 years old and at this point it could nickel and dime us to death . Time to make a decision . Now Chuck is at work and I hate making any decision without him being here . I forget to ask questions and then I have to go back and ask them . I look like a retard , but he isn 't here to ask , so I have to ask . They do finance , but at a 17 . 9 % rate , no matter what your credit rating is , but this is for 5 years , not 10 like the utilities . Also it is $ 2000 less than what the utilities charge . Big difference , but the interest rate is outrageous ! What to do , what to do ? We decided to get it fixed and then when the next problem occurs , go from there . It could be tomorrow or 3 years down the road . The unit is supposed to last for 20 years , so I would rather take the chance and wait , then to put out that kind of money right now . At least in the winter time , you can buy heaters . If it happens in the summer , it has to be fixed , no matter what . We have been busy with all kinds of school projects . Eric has had some fun with his , they are more detailed oriented and gives him a challenge too . When school started I knew that we would have some projects , I just didn 't expect to have so many this far into the school year . So , let 's start with Eric . Eric 's Geography class had to draw a map from home to school . He had to have the route that we take everyday to school . Ok , not too bad , but he wanted to add more to it . The first draft came out ok , but Eric started to color the streets black , and made a complete mess of it . So , I sketched out another one , showed him how to do the streets and gave him places that the landmarks are at . He had to have a compass rose on it and a key of what everything was . He got 103 on it . The teacher was very pleased with the amount of work he did put into this . Eric also had a car to make in Engineering Tech ( shop ) class . He had so much fun with this . He got the wood and drew out what he wanted . This was the class that Chuck went to help out at . He helped them cut the cars out and then the kids would bring them home to sand and paint . In the long run , Eric 's came out pretty cool . Add wheels to it , and he was on his way . They put an airgun in the back of it and shot it on to a strip . His did pretty good , got another 100 on that too . Ok , so now the fun one for all of us to see how it works . Eric came home a few weeks ago and told us that he had a project for Science class . Ok , what can this be ? ? ? ? A rubberized egg . He was so excited that he had to start it right away . He had a paper that he had to follow the instructions on and to list all that he saw happening to the egg . Use vinegar , what kind , what kind of egg . . . . you know , they want all details . So he started it , observed it , kept notes on it . Didn 't follow directions all the way through and tried to bounce it . SPLAT ! That one didn 't work . I missed it , I was at work , but I did think it was rather funny . Now , let 's start all over again and follow all of the directions . This time he Posted by Oh I am so proud of PJ and his love for chorus . He makes sure that every Friday he is there on time for practice . He walks around the house singing the songs that he has learned and loves what he is doing . What he doesn 't realize is that this opens the door for him to join choir and drama in Middle School . This is a good opportuntity for him . Well , I worked last night and got home after they went to bed . I know that PJ is not a sleeper right away , so I knew that he was up . I walked down the hallway , asked him if he was still awake and I get this bright eyed response - - - " Oh yes mommy ! But I have to ask you a question . " Ok , I am game , " What is it buddy ? " " Well , I don 't know if I want to try out for Santa or sing a solo . What do you think ? " I told him that either one would be great to get and that maybe he should try out for both , just in case he didn 't get the other . He said , " I asked Mrs . James if she could wait until Monday for my decision , that I had to talk it over with you before I decided on anything . " HA HA ! I love it . We did talk , and when I finally got out of his room , " Mommy , thanks for the advice , I knew you would have the right answer . " Now , he knows that if he doesn 't get a part this year , that next year he stands a better chance at it , because he will be in 5th grade . But , deep down inside , I hope he gets something . I will let y ' all know what happens with this part of his very busy life ! For the past several months , my dad and I head to Publix in Chattanooga for our shopping . It started out once a month and now we go every other Monday . I like it , it is time together and time for us to just talk about anything . We have a good time . This past week we hit Sam 's and then went shopping . He goes his way , I go mine and in the end , we always meet up . But as we were talking on Monday , I realized that when Sam 's and Publix come to Cleveland , there goes our dates . There goes our shopping trips . Although I love the fact that both stores will be coming to town , I know that our time together like that will come to an end . So , I have to make the most of it while I can . When we were driving down the road this time , my dad asked if I had ever been to Robbinsville NC . I told him that I hadn 't , but may take the boys for a ride one day out there . He mentioned that he and his wife were gonna go Monday , just for a cup of coffee and a nice ride . I thought that was nice , it isn 't all that far and just to get out of the house for a little while together is fun . But when we got back to the house , he asked , " Are you off Monday ? " And I usually am and of course next week I am off Monday . But I didn 't want to break it to him that I didn 't want to go anywhere with his wife , so I didn 't push the issue . But he told me that if he could get everything together , he and I will go for coffee to Robbinsville NC , leave about 8 : 30and be back by about 1 . Well , that was nice of him to offer . He said , " don 't call the house asking about it , I don 't want any trouble for going anywhere with you . " That is fine , I won 't call and ask , I will just plan on going with him and my handy , dandy camera . Hopefully , we will be able to keep our monthly trips to where ever when the stores open in town . I haven 't been online much . I am either too tired when I get home or just don 't want to be bothered with anything . I do read my blogs on my phone , along with emails and other things . But posting a blog from my phone is just a pain in the neck . Anyways , Chuck went to the Dr 's last week after he had a very expensive MRI done . No wonder people don 't go to the dr 's , it is a fortune . Everytime Chuck steps foot in the Dr 's office it is $ 88 , that is the 20 % that we have to pay to meet the deductible . WOW ! Can you imagine how much a bill would be if you didn 't have insurance ! Anyway , he has an inpingement on his right shoulder . Basically it is where there tendon came loose and knotted up , I can feel the lump right under the skin . So , he can wait a few month and do the surgery or he can do it shortly . He had decided on waiting until after Christmas , but the PT would move into next year , and that is a new deductible . But then the pain started to get really bad , so he bumped it up to Dec 9th . That will be good for all of us . The boys get out of school for break around the 19th or so , and Chuck isn 't planning on going back to work until New Year 's Day . I don 't mind him being at home . He needs the rest anyways . The surgery is non - evasive . If he waited , he stood the chance of everything coming unraveled and then tearing the rotator cuff . This way is it taken care of sooner , no major surgery . And the Dr . is planning on having him in PT the following week . If he was to go back to work any sooner , it would be on very limited duty . Well , I think that some time off will do him good . We all need a break sometimes , so he gets his at the holidays . That is nice though . So , when I find more out , you will know too . Please keep him in your prayers . I will keep you updated . The boys and I took off for a ride on Election Day . They were off , so was I . So , I decided to head to Wilson 's Fabrics . Twice a year they have a sale on their fabric . It is not the stuff at Wal - Mart , this is drapery material , upholstery material , interior design stuff . Heavy duty stuff . In the Spring we went and found material for PJ 's curtains , $ 1 a yard , bought 12 yards and still have some left over . This time I wanted to find something for our bedroom . We have been here 8 years and still don 't have matching curtains in our room . So , I thought I was gonna find something . I searched and searched , asked Eric what he thought of things , while PJ decided to talk politics . HA ! I was there forever , or what seemed like forever looking at all the fabrics . I knew I didn 't want any flowers , that wouldn 't be really fair to Chuck , so that was off the list . I didn 't want anything really bright , yellows , or things in that color range , so that was off the list too . It came down to 2 different kind of striped fabric . One had blue and red in it , I liked it , and at $ 5 a yard , you can 't go bad . But the other had more color in it , green , red , muted colors , and at $ 3 a yard , you really can 't go wrong . This is what came home with me . Less than $ 50 for 4 windows . Now , I just have to get started on them . And with Thanksgiving coming up , the windows may have to be put on hold . It waas a gorgeous day for the pretty ride that we had got to take . I got to the gas station on the corner , down the road from the fabric store and was shocked to see that gas was $ 2 . 06 a gallon . Oh my , I had to fill up . That lasted me the entire week ! It is just now down to that level here in town . Took almost 2 weeks for us to get it at that price . But on our way home , we got coffee and cocoa and enjoyed our ride out and about . I know the area well , I always take my camera with me , but never seem to take the time to stop and look around . White Oak mountain is the backway around the interstate and it can get very busy , so I really don 't take much of a chance to tPosted by I am warning y ' all up front , this isn 't gonna be pretty . If you don 't want to read it , just go on your way , no hard feelings . But I have something to say , and after what I saw this morning , I am gonna say it . # 1 I voted for Barack Hussain Obama . You know the middle name is just a name , no one knew anything of Saddam Hussain when his parents picked that name for him . It is just a name , just coincedence that his middle name is the same as a very evil man . One has nothing to do with another . His name is not Osama Bin Laden , not Saddam Hussain . He is an American , he is a smart man , and even though he is liberal , he will bring about change in this country . # 2 For the stupid ass , inconsiderate , idiot that took a knife to my sign , I know you aren 't reading this because your intelligence level not even on the radar . How dare you come into my yard and tear up a sign stating whom I support . You didn 't go anywhere else on this street and do it , but you thought it was ok to show your displeasure of my choice for President and tear it up . What era do you live in ? What decade are you from ? What is next ? Burning a cross in my front yard ? ? ? ? ? ? This is the year 2008 , we don 't live in the 60 's or even the 70 's , we don 't have separate water fountains or eating places anymore . We are one nation . Everyone has a right to their opinion , mine is that I support Obama / Biden . Grow up ! Accept the fact that a black man may be our next President , accept the fact that all races have the right to set a goal and reach for it , accept the fact that you are not the only race out there . All you see is that he is a black man . All you see is that he will enslave the white race , all you know is the garbage that you hear , that you read on the internet , all you know is that having a black man as the President is not right . # 3 If Barack Obama wins , can you imagine the doors that will be open for other races to run for President . What I am wondering is this . . . If Bobby Jindal , Republican governor of Louisana , an American with Indian parents , and I mean , HiPosted by Ok , I am a day late with this , but by the time I got to the computer last night , I was too tired to even blog about anything . I was too stinkin ' tired . I had to be at work yesterday at 11 and I was hoping that I would get out of there on time to have some time with the boys . I was scheduled out at 6 , I worked the night before until 8 , I was only to be there until 6 . But because of scheduling , I stayed until 8 . Being Halloween and being a Friday , we all thought that we were gonna be busy . I had my moments , I worked alone until 3 and then they started piling in . By 5 we had 6 drivers on and only 2 deliveries , not good . I never saw the screen get filled up , I never saw more than 5 on the screen at once . So , at 6 : 30 , I left . Now , I called my dad earlier to have him take the boys to Trunk or Treat . If you don 't know what this is , it is where people get together , decorate their trunks and give out candy , puzzles , or whatever . We have gone the last 3 years , it is a safe environment for the kids , they have food , and inflatables there . So , they have fun . I wanted them to go there too . My dad said that he would take them , little did I know the hell that I would catch for letting them go there . This is from a Church of God in town . They sponser this and they always do a good job . But # 1 , Eric was dressed as the Emperor of Evil . A costume that had purple and a silly little necklace , nothing evil about it . PJ was Dracula , again , and he did his own makeup , I should have gotten a pic , but I didn 't . Too cute . But my dad 's wife wasn 't all too happy with the " scary " costumes or the music , Christian rock , that was being played at the Trunk or Treat , or the layout of the entire thing . Christians celebrating Halloween , how could they ? We don 't celebrate anything , we go and have fun , collect candy and then go through all that we got . They got home right before I left work . That didn 't take long ! So , after meeting up with Chuck ( read the blog before this one ) I got home , and then took them to the mall . Now , the mall is a great place . SPosted by I have been with Pizza Hut for 4 months now . I enjoy the job and getting out from behind a desk . I work my butt off too , but in the end , the tips are nice and the people are fun to see . I meet all kinds of people , and well , see all things too ! HA HAAnyway , yesterday I found out that my boss is willing to train a 17 year old girl for the next shift manager 's position . What a minute , that was supposed to be for me ! This girl can 't make change in her head , she can 't operate a computer well , she can prep stuff , but she has a hard time doing things in the store and is not very good with the customers . So , what in the world is going on ? I don 't know . I went to Chuck yesterday , crying and fussing about all of this . I was so mad , and so hurt over this that I just wanted to cry and that was it . But I had to get the boys to the mall , and I didn 't have time to feel sorry for myself , I had to go . Well , he knows how hard I work , he knows that I can handle this stuff , he knows that I will pull this into shape . But that is not what my boss wants . She doesn 't want any feathers ruffled , any waves made or any employees unhappy . So , she gets these ideas that she can have this people in there that do the job as lazy and sloppy as can be and then complains about it . I will make waves , I will ruffle the feathers , I will tell the employees what to do , when to do it , and how to do it . I am not a drill seargent , but I have worked in the ' real world ' I know what it is like to work a job and to impress people . Get to work on time , leave on time , don 't take breaks that are too long . I don 't stand around chomping the bit while others work , I work . I work my butt off too . But that didn 't impress my boss . Ok , so now what . I was told a month ago that she could train me and then ship me to another store or she can get me through my books and have me when she is ready . I will stay a driver if that is the case . I am not leaving town because she doesn 't need me right now , can 't afford me , or just doesn 't want me . That hurts and it is very hard on mPosted by Sometime last year , the city banned trucks with 5 axles or more off one certain road in town . The logging trucks would drive way too fast down there , not use the road that is for more commercial traffic . There aren 't any lights on this one sretch and they thought that they could get to where they were going faster . But after one house was nearly ripped in half by an accident involving my friend and a logging truck , and one spot where the logging truck turned over , the city decided that there needed to be no more trucks . Very good idea , this one street isn 't mainly residential , but there are houses on it , churches and businesses . I thought at the time that it would be a great idea that they do that on our street . All residential , maybe one or 2 very small , local businesses . No reason for an 18 wheeler to drive through this area . The truck fly down this very busy street because there aren 't any lights at all , and they really can get to their destination quicker . About 3 weeks ago , Chuck and I were on our way back from somewhere , driving down our road , and I noticed that the Public Works Dept was putting up the poles . Turns out they were also putting up signs . " No trucks , 5 axles or more . " Yippee ! They finally realized that this area didn 't need to have all that major traffic in this area . A few nights ago the boys were watching tv , PJ came running to us , " Um , there is a truck on the street , and there is a little one with yellow lights on . " Ok , from the start of our road to the very end , there are signs everywhere stating no trucks . This one guy decided he didn 't have to obey the signs and kept on going . You know , he got caught , right in front of the house . They had to re - route traffic , have him back up , go onto one street , back up and then take the next street over to get off this road and get to the 4 lane that he should have been using in the first place . Chuck commented that it would be a good thing if they enforce this , and apparently they are enforcing it . I have noticed that it is very quiet now in the morningPosted by I am a full time mom , full time employee , full time friend . I hold those that are dear to me , close to me . I treasure the friendships that I have made online , and the friend that has been by my side for over 30 years . I love my family dearly , protect my boys , kiss on my husband daily , deal with everyday issues like the rest of us . I am a real person and I blog about my real life experiences . Everything that I blog about is real and does happen . Life is too short to not be true to yourself and to others . |
I welcome all my family and dear friends to my place . This year has been a different one for me . And it is posted here in this blog . Along with the fun things that I get to do with the boys . The things that I get to make . The people I get to meet along the way . Life has been so very good to me . As always I have been blessed over and over . Please read and enjoy the musings of my life . Happy Thanksgiving y ' all ! Oh my , I love this time of year . Thanksgiving has got to be my most favorite holiday . I love cooking for all , getting the table decorated and using the good dishes . You know those dishes that you only use once or twice in a lifetime . I try to use ours more than that a year . We got up and had breakfast . And then get the turkey started . I don 't do turkey . I let Chuck have some hand in Thanksgiving , so he is in charge of that and the dressing . I don 't do dressing only because I just can 't make the stuff . I have once or twice , but other than that , nope . I had the cornbread already made . We got the turkey out , washed up and seasoned up . Ok , so this year we wanted a Cajun turkey . Fine with me , the spicier the better , but since we were feeding the rest of the family , it was better that we don 't make it too spicy . I have another turkey in the freezer , that one will be spicy for all of us . He sprayed it with cooking spray so it wouldn 't stick to the bag . Put it in the bag and let it go . He made some dressing , fresh sage and homemade cornbread , very good . Got that in the pan , and his turn for cooking was done . Everything was ready to go at 1 . We had the potatoes nice and warm . Sweet potatoes in crockpot # 1 and green beans in crockpot # 2 . Relish out , butter softened . Rolls cooked and ready to go . Everything was out and now let 's eat ! The kids in one room . Ah the good ole days . . . . The others in the kitchen My father - in - law asked for more mac and cheese . It was the pototoes , but I guess there was enough cheese in them for anyone to think they were mac and cheese . Now all that was left was the mess that needed to be cleaned up , a little game of football , a little time with cousins , a cup of coffee and dessert , conversation with parents , and a time to smile and rest Nap time ! Clean up , go home and go back for more . Wednesday before Thanksgiving has been a day that I have been off for the past 4 years . Things change , jobs change , so I had to work that night . But that didn 't stop me from cooking all day Wednesday . I laid in bed planning out my attack , start with the things that would not take so long in the oven and go from there . I knew what needed to be made , I knew what I had to do , it was just getting it all started . I also wanted everything done , so that way the only 2 things left to be done on Thursday would be the turkey and dressing , no stuffing though : ( . I got up and made breakfast , biscuits and gravy for all . Why not ? We are all home , let 's have a nice breakfast before I take control of the kitchen . Chuck sat in his chair most of the day , barking orders to the boys as to what needed to be cleaned . I cooked while they cleaned . It was a very busy day . Very busy , and I had to work that night . So , I started out with the green beans , we all know they are just green beans , but in the South , you cook them all day long . Add some bacon , salt and pepper and let them cook until there is no water , add more water and cook some more . It really is an all day process . Not like what I was used to growing up , open the can , heat them up , put butter on them . Totally different . I started them because of the fact that we were eating at 1 on Thursday and there wasn 't enough time to have them done the right way . My game plan was to cook them and then the next day put them in the crockpot . Next I thought the cake would be a good idea . It had to cool completely before cutting into it to divide it . So , bake that first and then let that cool . While that was cooking , I had the cream cheese out for the filling and all that went into it . It was a Pumpkin Spice cake with this cream filling . Now when it was time to serve it , I put caramel and pecans over top of it . This was really good ! While the cake was cooking , I washed and scrubbed and pierced the potatoes for the Twice Baked Potato Casserole . I made this last Christmas and it was a hit . My dadPosted by I have been so stinkin ' busy , that I haven 't had time to breath here lately . But before I go into work today I thought I would share with you our new furniture . Last Saturday Chuck decided that he was going to look at stuff for the bedroom and the great room . We bought a new plasma in February and it has been on the wall . You get tired of looking at the wires from everything laying around everywhere . And with Thanksgiving coming , we wanted the house to look really nice . So , he finds 2 things that are needed in the house . I will show them in a minute . This was in Eric 's room , which is now in PJ 's roomThis was orginally my dresser and growing up this is what I used . When we got married , we used it for years . Ok , so since Eric lost his dresser , which he was really attached to . He got our old dresserNow , we bought this when we bought the house . The one that we were using was old and falling apart and it was time for an upgrade . I made those curtains in his room . They were the first ones I ever made . Ok , so Chuck goes shopping and finds this : It is gorgeous . I love it . It opens up to a place where a rod hangs . He picked this out so that way the clothes that were in the dresser could be put on hangers and put up . Not in the closet that was so tightly packed as it was . I got rid of some clothes and cleaned a lot of stuff that I packed around for years . Things that really aren 't needed . The chair in the corner was Chuck 's great grandparents or great - great grandparents . Not sure , all I know it is old . And I haven 't gotten the other curtains done , but one window is complete . I have been cleaning and haven 't had time to get the other window done yet , but I am very pleased with the one window . Now since we moved all the furniture in the great room , it is a bit more cozier and smaller . But it is the warmest room in the house in the winter , and coolest one in the summer . So , it was a smart move . Anyway , like I said , we bought the plasma and it has been on the wall . Kinda of a pain to look at it , to hang it too was rough . But the wPosted by Funny , ever since my dad moved down here I see the boys eat more things that are different to the area . PJ is the one that will try something and then end up liking it . He loves Boar 's Head mustard and potato chips . He and my dad will go through a 1 / 2 bag in no time . But they have to be kettle chips , they can 't be the ruffles . When my dad moved down here 7 years ago , he brought some foods with him that were different . He would go to NYC and get a kielbasa , the real thing . Oh my , PJ went nuts over that . He loves pierogies , that is my kid , and he realized that he loves My dad brought it over once , a few years ago . Now , no one else liked it , but PJ and I ate it up . Then I started finding this at The Fresh Market . I bought it a few times and then forgot about it . A few weeks ago at Publix , while I was getting the lunch meat , there it was Oh my goodness , I had to buy it . I just had to get it . Ok , so I buy it , tell him about it when he gets home , Eric snarls his nose at it , Chuck says " I don 't see the big deal . " PJ is on the floor begging for a piece . " Please make some for breakfast for me , please . I will pay anything . " Not a problem , I know he likes the stuff . But little did I know how much . The following week , I am at the deli again , and decided again that it was not a big deal for me to buy more Taylor Ham or Pork Roll . Depending on where you are from in NJ , is what you call it . I am from the middle of the state , so I call it either one . Anyway , I get home , PJ gets home and starts looking for it . He knew I went shopping and he knew what I was buying . Well , last week I decided that I was not gonna buy any Taylor Ham this week . But I spotted the box in with the breakfast meats . I went ahead and bought that . PJ , once again , came home and started rummaging through the drawer looking for " his " Taylor Ham . I showed him the box and he commented , " all mine ! " How funny is that ! Ok , so it is a Jersey thing . Along with Freeman 's Bakery with their powdered sugar crumb cakes , butterscotch krimpets and Tastykakes , don 't forget rePosted by As I mentioned before , we have been in our house for 8 years . And of course I made all kinds of curtains for the house . Eric was first and his are of the moon and stars . It took him forever to pick out the material . He searched and searched for the right stuff , because he knew that he would have to live with it for a long time . I paid full price for them . I didn 't know any better , so I got the fabric from Wal - Mart , and was very happy with the outcome . PJ finally got rid of the rid vine curtains this past year . I found some really outdoorsy fabric at Wilson when they had their Spring sale . It was only $ 1 a yard , for some very heavy duty fabric . He loves it and he is very happy with his curtains . It keeps the lightening out during storms , but still lets the morning sun in on nice days . Our bathroom got some curtains last year , right after Christmas . We lived with these awful curtains in there , and I found this stuff when a local place was going out of business . I was afraid that I didn 't get enough , but it worked out nicely . As for the other bathroom , you have seen what I have done in there . I am really happy with what I have been able to do . But now , we have done nothing to our bedroom . Living with curtains that don 't match . A set that I bought when we lived in Knoxville and then something that I picked up a few years ago . Couldn 't find what I wanted to put in there , didn 't want to spend the money that they were charging for them , or just didn 't feel like buying anything at all . So , for 8 years , we have had mismatched curtains . Now , we won 't have to worry about that . I bought that material from Wilson 's and was very happy with the choice . I knew what I wanted to do . But I only had 15 yards , I really wanted some that went to the floor , but I didn 't have that much to make them with . And once again , I am not good with measurements , so , I had to hem and haw over the length of them . I measured once , measured again , and measured once more . Added the hem and the top inches and thought it through one more time . Finally , IPosted by Ok , before posting any pics about what I got . I need to tell you a story first . Not a long one , but still in all , a story . When my dad moved down here in 2001 , I spotted this fabulous dough board that I just loved . I told him that when he dies I was getting that board . He did everything on that dough board . All of his pie doughs , bread doughs , cookies , pierogi dough , babka dough and whatever else he made . He used that board all the time . I loved it , and I wanted it . He bought himself a very nice bread machine , so , he didn 't use that board as much . I asked and asked for it , but he didn 't want to give it up . He still made pierogis and babkas , so he " kneaded " it . Ha ha , a little baker 's humor . Yesterday we went on our shopping trip . This time it was my turn to drive . He got over to the house , grabbed a cup of coffee , moved his car , got his bags and waited on me . I got out there and got everything in the car , ready to go . He told me , " there is something in the back seat for you . " Ok , I thought he was talking about my car . I have the Pizza Hut topper in the back of my car . But he was talking about his car , he unlocked the door and I went to the car to find this : I was so excited ! I couldn 't wait to get it in the house , but we had to go shopping . All the way down he told me how he made it . Not to use any water on it , don 't cut any meats on it , only use it for dough and that is all . He told me how he bought a small sander , sanded it , and then the thing blew up on him . He took that back to the store . He told me how he got the wood for this too . He said that he was talking to the man at Home Depot , the one that sells the heating units , he had some wood from New Zealand that was left over and asked if my dad wanted it . He won 't turn down anything like that . He would find something to do with it and he did . He told me what happened to his . Turns out , his fell apart . He had it for years , but the craftsmanship wasn 't his up to his standard . It lasted a long time and he used it many times . Now I have some dough boards , but theyPosted by We have lived here 8 years . I love my house . It isn 't snotty or snooty . It isn 't a dump or a hole in the wall either . It is perfect for all of us . It suits our needs and we have the most property then most of the people that live on the same street . People would love to have the land that we have . Over the years we have done some things to the house . Painted the all white living room , all oil paint living room , to green and brown . I love the pecan color , it is a nice accent wall . We have painted Eric 's room , painted the kitchen , put new flooring down in the kitchen , tore up the carpeting in the living room and moved our main stuff into the great room . I have also made curtains for most of the house . My first project was the shower curtain for the bathroom . My neighbor showed me how to sew and she helped me create the shower curtain , all 7 yards of it . I liked it , took me a long time to pick out the fabric , and I was proud to show it off . A few months ago , I decided that I was really tired of all that fabric hanging there , catching all the dust , toothpaste and hairspray . And that I was gonna do something different with it . I couldn 't find the fabric for the curtains , I got tired of the little topper that was hanging there , so I decided to take the shower curtain down and do something with it . I knew what I wanted , it was just creating it that was gonna be a slight problem . All the measuring and numbers are not my strong point , so I had to think about all of this for a while and then go from there . I knew that I wanted a topper for the shower and of course curtains for the window . It was just figuring out all that I needed for it . So , I came up with this . Now the first time I made it , it didn 't measure evenly across . It was a little off , so I had to take it down and work on it . I got it right . Ok , now the window was next . I made 2 curtains and hung them up , but I didn 't like the way they looked with the mini blinds , I am really trying to get rid of all of them . I hate them . But the one in the bathroom was dusty , anPosted by . . . . not the Trolley , my central heat and air unit . Yep , that is the noise that we heard out of it yesterday while Chuck and I were sitting around . We went outside , heard this awful noise , turned it down and went on our way . Thought that it was something that was not coming back . BUT . . . . We heard it again today and decided to call to have them come out and look at it . They told us it would be between 2 and 5 when they got here . As with the refrigerator , it was closer to 5 , isn 't that the way it always happens ? Before they came out I called the utilities to talk to them about financing a new unit . They charge $ 7K for them to finance it through a bank , pay on that for 10 years at 6 % interest . Ok , that is a lot of money . The guy comes out and looks at the unit , it is the outdoor motor fan that has gone out on it . It will cost a bit over $ 400 to fix it , but , and I mean BUT . . . . the unit is 16 years old and at this point it could nickel and dime us to death . Time to make a decision . Now Chuck is at work and I hate making any decision without him being here . I forget to ask questions and then I have to go back and ask them . I look like a retard , but he isn 't here to ask , so I have to ask . They do finance , but at a 17 . 9 % rate , no matter what your credit rating is , but this is for 5 years , not 10 like the utilities . Also it is $ 2000 less than what the utilities charge . Big difference , but the interest rate is outrageous ! What to do , what to do ? We decided to get it fixed and then when the next problem occurs , go from there . It could be tomorrow or 3 years down the road . The unit is supposed to last for 20 years , so I would rather take the chance and wait , then to put out that kind of money right now . At least in the winter time , you can buy heaters . If it happens in the summer , it has to be fixed , no matter what . We have been busy with all kinds of school projects . Eric has had some fun with his , they are more detailed oriented and gives him a challenge too . When school started I knew that we would have some projects , I just didn 't expect to have so many this far into the school year . So , let 's start with Eric . Eric 's Geography class had to draw a map from home to school . He had to have the route that we take everyday to school . Ok , not too bad , but he wanted to add more to it . The first draft came out ok , but Eric started to color the streets black , and made a complete mess of it . So , I sketched out another one , showed him how to do the streets and gave him places that the landmarks are at . He had to have a compass rose on it and a key of what everything was . He got 103 on it . The teacher was very pleased with the amount of work he did put into this . Eric also had a car to make in Engineering Tech ( shop ) class . He had so much fun with this . He got the wood and drew out what he wanted . This was the class that Chuck went to help out at . He helped them cut the cars out and then the kids would bring them home to sand and paint . In the long run , Eric 's came out pretty cool . Add wheels to it , and he was on his way . They put an airgun in the back of it and shot it on to a strip . His did pretty good , got another 100 on that too . Ok , so now the fun one for all of us to see how it works . Eric came home a few weeks ago and told us that he had a project for Science class . Ok , what can this be ? ? ? ? A rubberized egg . He was so excited that he had to start it right away . He had a paper that he had to follow the instructions on and to list all that he saw happening to the egg . Use vinegar , what kind , what kind of egg . . . . you know , they want all details . So he started it , observed it , kept notes on it . Didn 't follow directions all the way through and tried to bounce it . SPLAT ! That one didn 't work . I missed it , I was at work , but I did think it was rather funny . Now , let 's start all over again and follow all of the directions . This time he Posted by Oh I am so proud of PJ and his love for chorus . He makes sure that every Friday he is there on time for practice . He walks around the house singing the songs that he has learned and loves what he is doing . What he doesn 't realize is that this opens the door for him to join choir and drama in Middle School . This is a good opportuntity for him . Well , I worked last night and got home after they went to bed . I know that PJ is not a sleeper right away , so I knew that he was up . I walked down the hallway , asked him if he was still awake and I get this bright eyed response - - - " Oh yes mommy ! But I have to ask you a question . " Ok , I am game , " What is it buddy ? " " Well , I don 't know if I want to try out for Santa or sing a solo . What do you think ? " I told him that either one would be great to get and that maybe he should try out for both , just in case he didn 't get the other . He said , " I asked Mrs . James if she could wait until Monday for my decision , that I had to talk it over with you before I decided on anything . " HA HA ! I love it . We did talk , and when I finally got out of his room , " Mommy , thanks for the advice , I knew you would have the right answer . " Now , he knows that if he doesn 't get a part this year , that next year he stands a better chance at it , because he will be in 5th grade . But , deep down inside , I hope he gets something . I will let y ' all know what happens with this part of his very busy life ! For the past several months , my dad and I head to Publix in Chattanooga for our shopping . It started out once a month and now we go every other Monday . I like it , it is time together and time for us to just talk about anything . We have a good time . This past week we hit Sam 's and then went shopping . He goes his way , I go mine and in the end , we always meet up . But as we were talking on Monday , I realized that when Sam 's and Publix come to Cleveland , there goes our dates . There goes our shopping trips . Although I love the fact that both stores will be coming to town , I know that our time together like that will come to an end . So , I have to make the most of it while I can . When we were driving down the road this time , my dad asked if I had ever been to Robbinsville NC . I told him that I hadn 't , but may take the boys for a ride one day out there . He mentioned that he and his wife were gonna go Monday , just for a cup of coffee and a nice ride . I thought that was nice , it isn 't all that far and just to get out of the house for a little while together is fun . But when we got back to the house , he asked , " Are you off Monday ? " And I usually am and of course next week I am off Monday . But I didn 't want to break it to him that I didn 't want to go anywhere with his wife , so I didn 't push the issue . But he told me that if he could get everything together , he and I will go for coffee to Robbinsville NC , leave about 8 : 30and be back by about 1 . Well , that was nice of him to offer . He said , " don 't call the house asking about it , I don 't want any trouble for going anywhere with you . " That is fine , I won 't call and ask , I will just plan on going with him and my handy , dandy camera . Hopefully , we will be able to keep our monthly trips to where ever when the stores open in town . I haven 't been online much . I am either too tired when I get home or just don 't want to be bothered with anything . I do read my blogs on my phone , along with emails and other things . But posting a blog from my phone is just a pain in the neck . Anyways , Chuck went to the Dr 's last week after he had a very expensive MRI done . No wonder people don 't go to the dr 's , it is a fortune . Everytime Chuck steps foot in the Dr 's office it is $ 88 , that is the 20 % that we have to pay to meet the deductible . WOW ! Can you imagine how much a bill would be if you didn 't have insurance ! Anyway , he has an inpingement on his right shoulder . Basically it is where there tendon came loose and knotted up , I can feel the lump right under the skin . So , he can wait a few month and do the surgery or he can do it shortly . He had decided on waiting until after Christmas , but the PT would move into next year , and that is a new deductible . But then the pain started to get really bad , so he bumped it up to Dec 9th . That will be good for all of us . The boys get out of school for break around the 19th or so , and Chuck isn 't planning on going back to work until New Year 's Day . I don 't mind him being at home . He needs the rest anyways . The surgery is non - evasive . If he waited , he stood the chance of everything coming unraveled and then tearing the rotator cuff . This way is it taken care of sooner , no major surgery . And the Dr . is planning on having him in PT the following week . If he was to go back to work any sooner , it would be on very limited duty . Well , I think that some time off will do him good . We all need a break sometimes , so he gets his at the holidays . That is nice though . So , when I find more out , you will know too . Please keep him in your prayers . I will keep you updated . The boys and I took off for a ride on Election Day . They were off , so was I . So , I decided to head to Wilson 's Fabrics . Twice a year they have a sale on their fabric . It is not the stuff at Wal - Mart , this is drapery material , upholstery material , interior design stuff . Heavy duty stuff . In the Spring we went and found material for PJ 's curtains , $ 1 a yard , bought 12 yards and still have some left over . This time I wanted to find something for our bedroom . We have been here 8 years and still don 't have matching curtains in our room . So , I thought I was gonna find something . I searched and searched , asked Eric what he thought of things , while PJ decided to talk politics . HA ! I was there forever , or what seemed like forever looking at all the fabrics . I knew I didn 't want any flowers , that wouldn 't be really fair to Chuck , so that was off the list . I didn 't want anything really bright , yellows , or things in that color range , so that was off the list too . It came down to 2 different kind of striped fabric . One had blue and red in it , I liked it , and at $ 5 a yard , you can 't go bad . But the other had more color in it , green , red , muted colors , and at $ 3 a yard , you really can 't go wrong . This is what came home with me . Less than $ 50 for 4 windows . Now , I just have to get started on them . And with Thanksgiving coming up , the windows may have to be put on hold . It waas a gorgeous day for the pretty ride that we had got to take . I got to the gas station on the corner , down the road from the fabric store and was shocked to see that gas was $ 2 . 06 a gallon . Oh my , I had to fill up . That lasted me the entire week ! It is just now down to that level here in town . Took almost 2 weeks for us to get it at that price . But on our way home , we got coffee and cocoa and enjoyed our ride out and about . I know the area well , I always take my camera with me , but never seem to take the time to stop and look around . White Oak mountain is the backway around the interstate and it can get very busy , so I really don 't take much of a chance to tPosted by I am warning y ' all up front , this isn 't gonna be pretty . If you don 't want to read it , just go on your way , no hard feelings . But I have something to say , and after what I saw this morning , I am gonna say it . # 1 I voted for Barack Hussain Obama . You know the middle name is just a name , no one knew anything of Saddam Hussain when his parents picked that name for him . It is just a name , just coincedence that his middle name is the same as a very evil man . One has nothing to do with another . His name is not Osama Bin Laden , not Saddam Hussain . He is an American , he is a smart man , and even though he is liberal , he will bring about change in this country . # 2 For the stupid ass , inconsiderate , idiot that took a knife to my sign , I know you aren 't reading this because your intelligence level not even on the radar . How dare you come into my yard and tear up a sign stating whom I support . You didn 't go anywhere else on this street and do it , but you thought it was ok to show your displeasure of my choice for President and tear it up . What era do you live in ? What decade are you from ? What is next ? Burning a cross in my front yard ? ? ? ? ? ? This is the year 2008 , we don 't live in the 60 's or even the 70 's , we don 't have separate water fountains or eating places anymore . We are one nation . Everyone has a right to their opinion , mine is that I support Obama / Biden . Grow up ! Accept the fact that a black man may be our next President , accept the fact that all races have the right to set a goal and reach for it , accept the fact that you are not the only race out there . All you see is that he is a black man . All you see is that he will enslave the white race , all you know is the garbage that you hear , that you read on the internet , all you know is that having a black man as the President is not right . # 3 If Barack Obama wins , can you imagine the doors that will be open for other races to run for President . What I am wondering is this . . . If Bobby Jindal , Republican governor of Louisana , an American with Indian parents , and I mean , HiPosted by Ok , I am a day late with this , but by the time I got to the computer last night , I was too tired to even blog about anything . I was too stinkin ' tired . I had to be at work yesterday at 11 and I was hoping that I would get out of there on time to have some time with the boys . I was scheduled out at 6 , I worked the night before until 8 , I was only to be there until 6 . But because of scheduling , I stayed until 8 . Being Halloween and being a Friday , we all thought that we were gonna be busy . I had my moments , I worked alone until 3 and then they started piling in . By 5 we had 6 drivers on and only 2 deliveries , not good . I never saw the screen get filled up , I never saw more than 5 on the screen at once . So , at 6 : 30 , I left . Now , I called my dad earlier to have him take the boys to Trunk or Treat . If you don 't know what this is , it is where people get together , decorate their trunks and give out candy , puzzles , or whatever . We have gone the last 3 years , it is a safe environment for the kids , they have food , and inflatables there . So , they have fun . I wanted them to go there too . My dad said that he would take them , little did I know the hell that I would catch for letting them go there . This is from a Church of God in town . They sponser this and they always do a good job . But # 1 , Eric was dressed as the Emperor of Evil . A costume that had purple and a silly little necklace , nothing evil about it . PJ was Dracula , again , and he did his own makeup , I should have gotten a pic , but I didn 't . Too cute . But my dad 's wife wasn 't all too happy with the " scary " costumes or the music , Christian rock , that was being played at the Trunk or Treat , or the layout of the entire thing . Christians celebrating Halloween , how could they ? We don 't celebrate anything , we go and have fun , collect candy and then go through all that we got . They got home right before I left work . That didn 't take long ! So , after meeting up with Chuck ( read the blog before this one ) I got home , and then took them to the mall . Now , the mall is a great place . SPosted by I have been with Pizza Hut for 4 months now . I enjoy the job and getting out from behind a desk . I work my butt off too , but in the end , the tips are nice and the people are fun to see . I meet all kinds of people , and well , see all things too ! HA HAAnyway , yesterday I found out that my boss is willing to train a 17 year old girl for the next shift manager 's position . What a minute , that was supposed to be for me ! This girl can 't make change in her head , she can 't operate a computer well , she can prep stuff , but she has a hard time doing things in the store and is not very good with the customers . So , what in the world is going on ? I don 't know . I went to Chuck yesterday , crying and fussing about all of this . I was so mad , and so hurt over this that I just wanted to cry and that was it . But I had to get the boys to the mall , and I didn 't have time to feel sorry for myself , I had to go . Well , he knows how hard I work , he knows that I can handle this stuff , he knows that I will pull this into shape . But that is not what my boss wants . She doesn 't want any feathers ruffled , any waves made or any employees unhappy . So , she gets these ideas that she can have this people in there that do the job as lazy and sloppy as can be and then complains about it . I will make waves , I will ruffle the feathers , I will tell the employees what to do , when to do it , and how to do it . I am not a drill seargent , but I have worked in the ' real world ' I know what it is like to work a job and to impress people . Get to work on time , leave on time , don 't take breaks that are too long . I don 't stand around chomping the bit while others work , I work . I work my butt off too . But that didn 't impress my boss . Ok , so now what . I was told a month ago that she could train me and then ship me to another store or she can get me through my books and have me when she is ready . I will stay a driver if that is the case . I am not leaving town because she doesn 't need me right now , can 't afford me , or just doesn 't want me . That hurts and it is very hard on mPosted by Sometime last year , the city banned trucks with 5 axles or more off one certain road in town . The logging trucks would drive way too fast down there , not use the road that is for more commercial traffic . There aren 't any lights on this one sretch and they thought that they could get to where they were going faster . But after one house was nearly ripped in half by an accident involving my friend and a logging truck , and one spot where the logging truck turned over , the city decided that there needed to be no more trucks . Very good idea , this one street isn 't mainly residential , but there are houses on it , churches and businesses . I thought at the time that it would be a great idea that they do that on our street . All residential , maybe one or 2 very small , local businesses . No reason for an 18 wheeler to drive through this area . The truck fly down this very busy street because there aren 't any lights at all , and they really can get to their destination quicker . About 3 weeks ago , Chuck and I were on our way back from somewhere , driving down our road , and I noticed that the Public Works Dept was putting up the poles . Turns out they were also putting up signs . " No trucks , 5 axles or more . " Yippee ! They finally realized that this area didn 't need to have all that major traffic in this area . A few nights ago the boys were watching tv , PJ came running to us , " Um , there is a truck on the street , and there is a little one with yellow lights on . " Ok , from the start of our road to the very end , there are signs everywhere stating no trucks . This one guy decided he didn 't have to obey the signs and kept on going . You know , he got caught , right in front of the house . They had to re - route traffic , have him back up , go onto one street , back up and then take the next street over to get off this road and get to the 4 lane that he should have been using in the first place . Chuck commented that it would be a good thing if they enforce this , and apparently they are enforcing it . I have noticed that it is very quiet now in the morningPosted by I am a full time mom , full time employee , full time friend . I hold those that are dear to me , close to me . I treasure the friendships that I have made online , and the friend that has been by my side for over 30 years . I love my family dearly , protect my boys , kiss on my husband daily , deal with everyday issues like the rest of us . I am a real person and I blog about my real life experiences . Everything that I blog about is real and does happen . Life is too short to not be true to yourself and to others . |
Earlier this year my daughter bought me a pet stroller . I must say I was a little embarrassed to use it - at first . But it has come in very handy , especially at this time of the year . Seymour and Zooey go with me as much as possible . They enjoy the outings because first , they like to be with me but more importantly , they like to have new ground to sniff . They know I always take them for a walk after we shop . Often I carry Seymour in the sling and Zooey is in my arms , resting on Seymour . That works fine most of the time but for the holidays especially , I need 2 hands to shop . So , I have been bringing the stroller with me and have been surprised at the number of people who asked where I got it . Some said they had old dogs that couldn 't walk well anymore and some just thought it was " cute " . Many did a double take expecting to see a baby and instead they saw 2 dogs peaking out ! I always like when that happens : ) For Christmas , I added some decorations to the stroller . Both dogs fit in it with room to spare . As you can see in the picture below , Seymour takes the front while Zooey is squeezed in the back . She doesn 't seem to mind . I am surprised how much I have been using this . I took them in JCP , Best Buy , Ace Hardware and TJ Maxx with no problem . Maybe as more places see that dogs aren 't always a problem , they will loosen their " no dogs " restriction . I am a big believer in allowing dogs that are in carriers in most places . In carriers , they can 't pee on things , or nip at anyone and they usually elicit more positive comments than negative . Little by little , I hope we can be a more dog friendly country . - Posted using BlogPress from my iPad It is a quiet Sunday morning with everyone cuddled on the couch . Zooey is chewing aggressively on her bone one minute and is asleep the next . Seymour is sleeping under that blanket mound . All is right with our world . - Posted using BlogPress from my iPad We went to the Halloween Costume contest this afternoon . It was held at a local nursing home and the proceeds benefited Wags Rescue , a local rescue group here in Wimberley . I like it because the residents get to see and pet the dogs . Seymour and Zooey got 2nd place , behind some cute dogs dressed as a Univ of Texas football player and cheer leaders . We couldn 't compete with that ! But I think these two looked adorable also . Seymour gets a bit stressed around big dogs but overall , he did fine . They both came home and took naps ; well , all three of us did ! I hate to tell them that I just heard of another Pet Costume Contest at Chick Fil - A ! Update : We didn 't go to anymore contests . There is always next year ! - Posted using BlogPress from my iPad - Posted using BlogPress from my iPad Sorry my posts are not posting . For some reason BlogPress has decided not to work with my Blogspot account . Still trying to fix it . - Posted using BlogPress from my iPadLocation : Problems with BlogPress I am going to be more prepared for the Pet Halloween Costume Contest coming up this weekend . No more toilet paper costumes . It is so great to have pets included in Halloween for those of us who don 't have small children anymore . No , they don 't get to actually get candy but those cute pets bring smiles to everyone 's faces . Seymour and Zooey will have a few different costumes from which it choose , but most will need a bit of alteration . Just like with women 's clothes , a size doesn 't necessarily mean it is the same measurements across companies . Zooey is usually an extra small and Seymour is a small . A few of the extra smalls fit Seymour and some are too small for Zooey . And you can 't usually try them on in most stores , since stores like Target or Walmart don 't allow dogs . When is that going to change ? I still believe that if a dog is in a carrier , they should be allowed in stores . Most places in Europe allow dogs in stores and even eating establishments . Let 's get progressive here ! Anyway , we will have pictures to post after the contest on Saturday . - Posted using BlogPress from my iPad I didn 't realize the Pet Parade was this early in October this year but decided to make a quick costume for Zooey - out of a doggie tee shirt and toilet paper ! I used a some trim , a glue gun , some kind of white tape I found in my tool box and some double sided tape . I am just glad I didn 't try to do this for my kids when they were young . Seymour already had a surgeon costume , so I decided to make Zooey a nurse . I was going to be the patient with fake bloody gauze / toilet paper around my head . This was going to be fun ! This morning , I gathered up our costumes , a roll of tape and headed to the parade to register . I put on the dogs costumes in the car and noticed that Zooey 's toilet paper and tee costume looked much better in the house than in the bright sunlight . When I went to put the toilet paper strip around my head , I found that the roll of white tape I brought was actually plumbing tape - doesn 't stick . Not sure why it was in my first aid box ! So , we finally were dressed and headed down to register for the parade . Seymour doesn 't particularly like crowds , big dogs or music . Zooey is afraid of everything . I ended being the only pet owner who had to carry their dogs in the parade . It takes away a bit from the costumes when you can 't quite see them . As I was carrying Zooey , her glue started coming off . Then her toilet paper skirt started looking like it had been used . Seymour lost his pants . I am not sure if anyone took pictures of us , but we were a motley little group . Finally when the parade was almost over I decided to skip the judging and call it a wrap . Overall , the dogs were good but we were done . It was also starting to drizzle and that would be the end of our nurses costume . But here is what they looked like as we waited for the parade to start . Zooey had not started to fall apart yet . Seymour as a surgeon before he lost his pants . I didn 't notice Zooey under Seymour until I looked at the picture ! Although parades aren 't their favorite thing , they tolerate them for me - and for the treats they know they will get . Posted by I was " dead man driving " the last day or so of the trip and it took me 2 days to feel well enough to write . We all got sick on the trip home and mine seemed to worsen as the days went on . My daughter thinks it was stress and I 'm sure it had something to do with it , but I 'm not stressed now , but still sick . Traveling with a 21 month little boy who was also sick and hurt ( fell and put his teeth through his bottom lip ) was a challenge . I think he might be able to be an opera singer since he has a very high pitched scream he practiced often on the way home . We tried playing my dog relaxation cd hoping it worked with kids . Although the kids weren 't impressed with it , the dogs and the grown - ups seemed to be a bit lulled . In spite of the craziness of driving with 2 adults , 2 kids , and 2 dogs in my Prius , we are all still friends , so that is a good outcome . Our last night on the road was spent at the newly remodeled Motel 6 in Texarkana . No extra charge for pets . Rates were $ 35 / room plus tax . We again got separate rooms . Motel 6 is now decorated in a minimalist style with some kind of non - carpet flooring . I missed the frig and microwave , but appreciated how clean it looked . Seymour and Zooey were pretty comfortable , too . Wednesday morning Shannon and the boys were ready before I was even up - everyone was eager to get home ! We packed up or I should say " stuffed the car " and made our first stop about 15 minutes later to get coffee and diet coke for the ladies . I 've lost track of the stops we made but Shan said she would drive through the night to get us home . The 4 year old was easy to travel with but he did have to pee at inopportune times like after a gas or food stop . Luckily Shan found an app for the iPhone that told us what was at each exit , so we were able to find bathrooms pretty quickly . The dogs continued to ride in their bed in the front seat where Shan 's feet were supposed to be . Zooey was pretty quiet the whole ride but was eager to get out when we stopped . She is afraid of the beeps from the iPhone when Shan plugPosted by Here is the Commodore Hotel . I didn 't get a pic from the inside before I messed it up . It was cute and comfortable . This is just one shot of the town . Very quaint but the shops were all closed last night and we will hopefully be leaving before they open this morning . Time is now Central Time so we are leaving a little later than yesterday . We are all sick . My meds didn 't help and I heard Shan and the boys also coughing . This should be a fun day ! I am sitting in the cafe attached to the hotel waiting for breakfast . Shan is packing . We are still hoping to be home in 2 days , weather and sickness permitting . Posted using BlogPress from my iPadLocation : Our Hotel in Linden Tenn We headed out at about 9 : 30 am and quickly stopped for a large coffee and Diet Coke . We both needed our caffeine ! I have decided to do all of the driving so Shan can entertain the boys . Pax is pretty easy since he is almost 5 and is obsessed with his Power Ranger toys and books . Gibby is not quite 2 so he is more of a challenge . I woke up with a sore throat so am pretty sure a full blown cold is on its way . It rained just about all day with spots of fog and heavier rain so we couldn 't use Rest Areas to allow the boys to run around and get rid of some energy . We decided that McDonalds was the next best idea to try since they often have indoor play areas . Unfortunately , we didn 't find any with play areas . We pulled into a few but left when they didn 't have the play area . We finally just picked one that wasn 't attached to a gas station and let them run around inside while I walked the dogs in the drizzling rain . Our goal was to go at least 400 miles today . Soon the low tire pressure gauge lit up again . I stopped and checked and the back passenger side tire was a little low . Shan looked online and found that sometimes that gauge needs to be reset and found directions to do it . I decided to unload part of the trunk to get to my air machine hickey and put some air in the tire . The low air gauge went off . Hopefully there is no other tire problems the rest of the way home . When we got into Tennessee there was a wreck on the freeway . We sat for about an hour and when we finally could move , we saw a wreck between an 18 wheeler and a motorcycle . Unfortunately and sadly , it didn 't look good . We went less than a mile and we were stopped again . I am guessing it was another accident because the rain had been pretty heavy . I set my GPS to do a detour and we got off the freeway and got on some back roads . We passed some cute small towns and were still miles from a main road - and hotels when we went through a town called Linden , Tenn . We both really loved the artsy look of the place and passed an old hotel . Shan used her trusty iPhonPosted by I don 't know how we did it , but we fit 2 adults , 2 kids , 2 dogs and all our luggage in my Prius ! But just barely . Here is the trunk : We headed out Sunday before noon . Shan 's husband noted that one of our tires were low . We thought it was due to the extra weight in the car - we did eat a lot while we were there . But , it turned out to be a leak from a nail or something . Within an hour or so of leaving , my car showed the low tire pressure symbol . I pulled over and checked . It was at 20 pounds where it should have been about 35 pounds . We tried to use Shan 's iPhone and Siri to find a tire place but finally pulled in to a gas station to ask . They sent us to an auto parts store that didn 't fix tires but told us where the Good Year shop was . I bought Fix a Flat to help get us there . At Good Year , I decided to just get 2 new tires , since I had been worrying about the tread on my tires . Probably over kill but when you have 1500 miles to drive with an important group of people and dogs , you want to be safe . It took about an hour but was worth it . The grand kids were pretty good but Gibby was tired and cranky so there were fits of crying . I had the dogs in a crate and bed on the floor in the back seat and asked the boys not to throw things on them . What was I thinking ? By the time we got to the tire place , Zooey was so stressed , she was panting and trying to get away . I had never seen her like that . So , we put the dogs in a bed on the floor in the front , taking up feet space for Shan . She was nice enough to let them share that small space with her and Zooey and Seymour calmed down . Luckily they are small dogs ! The weather was dry and sunny so driving was pretty easy , but we only drove about 180 miles total . Still had 1201 miles to go when we stopped . We ended up at the Super 8 where I got us separate rooms . I was tired and needed some rest and the dogs appreciated a little time away from the rambunctious boys . Unfortunately , Shan 's room was on the second floor with no elevator but we were on the first floor near the exit door - Posted by With no wireless access in Pennsylvania , I will summarize the trip . Overall , Seymour and Zooey were a big hit . Both my friend and my sister would take care of her , if needed . I had to constantly watch Zooey especially so she wouldn 't walk around my Dad 's feet since he has very poor eyesight , but he seemed to like them . Zooey was a little afraid of all of the kids and hid behind chairs when she could . All of the grandchildren were sweet and good with the dogs , except for a few flying balls and cars ! We loved getting together with everyone . This was the first time we have all been together so there was much talking , laughing and just catching up . This is a family picture we took after my Dad 's 90th Birthday party . It includes my parents , my brother and sister and their families and me and my family . Great memories . My sister and her husband got in on Friday and they enjoy gambling . So , Friday night we were celebrating my daughter 's Birthday and I mentioned wanting to go to the casino , which was an hour away . Of course they agreed so we stepped up the pace of the cake cutting and headed out . Only my sister won , but we had a great time ; didn 't get home until 2 : 30 am . Shan took care of the dogs . I have a few more Pennsylvania stories I 'll cover later . We are on our way home and need to get moving . So glad to be going home ! Posted using BlogPress from my iPad While visiting family and friends in Pennsylvania , we found that we needed more doggie treats . Because of the problems some dogs had with the treats made in China , I have been on a quest to not only find treats made in the USA , but treats my dogs like . The first thing I noticed was that the words " Made in China " have become a little more difficult to find . But when I product is made in the USA , it is often written in big print on the front of the package . Here are a few treats we found and how my dogs feel about them : Champion Breed Chew Strips - original bacon flavored . My dogs love bacon but won 't eat these . Maybe when they have no choice , they will give them a try . These were on sale for only $ 2 . 29 at KMart . Pup - peroni . I have hunted all over the bag but can only find that it was distributed by Del Monte Foods . At first Zooey loved them , then she wasn 't interested anymore . Seymour wasn 't interested at first and now will nibble on a few pieces . Not a great favorite for them . Don 't remember how much these cost . Colorado Naturals - Chicken Jerky Treats . My dogs devoured these ! They even tried to find the bag and lick the empty bag . These were on sale for $ 4 . 99 for 4 oz . at PetCo . The overall favorite . I need to get another bag or two . Time to get my daily breakfast : Egg McMuffin ( on sale this month for 2 for $ 3 so my Dad gets the other one ) , and free small coffee . I get one for me and my dad since we are currently the only coffee drinkers in the house . - Posted using BlogPress from my iPad Monday Night and Tuesday in PA A quick stop at Mc Donald 's with my iPad and WiFi ! ! A couple of days ago , I had shopped for some decorations for my Dad 's party so I went to the Party Store and the Dollar store with my dogs , and the dogs were welcomed into both stores . In fact I think I got better service because of the dogs . I left them home while we went to McDonalds to sit with the gang later . After McDonalds Shannon , my grandsons and I did a little shopping at Good Will . Shan keeps finding things and says " But they are small " . A bunch of small things add up to a big pile in my little Prius when we drive home ! After later heading to bed , Shan came out to my couch / bed to say that Gibson was sick and his breathing was hoarse . We both felt she needed to take him to the hospital . We texted back and forth while they were there and it ended up that he had Croup . Needless to say , none of us got much sleep last night . Tuesday , we went to visit our friends , Pam and Dennis . Paxton still wasn 't feeling well , so after a yummy lunch of pasta and pumpkin pie , we headed back to my parents . We took a little detour to check put Monongahela , where Shan was born . It was nice seeing the old town and our old house . Things went down hill after that . Gibby was sick and started a marathon screaming fit ; Paxton was unhappy that he didn 't get what he wanted at the store so refused to get out of the car when we got home . Not going into detail , but everyone was upset , including my parents tonight . Zooey was hiding and Seymour got under the covers on my couch / bed . It is almost 10 pm and the house is quiet . I didn 't take an aspirin tonight but was considering liquor until I remembered that there isn 't any in the house and I 'm too lazy to go buy some . Seymour and Zooey are my comfort , unless Seymour sees a big dog , then just Zooey is my comfort ! Tomorrow is another day ! - Posted using BlogPress from my iPad We have no WIFi connection except for at McDonalds , so here is a short entry . We found that New Jersey had the best pet rest area . It had a sidewalk , a picnic table and was not near the freeway . It was between where the trucks park and where the cars park . I thought I was in heaven for a few minutes . Although there was lots of road construction , we made it to my parents by about 5 pm on Friday . At about 8 pm , I took my first Aleve . Quiet night with the dogs . Zooey didn 't even bark at the kids but she does bark at my daughter ( her adopted sister ) . My Dad 's eyesight is very poor so I made sure the dogs were out of his way when my Dad got up . Saturday Shan and I went to my old neighbor 's daughter 's wedding while my high school friend watched Seymour and Zooey . Beautiful wedding and great food , especially the cookies . Luckily I brought stretch pants to wear the rest of the week . Sunday , my high school friend and her daughter ( my god daughter ) and I went to the Casino ( what a surprise ) while my friend 's husband watched my kids , I mean my dogs . As much as they loved him , because he gave them treats , every time my friend 's husband went downstairs and came back up , Zooey barked at him like he was a stranger . Oh , what a strange dog I have ! Today I came home from my friend 's and did some shopping for decorations for my Dad 's party and now we are at McDonald 's with the " over the hill bunch " . I am starting to fit in nicely : ) I will take more pictures because the leaves are starting to change and since the speed limit is mostly 25 mph I will be able to take nice pictures as I am driving . - Posted using BlogPress from my iPad Our room at the Super 8 passed the " dog didn 't do anything " test so we headed out at about 10 am . A little later than I planned but I had to eat the free toaster waffles first . We drove through Tenn . most of the day . I - 40 was under construction in quite a few places so I am hoping to find a different way home . We stopped at a rest area in Tenn that again had the pet area between the highway and the parking lot . Obviously the people that planned these rest areas are not pet people . See how attractive our walk was ? Seymour finally got tired of sleeping in the car so he squeezed under the seat to the front and gave me those pleading eyes that said " I need outtttt ! Now ! " . I think he had 4 drops of pee he hadn 't used . I talked him into waiting until we crossed into Kentucky and stopped at the Welcome Center . See how pretty the sign is ? Then I remembered ! This was the place that disliked pets more than any other State we had been in . They almost had more " No Pets Allowed " signs than parking spaces . I do think they upgraded their pet area since I was there last . Now they have a chain link fence about 4 feet from the parking spaces where I think you are supposed to walk . Over by the freeway , of course . But , if anyone parks on that side it leaves about a foot of walking space . I filled in a suggestion card to ask them to make a more safe place for pets and left my name and address . It will be interesting to see if they write . Oh , I also left my blog address . I don 't have any more rest areas to complain about for now . The good news is that I picked up a hotel coupon book in the Kentucky Welcome center and ended up staying at the LaQuinta in Elizabethtown , KY . They don 't charge extra for up to 2 pets weighing less than 20 pounds . Plus I got an additional discount with the coupon so it cost me about $ 5 more than I paid last night , with a free hot breakfast included . My friends Jan and Betty told me to be sure to pick up those coupon books in the States I was staying , and it proved cost effective . I mentioned that my daughter anPosted by This is our first big trip since Italy - except for a short trip to a Texas Casino ! Seymour , Zooey and I are on our way to Pennsylvania to go to my dad 's 90th birthday celebration . We are in a car instead of our camper because my daughter and her 2 children will be driving home with us . There is only room for 2 people and 2 dogs in my camper . So , I am getting a chance to experience finding places to stay overnight with 2 dogs . But I 'm getting ahead of story . We left Wimberley Texas yesterday morning after a stop at the local Diamond Shamrock for coffee and breakfast taco . When I went to pay , they said " it 's already taken care of " . Thanks , Mary ! Nice start to a trip . The dogs settled into their sleeping spots ; Seymour in a small crate and Zooey in her bed . Our first stop was a new rest stop in Texas , near Salado . It had a playground , a storm shelter and nice restrooms . As an after thought , the put in 2 " Pet Area " signs in the weeds near the road . Seriously ? Notice the trucks on the freeway behind Seymour ? Zooey could barely walk in the grass / weeds because they were too high for her . This was definitely not a plan for pets in this new rest area . All they needed to do was make a gravel walking path , put in some trash cans for pet waste and maybe add a fire hydrant for fun . In comparison , we stopped at the Welcome Center when we entered Arkansas and they had a nice pet area , not near the highway . I could walk on the sidewalk while the dogs enjoyed the walk through the nicely trimmed grass . The trucks in the background are parked , not racing down the freeway . Thanks , Arkansas ! Also , while we were walking at in the rest area , I was on my cell and a lady kept following me around . She finally tapped me and asked how old Seymour was . She has a puppy that looked like Seymour and wondered how big her puppy might grow . ( Seymour is 8 years old and about 7 - ish pounds ) . A little while later , while still on the cell , a truck pulled up beside me and when I looked , it was that woman again . This time she was with her husband and she rPosted by I have no affiliation with this dealership except for taking my car in for maintenance , etc . In the past , I always took Seymour with me and the staff was always friendly with us . This last time , I took Seymour and Zooey and I wasn 't sure how they would handle 2 dogs in their waiting room . The staff was equally as friendly with us . More people talked to me , or at least my dogs than they do when I am alone . Maybe my dogs are dressed better than I am normally ? Or maybe they just have a lot of dog lovers working there . One person does have a statue of a life sized dog in their office doorway . I haven 't checked to see if it barks when you walk by . It is so nice to go places where pets are not only allowed , but welcomed . It makes the long wait for my car a little more pleasant . - Posted using BlogPress from my iPadLocation : San Marcos Toyota I am behind in my posts due to some surgery and recovery . I do think my dogs have helped in my recovery and would have been able to help more if I had known one thing . Having surgery is a stress but for me , worrying about my dogs while I 'm gone is almost a bigger stress . I was lucky that 2 neighbors offered to watch each dog . One has a medium sized dog that Seymour is pals with and one has a small poodle that Zooey kinda tolerates . Being a recent rescue and having endured abuse by another dog , Zooey is very skittish around almost all dogs - except Seymour . They are a bit of a handful together , as another kind neighbor found out when watching them for 2 days , so separately them was the best way to go . But back to my story . I was in the hospital for 3 days and feeling pretty bad both mentally and physically . The last night I was there , one of the nurses mentioned that if I had my physician write an order for " pet therapy " my dogs could have come to visit me . They would have had to be in their crate - at least when the door to my room was open , but at least I could have enjoyed their company for a few hours . Unfortunately , I wasn 't told this until the night before I was going home so didn 't try to get a physician 's order . I am not sure hospitals publicize this , but I recommend that if you are ever in the hospital , you ask your physician about it . I do think that I would have been in a much more positive frame of mind , and maybe I wouldn 't have been thinking about my pain as much , if I had my dogs to cuddle . Another good thing about seeing your dogs when you are in the hospital is that you don 't have to walk them . It 's like having grandchildren . You can play with them and love on them and give them back . Instead , when my dogs came home after my hospitalization , they considered me the same person I was before ; the one who walked them , gave them treats , fed them and held them . I 'm sure they were wondering who that strange person was who had to just about roll off of the couch and on to the floor to be able to get up to opPosted by It sounds easy . Put out two bowls of dog food . I can 't put them beside each other because Seymour will block Zooey 's way to either bowl and try to eat them both . So I put out two bowls of food and two bowls of water in different parts of the kitchen . The bigger bowl with the most food goes to the bigger dog , 6 1 / 2 pound Seymour . The smaller bowl goes to 3 pound Zooey . Same food , different amounts . Invariably Seymour thinks I am giving better food to his sister so he goes for her bowl first . I could probably put a steak in his bowl and he would still think that Zooey had the more gourmet meal and head to her bowl . Seymour has been with me for over five years , so if he had some problem with favoritism in the past , it shouldn 't affect him now . Cesar says that dogs live in the " now " . No one told that to my dog ! I now have to put Zooey 's food in her crate but Seymour eats his food and then lurks outside of Zooey 's crate waiting to lick the bowl clean when she is done . Is is a little heart breaking hearing him licking and pushing each bowl around the floors while trying to get the last dried moral of dogfood into his tummy . Anyone who didn 't know the situation would think i was starving him . But today they both went to the vets and Seymour has gained 10 ounces , up to a slightly chubby 7 pounds 2 ounces in less than a month . Zooey gained some much needed weight , up to 3 pounds 8 ounces . I am gaining flexibility from moving bowls around so they both get food ! A relatively common small dog issue is a luxating patella . Our vet said that when he started walking on 3 legs about 30 % of the time , it meant that he probably would need surgery . He wasn 't quite up to 30 % but he wanted me to carry him more - and he is 7 1 / 2 years old , so it was time . Seymour had his surgery on Monday and since he was going to be sedated , I also had them clean his teeth and clip his nails . I 'm sure when he woke up , he was thinking " What the heck hit me ? " . He is on pain meds and an antibiotic and will go back in 2 weeks to get his stitches removed . Here is a gross picture of his leg - back , driver side : ) He was pretty out of it the first 2 days but would still go to the bathroom outside when I carried him out . I think he is holding " number 2 " , although I saw him go once , because it is a difficult position to get into with only one back leg . TMI ? The first morning after surgery , Zooey jumped in his bed with him and I heard the worst screech . She has quickly learned that she can sleep beside his bed , but not in it . I do think she is confused . She has only lived with us less than 3 weeks so I hate to see her worrying about him . Today , Seymour has been whining and I can 't figure out what he needs . I have brought him water , fed him his dog food on a spoon ( so he wouldn 't have to get up ) , taken him outside and given him his favorite treat , and nothing is working . I took that picture of his wound and sent it to the vet to see if he needs to come in , but I haven 't heard back yet . And of course it is almost weekend , so if he needs any medical attention , he will have to go to the expensive emergency vet . I will be happy when he passes the 2 week mark and I can start doing physical therapy on that leg . I am missing my sweet little Seymour . But I was out at my own doctor 's appointment yesterday and when I came home both Seymour and Zooey were waiting at the door for me . I was surprised and delighted . For now , this is Seymour 's primary position : I know that it won 't be long before my frisky travel companion is backPosted by I was getting " traveling with one pet " down to a science , so what did I do ? I got Seymour a little sister we named Zooey . I saw her picture on www . petfinder . com I have always looked but never had a plan to get another dog . But I guess when one looks , it is inevitable that a dog will catch your heart . Zooey is a 3 pound 2 ounce rescue from Abilene Texas . I was told that she was an owner surrender with another , more aggressive dog . She was very timid , very underweight and did not walk on a leash . She is what one of my friends call " a cute , ugly dog " . Seymour was hoping that she was just visiting . We have now had her for 10 days and she has already been to the vet twice . The first time for an update on immunizations and ear infections . She is too skinny to get a microchip yet . The second time was for suspected kennel cough , which she received steroid and antibiotic shots . I think she also has hip dysplasia since she is beginning to hop on three legs . BTW , Seymour is getting surgery for his hip dysplasia on Monday . Everyone thinks that she is between 18 months and 2 years old . She looks like a feminine little girl and barks like Danny DiVito . No one is exactly sure what her " mix " is , but we think chihuahua , yorkie and maybe one or two others . She is fluffy but looks like she could be Benjamin Button 's dog with her wispy , need of hair plugs , head . Zooey has loved Seymour from the first day they met . She is constantly trying to get in his dog bed with him and follows him everywhere . Seymour , on the other hand , is still hoping she is just visiting ! He puts up with her . He is used to being an only dog , so it is a big change for him . I am doing my best to give them both lots of attention . They both love riding in the car so I think it will be easy to go on camping trips with them . Seymour , Zooey and I have already visited Ace Hardware and the Senior Thrift store in town . I have carried one in the sling and one in my arms but in a pinch , I can actually carry both in one hand . Between the two of them , they weigh less than 10Posted by My dog Seymour was more stressed than ever with the fireworks on New Years Eve . He shook and tried to hide but couldn 't find a place to go . I could not calm him down . After that , when he heard something like a car backfire , he would go into his shaking and hiding routine again . A friend told me about the Thundershirt . I found one on Amazon and purchased it . Seymour is about 6 1 / 2 pounds and I got the X Small and it fits well . I did have to look at the pictured instructions to be sure I got it on right , but once I figured it out , I could do it again easily . The next time he heard a pop noise that got him shaking , I put the shirt on him . He laid down but didn 't look relaxed . We have used it a few times since and he got more and more comfortable and less stressed each time he wore it . It is almost like a cumulative effect on him . We haven 't had a bad storm yet - this is Texas , home of the hottest 2011 ever - but I am actually looking forward to seeing how it works for him . I 'm not sure why my pictures are so small but the first is the package the shirt came in and the one below is Seymour relaxing in his shirt . I will update when we have a real reason to use the shirt . So far , I am glad I purchased it . Update - We finally had a big storm and Seymour was put in his Tundershirt . He continued to shake and was stressed so I held him . He slowly quieted down a little . I would say that the shirt helped him get about 20 % calmer than he would have been without the shirt . I will continue using it as we ( hopefully ) get more storms to see if it starts calming him more . Below is a summary of the new rules for bringing a pet to the UK . Unfortunately , they still haven 't let up on the part about a pet having to travel as cargo . It appears that they added " Tapeworm Treatment " to their list that Italy did not require . Having just been to Italy , I have to say that my stress and my dog 's stress levels were greatly reduced because he was traveling in a crate under my seat . So , I guess the UK is not on our travel plans for now . • Step 2 - Have your pet vaccinated - After the microchip has been fitted your pet must be vaccinated against rabies . There is no exemption to this requirement , even if your pet has a current rabies vaccination . Rabies boosters must be kept up to date . The length of the waiting period before entry to the UK is 21 days after the first vaccination date . A waiting period is not required for subsequent entries into the UK , provided rabies boosters are kept up to date . If the vaccination is in two parts the 21 day wait will be from the date of the second vaccination . • Step 4 - Tapeworm treatment - ( dogs only ) : before entering the UK , all pet dogs ( including assistance dogs ) must be treated for tapeworm . The treatment must be administered by a vet not less than 24 hours and not more than 120 hours ( 1 - 5 days ) before its scheduled arrival time in the UK . There is no mandatory requirement for tick treatment . No treatment is required for dogs entering the UK from Finland , Ireland or Malta ) . The following routes and transport companies may be used to bring pet dogs , cats and ferrets into the UK . On some air routes , registered assistance dogs may travel in the cabin . Other dogs , cats and ferrets will travel as cargo . |
Becky was a 21yr old woman who had been waiting on the transplant list for almost a year and a half . She needed a new heart as well as lungs . She had pulmonary hypertension and congenital heart disease , and was diagnosed when she was 6 years old . She was a special case , as her heart was located on the right side of her chest instead of the left , and it was backwards . It made a complicated case for the doctors , but they listed her because they thought they would be able to do the transplant whenever that time came . Becky finally got her call last night . I saw it on her sister 's Facebook page , and I actually cried . I 'd been praying for her for so long , and I was so happy she was finally getting her 2nd chance . Of course , I was hoping this wouldn 't be a dry run for her . But when I got up this morning , I received an email from Becky 's mom saying that the surgery had started at 6 : 15am my time . I prayed all day that the surgery would be successful and that Becky would do well . However , tonight I heard from a phriend who talked to Becky 's mom that Becky wasn 't doing well , that the heart wasn 't responding well , and that they had to take Becky back into surgery to stop some severe bleeding . A couple hours after that , I found out that Becky had died at 10 : 02 my time ( EST ) . I am very saddened to know that she never got her chance to heal from the surgery and experience life more . She was so young , and she had been sick for so very long . It 's heartbreaking that I 've lost , well , that the PH community has lost , another phriend . It 's also maddening . We need a cure . Not tomorrow , TODAY . Too many are dying because there needs to be a cure . I pray for one every single day . In the meantime , I 'm praying for Becky 's family , who have got to be shellshocked and devastated . Not only was Becky 's life put on hold , but theirs as well . They all wanted so badly for Becky to be better . Her mom , especially , did every single thing she could to care for Becky . So I pray for strength for them , because they are going to need it . They are going to taPosted by Today I had such a busy day . I went to rehab , and after I was done , I went home briefly to change and get some lunch . I got all my things ready to spend some time out in Amherst , which is about 20 minutes or so away . It all depends on how fast I can drive up the boulevard to get there . I met a phriend for coffee at Barnes & Noble for a little while , and that time just went too fast ! I had to leave in time to make it to an appt with the dermatologist I see . During the appt , I told him that I don 't get the breakouts like I used to , so the antibiotic I 've been on seems to be helping . However , I 'm still dealing with such oily skin that it 's driving me insane . He wants to put me on a topical gel , but my insurance just won 't cover it . So , he gave me a whole bunch of samples . I thought that was rather nice of him ! I 'm hoping they 'll help some ! After my appt , I went to Michael 's to look at the bead section . Yes , beads again ! lol I was good and after having a handful of beads , I put several of them back and only bought three strands . I also found some letter charms to add to 2 of my bracelets , so I was happy about that ! I started wandering the rest of the store when my friend texted me that they were leaving for the Olive Garden , where I was going to meet them for dinner . So , I paid for my beads and charms , and headed to the restaurant which was less than 5 minutes away ! My friends and I sat down to eat when we all arrived , and not even 5 minutes after that , it started to downpour ! We knew the bad weather was coming , but we just weren 't sure when . We made sure that we took our time eating so we wouldn 't have to head back out there too soon ! By the time we enjoyed our meal , and dessert , the rain wasn 't that intense . I was glad for that , but I still really hate driving on rainy nights . My eyes don 't like it too much , and I feel sometimes as if I can 't see very well . I took my time driving back home , and by the time I got back , I felt rather tense ! So I took a nice bath , and then played online for the rest of the evening . Now Posted by A person very dear to me has had diabetes for decades , and I worry about this person when I know they aren 't eating right or doing the things they should to keep themselves healthy . Last week this person found out that glucose was in a place where it shouldn 't be , and I just tonight found out that when that happens a lot , the kidneys can begin to fail . I had no idea . It causes even more worry . This person told me that one of the biggest ways to keep glucose down , besides eating right , is exercise . I know this person isn 't getting it . I completely understand how hard it is to just make the decision and start exercising every day , or at least several times a week . If I weren 't going to pulmonary rehab , I wouldn 't be working out because I just can 't seem to stick to a routine at home . And so I do realize that it 's hard to just start an exercising regimen , especially when you 're on your own . I truly wish I could exercise with this person . Even just going for walks gets me a bit too tired , so that kinda defeats the purpose . This person 's heart is in good shape right now , so the cardiologist has no reason to write a script for cardio rehab . That 's too bad , since it might be nice if this person could join me at rehab ! I just wish there was something I could do to get this person motivated and realizing how important it is to start doing something , SOMETHING , to improve their health through exercise . I just want them to feel better , and I know this is one step which is rather necessary . This past week was a bit of a rough one for me breathing - wise . Not only the weather bugged me most of the week , but I also felt rather bloated for a few days , which caused me to be so short of breath that talking on the phone or to someone was a problem . Even just laying in bed was hard . It almost felt like the days of yore when I was growing up and not on meds to treat my pulmonary hypertension . It sucked , and it gets a bit depressing . I hate when I go through periods like this . It reels me back to wondering if the PH will actually worsen like that for real one day , and not for a brief interlude . I 'm doing better now , thank goodness , but the days when I was really feeling crappy were very much downers . Sometimes it 's just so very hard living with this disease . I have met so many different people with PH both in the real world and the online world ( funny how there are 2 separate worlds in my life now ! ) . It 's awesome when those 2 worlds collide together and you can actually talk in person to someone you got to know online who is going through much of what you 're dealing with , too . Well , anyway , years ago a Mexican woman named Mariana came onto the boards . She posted with many questions , and we became phriends , chatting online or emailing often . She was such a sweet person ! Many of my phriends were able to meet her at the PH Conference in Miami , FL . Her smile was so infectious ! Eventually she told many of us she wanted to take a more holistic approach to her PH , and we all seemed to lose touch with her . At the beginning of this month , she posted on the PH board , and so many of us were happy to hear from her ! This past Monday , she came into the chat room , and talked with us for a long time . She seemed in good spirits . She told us of a scratch she 'd had for awhile that seemed to be leaking fluid , and we urged her to seek medical attention for that asap . She agreed and said she would do that the next day . Chat was winding down , and said her goodbyes and we told her to come back to chat any time . On Friday morning , I foPosted by About a year or so ago , I got a crock pot for free from one of the survey sites I participate in . It was a rather large crock pot , but I enjoyed having it ! I made lasagna , beef stew , macaroni and cheese , and a couple other things in there . Then in the spring or summer , I can 't remember , Mandy 's crock pot broke . She uses hers way more than I use mine , and since mine was family size , I asked her if she wanted it . She said sure , and she bought me a smaller crock pot . Since I got it , I 've made a couple things I 've never made before . I did beef stew again ( because it 's just so yummy ! ) , but I 've also made black bean soup . It turned out really good ! Today I made boneless pork ribs for the first time ever . It turned out terrific ! I had used a dry rub overnight on the pork first , and this morning I put the pork in the crock pot and covered it with a mixture of Jack Daniel 's bbq sauce and apple cider . I had it on low for 8 hours . By the time I had dinner tonight , the pork fell apart as soon as I touched it with a fork ! It was da bomb ! ! I 'm excited about having pulled pork sandwiches later this week ! ! I have a couple more recipes I 'd like to try in the crock pot , including a beef and barley soup , and chicken stew . I 'm so glad to have the crock pot , because it 's easy to use , and I don 't have to worry about cooking in the evening for dinner . Plus , I have a lot of leftovers ! It 's great to stock up the freezer , especially during the winter ! And one final note about crock pot cooking : one of the best things about having one ? Your house smells soooooo good all day while whatever is in there is cooking ! One of the drawbacks ? Your house smells soooooooo good all day while whatever is in there is cooking ! Makes you feel like eating all day long because your tummy is loving the smells ! LOL For the past several nights , I 've been hearing this noise in the house , and I couldn 't quite figure out what it was . It 's sort of like a rumbling noise , almost as if someone was running a sewing machine . At first I thought it was my fridge , but I kept going over to it and listening , and the sound wasn 't coming from it . Tonight I opened my apartment door into the hallway and listened . Not coming from the basement . I crept up some of the stairs leading up to D 's apartment . Hmmm , the sound was coming from there ! Ok , so I knew the source . But what the heck was it ? ? ? ? She wasn 't home , so I went back down to ponder and wait for her arrival so I could ask ! As soon as I heard her turn the key in the door , I went back into the hallway . I asked her if she had something running upstairs , and she started apologizing . She said she had gotten 2 hamsters from someone , and they were running on a wheel . Oooooooooooooooh . Soooooo not what I was expecting to hear . But , at least I finally got the answer to what was driving me insane for several nights ! ! On Thursday night , I was talking to a good phriend , and I had been telling her how I 've run into some rather cute guys in the past week . The point I was trying to make was that I 'm starting to look around again , even though I 'm still not too sure how I feel about maybe trying to join the dating scene again . Part of the reason is that I still miss Euan a lot . It doesn 't hurt as much as it did in the beginning when he died . In fact , usually when I think about him nowadays , it 's because I heard something or remembered something that reminded me of him . Usually it makes me smile a little , or sometimes it makes me tear up a bit , but I haven 't cried over him in a long time . Yesterday afternoon was a little different , though . I was in the middle of making a necklace , and I thought of Euan , and I suddenly had an overwhelming sense of panic because I realized he wasn 't around to tell him anything . It was as if I was just realizing now , seven months later , that he was gone . I almost couldn 't breathe . I have only felt like that a couple times , and the other time was a couple months after Mason had died . I can tell you that it 's not a very comforting feeling . I eventually calmed down , but it was quite unbelievable knowing that my mind was having a hard time grasping the concept of loss for a few minutes . Another reason I 'm not sure if I 'm ready to go out into the shark tank is because , well , I 'm afraid . I don 't really think I 've had that much luck finding guys who actually want to deal with someone living with an illness . Many moons ago when I used to talk to men online ( something I haven 't done in ages ) , everything would seem fine and dandy until I 'd tell them about my health . Some of them would be curious , some wouldn 't even stick around . I 've had dates that were just one time deals , and then I 'd never hear from them again . I mean , I know that happens to all of us . As much as I 'm secure about going out in public with oxygen and not caring anymore what people think , I totally don 't feel that way about dating . I guess I just Posted by For 69 days , 33 Chilean miners were trapped in a mine . No one knew if any of them had survived until almost 3 weeks after the mine collapsed . First predictions thought the miners may not even be out of the there until Christmas . There were 3 teams working on 3 different plans of action to get the miners out of there . People from all over the world were helping out . A small city formed by the families of the trapped miners , and they refused to leave until every single miner was freed . A few days ago , one of the plans to get the men out was finalized . Last night , rescuers were sent down in a capsule called Phoenix , and the slow beginning to freeing the men was started . More predictions thought it might take up to 36 hours . Rescue operations ended in about 24 hours , much faster than had been predicted . Everything went so smoothly , it was almost unbelievable ! Last night , I watched the beginning of the rescue efforts . I finally went to bed after the third man got to the top . It was so emotional watching every single rescue , seeing the faces of their loved ones as they got out of the capsule and onto the ground . By the time I got up this morning , 13 men had been rescued . I ended up having live streaming video on my laptop all day , doing things in between rescues . I just didn 't want to miss all the emotion , and the fact that this was definitely an historic event , not only for Chile , but for the world ! I am so happy that all the rescues were successful , the 6 rescuers who went down into the mine are now all back up onto solid ground , and that no one is injured or has major illnesses . This has truly been a miraculous event , and it was a huge piece of good news that the world has needed for awhile now ! My life changed on October 12 , 2003 . That was the day I began a medicine to treat my pulmonary hypertension . I was 28 at that time . The only medicine I had been on since I was a small child was digoxin , for my heart . I continue to take that medicine , but now I am also on 2 meds to treat symptoms of PH . Tracleer was the very first one I started taking . It is a pill taken twice a day , 12 hours apart . It took a couple of months before I finally realized how much it was helping me , especially with shortness of breath . When I first realized I was not so tired going from the house to the garage , I cried . I couldn 't believe it , I wasn 't as short of breath as I had been growing up ! Some people think it 's nuts that I 've remembered the day I started a pill . I don 't . I remember that day because it drastically changed my life . I am so thankful for 7 years on this med , and I can only hope and pray for so many more years to come . My upstairs neighbor kept a bird named London in the backyard . London was a racing pigeon . She originally came from London , Ontario . Her first and only race , she broke her wing . Somehow D . acquired her , and has been taking care of her for several years . London was kept in a large carrier , and D . would change the paper in the carrier , and the food and water , pretty much every day . Many times , London would wander around the yard , picking at things , but she 'd usually end up back near her carrier . Several times this summer , I 'd find London out back there by herself , and D . would be upstairs in her apartment for maybe 5 - 10 minutes before she came back down . I was a little concerned about that , because I was afraid that London might be taken by someone or would just run away ( since she couldn 't fly ! ) . But , D . would come back down and London would be ok , and then put back into her little home . Today , London was attacked and killed by a roaming cat while D . was upstairs . I was in my kitchen making dinner when I heard the dogs next door barking . I also heard D . start sobbing hysterically . I thought maybe she was upset about a puppy they had to put down at work today ( she works in a vet clinic ) , but 2 minutes later , she came back into the house and called my name . I opened my door and there she was standing with London wrapped in newspaper , blood everywhere . She told me a cat had killed London , and that it was all her fault because she had left her outside by herself . I felt just horrible . D . went back outside , and a bit later I went out there to ask if there was anything I could do , but she said no . I told her I would miss saying hello to London when I 'd go into the garage . I did a little attached to her , too . It 's hard losing a pet , but even harder when it 's a tragic ending . My only hope was that London didn 't suffer from the attack . Poor little bird . ( By the way , I saw that black and white cat who killed London later on , wandering around my front yard . D . had seen the cat right before she found London . I wanted to go outsPosted by I got up after hearing my phone in the kitchen this morning . I thought it was Mandy , so I sprung out of bed in mid - dream . I felt rather dazed . I didn 't rush to answer the phone , but I at least got myself out of bed . After getting my contacts in and stuff , I went to the phone and found out it was Rite Aid calling me about one of my meds again . I hate the stupid reminder phone call . I don 't even know how I got signed up for it ! There isn 't any way online that I can see to cancel it , so I guess I 'll ask at the pharmacy tomorrow . Irritating ! I got Mittens his breakfast , and I went to wash my face . I felt so nice and warm for once in my pjs , so I decided that today would be Pajama Day . It 's not that I wasn 't feeling sick or tired or anything , I honestly just didn 't want to get dressed . lol Although I have places to go , I thought I 'd just leave it for tomorrow . So , I had breakfast , and spent way too much time online before I finally decided to go work on a few jewelry - related things . I had to resize a couple PH bracelets for 2 ladies who were at the meeting on Saturday . I also remade a Medic Alert bracelet for myself . And then I set up a triple illusion necklace set with these gorgeous fall colored beads . They are black - dark brown - red - orangey round beads , and I just think they are so nice ! Hopefully I will have some time to work on it fully soon ! Right before Mittens and I got in a nap , I found out of from a phriend that a phriend of ours had received her call for lungs ! SW was headed to the hospital , in Texas , and I prayed for 20 minutes that this call would be for real . Anyone on a transplant list can be called and then find out later that it was a false alarm . SW already had one of those calls over a month or so ago , so I was really hoping it wasn 't going to happen again . As far as I know right now , about 8 hours later , the surgery is a go ! I hope to hear in the morning how the surgery is going . It can take a long time to get through that surgery . I 'm praying that everything goes off without a hitch ! I got up from my nPosted by When I saw my eye doctor last month , he wanted me to see a retina specialist . The past couple of years he 's been a little concerned with my eyes , especially the left one . I 'm currently waiting for my sister to pick me up so I can go to my appointment . I 'd lie if I said I wasn 't nervous . I am hoping that it isn 't as bad as my eye doc was thinking , and that 'll they 'll continue to keep an " eye " on it ( haha ) . But , I really don 't want anything like retina detachment to occur ! That would be just horrible ! I used to wonder which I would miss more , my eyesight or my hearing . I always said that I would totally be heartbroken if I could no longer listen to music . But now that I 'm facing a possible eye problem , I realize just how important it is to see . Of course , I should consider myself lucky that I can see and hear pretty good , because there are so many who can 't . Anyway , I 'm worrying myself again ! I won 't know anything for sure until I see ( haha ) this new doctor ! ! * UPDATE * I can 't see at all because my pupils are so dilated and my eyes are so dry , but the eye specialist said she saw nothing wrong with my retinas . Yay ! ! She thinks maybe because I am so near - sighted , that my doctor was seeing something that wasn 't really there . I don 't know , I 'm just glad I don 't have any issues right now ! I must go lay down and hope to heck my vision improves once I get up . Don 't ask me how I 'm typing . It 's all a big blur . lol If there are errors , I 'm sorry . lol I got to bed on Friday night and felt better about the meeting the next day , since I had pretty much gotten everything together . Saturday I woke up at 7am to take Revatio , and for whatever reason , the next 2 hours went by so slowly . I wanted to get another 2 hours of sleep , and I 'm not sure I ever really did . So I finally got up at 9 and got myself ready to go . Joan picked me up at 11am so we could get the food first . Wow , they kept bringing out boxes of stuff ! It all smelled sooooo delicious when we got back in the car . We headed to the hospital with no problems . Joan pulled up to the front of the hospital , and we both went in to get some wheelchairs , since it was the only way we could get the food in the room . A big shoutout goes to the security guard working on Saturday , because he had to unlock the room , and he brought one wheelchair up there for us ! Yay , M ! ! Joan and I got the other 2 up into the room , and Joan started setting up the food while I set up my stuff . My doctor showed up , and I introduced him to Joan . He began a mission of finding some cable thing that he needed in order to use the projector in the room with his netbook that had slides he wanted to use . Luckily he found one at the nurses ' station ! Slowly other PHers and their family / friends started coming in , and I did get to greet all of them . I eventually started the meeting by announcing who sponsored the lunch , and we enjoyed the food ! About half an hour later , I introduced Dr . G , and he began his talk about lung transplantation , and everything that goes with it . It was a very informative talk , he surely knows his stuff ! ! People did ask him questions , he asked us questions , and I thought it all went very well . When he was done and no more questions were asked , I started doing the Blue Lips campaign . Another PHer asked if she could help , and suddenly the entire task was taken over , and I was being asked by a few other people about my jewelry . Before I knew it , most of the people were gone and Joan was just waiting for me to finish packing up mPosted by I 've been on oxygen for over 8 years now . Although , when I first started wearing it full time I was very sporadic with it when I 'd go out in public ( wear it to the restaurant / movie theater / someone 's house , etc , then take it off before going in ) . Over the years , and especially the last couple , I just don 't care anymore if I have it on . I know I need it , and I know it 's helping . So , since I wear my o2 so much now , my niece and nephew here in town have mostly seen me with it on . They tried to pull it off my face when they were babies . They 've asked questions about it . I caught my nephew trying on my cannula one day ( of course , I took it off to answer a phone call in another room when I was babysitting him . . . what did I think a curious 2yr old at the time would do ? ? ) . I had a sniffing war with my niece when she was about 4 one day while I was over . She heard the puff sound from the bottle when I breathed in , so she was trying to copy it by sniffing in hard . So I would do it again , and we went back and forth for 5 minutes , both of us laughing our heads off as we tried to over - sniff each other . I have told them that I need to wear the oxygen to help me breathe better . They sorta get it . But yesterday was cute when I watched my nephew for about 20 minutes while Mandy went to pick up H . from school . As he sat there eating a muffin , he pointed to my cannula and told me he wanted one of them to breathe . I said he didn 't need one , and he said that he did , because he couldn 't breathe good . He was so serious about it , too . So , I just told him that the only way he could get one was to go see his doctor and ask . Well , that made him change his mind . He just looked at me and said , naaaaaa , and continued to eat his muffin . I just thought it was too cute and funny ! lol I have been planning for my upcoming PH support group meeting for over a month now , but crunch time is here , since the meeting is tomorrow . Although things are almost set , I feel like I have nothing done . The food has been ordered , the guest speaker is squared away . He is my PH doctor from the Cleveland Clinic , and he will be talking about lung transplant . I have my PH bracelets all in a bag , since a few members asked me about them again . I have all the stuff for the Pucker Up 4 PH campaign , including the blue lipstick mixed with Vaseline so it 'll go on lips better ! I started a bag of extra stuff to bring in case of leftovers ( which is ALWAYS the case ) . I have a list of things I need to mention during the meeting , I just need to print it out . I can 't think of anything else I need to do , but I 'm still stressed out about everything ! ! I hate that I get this way . I 'm looking forward to the meeting , but it 's going to go in a flash and be done before I know it . Then I 'll go through it all again for the next meeting in the spring ! Besides the meeting , I found out that I have some family coming into town for the weekend . While it 'll be nice to see them , it is so not my main focus until I get home Saturday afternoon from the meeting . I 'll probably see them tonight , maybe for dinner , but I 'm just trying to take it easy so I have enough rest for tomorrow ! I 'm an easygoing person , who gets along with just about everyone I meet . I live in a place where the waterfalls are beautiful ! I have grown up with a rare lung condition , called pulmonary hypertension . I have many limits , but they have not stopped me from being a good person and loving my family and friends ! They are very important in my life ! : ) |
Becky was a 21yr old woman who had been waiting on the transplant list for almost a year and a half . She needed a new heart as well as lungs . She had pulmonary hypertension and congenital heart disease , and was diagnosed when she was 6 years old . She was a special case , as her heart was located on the right side of her chest instead of the left , and it was backwards . It made a complicated case for the doctors , but they listed her because they thought they would be able to do the transplant whenever that time came . Becky finally got her call last night . I saw it on her sister 's Facebook page , and I actually cried . I 'd been praying for her for so long , and I was so happy she was finally getting her 2nd chance . Of course , I was hoping this wouldn 't be a dry run for her . But when I got up this morning , I received an email from Becky 's mom saying that the surgery had started at 6 : 15am my time . I prayed all day that the surgery would be successful and that Becky would do well . However , tonight I heard from a phriend who talked to Becky 's mom that Becky wasn 't doing well , that the heart wasn 't responding well , and that they had to take Becky back into surgery to stop some severe bleeding . A couple hours after that , I found out that Becky had died at 10 : 02 my time ( EST ) . I am very saddened to know that she never got her chance to heal from the surgery and experience life more . She was so young , and she had been sick for so very long . It 's heartbreaking that I 've lost , well , that the PH community has lost , another phriend . It 's also maddening . We need a cure . Not tomorrow , TODAY . Too many are dying because there needs to be a cure . I pray for one every single day . In the meantime , I 'm praying for Becky 's family , who have got to be shellshocked and devastated . Not only was Becky 's life put on hold , but theirs as well . They all wanted so badly for Becky to be better . Her mom , especially , did every single thing she could to care for Becky . So I pray for strength for them , because they are going to need it . They are going to taPosted by Today I had such a busy day . I went to rehab , and after I was done , I went home briefly to change and get some lunch . I got all my things ready to spend some time out in Amherst , which is about 20 minutes or so away . It all depends on how fast I can drive up the boulevard to get there . I met a phriend for coffee at Barnes & Noble for a little while , and that time just went too fast ! I had to leave in time to make it to an appt with the dermatologist I see . During the appt , I told him that I don 't get the breakouts like I used to , so the antibiotic I 've been on seems to be helping . However , I 'm still dealing with such oily skin that it 's driving me insane . He wants to put me on a topical gel , but my insurance just won 't cover it . So , he gave me a whole bunch of samples . I thought that was rather nice of him ! I 'm hoping they 'll help some ! After my appt , I went to Michael 's to look at the bead section . Yes , beads again ! lol I was good and after having a handful of beads , I put several of them back and only bought three strands . I also found some letter charms to add to 2 of my bracelets , so I was happy about that ! I started wandering the rest of the store when my friend texted me that they were leaving for the Olive Garden , where I was going to meet them for dinner . So , I paid for my beads and charms , and headed to the restaurant which was less than 5 minutes away ! My friends and I sat down to eat when we all arrived , and not even 5 minutes after that , it started to downpour ! We knew the bad weather was coming , but we just weren 't sure when . We made sure that we took our time eating so we wouldn 't have to head back out there too soon ! By the time we enjoyed our meal , and dessert , the rain wasn 't that intense . I was glad for that , but I still really hate driving on rainy nights . My eyes don 't like it too much , and I feel sometimes as if I can 't see very well . I took my time driving back home , and by the time I got back , I felt rather tense ! So I took a nice bath , and then played online for the rest of the evening . Now Posted by A person very dear to me has had diabetes for decades , and I worry about this person when I know they aren 't eating right or doing the things they should to keep themselves healthy . Last week this person found out that glucose was in a place where it shouldn 't be , and I just tonight found out that when that happens a lot , the kidneys can begin to fail . I had no idea . It causes even more worry . This person told me that one of the biggest ways to keep glucose down , besides eating right , is exercise . I know this person isn 't getting it . I completely understand how hard it is to just make the decision and start exercising every day , or at least several times a week . If I weren 't going to pulmonary rehab , I wouldn 't be working out because I just can 't seem to stick to a routine at home . And so I do realize that it 's hard to just start an exercising regimen , especially when you 're on your own . I truly wish I could exercise with this person . Even just going for walks gets me a bit too tired , so that kinda defeats the purpose . This person 's heart is in good shape right now , so the cardiologist has no reason to write a script for cardio rehab . That 's too bad , since it might be nice if this person could join me at rehab ! I just wish there was something I could do to get this person motivated and realizing how important it is to start doing something , SOMETHING , to improve their health through exercise . I just want them to feel better , and I know this is one step which is rather necessary . This past week was a bit of a rough one for me breathing - wise . Not only the weather bugged me most of the week , but I also felt rather bloated for a few days , which caused me to be so short of breath that talking on the phone or to someone was a problem . Even just laying in bed was hard . It almost felt like the days of yore when I was growing up and not on meds to treat my pulmonary hypertension . It sucked , and it gets a bit depressing . I hate when I go through periods like this . It reels me back to wondering if the PH will actually worsen like that for real one day , and not for a brief interlude . I 'm doing better now , thank goodness , but the days when I was really feeling crappy were very much downers . Sometimes it 's just so very hard living with this disease . I have met so many different people with PH both in the real world and the online world ( funny how there are 2 separate worlds in my life now ! ) . It 's awesome when those 2 worlds collide together and you can actually talk in person to someone you got to know online who is going through much of what you 're dealing with , too . Well , anyway , years ago a Mexican woman named Mariana came onto the boards . She posted with many questions , and we became phriends , chatting online or emailing often . She was such a sweet person ! Many of my phriends were able to meet her at the PH Conference in Miami , FL . Her smile was so infectious ! Eventually she told many of us she wanted to take a more holistic approach to her PH , and we all seemed to lose touch with her . At the beginning of this month , she posted on the PH board , and so many of us were happy to hear from her ! This past Monday , she came into the chat room , and talked with us for a long time . She seemed in good spirits . She told us of a scratch she 'd had for awhile that seemed to be leaking fluid , and we urged her to seek medical attention for that asap . She agreed and said she would do that the next day . Chat was winding down , and said her goodbyes and we told her to come back to chat any time . On Friday morning , I foPosted by About a year or so ago , I got a crock pot for free from one of the survey sites I participate in . It was a rather large crock pot , but I enjoyed having it ! I made lasagna , beef stew , macaroni and cheese , and a couple other things in there . Then in the spring or summer , I can 't remember , Mandy 's crock pot broke . She uses hers way more than I use mine , and since mine was family size , I asked her if she wanted it . She said sure , and she bought me a smaller crock pot . Since I got it , I 've made a couple things I 've never made before . I did beef stew again ( because it 's just so yummy ! ) , but I 've also made black bean soup . It turned out really good ! Today I made boneless pork ribs for the first time ever . It turned out terrific ! I had used a dry rub overnight on the pork first , and this morning I put the pork in the crock pot and covered it with a mixture of Jack Daniel 's bbq sauce and apple cider . I had it on low for 8 hours . By the time I had dinner tonight , the pork fell apart as soon as I touched it with a fork ! It was da bomb ! ! I 'm excited about having pulled pork sandwiches later this week ! ! I have a couple more recipes I 'd like to try in the crock pot , including a beef and barley soup , and chicken stew . I 'm so glad to have the crock pot , because it 's easy to use , and I don 't have to worry about cooking in the evening for dinner . Plus , I have a lot of leftovers ! It 's great to stock up the freezer , especially during the winter ! And one final note about crock pot cooking : one of the best things about having one ? Your house smells soooooo good all day while whatever is in there is cooking ! One of the drawbacks ? Your house smells soooooooo good all day while whatever is in there is cooking ! Makes you feel like eating all day long because your tummy is loving the smells ! LOL For the past several nights , I 've been hearing this noise in the house , and I couldn 't quite figure out what it was . It 's sort of like a rumbling noise , almost as if someone was running a sewing machine . At first I thought it was my fridge , but I kept going over to it and listening , and the sound wasn 't coming from it . Tonight I opened my apartment door into the hallway and listened . Not coming from the basement . I crept up some of the stairs leading up to D 's apartment . Hmmm , the sound was coming from there ! Ok , so I knew the source . But what the heck was it ? ? ? ? She wasn 't home , so I went back down to ponder and wait for her arrival so I could ask ! As soon as I heard her turn the key in the door , I went back into the hallway . I asked her if she had something running upstairs , and she started apologizing . She said she had gotten 2 hamsters from someone , and they were running on a wheel . Oooooooooooooooh . Soooooo not what I was expecting to hear . But , at least I finally got the answer to what was driving me insane for several nights ! ! On Thursday night , I was talking to a good phriend , and I had been telling her how I 've run into some rather cute guys in the past week . The point I was trying to make was that I 'm starting to look around again , even though I 'm still not too sure how I feel about maybe trying to join the dating scene again . Part of the reason is that I still miss Euan a lot . It doesn 't hurt as much as it did in the beginning when he died . In fact , usually when I think about him nowadays , it 's because I heard something or remembered something that reminded me of him . Usually it makes me smile a little , or sometimes it makes me tear up a bit , but I haven 't cried over him in a long time . Yesterday afternoon was a little different , though . I was in the middle of making a necklace , and I thought of Euan , and I suddenly had an overwhelming sense of panic because I realized he wasn 't around to tell him anything . It was as if I was just realizing now , seven months later , that he was gone . I almost couldn 't breathe . I have only felt like that a couple times , and the other time was a couple months after Mason had died . I can tell you that it 's not a very comforting feeling . I eventually calmed down , but it was quite unbelievable knowing that my mind was having a hard time grasping the concept of loss for a few minutes . Another reason I 'm not sure if I 'm ready to go out into the shark tank is because , well , I 'm afraid . I don 't really think I 've had that much luck finding guys who actually want to deal with someone living with an illness . Many moons ago when I used to talk to men online ( something I haven 't done in ages ) , everything would seem fine and dandy until I 'd tell them about my health . Some of them would be curious , some wouldn 't even stick around . I 've had dates that were just one time deals , and then I 'd never hear from them again . I mean , I know that happens to all of us . As much as I 'm secure about going out in public with oxygen and not caring anymore what people think , I totally don 't feel that way about dating . I guess I just Posted by For 69 days , 33 Chilean miners were trapped in a mine . No one knew if any of them had survived until almost 3 weeks after the mine collapsed . First predictions thought the miners may not even be out of the there until Christmas . There were 3 teams working on 3 different plans of action to get the miners out of there . People from all over the world were helping out . A small city formed by the families of the trapped miners , and they refused to leave until every single miner was freed . A few days ago , one of the plans to get the men out was finalized . Last night , rescuers were sent down in a capsule called Phoenix , and the slow beginning to freeing the men was started . More predictions thought it might take up to 36 hours . Rescue operations ended in about 24 hours , much faster than had been predicted . Everything went so smoothly , it was almost unbelievable ! Last night , I watched the beginning of the rescue efforts . I finally went to bed after the third man got to the top . It was so emotional watching every single rescue , seeing the faces of their loved ones as they got out of the capsule and onto the ground . By the time I got up this morning , 13 men had been rescued . I ended up having live streaming video on my laptop all day , doing things in between rescues . I just didn 't want to miss all the emotion , and the fact that this was definitely an historic event , not only for Chile , but for the world ! I am so happy that all the rescues were successful , the 6 rescuers who went down into the mine are now all back up onto solid ground , and that no one is injured or has major illnesses . This has truly been a miraculous event , and it was a huge piece of good news that the world has needed for awhile now ! My life changed on October 12 , 2003 . That was the day I began a medicine to treat my pulmonary hypertension . I was 28 at that time . The only medicine I had been on since I was a small child was digoxin , for my heart . I continue to take that medicine , but now I am also on 2 meds to treat symptoms of PH . Tracleer was the very first one I started taking . It is a pill taken twice a day , 12 hours apart . It took a couple of months before I finally realized how much it was helping me , especially with shortness of breath . When I first realized I was not so tired going from the house to the garage , I cried . I couldn 't believe it , I wasn 't as short of breath as I had been growing up ! Some people think it 's nuts that I 've remembered the day I started a pill . I don 't . I remember that day because it drastically changed my life . I am so thankful for 7 years on this med , and I can only hope and pray for so many more years to come . My upstairs neighbor kept a bird named London in the backyard . London was a racing pigeon . She originally came from London , Ontario . Her first and only race , she broke her wing . Somehow D . acquired her , and has been taking care of her for several years . London was kept in a large carrier , and D . would change the paper in the carrier , and the food and water , pretty much every day . Many times , London would wander around the yard , picking at things , but she 'd usually end up back near her carrier . Several times this summer , I 'd find London out back there by herself , and D . would be upstairs in her apartment for maybe 5 - 10 minutes before she came back down . I was a little concerned about that , because I was afraid that London might be taken by someone or would just run away ( since she couldn 't fly ! ) . But , D . would come back down and London would be ok , and then put back into her little home . Today , London was attacked and killed by a roaming cat while D . was upstairs . I was in my kitchen making dinner when I heard the dogs next door barking . I also heard D . start sobbing hysterically . I thought maybe she was upset about a puppy they had to put down at work today ( she works in a vet clinic ) , but 2 minutes later , she came back into the house and called my name . I opened my door and there she was standing with London wrapped in newspaper , blood everywhere . She told me a cat had killed London , and that it was all her fault because she had left her outside by herself . I felt just horrible . D . went back outside , and a bit later I went out there to ask if there was anything I could do , but she said no . I told her I would miss saying hello to London when I 'd go into the garage . I did a little attached to her , too . It 's hard losing a pet , but even harder when it 's a tragic ending . My only hope was that London didn 't suffer from the attack . Poor little bird . ( By the way , I saw that black and white cat who killed London later on , wandering around my front yard . D . had seen the cat right before she found London . I wanted to go outsPosted by I got up after hearing my phone in the kitchen this morning . I thought it was Mandy , so I sprung out of bed in mid - dream . I felt rather dazed . I didn 't rush to answer the phone , but I at least got myself out of bed . After getting my contacts in and stuff , I went to the phone and found out it was Rite Aid calling me about one of my meds again . I hate the stupid reminder phone call . I don 't even know how I got signed up for it ! There isn 't any way online that I can see to cancel it , so I guess I 'll ask at the pharmacy tomorrow . Irritating ! I got Mittens his breakfast , and I went to wash my face . I felt so nice and warm for once in my pjs , so I decided that today would be Pajama Day . It 's not that I wasn 't feeling sick or tired or anything , I honestly just didn 't want to get dressed . lol Although I have places to go , I thought I 'd just leave it for tomorrow . So , I had breakfast , and spent way too much time online before I finally decided to go work on a few jewelry - related things . I had to resize a couple PH bracelets for 2 ladies who were at the meeting on Saturday . I also remade a Medic Alert bracelet for myself . And then I set up a triple illusion necklace set with these gorgeous fall colored beads . They are black - dark brown - red - orangey round beads , and I just think they are so nice ! Hopefully I will have some time to work on it fully soon ! Right before Mittens and I got in a nap , I found out of from a phriend that a phriend of ours had received her call for lungs ! SW was headed to the hospital , in Texas , and I prayed for 20 minutes that this call would be for real . Anyone on a transplant list can be called and then find out later that it was a false alarm . SW already had one of those calls over a month or so ago , so I was really hoping it wasn 't going to happen again . As far as I know right now , about 8 hours later , the surgery is a go ! I hope to hear in the morning how the surgery is going . It can take a long time to get through that surgery . I 'm praying that everything goes off without a hitch ! I got up from my nPosted by When I saw my eye doctor last month , he wanted me to see a retina specialist . The past couple of years he 's been a little concerned with my eyes , especially the left one . I 'm currently waiting for my sister to pick me up so I can go to my appointment . I 'd lie if I said I wasn 't nervous . I am hoping that it isn 't as bad as my eye doc was thinking , and that 'll they 'll continue to keep an " eye " on it ( haha ) . But , I really don 't want anything like retina detachment to occur ! That would be just horrible ! I used to wonder which I would miss more , my eyesight or my hearing . I always said that I would totally be heartbroken if I could no longer listen to music . But now that I 'm facing a possible eye problem , I realize just how important it is to see . Of course , I should consider myself lucky that I can see and hear pretty good , because there are so many who can 't . Anyway , I 'm worrying myself again ! I won 't know anything for sure until I see ( haha ) this new doctor ! ! * UPDATE * I can 't see at all because my pupils are so dilated and my eyes are so dry , but the eye specialist said she saw nothing wrong with my retinas . Yay ! ! She thinks maybe because I am so near - sighted , that my doctor was seeing something that wasn 't really there . I don 't know , I 'm just glad I don 't have any issues right now ! I must go lay down and hope to heck my vision improves once I get up . Don 't ask me how I 'm typing . It 's all a big blur . lol If there are errors , I 'm sorry . lol I got to bed on Friday night and felt better about the meeting the next day , since I had pretty much gotten everything together . Saturday I woke up at 7am to take Revatio , and for whatever reason , the next 2 hours went by so slowly . I wanted to get another 2 hours of sleep , and I 'm not sure I ever really did . So I finally got up at 9 and got myself ready to go . Joan picked me up at 11am so we could get the food first . Wow , they kept bringing out boxes of stuff ! It all smelled sooooo delicious when we got back in the car . We headed to the hospital with no problems . Joan pulled up to the front of the hospital , and we both went in to get some wheelchairs , since it was the only way we could get the food in the room . A big shoutout goes to the security guard working on Saturday , because he had to unlock the room , and he brought one wheelchair up there for us ! Yay , M ! ! Joan and I got the other 2 up into the room , and Joan started setting up the food while I set up my stuff . My doctor showed up , and I introduced him to Joan . He began a mission of finding some cable thing that he needed in order to use the projector in the room with his netbook that had slides he wanted to use . Luckily he found one at the nurses ' station ! Slowly other PHers and their family / friends started coming in , and I did get to greet all of them . I eventually started the meeting by announcing who sponsored the lunch , and we enjoyed the food ! About half an hour later , I introduced Dr . G , and he began his talk about lung transplantation , and everything that goes with it . It was a very informative talk , he surely knows his stuff ! ! People did ask him questions , he asked us questions , and I thought it all went very well . When he was done and no more questions were asked , I started doing the Blue Lips campaign . Another PHer asked if she could help , and suddenly the entire task was taken over , and I was being asked by a few other people about my jewelry . Before I knew it , most of the people were gone and Joan was just waiting for me to finish packing up mPosted by I 've been on oxygen for over 8 years now . Although , when I first started wearing it full time I was very sporadic with it when I 'd go out in public ( wear it to the restaurant / movie theater / someone 's house , etc , then take it off before going in ) . Over the years , and especially the last couple , I just don 't care anymore if I have it on . I know I need it , and I know it 's helping . So , since I wear my o2 so much now , my niece and nephew here in town have mostly seen me with it on . They tried to pull it off my face when they were babies . They 've asked questions about it . I caught my nephew trying on my cannula one day ( of course , I took it off to answer a phone call in another room when I was babysitting him . . . what did I think a curious 2yr old at the time would do ? ? ) . I had a sniffing war with my niece when she was about 4 one day while I was over . She heard the puff sound from the bottle when I breathed in , so she was trying to copy it by sniffing in hard . So I would do it again , and we went back and forth for 5 minutes , both of us laughing our heads off as we tried to over - sniff each other . I have told them that I need to wear the oxygen to help me breathe better . They sorta get it . But yesterday was cute when I watched my nephew for about 20 minutes while Mandy went to pick up H . from school . As he sat there eating a muffin , he pointed to my cannula and told me he wanted one of them to breathe . I said he didn 't need one , and he said that he did , because he couldn 't breathe good . He was so serious about it , too . So , I just told him that the only way he could get one was to go see his doctor and ask . Well , that made him change his mind . He just looked at me and said , naaaaaa , and continued to eat his muffin . I just thought it was too cute and funny ! lol I have been planning for my upcoming PH support group meeting for over a month now , but crunch time is here , since the meeting is tomorrow . Although things are almost set , I feel like I have nothing done . The food has been ordered , the guest speaker is squared away . He is my PH doctor from the Cleveland Clinic , and he will be talking about lung transplant . I have my PH bracelets all in a bag , since a few members asked me about them again . I have all the stuff for the Pucker Up 4 PH campaign , including the blue lipstick mixed with Vaseline so it 'll go on lips better ! I started a bag of extra stuff to bring in case of leftovers ( which is ALWAYS the case ) . I have a list of things I need to mention during the meeting , I just need to print it out . I can 't think of anything else I need to do , but I 'm still stressed out about everything ! ! I hate that I get this way . I 'm looking forward to the meeting , but it 's going to go in a flash and be done before I know it . Then I 'll go through it all again for the next meeting in the spring ! Besides the meeting , I found out that I have some family coming into town for the weekend . While it 'll be nice to see them , it is so not my main focus until I get home Saturday afternoon from the meeting . I 'll probably see them tonight , maybe for dinner , but I 'm just trying to take it easy so I have enough rest for tomorrow ! I 'm an easygoing person , who gets along with just about everyone I meet . I live in a place where the waterfalls are beautiful ! I have grown up with a rare lung condition , called pulmonary hypertension . I have many limits , but they have not stopped me from being a good person and loving my family and friends ! They are very important in my life ! : ) |
Today I called Daughter 's medicaid plan about the ongoing problems with needles for her insulin pens . The woman told me ( again ) the pharmacy was billing it wrong , and weren 't billing my insurance first . I had the denial in front of me , and informed them that the pharmacy was billing my insurance company first . Then she tried to tell me I needed to change pharmacies because this one didn 't know how to bill . I informed her they were handling all of Daughter 's other prescriptions without a problem . Then she told me that they needed to call in . I explained they had called in , and was told they weren 't covered . Finally she put me on hold to make some calls . I finally got an answer . It seems that they don 't want to pay for pen needles unless they are billed with the insulin pens . I explained to her that there are 5 insulin pens in a box , which lasts for a couple of months . She goes through a box of needles in a month 's time . That doesn 't make any difference . I told her it was a waste to stockpile pens we weren 't going to use so they 'd pay for the needles . They put in an override to pay for the needles this month . I picked them up this evening , and they had removed the $ 20 co - pay from my insurance company . I find myself asking if all the trips to the pharmacy and all the phone calls weren 't worth more than the $ 20 I saved . More importantly , though , I wonder what happens to people who don 't have a strong advocate , or someone who will pay for the prescription rather than go with out while fighting for payment . It 's no wonder people stop taking their medication . I think it would be much more cost effective to pay for the medication than to pay for the hospitalization . But then , I 'm not an insurance company . This is the final week Daughter 's program will be housed at the church . What was supposed to be a couple of weeks has turned out to be over 6 months . Once we gave Program Coordinator a key and alarm code , it got much easier . In fact , Administrative Assistant has commented that she 'll miss having them here . They were downstairs , and there was an entrance right by their room that they used for most of their comings and goings . We could hear some of their movement , and they 'd come up occasionally to use the copy machine . We had to buzz them in through the office entrance occasionally if PC was out when they came back from an outing . Daughter , of course , is anxious about the move . We have been careful to minimize the contact she has with me during her program . She can 't come up and see me , she has to call or text as though I weren 't around . She does call and text - - regularly . The same type things she called and texted when we were in Tiny Village . She often has a crisis and needs me to rescue her from the program immediately . Just like in Tiny Village I offer encouragement and tell her I 'll see her at the end of the day . A couple of weeks ago we drove to the new location from the church , and then from the new location to home . We measured the time and mileage , and both were shorter than what we 'd had to deal with in Tiny Village . This reassured her some . More challenging is the fact that she 'll be away at camp for their opening week . I 'm sure that the week of her return will be challenging . They have a number of people waiting to enter the program when they complete the move . Their space here has been limited , so they had to limit the number of participants . This morning , Daughter is upbeat about the upcoming move . I hope that her upbeat attitude will continue and the transition will be a smooth one . Yesterday evening I told Daughter we didn 't have to take her friend to the dance , she could meet him there . This morning , she was dry . I 'm beginning to suspect that this last round of bed wetting was a direct result of getting a boyfriend and the drama that followed . We spent over 3 hours working in the yard today . We spread 15 bags of mulch in the front and did some weeding in the back . Daughter worked with me . She isn 't a fast or careful worker , but at least she was out there working . I edged one side of the driveway this morning ( I 'd done the other side Saturday , but it was badly overgrown and I decided that it was best to not do it all at once ) . She just doesn 't get the concept of sweeping . She did pretty well for Daughter , but I still had to go behind her to clean it up . I am considering paying for the yard waste removal through the summer my trash service offers . I could take the bags to the recycling center on my own , but the hours are very limited , it still costs money , and I 'm not thrilled about transporting the stuff in my car . I also considered a compost pile , but there isn 't a good place for one in my yard , and I have lots of stuff to put on it . I 'm finding owning a home in suburbia is not cheap . Since today is Memorial Day , Daughter 's program is closed and I decided I 'm not going into the office . That doesn 't mean I don 't have work to do . I am going to write some newsletter articles , and I 'm going to work in the yard . I hope to get started in the yard early , as it 's supposed to get up to 90 today . It 's going to be very humid , so I don 't think I 'll be doing much work outside once it heats up . I may have to turn on the AC for the first time this year . I had to turn the heat back on last week . It 's been a crazy spring . Daughter told me last night she 's stressing out about the prom this weekend . So is her " just friend . " He called the church yesterday morning for details about how I 'd pick him up for it Friday . I told the individual who answered the phone to tell him to talk to me Wednesday . I told Daughter last night she doesn 't need to take him to the dance , she could meet him there . " Thank you ! " She was so relieved . This is why I 've refused to make plans to pick him up . I figure she 'll change her mind a few more times before the dance . The meal better be good , because I 'm not looking forward to this dance at all . I will be firing up the grill today for the holiday . Friday Sister invited us to come to her house today , but I decided I didn 't want to drive , I wanted to work in the yard . I hope everyone has a good holiday , and remembers the mean and women who have given their lives in service to our country . I 'm in the process of getting guardianship for Daughter . Lots of paperwork . I 'm sending her to camp in a week , more paperwork . I 'm applying for personal care assistance for her so that that funding can be used to help provide staffing for an out of home placement . More paperwork . Then there 's the ongoing battle with her medical assistance . My insurance is primary , so it just picks up the co - pays on her prescriptions . Except it 's not paying the co - pays . I finally go them to cover her insulin pens , but now they won 't pay for the needles so she can use the pens . I called them last week . " It 's the state 's fault . They say she has another insurance that is primary . " " She does . " " Oh , well the pharmacy isn 't billing properly . They need to run it through the primary insurance first and then bill us . " " That 's what they 're doing . " " Well if they can 't figure out how to do it , have them call the help line . " So the pharmacy called . The individual they talked to said that the needles aren 't covered , but didn 't offer an explanation . The person even noticed they covered them in the past . They told the pharmacy to tell me I 'd have to call to straighten it out . I think this is where I started , calling them . I came home from the pharmacy today frustrated , to say the least . I will call again on Tuesday . I will mail out the latest round of paperwork on Tuesday . I will be frustrated , though . It 's not only the emotional demands that come with dealing with Daughter and her issues , it 's the time demands that come from dealing with the system . I was exhausted this afternoon . It 's something of a miracle that she 's still alive and I didn 't kill her . Sunday mornings are not a good time to mess with mom . We had baptism and new members today , making it a little more stressful than the usual Sunday . I walked by the unlocked kitchen at the church ( I 'd opened it so volunteers could get in to make coffee for the coffee hour following worship ) and found Daughter with her head in the refrigerator . She 'd told me she was going straight to the restroom . I didn 't yell , but I did tell her she 'd let me know I couldn 't trust her . She responded by getting her purse and heading out the door . She was wearing sandals with heels , so I didn 't think she 'd get very far . A couple went out searching for her when she didn 't return as quickly as I thought she would . They found her a mile from the church , headed home . She was not happy at being found , and didn 't speak to me until after worship . She sat as far away from me as she could . We were invited to join the family celebration of the new members following worship , but I decided it would be best to come straight home . The good news is that the congregation is wonderfully supportive . Several were willing to go searching for her . She is apologetic . I didn 't kill her ( yet ) . I was anticipating a much slower pace after Easter . I wouldn 't have the extra work with the more complicated worship services we were doing during Lent . I wouldn 't be teaching a book study and developing a PowerPoint presentation that provided a summary for those who didn 't read the material without boring those who did . I was sure things would slow down . It was a great theory . The problem is , everything I put off until after Easter now has to be dealt with . Further complicating things is the reality that the late Easter leaves less time before the start of summer - - and vacations . I 've been spending a great deal of time in all the meetings that were put off until after Easter . We are making big plans for the fall , and coordinating them is going to take some work . I am very much into the big picture and coordinating all of our programs around a theme . The pattern here has been , at least recently , that each ministry goes off and does its own thing . Pulling together all the people to coordinate the various pieces takes time . Getting everyone on board and contributing their pieces in a timely manner isn 't easy . Just finding a time when everyone can meet is almost impossible . I 'm teaching a Bible study at the conference Daughter and I attend every July , and I need to begin planning for that . I also need to begin working on adult study and worship plans for the fall if everything is going to coordinate . I 've decided I 'm going to have to find a quiet place away from the church where I can do some work . I have a steady stream of people through my study all day . I love the interactions and conversations that take place , but it makes it hard to focus on a big task . It 's time to get away from the office and begin exploring the are in search of good places to get some work done , away from the distractions in my home and study . I 'm really looking forward to the fall , and am eager to begin to lay out the study and worship piece of our plans . Daughter goes to camp on June 6th , and I think that week I will set aside some blocks Posted by Daughter had a very good period of over a week . She was happy , dry at night , being responsible , and then she regressed . I 've been pondering the source of the new problems , and have identified several : Since she was feeling better , she got a new boyfriend . He began making emotional demands upon her , and she got scared . That was the first trigger for her PTSD . A staff member in her program came in and talked about how her mother and various other family members had been in a bad accident . Daughter has been paranoid about car wrecks and injuries since we were rear - ended 12 years ago at high speed on the interstate . My six month old car was totaled , and we were very fortunate to walk away from it . We were hit in the left rear corner by a speeding car , spinning us completely around . I remember looking at my side of the car hitting the guard rail that had been on the passenger side and seeing the headlights coming toward us and wondering how badly we 'd be hurt . When the car stopped , Daughter was wrapped around my arm , sobbing . She has been paranoid about auto accidents ever since . That was the second trigger . The same day , another staff member was getting calls about her mother , who was in the hospital . Daughter remembers all the phone calls about my parents when they were in and out of the hospital in the last few years of their lives , and is terrified that I 'm going to get sick and die . Trigger number 3 . The same staff member , on the same day , received a phone call from her daughter , who had been abused by her boyfriend . Daughter overheard part of the conversation , and filled in the blanks with pieces from her own past . It was at this point that she sent me a text saying she was hearing voices ( severe flashbacks ) . I responded with something about her being safe . Unable to communicate directly with me , she shut down and went to sleep for the rest of the day . Of course staff are not supposed to talk about their personal lives in front of the clients . As Program Coordinator has pointed out , Daughter may well be smarter thanPosted by Daughter and Boy Friend seem to have different definitions of what it means to be " just friends . " For Daughter , it seems to mean that she doesn 't want to talk to him or think about him , but the night of the big dance she wants to go with him . For Boy Friend , it means that they talk on the phone daily . Daughter doesn 't want to talk to him on the phone - - ever . I feel bad for the men in her life . She sends them such mixed messages . She is so conflicted when it comes to men and sex . Next week she has a psychological evaluation done in preparation for the guardianship hearing . I finally sent the paperwork in . Filing for guardianship feels like a failure . My goal for her had been independent living , and now I 'm asking a court to rule her incompetent and declare me her guardian . Many things will be easier , though , once I 'm her guardian . It will be easier to take care of her business once I 'm her guardian . I also talked to Case Manager about the residential situation for Daughter . It looks like she 'll go on a waiting list for a placement in an adult foster home with 6 - 7 other residents . Case Manager really doesn 't get the need for 24 hour a day supervision . She wondered again if she couldn 't be alone in an apartment with 2 other residents at night . I explained ( again ) that if she has access to food at night , she 'll eat it . If she doesn 't have access to food and has a low , she could die . Sometimes they can arrange for overnight staff in the apartment situations , but according to their assessment , Daughter only needs 2 hours of staff support a day . Sigh . I 've applied for personal care support , which could get her additional staffing based on health and personal care needs . We 'll see what their assessment says about her needs . On June 6 , I will be taking her to camp . I am looking forward to experiencing life without all the food locked up . It may be hard to go pick her up on the 10th . . . . When I got out of bed at 5 : 30 this morning , the hall light was on and the washing machine was running . I was pleasantly surprised . The bathtub and Daughter 's towel were wet , and the bathmat had been returned to it 's proper place . I was amazed . Daughter was in the family room watching a show on her computer . This didn 't surprise me . I got dressed and got to work , making lunch , iced tea , sugar free punch , and various other tasks . I finally told Daughter she had to turn off her computer and come to breakfast . She immediately said , " Yes , Mom , " and turned it off . Another nice surprise . Then she vanished into her bedroom . I continued what I was doing and waited several minutes before I realized she wasn 't coming right to breakfast . This was more in keeping with her behavior or late . I called her again . Her response was immediate , " I 'm doing my hair . " Sigh . She often decides to experiment with new styles , meaning it can take her over an hour to do her hair . I told her she needed to come immediately if she wanted breakfast , and she did . Another nice surprise . The final surprises of the morning : she anticipated my need for an umbrella , and reached around to grab one out of the backseat as we approached the church . Then , she asked if she could help me carry things into the church . Since I had my purse , briefcase , lunch , umbrella , and two cups of iced tea , I gratefully asked her to carry one cup of iced tea , and she did . Today got off to a much better start . Monday night Daughter didn 't turn the TV off at the agreed upon time , and Tuesday morning she didn 't want to get out of bed . Last night I wouldn 't let her watch TV . She tried to convince me she 'd learned her lesson and would be sure to get up in the morning . I still wouldn 't let her watch TV . She asked to get on her computer , and I allowed it , with the stipulation that she not watch any shows on it . She had to be in my presence without earphones . She got on FaceBook . I told her it was time to turn it off and go to bed . She didn 't do that . Once again , she wouldn 't get up this morning . So tonight , she begged me to let her watch TV or get on the computer , and insisted she 'd learned her lesson . I said no . Of course that prompted the usual : I was called names , informed she is an adult capable of making her own decisions and doesn 't need my help ( of course , she didn 't put her linens in until I reminded her this evening ) , and she informed me she was leaving ( the rain and storms put a damper on that ) . Eventually she apologized ( she 's very good at that - - it was her 4th or 5th heart felt apology and promise to treat me better today ) . She has now gone to bed early , and insists she 'll be up before 5 : 00 . She can 't figure out why I 'm not excited about her commitment to get up so early . . . . Daughter has fallen back into the victim mode . When I point out that I 've tripped and almost fallen twice over shoes I asked her to put away yesterday evening , I 'm the b * tch trying to control her life by screaming at her . ( Of course it doesn 't matter that I haven 't raised my voice and she 's yelling at me ) . It 's one of those days when she 's going to do anything she can to get me to say something to justify her raging at me . It doesn 't matter what I say or how I say it , it will be seen as proof that she is the victim of a terrible mother and justify verbal abuse of me . Choosing not to engage causes her to escalate . She can 't sing the song she 's been practicing for over a week because she sang it once with Grandma and it 's not fair that Grandma had to die . When that didn 't get a response from me , she went on a tirade about how all of creation was stacked against her and trying to make her life miserable . I gently informed her that her problems right now were the results of choices she was making , and that I knew she could do better , she had for almost two weeks . She didn 't argue - - she fell asleep , unable to face that reality . I had to wake her up to go to her program . Usually she wants to go down early . Part of the issue , unfortunately , is that staff engaged in conversations about issues that triggered Daughter 's PTSD yesterday . She became psychotic with flashbacks . One was describing a serious auto accident that injured multiple family members . Another was dealing with her daughter who wanted to be rescued from an abusive relationship . That same one was dealing with her mother 's hospitalization . They truly don 't understand the impact they have on people like Daughter when they share details from their personal lives . Program Coordinator is going to explain again why this is inappropriate . I know this post jumps around and doesn 't make much sense - - kind of reflective of they way life is here in Capital right now . . . . With no meetings tonight , we were home . It was a beautiful evening , so Daughter and I worked out in the yard . I planted some flowers and did some weeding . Daughter worked with me , after first having a hissy fit because I told her no TV . She watched more TV than she was supposed to yesterday , and then didn 't want to get up this morning . If watching TV makes it too hard for you to get up in the morning , you don 't watch TV in this house . I had a conversation with my next door neighbor . She may have a teenager who would be willing to mow my lawn while I 'm out of town in July . She has several young boys , and I assured her I didn 't mind if their play extended into my yard . Daughter wants to kick them out of the yard when she sees them , but it doesn 't bother me . Ministry is supposed to be slower right now , but my daytime calendar is filling up . It 's all good stuff , but it certainly is keeping me busy . Good thing I love what I 'm doing ! Daughter 's having a bad day downstairs . Several of the staff members are dealing ( quite vocally ) with situations that serve as triggers for Daughter . She tried to convince me she was hearing voices and I needed to get her medication . I expressed my confidence in her ability to cope and gave her some suggestions . According to Program Coordinator , she shut down . PC came upstairs to deliver something to me , and I confirmed that the conversations would serve as triggers for Daughter . We are also approaching the 2 year anniversary of Mom 's death . I hadn 't thought of that until PC asked . Daughter wet the bed again last night . She has an appointment with Therapist today , so hopefully she will be able to help her get back on track . On the ministry front , Administrative Assistant is gone this week . It is turning into a very busy week . We 're beginning to work on fall plans , and while I 'm excited by the plans we 're making , I already feel like I 'm behind . The good news is that the evening commitments are lessening . In fact , last night was my only evening commitment this week . I 'm looking forward to evenings at home , and hope I 'll be able to get out and do some work in the yard . Daughter wet the bed again last night . She announced this morning that she knows why she 's wetting the bed . It 's because Boy Friend gave her a friendship ring . She 's returning it today and breaking up with him . I think her PTSD was triggered Friday by the anger expressed by Boy Friend and ex - boy friend . We had another long talk about not needing a boy friend right now . She came out wearing revealing tops , and I explained why that isn 't a good idea . She put a blouse over the tank top and spaghetti strap top she 'd layered . I don 't know that she 'll keep it on , though . It could be an interesting day . . . . Baby Nephew was baptized this morning . I couldn 't be there , as it was graduate recognition here , but we made the drive over to their home this afternoon . It was a pleasant afternoon cuddling a very sweet and laid back baby and visiting with Brother and his family . Sister and Short Niece were there for a while , too . Daughter has decided to break up with Boy Friend . She was waiting for me to tell her she had to break up , but I just kept saying I trusted her to make the right decision . She was telling everyone she knew that she had a Boy Friend and he 's 48 . They were all expressing dismay and encouraging her to break up . She 's wet the bed the last two nights , so I told her she needed to tell me what had gone on Friday . Apparently , the old boy friend was jealous and yelled at her . Her PTSD was triggered , she didn 't feel safe , and the bed wetting was back . I bought a sack for her mattress today . She continues to dream of a big wedding , marriage , and children . I reminded her that she has to be able to walk before she can run , and if she wants to achieve her dream she can work on being responsible . I suggested that was more important than having a boy friend right now . Will she take that to heart ? I doubt it . I consistently tell her the same thing . Maybe some day she 'll take it to heart . I keep hoping . Poor Daughter . Both Birth Brother and Boy Friend are making emotional demands on her right now . She wet the bed last night - - first time in a week . She says it was because of the extra food she was into . I think it was a combination of things . BB wants her to dump BF . He says he 's too old for Daughter . I told Daughter I trusted her judgment , and fully anticipated that after the dance BF would be history . She didn 't dispute this assessment . What BB doesn 't realize is that he 's pushing her toward BF by encouraging her to break up with him . Today we met Sister Best Friend and her mom for breakfast and an art fair . I spent too much money , but it was a fun day . Daughter was quite frustrated because I wouldn 't give / loan her any money . Thursday when I gave her the money she 'd earned , I reminded her that we would be going to an art fair today . She decided she didn 't want money or the art fair , and spent it all on Thursday . Daughter is now sleeping , and I need to get busy and get my sermon written for tomorrow . I may go sit on the porch to do it , as it 's a beautiful day outside . I went to the grocery store this morning , and then came home and made about 50 breakfast burritos for the freezer . I got a call from one of the saints , who was going to come clean out my clogged gutters , so I decided I needed to head outside and get the part of the lawn that was in danger of getting wet if he used water to clear the clogs . By the time I finished the lawn and came back inside , I was negligent and forgot to put all the groceries away . Daughter came home and tried to pick a fight with me . That didn 't work , so she took a long nap . She woke up when Sister called , and immediately decided she was being neglected and that justified getting into the groceries . I had bought a package of 100 calories packs of a sweet and salty snack mix to put on top of salads . She at 5 of the 6 packs . She confessed when I looked for them to put on top of the salad I was making for supper . As much as she 's improved , she still has an issue with food . I need to be more vigilant about keeping the food locked up . Today was a productive day , though the house is still a mess . I just finished cutting up a bunch of honey roasted deli ham and turkey , and putting it in half cup containers for the freezer . I use them on salads for lunch and supper . I think we 're going to eat a lot of salad this summer . I also cooked quite a bit of marinated chicken on the grill last week . It 's already in the freezer . I like to have a variety of toppings available to put on salads . I 'm going to buy some more half cup freezer containers when we head to the store to pick up Daughter 's prescriptions . She 'll be going to camp in a couple of weeks , and they need all the prescriptions in their original containers . As a result , I 'm not going to be able to fill the pill boxes for the entire month . I 'm going to have to sit down and so some calculating to see how much I can fill . . . . Yesterday morning I received a warning from staff about New Boyfriend . I was strongly urged not to allow him to take pictures of Daughter or Daughter to give him any pictures . It seems he likes to use those pictures when he is engaged in self - stimulation . Of course , Daughter had already given him 2 of her senior pictures . While I was getting my hair cut at the mall yesterday evening , NB came to see Daughter , transported by a staff member from his home . The staff member helpfully took a picture of Daughter and NB together , and then asked if it was okay if NB printed it out . I said I 'd prefer he didn 't . NB then began calling me asking when he could have a picture of the two of them together . Sigh . I 'm going to have to set some limits on his phone calls . He 's calling multiple times a day . When he couldn 't reach us at home yesterday evening he tracked us down at the church and called twice . He also gave Daughter a ring yesterday evening . It 's a " real ring from a jewelry store . " I 'm trying to stay out of it , and I 'm really hoping that the relationship will end after the dance on the 3rd . In Tiny Village staff was not so willing to transport residents to meet Daughter . Of course , there wasn 't a mall within 2 miles , either . In other news , Case Manager is exploring a possible placement for Daughter 20 miles from here . My initial reaction was no way . I don 't want Daughter pulled out of her program and the church at the same time she 's moving . I feel like that would be too much change for her at once . It would also be harder for me to see her through the week . I fear that moving her that far away would result in her feeling completely abandoned . I prefer to minimize the disruption . She 's just stopped wetting the bed , which I see as a response to all the change and uncertainty brought on by our move . Of course , the other reality is I will really miss her when she moves . Case Manager pointed out that there is on demand public transportation available she could use to get to choir practice and such . I agreed she could continuPosted by Daughter earned some money working in the church office yesterday . I asked her if she wanted it , or if she wanted me to hold onto it for her . This morning she told me she wanted it . She was considering how she was going to spend it . I reminded her of several things she had said she wanted to save her money to buy . She asked me what the boundaries were on the money . I told her there were no boundaries , she could do whatever she wanted to do with it . She continued to run through various possibilities and ask me questions about various options . Finally , she said , " Freedom is hard . " I fully anticipate that all the money will be spent by the end of the day . That 's fine . I won 't be buying her things , though . I hope that eventually she will learn a bit more about managing her money . I hope . I won 't think about all the times we 've tried this before . I 'll just hope that this time will be different . Daughter 's program was closed today for a staff in - service , so she had to hang in the church office today . Administrative Assistant gave her a big stack of bulletins . Whenever a member is listed in the bulletin as a worship assistant or in prayer care or something a copy of the bulletin is put in their member file . Daughter went through the bulletins and sorted them out , highlighting one name in each , and making sure there was a highlighted bulletin for each name . Then , she put them all in the member files . It took her most of the day , and she finished them all . Administrative Assistant was amazed , as I was . AA commented on how she worked steadily , had decent speed , and stuck with it until she was done with all of them . It was a huge improvement over her previous attempts to help in the office . She continues to be dry at night , and is more responsible and happier . She also earned some money for her work today . I promised I 'd pay her . Daughter has a new boyfriend . He 's 48 years old . He wants to buy us dinner and give Daughter a friendship ring . The two of them are going to the " prom " together . He 's bought her ticket and ordered a corsage . He calls multiple times a day . As is typical , Daughter wants us a boyfriend , but is uncomfortable with his desire to talk to her regularly . She wants the status symbol without the emotional demands . Fortunately , he 's only at her program 1 day a week , which minimizes their time together . I hope they can stay together until after the prom on June 3rd . Beyond that , I anticipate they will be breaking up . She was rather dismayed when she found out how old he is . She doesn 't like the emotional demands . She does want a boyfriend for the big dance . I 'm taking them to the dance . I 'm not looking forward to the evening at all . I will go , though , to manage Daughter 's insulin . I think the boyfriend dramas are among the most frustrating for me . She sees me happily single . I wish that she would view me as her role model in this area . It certainly would reduce the drama . Years ago I read the book Generation to Generation by Edwin Friedman . The book applies family systems theories to churches , synagogues and other organizations . He talks about the importance of the pastor being a " Non - anxious Presence . " I have taken his teachings to heart , and have sought to apply them both in my ministry and as a parent . It has enabled me to be an effective pastor in 2 conflicted churches . Today a colleague posted a link to this video on facebook . I will be using it with my board at some point in the future . I thought some of you raising difficult children might appreciate it , too . It 's hard to keep from getting sucked into their drama , but it 's crucial for our mental health and theirs that we remain calm . Daughter works very hard at getting a reaction out of me . Today she sent me a text that she wasn 't safe and needed help now . I replied that she had a voice and knew how to keep herself safe . I assured her that I had confidence in her . Then she called me , sobbing so hysterically she couldn 't even talk . I tried to get her to calm down and tell me what was wrong , and finally informed her that I knew she could keep herself safe , and I looked forward to seeing her at the end of the day . By the time she came upstairs , the crises were forgotten . We 're changing lots of things at the church right now . I 'm writing my newsletter column each month lifting up the reasons for the change and acknowledging the discomfort . I 'm providing reasons and reassurance . So far , it seems to be working . There have been complaints about minor issues , but if that 's all they can find to complain about , we 're doing well . I hope others find the ideas in it helpful . I had someone having surgery this morning . He wanted me there , so I went to see him before surgery . Another member had picked him up and taken him to the facility - - he had to be there at 6 : 30 for 8 : 00 surgery . I got there about 7 : 00 , Daughter in tow . I intended to have a prayer with him in pre - op and then head to the office . I was fairly confident that I could make it into the office by 9 : 00 . When I arrived at 7 : 00 , he was still in the waiting area . He was delighted to see me . They didn 't call him back until 7 : 40 , and then they took him straight to the OR . It was almost 11 : 00 before I got to the church . Daughter was patient while we were there , but was not happy with the disruption to her routine . I was not happy about losing the morning in the office . However , it was time very well spent . The man who had surgery was thrilled when I came back to post - op to see him and have a prayer with him . I gained insight into his challenges and into the family of the woman who drove him from the time I spent listening to her while he was in surgery . It wasn 't the ministry I planned to do this morning , but it was important ministry and I 'm glad I could be there with them . Daughter was dry again this morning , and ready on time to go out the door . She had wet the bed almost every night for r months . I caught flack from others who insisted she must have a medical problem , but I was sure there was an emotional cause , and that she 'd stop when she was ready . There were times when I doubted myself , but for the most part I remained strong in that belief . On the way to the church , she was talking about how happy she is about how well she 's been doing . She talked about the money we 're saving on laundry costs since she stopped wetting the bed . I asked her if she knew what made the difference . She talked about a number of things , but some of her more significant comments included : " I always knew I could do it , but I kept telling myself I couldn 't . " " People had faith . " " I decided if other people weren 't giving up on me , I shouldn 't give up on myself . " How many of our kids give up on themselves ? How many times do parents / the system / whatever give up on kids ? Food for thought on a Monday morning . Daughter and I picked up one of the saints and took worship to the retirement home this afternoon . After we dropped the saint off , we headed to the movie . It was my turn to pick , and I picked the movie about the surfer who lost her arm to a shark and returned to surfing . Daughter protested a bit about my selection , but once we got there , she loved it . When we came home I was working in the kitchen , and wanted her help , " Please come give me a hand . " " Sure , did a shark get one ? " Yesterday I told Daughter I 'd take her to a movie today . She wanted to go yesterday , but I needed to do laundry and write a sermon . She was disappointed , but agreed that it would be good to go to the early afternoon showing of the movie . She was dry last night , so the day started well . She was cooperative , and moved some heavy things around for me when we got to the church . After worship one of the saints reminded me that the nursing home service is this afternoon . I 'd totally forgotten . That meant the early afternoon movie wouldn 't work . I dreaded telling Daughter . I asked the saint to tell Daughter she 'd see her this afternoon , explaining that she wouldn 't yell at her . When Daughter came to ask me about having a treat at coffee hour , I mentioned we wouldn 't be able to go to the movie as plan . She said , " I know . She told me we have to go to the nursing home . " Then she grinned , " Could we duck out of it ? " I answered as she 'd known I would , telling her we needed to go to the nursing home for the worship service . She was fine . No complaints . I really am enjoying her new attitude . I hope it will continue , but I will enjoy it however long it lasts . I think we 'll be able to go to the movie this evening . It will be a good way to end the weekend . Daughter was so excited when she saw her new mattress . She squealed with delight . I got a hug and she did a happy dance . I reminded her that it could go away again , and I could always bring back an air mattress . Last night she was excited when she went to bed . She was also concerned . I reminded her to go to the bathroom . " Shh ! Don 't jinx it ! " I went to bed with a sense of foreboding , and lay there praying for a while before I could sleep . I resisted the temptation to go check on her , or wake her up to go the bathroom several times through the night . I didn 't want this to become another power struggle , where she would have to prove I couldn 't control her by wetting the bed . She wet the bed . She 's quite distressed and very apologetic . She told me to get rid of the mattress . " I knew I didn 't deserve anything expensive . " I pondered my response for a while . Finally , I went into her room and demanded that she look into my eyes . " Listen to me . You deserve to sleep on a good mattress , not an air mattress that is always losing its air and going flat . It 's okay . We will make sure the mattress is protected today . It 's going to be okay . " I bought an expensive mattress protector at the mattress store that is supposedly water proof . I was concerned last night because it only has waterproofing for the top of the mattress . I think today I will figure out a way to wrap protection around the side . It 's called grace . I hope that it will help her get back on track . Six months after they moved into the church for a " couple of weeks , " Daughter 's program is getting closer to moving into their new building . They have had one delay after another , but they finally have a good air quality report , so this time it looks like it will happen , hopefully in the next 2 weeks . Daughter was not pleased to hear this . She has liked the fact that her program is right below my office . We went out for Chinese food tonight , and then we drove over to the new building , which is in the next town . We started in the church parking lot , and measured mileage and time . I reminded Daughter of how far away she was from me in Tiny Village . She 's going to be much closer than she was in Tiny Village in their new building . She was pleased , and very relieved . I also reminded her that I may be right upstairs , but I don 't let her come up early or come see me . It 's a big change , but I think she 'll manage it well . She 's very excited about her new mattress . She also has a new boyfriend , and they are going to the " prom " that is at the beginning of June . It 's a dinner dance , and we 're still negotiating whether I will go and manage her insulin . She wants to prove to me she can handle it on her own . I 'm still pondering my options . I wish my anxiety about her on her own at this dance could be as easily resolved as her anxiety over the distance to the new building . . . . Well , I can finally get onto my blog , but several posts seem to have vanished . Hopefully they will reappear at some point . . . . This morning I bought Daughter a new mattress . She has made it 4 nights , and 5 of the last 6 . I did buy a water proof mattress protector to put over it , but she is quite proud of herself and I hope that she has put the bed wetting behind her . Some of her comments in the last 24 hours : " I 'm trying to be responsible , but it 's hard . " " Mom , I was responsible with the refrigerator ! I didn 't sneak behind your back . I just got out the things I was supposed to ! " " I got tired of listening to your lectures . " " I don 't think I 've ever been this happy . " " Before I move to the group home . . . . " How long will this last ? Who knows . I 'm going to enjoy it while it does . She thanked the choir for their prayers last night and told them she was doing much better now . One more week of choir , and then they 're done for the summer . I 'm looking forward to that . Yesterday we got home about 3 : 45 . I mowed the lawn , grilled some sausage for supper , took a shower , and was back at the church by 6 : 15 . Of course , I 'm going to schedule some more meet the pastor gatherings , so I 'll still have some busy evenings . It should still be a slower pace , though , so that 's okay . Daughter was dry again last night - - 3 in a row , 4 out of 5 . I told her I was considering a vacation . She indicated she didn 't want to go camping . I told her that was the only way we could afford our favorite vacation spot . She decided she could handle 5 days . She actually got up through the night last night to go to the bathroom . She 's very happy and proud of herself . I 'm going to have to work to maintain my resolve that it 's time for her to move . . . . When she 's being cooperative , I enjoy having her around . I think next week I 'll look at making campground reservations . Sometimes I 'm dense . There are times when God really has to work hard to get my attention . Sometimes God has to pull out a 2 x 4 and whack me up side of the head . This week , the preaching resource I use lists the wrong Scripture passages for this Sunday 's lectionary . Instead of sheep and Jesus as shepherd , it talks about Jesus as the vine and talks about God pruning us to make us bear more fruit . Several months ago I decided to preach on this passage and call it " Fearless Pruning . " I was thinking of the rich young ruler , who wouldn 't let Jesus prune away his possessions , and walked away sad . I was thinking of individuals who remain in abusive relationships . I was thinking of how hard it can be to allow God to prune us . Of course , that 's not a problem in my life , or so I thought . This morning the leader of our retreat challenged us to go deeper . We had an hour to reflect and pray . I was pondering what it is that holds me back . I was writing out my thoughts . I wrote , " What holds , " and my phone rang . It was Daughter . She was sobbing hysterically . It took a few minutes to get her to calm down enough to speak . I was on the phone with her for over 5 minutes , reassuring her that she would be fine and I 'd see her this afternoon . I finished the call and came back to my papers . " What holds me back ? " I finished the question , and wrote Daughter 's name next to it . I picked up a labyrinth with a stylus and began to run the stylus along the path . Every time my thoughts turned to Daughter , the stylus would jump out of the track . Pruning , holding back , jumping track . I began to get the message . I 've asked my colleagues ( and now I ask my readers ) to pray that I would have the courage to follow through on getting Daughter a placement . Pray that Daughter will accept and adjust to the change . Pray that an appropriate placement will become available soon . My colleagues are going to ask me if I 'm following through when they see me . Whoever is in town will gather for lunch once a week at a restaurant here in Capital . It was a wonderful rPosted by This evening I will be going on an overnight retreat at a conference center just north of here . I 'm looking forward to the time away . I have decided not to take my computer . I really do want to get away from it all . If the withdrawal gets too bad , I 'll have my cell phone , which gets email and goes online . Administrative Assistant says that cheating . I think it 's being prepared . . . . . Daughter has been very chipper all day today . She has called multiple times , and came up to give us a fashion show after she found a dress for the upcoming dance at a thrift store . She 's very excited . I wish I knew what had caused the shift in her , but she certainly is more pleasant than she was a month or so ago . I will enjoy it how ever long it lasts . Hopefully it means I won 't be punished too much for leaving her at respite . Tonight is the night Daughter goes off to respite and I go on an overnight retreat . She 's handling the anxiety remarkably well . She tells me every so often she 's very scared . She decided to take a stuffed animal that I gave her with her . She packed on her own , so I hope she packed what she needed . I decided not to check on her , as she was very proud of being responsible . This morning I put two ( sloppy ) french braids in her hair . I did it after we got to the church . I figured it was an acceptable way for her to get some mommy time before she goes to respite tonight . She was quite proud of the fact that she was dry this morning . I expressed my pleasure then asked , " How did you do it ? " " It was easy . I went to the bathroom before I went to bed last night . " " Don 't you do that every night ? " She looked at me like I was an idiot . " No . " Sigh . Her third air mattress in the past six months is no longer holding air . I 'm considering buying her an inexpensive mattress that has plastic covering on it . She 's been dry twice this week . If it becomes a pattern , I 'll go buy it . There 's a mattress place right down the street . . . . Daughter struggled with Mother 's Day yesterday , as many adopted kids do . She wanted to do something special for me , and it was hard for her . She wanted to make supper , and was easily overwhelmed . I had to talk her through it and provide some help when she became too overwhelmed . She made fettuccine alfredo with an easy recipe she found in a cream cheese cookbook . She wanted to add chicken to it , but it quickly became obvious that would be too much for her , and was grateful when I suggested it wasn 't necessary . I 'm grateful for her attempts to make it a nice day , and glad I was patient enough on a Sunday evening to remain calm and supportive as she struggled . I wasn 't grateful for the low she had later in the evening . She 's had two relatively severe lows in the last week . If she wasn 't so closely supervised , I 'd think she was taking extra insulin again . Tomorrow night is the night she goes to respite . It will be interesting to see how she does . I have to confess , I 'm a little less comfortable leaving her for the night when she 's having this type of blood sugar issues . Fortunately , we both have cell phones , so she can reach me if necessary . We had a wonderful piano concert at the church last night , a benefit for Japan by a doctoral student in piano performance from Japan . I accidentally found the secret to avoiding the concert script . Daughter sat in the middle of a row with some church friends . I needed to get up and speak at intermission , so I sat an the center aisle in in the second row . Daughter enjoyed the concert , and so did I . The pianist was amazing . Since she didn 't sit next to me . She didn 't ask to leave early , or try to convince me she didn 't feel good or was too tired to stay . It was a very pleasant evening . Today she 's taking me to a root beer stand for lunch for Mother 's Day . No drama so far , so I 'm grateful . I 'm missing my mom this morning . I 'm wearing a pink dress ( she loved her daughters in pink ) and one of her crosses in her honor . Happy Mother 's Day to all moms , especially those who have taken on difficult children . You are making a difference . The last two Saturdays I 've had to be some place by 9 : 00 for church . Fortunately , I don 't have many Saturdays when I have church commitments , so this has been unusual . Daughter likes to sleep in on Saturdays . She likes to sleep until 10 : 00 or so . So last Saturday and again today , I told her I 'd fix her breakfast if she was up and ready to leave by 8 : 00 . It worked ! Today was clean - up day at the church . We were cleaning up the landscaping and the exterior windows were washed ( by a man who is over 6 ' , enabling him to reach the second floor windows from the ground with his long pole . We removed some river rock and replaced it with mulch . We started a compost pile for the community garden we hope to have next summer . The men had fun with a chain saw and small tractor . Daughter worked hard picking up leaves . She was mad at me when we got there . She saw the doughnuts , and I wouldn 't let her stay in the building when I went outside ( I 'm so mean ) . She hooked up with one of the men , who worked with her transporting leaves . I warned several people that Daughter had noticed the food inside , so they knew she wasn 't allowed into the building without an escort . At 11 : 00 she was picked up by the saint who takes her walking every Saturday morning . She was glad to get away from the hard work at the church . There were some who were steering clear of me . I had warned them that whoever injured the pastor had to preach tomorrow . They had a great deal of fun with that . There weren 't any serious injuries , though several toes got run over by incompetent tractor drivers . Fortunately , it was a very light trailer the tractor was pulling . It is a beautiful day here today , and we watched birds , rabbits , and squirrels in our backyard as we ate our salads for lunch . I love my backyard . I added a hummingbird feeder this afternoon . We are getting some very colorful finches at our bird feeders . We 're up to 5 feeders plus suet . I had to fill all of them his afternoon . It is so pleasant to sit in the family room or at the dining room table and watchReverend Mom Today , after I dropped Daughter off at her program , I went to yet another park . It has over 4 miles of trails , and I walked about 3 miles of them . I saw a few people out walking , but not very many . Part of the trail was stone , part asphalt , and a portion , very muddy . There was a floating bridge . I saw a turtle sunning on a branch . I heard birds all around . The leaves are budding , but not completely out . The sky was a wonderful deep blue . I wore a sweatshirt , but took it off after a couple of miles . Posted by Daughter was slow getting up this morning . Because of lack of time , she only got milk for breakfast . We were still late getting out of the door . I like to be at the church by 7 : 00 . Daughter knows this . When we got in the car , the clock on the dashboard said 7 : 05 . I asked , " What time do I like to be at the church ? " in a very conversational tone . Her response was not in a conversational tone : " STOP IT ! ! ! " I pointed out to her that I should be the one yelling , not her . She informed me that I was the boss and I didn 't have to be at the church at a particular time . I explained that I had a certain amount of work I needed to do , and a time I needed to be at the church to get it done . She informed me we should be able to go separately . I told her I thought it would be wonderful if I could trust her enough to do things independently , and I looked forward to the day that would be possible . That ended any conversation between us . I think she gets very frustrated when I refuse to be awful and unreasonable with her . She 'd love to have reasons to hate me . When we were in Tiny Village , Therapist would occasionally get frustrated with me . Daughter would have had a rage , and she 'd wonder what had set her off . I usually couldn 't remember . A survival skill I 've learned when dealing with Daughter is to move on quickly and not dwell on the past . So tonight I started reading Here and Now by Henri Nouwen . He 's one of my favorite devotional writers , and I was somewhat surprised to discover I didn 't already own this book . " We are constantly distracted by things that have happened in the past or that might happen in the future . " Today has been a pretty good day with Daughter . I have been stressing , though , about the future and finding ( and funding ) an appropriate residential placement for her . I need to let go of that distraction and focus on the present . The present reality is that Daughter was helpful with household chores this evening . Just like with the call to Capital , the we will find the right place at the right time for Daughter . Worrying about when and where is nothing more than a distraction that takes energy away from what 's important : the present . Last week when I mowed the lawn , Daughter refused to lift a finger to help . This week , she did all the trimming and sweeping . Some of her work was sloppy , but she did it . I 'm delighted . She was so pleased with herself . She even offered to take over the mowing , but I didn 't think that was a good idea . It was another busy day at the church . Fortunately , there weren 't as many interruptions as we had yesterday . Administrative Assistant and I figured out all the music through the end of June . It took all morning , but it 's done . My mother 's brother died yesterday morning . He had been in failing health for years , but it still came as a shock . He was fine in the afternoon , and by the evening he was in trouble . Both of my parents were one of three children , and in each family there is only one sister left . As we work toward a residential placement for Daughter , the initial news is not good . As of now , they don 't think she needs more than 2 hours of assistance a day . That 's not enough to cover her medical needs . She had a low today during program that they had to treat several times . She was dropping again by supper time , so I didn 't give her any insulin with it . I 'm not sure what caused the low today . I may need to reduce her long acting insulin again . . . . I 'm off to start a book that will be discussed on my overnight retreat next Tuesday . Daughter 's not happy about going to respite . I 'm very happy about getting a break . . . . I was at a gathering of colleagues today . We were talking about our kids and the challenges of parenting . As we talked about how car time is one of the best times for conversations , I realized that that is something we lost with the move to Capital . In Tiny Village , everything was at least 20 minutes away . Here , we 're rarely in the car for more than 5 minutes . Of course , this evening I was intentional about spending time with Daughter , trying to engage her in conversation in the car and playing cards with her this evening . She didn 't want to talk , and she wasn 't thrilled about the cards . I had just heard how much she hates how busy I am , and how I never had time for her . I pointed out that when I made time for her , she rejected it , so she 'd best not complain about me being too busy . . . . We had a committee meeting tonight at the church . I was talking about plans for fall , and all the options and the things I was trying to sort out . One of the women asked , " Does your brain ever stop ? " Administrative Assistant was there and immediately and firmly said , " No ! " AA has compared my brain to the sun 's solar flares - - I have brain flares - - ideas popping out all over the place . There are times when it drives her crazy . Last week I was pondering an idea for banners for our celebration of Pentecost on June 12 . I talked to AA about red , yellow and orange streamers that could hang loose and we could have a fan blowing on them to tie in the wind and the fire of the Spirit coming at Pentecost . AA built on my idea , and today she showed up with spools of red , yellow and orange ribbon she had found at the dollar store . She took a brain flare and is gathering the material to make it work . I love being in ministry with these people - - and the energy is resulting in lots of brain flares . Some of them even lead to good ideas ! I was about to go to bed last night when I saw that the president was going to be speaking shortly . So much for sleep . As I listened to the commentaries and watched the celebrations , my thoughts went in many different directions . As I reflect on those thoughts , I realize they come from two very different , occasionally conflicting roles : Citizen and Christian . As a Citizen , I 'm glad that bin Laden is no longer able to encourage terrorism . This feels like justice long delayed for a nation still dealing with the aftermath of 9 - 11 . I 'm in awe of the military personnel who went deep into a foreign country to carry out this operation , keeping casualties to a minimum - - even after the failure of one of their helicopters . I 'm grateful for their courage and skills . In the midst of those good thoughts , I also have fears as a citizen : What will the backlash be from bin Laden 's supporters ? Will this aid their recruitment efforts ? Will this weaken al - Qaida , or be a rallying point that will strengthen it ? What effects will this have on the political scene ? Will it weaken the contention that the President is weak on terrorism ? Will it cause politicians to set aside the rhetoric and petty issues to come work together for the good of our country ? These are just a few of the thoughts churning through my mind as I ponder the implications of this operation for our country and the world . Then there are my thoughts as a Christian . Where do I begin ? I 'm remembering what happened in the Garden of Gethsemane on the night of Jesus ' arrest . From the 26th chapter of Matthew : 51 Suddenly , one of those with Jesus put his hand on his sword , drew it , and struck the slave of the high priest , cutting off his ear . 52 Then Jesus said to him , " Put your sword back into its place ; for all who take the sword will perish by the sword . " How do we , as Christians , justify killing someone ? What message does this give to those who aren 't Christians ? What happened to turn the other cheek ? What happened to forgive , and judge not ? As a Christian , I cannot celebraReverend Mom This afternoon Daughter and I went to the park where the saint takes Daughter to walk on Saturday mornings . It is one mile from my home . We walked through woods along a river . I saw wildflowers . I heard birds . I saw lots of people playing Frisbee golf . . . . It was hard to believe we were just a mile from home . I could hear traffic , but that was okay . It was wonderful ! The trail was very nice , though part of it was underwater . I 'm sure we walked well over a mile today . There is another park in our community that is a little further away that is not developed - - no Frisbee golf or playground equipment . It has 4 . 5 miles of trails . We 'll have to explore that one , too . I told Daughter that I think a walk in the woods is going to become a Sunday afternoon tradition . She was delighted that she was able to show me the trail she 's been walking every Saturday . She pointed out favorite trees and rocks to me , and was quite disappointed that we didn 't run into any snakes . You can see the forsythia blooming , and the trees are beginning to bud . In another week or so they should have leaves . The temperature got up to 71 today - - it truly was a beautiful day . After the park we went to the grocery store , and then I cooked hamburgers on the grill . The first hamburgers of the season are always the best . We brought the grill , table , and chairs around and put them on the back patio . It was so pleasant . In Tiny Village , we couldn 't eat outside because of all the flies ( the result of the large hog and turkey operations near us ) . We enjoyed eating outside . I could hear the birds singing , and watch the finches that were coming to our feeder right around the corner of the house . I 'm going to get a hummingbird feeder to put out , too . I 'm loving the variety of birds we can see right in our own backyard . I 'm going to be able to get my nature fix on a regular basis even if we don 't get to go camping this year ! The Capital area clergy did a pulpit exchange this morning . It was fun . I did one of my first person , leave the pulpit use minimal notes sermons . The regular pastor at the church where I was normally is tied to a manuscript in the pulpit . I apologized t her when she showed up after finishing at the church she had drawn . It was fun . I told her that if we rotated churches through the cluster , we could go years without writing a new Sunday after Easter sermon . She thought that was a great idea . One of the couples from the church went to the church I was at . They 'd been married in that church 50 years ago . They had a great time connecting with old friends , and were amazed by the number of people they knew . We all went out to eat following the service . The restaurant where we ate was next door to a store having its grand opening today . We went over to the new store after lunch . This is the first of this chain in the Capital area , and it was packed . We bought several things , and the line wrapped around to the back of the store . Fortunately , it moved relatively quickly . Daughter mentioned the possibility of a hike this afternoon . I think that sounds like a good idea . I also think I 'll pull the grill out of the garage and fire it up for supper . It 's supposed to get up to almost 70 today . I 'm looking forward to the warmer weather . I hope everyone has a great Sunday . I 'm a pastor and a mother . I was ordained in October of 1985 , and began serving this suburban congregation in October of 2010 . In March of 1990 I was asked to take an almost 3 year old " for the weekend . " Five years into the weekend I adopted her . Daughter carries a number of diagnoses : Reactive Attachment Disorder , Post - Traumatic Stress Disorder , Central Auditory Processing Disorder , Bipolar , seizure disorder , and type 1 diabetes . She moved into a group home in November of 2011 . She attends a sheltered workshop and sings in the church choir . View my complete profile Daughter became my foster child in 1990 , shortly before she turned 3 , and I adopted her when she was 8 . Capital is a state capital in the midwest . In October of 2010 I became pastor of a church on the edge of town . Administrative Assistant is my keeper . She runs the office at the church , and at heart is an artist . She helps turn my crazy ideas into reality . Program is where Daughter spends most of her days . She does some piece work and participates in some classes and activities . She 'd like to get community employment , but still has some work to do to make that possible . Sister Best Friend and I met in seminary . We vacationed together for a number of years , and then she got married . We still do some cooperative worship planning . She seves a church less than an hour away . Far Away Sister is 4 . 5 years young than me . She lives across the country . She was an electrical engineer until she stayed home to raise Tall Niece and Nephew . Now that they are graduating , she is planning to become a high school math teacher . Sister is 10 years young than me . She is divorced and the mother of Short Niece . She lives in the same state as Capital . She is a teacher . Brother is 11 1 / 2 years younger than I am . He finally got married in February of 2009 . He lives near Sister . They are the parents of Baby Nephew . Not sure where to begin . This blog has been neglected since April . I have not felt the need to write here of vomit my drama onto these pages at all . My . . . |
Posted on 16 / 12 / 2014 by berlioz1935 8 The school bell rang . The school was over for the weekend . The children shouted with delight , throw their books and pencil cases into the brown school - cases where they joined the rest of the school lunches and assorted collectables , that were exchanged during recess . Jack dropped his case and the content spilled all over the floor . Other children did " Stupid Jack , " he heard Charlie Walters scream and stomping on Jack 's sandwich box , squashing it totally . Only Mary Henderson stopped for a second after she broke his HB pencil and said under her breath , " Sorry . Jack " and then she was out of the door too . " I 'm all right , Miss . I 'm out of here in a sec , " Jack said , shut his case and run towards the door nearly running into Miss Jones . She only shook her head . " I hope , " Jack thought , " nobody will see me with teacher alone in the classroom . They would think I want to be teacher 's pet . " But nobody saw him . Everyone was gone and the school yard was empty . Outside the gate Jack slowed down and as he looked across the road he saw Charlie pushing another boy from Year 4 around . Jack did not want to know and headed home , where Mum always had a glass of milk and a cookie waiting for him . He ran along the footpath and then across the road towards a large undeveloped parcel of land , which all the children called ' The Forest ' , because they could play there and pretend to be in the bush , Sherwood Forest , or in Africa as big game hunters . Once he had seen a Green Tree Snake . There were rabbits and even a Goanna had been sighted . And there were Lorikeets ‚ , Cockatoos and Kookaburras . In September the children had to watch out for diving Magpies . The undergrowth was cinder dry after a long , dry spell . Dry leaves and sticks were thick on the ground . Older people always warned of the danger of bush fires as the council had no money for controlled burning . Jack picked up a short stick and started to run again , still trying to find a purpose for the stick . He saw a Peewee prepare to land nearby . Before it had time to fold away its wings Jack throw the stick , like a Mexican knife , towards the unsuspecting bird . For the first time in his life he did not miss his target . " Yes , " Jack called out and raised his fist in triumph . The stick hit the bird on the wing . It tried to lift off again ; but couldn 't . It hopped away with the injured wing still partly outstretched . The instinct told the Peewee to hide under some bushes . Jacks eyes were now fixed on the unlucky bird . The white patches in its feathers could easily be spotted . " I must catch up with the Peewee and kill it , " he said to himself . Grandpa had told him , that a good hunter never lets a wounded animal get away . It will die a horrible death unless the hunter gives it the death blow . That is what he had to do , he thought . As he came closer , the bird hopped further but got tangled up with some branches . It slowed down bird jumped up . The stretched out wing was a real nuisance and got caught in the dry undergrowth . It was exhausted and turned its head towards Jack who had reached it within striking distance . Jack lashed out as hard as he could and caught the bird on its back , breaking it . Jack struck it again , this time near the head . Jack straightened himself up and took a deep breath . He was hot and when he wiped sweat off his forehead he noticed some blood on his hand . The hands and arms had scratches too . He looked at the dead bird , did not know what to do next . Ants were crawling already over the body . Slowly , Jack pushed some dead leaves with his feet over it . With his handkerchief he tried to stop the bleeding above his brow . In his rush he had not noticed how he got those scratches . Now they started to burn . The sun seemed especially hot now . He was very thirsty . Jack found his way back where he had left his school case . At first he walked but then he started to run . He wanted to get home and tell his Mum . He raced around the house to the back door and pulled open the screen door , shouting , " Mum , Mum , I did something terrible ! " My life had consisted more or less of family life . It was not , what some would classify a happy one . When my mother was especially exasperated with me and my antics , she threatened that she would send me to a home for maladjusted children . I wondered whether this was what she had done by sending me so far away - After my first night I was led , along the road , to the building that housed the Knabenheim Bethesda ( Boys Home Bethesda ) . It was still during the Christmas school break and the children were all at the home and greeted me on the scale of feigned disinterest to genuine curiosity . Half of the boys were Berliners , the others were Silesians . The genuine ones were the Berliners . They welcomed me and wanted to hear news form their home city . They all wanted to know where the bombs had fallen lately . It turned out we all had to go to a funeral on that very day . Only a few days before , one of the boys had passed away . That was the reason for the vacancy ; I realised ! When the staff showed me the bed I was to occupy , a howl went up among the boys and they all screamed I had to sleep in the very same bed in which the boy had died . His ghost will get me , that was for sure . At that stage I was not afraid of death , as I believed children would go straight to heaven and that could only be better than life here on Earth . It wasn 't far to the cemetery , only a few hundred meters and we all walked there . The dead boy 's parents had come for the funeral . What sticks to my mind is , that the mother screamed like a wounded person when the white coffin was lowered into the open earth . Her pain could not be overheard . I was wondering whether my mother would cry for me . I doubted it very much . Later , during the afternoon , back at the home two big Silesian boys , made their move . When I say , big , then I mean for an eight year old fourteen year old boys are practically grown - ups . Somehow they had become aware that I had fifty Pfennig coins that my mother had given me at the train station . I probably played with the coins in all innocence and wondered how , and what for , I could spend them on . They were two brothers , working just like a tag team , who pointed out to me , that it was no good showing my wealth for all to see . There are really some bad boys in the home who would not hesitate to steal that money from me . Therefore , they suggested , in all friendship , they could protect me from that fate , if I paid them each a coin . Who wants to be robbed or even beaten when one can have peace for a small price . Their logic was impeccable to my young mind and I gave them each a coin and even thanked them . This procedure was repeated during the next few days and soon most of my money was gone , without having had the opportunity to buy something " nice " , as my mother had framed it . When the coins became fewer I had the sinking feeling that money doesn 't make people happy at all , because I wasn 't happy . Before I gave up the last coin the boys had to give me a punch into my ribs to reinforce their arguments . I understood and after all the money was gone I had peace of mind . The two brothers never bothered me again . In the evening of the first day one of the carers came up to me and told me it was time to write a card to my mother and letting her know how I was . I was sitting in front of the card and did not know what to write . I was not happy and did not want to tell my mother how sad and miserable I felt . When the carer noticed my inactivity she came up and started to dictate what I had to write down . She said , " Write , ' Dear Mutti , I have arrived here and I 'm very well ! ' " . When I heard this tears welled up , because I never called my mother , Mutti . She would know straight away , the card was a fake . I always called her " Mama " . The first night I was a bit fearful of the dead boy . The weekend was ahead of us . It was the last weekend of the Christmas Holidays . On Monday school would start . The war ravaged Görlitzer Bahnhof . My train left from the platform on the far right along the wall . Even from this photo one can get an idea of the beautiful architecture . I did not see her and it saddened me . We had gone too far . People on the platform and steam from our train blocked my view . Almost without sound the train glided out of the huge station hall . From time to time there was a little jolt when the carriage went with a " clickety , clack " over a set of points . The tall yard lights were standing between the train tracks and shone onto the rails . I was wondering whether the light would stay on during an air raid . We could hear the whistle of the locomotive as the train slowly picked up speed . We crossed a canal , passed under a bridge of the Ringbahn ( Circular City Rail ) and got further away from the city . I pressed my nose against the cold window to see as much as possible in the dark . Soon we were travelling beside a suburban electric train ( S - Bahn ) which our country train , becoming faster and faster , slowly overtook and left behind because the train had to stop at a local station . I could see sleepy passengers in the suburban train . I felt sad , as I thought , it might be the last time I would see all this . I had no idea what the future was holding for me . Despite this , I felt peckish from all this new and unique travel experience and unwrapped a " Stulle " ( a sandwich ) which my mother had given me to eat on the trrain . There was Teewurst on the sandwich , which was my favourite . I had no idea how long the train trip would take and when I would get something to eat again . Eight - year olds are not known for will power ; especially when it comes to tasty food . Still , I did not eat all and saved a bit for later . The train was heading in a south - easterly direction . The first light of the rising Sun was visible on the horizon . Shortly before Königswusterhausen I saw the last S - Bahn . From now on Berlin lay behind us and we where travelling through the Mark Brandenburg . Whilst the night gave way to daylight the train stopped at Cottbus and Spremberg . Nowhere did the train stop for long . Doors were shut loudly and the station staff called out loud , sharp commands and soon enough the train was on the way again to the next stop . For a more seasoned traveller the journey could have been boring , but not for me . There was so much to be seen . The telegraph wires flew beside the train down from one post and swung up to the next one . Frau Fischer did not talk much to me . She was reading in a book , looking up from time to time . She must have been happy to be away from Berlin for two days , escaping the air raids . Any other time she would have been sitting in her office , waiting for the sound of the early warning system . " Are you looking forward to your new home and the many friends you will make ? " she asked at one stage . I only shook my head , indicating , " No " . I did not feel like getting to know other children . And who knows what kind of food they would be dishing out there . It depressed me very much , thinking I could not see my Mum any more . I thought back to a school vacation , when I stayed with the wife of a war comrade of my father . She lived in Adlershof , a suburb of Berlin . I stayed with her for a whole week and I enjoyed it tremendously as she spoilt me with beautiful food . Every day I got stewed fruit as desert . She lived in her own house with a large garden containing many fruit trees . That was heaven for a boy used to live in a courtyard building . In the train it was comfortable warm and I avoided , for a long time , going to the toilet , because it was outside . But the moment arrived when this could not be avoided any longer . And after the Frau Fischer showed me the way I went reluctantly . What shock I received when I lifted the cover of the toilet seat and saw straight to the track and the railway sleepers . The sleepers were passing underneath so fast that I was afraid . There was a draft and I felt I could be sucked into the toilet bowl and straight onto the track . And while peeing , the toilet bowl seemed to shift position . " Everything all right ? " asked my companion when I returned . I could only nick my head . She must have thought I 'm too lazy to speak . The next larger station was Görlitz ; the town after which the station in Berlin was named . The train stopped there longer than at other places . I watched the going - ons on the platform . I could could not get enough of it . People were hurrying to their carriages or to the exit . I saw people hugging and greeting each other . Some were seeing others off . I could see a few soldiers . One was on crutches and was assisted by a Red Cross nurse . The train continued its journey . Despite the cold outside it was pretty warm in our compartment . Suddenly we could hear the train whistle and the train hurtled into a tunnel and filling it with its steam and smoke . Suddenly we came out of the tunnel and bright light filled our compartment . I looked for the reason for this enormous brightness . It was snow ! There was snow everywhere . It was a new experience for me . Before the tunnel there was no snow and then after the tunnel this glistening light caused by the snow . I was happy now . What I had yearned for all winter , was suddenly here . Every morning , full of expectations , I had jumped out of bed , rushed to the window to see whether snow had fallen during the night . I decided to like Silesia after all , because it seems to have lots of snow in winter . Immediately after the tunnel the train slowed down and came to a halt . The large signs told me we were in " Hirschberg " . Today this beautiful town is in Poland and it is called , Jelenia Góra . The modern Jelenia Góra We had arrived at " the mountains of the giants " ( Riesengebirge ) . I was immediately thinking of Rübezahl , the giant of folklore and numerous tales . But I could see no giant . There was a large coke works beside the station . Not that I knew at the time what it was , but I could see the long battery of the coke oven with its many compartments in which something hot was glowing . A machine drove up and down and stopped at one compartment and hot coke fell into a wagon . Everywhere was steam and clouds of smoke . I was fascinated , as I had never seen anything like it . I had no idea what it was , what I saw . It looked pretty hellish to me . There was not much time to wonder . After only a couple of minutes our train moved on again , soon speeding through the snow covered landscape . I started to munch on my last sandwich . At times the locomotive had to work harder when we went up some mountains . Then the pistons had to work a bit harder . It was winter and naturally the days were not very long . Dusk was setting in . Soon it was stark dark outside . When I tried to look outside I saw nothing but the mirror image of our compartment . I even could see Frau Fischer as she read her book . She must have noted me starring at her in the window . She got up and shut the curtains over the window . She said to me in a soft voice , " We 'll get off soon and still have to walk for about an hour before we are there . " I think she did not want to scare me , but I was alarmed . Never in my life had I been walking for a whole hour . The longest walk I could remember was the way from a suburban railway station to the beach at Wannsee . I hated that walk because it made me thirsty and my mother never stopped at the beer garden , which was right at half way , for a drink of lemonade . We were lucky that there was a water bubbler at the station . On our way back in late afternoon we rushed to it . Of course , my oldest sister always drank first . If I was able to reach the bubbler first or I came too close to her , she would give me a well directed kick , with her elbow , into my ribs . Frau Fischer put her coat on and helped me into mine . The train stopped . She took our luggage from the rack and we walked to the door . It seemed to me we were standing in the middle of nowhere . I could see no station building or any platform . We had to climb down two steps before we reached the snow covered ground . If there was anything , I am sure I did not see it . The loco blew its whistle as if she wanted to say , " Good bye , " and the train disappeared . We were standing in the dark . Then I heard my companion say , " Well , lets start - and if we don 't hurry up we 'll miss out on supper ! " I was hungry already and for sure would not like to miss out on supper . She knew the way and had done the same trip with other children . We soon were in the middle of a forest . The snow crunched under our shoes . Slowly , I got used to the dark and was able to see where we were going . Sometimes my escort gave me a warning . Otherwise she was quiet . I did not dare saying a single syllable to her . We stomped towards our destination , which should have been somewhere beyond the dark , dense wall of trees . Slowly and softly it began to snow . " Lucky me , " I thought , because I was starving , thirsty and tired . Friedland was a small town with single story houses only . A few street lights were shining . We could see no other people in the streets . I was thinking of a Christmas poem , " Markt und Strassen stehen verlassen …” ( in English and German ) We turned a few corners and were suddenly standing in front of a villa . The lady pushed a door bell . An old woman in a long frock opened the door . " There you are Frau Fischer , " she said , " and the young man from Berlin you brought along . We have been worried about you and how you 'll find your way through the snowed - in forest . " She took my suit case off Frau Fischer and asked us inside . " It is best , you come straight through to the kitchen , " said the old woman and opened a door that led from the hallway to a huge kitchen . There , a second woman was busy cleaning a large stove . The first woman turned to me and said , " The other children are all asleep and you will get to see them tomorrow . Tonight , you will sleep in here . " She pointed to a room behind a glass partition and begged me to come to a table in the kitchen . I had never heard the word " Schnitte " in my life and learnt later that it was the local term for a open sandwich . I was wondering what it could be and feared if I couldn 't eat it , I would go to bed hungry . I didn 't need to worry at all . It turned out to be a large slice of bread with liverwurst and a cup of peppermint tea . Just the same as in the hospital years ago . Later , when I was in bed and the lights were switched off in my room , I could see through the glass partition into the well lit kitchen . The two women were still busy cleaning . I was wondering how my life would continue here . I put my thumb into my mouth to suck on it , as I was used to , before falling asleep . But as I started to suck the thought came to me , that the time had come to stop this childish habit . I was eight years old and could imagine what the other boys would say to me if they found out I was still sucking my thumb . My mother and my great - aunt tried for a long time to rid me of this habit . The time had come and I found I could get to sleep without it . Tiredness overcame me quickly and I fell into a deep sleep . Later I dreamt of a train huffing and puffing through a white , winter landscape . The locomotive was trailing a long white cloud of steam . |
May Eve StoryShort Short Story - The dangers of not paying attention on May Eve . Read more … → A Little Bird Told Me A Short Story about a Bad Promise , by Robin Wood . Read more … → One of Those DaysFlash Fiction - One of Those Days - You know the kind , when you can 't focus properly , and can 't figure out who to be . . . Read more … → Don 't do anything you don 't enjoy … Life is too short to do things you don 't enjoy . So find something to enjoy about all the things you have to do ! Read more … → Open Letter to Those Who Aren 't " Good Enough . " Creative , but afraid you 're not " good enough ? " I was too . But we can 't let that stop us . I 'll tell you why . Read more … → Archives November 2016 Her mother and father , the Queen and King , had huge flower gardens at the palace . There were beautifully kept beds of gorgeous blooms from all over the world . There were hidden nooks sheltered by sprays of sweet - smelling shrubs , and holding worn wooden benches where you could sit and rest . There were fountains of purest marble , white and cool as snow , where bright water splashed down to amuse brilliantly colored fish . There were towering trees with spreading canopies that sheltered choirs of hidden songbirds . There were arbors and pergolas cloaked with flowering vines , with delightful swings where you could feel as if you were about to touch the crystal blue sky . There were winding paths , and open walks , and even a formal maze of strong - smelling boxwood with tall golden gates so no one could enter alone and unwatched , and be lost for hours or days . " For you see , Nettie , " she would explain to her nurse , " none of them are alive a bit . It means nothing to any of them whether I care for them or not . Not like the flowers . When I love them , they love me back . " ( You should not imagine , by the way , that Irene was one of those unfortunate princesses who was given over to her nurse to raise . Her mother and father loved her dearly and spent as much time with her as they could . But it takes a lot of work to run a whole kingdom , and someone had to watch Irene when her parents couldn 't . ) The day this story starts wasn 't rainy , though . It was one of those glorious days you get sometimes is the spring . There had been rain , just the day before , and it had washed all the dust and clouds out of the sky , so it was such a brilliant blue it made you ache to look at it . All the leaves were shining from the rain , with that vibrant , tender green that you only get in the spring . The birds were busy impressing each other with their very best songs , and the air was full of brightly colored butterflies , dipping and soaring over the banks of cheery daffodils and heavenly pink and purple hyacinth . Now , Irene loved all the flowers , of course . But as much as she loved them all , she had her particular favorite . Can you guess what they were ? Not the roses , although she did love them for their bright colors , soft petals , and beautiful scents . But roses also have thorns that are liable to stick your fingers when you pull a spray close to sniff . And that , as Irene explained , is not as friendly as one could hope . Her very , very favorite flowers were lily - of - the - valley . Do you know them ? With their white bells on slender stalks , just waiting to chime for dancing fairies ? With their sweet scent , like dreams of angels ? With their glossy green leaves that almost hide the shy flowers ? There was a woman in a green apron kneeling among the lilies , with a trowel in her hand , and dirt on her fingers . Her red - brown hair was streaked with white , and her skin was brown and freckled from the sun . She had wide greeny - brown eyes , a wide nose with a wart , and a wide smile . She looked kind , but she was also the least pretty person the princess had ever seen in all her whole life . " I 'm sorry , Princess Irene . I didn 't mean to startle you . As you can see , " gesturing at her apron with her trowel , " I 'm one if the gardeners here . " She was a great favorite with them , and often stopped to chat with them , and ask questions . She was even allowed to deadhead some of the flowers , if she was very careful . ( That means to cut off the old , faded blossoms so the plant will replace them with new , bright flowers . ) " You never needed me before . " said Mag . " And I 'm sure you do know all the regular gardeners . The garden I tend is a bit … different . " Her mother was troubled , because Irene was generally a truthful child . But there was nothing much she could do except post a few extra guards to watch Irene 's room as she slept . So she did that , and then went to her own bed . Irene stared at her with eyes as round as two teacups , and then looked back down the path at the guards . They were a respectful distance away , watching her and chatting to each other . It was plain they saw nothing alarming . Mag looked up at last , and clicked her tongue . " Oh , my poor princess . What a state you have worried yourself into . I told you who I am yesterday . " Mag raised one eyebrow . " And that means I don 't work here ? There are thousands who work in these gardens that Mr . Morrison doesn 't know . All the bees and earthworms , the butterflies and squirrels , the toads and birds . All working to make the gardens beautiful , and Mr . Morrison doesn 't know a one of them . " Irene sat on the ground , too tired to stand , but determined to get a straight answer . " You aren 't a bee or butterfly . Now who are you ? " Mag smiled . " I might be . Not everything looks the way you expect it to . But you are right , and I can see you are too tired to tease . I am a gardener , as I told you , and you were given into my care by your great - great grandmother , who was a good friend of mine . " " No . But anyone can have a bad day . It 's your usual decisions , and your decisions about what to do about your bad decisions , that form your personality . " But sometimes we have an unusual decision to make . And that can set us down one path or another . Paths can always change , but the farther you travel , the harder it becomes . " " When you are faced with the decision , you will know which path is right , if you listen to your heart and your internal compass . But sometimes it 's difficult to do what 's right ; it can seem very risky . Wrong often seems easier in the short term . " " Things and places where you are the most like yourself . The world can be a very confusing place . Most people cope with it by changing who they are a little , from place to place and time to time . For instance , you 're kind of afraid of Mr . Braithwaite , right ? " You remember that Mr . Braithwaite was the butler , and was in charge of all the servants in the palace . He was very tall , and very narrow , and very strict . Unlike most of the servants , he didn 't much like the little princess . But then , he didn 't much like anyone , really ; not even himself . He was inclined to look down his very long nose at Irene , and he " tolerated no nonsense . " To be honest , Irene wasn 't ' kind of afraid ' of him . He scared her silly , and she tried to avoid him as much as she could . Irene thought about the last time she 'd seen Mr . Braithwaite . She had been walking back to her rooms after a lesson with Sir James . He had just given her the list of principal exports of the kingdom to memorize , in order , and she 'd been making up a song to help fix them in her head , and singing it quietly to herself . And then suddenly the butler was in front of her , with that expression on his face that said he utterly despised her . " Umm … I get quiet . I try not to move , and not to draw attention to myself . I hope if I 'm stiff and proper enough , he won 't say anything , and I 'll be able to just sneak away . " " Oh , sweetness , it 's not wrong at all . It 's perfectly natural , and most people do it . Most of the time , it doesn 't hurt anything for you to pretend you are invisible when you see Mr . Braithwaite . But sometimes , it 's important to remain who you are , even when you are frightened or unsure . " " Why , you just imagine that you are here . You have a connection to this place . In a very real way , it 's part of you . The secret is that you can move your mind and heart to places where you have connections , even when your body is far away . Just picture in your mind the lilies blooming , and the feelings of warmth , and strength , and peace , and love , that you have when you are here , and you 'll find that you can face the things you need to face . " " Not easy , no . Not the first time , anyway , although it becomes easier the more you do it , like anything else . Say ' possible ' . It is possible to face things when your heart and mind are holding to your Center of Strength that might seem impossible if you didn 't know that secret . Can you remember that ? " Mag smiled kindly at her . " Then , for now , why don 't you go back inside , apologize to Nettie and Sir James , and take a nap . You 'll feel much better for it . " The very next day , after her lessons with Sir James , Irene was in her room alone . Nettie 's headache had turned into a cold , and she had to stay in bed . The extra guards had been sent back to their regular duties when Irene had been her normal , cheerful self at dinner the night before . So she was completely by herself , and trying to figure out how to hold the ribbon just so and hold the picture of the flowers in the right position and glue them both down on the get - well card she was making for Nettie with only two hands , when she heard a noise in the hall . Flossie was one of the servants , but she was just Irene 's age , and very friendly and fun to play with . Except , most of the time , she was working and couldn 't play . Mr . Braithwaite had told Irene more than once , quite firmly , not to bother the servants when they were working . Still , she only needed her help for a minute , just long enough to apply the glue . So she whispered , " Flossie ! " Mr . Braithwaite shook her , as she grew paler still , and her eyes got big and round . " I will not tolerate this kind of impudence and disrespect ! Who do you think you are , saying ' no ' to me ? " Irene felt sick . For a moment , she was strongly tempted to quietly close the door , and pretend she had never heard Flossie in the hall . But Flossie would be in bad trouble , and might even lose her place in the palace . It would be wrong to sneak away . But Mr . Braithwaite was so scary , especially when he was like this . Irene leaned back into the feeling of the lilies , and remembered that she was , after all , a princess . " I 'm sorry , Mr . Braithwaite . But Flossie was telling me ' no ' , not you . " she swallowed hard , as he glared at her . " I 'm sorry . I know it was wrong of me , but I had just asked her to come into my room and help me with something . She knew her duty , and was refusing to leave the dusting . I don 't think she heard you . " Mr . Braithwaite stared at her , unmoving for a moment . Then looked back at Flossie as if she was something he 'd scraped off his boot . " Is that true ? " " Not easy " she whispered to her doll . " Not easy at all . But possible . I did it . " She felt a small grin beginning to grow , deep inside her . " I did it , Lily . I really did . I did the right thing , when the wrong would have been so much easier . But I know I did , and Flossie knows , even if Mr . Braithwaite never forgives me . But he didn 't like me anyway , and I did it ! " Then from deep in her Center of Strength , she heard Mag 's voice saying , " Yes , you did . I 'm so very proud . " For a moment she thought she felt a warm , loving hand , patting her shoulder . The house was just shabby enough that no one scolded if you shuffled your feet . Or if you accidentally made a mark on the wall , when you got a little too enthusiastic with a pan in one hand . But the family kept it clean and comfortable , and that 's what matters . She learned how to read , and write , and do sums , and multiply on her fingers . And she learned the history and geography of her country , and the other countries that the leaders of her country thought mattered . And she learned singing , and knitting , and magic ; for magic is everywhere in that corner of the multiverse , and everyone has to learn how to use it . Well … One bright day in early spring , Marissa was walking home from school . It was one of those days when the snow is mostly gone , except in the cold shady places . The crocuses and windflowers were just poking through the leftover leaves from the fall before , and the first shy butterflies were coming out of their chrysalises , and marveling at the wide , wide world . The sun was streaming through the trees , and the air was full of birdsong . Marissa was very happy that day . She had earned a golden asterisk on her spelling test . ( Did I remember to tell you that the children there have spelling , like the children here ? ) And she had learned a new song , all about daffodils . So she was on her way , half dancing from sheer joy , with her cheery red book bag on her shoulder , singing about daffodils . And every now and then , she made a daffodil bloom on the side of the road , just for fun . ( They were only illusions , and would fade in an hour , but that didn 't matter . ) Well … First , Marissa thought , ' He 's awfully big to be crying for a pair of mittens . ' And then she thought , ' Silly boy , why didn 't he just put them in his pockets ? ' And then she thought about how she would feel , if her mommy had made her wear mittens that day , and she had lost them , and was going to be in terrible trouble . And she realized that she would feel sad that the mittens were lost , and angry with herself for losing them , and scared of the trouble , if it was going to be very terrible . And she felt tears coming into her own eyes . She walked up to the boy and patted him on the shoulder . " Don 't cry ! " she said . " I 'll help you , and maybe we can find them again , and everything will be alright . " I should tell you what egg flowers are , because we don 't have them here . They are early spring flowers that have masses of white blooms , with the palest of pale blue veins . And when they finish blooming , the seed pods look just like blue robin 's eggs with red speckles . When you squeeze the pods , they burst open with a pop ! And release a cloud of tiny seeds with sparkling , iridescent " wings " that float up and up into the sky . Children like to pop the seeds ; and they call that " letting the birdies fly . " That 's right ! A pair of mittens . Blue ones , with red fishes on the backs and white fishes on the palms , right where he had dropped them . " You 're welcome ! " said Marissa . " but all I really did was help you remember . Ummm … next time you take them off , you might want to put them in your pockets . " Well … First , Marissa thought , ' Silly lady ! Why didn 't she just carry the baby in a basket ? ' And then she thought about how she would feel if she had gotten all excited about the birdsong , and grabbed a jar and the baby and run outside without thinking . Because as good and brave as she was , I have to admit that Marissa often did things without thinking them all the way through first . And she realized that she would feel worried for the baby , and disappointed that she might miss the chance to gather the birdsong , and upset with herself for not thinking it through . And she realized that when you 're upset with yourself , the last thing you need is for other people to point out your mistake . " Thank you so much ! " said the young woman . And she put the jar down on the ground , and took her baby back , settling him into her arm . ( He never woke up , but just kept sleeping peacefully . ) The young woman laughed . " It is , isn 't it , " she said , " Thanks to you ! Well , I need to get home . Goodbye ! " As soon as the lady was walking away and couldn 't see , Marissa shook out her arms so they would stop aching . That baby had been heavy ! But her heart was lighter than ever , and she resolved to find that spell and learn it , although it was probably too advanced for her to do quite yet . And she went on her way , three quarters dancing now . I should tell you that at that spot there was a little stream that curved toward the road , chuckling as it pretended it was going to tap the path , and then curved away again . The road , as if it were playing with the stream , threw out a side path that hopped over the stream by way of a tiny humpback bridge , and then wandered off down a shady glen . But the bridge was so very , very small that whoever built it hadn 't bothered to put any railings on it . " Hello , little girl , " said the old , old man , smiling at her . " Not wrong , exactly . But my legs aren 't as steady as they once were , and the bridge here has no railings . It would be fine , if it was level , but as you can see , it 's not . And I 'm not quite comfortable venturing over it . " Well … Marissa didn 't have to think much at all to know how she would feel if her legs were all wobbly and she needed to cross that bridge ! She would be scared that they would give out part way , and she would take a tumble , and get a dunking too ! And then she 'd still have to get home somehow , all wet and bruised ! " That would be most kind ! " said the old , old man . " You are a thoughtful child , aren 't you ? " And he smiled at Marissa . " Right as rain , " said the old , old man . " The rest of my way is as level as can be . Thanks again ! " And off he walked , as jaunty as it 's possible for such a very old , old man to be . There on her pillow stood the most beautiful fairy you could ever imagine ! She was only as big as Marissa 's hand , and she shone all over , like the sun shining through leaves . She had two gorgeous wings springing from her shoulders , shimmering with all the colors of the rainbow . She was fanning them gently , which was making the humming sound , and as they moved they left trails of light . Marissa held her breath . She had never seen , never even dreamed , of anything half so lovely . Because , you see , even in that corner of the multiverse , where magic is everywhere , fairies show themselves as themselves only a little more often than they do here . " I know , because I was all the people you met today . I was the boy who lost his mittens , and the young woman with the baby , and the old , old man . And no matter my guise or trouble , you went out of your way to help me . " The fairy laughed , with a sound like silver bells . " I 'm a fairy ! We can be anyone or anything we like . You never know when the stranger you see is really one of us . " And she smiled at Marissa . The fairy smiled . " That 's why they say that kindness is it 's own reward , " she said " but I 'm a fairy , and I like to give people who help me something a bit more substantial . " And she held out a tiny book . " This is the spell to collect birdsong , " she said . " Keep it safe until you know enough magic to work it , and someday , your weaving will be famous throughout the world . " And with that , she fanned her wings until they got so dazzling bright that Marissa had to close her eyes . When she opened them , the fairy was gone . But she still held the little book tightly in her hand . She opened it and looked inside , of course , but one glance showed her the spell was really too advanced . After all , she was only about your age . But she knew she 'd be able to work it one day . Sounds great , doesn 't it ? Except that " more beautiful " is a relative term . It would be just as true to say that I 'm one of 12 , each plainer than the next . My youngest sister , Eleanor , is lovely , with golden curls , dimples , and bright blue eyes . In fact , the youngest four are all really quite stunning , in their separate ways . The three before that are fairly pretty as well . Megan , Princess number five , is just ordinary looking ; nothing special , but nothing untoward . Juniper , number four in line , has an unfortunate squint ( she will not wear her spectacles ) and unruly hair . Grace , the third oldest , is sadly knock - kneed , but happily her dresses hide it . She also freckles and somehow manages to look rumpled most of the time . Jasmine is the oldest . You 'd expect her to be the plainest of all , and I suppose if your idea of beauty is based entirely on softness and femininity you 'd think you were right . She looks exactly like our father the king , but without the beard . She inherited his regal , beaked nose , his height , and his breadth across the shoulders , as well as his straight dark hair and piercing blue eyes . Like him , she 's slender and athletic , and inclined to stride about bellowing . She 's also going to inherit his crown , so really , her looks aren 't terribly important . She has plenty of suitors . I 'm Gayla . Second oldest . And I 'm a mess . I 'm as tall as Jasmine , but also what our mother the queen describes as " heavy set . " She means fat . On someone shorter , as I 've had explained to me many , many times , it might be considered plump or cuddly . On me , because of my height , it just looks formidable , and unladylike . I 'm not at all athletic , so our father has explained to me that there 's no reason for me to be so tall . I 'd love to be shorter , but somehow it 's been years since I 've managed it . I also have wiry mud - brown hair that knots itself into tangles and escapes from all attempts to control it . My eyes aren 't any particular color , and they 're weak , necessitating the use of spectacles ( which I wear . ) I have freckles . And a wart next to my nose . And I 'm clumsy . There are 12 of us because our father the king really , really wanted a son and heir . But that didn 't happen , and by the time my mother the queen had had 12 daughters in 14 years , my father realized what story he was stuck in . Privately , I think he 'd also grown so fond of Jasmine he wanted her to have the throne , not some hypothetical son of unknown character . I 'd figured out that we were going to be 12 Princesses by the time I was 10 . I 'd also realized that I was going to be the one that never married . At the time , I was delighted , because I had very little use for boys ; I found them loud , stupid , obnoxious , mostly sticky , and with a tendency to laugh at things that weren 't funny . At 12 , it was my ambition to excel at strategy and tactics . I would be a great general , renowned throughout the continent , and opposing armies would quail when they heard my name . I blame that on General Wain , who my father the king employed that year to teach us older girls about the Art of War . I thought he was devastatingly handsome , and cut a dashing figure in his bright uniform , glittering with gold embroidery and so many medals they could have doubled as armor . It certainly wasn 't because I like war . On the contrary , when I see someone in pain it hurts me , too , and I do whatever I can to ease it and make them feel better . I can 't even kill a bug . There 's not a chance that I could order troops into combat . We learned all the things that young princess are taught , including Statecraft , and how to rule a kingdom . Even Eleanor had to learn that , because her Hero might also be a Prince . As both our parents , the king and queen , were fond of telling us , it 's immense help to a king to have a queen who is well versed in all aspects of statecraft , including trade and taxes . I 'm afraid I didn 't pay much attention , though , because I knew I 'd never need it . Jasmine excelled in it , because she was going to have to rule after our father the king , which delighted him . None of us could actually get engaged until Eleanor had had whatever - it - was , of course . But as the years went on it seemed that the palace was always full of various princes , courting one or another of us , or just hanging around . There 's no lack of small kingdoms like ours , which means lots of alliances and treaties . There 's nothing like a marriage to cement peaceful relations between kingdoms . I never doubted that Megan and even Juniper would wind up marrying some prince or other . By the time that Eleanor was 16 , and it was reasonable to think that her adventure would happen soon , I was 29 . Jasmine had taken over a lot of the State duties for our father , and I was helping with judgements and so on , but I still hadn 't figured out what I was going to do with myself once Eleanor was settled . Most of the younger ones had " understandings " with various princes by then . I liked all the princes , which was good since a lot of them might wind up being my brothers - in - law , but I mostly sat back and watched rather than joining in . I mean , really , who would want to dance with me ? If I stumbled , and I probably would , I might lurch against him and crush him like a bug ! They asked , but I knew they were just being polite , so I always refused . My parents noticed that Eleanor , who had always had a complexion like a blush rose , was getting paler and paler . She stopped eating , and started mostly playing with her food . She was tired and listless all day , and sometimes her bed looked as if she hadn 't been in it all night . My father the king knew exactly what to do . He 'd been preparing for this for years , after all . As soon as he realized that this was finally it , he sent one of his councilors to check on her in the dead of night . Sure enough , she was missing ; but the door guard swore that she hadn 't left the room , and she wouldn 't say where she 'd gone , or why . All the princes who had been hanging around lined up . A fair number of young , unmarried men who weren 't royalty did , as well . ( So did a few who were not young , but after a hurried consultation with my mother the queen , they were disqualified . The proclamation was amended to read " young men ( under 35 years of age . ) " I expected Eleanor to perk up . After all , she 'd been waiting her whole life for this . But I caught her peeking between the curtains at the line of men signing up for their chance , with tears in her eyes . " Eleanor ? " I said , as softly as I could . " Come to your Gayla , " and I held out my arms . She came , and leaned against me , crying her eyes out . " Do you want to talk about it ? " I sat down on the bench next to the window , and took her onto my lap . Great girl that she was , I was still much bigger , and had no problem at all cuddling her as if she was still six , with a banged up knee . " Don 't you want to have your Adventure ? " She sat up , and glared at me . " No ! It 's stupid ! Just because I 'm youngest , I 'm going to have to marry one of them . " she spat it out like a curse . This girl , who 'd spent her childhood dancing around , singing and teasing the rest of us about her Adventure , no longer wanted any part of it ! I have to admit , I was stunned . " Are you sure that he 's not out there in line , in disguise ? " After all , that 's what I would have done , if it had been me in love with a princess . This was the chance for anyone to win her hand , and our parents the king and queen wouldn 't be able to object , no matter what . " Ah . " My father the king didn 't want to waste any more time than had already gone by . He 'd been waiting too long , and he wasn 't a patient man . So all applicants had to be signed in today , the same day as the proclamation , although from the looks of that line it would take weeks for each of them to have their night . " Then I 'll see to it that all the ones in this group fail . A sleeping draught is easy enough to make . If they 're asleep , they can 't very well follow you when you sneak out at night . " For the next two weeks , I fixed a sleeping potion every night , and every night I 'd give it to that night 's prince ( or whoever ) as he got ready to wait and watch on the couch in Eleanor 's room . Every night , it made him super alert for the first 10 minutes or so , and then he 'd sleep soundly . Once he was snoring , Eleanor would creep out , see her prince , and sneak back in . Every morning , the poor prince ( or whoever ) would stand before the court , and admit that he 'd seen nothing ; just the princess laying there . Some of them said she was there all night , and some admitted that they weren 't able to stay awake , but none knew where she went . Only a couple were dishonorable ( or desperate ) enough to make up stories ; but they had no evidence , and broke down under cross - examination . In the meantime , all the princes kept hanging around , as they had for years , except now they were joined by an odd assortment of other young men , from the traditional soldiers and woodcutters to the occasional clerk or farmer . We even had one artist , a tall , handsome fellow , who painted little miniatures of all my sisters and thrilled them to bits . He offered to paint mine , too , but I didn 't want one . You wouldn 't either , if you were me . He was fun to talk with , though . I did what I could to make them all feel comfortable and welcome . My father the king was at his most jovial , since the Long Wait ( as he put it ) was coming to an end . My mother was a little on the frantic side , as she prepared for a dozen weddings all at once . She was convinced that the rest of us would be married within the week , once Eleanor was " taken care of . " He reached out , and took the goblet , examining it carefully . Then he looked up , and pinned me with his gaze . " Do you bring this to all the suitors ? " he asked . My heart was lighter than usual , because the moon was waning . The next night there would be no moon , and it would be safe . More fool I . Eleanor looked worse than ever , because she knew that she wasn 't going to be seeing her love for a day or so . I was on edge , although I didn 't know why . My other ten sisters were getting impatient ; they 'd hoped to have this settled by now . The rest of the court was enjoying the show . The artist gave a sweeping and courtly bow . " Your Majesty , I have solved the riddle ! " And he proceeded to lay out the whole thing . How as soon as the moon rose , my sister got out of bed , and tapped on the wall , opening a secret door . How she crept out , and he followed . All about the meeting with a prince dressed in white velvet , moonstones , and pearls . How they whispered vows of undying love , and spoke of the gate being closed except when the moon shone on it . He even had a tiny piece of the prince 's cloak , which had gotten caught on a bush , and tore off as he rushed to get back inside before the gate closed at moon - set . " You have solved the mystery , and her hand is yours , " he said . I don 't think he was happy . He did love her , the most beautiful of his daughters , and she was obviously heart broken . Eleanor smiled like the sun coming out . " Oh thank you ! " she cried . I don 't think anyone has ever been so delighted to be rejected , before or since . My father the king let go of her hand , and she quickly withdrew it . " I don 't understand ! Would you rather have another of my daughters ? " There was a rustle among my sisters . He was just an artist , although he was very handsome . I could tell that some were hoping it was them , and some were hoping he 'd choose someone else , because of their " understandings . " Jasmine 's jaw muscles bunched , and I knew she was thinking that he was going to claim her , and through her , the throne . Jasmine and Grace , sitting on either side of me , nudged me . I got to my feet , and stumbled over to my father . He took my hand , smiling as if it would crack his face , and put it in the hand of the artist . He 'd scrubbed his hands well . There was only a hint of paint left , around his cuticles . I smiled ruefully back at him . " Oh dear . I 'm afraid that it doesn 't work that way . You have me , but not the title . " Sure enough , under it he was wearing a doublet made of cloth of gold , with emeralds sewn in an intricate pattern all over it . " Art is only a hobby of mine . I 'm really Prince Giles , heir to the kingdom of Luxinstan . " I thought the cheering had been loud before . The court pretty much exploded at that . I mean really , hats were tossed , the trumpeters each started to play a different fanfare for no particular reason , children were shouting and jumping up and down . It was just bedlam . After all , Luxinstan is the largest , richest kingdom around here , and my father had been trying to set up an alliance with them for ages . Being allied through marriage pretty much meant that there would be peace in this corner of the world for the foreseeable future . So my mother was right . She did have to arrange a duodecuple wedding , ( which was probably less work than 12 separate ones , but still . ) Eleanor married her Prince , and was glowing so brightly she was practically luminous . They got married here , and also in his kingdom , because , as she said , anything worth doing was worth doing more than once . Jasmine married the prince she 'd picked out to be her king nearly a decade before , and all the others married the princes they had understandings with . Even Grace married a prince , not a blind harper after all . But I do wish I 'd paid a bit more attention during Statecraft lessons . Life is a weird , unexpected journey . You never know what you 're going to need . So , that 's the new story promised every - other - Saturday . I 'm sorry there 's no picture for this one . I 've been pretty sick , and didn 't manage to make one . Posted on July 2 , 2016July 2 , 2016Categories Short Story , WritingTags short story , story , writing4 Comments on Each More Beautiful Bully for You Another Kip Andrews story ! Enjoy . It 'll be up here for everyone to read for free until July 2 , and then I 'll be moving it to Kindle . Mom put down the apple she was slicing . " Oh good ! " She hastily wiped her hands on her apron , and bustled out of the room , calling " Keep your fingers out of that salad ! " over her shoulder . " Kip , we had the wood from the tree assessed . It 's all pure Lighting Struck Oak , grade 4 , worth 3 ells a decidun . A decidun Kip ! And we have a whole tree of it ! " We had a whole tree , because a couple of weeks ago , lightning struck the tree in front of our house , almost killing my brother , Jasper . Usually , lightning struck oak gets burned , or some of the tree isn 't energized . But this had been a big bolt , followed by enough rain to quench any fire . Grade 4 meant it was super charged , and the wood was sound , in pieces big enough to carve things out of . " Now , we won 't get that much , of course . That 's retail , and we 'll be selling to them wholesale , but still , it 's going to come to several million ! " My mom gave a little hop . I could see why . I couldn 't help grinning myself . By the time I got to school the next day , everyone knew . I have no idea how . I sure hadn 't told anyone . But somehow , the news had spread , and everyone was staring at me . " Hey , Rich Kid ! " I froze . I knew that voice . Lem Carter . He was the biggest kid in school by a fair piece , and he was an equal - opportunity bully . He picked on everyone . But there are degrees of being picked on . Yeah , I was hopeless in magic class , but I was a whiz in math . It evened out , at least in Lem 's tiny mind . Until I saved my brother 's life by using magic to get that tree off his throat . Some kids flat didn 't believe I 'd done it , and Lem was their leader . " I hear you got a pile from that tree . What say you give me a thousand or so ? " He poked me in the shoulder . A tiny hint of what would happen if I didn 't . " Is that so ? Hummmm … " he rubbed his chin , pretending to consider , but his eyes were narrowed and gleeful . " Well , I guess I 'll just have to be content with whatever you have on you , then . " He grinned . His smile turned meaner than ever . " That 's a point . And I can 't ask you to glass it , you 'd only stop the payment . " He paused . " I know ! You can bring me cash tomorrow . " He stopped smiling . " At least 100 . " He laughed , and he and his so - called friends turned and sauntered away . I leaned back against the lockers , trying not to be sick . There was no way I could get that much money . No way . I 've hated magic since I can remember . Two weeks ago , the very day that lightning struck , I realized it 's because I hate change . Magic makes things change into things they have no business being . I mean , I guess I don 't hate the magical tech , or anything . I 'm not a Fudder . But tech is different . It 's not something I have to do , myself . I had hoped that when I understood what my problem was , it would go away , at least enough to get through Magic Lab . But no such luck . It seems that just knowing why isn 't enough . I still had a hard time making myself do it . Mr . Wilfred had given us all little petri dishes full of dirt . Mine was mixed mud , gravel , and what looked like a crumpled candy wrapper . The spell was supposed to turn the whole thing into a polished slab . Jamie , who was next to me , leaned over . " Having trouble , Stunto ? " she whispered . Then she looked quickly to the table past hers , where Lem was leering as he watched . I didn 't blame Jamie . She didn 't want to be on Lem 's bad side . No one does . Of course , all his sides are bad , but you know what I mean . I sighed . " What are you trying to say ? " I looked past her , at Lem . I knew who was the puppet , and who the puppeteer . And I wasn 't going to waste words talking with the puppet . " Admit it , Stunto . " He left Jamie out , too . " That tree missed your brother . He broke his arm falling , and you stepped in and took all the credit . You just wanted to look a little less like the Magical Stunto that everyone knows you are . " " Oh , no . I 'll believe the truth . And the truth is that you are just a pathetic Stunto . You 're not fooling anyone . If you could do magic , you would . But you can 't , can you , Stunto ? " I tossed my stuff onto my desk , and looked over at Jasper . That 's my brother . He 's Perfect , you know . But right now , he has yellow bruises all over , especially on his throat , and his arm is in a cast . I 've been trying to be gentle with him , since the accident . I don 't really mean gentle ; that 's not the right word . It 's more like he 's taken care of me , ever since I can remember . So I 've been trying to take care of him . Like the power running the other way , or something . Anyway , I 've been trying not to bug him . " We 're not rich now . We 'll be rich in a couple of months , when the sale of the tree goes through , and all the taxes are paid . That kind of money takes a while to set up and transfer . " " What do you want from me , Kip ? I can 't go to your school and beat him up for you . This is your problem . You handle it . You know what to do . Tell someone , ignore him , make a joke - Mom 's told you all of this . " He went back to his reading . He slammed the book down . " Just leave me alone for once in your life , and don 't keep asking me to do everything for you ! Okay ? " He got up , and left the room . He 's changed . I mean , I know he 's in pain and all of that . Mom says he 's coming to grips with his own mortality , whatever that means . But still . I looked away . " I can 't tell her . It 'll just make him worse . I was hoping Jasper would have some useful trick , or I wouldn 't have told him , either . " I shot him an accusing glare . " A bully targets you because they 're jealous , to feel powerful , or to look popular . Some are being bullied themselves , or in other kinds of intolerable situations . You need to understand , reframe the bullying , and treat them with empathy and . . . " I tuned her out . Yeah , yeah . Poor unfortunate bully . Acting out because they 're so unhappy . Yada yada . There are other ways to handle unhappiness that don 't involve making everyone else miserable . I 'm sorry , but I didn 't pity Lem a bit . I thought he probably deserved whatever bad stuff might be happening to him . " Mom , Dad , really , I can take care of it . Okay ? " He 'd break my bones if I got him kicked out of school ! Then I remembered my parents gushing over the idea of a new house . " Besides , we 're going to move soon , right ? I can handle it a while longer . Please . " His little cohort whooped with laughter , but he pulled his hand out of mine and scowled . " Yeah , good joke . I want 100 ell , punk . " I smiled innocently at him . " I can understand that . I 'd like 100 ell , too . But you know , neither of us actually has that kind of money . " In fact , I didn 't have cash at all . I 'd made sure of that . He grinned evilly . " No , I 'm not . Tell ya what , since you don 't have cash , I 'll take that jacket . " " Yeah , that 's a point . Tell you what , give it to me , and I 'll sell it . " He smirked . " It would be nicer if you just handed it over now . I 'll get it , one way or another , and I 'd prefer it without bloodstains . They 're such a nuisance to remove . " He advanced , and I retreated , looking quickly over my shoulder . No teachers . How did he do that ? If I tried to do anything bad , a teacher always popped up ! Maybe I should do something against the rules now , and conjure one . Most people need to physically draw sigils before activating them . But there are people who can do magic in their heads . They don 't need to draw anything . They just visualize the sigil on the thing they want to change , activate it , and wham . I pictured it on the floor , as clearly as I could , and activated it as strongly as I was able . I couldn 't tell if the floor was any slicker than it had been . It was pretty polished anyway . Lem and his friends took another step forward . And it was perfect ! Their feet went right out from under them , landing them smack on their rumps ! They tried to get up , but they couldn 't ; the floor was too slippery . They just kept sliding around , while the ones who hadn 't fallen laughed like loons . Everything I knew about bullies and how to deal with them kept going round and round in my head . I knew that nothing worked with every bully , but there had to be something that would work with this one . Negotiation didn 't work . Joking didn 't work . Placating didn 't work . Nothing worked ! It was horrible ! There was nothing I could do ! But then I looked at Lem 's broad back in the seat in front of me , and remembered what Jasper had said , about Lem 's brother . For my whole life , Jasper had always been kind and patient ; someone I could depend on . Right then , he was in a bunch of pain , and snappish from it , but even so , I knew he would never beat me up . What would it be like to have an older brother like Lem had , instead . To be afraid of someone in your own family ? Someone you could not escape ? He didn 't even have any friends . All he had were followers , who followed from fear . I mean , I don 't have a ton of friends . But I do have a couple , and we 're friends because we like each other . He had no one . It 's strange , but I really did feel sorry for him . I wished he could have a friend . A real friend , who wasn 't afraid of him . I was musing it over , kind of lost in that alternate reality , when my pencil broke . Without thinking , I leaned forward , and tapped him on the shoulder . He turned around , with his mouth open , and one eyebrow raised . I thought about that all the way home . We 'll probably never be real friends . But at least he was off my back . And really , he 's not completely evil . " How did you know it was me ? " he asked with his mouth full . He was scattering crumbs everywhere . I have no idea why ten year old boys disdain little niceties like plates and forks , but in my experience they all do . " I have ways . " One thing I 've learned , with 3 children , 9 grandchildren , and 21 great - grandchildren is never to tell them how you know things about them . Not until they are old enough to need the tricks for their own youngsters . Thinking that adults simply know everything is a powerful deterrent , and with a brood like mine , I need all the deterrents I can get ! In reply , he shoved both brownies into his mouth at once . They didn 't fit , of course . The child has a wide mouth , but I am generous when I cut my brownies . He made a valiant effort , but crumbs leaked everywhere . I thought about requiring him to return to mouse form and eat them off the floor , but he would probably enjoy that . So I just glared at him instead . " You know that only lasts while you are a mouse . As soon as you became a boy , you 'd have been as ravenous as ever . And I 'd have been left with half - nibbled brownies , and tiny chocolate footprints all over the pantry . " Will is one of the ones who always wants to know the outcomes of every possible choice . Not a bad trait ; it will make him a careful , thoughtful adult . But at the moment , he 's still a child , and sometimes prone to repeating behavior , good or bad , to test the variables . He smiled and sat back . He has learned that when I 'm that sure , it 's not wise to test me . Besides , I never , ever , lie to any of them , and they know that . " So , to what do I owe the pleasure ? " I asked . There are times my family drops in just to visit , but I was pretty sure this wasn 't one of them . " Mom sent me , " he answered . " She said to give you this . " He fished in his pocket , and pulled out a note . It wasn 't in bad shape , considering everything I was sure had happened to it since his mother handed it to him . That was odd . Not the invitation ; I was frequently asked to join my various family groups to share meals , celebrations , and so on . But generally not in writing . Will craned his neck , trying to see , and I realized that for some reason , Peg hadn 't wanted him to know I was coming . I folded the note in half , thwarting his efforts , and tucked it in my work basket . Peg hadn 't given me any details , so she was either assuming I could handle whatever it was on the fly , or that I already knew what was going on . On Friday , I showed up at Peg 's house punctually at 4 : 00 , as requested . I find punctuality important . It allows people to plan . " It 's Steph . She 's very troubled , but she won 't tell either Greg or me what is wrong . We tried to send her to you , but she won 't go . So I decided to bring you to her . " Steph is one of my younger great grands . She 's only seven , and very quiet and reserved . Unlike the rest , she never changes into something unexpected and just pops over and lets herself into my house . When she does come to visit , she always knocks on the door , and always in human form . I let myself out the back , and walked to the little copse where the swings are . I could see Steph , her back to the house , listlessly kicking the ground in a half - hearted attempt to swing . Something wrong , indeed . Oh dear . This was worse than I thought . I stood up , gathered her out of her swing , and carried her over to the double glider . I 'm so glad young children are small enough to pick up easily ! For a while , I just held her and swung gently , while she cried . " That 's right . " I murmured , " Let the tears wash the pain away . And know that I will always love you , no matter what . " " Now , " I said , " who did you murder ? " She was startled enough to laugh , and doing that while crying caused her to hiccup . Loudly . Which made her gulp and half laugh again . " I didn 't think so . " I gave her a squeeze . " So , we 've established it 's not as horrible as murder . What is it ? " I did , indeed . Although my descendants generally figure it out well before that . I 'd never seen Steph - oh no . I knew where this was going . Sure enough , she started to sob again . " I tried , Grandnana . I tried really hard . They 're going to kick me out of the family , aren 't they ? Please don 't hate me , Grandnana ! Please ! " " Oh , my poor little Stephie ! My very own , dear little Stephie ! Of course not ! I 'm so sorry you thought that for a minute ! You 're our own darling Steph , and we don 't care a bit if you can 't Shift ! Not everyone can , you know ! " She was holding me so tightly that it hurt . She had accidentally grabbed a pinch of my skin , under my shirt . I 'd have a bruise there tomorrow , but that was insignificant next to this . " No , honey bunch , you are not a failure . Don 't say that about my great - granddaughter . Lack of one talent does not a failure make . I held her close , taking her hand in mine . She could hold my hand as tightly as she liked . " What will they say ? " I asked . I sighed . " People who tease are trying to get a reaction from you . Lots of times , they don 't care what reaction , as long as they get one . Any reaction at all makes them feel , just for a minute , like they mattered to you . Just for a minute , you saw them , and interacted with them . " The trick is a two prong approach . Let them know that not shifting is something neutral for you , like having dark brown hair or green eyes . But also interact with them doing things that make you all feel good , because it 's the interaction they crave . " " But it 's not neutral ! It 's one of the most important things there is ! Ever since I was tiny , I 've been waiting until I could turn into a bird and fly through the sky , or turn into a horse and run like the wind , or be a fish in the brook ! And now I never will ! " I held her close , and felt the pain I would feel if I had to give up all those things . " You 're right . It 's hard to give up dreams and expectations . It hurts a lot . I know . " " Oh my darling , yes . Think how old I am . I 've had to give up so much ! So many dreams , plans , hopes that never happened . " Well , it was only fair . She 'd shown me her pain . " The worst was when I realized I 'd have to live without your GrandGrampa . I didn 't think I could . I 'd always imagined us going on forever together . But life doesn 't go on forever , and his ended before mine . " I had to laugh . " Well , yes . But that 's not quite the kind of interaction I was thinking of . That would probably not make him feel good . " I could answer that one without thinking . " Being kind . And that 's not dependent on any talent or ability or skill in the world . Everyone can do that , no matter what . " She turned , gave me a kiss , and slid off my lap . " No . I can do this . You 're sure she 'll still love me ? " I watched her go , her back straight and head up , and thought about my husband . I still missed him dreadfully , at times . But I know he 'd be so very proud of our brood ! Posted on June 4 , 2016June 4 , 2016Categories Short Story , WritingTags Grandnana , short story , story , writing2 Comments on Expectations May Eve Story It 's Saturday , and time for another short short . This one is just shy of 1000 words . I wrote it on May Eve , and thought I should post it before the month is over . If it hadn 't rained , I wouldn 't have been stuck indoors . I wouldn 't have gotten bored , and decided to put together a wreath out of dried flowers and bird feathers and bits of this and that , all hot glued to an old form I 'd been given for a long - ago housewarming . Without the rain , I 'd have been far away from the house , and I 'd never have heard the doorbell , even if it rang . At first glance , I thought it was a child , standing there as gray as the rain , dripping on the mat . I wondered who was letting their little girl wander around in the rain , without so much as a hat . But then she lifted her eyes , and I realized it wasn 't a child at all . She wasn 't human . No human has ever been born with eyes like that . Solid green , those eyes , with flecks of gold floating in them . No whites , no dark pupils , just shades of green , dancing like leaves in a forest breeze , burning as if lit from behind . " Ah much better ! " she chirped . She scooted by , and straight to the fireplace . There wasn 't a fire , of course . I seldom turn on the gas , except for holidays and other special occasions . She pointed a surprisingly long finger at me , and I found myself saying , " It 's a gas fire . Natural gas is piped into the house , and a spark from the electronic ignition unit causes it to burn , but very cleanly . There 's no ash , and no smoke . " " Huh . " She turned back to the blaze . " Well , it 's truly fire , so I suppose that 's legal , even if it doesn 't smell right at all . " " I 'm not sure . " Ten minutes earlier I 'd have said not a chance , but I was standing there talking to someone who wasn 't human , and I had no idea if anyone else would even find her visible . So yeah , of course I was questioning my sanity . Wouldn 't you ? She peered up at me , and then around the house , or as much as you can see from the living room . " Not bad , although it 's been far too long since you washed your curtains . Still , I 've seen worse . " Okay , I 'll take the job . Payment will be a full saucer of cream , delivered nightly , and mind it 's fresh ! I 'll have none of the waste that you 're thinking of giving to the pigs . " She looked at me , my own puzzlement reflected on her tiny face , and then scampered to the door , and threw it open . " There 's the sign , right enough , hung smack dab on the middle of the door , on May - Eve . " She pointed to my new door wreath . " Did you think no one would answer ? " She stared at me for a moment , and then started to laugh . I 'd never heard such a sound , like a brook chuckling , and butterflies dancing , and bright ribbons waving in the breeze . It was pure merriment . I had to laugh too . I couldn 't help it . " You 've no idea , do you ? Well , that 's just too bad . I was looking for a new situation , and I 've found one ! You 've hung the sign , and invited me in . You kindled your fire anew for me . It 's all signed and sealed , according to the old laws . The contract is made , and now you 're stuck with it ! " She hopped up and skipped over to me , where I 'd collapsed on the couch . As quick and soft as a kitten , she patted me several times on the knee , and said , " It 's okay . You 'll get used to it . But don 't forget the cream , or you 'll wish you 'd never been born ! " Posted on May 21 , 2016May 22 , 2016Categories Short Story , WritingTags May Eve , short story , story , writing2 Comments on May Eve Story Stormy Weather - Short Story I 'm trying something different today . I 've been writing some short stories , and I thought I 'd post one here . It 'll be up no longer than a month , because I 'm going to put it on Kindle etc . , but I 'd really like some feedback first . So if you are so inclined , please let me know what you think , in the comments . If there 's a place you think I should put it , besides Kindle , please let me know that too ! |
Posted on March 23 , 2013 by occhina I slept in till 9 : 30am and called the LJZ driver at 10am asking if he was leaving that afternoon . I had a hard time understanding him , but it sounded like he wasn 't going back that day . Since I was uncertain , I still decided to go to Yongning to check out my options . A private driver drove me there . He was a Black Yi who lived in the Yi village on the other side of Gemu Mountain . I was sleepy , but kept up conversation about the Yi and other minorities that live in the area . When we passed a village , he would say the name of it and which ethnic minority it hosted . I appreciated his willingness to teach me about the area . We reached Yongning within 30 minutes . I thanked him for the ride and got off . I walked up a busy street of shops , minority vendors , and Mosuo women carrying large baskets of crops on their backs . I found a truck that looked similar to the one I took before with PM and Lidy . I asked the people around if the truck was leaving for LJZ that day . The men who were working on a nearby car were uncertain , but said there would be a bus leaving for Wujiao in the afternoon . I could get off early and hike the rest of the way . They also mentioned they knew someone with a motor bike that would take me there for free ! I thought either was fine , and went back to the market to get some lunch and buy vegetables for the LJZ family . While buying cabbage and qicai , I ran into some Lige friends at the market . They were buying vegetables for their barbecue shops . I asked about my two transportation options . They said the hike wouldn 't be that far and motorbike should overall be safe . While one of the guys wished me a safe trip , he noticed some LJZ residents pass by . He mentioned it right when they passed us , which caught their attention . I asked how there were getting back … they said either by truck or bus . We swapped numbers so we could meet up there . I thanked my Lige friend for introducing us . I 'm fortunate to have people that care about me here . I bought vegetables and grabbed some noodles for lunch . I still had a couple hours to kill , so I left the vegetables in the shop and walked around . I passed the men who were working on a car earlier playing pool . I waved , which prompted them to invite me to play a game . I made sure to point out that I 'm not very good . Last time I was here , PM told me that women don 't play pool here . I looked around and saw that there weren 't any woman at all at the tables . I often try not to stand out , since I stand out already , but it 's hard to pass up a good game of pool ! I grabbed a stick and played one - on - one with one of the men . I started off poorly , but after getting in my first ball , I kept getting better . The guy seemed to get over excited and shoot the ball off the table , which brought more of his balls out of the pockets and onto the table . A crowd began to form around us , mainly watching the strange white girl playing pool . At the end , I was winning . I only had to put the 8 - Ball and then win ! The man began to get embarrassed and nervous , which upset his game . I then got the 8 - Ball in and won the game ! The crowd made an " aaaw " sound ( think more old Chinese man saying it , then a girl looking at a cute puppy saying it ) . I got a picture with my adversary . He was a good sport ! I decided it was time to find the bus . I grabbed my veggies and headed to the bus area . I ran into the LJZ men , two people older and one being younger , who told me I still had an hour or so . They let me leave my stuff at their friend 's shop . While they went to the market to eat , I went in the opposite direction to the local temple . I ran into two older men that were going to the temple , who then showed me the way . We cut through fields and finally entered the sanctuary . It was small , but very pretty . The earthquake from the year previous destroyed many parts of the temple , but the local people were able to reconstruct it within the year . Very impressive ! I walked in and out of the many different parts of the temple and then entered the main hall . One of the older men taught me how to enter a Tibetan temple correctly . I walked to the left ( clockwise ) , lit a candle , placed the candle on the front table , then walked clockwise along the glass ( the back wall that has all the god statues ) where I would show my respects . I thanked him for his kindness , sat with him and his friends for a bit before heading back to the bus . I got to the bus in the knick of time . The LJZ men said that we would get off the bus before Wujiao and hike the rest of the way to the village . I was fine with it and joined them for the ride . The bus was crammed with people , bags , supplies , and chickens in boxes . I went in and out of sleep for the duration of the ride … When we passed an Yi village , which I had recognized from the time before , I got off with the guys . We then began our hike to LJZ . We crossed a river , passed multiple villages , and walked along a dirt road for a period of time before we took a long rest . The younger Mosuo man ran off to buy beverages for his buddies and came back with milk for me . I thought that was very kind . They talked amongst themselves while I observed the scenery . Mosuo women worked in the fields or carried their children along the road . They would laugh when they 'd see me and say something to the guys . I just smiled and waved . After the rest , we continued on our way to LJZ . I noticed in the distance dark clouds were rolling in . I mentioned to the guys that it may rain . They laughed it off and said it doesn 't rain this time of the year . About 20 minutes later , a heavy layer of rain fell on us , as well as lightning and thunder booming in all directions . We kept our pace and hoped for the storm to pass quickly . I pretended not to be afraid of the storm , but I was frightened because we were the tallest objects in the flat field at the time . I crossed my fingers the mountains would deter the lightning . The storm passed after an hour and then LJZ became visible in the distance . Before we knew it ( meaning around 2 - 3 hours ) , we were in the village splitting ways to seek our homes . I hoped that the family that hosted me the time before would be okay with me visiting again . I followed familiar trails and finally found the beautiful home once again . I opened the main gate and walked into the courtyard . One of the daughters saw me first and giggled . She ran back to tell her Aunt I was here . I did not have any way of telling them I was coming , so it was unexpected . They were very welcoming and let me into their home . I came in right when there were eating dinner . I ate radish pig soup with rice . I then showed the kids my new drawings and asked them if they could draw for me . Each took there turn as they drew in my sketchbook . It was cool to see what they drew : In Mosuo culture , when a child hits the age of 13 , that is when they have their coming of age ceremony . It is 13 because the number represents the end of the first zodiac cycle in their lives and the beginning of a new one . I watched as she drew herself wearing the skirt and wearing lots of flowers on her shirt , hair , and feet . She was excited and proud to draw the event . The uncle observed us drawing and asked if I could help him do something . I said sure . He scurried away to grab something . He came back a few minutes later with a tote bag . He walked over to me , I was on the lower hearth , and he showed me old paper tablet paintings . He said his grandfather drew them and that they were over 100 years old . They were wearing and tearing at this point . He asked if I could help redraw them . I looked at the beautiful art and said I could try . I asked what they were for . He explained how when the Daba priests perform ceremonies , they hang these up . So , the drawings related to Daba religion - the tablets were ritual art . I also noticed some were of Lamas praying with Tibetan written on them . The Mosuo 's religious life is a combination of the local religion and Tibetan Buddhism . He thanked me and told me he 'd tell me more the next day . I went to bed soon afterwards . I was placed in the same room as before , but this time I 'll be by myself without a twin sister , PM , and Lidy . I 'll be alone for this field trip . I 'm a bit nervous , but look forward to the experience . This is what I 'll be doing for the rest of the year … so I have to get used to it . Posted on March 22 , 2013 by occhina I took the same bus as before from Lijiang to Lugu Lake . I sat next to someone who also was going to Lugu Lake alone , so we became friendly on the ride there . From what he was wearing and his discussion of topics , he gave off a " rich " vibe . I went in and out of sleep , listening to folk music on the way there . Before I knew it , we arrived . I split ways with my Han friend and told him I 'd meet him in Lige later . I first wanted to check out the Mosuo Cultural Museum , and what I believed was also the research center . I payed 50yuan for a tour of the museum , which turned out to be a traditional home , turned - into museum . A young Mosuo boy started the tour and explained his culture with many generalizations : It first began with a demonstration of how men climb up house walls to the girl 's room . He said , " every man does this , and this is how it is done . " He then climbs the wall like Spiderman and opens the window to the " flower room , " the young girl 's room . " Our society does not have marriage , instead we have relationships where men visit their partners at night . Everyone does walking marriage . " I personally know that 's not true because I have Mosuo friends who are married . Also , I 've been visited before in the remote village , and the men didn 't climb any walls because there weren 't any windows ( at least for my case ) . They just came through the front door and walked up to my door . When I mentioned the use of cellphones in Lugu Lake and how that may affect this tradition , the boy just said , " we still do this exactly ( climb walls ) . " I felt like what he was saying was rehearsed to fulfill my expectations and not to teach me . What are the expectations that he assumed I had ? From my previous research , I can guess that he thought my expectations were : A young Mosuo girl then continued the tour to show me the living hall , where the family eats meals and the elders and children sleep . I talked with an older man in the living room that kept on telling funny stories about Dr . Joseph Rock . He was the first westerner to live and do research with the Mosuo , which was in the 1920s . He 's still remembered around the lake . Supposedly , Jospeh Rock brought a large chunk of soap with him to clean himself and his clothes … the soap lasted the entire time around Lugu Lake , which was more than two decades . Dr . Joseph Rock in Mosuo Garb - A Badass The next portion was a hall of pictures taken by Joseph Rock back in the 1920 's . He lived during a time when Mosuo society was stratified with the upper class , middle class , and slaves . Whenever he was pictured , he wore the upper class outfits . He took pictures of the data priests , who had large headdresses and often looked intimidating in the photos as they chanted spells and did ceremonies . He also had shots of festivals and everyday life . The next section showed modern day Lugu Lake through photos and real - life items , like grabs and tools . The Mosuo girl described the importance of the museum items … most of what she said I understood , but I 'm still learning ! At the end was a traditional medicine and gift shop . I was hoping to find a research center or a curator in the process , but to no avail . At least , I was able to observe how the Mosuo perform their culture to a tourist . I then shared a car with four other visitors to Lige . I was a bit nervous that no one would remember me from before … but thank goodness I was wrong ! I was immediately welcomed by the hostel worker , who gave me a discount ! I rested in my room for an hour and then met up with my Han friend for dinner . He was flaunting how he was staying in a room worth 1500yuan a night , which would be around $ 200 . That 's really expensive in China ! We bought tickets for the Lige cultural performance - Flower Room Ballad - that night , which was 220 yuan per ticket . That 's also really expensive ! My friend treated me to dinner before the performance . During dinner , he was talking about how this cultural performance is very important in continuing cultural heritage . It 's the best way to learn about old traditions since most of them have " disappeared . " I had opposite opinions . I know this performance hall was constructed by a private investor and has government relations . Though the performers are locals , what they perform is approved from the upper level - a Han perspective . Therefore , this performance is supposed to entertain and excite the audience - primarily Han Chinese - as well as fit into what they believe is Mosuo culture . They make sure the tourists see what they want to see . It 's also an opportunity for the audience to ' witness ' walking marriage , since it can 't be observed in real life around Lugu Lake . Therefore , this is the audience 's chance to get a glimpse of sex life in Lugu Lake , which is a big reason why they came in the first place . Alas , I didn 't really speak out my mind . I let him do the talking , I was more interested in what he was saying . He also believed that the airport that will be constructed by this year is going to " break " the environment and the culture . That 's why he came now . I also have mixed feelings on the airport , but I would prefer to have my opinions be from the locals than my biased perspective . After getting to know my friend better , I realized he was a good example of a male , rich Han perspective . After I finished eating the tofu dish ( he didn 't eat , his hotel owner cooked for him ) , we joined the line in front of the hall . We were filed in and seated on weaved basket stools . I pulled out my notebook and started taking notes . The ticket seller had told us earlier he 'd like to treat us to barbecue after the performance . I took up the offer and dragged my friend with me to find him . We joined him to my friend 's barbecue shop . I was happy to know the BBQ boss remembered me . We also ran into another friend , YE , who then joined us at the table . I was so content to know I left a good impression before . We talked about the airport some more , sang songs , and ate barbecued foods . YE performed for everyone and was hilarious . He kept singing to me too , which was fun . I then sang love songs to him back , which added more energy to the crowd . My friend kept on bringing up money , his expensive hotel , his plane ticket , money money money , which seemed to both the others . I also found it a bit annoying , but I kept silent to see how everyone reacted . One of the barbecue shop owners was very direct in saying how he 's too careless with his money . My friend would defend himself , but it didn 't seem to work . I bet the barbecue owner must get characters like him all the time … I 'd get sick of them too ! Afterwards , I moved with YE to another barbecue place where I got to know local Mosuo women and his best friends , who were of the Yi minority . I sang some more and listened to the locals have singing competitions . I noticed one of the singers I was friendly with before was avoiding me . He confessed his love to me the previous visit , which I rejected politely , but it seemed to still affect him . I thought he was joking before . I think he 's 40 years old … why would he think I 'd accept to do walking marriage with him ? I wonder if this is a problem for female researchers in Lugu Lake ? When it got late , I said my goodbyes and went back to the hostel . I planned to go to the remote village again , LJZ , the next day . I would stay there for a week to observe a ceremony and see the family I stayed with before . Posted on February 27 , 2013 by occhina That morning , Molly and I both felt a bit better , so after breakfast , we joined PM and Lidy to help build another house . We mixed dirt , soaked the dirt , shoveled it into baskets , and put it in the wooden contraption to compact it into a sturdy wall . We did this until second breakfast . After second breakfast , Molly and I felt a little queazy , so we headed back to the host 's home and took a long nap . I woke up in the late afternoon and felt much better . I heard we were having a big dinner at the house , but that wouldn 't be for couple of hours . I also was told the young boy " knows all the pretty places " in the area . I asked if he 'd mind taking me on a walk and showing me the village . We was super excited and also brought his new butterfly toy . It had a pole and a butterfly on the bottom with wheels . While walking , you would put it in front of you and roll it . The wings moved while it rolled . We set off down the hill to the fields . We got back to home with time to spare for dinner , so I drew in the courtyard as guests slowly started trickling in . Each would look over my shoulder and see what I was drawing - the courtyard . They were impressed . Lidy and PM came back from working on the house . We all entered the living area and joined the festivities . This is the inside of the living area . The picture above is of the lower hearth , the picture below is of the upper hearth . The room is lit by a hanging metal basket with dry wood on fire . Since we are considered as respected guests , we ate with the men first . After dinner , the women came in and ate . We hung out with them till the late hours . It was a good way to end the stay . The four of us would return to Lugu Lake where we 'd catch a bus and head back to Lijiang . Lidy needed to go back home in Guangdong and Molly and I needed to get back to Kunming . I would be leaving for Taiwan in a couple days for the Fulbright Mid - Year Conference . The next morning , I felt a lot better , but my stomach still felt like a squished up raisin . I felt like I was not going to eat anything today or even for the rest of the week . I walked downstairs to the main living where I found the family , Lidy , and PM eating breakfast . I sat on a mat next to Lidy and faked eating rice . Molly felt sick to her stomach today , so she didn 't join us . After breakfast , PM and Lidy were at a loss . They didn 't know who to visit or what to do . Their goal for this visit to LJZ was to collect local songs - the two of them would be considered ethnomusicologists . They decided to meet with an old friend up the dirt road . I walked with them , when all of a sudden they stopped in surprise . The house next door had been half demolished . They walked in and asked what happened . The family told them the earthquake from the year previous destroyed parts of the house , and they finally had time to rebuild . They were rebuilding the main living area , but the two stories of rooms were still intact . We asked if we could help them out and they agreed . Sometimes the families are too polite to allow guests to help with construction , but fortunately they were okay with it ! We hiked up our sleeves and began shoveling dirt into baskets , soaking the dirt with water , collecting stones , and compacting the dirt in a wooden contraption that made walls : We did this for the rest of the afternoon with breaks between where we ate second breakfast , lunch , and second lunch … I felt like I was in the Shire ! Too bad I could barely eat any of it . During the lunch breaks , I would observe PM talk with the locals . At one point , she was talking with a revered Daba priest , who lived in the household . She was asking him if there are any songs about building a house . In the next moment , the Daba priest started singing a song Lidy and PM had never heard before . The song is sung when the house is almost done . It is often when the men compact the dirt with the tools pictured above . I do not have the lyrics , but he helped us translate the meaning . It was about pounding the dirt and pulling out the earthworms from the earth … ~ A lay lay , A lay lay ~ We clapped after the performance and soon found ourselves back outside doing work again . We worked until it began to get dark . Someone mentioned that there was smoke in the distance . We looked up to the sky and saw a stream of black smoke rising behind the nearby mountain . The fire looked close . We asked what locals do about fires , but they said not to worry . Whenever there is a fire , the population that lives in that vicinity takes care of it . Since the fire was behind the mountain range , it wasn 't LJZ locals ' problem . However , the Yi minority live on that side , so it is their responsibility to extinguish it . It still made PM and me a bit uneasy . What if the fire spread over the mountain ? We finished the first layer of foundation and then headed out to another home for supper . Before going to the home , I checked on Molly . She was not interested in going . I gave her some more water and hurried to dinner . It is impolite to come late . Before leaving , I took this shot of our host 's home : To the left that is not pictured is the home 's temple . In and around Lugu Lake , locals believe in both Tibetan Buddhism and the Daba religion . The temple was a Tibetan Buddhist shrine . To the right that is not pictured are the second story rooms that PM , Lidy , Molly , and I were staying in . I walked downstairs and found one of the daughters . While she was asking where I was going , one of the elder sisters called out to her child and Lidy ( who was also at the home ) . We found the elder sister outside of the front door looking up to the sky in fright . She hesitantly pointed at the orange moon . She had never seen an orange moon before and told Lidy that maybe it would be best not to leave the home tonight . The elder sister thought the changing in the moon was very ominous . Their society circles around the moon and lunar calendar . Their lives and the moon are in cycle . I told Lidy that the moon was orange because of the smoke from the fire . The smoke was distorting the moon , changing it into another color . The daughter translated that to her mother , who still felt unnerved , but allowed us to leave for dinner . We raced down to the lower edge of the village to the other home . The matriarch ushered us in and showed us where to sit , at the lower hearth , with a roomful of men . PM , Lidy , and I were the only women sitting in the living area , besides the sisters who were making the food . Since we were considered as primarily " guests " and not " women , " we ate with the men . The women and children would eat the leftovers afterwards . However , a grandmother ( a highly respected figure in the household ) entered the room and sat next to me . She overrode the " women and children " category . I wish I understood Mosuo language because she was making the entire room laugh . At one point , I asked what he name was : I responded , " that 's a really pretty name ! " She was a bit confused with my response and laughed . I guess what I said cannot be translated well into the Mosuo language . They don 't say things like that … so she decided to play with my response . " Well , for this very moment , I 'm Living Buddha Namu , and I bequeath you the name , Namu . " The entire room was exploding with laughter . I was laughing too because the grandmother was acting very dramatic . I thanked Namu Living Buddha for the name . My first name in the Mosuo language now is Namu . I do not have a last name yet . Most of the men in the village speak Mandarin . This is because they had worked in cities in their youth . We chatted with them and each other for the duration of dinner . I do not remember exactly what we talked about , but I do remember the men being very keen in answering any of our questions . They are all so friendly ! The young men sat in the back of the room and chatted with themselves , except for when they would look over at us and giggle . I had a feeling we would have visitors again tonight . When the men finished eating , they said their goodbyes and headed back to either their natal homes or their partner 's homes . In this culture , men stay in their female partner 's home at night and come back to their natal home in the morning . In their natal homes , they most likely have their own room , but it may be next to the pig pen or not very well maintained . The women , however , are given the better rooms , so that they can receive visitors . When the men left , the remaining women and children came in and ate with us . It felt like a weight was lifted from their shoulders because the room was suddenly filled with the chatter and laughter of women and children . We chatted with them for the rest of the night . When we thought it was getting a tad late , we thanked the family for the feast and headed back home around 10pm . Before going to bed , I asked PM and Lidy if men visit Molly and I tonight , would it be okay if I brought them to their room and chatted with them ? Molly was not feeling up to dealing with visitors that night . They said it would be fine . Later , while I was writing in my journal , I heard footsteps in the courtyard and then heard the creaking of the wooden stairs . They came back . The brick was knocked over once more . I turned over to find four young men again . They seemed a bit more courageous with the help of some beers . They said their hellos and asked if they could sit down . They mentioned they wanted to see the twins . I translated for Molly , who was hiding under her covers saying " Mu ni , Mu ni ( No way , No way ) . " But , Molly said it was okay to give them a quick look and then popped her head out of the covers . I walked over and showed them how we looked very similar . The boys were in awe , they had never seen twins before ! After that , I escorted them to PM and Lidy 's room , where we continued conversation for more than an hour . It was fun to talk with them with PM … she likes to joke around . In the end , of course we didn 't " walk marriage , " so we politely rejected the boy 's requests . They were perfectly okay with the rejection and left . They seemed to have enjoyed the conversation and I did too . Posted on February 24 , 2013 by occhina I won 't go into too much detail about how sick I was … but it was a tireless night of food poisoning , primarily with my body retching everything out of my stomach . After 4a . m . , my body finally felt complacent enough to give me some shut eye . The next morning , I could barely move from how tired I was . Molly took care of me ( somehow she didn 't get sick … yet ! ) and helped out in the fields with the family . I , on the other hand , shriveled up in my bed and felt like dying . Later in the morning , I was suddenly woken up by PM . She was holding bark in her hand . The family had told her that this bark was gifted to them from the living Buddha and that it had medicinal , spiritual powers . She asked if I would eat it . I nearly vomited just thinking about it . She understood and broke a chunk off and put it in my pocket , pretending that I ate some of it . She then left . I closed my eyes just to be disturbed again from my slumber by her . She brought a fireplace tool which was holding burning coals that smelt of something awful . The family told her that a powder was also gifted to them from the living Buddha and that smelling it in burning coals would make me feel better . PM did not fully believe in the powers of these gifts , but she was doing this to respect the host family 's wishes . I smelt it … it was a combination of smoke , ginger , and something that I could not tell . She then gave me the spiritual bark , which the family gifted to me . I guess this is one way of experiencing local culture : getting sick ! When she left , I finally got some shut eye . I slept for the entire morning and most of the afternoon . I finally found some strength to get up . I walked out of the door and looked down to the courtyard to find the family , PM , Molly , and Lidy in the courtyard trying on traditional Mosuo garb . When I came down , they asked if I wanted to try it on . I agreed and weakly put it on . When taking pictures , I smiled the best I could … it was hard . How do I look ? The dress was quite heavy . I went back to my bed and slept some more . The family members kept visiting me during my naps , asking if I wanted to eat anything . I had to reject all their requests . My body was cleansing its entire system and did not want to eat anything . I woke up in the late afternoon to go to the bathroom . When I came back from the backyard ( which was our toilet , no walls , no stalls , just the grass and dirt in the backyard ) , the grandma was weaving rope in the corner . When she saw me , she beckoned me over in Mosuo language . I walked over to find a pile of wedding candy next to her . She handed me one . It was the first thing that looked appetizing . I immediately put the sugary goodness in my mouth . It really hit the spot . I motioned with my hands that I really liked it ( she doesn 't speak Mandarin and I don 't speak Mosuo ) . She smiled and I went on my way back to my room . The next time I woke up , I found a pile of candy next to me . I knew exactly who gave it to me … She was so sweet ! Before it got dark , I found PM , Lidy , and Molly watching a family and their neighbors building a house . They asked if we wanted to help them . PM and Lidy jumped to the occasion , whereas Molly and I stayed back . Molly was starting to get sick too . I watched for a bit longer . I noticed that the older Mosuo men and women were congenial with each other , as they talked and laughed . However , the younger men ( I did not see any younger women ) were shy and did not speak . They would once and a while glance over at us , the foreigners . There are many taboos in this society that I am only starting to become conscious of : 1 ) young men don 't talk to young women in the day , 2 ) women wear long sleeves and long pants , don 't show skin , 3 ) men don 't sing unless for occasion , 4 ) discussion of sexual relations / sex is hidden and not spoken of ( unless with close friends of the same gender ) . These are the ones that have come to my attention . When I was in the village , it seemed like everything I did went against social norms . PM would have to approach me and laugh at how I 'm being so different ( taking off my sweatshirt to only wearing a T - shirt , etc . ) . If I want to do research here , I will have to change a lot about my behavior . I have to sit like a girl , dress appropriately ( long pants and long sleeves ) , follow customs for women ( eat on the lower hearth or eat after the men have eaten , etc . ) . Molly and I went back to the house to rest before dinner . I decided that though I still did not want to eat , that I should spend time with the family . They were very worried about me the entire day . For them , when someone is sick , it is a serious matter . Many people die from sickness here . They were so worried that they almost beckoned a local Daba priest to pray for me … that would have been interesting , but I 'm glad s / he didn 't come . That would have been a bit embarrassing ! Praying for my diarrhea to go away ? Is that how it works ? When dinner time came , Molly decided to instead rest in our room . I went down and sat on the lower hearth with Lidy and PM , while the three sisters and the children sat on the upper hearth . The grandmother was behind the lower hearth on a bed resting . The upper and lower hearth both have fire pits with pots , the upper pot was for food , while the lower pot was for boiling water . They handed us bowls of rice and gave us a selection of meats and soup . I swallowed down a little soup broth , but that was all I could muster . I listened to PM and Lidy speak in Mosuo to the sisters ( they do not speak Mandarin ) . My primary form of communication was with the children , who spoke a little Mandarin . At one point in the night , I showed the children my drawings . They were so excited and for the rest of dinner , they were asking me to draw about everything ( cow , pig , grandmother , cat , dog , etc . ) . They were telling me to draw things that are a part of their everyday lives . It was cool to see what comes to their mind … how far do their imaginations go ? The children included two girls and a boy . The boy is such a rascal ! After dinner , we all headed back to our rooms . Before entering mine , PM mentioned that we may have " visitors " tonight . I thought she was joking and laughed it off . I went to sleep to only be woken up at around 12am by our door opening ( the brick that was holding our door closed was knocked over ) . I groggily got up and turned on my headlamp to find four young Mosuo men in our room . They sheepishly said " hello " and asked if they could sit down and chat . Molly and I were both sick , so I had to politely ask them to leave due to our illness . In the end , I said " come another day . " They were very understanding and left . Before falling back to sleep , I thought how if four men entered my room without my consent in the U . S . , I would have screamed and called the police , but here I told them to come back another day . This form of relationships is very different from what I 'm accustomed to on the Western hemisphere ! I really hoped they would come back . In the day , I have no way of talking to them , but at night … that taboo is lifted . The entire room of four bunks woke up to the banging of symbols and drums at five in the morning . We were sharing a room with the French anthropologist , PM , and a Chinese girl in her twenties . The drums and symbols would come in intervals of around three minutes … just like the snooze on an alarm clock . But , this alarm clock could not be turned off . I rolled around multiple times until I gave up falling back asleep and got up . From underneath her sheets , PM told us this was a New Year 's ritual . The monks came all the way from the temple to bless each household in the area . The intervals were the monks walking to the next household . Molly ( who had waken up too ) and I both thought it was pretty cool to hear their system of entering the New Year . However , the Chinese girl on PM 's top bunk was not having it . She was whining and crying , saying how they could be making such a racket so early in the morning . PM explained to her it was a ceremony , but she didn 't care . She wanted to go back to sleep . This is a small example of the difference between Western and Chinese tourists . Chinese tourists often seek comfort when they travel . So , even though this Chinese girl was experiencing a unique introduction to Mosuo culture , she didn 't care . It didn 't even cross her mind . I think Western backpackers would instead wake up and investigate - like what Molly and I did ! We got dressed and walked out onto the dark cobblestone street . I saw that the mountain range in the distance had a thin layer of gold peaking through . The sun would rise soon . The monks had moved away from the hostel and were hidden in the alleyways . We could still hear the clanging of drums and symbols as it bounced off the houses and mountains . We then moved towards the lakeshore and awaited the sun rise . Afterwards , we joined an Algerian for some breakfast . We talked about being foreigners in China . He lived in Beijing pursuing a Ph . D at one of the universities . We then brought up stereotypes . Molly and I joked around with our American identities as we throw in obnoxious accents while talking to him . He laughed and talked about how people don 't normally have a fundamental understanding of Islam in China , or even in the US . Bouncing of this , Molly brought up a funny story that I thought I would share : When I was in elementary school , there was a girl named Rukia . One day at lunch , I sat next to her and started devouring my lunch . I noticed she didn 't have anything in front of her , so I thought I would share my sandwich and applesauce . But , Rukia said she couldn 't eat because it was a special holiday . I was flabbergasted and responded , " There 's a holiday where you DON ' T EAT ? ! What kind of holiday is that ? " She explained to be the meaning of Ramadan . I thought it was cool , and also she got out of lunch early to go to recess … so I did it with her for the rest of the week ! The Algerian thought that was really funny . He then brought up the tensions in the Middle East and the influence of the " Arab Spring . " He also talked about North Africa 's and Middle East 's relationship with Israel . I do not normally have the opportunity to talk to people from this part of the world , so I thought it was great to listen to his side of the issue . He was a very friendly man , I would never imagine him being cold , or impolite to anyone . But , he said that he would not be friendly with an Israeli . Algeria and Israel 's relationship is very contentious , which showed in his response . I thought about what he said and realized that I do not have any of those kinds of feelings towards a country 's people . No matter where someone is from , or what they believe , I would treat them the same . So , hearing this from someone so friendly and understanding , was eye - opening . That kind of feeling of animosity is something I do not understand . I grew up in a country where the media promoted hatred between " us " ( the US ) and the " Muslim World , " but that never affected me . I wonder how Algerian media represents Israel ? What led to such contentious relations to the point that the Algerian man can 't even talk to an Israeli ? This may be something I 'll need to investigate after studying Chinese culture . The Middle East and North Africa is a part of the world I am not familiar with at all . Next language on my list : Arabic ! It was time to meet PM at the hostel . We said our goodbyes , shared numbers , and went on our ways . PM invited us to join her and her good friend / informant , Lidy , to a remote village that was 3 - 4 hours away from Lugu Lake . We joined them and their friend , who owned a car , to the neighboring small city , Yongning , where we would catch a truck to the village . We had a couple of hours to spare , so we walked around the market and talked with locals . Afterwards , we sat in the sun , waiting and waiting for the truck to come . He finally did and we were off to the remote village of LJZ . We bumped along a dirt road for 3 hours , stopping at places where he dropped off supplies to other villages . At one point , we stopped at an Yi village . I hopped off to find a nice grassy area to go to the bathroom and then walked around the village . I ran into older Yi women who were wearing large black headdresses . The headdresses are so eye - catching … large , black fabric creates circle behind their heads . Their black garb matches with the headdress , which adds to the aesthetic . It 's really a beautiful outfit . I did a full circle around the village until I reached the truck again . That was our last stop until the final destination , LJZ . We finally made it to the village right before sunset . PM and Lidy led us to the house we would be staying in … it was beautiful : two stories with a courtyard in the middle ! The family had just finished dinner and ushered us in . We ate dried pork and fish in a soup , potatoes , and rice . We were then escorted to our rooms where Molly and I fell asleep like babies … it was a long day ! We woke up early that morning to set off and enjoy the day . We drove around and stopped whenever we felt like it . This was a great group to go with . I became closest with the driver , who is the man to the left of me in the picture . We stopped at all the popular tourist spots ( sister 's tree , lover 's tree , the walking marriage bridge , and the local temple ) . At the shrine , we ran into an anthropologist who was waiting for the living Buddha to come and bless the visitors . She became interested in my research and was more than willing to help introduce me to her friends and her own research . We could had talked for hours , but the group of friends wanted to keep going on the ride . She said she would be in Lige the next day , so we would see her then . I was so happy to find an experienced anthropologist in the field ! I basically throw myself into this field of study without much extended experience beforehand , so having some sort of guidance in doing fieldwork was a high priority for me . I looked forward to seeing her . We then were off again . The next stop was the Walking Marriage Bridge , which is a lively tourist spot . I do not know the specific story of the bridge , but supposedly this was a place where lovers would meet at night . Now it is mainly preoccupied with Chinese tourists with expensive Nikon cameras and a random pair of foreign twins . Who knows … maybe couples still meet there at night ? But , most likely not . Nowadays , locals have cell phones , so meeting in secret at night is not necessary . They can just send texts to each other and meet in the other 's home . Also , marriage has become more common in the area . Research has shown that the majority of the population still participates in walking marriage , but it is not done in the traditional way : such as , a man secretly coming into the woman 's house by window or back door . While in Lige , I did meet a few married Mosuo couples . Lugu Lake is located in a large valley within the Himalayas , so agriculture is convenient . For this reason , food is not an issue for the local population . However , because of the booming tourism industry , the once agriculturally - based economic system is being overridden by tour buses , restaurants , hotels , and barbecue shops . This isn 't necessarily a bad thing . This change in the economic systems has led to a more stable economy for the local population , which has led to improving schools and living standards . However , this change does influence the continuation of traditions , such as walking marriage , singing , and art ( weaving , etc . ) . These kind of conflicts is one portion of my research that I need to be aware of and think over . We arrived back to Lige and said goodbye to our new friends . I planned to see the driver back in Lijiang . We went back to the barbecue place for dinner , but during our meal , we left early to see the nightly bonfire party . Molly was feeling a bit queazy , so she stayed on the benches while I planned to dance around with local performers . Lige 's best singer , Anu , was there . We recognized each other from the night before and playfully joked with each other before starting the show . We first danced around the fire . We held onto each other 's shoulders and hands while we shook ours legs back and forth . After the round of dancing , we then began the Mosuo tradition of duige , singing back and forth ( same as what I did the other night ) . First , the Mosuo women sang to all the tourists . Anu helped lead the tourists in singing popular Chinese love songs back to them . We sang back and forth , until they asked for one male tourist to sing to one Mosuo woman . A cocky , drunk man stumbles in front and belts out of tune a Chinese song , forgetting lyrics in the process . The women were not impressed . They ran up to him , picked him up and put him over the fire , warming his ass . They then set him back down ( they do this for this bonfire every night , which I didn 't know ) . I was a bit uneasy because I wanted to be the next singer - will they do that to me ? Anu called for a woman to sing , then looked straight at me and smiled . I stepped out and awaited for a Mosuo man to sing to me . The men seemed very disinterested in the entire event , so none really were excited to sing . A few of the women kicked one in front of me . I guess they do this bonfire every night … I would find it boring too ! The man sang a Mosuo song to me . He then moved back to the fire to warm his hands . First , I said to everyone I would sing an English song . I then asked the man to look back at me for the competition . The women laughed because I was very direct . I would like my partner to be looking at me while I sang ! I then sang the first few verses of " Home " by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros . I am not much of a singer , but I belted the song , trying to stay in key . In the middle of my performance , an older Mosuo woman approached me and sang with me . She didn 't know the song , nor spoke English , but she must have really liked the melody . It was something very different from anything she had heard before . When I sang " Hoooome , " she would too , and then carry on in the Mosuo language . We sang together until I finished . It was a very magical moment . Everyone cheered , which brought me back to real life . I was still enchanted by the women 's voice and how we connected through song . After that , the bonfire party was over . I looked for the older Mosuo woman , but she disappeared . I wanted to know what she was singing … I 've decided that I am going to sing as my way of building relationships with the locals , as well as draw and learn the local language . While I 'm at the lake , I am keeping myself very available and open - minded . I 'm also being more extroverted . I hope I 'm building a good reputation there ! |
This time we showed up a good 4 hours before sunset . We ate at the restaurant on the beach , then sat in the water until the tide came in . When it was almost sunset we got out of the water and sat on the cement steps leading to the sea . Right before the sunset I noticed that my shoes were a bit sandy . I wanted to rinse them off in the ocean water before I put them on . I stepped on the last step above the water , which was beginning to get flooded . There was a patch of slick moss under my foot and before I realized that I was falling , I was on the ground with one leg under me and the other awkwardly reaching out into the water . I got up and I felt no pain initially . In a few seconds there were streams of blood running down my right leg . I rinsed it off with the salt water so I could see the wound . It was not too bad . I enjoyed the sunset as I bled . So , I 've been living in Japan for almost a year now and that 's a total of almost 2 years of my life spent in Japan . But still I speak very little Japanese . Don 't feel bad Japan , I grew up with 2 Spanish - speaking parents and still have no idea what the heck Speedy Gonzales says . It 's not you , it 's me . I basically learn just what is needed for me to survive . This is why I can order food in Korean , I can say , " Fill - her - up , " in Japanese , and say bad things about your mother in Spanish . But I can 't ask about the weather in any language other than English . Before we went to Matama beach we pitched our tent and Mark sprayed it down with Scotch Guard to make it more water proof . The last time we were camping , the tent leaked so this needed to be done . Before we left the apartment we saw that a typhoon was heading our way . The storm would hit Oita Monday night , so we didn 't cancel our trip . The Scotch Guard would help us if it started to rain a couple of days before the storm . Just to get something straight before I continue . I do not recommend camping during a Typhoon , or even a tropical storm . A tent is not good shelter from anything other than mild rain . We checked the weather forecast before heading out and we knew that we were good for camping until Monday evening . By then we were safely back in our apartment by Monday night . I grew up on the island of St . Croix in the U . S . Virgin Islands . As a kid I loved hurricanes . It usually meant that my parents would let me stay up late to see what was going on . The electricity would sometimes go out , and my mom would bring out her kerosene lantern . We would sit in the living room listening to the radio . I would curl up in a blanket on the sofa next to my mom or dad as the wind whistled outside . The reception on the radio would crackle as the fire in the lantern danced about . I loved the sound of the radio snow over the howling of the wind along with the smell of the burning kerosene . I would go to bed hoping that school would be cancelled the next day . Usually , nothing more than a couple of trees or telephone polls would be knocked down . Most of the time , I and many other kids , would be in school the following morning making up tales of people blown away in the winds . The hurricanes , would either just miss us and only dump rain on us , get down graded to a tropical storm , or turn away from us completely . My first real hurricane was Hugo . Few people on the island were prepared for the disaster Hugo would bring . The morning of September 17 , 1989 I was excited . It was a Sunday . Not only was my piano lessons for that day cancelled because of the hurricane , but so was school the next day . I hated piano lessons ! My family and I went to the crowded grocery store where everyone was buying the hurricane essentials , batteries , water , canned food … I , for one , was thrilled . The air was filled with hurricane anticipation as everyone , excited about the hurricane , talked about what they thought about the storm . The afternoon we and all our neighbors prepared for the hurricane . I remember my parents arguing about some sand we had in the back yard . My parents were fixing up the house , so my father bought some sand with which to make cement . My father said that it wasn 't necessary to cover the sand with tarp . " Would you cover the whole beach with tarp ? " Mom - " No but the beach gets its sand from the ocean . If some sand gets blown away , more will wash up on shore the next day . I 'm telling you , if you don 't cover the sand , it will be gone by tomorrow . " My mother was the only one , who seemed uneasy . Everyone else was looking forward to a little excitement and a day off that Monday . This would be the biggest hurricane the island had seen in over 60 years , so schools and businesses had already announced that they would be closed on Monday . My mom walked around like Cassandra warning people that this hurricane would not be any fun if it did hit St . Croix . She lived through hurricane Hattie when it hit her home town of Belize City , Belize . " We were excited , just like you are now . " My mom made my dad take extra precautions . They parked the cars closer to the house and away from the trees in the backyard . They took in anything that could be taken indoors . The hurricane was supposed to hit late that night , so I was surprised , when at 6 : 00 pm I could see the bushes in the yard in front of ours laying down because of the wind . " Wow , I didn 't know wind could do that ! " My mom dryly replied , " This hurricane hasn 't even started yet . " I wanted to stay up , but my parents made me go to bed around 9 : 00 pm . I 'm not sure how long I was asleep , but sometime that night my father woke me up . " Come , we have to go to the living room . " I was a little groggy , but I got up and followed him . He seemed worried and agitated . As we passed my bathroom , I stopped . " Can I used the bathroom first ? " I asked , only out of respect . I didn 't really think he would say no . He hesitated , looking back down the hall where we had just come . He seemed to be thinking it over . " Make it quick . " I didn 't understand what was going on . I was a kid and I was too sleepy to care . When we got to the living room my mom was sitting on the floor with her flash light . The electricity was out . I started to remember the hurricane . " Are we camping out in the living room ? " This seemed like fun . My dad took my hand and a flash light and led me back down the hallway . My parents ' bedroom door was closed . " One quick look , then we have to go back to the living room . " I could not imagine what could be in their bedroom that would cause them to spend the night in the living room . He opened the door . I could hear the wind outside screaming around the house , but everything looked normal . He closed the door . " What ? I didn 't see anything . " He opened the door again , but this time he turned on the flash light . I followed the spot of light with my eyes . It moved from the floor , onto the bed , then up the wall . There was a gap between where the wall ended and the roof began . The roof was moving up and down . " Wow ! Do you think that could happen in my room ? " My room was across the hall from my parents ' . " It is happening in your room . That 's why we woke you up . " I didn 't believe him . I was asleep in that room not more than 10 minutes ago . If my roof was dancing , I think I would have noticed . He open my bed room door to show me . Sure enough , the roof was bobbing up and down like a play thing of the wind . I felt sick . I sat in the living feeling cold on the inside . The roof of my bed room was being pulled off the house as I slept . I was right under it and I didn 't even know . What if my parent slept as deeply as I did ? We tried to get some sleep . Just when I had calmed down I heard a crash . The chandelier on the living room ceiling came crashing down inches from my mom 's head . I began to think how lucky that was . If she have been hit , there would be no way of getting her to the hospital any time soon . After that I could not sleep . I sat there rocking myself as my parents tried to sleep . My mom kept telling me that everything would be okay . From her tune of voice , I knew that she didn 't believe what she said . My stomach didn 't feel so well . Sometime after that we heard a big woosh sound . My dad went to look at the rooms down the hall . I followed too . My parents let me . I guess they thought that my imagination was too active and I would be less afraid if I saw what was going on , then if I didn 't . We looked into my parents ' bedroom . The roof was gone . The bed , clothes , and other things in the room were spinning around as if being stirred with a giant invisible spoon . " This can 't be good , " I said to myself . We all went back to the living room to wait out the rest of the storm . No one tried to sleep now . I don 't know what was going on in my parents ' heads , but my mind was buzzing . " What is tomorrow going to be like ? My parents will have to sleep in the living room until the roof over their room is fixed . Maybe we 'll have to get a new house . " Sometime after that we heard the woosh sound again . It was the roof over my bedroom . We just sat there . We did not feel the need to look . I knew that all my things were gone . Later the winds died down . My dad went outside the check on the cars . He wanted to walk down the street to see what happened to the neighborhood , but my mom wouldn 't let him . " That was just the first half . Now the wind will come in the other direction . We should really move to the other side of the house , but … " I had never heard of an " eye of a storm " before . I don 't think I was the only one , because later I heard stories of people going out during the eye thinking everything was over , only to be caught outdoors when the second part of the storm began . I don 't know how true any of those stories were . Maybe they thought the eye would last longer than it did and didn 't have enough time to get back indoors . When the storm started again we sat in the living room . No one spoke a word . The winds roared outside mocking us . It moved like a monster trying to rip open our home to get at us . I looked up at the roof on the other side of the room . " Mom , this roof is going to go . " My mom shone her flashlight where the roof and wall met . It looked normal . There wasn 't even a crack on the wall . " I think it will be fine . " Half an hour later , as I was staring at the roof , it just lifted up . It broke apart in the air and disappeared into the dark windy night . It even took the lighting fixtures with it . I don 't remember the sound it made . I just sat there , looking at it go , blown away like paper . The blackness of the night came in my house and it brought rain . I was getting wet . I felt really sick and I really needed to pee . Even though the bathroom was right across the hall , my mom would not let me leave the room . There was an orange tub that she used to bathe me in when I was a baby . She gave it to me and told me to take it to the closet and pee in it . I went to the closet and sat over the basin , but I could not pee . I was just really scared . Houses in the Caribbean don 't have basements . Under our houses , we have cisterns , where we keep the water from the rain that falls on the roof . We use this water to flush the toilets and for showering . I did hear of a family who , after losing their roof and most of their walls , spent this hurricane standing in their half empty cistern . They must have opened some sort of lever to keep the water flowing out the cistern so it would not fill up and drown them all . Mr . Ash was our next door neighbor . I had been over to his house countless times to play with his oldest daughter Kizzy . The family lived on the second floor and Mr . Ash worked on the first floor . He made and improved houses for a living . He had his own business . He designed his house . The first floor of the Ash house was his office . It looked like a smaller version of a hardware store . There were tools , machines , and equipment on this floor of the Ash residence . Kizzy , her sister and brother , me , and all the other kids in the neighborhood were never allowed on the first floor . So of course , we were always trying to get in . The family lived upstairs . There were steps that went from their front garden to the second floor , completely bypassing the ground floor . I don 't even think there was a way to go from the first to second floor without going outside . I didn 't want to go . It wasn 't so much that I was afraid of walking out in the storm . The dangers of that only occurred to me years later . I didn 't want to see the living room without its roof again . In the spare bed room , nothing had changed . It looked like it did before the hurricane . Its roof was still on . Its floor was still dry . Everything in the room was as it should have been . Outside the room was complete disorder . And the storm was just about halfway passed . Later we would find out that the hurricane was moving very slowly . Although the winds were moving at 140 mph the storm itself was moving at about 3 or 4 mph . I remember my dad using his car to show me how fast 3 mph was . " I can run faster than this ! " My parents each held onto one of my forearms . I was given a hat and jacket and was told to cover my face and keep my head down . The wind was so strong , I remember , that it stung my face . It was very hard to walk because the winds made putting my foot on the ground almost impossible . We got over to the Ashs ' house and their gate was latched but unlock , like it usually was . They had 2 big , mean looking dogs , Blackman and Whiteman , that guarded the house , but they were indoors for the storm . We opened the gate and closed it behind us . We got to their downstairs door and started yelling and banging on the door . My mom prayed that they would hear us . We stood out there for a minute or two wondering if we had made a huge mistake . When the door open , I fell in . I sat on the floor in complete shock . I could not stop shaking . I threw up and kept throwing up even though my stomach was empty . I saw Kizzy and her brother and sister . They looked scared too , but they were not in the state I was in . Mrs . Ash , kept bringing me water and asked if I needed anything , but I just wanted to be alone with my vomit bucket . I move to a corner where I fell asleep . The next day I woke up on the floor . My bucket was gone and so were my parents . I sat there thinking , " I 'm homeless . I don 't have a home anymore . Where am I going to sleep tonight ? " Mrs . Ash told me that my parents went to do something for the house . She tried to feed me cereal , but I could not eat . We walked through the house . It did not look familiar . Everything was thrown about and wet . The only glimmer of hope for me was that , among all the soaked and bloated items floating around our house , was the piano . Well , it didn 't float . My mom sat on its bench which sagged a bit and threatened to give out . She stood up and tapped a key . It groaned like a dying cat . " Oh no , not the piano . I wanted to have at least one child learn to play the piano well . " Days later when we loaded up a borrowed truck of our things to be taken to Anguilla , the dumpsite , I happily tossed part of that piano bench in . Did I mention that I hated that piano ? My parents looked at the roof suspiciously . It was a completely intact roof , laying galvanize side down . All it was missing was the rest of its house . " That 's not our roof . " my mom said . I looked at the thing . It was smaller than our house and it was the wrong shape . Besides , we didn 't lose our whole roof , just the bits in the front and the bits in the back . Many of our neighbors roofs were missing but none had a roof like that . Mr . Ash came over , along with other neighbors and they butchered that roof . Parts of it went on our house , Mr . Ash 's house , and other neighbors ' houses to keep the rain out . There was a small tropical storm coming and it rained the entire next day . The tropical storm was Gabrielle , formally hurricane Gabrielle , but by the time she got to us , she was weak and old and only delivered rain . She would have never even stayed in my mind , if my house had a roof . But when she came every Cruzan was listening to the weather forecast on his or her radio like it was the latest gossip . Thankfully , our radios still worked . They were our only connection to the outside world . We had no electricity and the phones were down . The day after Hugo we stay glued to the radio as we tried to clean up what we could . I remember that the governor at the time , Alexander Farrelly who lived on St . Thomas , got on the air and told the world that the US Virgin Islands were all oaky . Those of us on the island of St . Croix were shocked . Apparently , the island of St . Thomas was not hit as severely . But since we , on St . Croix , had no electricity or any means of contact to the outside world , the governor assumed that no news was good news . Later he would have to retract his statement and ask President Bush , not only for aid for St . Croix , but for soldiers to put the island under Marshal Law . There was wild looting , fighting , and all around chaos in the streets for days following Hugo . My parents were a few of the lucky people who were able to collect their insurance money . Many insurance companies went bankrupt . It took people months , some years , to repair all the damage . Some of them had to pay for the repairs all on their own . Within a year , our house was completely fixed . The new roof that was put on , not only had 3 new sunroofs , but was designed to withstand any hurricane . The roof had smaller eaves and was connected to the bottom of the house . The builder told us , " For this roof to go , the walls must go with it ! " As far as I know the house is still there . InternationalATMs are really hard to find ; more so if you aren 't in a big city . Many places in Japan do not use credit cards . Take cashandcallyourbanktoaskwhatATMs or banks in Japan will work with your cash card . You can get a Japan Railway , pass which saves you a lot of money on the trains , but you can only buy it before you get to Japan and you cannot be a resident of Japan . ( I don 't have more information about it because I 've only ever lived in Japan . I 've never been a tourist . ) If you stay on route 10 at Hiji town , you will get on route 213 in Usa . Be careful because the turn is at an odd angle making it a little easy to miss . This is the shorter way . After the 4th tunnel you will be in a little town . You will need to make a left onto a little road that is opposite to a pedestrian tunnel . The first time you go , it will be a little tricky , because you can 't really see the pedestrian tunnel when making the left . But if you reach a 5th tunnel , that is kind of long , turn around and you will be able to clearly see the pedestrian tunnel . We got up early the next morning and set out from the tunnel . By the time we got to Kitakyushu it was breakfast time . We went to a park near the tunnel and made curry rice , a dish in Japan that bears very little resemblance to the curry dishes I grew up eating . Once we had eaten we made our way to the island of Honshu , by way of a saunter under water . We got into the elevator which took us underground and walked with the small crowd of people that were there that day . There were a few runners , some commuters , but most were tourists like us who had to stop and take pictures every 2 minutes . There is nothing to see down there ; no windows or view . You just keep to the right and let the runners go by when they come along . It was a nice walk . Yes . In Japan you drive on the left , but walk on the right . I guess it is done this way to have pedestrians face traffic when walking next to a road . I wonder what side we , in the US , walk ? Once in Shimonoseki , in Yamaguchi Prefecture , we walked around a bit and took some pictures . This city doesn 't have many non - temple tourist attractions . They do have a mountain that could be climbed for a view of the city , but we were not in the climbing mood . We listened to an old man telling stories to some people sitting around him . He was very expressive , but we had no idea what he said . When the tale was done , the listeners put some coins in a box . The box had writing on it that asked for 5YEN . We did listen to the man 's story , but we came in the middle of it , plus we didn 't understand a word . But for 5YEN , we couldn 't resist pretending like we were fluent enough in Japanese to feel obliged to pay . We had made the 2 hour drive up to Bungo Takada , the city in which Matama beach is in , to see this most spectacular sunset , several times before . Every time we did , something happened to prevent us from seeing the sunset . Once we left too late in the day . Twice it was too cloudy to see the horizon . We stopped at the beach to have lunch ; left over curry rice . We watched all the clam diggers , with their kids and buckets in hand , looking for the shelled creatures . They all wore wellingtons with their pants rolled up to their knees . Most of them seemed to be having fun despite the fact that many of the kids were crying . We were then going to go to the nearby campsite , set up our tent , then come back to watch the sunset . But it started to rain . Our stuff had just dried out from the last rain . Since we were a 2 hour drive from home , we decided not to camp . We took a leisurely drive back . Actually we were stuck behind a bunch of bicyclists . There was some sort of charity bike - a - thon . The roads were so narrow but the bikers rode as if they had complete faith in my driving . They were so certain that I was paying close attention to them , that they would over take one another without even a slight glance back to see if there were any cars around to run them over . I didn 't have as much faith in myself as they did , so we pulled over at a random Joyfull and waited the race out . And no , that one is not a typo . The name of the restaurant is Joyfull . It is just the best decent but inexpensive dining establishment that comes with a juice and coffee bar in all of Japan . It 's really popular among teenagers , who have to get their money from a generous parent . I like it because it 's clean , has picture menus where I practice my katakana and hiragana reading , and it 's cheap but still has a variety of dishes . But the drink bar is the clincher ! Outside the US , the concept of free refills is unheard of . When it comes to soda , ice tea , and other non - real juices , ie " drinks " , the cost of the beverage is very tiny compared to the cost of the cup it comes in . So , in the US most restaurants will offer free re - fills on their non - juice drinks . The cost for your refill is so little that they would rather you gorge yourself on their drinks than run the risk of you not buying a drink at all . Joyfull is one of the very few restaurants I 've come across out side the US that gives free refills . Even Japanese McDonald 's doesn 't do it . When you eat at Joyfull , you get a drink bar coupon , called a " ticket " , when you pay your bill . The next time you come and show your " ticket " you will only have to pay 65YEN for unlimited drinks and soup . When you pay the bill , you get another ticket and the cycle continues . I have no idea what the full price of the drink bar is . On my first day of work in Oita a group of my students presented me with a welcome book . It had many romantic date activity recommendations , a map to several Joyfull 's in town , and 2 drink bar tickets . Another group later gave me a poster with the names and photos of the English teachers . These were the best welcome gifts I have ever received . Many people , like me , go to Joyfull just for the drink bar . You can sample all their drinks , taking a sip of this and a sip of that . This is where I discovered that I like Calpis . I 've tried out many flavors of coffee and a green tea moche which I thought was okay , but Mark hated . Once they had a pink hot chocolate drink . I think it was just hot strawberry Nesquik , but it was so good that for months afterward , Mark and I ate at several Joyfulls in hope of having it again . We never did . InternationalATMs are really hard to find ; more so if you aren 't in a big city . Many places in Japan do not use credit cards . Take cash and call yourbanktoaskwhatATMs or banks in Japan will work with your cash card . You can get a Japan Railway , pass which saves you a lot of money on the trains , but you can only buy it before you get to Japan and you cannot be a resident of Japan . ( I don 't have more information about it because I 've only ever lived in Japan . I 've never been a tourist . ) Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this : |
Allowing plenty of time , got to Atria at 10 : 00 and let myself into her apartment and yes , she was sleeping . I woke her up and she was very groggy , but she got dressed and I went out to get her some coffee , which helped wake her up a bit more . I could tell from how she was looking around the room that she didn 't have a clue where she was . This was one of her off days , and being awakened early didn 't help that . I think one of the most frustrating things for me . . . and definitely for her . . . is that she wakes up not knowing where she is and what she should be doing , but knowing that she should be doing something . Some days this isn 't a big deal , other days it borders on anxiety about not being able to remember what she is supposed to do . I have tried giving her something simple to do , but she doesn 't want to do anything I suggest and just stares at me what that little kid standing defiantly in front of Mommy and refusing to do whatever it is that she is asked to do . I brought her the piece that her sister Barb had written when she first realized she was losing her memory . I wasn 't sure my mother could follow it , but thought she would try , because it was something from one of her sisters to whom she was the closest . She held it and looked off and said " You know . . . I can 't remember Barb . I don 't remember who she is . " I told her that she was her sister and she asked if she died or not . Today she was just very vague and following me around when we left the building . I told her many times on the ride to Kaiser where we were going and why we were going there . Sometimes she remembers something vague about an accident , but most times it 's a new piece of information every time . We went into the procedure room and a nurse asked her name . She could remember her first name , but not her last . The nurse checked the bridge of her nose ( I had to remind my mother why she was doing this - - that she 'd had a fall ) . She said there was something covering the stitches , something that seemed almost metallic . She thought maybe makeup , but I don 't think my mother has any makeup , and if she does , she hasn 't used it in a very long time . Neither of us could figure out what it was . Whatever it was it seemed to be caked on her nose and she put a wet gauze on it to see if she could soften the . . . whatever it was . . . up enough that she could clean the wound . The nurse went off to find her doctor to check the stitches and I swear , this woman has been my doctor too for many years and I 've always considered her more of a statistician than a physician , since she seems more concerned with numbers ( blood pressure , blood sugar , etc . ) than actual health . She doesn 't really " know " me at all . She walked in , said hello , didn 't examine my mother 's stitches at all . didn 't seem to know why she was there , and walked out again , Soon , the nurse was back with her and this time she did , under the nurse 's request , check the stitches and decided that they weren 't ready to come out yet , and that we should return on Friday . So we have to do the whole thing over again . We left and drove back to Atria . When we got out of the car she stood in the middle of the parking lot while I locked the car , as if she didn 't have a clue where to go . She asked where we were going and I said we were going inside the building " This is where you live , " I said . " I do ? " she asked . When we got inside she said she thought it looked familiar . We went to her apartment and I gathered up her laundry to bring home to wash . Some of it was in the hamper , some of it was in the waste basket . When i had it all collected I went to tell her goodbye . She was sitting on the couch looking lost . She said " so I 'm supposed to sit here and someone will tell me what to do , right ? " I told her what she was supposed to do was to lie down and take a nap , but that brought the defiant " I don 't have to do that if I don 't want to " face and I kissed her goodbye . As I left , she was sitting there , looking around the room and , I 'm fairly certain , trying to figure out where she was and I know she was trying to figure out what she was supposed to be doing . I came home and did a marathon reading session . I was so into the first Mickey Bolitar book that we finished in the car that I immediately ordered the second one and zipped through it . It ended at a place I couldn 't just leave so I ordered the third one , very frustrated when it seemed to be taking forever to get to my Kindle . When I went to Amazon and checked the order found I had inadvertently ordered the paperback . I was able to cancel that order and order the Kindle version , which was delivered instantly so I am now into that book , the third in the series . Thank goodness the series ends with book 3 . I didn 't get much accomplished but did finish the book and got my old desk completely cleared of junk . Now all that is left on the top of that desk is things I have to find room for in the new office . Today I have the day " off " since it is Logos day . Tuesday , but all the Music Circus shows start on Tuesday . Not really sure why . It 's especially confusing in a week like this when I have five shows to review in 7 days . When I got up this morning I was sure it must be Saturday , at least . But it 's only Wednesday . We saw two shows over the weekend . One was The Totalitarians , about which I wrote yesterday . Then for our anniversary the next day we saw a show called Clever Little Lies , a comedy about marital infidelity - - surely a wonderful theme for an anniversary . It was a hilarious comedy , until suddenly it wasn 't . I haven 't written the review yet . I 'm trying to figure out how to explain how funny it is , without giving away the fact that it doesn 't end as funny as it begins . Then last night Dolly was back where she belonged , as Hello Dolly opened on the Music Circus stage . It was about the hottest day of the week , so walking to the theater from our parking slot was like doing exercise in a sauna , but thank God the theater is air conditioned . When I first started reviewing , Music Circus shows took place in a giant tent . I think they had blowers blowing air in at intermission , but the heat combined with the terribly uncomfortable " directors chairs " made attending a show less than pleasant . But when you wake up the next morning it 's Wednesday and your week doesn 't end until Sunday . . . and there are two more shows to review between now and then . This week it 's Cyrano de Bergerac on Thursday and Bells are Ringing on Friday . Both are part of the Davis Shakespeare Ensemble 's now - annual summer festival , where they do two non - Shakespeare shows and run them for about six weeks each . So we won 't be at the BBQ and we won 't see Brianna 's All Star game , but hope to go down a couple of weeks later , when the dust settles up here . The last time I saw the girls was Christmas and I 'm itching to see them again ! Thank goodness I started writing to them so I feel at least still a part of their lives especially when Brianna answers me ! So not going also puts less pressure on me to clean out the living room before Ashley and Dave move in here to dog sit . What with Swap Bot projects deadlines and reviews to write the relocation into my office is going slowly . It 's kind of like the process that I use when writing a review . I write a bit , then go do something else - - often just sitting and staring into space while my mind races . With the office reorganization , I put a few things away , then sit and try to figure out what I am going to do next . I could easily just move it all in and sort through it after it 's out of the living room , but if Ned has gone to all this trouble to give me this organized office , I want to return everything thoughtfully and not just throw something on a shelf , but decide why it goes on that shelf . Theoretically , with the books I have donated to Logos , you 'd think that the remaining books would all fit on the shelves , but there are two problems with that . First , before the reorganization , I had books stacked two - deep on the shelf , which meant that there were many books I hadn 't seen in years and didn 't realize I had . I don 't want to do that now , which means that I start out with half the shelf space I had for the same number of books . Also , I had lots of binders in cabinets and other storage areas , binders for the Compassion kids , binders for collections of newsletters I have written over the years , binders for diaries of journal entries of trips we have taken before I started Funny the World . I have only ONE shelf that is tall enough for a binder , so those have to go there . I have a wonderful number of shelves but two are much too high for me to reach , so those will be for storage and I have to figure out what , other than movies and slides from the 1960s and 70s are best to go up there . So it just all takes thought and thinking sometimes leads to frantic depression about how I 'm ever going to get this done . But I will . And when it is finished it will be great . I just have to survive the growing pains . . . or is it shrinking pains ? Walt , a better man than I just about all the time , hauled furniture out to the dump and cleaned up the yard for garbage pick up tomorrow . Me ? I bought more plastic and spent a couple of hours watching my mother sleep . I dropped him off and then went out to Office Max , where I bought a thingy which is 4 plastic drawers on wheels , which I can use to put all the things that have been in the desk drawer I 've been using for 30 years . They aren 't quite as large , so I am limited , but that means making decisions about what to save and what to toss . The drawers are filled and I still have things left over , but I am a good way there . coming back from lunch ! She couldn 't remember if she had had lunch or not , but she had coffee breath , so I assume she did . But she was out in public ! It may be that she was just feeling better and not remembering what she looked like , just went to lunch as she always does . I 'm in the middle of writing a review of a show we saw on Saturday called " The Totalitarians " by Peter Sinn Nachtrieb . It 's a mostly hilarious comedy , but about 10 minutes into it , I decided that this was actually Donald Trump 's playbook . There is a Sarah Palin - type candidate named Penny Easter running for governor of Nebraska who comes up with the slogan " Freedom From Fear " and hands out tattoos with " FFF " on them . You land the " Freedom from Fear " moment and everyone raises their fists in the air . At first dead silence , just fists . F - F - F . F - F - F . F - F - F . And then a whisper growing , the crowd beings to chant " Fff fff fff fff fff . As we were driving down the freeway listening to Says You on the radio , we passed a billboard for The Buckhorn . Winters is about 10 miles from Davis . I suggested that we go there instead . It was a longer drive ( thus we could listen to more of the show ) and it felt like more of a special place . And so we did . It was only 4 : 30 when we got to Winters , but it was about 100 ⁰ when we got out of the car , so we went straight to the air conditioned restaurant , which says it opens for dinner at 5 , but it was already pretty full , this being Sunday and all , I guess . It was easy to order . I knew what I was having even before we got to the place . There aren 't many places that we go to anyway where you can get lamb and I was lookin ' to gnaw me some lamb bone ( trying to forget the contradiction of my hating the game heads on the wall , but looking forward to eating a lamb ) . along with a basket filled with warm sourdough bread . . . which really is sour and a generous mound of butter . I usually fill up on this stuff and then am too full for dinner , but , remembering that , I only finished half of my salad tonight . When the rack of lamb arrived , I was glad that I had . It was on a bed of garlic mashed potatoes and had a little bowl of a mint sauce , along with the green beans . On this , our 51st anniversary , it seems appropriate to print what my aunt Barb wrote to us on our 25th anniversary , about our wedding day : When your mother and dad were celebrating their twenty fifth year of wedded bliss , they invited Unc and I to attend the festivities . Because of poor health , poor car and no gas , we had to send them our condolences by mail , along with a note of remembrances of their wedding day . Tho ' I 've not gotten an invitation from you to attend this years festivities , or any other years festivities , I 'm going to try and control my " hurt " and write a note of remembrances of the first day of the rest of your life 's wedded bliss . Your wedding day is and always will be etched in my mind - and I 'm sure the reason for that is , I am still , after all these many years , having nightmares about it . Now , I know you 're thinking - " Why should dear old auntie be having nightmares about my wedding ? " My answer to that : " Little does the bride and groom know what goes on at their own nuptials . " They are the stars and have no thought , or in fact care , as to the rest of the cast or what the audience thinks or does . I 'm thinking of writing a pamphlet of do 's or don ' ts on this subject - but here I digress . Unc and I were very excited about being invited to your wedding . Those were very lean years for us and I knew I didn 't have the proper clothes to wear for such an elegant occasion . I did not want you or your mother to be ashamed of me - so trying to appear at my best I discussed the situation with my friends and neighbors . They all took pity on me and for the sake of my peace of mind they pooled their resources ( their clothes ) and sent me off to the city in style . Your Uncle Bill was president of The World Sign Association in those years , so he had all the grand clothes because he had to look real spiffy and presidential at the meetings . Because I didn 't have anything to wear but rags , I had to stay at home with the babies . That has been my lot in life for fifty - one years , bAuntie BarbJune , 1997 Ned finished it while I was at Atria this afternoon and when I got home , I was all set up - - computer , printer , and TV . All these shelves ! I hope to fill them in a more organized fashion ( but probably won 't ! ) But I love that all of my Compassion kids binders are all together on one shelf now . I took the morning off from Atria because my mother 's step son was stopping by to visit her , and I had my monthly lunch date with my friend Kathy . I was on the way to the restaurant when I had a phone call from the step son letting me know that my mother seemed to have a pain in her finger and had anybody checked that ? I couldn 't believe it . I had written to him TWICE giving him a full report on the accident , including the sprained fingers . I assured him that the doctor was aware of the problem , that she had been ex - rayed and that I had explained it to her at least 100 times . I also had a call earlier in the day from someone at Atria . She said " I 'm here with your mother . She 's a little confused and doesn 't seem to remember what happened to her . " I told her too that it had been explained to her a zillion times and would probably explain a zillion more times . Lunch with Kathy was interesting . Naturally we talked a lot about politics . Her son and his husband don 't know what is going to happen to them . His husband is from Portugal and is working on his PhD . He will get his PhD in another couple of years . Her son has a guest visa because he is married to his husband . But since the husband never established permanent residency in England because he didn 't need to , under the EU , he doesn 't know if he will be allowed to stay . . . and if he can 't stay , does his husband lose his guest visa ? After lunch , I went to Atria . The stepson had stayed less than an hour , according to the guest book But at least he came which is more than anybody else in the bay area has done . I stayed until about 5 . Her bruising is more extensive today She took a nap , and I did too . We sat there and stared at each other for about an hour . Occasionally she would tell me that her fingers hurt and she didn 't know why . At one point she told me that she didn 't know why , but all she could think of in the back of her head was that she wanted to walk and just keep on walking forever . I wondered if this , combined with her obsession with seeing her mother lately meant anything . I decided to turn on the TV and tried to find something that she might be interested in enough to look . I tried Ellen but she just turned to me and said " do you understand anything that is going on ? " I finally just turned the set off . She is beyond being able to watch TV and enjoy it . I think I 'm glad we don 't have a cow . I checked out the plagues of Egypt and think we are experiencing them . The first plague was blood . OK , it was the water turning into blood , but there was certainly enough blood on Ned 's finger two days ago to qualify as a plague of blood . It 's more difficult to figure out how my mother 's accident jives with the plague of frogs , I 'm sure something about " croaking " would be in there somewhere . Day 3 of the plagues is the plague of insects . Then God ordered Aaron to strike the dust of the earth with his staff , and no sooner did he do so than all over Egypt bugs crawled forth from the dust to cover the land . Man and beast suffered untold misery from this terrible plague . That 's kind of what happened when the garage door guy , who was here this morning to fix the garage door which had come off its hinges , found when he started to investigate . We are rich in termites , poor only in what a hit our bank account will take in order to eradicate them . Day 4 has something to do with livestock being infected , but I think if I toss a bit of lamb 's blood on the door post we 'll be OK . Walt is meeting with termite guy next week and by God , if he tells me I need to pack up all my stuff so he can spray , I may just possibly have a first class hissy fit . While Walt was dealing with termines , I packed up and headed to Atria , where I spent the day . She actually slept until noon and when she woke up , she was brighter than she had been the day before . She still doesn 't have a clue what happened or why her fingers are so sore and I must have explained that to her 100 times . Her face today looks horrible , as the bruising has set in . But actually by the time I left at 6 I could see it was looking better , though anyone seeing her for the first time would be appalled . Other than being shocked at her appearance , she didn 't seem to be too upset until we were going to the dining room for dinner and she saw herself again , for the first time in a couple of hours , and decided she didn 't want anybody seeing her , which I certainly understood . ( So I ordered a dinner to be brought to her room before I left to come home . ) Not only did she sleep until noon , but she also took about an hour and a half nap in the afternoon , so I got a lot of reading in and actually finished my book , " Broadway Tails : Heartfelt Stories of Rescued Dogs Who Became Showbiz Superstars " by Bill Berloni . Fascinating story and there is even a sort of friend of mine in it - - Moose , who was the first traveling company Sandy for Annie . I used to chat with Moose at Sacramento 's Music Circus every night when I was driving the local " mutt " in from Davis for his brief stint in Act 1 . My mother 's step son is going to stop by tomorrow and I 'll be curious to see what he has to say . Her main complaint is her fingers . She can 't get it through her head that they are sprained ( and she doesn 't know how she sprained them ) . The big problem is that the first two fingers on each hand are very sore yet she keeps her hands clasped together , fingers interlocking . When I give her the old line " It hurts when you do that ? DON ' T DO THAT ! " she will look very guilty , unlock her hands and then proceed to squeeze finger in order over and over again to see if they still hurt . I poined out to her that yesterday , when I tried to clean her up with a wet tissue , the very touch of the tissue , without pressure , caused her to scream out in pain , so she had come a long way in a day . But of course , she has lost the ability for cause and effect relationships and she didn 't pay any attention to what I was saying . I was drained when I came home . I don 't do anything , really , when I 'm there ( except today I did a load of dishes that w * * * I have been getting more sleep than I usually do lately . . . and it 's kind of nice . Yesterday I went to bed early and got up around 4 : 30 a . m . I didn 't feel sleepy , so read my book for awhile , then got a glass of ice water ( which I usually have first thing in the morning ) and promptly fell asleep . At 9 : 30 the phone rang . The caller ID said it was my mother , but she always calls my cell phone and yes , it was not my mother . It was someone from Atria calling to let me know she had had a fall . I said I 'd be there in 10 minutes and probably made it in less . When I got to Atria there were 2 fire engines and an ambulance . I got to her apartment and there was nobody there , so I went to the front desk , where they said that they had sent her to Kaiser in Vacaville . When I got outside , the fire engines were gone , but the ambulance was still there so I called out to them and went down there to see if she was inside , which she was . She was very confused and wasn 't sure why she was in the ambulance . The paramedic asked if she normally knew things like the year and the month and I told him no . She was in a room in the ER and very confused . She didn 't know why she was there , doesn 't remember falling , and is very upset that her fingers hurt . She also wanted to know what the liquid was that was trickling down her face ( blood ) . Over the time we were there , she had x - rays on her hands ( fingers sprained ) and a CT scan to see if she had a concussion ( no ) . While she was gone , I had a nice conversation with a social service worker and we talked about dementia and alzheimers . She gave me her phone # in case I have things I want to discuss with her . When she returned to the ER room , the doctor put 5 stitches in her forehead and then went off to find the scans that had been taken ( this took a long time ) . Now she wanted to know again why she was there . When I mentioned the stitches , she asked when she had stitches because she didn 't remember that at all . I knew that I couldn 't go off and leave her alone , so I planned to spend the afternoon . Figuring she would sleep , I stopped by the house here and picked up my Kindle . It was a good stop because Ned was here and he always brings such sunshine to his visits with his grandma . She stayed in the car and he went out to spend some time with her . Back at Atria , someone came to explain what actually happened . Apparently she fell getting out of bed and was bleeding so much she went out into the hall to find help . She has a pendant to wear , but she has stopped wearing it and even when she wears it , she doesn 't know what it is for , so I don 't know that it would have helped her . But they also told me that the day before someone found that she had taken her bed apart and had removed the mattress . Whoever it was asked if she knew where she was . She said that yes , she was in San Francisco and was looking for a phone to call her mother . In the late afternoon , she asked me " where is our mother ? " I said " did you mean where is YOUR mother ? " She said no , where was OUR mother and then snapped back and realized that I was her daughter , not her sister . " It 's not a construction project unless a little blood is spilled , " said Ned as he wrapped gauze around his finger . The Frozen band aid I offered him wasn 't going to do it , though I would have enjoyed seeing him with Princesses Anna and Elsa decorating his pointer finger , and it would have made a funny picture to send to Brianna and Lacie . But this was heavy duty blood . Thank goodness we were able to find gauze pads and tape ( though the tape was in the desk that my computer desk is now covering up ) . We so seldom ( i . e . , almost never ) need first aid supplies any more . I think the tape was from my cataract surgery . . . the first one . The rest of what he did was little painting stuff ( like a second coat of enamel on the desk top ) and building a cover for where the modem and wifi will go . He also took out a lot of tools , so it 's starting to look like an office again . I put some boxes up ( but they won 't stay in that spot . . . still it was nice to see something on the shelf ) . An e - mail I received during the morning was a lovely surprise . . . Amazon apparently had to give its customers rebates because of some Antitrust Settlement I knew nothing about . But I was delighted to hear they had added a not small amount to my account and I was able to buy 3 kindle books I 've had on my wish list but didn 't want to spend the money for . I still have money left in my account , which is delightful . " Plastics , " the man says , explaining that plastics were the wave of the future . That was 1967 . His prophecy has come true and plastics are everywhere . Take this little tower thingy . It is made up of three sets of three plastic shelves , each approximately 7 " square ( a little over 7 " in length ) . It is my new tower of stickers . I use stickers . Lots of stickers . I decorate letters to the girls and send them stickers when I write to them . I use them in creating pocket letters . I send them to the Compassion kids . I share them with members of Swap Bot . They have all been in one big box and trying to find something takes forever . But now I have a tower of stickers . It took me over an hour yesterday to set up drawers for : Disney , Irish , " critters " ( non specific animals ) , dogs , cats , smiley faces , butterflies , hearts and flowers . Those are the categories of stickers I have the most of . I still have a lot of other oddball stickers , but now the stack is much smaller and much easier to plough through when looking for just the right sticker . I love Washi tape . It 's the Japanese paper tape that you can use to decorate anything . The one really nice thing about Washi is that if you don 't like where you positioned it on a piece of paper , you can pick it up and reposition it . I always decorate the girls ' envelopes with Washi and use it for lots of other craft projects . I have lots and lots of Washi tape ( I also get sent Washi tape ) . Now I have two big boxes in which to store most of the rolls of tape . I love those little plastic boxes . I could fit more Washi into the bigger box without them , but I like having them in groups of 4 rolls . They stay neater that way . I have similar boxes for oversized patterned paper books and individual sheets . It was the very first " big show " that Paul ever did . He played Winthrop , the little kid who sings " Gary , Indiana . " Jeri was Amarylis in that production , the girl who takes piano lessons from Marian the Librarian and joins her in singing " Good Night My Someone . " Later that same year , Paul was cast to play Winthrop again in a production at a huge amphitheater in Oakland . He stayed with friends of ours who had suggested he audition for the part during rehearsal and the show itself . When their awards ceremony came around , he was one of the kids nominated as " Best Child Actor , " and won . You 'd think it would be difficult for me to see " Gary , Indiana , " but it 's not . There are so many cute kids who play Winthrop and the kid yesterday was adorable , so I enjoy the performance , not the memories . But when the finale of Act 1 comes on and they sing " Wells Fargo Wagon " and Winthrop has his big solo wondering if there could be " thomething thpecial jutht for me " I picture 10 year old Paul taking center stage and I just lose it every time . I sat there yesterday with tears rolling down my cheeks , trying to wipe them away before the lights came up for intermission . So Music Man is always a mixed bag . It is probably my favorite musical , but it is also the one that is fraught with the most memories . And what better way to spend Father 's Day than seeing " the family musical " ? The show ended at 5 and we had been invited to join family at Marta 's sister 's house for a Father 's Day barbeque . Since it was a very hot day , I didn 't want to bring food to share and have it sit in a hot car for 2 - 1 / 2 hours , so we stopped for food after the show . I also took the opportunity to run to Office Max , next door to Safeway , to pick up another box for the office . Earlier in the day , I had stopped by Atria to deliver a gorgeous basket of red carnations I had found at Michael 's for my mother . They look so real and they won 't die on her , which is always a plus . She was unintentionally funny today and though on the one hand it was sad , on the other hand , I couldn 't help but laugh at what happened . After awhile we went to her apartment . I had her pills for next week to leave for her and I was fairly certain that if I left her sitting in the hall , she would not remember to take the flowers with her when she went back to her apartment . And I was right , because even when I reminded her to take them , her reaction was " Oh ? Are those for We got to the apartment and I went to put her pills in the bathroom , where I always leave them . I saw that the previous week 's pill box still had two days ' worth of pills in it . It had been 3 days since I was last there and when I was there , there were two days ' worth of pills not yet taken , so she hasn 't been taking her pills . She got herself a glass of water , and two cookies and went to sit down and dutifully eat her cookies . I got her pills and handed them to her . " What are those ? " she asked , and then said " Oh . . . do I take pills ? " We went on a hunny hunt this afternoon , in search of Pooh Corner , where it was rumored that a party was being held for Ashley and her husband and their soon - to - be - born son , Gabe . It was an absolutely perfect day , weather wise . It has been in the 70s this week ( unusually cool ) , but today could not have been better and tomorrow it is scheduled to go back into the 100s . The weather gods smiled on Ashley and Dave today ! We didn 't know most people there , but had a wonderful time sitting pool side and watching the fun there . I loved it when I realized that the pool had adults , kids , babies and a dog all in it at the same time . This kid was my favorite , though . I am so thrilled for Ashley , who has wanted to be a Mom for a long time . This baby will also be the first grandchild in the family . And I 'm so thrilled that she thinks of us as close enough friends to invite to her shower . I wouldn 't have missed it for the world ( but I 'm glad I missed the " diaper game " ) . The one on the bottom left is what I hope is the start of making some sense out of the mountain of stickers I have ( top drawer , dog stickers ; middle drawer , heart stickers ; bottom drawer , flower stickers ) . The bottom right has 14 " square paper , the bottom booklets of it , the top individual sheets . The box with the pink lock has many sections into which i can easily separate the kinds of things I put in pockets of pocket letter . Someone told me I should shop at the Container Store . The nearest one is in Sacramento and I checked out their web site . What I found was mind boggling . Just looking at it made my head hurt . So many decisions ! But I thought I 'd start small ( er ) and go to Michael 's . Even there the choices were staggering . I bought the boxes that I showed above , but then thought about : Each was 60 % off ( another plus of Michaels . Sales everywhere ) . Ned had given me dimensions of some of the slots that were going to be able to be filled when this is all finished . My goal is to get as much stuff into identifiable containers ( i . e . , labeled with contents , or clear so it 's obvious ) to keep it from getting dusty and falling on the floor . E . g . , I want a container for paper scraps , which I sometimes use on projects , but which are too small to keep corralled unless they are put into something . . . but where to put them ? I brought in another Blue Apron box and another bag of books to Logos today . Ned is making such progress on my office that I will soon have to see if I have gotten rid of enough books or if more strict downsizing is required ! My first customer today was a mom with two kids , who spent some time in the kids room . Her son bought a kid 's mystery ( not Nancy Drew or the Hardy Boys ) A woman in a SF Giants cap bought a contemporary fiction book , a story which takes place in China . A quartet of young women came in . One was tall , wearing tight fitting torn jeans and a floppy brimmed hat . The three others had short - short shorts and one of those had a hat too . They went half way down one aisle and across through another , each one of them dragging her hand across the books , without stopping to look at them , and then out the front door again . Weird . A grown up childhood friend of our kids bought a book on the history of Middle Earth . We discussed the Davis heat and I mentioned how I was enjoying these 75 ⁰ days this week . He says he is too , but his garden doesn 't do well when it 's cooler and that when the temps zoom up 30 ⁰ to over 100 ⁰ later this week , all of the veggies in his garden will go crazy . A lovely British lady spent some time in the children 's room and bought a book of trees and a book of butterflies , along with a bargain book she found outside . A rugged looking guy bought 2 books on hiking in California . He also bought an art book and book on the history of the English language . He paid by credit card and we discussed how the new computer chips are so much slower , and wondering how their security is . A curly - headed guy wearing camouflage shorts with black socks that went up past his knees , a Cal Aggie sweatshirt and a lanyard with " East Bay " printed on it bought a geography book . A short stocky woman with a short pony tale bought a bargain book and a contemporary fiction . An older woman carrying an Avid Reader bag ( that 's the store that sells new books a block away ) came n looking for " Engineers of Victory " by Paul KenPosted by Beth Ruyak , host of Capital Public Radio 's program , " Insight " since 2012 , has worked as a reporter , anchor , producer , and writer . She hosted daytime television , magazine shows , special events and live coverage . Among the highlights of her career : sideline reporting from 5 Olympic Games and Super Bowl XXV , traversing Europe for 3 Tour de France bicycle races ( becoming the first woman television journalist to cover the event ) , co - hosting " The Home Show , " and guest co - hosting " Good Morning America . " Her news , sports and health reporting have earned Emmy awards and opportunities to interview , learn from and tell stories about people all over the world . Jeff picked me up at 8 a . m . and we drove in to Sacramento , where we sat in the green room awaiting our turn to be interviewed . I was calm , cool , collected . We were going to discuss something I knew something about . No need to be nervous . Stacey Powell , the author of the book " The Finance Gym Action Plan for a Better Life with Money : Don 't just know better . Do better " came in . She was on the segment before ours , talking about a touring program she is doing to publicize her newly - printed book . She was a very nice lady . I signed the guest book . I looked back on all the other signatures over the months and tried to be clever . I just wrote " Omigod , you guys " and signed my name . Cryptic , but to the point , and on topic ! Eventually they led us to the interview room and sat us close to our big microphones . Beth had said she would hand me the first question , which was about whether I go to Music Circus much . Easy - - every show for the past 16 years ( when I started getting critic tickets ; before that it was too expensive ! ) She played some sound clips Jeff had made last night , including the ubiquitous " Omigod , you guys " . She asked me something and I gave her an answer she didn 't expect - - telling her about a member of the original cast coming out of retirement for one last production . She was quite surprised when I told her it was Chico , the Chihuahua . Jeri and I were supposed to do a FaceTime with my mother , but the time got mixed up and in the end , we decided to reschedule for next week . I have to face the fact that my mother no longer has " bad memory days . " Bad memory is every day . For once , I had something " exciting " to tell her . I told her about my interview and she seemed to be following , but when I mentioned that the weather was cold when we left the radio station , she said " what were you doing at a radio station . " When I said I was there for an interview and she asked why I hadn 't told her anything about it . Sigh . Chico plays Elle 's dog , Bruiser and is very professional . He 's trained by William Berloni , 2011 Tony honoree for Excellence in Theater and trainer for just about any animal appearing on Broadway , starting with the original Sandy in the first production of " Annie . " Chico ( his understudy Roxie is also a Broadway veteran ) didn 't miss a cue , made all of his exits , barked on command and performed his big moment , running across the room , jumping onto a bed , and into a dog carrier , flawlessly . I am currently reading Berloni 's autobiography and it 's fascinating . His career started when someone told him to go and get a dog for a new show they were developing , a little show based on the Little Orphan Annie cartoons . Berloni had never trained a dog before and rescued a dog he ended up calling Sandy from euthanasia at the last minute . On the whole , it was a good production . Legally Blonde as well as the sequel Legally Blonde 2 are two of my guilty pleasures . Movies that are pretty dumb , but which I find " fetching , " perhaps because of the performance of Reese Witherspoon . Ned was here today and spent most of the day on the floor strengthening the desk . No way it is evergoing to collapse . He also started putting up shelves . It 's starting to look very good . He thinks another three trips and it might be ready for occupancy . I have a feeling that plastic containers are going to become my best friends ! Yesterday 's mail brought a wonderful surprise - - a real letter from Brianna . She has sent me letters before , but this one was a page long and more like a real letter . She also sent me two rolls of decorative tape , the kind I use to decorate the letters I send to both of the girls . I 'm having such fun with them . The one on the left was a dog theme , and the one on the right was an A - B - C theme , where each pocket was a different letter . I took it one step further and tried to make all thegoodies inside the pockets start with that letter too . The H pocket , for example , was full of heart stickers , the G pocket had gum in it . The B pocket ( B for " baby toes " ) had a letter from me because my name starts with B . I have five more scheduled in the next month . I 've learned that there are a lot of " codes " to be aware of when working in a hospital . When you hear a code over the loudspeaker , you immediately know what is going on , where it is happenng , and what to do about it . I wear a card around my neck , along wth my identification tag , which lists the codes on it , along with instructions for what to do . I hadn 't heard a code called since I 've been working at Sutter , but yesterday a Code Grey was called twice . Both times for the same room , several hours apart . In fact , I was coming back from the Auxiliary Room when it was called the second time and nearly got run over by a very large security guard running for the elevator . I checked on the room where the Code Grey was . It was a room that had two visitors that day , earlier the spouse of the patient , bringing flowers , and later the adult chld of the patient . The patient was 86 years old , so who knows if this was a problem with the family or an out of control senile person . I hope only the latter . I 'd hate to think that the two very nice visitors caused a ruckus . It was otherwise an OK day at the information desk . A woman came in asking who could clean up " a mess " she had made outside . Apparently she had spilled soup down her front and I gave her a towel to clean up and called for someone to clean the " mess . " When the facilities person came , neither she , nor the guy from Human Resources , the ubiquitous Dodie , could find a mess anywhere . Then there was the woman who showed up , walking slowly in her walker . She said she was late and she had an appointment and where should she go ? I asked the name of her doctor , but she didn 't know the name . Then I asked what department she was supposed to go to , and she didn 't know that . I asked her what herappointment was for and she didn 't know , but said she had diabetes and " maybe it 's for that . " I took a stab and called Internal Medicine . At least the patient knew her own name . While I was on the phone to Internal Medicine , her daughter came in and I handed her the phone to explain what was going on , thinking she might know more than her mother . She didn 't either , but said she thought maybe it had something to do with her heart . The receptionist put them on hold and I told them that both Internal Medicine and Cardiac were in a different building . She waited a long time and finally decided they 'd just go there instead , since they were late already . They started toward the back of the hospital and I told them it was the building on the other side of the parking lot and they were very indignant that they would have to walk all that way , because they were already late . I stayed on the line waiting for the person to come back and it turned out that Internal Medicine had forwarded the call to Sacramento and the woman there didn 't have a clue what I was talking about . I hope she got to where she was supposed to be . I didn 't see her again . After those two little flurries , the rest of the day was very calm . I was a reading a book that was not gripping , the front desk was somewhat stuffy and I had a terrible time staying awake . In fact , I nodded off several times , to ber awakened by someone standing at the desk . Very embarrassing . When I got up to cook dinner , my body was just out of sorts . In fact , I felt pretty much like my mother described yesterday . I managed to get dinner cooked , but didn 't have the least interest in eating . I watched the first episode of Brain Dead ( which described how I felt ! ) , which is an odd new show and I 'm not sure how I feel about it yet , and then decided all I really wanted was to go to sleep , so I went into the living room , fully expecting to wake up around midnight , but I slept until 4 : 30 and then went back to sleep in the recliner and slept another two hours , waking up feeling normal again , but really not wanting a pork chop for breakfast . Ned was here in the morning to pick up paint so he could paint brackets at his house . He said he had stopped by have breakfast with his grandmother first and I asked how she was and he said she was fine . He called her first and woke her up but when he got there she was up , dressed and with makeup on . So I guess the problems of the day before had passed , as I suspected they might . Or maybe the genes that make her attentive to men of an age kicked in . Maybe the thing to do next time she feels so awful is to bring a man around for a visit . This duplicates entries in my journal , Funny the World , which I have been writing since March 2000 . The reason for starting a mirror blog is for people who prefer to subscribe thru an rss feed . The title is a quote from The Mikado , " Is this a time for airy persiflage ? " ( light banter ) . Yes , I am ! |
Allowing plenty of time , got to Atria at 10 : 00 and let myself into her apartment and yes , she was sleeping . I woke her up and she was very groggy , but she got dressed and I went out to get her some coffee , which helped wake her up a bit more . I could tell from how she was looking around the room that she didn 't have a clue where she was . This was one of her off days , and being awakened early didn 't help that . I think one of the most frustrating things for me . . . and definitely for her . . . is that she wakes up not knowing where she is and what she should be doing , but knowing that she should be doing something . Some days this isn 't a big deal , other days it borders on anxiety about not being able to remember what she is supposed to do . I have tried giving her something simple to do , but she doesn 't want to do anything I suggest and just stares at me what that little kid standing defiantly in front of Mommy and refusing to do whatever it is that she is asked to do . I brought her the piece that her sister Barb had written when she first realized she was losing her memory . I wasn 't sure my mother could follow it , but thought she would try , because it was something from one of her sisters to whom she was the closest . She held it and looked off and said " You know . . . I can 't remember Barb . I don 't remember who she is . " I told her that she was her sister and she asked if she died or not . Today she was just very vague and following me around when we left the building . I told her many times on the ride to Kaiser where we were going and why we were going there . Sometimes she remembers something vague about an accident , but most times it 's a new piece of information every time . We went into the procedure room and a nurse asked her name . She could remember her first name , but not her last . The nurse checked the bridge of her nose ( I had to remind my mother why she was doing this - - that she 'd had a fall ) . She said there was something covering the stitches , something that seemed almost metallic . She thought maybe makeup , but I don 't think my mother has any makeup , and if she does , she hasn 't used it in a very long time . Neither of us could figure out what it was . Whatever it was it seemed to be caked on her nose and she put a wet gauze on it to see if she could soften the . . . whatever it was . . . up enough that she could clean the wound . The nurse went off to find her doctor to check the stitches and I swear , this woman has been my doctor too for many years and I 've always considered her more of a statistician than a physician , since she seems more concerned with numbers ( blood pressure , blood sugar , etc . ) than actual health . She doesn 't really " know " me at all . She walked in , said hello , didn 't examine my mother 's stitches at all . didn 't seem to know why she was there , and walked out again , Soon , the nurse was back with her and this time she did , under the nurse 's request , check the stitches and decided that they weren 't ready to come out yet , and that we should return on Friday . So we have to do the whole thing over again . We left and drove back to Atria . When we got out of the car she stood in the middle of the parking lot while I locked the car , as if she didn 't have a clue where to go . She asked where we were going and I said we were going inside the building " This is where you live , " I said . " I do ? " she asked . When we got inside she said she thought it looked familiar . We went to her apartment and I gathered up her laundry to bring home to wash . Some of it was in the hamper , some of it was in the waste basket . When i had it all collected I went to tell her goodbye . She was sitting on the couch looking lost . She said " so I 'm supposed to sit here and someone will tell me what to do , right ? " I told her what she was supposed to do was to lie down and take a nap , but that brought the defiant " I don 't have to do that if I don 't want to " face and I kissed her goodbye . As I left , she was sitting there , looking around the room and , I 'm fairly certain , trying to figure out where she was and I know she was trying to figure out what she was supposed to be doing . I came home and did a marathon reading session . I was so into the first Mickey Bolitar book that we finished in the car that I immediately ordered the second one and zipped through it . It ended at a place I couldn 't just leave so I ordered the third one , very frustrated when it seemed to be taking forever to get to my Kindle . When I went to Amazon and checked the order found I had inadvertently ordered the paperback . I was able to cancel that order and order the Kindle version , which was delivered instantly so I am now into that book , the third in the series . Thank goodness the series ends with book 3 . I didn 't get much accomplished but did finish the book and got my old desk completely cleared of junk . Now all that is left on the top of that desk is things I have to find room for in the new office . Today I have the day " off " since it is Logos day . Tuesday , but all the Music Circus shows start on Tuesday . Not really sure why . It 's especially confusing in a week like this when I have five shows to review in 7 days . When I got up this morning I was sure it must be Saturday , at least . But it 's only Wednesday . We saw two shows over the weekend . One was The Totalitarians , about which I wrote yesterday . Then for our anniversary the next day we saw a show called Clever Little Lies , a comedy about marital infidelity - - surely a wonderful theme for an anniversary . It was a hilarious comedy , until suddenly it wasn 't . I haven 't written the review yet . I 'm trying to figure out how to explain how funny it is , without giving away the fact that it doesn 't end as funny as it begins . Then last night Dolly was back where she belonged , as Hello Dolly opened on the Music Circus stage . It was about the hottest day of the week , so walking to the theater from our parking slot was like doing exercise in a sauna , but thank God the theater is air conditioned . When I first started reviewing , Music Circus shows took place in a giant tent . I think they had blowers blowing air in at intermission , but the heat combined with the terribly uncomfortable " directors chairs " made attending a show less than pleasant . But when you wake up the next morning it 's Wednesday and your week doesn 't end until Sunday . . . and there are two more shows to review between now and then . This week it 's Cyrano de Bergerac on Thursday and Bells are Ringing on Friday . Both are part of the Davis Shakespeare Ensemble 's now - annual summer festival , where they do two non - Shakespeare shows and run them for about six weeks each . So we won 't be at the BBQ and we won 't see Brianna 's All Star game , but hope to go down a couple of weeks later , when the dust settles up here . The last time I saw the girls was Christmas and I 'm itching to see them again ! Thank goodness I started writing to them so I feel at least still a part of their lives especially when Brianna answers me ! So not going also puts less pressure on me to clean out the living room before Ashley and Dave move in here to dog sit . What with Swap Bot projects deadlines and reviews to write the relocation into my office is going slowly . It 's kind of like the process that I use when writing a review . I write a bit , then go do something else - - often just sitting and staring into space while my mind races . With the office reorganization , I put a few things away , then sit and try to figure out what I am going to do next . I could easily just move it all in and sort through it after it 's out of the living room , but if Ned has gone to all this trouble to give me this organized office , I want to return everything thoughtfully and not just throw something on a shelf , but decide why it goes on that shelf . Theoretically , with the books I have donated to Logos , you 'd think that the remaining books would all fit on the shelves , but there are two problems with that . First , before the reorganization , I had books stacked two - deep on the shelf , which meant that there were many books I hadn 't seen in years and didn 't realize I had . I don 't want to do that now , which means that I start out with half the shelf space I had for the same number of books . Also , I had lots of binders in cabinets and other storage areas , binders for the Compassion kids , binders for collections of newsletters I have written over the years , binders for diaries of journal entries of trips we have taken before I started Funny the World . I have only ONE shelf that is tall enough for a binder , so those have to go there . I have a wonderful number of shelves but two are much too high for me to reach , so those will be for storage and I have to figure out what , other than movies and slides from the 1960s and 70s are best to go up there . So it just all takes thought and thinking sometimes leads to frantic depression about how I 'm ever going to get this done . But I will . And when it is finished it will be great . I just have to survive the growing pains . . . or is it shrinking pains ? Walt , a better man than I just about all the time , hauled furniture out to the dump and cleaned up the yard for garbage pick up tomorrow . Me ? I bought more plastic and spent a couple of hours watching my mother sleep . I dropped him off and then went out to Office Max , where I bought a thingy which is 4 plastic drawers on wheels , which I can use to put all the things that have been in the desk drawer I 've been using for 30 years . They aren 't quite as large , so I am limited , but that means making decisions about what to save and what to toss . The drawers are filled and I still have things left over , but I am a good way there . coming back from lunch ! She couldn 't remember if she had had lunch or not , but she had coffee breath , so I assume she did . But she was out in public ! It may be that she was just feeling better and not remembering what she looked like , just went to lunch as she always does . I 'm in the middle of writing a review of a show we saw on Saturday called " The Totalitarians " by Peter Sinn Nachtrieb . It 's a mostly hilarious comedy , but about 10 minutes into it , I decided that this was actually Donald Trump 's playbook . There is a Sarah Palin - type candidate named Penny Easter running for governor of Nebraska who comes up with the slogan " Freedom From Fear " and hands out tattoos with " FFF " on them . You land the " Freedom from Fear " moment and everyone raises their fists in the air . At first dead silence , just fists . F - F - F . F - F - F . F - F - F . And then a whisper growing , the crowd beings to chant " Fff fff fff fff fff . As we were driving down the freeway listening to Says You on the radio , we passed a billboard for The Buckhorn . Winters is about 10 miles from Davis . I suggested that we go there instead . It was a longer drive ( thus we could listen to more of the show ) and it felt like more of a special place . And so we did . It was only 4 : 30 when we got to Winters , but it was about 100 ⁰ when we got out of the car , so we went straight to the air conditioned restaurant , which says it opens for dinner at 5 , but it was already pretty full , this being Sunday and all , I guess . It was easy to order . I knew what I was having even before we got to the place . There aren 't many places that we go to anyway where you can get lamb and I was lookin ' to gnaw me some lamb bone ( trying to forget the contradiction of my hating the game heads on the wall , but looking forward to eating a lamb ) . along with a basket filled with warm sourdough bread . . . which really is sour and a generous mound of butter . I usually fill up on this stuff and then am too full for dinner , but , remembering that , I only finished half of my salad tonight . When the rack of lamb arrived , I was glad that I had . It was on a bed of garlic mashed potatoes and had a little bowl of a mint sauce , along with the green beans . On this , our 51st anniversary , it seems appropriate to print what my aunt Barb wrote to us on our 25th anniversary , about our wedding day : When your mother and dad were celebrating their twenty fifth year of wedded bliss , they invited Unc and I to attend the festivities . Because of poor health , poor car and no gas , we had to send them our condolences by mail , along with a note of remembrances of their wedding day . Tho ' I 've not gotten an invitation from you to attend this years festivities , or any other years festivities , I 'm going to try and control my " hurt " and write a note of remembrances of the first day of the rest of your life 's wedded bliss . Your wedding day is and always will be etched in my mind - and I 'm sure the reason for that is , I am still , after all these many years , having nightmares about it . Now , I know you 're thinking - " Why should dear old auntie be having nightmares about my wedding ? " My answer to that : " Little does the bride and groom know what goes on at their own nuptials . " They are the stars and have no thought , or in fact care , as to the rest of the cast or what the audience thinks or does . I 'm thinking of writing a pamphlet of do 's or don ' ts on this subject - but here I digress . Unc and I were very excited about being invited to your wedding . Those were very lean years for us and I knew I didn 't have the proper clothes to wear for such an elegant occasion . I did not want you or your mother to be ashamed of me - so trying to appear at my best I discussed the situation with my friends and neighbors . They all took pity on me and for the sake of my peace of mind they pooled their resources ( their clothes ) and sent me off to the city in style . Your Uncle Bill was president of The World Sign Association in those years , so he had all the grand clothes because he had to look real spiffy and presidential at the meetings . Because I didn 't have anything to wear but rags , I had to stay at home with the babies . That has been my lot in life for fifty - one years , bAuntie BarbJune , 1997 Ned finished it while I was at Atria this afternoon and when I got home , I was all set up - - computer , printer , and TV . All these shelves ! I hope to fill them in a more organized fashion ( but probably won 't ! ) But I love that all of my Compassion kids binders are all together on one shelf now . I took the morning off from Atria because my mother 's step son was stopping by to visit her , and I had my monthly lunch date with my friend Kathy . I was on the way to the restaurant when I had a phone call from the step son letting me know that my mother seemed to have a pain in her finger and had anybody checked that ? I couldn 't believe it . I had written to him TWICE giving him a full report on the accident , including the sprained fingers . I assured him that the doctor was aware of the problem , that she had been ex - rayed and that I had explained it to her at least 100 times . I also had a call earlier in the day from someone at Atria . She said " I 'm here with your mother . She 's a little confused and doesn 't seem to remember what happened to her . " I told her too that it had been explained to her a zillion times and would probably explain a zillion more times . Lunch with Kathy was interesting . Naturally we talked a lot about politics . Her son and his husband don 't know what is going to happen to them . His husband is from Portugal and is working on his PhD . He will get his PhD in another couple of years . Her son has a guest visa because he is married to his husband . But since the husband never established permanent residency in England because he didn 't need to , under the EU , he doesn 't know if he will be allowed to stay . . . and if he can 't stay , does his husband lose his guest visa ? After lunch , I went to Atria . The stepson had stayed less than an hour , according to the guest book But at least he came which is more than anybody else in the bay area has done . I stayed until about 5 . Her bruising is more extensive today She took a nap , and I did too . We sat there and stared at each other for about an hour . Occasionally she would tell me that her fingers hurt and she didn 't know why . At one point she told me that she didn 't know why , but all she could think of in the back of her head was that she wanted to walk and just keep on walking forever . I wondered if this , combined with her obsession with seeing her mother lately meant anything . I decided to turn on the TV and tried to find something that she might be interested in enough to look . I tried Ellen but she just turned to me and said " do you understand anything that is going on ? " I finally just turned the set off . She is beyond being able to watch TV and enjoy it . I think I 'm glad we don 't have a cow . I checked out the plagues of Egypt and think we are experiencing them . The first plague was blood . OK , it was the water turning into blood , but there was certainly enough blood on Ned 's finger two days ago to qualify as a plague of blood . It 's more difficult to figure out how my mother 's accident jives with the plague of frogs , I 'm sure something about " croaking " would be in there somewhere . Day 3 of the plagues is the plague of insects . Then God ordered Aaron to strike the dust of the earth with his staff , and no sooner did he do so than all over Egypt bugs crawled forth from the dust to cover the land . Man and beast suffered untold misery from this terrible plague . That 's kind of what happened when the garage door guy , who was here this morning to fix the garage door which had come off its hinges , found when he started to investigate . We are rich in termites , poor only in what a hit our bank account will take in order to eradicate them . Day 4 has something to do with livestock being infected , but I think if I toss a bit of lamb 's blood on the door post we 'll be OK . Walt is meeting with termite guy next week and by God , if he tells me I need to pack up all my stuff so he can spray , I may just possibly have a first class hissy fit . While Walt was dealing with termines , I packed up and headed to Atria , where I spent the day . She actually slept until noon and when she woke up , she was brighter than she had been the day before . She still doesn 't have a clue what happened or why her fingers are so sore and I must have explained that to her 100 times . Her face today looks horrible , as the bruising has set in . But actually by the time I left at 6 I could see it was looking better , though anyone seeing her for the first time would be appalled . Other than being shocked at her appearance , she didn 't seem to be too upset until we were going to the dining room for dinner and she saw herself again , for the first time in a couple of hours , and decided she didn 't want anybody seeing her , which I certainly understood . ( So I ordered a dinner to be brought to her room before I left to come home . ) Not only did she sleep until noon , but she also took about an hour and a half nap in the afternoon , so I got a lot of reading in and actually finished my book , " Broadway Tails : Heartfelt Stories of Rescued Dogs Who Became Showbiz Superstars " by Bill Berloni . Fascinating story and there is even a sort of friend of mine in it - - Moose , who was the first traveling company Sandy for Annie . I used to chat with Moose at Sacramento 's Music Circus every night when I was driving the local " mutt " in from Davis for his brief stint in Act 1 . My mother 's step son is going to stop by tomorrow and I 'll be curious to see what he has to say . Her main complaint is her fingers . She can 't get it through her head that they are sprained ( and she doesn 't know how she sprained them ) . The big problem is that the first two fingers on each hand are very sore yet she keeps her hands clasped together , fingers interlocking . When I give her the old line " It hurts when you do that ? DON ' T DO THAT ! " she will look very guilty , unlock her hands and then proceed to squeeze finger in order over and over again to see if they still hurt . I poined out to her that yesterday , when I tried to clean her up with a wet tissue , the very touch of the tissue , without pressure , caused her to scream out in pain , so she had come a long way in a day . But of course , she has lost the ability for cause and effect relationships and she didn 't pay any attention to what I was saying . I was drained when I came home . I don 't do anything , really , when I 'm there ( except today I did a load of dishes that w * * * I have been getting more sleep than I usually do lately . . . and it 's kind of nice . Yesterday I went to bed early and got up around 4 : 30 a . m . I didn 't feel sleepy , so read my book for awhile , then got a glass of ice water ( which I usually have first thing in the morning ) and promptly fell asleep . At 9 : 30 the phone rang . The caller ID said it was my mother , but she always calls my cell phone and yes , it was not my mother . It was someone from Atria calling to let me know she had had a fall . I said I 'd be there in 10 minutes and probably made it in less . When I got to Atria there were 2 fire engines and an ambulance . I got to her apartment and there was nobody there , so I went to the front desk , where they said that they had sent her to Kaiser in Vacaville . When I got outside , the fire engines were gone , but the ambulance was still there so I called out to them and went down there to see if she was inside , which she was . She was very confused and wasn 't sure why she was in the ambulance . The paramedic asked if she normally knew things like the year and the month and I told him no . She was in a room in the ER and very confused . She didn 't know why she was there , doesn 't remember falling , and is very upset that her fingers hurt . She also wanted to know what the liquid was that was trickling down her face ( blood ) . Over the time we were there , she had x - rays on her hands ( fingers sprained ) and a CT scan to see if she had a concussion ( no ) . While she was gone , I had a nice conversation with a social service worker and we talked about dementia and alzheimers . She gave me her phone # in case I have things I want to discuss with her . When she returned to the ER room , the doctor put 5 stitches in her forehead and then went off to find the scans that had been taken ( this took a long time ) . Now she wanted to know again why she was there . When I mentioned the stitches , she asked when she had stitches because she didn 't remember that at all . I knew that I couldn 't go off and leave her alone , so I planned to spend the afternoon . Figuring she would sleep , I stopped by the house here and picked up my Kindle . It was a good stop because Ned was here and he always brings such sunshine to his visits with his grandma . She stayed in the car and he went out to spend some time with her . Back at Atria , someone came to explain what actually happened . Apparently she fell getting out of bed and was bleeding so much she went out into the hall to find help . She has a pendant to wear , but she has stopped wearing it and even when she wears it , she doesn 't know what it is for , so I don 't know that it would have helped her . But they also told me that the day before someone found that she had taken her bed apart and had removed the mattress . Whoever it was asked if she knew where she was . She said that yes , she was in San Francisco and was looking for a phone to call her mother . In the late afternoon , she asked me " where is our mother ? " I said " did you mean where is YOUR mother ? " She said no , where was OUR mother and then snapped back and realized that I was her daughter , not her sister . " It 's not a construction project unless a little blood is spilled , " said Ned as he wrapped gauze around his finger . The Frozen band aid I offered him wasn 't going to do it , though I would have enjoyed seeing him with Princesses Anna and Elsa decorating his pointer finger , and it would have made a funny picture to send to Brianna and Lacie . But this was heavy duty blood . Thank goodness we were able to find gauze pads and tape ( though the tape was in the desk that my computer desk is now covering up ) . We so seldom ( i . e . , almost never ) need first aid supplies any more . I think the tape was from my cataract surgery . . . the first one . The rest of what he did was little painting stuff ( like a second coat of enamel on the desk top ) and building a cover for where the modem and wifi will go . He also took out a lot of tools , so it 's starting to look like an office again . I put some boxes up ( but they won 't stay in that spot . . . still it was nice to see something on the shelf ) . An e - mail I received during the morning was a lovely surprise . . . Amazon apparently had to give its customers rebates because of some Antitrust Settlement I knew nothing about . But I was delighted to hear they had added a not small amount to my account and I was able to buy 3 kindle books I 've had on my wish list but didn 't want to spend the money for . I still have money left in my account , which is delightful . " Plastics , " the man says , explaining that plastics were the wave of the future . That was 1967 . His prophecy has come true and plastics are everywhere . Take this little tower thingy . It is made up of three sets of three plastic shelves , each approximately 7 " square ( a little over 7 " in length ) . It is my new tower of stickers . I use stickers . Lots of stickers . I decorate letters to the girls and send them stickers when I write to them . I use them in creating pocket letters . I send them to the Compassion kids . I share them with members of Swap Bot . They have all been in one big box and trying to find something takes forever . But now I have a tower of stickers . It took me over an hour yesterday to set up drawers for : Disney , Irish , " critters " ( non specific animals ) , dogs , cats , smiley faces , butterflies , hearts and flowers . Those are the categories of stickers I have the most of . I still have a lot of other oddball stickers , but now the stack is much smaller and much easier to plough through when looking for just the right sticker . I love Washi tape . It 's the Japanese paper tape that you can use to decorate anything . The one really nice thing about Washi is that if you don 't like where you positioned it on a piece of paper , you can pick it up and reposition it . I always decorate the girls ' envelopes with Washi and use it for lots of other craft projects . I have lots and lots of Washi tape ( I also get sent Washi tape ) . Now I have two big boxes in which to store most of the rolls of tape . I love those little plastic boxes . I could fit more Washi into the bigger box without them , but I like having them in groups of 4 rolls . They stay neater that way . I have similar boxes for oversized patterned paper books and individual sheets . It was the very first " big show " that Paul ever did . He played Winthrop , the little kid who sings " Gary , Indiana . " Jeri was Amarylis in that production , the girl who takes piano lessons from Marian the Librarian and joins her in singing " Good Night My Someone . " Later that same year , Paul was cast to play Winthrop again in a production at a huge amphitheater in Oakland . He stayed with friends of ours who had suggested he audition for the part during rehearsal and the show itself . When their awards ceremony came around , he was one of the kids nominated as " Best Child Actor , " and won . You 'd think it would be difficult for me to see " Gary , Indiana , " but it 's not . There are so many cute kids who play Winthrop and the kid yesterday was adorable , so I enjoy the performance , not the memories . But when the finale of Act 1 comes on and they sing " Wells Fargo Wagon " and Winthrop has his big solo wondering if there could be " thomething thpecial jutht for me " I picture 10 year old Paul taking center stage and I just lose it every time . I sat there yesterday with tears rolling down my cheeks , trying to wipe them away before the lights came up for intermission . So Music Man is always a mixed bag . It is probably my favorite musical , but it is also the one that is fraught with the most memories . And what better way to spend Father 's Day than seeing " the family musical " ? The show ended at 5 and we had been invited to join family at Marta 's sister 's house for a Father 's Day barbeque . Since it was a very hot day , I didn 't want to bring food to share and have it sit in a hot car for 2 - 1 / 2 hours , so we stopped for food after the show . I also took the opportunity to run to Office Max , next door to Safeway , to pick up another box for the office . Earlier in the day , I had stopped by Atria to deliver a gorgeous basket of red carnations I had found at Michael 's for my mother . They look so real and they won 't die on her , which is always a plus . She was unintentionally funny today and though on the one hand it was sad , on the other hand , I couldn 't help but laugh at what happened . After awhile we went to her apartment . I had her pills for next week to leave for her and I was fairly certain that if I left her sitting in the hall , she would not remember to take the flowers with her when she went back to her apartment . And I was right , because even when I reminded her to take them , her reaction was " Oh ? Are those for We got to the apartment and I went to put her pills in the bathroom , where I always leave them . I saw that the previous week 's pill box still had two days ' worth of pills in it . It had been 3 days since I was last there and when I was there , there were two days ' worth of pills not yet taken , so she hasn 't been taking her pills . She got herself a glass of water , and two cookies and went to sit down and dutifully eat her cookies . I got her pills and handed them to her . " What are those ? " she asked , and then said " Oh . . . do I take pills ? " We went on a hunny hunt this afternoon , in search of Pooh Corner , where it was rumored that a party was being held for Ashley and her husband and their soon - to - be - born son , Gabe . It was an absolutely perfect day , weather wise . It has been in the 70s this week ( unusually cool ) , but today could not have been better and tomorrow it is scheduled to go back into the 100s . The weather gods smiled on Ashley and Dave today ! We didn 't know most people there , but had a wonderful time sitting pool side and watching the fun there . I loved it when I realized that the pool had adults , kids , babies and a dog all in it at the same time . This kid was my favorite , though . I am so thrilled for Ashley , who has wanted to be a Mom for a long time . This baby will also be the first grandchild in the family . And I 'm so thrilled that she thinks of us as close enough friends to invite to her shower . I wouldn 't have missed it for the world ( but I 'm glad I missed the " diaper game " ) . The one on the bottom left is what I hope is the start of making some sense out of the mountain of stickers I have ( top drawer , dog stickers ; middle drawer , heart stickers ; bottom drawer , flower stickers ) . The bottom right has 14 " square paper , the bottom booklets of it , the top individual sheets . The box with the pink lock has many sections into which i can easily separate the kinds of things I put in pockets of pocket letter . Someone told me I should shop at the Container Store . The nearest one is in Sacramento and I checked out their web site . What I found was mind boggling . Just looking at it made my head hurt . So many decisions ! But I thought I 'd start small ( er ) and go to Michael 's . Even there the choices were staggering . I bought the boxes that I showed above , but then thought about : Each was 60 % off ( another plus of Michaels . Sales everywhere ) . Ned had given me dimensions of some of the slots that were going to be able to be filled when this is all finished . My goal is to get as much stuff into identifiable containers ( i . e . , labeled with contents , or clear so it 's obvious ) to keep it from getting dusty and falling on the floor . E . g . , I want a container for paper scraps , which I sometimes use on projects , but which are too small to keep corralled unless they are put into something . . . but where to put them ? I brought in another Blue Apron box and another bag of books to Logos today . Ned is making such progress on my office that I will soon have to see if I have gotten rid of enough books or if more strict downsizing is required ! My first customer today was a mom with two kids , who spent some time in the kids room . Her son bought a kid 's mystery ( not Nancy Drew or the Hardy Boys ) A woman in a SF Giants cap bought a contemporary fiction book , a story which takes place in China . A quartet of young women came in . One was tall , wearing tight fitting torn jeans and a floppy brimmed hat . The three others had short - short shorts and one of those had a hat too . They went half way down one aisle and across through another , each one of them dragging her hand across the books , without stopping to look at them , and then out the front door again . Weird . A grown up childhood friend of our kids bought a book on the history of Middle Earth . We discussed the Davis heat and I mentioned how I was enjoying these 75 ⁰ days this week . He says he is too , but his garden doesn 't do well when it 's cooler and that when the temps zoom up 30 ⁰ to over 100 ⁰ later this week , all of the veggies in his garden will go crazy . A lovely British lady spent some time in the children 's room and bought a book of trees and a book of butterflies , along with a bargain book she found outside . A rugged looking guy bought 2 books on hiking in California . He also bought an art book and book on the history of the English language . He paid by credit card and we discussed how the new computer chips are so much slower , and wondering how their security is . A curly - headed guy wearing camouflage shorts with black socks that went up past his knees , a Cal Aggie sweatshirt and a lanyard with " East Bay " printed on it bought a geography book . A short stocky woman with a short pony tale bought a bargain book and a contemporary fiction . An older woman carrying an Avid Reader bag ( that 's the store that sells new books a block away ) came n looking for " Engineers of Victory " by Paul KenPosted by Beth Ruyak , host of Capital Public Radio 's program , " Insight " since 2012 , has worked as a reporter , anchor , producer , and writer . She hosted daytime television , magazine shows , special events and live coverage . Among the highlights of her career : sideline reporting from 5 Olympic Games and Super Bowl XXV , traversing Europe for 3 Tour de France bicycle races ( becoming the first woman television journalist to cover the event ) , co - hosting " The Home Show , " and guest co - hosting " Good Morning America . " Her news , sports and health reporting have earned Emmy awards and opportunities to interview , learn from and tell stories about people all over the world . Jeff picked me up at 8 a . m . and we drove in to Sacramento , where we sat in the green room awaiting our turn to be interviewed . I was calm , cool , collected . We were going to discuss something I knew something about . No need to be nervous . Stacey Powell , the author of the book " The Finance Gym Action Plan for a Better Life with Money : Don 't just know better . Do better " came in . She was on the segment before ours , talking about a touring program she is doing to publicize her newly - printed book . She was a very nice lady . I signed the guest book . I looked back on all the other signatures over the months and tried to be clever . I just wrote " Omigod , you guys " and signed my name . Cryptic , but to the point , and on topic ! Eventually they led us to the interview room and sat us close to our big microphones . Beth had said she would hand me the first question , which was about whether I go to Music Circus much . Easy - - every show for the past 16 years ( when I started getting critic tickets ; before that it was too expensive ! ) She played some sound clips Jeff had made last night , including the ubiquitous " Omigod , you guys " . She asked me something and I gave her an answer she didn 't expect - - telling her about a member of the original cast coming out of retirement for one last production . She was quite surprised when I told her it was Chico , the Chihuahua . Jeri and I were supposed to do a FaceTime with my mother , but the time got mixed up and in the end , we decided to reschedule for next week . I have to face the fact that my mother no longer has " bad memory days . " Bad memory is every day . For once , I had something " exciting " to tell her . I told her about my interview and she seemed to be following , but when I mentioned that the weather was cold when we left the radio station , she said " what were you doing at a radio station . " When I said I was there for an interview and she asked why I hadn 't told her anything about it . Sigh . Chico plays Elle 's dog , Bruiser and is very professional . He 's trained by William Berloni , 2011 Tony honoree for Excellence in Theater and trainer for just about any animal appearing on Broadway , starting with the original Sandy in the first production of " Annie . " Chico ( his understudy Roxie is also a Broadway veteran ) didn 't miss a cue , made all of his exits , barked on command and performed his big moment , running across the room , jumping onto a bed , and into a dog carrier , flawlessly . I am currently reading Berloni 's autobiography and it 's fascinating . His career started when someone told him to go and get a dog for a new show they were developing , a little show based on the Little Orphan Annie cartoons . Berloni had never trained a dog before and rescued a dog he ended up calling Sandy from euthanasia at the last minute . On the whole , it was a good production . Legally Blonde as well as the sequel Legally Blonde 2 are two of my guilty pleasures . Movies that are pretty dumb , but which I find " fetching , " perhaps because of the performance of Reese Witherspoon . Ned was here today and spent most of the day on the floor strengthening the desk . No way it is evergoing to collapse . He also started putting up shelves . It 's starting to look very good . He thinks another three trips and it might be ready for occupancy . I have a feeling that plastic containers are going to become my best friends ! Yesterday 's mail brought a wonderful surprise - - a real letter from Brianna . She has sent me letters before , but this one was a page long and more like a real letter . She also sent me two rolls of decorative tape , the kind I use to decorate the letters I send to both of the girls . I 'm having such fun with them . The one on the left was a dog theme , and the one on the right was an A - B - C theme , where each pocket was a different letter . I took it one step further and tried to make all thegoodies inside the pockets start with that letter too . The H pocket , for example , was full of heart stickers , the G pocket had gum in it . The B pocket ( B for " baby toes " ) had a letter from me because my name starts with B . I have five more scheduled in the next month . I 've learned that there are a lot of " codes " to be aware of when working in a hospital . When you hear a code over the loudspeaker , you immediately know what is going on , where it is happenng , and what to do about it . I wear a card around my neck , along wth my identification tag , which lists the codes on it , along with instructions for what to do . I hadn 't heard a code called since I 've been working at Sutter , but yesterday a Code Grey was called twice . Both times for the same room , several hours apart . In fact , I was coming back from the Auxiliary Room when it was called the second time and nearly got run over by a very large security guard running for the elevator . I checked on the room where the Code Grey was . It was a room that had two visitors that day , earlier the spouse of the patient , bringing flowers , and later the adult chld of the patient . The patient was 86 years old , so who knows if this was a problem with the family or an out of control senile person . I hope only the latter . I 'd hate to think that the two very nice visitors caused a ruckus . It was otherwise an OK day at the information desk . A woman came in asking who could clean up " a mess " she had made outside . Apparently she had spilled soup down her front and I gave her a towel to clean up and called for someone to clean the " mess . " When the facilities person came , neither she , nor the guy from Human Resources , the ubiquitous Dodie , could find a mess anywhere . Then there was the woman who showed up , walking slowly in her walker . She said she was late and she had an appointment and where should she go ? I asked the name of her doctor , but she didn 't know the name . Then I asked what department she was supposed to go to , and she didn 't know that . I asked her what herappointment was for and she didn 't know , but said she had diabetes and " maybe it 's for that . " I took a stab and called Internal Medicine . At least the patient knew her own name . While I was on the phone to Internal Medicine , her daughter came in and I handed her the phone to explain what was going on , thinking she might know more than her mother . She didn 't either , but said she thought maybe it had something to do with her heart . The receptionist put them on hold and I told them that both Internal Medicine and Cardiac were in a different building . She waited a long time and finally decided they 'd just go there instead , since they were late already . They started toward the back of the hospital and I told them it was the building on the other side of the parking lot and they were very indignant that they would have to walk all that way , because they were already late . I stayed on the line waiting for the person to come back and it turned out that Internal Medicine had forwarded the call to Sacramento and the woman there didn 't have a clue what I was talking about . I hope she got to where she was supposed to be . I didn 't see her again . After those two little flurries , the rest of the day was very calm . I was a reading a book that was not gripping , the front desk was somewhat stuffy and I had a terrible time staying awake . In fact , I nodded off several times , to ber awakened by someone standing at the desk . Very embarrassing . When I got up to cook dinner , my body was just out of sorts . In fact , I felt pretty much like my mother described yesterday . I managed to get dinner cooked , but didn 't have the least interest in eating . I watched the first episode of Brain Dead ( which described how I felt ! ) , which is an odd new show and I 'm not sure how I feel about it yet , and then decided all I really wanted was to go to sleep , so I went into the living room , fully expecting to wake up around midnight , but I slept until 4 : 30 and then went back to sleep in the recliner and slept another two hours , waking up feeling normal again , but really not wanting a pork chop for breakfast . Ned was here in the morning to pick up paint so he could paint brackets at his house . He said he had stopped by have breakfast with his grandmother first and I asked how she was and he said she was fine . He called her first and woke her up but when he got there she was up , dressed and with makeup on . So I guess the problems of the day before had passed , as I suspected they might . Or maybe the genes that make her attentive to men of an age kicked in . Maybe the thing to do next time she feels so awful is to bring a man around for a visit . This duplicates entries in my journal , Funny the World , which I have been writing since March 2000 . The reason for starting a mirror blog is for people who prefer to subscribe thru an rss feed . The title is a quote from The Mikado , " Is this a time for airy persiflage ? " ( light banter ) . Yes , I am ! |
I was born to Selma and Raymond Brown . Raymond Brown was the Rev . Raymond Brown of the Northwest Evangelical Church of God . Actually , it should have been called the Northwest Evangelical Church of God Hates Fags . In spite of all the horrific wars , crimes , poverty , starvation , child abuse , pedophilia , and so on , for some reason , which I cannot fathom any longer , ninety nine out of a hundred of my father 's sermons were focused on hating gays . Not unlike the folks at Westboro Baptist , that , to him , seemed to be the entire focus of the Bible . I don 't know how he was able to do it , but he was able to put significant variety into his sermons while saying the same thing week after week after week . Of course , I could quote any verse in the Bible by the time I was ten and spent a good part of each day doing just that with my father . I was home - schooled by my mother . I learned reading , writing , arithmetic , geography , and history as my parents interpreted it . I learned about bad presidents and good , God - fearing presidents . I learned about heathen countries and about good , God - fearing countries . Most importantly , I learned about our country 's descent into depravity . I learned how our heathen government was destroying the family as God decreed it to be by accepting and embracing the homosexual lifestyle . By the time I was eleven , I was convinced that every American was going to hell except , of course , my father 's congregation . While they would be spending eternity dancing on hot coals , we would be spending eternity sitting on the right hand of God in eternal paradise . By twelve , I was standing beside my father behind the pulpit , preaching fire and brimstone with as much or more passion than he did . At thirteen , as things began to change , and I began to grow and my voice began to deepen , my parents explained to me that I was becoming a man … the God - fearing , fire and brimstone - preaching man God intended me to be . Once I had fully matured , I would be responsible for teaching God 's plan to the heathens . I would be responsible for saving America from its backward slide into decadence . I spent nearly every waking hour with either my mom or my dad , being groomed to become America 's saviour . I was the Chosen One . I was so wrapped up in the life my parents had created for me , I spent little or no time with kids my own age . The funny thing was that I saw nothing wrong with that . I was the Chosen One and I never questioned that fact . For the next four years , I worked with my father and preached up a storm . There were days when you could almost smell the fire and brimstone when walking past the church on a Sunday morning . Then , a few months after I turned seventeen , I was doing something very unusual . I was taking a break from my studies and sitting alone on the front steps of the church . I noticed a boy about my age walking down the street . When he saw me , he gave a little wave , came over and sat down beside me . " Hi , " he said . That got us into a conversation about the only things I knew anything about , the church , the Bible , and the homosexual agenda . I began to espouse my views on the state of American society and the only hope to save it . While I was doing so , a few of my fire and brimstone theories on homosexuality and homosexual practices began to emerge . He sat there listening to me with a look of total astonishment on his face for several minutes . Finally , he stopped me and asked , " Do you honestly believe all that ? " We must have spent the better part of an hour in discussion . However , for every verse I quoted to him , he had a comeback . Often , he had a verse that directly contradicted it . A couple we tossed back and forth were , Samuel 6 : 19 … God is cruel , unmerciful , destructive , and ferocious , contradicted by 1 John 4 : 16 … God is kind , merciful , and good . Matthew 6 : 13 … God tempts men , contradicted by James 1 : 13 … God tempts no man . I assume that , because I had never used them together or read them at the same time , it had never occurred to me that there were direct contradictions in the Bible . He also mentioned several things God had forbidden that , even I had to admit , were no longer considered valid today . Wives are to be ' submissive ' to their husbands ( I Peter 3 : 1 ) . Women are forbidden to teach men ( I Timothy 2 : 12 ) . Women are forbidden to wear gold or pearls ( I Timothy 2 : 9 ) or dress in clothing that ' pertains to a man ' ( Deuteronomy 22 : 5 ) . Eating shellfish and pork are forbidden ( Leviticus 11 : 7 , 10 ) . Shaving is forbidden ( Leviticus 19 : 27 ) . Wearing clothes of more than one fabric is forbidden ( Leviticus 19 : 19 ) . Adultery is strictly forbidden ( Deuteronomy 22 : 22 ) , which would include marriage after divorce . Then he asked me how I felt about Leviticus 26 : 44 - 45 , that says , you can buy slaves from foreign nations around you , and you can buy the children of foreigners staying in your country . He questioned me as to why Leviticus 18 - 22 was still valid and the others not . If one was still valid , then shouldn 't they all still be valid he questioned . After he left , I simply sat there for at least another half hour contemplating what he had said . I had never been challenged before and certainly not by someone as well versed in the Bible as I was . I had never been given reason to doubt anything I had been taught or read in the Bible before . However , I could not stop thinking about what he had said . Several things were condemned or forbidden in scripture . Why then were they all not still condemned equally today ? Why was homosexuaIn my father 's eyes , there was only one explanation for my deviant behaviour . It was the work of Satan , or so he said . I had been a powerful force against the works of Satan . I was blessed of the Holy Spirit . I was , as my father put it , the ' Chosen One ' to save America . But , I was now no longer myself . I had turned into someone else . It was blatantly obvious ; Satan was unleashing all his power to stop me . Unfortunately for me , my father was preparing to unleash all his powers to save me . I woke up one morning and when I tried to open my bedroom door to go to the bathroom , it was locked … locked from the outside . I immediately began banging on the door and calling to my parents to let me out . A minute or so later , I heard the sound of a padlock being lifted and unlocked . When my door opened , my father was standing there . " Why did you lock me in my room ? " I asked him . " Satan is in you boy , " he replied , " With the Almighty 's help , we are going release you from his unholy grip … or die trying . " I was allowed to go to the bathroom , for five minutes … with the door open . I was then ushered back into my room . As I sat on my bed , my mother brought me my breakfast . I was promptly informed that that would be my last meal for the foreseeable future . Starting today , I would begin fasting and my parents would sit with me in twelve - hour shifts . We would begin praying at noon today and pray non - stop , 24 / 7 , until I was free . My door was closed and as I heard the padlock relocked ; I suddenly felt a chill run through my entire body as the realization of what my father had just said hit me . He was going to defeat Satan and free me from his evil grip … even if it meant killing me . I immediately ran to my window only to find that it had been screwed closed and barred with one of those heavy - duty commercial sets of bars you see on some stores . I walked over , flopped down on my bed and wept . One meeting , one boy , one conversation , one hour , that 's all it took . My life would never be the same . However , given an hour or so , and allowing reason to take precedence over emotions , I began to realize a few things , the first being , that my father was , to say the very least , insane . If I was , in fact , the Chosen One , then God would never allow Satan to possess me , and He certainly wouldn 't allow my father to starve me to death . What 's the point of having a dead ' Chosen One ' ? After giving it some thought , and checking to see if my stash of cookies and chocolate bars was still under my bed , I decided I would play the game . We would carry out my father 's plan . Then , given a reasonable period of time , I would ' come to my senses ' and drive Satan out . I would then spend some time as my ' old ' fire and brimstone , pulpit pounding self . Then , when their guard was down , I would simply walk away , out of the church , out of their lives … but to where ? I had no idea . That is exactly what I did . Seven days into our prayathon , as my mother and I were denouncing Satan , I saw the light . I did spiritual battle and rid myself of Satan 's grasp . It was hallelujahs all around . My father was ecstatic . He had defeated Satan and I was , once again , the Chosen One . I found it quite amusing to listen to him rant on about how he , not God , had defeated Satan . Obviously my father was now more powerful than God . Hallelujah . The following Sunday , I gave the most rousing fire and brimstone sermon you could image . Half the congregation left as soon as it was over . I think I scared the hell right out of them . A few days after that , the padlock was taken off my door and I was once again free to move around the house . I composed a rather lengthy note explaining my reasons for leaving and informing them that there was little or no point in them looking for me as there was no way I was coming back . Two days later , at about 3 : 00 AM on the Friday morning , I packed everything I owned into my backpack and a duffle bag , left the note on my bed , slipped quietly down the stairs , out the front door , and onto the street . I had no idea where I was going . All I knew was … I was going . About four hours later , and as luck would have it , I found myself standing in front of the Metropolitan Community Church . I knew they were open to all members including gays . Not only that , but this was Terry 's church . I somehow felt comfortable being there , so I walked up to the front steps , sat down , dug a couple of chocolate bars out of my backpack , relaxed and watched the people rushing by to work or school . At about 7 : 30 , the front door of the church opened and a young guy , I assumed was the youth pastor , stepped out onto the front step . When he saw me , he took the few steps over to where I was and sat down beside me . " Oh , " he responded , " We have a few ex - members of your father 's congregation . I 've heard a lot about you actually . You 're the ' Chosen One ' right ? " " It sounds like this could be an interesting story , " he said with a smile , " I think we need to sit down over breakfast for this one . You hungry ? " I looked at my Mars bar , smiled , and replied , " A little , yes . Thank you . " We went into the parsonage and Ross proceeded to scramble some eggs and fry up several sausages . Once we sat down and began to eat , I realized just how hungry I was . An hour later , we had finished breakfast and I had told him my entire story , from being groomed to save America from its fall from grace , to meeting Terry , to his questioning my beliefs , to my dream and realizing I was attracted to him , to praying to God to take away my homosexual thoughts , to questioning myself and then my beliefs , to my extensive research when my prayers weren 't answered , and finally to my forced fasting and week - long prayathon , my plan , and my escape this morning . " You 've had a pretty rough time of it since meeting Terry , haven 't you ? " he asked . " That won 't even begin to get you a place to stay and I can 't just let you wander off , " he said , " I get the idea you 've been pretty sheltered your whole life so you have no idea what 's waiting for you out there . You won 't stand a chance . The streets will literally eat you alive . " " I 'll leave you two to chat , " Ross said after about a minute , " I think you 'll find Jacob 's story very interesting and I think you 'll find you two have a lot more in common than you realize . You just might find some things you want to tell each other . Oh , and Mom 's over at grandma 's and Dad is visiting the nursing home , so if you want lunch , you have to make your own . " For the next ten minutes , Terry and I rummaged through the fridge , found all the ingredients we needed and made ourselves a stack of ham and cheese sandwiches with a plate of vegetables and pickles on the side . Terry also poured us two very large glasses of milk . We chatted about this and that as we worked , but once we were done and were sitting down to eat , Terry asked , " Okay , obviously Ross knows your story , now I want to hear it . " Now I had a bit of a dilemma . Telling Ross , a total stranger who I thought was an MCC youth pastor was one thing . Telling Terry , who played a key intimate role in my ' fall from grace ' , was quite another . How do I tell him he was basically the sole reason I was sitting across the table from him in his kitchen ? How do I tell him about my dream ? How do I tell him I 'm gay ? How do I tell him I like him … a lot … and not in just a friendly way ? I was rapidly becoming very nervous and concerned . If I tell him and he hates me , then what will happen ? Will his dad still help me , or will I end up on the streets alone and , as Ross put it , eaten alive . As I sat there thinking , two things came to mind . One , Ross was not the slightest bit surprised or upset when I told him I was gay and about my dream about his brother . In fact , even though he knew all that , he suggested I could stay with them . Two , his comment , " I think you 'll find you have a lot more in common than you two realize and just might find some things you want to tell each other , " made me wonder … a lot in common … things you want to tell each other … ? " You can tell me anything , " he said , " Anything at all . I promise . You told Ross and if he 's cool with it , I 'll be cool with it , so you can tell me . " Terry immediately moved his chair next to mine and put his arm around my shoulders and gave me a little squeeze . When he did that I completely broke down . He just held me and kept telling me it would be okay . Not to worry , he would always be here for me . When I finally calmed down , I told him everything I told Ross , well almost everything . I did leave out some key points . I pulled away a little so I could turn and look at him . He was smiling and there was a gentleness in his eyes that I had never seen before . I learned later that that gentleness was love but , no one had ever looked at me with love in their eyes before , so I had no way of recognizing it . I can now though . " Okay , here goes , " he said quietly , " Jacob … I 'm gay and I haven 't been able to stop thinking about you since we met . In fact I 've almost driven Ross out of his mind talking about you all the time . " I know he felt me physically relax because he looked deep into my eyes and gave me a little smile . I couldn 't help but smile back . Then I told him about my dream and realizing I was attracted to him , about praying to God to make my homosexual thoughts go away , and about finally realizing that if God didn 't make them go away then He didn 't want them to go away . He wanted me this way . If God wanted me this way , then being gay was not a sin . It was okay . The longer I talked , the bigger Terry 's smile got . " So … you 're like me … and you like me , " he said again grinning when I finally stopped talking . That got me a gentle kiss … my first kiss ever … from a boy … and not just from any boy … from Terry … and it was perfect . Three or four kisses later , and after a lot of hugging , we decided to finish our lunch . As we were cleaning up , Ross came back . He didn 't burst through the door quite the way Terry did . In fact we didn 't know he was there until he cleared his throat . I was rinsing off the dishes in the sink . Terry had his arms around me from behind and was nibbling my neck . I think I turned several new shades of red . Terry just turned and said , " Hey , that didn 't take long . " " Here , I 'll show you , " he said as he led me to the bathroom and held up a shaving mirror so I could see . Sure enough , there was a little mark there . Kind of like a tiny little bruise . " I 'll be more careful from now on . " He said laughing , " Dad knows I 'm gay and he knows about you , but I don 't think he 'll be too impressed if your neck is covered in hickeys . " " Your dad knows about me ? " I asked as he led me out of the bathroom and into his room . " He just laughed at first , " he replied , " But then he warned me to be careful . With a father like yours and from what he 'd heard about you , he said I was going after the impossible . He was afraid I was just going to be hurt and disappointed . " " And are you disappointed ? " I asked with a grin . " Well it 's not dream . " I said as I cuddled up to him on his bed . Unfortunately I had not slept for more than thirty hours and within ten minutes , I had fallen asleep . Not long after I dozed off , so did Terry I guess . It was almost five o ' clock when he shook me and I slowly regained consciousness . When I did , he informed me that , not only had we slept all afternoon , but also his mom and dad were home . That second little announcement had me wide - awake . I didn 't have a lot of time to think about it as ten seconds later we were walking hand - in - hand into the kitchen . His mom was busy getting dinner ready and his dad was working on something at the table . As we walked in , they both stopped what they were doing and looked at us . Again , I found several new shades of red to turn and I think I was probably glowing . Terry , on the other hand , was beaming . " Mom , Dad , this is my boyfriend , Jacob , " he announced . Well , we met once before , turned each other 's lives upside down , obsessed about each other for weeks , so yeah , I guess we were boyfriends . Why not ? They kept just looking at us for another maybe twenty seconds . It felt like an eternity , but finally , his mom said , " Jacob , we 've heard so much about you . It 's so good to finally meet you . " She held out her arms and I stepped forward into a warm wonderful hug . By this time , his dad had regained his senses and stood up . As soon as Terry 's mom released me , he reached out and shook my hand . " I agree with Kate , it 's very good to finally meet you . " As soon as his dad let go of my hand , Terry reclaimed it and laced his fingers through mine . We just stood there for another minute or so , with me feeling very self - conscious and Terry feeling totally pleased with himself . Eventually his dad said , " Why don 't you sit down . Ross has filled us in on most of the details . He suggested you should stay with us until we can get things sorted out . We , of course have no problems with that . I guess Kate and I just need to clarify a few things first though . " His questions , thankfully , were simple and easy to answer . Among others , he asked me how old I was . Did I leave an explanation for my parents or did I just vanish ? Did I give my parents any indication of where I was going ? Would my parents or the police be looking for me ? Did I have any family living nearby ? I answered all his questions honestly and as thoroughly as I could . As we were finishing up , Ross came in and announced that there had been no mention of a missing youth , a runaway , or anything else that may have referred to me on the news . I explained that I wasn 't trying to be rude or a smart - alec but there would be no way my father would do anything that would attract attention to himself or his demon possessed child . The shame would simply be too overwhelming and he would never admit to anyone that I had run away or abdicated my place as the Chosen One in God 's kingdom . If anything , he would simply consider me to have ceased to exist . I would no longer be considered the Chosen One and I would no longer be considered to be his offspring . " That 's more or less what I thought , " his dad said , " But I should talk to him and Family Services to make sure we don 't get into any legal hassles . " " I don 't think you 'll get any hassles , from my father for sure , or my mother , " I said . " Maybe I should give him a quick call right now , " he said as he got up and went into his study to call my father . A few minutes later , he came back into the kitchen . " I 'm sorry , " he said , " Your father 's exact words were , ' I 'm sorry but I think you have me confused with someone else . My wife and I have no children . Children detract from one 's ability to carry on the Lord 's work , ' and he hung up . " Later that evening , we were chatting over dinner , Ross asked me what grade I was in at school . When I told him I had my high school diploma , he almost didn 't believe me . I explained that I had been home - schooled until I reached high school . I had taken my high school courses by distance learning and had written my final exams in English , History , Math , Chemistry , and Physics in January . " Hey , cool , " Terry said , " You 'll be able to help me study for my finals next month . I have English , Math , and Chemistry to write . " After dinner , Terry and I cleaned up . Since it was still warm out , we decided to go for a walk . As we were walking , we passed Simple Delight , an ice cream shop just a few blocks from the church . " Ice cream ! " Terry exclaimed as he grabbed my hand and led me into the shop . As we stood in front of the row of containers in the display , Terry asked me what flavour I wanted . " I don 't know , " I replied , " I 've never had ice cream before . " It was without doubt the most amazing thing I had ever tasted . I was going to be visiting Simple Delight a lot . As we ate our ice cream , we wandered into the park . Before we had gone ten feet , someone yelled out Terry 's name . I looked over and there were three guys sitting on the grass under a huge weeping willow . Terry and I sat down with them and we chatted for about ten minutes before Donnie suggested we throw the Frisbee around . After a couple of lessons on Frisbee throwing , I was right into it . We played until it was almost dark . As we were walking back towards the church , I was beginning to wonder about just how much I had missed out on . This was only day one and I had discovered a feeling of freedom I never knew existed , I was feeling and receiving a form of love I never knew existed … and I had discovered ice cream . I also made three new friends , learned how to throw a Frisbee , and had just had the most fun I have ever had in my life . When we got back to Terry 's , his mom was waiting for us . She showed me my room and wished us good night . Ross was still up so the three of us sat around for a while and chatted . Ross even remarked at how much happier and more relaxed I looked . He said that even my posture and how I carried myself had changed , that I seemed more sure of myself , more relaxed and confident . I had to laugh because until I met Terry , the one thing I had never lacked was confidence . But , when I thought about it , he was right . I couldn 't ever remember feeling this relaxed and at ease and the last few weeks had seriously eroded my confidence . Especially today , after leaving home , not knowing what I was going to do , telling my story to Ross , and then confessing my feelings to Terry , and meeting his parents had kept my nerves on edge much of the day . However , once Terry and I went for our walk , I met his friends , and got involved with them playing Frisbee I felt totally relaxed and began to feel confident in who I was again . It was almost midnight before we went to bed . We took turns using the bathroom . When I was finally ready for bed , Terry gave a big hug and kiss good night before heading for his room . We woke up the next morning to a wonderful breakfast . Terry 's dad was putting the finishing touches to his sermon as we ate . When we arrived at the church , we sat in the second row . As we sat down , TerrSuddenly someone sat down beside us and poked me in the side making me jump . I glanced over and found myself looking into the face of Randy Scott . Randy and his parents had gone to our church for a few weeks about a year or so ago . I remember Randy 's dad came to church alone one Sunday and had a heated conversation with my dad . Then we never saw them again . " Oh yeah , " Randy replied with a little edge to his voice , " I want to know how you go from preaching ' death to sodomites ' in one church to holding hands with your boyfriend in another church . " " Not here , or now . We can get together after church . You want to come over for lunch ? " Terry asked him as he gave my hand a squeeze . I think he knew this might be a little confrontational and he wanted to reassure me and let me know he would be there with me . " Yeah thanks . I 'll ask mom and dad but I 'm sure I 'll be able to . I 'll let you know after the service , " he replied as he stood up and moved back to where his folks were sitting in the row behind us . The service was wonderful . It was nothing like the services my dad or I conducted . It was quiet and uplifting . The message Terry 's dad gave was a message of love . It was like nothing I had ever heard before . After the service , we stood and waited for our turn to leave . Randy 's dad gave me a cold stare as we left our pew . His mom and sister avoided even looking at me . We slowly made our way out of the church and waited for Randy before heading for the parsonage . " Because , " Terry replied , " He was only doing what his parents brainwashed him to do . His father told him what to think and when to think it . He didn 't know he was hurting anyone . He thought he was doing God 's will . He thought he was helping people . " " Yeah but how could you preach that crap if you knew you were gay ? " he asked me . Randy 's boyfriend Casey called his cell while we were eating . We invited him over and he arrived just as we were finishing lunch . It turns out that Casey had been watching him that day and had figured out what he was going to do . When he saw the gravel truck approaching , he stepped up behind Randy and as Randy stepped forward , he grabbed his arm and pulled him back . In fact , that was how they met . Randy had been terrified that he would lose his friends and most importantly his parents love , and be thrown out onto the streets . He was already very nervous about telling them . But , when they started attending our church , he lost all hope of them being accepting . It was Casey who convinced him that being gay wasn 't the end of the world . Once he and Casey developed a relationship and he knew Casey 's family would take him in if his parents reacted badly , he decided to tell them . Casey was with him when he told them he was gay , that he had almost stepped in front of a truck and why . . . their decision to go to our church and my sermons . Surprisingly , his parents were far more supportive than he imagined they would be . They not only accepted him unconditionally , but accepted Casey too . Apparently , after attending a several of our services over a period of a few months , they had already decided my father and I were nothing more than homophobic bigots and had decided to leave our church anyway . Of course Randy didn 't know that . Casey turned out to be very helpful as Terry and I tried to explain everything to Randy . He quite often ' got it ' before Randy did and enhanced the point I was trying to make . Two hours and a lot of tears later , we were still sitting in the back yard and we were still talking . The good thing was , Randy understood . He understood how sheltered my life had been . He understood that I thought I was doing what was right and he understood that I thought I was helping other kids ' see the light ' so to speak . The best thing was , he forgave me and I made another new friend that afternoon , actually " What 's wrong ? " he asked . " If I did that to Randy , who else did I do it to ? " I queried before adding , " I could be responsible for kids killing themselves . " " I don 't think so , " Terry reassured , " Randy is pretty sensitive and easily hurt . I bet most kids would write it off as just so much BS . " Once we did that , except for a few people without kids , and Randy 's family , all the families with kids , for as far back as I could remember , were still attending and so were their kids . None of the kids had quit coming or disappeared . That did make me feel better . But what if some of those kids still attending were gay ? What if they were feeling hopeless and on the verge of ending it all like Randy was ? Especially if they heard my final rant before leaving . We went back over the list . This time I tried to picture each one of the kids as I preached or as my dad and I spoke to them after the services . Did any of them look hurt , scared or really upset ? As we went down the list of names , I spent ten or fifteen minutes trying to picture each one of them in as much detail as I could . We were about halfway through the list when one of the names almost slapped me in the face . It was Bobby Frieze . I remembered him after several services . He never looked me in the eye and always had his head down . Then I remembered after the last service . When I thought about it , he actually had tears in his eyes but quickly wiped them away when my dad spoke to him . I remember , as he walked away , he fired me an angry look of pure hate . " Okay , but calm down . Panicking won 't help , " Terry said as he gave me a squeeze , " It might have nothing to do with being gay or feeling hurt . Maybe he was simply pissed off with your homophobic tirade . " " Okay let 's look it up , " Terry said . We found the phone book and looked their address up . It turns out , he lived about eight blocks from Terry , so we decided to walk over there and see if maybe we could talk to him . I wasn 't sure what I was going to say but I felt I had to try . Maybe I was getting all upset over nothing but I had to know for sure . If his name suddenly showed up in the paper , I don 't know what I would do . I would never forgive myself . Ten minutes later , Terry and I were standing in front of his house . " What should I do ? " I asked . As I was trying to figure out what to do , I turned and glanced down the sidewalk . Bobby was walking towards us with a bag of groceries . " That 's him , " I said . Terry turned to look . At about the same time , Bobby noticed us . Suddenly he looked around like he was looking for an escape route . When he realized we 'd seen him , he lowered he head and kept coming with his eyes totally focused on the sidewalk . Terry gave my arm a tug and started walking towards him . When we got close , I said , " Hi Bobby . " Finally he looked up at me . His expression quickly changed from anxious to angry . " Why ? So you can tell the faggot to his face he 's going to Hell ? " he asked . " We 'll be over there at the bridge . Please just hear us out . It 's important for you and Jacob . We 'll be there for the next hour , " Terry said as he pointed to a little bridge on the edge of the park down the street . Bobby just looked at Terry , then at me and walked away . He glanced back before turning up the walk into their house . I looked at Terry with tears in my eyes . He smiled at me , took my hand and we walked to the bridge . We waited for almost forty - five minutes . I was almost ready to give up when I saw Bobby walking towards us . " I don 't know why I 'm doing this , you don 't deserve it , but you have ten minutes , " he said as he got to us . " Okay , " I replied , " Thanks . First , I 'm not with my father 's church anymore . In fact , my parents have disowned me . But that 's not the point . The point is ; I have come to realize that every word I 've spoken from my father 's pulpit has been untrue . The truth is , it doesn 't matter if a person is gay , straight , bi , transgender , or whatever , God loves them . God created all of us in his image … all of us . After meeting Terry , I learned a lot about myself , the Bible , and God . My father is a bigot and a liar . He misuses the Bible and he misused me to convince people to see things his way … his bigoted , homophobic , perverted way . " " No , I guess not . The Jacob I know wouldn 't even be able to think something like that never mind say it , " he replied . That started a dialog between the three of us . I explained meeting Terry , his questioning my beliefs , my dream about him , my prayers going unanswered , my research , and my parents prayathon . When I mentioned my dream , I could see Bobby 's eyebrows go up and with them , his attention level . When Bobby decided to join in and give his side of things , it turns out that he never once contemplated suicide . He said every Sunday after church , he felt mostly angry , especially if I was preaching . He would have to convince himself that we were wrong , that God did not hate him and he was as worthy of God 's love as anyone else . The last Sunday I was there he said was especially difficult because I had been so venomous . He said it was the closest he had come to believing I was right . But even at my worst , I wasn 't able to convince him . He knew in his heart that God loved him and no homophobic , hate - mongering preacher 's kid was going to make him believe otherwise . When I told him why my sermon had been so powerful , he just looked at me . " Well , if I didn 't believe God performed miracles before , I do now , " he said . We continued talking for almost an hour . Not all of it had to do with church either . Some of it did have to do with Terry and me . Bobby was quite intrigued by the fact that I had gone from preaching death and damnation towards gays , to realizing I was gay , to admitting I was gay , to having a boyfriend … all in a few months . " How the hell did you , of all people find a boyfriend ? I can 't even find a ' friendly ' friend . That 's just so not fair , " he said laughing , " Of course maybe if I dared to step out of the closet , I might meet someone . But that isn 't going to happen while I 'm still at home . Oh well , I 'll be across the country in college soon , and then … freedom . " All in all , it turned out to be a great afternoon . I definitely didn 't have to worry about Bobby and I finished the afternoon with one more friend . Later that evening , Terry and I went over the rest of the names to be sure . As we were about to put the list to rest , Micah Kiel 's face suddenly appeared . Micah was younger ; maybe twelve or thirteen and he sat near the back of the church . Usually he and his mom left immediately after the service . But they lingered that day . The look of devastation on his face after that last Sunday I preached was right there in front of me . It was heartbreaking . We quickly looked up their address . It was probably ten of fifteen blocks away . We would have biked over to his place but I had no idea how to ride a bike and wasn 't quite into learning how on the busy streets of the city . Ross however , was going to pick up his girlfriend so we persuaded him to give us a ride . When we arrived , I had the same dilemma about knocking on the door as I had at Bobby 's . I actually looked , hoping he would miraculously appear walking down the sidewalk like Bobby did . We stood there for a few minutes before Terry said , " Come on , " grabbed my arm and walked me up to the front door . After another minute or so , Terry reached out and rang the doorbell . A few seconds later , a small but robust woman answered the door . " Isn 't it wonderful , Pastor Jacob has seen fit to come over just so he can get to know you better , " she stated with what sounded like pride . The ' Chosen One ' had chosen to seek out her son . It was like I had just bestowed some blessing on them . It was actually kinda creepy . " No , of course not , " she replied , " I know he will be safe with you and your young friend . " " Once we got about half a block from their place , I looked at Micah and said , " Don 't be so nervous . We just want to help . " He didn 't reply but just glanced at me . He still looked terrified and on the verge of tears . After walking a couple of blocks we were passing an elementary school yard . Terry steered us into the playground and we found a small table to sit at . We sat quietly for a minute or so before tears started rolling down Micah 's cheeks . I nearly lost it when he said that . What kind of a monster did this kid think I was ? Terry quickly put his arm around my shoulders and gave me a squeeze . His words sounded so rehearsed . Unfortunately , I didn 't have to wonder where they came from . I quickly came to my senses and responded , " No Micah , I 'm sad because you think that . You have NOT committed an unforgivable sin and you are NOT going to be turned away from this world . " " No … I wasn 't , " I responded , " I was teaching you my father 's misinterpretation of God 's word . I was giving you the words of a man consumed with irrational hate . My father 's words … not God 's . " " He 's right , " Terry interjected , " My father is a preacher and he doesn 't believe anything Jacob or his father preach . He believes God is a God of love and we are all created in his image , God loves us all . He especially loves you Micah because you are trying so hard to live up to His Word . " " Let me explain . Okay ? I have learned that every word I 've spoken from my father 's pulpit has been a lie . It doesn 't matter if you are gay , straight , or whatever ; God loves you . God created all of us in His image … all of us Micah . After meeting Terry , I learned a lot about myself , about the Bible , and about God . I also learned that my father misused the Bible and he misused me to convince people to see things his way . He is nothing more than a self - righteous homophobic bigot . Don 't believe anything he says . " Again , when I was done , Micah was staring at me with his mouth open . " Micah , you want to know what I learned about myself ? " I asked . " Really ? " he asked , " Like you 're gay ? " " Yes I am , " and God loves me … He loves Terry … and He loves you . " " When He didn 't change me , I knew , " I said , " I knew He didn 't change me because He created me gay . If He wants me gay then He wouldn 't hate me . It 's the way I 'm meant to be . He didn 't change you either , because He created you gay . He loves you Micah . I know that for a fact . I feel it in my heart . " " I was so scared , " he said as we broke the hug , " I don 't want to go to Hell . I kinda thought that if I died before I could do anything gay , I would be okay . I thought maybe God sent you to help me . " " Oh my God , Micah , don 't even think that . God loves you . He doesn 't want you to die . " I exclaimed , " Please don 't ever doubt God 's love for you . And if you ever feel worried or afraid , phone or come and see me or Terry or Terry 's dad or his brother , Ross . We 're at the Metropolitan Community Church on 16th Ave . Just don 't do anything you 'll regret . Talk to us first . Please . " " Okay … I believe you , and I will come and talk to you if I feel bad , " he promised , " But my mom can 't know . She still believes what we were taught . " " As we were getting up to leave , Micah touched my arm . When I looked at him , he asked , " Uh , I don 't want to be all needy and stuff , but could you talk to Daniel about this ? He doesn 't go to your … sorry … your father 's church , but the one he goes to says being gay is wrong . " Micah ran over to the swings and said something to Daniel . Daniel shook his head quite vigorously . After a few minutes of very animated discussion , the two of them made their way slowly over to us . Daniel kept his focus on the ground most of the way over . A couple of times he stopped and Micah had to take his hand and pull him along . His head snapped up at that and he stared at Micah , then at Terry as Terry gave him a smile and a little wave . It was a good half a minute before he would look at me . When he did , it was definitely a look of disbelief and distrust . Fortunately though , Daniel didn 't need as much convincing as Micah did . He also wasn 't anywhere near as upset about being gay . He was more like Randy , angry . Angry that anyone would dare tell him that his being gay was a sin and angry that he had to hide behind a mask and couldn 't be himself . It also didn 't take long to figure out that the two little guys had a thing for each other . As the four of us talked on our way to Mom 's Ice Cream , Terry and I could see the sparkle in their eyes when they looked at each other . " What the hell did you say to him ? " Daniel asked at one point . About an hour or so later , Daniel headed home for dinner and Terry and I dropped Micah off at his place as we walked home . The initial result of our time with Micah was a new boy . His mother couldn 't get over the sudden change in her son . That doesn 't mean she had a problem with it , just the opposite . In the last few months , she had begun to seriously worry about him . Then , in one afternoon with Terry and me , he had gone from sullen and depressed to off - the - wall hyper and happy . She had her son back , the way he had always been until the last several months . She was thrilled . She was also thrilled that instead of sulking alone in his room every day after school , he had his best friend , Daniel , back as well . Laughter once more echoed off her walls . On Sunday morning , about two weeks later , we were in for a pleasant surprise . Terry and I were walking over to the church when we saw Micah and his mother standing on the front steps talking to Terry 's dad . When I first saw them , they seemed to be having a rather deep conversation with him . Micah looked extra - ordinarily happy and as soon as he saw us , he came running over and gave us both a big hug . We also got a hug from his mother , which I was not expecting . They had obviously struck a nerve with Terry 's dad and he invited them to come for lunch after the service . It was over lunch that we got the full story of their move from my father 's church to Terry 's father 's church . Apparently the sparkle in the boys ' eyes at the ice cream shop resulted in sparks flying and a rather lengthy kiss in Micah 's room one evening . A kiss that Micah 's mother walked in on . That , of course resulted in a whole different set of sparks . The end result of which was both Micah and Daniel explaining to her that being gay was okay because God chose to create them gay and they knew He loved them because I said so . They also explained why I wasn 't with my father anymore and that I was at MCC . That conversation led to another one that would be best described as a three - alarm blaze rather than sparks . The next Sunday , his mother confronted my father . My father cursed me out in spades and then lit in to her for mentioning my name in his presence and in the presence of true believers . He then proceeded to curse Micah out in front of everyone . That was his biggest mistake . My father may have thought he had the ability to breathe fire but he was nothing compared to this one angry little woman protecting her son . That is one Sunday no member of the Northwest Evangelical Church of God will ever forget , neither will my father . We got a lot more details from Micah after lunch when we wandered over to the park . It must have been really something to see my father storm out of his own church in defeat . I was beginning to think he just might have lost some of his credibility after that . It was my hope at least . Of course we hadn 't been at the park for more than fifteen minutes when Daniel showed up . The four of us just sat around and chatted for the next hour or so when we decided it was time to wander over to the Simple Delight for some real ice cream . Mom 's is good but it can 't measure up to Simple Delight . After a great afternoon , we headed home . Micah 's mom had already left . Ross had volunteered to drive Micah and now Daniel home when we got back . At about 5 : 30 , he drove them to Micah 's . Needless to say , we saw quite a lot of Micah and Daniel . They felt safe with us and could be themselves . Their only other truly safe haven was at Micah 's . About a week later , Terry was at school and I was mowing the back yard . There was a knock on the front door . Terry 's mom answered it . A minute later , she was standing on the deck and right beside her was my mother . It took me a few seconds to notice them . When I did , I stopped dead in my tracks and just stared at her . It took me more than a minute to finally shut off the mower . I was so shocked to see her here , I still couldn 't move for a few seconds . Finally , I began to slowly walk towards them . When I reached the bottom of the stairs to the deck , my mother took the three steps down to me and hugged me . Since I had no idea why she was here , I returned her hug tentatively . If she thought she could get me to return home , that wasn 't ever going to happen . " How are you ? " she asked as we broke the hug . " Yes he does . He needs you at his side , " she responded , " He needs your exuberance in exalting the Word of our Lord . People listen to you . " " Good , then YOU listen to ME , now , " I said angrily , " For the first time in my life , I 'm not alone with my every thought fixed on who to hate , how to hate and when to hate . I have a life . I have friends . I have Terry and his family . I love and I am loved . Did you hear me ? I am experiencing love mother … love . Do you know what that is ? " " No , " I stated , " I 'm still trying persuade myself to stop hating him and to find it in my heart to forgive him for what he did to me and for what he is doing to the poor unsuspecting people in his congregation . He is a bigot and a liar who distorts the Word of God to push his ungodly homophobic views onto innocent people . I have spent most of the last several days trying to undo some of the spiritual damage I 've done because of him . I will never set foot in Northwest Evangelical again as long as I live . In fact , I never want to see him or talk to him again … ever . Please leave . " " No , " I repeated , " You have devoted your lives to grooming me to be father 's messenger , and that is something I refuse to be . Every word out of his mouth is full of hate . My God is a God of love . " She stood looking shocked first , then disgusted before abruptly turning and leaving . As soon as she left , I realized how angry she had made me . I had never in my life felt such anger . I was literally shaking . I started looking around the yard for something , anything . I didn 't know what I was looking for or why I was looking for it . Then Terry 's dad came up beside me and handed me a stick . I didn 't even look at him . I just took it , snapped it in half , and threw it across the yard . I looked at him and the tears started . He pulled me into a hug and just held me . When I finally settled down and relaxed , he held me at arm 's length and smiled . Terry 's mom brought us each a big glass of iced tea and we just sat on the steps . We didn 't talk , just sat . After about ten minutes , I thanked him and went back to mowing the grass . When I came across one of the pieces of the stick , I grinned , picked it up , kissed it and said , " Thank you . " When Terry got home that afternoon , he noticed right away . " You found closure today , didn 't you ? " he said as he gave me a quick kiss . I then explained my afternoon to him . He gave me a big hug and even bigger kiss . That evening as we were eating dinner , I glanced over at Terry and I wondered how I existed before he came along . My life now felt fulfilled , my existence meaningful . I just smiled to myself as I looked forward to the rest of my life with him . A life I knew would be filled with love . Terry finished school and graduated with distinction . His average was one percentage point below that of the valedictorian , a good friend of ours , Randy Scott . We actually established a new tradition at the grad banquet and dance that year as well . Three guys brought their boyfriends , well four … sorta , and two girls brought their girlfriends . Bobby Frieze came with his cousin Sheila but spent most of his time with Neil Taylor . Whenever they were on the dance floor , it was always the four of them and it was pretty obvious Bobby was dancing with Neil and his cousin was dancing with Neil 's date . Well it was if you were paying attention . Towards the end of the evening , Bobby brought Neil over to our table , sat down , and introduced him to us . The sparkle in Bobby 's eyes when he looked at Neil left no doubt . Neither did the fact that they were going to be roommates at the University of Toronto in the fall , some two thousand miles away . Terry and I both decided to go into the ministry . We decided on St . Stephen 's College . It would only be three hours from home and had been in existence for over a hundred years . It also did not discriminate on the basis of orientation . I know you will be disappointed that I 'm not going to give details of our four years of classes and studies . However , this would become a thousand - page novel if I did . Suffice it to say that one of the things we learned was that the original scriptures did not use the term homosexual nor did they condemn homosexuals because the word didn 't exist back then . We are both youth pastors now , with Terry 's dad 's church . We work with the kids within the church but we also have an outreach program in which young people can go online and talk about any issues they have and be supported unconditionally . Their orientation is not an issue and has nothing to do with God 's love . They can contact us by email or phone . We also have an online forum they can join and talk to others who are also questioning or who are like - minded in their knowledge that theyThe Lord is my Shepherd and he knows I 'm gay . - Rev . Troy Perry If you enjoyed reading this story , please let me know ! Authors thrive by the feedback they receive from readers . It 's easy : just click on the email link at the bottom of this page to send me a message . Say " Hi " and tell me what you think about ' I Once Was Lost ' . Thanks . This story and the included images are Copyright © 2015 by Grant Bentley . They cannot be reproduced without express written consent . Codey 's World web site has written permission to publish this story . No other rights are granted . This story may contain occasional references to minors who are or may be gay . If it were a movie , it would be rated PG13 ( in a more enlightened time it would be rated G ) . If reading this type of material is illegal where you live , or if you are too young to read this type of material based on the laws where you live , or if your parents don 't want you to read this type of material , or if you find this type of material morally or otherwise objectionable , or if you don 't want to be here , close your browser now . The author neither condones nor advocates the violation of any laws . If you want to be here , but aren 't supposed to be here , be careful and don 't get caught ! |
Pati Ent , female , mid twenties , college grad . Intelligent , cute , good - natured . Doctor Hand , male , late thirties , gynecologist . Charming , professional , gentle . Really good looking , but all business . Think of a straight Graham Chapman who looks like John Corbett . Nurse : Looks good . Pressure 's good . You 've put on three pounds , nothing to worry about . Looks like it 's all muscle anyway . You could kinda stand to put on a few more before you 'd have to worry about anything . Pati : Yes ! yes , that 's just it . I first started to exercise them three times a day , and then I moved up to once an hour . Now it seems like … like they 're taking over . They 'll clamp down clench and grip and … and I won 't be able to unclench . Nurse : [ frowning ] … hmm , well , it might be nothing , but when Dr . Hand comes in we 'll be sure and tell him about it . OK ? [ exit ] Doctor : Ms Ent ? Hi … I 'm Dr . Myron Hand . [ reads chart ] Ms Oyl says you 've got a little muscle spasm going on ? Doctor : Lay down on the table there . Feet up in the stirrups , like a good cowgirl . Comfy ? [ The examining table must be placed , for the sake of the actress ' modesty , so that we see from Pati 's point of view . We can only see the top of Pati 's head , and her knees open with her feet in the stirrups . ] Doctor : Great Scott ! Incoming ! [ He grabs the Nurse by the shoulder and forces her to the ground . Brazil nut shell fragments fly out from under Patient 's robe and fly over them , hitting the wall behind them and shattering the wall clock . ] Doctor : [ cont . ] You 've got to learn some control , there , Pati ! [ takes another surgical Brazil nut and unwraps it . ] Now , let 's try it again and this time not quite so hard . Doctor : Right you are , nurse . [ They both don goggles . ] Now , Pati , gently is the word here . Just try to slowly bear down , and … [ A cracking noise is heard , then crunching , then with , a loud bang , shell fragments come flying out . The two medical professionals hit the deck again . We hear the sound of nuts being chewed and swallowed . ] Doctor : [ Now he has a large shell fragment embedded in the lens of his safety goggles . He examines the damage to his room . ] Only shells . Do you see that ? No nutmeat . That thing has got to be stopped . Doctor : It seems to have relaxed . … hmm … odd , it 's almost as if it ate the Brazil nut . It isn 't possible ; there must be more Brazil nut in here - [ Suddenly , his finger is gripped and pulled in . The doctor grimaces in pain . ] [ The Doctor is being pulled in by his hand . His arm disappears within , then quickly he is sucked in with a wet slurp . The highly enhanced sound of a dental vacuum sucking up petroleum jelly would be good here , with appropriate bone - crunching effect . ] Nurse : There is nothing you could have done . [ looks back in ] [ to herself ] That thing is not of this world . Pati : But … but what about Dr . Hand ? Yes , whatever . So I hung out online a lot this weekend . He knew I did ; I was DJing at Lady Ann 's when he popped on PalTalk with a PM and asked how the boys were doing . I called him back on his cell , which was cool , and he kept checking : is all well , did I remember this or that , how 's the money holding out , oh by the way there 's this pre - made dinner he made and it 's in the downstairs fridge . French baritone . Yum . Sounds so good on the phone . His accent gets thicker when he 's all tired and jet - lagged and it 's like a shot of DC current running from my clitoris to the base of my brain and back . And he 's not micro - managing me , he cares . " I 'll take care of you , " he said . " Be good , and be well . Don 't stay up too late on chat , all right ? " He left at noon , leaving a few meals in Tupperware that I can pop in the microwave . The house was spotless and the sinks were shiny before he left . I know all Emergency Procedures , and I know whee the Panic Buttons are , in case there 's any trouble I can hit one of six strategically located buttons , and an alarm goes off that would be loud enough for an air raid siren . Laundry , dishes , Littlest Boy 's first change at 5 AM . Water the chickens , milk the cereal and rotate the laundry again . It 's not hard work , but it 's steady , and he normally does it while I 'm swinishly asleep . He typically gets up with reveille , and I stay in bed until 6 or even 7 sometimes , when I wake up to homemade chicken sausage and omelets . No omelets for me this morning , it was my rubbery scrambled eggs , which no one touched and I don 't blame them . Littlest Boy was up and out of bed like a little jumping bean flavored Pop - Tart ™ all night . " Where 's my daddy ? " he would cry . He kept forgetting that daddy was away . " Will he come back now ? " No , not for some days . I can relate , sweetie ; I can 't sleep without your daddy either . Yes , we talked . I talked at first , and Monsieur listened , as that 's his way . For someone who can make idle conversation in seven languages , he 's remarkably taciturn when it comes to his feelings ; me , I can speak only one language well , and just try to shut me up in that one . Monsieur talked about the pending lawsuit that he 's facing , and how he feels betrayed by the people he worked for . Basically he is being sued because the company who is suing him didn 't do what he told them that they should do . They are being fined by their state regulatory agency , for not following the law , and so they 're suing him almost out of reflex . It 's a nuisance to them , but it 's his livelihood , his home , everything he 's worked for that he has to fight . Monsieur is worried that , if he ends up losing his home and land , he 'll have to move into town into some rent house or apartment , crowding his kids all in a smaller place , living under the eyes of neighbors . He is afraid I 'd feel crowded and without the lovely house and huge backyard , his kids would be unhappy , and that I 'd just up and leave . He knows I 'm kind of needy , and thinks I should have things that I don 't have here , and that I would rather be in graduate school and dating younger men , working in theatre and having fun . I was hurt by the suggestion that I 'm so needy and would be happier with things and with someone else , and the idea that I 'd just leave him because of a change in address . But to my credit I shut up and I listened . At some point , I just held him . He was quiet , and he sighed in such a way I thought it was a sob . I hoped , prayed , wished , he would cry it all out . I 've never really seen him cry , even through all this , even after Maggie died , I never saw him really cry . His eyes got red sometimes , his face went from this ashen gray to a bright pink , but no sounds , no weeping , nothing . Me , I cried all the time . I cried when we went through Maggie 's clothes , to give them away . I cried when I had gathered up her mascara and lipstick , when I had found the one shade she showed me and said , " I call this Cock Sucking Red , you should borrow it sometime , " with a wink . I cried months later when I had found a Jamie Cullum T - shirt wadded up under the upstairs bathroom sink , that smelled of her sweat and that cheesy almond oil she used on her skin . I had closed the bathroom door so the boys wouldn 't walk in on me , held it in front of my face and cried . Monsieur talked to me about a lot of things , about Iraq and Fiji and West Africa and some of the horrible and wonderful things he 's seen and been through . He talked about being young , in France and being thought of as American because he was born in California . As a result , he styled himself as an authority on all things American to the other kids . They couldn 't play cowboys or gangsters without him ; since he had been born in America , only he knew how they really wore their hats , how they really drove their cars , how they really shot their guns . He became the technical advisor for playing anything that had an American theme , from cops and robbers to rock and roll . I listened to the story of how his whole life , he never really felt like he belonged in what they told him was his own country , and never felt at home in America either . He speaks French with an accent , and he speaks English with an accent . No matter where he went , he was marked a foreigner , a stranger in a strange land , slow of speech and slow of tongue . He wandered across Europe , playing American pop songs for Germans , playing Irish folk songs for Hungarians , playing anything for anyone . At first he rather shied from that , but I asked him gentle questions , why she let him stay , what did she do ? What was her story ? She was married to a man who drove a semi - truck from Scotland to Turkey , and who was gone most of the time . I asked him if he had slept with her , and he said he had . I asked if he had loved her , and he said , " I tried very hard not to , but men are weak that way . Most women can decide for themselves whether to fall for the men with whom they have affairs of the heart ; men are not able to differentiate as easily and that is their failing . " There were many affairs , he said , but no girlfriends . He did not manage to date women , to have a girlfriend , or to hold a full time job . He joined the army almost out of distraction , thinking he needed to learn skills and come out with " knowledge under the fingers " . He ended up in Mechanized Infantry , and though he was very highly regarded , came to hate it as he was deployed to Kuwait , then to West Africa and Fiji . His team 's job was to be the first to go into an area and make sure it was secure . " When they stopped shooting us . When everyone who could fire a weapon or plant an explosive was either captured or dead . When the construction battalion people could come in , and rebuild the bridges that were destroyed , and set up communications . " " Is that why you don 't let your boys have toy guns ? " I asked . " Is that why you don 't keep a gun in your house , even against wolves and coyotes ? " " Partially . I don 't want my boys to have romantic notions about firearms . Also , such weapons are terribly imprecise . Let them discover this when they are older ; should they become interested in such things . " We talked until late at night , me in his arm laying my head on his chest . I listened to his deep baritone , not saying much of anything , just listening . He would pause and I would think he was asleep . Then he would start again , speaking so softly and so distractedly that it was almost like listening to the ocean . A wave of murmurs , and then a pause , a few breaths , repeating at odd intervals for hours . His chest was a seashell against my ear , making each word resonate ; we were on top of the blankets because he was so warm I needed nothing but his voice around me . My hair cascaded across his chest and onto the blanket around him . I wanted to shield him from the world . " I felt myself becoming what I was , someone who not respect the marriage , someone who would seduce a girl , and I was ashamed . Even when Maggie would talk about you as a good friend , I was not receptive to that . I did not want her to be close to you . I did not want you to be near her . " " Old habits , " he said , and did not finish the sentence . Then he began again , " Of the two of us , she would have said that she was the more likely to sleep with someone else , and before I had met you , I would have agreed . She could not contain herself very well . But , with you , I was the more tempted , and the guilt is more burning when we met you because you were still very much a child . " " You can 't help how you feel , " I said . " I wanted you and Maggie . I flirted with you and Maggie . I tempted both of you . I knew what I wanted . I shouldn 't have done it . I didn 't know it was causing you such conflict . I was not . . . " I looked for the word . He rolled over me and kissed me . His mouth was warm , and his lips were searching mine , and he moved against my body and kissed me like he meant it . Most guys kiss me like they 're trying to turn me on , because they want something . Which is okay . When Monsieur kisses me like he kissed me , it was like I was the center of the universe , and he wanted nothing more . He kissed me like I belonged . He kissed me like he loves me . My arms went around him , he was my darling , he was my everything . My tears were streaming down my face , but I didn 't talk . I didn 't deserve him . As hard as I tried , I couldn 't stop crying . " Yes , as do I , but that is only because you have a good heart . I see who you are . We see the good in you . The boys see your intent . They are loved . We are loved . " He kissed me . " And so , you are loved . " " How can you think you don 't ? I get all I need , if not all I want . " I closed my eyes as tears streamed from them . I kissed his cheeks , and they were wet . I don 't know if they were wet from my tears , or from his . He sat up in bed , and , turning around to make sure that the door was shut tightly , he lifted my nightgown , grasped the gusset of my panties in one hand and pulled . I lifted my hips , sniffing my tears , and my panties were pulled down and off of me . He leaned back down and kissed my neck , my collarbone , my shoulders . My nipples crinkled and my heart leaped in my ribs . I pressed against him , realizing I hadn 't showered all day and I hadn 't shaved my legs , or down there , since Wednesday . I was a bit fuzzy . I hoped he didn 't mind . He didn 't seem to . He pressed against me , and I felt him against my vulva . His cock . I wanted to tell him that it was all right . He kissed my breasts and my voice didn 't come . I wanted to tell him that we didn 't have to do anything . He sucked and nibbled my nipples . I gasped , instead of saying that if he felt sad or afraid it was all right . He kissed his way down , teasing my navel , then bit my tummy , gently . He started to move down and I said , " I 'm , um , not shaved . Sorry , " I added . " I haven 't been very - " " Besides , " he added after a while , " I haven 't shaved today either . " His mouth stayed closed as he kissed me there . I was swollen and I could feel the pulse in my sex , under his insistent lips . He held his lips to my labia , not opening them , just holding his face against it , while my nails went up and down his neck , and my fingers entwined in his hair . He kissed it again . I loved it , despite the heavy friction of his stubble against mine . Or maybe because of it . His tongue emerged , licking the outside all over , running over the stubble on my labia . He licked me open then licked me shut . I wanted his tongue inside , his fingers , his cock . I ached to be penetrated but he lick , lick , licked it instead . I was slishy wet , running down his face , pooling up under me . Still he licked , up and down , all the way to my butt . I was afraid I wasn 't clean but he insisted , his face burying itself in my bottom , kissing , sucking , even biting me . My head spun and I felt like I was floating on clouds . I writhed , bit my lips , tried to move but he was holding me down . I wanted to cry out but my tongue was stuck to the roof of my mouth . I finally managed to say the single word , " Stop , " and he stopped instantly . He looked up at me . " I am not teasing , " he said . " Not in the sense that I think ; usually teasing is more of a sense of not allowing you to have your hopes satisfied - " I mashed his face back down into my pussy . " Shut UP ! " I screamed . " Suck . Lick . . . there . My clit , and inside , I need to be fucked , fuck it , fuck me , fuck my OH GOD yes , " I cried , this as his tongue plunged into me , filling me with its warm prehensile girth , spreading me , making me delirious . " I need to suck you , " I said . He held his tongue inside me and shook his head . I looked down , into his eyes . " I need you in my mouth , " I said . He moved over me . He held my hands up over my head , and holding me by his wrists , he positioned his cock , thick and bobbing , between my legs . I captured it with my thighs , squeezing it hard and trying to work it in my pussy using only my quadriceps . I looked up at him , defiantly . He didn 't say anything to that , but let go of my hands . He held his cock against my swollen pussy lips and was still . It felt like a warm , wet , iron bar . I moved against it , pushing down , reaching down to spread myself , enveloping it , opening up , moving against its immovable head , until it slowly filled me with I writhed against him more , lifting my hips , then my legs and locking them around his back He was motionless . I looked up at him , breathing through my teeth , trying to get him to move by stimulating him and gripping him with my Kegels , but he was as motionless as a lump of granite . A very sexy , well - defined , tall , dark , and hot lump of granite . My hands went to pinch his nipples , then I bent forward to kiss him . He kissed me as gently as could be , his lips touched me like butterfly wings , like the eyelashes of an angel , which was as bad as his motionless body to me right then . I grabbed him by the back of his head , and pressed my lips tight to his , sucking his tongue . I felt a pulse in his cock , and he rubbed his thumb against my clitoris , lazily , not as fast as I wanted but very hard . Thump . Pause . Thump . Pause . He pinched it , rolling in his fingers , and I came , my vision going black as I cried . When I could see again , his hand was over my mouth and he was moving in and out of me , slowly , deliberately . I don 't know what I said . I cried . I gasped , calling his name , calling for JesusMaryMoses and probably my Mommy , too , for all I know . I came again and held him , crying , crying , crying out . He watched me , and then a surge went through him and then into me . He filled me up , completely , holding me close to him as it pooled inside me and ran down my legs , down my crack , onto the sheet . When I woke up , it was morning , a sheet was over me , and my legs were apart . I was weak as a newborn lamb . I was unable to see straight , make a fist or walk properly . I staggered to the bathroom , not remembering anything right , and I sat on the toilet , unable to pee for many minutes , until everything relaxed . I was getting nervous , and here 's why . Monsieur has to go out of town next weekend . He 'll be gone a week from yesterday ( next Friday ) until the following Tuesday . He has been bent out of shape , not so much as anyone would notice but I 'm getting used to his odd ways and I can tell when something is bothering him . I asked him before if I had said something wrong , if I had done anything , but it 's not me , he assures me . I tried to believe him . So night before last I cornered him , and let into him . He 's had the coin for a week now , and hasn 't redeemed it . What 's up ? I asked him , don 't we have a deal ? Are you mad at me ? Did I say something wrong ? do I smell bad ? All I got was one syllable answers . After pressing I find out that he 's being sued . It 's work - related , and he told me he did not want me to worry and that it 's an occupational hazard of his job . He said he gets sued every other year or so , and usually it 's nothing , it 's a very common occurrence and usually comes from a company or firm trying to cover its own ass . This time it might be a tough case , though . He 's got a good lawyer , not his regular family and business lawyer , but a specialist who deals with this sort of thing . It will likely cost him a pile of money that he doesn 't have . " ' Probably ' ? ! ? " I wanted to punch him . I let into him . I felt slighted , like I didn 't deserve to know . " When were you going to tell me ? Were you going to tell me ? This is the kind of thing I need to know . I deserve to know . You can be secretive and mysterious with everyone else , but I refuse to let you keep this kind of thing from me . Are we in this together ? I need to know that . Why do I have to pry things out of you ? " " I 'm ALREADY worried , damn it . I need to know what I should be worried about ! " He stared at something on the floor . " Jeez , I keep thinking it 's me , or you 're not into me , or I 'm doing something wrong . You need to talk to me , like , well , like I 'm somebody , and not your damned babysitter . " " I 'm . Not . Going . Anywhere . OK ? I mean , I would if you were going to throw me out . Are you planning on throwing me out ? " I asked him . He didn 't say anything for a little too long , and I said , " Look , fine , I can go . I can stay with friends , or my daddy . I don 't have a car now , so I 'd need to take the bus up to Wichita - " " Please , don 't be dramatic , " he said , " and please , stay . I am rather … confused by this , and I confess I don 't know what will happen . But whatever happens , please stay . " I felt like such a bitch . My ire was raised , and I couldn 't calm down . To my credit , I counted to ten , and said , " Are you still going on that business trip ? " " All right , then . " I sat there . I wanted him to put his arms around me , but I couldn 't ask him to . I wanted him to kiss me and let his heart pour out to me , but I wasn 't about to ask him to . I want him to be crazy in love with me , but I can 't make him . I sat there . It ate at me all day , all night yesterday . I stopped into Lady Ann 's just now , hoping to get a little attention from a random patron . I sat there for about five minutes , not flirting and talking about nothing . Then I considered what it would look like if the shoe were on the other foot . Supposing the man were in the chat room every night , pretending to have sex with a half dozen of girls a night , because his own , real life girlfriend was ignoring him in bed . And suppose the real life girlfriend knew all about it , and knew all about what he was doing , and let him because she didn 't know what else to do . " And let 's not stay up late tonight . Let 's go to bed , and just talk . We don 't have to … to do anything , " I added . I knew my first real boyfriend since fourth grade . Regular readers will remember him as the first guy I slept with . I will always call him Keith in this blog because when he is holding a guitar he looks like Keith Richards from behind . The resemblance fades when you walk around to see him from the front , when he starts to look like Matthew McConaughey with hat hair . He was a real sweetie in school , but he was kind of geeky and shy and girls picked on him a lot . As a result he wasn 't very good with girls . We were close friends from the moment after I tackled him in 5th grade flag football during PE and my team got penalized for it . We were walking home from somewhere ; it was getting cold and he let me wear his coat over my sweater . It was 1995 , October , I think , and the wind blew from the north pretty hard . This was in central Kansas , where when the wind blows directly out of the north in the fall , it comes straight in off of the Arctic Circle with nothing to stop it except for the occasional farm house and some barbed - wire fence . I was 14 years old . He was 16 . I kept re - applying that cheap lipstick I used to wear all the time to avoid chapping my lips . He was in a Tool t - shirt . He stuffed his hands into his jeans pockets and shivered every time the wind blew . He looked like such a dork that he was irresistible . At this time , he hadn 't even kissed me yet . Such a dork . " Well , look , if you want , you can asked me down at Braum 's . I 'm hungry and broke , and there 's nothing to eat at my house . You got both a driver 's license and twenty bucks . Run me over there in your dad 's old truck , buy me a burger and ask me there . You can swing a burger . " " Don 't lie to me , dorkus , " I said . " I 've known you since 4th freaking grade . You can 't take a punch and you can 't lie . So don 't try . " So , I tricked him into asking me out , because he didn 't know a good way to do it himself . He also didn 't know a good way to break up with me when he wanted to see someone else . He still feels bad about it , and often mentions it on the rare occasion I run into him if I go back home . Good , I think . He should feel bad . Eventually I 'd get to seen him naked . A few times , after intense make out sessions , he was so turned on he couldn 't stand it anymore . Usually what he did was to excuse himself , go to the bathroom , and come back all flushed with his hair messed up . I knew what he 'd been doing in there , and I wanted to see what it looked like . So once after he and I had been heavily humping each other , and he said something about " going to the bathroom , " I said , " I want to see you pee . " His eyes lit up , and he and I went to the bathroom , where I sat on the toilet lid , he lowered his pants and went for it . I enjoyed watching his face , and seeing his hand go so fast , and our eyes met when he came . It was very intense , and made for a nice little stroke - off for me later when I was alone . Because , I wasn 't about to do that in front of him . I 'm a good girl . " Oh , quit lying . " I looked at it . She looked like she liked doing that . It looked sexy . " I 'm gonna close it , if you don 't mind , " I said quietly . We didn 't mention it . But later , when we were on the phone , flirting and turning each other on , I said that I 'd like to learn how to do it . To him . Like , tomorrow . We made plans . I was scared to death . I was a nice girl , and nice girls didn 't even do that to their husbands . But I also knew what boys liked . And I also thought to myself , it looks like fun . All day , and all night , for days , I thought about having him in my mouth . I couldn 't get it out of my mind . One afternoon we had free time . It was a teacher service day , so a school holiday . My mom worked for the district , and wasn 't going to be home for another three hours . I seized the opportunity and called him , told him to meet me at his folks ' barn , in the old feed loft . It was stuffy in there . There wasn 't any feed in there , since I don 't think they had any livestock . There was an old horse blanket , and a few bales of hay . " I didn 't say I didn 't want to . It just feels … I dunno , weird , to be here . I wish it weren 't so hot in here , " I said as I looked around . He saw the loft vent fan switch , and went over and turned it on . A breeze began to blow through the loft , and cooled us off . He smiled at me . " Sure , " he said . " You know , we never really have a chance to be alone together . There 's always people around . This is nice . " He went on , talking about nothing for a long time , telling me jokes , and not calling attention to me or my body . He didn 't try to kiss me . He made me laugh . His voice broke a couple of times , though . I could tell he was nervous , too , and when I realized that , it was like the ice melted . I threw my arms around him at some point , and kissed him , hard . It surprised him , but after a minute he forgot his self - consciousness and started putting his hands on me . All over me , his hands went , trying to get me out of my pants or get up my shirt . After a few minutes of that I got on his lap to keep kissing him . I could feel how hard he was , and at some point I wiggled on it and smiled and said something like , " Is that for me ? " He stood up and slipped his pants down to his knees . I looked at his lap . It looked … well , like it was just a part of his body . Skin . Wrinkles , veins , pores . Hair . It looked perfectly normal . It was smooth , and felt like , well , like skin . I looked up at him , and his eyes were completely glazed . I ran my finger up and down its length . He gasped , and his eyes rolled back a little . I kept going till my jaw hurt . Looking back , I was awful , resting my head on his lap , not giving it consistent suction , ignoring the rest of him , and not pacing myself . My mouth was sore and snot was starting to run down my nose , I felt like my hair was all tangled and I just felt gross . Hey , I was 16 years old , remember . I leaned back and he kind of licked his hand and then his hand went to his cock . He started to rub it , his hand a blur . I thought he would hurt himself , he was going so hard . Still , watching it turned me on , the way his stomach muscles tightened and flexed , and then suddenly something appeared on the tip of his cock , and then flooded out onto the floor of the feed loft . He moaned . I nodded , saving the information for future reference . I wished I could rub one out really quick , but didn 't want to do it in front of him . I waited till I got home , got into the shower and rubbed myself raw for a good twenty minutes . It 's been two weeks since I last posted anything meaningful . Not that my ass isn 't meaningful . We 've been busy . I 'm so busy I 'm not even going to spell check this before posting it , a first for me . Two weekends ago Maggie 's parents came from Houston to visit . They are very cool . Her mom is a great dancer . She was born in Yennan ( sp ? ) , China , and moved to Taiwan . Her dad is from Korea . He 's a jazz musician and plays saxophone , piano , and probably a million other things . He also learned English by watching American TV and collects old comedy stuff , like old National Lampoon magazines , Saturday Night Life scripts , and other harmless stuff . When I first came here to stay , I don 't think Grandmother wanted me to stay here . At first I thought she thought I would be bad for the children , but later I came to find out that she was afraid she would lose her grandkids . Since that hasn 't happened , and Monsieur makes his boys talk to their grandparents once a week and write them letters and send them cards and so forth , they 've stayed in touch and will always know who their grandparents are . I think Grandfather was a lot more understanding about my staying here and was always trying to charm me and get me to laugh . He tells the worst jokes I have ever heard , and yet I laugh anyway . He 's like a Mel Brooks movie , only Korean . He tells these corny old vaudeville jokes and keeps the boys giggling . When they left the boys definitely felt his absence , and told each other " knock knock " jokes to make up for it . I had met them at Maggie 's funeral , and also last year some time we took a trip to Houston so that the boys could visit their grandparents and also NASA Space Center . Back then I don 't think Grandmother said three sentences to me the whole time . I wasn 't sleeping with Monsieur , at least not openly , and she treated me like I was the hired help , which I suppose I was . Grandfather was more open and warm . " Good to see you again , beautiful , " he said to me . Now Grandmother much more willing to confide in me a bit , usually to complain about Grandfather and his eccentricities . Mostly good - natured complaining , I think . Once she asked me if there were anything I wished I had . " Just Maggie , " I said , and she nodded . " She was our music , " she told me . She misses Maggie something awful . They both do . Also , they brought Grandmother 's parents for a short while , from California somewheres . When the Great - Grands came , they all stayed in a hotel in Johnson City but while it was just Grandparents they stayed with us in Littlest Boy 's room . I learned how to say " thank you " in Chinese ( xie xie but I never did pronounce it right ) . We had a huge suite way up high , a view of downtown , and a huge bathtub , which we made good use of . He brought a bunch of music on his laptop , which he set up in the corner and had running all night . I can 't begin to tell you how wonderful he made me feel with it all , and after dinner , when the music was on and the wine was poured , he didn 't talk about kids or work or money or really , anything that would take his attention from me . Born on a farm in central Kansas ; my dad lost the farm during the 1980s farm crisis . I grew up yearning to be a famous actress , and got a degree in theatre . A few weeks after I graduated , I went to visit my beautiful friend in Texas , and she died suddenly - leaving behind her beautiful husband and her three beautiful boys . I decided to stay , and care for them . I fell in love with them all , and after so much yearning , I am now the woman of this man . This is the story of how the heart approaches what it yearns . |
9 June , 2010Somehow I seem to have fallen out of fictional inspiration lately , having difficulties finding the time and inspiration to focusing my mind on it . It is still my hope and intention to some day get back to the Wordzzle game and finish off The Slumber Party Mystery story . Friday , 16 April 2010 Skittles had been keeping his eyes fixed at Adam , too , while the General spoke . And he heard the sigh that the doctor let out when the General fell silent again . Relief ? Or what ? He glanced at his colleague , but Matthew was busy unwrapping a piece of spearmint gum , feeling that he still had a bit of asparagus stuck between his teeth from lunch . " So , doctor Challenge , " said Skittles , " I guess it 's up to you to tell us the rest , isn 't it ? " " What do you mean ? " said Adam . " I already told you , didn 't I ? Yes , I drove up to the house earlier in the afternoon . I wasn 't really sure what to make of that invitation card . So when I got here , I had second thoughts . It struck me that if it really was a party , I wasn 't suitably dressed . So I went back to change my shirt . " Repeating this very weak story , he was still not even sure himself why he stuck to it . But if the General had really been unconscious . . . That meant there was no witness to details of what had actually happened ; and no reason for anyone to dig deeper into Adam 's past . . . " Oh , my aching bones ! " said the General , quite sharply . " What do you think this is ? A spelling bee ? p - l - a - t - i - t - u - d - e - s , spells platitudes ! I have to say , Dr Challenge , you 've just made a flagrant mistake that shattered all my remaning faith in you ! - All gone now , like smoke up the chimney , " he added , dramatically . Adam felt himself blushing . " I 'm sorry , " he said , trying to keep his voice steady . " I don 't understand . . . " But he did understand , and so did the others . " No , I was not ! " said the General . " I just wanted to give the doctor a chance to explain . But he didn 't take it , so I will instead . But I think Bumblebee should be here for this , too . Diana , darling , will you go and fetch him ? And tell him to bring some yogurt and my pill , too . " Silence fell . The General was obviously not going to say anything more until Bumblebee and Diana were back with them . Skittles and Matthew were both watching Adam , making sure he wouldn 't try to make an attempt to run away . William was staring at the lid of the treasure chest , with its golden salamander . A phrase he couldn 't remember the origin of kept ringing in his mind : " Dragons are forever . " What was that supposed to mean ? He put his hand in his pocket and found a little cardboard box of jelly beans which he had forgotten about . He thought of asking the others if they wanted some , but somehow it didn 't seem quite right , so he just put a handful into his own mouth . They did not have to wait long . After just a couple of minutes , Diana was back with the butler . Without a word , Bumblebee put down a small tray with a bowl of yogurt and a pill next to the General , and then sat down on a chair by the door . The General swallowed the pill with a spoonful of yogurt , grimaced and then began speaking again : " Putting yourself into this kind of trance , you do not really cease to be aware of what 's going on around you . Practice makes perfect , you might say . It 's much like what people sometimes describe as a near - death - experience - floating away from your body for a while , and watching it from above . How many stories like that haven 't you heard about people seeing themselves lying on the operating table ? Well , in a smiliar way I was watching myself lying in my deck chair in the solitude of my own garden . I also saw Dr Challenge coming towards me , across the lawn . " " Yes , " he continued , looking at Adam . " You came through the garden , doctor , not through the house . I could also tell it gave you quite a shock to see me lying there , and you lifted my arm , and started feeling for my pulse . Then there was a sudden noise - I know now it was from those sausages exploding on the grill - and for some reason that made you panic ! I was still sort of out of my body , so I couldn 't get my voice going . But I saw you run off , and I heard your car start again and drive down the road . Trying to understand what had happened brought me back , but I admit the transition is a bit blurry , I 'm not sure how long that took . Then suddenly there was my faithful servant " - the General nodded towards Bumblebee - " pushing me out into the swimming pool ! " He suddenly gave a chuckle . " Took me a while to get that bit together - why he was doing that I mean - because the one part of the whole thing which I wasn 't aware of until later was the fire . But that , as I understand it , was put out by young William . So no real harm done . " He gave the young man an encouraging smile ; and William blushed , glad to finally get official appreciation . Posted by " Ah , " said the General , nodding at Matthew . " That 's a good question , young man . You should know though - and this is another thing I learned from the culture of my Indian forefathers - that being mentally aware is a complex thing . " He made a gesture towards the treasure chest . " That old box . . . the things in there are just reminders . " He feel silent for a moment , shifting his stare from the treasure chest to the polar bear skin on the floor . " This is very old knowledge . Several peoples in the old world knew about it . Not only the philosphers of Greece , and some of the saints of the early church . But also nomads spending their lives guarding their sheep . People living in the desert , familiar with thirst . It 's all about keeping your focus , really . I even came upon it in a biography of some old Russian czar , believe it or not . And there was this other story I read about a man who had himself transported as cargo , no food and no drink , and he reached his destination just fine . . . " " Sorry , " said the General . " Well , I just wanted you to know it 's not easy to describe exactly what happens when you enter into this state of mind . I heard the doctor 's car arriving - and there 's no mistake about that , because his car really needs a new muffler ! - and that was my cue , so to say . " I 've been partaking since Wordzzle Challenge # 57 , April 2009 - originally at my blog The Island of the Voices . I had no intention from the beginning to write a long story ; it just somehow turned into one . After six or seven months , I began to feel the need of a summary ! ( Both for myself and for new readers ) . In connection with that , I also decided to move the story to this blog . The earlier posts remain at their original site as well , but from Challenge # 90 , the story is only published here . The number in front of each paragraph in the summary refers to the number of the Wordzzle Challenge . These numbers are also used in the titles of my blogposts . ( One day , I intend to add my own chapter headings . . . ) ( 57 ) On a hot summer Friday afternoon , Dr Adam Challenge arrives at the house of a Brigadier General , who is a rather eccentric old patient of his , suffering from paralysis caused by apoplexy . In his pocket , the doctor has a mysterious invitation to a slumber party . He finds the Brigadier General in the garden at the back of the house , apparently asleep . When he does not wake up , the doctor tries checking for his pulse , but cannot find it . At the same moment , there is the sound of an explosion from the grill behind him , and a burning sausage falls on the ground and sets fire to the dry grass . Dr Challenge is seized by panic and we learn that for some ( unexplained ) reason , he is afraid of being suspected of arsonry . He runs away ; but the butler , Bumblebee , catches a glimpse of him through the kitchen window . ( 58 ) The Brigadier General 's granddaughter Diana , from her room upstairs , also watches Dr Challenge drive off . Diana is studying to become an interpreter / translator . ( 60 ) Bumblebee takes the usual afternoon drinks out into the garden , sees the fire , pours a jug of juice over the worst of it , and pushes the General 's deck chair out into the shallow end of the swimming pool . Standing in the pool , he makes a call from his cell phone . At the same time , a delivery van from the grocery store arrives at the front of the house . ( 63 ) The ambulance and Police Lieutenant Skittles arrive on the scene to find the Brigadier General revived , but somewhat confused . He is taken to hospital , while Skittles tries to get a grip of what has happened ; which is not easy , since everybody is trying to give their own version all at the same time . He decides to interview them each in turn , and Bumblebee suggests using the library as interview room . ( 64 ) The library turns out to be a room full of curious objects . Apparently the General is a collector of all kinds of odd things . Skittles finds this rather distracting . He also finds the butler somewhat evasive when it comes to answering questions . ( 65 ) After Bumblebee has gone to fetch Skittles an aspirin and a glass of water to swallow it down with , Diana comes bursting into the room and says everything is her fault . She denies having tried to kill her grandfather or having started the fire on purpose ; but she confesses to having tried out some experiments , as part of trying to write a detective story herself . The experiments involved trying to get the sausages to explode at exactly the right time ; but she had not counted on starting a fire . She also confesses to being in love with Adam Challenge but says he does not know it . ( 66 ) [ I did not take part in this week 's Wordzzle . ] ( 68 ) Adam and William are waiting on the terrace , and don 't have a whole lot to say to each other . A cat comes strolling by , and William follows it round to the kitchen . Diana is still talking to Skittles in the library , and is now pouring her heart out to him about what it was like growing up in her grandparents ' house . She was always a child of great imagination . In her childhood , she played it out in wild games . Now , she tries to make use of it in becoming a writer . ( 69 ) Bumblebee comes back with the aspirin and water for Skittles , but Diana thinks they are meant for her and takes them , while Skittles has to go without . Bumblebee also brings a letter , which Diana recognizes as one she wrote to herself , for the purposes of her book . She calls it a blackmail letter . We also learn that the name of the cat is Puddles and that she has the habit of strolling off from time to time . ( 70 ) Diana , without explanation , puts the letter , unopened , in a ginger jar in the library . She then goes on to explain again about her sausage experiment , and also happens to drop the hint that Dr Challenge had come to the house earlier in the afternoon , then driven off again , and then come back . She thinks Skittles should ask him about that . ( 72 ) Skittles finally gets his aspirin , and also asks the butler if he can carry on the interviews in another room instead of the library . He and Adam are shown into the drawing room , which is less full of strange collector 's items , but the pictures on the walls reveal that Diana is quite a good artist , too . The doctor does not seem very keen to interviewed . Skittles finds him evasive and is getting suspicious of his motives . ( 73 ) Adam shows Skittles the invitation card to the slumber party , and gives his own interpretation of it . He says he thought the General might have been planning to commit suicide . Skittles ' thoughts however turn to Diana , and wonders if it 's not more likely that she was behind the invitation . ( 74 ) Skittles continues the interview with the doctor but feels himself getting nowhere . At the last moment , he remembers what Diana told him , and asks the doctor why he first came , then left , and then came back . ( 76 ) Skittles finds Bumblebee and William in the kitchen . Skittles sends William off ; he is not interested in interviewing him , which William finds rather disappointing . Bumblebee confirms Diana 's statement about the doctor 's comings and goings . ( 77 ) Skittles talks to Diana again and asks her about the invitation card . She confirms that it was she who sent it , not really caring much whether Adam would take it as just a joke or as an actual invitation to spend the night with her . Skittles does not tell her about Adam 's idea that it might be interpreted as a suicide warning . ( 79 ) Before Skittles leaves the General 's house , he goes back into the library . He is very much tempted to read the letter that Diana put into the ginger jar . He takes it out of the jar and looks at it , but resists the temptation to open it . ( 80 ) Adam Challenge has a bad night with nightmares , and is not pleased when Skittles rings his doorbell early on Saturday morning . Skittles suspects the doctor of perhaps planning to leave town , and warns him not to do so . He still does not really have anything to accuse the doctor of , but is finding his behaviour suspicious anyway . ( 86 ) Diana drags Skittles through an art exhibition of which he understands little or nothing . Modern art is not really his thing . In spite of this , he finds himself asking Diana to also have lunch with him . ( 87 ) We 're back with Adam Challenge , whose Saturday started out badly , but his mood improves when he is able to successfully help deliver triplets into the world . ( 88 ) Skittles and Diana go to a restaurant called The Casbah , but do not have time to order before Diana gets a curious phone call . Skittles only overhears her part of it , and first assumes her grandfather 's condition has grown worse . It turns out however that it is her cat Puddles that has had a fatal accident . ( 91 ) On Sunday Morning , Dr Adam Challenge decides to go to church to find out what rumours may be spreading in the village about Friday 's events . William makes the same decision , because he is longing to build up his own reputation as hero . Diana also arrives at the church , driving a little red sports car and wearing a spectacular diamond necklace . We find out that her last name is Haven . ( 97 ) Sunday afternoon , Diana and her guests are having coffee on the terrace , but return indoors when they hear thunder . In the library , much to the surprise of the two police officers , they find the Brigadier General himself waiting for them , apparently not much the worse for his near - death - experience the other day . We learn that there are three more cats in the house , a Siamese ( named Goofy ) with two kittens . ( 98 ) William is sent to fetch a treasure chest containing the ancient relics , and the Brigadier General starts to tell a story about an Indian Chief named Baying Wolf . ( 99 ) The door bell rings , and it turns out to be Dr Challenge , coming to check up on how the General is doing . He , too , is surprised to find the old man alert and in story - telling mood . William comes back in with the chest . The chest is opened , and turns out to contain a ribbon , a feather and some small pieces of bones . The General starts again on his story . ( 100 ) It turns out that the General is the great - grandson of the Indian Chief Baying Wolf . The items in the chest belonged to his grandmother Sparrow , and were handed down to him by her daughter , the General 's mother , Little Lark . From her he also learned other secrets of that Indian tribe . Everyone was sitting upright now , waiting for Diana or the General to go on . The old man seemed to be champing at the bit , but was still looking at his granddaughter . " To tell you the truth , " Diana continued , " I 've been suffering from a bit of writer 's depression lately . Didn 't feel I was getting anywhere . For the next chapter in my story , I needed a murder . I had thought of using pesticide , but I really wanted something a bit more unpredictable . The problem with unpredictable is , of course , that it is unpredictable . So when I got back here for my holiday , I decided to try some things out . And talking it over with grandpa , he was all up for a bit of a fun and upsetting the apple cart , too . " " I was , " confirmed the old man , adjusting the plaid over his knees . " I really gets a bit too peaceful around here at times , with Diana away at college . Just me and the TV channel changer . " " I tried to tell her that ! " said the General , nodding . " She 's like a starfish sometimes . Too many arms . " He hesitated a moment . " Not quite as slimy though , " he added , " even if devious . " " I have already explained to John about the sausages , " said Diana , ignoring that last remark . " That was about timing , and the usually very predictable and punctual habits of old Bumblebee . I wanted to give him a bit of a start , that 's all - coming out on the terrace to find the sausages on the grill , hopefully all ready to explode by then . I swear I didn 't think of the fire hazard - that was just plain stupid of me , playing with matches on a day like this . One of those things that should have been predictable , and yet I did not foresee it . " " Of course I did , " said Diana . " That was the other thing . Or part of it . I didn 't want you to know I was behind it , or that I was even at home , so I tried to make it look like the note came from Grandpa , but with an odd enough message to make sure you did not just decline the invitation . I knew your sense of duty would make you want to check it out . This was really the big test , you see . Grandpa had been telling me about this trick he learned from the Indians , a secret handed down by generations . I 'm sure you 've heard of it it in stories , just like I have . I never really believed it , though - about being able to put yourself in a coma - like trance . Grandpa challenged me - didn 't you ? " She broke off her flow of words to look at the old man . " Said you bet you could even fool the doctor . " The General was looking down at his wrinkled hands , full of liver spots , but grinning to himself . " Yes I did . And I could , couldn 't I ? So you owe me , girl ! " " But just a while ago you were talking about your pancreas ! " said Adam . " Well , you don 't think I told the true story to the doctors at the hospital , do you ? They wouldn 't have believed it anyway . Neither do you , by the looks of it . " " I 'm not sure what to believe , " said Adam , trying to take it all in . He had searched for the General 's pulse without finding it ; but he had not searched very long , because he had fled in uncontrollable panic from the sudden fire . When he returned , the General had still been alive , but weak ; and Adam 's first thought then had been of sun stroke . Then the hospital had taken over , and of course they might have suspected the old man 's diabetes to have something to do with it . And now the General was saying he had put himself into some kind of volontary trance ! That kind of thing was really not Adam 's speciality at all . " Excuse me , Brigadier General , " said Matthew , who had until then just been listening quietly , while drawing a cartoon of Pluto in his notebook . " I 'm just curious . While you were in this - ahem - trance , were you aware at all of what was going on around you at the time ? " The General shifted position a little in his chair , still looking at his granddaughter . Through the open door to the terrace they could hear birds chirping outside as the rain began to fall . " Do you know , gentlemen , " he said , " my Diana is a very crafty young lady . And then I 'm not talking about embroidery , " he added , nodding at the sampler Diana was stitching on . " Nor about painting , although she 's very good at that too . " " She really is ! " said William . " I remember at school . . . You were phenomenal ! " He somehow managed to look admiringly at Diana and triumphantly at Skittles ( who was sitting next to her ) at the same time . ( " Ah , so they know each other since childhood , " thought Skittles . ) Diana started to say something , but was interrupted by a sudden noise out in the hall . It sounded like something had fallen to the floor . A moment later , the door opened , and Bumblebee entered carrying a tea tray . William hurried to remove the treasure chest from the table , and Bumblebee put the heavy tray down . " I 'm sorry , sir , miss , " he said , turning first to the General , then to Diana . " I 'm afraid I happened to knock over that lamp in the hall . My elbow got caught in the lampshade . " The General frowned and looked displeased . " That lamp was quite a good purchase back when I bought it , " he said . " Please keep in remembrance that . . . " " Oh , never mind the lamp ! " said Diana . " It was an ugly old thing . Just serve the tea , please , Bumblebee . We have some things to discuss here and if we don 't get on with it we 'll be here forever - or , not to use stereotypes , at least until moonrise . " There was a brief silence while Bumblebee , managing to regain his usual butlerish smoothness , poured the tea , and plates were passed around . " Yes , that 's the question , " said the General . " In a way , some of it is really your story rather than mine , isn 't it ? " Turning again to the police officers and the doctor , he continued : " Diana , you see , has the aspiration to become a novelist . She has always been good at making up stories . When she was a little girl , for example , she used to pretend this house was a fortress , and that I was the dragon guarding the treasures . And the first time Dr Challenge came to visit . . . " " Yes , yes , enough about old times ! " said Diana , suddenly blushing and seeming a bit embarrassed as she glanced at Skittles . " The thing is , now I 'm writing what I hope to be a real detective novel , but there were some details I wasn 't feeling quite sure about how they would work out in real life . So , as I already told you , John , I tried some experiments . Of which some turned out more successful than others . No , please don 't interrupt - you have not yet heard the full story . Grandpa and I talked it over , and we decided the best thing would be to gather everybody together again who was here on Friday . Of course we hadn 't counted on the extra addition of Agent 012 here " ( she nodded at Matthew Turtles ) " but that doesn 't really matter . " ♥ Condolences to Betty on the loss of your husband , and our blogging friend , Dr John . We will all miss the adventures of Agent 012 , the extraordinary village life in Pigeon Falls , and the fiery comments from the Dragons . Please also read the In Memoriam post at my other blog , The Island of the Voices ! Skittles was sitting next to Diana , and every now and then the discreet fragrace of her perfume tickled his senses . She had picked up a piece of embroidery from a basket nearby to work on while her grandfather told the story . It seemed to be some kind of sampler . His colleague and friend Matthew had taken up a notebook and a pencil . Skittles couldn 't see whether he was taking notes , or just drawing cartoons ( something of a hobby of Matt 's ) . " And so because of a white man 's treachery , " the General continuted , " Sparrow found herself pregnant without a father for her child . And she died giving birth to a little half - blood , who grew up with her grandfather and whom he called Little Lark . But Little Lark too , as she became a grown woman , fell in love with a white man . And when Baying Wolf saw that he could not stop her , he gave her his blessing . But after she had gone away , he felt that his end was coming , and he went up into the mountains to find his final resting place . And there was a terrible snow storm that night , and his remains were never found . But Little Lark inherited his treasure chest . The contents may seem spartan to you , but this is the headband and the feather worn by Sparrow on the day that she gave life to Little Lark , and gave up her own . " " And where do the bones come into it ? " asked Matthew curiously . He had in fact been writing down the basics of the story in his notebook . " Ah , the bones ! " said the General . " Yes . What do you make of them ? " " Well , " said Adam , who by now had almost forgotten why he had come , and was just as fascinated as the others by the story . " They certainly don 't look human to me . I would say bird bones , actually . " " Ah , " said the General . " And now you wonder , don 't you , how some bird bones came to be seen as holy relics ? " He did not wait for their answers , but continued : " You see , among these Indians , there was the idea that when someone died , they took the form of the animal whose name they bore . And these are sparrow bones . " " As I 've told you before , I never thought that made any sense , " said Diana in the background . " Because it 's the soul that 's supposed to turn into animal , isn 't it . Not the body . " " It 's a remarkable story , " said Skittles . " And I 'm impressed with your narrative skills . But you have not yet told us how the chest came to be in your possession . Or how you learned about the legend . " " I was coming to that , " said the General . " No blandishments needed , but you must have a little patience with an old man . I 'm not adapted to this modern plug - in world ! I belong to a generation in which the telling of a story was allowed to take time . Especially since I have Indian blood running through my veins . " " Yes , " he said . " Little Lark was my mother . And when I was a young boy , she used to take me camping in the Indian territory up in the mountains where she grew up . Although she married a white man , she never forgot about her roots . She was a wise woman , and she knew much about the old Indian traditions . She taught me a lot more than just legends , too . " " Excuse me , miss , " said Bumblebee , as the ring tone sounded again . " There seems to be somebody at the door . If it is those people from the Watchtower again , shall I just send them away or do you want to talk to them ? " Bumblebee disappeared out into the hall . The library seemed suddenly filled with a langourous atmosphere while they all waited for whatever was to happen next . What happened next was that Bumblebee reappeared to announce the arrival of Dr Challenge . Right behind him , Adam entered , looking rather rigid and confused at seeing so many people assembled in the library . " Oh , " he said . " I 'm sorry , I didn 't know . . . " He broke off , needing a moment to take in the situation . What was the police lieutenant doing there again , and who was that other man ? He decided for the moment to ignore them , and turned to the General . " I just thought I 'd come by to see how you are feeling , sir , " he said to the old man . " I contacted the hospital , but they said you had been sent home already . I have to confess I 'm rather surprised at your quick recovery . " " Ah , " said the General . " You would be , I imagine . But it was just a spot of trouble with the pancreas . " " What ? ! " said Adam , obviously bewildered . " But . . . " The chest looked very old indeed . It seemed to Skittles that it even had lichen growing on it . But on the lid there was some kind of golden animal picture engraved . " Go on , young man , open it ! " said the General . " It 's not Pandora 's box , you know , " he added in an amused tone of voice . " Nothing in there that will come out and bite you . " Skittles lifted the lid . At the bottom of the chest lay some very small pieces of broken bones , some kind of ribbon , and a small feather . " Well , Grandpa , " said Diana , " I was just talking to the guys about those ancient relics of yours , and they 're just dying to take a look at them . You don 't mind , do you ? " " Of course not , " said the General , handing the two kittens over to his granddaughter . " Here , take these for me , will you . " Diana had changed into a radish red dress before lunch and was looking absolutely ravishing bordering on risque . She did that in any color though , Skittles thought to himself . Kneeling down on the floor to play with the kittens , Diana turned to William and said : " Will , please be an angel and fetch Baying Wolf 's treasure chest for us . You know the one I mean . With the golden salamander on the lid . " " I know , " said William , and trotted off out into the hall . Skittles , trying to collect his thoughts again , noted that it sounded like the young man went up the stairs . How come this young man was so familiar with the house that Diana even sent him to fetch valuable items from another room ? Matthew raised his eyebrows , and Skittles sighed . Obviously the old man 's mind was still confused . Diana did not show any reaction , though , and the General continued : There was a discreet cough coming from the doorway . Bumblebee , the butler , had suddenly appeared , carrying a tray with a ruler and a piece of paper on it . " Excuse me , miss Diana , " he said . " Here is the laundry list you asked for earlier . And the ruler . " " Thank you , " said Diana . " I just can 't seem to make a straight line without one , " she remarked to no one in particular . " And Bumblebee , I think it is time for afternoon tea soon , don 't you ? I hope you still have some of that delicious jam of yours left in the pantry . " Clouds were gathering in the sky above them . Looking up , Diana sad : " Might be time we moved indoors anyway , it looks like it 's going to rain . " Just as she said that , there was a sound like sawing logs somewhere in the background that seemed to confirm her suspicions . " Oh , I hope we 'll have a real thunderstorm ! " said Diana . " I 'm getting this urge to roast marshmallows over the fire in the library later on . Come on now , I want to show you those bones . " Entering the library , they found a surprise waiting for them . The room was not empty . In one of the armchairs sat the Brigadier General , with two kittens on his lap . The General tickled them , and the kittens every now and then slapped at the old man 's hand , but otherwise seemed rather content . Skittles felt his mind taking in the details but then they sort of slided right back off again , he couldn 't get anything to fit together . " Hello my dear , " said the General . " I just sent Bumblebee to fetch the scissors and that machine from the study , I 'd like you to laminate some labels for me to put on those boxes over there . " He nodded towards some obscure corner of the room ; and then also towards the three men . " I hope our guests have been well fed ? Where is Adam ? " Matthew , having come along as an outsider and observer , was not feeling quite as stunned as his friend . Looking at the kittens , he said to Diana : " Excuse me , but I was under the impression , from something John mentioned , that your cat had got run over by a train . Are these her kittens ? " " Oh no , " said Diana . " That was Puddles . She was a Persian . A bit to curious for her own good . Idealistic in her nature , you might also say . But she never had kittens . These belong to Goofy , the Siamese . More of an opportunistic character . I don 't know where she is at the moment . Seems she left the kids to granddad to babysit . " Matthew found himself beginning to emotionally understand how one 's fascination with this girl might ripen fast . Conversation with her just never seemed to take the route that you had planned . In an attempt to get back on track , he turned to the General and introduced himself . " Pleased to meet you , sir , " he said . " I 'm Matthew Turtles , colleague of Police Lieutenant Skittles here whom you have already met . I understand you had a bit of an accident on Friday . I hope you are feeling better now ? " " Ah , " said the General . " Another police officer . I did wonder where you came into the picture . Am I suspected of anything ? " He looked amused rather than surprised or worried . " No , sir , " said Matthew . " Your granddaughter was just kind enough to invite us for lunch . Then just now she mentioned something she wanted us to have a look at in here . . . " He broke off , suddenly actually feeling a bit suspicious . Maybe that whole thing about asking them to look at some old bones had just been Diana 's way of getting them to go inside . Adam had been sitting at the very back of the church during the service . He was surprised that neither Diana nor William nor Skittles seemed to take any notice of him at all , neither when they came in nor when they went out . Yesterday morning Skittles had been giving the impression of looking at Adam as if he were a smelly politician , and Adam had been feeling under some pressure fearing he 'd have the police lieutenant at his heels like a badger over the next few days . Outside the church Adam found himself trapped for a while in conversation with Mrs Anderson , who gladly seized the opportunity for chat with her favourite doctor . Meanwhile , some children kept running round and round them like little pixies . Just as Adam was beginning to feel irritated , one little girl came up close to him , gave him a wink and put a piece of paper in his hand . Adam made polite excuses to Mrs Anderson and withdrew to read the note . For a moment Adam stood like frozen to the ground . " Amazing , " he said to himself . " Is this supposed to be some kind of weird token gesture ? " Because what he was holding in his hand was another one of the Brigadier General 's cards , with a message not unlike the one that had got him to go up to the General 's house on Friday afternoon . It read : If you have the possibility , please join us in the garden this afternoon for a lovely cup of tea . The card was not signed . Adam supposed Diana must be the sender , but then who did she mean by " us " ? Wasn 't her grandfather still in the hospital ? " Hm , " thought Adam . " Before I put in the top gear and roll out the barrel this time ( he hardly knew himself what he meant by that ) , I think I 'd better check up on how old Gandalf is doing . . . " To Skittles , the pastor could just as well have been speaking from a minaret , or trying to explain in Chinese how to use a slide rule . All he heard was a distant mumble , while staring at the back of William 's neck , trying to decide whether the young man hand actually put grease in his hair to achieve that spiky hairstyle , and wondering whether Diana approved of that . Every cloud has a silver lining , though . After the service , both Diana and William turned around to greet him and Matthew , and Diana gave them a dazzling smile . " Matthew Turtles , " said Matthew , shaking hands with Diana , and then looking inquiringly at William . " William Wood , " said William . " I 'm in sales . " " I warned Bumblebee I might be bringing along one or two guests for lunch , " said Diana . " Perhaps all three of you would like to join me ? Only . . . " She looked hesitantly at Matthew , who raised his eyebrows , not knowing what to expect next . " I 'm sorry , " said Diana , and now he saw that it was she that was nearly choking with laughter . " I really can 't help it . It 's just that old B suggested he could make turtle soup . . . I do apologize , if I had known who John would be bringing along , I would have asked for another menu , but . . . " After the main course following the turtle soup , they had ice cream and coffee ( served in mugs ) out on the terrace , and Diana then brought up a discussion of the sermon they had been listening to - or were supposed to have listened to . Skittles suddenly wished he had been paying more attention . All he remembered was that it had been something to do with avarice . " I mean , " said Diana , " that reference to the mandala was really brilliant , wasn 't it . Here today , gone tomorrow , and then you have to start over . I do wish Grandpa had more of that attitude . " She turned to Matthew . " My grandfather collects things , " she explained . " All kinds of things . Even old broken bones ! " " Well , so he claims , " said Diana . " They look to me as if they could have been dug up from any old garbage bin ! " She turned again to Matthew and John . " Would you like to see them ? You 're police officers , maybe you can tell the difference ! " " I 'll introduce you afterwards , " said Skittles to his friend . " Or maybe we can get a seat next to her . Come on ! " " You 're a pathetic coward , that 's what you are , " said Matthew , in a teasing tone of voice . He followed his friend into the little church , and looked around curiously . As he did not live in this village , he had not been inside before . Skittles , too , felt a little lost and out of practice - it was some time since he had last been to church . Just inside the door stood a sleep deprived - looking woman in a hat shaped like a cauliflower , handing out hymn books . They each took one , but just as they were proceeding down the aisle , something wet hit Matthew in the neck . He turned around to see what it was , and saw that a couple of kids were throwing balls made of paper towels dipped in water about . " Hey , you stop that immediately ! " he said in his most official voice , showing his police badge . The kids gasped and disappeared through a door to the left . A young woman smiled appreciatively at him . " You almost deserve the Nobel Peace Prize for that , " she said . " I apologize , you must be getting a very bad impression of our church , but I assure you not all my children are as naughty as those two . At least it wasn 't spagetthi this time . " She disappeared through the same door as the kids . The Slumber Party Mystery is an ongoing story which is based on the Saturday Wordzzle Challenges from the blog Views from Raven 's Nest . Each Saturday , Raven provides 10 + 5 = 15 words and / or phrases , which you are supposed to weave into a context . You can use either the 10 words , or just the " mini " 5 words , or all 15 together as a mega challenge , as you please . Uluru in Australia is a magnificent place to visit . This is road one travels to visit Uluru and it 's simply beautiful . The reddis h colour in this area is . . . I am coming back . I will finish off the Harold story . Been occupied with all sort of other silliness : 2 new jobs and a lot of songwriting / music - making ( a l . . . Yesterday Chief Ican went out to visit Mrs . Westup . He wanted to see the miracle appliances for himself . Amila was happy to see him and to be given the ch . . . |
The dogs loved their Christmas present from Uncle Thom , who was actually the only one to give them a gift . They each got a package of homemade treats , special treats with caviar . This picture is before they had tasted them and I took it quickly before they could jump up after them . I still have my coat on after walking home after a wonderful Christmas dinner . David 's daughter Martha is here for the holiday and we happily drank champagne , opened gifts ( or I should say I opened gifts since everyone else had already opened theirs ) , and watched " How the Grinch Stole Christmas , " a tradition we have had for many years . It never loses its appeal or fails to delight us as if we were seeing it for the first time . The rest of my day was basically spent on the phone . . . . . . . . . long visits . I had awakened with a feeling of general sadness that hung over me long enough to write several pages of woeful musings in my journal . I was just finishing up when Carrie called . Immediately I recovered my good humor and have remained in splendid spirits since . I think I was unsettled by my decision not to go to a Christmas Eve party I had been invited to . Whenever I look at my own self imposed lack of social contact I begin to think there must be something wrong with me . I feel conflicted , and a little weird . I consider why I am the way I am ( I don 't know ) and wonder if I should force myself to be more social . It takes a little time for me to get comfortable with myself again . It takes some time to remember that the friendships I have are just the ones I want . . . . . . . . . . I 'm getting the hang of it . This is a pretty complicated design . It 's messy in places , but basically I am achieving what I wanted to achieve . This is the point at which I will likely lose interest , although I 'd like to be more sure of myself so the paper wouldn 't be manhandled as much . The progression from the upper right corner around the design shows the progress of my understanding the folds . By the time I reached 9 o ' clock I was hitting my stride . Yesterday I had the idea of doing origami using fabric , which is not original with me by any means . I got a piece of cloth that I imagined would hold a pressed pleat well . As soon as I began , I realized making a grid by pressing folds presents some significant problems . As you might imagine , once the horizontal pleats are pressed , ironing the vertical ones destroys them . I abandoned the project with uncharacteristic resignation . Since it was a relatively mild day ( probably in the mid thirties ) I spent some time changing the bedding in the chicken house . After I put the girls out this morning I wrestled the new bag of shavings out of the car and back behind the house . After removing the old stuff with rake , hoe , and shovel I dumped the pristine stuff . The chickens showed their usual irritation at my redecorating and refused to go back inside . Later , when it started to rain - snow , I went back to close them up , only to find them hovering under a small platform in the yard . I tried to threaten them with the handle of the hoe , but they know from experience that I wouldn 't really touch them . They 've never experienced a hunger pang in their little lives , so bribery with food is useless . Finally my exuberant and cheerful " come on girls , come on , come on " finally enticed them out , but they were still having nothing to do with their clean house . Eventually I went inside the coup and called them repeatedly until Bonnie , my boldest girl , tiptoed through the door . Once she was in , the others followed . How I love my dogs and my chickens . I think I could have been happy spending my life taking care of farm animals . In a way it 's a selfish kind of happiness , because it comes from knowing that I provide everything for them , that I give them the happiest little lives they can have . . . . . the other side of that being that they have no knowledge of any other way of life and therefore have no responsibility to feel gratitude . To them life is just what is . They take food and shelter and comfort for granted . I wonder if this pleases me so much because I have never lived up to expectations , never achieved the goals set for me , never accomplished what I was supposed to . I am smart and talented , yet a failure at everything our society expects of such a person . I never really wanted to be that person except for my insatiable desire to please . Wanting to In anticipation of my show in May I decided to paint a new self portrait . I haven 't done one for awhile , and I plan to devote part of my show to paintings I 've done of myself over the years . Zislav Sikora , a visiting teacher from Chicago , once told me that self portraits were an important part of my work . Though I don 't know how important they are , they certainly represent a large part of the paintings I 've done throughout my life . This is a little one , 8x10 , done with acrylic paint . I 'd forgotten how much I like acrylics and am glad I tried them again . It 's a fairly good likeness , though possibly a little flattering . If that 's true , it is the first one that is . I have always been pretty brutal when portraying myself . I don 't know if it 's because of a poor perception of my appearance ( or of myself in general ) , or lack of ability . This painting is the result of three days of struggle . Usually I don 't have to work so hard . It could be because I almost had to chain myself to my easel to keep from going back to my origami . Here is a more complicated tessellation that has taken me more endless hours to accomplish . I 've done better versions , but my camera batteries died after taking this picture . No one would notice the difference , anyway . It 's an ever increasing mystery why I am so enthralled with this project . I have become " proficient " enough now to begin to wonder why I keep going . It 's my usual habit to work at something just long enough to think I would be able to become good at it . It 's the pursuit of the thing rather than the product . What in the world would I do with this ? Do I have to prove to myself over and over again that there is nothing I can 't learn to do if I try hard enough ? When I was a lot younger I was in the habit of becoming an expert at everything I did . This doesn 't seem to be the case now . . . . . . . . . . . possibly because I don 't have the time left on earth to work that hard at each thing I try . I have been patient with my paper folding in its different forms , giving up temporarily when I reach an impasse and going back later . In my wake there is origami insects , origami flowers , and free form paper folding . All of these keep coming and going as my mental energy warps and wanes . There comes a time when some time for integration of experience takes place better on auto pilot . Yet I 'm not ready yet to say good enough for now . I have managed to succeed at quite a few of the tessellations in my book when I make just one repeat of the maneuver . These folds are meant for repetitions , though , and that 's the beauty of them . Before I can give this a rest , I am going to have to learn at least one well enough to repeat it successfully on a fairly large grid . Folding the grid is , as I 've said , the obnoxious part of the process and I 'm not going to invest the time in making a big one until I know I won 't mess it up with mistakes . I 'm trying to learn to see it as a Zen kind of activity , as I 'm sure it can be . So far , though , I 've made negligible progress on that . I ordered this book after I read a review of it , but before I even opened the package I felt a peculiar thrill just from the sight of it . It was heavy and solid in my hands , and I could feel the book 's edges and binding through the brown wrapping . It took me a short while to understand what was going on in my mind . . . . . . . a book . A book with substance , with a hard cover and with pages that could be turned . It dawned on me that all my reading for quite some time has been on my Kindle . I have grown accustomed to its somewhat ethereal way of presenting the text that disappears with the touch of a button . I have no expertise with the thing , and various messages often appear , seemingly random bits of information I didn 't ask for . If I lose my place , there are no page numbers to help me find it again . The digital world is so immediate , and each moment seems to exist by itself , a pin prick of time . I first became aware of this when people stated wearing digital watches . It 's a completely different way of seeing time . A clock sees the whole day at once with the hands moving through it . One can 't help but see the big picture , looking at a clock . The present is seen in the context of a whole . It can be almost two o ' clock instead of 1 : 48 . It is clear on a clock that it was one thirty recently and that it will be two o ' clock very soon . I still have to translate digital clocks in my mind to orient myself in the day . The idea of an hour , or a morning , seems difficult to conceive when every minute disappears almost as soon as one can grasp it , to be replaced by a new present , also in the process of fleeing as soon as it registers in the psyche . I know that people brought up in my children 's generation have no trouble with any of this . They are able to hopscotch from one minute to the next and keep their balance . I think people think differently in this digital age . I have no opinion about whether one is better than the other . Things always evolve , and the world is in quite a mess doing things the way my generation is doing them . Well , quite a departure from my original thought about the book . I adore this book without even opening its cover . I love how the whole text is available at once , how the weight of the book feels in my lap , how the pages turn , but , like the minute on a clock , can still be reviewed at will . The book is real in a way that the same text on my Kindle isn 't . I possess it . It 's mine , here , not floating invisibly in the air , indifferent . I am a slow reader , savoring every word . It 's a big book . I have a lot to look forward to . Big news from downtown made the front page of the BDN . Part of the breakwater fell apart in the middle of the night . I haven 't been to look at it , but this is quite a catastrophe . A lot of business takes place at the breakwater . Some of the the fishing boats were damaged , and a truck parked there went down . I read that the town had just started to request bids for long needed repairs . Certainly it will be a monumental task to repair and rebuild it . All of the dirt in the picture is apparently what was holding it up . . . . . dirt packed in metal boxes anchored to the ocean floor . It will be interesting to see what happens now . Meanwhile , the moon came out full this afternoon and I couldn 't resist taking a picture even though I knew it wouldn 't do the scene justice . It 's pretty dark at four o ' clock now , so this is what I saw as I walked the dogs down the street . In the distance is Campobello , Canada . The lights are from houses over there . It 's an hour later over there , Atlantic time . I think Maine ought to be on Atlantic time as well . It would prevent these days when the day starts to wane at three in the afternoon . I guess the trouble is that the day is so short the morning would be too dark for the early business of the world . The bottom picture is proof that I forced myself away from my paper projects long enough to sew covers for two old pillows that were ravaged by time , dogs , spilled food , and feet . Thelma gave me the fabric years and years ago , and I have kept it in storage along with a lot of other cloth . Thelma was a real pack rat and never wanted to throw anything away . Instead she gave her surplus away when it became overwhelming . I was often the beneficiary . She liked to sew , and I have lots of remnants from her projects . I think of Thelma at least once a day and miss her still in a very present way . Now there is yet more evidence of her in my living room . The light color perks the room up quite a lot . It was an easy project with a concrete beginning , middle , and end . The product is predictably what it was meant to be . From setting up the sewing machine , winding the bobbin , threading the machine everything went smoothly . The scissors were sharp , the pins in the pin - cushion . the needle flew down the seams without hesitation . I turned the resulting squares right side out , poked the corners nice and sharp , slipped the pillows inside effortlessly . The fit was perfect . What a pleasure it was to simply go from one step to the next , steadily moving confidently toward my goal . It was all so smooth . I almost felt sleepy as I worked , soothed by what was happening exactly as planned , with a specific end , the product of my effort floating into existence without so much as a murmur of either regret or surprise . Now there it is , right where it was supposed to be , right where I envisioned it , looking exactly as I knew it would . Well , it 's good to find out early when an idea turns out to be not so good . I finally mastered folding the square to the point where I thought I could experiment . My thought has been that I could take old images and make something new out of them . I guess I did that , but the results , at least with these images , are nothing I want to use . It could be that something else would work , but I can see that random images do nothing . I 'd have to trust the power of my " inner artist " a lot more than I do . I doubt that my inner artist went along for the bumpy ride while I struggled to duplicate a prescribed geometric form . And even my choice of the piece of work I used was based on its size and manipulative qualities , not the image on it . It 's unbelievable how much time I 've been spending on learning this one fold from my book on origami tessellations . It 's the very first lesson in my book , and even though I have managed to flounder through the folds , the way they actually work remains a mystery . Every time I succeed I 'm not quite sure how it happened . The most obnoxious part of the process is folding the grid . At least it 's not difficult , but time consuming . I feel like a chimpanzee at a typewriter ( or a keyboard ) . Of course I am aiming for the " awe - inspiring " results described in the book , but I 'm beginning to wonder if I will live long enough to get to chapter 2 . I have to force myself to make my coffee in the morning and walk the dogs . Usually I don 't succeed and head straight for the book and paper I have put out of sight the night before . I hope in vain that I will resist giving it just one more try while the coffee maker works , but even if I manage to pour a cup of coffee it sits on the table unnoticed until it is long cold . Next thing I know hours have passed while I struggle to understand the maneuvers required to reach my goal I need to focus on other things , notably beginning to plan the solo art show I have committed myself to do in May . Unless I plan on exhibiting hundreds of pieces of waste paper I had better get moving . Pamela , I am not sure my comments to you are getting through , since the " Books " site says no - reply . I 've lost the other blog addresses you gave me . Let me know if we are communicating both ways : ) There have been storms all over the country , messing up plans for the holiday all over the country . Not so for Eastport , though . All we got was this slush , which has frozen now in a lot of places . Willy , that naughty boy , got away from me this morning as I was so dutifully picking up his poop . He disappeared and I spent about thirty minutes slogging through the mess looking for him . When I finally spotted him with his leash wrapped around a bush behind a neighbor 's house , he simply waited for me to untangle him , then raced away before I had a good grip on him . I am almost never angry with my boys , but I must say Willy inspired a deluge of unprintable words from my usually genteel mouth . It was another fifteen minutes or so before I spotted him again , this time racing toward town . He stopped and looked back at me , waited until I was just a few feet from him , then took flight again . Finally I was able to grab his leash as he stopped to investigate some irresistible aroma . I put him on a short tether and dragged him home , lecturing him the whole way . He , of course was oblivious to my irritation until we got to the house . Snapping his leash off and calling him uncomplimentary names finally got through to him that I was angry , and when I refused to give him his usual post - walk treat he knew something was wrong . He slunk upstairs and I haven 't seen him since . He has no idea why things took such an unfortunate turn , but he is laying low , no doubt waiting for the puzzling storm to pass . I ought to call him down , and I will in a little while , but thoughts of the winter ahead keep me in a less than charitable mood . I see the near future , me trudging after him through snow banks as high as my waist , slipping on ice - covered driveways , struggling through neighbors ' unshoveled yards , peering under porches . . . . well , you get the picture . Willy , Willy , Willy . When I moved here twelve or so years ago I brought with me all the paintings I had done as an art student in the 80 's and 90 's . They are very large and storage was a problem , so I put them in the cellar . To save space , I had already cut many of them off the stretchers and rolled them up . I forgot that I had a wet cellar that was far from appropriate for storing such things as artist canvas . Fast forward to the present . This morning I went to collect the paintings in anticipation of a big show at the Arts Center this spring . What I found was mold , slime , and rot . The paintings had come loose from the stretchers and rotted along the edges . Some of the canvas tore when I touched it . At first I couldn 't find the paintings I had rolled up , but as I gingerly pulled the soaked mess away , I saw an old black nylon bag I recognized as one of my old outdoor painting bags . Closer inspection revealed what looked at first like a pile of wet newspapers . It was actually a pile of soaked and moldy canvases . Well , I was philosophical about the situation , aware of the fact that nothing lasts forever . My concern was my plans for my show . So I sorted through the mess and salvaged some of the least damaged paintings . I hauled them into daylight and set them out to dry . The sky is threatening rain , but these works are obviously no stranger to water and maybe they will survive a good bath . Whatever happens , I will have to cut them down and glue them onto something solid . . . . perhaps masonite . If I were a different person I might have been sad and upset at looking at the rubble that had once been the outpouring of my confused and desperate mind . . . . . the evidence of my anguish , the visual manifestation of my otherwise unbearable turmoil . Probably this rubble saved me from suicide a hundred times . But now it conjures up only some bland memories seen from a great distance , and indescribable gratitude . After a relatively long hiatus that I really can 't explain , here I am . I have been busy trying to get some control of my finances , which takes much more time than I want to give it . I have also been producing various kinds of artwork . The most recent is woodburning on this table I found on somebody 's lawn . The picture is as it sits now , completed mere moments ago . I plan to finish it with polyurethane once I am sure I 'm done . It 's an image from a book of Asian needlepoint designs . I did in on 14 count needlepoint canvas many years ago and the pillow I made still sits in a chair in the living room . I tried to find another design for the table , but nothing pleased me as much as this . Here is the table " in situ , " . . . . . . . . really nice little table with a drawer . I spotted it at the top of the hill coming back from the dog park . There were several pieces of furniture in front of an empty house with a for sale sign in front of it . I 'm assuming that they were abandoned after a bigger yard sale . I originally was attracted by a bigger table , and went back to get it after taking the dogs home . I wrestled it over to the side of the road , but no matter what I tried , I wasn 't able to get it into the trunk of my car . As I stood there despairing , my friend Lindy appeared on her bicycle . She offered to help , but after several failed attempts she went home to get a truck . While I waited for her two good samaritans in trucks stopped , proving that chivalry is not dead . The other pieces of furniture sat tantalizingly in front of me , and before Lindy returned I had put this smaller table into my trunk . Together we loaded the bigger one in the truck and I drove home . After a short wait Lindy appeared with my table and a big cabinet she had pulled out of the dumpster at the same house . I used that table as an island in my kitchen , replacing the table top on two file cabinets I have been using . I 'm happy with both acquisitions . Next is the pathetic result of my attempt at making mosaics . I enjoyed doing it at Lisa 's studio , where she showed me how to do it . The first design I made I dismantled before gluing it , then proceeded to do this one . The idea was good , but the execution leaves a lot to be desired . My plan was to produce the ever - amazing ( to me ) Fibonacci curve . I was unable to accomplish it beyond this barely recognizable image . It was fun , though , and I look forward to trying it again . Finally here are two pictures of the same paper sculpture . Paper folding is so intriguing to me and I return to it every so often . It is a form of origami , with a different focus . I was introduced to it in art school in first year sculpture class . . . . . . I was a non - tradional student in my 40 's . Right from the beginning I was crazy about it . I have several books on the subject and am still amazed by the mind - blowing things people do with it . So that 's what I 've been doing , with the notable exception of participating in a show at Lisa 's gallery last week . The reception was the usual gala affair with food , drinks , and live music . The regular art crowd was there and we all had a good time . This is a painting I did this afternoon and it reminds me of why I love watercolor . Nothing can compare with the color and brightness it has when it 's done right . This one is done right . The trouble with the medium is that it needs a sure , confident hand . It 's so easy to blow it . Now that I look at the photograph , I see that I need a wash of blue toward the back of the road to make it lay down better . That 's a simple job as long as I don 't allow myself to be tempted into " fixing " anything else . I 'm happy . I am endlessly fascinated by the view from my studio window and this is my latest effort . It 's the same painting , yesterday and today . I knew that I didn 't have what I wanted , but I was ready to settle for what I had yesterday until I looked at it this morning . I had not in any way done what I wanted to do , which was to portray the strange light of the afternoon . It was foggy and overcast in the distance , but the sun kept poking through the clouds and illuminating the houses in the foreground . I failed to get the drama of the situation in the first version , and I 'm not sure I got it in the second one either . Still , I like the results and will let it stand as is . Anyone who has ever tried to photograph horses can sympathize with my failed efforts . They either ignore you , walk into your face , or turn their rumps to you . These horses were the only ones not on pasture yesterday , but it was such a beautiful day I wanted to get some pictures of the ones in the paddocks . . . . . . . . Fern on the bottom , then Twilight , then Twilight and Fern together arguing , then Twilight walking out of the picture with Zippy and Fern in the background . Notice how clean the paddocks are . . . . . . my handiwork . I am so happy to be working at the shelter again that my outlook about everything has improved considerably . What there is about shoveling horse poop that is so therapeutic for me I certainly don 't know . My practical problems are only marginally better , but my outlook has improved a lot . The world here in Maine is so beautiful as the leaves turn . . . . . . . . . I think they are at their peak this week in this area . The foliage report in the newspaper shows what parts of the state are most colorful , tracking the blaze of color as it moves from North to South . We are last to get it even though parts of the state are more southerly than we are . Being an island , the ocean keeps us relatively warmer ( or relatively colder depending how close the temperature is to 34 degrees ) . I am doing my pre - winter thing . . . . . . . . . the lower animal in me that prepares for winter . I am too far away genetically to have to think of storing food , and I don 't can and freeze food like many around here do . But I do start finding my hats and mittens , digging out my winter coats . I re - arrange furniture , which must be a vestige of preparing my den , put up curtains , move plants a little way back from the windows . I drag out my sweaters from the drawers in the guest room , check that I remember where I put my long underwear . I find my boots . My fake woodstove , which has served as an end table since last spring , has to be moved to an as yet undetermined place where I can plug it in and sit in front of it in the evenings . Amazingly this activity is comforting , seeing the evidence of the predictable movement of the earth . No matter how our little individual lives go , nature goes on without the slightest notice . The death of that fly I just found on my window sill as I dusted it impacted nothing that I can perceive . Its life and death was just a clue . When I read what I have written , I now inspect it with an editor 's eye , thanks to my new distant friend Pamela . She has taught me a lot about writing , inadvertently ( is that word necessary ? ) . I now know that you can write beautifully and make your point clearly without overdoing it . I don 't change anything that I write , but adverbs and adjectives leap to grab my attention in a sometimes menacing way . Did I really need that word " predictable " ? What about " marginally " ? Once when I had written a long essay for a course in school , the professor said the content was great , but I needed to " unpack " it . I love that way of expressing what I had done . I am wordy . . . . . . . . . no doubt about it . I notice it . But as my own editor I choose to let the chips fall where they may . I am always intrigued by the obituaries I see in the paper that show the deceased as a young person and then as they looked when the grim reaper grabbed them . I decided to see what my own obituary would look like . The top one was taken the day I was married in 1969 . The bottom was taken a minute ago . I tried to get myself in the same position ( what a good job I did ! ) . When I was a young professional woman I wore make up , which is responsible for some of the difference . I cared a lot about my hair , which is almost laughingly evident , whereas I now comb it only every few days and cut it myself when something gets out of line . All in all , though , I can still see that young psychiatric social worker in the face I stare back at now . There was a lot of trouble ahead that I did not foresee , and my face looks as smooth and untroubled as a baby 's . In the bottom picture I look tired and a little haggard , but I still have the same smile on my face . So I haven 't painted for awhile since I 've been so consumed by money problems . Today , though , I finally got up to the studio and went at it . This is another painting inspired by a picture in the newspaper . The minute I saw it I knew how I wanted to do it , with the huge foreground , I tore it out of the paper and it has sat on the table for weeks , amidst all the other clutter that is always there . As I was picking things up in an effort to tidy up before Carrie comes to visit tomorrow I unearthed the picture and immediately headed for my paints . It was already after three , so the dogs were nervous about their supper . . . . . . . and rightfully so . I worked until almost 4 : 30 before I gave in to their pathetic faces . The painting was almost done by then , and after I came back from walking them I finished it . It 's a rare painting that comes out just as I picture it , but this one pretty much did . It would probably look better if I cut it in half ( it 's 18x24 ) and discarded the bottom , but for now it will stay as it is . There 's more than a hint of Fall . . . . . . . . . . . it 's cold and it gets dark by seven o ' clock . Out came the afghans , though they weren 't far . I hadn 't got around to putting them away last Spring and they were still piled on a table in the hall after I washed them . This particular one was a thrift store find , and Patrick is certainly comfortable on it . I also have a huge one given to me by Thom . . . . my favorite even though it has to be washed quite often . It 's white with pink and green roses . Then I have one I made myself many years ago with a complicated crochet pattern , and yet another of Thom 's , shades of blue and white granny squares . They signify winter to me . Every evening the dogs and I sit on the couch wrapped in these blankets watching TV . It 's the only time I am warm . . . probably the dogs , too . Right now the temperature in the house is 60 degrees . Outside it 's much colder . My hands are stiff with cold as I type , in the familiar way of winter . Of course the days are still relatively warm . I worked at the horse shelter without a jacket today . The sun was out and there was no wind there in Perry . Eastport is always colder this time of year , and often not as cold in the winter months because of the ocean 's constant temperature . The trees have not started to turn color yet here as they have on the mainland . Fall lasts longer here , too . . . . . . . . . . . again thanks to the ocean . Strangely I don 't seem to feel particularly negative about the coming cold and snow and ice . It . s still a month or more away . It was only the sight of Patrick with the pillows and blanket , and the descending darkness . and the cold , that made my mind race ahead . I like the changing seasons here . Each year the world turns itself around , and here we see it . We see the evidence of time passing , and the cyclical nature of things . Every year there is a winter , but not the same winter , spring but not the same spring , summer not the same summer , and fall , not the same fall . Our seasons are loud and raucous . . . . . . . . they force us to have to adapt to a different way of life four times a year . And now , because it 's Fall , I have to go out and close the hen house door . My girls are vulnerable in the dark , and it is totally dark now . I 'll need a flashlight . To distract myself from the turmoil surrounding me ( which is slowly subsiding ) I have been at my origami with obsessive vigor . This is a mobile I made from a tree branch and paper cranes . You can imagine I can now make a crane blindfolded . I think I will add a few more on the right hand side . Below them the flowers are still blooming . When not making cranes , I am making flowers . Practice makes perfect , and I certainly have practiced . I 'm not near perfection , but I can make a pretty good blossom if I do say so myself . Then there is my little Willy eating his supper . He eats in the living room behind a baby gate to prevent Patrick from attacking him and stealing his food . The two of them are fine together unless there is food involved . After I felt I had conquered cranes and flowers , I opened my book on bugs , which is what I want to do eventually . I succeeded in getting to step number eight out of 108 . After trying for an hour and a half to figure out number nine , I went to bed . I spent the next two hours involuntarily visualizing the fold and trying to understand it . I couldn 't do it and finally fell asleep . When I got up I closed the book . I have been without a computer for two weeks , just one of many problems and inconveniences . I did manage to take pictures of notable changes in the garden as Fall flowers begin to take over . The first picture is my first successful origami flower . Since then I have made many more , as I distract myself from feeling totally overwhelmed . My car can 't be driven because of mechanical trouble I can 't afford to fix . I am therefore housebound . By spells my phone and TV have refused to work . I have overdrawn my checking account to the point that this month 's deposit only brought me up to zero . It 's amazing how one problem can lead to so many others , the last being this morning 's realization that it is Paint Eastport Day . . . . . a chance to make a little money by selling a painting . Since I have no car , I asked Diana to take me downtown to register and paint . When I came home to get the necessary paraphernalia , I realized I had no canvas . I decided to obliterate another painting , covering it with white paint . Then when I tried to pack up , I discovered I had very few tubes of acrylic paint , and those were not the colors I use . Still , I thought I could be adventurous with the ones I had . . . . . . . . . . white , blue , green and magenta . Then I discovered all my acrylic brushes had turned to little bricks for lack of washing thoroughly after their last use . Well , I could make do with watercolor brushes . When I realized I also didn 't have a usable palette for acrylics or oils , I decided perhaps I could do watercolor . . . . . but no watercolor paper . At that point I became overwhelmed with frustration and decided I was defeated . Besides , I had things to deal with at home . My TV , my router , my keyboard , and my mouse weren 't working . I had given up on them all and gone to bed last night , but I knew I had to face them today . I have obviously managed to get the mouse and keyboard functioning . The rest is still ahead of me . It would be possible for me to go on about how one thing leads to another , leads to another , leads to another for quite some time . But I won 't . There are origami flowers to be made . And thank goodness , dogs and chickens . . . . . . . . . . . . . Since I don 't think anyone looks at my painting blog , I decided to post them here , too . I am really having a good time with this woodburning . I think everyone I do is getting better . They look like illustrations from an old book . I got this image of the woman with the cats out of a book of Rockport artists that was published back when the Art Association was first formed . Her name was Edith Lowell and she painted in pastels . After looking at her for so long , I feel as if I know her . I bought these lily bulbs on the discount counter at Mardens late in the Spring . I always question my purchases made at a salvage store , but I risked it . They are so beautiful I wish I had bought more , and certainly I will get more in the spring . Planting bulbs is a leap of faith , of confidence that the time will come when they will grow and bloom . In my case , it is also an expression of my hope that I will still be here to see them , in this house , to see my garden rejuvenate itself . I am feeling increasingly insecure about my ability to pay my expenses here . I explore the possibility of assisted living housing for the elderly ( a term I can not believe applies to me , yet it does ) , where I would have basically two rooms to live in . The apartments are modern and clean , with laundry rooms in the basement and a community room on the first floor . In my imagination they have group activities like playing cards , communal puzzles , and sing - alongs . One pet is all they allow , if they allow them at all . Heat is included in the rent , which is the only redeeming feature for me . I try to imagine myself in such a place . I see myself with no dogs , no chickens , no studio , no garden . I see myself leaving this house I love and have lived in for so many years . The picture is unacceptable . Everything that constitutes who and what I am would be gone . Yet every year my fixed income buys less than the year before . At the same time the benefits I used to get because my income is so low are being taken away . Prices are going up on everything as well . I try not to think about this , but as it gets harder to manage it seems that I am in a constant state of financial emergency . Well , there 's no point in complaining about it , and I really am not complaining , but worrying . It 's hard not to talk about it because it is such a large factor in my existence . Yet I know it sounds like whining . Off and on I feel overwhelmed . I am happy at my core , though , and resilient . I am a painter and live in a small coastal town with two dogs , a cat , two parakeets , and five chickens . My two adult children live in nearby states and visit when they feel like going to the end of the earth . This world around me is beautiful and I have a good life without really trying . |
The beads had broken and scattered over the backstage floor . They had been her mother 's - four strands , with a tiny crystal between each rose - colored iridescent bead , and a silver filigree clasp . She remembered gazing at them , touching them , rolling them in her small fingers , as she sat on her mother 's lap . That was so many years ago . On her honeymoon , under a clear blue sky on an island beach , she lay on her tie - dyed scarf , the sun . She called to her husband as he walked along the waves . " Don 't be long , " but he was . She waited until the sun was going down - alone , with wind off the ocean chilling her to the bone . The once - clear blue sky seemed to resembled her transparent scarf , now wrapped around her shoulders - fading blue , streaked with gray and yellow , which made her cry . Since then , he had been " disappearing , " leaving her to wonder and worry : Where does he go ? How long will it be until he returns ? Does he even realize he is missed , or even that he is expected back at all ? Doesn 't he remember that he intended to finish fixing that door , that he was supposed to meet me for lunch , that he will miss dinner with the family - again ? Whenever she tried to figure out the how and why of it all , her thoughts raced to a vanishing point , and she told herself it didn 't matter after all . What worried her most was her husband 's patients showing up for their appointments when , more often than not , he wasn 't there to receive them . One day the few remaining appointments were cancelled , and he " retired " from a dwindling career . Later they learned there was good reason for her husband 's seemingly inconsiderate antics . Finding the reason did not change things much , even with medication and therapy . It could not be fixed ; it only remained to adjust to the new reality - a struggle to transform denial into acceptance , impatience into tolerance , and resentment into understanding - the contraries ! These were the random thoughts that arose in her as she looked for and collected scattered beads . She would have it repaired , put the beads back on their strands like new . What was wrong with that girl anyway , pulling them off like that ? She had brought in some of her mother 's jewelry for the carefree , high school girls to wear in their roles as aristocratic , Victorian ladies : the beads , broaches and earrings . One of the girls carelessly tugged at those strands of memories , sending them into the shadows behind the stage curtains . She liked finding use for items she had salvaged from her childhood home in a forlorn , upstate New York town . Besides the jewelry , she had a yellow Bakelite clock in the shape of a teapot hanging above her stove , and six ruby red wine glasses , a set of dishes , a few hand - painted Italian bowls - all kept in the glass cabinet in the dining room . Most cherished were old letters and cards she had found in her mother 's desk after the funeral . All were touchable memories to take in her hand , hold to her heart , to take comfort in when she could not be accepting , tolerant or understanding . Driving home this night , she kept thinking , Things are breaking , coming apart , irreparable . That very morning , as she dressed for the long day , she had brushed against and dislodged the small plate hanging on the wall - the one her mother had given her before entering the hospital for the last time . On the sky - blue and white memento , written in silvery script was : " Baby Christina Marie born November 10 , 1974 , 7 pounds 3 ounces . " She left it shattered on the floor . Almost home now , she loosened her fingers on the wheel as she drove down the tree - lined street . She recalled that sense of freedom she once had felt , driving along the Massachusetts Turnpike to her uncharted life - to all that was still ahead her , singing to herself , " Boston , you 're my home . " Later , she found herself having to get away from her new home when , one too many times , her husband didn 't show up for dinner , or she had to make excuses to angry patients , or he had forgotten to call for heating oil , and she came home to a frigid house . Then there were those maddening , one - sided conversations - he constantly interrupting her with unrelated questions and non - sequitur comments , until she had to laugh or go insane . Who am I living with anyway , Salvatore Dali ? She usually laughed , but when she could not , it was time to flee . Christina had already laid a crisp white cloth , as her mother always had done . She began to set the table with the dishes she found pushed to the back of the cabinet . It was the set her mother had used for family meals - pure white plates with a border of green ivy . " I don 't think he would mind if the children ate early , Charlotte , " she tried to reason . She called the children to come to the table , but before she had the words out , there was the sharp sting of Charlotte 's hand across her cheek . Charlotte quickly grabbed the shards from Christina 's trembling hands and tossed them into the trash can , then went to the cabinet . " I 've been meaning to throw those old things out for the longest time . " She went to the cabinet , pulled out a set of drab brown dishes and held them out to Christina . She pointed to mismatched glasses on the shelf : a Coke glass , one with Peter Pan and the Darling children flying away , and three painted with watermelon slices . " Now , finish the job , and we 'll wait for your father to come home ! " Christina mechanically made her way around the table with dishes and glasses . She took solace in thinking of her mother 's thin - stemmed , ruby - red glasses the cabinet at home . Can people be replaced like broken china ? In the quiet of that night , she returned to the kitchen , took the plates out of the trash and put them in her suitcase , intending to mend the broken ones when she got home . Memories of that incident lingered as she parked the car , and she shuddered at the them . Hurtful as it was , she also remembered her that , when her did get back that evening , he smiled , hugged her and said he was glad she had " come home . " It never felt like home again without her mother . Home … is it a place or a feeling ? She was glad it was day 's end . She gathered up the bags in the back seat and looked up the front steps with a sigh . The chestnut tree at the curb 's edge rustled its leaves - a welcome in the balmy night air . She was worn out and on edge , she felt at least one weight had lifted with her director duties over for the year . With great effort she climbed the steps to the front door , and up the staircase to the second floor landing . She stood facing two doors - one to the living room , the other to the shadowy office ; the streetlights cast dark reflections of branches and leaves dancing on the ceiling and walls , like a crazy light show in the abandoned room . She pushed open the other door with her foot and dropped the plastic bags containing a plaid smoking jacket , a blue chiffon dress , brown suede heels , a silver cigarette case , a blonde wig , a straw handbag , a bunch of yellow paper roses , a wooden box with jewelry and a pink satin bag containing the broken beads . She had intended to go straight to bed , but the sofa looked inviting , and besides , she was too tired to walk the extra few feet . She flopped down , grabbed the remote and found an old movie . Staring at the TV screen , her mind drifted to the worst day of her life and her meeting with her friend the week before . As they walked their favorite beach , the tide rolling in over the deserted , narrow shore , her friend had said , " If we could see things from the highest perspective , it would all be good . " It was thoughtless and rude to say that . Hadn 't she just heard the bad news ? For many years , the women had confided in each other , pondering whether life had any meaning , and , if so , what could it be ? They would look at each other and say , " It is what it is ; it will be what it will be . " But now it was all different . She knew what was to be . They had read about karma and considered it a more sensible alternative to heaven / hell , or nothingness . They neither entirely believed , nor disbelieved that humans chose the circumstances of their existence before birth - ones that would provide the context to live out their karma . They agreed that everyone appeared to have an a life theme with recurring questions , challenges , and an individual destiny , but also there were choices to be made , hopefully informed by increasing self - knowledge . Still , Christina thought for her friend to have suggested that anything was anything good about the diagnosis was just wrong . Is this my destiny ? Did I choose it ? Can I change it , fix it , get well ? Is the highest perspective heaven ? And why do I have to sink so low to get there ? As thoughts crowded in , she looked around at the cluttered room . She didn 't know what to believe . Just then her husband shuffled in and stood in front of her . He hardly ever greeted her when she came home late . Sometimes he was on the sofa asleep . After twenty years of marriage , there was no predicting what she could count on him for , yet he loved her and she loved him - that was never in question . He was not unfaithful . He was not unkind , and he always wandered back home to her . It had just taken a lifetime of adjusting and lowering expectations to realize that she could depend on him only for the things he was able to do , and not always for those she wished for or needed . Is that part of my karma , or his ? Her mind fogged over with the mystery of it all . She was happy to see him and grateful for those things he could manage . " Oh , the kids did a great job . We packed the house , and they loved it , but I 'm glad it 's over . " Though she was still upset about the broken beads , she didn 't have the energy to tell him about it . She leaned back against the soft cushions to focus on the movie . She closed her eyes , listening to banter between Tracey and Hepburn . When she opened them again she saw " THE END " in big white letters on a grainy black background . She roused herself , and , though exhausted , she dreaded another sleepless night . She sat up staring at the bags on the floor , thinking again about high perspectives , low places , broken beads and dishes , karma and cancer treatments . She undressed slowly , put on her favorite nightgown , looked down at the shattered plate scattered on the floor , then eased into bed as quietly as she could . She stretched out and edged her back toward her husband , as was her habit . Tomorrow is another day , but not an ordinary one , she thought , closing her eyes . Images of her children 's faces appeared . It was the hardest thing telling her family - seeing their sadness and their apprehension of grief . There had been a long silence . Her daughter was in tears , and her son said , " I want you to get well . " Her husband just put his head down . The oncologist had told her she would not get well . At the very least , she would be in treatment for whatever time she had left . Since then the family talked only of practical matters : treatment options , medical appointments , the details of " getting things in order . " She shielded her son and daughter from most of it , taking on the burden of their pain as well as her own . " Out of everyone I 've ever known , " her friend had said to her , " you are the bravest , strongest , most positive person . " Funny though , she didn 't feel strong , positive or even like a person - but rather like a shadow of the self she tried to build and sustain in this lifetime . She felt parts of herself were missing , wavering , like the quivering branches on the ceiling of the abandoned room at the top of the stairs - - a shadow of something real , but not real . She stood up , looked at her husband - lost child - not even pretending to be strong for her . He smiled and lifted his hand . She carried his smile with her down the long corridor and into the sterile room . The nurse got her settled on a bed turned up to a sitting position and prepared an IV drip of a bright red liquid . Christina was grateful to be opposite a window with a view of blue sky . In the closed palm of her hand , she lovingly held one of the rose - colored beads . She felt its smoothness . It had nothing to do with the rest of the beads now . It was beautiful and perfect all on its own . He had given away every last penny of an enormous inheritance - fifty - thousand here , ten - thousand there . He was homeless , but that didn 't matter , only that he missed being able to help others , as he once had done . I found this out when a stranger called me and said Kenny had given him fifteen hundred dollars and told him to see me for as many therapy sessions as the amount would cover . I remember thinking at the time : Inheriting a fortune is everyone 's ultimate fantasy , and Kenny just handed his out like cupcakes at a birthday party ! So , Kenny must have gotten the windfall from his Aunt Molly who had never married , and , as I remember , there was no other family . I met her once when we went to stay at her place on Martha 's Vineyard . And what a place it was ! I guess he gave that away too . " Oh … well , yeah … I guess … I mean , he said you 'd be able to help me . I wasn 't sleepin nights since my dad died , and a lota other things happened too - lost my job , that kinda thing . Kenny said you would help me , and I believe him . He gave me the money before he was homeless though . " " Yes , I see , that makes all the difference , " trying not to laugh out loud , or cry . I felt bad for being sarcastic , but I don 't think he noticed . " Let 's see what I 've got here , " looking at my calendar . " Next Tuesday at 2 pm , is that good for you ? " I jotted down his contact info gave him directions , " Okay , see you next week . " After we hung up , I was sorry I hadn 't asked at least a couple of million questions I had formulated in those few minutes on the phone - some of the same ones I 've had since I last saw Kenny . I knew it would be odd asking my new client questions when we met for the first time . He was the one looking for answers , but I figured I would get at least some of mine answered over time - that is , if he even showed up . Not that I didn 't want to help the caller ; Sam was his name . It 's what I do . I 'm a therapist , and a pretty good one at that , but , I already resented Sam in a way for taking Kenny 's last dime . I was looking forward to finding out what had happened to my lost lover - lost in every way it seemed . We hadn 't seen each other in a few years , and we didn 't part on good terms . It all got too bizarre and too complicated to deal with - even for me . It was the last time I saw Kenny . I left in a huff never wanting to see him again . When things had simmered down , I tried to get in touch with him again ( and again ) over the next few months - texting , calling , emailing , and even writing a good old - fashioned letter - no response . I finally got up enough nerve to go to see him ; I really wanted to see him , but he had moved and couldn 't be found . The city is a big place , but it 's still incredible to me that a person can 't be found - even if he doesn 't want to be found . He obviously did not want to be found . So , Sam did show up for his appointment . We shook hands , and I invited him into my inner sanctum - a quiet room with big cozy chairs , muted colors , diffused light coming in the windows in the day time , and warm , soft lighting at night . I had created a place where my clients would feel comfortable and safe ( I despise those words , " comfortable " and " safe " ) , so they would tell me their life stories , or at least the part of the story before the turning point , or after it as the case might be . " Not surprised … no , we weren 't exactly what I 'd call good friends or anything like that . He hung out with us at the shelter downtown , so we all knew ' im , and he was always so nice to everybody . But when I saw his place , it was a mess , and I kinda felt I was in better shape than he was , and he didn 't look good . " " Oh , no , no , just kinda down on my luck these days . I have a place , but went to the shelter for meals sometimes after I lost my job , and that 's where I met Kenny . He talked to us … never seemed like he belonged there though . I kinda told him my sob story , and he took me back to his place that one night - probably on the worst night of my life . That 's when he gave me the fifteen hundred and told me to call you . I went back to thank him again a coupala days later . I knocked and rang the bell , and just as I was ready to leave , the guy across the hall comes out and tells me Kenny didn 't live there anymore . I saw him on the street about a week later , and he told me he was homeless . I lied to ya , Doc , ' cause Kenny … he really gave me two thousand dollars cash , but I used five hundred of it for my rent . I asked him to take the rest of the money back ' cause he needed it more than me , but he wouldn 't . That 's when he told me he inherited money and had given it all away . He said he only wished he had more to give . He said he didn 't need it . " It felt strange - taking Kenny 's money for my services . I offered to charge half the amount for the sessions , so Sam could go beyond the fifteen weeks it would cover at my regular rate , but he wouldn 't hear of it . As the weeks went by , I didn 't learn more about Kenny , but I learned a whole lot more about Sam . He was a simple soul and honorable . I knew I would keep Sam on when the money ran out and hoped he would agree if he felt he needed more time . He was making progress though . He had found a job to keep him afloat , so he didn 't have to go to the shelter for meals , but told me he stopped by there from time to time to see the old gang , but there was no sign of Kenny , and , apparently no one else had seen him either . " And how did you feel about that ? I asked but was thinking , Yeah , I get it . That 's what he did with me too - just disappeared . Kenny and I met when we were at Columbia , finishing up our degrees - his in philosophy and mine in clinical psychology . It was love at first sight you could say . I was amazed to realize there was such a thing - unexplainable - that kind of attraction . He was intriguing , quirky , quiet mostly - not the small - talk type , but I liked that . I thought later , if I had wanted " normal , " I would have looked for " normal . " No such thing anyway . I know that for a fact ! His hair was dark and wavy , and his eyes were kind - - a soft , misty brown . His skin was clear and smooth , like a boy 's , but it was his hands that made an impression . They were perfection - a monk 's hands I thought - made for writing on parchment with a feather pen dipped into a pale blue glass ink well . Later , I saw that his handwriting had a grace and elegance about it , reminiscent of those Medieval illuminated manuscripts . And he did a lot of writing - all by hand . He wrote on various , obscure and abstract subjects - scholarly critiques on philosophers or theologians . He was intrigued with the lives of saints . All those original ideas and imaginations he had , and expressed them in such beautiful images , precise analogies , lofty metaphors and clear logic . Who cared if it were only hormones or pheromones ? The attraction was immediate , and I knew he felt it too . I don 't know how he would have described me , or what part of my body he thought was perfection , if any , but the feeling was mutual , passionate , intense - and ultimately doomed . Looking back , there must have been a genetic code for disaster in the nature of our relationship . We were too different , and he gradually ascended , or descended , depending on the way you looked at it , into an unreachable place , intent on becoming a saint himself . It wasn 't going to work . His mind was like a black hole - sucking everything into it - and nothing escaped - all the facts , knowledge , ideas , probabilities and possibilities . Mine was more like a sieve , holding only what I needed to get through each day - the rest sifted through . Anyway , it 's how I came to think of " us " - opposites . Despite the chemistry , or maybe because of it , it all came crashing down . " You know what your trouble is , Kenny ? " I said during one of our increasingly heated arguments . " Despite your knowledge of philosophy and religion , you don 't really believe in anything , do you ? " We were sitting on his bed in the little room he was living in , piled high with books , strewn with empty wine bottles , half - written papers on his desk , ashtrays crammed with cigarette butts . He stood up , bare - legged in his white boxer shorts . I was already sorry I said anything , and wished we were still in the bed together , so I could put my fingers through his dark , matted hair and wrap my legs around his . He put his hands on his hips , made a half turn away , then back again , glaring at me with those eyes , always shining with an unearthly - maybe even heavenly look . Quietly , almost in a whisper and with a look on his face as if he just had a revelation , he said , " It 's not that I don 't believe in anything . I believe in everything ! " It was hard to have a saint for a boyfriend , as it must have been hard for him to have me , a born therapist , analyzing him in a way no therapist would if she wanted to keep her client . But I wasn 't his therapist ; I was his lover and his anchor - I believed that . I had this weird thought - I was him trying to get in , and he was me trying to get out . I needed his ability to soar above it all - to what he might have called the " world of ideas " which encompassed the whole of creation - the only reality to speak of , according to Saint Kenny . If he needed me at all , maybe it was for my ability to focus on one thing at a time , to plan and to follow through . Kenny said we complimented each other . He said I thought inductively - from the specific to the general , and he thought deductively - from the general to the specific . Boy , was he deep , which I figured made me shallow . I guess I was shallow in my ambition for my own practice and to make a good living , shallow in my wish to own a piece of real estate in some remarkable location , shallow for my need to take vacations from time to time . My desire for and my pleasure in material things , and all the rest of it , was in direct opposition to what Kenny stood for . That became clear after those few days at his Aunt Molly 's . To me , it was paradise - the island in the sea , the blue sky above , brilliant sun pouring through a dream house . I made a big fuss about it . I told Kenny I could see us living life there . I was like a mystic in ecstasy , but not the kind Kenny read about in his Medieval texts . I knew he could have been just as happy in one of those remote , monastic beehive huts on Skellig Michael , off the coast of Ireland - happier most likely . I snuggled up to Kenny on our first night there . The ocean breeze was cool , the full moon over the ocean - visible from our bed . The fragrance of beach roses and hedge wafting in , and our bodies warm together . I put my head on his chest - which I also thought was pretty perfect . " What do you say , Ken ? Let 's live here . I 'll set up a practice . You could write too , maybe finish a book in the quiet of this place - that book you 've been working on . " " You 've just been musing all this time , really ? Didn 't you ever think of sharing what you 've learned , what you know ? " I 'd been wondering about where he was going with his work for a while , along with a lot of other things I didn 't dare mention . " No , I haven 't thought of it ! I 'm happy doing what I 'm doing , and I don 't want to leave the city . I like the noise and the grit of it and the people - all of them coming and going , even the ones lying on the subway grates . I 've been thinking about doing something else too , instead of living only for myself . There is so much need out there . " " I didn 't know you thought of me as helping anyone . I mean , I certainly try . " I was touched by his comment , as if he needed me for an example of " good , " as he called it . " But , I don 't think I am the greatest example of good , that 's for sure . " I reminded him , " You 've read , and know so well , the best of the best for inspiration on that score : Socrates , Plato , Augustine , Aquinas , I mean … " When we got back to the city , at first he continued to live in his dark room , thinking and writing . He did some work part time in a library , earning enough to subsist - subsidized by me , which I didn 't mind . I admired his ideals , and I loved him , which meant I made sure we could both live the life I wanted - dinners , plays , weekend getaways - none of which seemed to matter much to Kenny . " It doesn 't matter if they change their lives , " he almost shouted . " That 's your goal , not mine . I 'm happy to help in small ways in a moment of need . You manipulate people and want them to live as you do . " " You said I did good before , and I thought you meant it . Why are you being so hostile now ? " That 's when I said he needed a therapist - the last thing I ever said to him - a long time ago . We parted ways , and that , as they say , was that . I eventually came to accept that it was all for the best . Kenny was right ; I did want him to live as I did , because , I didn 't want to and couldn 't live as he did . Exactly on the fifteenth week of the sessions with Sam , he told me it would be his last one . It kind of took me by surprise , but I had to agree ; he was in a good place . " Well , you let me know , Sam , if you need to come in , and remember what I said - no charge , okay ? " I had come to look forward to our sessions . I liked Sam . He had a natural kind of wisdom about him , and it didn 't take much to get him to think about things in another way , and he was able to make some changes because of it . He had been in a rut , but was easily budged out of it . I would miss him ; having him around made me feel close to Kenny , strange as that sounds . I still can 't remember Sam 's leaving the office . I stared down at the envelope in my trembling hand , and fell into one of those cozy chairs to open it . So much time had passed , but no love lost on my side . Was it a suicide note ? I found myself thinking crazy things the moment before I opened it , desperately hoping it was the impossible - an invitation to meet him somewhere , anywhere . I wanted to look into those eyes one more time . Those old feelings and memories had been stirred up over the past weeks - rushing in and swirling around flooding my head and heart . That was two years ago . I 'm settled into my new practice on Martha 's Vineyard . The letter Sam brought from the law firm was a shocker . Kenny willed Aunt Molly 's house to me ! When I went to see the attorney , he said he had met with Kenny only once , and didn 't know that much about him , except that he had been sick , even before the inheritance from his aunt . That explained his giving a fortune away , but why will the house to me , after all that time ? Today , I found that letter I had written to Kenny years ago . When I unfolded it , a small piece of parchment fell out . On it , in his beautiful handwriting , he had written : Behind the shelf . Wasn 't that the truth ! But the lines weren 't exactly a clue - just a confirmation of what I already knew , but now I can 't get those them out of my head . Now , from this distance of space and time , indeed , the absence of those illusions that do not exist here , I linger , preparing to return to life anew . What did I leave behind ? A portrait for others to look upon , a scrapbook of moss designs , a diary , and a stone cottage by the sea . I review my life as one would a colorful tableau , and find that mine was a life worth living . I will tell you something of that life - of dreams , , and dreams fading ; of time passing ; of dear family and friends , loved and lost ; and of people and places changed . Through it all , there were the immutable gifts of nature to renew my soul with unequaled joy , asking nothing in return . Vulnerability is not a weakness , a passing indisposition , or something we can arrange to do without , vulnerability is not a choice , vulnerability is the underlying , ever present and abiding undercurrent of our natural state … . To run from vulnerability is to run from the essence of our nature , the attempt to be invulnerable is the vain attempt to become something we are not . ( David Whyte Poet / Philosopher ) I love these thoughts by poet , David Whyte . They remind me that vulnerability is partly what allows us to be fully human and feel a sense of belonging . Our tendency to try to remain invulnerable prevents us from taking the risk of connecting with others . We are vulnerable when we share our creations in any of the arts ; when we are committed to relationships with others , when we empathize with the pain , sorrow , grief and joy of others . We are most vulnerable when we hold ourselves accountable to our highest ideals . The rest of creation becomes what is meant to be without choice or consciousness : a seed becomes a flower ; a larvae becomes a butterfly . All things fulfill their nature without choice or reflection . Humans have the opportunity to choose consciously in small and large ways throughout a lifetime to be better , to be more than we are , to be more whole , to become more true to our higher selves . We are capable of bringing all manner of new things to creation - - first through our unique individuality , then through evolving and transforming , which always involves allowing ourselves to be vulnerable . There are many times when are vulnerable through no choice of our own . Then there are many opportunities to make the decision to allow ourselves to be vulnerable through living fully , loving unconditionally , taking risks and trusting that all will be well . Posted by |
The paranormal is often intimidating , confusing , terrifying . But strange knocks , dark entities and growls in the night aren 't always bad . The following are two stories of welcomed bumps in the night . A mother 's touchJo Ann Miller , Texas , visited her family in Independence , Mo . , in fall 2009 . She went to the cemetery where her parents are buried , and drove by the house she grew up in , the house where her mother lived for 60 years . Later , at a party , Miller watched a family DVD with pictures of her mother , father and baby pictures of her son , who died in 1995 . " After we came back to Texas I was talking on the phone to someone about how nice it was to see those old pictures and how good my mother looked , how good my son looked , and also how nice it was to see a photo of my brother - in - law , " she said . " None of them are living . " About 30 minutes later , Miller knew she was not alone in her house . " I felt a hand resting on my right shoulder , " she said . " Such a light touch . It was almost like it wasn 't touching me , but it was . " No one was there . She looked for other explanations , such as a breeze from the ceiling fan , but the fan wasn 't on . " There was no explanation , " she said . " It was just a nice feeling to have that invisible hand touching my shoulder . " She believed the touch was from her mother . The next morning she was sure of it . " I woke up in bed , rolled over , and happened to see the digital clock in our bedroom , " she said . " It had the numbers flashing that were my mother 's home address numbers exactly . I believe now that it was my mother - or an angel sent by my mother - that touched me . It isn 't something I would want to happen very often , that 's for sure . But it was a comforting presence . " The Ghost Watches Over UsWhen Krissy Mathers and her significant other moved into their Texas apartment in 2007 they knew they were not alone . " This wasn 't the first time that my partner and I had ghostly roommates , " she said . " In our previous apartments there were specters . I feJason Offutt All little Diane Garder wanted to do was play . As she stood in her aunt 's yard one afternoon , she noticed someone standing nearby . " When I was three years old I saw a shadow person , " Garder said . " It looked curiously at me as I played in the backyard of my aunt 's home . " Alone in the yard - her family was inside - she approached the shadowy figure ; it didn 't like that . " The entity looked at me and when I acknowledged it , it seemed to have feared me , " Garder said . " I chased it and said , ' Wait wait . It 's OK . Who are you ? Do you want to play ? ' As a little child I did not know yet enough that I should have been scared . " She chased this figure until it ran between two trees , through a fence and vanished . " Was this entity from a different dimension or a ghost ? " she said . " My mother had an abortion a few years before I was born and the shadow looked like it would have been the age of the older sibling if it had lived on this planet and not had been terminated during my mom 's pregnancy . Could it have been my dead brother or sister ? Till this day at the age of 26 I am in utter amazement and awe of such a being . " Children see more than adults . Invisible friends , ghosts , little people . Children often startle their parents by discussing encounters with someone whose description is similar to a grandparent the child has never met . Is it imagination , or can children tap into a part of the world adults can no longer see ? Bill Bryant was one of those children . " I saw the Hat Man when I was a kid , " he said . " My brother and I shared the same room . Maybe 30 years later I was talking to my brother about it at my mom 's house . He said he saw the same thing . " The Hat Man is an often - seen type of shadow person that wears , of all things , a fedora . " Last fall my sister was telling my mom of seeing the Hat Man , " Bryant said . " ( Mom ) remembered my story and described him to my sister before she could describe him . " Is the ability to see the paranormal something we outgrow ? Or do children experiJason Offutt The run - down apartment in Brisbane , Australia , always felt wrong to Kayla Griffiths . " Numerous friends who would visit would sometimes have to leave certain rooms or sometimes the entire apartment because of these energies , " Griffiths said . Strangeness began the first week she lived there - the apartment spoke to her and her flatmate . The voice told Griffiths to get out of bed . " Me and my original flatmate experienced a voice speaking to each of us , " Griffiths said . " To me it sounded like her , to her it sounded like me . " Griffiths walked into her flatmate 's room and found her still in bed . Neither of them had spoken . " Her face dropped , " Griffiths said . " We both knew something weird had happened but had brushed it off . " The strangeness continued , slowly at first . " Things began disappearing then showing up in places we would clearly see it , " she said . " Once I walked past the fridge and a bottle off the top of the fridge flung to the ground and smashed on the floor in front of my legs ; enough to have little cuts on my legs , but nothing serous . " The negative feeling increased slowly , too . The feeling grew stronger the longer Griffiths lived in the apartment . Hatred , anger , self - loathing . " The rage and anger we felt started off with little arguments and annoyance over small things , which we palmed off as stress , " Griffiths said . " And slowly things started getting more angry . It felt like there were constant tensions in the house . " Griffiths ' flatmate - also her best friend - became so angry she moved out . " We ended up not speaking anymore , " Griffiths said . " I had thoughts that were completely paranoid about her , thinking she was doing things to hurt me . " Then Griffiths ' boyfriend , a devout Roman Catholic , moved in , and the negative feeling in the apartment grew worse . " The anger then seemed to heighten between me and my boyfriend , starting off with big yelling matches , then throwing things , then pushing , " she said . " It became more and more violent where I would feel asJason Offutt Something was wrong with the house . Angie Kelly of New Cumberland , Pa . , and her family moved into the large Foursquare that sat over a large series of caves in the 1990s . " There was a hole in the back yard that lead down to the caves , " Kelly said . " We kept a board over the opening so kids and dogs wouldn 't fall in . " But the Kelly family had more to worry about than cave openings . " Being in the basement doing laundry , I never felt like I was completely alone , " Kelly said . " It was a strange feeling , like someone was watching me . " Whatever was watching Kelly may have been watching her toddler , too . " My son , Ryan , was also exhibiting very strange behavior , " Kelly said . Ryan began slamming himself against the safety rails on his bed and tried to throw himself through the house 's large front window . " At one point ( he ) attempted to throw himself down the stairs , " she said . " This was a frightening thought . " Then things started happening in Ryan 's room . " A horrible odor filled my son 's room , and just his room , " Kelly said . " Before too long , his room was overrun with flies . They were all over the windows , ala ' Amityville Horror . ' " Kelly couldn 't get rid of the smell or the flies . " They seemed to have no desire to leave his room , " she said . " The odor seemed to emanate from his closet and I had to remove his clothes so they wouldn 't stink . " Finally , Kelly turned to religion . " We never did figure out what the smell and the flies were all about , but after hanging a cross in his room , the smell left and the flies disappeared , " Kelly said . The Kellys finally moved away from whatever lurked in that house . " The house also got hit by lightning while I was living there , " Kelly said . " It was a very weird year that I lived there , just one strange thing after another . It was kind of a relief to move out . The entire experience in that house was very bizarre . " But whatever was in the house may have followed them . " In the mid - 1990s , I lived in a rented duplex , " she said . " It waPosted by Leanne Smith couldn 't explain her panic . Smith carpooled to work in Deale , Md . , in 1999 when one night her driver stopped at a small grocery store , leaving Smith in the pickup alone . " We parked at the edge of the parking lot with the store entrance and lot behind us , " Smith said . " We had worked late and it was well after dusk . " Smith relaxed as she sat in the truck , watching cars going through the intersection , waiting for the driver to come back . " I make note of my emotions because in this peaceful , relaxed state , I was hit with an unbelievably strong sense of fear or danger , " she said . " There was no rational explanation for this intense fear and I was able to be objective . It was really strange to me , feeling this fear all of a sudden . " Realizing she was slipping into a panic attack , Smith tried to figure out what might have triggered this immediate overwhelming terror . " The fear or sense of danger didn 't increase or become more intense , " Smith said . " The ( initial ) intensity was extraordinary . " Then she noticed a possible trigger for her fear ; a group of about 10 young men who were " roughhousing " in the parking lot behind her . Smith leaned closer to the passenger side mirror to watch them . " A couple of them sounded drunk and it sounded as though it was possible a fight might be brewing , " she said . " I went to move the rear - view mirror to get a better view and saw something out of the corner of my eye . " From the passenger seat , Smith slowly looked to her left , and found the cause for her terror . " I looked over at the driver 's window and there , facing me , was a woman looking in at me , " she said . " Not just glancing in , she had her shoulders square to the driver 's door of the pickup , standing about a foot and a half away from the window , which was closed . " The appearance of the woman rammed the intense fear deeper into Smith . " My heart shot to my throat and I couldn 't move , " she said . " I just looked at her and she at me . " Although the harsh shadows cast by the yellowPosted by Author 's note : This is the second of a two - part story of Bigfoot encounters in Southeast Missouri . Ken Mattheis had a flat tire . He and his cousin Jim had ridden their bicycles into Leasburg , a rural Southeast Missouri town , and now couldn 't get home - so they called Grandpa . " My grandpa was in his 90s and he drove really slow , " Mattheis said . As his grandfather puttered down Route H , Mattheis and his cousin , sitting in the bed of the pickup , saw a man walking in a field . " I saw what looked like a large man in a light brown winter coat in coveralls with a hood up walking in a field , " he said . " It was all light brown , the hair , face and hands was like the color of hay . " The man was large and swung his arms like a cross - country skier . " We got closer and I realized it was a Bigfoot , " Mattheis said . " The hair on top of the head was long and it went straight up and looked really strange like a Conehead . " The boys sat in the truck , staring at the Bigfoot as their grandfather motored by . The thing never looked at the truck . It just kept walking until it reached the woods . The boys didn 't say anything to their grandfather , who didn 't see the brown man walking in the field . Mattheis had a more personal experience a few years later . " I had a truck and was with several of my cousins and his friends and we had nothing to do so I decided to go drive them into the woods that night and go listen for the panther screams , " he said . " We drove into the woods and parked , and I think four or five kids were in back of this truck . " After a few minutes of silence , the teens heard something large walking toward them through the woods . " We could hear something large in the woods coming towards us breaking limbs and breathing really loud in and out as if it had breathing problems , " he said . " The kids freaked and wanted to leave , but I said , ' no , lets see what 's coming . ' I 'd like to know what the hell is making all that noise . " The breathing thing circled the truck , breaking tree limbs and throwing Posted by Author 's note : This is the first of a two - part story of Bigfoot encounters in Southeast Missouri . Darkness engulfed the Southeast Missouri farmhouse , the air still in the January night . Ken Mattheis knelt behind his parent 's house working , meager light illuminating a generator , the only sign of electricity for miles . " A few years ago the power went at my parents farm house and I went out to help them set up a generator for the first time , " he said . He 'd left a tool in the van , so he walked into the darkness to retrieve it . " It was a cold , pitch black night , " he said . " I heard footsteps on the ice - covered grass . " He thought it was his father outside with him , but when a tree branch snap , he knew it wasn 't his father . " I heard crunch , crunch , then limbs started breaking and falling , " he said . " I turned to see what was causing the limbs to break and saw this large black shadow standing up under a tree behind me . " The figure knocked down more limbs , then stopped . " It stood still as if it was waiting for me to do something , " he said . " I thought , ' crap , you 're not my dad . ' So , calmly I walked away from it . " Mattheis backed inside the farmhouse . " My dad was inside the house , " he said . " I told him , ' we have a visitor , ' and he said , ' Who ? ' I said , ' a Bigfoot . ' " They looked out the window , but what Mattheis had seen was gone . It would be back . A few months later , Mattheis ' mother saw something strange , and telephoned him . " She said , ' well the other night the dog was barking out by the fence and I went out to see what it was barking at and this large black shadow stood up and walked off into the woods , ' " Mattheis said . " Now my mom says the dogs are afraid to go outside at night . " Mattheis went to the spot the next day and found large footprints in the grass . The heel of the foot had pressed deeper than the rest , the curve of the arch almost invisible . " I have photos of the tracks , " he said . " Not great photos , but its big feet . Should have made casts of thPosted by Have you ever heard your name spoken in an empty house ? Or a loved one calling to you from another room , only to find no one is in that room - at least no one you can see ? Ryan Straub wants to talk with you . Straub , founder of the Missouri paranormal group Tir Firnath ( which means , " to observe the dead " in Tolkien elvish . ) , is researching these talking spirits for an upcoming book - and he 's no stranger to spirits that take notice of the living . When a car accident injured a then 16 - year - old Straub , it awoke something in him that had , until that point , lain dormant . " I was hurt really bad , " Straub , now 25 , said . " Then I started seeing things , even that night . Spirits . " As he saw more and more people - dead people - no one around him could see , he set out to find out what he was experiencing . " That 's what 's sparked my interested in the paranormal , " he said . " I 've dedicated my life to it . Since then I 've been indulging myself in research . " Straub 's group has investigated spots in Idaho , Illinois , Missouri and Oklahoma , and specializes in hauntings . Straub hopes the research for his book will help others who have experienced these talking spirits . Straub is looking for the following encounters : - Calls by name : the spirit or ghost calls out the name of the intended victim . - Calls for help or assistance : the spirit or ghost claims to need some kind of aid . - Lured by unnatural sensory phenomenon : the ghost or spirit tries to draw victims to them through unnatural means in unlikely places ; for example , appearing as a beautiful woman , making noise that attracts people , like playing , screaming or screeching , or smells like cooking or perfume . - Mimics , impersonates or recreates : the ghost or spirit mimics your voice , impersonates loved ones , recreates conversations , or appears as you or someone you know . - Calls by control : hypnosis or possession . - Lures by irrational response : the ghost or spirit causes fear , anger , or an anxiety to make you want to lash out . Had any of these encounters ? Posted by The thing in five - year - old Dan Mitchell 's bedroom in southeastern Wisconsin only came at night . As Mitchell lie in bed , his parents far down the hall , a thin , androgynous creature would appear and tell him stories . It looked almost frightened . " I would tell my mom about this and she always thought it was just my imagination getting the best of me , " Mitchell , now 33 , said . But he knew it was real , and it looked " like a harlequin . " " Its clothes were absolutely motley and strange , " Mitchell said . " Its face looked like it was in a perpetual state of shock . " Large , wide - open eyes - too large to be human eyes - stared at Mitchell through the gray of night as words spilled through its always open , round mouth . " This being referred to itself as the ' tooth fairy ' when I had asked , " Mitchell said . " For whatever reason I was never afraid of it , and I can not remember anything it may have told me . " It did , however , appear to try and comfort the boy if he began to look afraid . " It always attempted to be funny and almost clown - like so that I wouldn 't shudder in terror , " Mitchell said . " Was this some sort of imaginary friend I had created ? I wasn 't that kind of kid . " Mitchell 's family never saw this " Harlequin , " nor did they believe him . " I know this sounds crazy , but I assure you that I remember this high strangeness almost as well as I remember the normal events of my childhood , " he said . Like one night in the spring of 1981 when the Mitchell family sat down for dinner . " I remember that my dad was very agitated , " Mitchell said . " He kept saying that he was hearing somebody walking around upstairs . I was terrified by this because my Dad was so agitated and I had never seen him scared like that . He was a very tough guy . " Then Mitchell 's father shot up from the dinner table , terror splashed across his face . " Immediately there was a voice that he heard coming from upstairs , " Mitchell said . " While I want to say that it sounded like a sinister and terrifying laugh , I believePosted by The young man lived in a rental house a few doors from the home where H . W . * grew up in southern Brazil . A few years later , the young man moved out , a husband and wife moved in . Although these people didn 't , and don 't , know one another , they had something in common - they knew something dark often walked the halls of that house . " The male was a young lawyer starting out , while the female was an architect / homemaker , " H . W . said . " They both knocked on my mother 's door a bit distraught . " There were years between the knocks - one in the mid - 1990s , the other in early 2000 , but the people behind the knocks told the same story . " They described how a dark shadow wearing a fedora hat would frequently walk by them and disappear through the walls , " H . W . said . " Both residents described the black Shadow figure as being in the shape of an old man . " This Shadow figure , a paranormal entity called the Hat Man , is usually an ominous figure . People often report feeling the entity is somehow feeding from their fear . However , H . W . doesn 't think this Hat Man was threatening . " As far as I know , the Hat Man wasn 't a menace to them , " H . W . said . " He would just walk by and go right through the walls , in a silent manner , without ever acknowledging their presence . " The witnesses came to H . W . 's mother 's door , he feels , because she was the oldest person living on the street . As such , she knew the person who built the house . The man , who died in the late 1950s , often wore a fedora , although that style was common in Brazil at the time . " It was customary for Brazilians to wear those hats up to mid - ' 60s , as their style was highly influenced by Hollywood , " H . W . said . " My late father used to wear those hats as any young professional . " These shadowy , fedora - wearing figures have been reported worldwide , from North America to Europe , South Africa and Australia . Although Hollywood 's images are far - reaching , the presence of this entity on multiple continents has H . W . curious . " It 's an intriguing story indeed , Posted by The children looked out of place in the night . Craig Besand walked down the street toward his flat in Norwich , England , when two figures approached him . " They appeared to be young boys , " Besand said . " One was about 13 years old , the other one was about nine . " At the time Besand , a Missourian , was studying abroad at the University of East Anglia in Norwich . " I ( 'd been ) at a friend 's house having a few drinks until the late hours , " he said . " My friend asked me if I was all right to walk back to my flat and if I wanted I could crash on his couch . I told him I would be all right , I just wanted to get home and go to bed . It was after 1 in the morning . " Between Besand 's flat and his friend 's flat was a cemetery - that 's where he saw the children . " My friend lives up the street from a very old cemetery on Dereham Road , " Besand said . " I walk past this cemetery every time I go to his house . " He 'd made it a few blocks when he saw two figures approach him . " They were both wearing hoodies , sneakers ; typical kid stuff , " Besand said . " The older one said that they were trying to find the graveyard and that they were lost . " Then the boy asked Besand , " could you please take us there ? " The age of the children and the late night struck Besand as strange . " I figured it was odd that young kids were hanging out in graveyards at this time of night , " he said . " But kids are into whatever so I agreed to take them there . They asked me very politely and the cemetery was on my way home anyway . " As Besand escorted the boys toward the cemetery , he looked at them closer . The oldest boy 's hair was jet black , " his skin was porcelain white and veiny . " Then Besand saw the eyes . " They both had eyes that were as dark as coal , no sign of white , " Besand said . " The eyes were the most distinct features , it was like they had no souls or nothing inside of them . " He asked these Black - Eyed Children where they lived . They named a nearby street . " I thought that was strange because this cemetery is hPosted by On a quiet country road west of Freeman , Mo . , past railroad tracks and between two hills , almost throwing distance from the Kansas state line , sits a flat spot in the gravel . Some locals , like Kylie Guier of Freeman , claim that if you stop on that spot and put your vehicle in neutral , the car will start moving , sometimes up to 25 miles per hour . People say gravity doesn 't work there . " Everybody calls it Gravity Hill , " Guier said . " It 's out on this gravel road in the middle of nowhere . I don 't know anyone who 's an expert on it . Everyone just knows it 's there . " Guier 's been to Gravity Hill a number of times , as have most area people she knows , and , " I 've never known anybody it hasn 't worked for . " It didn 't work for Jake Koehn of nearby Adrian , Mo . " ( My friends and I ) went there around 6 p . m . during the summer , so plenty of daylight , " he said . " We parked at the bottom of the hill , put the truck in neutral and did not see much for a result . After about 10 minutes , we gave up on it and left . " He may have given up too soon . Urban legend has it if you sprinkle flour or gravel dust on the trunk of the car , drivers will later find child - sized handprints in the dust . I 'm so there . I pulled my minivan onto 299th Street ( much too gravelly and rural to be called a street ) from Route D in Cass County on a clear September afternoon . Sure I was in a minivan , not the Mystery Machine , but I think a minivan 's what the Scooby gang drove when they grew up . The lane leading to Gravity Hill is surrounded by wavy pastureland , the occasional pond and patches of sunflowers breaking the swaths of green . Over the railroad tracks and up two hills - according to many listings on the Internet - you 're supposed to drive to the end of the lane , turn around and come to rest at the bottom . Then the magic happens . Many people who 've been to Gravity Hill claim the moving car phenomenon is an optical illusion and , as I parked the minivan at a spot between hills that looked flat , I found it wasn 't . The level I Posted by The quiet , hidden cemetery in Chariton County , Mo . , sits at the end of a slice of gravel snaking into hills . A dark roof of trees turns the long stretch of rocks and dirt into a leafy tunnel . Ryan Straub , founder of the Missouri - based ghost hunting group Tir Firnath , has often visited the cemetery and experienced strange things . However , nothing has disturbed him as much as what he and fellow Tir Firnath member Mike Haurcade saw standing on that gravel road . " Mike and I we were leaving one day , " Straub said . " As we were leaving , we were in the middle of the hills and we saw a very large dog in the road . It stood up on its hind legs and left the road . " Straub and Haurcade froze as the beast walked on two legs into the thick trees . Werewolves , in various forms , have existed in many cultures across the world . From the Medieval European werewolf that dominates horror movies , to American Indian skinwalkers , the image of a man changing into a beast has terrified people for centuries . But , sitting safely in a cozy house , watching television , the werewolf stalking the night is nothing but legend . " It was chasing after us , " Davis said . " It was running along the wall toward me and I just turned and ran , I didn 't think to look back . " The teens never saw the thing again , although something about the encounter still confuses Davis . " It was in the middle of town , " he said . " That 's what always gets me about that thing . Not out in the woods or at a secluded cabin , but in Tempe , Ariz . " " I call it ' manlike , ' because of its size and hands , " Williams said . " They looked like human hands except for the fingers were really long , clawed and covered in fur . Richard thought it was a werewolf or something . " Got a scary story ? Ever played with a Ouija board , heard voices , seen a ghost , UFO or a creature you couldn 't identify ? Let Jason know about it : Jason Offutt , P . O . Box 501 , Maryville , Mo . , 64468 , or jasonoffutt @ hotmail . com . Your story might make an upcoming installment of " From the Shadows . " Author 's note : This is the second of a two - part series about the Torres family who , after moving into their new home , discovered something was already there . Pouring through the stacks of memories her home 's previous occupants left behind , Sammy Torres unmasked the spirit of a young Hispanic girl that sits on her son 's bed . " One day as I was looking through the photo albums left by the previous owners I saw a newspaper clipping about a car accident , " she said . " It told about a Hispanic family who had been in an accident in which the father and the 12 - year - old daughter had been killed . " A memorial card , Torres presumed had been passed out at a funeral , showed a picture of the girl with long braided hair . " There were also several pictures of her at different times in her life , " she said . " There were school pictures , pictures from birthday parties and Christmas and pictures of a laughing young girl splashing in a swimming pool and many family photos . " It was the same girl she had seen that first day in the home , and the same girl who sat on her son 's bed . And , she later found , the spirit of the little girl wasn 't alone . " Recently , I was awakened by the feeling of someone staring at me and when I opened my eyes there standing beside the bed was an old woman , " Sammy said . " She was wearing a dress that looked like it was from the late 1800s to the early 1900s . " The dress was long and black with a high collar and puffy sleeves . The top of the dress had buttons on the front and the apparition wore a cameo brooch at the throat of her dress . It 's hair was gray and pulled into a bun . " She looked very stern , " Sammy said . " I lay there looking at her for a few seconds and then she was gone . She just disappeared . We have seen her several times since then and always in the bedroom . And we always smell stale cigarette smoke right before she appears . " But the apparitions don 't appear singularly . Sammy has at least felt them both in the room at the same time . Sammy was lying in bed one day when tPosted by Author 's note : This is the first of a two - part series about the Torres family who , after moving into their new home , discovered something was already there . When Sammy Torres and her family moved into the mobile home in 2004 , they knew something was wrong . The former tenants had left in a hurry . " The people who had owned it before had just up and left without taking any of their belongings , " she said . " They left their furniture , their appliances , photo albums with baby pictures and other family photos . They didn 't even take their clothes . I have tried to find anyone who may have known the people that lived here before to see if anyone knew anything about them or the reason they fled as they did . " Neighbors don 't seem to know . Unpacking boxes the first night Torres ' family stayed in the home , Sammy saw something she couldn 't explain . " I was sitting on the floor in front of the television unpacking a box of DVDs and videos and putting them away , " she said . " The television was off and I saw on the blank screen a young girl with very long braided hair walk behind me from the direction of the bedroom towards the kitchen . " Thinking it was her youngest daughter going into the kitchen , she kept unpacking the box - then she realized the girl never left the kitchen . She looked in the kitchen ; no one was there . " I got up from the floor and went to check on my daughter but when I poked my head inside her bedroom she was fast asleep , " Sammy said . " I thought maybe I had been so engrossed in what I was doing that I didn 't see her go back by . " Then , day after day , strange things began to work their way into the Torres family 's life and Sammy began to realize it hadn 't been her daughter she 'd seen in the television screen that first day - something was in her house . " Things began to happen pretty regular , " Sammy said . The cabinet under the bathroom sink randomly opened and slammed shut when no one was around , Sammy heard footsteps in the hallway when no one else was home , and everyone hearPosted by The house in Ducor , Calif . , seemed perfect . Four bedrooms , two bathrooms and enough acreage for Tammy 's horses , cats and dogs . It was also near family . " In 1996 , my three daughters and I moved here from Texas , " she said . " My husband had passed away recently and we needed to be near family . " And the rent , Tammy had found anywhere from $ 600 to $ 1 , 500 a month for something of that size , was only $ 350 in Ducor . " I couldn 't believe my good luck , " she said . But she soon found the reason the rent was so cheap - it was haunted . " One of the first things we noticed was the wallpaper in the bedrooms , " she said . " One of the rooms had wallpaper that made it look like a padded cell . It literally looked like it had mattresses stuck around the room . The next room had barbed wire wallpaper around it , but the best was yet to come . " The ceiling in the master bedroom was black , surrounded by dark purple walls . Tammy later wondered if the house had decided the decor for the former occupants . The first night in the house seemed quiet , but Tammy 's middle daughter sent terror through Tammy over breakfast . " ( She ) told me that she had seen the shadow of a man kind of float past her bedroom window , " Tammy said . " I thought she meant outside the window but she said that , ' no , he was in her room . ' " Tammy hired men to install alarms around the house and yard the same day . But that night , when something invaded the rooms of Tammy and her daughter , the alarms didn 't go off . " I woke up feeling as though something or someone had sat down on the edge of my bed , " she said . " But when I opened my eyes no one was there so I thought I was dreaming . " Then the water faucet in the kitchen came on . " I went to see if one of the kids was up getting a drink of water but no one was there , " she said . " As I started to walk out of the kitchen to go back to bed the door to the fridge flew open . " Although she couldn 't explain what happened , Tammy went back to bed . " The next morning my daughter again told me about tPosted by As 12 - year - old Chris Wham and his family watched construction workers build their home in St . Charles , Mo . , subdivision , everything looked fine . It was 1979 . By 1980 , Wham wasn 't so sure . " In the summer of 1979 , my family moved into its first new house , " Wham said . " Not just a new house to us , but a brand new house . In the months before the house was completed , my step - father would drive us out to it and we would watch the men work on it . " The land was once an apple orchard and sat almost empty as the house went up . " Our house was one of the first few completed on the street , " Wham said . " So I spent much of the year watching the other houses getting built and making new friends whenever kids would move in . " A year went by and Wham 's family had comfortably settled in the house . " It was towards end of summer 1980 , school had just started the week before , and I was already playing hooky , " he said . " I just didn 't want to go to school that day , so I faked a stomach ache so I could stay home . " Wham stayed in his room until his mother had to go on an errand . " Near 12 noon , my mother asked me to keep an eye on my baby brother while she ran to the store for more diapers , " he said . The round trip to the store , Wham figured , might take 15 minutes , and his little brother was sleeping , so he had time to play . " I told her I would . I 'd do anything to get her out of the house , so I could turn off her horrible soap operas , " he said . " As soon as she left I hopped into the big brown La - Z - Boy recliner that was parked in front of the TV and changed over to Channel 11 . It was now exactly noon and Green Acres was just coming on . " As he sat there , the sound of the program drifting through the living room , Wham knew he wasn 't alone . " No sooner had the theme song ended did I hear , and feel , a rapping over my left shoulder on the back of the big La - Z - Boy , " he said . " A soft thumpity thump , thumpity thump , thumpity thump . The same type of sound an impatient person might create with his fingers on a dPosted by Cool air poured through the open windows of the car as Lisa Becker and her husband pulled through their suburban Chicago neighborhood of Oak Brook one night in 1996 . Nature painted the dusk pink , orange and red , but something dark suddenly smeared the canvas . " As we approached our subdivision , we saw a large blackness in the air , " Becker said . " It was about eight feet in diameter , about 100 feet away from us , and about 30 feet in the air . It was moving in a straight line . " Her husband also saw the black figure . " It had no specific shape and its edges undulated , " she said . " As it flew closer we pulled over to watch it . It was so low that you could have hit it with a rock . " When they noticed the object , the Beckers later named the " pterodactyl , " it slowly and noiselessly crept through the sky from east to west about 50 yards from the back of their house . " It moved in a perfectly straight line as if it were on a tightrope , " she said . The couple watched the object as it sailed about 10 feet past them , 30 feet in the air , and folded in upon itself , disappearing . " It was not a vehicle , " Becker said . " The best way to describe it would be to say it looked like a very large flat stingray ( with ) no tail . It moved in a perfectly straight line , and never varied from its path . " This left the college - educated Beckers wondering what they saw . " My husband thought it was strange , but didn 't have any particular emotional response to the thing , " Becker said . " Also it didn 't seem to have any sort of depth to it . It was like looking into a very dark spot that could have blotted out anything behind it . It didn 't have any wind or exhaust in its trail . Our best thought , though entirely illogical , was that it was a rip in the space - time continuum . " Whatever the black , undulating " pterodactyl " was flying over their house , the memory has stayed with the Beckers for 13 years . " I asked myself at the time , ' how did the object make me feel ? ' " she said . " It wasn 't pleasant , maybe even slighPosted by Photo courtesy of Kim Luney of Southwest Ghost Finders from Springfield , Mo . Arcadia Valley Academy 's red brick buildings aren 't original to the campus , but they 've still been there a long time . The academy , in Ironton , Mo . , opened in 1846 as a Methodist high school and served as a Union military hospital during the Civil War . However , it is best known from its later incarnation as a Catholic girls school that ran from 1877 to 1971 . It also served as a convent for nuns of the Ursaline Order until 1985 . It has most recently been a bed and breakfast and antique mall . Most of the buildings , such as the Administration building , the Auditorium , and the Gymnasium , were built between 1907 and 1934 , and something unknown lurks in these buildings of the old Academy . Belinda Clark - Ache , founder / owner of the paranormal investigation group Haunted Missouri Paranormal Studies , heard stories of a haunting at the 200 - room academy and conducted a thorough investigation there . " We were there every month , April through October , " she said . " I used to just go up by myself and rent a room for the night . All the potential ; all the earmarks for a haunting were there . " Such as a disembodied girl 's voice that said " Lucy , " and the presence of orbs . Although orbs , small balls of light captured by digital photography , are sketchy evidence at best - they can often be explained as dust particles , insects or moisture in the air - some are more convincing . Clark - Ache 's group captured many orbs on video that were a mystery to them . " We got some interesting moving orbs , " she said . " I 'm not an orb person , but we have hours of video from the third floor hallway . One winter evening we had moving orbs up and down the hallway . We could never explain them away to our satisfaction . " Although Clark - Ache 's group found some cursory evidence the Academy is haunted , they weren 't entirely convinced . " I did an experiment the first few months . I would take ( groups of visitors ) on a walking tour of the place , " Clark - Ache said . Posted by The young couple sat across from each other as their hands joined on the planchette of a Ouija board . Tim Hess began using the board after his girlfriend moved into his Pennsylvania apartment , not realizing what it would invite . " We had been doing this almost every evening for about a month and had been talking to an entity that claimed to be a man who died at about the same age I was , " he said . " He claimed to have died in an accident . . . apparently he was working on this vehicle and it fell on him , crushing him . " Although nothing bad had happened to Hess and his girlfriend while using the Ouija board , they were still cautious . " We always used it together because we heard you should never use one alone , " he said . But one night , when Hess sat in a bar up the hill from his apartment , his girlfriend , who wasn 't yet 21 , broke the rule . " As I was walking home one evening I found a bottle jack lying along side the road and decided to take it home because I work on cars a lot , " he said . " When I walked in the door with the jack in my hand my girlfriend 's face turned white as a ghost and she was screaming at me telling me I had to get rid of the jack . " After she calmed down , she told him why . " She had been using the Ouija board while I was out , " Hess said . " She told me she had been trying to talk to our friend but he wouldn 't say anything except ' Tim ' and ' No Jack ' over and over for about 15 minutes . " Finally , after numerous requests , the board spelled out that Hess would find a jack walking home from a bar June 14 . That night was June 14 . But it 's what the entity then claimed that threw the girl into hysterics . " ( The entity said ) I would use the jack and a car would fall on me killing me , " he said . " I told her not to worry because nothing was going to happen to me . " She pleaded with him to get rid of the jack , but he refused ; it was in good condition . " I took the jack down to the basement and tried to forget what happened , " he said . " But every time I saw that jack I got a vePosted by For centuries , Shadow People - darker than night , human - shaped entities - have stalked the lives of people across the globe . But they 're becoming more common . Are encounters with these two - dimensional , looming figures on the rise , or are more people willing to talk about their experiences because they know they 're not alone ? It knockedTK first saw the Shadow Man standing in the doorway of his parents ' house . " I was laying in my bed trying to fall asleep , " TK said . " Out of nowhere a big Shadow figure , about 6 - foot , 6 - inches tall , walked in . " TK wondered about his sanity - but it was too real . " The figure began to lean into the bed and stare at me , it would then lean back and look out the window , " TK said . " It went back and forth doing this for maybe a minute or two . " Then fear draped TK . " I wasn 't sure if it was an actual person or possibly a ghost , " he said . " From a spur - of - the - moment decision I leaned forward and kicked at the figure while kind of yelling . I kicked right through it . " His parents ran into the room seconds later , and nothing was there . " I was very creeped out but I pretty much convinced myself that my mind had played a trick on me , " he said . " I soon moved out … for college and never encountered anything like it again until I came back and stayed in the same room . " At about 12 : 30 a . m . , a knocking at his door roused him from sleep . " I was sleeping on my side facing away from the door , " he said . " When I woke up to the sound , I turn around to look at the door and right next to my bed was the same Shadowy figure . " TK is convinced it was the same entity he 'd seen before . " When I saw it , it completely scared the ( crap ) out of me , " he said . " I thought for sure it was a person . I am thankful to find so many people who experienced the same Shadow People as I did . I felt a little crazy . " Red eyes in the nightJayna was four the night her eight - year - old sister saw the Shadow Man . " One night she was awake as our parents came up the stairs and she listened toPosted by " Kim Mason has edited four of my non - fiction books and the sales of all four have far exceeded my expectations . She made my best better . " - Jason Offutt All little Diane Garder wanted to do was play . As she stood in her aunt 's yard one afternoon , she noticed someone standing nearby . " When I . . . The night of terror began with a few drinks . " It was just another night out with our group of friends , " Toni said . " We had all been drinki . . . Author 's note : This is a story about a man 's encounter with Black - Eyed Kids . " Noetic " is not his name ; he asked for anonymity . Although N . . . Jason Offutt is a syndicated columnist , author , college journalism instructor , and fan of all things strange . His books include the novel , " A Funeral Story , " the parody survival book , " How to Kill Monsters Using Common Household Items , " the humorous travelogue , " Across a Corn - Swept Land , " and four books about the paranormal , " Paranormal Missouri : Show Me Your Monsters , " " What Lurks Beyond : The Paranormal In Your Backyard , " " Darkness Walks : The Shadow People Among Us , " and " Haunted Missouri : A Ghostly Guide to Missouri 's Most Spirited Spots . " All are available at www . amazon . com . |
The paranormal is often intimidating , confusing , terrifying . But strange knocks , dark entities and growls in the night aren 't always bad . The following are two stories of welcomed bumps in the night . A mother 's touchJo Ann Miller , Texas , visited her family in Independence , Mo . , in fall 2009 . She went to the cemetery where her parents are buried , and drove by the house she grew up in , the house where her mother lived for 60 years . Later , at a party , Miller watched a family DVD with pictures of her mother , father and baby pictures of her son , who died in 1995 . " After we came back to Texas I was talking on the phone to someone about how nice it was to see those old pictures and how good my mother looked , how good my son looked , and also how nice it was to see a photo of my brother - in - law , " she said . " None of them are living . " About 30 minutes later , Miller knew she was not alone in her house . " I felt a hand resting on my right shoulder , " she said . " Such a light touch . It was almost like it wasn 't touching me , but it was . " No one was there . She looked for other explanations , such as a breeze from the ceiling fan , but the fan wasn 't on . " There was no explanation , " she said . " It was just a nice feeling to have that invisible hand touching my shoulder . " She believed the touch was from her mother . The next morning she was sure of it . " I woke up in bed , rolled over , and happened to see the digital clock in our bedroom , " she said . " It had the numbers flashing that were my mother 's home address numbers exactly . I believe now that it was my mother - or an angel sent by my mother - that touched me . It isn 't something I would want to happen very often , that 's for sure . But it was a comforting presence . " The Ghost Watches Over UsWhen Krissy Mathers and her significant other moved into their Texas apartment in 2007 they knew they were not alone . " This wasn 't the first time that my partner and I had ghostly roommates , " she said . " In our previous apartments there were specters . I feJason Offutt All little Diane Garder wanted to do was play . As she stood in her aunt 's yard one afternoon , she noticed someone standing nearby . " When I was three years old I saw a shadow person , " Garder said . " It looked curiously at me as I played in the backyard of my aunt 's home . " Alone in the yard - her family was inside - she approached the shadowy figure ; it didn 't like that . " The entity looked at me and when I acknowledged it , it seemed to have feared me , " Garder said . " I chased it and said , ' Wait wait . It 's OK . Who are you ? Do you want to play ? ' As a little child I did not know yet enough that I should have been scared . " She chased this figure until it ran between two trees , through a fence and vanished . " Was this entity from a different dimension or a ghost ? " she said . " My mother had an abortion a few years before I was born and the shadow looked like it would have been the age of the older sibling if it had lived on this planet and not had been terminated during my mom 's pregnancy . Could it have been my dead brother or sister ? Till this day at the age of 26 I am in utter amazement and awe of such a being . " Children see more than adults . Invisible friends , ghosts , little people . Children often startle their parents by discussing encounters with someone whose description is similar to a grandparent the child has never met . Is it imagination , or can children tap into a part of the world adults can no longer see ? Bill Bryant was one of those children . " I saw the Hat Man when I was a kid , " he said . " My brother and I shared the same room . Maybe 30 years later I was talking to my brother about it at my mom 's house . He said he saw the same thing . " The Hat Man is an often - seen type of shadow person that wears , of all things , a fedora . " Last fall my sister was telling my mom of seeing the Hat Man , " Bryant said . " ( Mom ) remembered my story and described him to my sister before she could describe him . " Is the ability to see the paranormal something we outgrow ? Or do children experiJason Offutt The run - down apartment in Brisbane , Australia , always felt wrong to Kayla Griffiths . " Numerous friends who would visit would sometimes have to leave certain rooms or sometimes the entire apartment because of these energies , " Griffiths said . Strangeness began the first week she lived there - the apartment spoke to her and her flatmate . The voice told Griffiths to get out of bed . " Me and my original flatmate experienced a voice speaking to each of us , " Griffiths said . " To me it sounded like her , to her it sounded like me . " Griffiths walked into her flatmate 's room and found her still in bed . Neither of them had spoken . " Her face dropped , " Griffiths said . " We both knew something weird had happened but had brushed it off . " The strangeness continued , slowly at first . " Things began disappearing then showing up in places we would clearly see it , " she said . " Once I walked past the fridge and a bottle off the top of the fridge flung to the ground and smashed on the floor in front of my legs ; enough to have little cuts on my legs , but nothing serous . " The negative feeling increased slowly , too . The feeling grew stronger the longer Griffiths lived in the apartment . Hatred , anger , self - loathing . " The rage and anger we felt started off with little arguments and annoyance over small things , which we palmed off as stress , " Griffiths said . " And slowly things started getting more angry . It felt like there were constant tensions in the house . " Griffiths ' flatmate - also her best friend - became so angry she moved out . " We ended up not speaking anymore , " Griffiths said . " I had thoughts that were completely paranoid about her , thinking she was doing things to hurt me . " Then Griffiths ' boyfriend , a devout Roman Catholic , moved in , and the negative feeling in the apartment grew worse . " The anger then seemed to heighten between me and my boyfriend , starting off with big yelling matches , then throwing things , then pushing , " she said . " It became more and more violent where I would feel asJason Offutt Something was wrong with the house . Angie Kelly of New Cumberland , Pa . , and her family moved into the large Foursquare that sat over a large series of caves in the 1990s . " There was a hole in the back yard that lead down to the caves , " Kelly said . " We kept a board over the opening so kids and dogs wouldn 't fall in . " But the Kelly family had more to worry about than cave openings . " Being in the basement doing laundry , I never felt like I was completely alone , " Kelly said . " It was a strange feeling , like someone was watching me . " Whatever was watching Kelly may have been watching her toddler , too . " My son , Ryan , was also exhibiting very strange behavior , " Kelly said . Ryan began slamming himself against the safety rails on his bed and tried to throw himself through the house 's large front window . " At one point ( he ) attempted to throw himself down the stairs , " she said . " This was a frightening thought . " Then things started happening in Ryan 's room . " A horrible odor filled my son 's room , and just his room , " Kelly said . " Before too long , his room was overrun with flies . They were all over the windows , ala ' Amityville Horror . ' " Kelly couldn 't get rid of the smell or the flies . " They seemed to have no desire to leave his room , " she said . " The odor seemed to emanate from his closet and I had to remove his clothes so they wouldn 't stink . " Finally , Kelly turned to religion . " We never did figure out what the smell and the flies were all about , but after hanging a cross in his room , the smell left and the flies disappeared , " Kelly said . The Kellys finally moved away from whatever lurked in that house . " The house also got hit by lightning while I was living there , " Kelly said . " It was a very weird year that I lived there , just one strange thing after another . It was kind of a relief to move out . The entire experience in that house was very bizarre . " But whatever was in the house may have followed them . " In the mid - 1990s , I lived in a rented duplex , " she said . " It waPosted by Leanne Smith couldn 't explain her panic . Smith carpooled to work in Deale , Md . , in 1999 when one night her driver stopped at a small grocery store , leaving Smith in the pickup alone . " We parked at the edge of the parking lot with the store entrance and lot behind us , " Smith said . " We had worked late and it was well after dusk . " Smith relaxed as she sat in the truck , watching cars going through the intersection , waiting for the driver to come back . " I make note of my emotions because in this peaceful , relaxed state , I was hit with an unbelievably strong sense of fear or danger , " she said . " There was no rational explanation for this intense fear and I was able to be objective . It was really strange to me , feeling this fear all of a sudden . " Realizing she was slipping into a panic attack , Smith tried to figure out what might have triggered this immediate overwhelming terror . " The fear or sense of danger didn 't increase or become more intense , " Smith said . " The ( initial ) intensity was extraordinary . " Then she noticed a possible trigger for her fear ; a group of about 10 young men who were " roughhousing " in the parking lot behind her . Smith leaned closer to the passenger side mirror to watch them . " A couple of them sounded drunk and it sounded as though it was possible a fight might be brewing , " she said . " I went to move the rear - view mirror to get a better view and saw something out of the corner of my eye . " From the passenger seat , Smith slowly looked to her left , and found the cause for her terror . " I looked over at the driver 's window and there , facing me , was a woman looking in at me , " she said . " Not just glancing in , she had her shoulders square to the driver 's door of the pickup , standing about a foot and a half away from the window , which was closed . " The appearance of the woman rammed the intense fear deeper into Smith . " My heart shot to my throat and I couldn 't move , " she said . " I just looked at her and she at me . " Although the harsh shadows cast by the yellowPosted by Author 's note : This is the second of a two - part story of Bigfoot encounters in Southeast Missouri . Ken Mattheis had a flat tire . He and his cousin Jim had ridden their bicycles into Leasburg , a rural Southeast Missouri town , and now couldn 't get home - so they called Grandpa . " My grandpa was in his 90s and he drove really slow , " Mattheis said . As his grandfather puttered down Route H , Mattheis and his cousin , sitting in the bed of the pickup , saw a man walking in a field . " I saw what looked like a large man in a light brown winter coat in coveralls with a hood up walking in a field , " he said . " It was all light brown , the hair , face and hands was like the color of hay . " The man was large and swung his arms like a cross - country skier . " We got closer and I realized it was a Bigfoot , " Mattheis said . " The hair on top of the head was long and it went straight up and looked really strange like a Conehead . " The boys sat in the truck , staring at the Bigfoot as their grandfather motored by . The thing never looked at the truck . It just kept walking until it reached the woods . The boys didn 't say anything to their grandfather , who didn 't see the brown man walking in the field . Mattheis had a more personal experience a few years later . " I had a truck and was with several of my cousins and his friends and we had nothing to do so I decided to go drive them into the woods that night and go listen for the panther screams , " he said . " We drove into the woods and parked , and I think four or five kids were in back of this truck . " After a few minutes of silence , the teens heard something large walking toward them through the woods . " We could hear something large in the woods coming towards us breaking limbs and breathing really loud in and out as if it had breathing problems , " he said . " The kids freaked and wanted to leave , but I said , ' no , lets see what 's coming . ' I 'd like to know what the hell is making all that noise . " The breathing thing circled the truck , breaking tree limbs and throwing Posted by Author 's note : This is the first of a two - part story of Bigfoot encounters in Southeast Missouri . Darkness engulfed the Southeast Missouri farmhouse , the air still in the January night . Ken Mattheis knelt behind his parent 's house working , meager light illuminating a generator , the only sign of electricity for miles . " A few years ago the power went at my parents farm house and I went out to help them set up a generator for the first time , " he said . He 'd left a tool in the van , so he walked into the darkness to retrieve it . " It was a cold , pitch black night , " he said . " I heard footsteps on the ice - covered grass . " He thought it was his father outside with him , but when a tree branch snap , he knew it wasn 't his father . " I heard crunch , crunch , then limbs started breaking and falling , " he said . " I turned to see what was causing the limbs to break and saw this large black shadow standing up under a tree behind me . " The figure knocked down more limbs , then stopped . " It stood still as if it was waiting for me to do something , " he said . " I thought , ' crap , you 're not my dad . ' So , calmly I walked away from it . " Mattheis backed inside the farmhouse . " My dad was inside the house , " he said . " I told him , ' we have a visitor , ' and he said , ' Who ? ' I said , ' a Bigfoot . ' " They looked out the window , but what Mattheis had seen was gone . It would be back . A few months later , Mattheis ' mother saw something strange , and telephoned him . " She said , ' well the other night the dog was barking out by the fence and I went out to see what it was barking at and this large black shadow stood up and walked off into the woods , ' " Mattheis said . " Now my mom says the dogs are afraid to go outside at night . " Mattheis went to the spot the next day and found large footprints in the grass . The heel of the foot had pressed deeper than the rest , the curve of the arch almost invisible . " I have photos of the tracks , " he said . " Not great photos , but its big feet . Should have made casts of thPosted by Have you ever heard your name spoken in an empty house ? Or a loved one calling to you from another room , only to find no one is in that room - at least no one you can see ? Ryan Straub wants to talk with you . Straub , founder of the Missouri paranormal group Tir Firnath ( which means , " to observe the dead " in Tolkien elvish . ) , is researching these talking spirits for an upcoming book - and he 's no stranger to spirits that take notice of the living . When a car accident injured a then 16 - year - old Straub , it awoke something in him that had , until that point , lain dormant . " I was hurt really bad , " Straub , now 25 , said . " Then I started seeing things , even that night . Spirits . " As he saw more and more people - dead people - no one around him could see , he set out to find out what he was experiencing . " That 's what 's sparked my interested in the paranormal , " he said . " I 've dedicated my life to it . Since then I 've been indulging myself in research . " Straub 's group has investigated spots in Idaho , Illinois , Missouri and Oklahoma , and specializes in hauntings . Straub hopes the research for his book will help others who have experienced these talking spirits . Straub is looking for the following encounters : - Calls by name : the spirit or ghost calls out the name of the intended victim . - Calls for help or assistance : the spirit or ghost claims to need some kind of aid . - Lured by unnatural sensory phenomenon : the ghost or spirit tries to draw victims to them through unnatural means in unlikely places ; for example , appearing as a beautiful woman , making noise that attracts people , like playing , screaming or screeching , or smells like cooking or perfume . - Mimics , impersonates or recreates : the ghost or spirit mimics your voice , impersonates loved ones , recreates conversations , or appears as you or someone you know . - Calls by control : hypnosis or possession . - Lures by irrational response : the ghost or spirit causes fear , anger , or an anxiety to make you want to lash out . Had any of these encounters ? Posted by The thing in five - year - old Dan Mitchell 's bedroom in southeastern Wisconsin only came at night . As Mitchell lie in bed , his parents far down the hall , a thin , androgynous creature would appear and tell him stories . It looked almost frightened . " I would tell my mom about this and she always thought it was just my imagination getting the best of me , " Mitchell , now 33 , said . But he knew it was real , and it looked " like a harlequin . " " Its clothes were absolutely motley and strange , " Mitchell said . " Its face looked like it was in a perpetual state of shock . " Large , wide - open eyes - too large to be human eyes - stared at Mitchell through the gray of night as words spilled through its always open , round mouth . " This being referred to itself as the ' tooth fairy ' when I had asked , " Mitchell said . " For whatever reason I was never afraid of it , and I can not remember anything it may have told me . " It did , however , appear to try and comfort the boy if he began to look afraid . " It always attempted to be funny and almost clown - like so that I wouldn 't shudder in terror , " Mitchell said . " Was this some sort of imaginary friend I had created ? I wasn 't that kind of kid . " Mitchell 's family never saw this " Harlequin , " nor did they believe him . " I know this sounds crazy , but I assure you that I remember this high strangeness almost as well as I remember the normal events of my childhood , " he said . Like one night in the spring of 1981 when the Mitchell family sat down for dinner . " I remember that my dad was very agitated , " Mitchell said . " He kept saying that he was hearing somebody walking around upstairs . I was terrified by this because my Dad was so agitated and I had never seen him scared like that . He was a very tough guy . " Then Mitchell 's father shot up from the dinner table , terror splashed across his face . " Immediately there was a voice that he heard coming from upstairs , " Mitchell said . " While I want to say that it sounded like a sinister and terrifying laugh , I believePosted by The young man lived in a rental house a few doors from the home where H . W . * grew up in southern Brazil . A few years later , the young man moved out , a husband and wife moved in . Although these people didn 't , and don 't , know one another , they had something in common - they knew something dark often walked the halls of that house . " The male was a young lawyer starting out , while the female was an architect / homemaker , " H . W . said . " They both knocked on my mother 's door a bit distraught . " There were years between the knocks - one in the mid - 1990s , the other in early 2000 , but the people behind the knocks told the same story . " They described how a dark shadow wearing a fedora hat would frequently walk by them and disappear through the walls , " H . W . said . " Both residents described the black Shadow figure as being in the shape of an old man . " This Shadow figure , a paranormal entity called the Hat Man , is usually an ominous figure . People often report feeling the entity is somehow feeding from their fear . However , H . W . doesn 't think this Hat Man was threatening . " As far as I know , the Hat Man wasn 't a menace to them , " H . W . said . " He would just walk by and go right through the walls , in a silent manner , without ever acknowledging their presence . " The witnesses came to H . W . 's mother 's door , he feels , because she was the oldest person living on the street . As such , she knew the person who built the house . The man , who died in the late 1950s , often wore a fedora , although that style was common in Brazil at the time . " It was customary for Brazilians to wear those hats up to mid - ' 60s , as their style was highly influenced by Hollywood , " H . W . said . " My late father used to wear those hats as any young professional . " These shadowy , fedora - wearing figures have been reported worldwide , from North America to Europe , South Africa and Australia . Although Hollywood 's images are far - reaching , the presence of this entity on multiple continents has H . W . curious . " It 's an intriguing story indeed , Posted by The children looked out of place in the night . Craig Besand walked down the street toward his flat in Norwich , England , when two figures approached him . " They appeared to be young boys , " Besand said . " One was about 13 years old , the other one was about nine . " At the time Besand , a Missourian , was studying abroad at the University of East Anglia in Norwich . " I ( 'd been ) at a friend 's house having a few drinks until the late hours , " he said . " My friend asked me if I was all right to walk back to my flat and if I wanted I could crash on his couch . I told him I would be all right , I just wanted to get home and go to bed . It was after 1 in the morning . " Between Besand 's flat and his friend 's flat was a cemetery - that 's where he saw the children . " My friend lives up the street from a very old cemetery on Dereham Road , " Besand said . " I walk past this cemetery every time I go to his house . " He 'd made it a few blocks when he saw two figures approach him . " They were both wearing hoodies , sneakers ; typical kid stuff , " Besand said . " The older one said that they were trying to find the graveyard and that they were lost . " Then the boy asked Besand , " could you please take us there ? " The age of the children and the late night struck Besand as strange . " I figured it was odd that young kids were hanging out in graveyards at this time of night , " he said . " But kids are into whatever so I agreed to take them there . They asked me very politely and the cemetery was on my way home anyway . " As Besand escorted the boys toward the cemetery , he looked at them closer . The oldest boy 's hair was jet black , " his skin was porcelain white and veiny . " Then Besand saw the eyes . " They both had eyes that were as dark as coal , no sign of white , " Besand said . " The eyes were the most distinct features , it was like they had no souls or nothing inside of them . " He asked these Black - Eyed Children where they lived . They named a nearby street . " I thought that was strange because this cemetery is hPosted by On a quiet country road west of Freeman , Mo . , past railroad tracks and between two hills , almost throwing distance from the Kansas state line , sits a flat spot in the gravel . Some locals , like Kylie Guier of Freeman , claim that if you stop on that spot and put your vehicle in neutral , the car will start moving , sometimes up to 25 miles per hour . People say gravity doesn 't work there . " Everybody calls it Gravity Hill , " Guier said . " It 's out on this gravel road in the middle of nowhere . I don 't know anyone who 's an expert on it . Everyone just knows it 's there . " Guier 's been to Gravity Hill a number of times , as have most area people she knows , and , " I 've never known anybody it hasn 't worked for . " It didn 't work for Jake Koehn of nearby Adrian , Mo . " ( My friends and I ) went there around 6 p . m . during the summer , so plenty of daylight , " he said . " We parked at the bottom of the hill , put the truck in neutral and did not see much for a result . After about 10 minutes , we gave up on it and left . " He may have given up too soon . Urban legend has it if you sprinkle flour or gravel dust on the trunk of the car , drivers will later find child - sized handprints in the dust . I 'm so there . I pulled my minivan onto 299th Street ( much too gravelly and rural to be called a street ) from Route D in Cass County on a clear September afternoon . Sure I was in a minivan , not the Mystery Machine , but I think a minivan 's what the Scooby gang drove when they grew up . The lane leading to Gravity Hill is surrounded by wavy pastureland , the occasional pond and patches of sunflowers breaking the swaths of green . Over the railroad tracks and up two hills - according to many listings on the Internet - you 're supposed to drive to the end of the lane , turn around and come to rest at the bottom . Then the magic happens . Many people who 've been to Gravity Hill claim the moving car phenomenon is an optical illusion and , as I parked the minivan at a spot between hills that looked flat , I found it wasn 't . The level I Posted by The quiet , hidden cemetery in Chariton County , Mo . , sits at the end of a slice of gravel snaking into hills . A dark roof of trees turns the long stretch of rocks and dirt into a leafy tunnel . Ryan Straub , founder of the Missouri - based ghost hunting group Tir Firnath , has often visited the cemetery and experienced strange things . However , nothing has disturbed him as much as what he and fellow Tir Firnath member Mike Haurcade saw standing on that gravel road . " Mike and I we were leaving one day , " Straub said . " As we were leaving , we were in the middle of the hills and we saw a very large dog in the road . It stood up on its hind legs and left the road . " Straub and Haurcade froze as the beast walked on two legs into the thick trees . Werewolves , in various forms , have existed in many cultures across the world . From the Medieval European werewolf that dominates horror movies , to American Indian skinwalkers , the image of a man changing into a beast has terrified people for centuries . But , sitting safely in a cozy house , watching television , the werewolf stalking the night is nothing but legend . " It was chasing after us , " Davis said . " It was running along the wall toward me and I just turned and ran , I didn 't think to look back . " The teens never saw the thing again , although something about the encounter still confuses Davis . " It was in the middle of town , " he said . " That 's what always gets me about that thing . Not out in the woods or at a secluded cabin , but in Tempe , Ariz . " " I call it ' manlike , ' because of its size and hands , " Williams said . " They looked like human hands except for the fingers were really long , clawed and covered in fur . Richard thought it was a werewolf or something . " Got a scary story ? Ever played with a Ouija board , heard voices , seen a ghost , UFO or a creature you couldn 't identify ? Let Jason know about it : Jason Offutt , P . O . Box 501 , Maryville , Mo . , 64468 , or jasonoffutt @ hotmail . com . Your story might make an upcoming installment of " From the Shadows . " Author 's note : This is the second of a two - part series about the Torres family who , after moving into their new home , discovered something was already there . Pouring through the stacks of memories her home 's previous occupants left behind , Sammy Torres unmasked the spirit of a young Hispanic girl that sits on her son 's bed . " One day as I was looking through the photo albums left by the previous owners I saw a newspaper clipping about a car accident , " she said . " It told about a Hispanic family who had been in an accident in which the father and the 12 - year - old daughter had been killed . " A memorial card , Torres presumed had been passed out at a funeral , showed a picture of the girl with long braided hair . " There were also several pictures of her at different times in her life , " she said . " There were school pictures , pictures from birthday parties and Christmas and pictures of a laughing young girl splashing in a swimming pool and many family photos . " It was the same girl she had seen that first day in the home , and the same girl who sat on her son 's bed . And , she later found , the spirit of the little girl wasn 't alone . " Recently , I was awakened by the feeling of someone staring at me and when I opened my eyes there standing beside the bed was an old woman , " Sammy said . " She was wearing a dress that looked like it was from the late 1800s to the early 1900s . " The dress was long and black with a high collar and puffy sleeves . The top of the dress had buttons on the front and the apparition wore a cameo brooch at the throat of her dress . It 's hair was gray and pulled into a bun . " She looked very stern , " Sammy said . " I lay there looking at her for a few seconds and then she was gone . She just disappeared . We have seen her several times since then and always in the bedroom . And we always smell stale cigarette smoke right before she appears . " But the apparitions don 't appear singularly . Sammy has at least felt them both in the room at the same time . Sammy was lying in bed one day when tPosted by Author 's note : This is the first of a two - part series about the Torres family who , after moving into their new home , discovered something was already there . When Sammy Torres and her family moved into the mobile home in 2004 , they knew something was wrong . The former tenants had left in a hurry . " The people who had owned it before had just up and left without taking any of their belongings , " she said . " They left their furniture , their appliances , photo albums with baby pictures and other family photos . They didn 't even take their clothes . I have tried to find anyone who may have known the people that lived here before to see if anyone knew anything about them or the reason they fled as they did . " Neighbors don 't seem to know . Unpacking boxes the first night Torres ' family stayed in the home , Sammy saw something she couldn 't explain . " I was sitting on the floor in front of the television unpacking a box of DVDs and videos and putting them away , " she said . " The television was off and I saw on the blank screen a young girl with very long braided hair walk behind me from the direction of the bedroom towards the kitchen . " Thinking it was her youngest daughter going into the kitchen , she kept unpacking the box - then she realized the girl never left the kitchen . She looked in the kitchen ; no one was there . " I got up from the floor and went to check on my daughter but when I poked my head inside her bedroom she was fast asleep , " Sammy said . " I thought maybe I had been so engrossed in what I was doing that I didn 't see her go back by . " Then , day after day , strange things began to work their way into the Torres family 's life and Sammy began to realize it hadn 't been her daughter she 'd seen in the television screen that first day - something was in her house . " Things began to happen pretty regular , " Sammy said . The cabinet under the bathroom sink randomly opened and slammed shut when no one was around , Sammy heard footsteps in the hallway when no one else was home , and everyone hearPosted by The house in Ducor , Calif . , seemed perfect . Four bedrooms , two bathrooms and enough acreage for Tammy 's horses , cats and dogs . It was also near family . " In 1996 , my three daughters and I moved here from Texas , " she said . " My husband had passed away recently and we needed to be near family . " And the rent , Tammy had found anywhere from $ 600 to $ 1 , 500 a month for something of that size , was only $ 350 in Ducor . " I couldn 't believe my good luck , " she said . But she soon found the reason the rent was so cheap - it was haunted . " One of the first things we noticed was the wallpaper in the bedrooms , " she said . " One of the rooms had wallpaper that made it look like a padded cell . It literally looked like it had mattresses stuck around the room . The next room had barbed wire wallpaper around it , but the best was yet to come . " The ceiling in the master bedroom was black , surrounded by dark purple walls . Tammy later wondered if the house had decided the decor for the former occupants . The first night in the house seemed quiet , but Tammy 's middle daughter sent terror through Tammy over breakfast . " ( She ) told me that she had seen the shadow of a man kind of float past her bedroom window , " Tammy said . " I thought she meant outside the window but she said that , ' no , he was in her room . ' " Tammy hired men to install alarms around the house and yard the same day . But that night , when something invaded the rooms of Tammy and her daughter , the alarms didn 't go off . " I woke up feeling as though something or someone had sat down on the edge of my bed , " she said . " But when I opened my eyes no one was there so I thought I was dreaming . " Then the water faucet in the kitchen came on . " I went to see if one of the kids was up getting a drink of water but no one was there , " she said . " As I started to walk out of the kitchen to go back to bed the door to the fridge flew open . " Although she couldn 't explain what happened , Tammy went back to bed . " The next morning my daughter again told me about tPosted by As 12 - year - old Chris Wham and his family watched construction workers build their home in St . Charles , Mo . , subdivision , everything looked fine . It was 1979 . By 1980 , Wham wasn 't so sure . " In the summer of 1979 , my family moved into its first new house , " Wham said . " Not just a new house to us , but a brand new house . In the months before the house was completed , my step - father would drive us out to it and we would watch the men work on it . " The land was once an apple orchard and sat almost empty as the house went up . " Our house was one of the first few completed on the street , " Wham said . " So I spent much of the year watching the other houses getting built and making new friends whenever kids would move in . " A year went by and Wham 's family had comfortably settled in the house . " It was towards end of summer 1980 , school had just started the week before , and I was already playing hooky , " he said . " I just didn 't want to go to school that day , so I faked a stomach ache so I could stay home . " Wham stayed in his room until his mother had to go on an errand . " Near 12 noon , my mother asked me to keep an eye on my baby brother while she ran to the store for more diapers , " he said . The round trip to the store , Wham figured , might take 15 minutes , and his little brother was sleeping , so he had time to play . " I told her I would . I 'd do anything to get her out of the house , so I could turn off her horrible soap operas , " he said . " As soon as she left I hopped into the big brown La - Z - Boy recliner that was parked in front of the TV and changed over to Channel 11 . It was now exactly noon and Green Acres was just coming on . " As he sat there , the sound of the program drifting through the living room , Wham knew he wasn 't alone . " No sooner had the theme song ended did I hear , and feel , a rapping over my left shoulder on the back of the big La - Z - Boy , " he said . " A soft thumpity thump , thumpity thump , thumpity thump . The same type of sound an impatient person might create with his fingers on a dPosted by Cool air poured through the open windows of the car as Lisa Becker and her husband pulled through their suburban Chicago neighborhood of Oak Brook one night in 1996 . Nature painted the dusk pink , orange and red , but something dark suddenly smeared the canvas . " As we approached our subdivision , we saw a large blackness in the air , " Becker said . " It was about eight feet in diameter , about 100 feet away from us , and about 30 feet in the air . It was moving in a straight line . " Her husband also saw the black figure . " It had no specific shape and its edges undulated , " she said . " As it flew closer we pulled over to watch it . It was so low that you could have hit it with a rock . " When they noticed the object , the Beckers later named the " pterodactyl , " it slowly and noiselessly crept through the sky from east to west about 50 yards from the back of their house . " It moved in a perfectly straight line as if it were on a tightrope , " she said . The couple watched the object as it sailed about 10 feet past them , 30 feet in the air , and folded in upon itself , disappearing . " It was not a vehicle , " Becker said . " The best way to describe it would be to say it looked like a very large flat stingray ( with ) no tail . It moved in a perfectly straight line , and never varied from its path . " This left the college - educated Beckers wondering what they saw . " My husband thought it was strange , but didn 't have any particular emotional response to the thing , " Becker said . " Also it didn 't seem to have any sort of depth to it . It was like looking into a very dark spot that could have blotted out anything behind it . It didn 't have any wind or exhaust in its trail . Our best thought , though entirely illogical , was that it was a rip in the space - time continuum . " Whatever the black , undulating " pterodactyl " was flying over their house , the memory has stayed with the Beckers for 13 years . " I asked myself at the time , ' how did the object make me feel ? ' " she said . " It wasn 't pleasant , maybe even slighPosted by Photo courtesy of Kim Luney of Southwest Ghost Finders from Springfield , Mo . Arcadia Valley Academy 's red brick buildings aren 't original to the campus , but they 've still been there a long time . The academy , in Ironton , Mo . , opened in 1846 as a Methodist high school and served as a Union military hospital during the Civil War . However , it is best known from its later incarnation as a Catholic girls school that ran from 1877 to 1971 . It also served as a convent for nuns of the Ursaline Order until 1985 . It has most recently been a bed and breakfast and antique mall . Most of the buildings , such as the Administration building , the Auditorium , and the Gymnasium , were built between 1907 and 1934 , and something unknown lurks in these buildings of the old Academy . Belinda Clark - Ache , founder / owner of the paranormal investigation group Haunted Missouri Paranormal Studies , heard stories of a haunting at the 200 - room academy and conducted a thorough investigation there . " We were there every month , April through October , " she said . " I used to just go up by myself and rent a room for the night . All the potential ; all the earmarks for a haunting were there . " Such as a disembodied girl 's voice that said " Lucy , " and the presence of orbs . Although orbs , small balls of light captured by digital photography , are sketchy evidence at best - they can often be explained as dust particles , insects or moisture in the air - some are more convincing . Clark - Ache 's group captured many orbs on video that were a mystery to them . " We got some interesting moving orbs , " she said . " I 'm not an orb person , but we have hours of video from the third floor hallway . One winter evening we had moving orbs up and down the hallway . We could never explain them away to our satisfaction . " Although Clark - Ache 's group found some cursory evidence the Academy is haunted , they weren 't entirely convinced . " I did an experiment the first few months . I would take ( groups of visitors ) on a walking tour of the place , " Clark - Ache said . Posted by The young couple sat across from each other as their hands joined on the planchette of a Ouija board . Tim Hess began using the board after his girlfriend moved into his Pennsylvania apartment , not realizing what it would invite . " We had been doing this almost every evening for about a month and had been talking to an entity that claimed to be a man who died at about the same age I was , " he said . " He claimed to have died in an accident . . . apparently he was working on this vehicle and it fell on him , crushing him . " Although nothing bad had happened to Hess and his girlfriend while using the Ouija board , they were still cautious . " We always used it together because we heard you should never use one alone , " he said . But one night , when Hess sat in a bar up the hill from his apartment , his girlfriend , who wasn 't yet 21 , broke the rule . " As I was walking home one evening I found a bottle jack lying along side the road and decided to take it home because I work on cars a lot , " he said . " When I walked in the door with the jack in my hand my girlfriend 's face turned white as a ghost and she was screaming at me telling me I had to get rid of the jack . " After she calmed down , she told him why . " She had been using the Ouija board while I was out , " Hess said . " She told me she had been trying to talk to our friend but he wouldn 't say anything except ' Tim ' and ' No Jack ' over and over for about 15 minutes . " Finally , after numerous requests , the board spelled out that Hess would find a jack walking home from a bar June 14 . That night was June 14 . But it 's what the entity then claimed that threw the girl into hysterics . " ( The entity said ) I would use the jack and a car would fall on me killing me , " he said . " I told her not to worry because nothing was going to happen to me . " She pleaded with him to get rid of the jack , but he refused ; it was in good condition . " I took the jack down to the basement and tried to forget what happened , " he said . " But every time I saw that jack I got a vePosted by For centuries , Shadow People - darker than night , human - shaped entities - have stalked the lives of people across the globe . But they 're becoming more common . Are encounters with these two - dimensional , looming figures on the rise , or are more people willing to talk about their experiences because they know they 're not alone ? It knockedTK first saw the Shadow Man standing in the doorway of his parents ' house . " I was laying in my bed trying to fall asleep , " TK said . " Out of nowhere a big Shadow figure , about 6 - foot , 6 - inches tall , walked in . " TK wondered about his sanity - but it was too real . " The figure began to lean into the bed and stare at me , it would then lean back and look out the window , " TK said . " It went back and forth doing this for maybe a minute or two . " Then fear draped TK . " I wasn 't sure if it was an actual person or possibly a ghost , " he said . " From a spur - of - the - moment decision I leaned forward and kicked at the figure while kind of yelling . I kicked right through it . " His parents ran into the room seconds later , and nothing was there . " I was very creeped out but I pretty much convinced myself that my mind had played a trick on me , " he said . " I soon moved out … for college and never encountered anything like it again until I came back and stayed in the same room . " At about 12 : 30 a . m . , a knocking at his door roused him from sleep . " I was sleeping on my side facing away from the door , " he said . " When I woke up to the sound , I turn around to look at the door and right next to my bed was the same Shadowy figure . " TK is convinced it was the same entity he 'd seen before . " When I saw it , it completely scared the ( crap ) out of me , " he said . " I thought for sure it was a person . I am thankful to find so many people who experienced the same Shadow People as I did . I felt a little crazy . " Red eyes in the nightJayna was four the night her eight - year - old sister saw the Shadow Man . " One night she was awake as our parents came up the stairs and she listened toPosted by " Kim Mason has edited four of my non - fiction books and the sales of all four have far exceeded my expectations . She made my best better . " - Jason Offutt All little Diane Garder wanted to do was play . As she stood in her aunt 's yard one afternoon , she noticed someone standing nearby . " When I . . . The night of terror began with a few drinks . " It was just another night out with our group of friends , " Toni said . " We had all been drinki . . . Author 's note : This is a story about a man 's encounter with Black - Eyed Kids . " Noetic " is not his name ; he asked for anonymity . Although N . . . Jason Offutt is a syndicated columnist , author , college journalism instructor , and fan of all things strange . His books include the novel , " A Funeral Story , " the parody survival book , " How to Kill Monsters Using Common Household Items , " the humorous travelogue , " Across a Corn - Swept Land , " and four books about the paranormal , " Paranormal Missouri : Show Me Your Monsters , " " What Lurks Beyond : The Paranormal In Your Backyard , " " Darkness Walks : The Shadow People Among Us , " and " Haunted Missouri : A Ghostly Guide to Missouri 's Most Spirited Spots . " All are available at www . amazon . com . |
The paranormal is often intimidating , confusing , terrifying . But strange knocks , dark entities and growls in the night aren 't always bad . The following are two stories of welcomed bumps in the night . A mother 's touchJo Ann Miller , Texas , visited her family in Independence , Mo . , in fall 2009 . She went to the cemetery where her parents are buried , and drove by the house she grew up in , the house where her mother lived for 60 years . Later , at a party , Miller watched a family DVD with pictures of her mother , father and baby pictures of her son , who died in 1995 . " After we came back to Texas I was talking on the phone to someone about how nice it was to see those old pictures and how good my mother looked , how good my son looked , and also how nice it was to see a photo of my brother - in - law , " she said . " None of them are living . " About 30 minutes later , Miller knew she was not alone in her house . " I felt a hand resting on my right shoulder , " she said . " Such a light touch . It was almost like it wasn 't touching me , but it was . " No one was there . She looked for other explanations , such as a breeze from the ceiling fan , but the fan wasn 't on . " There was no explanation , " she said . " It was just a nice feeling to have that invisible hand touching my shoulder . " She believed the touch was from her mother . The next morning she was sure of it . " I woke up in bed , rolled over , and happened to see the digital clock in our bedroom , " she said . " It had the numbers flashing that were my mother 's home address numbers exactly . I believe now that it was my mother - or an angel sent by my mother - that touched me . It isn 't something I would want to happen very often , that 's for sure . But it was a comforting presence . " The Ghost Watches Over UsWhen Krissy Mathers and her significant other moved into their Texas apartment in 2007 they knew they were not alone . " This wasn 't the first time that my partner and I had ghostly roommates , " she said . " In our previous apartments there were specters . I feJason Offutt All little Diane Garder wanted to do was play . As she stood in her aunt 's yard one afternoon , she noticed someone standing nearby . " When I was three years old I saw a shadow person , " Garder said . " It looked curiously at me as I played in the backyard of my aunt 's home . " Alone in the yard - her family was inside - she approached the shadowy figure ; it didn 't like that . " The entity looked at me and when I acknowledged it , it seemed to have feared me , " Garder said . " I chased it and said , ' Wait wait . It 's OK . Who are you ? Do you want to play ? ' As a little child I did not know yet enough that I should have been scared . " She chased this figure until it ran between two trees , through a fence and vanished . " Was this entity from a different dimension or a ghost ? " she said . " My mother had an abortion a few years before I was born and the shadow looked like it would have been the age of the older sibling if it had lived on this planet and not had been terminated during my mom 's pregnancy . Could it have been my dead brother or sister ? Till this day at the age of 26 I am in utter amazement and awe of such a being . " Children see more than adults . Invisible friends , ghosts , little people . Children often startle their parents by discussing encounters with someone whose description is similar to a grandparent the child has never met . Is it imagination , or can children tap into a part of the world adults can no longer see ? Bill Bryant was one of those children . " I saw the Hat Man when I was a kid , " he said . " My brother and I shared the same room . Maybe 30 years later I was talking to my brother about it at my mom 's house . He said he saw the same thing . " The Hat Man is an often - seen type of shadow person that wears , of all things , a fedora . " Last fall my sister was telling my mom of seeing the Hat Man , " Bryant said . " ( Mom ) remembered my story and described him to my sister before she could describe him . " Is the ability to see the paranormal something we outgrow ? Or do children experiJason Offutt The run - down apartment in Brisbane , Australia , always felt wrong to Kayla Griffiths . " Numerous friends who would visit would sometimes have to leave certain rooms or sometimes the entire apartment because of these energies , " Griffiths said . Strangeness began the first week she lived there - the apartment spoke to her and her flatmate . The voice told Griffiths to get out of bed . " Me and my original flatmate experienced a voice speaking to each of us , " Griffiths said . " To me it sounded like her , to her it sounded like me . " Griffiths walked into her flatmate 's room and found her still in bed . Neither of them had spoken . " Her face dropped , " Griffiths said . " We both knew something weird had happened but had brushed it off . " The strangeness continued , slowly at first . " Things began disappearing then showing up in places we would clearly see it , " she said . " Once I walked past the fridge and a bottle off the top of the fridge flung to the ground and smashed on the floor in front of my legs ; enough to have little cuts on my legs , but nothing serous . " The negative feeling increased slowly , too . The feeling grew stronger the longer Griffiths lived in the apartment . Hatred , anger , self - loathing . " The rage and anger we felt started off with little arguments and annoyance over small things , which we palmed off as stress , " Griffiths said . " And slowly things started getting more angry . It felt like there were constant tensions in the house . " Griffiths ' flatmate - also her best friend - became so angry she moved out . " We ended up not speaking anymore , " Griffiths said . " I had thoughts that were completely paranoid about her , thinking she was doing things to hurt me . " Then Griffiths ' boyfriend , a devout Roman Catholic , moved in , and the negative feeling in the apartment grew worse . " The anger then seemed to heighten between me and my boyfriend , starting off with big yelling matches , then throwing things , then pushing , " she said . " It became more and more violent where I would feel asJason Offutt Something was wrong with the house . Angie Kelly of New Cumberland , Pa . , and her family moved into the large Foursquare that sat over a large series of caves in the 1990s . " There was a hole in the back yard that lead down to the caves , " Kelly said . " We kept a board over the opening so kids and dogs wouldn 't fall in . " But the Kelly family had more to worry about than cave openings . " Being in the basement doing laundry , I never felt like I was completely alone , " Kelly said . " It was a strange feeling , like someone was watching me . " Whatever was watching Kelly may have been watching her toddler , too . " My son , Ryan , was also exhibiting very strange behavior , " Kelly said . Ryan began slamming himself against the safety rails on his bed and tried to throw himself through the house 's large front window . " At one point ( he ) attempted to throw himself down the stairs , " she said . " This was a frightening thought . " Then things started happening in Ryan 's room . " A horrible odor filled my son 's room , and just his room , " Kelly said . " Before too long , his room was overrun with flies . They were all over the windows , ala ' Amityville Horror . ' " Kelly couldn 't get rid of the smell or the flies . " They seemed to have no desire to leave his room , " she said . " The odor seemed to emanate from his closet and I had to remove his clothes so they wouldn 't stink . " Finally , Kelly turned to religion . " We never did figure out what the smell and the flies were all about , but after hanging a cross in his room , the smell left and the flies disappeared , " Kelly said . The Kellys finally moved away from whatever lurked in that house . " The house also got hit by lightning while I was living there , " Kelly said . " It was a very weird year that I lived there , just one strange thing after another . It was kind of a relief to move out . The entire experience in that house was very bizarre . " But whatever was in the house may have followed them . " In the mid - 1990s , I lived in a rented duplex , " she said . " It waPosted by Leanne Smith couldn 't explain her panic . Smith carpooled to work in Deale , Md . , in 1999 when one night her driver stopped at a small grocery store , leaving Smith in the pickup alone . " We parked at the edge of the parking lot with the store entrance and lot behind us , " Smith said . " We had worked late and it was well after dusk . " Smith relaxed as she sat in the truck , watching cars going through the intersection , waiting for the driver to come back . " I make note of my emotions because in this peaceful , relaxed state , I was hit with an unbelievably strong sense of fear or danger , " she said . " There was no rational explanation for this intense fear and I was able to be objective . It was really strange to me , feeling this fear all of a sudden . " Realizing she was slipping into a panic attack , Smith tried to figure out what might have triggered this immediate overwhelming terror . " The fear or sense of danger didn 't increase or become more intense , " Smith said . " The ( initial ) intensity was extraordinary . " Then she noticed a possible trigger for her fear ; a group of about 10 young men who were " roughhousing " in the parking lot behind her . Smith leaned closer to the passenger side mirror to watch them . " A couple of them sounded drunk and it sounded as though it was possible a fight might be brewing , " she said . " I went to move the rear - view mirror to get a better view and saw something out of the corner of my eye . " From the passenger seat , Smith slowly looked to her left , and found the cause for her terror . " I looked over at the driver 's window and there , facing me , was a woman looking in at me , " she said . " Not just glancing in , she had her shoulders square to the driver 's door of the pickup , standing about a foot and a half away from the window , which was closed . " The appearance of the woman rammed the intense fear deeper into Smith . " My heart shot to my throat and I couldn 't move , " she said . " I just looked at her and she at me . " Although the harsh shadows cast by the yellowPosted by Author 's note : This is the second of a two - part story of Bigfoot encounters in Southeast Missouri . Ken Mattheis had a flat tire . He and his cousin Jim had ridden their bicycles into Leasburg , a rural Southeast Missouri town , and now couldn 't get home - so they called Grandpa . " My grandpa was in his 90s and he drove really slow , " Mattheis said . As his grandfather puttered down Route H , Mattheis and his cousin , sitting in the bed of the pickup , saw a man walking in a field . " I saw what looked like a large man in a light brown winter coat in coveralls with a hood up walking in a field , " he said . " It was all light brown , the hair , face and hands was like the color of hay . " The man was large and swung his arms like a cross - country skier . " We got closer and I realized it was a Bigfoot , " Mattheis said . " The hair on top of the head was long and it went straight up and looked really strange like a Conehead . " The boys sat in the truck , staring at the Bigfoot as their grandfather motored by . The thing never looked at the truck . It just kept walking until it reached the woods . The boys didn 't say anything to their grandfather , who didn 't see the brown man walking in the field . Mattheis had a more personal experience a few years later . " I had a truck and was with several of my cousins and his friends and we had nothing to do so I decided to go drive them into the woods that night and go listen for the panther screams , " he said . " We drove into the woods and parked , and I think four or five kids were in back of this truck . " After a few minutes of silence , the teens heard something large walking toward them through the woods . " We could hear something large in the woods coming towards us breaking limbs and breathing really loud in and out as if it had breathing problems , " he said . " The kids freaked and wanted to leave , but I said , ' no , lets see what 's coming . ' I 'd like to know what the hell is making all that noise . " The breathing thing circled the truck , breaking tree limbs and throwing Posted by Author 's note : This is the first of a two - part story of Bigfoot encounters in Southeast Missouri . Darkness engulfed the Southeast Missouri farmhouse , the air still in the January night . Ken Mattheis knelt behind his parent 's house working , meager light illuminating a generator , the only sign of electricity for miles . " A few years ago the power went at my parents farm house and I went out to help them set up a generator for the first time , " he said . He 'd left a tool in the van , so he walked into the darkness to retrieve it . " It was a cold , pitch black night , " he said . " I heard footsteps on the ice - covered grass . " He thought it was his father outside with him , but when a tree branch snap , he knew it wasn 't his father . " I heard crunch , crunch , then limbs started breaking and falling , " he said . " I turned to see what was causing the limbs to break and saw this large black shadow standing up under a tree behind me . " The figure knocked down more limbs , then stopped . " It stood still as if it was waiting for me to do something , " he said . " I thought , ' crap , you 're not my dad . ' So , calmly I walked away from it . " Mattheis backed inside the farmhouse . " My dad was inside the house , " he said . " I told him , ' we have a visitor , ' and he said , ' Who ? ' I said , ' a Bigfoot . ' " They looked out the window , but what Mattheis had seen was gone . It would be back . A few months later , Mattheis ' mother saw something strange , and telephoned him . " She said , ' well the other night the dog was barking out by the fence and I went out to see what it was barking at and this large black shadow stood up and walked off into the woods , ' " Mattheis said . " Now my mom says the dogs are afraid to go outside at night . " Mattheis went to the spot the next day and found large footprints in the grass . The heel of the foot had pressed deeper than the rest , the curve of the arch almost invisible . " I have photos of the tracks , " he said . " Not great photos , but its big feet . Should have made casts of thPosted by Have you ever heard your name spoken in an empty house ? Or a loved one calling to you from another room , only to find no one is in that room - at least no one you can see ? Ryan Straub wants to talk with you . Straub , founder of the Missouri paranormal group Tir Firnath ( which means , " to observe the dead " in Tolkien elvish . ) , is researching these talking spirits for an upcoming book - and he 's no stranger to spirits that take notice of the living . When a car accident injured a then 16 - year - old Straub , it awoke something in him that had , until that point , lain dormant . " I was hurt really bad , " Straub , now 25 , said . " Then I started seeing things , even that night . Spirits . " As he saw more and more people - dead people - no one around him could see , he set out to find out what he was experiencing . " That 's what 's sparked my interested in the paranormal , " he said . " I 've dedicated my life to it . Since then I 've been indulging myself in research . " Straub 's group has investigated spots in Idaho , Illinois , Missouri and Oklahoma , and specializes in hauntings . Straub hopes the research for his book will help others who have experienced these talking spirits . Straub is looking for the following encounters : - Calls by name : the spirit or ghost calls out the name of the intended victim . - Calls for help or assistance : the spirit or ghost claims to need some kind of aid . - Lured by unnatural sensory phenomenon : the ghost or spirit tries to draw victims to them through unnatural means in unlikely places ; for example , appearing as a beautiful woman , making noise that attracts people , like playing , screaming or screeching , or smells like cooking or perfume . - Mimics , impersonates or recreates : the ghost or spirit mimics your voice , impersonates loved ones , recreates conversations , or appears as you or someone you know . - Calls by control : hypnosis or possession . - Lures by irrational response : the ghost or spirit causes fear , anger , or an anxiety to make you want to lash out . Had any of these encounters ? Posted by The thing in five - year - old Dan Mitchell 's bedroom in southeastern Wisconsin only came at night . As Mitchell lie in bed , his parents far down the hall , a thin , androgynous creature would appear and tell him stories . It looked almost frightened . " I would tell my mom about this and she always thought it was just my imagination getting the best of me , " Mitchell , now 33 , said . But he knew it was real , and it looked " like a harlequin . " " Its clothes were absolutely motley and strange , " Mitchell said . " Its face looked like it was in a perpetual state of shock . " Large , wide - open eyes - too large to be human eyes - stared at Mitchell through the gray of night as words spilled through its always open , round mouth . " This being referred to itself as the ' tooth fairy ' when I had asked , " Mitchell said . " For whatever reason I was never afraid of it , and I can not remember anything it may have told me . " It did , however , appear to try and comfort the boy if he began to look afraid . " It always attempted to be funny and almost clown - like so that I wouldn 't shudder in terror , " Mitchell said . " Was this some sort of imaginary friend I had created ? I wasn 't that kind of kid . " Mitchell 's family never saw this " Harlequin , " nor did they believe him . " I know this sounds crazy , but I assure you that I remember this high strangeness almost as well as I remember the normal events of my childhood , " he said . Like one night in the spring of 1981 when the Mitchell family sat down for dinner . " I remember that my dad was very agitated , " Mitchell said . " He kept saying that he was hearing somebody walking around upstairs . I was terrified by this because my Dad was so agitated and I had never seen him scared like that . He was a very tough guy . " Then Mitchell 's father shot up from the dinner table , terror splashed across his face . " Immediately there was a voice that he heard coming from upstairs , " Mitchell said . " While I want to say that it sounded like a sinister and terrifying laugh , I believePosted by The young man lived in a rental house a few doors from the home where H . W . * grew up in southern Brazil . A few years later , the young man moved out , a husband and wife moved in . Although these people didn 't , and don 't , know one another , they had something in common - they knew something dark often walked the halls of that house . " The male was a young lawyer starting out , while the female was an architect / homemaker , " H . W . said . " They both knocked on my mother 's door a bit distraught . " There were years between the knocks - one in the mid - 1990s , the other in early 2000 , but the people behind the knocks told the same story . " They described how a dark shadow wearing a fedora hat would frequently walk by them and disappear through the walls , " H . W . said . " Both residents described the black Shadow figure as being in the shape of an old man . " This Shadow figure , a paranormal entity called the Hat Man , is usually an ominous figure . People often report feeling the entity is somehow feeding from their fear . However , H . W . doesn 't think this Hat Man was threatening . " As far as I know , the Hat Man wasn 't a menace to them , " H . W . said . " He would just walk by and go right through the walls , in a silent manner , without ever acknowledging their presence . " The witnesses came to H . W . 's mother 's door , he feels , because she was the oldest person living on the street . As such , she knew the person who built the house . The man , who died in the late 1950s , often wore a fedora , although that style was common in Brazil at the time . " It was customary for Brazilians to wear those hats up to mid - ' 60s , as their style was highly influenced by Hollywood , " H . W . said . " My late father used to wear those hats as any young professional . " These shadowy , fedora - wearing figures have been reported worldwide , from North America to Europe , South Africa and Australia . Although Hollywood 's images are far - reaching , the presence of this entity on multiple continents has H . W . curious . " It 's an intriguing story indeed , Posted by The children looked out of place in the night . Craig Besand walked down the street toward his flat in Norwich , England , when two figures approached him . " They appeared to be young boys , " Besand said . " One was about 13 years old , the other one was about nine . " At the time Besand , a Missourian , was studying abroad at the University of East Anglia in Norwich . " I ( 'd been ) at a friend 's house having a few drinks until the late hours , " he said . " My friend asked me if I was all right to walk back to my flat and if I wanted I could crash on his couch . I told him I would be all right , I just wanted to get home and go to bed . It was after 1 in the morning . " Between Besand 's flat and his friend 's flat was a cemetery - that 's where he saw the children . " My friend lives up the street from a very old cemetery on Dereham Road , " Besand said . " I walk past this cemetery every time I go to his house . " He 'd made it a few blocks when he saw two figures approach him . " They were both wearing hoodies , sneakers ; typical kid stuff , " Besand said . " The older one said that they were trying to find the graveyard and that they were lost . " Then the boy asked Besand , " could you please take us there ? " The age of the children and the late night struck Besand as strange . " I figured it was odd that young kids were hanging out in graveyards at this time of night , " he said . " But kids are into whatever so I agreed to take them there . They asked me very politely and the cemetery was on my way home anyway . " As Besand escorted the boys toward the cemetery , he looked at them closer . The oldest boy 's hair was jet black , " his skin was porcelain white and veiny . " Then Besand saw the eyes . " They both had eyes that were as dark as coal , no sign of white , " Besand said . " The eyes were the most distinct features , it was like they had no souls or nothing inside of them . " He asked these Black - Eyed Children where they lived . They named a nearby street . " I thought that was strange because this cemetery is hPosted by On a quiet country road west of Freeman , Mo . , past railroad tracks and between two hills , almost throwing distance from the Kansas state line , sits a flat spot in the gravel . Some locals , like Kylie Guier of Freeman , claim that if you stop on that spot and put your vehicle in neutral , the car will start moving , sometimes up to 25 miles per hour . People say gravity doesn 't work there . " Everybody calls it Gravity Hill , " Guier said . " It 's out on this gravel road in the middle of nowhere . I don 't know anyone who 's an expert on it . Everyone just knows it 's there . " Guier 's been to Gravity Hill a number of times , as have most area people she knows , and , " I 've never known anybody it hasn 't worked for . " It didn 't work for Jake Koehn of nearby Adrian , Mo . " ( My friends and I ) went there around 6 p . m . during the summer , so plenty of daylight , " he said . " We parked at the bottom of the hill , put the truck in neutral and did not see much for a result . After about 10 minutes , we gave up on it and left . " He may have given up too soon . Urban legend has it if you sprinkle flour or gravel dust on the trunk of the car , drivers will later find child - sized handprints in the dust . I 'm so there . I pulled my minivan onto 299th Street ( much too gravelly and rural to be called a street ) from Route D in Cass County on a clear September afternoon . Sure I was in a minivan , not the Mystery Machine , but I think a minivan 's what the Scooby gang drove when they grew up . The lane leading to Gravity Hill is surrounded by wavy pastureland , the occasional pond and patches of sunflowers breaking the swaths of green . Over the railroad tracks and up two hills - according to many listings on the Internet - you 're supposed to drive to the end of the lane , turn around and come to rest at the bottom . Then the magic happens . Many people who 've been to Gravity Hill claim the moving car phenomenon is an optical illusion and , as I parked the minivan at a spot between hills that looked flat , I found it wasn 't . The level I Posted by The quiet , hidden cemetery in Chariton County , Mo . , sits at the end of a slice of gravel snaking into hills . A dark roof of trees turns the long stretch of rocks and dirt into a leafy tunnel . Ryan Straub , founder of the Missouri - based ghost hunting group Tir Firnath , has often visited the cemetery and experienced strange things . However , nothing has disturbed him as much as what he and fellow Tir Firnath member Mike Haurcade saw standing on that gravel road . " Mike and I we were leaving one day , " Straub said . " As we were leaving , we were in the middle of the hills and we saw a very large dog in the road . It stood up on its hind legs and left the road . " Straub and Haurcade froze as the beast walked on two legs into the thick trees . Werewolves , in various forms , have existed in many cultures across the world . From the Medieval European werewolf that dominates horror movies , to American Indian skinwalkers , the image of a man changing into a beast has terrified people for centuries . But , sitting safely in a cozy house , watching television , the werewolf stalking the night is nothing but legend . " It was chasing after us , " Davis said . " It was running along the wall toward me and I just turned and ran , I didn 't think to look back . " The teens never saw the thing again , although something about the encounter still confuses Davis . " It was in the middle of town , " he said . " That 's what always gets me about that thing . Not out in the woods or at a secluded cabin , but in Tempe , Ariz . " " I call it ' manlike , ' because of its size and hands , " Williams said . " They looked like human hands except for the fingers were really long , clawed and covered in fur . Richard thought it was a werewolf or something . " Got a scary story ? Ever played with a Ouija board , heard voices , seen a ghost , UFO or a creature you couldn 't identify ? Let Jason know about it : Jason Offutt , P . O . Box 501 , Maryville , Mo . , 64468 , or jasonoffutt @ hotmail . com . Your story might make an upcoming installment of " From the Shadows . " Author 's note : This is the second of a two - part series about the Torres family who , after moving into their new home , discovered something was already there . Pouring through the stacks of memories her home 's previous occupants left behind , Sammy Torres unmasked the spirit of a young Hispanic girl that sits on her son 's bed . " One day as I was looking through the photo albums left by the previous owners I saw a newspaper clipping about a car accident , " she said . " It told about a Hispanic family who had been in an accident in which the father and the 12 - year - old daughter had been killed . " A memorial card , Torres presumed had been passed out at a funeral , showed a picture of the girl with long braided hair . " There were also several pictures of her at different times in her life , " she said . " There were school pictures , pictures from birthday parties and Christmas and pictures of a laughing young girl splashing in a swimming pool and many family photos . " It was the same girl she had seen that first day in the home , and the same girl who sat on her son 's bed . And , she later found , the spirit of the little girl wasn 't alone . " Recently , I was awakened by the feeling of someone staring at me and when I opened my eyes there standing beside the bed was an old woman , " Sammy said . " She was wearing a dress that looked like it was from the late 1800s to the early 1900s . " The dress was long and black with a high collar and puffy sleeves . The top of the dress had buttons on the front and the apparition wore a cameo brooch at the throat of her dress . It 's hair was gray and pulled into a bun . " She looked very stern , " Sammy said . " I lay there looking at her for a few seconds and then she was gone . She just disappeared . We have seen her several times since then and always in the bedroom . And we always smell stale cigarette smoke right before she appears . " But the apparitions don 't appear singularly . Sammy has at least felt them both in the room at the same time . Sammy was lying in bed one day when tPosted by Author 's note : This is the first of a two - part series about the Torres family who , after moving into their new home , discovered something was already there . When Sammy Torres and her family moved into the mobile home in 2004 , they knew something was wrong . The former tenants had left in a hurry . " The people who had owned it before had just up and left without taking any of their belongings , " she said . " They left their furniture , their appliances , photo albums with baby pictures and other family photos . They didn 't even take their clothes . I have tried to find anyone who may have known the people that lived here before to see if anyone knew anything about them or the reason they fled as they did . " Neighbors don 't seem to know . Unpacking boxes the first night Torres ' family stayed in the home , Sammy saw something she couldn 't explain . " I was sitting on the floor in front of the television unpacking a box of DVDs and videos and putting them away , " she said . " The television was off and I saw on the blank screen a young girl with very long braided hair walk behind me from the direction of the bedroom towards the kitchen . " Thinking it was her youngest daughter going into the kitchen , she kept unpacking the box - then she realized the girl never left the kitchen . She looked in the kitchen ; no one was there . " I got up from the floor and went to check on my daughter but when I poked my head inside her bedroom she was fast asleep , " Sammy said . " I thought maybe I had been so engrossed in what I was doing that I didn 't see her go back by . " Then , day after day , strange things began to work their way into the Torres family 's life and Sammy began to realize it hadn 't been her daughter she 'd seen in the television screen that first day - something was in her house . " Things began to happen pretty regular , " Sammy said . The cabinet under the bathroom sink randomly opened and slammed shut when no one was around , Sammy heard footsteps in the hallway when no one else was home , and everyone hearPosted by The house in Ducor , Calif . , seemed perfect . Four bedrooms , two bathrooms and enough acreage for Tammy 's horses , cats and dogs . It was also near family . " In 1996 , my three daughters and I moved here from Texas , " she said . " My husband had passed away recently and we needed to be near family . " And the rent , Tammy had found anywhere from $ 600 to $ 1 , 500 a month for something of that size , was only $ 350 in Ducor . " I couldn 't believe my good luck , " she said . But she soon found the reason the rent was so cheap - it was haunted . " One of the first things we noticed was the wallpaper in the bedrooms , " she said . " One of the rooms had wallpaper that made it look like a padded cell . It literally looked like it had mattresses stuck around the room . The next room had barbed wire wallpaper around it , but the best was yet to come . " The ceiling in the master bedroom was black , surrounded by dark purple walls . Tammy later wondered if the house had decided the decor for the former occupants . The first night in the house seemed quiet , but Tammy 's middle daughter sent terror through Tammy over breakfast . " ( She ) told me that she had seen the shadow of a man kind of float past her bedroom window , " Tammy said . " I thought she meant outside the window but she said that , ' no , he was in her room . ' " Tammy hired men to install alarms around the house and yard the same day . But that night , when something invaded the rooms of Tammy and her daughter , the alarms didn 't go off . " I woke up feeling as though something or someone had sat down on the edge of my bed , " she said . " But when I opened my eyes no one was there so I thought I was dreaming . " Then the water faucet in the kitchen came on . " I went to see if one of the kids was up getting a drink of water but no one was there , " she said . " As I started to walk out of the kitchen to go back to bed the door to the fridge flew open . " Although she couldn 't explain what happened , Tammy went back to bed . " The next morning my daughter again told me about tPosted by As 12 - year - old Chris Wham and his family watched construction workers build their home in St . Charles , Mo . , subdivision , everything looked fine . It was 1979 . By 1980 , Wham wasn 't so sure . " In the summer of 1979 , my family moved into its first new house , " Wham said . " Not just a new house to us , but a brand new house . In the months before the house was completed , my step - father would drive us out to it and we would watch the men work on it . " The land was once an apple orchard and sat almost empty as the house went up . " Our house was one of the first few completed on the street , " Wham said . " So I spent much of the year watching the other houses getting built and making new friends whenever kids would move in . " A year went by and Wham 's family had comfortably settled in the house . " It was towards end of summer 1980 , school had just started the week before , and I was already playing hooky , " he said . " I just didn 't want to go to school that day , so I faked a stomach ache so I could stay home . " Wham stayed in his room until his mother had to go on an errand . " Near 12 noon , my mother asked me to keep an eye on my baby brother while she ran to the store for more diapers , " he said . The round trip to the store , Wham figured , might take 15 minutes , and his little brother was sleeping , so he had time to play . " I told her I would . I 'd do anything to get her out of the house , so I could turn off her horrible soap operas , " he said . " As soon as she left I hopped into the big brown La - Z - Boy recliner that was parked in front of the TV and changed over to Channel 11 . It was now exactly noon and Green Acres was just coming on . " As he sat there , the sound of the program drifting through the living room , Wham knew he wasn 't alone . " No sooner had the theme song ended did I hear , and feel , a rapping over my left shoulder on the back of the big La - Z - Boy , " he said . " A soft thumpity thump , thumpity thump , thumpity thump . The same type of sound an impatient person might create with his fingers on a dPosted by Cool air poured through the open windows of the car as Lisa Becker and her husband pulled through their suburban Chicago neighborhood of Oak Brook one night in 1996 . Nature painted the dusk pink , orange and red , but something dark suddenly smeared the canvas . " As we approached our subdivision , we saw a large blackness in the air , " Becker said . " It was about eight feet in diameter , about 100 feet away from us , and about 30 feet in the air . It was moving in a straight line . " Her husband also saw the black figure . " It had no specific shape and its edges undulated , " she said . " As it flew closer we pulled over to watch it . It was so low that you could have hit it with a rock . " When they noticed the object , the Beckers later named the " pterodactyl , " it slowly and noiselessly crept through the sky from east to west about 50 yards from the back of their house . " It moved in a perfectly straight line as if it were on a tightrope , " she said . The couple watched the object as it sailed about 10 feet past them , 30 feet in the air , and folded in upon itself , disappearing . " It was not a vehicle , " Becker said . " The best way to describe it would be to say it looked like a very large flat stingray ( with ) no tail . It moved in a perfectly straight line , and never varied from its path . " This left the college - educated Beckers wondering what they saw . " My husband thought it was strange , but didn 't have any particular emotional response to the thing , " Becker said . " Also it didn 't seem to have any sort of depth to it . It was like looking into a very dark spot that could have blotted out anything behind it . It didn 't have any wind or exhaust in its trail . Our best thought , though entirely illogical , was that it was a rip in the space - time continuum . " Whatever the black , undulating " pterodactyl " was flying over their house , the memory has stayed with the Beckers for 13 years . " I asked myself at the time , ' how did the object make me feel ? ' " she said . " It wasn 't pleasant , maybe even slighPosted by Photo courtesy of Kim Luney of Southwest Ghost Finders from Springfield , Mo . Arcadia Valley Academy 's red brick buildings aren 't original to the campus , but they 've still been there a long time . The academy , in Ironton , Mo . , opened in 1846 as a Methodist high school and served as a Union military hospital during the Civil War . However , it is best known from its later incarnation as a Catholic girls school that ran from 1877 to 1971 . It also served as a convent for nuns of the Ursaline Order until 1985 . It has most recently been a bed and breakfast and antique mall . Most of the buildings , such as the Administration building , the Auditorium , and the Gymnasium , were built between 1907 and 1934 , and something unknown lurks in these buildings of the old Academy . Belinda Clark - Ache , founder / owner of the paranormal investigation group Haunted Missouri Paranormal Studies , heard stories of a haunting at the 200 - room academy and conducted a thorough investigation there . " We were there every month , April through October , " she said . " I used to just go up by myself and rent a room for the night . All the potential ; all the earmarks for a haunting were there . " Such as a disembodied girl 's voice that said " Lucy , " and the presence of orbs . Although orbs , small balls of light captured by digital photography , are sketchy evidence at best - they can often be explained as dust particles , insects or moisture in the air - some are more convincing . Clark - Ache 's group captured many orbs on video that were a mystery to them . " We got some interesting moving orbs , " she said . " I 'm not an orb person , but we have hours of video from the third floor hallway . One winter evening we had moving orbs up and down the hallway . We could never explain them away to our satisfaction . " Although Clark - Ache 's group found some cursory evidence the Academy is haunted , they weren 't entirely convinced . " I did an experiment the first few months . I would take ( groups of visitors ) on a walking tour of the place , " Clark - Ache said . Posted by The young couple sat across from each other as their hands joined on the planchette of a Ouija board . Tim Hess began using the board after his girlfriend moved into his Pennsylvania apartment , not realizing what it would invite . " We had been doing this almost every evening for about a month and had been talking to an entity that claimed to be a man who died at about the same age I was , " he said . " He claimed to have died in an accident . . . apparently he was working on this vehicle and it fell on him , crushing him . " Although nothing bad had happened to Hess and his girlfriend while using the Ouija board , they were still cautious . " We always used it together because we heard you should never use one alone , " he said . But one night , when Hess sat in a bar up the hill from his apartment , his girlfriend , who wasn 't yet 21 , broke the rule . " As I was walking home one evening I found a bottle jack lying along side the road and decided to take it home because I work on cars a lot , " he said . " When I walked in the door with the jack in my hand my girlfriend 's face turned white as a ghost and she was screaming at me telling me I had to get rid of the jack . " After she calmed down , she told him why . " She had been using the Ouija board while I was out , " Hess said . " She told me she had been trying to talk to our friend but he wouldn 't say anything except ' Tim ' and ' No Jack ' over and over for about 15 minutes . " Finally , after numerous requests , the board spelled out that Hess would find a jack walking home from a bar June 14 . That night was June 14 . But it 's what the entity then claimed that threw the girl into hysterics . " ( The entity said ) I would use the jack and a car would fall on me killing me , " he said . " I told her not to worry because nothing was going to happen to me . " She pleaded with him to get rid of the jack , but he refused ; it was in good condition . " I took the jack down to the basement and tried to forget what happened , " he said . " But every time I saw that jack I got a vePosted by For centuries , Shadow People - darker than night , human - shaped entities - have stalked the lives of people across the globe . But they 're becoming more common . Are encounters with these two - dimensional , looming figures on the rise , or are more people willing to talk about their experiences because they know they 're not alone ? It knockedTK first saw the Shadow Man standing in the doorway of his parents ' house . " I was laying in my bed trying to fall asleep , " TK said . " Out of nowhere a big Shadow figure , about 6 - foot , 6 - inches tall , walked in . " TK wondered about his sanity - but it was too real . " The figure began to lean into the bed and stare at me , it would then lean back and look out the window , " TK said . " It went back and forth doing this for maybe a minute or two . " Then fear draped TK . " I wasn 't sure if it was an actual person or possibly a ghost , " he said . " From a spur - of - the - moment decision I leaned forward and kicked at the figure while kind of yelling . I kicked right through it . " His parents ran into the room seconds later , and nothing was there . " I was very creeped out but I pretty much convinced myself that my mind had played a trick on me , " he said . " I soon moved out … for college and never encountered anything like it again until I came back and stayed in the same room . " At about 12 : 30 a . m . , a knocking at his door roused him from sleep . " I was sleeping on my side facing away from the door , " he said . " When I woke up to the sound , I turn around to look at the door and right next to my bed was the same Shadowy figure . " TK is convinced it was the same entity he 'd seen before . " When I saw it , it completely scared the ( crap ) out of me , " he said . " I thought for sure it was a person . I am thankful to find so many people who experienced the same Shadow People as I did . I felt a little crazy . " Red eyes in the nightJayna was four the night her eight - year - old sister saw the Shadow Man . " One night she was awake as our parents came up the stairs and she listened toPosted by " Kim Mason has edited four of my non - fiction books and the sales of all four have far exceeded my expectations . She made my best better . " - Jason Offutt All little Diane Garder wanted to do was play . As she stood in her aunt 's yard one afternoon , she noticed someone standing nearby . " When I . . . The night of terror began with a few drinks . " It was just another night out with our group of friends , " Toni said . " We had all been drinki . . . Author 's note : This is a story about a man 's encounter with Black - Eyed Kids . " Noetic " is not his name ; he asked for anonymity . Although N . . . Jason Offutt is a syndicated columnist , author , college journalism instructor , and fan of all things strange . His books include the novel , " A Funeral Story , " the parody survival book , " How to Kill Monsters Using Common Household Items , " the humorous travelogue , " Across a Corn - Swept Land , " and four books about the paranormal , " Paranormal Missouri : Show Me Your Monsters , " " What Lurks Beyond : The Paranormal In Your Backyard , " " Darkness Walks : The Shadow People Among Us , " and " Haunted Missouri : A Ghostly Guide to Missouri 's Most Spirited Spots . " All are available at www . amazon . com . |
The paranormal is often intimidating , confusing , terrifying . But strange knocks , dark entities and growls in the night aren 't always bad . The following are two stories of welcomed bumps in the night . A mother 's touchJo Ann Miller , Texas , visited her family in Independence , Mo . , in fall 2009 . She went to the cemetery where her parents are buried , and drove by the house she grew up in , the house where her mother lived for 60 years . Later , at a party , Miller watched a family DVD with pictures of her mother , father and baby pictures of her son , who died in 1995 . " After we came back to Texas I was talking on the phone to someone about how nice it was to see those old pictures and how good my mother looked , how good my son looked , and also how nice it was to see a photo of my brother - in - law , " she said . " None of them are living . " About 30 minutes later , Miller knew she was not alone in her house . " I felt a hand resting on my right shoulder , " she said . " Such a light touch . It was almost like it wasn 't touching me , but it was . " No one was there . She looked for other explanations , such as a breeze from the ceiling fan , but the fan wasn 't on . " There was no explanation , " she said . " It was just a nice feeling to have that invisible hand touching my shoulder . " She believed the touch was from her mother . The next morning she was sure of it . " I woke up in bed , rolled over , and happened to see the digital clock in our bedroom , " she said . " It had the numbers flashing that were my mother 's home address numbers exactly . I believe now that it was my mother - or an angel sent by my mother - that touched me . It isn 't something I would want to happen very often , that 's for sure . But it was a comforting presence . " The Ghost Watches Over UsWhen Krissy Mathers and her significant other moved into their Texas apartment in 2007 they knew they were not alone . " This wasn 't the first time that my partner and I had ghostly roommates , " she said . " In our previous apartments there were specters . I feJason Offutt All little Diane Garder wanted to do was play . As she stood in her aunt 's yard one afternoon , she noticed someone standing nearby . " When I was three years old I saw a shadow person , " Garder said . " It looked curiously at me as I played in the backyard of my aunt 's home . " Alone in the yard - her family was inside - she approached the shadowy figure ; it didn 't like that . " The entity looked at me and when I acknowledged it , it seemed to have feared me , " Garder said . " I chased it and said , ' Wait wait . It 's OK . Who are you ? Do you want to play ? ' As a little child I did not know yet enough that I should have been scared . " She chased this figure until it ran between two trees , through a fence and vanished . " Was this entity from a different dimension or a ghost ? " she said . " My mother had an abortion a few years before I was born and the shadow looked like it would have been the age of the older sibling if it had lived on this planet and not had been terminated during my mom 's pregnancy . Could it have been my dead brother or sister ? Till this day at the age of 26 I am in utter amazement and awe of such a being . " Children see more than adults . Invisible friends , ghosts , little people . Children often startle their parents by discussing encounters with someone whose description is similar to a grandparent the child has never met . Is it imagination , or can children tap into a part of the world adults can no longer see ? Bill Bryant was one of those children . " I saw the Hat Man when I was a kid , " he said . " My brother and I shared the same room . Maybe 30 years later I was talking to my brother about it at my mom 's house . He said he saw the same thing . " The Hat Man is an often - seen type of shadow person that wears , of all things , a fedora . " Last fall my sister was telling my mom of seeing the Hat Man , " Bryant said . " ( Mom ) remembered my story and described him to my sister before she could describe him . " Is the ability to see the paranormal something we outgrow ? Or do children experiJason Offutt The run - down apartment in Brisbane , Australia , always felt wrong to Kayla Griffiths . " Numerous friends who would visit would sometimes have to leave certain rooms or sometimes the entire apartment because of these energies , " Griffiths said . Strangeness began the first week she lived there - the apartment spoke to her and her flatmate . The voice told Griffiths to get out of bed . " Me and my original flatmate experienced a voice speaking to each of us , " Griffiths said . " To me it sounded like her , to her it sounded like me . " Griffiths walked into her flatmate 's room and found her still in bed . Neither of them had spoken . " Her face dropped , " Griffiths said . " We both knew something weird had happened but had brushed it off . " The strangeness continued , slowly at first . " Things began disappearing then showing up in places we would clearly see it , " she said . " Once I walked past the fridge and a bottle off the top of the fridge flung to the ground and smashed on the floor in front of my legs ; enough to have little cuts on my legs , but nothing serous . " The negative feeling increased slowly , too . The feeling grew stronger the longer Griffiths lived in the apartment . Hatred , anger , self - loathing . " The rage and anger we felt started off with little arguments and annoyance over small things , which we palmed off as stress , " Griffiths said . " And slowly things started getting more angry . It felt like there were constant tensions in the house . " Griffiths ' flatmate - also her best friend - became so angry she moved out . " We ended up not speaking anymore , " Griffiths said . " I had thoughts that were completely paranoid about her , thinking she was doing things to hurt me . " Then Griffiths ' boyfriend , a devout Roman Catholic , moved in , and the negative feeling in the apartment grew worse . " The anger then seemed to heighten between me and my boyfriend , starting off with big yelling matches , then throwing things , then pushing , " she said . " It became more and more violent where I would feel asJason Offutt Something was wrong with the house . Angie Kelly of New Cumberland , Pa . , and her family moved into the large Foursquare that sat over a large series of caves in the 1990s . " There was a hole in the back yard that lead down to the caves , " Kelly said . " We kept a board over the opening so kids and dogs wouldn 't fall in . " But the Kelly family had more to worry about than cave openings . " Being in the basement doing laundry , I never felt like I was completely alone , " Kelly said . " It was a strange feeling , like someone was watching me . " Whatever was watching Kelly may have been watching her toddler , too . " My son , Ryan , was also exhibiting very strange behavior , " Kelly said . Ryan began slamming himself against the safety rails on his bed and tried to throw himself through the house 's large front window . " At one point ( he ) attempted to throw himself down the stairs , " she said . " This was a frightening thought . " Then things started happening in Ryan 's room . " A horrible odor filled my son 's room , and just his room , " Kelly said . " Before too long , his room was overrun with flies . They were all over the windows , ala ' Amityville Horror . ' " Kelly couldn 't get rid of the smell or the flies . " They seemed to have no desire to leave his room , " she said . " The odor seemed to emanate from his closet and I had to remove his clothes so they wouldn 't stink . " Finally , Kelly turned to religion . " We never did figure out what the smell and the flies were all about , but after hanging a cross in his room , the smell left and the flies disappeared , " Kelly said . The Kellys finally moved away from whatever lurked in that house . " The house also got hit by lightning while I was living there , " Kelly said . " It was a very weird year that I lived there , just one strange thing after another . It was kind of a relief to move out . The entire experience in that house was very bizarre . " But whatever was in the house may have followed them . " In the mid - 1990s , I lived in a rented duplex , " she said . " It waPosted by Leanne Smith couldn 't explain her panic . Smith carpooled to work in Deale , Md . , in 1999 when one night her driver stopped at a small grocery store , leaving Smith in the pickup alone . " We parked at the edge of the parking lot with the store entrance and lot behind us , " Smith said . " We had worked late and it was well after dusk . " Smith relaxed as she sat in the truck , watching cars going through the intersection , waiting for the driver to come back . " I make note of my emotions because in this peaceful , relaxed state , I was hit with an unbelievably strong sense of fear or danger , " she said . " There was no rational explanation for this intense fear and I was able to be objective . It was really strange to me , feeling this fear all of a sudden . " Realizing she was slipping into a panic attack , Smith tried to figure out what might have triggered this immediate overwhelming terror . " The fear or sense of danger didn 't increase or become more intense , " Smith said . " The ( initial ) intensity was extraordinary . " Then she noticed a possible trigger for her fear ; a group of about 10 young men who were " roughhousing " in the parking lot behind her . Smith leaned closer to the passenger side mirror to watch them . " A couple of them sounded drunk and it sounded as though it was possible a fight might be brewing , " she said . " I went to move the rear - view mirror to get a better view and saw something out of the corner of my eye . " From the passenger seat , Smith slowly looked to her left , and found the cause for her terror . " I looked over at the driver 's window and there , facing me , was a woman looking in at me , " she said . " Not just glancing in , she had her shoulders square to the driver 's door of the pickup , standing about a foot and a half away from the window , which was closed . " The appearance of the woman rammed the intense fear deeper into Smith . " My heart shot to my throat and I couldn 't move , " she said . " I just looked at her and she at me . " Although the harsh shadows cast by the yellowPosted by Author 's note : This is the second of a two - part story of Bigfoot encounters in Southeast Missouri . Ken Mattheis had a flat tire . He and his cousin Jim had ridden their bicycles into Leasburg , a rural Southeast Missouri town , and now couldn 't get home - so they called Grandpa . " My grandpa was in his 90s and he drove really slow , " Mattheis said . As his grandfather puttered down Route H , Mattheis and his cousin , sitting in the bed of the pickup , saw a man walking in a field . " I saw what looked like a large man in a light brown winter coat in coveralls with a hood up walking in a field , " he said . " It was all light brown , the hair , face and hands was like the color of hay . " The man was large and swung his arms like a cross - country skier . " We got closer and I realized it was a Bigfoot , " Mattheis said . " The hair on top of the head was long and it went straight up and looked really strange like a Conehead . " The boys sat in the truck , staring at the Bigfoot as their grandfather motored by . The thing never looked at the truck . It just kept walking until it reached the woods . The boys didn 't say anything to their grandfather , who didn 't see the brown man walking in the field . Mattheis had a more personal experience a few years later . " I had a truck and was with several of my cousins and his friends and we had nothing to do so I decided to go drive them into the woods that night and go listen for the panther screams , " he said . " We drove into the woods and parked , and I think four or five kids were in back of this truck . " After a few minutes of silence , the teens heard something large walking toward them through the woods . " We could hear something large in the woods coming towards us breaking limbs and breathing really loud in and out as if it had breathing problems , " he said . " The kids freaked and wanted to leave , but I said , ' no , lets see what 's coming . ' I 'd like to know what the hell is making all that noise . " The breathing thing circled the truck , breaking tree limbs and throwing Posted by Author 's note : This is the first of a two - part story of Bigfoot encounters in Southeast Missouri . Darkness engulfed the Southeast Missouri farmhouse , the air still in the January night . Ken Mattheis knelt behind his parent 's house working , meager light illuminating a generator , the only sign of electricity for miles . " A few years ago the power went at my parents farm house and I went out to help them set up a generator for the first time , " he said . He 'd left a tool in the van , so he walked into the darkness to retrieve it . " It was a cold , pitch black night , " he said . " I heard footsteps on the ice - covered grass . " He thought it was his father outside with him , but when a tree branch snap , he knew it wasn 't his father . " I heard crunch , crunch , then limbs started breaking and falling , " he said . " I turned to see what was causing the limbs to break and saw this large black shadow standing up under a tree behind me . " The figure knocked down more limbs , then stopped . " It stood still as if it was waiting for me to do something , " he said . " I thought , ' crap , you 're not my dad . ' So , calmly I walked away from it . " Mattheis backed inside the farmhouse . " My dad was inside the house , " he said . " I told him , ' we have a visitor , ' and he said , ' Who ? ' I said , ' a Bigfoot . ' " They looked out the window , but what Mattheis had seen was gone . It would be back . A few months later , Mattheis ' mother saw something strange , and telephoned him . " She said , ' well the other night the dog was barking out by the fence and I went out to see what it was barking at and this large black shadow stood up and walked off into the woods , ' " Mattheis said . " Now my mom says the dogs are afraid to go outside at night . " Mattheis went to the spot the next day and found large footprints in the grass . The heel of the foot had pressed deeper than the rest , the curve of the arch almost invisible . " I have photos of the tracks , " he said . " Not great photos , but its big feet . Should have made casts of thPosted by Have you ever heard your name spoken in an empty house ? Or a loved one calling to you from another room , only to find no one is in that room - at least no one you can see ? Ryan Straub wants to talk with you . Straub , founder of the Missouri paranormal group Tir Firnath ( which means , " to observe the dead " in Tolkien elvish . ) , is researching these talking spirits for an upcoming book - and he 's no stranger to spirits that take notice of the living . When a car accident injured a then 16 - year - old Straub , it awoke something in him that had , until that point , lain dormant . " I was hurt really bad , " Straub , now 25 , said . " Then I started seeing things , even that night . Spirits . " As he saw more and more people - dead people - no one around him could see , he set out to find out what he was experiencing . " That 's what 's sparked my interested in the paranormal , " he said . " I 've dedicated my life to it . Since then I 've been indulging myself in research . " Straub 's group has investigated spots in Idaho , Illinois , Missouri and Oklahoma , and specializes in hauntings . Straub hopes the research for his book will help others who have experienced these talking spirits . Straub is looking for the following encounters : - Calls by name : the spirit or ghost calls out the name of the intended victim . - Calls for help or assistance : the spirit or ghost claims to need some kind of aid . - Lured by unnatural sensory phenomenon : the ghost or spirit tries to draw victims to them through unnatural means in unlikely places ; for example , appearing as a beautiful woman , making noise that attracts people , like playing , screaming or screeching , or smells like cooking or perfume . - Mimics , impersonates or recreates : the ghost or spirit mimics your voice , impersonates loved ones , recreates conversations , or appears as you or someone you know . - Calls by control : hypnosis or possession . - Lures by irrational response : the ghost or spirit causes fear , anger , or an anxiety to make you want to lash out . Had any of these encounters ? Posted by The thing in five - year - old Dan Mitchell 's bedroom in southeastern Wisconsin only came at night . As Mitchell lie in bed , his parents far down the hall , a thin , androgynous creature would appear and tell him stories . It looked almost frightened . " I would tell my mom about this and she always thought it was just my imagination getting the best of me , " Mitchell , now 33 , said . But he knew it was real , and it looked " like a harlequin . " " Its clothes were absolutely motley and strange , " Mitchell said . " Its face looked like it was in a perpetual state of shock . " Large , wide - open eyes - too large to be human eyes - stared at Mitchell through the gray of night as words spilled through its always open , round mouth . " This being referred to itself as the ' tooth fairy ' when I had asked , " Mitchell said . " For whatever reason I was never afraid of it , and I can not remember anything it may have told me . " It did , however , appear to try and comfort the boy if he began to look afraid . " It always attempted to be funny and almost clown - like so that I wouldn 't shudder in terror , " Mitchell said . " Was this some sort of imaginary friend I had created ? I wasn 't that kind of kid . " Mitchell 's family never saw this " Harlequin , " nor did they believe him . " I know this sounds crazy , but I assure you that I remember this high strangeness almost as well as I remember the normal events of my childhood , " he said . Like one night in the spring of 1981 when the Mitchell family sat down for dinner . " I remember that my dad was very agitated , " Mitchell said . " He kept saying that he was hearing somebody walking around upstairs . I was terrified by this because my Dad was so agitated and I had never seen him scared like that . He was a very tough guy . " Then Mitchell 's father shot up from the dinner table , terror splashed across his face . " Immediately there was a voice that he heard coming from upstairs , " Mitchell said . " While I want to say that it sounded like a sinister and terrifying laugh , I believePosted by The young man lived in a rental house a few doors from the home where H . W . * grew up in southern Brazil . A few years later , the young man moved out , a husband and wife moved in . Although these people didn 't , and don 't , know one another , they had something in common - they knew something dark often walked the halls of that house . " The male was a young lawyer starting out , while the female was an architect / homemaker , " H . W . said . " They both knocked on my mother 's door a bit distraught . " There were years between the knocks - one in the mid - 1990s , the other in early 2000 , but the people behind the knocks told the same story . " They described how a dark shadow wearing a fedora hat would frequently walk by them and disappear through the walls , " H . W . said . " Both residents described the black Shadow figure as being in the shape of an old man . " This Shadow figure , a paranormal entity called the Hat Man , is usually an ominous figure . People often report feeling the entity is somehow feeding from their fear . However , H . W . doesn 't think this Hat Man was threatening . " As far as I know , the Hat Man wasn 't a menace to them , " H . W . said . " He would just walk by and go right through the walls , in a silent manner , without ever acknowledging their presence . " The witnesses came to H . W . 's mother 's door , he feels , because she was the oldest person living on the street . As such , she knew the person who built the house . The man , who died in the late 1950s , often wore a fedora , although that style was common in Brazil at the time . " It was customary for Brazilians to wear those hats up to mid - ' 60s , as their style was highly influenced by Hollywood , " H . W . said . " My late father used to wear those hats as any young professional . " These shadowy , fedora - wearing figures have been reported worldwide , from North America to Europe , South Africa and Australia . Although Hollywood 's images are far - reaching , the presence of this entity on multiple continents has H . W . curious . " It 's an intriguing story indeed , Posted by The children looked out of place in the night . Craig Besand walked down the street toward his flat in Norwich , England , when two figures approached him . " They appeared to be young boys , " Besand said . " One was about 13 years old , the other one was about nine . " At the time Besand , a Missourian , was studying abroad at the University of East Anglia in Norwich . " I ( 'd been ) at a friend 's house having a few drinks until the late hours , " he said . " My friend asked me if I was all right to walk back to my flat and if I wanted I could crash on his couch . I told him I would be all right , I just wanted to get home and go to bed . It was after 1 in the morning . " Between Besand 's flat and his friend 's flat was a cemetery - that 's where he saw the children . " My friend lives up the street from a very old cemetery on Dereham Road , " Besand said . " I walk past this cemetery every time I go to his house . " He 'd made it a few blocks when he saw two figures approach him . " They were both wearing hoodies , sneakers ; typical kid stuff , " Besand said . " The older one said that they were trying to find the graveyard and that they were lost . " Then the boy asked Besand , " could you please take us there ? " The age of the children and the late night struck Besand as strange . " I figured it was odd that young kids were hanging out in graveyards at this time of night , " he said . " But kids are into whatever so I agreed to take them there . They asked me very politely and the cemetery was on my way home anyway . " As Besand escorted the boys toward the cemetery , he looked at them closer . The oldest boy 's hair was jet black , " his skin was porcelain white and veiny . " Then Besand saw the eyes . " They both had eyes that were as dark as coal , no sign of white , " Besand said . " The eyes were the most distinct features , it was like they had no souls or nothing inside of them . " He asked these Black - Eyed Children where they lived . They named a nearby street . " I thought that was strange because this cemetery is hPosted by On a quiet country road west of Freeman , Mo . , past railroad tracks and between two hills , almost throwing distance from the Kansas state line , sits a flat spot in the gravel . Some locals , like Kylie Guier of Freeman , claim that if you stop on that spot and put your vehicle in neutral , the car will start moving , sometimes up to 25 miles per hour . People say gravity doesn 't work there . " Everybody calls it Gravity Hill , " Guier said . " It 's out on this gravel road in the middle of nowhere . I don 't know anyone who 's an expert on it . Everyone just knows it 's there . " Guier 's been to Gravity Hill a number of times , as have most area people she knows , and , " I 've never known anybody it hasn 't worked for . " It didn 't work for Jake Koehn of nearby Adrian , Mo . " ( My friends and I ) went there around 6 p . m . during the summer , so plenty of daylight , " he said . " We parked at the bottom of the hill , put the truck in neutral and did not see much for a result . After about 10 minutes , we gave up on it and left . " He may have given up too soon . Urban legend has it if you sprinkle flour or gravel dust on the trunk of the car , drivers will later find child - sized handprints in the dust . I 'm so there . I pulled my minivan onto 299th Street ( much too gravelly and rural to be called a street ) from Route D in Cass County on a clear September afternoon . Sure I was in a minivan , not the Mystery Machine , but I think a minivan 's what the Scooby gang drove when they grew up . The lane leading to Gravity Hill is surrounded by wavy pastureland , the occasional pond and patches of sunflowers breaking the swaths of green . Over the railroad tracks and up two hills - according to many listings on the Internet - you 're supposed to drive to the end of the lane , turn around and come to rest at the bottom . Then the magic happens . Many people who 've been to Gravity Hill claim the moving car phenomenon is an optical illusion and , as I parked the minivan at a spot between hills that looked flat , I found it wasn 't . The level I Posted by The quiet , hidden cemetery in Chariton County , Mo . , sits at the end of a slice of gravel snaking into hills . A dark roof of trees turns the long stretch of rocks and dirt into a leafy tunnel . Ryan Straub , founder of the Missouri - based ghost hunting group Tir Firnath , has often visited the cemetery and experienced strange things . However , nothing has disturbed him as much as what he and fellow Tir Firnath member Mike Haurcade saw standing on that gravel road . " Mike and I we were leaving one day , " Straub said . " As we were leaving , we were in the middle of the hills and we saw a very large dog in the road . It stood up on its hind legs and left the road . " Straub and Haurcade froze as the beast walked on two legs into the thick trees . Werewolves , in various forms , have existed in many cultures across the world . From the Medieval European werewolf that dominates horror movies , to American Indian skinwalkers , the image of a man changing into a beast has terrified people for centuries . But , sitting safely in a cozy house , watching television , the werewolf stalking the night is nothing but legend . " It was chasing after us , " Davis said . " It was running along the wall toward me and I just turned and ran , I didn 't think to look back . " The teens never saw the thing again , although something about the encounter still confuses Davis . " It was in the middle of town , " he said . " That 's what always gets me about that thing . Not out in the woods or at a secluded cabin , but in Tempe , Ariz . " " I call it ' manlike , ' because of its size and hands , " Williams said . " They looked like human hands except for the fingers were really long , clawed and covered in fur . Richard thought it was a werewolf or something . " Got a scary story ? Ever played with a Ouija board , heard voices , seen a ghost , UFO or a creature you couldn 't identify ? Let Jason know about it : Jason Offutt , P . O . Box 501 , Maryville , Mo . , 64468 , or jasonoffutt @ hotmail . com . Your story might make an upcoming installment of " From the Shadows . " Author 's note : This is the second of a two - part series about the Torres family who , after moving into their new home , discovered something was already there . Pouring through the stacks of memories her home 's previous occupants left behind , Sammy Torres unmasked the spirit of a young Hispanic girl that sits on her son 's bed . " One day as I was looking through the photo albums left by the previous owners I saw a newspaper clipping about a car accident , " she said . " It told about a Hispanic family who had been in an accident in which the father and the 12 - year - old daughter had been killed . " A memorial card , Torres presumed had been passed out at a funeral , showed a picture of the girl with long braided hair . " There were also several pictures of her at different times in her life , " she said . " There were school pictures , pictures from birthday parties and Christmas and pictures of a laughing young girl splashing in a swimming pool and many family photos . " It was the same girl she had seen that first day in the home , and the same girl who sat on her son 's bed . And , she later found , the spirit of the little girl wasn 't alone . " Recently , I was awakened by the feeling of someone staring at me and when I opened my eyes there standing beside the bed was an old woman , " Sammy said . " She was wearing a dress that looked like it was from the late 1800s to the early 1900s . " The dress was long and black with a high collar and puffy sleeves . The top of the dress had buttons on the front and the apparition wore a cameo brooch at the throat of her dress . It 's hair was gray and pulled into a bun . " She looked very stern , " Sammy said . " I lay there looking at her for a few seconds and then she was gone . She just disappeared . We have seen her several times since then and always in the bedroom . And we always smell stale cigarette smoke right before she appears . " But the apparitions don 't appear singularly . Sammy has at least felt them both in the room at the same time . Sammy was lying in bed one day when tPosted by Author 's note : This is the first of a two - part series about the Torres family who , after moving into their new home , discovered something was already there . When Sammy Torres and her family moved into the mobile home in 2004 , they knew something was wrong . The former tenants had left in a hurry . " The people who had owned it before had just up and left without taking any of their belongings , " she said . " They left their furniture , their appliances , photo albums with baby pictures and other family photos . They didn 't even take their clothes . I have tried to find anyone who may have known the people that lived here before to see if anyone knew anything about them or the reason they fled as they did . " Neighbors don 't seem to know . Unpacking boxes the first night Torres ' family stayed in the home , Sammy saw something she couldn 't explain . " I was sitting on the floor in front of the television unpacking a box of DVDs and videos and putting them away , " she said . " The television was off and I saw on the blank screen a young girl with very long braided hair walk behind me from the direction of the bedroom towards the kitchen . " Thinking it was her youngest daughter going into the kitchen , she kept unpacking the box - then she realized the girl never left the kitchen . She looked in the kitchen ; no one was there . " I got up from the floor and went to check on my daughter but when I poked my head inside her bedroom she was fast asleep , " Sammy said . " I thought maybe I had been so engrossed in what I was doing that I didn 't see her go back by . " Then , day after day , strange things began to work their way into the Torres family 's life and Sammy began to realize it hadn 't been her daughter she 'd seen in the television screen that first day - something was in her house . " Things began to happen pretty regular , " Sammy said . The cabinet under the bathroom sink randomly opened and slammed shut when no one was around , Sammy heard footsteps in the hallway when no one else was home , and everyone hearPosted by The house in Ducor , Calif . , seemed perfect . Four bedrooms , two bathrooms and enough acreage for Tammy 's horses , cats and dogs . It was also near family . " In 1996 , my three daughters and I moved here from Texas , " she said . " My husband had passed away recently and we needed to be near family . " And the rent , Tammy had found anywhere from $ 600 to $ 1 , 500 a month for something of that size , was only $ 350 in Ducor . " I couldn 't believe my good luck , " she said . But she soon found the reason the rent was so cheap - it was haunted . " One of the first things we noticed was the wallpaper in the bedrooms , " she said . " One of the rooms had wallpaper that made it look like a padded cell . It literally looked like it had mattresses stuck around the room . The next room had barbed wire wallpaper around it , but the best was yet to come . " The ceiling in the master bedroom was black , surrounded by dark purple walls . Tammy later wondered if the house had decided the decor for the former occupants . The first night in the house seemed quiet , but Tammy 's middle daughter sent terror through Tammy over breakfast . " ( She ) told me that she had seen the shadow of a man kind of float past her bedroom window , " Tammy said . " I thought she meant outside the window but she said that , ' no , he was in her room . ' " Tammy hired men to install alarms around the house and yard the same day . But that night , when something invaded the rooms of Tammy and her daughter , the alarms didn 't go off . " I woke up feeling as though something or someone had sat down on the edge of my bed , " she said . " But when I opened my eyes no one was there so I thought I was dreaming . " Then the water faucet in the kitchen came on . " I went to see if one of the kids was up getting a drink of water but no one was there , " she said . " As I started to walk out of the kitchen to go back to bed the door to the fridge flew open . " Although she couldn 't explain what happened , Tammy went back to bed . " The next morning my daughter again told me about tPosted by As 12 - year - old Chris Wham and his family watched construction workers build their home in St . Charles , Mo . , subdivision , everything looked fine . It was 1979 . By 1980 , Wham wasn 't so sure . " In the summer of 1979 , my family moved into its first new house , " Wham said . " Not just a new house to us , but a brand new house . In the months before the house was completed , my step - father would drive us out to it and we would watch the men work on it . " The land was once an apple orchard and sat almost empty as the house went up . " Our house was one of the first few completed on the street , " Wham said . " So I spent much of the year watching the other houses getting built and making new friends whenever kids would move in . " A year went by and Wham 's family had comfortably settled in the house . " It was towards end of summer 1980 , school had just started the week before , and I was already playing hooky , " he said . " I just didn 't want to go to school that day , so I faked a stomach ache so I could stay home . " Wham stayed in his room until his mother had to go on an errand . " Near 12 noon , my mother asked me to keep an eye on my baby brother while she ran to the store for more diapers , " he said . The round trip to the store , Wham figured , might take 15 minutes , and his little brother was sleeping , so he had time to play . " I told her I would . I 'd do anything to get her out of the house , so I could turn off her horrible soap operas , " he said . " As soon as she left I hopped into the big brown La - Z - Boy recliner that was parked in front of the TV and changed over to Channel 11 . It was now exactly noon and Green Acres was just coming on . " As he sat there , the sound of the program drifting through the living room , Wham knew he wasn 't alone . " No sooner had the theme song ended did I hear , and feel , a rapping over my left shoulder on the back of the big La - Z - Boy , " he said . " A soft thumpity thump , thumpity thump , thumpity thump . The same type of sound an impatient person might create with his fingers on a dPosted by Cool air poured through the open windows of the car as Lisa Becker and her husband pulled through their suburban Chicago neighborhood of Oak Brook one night in 1996 . Nature painted the dusk pink , orange and red , but something dark suddenly smeared the canvas . " As we approached our subdivision , we saw a large blackness in the air , " Becker said . " It was about eight feet in diameter , about 100 feet away from us , and about 30 feet in the air . It was moving in a straight line . " Her husband also saw the black figure . " It had no specific shape and its edges undulated , " she said . " As it flew closer we pulled over to watch it . It was so low that you could have hit it with a rock . " When they noticed the object , the Beckers later named the " pterodactyl , " it slowly and noiselessly crept through the sky from east to west about 50 yards from the back of their house . " It moved in a perfectly straight line as if it were on a tightrope , " she said . The couple watched the object as it sailed about 10 feet past them , 30 feet in the air , and folded in upon itself , disappearing . " It was not a vehicle , " Becker said . " The best way to describe it would be to say it looked like a very large flat stingray ( with ) no tail . It moved in a perfectly straight line , and never varied from its path . " This left the college - educated Beckers wondering what they saw . " My husband thought it was strange , but didn 't have any particular emotional response to the thing , " Becker said . " Also it didn 't seem to have any sort of depth to it . It was like looking into a very dark spot that could have blotted out anything behind it . It didn 't have any wind or exhaust in its trail . Our best thought , though entirely illogical , was that it was a rip in the space - time continuum . " Whatever the black , undulating " pterodactyl " was flying over their house , the memory has stayed with the Beckers for 13 years . " I asked myself at the time , ' how did the object make me feel ? ' " she said . " It wasn 't pleasant , maybe even slighPosted by Photo courtesy of Kim Luney of Southwest Ghost Finders from Springfield , Mo . Arcadia Valley Academy 's red brick buildings aren 't original to the campus , but they 've still been there a long time . The academy , in Ironton , Mo . , opened in 1846 as a Methodist high school and served as a Union military hospital during the Civil War . However , it is best known from its later incarnation as a Catholic girls school that ran from 1877 to 1971 . It also served as a convent for nuns of the Ursaline Order until 1985 . It has most recently been a bed and breakfast and antique mall . Most of the buildings , such as the Administration building , the Auditorium , and the Gymnasium , were built between 1907 and 1934 , and something unknown lurks in these buildings of the old Academy . Belinda Clark - Ache , founder / owner of the paranormal investigation group Haunted Missouri Paranormal Studies , heard stories of a haunting at the 200 - room academy and conducted a thorough investigation there . " We were there every month , April through October , " she said . " I used to just go up by myself and rent a room for the night . All the potential ; all the earmarks for a haunting were there . " Such as a disembodied girl 's voice that said " Lucy , " and the presence of orbs . Although orbs , small balls of light captured by digital photography , are sketchy evidence at best - they can often be explained as dust particles , insects or moisture in the air - some are more convincing . Clark - Ache 's group captured many orbs on video that were a mystery to them . " We got some interesting moving orbs , " she said . " I 'm not an orb person , but we have hours of video from the third floor hallway . One winter evening we had moving orbs up and down the hallway . We could never explain them away to our satisfaction . " Although Clark - Ache 's group found some cursory evidence the Academy is haunted , they weren 't entirely convinced . " I did an experiment the first few months . I would take ( groups of visitors ) on a walking tour of the place , " Clark - Ache said . Posted by The young couple sat across from each other as their hands joined on the planchette of a Ouija board . Tim Hess began using the board after his girlfriend moved into his Pennsylvania apartment , not realizing what it would invite . " We had been doing this almost every evening for about a month and had been talking to an entity that claimed to be a man who died at about the same age I was , " he said . " He claimed to have died in an accident . . . apparently he was working on this vehicle and it fell on him , crushing him . " Although nothing bad had happened to Hess and his girlfriend while using the Ouija board , they were still cautious . " We always used it together because we heard you should never use one alone , " he said . But one night , when Hess sat in a bar up the hill from his apartment , his girlfriend , who wasn 't yet 21 , broke the rule . " As I was walking home one evening I found a bottle jack lying along side the road and decided to take it home because I work on cars a lot , " he said . " When I walked in the door with the jack in my hand my girlfriend 's face turned white as a ghost and she was screaming at me telling me I had to get rid of the jack . " After she calmed down , she told him why . " She had been using the Ouija board while I was out , " Hess said . " She told me she had been trying to talk to our friend but he wouldn 't say anything except ' Tim ' and ' No Jack ' over and over for about 15 minutes . " Finally , after numerous requests , the board spelled out that Hess would find a jack walking home from a bar June 14 . That night was June 14 . But it 's what the entity then claimed that threw the girl into hysterics . " ( The entity said ) I would use the jack and a car would fall on me killing me , " he said . " I told her not to worry because nothing was going to happen to me . " She pleaded with him to get rid of the jack , but he refused ; it was in good condition . " I took the jack down to the basement and tried to forget what happened , " he said . " But every time I saw that jack I got a vePosted by For centuries , Shadow People - darker than night , human - shaped entities - have stalked the lives of people across the globe . But they 're becoming more common . Are encounters with these two - dimensional , looming figures on the rise , or are more people willing to talk about their experiences because they know they 're not alone ? It knockedTK first saw the Shadow Man standing in the doorway of his parents ' house . " I was laying in my bed trying to fall asleep , " TK said . " Out of nowhere a big Shadow figure , about 6 - foot , 6 - inches tall , walked in . " TK wondered about his sanity - but it was too real . " The figure began to lean into the bed and stare at me , it would then lean back and look out the window , " TK said . " It went back and forth doing this for maybe a minute or two . " Then fear draped TK . " I wasn 't sure if it was an actual person or possibly a ghost , " he said . " From a spur - of - the - moment decision I leaned forward and kicked at the figure while kind of yelling . I kicked right through it . " His parents ran into the room seconds later , and nothing was there . " I was very creeped out but I pretty much convinced myself that my mind had played a trick on me , " he said . " I soon moved out … for college and never encountered anything like it again until I came back and stayed in the same room . " At about 12 : 30 a . m . , a knocking at his door roused him from sleep . " I was sleeping on my side facing away from the door , " he said . " When I woke up to the sound , I turn around to look at the door and right next to my bed was the same Shadowy figure . " TK is convinced it was the same entity he 'd seen before . " When I saw it , it completely scared the ( crap ) out of me , " he said . " I thought for sure it was a person . I am thankful to find so many people who experienced the same Shadow People as I did . I felt a little crazy . " Red eyes in the nightJayna was four the night her eight - year - old sister saw the Shadow Man . " One night she was awake as our parents came up the stairs and she listened toPosted by " Kim Mason has edited four of my non - fiction books and the sales of all four have far exceeded my expectations . She made my best better . " - Jason Offutt All little Diane Garder wanted to do was play . As she stood in her aunt 's yard one afternoon , she noticed someone standing nearby . " When I . . . The night of terror began with a few drinks . " It was just another night out with our group of friends , " Toni said . " We had all been drinki . . . Author 's note : This is a story about a man 's encounter with Black - Eyed Kids . " Noetic " is not his name ; he asked for anonymity . Although N . . . Jason Offutt is a syndicated columnist , author , college journalism instructor , and fan of all things strange . His books include the novel , " A Funeral Story , " the parody survival book , " How to Kill Monsters Using Common Household Items , " the humorous travelogue , " Across a Corn - Swept Land , " and four books about the paranormal , " Paranormal Missouri : Show Me Your Monsters , " " What Lurks Beyond : The Paranormal In Your Backyard , " " Darkness Walks : The Shadow People Among Us , " and " Haunted Missouri : A Ghostly Guide to Missouri 's Most Spirited Spots . " All are available at www . amazon . com . |
The young man couldn 't help but wonder , " Does God still speak to people ? " After service he went out with some friends for coffee and pie and they discussed the message . Several different ones talked about how God had led them in different ways . It was about ten o ' clock when the young man started driving home . Sitting in his car as he drove through the town at night , he just began to pray , " God , if you still speak to people , speak to me . I will listen . I will do my best to obey . " As he drove down the main street of his town , he had the strangest thought to stop and buy a gallon of milk . He shook his head and said out loud , " God is that you ? " He didn 't get a reply , so he started on toward home . But again , the thought came to him … buy a gallon of milk . The young man thought about Samuel , and how he didn 't recognize the voice of God , and how little Samuel ran to Eli . " Okay , God , in case that is you , I will buy the milk . " It didn 't seem like too hard a test of obedience . He could always use the milk . So , he stopped and purchased the gallon of milk and started toward home . As he passed Seventh Street , he again felt the urge , " Turn down that street . " This is crazy , he thought , and drove on past the intersection . Again , he felt that he should turn down Seventh Street . At the next intersection , he turned back and headed down Seventh . Half jokingly , he said out loud , " Okay , God , I will " . He drove several blocks , when suddenly , he felt like he should stop . He pulled over to the curb and looked around . He was in a semi - commercial area of town . It wasn 't the best , but it wasn 't the worst of neighborhoods either . The businesses were closed and most of the houses looked dark , like people were already in bed . Again , he sensed something , " Go and give the milk to the people in the house across the street . " The young man looked at the house . It was dark and it looked like the people were either gone or they were already asleep . He started to open the door and then sat back in the car seat . " Lord , this is insane . Those people are asleep and if I wake them up , they are going to be mad and I will look stupid . " Again , he felt like he should go and give the milk . Finally , he opened the door and said , " Okay God , if this is you , I will go to the door and I will give them the milk . If you want me to look like a crazy person , okay . I want to be obedient . I guess that will count for something but , if they don 't answer right away , I am out of here . " He walked across the street and rang the bell . He could hear some noise inside . A man 's voice yelled out , " Who is it ? What do you want ? " Then the door opened before the young man could get away . The man was standing there in his jeans and T - shirt . He looked like he just got out of bed . He had a strange look on his face and he didn 't seem too happy to have some stranger standing on his doorstep . The young man thrust out the gallon of milk and said , " Here , I brought this to you , " he said . The man took the milk and rushed down a hallway speaking loudly in Spanish . Then from down the hall came a woman carrying the milk toward the kitchen . The man was following her holding a baby . The baby was crying . The man had tears streaming down his face . The man began speaking and half crying , " We were just praying . We had some big bills this month and we ran out of money . We didn 't have any milk for our baby . I was just praying and asking God to show me how to get some milk . " His wife in the kitchen yelled out , " I ask him to send an angel with some . Are you an Angel ? " The young man reached into his wallet and pulled out all the money he had on him and put it in the man 's hand . Then he turned and walked back toward his car and tears were streaming down his face . He knew then that God does still speak to people … and answers prayers . It was an unusually cold day for the month of May . Spring had arrived and everything was alive with color . But a cold front from the North had brought winter 's chill back to Indiana . I sat , with two friends , in the picture window of a quaint restaurant just off the corner of the towns - square . The food and the company were both especially good that day . As we talked , my attention was drawn outside , across the street . There , walking into town , was a man who appeared to be carrying all his worldly goods on his back . He was carrying , a well - worn sign that read , " I will work for food . " My heart sank . I brought him to the attention of my friends and noticed that others around us had stopped eating to focus on him . Heads moved in a mixture of sadness and disbelief . We continued with our meal , but his image lingered in my mind . We finished our meal and went our separate ways . I had errands to do and quickly set out to accomplish them . I glanced toward the town square , looking somewhat halfheartedly for the strange visitor . I was fearful , knowing that seeing him again would call some response . I drove through town and saw nothing of him . I made some purchases at a store and got back in my car . Deep within me , the Spirit of God kept speaking to me : " Don 't go back to the office until you 've at least driven once more around the square . " And so , with some hesitancy , I headed back into town . As I turned the square 's third corner . I saw him . He was standing on the steps of the storefront church , going through his sack . I stopped and looked , feeling both compelled to speak to him , yet wanting to drive on . The empty parking space on the corner seemed to be a sign from God : an invitation to park . I pulled in , got out and approached the town 's newest visitor . " Looking for the pastor ? " I asked . " Not really , " he replied , " just resting . " I knew I had met someone unusual . We sat across from each other in the same restaurant I had left earlier . His face was weathered slightly beyond his 38 years . His eyes were dark yet clear , and he spoke with an eloquence and articulation that was startling . He removed his jacket to reveal a bright red T - shirt that said , " Jesus is The Never Ending Story . " Then Daniel 's story began to unfold . He had seen rough times early in life . He 'd made some wrong choices and reaped the consequences . Fourteen years earlier , while backpacking across the country , he had stopped on the beach in Daytona . He tried to hire on with some men who were putting up a large tent and some equipment . A concert , he thought . He was hired , but the tent would not house a concert but revival services , and in those services he saw life more clearly . I sat amazed . My homeless friend was not homeless . He was on a mission and lived this way by choice . The question burned inside for a moment and then I asked : " What 's it like ? " My concept was changing , too . We finished our dessert and gathered his things . Just outside the door , he paused . He turned to me and said , " Come , Ye blessed of my Father , and inherit the kingdom I 've prepared for you . For when I was hungry you gave me food , when I was thirsty you gave me drink , a stranger and you took me in . " He said he preferred a certain translation . It traveled well and was not too heavy . It was also his personal favorite . " I 've read through it 14 times , " he said . " I 'm not sure we 've got one of those , but let 's stop by our church and see . " " No , I just figure I should go there . I figure someone under that star right there needs a Bible , so that 's where I 'm going next . " He smiled , and the warmth of his spirit radiated the sincerity of his mission . I wrote in his little book that his commitment to his calling had touched my life . I encouraged him to stay strong . And I left him with a verse of scripture from Jeremiah , " I know the plans I have for you , " declared the Lord , " plans to prosper you and not to harm you . Plans to give you a future and a hope . " He began his journey again . He headed away with his sign dangling from his bed roll and pack of Bibles . He stopped , turned and said , " When you see something that makes you think of me , will you pray for me ? " " God bless . " And that was the last I saw of him . Late that evening as I left my office , the wind blew strong . The cold front had settled hard upon the town . I bundled up and hurried to my car . As I sat back and reached for the emergency brake , I saw them … a pair of well - worn brown work gloves neatly laid over the length of the handle . I picked them up and thought of my friend and wondered if his hands would stay warm that night without them . I remembered his words : " If you see something that makes you think of me , will you pray for me ? " Tess was a precocious eight year old when she heard her Mom and Dad talking about her little brother , Andrew . All she knew was that he was very sick and that they were completely out of money . They were moving to an apartment complex next month because Daddy didn 't have the money for the doctor bills and their house . Tess went to her bedroom and pulled a glass jelly jar from its hiding place in the closet . She poured all of the change out on the floor and counted it carefully . Three times , even . The total had to be exactly perfect . No chance here for mistakes . Carefully placing the coins back in the jar and twisting on the cap , she slipped out the back door and made her way 6 blocks to Rexall 's Drug Store with the big red Indian Chief sign above the door . She waited patiently for the pharmacist to give her some attention but he was too busy at the moment . Tess twisted her feet to make a scuffing noise . Nothing . She cleared her throat with the most disgusting sound she could muster . No good . Finally she took a quarter from her jar and banged it on the glass counter . That did it ! " Listen , I have the money to pay for it . If it isn 't enough , I will get the rest . Just tell me how much it costs . " " I don 't know , " Tess replied with her eyes welling up . " I just know he 's really sick and Mommy says he needs an operation . But , my Daddy can 't pay for it , so I want to use my money . " " Well , what a coincidence , " smiled the man . " A dollar and eleven cents - the exact price of a miracle for little brothers . " He took her money in one hand and with the other hand he grasped her mitten and said " Take me to where you live . I want to see your brother and meet your parents . Let 's see if I have the kind of miracle you need . " That well dressed man was Dr . Carlton Armstrong , a surgeon , specializing in neuro - surgery . The operation was completed without charge . And it wasn 't long until Andrew was home again and doing well . Mom and Dad were happily talking about the chain of events that had led them to this place . In the nineteenth century the greatest tightrope walker in the world was a man named Charles Blondin . On June 30 , 1859 , he became the first man in history to walk on a tightrope across Niagara Falls . Over twenty - five thousand people gathered to watch him walk on a rope ( 1 , 100 feet ) that was suspended 160 feet above the raging waters . Though the slightest slip would prove fatal , he worked without a net or safety harness of any kind . In the days that followed , he walked across the Falls many times , each time with a daring variation - once in a sack , on stilts , on a bicycle , in the dark , and blindfolded . One time he even took a chair and a stove with him and sat down midway across the Fall , cooked an omelet , and ate it ! Each time the cheering crowd 's applause would be louder than the roar of the falls ! This unique story illustrates a real life picture of what faith actually is . It is one thing to believe a man can walk across by himself . It is entirely another thing to get into the wheelbarrow yourself and believe he could safely carry you across . Similarly , it is one thing to theoretically say that we believe in God and that Christ can save us but until you " get into the wheelbarrow " you are not putting your faith into action . Jesus has carried many people safely across the great divide , and He has never lost anyone . Trust in him ! Show it by surrendering your all to Him ! He will see you through . That 's what he did , all the while checking his progress in the car . He then figured if he went just a little bit further , the tree would be bent sufficiently for him to reach the kitten . But as he moved the car a little further forward , the rope broke . The pastor felt terrible . He walked all over the neighborhood asking people if they 'd seen a little kitten . No . Nobody had seen a stray kitten . This woman was a cat hater and everyone knew it . So he asked her , ' Why are you buying cat food when you hate cats so much ? ' She replied , ' You won 't believe this , ' and then told him how her little girl had been begging her for a cat , but she kept refusing . She told the pastor , ' I watched my child go out in the yard , get on her knees , and ask God for a cat . And really , Pastor , you won 't believe this , but I saw it with my own eyes . A kitten suddenly came flying out of the blue sky , with its paws outspread , and landed right in front of her . ' A Church goer wrote a letter to the editor of a newspaper and complained that it made no sense to go to church every Sunday . " I 've gone for 30 years now , " he wrote , " and in that time I have heard something like 3 , 000 sermons . But for the life of me , I can 't remember a single one of them . So , I think I 'm wasting my time and the pastors are wasting theirs by giving sermons at all . " " I 've been married for 30 years now . In that time my wife has cooked some 32 , 000 meals . But , for the life of me , I cannot recall the entire menu for a single one of those meals . But I do know this … They all nourished me and gave me the strength I needed to do my work . If my wife had not given me these meals , I would be physically dead today . Likewise , if I had not gone to church for nourishment , I would be spiritually dead today ! " Wishing to encourage her young son 's progress on the piano , a mother took her boy to a Paderewski concert . After they were seated , the mother spotted an old friend in the audience and walked down the aisle to greet her . Seizing the opportunity to explore the wonders of the concert hall , the little boy rose and eventually explored his way through a door marked " NO ADMITTANCE . " When the house lights dimmed and the concert was about to begin , the mother returned to her seat and discovered that the child was missing Suddenly , the curtains parted and spotlights focused on the impressive Steinway on stage . In horror , the mother saw her little boy sitting at the keyboard , innocently picking out " Twinkle , Twinkle Little Star . " At that moment , the great piano master made his entrance . He quietly moved to the piano , and whispered in the boy 's ear , " Don 't quit . " Keep playing . " Then , leaning over , Paderewski reached down with his left hand and began filling in a bass part . Soon his right arm reached around to the other side of the child , and he added a running obligato . Together , the old master and the young novice transformed what could have been a frightening situation into a wonderfully creative experience . The audience was so mesmerized that they couldn 't recall what else the great master played . Only the classic , " Twinkle , Twinkle Little Star . " Perhaps that 's the way it is with God . What we can accomplish on our own is hardly noteworthy . We try our best , but the results aren 't always graceful flowing music . However , with the hand of the Master , our life 's work can truly be beautiful . The next time you set out to accomplish great feats , listen carefully . You may hear the voice of the Master , whispering in your ear , " Don 't quit . " " Keep playing . " May you feel His arms around you and know that His hands are there , helping you turn your feeble attempts into true masterpieces . Remember , God doesn 't seem to call the equipped , rather , He equips the ' called . ' Life is more accurately measured by the lives you touch than by the things you acquire . As I grew up , I never questioned his place in our family . Mom taught me to love the Word of God . Dad taught me to obey it . But the stranger was our storyteller . He could weave the most fascinating tales . Adventures , mysteries and comedies were daily conversations . He could hold our whole family spellbound for hours each evening . He was like a friend to the whole family . He took Dad , Bill and me to our first major league baseball game . He was always encouraging us to see the movies , and he even made arrangements to introduce us to several movie stars . The stranger was an incessant talker . Dad didn 't seem to mind but sometimes Mom would quietly get up - while the rest of us were enthralled with one of his stories of faraway places - and go to her room and read her Bible and pray . I wonder now if she ever prayed that the stranger would leave . My Dad ruled our household with certain moral convictions . But this stranger never felt an obligation to honor them . To my knowledge , the stranger was never confronted . Dad didn 't permit alcohol in his home . But the stranger enlightened us to other ways of life . He often offered us beer and other alcoholic beverages . He made cigarettes look tasty , cigars manly , and pipes distinguished . He talked freely about sex . His comments were sometimes blatant , sometimes suggestive , and generally embarrassing . I know now that my early concepts of the man / woman relationship were influenced by the stranger . The man slowly looked up . This was a woman clearly accustomed to the finer things of life . Her coat was new . She looked like that she had never missed a meal in her life . His first thought was that she wanted to make fun of him , like so many others had done before . " No , " he answered sarcastically . " I 've just come from dining with the president . Now go away . " The woman 's smile became even broader . Suddenly the man felt a gentle hand under his arm . " What are you doing , lady ? " The man asked angrily . " I told you to leave me alone . " The officer scratched his head . " That 's old Jack . He 's been a fixture around here for a couple of years . What do you want with him ? " Finally , and with some difficulty , the woman and the police officer got Jack into the cafeteria and sat him at a table in a remote corner . It was the middle of the morning , so most of the breakfast crowd had already left and the lunch bunch had not yet arrived . The manager strode across the cafeteria and stood by the table . Old Jack smiled a toothless grin . " See , lady . I told you so . Now if you 'll let me go . I didn 't want to come here in the first place . " " I was just out of college , " the woman began . " I had come to the city looking for a job , but I couldn 't find anything . Finally I was down to my last few cents and had been kicked out of my apartment . I walked the streets for days . It was February and I was cold and nearly starving . I saw this place and walked in on the off chance that I could get something to eat . " Jack lit up with a smile . " Now I remember , " he said . " I was behind the serving counter . You came up and asked me if you could work for something to eat . I said that it was against company policy . " " I know , " the woman continued . " Then you made me the biggest roast beef sandwich that I had ever seen , gave me a cup of coffee , and told me to go over to a corner table and enjoy it . I was afraid that you would get into trouble . Then , when I looked over , I saw you put the price of my food in the cash register . I knew then that everything would be alright . " " I got a job that very afternoon . I worked my way up . Eventually I started my own business , that , with the help of God , prospered . " She opened her purse and pulled out a business card . " When you are finished here , I want you to pay a visit to a Mr . Lyons . He 's the personnel director of my company . I 'll go talk to him now and I 'm certain he 'll find something for you to do around the office . " She smiled . " I think he might even find the funds to give you a little advance so that you can buy some clothes and get a place to live until you get on your feet . If you ever need anything , my door is always opened to you . " " On the contrary , Ms . Eddy , " he answered . " Thank you . I saw a miracle today , something that I will never forget . And … And thank you for the coffee . " One summer evening as I was fixing supper , there was a knock at the door . I opened it to see a truly awful looking man . " Why , he 's hardly taller than my eight - year - old , " I thought as I stared at the stooped , shriveled body . But the appalling thing was his face - lopsided from swelling , red and raw . Yet his voice was pleasant as he said , " Good evening . I 've come to see if you 've a room for just one night . I came for a treatment this morning from the eastern shore , and there 's no bus ' til morning . " He told me he 'd been hunting for a room since noon but with no success , no one seemed to have a room . " I guess it 's my face … I know it looks terrible , but my doctor says with a few more treatments … " For a moment I hesitated , but his next words convinced me : " I could sleep in this rocking chair on the porch . My bus leaves early in the morning . " I told him we would find him a bed , but to rest on the porch . I went inside and finished getting supper . When we were ready to eat I asked the old man if he would join us . " No thank you . I have plenty . " And he held up a brown paper bag . When I had finished the dishes , I went out on the porch to talk with him a few minutes . It didn 't take long time to see that this old man had an over - sized heart crowded into that tiny body . He told me he fished for a living to support his daughter , her five children , and her husband , who was hopelessly crippled from a back injury . He didn 't tell it by way of complaint ; in fact , every other sentence was preface with a thanks to God for a blessing . He was grateful that no pain accompanied his disease , which was apparently a form of skin cancer . He thanked God for giving him the strength to keep going . At bedtime , we put a camp cot in the children 's room for him . When I got up in the morning , the bed linens were neatly folded and the little man was out on the porch . He refused breakfast , but just before he left for his bus , haltingly , as if asking a great favor , he said , " Could I please come back and stay the next time I have a treatment ? I won 't put you out a bit . I can sleep fine in a chair . " He paused a moment and then added , " Your children made me feel at home . Grownups are bothered by my face , but children don 't seem to mind . " I told him he was welcome to come again . And on his next trip he arrived a little after seven in the morning . As a gift , he brought a big fish and a quart of the largest oysters I had ever seen . He said he had shucked them that morning before he left so that they 'd be nice and fresh . I knew his bus left at 4 : 00 a . m . and I wondered what time he had to get up in order to do this for us . In the years he came to stay overnight with us there was never a time that he did not bring us fish or oysters or vegetables from his garden . Other times we received packages in the mail , always by special delivery ; fish and oysters packed in a box of fresh young spinach or kale , every leaf carefully washed . Knowing that he must walk three miles to mail these , and knowing how little money he had made the gifts doubly precious . When I received these little remembrances , I often thought of a comment our next - door neighbor made after he left that first morning . " Did you keep that awful looking man last night ? I turned him away ! You can lose roomers by putting up such people ! " Maybe we did lose roomers once or twice . But oh ! If only they could have known him , perhaps their illness ' would have been easier to bear . I know our family always will be grateful to have known him ; from him we learned what it was to accept the bad without complaint and the good with gratitude to God . Recently I was visiting a friend who has a greenhouse , As she showed me her flowers , we came to the most beautiful one of all , a golden chrysanthemum , bursting with blooms . But to my great surprise , it was growing in an old dented , rusty bucket . I thought to myself , " If this were my plant , I 'd put it in the loveliest container I had ! " My friend changed my mind . " I ran short of pots , " she explained , " and knowing how beautiful this one would be , I thought it wouldn 't mind starting out in this old pail . It 's just for a little while , till I can put it out in the garden . " She must have wondered why I laughed so delightedly , but I was imagining just such a scene in heaven . " Here 's an especially beautiful one , " God might have said when he came to the soul of the sweet old fisherman . " He won 't mind starting in this small body . " All this happened long ago - and now , in God 's garden , how tall this lovely soul must stand . GLS Follow @ glspublishing We love books . We publish Christian literature . Write to us to publish Christian literature or article at publishing @ glsindia . com . tweets by glsindia This book takes you on an exciting trip into the study of the origin and development of the Bible . pic . twitter . com / Ac7idKMuwp 2 days ago A practical book that not only compiles questions asked by real children about God but also provides thoughtful ans … twitter . com / i / web / status / 8 … 3 days ago The life of Jesus christ by P I Jacob amazon . in / dp / 8178203995 / … via @ amazonIN 3 days ago The amazing story of the spiritual quest of the son of Pushkar Teertha 's high priest and decendant of Veda Vyasa . pic . twitter . com / paReal4A9A 4 days ago As an approach to problems of sex and marriage , it will appeal strongly to married couples and to those engaged or … twitter . com / i / web / status / 8 … 5 days ago The author talks about recognizing God for who He is and giving Him the worship and honour due unto Him . pic . twitter . com / 44kdvh3Oif 6 days ago Read Harvest Times magazine . 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This is also the story of Asha who lived Christ 's sermon on the Mount against all adds and proved to her cynical husband that a living God exists . The book 's author is Malsawmi Jacob . . . . See more 4 days ago Timeline Photos As an approach to problems of sex and marriage , it will appeal strongly both to married couples and to those engaged or contemplating marriage . This unusual book is fast - moving , action packed and tremendously readable . . . . See more « |
Teddy was playing the final notes on the piano of his first song " One For Two " when the applause from the small crowd started . As he finished he stood up quickly , took of his hat and bowed to the crowd . They had been a good audience , people who knew his music and knew who Teddy Senner had been . As he waved his hat in the air and yelled out a big " thank y ' all " to the crowd the applause rose even louder . Teddy bowed again , gave another thank you and then turned to walk briskly backstage . Once he got out of sight of the crowd he slowed his pace dramatically and let his stiff back droop over a little . He stood there for a few moments with his hand supporting him against the wall as he caught his breath . Looking around and seeing no one he walked slowly back to his small dressing room where he found the old metal chair and after sitting his hat on the table sat int he chair and stretched his legs out in front of him closing his eyes . Teddy could feel it like the old days . He had performed his best out there and the result was one of the best concerts he had done in a long time . The crowd had helped by recognizing every song and applauding at both the beginning and the end of each . This kind of crowd was rare for Teddy and the energy the sent up to him , he sent right back by giving the performance of a young twenty year old . Teddy 's thoughts continued to run through his mind . Thoughts of the past and thoughts of the future . This was the first time he had been in Branson since that day he had waved at Al in the Hodey parking lot as he was heading to West Plains for the first time . MY how Branson had changed . When he had left the main drag had about fifteen businesses on the little two lane street , three of which were bait shops for the people who came to fish off of the dam . Now , this place had five lanes running down the main drag . Big stars had come to Branson to semi - retire and had opened up their own theaters to perform in . Casinos were up and down the main strip and up in the hills . Branson had turned from a small regional destination to a nationally known tourist attraction . You could hardly drive through the town any more it was so crowded . There were still one or two of the old oprys left , the Hogey not being one of them . Teddy had been wanting to came back to Branson for many years and had jumped at the chance when the casino agreed to let him do a weekend gig there . He had spent almost twenty five years on his own , setting up his own performances and playing all of his shows solo with no one else on the stage with him . He felt he had come full circle now . He felt himself dropping off to sleep as his thoughts continued to dwell on the past . He thought of Al and of Brian and how they had given him the chance to have a shot at making people smile or think when he played h is music . Over the years he had played in front of well over a million people he figured . His songs had been mentioned by newer artists coming up as having been an influence on them with his name mentioned along side of the legends the he had admired as a kid . Not many people remembered Teddy Senner these days and Teddy realized that as a fact . He had faded after walking out on RCA 's offer to promote him as a performer . He had not set foot in a recording studio since that Christmas album was completed . The Gospel album had seen some success being the last Teddy Senner album to break the top forty . It was a good way to go out Teddy thought . His last album ever and it broke that barrier . He was pleased with that and decided that it would be best to stop recording on a high note with an album in the top forty . The cleaning crew for the casino made their rounds around midnight to one o ' clock in the morning as they usually did . When they got to the small dressing room they were surprised to see the door shut . The chief of the crew knocked lightly on the door . " Mr . Senner ? Mr . Senner ? " he asked softly but firmly . He finally reached down and turned the door knob opening the door . There sitting in his chair with his legs stretched out in front of and his feet crossed sat Teddy Senner , fast asleep . As the crew began emptying the trash and sweeping the floor lightly the chief went over to the chair where Teddy was sitting . He looked at Teddy closely then noticed that his chest was not moving . He grabbed one of Teddy 's shoulders and shook lightly . The cleaning crew was still standing around Teddy in a half circle when the EMTs arrived . They walked in with great purpose then just looking at Teddy once slowed down . Teddy Senner had indeed passed away . They called the local hospital to let them know they were bringing a body in and then notified the police . The EMT 's then joined the cleaning crew in standing still for a little while . Everyone in the room was silently and privately paying their respects to Teddy Senner . They didn 't know all of his songs if any of them , but they knew that at one time he been one of the great ones . The EMT 's then lifted Teddy 's lifeless body onto a gurney and covered him up with a sheet before slowly rolling him outside to the ambulance . They did not need the siren on this run . As they began the trip to the Branson hospital , they all sat quietly as the driver drove slowly taking his time . Once in the hospital , the medical examiner would do a quick autopsy on Teddy and determine that he had died from heart failure in his sleep . The coroner would later said that Teddy probably did not even know that he was dying . Teddy had just shut down while sleeping . " Country Legend Teddy Senner Dies in Branson After Concert " was the most common headline followed by a short synopsis of his career and a listing of his biggest records . The articles and entries on the internet had disappeared by the day after that . Teddy Senner had faded from life just as he had faded from music . Quietly and unassuming . The funeral was not a big thing . It was held at the old Senner farm where Teddy 's nephew lived , still keeping it in the family . The Senners had a family cemetery on the farm where Teddy was laid to rest next to two of his sisters , his brother and his mother and father . Only one sister was left of the Senner siblings now . It was only family that attended . The sons and daughters of generations that came after the siblings were the attendees . They played a couple of Teddy 's recordings off of the Gospel album . The last song they played was Teddy 's arrangement of " Amazing Grace " which he had always said was his favorite song on that album . There was no mention of the funeral in the press . It was how Teddy would have wanted it . He had the spotlight for many years , but it seemed that he enjoyed being out of the big spotlight more . He could be more himself than ever before . Ten years later a new singer was just beginning his recording career . His name was Gus Gravel . As they were planning his first album he had remembered a song from his childhood that his grandfather use to play on the old record player all of the time . It was a song called " One For Two " and Gus had always loved it and he wanted to record it . The record company went and did some research to see what kind of legalities would need to be taken for Gus to record the song and found that there wasn 't hardly anything to keep the recording from being made . When Gus recorded the song , it went right up the charts and became a standard on his set list for his concerts . Every time Gus prepared to sing the song for his fans , he told the audience about his grandfather listening to the great Teddy Senner and how this song had been one of the major influences on him getting into the music business . Gus Gravel 's version of " One For Two " eventually made number one on the charts and Gus decided that on every album of his , there would be at least one Teddy Senner song . Gus believed that Teddy Senner was an extremely important part of the growth of country music and he wanted to share that with his fans . Gus Gravel became a country music superstar . Everything he touched seemed to turn to gold . Insisting on recording Teddy Senner songs on every album had the same effect on them . He often would release a Senner song as a single and it always became a hit . There was a whole new generation that was becoming aware of the Teddy Senner legend . Eventually Gus developed a Teddy Senner medley of most of Teddy 's songs . Before starting the medley though , Gus would tell the story of Teddy Senner . He would tell his audience about the legend who loved music so much , he refused to sell out and ventured out on his own after recording forty albums . He told of the man who would walk out on stage , by himself , with only a piano and his old beat up guitar , and perform for anyone willing to listen . Gus Gravel insisted that Teddy Senner ranked right up there with the other top legends when it came to influencing country music into what it was today . Then launching into the medley , Gus would treat the songs with as much respect as he could and would sing those old songs so beautifully that his audience were genuinely moved by the music and the words . As Gus continued being known for his recording of Teddy Senner songs , there began a resurgence in the demand for Teddy Senner recordings . Original recordings became collector items and those fans from long ago who had bought Teddy 's albums suddenly found themselves holding a recording worth hundreds of dollars . The auction sites on the internet began to fill up with original Teddy Senner recordings , autographs and posters . The Senner farm along with the burial site in the family cemetery showed up on the " Map of Places to See in Branson " . The Senner Farm and cemetery would eventually become a Missouri State Historical Site . Meanwhile , RCA had sold the rights to the Teddy Senner catalogue to Rhino . Rhino specialized in getting the rights to artists whose big record companies could not justify the expense of reissuing recordings onto compact discs . Rhino reissued each one of Teddy Senner 's albums one at a time over a period of two years and they sold very well . Rhino kept the whole Senner collection , except for the live album and the greatest hits album in their catalogue for five years before stopping the reissues . Once Rhino stopped making the reissues of the original albums available , they issued the live album . The new Teddy Senner fans bought Rhino out and the record company had to make several more runs on printing it . It was three years later that Rhino finally reissued the original double greatest hits compilation . These two Senner collections , the live and the greatest hits , would be the only remaining recordings available to a new generation discovering Teddy and his music . Gus Gravel recorded the " Senner Medley " on one of his albums and still has it as a staple in his concert list . He still tells the story of Teddy Senner even though his fans have heard it several times . Other country stars , and even some pop and rock stars are starting to cover Senner songs with new arrangements making Teddy Senner known across the genres of music . Gus makes a point of telling how TMR did not renew Teddy 's contract so they could branch out into those very genres . The next Saturday Brian Chapman was sitting in the theater again watching the boy who he hoped would become the anchor to the TMR label . When the practice was over , Teddy walked down to Brian who was holding out some papers . He explained the contract and the percentages as well as what he expected from making a deal with Teddy . It was all good according to Brian . turned and looked at Al who had been witnessing the signing of the contract . Al had a stoic look on his face . He knew he had just lost one of the prizes of the Hogey . He looked at the anxious face of the young man and finally waved his hand . for forty you can have this one here . " the man said as he took a nice looking guitar off the wall . . " She 's in very good shape , has a nice tone to it . Want to try it out ? " small guitar and looked like it had seen some rough times pan handling or something . There were scratches almost everywhere he looked . In a few places words or initials were carved into the face of it . one ? " The man asked with a surprised tone in his voice . " You got forty and this is what you are looking for ? Well , I don 't know , guess I some might call it a case . I call it a cardboard box shaped like a guitar with a handle on it . I 'll throw that in for nothing " Teddy drove back by the theater , he saw Al coming out and getting into his old station wagon . He waved but Al did not seem to see him . At that moment in time , Teddy did not realize it would be the last time he would ever see Al . He spent the next week wrapping things up and getting his parents ready for his departure . The next Friday night , Teddy got on a bus headed to West Plains , Missouri . The TMR recording studio was outside of the town of West Plains and sat on a gravel road next to a large cornfield . At one time it had been an old radio station but Brian had bought it and converted it to a studio . Teddy could hear the music from inside as he approached the building and he began to get a little nervous . He stepped into the studio to find Brian sitting at the console leaning back in his chair watching and listening to the musicians intently . When Brian heard the door close he jumped up out of his chair . " Okay guys , I want you to play with Teddy now . We 'll start off with songs Teddy knows and see how you all sound together . I see you got you a guitar , Let 's have a look . " " Perfect . This is exactly what I was hoping you would get . Beat up guitar makes it look like you been around a while . Phil , stay let over the next few days and teach some basic chords on this thing to Teddy , okay ? " Phil nodded his head without expression and the musicians watched as Teddy took his place at the piano that had been set up in the middle of the recording room . It was a nice piano , a baby grand and was in pretty good tune and had a rich tone . Teddy played a bit by himself to get use to it and then started playing an old Hank tune . It didn 't take the band long to recognize the song and they jumped in along with Teddy one by one until the sound became tight and clear . " Teddy , " Brian yelled over the music , " Teddy , start singing into that mike right there . " and he did . Brian headed back into the other room and listened and a smile came over his face . The sound was good , by far the best that this studio had heard in a long time . For two weeks Teddy and the band played old classics and worked on a few of the songs that Teddy had written . He learned a little guitar and every once in a while Brian would have Teddy sing one of his soft ballads while using his new knowledge to accompany himself on the old beat up guitar . Brain was becoming more excited almost daily as the band grew tighter and learned Teddy 's style and how to play with him . The boys liked Teddy 's own tunes which helped a lot and every one was enjoying the daily sessions together . " Okay guys , you all know Buddy . Well I guess Teddy doesn 't , Buddy Goren , this is our piano player Teddy Senner . He is good and will add some sound to your recording . " Brian then went back to addressing all the musicians . " Okay guys , Buddy is going to record another album over the next few days . We 'll practice on it a couple of days then record it on Friday . Buddy , their all yours . " and Brian turned to walk back into the booth to listen to what Buddy had brought with him . Buddy Goren was one of the few acts that Brian had signed and was the most successful artist on the TMR label . Even though he was the best TMR had to offer , he had been a disappointment to Brian and had failed to bring the label into the spotlight . He had recorded five albums and released six singles . Only one of the singles had broke the top twenty and a second one had made it into the top forty . The rest of them had made a small splash then faded from the airwaves . Of the albums only one had broke into the top twenty while the rest of them had ended up in bargain bins across the midwest . This new album would be the last one Buddy would be required to do under his contract with Brian and Brian had no intention of extending the contract unless this release really took off . In reality both Brian and Buddy knew this was his swan song . It would probably be the last the world would hear from Buddy Goren . Brian then disappeared for three months . He had gone to a studio in Springfield and cleaned up the tapes and had one single pressed as well as the album . Brian had then been on the road handing out Buddy Goren 's latest to radio stations within a two hundred mile radius . During his absence the band continued to meet at the studio daily and Teddy had written a few more songs . The band took to one of the songs and they all loved it . They decided they would play it for Brian when he returned . Brain did return to the studio one hot afternoon . He walked in hearing the band play an old country classic and sat in his chair . The trip and not gone well . Not many stations were impressed with Buddy Goren anymore and a very few of the stations agreed to try to push it for a week . Brian knew that Buddy Goren was finished . He had failed to capture the attention of even a small regional area . While Brian was running the Goren situation through his head he suddenly became aware of a song the band was playing . He had not heard it before but it sounded really good . Teddy was pounding on the piano , the boys were all right there with him giving it a tight sound and Teddy 's voice sounded strong . The music itself was very upbeat and had a slightly different sound to it . When Brian started listening to the lyrics , he just sat in amazement . When the band finished the song , Brian jumped up and ran into the studio . " Just a song Teddy wrote while you were gone . " Phil spoke up for the group . " Personally , me and the boys think you got a record here . This is a hot song Brian . " The guys agreed and so they worked on it , making tweaks here and there to bring the song together . The next day , Teddy sat at the piano and went recorded it with the boys three times until Brian was pleased with the outcome . They then recorded the second song in just one take and the next morning Brian was off to his radio station rounds to pitch a new artist on the TMR label . It was the birth of a new artist and Brian knew it . While Brian was out on the road trying to get radio stations to play Teddy 's record , Teddy and the band were busy trying to book themselves gigs in small bars and clubs around the area . They were somewhat successful and soon found themselves in demand as word spread of this new artist from the area . By the time Brian returned just before Thanksgiving things were already moving . Teddy 's song had taken off like a rocket from the first time it was aired on the rural stations in the midwest . The demand for the record became high enough that Brian had to enter into a deal with a major studio to do the pressings for him . Soon Teddy 's song " One for Two " was starting to spread across the country . In a mere three weeks time , Teddy Senner was in the top ten on the charts with his first record peaking at number seven . Once the first release peaked at number seven , Brian had Teddy record a second single which would have one of his guitar ballads on the a - side and a full sounded country hit on the b - side . This time Brian did not need to travel around to get the record air time . Stations were more than happy to be on the list to receive a copy of the new single and to play it for their listeners . The soft ballad went to number twelve and the b - side made a splash in its own right by peaking at number fourteen . After watching the success of three Teddy Senner records breaking the top twenty , Brian and Teddy sat down to pick out songs for his first album . Brian wanted most of the cuts to be covers of country classics with the four songs included from the first two singles . A lineup was made of the songs and in three days Teddy and his studio band recorded " The Teddy Senner Album " . The album was an immediate hit in the midwest and by springtime it had gone nationwide . Teddy 's first album peaked at number nine on the charts nationally . Teddy Senner had arrived on the scene . The album spurned a quick concert tour . In small venues Teddy and the band would play by themselves while at other times , if they were close to a big city where one of the legends of country music was performing they would be asked to open the show . It seemed like everywhere they went they were well received and praises came from the headliners as they began their set after Teddy had left the stage . Things were about to move very quickly for Teddy now and his life and memories would become a blur . Teddy continued to record and write and his songs and albums seemed to always land in the top twenty , many of them crossing that top ten line . Then from his ninth album " Heading To The Top " the first single released hit number one while the album crested at number three . It was the peak of his career and everyone at TMR celebrated . The once studio band had becomes Teddy 's regular band although he was billed as a solo act . He worked four or five of his guitar songs into each set while the rest of the concert would be full sound country pop music . He was on the road every summer touring for four months while taking the winters off . Even though he played a few stadium concerts as an opening act , the band preferred to perform in venues of ten thousand or less . Teddy felt more comfortable with the smaller crowds and felt they could feel his music better than a crowd in a stadium . As time went on , the sell out concerts would start to dwindle just a little bit , but were still pulling in a lot of fans that made it all worthwhile . Teddy 's twenty fourth album was a double live album followed by the twenty fifth album that was a double greatest hits collection . This was the point that Brian had been working towards . He had a label in TMR that was well known , he had an artist that was constantly in the top twenty and the label was becoming more attractive of an option to new artists just breaking out . Brain sat one night thinking about all of this . He thought of all the years Teddy had given the label and what Teddy meant to it as well as to Brian . Brian began to think that maybe it was time for a change . It was at the Christmas party one year that Brian gathered all the employees and artists of TMR together for a major announcement . He called everyone around him and waited for the room to quiet down . Standing next to Brian was his son Eddie who had been involved with TMR since he was twenty years old . Eddie knew the business and followed his fathers every move . Finally Brian cleared his throat to speak . " I just wanted to tell all of you here at TMR thank you for your dedication and hard work to make this label a success . It has been a long time coming and I feel the label finally has the respect it deserves from the industry . Thank you all so very much . " " I have decided that it is time for a change around here . I have been here a very long time and I feel like it is time for me to step down and retire . " The silence in the room was deafening as people processed what Brian was saying . " So , as of the first of the year , Eddie here will be taking over the helm of TMR . There won 't be any changes , no one is going to lose a job or anything , it will just be a new name on the paychecks and the contracts . Eddie is more than capable of keeping TMR heading in the direction that it currently is . Eddie , say a few words ? " " I know this may seem strange to a lot of you . You all have been with my dad for many many years and have made this company what it is today . I have been one of you for a long time . Like you I have watched in wonder as my dad built this label up to what it is . I am not sure I can be quite as good as dad , but all in all having him as a mentor is about the best thing that could happen to me , to all of us . So let 's lift our glasses and toast a very fine man , my father . " " Dad , thank you from all of us for your years of dedication and loyalty to each of us over the last several years . You have done a fantastic job and we appreciate it . You have worked hard and you deserve to rest easy in your retirement . So , thank you . . . good luck . . . and well wishes for you . " And with that everyone lifted their glass and drank to Brian Chapman . It marked the end of an era at TMR . Teddy stood silently as he absorbed the news that Brian would no longer be around . He made it a goal for himself to continue to perform and record for Eddie as he had done for Brian . Brian deserved that from him . He would continue to do his best . Things did change once Brian left . Eddie did not care much for country music and had decided to widen out the genres of music that TMR would be releasing . More and more Rock and Roll acts came into the studio and Teddy found it increasingly difficult to get studio time to record . When he did record , Eddie seemed to put releasing a new Teddy Senner album on the back burner to get more of the popular music out because it brought in more money . Teddy began to see his record sales slip and his songs were not charting as high without the promotional backing from the front office . " Yes sir I do , but I got plans and songs for anther ten albums easy . I got some songs . . . . " Eddie held up his hand to quiet Teddy . " Teddy . I want you to know that I realize without you , this label never would have taken off . I know that . Dad knows it . TMR is THE Teddy Senner label . But Teddy , listen , your sales have been slipping pretty bad . Country music is changing and you aren 't changing with it . Your sound is old and frankly most of your followers out there are getting up in age . " Teddy thought quick . " Eddie , let me tell you , I have noticed the sound changing and I think I got a few songs that make that change . I can record them for you if you . . . . " " Teddy , we have decided not to renew your contract after the fortieth album . The label is heading in a different direction . We are moving to a younger audience , a rock audience . TMR just isn 't a country label anymore . You understand Teddy ? " Teddy felt a lump in his throat , " Well to be honest , not really Eddie . Don 't understand it at all . I can still sale records if I get a little promotional help . I got some . . . " " Teddy . You won 't be on TMR . I am going to tell you something that is coming out next week . RCA wants to buy TMR records and to tell the truth , it is a deal I can 't pass up . Now the good thing for you is that RCA does record country music so they might find a place for you in their library . If you do record again , you 'll be on another label , but not TMR . It could work out to be a good thing for you . " Eddie ended the awkwardness , " Teddy here is what I want from you . I want you to leave TMR with a big bang . I want number thirty nine to be a gospel album and then number forty to be a Christmas album . You have never recorded either one of those in all the years you have been here . I think they will be big sellers and get you to RCA on a comeback roll . I think RCA will like it . " " Always wanted to do a gospel record , " Teddy said quietly as he continued to process what was happening . " So this is it . Just like that I am out of TMR ? " " Teddy . . . trust me , I got your continued success in mind . It will be good to get with a bigger label like RCA . TMR is just going down a different road is all . It isn 't nothing against you and I am not making a statement about your abilities and talent . We all know who Teddy Senner is and what you have done . Just a different path is all . Are we okay now ? " Yeah I guess we have to be , " Teddy sighed as he got up from the chair and turned towards the door . " I 'll work up those two albums . I 'll have them ready for you by Thanksgiving so you can release them . Good bye Eddie . " " Oh Teddy , We ' ' l see each other before the contract runs out . " Eddie said as he walked towards the old singer with his hand held out . Teddy refused to take the offer of a handshake though and looked Eddie straight in the eye . " I am not sure about that Eddie . I 'll get the albums done for you . " Teddy walked out the door and out to the parking lot where he sat in his car for a long time thinking about things . He felt like he was back to where he was when he was fourteen . Just a musician loving music and looking for a break . The last two Teddy Senner albums were released with high praise from the critics . While neither album broke into the top forty and there were no singles released from either of them , Teddy knew in his heart that his long time fans would be buying them and loving them . He had fulfilled his promise to Brian to continue doing the best he could and the two albums made Teddy proud . After recording the last song for the Christmas Album , Teddy walked slowly to his car and drove off the TMR property for the last time . After RCA looked at the charts for Teddy 's last two albums they decided not to give him a contract for recording , but they did agree to promote him on small tours now and then . Teddy had turned them down thinking he could do it himself . He had experienced more than his share of success now he would use that to keep playing music for the people who loved his songs . Teddy was independent now . He would be a true solo act . Just him , his piano and the guitar for the ballads . Al and Jim approached him . They stood there and watched Ted as he put his stuff away in a backpack and prepared to go home . He did not realize Al and Jim were there and so when Al broke the silence it caught of his life . He kept imagining in his head how it would go . How people would whisper about the piano and the kid playing it . The Hogey Opry was about to change their sound a little for the first time in many night Ted showed up at six . The group had a meeting going over the line up of songs and skits for the night . Basically it was about two songs followed by a skit and then two more songs . The show would last two hours . you hit the keys the louder it is so you can still put some of that emotion in it the way you do in practice . It will be hooked up to the sound system along with all the other instruments . Go ahead now , play on it . Get use to it , get the feel . I want to be sure everyone hears this addition we are about to ad . " Ted didn 't need to be told twice . He spent the next hour or so playing what he was going to do in the show that night . He found it to be a little awkward at first but slowly got use to it until he felt comfortable with it . After yourselves tonight . We are going to play some good ol ' music and have some short skits that will keep you smiling and entertained . So let 's get it started . Here they are , the Hogey Opry Band ! ! " an introduction to the first song . Right on cue , Ted joined with the rest of the band in the song . Two of the girl singers came out and started to sing . Suddenly Ted was unaware that there was a crowd out there watching . He was playing music just like in practice and he was having a great time . each name was called the performer would step forward and and wave to the crowd or tip his hat if he was wearing one . Ted nervously waited for Al to call his name . Suddenly Al stopped introducing band members and started to put his fiddle under his chin to start the next number . He had not introduced Ted to the crowd and for a second Ted was just a little hurt . Then Al lowered his fiddle and started to speak again . you know folks , I almost forgot . You see we aren 't use to having a piano in the band but tonight for the first time , we have a piano as part of the permanent band . The boy is sitting back there and this is his first night with the Hogey Opry . Folks please welcome for the first - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - During the next three years Ted began to experiment writing songs during off hours at the theater . He would come in early and stay a little late to see if he had it in him . At first the song writing was difficult . He was good at writing the music but lyrics would not come easily . Slowly he progressed to learning how to write a song and one day he felt like he had finally written one that he wouldn 't be ashamed of playing in front of people . One Saturday morning after practice for the show , Ted asked Al to come over to the piano and listen to his new song . Al was skeptical but agreed to give it a listen . The song was medium tempo and gave a message of a lost love like trains passing in the night . The situation that each of the lovers were in never allowed them to be as one . It was a very emotional and sad song and as Al listened to it he could see a picture appear in his mind of what the two were feeling . Ted came to the conclusion of the song and looked up at Al who was standing still with his head lowered . sighed as his reply came out softly . " Yes sir , I have written a few but they aren 't very good . Matter of fact been thinking of just trashing them . " " Play another of those songs you wrote , " Al ordered and Ted began to do another song . The two of them were there until almost showtime as Ted played all of the seventeen songs he had written . After playing some of the songs , Al would offer a suggestion or two that would improve the song . As the session between the two musicians came to an end because showtime was creeping up on them Al stood up and asked a question that Ted never expected . band members . Every week from then on there would be a Teddy Senner special song and each show Ted was applauded loudly by the crowd . He began to write more songs and it seemed that each time he did , it was a little better than the one before . Ted had become a star of the Hogey Opry . Ted spent another two years with the Hogey . He continued to write songs on a regular basis and was building up quite a library of them . He had been called Teddy so often that after five years he responded to Teddy without thinking and even introduced himself as Teddy Senner . There was no longer a Ted . It was Teddy now and would be for the rest of his life . that man sitting out there is here to listen to you . He is here to watch you and , well , quite frankly , if you impress him enough , he could be your ticket out of the Hogey . He 'll probably want to talk to you after we are through . Just do me a favor okay ? When he talks to you , remember who gave you your first gig , okay ? Just remember that when you roll . He decided to do his best to forget the man sitting out there and just act as if it were another Saturday morning . The troupe went through the paces of the show for that night and Teddy played a new song that touched every heart in the place . It was a slow , emotional song with a great melody and lyrics that everyone could relate to . When he had finished the song , it was quiet for a few seconds before Al began to " Um , Teddy , this is Mr . Chapman . He would like a word with you if you don 't mind . Mr . Chapman , Teddy Senner . " the first thing you can do is call me Brian . The second thing you can do is listen to an offer I have decided to give you . It 's the chance of Brian Chapman leaned forward to explain . " Teddy , you may not realize it but word of your talent has gotten outside these four walls here . People are starting to ask about who this Teddy Senner is . I decided to come up here and hear for myself " Teddy , this is what I came up here for , to offer you this . Not sure I want to now though . These papers are a contract that I was hoping you would sign to come down to West Plains and be a studio musician for a couple of years . You ever here of the label TMR ? " surprised that you haven 't . I started the label about five years ago . My vision was to give artists , young artist , well new artists a chance to record because the big labels are too busy to mess with too many new singers . A company like , well RCA for example might , just might sign one or two new artists a year . The odds are pretty well stacked against you . You know , I have been coming up here for the last eight shows listening to you and frankly , I am surprised that one of the big labels haven 't approached you yet . That being the case , I find myself in a position to make you an offer before they do . From what I have seen and heard , you could be the one that puts TMR on the map . Here 's the deal . I have only got six artists recording for me under contract . They have done okay regionally but have not spread outside southern Missouri and northern Arkansas . Not going to give you these papers . What I am going to do though is write up a new contract that would bind you to record at least three singles , that is six songs , with an option for me to get four albums from you on my label . " record so you 'll get a percentage if someone wants to record one of your songs . You 'll get a percentage of any record sales on the TMR label . Son , I think you got what it takes , I really do . What I am offering to you is what could be your big break . Personally , I think you would be damn foolish to turn it down . Now I 'll be back next week with a new contract . Think about it between now and then . Chance of a lifetime son , for both of us . " it Teddy . You don 't need to think about it . If it works , then great , you are on your way . If it doesn 't work out , at least you 'll know you gave it a shot and you always have a home here . You can 't turn this down . " Teddy knew Al was right . He had to take the deal . He left the theater quietly in deep thought and headed home to talk to the folks about it . He was sure For my dad - Belden H . Clark Teddy stood backstage in a little room studying himself in the full length mirror . He was about to step out into the little theater in the casino to perform songs , most from over forty years ago , to an audience of about five hundred people . Usually before going on stage he would be taking a little time to try to limber up his fingers to limit the mistakes that would surely be played . He had not studied himself like he was now in his entire life and what he saw revealed to him the years that had passed by . His face was lined with wrinkles that cut deep into his cheeks and across his forehead . his eyes looked empty and dull with the eyelids sagging down almost a fourth of the way down from where they should be . His hair consisted of several different shades of gray and was thin . It hung just below his ears and was dry like straw and resistant to a comb . The white stubble on his chin was an indication of the nap he had taken a few hours ago that lasted about two hours longer than he had planned . Crooked dry bent thin fingers hung from hands that were spotted with brown spots and matched the wrinkles in his face . He was wearing jeans that were cinched around his waist with an old leather belt that had once been slick brown leather but had turned into black cracked aged leather . The shirt was an unbuttoned long sleeve plaid shirt with the tail hanging free and a plain white t - shirt underneath it . He wore the two shirts for two reasons . The first reason was to keep warm in the air conditioned theater where even the lights on the stage did not have a warming effect on him because of his poor blood circulation and the second reason was to try to hide the way his thin bony shoulders and arms were accented by the way the shirts draped over his torso . The only thing that looked young were his teeth , which he took out and cleaned every night . " Damn I look old " . he said to himself with a sigh then added , " well I am old . " He shook his head as he turned his gaze away from the mirror to go and sit in a folding chair that was provided for him . He landed hard in the metal chair and set his cane off to the side . He and the cane would be separated for the next hour and a half and he needed a little more rest before the time came to perform again . He had only been sitting for a few minutes when a knock came on the door . Teddy sat for a moment before putting an old worn out hat on his head to cover the tangle of hair . Placing his hand on the small table next to the chair , he steadied himself before slowly standing up . Once standing he looked across the small room at the door and began taking small measured steps towards it . Passing through the door he made his way towards a curtain that hid the audience from him . With a methodical slow pace , he made his way to the curtain , took a deep breath and waited to hear his name announced . " Put your hands together for TEDDY . . . . . . . . SENNER ! ! ! ! " Teddy strode through the curtain as if he felt no pain or fatigue . The lights blinded him for just a moment and then he saw the crowd that filled only half of the small theater and heard their polite applause . Ted Senner was raised on a modest farm in the hills of southern Missouri . The closest town to them was a small vacation spot called Branson . The small town had a main strip with go kart rides and small arcades to entertain the people from southern Missouri and northern Arkansas who came there to get away for a cheap weekend . The main event in the town was the weekend performance of the play " The Shepard of the Hills " which all of the visitors would feel was a must to go see . There were a few motels hidden in the hills and there were a few " country opry " shows that would perform hillbilly music and comedy skits every night . The Senner family would go to one of the oprys a couple of times a year with the visitors from out of town . It was here that Ted Senner heard and fell in love with music . The Senner home had within it an old out of tune upright piano . Mrs . Senner would play the piano in the evenings at times for an occasional family sing along . She had an old hymnal that she would accompany the family with . Ted always enjoyed those evenings when his mother would suggest that it had been a while since they had sung . Ted was the youngest of five children , a brother and three sisters , in the family . He learned to harmonize from his older brother and the music sounded wonderful , even though no one but the members of the Senner family ever heard it . Ted would spend these evenings not only singing but watching his mother 's hands glide along the black and white keys soft and smoothly . The piano triggered something deep inside and would mesmerize him . Mrs . Senner was starting to prepare dinner one October Saturday afternoon when she stopped suddenly . Someone was playing " The Old Rugged Cross " on the piano . She listened for a while before walking into the living room and finding seven year old Ted sitting at the piano . His brow was tight as he concentrated on trying to make the piano sound as it did when his mother played . Ted would play for a bit and , after hitting a wrong note , would start trying to play the song from the beginning . His mother stood there astounded by what she was seeing and hearing . Ted 's brother had heard the music and came walking in and as he opened his mouth to say something , the mother put a finger to her lips to keep the brother from breaking the focus of the seven year old . Ted 's tenacity eventually paid off as he played the old hymn from start to finish without a bad note . When he had finished he sighed , stared at the keys on the piano and put his hands on the bench . Suddenly he heard light applause from behind him along with exclamations of how well he had done . He looked over his should and saw his father sitting in his chair with a pipe gripped in a mouth that was smiling . His mother was standing next to his father 's chair , her eyes were sparkling . His brother and sisters were on the floor asking where he had learned to play . Ted felt his cheeks warm as he blushed at the embarrassment of being spied on while he made his first attempt at the instrument . Ted 's mother offered to help him learn how to play and he had agreed . The piano lessons from his mother had begun to confuse the young boy as he tried to learn to read music and play things the way they were written down on paper . Ted had shown a tremendous ability to pick up songs by listening to them and then duplicating what he heard . As his mother began to see the vast talent inside her son she backed off trying to give him lessons and set aside a certain amount of time each week for him to play the hymns that he had been hearing and singing his entire life . Over the next few years the Senner family continued to attend an opry show a couple of times a year . Ted began to listen to the music being played a lot closer than he had done earlier in his life . He would listen and try to hear each instrument being played and how they interacted with each other . The opry acts basically sang old country songs from the era of Hank Williams . A lot of acoustic instruments playing those old classics along with some songs that were traditional back hills songs that had been played for ages . Ted had grown in his musical talents to the point that when he was entering his teenage years , he would play the songs that he had heard at the opry shows . His family loved it for it gave their sing alongs a whole new dynamic and it wasn 't long before Ted had replaced his mother at the piano on those nights . When he turned fourteen his parents gave him an old second had guitar that they had found at the old pawn shop in Branson for five dollars . They thought it would give Ted a new challenge to learn how to play it and it did . Ted began studying the guitar players at the opry shows intensely and soon had learned to play the new instrument fairly well . He wasn 't a master of it as all he could really do was to strum out chords on it but eventually he learned how to pick out a melody on it . He preferred just to play chords though and never quite developed into being a guitar player that could pick instead of strum . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - The one thing Ted had noticed at most of the opry acts was that the group seldom had a piano playing . As a matter of fact most of the oprys did not even have a piano on the stage . Ted began listening to the opry bands and imagining in his head what it might sound like if a piano were added . By the time he was sixteen he had decided that perhaps he could bring a new sound to the oprys if they would give him a chance . When he was eighteen he discussed the idea with his father who agreed it sounded like a real possibility . Together they decided that one day , finding the right opry that a piano would enhance their sound , Ted would try to pitch the idea to the band . It didn 't take long to decide which opry Ted wanted to try to talk his way in to . The band that played at the Hogey Opry was about the only one that had turned to electric instruments instead of putting microphones in front of their acoustic instruments . The sound was richer and fuller and Ted could hear in his head a piano being a part of that sound . Ted and his father decided to visit the Hogey Opry early on Saturday and talk to them about Ted 's idea . Father and son arrived at the Hogey Opry House at around ten o ' clock that Saturday . They entered the theater and sat down about two thirds of the way back from the stage . The band was playing a new song for that weeks show and didn 't sound as if they were struggling much with it . It sounded tight and Ted listened carefully , concentrating on the particular sound that the band had developed over the years . Ted felt very confident sitting listening and hearing in his head where piano parts would improve the sound . The band finished the song and began to discuss things that needed improvement . The leader of the group , who Ted knew as Al from attending the Hogey for so many years was asking questions of the members and telling them what he wanted their particular part to sound like . After all the instructions Al turned and look back into the auditorium and looked at the two men sitting there . " You and your band do sound pretty good but I think it could be improved a little . A little better sound could draw in a lots more people . " Ted spoke confidently . Al turned and pointed towards the piano and ordered , " Well , put a couple of mics on the back of it so as we can here the thing . Going to experiment a little . . . come on up here son . What you say your name was ? " Al raised his voice and called the band back together . " Okay people , back in your places . We gonna try to play with a piano to see what it sounds like . Let 's do Hank 's ' Honky Tonkin ' " Al turned to Ted , " That okay with you son ? " Al counted to four and the band began to play . Ted didn 't play at first , listening to what notes were being played but as soon as he was able to figure that out , he began to play his heart out . The volume was set very high on the piano microphones so he played a little louder so Al would be sure to hear it . In the middle of the second verse Al suddenly stopped playing . " Hold it , hold it hold it people . . . hold on a second . " Then he turned to Ted and said sternly " Son , we got singers to carry the melody . Don 't need a piano for that . You need to accompany the singers and the rest of the band . We got the melody . Understand ? " " Yes sir . " Ted responded as his head began to work over how he could play the song without the melody . He had done it a few times just messing around but this was for real . Soon the sound came into his head as to what he wanted the piano to sound like . Ted nodded his head and Al started to count to four again . When the band began this time , Ted started playing right from the beginning . He played as well as he could without touching on the melody and the sound came out as a piano in the background melting in with the guitars . As the song went on Ted became more confident and began to try new runs on the piano . Ted thought it sounded pretty good . Eventually the band came to the end of the country classic . Al turned and looked at Ted . " Not bad kid . Not bad at all . You may be onto something here . Now , you got to understand you 're still a little green , not quite ready for the stage but I tell you what . You come out here every Saturday morning and work out with the group . We 'll see what kind of sound we can develop with you and that piano . Sound like a deal ? " " Well stick around for the rest of the morning , then we 'll see you next Saturday . " Al said knowing in his head that this kid was going to work out just fine . The Hogey would take it up a notch over the other oprys scattered around the hills . And with that Ted went back into the theater and met his dad who was smiling a smile bigger than he had ever done before . They didn 't talk on their way home , both of them thinking to themselves about what had happened . When they arrived home they told Ted 's mother all about it and she was thrilled . Her Ted was going to be playing in front of people and for money at that . Proud is not a strong enough word to describe how the three of them felt . That evening , the Senner family went to the Hogey Opry and watched the show . One day , they all knew , Ted would be on that stage a part of the show . Nobody thought it would take long . |
We finally got some snow ! ! I woke up this morning around 2 : 30am and looked outside and there was nothing . I figured the weatherman had messed up the forecast again and again we would get nothing . But then when Sophie woke me up at 7 : 30am I looked out and saw about 3 inches on the ground and it 's still coming down pretty good . Sophie was thrilled that there was snow and I am thinking we will be taking lots of walks today . I love how she runs her nose in the snow . Once inside she cuddled up with one of her favorite toys and of course one of my gloves : I am so glad that I got all my errands done last night . I also decided to do my laundry because I didn 't think it would be fun walking up the hill to the clubhouse to do my laundry . I am only wishing I had stopped at Blockbuster to rent a few movies . I really miss having cable . This was said to me today by one of the clients . He was upset because I assigned him the weekly chore of cleaning the kitchen . And cleaning the kitchen only consists of wiping down the tables and counter tops after the meals . He started yelling when I assigned him the chore and thankfully there was another staff member in the group with me and she took him out of the group . As he was leaving he walked right past me and got right up in my face while pointing his finger and said , " don 't make me get in your face " . I was never afraid , but I did think he was going to hit me . Thankfully he didn 't and ten minutes later he was discharged . I love working in the addictions field , but it 's frustrating when you have clients like this . His little outburst has only hurt himself . Several of you asked about my new job and what I will be doing . I will be working in a very small hospital ( only 25 beds ) and I will be the social worker for the whole hospital . The hospital is small , but it is the only hospital in the county . During the interview they told me they serve about 10 , 000 people . I imagine I will be doing a lot of discharge planning and coordinating of services like medical equipment and evaluating patients that might need extended care in the home . When I was getting my masters degree I did my internship at a local hospital and worked with all 5 social workers that were in the hospital . I am looking forward to the challenge of the new job and I am really looking forward to the fact that this job will be a lot less stressful . Tonight we are suppose to get about 3 inches of snow . This whole winter we have only received about a dusting of snow , so I am kind of excited about the snow . I checked the weather for my new town and they are suppose to get about 2 more inches then the KC area . Oh how I wish I was already moved . Snow + a fireplace + S . . . . . that would be the perfect weekend . I am so tired . This is progress from last week since I was ready for the week to be over by 9am on Monday . So , I think it 's pretty good that I made it all the way to Thursday before becoming overwhelmingly tired . This morning when I got up it was dark , gray and raining outside . It didn 't help that the cats didn 't even move when I got out of bed and stayed there until I walked out the door . When I came home this evening Bonk was in the exact same spot . I wonder if she even got off the bed today ? I am looking forward to having almost a week off when I move . Starting a new job is always very tiring , so I decided to start on a Thursday . I will only have to work 2 days and then have a weekend . This will give me time to get used to my new house as well as the pets . I know we will all be happy when we are living in a bigger space . Sophie and the cats will have more room to run and Sophie can bark all she wants without me worrying about a neighbor complaining . This morning S called me on her way to work just to say good morning and that she loved me . She is so sweet and every day I am thankful that she is in my life . I am so damn lucky . The last couple of days I have been thinking a lot about a certain incident between me and Laura . I think part of me is thinking about it because I am shocked that I allowed someone to treat me like she did . In the fall of 2006 we decided to get bikes . We had some really great bike trails right by our house and we thought it would be a great way for us to exercise together . The first time we decided to go to the trail we loaded up the bikes into her car and drove to the trail . When the bikes were in the car my gears must have shifted because the minute I put my feet on the pedals the chain came off . Laura was pissed . She was yelling that she couldn 't believe I did that and now we would have load the bikes back up and go home because she didn 't have the tools to fix the chain . As we drove home I apologized to her and she just sat there and didn 't say anything to me . I remember feeling so stupid and like I had done something really bad . She didn 't talk to me all the way home . Looking back on my relationship with Laura there were many other times where she would get angry with me for stupid little things . And if I ever expressed any anger about something she did she would snap at me like I had no right to be angry or upset . I don 't know why I have been thinking about the incident with the bike lately . Maybe it 's because I am in a wonderful relationship and I know S would never ever treat me like that . When I was sharing this story with S last night she was shocked that Laura would act like she did for something that was an accident . It 's funny because when I was with Laura I knew our relationship was not perfect , but I still felt like I was pretty lucky to have her . Next month will mark 2 years since we broke up and now that I have put some distance between her and the relationship we had I am seeing that it was very unhealthy . It makes me sad that my self - esteem was so low that I felt like she was the best I could do . Thankfully I didn 't give up on myself and realized that I deserved so much more ( and better ) then LauraPosted by Tonight I had dinner with two of my friends L and MJ . They wanted to take me out since I will be moving in a couple weeks and they took me to my favorite restaurant Kokopelli 's . It is the best Mexican food in Kansas City . I got my favorite appetizer : ( This picture is for you Lynilu ) I really will miss Kokopelli 's and I imagine every time I come back to visit I will be eating here . Yes , I will miss Kokopelli 's , but I will miss these two even more : Today was a great day . I woke up before my alarm went off and didn 't try to find a reason why I should stay home . I love my job , but lately I have been so tired and getting out of bed has been a struggle . But this morning I got up and headed into work . And I had a great day at work . I felt like I got a lot accomplished and overall it was a very productive day . Even when one of my techs called in and I had trouble finding coverage I wasn 't stressed by the fact that I might have to work tonight . Thankfully one of my wonderful techs volunteered to do a double shift today . I got an email from my new job and they are wanting me to sign up for a training . I have to have my Kansas Social Work license in order to start work and I am really hoping it comes in times . I guess the worst thing that could happen is I start a few days later then what I had planned . But I am pretty sure it will come in time . Last night I had the strangest dream about my Mom . In my dream I went back to the church to visit her and she had about 3 developmentally disabled adults with her . As I was standing there the elders told her she had to leave because they were being disruptive . I started yelling at the elders that she should be allowed to stay because she was just trying to help them . She then left and there was a lot of commotion outside and there ended up being a shooting . As I tried to see if my Mom was OK the road was blocked and I couldn 't get to her . I wonder what this dream means ? Just so you know , it it totally out of character for my Mom to be helping Developmentally disabled adults . That just isn 't her thing . I just got a TXT from S saying , " I can 't wait to hear about your day . " Reason # 4 why I am so excited to move . . . . I can tell S about my great day in person . So . . . how was your day ? I got to see S today , so it was a very good day . It was the first time that I drove my new car and I was curious as to how she would do . I had noticed that the car really doesn 't get great gas mileage in the city , but on the highway it was perfect . I made it there and back ( about 250 miles ) on 1 / 2 tank of gas . That is even better then my Honda . The other thing I noticed was I wasn 't thrown around the highway as much because this car is a lot heavier then my Honda . It was a smooth ride the whole time and I am now excited to plan my road trip to see Lynilu . Both S and I look at the time we spend together as a time for us to recharge . Not seeing her last weekend was probably part of the reason the week seemed so long . But after spending the day with her I feel ready to take on the world again . It was a pretty low key day , which is something we both needed . We watched our favorite movie and just enjoyed being with each other . We also talked about how things have really changed in the last six weeks . On January 4 I asked her to marry me and the next day I was sitting in a co - workers office looking out the window and I thought to myself , " what the hell am I waiting for . I want to be with this woman and there is nothing holding me back from moving out of Kansas City . " I went back to my office and googled social work jobs in her area and came across my new job . That Friday they called me for an interview , the next Friday I had my interview and the following Friday I was offered the job . It 's crazy how fast things happened , but I think it also shows that this was meant to be . In this economy and this recession , it 's not very common for someone to decide to look for a job and less then 3 weeks later have a job . I have always been really proud of the fact that I got my masters , but this whole get a new job and move out of Kansas City makes me even more proud of myself . This morning when I was in the shower Sophie decided the napkins on the table sounded like a good snack . I asked her if she got into them and she just looked atPosted by This video shows how much I miss cable . Feeding Sophie off a fork is how I entertained myself tonight . After her treat she went and got a drink from the toilet . Yes , I know I lead such a thrilling life . Posted by I decided on the way home I needed a treat . I have not eaten out in a week and I thought that some ice cream would be good for tonight . I was right . I don 't know why , but I never thought this week was going to end . And now that it 's over I feel great . I have had a really quiet evening . I didn 't do any packing and just watched a bunch of TV , including my TV girlfriend Super Nanny . Tonight when I got home my neighbor upstairs came out and told me that a few nights ago he was pulling into our complex and someone hit his car and kept going . And yet another reason I am glad I am moving . The parking lot of my complex can get crazy at times and most people drive really fast and don 't care that you are walking on the side of the road . Usually when I car comes close to me and Sophie I just step up into the grass so we won 't get hit . But what I want to do is yell . . . " slow down asshole " . You have no idea how nice it will be to have my own driveway again . I was told last week that I have been talking a lot about my upcoming move . This move is completely different then any of my other moves . I never went away for college and have always lived in the same 15 mile area . So this move is huge for me . I have always dreamed of moving out of KC , but never thought I was strong enough or had enough courage . I was thinking back to when I was dating STL and she wanted me to move to St . Louis . I had found a place and even sent my deposit check , but the day after I mailed my deposit for my apartment I realized this probably wasn 't the best thing and canceled everything . This move is different . . . . the minute I was offered my new job I was ready to move . And even though I have had many obstacles since deciding to move ( car wreck , ect ) I have never once doubted my decision to move . S and I were talking tonight and I told her that now that things are pretty much done for my move I now have time to start thinking about my new job and I am getting excited . I love learning new things and I know my first few weeks at the hospital are going to be filledPosted by Because I want to be just like Lynilu , I am copying her idea for this Friday . How would you describe your week in just 3 words ? My Week : It 's finally over . Posted by The last week or so I have been hearing a new sound as I sleep . Bonk has discovered the boxes and loves to run and jump on them . I don 't think she realizes she is 22 . I have been thinking about how I am going to coordinate moving the pets when I move . At first I was going to come back and get them once everything is unloaded at the new house , but I really don 't think I want to have to drive 5 more hours that day . I am sure I am going to be exhausted as it is . So I think I will load them all up in the car with me and that will save me an extra trip . I am meeting my new landlords there the day I move , so once I have signed all the paperwork I will move them into the spare bedroom . I only told them I have one dog and one cat . I never know if people will be upset if I have 3 pets instead of 2 . And if they ever come in the house they would never see Ben . Even when I come home from work Ben goes running and hides for the first few minutes . I am thinking of getting something for the cats so that they can sleep most of the way , but I am a little nervous about Bonk . She is so old and I worry that it might make her sick . I really wish they could understand me so I could explain to them what is going on . A few weeks ago one of the stray cats came right up to my window . As you can see Ben was not impressed at all . This stray cat is so friendly and I wish she would find a home . When I walk Sophie she will walk right besides Sophie for the entire walk . I am sure people that drive by and see this cat walking with Sophie get a good laugh . Thanks to Amy I probably will have a refrigerator when I move in . It 's just a dorm size fridge , but it will do for a few weeks . Once I get a regular refrigerator it will be great for pop and bottled water . Thanks again Amy . This has been the longest week and I am so glad tomorrow is Friday . And even better , I get to see S on Sunday . It 's been two long weeks since I have seen her . That is way too long . The last couple of days I have been just exhausted . It seems to take all my energy just to get up and get to work in the morning . S reminded me that I have had a lot of life changes in the past month and that is probably why I am tired . I just wish the next 3 weeks would fly by so that I can get moved and then I can finally have a moment to sit and relax . On Sunday I noticed that I was getting a yeast infection . I really didn 't want to spend the money for the treatment so I looked up on the Internet to see what home remedies they suggested . I found one where you take a tampon , dip it in plain yogurt and then insert the tampon . I tried that and it did not work , so I ended up going to the drug store today and buying something for it . Hey don 't laugh , I was trying to save some money . Speaking of money . . . I am so broke right now . I know that once I move and get settled things will be a lot better financially , but right now I just have more money going out then I have coming in . What has really hurt me is the money I had to spend on my ticket for the expired tags . I am glad that is all over with , but that was a big hit to me financially . Plus the new tire I had to replace on Dottie and well , I feel so poor right now . Every Friday all the managers go out to lunch and I will not be going out with them this Friday . I would rather use that money for gas to go up and see S on Sunday . Speaking of S . . . . boy do I miss her . It has been almost 2 weeks since I have seen her and I miss her like crazy . Whenever I get stressed or overwhelmed ( which is not that often ) by this move , all I have to do is think about the fact that I will see her almost everyday once I move . In our six months together we have probably only spent 12 nights together , so it will be nice waking up next to her most mornings . I do imagine that will make it harder getting to work in the morning . : ) Yesterday I thought I had a refrigerator all lined up , but the deal fell through . So I am back to square one for looking for a refrigerator . I really don 't have the money Posted by About a week ago I emailed my parents to let them know I was moving and that I would like to get together with them before I move . I knew that I wouldn 't hear from my Mom and the only reason I included her email address was because I didn 't want her to come back at some point and say , " well you never included me in your emails . " I didn 't tell them where I was moving to , just that I was moving 2 . 5 hours away . I received an email from my Dad yesterday . He said that he would like to get together with me to see what has been going on with me . He then asked me if I was buying a ranch . I was kind of excited by the email , but then I got to thinking and maybe I should have never emailed them . My family has always had very poor boundaries . They believe in keeping everything private from the outside world , but in our own family there is no privacy . Does that make sense ? I remember the first email I received from my Mom after I came out to them and she was asking about how lesbians have safe sex . Seriously , I was 31 years old and my sex life is none of her concern . About 4 months after I was kicked out of the church and my family disowned me , Laura and I ran into my Dad while we were having lunch . He was there eating by himself and we invited him over to our table . He did come over and it was a very awkward lunch . One of the first things he asked me was , " where are you working and how much are you making now ? " It 's almost as if my parents refuse to see that I am an adult and will always view me as the young Caroline who should be telling her parents everything . I am not sure what I was expecting when I emailed them . Sometimes I wonder why I can 't just let things rest . Maybe it 's because deep down the little Caroline is still wanting to be loved by her parents and to have their approval . I think I am realizing that I will probably never meet their very high expectations . It 's hard when your parents disown you and I don 't think you know how you would handle it unless you were in the same situation . It 's really hard to accept somPosted by I guess I forgot to mention that I did name my car . Thanks to Lynilu 's suggestion I have named her Dorothy , but will call her Dottie for short . When I said something to my co - workers they started laughing so hard . I think Dottie fits her just right . A couple days ago I thought the left front tire looked a little low and told myself I would keep an eye on it . Well this morning when I got in my car I knew for sure that it was pretty low . As I drove to work I didn 't notice any problems while driving it and it seemed just fine . About two hours after I got to work I had one of my co - workers look at it and he said that it was very low . I decided this would be a good time for Dottie to get her first check up to make sure that I hadn 't just bought a lemon . Good news . . . . they said that Dottie is one of the best used cars they have seen . Yay for Dottie . They said the only thing that needed changed was the air filter and since I know nothing about cars I let them change it for me . She also got an oil change . I did have to purchase a new tire and the reason they gave me sounded pretty good even though I had no idea what was wrong with the tire . I figured if they were going to screw me they would have told me I needed all new tires . After I picked up Dottie I went to the Dollar Store because I am looking for some cup holders . Would you believe there are no cup holders in the car . It 's crazy . I didn 't find any cup holders , but I did finally replace my sunglasses that somehow disappeared in the rental car . I remember hearing them fall between the seat , but I could not find them at all . I am pretty happy with my sunglasses and glad that I am not blinded every time I drive somewhere . Even though I have to work today and I had to deal with some car issues , today has been a very good day . I have officially started packing . In just 4 weeks this will all be over with and I will be in my new home . I can 't wait , but there is also a lot to do before this move . My apartment is a mess ! ! ! It 's hard packing everything when you are in such a small place . I like my house to be neat and orderly and right now it 's anything but that . Sophie and the cats are realizing something is up and every time I pull out a box to start packing Ben goes into hiding . I think they are all feeling a little insecure and I wish I could explain to them that our next place will be so much better . Yesterday I had a guy come by and look at my kitchen table / chairs . Someone I work with was going to buy it , but this past week decided he had no way to get it to his house . So when this guy called about the table I thought I was finally going to get rid of it . First of all , the guy wanted to come by Thursday night to look at it and I told him Friday after work would be better . There was no way I was going to have some strange guy come to my house after dark . Then Friday he called and asked if he could come by Saturday around 1pm . So yesterday I had gone grocery shopping and got home around 12 : 15pm and he called saying he was a little early and would it be OK for him to look at the tables now . The groceries were still in their bags when he came in . He looked and looked , sat on each of the chairs and then said it would be hard for him to get the table up 8 flights of stairs . He then said , the best he could do is $ 35 . ( I was asking $ 50 ) I told him nope and he left . I then decided I am just going to keep the table / chairs until I can find something I really like . On Thursday I got a letter from the place I bought my car saying they needed a copy of my insurance . When I bought the car I asked if they wanted to see my insurance and they said , " no that 's OK . " So when I got the letter I thought I would take care of it when I got my new cards with the car information on it . Then yesterday I got another letter from this place saying that I was in breachPosted by Okay so the rules are simple . Just do what each ones says then tag 8 - 10 of your friends and laugh . Have FUN ! 1 . YOUR REAL NAME : Caroline Ann Murphy2 . WITNESS PROTECTION NAME : ( mother and fathers middle names ) Alice Rodgers3 . NASCAR NAME : ( first name of your mother 's dad , father 's dad ) Stuart John4 . STAR WARS NAME : ( the first 3 letters of your last name , first 2 letters of your first name ) Murcar5 . DETECTIVE NAME : ( favorite color , favorite animal ) Blue Dog6 . SOAP OPERA NAME : ( middle name , town where you were born ) Ann Merriam7 . YOUR OTHER SOAP OPERA NAME : ( your middle name and street you live on / or neighborhood if it 's a number ) Ann Meadow Lane8 . SUPERHERO NAME : ( 2nd fav color , fav drink , add " THE " to the beginning ) The Yellow Coke9 . FLY NAME : ( first 2 letters of 1st name , last 2 letters of your last name ) Carhy10 . STREET NAME : ( fav ice cream flavor , fav cookie ) Rocky Road Chocolate Chip11 . SKANK NAME : ( 1st pet 's name , street you grew up on ) Polly Meadow Lane12 . GANGSTA NAME : ( first 3 letters of first name plus ' izzle ' ) Carizzle13 . YOUR GOTH NAME : ( black , and the name of one of your pets ) Black Bonk14 . STRIPPER NAME : ( name of your fav perfume / cologne , fav candy ) Escape HersheyThis was fun . I am not going to tag anyone , but let me know if you want to play along on your blog . Today when I got to work there was a message on my voicemail from one of my techs saying how he was going to miss me and that he wished me luck on my move . For some reason there were a couple people that thought today was my last day at work . I quickly went up and reassured him that I was not leaving yet and I would be around for another 4 weeks . He seemed very happy that I was going to be around for another month . Most people are very excited for me and my new adventure that I will be starting in a month . But I have had a few people that are clearly upset that I am moving 2 . 5 hours away . Today I was in a meeting and when someone found out where I was moving she rolled her eyes and said , " OK " . Now this isn 't someone that I am really close with , but seriously why would you do that ? Someone else at this meeting kept telling me how happy he was for me and congratulations on my new job . He then said that that he was sad that I was leaving , but always is glad when someone moves onto something else . As I was driving home I was talking to S and she put it very clearly . . . . " You need to be closer to me . " And she is right . . . she is my family now and I do need to be closer to her . If people don 't understand that then I really don 't know how to explain it to them . The hardest part about moving is the fact that I am leaving so many friends behind . Just because I am so happy about moving , doesn 't mean I am not going to miss my friends here in KC . I am going to miss them a lot . Yesterday I read this article at MSNBC . It 's a great article about how you don 't have to spend a lot of money to be romantic or to show someone that you love them and that it 's all about the moments . S and I will not be able to spend this Valentine 's day together . At first I was pretty disappointed but I am OK with it now . I keep reminding myself that I will be there in just a month and we will no longer have 125 miles between us . When I used to dream about moving out of KC I always thought that I would be sad and that it would be hard . I know I am suppose to be moving next month because I don 't ever remember a time when I was so excited about the future . I feel like I am getting a whole new start on life . . . . new car , new home , new job and the best part . . . being with S . It was six months ago that S and I first met . After just six months I can 't imagine my life without her . She is the best of the best . Today while we were talking S and I decided to celebrate Valentine 's day the day after I move . . . March 14 . I think it would be cool if this became a tradition to us . A very long time ago Lynilu had a post where you would leave a comment and she would assign you a letter and you had to then list 10 things that you love that start with that letter . I was given the letter R . I apologize to Lynilu for being so late in this . If you want to play along , just leave me a comment letting me know you want to play along and I will answer you in the comment section and assign you a letter . It 's actually really fun . Here are 10 things I love that start with the letter R : * Red Barns : In the last couple of years I have fallen in love with red barns . There are about 3 when I drive to see S and one of these days I am going to stop and take some pictures . My dream one day is to have a place out in the country and have my very own red barn . * Rain : I love when it rains . Part of me feels like maybe I should live in the Northwest where it rains all the time . I especially love when it rains on Sunday afternoons and I can take a nap with the sound of rain hitting the windows . * Rivers : I love when I am driving to S and there are so many little rivers . I love seeing all the crazy names as well . I prefer rivers / lakes over ocean water . * Radio : I love the radio . I got very spoiled when I had the rental car since it had satellite radio . I have to have a radio when I am at work . Having music in the background really helps me get things done at work . * Re - Runs : Most people don 't like re - runs , but that is most of the television I watch . I love re - runs of Roseanne , The Golden Girls and of course my beloved Little House on the Prairie . * Red : Before I met S I wasn 't a huge fan of red , but now whenever I see the color red I think of my " lady in red " . * Romance : I love romance . Romance doesn 't have to be going out and spending lots of money . . . it can mean just doing something for your partner that will make their day easier . * Rice : Love fried rice . There is one Chinese restaurant in KC that has the best Chicken Fried Rice . When I was 15 I was babysitting for this couple and they got me and the kids Chinese take out and that Posted by I have been playing with my blog and really like the new look . It feels really warm to me . I think it 's perfect that the title of the background I chose is titled " Paradise " . My life is so good that it feels like I am in paradise . : ) It 's been a busy day and it 's just 1pm . Here is a list of things that I have gotten down so far today : * When I had the car accident I got a ticket for expired tags . The ticket did not show how much the fine was going to be and when I called the court house a few weeks ago they said I had to come to court . I was not looking forward to driving 1 . 5 hours to get to court by 9am in a few weeks . Plus , the court house is in the same town as the wreck and I am trying my best to avoid that town all together . Anyway , so I called again this morning to see if they would just let me mail in the money and I was able to talk with the county prosecutor ( oh , that sounds like I did something really bad ) and they are going to let me just mail in the money for the ticket and court costs . I am sooooo happy . The lesson in all of this is to never let my tags expire again . The fine plus court costs is almost $ 300 . Ouch . * I called the gas company , electric company , water company and cable / Internet and got all of my services set up for my new house . This was a huge relief to me to get this done . I have never had any utility services in Kansas , so I was worried about deposits , etc . The gas company is making me pay a deposit of $ 250 , but they will break that down into my first 4 payments . The electric company has a deposit of $ 180 , but if I get a letter from my current electric company saying I am a good customer , then they will waive the deposit . Yay . The water company wants a deposit of $ 100 , which is no big deal . And there is no deposit for my cable / Internet . I am thinking of not having a home phone for right now , but I guess that will all depend on my cellphone coverage at the house . * I called State Farm and let them know about my new car . So far my rates have gone down $ 55 for 6 months . She told me I will see a drastic change once I move since I am moving to an area with literally no crime . The only thing left to do is find a refrigerator . There is a small business right down the street from my new house that sells used appliances , so I amPosted by Here 's my new car . It 's a 2003 Taurus and I really like it . It drives really smoothly and it feels good to have my own car again . I decided against the VW Bug because since I will be living in a very small town I don 't know any places that would be able to work on it . My new town has a Ford Dealership , so I know if I need to I can get it worked on . Now I just need to come up with a name for her . ( yes I name everything ) Today S and I drove to my new town to take a look at 3 other places just in case we found something better . Bottom line , my little stone house is the best and it 's where I belong . The people renting it out are an older couple that have owned the house since the wife 's aunt passed away in 1979 . The wife is a social worker who also graduated from KU . We met them at the house this afternoon for me to one last look before I officially committed to renting the house . The other time we looked inside was before I interviewed for my job , but seeing it this time I see how everything was suppose to work out exactly the way it did . Here are some pictures of the inside . This first picture is the living room . I love the windows and the fireplace . Can 't you just see Sophie and the cats looking out the windows . This is a picture looking the other way into the living room : I am in love with the build in shelf . And the little shelf to the right is where the phone goes . Love it . Here is the bathroom : There is a huge closet in the bathroom for storage . This is the 2nd bedroom : I think this room will be perfect for a spare bedroom / office . And again , there is tons of storage space . This is looking down the hallway from the 2nd room . The master bedroom is at the end of the hall . There is also a huge closet in the hall . I have no storage space in my apartment , so I am not sure what I will do with all this storage space I will be getting . This is the master bedroom : I am not a huge fan of the carpet , but S likes it and says it adds character to the room . There is a built in vanity that is great . I just love all the built in shelves , etc that are in the house . Here is the kitchen : Most would think this is a small kitchen , but again , the apartment I am in now has literally no kitchen . The little space between the sink and the stove is all the counter space I have now . And there is tons of cabinets for storage . This is the utility room off the kitchen that leads to the garage : Hopefully within a couple of months I will be able to buy a washer / dryer . It wiPosted by Today the claims adjuster came out to my office so I could sign the check for the car . I am not sure what I was expecting , but the guy was actually really nice . I know claims adjusters have a bad rap , but my adjuster seems to be a nice guy . He told me that the guy that hit me admitted that he was not paying attention and was distracted . I was a little surprised that he told me this , but I also think it 's very clear that the wreck was completely his fault . He even shared with me that his 11 year old twin boys have Cystic Fibrous . We also talked about my claim for the personal injury and the how that process will work . I was really surprised at how our entire interaction went . The best part of today . . . . . . By signing the check I have no more ties to Laura . I feel like I should celebrate . I have been waiting for this day since March 7 , 2007 . I don 't hate Laura and I know we had some really good times , but it feels so damn good knowing that we are no longer connected to each other . As I get ready to leave my current job , I can 't help but think about where I was when I started in May 2007 . I am not sure if I have ever shared this , but a week before I started my job I sat in my living room with an entire bottle of sleeping pills and tried to find a reason why I should not just end it all . I had even called Laura 's parents asking them if they could watch Sophie for a day because I didn 't want her there when I killed myself . Thankfully they said they couldn 't watch her . As I sat there I heard s small voice and I decided to call one of my friends . She came right over and talked with me and helped me come up with a plan of how I was going to address all the problems I had . I am so thankful for that friend and the fact that I didn 't give up that night . I also believe that my job and those I work with saved my life . A couple of my co - workers have become my closest friends and I can 't imagine my life without them . It 's going to be hard saying goodbye to them . S had a rough day at work and I hate that I am 2 hours away from her . SoPosted by My apartment building is on a hill and my apartment is on the bottom level and I have to take the steps each time I leave or walk Sophie . I am convinced these stairs are evil . I have fallen many times , the most recent time I about broke my ankle . In the winter they are slick and when it rains they are very slick . If it 's raining there is always water pouring down them and when it snows it usually turns into a sheet of ice . My apartment complex is usually pretty good about clearing them when there is snow or ice on them , but I still find them extremely dangerous . This morning Sophie was very excited to go for her morning walk . As we headed up the stairs she took off running and the next thing I know she tripped and smashed her head right onto one of the cement steps . Hearing her head hit the step was so horrible and it scared the both of us . When I got up to her she was just laying there and had a little bit of blood coming out of her nose . I tried to look her over , but she wanted up and to continue our walk . She seemed to be fine and when we got back to the apartment I looked over her well and there was no more blood and her mouth / teeth seemed fine . She didn 't seem to have a bump on her head and her eyes seemed fine . As I sat at work this morning I kept worrying about her . I wondered if maybe she had a concussion since she hit the step so hard . I decided at lunch to go home and check on her and thankfully she is just fine . She still kind of looks out of it and I will continue to keep an eye on her . I am so thankful that she was not seriously hurt . As I begin the process of moving I am going to start a list of why I am glad I am moving . Today 's post is reason # 1 why I am glad we are moving . . . . there are no stairs in our new home . My poor Ben is not feeling well . When I got home Ben was in my bed and under the covers . This is a common thing so I didn 't think too much about it . But he usually comes out within a few minutes of me being home , but tonight he stayed under there for 2 hours and only came out because I pulled the covers back to see what was going on . He came and sat on my lap and I noticed that he had a watery eye . Poor guy has a cold . I am going to keep an eye on him for the next day or so and if he doesn 't get better then off to the vet we go . I think this picture shows how he really doesn 't feel well . 5 weeks from tomorrow will be my last day at my job . As excited as I am to be moving onto a new part of my life and something I have dreamed about my whole life , it 's going to be really hard to say goodbye to so many people that have become my friends . It 's going to be really hard . Five weeks from Friday this will be my new home . The couple that are renting it called me this morning and said all my references were wonderful and they would love to rent me the house . Yay ! ! They are also being wonderful because they are going to hold the house for me until I move . I knew the minute I pulled up to this house that I belonged here . It 's amazing how everything has worked out so perfectly for me to move closer to S . I am a planner and I could not have planned the way things are just working out for me and S . This house is wonderful because it has wonderful , big windows in the front for Sophie and the cats to look out . Sophie can bark all she wants without any worries of an upstairs neighbor that hates dogs . On Sunday S and I are going to the house to take another look at the inside and I will take some pictures . I can 't wait for this new chapter of my life to start . Lulu looked so sad at the lot today . They wouldn 't let me on the lot , instead they used a fork lift to bring her up to the front where I could get my belongings out . I hated seeing her on the fork lift and then being dropped right in front of me . I know it 's just a car , but I loved Lulu and I will miss driving my Honda . When they first brought the car up I was shocked at how bad the back of the car looked . I am very lucky I was able to walk away from the wreck without more serious injuries . Lulu did a good job in protecting me . I was able to get all my belongings out ; even the stuff from the trunk . I was kind of worried about the stuff in the trunk since it was so smashed up . I was even able to pull this off the car : One of the things that I really wanted to get was Brady 's collar . The day I put him to sleep I put his collar around my gear shift and I never moved it . I was happy that it was still there . Today has been a long day . Two doctors appointments , an appointment with an attorney ( more on that later ) and then saying goodbye to Lulu . I think I need a nap . Last night when I was driving home there was a car in front of me that had a TV screen in the back seat and I was amazed at how clear the picture was . I could tell they were watching some sort of music video and I was just shocked at how clear the picture was . It was almost distracting . Anyway , I tried to take a picture ( not the best thing for someone that was just involved in a car accident ) and this is the picture I got . I thought it was pretty cool and one of my new favorite pictures . Tomorrow I am taking the day off work because I have 2 doctors appointments , an appointment with an attorney that will hopefully help me with a case against the person that hit me and then I need to go get my stuff out of LuLu . I know it will be sad to see her again because I am still so upset about the accident . I loved my Honda so much and tried to take such good care of it . I worked really hard the last two years so I could keep the car . Laura worked really hard to get me to let her have the car , but I told her I would do anything so I wouldn 't have to give up the car . The first thing I thought about when I realized I had been hit was , " I have no idea what I am going to do for a car . " Now that a week has passed since the wreck I am realizing that this wreck has probably been a huge blessing . First of all , I will be completely free of any ties to Laura . You have no idea how wonderful it feels knowing that I never have to talk to her again . After I talked with her last Sunday to tell her about the car I decided that I would let the claims adjuster deal with her . I really feel like I am able to start my new life with S free and clear of my past with Laura . So , I am loving my rental car . It 's a 2009 Ford Focus and it only had 50 miles on it when I picked it up . The best part : . . . . is the satellite radio . I am totally loving the 80s station . I can 't get enough of my 80s music . Last night while I was driving home I listened to Casey Kasem 's Top 40 from January 1984 . Once my finances are settled and a little bit more stable I may need to Posted by Hi Everyone . Just checking to make sure everyone made it . Leave me a comment and let me know that you have arrived safely . Thank you all for wanting to follow me on this journey of mine . The next six weeks will bring lots of changes in my life and I really can 't wait for it all to get started . Thanks for hanging in there with me . BE SURE TO CHECK BELOW FOR NEW POSTSI 've decided to make my blog private . I knew I was going to make my blog private when I moved , but now that I am dealing with the car stuff ( and legal stuff surrounding the wreck ) I think I would feel more comfortable if I knew who was reading my blog and not having all the details out there for anyone to read . Please leave me a comment with your email address so I can get you added to the list . You can also email me ( carolinesemail73 @ yahoo . com ) , but I would prefer you leave a comment with your email . I hope you guys will understand why I need to go into hiding for right now . I will be making my blog private probably next Monday . You guys totally rock and I appreciate all the kindness you guys have shown me . Today was a very good day . I drove up and spent the day with S and we enjoyed a drive in the country and we also spent some time in my soon - to - be hometown . I feel so at home there and know this is where I belong right now . I can 't believe my dream of living in the country will come true in just about six weeks . The icing on the cake is the fact that the woman I love and want to spend the rest of my life will be just 40 minutes away . One of the things that both S and I love doing is looking at old churches . We came across this church that really was in the middle of nowhere and it was just beautiful . I love how S knows so much about all these old churches and knows where the most beautiful ones are . Even though I still have a problem with organized religion , I somehow feel closer to God when I am standing in front of a beautiful church . As I stood there today I looked up and thanked God for seeing me through the car wreck last week and for continuing to give me strength when I think I have none . The elders that told me God would no longer love me when I was disfellowshipped had no idea what they were talking about . Not only has God continued to love me , but I feel that through all the struggles I have gone through He has proved them completely wrong and pulled me in closer to Him . The past six months with S has also shown me how much God has blessed me . When Laura left me I felt I did not deserve to be loved and there must be something wrong with me . The last six months I have realized that not only do I deserve love , but I deserve the best and S certainly is the best of the best . I now know that Laura was not good for me and the break up was a way to get me to the love that I do deserve . S loves me exactly the way I am . Not only does she love all my good traits , but she understands my struggles and even embraces them . Most of the time when I am struggling with something I don 't even have to say anything to her , she just knows . When I feel disappointed in myself she reminds me that I am OK exactly the way I am . I knowPosted by When I first started this blog it was because I felt lost in the world and didn 't know where I fit into the world . After taking several years off to get to know the real Caroline , I think I have finally found my place in the world . I hope you will tag along so I can share with you all the wonderful little things in my life . I now live at the top of the world ( literally ) and I love the view from here . |
Coming back to Oasis Valley hadn 't been a choice she wanted to make but she was out of options . Her friends had been nice enough to let her crash at their place when Dennis had first got arrested and she was too embarrassed to show her face around Oasis Valley . Now that her pregnancy was showing their hospitality was starting to wane . None of her friends had children of their own and started tp act like being pregnant was a contagious disease spread through the air . That 's how she found herself back in Apple Common getting out of her best friends car in front of the house she use to share with Dennis . She didn 't even know what to expect when she opened the door . She hoped that the DA hadn 't thought that she had abandoned the tiny structure and removed all the items . For a second she second guessed the reason that she left the house , a little embarrassment wasn 't bad for anyone . Angelica thought bad at her life and all the times she ended up embarrassed over some guy . She should have been use to it now . She opened the mailbox hoping to find only bills , even if her bank account was still frozen the DA not willing to release her funds until after the auction and everything was settled . Angelica opened the door , struggling with the stack of letters in her hand . She pushed open the door , the air in the room stale for lack of ventilation . Her eyes roamed the area , delighted to see everything right where she had left it . They hadn 't cleared the furniture out yet . You were originally informed that the property was to be confiscated by Winter of this year . As planned all property in the house will be put up for auction this Winter . We plan to have the auction in the middle of the season . You will be given advanced notice of the date and time . So you can have adequate time to prepare . Angelica woke up from her nap with a craving for an ice cream sundae . but a quick glance at the clock told her it was too late to go to Crabtree 's for the snacks . There was also the fact that her feet were swollen twice their normal size , she didn 't have a car and Crabtree 's was a long walk from her home . Deciding to forgo ice cream she headed down stairs and grabbed the phone , settling on Chinese . Not caring that paying the extra for delivery to Oasis Valley will drain her bank further . She then dialed the Wilson 's . " Hey , Kellie . It 's Angelica Alexander . Ummm … . . " She paused nervous , hating to have to ask for help . " Dennis told me to call . " Kellie was not surprised to her Angelica on the other line . Dennis had phoned her house collect a couple of days before and called in the favor she owed him . " Yes , Dennis called early . We know all about it . James and I will be over in a few , we were just waiting for your call . " Angelica waited in the quite living room , trying to plan out what to say . What to ask for . She hated asking for help , it always made her feel weak and she hated feeling weak . The doorbell rang making her jump , she opened the door please to find the delivery driver on the other side . She was grateful that it wasn 't the Wilson , pleased that she would have more time . " Don 't worry about it . I 'll take care of it . " a deep voice bashed her hopes . While James paid for the food , Angelica and Kellie talked in the living . Kellie watched Angelica face as they made small talk , looking for any indication that they other woman knew something . Dennis had ensured her that Angelica knew nothing , that her secret had been safe with him . Kellie didn 't trust him at all and watched Angelica every little move . They sat in silence , eating their meal and watching television . Angelica was having a hard time figuring out how to ask them for help , tactfully . Her normal mode was blunt but the Wilson 's were a nice suburban family a breed she had never dealt . " James was out when Dennis had called , Kellie informed him of the conversation . At least the part where Dennis had knocked up Angelica and the girl was having a hard time . The first thing out of James mouth was " Maybe , she just needs a place to stay while she gets back on her feet . She can stay in our spare room . " Which Kellie had fully anticipated , knowing her husband and his feeling towards Dennis . Kellie studied the younger woman from the moment she opened the door . She didn 't trust that Dennis had not told Angelica all about their past or the favor she owed him . As she watched Angelica the other woman 's body language confirmed that Dennis had told her nothing . That the other woman was struggling even to ask for their . Angelica 's body language was stiff and unsure , her eyes refusing to look directly at either James or Kellie . Kellie launched into a speech . She explained that she and James were about to offer up their guest room . But with a baby on the way the space would be way too cramped . Instead , Angelica and the baby would need their own place . She told Angelica that she would help get her into a home . She would even wave her normal commission . On top of that they would act as cosigners ( if need be ) and if she needed any furniture , Angelica could have the bedroom set in there used guest room . Dennis Hernandez was spent most of his days stuff in his small cell in the special housing unit . Prison officials fit that he would be safer there than with the general population , since the other inmates considered him a snitch . He didn 't mind it so much expect that the days seemed to melt into each other . Dennis had given up hope that someone would visit him , not that he had many friends that would pass the prisons visitor approval process . When he first got there he had hoped for a visit from James Wilson or Patrick Bridgehall , since they were his closest non - felony friends . He quickly gave up that hope as the weeks passed and the only people who visited lawyers turning to get him to give up more information . He was laying in his bed reading a book when a guard came to his door and announced that he had a visitor . He looked at the guard ready to refuse the visit but he wanted to stretch his legs . He stood up walked to his cell door and turned his back , letting the guard slip the handcuffs on him to start his long journey to the visitors center . When he saw Angelica sitting at the cheap visiting room table thought th barred glass doors , he was stunned . He hadn 't seen her since the day they took him away in handcuffs . Dennis spent several moments just looking at her in wonder . Of all the people that he had hoped to visit him , she had never crossed his mind . When he turned himself in , she was barely talking to them even though they lived in the same house and slept in the same bed . Dennis had thought that she had moved on with her life and forgot about him . That was what he expected of her , what they had was not deep or long - term . They had an unspoken agreement , they filled each others needs , when things got to rough they could split . No harm , no foul . Angelica would go her way and he would go his . He was the one to break that agreement by committing crimes , by having a checkered past . He never told her about it and therefore put her in danger . She had a right to be anger and he understood . But for a moment he got excited , excited to see someone who knew him before the bright orange jumpsuit . Dennis looked her over , trying to find some clue about what had caused her cold demeanor . He had thought that with the time her anger would subside , hah thought that was what had brought her to visit him . That she was no longer angry . " Handy work ? What handy work ? What are you talking about ? She rose from the chair resting her hands on the table , using them to help her hoist her increased bulk from the chair . Angelica decided to move slowly , will her body decided to move slowly . She wasn 't used to being this big or her stomach protruding from the rest of her body at such an awkward angle . She watched his face as his eyes traveled down her body at her slow reveal . Angelica noticed that his eyes lingered on her chest , which also had grown . When she finally got out of her seat she walked to the side of the table . Turning sideways so that he could get a good view . She tried to wear clothes that hid her condition as much as possible . " See , what you did ? Or did you just think that I had gotten fat . ? " Angelica arms were moving wildly . " Ms . Alexander , we are going to have to ask you to lower your voice and sit down . " A voice commanded from the corner of the room . Dennis and Angelica glanced at him . Both of them forgetting that they were not alone , that the guards were watching their every movement . " Do ? " Dennis asked , emotions running rampt , his mind trying to come to turns with the fact that he would be a father . Him . He never thought about kids , in fact he never even planned to have them . He had enjoyed the bachlor life , when he was free . " Yes . I lost my job because the reporters were showing up everyday and my boss couldn 't take it anymore . I can 't even support myself right now . How am I suppose to support this ? " She pointed to her stomach glancing down . Than raised her head and waited for his answer . " Don 't worry . I got this . I 'll call in a few favors and there is always James . He is a good guy , he would never let a woman and child go without if he could help it . We go way back . I 'll give James or Kellie a call . They help you . " He hoped when he called Kellie would answer so that he could reminder her of their little bargain and tell her to expect Angelica 's phone call . " As I said James is a good guy and we go way back . Besides Kellie owes me a favor . I 'm the one that hooked her up with James . If it weren 't for me they would never have gotten together . " Angelica as way beyond skeptical . Sure she knew that Dennis and James had been friends a long time ago but that was before . Before it all went to hell and he got arrested . Why would they help her , they didn 't even know her . So what , if he played matchmaker and introduced them ? That didn 't mean anything . She was tired and she could feel her shoes getting tighter . She wiggled her feet , hating what pregnancy was doing to her body , she could even go half the day without her feet swelling up . " I have to get out of here . " He stood , coming to the side of the table . Ready to help her stand but she waved him off shaking her head . The looked at each other for a minute , his eyes focusing on her stomach where his baby nested . " Can 't I at least get a hug ? " He pulled her close and whispered into her ear . " Don 't worry , I got this . When I orginally wrote this months ago , I had every intention on making it short . And it was shorter until I started editing it . I fully blame NanoWriMo for this . Because of NanoWriMo , I am trying to take all my writing endevours a little bit more seriously and that includes updates to Oasis Valley . I like the edited version better anyways , the first draft was not as good . I had Dennis impregnant Angelica on purpose . I was scared that if he didn 't have a baby now than he never would . He is one of my orginal CAS and I have a strong desire to see them procreate . Even if that means I have to step in and do it myself . Something that I did learn after forcing the pregnancy was that ACR had an option to allow unmarried couples to try for a baby and I had it turned off . I did not know that was the reason why my unmarried couple that lived together never tried . Why didn 't someone tell me ? Baby Hernandez is due this Winter . I am about a round ahead in actually game playtime so I know the sex and name of the already . I aged the baby up and am very pleased with the why it is going to look as an adult . The house was pretty tense for the next few weeks . Dennis tried to get ANgelic to sit and talk with him . He wanted her to know that he hadn 't left her completely alone and the Kellie Wilson would help her out . Of course , he wasn 't going to tell her that he was blackmailing Kellie but since Angelica was now avoiding him , she heard none of it . When the day for him to surrender himself finally arrived he had thought of running . Which he only entertained briefly . He knew that running would only make things worse . When the doorbell rung , he stated to ANgelica " I 'll get it " . Not that she was talking to him . He was disappointed to see DA Smallwood at the front door . He had hoped that she would forget him and give him at least one more day of freedom . " No problem . That will give the girls time to discuss with Angelica how everything is going to work . " If he wasn 't already in enough trouble and owned a gun he would have shot her right between the eyes . Why did she have to sound so smug ? Peggy Crabtree was the one left to explain how the seizure of the property and bank account was going to work . " I know this is hard for you but we are going to try to do it as quickly as possible . The state has already put a hold on all the accounts and today we will take an inventory of everything in the house . Everything should be finished by the winter after next , approximately one year from now . " " One year ? " Angelica said with growing dread . She thought things would go faster . That she would be able to get the little they were letting her keep and get out of dodge quickly . She thought wrong . " Our records indicate that you have a legitimate form of employment so money shouldn 't be an issue . You 'll just have to live off that . After Darcy puts down the video game controller , she will help you fill out the necessary forms . " As Angelica was filling out the paperwork , Dennis finally made his way downstairs and out the front door . He thought that it was more than a little inappropriate for Shirleen and Peggy to already be performing a celebratory dance . At least they could have waited until his taxi had left . Maybe he should be happy . They could have handcuffed him and put him in the back of a squad car . But still did they have to dance ? The last and final part Dennis little melodrama . There are still a few loose ends that I need to tie up . But you won 't be seeing that much of Dennis Hernandez from now on . He will become a playable NPC . I downloaded a jail for MTS2 to place him in . I haven 't quite decided what to do with Angelica . I don 't know if I should make her ad playable NPC ( since she was a townie ) or just have her keep Dennis 's spot as playable . Just a little background . Peggy Crabtree is an assistant attorney to Shirleen Smallwood ( the DA ) . She wants to be an environment lawyer but until she earns her stripes she is working in the public sector . Darcy Merrick is the secretary . She is best friends to James Wilson ( but doesn 't know Dennis ) and is a playable NPC . I just realized I never actually stated who Dennis was going to testify against . I might have hinted at it in earlier post but I never actually stated it . So , in the spirit of trying to keep thing a little coherent . I am not going to tell you . You 'll see later in Round 9 , maybe . Dennis had been avoiding everyone since the night of the poker game . As judgement day got closer and closer , life began to get harder and harder to deal with . First it had been the phone calls . They had started off as the childish prank type . Someone calling at all hours of the day and night than hanging up just as he or Angelica answered . He thought it would go away and they would get bored and stop . It didn 't , instead it escalated . The once silent hang ups were replaced with a whispered voice making not so thinly veiled threats like " snitches get stitches " . That is what led him into seclusion at first , the phone calls . James was another reason why he went in self - induced hiding . It wasn 't that James intended to force Dennis to hide out but James kept stopping by to talk to him . It was mostly catch - up , how are you doing conversations but they still had away of making Dennis feel guilt . The first couple of times he opened the door but after a while he would hide upstairs and wait for James to give up and leave . There was two people that he wished he could avoid but couldn 't . The first was Shirleen Smallwood . She had a tendency to check up on him often . She was afraid that he would disappear or change his mind about testifying . He should have told her he wasn 't going to run or change his mind . He had decided it was time to pay the piper . Dennis didn 't tell her that instead he let her worry . Her worrying made him feel powerful , he had so little power left and he refused to let his hold on her go . So , he answered the door every time she stopped by and smile when she questioned if he was still going to testify . Angelica was the second , he couldn 't avoid her because they lived together and the house was so small . She hadn 't done anything to him but he felt like he let her down . Only he hadn 't made any promises to her , yet , and she didn 't even know that he had let her down . Dennis knew that he should have told her about his " little situation " a longtime ago . Instead he waited , waited to the last minute and now he was about to announce it at dinner about a week before he was going to be sent to the slammer . It felt all felt awkward and uncomfortable , he hoped he didn 't look as nervous as he really was . " Spit what out ? " He knew he should have just told her his problem to get it all over with but for some reason he couldn 't . He had been holding it in for so long , now when he had the chance it he could form the words . " Dennis , I know something is up . Do you think I 'm stupid ? I have been answering the phone and hearing those creepy phone calls too . I also noticed that you don 't answer the door anymore unless it is for DA Smallwood . Why does she stop by all the time ? " He always admired that trait in her . Angelica had an amazing ability to go directly to the point , never taking the scenic route . He could almost see the wheels in her head spinning as her mind worked out the puzzle " Ohhhh my God ! You 're in trouble . Aren 't you ? Dennis , what the hell did you do ? " " I didn 't actually do anything that bad . I may have gotten involved with the wrong people and I may have driven someone somewhere . There may have been a dead body found in the place where I may have driven someone . But that 's it . " He couldn 't understand why he just didn 't tell her the truth , without all the fillers and " may haves " " You ' may have ' ? Basically you 're an accessory to murder . " Once again taking the direct route . Her voice was calm and that jilted his composure even more . " Several other things ? Shut up . Just shut up and eat . " Her voice was no longer calm . It seemed that all she need was for him to confirm her conclusions before she lost her composure too . They ate in silence , neither one even attempting to speak . They were both trapped in their own thoughts , the silence was thick and suffocating . When he looked around at the other tables , he was envious . Other couples were enjoying their food , laughing , flirting , having a grand time . But here they were almost like two strangers , sitting side by side . As they got up from the table he could have sworn he heard her say " Why do I always pick the losers . " " You know this all happened when I was younger . It 's just catching up to me now . I regret everything I did then . When I was young , I just wanted to be a part of the game " He knew that what he was saying didn 't make any sense and may have sounded like excuse but he felt a need to try to explain . " When is the trial ? " She was trying to maintain what little of her composure she had left . They were in public and she didn 't want to make a scene . Besides he wasn 't the first boyfriend that she ever had that got thrown in jail . " There isn 't going to be a trial . At least for me . " He let out a heavy breathe . Now for the tough part . " I made a deal with Smallwood . For my help , I will only have to serve a maximum of 20 years with the possibility of parole for good behavior . " " We ? 75 % ? " Angelica was in shock . For a minute she sat there and hoped that she was going deaf and maybe heard him wrong . She had saved up a nice little nest egg before moving in with Dennis . If she believed him and what he said was true , it was now all gone . She was too young to go deaf , therefore what he was saying was true . She threw up her hands in frustration . " Yes … to both questions . Remember we combined our bank accounts . The DA 's office said they would have taken it all . But they 're offering you something so you wouldn 't be completely penniless . " " JUST SHUT UP ! I 'm tired of listening to this . WHY ME ? " WHY FUCKING ME ? " She screamed before jumping up from the bench and storming away . I have decided to make it a three part series . With the first part being Patrick 's update and this as the second part . The next and final installment ( sort of ) will be rather short . After that I will do a post rehashing all the facts and stuff . Things were all going pretty well . They danced a little , socialized a little and hit the bar up a lot . Maybe it was the bar that did it . Dennis was feeling great , carefree and the bartender that night was one of the best . All he knew when he woke up was that his head was pounding , his throat was dry , and his stomach was growling . Dennis slowly climbed out the bed , barely glancing at Angelica and headed downstairs to fix breakfast . He heard her as she walked into the kitchen to grab a plate but his head hurt to much to think about why she hadn 't left yet . It was the headache the caused the delay in his reaction when she said " Thanks for inviting me to stay here . It will save me so much money and I can finally get out of my dingy apartment . " It was the ringing in his ears that made him realize that he most likely heard her wrong . The fog quickly cleared when she patted his hand and thanked him again . The breakfast that had been enjoyable just minutes before now felt like lead in his stomach . He felt his body break out into a cold sweat and his stomach was ready to rebel . But there was nothing he could do , he now had a live in girlfriend . Dennis was sure that things could not get any worse . What could be worse than having a causal girlfriend move in with you ? Dennis found out soon enough that things could and would get worse . When the knock first came at the door , he didn 't think anything of it . He even invited the older women in , since the air outside was had a nice crisp fall chill to it . He regretted being courteous right after the introductions were made . Shirleen : I would tell you not to play dumb . But I sure that some of it is not part of your act . We know what you did . We have proof and witnesses . Shirleen insisted that there was not going to be any deals . She tried to convince him that the DA 's office did not make deals with criminals . But Dennis wasn 't fooled one bit . She needed him and she would be make a deal with him . When she walked out the door he knew that she would be back , with a deal in hand . Until she did Dennis decided to splurge on life . He knew his days were numbered and wanted to enjoy time . Angelica was excited about taking a vacation and when Dennis announced that it was to the beach she clapped her hands in glee . They left at the end of the fall . The snow had just started to fall on the ground . Angelica was excited about lying on the beach and later bragging to all her friends about how wonderful Ailana was . Dennis was just excited about getting away . Which just reminded him of why he didn 't want a " real " girlfriend in the first place , they were demanding and bosses . If he wanted to worry about the DA he should be able to do it free and not have to worry about his " girlfriend " harping at him . Karma was starting to kick in . ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ I 'm Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaacccccccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkk . I know that it has been a really longtime . But real life has been a monster . First , I had tons of internet problems , my connections was spotty ( and still is ) but now it is a little better . Secondly , I had to do some major job searching and finally found one . Now that RL is finally settled I am back to simming and the interweb . I have missed you guys so much . I am really backed up on all my reading and have spent most of the day reading up on other 's blogs . As a refresher way back when Oasis Valley was in its infancy Dennis had a job where he had to drive someone out of time . They stopped at a repair shop . When he returned home , the front page news announced the repair shop 's owners death ( aka the mechanic ) . It looks like his deeds may be finally catching up to him . I mentioned awhile back that I had a game glitch and more than one round of game play . Dennis ' house was one of the ones lost . I originally move in his other " girlfriend " Claudia Cheshire because she was that best looking of the two . But I changed it when I played the house again . I decided to pick the one that he had the most chemistry with . The only reason that I moved her in is because I plan to use her as a baby making factory . Dennis needs a child to pass his genes on to . My sims have no choice but to breed , at least until my neighborhood gets bigger . Read Full Post » Dennis : I 'm telling you man this is the best job in the world . All I have to do is go to some restaurant , then write about it . Then a check come in the mail . To top it all off girls dig writers . Dennis Hernandez loved bing a restaurant guide writer , maybe more than he loved being in a crime ring . The work was easy and non - time consuming , not to mention legal . In fact he got to do one of his favorite tings while working , date . And all he need to do was to turn in one article a month to receive a huge check . The lack of actually having to go to work and answer to a boss left a lot of times on his hands to think . One of his thoughts was to host a party . There were never parties in Oasis Valley . In fact , the town was pretty dull . He invited everyone he knew in Oasis Valley . Since they had nothing else better to do all of them showed up . It would have been easier to enjoy the party if the only problem was the lack of space but his new neighbor , Allyn Thomason , was getting on his nerves . Not only was she standing in front of the television . She also asked a lot of silly questions . Dennis gave up on trying to watch the ball game and decided to mingle . Well , not exactly mingle . More like flirt with Virginia Duffy . They were enjoying themselves . Neither Dennis or Virginia thought about how her girlfriend , Sara Simmions , would feel about their actions . After that spectacle , Dennis quickly called an end to the party . What was the point of watching two girls fight if there wasn 't mud or oil involved ? Later that night his trash can was knocked over . He thought he heard a laugh right before he heard the can hit the concrete . Dennis and Virginia didn 't flirt autonomously . I directed that action . I just wanted to see what would happen and I am sort of bored with Virginia and Sara 's relationship . So , we will see what the fall out is next round . I love the little house on Apple Common but they are way to small for parties and such . I 've decided not to post Dennis Hernandez Family tree til later . Because ( 1 ) I 'm lazy and ( 2 ) he is the only sim out of my original three single sims ( Maria and James being the other two ) that is still unmarried . So , his tree hasn 't changed any , yet . Read Full Post » I can fully understand how and why I got involved with this woman . But I cannot understand what lead me to introduce her to James . That 's a lie . I wanted the power and prestige that went along with being part of Eaton 's biggest crime ring . So , when she asked for an introduction I did it . And look what t got me , a might possibly ( make that am ) an accessory to murder . And on top of that , the nicest most innocent guy I know has fallen in love with the boss 's second in command . Something told me to stay in bed today but now that I am up and outside . I have to listen to my former boss and James current girlfriend , Kellie , talk . Thankfully , she didn 't talk for long and I was able to escape with few brain cells still left . I know she thinks that I am stupid and that is good . That is how I want it . I am waiting for this chic , Angelica , to show up . But for some reason she is late . Normally , I would have just went home . But Kellie practically lived on Apple Common now and I didn 't want to take the chance of running into her for a second time today . So , instead I decided to hang around and take a ride on the dance sphere . Finally Angelica showed up . What 's up with this guy , first she come late . Then she has the nerves to come looking like a mess . I know she wasn 't attractive when I met her . But I thought that she would at least put in some effort . I tried to play nice though . Claudia was busy tonight so I couldn 't ditch Angelica for her . Then to top it off when we went to dinner she order an ice cream float . Not as a dessert but as her main meal . If she keeps eating like that not only will she be ugly , she will also be fat . But thank god that Claudia was free later in the week . I don 't think that I could survive another evening with bad hat girl . I really liked Claudia she is an adventurous girl and know the difference between dinner and dessert . I am still trying to think of a way to warn James about his girl . But how exactly do you tell someone that you were involved in a crime ring with the girl that you hooked them up with . And not only was she in the crime ring but she was the second in command and helped kill someone . And you know this because she called you to be the getaway driver . That was hard . It 's doesn 't help matters that James is always so happy and talks about her constantly . I really liked writing this entry . It brought out Dennis attitude much better than I could have hoped . This is the type of person that I think he is when I play him in the game . It is nice to be able to finally convey him that why to you guys . |
I 've spent the last six years looking for a cure for the nameless sickness eating me up . If I believed there was one out there , I would keep searching . But there isn 't , so I 've come back home , where my past and present tangle . Come home to live . . . and to die . But my father insists I meet Kin . He 's a healer , and determined to help , even though I 'm not so hopeful anymore . But Kin isn 't what I expected , in any way . He sees me , not my illness . He reminds me of what it 's like to be alive . And I can 't help falling for him , even though I know it isn 't fair to either of us . Kin thinks he has the cure I 've been looking for , but it 's a cure that will change everything : me , my life , my heart . If I refuse , I could lose Kin . But if I take it , I might lose myself . This title comes with no special warnings . Caution : The following details may be considered spoilerish . Click on a label to see its related details . Click here to toggle all details . Heat Wave : 3 - Off - screen or non - explicit love scenes Erotic Frequency : 2 - Not many Genre : urban fantasy / paranormal , romance Gender : cisgender Orientation : gay Pairing : male / male Age : 20s Ending : happy for now Tone : intense , literary Themes : death / the afterlife , family , hurt / comfort , illness / injury , immortality , interracial / multicultural , legends Era : contemporary Settings : America , country , different Earth Careers : healer Species : faerie , ningyo Chapter One Sometimes , when the weather was just turning from autumn to winter , and the last of the late fruit was clinging to the trees , we partied in the apple orchard . The stories always talk about fey partying , and mostly those stories are true . The fey love a good revelry . They love the music and the fire and the food and the complete abandon of it all . And the apple orchard was as good a place as any to do it . It belonged to my father , and I 'd laid the glamour on it myself . It was hidden , tucked away , the perfect place to get lost , let go . Most nights when I went to the fey parties , I enjoyed myself . Everyone pretended a bit at those gatherings . I could be someone else there . Or no one . I got a few sideways glances , and most of the fey still kept their distance . But I could be lesser there . Or more . The fey let me pretend for a while that I was a whole thing , not a creature living in two worlds . That I wasn 't my father 's son . I loved being able to disappear into the fey , become invisible . There was a freedom in it I found almost nowhere else . But sometimes , I hated them . Sometimes even the sneakiest glances were like weights , levered against me . Sometimes I didn 't want to be anywhere near the fey , didn 't want to spend my midnight hours in the middle of a cold , damp apple orchard , no matter how beautiful the music was . No matter how much I liked the way the bonfire turned the trees ' branches red and gold . Sometimes I just wanted to be home , curled in my bed , warm and alone and safe . But some of the fey found it easier to deliver messages to me here , make requests , and it was my job to listen . I stood at the edge of the lit area , close enough that I could see the fire in the middle of the little clearing , but deep enough into the dark between the trees that no one tried to pull me forward to dance . I switched from resting on one foot to the other . The ground was frosted over , the weather far colder than it should have been for this time of year , for this place . Even my leather boots couldn 't keep the chill from seeping in , not when I was standing still like this , away from the warmth of the fire and the fey , my back against the old tree 's gnarled trunk . A tiny woman appeared at my elbow . Her head barely came up to the middle of my chest , and I was not a tall man . Her hair was a wild puff of blond curls , frizzy and disarrayed but downy . The way it fell over her shoulders , soft and flyaway , made me want to touch it . She wore a thick sweater , holes here and there in the weave of it letting the cold air in . Her feet were bare . She turned her face away and watched the dancers . For a long time , she said nothing , but I didn 't need to remind myself to be patient . I was used to the way the fey got distracted , lost track of conversations . I waited , letting my body go still so she wouldn 't think I was restless . I didn 't get any more out of her after that . Her mind was caught in the music , in the flutes and fiddles and the pulsing beat of the drums . I glanced around for Saben , but either her messenger had mixed up her times , or Saben hadn 't bothered to wait for me , because she wasn 't there . I admit I didn 't search too hard . I wanted to leave . I didn 't go straight home , though . I had to drive through the center of the city to get back to my house , tucked out of the way and far from my father like it was . It was the weekend , and the streets were packed , people walking to and from clubs and bars and restaurants , arms around each other , faces lit up , maybe a bit rosy - cheeked from drinks . It all seemed so far away from me . I was still wrapped up in the fey , their music stuck in my mind , calling to me , just like it 'd called to Saben 's messenger . I wanted to get it out of my head , the lot of it . I found a place to park , not far from a few of the clubs . I picked one at random and ducked inside . The room opened onto a bar and a few tables . There was another door off to the side , a bouncer standing in front of it . I paid him the cover , and he opened the door so I could walk down a steep set of stairs , narrow slats that caught at my boots . I stopped halfway down , squashing myself to one side so I wouldn 't block anyone , and glanced around the room . It was darker down there , of course , and warmer . The shadows were highlighted with bright flashes of pink and purple and blue , sparks of light that came and went . They illuminated just enough that I could make out the mass of people , all tangled together on the dance floor . The music was something thumpy and deep and electronic . It pushed at me , made my heart beat faster , but in a way that was totally different from the fey music . This sound , this place , wasn 't forcing me into anything . I was being asked . I wasn 't sure that I had the energy to join the crowd , but I wanted to be near them , near all that humanity . I made my way down the rest of the stairs and around the edge of the dancers , dodging people who were too lost in themselves to watch where they were dancing . I found an empty spot against one wall , and I tucked myself into it , pressing my back against the concrete . Blending in so I could watch . So I could lose myself in a completely different way than I usually did with the fey . I let my gaze drift around the room , stopping whenever I saw someone who caught my attention . There were fey here too . I 'd expected it - they loved to party , no matter where the party was taking place , and there were more than a few who had no problem interacting with the human world . No humans would notice if they weren 't searching for something out of the ordinary . The fey glamours were good . But my eyes snagged on hair that was too feathery , glittery skin , the soft flutter of wings , all of which could have been a costume or my imagination , but weren 't . I ignored them . They didn 't really matter anyway . They weren 't there to see me , and I wasn 't there to see them . And this place , for once , was more my world than theirs . I swayed back and forth with the music and the flickering lights . The crowd moved in a lazy way , and I watched them in a lazy sort of way . I wasn 't looking for anyone in particular , didn 't even expect to stay long . I just wanted to be part , even a fringe part , of something different , for a few minutes . My eyes snagged on a bright - blue shimmer . I turned my head , searching for whatever it was I 'd seen , that deep - aqua light . It sparkled again , and I saw the boy , the man , it had come from . He was maybe a bit taller than me , his skin lightly tanned , his hair long and black and straight , loose over his shoulders . The sparkle had come from the flecks of glittery color at the corners of his eyes , across one cheekbone , down the side of his neck . He raised his hands over his head , and I saw splashes of green , shining and catching the lights of the club . If I hadn 't known , if I wasn 't always so aware of things that were different , I would have thought the shimmer was makeup or some elaborate jewelry . But I 'd spotted the other fey in the crowd , and I knew this man was one too . I wanted to turn away . I 'd come to get away from all things otherworldly , not to latch on to it , even in this indirect way . But I couldn 't take my eyes off him . He was sleek and graceful and beautiful . He didn 't act like the other fey . Fey don 't seem self - conscious , to the outside observer , but they are . They always want to be noticed , want someone to be staring at them , watching them , falling in love with them . Most of the fey I 'd spotted in the club were either clustered together , doing their damnedest to attract attention , or they were wooing some poor unsuspecting human . Or both . But this man was solitary . He was dancing with his head thrown back , his eyes closed , his arms lifted . He didn 't focus on anyone , and he danced by himself . He was in the middle of the crowd , and it was as if he was absorbing the energy of the music and the people around him through his skin , pulling it in , but he wasn 't trying to move closer to anyone . While I watched , a girl bumped into him . He opened his eyes and looked down at her , laughing and waving away her apology . She smiled back at him , and gestured to the gaggle of young men and women around her . An invitation if I 'd ever seen one . But the man with the glitter on his skin smiled again , a little gentler , and shook his head . The girl shrugged and drifted back into the crowd . The man twisted his body , a sinuous flick of movement that pushed him in the opposite direction . While he drifted away , he glanced up , and his eyes met mine . He didn 't smile at me like he 'd smiled at the girl . His shoulders went a little straighter , though , and he held my eyes . He was still swaying to the music . He should have had to break our stare sooner . But we watched each other for long seconds . I took him in , the black hair falling in his eyes , the slender line of his throat , the splashes of color across his skin . Scales , I thought . Like fish scales or snake scales , chips of blue and green and purple . He was as beautiful as I 'd thought , lithe and elegant . I wondered if he 'd keep staring at me . I wondered if he 'd come over . Or if I 'd go to him . I almost wanted to , wanted to press myself against him , feel the way he moved while he danced . My heart beat harder in my chest , hard enough that I could feel its rhythm over the thump of the music . A group of people danced between us , blocking him from my view . I looked down , and when I looked back up , he was gone . I could have searched for him , waited until I caught sight of his colors again . But I didn 't let myself . I shook my head and inched my way back around the crowd . I was tired and achy , and I 'd seen something better than I 'd planned . It was time to go . My sister , Saben , was staying in an apartment near the outskirts of the city , where there was less iron in the air . It was still more iron than she could handle , and she didn 't belong there , but she pretended it didn 't matter . I didn 't know why she was doing it . Maybe so she could prove something to me , or to our father , or to herself in her mind . It was all a guess to me , and it didn 't matter much , anyway . She wasn 't really any of my business . When I got to her apartment , the door was ajar , and I pushed it open the rest of the way , letting myself in . Saben was standing in the kitchen . She spun toward me , no surprise on her face , like she 'd already known it was me before she even saw me . Her arm lifted . I squinted at it . " A kettle . " I couldn 't blame her for not knowing . It was one of those artsy , modern types , with more angles than any kettle really needed . And the fey didn 't really deal in kettles anyway . She set it back down on the stove and watched me while I took in her apartment . It was small , just a tiny living room and kitchen , and a bedroom I couldn 't see . I knew her rooms at our father 's house weren 't much bigger , but they felt bigger , more opulent and airy , the curtains always thrown open to catch a breeze , the puffed pillows pleasantly chilly when you lay down against them , the carpets thick and stark white . This place was cramped and dingy , gray , and a bit too warm with the afternoon sun coming in through the window . But Saben didn 't seem to notice . She considered it with me , and although she didn 't smile , her face lit up a little as if she actually liked what she saw . " Where are the apples ? " I asked . She squinted her eyes at me . I shook my head , dismissing the question . " I have the knives for your errand girl , " I said , and pulled them from my pocket to put them on the counter . She narrowed her eyes , her mouth clamping into a tight line , and I looked away . I remembered when she was small . I remembered when she was milk thistle fuzz I could hold in my hands . She had been soft and agreeable and I 'd loved her . She straightened her spine , stretching every vertebra , even though , as inadequate as my own height was , she would never quite reach it . The fact of my height didn 't stop her from pretending we were eye to eye , though . " Father wants you to do something . " I didn 't even need to listen to what it was . " Get one of your girls to do it , " I answered right away . " Or one of your boys . " " What is it , then ? " It hadn 't always been this way between us . I hadn 't always been forced to pry information out of her like I was pressing water from stone . She shrugged , a short , sharp rise and fall of her shoulders . Her hand snuck out , and she touched the handle of one of the knives I 'd laid on the counter . " No . Yokai . " Sometimes when we talked , when we were together , I thought she would act like a human . Normal . Sometimes I thought she 'd take down her walls and smile at me , or touch my hand like she 'd done as a child , or complete a sentence in a way that didn 't drip with how high - class fey she was , with how different from me she was . But she never gave me an inch . She hadn 't for a long time . It was bad timing on my part , to cough right then . It meant I couldn 't argue . Not when it was obvious that a person who fixed things was exactly what I needed . I sighed and tried to figure out what to say to get myself out of this . " I told him I wasn 't going to do this anymore . That when I came home , I was done . " I 'd been gone for years , had traveled pretty far , searching for healers , for answers . I hadn 't spent all of that time searching , that was true . A lot of it had been spent living , because there wouldn 't always be much time for me to do that . I 'd spent those years getting lost , pretending I was someone else , someone whole in all the ways I was half . But I 'd searched too . It was why I 'd gone , and I had wanted an answer . I hadn 't made it to Japan . But I doubted that mattered . I 'd come home because there wasn 't anyone who could do what I needed . It didn 't matter where they were from or what kind of healing they did . And there wasn 't anywhere on the planet that could make me someone else , either . So I 'd come back . She raised her eyes , too fast . I stared at her , waiting , but she didn 't say anything . Didn 't shrug or nod or shake her head . She just stared back at me . " You want me to go , " I said , slowly , " so you can tell him you did as he wanted and made me . " Her eyes flickered away from mine at that , and I nodded . " You said it wasn 't a job . But it is . It 's a job for me . Right ? " She didn 't answer , but it didn 't matter . I would go , because she 'd delivered me a message , and my job was to follow those messages , whatever they were . I wasn 't her brother . I was her errand boy . I found her pocket knives to core apples with . I touched iron when her people couldn 't . I told her about kettles . I did as she told me . Saben didn 't know much about the healer at all , except that he was here in the city , that he 'd come up from a short ways south , apparently because there was more for him to do here . That he was a yokai and a man . That my father had heard about him through whatever fey grapevine he was tapped into and decided I needed to go . She didn 't know where this healer slept , where he lived , who he was aligned with in the fey world . She had set up a meeting through some of her people , the string of young fey who trailed around after her , so she 'd never even spoken to him . I was supposed to meet him in a park . It was a big park , with lots of tucked - away spots to get lost in , and it was neutral territory . Clever , but most fey were interested in taking care of themselves above all else , so it wasn 't really surprising . Saben told me to go in the afternoon , didn 't even give me a definitive time . That was more annoying than trucking it down to the park to see a fey I didn 't even really want to meet , because I knew how fey worked , how they thought of time as this malleable thing they could play with . I knew there was every chance I 'd show up , and the yokai wouldn 't , and my day would be shot . Saben had told me to walk to one end of the park , to a tiny pond with an even tinier waterfall . The spot was hidden behind a copse of trees , and it was chilly enough in the early evening that there weren 't too many other people around . The pond had a small clearing around it , a flat stretch of grass between the trees and the water . I stood on the edge of the tree line , a glamour pulled around me to hide myself , and looked for the man I was supposed to meet . I didn 't see anything at first , and I figured I 'd been right that he would be flighty , like all the other fey I knew , that he 'd forget he was supposed to meet me , distracted by something more interesting . But then there was a short splash , a spray of water from the pond , and I realized a man was swimming to shore . He rose a little way out of the water , the sun sparkling off the droplets beading on his skin . His hair was black and slicked back , showing off the long planes of his face . He shook his head , brushed his hands down his arms . Then he stepped to the bank of the pond , out of the water . He stooped and picked up a long piece of cloth and draped it around his waist . It was almost like a skirt , but not quite . I watched him for a second . There was something familiar about him , about the graceful way he moved . He bent forward again , picking up something else off the ground , and I saw a thick line of blue - green scales running down his back . I 'd seen those same scales before - not on his back , but on his face and his wrists . In the club , with the lights bouncing off them and making them shine , while he tipped his head back and gave himself over to the music . I didn 't step out or call to him . I just dropped the minimal glamour I 'd been holding , and the minute I did , he turned to where I was standing against the tree . I took a step forward . Now that I was here , I wasn 't sure what should happen next . I 'd been planning to brush him off , to do whatever it 'd take to make my father believe I 'd completed his task , and leave . But now this man was staring at me , and I knew that he recognized me too , remembered me from that brief , sharp stare we 'd shared the night before . He didn 't make a move toward me , though . Didn 't speak . He just stood there , his back straight , his chest bare , water dripping off the ends of his hair , wetting his cheeks and his jaw and the line of his shoulders . He was so regal , so strong and lovely , as lovely as when I first saw him . I thought of Saben and my father , the icy , excruciatingly polite high - court fey that they were . Sidhe , same as I was . They used formality and manners as weapons , always had them to fall back on , and I could do the same here . I rested my hand , tucked into a fist , against my chest and bowed . When I rose from it , the man stepped toward me . He faced me , his shoulders back , his hands loose at his sides . He was slender , maybe small by some standards , but standing there , he was like cut glass , like copper wire . It seemed as if he 'd draw blood if I touched him . Scales shimmered unevenly over his skin - along his left cheekbone , down the right side of his neck , tapering to nothing over the first two knuckles of his right hand . " Not completely . " There was a part of me that wanted to jerk my chin up , to face him squarely , to beat him back with what I was . But I couldn 't make myself do it . He was right . I hesitated , then nodded . " I came from the court of the sidhe . My father sent me to see you . He thought . . . " I studied him , this man , tilted my head and ran my eyes from head to toe . He looked like a warrior . Not a healer . But he stayed still and let me stare , let me judge him , and it made me feel . . . better . Safer . " He thought you could help me . " It wasn 't a little cough that I could contain , like it had been at Saben 's apartment . It was a thing that tightened and twisted and grew inside me , so that the more I coughed , the worse it was , until I thought I might expel something important . Like a lung . It hurt , deep in my chest , but the pain was a distant thing , because I couldn 't breathe , couldn 't get any air in , and the panic over that blocked out every other thing in my mind . I clapped a hand over my mouth , trying to stop myself , to get control , but then I had to double over . I reached out with my other hand , blind , searching for the tree I 'd been leaning against , for anything I could use to keep myself upright . " Breathe through your nose . " His voice was so deep , so even , right by my ear . He was holding me up , his hands strong on me , and knowing I wasn 't about to go down let me calm myself enough that I could try to do as he said . " Breathe , " he repeated . " In . Count . " He started counting , then breathed in with me when I did . I coughed again , but he was patient , waited , and then started counting and breathing with me again . His palm skated over my back , soothing . His touch made me want to shiver , made me want to lean into it , but I couldn 't think about it , do anything about it , while I was coughing . It took me a few long minutes , but the coughing subsided . It always did . I knew it would . It was just frightening while it happened . I straightened , and he stepped away from me . I pulled my hand from my mouth and wiped it on my jeans . My fingers left a rust - red streak on the fabric . I covered the spot with my palm . But I hadn 't meant it quite so literally . I meant that the coughing and the illness and the tiny streak of red under my hand were a product of my blood , my DNA . It was a product of who I was . " It 's the fey blood . The glamour , the longevity , the magic , whatever you want to call it . I don 't even really know . My fey half . It eats at my human half . " I raised my eyebrows and shrugged . " They didn 't tell you much about me , did they ? " I was surprised , a bit . My father 's court knew about me , the oddity , the half creature that shouldn 't exist , and they liked to gossip about me amongst themselves . Maybe not so much with outsiders , though . " No . " He raised a hand and pushed his hair back . It had started to dry , the shorter pieces in front falling into his face . " Just that you were sick . " He ran his gaze over my face , and I knew what he was trying to find . The markers , the things that would tell him what I was . The way my hair was a strange reddish - orange - fey . The lavender gray of my eyes - fey . The too - sharp points of my features , my relatively short stature , my pale freckles - all human . " They didn 't tell me you were half . " " I 'm a secret . " He was still staring at me , and there was something in his eyes that I thought was fear . I might have thought he was afraid of me , if my ego was large enough . But my ego wasn 't , and even though I didn 't know him , it was obvious by the power in his body and the way he held himself that he didn 't have anything to fear from me . And I wondered if maybe the fear had lodged in his face when I 'd started coughing . If , even though he 'd been so calm , I 'd scared him by being so breakable . " You 're not really supposed to know . You 're not supposed to know that a flawed thing like me was created . That my father made such a huge mistake as to fall in love with a human . No one talks about it . Or they shouldn 't . " I shrugged , very carefully . Just one small lift of my shoulder so I wouldn 't set myself coughing again . I wasn 't a very well - kept secret , but I was a secret nonetheless . " Is it just your lungs ? " He reached behind him while he asked , gathering his hair into a ponytail at the base of his neck . He dug into a pocket and came out with a tie to secure it . I was surprised , because most fey don 't ask and don 't offer . A name can be useful , powerful , and it 's not something to give away lightly . But I 'd grown up in the human world , for the most part , and I liked that he wanted to know . " Luca , " I told him . " Human , " I finished for him , the word clipped . I wanted to take in a deep breath , steady myself , but I was afraid that would start the coughing all over again . " Was . " " Kin , " I repeated . I wrapped my arms around myself . The sun was starting to sink , and it seemed like it was getting colder by the second . " I 'd like to sit down . In my car . Where it 's warm . " I probably sounded too abrupt , rude , but the coughing spell had drained me , and I couldn 't make myself be more polite . " So if you could . . . " I shrugged , because I wasn 't sure what I wanted from him . The thing is , I 'd been to dozens of doctors and healers and witch workers and shamans , human and fey . At first it had just been about trying to figure out what was happening . Then , as my sickness had gotten worse , it 'd been about searching for a cure . My parents had been desperate when I was a child , and I hadn 't even been that sick yet . After I graduated high school and my mother died , my father sent me away . He couldn 't leave the city and his court . But he 'd wanted me to keep searching . And for a long time , I 'd wanted to keep searching too . I 'd kept thinking that there must be someone out there who 'd seen what it was I had , who knew someone like me . Who had an answer . Or even just something that would make me feel better . That would mean I didn 't have to be sick all the time . It takes a long time for hope to dissolve . Long after I thought I couldn 't feel it anymore , it kept popping up . And every time it did , it made the disappointment that followed worse . I couldn 't quite get rid of the hope , though . Even now , even though Kin was standing in front of me , doing his best not to seem shocked at what I was and what that was doing to me , a little bubble swelled inside me that wanted to believe that maybe he 'd be the one . That maybe this time , there would be an answer . So I didn 't know what I wanted from him . If I wanted him to try . Or if I wanted him to stomp out that bubble before it could grow into something that would shatter me . I should have refused him , stopped him right there . But he didn 't sound sure that he really could do anything , and that made me want to go with him . It made me want to trust him , because at least he was being honest with me . And I remembered how solid he 'd been , when he 'd held me up and stopped me coughing . I remembered how ethereal and lovely and wild he 'd been in the club . Kin said he could ride in my car . I didn 't really believe him . I 'd never met a fey who would willingly get in a car . There was too much iron , and they 'd be trapped in it . The iron wouldn 't kill them , but it made them sick when they got too close , spent too much time around it . Saben and I had tried it when she was younger - she 'd wanted to celebrate with me after I 'd gotten my license . It hadn 't gone well . She 'd passed out , and I hadn 't been able to get her to wake up for the longest time . I 'd been so afraid that I 'd slapped her . When she 'd come to , I 'd sworn I would never take her in a car anywhere again . I 'd met fey with different tolerances to iron . Most of the brownies I knew acted like it wasn 't there , but even they stayed away from it when it was right in front of them . On the other hand , I 'd seen water horses actually shy away from it , like it would attack them . Kin laughed when I hesitated at the car , though . He swung the passenger - side door open and shook his head . " I 'm not like you . Not like the sidhe . " I blinked , but then I nodded , because that was obvious . He didn 't act , didn 't behave , like any fey I 'd ever met . He seemed more human than anything , and if he hadn 't had those scales , I 'd have thought he was . Maybe . He nodded . " Water fey . Except , not fey . I 'm yokai . So the iron . . . " He shrugged . " It doesn 't bother me . " He had me drive to his house . It was an actual house - or maybe a condo , since it was small and smooshed up against the houses on either side - with a lock on the front door , not some abandoned , glamoured , hidden place like most of the fey used . I mean , it seemed like he was probably actually paying rent on the place , and that surprised me . Two in one day - first Saben , then Kin . It was weird for me to see these fey acting like humans . Fey pretended all the time , made out like they wanted to live the way humans did , but they never quite got there , because when it came down to it , humans and fey were different . Different species with different ideas and different ways of living . But Saben was going at it like she meant to really make it work . And here was Kin , actually living like a human , from what I could see . The house seemed normal on the inside too . Regular furniture , a few potted plants clustered near the door and hanging in the kitchen . I 'd been expecting , again , something more fey - a kitchen with all the appliances ripped out , doors and windows thrown open so the wilderness could come crawling in , leaves on the floor , holes in the ceiling . Disrepair and magic marching hand in hand , because that was what you usually got when you went where the fey lived . But this was nothing like that . Beige carpeting , boring but clean . A red couch , and a blue easy chair that didn 't match but didn 't look too bad , either . There wasn 't any art on the walls , not a lot of personal touches at all , except the plants , but the place was homey , like a work in progress . It was warm inside , and it smelled just slightly dusty . Sunlight was pouring through the windows , lighting the place up , making it airy and softening all the edges . " I just moved in , " Kin explained , throwing his keys on the kitchen counter . He glanced back at me . He must have seen the way I was looking around , trying to find something , anything , that would tell me this was a yokai 's house and not a human 's . He smiled at me , slow and gentle and kind of knowing . " I was raised by a human - my mother , the one who wasn 't ningyo . " He turned and headed down the hall . " I 'm not what you think , " he called over his shoulder . I heard a door click shut . I waited there , in the space between his living room and his kitchen , not really sure what to do with myself . I didn 't know if I should sit or if I should give up this whole weird endeavor and sneak away while he was out of the room . But he was only gone for a minute , and before I 'd decided what to do with myself , he came back down the hallway . He 'd changed out of his kimono into a pair of tight gray jeans , and he was tugging a black long - sleeved T - shirt over his head while he walked . I caught a glimpse of his flat stomach , the sleek , tan skin of his chest , before he pulled the fabric down over himself . He looked up , and I know he saw me staring , because he smiled that wry little grin again , just the corner of his mouth lifting . Something sparkled in his eyes - amusement or pleasure - and I realized all over again how lovely he was . This magical being . He was , somehow , more and less human now , dressed almost like I was , dressed like any man our age might be , but too long and lean , too beautiful , too perfect . He watched me watch him , until whatever was building between us got too thick , too heavy , and I cleared my throat . His smile slipped away , and he gestured with a flick of his hand , asking me to follow him . He walked into the kitchen , motioning at the stools lined up at the counter . I pulled one out and sat , a little confused , while he went to the cabinet and brought down two glasses . " Aren 't you going to . . . " I shrugged . " Examine me or something ? " Healers might be different in their techniques , but they all wanted to get their hands on you , poke and prod at you , one way or another . Kin nodded without looking around . He turned on the tap and held one glass under it , filling it . He glanced over his shoulder . " I have tea in the fridge , if you 'd rather . Or . . . " He filled the second glass , then set it in front of me . He put his glass down too , across from me , and leaned on the counter . " I can examine you . I 'd like to listen to your lungs and your heart . But I 'd rather you just tell me what 's happening , first . What you think . You know your body . And I 'm not a doctor . " He smiled at me , gentle , maybe a little sad . " I don 't work miracles , Luca . I think your father hopes I will . But I can 't promise that . " I lifted a shoulder , let it drop . It wasn 't a medically or scientifically sound answer . But it was the best I 'd ever come up with . It was what made sense to me . Human doctors thought I had some undefined genetic disease . Fey healers had seen people like me , but few and far between . And always half . Half human and half other . He pursed his lips and tilted his head to the side . " I 've seen a lot of things . Haven 't seen many half fey , half humans , though . There must be a reason for that . " Because they didn 't live long enough . Because they were dirty secrets . Because they weren 't supposed to exist , and there was a handy malady that made sure they didn 't for long . So convenient . " Did you grow up with your father ? " Kin asked , surprising me . I raised my face , met his eyes . He shrugged . " Your people made it seem . . . You make it seem like you 're doing this , seeing me , for him . Not for yourself . " I sighed . When he 'd said he wanted me to tell him things , I hadn 't thought it would be this kind of thing . I didn 't talk about my family . It was a practice I 'd had to start as a child , when kids wanted to know where my dad was and I couldn 't tell them the truth . Or when the fey taunted me about my mother . I thought about refusing to answer . Just shaking my head , because what did it matter , in the long run , if this man knew who had raised me ? But he leaned back a little , as if he 'd just realized himself that he 'd asked something too personal . He tightened his hands on the tile and opened his mouth , like he was getting ready to say something , to apologize or take the question back . " Yes , " I said , stopping him . " I mostly lived with my mother . But my father took me in the summers . I was . . . " I trailed off , trying to figure out how to say this clearly , simply . " I 'm an open secret . He shouldn 't have wanted anything to do with me , should have abandoned me . But he never did . " Not completely . He hadn 't lived with us , he and my mother hadn 't been a couple , and he hadn 't always been there for me as much as I 'd wanted . As much as I 'd needed . But he 'd been there some . In the summers , I 'd gone to live with him in his large , white , wild house in the woods , not that far away , really , but separate from everything I knew . I 'd lived with the fey for those months , with my father and Saben , and it had been my home . They had been my home . Kin nodded . He didn 't say anything else , just turned around and pulled a tin from somewhere . He opened it , laid it between us , and gestured at it . Cookies were piled inside , and I took one . The cookie was good , sweet and buttery and spicy . It tasted like some of the cakes I got from the brownies , when they were in the mood to feed me . I nibbled at the cookie . " I run errands for them . " Sometimes they fed me , cakes and pies and preserves . Sometimes they gave me a basket of peaches or a necklace that I could never wear , or a handful of iron keys I could turn in for scrap . Sometimes I got nothing . Sometimes they spilled pennies into my hands , thousands of them , and were pleased that they 'd managed to pay me in human currency . It was enough , most days . I had my mother 's house , and the food the fey gave me , and their payments left me enough money that I could buy things , now and then , pay the electricity and the water bill . It was more than I 'd had for a lot of my life while I was roaming , always moving , living hand to mouth . I was content enough . So I did . I told him about the coughing and the blood that had started coming up . I told him about the muscle aches , so bad some days that it took effort to get out of bed . The bruising , horrific black and purple splotches that happened when I did the stupidest things , like bumping into a table . The dizzy spells , the occasional fainting . The idea I had , sometimes , that there was something inside me , inside my chest , growing and gnawing away at me , a monster trying to eat its way out . I told him about the iron tablets I swallowed , how , when I was lucky , they seemed to subdue it , subdue the fey inside me , enough that I could get through the day without hurting as much . I tried to be quick while I told him , lay it all out like it was just a string of facts . Like it was something that was happening to someone else . |
I 've spent the last six years looking for a cure for the nameless sickness eating me up . If I believed there was one out there , I would keep searching . But there isn 't , so I 've come back home , where my past and present tangle . Come home to live . . . and to die . But my father insists I meet Kin . He 's a healer , and determined to help , even though I 'm not so hopeful anymore . But Kin isn 't what I expected , in any way . He sees me , not my illness . He reminds me of what it 's like to be alive . And I can 't help falling for him , even though I know it isn 't fair to either of us . Kin thinks he has the cure I 've been looking for , but it 's a cure that will change everything : me , my life , my heart . If I refuse , I could lose Kin . But if I take it , I might lose myself . This title comes with no special warnings . Caution : The following details may be considered spoilerish . Click on a label to see its related details . Click here to toggle all details . Heat Wave : 3 - Off - screen or non - explicit love scenes Erotic Frequency : 2 - Not many Genre : urban fantasy / paranormal , romance Gender : cisgender Orientation : gay Pairing : male / male Age : 20s Ending : happy for now Tone : intense , literary Themes : death / the afterlife , family , hurt / comfort , illness / injury , immortality , interracial / multicultural , legends Era : contemporary Settings : America , country , different Earth Careers : healer Species : faerie , ningyo Chapter One Sometimes , when the weather was just turning from autumn to winter , and the last of the late fruit was clinging to the trees , we partied in the apple orchard . The stories always talk about fey partying , and mostly those stories are true . The fey love a good revelry . They love the music and the fire and the food and the complete abandon of it all . And the apple orchard was as good a place as any to do it . It belonged to my father , and I 'd laid the glamour on it myself . It was hidden , tucked away , the perfect place to get lost , let go . Most nights when I went to the fey parties , I enjoyed myself . Everyone pretended a bit at those gatherings . I could be someone else there . Or no one . I got a few sideways glances , and most of the fey still kept their distance . But I could be lesser there . Or more . The fey let me pretend for a while that I was a whole thing , not a creature living in two worlds . That I wasn 't my father 's son . I loved being able to disappear into the fey , become invisible . There was a freedom in it I found almost nowhere else . But sometimes , I hated them . Sometimes even the sneakiest glances were like weights , levered against me . Sometimes I didn 't want to be anywhere near the fey , didn 't want to spend my midnight hours in the middle of a cold , damp apple orchard , no matter how beautiful the music was . No matter how much I liked the way the bonfire turned the trees ' branches red and gold . Sometimes I just wanted to be home , curled in my bed , warm and alone and safe . But some of the fey found it easier to deliver messages to me here , make requests , and it was my job to listen . I stood at the edge of the lit area , close enough that I could see the fire in the middle of the little clearing , but deep enough into the dark between the trees that no one tried to pull me forward to dance . I switched from resting on one foot to the other . The ground was frosted over , the weather far colder than it should have been for this time of year , for this place . Even my leather boots couldn 't keep the chill from seeping in , not when I was standing still like this , away from the warmth of the fire and the fey , my back against the old tree 's gnarled trunk . A tiny woman appeared at my elbow . Her head barely came up to the middle of my chest , and I was not a tall man . Her hair was a wild puff of blond curls , frizzy and disarrayed but downy . The way it fell over her shoulders , soft and flyaway , made me want to touch it . She wore a thick sweater , holes here and there in the weave of it letting the cold air in . Her feet were bare . She turned her face away and watched the dancers . For a long time , she said nothing , but I didn 't need to remind myself to be patient . I was used to the way the fey got distracted , lost track of conversations . I waited , letting my body go still so she wouldn 't think I was restless . I didn 't get any more out of her after that . Her mind was caught in the music , in the flutes and fiddles and the pulsing beat of the drums . I glanced around for Saben , but either her messenger had mixed up her times , or Saben hadn 't bothered to wait for me , because she wasn 't there . I admit I didn 't search too hard . I wanted to leave . I didn 't go straight home , though . I had to drive through the center of the city to get back to my house , tucked out of the way and far from my father like it was . It was the weekend , and the streets were packed , people walking to and from clubs and bars and restaurants , arms around each other , faces lit up , maybe a bit rosy - cheeked from drinks . It all seemed so far away from me . I was still wrapped up in the fey , their music stuck in my mind , calling to me , just like it 'd called to Saben 's messenger . I wanted to get it out of my head , the lot of it . I found a place to park , not far from a few of the clubs . I picked one at random and ducked inside . The room opened onto a bar and a few tables . There was another door off to the side , a bouncer standing in front of it . I paid him the cover , and he opened the door so I could walk down a steep set of stairs , narrow slats that caught at my boots . I stopped halfway down , squashing myself to one side so I wouldn 't block anyone , and glanced around the room . It was darker down there , of course , and warmer . The shadows were highlighted with bright flashes of pink and purple and blue , sparks of light that came and went . They illuminated just enough that I could make out the mass of people , all tangled together on the dance floor . The music was something thumpy and deep and electronic . It pushed at me , made my heart beat faster , but in a way that was totally different from the fey music . This sound , this place , wasn 't forcing me into anything . I was being asked . I wasn 't sure that I had the energy to join the crowd , but I wanted to be near them , near all that humanity . I made my way down the rest of the stairs and around the edge of the dancers , dodging people who were too lost in themselves to watch where they were dancing . I found an empty spot against one wall , and I tucked myself into it , pressing my back against the concrete . Blending in so I could watch . So I could lose myself in a completely different way than I usually did with the fey . I let my gaze drift around the room , stopping whenever I saw someone who caught my attention . There were fey here too . I 'd expected it - they loved to party , no matter where the party was taking place , and there were more than a few who had no problem interacting with the human world . No humans would notice if they weren 't searching for something out of the ordinary . The fey glamours were good . But my eyes snagged on hair that was too feathery , glittery skin , the soft flutter of wings , all of which could have been a costume or my imagination , but weren 't . I ignored them . They didn 't really matter anyway . They weren 't there to see me , and I wasn 't there to see them . And this place , for once , was more my world than theirs . I swayed back and forth with the music and the flickering lights . The crowd moved in a lazy way , and I watched them in a lazy sort of way . I wasn 't looking for anyone in particular , didn 't even expect to stay long . I just wanted to be part , even a fringe part , of something different , for a few minutes . My eyes snagged on a bright - blue shimmer . I turned my head , searching for whatever it was I 'd seen , that deep - aqua light . It sparkled again , and I saw the boy , the man , it had come from . He was maybe a bit taller than me , his skin lightly tanned , his hair long and black and straight , loose over his shoulders . The sparkle had come from the flecks of glittery color at the corners of his eyes , across one cheekbone , down the side of his neck . He raised his hands over his head , and I saw splashes of green , shining and catching the lights of the club . If I hadn 't known , if I wasn 't always so aware of things that were different , I would have thought the shimmer was makeup or some elaborate jewelry . But I 'd spotted the other fey in the crowd , and I knew this man was one too . I wanted to turn away . I 'd come to get away from all things otherworldly , not to latch on to it , even in this indirect way . But I couldn 't take my eyes off him . He was sleek and graceful and beautiful . He didn 't act like the other fey . Fey don 't seem self - conscious , to the outside observer , but they are . They always want to be noticed , want someone to be staring at them , watching them , falling in love with them . Most of the fey I 'd spotted in the club were either clustered together , doing their damnedest to attract attention , or they were wooing some poor unsuspecting human . Or both . But this man was solitary . He was dancing with his head thrown back , his eyes closed , his arms lifted . He didn 't focus on anyone , and he danced by himself . He was in the middle of the crowd , and it was as if he was absorbing the energy of the music and the people around him through his skin , pulling it in , but he wasn 't trying to move closer to anyone . While I watched , a girl bumped into him . He opened his eyes and looked down at her , laughing and waving away her apology . She smiled back at him , and gestured to the gaggle of young men and women around her . An invitation if I 'd ever seen one . But the man with the glitter on his skin smiled again , a little gentler , and shook his head . The girl shrugged and drifted back into the crowd . The man twisted his body , a sinuous flick of movement that pushed him in the opposite direction . While he drifted away , he glanced up , and his eyes met mine . He didn 't smile at me like he 'd smiled at the girl . His shoulders went a little straighter , though , and he held my eyes . He was still swaying to the music . He should have had to break our stare sooner . But we watched each other for long seconds . I took him in , the black hair falling in his eyes , the slender line of his throat , the splashes of color across his skin . Scales , I thought . Like fish scales or snake scales , chips of blue and green and purple . He was as beautiful as I 'd thought , lithe and elegant . I wondered if he 'd keep staring at me . I wondered if he 'd come over . Or if I 'd go to him . I almost wanted to , wanted to press myself against him , feel the way he moved while he danced . My heart beat harder in my chest , hard enough that I could feel its rhythm over the thump of the music . A group of people danced between us , blocking him from my view . I looked down , and when I looked back up , he was gone . I could have searched for him , waited until I caught sight of his colors again . But I didn 't let myself . I shook my head and inched my way back around the crowd . I was tired and achy , and I 'd seen something better than I 'd planned . It was time to go . My sister , Saben , was staying in an apartment near the outskirts of the city , where there was less iron in the air . It was still more iron than she could handle , and she didn 't belong there , but she pretended it didn 't matter . I didn 't know why she was doing it . Maybe so she could prove something to me , or to our father , or to herself in her mind . It was all a guess to me , and it didn 't matter much , anyway . She wasn 't really any of my business . When I got to her apartment , the door was ajar , and I pushed it open the rest of the way , letting myself in . Saben was standing in the kitchen . She spun toward me , no surprise on her face , like she 'd already known it was me before she even saw me . Her arm lifted . I squinted at it . " A kettle . " I couldn 't blame her for not knowing . It was one of those artsy , modern types , with more angles than any kettle really needed . And the fey didn 't really deal in kettles anyway . She set it back down on the stove and watched me while I took in her apartment . It was small , just a tiny living room and kitchen , and a bedroom I couldn 't see . I knew her rooms at our father 's house weren 't much bigger , but they felt bigger , more opulent and airy , the curtains always thrown open to catch a breeze , the puffed pillows pleasantly chilly when you lay down against them , the carpets thick and stark white . This place was cramped and dingy , gray , and a bit too warm with the afternoon sun coming in through the window . But Saben didn 't seem to notice . She considered it with me , and although she didn 't smile , her face lit up a little as if she actually liked what she saw . " Where are the apples ? " I asked . She squinted her eyes at me . I shook my head , dismissing the question . " I have the knives for your errand girl , " I said , and pulled them from my pocket to put them on the counter . She narrowed her eyes , her mouth clamping into a tight line , and I looked away . I remembered when she was small . I remembered when she was milk thistle fuzz I could hold in my hands . She had been soft and agreeable and I 'd loved her . She straightened her spine , stretching every vertebra , even though , as inadequate as my own height was , she would never quite reach it . The fact of my height didn 't stop her from pretending we were eye to eye , though . " Father wants you to do something . " I didn 't even need to listen to what it was . " Get one of your girls to do it , " I answered right away . " Or one of your boys . " " What is it , then ? " It hadn 't always been this way between us . I hadn 't always been forced to pry information out of her like I was pressing water from stone . She shrugged , a short , sharp rise and fall of her shoulders . Her hand snuck out , and she touched the handle of one of the knives I 'd laid on the counter . " No . Yokai . " Sometimes when we talked , when we were together , I thought she would act like a human . Normal . Sometimes I thought she 'd take down her walls and smile at me , or touch my hand like she 'd done as a child , or complete a sentence in a way that didn 't drip with how high - class fey she was , with how different from me she was . But she never gave me an inch . She hadn 't for a long time . It was bad timing on my part , to cough right then . It meant I couldn 't argue . Not when it was obvious that a person who fixed things was exactly what I needed . I sighed and tried to figure out what to say to get myself out of this . " I told him I wasn 't going to do this anymore . That when I came home , I was done . " I 'd been gone for years , had traveled pretty far , searching for healers , for answers . I hadn 't spent all of that time searching , that was true . A lot of it had been spent living , because there wouldn 't always be much time for me to do that . I 'd spent those years getting lost , pretending I was someone else , someone whole in all the ways I was half . But I 'd searched too . It was why I 'd gone , and I had wanted an answer . I hadn 't made it to Japan . But I doubted that mattered . I 'd come home because there wasn 't anyone who could do what I needed . It didn 't matter where they were from or what kind of healing they did . And there wasn 't anywhere on the planet that could make me someone else , either . So I 'd come back . She raised her eyes , too fast . I stared at her , waiting , but she didn 't say anything . Didn 't shrug or nod or shake her head . She just stared back at me . " You want me to go , " I said , slowly , " so you can tell him you did as he wanted and made me . " Her eyes flickered away from mine at that , and I nodded . " You said it wasn 't a job . But it is . It 's a job for me . Right ? " She didn 't answer , but it didn 't matter . I would go , because she 'd delivered me a message , and my job was to follow those messages , whatever they were . I wasn 't her brother . I was her errand boy . I found her pocket knives to core apples with . I touched iron when her people couldn 't . I told her about kettles . I did as she told me . Saben didn 't know much about the healer at all , except that he was here in the city , that he 'd come up from a short ways south , apparently because there was more for him to do here . That he was a yokai and a man . That my father had heard about him through whatever fey grapevine he was tapped into and decided I needed to go . She didn 't know where this healer slept , where he lived , who he was aligned with in the fey world . She had set up a meeting through some of her people , the string of young fey who trailed around after her , so she 'd never even spoken to him . I was supposed to meet him in a park . It was a big park , with lots of tucked - away spots to get lost in , and it was neutral territory . Clever , but most fey were interested in taking care of themselves above all else , so it wasn 't really surprising . Saben told me to go in the afternoon , didn 't even give me a definitive time . That was more annoying than trucking it down to the park to see a fey I didn 't even really want to meet , because I knew how fey worked , how they thought of time as this malleable thing they could play with . I knew there was every chance I 'd show up , and the yokai wouldn 't , and my day would be shot . Saben had told me to walk to one end of the park , to a tiny pond with an even tinier waterfall . The spot was hidden behind a copse of trees , and it was chilly enough in the early evening that there weren 't too many other people around . The pond had a small clearing around it , a flat stretch of grass between the trees and the water . I stood on the edge of the tree line , a glamour pulled around me to hide myself , and looked for the man I was supposed to meet . I didn 't see anything at first , and I figured I 'd been right that he would be flighty , like all the other fey I knew , that he 'd forget he was supposed to meet me , distracted by something more interesting . But then there was a short splash , a spray of water from the pond , and I realized a man was swimming to shore . He rose a little way out of the water , the sun sparkling off the droplets beading on his skin . His hair was black and slicked back , showing off the long planes of his face . He shook his head , brushed his hands down his arms . Then he stepped to the bank of the pond , out of the water . He stooped and picked up a long piece of cloth and draped it around his waist . It was almost like a skirt , but not quite . I watched him for a second . There was something familiar about him , about the graceful way he moved . He bent forward again , picking up something else off the ground , and I saw a thick line of blue - green scales running down his back . I 'd seen those same scales before - not on his back , but on his face and his wrists . In the club , with the lights bouncing off them and making them shine , while he tipped his head back and gave himself over to the music . I didn 't step out or call to him . I just dropped the minimal glamour I 'd been holding , and the minute I did , he turned to where I was standing against the tree . I took a step forward . Now that I was here , I wasn 't sure what should happen next . I 'd been planning to brush him off , to do whatever it 'd take to make my father believe I 'd completed his task , and leave . But now this man was staring at me , and I knew that he recognized me too , remembered me from that brief , sharp stare we 'd shared the night before . He didn 't make a move toward me , though . Didn 't speak . He just stood there , his back straight , his chest bare , water dripping off the ends of his hair , wetting his cheeks and his jaw and the line of his shoulders . He was so regal , so strong and lovely , as lovely as when I first saw him . I thought of Saben and my father , the icy , excruciatingly polite high - court fey that they were . Sidhe , same as I was . They used formality and manners as weapons , always had them to fall back on , and I could do the same here . I rested my hand , tucked into a fist , against my chest and bowed . When I rose from it , the man stepped toward me . He faced me , his shoulders back , his hands loose at his sides . He was slender , maybe small by some standards , but standing there , he was like cut glass , like copper wire . It seemed as if he 'd draw blood if I touched him . Scales shimmered unevenly over his skin - along his left cheekbone , down the right side of his neck , tapering to nothing over the first two knuckles of his right hand . " Not completely . " There was a part of me that wanted to jerk my chin up , to face him squarely , to beat him back with what I was . But I couldn 't make myself do it . He was right . I hesitated , then nodded . " I came from the court of the sidhe . My father sent me to see you . He thought . . . " I studied him , this man , tilted my head and ran my eyes from head to toe . He looked like a warrior . Not a healer . But he stayed still and let me stare , let me judge him , and it made me feel . . . better . Safer . " He thought you could help me . " It wasn 't a little cough that I could contain , like it had been at Saben 's apartment . It was a thing that tightened and twisted and grew inside me , so that the more I coughed , the worse it was , until I thought I might expel something important . Like a lung . It hurt , deep in my chest , but the pain was a distant thing , because I couldn 't breathe , couldn 't get any air in , and the panic over that blocked out every other thing in my mind . I clapped a hand over my mouth , trying to stop myself , to get control , but then I had to double over . I reached out with my other hand , blind , searching for the tree I 'd been leaning against , for anything I could use to keep myself upright . " Breathe through your nose . " His voice was so deep , so even , right by my ear . He was holding me up , his hands strong on me , and knowing I wasn 't about to go down let me calm myself enough that I could try to do as he said . " Breathe , " he repeated . " In . Count . " He started counting , then breathed in with me when I did . I coughed again , but he was patient , waited , and then started counting and breathing with me again . His palm skated over my back , soothing . His touch made me want to shiver , made me want to lean into it , but I couldn 't think about it , do anything about it , while I was coughing . It took me a few long minutes , but the coughing subsided . It always did . I knew it would . It was just frightening while it happened . I straightened , and he stepped away from me . I pulled my hand from my mouth and wiped it on my jeans . My fingers left a rust - red streak on the fabric . I covered the spot with my palm . But I hadn 't meant it quite so literally . I meant that the coughing and the illness and the tiny streak of red under my hand were a product of my blood , my DNA . It was a product of who I was . " It 's the fey blood . The glamour , the longevity , the magic , whatever you want to call it . I don 't even really know . My fey half . It eats at my human half . " I raised my eyebrows and shrugged . " They didn 't tell you much about me , did they ? " I was surprised , a bit . My father 's court knew about me , the oddity , the half creature that shouldn 't exist , and they liked to gossip about me amongst themselves . Maybe not so much with outsiders , though . " No . " He raised a hand and pushed his hair back . It had started to dry , the shorter pieces in front falling into his face . " Just that you were sick . " He ran his gaze over my face , and I knew what he was trying to find . The markers , the things that would tell him what I was . The way my hair was a strange reddish - orange - fey . The lavender gray of my eyes - fey . The too - sharp points of my features , my relatively short stature , my pale freckles - all human . " They didn 't tell me you were half . " " I 'm a secret . " He was still staring at me , and there was something in his eyes that I thought was fear . I might have thought he was afraid of me , if my ego was large enough . But my ego wasn 't , and even though I didn 't know him , it was obvious by the power in his body and the way he held himself that he didn 't have anything to fear from me . And I wondered if maybe the fear had lodged in his face when I 'd started coughing . If , even though he 'd been so calm , I 'd scared him by being so breakable . " You 're not really supposed to know . You 're not supposed to know that a flawed thing like me was created . That my father made such a huge mistake as to fall in love with a human . No one talks about it . Or they shouldn 't . " I shrugged , very carefully . Just one small lift of my shoulder so I wouldn 't set myself coughing again . I wasn 't a very well - kept secret , but I was a secret nonetheless . " Is it just your lungs ? " He reached behind him while he asked , gathering his hair into a ponytail at the base of his neck . He dug into a pocket and came out with a tie to secure it . I was surprised , because most fey don 't ask and don 't offer . A name can be useful , powerful , and it 's not something to give away lightly . But I 'd grown up in the human world , for the most part , and I liked that he wanted to know . " Luca , " I told him . " Human , " I finished for him , the word clipped . I wanted to take in a deep breath , steady myself , but I was afraid that would start the coughing all over again . " Was . " " Kin , " I repeated . I wrapped my arms around myself . The sun was starting to sink , and it seemed like it was getting colder by the second . " I 'd like to sit down . In my car . Where it 's warm . " I probably sounded too abrupt , rude , but the coughing spell had drained me , and I couldn 't make myself be more polite . " So if you could . . . " I shrugged , because I wasn 't sure what I wanted from him . The thing is , I 'd been to dozens of doctors and healers and witch workers and shamans , human and fey . At first it had just been about trying to figure out what was happening . Then , as my sickness had gotten worse , it 'd been about searching for a cure . My parents had been desperate when I was a child , and I hadn 't even been that sick yet . After I graduated high school and my mother died , my father sent me away . He couldn 't leave the city and his court . But he 'd wanted me to keep searching . And for a long time , I 'd wanted to keep searching too . I 'd kept thinking that there must be someone out there who 'd seen what it was I had , who knew someone like me . Who had an answer . Or even just something that would make me feel better . That would mean I didn 't have to be sick all the time . It takes a long time for hope to dissolve . Long after I thought I couldn 't feel it anymore , it kept popping up . And every time it did , it made the disappointment that followed worse . I couldn 't quite get rid of the hope , though . Even now , even though Kin was standing in front of me , doing his best not to seem shocked at what I was and what that was doing to me , a little bubble swelled inside me that wanted to believe that maybe he 'd be the one . That maybe this time , there would be an answer . So I didn 't know what I wanted from him . If I wanted him to try . Or if I wanted him to stomp out that bubble before it could grow into something that would shatter me . I should have refused him , stopped him right there . But he didn 't sound sure that he really could do anything , and that made me want to go with him . It made me want to trust him , because at least he was being honest with me . And I remembered how solid he 'd been , when he 'd held me up and stopped me coughing . I remembered how ethereal and lovely and wild he 'd been in the club . Kin said he could ride in my car . I didn 't really believe him . I 'd never met a fey who would willingly get in a car . There was too much iron , and they 'd be trapped in it . The iron wouldn 't kill them , but it made them sick when they got too close , spent too much time around it . Saben and I had tried it when she was younger - she 'd wanted to celebrate with me after I 'd gotten my license . It hadn 't gone well . She 'd passed out , and I hadn 't been able to get her to wake up for the longest time . I 'd been so afraid that I 'd slapped her . When she 'd come to , I 'd sworn I would never take her in a car anywhere again . I 'd met fey with different tolerances to iron . Most of the brownies I knew acted like it wasn 't there , but even they stayed away from it when it was right in front of them . On the other hand , I 'd seen water horses actually shy away from it , like it would attack them . Kin laughed when I hesitated at the car , though . He swung the passenger - side door open and shook his head . " I 'm not like you . Not like the sidhe . " I blinked , but then I nodded , because that was obvious . He didn 't act , didn 't behave , like any fey I 'd ever met . He seemed more human than anything , and if he hadn 't had those scales , I 'd have thought he was . Maybe . He nodded . " Water fey . Except , not fey . I 'm yokai . So the iron . . . " He shrugged . " It doesn 't bother me . " He had me drive to his house . It was an actual house - or maybe a condo , since it was small and smooshed up against the houses on either side - with a lock on the front door , not some abandoned , glamoured , hidden place like most of the fey used . I mean , it seemed like he was probably actually paying rent on the place , and that surprised me . Two in one day - first Saben , then Kin . It was weird for me to see these fey acting like humans . Fey pretended all the time , made out like they wanted to live the way humans did , but they never quite got there , because when it came down to it , humans and fey were different . Different species with different ideas and different ways of living . But Saben was going at it like she meant to really make it work . And here was Kin , actually living like a human , from what I could see . The house seemed normal on the inside too . Regular furniture , a few potted plants clustered near the door and hanging in the kitchen . I 'd been expecting , again , something more fey - a kitchen with all the appliances ripped out , doors and windows thrown open so the wilderness could come crawling in , leaves on the floor , holes in the ceiling . Disrepair and magic marching hand in hand , because that was what you usually got when you went where the fey lived . But this was nothing like that . Beige carpeting , boring but clean . A red couch , and a blue easy chair that didn 't match but didn 't look too bad , either . There wasn 't any art on the walls , not a lot of personal touches at all , except the plants , but the place was homey , like a work in progress . It was warm inside , and it smelled just slightly dusty . Sunlight was pouring through the windows , lighting the place up , making it airy and softening all the edges . " I just moved in , " Kin explained , throwing his keys on the kitchen counter . He glanced back at me . He must have seen the way I was looking around , trying to find something , anything , that would tell me this was a yokai 's house and not a human 's . He smiled at me , slow and gentle and kind of knowing . " I was raised by a human - my mother , the one who wasn 't ningyo . " He turned and headed down the hall . " I 'm not what you think , " he called over his shoulder . I heard a door click shut . I waited there , in the space between his living room and his kitchen , not really sure what to do with myself . I didn 't know if I should sit or if I should give up this whole weird endeavor and sneak away while he was out of the room . But he was only gone for a minute , and before I 'd decided what to do with myself , he came back down the hallway . He 'd changed out of his kimono into a pair of tight gray jeans , and he was tugging a black long - sleeved T - shirt over his head while he walked . I caught a glimpse of his flat stomach , the sleek , tan skin of his chest , before he pulled the fabric down over himself . He looked up , and I know he saw me staring , because he smiled that wry little grin again , just the corner of his mouth lifting . Something sparkled in his eyes - amusement or pleasure - and I realized all over again how lovely he was . This magical being . He was , somehow , more and less human now , dressed almost like I was , dressed like any man our age might be , but too long and lean , too beautiful , too perfect . He watched me watch him , until whatever was building between us got too thick , too heavy , and I cleared my throat . His smile slipped away , and he gestured with a flick of his hand , asking me to follow him . He walked into the kitchen , motioning at the stools lined up at the counter . I pulled one out and sat , a little confused , while he went to the cabinet and brought down two glasses . " Aren 't you going to . . . " I shrugged . " Examine me or something ? " Healers might be different in their techniques , but they all wanted to get their hands on you , poke and prod at you , one way or another . Kin nodded without looking around . He turned on the tap and held one glass under it , filling it . He glanced over his shoulder . " I have tea in the fridge , if you 'd rather . Or . . . " He filled the second glass , then set it in front of me . He put his glass down too , across from me , and leaned on the counter . " I can examine you . I 'd like to listen to your lungs and your heart . But I 'd rather you just tell me what 's happening , first . What you think . You know your body . And I 'm not a doctor . " He smiled at me , gentle , maybe a little sad . " I don 't work miracles , Luca . I think your father hopes I will . But I can 't promise that . " I lifted a shoulder , let it drop . It wasn 't a medically or scientifically sound answer . But it was the best I 'd ever come up with . It was what made sense to me . Human doctors thought I had some undefined genetic disease . Fey healers had seen people like me , but few and far between . And always half . Half human and half other . He pursed his lips and tilted his head to the side . " I 've seen a lot of things . Haven 't seen many half fey , half humans , though . There must be a reason for that . " Because they didn 't live long enough . Because they were dirty secrets . Because they weren 't supposed to exist , and there was a handy malady that made sure they didn 't for long . So convenient . " Did you grow up with your father ? " Kin asked , surprising me . I raised my face , met his eyes . He shrugged . " Your people made it seem . . . You make it seem like you 're doing this , seeing me , for him . Not for yourself . " I sighed . When he 'd said he wanted me to tell him things , I hadn 't thought it would be this kind of thing . I didn 't talk about my family . It was a practice I 'd had to start as a child , when kids wanted to know where my dad was and I couldn 't tell them the truth . Or when the fey taunted me about my mother . I thought about refusing to answer . Just shaking my head , because what did it matter , in the long run , if this man knew who had raised me ? But he leaned back a little , as if he 'd just realized himself that he 'd asked something too personal . He tightened his hands on the tile and opened his mouth , like he was getting ready to say something , to apologize or take the question back . " Yes , " I said , stopping him . " I mostly lived with my mother . But my father took me in the summers . I was . . . " I trailed off , trying to figure out how to say this clearly , simply . " I 'm an open secret . He shouldn 't have wanted anything to do with me , should have abandoned me . But he never did . " Not completely . He hadn 't lived with us , he and my mother hadn 't been a couple , and he hadn 't always been there for me as much as I 'd wanted . As much as I 'd needed . But he 'd been there some . In the summers , I 'd gone to live with him in his large , white , wild house in the woods , not that far away , really , but separate from everything I knew . I 'd lived with the fey for those months , with my father and Saben , and it had been my home . They had been my home . Kin nodded . He didn 't say anything else , just turned around and pulled a tin from somewhere . He opened it , laid it between us , and gestured at it . Cookies were piled inside , and I took one . The cookie was good , sweet and buttery and spicy . It tasted like some of the cakes I got from the brownies , when they were in the mood to feed me . I nibbled at the cookie . " I run errands for them . " Sometimes they fed me , cakes and pies and preserves . Sometimes they gave me a basket of peaches or a necklace that I could never wear , or a handful of iron keys I could turn in for scrap . Sometimes I got nothing . Sometimes they spilled pennies into my hands , thousands of them , and were pleased that they 'd managed to pay me in human currency . It was enough , most days . I had my mother 's house , and the food the fey gave me , and their payments left me enough money that I could buy things , now and then , pay the electricity and the water bill . It was more than I 'd had for a lot of my life while I was roaming , always moving , living hand to mouth . I was content enough . So I did . I told him about the coughing and the blood that had started coming up . I told him about the muscle aches , so bad some days that it took effort to get out of bed . The bruising , horrific black and purple splotches that happened when I did the stupidest things , like bumping into a table . The dizzy spells , the occasional fainting . The idea I had , sometimes , that there was something inside me , inside my chest , growing and gnawing away at me , a monster trying to eat its way out . I told him about the iron tablets I swallowed , how , when I was lucky , they seemed to subdue it , subdue the fey inside me , enough that I could get through the day without hurting as much . I tried to be quick while I told him , lay it all out like it was just a string of facts . Like it was something that was happening to someone else . |
Iris had never understood why first dates were dreaded the way they were . Her friends talked about them like they were some kind of combat ritual , some horror show that had to be endured so that they might enter the realms of the mighty who had boyfriends and girlfriends . They traded stories about they guys who were too clingy , the ones who were too rough , the girls who were too shy or too loud , and each and every one of them just reinforced their ideas that the world was full of miserable , deranged sociopaths who wanted nothing more than to destroy a lovely evening out . It was the truth , though . She 'd met Lloyd at the post office , of all places , waiting in line behind an old woman who apparently wanted to send birthday cards to all of her grandchildren at once and with excruciating care . He and Iris had gotten to chatting about how this was such a first - world problem , and she told him about the time she had to wait a whole extra half hour at the DMV and he lamented about the cable company never coming when they promised , and they really hit it off . By the time they picked up their respective packages , he had her number , and called a couple of days later for a date . They met at Javaville , because coffee shops were considered neutral ground , and talked about themselves over drinks . A few people waved at him when he came in , which was good . She got her coffee black , his was a soy milk latte , and she took a chance with some routine she 'd heard from a comedian on TV a few years ago . He thought about this and nodded . " I suppose you 're right , " he said . " But then we 'd have to call it ' soy juice , ' and no one in their right mind would drink soy juice . " He winked and sipped at his latte . Iris suspected he had seen the same comedian , because that was pretty much the punchline to the joke . If he had , though , he didn 't call her on it . They walked through the Hortus , the vast park in the center of the city . It was a lovely spring day and the water lilies were in bloom , making it almost tailor - made for a romantic first date . He walked close to her , but not too close , and talked about himself without seeming self - obsessed . In turn , Iris told stories about what she had done and where she had been , and didn 't try to crib from comedians anymore . They ended the day at dinner , at a restaurant he promised was the best in the city . She stood in front of the chalkboard for a good minute and a half trying to work out the name of the place . Lloyd let her try it out a few times before he grinned and said , " It 's ' Yggdrasillusions . ' " He shrugged . " The owner has a thing for Norse mythology . Most of us just call it ' Iggy 's ' to keep things simple . " He walked over and opened the door . " Ladies first ? " The restaurant was green . Really green . There were plants everywhere - hanging from the ceiling , growing in window boxes , and even vines crawling up the rough - hewn wooden walls . The restaurant smelled of heavy spices and loam , and light jazzy music piped in through speakers overhead . Young , pretty waitresses weaved through tables where couples and threesomes and foursomes were eating and chatting and laughing . Lloyd waved to a few people and patted some shoulders as they went to their table . Everyone seemed to know him , and they smiled when they saw him , all of which struck Iris as a good sign . Not how she was usually greeted when she walked into a place , but she 'd take it . The waitress was at their table as soon as they sat down . " Hi , " she said . " I 'm Emili , and our specials tonight are a raw Mediterranean pesto torta , portabello burgers , and the chef 's special kale and spinach lasagna . " She beamed . " It 's really good , I had some for lunch today . " Emili nodded and handed them menus before gliding off to help someone else . As Iris leafed through the menu , she felt her stomach grow cold . A sneaking suspicion was winding its way though her mind , and each dish she read off the menu seemed to confirm it . After a few minutes she looked up at Lloyd . " Is this a vegan restaurant ? " she asked . She wanted to tell him that it wasn 't okay . It wasn 't remotely okay . She wanted to tell him that an otherwise lovely first date had suddenly turned into the inevitable horrible endurance trial her friends talked about , where she could see if she could get through the next hour and a half without being sick . Or going mad . But she didn 't . " No , " she said . " No , it 's fine . " She smiled back at him , but she suspected Lloyd knew something was wrong . They started off with a mountain vegetable tempura , accompanied by two different dipping sauces - one a spicy chili and the other a sweet plum sauce . Lloyd raved about them and told her about the time he tried to get the recipe off the chef , and how that had led him to a whole weird series of bets and bargains . To Iris , they tasted like chalk . Bland , flavorless bits that vanished from her memory as soon as she swallowed them . The main course was a spicy chana masala , one of several Indian dishes that were on the menu . Emili told them about how the restaurant owner had gotten that recipe from a man he met while backpacking in India and how they were the only restaurant in the city to serve it . Lloyd clearly loved it , barely stopping to talk as he ate . Emili brought over some lychee - soy milk drinks and said they were on the house . Iris picked at her food until she realized she was picking at it . She didn 't want to be That Date , the one he told stories about to his friends - Yeah , I brought her to my favorite place and she just nibbled at the food - so she scooped up spoonfuls and tried her best to look like she was enjoying herself . It went down like the flavorless pap they gave to babies and old people . There was no substance to it , no energy , and she wasn 't even sure it reached her stomach . The only thing even remotely good was the wine , but she suspected it was made from organic grapes by the thinness and emptiness of its flavor . After a dessert of non - dairy ice cream and some coffee , Lloyd sat back , looking full and happy . " This really is a great place , " he said . " I 'd come here every night if I could . " Iris forced herself to smile and hoped her stomach wouldn 't growl . " Thanks for sharing it with me , " she said . There was a moment of awkward silence . " I do need to know , though - do you come here because the food is good , or because you 're vegan ? " He shrugged . " Any reason it can 't be both ? " he asked . " The food 's great , and no animals died to get it to us . Win - win . " He sipped at his coffee . " Thanks for having an open mind about this , by the way , " he said . " I think you 'll find that vegan food is better than anything else you 've eaten , and you 'll have a clean conscience in the end to boot . " He paid for dinner , although she tried to go in for half . He walked with her to the subway station and took her hand as they waited for his train . He 'd had a really good time , and he 'd definitely call her again . Soon . He promised . Iris tried not to let the mask slip and just said , " That would be nice . " " Gimme a super - double burger with bacon . " She took a twenty out of her wallet . " Throw a couple of extra patties on there and this is yours . " The young man didn 't even hesitate to take the money . The cows that had been slaughtered to make this burger had lived short and uneventful lives . Memories of packed bodies and chemical - laden feed flooded over her tongue and almost made her moan . The darkness of the slaughterhouse , the smell of blood and that last moment of realization before oblivion all washed over her , and within moments , she was licking her fingers . She went back up and ordered a chicken filet sandwich . This one was better than the first . The birds had been raised in a battery farm , kept in cages only slightly bigger than they were . They knew only suffering until the last moment of their lives , and that suffering , that knowledge of horror was what filled Iris ' stomach . The energy of fear and hopelessness and pain rushed through her . The world became vivid , alive . No block of tofu had ever watched a farmer come at it with an axe . No carrot had ever smelled the blood of its brothers on the killing floor and been unable to run . No bean sprout had ever struggled for life , caged in with hundreds of competitors who wanted it dead . Iris needed that suffering , that pain . She didn 't know why , but she knew what she liked . And she was pretty sure Lloyd wouldn 't understand . " Go ahead , " the genie said to Jack . " Put on the ring and complete the circuit . And when you do , you and April will know everything about each other . " The genie took a long drag off his cigarette , and smiled when he exhaled smoke that was pink and shimmered slightly in the light from the kitchen lamp . Jack turned the ring over in his hand . It was small , made of silver , with a pale blue gem set into it . His wife had the other one , identical except that her gem was pale pink . She had already put it on , and was staring at him while he hemmed and hawed . He could feel her urging him on . The genie just watched . Instead , he found this strange man standing in the living room , next to his wife . The man was dressed in an immaculate white suit , with a few gold rings and a bracelet that gleamed against his olive skin . He had longish hair , so black that it was almost blue , and just the right amount of stubble on his face to bring him over from " too lazy to shave " to " incredibly sexy . " At first , he thought his wife was admitting to an affair . If that had been true , it would have been a relief . Though Jack had never had any real reason to suspect she would sleep with someone else , he couldn 't think of a good reason why she wouldn 't . If the opportunity arose . He didn 't understand her , and that was the real problem , wasn 't it ? They 'd been to couples counseling , but hadn 't had much luck with it . Neither of them was the type to pour out their innermost wants and needs to anyone , so they got along with each other and set up a life together that worked reasonably well . Or at least , well enough . No such luck . " Honey ! " she yelled when he came in . She ran up to him and hugged him for a lot longer than usual . His hug was safe . Non - committal . Three pats and a squeeze . He never took his eyes off the man . When April pulled away , her face was practically glowing . " You won 't believe what happened , " she said . " I was out shopping and I went over to the thrift store . " Jack bit his tongue . Their house was already cluttered from her thrift store adventures . " And there was this oil lamp , " she went on . " So I thought it might look nice on the mantle . " She laughed and slapped his arm . " Of course there is - I was going to move the ducks to the bedroom . Anyway . " She walked over to the strange man and grasped his arm . " I was polishing it , and this man - no , not a man . This genie just appeared out of nowhere ! " " A genie , huh ? " Jack said . He sighed and took off his jacket . " Honey , I 'm really too tired for this . If this is your new boyfriend or something , I wish you would just - " April 's gasp was enough to stop him cold . " Boyfriend ? " she whispered . She stood there , hand to her heart , just blinking at him for a moment . " Jack , what on Earth would make you think I want a boyfriend ? " There was no good answer to that question . Of that much , Jack was sure . " Sorry , " he said . " It was a joke , honey . " He leaned over to kiss her , but she pulled back . The man - the genie - stepped between them . " I understand your confusion , Mister Logan , " he said . He extended a hand and gave a bright smile . Jack noticed that the man 's eyes were a strange blue - green . " I am Nawfal , " the genie said . He took Jack 's hand and give it a single squeeze . A wave of warmth rushed through Jack 's body , and he gasped and shuddered . He nearly fell to the floor , but Nawfal caught him . When Jack stood again , he knew something had changed . He wasn 't sure what , but something … April was staring at him with wide eyes . Jack looked from one to the other . " What ? " he said , running a hand through his hair . Not only did he now have a full head of thick , auburn hair - hair he hadn 't had since high school , for god 's sake - but he had the body that he always imagined he should have . His waist was narrow , his shoulders broad , and his back was straight and strong . No twinge at the base of his spine , no dull ache in his hip that was a signal of things to come . The man in the mirror wasn 't young again , but he was the man he would have been if he 'd taken care of himself . Nawfal came up behind him and laid a hand on his shoulder . " Not bad , eh ? " he said . " That one 's for free . Just to cut short the ' You cannot possibly be a genie ' conversation . " He lit another cigarette , and the smoke smelled of freshly - baking cookies . " I hate that conversation . " He guided Jack out of the bathroom with some effort . " Your wife has a wish , " the genie said . " And it involves you . " He parked Jack in front of April , who kept looking him over . He was tempted to tell her that his face was up here , but it seemed in poor taste . She started . " Oh , " she said . " Right . Well . " She laid a hand on Jack 's chest and nearly lost her train of thought again . " I … I thought a lot about what to wish for , " she said . " I know we still have a lot of money on the house to pay off and there 's the credit cards , but … " Jack 's stomach dropped . Those would have been really good wishes . The house was never going to get paid off , and the credit cards would probably go right before they died of extreme old age . Wishing for permanent financial security was probably a really good idea . " But what I wanted was … " She took a deep breath , and Jack waited for the shoe to drop . " What I wanted was for us to understand each other , honey , " she said . " I know sometimes we have trouble communicating . I don 't know what you want , you don 't know what I want . " She gestured towards the genie . " But he said he could help . He could change that . " " And I can , " the genie said . " But you have to choose to do it . " He held out a hand , and then opened it . There were two silver rings on his palm . One with a pink stone , one with blue . Nawfal told them that the rings would link them together permanently , and that they would perfectly understand each other from now on . Which was weird , because he wanted to . He really did . He and April had been together for a long while , and he 'd thought that they would know each other inside and out by now . That 's what everyone else seemed to do , anyway . Finish each other 's sentences , know where everything was , remember all their commitments and problems and hang - ups . And every time he had to drop hints about a Christmas present , or forgot what kind of flowers her mother liked , or what book she was reading , he felt like a failure . This would almost certainly fix all that . She would be happy , he wouldn 't have to scramble to avoid making an ass of himself . Everyone wins . He shook his head and held the ring out for the genie to take . " I don 't think it 'll end well , " he said . " I mean , there are parts of me … " He stepped forward and took her hands . " There are parts of me that I 'm not proud of , " he said . " Parts that I wish I didn 't have . And while I love you and I think you 're a wonderful woman , I 'm pretty sure you have things like that too . " " What , " she said . " You think I 'm keeping secrets from you ? " Her anger , usually very slow to come out , was showing all over her face . " No , no , " he said . " Nothing like that . Just … things . " He tried to get close to the idea without giving it away . " Thoughts , maybe . Thoughts you wish you didn 't have . Things you want that you know you shouldn 't . Things you did that you wish you hadn 't . " He reached out to hug her , and at first she was stiff and still . " I want you to think the best of me , " he said . " And I don 't think you would anymore . " It took a moment , but April relaxed into his embrace , putting her arms around him as well . " I understand , " she said . Her voice sounded thick , but she laughed . " Guess it 's back to couples counseling ? " The genie shrugged . " Suit yourselves , " he said . He squeezed his hand into a fist , and when he opened it the rings were gone . " You still have a wish , though . " The man in front of her didn 't have as much hair as he did in his picture . His jawline was a little softer , he looked puffier , and the benefits of taking a profile photo from above were clear . He was thicker around the middle than she 'd thought he was . All told , they were tiny changes that added up to a big difference . He looked like his picture , only not quite so much . Oh well , she thought . Beggars , choosers , all that . She had already put her wedding band into her pocket , so she was halfway committed already . She hoped that she hadn 't let her disappointment show , so she smiled broadly . " Hey there , " she said . " You must be Matt . " He grinned back , and pulled a small bouquet of flowers from behind his back . " And you 're Beth , of course . " He handed the flowers over . They were a little scraggly , but nice in their own way . " Gosh , your picture didn 't half do you justice . " " You , sir , are a flatterer . " Beth felt the blush rise . " And that means you get to come in . " She stepped aside and let him into the apartment . It wasn 't a terribly big place , and she wished she 'd done a better job of cleaning up . There were still dishes in the sink from breakfast , and she noticed too late that there was a pair of her fuzzy socks hanging over the back of the sofa . She put her arm around his waist and maneuvered him into the dining room . " You make yourself comfortable , " she said . " I 'll make us some coffee . " She winked , and his grin grew broader . " I do , " he said . " And I have to say , you have a nice collection in the living room out there . " Beth winced , but the damage was done . At this point , fuzzy socks probably weren 't going to be a deal - breaker . " Glad you approve , " she said . " I love to read whenever I have free time . " She turned on the coffeemaker and stood in the doorway to the dining room . It was a good place to stand - arms up , hip cocked just so … she could practically see his mouth go dry . Beth had no illusions about her body - she 'd never make it as a model or a cover girl , but she knew how to use what she had . And what she had seemed to be what Matt wanted , because it took him a few moments to speak . " Um . Yeah , " he said . She counted to four before his eyes jumped up to meet hers , and he blushed a little . " Wow , " he said . " You really are something . " " Why thank you , " she said with a smile . " You know just what to say , don 't you ? " She could smell the coffee already . " Managing a bookstore must keep you busy , " she said . " Cataloging and shelving and all that . " " Well , " he said , " that 's why I have employees . They do the heavy lifting , and I make sure we all get paid at the end of the week . " He glanced over at her bookshelves again . " You know , we have the new Paula Grant in . Maybe I can - " He stopped when he turned around , because Beth had taken the opportunity to get in closer to him . Much closer . He was wearing a light cologne she hadn 't noticed before , and it did smell nice . Kind of a leather and citrus blend that reminded her of … school , for some reason . Matt found his face nearly buried in her chest , and had to back up a little to look her in the eye again . " Um , " he started . " Because if you did , then I may have to … correct you . " She ran a nail down the side of his face , from temple to jaw , and he shuddered almost imperceptibly . Beth wanted to glance down , but she was pretty sure she knew what was happening down there . " Me neither , " Beth said . She stepped back , and he started to stand . " Just one thing , Matt , " she said . He looked worried all of a sudden , and she tried to smile sweetly . " I did tell you that I 'm married , right ? " Matt seemed to take those words into his mind and chew them around for a moment . The look of hunger on his face changed , almost perfectly reflecting the horrible argument that was going on between his sense of right and his need to get laid . Finally , he said , " Yeah . Yeah , you might have . " " Good , " she said . " I 'd hate for you to be surprised . My husband would be … " She grabbed his belt and pulled him close . " Awfully angry if he knew . " Their lips were just a breath apart . " You 're right . I would . " They both looked over towards the living room . The man standing there was tall and heavy , and his dark face was set in a scowl . He wore what looked like medical scrubs under a winter topcoat , and it looked like there was a spot of blood on the front . Matt backed away from Beth so fast that he fell over , repeating curses over and over again . Beth was able to call out , " Tim ! " before he was on top of the other man . Tim yanked a stun gun out of his pocket and jammed it into Matt 's side . The other man yelled and jerked on the floor . Tim hit him again and again , until the man lay passed out on the floor , the whites of his eyes showing under half - closed lids . Tim looked up at his wife , and then stood , pocketing the stun gun . " Bethany , " he said . His fingers were flexing into and out of a fist , and the scowl seemed to deepen as they stared at each other . They stood there , staring at one another for a long time . Bethany was the first to break , with a long sigh that was halfway to being a laugh . " I didn 't think you were going to wait that long , " she said . " I didn 't think you were going to play the part that well , " he muttered . He looked down at the unconscious man . " Whatever . We 've got someone I can use , finally . " Beth went into the kitchen , which smelled of coffee , and took a capped hypodermic needle from the refrigerator . She handed it to Tim , who used it on Matt . " That ought to keep him out until I can get him to the lab . " Tim shrugged and handed the needle back to her . " Would you rather I called it the rental box ? Besides , I do experiments there . " He looked at Matt again . " Therefore it 's a lab . " She pulled him close and kissed Tim hard on the lips . He wrapped his arms around her and relaxed for the first time since they 'd put this plan together . " It 'll work , " she said when they pulled apart . " This time it 'll work . " She looked over at Matt and shook her head . " Pity , " she said . " He seemed like a nice guy . " Sharon looked over from her tablet when the doctor cleared his throat a second time . " Oh , " she said . She sniffed , and noticed that the disinfectant smell of the delivery room had changed into something … meaty . " Are we done already ? " One of the nurses - they were all masked and wrapped up , so she couldn 't tell which one - approached the bed , holding a red , wriggling newborn baby boy . His head wobbled for a moment , and then he opened his mouth and started to howl . It was high and wordless and pure , a noise that had been passed down since the first generation of humans emerged . The doctor cleared his throat again . " Ms . Ramsey , " he said . " There are still some procedures that have to be taken care of , and I 'm afraid we have to do them now . " He stripped off his gloves while one of the nurses took his place beyond the curtain they had erected at Sharon 's midsection . Another nurse handed him a tablet . " Could you … could you put that down please ? " With the put - out sigh of a girl ten years her junior , Sharon thumbed the standby button and put the tablet on the bed beside her . " Fine , " she said . " Let 's get this over with . " The doctor pulled his mask down . He was handsome enough , she supposed , and if she was going to have another baby , she might ask him to donate for her . It 'd be expensive , though . She 'd passed up buying a house to get the underwear model 's sperm that she used for this one , and even that had been a compromise . The guy had been a redhead , after all . " There are forms to be filled out before we can let you home with him , " the doctor said . He uncapped the stylus and clicked it . " The boy 's name ? " Her face scrunched up . " Ew . No . " She brushed a lock of hair out of her eyes and wondered if her boy 's hair would be dark like hers , or if she 'd have to start dying the red away . She couldn 't see him really well from where she was lying , but she thought he might have had some red hair . " I dunno , " she said . Then it came to her . " Got it , " she said . " Willard . " " Yup . " Sharon tapped on the darkened pad . " I was just reading an article about that basketball player , Willard Jennings ? He 's kinda hot , so you know … " The doctor shrugged and entered the name . " Okay , " he said . " Willard Ramsey . " He spent a moment entering his vitals - height , weight , blood test results , the usual - and then said , " I see on your application form that you 're a … " He tapped the screen to hilight the term she 'd entered . " A post - hereditary wealth distribution analyst ? " He looked over at her , puzzled . Sharon was grinning . She looked around and beckoned him closer . He leaned in , and she whispered loudly into his ear . " I 'm an heiress , " she said . " My father is Nicolas Ramsey ? He owns Ramsey Media Worldwide ? " She grinned like someone who 'd just found the secret sale item at her favorite boutique . " My job is to spend his money . " Sharon winked . " Ms . Ramsey , " he said . " Are you aware of the regulations regarding childbirth ? Specifically the one that says you must have a reliable source of employment ? " She laughed , and it sounded strung out . Maybe the drugs were finally kicking in the way they were supposed to . " I don 't need a job , " she said . " I just made that stuff up so I could get the approval . " She crooked her fingers into air quotes . " Post - hereditary wealth distribution analyst , right ? " That cackle again . " My friend Becky came up with that . She went to law school and everything . " Amusement was slowly fading into annoyance . He father could probably buy this guy if she wanted . Buy him and make him clean her toilets . " Look , " she said . " I got the approval . I got the sperm up in there , and I got the baby . " She put her hands behind her head , and noticed how his eyes flickered to her chest for the briefest moment . Never failed . " So why don 't we just get on with this , give me the kid , and I can be out of here . " Two women came into the delivery room and stood in the doorway . They were dressed in the same scrubs as everyone else , but their expressions were hard . Not that constantly worried yet capable look that the nurses always had , as though they were trying to juggle a dozen different thoughts at once . These women had exactly one thing to do , and their faces said that they knew exactly what it was . The doctor looked over his shoulder . The doctor reached out to her , like he was trying to comfort her , but Sharon would have none of it . She pulled away from his touch . " No , " she said . She didn 't like the two women . She couldn 't say why , but something about them set her teeth on edge . " Who are they ? Why are they here ? " " Ms . Ramsey , " the doctor said , " the laws are very clear on this subject . And not only do you not have a job , but you 've perjured yourself on a federal document . " His expression of worry never changed , but she suspected he wanted to smile . His voice was too nice . " I 'm afraid we have to keep the boy . He 'll be reassigned to a state facility . " " No ! " Sharon yelled . She tried to get up , but everything below her waist was dead , and the best she could do was twist her arms to lift herself up on the bed . " No , " she yelled again , " you can 't have him ! " She tried to crawl , and a couple of the nurses held her back . There was no way she was going to walk anywhere , but there was a real chance of falling on the floor . " I paid for him , dammit , you can 't have him ! " " I 'm very sorry , " the doctor said . " But those are the regulations . And we can 't expose the hospital to that kind of liability . " He tapped on the tablet again . " You can apply to reclaim him within six months , or wait a year to have another one . " He turned to the two women in the doorway and nodded . They nodded back , then each took one side of the incubator and they started to roll it out of the room . Sharon ended up falling out of the bed after all , naked and bloody below the waist but not caring . She screamed that she had a lawyer , that she had a hundred lawyers , and that her father would have them all fired . She got as far as promising to have her boyfriend show up at the hospital with a shotgun before one of the nurses managed to tranquilize her . When she was quiet , they lifted her back into her bed . The doctor shook his head and closed out the documentation on the tablet . " Maybe next time , " he said . " Some people look into the future , " the man said , " and they see a vista of wondrous opportunity . Great branching paths laid out before them that will take them to lands unknown and accomplishments the likes of which they never imagined . " He took a drag off his cigarette and the wind whipped the smoke away as soon as it left his mouth . " Is that so ? " Devin asked , He hugged his arms for warmth and wished he 'd brought a jacket or a sweater or something . Or that there was something he could do to speed this up . He 'd only been listening to this guy for fifteen minutes or so , and they were fifteen minutes too many . " I see a dark wood , tangled and overgrown . I see darkness and shadows in every corner , covering lurking danger that could strike at any moment . Fallen leaves cover pit traps that , with a single misstep , will leave you impaled on excrement - covered spikes as the people of this dark and unholy place gather round the shrinking circle of daylight and laugh as you die in agony . " The man took another draw on his cigarette . " There is only one certain future . Only one course of action I can take whose outcome is in any way knowable . " He flicked the still - smoldering butt out into the air and it spiraled lazily down , down , ten floors down to the pavement below , lost in the wash of police cars and gawkers . The man didn 't look at him . All of his attention seemed to be on the scene below , one step off the ledge . He looked like some kind of lower management drone , in khakis and a pressed white short , with an ID badge on a red lanyard dangling from his neck . Devin wondered idly if he took the stairs , but figured the guy wouldn 't really looking to lose any weight at this point . He 'd been up on the roof for about half an hour now . Someone had seen him , called the police , and that was where Devin had come in . There was a click in his earpiece . " Guy 's name is Alexander Norris . Got his manager down here . Says he 's been having a rough quarter . " The got the man 's attention . Alexander turned to look behind him , and his face was strangely calm . The knots that had been wrapping themselves around Devin 's guts drew a little bit tighter , and he licked his lips as he spoke . " Listen , Mister Norris . I get that you 're not doing so good right now . But you know , there 's no reason things can 't get better , right ? " Devin was the " suicide guy " mainly because no one else had wanted to be . The state had given towns money for specialty training in this kind of thing , and he was the one who got tapped for the position . So , a week of seminars and role - plays later , Devin was the go - to man whenever there was someone threatening to blow their head off or take a street dive , which didn 't seem to happen often enough to justify the money the state was putting out for it . But he figured it was kind of like a week off , and the food was free , so he came out on top . " Mister Norris , " Devin said , " Why don 't you tell me what it is that got you here ? Maybe we can figure something out together . " He took a couple of steps closer , something that was generally not advised when the subject was about to fling himself to his death . The crowd below was getting noisier . The police on the scene were telling people to keep away , and some jackass tried to start a chant of " Jump ! Jump ! Jump ! " before the rest of the crowd shouted him down . The wind was still cutting through Devin 's shirt , and he wondered why Norris wasn 't shivering hard enough to fall off . That was new . Devin wasn 't quite sure what to say to that either , so he just waited and strained to hear the siren of the approaching fire truck . The trainer had said that once the subject got going , they would usually keep talking , probably because the negotiator was the first person who 'd actually offered to listen . " I borrowed my son 's old iPod to bring to work , " Alexander said , " and there was this one song … " His face flinched , the first genuine emotion he 'd shown . " It was all about … making mistakes . About being in the wrong place and not knowing how to get out . " He looked down over the edge again . " I 've worked here for fifteen years , " he said , " and I 've never once felt like this was what I was supposed to be doing . " He shuffled his feet and Devin 's heart leapt in his chest . " But what could I do ? Pick up and start again ? " He barked out a laugh , and then turned back again . Even a few yards away , Devin could see his eyes shining , the tears being pulled along by the wind . " The song promised that someone would be there . Someone who would stand by me and help me and … " He gestured futilely at himself , at the building , at the world . " Someone who could fix me , " he said . " And all the wrong choices I 've made . " The moment of emotion seemed to grip him , and then , as quickly as it came , it passed . His face slipped back into the mask of indifference he 'd been wearing the whole time he 'd been on the roof . " But there 's no one , " he said . " My wife is off in her own little world , my kids just want to get out of the house and go to school . " He nodded down at the rooftop . " These people ? They 're probably looking for someone who can do my job better and cheaper already . " Devin took another step closer , and Alexander cocked his head in warning . He took a step back . " Don 't you have friends ? " Devin asked . " People you can talk to ? " That mask cracked again , but only briefly . " No , " Alexander said . " I was never very good at that . " He took a deep breath and looked up , looking Devin in the eyes for the first time . " That 's the problem , officer , " he said . " People are unreliable . People lie . People say they 'll be there , but … " " But they won 't , " Devin finished for him . Alexander nodded . " Well , " Devin said , taking a small step forward . " I 'm here , Mister Norris , " he said . " That 's a start . " Alexander shook his head . " No , officer , " he said . " You 're here because it 's your job . Any other day and you wouldn 't give a damn about me . " He slid his foot back , and it was right on the edge . " Not that you 'd have any reason to . " " No , thank you , officer , " Alexander said . He took a deep breath , and a look of peace came over him . By the time he said , " I 'm done now , " and stepped backwards over the ledge , Devin was already lunging for him . His hands grabbed nothing but air . He watched Alexander Norris slowly fall away through the air and vanish beyond the edge of the rooftop . He was aware that he 'd started yelling . Devin sat down heavily on the rooftop . His hands were shaking as he took the radio from its belt clip . He took a deep breath , then pressed the button to talk . " You might have told me , " he said , " that there was a cushion set up . " Then he dropped the radio and put his head in his hands . The Front Commander tried to stand up straight , but her wounds made it difficult . She was bleeding from several different wounds , and her battle armor was covered with clear plasma . There hadn 't been time enough to treat her before bringing her to the orbital command center hovering about the benighted blue planet they were meant to be conquering . She gurgled slightly before answering , a sure sign that she was on the verge of collapse . " We had cleared the city , Fleet Commander , " she said . " Our air support had destroyed past the city limits , had destroyed a major military base out towards the desert . The city was ours . " The Front Commander swayed , and a med - tech came over to hold her up . " Fleet Commander , she must get medical attention , " the med - tech said . He began prepping a hypospray . The Front Commander took a step forward , and one of her knees gave out . She slumped to the floor , followed closely by the med - tech . She shoved him away and looked up at the Fleet Commander . " The humans are insidious , Fleet Commander , " she said . " You turn your back for a moment , and they 'll crawl through any crack they can find . " Her eyes filmed over for a moment , and she passed out . The med - tech looked up at Ad ' tai . " She will sleep , " he said . The anger in his eyes was very nearly concealed , but not quite . " And she will likely not be able to return to active duty for some time . " Ad ' tai nodded . " Fine , " she said . " Get her out of here . Show me the charts of their population centers and prepare for my orders . " The command center burst into action again , and the Front Commander was carried away . A lieutenant produced a display reader with charts of human coastal cities . Ad ' tai grimaced . " And soon the humans will likely spread the word about how to take out our communications hubs . " She sighed , flicking through the charts with a swipe of her finger . She had hoped that a land invasion would demoralize the humans , send them scattering . Or at the very least cow them into submission . The advance intelligence the fleet had gotten had labeled humans as incorrigibly violent , but with weapons technologies far inferior to theirs . " A single villager managed to kill the greatest warrior of the Ir ' awa Empire with nothing but a stone and good aim , " she went on . " Ct ' omor 's people celebrated her as their savior . Their deliverer . " She looked over at the lieutenant . " Do you remember what happened next ? " Ad ' tai flicked to another map . " Right in the middle of their victory celebrations , no less , " she said . " Their ' savior ' died just like the rest of them . " She tapped the pad and the maps winked out . " I 'm pulling the plug on the ground invasion , " she said . She tapped the pad again and called up a comm - link . " Fleet Command to all ground command . Initiating Operation Ir ' awa in one hour . Have all ground troops cleared out by then . " A moment later , confirmation icons glowed green on her pad . Orders were being given . The ground troops would no doubt be confused , but they would follow orders . She keyed in her authorization code , and a new screen appeared . She entered the command code , and a countdown began . The pad would give her several chances to abort the mission as the deadline grew nearer , so she kept it nearby . She checked the status of tugships , which were busy dragging the communications hubs away from the population centers . Ad ' tai 's brow ridge twitched , but he 'd earned the question . " No , " she said , and sighed . " I 'll probably get dragged across a bed of hot nails for this by Home Command . But once I explain , I 'm sure they 'll understand . " She checked the display . Plenty of time . " After all , " she said , " we only need the water , not the cities . A fusion barrage will take care of our infestation , and then we can get the water at our leisure . " She grimaced . " Don 't know why no one thought of doing that in the first place , " she muttered . We all know why we 're here tonight . There is no mystery to what I want . To what you want . To what the American people want . Over the next few months , you 're going to hear a lot of people with a lot of ideas , all of them telling you what they think you want to hear . That your taxes are too high , or too low . That your jobs are at risk . That scary people are going to take your guns . Or your land . Or your freedom . They 're going to do their best to scare the pants off you , ladies and gentlemen , so that you 'll vote them into office and give them the power they so richly desire . Ladies and gentlemen - these people are fools . They know nothing of what the American people need . They know nothing of what the American people want . They are out of touch , Washington elitists who have deigned to come down from their ivory towers to walk with the huddled masses just long enough to get your vote - and when they do , well … I can guarantee that 's the last time you 'll see them come to a town like this again . And here 's the thing : they 're not wrong . We do have to worry about our jobs , about our economy , about our children . About strange , swarthy men who might hold up our flight to Chicago for a few hours . All of these things are real , ladies and gentlemen . But here is what those other guys , those born - and - bred Washington insiders won 't tell you : Have they spoken even once of the great , blood - red eye that sits under the floor of the rotunda in the Capitol building ? The unblinking gaze of Keh - Xotha that stares into the infinite ? Have they told you about the day when Keh - Xotha finally closes thon eye , and how on that day the great Empire of the United States will cease ? Now I know what some of you are thinking . It 's plain on your faces , and frankly - I don 't blame you . You 're thinking , " It all makes so much sense . Why didn 't I see this before " Am I right ? Of course I am . And it doesn 't stop there , either . Have they bothered to tell you about the Sub - Continental railroad , a secret transportation system that can only be accessed by the descendants of the Mayflower passengers ? Have they ever brought up the secret moon mission of 1952 , bringing back the first precious cargo of moon rocks that would be needed to develop the polio vaccine ? And has any one of those establishment fat cats even thought to tell you - the hard - working people of America - about the supercomputer inside Mount Rushmore that is the true captain of the ship of state ? No ! Countless debates and interviews and speeches , and none of them have said a word of this ! Not even the candidate who benefits today from the re - animation technology developed for President Roosevelt by Nikola Tesla ? Because the truth , my fellow Americans , is that they think you are weak . They think you are afraid . They think you are not strong enough to bear the truth . I know that the people of my America , the America I grew up in and I know is the real America , wouldn 't quail at the knowledge that Ronald Reagan died in 1981 and was replaced by a crude robot double . You know that now , you can 't un - know that . And that knowledge will make you stronger ! |
We specialize in all things frightening . From true stories to fiction , horror movies to creepy art , we 're your one - stop spot when you want to be infested by the creepy - crawlies . Now , turn off the lights . Lock your doors . Try your best to make it through the night . By the time I got out of my driveway , it was already close to 11pm and I didn 't want to bother calling everyone I knew and asking for a place to crash , so I just decided to drive 30 minutes down the highway to a bay house my grandparents owned . This was sometime in the winter , so I knew they wouldn 't be there . They kept a spare key on a hook inside I settled in , took a shower , and settled down for bed when the land line began to ring . Cell phone reception in the area was crap to nonexistent so everyone still had land lines . I didn 't answer it because I was afraid it was my parents calling to see if I 'd gone there . Eventually it rang again and I ignored it . Then it rang a third time and walked over and picked it back up and again there was nothing . I said " hello " several times before finally putting it down . Another ten minutes passed with me laying on the bed thinking about our argument when it rang again . I went over to it and answered as usual , and again no one said anything but I could tell that the line was open because it was dead air in the background , as if someone was just standing there with the receiver to their mouth not saying anything . It wasn 't an " electronic " silence if that makes sense . I listened for like five minutes and hung up and by that time I was pretty scared . I turned out all the lights in the house and sat there on my bed in the middle of the open studio floor plan ( I could see every part of the house the way it was built because the beds were in the back with no dividing wall ) listening for anything out of the ordinary . A good time passed where nothing happened and then I heard running water coming from somewhere . I discovered it was coming from outside and I looked out every window until I saw that the outside shower at the neighboring house was on . People who owned bay houses around there had these outdoor to shower themselves off of sand and stuff before getting back into their cars or houses . The one next door was on because I could see the water coming out of the shower head which protruded a bit above the height of the stall and I could hear the sound of the water hitting the cement below it . Like I said , it was winter and freezing out , so there was no reason for that to be on and the windows of the house were dark , so who TURNED it on ? I couldn 't tell if anyone was in the shower stall or not . But by this point , it didn 't matter . I was freaked enough , so I quickly ran out to my car and took off out of there . Once I drove far enough to reach cell phone service , I called a friend and asked him if I it back and not have my grandparents show up and realize I 'd been there . When we got to the bay house , I went upstairs to straighten out the bed sheets ( which I 'd also forgotten to do ) and when we walked inside I was horrified . The furniture had been moved around and rearranged . The recliner , sofa , kitchen table . . . everything had been moved to another area or faced in a different direction . Then I noticed that the paintings on the walls were turned upside down . Finally , there was a puddle of urine on the kitchen floor . Knowing I 'd have to confess my story of staying there , I reported a break in to the cops and they came out and looked at it . I told them about the phone calls and the shower and everything . My grandparents came out and confirmed that nothing had been stolen . Then they told the police something interesting : they said that they 'd thought I was sneaking into the bay house several times a year without telling anyone because they noticed bills from the electric company that had electricity charges for days they hadn 't been out there . They assumed it was me looking for some privacy and decided to discreetly pay them anyway and not mention it to me or my parents so as to not get me in trouble . But when I told them it wasn 't me , they were worried . They called some of their friends who also owned houses in the area to inform grandparents ' . We concluded that whoever was calling me must have gotten the number from the notepad and been sitting right there in the neighbor 's kitchen calling me the night before . Then , sometime during the night , he / she went over and got in through a window and did the switcheroo on the furniture and paintings and then peed on the floor . It I have come to the conclusion over the last few years that it was probably a homeless man making use of untended bay houses in the winter and he was probably used to the area being deserted . The fact my grandparents had their electricity used before when they weren 't there told me this was not an isolated incident . I think that night when I went out there , I provoked or scared him into thinking he was going to be discovered , so he used scare tactics to get me to leave . I don 't think he liked the idea of me being out there capable of discovering him . That 's my theory anyway . But I still can 't explain the rearranging of the furniture and paintings and leaving the urine . Maybe it was his way of going the extra mile to make sure I never went out there by myself in the night again . My freshman year of college was one of the funnest years of my life , and some of my fondest memories are from that year . But it was also the scariest and strangest year to date ( I 'm 31 now ) . This is thanks to 1 story in particular ( there are actually a couple more that I might post some other time ) that takes place over the entire school year . I still sometimes wonder how this really happened and I didn 't end up a shut - in nutjob , and it still freaks me out to this day . I 've only talked about it once or twice A good buddy from military school - we 'll call him Bill - went to same college and lived a few floors below in the same dorm as me . So of course we were getting the party started before my parents ' exhaust fumes had even evaporated from the parking lot . For the most part , the first month or so of college was pretty much like that - normal . I went to most of my classes , partied just about every night , chased girls around , and that was enough for the moment . But things began to change one night sometime in mid - September , and college for me would never be " normal " again . My dorm phone ( land - line , only zack morris carried a cell phone in 2001 get over it ) rings in the middle of the night - " hello ? " On the other end , I can only really describe the voice as the kind you picture when you think about a computer talking . Kinda like the early model car GPS 's . " Hi - ( we 'll call me Gary ) - how - are - you - today " Not fully awake , I 'm just confused at this point . " Who is this ? " He repeats " Hi - Gary - how - are - you - today " . It becomes clear I 'm being f 'd with , so I hang up and chuckle - f ' ing Bill , nice one - I pass back out . I end up forgetting about the call for a few days and never mention mention to Bill or anyone else . About a week later , I get another call around the same time of night . " Hi - Gary - I 'm - watching - you " . Nice , very cliche . " Seriously Bill , how are you not knee deep in everclear or a Tri might incentivized continued calls . I also wasn 't 100 % it was actually him and not another one of my douchebag friends . He gives a genuinely confused response . Whatever . So a couple days after 2nd call I come home Okay , so one of my friends is clearly @ sshole or bored enough to really push for a reaction here . The next day , I play the messages for Kade , who was around during the calls ( which were apparently earlier in the night when he was still awake . He 'd been a close buddy since we were in junior high , but we 'd sorta taken separate paths after high school . So anyway , he 's aware I 'm a wild child and thinks nothing of the first couple messages . By 3rd , he 's a little spooked . I then walk down to a couple other buddies ' rooms and casually but immediately bring up the subject . Nada . Over the next couple of days , I press all close and semi - close friends but get zero answers and zero suspects . Christmas break . I don 't say anything to my family at that point , although I really really should have . What started out as a decent beginning of college turned into not showing up for any classes , tests , nothing . Grades reflect , and I am too busy answering for a 0 . 67 GPA to talk about some dumb prank that would likely be dismissed as a pathetic attempt at grades explanation . So it goes . gotta get my shit together with these grades , so I tell Bill I 'm gonna have to chill out and focus on school . First night back , I get my first Spring semester call from CVG . " How - is - your - family - in - Cypress " ( hometown " I 'm - very - interested - Gary - in - being - close - to - you " ( yeah , with kind of the weird sentence structure like that ) . . . " I - have - tools - I - can - bring " . . . " It - is - going - to - all - be - over - soon " . One day I bring Bill and all my other buddies up to hear the messages ( never deleted a single one for some reason ) . I guess when things happen over longer periods of time , you don 't really feel the cumulative impact until laying out the complete package of evidence . The guys are in shock . I guess I should mention that some of these calls got really specific in making sure to note specific details about my parents ' address , as well as the violence they are planning on doing to me . " Cut - open - your - esophagus - Gary - with - a - butter - knife " and all sorts of other crap that is sort of blurred together through the hundreds upon hundreds of calls I got over the school year . different school hundreds of miles away . We 've re - connected thanks to good ole AIM and talked from time to time on the phone . CVG had mentioned a couple of times " Your - friend " and made threats about this unspecified person from time to time , but " Your - friend " turned into ( we 'll call her Layla ) " Your - friend - Layla " . Layla and I are the only 2 people ever named in these calls , but it did get me wondering if this was a new lead to the source . Layla is clueless when I call her about it . Awesome . I know that background was long to read , but you 'll understand why I had to explain the situation when I tell you about what happens next . One night , we 're all partying and drinking at some hotel ( forgot to mention all that straight - A crap went out the window as these events progressed ) . A different buddy ( Carl ) has a nice big truck we 'd all go everywhere in , but he 'd passed out drunk at the hotel after pounding an entire bottle of whateverthefxxx . I 'm not really drinking tonight , and want to get back to my own bed . I snatch Carl 's keys to drive back to campus , thinking i 'll drive back in the morning to get everyone . This was one of the few times I 'd even driven that year , so I wasn 't tip top on my directions . I make an early turn and am somehow down a road I 've never seen . I realize this pretty quick , but I figure I 've got the general direction of campus pegged so I can just continue the wrong road I 'm finding myself in open fields - still a paved road and everything , but aside from the road there was absolutely nothing and it was completely black . Around 3am . There 's this really strange 4 - way stop I come upon . Strange because I 'm probably the 4th person in a year to drive on that road - unnecessary ? Anyway , I trudge along , eventually get to the familiar highway , and home free . said was around 3am and there wasn 't a soul in sight . So yeah , I now realize CVG is obviously tracking my movements somehow . NOTE : I later joined the military , worked in the intelligence community and worked special operations and tracked bad guys all around the world - to this day I still can 't figure out how this dude knew I was in the middle of those fields on that date in the middle of the night . I never mentioned it to anyone . Around March , this apparent rendezvous became CVG 's focal point , and he 'd make sure to let me know the day way close . The calls were coming in no fewer that 10 or 15 every single day . Seriously . The ringer was now off out of courtesy to Kade , and I turned down the volume of answering machine as his phone calls recorded . But I finally get the message I 'd been waiting for . Keep in mind , I 've now become somewhat famous ( infamous ? ) at this university by now because of CVG . People were friend of whomever I know . It was all people wanted to hear about at parties . Blah blah blah , for a split second it was cool because I 'm pretty sure I ended up getting a few dates indirectly from introductions I know what you are thinking , and yeah , throughout the year I had considered the possibility that I was dealing with a female . Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned , and I was definitely that kind of dude when I was 18 - 19 years old - the kind that could attracted clinginess and anger . BUT , I started to rule out female for various reasons that only a fellow ENFJ would understand ( look it up if you 're not trackin ) . I can build profiles with a very high ratio of accuracy - to - available - information . This creep just didn 't feel like a female to me . It didn 't even feel like a peer . I was convinced I was dealing with mid - 30s white male computer nerd that I 'd come into contact So while these monkeys are gettin all hopped up on mountain dew , I stay home that afternoon wondering what the fxxx I was going to do at midnight . Of course I was going to go , but dude . Yeah , I 've always been an athlete in good shape , wrestling / football / baseball teams , yada yada . But I 'm still a 19 YO white male , good parents , grew up middle - upper class white suburbia , had a good life . In other words , I can definitely hold my own in a street fight , but this - - whatever THIS is - - doesn 't feel anything like a street fight , or any other kind of fight I 'd been in . This is a disturbed , violent , angry , ( possibly ) grown - ass psychopath that has decided to dedicate almost a full year now 15 - 20 member platoon . I had decided earlier that I was not going to allow all these knuckleheads to shadow me , but I could definitely use them in case of emergency . I didn 't want to risk him spooking out of the The witching hour came , so I leave the crew to begin the longest couple hundred or so paces of my life . My boys can see me through the glass doors , but wouldn 't really be able to see much once I get to the Coleman Hall door . About 100 paces out from my spot , I observe 2 things at the same time . 1 ) some kind of small quick movement in front of the patio walkway that goes all the way around the building , and 2 ) the movement was in a spot along the walkway where the only normally uber - bright bulb is out . I 'm not exactly sure exactly how i was able to see him , but I suddenly realize someone is crouched behind one of the contiguous cookie - cutter bushes outside the patio perimeter against one of the building pillars . In dark clothes and hoodie , he is a few feet off from the path where I 'm supposed to meet him , and positioned to where I really should not have been able to see him , given the pillar blocking any shadow plus the burnt out ( I later found out smashed ) light . In fact , I could have easily walked all the way to the door without ever have noticed someone down there . NOPE . I sorta jump mid - step as this happens , and I see him raise up a little thinking I might have seen him . I see him raise up and take a step toward me , and fight or flight hits . I 've learned that my particular fight or flight chooses fight in more mild situations , flight toward this MF , who I 'm guessing sees what I can 't yet , which is my platoon busting through the glass doors in hot pursuit . Creepster nopes the f out of there , running on the patio alongside Coleman Hall toward the parking lot [ insert or refer to picture link again ] . I can tell this isn 't the mid - 30 's computer nerd I predicted . Creepster is above average height , above average broad , and build athletically . That 's all I least tan if not Hispanic , Middle - Eastern , etc . I 'm really booking it as he right turns on a dime at the edge of the building . I realize I 'm moving fast enough to catch him , but everyone else is really far behind . I also realize I 'm moving so fast I won 't be protected as I turn hard right at the corner of the building . If he stops there , I 'm toast . As I turn the corner , I see the van sitting alone in the parking lot in front of me . It 's running and brake lights flicker on then off - - Park into Drive - - and begins inching forward toward the exit . Homeslice is of course heading for the van , which for some reason sent this whole new level of fear into me . This is it - this is really happening , and I 'm going to get fxxxing murdered tonight . But I can 't stop , something keeps me moving forward . I guess I 'd come this far , dealt with this crazy bs for almost a full year now , completely unable to do anything other than try to ignore it . I 'm not exactly " going places " academically at this point , and my life doesn 't quite have all that much purpose to it yet . If i am going to get schwacked , I will at least know and this crap will at least be over . Plus , I still have a chance to catch this madman before he gets away . If I could get close enough to dive - tackle , I would still be on my own to deal with the creepster , his driver , and now I realize there 's a 3rd one that was manning the sliding side door . AWESOME . I don 't care how badass you think you are when you 're a 19 - year old jock , your chances of taking down 3 grown men that are already violent criminals and prepared to victimize are about 1 in not - gonna - fxxxin - happen - buddy . My turn is wide and slow due to being full - on sprint , and I lose ground . I 'm probably 20 yards from the lot when he does a flying leap into the side of the van . There couldn 't have been any rows of seats for of the parking lot , bangs a right , and gone in an instant . The relief of not being kidnapped bound and gagged in that van with 3 psychos who most likely had some pretty horrific plans for me is now just as strong as the dread of the fact that this is still not over with . I was speechless , and so was my platoon as they catch up a minute later . A few concern . They all just stood there with me , catching their breath and making sure I was alright . One guy asks if anyone got a plate number , not even I did . Not enough light . We finally start walking back , and I 'm reliving the scene as we retrace our steps . As we get closer to the original meeting spot , I see something that scares me more than anything else in the entire equation has up to this point . On the opposite side of the pillar where Creepy McCreeperson was crouching , there 's a video camera sitting on a stand pointed right at the spot I would have been standing at when I should have not been able to notice him . It 's still recording . Back in the ' 60s , my dad worked as a guard at a prison near Miami . He described his most memorable experience to me recently . He says that there was one prisoner who was a lot like a younger Hannibal Lecter . Very calm but very menacing . He always kept his cool no matter what , but there was something threatening about him . In my late teenage years I came into some money after my father committed suicide and I received an inheritance from him . At time of my dad 's passing he and my mom owned a cabin up in Oregon by Mount Bachelor . The cabin had been put up for sale since my mom could no longer afford the payments and renting it out was not covering the payments either . The cabin was set to go on the market for sale in less than a month and was in the process of finalizing all the paperwork with the Realtor and lawyer . So for that month 's time the cabin was not going to be rented out any longer and was going to be vacant . I saw this as a chance to get a way for a while and clear my head in light of all the things going on . I quit work , packed up my snowboarding gear , grabbed my dog and headed up in my dad 's car ( that he had willed to me ) to the cabin . Now this was our family cabin that my parents rented out throughout the year when we were not using it . I had keys to the cabin and also had the code for the alarms so I did not feel the need to stop at the rental management company and advise them of my stay . This has nothing to do with the coming story , but felt the need to mention it anyway . drinking and smoking out on the balcony . Had already stocked up on food , cigarettes and liquor so I was pretty much a shut in aside from the occasional out to hit the slopes . With my dog as company and dvd 's / PlayStation as entertainment , I was quite content and started to feel relaxed after all the drama that had preceded my outing . The cabin itself was two stories , bottom story had the living room and a side guest bedroom along with small kitchen . Upstairs had another two rooms along with a walk out balcony attached to the master bedroom . Most my time there was spent either in the living room , kitchen or master bedroom . I never ventured into the other rooms and always kept the doors also since passed ) playing games and watching DVD 's . That day it was pretty heavy snow fall so I did not feel like trekking down the hill to the main road in my car and decided to stay in . That 's when things started getting a bit weird . In our area there were only two other Cabins adjacent to ours ( maybe a block away from each other ) . All other cabins aside from these two where around a mile away from ours . Surrounding us was mostly forest and very tall pine trees ( tall … . this is important later on ) . Both these cabins were empty and from the past couple of days I knew that no one was currently staying there . Gave enough background and am going to jump to the weirdness … . . . . Around midday while outside with my dog I noticed what looked like footprints in the snow around the area surrounding our cabin . It was still snowing so the foot prints looked semi fresh like someone had been laying on the bed with me when I noticed his ears perk up to a standstill / listening position . This was followed by him quickly jumping off the bed and running downstairs to the living room . I lay in bed and stayed silent ( I was kinda freaked out ) and could hear him moving around or that he wanted to go outside . Shit … . well fine . I cant say no to him so we both went downstairs to the outside driveway for him to his thing . Only , he didn 't want to pee . As soon as we were outside he started to pull on his leash trying to drag me to where he wanted to go . He kept looking into the dense part of the trees were the prints had been earlier . But he also kept sniffing the side of the house and looking up towards the roof . After he figured out that I was not going to go to where he wanted he sat himself down and just stared into the darkness …… a anything so I pulled him back inside and we both headed back upstairs . Around half an hour later I was lying in bed when I heard what sounded like hooves walking on my roof . It was only a series of around 6 steps and I rationalized that it could be a pine cone falling from a tree onto the roof or maybe a kind hearted forest animal running around . But here 's the thing , the steps seemed to be spaced apart like a man length stride . So it was really freaking me out . Midnight also heard the noise and was quick to run to the balcony screen door expecting for me to let him out . Alright , you know what , I 'm a tough guy and at the time considered myself to be fairly well built and strong enough to handle myself … . . So I grabbed my coat and shoes along with my cigarettes and flash light and went out onto the balcony . Fuck it right ? As soon as I was outside I lit up my cigarette and started canvassing the roof with my light … . nothing there and the snow on top was undisturbed . Weird , must have been all my head ? What about Midnight hearing the noise ? Maybe he was feeding off my fear or paranoia . I started to calm down and relax again . ( by the way … I am shaking right now and my heart is beating hard as I am typing this next bit ) . In a tree that was a little taller than our cabin and around 20 feet from the balcony I saw what looked like a man crouched in a squatting position in between two branches . It was squatted on one branch and its arms were extended above its head holding onto the branch above it . Fuck me ……… what the fuck is that ? I wasn 't sure if I was really seeing this thing and stood just staring and sat there motionless . I noticed Midnight stand up and start pacing behind me and lightly barking at the same time . The thing still did not move . I put my cigarette out and was debating on shining the light in the things direction , but something in my head kept screaming not to . So I walked backwards to the inside of the room and pulled Midnight with me . Once inside I locked the door and shined the light in the things direction but there was nothing there . I shut the curtains to the screen door and retreated back to bed . But later on in the night I heard light tapping at the screen door , like someone was tapping on the glass with their fingers . It was consistent and did not stop for nearly an hour . Midnight seemed to stare at the door but he wouldn 't go near it anymore . The weirdest part was that I had a feeling like someone was inviting me to open the door . But at the same time I kept hearing my dad 's voice in my head telling me to stay in bed and not do it . I listened to my dad 's voice and just stayed were I was . Passed out eventually and woke up in the morning and everything was I was off at college so I didn 't get back to often but about a year later I came back and wanted to visit . It was late afternoon when I got there and I was just sitting there thinking about life and such . There was a fresh grave a couple of spots away from his covered in straw while the grass grew back . As I sat there the sun started to set and I was watching the sunset and actually enjoying the quiet and the view . I heard something moving and looked around . I noticed the straw on the fresh grave move a little bit . At first I thought it was just my eyes playing a trick on me , the shadows moving in the setting sun kind of thing . house , so I had full view of the street and my neighbor 's yard through my windows . Anyway , I assumed the sound might 've been someone sweeping their patio . It was around 1 AM in the morning . Except it resembled more of a zombie shuffle than a walk . He 'd take a step with his left leg , stop , and his right leg would drag behind him . With all of his weight being put on his left side it affected his posture and gave him a slightly contorted , lopsided appearance . It looked exactly like had no idea what to think . I knew zombies weren 't real but I couldn 't explain this . I tried to convince myself I was dreaming but with every slow limp he took he got closer and closer to my house . I was convinced he knew I was sitting up there watching him and that he was on his way to get me . I ducked out of view of the window but the sounds of stepping couldn 't tell what he was doing but I was still planning out escape paths in my head just in case . Suddenly he started to get up , and now there was something in his hand . I couldn 't make out any details because man of the house had a form of dwarfism that resulted in one leg being shorter than the other , resulting in a slow , uneven gait resembling a limp . He worked from home by crafting machinery in his garage and was often up late , which would explain why he was out and about at that hour . I still can 't figure out what he might 've been doing walking down the street so late in such poor visibility , though . Maybe he just felt like taking a break and going for a We meet in a parking lot , switch trailers and drive back home . I had been on this run for a few months and found that I always got to the meet point about an hour before the other driver . It was a dark and empty dirt lot at about 3 am , so I would stretch out across the seat and One night , about 10 minutes into my nap I was awoken by a barking dog . I tried to ignore it , but it carried on for several minutes and got louder as the dog got closer . Soon , it became apparent that the dog him to scare him off . It is important to note that the barking had been going on for a good 10 minutes at this point . So , I sat up and looked out my window . Standing there , mere inches on the other side of the glass was a man of about 35 . He was a large fellow . And was barking at me . his eyes were crazy and he was frothing at the mouth a little - - the scene really held my full attention for a moment . The sheer creepiness of this struck me . Gently , and making an absolute minimum of sudden movements , I reach down and started my truck and slowly pulled away . He chased me , much like you might expect an angry dog to do , barking all the while . I was serving in the US Army and stationed in Fort Polk , Louisiana . If you 've ever been there or known someone in the US Army who has , then you 'd know this place is a shit hole . The whole region is nothing but dirt roads , shitty towns , angry red necks , and wilderness . Luckily I grew up in Dallas , Texas . I was able to drive home every other weekend to see friends and family . Back then my eyesight was perfect and I actually preferred doing long drives at night when the traffic was light and I could actually make out the headlights of police cars in the distance since the police always drove Ford Crown Victorias back then . It was about a five hour drive and about three hours of it was back roads that went through a lot of temperate forest and swamps . There were going . About fifteen minutes later I see another bicycle in the distance so I slow down again . As I 'm coming up on this one I see that it 's another person in a white shirt and jeans . I never paid too much attention to the first one so I couldn 't say whether or not it was the same guy on the same bike , but I obviously assumed it was a strange coincidence . I laughed it off and kept going . I did get a good look at the guy that time . I noted that the bike was dark blue , no reflectors ( at least on the rear ) and he had thick brown hair and white sneakers on . when I see another white shirt dancing in the distance reflecting my headlights . I slow down to about 25MPH as I come up on him . As I come closer and see it 's another person on another bicycle I pay close attention . As I pass him going slow enough to probably creep him out I stare out of the side window at him . He stares right back at me . The way he looked at me wasn 't ominous or creepy . He looked at me like I was freaking him out just as much as he was freaking me out . That tired before or after this , but I assumed I needed some coffee or something . A few minutes later I come across the only 24 hour gas station on the road until you reach the Shreveport region . I quickly pull in and go inside . I grab a bottle of water and some coffee first , then go looking for something to munch on . I 'm creeped out and just can 't stop thinking about the guy on the bike . I didn 't realize how long Then I see him , the same guy on the same bike . He is riding past where I parked my car . He pulls his bike up to the side of the building and comes inside . As soon as he enters he sees me and we catch each others ' eyes . He has a weird look on his face and I 'm sure I did too . We Now that I get a better look at him I see the white t - shirt says something about a softball team on it and a big number 05 over the breast pocket . He goes over to the cashier and they begin chatting . I can kind of tell he asked about me . The cashier probably told him it was say or do anything . I would have put the stuff back and left out the door but I already poured the coffee and was sipping on it . It was one of the most uncomfortable moments of my life . Finally the guy leaves the counter and goes to the bathroom . I take this as my cue to leave , so I run up to the counter and the cashier scans my items . He asks how my night is going while giving me a weird look . I tell him it 's okay because I don 't want to make this last longer I pay and walk to my car . As I walk past his bike I 'm looking at it and studying it . Half of me is expecting there to be a time travel device attached to it and the other half just wants to leave . I get in the car and lock the doors . I set the drinks in the cup holders and put the snacks in the passenger seat . Start the engine and put it in reverse , look in the rear view mirror and I then I almost fucking died . . . In my rear view mirror is the guy . He is riding his bike from the road , passing the back of my car , and goes to the front of the shop . He props his bike up against the wall next to the other bike . They 're identical bikes . Part of me is wondering what the fuck is happening and part of me wants to know what is going to happen when his past self comes out of the bathroom and sees his future self . Finally the guy turns around . I hadn 't noticed it yet but he hadn 't faced me since he road up to the shop . He had on the same clothes but his shirt said the same thing with a number 12 on the pocket . Right now I 'm fucking confused and my brain can 't make sense of anything . The two of them are obviously watching my car waiting for me to leave and wondering why I 'm still in the parking lot . Then the other guy who had been in the bathroom comes out and greets them ! Suddenly it makes sense to me . It was so fucking obvious but my brain wasn 't putting the pieces together because on the road it wasn 't the first assumption you come to . I get out of my car and walk inside . They 're all looking at me and I ask " you two are twins , right ? " They both look at each other and then me One of them asks me why I was creeping on him as I drove by . I told them it 's a huge misunderstanding . I began to explain that I crossed his the obvious assumption that they 're twins . I just laughed and said I don 't know . I told them that it 's just so strange to pass the same guy wearing the same clothes on the same bike three times on the same road . They stop laughing and ask " what do you mean three times ? " So I explained that I came to that impossible conclusion by passing them three times . I said their other twin brother is still out there maybe five minutes behind . They told me they were twins , not triplets . There isn 't a third person in their group . So I stop and consider the evidence since my mind is now working clearly . " I passed this " guy " three times . I know I did , right ? " They look at me like I 'm crazy again or like I 'm trying to scare them on purpose now . I explained to them I passed them three times total . Once by the bend near the deforestation where the loggers chopped down a ton of trees . Once just after the old railroad bridge . Then finally by the long stretch of road with the construction cones that mark the pot holes as crazy as they thought I was when they first saw me . . Just then one of them said " fuck me " as he stared off into the distance . I turned around and all of us were looking out the window as someone in a white t - shirt , jeans , and white sneakers riding a bike was coming up the road . I was nervous as hell and I think those guys finally But the guy on the bike just kept on going . Didn 't stop . Never came close enough for us to see him in the lights of the gas station lot . Just a guy on a bike wearing what they were wearing , riding the bike they were riding . Their doppelgänger . snack diners and stuff with indoor seating ) and I bought a beer for myself . We just sat and discussed the possibilities . Odds are he was just some other guy coincidentally wearing the same thing and riding a dark blue bike on the same road behind them . The fact that they were wearing the same thing and riding on the same road is they are twins who play in the same softball team for their dad 's car dealership , and they 've had the same bikes since middle school . So that means the other guy is the coincidence , not them . That lowers the unlikelihood of the event a bit . { We at Alone at Night love some creepy pasta . A reader sent in a link to this story , and though it isn 't the type of story we normally post , we still wanted to share it with the lot of you . Enjoy Sophomore in college and a friend of mine gave me his old Nintendo 64 to play . I was stoked , to say the least , I could finally play all of those old games of my youth that I hadn 't touched in at least a decade . His Nintendo 64 came with one yellow controller and a rather shoddy copy two other controllers for two dollars . Satisfied , I began to drive out of the neighborhood when one last house caught my attention . I still have no idea why it did , there were no cars there and only one table was set up with random junk on it , but something sort of drew me there . I usually trust my gut on these things so I got out of the car and I was greeted by an old man . His outward appearance was , for lack of a better word , displeasing . It was odd , if you asked me to tell you why I thought I was already wondering how I could politely excuse myself from the situation when he would tell me he had no idea what a video game was , but to my surprise he said he had a few ones in an old box . He assured me he 'd be back in a " jiffy " and turned to head back into the garage . As I watched him hobble away , I couldn 't help but notice what he was selling on his table . Littered across his table were rather … peculiar paintings ; various artworks that looked like ink blots that a psychiatrist might show you . Curious , I looked through them - it was obvious why no one was visiting this guy 's garage sale , these weren 't exactly aesthetically pleasing . As I came to the last one , for some reason it looked almost like Majora 's Mask - the same heart - shaped body with little spikes protruding outward . Initially I just thought that since I was secretly hoping to find that game at these garage sales , some Freudian bullshit was projecting itself into the ink blots , but given the events that happened afterward I 'm not so sure now . I should have asked the man about it . I wish I would have asked the man about it . I 'll admit I jumped out of reflex and I laughed nervously as he handed me a Nintendo 64 cartridge . It was the standard grey color , except that someone had written Majora on it in black permanent marker . I got butterflies in my stomach as I realized what a coincidence this was and asked him how much he wanted for it . like to me . All the way in the car - ride home , I had a nagging doubt that the man had said something else . My fears were confirmed when I booted up the game ( to my surprise it worked just fine ) and there was one save file named simply " BEN " . " Goodbye Ben " , he was saying " Goodbye Ben " . I felt bad for the man , obviously a grandparent and obviously going senile , and I - for some reason or another - reminded him of his grandson " Ben " . masks and 3 / 4 remains of the bosses . I noticed that he had used an owl statue to save his game , he was on Day 3 and by the Stone Tower Temple with hardly an hour left before the moon would crash . I remember thinking that it was a shame that he had come so close to beating the game but he never finished it . I made a new file named " Link " out of tradition and started the game , ready to relive my childhood . times the NPCs would call me " Link " and at other times they would call me " BEN " . I figured it was just a bug - a fluke in the programming causing our files to get mixed up or something . It did kind of creep me out though after a while , and it was around after I had beaten the Woodfall Temple that I regrettably went into the save files and deleted " BEN " ( I had intended to preserve the file just out of respect of the game 's original owner , it 's not like I needed two files anyway ) , hoping that that would solve the problem . It did and it didn 't , now NPCs wouldn 't call me anything , where my name should be in the dialogue there glitch - for those who don 't you can Google it but the jist of it is that right as the clock is about to hit 00 : 00 : 00 on the final day , you talk to the astronomer and look through the telescope . If you time it right the countdown disappears and you essentially have another day to finish whatever you were doing . Deciding to do the glitch to try and finish the Snowhead Temple , I happened to get it right on the first try and the time counter at the bottom disappeared . I was on an island in the middle of the pacific , doing my first ever project away from home . There was maybe 30 people on this 3mile island and most had finished their respective jobs and headed in to camp for the night . my job at the time was to hike around after dark to make sure company in the palm forest . When we reached a break in the trees I stopped and looked up at the stars for a second . And froze . Somewhere , in the pitch black darkness overhead was the freakiest goddam sound and it was getting louder . It was coming towards us . It literally sounded like a fussy baby crying . Overhead . Flying towards us . I looked at my crabfriend and he looked at me with the same freaked out expression , and I bolted . I ran straight for the research tent . Some time before I reached it , my brain must 've kicked back on , be cause the first thing I said to another person was : " is there a bird that sounds like a flying ghost baby ? ? ? " Yes . There is , it 's called a Wedge Tailed Shearwater and it freaked me the f * k out . Hello , fear lovers . We here at Alone at Night need your help . Our dreams for this site is to see our visitors participating more fully in the site . We would love to take a more hands off approach and let our inmates basically run the asylum . We 've wanted this for as long as the site has been around , but so far we 've been pretty unsuccessful . We realized , however , that we never asked you , dear reader , what it is that you think we should do with the site ? What would encourage you to participate more , i . e . leave more comments on stories , submit more stories , check those little check boxes beneath the stories ? How can we at Alone at Night make this site more enjoyable for you ? I was about four or five years old and my parents had just separated . My mom was living in a two bedroom apartment , I had my own room but I liked sleeping in her bed whenever I was staying with her . Our two bedrooms were at the end of a hallway , directly across from Anyways , I woke up in the middle of the night and remember sitting up and seeing that our cat was sitting in the door frame of my mom 's room ( her door was open and you could partially see into my bedroom ) . It was strange because our cat was a huge snuggler and was typically always in bed with us . As I was watching him he walked into my bedroom and meowed . I turned to face my mom and wake her up . In the three - four seconds it took her to wake up and ask me what was wrong we both looked back up in the door frame and their was a man standing by my open door , making his way out of my bedroom . I still don 't know how she managed to do it so quickly , but my mother proceeded to pick me up and literally throw me out of the screen window ( again , we were on the first floor and it was maybe a three foot drop to the ground ) . She quickly followed and we were The police came but didn 't see any signs of forced entry . Only that our front door was unlocked which led them to believe the man must have exited that way . But the strange thing was that my mom swore up and down that she had locked the door that night , with the deadbolt and chain lock . About a week later she was cleaning the kitchen and opened up our water heater closet and found a notebook with names and drawings , as well as a pair of gloves and some gum wrappers . The man had been in our house and hid until we were asleep . Posted by We at Alone at Night enjoy a creepy comic as much as the next person . In fact , probably too much - - we might have a problem . But , just because we could waste hours of our precious time reading , reading , reading them , doesn 't mean you shouldn 't be able to indulge in a little comic terror . So , to introduce you gently into that good genre , we recommend " His Face All Red . " It 's a small town on Vancouver Island . The building is fairly nice , mostly families and older people . I 'm probably the youngest person living here on their own . So each floor has four apartments . Mine is in the back of the building , on the second floor . As the title suggests , this has to do with my peephole . I noticed pretty early on that the peepholes in this building were crazy wide angle . Like , when you look through it , you can see pretty much the entire floor . Call me paranoid , but anytime I go out to the kitchen to get a drink at night , I always look through the peephole . I always have anywhere I 've lived with one . I dunno , I guess it makes me feel more aware of what 's going on - - just in case there 's an evil ghost murderer with oranges waiting for me , I 'll have a heads up . few days later the same thing . It was a little earlier , I think around 12 : 30 , but she was just standing outside her door , plain as could be . She looked around a bit and then went back in . The very next day , I look out my peephole , and she 's standing in front of my fucking door . Not like , up against it , she 's in the middle hall , but she 's FACING my door . It scared the shit out of me . So I 'm just standing there watching this creepy little kid standing in front of What the fuck ? I 'm too chicken shit to speak out and ask her anything , but seriously . Why is this little girl staring at my door in the middle of the night . . . ? in the woods , playing in mid - construction houses , that kind of thing . But one thing he suggested that always has stuck with me were several times when he got us to go stalk a girl he knew . I never really understood why he wanted to do it then and he 's so normal now that I wonder how it even happened . The first time it happened we were bored and wandering around the neighborhood , talking about girls . Joe mentioned a girl he had a crush on and how she , conveniently , lived only a block away at the end of a dead end street on a tall hill . I think we joked a little bit about making a prank call to her or ding dong ditching her house , but Joe one upped it and said how about we do some army surveillance in her back yard . We 'd crawl around undetected in the yard , see what was going on inside , kill 15 - 20 minutes and be on our way . It definitely sounded weird , but what teenage boy doesn 't love the idea of crawling around in the dark and playing army dude . Plus I was young , and she was supposedly an attractive female , so that probably played into it . We got to her house and snuck around the side . . . lights off pretty much all the way around except for the kitchen which was off the back . The house had five windows off the back , four of the basic pane variety that were all dark and one that was more like french doors for the kitchen , so that one was pretty open . On the side there were two windows , one upstairs one downstairs , both dark . The backyard was all grass with no obstacles for a bit , but there was a back tree / grass line that provided coverage . That said it was very thin , maybe 4 feet until the yard that backed this yard , so we could be seen from either side . The side yard with the two windows was much easier to hide in . . . there was no house next door so this area was pitch black and between tree cover and a tree house they had , plus some bushes , it would be really hard to be detected on that side . So we came up the side and investigated , as I said all lights were out . We go around back and we 're on that " fence line " ( it was fall so it was really more of a leaf line since there wasn 't a fence ) . An older woman ( Mom ? ) was in the kitchen so we laid on our bellies for a while watching her as she went through the daily mail . An older man ( Dad ? ) came in and talked with her for a while before going to the right and turning on the light in that room , which turned out to be a bathroom ( awkward ! ) . As he 's doing that the girl that Joe had a crush on came to talk to her Mom , so we all got to see her . She was definitely cute , but I was feeling a huge mix of feelings with us spying on these people that weirdly made her even better looking . Lee agreed . . . so we both felt We probably laid there watching the kitchen scene unfold for forty five minutes to an hour , so far longer than our 15 - 20 minutes we initially figured . We moved around a bit at times when people came in and out of the room to check other rooms , but nothing ever lit up besides the kitchen and the bathroom . So eventually ( I think it was a school night ) we decided we had been sketchy enough and walked back home . felt a lot awkward about it . That being said , the weekend came and , with more time to spare since we didn 't need to get in as early to sleep , my brother 's friend suggested we head back . It 's amazing how much of me wanted to go back , so much so that we took my 7 year old brother Josh with us too since he was playing with us outside at the time . I want to say he was a streetwise 7 year old for our suburbs . . . but he was also just a 7 year old so that was a pretty terrible idea . But I was also 10 . . . so it happened . is positively lit UP . The kitchen light is on , the bathroom light is on , the top left light out back is on ( but we can 't see in ) and both side lights were on . The top light on the side we couldn 't see in , but the bottom room was actually a computer room and when we showed up the Dad was in there . We actually got really nervous at first that he saw us walk up since we always came around the side . . . but I guess he didn 't since we were able to safely find out positions either on the fence line We waited for a while , and eventually the crush comes into the computer room and takes over the computer from Dad . Me , Lee , and Joe all immediately flock to that side , with our buddy climbing into the tree house , quoting that weird Adam Sandler song about a stalker as he did it . Lee and Joe were frozen on that spot for most of her online marathon . . . could 've been 10 minutes could 've been an hour . . . but eventually I wanted " more action " and went back to the tree line where Josh was hiding . Mom and a little boy were now in the kitchen chatting There was a house behind us as I mentioned before , and we swore we caught movement out of the corner of our eyes which could mean someone caught us . We both duck down and froze and waited . No one said anything . . . we didn 't see anything , but after what felt like 15 - 20 minutes the back room light of the house behind us shut off . Pretty spooky since they were near us , but we figured we were in the clear . . . maybe we just noticed someone before they saw us or something . So we stuck around in that back leaf area , watching the kitchen and the back room alternatively , probably for another 5 minutes . This is when all hell broke loose . As we were still lying on the ground , the back porch light of the crush 's house turns on , bright as the sun , and the Dad comes out on a cordless phone . Crush stood behind him at the french doors - I think she just wanted to see what was out there . The neighbor behind us had seen us and I guess they were friends because they immediately called the Dad to let him know something was up . He had a bat in his other hand and we had no idea what to do so we all just took off in different directions . I saw Lee take off around the side yard and down the hill , which was our typical way . Since myself and Joe were both in the back yard we both got up and ran towards the house with the back porch room . . . we didn 't know where else to go and that seemed most direct to my I froze like a deer . I was literally in the middle of the street , watching this interaction happen about 30 yards from me also in the middle of the street , but neither Dad nor Joe saw me . Dad seemed to have no idea what to do with Joe . . . Joe was just 12 after all and even though Dad had a 12 year old daughter it was still just a kid . So he told him to never do this again , next time I 'll call the cops , etc . , and Lee was there too . We then realized that Josh was not there . And seeing how he was 7 , and how this man with a bat threatened police action , and how the whole thing in general was kind of sketch , we got pretty nervous . We debated going back , roaming the neighborhood ( he was definitely within half a mile but that 's a pretty big radius ) , etc . when all of a sudden Josh comes running down the hill to our yard . Turned out he was lying on his stomach to blend in before everything went nuts , and when everything did he just never . . . got . . . up . The Dad almost stepped on him but never noticed him , and after waiting for everything to die down Josh slipped out the side yard like Lee and came back home . Clever kid . We 've talked about the incident literally once since . . . even in the moment it was too weird to bring up again especially with us leaving Josh behind . It was 6 - 7 years later and I randomly thought of it and mentioned it to Lee . He said " Man . . . that was really fucked up . " and that was the end of that conversation . It 's now 10 years later and I 've never told anyone the story , including my wife . One night , at about 3 am , a man comes up to the counter as though he is going to have me start putting together a Subway sandwich . He is wearing a big coat ( which seemed odd , since this was in a warm area of California and was probably 70 degrees at the time ) , he is of mixed race , bearded , and probably about 50 - 60 years old . He just looks down and won 't make eye contact with me . " Them motherfuckers with the big black eyes are trying to take me . I had two children , but they took them away from me . They took everything away from me . I used to be one of the Village People , you know . " shop ( much to my relief ) and stand behind the man . The man throws his arms up in the air and says , " You go on ahead of me . I 'm not in line . I 'm not buyin ' anything for myself . I 'm buyin ' you kids your sandwiches . The two soldiers politely declined his offer , and went up to order their sandwiches . I assembled their subs , and they began to pay for them , when the man with the coat suddenly announced at the top of his lungs , " I am God ! I am God ! " The two customers finish paying and depart ( much to my dismay ) , leaving me with the man . I run over to the phone and dial the police station . As I do so , the man loses his energy in an instant and begins sobbing again . He exits the restaurant slowly . As I 'm speaking with the dispatcher on the phone , she says , " Yes , we 've gotten several calls about this man tonight , but we haven 't been able to find him . We 'll be down there right away . " Within a couple minutes , I see the blue lights of cop cars as police officers take the man into custody along the side of the highway . I always prided myself on being pretty good with dealing The library at my university closed at midnight and I had been cramming for a statistics class . I remember that clearly because it was such a hard class , I was late at the library studying a lot for it . The building is clearing out and a big group of us are leaving . A man , taller than me , wearing a really big coat - heavier than necessary for the weather - sidles up to me to chat . I should point out this guy wasn 't in the group leaving the library , he had been hanging out across from the doors I came out of . Being friendly I smiled at him , engulf me . I never should have let him walk this far , I realized , because the path was on the edge of darkness . If I could run ahead I 'd be at my apartment , but then he 'd know where I lived . . . and what if I couldn 't run fast enough through the dark practice field ? wearing basketball shorts and at a glance he 's either got an erection or a weapon of some kind . I remember thinking it was impolite to acknowledge it . Some terrible sense of impropriety at saying , " oh my , stranger , is that a baton to bludgeon and rape me with , or just the boner you intend to to the job ? " Thankfully there 's a light in the building to the right and I veer towards the double doors . A janitor is waxing the floor and I scramble inside and slam the door . I tell the worker there 's a guy following me , don 't let him know which way I go . He started to tell me to wait and he 'll get campus police . . . Now , this is something I have done loads of times before , and i usually don 't meet any creeps on my way . The road I took home is well lit for the most of the way , and the last 400m ( Americans : about the lenght of three football fields and a pecan pie ) consists of a parking lot , a flight of stone stairs leading up to the main road , and a straight road on to my apartment . On the way home I home from the city at those hours . They were shouting for a long time , so I took out one of my ear phones to hear what they were shouting . And I heared them wolf whistling at me , and shouting things to me in English . ( I was wearing a long coat , so they must have liked my ankles . . ) They were 50 m behind me now , but I could tell they were not running towards me . We were now going up the stairs leading towards the main road , and I quickly turned and saw they were only three guys , in their 30 's . I could tell they were from either Poland or the surrounding Being less than 200m from home , I took out my keys , still walking , having them 50m behind me . On the top of the stairs there is a guy , and he says something to me . I am a bit flustered , and I don 't register what he says until I have walked past him . But he said he can walk with me , or something . He looked like a genuinely nice guy , but I was a bit preoccupied with everything at that moment that I just blurted out " No thanks " or something , and continued across the road . locks behind you when you close it . So I got up to the door and opened it as I eyed them 20m away . They were still walking towards me . I got in , and heard them getting closer to the door . Knowing my door is now locked , I decided to wait until they were gone before I walked up to my apartment . I stood there looking at the door knob , and it suddenly jerks . I heard laughter as they walked past my door . I then ran up to the apartment and looked out the window that leads out to the side walk . The men were walking away , and I never saw them again . ( Hello Alone at Night visitors . Our new book is alive ! It 's available on Amazon . I love to ride my bike along the country roads of a . . . This happened to me about 12 years ago when I was 10 . Still to this day it creeps me out . Down the road from my house is a petrol station . I . . . Hello , Alone at Night Scary Stories fans . Big news . You can read more about Alone at Night 's Patreon account here . Alone at Night h . . . Hello , Alone at Night fans . We 're still waiting for our first Patreon contributor . Will it be you ? If you enjoy the content that Alon . . . |
She sensed something was wrong that last night in the Midwestern city . He was drinking too much . They almost argued and everything felt filled with anxiety . He was distant . The intensity of their passion was more than it had ever been . She was almost afraid he was going to hurt her . He came close but bailed out at the last moment . The next morning , she knew something was wrong . He handed her his prize baseball cap , commenting it had his DNA in it . He looked at her like he was trying to remember and forget , all at the same time . When they got to the airport , she turned around and he had vanished . In the few days that were left , he sent messages to her that talked about trust . Over and over , he spoke of trust and long - term commitment . She believed him still . She had known him so long , but they had never connected on such a deep level before . She could relax about their relationship . He said it was for the long haul . Then she got the note . The note using their special love words , supposedly from her , the other one . Telling her that he had come home , that it was over . He sent her one note , telling her the same thing . She believed that for weeks . He tried to be cruel . He sent her a message , ostensibly from the other one , telling her he forgave her . For what ? Then she received several emails . They were supposed to be from the other one , but they weren 't . He gave himself away by using the first personal pronoun and two initials he always used to refer to himself . It all fell into place . He had broken off the relationship himself and blamed the other one . He had been as cruel as possible while preaching words of love and commitment and trust . She looked in the water . He wasn 't worth anything . Not her tears , not her heartache . She was the lucky one . Now if she could only make herself believe it . She had spent little time at the ocean in her life . Now she had the chance to spend some time at the water . Any ocean , all oceans , renewed her . More than renewed her , sustained her . Today it was raining , the beginning of monsoon season . There had been a terrible drought all winter . They were all glad to see the rains come , as long as the wind didn 't follow . She started to stay home , to spend the day writing . She wanted to see the bay in the rain . She grabbed her poncho and jumped in the car . The pier was about 12 miles away . That was the best place to see the bay . When she pulled up to the pier , no one was there but her . The rain was softly falling . She walked out almost to the gates beyond which only the fishermen went and sat down on the edge . The water was almost perfectly clear . The rain beat on the surface of the water . She could clearly see the schools of fish . Most of them she still couldn 't identify . She knew the sheepshead . She saw a school of snook . One of her goals for the winter was to learn more about the fish in the area . That area under the pier was shallow . There was a great flapping of wings and a swoosh behind her . One of the large white egrets had landed on the pier and a great blue heron was a couple of dozen feet away . The sky was as gray as granite and the bay was just barely whitecapping as she looked on out . Her heart rate slowed and the tightness in her chest loosened . She was at peace . An hour or so later , she started for home , feeling better . She was always so tense until she saw the ocean . She hoped she could capture her feelings on paper . When she got home , she sat down with a steaming cup of tea and started to write . The scene she was trying to write before she left , and that was escaping her , flowed easily from her fingertips . If you are a writer of fiction , you have to have a good imagination . You have to be able to create imaginary characters , stories , settings . Fiction is a work of good imagination . Children have the most wonderful imaginations . They let their imaginations run wild and free and create whole worlds in which to play . As adults , we have become accustomed to reining in our imaginations . We have to be an adult , act like an adult , and use our imaginations only in controlled circumstances , like writing fiction . We can 't live in fantasy worlds lest we hurt other people . When a writer embarks on a work of fiction , it is a difficult transition to make . They are suddenly allowed to let their imagination , at least as it relates to the story they are writing , run wild and free like a child 's imagination . It has to be a bit more controlled in order to tell their story . It was the fall of the year . Adele and her husband , Daniel , decided to take a drive in the countryside . They were a retired couple , but they lived in the city . They didn 't get out in the country very much . Even though they were retired , they led busy lives . The countryside was beautiful . They lived where there were lots of hardwood trees and the leaves were changing . Adele and Daniel were driving down a tree - lined lane through trees with leaves that were golden , red , and every color in between . It was beautiful . On either side of the road , there were farms . Farms that had grown wheat and corn during the preceding summer . Farms that also had beef and dairy cattle and other farm animals . The couple was enjoying seeing the sights . There were farms along the way with pumpkin patches for children . Farms that had grown apples . There were lots of people milling around . Suddenly , Adele and Daniel passed by a large farm that had grown corn that year and they realized there was something odd about the dried - up cornfield . Adele slowed the car and Daniel asked her to turn into the farm 's driveway . As the turned in , they saw a sign that said Corn Maze . Daniel was excited . He had gone through mazes before and he wanted to go through this one . But he found it odd that no one else was there to go through the maze . Adele and Daniel got out of the car and followed the signs toward the maze . Suddenly , an old man appeared with a shovel in his hand . He asked what they wanted . Daniel explained that they had seen the sign about the maze and he 'd like to go through it . The old man shrugged his shoulders and told him to go ahead . Adele sat down on a nearby bale of hay . Daniel started through the maze . The maze didn 't look that large and after a half hour , Adele started to get concerned . Daniel had not returned . The old man was over at the side of the maze digging something . She told him of her concern and he just shrugged his shoulders . Another hour passed . Adele was really upset and she confronted the old man and asked him where Daniel was . The old man told her that sometimes , people went in to the maze and didn 't come out . Adele got out her phone and dialed 911 . The police arrived and a search party went into the maze looking for Daniel . More and more police arrived . They had trouble finding each other in the maze . They erected large lights and searched all night . They found no sign of Daniel . Finally , the Sheriff of the county confronted the old man . The old man said the same thing he had told Adele - that sometimes people went into the maze and didn 't come out . He didn 't know why . Adele could attest to the fact that she could see the old man the entire time Daniel had been gone . Finally , Adele had to leave . The Sheriff took her home because there was no sign of Daniel . No one could explain his disappearance . The Sheriff asked Adele a lot of questions about their marriage . Were they happy ? Would Daniel just walk off ? Adele had no reason to think any of that was true . The Sheriff advised her to wait . That Daniel would probably show up . The old man stood on the pier . He was there at high tide . He was there at low tide . He particularly liked to be there at sunset . He seemed to know everyone and everyone seemed to know him . If you walked by him on the pier , you wouldn 't have found anything particularly physically special about this man . He was more than middle - aged . Animated in his physical movements . Tall in stature . He seemed to make an effort to meet most people who frequented the pier . Joy began to talk to him about the manatees in the water . He heard her mention them and pointed out the spot to her where she might see them . He was amusing and both she and Glen enjoyed talking with him . She felt like he was doing stand - up comedy . Finally , Glen went off to talk with one of the fishermen on the pier . Joy enjoyed speaking to the old man . She sought out intellectual conversations whenever the opportunity arose . He certainly fulfilled that need for her . At first , she snapped pictures of the beautiful sunset as they talked . He was the kind of person you felt like you had known forever . You wished you had known him forever . He was wise . Kind . One of Joy 's first impressions was that his eyes seemed to look right through her , right to her heart and soul . She found that interesting , but disconcerting . They talked a bit about their work and each downplayed what they had done in their past life , before retirement . She still did not know exactly what the old man did in his former life . He learned a bit more about her , but not specifics . Somehow , those things didn 't seem important when they were talking . They talked about deeper things , although they kept it lighthearted in tone . The sun set and the old man told her about some of the creatures of the night that came to the pier . The night heron who tried to steal the fisherman 's catch . The great egret who stood at the far end of the pier and watched the action . The manatees . The dolphins . Joy felt that he had so much more to share with her that they could talk forever . The old man introduced her to many people who came to the pier and told her about them . What they did , who they were , how they fit in his life . She had never really met anyone like him . Joy 's career had been almost exclusively male - dominated . She had not only worked mostly with men , but had male friends , all her life . She enjoyed the company of men , often more than women . She was comfortable . One day she went to the pier at high tide . Her worst fear had come true . The old man wasn 't there . She went back at low tide , then at sunset . No sign of him . She repeated that pattern for many days . She felt a deep sense of loss . Maybe someday he 'll be back , she thought . It had been a long time since Joy had let anyone close in any way . The old man of the sea had touched her soul . She didn 't even know his name . It was important to Rita that she have a career . More important than anything . She married , but neither she nor her husband wanted children . She wanted her offspring to be the lives she touched as a professional woman . It was the late 1970s . Rita decided on a career path . One that was going to be difficult because it was typically a man 's world . She didn 't buy that . If she studied hard , worked harder , she knew that she could do it . She could compete with men . She could certainly work with men . She was up for that challenge . Not only would this career path be fulfilling for her as a professional , but it would provide her with financial security . Financial security was important to Rita . She had never had much of that growing up . Rita went to college , then to graduate school . She succeeded in obtaining the credentials she needed to pursue her desired career . She went after a job . She was highly sought after because she was a woman . It was now the early 1980s and companies were seeking diversity in their workforce . Rita worked very hard , accomplishing as much as two men . Companies still discriminated back then . She was never paid as much as men doing comparable jobs . She stil worked hard . She was able to have a home , cars , clothes , travel , and all the things she thought she wanted . Best of all , she was able to buy them with money she had earned . She didn 't have to depend on any one else . She didn 't regret her decision regarding not having children . She 'd never been taught domestic skills growing up . Never been encouraged to be a mother . She wouldn 't have known how . Outside of her work , she developed many other interests and a plethora of friends . She had a lot of skills , both in her vocation and as avocations . As Rita got older and started thinking about retirement , she realized that she didn 't really want to retire . After all , what would she do with no family ? She had already traveled around a big part of the world , at least the part she wanted to see . She had known for some time that her home didn 't really give her pleasure . Rita had been taught to take pleasure in " things . " Beautiful , expensive things , but they were still just things . She had a house full of these beautiful and expensive things that meant nothing to her . They carried sad memories . Memories of loved ones who were long gone . She hated looking at these things . They simply signified the loss of the family she had loved . Then Rita experienced a crisis in her life . A traumatic experience that made her question everything about her life . Her home reminded her of that crisis . She felt that she needed time away from it . She decided to take another trip , this time to a place she had always loved but where she had not visited in some time . A very different place from her home . Somewhere she felt she could recover from the traumatic event that had occurred in her life . Something happened while Rita was on her trip to the place where she felt she could recover from her tragedy . Rita realized what she needed in her life and it was not the " plenty " she had at her home . It wasn 't the big house , the nice cars , the beautiful clothes , and all the largesse that goes with it . She realized those things were causing a poverty of her spirit . Putting her energy into taking care of such things was the wrong thing for Rita to do . Instead , she needed time to live simply , in a simple place , with like - minded people . After that revelation came to her , she didn 't care about her home again . Rita realized she couldn 't live any longer with the poverty her spirit felt . She had to leave the people and places that made her feel inadequate and stressed . She had to leave the house where she had plenty , but where she really lived in poverty , and the house that stole her time . She had to run , as fast and hard as she could , toward the place and the people who made her feel young again , strong again , smart again . She had to do it quickly because she was in the last quarter , the last quarter of her life . She would take with her the people from the " before " life who she loved and who loved her and who made her feel strong . She would leave all the others behind . She would embrace the new place , the magical place . She would make this last quarter of her life the quarter of " plenty , " not poverty of spirit , and finally be happy . Share this : TweetEmailMoreShare on TumblrLike this : Like Loading . . . I Can See for Miles … . . Farther ! 03 / 22 / 2017 / Rosemary Carlson / Leave a comment My name is Liz and I told my story here last fall in a story called I Can See for Miles . I didn 't use my name then because I was so humiliated and embarrassed . I can use my name now . Yes , I let someone humiliate me . Hurt me terribly . Embarrass me . Shatter my heart . It 's six months later now and I can tell a little more of my story . Some of it is so personal I can 't tell it all , but I can talk more about what happened to me . Maybe it will help someone else . To put it simply , I got involved in a relationship with the wrong man . I didn 't know he was the wrong man . I had known him for more years than I want to think about and we had been involved on some level a number of times before last fall . It wasn 't a traditional relationship . Quite the opposite . But , it was a relationship that was important to me and I had every reason to think it was also important to him , including both his words and his actions . He was the love of my life …… . . I thought . The truth of the matter is that I made a terrible mistake and a terrifically bad decision to get involved with this man - ever . From the first time many years ago . Why ? Because he is a sociopath . Sociopaths are dangerous people and I found that out - in spades . He has some other issues besides the fact that he is a sociopath , but that is the issue most relevant to what happened to me with him . Normal people don 't do what he did . Not only men can be sociopaths . Women can be too . In my case , it was a man . Let me tell you what makes a sociopath who he is and why he is dangerous . 1 . Sociopaths are charming and smooth . Dating a sociopath can be wonderful . They sweep you off your feet . Believe me , I was swept totally off my feet . 3 . They are also good at faking relationships . In fact , I did not ever , over many years , have an actual relationship with this man . It was fake . It was all fake . Sociopaths cannot have real relationships because they have no empathy . Perhaps that 's the reason this man had been married more than five times . The relationship was real to me because he was able to make it feel real to me , but it was never real . There was something about our relationship that he needed , that he gained . 4 . Sociopaths are control freaks but you often don 't realize it because they are so good at it . I certainly didn 't realize it . He chooses to date or marry you because you meet a need , not because he loves you or even likes you . 5 . Sociopaths will treat you like a queen , until they are finished with you . You may have a thousand wonderful times with a sociopath . I certainly did . But , they will eventually throw you away like yesterday 's garbage . You will feel like yesterday 's garbage . 6 . In relationships , sociopaths are self - serving . A relationship to them is a means to an end . They want something - money , power , sex , amusement , something you can give them . When you quit being able to give it to them , they are gone . 7 . A sociopath has three phases to his relationship . First is the assessment of the victim . Will she meet his needs . Second is when he is in the relationship and getting what he needs . He will fake love and romance but he feels nothing . Third is the abandonment stage . He leaves the other person when he has gotten what he wants . He has a desire to hurt that person and goes about the business of doing that . 9 . Can a sociopath love ? In a word , no . They love themselves , power , and manipulation . They love in an unemotional , uncaring manner , but the partner does not know it . But , the true , complex emotion of love . Absolutely not . 10 . Can you love a sociopath ? On that , I am an expert and the answer is yes , absolutely . That 's because you aren 't loving the real person , but a persona . You are treated so well and so intensely , that you can love a sociopath very intensely . I think what is so important to me about these ten points about sociopaths is that I did love this man who was a sociopath and wasted many , many years of my life loving him . The second thing is that I was hurt deeply when the relationship ended , before I figured out that I had been involved with a man who was a sociopath . Third and most important is that sociopaths have a desire to hurt their former partner and they very methodically go about doing it . That is what makes a sociopath dangerous . So why is this post entitled , " I Can See for Miles … . Farther ? " I will never totally recover from the hurt from this relationship , but I have discovered a new relationship ! I have met a wonderful man who is good to me . I 'm a different , eccentric kind of girl and our relationship isn 't traditional either , but it is good . In fact , it is very very good . I 'm happy and fulfilled in this relationship . I never thought that would happen for me again . When Rebecca was a teenager , a tragedy befell her . I 'm only talking about the tragedy now because I 'm telling her story in a book I 'm writing and this chapter is necessary in order for you to understand her . It 's part of Rebecca 's backstory . Her tragedy is a nightmare that every parent fears and an event that would mark any teenage girl for life . It marked Rebecca and changed her and her life forever . I 'm spending some time working on the backstory here on my blog . All of you writers and readers out there , I 'd love your constructive criticism ! When Rebecca was a young teenager , her relationship with her mother was very dysfunctional . Her mom was a woman who was probably clinically depressed , though that was not a diagnosis typically made in the 1960s . She was very reclusive and laser - focused on Rebecca . She wanted Rebecca to study and make good grades . She didn 't want Rebecca to see her friends . Instead , Rebecca went to school and came home . She received constant warnings from her mom about what a bad influence her friends were on her , along with how she should not ever be around boys . When Rebecca was fifteen , her mother and dad had finally decided to let her go to selected places with her friends . She could never go anywhere like a school dance , but she could go to her friends ' houses , a drive - in restaurant , or a ballgame . Her dad would take her and come pick her up . Then something happened when sixteen was right around the corner . Rebecca went to a basketball game with some of her girlfriends . SItting near them in the bleachers was a group of boys from the other high school in town . Rebecca didn 't know any of them . She didn 't even notice them . A boy from their group came over during the game and sat down beside Rebecca . They started to talk . She was very shy , but he drew her out and they laughed and talked a little during the game . At its end , he asked Rebecca out on a date . She told him she would have to ask her parents . He said he would call her and asked for her telephone number . Rebecca was thrilled . It was the first time she 'd been asked out on a date . As her dad drove her home that night , he told her that he had seen her talking to T . J . at the ballgame . She was scared to talk to her dad about it , but she knew she had to if she wanted to go out on a date with T . J . She told her dad T . J . 's name and a little about their conversation . A conversation between a shy , young girl and a boy who was a year older and more experienced . A boy who had already had a steady girlfriend . Her dad knew T . J . 's dad . After Rebecca asked if she could go out with T . J . , her dad didn 't say anything for a long time . Finally , he gruffly told her she could . Rebecca threw her arms around his neck , even though he was driving . She didn 't see the tears in his eyes . The tears in her dad 's eyes were not about that particular boy . Not then . They were because he knew he had to let Rebecca grow up . Had he known what would happen because of T . J . McNamara later , he would never have given his permission . He had no way to know . Somehow , Rebecca 's dad convinced her mother that it was all right for Rebecca to go out with T . J . They never went out on school nights unless there was a ballgame . They dated throughout the end of Rebecca 's sophomore year in high school and through what would have been the first semester of her senior year in high school . Rebecca started college that semester . They became part of each other 's families . They were happy . T . J . had asked Rebecca to marry him . Then , in the spring semester of Rebecca 's senior year , T . J . suddenly told her that he wanted to date other people . It was out of the blue . There was nothing she could do about it , and she and T . J . went their separate ways . Rebecca cried a million tears . One night , not very long after that , Rebecca went out with a group of kids in their car to the local drive - in restaurant . She didn 't even see T . J . 's car pull in , but before she knew it , T . J . jerked open the door of the car in which she was in and yanked her out of the car . Her friends started screaming for him to let her go , but he shoved her into his car and roared away . No one could possibly have caught him . Rebecca doesn 't remember what words passed between them . As they pulled out of the restaurant 's parking lot , they turned toward the outskirts of the small town . The first thing Rebecca felt was T . J . hitting her in the face with his fist . He had never raised a hand to her during their years of dating . Things got fuzzy for Rebecca after that first blow . All she remembers is that he kept hitting her in the eye and face as he drove . She finally passed out . When she awoke , he was beating her in the abdomen , still driving the car , and she passed out again . The next thing Rebecca remembered was being in T . J . 's car on the shoulder of the road leading to his parent 's house . He was talking to her even though she had been unconscious . He was asking her how they could cover up what he had done . She doesn 't remember answering . She was in a stupor . Not exactly unconscious , but not conscious either . He drove her to his parent 's farm which was a number of miles out of town . She remembers T . J . 's mother sitting down in shock when she saw them walk in and thinking she must look bad . The only other thing she remembers about that visit is T . J . 's parents telling him to take her home . Rebecca doesn 't remember the drive home . All she remembers is waking up in a heap in her driveway and thinking that it was dark and she hurt and was alone . She supposed that T . J . just pushed her out of the car instead of face her parents . She was too weak to get up . She just laid there and cried for her dad . Somehow , her dad heard her or heard something and came to investigate . She remembers that he snatched her up , crying , and took her inside and laid her on the couch . She remembers thinking she 'd ruin her mother 's couch with blood . He and her mother tried to get her to talk to them and tell them what happened . She doesn 't remember talking , but she must have mentioned T . J . Her dad put she and her mother in the car and drove them to the Emergency Room . Then he left , although Rebecca didn 't know until weeks later that he went to T . J . 's parent 's farm and tried to kill him with a 2 ' X4 ′ piece of lumber . His dad stopped him . Rebecca was in the hospital for several days . Her eye was damaged with all the blood vessels broken . The bones in her eye socket were bruised and her jaw on the right side was cracked . The facial bruising was severe as was the bruising on her abdomen . She had broken ribs . Rebecca 's parents told her later that she didn 't speak to them or to the doctor 's the entire time she was in the hospital . She went home at the end of those few days , but she never went back to high school again . She did eventually continue on in college when she had healed . Physically . Rebecca didn 't ever emotionally heal . Not really . Rebecca never talked to T . J . again . She never knew what caused him to do what he did . He was obviously an abuser . She didn 't even see him again for many years . When she did , there was no remorse on his face . Instead , there was a sneer . Many years later , physical damage from that terrible beating came back to haunt Rebecca . The emotional and mental injuries were , by far , the worst . It was years before she went out on another date . She finished college quickly in that small town in eastern Tennessee . She did have many friends , but she didn 't see her high school friends . She left as quickly as she was finished with college and moved to the city . Except for coming back and visiting her parents , it was years before she ever spent time in her hometown again . There was no doubt that Rebecca needed psychological counseling after the incident with T . J . , but that kind of therapy was not widely available during the 1960s and 1970s . Instead , she buried that incident in her psyche and didn 't think about it for years at a time . Later in Rebecca 's life , she realized that it had shaped her relationships for all of her life . It was too late now . The little bookstore used to be one of the gathering places in the small village . The front of the bookstore had the current bestsellers and also some books that were worthy but that had not caught the eye of the public . As you walked toward the back of the bookstore , the books got older and more were in paperback . All were carefully vetted by the owner , Pete Turner . All he wanted was high quality literature in his store . This was before the federal government stepped in and started banning books . There were always sectors of society that banned books . Public schools . Libraries . They usually banned them because they contained sex , violence , profanity . Pete bought books for literary value . That was in the past . Before the federal government , beginning in 2017 , sent out squads of soldiers to pull books off the shelf that were on their banned book lists . What the squads of soldiers didn 't know is that Pete kept shelves of banned books hidden in the basement of his bookstore . He had put book jackets on the banned books that were fake . The jackets from other books that were on the government 's approved list . In 2017 , the federal government decided to try to control the American people 's reading material . They were relentless . They went into libraries and schools and stripped the shelves of any book on the list and even some that weren 't . Bookstores were hit especially hard . They even pulled the Harry Potter series off the shelves . It had been on the banned book list off and on and so many children had enjoyed it . Harry Potter was the number one banned book between 2000 - 2009 according to the information Pete had . After they pulled the books off shelves , they piled them in the street and burned them . People were afraid to gather in Pete 's bookstore now . His business had dropped by half . He owned his store fair and square . There was no mortgage on it . That was the only way he was staying in business at all . Many bookstores were going out of business . The people who were in favor of the actions of the federal government with regard to banning books didn 't see the problem . Some thought it was a good thing that these books that talked about issues that made them uneasy and afraid were being burned in the streets . The others , the ones who thought the federal government was overstepping , brought up the First Amendment and freedom of speech . They said that banning books and burning them in the streets was a violation of the First Amendment . Banning books and burning them in the street was the ultimate in censorship . Just recently , Pete had learned through his distributors of books , that the federal government had ordered that production be stopped of the books on the banned book list by the book publishers . These publishers were high - profile . Pete had also learned through his contacts that smaller publishers had started producing these banned books under the radar . They were booklegging . Producing banned books illicitly . Otherwise , these wonderful books would be lost forever . Books like " Of Mice and Men " by John Steinbeck ; " The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn " by Mark Twain ; " To Kill a Mockingbird " by Harper Lee ; " Brave New World " by Aldous Huxley ; and many , many more . If these small publishers were discovered , there would be terrible consequences compliments of the federal government . Pete 's bookstore had a supply of many of the banned books camouflaged in his basement . He was essentially running a library out of his basement and loaned them to people who wanted to read them . Pete , himself , would suffer consequences if he was discovered . Even though many people now avoided his bookstore , there was a core group of readers that still came in , had coffee and tea , and browsed . They were defiant of the federal government . Pete was so glad to see them . These people recognized censorship for what it was . Pete had been able to obtain and keep some history books that detailed what had happened in the Fascist regime in Germany . If the soldiers found these books , they would take them and burn them , but Pete tried to keep them available for all his patrons to read . In 1933 , Hitler 's regime burned 25 , 000 books supposedly to remove the Jewish influence from Nazi Germany . Books from scholars such as Freud and Einstein were among these books and some were irreplaceable . Censorship through book burning was a hallmark of the German Fascist regime . Pete wanted history books available for his patrons so they could read about this movement . He was afraid he would be found out . In Germany , booklegging became popular but was shut down . Pete spent his days as proprietor of his bookstore trying to keep a low profile while encouraging the people of the village to frequent his bookstore . It was a fine line to walk . The squads of soldiers appeared at his door on a regular basis but they found fewer and fewer books to burn . All his banned books were camouflaged and hidden . Pete is noticing that more people in the village , people who are surprising to him , are coming in to have coffee and talk with him . They carefully ask to see his history books and occasionally , the banned books . This gives Pete hope , for his business and for his country . Pete 's little bookstore in the village remains . The story has no ending yet . Pete and at least some of the people in the village have hope that the First Amendment of their Constitution will be respected in the future and censorship and the issue of banned books will become a thing of the past . My name is Gretta . I don 't like to sleep . I dread going to sleep every night . You see , I have this dream . The same dream every night with minor variations . I remember my dream because it happens right before I wake up in the mornings . Each morning . Every morning . The dream isn 't bad . I should say it wasn 't bad in the past , but it was a little disconcerting . Now , it 's bad . I still have the same dream even though , now , there is no reason I should have it . It makes me feel like I 've been hypnotized . Yes , I know this sounds confusing . I guess I should try to explain except I 'm not sure I can . I think I probably was hypnotized , although that isn 't the right word . Brainwashed . That 's the right word . So I have this dream and it seems real . Sometimes for as much as ten or fifteen minutes after I wake up . I have dreams , just like everyone else , that I never remember afterwards . This dream is different . I 'm trying to delay telling you about the dream . I don 't like to talk about it . I 've never told anyone about it except the other person who is in the dream , but he 's gone now . I think if I talk about it , maybe it will go away . Here goes . Some background . There was a man in my life for awhile . That ended and it ended badly . Very badly for me compliments of him . But that 's another story . That man is in my dream . I had this dream while we were seeing each other and it has continued since . Probably because I was brainwashed . It 's a simple dream . I dream that this man is lying beside me . We 're holding hands . His hand feels so real to me that I 'm convinced he 's really there . It 's like living in an alternate reality . Then , I wake up . I still feel his hand grasping mine . I continue to lie there , sometimes for ten or fifteen minutes , actually wondering why I feel his hand in mine . I know it isn 't real , but why does it feel so real even when I am wide awake . I get out of bed . For a time afterward , it haunts me . Not so much the dream , but the feeling . Why do I keep having the dream and more importantly , why do I keep having the feeling of his hand grasping mine ? Any feelings associated with the dream have long since gone . They are dead , buried by the ashes of my relationship with the man in the dream . I don 't even like the feeling of his hand grasping mine any more . He showed himself to be a mentally ill psychopath . Even at that , it took some time for me to get over my own feelings for this man . Once I found out what he had done , it was a relatively quick process . Within a few months , I was over the relationship or as over a relationship as you can ever get when someone sets out to systematically gain your love and trust and then , on purpose , figures out and acts on a plan to crush you . Why did he do this rather than just tell me the relationship wasn 't working for him ? You 'd have to ask him . I suspose because he is , indeed , a psychopath . I 'm left with this dream that wants to pass for reality . Every day , I tell myself it is not reality and will never be reality again because I will never allow that to happen . The dream does not go away . Can a situation , a relationship , damage your subconscious to the point where you can 't shake it from your subconscious ? I guess I need help with this . You don 't get over brainwashing easily . I would do just about anything if I could wake up just one morning without having had this damn dream . I would love to like to sleep again . Peacefully . Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this : |
We specialize in all things frightening . From true stories to fiction , horror movies to creepy art , we 're your one - stop spot when you want to be infested by the creepy - crawlies . Now , turn off the lights . Lock your doors . Try your best to make it through the night . Scary Movies Hey , loyal Alone at Nighters . Hope you 're all staying safe and loving life . We 're a little low on stories at the moment , so we thought we 'd change things up a little bit and ask you to share your favorite scary movies . Here is a small list of ours . So on fridays evenings everyone is out of the house and it 's left to just me and my mum where we sort of make a tradition of watching movies together . So we had spent the evening catching up on The Walking Dead and its about 10pm when the phone starts ringing . My mum goes to answer it and I listen in and shes 's asking who it is , what they want things like that . She hangs up the phone and I can see shes a bit freaked and she goes straight to the window in our living room , looking outside , it 's dark but thes a street light right outside out house . She then tells me that whoever was on the phone said that they were outside our house , watching us and that they wanted to come in . I 'm fairly nervous at this point and I join her looking out the window and of course theres no one there . I go around locking all the doors , shutting the blinds and everything just in case but for the rest of the night nothing happened . So yeah , it was kind of freaky , just what they said to my mum and that we were alone watching something horror related but I know it was a prank after because what my mum didnt tell me at the time was that she could hear people laughing and giggling in the background . So , yeah , good job pranksters . You got us . When I was about 17 years old we lived in a basement flat in a tenement building . There was also a lower basement flat below us that my mum 's friend lived in . She lived there with her husband and 3 sons . Her eldest son was about 20 at the time , and for years he 'd suffered from paranoid schizophrenia . He was always getting into fights at bars , and he 'd actually nearly killed a man when he 'd stabbed him with a bottle . He didn 't do time for it as he wasn 't caught but his mum had told my mum of the crime and my mum had just stayed silent about it because it was her friend 's son and she didn 't want to get involved ( wouldn 't be my choice but I understood my mum wanting to stay out of it ) . Anyway , eldest son also had a crush on me . He had done for years at this point and it really freaked me out . So this one night I 'm lying in my bed . My bedroom had glass patio doors which led into the back garden we shared with his family . I 'm just lying there trying to sleep and the movement sensor light turns on , indicating there is someone / thing near the back door . I figured maybe it was just a cat or something . The next thing , there 's some gentle tapping on the glass and the eldest son starts saying my name over and over and asking me to let him in , whilst pulling the handle down and shaking the door to try to open it several times . I was absolutely frozen to the spot . Then he starts counting down from 10 and I 'm panicking at what will happen when he gets to 0 . I can see his outline standing there behind the drapes as I 'm lying there terrified in my bed , unable to to move . Thankfully , after counting down he just said he was leaving and he 'd be off now . I heard him leave , still counting as he went . Myself and two friends , N & G lets call them , were 14 and N 's sister R was with us who was 11 at the time . We 'd been shopping in town and were going back to N & R house for the afternoon ; to get to their house you had to walk out of town down to the train station , cross the station / tracks and essentially walk through the " bad part of town " . The place they had moved to not long ago was known as a rough area and they moved closer to me just 3 years later . So this Saturday we had just crossed past the train station and we 're entering the rough area , we talking and laughing , just generally having a good time when suddenly R walks closer to us and says some guy is following us . We turn to look and a good few feet away is this rough looking guy , maybe in his 40 's , walking behind us with this dirty coat on and a baseball cap and his head low . Straight away he gave me a creepy feeling buy I didn 't want to scare R so I said it was probably nothing but a few minuets later he was till following us and R was starting to get a bit scared now . I noticed the street we were walking down had this small car park coming up to our left side which was for a little pub we 'd be passing just before it . So I leaned towards R & my friends and said that when we came to the car park to just suddenly cut into and across the car park to see if he followed or not . They agreed and when we approached we quickly cut to the left and started walking across the car park ; I look behind me and there the guy is following us . Everyone else noticed and R started getting upset , we saw a alley coming up and we looked at each other and I nodded , we looked behind us and noticed he seemed to be quicken his pace so I yelled RUN and we took off towards and down the alley way . We were running as fast as our legs could carry us and we could hear him behind us although we had a bit of a head start on him , it was a very windy alley and as we 'd come to the end of one part he would be at the start of it . R started to get a stich and she stopped running an was crying , Posted by For numerous reasons we at Alone at Night have not been able to dedicate nearly as much time to the site as we used to be able to . THis means that we aren 't able to find as many true scary stories across the web , and we rely even more on YOUR submissions ! So , if you enjoy the page , please share your scary and true stories ! It 's you that make this site happen . Thanks for visiting , keep coming back , and share a story ! { This story was a submission by Kent . Thanks , Kent . Don 't forget , folks , that it 's your submissions that make this site run ! We haven 't had nearly as much time to find stories , so it 's all the more important that you submit your scary stories ! } We had gone there for a few days and we were coming home on the 31st of October - Halloween . I know pretty scary already . Well anyway on the last night I woke up in the hotel room to a buzzing sound . Almost like a mosquito . I opened my eyes and couldn 't see anything . So I closed my eyes and tried to forget it . And when I did it started again . I opened my eyes and this huge moth like bug flew towards my head from the top of the hotel room window . I immediately ducked under the covers to avoid it hitting me . I then looked around expecting it to be on the wall behind me but there was nothing . In the morning I checked all the windows and cupboards trying to find this weird bug but found nothing . Freakiest thing of all is when I told my girlfriend she told me that on that same night she heard noises coming from the bathroom and something knocking over next to her . Thinking it was me she just ignored it . Then in the morning she told me a wine glass that was sitting on her bedside table was lying a few feet away on the floor . I didn 't go to the bathroom or even leave the bed that night since my bug episode . So we just tried to forget about and left that morning . What a way to start Halloween . It 's the first of June and that means it is officially camping season . There is something primordial about sleeping outdoors . It 's like we 're trying to touch our ancestral roots . For us at Alone at Night , nothing makes us feel more alive than sleeping under the stars . But a nice night by the fire can turn terrifying when the fire dies out . Join us for this series of true stories involving wild animals and even more wild people . I was horse packing in the Sierra 's one summer back in the late 70 's . It was one of those brutally hot California days where you just put your head down and try to soldier on . Should really have stopped but was trying to do another 10 miles to Lake Almanor . I was leading my horse up a trail when he started acting up ; stopping , pulling , and rearing . I was hot , thirsty , pissed and in no mood for silly games . As I was trying to calm him down , he suddenly charged past me , knocking me flat and heading up the trail . I was recovering , when I heard a thump near me , looked over , and saw a mountain lion crouched and ready to take the next leap right on me . He was about 10 ' away . Time froze , my mind went blank , and all I could think of was the rifle in the scabbard on my horse 's saddle . . . that was rapidly disappearing up the trail . I started to get my legs under me , and he snarled , and started to gather himself for a leap . Without thinking about it , I grabbed a rock and nailed him right between the eyes . He snarled again , and I nailed him with another one . And another . As fast and as hard as I could throw them while on my ass . I hit him on the nose with a 4th rock and he took off up the trail , veering left up the mountain . I threw a couple more as he scrambled up the hill and then he was out of sight . . . I could hear him moving off so I picked myself up and started moving up the trail after my horse . About 30 minutes later , I found the horse tangled up in some brush . I got him free and then suddenly started shaking uncontrollably . I couldn 't stop for at least another half - hour . I 've been in the mountains many , many times , and that 's the only time I 've ever really been in serious danger . I 've seen bears , mountain lions , had a lynx prowling my camp , been in a major thunderstorm with lightning strikes all around me and no place to hide , winter camped in a surprise storm , etc . But that encounter with a mountain lion was the one that was really dangerous . Turned out ok , as you say , but only because of luck . I was on a trek at Philmont Scout Camp in NM . On day 9 , I went back to our camp in the middle of the day to get my water bottle I had forgotten . I walked up to our cook fly and picked up my bottle . When I stood up , I saw the bear . Only 6 feet away , standing up , just looking at me . She was about 5 feet tall . I backed away slowly ( after looking around really quick for other bears ) . I started banging pots and pans , throwing rocks , etc . She didn 't care . In all , she ripped the sump pipe out of the ground , pulled a pack off of a tree and removed a packet of oatmeal ( without damaging the pack ! ) . She pushed on 5 tents , including mine , on which she broke a fiberglass pole , and put gashes in the door , window , and rainfly . She then went to our bear ropes , which were hanging all the smellables , and she started pulling on the ropes . She knew what she was doing and wasn 't scared of people . After that , she moved on from our camp , and I imagine to other campsites in the area . That evening , two rangers came past our camp and told us they had put her down . Turns out she did the same thing the summer prior . The rangers trapped her and sent her 600 miles away to southern CO . Over the winter , she came back . Once a bear does that , they have to kill the bear . I was bummed my tent was ruined , but I was more bummed in the end . I was in her house , not the other way around . Bad campers make bad bears , but at a scout camp , they can 't have a bear that isn 't afraid of people . She was in the area with another bear - a male . The rangers were hoping that the male would move on after the female was killed . As far as I know , they didn 't have to kill the male bear . I hope they didn 't . . . . . I was going backpacking in Los Padres National Forest in California and I show up to the fire station where I 'm parking my car . I ask a ranger if I can park there and the first words out of his mouth are " Ya 'll lookin ' for plantations ? " Of course we weren 't , and were kind of like ' wtf is he asking us , ' so he said " never mind . " And we set off . We did 15 miles basically into desert brushland that day and realized we were about 4 miles off the main trail ( poor markings ) that evening . We were too tired to turn around and had to camp right there , off the main trail , in possible drug territory . We went to sleep and at some point in the night my buddy and I woke up and kept hearing footsteps around our tent . We were scared shitless . I swear to God it sounded just like footsteps walking around us at about 10 paces . One time it sounded like they walked straight up and stopped on our front flap . I bolted up and said " Hello ? What do you want ? " Nobody ever said or did anything outside , and we as hell weren 't going to instigate anything , so we eventually fell asleep and got back on trail in the morning . Later , we get off the trail ( they were not maintained at all ) and end up walking down the middle of a river for 4 days . The first sign of humanity we see is a short road going up to a fucking airstrip in the middle of the mountains . One end ran into a mountain , the other had a dangerously close ridge . We had no choice but to walk up and try to find where the hell we were . As we were on the other side of camp , which looked like a small cluster of military barrack - type cabins , one flying an American flag and one with a military insignia , we had to walk straight down the runway to get there . That was the second time I was scared shitless in 4 days . We found some guy doing some carpentry who didn 't seem to live there , but was visibly distressed with our appearance until we explained ourselves and he told us how to find the road . When we find the gate , it is covered in signs that said stuff like " City justice is kinda iffy , MountaiAloneinthenight My girlfriend and I were backpacking various nature preserves in Florida a couple of years ago . We arrived at one particular park , with a huge tropical storm chasing us ( if you have ever camped in Florida , you know how intense those storms can get ) . Take note that we were the only car in the lot . We were with Boston Terrier , bookin it about 3 miles to the first good camp spot , trying to beat the storm . The first mile or so from the parking lot , all you can do is wade through a very sandy road until you get to a better trail . When were were about halfway through this part , an old 90 's model Chevy diesel pickup rolled by us . They had a very , very generic magnet on the door that said something like " Game Control . " No actual government markings , these were definitely just random guys . They kept asking where we were headed , how long we were going to stay , if we were alone , things like that . We were as vague as possible , even lying about a few details . Eventually we shook them off and hiked on ( we had no choice by this point ) . We got to the first camp , and decided to set up our tent around the bend a ways , not where the designated spot was . It was nearly dark , and we were racing to get the tent setup before the storm hit . Her dog started freaking out and ran off . This is a very trained and obedient dog , so this was strange . This dog NEVER runs off . My girlfriend started chasing after the dog into the darkness with no light , so I chase after her to keep everyone together . Eventually we find the dog , get back to camp , and get in the tent about 30 seconds before an intense storm started . Around 2am , we heard a diesel truck pull up very near our camp . I 'm a big time car guy - I can tell you it was definitely that same Chevy diesel . I was clutching my 6 " buck knife , ready to slash through the tent and initiate all murder / rape prevention sequences . About 10 minutes later , the truck took off . I assume they couldn 't find our tent . I don 't know for sure that they were looking for us , but I am fairly certain . We were the only hikers in that park , and they could definitely assume we were at the first camp , because of the previous pending storm we were clearly trying to beat . Also , my girlfriend is a looker . I pretend like I didn 't see the dirty looks in their eyes when we first encountered them , but I know I did . Had we set up camp at the designated spot , it might have gotten ugly . Still gives me goosebumps thinking about that night . I still can 't believe the way this happened . I 've watched horror films my entire life and even while it was happening I couldn 't believe how similar it was . It was 1992 , I was 15 ( I 'm female ) . The house we lived in was a house built in the 30 's with a detached garage in the back yard where the washer and dryer were . It was CA so the entire back yard was fenced in with a privacy fence , but the back fence / gate ( approx 6 feet high ) lead to the alley that ran behind all the houses on our street . It was early evening - not completely dark out but the sun was starting to set . We had a family room right inside the back french doors where my father was sleeping on the couch . I tried NEVER to do laundry at night because walking out the the garage always creeped me out , so I was walking out to the garage to take some of my clothes out of the dryer before it became dark . When you went into the garage , there was a window right over the washer / dryer facing the portion of our yard where there was a woodshed and the gate that lead out to the alley . I went in and bent down to take my clothes out of the dryer . When I stood up , a man was standing on the outside of the window looking in at me . He was standing inside our yard and the gate behind him was shut . Because I hadn 't heard it shut ( it was loud when you shut it ) while I was out there , he had already been in the yard and had to have been looking straight at me , practically right in front of me while I was walking to the garage . I was clearly just so oblivious I hadn 't noticed . He started to say something to me and all I thought was " I have to get OUT of this garage before he comes around to the door and traps me in here . " So I ran out of the garage back into the back yard where he was . It was my only option . He began to walk toward me and the only thing that kept me from going in the house was being afraid he 'd get in behind me before I could slam and lock the back door behind me and that he 'd trap me in THERE ( forgetting my 6 ' 3 " father was sleeping on the sofa , but he workedPosted by Inside the gas station , there was a line at the cashier , so I go grab a bag of chips and a Mt . Dew . I head up to the counter , which now has no line , and pay for my gas and snack . As I 'm paying , I glance outside and see the guy from the car that had pulled in behind me is standing outside my car . I walk outside and head toward my car and the man standing there is giving me the glare of death . I get 10 feet from my car and he starts yelling , " Didn 't you see there was someone waiting to use the pump ? ! " At first I 'm too shocked to react . So , he yells , " What are you a fucking retard . " That snaps me out of it . I 'm an adult , and I behave like an adult , so I held my temper in check and responded calmly , " All I did was go inside to pay for the gas . You have no reason to be upset . " Wrong move on my part . The man goes crazy . He 's screaming about me taking hours to buy snacks , while he 's going to be late for work . He breaks down into stuttering swears and spits hateful words at me . By this point I 'm starting to get worried and angry . I 'm a big man and I 'm fairly tough , but you never know when crazy people are carrying guns , and I was completely unarmed . I 'm ready to get in my car , but he 's blocking my car door . I don 't know what to do . Luckily , I guess another gas station customer said something to the employee at the counter , because he opens the door and yells out , " Do I need to call the cops ? ! " The irate guy turns his attention on the employee for a second and takes a couple steps forward to yell at him , and I make my move . I slip behind the guy , get in my car , and get the hell out of there . About a year later Wichita is in the news . Police think they 've found the infamous BTK killer . I 'm at home with my wife watching the news when I first see a photo of Dennis Rader , the man suspected and later convicted of being BTK . To my shock and horror , it 's the same man I argued with at the gas station a year ago . I told my wife , and she asked if I was sure , and I was . It 's not every day a crazy person yells at me for no reason . I remembered that day and his face very well , and I think I will until the day I die . It was the day I ran into a serial killer and lived . { Ladies and Gentlemen , we offer you a rare treat today . We 're providing you in its entirety , Joyce Carol Oates " Where Are You Going , Where Have You Been ? " It is a terrificly written tale of suspense and intensity . Do yourself a favor and read it when you 're alone , during the day , with the front door open and the radio on softly in the background . As always , stay safe . - Alone at Night Staff } Her name was Connie . She was fifteen and she had a quick , nervous giggling habit of craning her neck to glance into mirrors or checking other people 's faces to make sure her own was all right . Her mother , who noticed everything and knew everything and who hadn 't much reason any longer to look at her own face , always scolded Connie about it . " Stop gawking at yourself . Who are you ? You think you 're so pretty ? " she would say . Connie would raise her eyebrows at these familiar old complaints and look right through her mother , into a shadowy vision of herself as she was right at that moment : she knew she was pretty and that was everything . Her mother had been pretty once too , if you could believe those old snapshots in the album , but now her looks were gone and that was why she was always after Connie . " Why don 't you keep your room clean like your sister ? How 've you got your hair fixed - what the hell stinks ? Hair spray ? You don 't see your sister using that junk . " Her sister June was twenty - four and still lived at home . She was a secretary in the high school Connie attended , and if that wasn 't bad enough - with her in the same building - she was so plain and chunky and steady that Connie had to hear her praised all the time by her mother and her mother 's sisters . June did this , June did that , she saved money and helped clean the house and cookedand Connie couldn 't do a thing , her mind was all filled with trashy daydreams . Their father was away at work most of the time and when he came home he wanted supper and he read the newspaper at supper and after supper he went to bed . He didn 't bother talking much to them , but around his bent head Connie 's mother kept picking at her until Connie wished her mother was dead and she herself was dead and it was all over . " She makes me want to throw up sometimes , " she complained to her friends . She had a high , breathless , amused voice that made everything she said sound a little forced , whether it was sincere or not . They must have been familiar sights , walking around the shopping plaza in their shorts and flat ballerina slippers that always scuffed the sidewalk , with charm bracelets jingling on their thin wrists ; they would lean together to whisper and laugh secretly if someone passed who amused or interested them . Connie had long dark blond hair that drew anyone 's eye to it , and she wore part of it pulled up on her head and puffed out and the rest of it she let fall down her back . She wore a pull - over jersey blouse that looked one way when she was at home and another way when she was away from home . Everything about her had two sides to it , one for home and one for anywhere that was not home : her walk , which could be childlike and bobbing , or languid enough to make anyone think she was hearing music in her head ; her mouth , which was pale and smirking most of the time , but bright and pink on these evenings out ; her laugh , which was cynical and drawling at home - " Ha , ha , very funny , " - but highpitched and nervous anywhere else , like the jingling of the charms on her bracelet . Sometimes they did go shopping or to a movie , but sometimes they went across the highway , ducking fast across the busy road , to a drive - in restaurant where older kids hung out . The restaurant was shaped like a big bottle , though squatter than a real bottle , and on its cap was a revolving figure of a grinning boy holding a hamburger aloft . One night in midsummer they ran across , breathless with daring , and right away someone leaned out a car window and invited them over , but it was just a boy from high school they didn 't like . It made them feel good to be able to ignore him . They went up through the maze of parked and cruising cars to the bright - lit , fly - infested restaurant , their faces pleased and expectant as if they were entering a sacred building that loomed up out of the night to give them what haven and blessing they yearned for . They sat at the counter and crossed their legs at the ankles , their thin shoulders rigid with excitement , and listened to the music that made everything so good : the music was always in the background , like music at a church service ; it was something to depend upon . A boy named Eddie came in to talk with them . He sat backwards on his stool , turning himself jerkily around in semicircles and then stopping and turning back again , and after a while he asked Connie if she would like something to eat . She said she would and so she tapped her friend 's arm on her way out - her friend pulled her face up into a brave , droll look - and Connie said she would meet her at eleven , across the way . " I just hate to leave her like that , " Connie said earnestly , but the boy said that she wouldn 't be alone for long . So they went out to his car , and on the way Connie couldn 't help but let her eyes wander over the windshields and faces all around her , her face gleaming with a joy that had nothing to do with Eddie or even this place ; it might have been the music . She drew her shoulders up and sucked in her breath with the pure pleasure of being alive , and just at that moment she happened to glance at a face just a few feet from hers . It was a boy with shaggy black hair , in a convertible jalopy painted gold . He stared at her and then his lips widened into a grin . Connie slit her eyes at him and turned away , but she couldn 't help glancing back and there he was , still watching her . He wagged a finger and laughed and said , " Gonna get you , baby , " and Connie turned away again without Eddie noticing anything . She spent three hours with him , at the restaurant where they ate hamburgers and drank Cokes in wax cups that were always sweating , and then down an alley a mile or so away , and when he left her off at five to eleven only the movie house was still open at the plaza . Her girl friend was there , talking with a boy . When Connie came up , the two girls smiled at each other and Connie said , " How was the movie ? " and the girl said , ' You should know . " They rode off with the girl 's father , sleepy and pleased , and Connie couldn 't help but look back at the darkened shopping plaza with its big empty parking lot and its signs that were faded and ghostly now , and over at the drive - in restaurant where cars were still circling tirelessly . She couldn 't hear the music at this distance . Next morning June asked her how the movie was and Connie said , " So - so . " She and that girl and occasionally another girl went out several times a week , and the rest of the time Connie spent around the house - it was summer vacation - getting in her mother s way and thinking , dreaming about the boys she met . But all the boys fell back and dissolved into a single face that was not even a face but an idea , a feeling , mixed up with the urgent insistent pounding of the music and the humid night air of July . Connie 's mother kept dragging her back to the daylight by finding things for her to do or saying suddenly , ' What 's this about the Pettinger girl ? " And Connie would say nervously , " Oh , her . That dope . " She always drew thick clear lines between herself and such girls , and her mother was simple and kind enough to believe it . Her mother was so simple , Connie thought , that it was maybe cruel to fool her so much . Her mother went scuffling around the house in old bedroom slippers and complained over the telephone to one sister about the other , then the other called up and the two of them complained about the third one . If June 's name was mentioned her mother 's tone was approving , and if Connie 's name was mentioned it was disapproving . This did not really mean she disliked Connie , and actually Connie thought that her mother preferred her to June just because she was prettier , but the two of them kept up a pretense of exasperation , a sense that they were tugging and struggling over something of little value to either of them . Sometimes , over coffee , they were almost friends , but something would come up - some vexation that was like a fly buzzing suddenly around their heads - and their faces went hard with contempt . One Sunday Connie got up at eleven - none of them bothered with church - and washed her hair so that it could dry all day long in the sun . Her parents and sister were going to a barbecue at an aunt 's house and Connie said no , she wasn 't interested , rolling her eyes to let her mother know just what she thought of it . " Stay home alone then , " her mother said sharply . Connie sat out back in a lawn chair and watched them drive away , her father quiet and bald , hunched around so that he could back the car out , her mother with a look that was still angry and not at all softened through the windshield , and in the back seat poor old June , all dressed up as if she didn 't know what a barbecue was , with all the running yelling kids and the flies . Connie sat with her eyes closed in the sun , dreaming and dazed with the warmth about her as if this were a kind of love , the caresses of love , and her mind slipped over onto thoughts of the boy she had been with the night before and how nice he had been , how sweet it always was , not the way someone like June would suppose but sweet , gentle , the way it was in movies and promised in songs ; and when she opened her eyes she hardly knew where she was , the back yard ran off into weeds and a fence - like line of trees and behind it the sky was perfectly blue and still . The asbestos ranch house that was now three years old startled her - it looked small . She shook her head as if to get awake . It was too hot . She went inside the house and turned on the radio to drown out the quiet . She sat on the edge of her bed , barefoot , and listened for an hour and a half to a program called XYZ Sunday Jamboree , record after record of hard , fast , shrieking songs she sang along with , interspersed by exclamations from " Bobby King " : " An ' look here , you girls at Napoleon 's - Son and Charley want you to pay real close attention to this song coming up ! " After a while she heard a car coming up the drive . She sat up at once , startled , because it couldn 't be her father so soon . The gravel kept crunching all the way in from the road - the driveway was long - and Connie ran to the window . It was a car she didn 't know . It was an open jalopy , painted a bright gold that caught the sunlight opaquely . Her heart began to pound and her fingers snatched at her hair , checking it , and she whispered , " Christ . Christ , " wondering how bad she looked . The car came to a stop at the side door and the horn sounded four short taps , as if this were a signal Connie knew . She spoke sullenly , careful to show no interest or pleasure , and he spoke in a fast , bright monotone . Connie looked past him to the other boy , taking her time . He had fair brown hair , with a lock that fell onto his forehead . His sideburns gave him a fierce , embarrassed look , but so far he hadn 't even bothered to glance at her . Both boys wore sunglasses . The driver 's glasses were metallic and mirrored everything in miniature . " Hey , Ellie 's got a radio , see . Mine broke down . " He lifted his friend 's arm and showed her the little transistor radio the boy was holding , and now Connie began to hear the music . It was the same program that was playing inside the house . Connie blushed a little , because the glasses made it impossible for her to see just what this boy was looking at . She couldn 't decide if she liked him or if he was just a jerk , and so she dawdled in the doorway and wouldn 't come down or go back inside . She said , " What 's all that stuff painted on your car ? " " Can ' tcha read it ? " He opened the door very carefully , as if he were afraid it might fall off . He slid out just as carefully , planting his feet firmly on the ground , the tiny metallic world in his glasses slowing down like gelatine hardening , and in the midst of it Connie 's bright green blouse . " This here is my name , to begin with , he said . ARNOLD FRIEND was written in tarlike black letters on the side , with a drawing of a round , grinning face that reminded Connie of a pumpkin , except it wore sunglasses . " I wanta introduce myself , I 'm Arnold Friend and that 's my real name and I 'm gonna be your friend , honey , and inside the car 's Ellie Oscar , he 's kinda shy . " Ellie brought his transistor radio up to his shoulder and balanced it there . " Now , these numbers are a secret code , honey , " Arnold Friend explained . He read off the numbers 33 , 19 , 17 and raised his eyebrows at her to see what she thought of that , but she didn 't think much of it . The left rear fender had been smashed and around it was written , on the gleaming gold background : DONE BY CRAZY WOMAN DRIVER . Connie had to laugh at that . Arnold Friend was pleased at her laughter and looked up at her . " Around the other side 's a lot more - you wanta come and see them ? " He laughed as if she had said something funny . He slapped his thighs . He was standing in a strange way , leaning back against the car as if he were balancing himself . He wasn 't tall , only an inch or so taller than she would be if she came down to him . Connie liked the way he was dressed , which was the way all of them dressed : tight faded jeans stuffed into black , scuffed boots , a belt that pulled his waist in and showed how lean he was , and a white pull - over shirt that was a little soiled and showed the hard small muscles of his arms and shoulders . He looked as if he probably did hard work , lifting and carrying things . Even his neck looked muscular . And his face was a familiar face , somehow : the jaw and chin and cheeks slightly darkened because he hadn 't shaved for a day or two , and the nose long and hawklike , sniffing as if she were a treat he was going to gobble up and it was all a joke . " Connie , you ain 't telling the truth . This is your day set aside for a ride with me and you know it , " he said , still laughing . The way he straightened and recovered from his fit of laughing showed that it had been all fake . " I know my Connie , " he said , wagging his finger . Now she remembered him even better , back at the restaurant , and her cheeks warmed at the thought of how she had sucked in her breath just at the moment she passed him - how she must have looked to him . And he had remembered her . " Ellie and I come out here especially for you , " he said . " Ellie can sit in back . How about it ? " He looked at her . He took off the sunglasses and she saw how pale the skin around his eyes was , like holes that were not in shadow but instead in light . His eyes were like chips of broken glass that catch the light in an amiable way . He smiled . It was as if the idea of going for a ride somewhere , to someplace , was a new idea to him . " Just for a ride , Connie sweetheart . " " But I know what it is . I know your name and all about you , lots of things , " Arnold Friend said . He had not moved yet but stood still leaning back against the side of his jalopy . " I took a special interest in you , such a pretty girl , and found out all about you - like I know your parents and sister are gone somewheres and I know where and how long they 're going to be gone , and I know who you were with last night , and your best girl friend 's name is Betty . Right ? " He spoke in a simple lilting voice , exactly as if he were reciting the words to a song . His smile assured her that everything was fine . In the car Ellie turned up the volume on his radio and did not bother to look around at them . " Sure you saw me before , " he said . He looked down at his boots , as if he were a little offended . " You just don 't remember . " " Yeah ? " He looked up at this , beaming . He was pleased . He began to mark time with the music from Ellie 's radio , tapping his fists lightly together . Connie looked away from his smile to the car , which was painted so bright it almost hurt her eyes to look at it . She looked at that name , ARNOLD FRIEND . And up at the front fender was an expression that was familiar - MAN THE FLYING SAUCERS . It was an expression kids had used the year before but didn 't use this year . She looked at it for a while as if the words meant something to her that she did not yet know . " You 're a hard girl to handle . How come ? " he said . " Don 't you know I 'm your friend ? Didn 't you see me put my sign in the air when you walked by ? " " My sign . " And he drew an X in the air , leaning out toward her . They were maybe ten feet apart . After his hand fell back to his side the X was still in the air , almost visible . Connie let the screen door close and stood perfectly still inside it , listening to the music from her radio and the boy 's blend together . She stared at Arnold Friend . He stood there so stiffly relaxed , pretending to be relaxed , with one hand idly on the door handle as if he were keeping himself up that way and had no intention of ever moving again . She recognized most things about him , the tight jeans that showed his thighs and buttocks and the greasy leather boots and the tight shirt , and even that slippery friendly smile of his , that sleepy dreamy smile that all the boys used to get across ideas they didn 't want to put into words . She recognized all this and also the singsong way he talked , slightly mocking , kidding , but serious and a little melancholy , and she recognized the way he tapped one fist against the other in homage to the perpetual music behind him . But all these things did not come together . His smiled faded . She could see then that he wasn 't a kid , he was much older - thirty , maybe more . At this knowledge her heart began to pound faster . He grinned to reassure her and lines appeared at the corners of his mouth . His teeth were big and white . He grinned so broadly his eyes became slits and she saw how thick the lashes were , thick and black as if painted with a black tarlike material . Then , abruptly , he seemed to become embarrassed and looked over his shoulder at Ellie . " Him , he 's crazy , " he said . " Ain 't he a riot ? He 's a nut , a real character . " Ellie was still listening to the music . His sunglasses told nothing about what he was thinking . He wore a bright orange shirt unbuttoned halfway to show his chest , which was a pale , bluish chest and not muscular like Arnold Friend 's . His shirt collar was turned up all around and the very tips of the collar pointed out past his chin as if they were protecting him . He was pressing the transistor radio up against his ear and sat there in a kind of daze , right in the sun . " Hey , she says you 're kinda strange ! Kinda strange ! " Arnold Friend cried . He pounded on the car to get Ellie 's attention . Ellie turned for the first time and Connie saw with shock that he wasn 't a kid either - he had a fair , hairless face , cheeks reddened slightly as if the veins grew too close to the surface of his skin , the face of a forty - year - old baby . Connie felt a wave of dizziness rise in her at this sight and she stared at him as if waiting for something to change the shock of the moment , make it all right again . Ellie 's lips kept shaping words , mumbling along with the words blasting in his ear . " What ? How come ? " Arnold Friend cried . " We come out here to take you for a ride . It 's Sunday . " He had the voice of the man on the radio now . It was the same voice , Connie thought . " Don ' tcha know it 's Sunday all day ? And honey , no matter who you were with last night , today you 're with Arnold Friend and don 't you forget it ! Maybe you better step out here , " he said , and this last was in a different voice . It was a little flatter , as if the heat was finally getting to him . " Connie , don 't fool around with me . I mean - I mean , don 't fool around , " he said , shaking his head . He laughed incredulously . He placed his sunglasses on top of his head , carefully , as if he were indeed wearing a wig , and brought the stems down behind his ears . Connie stared at him , another wave of dizziness and fear rising in her so that for a moment he wasn 't even in focus but was just a blur standing there against his gold car , and she had the idea that he had driven up the driveway all right but had come from nowhere before that and belonged nowhere and that everything about him and even about the music that was so familiar to her was only half real . " Aunt Tillie 's . Right now they 're uh - they 're drinking . Sitting around , " he said vaguely , squinting as if he were staring all the way to town and over to Aunt Tillie 's back yard . Then the vision seemed to get clear and he nodded energetically . " Yeah . Sitting around . There 's your sister in a blue dress , huh ? And high heels , the poor sad bitch - nothing like you , sweetheart ! And your mother 's helping some fat woman with the corn , they 're cleaning the corn - husking the corn - " " She 's too fat . I don 't like them fat . I like them the way you are , honey , " he said , smiling sleepily at her . They stared at each other for a while through the screen door . He said softly , " Now , what you 're going to do is this : you 're going to come out that door . You re going to sit up front with me and Ellie 's going to sit in the back , the hell with Ellie , right ? This isn 't Ellie 's date . You 're my date . I 'm your lover , honey . " " Yes , I 'm your lover . You don 't know what that is but you will , " he said . " I know that too . I know all about you . But look : it 's real nice and you couldn 't ask for nobody better than me , or more polite . I always keep my word . I 'll tell you how it is , I 'm always nice at first , the first time . I 'll hold you so tight you won 't think you have to try to get away or pretend anything because you 'll know you can 't . And I 'll come inside you where it 's all secret and you 'll give in to me and you 'll love me " " Shut up ! You 're crazy ! " Connie said . She backed away from the door . She put her hands up against her ears as if she 'd heard something terrible , something not meant for her . " People don 't talk like that , you 're crazy , " she muttered . Her heart was almost too big now for her chest and its pumping made sweat break out all over her . She looked out to see Arnold Friend pause and then take a step toward the porch , lurching . He almost fell . But , like a clever drunken man , he managed to catch his balance . He wobbled in his high boots and grabbed hold of one of the porch posts . He wobbled again and out of the side of his mouth came a fast spat curse , an aside not meant for her to hear . But even this " Christ ! " sounded forced . Then he began to smile again . She watched this smile come , awkward as if he were smiling from inside a mask . His whole face was a mask , she thought wildly , tanned down to his throat but then running out as if he had plastered make - up on his face but had forgotten about his throat . " Honey - ? Listen , here 's how it is . I always tell the truth and I promise you this : I ain 't coming in that house after you . " She was panting . The kitchen looked like a place she had never seen before , some room she had run inside but that wasn 't good enough , wasn 't going to help her . The kitchen window had never had a curtain , after three years , and there were dishes in the sink for her to do - probably - and if you ran your hand across the table you 'd probably feel something sticky there . She rushed forward and tried to lock the door . Her fingers were shaking . " But why lock it , " Arnold Friend said gently , talking right into her face . " It 's just a screen door . It 's just nothing . " One of his boots was at a strange angle , as if his foot wasn 't in it . It pointed out to the left , bent at the ankle . " I mean , anybody can break through a screen door and glass and wood and iron or anything else if he needs to , anybody at all , and specially Arnold Friend . If the place got lit up with a fire , honey , you 'd come runnin ' out into my arms , right into my arms an ' safe at home - like you knew I was your lover and 'd stopped fooling around . I don 't mind a nice shy girl but I don 't like no fooling around . " Part of those words were spoken with a slight rhythmic lilt , and Connie somehow recognized them - the echo of a song from last year , about a girl rushing into her boy friend 's arms and coming home again - " But my father 's coming back . He 's coming to get me . I had to wash my hair first - ' ' She spoke in a dry , rapid voice , hardly raising it for him to hear . " No , your daddy is not coming and yes , you had to wash your hair and you washed it for me . It 's nice and shining and all for me . I thank you sweetheart , " he said with a mock bow , but again he almost lost his balance . He had to bend and adjust his boots . Evidently his feet did not go all the way down ; the boots must have been stuffed with something so that he would seem taller . Connie stared out at him and behind him at Ellie in the car , who seemed to be looking off toward Connie 's right , into nothing . This Ellie said , pulling the words out of the air one after another as if he were just discovering them , " You want me to pull out the phone ? " " What - what are you doing ? What do you want ? " Connie said . " If I call the police they 'll get you , they 'll arrest you - " " Promise was not to come in unless you touch that phone , and I 'll keep that promise , " he said . He resumed his erect position and tried to force his shoulders back . He sounded like a hero in a movie , declaring something important . But he spoke too loudly and it was as if he were speaking to someone behind Connie . " I ain 't made plans for coming in that house where I don 't belong but just for you to come out to me , the way you should . Don 't you know who I am ? " " You 're crazy , " she whispered . She backed away from the door but did not want to go into another part of the house , as if this would give him permission to come through the door . " What do you . . . you 're crazy , you . . . . " " You want that telephone pulled out ? " Ellie said . He held the radio away from his ear and grimaced , as if without the radio the air was too much for him . " I toldja shut up , Ellie , " Arnold Friend said , " you 're deaf , get a hearing aid , right ? Fix yourself up . This little girl 's no trouble and 's gonna be nice to me , so Ellie keep to yourself , this ain 't your date right ? Don 't hem in on me , don 't hog , don 't crush , don 't bird dog , don 't trail me , " he said in a rapid , meaningless voice , as if he were running through all the expressions he 'd learned but was no longer sure which of them was in style , then rushing on to new ones , making them up with his eyes closed . " Don 't crawl under my fence , don 't squeeze in my chipmonk hole , don 't sniff my glue , suck my popsicle , keep your own greasy fingers on yourself ! " He shaded his eyes and peered in at Connie , who was backed against the kitchen table . " Don 't mind him , honey , he 's just a creep . He 's a dope . Right ? I 'm the boy for you , and like I said , you come out here nice like a lady and give me your hand , and nobody else gets hurt , I mean , your nice old bald - headed daddy and your mummy and your sister in her high heels . Because listen : why bring them in this ? " But don 't you like her , I mean , you got something against her ? Some grudge or something ? " Then his voice dipped as if he were conscious of a rudeness . He touched the sunglasses perched up on top of his head as if to make sure they were still there . " Now , you be a good girl . " " Just two things , or maybe three , " Arnold Friend said . " But I promise it won 't last long and you 'll like me the way you get to like people you 're close to . You will . It 's all over for you here , so come on out . You don 't want your people in any trouble , do you ? " She turned and bumped against a chair or something , hurting her leg , but she ran into the back room and picked up the telephone . Something roared in her ear , a tiny roaring , and she was so sick with fear that she could do nothing but listen to it - the telephone was clammy and very heavy and her fingers groped down to the dial but were too weak to touch it . She began to scream into the phone , into the roaring . She cried out , she cried for her mother , she felt her breath start jerking back and forth in her lungs as if it were something Arnold Friend was stabbing her with again and again with no tenderness . A noisy sorrowful wailing rose all about her and she was locked inside it the way she was locked inside this house . She was hollow with what had been fear but what was now just an emptiness . All that screaming had blasted it out of her . She sat , one leg cramped under her , and deep inside her brain was something like a pinpoint of light that kept going and would not let her relax . She thought , I 'm not going to see my mother again . She thought , I 'm not going to sleep in my bed again . Her bright green blouse was all wet . Arnold Friend said , in a gentle - loud voice that was like a stage voice , " The place where you came from ain 't there any more , and where you had in mind to go is cancelled out . This place you are now - inside your daddy 's house - is nothing but a cardboard box I can knock down any time . You know that and always did know it . You hear me ? " " We 'll go out to a nice field , out in the country here where it smells so nice and it 's sunny , " Arnold Friend said . " I 'll have my arms tight around you so you won 't need to try to get away and I 'll show you what love is like , what it does . The hell with this house ! It looks solid all right , " he said . He ran a fingernail down the screen and the noise did not make Connie shiver , as it would have the day before . " Now , put your hand on your heart , honey . Feel that ? That feels solid too but we know better . Be nice to me , be sweet like you can because what else is there for a girl like you but to be sweet and pretty and give in ? - and get away before her people come back ? " She felt her pounding heart . Her hand seemed to enclose it . She thought for the first time in her life that it was nothing that was hers , that belonged to her , but just a pounding , living thing inside this body that wasn 't really hers either . " Now , turn this way . That 's right . Come over here to me . - Ellie , put that away , didn 't I tell you ? You dope . You miserable creepy dope , " Arnold Friend said . His words were not angry but only part of an incantation . The incantation was kindly . " Now come out through the kitchen to me , honey , and let 's see a smile , try it , you re a brave , sweet little girl and now they 're eating corn and hot dogs cooked to bursting over an outdoor fire , and they don 't know one thing about you and never did and honey , you 're better than them because not a one of them would have done this for you . " Connie felt the linoleum under her feet ; it was cool . She brushed her hair back out of her eyes . Arnold Friend let go of the post tentatively and opened his arms for her , his elbows pointing in toward each other and his wrists limp , to show that this was an embarrassed embrace and a little mocking , he didn 't want to make her self - conscious . ( Hello Alone at Night visitors . Our new book is alive ! It 's available on Amazon . I love to ride my bike along the country roads of a . . . This happened to me about 12 years ago when I was 10 . Still to this day it creeps me out . Down the road from my house is a petrol station . I . . . Hello , Alone at Night Scary Stories fans . Big news . You can read more about Alone at Night 's Patreon account here . Alone at Night h . . . Hello , Alone at Night fans . We 're still waiting for our first Patreon contributor . Will it be you ? If you enjoy the content that Alon . . . |
Granddad Posted on April 14 , 2017April 19 , 2017 by ebigley My granddad died on March 27th … one day before his 87th birthday . The emotional roller coaster that I 've been riding for the past month and a half is almost unbearable . I 've gone from the incredible joy of the birth of a new baby , to the grief that can only be felt when you lose someone you love dearly . I loved my granddad dearly . He was a great man , who 's joy for the simple things in life was infectious . He left behind a wife , two sons , three grandchildren , and five great - grandchildren . Granddad touched countless lives . We knew the end was coming for a little over a year , and for him , I 'm sure death was a great release . I know he hurt so badly , and that is over for him now . For that I am grateful . I have so many fond memories of Granddad . He helped to raise me . I spent countless hours with him and my grandmother growing up . They only lived a couple of miles away . Granddad and I would go down into the creek behind their house . We spent hours exploring up and down that creek . We would find interesting " artifacts " in the mud and silt . He would tell all kinds of stories . During our explorations , we would play all kinds of pretend games . One of our favorites was for me to pretend to be a teenage girl , and Granddad would pretend to be my little brother . He would get into all sorts of mischief in our games . It was my job to keep him out of trouble ! The big sister / little brother game was a common one with us . We didn 't just play it while exploring the creek . We would also play on our long bike rides . Granddad would ride bikes with me farther than anyone else . He would take me clear up to the main road . He would ride with me down to the elementary school a couple of miles away , so that I could play on the playground ( and he could take a rest ) . Every once in a while , he would stop to point out something interesting that he had seen while we were riding . Granddad was a master storyteller . He had a way of telling stories that made you feel like you were really there . He could tell a funny story about the trouble he and his brother got into while they were growing up , and by the time he got done , it was as if you had been there too , right along with them . I can still remember the suspense and fear I felt when he told me a story about the time his brother dared him to stick his tongue to a frozen train track during a Missouri winter . They didn 't believe a tongue would actually stick to the metal . So , Granddad 's brother dared Granddad to try it . As it turns out , tongues do stick to frozen train tracks . And then they heard the train whistle . The way Granddad told the story , I 'm sure he managed to peel his tongue off the track mere seconds before the train came speeding along the track , with my granddad and his brother barely escaping certain death … or at least tongue amputation . I can still remember , as a small child , when I would ride anywhere in a car with Granddad , he would tell me stories about the road lice . Now , you may not know it , but nearly all roads have road lice . You can tell , because of all the little bumps . Most people think they are there to separate the different lanes of traffic . But Granddad knew the truth . Those bumps in between the lanes were actually road louse houses . He would have me staring at those little bumps throughout the entirety of a long road trip , desperately trying to spot a road louse . Of course , I didn 't know what they looked like … and according to Granddad , they were very shy creatures . After all , wouldn 't you be scared to come out of your house if cars ran over it all the time ? I sure wish I had his talent for keeping kids entertained in the car ! With five kids of my own now , that kind of talent would really come in handy ! Along with his talent for storytelling , Granddad had another great talent . My granddad could whistle . It wasn 't just any whistle . He had his own very special whistle . I could tell his whistle apart from anyone else 's . It had a very unique sound . Granddad was always whistling . He whistled any tune that came into his head . But , I most often remember hearing him whistle The Battle Hymn of the Republic . Not a song you 'd typically hear whistled ! Now , every once in a while , he would sing it … rather badly ! His rendition was very loud , and always overly dramatic . He enjoyed my pained reaction . But , the sound of his whistle is something I will never forget . Granddad also had a couple of great culinary passions : popcorn , and ice cream floats . He had a special pan that he used to cook popcorn on the stove . The bottom of it looked like a typical sauce pan . But , the top had a lid that attached to the handle . On the end of the handle was a crank that turned a mechanism in the bottom of the pan that kept the kernels moving . It looked a lot like this one . I thought it was so awesome when he made popcorn . He would let me pour the popcorn into the pan , AND turn the handle while it popped ! My mom never let me play at the stove … but Granddad did . Of course , he was standing with me the whole time making sure I wouldn 't burn myself . Now , the ice cream float went perfectly with a popcorn snack . Granddad liked root beer in his . But I was never a fan of root beer . So , he would make a Coke float for me . The ice cream had to be Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla . We were in Texas , after all ! When I got a little bit older , Grandmother and Granddad took me with them on a number of vacations . I spent weeks every summer , travelling to some exotic location . They took me on a road trip to Washington D . C . ( Remember the road louse houses ? He even managed to get a teenage me to search for them ! ) . We went to England , three different times . I even joined them for one week out of their three week 50th anniversary trip to Hawaii . They probably would have asked me to join them for all three weeks , but the first two weeks were during dead week and finals during my first semester of my junior year in college . Driving in England with Granddad was always an adventure . Of course , to us Americans , the British drive on the wrong side of the road ! On our first trip to England , on the very first day , we were driving from Gatwick airport to our first temporary residence . We were all tired and jet lagged . Granddad started veering off the road , and knocked the headlight and side mirror off our rental car . That woke us up ! Then , after we got off the M road ( I can 't remember which number it was ) , Granddad went to turn on our next road , and of course , turned onto the wrong side of the road ! More excitement ! He finally got it figured out around the time we were about to leave to come back to the US after 3 weeks each time . But , we always had fun . We stayed lost a lot , since Grandmother was the navigator … but that 's a story for another day ! I could tell a million more stories about my granddad . But , I 'll save some for another time . I have many , many happy memories of this man . He will certainly be missed . I am sad . But , I also know that I have hope . Hope because we will meet again … free from pain , and free from the confusion and haze of dementia . So , until that time , I will have to be content to remember . I will remember all the time I had to spend with him . I will remember how blessed I have been to have had my granddad in my life . The next morning , Andrew and I were up by 5 am . Andrew went out to take care of the animals , which had to be done before we could leave . I showered and dressed . Then , I cooked some eggs and toast for breakfast . Andrew came back into the house as I was sitting down to eat my breakfast . He started washing eggs . " We have another errand to run before the induction . " he told me . We already had one errand to run before heading to the hospital . Andrew and the kids had picked all the carrots , and they needed to be taken to the food pantry in town . Tuesdays are the big distribution day , so , that 's the day Andrew always drops off any fresh produce he has to donate . Now , apparently , there was a second errand . " Ugh . Really ? ! ? Opossums smell so bad , and we 're already running late . Can 't you just let Midnight have it ? He 'd have so much fun . Then we wouldn 't have to worry about it ! " Midnight has some sort of problem with opossums . We don 't know why , but he harbors a serious grudge against these little critters . Of course , Andrew knew I wasn 't serious … at least , not completely serious . Well , maybe I was serious , but I knew he 'd say no . Opossums are actually beneficial creatures to have around … just not if they 're stealing dog food . Andrew laughed , " No , we can 't give it to Midnight ! That wouldn 't be right . I don 't want to kill it … I just want it someplace it won 't steal our dog food . " So it was that we had to find a spot down our little road where we could perform the " release " portion of my husband 's " catch and release " opossum program before the birth of our fifth baby . Only in my life do these things happen ! This was already shaping up to be a unique story . But , I had no idea how much drama was yet to come . After all of our pre - induction stops , we finally made it to the hospital , but we were a little bit late . The nurse was ready and waiting on us . She handed me my stylish gown to wear during labor . I got changed , then into the bed I climbed . The nurse hooked me up to the monitors . When she finished , she put in my IV to start my first dose of antibiotics . I was Group B Strep positive , so I had to have at least two doses of these IV antibiotics at least four hours apart . Now , my doctor and I have played this game before ( I 've been GBS positive with my last 3 pregnancies ) . I have a history of fairly fast labors . My second baby only took 5 hours to make her appearance . The boys took right around 4 hours each … one was a little more , one was a little less . We planned to have one dose complete , and the second dose at least started before my doctor even began the induction . So , I knew I had a few hours to wait around while the antibiotics were going . Meanwhile , our baby had decided to play a game of her own called " run away from the pesky monitor " . Every time the nurse found the heartbeat , Baby would run away again . The nurse decided , in a bit of arrogance , that Baby would be in a certain place . Clearly , Baby was not there . But , despite the evidence , the nurse refused to try the monitor anywhere else . This , of course , let to much annoyance for her , and constant interruptions to us , since she was continually having to come in to readjust the monitor . The reasons many people seek to avoid continuous fetal monitoring were about to become more obvious . Soon after I was all wired in , the monitors showed that the baby 's heart rate had dropped significantly . I was having some mild contractions , but I couldn 't even feel them . Remember , nothing had been done yet to start the induction . The contractions I was having were just the same Braxton - Hicks contractions I 'd been having for months . We were even still waiting to start the antibiotics . Our nurse came in , and started trying to find the baby 's heart rate … again . She didn 't seem too worried , at first . But then , when she did find it , it was only 50 beats per minute … far too slow ! That started a panic . My nurse patted me on the arm and said , " Looks like you 're gettin ' a c - section , Honey ! " She put the oxygen on me and had me rolling back and forth , trying to get the baby back into a good position . There were nurses flying around the room , and the hospital staff OB came in . Everyone in the room seemed ready to whisk me off to the OR for an emergency c - section . Andrew and I are still trying to decide if the drop in heart rate was real , or if it was an artifact of an arrogant nurse and an ill - placed monitor . Whatever the case , we were scared ! We were praying like we 'd never prayed before that our sweet baby would make it into this world . By the time my doctor arrived a few minutes later , the baby 's heart rate was back to normal . He looked at the tape from the monitor , and decided it had nothing to do with the mild contraction in question . The drop had started before the contraction had started . The baby 's heart rate had been just fine up until that point , and by that time , it was strong and steady again . There was no reason to rush off into surgery . The best course of action , he believed , would be to continue monitoring for a few hours . If everything continued to be fine , we would start the induction as planned . However , if it happened again , we would need to consider a c - section . He seemed to think it was necessary to talk us out of surgery . I had never been more thankful for a non - reactionary doctor with a steady head on his shoulders ! We had to wait for the antibiotics anyway , so it wasn 't that big of a deal to wait . But now , we were nervously obsessing over every sound coming out of that monitor . Andrew sat and watched every blip the monitors recorded . Every time I got up to use the rest room , that nurse was back in my room before I even got done to make sure the monitors were hooked back up immediately . All this time , Baby 's heart rate was doing fine . It was nice and strong … 140 when resting , and about 160 when active . But , Baby decided running away from the monitor was no longer entertaining enough . Now , Baby has declared war on the monitor … kicking and punching the spot where the monitor is strapped around my belly . When a contraction would hit while Baby was already wiggling , the fight was on ! Baby 's heart rate would go up to 180 , and the contraction monitor would go crazy with all the kicking it received ! I decided it was safe to say that Baby was handling everything just fine . Around 12 : 45 , the doctor came back in to start on the induction . He had the nurse start a slow dose of Pitocin along with the second dose of antibiotics to make the contractions I was already having get a little stronger and more regular . Baby was still up fairly high ( probably because I had been strapped to a bed all morning ) , and he didn 't want to break my water yet because of the risk of a cord prolapse . So , the nurse started the IV with what she called a " whiff " of Pitocin . The Pitocin drip was so slow that it didn 't do a whole lot . I still wasn 't really feeling the contractions very much . The doctor returned an hour later to break my water . The nurse later informed us that he had broken my water at 1 : 46 pm . That 's when things started to get exciting again . The doctor told us that I should get into active labor within an hour or so . He would be in his office until 3 : 00 . After that , he would be back by to check in and see how things were progressing . He expected , given my past history , to have a baby around 5 or 6 pm . " But , " he tells me , " if you start feeling anything strange , especially if you feel like you need to poop , before then , let the nurse know , and we 'll check on you a little sooner . " He said I could have an epidural any time . We told him I was going to try to go without it this time . He kind of chuckled and said , " Brave woman ! " The contractions became strong and regular very fast . Andrew kept trying to talk to me , and make me laugh . I was already hurting pretty badly , and he was trying to distract me from it . But , I was not in the mood ! At first , I as able to manage a weak smile or two . Then , I just started to ignore him … all I could concentrate on was the contractions and the impending birth of my baby . Eventually , he realized I needed him to be quiet and just be there for me . He stood next to the bed and held my hands through the contractions . About half an hour later , I felt like I couldn 't take it anymore . Now , I had read all about the emotional signposts of labor . I was clearly feeling a lot of self - doubt ( which I knew indicates transition ) , but it had only been half an hour . There was no way I was that far along … I thought . My last two labors had taken right around four hours . In my mind , I still had at least 3 hours before the birth of our baby ! I told Andrew several times that I couldn 't do it . I needed the epidural . He just said , " Yes you can , yes you can . " He was very encouraging , but he was afraid we still had a few hours before birth as well . Andrew proposed a compromise . " The nurse will be back in here soon to check you . Wait until then to see about the epidural . If you aren 't very far along yet , perhaps the epidural would be best . But maybe you 're almost there . If you are , you can do it without one . " I grumpily told him , " You 're just trying to make me wait until it 's too late ! " But , reluctantly , I said , " Fine . I need to pee anyway . Help me get to the restroom . " So , Andrew helped me out of bed and to the restroom . When I got there , I realized that I did not , in fact , need to " pee " ! I told Andrew . He ran to the door to advise the nurse , " She feels like she has to ' go ' ! " The nurse replied , rather nonchalantly , " Okay . I 'll come check her . " Andrew helped me back from the restroom while the nurse took her time getting into my room . We had to stop twice because the contractions were coming so fast . I was much more comfortable taking them while standing and leaning on Andrew . I didn 't want to get back in that bed . As I got to the bed , another contraction hit , and I sank down on my knees while I waited for it to pass . The nurse finally wandered into my room quite lackadaisically . I managed to get back into the bed . None of us really thought I could possibly be very far along yet . It had only been a little over half an hour . But , as she checked , her eyes got as big as saucers . " Ummmm … she 's a 7 and a half , and just stretched to an 8 ! " She practically ran to the door , stuck her head out and called , " She 's an 8 ! " to another nurse at the nurse 's station right outside the door . We heard the other nurse say , " Wow ! That was fast . " Then , she set about preparing my room for imminent delivery . I tried to tell my nurse that it was time for an epidural . She stopped , and looked at me , and said , " Ain 't gonna happen ! There 's not enough time . You 've just got five more contractions . " She resumed running around the room getting everything ready . " NO YOU DON ' T ! " the nurse stated rather emphatically . " If baby comes on its own , fine . But don 't help yet ! Just give me five more contractions . PLEASE ! " She ran to the door of the room , then ran back in . On the next contraction , I told her that I had to push , I couldn 't stop it anymore . The nurse gave me the least helpful advice ever , " Just breathe through it , " she said , " just breathe . Don 't push yet . The doctor isn 't here . " A wave of more panicked nurses flooded into the room . By the next contraction , I was screaming from the effort of trying not to push . The nurses had set off all the blinking lights in the entire hospital . My room was crawling with nurses . The staff OB wandered in again . Apparently no one had time to fill her in , and she was wondering what all the screaming was about . I couldn 't hold back the pushing anymore , my body just took over . It wasn 't physically possible to stop it . I could feel the baby crowning . Birth was imminent . My nurse had her hand on the baby 's head . She practically yelled at the staff OB , " Get your gloves on ! ! ! " Just as the staff OB was reaching for some gloves , my doctor ran into the room , leap - frogging over a couple of nurses who where close to the doorway . The nurse said , " Your gloves are right there . She 's crowning . " They switched places just in time for the next contraction . I finally got to push . The baby 's head was delivered immediately . I started to push again to birth the body , but the shoulders hung up a little . Everyone was a little confused . The doctor realized my legs were still down from trying not to push , and said , " Her legs ! Get her legs up ! " Andrew and the nurse helped me get into the proper position . One more push , and our new daughter was born at 2 : 52 pm … after one hour and six minutes worth of active labor . I held our baby girl on my chest for quite a while . Eventually , Andrew and the nurse took her to the other side of the room to weigh her and clean her off a little . She tipped the scales at 8 pounds , 14 ounces , and she was 21 inches long . Andrew calls her his " itsy bitsy giant . " We asked the doctor , when he made his rounds the next day , how on earth he made it from his office so quickly . We were figuring he must have already been back in the hospital for some reason . But , he gave us a sheepish grin and said , " Lots of unsafe driving ! I didn 't use the brakes much . I set a new record . Apparently , I can make it here from my office in three minutes . " The doctor discharged us that evening . We took our sweet new baby girl home . Her brothers and sisters love their new baby sister already . Her youngest brother may be a little excessively affectionate . He wants to give her kisses every time he sees or hears her . Posted in Kids , Memories , PregnancyTagged Baby , Birth Stories , Breastfeeding , Kids , Life and Death , Memories , Parenting , Pregnancy8 Comments Our Fifth Birth Story : Part 1 Posted on April 3 , 2017April 7 , 2017 by ebigley Well , it 's been a while since I 've posted here . Wondering why ? Well , we welcomed the newest member to our family ! This birth was an interesting journey , and a bit of a wild ride … from the very beginning ! Monday morning , we had an appointment with our doctor for our 40 week check - up . Imagine , for a moment , this scenario : You are heavily pregnant , sitting at the doctor 's office … with you four older , very bored children . It 's the day before your due date , and your blood pressure is starting to run just a little bit high . So , the doctor wants to wire you down for a non - stress test … just to make sure everything was alright with the baby . This is the scenario unfolding for me that morning . Fortunately , my husband had met us there for the appointment . My boys were in rare form that morning … each specializing in the kinds of torture only brothers can provide for one another . They were sitting in the only two regular chairs in the exam room , looking innocent as can be . Soon , Monkey would screech and smack a very still and innocent looking Rhino . Rhino thought it was funny , and started laughing . Monkey was told to leave his brother alone . They quiet down for a couple of minutes . Then , Rhino would screech and smack an innocent looking Monkey . Now it was Monkey 's turn to laugh . They were taking turns poking each other just out of sight of their dad and me , thinking we wouldn 't catch on to their little game . Soon , Bear got into the game . She went and sat between them , under the pretense of helping them to behave themselves . Instead , the two boys both turned on their sister , so instead of poking each other , now they were both poking her . Meanwhile , Lizard was on the doctor 's stool … you know , the kind that 's on wheels with the seat that spins freely . She was propelling herself back and forth across the open section of the exam room while laying across the seat of the stool . The doctor came in to this scene , and fortunately started laughing . He looks at everyone , and said , " Reminds me of my kids . But they 're grown up now . " None of the other kids had ever made it all the way to their due dates . Baby was measuring big , and I was sick of being pregnant . I was ready for this birth ! But , at the previous checks over the past three weeks , my body just wasn 't showing any signs of agreement . We were all getting a little anxious for this baby 's birth … even the doctor ! But today was a different story . I was finally starting to dilate and was about 50 % effaced . The doctor pulled out his phone to decide when to schedule an induction . Andrew and I piped up , asking , " How about tomorrow ? " So , we decided to go ahead and schedule an induction for the following morning . After the appointment , I called my parents to let them know it was time to come down . We only gave them 8 hours notice to get here . But , that 's a lot longer than they would have gotten if I had gone into labor on my own ! They always stay with the bigger kids while Andrew and I are at the hospital for a birth . We were all excited . It was almost time for Baby ! Back when Andrew and I first got married , I was working for a diagnostic lab in the veterinary school at the university in our town . Not too long after we found out Bear was on the way , I was promoted to Laboratory Supervisor . I was responsible for making sure the lab ran smoothly , and making sure our results were dependable . Part of that job included making sure all of our machines were functioning properly , and that any new machines or equipment was set up and running as quickly as possible . I wasn 't bad at my job . I checked through all of our results daily , and made sure all the routine maintenance was done on all of our instruments . All of our chemicals were in stock and up to date . Everything was going fairly smoothly , until one fateful day . The medical director for our lab was excited . We were finally getting our own blood chemistry analyzer . We would finally be able to run our own chemistry panels for our lab 's research section rather than having to pay another lab to run them for us . He was confident we would save hundreds each month . On paper , he was right . The tests would cost mere pennies each with our own machine . He overlooked one important fact . The Hitachi 911 was a top of the line chemistry analyzer … in 1993 . However , when it found its way to our lab in 2008 , it was due for donation to a museum . In fact , the company that originally manufactured it informed me , when I called them for a copy of the service manual , that the Hitachi 911 would be " sunsetted " in 2009 . That meant there would no longer be service parts or support available for this machine . Despite this new knowledge , our esteemed medical director wished to continue with the installation of this prehistoric beast . We would simply get our reagents and any parts we might need from a third party supplier . We scheduled a week for the used equipment dealers from which the machine was purchased to come down from Minnesota to complete the installation and training for this treasured " new " tool . The Hitachi 911 came , packed in a huge shipping crate , a couple of weeks before our appointment . So , it sat in the lab hallway . One day , my husband walked over to eat lunch with me . He saw the big crate in the middle of the hallway , and immediately had a plan for all that wood . Of course , my boss was only too happy to have someone else dispose of the giant crate . Our lab was in the basement of the veterinary college , and the hallways were small . The crate almost completely blocked up the hallway where it was sitting , forcing everyone to take the long way from lab room to lab room . My boss was anxious to get rid of it ! The big installation and training day came . The instrument was unpacked and installed . That afternoon , our training began . This machine had to boot from a floppy disk . Do you remember those ? There was no operating system . I found myself transported back to my early childhood , watching my dad program his big machines to make all sorts of metal doohickeys . It was fairly late in the evening when we finished for the day . I called Andrew to come pick up that shipping crate . It was dark , and we were in the midst of a rare central Texas snowstorm ( and the fact that we were calling it a snowstorm amused our guests from Minnesota greatly ) . Andrew got the crate loaded up in my truck , and we started home . When we got there , he stacked it all up in the garage . Soon after our training , it was time for Bear to come , and I had to go on maternity leave . I was gone for 2 months . When I returned , I found that nothing had been done with the much - anticipated Hitachi 911 while I was gone . It had sat idle for 2 months . So , I started to work on getting it up and running and validated for diagnostic use . Week after week brought setback after setback . Our medical director became impatient . I was working long hours , and all I really wanted to do was be at home with my new baby . I sure didn 't want to spend my days in a futile war with an ancient piece of laboratory equipment ! However , while I was working late , locked in this hopeless battle , my husband was going home on time . He used his free time at home before I got there each evening carefully crafting something new and exciting from all of that wood he had gleaned from the shipping crate in which my arch - nemesis had arrived . The work was slow and tedious . He wanted to make sure that the final product would last for years to come . Four months later , I put in my resignation . I was fed up with that machine . I din 't want to be there , and my husband and I were fairly certain that we could make it work on just one income , if we were very very frugal . My husband made a huge dining room table out of the shipping crate that the Hitachi 911 had come out of just a few months earlier . When he finished putting it together , it barely fit in our dining room in that little house we had it town . It was so big that we couldn 't even reach each other to pass food back and forth . It seemed a little ridiculous back then , for us to have such a large table where there were only the three of us for dinner regularly ( and one of us was a little baby ! ) . But our family would grow ! Today , in our farmhouse , the table fits a little better , though it 's still pretty big . But now , that table is full at dinnertime . There are six of us to sit around it now . In fact , my husband will have to build bench seating in the near future so that the soon to be seven of us will be able to fit ! It has served us well for nearly 9 years now . Posted in DIY , Homemade , MemoriesTagged Dinner , DIY , Homemade , Memories , Parenting5 Comments Where the Pavement Ends Posted on February 13 , 2017February 23 , 2017 by ebigley Many years ago , when I was still in college , my parents took me on what would be one of last vacations together . We were going to Colorado . We drove from our home in Dallas to my grandparents ' house in Odessa to start our journey . It was a long drive we 'd made often together during my childhood . We spent a few days visiting my grandparents before boarding an airplane at the Midland / Odessa airport , bound for Albuquerque , New Mexico . From there , we rented a car to drive to our destination in Colorado . When we arrived in Albuquerque , we spent a few hours visiting some special places in my Dad 's childhood memory from growing up in New Mexico . It was fairly late in the afternoon before we headed out to find our lodging in Colorado . We still had quite a drive ahead of us - over unfamiliar mountain roads , in the dark . My dad did most of the driving . Mom and I took turns dozing . Soon , still driving down a state highway at about 60 miles per hour , we see a sign fly by : Being from Dallas , none of us had encountered this sign often ( though I have seen them many times since ! ) . We had approximately 2 . 5 seconds to contemplate its exact meaning . Then , there was a big jolt , and a loud " thunk " , and we were travelling at 60 miles per hour on a dirt road … a dirt road that was supposed to be a state highway ! My dad slowed the vehicle to a reasonable speed for the new surface . We all started laughing uncontrollably . We 've often looked back on this first part of our trip . It still makes us laugh when we think back on it . It was one of the most memorable parts of that vacation . This incident is a relevant metaphor for life , though . We often cruise through our lives , not paying enough attention to the road ahead of us . Or maybe , we just don 't understand or appreciate what we 're looking at , just like we didn 't understand that warning sign on a mountain road all those years ago . Then , along comes that sudden jolt and " thunk " to jar us back to our senses . It forces us to slow down to truly spend time with and depend on those around us . Sometimes , these jolts can be painful . Maybe it 's a sudden move , or a lost job , or even the death of a loved one . These types of events force us to slow down and appreciate the finer things in life … things we might have missed otherwise . Things like really spending time with our kids , and really listening to what they tell us . Like taking time to enjoy a sunrise and coffee ( or your morning beverage of choice ) with someone you love . Maybe its taking the time to reach out and spend some time with an old friend you haven 't spoken to in years . Since my husband and I were married nearly nine years ago , we 've had many small moments where the pavement suddenly ended … and a few big moments too . One of the biggest was when we made the decision to move out of town to a farm that was an hour away from anything … a place where the pavement quite literally ended ! Our whole lives changed when we made that decision . We were expecting Lizard at the time , and my hands were full with an 18 month old Bear . I was so sick , and there was so much to be done . But somehow ( mostly because of my husband ) , we made it through . We can 't imagine today how different our lives would have been if we had stayed in town . That life is so far gone that it seems almost like it must have belonged to someone else . We moved out here knowing nothing about what we were doing , and what we know now we 've learned from ourWhen the pavement ends , that 's when life gets interesting . Posted in MemoriesTagged Memories , Metaphors , Travel6 Comments Saying Goodbye - Part Three Posted on February 9 , 2017 by ebigley This is the last post in a three part series about our dog Trinity , who passed away last weekend . If you missed Part One , you can find it here . You can find Part Two here . Even though Trinity really enjoyed living out in the country , I had an economic decision to make . It was just after Hurricanes Katrina and Rita . Gas prices had skyrocketed . Driving back and forth to town every day for class and work became more expensive than the rent I was paying for my room in the house . So , I decided to move back to town . It was back to apartment life for the two of us . Trinity adjusted fairly well . She enjoyed all the walks she got again , though she would have preferred them without the leash . I had graduated from college , then went to work for a lab in my former department . It was there I met my husband , Andrew . Andrew met Trinity on our first date . He was a little surprised … Trinity was a Border Collie mix . He had a Border Collie of his own . Trinity liked Andrew a lot . He would bring his dog Blaze over , or I would take Trinity to his apartment , and we would all walk to the closest park . Andrew and I would fish , and the dogs would gaze longingly at the ducks . They would occasionally hop in the pond for a quick swim ( and a quick duck chase ) . Andrew was also a runner , and he would occasionally take Trinity with him on a run . We went camping , and canoeing , and played frisbee . It was during this time that I started working for a veterinary diagnostic lab at our university . While I was working at this lab , I was able to do a lot of testing for Trinity for free . As a result , we found out that Trinity had a simple deficiency . With vitamin B12 supplementation , her digestive problems that she had dealt with since her poisoning simply went away . She didn 't even have to have special food anymore . Andrew and I eventually decided to get married . We became one big , happy family . Soon , we were expecting our first child . We moved into a small house in town . When we brought Bear home from the hospital , Trinity and Blaze were so excited . They had something new to take care of ! We soon moved to our little farm . Trinity was finally able to return to the farm life , she had enjoyed so much in her younger years , but she was much older this time . Chase was no longer her game of choice . She now preferred to wander around , smelling all the fantastic smells that farm life had to offer . We had three more children . Trinity was amazingly gentle with them all . She enjoyed her life in retirement . Blaze died a few years after we moved out here . He had always helped Andrew with the cattle . After a rather unfortunate and scary incident with the cattle , Andrew and I agreed that he needed a new cow dog … Trinity had absolutely no interest in playing with the cows . She was in retirement , after all ! Along came Midnight and Sandy . Then a year or so later , when neither of them was very good with the cattle either , along came Patch . Trinity eventually learned to accept each new addition … well , when they got bigger than she was , anyway ! Sandy continued to let Trinity boss her around , and Trinity took that responsibility very seriously . Trinity 's experiences with mange that I wrote about in this post would soon come to an end . After the first snake bite , Trinity took to snake hunting . Fortunately , she was only bitten once more a few years later . Though we thought she wasn 't going to make it again , she miraculously pulled through one more time . About three months ago , she started getting sick for the last time . It started with a persistent cough . Sadly , there was a tumor growing larger and larger . It was finally inescapable . The dog who had cheated death so many times was finally dying . We are grateful , in a way , that she was really only seriously uncomfortable for about a day . We didn 't have to make any decision about putting her down . She died during the night , peacefully and on her own terms . She always did do things on her own terms ! Trinity knew a lot of people in her long doggie life . She was a legend . In the end , she was loved by her family … by four small children and their two parents . Her antics will be remembered for years to come . Perhaps , then , she 'll never die after all . One thing is for certain , Trinity will be missed . Posted in Dogs , MemoriesTagged Dogs , Life and Death , MemoriesLeave a comment Saying Goodbye - Part Two Posted on February 7 , 2017February 9 , 2017 by ebigley This is the second in a series of posts to remember the life of our dog , Trinity . She was a dog who escaped death many times . If you missed the first part of this series , you can read it here . And here , you can find another story about one of Trinity 's many scrapes with death . After Trinity 's unfortunate adventure at my parents ' house , we got back to my apartment and got settled in . Eventually , she recovered fully . She still had some digestive issues that stayed with her . I put her on a special hypoallergenic food , and that mostly solved the problem . Otherwise , Trinity was a happy , healthy young dog . She had a happy tail that wagged constantly . It could put a bruise on your leg , or knock your drink off the coffee table ! Sometimes , it was hard to tell who was wagging who ! A year went by . I moved into a house with a couple of friends . Trinity would have a backyard to play in . She would have other dog friends to play with ( once she got used to them , of course ) . She was happy living in that house , and so was I . We 'd take walks around the neighborhood together . We played fetch with Trinity 's toy hedgehog in the backyard . We played chase in the backyard . One day , one of my roommates fried up some venison backstrap . She put the trimmings and scraps in a plastic bag in the trash . Apparently , Trinity couldn 't resist . She got into the trash , ripped open the bag , and ingested the contents . She got very sick - again . This time , it was , according to the vet , E . coli … or an E . coli - type infection . She had to stay with the vet for a couple of days . Again , she made a full recovery and was able to come home . We resumed our life as a care - free college student and her dog . Another way , another move . I moved a little way outside of town . My new roommate already shared the property with a dog and two horses . Trinity really enjoyed the rural life . About a week after we moved in , my roommate had her horses tied to the front yard fence , washing them . I came home and let Trinity out of her kennel , and out in the front yard to do her business … just as I did every day . I was obviously not thinking clearly ! She went charging out the door , straight for those horses on the other side of the fence . She ran up to them , barking . As she got to the fence , though , she looked up and realized just how incredibly big those horses were … and how small she was ! Just at that moment , the younger of the two horses reached his head over the fence , and began to nibble up and down Trinity 's back . Trinity froze . It was the funniest thing I had ever seen . Trinity had met her match . She remembered her lesson for a while . But one day , I had the bad luck to let Trinity out at exactly the same time that my roommate was letting the horses out to graze . They would always take a few minutes to run and buck and play before settling down to eat a little . One of Trinity 's favorite things to do was chase things . And that 's exactly what she did . She ran straight for the fence , scooted underneath it , and ran after those horses . I don 't know if the horses even noticed her . She chased them to the back of the property . The horses came back , making their full circle . But Trinity didn 't . My roommate and I started walking out towards the back of the property , calling for Trinity . We walked a little way , and finally saw Trinity coming … on three legs . One of her front legs was very clearly broken . My roommate very kindly offered to drive us to the vet . So , I lifted Trinity and carried her to my roommate 's truck . Off to the vet we went . It was fairly late in the afternoon , so Trinity had to stay overnight to have her leg set and casted . I brought her home on my way home from class the next day . She was still the same happy Trinity with the same happy tail . The cast made it hard for her to walk , but she soon figured it out . It took about two months , but her leg finally healed . Needless to say , I as on a first name basis with the entire staff at our veterinary clinic . Posted in Dogs , MemoriesTagged Dogs , Life and Death , Life Lessons , MemoriesLeave a comment Saying Goodbye - Part One Posted on February 6 , 2017February 9 , 2017 by ebigley This weekend was a little emotional here in our home . We 've had to say goodbye to a beloved family pet . Trinity wasn 't doing well Saturday , and when we woke up Sunday morning , we found she had died during the night . I must say , it wasn 't unexpected . She had been sick for quite a while . And after all , she was 17 years old . But how do I say goodbye to a dog who has been a constant companion to me for the past 16 years ? How do I help my kids say goodbye to a dog who has been part of the family for their entire lives ? After all , this dog has escaped death so many times . It 's really still a little hard to process that she 's actually gone for good . One of the ways I do it is to talk about ( or write about ) all the crazy shenanigans Trinity has gotten herself into over the past 16 years . She really was a funny dog . She was a constant guard of the food bowl . In fact , we don 't know exactly how we 're going to keep Sandy from eating too much anymore , now that Trinity is gone . Trinity was Sandy 's self control . The first time I met Trinity , I was looking to adopt a dog from the pound . I was in college , and I had grown up with dogs always in the house . So when I moved out of the dorms , and into my first apartment , getting a dog was my first order of business ! Off to the pound I went . There were all sorts of dogs , all barking and anxious for attention . But one dog in particular caught my attention . She was standing with her front feet up on the kennel door , jumping up and down , desperately barking at me , and trying to dig her way through the chain link door . I told one of the employees that I wanted to visit with that dog . I took her out into the yard area they had there at the pound for people to use to get to know the animals . She stole my heart right away . She was active and personable . I just knew she was the dog for me . So I took her to the front to start the paperwork and pay for her . The adoption fee was usually $ 75 . The lady at the front tap - tapped on her computer for a minute , and then frowned . She said , " I 'm afraid we may have a problem here . " " Well , " she frowned , " she has been adopted before , and they brought her back this morning . They said she was too much trouble . It was an older couple though , perhaps she was just too active . She is scheduled for … " she trailed off . " You are sure this is the dog you want ? She may be a problem . " " Yes , I 'm sure this is the dog I want . " Even though she hadn 't said it , I knew perfectly well what this poor dog was scheduled for , and that wasn 't going to happen to her ! I knew I couldn 't save them all , but I could save this one . " Alright then , " said the woman . " Just in case it doesn 't work out for you though , I 'll hold your check for a week . You can just bring her back and you 'll save the money . " Well , I had just been challenged ! There was no way the dog was going to come back to this place . I didn 't care how " difficult " she might be . She was my dog now , and we 'd figure it out . We went straight to the pet store to get some dog food and a proper collar and leash . I got her a kennel to use while I was in class . I took her to the vet for her shots and check up at the first opportunity . It turns out , she did have a few quirks . She was not a huge fan of other dogs … a fact which made visiting my parents and their three dogs a little challenging at first . But she got used to them . Well , all but one of them . But it was easy enough to keep the two of them separated while I visited for a weekend . She got agitated whenever she saw other animals of any kind … especially large animals like cattle and horses . That made the car rides back and forth to college rather interesting since the roads led through 3 hours worth of rural Texas . She was a very active dog , and still rather young . The vet estimated that she was about 10 months old . So she wasn 't completely out of her puppy phase yet . That explained why she was still a little " difficult " . We played a lot , and she had tons of toys . She seemed to be pretty happy . She took to kennel training very well . The kennel was her own little house , and she was perfectly happy to stay there while I was in class . Night time was a completely different story , however . Soon , even though I had every intention of having her sleep in the kennel , she had wormed her way out , and was sleeping at the foot of my bed . About a month after Trinity first came to live with me , we went home to visit my parents . We had plans to go to the state fair . So , on Saturday morning , I put Trinity outside in the back yard while I was getting ready to go . I walked by the door , and noticed her laying on her side … she appeared to be sleeping . That was odd behavior for her so early in the morning . I went out to check on her . She could barely stand , and was obviously very sick . I called to my mom and dad . They helped me get her in the car , and drove us to their vet . It turns out , she had been poisoned . Mom and Dad told me that they 'd been having some trouble with some boys in the neighborhood , messing with their dogs . Chances are , someone had tossed something over the fence , intended for my parents ' dogs , and Trinity had eaten it . Since it was Saturday , my parents ' vet got Trinity stabilized , then we took her over to the emergency clinic , where I had worked so many years in high school and during the summers in college . Fortunately , I had an employee 's discount , so I only payed the hospital 's cost for all of her treatment . Even so , I had to have help from my parents in order to afford all the treatment . Posted in Dogs , Farm Life , Kids , MemoriesTagged Dogs , Life and Death , Memories4 Comments Snake Oil for Sale ! Posted on February 2 , 2017April 13 , 2017 by ebigley We 've all heard stories of old about the infamous snake oil salesmen , selling all sorts of remedies for all kinds of ailments . Well , perhaps they may actually have been on to something ! My dog , Trinity , has escaped death too many times to count in her 17 years . From poisonings , to being run over by a horse , she 's had plenty of close calls . But those are all stories for a different time . Today 's story is about Trinity and mange . It doesn 't really sound life - threatening on the surface , does it ? Well , this story starts about eight years ago , not long after Bear was born . We still lived in town . I noticed a small spot on Trinity 's back where she was missing her hair . I thought it was a probably a sting or bite at first , and didn 't really think much of it . But a week or so later , I noticed it was still there … and it was definitely bigger . And was that another small bald spot on her face ? Having worked as a vet tech all through high school and college , I already knew it was likely to be mange . My question was … sarcoptic , or demodectic ? Only the vet could answer that question . So , off to the vet we went . A couple of skin scrapings and microscope slides later , we had our answer . Demodectic mange . This type of mange is a nuisance to the dog , but it is not contagious to other dogs , or to humans . It is treatable , but the effectiveness of the treatments varies . We tried dips first . No such luck . Large doses of ivermectin were typically our vet 's next suggestion . However , Trinity is part Border Collie . The breed has a known sensitivity to ivermectin . He advised against that type of treatment , as it could easily kill her . We should only attempt it as a last resort . We did some research on our own , and found a flea and tick prevention medication that had fallen out of favor for its intended use . However , many folks were have a lot of success using off label to treat demodectic mange . We decided to give it a shot . The first time we used it , Trinity 's hair started growing back within a few days . It stank horribly for a day or two , but if it was going to get rid of the mange , we were willing to deal with it . It was a monthly treatment . Low and behold , just before the month was up , here came the bald spots again . So , it was monthly treatments from there on out . We used that treatment for a couple of years . We moved out of town , on to our little farm . The effectiveness of the treatment began to wane . Soon , the monthly treatments were only keeping the bald spots from getting bigger . They weren 't going away anymore . Eventually , we started treating more and more often … once every 3 weeks , then every two … Then , the company that made the treatment finally took it off the market . We couldn 't get it anymore . What would we do for poor Trinity ? She was nearly completely bald , and she was miserable . She looked like pictures that pop up occasionally that people take of some poor creature they found that they are just sure is a chupacabra … but they always wind up being some sort of canine with mange . She just laid on her pillow all day long , not moving much unless it was to scratch . We decided it was time for the last - ditch effort . We had ivermectin for the cattle . We were hoping that Trinity had enough non - Border Collie parts to keep the ivermectin from killing her . But , the unfortunate fact of the matter was , we were going to have to put her down if we couldn 't find anything to help her … she was just too miserable . So , we got the dosage for ivermectin to treat mange in a dog her size , and , with a bit of trepidation , tried it . Luckily , it worked … and she lived through it . We kept treating , gradually increasing the dosage as it became ineffective . Soon , we were giving her the maximum dosage twice a month . But mange kept winning . We again started to discuss whether euthanasia was the most humane option we had . Less than an hour after we got home , we noticed that Trinity was even more lethargic than usual , and there was a giant lump swelling up on the side of her face and neck . She was already quite old , and she was weak from the mange . We were afraid nature had made our decision for us . Trinity had been bitten by a snake . It was , in all likelihood , a copperhead . But the next morning , something strange happened . When we got up , there was Trinity , laying on her pillow , slowly wagging her tail at us . She was obviously still hurting from the bite , but seemed much better than she had the night before . The swelling in her face and neck was starting to go down a little ! It didn 't seem possible . By the next day , she was up and around again , up to her usual antics … busily guarding the food bowl ( the one activity for which she has always had the energy ) . In fact , she even spent a lot of time outside , hunting the vile creature that had bitten her to pay it back for its crime . We were shocked , to say the least . But , an even bigger surprise was coming . A few weeks later , I looked at Trinity one evening , and it looked like … it had to be my imagination ! But it looked like some of her hair was growing back . I asked Andrew if he had given her more ivermectin . He hadn 't . He had given up . I told him to come look at her . We agreed … it looked like some hair was growing back . Within three months , our hairless wonder had regrown a full , healthy coat . It 's now been over three years , and the mange has never returned . Now , Trinity has plenty of other health problems ( as many 17 year old dogs do ) , but mange is certainly not one of them ! Posted in Dogs , MemoriesTagged Dogs , Snake , Snake bites , Snake oil , strange cures4 Comments No Chickens ! Posted on January 28 , 2017April 19 , 2017 by ebigley Six and a half years ago , our lives changed forever . We bought a house in Middle - of - Nowhere , Texas . Then we moved from our nice , conveniently located house in town to our new little piece of property that was an hour away from anything . At the time , Bear was around 18 months old , and we were expecting our second . I was so sick , and so busy taking care of a toddler . Andrew had to do pretty much all the moving by himself . I was useless ! What were we thinking ? ? ? Once we got moved in and at least nominally settled , we had to get to work on a way to keep our agricultural tax exemption . We had always intended to stock the place with animals . I only had one rule . One rule , never to be broken , when I agreed to move out to the middle of nowhere : NO CHICKENS ! ! ! No chickens . How hard is that rule to obey ? We could get anything else … cows , goats , sheep , horses , even llamas . Just no chickens . The possibilities were endless . I always assumed we would get some cattle . I mean , this is Texas . Of course there would be cattle . He wanted to get … chickens . Yes , chickens . I thought I had made myself perfectly clear . Why on earth would he want to mess with such foul , disgusting fowl which are useless for anything except feeding the local bobcat and coyote populations ? My uncle had chickens years ago when I was a kid . I was certain that this one experience in my youth made me an expert on the matter . Unfortunately , my husband did make some good points . We did eat a lot of chicken . We ate a lot of eggs . We would know what was going into our food . It would be cheaper to raise them than to pay full price at the store . It was starting to become clear that I was going to lose this argument . But , I held fast and firm to my decision . NO CHICKENS ! ! ! " So , " says my husband , smiling mischievously , " You don 't want chickens . But that means I can get chickens . You won 't have to mess with them at all . They 'll be my chickens , my business . " I was nearly 8 months pregnant , and I was tired . I finally conceded the loss . " Fine . " I pouted . " But understand me now . I will NOT do anything with those chickens ! They are yours , just like you said . I won 't touch those nasty chickens . And don 't come crying to me when the coyotes get them ! " A few days later , my husband came driving home from the feed store with a box full of chicks that he had ordered . Thirty of them . Thirty ! They were kinda cute . Even my hard heart had to admit that . They were all fluffy and yellow , with all the little cheep cheep noises . But I still wasn 't going to have anything to do with them . Nope … no way ! Wasn 't gonna happen ! My husband had a big crate in the garage that he turned into a brooder for them . It was fall , it was actually rather cool , and chicks have to be kept very warm until their feathers come in . He put chicken wire over the top of the box , and a piece of plywood on top of the wire to keep the heat from the lamp in the box , leaving enough room uncovered for air to circulate . He weighted down the wood on the top to make sure it wouldn 't come off . The next morning , as my husband was leaving for work , he asked me to come out to the garage every few hours to check the brooder to make sure the chicks weren 't too cold , and make sure they had enough food and water . Remember , that I was eight months pregnant . The walk ( waddle ) from the house to the garage was no small undertaking ! But , the compassion for these poor little babies in my hormonal pregnant heart was stirred . So much for being completely hands - off with the chickens ! My resolve had lasted less than 24 hours . Tragedy would soon strike our household , however . The third day after their arrival , after my daughter was down for her nap , I went out to check on the chicks . My pregnant , hormonally - charged brain knew something was amiss the minute I stepped into the garage . It was too quiet . There were no sounds of cheeping and scuttling about as I approached the box . The lid was knocked off , and the chicken wire was pulled up on the corner . Oh , what a horrible , gruesome scene I found in that brooder ! Something had gotten into the brooder and killed every single chick save one … but when I looked , I didn 't see the live one . It must have been hiding in the corner under the light . I thought they had all been killed . They had not been eaten . They had been eviscerated . The perpetrator had extracted the parts he wanted with surgical precision from each and every chick . The rest of the parts were scattered about the bottom of the box , untouched . This MO suggested that a raccoon was to blame . I cried and cried and cried . It was too much . My emotional state was already unstable . I didn 't even want those silly chicks . And now I had to deal with this grizzly murder scene . I called my husband at work , and I cried at him for about 5 minutes before I could make any words come out . Of course , this resulted in a panicked husband . Imagine your very pregnant wife who is alone with your young daughter out in the middle of nowhere , calling you at work , unable to do anything but cry . I finally managed to pull myself together enough to tell him what had happened . He was also upset , but told me he 'd take care of it himself after work . When he got home , he found the one chick that had survived . I held and cuddled that little chick while he cleaned out the brooder . All those poor , helpless babies were just gone ! It was the first of many life and death lessons we would learn about how hard , and sometimes vicious life could be out here . Andrew fixed the brooder up and made many improvements so this would not happen again . He also went on a raccoon hunting spree , the first of several . We got more chicks . In fact , since there was one survivor , we had to get more chicks the very next day . Our lone survivor would get too cold without some compatriots to keep him company . Andrew built coops and fenced enclosures when the new chicks were ready to move out of the brooder . Since then , we 've grown our flock quite a bit . We keep a permanent flock of layers , and hatch out some as replacements for our older layers , and some for meat for our family each year . I still don 't like the chickens . I like raccoons even less . And , despite all my big talk at the beginning , I was the one crying when predators got to the chickens . Whatever my opinion on the matter , the chickens are here to stay . I even have to mess with them occasionally . Guess who takes care of them when Andrew is out of town ? Yep , that 'd be me . And guess who has to make sure their water misters get turned on every day during our scorching Texas summers ? Yep . Me again . I have to admit , I do like the fresh eggs , and producing our own food is pretty satisfying . |
So this is pretty much a story about the quarter - blood daughters of Percy and Annabeth having very rough lives . You may cry , but whenever I say this , no one ever does . So I don 't think anyone will cry . So I 've killed of a canon - character before and I 'm doing it again ! The daughters names are Vianna and Amberlynn . I 'll make their character pages in a little while . So here it is . TATN / Thalia ! 05 : 38 , March 17 , 2010 ( UTC ) It was a rainy afternoon . She was born peacefully . Annabeth had almost crushed my hand for the twelve hours she 'd been in labour but I was fine now . We were both nineteen , Annabeth and I . She cried after our daughter was born . She was sad . We were still so young . I furrowed my brows and tried to calm her . Remember , I 'm Percy . I suck at cheering people up . And I totally mean that . Whenever I try , they always end up crying more . I tried to tell her we 'd be great parents . She would grow up to be the finest daughter any one could ever ask for . " I 'm turning twenty in , like , I dunno about six months . We 'll be adults soon enough , Annabeth . " I coaxed , not wanting to abandon my first born child . " That 's the thing . We 're not married . I wanted to be married before she was born . But no . Percy , we can give her up for adoption . She 'll be loved and cared for by some woman who 's not lucky enough to have children of her own . " Annabeth sighed heavily . " Because we 're still adolescent teens . We 're not even close to adults . Or at least you aren 't intellectually . " I looked away , not wanting to show her how much that hurt me . We 'd been officially dating ( sometimes on and off ) for about three years , becoming four this summer . She was the only girl I knew that loved me and wasn 't related to me . We 'd had our fights . But hey , if you totally love someone , you 'll keep loving until the end of time . But apparently our child didn 't please her . I was angered by that . There was only one woman we knew who wasn 't allowed to have kids . Thalia . She even offered to be the adoptive mother of our daughter . Of course , she got kicked out of Artemis 's Hunters but didn 't seem to care too much . She named the kid Vianna . It meant alive in Latin . About three years later , we heard of Thalia 's wedding to Luke . They were a cute couple . The week after Thalia 's wedding , Annabeth announced she was pregnant again . We were both happy . You could just see the baby bump beginning to form underneath Annabeth 's newly tight shirt . " This time . . . " Annabeth started her promise . " I swear on the River Styx that we won 't give it up . " The nine months passed slowly and painfully . Annabeth vomited and was overall more sick than the last pregnancy . By around nine months , she 'd been bedridden for a week already . She 'd only been allowed to stand up to use the bath room . She 'd been less demanding but was still demanding . She was tired all he time . After our second daughter was born , Annabeth kept bleeding . They tried everything . I fulfilled her final wish as life left her body . All I had left of Annabeth Jackson was a baby girl . She didn 't even look like her mother . Annabeth Jackson was gone forever . I had tried bargaining with Hades but he told me to accept her death . It was hard to raise Amberlynn on formula . The house was empty without Annabeth . But it was like she lingered , like her presence hung over the house . Rumours of her death were whispers at Camp Half - Blood . My other half was gone forever . " Well , you two weren 't well behaved . So you don 't get ice - cream cones when you scream and yell and kick . " Mummy sternly told Amberlynn and I . When we got back to my house , Amberlynn sat on the swing set we had . But she didn 't play . She sat there and looked sad while I swung . I was older than her . I was almost six and she was almost three . We were as close as cousins . Even though we weren 't . We weren 't even related but we were best friends , sisters , and cousins at the same time . I told her everything I knew and we never even fought . I even told her where babies came from . My mummy and daddy had told me not long after my little brother Adam was born . " I nevah knew muh mummy . My daddy keep many pitchers of her , though . She was vehy pitty . I have her eyes , my daddy tezz me . But I have his dahk haih . He toll me once that my mummy 's dead . " Amberlynn muttered sadly . ( I never knew my mummy . My daddy keeps many pictures of her , though . She was very pretty . I have her eyes , my daddy tells me . But I have his dark hair . He told me once that my mummy 's dead . ) We were chatting and I was trying to console Amberlynn when Adam came into the backyard to play . He was the same age as Amber . His hair was black and his sin was paler that mine . His eyes were different shades of blue , one startling icy blue , the other deep and shiny like the sky after a storm . He looked a lot more like mummy than I did . I frowned as Amberlynn started to cry . She was too young to miss her mummy already and be what my mummy said was emotionally scarred . Amberlynn could be such a baby sometimes . When she didn 't get her way , she cried . I only cried when I was sad or lonely . I was lonely a lot . Most of the other kids in my grade one class thought I was weird . I had no friends in my class . Whenever we had to do partner work , the person who was my partner groaned and complained about it and did everything themselves while I watched . My mummy told me why . She said that the Greek gods were real and that she was a daughter of Zeus and daddy was a son of Hermes . I got what she was talking about right away . She told me that Percy was a son of Poseidon and Amberlynn 's mother had been a daughter of Athena . The bottom - line was that I just wanted to be loved . When I got home from staying with Aunty Thalia , daddy was home . I called out for him , wanting him to come pick me up like he would normally and give me a big kiss on the head . Instead , I heard a woman 's voice gasp . I saw daddy come out of the living room to see me . His clothes were all wrinkled and messy . His hair was tangled and he wiped something pinkish of his cheeks . " Daddy ! " I squealed . He look like he 'd just gotten home from work an hour ago . I wanted him to hug me . He bent down and picked me up . I frowned a little bit . This usually meant that I was in trouble . He sat me down on the couch . He pulled me onto his lap when he sat down . A woman peered at me from one of our other seats . She had reddish - brown hair and green eyes . Her hair was really curly . I like that kind of hair . She wore messy clothes like daddy but they weren 't work clothes . " Amber . This is Rachel . She 's daddy 's girlfriend . She 's going to often visit us and you should be nice to her . " Daddy instructed . I nodded . I knew what a girlfriend was . Vianna had told me . It meant two people who loved each other , but not as much as a mummy and daddy . Rachel smiled a fake smile at me . I could tell it was fake . It made me feel almost hurt inside . I was supposed to be nice to her . This was going in a bad direction . Just one week ago , our house had been full of presents and blue birthday cake . It 's been my seventh birthday . Vianna was the only girl there that had shown up on her own free - will . The other girls there were around the same age as me and in my class . I pleaded every day with my dad to let me go to Camp Half - blood , where he and my mother went . Maybe there I could go through old files and find my mothers . Maybe could find out more about her . Maybe I could escape having to be the flower girl at Dad and Rachel 's wedding . " Amberlynn , I meant when you were older . Not at age seven . You wouldn 't fit in at this age . The people there are like the big kids at your school . They pay you no attention . Besides , you wouldn 't be able to train . All the training weapons are much too big for a little girl like you . " Dad told me , the most serious look on his face . Dad looked like he 'd been expecting that . I started to cry , not wanting to be punished . Rachel looked down at me with a scowl . I sobbed a little bit . I ran off to my room . I sat on my bed . I took my favourite stuffed animal , Bubbles the fish , and hugged him tightly . Bubbles had been my father 's when he was a little boy . I could never picture my dad as a little boy . And only a few times had I seen a little boy . I went to an all girl 's elementary school . We had to wear uniforms with short skirts , knee high socks , Mary - Jane shoes , and button - up blouses . Sometimes on my way home from school , I could hear older boys shout a bad word to the older girls . Vianna had told me a lot of words so my vocabulary was bigger than most seven year old girls . When I 'd asked , she told me what the bad word meant . She said it was a woman who liked to try to have babies with many different men . Vianna gave me many different talks . She mostly gave me talks about what would happen if my dad got Rachel pregnant . I loathed the thought . I didn 't want any one , or thing , related to Rachel living with me . About another week later , it was time for Rachel and dad 's wedding . Rachel went off to the church first . I don 't know why they were getting married there . We didn 't even believe in God . We believed in the gods and goddesses of Olympus . But I guess it would please Mr . and Mrs . Dare , Rachel 's parents . Dad woke me up at eight AM and asked me if I wanted to do anything special with my straight black hair . I didn 't know that many thing to do with hair , so he gave me some suggestions . " What about curly pigtails ? " I asked . Dad smiled and helped me with my hair . Vianna arrived just after I 'd gotten my dress on . My dad said I looked really pretty . Vianna took me into our bathroom and asked me if I wanted a little bit of make - up on . I 'd never worn make - up before ! I trusted her because she told me she 'd put on a little bit of her mother 's . When she was finished , I looked in the mirror . I looked even better ! There was a light little hint of gold to my eyelids and more colour in my cheeks . She 'd put something on my eyelashes to make them longer and darker . She said dad wouldn 't notice . She then took a fake rose from our flower vase in the bathroom and snapped it so there was only a small stub of plastic . We had to use fake flowers because Rachel was allergic to flower pollen . Vianna took the rose and jabbed it into one of my pigtails . I didn 't even wince . She took another and did the same with the other pigtail . I looked ravishing , as Vianna put it . The wedding went slowly and I had to stand there all the time , holding a woven basket full of rose petals . Rachel looked pretty . But I would never say that aloud . After the wedding was the reception . We ate and chatted . Vianna and I sat with the bridesmaids and dad 's friends . We all sat at one long table . For one month after the wedding , I had to stay at Aunty Thalia 's . Dad had gone on a honeymoon with Rachel . And no little girls were allowed . Vianna told me about how her mum was pregnant again but couldn 't tell her dad yet . We both hoped for the baby to be a girl so we could play together . I told Vianna about how I didn 't want a sibling that was related to Rachel . Whenever my cousin and I told each other secrets , we had to chant out friendship chant . Our friendship chant was , ' mind - meld , mind - meld , mind - meld . ' Adam was part of our little group . We were one big group . No one could break us apart . Adam was the same age as me , a little older . He was born in July , I was born in August . When I got home from my stay at Aunty Thalia 's , Rachel announced she was going to have a baby . I pulled out my iPod shortly after Amberlynn left . She reminded me of the girls I knew at school who dyed their hair black and wore all black . I turned up the volume to my favourite song , Viva La Gloria , Little Girl . It was by Greenday off of an album that was released three or four years before my birth . It reminded me of Amberlynn . That is , when she 's older . Adam sat next to me on the ground , reading some book . He 'd only learned how to read a few years earlier . I had learned how to read very quickly , by about three years . I was already reading things like Wicked Lovely and My Sister The Vampire . I listened to songs at a really loud volume hat hurt my ears until my mum tore the ear - buds out of my ears and told me it was time for dinner . The next day , I returned to school after a long weekend . I was in grade five already . My teacher , Ms Kerr was evil . She was always wearing some form of leather jacket and had a Georgian accent . I always rolled my eyes as she called out my name , asking for an answer . I had ADHD and ADD and dyslexia from my parents so spelling was hard for me . I knew a lot of words and I remembered how to spell most of them but it could be hard . By the end of the school year , I was graduating to middle school . For most of the girls in my class , that was a small thing . But for me , it was huge . I had gotten through the school year without being killed by monsters . My parents made me take a Celestial bronze knife to school so I wouldn 't get killed . They said it was a copy of my aunt 's . Over the summer , my baby sister , May , was growing up . She looked more like dad . She had brown - ish hair and ice blue eyes . She had mum 's skin though . Freckles dotted her nose . Amberlynn 's twin half - brothers were born a few days before May . May was named after my grandma . I had never met my grandma . My dad rarely spoke of her and I don 't know why . I 'd always wanted to meet her but dad said no . During the summer , my parents wanted to talk to me . Mum looked like she 'd been crying . Dad looked serious . I felt out of place . I was worried . Adam walked in only to be shooed out . " What ? ! " I screamed . All my life , I 'd called them mum and dad . Now , I was supposed to call them Uncle Luke and Aunty Thalia ? I felt angry and sad at the same time . That 's why Amber and I looked so alike . We were sisters . Technically , Rachel was my step - mum and her twin boys were half - brothers . I ran to my room . I skipped dinner and hauled out my big hiking backpack . When everyone had gone to bed , I packed a few sandwiches , snacks , clothes , blankets and three two litre bottle of water . I took my teddy and knife and crawled out my first - storey window . It felt so good to be free . I was running free for once . I was only eleven and running away . By the time I got to Central Park , I lied down and slept on a pile of blankets . In the morning , I packed up and ran again . Farther , through traffic , away . The morning sunlight streamed through the windows of our room . I awoken by a shriek . I ran to the kids ' room to see Vianna 's empty bed . There was a note taped to her pillow . Her sheets were gone . Thalia was crying . Adam was already awake and asking what was wrong . He couldn 't seem to understand the note , I knew why after a minute . It was written in Ancient Greek . Thalia tried to read it to me but stumbled often . I took it and read it . It pretty much said that Vianna had run away and was never returning . The more angry and sad I got , the longer it took me to read it . I breathed through clenched . Adam looked up at me and furrowed his black eyebrows . I gave him a sad smile . Thalia looked up at me , her tears near black with mascara . I touched her shoulder . I hadn 't seen my cousin Vianna in a long time since after the twins ' birth . I was told by my father the day I got suspicious that she 'd run away . I known that was going to happen . I nodded off my sadness and went to my room . I hugged my fish - teddy Bubbles and almost cried . Vianna was my best friend . All the other girls at school thought I was weird . Vianna was really my only friend . I wanted her back . She was twelve and I was stuck at being seven . She was older and prettier than me . I had to find her . I knew where to look . That night when dad and Rachel were asleep , I packed my backpack full of non - perishable food that didn 't require cooking . I packed it with a few blankets , my knife that had belonged to my mother , and Bubbles . I was lucky I was still small . I pushed my bag through my bedroom window onto a huge shrub . After I 'd closed the window I crawled through the doggy door we had . It had been there when my mum and dad had bought the house and they couldn 't get rid of it . I found my backpack and ran towards Central Park . I had my mother 's keen sense of direction . And the water helped me . Poseidon was my grandpa . I arrived at Central Park by twelve o ' clock . I tried my best to find Vianna but the park was too big for me to search alone . I was walking alone in the darkness , my flash - light guiding the way . I was kind of scared of the dark . There was some form of hissing sound behind me . I turned slowly to see a satyr standing behind me . I ran with Kayla all along a weird place that seemed so familiar , but not in the eerie darkness . Finally , we came to a familiar looking cabin . It was on the Long Island Sound , Montauk . Dad had brought me here before . It was so nice . Kayla brought me into the cabin . In the room where my dad had used to sleep , Vianna was crashed . She was asleep and sprawled over the bed . She stirred and awoke to see Kayla and I . She almost screamed but stopped herself . Her eyes were wide . She loved being surprised to see me . She got out of bed and hugged me tightly . A few of her clothes were strewn across the room , jeans , t - shirts , sweatshirts , panties , and bras . It looked like she 'd been here for quite sometime . Kayla shrugged and walked out of the cabin . Vianna looked at me seriously . " We need to ditch her . " She whispered very softly . I could barely hear her . " There 's a back exit and she can 't run fast enough if you 're on my back . Sure she can follow our scent but not if we use the river . " I nodded . She quickly packed up and we ran out the back . The wind in my hair felt so nice . The cool nigh air gnawed at my cheeks , chin , and nose , turning them pink - ish . We ran across the slight current of the East River and got back to Manhattan a few moments later . Vianna ran with me until we got to an alleyway . There was nothing for a second until an older boy 's voice called out something in Ancient Greek . A boy emerged from the shadows . He had spiky brown hair with blonde streaks . His eyes could be seen even in the darkness , his eyes shone a lustrous shade of vivid green . When I say vivid , I mean , they were almost like cartoon eyes . He smiled when he saw me . His skin was very fair . He chuckled slightly . " So Vianna . Your sister ? " He asked , in an accent I didn 't know . Vianna nodded . " Hey , Amberlynn . " He crouched next to me . " I 'm Xerxes . I 'm from Greece . " Xerxes stood up . He pushed some of his short spiky hair out of his face . " Love , you know I 'll do anything for you . " He whispered . I walked around in the alleyway until I found a covered area with blankets underneath . I took my blankets out and lied them next to the ones that looked like Vianna 's . I fell asleep after a few moments . I had found somewhere safe . It was late afternoon by the time we got going again . I wouldn 't even admit it to Amber , but I had a huge crush on Xerxes . He called me ' love ' . I had asked him why once . He told me because he was used to talking to his mother , whom he always called love . Amber didn 't much fit in . She was like that stray puzzle piece that never found a home . I felt bad for her . She resented me for loving Xerxes . That night , we were roaming New York at night and trying to see what constellations we could . I found Orion , The Huntress , and the Big Dipper . Amber was too young to see what shapes they made . Thalia had taught me the constellations , being an ex - Hunter Of Artemis . Xerxes had even grabbed my hand . H smiled as he looked over at me . I knew he was a son of Zeus so I didn 't dare trust his body language . " Is it that hard to understand , Vianna ? " Xerxes asked me , sitting up and pulling me up with him . I knit my eyebrows together and looked confused until he kissed me . I kissed him back , happy he liked me too . I watched as Vianna and Xerxes swapped spit . I made gagging noises under my breath . Vianna looked clouded with dreaminess after the kiss . Xerxes smiled at her widely . I got up and started walking away . They started to follow me . I ran back to our little base and got ready for bed . I fell asleep crying softly . The next day , Xerxes told us he needed a sword and Vianna dared him to try and get a Stygian iron blade . Stygian iron is only available in the Underworld . We went to the doors of Orpheus and Vianna played her iPod really loud . We got to the Underworld and started looking . We checked Asphodel first , wanting to start out without any screams or swears . We didn 't find anything so we moved on to the Fields Of Punishment . We went through , me covering my ears . At first , everything seemed okay . Until Xerxes shouted something that I could barely make out through my covered ears . " Keres ! " He shouted as I slowly took my hands away . Xerxes doesn 't have a weapon and stayed between Vianna and I , who had knives . I got knife skill form my mother , I bet she did too . We deflected every shot and parried them but soon , Vianna cried out in pain . The Keres cackled and ran off . Vianna was on the ground , nearly in tears with pain . " Vianna ! " I yelled , running over to her . Xerxes was already trying to help her up but she screamed as he touched her wound , her right shoulder . It was not long after Amberlynn 's disappearance that I got worried . I mean , she 'd run away before but only for short periods of time . Not almost one month . Rachel seemed to not care . I missed my daughter . I wanted to see her dark hair and light eyes once more . Then , after I started to worry , Grover 's cousin , Kayla knocked on our door . She told us about something she 'd heard Vianna say . " She said something about a special place . I don 't know what she meant , but reading her emotions I found love , fear , and apprehensiveness . Vianna definitely has some secret she isn 't telling anyone . " Kayla told us , her brown eyebrows knit . " Oh no . " I muttered , letting my head fall into my hands . Maybe the secret she was keeping was that she was going to raise Kronos again . And the whole thing that had happened with Luke would happen again . Only this time , with my daughters . At first , the pain from the scratch of the Keres hadn 't been so unbearable . But as Amber and Xerxes made a makeshift stretcher out of blankets , it was burning . I kept screaming , possibly making a few residential people around here call nine - one - one . We were just off of the upper east side and had a long way on foot to get to Olympus . I tried to calm myself , to stay quiet . But since I 'm a Quarter - blood , not a half - blood , I have more mortal DNA . Therefore , decreasing my time of living if swiped by a Kere . Really , I wish I could tell you how I had some deep revelation , an epiphany , on my way to Olympus . That I had wished I hadn 't been so rude to my enemies , that I 'd had no enemies in the first place . Or that I 'd actually seen my mother , at least once , and gotten a big hug from her . And that at least for one night , I had gone to bed with my father in the other room , and my sister and I sharing a bunk - bed . But I 'd be lying . My only thoughts were , Ouch . Ouch . Don 't scream . Don 't scream . . . Oh hey , I 'm biting my tongue so hard it 's bleeding ! Think of something comfy , something you like . . . Chocolate . . . DANGIT ! It 's not working ! Fuuuuuu - . . . . I stayed in quiet , tasting the fresh blood in my mouth . By the time we arrived at the Empire Sate building , my breathing was slowing . My heart started to skip beats every couple of minutes . Then , every two minutes . Every minute . Until it was a slow rhythm . My breathing became slow steady pants . When we got into the building , the guy at the head desk asked us something and Xerxes replied . Amber called out something but I couldn 't make out anything . I started to feel cold , then a warm blanket wrapped around me . Well , not really , but you get the idea . I felt warm again . The warmth made my eyelids droop . I started to close them and forgot about the pain . We entered Olympus , probably a few minutes of my life remaining . I closed my eyes and saw a light at the end of a dark tunnel . Then , I was on a cold hard floor , on my bloody blanket . I didn 't open my eyes , the things I saw were too nice . They changed into the most neutral place possible . There were people whispering amongst themselves so low I couldn 't hear them . They were kind of see through and grey . Then it changed again , this time , people rolling boulders up steep hills just for it to roll back down as soon as it had almost reached the top . People were drowning over and over again , running through cactus patches , and almost worst of all , listening to opera music with their hands and feet clamped so they couldn 't cover their ears . I tried to wake myself but found it almost impossible . I could feel my life ticking away with every heartbeat . The dream switched back to Asphodel , the neutral one . I soon found myself materializing in a long line of other people like me . But I still held some life . I had to protect Amberlynn , tell her we were sisters . Just before I was fully there , I felt a spring of life . I couldn 't see , couldn 't hear . But I could tell I wasn 't dead . We called for Apollo . Instead , we got Poseidon . Just as life was nearly gone from Vianna , he turned her into sea coral . It was nice of him . She was now in the waters of Camp - Half - blood . I bowed before my grandfather . He told me to stand , he hated that kind of thing . I stood awkwardly and walked away to cry . I left Olympus without anyone . Xerxes chased after me after a few seconds . I skulked off , towards where I thought was Camp . It was near Montauk and I knew my way to Montauk . I left Xerxes behind me , not listening to him . I tried to forget the pain but it gnawed at my heart , finally forcing me to break down into tears . Where do you go with your broken heart in tow ? What do you do with the leftover you ? And how does one know just when to let go ? Where does all the good in the gods go ? I had the answer to all of these questions . One , you go to Camp Half - Blood and pretend to be normal like everyone else . Two , you forget about it and move on with life . Three , when you start obsessing and losing your mind over practically nothing . Four , when you 're me , there is no good in the gods . I was sixteen years old now . I was wearing black clothing and dark lipstick . I had mascara and heavy eye - liner on . I was wearing a pair of black leggings and my dark - colourful dress . It was about down to my thighs . Xerxes stayed in the Zeus cabin and Vianna remained a piece of coral . Today , I received a letter from my father . Yes , my father . He told me to come home when summer was over . He told me he loved me . I knew it was too good to be true but I went any ways . Today had been the end of summer . I got driven near my home by Argus . It looked the same . A small garden in the flower boxes underneath the windows , a small driveway and front lawn , and the same old two story house I 'd been born in . I opened the door , my duffel bag slung over my shoulder . Dad was in the living room . By now he was what ? Thirty - seven . He looked younger though . His dark hair was still messy as usual , but still short . His eyes were green as seaweed . Rachel walked in , wearing jeans and a green t - shirt . Her hair was long and curly . Her eyes were green too , like dad 's . But she had this fake smile that made anger and hate flare up . " You came back ! " Dad hugged me tightly . The twins ' , Brendan and Mackenzie , were sitting on the couch , watching TV . They were nine years old . I thought about how much I had missed and almost felt like crying . They looked doubtful but shrugged and turned back to the TV . I spent a while at my real house , then I went to tell the horrible news to Luke and Thalia , the adoptive parents of Vianna . When I stepped foot inside the house , a boy around my age gave me a bear hug . It was Adam , V - I mean , aunt Thalia and uncle Luke 's kid . There was another girl in the house as well , probably around ten years old , appeared behind Adam . " Amber ! " Adam pulled back from the bear hug . " I 'm glad to see you again . How come it 's been so long ? And where 's Vi ? " I murmured a thank you and headed for the kitchen . They had a nice house , small but not too small . I came across Luke and Thalia in the kitchen , whispering to each other . They didn 't notice me until I cleared my throat loudly . They jumped and looked at me . Smiles were now plastered on their once serious faces . " Vianna is technically still alive ! " I protested . " She was just turned into coral . . . Because she was dying . . . Hey , look on the bright side , she 's alive ! " Thalia looked away , tears rolling down her cheeks . I wasn 't crying at all . I never cried over my sister 's death any more . She was gone and that was fate . There was no other way to describe it . There was no way to put it lightly either . Luke comforted Thalia as I leaned against the wall , taking in the fact that I was here . When I got home , it was seven . I hadn 't eaten dinner and had no intent of doing so . I just took a shower , read for a really long time , and went to bed . I felt a familiar ache as I pulled the blankets over myself . The ache of loneliness . It all happened so quickly . One second I could feel myself dying , the next I was a piece of coral that often cut campers ' feet . Then , after about five seconds , I was sputtering walking out of the water . I spat some of the lake water onto the sand and looked around . The light of summer kept me warm but hurt my eyes . I stood on shaky legs . I think I was about a foot taller than before . My breathing was even , like I 'd just woken up . Xerxes looked utterly confused . He hugged me back though , tightly . I asked him about Amber and he told me she 'd gone home . I thanked him and told him I 'd be back later . I ran off , outside the camp barriers . Hey , if everyone - except one - thought you were still a piece of coral at the bottom of the lake , you didn 't have to tell them you were leaving . I ran over the property line and tried to remember where I had used to visit . It was about a block away from my old house . I caught a bus to around the block bus stop and got out . The fresh air felt nice on my face . I ran to the blue house that Amberlynn lived in . I couldn 't wait to get to it . I ran as fast as my feet could carry me . When I had found my forever lost home , I knocked quickly on the door . I heard a teen girl 's voice yell that she was getting it . My heart pumped . It was Amber . I hadn 't seen her in so long . " Amber ? It 's Vi . I 'm back . " I told her . Her eyes widened and she opened the screen door quickly . I hugged her tightly . We talked forever and ever about how she 'd been and her life . She said that she had become Goth because I hadn 't been there . I felt guilty , for letting myself die like that and scarring a seven year old into becoming Gothic . She didn 't cry . As soon as Per - dad - heard us talking , he came in to investigate . His mouth hung open for a minute and his eyes bugged out . He cried as he hugged me and murmured my name . I 'd nearly forgotten he was my real father . I spent the night at my real home and met my half - brothers , Mackenzie and Brendan . They were both super adorable ! Their hair was a weird shade of dark brown and a hint of red . They had green eyes and were overall really cute . One night turned into one week . One week into one month . After a while , Amber told me she needed to tell me something . She sat on my bed next to me . I was happy for Amberlynn . This was like the first good thing that had ever happened to her . I had a feeling in my gut though . A feeling of distrust . A feeling that told me to tell my sister to not believe this guy . To not trust him . Because he would hurt her . It was my tenth date with Todd . He was Goth as well . We were both decked out all in black . I was in love with him . We 'd kissed and I was sure we were a perfect couple . I snuggled into his arms as we listened to the beach 's waves . He told me about how he was just going to school here in New York . He really lived in Miami on a seaside mansion . I longed to see it but he told me to come with him to his apartment . Todd lived with his older brother , Marcus , who was in college and had a job and let Todd stay with him . When we got into his room , he kept assuring me that no one was home . I believed him and we sat by the fire , warming ourselves . He put his arm over my shoulder and grabbed my hand . This was normal for him . The next thing he did wasn 't . He pulled me onto his lap so that our legs made a massive plus sign , if you looked at it from a bird 's eye view . My boyfriend pulled my body close to his and I had no where else to put my hands other than on his shoulders . As I was tugged closer to him , my hands were forced to go down and rest on his back . I gulped . He had never done this before and I was getting nervous . He pulled me backward a bit and kissed me . It was a long kiss . He pulled back and saw my worried expression . The night got better in a way . But it was way worse too . Something had happened that I planned to never ever tell my parents or even mention to them . It was . . . beautiful but horrible . One of those bittersweet things , if you know what I mean . We giggled about it and promised each other to keep it secret . It wasn 't hilarious but it was a nice little funny secret to keep . Everyone has them , whether it be about a crush or having stolen something once . About an hour later , I was home , in the shower . I was in my bed by an hour and a half . Vianna hadn 't questioned my actions after I 'd gotten home . I was too scared to tell anyone . For the next month I felt detached from everything . I was numb . Like the world was surreal and all a dream . When I went to bed each night , I had the same nightmare of that hellish night . I had a tough time remembering the really important parts though . I avoided places that Todd had taken me to . Like , the beach or around his apartment . I even avoided the one diner he 'd taken me to . I avoided any of my friends , including Naomi . She called to check up on me very often . I had finally confided in Vi . She told me to get a pregnancy test and take it to see if I was pregnant . Now my life sucks even more . I am pregnant . For the next few weeks , I tried to talk to Todd but he never talked to me . He only looked away and stayed silent . He was ignoring me for some odd reason and I hadn 't a clue why . He even shot the occasional glare my way . It hurt , it really hurt . I thought he loved me . When Amberlynn told me that she was pregnant , we both cried . She blubbered about how it had been a bad night , they were illegitimate children . Why was she saying children and not child ? She was probably just in so much grief that she forgot proper grammar . I felt sorry for her . She was only sixteen and I was seventeen ( I had aged as coral but just not as fast ) . Amber wept for a long time until she cried herself to sleep . Imagine watching a kitten slowly die . That 's what it 's like to see your sister - who was already emotionally scarred before - weeping because of illegitimate children . I mean , for Zeus 's sake , she 'd been unable to control the situation ! That was not fair ! In the morning , I suggested an abortion to her . She shook her head , her eyes wide with disbelief . " I made a promise as soon as I hit puberty . " Amber explained . " The promise was to never ever get an abortion no matter what . I don 't judge those that do , I just don 't think it fair to terminate an unborn fetus 's life . I mean , it 's not the kid 's fault . " A week passed and she told me she needed help telling dad and Rachel . They would kill her . I gathered up the family , got them sitting and calm , and told Amber to come in . Dad looked awfully suspicious . Amber sat on the coffee table . Rachel glared at her for such rudeness but Amber deflected the stare . " Dad , Rachel . . . I need to tell you something really important . " Amberlynn started . " Ugh , how do I do this , Vi ? " She whispered to me . " That 's it ! You 've been an evil child enough ! " Rachel hissed . " Go pack your bags and never return to this house again ! " Amber looked mortified . She looked like she 'd rather be anywhere but here . Any where . Her lower lip started to quiver as she looked down . I wanted to slap Rachel hard . I glared at her and objected . She asked for a name , the guy who 'd hurt her . I didn 't know . The room fell completely silent . Amberlynn looked up , heavily lined eyes misted . She glared hard at Rachel and spoke in a monotone . " Todd Hewitt . " She growled . She told everything she knew about him . By the end , she was crying . I had to hug her . Dad looked apologetic of Rachel . " Sweetheart . " Dad cooed to Amberlynn . " I know it 's tough but you 'll be okay . Everything will turn out all right in the end . I promise . " He grabbed Amber 's head with one hand and pulled it into his chest . He kissed her forehead and hugged her . I knew dad was probably lying , just trying to help her get through this all . I was now six months pregnant . I had gone back to camp , as it was now summer time . My friend , Lianna , a daughter of Poseidon , was surprised to find out I was pregnant . She told me she was happy for me but upset that I 'd been hurt . It had been shocking for me a while ago , at my first ultrasound , when they 'd announced that I was having triplets . They congratulated me and let me use their bathroom . Vianna was going to be the babysitter for my children while I was at school . She was a year - round camper . We 'd often talk about what I was going to name my children . I knew that the first girl I had was going to have some tomboyish name . Like , Robyn or Riley . I knew that the first son I had was going to be named Keenan . No doubt about that . The best part was , I had no partner to argue over names with . But I did have to pick out six names . We talked then , about how many kids there could be of each gender . And , for a while , I forgot about my worries and horrible emotional woes . Alas , the summer passed quickly and back came the school year . I was nearly seventeen now . Just a few more days . When I got back to school , there was a shock so horrid , it scared me half to death . Todd stood in the hallway . Right beside my locker , waiting for me . " Amberlynn . " He smiled at me as if I were an old friend he hadn 't seen all summer . " I should tell you before the crowds come . I am a son of Apollo . Just so you know . That is all . Have fun with the kids ! " I nearly fainted . I had to hold onto the locker for support . I gulped and took a lot of deep breaths . After a few minutes , I felt a tap on my shoulder . Adam Castellan , Luke and Thalia 's kid was standing behind me . He was taller than me and older than me by a week . He had dark hair and his father 's eyes . When we were younger , he 'd been nothing more than adorable . Now he was quite handsome . " Ummm . . . Last winter , around January , I was hurt . It turns out that the one - night stand has led to my being pregnant with triplets . " I explained . Adam laughed . He was a really good friend of mine . He was my adoptive cousin . But really , dad had adopted Vianna so he wasn 't any more . We just acted kind of like cousins . The bell rang and I went to class . I felt on of the babies kick my tummy and I put my hand over my stomach , gently cradling my huge bump . It would all be over after I squeezed three watermelons out of myself in about a month . It sounded like so much fun . With two weeks until Amber 's due date , we were all prepared for a quick drive to the hospital . I kept in touch with Xerxes who was still at camp . One day though , I was cooking dinner and Amberlynn answered the door when it rang . I heard a familiar voice but kept chopping veggies . I was dumping them into the stew when Xerxes walked in and put his hands on my shoulders . I gasped a little and spun around . Xerxes had an innocent look on his face . Xerxes nodded . I told him I 'd ask Amber to watch it for me and told him to wait while I got ready . It was to be fancy so I wanted to dress slightly fancy . It took me about a half hour but I finally got ready . I wore a red skirt over - top of black and white stripped leggings . My shirt , a form - fitting laced - sleeved white dressy one , was very minimally too small . I put on some black heels and a bit of make - up . When I emerged from my room , Xerxes almost wolf - whistled . He looked into my red - accented green eyes and we left . The date was amazing . He took us to a fancy restaurant and we danced our way home . When we arrived home , I found our house surrounded by fire - trucks and other emergency vehicles . I was scared . I tore off my heels and ran towards home . The sirens blared against my ears and the lights made me dizzy . Amberlynn was standing looking either pleased or sad . I ran up to her . She breathed a sigh of relief and hugged me . Well , it wasn 't her who 'd gotten in trouble . But dad was crying . So were Brendan and Mackenzie . I hugged her tightly . At least as tightly as you can a pregnant girl . Amber nodded and we hugged again . Everything was turning out okay . I mean , I had Xerxes to keep me company , Amber was getting happier , and Rachel was gone . The evening after Rachel 's death was cold . I had to go out to buy a bag of chips and a few other groceries . The kids were supposed to come really soon . I bought the items and started walking home , carrying my items and thinking about how the children would look . I was turning down a short - cut alleyway to home . There was a familiar growl . I spun to see Todd leaned against the shadows , hair glistening black , eyes glowing hazel . His leather smelt of cigarette smoke . He squeezed an tossed me to the damp , cold , hard concrete ground . I groaned in pain . He punched me in the face and kicked my legs . I tried to scream but he covered my mouth and punched me in the head . I started to cry . He picked me up off the ground , held my hand and came close to me . So close , I could smell the alcohol and cigarettes on his breath . Todd caressed my cheek and held my hand . " Have I convinced you yet , love ? " He murmured sweetly . I leaned my head down , dark hair making a thick veil around my face . I nodded sadly , promising myself I would keep my babies . He left me alone in the dark alleyway . I ran home after gathering up my groceries again . When I got home I went to look at myself in the mirror . I looked like I 'd just gotten beaten up . I changed and put on heavy make - up to cover up the nightmarish memories . When I finished unpacking the groceries , I felt like I 'd peed myself . I sighed and went to change but doubled over in pain . I was going into labour . Hours later , I 'd given birth to all three . Two boys and one girl . Vianna had kept congratulating me . I smiled and fell asleep . The next time I awoke , the sun streamed through the hospital curtains . I was in the same room but with changed sheets . Vi stood next to me , holding a bundle of cloth . She cooed to it as it made baby noises back at her . I saw a pink toque on her head . It was my baby Robyn . The first one was definitely Keenan . The second boy was Riley . Riley Justin Jackson . All of them were adorable . Adam and dad kept on telling me how well I did . All I really wanted was a shower . Seriously . I was sweaty and bloody . For weeks I lived happily . No interruptions of hatred and sadness . The Fates were finally smiling upon me . 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Leaning back in his chair by his desk , Ben Cartwright frowned as he thought about that morning 's conversation with his youngest son . He had thought that when Adam got his own ranch , things would settle down on the Ponderosa . Joe got more responsibility and Adam had his independence . Both men were able to make decisions and direct important projects , but somehow they were still at odds on occasion . Joe thought that Adam should be helping more on the Ponderosa and Adam 's priority was his ranch , Whispering Pines . " Joseph , it is a perfectly fine name for a ranch and it gives them a brand that is nearly impossible for rustlers to run . We might even think about altering our brand the way we 've been losing stock this year . Lately we 've seen losses that are threatening our bottom line . " " Pa , I know , but no matter what we do , we can 't seem to track them down . They seem to take only a few at a time from each ranch so they don 't leave enough tracks for us to follow them . Their tracks are mixed in with so many other tracks it 's impossible to ever find anything . With Hoss tracking , we should have been able to come up with something , but we got nothing . Now if Adam would come over and bring Morgan and Mason , we might be able to get somewhere . " Ben had sighed deeply . It was nothing new . It seemed that whenever Adam and Joe got near each other , they found something about which to argue . He knew he had to ask , but he was beginning to feel like he was dealing with school age boys instead of his adult sons . " What was it this time ? " Sitting on the corner of his father 's desk , Joe had stared at the floor and remembered that encounter in town . He had not wanted it to go so badly and wondered too why each time he saw Adam , it seemed that his temper flared and made the conversation between them become angry . He had been in town to send a few messages and deposit a bank draft . He had been feeling good about things and saw Adam stop at the dressmaker 's shop . He smiled as he saw Adam climb out of the carriage and help Irae step down . Adam reached into the carriage for Lake and leaned down to place his son into his wife 's arms kissing her as he did so . Joe felt a pang of jealousy then seeing his oldest brother so happy with his family . Adam was wearing a yellow shirt because Irae had tired of the all black attire and had made some yellow and red shirts for Adam to wear . Now he stood out even more when he arrived in town with his half - Paiute wife and new son , Lake , drawing even more attention to them . Some people were openly friendly and waved , but there were still some who were hostile or a bit unfriendly because the eldest of the Cartwright sons had spurned the other eligible ladies of Virginia City to marry a woman that many considered beneath him . It irritated the whole family that people still thought like that , but they couldn 't change what was in people 's hearts and minds . They loved Irae and Lake so that was all that mattered . Once Adam came out of the dress shop , Joe called to him and Adam smiled and walked across the street to join him at the telegraph office . " Hey , Adam , what you doing in town ? I thought you said you were too busy on your ranch to do anything ? " Joe 's mixed feelings about Adam were clear in his question even if he wasn 't completely aware of it . The challenge in the greeting wasn 't lost on Adam , but he did his best to ignore it . " Even a busy rancher needs supplies and Irae wanted to get some things done while I got supplies and ran errands . I could ask the same of you but I assume because you 're at the telegraph office that you have messages to send . I do too . " " Yeah , Pa put me in charge of that big Army contract . I have to have fifty horses ready by the end of the month . It 's a big opportunity but a big chance to ruin things too if I fail . I could sure use your help and Morgan and Mason too this month as much as you can help me . " " I 'll do what I can , Joe , but we 're right in the middle of some big projects too . We need to get things done so that we can work through the winter to finish things off . By next spring , we want to advertise that we have an indoor show ring for our horses so that people know that they can come regardless of the weather . We also want to have the guest quarters set up so that we don 't have to house strangers in our home . It 's too far from town to necessarily expect people to traipse back and forth in bad weather especially , but we don 't want them in the house and the bunkhouse isn 't appropriate . It 's close enough to accommodate guests for the Ponderosa as well if needed . " " No , we would expect to prepare meals for them in our house . But you gave me a great idea for a small improvement to my plan . We should probably put in a small cabinet for items like a coffee pot , teapot , and then the things they would need for tea and coffee . There 's plenty of room for that in the parlor and there 's already a small stove there as well as a fireplace in the bedroom . Or there will be once we finish framing them up and get the roof on and the walls on . So far it 's just the floor and some of the framing . Most of the work was on finishing up the stable expansion and the show ring so that we could finish the interior work on that this winter . " " Yes , that 's the next project . Those go up fast so as soon as the bungalow is framed up and roofed , we 'll head out to the pastures and frame up the hay barns and get a roof on them . Once the hay is inside , we 'll put the walls up . Most of the end walls will be removable so that it will be easier to fill the barns each fall . Drive the hay wagons in , empty them and drive out the other end . There won 't be a floor so that makes them rather easy to build . No cornerstones to set and no leveling for the floor . " For some reason , it irritated Joe that Adam seemed to have everything under control in his realm of responsibility because Joe was feeling a bit frazzled in his . He had rustlers to find , a challenging contract to complete , and still had all the other duties on the Ponderosa to complete . Some days he didn 't know where he would find the time to complete all the jobs that seemed to be piling up . He thought Adam should be doing more to help because he was one of the three brothers who stood to inherit the Ponderosa but Adam seemed to be mostly focused on his ranch that he got through his marriage to Irae . " In a few weeks , they could have a few hundred more Ponderosa cattle but that doesn 't matter to you , does it . You only seem to care about your ranch . Our ranch doesn 't seem to matter to you any more . " With his lips pursed tightly and his eyebrows drawing together , it was clear to anyone that Adam was doing his best to hold his temper . " Joe , I am doing what I agreed to do on the Ponderosa . I am managing the timber and lumber operations , the investments , and and helping with the cattle , contracts , and other things as Pa asks me to help . He asked for the hay barns and I 'm doing that . He didn 't ask for anything more . Now if you want more help , you should probably talk with Pa about that and see what you should do . Have you hired more men ? " " Yeah , I did . I hired two men who said you let them go for no reason . They said you didn 't like their attitude and let them go for that . I need men who can break horses and they have experience doing that . " With a nod , Joe agreed but explained too . " I 've played cards with them . They don 't cheat at cards and they 're friendly with everyone . They 've worked on a lot of ranches in the area breaking horses . They 're hard workers and know what they 're doing . It 's not a job that keeps you working on a ranch for long , but nobody seems to have a bad word to say about them except you . " " Joe , they were places they weren 't supposed to be too often . It was suspicious behavior and they never had a good explanation . I could let it go once and then twice but it was nearly every day . I let them go at the end of the week . I didn 't need that kind of aggravation . I wondered what they were up to , and I still don 't know . If you decide to keep them on , just watch them . There 's something going on with those two and you need to keep an eye on them . " " I 'm not going to be like you . You 're always so suspicious of everyone especially anyone younger than you who likes to have some fun . I trust them until they give me a reason not to . Just walking around is not enough reason not to trust a man . Jeez , Adam , you 're getting to be an old woman . " That was enough for Adam who turned and walked away without saying another word . He had tried to talk to Joe in a reasonable manner , but lately he couldn 't say anything without somehow irritating his younger brother . He knew he tended to talk to Joe like a father would but he had tried to curb that as much as he could . He also knew he was sarcastic and tried to hold back on that . He wasn 't entirely successful on either one , but he didn 't think he had been too overbearing or too sarcastic to warrant the negative reaction he was getting from his youngest brother . He was ready to explode and knew that the two of them were getting close to one of their epic arguments that were likely to get physical . Joe had repeated most of his conversation with Adam for his father without the insults , but Ben knew his impulsive hot - tempered youngest son well . He had a very good idea why Adam would have walked away like that . He sighed and wondered if he should ride over to Adam 's ranch to have a talk with him and try to smooth things over . After lunch would likely be a good time . He could use the excuse that he wanted to see the progress Adam had made on his new show ring and stable as well as the planned bungalow , and he never missed a chance to see his grandson either . Walking around would give him time to talk with his eldest son and perhaps find a way to smooth things over . He didn 't know why Joe was so on edge but he suspected he knew that he was partly responsible for it , but Adam was being targeted instead . He wasn 't sure why , but perhaps they could talk about that too . Speaking very softly so as not to wake her son , Irae addressed Ben who walked up the porch steps to see his grandson . " I 'm glad you 're here . Perhaps you can calm Adam down before he hurts himself . He 's been like that ever since we were in town . I didn 't have to ask him who he was talking to . Just the way he acted let me know that he was talking with Joe again . There is no one who can get under his skin like that except Joe . I don 't know what is going on with those two , but if something doesn 't change soon , there 's going to be a fight . " " I 'll do what I can . I suspected as much after what Joe told me . I 'll go see if he 'll give me a tour of the new stable and show ring . That should help . " " Could you hold the door open for me ? I want to get Lake in for his nap . " Ben held the door for Irae who pushed up on her toes to give him a quick kiss on the cheek for luck . He smiled at her as she turned to go into the house . He loved her as a daughter . He had some reservations when Adam first started courting her , but she was so good for his son that he had long ago decided that there was no one better for Adam than Irae . She had looked a bit pale lately and he hoped that the tension between Adam and Joe wasn 't causing her any distress . He turned to walk to the bungalow site where Adam was hard at work and hadn 't even noted his arrival . Surprised , Adam nearly hit himself with the hammer but held up in time . He turned to see his father , and it was clear that his mood hadn 't improved much since he had left Joe outside the telegraph office that morning . " I thought Joe said that everyone on the Ponderosa was too busy to do anything else . " " He may have overstated his case a bit . He 's feeling a bit overwhelmed with everything he has to do right now . That 's my fault . But I don 't know how else to hand off responsibility to him other than to hand it off to him . He wanted it , but that Army contract came at a bad time . We already had a lot to do , and then this problem with rustlers is the worst we 've had in years . They 're a clever bunch taking only a few at a time so they 're extremely hard to track . " " It shouldn 't be that hard . Maybe I could come over tomorrow morning and we could map out where they 've been taking the cattle . We could probably figure out the pattern . Once we do that , it makes the tracking a lot easier because it narrows down the possibilities . " " Pa , it 's so hard for me to talk with Joe . He throws things at me that make me angry so that I don 't even want to talk reasonably with him . I know I should so you don 't have to look at me like that , but we 've got a long history of this . When he starts off a conversation with one of those loaded comments , it gets my back up , and it usually doesn 't go well right from there . " " Yes , I admit it , but I 'm usually trying to be funny in my way . Most men don 't react the way Joe does , and I 've tried to curb it with him , but I admit I 'm not always so successful with that . But if you 're the one who loaded the work on him , why is he always so ready to take his frustration out on me ? " Even as Adam voiced the question , he knew the answer . " I 've always been kind of like a second father to him whether he liked it or not . I 've been the one to help him out of jams and give him advice or ideas when he needed them . Now when he needs me the most , I 'm telling him I 'm too busy . " Ben shook his head , and Adam at first wondered if his father was going to disagree with him . " When I rode over here , I was hoping we could discuss that issue and perhaps come up with some ideas , but you are a very smart man . I think you just explained the whole thing . Now if you could come up with a solution , I could sleep a whole lot better tonight . " " With the price of silver up , it 's very hard to hire any workers . I 'll see what I can do . If I can get a few men to help with construction , then Morgan and Mason can help Joe and probably help with tracking those rustlers too . That should help with his workload and his mood . " " Yes , it should . Thank you . Now , how about a tour of that show ring and your stable expansion ? I know it 's not done , but I 'd like to see how you managed to frame it in without putting any support poles down into the floor . Hoss says it 's all done with beams up above and according to him it 's ' real purty ' too . " An hour later , Ben was riding home , and Irae walked out to the bungalow as Adam returned to work . She walked up to Adam and wrapped her arms around his waist from behind . He turned to her and she was pleased at how relaxed he was as he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her . " Yes , I think I understand better what 's going on with Joe . I 'll head over there tomorrow morning and see if I can try to smooth things over . I 'll need to ride to town again tomorrow to see if I can hire a few men . If I can 't , I may need to ride to Carson City the day after that . " So Adam explained the whole conversation he had had with his father and the solution they had talked about . She agreed that it was probably the best idea . That evening , Adam was in a more relaxed mood , and when they were getting into bed , Irae asked him if he thought they should have another child . " It 's rather soon , isn 't it ? Lake is just starting to hang onto furniture and stand up . I 'd like him to be walking and doing a few things for himself before we think about having another child . " With no resistance and a lot of cooperation with his idea , Adam reached for her then in the bed and showed her that he adored her as much as he always had as she mirrored the same , and the two fell asleep as they did most nights wrapped in each other 's arms after making love . In the morning , Adam saddled up his horse to ride to the Ponderosa , hugged and kissed his wife and son , and rode away with a wave . Irae smiled as she watched him . Her mother turned from putting some of the breakfast items away . " Tonight . I was going to tell him last night , but it wasn 't a good time . If he works things out about Joe , he 'll be in a better mood and that will be a better time to tell him . " " He may not be in favor , but he was part of the process . He 'll understand . Things like this happen no matter how carefully a man and a woman may be . Now , smile . You can tell him tonight . You feed Lake early and I 'll take him in my room so that you and Adam can have a romantic dinner with just the two of you . He 'll know then that you want to talk to him about something . " " He should be back by lunchtime . He said he would probably be making a trip to town after he got back from the Ponderosa . I 'll tell him then that I 'm making a special dinner for the two of us . " " Yes , I can certainly do that . Lake and I can play with his new blocks for a bit while you gather what you need . He 's starting to get the hang of holding them but all he wants to do is chew on them or drop them so I can pick them up . Although he does like to knock them over when I stack them . Adam taught him that . Take your time . We 'll have some fun while you plan your dinner . " " Adam , I was way out of line with what I said . I was unfair . I was feeling overwhelmed with what I had to do and I took it out on you . That was very unfair . " Joe did suggest that perhaps Trace and Davis had only been curious about working on a new place especially one where so many new things were being built , and Adam did admit that was a possibility letting Joe save some face with that compromise . Hoss and Joe agreed to keep an eye on the two as new hands who had not proven that they were trustworthy . As far as Ben was concerned , that issue was resolved as far as it needed to be . The four men sat down with a map then and found that most of the stock they had lost was along the eastern and northern boundary lines . That made sense if the stock was being taken north toward Reno and then across into California . Joe was surprised . " Adam , I never would have thought of doing this . When we put it all on the map , it makes a lot of sense . Now we know exactly where to look . There are only about a half dozen ways they could be taking those cows off the ranch without being seen . We need some good trackers to check out those six places and sooner than later , we 're going to find a trail and get after them . We don 't know how many they are though because they 've been hitting a lot of ranches . We may need a posse . " " Yes , it may not work out , but I will try to hire some men to help with the construction projects . If I can find some , I 'll be able to spare Morgan and Mason to help with the tracking . I 'm heading to Virginia City today to see if there are any men available but with the mines hiring , that may not work out . I 'll give Carson City a try before I give up though . " " Adam , some of the homesteaders might be looking for work ifn they got their crops in or ifn they got enough help on their farm to get the crop in without ' em . Some of ' em got boys old enough to hire out too . You might have better luck there than in town . " " You 're right , Hoss . Maybe I ought to try there first . Those homesteaders aren 't afraid of some hard work and a dollar a day for wages with room and board might look very good to them . I 'm afraid that the workers I might get in town who haven 't been hired at the mines would be the bottom of the barrel . But with the homesteaders , I could get some very good workers . Most of them won 't hire out to the mines . " " Yes , Pa , I am . And Adam , thank you . I should have asked for your help in a lot nicer way , and I am grateful that you came over here to find a way to help me out even though I let you know I was in over my head only by making you mad . " " Joe , don 't worry about it . We 're brothers . We take care of each other . Now , I told Irae I 'd be home for lunch so I best be going . Hoss , you got a minute ? " " No , I don 't . Hoss , there was something going on with those two . Keep a real close eye on them . Somehow , I wouldn 't be surprised at all if our rustlers and Trace and Davis knew each other very well . " " They 've worked every ranch in the area , and those rustlers seem to know how to get into every ranch in the area without being seen and get out just the same way . Seems they 've got inside information . It makes too much sense not to consider the possibility . Just keep a close eye on them . " " Will do , older brother . I trust your gut . You be careful , now . Ifn they think you might be onto them , they might think you could be a problem for them . " Riding out , Adam never saw the two men watching from the side of the bunkhouse . They had heard enough to know they needed to watch him . They waited for Hoss to go back inside and then mounted up to follow Adam at a distance wondering where he was going . He went home to tell Irae where he was going . The two waited in the trees near Adam 's home because they saw his horse tied near his house instead of being stabled . It was clear he wasn 't done with riding for the day . Inside the house , Adam was talking with his wife who shared her ideas of what Adam had learned . " I agree with Hoss . You should trust your gut feeling . Those men are probably part of the gang who have been rustling cattle . I was glad when you fired them and I wish they weren 't on the Ponderosa . It 's too close . " Noticing the pie cooling on the counter and the tablecloth and fine china on next to it , Adam smiled as all thoughts of rustlers and untrustworthy hands disappeared . " Are we having a special dinner tonight ? " He moved close to his wife and looked around realizing that Lake wasn 't in his customary spot for lunch either . He wrapped his arms around Irae and pulled her close nuzzling her neck . " Adam , Mama could walk in here at any minute with Lake . He had his lunch but she 'll bring him in here to see you before he goes down for his nap . Now behave yourself . " He grinned that lecherous but wholly charming grin of his and she had to laugh . He sat at the table then , which was lucky because Martha walked in with Lake and the tablecloth hid what would have been all too obvious otherwise . Adam took Lake and hugged him . Lake did his usual which was to hold Adam 's cheeks in his hands and kiss his father 's nose . Adam always made a silly face when he did that and Lake dissolved into giggles . They played that game for several minutes until the little boy was nearly exhausted by the laughter . Martha took him back then and he waved as he went up the stairs with his grandmother rubbing his eyes because he was so tired . " Yes , Mama played with him all morning so that I could bake a pie and fix some of your favorite foods . I wanted to fix a special dinner for you . I haven 't done that in a while . " " Sweetheart , I 'm looking forward to that very much . I may not have to go into town . Hoss suggested that I ride on over to some of the homesteaders to see if any of them want to hire on for the short term . I can probably get some workers here by tomorrow . And I settled everything with Joe so it 's all good on that front too . We can talk about all of it at dinner tonight . Now , I am hungry and then I need to get going if I 'm going to be back in time to clean up for that special dinner you 're preparing . " Soon , Irae had lunch on the table and asked Adam to at least give her a quick summary of what had happened on the Ponderosa . He did and then he finished eating , gave her a quick hug and a kiss , and headed out the door . The last time Irae saw Adam , he turned and waved at her . She smiled and watched him until he was out of sight . Then she walked back inside to finish her preparations for dinner and to think about how she was going to tell him her news . Six hours later , she was still waiting but getting scared . She finally went to her mother and told her that she was heading over to the Ponderosa to get help . " Mama , you take care of Lake , and I 'll let the men know to keep watch . I 'll ask Morgan or Mason to come with me . Something is very wrong . You don 't know how anxious Adam was to get back once I told him that we were going to have dinner with just the two of us . He wouldn 't be late . Something has happened . I need to go get help for him . Mama , say a prayer or two or three . I think that Adam needs those prayers now . Please . " Very quickly , Irae went to her room and changed from her nice dress into a riding outfit before going to the bunkhouse to talk with the men . When she told them , she could tell that they were worried too . Mason said he would come with her , and Morgan went up to the house to sit on the front porch in case her mother needed anything . The other men said they would keep a watch for anything unusual and one said he would ride toward the homesteaders in the low country to see if Adam had been delayed by anything ordinary although none of them thought that was what had happened . Mason and Irae headed to the Ponderosa to report that Adam was missing . When they got there , the Cartwrights were sitting down to dinner . Irae rushed into the house and told the whole story to Ben and Adam 's brothers who like the men on Whispering Pines did not believe that any ordinary delay was keeping Adam away from home . Hoss and Joe immediately went to saddle up to head out to look for their brother . Mason went with them as did Irae despite Ben 's objections . They only had a very short time to look before darkness ended their efforts . Hoss told his father that he would stay at Adam 's house if they didn 't find him and start searching again the next morning . Joe returned after dark to tell his father that the search had been fruitless . No one got much sleep that night . Miles away , Adam was asleep but it wasn 't a restful sleep . He had a head injury that caused him to be in a semiconscious state . Naked , he was cold and shivering , but unable to do anything about that . He was hypothermic by morning adding to his ills . He had headed toward the homesteaders settlement the previous early afternoon but saw two men driving four head of cattle which was odd . He had followed them at a distance suspecting that they were two of the rustlers . Once he determined where they were taking the cattle , he intended to retrace his tracks and report their position to his father and brothers . He never had a chance . He heard rifles cocked and was ordered to dismount and to unbuckle his gun belt . He did , and the last thing he remembered was hearing footsteps coming up behind him . He had been hit in the head with a rifle butt . Then he had been slung over his saddle and taken to the canyon where the cattle were being held . The rustlers kept the cattle in a canyon that was well camouflaged until they had about fifty . The men who watched over the canyon changed the brands as the other six men brought the cattle in . When they had fifty , four of them drove them north and then west to California while the other four continued to rustle small numbers . When the other four returned , they would begin changing the brands with a running iron and bringing in more until they again had about fifty repeating the process . They had done this about six times already never keeping a large enough herd to be noticed and never taking more than four cows from any ranch at one time . There was a small spring in the canyon as well as an old prospector 's mine shack that backed up against a sheer rock wall . Because Adam could ruin the whole operation , he was in that old prospector 's shack . He was naked because the men had decided to try a bit of subterfuge . Trace and Davis had heard Adam mention that he might be going to Carson City . They had one of their men dress in Adam 's clothing and ride his horse to Carson City . Late that night , the man would put Adam 's horse in the livery stable and check into a hotel under Adam 's name . He would undress in the room leaving Adam 's clothing , change back into his clothing , and slip out the back way riding his own horse that he had led to Carson City . All the tracks leading to the canyon had been painstakingly brushed out and a new set of tracks had been made that led to Carson City . Anyone trying to track Adam would only find tracks to Carson City and would have to assume he went there . None of them wanted to kill Adam , and as soon as they got more cattle , they decided that this would be the last of their rustling in the area . They would leave with the biggest herd yet and never come back . Trace and Davis were using false names so no one would ever be able to find them , but just in case , they didn 't want a murder change dogging them . The plan was that Adam would be able to escape after they left . None of them realized how bad his condition was nor that he would be able to identify them once he recovered if he did . He had recognized the two men he had been following , and he had recognized Trace 's voice when he had told him to halt and Davis ' voice when he told him to dismount and to drop his gunbelt . It would do them little good to run . Adam would never let them go after they had kidnapped him . His sense of justice would make him pursue them until they faced a court of law . Trace and Davis knew that much . They began to discuss it on the way back to the Ponderosa . " Trace , he 's naked and knocked out . He could be dead by morning . The others think he 'll be fine because he 's in that shack , but there 's no heat . He 's gonna be really cold and there 's nothing in there to help him keep warm . " " It 'll be best for us if he never wakes up . He never liked us and if he wakes up and gets out of there , he 'll be coming after us . I know it . " " Maybe we should tell the others to take the cattle they got and head on out . They can keep the money for these last ones . We got plenty from the rest . We can stay and break horses for Joe . If the rustling stops and we 're still here , nobody is gonna think we 're part of it . We 'll be in the clear . " " Men disappear all the time out here . Accidents happen , and men aren 't ever found . We leave him in that shack when he dies . Nobody is ever gonna find him . There won 't be no vultures circling cause they won 't even know he 's there . We could even go in there and pile a bunch of dirt on him . That would cover up the smell . No one would ever think to look for him there . " " The others won 't go along with that . They 're always saying they don 't want a murder charge hanging over ' em . They say they can do prison time but they don 't want to swing . " " Well , we ever get arrested , we 're gonna swing , so it don 't matter , does it . They get to looking through their wanted posters , they may find the ones from Kansas and the ones from Texas . We 'll hang for sure if they find those . We need to make sure he dies . We can find a way to make it happen so that the others don 't get all riled up about it . Make it seem all accidental like and all . " The two of them were already in the bunkhouse when Irae came to the Ponderosa to tell the family that Adam was missing . They had feigned ignorance when the other hands started asking if anyone knew why Hoss and Joe had ridden out so suddenly when it would be dark soon , and then again later when Joe rode back in when it was already dark . They make all the proper sympathetic comments when they were told later that Adam was missing , and that there would be a search for him beginning at dawn . It was only when it was time to climb into their bunks that they were able to share a conspiratorial wink and smile . Opening his eyes , Adam wondered if he was blind . He couldn 't see anything , but he didn 't know if it was day or night either . He tried to remember what the last thing was that he had been doing but thinking was very difficult . It seemed that he was in a fog as far as thinking was concerned . It was a swirling fog too as his thoughts seemed not to be able to follow any kind of normal progression but floated in and out of his mind seemingly in no recognizable pattern . He remembered at one point that he was supposed to have a romantic dinner with his wife and he smiled but then remembered that he was angry with Joe but then wasn 't angry . He remembered following two men but then there were two men behind him . He remembered being dressed but it certainly felt like he wasn 't dressed because he was cold and the floor was very uncomfortable . He felt rough , dry boards beneath his face and shoulder as well as dry , gritty dust that invaded his nose and mouth as he tried to breathe making that more difficult . When he coughed , the pressure in his head seemed to expand several fold so he tried not to cough . Several times when he tried to move to find a more comfortable position and to get his mouth away from the dust , the pain in his head speared through his skull like lightning making his body jerk with the agony of it exacerbating the pounding in his head until he was briefly unconscious again . He forgot that each time though and did it several more times until he passed out completely in utter exhaustion before the dawn would have let him know that he wasn 't blind . On the Ponderosa , Ben couldn 't sleep and dressed again to go downstairs at about three in the morning . He had some coffee because Hop Sing was already up too or had never gone to sleep . He was packing food for the men who were going to be out searching assuming that none of them would be back until late unless they found Adam . A short time later , Joe was downstairs as well having coffee too . " I 'll go out and get the horses ready . As soon as there 's any light , we can all ride over to Adam 's place to get organized . I know Hoss will have a plan . We only tracked him a short distance last night . He headed toward the homesteaders ' places but then he turned to the northwest . Something must have gotten his attention and made him turn that way , but it there were too many trees and shadows for us to follow those tracks with the light we had so we had to turn back . We can go that far without much light though and then as soon as Hoss can see , he and Morgan and Mason can lead us on . " " Good idea . See if any of the men are awake and get some volunteers to go with us . With the hands on Adam 's place , we only need about six more . We can send the rest of the men out to do their regular work . Joe , I know this could create a problem with that Army contract . " " I know , Pa , but it doesn 't matter . That 's my brother out there . That 's all that 's important right now . Don 't worry . I know what matters . " With a nod acknowledging that Joe was right , Ben wrapped an arm around Joe for a brief hug before releasing him to do what he needed to do . An hour later , they headed out toward Adam 's place . When they got there , Hoss was ready to go as Joe had predicted . Grim faced , the group headed out at a fast pace as Irae stood on the porch with her mother . Her eyes were red but her stance was strong . Adam would have wanted her to stay strong so she was , but it was one of the hardest things she had ever done waiting there when all she wanted to do was ride with the men who were searching for him . Once the men got to the spot where Hoss and Joe had been forced to break off their search the night before , they had to wait until there was enough light for the trackers to see the sign clearly enough . Then slowly they began advancing . Several hours later after painstakingly following Adam 's tracks through pine needles and over shale and other very difficult terrain for tracking , they found tracks heading clearly toward Carson City . It was such a clear and easy to follow trail that Hoss sat back in the saddle , pushed his hat back on his head , and thought for a while . Ben and Joe rode up beside him . " No , Pa , they just got too easy and wrong . They been heading to the northwest and all of a sudden they 're heading due northeast by east straight toward Carson City . Them earlier tracks were made by a man traveling slow and easy like he was being real cautious and careful . These tracks were made by a man traveling like he needs to get somewhere in a hurry . There 's something real wrong here . I 'm just trying to figure out what it is and what I missed . Morgan and Mason are riding round about here trying to see what else might be around here that might shed some light on this . " Hoss nodded and pursed his lips before responding to his father . Ben and Joe got the message . Anything they found now wasn 't going to be all right . Adam had not had an accident or some ordinary trouble while traveling . There were other people involved and they had done something to him . They could only hope now that Adam was still alive and could be rescued . Behind him , Joe heard some snickers . Turning , he wasn 't surprised to find that it was Trace and Davis . He had been surprised when they had volunteered to be part of the search party . He had accepted their help partly because he thought it would be easier to keep an eye on them . Now that Adam was missing , he wished he had taken Adam 's advice about them a lot more seriously . He knew he should have . " If there were any tracks , they 're been brushed out very well . There are tracks here , but of cattle and other horses crisscrossing again and again . It could take days of searching to find one set of tracks through there if they still exist and that 's if there 's no rain and no strong winds . " The men sat and thought for a while . Ben told two of Adam 's men to follow the tracks that went in the direction of Carson City to see if they could find out anything there and report back by that night if they could . Then he sent the rest of the men back to the ranches as he stayed with his sons and Morgan and Mason to try to find Adam 's tracks among the many tracks . They didn 't want to have too many riders looking because it would be too many chances that they might ride over the tracks instead of finding them . Joe took the most eastern section to search and Ben took the most western section leaving the three best trackers to take the middle sections which were the most likely to be where Adam 's tracks would be found . They began the painstaking search that they knew might bring them back the next day and the next . As Joe rode , he started noticing the tracks of small groups of cattle with one or two riders . He got suspicious about that and wondered if that was what Adam had spotted . He began to follow one of those trails slowly and didn 't notice that Trace and Davis had circled around and were coming up behind him . " It 's the same damn thing , dummy . He 's onto us . We 'll track him down like we did his brother . He 's gonna have to end up in the same place . Those damn Cartwrights are sure making a mess of this for us . " Unaware he had been detected , Joe worked his way close enough to the canyon to see the cattle that were penned there . He saw four men there and correctly guessed they were the rustlers . He guessed too that they probably were responsible for Adam 's disappearance . It was too much of a coincidence that they were so close to where Adam 's tracks were lost . He carefully began to back away so that he could ride back to where the others were searching to get their help . Much like Adam , he next heard rifles being cocked and was ordered from his horse . He recognized the voices and turned instead . The men in the camp were surprised and angry to see Trace and Davis ride in with Joe in front of them . Joe was pulled from his horse and disarmed . Then he was roughly dragged to the shack and shoved inside . He stumbled across the room tripping over a body . He fell to the floor and cried out hoping against hope that Adam wasn 't dead . " Adam , oh , Adam . " He felt for a pulse in the darkness once he located his arm and couldn 't feel one . Adam was so cold . He moved up and felt for a pulse at the neck and thought he could detect a slight one but again Adam was so cold it was hard to tell . He felt Adam 's forehead and there was no fever but when he felt around his head , his hand came away sticky and he knew it had to be blood . He went to the door and pounded on it and yelled until finally someone was on the other side telling him to shut up . " I 'll shut up when you give me a blanket , some clothes , water , and a lantern . My brother could die if you don 't give me those . You want a murder charge hanging over your head ? My father will never rest until you 're hanging if you let him die . " There was no response for several minutes and then a gruff voice told him to step back across the room . " Now talk so I know where you are . " Joe did . " Now have the other one talk . " " Damn , I didn 't know they hit him that hard . All right , we got what you wanted . Don 't move and I 'll set it all inside the door . " After everything was set inside the door , the door was pulled shut and barred once more . There were no windows in the primitive shack so except for the lantern light , it was dark . Joe quickly got the clothing and started to get Adam dressed . Getting clothing on a cold and stiff man was a daunting task however and took longer than he thought it would . Next he wrapped the blanket around his brother . Then once that was done , he held the canteen to Adam 's lips and tried to get him to take a sip . The water dribbled down his chin . The hypothermia had made him nonresponsive . Joe knew then that he had to warm him somehow and did the only thing he knew to do . He wrapped himself in the blanket with Adam and rubbed his back and arms as he held him . Slowly , he felt Adam getting warmer . He thanked God above that the day was reasonably warm . Realizing that the lantern was throwing some heat , Joe reached for that and placed it behind Adam so that the heat would warm his back somewhat . It was all that he had . Joe was never so relieved in his life as when he felt Adam stir a bit in his arms . " Well , I was sorta looking for you too , so they don 't know I 'm missing yet . I 'm going to wrap the blanket around you now , and get up . All right ? " Adam nodded and immediately regretted it . Joe saw the grimace . " I 'll just tell you what to do from now on and you do it . Don 't shake your head . Once I get up , I 'm going to try to get you up against the wall there so you can drink some water . Don 't shake your head . I 'll go as slowly as I can . " A short time later , Joe had Adam up against the wall of the shack . It had not taken long because the shack was only probably ten by ten . Once Adam was there , Joe asked if the move had been all right . Miles away , the six rustlers were in a panic mode . Trace and Davis were not ready to face the gallows and had a plan . " We ride back to the Ponderosa . When Joe doesn 't come back , we quit because we 're horse breakers and there won 't be any work for us if he isn 't there . We can say there 's too much trouble and we 're heading out . The four of you take those cattle you got and head north to Reno and over to California like you always done . " " We got enough . Getting out with our hides is more important . If you take care of those two Cartwrights who can identify us , that will be payment enough . " Davis had an idea . " That crew up on the Black River building that trestle couldn 't get enough crew . They took on a chain gang to put in the supports down in the riverbed . How about you drop these two off and say they got six months hard time to work off ? " " Rough ' em up some and trade clothes with ' em . Adam already has some of your clothes , right Dobie ? Give him your old boots too . Get Joe to wear some of your older clothes , Frank . You two are about the same size . Don 't let ' em wash , and after a few days on the trail , some stubble and some dirt , they could pass . Sure they 'll claim they aren 't cons , but by the time the whole thing gets sorted out , we 'll all be long gone . " " Dobie , it could work . They don 't know our names , just Trace and Davis and them ain 't their real names anyway . If we get enough time , we all get away free and clear . All we gotta do is get going right now . We gotta get as far away as fast as we can . They 'll never catch us ifn we move out fast and hard . By the time they find this place , we 'll be two or three days ahead of them . Even with the cattle , they won 't find us . If they do , we leave the cattle and just ride hard . " " All right , let 's do it . Good luck to you two . We 're not likely to see you again . We 're heading to California to stay probably . " As Dobie , Eric , Frank , and Nate got busy with breaking down the camp and packing up , Trace and Davis rode back to the Ponderosa by a long circuitous route so that they wouldn 't be spotted by anyone . Once back in the bunkhouse , they could finally relax . They planned to quit the next morning and head south . Once the men in the camp were ready to push the cattle , they opened the shack and forced Joe to change clothes and then forced Adam to mount up with help and then Joe too . Joe had protested . Standing in anger only a moment , Joe was unwilling to test their resolve . He bent down and pulled Adam 's arm around his shoulder . " Adam , you heard that , I hope . I have to get you on that horse . Come on now , older brother . I know how stubborn you can be so use some of that now and fight the weakness . Help me get you up on that horse . " Struggling , Joe did manage to get Adam in the saddle and helped secure his foot in the stirrups . He noted how Adam gripped the pommel with both hands and leaned forward trying desperately to keep his seat . Joe wondered how he was ever going to be able to stay in the saddle as they rode for hours probably . It was difficult but somehow they managed . Often he had to reach out to steady Adam or grab him to keep him from falling , but finally it was too dark for the men to keep moving so they called a halt for the night . Joe and Adam were ordered from their horses and told to sit on either side of a small tree where the men intended to tie them . " Listen , Adam 's not going anywhere . Tie me , but let him sleep in a blanket please . If you take one look at him , you can see that he 's in no shape to do anything . Please , just let him sleep . " The rustlers relented somewhat tying only Adam 's hands and letting Joe wrap a blanket around him . Adam leaned back and closed his eyes falling asleep almost immediately . Joe sat against the tree then and was tied to it . In the morning , Adam was able to drink a little water but refused food . He was too sick yet to eat anything . He did manage to stay in the saddle all day , but Joe noted that he was extremely pale . That night he tried to eat some beans but threw them up after about an hour . He drank more water after that and then slept soundly again with his hands tied . Joe would have tried to escape the mostly inept outlaws , but he was fairly certain that they would kill Adam if he did . He couldn 't escape with Adam because he was simply too ill to run . Joe didn 't know where they were taking them , and any questions were met with laughter , but they didn 't seem to want to do them any harm . He could only hope that their father and brother were following them and would rescue them soon . On the third night , it seemed that Adam was getting weaker so Joe insisted that he try to eat something . " Joe , I 'll throw it up . If I eat beans , they 'll come right back up . If they had some stew or something like that , I might be able to keep that down , but the smell of the beans makes me want to throw up . " Carefully watched , Joe was allowed to catch some fish . Then the men were happy though to share the fish for dinner . Joe smiled to see Adam able to eat some of the fish although he would have been happier if he had been able to eat more . The routine was much the same for the next two days , but the day after that it changed . The herd was headed due north for a day before being stopped . The men became more gruff and businesslike where they had been becoming a bit friendlier . " Have you seen anything from this crew that makes you think they could plan their way out of a box canyon ? No , whatever is going to happen was planned by Davis or Trace and it was before we left . These men are going to do it unless we can talk them out of it , but we need to know what it is before it happens . " " We aren 't going to do that . You are . I can barely see straight yet . If I turn my head too fast , the world starts spinning around . Bouncing around in this saddle all day every day has been about the worst thing I could have done . No , I can 't do it . But maybe you could find out what their plan is . " " Very funny . " But Joe was somewhat relieved knowing that if Adam was regaining his sense of humor , and if he was able to have a conversation like this , then he was starting to feel better . Joe was worried thou about what kind of ordeal faced them next . He knew Adam didn 't have any reserve of strength to draw on because he had eaten almost nothing for nearly a week . If he had been home , he would likely be nearly recovered by now , but riding every day all day and sleeping on the ground at night had drained his energy and made it difficult for his head injury to heal . Joe did his best to find out what was happening but to no avail . The men only made some laughing references to a snaggle - toothed woman and otherwise were rather grim about their plans . Joe had the feeling that they somewhat regretted what they were about to do , but had no other ideas . He told Adam that , but they couldn 't come up with an alternative because they didn 't know what they were facing . The next day , the herd was slowed as only two men moved them at a snail 's pace and the two others told Adam and Joe to start riding due north along the Black River . Suddenly Joe had a dark premonition . He had heard about the problems getting crew to build the railroad trestle across the Black River Gorge . " You 're not taking us to the Black River Gorge to work , are you ? " There was no answer . " You know , we could forget all about everything you 've done . Rustling , I mean . My father could pay off all the other ranchers . You have to know that his two sons are worth it to him . He would pay that much to get us back . C ' mon guys , think about it . " " Sorry , Joe , but it ain 't worth the risk of spending our lives in prison . We got money now and our freedom . We aim to keep both . You 'll get out of here in a short time . The way you two can talk , you 'll talk your way out of here . You know you will . " And Joe knew that was his only option and Adam 's too . He looked over at Adam and saw him resigned to the same fate . They were going to be working on a chain gang in some of the harshest terrain possible with winter approaching . Their odds of surviving this ordeal had just gotten much worse . Back home , the situation had grown desperate . Adam 's tracks had never been found , and then his horse and clothing had been found in Carson City greatly confusing the situation for a time . When Joe went missing , they began a search for his tracks that led them to the rustlers ' hideaway more than a day later . His tracks were obliterated by the herd being driven away , and it was more than a day later before intense searching found Cochise 's tracks along the route of the rustled herd . It was a grim Ben who stood looking after the tracks of the herd that had been driven away . " They 've got a big head start on us , probably at least two days , and perhaps as much as three days . But we 're going to catch them and get Joseph back and find out what happened to Adam . I 'll ride day and night if I have to . " Hoss nodded and mounted up . Morgan and Mason and the six men who had been helping silently did the same . Ben sent one man back to tell Irae and the others what they had found and what they planned to do . Then he led the other eight out on a mission . As Dobie and Eric led Adam and Joe north to Black River Gorge across rocky slopes , Frank and Nate continued to move the herd slowly toward California hoping that the other two would be back soon and before there was any trouble from the weather or from pursuit . This was the weakest point in their plan and it made the two men very nervous and with good reason . That night as they made camp , they built a big campfire because they were nervous . It was a beacon to the men pursuing them . " Let 's go in on foot . We 'll ride in close enough so that we can all walk in and surprise them . Watch out for Joe and maybe for Adam if they have him too . We 'll take them by surprise . If they resist , you know what to do , but be damn sure you don 't hurt my sons . " Because Frank and Nate were so on edge , they were hyper - vigilant and heard twigs snapping . They drew their pistols and called out . The surprise was lost when they saw one of the men approaching the camp and fired . IN the shooting that followed , both Frank and Nate were shot . Nate was killed instantly , but Frank was wounded . Ben rushed into the camp as soon as the shooting stopped . It was clear that there were no other men there . He grabbed Frank 's lapels and pulled him up . And those were the last words ever spoken by Frank Bowen . He died in Ben 's hands . Ben dropped him and looked at the blood on his hands imagining that it was his sons ' blood . He dropped his head in utter dejection . Hoss walked over and put a hand on his father 's shoulder . Doing the best that they could do , Ben and Hoss backtracked with Morgan and Mason for a week of extensive looking and never found where Dobie and Eric had left with Adam and Joe . Ben had sent the extra men to round up the rustled cattle and take them back to their rightful owners and to tell Irae what they had not found but that they were still looking . After more than a week , they were forced to return home to a despondent Irae with no news of her husband . Ben and Hoss felt about the same over the loss of both Adam and Joe . Ben put up a substantial reward for any information that would lead to the rescue or return of either or both sons but nothing was heard for months . By the time that he got news of where Adam and Joe were , he would put every means at his disposal into action but it would take some time before he could do that . Meanwhile , Dobie and Eric had emerged from the mountains to find two fresh graves and signs of the herd being driven back to Nevada . They headed to Wyoming to disappear fearing Ben Cartwright 's wrath if he ever connected them with his sons ' disappearance not realizing that they would have been forgiven if they would have gone to him with news of how his sons could have been saved . At Black River Gorge , Adam and Joe protested from the moment they arrived that they were not criminals but as Davis had scripted for Dobie , he told the people in charge there that the two had been caught impersonating Adam and Joe Cartwright repeatedly . He told them that they had a one - year sentence at hard labor for fraud . Desperate for workers , there wasn 't much incentive to listen to the two men try to explain their side of the story . They were threatened with punishment if they didn 't shut up . Adam told Joe to back off . Joe was defiant , but Adam cautioned him . " Joe , we 're new here . Let 's get the lay of the land first . I 'm not sure I can take too much trouble yet . " Joe understood the implied message . " All right . We 'll be quiet . It doesn 't mean we accept what they told you . Just remember that . " As new arrivals , Adam and Joe were at the bottom of the pecking order and got the dirtiest job which was standing in cold water in the river helping to set support posts for the trestle . They were sent out to work for the last few hours of the first day they arrived in the camp as Dobie and Eric rode off thinking their problems were over . According to the men in that crew , they lost at least one man a week to death or injury because of the dangers of the job . Adam was still weak from his injury and from not eating well on the trip to the work site so Joe was especially worried about him . He tried to make sure Adam was always positioned so that he wouldn 't get washed into the strong river current . Joe was fairly certain that in Adam 's condition , he wouldn 't survive the rapids that they could see a short distance down the river . Luckily the river wasn 't as cold as they expected it to be . The men said that it had rained quite a bit recently and that had made the water less cold because it wasn 't just spring water and snow melt from the high peaks . They told the two that it could get a lot colder than it was , and they hoped to have the last of the supports in before the weather turned colder . " Yep , they come about every three months with full loads of supplies and new men , and takes out the men who finished their time , or at least the ones who are still alive who finished their time . They don 't seem too concerned about the ones who die up here . Nobody seems too concerned about that . " " Inspections ? Now why would they want to inspect something that brings in so much money to so many people ? " The man looked at Adam very carefully then . " Mister you got yourself a worried look there . Why you wearing such a frown on you ? You don 't need to worry none about anybody but yourself up here . Gonna take a mighty big heap of worrying just to keep yourself alive here for a year . " " Course not . I forgot . A year up here is supposed to be two years off your time , so if you got a year to serve , you only got to do six months . " Of course , that was just the first day and a lot of confidence and optimism . The first week of hard work from sunup to sundown took away quite a lot of that bravado from Adam . The only good news was that deep in the gorge , the sun didn 't give them enough light to work until it cleared the mountains and it set rather early too so their work day was shorter than it would have been anywhere else . They did get all the rest they needed and plenty of time for their clothing to dry each night . The barracks had been made from solid pine so they were at least warm enough too although the bunks had no mattresses so the men gathered pine needles as they could . There was a stove in the center of each barracks and the men scrounged for wood too so that they could warm their barracks as well . There was a large mess hall and the food was cooked by a woman with one tooth that protruded almost straight from her top gum . The men called her the snaggle - toothed woman . She snarled at the men as she dumped a large ladle of food into a bowl for each of them . As Adam received his bowl of food the first night in camp , he looked directly at her and smiled . The woman was so startled , she almost dropped her ladle . Then she caught herself and began serving the rest of the men in line continuing her harangue at them to keep moving their ugly faces along . Once the men were served though , Joe surreptitiously watched her for a while . Fairly often , she was looking over to where Adam was sitting . " Older brother , I don 't know what you 've got going in that head of yours . I hope it 's not because your brains got addled from being hit . I 'll go do what you said , but you better have a darn good reason for it that you can explain later . " Smiling a little to himself , Adam could picture Joe using that shy grin and those puppy dog eyes that worked so well with their father and some of the young ladies of Virginia City . He knew the cook wouldn 't stand a chance . He was correct . Joe was back with a cup of water and an extra helping of stew for Adam who turned around to smiled and wave at the cook giving her a thumbs up . He finished the extra stew that turned out to have extra meat in it that she must have purposefully put in that cup for him . He took his bowl and the cup to drop off for washing and made sure to walk by the cook to thank her putting his hand on her hairy forearm when he did so pressing it ever so lightly . One of the guards yelled at him when he did that and he apologized saying that he was sorry he wouldn 't be able to do that any more but he would be able to at least say hello and smile at her when he came through the meal line . She nodded and Adam moved along as ordered . He was shoved through the door for his trouble but that only earned him a bit of sympathy from the cook that he endured that for being kind to her . She was his first ally . " So what 's your plan ? " As soon as Joe was able to talk with Adam away from the other men , he wanted to know what kind of ideas he had for getting them out of this mess they were in . " You must be feeling a lot better too . " " I am feeling better . It 's like a fog lifted . I 'm seeing better and thinking more clearly . I don 't have a specific plan yet , but I know we 're not getting out of here on our own . We need help , and the best help we have is Pa and Hoss , but somehow we have to get word to them so they can help us . I 'm fairly sure they have no idea that we 're here . " " Joe , my head was foggy as was my vision , but I could see the rocky soil and the cattle . It would be extremely difficult to track anyone in those conditions and the shale we crossed on the way up here would make tracking almost impossible . It would have taken a miracle for Hoss or anyone to have spotted our trail in this direction . They would never have expected us to go this way either . They would have been looking for tracks going east or west most likely . " " You 're right . I wish you weren 't , but it makes sense . All right , who else do we make friends with and why ? " Leaning back against the wall behind the bunk , Joe blew out his breath . " Oh , yeah . I guess I kinda forgot about that . So we have to be very careful who we ask to go see Pa . That could take a while then . " As Adam and Joe tried to work out a way to get their whereabouts known to their father , Ben was working on his end to find information too . Roy had gotten wanted posters that showed that Trace Griffin and Davis Burke were wanted in other states for murder under other names and had put out additional wanted posters on them for the disappearance of Joe Cartwright and Adam Cartwright with Ben offering a substantial reward if they were brought to Virginia City alive . He was hoping that someone would bring one or both of them in alive . If they could be convinced to give information to the authorities in Nevada , they could be offered a chance at a prison term in that state instead of the gallows in another state . It was the best deal they could get and the only deal that Roy and Ben could offer them if Adam and Joe were still alive which Ben had to believe . Each day he rode over to talk with Irae and her mother and to visit with Lake . He wanted to let them know that they were part of the family no matter what happened . Hoss tried to get over there as much as he could too but taking over his brothers ' responsibilities had him working twelve hours a day on most days . He didn 't mind that too much though because he wanted his father to concentrate on finding his brothers . Down on the river , Adam began organizing the work crew so that they were in less danger when setting the support posts . When the men saw the advantages of his method , they quickly agreed to follow his orders . Seeing a new order to the work , the foreman of the construction crew headed down the hill wondering why the crew was changing the work system . When he got there and started asking questions , the men sent him to talk with Adam . " What the hell do you think you 're doing ? I ought to have you locked in the hot box for a week for interfering . That 's what we do with troublemakers around here . " By then , work had stopped entirely as the men had all paused to watch the altercation . That had drawn the attention of guards , the camp commandant , and construction supervisors who all converged at the work site at the riverbank . The commandant demanded to know what was going on , and the foreman blamed Adam for a work stoppage . Joe spoke in his defense . " You shut up , and don 't speak again unless you want to be punished . I know you 're a new arrival , but you need to learn the rules here . You can learn them easy or hard . It 's up to you . " Turning to Adam , the commandant , had another question . " Why did you stop working ? " Doing his best to keep a sneer out of his voice , Adam answered . " Boss , I 've worked on construction in these mountains before . I was only trying to help by organizing the work to make it go faster . He stopped me because he didn 't like that for some reason . " That however got the supervisors ' attention . One of them told Adam to get one of his crews to show them what they had been doing . He turned to the men and Joe led one of them to pick up a large timber support beam and carry it into the river with the tools they needed to set it into place . They lifted it into the position , and as Adam had instructed them , tied it off to the supports already there . Then they dug the hole it needed and eased it down into the hole slowly as the rocks were replaced until the support was solidly in position . One of the supervisors showed his watch to the others . One of the others used a pencil and his notepad to do some calculations . They smiled . One of them called out to the commandant . " Have that man continue to run the crews as he just did . We 'll find other work for Mr . Francis . You only need post a guard here to see that these men continue to work and don 't run off . That man there will have these supports done and save us weeks of time with his method . " And save lives in the process was Adam 's thought , but he knew the men who were making money from this project had no concern with that . The men working on these crews cared though . He had just made more friends . He hoped that at least some of them could eventually be trusted enough to go to his father and let him know that he and Joe were here . Now besides surviving , he and Joe needed to find out more about these men so they knew who to trust and especially which ones would be leaving the camp in two or three months when the prison wagon arrived . Adam was feeling stronger and more confident , but the only plan he had was to get information to his father . He wished he could come up with something more , but he and Joe could think of nothing else . The only other thing that Adam and Joe did was to make a contingency plan in case they had to escape into the mountains surrounding the Gorge . They knew that there was always the chance that if the people running the camp found out that they were , in fact , Adam and Joe Cartwright , the fear of what an investigation might reveal could lead to them choosing to dispose of the two men who could cause such an investigation to occur . If that happened , they hoped to have at least the chance to escape . The mountains here were some of the most inhospitable they could be forced to endure but if necessary they had the survival skills to make the effort . They did their best to come up with the few items that they might be able to take with them if it happened and secreted those things in the forest when they were out scrounging for firewood . They had bits of metal , cloth , paper , and string and other items then had managed to scavenge from items in the camp that had been discarded or misplaced . Adam had even managed to get a fork and spoon out of the mess hall unseen by anyone . Joe found a broken knife blade that had been discarded as trash . They collected everything that might be useful . It all came to a climax about a month and a half later . Adam and Joe were very hopeful as they saw the prison wagons arrive with new prisoners for the work crews and supplies for the mess hall . What they saw next shocked them though . Bill Enders stepped down from the prison wagon and looked around . He didn 't recognize Adam and Joe standing in the crowd of prisoners . They both had a few months growth of beard and Adam was considerably thinner than he had been the last time Bill had seen him . The next morning , the wagons would leave with the convicts who were being released . Two of them had promised to head directly to the Ponderosa to talk with Ben Cartwright . Unfortunately , Adam and Joe no longer had that much time . Bill had every reason to want Adam dead , and he would recognize him sooner or later . That night in the barracks , Adam and Joe had a very serious conversation . " It may be the last meal we have in a long time , and I 'm hoping that our friend will let us slip out through her kitchen so that no one knows we 're missing for a while . There 'll be a lot of commotion with the wagons and the men who are leaving . In the confusion , I 'm hoping that it takes some time before they notice we 're gone and then get some men organized to come after us . I get the feeling that they may not be too good at tracking men . They don 't have dogs so if we can get far enough fast enough , maybe we can get away . " " No , it isn 't , and Joe , you might have to make one of the toughest decisions of your life today . It could be for me too . Joe , if they get one of us , the other one has to keep going . " " Joe , if you come back for me , they 'll kill us both . Same thing happens if I come back for you . Joe , if they have both of us , they 'll kill us both . " " If they have one of us , I think they 'll be afraid to kill one . They 'll be afraid of what the other one will tell the authorities if he gets out alive . It could get rough for the one held , but he should make it . " Two weeks earlier , there had been a small rockslide where the men had been working , and Adam 's leg had been pinned between two rocks . He had been confined to bed for two days and unable to walk without a crutch for a week . Then of course he had said he was fine , but Joe knew what that meant . Adam always said he was fine unless he couldn 't do something like run up a mountain to save his life . Now Adam shrugged and Joe had his answer . The leg was still hurting some and Adam didn 't trust that it would take the strain of a severe uphill trek . He would try of course because that was the kind of man he was , but he already knew his chances of success were slim . " They 'll send pursuit , and if I can 't make it , I 'll veer off from the direction that you 're going . They 'll follow me because I 'll be easier to catch giving you a better chance to make it . You take the bundle of things we collected . It 'll be less for me to have to haul up the hill , and you 'll need it if you make it . If you 're still free when it 's dark , and I figure you 've done it . " Adam nodded . " She asked me if we could have another child . I told her it was too soon , but now I would like nothing more than to go home and tell her that I would love to have another child , maybe a whole bunch more . I never thought I could need another person in my life like I need her . " Choked up listening to the raw emotion in Adam 's voice , Joe couldn 't say any more . It wasn 't often that he got to hear Adam express what was in his heart like that . He threw his arms around Adam and hugged him as tightly as he could . He found sleep hard to find that night . In the morning , he tore off part of his blanket and wrapped it around his middle before buttoning up his shirt . One of the other men walked over and handed an extra shirt to Joe . " I seen you wearing a frown . Figured you could wear this shirt too today . Gets cold on that mountain . You ready to go , you just not your head . The rest of us make a screen for you both . " With that , the other men trudged out to breakfast as if it was an ordinary morning . Joe put the extra shirt on over his shirt , and he and Adam followed the other men to the mess hall for breakfast . In the mess hall , Adam kept his head down as did Joe . Adam passed some of his meal to Joe getting a sigh from Joe who knew the meaning of the gesture . When the meal was over and the men stood , Adam walked to the cook with Joe behind him . He leaned down to the cook and whispered . The cook blushed and nodded slightly . The men from Adam 's barracks moved up to block the guards ' view of him and Joe . Adam leaned down and kissed the cook 's cheek before he moved quickly into the kitchen with Joe and out the back door and into the forest behind the building . No one saw them leave as the men dutifully marched out of the building and the men who were leaving joyfully moved toward the wagons as their names were called . As swiftly as they could , Adam and Joe began their flight up the mountainside . Fifteen minutes later as the work crews headed to their sites , their guards noticed their absence and their names were called . Bill Enders whirled around at the names wondering how that could be but was told it was a joke because it was two men who had been impersonating the two Cartwright sons . He laughed and moved on to his work assignment . Up on the mountain , Adam was doing his best to keep up with Joe , and it wasn 't good enough . Adam was falling behind . Joe kept encouraging him and paused often for Adam to narrow the gap between them , but Adam told him rather harshly a few times to keep going . " Joe , if you don 't keep running , we 're both going to die on this damn mountain . Now stop worrying about me and keep going . You know what you have to do . We 've planned this route for weeks looking up at this slope . If they get close , I 'll veer left , and you keep going . The road is to the right and downslope , but don 't head that way until tomorrow so they don 't know where you 're going . " By the afternoon , Adam could hear the pursuit getting closer and had lost sight of Joe . He turned to the left knowing they were likely going to catch him before darkness allowed him to escape . He was going to do his best to get away but the odds were turning against him . He ran for another two hours until he fell down a short slope and injured his leg again . Then he knew he couldn 't escape . He found a thick stick that he could use and continued to go until rifle shots hit the dirt around him less than a half hour later . Men yelled at him to stop and finally he had to do it . Within minutes he was surrounded and beaten down to the ground before being roughly forced up and then shoved ahead of the men and back down the mountainside to the camp . He was questioned about Joe 's whereabouts and shoved down the steep slope several times when he refused to answer . Bruised and bloodied but the time he and the guards returned to the camp in the dark , he was put in the hot box that wasn 't so hot but it did mean that he wasn 't going to be able to sleep . It was a coffin shaped box that stood in the center of the compound . There were only enough holes in it for air to let a man breathe . If he had to urinate , he did it on himself in the box . The box smelled like many men had done that before and Adam 's blood and urine added to the stench . Up on the mountain , Joe snuggled into a shelter of pine boughs and pine needles . He and Adam both knew how to make a survival shelter out of material found in the forest and how to stay warm without a fire . He was fairly certain that Adam had been captured . He had seen him turn to the left and then had not seen him again . The men chasing the two of them had not come much higher than where Adam had turned and had probably assumed that the two of them had stuck together . Of course they had done everything together so it would have been natural for them to assume they would stick together in this . Joe guessed that Adam had probably known that too when he planned this . He had probably planned the whole thing so that Joe could get away . " Damn him , damn him . Why does he always have to do that ? " Only Joe knew why . If Adam had told Joe that he never intended to get away because he knew he couldn 't , then Joe would never have agreed to the plan . Always the realist , Adam had done what needed to be done because he always did . Joe was determined at that point that he was going to rescue his brother just so he could tell him what he thought about all of that . Then he smiled a bit because he knew what Adam would say . He said a prayer for his brother then hoping that he wasn 't suffering too much . With that , he fell asleep knowing he was going to have a difficult few days until he got to someplace where he could get some help . He could only hope it wasn 't too far away . At least the work of the last few months had made him as strong as he had ever been . He was ready for the test . The next morning , Joe was up early and headed down the mountainside toward the road that he planned to follow out to civilization and help . Up on the mountain , he got over a two hour head start on the camp because he saw the sun much sooner than the camp down in the gorge . He was rather shocked to see the prison wagons headed back toward the camp when he spotted the road . He ducked back behind a tree hoping that they hadn 't seen him and then looked out in shock at the men riding with the wagons . It couldn 't be but it was . There was a full company of Nevada militia and a large group of legitimate prison guards brought to replace the corrupt ones , but there was no mistaking that big man and the one beside him with the silver hair . Joe stood and wanted to scream but instead he began running toward the road and yelled only when he got close enough that he thought they might hear him . Ben and Hoss pulled up and then dismounted running to Joe when they saw him grabbing the bearded and ragged young man in a big hug . Then there were tears , smiles , and lots of touching and backslapping . " Pa , he 's still back at the camp . Pa , how did you know ? We only got two men to go to tell you yesterday . " " A cook at the camp sent a message with a man who took some letters out . She sent a letter to her mother who sent the letter to me . Seems she was very taken with Adam and wanted to save him . " " We 've got to hurry . Bill Enders is in the camp . If he tells them who Adam really is , then they might kill him . Pa , we gotta hurry . " " Joe , we need a plan . We had some idea of what we were going to do with information we had from the cook and what we got from the men on these wagons . You can tell us more . " After hearing what Joe had to say , Ben looked at the others . " Now , this is what we 're going to do . " With Hoss , Joe , the militia commander , and the head of the bureau of prisons for Nevada , Ben laid out a plan to take down the criminal conspiracy and save his son . Within minutes , they had the plan well underway . In the camp , there was near panic . They didn 't know what was happening out on the road or it would have been complete panic . After breakfast , they had gone to pull Adam from the hot box as an example to the other men and to question him about Joe . When he answered them , Bill Enders had been surprised and then amused . " It is Adam Cartwright . You got the real Adam Cartwright . As I live and breathe , it 's hard to believe and I still can 't believe my ears , but I can 't mistake the voice that put me in prison for life . " " Of course , I 'm sure . That must have been his little brother who got away then . No wonder he wouldn 't talk . Those Cartwrights stick together like glue . That young one will have his old man on you if he makes it out of the wilderness . " As Bill walked off with his work group , he paused by the hot box . " Don 't worry , Adam . If they don 't kill you , I 'll make sure to put you out of your misery . I 'll make sure it 's slow and painful too . You think about that today . You think about that for the next few days while you sit in your own filth and wish you had some water . " With a laugh , Bill walked off to work in the fresh air and with a good breakfast in his belly . For the first time in years , he had something about which to smile . The supervisors were mainly concerned with covering up the evidence of the corruption especially that which tied the fraud to their bosses . " First of all , we have to get the second set of books out of camp . Pack them up and we 'll send someone out with them today . They can deliver them to our offices in Reno to be delivered to our offices in California . They can decide how to handle this . " " It 's too late . Too many people saw him brought back here and know he 's in that hot box now . We can 't get away with an accident like that now . " The commandant told them what had to be done . " There 's only one thing left to do . He 's going to try to escape again and get shot doing it . We 'll have to give him some food and water , and then he 'll try it . " With a shake of his head and a roll of his eyes , the commandant looked at the supervisors who were still so naïve in the ways of the real world . " Of course , he won 't . It just has to look like he did so we can shoot him . " The commandant left the room to set it up . He put two men in position to shoot Adam when he left the mess hall . Next he had two men get Adam out of the hot box and into to the mess hall for a meal . Adam knew something was up but wasn 't sure what it was until they told him to leave the mess hall but the two guards lingered behind . By then , there had been a lot of commotion in the yard . They had heard wagons and yelling and what sounded like many riders coming in . Adam had wondered about it , but the two guards with him had made him sit and eat and hadn 't bothered to check on what was going on outside . What had been going on was Ben arriving to tell the camp leaders that the construction company had sent him because there were undercover agents in the camp . He was supposedly there to find them and bring them with him . They didn 't know he was Ben Cartwright . He made sure to send some of the men to find Bill Enders and make sure he didn 't have a chance to let anyone know what was going on . By the time Adam was ready to leave the mess hall , he saw his father standing in the middle of the camp talking to the camp commandant . Ben had his men in position by then but didn 't know where Adam was . Adam wasn 't sure what was going on but assumed it was good news for him . He wondered where Joe was and if he knew that their father was already here . Adam opened the door to step into the yard and that 's when all hell broke loose . It started simply enough . One man raised a rifle to shoot Adam . Hoss stepped up behind him and put a pistol in his back . Fifty yards away , Joe had his pistol up against the other sniper 's skull . " I 've heard that a bullet in the brain is real bad for your health . Is that what you 've heard too ? Cause if you have , you might want to drop that rifle and raise your hands real high so my finger doesn 't slip accidental like on this trigger . " Dressed in clean civilian clothing , no one had recognized Joe among the men who had arrived in the camp . Seeing his two men disarmed , the commandant pulled his pistol and fired at Adam who fell back into the mess hall . Ben drew his pistol and shot point blank at the commandant . The man jerked backward and landed on his back . Ben must have hit an artery by the amount of blood spurting through the man 's fingers as the lay there desperately trying to staunch the flow of blood . It was hopeless and no one could help him . Ben took off on a run to the mess hall as his men began disarming the guards all over the camp . Some chose to fight so there was some sporadic gunfire , but they were outgunned and outmaneuvered so most gave up without a fight . Inside the mess hall , it was a different story . Two well - armed guards had one very valuable hostage and planned to bargain their way out with him . When Ben stepped into the mess hall , he was happy and upset . Happy to see that Adam was alive when he had feared for months and again that morning that his eldest son might be dead . Now however he feared for his son 's life once more . Two guards had pistols out and trained on Adam 's back . " Hi , Pa . Sorry to be such a bother . I am very glad to see you though . It 's a lot sooner than expected . I guess that Henrietta is the reason why . " " No one else here had the connections to get any news out to you . It had to be her . She 's been a good friend to us , Pa . We need to make sure we do something real nice for her . Maybe she could come with us back to the Ponderosa ? " " Adam , if that 's what you want , that 's what we 'll do . She certainly deserves whatever we can do for her . But first we have to get you out of this predicament . " The two guards had been getting impatient listening to father and son talk . With that statement by Ben , they got angry and began shouting . It was exactly what Adam had wanted and Ben had played along seeing the woman coming up slowly behind the three men . Suddenly , she raised a cast iron pan and hit one of the men in the head making a resounding noise as he dropped to the floor . Adam knelt quickly and took his pistol before the other man seemed to realize what had happened . He was going to turn his pistol on Adam when Ben shouted at him to get his attention . Ben had his pistol on the man who then heard Adam cock his pistol . He dropped the pistol in his hand and raised both arms in surrender . Adam turned to Henrietta . " Yes , I am , and I love my wife very much . We have a little boy , Lake . We could use a cook though . I usually have about eight to ten men working the ranch . You could cook for them . At first , you would have your own room , but eventually , I would build you your own little cottage there . " Hoss and Joe left the room quickly then , but not before Ben told them to take the two guards with them . Hoss grabbed one and threw him over his shoulder and Joe took the other at gunpoint . Ben added an amendment to Adam 's statement . " I am seeing someone though . " That got a raised eyebrow from Adam . He had a few questions to ask about that but it could wait . Meanwhile , Henrietta had another question for Adam . All Ben could think then was oh - oh . As well as anyone , he knew what ' fine ' meant when Adam said it . " Take your shirt off so we can see . " About that time , Joe came back in to tell Ben that he was needed outside . Henrietta told him to go and that she could take care of Adam . " I took care of lots of the men here who were hurt more serious than this . I 'll take good care of your son . Don 't you worry none . " Once Ben left the room , Henrietta turned back to Adam . " He only says those things cause he loves you , you know . " Henrietta shook her head . " Men shur got a peculiar way of showing they care . Now you take off your shirt and I 'll bind up them ribs for you . I got hot water in the kitchen . You can clean up some too . You don 't want them cuts and scrapes to get infected . Wouldn 't hurt the smell none either to use a bit of soap . " Once Henrietta bandaged Adam 's ribs , he slid from the table where had been sitting and walked to the kitchen . She noted the limp . " What 's wrong with your leg . " " Spending the night in the hot box didn 't help none either . Show me the leg . I can wrap that up too . " Adam shook his head . " I seen plenty of men 's legs . If you 're that shy , I got a blanket you can wrap around yourself . I won 't do nothing to ya that don 't need doing . Now get on in there so we can take care of ya . " Soon Adam was cleaned up with his ribs wrapped and his leg wrapped . He was also wrapped in a blanket and resting comfortably on a cot in the kitchen as Henrietta cooked lunch . She had washed his shirt and pants which were hanging on a line in the back of the kitchen . She told him his family was going to be busy for some time with the mess in this camp so the two of them ought to take care of what they could . She would fix lunch and he could get some rest . He was sleeping soundly when his father came back about an hour later . They didn 't wake him until after lunch . By then , they decided that it would make sense to start back the next day . It was clear that Adam didn 't like that idea much even though he agreed it made sense . They would only travel a few hours before they would have to make camp anyway . They would make better time if he and Joe got a good night 's sleep and were well rested and able to travel the next day . It was unlikely that they were going to be able to set a fast pace traveling anyway with Adam 's damaged ribs and leg . He wouldn 't ask them to go slower , but of necessity , they would . Henrietta was riding with them as well and lacked experience riding for long hours . The result was that it would likely take them several more days than usual to make the trip so what would normally be about a ten day ride was going to take a full two weeks unless they made other arrangements . Ben decided that other arrangements were in order . Leaving the militia and state officials to sort out the mess , Ben led them as they headed for the nearest town instead of directly home . As they traveled , Adam and Joe noted how their father and Hoss seemed to use any and every excuse to touch them . They got a hand on the shoulder or a hand on the back for almost every conversation with either man . It was as if they had to convince themselves that they really had found them and that they were well . At night , neither Hoss nor Ben would get into their bedroll until they saw that Adam and Joe were resting comfortably , and in the morning , they were up first and did everything telling the two brothers to rest easy until breakfast was ready . Henrietta wasn 't taking any such orders though and got busy making breakfast which turned out to be a good idea for everyone . Hoss especially liked having a professional cook along even if they only spent two days riding . Arriving in the town late the next day , Ben got rooms for everyone at the hotel and then headed to the stage depot to make travel arrangements and then went to the telegraph office to send messages to let Irae know that Adam was found and safe . He let her know their travel plans too . The next morning they boarded the stage for two days of travel to Reno where they again had rooms for the night before they would board the train for Virginia City . The two - week trip was reduced to five days . As they walked to the hotel from the stage depot , Adam realized how exhausting the ride would have been because he was very tired after two days of riding and two days of being on the stage . He was suddenly energized though when he heard a familiar voice . " Adam , oh my God , Adam . " Irae came down the steps of the hotel and rushed to her husband much as Ben suspected she might when he sent her a telegram telling her of their travel plans . Adam wrapped his arms around his wife and for a moment , he and Irae were alone in their own world and no one else existed . Anyone who saw them at that moment would know that their love was as deep as any love could be . He kissed her of course with passion but then he held her close and whispered her name over and over like a mantra as if saying her name would mean that she would never be gone from his side again . Finally he leaned back a little as he realized something was different and placed his hand on her stomach . " That night , the special dinner , you were going to tell me . Sweetheart , I do want another child . I 've had a lot of time to think , and I do want this child very much . I am very happy that we 're having another child . I could not be happier about that than I am right now . " When Adam finished talking , Irae looked at him briefly as if she couldn 't believe he had just said that . After all , he didn 't look entirely like Adam with the beard , and he was so thin , but he had the smile and the eyes and both were so full of love that she knew it was the truth . She kissed him again , and Ben said that perhaps it was time to go into the hotel . Adam nodded , and without letting go of Irae , he walked to the hotel where Ben got keys for rooms and turned to find that Adam and Irae were already gone up to their room . Hoss and Joe grinned at the look Ben had when he looked up the stairs . Hoss whispered something to Joe who snickered so Ben could imagine what he had said . Henrietta rolled her eyes which was an even better indicator of what Hoss had said . Ben told him to mind his manners and then handed a room key to Henrietta who was again surprised to get a nice room to herself . Each time Ben did something nice for her , she was surprised . She kept waiting for these Cartwrights to disappoint her , and they never did . She was beginning to think that they were going to keep those promises they had made to her . If they did , they would be the first men in her life who had . She looked up to heaven and made a quick small prayer that would be true . The next morning , Adam and Irae missed breakfast and had to rush to get to the train station on time . That led to more snickers from Hoss and Joe who made a rude comment about the whisker burn on Irae 's chin . With Hoss and Joe in hearing distance , Henrietta asked Adam if those comments bothered him . " Not at all . They 're jealous . Neither of them has a wife so they have to live vicariously through me . Perhaps you could marry one of them so they wouldn 't be so interested in my marriage ? " " I wouldn 't mind especially the young one . He 's cute . I could take being married to him . Maybe I ought to sit with him and get to know him better . " " That 's a grand idea , Henrietta . " Adam could see Joe cringing and Hoss looking around for some way for the two of them to escape . Ben was amused at his sons ' antics and thought that Hoss and Joe deserved that one . " Adam , that 's enough . Let 's go get this taken care of . " Irae marched her husband to the barber shop and sat with Lake and watched while the barber first trimmed his beard and then wrapped warm damp towels around it to let the beard soak up the moisture before shaving it off . Then he cut Adam 's hair . When the barber finished off the shave and haircut , he turned the chair and Lake clapped his hands at what had seemed to be magic to him . His father had magically appeared from the stranger in the chair . Irae had brought some of Adam 's clothing with her , and although they fit loosely because Adam had lost weight , he now looked more like himself . Lake put out his arms to be held by his father . It was getting late , but it was time to go home . Adam introduced Henrietta to Martha , and the whole group got in the carriage for the ride home . The temperature was dropping and it was clear that the weather was turning . Adam thought about the projects that he had hoped to work on that winter and how things had changed from what he had envisioned three months earlier . When Adam 's carriage rolled into the yard of his home , he was surprised at many things . One was that his family had followed behind him . The most shocking thing though was that the bungalows were not framed in skeletons as he had left them . They had walls , windows , doors , and roofs just as he had envisioned . He jumped from the carriage and almost forgot to help his wife and the others from the carriage as he stood and stared at the side - by - side bungalow building . He shivered a little in the cold wind until Irae coughed to remind him first of all to help them from the carriage , and then to ask if someone would go to the house to get his coat for him . She had forgotten that he did not have a coat with him . " Well , Mason and Morgan knew what you wanted done , and Hoss went down to the homesteaders and hired a crew . They worked for about a month to get everything done . Mason and Morgan wouldn 't let them cut any corners . They said when you got back , you would check every corner and every line to make sure it was square and they didn 't want you to be disappointed . The stoves aren 't installed . No one knew how you wanted that done , and of course the finishing work isn 't done . " That got a laugh from everyone including Adam who grabbed Hoss in a hug . It was as meaningful as a kiss though because they all knew how Adam preferred not to show affection in public . To do this showed how important this was to him . It showed how much Hoss loved him , but also showed that Hoss had not given up and always expected him to come home . Adam went up to the bungalows then to take a look with Hoss as Henrietta looked around at her new home . She never expected the place to look so nice . The hands came out to greet their boss and welcome him home and their genuine happiness at seeing him reinforced her opinion that he was a genuinely good man . She did have one question . " No , well , maybe when I get them finished . For now , they 're not done so you 'll have a room in the house . Irae knows that you saved my life so she 'll accept you as part of our household . I 'll build you a cottage of your own unless you want to stay in one of these bungalows . There 's a kitchen attached to the bunkhouse so that 's ; where you 'll be working . We can show you that tomorrow . " That drew the men 's interest . " Yes , Henrietta is a professional cook and she 'll be doing all the cooking or at least most of it for you from now on . " There were smiles all around from the men on that one . " Oh , I want to , Adam . I 'd like to do that . " The idea of cooking for ten single eligible men who smiled at her made her anxious to do the cooking . They didn 't seem to mind at all that she had that tooth sticking straight out . In fact none of these people seemed to mind at all . She knew she could be happy living here . Maybe they had a doctor who could do something about that tooth for her . No one had been able to help her in the little town where she had lived before going to work in the prison camp . She decided to ask Adam when she had a chance to talk to him in private about it . Meanwhile , she asked the men to show her to the kitchen , and they were more than willing to do it . Within a month , Henrietta was Doctor Martin 's patient and he removed the bone spur that protruded from her lower gum and disfigured her looks so much . She had a slight gap in her lower teeth than but it was much less of a problem for her than the protruding white bone had been which most had assumed had been a tooth . She settled into one of the bungalows once Adam had finished it and installed a stove . Martha welcomed the addition of another woman to the ranch and spent quite a lot of time with Henrietta as the two women became good friends . On Whispering Pines , Adam and Irae settled back into a happy family life and prepared for the birth of their second child . There was only one sour note in the whole family dynamic and that was some lingering resentment that Irae carried against Joe for not firing Trace and Davis when Adam had disputed Joe hiring them . Instead Joe had insisted on keeping them on the payroll , and in her mind , that was why Adam had ended up nearly being killed . Joe asked Adam what he could do about that . " Joe , I 'm your brother , and although you may tire of hearing it , I helped raise you . There 's nothing that could ever make me stop loving you . For Irae though , you did something that threatened her husband , and the father of her children , the son she has and the child she is carrying . With a woman , that 's a very powerful thing . She needs to know that you won 't put me in jeopardy again because of pride or some competition you feel you have to have with me . She wants to know that if I tell you something that you 'll accept it and not take it as a challenge . " " I guess they are . Adam , I will try though . When I thought you might be dead in that cabin because of what I did , I wanted to take it all back and I knew I couldn 't . Then when I was running up that mountain and saw you falling behind , I wanted to run back to be with you , but I didn 't because I did listen to you and knew you were right . I had to do what you told me to do . Adam , I never want you to be hurt . If I ever act like that much of a jackass again , please remind me of this conversation . " " Ifn he don 't , I will . " Hoss had walked in on the last part of the conversation and understood what had been discussed by what Joe had said . " Ifn that don 't work , I know right where to plant one of these boots of mine . " " Not when it 's family , it ain 't . It affected all of us . Joe , why you got such a hard time taking advice from Adam sometimes ? He listened to us about Thomas when all we had was a gut feeling about the man . He might be dead right now ifn he didn 't , but he knows to trust gut feelings sometimes . He had a gut feeling about those two jaspers that something wasn 't right about how they was acting . He tried to help you . " By the time spring rolled around , Roy rode out to give Adam and Joe some news . Trace and Davis had been arrested in Arizona because of the posters that Ben had paid to have printed and the money he had agreed to pay . He asked if they minded if the two men were extradited to Texas to face murder charges instead of to Nevada to face kidnapping , assault , and rustling charges . Neither brother minded at all . Roy had other news for them . Based on information they had given him , he had some very good leads on where Dobie and Eric were but couldn 't be sure . He wondered if the two brothers wanted to pursue the arrest and extradition of the two . Adam and Joe said they would discuss it with Hoss and their father and get back to him . It took some time to come up with an idea . By the time they met with Roy , he gave them a newspaper detailing the capture of Trace and Davis and their extradition to Texas where they were expected to be tried and hanged . It was big news all over the west and was picked up by all the other big newspapers . Roy talked with the Cartwrights and they came up with a plan to identify Dobie and Eric so they could be extradited to Nevada . However not everyone liked the plan especially Irae who expressed her opinion of it one night as she and Adam lay in bed . " Irae , we could have died because of what they did . We can 't let someone do that to us and forget about it . If we did , anyone could do anything to us and think they could get away with it . " With her head against his chest and listening to his heart beating in his chest , Irae couldn 't bear the thought of him being gone again . " Leaf is still so young and Lake is less than two years old . I don 't want you to be gone again . Every time you 're gone , I worry that you won 't come back . " " Sweetheart , that could happen any time I walk out that door even if it 's to ride to town to pick up supplies . I 'm always careful , but there are dangers in the world no matter where I am . This is no more dangerous than anything else that I do . " A few weeks later , Dobie and Eric were sitting in an establishment in Oregon sipping beers when the sheriff walked up to their table . He called them by the names they had been using in that town since they had arrived . The two men got a little nervous when Hoss Cartwright and another man walked up behind the sheriff but Hoss hadn 't ever met them so he wouldn 't be able to identify them especially with the beards they now wore . Frank and Nate were dead , and if the newspapers were correct , Trace and Davis were about to be . Dobie and Eric were feeling reasonably optimistic that they would be able to escape justice for what they had done . " Oh , those are your names , and my brother Joe and I are prepared to swear to it in a court of law . Would you like to amend your statement on that score or would you like to settle this with us outside or in the sheriff 's office ? It 's up to you . I 'm willing to go either way . After losing three months of our lives , we 're committed to seeing this through . " Dobie and Eric had a sudden change of heart and decided to make a full confession of their deeds . They voluntarily returned to Nevada under Deputy Sheriff Clem Foster 's authority and ended up being sentenced to five years in Nevada State Prison . The three brothers returned home safely to the relief of Ben and Irae . Everything had worked out except that the Army contract had been lost . Adam and Hoss agreed to help Joe with rounding up some horses and trying to win the next Army contract except one change was made . They decided to round up horses to break and train , and to train the yearling horses from their own stock and then try to see if they could sell them . When Joe heard Adam 's idea , he wondered why they hadn 't been doing it that way all along , but he knew . That 's the way it had always been done , so their father had done it that way . Adam looked at things with a more critical eye and tried to find better ways of doing things . Soon , they had a string of horses ready to sell and customers bidding to do business with them . Their father 's initial skepticism gave way to acceptance and then enthusiasm as the initial outlay was more than offset by increased profits . Whispering Pines began to operate efficiently too once all the building was completed so that Adam had more time for his family and more time to help on the Ponderosa . Everything was moving along very smoothly . Adam thought he could finally relax a bit and enjoy his life , and Irae was enjoying having Henrietta there to do the cooking for the hands who seemed to enjoy her company as well as her cooking . Martha liked having her there as well . Then one morning about six months after Henrietta arrived at the ranch , she knocked on their door and shocked them . " Adam , I got some news for ya . Now you and Irae been good to me , so I thought I ought to tell you first . I 'm getting married . " Later , Adam had to admit , he had sat with his mouth open a moment . Irae teased him about it and he had to accept that it had been true . She had recovered from the shock much more quickly than he had and rushed to congratulate their cook . Finally shutting his mouth , Adam opened it again . " Yes , congratulations . We will miss you . I don 't know how we could ever replace you . You 've been so invaluable here . " " Well , now I was hoping you 'd say that . " That surprised both Adam and Irae into silence . " You see , I 'm marrying Morgan . We 'd both like to stay on , but we 'd like to have a place of our own too . You said once , you 'd build me a place . I was wondering if you could add a room to the bunkhouse on the other side of the kitchen so that we would have , you know , privacy from the other men . That way I could still be the cook , and Morgan could still work for you , and still be here with his brother . It ain 't easy being part Paiute and he knows that he 's accepted here and he doesn 't want to leave . " It was quite a speech , and Henrietta and Morgan had scripted it and practiced it for a couple of days hoping that they had covered all the salient points . It worked perfectly but they need not have worried . Adam and Irae wouldn 't have needed such an elaborate persuasion . They wanted both of them to stay , and a simple request would have gotten the same response . There were big smiles and enthusiastic agreement to the request . " I want my mother to be able to see me get married and she has to travel here . That could take a week or more once she gets my letter . So I guess in about two weeks or so . We 'll have to let you know on that once she gets here . Adam , I have another question . My father died when I was little . Do you think your father would be willing to walk me down the aisle ? I 'd ask you to do it but you ain 't near old enough to be my father . " " I 'm sure my father would be pleased to do it . If you like , I 'll ask him for you . Would you like the wedding party here on the ranch ? We could have your mother stay in one of the bungalow rooms . If we 've got three weeks , we could have a room added to the bunkhouse for you and Morgan by your wedding day , if you don 't mind the smell of new lumber . " " I think you missed the boat on this one , Hoss . She 's a courageous woman with a great sense of humor who can cook . She saved my life and Joe 's life too . Once Doc took care of her mouth and she got some nice clothes to wear , she 's not too bad looking either . " " That 's true . Morgan doesn 't seem to mind though . Hoss , maybe you ought to marry Bessie Sue . She 's been waiting long enough . " Turning in surprise toward his big brother , Adam looked at Hoss waiting for more information , but Hoss wasn 't ready to talk yet . There was plenty of time to tell his story , but he wasn 't going to share until he she said yes . " Oh don 't go wearing a frown . It 's a good thing . I just ain 't ready to tell you . " Cocking his head at Hoss , Adam had that skeptical look , but Hoss nodded . Adam smiled . " That old pirate still has a few tricks up his sleeve , doesn 't he ? Now , what about Joe ? " " Adam , you know you said years ago that he wasn 't the marrying kind . It was to get that Villon guy to leave town without getting strung up , but you know , sometimes , I think it 's true . Joe can 't seem to hang onto a gal for more than a month or two and his eyes are looking round for the next one . " Hoss hadn 't meant to let Adam know that much , but then he was glad he had . Adam smiled that big grin he had when he was very pleased . " I 'll keep your secret , and I 'll be praying that she says yes very soon too . " Ben came up to his two sons then and asked for a chance to hold his granddaughter which gave Adam a chance to dance with his wife . He held her close for a slow dance and whispered in her ear . " A few years ago at a garden party , I was an unhappy man thinking that my life was mostly wasted and I could see no way to salvage a future of happiness for myself . Then this dark - haired feisty woman walked into the garden and changed my life forever . I love you . " " There 's still that big oak tree at the side of the house and the path that winds out behind it . Lake is with Hoss and Pa has Leaf . Let 's take a walk . " September 20 , 2015 at 4 : 11 pm Awesome sequel and very keeping with the Garden Party alternate reality and to the Bonanza Universe as well ! Are there any prequels to this series yet , when Adam was gone and what he was doing ? I was just curious - thanks for a great read and can 't wait to seeing who Ben and Hoss ' mystery loves are ! ! September 20 , 2015 at 6 : 41 pm No prequel to this one but there will be a third story although it isn 't written yet as I am writing a Candy and Adam story that I promised to write for another reader . I will write the third story in this series when that one is done . The third story will be a lighter story and much more humorous and romantic . Reply Leave a Reply Cancel reply Your email address will not be published . Required fields are marked * Comment Name * Email * Website Time limit is exhausted . Please reload CAPTCHA . This website is officially licensed by Bonanza Ventures . The name BONANZA is a registered trademark of Bonanza Ventures and is used with permission . Bonanza Ventures is not responsible for the content of this web site , and any opinions expressed are the opinions of individuals and not Bonanza Ventures . Read More |
" They 've been there since the day the truck broke down , " he said . " Today 's the first time any have lit on the ground . I watched the way they sailed very carefully at first in case I ever wanted to use them in a story . That 's funny now . " " I wish you wouldn 't , " she said . " You know it doesn 't bother me , " she said . " It 's that I 've gotten so very nervous not being able to do anything . I think we might make it as easy as we can until the plane comes . " " You can take the leg off and that might stop it , though I doubt it . Or you can shoot me . You 're a good shot now . I taught you to shoot , didn 't I ? " " I don 't quarrel . I never want to quarrel . Let 's not quarrel any more . No matter how nervous we get . Maybe they will be back with another truck today . Maybe the plane will come . " " Don 't be silly . I 'm dying now . Ask those bastards . " He looked over to where the huge , filthy birds sat , their naked heads sunk in the hunched feathers . A fourth planed down , to run quick - legged and then waddle slowly toward the others . He lay then and was quiet for a while and looked across the heat shimmer of the plain to the edge of the bush . There were a few Tommies that showed minute and white against the yellow and , far off , he saw a herd of zebra , white against the green of the bush . This was a pleasant camp under big trees against a hill , with good water , and close by , a nearly dry water hole where sand grouse flighted in the mornings . " Wouldn 't you like me to read ? " she asked . She was sitting on a canvas chair beside his cot . " There 's a breeze coming up . Now he would never write the things that he had saved to write until he knew enough to write them well . Well , he would not have to fail at trying to write them either . Maybe you could never write them , and that was why you put them off and delayed the starting . Well he would never know , now . " I wish we 'd never come , " the woman said . She was looking at him holding the glass and biting her lip . " You never would have gotten anything like this in Paris . You always said you loved Paris . We could have stayed in Paris or gone anywhere . I 'd have gone anywhere . I said I 'd go anywhere you wanted . If you wanted to shoot we could have gone shooting in Hungary and been comfortable . " " That 's not fair , " she said . " It was always yours as much as mine . I left everything and I went wherever you wanted to go and I 've done what you wanted to do But I wish we 'd never come here . " " I did when you were all right . But now I hate it . I don 't see why that had to happen to your leg . What have we done to have that happen to us ? " " I suppose what I did was to forget to put iodine on it when I first scratched it . Then I didn 't pay any attention to it because I never infect . Then , later , when it got bad , it was probably using that weak carbolic solution when the other antiseptics ran out that paralyzed the minute blood vessels and started the gangrene . " He looked at her , " What else ' " " If you hadn 't left your own people , your goddamned Old Westbury Saratoga , Palm Beach people to take me on " * ' Why , I loved you . That 's not fair . I love you now . I 'll always love you Don 't you love me ? " Now in his mind he saw a railway station at Karagatch and he was standing with his pack and that was the headlight of the Simplon - Offent cutting the dark now and he was leaving Thrace then after the retreat . That was one of the things he had saved to write , with , in the morning at breakfast , looking out the window and seeing snow on the mountains in Bulgaffa and Nansen 's Secretary asking the old man if it were snow and the old man looking at it and saying , No , that 's not snow . It 's too early for snow . And the Secretary repeating to the other girls , No , you see . It 's not snow and them all saying , It 's not snow we were mistaken . But it was the snow all right and he sent them on into it when he evolved exchange of populations . And it was snow they tramped along in until they died that winter . They were snow - bound a week in the Madlenerhaus that time in the blizzard playing cards in the smoke by the lantern light and the stakes were higher all the time as Herr Lent lost more . Finally he lost it all . Everything , the Skischule money and all the season 's profit and then his capital . He could see him with his long nose , picking up the cards and then opening , " Sans Voir . " There was always gambling then . When there was no snow you gambled and when there was too much you gambled . He thought of all the time in his life he had spent gambling . But he had never written a line of that , nor of that cold , bright Christmas day with the mountains showing across the plain that Barker had flown across the lines to bomb the Austrian officers ' leave train , machine - gunning them as they scattered and ran . He remembered Barker afterwards coming into the mess and starting to tell about it . And how quiet it got and then somebody saying , " You bloody murderous bastard . " Those were the same Austrians they killed then that he skied with later . No not the same . Hans , that he skied with all that year , had been in the Kaiser Jagers and when they went hunting hares together up the little valley above the saw - mill they had talked of the fighting on Pasubio and of the attack on Perticara and Asalone and he had never written a word of that . Nor of Monte Corona , nor the Sette Communi , nor of Arsiero . How many winters had he lived in the Vorarlberg and the Arlberg ? It was four and then he remembered the man who had the fox to sell when they had walked into Bludenz , that time to buy presents , and the cherry - pit taste of good kirsch , the fast - slipping rush of running powder - snow on crust , singing " Hi ! Ho ! said Rolly ! ' ' as you ran down the last stretch to the steep drop , taking it straight , then running the orchard in three turns and out across the ditch and onto the icy road behind the inn . Knocking your bindings loose , kicking the skis free and leaning them up against the wooden wall of the inn , the lamplight coming from the window , where inside , in the smoky , new - wine smelling warmth , they were playing the accordion . " If you have to go away , " she said , " is it absolutely necessary to kill off everything you leave behind ? I mean do you have to take away everything ? Do you have to kill your horse , and your wife and burn your saddle and your armour ? " " All right then . I 'll go on hurting you . It 's more amusing . The only thing I ever really liked to do with you I can 't do now . " " Listen , " he said . " Do you think that it is fun to do this ? I don 't know why I 'm doing it . It 's trying to kill to keep yourself alive , I imagine . I was all right when we started talking . I didn 't mean to start this , and now I 'm crazy as a coot and being as cruel to you as I can be . Don 't pay any attention , darling , to what I say . I love you , really . You know I love you . I 've never loved any one else the way I love you . " " You bitch , " he said . " You rich bitch . That 's poetry . I 'm full of poetry now . Rot and poetry . Rotten poetry . " It was evening now and he had been asleep . The sun was gone behind the hill and there was a shadow all across the plain and the small animals were feeding close to camp ; quick dropping heads and switching tails , he watched them keeping well out away from the bush now . The birds no longer waited on the ground . They were all perched heavily in a tree . There were many more of them . His personal boy was sitting by the bed . She had gone to kill a piece of meat and , knowing how he liked to watch the game , she had gone well away so she would not disturb this little pocket of the plain that he could see . She was always thoughtful , he thought . On anything she knew about , or had read , or that she had ever heard . It was not her fault that when he went to her he was already over . How could a woman know that you meant nothing that you said ; that you spoke only from habit and to be comfortable ? After he no longer meant what he said , his lies were more successful with women than when he had told them the truth . You kept from thinking and it was all marvellous . You were equipped with good insides so that you did not go to pieces that way , the way most of them had , and you made an attitude that you cared nothing for the work you used to do , now that you could no longer do it . But , in yourself , you said that you would write about these people ; about the very rich ; that you were really not of them but a spy in their country ; that you would leave it and write of it and for once it would be written by some one who knew what he was writing of . But he would never do it , because each day of not writing , of comfort , of being that which he despised , dulled his ability and softened his will to work so that , finally , he did no work at all . The people he knew now were all much more comfortable when he did not work . Africa was where he had been happiest in the good time of his life , so he had come out here to start again . They had made this safari with the minimum of comfort . There was no hardship ; but there was no luxury and he had thought that he could get back into training that way . That in some way he could work the fat off his soul the way a fighter went into the mountains to work and train in order to burn it out of his body . She had liked it . She said she loved it . She loved anything that was exciting , that involved a change of scene , where there were new people and where things were pleasant . And he had felt the illusion of returning strength of will to work . Now if this was how it ended , and he knew it was , he must not turn like some snake biting itself because its back was broken . It wasn 't this woman 's fault . If it had not been she it would have been another . If he lived by a lie he should try to die by it . He heard a shot beyond the hill . She shot very well this good , this rich bitch , this kindly caretaker and destroyer of his talent . Nonsense . He had destroyed his talent himself . Why should he blame this woman because she kept him well ? He had destroyed his talent by not using it , by betrayals of himself and what he believed in , by drinking so much that he blunted the edge of his perceptions , by laziness , by sloth , and by snobbery , by pride and by prejudice , by hook and by crook . What was this ? A catalogue of old books ? What was his talent anyway ? It was a talent all right but instead of using it , he had traded on it . It was never what he had done , but always what he could do . And he had chosen to make his living with something else instead of a pen or a pencil . It was strange , too , wasn 't it , that when he fell in love with another woman , that woman should always have more money than the last one ? But when he no longer was in love , when he was only lying , as to this woman , now , who had the most money of all , who had all the money there was , who had had a husband and children , who had taken lovers and been dissatisfied with them , and who loved him dearly as a writer , as a man , as a companion and as a proud possession ; it was strange that when he did not love her at all and was lying , that he should be able to give her more for her money than when he had really loved . We must all be cut out for what we do , he thought . However you make your living is where your talent lies . He had sold vitality , in one form or another , all his life and when your affections are not too involved you give much better value for the money . He had found that out but he would never write that , now , either . No , he would not write that , although it was well worth writing . Now she came in sight , walking across the open toward the camp . She was wearing jodphurs and carrying her rifle . The two boys had a Tommie slung and they were coming along behind her . She was still a good - looking woman , he thought , and she had a pleasant body . She had a great talent and appreciation for the bed , she was not pretty , but he liked her face , she read enormously , liked to ride and shoot and , certainly , she drank too much . Her husband had died when she was still a comparatively young woman and for a while she had devoted herself to her two just - grown children , who did not need her and were embarrassed at having her about , to her stable of horses , to books , and to bottles . She liked to read in the evening before dinner and she drank Scotch and soda while she read . By dinner she was fairly drunk and after a bottle of wine at dinner she was usually drunk enough to sleep . That was before the lovers . After she had the lovers she did not drink so much because she did not have to be drunk to sleep . But the lovers bored her . She had been married to a man who had never bored her and these people bored her very much . Then one of her two children was killed in a plane crash and after that was over she did not want the lovers , and drink being no anaesthetic she had to make another life . Suddenly , she had been acutely frightened of being alone . But she wanted some one that she respected with her . It had begun very simply . She liked what he wrote and she had always envied the life he led . She thought he did exactly what he wanted to . The steps by which she had acquired him and the way in which she had finally fallen in love with him were all part of a regular progression in which she had built herself a new life and he had traded away what remained of his old life . He had traded it for security , for comfort too , there was no denying that , and for what else ? He did not know . She would have bought him anything he wanted . He knew that . She was a damned nice woman too . He would as soon be in bed with her as any one ; rather with her , because she was richer , because she was very pleasant and appreciative and because she never made scenes . And now this life that she had built again was coming to a term because he had not used iodine two weeks ago when a thorn had scratched his knee as they moved forward trying to photograph a herd of waterbuck standing , their heads up , peering while their nostrils searched the air , their ears spread wide to hear the first noise that would send them rushing into the bush . They had bolted , too , before he got the picture . " I shot a Tommy ram , " she told him . " He 'll make you good broth and I 'll have them mash some potatoes with the Klim . How do you feel ? " " I love it . I 've loved Africa . Really . If you 're all right it 's the most fun that I 've ever had . You don 't know the fun it 's been to shoot with you . I 've loved the country . " " Darling , you don 't know how marvellous it is to see you feeling better . I couldn 't stand it when you felt that way . You won 't talk to me like that again , will you ? Promise me ? " " You don 't have to destroy me . Do you ? I 'm only a middle - aged woman who loves you and wants to do what you want to do . I 've been destroyed two or three times already . You wouldn 't want to destroy me again , would you ? " " I 'm sure . It 's bound to come . The boys have the wood all ready and the grass to make the smudge . I went down and looked at it again today . There 's plenty of room to land and we have the smudges ready at both ends . " " I 'm sure it will . It 's overdue now . Then , in town , they will fix up your leg and then we will have some good destruction . Not that dreadful talking kind . " Drinking together , with no pain now except the discomfort of lying in the one position , the boys lighting a fire , its shadow jumping on the tents , he could feel the return of acquiescence in this life of pleasant surrender . She was very good to him . He had been cruel and unjust in the afternoon . She was a fine woman , marvellous really . And just then it occurred to him that he was going to die . " I 'm going in to bathe , " she said . " I 'll be right out . I 'll eat with you and then we 'll put the cot in . " So , he said to himself , we did well to stop the quarrelling . He had never quarrelled much with this woman , while with the women that he loved he had quarrelled so much they had finally , always , with the corrosion of the quarrelling , killed what they had together . He had loved too much , demanded too much , and he wore it all out . He thought about alone in Constantinople that time , having quarrelled in Paris before he had gone out . He had whored the whole time and then , when that was over , and he had failed to kill his loneliness , but only made it worse , he had written her , the first one , the one who left him , a letter telling her how he had never been able to kill it … How when he thought he saw her outside the Regence one time it made him go all faint and sick inside , and that he would follow a woman who looked like her in some way , along the Boulevard , afraid to see it was not she , afraid to lose the feeling it gave him . How every one he had slept with had only made him miss her more . How what she had done could never matter since he knew he could not cure himself of loving her . He wrote this letter at the Club , cold sober , and mailed it to New York asking her to write him at the of fice in Paris . That seemed safe . And that night missing her so much it made him feel hollow sick inside , he wandered up past Maxim 's , picked a girl up and took her out to supper . He had gone to a place to dance with her afterward , she danced badly , and left her for a hot Armenian slut , that swung her belly against him so it almost scalded . He took her away from a British gunner subaltern after a row . The gunner asked him outside and they fought in the street on the cobbles in the dark . He 'd hit him twice , hard , on the side of the jaw and when he didn 't go down he knew he was in for a fight . The gunner hit him in the body , then beside his eye . He swung with his left again and landed and the gunner fell on him and grabbed his coat and tore the sleeve off and he clubbed him twice behind the ear and then smashed him with his right as he pushed him away . When the gunner went down his head hit first and he ran with the girl because they heard the M . P . 's coming . They got into a taxi and drove out to Rimmily Hissa along the Bosphorus , and around , and back in the cool night and went to bed and she felt as over - ripe as she looked but smooth , rose - petal , syrThat same night he left for Anatolia and he remembered , later on that trip , riding all day through fields of the poppies that they raised for opium and how strange it made you feel , finally , and all the distances seemed wrong , to where they had made the attack with the newly arrived Constantine officers , that did not know a god - damned thing , and the artillery had fired into the troops and the British observer had cried like a child . That was the day he 'd first seen dead men wearing white ballet skirts and upturned shoes with pompons on them . The Turks had come steadily and lumpily and he had seen the skirted men running and the of ficers shooting into them and running then themselves and he and the British observer had run too until his lungs ached and his mouth was full of the taste of pennies and they stopped behind some rocks and there were the Turks coming as lumpily as ever . Later he had seen the things that he could never think of and later still he had seen much worse . So when he got back to Paris that time he could not talk about it or stand to have it mentioned . And there in the cafe as he passed was that American poet with a pile of saucers in front of him and a stupid look on his potato face talking about the Dada movement with a Roumanian who said his name was Tristan Tzara , who always wore a monocle and had a headache , and , back at the apartment with his wife that now he loved again , the quarrel all over , the madness all over , glad to be home , the office sent his mail up to the flat . So then the letter in answer to the one he 'd written came in on a platter one morning and when he saw the hand writing he went cold all over and tried to slip the letter underneath another . But his wife said , " Who is that letter from , dear ? " and that was the end of the beginning of that . He remembered the good times with them all , and the quarrels . They always picked the finest places to have the quarrels . And why had they always quarrelled when he was feeling best ? He had never written any of that because , at first , he never wanted to hurt any one and then it seemed as though there was enough to write without it . But he had always thought that he would write it finally . There was so much to write . He had seen the world change ; not just the events ; although he had seen many of them and had watched the people , but he had seen the subtler change and he could remember how the people were at different times . He had been in it and he had watched it and it was his duty to write of it ; but now he never would . " Why don 't you use your nose ? I 'm rotted half way up my thigh now . What the hell should I fool with broth for ? Molo bring whiskey - soda . " " They can bring my net out later and hang it from the tree and build the fire up . I 'm not going in the tent tonight . It 's not worth moving . It 's a clear night . There won 't be any rain . " So this was how you died , in whispers that you did not hear . Well , there would be no more quarrelling . He could promise that . The one experience that he had never had he was not going to spoil now . He probably would . You spoiled everything . But perhaps he wouldn 't . There was a log house , chinked white with mortar , on a hill above the lake . There was a bell on a pole by the door to call the people in to meals . Behind the house were fields and behind the fields was the timber . A line of lombardy poplars ran from the house to the dock . Other poplars ran along the point . A road went up to the hills along the edge of the timber and along that road he picked blackberries . Then that log house was burned down and all the guns that had been on deer foot racks above the open fire place were burned and afterwards their barrels , with the lead melted in the magazines , and the stocks burned away , lay out on the heap of ashes that were used to make lye for the big iron soap kettles , and you asked Grandfather if you could have them to play with , and he said , no . You see they were his guns still and he never bought any others . Nor did he hunt any more . The house was rebuilt in the same place out of lumber now and painted white and from its porch you saw the poplars and the lake beyond ; but there were never any more guns . The barrels of the guns that had hung on the deer feet on the wall of the log house lay out there on the heap of ashes and no one ever touched them . In the Black Forest , after the war , we rented a trout stream and there were two ways to walk to it . One was down the valley from Triberg and around the valley road in the shade of the trees that bordered the white road , and then up a side road that went up through the hills past many small farms , with the big Schwarzwald houses , until that road crossed the stream . That was where our fishing began . The other way was to climb steeply up to the edge of the woods and then go across the top of the hills through the pine woods , and then out to the edge of a meadow and down across this meadow to the bridge . There were birches along the stream and it was not big , but narrow , clear and fast , with pools where it had cut under the roots of the birches . At the Hotel in Triberg the proprietor had a fine season . It was very pleasant and we were all great friends . The next year came the inflation and the money he had made the year before was not enough to buy supplies to open the hotel and he hanged himself . You could dictate that , but you could not dictate the Place Contrescarpe where the flower sellers dyed their flowers in the street and the dye ran over the paving where the autobus started and the old men and the women , always drunk on wine and bad mare ; and the children with their noses running in the cold ; the smell of dirty sweat and poverty and drunkenness at the Cafe ' des Amateurs and the whores at the Bal Musette they lived above . The concierge who entertained the trooper of the Garde Republicaine in her loge , his horse - hair - plumed helmet on a chair . The locataire across the hall whose husband was a bicycle racer and her joy that morning at the cremerie when she had opened L ' Auto and seen where he placed third in Paris - Tours , his first big race . She had blushed and laughed and then gone upstairs crying with the yellow sporting paper in her hand . The husband of the woman who ran the Bal Musette drove a taxi and when he , Harry , had to take an early plane the husband knocked upon the door to wake him and they each drank a glass of white wine at the zinc of the bar before they started . He knew his neighbors in that quarter then because they all were poor . Around that Place there were two kinds ; the drunkards and the sportifs . The drunkards killed their poverty that way ; the sportifs took it out in exercise . They were the descendants of the Communards and it was no struggle for them to know their politics . They From the apartment you could only see the wood and coal man 's place . He sold wine too , bad wine . The golden horse 's head outside the Boucherie Chevaline where the carcasses hung yellow gold and red in the open window , and the green painted co - operative where they bought their wine ; good wine and cheap . The rest was plaster walls and the windows of the neighbors . The neighbors who , at night , when some one lay drunk in the street , moaning and groaning in that typical French ivresse that you were propaganded to believe did not exist , would open their windows and then the murmur of talk . " Where is the policeman ? When you don 't want him the bugger is always there . He 's sleeping with some concierge . Get the Agent . " Till some one threw a bucket of water from a window and the moaning stopped . " What 's that ? Water . Ah , that 's intelligent . " And the windows shutting . Marie , his femme de menage , protesting against the eight - hour day saying , " If a husband works until six he gets only a riffle drunk on the way home and does not waste too much . If he works only until five he is drunk every night and one has no money . It is the wife of the working man who suffers from this shortening of hours . When she goes , he thought , I 'll have all I want . Not all I want but all there is . Ayee he was tired . Too tired . He was going to sleep a little while . He lay still and death was not there . It must have gone around another street . It went in pairs , on bicycles , and moved absolutely silently on the pavements . What about the ranch and the silvered gray of the sage brush , the quick , clear water in the irrigation ditches , and the heavy green of the alfalfa . The trail went up into the hills and the cattle in the summer were shy as deer . The bawling and the steady noise and slow moving mass raising a dust as you brought them down in the fall . And behind the mountains , the clear sharpness of the peak in the evening light and , riding down along the trail in the moonlight , bright across the valley . Now he remembered coming down through the timber in the dark holding the horse 's tail when you could not see and all the stories that he meant to write . About the half - wit chore boy who was left at the ranch that time and told not to let any one get any hay , and that old bastard from the Forks who had beaten the boy when he had worked for him stopping to get some feed . The boy refusing and the old man saying he would beat him again . The boy got the rifle from the kitchen and shot him when he tried to come into the barn and when they came back to the ranch he 'd been dead a week , frozen in the corral , and the dogs had eaten part of him . But what was left you packed on a sled wrapped in a blanket and roped on and you got the boy to help you haul it , and the two of you took it out over the road on skis , and sixty miles down to town to turn the boy over . He having no idea that he would be arrested . Thinking he had done his duty and that you were his friend and he would be rewarded . He 'd helped to haul the old man in so everybody could know how bad the old man had been and how he 'd tried to steal some feed that didn 't belong to him , and when the sheriff put the handcuffs on the boy he couldn 't believe it . Then he 'd started to cry . That was one story he had saved to write . He knew at least twenty good stories from out there and he had never written one . Why ? She didn 't drink so much , now , since she had him . But if he lived he would never write about her , he knew that now . Nor about any of them . The rich were dull and they drank too much , or they played too much backgammon . They were dull and they were repetitious . He remembered poor Julian and his romantic awe of them and how he had started a story once that began , " The very rich are different from you and me . " And how some one had said to Julian , Yes , they have more money . But that was not humorous to Julian . He thought they were a special glamourous race and when he found they weren 't it wrecked him just as much as any other thing that wrecked him . He had been contemptuous of those who wrecked . You did not have to like it because you understood it . He could beat anything , he thought , because no thing could hurt him if he did not care . All right . Now he would not care for death . One thing he had always dreaded was the pain . He could stand pain as well as any man , until it went on too long , and wore him out , but here he had something that had hurt frightfully and just when he had felt it breaking him , the pain had stopped . He remembered long ago when Williamson , the bombing officer , had been hit by a stick bomb some one in a German patrol had thrown as he was coming in through the wire that night and , screaming , had begged every one to kill him . He was a fat man , very brave , and a good officer , although addicted to fantastic shows . But that night he was caught in the wire , with a flare lighting him up and his bowels spilled out into the wire , so when they brought him in , alive , they had to cut him loose . Shoot me , Harry . For Christ sake shoot me . They had had an argument one time about our Lord never sending you anything you could not bear and some one 's theory had been that meant that at a certain time the pain passed you out automatically . But he had always remembered Williamson , that night . Nothing passed out Williamson until he gave him all his morphine tablets that he had always saved to use himself and then they did not work right away . No , he thought , when everything you do , you do too long , and do too late , you can 't expect to find the people still there . The people all are gone . The party 's over and you are with your hostess now . He looked at her face between him and the fire . She was leaning back in the chair and the firelight shone on her pleasantly lined face and he could see that she was sleepy . He heard the hyena make a noise just outside the range of the fire . " Never believe any of that about a scythe and a skull , " he told her . " It can be two bicycle policemen as easily , or be a bird . Or it can have a wide snout like a hyena . " " Thanks . I 'll just have some tea . It 's the Puss Moth you know . I won 't be able to take the Memsahib . There 's only room for one . Your lorry is on the way . " " We 'll get you right in , " he said . " I 'll be back for the Mem . Now I 'm afraid I 'll have to stop at Arusha to refuel . We 'd better get going . " The boys had picked up the cot and carried it around the green tents and down along the rock and out onto the plain and along past the smudges that were burning brightly now , the grass all consumed , and the wind fanning the fire , to the little plane . It was difficult getting him in , but once in he lay back in the leather seat , and the leg was stuck straight out to one side of the seat where Compton sat . Compton started the motor and got in . He waved to Helen and to the boys and , as the clatter moved into the old familiar roar , they swung around with Compie watching for warthog holes and roared , bumping , along the stretch between the fires and with the last bump rose and he saw them all standing below , waving , and the camp beside the hill , flattening now , and the plain spreading , clumps of trees , and the bush flattening , while the game trails ran now smoothly to the dry waterholes , and there was a new water that he had never known of . The zebra , small rounded backs now , and the wildebeeste , big - headed dots seeming to climb as they moved in long fingers across the plain , now scattering as the shadow came toward them , they were tiny now , and the movement had no gallop , and the plain as far as you could see , gray - yellow now and ahead old Compie 's tweed back and the brown felt hat . Then they were over the first hills and the wildebeeste were trailing up them , and then they were over mountains with sudden depths of green - rising forest and the solid bamboo slopes , and then the heavy forest again , sculptured into peaks and hollows until they crossed , and hills sloped down and then another plain , hot now , and purple brown , bumpy with heat and Compie looking back to see how he was riding . Then there were other mountains dark ahead . And then instead of going on to Arusha they turned left , he evidently figured that they had the gas , and looking down he saw a pink sifting cloud , moving over the ground , and in the air , like the first snow in at ii blizzard , that comes from nowhere , and he knew the locusts were coming , up from the South . Then they began to climb and they were going to the East it seemed , and then it darkened and they were in a storm , the rain so thick it seemed like flying through a waterfall , and then they were out and Compie turned his head and grinned and pointed and there , ahead , all he could see , as wide as all the world , great , high , and unbelievably white in the sun , was the square top of Kilimanjaro . And then he knew that there was where he was going . Just then the hyena stopped whimpering in the night and started to make a strange , human , almost crying sound . The woman heard it and , stirred uneasily . She did not wake . In her dream she was at the house on Long Island and it was the night before her daughter 's debut . Somehow her father was there and he had been very rude . Then the noise the hyena made was so loud she woke and for a moment she did not know where she was and she was very afraid . Then she took the flashlight and shone it on the other cot that they had carried in after Harry had gone to sleep . She could see his bulk under the mosquito bar but somehow he had gotten his leg out and it hung down alongside the cot . The dressings had all come down and she could not look at it . Top Posts Pen Portraits - Oscar Wilde pen portraits - Emperor Justinian and Theodora Our Lady 's Juggler - a short story by Anatole France Aesop Fables in comic strip format - 1 Parody on the speech , ' Tomorrow , tomorrow . . . ' Macbeth , Ac . v ; sc . v Marginalia : why another Bible Study guide ? Pen Portraits - Joseph Priestley Griffith and Eisenstein Pen Portraits - Danton , Georges Jacques Ballad of the PizzaGate June 2017 |
" Elena ! Wait ! " He caught her elbow and turned her to face him , " I wanted to talk a minute before you went home . " Johnathan looked down at his feet and then back at Elena . She was looking into his eyes expectantly . " I just - Well I wanted to say … " He struggled , then met her gaze , " I wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed this afternoon . I missed your company more than I realized . I just wanted you to know , before you left for the night . " He exhaled . Elena smiled , " I 'm glad , because well , " She looked down , and the smiled up at him , " I missed you too . Do you want to know a secret though ? " She dropped her voice , and he leaned in . She grabbed his hands , " I 'm staying here this summer . " " Yes , I suppose we will . Goodnight Johnny , " She pulled away slowly and walked up the stairs . Johnathan stared at her as she left . It took him much longer to get to sleep that evening . Every day after that went the same as those before . The two grew close , and even shared a kiss from time to time . Their closeness was undeniable . That evening , Elena took a book she 'd been meaning to read from the library and retreated to her room with a kiss and a whisper of love for Johnathan . He had trouble sleeping again that night . In the morning , Elena did not attend breakfast . Johnathan thought that she must have stayed up late reading . After breakfast , he headed to the library missing her . Elena wasn 't in the there either . As he looked among the bookcases , Johnathan began to get more concerned . He couldn 't figure out why she wouldn 't have come straight here . Johnathan decided to check the conservatory before heading to Elena 's room . As he entered the conservatory , Johnathan felt his stomach knot up . Laying on the floor of the Killing Jar was Elena . The chemical system was running . She wasn 't moving . " Elena , " He pleaded , " E , please wake up . E ? " The door closed and latched behind him . " Elena ? ELENA ! " Johnathan began to shout , " WAKE UP ! E ! YOU HAVE TO WAKE UP ! " She wasn 't breathing . " You see , among my collections , I felt I was missing something , " Edward began as he approached the Killing Jar , " It was something that had been eating at me . It was like a puzzle I couldn 't solve . I was missing something in my galleries , something simple , but I couldn 't quite discern what . " Edward was grinning broadly now , " Just a few months ago , it came to me as if on a bolt of lightning ! " " It wasn 't one thing that was missing , it was two things . Humans ! Male and Female to be precise , " Edward 's eyes were glowing and he was grinning maniacally , " No other collection in the world , of any size had Humans in it . I am going to be the only one ! It 's a shame I 'm losing a nephew , but I 'm gaining so much more . " Elena had grown into a beautiful young woman . Her bright green eyes were the color of warm summer grass , and her long hair was every color from sandy brown to golden oak to rich coppery red depending on how the sun hit it . She had her slim glasses on , and her long wavy hair pulled up in a pony tail as she furrowed her brow intently at the book she was reading . Elena looked up , startled , " Johnathan ! " She shrieked , " I didn 't know it was you I 'd be working with ! " She jumped up and raced towards him . As she embraced him warmly , Johnathan realized that Elena was more shapely than he 'd recalled . The color rose in his face . As he reluctantly let go of the embrace , Johnathan noticed that Elena had not released him yet . Her hair smelled of coconut . As she backed away , Elena studied him . " Well you certainly grew , Johnny , " she smiled warmly , " Especially in the shoulders , and arms … " She trailed off . " Anyway ! While it 's wonderful to see you , our catching up will have to wait until lunch . We 've got work to do ! " She bounced back to the desk . " It says here it 's a fruit bat today . Let 's get in there and get to it . " She gathered her notes and started toward the door . Elena stopped short , and turned around quickly . " Yes . We do , " she was nearly touching him . " But now , to work ! " She bounced across the hall . The work continued mostly in silence , except for the occasional chatter about what to do next . At 10 , a gentleman entered through the back door carrying a cage with a small bat in it . The bat was flying around weakly , trying to escape . Johnathan opened the door on the side of the Jar and the man stepped inside . He knelt down and fiddled with the cage , then stood up and retreated quickly . The bat lay on the floor of the Jar . Johnathan closed and latched the door . The bat began to stir . Johnathan activated the chemical vapor unit . Nothing changed . " So should I not talk to you while you 're observing ? " Johnathan wondered , " I was just curious , because I really would like to do this work for Uncle well . I don 't want to cause any problems . " " We can talk , " Elena replied , watching the bat , " I only really need to make specific notes if something out of the ordinary happens during this time . If I miss it while carrying on a conversation then it likely isn 't noteworthy . " She smiled coyly and met his eye , " So long as I don 't get distracted . " At lunch , Elena and Johnathan began to get more comfortable with one another . They spent the afternoon wandering around the grounds talking . They talked about the last four years , they talked about the future , and they talked about all the time that they used to spend together . By the time they were headed back to the house for dinner , it was as if they had never spent any time apart . Dinner was a different story . " It is and does exactly what I just said , " Edward responded sharply , " Though I suppose it is a bit odd if you aren 't familiar with them . This is a Killing Jar . A Killing Jar is typically used by entomologists to kill and preserve insect specimens . This particular jar is the only one of its kind . I had it specially created for my newest project . " " I 'm glad that you 're curious Nephew , it means that you ought to handle the work that I have for you with the inquisitiveness and delicacy that it requires . " Edward said gleefully . " You see Nephew , I have become a bit of a collector in recent years . I had taken a trip to a friend 's house , and he is an avid insect collector . He showed me his collection , which spanned multiple large galleries in his home . I became inspired ! This collection was impressive , but many people have insect collections . There is nothing unique about one of those except for maybe a few exceptionally rare individual specimens . What intrigued me was the prospect of taking the techniques of insect collection and creating a much more one - of - a - kind series of galleries . To that end , I have begun to collect all manner of creatures , common and exceptional alike , and preserving them in a fashion not unlike an entomologist might . The difference being that my galleries include everything from insects to arachnids , amphibians to reptiles , invertebrates to mammals . I currently have the most extensive collection of preserved creatures ever known to man , and it is expanding constantly ! " Edward smiled broadly , " I knew you were the right one for the job Nephew , you 're such a bright young man . You will begin your work in the morning . I have many individuals collecting samples for me . They will be delivering the specimens through the rear entrance to the conservatory . They will handle the creatures , your work will consist of preparing the Jar with the appropriate chemicals for each specimen . The goal is for the specimen to suffer no damage except the minor inconvenience of not living any longer . You will have one creature per day , delivered at 10 am sharp ! It will likely take most of the rest of the day for the inevitable to happen . You will then press the switch in the library indicating that your work is done for the day . My laboratory assistants will take care of preparing your work area for the next day . They prefer to work overnight , however , so you shouldn 't have much interaction with them . After you retire for the evening , what you do with your leisure time is … your business , " Edward smiled his discomforting smile again . " Ah yes . The young lady . " Edward 's eyes glinted , " She is here to record for posterity every minutiae of the process from the preparation of the Jar until the specimen is ready to be delivered to my galleries . She has been informed of the nature of the work , and seems to possess the constitution necessary to properly record the events . " Johnathan returned to his room filled with excitement . He was never sure what he had planned to do for employment , but he was pleasantly surprised to realize that he was intrigued by the work he would be doing . Maybe he would find some direction that would keep him from ending up working in a retail shop for the rest of his life . Johnathan joined is Great Uncle for dinner at 6 pm as he had many times before . There had never been much conversation at the table , which was not unusual . Great Uncle Edward never seemed to have much to say when he wasn 't discussing his work . After a quiet but pleasant meal , Johnathan returned to his room . He suddenly felt weary from his day of travel and decided to read a bit before bed . It wasn 't long before the words began to swim on the page . Johnathan laid the book aside , changed into his sleep clothes and went to bed early . After showering and getting dressed for the day , Johnathan went down to breakfast . As usual , his Great Uncle had been and left the table . He was gone to his study to continue working . Johnathan ate a modest meal , and left plenty of time to get to the conservatory . He had to keep himself from hurrying to the library . As he approached the library , butterflies erupted in his stomach . It had been four years since Johnathan had last seen Elena , and she had been growing more beautiful by the minute then . As he knocked quietly and pushed the door open , he saw Elena sitting at the desk that had been prepared for her . He was not disappointed . As he made his way into the hallway that led to the study , Johnathan slowed to a walk to catch his breath . He knew that if he showed up in the study out of breath and sweating , he would just receive twice the scolding from his Great Uncle . He smoothed his shirt as he approached the door . Johnathan opened the door carefully , mindful of the possibility of papers or books lying about . The desk sat in front of the large eastern windows that covered most of the wall . While the desk itself was free of everything save the book his Great Uncle was reading , the rest of the flat space in the study was covered in stacks of paper , books , journals , or some combination of the three . There was one uncomfortable looking wooden chair that had been placed directly in front of his Great Uncle 's desk . " Johnathan ! " Edward barked , " Look up here ! There 's nothing for you in this book , and I want to speak to your face , not the top of your head ! " " It 's good to see you boy , " his Great Uncle began , " I haven 't gotten to visit with you as often as I might have liked in the last few years . I know a young man has other things to do besides visiting his quarrelsome uncle , but I would be lying if I said I hadn 't noticed your absence more than I thought I might . " Johnathan relaxed visibly . " I feel the same way , Uncle Edward , " he said with genuine warmness , " It feels ages since we 've been to see you . We shouldn 't have let ourselves put it off so long . I am truly sorry we haven 't come to see you sooner . " " Well I understand that my Nephew sent you to me as a kind of punishment over your holidays . I feel that I ought to be offended , but oddly enough , I 'm not . " His Great Uncle 's grin was less reassuring than Johnathan assumed it was meant to be . " As it turns out , my sentimentality aside , I 've need of some assistance at the moment , " Edward continued . " I 've begun working on a particularly exciting project that has been decades in the making , and I need a sharp mind and a strong back to help me . " " Actually , not only you , but your sweet young friend Elena will be assisting me as well . I can 't be bothered to keep notes on the work , arrange it , and do the heavy lifting all at the same time , " Edward said dismissively . Even so he noticed the glimmer in Johnathan 's eyes at the mention of Elena . " So you won 't be complaining about who you 'll be working with most often then , I assume ? " Johnathan reddened . " Now , now , I think I 'd be more concerned if you didn 't want to work next to that beauty . She 's only gotten prettier , you know . " " Enough about her , " his Great Uncle boomed , " I 'm sure you 'll be thinking of her as much as your work allows . Let me show you where you 'll be working . " Johnathan noticed that his Great Uncle 's eyes had gotten bright , as they only did when he spoke about his work . Edward led Johnathan from the study , and began walking toward the far end of the North Wing . Johnathan had never been allowed down these hallways before . He 'd always been shooed away by the serving staff any time he found himself here . Eventually he had begun to avoid it specifically to avoid the scolding . " Straight ahead , that door leads to my basement workshop , " Edward began , " You should have no need to be in there , so it will remain locked . On the left , that is the conservatory . That is where you will be doing nearly all of your work . Here on the right is the library . That is where your belle will be organizing her work , though I suspect the two of you will manage to find yourselves in one another 's company more often than not . " Edward 's grin was still not entirely reassuring . Edward slid the key into the lock . It turned smoothly and a faint click as the lock disengaged was the only sound in the hall . Edward swung the door open to reveal a conservatory the size of a small house . It was made of wrought iron and leaded glass that was kept spotless . There were plants of every shape and size lining the walls . There were so many different kinds of flowers that Johnathan hadn 't even seen pictures of some of them . A large space had been cleared out in the center of the conservatory for what appeared to be a glass bottle about twenty feet tall . It had a neck at the top with a ladder that led up the side . There was also a doorway on the side , the door also made of glass . Both openings had complicated looking latches and a reddish band around them . Johnathan wasn 't sure whether he ought to be pleased or disappointed . He 'd been sent to his Great Uncle Edward 's house for the summer holidays . On the one hand , his Great Uncle was a smart , rich , busy man who very much enjoyed the company of young Johnathan ; on the other hand , his Great Uncle was also strict , unforgiving , and had strange hobbies . This trip was meant to be a punishment for the terrible marks he 'd been getting at school , but he couldn 't keep from being at least a little excited . The way Johnathan saw it , he got to spend several weeks away from his nagging parents and their stupid rules . If that meant he had to stay in his Great Uncle 's creepy old house , and maybe do a little bit of hard work for it , then that was fine by him . Besides that , his old friend Elena still lived in the estate next to his Uncle 's . Johnathan had always liked Elena more than the boys his age . His father enjoyed coming to Uncle Edward 's estate on holidays often , and so Johnathan got to spend a great deal of time with Elena . While he felt a close bond with her , he did begin to notice what all boys notice when they spend time with girls their own age . He had never mentioned it to Elena , and she had never said anything to him , but the connection was there . There were glances that made him wonder , and touches that lingered longer than necessary . As such , he could never really see an opportunity to see Elena as anything but a boon . Johnathan arrived in town via train on a wet May afternoon . It had rained for several days , and so there was a slight chill to the rain . The air felt heavy and thick , like walking through cold steam . It was a discomforting feeling . After finding the servant Great Uncle Edward had sent to the station to retrieve him , Johnathan hefted his bags into the old car . It was a shorter walk than he had remembered . Likely because he wanted it to take some time . Soon , he reached the Main House , and noticed that his bags were still sitting outside by the edge of the driveway . There was no one waiting to greet him there , and Johnathan couldn 't keep from being a little disappointed . With no one to ask , he made his way toward the room he had always stayed in when they visited here . When he reached his room in the East Wing , he found a note taped to his door in his Great Uncle 's distinctive script . You 'll be staying here in this room , as I suspect you rightfully assumed . When you 've finished putting your things away , I want you to come to the study in the North Wing . I 've got some things I 'd like to discuss with you , but I 'm busy here . I expect you to make haste . - Edward Johnathan hadn 't brought a lot of things . He had decided that simpler was better for this trip , and had brought mostly clothes . Since his Great Uncle was so eccentric , the library at the house was full of many interesting books . Johnathan thought that between anything his Great Uncle required of him , the books , and hopefully Elena , he shouldn 't want for things to fill his time . As he began to unpack his second bag , a thought caused his heart to quicken : When had Uncle Edward left that note ? His heart began to beat even faster . The last thing he wanted to do on his first day here was upset his Great Uncle , and he 'd already been late from the drive , and wasted more time walking from the gatehouse . Now , he had spent too long lazily unpacking his things . He cursed as he began to race towards the north end of the house . As much he enjoyed visits to his Great Uncle 's , time with Uncle Edward was always a delicate balancing act . Uncle Edward was brilliant , he loved teaching the children new things about science and art , but he was a demanding man and could be cruel when he was in a mood . Johnathan had rarely experienced his Great Uncle 's displeasure , but he had witnessed it many times . In one particularly unforgettable visit , Uncle Edward had several projects go wrong at the same time . This caused him to fire his entire house staff at the same time . With no kitchen staff , Johnathan 's family was forced to eat mostly canned soup and peanut butter sandwiches for two days until his father confronted Uncle Edward . The two men ended their shouting match with a brief fistfight and that trip was cut short . As such , he had no desire to upset his Great Uncle . Over the next 5 days , I 'm going to be posting my first attempt a short story . I 've had it done for a while , but I wasn 't sure what I wanted to do with it . I decided to post in in 5 bite sized pieces , one each day this week . I probably won 't be changing this as I have no larger plans for it , but all feedback is welcome . Warnings now , it 's around 5 , 000 words total , so it 's not crazy long but not a 2 minute read either . It is fiction , I 'd say count on PG - 13 content level . you 've been warned I heard her talking . I was more interested in the steam rising from my second cup of coffee . The steam was rising in a nice tight spiral this morning . That was usually a sign that it was going to be a good day . I could use a good day , I 've had way too many days recently where I wanted to tear my own skin off . " Of course we 're still having dinner with him . I wouldn 't have any shops without him , much less be opening a fifth next week , " I replied calmly . " We 're going to the Mirror Room . Go buy a new dress today . You always look pretty in a new dress . " " Don 't call me Ali ! " I shouted after her . " But I 've told you that before , and you didn 't listen any of those times either . " I couldn 't tell Rose this , but I was actually excited to see what dress she came up with . She looked beautiful in everything , but she always dressed her best when I asked her to go to a business dinner with me . She knew they were important to me , and that looking the part of a wealthy shop owner was half the battle . Rose wasn 't stupid either . A beautiful girl at the table always put the businessmen in a better mood . She would never admit to knowing any of this . There 's a great deal that goes unspoken between us , but it 's comforting to always be completely assured that I know what she 's thinking . It 's something I noticed when I first met Rose . I could finish any sentence of hers , and I could always tell you what she was thinking down to the word . That 's not as boring as it sounds , mind you . There 's a special feeling you get knowing a person so completely that you never have to wonder what they 're thinking or doing . |
I stayed up reading last night until about 1 am , then fell asleep . Then I was up at 5 : 45 am and that was it , I was up for the day . I tried to fall back asleep , but couldn 't . I finally got out of bed at 7 : 30 and fed the dogs , then took them out . Then I went back to bed but was too restless to even doze . I had to be out of the house by 9 : 30 for my massage , so I just gave up and got dressed at 8 : 30 . I thought the massage would be good and relaxing - since I did ask for a relaxing massage and not trigger point - but I kind of felt icky and my head felt real stuffy and swollen when I was on my stomach . And my face felt swollen in the face rest thingy . Afterward I was so tired that I had trouble driving home . Then I had to feed the dogs their mid - day meal and take them out . I had hoped to rest after that , but it didn 't work out . I tried reading and watching TV , but the dogs kept wanting to go out so I kept having to get up . On and off I IM 'd with Hub as he was running errands and getting things ready for the wedding . He 's getting kind of irritated with his father at this point . They don 't really get along too well on a regular basis , and their politics are polar opposite . So Hub is feeling edgy and unhappy . He still has to get through tomorrow without going crazy , then tomorrow night late he gets on the plane to come home overnight . Okay , so I did the dinner thing and fed the dogs and retrieved a wedding invitation from my mailbox from my cousin . I went to check in on my father to see if he got his invitation , then to remind him he needed to try on his suit , in case he needed to buy a new one . Then I came home , I took the dogs out , did their after dinner snacky , took them out again , then sat down to read and play some games on my iPad . I was able to stretch out the evening so I only had to take the dogs out again at 10pm before bedtime . So at 10pm I take them downstairs and outside . One goes one way , the other goes the other way , so I stand just off the deck on our small paver patio to wait for them . Then I see Le Moo sniffing at something on the patio about 3 feet away from me … and I step closer to take another look . It 's cicada time here , so I was thinking it was a live cicada and she was going to try to eat it - experience speaking here - and I was prepared to admonish her . And then I realized it wasn 't a cicada . On my patio , right off my deck , right outside my back door . Last Friday I beat a smaller snake to death out in the yard after I nearly walked on it while picking up dog poop . Fortunately , I spotted it while still about six inches away and I hotfooted it back to the house and grabbed the hard metal rake that had been sitting on the deck . I found the snake in the yard again - out toward the back closer to the fence and the " woods " back there - and I beat that fucker to death . It took me like five minutes because the damn thing wouldn 't die … I think because there are ruts in the grass out there so I wasn 't getting good contact with it . When I was sure it was dead I used the rake to pick it up and I threw it out over the fence into the brush . I hurt my arms , my back , and the back of my legs trying to kill it . Okay , so back to tonight . The damn snake is on the patio , brazen as you please , bigger than the one from Friday - at least 2 feet long - head up , glaring at Le Moo . Le Moo starts backing away and I order her to go up onto the deck . But Butthead is out on the other side of the snake in the yard , peeing , and she finishes and comes running back and she always runs on the patio . And of course she has to run right past the snake , which she does , but then she does a double - take and goes back … and I 'm screaming at her to get away from the damn snake and she 's sniffing right at it because she 's STOOPID . So I finally order her away and both dogs into the house , and I rush into the garage to get a shovel … but by the time I get back outside the fucker is GONE . So now it 's either in the bushes right up against the house and next to the patio , or it 's in the grass somewhere . So now I gotta go back out there tomorrow , wondering where it is . Is it lurking in the bushes ? In the grass ? Is it gonna jump out and BITE ME or the dogs ? I don 't like killing things . Friday was the first time I 'd ever killed a snake … or probably anything other than ants and spiders . Before that , Hub had killed two of them since we 've lived in this house . We 've never had snake problems before we moved here . I 'm not happy about killing anything . But … I have nightmares about snakes attacking me and biting me and all kindsa shit . I 'm NOT good with snakes in my yard . Yes , I know they keep rodents away . Yes , I understand that the snakes in my yard are not likely to be venomous . Yes , I even understand they are not likely to actually bite unless threatened … but guys , it 's a goddamn snake and I am afraid of snakes . I 'd rather let the owls and the hawks take care of the rodents and let the snakes go somewhere else . ANYWHERE ELSE . AWAY FROM HERE . I ordered snake repellent from Amazon , to be delivered sometime tomorrow . It 's not likely to help , I 'm aware , but I 'm desperate to try anything to keep these things away from the house . I mean hey , live your life out there in the woods Snakey - snakey … just not here in my yard or on my patio or in the goddamn bushes next to my house . So yeah , day 3 is done . I am managing but I 'm damn tired . And I 'm not looking forward to the snake nightmares tonight , or the anxiety of watching out for snakes tomorrow in real life . Ugh , We dropped Hub off this morning at 4 : 15am for his flight . After I got home and let the dogs out , I instant messaged with Hub until he boarded the plane at 5 : 45 . By then I 'd already fed the dogs and gotten back into bed . I dozed for a few hours , then got up and went about my day . For the most part I felt like Hub was at work and I allowed myself to just be that way . I 've almost read two books and I pretty much had movies on the TV all day , although mostly they were movies I 'd already seen . I had Mama Mia ! on the TV maybe three times at random points through the movie , because I like singing those songs and they passed the time more easily . Hairspray was on at least once , too . I 've done okay for most of the day . Unfortunately , around 9 : 30pm tonight , Butthead freaked out and had her tail tucked under and was barking hysterically while backing her way into the bedroom where I was reading and watching TV . I went out into the hallway and checked all the rooms up here ( she refused to follow me and instead ran down the stairs ) , but I have no idea what her major malfunction was . I took them out in the darkness , but luckily it was a little rainy , so both dogs ran out and peed and ran right back to the door to go in . So we kind of settled into the bedroom at that point and after some treats and wandering around , they both have settled in . I suspect they are also exhausted from starting their day at 3am . I 've talked to Hub twice on the phone and a few more times on instant messenger . He seems to be okay but the last we talked about an hour ago , he was sounding just exhausted . I hope he 's going to sack out soon , even though it 's pretty early in the evening out there . He said he kept moving his legs around on the plane , even though first class wasn 't as roomy as he 'd hoped , and that he felt okay when he deboarded . Is that a word ? Deboarded ? What else do they call it ? Anyway , he says he felt okay and when I talked to him later he said he was feeling okay just tired from the long day . I was happy to hear from my SIL by phone ( I couldn 't figure out the damn facetime thing through FB 's messenger ) after she opened my gift to her for her wedding . I crocheted her a blanket that turned out to be about queen size ( the pic below is spread out on a king size guest bed ) in these amazing colors that made me think of her . Hub 's father said she has walls in her house painted in yellow and orange , so I found this awesome yarn and went to town . Took me several months ( and a lot of pain ) to get the blanket done , but apparently she loved it a lot . Made me feel like the work was worth it . I saw my father earlier when I took the dogs out this afternoon and he reminded me that I could stay at his house overnight or whatever . I said I was going to try to stay home , but if I had any issue I would just hike over there with the dogs and stay there . Around 8 : 30pm tonight he called to see how I was doing and how my day had gone . Then he reminded me that if I had any trouble I should just let myself into his house no matter what time it was . Then he gave me his late - night schedule so I would know how late he would be awake , but then he told me again to just come over whenever I need to . I 'm not sure if I 'll be able to sleep tonight or not . I still have some reading left in my second book of the day and a youtube video to watch for a channel I subscribe to . I dunno … I 'm locked in the bedroom with the dogs and I 'm sure I 'm safe ( even though I 'm kind of worried that I locked the bedroom door and if someone needs to get in here to rescue me for some reason the locked door will be an issue ) , but it 's still weird . I kind of hope I 'll be tired enough to fall asleep at some point . I had my regular soup for lunch and leftover takeout for dinner , so eating wasn 't a major issue today . I have more takeout again for tomorrow night 's dinner if I want it , and I ( pressure ) cooked up a fresh pot of my lunch - soup this morning so I have enough for the rest of the week . It 's boring , but I eat soup most days of the week for lunch because it means I don 't have to think about it . I dump it in a bowl , add some sauteed mushrooms , and nuke it … easy - peasy no thinking . Also , the soup is bean soup , so it 's pretty healthy … protein and fiber and veggies and carbs , all - in - one . I know that for real it has to do with my mental , emotional , and physical pain . All of those wrapped into one , split into pieces , kneaded into each other , and then rolled into a throbbing ball of oneness . I 'm so on edge that one small scrape and I 'm raw and bleeding profusely , figuratively . I cried on the way to the grocery store this morning . Not because I had to go to the grocery store , not because I was worried about being able to afford the trip to the grocery store , not because I was afraid I was going to have an anxiety attack in the grocery store … I cried because I couldn 't not cry . I 'm tired , I 'm not sleeping , I 'm worried about Hub and I 'm worried about Butthead . I 'm worried about myself , too . My grief is overwhelming every part of my life and I can 't seem to dig my way out of it . Hub is agonizing over a job offer - in part because it might mean less flexibility and he worries that he won 't be able to come home if I need him - that he received on Friday . I 'm worried for him because I don 't feel that the company was being up front with him … they kind of bait and switched the job position ( which they apparently did to the guy before him , someone Hub knows ) . I am concerned he won 't have any backup on his work , and I 'm worried because if this is how they treat potential employees , how do they treat current employees . But Hub is unhappy in his current job and looking for a way out . Our health insurance changed due to the buy - out , so he 's both unhappy with the new corporate owners and unhappy with their shitty health insurance . Unfortunately , the potentially new company has equally shitty health insurance … so that kind of cancels out the pro / con in that category . Now they 're not budging on a concession he asked about ( a minor concession on their part ! ) , so that might be the end of that . I only hope that his current corporate overlords don 't decide that he 's no longer needed before he finds something else . Butthead is randomly puking again . I mean , it 's good news that she 's not persistently puking like the last episode where we ended up rushing her to the vet hospital and coming home with anti - vomit pills … But this randomly throwing up ( twice in the last four days … one of which was this morning which was another reason why I was so upset ) is so frustrating . We don 't know if she 's sneaking and eating bad things outside or has gastritis and so her stomach hurts her or what … We 're at the point where we 're acclimating her to a basket muzzle that she 'll have to wear anytime she 's outside so she doesn 't eat crap off the ground and make herself sick . It 's hard and sad to make her wear a muzzle because she 's a good dog , not aggressive , shouldn 't have to wear it . I know it 's uncomfortable and bulky and just plain weird for her , but we don 't know what else to do with her . We can 't figure out what is wrong with her . And if it 's that she 's eating stuff outside that 's making her sick , there 's nothing else we can do other than the muzzle . For the past month or so we 've been out there with her every minute , following her and standing over her and making sure she 's not eating things . But with the snow and ice , and my physical capabilities being limited at this point … I couldn 't keep up with her and I think she might have eaten something that made her vomit last Thursday when I wasn 't standing over her . We just don 't know what to do with her … So I 'm worried that she 's going to vomit again like the last episode . Ugh . So far it 's been these two random episodes and today I spent time on and off modifying the basket muzzle to try to use a quick - snap collar to hold it on her head versus the old - fashioned buckle which is a pain in the ass to get on and off of her , especially with her floppy ears and long hair . Even though I 've been feeling ultra shitty and exhausted , we had to do a bunch of things this weekend . Most of which we accomplished . Unfortunately , one of the things was cleaning up the caulk in our master shower which seemed to be growing mold behind the caulk at the joints of the floor and wall . Hub is not flexible , so he had trouble sitting on the floor and scraping at the caulk , so I did 90 % of it . Which , of course , hurt my arms , shoulders , and hands more than they were already hurting . The end result , though , is that we need to call in a professional to look at our shower because this is the second time in a year that we 've ended up with this problem . Last time my brother helped me strip and re - caulk the shower , but now we 're in the same place again … There 's something wrong if there 's mold and mildew growing behind the caulk , especially since we bought mold - resistant caulk . This all means that we don 't have a shower in our bathroom and we have to haul ass to the shower on the opposite end of the house … past all the windows in the front of the house and over the foyer area of the house . It also means we have to haul all our paraphernalia into the other shower , which is smaller than our master shower . It 's not a huge deal , it 's just more stress . And more stress in having to find someone who knows what they are doing to come into the house to fix whatever is happening . The stupid sub - contractor that our builder hired to do our bathrooms did not know what they were doing . They screwed several things up in our master bathroom and ruined a lot of our shower floor tiles by having to go back and chip out all the wrong grout they put in . So we were left with grout over top of grout , and chipped tiles . And the slope of the floor is really bad , which causes water to pool in different spots in the shower and leaves our grout with water stains where the water sits . It 's shitty and depressing and frustrating . That 's all in addition to whatever this caulk situation is . I have my mammogram on Wednesday . We finally got our health insurance cards from Hub 's new corporate overlords . I opened the mail , found the card , and called for my appointment all within about ten minutes . The first they had was a week away ( now this Wednesday ) and I took the appointment . I am pretty paranoid about keeping up with my mammos , so I 'm glad that it 's only about ten days overdue from the day I had it last year . I was supposed to have a relaxing massage last week . I had it scheduled in between two trigger point appointments … I normally go to TP massage therapy once a month ( ish ) . So I scheduled the relaxing massage exactly two weeks after one TP appointment and two weeks before the next TP appoint . And then it snowed , and my relaxing massage appointment got canceled . And I really really wanted it . I mean , not enough to endanger my therapist or myself , but I 'm so disappointed . I knew this was going to be a difficult month ( technically , it 's been a difficult year so far ) , so I had planned for the relaxing massage - which I never get - and then plans went pfffft . Since my massage therapist only works two days a week , there were no openings for me to do a make - up massage . I don 't know when I 'll be able to fit it in again . I told T on Friday that I want this grief to have some kind of end date . But with every day , every month , it stays . It 's a solid burden that I carry with me every . This month is especially difficult as it 's the ( one year ) anniversary of Mom 's death . And with every calendar day I think of what I was doing on " this " day last year . How we had no idea what was coming . How we took her to an arboretum in the city trying to perk up her spirits … not knowing how soon it would get so bad . How it happened so fast . How I was late to Hub 's birthday dinner last year because I was with Mom and Dad helping them with something . How it was only days after his birthday that she was in the hospital and then hours later that she was gone . Grief has no end date . It plays by no rules . It doesn 't give a shit who you are or what you want . It lives and breathes and grows and growls and harps and hammers and changes and does whatever the hell it wants . And it sucks . I got my eyes checked - for the first time in at least six years - only to find that my prescription has barely changed . In fact , the doctor wanted to roll back my prescription a smidge but I declined . I just picked up my new glasses about an hour ago and when I put them on , I felt weird . I think we ended up a tiny bit stronger , but the technician said it could also be the upgraded coating on the lenses that made me feel funky . I 'll have to ease into the new glasses , which is fine because I still have an old pair to use in the meantime . The new glasses have half - frames , so they should be lighter on my face . The second pair of " new " glasses I got are actually one of my old frames with new lenses . I would say it was cheaper to do it that way , but honestly by the time I picked the first set of new frames , I was so freaking tired of looking at frames that I just told her to put new lenses in my old frames . They were in fine condition and they were going to be my back - up pair anyway . Everyone I worked with at the optometrist kept repeating that I had single vision lenses ( instead of bi - focals ) and they all sounded surprised . Kind of annoying , but honestly the major reason I didn 't go back to get my eyes checked in the last six years is because at 39 years old , the optometrist told me at 40 I 'd be needing bi - focals ( because that 's " the age " ) and I didn 't want bi - focals so I didn 't go back . And here I am , six years later , still no bi - focals . So poo on all of you . Meanwhile , I also hate getting my eyes dilated , but this optometrist had some new - fangled technology that let them take pictures of my eyes and I was able to put off dilation again . Monday we took Le Moo for her annual " senior " check - up at the vet . We took Butthead , too , because we 'd noticed her front two bottom teeth were disappearing . The vet assured me that it wasn 't likely to be the case when we talked in email , but we brought her anyway to make sure . Le Moo is healthy and has lost about 10 % of her weight . She went from 94 pounds to 86 pounds , which we are doing on purpose because as she ages she seems to be more prone to limping after running or playing . She 's a big girl and we 've always had trouble getting her to lose weight , so we gave up and she pretty much maintained a steady weight for all the years we had her . Then we saw the limping issue and we started getting really strict and we 've noticed it paying off . We 'll keep up with it and try to keep her from injury . The vet looked at Butthead 's teeth and said they aren 't disappearing , the gum is growing up over them . Nothing to do unless it bothers her and so far she hasn 't complained . Unfortunately , the vet is 90 minutes away , so it kind of takes up several hours just going , doing the appointment , and coming home . So Hub 's MLK day off was pretty well used it by that . I 'm glad Le Moo is doing well … she 's somewhere around eight years old , which is getting up there in big dog years . And ya 'll know I worry . We 're going to have to get her back to the vet to get her teeth cleaned ( she 's got bad teeth , yo ) , so we 'll be making that trip again in the next month or so . Yay . So Tuesday was my six month check - up with the gyn onc surgeon . Because of Hub 's status with his company ( they got bought out and are in transition ) , I didn 't want him to have to take a day off to accompany me to an appointment that would likely last less than 15 minutes . So I sent him on his way to work and girded myself for the hour ride to the onc 's office . Under normal circumstances , I would have been nervous but okay to make the trip on my own . I made the appointment for after rush hour and I plotted my route to go on the mostly un - used toll road to avoid further traffic . But … it rained . I knew it was predicted to be " light showers " so I told Hub I 'd be fine on my own . When I got on the road it was lightly showering . Ten minutes in , before I even reached the toll road , it was pouring . And I was sweating bullets , hands clutched on the steering wheel , talking myself into being OK . I don 't like driving in the rain and I hate driving on wet roads . I have been in a full 360 degree skid behind the wheel before and it 's not fun , so I try to avoid driving in weather . In addition , the toll road is 60mph , and the highway that I was supposed to be getting on at the other end is 60mph , with lots of traffic . So when I rolled onto the toll road , I basically planted myself three or four car lengths behind a dump truck and kept speed as comfortably as I could . Halfway along the toll road , the dump truck changed lanes and sped off . WTF . But I stayed steady and with the few cars on the road flying around me , I made it along the toll road . At the other end , I decided to exit early onto a main road that cuts through the city that I knew would have lots of traffic lights and lots of cars , but also slower moving . And I splashed my way along for half an hour until I got to my destination . It was a good thing I left early , and I made it with ten minutes to spare at the doctor 's office . The doctor was " only " 45 minutes late ( we 've actually waited for 2 hours for prior appointments ! ) , he spent less than 10 minLuckily for the trip home it had stopped raining but the roads were all wet . Even so , I made my way along the major highway back to the toll road , and then meandered along the toll road toward my exit . Unfortunately again , the exit ramp I have to take from the toll road to the highway home is a HUGE flyover , which I don 't even like to drive on DRY pavement . Instead I took the exit for the opposite direction which is a normal exit and I turned around at the first traffic light . And I headed home on more regularly traveled roads , which meant I was more comfortable even though the streets were still wet . In March I will go for my mammogram . It 's still hard for me to go to these appointments and to know when I get home that I don 't have my mother to talk to about what happened . I thought it would get easier , but so far it hasn 't . Tomorrow I go for a " consultation " to get my hair did . The salon I selected ( different from the one I used last year … partly because the stylist never answered my queries and now because I find out this new salon has more " organic " hair dye ) wants me to come in to meet the stylist and to let the stylist see my hair and confirm what I want done . If all is well , I go in early on Saturday to get all the colors . ALL THE COLORS . When I was younger I used to box dye my hair all the time , mostly variations on reds because I didn 't like my plain brown hair . At some point I became too ill physically to dye my hair so I stopped . Then I did it a few more times when I was feeling better , but it was a pain in the ass and everything got all stained ( including ME ) and I didn 't really love the results , so I stopped again . One year I went and got my hair all chopped off and then I had the salon dye my hair but … well , I wasn 't really keen on how it looked and it seemed like the color washed out pretty quickly and I didn 't want to waste my money . Only last year did I decide to get something done again and I wanted it to be a little funky to make my mother smile . I got a combo of auburn and violet done , but Mom never noticed and the final look wasn 't as pronounced as I had hoped . Over the past year I haven 't bothered to do anything except let my hair grow out . But after my breast MRI and my colonoscopy and my eye exam , and now my onc follow - up , I knew I wanted to do something fun to celebrate the positive news I 've been getting . I 've been stalking Instagram ( which I don 't use ) for different pictures of what I wanted and I am vacillating between something oil - slick color looking and something more jewel - toned , but there 's definitely gonna be blues and purples and maybe some teal and pink . We 'll see what the stylist says tomorrow . If I can get a picture of before and after , I 'll come back and post them . I 've also gone past my birthday . My father asked me three or four times if I wanted to go out to dinner for my birthday ( he called around lunchtime ) but I kept saying no . I felt bad because I know he likes to go out to dinner and I am sure he felt it was what he could do for me , but I didn 't want to go out . I stood my ground and I thanked him , but said I wanted to chill at home . Hub acquiesced and didn 't do anything special for dinner , but we were together so that was fine . The weather outside was crappy and icy so I was just as happy to stay inside and just BE . My aunt - who doesn 't do so good with the whole grief support thing - called and kept me on the phone for 45 minutes talking about stuff . Two of my three brothers emailed me to wish me happy birthday , and my very old dear friend did the same . But no call from my mom , which was the hardest part . Just knowing the whole day that she wouldn 't be calling and we wouldn 't be talking . It sucked . And now it 's over for another year . Friday I will literally be in therapy while the inauguration is going on . Like I had planned it that way . The rest of the day I will be avoiding all manner of television and radio and social media . Bleh . I am still in a pretty good amount of physical pain . The nausea is still around but it feels like less often , so that 's good . Sleep is still sucky . The imbalance is so - so . My jaw pain is still bad , though . Headaches are not quite as bad . I broke down and saw my massage therapist last week so she could work on the TMJ pain , which worked pretty well for about a day . Next week I go back to her for my regular body - work session . One day I 'm going to schedule a woo - woo relaxing massage with her because she 's damn good at it ( I had one shortly after my mother died as a gift to myself ) and I really want it . I wish my insurance covered that shit because it is physically helpfully to me just like physical therapy was , but it 's not covered . And it 's pretty expensive for an appointment … not that I think it 's overpriced . My massage therapist is a boss and hella good at her job … and she works fucking hard to help me . I can 't even imagine how hard it is on HER body to do the work she does ! I have no idea if she 's in line with other massage therapists , but I know she earns every damn dollar during our appointments . I just realized how long this was . I 'm gonna end it now . I should have broken this up into separate posts , but in my head it all felt related . Thanks for sticking with me . Le Moo likes to hang out in our partially unfinished basement . We don 't know why … if it 's the cold concrete floors , the darkness , or the general idea that she gets to sleep uninterrupted down there . We have a baby gate on our steps that we try to keep closed when we 're not down there , otherwise she goes downstairs and refuses to come back up unless there 's food involved . Unfortunately , sometimes Hub goes downstairs for something ( it 's sort of his man - cave ) and Le Moo follows . Then when we finally get her back upstairs , if Hub forgets to close the baby gate ( it 's set up down half a flight of stairs around a corner out of sight ) then Le Moo will just kind of disappear and we 'll have to go searching for her . So she was down in her lair this morning and it was time for their lunch , so I 'm yelling and yelling for her - sometimes she 's a hard sleeper - while I 'm putting together their food . I turn around and I see her in the hallway at the top of the stairs and I 'm like " you lazy cow " … and then I realize she 's limping . And my heart sinks . We adopted Le Moo in the fall of 2011 , and from what I remember , she was about 3 1 / 2 years old at the time . We 're at about 4 1 / 2 years from that time , so she 's about eight years old . She 's 95lbs ( ish … we 're working on getting some weight off of her , even though we 've never been able to accomplish that in the last 4 + years ) , and we think she 's a large breed dog . Large breed dogs have shorter life spans than their smaller counterparts . Le Moo is the twilight of her life . She 's had these limps on and off through her entire time with us , and our vet has never found anything . Despite Le Moo 's stature , she can haul ass when she wants to , and she 's prone to po - go ' ing when she sees a bird or some other critter she wants to chase outside the fence . We 've never gotten the po - go ' ing on camera , but it 's pretty amazing the amount of air that she can get when in flight . Most of the time , the limp resolves , probably because she strained something when running or jumping . It 's wholly possible this limp , too , will resolve . I sat on the floor and checked her feet , paws , toes , leg , elbow , etc . She didn 't show any distress and I found nothing . After the initial alarm , I 've left her to rest on her own . Now I 've been interrupted by the request to go outside . I took the opportunity during Le Moo 's snooze on the deck to inspect her paw and I have found a sore . I thought there was something on her pad and I pulled it off but it felt like … a sticker ( as in a piece of paper with glue on it ) . But now there 's a sore left behind , which explains the limping . I 've contacted the vet to see if we need to do anything other than keep it clean , but there 's not much we can do with a foot , you know ? Anyway , after the initial alarm and the back and forth with Hub about what was going on , I told him If there was any reason for me not to get another dog in the future , it 's the worry and anxiety I get over them . It 's so hard to be worried all the time . He said he understood , but that they give us so much back , it 's worth it . I said , Some days it feels too hard . Some days it does . Le Moo is in her golden years . I can 't even fathom the idea of losing her , especially after losing SP . Butthead has been throwing up on and off , not to mention her ACL replacement and ensuing second surgery AND ensuing limping issues . I go to sleep every night and wake up every morning wondering if Butthead has gotten sick . We don 't know why she 's throwing up , and it 's sporadic and hard to figure out . We 've put her on digestive enzymes in case it is acid reflux or tummy issues , and we have pepcid on hand at our vet 's recommendation if the enzymes don 't work . But it 's more worry for me . More anxiety . These I need like a hole in the head . Don 't get me wrong , I love my dogs . I love my dogs more than I love most of the people in my life . I can 't imagine my life without them . I couldn 't imagine life without SP or life without my parents ' dogs over the years ( their current , Cray - cray Lab , is limping and we don 't know why … sigh ) . But the stress over caring for them and worrying for them is tough . How do I balance it ? How do I manage it ? I 'm having some anxiety . I 'm not sure I 'm going to write about it … it might be TMI for some people . So for the moment … ( picture heavy , sorry ) , enjoy Butthead 's delight with her new favorite stick . You thought I was going to say something else . But nah , that 's too normal . And as far as I 've been told , I 'm not really anything near normal . You know about my Mom . She 's not able to do very much right now , which includes cleaning , even though she 's feeling a little bit better . My childhood is made up of memories of weekend cleanings . That was what we did on the weekends … cleaned the house . Cleaned the yard . Cleaned the laundry . Etc . I always felt my mother was super - mom , because everything was always clean , even when she worked full time and took care of her husband and four children . She always made dinner after she got home from work . There were no dust bunnies , no dirty bathrooms , no laundry tossed on the floor . This was how we lived . I didn 't give it much thought growing up because it was how I was raised and how I lived . That didn 't mean I liked it , but it was how we were . Not to say that my room wasn 't always a mess , and she was always telling me to clean it up , but the rest of the house was … so clean . No matter what house they lived in , how big or how small , my mother kept it clean . When I moved out on my own , I became intimidated by how clean her house always was . I started worrying about how clean my house wasn 't , especially when someone was coming over . If I knew my mother was coming to visit ( from a whole 30 minutes away ) , I would spend an entire day cleaning the house from top to bottom , to make sure I wasn 't embarrassed when she came in . Did she ever inspect ? No . Did she noticed if it was clean " enough " ? Probably not . But that was how it was for me … worrying about being ashamed of how clean my how wasn 't . When I got sick and couldn 't clean , it was left to Hub . Which kind of meant the house was sort of clean . It was never as clean as my mother 's house , and I almost always had to ASK him to clean , but he tried his hardest . And I tried not to freak over it . I 'm not a neat - freak . But I do have a thing about clean bathrooms and a clean kitchen . At some point I told my mother that there was just no way I could vacuum and mop and keep the house spotless for her visits . She very bluntly said , " Who asked you to ? " So at that point , I started relaxing about the dog hair . About the dog drool . The doggie footprints . The grass she dragged in on her fur . I still wanted the bathrooms and kitchen cleaned , but I wasn 't obsessive over it . When Hub got a bonus one year , we tried to put the money aside to have someone come clean the bathrooms and kitchen , but I was never happy with the results . We tried several different people , but I always felt we could do a better job and it didn 't cost us precious money that we could have used elsewhere . So we stopped trying new cleaning people and went back to our old routine . My grandmother had a cleaning lady who came once a week to do the heavy work . For many many years . It was a luxury she felt she wanted to afford . That was back in the day when cleaning " lady " mean someone who really cleaned , who kept her clients for years and years and years . Not someone who zipped in and out , just making a few extra dollars . But my mother was tight with her budget , and never wanted to hire anyone . I think it was part of her identity to keep a clean house , and to make sure her family was always fed , even when she worked full time . So now , here 's Mom , who can barely get around , and whose energy is pretty close to nil . And my father , he never had to clean because Mom always did it . So when Mom went downhill with her health , I went to her and said I wanted to hire someone to come in and clean the big things … scrub the kitchens and bathrooms at least , maybe run a vacuum on the stairs because that 's difficult to do . She seemed almost relieved . She said the bathrooms were beginning to smell , but she told me that she would only do it if we did it , too . I think she was trying to gift me something because of all the time I was spending at her house . So I said sure , we could " share " a cleaning service . They could spend a few hours here doing our kitchen and bathrooms , then go to her house and do the same . So I set about looking for someone . In the meantime , Mom told Dad what we were doing . And Dad got mad . It 's been a couple of weeks since we talked about getting a service in to clean . As we speak , there are six women cleaning my house . Doing more than I asked . Paying no attention to our big dogs or the fact that there are tumbleweeds of dog hair all over . They 're flipping up couches , cleaning my laundry room ( even though I said not to bother ) , and they 're making the house smell so good . ( Sorry , got distracted . Heh . ) Dad got mad . He told my mother HE could clean the house , why were we bringing someone in . So she told him the bathroom smelled , and it would be easier on everyone if someone came in every two weeks and just did the hard scrubbing . He got upset . Said he could handle it . I tried to tell him it wasn 't that he wasn 't doing a good job , it was that this was something someone else could do , so he could focus on Mom . It was supposed to be a relief … something to take off his shoulders and his mind . Instead of reassuring him , it upset him further . When I would go over to see if they needed anything or to spend time , I 'd catch him running a small vacuum in the kitchen . Mom told me she could smell the Comet he used in the bathroom … but then she 'd tell me he had no idea how to clean a bathroom . That he missed inside the toilet under the rim , or outside the toilet , or the top of the toilet tank . That he was trying , but he 'd never had to do it , so it wasn 't his fault that he was missing things . I tried again to tell him this was a good thing . That someone else could focus on the heavy cleaning and he could focus on Mom . He 's still mad . Soon we 'll be taking the ladies over to Mom 's to clean , so I called to warn them we 'd be over soon . He answered the phone . He 's still mad . Honestly , if this crew works out , I 'll be happy . I hate cleaning , and I most importantly hate cleaning bathrooms . The scrubbing is too hard on me , and although Hub tries , he 's not really good at it , either . He never cleans behind the hinges of the toilet seat . It 's just … gross . At the moment , although I know they may have missed a few details , these women are working hard and doing a ton . I 'll be okay with pointing out ( next time ) what I would like them to focus on better . I 'm sure the house will be messy again soon . We have dogs . I have a husband . It 's bound to happen . But I can 't wait to go pee in that clean bathroom . I might have to drink an entire glass of water so I can go pee in another clean bathroom . Jeezus I 'm weird . Don 't tell anyone . I am trying really hard not to feel guilty about having someone else clean parts of my house . Cleaning was part of my Mom 's identity , but it isn 't part of mine . I will admit , though , that I did get up to sweep the dining room after the women got here . Plus , we spent a day yesterday de - cluttering so that the women could do a thorough job more easily . So yeah , we 'll have to learn to de - clutter before they come for their appointment to clean - which is also weird … who cleans before the cleaning people come ? - but it 'll be a good habit to get into I think . So , now I 'm adding on to the post because the cleaning crew left . When I say crew , I 'm serious about that . It was seven women , including the owner , to do both houses . And before you pass out , yes , both houses are kind of big . We didn 't expect them to clean the whole house ( either of them ) , but they came pretty close . The owner says for the first appointment , they like to be as thorough as possible so that subsequent cleanings will be easier and faster . And subsequent cleanings will not require seven people . They did a pretty good job . I didn 't get to inspect everything , and I know there are a couple of spots that didn 't get done the way I would like , but I hope to give them another opportunity to come in and clean again . Also , it was a little creepy because they remade our bed . They fixed the pillows up against the headboard , then remade the bed . Like my mother when I was younger and she didn 't like the way I made my bed . LOL Also , it is a little frustrating for me that they moved things to clean and then didn 't put them back in the right place . I know it 's petty because they touch a lot of stuff and can 't be expected to remember where everything goes back in everyone 's house , it 's just weird to walk into the room and see your nightstand completely rearranged . Or your desk . Hopefully Mom feels better with her house cleaned . I know at least I don 't have to think about it for the time being . Of course , an hour after the cleaners left , Butthead drooled on the clean tile floor . * sigh * |
I stayed up reading last night until about 1 am , then fell asleep . Then I was up at 5 : 45 am and that was it , I was up for the day . I tried to fall back asleep , but couldn 't . I finally got out of bed at 7 : 30 and fed the dogs , then took them out . Then I went back to bed but was too restless to even doze . I had to be out of the house by 9 : 30 for my massage , so I just gave up and got dressed at 8 : 30 . I thought the massage would be good and relaxing - since I did ask for a relaxing massage and not trigger point - but I kind of felt icky and my head felt real stuffy and swollen when I was on my stomach . And my face felt swollen in the face rest thingy . Afterward I was so tired that I had trouble driving home . Then I had to feed the dogs their mid - day meal and take them out . I had hoped to rest after that , but it didn 't work out . I tried reading and watching TV , but the dogs kept wanting to go out so I kept having to get up . On and off I IM 'd with Hub as he was running errands and getting things ready for the wedding . He 's getting kind of irritated with his father at this point . They don 't really get along too well on a regular basis , and their politics are polar opposite . So Hub is feeling edgy and unhappy . He still has to get through tomorrow without going crazy , then tomorrow night late he gets on the plane to come home overnight . Okay , so I did the dinner thing and fed the dogs and retrieved a wedding invitation from my mailbox from my cousin . I went to check in on my father to see if he got his invitation , then to remind him he needed to try on his suit , in case he needed to buy a new one . Then I came home , I took the dogs out , did their after dinner snacky , took them out again , then sat down to read and play some games on my iPad . I was able to stretch out the evening so I only had to take the dogs out again at 10pm before bedtime . So at 10pm I take them downstairs and outside . One goes one way , the other goes the other way , so I stand just off the deck on our small paver patio to wait for them . Then I see Le Moo sniffing at something on the patio about 3 feet away from me … and I step closer to take another look . It 's cicada time here , so I was thinking it was a live cicada and she was going to try to eat it - experience speaking here - and I was prepared to admonish her . And then I realized it wasn 't a cicada . On my patio , right off my deck , right outside my back door . Last Friday I beat a smaller snake to death out in the yard after I nearly walked on it while picking up dog poop . Fortunately , I spotted it while still about six inches away and I hotfooted it back to the house and grabbed the hard metal rake that had been sitting on the deck . I found the snake in the yard again - out toward the back closer to the fence and the " woods " back there - and I beat that fucker to death . It took me like five minutes because the damn thing wouldn 't die … I think because there are ruts in the grass out there so I wasn 't getting good contact with it . When I was sure it was dead I used the rake to pick it up and I threw it out over the fence into the brush . I hurt my arms , my back , and the back of my legs trying to kill it . Okay , so back to tonight . The damn snake is on the patio , brazen as you please , bigger than the one from Friday - at least 2 feet long - head up , glaring at Le Moo . Le Moo starts backing away and I order her to go up onto the deck . But Butthead is out on the other side of the snake in the yard , peeing , and she finishes and comes running back and she always runs on the patio . And of course she has to run right past the snake , which she does , but then she does a double - take and goes back … and I 'm screaming at her to get away from the damn snake and she 's sniffing right at it because she 's STOOPID . So I finally order her away and both dogs into the house , and I rush into the garage to get a shovel … but by the time I get back outside the fucker is GONE . So now it 's either in the bushes right up against the house and next to the patio , or it 's in the grass somewhere . So now I gotta go back out there tomorrow , wondering where it is . Is it lurking in the bushes ? In the grass ? Is it gonna jump out and BITE ME or the dogs ? I don 't like killing things . Friday was the first time I 'd ever killed a snake … or probably anything other than ants and spiders . Before that , Hub had killed two of them since we 've lived in this house . We 've never had snake problems before we moved here . I 'm not happy about killing anything . But … I have nightmares about snakes attacking me and biting me and all kindsa shit . I 'm NOT good with snakes in my yard . Yes , I know they keep rodents away . Yes , I understand that the snakes in my yard are not likely to be venomous . Yes , I even understand they are not likely to actually bite unless threatened … but guys , it 's a goddamn snake and I am afraid of snakes . I 'd rather let the owls and the hawks take care of the rodents and let the snakes go somewhere else . ANYWHERE ELSE . AWAY FROM HERE . I ordered snake repellent from Amazon , to be delivered sometime tomorrow . It 's not likely to help , I 'm aware , but I 'm desperate to try anything to keep these things away from the house . I mean hey , live your life out there in the woods Snakey - snakey … just not here in my yard or on my patio or in the goddamn bushes next to my house . So yeah , day 3 is done . I am managing but I 'm damn tired . And I 'm not looking forward to the snake nightmares tonight , or the anxiety of watching out for snakes tomorrow in real life . Ugh , We dropped Hub off this morning at 4 : 15am for his flight . After I got home and let the dogs out , I instant messaged with Hub until he boarded the plane at 5 : 45 . By then I 'd already fed the dogs and gotten back into bed . I dozed for a few hours , then got up and went about my day . For the most part I felt like Hub was at work and I allowed myself to just be that way . I 've almost read two books and I pretty much had movies on the TV all day , although mostly they were movies I 'd already seen . I had Mama Mia ! on the TV maybe three times at random points through the movie , because I like singing those songs and they passed the time more easily . Hairspray was on at least once , too . I 've done okay for most of the day . Unfortunately , around 9 : 30pm tonight , Butthead freaked out and had her tail tucked under and was barking hysterically while backing her way into the bedroom where I was reading and watching TV . I went out into the hallway and checked all the rooms up here ( she refused to follow me and instead ran down the stairs ) , but I have no idea what her major malfunction was . I took them out in the darkness , but luckily it was a little rainy , so both dogs ran out and peed and ran right back to the door to go in . So we kind of settled into the bedroom at that point and after some treats and wandering around , they both have settled in . I suspect they are also exhausted from starting their day at 3am . I 've talked to Hub twice on the phone and a few more times on instant messenger . He seems to be okay but the last we talked about an hour ago , he was sounding just exhausted . I hope he 's going to sack out soon , even though it 's pretty early in the evening out there . He said he kept moving his legs around on the plane , even though first class wasn 't as roomy as he 'd hoped , and that he felt okay when he deboarded . Is that a word ? Deboarded ? What else do they call it ? Anyway , he says he felt okay and when I talked to him later he said he was feeling okay just tired from the long day . I was happy to hear from my SIL by phone ( I couldn 't figure out the damn facetime thing through FB 's messenger ) after she opened my gift to her for her wedding . I crocheted her a blanket that turned out to be about queen size ( the pic below is spread out on a king size guest bed ) in these amazing colors that made me think of her . Hub 's father said she has walls in her house painted in yellow and orange , so I found this awesome yarn and went to town . Took me several months ( and a lot of pain ) to get the blanket done , but apparently she loved it a lot . Made me feel like the work was worth it . I saw my father earlier when I took the dogs out this afternoon and he reminded me that I could stay at his house overnight or whatever . I said I was going to try to stay home , but if I had any issue I would just hike over there with the dogs and stay there . Around 8 : 30pm tonight he called to see how I was doing and how my day had gone . Then he reminded me that if I had any trouble I should just let myself into his house no matter what time it was . Then he gave me his late - night schedule so I would know how late he would be awake , but then he told me again to just come over whenever I need to . I 'm not sure if I 'll be able to sleep tonight or not . I still have some reading left in my second book of the day and a youtube video to watch for a channel I subscribe to . I dunno … I 'm locked in the bedroom with the dogs and I 'm sure I 'm safe ( even though I 'm kind of worried that I locked the bedroom door and if someone needs to get in here to rescue me for some reason the locked door will be an issue ) , but it 's still weird . I kind of hope I 'll be tired enough to fall asleep at some point . I had my regular soup for lunch and leftover takeout for dinner , so eating wasn 't a major issue today . I have more takeout again for tomorrow night 's dinner if I want it , and I ( pressure ) cooked up a fresh pot of my lunch - soup this morning so I have enough for the rest of the week . It 's boring , but I eat soup most days of the week for lunch because it means I don 't have to think about it . I dump it in a bowl , add some sauteed mushrooms , and nuke it … easy - peasy no thinking . Also , the soup is bean soup , so it 's pretty healthy … protein and fiber and veggies and carbs , all - in - one . I know that for real it has to do with my mental , emotional , and physical pain . All of those wrapped into one , split into pieces , kneaded into each other , and then rolled into a throbbing ball of oneness . I 'm so on edge that one small scrape and I 'm raw and bleeding profusely , figuratively . I cried on the way to the grocery store this morning . Not because I had to go to the grocery store , not because I was worried about being able to afford the trip to the grocery store , not because I was afraid I was going to have an anxiety attack in the grocery store … I cried because I couldn 't not cry . I 'm tired , I 'm not sleeping , I 'm worried about Hub and I 'm worried about Butthead . I 'm worried about myself , too . My grief is overwhelming every part of my life and I can 't seem to dig my way out of it . Hub is agonizing over a job offer - in part because it might mean less flexibility and he worries that he won 't be able to come home if I need him - that he received on Friday . I 'm worried for him because I don 't feel that the company was being up front with him … they kind of bait and switched the job position ( which they apparently did to the guy before him , someone Hub knows ) . I am concerned he won 't have any backup on his work , and I 'm worried because if this is how they treat potential employees , how do they treat current employees . But Hub is unhappy in his current job and looking for a way out . Our health insurance changed due to the buy - out , so he 's both unhappy with the new corporate owners and unhappy with their shitty health insurance . Unfortunately , the potentially new company has equally shitty health insurance … so that kind of cancels out the pro / con in that category . Now they 're not budging on a concession he asked about ( a minor concession on their part ! ) , so that might be the end of that . I only hope that his current corporate overlords don 't decide that he 's no longer needed before he finds something else . Butthead is randomly puking again . I mean , it 's good news that she 's not persistently puking like the last episode where we ended up rushing her to the vet hospital and coming home with anti - vomit pills … But this randomly throwing up ( twice in the last four days … one of which was this morning which was another reason why I was so upset ) is so frustrating . We don 't know if she 's sneaking and eating bad things outside or has gastritis and so her stomach hurts her or what … We 're at the point where we 're acclimating her to a basket muzzle that she 'll have to wear anytime she 's outside so she doesn 't eat crap off the ground and make herself sick . It 's hard and sad to make her wear a muzzle because she 's a good dog , not aggressive , shouldn 't have to wear it . I know it 's uncomfortable and bulky and just plain weird for her , but we don 't know what else to do with her . We can 't figure out what is wrong with her . And if it 's that she 's eating stuff outside that 's making her sick , there 's nothing else we can do other than the muzzle . For the past month or so we 've been out there with her every minute , following her and standing over her and making sure she 's not eating things . But with the snow and ice , and my physical capabilities being limited at this point … I couldn 't keep up with her and I think she might have eaten something that made her vomit last Thursday when I wasn 't standing over her . We just don 't know what to do with her … So I 'm worried that she 's going to vomit again like the last episode . Ugh . So far it 's been these two random episodes and today I spent time on and off modifying the basket muzzle to try to use a quick - snap collar to hold it on her head versus the old - fashioned buckle which is a pain in the ass to get on and off of her , especially with her floppy ears and long hair . Even though I 've been feeling ultra shitty and exhausted , we had to do a bunch of things this weekend . Most of which we accomplished . Unfortunately , one of the things was cleaning up the caulk in our master shower which seemed to be growing mold behind the caulk at the joints of the floor and wall . Hub is not flexible , so he had trouble sitting on the floor and scraping at the caulk , so I did 90 % of it . Which , of course , hurt my arms , shoulders , and hands more than they were already hurting . The end result , though , is that we need to call in a professional to look at our shower because this is the second time in a year that we 've ended up with this problem . Last time my brother helped me strip and re - caulk the shower , but now we 're in the same place again … There 's something wrong if there 's mold and mildew growing behind the caulk , especially since we bought mold - resistant caulk . This all means that we don 't have a shower in our bathroom and we have to haul ass to the shower on the opposite end of the house … past all the windows in the front of the house and over the foyer area of the house . It also means we have to haul all our paraphernalia into the other shower , which is smaller than our master shower . It 's not a huge deal , it 's just more stress . And more stress in having to find someone who knows what they are doing to come into the house to fix whatever is happening . The stupid sub - contractor that our builder hired to do our bathrooms did not know what they were doing . They screwed several things up in our master bathroom and ruined a lot of our shower floor tiles by having to go back and chip out all the wrong grout they put in . So we were left with grout over top of grout , and chipped tiles . And the slope of the floor is really bad , which causes water to pool in different spots in the shower and leaves our grout with water stains where the water sits . It 's shitty and depressing and frustrating . That 's all in addition to whatever this caulk situation is . I have my mammogram on Wednesday . We finally got our health insurance cards from Hub 's new corporate overlords . I opened the mail , found the card , and called for my appointment all within about ten minutes . The first they had was a week away ( now this Wednesday ) and I took the appointment . I am pretty paranoid about keeping up with my mammos , so I 'm glad that it 's only about ten days overdue from the day I had it last year . I was supposed to have a relaxing massage last week . I had it scheduled in between two trigger point appointments … I normally go to TP massage therapy once a month ( ish ) . So I scheduled the relaxing massage exactly two weeks after one TP appointment and two weeks before the next TP appoint . And then it snowed , and my relaxing massage appointment got canceled . And I really really wanted it . I mean , not enough to endanger my therapist or myself , but I 'm so disappointed . I knew this was going to be a difficult month ( technically , it 's been a difficult year so far ) , so I had planned for the relaxing massage - which I never get - and then plans went pfffft . Since my massage therapist only works two days a week , there were no openings for me to do a make - up massage . I don 't know when I 'll be able to fit it in again . I told T on Friday that I want this grief to have some kind of end date . But with every day , every month , it stays . It 's a solid burden that I carry with me every . This month is especially difficult as it 's the ( one year ) anniversary of Mom 's death . And with every calendar day I think of what I was doing on " this " day last year . How we had no idea what was coming . How we took her to an arboretum in the city trying to perk up her spirits … not knowing how soon it would get so bad . How it happened so fast . How I was late to Hub 's birthday dinner last year because I was with Mom and Dad helping them with something . How it was only days after his birthday that she was in the hospital and then hours later that she was gone . Grief has no end date . It plays by no rules . It doesn 't give a shit who you are or what you want . It lives and breathes and grows and growls and harps and hammers and changes and does whatever the hell it wants . And it sucks . I got my eyes checked - for the first time in at least six years - only to find that my prescription has barely changed . In fact , the doctor wanted to roll back my prescription a smidge but I declined . I just picked up my new glasses about an hour ago and when I put them on , I felt weird . I think we ended up a tiny bit stronger , but the technician said it could also be the upgraded coating on the lenses that made me feel funky . I 'll have to ease into the new glasses , which is fine because I still have an old pair to use in the meantime . The new glasses have half - frames , so they should be lighter on my face . The second pair of " new " glasses I got are actually one of my old frames with new lenses . I would say it was cheaper to do it that way , but honestly by the time I picked the first set of new frames , I was so freaking tired of looking at frames that I just told her to put new lenses in my old frames . They were in fine condition and they were going to be my back - up pair anyway . Everyone I worked with at the optometrist kept repeating that I had single vision lenses ( instead of bi - focals ) and they all sounded surprised . Kind of annoying , but honestly the major reason I didn 't go back to get my eyes checked in the last six years is because at 39 years old , the optometrist told me at 40 I 'd be needing bi - focals ( because that 's " the age " ) and I didn 't want bi - focals so I didn 't go back . And here I am , six years later , still no bi - focals . So poo on all of you . Meanwhile , I also hate getting my eyes dilated , but this optometrist had some new - fangled technology that let them take pictures of my eyes and I was able to put off dilation again . Monday we took Le Moo for her annual " senior " check - up at the vet . We took Butthead , too , because we 'd noticed her front two bottom teeth were disappearing . The vet assured me that it wasn 't likely to be the case when we talked in email , but we brought her anyway to make sure . Le Moo is healthy and has lost about 10 % of her weight . She went from 94 pounds to 86 pounds , which we are doing on purpose because as she ages she seems to be more prone to limping after running or playing . She 's a big girl and we 've always had trouble getting her to lose weight , so we gave up and she pretty much maintained a steady weight for all the years we had her . Then we saw the limping issue and we started getting really strict and we 've noticed it paying off . We 'll keep up with it and try to keep her from injury . The vet looked at Butthead 's teeth and said they aren 't disappearing , the gum is growing up over them . Nothing to do unless it bothers her and so far she hasn 't complained . Unfortunately , the vet is 90 minutes away , so it kind of takes up several hours just going , doing the appointment , and coming home . So Hub 's MLK day off was pretty well used it by that . I 'm glad Le Moo is doing well … she 's somewhere around eight years old , which is getting up there in big dog years . And ya 'll know I worry . We 're going to have to get her back to the vet to get her teeth cleaned ( she 's got bad teeth , yo ) , so we 'll be making that trip again in the next month or so . Yay . So Tuesday was my six month check - up with the gyn onc surgeon . Because of Hub 's status with his company ( they got bought out and are in transition ) , I didn 't want him to have to take a day off to accompany me to an appointment that would likely last less than 15 minutes . So I sent him on his way to work and girded myself for the hour ride to the onc 's office . Under normal circumstances , I would have been nervous but okay to make the trip on my own . I made the appointment for after rush hour and I plotted my route to go on the mostly un - used toll road to avoid further traffic . But … it rained . I knew it was predicted to be " light showers " so I told Hub I 'd be fine on my own . When I got on the road it was lightly showering . Ten minutes in , before I even reached the toll road , it was pouring . And I was sweating bullets , hands clutched on the steering wheel , talking myself into being OK . I don 't like driving in the rain and I hate driving on wet roads . I have been in a full 360 degree skid behind the wheel before and it 's not fun , so I try to avoid driving in weather . In addition , the toll road is 60mph , and the highway that I was supposed to be getting on at the other end is 60mph , with lots of traffic . So when I rolled onto the toll road , I basically planted myself three or four car lengths behind a dump truck and kept speed as comfortably as I could . Halfway along the toll road , the dump truck changed lanes and sped off . WTF . But I stayed steady and with the few cars on the road flying around me , I made it along the toll road . At the other end , I decided to exit early onto a main road that cuts through the city that I knew would have lots of traffic lights and lots of cars , but also slower moving . And I splashed my way along for half an hour until I got to my destination . It was a good thing I left early , and I made it with ten minutes to spare at the doctor 's office . The doctor was " only " 45 minutes late ( we 've actually waited for 2 hours for prior appointments ! ) , he spent less than 10 minLuckily for the trip home it had stopped raining but the roads were all wet . Even so , I made my way along the major highway back to the toll road , and then meandered along the toll road toward my exit . Unfortunately again , the exit ramp I have to take from the toll road to the highway home is a HUGE flyover , which I don 't even like to drive on DRY pavement . Instead I took the exit for the opposite direction which is a normal exit and I turned around at the first traffic light . And I headed home on more regularly traveled roads , which meant I was more comfortable even though the streets were still wet . In March I will go for my mammogram . It 's still hard for me to go to these appointments and to know when I get home that I don 't have my mother to talk to about what happened . I thought it would get easier , but so far it hasn 't . Tomorrow I go for a " consultation " to get my hair did . The salon I selected ( different from the one I used last year … partly because the stylist never answered my queries and now because I find out this new salon has more " organic " hair dye ) wants me to come in to meet the stylist and to let the stylist see my hair and confirm what I want done . If all is well , I go in early on Saturday to get all the colors . ALL THE COLORS . When I was younger I used to box dye my hair all the time , mostly variations on reds because I didn 't like my plain brown hair . At some point I became too ill physically to dye my hair so I stopped . Then I did it a few more times when I was feeling better , but it was a pain in the ass and everything got all stained ( including ME ) and I didn 't really love the results , so I stopped again . One year I went and got my hair all chopped off and then I had the salon dye my hair but … well , I wasn 't really keen on how it looked and it seemed like the color washed out pretty quickly and I didn 't want to waste my money . Only last year did I decide to get something done again and I wanted it to be a little funky to make my mother smile . I got a combo of auburn and violet done , but Mom never noticed and the final look wasn 't as pronounced as I had hoped . Over the past year I haven 't bothered to do anything except let my hair grow out . But after my breast MRI and my colonoscopy and my eye exam , and now my onc follow - up , I knew I wanted to do something fun to celebrate the positive news I 've been getting . I 've been stalking Instagram ( which I don 't use ) for different pictures of what I wanted and I am vacillating between something oil - slick color looking and something more jewel - toned , but there 's definitely gonna be blues and purples and maybe some teal and pink . We 'll see what the stylist says tomorrow . If I can get a picture of before and after , I 'll come back and post them . I 've also gone past my birthday . My father asked me three or four times if I wanted to go out to dinner for my birthday ( he called around lunchtime ) but I kept saying no . I felt bad because I know he likes to go out to dinner and I am sure he felt it was what he could do for me , but I didn 't want to go out . I stood my ground and I thanked him , but said I wanted to chill at home . Hub acquiesced and didn 't do anything special for dinner , but we were together so that was fine . The weather outside was crappy and icy so I was just as happy to stay inside and just BE . My aunt - who doesn 't do so good with the whole grief support thing - called and kept me on the phone for 45 minutes talking about stuff . Two of my three brothers emailed me to wish me happy birthday , and my very old dear friend did the same . But no call from my mom , which was the hardest part . Just knowing the whole day that she wouldn 't be calling and we wouldn 't be talking . It sucked . And now it 's over for another year . Friday I will literally be in therapy while the inauguration is going on . Like I had planned it that way . The rest of the day I will be avoiding all manner of television and radio and social media . Bleh . I am still in a pretty good amount of physical pain . The nausea is still around but it feels like less often , so that 's good . Sleep is still sucky . The imbalance is so - so . My jaw pain is still bad , though . Headaches are not quite as bad . I broke down and saw my massage therapist last week so she could work on the TMJ pain , which worked pretty well for about a day . Next week I go back to her for my regular body - work session . One day I 'm going to schedule a woo - woo relaxing massage with her because she 's damn good at it ( I had one shortly after my mother died as a gift to myself ) and I really want it . I wish my insurance covered that shit because it is physically helpfully to me just like physical therapy was , but it 's not covered . And it 's pretty expensive for an appointment … not that I think it 's overpriced . My massage therapist is a boss and hella good at her job … and she works fucking hard to help me . I can 't even imagine how hard it is on HER body to do the work she does ! I have no idea if she 's in line with other massage therapists , but I know she earns every damn dollar during our appointments . I just realized how long this was . I 'm gonna end it now . I should have broken this up into separate posts , but in my head it all felt related . Thanks for sticking with me . Le Moo likes to hang out in our partially unfinished basement . We don 't know why … if it 's the cold concrete floors , the darkness , or the general idea that she gets to sleep uninterrupted down there . We have a baby gate on our steps that we try to keep closed when we 're not down there , otherwise she goes downstairs and refuses to come back up unless there 's food involved . Unfortunately , sometimes Hub goes downstairs for something ( it 's sort of his man - cave ) and Le Moo follows . Then when we finally get her back upstairs , if Hub forgets to close the baby gate ( it 's set up down half a flight of stairs around a corner out of sight ) then Le Moo will just kind of disappear and we 'll have to go searching for her . So she was down in her lair this morning and it was time for their lunch , so I 'm yelling and yelling for her - sometimes she 's a hard sleeper - while I 'm putting together their food . I turn around and I see her in the hallway at the top of the stairs and I 'm like " you lazy cow " … and then I realize she 's limping . And my heart sinks . We adopted Le Moo in the fall of 2011 , and from what I remember , she was about 3 1 / 2 years old at the time . We 're at about 4 1 / 2 years from that time , so she 's about eight years old . She 's 95lbs ( ish … we 're working on getting some weight off of her , even though we 've never been able to accomplish that in the last 4 + years ) , and we think she 's a large breed dog . Large breed dogs have shorter life spans than their smaller counterparts . Le Moo is the twilight of her life . She 's had these limps on and off through her entire time with us , and our vet has never found anything . Despite Le Moo 's stature , she can haul ass when she wants to , and she 's prone to po - go ' ing when she sees a bird or some other critter she wants to chase outside the fence . We 've never gotten the po - go ' ing on camera , but it 's pretty amazing the amount of air that she can get when in flight . Most of the time , the limp resolves , probably because she strained something when running or jumping . It 's wholly possible this limp , too , will resolve . I sat on the floor and checked her feet , paws , toes , leg , elbow , etc . She didn 't show any distress and I found nothing . After the initial alarm , I 've left her to rest on her own . Now I 've been interrupted by the request to go outside . I took the opportunity during Le Moo 's snooze on the deck to inspect her paw and I have found a sore . I thought there was something on her pad and I pulled it off but it felt like … a sticker ( as in a piece of paper with glue on it ) . But now there 's a sore left behind , which explains the limping . I 've contacted the vet to see if we need to do anything other than keep it clean , but there 's not much we can do with a foot , you know ? Anyway , after the initial alarm and the back and forth with Hub about what was going on , I told him If there was any reason for me not to get another dog in the future , it 's the worry and anxiety I get over them . It 's so hard to be worried all the time . He said he understood , but that they give us so much back , it 's worth it . I said , Some days it feels too hard . Some days it does . Le Moo is in her golden years . I can 't even fathom the idea of losing her , especially after losing SP . Butthead has been throwing up on and off , not to mention her ACL replacement and ensuing second surgery AND ensuing limping issues . I go to sleep every night and wake up every morning wondering if Butthead has gotten sick . We don 't know why she 's throwing up , and it 's sporadic and hard to figure out . We 've put her on digestive enzymes in case it is acid reflux or tummy issues , and we have pepcid on hand at our vet 's recommendation if the enzymes don 't work . But it 's more worry for me . More anxiety . These I need like a hole in the head . Don 't get me wrong , I love my dogs . I love my dogs more than I love most of the people in my life . I can 't imagine my life without them . I couldn 't imagine life without SP or life without my parents ' dogs over the years ( their current , Cray - cray Lab , is limping and we don 't know why … sigh ) . But the stress over caring for them and worrying for them is tough . How do I balance it ? How do I manage it ? I 'm having some anxiety . I 'm not sure I 'm going to write about it … it might be TMI for some people . So for the moment … ( picture heavy , sorry ) , enjoy Butthead 's delight with her new favorite stick . You thought I was going to say something else . But nah , that 's too normal . And as far as I 've been told , I 'm not really anything near normal . You know about my Mom . She 's not able to do very much right now , which includes cleaning , even though she 's feeling a little bit better . My childhood is made up of memories of weekend cleanings . That was what we did on the weekends … cleaned the house . Cleaned the yard . Cleaned the laundry . Etc . I always felt my mother was super - mom , because everything was always clean , even when she worked full time and took care of her husband and four children . She always made dinner after she got home from work . There were no dust bunnies , no dirty bathrooms , no laundry tossed on the floor . This was how we lived . I didn 't give it much thought growing up because it was how I was raised and how I lived . That didn 't mean I liked it , but it was how we were . Not to say that my room wasn 't always a mess , and she was always telling me to clean it up , but the rest of the house was … so clean . No matter what house they lived in , how big or how small , my mother kept it clean . When I moved out on my own , I became intimidated by how clean her house always was . I started worrying about how clean my house wasn 't , especially when someone was coming over . If I knew my mother was coming to visit ( from a whole 30 minutes away ) , I would spend an entire day cleaning the house from top to bottom , to make sure I wasn 't embarrassed when she came in . Did she ever inspect ? No . Did she noticed if it was clean " enough " ? Probably not . But that was how it was for me … worrying about being ashamed of how clean my how wasn 't . When I got sick and couldn 't clean , it was left to Hub . Which kind of meant the house was sort of clean . It was never as clean as my mother 's house , and I almost always had to ASK him to clean , but he tried his hardest . And I tried not to freak over it . I 'm not a neat - freak . But I do have a thing about clean bathrooms and a clean kitchen . At some point I told my mother that there was just no way I could vacuum and mop and keep the house spotless for her visits . She very bluntly said , " Who asked you to ? " So at that point , I started relaxing about the dog hair . About the dog drool . The doggie footprints . The grass she dragged in on her fur . I still wanted the bathrooms and kitchen cleaned , but I wasn 't obsessive over it . When Hub got a bonus one year , we tried to put the money aside to have someone come clean the bathrooms and kitchen , but I was never happy with the results . We tried several different people , but I always felt we could do a better job and it didn 't cost us precious money that we could have used elsewhere . So we stopped trying new cleaning people and went back to our old routine . My grandmother had a cleaning lady who came once a week to do the heavy work . For many many years . It was a luxury she felt she wanted to afford . That was back in the day when cleaning " lady " mean someone who really cleaned , who kept her clients for years and years and years . Not someone who zipped in and out , just making a few extra dollars . But my mother was tight with her budget , and never wanted to hire anyone . I think it was part of her identity to keep a clean house , and to make sure her family was always fed , even when she worked full time . So now , here 's Mom , who can barely get around , and whose energy is pretty close to nil . And my father , he never had to clean because Mom always did it . So when Mom went downhill with her health , I went to her and said I wanted to hire someone to come in and clean the big things … scrub the kitchens and bathrooms at least , maybe run a vacuum on the stairs because that 's difficult to do . She seemed almost relieved . She said the bathrooms were beginning to smell , but she told me that she would only do it if we did it , too . I think she was trying to gift me something because of all the time I was spending at her house . So I said sure , we could " share " a cleaning service . They could spend a few hours here doing our kitchen and bathrooms , then go to her house and do the same . So I set about looking for someone . In the meantime , Mom told Dad what we were doing . And Dad got mad . It 's been a couple of weeks since we talked about getting a service in to clean . As we speak , there are six women cleaning my house . Doing more than I asked . Paying no attention to our big dogs or the fact that there are tumbleweeds of dog hair all over . They 're flipping up couches , cleaning my laundry room ( even though I said not to bother ) , and they 're making the house smell so good . ( Sorry , got distracted . Heh . ) Dad got mad . He told my mother HE could clean the house , why were we bringing someone in . So she told him the bathroom smelled , and it would be easier on everyone if someone came in every two weeks and just did the hard scrubbing . He got upset . Said he could handle it . I tried to tell him it wasn 't that he wasn 't doing a good job , it was that this was something someone else could do , so he could focus on Mom . It was supposed to be a relief … something to take off his shoulders and his mind . Instead of reassuring him , it upset him further . When I would go over to see if they needed anything or to spend time , I 'd catch him running a small vacuum in the kitchen . Mom told me she could smell the Comet he used in the bathroom … but then she 'd tell me he had no idea how to clean a bathroom . That he missed inside the toilet under the rim , or outside the toilet , or the top of the toilet tank . That he was trying , but he 'd never had to do it , so it wasn 't his fault that he was missing things . I tried again to tell him this was a good thing . That someone else could focus on the heavy cleaning and he could focus on Mom . He 's still mad . Soon we 'll be taking the ladies over to Mom 's to clean , so I called to warn them we 'd be over soon . He answered the phone . He 's still mad . Honestly , if this crew works out , I 'll be happy . I hate cleaning , and I most importantly hate cleaning bathrooms . The scrubbing is too hard on me , and although Hub tries , he 's not really good at it , either . He never cleans behind the hinges of the toilet seat . It 's just … gross . At the moment , although I know they may have missed a few details , these women are working hard and doing a ton . I 'll be okay with pointing out ( next time ) what I would like them to focus on better . I 'm sure the house will be messy again soon . We have dogs . I have a husband . It 's bound to happen . But I can 't wait to go pee in that clean bathroom . I might have to drink an entire glass of water so I can go pee in another clean bathroom . Jeezus I 'm weird . Don 't tell anyone . I am trying really hard not to feel guilty about having someone else clean parts of my house . Cleaning was part of my Mom 's identity , but it isn 't part of mine . I will admit , though , that I did get up to sweep the dining room after the women got here . Plus , we spent a day yesterday de - cluttering so that the women could do a thorough job more easily . So yeah , we 'll have to learn to de - clutter before they come for their appointment to clean - which is also weird … who cleans before the cleaning people come ? - but it 'll be a good habit to get into I think . So , now I 'm adding on to the post because the cleaning crew left . When I say crew , I 'm serious about that . It was seven women , including the owner , to do both houses . And before you pass out , yes , both houses are kind of big . We didn 't expect them to clean the whole house ( either of them ) , but they came pretty close . The owner says for the first appointment , they like to be as thorough as possible so that subsequent cleanings will be easier and faster . And subsequent cleanings will not require seven people . They did a pretty good job . I didn 't get to inspect everything , and I know there are a couple of spots that didn 't get done the way I would like , but I hope to give them another opportunity to come in and clean again . Also , it was a little creepy because they remade our bed . They fixed the pillows up against the headboard , then remade the bed . Like my mother when I was younger and she didn 't like the way I made my bed . LOL Also , it is a little frustrating for me that they moved things to clean and then didn 't put them back in the right place . I know it 's petty because they touch a lot of stuff and can 't be expected to remember where everything goes back in everyone 's house , it 's just weird to walk into the room and see your nightstand completely rearranged . Or your desk . Hopefully Mom feels better with her house cleaned . I know at least I don 't have to think about it for the time being . Of course , an hour after the cleaners left , Butthead drooled on the clean tile floor . * sigh * |
I am daughter , although my parents have passed , a wife , mother and grandmother , and now another woman battling breast cancer . These are a few thoughts about my life and life in general . Some may be humorous , some serious - just like life . Come join me ! I did run away to the SSB . We hadn 't been there since Mothers Day . Staying away is problematic in several ways . You never know what may have happened to the place , and we have been in civilization too long . Before we left , G talked about how low our electric bill was for the month . That raised fears because we leave the air conditioning on when we are gone ( well in the winter the heat is left on too ) . It gets so hot in the house if we don 't the laminate wood floors want to get up are walk out . This isn 't a good thing . In the winter , we are afraid the pipes may break . To say it gets hot there is putting it mildly . I have a rain gauge / thermometer on the back deck . When we got there , about 3 : 30 Saturday afternoon , the temperature on that thermometer was 105 . It is in the sun . Can 't track rain if the collector is under something . The thermometer is in that whole set up . The weekend was good . I really realized that my knees and back are better . I don 't know why I realized it there more than here t home , but I did . I could get so much done , and after five years or so of slacking off , the house needed it . When it is just the two of us , we load the dishwasher daily , but since it takes so long to wash them , we wait until the night before we leave . Don 't turn up your nose - the dishes are rinsed , and it doesn 't stink ! I just hate to use a lot of water up there . We are on a well , and we have to hope that well doesn 't run dry . Water is precious in Texas . I was going to say just West Texas , but really it should be considered precious all over the state . We tend to think that when we turn on that faucet , fresh , clean water will come out . It could disappear . Enough soap box . The reason I mentioned the dishwasher is the thing was put in last year . After about seven loads - both those marathon ones from the two of us to everyday because there are 10 + people in the house . Anyway - when we had people , it quit . In the middle of a cycle , it began to empty and it quit . Dead . Nothing . No lights , nothing . In that neck of the woods , it is diGrandma K As I sit here in my fuzzy state because the physical therapist will be here about 9 : 30 , and I have only had a single cup of coffee , I have to reflect on yesterday " s fiasco . The lap top has been acting wonky , so I have been trying to salvage web sites , passwords , etc from it before it may expire completely . It was really acting up yesterday , so in my great wisdom , I thought it would be wise to run a scan to try to clean up the hard drive - anything to see if it helps . My " subscription " to McAssee had lapsed . I wasn 't too upset because I have what consider a great firewall , so I didn 't re - subscribe . I thought I could use the old program to run a scan on the computer . Guess what ? NO , Nope Nada . You haven 't rented us again . You just think you own this program . You have only been renting it all these years . If you want to check your computer , pony up the money , sweetheart . So I did . Then came the download . I didn 't sign up for a life time of sitting at my computer , trying to get the program to download . But that 's what I did . At first , I couldn 't get the program onto my computer . The error message kept popping up that the download couldn 't start . I guess the trojans lurking in the far recesses of the hard drive threatened the little new program . It was too timid to even open . Finally about 5 yesterday , the program downloaded . This after about twenty restarts of the computer . Last night I went to bed with the killer doing its thing on the computer . It had gotten to about half of the hard drive . Sometime in the middle of the night , the virus killer completed its task . I turned on the computer this morning , and there were the results . There were four items , including of all things a trojan from FIREFOX . Ye Gad , this is supposed to be the safe way to surf the internet . What would I have had if I had been using the terrible Microsoft Explorer . Mmmmmmm , yeah . So that 's what has been going on with this dear little lap top . She is no longer bright and shiny . She sports some information taped to her large keyboard . She has a few dPosted by The beginning of the day was sleeping late , but that 's not interesting ! ! We slept late because I had an ortho doc appointment . G was going into work later after my appointment . Ortho guy usually runs on time , but not today . He was running over an hour late . When he came to our room , it was obvious why . His brain wasn 't in the office today . Don 't get me wrong . I wouldn 't have any other doctor cutting on me to do total joint replacements ! He likes to talk to his patients . What I meant was that Valarie wasn 't with him today . She is his right hand man . She takes care of all the little things like scheduling surgeries , keeping him moving , and so on . Anyway , he asked me to raise my right knee . This was the latest one replaced . I wish you could have seen his face when I was able to raise it almost straight out ! He was amazed . But then I have amazed two different physical therapists too . I seem to get over these well . My big thing was driving . When ? ? ? ? He said that I could do practice driving . What ! ? ! Am I 14 again ? That made me think back to when I was doing practice driving . My dad would take me out in the old ' 53 Ford sedan . It was a stick shift , and the emergency brake was the old " umbrella " sort . For you youngsters , that is one that has a handle on it like an umbrella , and it was located on the right side of the dashboard . He would take me out to what was at that time far northwest San Antonio . That is the area where the Hill Country began to send it 's tendril of small hills into the city . Even small hills looked like the Matahorn to me when I had to stop at the stop sign at the top . I found that all my appendages didn 't work together . I had an impossible time pushing on the gas a little while letting out that blasted clutch . So when the motor died ( was massacred by me ) , I would have to pull out the emergency brake , restart the engine , and NOW push the brake in a little , give a little gas , and let the clutch out a little . I think we spent hours there . The whole time I stayed in San Antonio , there were areas I would stayPosted by Saturday night started things off . It was SIL 's surprise 40th birthday . I decided to make him an apron , so that took up all Saturday afternoon . My machine only embroideries at a rather slow speed . I was dreading the party because his mother , father , sister and daughter were there . We are just not the same people and we have nothing but the three grandchildren in common . They have done some horrendous things , at least by my way of thinking . I told G I can forgive , but I cannot forget . Yes , I have turned the other cheek , but I keep a wary eye out for the good one . His mother will talk about everyone behind their back , but is just so sweet to their face . Sunday , we had a rehash of Saturday but only our family . It was nice . Monday , I had more injections in my back . This time I wanted to not get that horrible headache after treatment . So when I got home , as soon as I had eaten breakfast / lunch , I went to bed . I slept for at least three hours . I awoke to the cable being out . It makes me want to get rid of Comcast even more . I pretty much stayed in bed , but the headache came about 9 . It kept me awake until midnight . I was to go to clinic to get my drugs . That is a trip in itself . I know some of those folks are there just to get the drugs either for a high or to sell them . Most are there for real pain issues though . We waited and waited . My appointment was for 8 : 30 . At 9 : 15 , I was called back . They weren 't going to see me . I was supposed to get my meds at the place I got the injections . The place I get injections , after you once get into the system for the shots , is an assembly line . The anesthesiologist pretty much apologized for the uncomfortable table . He said it was for speed not comfort . Is that ever right . You get on the table , get moved around into the proper position . You get the nasal cannula for oxygen ( I HATE that ! ! ! ) . When you are in the right position the " master " enters , and the relaxation meds hit . Soon sleep happens . After the " master " has completed his little injections in the spine , you suddenly are awake andPosted by In my religion , we don 't have to go to confession . When I was younger , it was part of the liturgy . We would publically confession that we have sinned " by thought word and deed . We have not love you with our whole hearts . . . " and so on . This little venue seems to have become a confessional . Sorry , but here comes another confession . I had hoped fervently that SIL 's family would not be in town for this party . I am so bad . I really didn 't mean real harm to her , but I was hoping her doctor would tell her she was retaining too much fluid to travel for three hours . Oh how I hoped . I should be so ashamed , and I guess , if truth be known , I am not . These people are horrible , flat horrible . I am sure I have talked about why I dislike them so , but I have no idea where it might be . They are trying to hide it a bit , but they are for the blood . In other works , my daughter could just disappear , then it would be the true blood for their family - son and grandchildren . They have behaved so abominably at things that we have hosted they should be embarrassed . But they are so _________, ( I can 't think of a word that describes them ) I am dreading the party tomorrow . I can 't move as quickly as before . I think she will have enough sense to stay away , but with those matching scars on my knee , I 'm afraid I am going to be in her sights to talk about illnesses . Oh no ! They are dirt poor They have cell phones with all kinds of texting , and all the other bells and whistles that I don 't know about because I still have my little one that will text , but I had that blocked , BIG screens TV , a granddaughter who has clothes she hasn 't even put on that lives with them with her mom , - in other words they spend on foolishness - not bills . Their previous solution to be behind on the rent was to move . They called my daughter pretentious because she came from a family who paid their bills , and yet had a few things too . So because she came from a family that paid their bills and managed to have a few things - she was pretentious . But they will happily move the Posted by OK . I waved the white flag . I gave up , and I needed help . Told Daughter I would appreciate her turning some of the neck coolers . She replied " do I have to pick them up today ? " I said no . I didn 't think I could possibly turn all 50 + of them alone . Well , I sat down after doing other things that needed to be completed , and I began turning . I did all but one last night , and that one I just did . So today I will press them , find the opening , stitch the other end shut , pour in the hygroscopic stuff , and stitch out label on that opening . This will certainly take some time , but I will find a rhythm , and then it won 't be so bad . But when she discovers that I have finished , crocodile tears will be in order . I really feel like the little , red hen . You remember that ol ' gal . She did all the work , all the while asking for help . It was only when she completed the task ( baking the bread ) did she get offers of help - to eat that bread . Well , that 's the way it is around here . I ask , hint , whatever for help . There are excuses , then all want to share in the finished productI told Daughter that during the July 4th holiday I wanted to set up a dry run of our craft set up . We need to get things arranged in a cute way - one that is planned out , not thrown up . How did she sound ? Well if you can get into negative inflections , that 's where she was . I could hear the wheels turning to find a way to get out of it . She finally said she had a four day weekend then . Who wants to set up a table to guess when I will have help ? Those of you who place your bets on never will probably be the big winner , but the pot will have to be split too many ways to make it worth your while . Why don 't I get G to help , you say ? Even the sound of fireworks can 't cover the emissions of curse words coming from his mouth . If he has to do something that isn 't on his list of things to do , he becomes a three old with temper tantrums . That is why I don 't ask him for help - ever , and when he wants suggestions on where to go , what to eat , and all the rest , I just say " I don 't Grandma K I finally did it . I absolutely have to have help turning those neck coolers . It takes me 20 minutes to turn one , and we have 54 of those little babes to turn . I asked Daughter this morning . Of course , she volunteered yesterday , but never came by to get any . I suggested that Lady Bug would be successful especially with her little fingers , and I would pay her 50 cents from each one sold . Well - as long as they get done . I am concerned with the left knee ( that 's the old one ) . Something in there keeps rolling about . I don 't think it should do that . So I am very cautious getting up . That seems to be when there is the most problem , and if I 'm not careful from then on , it will snap , crackle , and pop with every movement . after July 10 ( Round Up ) we can do whatever . So I am keeping my mouth shot . I have said I would start fixing dinner again . I did it Monday . I was exhausted and in pain Monday night . I don 't know if it was one or all of the things I did Monday . I fixed dinner , I cleaned the kitchen , I had gone upstairs , and had PT . All I know is instead of a shower Monday night , I fell asleep in the bed at 9 . I fixed dinner and did part of the kitchen last night . It wasn 't so bad . Today I have dinner planned . We 'll see how I feel because I also have PT . If only I had known what life was going to be like at 64 . I could have done a lot to help my knees , and in fact I could have helped my entire body . I keep telling Daughter . . . Anyway - peace be with you Actually I wanted that title to be a little different , but I 'll be nice . I am really torn by this thing with daughter . It would be easier if she wouldn 't make the statement that she would do something then not do it . I could be much happier , and could have been especially when I was stuck in the hospital , if she wouldn 't say she would come by . Then she doesn 't show . That really is a blow to me . Yesterday , she said she would be coming over after work to leave the d * & m invitation to this " surprise " party ( if his family knows about it - SIL knows about it ) . it so happened G was outside . She was able to remain in the car with Lady Bug , and not come in . Let 's see now . I believe the last time I saw her was the Thursday post surgery . She said she would be helping me with getting the things ready for the " Round Up " craft show . It is the second weekend of July . I still have a lot of things to be done that they want to have . I am torn . I KNOW she has three kids , she works full time , she is working for this party ( and the OCD doesn 't help there ) , and then there 's me . So I feel like warmed over dog doo to complain , although it is only here , about it all . In brighter news , I suddenly realized that in December of this year , it has been five years . Five years is quite a landmark for cancer people . Survival rates are based on five years . Well , if nothing happens - I will join the ranks of a five year survivor . OK ! In my email today , there was a surprise . My email service will only let those through that are in my mailbox , but it will have a suspicious email section . Many emails are just trashed without me ever seeing them , but these are nicety put into a folder . I go through that folder . Today there was one with only a name . There was no subject , but I opened it anyway . The name was a good old German name . G and I are both German . I always thought it was more German than I because I suspected I wasn 't . Well he is only 1 / 2 German , while I am about 3 / 4 . With trepidation , I opened that email . It was from a young woman who read my genePosted by I 'm still around , and getting better everyday . My knee is stronger with less pain . Its easier to get up from , well , only the bed . That isn 't good . Every single stick of furniture in my den is just a scootch too low . But then this is something I hate to face , but it is getting more and more evident . I think I am having a problem with knee number 1 . When I see the doctor in about two more weeks , I am going to tell him about it . Sometimes , it pops and sounds like something is loose in there . You can hear it , and I certainly feel it . But on to different things . Daughter and I now have en elephant in the room . The elephant is last weekend when I didn 't hear from her . I really think she thinks she is right , but in her heart knows she isn 't . So we just go on and haven 't mentioned it . I have asked her nothing about it when I know there is a lot to tell : step - daughter 's high school graduation , her MIL in the hospital , the general drama that goes on in that house . Oh well . I have found a way to shut up phone solicitors . When they are cheery and bright asking how I am , I just say not so good . They are at first confused because this isn 't on their script . Then they stammer and apologize . Too funny . I have an at home PT therapist . She is so bright and bubbly on the phone that I , at first , thought this would be a bad thing . She also has a very thick accent . With my brain on drugs , it doesn 't translate well . So I had this preconceived idea before she came . I was expecting the worse . Actually the sessions have been good . She is very aware of my back problems , and works around that . So far , it is good . The bug in this is that she can come until I am able to drive , then it is over . That is both bad and good . She can be discontinued , and I can go back to the therapist at the pain office . Either way I win . I just completed the cutting out of the neck coolers we are going to have for the July craft show . Next is the sewing and putting the water holding gel into them . Daughter has volunteered . We 'll see . I have my small machine downstairPosted by As usual , I am writing like Monkey Boy speaks - stream of consciousness . So it will be a case of hanging on ! I never , never thought these words ( actually thoughts for words ) would come to my mind . I might like to move to the SSB . It is about 340 miles from here - that translates to 5 - 6 hours drive . Why do I want to do that ? Well , even if the closest neighbor is a mile away , those folks are closer than the ones here ! I 'm tired of being lonely . Daugher used to be closer to me than she is now . I know her kidlets are getting older , but she doesn 't do as much with them to account for the difference in our relationship . Her calls are fewer and fewer , unless SIL is gone . Then she is on the phone with me all the time . They went to San Antonio this weekend . She had not called until almost family dinner time last night . I was asleep , and G didn 't wake me . Go G ! I know I am emotional right now . I know I shouldn 't be this way . I should be happy with the calls I get . Son has been stepping up his calls . That makes me happy . I guess I am turning into one of those selfish old women . Sorry I made you read this mess . Peace be with you . Right now I am feeling sorry for myself . I think it comes from the fact that I have had my wings cut - for about three weeks . I eagerly told the folks at the hospital that I certainly did have someone to help my when I got home . Just who in the hell did I think that was ? G has been late everyday , and is considering " working late " next week which means 7pm rather than 5 : 30 . So , here I sit . Sorry to be such a downer . Just a phase I guess . Peace be with you . During the day on Saturday there were no surprises . I asked my nurse if she thought the doctor would release me on Monday . I knew he wouldn 't go for anything before that . She came back , and said that he would release me on Monday afternoon . That 's what I wanted . I knew she would have to put pressure on him because he wouldn 't be in to see me until Tuesday when office hours were held and Valarie would be back . He is a brilliant surgeon , and has many interests ( his bachelor was in biology - like mine ) , but his nurse keeps him on the straight and narrow with the daily menial things . So I knew I had to work through the nurse . So it was set . When it was time that the night nurse came on , things were different . She came in and said she was going to take the IV out . That 's good . But this one was not in a place that hurt , and even though it was old - it still worked . No she meant she was going to take out that one only to put in a new one . I don 't know why , but all the veins in my left arm decided to be non - cooperative . This particular nurse seems to have great problems finding a vein . So after the poked around my hand for a vein ( trying twice with a stick ) , she attached a new IV . It was in a place that hurt . Sunday was OK until about 10pm . I was settling down to go to sleep . I had the TV on still , and I was snuggled in the bed . All the sudden , there was a noise in the hall , and then my door was thrown open with great force . There appeared something . I couldn 't tell if it were man or woman . It was shouting something that was not plain . In fact , this scene could have come from your basic horror movie where the monster appears . I was scared to death . I laid there wondering what to do . I had the call button in hand . Do I call the nurses station or use the button to beat the thing . About that time , another nurse entered the room . She told me that the woman ( at least now I knew ) was looking for her mother 's room , and she was quite retarded . She said " she wasn 't all there . " No kidding ! Monday came . Noon passed . No doctor . We waitePosted by OK - Thursday morning has dawned . Well not really . I had visitors it seemed every 30 minutes , but , your know , that 's SOP for hospital stays post surgery . When 7am finally rolled around , I called to place my breakfast order . Simple - scrambled eggs , sausage . . . " YOU CAN ' T HAVE THAT " . What ? ? I am still on the clear liquids diet . Oh come on folks . I have a digestive system that can take a regular diet now . I am not some little shrinking violet who would not be able to tolerate a real breakfast . So I had jello , cranberry juice , beef broth , and coffee . I was not a happy camper . Not . At . All . I asked the nurse how I can get off this thing . I had to tolerate that , and then she could move me to a liquid diet for lunch . Oh happy day . So lunch looked a lot like breakfast , but I added cream of wheat . " You know you will have to wait an extra time for the cream of wheat . " You mean to tell me I am the only patient in this huge hospital who is on this " diet , " and wants cream of wheat instead of tomato soup ? Ok . I 'll wait . PT came in to " evaluate me . I got the walker and walked to the end of the hall . She remarked about how well I did . Oh yes , I know the rules of this game . The second PT came later . It was my sweet Mike from the last time . Once again , off I went to the end of the hall . Things went well for the remainder of the day . Nothing remarkable happened . Come Friday morning . I was on a regular diet - finally . That was great . I still had the catheter and the epidural was out yesterday . No reason to get up for anything at that point . After a bit , here was Mike . I jumped out of bed , I was hurting so bad . I made myself walk to the door to the room and about three doors out in the hall . I went back . My thigh , of all things was killing me . A while later , Mike came in and took the " automatic ice pack " off . He made up an old fashioned one . He said it would mold better . Some time later , the doc and nurse came in to change the bandage . I told him it is a good thing this is # 2 because if it had # 1 , there would be no second . They were at a lPosted by It was absolutely touch and go , but I managed to get spung from the hospital . I really think Dr Bones would really have wanted me to stay through today . Five days is absolutely enough - especially with the one night nurse I had . I will let the story unfold . With all that has happened ( one incident especially ) are really worth relating , so this may take several installments . It is worth recording ! We arrived at the hospital at the assigned hour - 7am on Wednesday . We got to the assembly area , and there was nary a soul there . There was a sign , and on that sign there was a number to call . But this number was an in - house one . There was no house phone . I remembered there was a number to call on my paperwork from the pre - hospitalization work . I called it on my cell , and they would come out to get me . OK . All went well until it was time for the IV . Now , only my left arm is to be used since the mastectomy on the right . We want to avoid lymphedema . The nurse looked at my lower arm and hand . She tried once on the underside . If you are in this situation , and they are poking around the underside of your wrist , hit them ! That is the most painful place on the arm ! Anyway , she didn 't hit the vein , or if so , it fried immediately . So the little guy from anesthesia tried . I felt more assured , but guess what - he blew another two of three veins . I 'm beginning to think that we won 't have the surgery . The other doc from anesthesia came in . He began looking . He mentioned the words you really don 't want to hear - using the neck . Fortunately , he got one in the upper hand , but used a smaller cannula for it not to blow the vein . Then he did the epidural . He was so much better than the last one ! This time there was very little pain . It was just a matter of minutes , and I was on my way to the surgery suite . I was transferred to the table , the real anesthesia was administered and I was gone . There were a bunch of bone fragments to be removed , and the knee was 5 millimeters smaller than the rest on all the measurements . But it was in , and I went Posted by I was a woman who dreaded the thought of getting older and becoming a grandmother . Now being a grandmother is one of my greatest joys . Time changes us all . Hopefully for the better . Retirement is the greatest thing in the world - I wish I could have done it at 23 . |
I am daughter , although my parents have passed , a wife , mother and grandmother , and now another woman battling breast cancer . These are a few thoughts about my life and life in general . Some may be humorous , some serious - just like life . Come join me ! I did run away to the SSB . We hadn 't been there since Mothers Day . Staying away is problematic in several ways . You never know what may have happened to the place , and we have been in civilization too long . Before we left , G talked about how low our electric bill was for the month . That raised fears because we leave the air conditioning on when we are gone ( well in the winter the heat is left on too ) . It gets so hot in the house if we don 't the laminate wood floors want to get up are walk out . This isn 't a good thing . In the winter , we are afraid the pipes may break . To say it gets hot there is putting it mildly . I have a rain gauge / thermometer on the back deck . When we got there , about 3 : 30 Saturday afternoon , the temperature on that thermometer was 105 . It is in the sun . Can 't track rain if the collector is under something . The thermometer is in that whole set up . The weekend was good . I really realized that my knees and back are better . I don 't know why I realized it there more than here t home , but I did . I could get so much done , and after five years or so of slacking off , the house needed it . When it is just the two of us , we load the dishwasher daily , but since it takes so long to wash them , we wait until the night before we leave . Don 't turn up your nose - the dishes are rinsed , and it doesn 't stink ! I just hate to use a lot of water up there . We are on a well , and we have to hope that well doesn 't run dry . Water is precious in Texas . I was going to say just West Texas , but really it should be considered precious all over the state . We tend to think that when we turn on that faucet , fresh , clean water will come out . It could disappear . Enough soap box . The reason I mentioned the dishwasher is the thing was put in last year . After about seven loads - both those marathon ones from the two of us to everyday because there are 10 + people in the house . Anyway - when we had people , it quit . In the middle of a cycle , it began to empty and it quit . Dead . Nothing . No lights , nothing . In that neck of the woods , it is diGrandma K As I sit here in my fuzzy state because the physical therapist will be here about 9 : 30 , and I have only had a single cup of coffee , I have to reflect on yesterday " s fiasco . The lap top has been acting wonky , so I have been trying to salvage web sites , passwords , etc from it before it may expire completely . It was really acting up yesterday , so in my great wisdom , I thought it would be wise to run a scan to try to clean up the hard drive - anything to see if it helps . My " subscription " to McAssee had lapsed . I wasn 't too upset because I have what consider a great firewall , so I didn 't re - subscribe . I thought I could use the old program to run a scan on the computer . Guess what ? NO , Nope Nada . You haven 't rented us again . You just think you own this program . You have only been renting it all these years . If you want to check your computer , pony up the money , sweetheart . So I did . Then came the download . I didn 't sign up for a life time of sitting at my computer , trying to get the program to download . But that 's what I did . At first , I couldn 't get the program onto my computer . The error message kept popping up that the download couldn 't start . I guess the trojans lurking in the far recesses of the hard drive threatened the little new program . It was too timid to even open . Finally about 5 yesterday , the program downloaded . This after about twenty restarts of the computer . Last night I went to bed with the killer doing its thing on the computer . It had gotten to about half of the hard drive . Sometime in the middle of the night , the virus killer completed its task . I turned on the computer this morning , and there were the results . There were four items , including of all things a trojan from FIREFOX . Ye Gad , this is supposed to be the safe way to surf the internet . What would I have had if I had been using the terrible Microsoft Explorer . Mmmmmmm , yeah . So that 's what has been going on with this dear little lap top . She is no longer bright and shiny . She sports some information taped to her large keyboard . She has a few dPosted by The beginning of the day was sleeping late , but that 's not interesting ! ! We slept late because I had an ortho doc appointment . G was going into work later after my appointment . Ortho guy usually runs on time , but not today . He was running over an hour late . When he came to our room , it was obvious why . His brain wasn 't in the office today . Don 't get me wrong . I wouldn 't have any other doctor cutting on me to do total joint replacements ! He likes to talk to his patients . What I meant was that Valarie wasn 't with him today . She is his right hand man . She takes care of all the little things like scheduling surgeries , keeping him moving , and so on . Anyway , he asked me to raise my right knee . This was the latest one replaced . I wish you could have seen his face when I was able to raise it almost straight out ! He was amazed . But then I have amazed two different physical therapists too . I seem to get over these well . My big thing was driving . When ? ? ? ? He said that I could do practice driving . What ! ? ! Am I 14 again ? That made me think back to when I was doing practice driving . My dad would take me out in the old ' 53 Ford sedan . It was a stick shift , and the emergency brake was the old " umbrella " sort . For you youngsters , that is one that has a handle on it like an umbrella , and it was located on the right side of the dashboard . He would take me out to what was at that time far northwest San Antonio . That is the area where the Hill Country began to send it 's tendril of small hills into the city . Even small hills looked like the Matahorn to me when I had to stop at the stop sign at the top . I found that all my appendages didn 't work together . I had an impossible time pushing on the gas a little while letting out that blasted clutch . So when the motor died ( was massacred by me ) , I would have to pull out the emergency brake , restart the engine , and NOW push the brake in a little , give a little gas , and let the clutch out a little . I think we spent hours there . The whole time I stayed in San Antonio , there were areas I would stayPosted by Saturday night started things off . It was SIL 's surprise 40th birthday . I decided to make him an apron , so that took up all Saturday afternoon . My machine only embroideries at a rather slow speed . I was dreading the party because his mother , father , sister and daughter were there . We are just not the same people and we have nothing but the three grandchildren in common . They have done some horrendous things , at least by my way of thinking . I told G I can forgive , but I cannot forget . Yes , I have turned the other cheek , but I keep a wary eye out for the good one . His mother will talk about everyone behind their back , but is just so sweet to their face . Sunday , we had a rehash of Saturday but only our family . It was nice . Monday , I had more injections in my back . This time I wanted to not get that horrible headache after treatment . So when I got home , as soon as I had eaten breakfast / lunch , I went to bed . I slept for at least three hours . I awoke to the cable being out . It makes me want to get rid of Comcast even more . I pretty much stayed in bed , but the headache came about 9 . It kept me awake until midnight . I was to go to clinic to get my drugs . That is a trip in itself . I know some of those folks are there just to get the drugs either for a high or to sell them . Most are there for real pain issues though . We waited and waited . My appointment was for 8 : 30 . At 9 : 15 , I was called back . They weren 't going to see me . I was supposed to get my meds at the place I got the injections . The place I get injections , after you once get into the system for the shots , is an assembly line . The anesthesiologist pretty much apologized for the uncomfortable table . He said it was for speed not comfort . Is that ever right . You get on the table , get moved around into the proper position . You get the nasal cannula for oxygen ( I HATE that ! ! ! ) . When you are in the right position the " master " enters , and the relaxation meds hit . Soon sleep happens . After the " master " has completed his little injections in the spine , you suddenly are awake andPosted by In my religion , we don 't have to go to confession . When I was younger , it was part of the liturgy . We would publically confession that we have sinned " by thought word and deed . We have not love you with our whole hearts . . . " and so on . This little venue seems to have become a confessional . Sorry , but here comes another confession . I had hoped fervently that SIL 's family would not be in town for this party . I am so bad . I really didn 't mean real harm to her , but I was hoping her doctor would tell her she was retaining too much fluid to travel for three hours . Oh how I hoped . I should be so ashamed , and I guess , if truth be known , I am not . These people are horrible , flat horrible . I am sure I have talked about why I dislike them so , but I have no idea where it might be . They are trying to hide it a bit , but they are for the blood . In other works , my daughter could just disappear , then it would be the true blood for their family - son and grandchildren . They have behaved so abominably at things that we have hosted they should be embarrassed . But they are so _________, ( I can 't think of a word that describes them ) I am dreading the party tomorrow . I can 't move as quickly as before . I think she will have enough sense to stay away , but with those matching scars on my knee , I 'm afraid I am going to be in her sights to talk about illnesses . Oh no ! They are dirt poor They have cell phones with all kinds of texting , and all the other bells and whistles that I don 't know about because I still have my little one that will text , but I had that blocked , BIG screens TV , a granddaughter who has clothes she hasn 't even put on that lives with them with her mom , - in other words they spend on foolishness - not bills . Their previous solution to be behind on the rent was to move . They called my daughter pretentious because she came from a family who paid their bills , and yet had a few things too . So because she came from a family that paid their bills and managed to have a few things - she was pretentious . But they will happily move the Posted by OK . I waved the white flag . I gave up , and I needed help . Told Daughter I would appreciate her turning some of the neck coolers . She replied " do I have to pick them up today ? " I said no . I didn 't think I could possibly turn all 50 + of them alone . Well , I sat down after doing other things that needed to be completed , and I began turning . I did all but one last night , and that one I just did . So today I will press them , find the opening , stitch the other end shut , pour in the hygroscopic stuff , and stitch out label on that opening . This will certainly take some time , but I will find a rhythm , and then it won 't be so bad . But when she discovers that I have finished , crocodile tears will be in order . I really feel like the little , red hen . You remember that ol ' gal . She did all the work , all the while asking for help . It was only when she completed the task ( baking the bread ) did she get offers of help - to eat that bread . Well , that 's the way it is around here . I ask , hint , whatever for help . There are excuses , then all want to share in the finished productI told Daughter that during the July 4th holiday I wanted to set up a dry run of our craft set up . We need to get things arranged in a cute way - one that is planned out , not thrown up . How did she sound ? Well if you can get into negative inflections , that 's where she was . I could hear the wheels turning to find a way to get out of it . She finally said she had a four day weekend then . Who wants to set up a table to guess when I will have help ? Those of you who place your bets on never will probably be the big winner , but the pot will have to be split too many ways to make it worth your while . Why don 't I get G to help , you say ? Even the sound of fireworks can 't cover the emissions of curse words coming from his mouth . If he has to do something that isn 't on his list of things to do , he becomes a three old with temper tantrums . That is why I don 't ask him for help - ever , and when he wants suggestions on where to go , what to eat , and all the rest , I just say " I don 't Grandma K I finally did it . I absolutely have to have help turning those neck coolers . It takes me 20 minutes to turn one , and we have 54 of those little babes to turn . I asked Daughter this morning . Of course , she volunteered yesterday , but never came by to get any . I suggested that Lady Bug would be successful especially with her little fingers , and I would pay her 50 cents from each one sold . Well - as long as they get done . I am concerned with the left knee ( that 's the old one ) . Something in there keeps rolling about . I don 't think it should do that . So I am very cautious getting up . That seems to be when there is the most problem , and if I 'm not careful from then on , it will snap , crackle , and pop with every movement . after July 10 ( Round Up ) we can do whatever . So I am keeping my mouth shot . I have said I would start fixing dinner again . I did it Monday . I was exhausted and in pain Monday night . I don 't know if it was one or all of the things I did Monday . I fixed dinner , I cleaned the kitchen , I had gone upstairs , and had PT . All I know is instead of a shower Monday night , I fell asleep in the bed at 9 . I fixed dinner and did part of the kitchen last night . It wasn 't so bad . Today I have dinner planned . We 'll see how I feel because I also have PT . If only I had known what life was going to be like at 64 . I could have done a lot to help my knees , and in fact I could have helped my entire body . I keep telling Daughter . . . Anyway - peace be with you Actually I wanted that title to be a little different , but I 'll be nice . I am really torn by this thing with daughter . It would be easier if she wouldn 't make the statement that she would do something then not do it . I could be much happier , and could have been especially when I was stuck in the hospital , if she wouldn 't say she would come by . Then she doesn 't show . That really is a blow to me . Yesterday , she said she would be coming over after work to leave the d * & m invitation to this " surprise " party ( if his family knows about it - SIL knows about it ) . it so happened G was outside . She was able to remain in the car with Lady Bug , and not come in . Let 's see now . I believe the last time I saw her was the Thursday post surgery . She said she would be helping me with getting the things ready for the " Round Up " craft show . It is the second weekend of July . I still have a lot of things to be done that they want to have . I am torn . I KNOW she has three kids , she works full time , she is working for this party ( and the OCD doesn 't help there ) , and then there 's me . So I feel like warmed over dog doo to complain , although it is only here , about it all . In brighter news , I suddenly realized that in December of this year , it has been five years . Five years is quite a landmark for cancer people . Survival rates are based on five years . Well , if nothing happens - I will join the ranks of a five year survivor . OK ! In my email today , there was a surprise . My email service will only let those through that are in my mailbox , but it will have a suspicious email section . Many emails are just trashed without me ever seeing them , but these are nicety put into a folder . I go through that folder . Today there was one with only a name . There was no subject , but I opened it anyway . The name was a good old German name . G and I are both German . I always thought it was more German than I because I suspected I wasn 't . Well he is only 1 / 2 German , while I am about 3 / 4 . With trepidation , I opened that email . It was from a young woman who read my genePosted by I 'm still around , and getting better everyday . My knee is stronger with less pain . Its easier to get up from , well , only the bed . That isn 't good . Every single stick of furniture in my den is just a scootch too low . But then this is something I hate to face , but it is getting more and more evident . I think I am having a problem with knee number 1 . When I see the doctor in about two more weeks , I am going to tell him about it . Sometimes , it pops and sounds like something is loose in there . You can hear it , and I certainly feel it . But on to different things . Daughter and I now have en elephant in the room . The elephant is last weekend when I didn 't hear from her . I really think she thinks she is right , but in her heart knows she isn 't . So we just go on and haven 't mentioned it . I have asked her nothing about it when I know there is a lot to tell : step - daughter 's high school graduation , her MIL in the hospital , the general drama that goes on in that house . Oh well . I have found a way to shut up phone solicitors . When they are cheery and bright asking how I am , I just say not so good . They are at first confused because this isn 't on their script . Then they stammer and apologize . Too funny . I have an at home PT therapist . She is so bright and bubbly on the phone that I , at first , thought this would be a bad thing . She also has a very thick accent . With my brain on drugs , it doesn 't translate well . So I had this preconceived idea before she came . I was expecting the worse . Actually the sessions have been good . She is very aware of my back problems , and works around that . So far , it is good . The bug in this is that she can come until I am able to drive , then it is over . That is both bad and good . She can be discontinued , and I can go back to the therapist at the pain office . Either way I win . I just completed the cutting out of the neck coolers we are going to have for the July craft show . Next is the sewing and putting the water holding gel into them . Daughter has volunteered . We 'll see . I have my small machine downstairPosted by As usual , I am writing like Monkey Boy speaks - stream of consciousness . So it will be a case of hanging on ! I never , never thought these words ( actually thoughts for words ) would come to my mind . I might like to move to the SSB . It is about 340 miles from here - that translates to 5 - 6 hours drive . Why do I want to do that ? Well , even if the closest neighbor is a mile away , those folks are closer than the ones here ! I 'm tired of being lonely . Daugher used to be closer to me than she is now . I know her kidlets are getting older , but she doesn 't do as much with them to account for the difference in our relationship . Her calls are fewer and fewer , unless SIL is gone . Then she is on the phone with me all the time . They went to San Antonio this weekend . She had not called until almost family dinner time last night . I was asleep , and G didn 't wake me . Go G ! I know I am emotional right now . I know I shouldn 't be this way . I should be happy with the calls I get . Son has been stepping up his calls . That makes me happy . I guess I am turning into one of those selfish old women . Sorry I made you read this mess . Peace be with you . Right now I am feeling sorry for myself . I think it comes from the fact that I have had my wings cut - for about three weeks . I eagerly told the folks at the hospital that I certainly did have someone to help my when I got home . Just who in the hell did I think that was ? G has been late everyday , and is considering " working late " next week which means 7pm rather than 5 : 30 . So , here I sit . Sorry to be such a downer . Just a phase I guess . Peace be with you . During the day on Saturday there were no surprises . I asked my nurse if she thought the doctor would release me on Monday . I knew he wouldn 't go for anything before that . She came back , and said that he would release me on Monday afternoon . That 's what I wanted . I knew she would have to put pressure on him because he wouldn 't be in to see me until Tuesday when office hours were held and Valarie would be back . He is a brilliant surgeon , and has many interests ( his bachelor was in biology - like mine ) , but his nurse keeps him on the straight and narrow with the daily menial things . So I knew I had to work through the nurse . So it was set . When it was time that the night nurse came on , things were different . She came in and said she was going to take the IV out . That 's good . But this one was not in a place that hurt , and even though it was old - it still worked . No she meant she was going to take out that one only to put in a new one . I don 't know why , but all the veins in my left arm decided to be non - cooperative . This particular nurse seems to have great problems finding a vein . So after the poked around my hand for a vein ( trying twice with a stick ) , she attached a new IV . It was in a place that hurt . Sunday was OK until about 10pm . I was settling down to go to sleep . I had the TV on still , and I was snuggled in the bed . All the sudden , there was a noise in the hall , and then my door was thrown open with great force . There appeared something . I couldn 't tell if it were man or woman . It was shouting something that was not plain . In fact , this scene could have come from your basic horror movie where the monster appears . I was scared to death . I laid there wondering what to do . I had the call button in hand . Do I call the nurses station or use the button to beat the thing . About that time , another nurse entered the room . She told me that the woman ( at least now I knew ) was looking for her mother 's room , and she was quite retarded . She said " she wasn 't all there . " No kidding ! Monday came . Noon passed . No doctor . We waitePosted by OK - Thursday morning has dawned . Well not really . I had visitors it seemed every 30 minutes , but , your know , that 's SOP for hospital stays post surgery . When 7am finally rolled around , I called to place my breakfast order . Simple - scrambled eggs , sausage . . . " YOU CAN ' T HAVE THAT " . What ? ? I am still on the clear liquids diet . Oh come on folks . I have a digestive system that can take a regular diet now . I am not some little shrinking violet who would not be able to tolerate a real breakfast . So I had jello , cranberry juice , beef broth , and coffee . I was not a happy camper . Not . At . All . I asked the nurse how I can get off this thing . I had to tolerate that , and then she could move me to a liquid diet for lunch . Oh happy day . So lunch looked a lot like breakfast , but I added cream of wheat . " You know you will have to wait an extra time for the cream of wheat . " You mean to tell me I am the only patient in this huge hospital who is on this " diet , " and wants cream of wheat instead of tomato soup ? Ok . I 'll wait . PT came in to " evaluate me . I got the walker and walked to the end of the hall . She remarked about how well I did . Oh yes , I know the rules of this game . The second PT came later . It was my sweet Mike from the last time . Once again , off I went to the end of the hall . Things went well for the remainder of the day . Nothing remarkable happened . Come Friday morning . I was on a regular diet - finally . That was great . I still had the catheter and the epidural was out yesterday . No reason to get up for anything at that point . After a bit , here was Mike . I jumped out of bed , I was hurting so bad . I made myself walk to the door to the room and about three doors out in the hall . I went back . My thigh , of all things was killing me . A while later , Mike came in and took the " automatic ice pack " off . He made up an old fashioned one . He said it would mold better . Some time later , the doc and nurse came in to change the bandage . I told him it is a good thing this is # 2 because if it had # 1 , there would be no second . They were at a lPosted by It was absolutely touch and go , but I managed to get spung from the hospital . I really think Dr Bones would really have wanted me to stay through today . Five days is absolutely enough - especially with the one night nurse I had . I will let the story unfold . With all that has happened ( one incident especially ) are really worth relating , so this may take several installments . It is worth recording ! We arrived at the hospital at the assigned hour - 7am on Wednesday . We got to the assembly area , and there was nary a soul there . There was a sign , and on that sign there was a number to call . But this number was an in - house one . There was no house phone . I remembered there was a number to call on my paperwork from the pre - hospitalization work . I called it on my cell , and they would come out to get me . OK . All went well until it was time for the IV . Now , only my left arm is to be used since the mastectomy on the right . We want to avoid lymphedema . The nurse looked at my lower arm and hand . She tried once on the underside . If you are in this situation , and they are poking around the underside of your wrist , hit them ! That is the most painful place on the arm ! Anyway , she didn 't hit the vein , or if so , it fried immediately . So the little guy from anesthesia tried . I felt more assured , but guess what - he blew another two of three veins . I 'm beginning to think that we won 't have the surgery . The other doc from anesthesia came in . He began looking . He mentioned the words you really don 't want to hear - using the neck . Fortunately , he got one in the upper hand , but used a smaller cannula for it not to blow the vein . Then he did the epidural . He was so much better than the last one ! This time there was very little pain . It was just a matter of minutes , and I was on my way to the surgery suite . I was transferred to the table , the real anesthesia was administered and I was gone . There were a bunch of bone fragments to be removed , and the knee was 5 millimeters smaller than the rest on all the measurements . But it was in , and I went Posted by I was a woman who dreaded the thought of getting older and becoming a grandmother . Now being a grandmother is one of my greatest joys . Time changes us all . Hopefully for the better . Retirement is the greatest thing in the world - I wish I could have done it at 23 . |
L is crying in his bed . It makes me feel sick to my stomach . I don 't know whether to go to him or not . I know if I do go to him , it will turn into a big crying / whining fest along with lamenting and self - hatred I 'm sure . I 'm trying to get him to bed early ( ish ) for once . My goal was 7 : 30 , but that time went past quickly and there was much stalling going on , so when the light finally got turned out , it was about 8 : 10 or so . I put some quiet piano music on on his iPod dock , but as soon as I left the room , he ripped his iPod off the dock . I don 't know why . Maybe it was an act of defiance , maybe it annoyed him , who knows , I didn 't ask . I know he is tired . He MUST be ! 11 : 00 bedtime last night , nearly 10 : 30 the night before , and late nights of past 9 before that , all with rising around 7 in the morning . He was yawning away this evening , and was suffering from a bad headache late this afternoon . The headache worries me , as headaches always do with the kids . Likely the cause was fatigue , as well as some dehydration ( he doesn 't drink enough ) and also part hunger too . But then there 's the worried part of me that wonders if it 's a side effect of the St . John 's Wort , and the even more worried part that immediately thinks the worst . I can 't even type it out . So I don 't know if I should go in . I knew it was going to be a difficult bedtime . DH is out for the evening at a work function . Well , he didn 't even come home , so L hasn 't seen him at all today . His behaviour was starting to ramp up already at dinner time , and escalated to annoying behaviours from there , like refusing to do as he was told and generally acting like a two year old . Part of me is cursing myself for letting him stay home today , but I 'm sure I took the lesser of the two evils . He would have been in a real funk if he 'd gone to school and had to endure a sad movie as well as teasing . I hate though that I 'm leaving him to his misery . I don 't want him to feel alone in this , I want to be supportive . But I also REALLY want him to go to sleep . He needs that so badly . I 'm sitting on the stairs , to be able to hear him more easily , to decipher , I suppose , what 's going on . It 's quiet now , but that doesn 't mean he 's asleep . He could be playing on his iPod . Maybe I should check . . . . Last night and this morning haven 't been too bad . Not sure if its the incentive thing , or what . He 's also not sick , which helps a huge amount as well . Last night he went to bed fairly nicely , although he 's still pulling a lot of stalls so we still can 't get him to bed early enough . However , I don 't want to ruin the pleasant ( ish ) vibe of these bedtimes just to get angry at him for stalling . The improvement of not having whining and screaming is all I can ask for right now . Expeditious bedtimes are not in the immediate future , I 'm sure . I have started him on St . John 's Wort . I can 't find a whole lot of info about using it for children , although there is a bit . It 's like that with most holistic things , I find . No one wants to say anything , because nothing has been " scientifically proven " , although there at least has been more research on St . John 's Wort than there has been on other types of natural remedies . That being said , I 'm watching him as best I can for side effects or allergic reactions , and I am giving him less than half the adult dose . Of course now I wonder if that 's even enough , but I can up it to half once I know if his body is ok with it or not ( you never know with my family ) . I also bought some herbal tea with all kinds of good things like cinnamon and chamomile in it for him . It 's actually called " happy tea " which made me think it would have cannabis or something in it ! As well , I stocked up on Rescue Remedy for the really anxious times , and I also found Rescue Remedy in a pastille form in black currant flavour . I had to point out to L they ARE NOT CANDY and showed him the price tag to prove it ( $ 8 ! ) since he 's quite old enough to understand that . So last night , even though he went to bed ok , he still came downstairs a bit later to have a conversation with me about school . He expressed a huge dislike for this extra help group he goes to during the day for reading and writing . A SERT runs it , and she 's one of the ones I like . I know that he just doesn 't like work in general , especially reading and wriBedtime was very late again . We try to get things going before 8 : 30 normally , but last night we were finishing off a movie we had started the night before . So it was about 9 before we sent them up to bed ( they were all ready ) but still , L was anxious again about the extra help class and so we talked for a bit and he had a pastille and I set up the iPod for a half hour of him listening to a movie . I don 't think the movie thing is working out too well . He is too tempted to watch it , and so he ends up taking it off the dock like last night . When I went to bed at 10 : 30 , he was still awake . And then at 11 , I heard him get up to go to the bathroom , so he still wasn 't sleeping yet . This is getting ridiculous and I really hope this isn 't turning into a nightly insomnia thing . Lack of sleep just makes him worse , as does hunger . I 'm really going to try hard for an earlier bedtime tonight , like 8 : 00 . This morning was extremely difficult . Or maybe I just felt like it was , and it wasn 't much more than other times when I 've given in and yelled at L . I tried really hard not to yell , and reminded myself many times that this isn 't my child , that this is his illness , but it 's hard . Again , where do I draw the line between acceptance that he can 't help this , and realization of bad behaviour ? I struggle so with this , and can 't wait to talk to a psychologist to have a professional opinion . As a side note , I 'm sitting in the OB / GYN office waiting for my appointment . I 'm watching all these pregnant ladies go in and out with their husbands , and sometimes toddler as well . I look at their faces and see all the excitement and anticipation they have for this new life . This is the very office I was in when I was pregnant with L . The same dr , the same excitement and anticipation . Wow , that was nearly ten years ago , and never did I imagine this is how that small precious life would play out . Anyhow , last night wasn 't too bad . I know there were feelings there for him , anxiety , and despair as well for the looming school day to come . But with the promise of earning a puzzle piece ( he 's decided his prize is work gloves , safety goggles and a hammer for " mining " rocks ) he went to bed fairly well . Again , I 'm not sure if this is right , this bribery . Am I bribing him to behave so I have an easier time , and is that fair to him ? Am I bribing him to suppress those feelings , to stifle the urge to tell me all of them ? Yes , that 's easier for me , but not necessarily easier for him . He didn 't speak to me in the morning , and gave me a hard time about doing anything I asked . He even sat down in a snow bank on the way to school so that I had to physically hoist him up and push him along . Once at school , he didn 't acknowledge me but went to his lineup and sat down . I waited , spying on him until the bell rang and he went in , because I honestly didn 't know if he would try to skip off . After school , he was speaking again , although still disgruntled about having to go to school , and he told me that some kids were picking on him . When I asked about what , it was a story I 'd heard before . Apparently , one day L let it be known that he didn 't believe in God or organized religion . I had warned him that if he threw that in people 's faces , that there would be repercussions . Some people will take great offence to that , no matter where you are . So he told me that there are a few kids that just won 't leave it alone , and keep asking him why he Sigh . When he was in a more positive frame of mind , I discussed it more with him , and talked to him about how this kid is just trying to get a rise out of him , and how he 's actually REALLY good at ignoring people , like he did to me that morning . Hopefully he 'll give that a try tomorrow , or whenever it happens again . He went to bed well tonight , which was surprising . He was asking me if he gets a puzzle piece , so he wants to earn them . He also ended up staying up late reading a graphic novel - type book I got for him from the library . The times he reads voluntarily are few and far between , so it pains me greatly to have to tell him to stop and go to sleep , like I would to R . Plus we had said to him before that if his mind is worried at bedtime , to try reading , so I can 't exactly tell him to stop . I guess he 'll be tired tomorrow . I guess I had this naive idea that weekend nights would be better than week nights . Generally , they are , and I suppose I 'd come to expect that they just should be . But tonight wasn 't great . The day had been good , but ended when DH got angry at L for whining . Actually , it started with L repeating over and over again a line from an annoying song . While it was nice that he was happy enough to sing , the song was less than desirable to have in my head , and he was asked to stop several times . So after about the third time , DH told him to stop . L said , " Sooooorrrreeeeee " in a very whiny voice which led to DH telling him to stop whining , more whining , and so on . He stormed off upstairs . After about twenty minutes , DH went up to see how he was , but he wouldn 't speak to him or make eye contact . Eventually , I went up and we had a conversation . I tried to explain to him that he shouldn 't have been whining , that all he needed to do was stop , take a breath , maybe count to ten and proceed in a calm normal voice to say he was sorry . He tried to tell me that daddy ruined his perfectly happy day ( uh - huh , yeah ) and it went from there . I can 't recount everything we said , because our conversations seem to go in circles . Me saying something logical , him twisting it and being far too literal , me reiterating and trying to fine - tune my message , him interrupting me with a completely far - fetched and loosely connected scenario trying to prove me wrong , and so on . . . . Somehow we came around to going out to pick a " prize " , to try this incentive program . He started crying saying he 'll never be able to earn it . I don 't know if he 's feeling overwhelmed and defeated before he starts , or if he 's just setting himself and me up for his failure , so he doesn 't really have to even try . I laid down some rules for earning a piece of puzzle towards this prize , hoping that would ease his mind and show him that it 's achievable . But he was in just too negative a frame of mind . The evening ended with him trying to tape his bedroom doorknob up so it couldn 't be turned , then me leaving without really saying a proper goodnight , because apparently he hates himself and ( said screaming because I started to walk away at this point ) he HATES HIS FAMILY ! ! Once again , L was home from school today ( another 2 - day school week , sigh ) . Last night at around 11 : 30 , he woke up and puked , then felt very nauseous for the rest of the night until he finally gave in to the Gravol and slept . In the morning he was in better spirits than yesterday , ( go figure he was staying home from school ) but he continued to have an upset stomach for the day and ate only small amounts of bland food . By this evening , I 'm sure he was feeling ok since he REALLY wanted to have some pizza , but under the advisement not to , he decided it was better to wait until tomorrow instead of pushing it . Then came bedtime . At 8 : 25 I turned off the tv and announced time for bed , at which point he protested and whined . Then , suddenly and magically he was feeling nauseous again . Hmm . Now I know he isn 't making it up , but I 'm pretty convinced that he 's making himself nauseous with stress or worry or whatever . Over what , though ? He 's not going to school tomorrow as it 's Saturday , and he doesn 't have homework for the weekend , so I can only think that he is worrying himself sick over being sick . Ridiculous , eh ? Then he came downstairs , crying that he felt nauseous again . So the thing that was taking his mind off feeling sick was off and now he had nothing to distract him . The movie thing is great , only he won 't fall asleep to it , which would be ideal . He just stays awake watching it , then starts the pattern all over again . I told DH that I 'm worried now this is something else to add to his list , and now instead of crying and / or screaming and / or lamenting , we 'll have to endure increasing hours of nausea . Well , he will , and I 'll have to endure sitting there rubbing his back and wishing I could take it away , and both of us not getting all the sleep we need . I don 't doubt that L 's sleep debt is racking up , but it seems like no matter what , lately we can 't seem to get him more sleep . Earlier bedtimes get stretched to late ones , late ones become later , telling him to sleep in is like telling your newborn to sleep in . He wants to sleep in on school days of course , but on days he doesn 't need to be up , he 's ALWAYS awake before 7 . I even tried to get him to nap today . We both lied down on the couch , the tv off , fireplace on , blankets on all cozy , and who slept ? Yes , me . When I cracked my eyes open , I could see he had retrieved his iPod and was playing that . He said he slept a bit , but I don 't believe it . So as of now , it 's 10 : 15 and I 'm wishing I could go to bed , and I will soon . But I need him to be asleep first , because honestly , I 'd rather stay awake all night than be woken an hour after drifting off to " MOOOOMMMEEEEEEEE ! " Fingers crossed he 's asleep now . Please , please be asleep . Today I had every intention of sending L to school for the morning and having his dad pick him up before his appt with the lady at home and then his paed . appt . However , just before six this morning , he was in the bathroom with an upset tummy . I don 't know if this is a bit of a bug , leftover tummy upset from his antibiotics , or stress . It could be a combo of all for all I know . So , feeling sorry for him , I let him stay home . And while he didn 't have to run to the toilet again , he did seem in discomfort during the day , didn 't want to eat much , and I could actually hear his tummy gurgling away sometimes . We had our appt with the lady from the children 's mental health place at 1 : 00 , but she didn 't ask much and only stayed a half hour . I 'm starting to wonder what she is even coming for . She asked if he 'd tried any of her previous suggestions , which he hadn 't much , and gave us a few more such as : to try picking an incentive to work towards for good behaviour at bedtime , try using music or some sound on his iPod to listen to when he can 't fall asleep , and write down his worries at night to help them " be off his mind " . Here 's why I don 't think any of this will work ; she seems to be treating this as some sort of choice for him . Like , I 'm all for an incentive program , but his bedtime issues aren 't really all behaviour . I don 't think he can help what 's happening . If I could reward him for not being sad or anxious at bedtime , that would be great , but to me , that just seems like I 'm asking him to pretend everything is ok for my sake and for the sake of getting the prize at the end . However , since I 'm not a professional , and I 'm desperate to try many things , I 'll give it a whirl . The iPod trick could work , as it works for many adults I know , so we 'll see about that . The writing down part likely won 't happen because first of all , he HATES writing , and second of all , I 'm not sure he 'll be so inclined to turn the light on and put pen to paper at 9 : 30 at night . I just don 't see it happening . After that , he went to his paed appt with his dad and from what DH told me what the dr said is that : A ) psychiatrists are covered under OHIP , which I didn 't know . There are three child ones where we live , and he said two he wouldn 't send us to , and the other is likely booked for a year or more ( Oy , vey ) B ) we can put him on medication if we wish , either Prozac or Zoloft I believe . It 's up to us , and we can wait until we see a psychiatrist , psychologist , or whatever or do it now . He said ( and I agree ) that its like his mind is stuck in a rut , and he won 't get better if we just ignore it . The rut will become deeper , and could lead to him actually harming himself . Medication could give his rut time to heal . . . . we need to think on it and do some research obviously . C ) the HSC in Toronto has some sort of Internet based psychiatry , but from what I understood from DH , we have to do it at our hospital . DH asked to be referred to that , but again , another wait there , hopefully not too long . I think that was about it . Oh , and his ears are clear again , although one eardrum has a small hole that is healing and there could be some scarring there . I 've come to realize over the last few weeks that when L isn 't feeling well , his mental symptoms are magnified . So I 'm really not looking forward to tonight . Right now he 's upstairs playing Lego with DH and R . It 's kind of a nice break for me right now , as I had a trying day today all around . I can hear him giggling and laughing , which is nice to hear , but as soon as he gets into that bed I just know there will be tears and more self - depreciating talk and likely some screaming when I leave . I never used to dread bedtimes , but I do now . I used to count the hours and minutes until adult evening time , but now I 'm willing the clock to slow down . At least tomorrow is Friday . Posted by This is the message I found in L 's room waiting for me . He did it this morning , when he was supposed to be getting dressed for school . He didn 't want to go to school this morning , of course , but it wasn 't as bad this morning as some others mornings . I wasn 't great either . My plan to wake him earlier and hopefully schedule in that delay / stall time of his worked , but only just . I need to schedule in more I think . I woke him around 7 : 10 , got out his clothes ( it 's just one less step for him to use as an excuse to go slower if I do it ) and he still wasn 't dressed and downstairs before 8 . At that point I was getting very annoyed , and ended up yelling , just a little though . And he did get fair warning too , like , " You are starting to make me very angry ! " and the like , stated MANY times ! Well , I did get him off to school , and after school he seemed fairly happy . We had a weird altercation with a friend who was supposed to come over to play , but never did , but to avoid a long story , L ended up having a different friend over to play , one whom I like much better anyway . Bedtime wasn 't too bad , he kept delaying it by stalling , but I 'll take that over the crying and lamenting of late . FEB 20 This morning was more stalling to get dressed , but I tempted him downstairs with fresh mango . He wasn 't too bad with going off to school , but I never got a goodbye as usual . I don 't know whether to make a big deal about that or not . It bugs me , of course . I 've gotten used to no longer getting a goodbye hug ( sadly ) , but lately , this ignoring me when I say goodbye to him really annoys me . It 's rude , quite frankly , and I 've always tried to teach my kids manners as best I can . I understand that he 's annoyed about having to go to school , and that I 'm the scapegoat , and I 've come to terms with that . He has to be angry with someone , and I 'd rather he be angry with me than himself , or his brother , or another kid . But should I make him say goodbye ? It 's another battle I just don 't think I 've got it in me to fight . I want to stick to my principles , to my guns , and tell him that 's extremely rude to not acknowledge someone when they talk to you . But is it worth it ? If I do fight this fight , I think all I 'm going to get is a sour look and maybe a mumbled " bye " anyway . And that 's not what I want . I want a happy bye . Or at least a goodbye with a resigned look or something . So tonight was a late night . It seems bedtime is getting later , instead of earlier . He 's had some homework these past few nights , so I felt like it would ease some of the pain of it if I let him have his playtime afterwards . Well , playtime led to tv time , which always becomes , " But I just wanna watch thiiisssssss . . . . . . " and I end up letting them stay up to see the end of whatever they 're watching . Then came the in - bed lamenting . Tonight it was something to do with how he wants to invent stuff , but no one will understand him , and he can 't do it in this body , and why can 't no one be famous and everyone be the same , and when I finally realized the stall tactics and left , it was a screamed out " IM STUPID ! ! ! " which I ignored . All I can say is that I 'm just glad I didn 't have to endure the " I hate my life , I have no friends , I want to die , I wish someone could undersMundane Momma So tonight was the night I 'd been dreading . I 'd been anxious about it most of the weekend . It was an extra long weekend here , with Friday being the day we skipped school and went skiing , and Monday was a holiday called Family Day . We went to the movies this afternoon , and so when we were on our way home I guess it hit L that this was it - the end of the weekend . He started groaning and saying oh no . DH and I both knew why without asking him . We managed to maintain through distraction and subject changes a fairly pleasant evening though , up until bedtime . L started to cry , and after some discussion this weekend , DH and I have decided to revert somewhat back to the way we used to handle his bedtime upsets ; by not giving them as much attention . I hate to abandon him to his depression though , but I really don 't know how much of his crying is the depression , and how much of it is for attention . Definitely tonight I can say that at least 70 % of it was for attention . He had such a good day and a not so bad evening even , he was just disappointed for it to end . And we all are , aren 't we ? I mean , who doesn 't want the weekend to last forever ? It 's a very lucky few of us that actually look forward to their work week . I just wish I could get him to understand that we 're all understanding of that feeling , and that you need to look for the small joys throughout your day and week to look forwards to . I did end up going back to his room . He said he was crying because he misses our old dog , Vader . He said there is only one kid at school who could understand that . I think he feels worried , anxious and sad , and he looks for reasons why he should feel that way to justify it to himself . This time it was Vader , other times it 's things like , " I don 't have any friends at school . " I 'm nervous about the morning . It 's making me sick , actually . I 'm almost as much of a wreck as he is at this point . Posted by So far , so good . Today and yesterday haven 't been bad at all . Of course , it 's the weekend - a long weekend at that - and therefore not many stress triggers . Ah well , at least fish are pretty cheap . And L is quite enamoured for now , with Richard ( his fish ) . That 's Richard after Richard Hammond from Top Gear . His stress has me so stressed out . I 'm dreading tomorrow night . I can 't wait for Thursday . That 's his paediatrician appointment , and I 'm hoping we can get some more answers . At least some tests done anyway . I want to rule out anything physical that may be in his head . I awoke Thursday after less than ample hours of sleep with a heavy heart . I was facing the daunting task of getting L off to school for the whole day today . The first whole day in a week . Strangely , he got himself up early ( for a school day ) and I found him in the bathroom playing with his new toy he 'd purchased for himself the night before . It 's a gun that shoots these gelatin - like beads . Messy , I know , but I gave up long ago fighting that innate male need for weapons in this house . But that 's another story . . . I think that he had remembered what I 'd said Wednesday night , BEFORE his meltdown . We had discussed him playing with it in the morning , after he was ready for school . I 'd also given him warnings that he wasn 't to give me a hard time when it was time to come inside ( yes , it 's an outdoor toy ! ) or he would lose it for a day . But that was the night before . It didn 't necessarily mean that he would adhere to it that day . But he got up , got dressed , had breakfast and got his bag ready for school . Then , when I said it was time to leave for school , get this - I don 't get it . Was it the new toy ? Was it because it was Valentine 's Day , and therefore not much work ? Was it because we were taking the day off Friday for skiing ? After school , he had a friend over , someone he hadn 't had over for quite awhile . They were BFFs in JK / SK but seemed to have grown apart lately , perhaps because his mom had taken a new job and therefore their schedules didn 't work so well for play dates anymore . I 'm glad they reconnected . Friday we went skiing with my sister N and her two . The day was . . . well , not as great as I had hoped . I guess my expectation was that L would enjoy the day , would want to hang with his little cousins , maybe even take on a bit of a teaching role . Mostly , he skied with his brother , going up ahead on the chairlift with him , and waiting at the bottom of the hill for us . He started to get somewhat grumpy throughout the morning , and I wondered aloud to my sis if maybe it was jealousy . I was spending more time with my sis , niece and nephew than him . At one point L and I got some one - on - one time , that didn 't go well . He was grumpy , and easily frustrated , and getting angry with me for really no reason at all . His typical lead - up to a meltdown . I was getting annoyed too , because I don 't know where this was coming from . He wasn 't hungry , he hadn 't fallen down , yet he was getting moody and accusing me of stuff I wasn 't doing , like " yelling " at him , getting angry at him , and the final straw : - when we finally got onto the chairlift ( the lineup was long ) he changed his mind at the last second the position we would take on the chair , which led to much hurried shifting and scuffling . I chastised him then , telling him he couldn 't change his mind at the last minute like that . As we were seated , he accused me of kicking him . Kicking him ? ! What ? ! Why would I do that ? That was it , I lost my temper . You know that moment when the word are coming out of your mouth , and you 're hearing yourself say them , but it 's like you 're having an out - of - body experience ? One part of you is ranting , while the other part is saying , " Shut up ! Shut up now ! What are you saying ? " It was like that . I started saying that I was tired of his attitude , I didn 't want to hear it anymore , I didn 't want to be around him anymore ( yikes , I know ) and that he would go straight to the chalet to get out of his ski stuff and wait until we were finished skiing . He was done . But then we went back to meet the others to decide on the next run , and he apparently fell over . While we were standing still . I didn 't see it , but I did see him freak out on his skis , and he started to hit them with his poles . I told him to stop , and he said he was done . I think he was tired , which was fine , because his cousin M was tired too . I know he doesn 't hate me really , it 's just his desire to be fixed and fast . I tried to explain that these things take time . Even medicine for an ear infection doesn 't work instantly . I told him he has a mental illness , he 's sick , and we will make him well again we just need to find the cure . I 'm sick right now . I came downstairs feeling so overwhelmed that I didn 't even want to try to deal with it . Now my muscles are just shaking and my stomach is upset as it gets when I 'm extremely stressed . The title of this post isn 't just for L . I feel it too . What if we can 't find help for him in time ? What kind of mother am I to let my son continue to be in such pain each and every day ? What if we run out of money long before we can even get close to " curing " him ? I 'm feeling so desperate right now , but helpless at the same time . Right now , I get how L is feeling . I so get it . I get the anger , the frustration , the wanting to hide under a blanket , squeeze something hard , hit something or scream at the top of my lungs . Because I want to do that . I want to sob my heart out . I 'm not sure what her qualifications were , other than that she deals with kids and behaviours all the time . It was and it wasn 't what I expected . I assume that she had some background from speaking with DH over the phone , but she didn 't really ask me too many questions . Granted , I was busy at the time , going up and down the stairs to make sure things were cool with the daycare kids , and trying to entertain the youngest one at the same time . L was happy in the morning , and didn 't give me a hard time about anything like taking vitamins , brushing teeth or getting dressed . Of course , he knew he didn 't have to go to school that morning , although he was told he would be going to school after . Perhaps he didn 't really believe me , or maybe he was just hoping that I would change my mind and decide it was too much work to truck everybody to the school and back for the second time that morning . Anyway , when the worker arrived , she sat with L on the couch and asked him various questions like , what does he like to do ? Does he like school ? Does he have friends ? etc . . . She led the questions to asking about how he was at bedtime and stuff . She indicated some things that we could do to make life a little less stressful . Like , she mentioned friends . Now , L told her that he only has two friends . One boy , his BFF at school , and another boy that used to come to the daycare here and doesn 't go to his school , but we still see because his younger brother comes to my daycare . It 's not entirely true though , because he has other friends . One boy that we just went skiing with on the weekend . They don 't play a lot outside of school , but I 'd say at least once a month or so . He has another friend in another class that he 's always liked , and once in awhile plays with him . He has playdates every week for sure with one kid or another , usually he 's playing with a friend at least two school nights a week . So the crisis lady thinks he 's a loner . But he 's not , not really . It 's L perception that he has no friends , but to me I see him with friends all the time . She said that we should arrange more " playdates " with more friends so that he has relationships outside of school . And yes , I can see her point , but it 's not like he is always at home alone . We just never tend to have friends over on the weekend because we 're busy , we like our family time , and I guess it 's me too , I 'm selfish . I like my peace and quiet and I have other peoples ' kids here all week long . But for Logan 's sake , I will make more of an effort to help him connect with friends more . One friend in particular , who I think he 's grown apart from due to the fact that they don 't play outside school anymore because his mother got a new job . I will have to contact his mother and arrange something . Literally as soon as she left and I said it 's time to go to school , he had a fit . First , he broke his airplane that he had made and stuffed it into the garbage . I know he 'll be upset with himself about that later . Next , he sat on the floor and refused to move . No matter what I said , he kept saying he didn 't care , and that I didn 't care about him , blah , blah , blah . Now , I don 't doubt that he was feeling anxious and stressed about returning to school after having almost a week off , but he was just plain acting like a two year old . And again , I 'm now never sure if he 's acting out to try to get away with it and because it is getting him attention , or if he 's really unable to help this behaviour . Maybe his mind is freezing and he can 't cope . I don 't know . But today , today I just didn 't have as much patience . I NEEDED him to go to school . In the end , I barely restrained myself from shouting at him . Just barely . I told him very firmly that I was trying my best to be patient and caring , but he had better get his butt in gear and put his coat and boots on , because he WAS going to school ! I also threatened him with not going skiing Friday and dropping him off at school instead while I took R with me . That was a mistake , I regret saying that , but sometimes I feel like I have no leverage . How many times can I say , " I 'm taking your iPod away then " ? It gets monotonous , and at some point , he 's just going to say fine , take it . I really shouldn 't be threatening him with the thing he hates most , I 'm probably really hurting things here by doing that . School is supposed to be a safe , happy place , not a threat . It 's not jail . And here 's where I say that I 'm the stupid idiot now . Why do I let my temper do the talking ? I 'm at least happy with myself that I didn 't resort to shouting . I am glad for that . And believe me , that is an improvement I 'm ashamed to say . So he got dressed , faster than the rest of us and took off out the door . I had to shout ( ok , yes , then I did shout , but mostly because he was some distance away , like a couple of houses plus his hearing right now is impaired a bit ) for him to stop and wait . While he could walk to school alone , I A ) don 't trust him to go there and not stop on the way , B ) am afraid he 'll carry out his threat to run away and C ) he has to be signed in at the office anyway . So Sunday night / early Monday morning had L screaming in pain . Literally . It was his ears . At about 7 DH took him to the ER to get checked out . I have to admit that I was very worried , and not about his diagnosis , because L has always had problems with his ears . But I was very worried that he was screaming when he really wasn 't in THAT much pain . I was afraid that they 'd come back home and DH would tell me the doc said that there wasn 't much redness in there or something . I was very worried that it would all turn out to be in his head . Thankfully ( I guess in a weird sort of way ) it wasn 't . His screaming was actually warranted . Not that I 'm happy about this , but he actually had a double ear infection , with one eardrum perforated , the other about to be . Yikes . So he spent most of Monday sleeping . He was very tired and worn out poor guy . So today is another story . I don 't want him to miss so much school , as its becoming ever harder for him to go back . But he was still in pain this morning , and worried that I 'd get a call during the day to pick him up , I kept him home . I did go in to the school in the morning , had a quick chat with his teacher and picked up a bit of homework . But I fear every day spent home is another step deeper into his anxiety cesspool ( for lack of a better term ) . He worried Sunday night ( before the ear pain hit ) about going back to school the next day . He has this idea that everyone at school hates him . His mind has created this idea , and everyday away from school it gets worse , I think , because he 's not seeing proof otherwise . It 's very real to him , and I can 't contradict him . I wish he would believe me when I say it 's just not true , but why would he ? His mind tells him it 's real , and I 'm not there during the day , so how would I know ? I can only imagine how scary it must feel to know you have to go to a place for the day where you believe you are hated . The thought makes me sick . This morning he was fine with the fact that I told him we would be doing work . He understood the necessity . But once I told him it was time to get down to business it started with A ) a bit of a tantrum ( as in , refusal , saying no , crossing his arms , stating he didn 't want to ) then moved on to B ) the anger stage . He stated again , he hates his life , he has a terrible life , no one cares about him , he hates his family ( yeah , that hurt a little but I 'm trying not to take it to heart ) and everyone hates him at school . When I questioned why he hated us , he said we 're mean to him . I asked how he felt we were mean , and after some prompting , he said we call him names . I was surprised , as I try my best to NEVER call him any sort of name now , not even " silly " , like I might say to the other kids ( " You 're so silly ! " ) He is just too sensitive , and I thought that DH was aware of this too , I know he is . R , on the other hand , not so much . They tease each other as brothers do , but most brothers don 't have one of the parties holding a grudge against the other for YEARS ! ! L holds onto things forever . If you ever think he isn 't listening , he is , and he 'll remember what you said long past when you will . So he wouldn 't tell me what we said . He kept saying that I should figure it out for myself . I told him I couldn 't , I can 't read his mind , and if I knew , I wouldn 't be asking . I told him to write it down if he didn 't want to say , so he did . It said " idiot , dumb , bad sport , spoiled brat ( yes , I may have been guilty of that one , but honestly , not within the past two years ! ) sore loser and loser . " I 'm pretty sure no one has called him a loser here , but I guess maybe someone , meaning R , may have a LONG time ago . That 's a big no - no , but it 's in the past now . Eventually , he started on his homework , but in a sour mood , in his " shut - down " mode , which basically means he glares at me like I 'm the anti - Christ and stops speaking . I went back to the neglected children downstairs , and came back to him about 20 minutes later . He had written basically nothing . He was wandering around the main floor level . He said to me he was stupid , because he hadn 't done anything . I didn 't refute the stupid comment , because I 've learned that it does nothing . I ignored it . I don 't know if that 's the right thing to do , because I hope he doesn 't take my non - opposition to his comments as acceptance and therefore confirmation of these negative thoughts . Anyhow , instead I suggested that he bring the homework downstairs so we could sit on the couch together and work on it . I said I 'd keep him on track , and I couldn 't stay upstairs with him . I 'd ignored the babies enough for one day . The rest of the day went by ok . I got him to do his math without too much trouble , even though he was in his room " inventing " . He came to school with me and went home from there with his BFF , who is finally back from Florida . The evening was strange . I 'm starting to think he 's manic almost . He was happy , and listening , and even went to bed without tears . He was laughing and joking with DH . Of course , we did tell him that he was going to school late , as a counsellor from the local children 's mental health place is coming to our house in the morning to talk with him . Not sure if its the fact that he gets ANOTHER morning off , or if its the fact that someone is coming to talk to him . Is enough to make you think , " Oh , he 's ok now , " but of course I know it will be short - lived . It 's a relief for the evening , but at the same time , I 'm just sitting here wondering when the next " episode " will be . It 's so stressful . Tonight L wrote us a note . He 's getting good at writing these little notes . I was remembering when he hated writing , and I couldn 't get him to write anything ever . I have a few notes from the past saved in my night stand : a letter to Santa , a note pleading with us for a bird ( as a pet ) , a small booklet simply written with the words , Mommy , I love you . Now , the notes are often saying , I hate my life , I want to die , I 'm going to run away , I want a new life . Today , I took L skiing . I wanted the whole family to go , but R had too much homework to finish , and L said he wanted it to be just me and him . So , we went . We actually met up with a friend there , a good friend of mine and her son who is in L 's class . They had a good time skiing a few runs together . Nothing went wrong , thank god , like L or I falling , aside from one chairlift entry being a bit rough and L banging his head back against the seat as a consequence . After about an hour and a half , I suggested a break , and promised L a beaver tail . He was also thirsty . So we bought the pastry , went inside to the cafeteria , and upon sitting down , L was disappointed to see that the apple and cinnamon one he requested was topped with what looked to be apple pie filling . At this point , he went into one of his funks . Totally , over the top reaction , complete with breath - holding ( this is anew one ! ) , head down , fists clenched , and refusal to answer my question of would he like me to get something else to eat ( it was dinner time and I was going to get some fries ) . After I stated that he 'd get nothing if he didn 't speak up , he said he wanted a drink . Once we got home , I think reality crashed in again . He realized that the dreaded school was now only a night 's sleep away , and so he had a few tantrums before bed . He refused to take a bath , but then about a half hour later he was happily playing in the bath . When I went to check on him , he had a smile on his face . He told me he was going to write me a note . Since he was smiling , I naively thought it might be a happy note , perhaps one telling me he had a good time with me today . Alas , it said something to the effect of " Dear mommy , I 'm sorry that I keep telling you my feelings but I hate school and I want a new life so I 'm just warning you that next time I get mad I 'm going to run away . You probably think I 'm stupid and I am . I HATE MY LIFE ! ! " So I thought , talking isn 't getting through , perhaps I 'll write a note too . Sometimes that makes things more real when they 're written down , doesn 't it ? I wrote back about how I don 't care how many times he tells me his feelings , he can keep telling me , that I love him so much and that I 'd be very sad if he ran away . I wrote that I 'd rather hear how he hates school a million times over rather than have him go away . I also wrote that I thought he was brave to tell me his feelings , and lastly , that I had fun with him tonight . I 'm nervous for tomorrow morning . It 's going to be hell . I just wish DH could be home to help me out . I think I 'm going to wake L at 7 instead of waiting until 7 : 30 . Maybe the extra time will help . And I 'm worried about his threat to run away . I 'm going to call the principal again in the morning , and tell him this . I 'm worried he would try it at school . What if he takes off at recess ? Not all the kids are supervised 100 % of the time . And there are no gates on the fences . They could just leave , easily . Not much happened around here . L was ok , the boys mostly played their iPods , watched tv and later played outside . We even had to make a trip to the school anyway to pick up a daycare kid , and they all played outside together ok without incident . The first half of the day went by normally . We took it easy in the morning , R and DH went to R 's ballhockey game ( and R scored his first goal in a long time ! YAY ! ) and I even got L to do a page of spelling homework without too much fuss . And in not too much fuss I mean there was complaining and whining , but I didn 't have to threaten him or nag him over and over again , so I consider that a win . After homework time , the two boys went outside to play in their fort . They were outside for at least an hour , and then R came in crying . He said the L hit him with this thing we call a snow rake , which is a wooden pole with an orange solid foam end to it used for cleaning off the top of your car and whatnot . I asked him if it was an accident , and R said he wasn 't sure , which pretty much means that it likely was an accident . When I questioned him more , he said that he got angry ( R did ) , called L stupid ( a HUGE NO - NO ! ! ) and came inside . I think he said that L did try to call out an apology . After that , I went outside to look for L . I was worried that he would take off , because I knew this would upset him . At first , I couldn 't see him , and I was starting to get that panicky feeling , but then I followed some footprints in the snow and found him around the side of the house lying reclined in the snowy window well . I asked him to come in , to which he shouted at me , " NO ! " and so I came inside . About five minutes later , I told R to go outside to apologize for calling him stupid and to ask him to come in . He didn 't come in then either , but did about five more minutes later . At this point , L came into the family room and wouldn 't talk to either his dad or I when asked if he was cold , or if he 'd like a hot chocolate , normal sort of questions . I was trying to pretend not to notice that he wasn 't speaking , hoping ( vainly ) that it would snap him out of it . But he wouldn 't speak and just went upstairs . At this point , I turned to DH and said that I wish I knew what to do . If this were a normal situation , I would be yelling at him not to be so rude and to ignore someone when they asked you a question . I 'm used to this sort of behaviour , when he 's upset with ME . But this not talking business when he 's mad at someone else , this is new . I don 't understand it . What did I do ? I didn 't tell him off , I didn 't get mad at him , I didn 't make him do something he didn 't want to do . I don 't get why he shuts down and gives us dirty looks when other things upset him . So despite maybe what I should have done ( honestly , I really don 't know what to do in this situation ) I went upstairs to find him . I asked him why he wasn 't talking to me , and what did I do . He pulled away , tried to walk away , but I persisted . I followed him into his room , and he pulled the blanket off the bed and covered his head with it . I didn 't try to take it off , I let him have the separation . At first , he kept saying he was stupid , he didn 't know why he did these things , he 's an idiot . I asked him if he did it on purpose , and he said no , so I tried to explain that it was an accident , and that maybe R was upset at first but he 's fine now and it doesn 't matter anymore . He said he felt guilty . I asked if he meant sorry , and he said no . I am not sure he entirely understands guilt , I don 't think even some adults do , since moms will say they feel guilty for leaving their children while they go to work . It 's a misunderstood emotion , I think . I tried to echo back his feeling , asking him if he felt badly for what happened , and saying then that maybe he felt sorry . He was still hiding at this point . Somehow , the conversation turned to what his idea of a good parent is . He said , i wasn 't a good parent because I wasn 't there when he needed me . I asked him when wasn 't I there . Now , he 's got a good memory for any time someone has " wronged " him . He can remember stuff that happened years ago . He said I wasn 't there for him when he got hurt outside one time , to which I didn 't respond but asked if there were other times . He said yes , one time when he slipped in his room and got hurt and apparently DH and I were downstairs watching tv . He said when he came down , daddy said , " You 'll be fine . " I didn 't point out , even though I was thinking it , that well , he is fine . When I prompted him , he also said that I wasn 't there for him when he got cut at a friend 's house with a pocketknife . To this , i asked him how he expected me to be there for him when he was at another person 's house . He didn 't really have a response . He was coming around at this point , not crying anymore . I did say that I was sorry that I wasn 't there for him before , and that I would always try to be there for him if possible . I emphasize that I couldn 't always be there , and he did say that he didn 't expect me to go everywhere with him . And that was it . I asked him if he wanted to come down and watch a movie , and he said yes . The funk was over . Like someone flipped a light switch . It 's so weird . I forgot to write that when I first approached him upstairs , he was in the bathroom and when I asked him what was wrong , he said he was stupid , he didn 't know why he did what he did ( as I wrote above ) and then he started to bang his head rather hard on the bathroom countertop . Then during the conversation in the bedroom , he also kept saying , as he often does now , that he wants a different life . He said , " people think I 'm lucky , but I 'm not . They 're the lucky ones " . I suppose he means that they are because they don 't have to deal with these oppressive feelings all the time . And I suppose they are . I look at other parents myself and think , " They 're so lucky their kids are happy and normal . " I even think back to a year or two ago , and remember how he was then and think that I wish we could have that back . Posted by Today was an off day . Off from school , I mean . Last night , as I described yesterday , didn 't go too well . L kept waking from his cough , and every time he woke , he 'd be upset all over again about , well , whatever he gets upset about . School , mostly . Finally around 12 : 00 or so , I couldn 't take it anymore . I told him that he wouldn 't have to go to school for the rest of the week . Immediately , I could sense his relief and he settled into sleep for the rest of the night despite his cough . Turns out , I probably would have kept him home anyway . So he 's definitely sick with a virus of some sort . When he woke this morning , he was kind of " barky " and said his throat / chest hurt when he coughed . He seemed tired too , and reportedly took a small nap in the morning . During the afternoon , I tried to get him to do some homework ( French and spelling ) and that was painful . I got him to the table finally , by threatening him with taking away his iPod , and he was still playing with a toy he 'd brought downstairs . I kept saying , " Ok , let 's get to this , I 'll help you , " but it 's like talking to a wall , or at least a child who doesn 't hear or who can 't understand English . He continued to ignore me , playing with this toy he had . I just don 't get it . He was never a great listener ( unlike his brother ) but , it 's getting worse and worse . Is it this depression ? The apathy ? Maybe it 's because he no longer cares about consequences . Or is it because I 've stopped yelling at him ? I 've changed my approach with him , because I hated all the yelling I was doing , and I 'm sure he did too . I just don 't know what to do to get him to listen . I was telling DH tonight that sometimes I will give him a logical choice , and he 'll make the right decision n his own . Which is good , but not always do - able . Like the other day , with school . How can I make him go , give him a choice there ? There ISN ' T a choice . Like , the homework today . We finally got the French done , and I asked him to start the spelling ( simple copying of a word list , not much thinking ) . He refused . Flat out . And I couldn 't stand around arguing , the babies were waking up , the older kids ' movie was done , I needed to go " to work " . So I took his toy and iPod , and already having made the promise of playing multi - player on Minecraft with him when he was finished , I told him he could choose not to do it , but he wouldn 't be getting the objects back until he had finished . Even if it took a week . I left , and when I came back upstairs about 20 mins later , he had completed the work and was ready to play with me . For most of the day , he seemed tired and not too energetic or happy . Of course , he 's sick , so it 's perfectly normal for him to act this way , but I can 't help keep wondering if this is the depression talking ( getting worse ) or just a normal childhood illness . I can catch a small glimpse this way of my sister 's world here . She constantly has to wonder if my niece is acting out like a normal six year old , or if its her tumour doing the acting out . Around eight , I got him to go to bed , today without tears , I suppose because he knows already that he 's staying home again tomorrow . But he awoke coughing not an hour and a half later , and I tried to get him to take some cold medication . Now , I know he was tired and half asleep , but he was " weird " again . At first he wouldn 't take the pills I offered . He doesn 't like taking medicine normally , so I asked if he 'd prefer the liquid . He said yes , and I returned the pills and got the liquid stuff prepared . When I arrived back in his bedroom , he started hitting himself in the forehead , which is something he does when he 's frustrated , anxious , angry , and / or annoyed with himself or schoolwork . But I didn 't get this . So I asked what he was doing and asked him to stop , at which point he turned away from me and hmphed and kicked his legs as if in irritation . I don 't get it . Why the switch ? What happened ? What did I do ? He was acting the way he does when he starts to shut down and refuse to talk or look at me . It 's two - year - old behaviour . And it makes me want to shout at him as I would a two - year - old , to stop this nonsense immediately or you 're going into time - out ! But he 's not two , he 's nine . And he 's hurting inside , which puts me on eggshells . At least he didn 't spiral into the non - speaking mode this time . I 'm thankful for that , but he refused to take the medicine , claiming he was too tired . So , again , I gave him the choice , stating that he could decide to take it , I wouldn 't force him , but if he decided not to , he would likely not sleep well and be coughing most of the night . Again , he made the right decision , and took it . I said goodnight , and left . I 'm hoping for some peaceful sleep tonight , for us all , and for a brighter morning , physically and emotionally . This afternoon started off with L coming out of school fairly happy . Fairly . At first , he still wasn 't talking to me , but after awhile , on the way home he opened up a bit and told me they had had a math test that day . He also had one half a page of math homework . That 's not so bad , but I was hoping for NO homework . As the afternoon / evening went on , we got along quite well . I had to drive R to ball hockey , but promised L that when we got back he could bake something of his own creation in his easy - bake oven . He really enjoyed that , and ate dinner while we bonded over his favourite game , Minecraft . He has been wanting me to install it on my iPad for some time , telling me how much fun it was . I wasn 't interested before , but since things have started to go downhill , I thought it might not hurt for me to take an active interest in something that he loves so much . So the evening went well , and only one point in the afternoon did he say to me that , " he has no friends at school " and that he just stands alone all recess . The other kids apparently play a lot of soccer , and he doesn 't like soccer . He 's told me that he has tried to play before , and got told that " he sucks " . Why are kids so cruel ? Tonight , though , became a different story . It 's like the act of going to bed creates a feeling of impending doom . Another night of lying in the dark with his lonely thoughts , another day of the dreaded school coming soon . And I get it . I 'm starting to dread bedtime myself now . Will it be another night of listening to him cry ? Will it be acting out ? Will it be the cold shoulder ? And then , there 's morning to come , which I hate most . Getting him up for school is horrible , making him go is worse . Tonight he went into bed ok , but once there started to say , " Oh no " and banging his head on the side of the bed . There were some expressions of , " I want a new brain " and , " I want to run away . " After a point , he just stopped speaking to me altogether and turned his back on me . I went to get ready for bed , and I returned to see if he was ok . I asked him if he wanted me I lie down with him , to which he didn 't reply , and instead got up , turned on the light , retrieved a notebook and wrote , " I 'm not talking to anyone " . I tried to ignore that and thought I 'd try to show him some love and support , but when I laid beside him , he got up and left the room to go curl up on the chair in the spare room . This is the behaviour I don 't know how to handle . The ECE and mother in me tells me that he 's doing it to act out , for attention , and to not stand for it . " Send him right back to bed ! " my inner voice says . " This isn 't acceptable , you can 't let him away with it ! " But now , I don 't know what to do . I don 't want to get angry at him if it 's the depression talking here . That won 't help him feel loved , will it ? So I said to him , I 'm here for him , he can tell me anything , no matter what , and that I was very tired and going to bed , but if he needed me , he knew where I was . At that , I turned off the light and left the room . A minute later , I heard him get up and go back to his room . Now , I 'm thinking maybe I followed the advice of the childhood depression websites , but I 'm not sure if I did , or did it right . Am I doing the right thing ? What if that was some sort of test , to see if the rules still apply ? In that case , I FAILED ! If it was for attention , then I failed that test too . I gave him attention with a loving tone , and perhaps next time the behaviour will be worse . I 've never second - guessed myself so much as I do these days . I 'm afraid of f $ & king up and making things worse . I 'm afraid of all the things I did wrong before , of inadvertently doing them again . L has been struggling lately . Like , a lot . I 'm now sure that he suffers from depression and anxiety , and it 's breaking my heart . The reason I hope to be able to write more often is twofold : Two , I hope that it may help someone else . Reading about another 's journey with something difficult can always be helpful , especially for parents . We need to know that we 're not alone . I am putting this out there , making it public because mental illness isn 't something to hide . I didn 't want to think or accept at first that my son could be mentally ill . And with kids , it 's so overlooked . It 's brushed off as bad behaviour , bad moods , or something they 'll " grow out of . " I 'll back up a bit , to a few weeks ago . L , as usual , was fighting with me about homework . He hates it , it stresses him out ( even though he can easily do it , it 's not an understanding - the - work thing ) and I really have to push him to do it . He had a blow up , right before dinner , and ran to his room . When I went to seek him out about 10 minutes later , he had written a note and was about to tape it to his door . It said that he felt like a terrible person . That he should die . That basically , he felt worthless and didn 't deserve to live . God , I still can 't think of this note without crying . I understand those feelings . I 've felt them myself . Mostly as a teen , but I DO remember that feeling . It 's awful . We spent the rest of the night crying , cuddling , and talking a bit . It came out that he had had an altercation with another child in his class . One who apparently called him " a bad friend " ( and isn 't actually his friend at all ) and who went to all of L 's friends to ask them why they were friends with him and that they shouldn 't be friends with him . I can certainly understand why this would be upsetting . To a child whose self - esteem is already low , who struggles with friendships at school , this was devastating . Even though his BFF told the other kid to basically take a hike , L didn 't hear that , or didn 't want to . He just heard the negative . Since then , we 've had good days and bad day . But Sundays are when the shit hits the fan and L starts to become despondent as the evening wears on . It means Monday is coming , and the start of a whole other week of torture and misery for him . He cries himself to sleep those nights , worried and anxious about the next week at school . Now , this week has been the worst one yet . Sunday night - he cried himself to sleep . Monday morning - he went to school with a stomachache . I told him to call me if it got worse . Around one , I had to retrieve him from school . Tuesday - he stayed home from school , we did some homework together after lunch , and his stomach didn 't seem to be bothering him much . Tuesday evening , he got upset again . Right before dinner he retreated to his room and wouldn 't tell me what he was upset about . I still don 't know what set him off now . Tuesday night - he cried himself to sleep again with words of " I don 't want to live this life anymore , I can 't live my life like this , I want a new life , no one understands me , no one can help me , I don 't have any friends at school , everyone thinks I 'm an idiot because I was crying . . . " I should mention that his BFF is on vacation this week . I 'm thinking this a part of the additional stress he 's experiencing . I myself , am feeling depressed now . I feel terrible for him . My mind starts to race with all the things I 've ever done wrong , and I try desperately to shut that down . The past is the past , and I must not make those mistakes again . Through some reading a bit on the Web , I 've learned a little better how to listen to L . I think it has helped somewhat and I don 't seem to have to try as hard to get him to open up to me . This morning though , was the worst . I really didn 't know what to do . I still don 't know if I did the right thing . I woke him up , and got his clothes out , as usual . Instead of pestering him constantly to get up and get dressed as usual , I just left him to it . I couldn 't do the fight thing this morning . I just couldn 't . So I left him , until about 8 : 25 when I said we were leaving in about five minutes for school . He did get dressed and come downstairs , but went back up when I asked him to brush his teeth . He hadn 't even had breakfast yet . But time was running out . Five minutes later , I went to see where he was , and he was in the spare room just sitting there . He wouldn 't talk to me , wouldn 't look at me , wouldn 't let me touch him . He also wouldn 't get up to come get his coat on for school . I told him I was going to call his dad , and I really was , because I was at my wit 's end . I didn 't want to start yelling at him , or threatening him this morning , I really didn 't want the fight . So I didn 't . He came down then , and got ready and walked to school , but he didn 't talk to me , didn 't acknowledge my presence , didn 't say goodbye at school . DH and I talked again to our family doctor on the weekend . L has another appt with the pediatrician at the end of Feb , and we are looking for a psychologist . I 've contacted one , but she 's a bit out of town , so if we can find one in town that would be better . I 'm waiting for a response to a voicemail I left with another . I hope she calls back soon . It feels more and more urgent to me . Like a clock is winding down . To hear my boy cry at night , and tell me these feelings , it 's so hard . I just want to make it go away , like any parent wants their child 's pain to go away magically . I 'm so scared now that he 's going to give up , that he 's going to hurt himself . We 're not quite there yet , but with how fast things seem to have escalated lately , I 'm very scared that the breaking point could be sooner than I think . Posted by I 'm a working - stay - at - home mom of two boys ; R - 11 and L - 9 . I run a home daycare and most days I love it ! I 've been married for 12 years now , although we 've been living together for 17 years . Most days I feel like I 'm going a little bit insane , but I have a few moments of lucidity , or " clarity " ! : ) |
Mom finally put up a tree and my stocking and a wreath on the front door . There 's a bad picture of the tree on Kitty Limericks . I like the lights . After they had been on for a little while , I got up on my platform to admire them . We did have steak tonight . I got a couple of licks of sour cream and some steak juice and several bites of steak . I was nice and turned away from the last piece Mom offered me without licking it first , so Mom could eat it . That was my Christmas present to her . Mom is deserting me tomorrow and won 't be back until Christmas day . Let 's have a house trashing party while she is gone . She is going to make me wait until she gets back to empty my stocking and open my presents , so let 's do it before she gets home . I have lots of toys to play with and there is turkey all sliced up in the freezer . We could dig it out and let it thaw and feast . There are lots of fleecy blankets around to sleep on and even a couple of cat beds . Let 's party ! I have been up here a lot , looking out at the snow and napping on this great pillow . Right now I am admiring my two Christmas presents . I sniffed them all over earlier , but Mom was too slow with the camera to get a picture of that . Speaking of being too slow , Mom has been a really bad blogger again . Karen Jo : I know . I haven 't put up a tree since my Mom died . I will look out in the garage for the small one tomorrow . I could put all the Christmas cards on it for decorations . I will also put up your stocking . Karen Jo : You also have your two Christmas packages from your woofy cousins . You don 't need more toys , anyway . You have three plastic buckets full of them already . You might get some from your kitty cousins in Albuquerque , too . Karen Jo : Only for a day and a half . I will leave Christmas Eve morning and come back Christmas afternoon . And that 's only if the storm we are having now is over by then . We are certainly going to have a white Christmas this year . Karen Jo : I try to play with you , but you don 't want to play for very long at a time . You get plenty of petting when I am reading and when I go to bed . You also get brushed almost every day . Karen Jo : You got all the turkey you would eat while I was cutting it up , though . When I was done , I put the carcass in a plastic bag and put the bag on the kitchen floor while I went outside to take the lid off the garbage can . When I came back , you had your head in the bag . I waited until you were done with the carcass before I threw it away . Karen Jo : I was eating fried rice with vegetables and an orange . I let you smell it and you turned away . That was funny . You really meowed at the orange , until you got a good smell of it . You couldn 't back away fast enough then . I am having steak tomorrow night . You can have some of that . Yay ! I love steak and sour cream , though I don 't eat as much of it lately as I used to . Are you ever going to put up my Christmas cards ? Karen Jo : I can 't blame you for not wanting to get up . We are having a big storm today , with lots of snow . I didn 't go out at all , except to feed the birds and take out the trash . Mom finally found a small fresh turkey and cooked it yesterday . I stuffed myself when it was done . Mom kept offering me bites and I kept eating and eating . I ate so much turkey that Mom didn 't give me any cat food at my dinner time . Karen Jo : You couldn 't have possibly eaten any cat food after all the turkey you put away , so it would have just been wasted . You really do love your turkey . Every time I get it out , you meow and meow until I give you some . Karen Jo : Not for too much longer . I will have to cut it up and freeze it soon . Turkey goes bad fairly quickly if it isn 't frozen . Karen Jo : I saw you get all excited and jump up on your platform . There was a little calico kitty outside in the snow . She ran away when I approached her . I hope she got home all right . Not much else has been going on around here . Mom went to bed way early last night and I got lots and lots of petting . She was pretty boring today , just sitting at the kitchen table doing something . Karen Jo : I finally got going on my Christmas cards . I got them all ready to mail . Now I just have to get them to the post office . The storm is supposed to end tomorrow at noon and the sun is supposed to come out . I 'll go then . Karen Jo : I will get started on them soon . Copying photos from e - mail gives me a " not responding " error sometimes and that can be a pain . As soon as I can I will get them all up on your sidebar . I have just been brushed . That 's why my fur is sticking out a bit . I haven 't turned into electric cat again , but I am afraid that it is coming . I found this great sun puddle and plopped down in it for a while . Mom keeps fussing with my fur and pulling at it and threatening me with the little scissors . Karen Jo : I need to keep up with the little mats before they become big mats . I got one out of your chest fur today , but it took me three tries . You keep squirming away from me . Tomorrow I will go after the one on your foreleg . It beats me how you can get a mat in the short fur on your foreleg . Rats . If you eat any of it in front of me , you better be prepared for lots of begging . Not much else happened today . I curled up on the couch with Mom while she read after her chores were done . I love the way she pets me while she reads . She even put the book down and just petted me for a while . Then she found the mat on my foreleg and I left when she reached for the little scissors . I 'm just napping in my ham - mick again . I love my ham - mick , especially in the winter . Au was wondering just how big I really am . This ham - mick is 20 inches long and 13 1 / 2 inches wide . As you can see , I fill it up . Mom was acting really weird for a while . She was staying in bed , but getting up and down all the time . I couldn 't get really comfy with her . Karen Jo : I got pretty sick last Friday , going at both ends . I am all well again now , but it really wiped me out and I needed to rest up after I got better . It 's a good thing I did all that shopping last week . I haven 't needed to go out again yet . I did cook the turkey and the roast beef and Herman got his turkey bites and roast beef juice and some bites of that , too . The storm didn 't amount to all that much . We only got a few inches , but we needed it . We are still in a drought and need all the snow we can get this winter . I like the snow . It makes the birdies easier to see . I get up on my platform in the afternoon to watch them some days . They really splash around in the birdbath right after Mom puts in fresh water . I am playing with more of my toys . Last night Mom got out my flashy ball and I knocked it all around the living room . I am even playing with my Starlight Turbo Scratcher , which I haven 't done much of since it was new . Oh , I have been using the scratcher part , but ignoring the ball , until a few days ago . I also knock around my crinkle ball and my regular balls and even a mousie or two . I gave up on that one . I can 't catch it or bite it , so why should I chase it ? Mom thinks I might be getting interested in her lap . Karen Jo : I do . You get up on the couch to read with me and put your paws or your head on my thigh . The lap is only a step away . I put you up on my lap the other day because you kept pawing at my knee . You even stayed for a minute . Your lap is lumpy . I prefer the couch . The bed is even better . Boy , did I get a lot of petting time while Mom was sick ! It would have been perfect , if it weren 't for all the getting up and down . I would just get all comfy and blissed out , then Mom would get out of bed again . I was giving Mom my " Please give me a treat " face just before she took the photo . I looked down just as she pushed the button . I did get my treat , though . I have just about finished off my Duck and Pea and there is no sign of any more coming . Sigh . At least I still get my Medley and Stinky Goodness three times a day . Mom got up early to go to the store to get the groceries that she would need for the next few days . We are supposed to get a big snow storm starting any time now , but it hasn 't started yet . Karen Jo : If I had known that the storm was going to hold off this long , I wouldn 't have gotten up . When I got up , it looked like it was going to start snowing any minute and there were tiny flakes in the air as I walked to the store . Then at noon we actually got sunshine for a little while . Karen Jo : It is certainly cold enough for a big snow storm . The birdbath was frozen solid . I couldn 't get the ice out to put in water , so I just poured some water on top of the ice . Hopefully , that will melt enough ice to get it out of the birdbath , so I can fill it with water . The birds are really going after the suet , so I put out a new cake today . Karen Jo : You are getting little mats in your chest fur again . I am trying to work them out with my fingers . I don 't want to try to cut them out because you have a thin fat layer and loose skin right where the mats are . I am afraid that I might cut or pinch your skin . At least you are enjoying your brushing again and don 't run from me any more . Karen Jo : It 's not that bad . I need it to thin out your chest fur so you get to keep it for the winter . Remember how cold you got last winter because you had to have your chest shaved for mats ? Karen Jo : Don 't worry . I will save some out for treats for you . Tomorrow I will cook the roast beef . Then I will have lots of food to see us through the storm . I will let you lick up the beef juice after I carve it . I am getting a lot of use out of my ham - mick these days . I can 't believe that Mom forgot to include all of our blogging friends in the things that we are thankful for . I don 't know what she was thinking . Karen Jo : I wasn 't thinking very much . My brain was still full of how much I was missing Emma . Your fur is growing back nicely , Herman . It even looks a little wavy . Just in time , too . It 's getting cold around here . Mom left the door open and the screen door closed and I went up to the screen door to check things out . I soon retreated because the air coming in was so cold . I don 't know how Mom goes out in it in just her shirtsleeves . Karen Jo : I am only out long enough to feed the birds and change the water in the birdbath . It 's not too bad as long as the sun is shining . You have been pretty cuddly lately . When I sit on the couch to read , you often come up on the couch and sit beside me . You have even put your head on my thigh . Are you turning into a lap cat ? You wish . I do like to be near you and get petted , though . I like to play with you again , too . I am playing with almost all of my toys , even some of the wand toys . I even played with Da Bird for a little while . Karen Jo : That surprised me a little . You hardly ever payed any attention to it before Emma came . I am glad that you are playing with me and even chasing your balls around and running down the hall . You jumped up on the sink for a drink of tap water a couple of times , too . I was afraid that you would turn into a lounge cat and lose the muscle tone that you built up playing with Emma . Karen Jo : I know . I am reluctant to buy any more . You didn 't lose any weight last month . You didn 't gain any , either . I am thinking about not giving you any more Duck and Pea until you lose the rest of the weight you need to lose . Karen Jo : I tried to buy us a turkey yesterday , Herman , but all they had were really big ones . I will wait until I can buy one of the smaller fresh turkeys again , then you will get some turkey . As for cutting down on your buffet , you have to lose some weight . I want you to stay healthy . From what I have read about FeLV , if you make it through your fourth year , and you are halfway there , you stand a good chance of living a normal lifespan . I don 't want anything to compromise that . Karen Jo : These china quail mean Thanksgiving at my house . My mother always used them for table decorations . I am thankful for many things - - my home , my family and Herman , mainly . I am also thankful that I got to share in Emma 's joy of living for eight and a half months . What are you thankful for , Herman ? I am thankful for this nice sunspot on your bed . I am also thankful for my forever home and my Mom who does so much for me . I am thankful that I got to know and play with Emma for a few months , even though I wasn 't always nice to her . Happy Thanksgiving , everyone ! I am sitting my my toy baskets , trying to decide whether I want to play with what Mom has gotten out for me today , or pick one out for myself . I went with Mom 's choices , though I didn 't play with all of them . Mean Mom deserted me for most of the day . Karen Jo : I left the house for my teeth cleaning appointment a little after ten and didn 't get back until a quarter to one . At one my friend called and wanted me to go with her to visit her mother in the nursing home in twenty minutes . I didn 't get back from that until three - thirty . I did try to play with you after I fed you on my return , Herman , but you didn 't want to . I invited you to share my easy chair while I read after I did my chores , but you only wanted the chair . I moved to the couch and you took my warm spot on the chair . I tried to play with you again after supper , but you weren 't much interested . At least you joined me at bedtime last night . About midnight last night I jumped up on the bed and stared at Mom the way I do when I think it 's bedtime . She actually put on her PJs and came to bed . We snuggled all night . I got a lot of petting . Karen Jo : I was so glad that you wanted to come to bed with me again that I petted you until I fell asleep . We stayed that way until dawn , when I had to get up to use the human litter box and I fed you . I was so happy that you came back to bed after you ate . I really missed you those two nights you didn 't come to bed . I think we were both missing Emma quite a bit today . I found Herman in her room twice , lying between the litter box and the spot where Emma passed away . Herman used to only go into Emma 's room to use the litter box or play with Emma . Karen Jo : That 's right . I am going to my brother 's house Thanksgiving morning and coming back on Friday . Don 't worry , the same nice lady is going to come in and feed you and give you fresh water . Karen Jo : I will ask for some turkey to bring home . If it all disappears , then I will cook a turkey just for us soon . How 's that ? I am up on my big pillow in front of the window , washing my face . This is a spot that Emma and I shared . Sometimes I would get up here and sometimes Emma would . Mom finds it interesting that I got up on the couch that Emma preferred yesterday , even though I had not been up on that couch since Emma moved in with us . Karen Jo : You seem to be moving back and forth between spots that Emma used and spots , like your bed by the heat vent , that she never went . You also used Emma 's litter box almost exclusively yesterday . I wonder if her smell lingering in these places comforts you . I cleaned and put new litter in both boxes today , as it was long overdue . I hope that didn 't upset you . Heck , no ! It was high time that you put new litter in the boxes . You took the food and water out of Emma 's room , but you refilled both litter boxes . Why ? Hey , kitties , you will never guess what has showed up on my buffet ! I have kitten food again and I got a treat of baby food yesterday and today . I was feeling too sad to eat the baby food yesterday , but I cleaned it up today . Karen Jo : Don 't get too used to it . I decided to let you have the kitten food that was left in Emma 's bowl and to give you the baby food that I was going to try to tempt her to eat . When that is gone , you won 't be getting any more . Karen Jo : You didn 't show up to ask for any until I was on my last two bites of roast beef sandwich . You can have some roast beef tonight , if you want it . Speaking of not showing up , where have you been at bedtime the last two nights ? Karen Jo : Yesterday morning I thought you just wanted petting and didn 't get why you kept putting your paw on my face . This morning it finally dawned on me that you wanted early breakfast . You haven 't asked for early breakfast in a very long time . Well , I want it now . You should be glad that I am waiting until just before dawn instead of o ' dark - thirty . Why didn 't I get my lunch until just now ? I have been sleeping , so I guess it 's OK this time . I want you to be more punctual in the future . It 's not like you are all that busy . Karen Jo : I have had a busier day today than in a long time . I got up early to cancel Emma 's vet appointment , so they could get some other animal in her slot . I did my usual chores and cleaned the litter boxes . I played with you more than usual , as you have been more playful with me . I went to the grocery store . I finally applied for my Social Security , which I should have done weeks ago . That trip to the allergist has really paid off . The new medication has made me feel better than I have in months . I actually have my energy back . Before today , just getting my daily chores done has been all I could do and I didn 't always finish all of them . It 's too bad that Emma didn 't live to see the new / old me . She would have enjoyed the extra play time . I am enjoying it . We played with the blue - mousie - on - a - string that Emma got for Christmas in July . I don 't usually play with wand toys , but maybe watching Emma have so much fun with them gave me ideas . Karen Jo : I want to thank all of you for purring so hard for Emma . It really means a whole lot to me . This is the most recent picture that I have of Emma that shows her and her personality well . She ran off to the Rainbow Bridge last night . It all happened so dang fast . Tuesday she was running and playing and being my lap cat and Saturday night she 's gone . I keep asking myself if I missed something , but I don 't think I did , really . She was a bit more subdued after the fight with Herman , but not much . She was a bit more leery of Herman , but I thought that quite normal . The vet checked her over very carefully and there was no sign of any injury . Wednesday , she hid all day . Thursday she was lethargic and I whisked her off to the vet , who found nothing . Friday she was weaker , but still jumped up in the easy chair to sleep on the fake sheepskin cushion . Saturday she seemed about the same during the day . She was moving around the room , though very slowly . I sat with her for over an hour starting about 4 : 00 . She was over by her bed , soaking up the heat from the heat vent and I went over and spent some time petting her . She made some funny little noises , like she was maybe in a little bit of pain , so I stopped petting her and went to the easy chair to read . After a bit , she walked over to lie beside the chair , where I could easily reach her and I started petting her again . I kept on petting her until I had to get up to go to the bathroom . When I got back , she was in her hidey - hole , too far back for me to reach her . I checked on her hourly , but she stayed in her hidey - hole until I found her in the litter box at 9 : 00 . She had gotten in and done her business , then hadn 't the strength to get out again . When I picked her up to put her on the floor , she was so limp that I think I knew , deep down , that she wouldn 't last the night . I got the syringe and gave her some baby food because I didn 't want to believe it . I petted her and talked to her , but she was very unresponsive . I left her and left the light on because I didn 't wantI slept very little last night . I wrote her a limerick , because I had to do something other than lie in bed and wonder if I could have done anything differently . I will be posting it a little later . She is still there on the floor of her room . This morning , I opened the door to her room and took Herman back to see her . He sniffed her paw for quite a while , then went around to his little hidey - hole under the sewing machine . He was attracted to her food , but kept looking back at Emma . Finally , he reached out and very gently touched her paw . Then he nibbled on her kitten food and left the room . In a little bit I will go out and find the shovel and see if the soil is frozen or if I can dig her a grave . There is a spot under the living room window just across from the bird feeder where I can bury her . If the soil is frozen , I will put her in the garage until tomorrow when I can contact the vet about having her cremated . Most people stop blogging for a while after losing a loved one , but I think I will be blogging more . I need to keep my mind occupied and it 's good to know that other kitties are having birthdays and gotcha days and house trashing parties . Goodbye , my dear sweet Emma . I will miss you so much . This is kind of dark , but you can see the contrast in my ruff , which wasn 't shaved and my lower chest , which was . I am growing fur back , but slowly . Mom hasn 't taken any pictures lately . Karen Jo : I promise to take new pictures of you , Herman . I am not going to take any pictures of Emma until she feels better . I hate to see her lying flat on the floor . The Emma update is that she is not doing too well . The good news is that she is still drinking and using the litter box . She does feel much more comfortable in her room with the door closed . She moves around the room and last night I even found her upon the fake sheepskin cushion in the easy chair . The bad news is that she isn 't eating . I bought some baby food today and she wouldn 't even lick a tiny bit off my finger . She just turned her face away from it . I am going to mix up a slurry of baby food and water and syringe some into her tonight . I syringed a little water into her today and it prompted her to drink more water on her own . So far she is hanging in there and she does have some body fat , but not much . I know that I can only syringe one ml of the diluted baby food into her at once , but does anyone know how many times a day I should do it to keep her going ? Now that I can 't play with Emma , I am playing with my toys again . Mom and I played for a long time this evening . Mom plays with me whenever I want now . She gives me good stuff to eat , too . I have gotten chicken , steak and roast beef in the last couple of days . I am getting more treats than usual , too . Karen Jo : You weren 't so peaceful a couple of days later . I was standing at the kitchen table reading my mail and giving Emma a pet or two , with you sitting in my chair looking on . I then went to my room and shortly thereafter head kitty fighting noises . There you and Emma were on the kitchen floor kicking each other like crazy . Your first real fight . Are you really that jealous of her ? Karen Jo : You did let her go , but whether or not you hurt her remains to be seen . I checked Herman over for wounds immediately and didn 't find any . Emma hid for three hours and I checked her for wounds as soon as she came out of hiding and didn 't find any on her . Emma then sat in my lap and Herman came into my room to see what was going on . He got up in the computer chair and after a little while raised his paw , as if to swat at Emma . Emma growled and I said , " Don 't you dare ! " and Herman put his paw down . The next day it looked as if everything were back to normal . Karen Jo : I have been feeling too tired to blog . It looks like I have developed asthma . I am now on a medication for it and I am feeling a bit better . I will be back to regular blogging . Karen Jo : I didn 't forget it completely . I knew it was coming up , but I didn 't check on the day until it was too late . I 'm sorry . Your Gotcha Day was the day I realized that I hadn 't seen Emma all day . I found her hiding under the couch and let her be . Thursday I discovered that she was very lethargic and was lucky enough to get her into the vet that afternoon . The good news is that her temperature , lungs and heart are all perfectly normal . The bad news is that she could have a hidden abscess caused by a claw puncture during the fight , though the vet says that she has never seen a case of that where the cat didn 't have a temperature . The really bad news is that her feline leukemia could have become active . The vet sent me home with the pink liquid antibiotic to give Emma twice a day for a few days to see if she improves . Today she is very weak . She doesn 't fight the antibiotic I squirt in her mouth , though she doesn 't seem to like it . When I got up this morning , I found her by the water bowl in the kitchen and she had peed on herself . This worries me very much because Herman never did that even when he was at his sickest . I cleaned her up and put her back , but she crawled under the kitchen table . I left her alone for a little while , but decided that she would be more comfortable in her room on the warm carpet than on the cold kitchen floor . Her food , water and litter box are all close at hand in there . I got her kitten food off the tall shelf and put it on the floor , then went and got her and put her near her food and water . Herman came in to see what was going on and immediately gorged himself on the kitten food . I let him . I went to make sure that I had an extra dish , so I could give her some Medley in her room and Herman followed me , both out and back in . Herman walked up to Emma and sniffed her all over , then bent over the top of her head . I thought he was going to give her a comforting lick , but he just sniffed , then raised his paw and took a swat at her . She dodged and scooted away from him . I immediately ePosted by We are both purring for peace . Emma and I made peace with each other . Though we still have the occasional spat , it is never anything serious We hope that all the people in the world can follow our example . We know it won 't be easy , but we purr and purr that it will happen . The Krasota Kastle Cats started the Occupy the Bed movement and we decided to join in . Here I am preventing Mom from making up the bed . This makes the point that we think the bed should belong to the kitties . Emma : Mom keeps a soft throw at the foot of the bed and I have claimed it as my own . It 's dark and makes it hard to see me . I nap here quite often . Karen Jo : Thank goodness that little trick of yours hasn 't started any spats , Emma . You both respect the first cat in the bed gets the petting rule and don 't get jealous ( usually ) unless I try to pet both of you . Sometimes ( rarely ) , neither of you comes to bed with me and I have to sleep all lonely . I got to go outside . Don 't worry , it was in the stroller . I am beginning to enjoy the stroller more . I didn 't start complaining until we were almost at the vet 's . Karen Jo : I just took you in for your monthly weighing . You weigh exactly the same as you did last time . I 'll take that as good . I don 't know how you recognize the vet 's before we go in , but your complaining goes up a notch as soon as the sign is really clearly visible . You take me there every month , of course I would recognize it . I had to really ramp up the complaining before you would take me home again . You just stood there talking and talking . Karen Jo : OK , you recognize the vet 's by the sign or whatever . Why don 't you stop complaining when we get close to home ? Surely you recognize home . Guess what ? Mom roasted a cross - rib beef roast and I liked it . The only beef I have liked before is steak and rib roast . Mom gave me little bits whenever she ate some herself . I really bugged her about it . I even jumped up on the table while she was eating , which is a big no - no . Karen Jo : You got your fuzzy butt coaxed off the table right quick , too . I am glad to see you jumping up so high again . You even jumped up to the sink for a drink of water the other day . Emma : I am totally all right again , all well . Herman and I play chase and boxing again just like we used to . Herman was really nice . When he realized I was almost myself again , he started to play with me gently . He jumped out at me and made me run , but didn 't chase me and didn 't try to swat me . He waited until the next day to start playing a little rougher . I have only run to my hidey - hole once since I got well and I didn 't stay long - - just until Herman went away again . I have also become a lap cat . I sit in Mom 's lap for at least a little while almost every day . Herman watches sometimes , but doesn 't try to do anything to make me get down . I don 't care if you sit in Mom 's lap . I don 't want to sit there . I think you get a bit more attention than you deserve , but I get attention , too . We hope that everyone has a very Happy Halloween . Mom decided not to put the Halloween collar on me again this year - - once was enough for her to learn how much I dislike it . It 's way too big for Emma , so we bring you Halloween Bear . We will be back tomorrow to tell you what 's been happening around here . More ' tocks shots . Mom put some new catnip on our scratchers and I am checking it out . I turned around just as Mom took the picture , which is why I am blurry . Karen Jo : Emma is feeling much better . She is no longer spending time in her hidey - holes and is coming into the living room again . Her eating and drinking and litter boxing have stayed normal the whole time , so I don 't know what it was , but it is possible that she had a tiny flare up of her feline leukemia . One of the most prominent symptoms is lethargy . Emma : I feel pretty normal now . I am not yet ready for much play time , but I am taking much more interest in looking out of the windows again and not sleeping all day long . I must say that Herman has been very kind to me . He hasn 't chased me once while I was feeling bad . I have been looking out for her . I sleep near , but not too near , her . Just now she is sleeping up on the big pillow on the table in the living room and I am in my bed , right next to the table . Karen Jo : Herman has been the playful one lately . We have played soccer and Da Bird and toss the mousie in the last few days . Herman sleeps with me at night , unless the coughing spells get too loud ; then he deserts me . Karen Jo : Hopefully it will get better soon . We are due for some cold weather starting today and I have an appointment with an allergist next month . I put off getting that appointment way too long . I should have done it last spring . Karen Jo : I am not stingy . You don 't follow me to my bedroom where I eat supper any more , so you don 't get any more bites after I leave the kitchen . You didn 't even notice that I had shrimp for lunch . It was cold , so I guess I didn 't smell it very well . Maybe tomorrow . I did enjoy the bites of steak and sour cream and chicken and roast beef I have been getting . Karen Jo : I have noticed . I have to push your head back in the house every time I open the door . I can take you for a ride in your stroller . We are a day late , darn it , but Happy Birthday , Derby , and here are my ' tocks . They are a bit blurry , but I never stay still when Mom is looking at my ' tocks . I am afraid that she is going to wipe them , which I hate . Karen Jo : I guess this could count as a ' tocks shot , too . Happy Birthday , Derby ! I am sorry it 's a day late . I chased the kitties around yesterday morning , getting ' tocks shots and got all ready to post , then I had a really bad allergy attack . I didn 't even get to the meeting I was supposed to attend . After getting very little sleep for the previous two nights , then having another bad attack , I was just wiped out . I was either coughing or couldn 't hold my eyes open . I fell asleep a little after seven and didn 't wake up again until after midnight , so I called it a day and went to bed . Karen Jo : As you can see from the bottom picture , Emma is not afraid of Herman . Wednesday , she spent the whole day asleep on her snuggle on her high shelf . She got down to eat dinner and retreated to her original hidey - hole , under the corner table in her room and spent the night there . Herman slept in her bed . I think he wanted to keep her company . Thursday , Emma spent most of the day on the kitchen chair with a cushion . After I got back from running some errands , she came into my room and plopped down on the floor . This is quite unusual for her . I picked her up and put her in my lap and she just settled down and let me pet her . This is also unusual . When she does stay in my lap , she usually turns round and round and pats everything and kneads a little bit before settling down . She stayed in my lap for over an hour and I only moved her because I had to use the human litter box . Last night she slept in my underwear drawer , which I keep open for her and Herman slept in bed with me . In the wee hours , Herman and I both woke up to Emma either having very lady - like dry heaves or coughing . That 's when I figured out that , although Emma probably stayed in her hidey - hole the first day because of Herman , Emma was really hiding out and being a sleepyhead because she wasn 't feeling all that good . That also explains why Emma hissed at Herman last night when he came up to her to give her a nose kiss . I was about to call the vet to make her an appointment this morning , when Emma came bounding down the hall for breakfast , just the same as ever . Now I think I will keep an eye on her for the week - end and see if she really is back to normal . If not , I can call the vet Monday . There were some questions about the jealousy between Herman and Emma . Herman always gets jealous and wants attention when I have visitors or am talking on the phone . He usually comes up to me and tugs on my pants leg , or puts his paws on my lap or meows at me to get my attention . This was the first time that he took it out on Emma . There is very little fighting over food . The only time it happens is when they both want to eat out of the same dish . They usually trade whaps on the head , then the interloper backs off . If I switch attention from one of them to the other the first one always gets jealous . I had thought that Herman had gotten over this , but he hasn 't . Petting both of them at the same time isn 't easy , as they are seldom that close together . If I am petting Emma and Herman comes up for some petting too , petting them both doesn 't stop Emma from swatting at Herman . Herman will sometimes tolerate my petting Emma , too , while I am petting him , but not often . Karen Jo : I am getting a little concerned about Emma . A few days ago I had a visit from my financial advisor . He and I sat around the table in the living room and talked . Herman seemed to get jealous , but instead of pulling at my pants leg with his claws like he usually does , he took it out on Emma . Emma was just lying on the couch , watching the visitor and me . Herman went and sat and stared at her , as he does when he wants to chase her . Emma wasn 't interested in playing chase . Herman took a swat at Emma and Emma swatted him back , then there were angry cat noises from both of them and a mad dash down the hall . Emma went to her most secure hidey - hole and stayed there for the rest of the day . She did come out to eat , then retreated to her high shelf in her room . Since then , other than coming out to eat and use the litter box , she is up on her high shelf or in her hidey - hole in her room , or in her secure hidey - hole in my room . I did see her lying on the kitchen floor last night , but it didn 't last long . She got up , ate a bit , then went back to her room . Has Herman terrorized her once too often , so that now she is scared to get near him ? Is there anything I can do about it ? I feel terrible that Emma is restricting herself to just a few spots in the house where she feels safe . I am petting her while she is up on her shelf to show her that I love her and she purrs up a storm . Would going and getting her for playtime in the living room help or make things worse ? Karen Jo : Yes , I am and I really apologize . My allergies have been very bad lately and it 's very hard to type and cough at the same time . I really will try to do better . Emma : I found a way to get Mom all to myself . I am becoming a lap cat . I sat on her lap for an hour the other day and it was bliss . I got petted the whole time and Herman couldn 't do anything about it . Hey , I 'm not always the bad guy here . She chased me down the hall just the other day . She smacks me on the head when I try to eat out of the same bowl that she is eating out of . The food has been great around here lately . Mom cooked chicken and gave me some and last night she had steak . I got four or five bites , plus sour cream . Mom even offered Emma a bite of steak , but she didn 't want it . Emma is weird . She even turned down a catnip treat a few days ago . Karen Jo : That 's because you like taking your Interferon and Emma doesn 't . You get plenty of treats for scratching on your scratchers . That 's all for tonight and I really do promise to blog more often . I am really sorry if I worried anyone with my absence . That 's me on the left and Emma on the right . Mom couldn 't believe her eyes when she saw both of us sharing the pillow in front of the window . She had never seen the two of us so close together before . She wonders if cuddling together can be far away . I say , " Yes ! Cuddling together can be very far away , especially if she keeps on trying to butt in on my petting time . " Karen Jo : Emma wasn 't trying to butt in on your petting time . I had been petting you for a long time and thought you were asleep . She just jumped up to see if she could get some attention , too . You have been really hogging bedtime lately . I just reached over and started petting her and you smacked both of us with your paw . Poor Emma just looked confused . It was morning and that is usually her time . Karen Jo : And you have been getting the lion 's share of it . To clue in our friends , I haven 't been feeling well lately and have been spending a lot of time in bed . Herman has been right there with me , wanted to be petted and keeping me company . Poor Emma hasn 't been getting much attention at all . I have managed to find some time for her when Herman isn 't around . Karen Jo : I know . I tried to buy litter today , but all I could get was one box and I need two boxes for one litter box . I will try again on Monday . There was enough Deserts ' Sand , but you don 't really like that . At least the food is getting better . Mom cooked chicken in the oven and I sat by the oven waiting and waiting for it to get done . At last it was ready and Mom gave me a bite . She made something good out of it with cheese and I got some cheese , too . Tonight was steak night and Mom gave me some sour cream . Karen Jo : I think that 's a good idea . I took you to be weighed Wednesday and you have lost 0 . 6 pounds . I hope some of it was fat and not just fur . This is the most appropriate badge I could find for Herman and Emma . Herman is FIV + along with having Feline Leukemia . Emma just has Feline Leukemia . Adopting these two adorable kitties is the best thing I could have done for them and for me . Herman came along shortly after I lost my Mother and was feeling very much alone in the family home by myself . I was sad and lonely ; he was sad and lonely ; we were a perfect match . Other than his one bout of active Feline Leukemia , Herman has been perfectly healthy in the almost two years that he has lived with me . Emma came to live with us on March 1st of this year . Herman was showing some signs of being lonely while I was at work and the word came that a nearby shelter had a cat with Feline Leukemia who needed a home at once because the shelter didn 't really have an isolation cage and all the foster homes were full . I went and picked her up the day after I found out about her and talked to the lady at the shelter . I can 't say that they loved each other at first sight , but they get along well . There was never any real antagonism between them . Emma hasn 't been sick at all . If you are thinking of adopting a first cat , please consider taking one with FIV or Feline Leukemia . These diseases are serious , but they are not an automatic early death sentence . There are treatments to help keep them healthy and research is coming up with new drugs to help or even cure the diseases . This is Hal . A life on the streets of Albuquerque , NM , has left him with an aversion to dogs and children , a cauliflower ear and FIV . He really needs a quiet home and a loving human . Please consider adopting him . You can find out more about him here . http : / / www . petfinder . com / petdetail / 17712249 ? rvp = 1 I found a sunspot on the big pillow in front of the living room window . Mom would get me shaved just when the weather turned cool and rainy . I am trying to keep warm now . I am also using my ham - mick and bed in front of the heater again . This is called a half - lion cut . I think it is more three - quarters . I thought Mom would become a better blogger when she retired , but she 's worse now . Karen Jo : My apologies . I am still trying to get used to my new schedule , or rather a lack of one . I fall prey to the lure of the TV much too often , then fall asleep watching and don 't blog . I am also going out more . I love having a social life again . Working nights and weekends meant that I had barely any social life at all . I promise to do much better . Herman , don 't complain about your shave too much . You know that you feel much better . Emma : One of the things that I really like about having Mom around all the time is that she lets me explore places I was never allowed in before . I surprised Mom by getting up on her clothes in her closet when she was trying to pick out something to wear . I walked from one end of the closet to the other up here , then I jumped down again . One of the things that I don 't like so much is that Mom changed our lunch time . We used to get fed at 1 : 30 every afternoon . Now we have to wait until three or four . Karen Jo : I was throwing out so much food that you didn 't eat between breakfast ( any time between 8 and 10 ) and lunch that I decided to space out your meals more evenly . Now most meals get eaten almost completely . You still get breakfast and supper at your regular times . Karen Jo : I am only giving you one treat at a time and only several hours apart now . You need to cut down on treats so you can lose weight . You need to go in for a weighing again fairly soon . Karen Jo : Emma is still having a lot of fun chasing the ribbon tied to my Happy Retirement balloon . It 's Mylar , so it still floats . Today , she was playing with it in the living room when I left to attend a meeting . When I returned several hours later , Emma was napping on my bed and the balloon was in my bedroom , too . I am guessing that she grabbed the ribbon and took the balloon with her . The windows were closed , so it couldn 't have drifted there on its own . Emma : I am not saying a word . It is really fun , though . I am also still very partial to my new wand toy , though I still like Da Bird best . We are getting more play time , though we aren 't always interested when Mom wants to play . Mom went on a toy hunt the other day . I love watching her lie on the floor and try to reach the toys we have batted under the couch . She found a bunch of balls and a couple of mice . Mom has been watching me pounce Emma . I jump out and try to grab her with my front paws . She always gets away , though . Sometimes I chase her afterward and sometimes I don 't . I like to keep her guessing . Emma : I don 't know why Herman wants to grab me . I don 't mind it , or the chasing . I can always get away from him . He won 't follow me if I go up high or if I duck into any of my hidey - holes . Herman can be fun with toys , too . I whapped a ball near him and he whapped it again and I chased it . He lost interest after that , but it 's the most play with toys interaction Mom has seen between us . Karen Jo : The two of you seem to be getting closer and closer . Most nights both of you sleep with me on the bed , though not close to each other , usually . The other night Emma beat Herman to his favorite spot next to my chest where I pet him . I was petting Emma when Herman showed up . He just lay at my feet , out of whapping range from Emma and went to sleep . I kept expecting him to try to get his spot back , but he never did . I didn 't even try to pet Herman , because I know how Emma reacts when I switch my attention from her to him , even if I pet both of them at the same time . The upshot is that Herman is no longer jealous of Emma , but Emma still gets jealous of Herman . What was really unusual is that Emma stayed by me all night . She usually moves during the night , then Herman reclaims his spot . I had both kitties in bed the whole night , which was really great . Karen Jo : I just read that Beau 's Mom Cathy passed away . It makes me very sad . I have been reading Beau 's blog for years and enjoyed it very much . Cathy loved all the kitties so much that I can 't think of a better way to honor her than to go ahead and blog for Mo Cats Day . We got our package from China Cat and Willow for Christmas in July yesterday . We were late getting our gifts to them , too . Look how nicely everything is packaged and wrapped . It came with a nice card , too . Look at all this good stuff . Even Mom got something . That square that says " Meow " is a picture frame with a great picture of me and Emma in Santa hats in front of a fire with a Christmas tree . Mom loves it and has put it out on the table . We got a purple cube and lots of Temptations ( some flavors we have never had before ) , furry mousies with rattles , a little basketball , a blue ball that looks like a woofie , a nip cigar and a wand toy . Each of us grabbed our favorite right away . I grabbed the nip cigar as soon as Mom got it out of the package . I sniffed it and licked it and bunny - kicked it like crazy . Then I took a nap using it for a pillow and had nice nip dreams . Mom has been acting strange since she retired . She has been sleeping a whole lot . At first she went out almost every night , then came home and went straight to bed , so she didn 't blog . Then she just started going to bed early and didn 't blog . I like all the bed time , too . I have been getting long petting sessions at night . Mom even lies down to watch TV and I can get more petting then , too , if Emma doesn 't beat me to it . Other than that , Mom hasn 't been much fun . She has been playing with papers all day long . Karen Jo : I had a lot of paper work that I had been neglecting . It is almost all done now . I have been trying to play with you more , but mostly you don 't want to play in the afternoons . Karen Jo : I have to . Your mats are even worse that I first thought . You have an appointment with a groomer on Tuesday . Hopefully , it will just be for some spot shaving , but I will let the groomer decide whether you need the whole lion cut . I don 't think it will be necessary , as you don 't have any mats on your back , just on both flanks and around your legs . You need your butt cleaned , too , but I will try to get that done before your appointment . Karen Jo : I know , but it has gotten pretty bad . Your fur is so thick that it is hard to see how many klingons you have . I thought there was just a little bit , until I wiped at you this afternoon and felt them all . You will have to get wiped every day until I can get them all off and maybe you just need to be wiped every day to keep clean . Karen Jo : You don 't have much pudding poop yourself , Herman . Just a tiny bit every day . It does tend to get stuck in the fur , though . I am a bit late getting my post up , as I have been celebrating my retirement , but I do want to participate . Thank you so much , ML , for all the kitties you have rescued and the inspiration you give all of us to open our hearts and homes to those kitties ( and other animals ) who need our help so much and who give us so much in return . Without the Cat Blogosphere , I might never have found the blogs of people who adopted cats with health problems and learned that FIV and Feline Leukemia were serious , but no reason not to adopt . Without your lead in showing how a house could take in so many kitties and not only survive , but thrive , I might never have considered taking in my two darlings . Oh , I would have adopted a cat or two , but probably not the two I did adopt . Without the links to so many cat and other animal blogs , Kitty Limericks would not have gone on as long as it has . It is being revived , by the way . Most of the entries in my blog lists came from introductions I found in the Cat Blogosphere . Thank you so much for all the birthday and gotcha day announcements and the sad ones of our friends going over the Rainbow Bridge . I have had very limited time for visiting and I would never have been able to keep up on my own . Mainly , just thank you so much for being the wonderful person that you are . Karen Jo : Don 't worry . I worked for a long time and earned a pension and Social Security . They will send me green papers every month . Emma : Some kitties have been sympathizing with me about getting chased by Herman . Truth to tell , I usually enjoy it . It 's a fun game because he never catches me . When I get tired of it , I have several hidey - holes and places I can go where Herman can 't follow me . Emma : I only ever did that a couple of times , anyway . I think it 's more fun running from you . You chased me away from the toy I was playing with this afternoon . Emma : I jumped up in the kitchen window to watch them . I can stand in Mom 's chair and look out the window . I can get all the way up on the windowsill , but it 's pretty narrow , so I would rather stand in Mom 's chair . Mom hogs it sometimes , though . I am almost snoozing near the kitchen . Mom has been eating chicken again and she is sharing with me . I love it . Mom says that after she finishes her seven days of work in a row , she is going to get something really nice . She isn 't saying what it is , but something is making her very happy . Karen Jo : That 's right . You will find out all about it in Thursday 's post . You have been chasing Emma around quite a bit lately . Karen Jo : You have a nice warm bed right by the heat vent . If it gets cold , you can be all snuggly there . You know that the mat on your flank is getting uncomfortable for you . Karen Jo : You have very thick , long fur . When the undercoat sheds , it gets caught in the outer coat and mats . You don 't groom yourself much , so it builds up . You walk or run away from brushing and furminating , so I can 't help you all that much . I 'll look into getting you a better brush than your slicker brush that will be more comfortable for you than the furminator to try to keep things under control better . I am clillaxing in my computer chair . Mom is messy and she has gotten all sorts of stuff on the arm and side of the seat . Maybe some day she 'll clean it up . Karen Jo : I know . I haven 't been blogging because I have been working very hard and coming home exhausted again . Right now I am in the middle of working seven days in a row and don 't know if I will be blogging again until September , which is only a few days away . Karen Jo : I 'll try . The Desert 's Sand litter is mostly being used by Emma , though I have seen Herman in it . Some days they pee in the Desert 's Sand and poop in the Swheat Scoop . Some days it 's the other way around . Most days they do a bit of both in both . Herman eats the duck and pea , too , along with his diet food . I don 't know why he likes that stuff . It 's like the kitten food , but not as tasty . The other day we ate so much duck and pea that the bowl was empty . Emma : I went for a ride in the stoller . I loved most of the ride . I only meowed a few times . I got worried when we went inside , because the only place I have been inside in the stroller is the vet 's . It turned out not to be the vet 's , though . Karen Jo : The nice lady at the pet supply store wanted to see you . She had never seen a cat in a stroller before . She even took a picture of you . I wanted to get a mat cutter for Herman and a new litter pan to replace the one that broke . I don 't think the mat cutter I got will work on Herman 's problem , but I can get another kind from a catalogue . Karen Jo : I didn 't know whether you recognized the litter pan from the evacuation and didn 't want to have anything to do with it , or if it is the litter itself that you object to . Next I will put it in one of your old litter pans to see what happens . I tried to get more Swheat Scoop at the store , but they were still out of it . After that it was my turn to for a ride in the stroller . I still don 't like it . I meowed at Mom the whole way to the vet 's and the whole way back . Karen Jo : I needed to get you some more Interferon , so I took you along to weigh you . You gained two tenths of a pound . Do you know what that means ? At least I got some good stuff for supper . Mom had steak for the first time in weeks . I got a lick or two of sour cream and three bites of steak . Karen Jo : That you are . I found out that you don 't like Greenies . It is Interferon week . Herman loves his Interferon and actually begs for it when I open the refrigerator in the morning . You don 't really care for it and resist taking it a bit . I thought that I could get you to like it better by giving you a treat right after the Interferon . I gave you a Greenie right after your Interferon and you spit it out . Karen Jo : It is still sitting on the chair where you spit it out . I am surprised that Herman hasn 't found it yet . I guess he will eventually . |
Part of the Terrence / Bri series . Bri disobeys her older brother and meets her boyfriend at the park . He 's not too happy when he catches the two lovebirds . I was going out with Joey , a hot senior who was captain of the basketball team . I spent nearly every moment of my life with him , thinking that doing otherwise would be wasting my time . Terrence didn 't take a big liking to this , but he let me be . And when I got my car back from the shop ( it had gotten totaled , thanks to some idiot who ran a red light ) , Joey was the first person I wanted to take for a ride in it . I could hear Joey 's grin . " That 's great , Brianna ! " he said happily . " Want to take me for a ride in it ? " He could read my mind . " Of course I do ! " I ran to the living room where Terrence sat , lazily watching TV and told him that I was going to go out with Joey for a little while , have some dinner , get some coffee , and the like . He said okay but not to stay out too late , because after all , it was a school night . I thanked him and ran out the door , keys in hand . " Sounds good , " I agreed then dialed my house number on the cell phone . " Hey , Terrence ! " I said as he picked up the phone and muttered hello . " We 're at the coffee shop , and we 're going to the park . . . " " Okay ! " I said , excitement ringing through the car . " I 'll call you when I leave his house ! " I hung up the phone . " Okay , let 's go to the park ! " I told Joey . " But . . . " he said , voice trailing off . I was too ecstatic about being with him to let Terrence bother me about not going to the park . Besides , what he didn 't know wouldn 't hurt him . " I . . . I don 't know . . . I want to do something amazing , like become an author or a musician . . . but , I know I don 't have what it takes . So , I 'll probably be something boring like an accountant , " I said , laughing a bit . " Oh , oh ! " he said , seeing the tall figure standing above us . " Hey , uh , Terrence . . . " he said , stuttering like I 've never heard before . I was too engrossed in him to realize that . . . " Look , er . . . Brianna told me she couldn 't come to the park but I talked her into it anyway . I begged and begged . . . it was my fault . . . " Joey nodded then looked at me apologetically . Me , of course , I was embarrassed as hell . Terrence had the nerve to drag me out of the fucking park ! Grrrr . He dropped off Joey and I had to settle for a goodbye hug instead of a kiss , because I felt uncomfortable doing it in front of Terrence . When I got back inside I slammed the door . " What the hell is wrong with you ! ? " I yelled to Terrence . Mistake . " What the hell is wrong with me ? " he yelled back . " You went to the park after I told you not to . You deliberately disobeyed me . Do you know what fucking time it is ? " I looked at the clock that read 11 : 23 . Time flies when you 're having fun . " That 's not the point ! You don 't have to go embarrassing me in front of my boyfriend ! " " I specifically told you that you COULDN ' T go to the park . You 're lucky that I even let you out of the house with the know - it - all attitude you 've been giving me lately . And you went to the park even after I said no . And you 're going to try and put the blame on me ? It 's not going to work this time , " he said as we pulled into the driveway . " We 'll go get your car tomorrow and it will sit right here in this driveway for two weeks , understand me ? I will take you to school and work and that 's it . You won 't be going anywhere else . " I stepped inside and plopped myself down on the couch . Soon enough , Terrence came in , shut the door , lifted me from the couch , all too easily , which made me a little bit more scared , unbuttoned my pants , tugged them down , tugged down my panties , and lay me over his lap . All the while I 'm begging and pleading , kicking and screaming trying to get him to stop . But his grip was too strong on me . " Owwwwww , " I screamed , kicking , wanting to cover it up so he would stop , or at least be distracted for a moment , but unable to because his grip was too strong . " Stoppppp , " I pleaded , tears streaming down my face . " I 'm sorryyyyyyyy . " I cried and cried , finally broken , lying across his lap . " I 'm sorry , " I muttered through teary eyes , crying like a baby . He knew the second I had been broken because he instantly gathered me in his arms . I nodded . " I 'm sorry , Ter - rence . I 'm sorryyy , " I said , burying my head into his chest and crying until I was all cried out . " You 're a good kid , Bri , " he said , calling me that name that always made me feel better . " I don 't want anything to happen to you . I set rules so you 'll be safe , not to be mean , or a jerk . Okay ? I love you . " Part of the Terrence / Brianna series . Bri knows the cure for her best friend 's broken heart . Too bad she has to take Terrence 's car in order to provide her with that cure . " Steph , " I said weakly , glancing at the clock . " It 's 3 in the morning and I had to work tonight . . . I 'm really tired . " " What 's wrong ? " I asked in a worried voice , finally realizing that she was crying . " Stephanie ? Are you okay ? ? I 'll be over there in a couple of minutes . " I slammed the phone down and changed into the nearest pair of pants and slipped on a shirt then jumped out of my window , hoping that Terrence would remain asleep until I at least got home . When I got outside , though , I realized that my car wasn 't there . Yeah , I had gotten in a stupid wreck and it was still in the shop . I sighed loudly and looked at the sky as if asking God " why me ? " I thought for a moment and looked at Terrence 's car , figuring he wouldn 't miss it much . I slipped back inside my window and grabbed his keys from the kitchen table and jumped back out of the window then headed towards Stephanie 's house . I was at her house in a matter of seconds . That 's how fast I drove through my neighborhood , that 's how many stop signs I ran . I 'm usually a really safe driver , but I was worried to death . When I got there , the first thing I did was tap softly on her window . She opened it up and let me inside . Her eyes were red and puffy and a box of kleenex sat next to her and Dashboard Confessionals was blaring loudly . I knew what happened . " Oh , God , " I muttered when I landed on her floor . I allowed her to fall into my arms and I tried to rock her back and forth and console her , trying to listen to her muttering about her now ex - boyfriend and how she loved him so much and how she didn 't want him to break up with her and how much she fucked up then repeating everything afterwards . " It 's okay , Steph , " I said , softly . Being 16 and all , having a boyfriend was a big deal . . . and it was her first real love . . . We sat there for a long time , her crying on my shoulder and me rocking her back and forth . I searched through my mind trying to think of something that could help her feel better . Sitting there on the bed listening to whiny Emo music wasn 't helping at all . That 's when the light bulb came on . She raised herself up and looked at me , her eyes puffier and redder than ever . " Perfect idea ? I miss Paulllll , " she whined , lying her head down back on my chest . " I was listening to . . . " she began but I cut her off by grabbing a happy CD from her CD collection and dragging her out of the window with me . I dragged her to my . . . er . . . Terrence 's car and shoved her into the passenger 's seat then sat myself next to her . " We 're going to go out and drive around like we used to , and listen to happy music and be happy , dammit ! " I said grinning . " It 's been forever since we 've done it , and besides , we don 't need guys ! " I slammed in Alanis Morisette , okay , that 's not happy music , but it was a start . It was angry - at - guys music and that 's what we needed , not sappy I - love - you - and - miss - you music . I pulled out of the driveway with a sniffling Stephanie next to me , then turned the music up as loud as it would go when we got out of the neighborhood . We sang along , dancing , and just having fun seeing as it was 3 : 30 in the morning and nobody was out driving or anything . " All right then , you stay in here . I 'll be back in a minute . " I hopped out of the car , stuffed the keys in my pocket then made my way inside Wal - Mart . I went back to the candy aisle , got three bags of gummy worms and a couple of Milky Way bars . I was on my way to getting two Mountain Dews when I felt a tap on my shoulder . I nearly jumped three feet in the air , knowing that it was Terrence next to me . I gave a heavy sigh of relief when I saw it was just a police officer . Now was my chance . " My . . . " I stuttered , trying to think of the saddest thought , letting a tear slip down my cheek , " parents . . . are dead , " I said , beginning to cry full out now . I tried to keep crying , wiping my eyes a bit . " Yes , " I lied . " I came to get some stuff ' cause my friend was spending the night and I wanted some stuff and he said I could get some . . . " I gulped . This wasn 't what I was expecting . . . " Please , officer , " I begged . " I just wanna get my stuff and go home . . . " He considered this for a moment . " No , you 're a minor out past state curfew , it 's my duty to release you back into the care of your guardian . Now , if you will go ahead and purchase your items so we can get a move on . " I think he understood what I meant because he didn 't say a word after that , just opened the door for me . I sat down and folded my arms then remembered that Stephanie was still sitting in Terrence 's car , probably wondering what had happened to me . Great . . . So , I rode in the car with this piggy and wondered if he had any donuts close by . I mean , don 't all cops eat those ? And a donut sounded really good . . . " Oh . . . oh ! " I said , then recited my address to him , silently praying that he wouldn 't knock on the door and wake Terrence . How I would get his car back without him knowing was my next problem . We heard shuffling through the house and I knew that Terrence was peeking through the window then making his way slowly towards the door . Well , slowly wasn 't exactly the way to put it . . . he ended up at the doorway faster than I thought he would , obviously having hurriedly slipped on a pair of jeans . He glared at me . I let out a weak smile and looked at him . He was wearing those jeans and a white undershirt that showed off his muscles that he would probably be using on me once he found out what I did . How could I get out of this ? I shivered a little bit , remembering the last time I had gotten spanked . . . I didn 't like the way this was going . . . " No problem , " the piggy said then let out a grin that made me hate the guy even more . He turned to leave and Terrence put a hand on my shoulder and led me into the house . My body was shaking more with fright by this time . . . " I don 't want to listen to your excuses . You are getting too old to be spanked . . . " Oooo , a light of hope . . . " I don 't know why you keep giving me reason to do it more often ! " Damn , that hope was gone . " No , you don 't . . . I 'll be good . Go on and go to sleep and when we wake up in the morning we can put this past us . . . " I tottered off to my room , shaking with fear . Please don 't let him spank me , please don 't let him spank me , I begged to myself . It was futile , I knew even then . He finally entered after me sitting there for about 10 minutes , anticipating what would happen . I gazed at him with my fearful blue eyes , noticing that he hadn 't brought anything into the room with him . That could be a good sign . " I 'm sorry , Terrence . . . " I said desperately , trying to think of a good reason of why he shouldn 't spank me . " Look , er . . . I 'm having girl complications . . . yeah , that time of month . . . " I lied . " You er , can 't spank me . . . please . . . I 'd like bleed all over you . " It was gross to think about that , but it seemed like the only way out of it . He gave me a disbelieving look then said , " fine . Lean over your bed , I 'll do it pants up , for now . But believe me , Brianna , whenever you 're ready it 's going to be hell on your ass , worse than you 'd get it right now . And you can 't go anywhere until you get it , can 't talk on the phone , can 't get on the computer . And you won 't be needing your car back anytime soon . . . " " Er , " I stuttered , wondering if it would be better to just say I lied and take my bare bottom punishment , or wait for so many weeks doing absolutely nothing . . . " Okay , " I finally said , figuring the latter would be best . Surely , he wouldn 't hold that against me . . . I stood up and leaned over my bed , placing my hands firmly into it and sticking my bottom out , very thankful for the protection of my jeans . I listened as I heard a belt being slipped through the loops , and I heard the jingle as I saw the image in my head of him folding it over once . I felt his hand on my back to hold me down . I shuddered again , very uneasy at the moment . I didn 't exactly want to go to bed with my bottom on fire like I knew it would be . . . but , maybe he 'd be too tired to give me too much . . . I nodded , not having begun crying yet , and rubbed my bottom . Was lying to him the best thing to do ? If he could give me that much over my pants at 4 in the morning , what would he do when I announced to him that I was ready for the bare bottom spanking . . . The next morning , Terrence woke me up early , as promised . After three hours of sleep , the last thing I wanted to do was walk in the cold winter air to Wal - Mart with my older brother to get his car that I stole . My ass still stung a lot , even though it had been over my jeans . I regretted my actions more and more with each step towards Wal - Mart . He just nodded and I walked kind of bow - legged and stuff . . . We finally approached Wal - Mart and his beat - up old car . He drove us back home and ordered me to stay in my room , taking away my radio and CDs and my phone . What the hell would I do ? But I finished my chores that morning by 11 and sat in my room after eating lunch and actually did some homework then went to sleep early again . By the time Monday rolled around , I was so glad that school was back . I went through my day and nearly cried when my crush , Joey , asked me out for that night , but I had to decline politely . I didn 't tell him why , but I guess he assumed that it was cause it was a school night , and he said , " well , maybe Friday , " and stalked off to his group of friends . I got home and did more chores , then went to bed again , and repeated the same procedure Tuesday , only I went to work afterwards . Wednesday was similar , and by Thursday I was sick of the silent treatment coming from Terrence and the guilt in my stomach and the boredom that dwelled within me . It was my night off , so I walked up to Terrence before dinner and said , " I 'm ready . " He didn 't question me at all , but instead , allowed me to continue . " I feel really bad about what I did , and I 'm ready to accept full punishment for it , and for the record , I lied to you Friday . . . and I 'm sorry for lying . " He just nodded and said that he would take care of it after dinner . I gulped down the last of my tea and finished my dinner , and was dismissed to my room . I sat on my bed , my stomach twisted in knots , and I remembered being at a friend 's house one night . . . eating dinner with her and her family . We were about 8 years old , and my friend had 5 brothers and sisters , and I wondered how she could stand it , ' cause I only had one and I didn 't even like him that much . But we were eating dinner and her dad had told her specifically not to eat all the spaghetti , well , told all of them not to , and they did it while their parents were gone . When they got back , the spaghetti was gone and the culprits were found , my friend and her younger sister . And their father announced that after dinner each of them would be spanked on their bare bottom . I remembered the nervous feeling I got inside my body , the way that my heart was pounding in fear for my friends . . . I thought 8 was way too old to be spanked since I hadn 't gotten spanked since I was 5 . I remembered the way that I gulped down my milk , feeling as if I was the one to be spanked . After dinner , both girls were sent to the living room where their bare bottoms were smacked two times each , just hard enough to make a slight impression . I remembered how I gulped and played with my friend afterwards who exclaimed that it didn 't hurt , but we both knew it did . She was just being a big girl . . . I remembered how 8 seemed too old to be spanked , and here I was 16 and about to be spanked . . . twice her age . . . I nearly jumped off my bed forgetting that I was 16 and not 8 and I was at my house , not my friends . " Come in , " I said weakly . Terrence opened my door and sat down on my bed next to me . " I 'm glad you finally fessed up , Brianna , " he said , looking me deep into the eyes . " I want you to understand how disappointed I am in you , and how much more I 'm let down that you lied to me . " I nodded . " I guess you realize that you deserve this spanking ? " Another nod . " Okay then , pants down and over my lap . " I hesitated a bit then did as I was told , dropping my baggy jeans to the floor and putting myself over his lap . He pulled my shirt away from my bottom , exposing a small part of my back , then smacked my ass with his hand once , on my panties . Then he did it again , causing me to jump and wince a bit , but since I knew it was only the beginning it wasn 't hurting as much as I knew it would be soon . After he felt that he had warmed me up properly , I felt him tug down my panties and felt the slight breeze . I quivered a little and shuddered , breathing in deeply . " No , " he said , moving my hands away . " I 'm not finished , Brianna . You can do that after I get finished . " I cried harder , wishing desperately that he would hurry up and finish . " Brianna , you know you deserve this . . . WHAAAPPP ! ! ! ! ! ! ! I don 't want you ever to steal my car again , WHAAAPPP ! ! ! ! ! ! ! or sneak out of the house , WHAAAPPP ! ! ! ! ! ! ! or be out after curfew . WHAAAPPP ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Do you understand ? ? WHAAAPPP ! ! ! ! ! ! ! " " I dooo , I dooooooo . . . I 'm sorryyyyyyy . " I cried and cried , my eyes nearly being cried out when he finally set the belt down and I knew what he meant when he said " hell on my ass " cause my bottom felt like it was on fire . " Okay , " I said through teary eyes . " Can I go with this boy , Joey , to the movies tomorrow night ? " I asked , a hopeful look in my eyes . " I 'm going to just be gone for the weekend . Are you going to be okay here by yourself ? " Terrence asked me for the 500th time . I sighed loudly . " Terrence . . . go . Have fun , mmk ? I 'll be fine . " He was going to spend the weekend with his girlfriend in Florida and I was all for the idea . I didn 't get to spend much time by myself , and the poor guy was under a lot of stress , with keeping me and all . I wanted him to get out and have a nice time . Terrence mock - sighed back at me . " Well , okay . . . " He hugged me . " I 'll be back Sunday afternoon and . . . well , just have a good time . And don 't do anything I wouldn 't let you do , okay ? " " Yeah , right . . . " He walked out the door with his suitcases in hand and loaded them into the trunk and waved goodbye . I grinned and waved back watching him drive out of our driveway , down the street , and turn right onto the highway where he would be going to his girlfriend 's house , then on a trip miles away from me , leaving me by myself . Oh yes , this would be an awesome weekend . It was a Friday night , and I had nothing wild planned . Actually , I had to work , and I knew when I got home that I 'd be too worn out to do anything more than sit in front of the TV and watch hours of the discovery channel . So , I decided that Saturday would be the perfect night for a party . I called up my friends and asked if they wanted to come over , and to invite anyone they wanted for some loud music and lots of alcohol . I had a friend from work who told me he 'd provide if I paid . After calling everyone I knew , or rather , liked , I got ready for work and set out into the hot summer air to the local pizza place that I worked at to waste a Friday night making pizzas for loud , annoying customers who were never satisfied . I talked to my friend , Nate , and gave him $ 40 , compliments of Terrence for food , gas , whatever I decided to buy , and gave him a list of stuff to get us , which mostly consisted of wine coolers and beer , and a little hard liquor , but not too much . He came back up there , car glowing in the midst of the black night , and I shoved them into the trunk of my car and gave him a huge hug , thanking him a million times . I got back to my house , put the stuff in the fridge , and wasted the rest of the night watching F . B . I . Files and stuff like that . Around 2 , I yawned and dozed off to sleep on the couch , the TV still talking softly in front of me . The next afternoon I woke up at 1 , talked to Terrence , who was super worried , on the phone for about 10 minutes until he was assured that I was fine , the house wasn 't burnt down , and I hadn 't been in trouble with the police . I felt kind of guilty after I hung up the phone , thinking how much Terrence would be let down if he knew what I was doing , but I pushed the thought away . I had already invited the people , I couldn 't back down now . I called it the beginning of summer bash . Yes , it was a bash , even for an unpopular person like me . Somehow the word got around to people I went to school with and there ended up being tons of people on my doorstep at 8 that night . I charged the people that I didn 't like a fee of $ 5 , not because I didn 't like them , but because they were high or drunk enough to give it to me . Around 9 : 30 , I called Nate at work and asked him if he could drop by with more beer . The guys were drinking that stuff like it was the only thing on the planet . He agreed , and I promised I would pay him back and if I didn 't he could kick my ass . Nate knocked on my door at 11pm , and I gratefully answered so the idiots who actually paid me could get some more to drink . " You can stay if ya want . . . " I yelled over the loud heavy music behind me . He just grinned slightly . I was not drunk . I was drinking , but I could walk straight . My friends around me were smoking pot , which I didn 't like the idea of , and anytime I caught someone , I took the joint away from them , much to their disliking . I wasn 't about to get caught with pot in my house . . . Terrence would kill me ! What if it had been hiding behind a doorway or something ? He 'd think I was smoking it . Nope , not going to take that chance . By 12 : 30 the crowd started thinning out . I guess they thought my parties were boring . It didn 't matter to me , my friends and I were having a good time acting like idiots and dancing around my small living room to KoRn . The people started filtering out of my house , racing to the door , seeing that the party had been busted . Terrence just stood there , eyeing me , not a very happy look on his face . He stared me down , but I couldn 't look at him . I just muttered apologies to everyone who walked past me until finally , everyone was outside . I looked around the house . Everything looked trashed . . . the floor was cluttered with plastic cups , there were cigarette butts everywhere , beer cans . . . " Hanging out with some friends ! " he yelled , so loudly it caused me to jump . He picked up a few empty beer cans and held them out . " You call THIS hanging out with some friends ? ! ? " He chunked the can to the side . " I thought I could trust you , Brianna ! But you go and have a party while I 'm gone , I know you were drinking , were you smoking , too ? " " BECAUSE YOU KNOW YOU ' RE NOT SUPOSSED TO HAVE ONE ! " he yelled . " Do I have to spell it out for you ? Do I have to write every single little rule three feet high and shove it under your face for you to see it ! You know better than this . " " I . . . I 'm . . . sorry . . . " I stammered again . I was shaking like crazy , and his anger wasn 't helping me be any calmer . He finally just exasperatedly turned around and began picking up the littered floor . I helped a bit , throwing some empty cans and cups into the garbage can , sitting turned over stuff back up . " I 'm in a lot of trouble , aren 't I ? " I said in an almost inaudible voice . " Oh yeah , Brianna . You 're in a LOT of trouble , " he said , throwing the last bit of stuff away . The living room no longer looked like a junk yard . " Stay here , " he said . I complied as he went to his room for a minute while I stood there like a bump on a log . Why had I been so completely stupid ? Friday night would 've been a much better night to have the damn party . . . ( Obviously I wasn 't feeling any remorse yet . ) He came back into the room carrying a board . It was a good sized board . . . looked like it 'd be a good tool for a small child incase they ever got out of line . . . . My thoughts broke off there . " No , " I said , as much of a shock to him as myself . . . I jumped a bit from his voice and ambled to the kitchen , grabbing the wine coolers from the fridge , and the beer cans and hard liquor from the counter . I brought it back to where Terrence was , and then I handed him a wad of cash , a good $ 100 . He didn 't even question the money , just said " Anything else you need to give me ? " I dug in my pocket , finding three joints and a package of cigarettes . " These aren 't mine , " I said , pointing to the joints . " Someone had them , and I didn 't want ' em smoking around me . . " I was glad he actually let me speak . " Yesssssss , " I cried , jumping up and down on my feet . I heard the paddle drop to the floor through my sobs and then felt Terrence lift me from my position . He took me into his lap . " Shhhh , it 's okay , Brianna . It 's okay hon . . . " He wrapped his arms around me and we sat there on the couch , me crying and him comforting me in his soothing voice , allowing me to bury my head into his chest . " What exactly do you think you 're doing , Miss Carter ? " The voice behind me sent a shudder through my body . It definitely didn 't sound very pleased to see me out of my sixth period class behind the T - buildings near the parking lot . " Er , " I muttered . " I have a hall pass ? " I said , turning around to see the security guard behind me . I didn 't want to know how she knew my name . . . I mentally gulped as I followed her to the office , praying that I could get off easily , maybe just an after school detention or something . I knew if Terrence found out , he wouldn 't be happy . After all , it wasn 't the first time I had skipped school and I knew that there was a silent promise that if I skipped again , I wouldn 't be happy , either . We arrived at the assistant principal 's office in a matter of minutes and the security guard explained the situation to him . My heart was pounding inside my chest . I didn 't like the direction this was heading . He nodded again . He did not speak for a few minutes , only stared at me with a look of disappointment . We were on fairly close terms . After the cheating incident , we spoke to each other in the hallways , and even at lunch we carried on a conversation . That 's why I hoped he 'd let me off fairly easy . . . " Can you make after school detention tomorrow ? " he asked . He nodded back at me and turned to the computer that sat beside him . He began punching at the keys until the paper was all finished . He did a spell check , to my surprise of course , I figured that teachers and principals didn 't need spell checks and stuff , and then he printed out the paper and handed it to me . " Get Terrence to sign this tonight , bring it back tomorrow afternoon for your detention . This is a serious offense , Brianna . I don 't want this to happen again . " I figured Terrence would want details , too . That 's why I waited until after dinner and after it had settled and while we were watching TV to casually ask him to sign it . " Oh , " I said , as if I was giving him something trivial , a note about a new policy or something , " can you sign this ? " I handed him the paper and he looked at it for a moment , then changed the look on his face . He read the entire thing then looked at me . " Explain this note to me , Brianna , ' cause to me , it sounds like you have detention for skipping class and I know that can 't be right cause we 've already had a discussion about you doing stuff like that . . . " " Err , well , see . . . I um , yeah . I skipped sixth period . But it 's only gym class and we weren 't doing anything anyway so I didn 't miss much ! " I added quickly , hoping that it 'd change his mind about things . Hah , yeah right . He gave me that look . I tried to smile big and pretend like it was no big deal , but that worked for a whole two seconds . " What am I going to do with you , " he bellowed . " This isn 't the first time . You 've skipped before . In fact , I 'm sure that you 've skipped more times than I know about . . . " " I 'm going to make sure that you hear the lesson loud and clear , " he said . He sounded so corny , and I was sure he knew it , too . He was just trying to scare me more and more and make the situation more real . . . " Great for them . You ask me every time if you can be grounded and I give you the same answer every time . Now go to your room and stand in the corner with your pants and panties already down . " " Yessir , " I said quickly , standing up and practically running out of the room , getting a hard swat on the bottom on my way there . I entered my small room with fear still running through my body . Sure , I 'd been spanked many times , but for some reason , my knees were shaking and my palms sweating . I really didn 't want to be spanked . I was nearly 16 years old for Christ 's sakes . . . But , I couldn 't stop the fact that he was going to spank me whether I complied or not . And it 'd be easier on me if I complied . So , I unbuttoned my jeans and unzipped them , then let them fall to the floor . I stepped out , my legs still shaking . I looked at the wall , almost in tears already . Then , I tugged my panties down and stepped out of them as well . It was never like that before . Every other time he 'd tell me to pull my pants down and he 'd wait ' til I was over his knee to pull my panties down . . . I put my nose in the corner , blushing . I felt so young . . . so stupid . I felt like I was five years old again . I stood still for a few minutes , then got antsy from all the waiting . I whined a little to myself and moved around a little bit , twiddling my thumbs and admiring the cool breeze that my bottom would have for now . I nearly jumped three feet into the air when I heard the door open . I turned around to see Terrence standing there . " Nose back in that corner , Young Lady ! " he said sternly and I immediately assumed the position . Not only did I feel like I was five , I also felt like I was in the military ! This was so humiliating . " Next time you decide to skip class I want you to remember this , do you understand me ? " I blushed more and turned around and walked towards my brother , praying that my shirt was long enough to where he couldn 't see anything . Of course , I knew he wasn 't looking , but it was embarrassing to think that he could see anything . I blushed deeper . The look on his face was that of satisfaction . " Bend over and touch your toes , " he said sternly . I wanted to cry . This person seemed nothing like my brother who usually just spanked me and scolded me . I was sure being over his knee , or lying over my bed , would be a much better place to be than in the middle of the floor bent over and touching my toes . Things were so much different that way . If he popped me too hard , I 'd probably let go of my toes , and then what ? " Now , Young Lady ! " he said , popping me on the bottom with his hand and gathering my attention back to him . I gulped unconsciously and bent over , trying to touch my toes , but unable to reach that far down . When I looked back up at him , he just kind of gave me a look as if saying that I had to do whatever it took to reach my toes . I let out a soft whine , knowing where this was leading to . . . more embarrassment . I spread my feet apart a little bit and grabbed my toes , still managing to be in a lot of pain from not stretching too much . The first whack hit me with full impact and I knew that it was Terrence 's paddle . I let out a loud cry , but he didn 't let up with the intensity of it . He kept spanking me and it seemed as if he spanked harder and harder as the time progressed . By the time he finished , I was crying full - out . The tears were streaming down my face and I was grabbing onto my ankles for dear life so I wouldn 't move my hands . My bottom was almost numb and it ached so badly and I was embarrassed and I knew that I had let him down so much . I cried harder and harder and he set the paddle down then told me abruptly , " go stand in the corner , your hands on your head , and I don 't want you to so much as move your nose from where it 's supposed to be . " I nodded weakly and hobbled over to the corner , my hands on my head and my bottom throbbing with every step . I stood in the corner , wanting to rub the sting out but knowing better than to do so . I still cried for the most part , and finally the crying died down and I was just sniffling . The sting was gradually going away , but I knew when Terrence said next time I wouldn 't be sitting for a while , I probably wouldn 't enjoy sitting for the rest of the day , and probably the next day in detention . I could only imagine what would happen if I skipped again , and it was something I didn 't care to imagine . So I didn 't . I just waited for this to be over , hoping that he would comfort me and hold me soon . I could only hope though . " Brianna , come here , " he called sternly , and I turned around to see him sitting on the bed . I wanted to cry again because that was when I realized that my spanking wasn 't over . I kind of whined a little more , and had to sniffle more because I was still crying a little . But I did as I was ordered and hobbled over to Terrence , wincing with each step as my bottom still hurt a lot . " You 're such a good kid . I can 't believe that you would do something so stupid . " I just stood there , trying not to let the words hit my stomach like they were . " I hope you learn your lesson this time , " he said and guided me over his lap . " I 'm so disappointed in you . " He positioned me over his lap to where my hands touched the floor and my feet didn 't . I stayed like that for a minute , letting everything sink in , and I 'm sure that was the purpose of him keeping me there for that time . My bottom was tingling as it knew what was coming up , and definitely wasn 't looking forward to it . . . The first spanks caught me by surprise . They were hard and fast , and followed by plenty of other smacks . He didn 't let up at all , didn 't pause in between smacks , just kept going at the rapid pace until I was once again , bawling like a baby and kicking and pleading . I finally was too worn out to go on any further and I just lay limply over his lap , tears streaming down my face one after another and falling to the floor . My bottom was on fire all over , even the " sit spots " which probably hurt most of all because they were so tender . I cried and cried and cried until my older brother scooped me into his arms and rocked me back and forth , stroking my hair and telling me that everything would be all right and that I was still the greatest sister in the world and that he loved and cared about me so much . We sat like that for a few minutes , maybe even an hour , until I was all cried out and my sniffling even died down . He lifted me up and hugged me tightly then told me to go onto bed and he 'd see me in the morning . The fall air hit me fresh in the face as I walked to school on a Tuesday morning . It was the second month of my sophomore year , and I was sleepy as hell , staying up all night studying for my Biology test . I knew I would do great on it . In fact , I had studied so much that I neglected to do some math homework and read some stuff for an english quiz that we were going to have . But , I wasn 't worried about it . An A in biology meant I could take Chemistry Honors and Biology II , the two classes I wanted to take . I finally arrived at school where I greeted my friends , screaming hey and hugging them all . I walked with my friend Stephanie to the end of the hallway so she could go to her locker . We stood there for a moment , chatting about insignificant things . Then , she looked around and turned back to me . " Count me in , " I said . We walked around the school to a big group of people . " Okay , look . . . we have a copy of the history exam that 's today . . . but tell ya what , you give me five dollars each , I 'll make you all your own copy , questions and answers , or just answers if you like . " " That doesn 't matter . But this is it , " I said , holding up a copy of Mrs . Meachum 's Midterm Exam . The kids looked at me in awe . " Whoaaa , " one said . " Okay , I 'll take one , " he said , getting a five dollar bill out of his wallet . The other kids did the same . I wrote down all of their names on a sheet of paper then Stephanie and I sat off to Biology where I gave her half a list of orders and I took the other half . We finished our tests then made the answer sheets . We both already made $ 25 each ; and we were still going . Finally , lunch rolled around and we finished off our last orders , coming out with $ 75 each . This was easy . . . I 'd have to do it more often . I finished copying the last of the answers , giving the kids their papers . Then , I walked on to my next class , and finally I ended up in history where I sat in the back of the classroom with the answer sheet in the sleeve of my long hoodie . Every so often , I yawned and looked at the sheet , grinning to Stephanie who sat next to me . Everything was going smooth . . . that is , until I heard this voice . . . " I was wondering why so many people were getting the right answers today ! " She grabbed my left arm and my answer sheet went flying to the floor . Some people gasped , while others tried to hide their own answer sheet , and some just looked at me with sympathy . " How many of you have an answer sheet ! " she yelled . No one confessed . " If you do not answer me , I will search your things until I find it ! " " Me , " someone else confessed . There was a stirring in the room and nearly 10 people pulled out their answer sheets and handed them to her . . . everyone except for Stephanie . I eyed Stephanie , wondering if she would confess , too . " I cannot believe this ! " she hauled me up by the arm with one hand , and then Stephanie with the other and dragged us all the way to the office , yelling at both of us the entire way there . " You girls , cheating , copying my exams . I bet you sold them , too . You know better than this , " she scolded . " I need to see Mr . Vaughn , " she told the secretary as we entered the small room . " You two sit right there and do not move ! " she ordered . We did as we were told , not daring to move , or even speak to one another . This stumped me . Should I tell the truth or lie ? I figured I should go with the truth , since a lie could get me into a bigger mess . So , I nodded . " Look at me , Brianna . " I did so . " Give me the money . " I pulled 15 five - dollar bills out of my pocket and gave it to him . " Well , uh . . . see . . . I . . . " she paused for a moment . " I got this copy of the test from an old friend of mine who had Mrs . Meachum a couple of years ago . . . and well . . . I showed it to Brianna and had the idea to copy it for the other kids . . . and to sell it . . . so that way , we could both ace the test and get some money . " " Girls , this is a serious offense . Cheating on a midterm exam , possessing your own copy to sell to other students . . . That 's grounds for expulsion , do you two realize that ? " My mouth dropped . I was hoping for a couple of days in school suspension , something where Terrence wouldn 't find out . If he did . . . I wouldn 't be able to sit for a week . . . not expulsion though . . . I couldn 't get kicked out of school . . . " But I won 't go to those extremes since this is your first offense and the two of you have complied very well . But , I shall do no less than to suspend each of you for three days and you will each receive a failure grade on your midterm exams . " He picked up a pen , and called out my number to me . " Is that your number , Brianna ? " he asked . He picked up the phone and dialed my number . After a minute or two , he hung up . " Is there another number that I can reach him at ? " Uh oh . . . Terrence wasn 't home . . . There was only one other place he could be . " Work , " I muttered , my hands shaking as I covered my face with them and the man called out the number then dialed it , proceeding to ask for a Terrence Carter , then telling him about the serious offense and how much I complied , but he would have to pick me up from school and I was suspended for three days . He then called Stephanie 's parents , repeating the same procedure as he had with me . " You two may wait outside until they get here . Then , I would like to have a conference with them . " We both nodded and I went out of his office , my bottom tingling and happy that it would be able to sit for now . I waited no longer than five minutes when I saw Terrence burst through the door . His face was clouded with anger and I tried my hardest not to break down right there , pleading for mercy . He talked to the secretary for a moment and then the secretary got Mr . Vaughn , and called us both into the office . " Seems as if we 've had a little trouble with Brianna today , " Mr . Vaughn said , obviously pretending that I wasn 't there . Terrence knew I was there , though . He shot me a look that told me I was in for it when we got home . I just gulped and listened . " Apparently , she was caught cheating on her history midterm exam . " He held up the test , my stomach cringing at the sight of it . " She and her friend got this paper from somewhere and copied it down then sold it to other students . Made a lot of money , too , " he said , holding up the bills . " I guess they thought they could get away with it . " He sat up in his chair . " Mr . Carter . . . cheating is a very serious offense at this school , a detention being issued if one student just looks at one answer of someone 's test . For something like this , expulsion is usually necessary , seeing as the student not only cheated , but assisted others in it as well . Bribery , I guess you could call it ? At any rate , I have no other choice than to suspend Brianna for 3 days . I am truly sorry about this , but no other measures could be taken . " Terrence nodded . " Thank you , sir , " he said . " I can assure you that nothing like this will happen again . " He and Mr . Vaughn stood , shaking hands once again . He put a hand on my back and led me out the door where I saw Stephanie and her father seated next to the door . I gave a weak smile and she returned it . Terrence and Mr . Vaughn said goodbye to one another and we walked out the door , me dreading what was going to happen more than ever at this point . " Copying the answers down and selling them to other students . . . " I bet the sorry bastard kept the money for himself , too . " Cheating yourself on it ! What were you doing all night last night when you said you were studying ? " " I know , I know . " I might have needed to shut up , but I was feeling defensive . " It wasn 't a good reason , there IS no good reason . " Good move . " It was stupid . Completely and utterly stupid . And I was dumb to think I could get away with it . I just didn 't figure it would be that big of a deal . . . " " Still , though , Brianna . Cheating is wrong . It 's dishonest . By you cheating on this exam , you could have easily passed the class with an A , but it wouldn 't be a true A . I 'm just disappointed because I didn 't think you would stoop so low as to cheat . True , we don 't always remember to study . But if you don 't study , face the consequences rather than make more for yourself , okay ? " " I admit , I 've cheated a couple of times myself , and I 'm not proud of it at all . I came home with an A on a test and Mom and Dad seemed so proud of me . But , I felt so ashamed because it wasn 't me they were really proud of , it was the kid who sat next to me who actually studied for the test rather than hanging out with his buddies all night like me . But , Brianna . . . I know you 're worth more than that . You 've got a good head on your shoulders and where I can understand you getting a couple of answers from the kid next to you , I can 't even imagine you copying the entire exam and selling the copies . " " It is NOT her fault , Brianna Nicole . " Uh oh , he was adding middle name in there . " I am trying to talk to you about this and all you 're going to do is pop off to me ? " " Brianna , you were just suspended from school , okay ? I 'm not thrilled to death about having to leave work to come up here and get you . You need to respect me , understand ? " I nodded again . " Sorry , " I muttered again . " I know what I did was wrong . . . I shouldn 't have done it . I do feel really bad , " I said , feeling a pit in my stomach . We pulled into the driveway . " I want you to go to your room and wait for me . I 'll be in there in a moment , " he said , then I trotted off to my bedroom , hand shaking , heart beating quickly . I sat on my bed and stared at the wall . It really wasn 't that great of a wall , kind of off - white , cracking a bit . Oh , look , a stain . Where 'd that come from ? The door opened and Terrence came inside . " Brianna , " he began . " I 've already talked to you about what you 've done wrong . Is there anything you 'd like to say ? " I fumbled around inside my head , thinking of something that sounded good and sincere . I didn 't want to say it if it wasn 't sincere . " Well , ah , the only thing I can think to say is what you probably are thinking that I ' ma say , and that 's that I 'm sorry , and I won 't do it again . I really learned my lesson , with being sent to the office , suspended , and then you talked to me about it . . . I know how disappointed you are in me , and I didn 't want to disappoint you like that , I didn 't want to break your trust . But I did , and now I have to accept the consequences . " He nodded slowly . " I guess you already know what your punishment is then ? " he asked . I did , I knew in fact what it would be , although I wished like hell that it wouldn 't be the case . He ignored me . " I have a punishment planned out for you . Since you are suspended for three days , I will get you up every morning at 6am , as if you were going to school , you will help clean the house , help me out in the yard , take a shower , and get a spanking to remind you of why you are at home instead of school . You will write me a one page essay each night on your thoughts about cheating on tests at school , and you will go to bed at 7pm , sharp . No telephone , no computer , no TV . As for right now , I 'm going to spank your bare bottom with this hairbrush , and then you can stay in your room until dinner . That should give you enough time to think about what you 've done . Any questions ? " he asked . He sat down on my bed and I stood up , then he pulled me over his lap , lifted my skirt and tugged my panties down to my knees . I winced as my bare bottom was exposed . I tried to convince myself that I deserved this , but it wouldn 't help the pain at all . He was showing no mercy on my bottom , and at this time I had broken down and began bawling like a baby . " I 'm sorrrrryyyyyy , " I pleaded through tears . " I - - " " Owwwwww , " I whined , sobbing and sobbing over his lap , tears streaming down my face . I couldn 't move , I felt so bad . There was a pain in my stomach from disappointing my brother so much , and there was the pain in my bottom , the result of disappointing him . " I 'm sorrryyyy , " I muttered . " Shhh , shhh , Brianna . It 's okay , " he said , patting my bottom lightly , then lifting me up . " It 's okay , hon . Calm down . " He hugged me tightly until my crying had died down a bit then kissed me on the forehead and left me in the room to think about what I had done until supper . Part of the Oak Grove Academy mini series . Stephanie and her new roomie don 't get along too well , and she lets her anger get out of control . That 's okay , Trey knows how to handle it . My 8th grade year , Oak Grove turned into a private school designed for the arts and music , and of course , academics . The middle school and high school converged and the school moved out into the " boonies " ( as we called it ) . A lot of the staff was dropped and only a few of the better teachers stayed , and most of the students left . Of course , Jade , Abby , and I stayed . We were in it for the music . We actually were quite excited about going to school , for once . It 'd be like a big sleep over , except we couldn 't all share a room . But we 'd at least be next door to one another . And the best part , the three of us all had a scholarship for the school , since we excelled so much in music . The first day of school came along and everything was a mess . Students were lined up at the office with their parents enrolling or getting their transcripts to transfer to another school . The three of us , though , just got our schedules and found our first classes . It was a hectic day of school . A lot of my friends had left , and I had a shiny new handbook that I had to read from cover to cover by the next morning . And of course , this " new " school that had been formed would be a top private school in the state , and also known as a boarding school . Which meant they would be strict . I didn 't like the sound of that . After hanging out with my friends at dinner , I decided to call it a night . I went to my dorm and laid lazily on my bed , getting the handbook and flipping to the front page . I hadn 't met my roommate yet , but her name was Britney and like me , she was an eigth grader . In fact , the hallway that I was on was just for middle schoolers . Our school seemed highly separated from the high school kids , although it was all one . Their dorms were way on the other side of the campus , far away from ours . " HEY ! " a girl said as she barged into my room , throwing her stuff ontop of my desk and slamming the door shut . " I 'm Britney ! " she said , her voice high pitched and squeaky . She flipped her hair then grabbed some clothes and got into the bathroom before I got a chance to say a work , then I heard the water flip on . I sighed , it 'd be okay , I had some patience . I looked back down at the handbook only to be interrupted by music , loud music . Loud music that I didn 't like . . . N Sync , gross . I sighed , letting my patience control my anger . I began reading again , trying my best to ignore that annoying guy 's voice . That is , until she started singing along . I was too lazy to get up though . I finally finished reading page 3 and I got up . " Hey , Britney ? " I said , giving a slight knock on the door . " Can you keep it down in there ? I 'm trying to finish my homework . . " I heard a loud sigh and she turned the music down a notch , not enough to actually make any difference . I sighed back and totted back to my boring handbook . After I read page 6 , I glanced back at the clock again . 9 : 30 . Someone was knocking on the door . I got up and opened it . " Hi ! " the voice said . " I 'm Kimberly , a prefect for the high school . I wanted to let you girls know that it 's lights out ! " Too many happy people , I thought to myself . " Is there somebody in the shower ? " " Okay , " Britney said . " Goodnight , Kimmy ! " She finished drying her hair with a towel and then jumped into her own bed . I heard the door shut and I finally drifted off to sleep . The next morning I awoke to VERY loud music . I pulled the pillow over my head to block out the poor guy 's broken heart , but it wouldn 't go away . " GODDAMMIT ! " I screamed . " DON ' T YOU KNOW HOW TO KEEP THAT SHIT DOWN ! " I growled and rolled over . I had another hour to get ready for school . Maybe annoying girl would be out of the shower soon . I lay in bed , waiting for her to get out . The water shut off , and I heaved a sigh of relief . Perhaps I would get to take a shower afterall . I waited , waited , and waited . At 7 : 20 , 10 minutes before class to begin , annoying girl came out of the bathroom . I had already missed breakfast , which began around 6 : 45 for anyone who wanted any , and ended at 7 : 15 . I ran to the bathroom , stripping my clothing then sighing whenever my body was showered with warm water , for about 2 seconds ! ! ! " That bitch used all the hot water ! " I nearly shrieked . I had to bathe though , I felt very very grimy , especially since she didn 't let me take a shower the night before . I skipped drying my hair , it was 7 : 30 . I dressed in my uniform , grabbed my backpack , then ran to homeroom for attendence and such . The clock in the front of the classroom read 7 : 37 , although I could tell by the stares at me that I was indeed late . " I didn 't get a shower last night , I had to listen to shitty music blaring in my ears , I missed breakfast , I took a cold shower , and I was late to class . NO ! I 'm not okay ! " Our headmaster was a young guy , probably about 26 years old , tall and thin , semi long hair , and glasses . He was definitely something to look at , but stern as hell . I had never personally met him before , but I had seen him , and I knew he wouldn 't take any crap . He thought for a moment . " Okay , I 'll let it slide this time , but for that tardy , you 'll have to go to detention this afternoon . " He wrote me a pass and handed me a detention slip . " Go back to class , and stay out of trouble , okay ? " he said smiling . " I can 't stand this girl , " I said . " All I hear is stupid boybands , she uses all of the hot water , stays in the bathroom for an hour . . . I can 't deal with this , guys . . " " Why don 't you ask Mr . Ross if you can change rooms ? I 'll be willing to share a room with her and you can be with Abby . He seems like a nice enough guy . . " I was breathing heavily and as she tried to get up I knew she was nearly as mad as I was . I shoved her back down and started hitting , punching , biting and clawing . The class began stirring , I could hear talk all around me . Before we barely even got started , Trey was already there , breaking us up . " GET OFF ! " he yelled at me , pulling me away , as I wouldn 't stop hitting her . " STEPHANIE CARTER ! STOP THAT THIS INSTANT ! " he bellowed . I think that 's whenever I finally realized what was happening . I let go , and went back to where Trey was dragging me to , letting Britney regain herself as some students helped her up . I ended up out in the hallway . Trey gave me a very pissed off look . " Stay out here , " he instructed and I stood against the lockers as he went back inside and settled the class down . I was nervous as hell standing out there , waiting for Trey to " talk " to me . After a good 20 minutes of waiting , it was over . The bell rang and the students filed out of the classroom , the last person being Trey . " Come inside , " he said . I met Britney , who was sitting in a desk on the front row , pouting . " Sit . " He paused as I did so . " Now , explain to me what happened , one at a time . " He looked at me . " She took a shower last night , about the time I was going to . I let it slide , figuring whenever you have roommates you have to share the shower . She blared stupid music , and by the time she got out , it was lights out . This morning she woke me up blaring the same crappy music , taking yet ANOTHER shower , and whenever she got out , I hopped in , I had a quick 2 minute cold water shower , I missed breakfast AND I was late for class . And then she 's going to have the nerve to sneer at me ! " " Because you fight her ! " he yelled back . " Now , stop yelling ! I asked for a simple explaination , young lady , not another argument . Did you ever think of resolving this roommate problem by talking to her , or talking to Mr . Ross ? We can get you two different roommates . Okay , Stephanie ? Fighting is definitely not the way to handle this . " He turned to Britney . " Do you have anything to say ? " Britney nodded and scampered out of the room , leaving me to deal with him . I sighed and looked at Trey . " Look , I 'm sorry . . " I began . " I understand that you were . Next time talk to her about it , or talk to Mr . Ross , or even me . Don 't go punching her lights out , okay ? " Trey walked over to the door and shut it . " Fighting is unacceptable , Stephanie , " he said . " You will appear in detention again tomorrow afternoon , since you didn 't have a detention today . " I was going to protest , but decided against it . He sat down in his chair . " Come over my lap now , " he said . " You know fighting is against the rules , and you know what happens whenever you do it . " " No , " he said flatly . " You will be spanked . You 're going to have to learn that there are consequences for your actions . Now , over my lap , Stephanie . " I hesitated but the look he gave me forced my jelly - like legs to walk towards him . My stomach tied into knots . " I - I 'm sorry . . " I muttered , and he pulled me across his lap , then proceeded to lift my skirt up and pull my panties down to my knees . I squirmed a bit from feeling the draft of cool air on my now naked bottom . The last time I had gotten spanked was the time that he caught me with cigarettes . . . and I definitely wasn 't looking forward to this happening again . I could do nothing but cry at this time . It hurt so badly and I was embarassed and ashamed that I had done something so stupid . And Trey was so disappointed in me . I felt so horrible . He laid his hand down on my back . I just lay there , weakly crying , muttering apologies . " It 's okay , Steph . I 'm all finished . It 's over , " he said , picking me up from my position and hugging me . " I don 't want you to do this ever again , okay ? " I nodded . " Now , let 's go talk to Mr . Ross about changing roommates , okay ? " I sighed loudly . " Steph , I just have to go see the movie . . . I 've been waiting forever . . . I can 't believe Terrence won 't let me . . . " Steph shrugged . " Sorry , Bri . . . wish there was something we could do . . . " She paused for a moment , obviously thinking about something . " Hey , how about we ditch class ? I can meet you at the bus stop and then we can hang out at Wal - Mart or something for a few hours , doing absolutely nothing . Then we can go to see the movie at 11 or whatever ? And we can buy the tickets in advance . It wouldn 't be too bad , ya know ? Not too far to walk . " So there it was , our plan to ditch class . And us , being 15 and all , KNEW we wouldn 't get caught , cause we knew everything . So we mapped out our plan and the day of the movie she and I met up at my bus stop and then walked to Wal - Mart . We goofed around in there for a little while , not enough to make anybody notice us or anything though . Finally an hour passed , and then another hour . . . and FINALLY it was 10am , and we walked to the movie theater , which was right next door . We gave them our tickets and sat in the already crowded theater . We had perfect seats , ones right on the side by the wall where we could put our feet up . The spot I ALWAYS sat at , unless someone else had already taken it . " Holy shit , " I muttered . " Steph , hide , " I said , as if we had anywhere to hide . But the theater was kind of big . Of course , Terrence knew EXACTLY where we were seated , cause , as I said , we ALWAYS sat there . " What the hell do you think you 're doing ? " he said , trying to keep it down to a whisper . He grabbed my arm and lifted me up out of the chair , as if he was using no strength at all . I gulped , knowing that his real strength would be used on me later on . I glanced at Stephanie who was nervous as well . . . We sat in the backseat of his car and he drove us both to my house . . . Once we got there , we were ordered to go straight to my room . We did as we were told and sat nervously in my bed . Before too long , Terrence appeared inside with us . " So you skipped school ! " he bellowed . " After I TOLD you that I didn 't want you leaving school to go see it . " He took something out of his pocket . " I guess we won 't be needing these then , huh ? " he said , revealing two tickets to the movie . I looked down at the floor . Great , now the guilt trip . " I bought these tickets because I figured maybe after school today you 'd want to go . But instead you deliberately disobeyed me and went during school . " A knot formed in my stomach . " What do you girls have to say for yourselves ? " I had almost forgotten that Steph was with me . " I 'm sorry , Terrence . . . Please don 't call Steph 's parents , it was my idea . . . " Terrence sighed . I could tell that he was debating inside his head . " Okay , I 'm going to spank Brianna for what she did . . . are you willing to be spanked as well ? " " I don 't know , " I muttered . " I 'm sorry , Terrence . . . " I looked into his deep brown eyes , pleading with him . " Please , don 't spank us . . . please . . . " " I have to , Brianna . Do you realize you could have gotten kidnapped or hurt . . . or something could have happened to me and they would have tried to contact you and they couldn 't ? Anything could have happened . . . I can 't believe you two skipped school in the first place , but after I specifically told you that you couldn 't go this morning . I 'm so disappointed in you . " I nodded , wanting to plead , but not being able to for fear of his dreadful belt . I let my pants fall to my feet , as well as my panties , and then placed myself over his lap , my bare bottom in the air . I was so embarrassed , being spanked in front of my friend . . . " Owwwwwww , " I said , now feeling the full effect as he smacked my sit spots . " I 'm sorryyyyyyy . . I 'm Sorrryyyy , Terrence . . . " " I do not EVER want you to skip school again , young lady . SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK ! ! ! ! Do you understand me , Brianna ? " SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK ! ! ! ! I finally was so drained of my energy I couldn 't kick anymore , just cry . . . cry loudly over Terrence 's knee . He patted my bottom . " It 's okay , Bri . Shhhhh , it 's okay . " He picked me up and cradled me in his arms . " I 'm all finished now , okay ? I don 't want you skipping school again . You worried me . " He lifted me up and then looked towards Stephanie . " Come on , Stephie , your turn . " I could see her shaking with fear and anxiety . After all , it was the first time she had ever been spanked . I , on the other hand , got spanked rather than grounded , like normal people my age . She nodded her head . He told her to drop the pants and panties , but alas , she didn 't . I raised my eyebrows , still crying . I knew saying no to Terrence was a big no no . . . Instead of just waiting it out , he knew she wasn 't going to do it , so he did it for her . He unbuttoned her jeans and let them fall to the ground and then pulled her over his knee and took her panties down exposing her pale bottom . Stephanie was already crying . By this time Stephanie was throwing a fit ! She was kicking and screaming and crying and her bottom was bright red and I knew it was hurting her dearly . I shifted as I watched , my own bottom hurting more . " I 'm sorryyyyyyyyy , " she screamed . Those must be the automatic words when one is being spanked . She nodded and nodded , lying limply over his lap . He lifted her up and hugged her . " It 's okay , it 's all over now . " He scooped me up and cuddled with us both . " I 'm sorry , " he said . " I just wouldn 't want something to happen to you girls , k ? " I 've written over 200 spanking stories since the age of 15 . My work has been featured in CF Publications , and my first full - length ebook ( Spanked by Her Brother ) was published in April 2016 by LSF Publications . I love chatting with people , so feel free to add me on social media and strike up a conversation : ) Outside of spanking , I enjoy traveling , partying , philosophizing , thinking about sociology , guitar hero , roller coasters , and being spontaneous . View my complete profile |
The next day , Mr Griffith helped us retrieve the plane . Or rather , he took with him 15 - 20 men with machetes and they helped by cutting away shrubs and bushes to make a runway . Fortunately , there were no tress in the way , only shrubs . Since I was the most experienced pilot , I flew the plane from there to the airport in Marsabit . In the evening , we had a great party ! In the evening , when we walked over to the building where we should sleep , we had not walked more than ten metres from the main building , when we stopped dead in our steps by a lion 's roar . We could only see a pair of eyes , reflecting the light from the building . The Police Commissioner came running out with a rifle and a lamp , but the lion luckily retreated . The following night , we walked straight into three buffalos that were standing right outside the door . Even that time , we got away scot - free . The biggest problem for the Police Commissioner was the elephants , who roamed around in the area , destroying the small garden that he had struggled to keep alive in the drought . It was with deep regret that we left the nice family a few days later . Our next destination was Nairobi and we arrived there without trouble . Well there , we could read in the East African Standard that we had been missing and that searches for us had been on . We now had to tell the whole story to the press and the next day , there were flaming headlines on the front page about our rescue and our adventures . This trip to Kenya was great , the highlight of my life . We flew on towards Isiolo and then we landed in Nanyuki on the Equator . We stood there in the bar and toasted from the southern part of the globe to the northern part . The Equator ran straight through the bar there . We flew past Mount Kenya and it was very beautiful . Then we arrived in Nairobi . De wrote in the newspapers about the plane that had disappeared . They were of course glad we had got back . We stayed a few days in Nairobi . We stayed in hotel " New Stanley " . It was a one of those " with - it " hotels in Nairobi . All white farmers went there but the coloured people were not allowed in . No , that is how it was during that time , not like in Ethiopia where everyone could come and go everywhere as they liked . Well , about the luggage , we had dinner jackets with us . We know that it was still an English colony , so in all hotels , if you wanted to go for dinner , you had to wear dinner jacket . So we had brought that . White dinner jackets . We also went to a night club , I think it was called " Equator " . To be allowed in , you had to have been to a certain number of countries . Yes , it was rather fun . I remember that the band played " Tequila " - it was a new , popular tune at the time . I was rather fit at that time . Lasse and I used to do handstands on the bar counter , both of us at the same time . The one who first fell had to pay . He was better than I was . I only won once . I was taller than he was so I could reach to put my feet against the ceiling . That was the only time I won . After that , we continued to Mombasa and from there on to Malindi . It was only an around 20 minutes ' flight down to the coast . We had already booked us at the " Eden Roc " hotel . They had a private runway for the guests . Mary came down to Malindi together with Pihlkvist , another Swede . That is where we spent our holiday . Mary had flown with Ethiopian Airlines from Addis Ababa via Nairobi and on to Malindi . This was the only hotel along the coast that had a swimming pool and where you could go for a dip if you wanted to . You did not need a swimming pool , you had the whole sea there ! I think it was one of the best hotels . You could also play squash and rent surfing boards , but we spent most of the time on the beach . Yes , we had a great time there ! We used to meet at breakfast every morning . Pihlkvist was with us . He was one of those funny guys who always came up with funny expressions . If something tasted nice , he used to say " This does not taste of paraffin ! " We were all at the breakfast table , except Pihlkvist , when Mary said " I think this tastes of paraffin … something tastes of paraffin " . We did not think so , but she may have been a bit choosy . After a while , Pihlkvist arrived and sat down at the table , starts eating and say " This does not taste of paraffin ! " It was so funny and also to see how funny Mary looked ! We were later invited to a party at Hotel Sindbad . We had to wear dinner jackets . Lasse and I decided to fly in to Mombasa to buy black socks for our dinner jackets , because we did not have any with us . We took the Auster this time because it did not use as much fuel and the L5 . When we landed at the airport in Mombasa , we met some Englishmen from Nairobi . The also had an Auster . When you were in Africa with two private aeroplanes , you started talking to each other of course . We asked where they were going and they said they were flying south to Jadini beach . " We land on the beach there , so why don 't you come down and have lunch with us ? " " Yes " , said we , " we just have some shopping to do first . We will be there later . How do we find you ? " " You will see us . Just land on the beach " . We went into town and bought socks and a few other things that we needed and then , just before lunchtime , we took the plane and went to meet with the Englishmen . But as it happened , we did not pay attention . We flew too far inland so we missed them and flew past . After a good while , we realised that we had flown too far . Too right , as I noticed that we had had an incredible following wind . I had not thought about that but you notice it when you make a turn . I thought " oops , we are low on fuel , I have to check this " I did not trust the fuel gauge so we had a dipstick . We were planning to land somewhere there and check with the dipstick to see how much fuel we had left , so we could be certain that it was enough . I landed on the beach but the runway was too short , so the plane tipped on the nose and hit the propeller so a piece of it flew off . It was a wooden propeller . So , what do you do when you are stranded out in the bush ? I always had my tools with me . We stood there on the beach , wondering what we had done wrong . We had landed too far up on the beach and the sand was too soft . If I had landed closer to the water , the sand there was packed solid and we would have had as long a runway as we wanted . We could not continue with one long and one short propeller blade . It causes imbalance in the engine . So , what do you do ? I will have to cut the other blade too , I thought . Fortunately I had a hacksaw with me so I set out to repair the blade . While we were standing there , some people came towards us . A couple of beautiful girls , actually . Bare - breasted . De were wondering what was going on . We could of course not talk to them but we showed what we were doing . We cut the long blade so that they were the same length and then we pulled the plane down to the water and decided that we could not stay there . We checked how much fuel we had left and decided that it was enough to take us to the Englishmen . We would certainly find them now ! We will fly along the coastline by the water and then we will see where they are . We were not sure that the plane would work , if it would take off . We had a long runway and I cranked up the engine and it shot up to max rpm because the propellers were short . I could only give half throttle power . We bounced along on the beach and so we finally took off . Lasse laughed . " Look ! We 're flying ! " he said . We flew some distance along the coast but we still did not see the aeroplanes , because they had pulled them in under the palm trees there . We agreed that this had to be it , because we saw tracks and a hotel , so we landed on that beach . I felt that the sand was packed solid and we continued along the beach . Then an Englishman comes walking along the beach . I opened the window . It was one of those hatches that folds outwards and I shouted to him : " Where is Jadini Beach Hotel ? " He starred at us and said : " It 's over there , Sir " and walked on . In the evening we went to the party at " Sindbad " , dressed in our new black socks . I did not drink a lot . Neither did Onni , I think . I never saw Onni drunk , he was a moderate drinker . Though that night another thing happened . I was asleep and in the small hours before dawn , Onni is knocking on my door . " Rundis ! Up , quickly ! You must fly to Mombasa ! " " What ? No , I don 't feel like flying to Mombasa now … " " Yes , now " said Onni and explained . The hotel Manager had gone to bed with a cigarette in his hand and fallen asleep . The mosquito net above the bed had caught fire and he was so bloody burned that he was unconscious . It was essential to get him to the hospital as quickly as possible . Yes , I was game of course . I took the L5 this time ; the propeller was not very good on the Auster . I remember , Onni and Lasse , it was those two who took care of the man and placed him on the backseat of the plane . He was unconscious the whole time . The buckled him in and so I flew to Mombasa while the others informed the ambulance there that I was on my way and asked them to come and collect him at the airport . I went with them to the hospital to see how things were and to talk to the doctor . He said that we had saved the man 's life . He would not have survived unless he had come in to the hospital so quickly . I think I was the most experienced pilot . The others were not so experienced . Onni was a beginner but he got his licence . He was really good at navigation . He was very skilful . What he did later as well , with the Marathon runners . That was really something ! But it was typical of Onni , he helped others to the front and it was he who did the work in the background . It was typical of him . He was a very kind person . I don 't think he was angry ever . No , I never saw him angry ; on the contrary , if something happened , he always stayed calm . Well , when the holiday was over we went flying . First we flew to Mombasa , Dar - el - Salam and then we stayed on Zanzibar , where we went swimming for a couple of days . After that , we flew to Kilimanjaro . Moshi was the name of the airport . Then we went back to Nairobi . From there , we were planning to fly the same route back home as we had flown there . We flew to Marsabit and met up with the Griffith family again and then came the worst part for Onni and Lasse … We stayed over night and started in the morning after breakfast . We had agreed that this time we were not going to miss each other . We were going to keep contact with each other . We should not do as we did last time . But when we had flown a short distance , I see Onni and Lasse start circling and descend . I was wondering what the heck they were doing . I had no idea of what had happened . Suddenly , they just landed , right in the middle of the volcanic landscape ! They found a spot to land on . I don 't understand how - it was unbelievable but at the same time lucky that the found a spot to descend and land on . Well , I will have to land as well , I thought . So I landed on the same spot . It was not very good , bumpy but it worked . " Well , you see " , said Onni , " the engine cut out ! " It had jammed ! ' So they just had to land . It was incredible that they managed the way they had ! Well , what to do now ? Not much choice but to go back to Marsabit . I could only take one person at the time so I said : " I will fly back to Marsabit and leave Aspliden there and then I will come back , pick up one of you and come back later to pick up the other one . Onni was the one to stay till last . That was typical of him , to send the others off first . Well , they had survived , which was good , but we were not home and dry yet ! They had a plane that they could not continue in and I could not take more than one person at the time , so Onni and Lasse were stranded out there in the bush . The next day , Griffith helped out with a lorry and people . It was not so far to the plane , bit still some distance . We all helped to lift the plane up onto the lorry . We took the plane to Marsabit and put it in their garden . I had no other choice than to continue with my passenger . We could not do anything to solve the situation at the moment . We knew they were alive and that they would make it , but it must have been a heck of a trip … to hitch - hike from the middle of Kenya all the way up to Addis . But they did arrive , unshaven but in good spirit . That was the end of the journey . It took eight months before we got a new engine . We ordered a new engine from England , which was sent down to Nairobi in Kenya . I went down , mounted the engine and flew the plane back to Addis . That time I was alone . It turned into an adventure as well … I was not allowed to fly the same route back , so I had to fly an even worse route - back to Nairobi , down to Mombasa and the follow the coast line up to Somaliland - and that was much longer . But we can talk about that some other time … We planned the travel route so that we were flying from Addis Abeba to Marsabit in north Kenya and after that to Nairobi , Mombasa , Malindi , Zanzibar , Dar - el - Salam , Kilimanjaro , Nairobi and back to Addis Abeba . None of the planes had a radio and therefore we could not communicate with each other in the air or with the radio stations at the airports . All we could do in the air was to try to keep together as best we could . And off we went . When we approached the final destination for the first day , Marsabit , we lost sight of the other plane in the heat haze . We began looking for the airport that should be situated somewhere in the midst of the mountain massif . The visibility was bad , due to the low sun being in front of us . We slowly let the plane descent and started preparing for landing , while eagerly looking for the airfield . Without warning , the engine stopped and we lost height rapidly and the airport was still not to be seen anywhere . We were now on the edge of the massif , which on the south side declined towards vast desert areas . Fast action was required ! We decided to stop looking for the airport and instead glide down along the slope in the hope of finding a suitable place for landing . There was a strange silence now that the engine was dead and we soared down like a bird . Then suddenly the engine started whirring again and we breathed out in relief . It only worked for some 20 seconds and then it went quiet again . That kept happening for a couple of minutes and it helped us gain some height over the slope below us , which had now approached precariously . We headed for nearest level ground , but that was still several kilometres away . Then the engine cut out for good and the altimeter showed that we were descending alarmingly fast and got closer and closer to the undulating hill . A couple of thermal winds helped us gain a few metres a couple of times , but … Even the edge of the desert , which we were approaching now , showed to be rather undulated and not at all suitable for landing . Now we were only approximately 40 metres over the ground and we could not keep the plane up any longer , so we would have to land . We landed in a curve to avoid a big sandbank to the right and during the last few metres in the air , the landing gear scraped against the dry shrubs on the edge of the desert . We got down without mishaps but it had been an exciting time . When we stepped out of the plane , a heat like in an oven met us , it was not long before the shirt clung to the body from sweat , and we started feeling thirsty . We had eaten our afternoon snack in the plane an hour back , thinking that we would soon land in Marsabit and did not worry about rationing food and drink . All we had left now was a drop of tea and an egg and we did not dare to touch the tea . We soon discovered that the trouble had been the magnet , but since the sun was going down , we decided to spend the night trying to sleep under the plane . The inside was like a sauna . Darkness fell fast and we stretched out on the warm sand with a seat - cushion each as a pillow . Sleeping was impossible . Loads of insects and bugs irritated us and we had a full time job , trying to get at them under our sticky shirts . In the dark , we heard different sounds from animals that were coming closer , wherefore we preferred to get back into the cabin , even though it was hot and uncomfortable . The next morning we started repairing the magnet . The work took several hours and the heat increased bit by bit . We were so thirsty now , that we avoided talking to each other . The only place where we could get some shade was under the wings , but it was hot even in the shade . During the descent down to the desert the previous day , we had lost quite a lot of petrol , when the float jammed . When we measured , we found that we only had around 17 litres left now , i . e . enough for maybe 40 minutes flying . Would that be enough to warm up the engine and fly up to the mountain top ? We did not think so . We decided to try to figure out our exact position by pacing the distance to a couple of hills that did not look too far away . We walked for hours , but it turned out to be much further than we had estimated , so we had to return to the plane . Our thirst was almost unbearable now and when my friend offered me a Läkerol ( a Swedish throat lozenge ) , that he found in his equipment , it turned many times worse . The lozenge stuck like a lump of pitch in the dry palate . On our stumbling walk back to the plane , we caught sight of a caravan of people in the distance . We hurried towards them as fast as we could , shouting and whistling , but the distance was too great for them to hear us . We had to reach them , we thought . They must have water and it looked like they were carrying burdens on their heads . When we came closer , we saw that they were ostriches , walking in line . From a distance , they looked just like people who were carrying something on their heads . We had to sit down , for the run had made us even more tired , hungry and thirsty . We went as far as to try to hit guinea fowl with stones , where they wandered around in the scrubland . They were walking around only a few metres away , without showing any fear of us . When we got closer , they annoyingly moved away a few metres . We now decided to start the engine and fly northeast , towards the only road , stretching from the south up to Marsabit . After that , we would follow the road as far as we could and possibly try landing on the road and go by foot to Marsabit . The start went well and we reached the road after the calculated 20 minutes flying . The road turned out to be very bad and not suitable for landing . We followed it for some distance and happily spotted a small native village with inhabitants . We now decided to land on best suitable , or maybe I should say " best unsuitable " , spot . Come what may , we needed water . We spotted a little slope and we landed there . That we managed to land without seriously damaging the plane , was more luck than skill . The plane jumped and skipped over tussocks and scrubs and we had to veer to both sides to avoid the small trees . As soon as we had stopped , a bunch of natives gathered around the plane and they looked a bit suspiciously at us , babbling in a language that we did not understand at all . We tried to sign to them that we were thirsty . They led us into the large hut that probably belonged to the chief , and , from an animal hide that hung off the wall , they offered us some dirty brown water that you normally would not want to wash your feet in . This water tasted like a Godsend . All you had to do was to push the flies aside and gulp down several bowls . When I had quenched the worst of the thirst , I took out a cigarette , struck a match and lit it . The natives looked at my cigarette and one of them asked to have one . I gave him matches and a cigarette . He put the match to the cigarette without striking it on the striking surface first . Then he waited for it to start burning , but nothing happened and he looked very bewildered . It surfaced that they had never dealt with matches before . When I later took out a Läkerol lozenge , they wanted to try that . I gave the nearest man one . He sucked it a few times and then passed it on the next man , who did the same and so the lozenge passed round the group . When I later started doing a few tricks for them , the whole assembly came to life . They drove out the remaining sheep and goats that were still in the hut and instead most of the villagers , there were not very many , gathered inside . I swallowed burning matches and cigarettes and they soon regarded me as a big medicine man and now the atmosphere changed to our advantage . Through signing and a few words that they understood , such as " Marsabit " and " police " , I managed to make them understand that I wanted a message sent off to the Police Commissioner in Marsabit . After I had written down a message on a piece of paper , they sent a rider off on a mule . He very soon came back , since he had met a lorry that was on its way south from Marsabit . The driver had promised to take us with him . While we were loading our things onto the lorry , an English military aeroplane came right over us , on its way towards Marsabit . After a while , another one showed up and they caught sight of us and started circling over the place . We understood that they were looking for us and signed to them that all was well . They answered , by sign , that they had comprehended and they continued north . On the way , we saw very many elephants , which was interesting to us , who now saw wild elephants for the first time . We were overjoyed when we arrived in Marsabit . The other plane with the two Swedes had found the airport . They had waited for a while for us to arrive , but had then started searching . The next day , they had even alerted the English Air Force in Nairobi , asking for scouting help , and it was those planes we had seen . After a bath and a change of clothes , dinner tasted splendid and , in front of the open fire , we told them about our adventure . We stayed with the hospitable Police Commissioner and his wife a couple of days , during which we picked up our plane and gave it an overhaul . The first night , when we walked over to the building where we should sleep , we had not walked more than ten metres from the main building , when we stopped dead in our steps by a lion 's roar . We could only see a pair of eyes , reflecting the light from the building . The Police Commissioner came running out with a rifle and a lamp , but the lion luckily retreated . The following night , we walked straight into three buffalos that were standing right outside the door . Even that time , we got away scot - free . The biggest problem for the Police Commissioner was the elephants , who roamed around in the area , destroying the small garden that he had struggled to keep alive in the drought . It was with deep regret that we left the nice family a few days later . Our next destination was Nairobi and we arrived there without trouble . When there , we could read in the East African Standard that we had been missing and that searches for us had been on . We now had to tell the whole story to the press and the next day , there were flaming headlines on the front page about our rescue and our adventures . My wife , who was waiting at the beach hotel in Nyale Beach by the Indian Ocean , did not know anything about what had happened to us until she read about the adventure in the papers . We had decided to go on a trip . It was Onni , Mary , Ingvar Aspliden , Ingvar " Lasse " Larsson and me . We had arranged for permission to fly . We did not have a radio but got permission to fly from Ethiopia . We could not fly direct to Nairobi . There was not a chance to do that because we had to land twice on the way to fill up with fuel . There was no fuel in Ethiopia so we went to Air Force outside Addis . They flew to all sorts of places . We asked them to dump a tank of fuel for us the day before we were to take off , so we could land there and fill up . They did that and it worked very well . I think it was a few days before we set off that we were invited to Haile Selassie at the palace … it was a heck of a party ! They served alcohol . I don 't know how long it was between … I don 't think we flew the day after , he - he . We had to be in good shape when we left . We knew that it was rather a challenge to fly over the mountains there , but in Ethiopia I had flown earlier so there it was not a problem . We flew in pairs so we were in contact with each other all the time . Eye contact , that is . We had decided that earlier so we would not lose contact , since we did not have any radio contact . The first landing was planned for Marsabit in northern Kenya . It was a very special site , I will never forget it , that place … It was situated out in the terrain … there was only one family . He was District Commissioner , Police Colonel , and was from South Africa but of British descent . Mr Griffith was his name . I will never forget him . There was a small airport and that is where we were headed . That was the first stop on the journey , Marsabit in Kenya . Then it happened … we used to take turns flying . Lasse did one distance and then Onni took over for another distance and now I had flown my distance in Ethiopia . Aspliden was a pilot , too , but he did not have a lot of experience . Lasse and I had the most flight experience so we were so to say " in command " , the ones who were in charge should anything happen . There has to be someone in charge . I was sitting in the back and Asplind was a teacher in navigation , so I was convinced that he would do OK . There were no problems so I relaxed . Then suddenly Onni and Lasse disappeared . We could not see them , but there was not point in searching because we only had enough fuel to make it to Marsabit . We had to go on , so we did . But Aspliden could not find the airport , he just could not find it ! We found out why . It happens that , on the map , there is s special sign for mountain that looks like a moon on top of a mountain , but when it is a crater it is a crescent and we had missed that . We saw the crescent but thought it was a mountain . It was a crater where we should have landed but we flew past that airport without seeing it and Aspliden was getting nervous . He wasn 't so experienced and now he thought we had to do an emergency landing . We could not fly until we ran out of fuel . We had to land while we had fuel left . " You have to do this " said Aspliden . " Well " , said I , " it 's not so easy from back here " . Of course I sat in the back and you can 't do any emergency landings from there . " Well , what do we do now then ? Can 't we change places ? " In that cramped cockpit . " Let us try " I said . So I crawled up front and sat on the side . I was folded over in 90 degrees and got hold of the control stick so that Aspliden could crawl over to the back seat . When he got out of the seat , I could sit down and buckle up . then I thought that " now we have to find somewhere to land " . I was rather experienced at " bush landings " . I knew the L5 . I knew that even when the fuel gauge went down to red you could still fly for a good while . Well , at least for another 10 minutes . I could not find a good place and realised I had to find somewhere . Then I saw a road . We got to the road and I thought it had to go to the airport . And sure enough it did , so after a short while I saw the airport . I had found it . I just dived down and landed , without checking wind or anything . I did that because I knew that the engine would cut out any second . And when we had landed and taxed in , the engine cut out . We had just made it ! We had been so occupied with our troubles so we had not had time to think about Onni and Lasse , but now that we had arrived at Marsabit and landed , we started getting worried . They were not there ! What on earth had happened to them , we thought . The Mr Griffith came out and picked us up . It was the first time we met . He invited us to dinner but we were so down in the mouth , thinking that Onni and Lassa had crashed somewhere . The terrain around was very rough with volcanoes and such . I don 't think I slept at all that night . The Griffith family were very nice and hospitable , but we could not appreciate that when our friends were gone . Mr . Griffit to the left and Daniel Rundström to the right Early next morning we reported to the British Air Force in Nairobi that one of our aircrafts was missing . They immediately sent out a plane to search for our friends . Aspliden and I also started combing the area systematically . We thought that they could not be so darn far away . We kept searching all day . Nothing ! " What the heck has happened " we wondered . But during the evening Onni and Lasse arrived by lorry and we were of course incredibly happy ! But where on earth was the plane ? This Auster Onni bought together with Daniel Rundström in the beginning of the fifties . Daniel came to Ethiopia 1946 as a young flight technician and worked at Bishoftu for von Rosen . Daniel is still alive and well and lives at Dominica in east Caribbean . He have given me so many stories from his life that I have material for a book about his fantastic life . He was born 1925 and his dream today is to build an airplane and fly from Dominica to Ethiopia . " That time there in Ethiopia during the 40s and 50s meant a lot to me . I was only 20 years old , not even reached lawful age yet . At that time , you had to apply to the authorities to travel abroad alone if you were not of age . I arrived in Ethiopia in 1946 , just after the war . During the trip there I got to witness all the misery that the war caused in Europe . It started with Amsterdam , where you could see the bomb craters at the airport . Onni was in Ethiopia when I arrived . He had left the military life . I thought that was good . He was made Secretary General of the Red Cross . The thing with Onni was that he was always in the background . He never made a fuss of himself . But he was behind most things . He was very friendly with the Duke of Harrar ( son of Emperor Haile Selassie ) . So was I , since I taught him a bit of technical stuff . He was interested in flying and so was Onni . We bought a plane together , Onni and I . I went to India . Onni was very good friends with Thomson . He was Canadian and worked for the mission there . He was in frequent contact with Onni and it was Onni who hinted a little about me , so that I came to India . I had just got my pilot 's license , Ethiopian certificate , and did not have a lot of experience . I had approximately 80 flight hours behind me . So I went to India and bought an aeroplane . We bought it together , Onni and I , in 1950 . The plane we bought together , I shipped from Bombay to Aden by boat . It did not have a long range . The distances were too long to fly , but I flew another plane , a " Norsman " , from Bombay to Addis Ababa . I landed in Pakistan , in Karachi , and then in Marsays , on the island Masirah outside the Arabian east coast . On to Salalah , that is located between the Persian Gulf and the Gulf of Aden . Salalah was an English protectorate so RAF had an airbase there . From there I flew on to Ethiopia and Addis Ababa . Later , after about a month , the plane that Onni and I bought arrived in Aden . It came in a crate , it was almost new but we got it cheap . You could buy aeroplanes very cheap during those years . I went to Aden and assembled the " cart " and flew it to Addis . About Onni , I would like to say that he had very good organisation skills , he could organise things . It was he who arranged things when IFK Norrköping were in Addis to play football . He arranged it all . It was he who told me to fly over the football ground and drop the ball for kick off , to make it a bit fun , and the Emperor was there . He arranged at lot of things for the Emperor . There were Red Cross parties , motorcycle races . I have a programme from one of those where Onni is listed as organiser . I got along well with Onni . We had a lot of fun together , Onni and I . Later , in the mid 1950 's , I flew with him in a plane from Yemen to Addis Ababa . He had just divorced Mary . She later died before he did . I think she was a plucky girl . I appreciated her , she was fun and always attending all parties . We always had lots of parties in those days . Mary was a very intelligent person . I actually spent rather a lot of time with Onni and Mary . We did a lot of things together . We were out flying this Auster . But the flight we did together , that is the best . To me , that topped everything ! That was really some flight , I can tell you ! I think that is the strongest memory I have of Onni is that trip . We stayed at the same hotel and went swimming at Malindi by the Indian Ocean . Onni did not have a lot of experience as a pilot so I suggested he 'd take a more experienced pilot and good friend of mine with him . Lasse Larsson . Ingvar Larsson was his name but everybody called him Lasse . He and Onni went in the Auster and I flew the L - 5 together with another special person , who is dead now . He was a meteorologist and named Ingvar Aspliden . He got hold of an American woman at the American Embassy in Addis and married her . He eventually ended up in Virginia , USA . The plane that Onni flew certainly had room for four , but we had to take a lot of extra fuel , so Mary had to fly Ethiopian Airlines to Nairobi and then we met up at Malindi . There was another man there when we arrived . Pilkvist was his name and I think that he and Mary had travelled there together . We only met in Malindi and then we separated again . Onni and I flew further south to Dar es Salaam and Zanzibar . On my way home I had met a girl who lived near Kilimanjaro . We landed there on the way because I wanted to see this girl . Then we flew back via Nairobi . But this was the most smashing thing of the trip … but maybe I should start at the beginning … but it was just unbelievable ! " |
The next day , Mr Griffith helped us retrieve the plane . Or rather , he took with him 15 - 20 men with machetes and they helped by cutting away shrubs and bushes to make a runway . Fortunately , there were no tress in the way , only shrubs . Since I was the most experienced pilot , I flew the plane from there to the airport in Marsabit . In the evening , we had a great party ! In the evening , when we walked over to the building where we should sleep , we had not walked more than ten metres from the main building , when we stopped dead in our steps by a lion 's roar . We could only see a pair of eyes , reflecting the light from the building . The Police Commissioner came running out with a rifle and a lamp , but the lion luckily retreated . The following night , we walked straight into three buffalos that were standing right outside the door . Even that time , we got away scot - free . The biggest problem for the Police Commissioner was the elephants , who roamed around in the area , destroying the small garden that he had struggled to keep alive in the drought . It was with deep regret that we left the nice family a few days later . Our next destination was Nairobi and we arrived there without trouble . Well there , we could read in the East African Standard that we had been missing and that searches for us had been on . We now had to tell the whole story to the press and the next day , there were flaming headlines on the front page about our rescue and our adventures . This trip to Kenya was great , the highlight of my life . We flew on towards Isiolo and then we landed in Nanyuki on the Equator . We stood there in the bar and toasted from the southern part of the globe to the northern part . The Equator ran straight through the bar there . We flew past Mount Kenya and it was very beautiful . Then we arrived in Nairobi . De wrote in the newspapers about the plane that had disappeared . They were of course glad we had got back . We stayed a few days in Nairobi . We stayed in hotel " New Stanley " . It was a one of those " with - it " hotels in Nairobi . All white farmers went there but the coloured people were not allowed in . No , that is how it was during that time , not like in Ethiopia where everyone could come and go everywhere as they liked . Well , about the luggage , we had dinner jackets with us . We know that it was still an English colony , so in all hotels , if you wanted to go for dinner , you had to wear dinner jacket . So we had brought that . White dinner jackets . We also went to a night club , I think it was called " Equator " . To be allowed in , you had to have been to a certain number of countries . Yes , it was rather fun . I remember that the band played " Tequila " - it was a new , popular tune at the time . I was rather fit at that time . Lasse and I used to do handstands on the bar counter , both of us at the same time . The one who first fell had to pay . He was better than I was . I only won once . I was taller than he was so I could reach to put my feet against the ceiling . That was the only time I won . After that , we continued to Mombasa and from there on to Malindi . It was only an around 20 minutes ' flight down to the coast . We had already booked us at the " Eden Roc " hotel . They had a private runway for the guests . Mary came down to Malindi together with Pihlkvist , another Swede . That is where we spent our holiday . Mary had flown with Ethiopian Airlines from Addis Ababa via Nairobi and on to Malindi . This was the only hotel along the coast that had a swimming pool and where you could go for a dip if you wanted to . You did not need a swimming pool , you had the whole sea there ! I think it was one of the best hotels . You could also play squash and rent surfing boards , but we spent most of the time on the beach . Yes , we had a great time there ! We used to meet at breakfast every morning . Pihlkvist was with us . He was one of those funny guys who always came up with funny expressions . If something tasted nice , he used to say " This does not taste of paraffin ! " We were all at the breakfast table , except Pihlkvist , when Mary said " I think this tastes of paraffin … something tastes of paraffin " . We did not think so , but she may have been a bit choosy . After a while , Pihlkvist arrived and sat down at the table , starts eating and say " This does not taste of paraffin ! " It was so funny and also to see how funny Mary looked ! We were later invited to a party at Hotel Sindbad . We had to wear dinner jackets . Lasse and I decided to fly in to Mombasa to buy black socks for our dinner jackets , because we did not have any with us . We took the Auster this time because it did not use as much fuel and the L5 . When we landed at the airport in Mombasa , we met some Englishmen from Nairobi . The also had an Auster . When you were in Africa with two private aeroplanes , you started talking to each other of course . We asked where they were going and they said they were flying south to Jadini beach . " We land on the beach there , so why don 't you come down and have lunch with us ? " " Yes " , said we , " we just have some shopping to do first . We will be there later . How do we find you ? " " You will see us . Just land on the beach " . We went into town and bought socks and a few other things that we needed and then , just before lunchtime , we took the plane and went to meet with the Englishmen . But as it happened , we did not pay attention . We flew too far inland so we missed them and flew past . After a good while , we realised that we had flown too far . Too right , as I noticed that we had had an incredible following wind . I had not thought about that but you notice it when you make a turn . I thought " oops , we are low on fuel , I have to check this " I did not trust the fuel gauge so we had a dipstick . We were planning to land somewhere there and check with the dipstick to see how much fuel we had left , so we could be certain that it was enough . I landed on the beach but the runway was too short , so the plane tipped on the nose and hit the propeller so a piece of it flew off . It was a wooden propeller . So , what do you do when you are stranded out in the bush ? I always had my tools with me . We stood there on the beach , wondering what we had done wrong . We had landed too far up on the beach and the sand was too soft . If I had landed closer to the water , the sand there was packed solid and we would have had as long a runway as we wanted . We could not continue with one long and one short propeller blade . It causes imbalance in the engine . So , what do you do ? I will have to cut the other blade too , I thought . Fortunately I had a hacksaw with me so I set out to repair the blade . While we were standing there , some people came towards us . A couple of beautiful girls , actually . Bare - breasted . De were wondering what was going on . We could of course not talk to them but we showed what we were doing . We cut the long blade so that they were the same length and then we pulled the plane down to the water and decided that we could not stay there . We checked how much fuel we had left and decided that it was enough to take us to the Englishmen . We would certainly find them now ! We will fly along the coastline by the water and then we will see where they are . We were not sure that the plane would work , if it would take off . We had a long runway and I cranked up the engine and it shot up to max rpm because the propellers were short . I could only give half throttle power . We bounced along on the beach and so we finally took off . Lasse laughed . " Look ! We 're flying ! " he said . We flew some distance along the coast but we still did not see the aeroplanes , because they had pulled them in under the palm trees there . We agreed that this had to be it , because we saw tracks and a hotel , so we landed on that beach . I felt that the sand was packed solid and we continued along the beach . Then an Englishman comes walking along the beach . I opened the window . It was one of those hatches that folds outwards and I shouted to him : " Where is Jadini Beach Hotel ? " He starred at us and said : " It 's over there , Sir " and walked on . In the evening we went to the party at " Sindbad " , dressed in our new black socks . I did not drink a lot . Neither did Onni , I think . I never saw Onni drunk , he was a moderate drinker . Though that night another thing happened . I was asleep and in the small hours before dawn , Onni is knocking on my door . " Rundis ! Up , quickly ! You must fly to Mombasa ! " " What ? No , I don 't feel like flying to Mombasa now … " " Yes , now " said Onni and explained . The hotel Manager had gone to bed with a cigarette in his hand and fallen asleep . The mosquito net above the bed had caught fire and he was so bloody burned that he was unconscious . It was essential to get him to the hospital as quickly as possible . Yes , I was game of course . I took the L5 this time ; the propeller was not very good on the Auster . I remember , Onni and Lasse , it was those two who took care of the man and placed him on the backseat of the plane . He was unconscious the whole time . The buckled him in and so I flew to Mombasa while the others informed the ambulance there that I was on my way and asked them to come and collect him at the airport . I went with them to the hospital to see how things were and to talk to the doctor . He said that we had saved the man 's life . He would not have survived unless he had come in to the hospital so quickly . I think I was the most experienced pilot . The others were not so experienced . Onni was a beginner but he got his licence . He was really good at navigation . He was very skilful . What he did later as well , with the Marathon runners . That was really something ! But it was typical of Onni , he helped others to the front and it was he who did the work in the background . It was typical of him . He was a very kind person . I don 't think he was angry ever . No , I never saw him angry ; on the contrary , if something happened , he always stayed calm . Well , when the holiday was over we went flying . First we flew to Mombasa , Dar - el - Salam and then we stayed on Zanzibar , where we went swimming for a couple of days . After that , we flew to Kilimanjaro . Moshi was the name of the airport . Then we went back to Nairobi . From there , we were planning to fly the same route back home as we had flown there . We flew to Marsabit and met up with the Griffith family again and then came the worst part for Onni and Lasse … We stayed over night and started in the morning after breakfast . We had agreed that this time we were not going to miss each other . We were going to keep contact with each other . We should not do as we did last time . But when we had flown a short distance , I see Onni and Lasse start circling and descend . I was wondering what the heck they were doing . I had no idea of what had happened . Suddenly , they just landed , right in the middle of the volcanic landscape ! They found a spot to land on . I don 't understand how - it was unbelievable but at the same time lucky that the found a spot to descend and land on . Well , I will have to land as well , I thought . So I landed on the same spot . It was not very good , bumpy but it worked . " Well , you see " , said Onni , " the engine cut out ! " It had jammed ! ' So they just had to land . It was incredible that they managed the way they had ! Well , what to do now ? Not much choice but to go back to Marsabit . I could only take one person at the time so I said : " I will fly back to Marsabit and leave Aspliden there and then I will come back , pick up one of you and come back later to pick up the other one . Onni was the one to stay till last . That was typical of him , to send the others off first . Well , they had survived , which was good , but we were not home and dry yet ! They had a plane that they could not continue in and I could not take more than one person at the time , so Onni and Lasse were stranded out there in the bush . The next day , Griffith helped out with a lorry and people . It was not so far to the plane , bit still some distance . We all helped to lift the plane up onto the lorry . We took the plane to Marsabit and put it in their garden . I had no other choice than to continue with my passenger . We could not do anything to solve the situation at the moment . We knew they were alive and that they would make it , but it must have been a heck of a trip … to hitch - hike from the middle of Kenya all the way up to Addis . But they did arrive , unshaven but in good spirit . That was the end of the journey . It took eight months before we got a new engine . We ordered a new engine from England , which was sent down to Nairobi in Kenya . I went down , mounted the engine and flew the plane back to Addis . That time I was alone . It turned into an adventure as well … I was not allowed to fly the same route back , so I had to fly an even worse route - back to Nairobi , down to Mombasa and the follow the coast line up to Somaliland - and that was much longer . But we can talk about that some other time … We planned the travel route so that we were flying from Addis Abeba to Marsabit in north Kenya and after that to Nairobi , Mombasa , Malindi , Zanzibar , Dar - el - Salam , Kilimanjaro , Nairobi and back to Addis Abeba . None of the planes had a radio and therefore we could not communicate with each other in the air or with the radio stations at the airports . All we could do in the air was to try to keep together as best we could . And off we went . When we approached the final destination for the first day , Marsabit , we lost sight of the other plane in the heat haze . We began looking for the airport that should be situated somewhere in the midst of the mountain massif . The visibility was bad , due to the low sun being in front of us . We slowly let the plane descent and started preparing for landing , while eagerly looking for the airfield . Without warning , the engine stopped and we lost height rapidly and the airport was still not to be seen anywhere . We were now on the edge of the massif , which on the south side declined towards vast desert areas . Fast action was required ! We decided to stop looking for the airport and instead glide down along the slope in the hope of finding a suitable place for landing . There was a strange silence now that the engine was dead and we soared down like a bird . Then suddenly the engine started whirring again and we breathed out in relief . It only worked for some 20 seconds and then it went quiet again . That kept happening for a couple of minutes and it helped us gain some height over the slope below us , which had now approached precariously . We headed for nearest level ground , but that was still several kilometres away . Then the engine cut out for good and the altimeter showed that we were descending alarmingly fast and got closer and closer to the undulating hill . A couple of thermal winds helped us gain a few metres a couple of times , but … Even the edge of the desert , which we were approaching now , showed to be rather undulated and not at all suitable for landing . Now we were only approximately 40 metres over the ground and we could not keep the plane up any longer , so we would have to land . We landed in a curve to avoid a big sandbank to the right and during the last few metres in the air , the landing gear scraped against the dry shrubs on the edge of the desert . We got down without mishaps but it had been an exciting time . When we stepped out of the plane , a heat like in an oven met us , it was not long before the shirt clung to the body from sweat , and we started feeling thirsty . We had eaten our afternoon snack in the plane an hour back , thinking that we would soon land in Marsabit and did not worry about rationing food and drink . All we had left now was a drop of tea and an egg and we did not dare to touch the tea . We soon discovered that the trouble had been the magnet , but since the sun was going down , we decided to spend the night trying to sleep under the plane . The inside was like a sauna . Darkness fell fast and we stretched out on the warm sand with a seat - cushion each as a pillow . Sleeping was impossible . Loads of insects and bugs irritated us and we had a full time job , trying to get at them under our sticky shirts . In the dark , we heard different sounds from animals that were coming closer , wherefore we preferred to get back into the cabin , even though it was hot and uncomfortable . The next morning we started repairing the magnet . The work took several hours and the heat increased bit by bit . We were so thirsty now , that we avoided talking to each other . The only place where we could get some shade was under the wings , but it was hot even in the shade . During the descent down to the desert the previous day , we had lost quite a lot of petrol , when the float jammed . When we measured , we found that we only had around 17 litres left now , i . e . enough for maybe 40 minutes flying . Would that be enough to warm up the engine and fly up to the mountain top ? We did not think so . We decided to try to figure out our exact position by pacing the distance to a couple of hills that did not look too far away . We walked for hours , but it turned out to be much further than we had estimated , so we had to return to the plane . Our thirst was almost unbearable now and when my friend offered me a Läkerol ( a Swedish throat lozenge ) , that he found in his equipment , it turned many times worse . The lozenge stuck like a lump of pitch in the dry palate . On our stumbling walk back to the plane , we caught sight of a caravan of people in the distance . We hurried towards them as fast as we could , shouting and whistling , but the distance was too great for them to hear us . We had to reach them , we thought . They must have water and it looked like they were carrying burdens on their heads . When we came closer , we saw that they were ostriches , walking in line . From a distance , they looked just like people who were carrying something on their heads . We had to sit down , for the run had made us even more tired , hungry and thirsty . We went as far as to try to hit guinea fowl with stones , where they wandered around in the scrubland . They were walking around only a few metres away , without showing any fear of us . When we got closer , they annoyingly moved away a few metres . We now decided to start the engine and fly northeast , towards the only road , stretching from the south up to Marsabit . After that , we would follow the road as far as we could and possibly try landing on the road and go by foot to Marsabit . The start went well and we reached the road after the calculated 20 minutes flying . The road turned out to be very bad and not suitable for landing . We followed it for some distance and happily spotted a small native village with inhabitants . We now decided to land on best suitable , or maybe I should say " best unsuitable " , spot . Come what may , we needed water . We spotted a little slope and we landed there . That we managed to land without seriously damaging the plane , was more luck than skill . The plane jumped and skipped over tussocks and scrubs and we had to veer to both sides to avoid the small trees . As soon as we had stopped , a bunch of natives gathered around the plane and they looked a bit suspiciously at us , babbling in a language that we did not understand at all . We tried to sign to them that we were thirsty . They led us into the large hut that probably belonged to the chief , and , from an animal hide that hung off the wall , they offered us some dirty brown water that you normally would not want to wash your feet in . This water tasted like a Godsend . All you had to do was to push the flies aside and gulp down several bowls . When I had quenched the worst of the thirst , I took out a cigarette , struck a match and lit it . The natives looked at my cigarette and one of them asked to have one . I gave him matches and a cigarette . He put the match to the cigarette without striking it on the striking surface first . Then he waited for it to start burning , but nothing happened and he looked very bewildered . It surfaced that they had never dealt with matches before . When I later took out a Läkerol lozenge , they wanted to try that . I gave the nearest man one . He sucked it a few times and then passed it on the next man , who did the same and so the lozenge passed round the group . When I later started doing a few tricks for them , the whole assembly came to life . They drove out the remaining sheep and goats that were still in the hut and instead most of the villagers , there were not very many , gathered inside . I swallowed burning matches and cigarettes and they soon regarded me as a big medicine man and now the atmosphere changed to our advantage . Through signing and a few words that they understood , such as " Marsabit " and " police " , I managed to make them understand that I wanted a message sent off to the Police Commissioner in Marsabit . After I had written down a message on a piece of paper , they sent a rider off on a mule . He very soon came back , since he had met a lorry that was on its way south from Marsabit . The driver had promised to take us with him . While we were loading our things onto the lorry , an English military aeroplane came right over us , on its way towards Marsabit . After a while , another one showed up and they caught sight of us and started circling over the place . We understood that they were looking for us and signed to them that all was well . They answered , by sign , that they had comprehended and they continued north . On the way , we saw very many elephants , which was interesting to us , who now saw wild elephants for the first time . We were overjoyed when we arrived in Marsabit . The other plane with the two Swedes had found the airport . They had waited for a while for us to arrive , but had then started searching . The next day , they had even alerted the English Air Force in Nairobi , asking for scouting help , and it was those planes we had seen . After a bath and a change of clothes , dinner tasted splendid and , in front of the open fire , we told them about our adventure . We stayed with the hospitable Police Commissioner and his wife a couple of days , during which we picked up our plane and gave it an overhaul . The first night , when we walked over to the building where we should sleep , we had not walked more than ten metres from the main building , when we stopped dead in our steps by a lion 's roar . We could only see a pair of eyes , reflecting the light from the building . The Police Commissioner came running out with a rifle and a lamp , but the lion luckily retreated . The following night , we walked straight into three buffalos that were standing right outside the door . Even that time , we got away scot - free . The biggest problem for the Police Commissioner was the elephants , who roamed around in the area , destroying the small garden that he had struggled to keep alive in the drought . It was with deep regret that we left the nice family a few days later . Our next destination was Nairobi and we arrived there without trouble . When there , we could read in the East African Standard that we had been missing and that searches for us had been on . We now had to tell the whole story to the press and the next day , there were flaming headlines on the front page about our rescue and our adventures . My wife , who was waiting at the beach hotel in Nyale Beach by the Indian Ocean , did not know anything about what had happened to us until she read about the adventure in the papers . We had decided to go on a trip . It was Onni , Mary , Ingvar Aspliden , Ingvar " Lasse " Larsson and me . We had arranged for permission to fly . We did not have a radio but got permission to fly from Ethiopia . We could not fly direct to Nairobi . There was not a chance to do that because we had to land twice on the way to fill up with fuel . There was no fuel in Ethiopia so we went to Air Force outside Addis . They flew to all sorts of places . We asked them to dump a tank of fuel for us the day before we were to take off , so we could land there and fill up . They did that and it worked very well . I think it was a few days before we set off that we were invited to Haile Selassie at the palace … it was a heck of a party ! They served alcohol . I don 't know how long it was between … I don 't think we flew the day after , he - he . We had to be in good shape when we left . We knew that it was rather a challenge to fly over the mountains there , but in Ethiopia I had flown earlier so there it was not a problem . We flew in pairs so we were in contact with each other all the time . Eye contact , that is . We had decided that earlier so we would not lose contact , since we did not have any radio contact . The first landing was planned for Marsabit in northern Kenya . It was a very special site , I will never forget it , that place … It was situated out in the terrain … there was only one family . He was District Commissioner , Police Colonel , and was from South Africa but of British descent . Mr Griffith was his name . I will never forget him . There was a small airport and that is where we were headed . That was the first stop on the journey , Marsabit in Kenya . Then it happened … we used to take turns flying . Lasse did one distance and then Onni took over for another distance and now I had flown my distance in Ethiopia . Aspliden was a pilot , too , but he did not have a lot of experience . Lasse and I had the most flight experience so we were so to say " in command " , the ones who were in charge should anything happen . There has to be someone in charge . I was sitting in the back and Asplind was a teacher in navigation , so I was convinced that he would do OK . There were no problems so I relaxed . Then suddenly Onni and Lasse disappeared . We could not see them , but there was not point in searching because we only had enough fuel to make it to Marsabit . We had to go on , so we did . But Aspliden could not find the airport , he just could not find it ! We found out why . It happens that , on the map , there is s special sign for mountain that looks like a moon on top of a mountain , but when it is a crater it is a crescent and we had missed that . We saw the crescent but thought it was a mountain . It was a crater where we should have landed but we flew past that airport without seeing it and Aspliden was getting nervous . He wasn 't so experienced and now he thought we had to do an emergency landing . We could not fly until we ran out of fuel . We had to land while we had fuel left . " You have to do this " said Aspliden . " Well " , said I , " it 's not so easy from back here " . Of course I sat in the back and you can 't do any emergency landings from there . " Well , what do we do now then ? Can 't we change places ? " In that cramped cockpit . " Let us try " I said . So I crawled up front and sat on the side . I was folded over in 90 degrees and got hold of the control stick so that Aspliden could crawl over to the back seat . When he got out of the seat , I could sit down and buckle up . then I thought that " now we have to find somewhere to land " . I was rather experienced at " bush landings " . I knew the L5 . I knew that even when the fuel gauge went down to red you could still fly for a good while . Well , at least for another 10 minutes . I could not find a good place and realised I had to find somewhere . Then I saw a road . We got to the road and I thought it had to go to the airport . And sure enough it did , so after a short while I saw the airport . I had found it . I just dived down and landed , without checking wind or anything . I did that because I knew that the engine would cut out any second . And when we had landed and taxed in , the engine cut out . We had just made it ! We had been so occupied with our troubles so we had not had time to think about Onni and Lasse , but now that we had arrived at Marsabit and landed , we started getting worried . They were not there ! What on earth had happened to them , we thought . The Mr Griffith came out and picked us up . It was the first time we met . He invited us to dinner but we were so down in the mouth , thinking that Onni and Lassa had crashed somewhere . The terrain around was very rough with volcanoes and such . I don 't think I slept at all that night . The Griffith family were very nice and hospitable , but we could not appreciate that when our friends were gone . Mr . Griffit to the left and Daniel Rundström to the right Early next morning we reported to the British Air Force in Nairobi that one of our aircrafts was missing . They immediately sent out a plane to search for our friends . Aspliden and I also started combing the area systematically . We thought that they could not be so darn far away . We kept searching all day . Nothing ! " What the heck has happened " we wondered . But during the evening Onni and Lasse arrived by lorry and we were of course incredibly happy ! But where on earth was the plane ? This Auster Onni bought together with Daniel Rundström in the beginning of the fifties . Daniel came to Ethiopia 1946 as a young flight technician and worked at Bishoftu for von Rosen . Daniel is still alive and well and lives at Dominica in east Caribbean . He have given me so many stories from his life that I have material for a book about his fantastic life . He was born 1925 and his dream today is to build an airplane and fly from Dominica to Ethiopia . " That time there in Ethiopia during the 40s and 50s meant a lot to me . I was only 20 years old , not even reached lawful age yet . At that time , you had to apply to the authorities to travel abroad alone if you were not of age . I arrived in Ethiopia in 1946 , just after the war . During the trip there I got to witness all the misery that the war caused in Europe . It started with Amsterdam , where you could see the bomb craters at the airport . Onni was in Ethiopia when I arrived . He had left the military life . I thought that was good . He was made Secretary General of the Red Cross . The thing with Onni was that he was always in the background . He never made a fuss of himself . But he was behind most things . He was very friendly with the Duke of Harrar ( son of Emperor Haile Selassie ) . So was I , since I taught him a bit of technical stuff . He was interested in flying and so was Onni . We bought a plane together , Onni and I . I went to India . Onni was very good friends with Thomson . He was Canadian and worked for the mission there . He was in frequent contact with Onni and it was Onni who hinted a little about me , so that I came to India . I had just got my pilot 's license , Ethiopian certificate , and did not have a lot of experience . I had approximately 80 flight hours behind me . So I went to India and bought an aeroplane . We bought it together , Onni and I , in 1950 . The plane we bought together , I shipped from Bombay to Aden by boat . It did not have a long range . The distances were too long to fly , but I flew another plane , a " Norsman " , from Bombay to Addis Ababa . I landed in Pakistan , in Karachi , and then in Marsays , on the island Masirah outside the Arabian east coast . On to Salalah , that is located between the Persian Gulf and the Gulf of Aden . Salalah was an English protectorate so RAF had an airbase there . From there I flew on to Ethiopia and Addis Ababa . Later , after about a month , the plane that Onni and I bought arrived in Aden . It came in a crate , it was almost new but we got it cheap . You could buy aeroplanes very cheap during those years . I went to Aden and assembled the " cart " and flew it to Addis . About Onni , I would like to say that he had very good organisation skills , he could organise things . It was he who arranged things when IFK Norrköping were in Addis to play football . He arranged it all . It was he who told me to fly over the football ground and drop the ball for kick off , to make it a bit fun , and the Emperor was there . He arranged at lot of things for the Emperor . There were Red Cross parties , motorcycle races . I have a programme from one of those where Onni is listed as organiser . I got along well with Onni . We had a lot of fun together , Onni and I . Later , in the mid 1950 's , I flew with him in a plane from Yemen to Addis Ababa . He had just divorced Mary . She later died before he did . I think she was a plucky girl . I appreciated her , she was fun and always attending all parties . We always had lots of parties in those days . Mary was a very intelligent person . I actually spent rather a lot of time with Onni and Mary . We did a lot of things together . We were out flying this Auster . But the flight we did together , that is the best . To me , that topped everything ! That was really some flight , I can tell you ! I think that is the strongest memory I have of Onni is that trip . We stayed at the same hotel and went swimming at Malindi by the Indian Ocean . Onni did not have a lot of experience as a pilot so I suggested he 'd take a more experienced pilot and good friend of mine with him . Lasse Larsson . Ingvar Larsson was his name but everybody called him Lasse . He and Onni went in the Auster and I flew the L - 5 together with another special person , who is dead now . He was a meteorologist and named Ingvar Aspliden . He got hold of an American woman at the American Embassy in Addis and married her . He eventually ended up in Virginia , USA . The plane that Onni flew certainly had room for four , but we had to take a lot of extra fuel , so Mary had to fly Ethiopian Airlines to Nairobi and then we met up at Malindi . There was another man there when we arrived . Pilkvist was his name and I think that he and Mary had travelled there together . We only met in Malindi and then we separated again . Onni and I flew further south to Dar es Salaam and Zanzibar . On my way home I had met a girl who lived near Kilimanjaro . We landed there on the way because I wanted to see this girl . Then we flew back via Nairobi . But this was the most smashing thing of the trip … but maybe I should start at the beginning … but it was just unbelievable ! " |
The next day , Mr Griffith helped us retrieve the plane . Or rather , he took with him 15 - 20 men with machetes and they helped by cutting away shrubs and bushes to make a runway . Fortunately , there were no tress in the way , only shrubs . Since I was the most experienced pilot , I flew the plane from there to the airport in Marsabit . In the evening , we had a great party ! In the evening , when we walked over to the building where we should sleep , we had not walked more than ten metres from the main building , when we stopped dead in our steps by a lion 's roar . We could only see a pair of eyes , reflecting the light from the building . The Police Commissioner came running out with a rifle and a lamp , but the lion luckily retreated . The following night , we walked straight into three buffalos that were standing right outside the door . Even that time , we got away scot - free . The biggest problem for the Police Commissioner was the elephants , who roamed around in the area , destroying the small garden that he had struggled to keep alive in the drought . It was with deep regret that we left the nice family a few days later . Our next destination was Nairobi and we arrived there without trouble . Well there , we could read in the East African Standard that we had been missing and that searches for us had been on . We now had to tell the whole story to the press and the next day , there were flaming headlines on the front page about our rescue and our adventures . This trip to Kenya was great , the highlight of my life . We flew on towards Isiolo and then we landed in Nanyuki on the Equator . We stood there in the bar and toasted from the southern part of the globe to the northern part . The Equator ran straight through the bar there . We flew past Mount Kenya and it was very beautiful . Then we arrived in Nairobi . De wrote in the newspapers about the plane that had disappeared . They were of course glad we had got back . We stayed a few days in Nairobi . We stayed in hotel " New Stanley " . It was a one of those " with - it " hotels in Nairobi . All white farmers went there but the coloured people were not allowed in . No , that is how it was during that time , not like in Ethiopia where everyone could come and go everywhere as they liked . Well , about the luggage , we had dinner jackets with us . We know that it was still an English colony , so in all hotels , if you wanted to go for dinner , you had to wear dinner jacket . So we had brought that . White dinner jackets . We also went to a night club , I think it was called " Equator " . To be allowed in , you had to have been to a certain number of countries . Yes , it was rather fun . I remember that the band played " Tequila " - it was a new , popular tune at the time . I was rather fit at that time . Lasse and I used to do handstands on the bar counter , both of us at the same time . The one who first fell had to pay . He was better than I was . I only won once . I was taller than he was so I could reach to put my feet against the ceiling . That was the only time I won . After that , we continued to Mombasa and from there on to Malindi . It was only an around 20 minutes ' flight down to the coast . We had already booked us at the " Eden Roc " hotel . They had a private runway for the guests . Mary came down to Malindi together with Pihlkvist , another Swede . That is where we spent our holiday . Mary had flown with Ethiopian Airlines from Addis Ababa via Nairobi and on to Malindi . This was the only hotel along the coast that had a swimming pool and where you could go for a dip if you wanted to . You did not need a swimming pool , you had the whole sea there ! I think it was one of the best hotels . You could also play squash and rent surfing boards , but we spent most of the time on the beach . Yes , we had a great time there ! We used to meet at breakfast every morning . Pihlkvist was with us . He was one of those funny guys who always came up with funny expressions . If something tasted nice , he used to say " This does not taste of paraffin ! " We were all at the breakfast table , except Pihlkvist , when Mary said " I think this tastes of paraffin … something tastes of paraffin " . We did not think so , but she may have been a bit choosy . After a while , Pihlkvist arrived and sat down at the table , starts eating and say " This does not taste of paraffin ! " It was so funny and also to see how funny Mary looked ! We were later invited to a party at Hotel Sindbad . We had to wear dinner jackets . Lasse and I decided to fly in to Mombasa to buy black socks for our dinner jackets , because we did not have any with us . We took the Auster this time because it did not use as much fuel and the L5 . When we landed at the airport in Mombasa , we met some Englishmen from Nairobi . The also had an Auster . When you were in Africa with two private aeroplanes , you started talking to each other of course . We asked where they were going and they said they were flying south to Jadini beach . " We land on the beach there , so why don 't you come down and have lunch with us ? " " Yes " , said we , " we just have some shopping to do first . We will be there later . How do we find you ? " " You will see us . Just land on the beach " . We went into town and bought socks and a few other things that we needed and then , just before lunchtime , we took the plane and went to meet with the Englishmen . But as it happened , we did not pay attention . We flew too far inland so we missed them and flew past . After a good while , we realised that we had flown too far . Too right , as I noticed that we had had an incredible following wind . I had not thought about that but you notice it when you make a turn . I thought " oops , we are low on fuel , I have to check this " I did not trust the fuel gauge so we had a dipstick . We were planning to land somewhere there and check with the dipstick to see how much fuel we had left , so we could be certain that it was enough . I landed on the beach but the runway was too short , so the plane tipped on the nose and hit the propeller so a piece of it flew off . It was a wooden propeller . So , what do you do when you are stranded out in the bush ? I always had my tools with me . We stood there on the beach , wondering what we had done wrong . We had landed too far up on the beach and the sand was too soft . If I had landed closer to the water , the sand there was packed solid and we would have had as long a runway as we wanted . We could not continue with one long and one short propeller blade . It causes imbalance in the engine . So , what do you do ? I will have to cut the other blade too , I thought . Fortunately I had a hacksaw with me so I set out to repair the blade . While we were standing there , some people came towards us . A couple of beautiful girls , actually . Bare - breasted . De were wondering what was going on . We could of course not talk to them but we showed what we were doing . We cut the long blade so that they were the same length and then we pulled the plane down to the water and decided that we could not stay there . We checked how much fuel we had left and decided that it was enough to take us to the Englishmen . We would certainly find them now ! We will fly along the coastline by the water and then we will see where they are . We were not sure that the plane would work , if it would take off . We had a long runway and I cranked up the engine and it shot up to max rpm because the propellers were short . I could only give half throttle power . We bounced along on the beach and so we finally took off . Lasse laughed . " Look ! We 're flying ! " he said . We flew some distance along the coast but we still did not see the aeroplanes , because they had pulled them in under the palm trees there . We agreed that this had to be it , because we saw tracks and a hotel , so we landed on that beach . I felt that the sand was packed solid and we continued along the beach . Then an Englishman comes walking along the beach . I opened the window . It was one of those hatches that folds outwards and I shouted to him : " Where is Jadini Beach Hotel ? " He starred at us and said : " It 's over there , Sir " and walked on . In the evening we went to the party at " Sindbad " , dressed in our new black socks . I did not drink a lot . Neither did Onni , I think . I never saw Onni drunk , he was a moderate drinker . Though that night another thing happened . I was asleep and in the small hours before dawn , Onni is knocking on my door . " Rundis ! Up , quickly ! You must fly to Mombasa ! " " What ? No , I don 't feel like flying to Mombasa now … " " Yes , now " said Onni and explained . The hotel Manager had gone to bed with a cigarette in his hand and fallen asleep . The mosquito net above the bed had caught fire and he was so bloody burned that he was unconscious . It was essential to get him to the hospital as quickly as possible . Yes , I was game of course . I took the L5 this time ; the propeller was not very good on the Auster . I remember , Onni and Lasse , it was those two who took care of the man and placed him on the backseat of the plane . He was unconscious the whole time . The buckled him in and so I flew to Mombasa while the others informed the ambulance there that I was on my way and asked them to come and collect him at the airport . I went with them to the hospital to see how things were and to talk to the doctor . He said that we had saved the man 's life . He would not have survived unless he had come in to the hospital so quickly . I think I was the most experienced pilot . The others were not so experienced . Onni was a beginner but he got his licence . He was really good at navigation . He was very skilful . What he did later as well , with the Marathon runners . That was really something ! But it was typical of Onni , he helped others to the front and it was he who did the work in the background . It was typical of him . He was a very kind person . I don 't think he was angry ever . No , I never saw him angry ; on the contrary , if something happened , he always stayed calm . Well , when the holiday was over we went flying . First we flew to Mombasa , Dar - el - Salam and then we stayed on Zanzibar , where we went swimming for a couple of days . After that , we flew to Kilimanjaro . Moshi was the name of the airport . Then we went back to Nairobi . From there , we were planning to fly the same route back home as we had flown there . We flew to Marsabit and met up with the Griffith family again and then came the worst part for Onni and Lasse … We stayed over night and started in the morning after breakfast . We had agreed that this time we were not going to miss each other . We were going to keep contact with each other . We should not do as we did last time . But when we had flown a short distance , I see Onni and Lasse start circling and descend . I was wondering what the heck they were doing . I had no idea of what had happened . Suddenly , they just landed , right in the middle of the volcanic landscape ! They found a spot to land on . I don 't understand how - it was unbelievable but at the same time lucky that the found a spot to descend and land on . Well , I will have to land as well , I thought . So I landed on the same spot . It was not very good , bumpy but it worked . " Well , you see " , said Onni , " the engine cut out ! " It had jammed ! ' So they just had to land . It was incredible that they managed the way they had ! Well , what to do now ? Not much choice but to go back to Marsabit . I could only take one person at the time so I said : " I will fly back to Marsabit and leave Aspliden there and then I will come back , pick up one of you and come back later to pick up the other one . Onni was the one to stay till last . That was typical of him , to send the others off first . Well , they had survived , which was good , but we were not home and dry yet ! They had a plane that they could not continue in and I could not take more than one person at the time , so Onni and Lasse were stranded out there in the bush . The next day , Griffith helped out with a lorry and people . It was not so far to the plane , bit still some distance . We all helped to lift the plane up onto the lorry . We took the plane to Marsabit and put it in their garden . I had no other choice than to continue with my passenger . We could not do anything to solve the situation at the moment . We knew they were alive and that they would make it , but it must have been a heck of a trip … to hitch - hike from the middle of Kenya all the way up to Addis . But they did arrive , unshaven but in good spirit . That was the end of the journey . It took eight months before we got a new engine . We ordered a new engine from England , which was sent down to Nairobi in Kenya . I went down , mounted the engine and flew the plane back to Addis . That time I was alone . It turned into an adventure as well … I was not allowed to fly the same route back , so I had to fly an even worse route - back to Nairobi , down to Mombasa and the follow the coast line up to Somaliland - and that was much longer . But we can talk about that some other time … We planned the travel route so that we were flying from Addis Abeba to Marsabit in north Kenya and after that to Nairobi , Mombasa , Malindi , Zanzibar , Dar - el - Salam , Kilimanjaro , Nairobi and back to Addis Abeba . None of the planes had a radio and therefore we could not communicate with each other in the air or with the radio stations at the airports . All we could do in the air was to try to keep together as best we could . And off we went . When we approached the final destination for the first day , Marsabit , we lost sight of the other plane in the heat haze . We began looking for the airport that should be situated somewhere in the midst of the mountain massif . The visibility was bad , due to the low sun being in front of us . We slowly let the plane descent and started preparing for landing , while eagerly looking for the airfield . Without warning , the engine stopped and we lost height rapidly and the airport was still not to be seen anywhere . We were now on the edge of the massif , which on the south side declined towards vast desert areas . Fast action was required ! We decided to stop looking for the airport and instead glide down along the slope in the hope of finding a suitable place for landing . There was a strange silence now that the engine was dead and we soared down like a bird . Then suddenly the engine started whirring again and we breathed out in relief . It only worked for some 20 seconds and then it went quiet again . That kept happening for a couple of minutes and it helped us gain some height over the slope below us , which had now approached precariously . We headed for nearest level ground , but that was still several kilometres away . Then the engine cut out for good and the altimeter showed that we were descending alarmingly fast and got closer and closer to the undulating hill . A couple of thermal winds helped us gain a few metres a couple of times , but … Even the edge of the desert , which we were approaching now , showed to be rather undulated and not at all suitable for landing . Now we were only approximately 40 metres over the ground and we could not keep the plane up any longer , so we would have to land . We landed in a curve to avoid a big sandbank to the right and during the last few metres in the air , the landing gear scraped against the dry shrubs on the edge of the desert . We got down without mishaps but it had been an exciting time . When we stepped out of the plane , a heat like in an oven met us , it was not long before the shirt clung to the body from sweat , and we started feeling thirsty . We had eaten our afternoon snack in the plane an hour back , thinking that we would soon land in Marsabit and did not worry about rationing food and drink . All we had left now was a drop of tea and an egg and we did not dare to touch the tea . We soon discovered that the trouble had been the magnet , but since the sun was going down , we decided to spend the night trying to sleep under the plane . The inside was like a sauna . Darkness fell fast and we stretched out on the warm sand with a seat - cushion each as a pillow . Sleeping was impossible . Loads of insects and bugs irritated us and we had a full time job , trying to get at them under our sticky shirts . In the dark , we heard different sounds from animals that were coming closer , wherefore we preferred to get back into the cabin , even though it was hot and uncomfortable . The next morning we started repairing the magnet . The work took several hours and the heat increased bit by bit . We were so thirsty now , that we avoided talking to each other . The only place where we could get some shade was under the wings , but it was hot even in the shade . During the descent down to the desert the previous day , we had lost quite a lot of petrol , when the float jammed . When we measured , we found that we only had around 17 litres left now , i . e . enough for maybe 40 minutes flying . Would that be enough to warm up the engine and fly up to the mountain top ? We did not think so . We decided to try to figure out our exact position by pacing the distance to a couple of hills that did not look too far away . We walked for hours , but it turned out to be much further than we had estimated , so we had to return to the plane . Our thirst was almost unbearable now and when my friend offered me a Läkerol ( a Swedish throat lozenge ) , that he found in his equipment , it turned many times worse . The lozenge stuck like a lump of pitch in the dry palate . On our stumbling walk back to the plane , we caught sight of a caravan of people in the distance . We hurried towards them as fast as we could , shouting and whistling , but the distance was too great for them to hear us . We had to reach them , we thought . They must have water and it looked like they were carrying burdens on their heads . When we came closer , we saw that they were ostriches , walking in line . From a distance , they looked just like people who were carrying something on their heads . We had to sit down , for the run had made us even more tired , hungry and thirsty . We went as far as to try to hit guinea fowl with stones , where they wandered around in the scrubland . They were walking around only a few metres away , without showing any fear of us . When we got closer , they annoyingly moved away a few metres . We now decided to start the engine and fly northeast , towards the only road , stretching from the south up to Marsabit . After that , we would follow the road as far as we could and possibly try landing on the road and go by foot to Marsabit . The start went well and we reached the road after the calculated 20 minutes flying . The road turned out to be very bad and not suitable for landing . We followed it for some distance and happily spotted a small native village with inhabitants . We now decided to land on best suitable , or maybe I should say " best unsuitable " , spot . Come what may , we needed water . We spotted a little slope and we landed there . That we managed to land without seriously damaging the plane , was more luck than skill . The plane jumped and skipped over tussocks and scrubs and we had to veer to both sides to avoid the small trees . As soon as we had stopped , a bunch of natives gathered around the plane and they looked a bit suspiciously at us , babbling in a language that we did not understand at all . We tried to sign to them that we were thirsty . They led us into the large hut that probably belonged to the chief , and , from an animal hide that hung off the wall , they offered us some dirty brown water that you normally would not want to wash your feet in . This water tasted like a Godsend . All you had to do was to push the flies aside and gulp down several bowls . When I had quenched the worst of the thirst , I took out a cigarette , struck a match and lit it . The natives looked at my cigarette and one of them asked to have one . I gave him matches and a cigarette . He put the match to the cigarette without striking it on the striking surface first . Then he waited for it to start burning , but nothing happened and he looked very bewildered . It surfaced that they had never dealt with matches before . When I later took out a Läkerol lozenge , they wanted to try that . I gave the nearest man one . He sucked it a few times and then passed it on the next man , who did the same and so the lozenge passed round the group . When I later started doing a few tricks for them , the whole assembly came to life . They drove out the remaining sheep and goats that were still in the hut and instead most of the villagers , there were not very many , gathered inside . I swallowed burning matches and cigarettes and they soon regarded me as a big medicine man and now the atmosphere changed to our advantage . Through signing and a few words that they understood , such as " Marsabit " and " police " , I managed to make them understand that I wanted a message sent off to the Police Commissioner in Marsabit . After I had written down a message on a piece of paper , they sent a rider off on a mule . He very soon came back , since he had met a lorry that was on its way south from Marsabit . The driver had promised to take us with him . While we were loading our things onto the lorry , an English military aeroplane came right over us , on its way towards Marsabit . After a while , another one showed up and they caught sight of us and started circling over the place . We understood that they were looking for us and signed to them that all was well . They answered , by sign , that they had comprehended and they continued north . On the way , we saw very many elephants , which was interesting to us , who now saw wild elephants for the first time . We were overjoyed when we arrived in Marsabit . The other plane with the two Swedes had found the airport . They had waited for a while for us to arrive , but had then started searching . The next day , they had even alerted the English Air Force in Nairobi , asking for scouting help , and it was those planes we had seen . After a bath and a change of clothes , dinner tasted splendid and , in front of the open fire , we told them about our adventure . We stayed with the hospitable Police Commissioner and his wife a couple of days , during which we picked up our plane and gave it an overhaul . The first night , when we walked over to the building where we should sleep , we had not walked more than ten metres from the main building , when we stopped dead in our steps by a lion 's roar . We could only see a pair of eyes , reflecting the light from the building . The Police Commissioner came running out with a rifle and a lamp , but the lion luckily retreated . The following night , we walked straight into three buffalos that were standing right outside the door . Even that time , we got away scot - free . The biggest problem for the Police Commissioner was the elephants , who roamed around in the area , destroying the small garden that he had struggled to keep alive in the drought . It was with deep regret that we left the nice family a few days later . Our next destination was Nairobi and we arrived there without trouble . When there , we could read in the East African Standard that we had been missing and that searches for us had been on . We now had to tell the whole story to the press and the next day , there were flaming headlines on the front page about our rescue and our adventures . My wife , who was waiting at the beach hotel in Nyale Beach by the Indian Ocean , did not know anything about what had happened to us until she read about the adventure in the papers . We had decided to go on a trip . It was Onni , Mary , Ingvar Aspliden , Ingvar " Lasse " Larsson and me . We had arranged for permission to fly . We did not have a radio but got permission to fly from Ethiopia . We could not fly direct to Nairobi . There was not a chance to do that because we had to land twice on the way to fill up with fuel . There was no fuel in Ethiopia so we went to Air Force outside Addis . They flew to all sorts of places . We asked them to dump a tank of fuel for us the day before we were to take off , so we could land there and fill up . They did that and it worked very well . I think it was a few days before we set off that we were invited to Haile Selassie at the palace … it was a heck of a party ! They served alcohol . I don 't know how long it was between … I don 't think we flew the day after , he - he . We had to be in good shape when we left . We knew that it was rather a challenge to fly over the mountains there , but in Ethiopia I had flown earlier so there it was not a problem . We flew in pairs so we were in contact with each other all the time . Eye contact , that is . We had decided that earlier so we would not lose contact , since we did not have any radio contact . The first landing was planned for Marsabit in northern Kenya . It was a very special site , I will never forget it , that place … It was situated out in the terrain … there was only one family . He was District Commissioner , Police Colonel , and was from South Africa but of British descent . Mr Griffith was his name . I will never forget him . There was a small airport and that is where we were headed . That was the first stop on the journey , Marsabit in Kenya . Then it happened … we used to take turns flying . Lasse did one distance and then Onni took over for another distance and now I had flown my distance in Ethiopia . Aspliden was a pilot , too , but he did not have a lot of experience . Lasse and I had the most flight experience so we were so to say " in command " , the ones who were in charge should anything happen . There has to be someone in charge . I was sitting in the back and Asplind was a teacher in navigation , so I was convinced that he would do OK . There were no problems so I relaxed . Then suddenly Onni and Lasse disappeared . We could not see them , but there was not point in searching because we only had enough fuel to make it to Marsabit . We had to go on , so we did . But Aspliden could not find the airport , he just could not find it ! We found out why . It happens that , on the map , there is s special sign for mountain that looks like a moon on top of a mountain , but when it is a crater it is a crescent and we had missed that . We saw the crescent but thought it was a mountain . It was a crater where we should have landed but we flew past that airport without seeing it and Aspliden was getting nervous . He wasn 't so experienced and now he thought we had to do an emergency landing . We could not fly until we ran out of fuel . We had to land while we had fuel left . " You have to do this " said Aspliden . " Well " , said I , " it 's not so easy from back here " . Of course I sat in the back and you can 't do any emergency landings from there . " Well , what do we do now then ? Can 't we change places ? " In that cramped cockpit . " Let us try " I said . So I crawled up front and sat on the side . I was folded over in 90 degrees and got hold of the control stick so that Aspliden could crawl over to the back seat . When he got out of the seat , I could sit down and buckle up . then I thought that " now we have to find somewhere to land " . I was rather experienced at " bush landings " . I knew the L5 . I knew that even when the fuel gauge went down to red you could still fly for a good while . Well , at least for another 10 minutes . I could not find a good place and realised I had to find somewhere . Then I saw a road . We got to the road and I thought it had to go to the airport . And sure enough it did , so after a short while I saw the airport . I had found it . I just dived down and landed , without checking wind or anything . I did that because I knew that the engine would cut out any second . And when we had landed and taxed in , the engine cut out . We had just made it ! We had been so occupied with our troubles so we had not had time to think about Onni and Lasse , but now that we had arrived at Marsabit and landed , we started getting worried . They were not there ! What on earth had happened to them , we thought . The Mr Griffith came out and picked us up . It was the first time we met . He invited us to dinner but we were so down in the mouth , thinking that Onni and Lassa had crashed somewhere . The terrain around was very rough with volcanoes and such . I don 't think I slept at all that night . The Griffith family were very nice and hospitable , but we could not appreciate that when our friends were gone . Mr . Griffit to the left and Daniel Rundström to the right Early next morning we reported to the British Air Force in Nairobi that one of our aircrafts was missing . They immediately sent out a plane to search for our friends . Aspliden and I also started combing the area systematically . We thought that they could not be so darn far away . We kept searching all day . Nothing ! " What the heck has happened " we wondered . But during the evening Onni and Lasse arrived by lorry and we were of course incredibly happy ! But where on earth was the plane ? This Auster Onni bought together with Daniel Rundström in the beginning of the fifties . Daniel came to Ethiopia 1946 as a young flight technician and worked at Bishoftu for von Rosen . Daniel is still alive and well and lives at Dominica in east Caribbean . He have given me so many stories from his life that I have material for a book about his fantastic life . He was born 1925 and his dream today is to build an airplane and fly from Dominica to Ethiopia . " That time there in Ethiopia during the 40s and 50s meant a lot to me . I was only 20 years old , not even reached lawful age yet . At that time , you had to apply to the authorities to travel abroad alone if you were not of age . I arrived in Ethiopia in 1946 , just after the war . During the trip there I got to witness all the misery that the war caused in Europe . It started with Amsterdam , where you could see the bomb craters at the airport . Onni was in Ethiopia when I arrived . He had left the military life . I thought that was good . He was made Secretary General of the Red Cross . The thing with Onni was that he was always in the background . He never made a fuss of himself . But he was behind most things . He was very friendly with the Duke of Harrar ( son of Emperor Haile Selassie ) . So was I , since I taught him a bit of technical stuff . He was interested in flying and so was Onni . We bought a plane together , Onni and I . I went to India . Onni was very good friends with Thomson . He was Canadian and worked for the mission there . He was in frequent contact with Onni and it was Onni who hinted a little about me , so that I came to India . I had just got my pilot 's license , Ethiopian certificate , and did not have a lot of experience . I had approximately 80 flight hours behind me . So I went to India and bought an aeroplane . We bought it together , Onni and I , in 1950 . The plane we bought together , I shipped from Bombay to Aden by boat . It did not have a long range . The distances were too long to fly , but I flew another plane , a " Norsman " , from Bombay to Addis Ababa . I landed in Pakistan , in Karachi , and then in Marsays , on the island Masirah outside the Arabian east coast . On to Salalah , that is located between the Persian Gulf and the Gulf of Aden . Salalah was an English protectorate so RAF had an airbase there . From there I flew on to Ethiopia and Addis Ababa . Later , after about a month , the plane that Onni and I bought arrived in Aden . It came in a crate , it was almost new but we got it cheap . You could buy aeroplanes very cheap during those years . I went to Aden and assembled the " cart " and flew it to Addis . About Onni , I would like to say that he had very good organisation skills , he could organise things . It was he who arranged things when IFK Norrköping were in Addis to play football . He arranged it all . It was he who told me to fly over the football ground and drop the ball for kick off , to make it a bit fun , and the Emperor was there . He arranged at lot of things for the Emperor . There were Red Cross parties , motorcycle races . I have a programme from one of those where Onni is listed as organiser . I got along well with Onni . We had a lot of fun together , Onni and I . Later , in the mid 1950 's , I flew with him in a plane from Yemen to Addis Ababa . He had just divorced Mary . She later died before he did . I think she was a plucky girl . I appreciated her , she was fun and always attending all parties . We always had lots of parties in those days . Mary was a very intelligent person . I actually spent rather a lot of time with Onni and Mary . We did a lot of things together . We were out flying this Auster . But the flight we did together , that is the best . To me , that topped everything ! That was really some flight , I can tell you ! I think that is the strongest memory I have of Onni is that trip . We stayed at the same hotel and went swimming at Malindi by the Indian Ocean . Onni did not have a lot of experience as a pilot so I suggested he 'd take a more experienced pilot and good friend of mine with him . Lasse Larsson . Ingvar Larsson was his name but everybody called him Lasse . He and Onni went in the Auster and I flew the L - 5 together with another special person , who is dead now . He was a meteorologist and named Ingvar Aspliden . He got hold of an American woman at the American Embassy in Addis and married her . He eventually ended up in Virginia , USA . The plane that Onni flew certainly had room for four , but we had to take a lot of extra fuel , so Mary had to fly Ethiopian Airlines to Nairobi and then we met up at Malindi . There was another man there when we arrived . Pilkvist was his name and I think that he and Mary had travelled there together . We only met in Malindi and then we separated again . Onni and I flew further south to Dar es Salaam and Zanzibar . On my way home I had met a girl who lived near Kilimanjaro . We landed there on the way because I wanted to see this girl . Then we flew back via Nairobi . But this was the most smashing thing of the trip … but maybe I should start at the beginning … but it was just unbelievable ! " |
The next day , Mr Griffith helped us retrieve the plane . Or rather , he took with him 15 - 20 men with machetes and they helped by cutting away shrubs and bushes to make a runway . Fortunately , there were no tress in the way , only shrubs . Since I was the most experienced pilot , I flew the plane from there to the airport in Marsabit . In the evening , we had a great party ! In the evening , when we walked over to the building where we should sleep , we had not walked more than ten metres from the main building , when we stopped dead in our steps by a lion 's roar . We could only see a pair of eyes , reflecting the light from the building . The Police Commissioner came running out with a rifle and a lamp , but the lion luckily retreated . The following night , we walked straight into three buffalos that were standing right outside the door . Even that time , we got away scot - free . The biggest problem for the Police Commissioner was the elephants , who roamed around in the area , destroying the small garden that he had struggled to keep alive in the drought . It was with deep regret that we left the nice family a few days later . Our next destination was Nairobi and we arrived there without trouble . Well there , we could read in the East African Standard that we had been missing and that searches for us had been on . We now had to tell the whole story to the press and the next day , there were flaming headlines on the front page about our rescue and our adventures . This trip to Kenya was great , the highlight of my life . We flew on towards Isiolo and then we landed in Nanyuki on the Equator . We stood there in the bar and toasted from the southern part of the globe to the northern part . The Equator ran straight through the bar there . We flew past Mount Kenya and it was very beautiful . Then we arrived in Nairobi . De wrote in the newspapers about the plane that had disappeared . They were of course glad we had got back . We stayed a few days in Nairobi . We stayed in hotel " New Stanley " . It was a one of those " with - it " hotels in Nairobi . All white farmers went there but the coloured people were not allowed in . No , that is how it was during that time , not like in Ethiopia where everyone could come and go everywhere as they liked . Well , about the luggage , we had dinner jackets with us . We know that it was still an English colony , so in all hotels , if you wanted to go for dinner , you had to wear dinner jacket . So we had brought that . White dinner jackets . We also went to a night club , I think it was called " Equator " . To be allowed in , you had to have been to a certain number of countries . Yes , it was rather fun . I remember that the band played " Tequila " - it was a new , popular tune at the time . I was rather fit at that time . Lasse and I used to do handstands on the bar counter , both of us at the same time . The one who first fell had to pay . He was better than I was . I only won once . I was taller than he was so I could reach to put my feet against the ceiling . That was the only time I won . After that , we continued to Mombasa and from there on to Malindi . It was only an around 20 minutes ' flight down to the coast . We had already booked us at the " Eden Roc " hotel . They had a private runway for the guests . Mary came down to Malindi together with Pihlkvist , another Swede . That is where we spent our holiday . Mary had flown with Ethiopian Airlines from Addis Ababa via Nairobi and on to Malindi . This was the only hotel along the coast that had a swimming pool and where you could go for a dip if you wanted to . You did not need a swimming pool , you had the whole sea there ! I think it was one of the best hotels . You could also play squash and rent surfing boards , but we spent most of the time on the beach . Yes , we had a great time there ! We used to meet at breakfast every morning . Pihlkvist was with us . He was one of those funny guys who always came up with funny expressions . If something tasted nice , he used to say " This does not taste of paraffin ! " We were all at the breakfast table , except Pihlkvist , when Mary said " I think this tastes of paraffin … something tastes of paraffin " . We did not think so , but she may have been a bit choosy . After a while , Pihlkvist arrived and sat down at the table , starts eating and say " This does not taste of paraffin ! " It was so funny and also to see how funny Mary looked ! We were later invited to a party at Hotel Sindbad . We had to wear dinner jackets . Lasse and I decided to fly in to Mombasa to buy black socks for our dinner jackets , because we did not have any with us . We took the Auster this time because it did not use as much fuel and the L5 . When we landed at the airport in Mombasa , we met some Englishmen from Nairobi . The also had an Auster . When you were in Africa with two private aeroplanes , you started talking to each other of course . We asked where they were going and they said they were flying south to Jadini beach . " We land on the beach there , so why don 't you come down and have lunch with us ? " " Yes " , said we , " we just have some shopping to do first . We will be there later . How do we find you ? " " You will see us . Just land on the beach " . We went into town and bought socks and a few other things that we needed and then , just before lunchtime , we took the plane and went to meet with the Englishmen . But as it happened , we did not pay attention . We flew too far inland so we missed them and flew past . After a good while , we realised that we had flown too far . Too right , as I noticed that we had had an incredible following wind . I had not thought about that but you notice it when you make a turn . I thought " oops , we are low on fuel , I have to check this " I did not trust the fuel gauge so we had a dipstick . We were planning to land somewhere there and check with the dipstick to see how much fuel we had left , so we could be certain that it was enough . I landed on the beach but the runway was too short , so the plane tipped on the nose and hit the propeller so a piece of it flew off . It was a wooden propeller . So , what do you do when you are stranded out in the bush ? I always had my tools with me . We stood there on the beach , wondering what we had done wrong . We had landed too far up on the beach and the sand was too soft . If I had landed closer to the water , the sand there was packed solid and we would have had as long a runway as we wanted . We could not continue with one long and one short propeller blade . It causes imbalance in the engine . So , what do you do ? I will have to cut the other blade too , I thought . Fortunately I had a hacksaw with me so I set out to repair the blade . While we were standing there , some people came towards us . A couple of beautiful girls , actually . Bare - breasted . De were wondering what was going on . We could of course not talk to them but we showed what we were doing . We cut the long blade so that they were the same length and then we pulled the plane down to the water and decided that we could not stay there . We checked how much fuel we had left and decided that it was enough to take us to the Englishmen . We would certainly find them now ! We will fly along the coastline by the water and then we will see where they are . We were not sure that the plane would work , if it would take off . We had a long runway and I cranked up the engine and it shot up to max rpm because the propellers were short . I could only give half throttle power . We bounced along on the beach and so we finally took off . Lasse laughed . " Look ! We 're flying ! " he said . We flew some distance along the coast but we still did not see the aeroplanes , because they had pulled them in under the palm trees there . We agreed that this had to be it , because we saw tracks and a hotel , so we landed on that beach . I felt that the sand was packed solid and we continued along the beach . Then an Englishman comes walking along the beach . I opened the window . It was one of those hatches that folds outwards and I shouted to him : " Where is Jadini Beach Hotel ? " He starred at us and said : " It 's over there , Sir " and walked on . In the evening we went to the party at " Sindbad " , dressed in our new black socks . I did not drink a lot . Neither did Onni , I think . I never saw Onni drunk , he was a moderate drinker . Though that night another thing happened . I was asleep and in the small hours before dawn , Onni is knocking on my door . " Rundis ! Up , quickly ! You must fly to Mombasa ! " " What ? No , I don 't feel like flying to Mombasa now … " " Yes , now " said Onni and explained . The hotel Manager had gone to bed with a cigarette in his hand and fallen asleep . The mosquito net above the bed had caught fire and he was so bloody burned that he was unconscious . It was essential to get him to the hospital as quickly as possible . Yes , I was game of course . I took the L5 this time ; the propeller was not very good on the Auster . I remember , Onni and Lasse , it was those two who took care of the man and placed him on the backseat of the plane . He was unconscious the whole time . The buckled him in and so I flew to Mombasa while the others informed the ambulance there that I was on my way and asked them to come and collect him at the airport . I went with them to the hospital to see how things were and to talk to the doctor . He said that we had saved the man 's life . He would not have survived unless he had come in to the hospital so quickly . I think I was the most experienced pilot . The others were not so experienced . Onni was a beginner but he got his licence . He was really good at navigation . He was very skilful . What he did later as well , with the Marathon runners . That was really something ! But it was typical of Onni , he helped others to the front and it was he who did the work in the background . It was typical of him . He was a very kind person . I don 't think he was angry ever . No , I never saw him angry ; on the contrary , if something happened , he always stayed calm . Well , when the holiday was over we went flying . First we flew to Mombasa , Dar - el - Salam and then we stayed on Zanzibar , where we went swimming for a couple of days . After that , we flew to Kilimanjaro . Moshi was the name of the airport . Then we went back to Nairobi . From there , we were planning to fly the same route back home as we had flown there . We flew to Marsabit and met up with the Griffith family again and then came the worst part for Onni and Lasse … We stayed over night and started in the morning after breakfast . We had agreed that this time we were not going to miss each other . We were going to keep contact with each other . We should not do as we did last time . But when we had flown a short distance , I see Onni and Lasse start circling and descend . I was wondering what the heck they were doing . I had no idea of what had happened . Suddenly , they just landed , right in the middle of the volcanic landscape ! They found a spot to land on . I don 't understand how - it was unbelievable but at the same time lucky that the found a spot to descend and land on . Well , I will have to land as well , I thought . So I landed on the same spot . It was not very good , bumpy but it worked . " Well , you see " , said Onni , " the engine cut out ! " It had jammed ! ' So they just had to land . It was incredible that they managed the way they had ! Well , what to do now ? Not much choice but to go back to Marsabit . I could only take one person at the time so I said : " I will fly back to Marsabit and leave Aspliden there and then I will come back , pick up one of you and come back later to pick up the other one . Onni was the one to stay till last . That was typical of him , to send the others off first . Well , they had survived , which was good , but we were not home and dry yet ! They had a plane that they could not continue in and I could not take more than one person at the time , so Onni and Lasse were stranded out there in the bush . The next day , Griffith helped out with a lorry and people . It was not so far to the plane , bit still some distance . We all helped to lift the plane up onto the lorry . We took the plane to Marsabit and put it in their garden . I had no other choice than to continue with my passenger . We could not do anything to solve the situation at the moment . We knew they were alive and that they would make it , but it must have been a heck of a trip … to hitch - hike from the middle of Kenya all the way up to Addis . But they did arrive , unshaven but in good spirit . That was the end of the journey . It took eight months before we got a new engine . We ordered a new engine from England , which was sent down to Nairobi in Kenya . I went down , mounted the engine and flew the plane back to Addis . That time I was alone . It turned into an adventure as well … I was not allowed to fly the same route back , so I had to fly an even worse route - back to Nairobi , down to Mombasa and the follow the coast line up to Somaliland - and that was much longer . But we can talk about that some other time … We planned the travel route so that we were flying from Addis Abeba to Marsabit in north Kenya and after that to Nairobi , Mombasa , Malindi , Zanzibar , Dar - el - Salam , Kilimanjaro , Nairobi and back to Addis Abeba . None of the planes had a radio and therefore we could not communicate with each other in the air or with the radio stations at the airports . All we could do in the air was to try to keep together as best we could . And off we went . When we approached the final destination for the first day , Marsabit , we lost sight of the other plane in the heat haze . We began looking for the airport that should be situated somewhere in the midst of the mountain massif . The visibility was bad , due to the low sun being in front of us . We slowly let the plane descent and started preparing for landing , while eagerly looking for the airfield . Without warning , the engine stopped and we lost height rapidly and the airport was still not to be seen anywhere . We were now on the edge of the massif , which on the south side declined towards vast desert areas . Fast action was required ! We decided to stop looking for the airport and instead glide down along the slope in the hope of finding a suitable place for landing . There was a strange silence now that the engine was dead and we soared down like a bird . Then suddenly the engine started whirring again and we breathed out in relief . It only worked for some 20 seconds and then it went quiet again . That kept happening for a couple of minutes and it helped us gain some height over the slope below us , which had now approached precariously . We headed for nearest level ground , but that was still several kilometres away . Then the engine cut out for good and the altimeter showed that we were descending alarmingly fast and got closer and closer to the undulating hill . A couple of thermal winds helped us gain a few metres a couple of times , but … Even the edge of the desert , which we were approaching now , showed to be rather undulated and not at all suitable for landing . Now we were only approximately 40 metres over the ground and we could not keep the plane up any longer , so we would have to land . We landed in a curve to avoid a big sandbank to the right and during the last few metres in the air , the landing gear scraped against the dry shrubs on the edge of the desert . We got down without mishaps but it had been an exciting time . When we stepped out of the plane , a heat like in an oven met us , it was not long before the shirt clung to the body from sweat , and we started feeling thirsty . We had eaten our afternoon snack in the plane an hour back , thinking that we would soon land in Marsabit and did not worry about rationing food and drink . All we had left now was a drop of tea and an egg and we did not dare to touch the tea . We soon discovered that the trouble had been the magnet , but since the sun was going down , we decided to spend the night trying to sleep under the plane . The inside was like a sauna . Darkness fell fast and we stretched out on the warm sand with a seat - cushion each as a pillow . Sleeping was impossible . Loads of insects and bugs irritated us and we had a full time job , trying to get at them under our sticky shirts . In the dark , we heard different sounds from animals that were coming closer , wherefore we preferred to get back into the cabin , even though it was hot and uncomfortable . The next morning we started repairing the magnet . The work took several hours and the heat increased bit by bit . We were so thirsty now , that we avoided talking to each other . The only place where we could get some shade was under the wings , but it was hot even in the shade . During the descent down to the desert the previous day , we had lost quite a lot of petrol , when the float jammed . When we measured , we found that we only had around 17 litres left now , i . e . enough for maybe 40 minutes flying . Would that be enough to warm up the engine and fly up to the mountain top ? We did not think so . We decided to try to figure out our exact position by pacing the distance to a couple of hills that did not look too far away . We walked for hours , but it turned out to be much further than we had estimated , so we had to return to the plane . Our thirst was almost unbearable now and when my friend offered me a Läkerol ( a Swedish throat lozenge ) , that he found in his equipment , it turned many times worse . The lozenge stuck like a lump of pitch in the dry palate . On our stumbling walk back to the plane , we caught sight of a caravan of people in the distance . We hurried towards them as fast as we could , shouting and whistling , but the distance was too great for them to hear us . We had to reach them , we thought . They must have water and it looked like they were carrying burdens on their heads . When we came closer , we saw that they were ostriches , walking in line . From a distance , they looked just like people who were carrying something on their heads . We had to sit down , for the run had made us even more tired , hungry and thirsty . We went as far as to try to hit guinea fowl with stones , where they wandered around in the scrubland . They were walking around only a few metres away , without showing any fear of us . When we got closer , they annoyingly moved away a few metres . We now decided to start the engine and fly northeast , towards the only road , stretching from the south up to Marsabit . After that , we would follow the road as far as we could and possibly try landing on the road and go by foot to Marsabit . The start went well and we reached the road after the calculated 20 minutes flying . The road turned out to be very bad and not suitable for landing . We followed it for some distance and happily spotted a small native village with inhabitants . We now decided to land on best suitable , or maybe I should say " best unsuitable " , spot . Come what may , we needed water . We spotted a little slope and we landed there . That we managed to land without seriously damaging the plane , was more luck than skill . The plane jumped and skipped over tussocks and scrubs and we had to veer to both sides to avoid the small trees . As soon as we had stopped , a bunch of natives gathered around the plane and they looked a bit suspiciously at us , babbling in a language that we did not understand at all . We tried to sign to them that we were thirsty . They led us into the large hut that probably belonged to the chief , and , from an animal hide that hung off the wall , they offered us some dirty brown water that you normally would not want to wash your feet in . This water tasted like a Godsend . All you had to do was to push the flies aside and gulp down several bowls . When I had quenched the worst of the thirst , I took out a cigarette , struck a match and lit it . The natives looked at my cigarette and one of them asked to have one . I gave him matches and a cigarette . He put the match to the cigarette without striking it on the striking surface first . Then he waited for it to start burning , but nothing happened and he looked very bewildered . It surfaced that they had never dealt with matches before . When I later took out a Läkerol lozenge , they wanted to try that . I gave the nearest man one . He sucked it a few times and then passed it on the next man , who did the same and so the lozenge passed round the group . When I later started doing a few tricks for them , the whole assembly came to life . They drove out the remaining sheep and goats that were still in the hut and instead most of the villagers , there were not very many , gathered inside . I swallowed burning matches and cigarettes and they soon regarded me as a big medicine man and now the atmosphere changed to our advantage . Through signing and a few words that they understood , such as " Marsabit " and " police " , I managed to make them understand that I wanted a message sent off to the Police Commissioner in Marsabit . After I had written down a message on a piece of paper , they sent a rider off on a mule . He very soon came back , since he had met a lorry that was on its way south from Marsabit . The driver had promised to take us with him . While we were loading our things onto the lorry , an English military aeroplane came right over us , on its way towards Marsabit . After a while , another one showed up and they caught sight of us and started circling over the place . We understood that they were looking for us and signed to them that all was well . They answered , by sign , that they had comprehended and they continued north . On the way , we saw very many elephants , which was interesting to us , who now saw wild elephants for the first time . We were overjoyed when we arrived in Marsabit . The other plane with the two Swedes had found the airport . They had waited for a while for us to arrive , but had then started searching . The next day , they had even alerted the English Air Force in Nairobi , asking for scouting help , and it was those planes we had seen . After a bath and a change of clothes , dinner tasted splendid and , in front of the open fire , we told them about our adventure . We stayed with the hospitable Police Commissioner and his wife a couple of days , during which we picked up our plane and gave it an overhaul . The first night , when we walked over to the building where we should sleep , we had not walked more than ten metres from the main building , when we stopped dead in our steps by a lion 's roar . We could only see a pair of eyes , reflecting the light from the building . The Police Commissioner came running out with a rifle and a lamp , but the lion luckily retreated . The following night , we walked straight into three buffalos that were standing right outside the door . Even that time , we got away scot - free . The biggest problem for the Police Commissioner was the elephants , who roamed around in the area , destroying the small garden that he had struggled to keep alive in the drought . It was with deep regret that we left the nice family a few days later . Our next destination was Nairobi and we arrived there without trouble . When there , we could read in the East African Standard that we had been missing and that searches for us had been on . We now had to tell the whole story to the press and the next day , there were flaming headlines on the front page about our rescue and our adventures . My wife , who was waiting at the beach hotel in Nyale Beach by the Indian Ocean , did not know anything about what had happened to us until she read about the adventure in the papers . We had decided to go on a trip . It was Onni , Mary , Ingvar Aspliden , Ingvar " Lasse " Larsson and me . We had arranged for permission to fly . We did not have a radio but got permission to fly from Ethiopia . We could not fly direct to Nairobi . There was not a chance to do that because we had to land twice on the way to fill up with fuel . There was no fuel in Ethiopia so we went to Air Force outside Addis . They flew to all sorts of places . We asked them to dump a tank of fuel for us the day before we were to take off , so we could land there and fill up . They did that and it worked very well . I think it was a few days before we set off that we were invited to Haile Selassie at the palace … it was a heck of a party ! They served alcohol . I don 't know how long it was between … I don 't think we flew the day after , he - he . We had to be in good shape when we left . We knew that it was rather a challenge to fly over the mountains there , but in Ethiopia I had flown earlier so there it was not a problem . We flew in pairs so we were in contact with each other all the time . Eye contact , that is . We had decided that earlier so we would not lose contact , since we did not have any radio contact . The first landing was planned for Marsabit in northern Kenya . It was a very special site , I will never forget it , that place … It was situated out in the terrain … there was only one family . He was District Commissioner , Police Colonel , and was from South Africa but of British descent . Mr Griffith was his name . I will never forget him . There was a small airport and that is where we were headed . That was the first stop on the journey , Marsabit in Kenya . Then it happened … we used to take turns flying . Lasse did one distance and then Onni took over for another distance and now I had flown my distance in Ethiopia . Aspliden was a pilot , too , but he did not have a lot of experience . Lasse and I had the most flight experience so we were so to say " in command " , the ones who were in charge should anything happen . There has to be someone in charge . I was sitting in the back and Asplind was a teacher in navigation , so I was convinced that he would do OK . There were no problems so I relaxed . Then suddenly Onni and Lasse disappeared . We could not see them , but there was not point in searching because we only had enough fuel to make it to Marsabit . We had to go on , so we did . But Aspliden could not find the airport , he just could not find it ! We found out why . It happens that , on the map , there is s special sign for mountain that looks like a moon on top of a mountain , but when it is a crater it is a crescent and we had missed that . We saw the crescent but thought it was a mountain . It was a crater where we should have landed but we flew past that airport without seeing it and Aspliden was getting nervous . He wasn 't so experienced and now he thought we had to do an emergency landing . We could not fly until we ran out of fuel . We had to land while we had fuel left . " You have to do this " said Aspliden . " Well " , said I , " it 's not so easy from back here " . Of course I sat in the back and you can 't do any emergency landings from there . " Well , what do we do now then ? Can 't we change places ? " In that cramped cockpit . " Let us try " I said . So I crawled up front and sat on the side . I was folded over in 90 degrees and got hold of the control stick so that Aspliden could crawl over to the back seat . When he got out of the seat , I could sit down and buckle up . then I thought that " now we have to find somewhere to land " . I was rather experienced at " bush landings " . I knew the L5 . I knew that even when the fuel gauge went down to red you could still fly for a good while . Well , at least for another 10 minutes . I could not find a good place and realised I had to find somewhere . Then I saw a road . We got to the road and I thought it had to go to the airport . And sure enough it did , so after a short while I saw the airport . I had found it . I just dived down and landed , without checking wind or anything . I did that because I knew that the engine would cut out any second . And when we had landed and taxed in , the engine cut out . We had just made it ! We had been so occupied with our troubles so we had not had time to think about Onni and Lasse , but now that we had arrived at Marsabit and landed , we started getting worried . They were not there ! What on earth had happened to them , we thought . The Mr Griffith came out and picked us up . It was the first time we met . He invited us to dinner but we were so down in the mouth , thinking that Onni and Lassa had crashed somewhere . The terrain around was very rough with volcanoes and such . I don 't think I slept at all that night . The Griffith family were very nice and hospitable , but we could not appreciate that when our friends were gone . Mr . Griffit to the left and Daniel Rundström to the right Early next morning we reported to the British Air Force in Nairobi that one of our aircrafts was missing . They immediately sent out a plane to search for our friends . Aspliden and I also started combing the area systematically . We thought that they could not be so darn far away . We kept searching all day . Nothing ! " What the heck has happened " we wondered . But during the evening Onni and Lasse arrived by lorry and we were of course incredibly happy ! But where on earth was the plane ? This Auster Onni bought together with Daniel Rundström in the beginning of the fifties . Daniel came to Ethiopia 1946 as a young flight technician and worked at Bishoftu for von Rosen . Daniel is still alive and well and lives at Dominica in east Caribbean . He have given me so many stories from his life that I have material for a book about his fantastic life . He was born 1925 and his dream today is to build an airplane and fly from Dominica to Ethiopia . " That time there in Ethiopia during the 40s and 50s meant a lot to me . I was only 20 years old , not even reached lawful age yet . At that time , you had to apply to the authorities to travel abroad alone if you were not of age . I arrived in Ethiopia in 1946 , just after the war . During the trip there I got to witness all the misery that the war caused in Europe . It started with Amsterdam , where you could see the bomb craters at the airport . Onni was in Ethiopia when I arrived . He had left the military life . I thought that was good . He was made Secretary General of the Red Cross . The thing with Onni was that he was always in the background . He never made a fuss of himself . But he was behind most things . He was very friendly with the Duke of Harrar ( son of Emperor Haile Selassie ) . So was I , since I taught him a bit of technical stuff . He was interested in flying and so was Onni . We bought a plane together , Onni and I . I went to India . Onni was very good friends with Thomson . He was Canadian and worked for the mission there . He was in frequent contact with Onni and it was Onni who hinted a little about me , so that I came to India . I had just got my pilot 's license , Ethiopian certificate , and did not have a lot of experience . I had approximately 80 flight hours behind me . So I went to India and bought an aeroplane . We bought it together , Onni and I , in 1950 . The plane we bought together , I shipped from Bombay to Aden by boat . It did not have a long range . The distances were too long to fly , but I flew another plane , a " Norsman " , from Bombay to Addis Ababa . I landed in Pakistan , in Karachi , and then in Marsays , on the island Masirah outside the Arabian east coast . On to Salalah , that is located between the Persian Gulf and the Gulf of Aden . Salalah was an English protectorate so RAF had an airbase there . From there I flew on to Ethiopia and Addis Ababa . Later , after about a month , the plane that Onni and I bought arrived in Aden . It came in a crate , it was almost new but we got it cheap . You could buy aeroplanes very cheap during those years . I went to Aden and assembled the " cart " and flew it to Addis . About Onni , I would like to say that he had very good organisation skills , he could organise things . It was he who arranged things when IFK Norrköping were in Addis to play football . He arranged it all . It was he who told me to fly over the football ground and drop the ball for kick off , to make it a bit fun , and the Emperor was there . He arranged at lot of things for the Emperor . There were Red Cross parties , motorcycle races . I have a programme from one of those where Onni is listed as organiser . I got along well with Onni . We had a lot of fun together , Onni and I . Later , in the mid 1950 's , I flew with him in a plane from Yemen to Addis Ababa . He had just divorced Mary . She later died before he did . I think she was a plucky girl . I appreciated her , she was fun and always attending all parties . We always had lots of parties in those days . Mary was a very intelligent person . I actually spent rather a lot of time with Onni and Mary . We did a lot of things together . We were out flying this Auster . But the flight we did together , that is the best . To me , that topped everything ! That was really some flight , I can tell you ! I think that is the strongest memory I have of Onni is that trip . We stayed at the same hotel and went swimming at Malindi by the Indian Ocean . Onni did not have a lot of experience as a pilot so I suggested he 'd take a more experienced pilot and good friend of mine with him . Lasse Larsson . Ingvar Larsson was his name but everybody called him Lasse . He and Onni went in the Auster and I flew the L - 5 together with another special person , who is dead now . He was a meteorologist and named Ingvar Aspliden . He got hold of an American woman at the American Embassy in Addis and married her . He eventually ended up in Virginia , USA . The plane that Onni flew certainly had room for four , but we had to take a lot of extra fuel , so Mary had to fly Ethiopian Airlines to Nairobi and then we met up at Malindi . There was another man there when we arrived . Pilkvist was his name and I think that he and Mary had travelled there together . We only met in Malindi and then we separated again . Onni and I flew further south to Dar es Salaam and Zanzibar . On my way home I had met a girl who lived near Kilimanjaro . We landed there on the way because I wanted to see this girl . Then we flew back via Nairobi . But this was the most smashing thing of the trip … but maybe I should start at the beginning … but it was just unbelievable ! " |
The next day , Mr Griffith helped us retrieve the plane . Or rather , he took with him 15 - 20 men with machetes and they helped by cutting away shrubs and bushes to make a runway . Fortunately , there were no tress in the way , only shrubs . Since I was the most experienced pilot , I flew the plane from there to the airport in Marsabit . In the evening , we had a great party ! In the evening , when we walked over to the building where we should sleep , we had not walked more than ten metres from the main building , when we stopped dead in our steps by a lion 's roar . We could only see a pair of eyes , reflecting the light from the building . The Police Commissioner came running out with a rifle and a lamp , but the lion luckily retreated . The following night , we walked straight into three buffalos that were standing right outside the door . Even that time , we got away scot - free . The biggest problem for the Police Commissioner was the elephants , who roamed around in the area , destroying the small garden that he had struggled to keep alive in the drought . It was with deep regret that we left the nice family a few days later . Our next destination was Nairobi and we arrived there without trouble . Well there , we could read in the East African Standard that we had been missing and that searches for us had been on . We now had to tell the whole story to the press and the next day , there were flaming headlines on the front page about our rescue and our adventures . This trip to Kenya was great , the highlight of my life . We flew on towards Isiolo and then we landed in Nanyuki on the Equator . We stood there in the bar and toasted from the southern part of the globe to the northern part . The Equator ran straight through the bar there . We flew past Mount Kenya and it was very beautiful . Then we arrived in Nairobi . De wrote in the newspapers about the plane that had disappeared . They were of course glad we had got back . We stayed a few days in Nairobi . We stayed in hotel " New Stanley " . It was a one of those " with - it " hotels in Nairobi . All white farmers went there but the coloured people were not allowed in . No , that is how it was during that time , not like in Ethiopia where everyone could come and go everywhere as they liked . Well , about the luggage , we had dinner jackets with us . We know that it was still an English colony , so in all hotels , if you wanted to go for dinner , you had to wear dinner jacket . So we had brought that . White dinner jackets . We also went to a night club , I think it was called " Equator " . To be allowed in , you had to have been to a certain number of countries . Yes , it was rather fun . I remember that the band played " Tequila " - it was a new , popular tune at the time . I was rather fit at that time . Lasse and I used to do handstands on the bar counter , both of us at the same time . The one who first fell had to pay . He was better than I was . I only won once . I was taller than he was so I could reach to put my feet against the ceiling . That was the only time I won . After that , we continued to Mombasa and from there on to Malindi . It was only an around 20 minutes ' flight down to the coast . We had already booked us at the " Eden Roc " hotel . They had a private runway for the guests . Mary came down to Malindi together with Pihlkvist , another Swede . That is where we spent our holiday . Mary had flown with Ethiopian Airlines from Addis Ababa via Nairobi and on to Malindi . This was the only hotel along the coast that had a swimming pool and where you could go for a dip if you wanted to . You did not need a swimming pool , you had the whole sea there ! I think it was one of the best hotels . You could also play squash and rent surfing boards , but we spent most of the time on the beach . Yes , we had a great time there ! We used to meet at breakfast every morning . Pihlkvist was with us . He was one of those funny guys who always came up with funny expressions . If something tasted nice , he used to say " This does not taste of paraffin ! " We were all at the breakfast table , except Pihlkvist , when Mary said " I think this tastes of paraffin … something tastes of paraffin " . We did not think so , but she may have been a bit choosy . After a while , Pihlkvist arrived and sat down at the table , starts eating and say " This does not taste of paraffin ! " It was so funny and also to see how funny Mary looked ! We were later invited to a party at Hotel Sindbad . We had to wear dinner jackets . Lasse and I decided to fly in to Mombasa to buy black socks for our dinner jackets , because we did not have any with us . We took the Auster this time because it did not use as much fuel and the L5 . When we landed at the airport in Mombasa , we met some Englishmen from Nairobi . The also had an Auster . When you were in Africa with two private aeroplanes , you started talking to each other of course . We asked where they were going and they said they were flying south to Jadini beach . " We land on the beach there , so why don 't you come down and have lunch with us ? " " Yes " , said we , " we just have some shopping to do first . We will be there later . How do we find you ? " " You will see us . Just land on the beach " . We went into town and bought socks and a few other things that we needed and then , just before lunchtime , we took the plane and went to meet with the Englishmen . But as it happened , we did not pay attention . We flew too far inland so we missed them and flew past . After a good while , we realised that we had flown too far . Too right , as I noticed that we had had an incredible following wind . I had not thought about that but you notice it when you make a turn . I thought " oops , we are low on fuel , I have to check this " I did not trust the fuel gauge so we had a dipstick . We were planning to land somewhere there and check with the dipstick to see how much fuel we had left , so we could be certain that it was enough . I landed on the beach but the runway was too short , so the plane tipped on the nose and hit the propeller so a piece of it flew off . It was a wooden propeller . So , what do you do when you are stranded out in the bush ? I always had my tools with me . We stood there on the beach , wondering what we had done wrong . We had landed too far up on the beach and the sand was too soft . If I had landed closer to the water , the sand there was packed solid and we would have had as long a runway as we wanted . We could not continue with one long and one short propeller blade . It causes imbalance in the engine . So , what do you do ? I will have to cut the other blade too , I thought . Fortunately I had a hacksaw with me so I set out to repair the blade . While we were standing there , some people came towards us . A couple of beautiful girls , actually . Bare - breasted . De were wondering what was going on . We could of course not talk to them but we showed what we were doing . We cut the long blade so that they were the same length and then we pulled the plane down to the water and decided that we could not stay there . We checked how much fuel we had left and decided that it was enough to take us to the Englishmen . We would certainly find them now ! We will fly along the coastline by the water and then we will see where they are . We were not sure that the plane would work , if it would take off . We had a long runway and I cranked up the engine and it shot up to max rpm because the propellers were short . I could only give half throttle power . We bounced along on the beach and so we finally took off . Lasse laughed . " Look ! We 're flying ! " he said . We flew some distance along the coast but we still did not see the aeroplanes , because they had pulled them in under the palm trees there . We agreed that this had to be it , because we saw tracks and a hotel , so we landed on that beach . I felt that the sand was packed solid and we continued along the beach . Then an Englishman comes walking along the beach . I opened the window . It was one of those hatches that folds outwards and I shouted to him : " Where is Jadini Beach Hotel ? " He starred at us and said : " It 's over there , Sir " and walked on . In the evening we went to the party at " Sindbad " , dressed in our new black socks . I did not drink a lot . Neither did Onni , I think . I never saw Onni drunk , he was a moderate drinker . Though that night another thing happened . I was asleep and in the small hours before dawn , Onni is knocking on my door . " Rundis ! Up , quickly ! You must fly to Mombasa ! " " What ? No , I don 't feel like flying to Mombasa now … " " Yes , now " said Onni and explained . The hotel Manager had gone to bed with a cigarette in his hand and fallen asleep . The mosquito net above the bed had caught fire and he was so bloody burned that he was unconscious . It was essential to get him to the hospital as quickly as possible . Yes , I was game of course . I took the L5 this time ; the propeller was not very good on the Auster . I remember , Onni and Lasse , it was those two who took care of the man and placed him on the backseat of the plane . He was unconscious the whole time . The buckled him in and so I flew to Mombasa while the others informed the ambulance there that I was on my way and asked them to come and collect him at the airport . I went with them to the hospital to see how things were and to talk to the doctor . He said that we had saved the man 's life . He would not have survived unless he had come in to the hospital so quickly . I think I was the most experienced pilot . The others were not so experienced . Onni was a beginner but he got his licence . He was really good at navigation . He was very skilful . What he did later as well , with the Marathon runners . That was really something ! But it was typical of Onni , he helped others to the front and it was he who did the work in the background . It was typical of him . He was a very kind person . I don 't think he was angry ever . No , I never saw him angry ; on the contrary , if something happened , he always stayed calm . Well , when the holiday was over we went flying . First we flew to Mombasa , Dar - el - Salam and then we stayed on Zanzibar , where we went swimming for a couple of days . After that , we flew to Kilimanjaro . Moshi was the name of the airport . Then we went back to Nairobi . From there , we were planning to fly the same route back home as we had flown there . We flew to Marsabit and met up with the Griffith family again and then came the worst part for Onni and Lasse … We stayed over night and started in the morning after breakfast . We had agreed that this time we were not going to miss each other . We were going to keep contact with each other . We should not do as we did last time . But when we had flown a short distance , I see Onni and Lasse start circling and descend . I was wondering what the heck they were doing . I had no idea of what had happened . Suddenly , they just landed , right in the middle of the volcanic landscape ! They found a spot to land on . I don 't understand how - it was unbelievable but at the same time lucky that the found a spot to descend and land on . Well , I will have to land as well , I thought . So I landed on the same spot . It was not very good , bumpy but it worked . " Well , you see " , said Onni , " the engine cut out ! " It had jammed ! ' So they just had to land . It was incredible that they managed the way they had ! Well , what to do now ? Not much choice but to go back to Marsabit . I could only take one person at the time so I said : " I will fly back to Marsabit and leave Aspliden there and then I will come back , pick up one of you and come back later to pick up the other one . Onni was the one to stay till last . That was typical of him , to send the others off first . Well , they had survived , which was good , but we were not home and dry yet ! They had a plane that they could not continue in and I could not take more than one person at the time , so Onni and Lasse were stranded out there in the bush . The next day , Griffith helped out with a lorry and people . It was not so far to the plane , bit still some distance . We all helped to lift the plane up onto the lorry . We took the plane to Marsabit and put it in their garden . I had no other choice than to continue with my passenger . We could not do anything to solve the situation at the moment . We knew they were alive and that they would make it , but it must have been a heck of a trip … to hitch - hike from the middle of Kenya all the way up to Addis . But they did arrive , unshaven but in good spirit . That was the end of the journey . It took eight months before we got a new engine . We ordered a new engine from England , which was sent down to Nairobi in Kenya . I went down , mounted the engine and flew the plane back to Addis . That time I was alone . It turned into an adventure as well … I was not allowed to fly the same route back , so I had to fly an even worse route - back to Nairobi , down to Mombasa and the follow the coast line up to Somaliland - and that was much longer . But we can talk about that some other time … We planned the travel route so that we were flying from Addis Abeba to Marsabit in north Kenya and after that to Nairobi , Mombasa , Malindi , Zanzibar , Dar - el - Salam , Kilimanjaro , Nairobi and back to Addis Abeba . None of the planes had a radio and therefore we could not communicate with each other in the air or with the radio stations at the airports . All we could do in the air was to try to keep together as best we could . And off we went . When we approached the final destination for the first day , Marsabit , we lost sight of the other plane in the heat haze . We began looking for the airport that should be situated somewhere in the midst of the mountain massif . The visibility was bad , due to the low sun being in front of us . We slowly let the plane descent and started preparing for landing , while eagerly looking for the airfield . Without warning , the engine stopped and we lost height rapidly and the airport was still not to be seen anywhere . We were now on the edge of the massif , which on the south side declined towards vast desert areas . Fast action was required ! We decided to stop looking for the airport and instead glide down along the slope in the hope of finding a suitable place for landing . There was a strange silence now that the engine was dead and we soared down like a bird . Then suddenly the engine started whirring again and we breathed out in relief . It only worked for some 20 seconds and then it went quiet again . That kept happening for a couple of minutes and it helped us gain some height over the slope below us , which had now approached precariously . We headed for nearest level ground , but that was still several kilometres away . Then the engine cut out for good and the altimeter showed that we were descending alarmingly fast and got closer and closer to the undulating hill . A couple of thermal winds helped us gain a few metres a couple of times , but … Even the edge of the desert , which we were approaching now , showed to be rather undulated and not at all suitable for landing . Now we were only approximately 40 metres over the ground and we could not keep the plane up any longer , so we would have to land . We landed in a curve to avoid a big sandbank to the right and during the last few metres in the air , the landing gear scraped against the dry shrubs on the edge of the desert . We got down without mishaps but it had been an exciting time . When we stepped out of the plane , a heat like in an oven met us , it was not long before the shirt clung to the body from sweat , and we started feeling thirsty . We had eaten our afternoon snack in the plane an hour back , thinking that we would soon land in Marsabit and did not worry about rationing food and drink . All we had left now was a drop of tea and an egg and we did not dare to touch the tea . We soon discovered that the trouble had been the magnet , but since the sun was going down , we decided to spend the night trying to sleep under the plane . The inside was like a sauna . Darkness fell fast and we stretched out on the warm sand with a seat - cushion each as a pillow . Sleeping was impossible . Loads of insects and bugs irritated us and we had a full time job , trying to get at them under our sticky shirts . In the dark , we heard different sounds from animals that were coming closer , wherefore we preferred to get back into the cabin , even though it was hot and uncomfortable . The next morning we started repairing the magnet . The work took several hours and the heat increased bit by bit . We were so thirsty now , that we avoided talking to each other . The only place where we could get some shade was under the wings , but it was hot even in the shade . During the descent down to the desert the previous day , we had lost quite a lot of petrol , when the float jammed . When we measured , we found that we only had around 17 litres left now , i . e . enough for maybe 40 minutes flying . Would that be enough to warm up the engine and fly up to the mountain top ? We did not think so . We decided to try to figure out our exact position by pacing the distance to a couple of hills that did not look too far away . We walked for hours , but it turned out to be much further than we had estimated , so we had to return to the plane . Our thirst was almost unbearable now and when my friend offered me a Läkerol ( a Swedish throat lozenge ) , that he found in his equipment , it turned many times worse . The lozenge stuck like a lump of pitch in the dry palate . On our stumbling walk back to the plane , we caught sight of a caravan of people in the distance . We hurried towards them as fast as we could , shouting and whistling , but the distance was too great for them to hear us . We had to reach them , we thought . They must have water and it looked like they were carrying burdens on their heads . When we came closer , we saw that they were ostriches , walking in line . From a distance , they looked just like people who were carrying something on their heads . We had to sit down , for the run had made us even more tired , hungry and thirsty . We went as far as to try to hit guinea fowl with stones , where they wandered around in the scrubland . They were walking around only a few metres away , without showing any fear of us . When we got closer , they annoyingly moved away a few metres . We now decided to start the engine and fly northeast , towards the only road , stretching from the south up to Marsabit . After that , we would follow the road as far as we could and possibly try landing on the road and go by foot to Marsabit . The start went well and we reached the road after the calculated 20 minutes flying . The road turned out to be very bad and not suitable for landing . We followed it for some distance and happily spotted a small native village with inhabitants . We now decided to land on best suitable , or maybe I should say " best unsuitable " , spot . Come what may , we needed water . We spotted a little slope and we landed there . That we managed to land without seriously damaging the plane , was more luck than skill . The plane jumped and skipped over tussocks and scrubs and we had to veer to both sides to avoid the small trees . As soon as we had stopped , a bunch of natives gathered around the plane and they looked a bit suspiciously at us , babbling in a language that we did not understand at all . We tried to sign to them that we were thirsty . They led us into the large hut that probably belonged to the chief , and , from an animal hide that hung off the wall , they offered us some dirty brown water that you normally would not want to wash your feet in . This water tasted like a Godsend . All you had to do was to push the flies aside and gulp down several bowls . When I had quenched the worst of the thirst , I took out a cigarette , struck a match and lit it . The natives looked at my cigarette and one of them asked to have one . I gave him matches and a cigarette . He put the match to the cigarette without striking it on the striking surface first . Then he waited for it to start burning , but nothing happened and he looked very bewildered . It surfaced that they had never dealt with matches before . When I later took out a Läkerol lozenge , they wanted to try that . I gave the nearest man one . He sucked it a few times and then passed it on the next man , who did the same and so the lozenge passed round the group . When I later started doing a few tricks for them , the whole assembly came to life . They drove out the remaining sheep and goats that were still in the hut and instead most of the villagers , there were not very many , gathered inside . I swallowed burning matches and cigarettes and they soon regarded me as a big medicine man and now the atmosphere changed to our advantage . Through signing and a few words that they understood , such as " Marsabit " and " police " , I managed to make them understand that I wanted a message sent off to the Police Commissioner in Marsabit . After I had written down a message on a piece of paper , they sent a rider off on a mule . He very soon came back , since he had met a lorry that was on its way south from Marsabit . The driver had promised to take us with him . While we were loading our things onto the lorry , an English military aeroplane came right over us , on its way towards Marsabit . After a while , another one showed up and they caught sight of us and started circling over the place . We understood that they were looking for us and signed to them that all was well . They answered , by sign , that they had comprehended and they continued north . On the way , we saw very many elephants , which was interesting to us , who now saw wild elephants for the first time . We were overjoyed when we arrived in Marsabit . The other plane with the two Swedes had found the airport . They had waited for a while for us to arrive , but had then started searching . The next day , they had even alerted the English Air Force in Nairobi , asking for scouting help , and it was those planes we had seen . After a bath and a change of clothes , dinner tasted splendid and , in front of the open fire , we told them about our adventure . We stayed with the hospitable Police Commissioner and his wife a couple of days , during which we picked up our plane and gave it an overhaul . The first night , when we walked over to the building where we should sleep , we had not walked more than ten metres from the main building , when we stopped dead in our steps by a lion 's roar . We could only see a pair of eyes , reflecting the light from the building . The Police Commissioner came running out with a rifle and a lamp , but the lion luckily retreated . The following night , we walked straight into three buffalos that were standing right outside the door . Even that time , we got away scot - free . The biggest problem for the Police Commissioner was the elephants , who roamed around in the area , destroying the small garden that he had struggled to keep alive in the drought . It was with deep regret that we left the nice family a few days later . Our next destination was Nairobi and we arrived there without trouble . When there , we could read in the East African Standard that we had been missing and that searches for us had been on . We now had to tell the whole story to the press and the next day , there were flaming headlines on the front page about our rescue and our adventures . My wife , who was waiting at the beach hotel in Nyale Beach by the Indian Ocean , did not know anything about what had happened to us until she read about the adventure in the papers . We had decided to go on a trip . It was Onni , Mary , Ingvar Aspliden , Ingvar " Lasse " Larsson and me . We had arranged for permission to fly . We did not have a radio but got permission to fly from Ethiopia . We could not fly direct to Nairobi . There was not a chance to do that because we had to land twice on the way to fill up with fuel . There was no fuel in Ethiopia so we went to Air Force outside Addis . They flew to all sorts of places . We asked them to dump a tank of fuel for us the day before we were to take off , so we could land there and fill up . They did that and it worked very well . I think it was a few days before we set off that we were invited to Haile Selassie at the palace … it was a heck of a party ! They served alcohol . I don 't know how long it was between … I don 't think we flew the day after , he - he . We had to be in good shape when we left . We knew that it was rather a challenge to fly over the mountains there , but in Ethiopia I had flown earlier so there it was not a problem . We flew in pairs so we were in contact with each other all the time . Eye contact , that is . We had decided that earlier so we would not lose contact , since we did not have any radio contact . The first landing was planned for Marsabit in northern Kenya . It was a very special site , I will never forget it , that place … It was situated out in the terrain … there was only one family . He was District Commissioner , Police Colonel , and was from South Africa but of British descent . Mr Griffith was his name . I will never forget him . There was a small airport and that is where we were headed . That was the first stop on the journey , Marsabit in Kenya . Then it happened … we used to take turns flying . Lasse did one distance and then Onni took over for another distance and now I had flown my distance in Ethiopia . Aspliden was a pilot , too , but he did not have a lot of experience . Lasse and I had the most flight experience so we were so to say " in command " , the ones who were in charge should anything happen . There has to be someone in charge . I was sitting in the back and Asplind was a teacher in navigation , so I was convinced that he would do OK . There were no problems so I relaxed . Then suddenly Onni and Lasse disappeared . We could not see them , but there was not point in searching because we only had enough fuel to make it to Marsabit . We had to go on , so we did . But Aspliden could not find the airport , he just could not find it ! We found out why . It happens that , on the map , there is s special sign for mountain that looks like a moon on top of a mountain , but when it is a crater it is a crescent and we had missed that . We saw the crescent but thought it was a mountain . It was a crater where we should have landed but we flew past that airport without seeing it and Aspliden was getting nervous . He wasn 't so experienced and now he thought we had to do an emergency landing . We could not fly until we ran out of fuel . We had to land while we had fuel left . " You have to do this " said Aspliden . " Well " , said I , " it 's not so easy from back here " . Of course I sat in the back and you can 't do any emergency landings from there . " Well , what do we do now then ? Can 't we change places ? " In that cramped cockpit . " Let us try " I said . So I crawled up front and sat on the side . I was folded over in 90 degrees and got hold of the control stick so that Aspliden could crawl over to the back seat . When he got out of the seat , I could sit down and buckle up . then I thought that " now we have to find somewhere to land " . I was rather experienced at " bush landings " . I knew the L5 . I knew that even when the fuel gauge went down to red you could still fly for a good while . Well , at least for another 10 minutes . I could not find a good place and realised I had to find somewhere . Then I saw a road . We got to the road and I thought it had to go to the airport . And sure enough it did , so after a short while I saw the airport . I had found it . I just dived down and landed , without checking wind or anything . I did that because I knew that the engine would cut out any second . And when we had landed and taxed in , the engine cut out . We had just made it ! We had been so occupied with our troubles so we had not had time to think about Onni and Lasse , but now that we had arrived at Marsabit and landed , we started getting worried . They were not there ! What on earth had happened to them , we thought . The Mr Griffith came out and picked us up . It was the first time we met . He invited us to dinner but we were so down in the mouth , thinking that Onni and Lassa had crashed somewhere . The terrain around was very rough with volcanoes and such . I don 't think I slept at all that night . The Griffith family were very nice and hospitable , but we could not appreciate that when our friends were gone . Mr . Griffit to the left and Daniel Rundström to the right Early next morning we reported to the British Air Force in Nairobi that one of our aircrafts was missing . They immediately sent out a plane to search for our friends . Aspliden and I also started combing the area systematically . We thought that they could not be so darn far away . We kept searching all day . Nothing ! " What the heck has happened " we wondered . But during the evening Onni and Lasse arrived by lorry and we were of course incredibly happy ! But where on earth was the plane ? This Auster Onni bought together with Daniel Rundström in the beginning of the fifties . Daniel came to Ethiopia 1946 as a young flight technician and worked at Bishoftu for von Rosen . Daniel is still alive and well and lives at Dominica in east Caribbean . He have given me so many stories from his life that I have material for a book about his fantastic life . He was born 1925 and his dream today is to build an airplane and fly from Dominica to Ethiopia . " That time there in Ethiopia during the 40s and 50s meant a lot to me . I was only 20 years old , not even reached lawful age yet . At that time , you had to apply to the authorities to travel abroad alone if you were not of age . I arrived in Ethiopia in 1946 , just after the war . During the trip there I got to witness all the misery that the war caused in Europe . It started with Amsterdam , where you could see the bomb craters at the airport . Onni was in Ethiopia when I arrived . He had left the military life . I thought that was good . He was made Secretary General of the Red Cross . The thing with Onni was that he was always in the background . He never made a fuss of himself . But he was behind most things . He was very friendly with the Duke of Harrar ( son of Emperor Haile Selassie ) . So was I , since I taught him a bit of technical stuff . He was interested in flying and so was Onni . We bought a plane together , Onni and I . I went to India . Onni was very good friends with Thomson . He was Canadian and worked for the mission there . He was in frequent contact with Onni and it was Onni who hinted a little about me , so that I came to India . I had just got my pilot 's license , Ethiopian certificate , and did not have a lot of experience . I had approximately 80 flight hours behind me . So I went to India and bought an aeroplane . We bought it together , Onni and I , in 1950 . The plane we bought together , I shipped from Bombay to Aden by boat . It did not have a long range . The distances were too long to fly , but I flew another plane , a " Norsman " , from Bombay to Addis Ababa . I landed in Pakistan , in Karachi , and then in Marsays , on the island Masirah outside the Arabian east coast . On to Salalah , that is located between the Persian Gulf and the Gulf of Aden . Salalah was an English protectorate so RAF had an airbase there . From there I flew on to Ethiopia and Addis Ababa . Later , after about a month , the plane that Onni and I bought arrived in Aden . It came in a crate , it was almost new but we got it cheap . You could buy aeroplanes very cheap during those years . I went to Aden and assembled the " cart " and flew it to Addis . About Onni , I would like to say that he had very good organisation skills , he could organise things . It was he who arranged things when IFK Norrköping were in Addis to play football . He arranged it all . It was he who told me to fly over the football ground and drop the ball for kick off , to make it a bit fun , and the Emperor was there . He arranged at lot of things for the Emperor . There were Red Cross parties , motorcycle races . I have a programme from one of those where Onni is listed as organiser . I got along well with Onni . We had a lot of fun together , Onni and I . Later , in the mid 1950 's , I flew with him in a plane from Yemen to Addis Ababa . He had just divorced Mary . She later died before he did . I think she was a plucky girl . I appreciated her , she was fun and always attending all parties . We always had lots of parties in those days . Mary was a very intelligent person . I actually spent rather a lot of time with Onni and Mary . We did a lot of things together . We were out flying this Auster . But the flight we did together , that is the best . To me , that topped everything ! That was really some flight , I can tell you ! I think that is the strongest memory I have of Onni is that trip . We stayed at the same hotel and went swimming at Malindi by the Indian Ocean . Onni did not have a lot of experience as a pilot so I suggested he 'd take a more experienced pilot and good friend of mine with him . Lasse Larsson . Ingvar Larsson was his name but everybody called him Lasse . He and Onni went in the Auster and I flew the L - 5 together with another special person , who is dead now . He was a meteorologist and named Ingvar Aspliden . He got hold of an American woman at the American Embassy in Addis and married her . He eventually ended up in Virginia , USA . The plane that Onni flew certainly had room for four , but we had to take a lot of extra fuel , so Mary had to fly Ethiopian Airlines to Nairobi and then we met up at Malindi . There was another man there when we arrived . Pilkvist was his name and I think that he and Mary had travelled there together . We only met in Malindi and then we separated again . Onni and I flew further south to Dar es Salaam and Zanzibar . On my way home I had met a girl who lived near Kilimanjaro . We landed there on the way because I wanted to see this girl . Then we flew back via Nairobi . But this was the most smashing thing of the trip … but maybe I should start at the beginning … but it was just unbelievable ! " |
I have maybe two big bursts of productive , focused energy per day : One right in the morning , first thing . This is good for workdays , since I have to be in at 8 : 30 , and for weekends , because that 's when all the things I procrastinate on during the week get ( at least partially ) finished . Wait , can something be " partially finished ? " You know what I mean . The other really creative time of day is actually at night , right before I fall asleep . There 's a short period of time just between being fully awake and falling - asleep where spatial perception , which I 've always had trouble with during waking hours , becomes very easy for me . Complex plans and shapes and structures and ideas seem simple and self - explanatory . New , innovative ways of seeing things or ideas spring , full - blown , into my mind . Anyway , it 's snowing again and I 'm still loving it . I shoveled my car out for the drive to work and , after a lot of huffing and snow down my boots , got about 40 feet up Carversville Road and was like , " Yeah , right . " And I carefully turned around and came home again . Haha , just kidding . I like to march around declaring " Aw , it 's not gonna snow " while everyone runs around in a panic , their snowfall predictions increasing exponentially . Superstitiously , I secretly think that this will work as some sort of anti - jinx and that it will snow even more . Yesterday I found a HUGE cardboard box of treasures still unpacked from my move , back in May . It was like Christmas ! Dozens of teeny tiny newspaper - wrapped treasures , just waiting for me to exclaim over them and pile them up all over the house . Hooray ! January 30 , 2010 in Updates | Leave a comment I slept until 2 p . m . today ! I * never * sleep this late . Given , I was up until 5 - something reading home - decorating blogs . I think I am going through a " nesting " thing . I want to clean and decorate and bring home lots of junk to drive Thom crazy . Does this ever happen to you ? I tried to trim away the wood with an exacto blade , but it didn 't work . My boyfriend tried to pry it up , but then he got cranky so I made him go away . Finally I managed to cram the hammer under there and crack the board into two pieces ! It was the best day ever . Like opening up an ancient secret tomb ! Malady liked it too . Here 's the left side … … and here 's the right . I also stuck the camera down there so I could see where it went . It went straight . Here 's what I found down there : December 25 , 2009 in Bibliophile , Don 't read . Watch TV instead . , Updates | Tags : authors , holidays | Leave a comment I love sobering holiday - themed stories and poems . Hopefully posting this here won 't get me sued . The lunchroom , even with all its tinsel and lights and cutouts of Santa Claus , still looked like the lunchroom concrete floor , windowless cinder - block walls , long humming lights that were encased in things like egg cartons across the ceiling and were different from the lights Sally had at home . She remembered sitting under those same lights in the first grade , hungry but not wanting to eat her chicken sandwich because Leah had made it , because it was something from home , and the thrumming , greenish light had made her want to cry . Now she was in the fourth grade , but the lights still made her feel homesick and sad . She had never been in the lunchroom at night before . Even at night it was exactly the same , and made her feel the same way . Tonight the tables were folded up and the chairs were arranged in rows . A wooden platform that looked homemade stood against the back wall . Mrs . Mills 's fourth - grade class was having its Christmas pageant . Everybody was dressed up , and some of the little girls looked as though they had been at the beauty parlor , but Sally 's hair was short and she hadn 't gone . She was wearing a plaid pinafore , a white shirt and red leotard , and black patent - leather shoes . Usually she liked this outfit but tonight she had not wanted to wear it because it seemed irreverent . In her room , before leaving home , she had searched about hastily for something that would make her look more religious ; at last , she draped a white dresser - scarf over her head . It made her look like a bride , or the Virgin Mary . For a while she practiced supplicant poses in the mirror - holding her hands out , palms up , eyes fumed to heaven . Then Leah , the maid , had come in without Sally seeing her and laughed . It irritated Sally , but still she wanted very badly to wear the dresser - scarf ; she had lied to Leah , telling her that everybody was supposed to wear them , and had gotten a swat on the hand . Sally 's part was the letter T in the word Christmas . Each child was to wear a big sign with the proper letter , and they were to step forward and explain what their letter meant when the time came . The C in Christmas stood for candy , the H for holly , and so forth . Sally 's part went like this : It was a silly poem , not a real one . Mrs . Mills had made it up . Besides which , the letters did not stand for what Mrs . Mills said they did . C stood for Christ , not candy ; H was certainly for Herod . Sally had wanted to be M because that stood for Mary , but she was glad that Mrs . Mills had picked Kenny Priddy and not her because Mrs . Mills had made it mean mistletoe , and that meant kissing , and people would laugh . Sally had tried to explain this to her best friend , a little girl named Tammy Dankin . Tammy was not popular and sometimes her nose ran , but Sally liked her because she would play the games that Sally liked to play , games that were generally religions in nature and that usually involved Sally falling on the ground and pretending to be dead while Tammy knelt at her side and implored God revive her . Sally had a gift for remaining completely motionless in these postures , hardly breathing even when Tammy shook her or pulled her hair , sometimes she would lie so still that Tammy would become frightened and begin to cry . A few weeks before , at recess , Sally had drawn Tammy aside from a game of jump rope especially to explain how Mrs . Mills had left all mention of Christ out of the Christmas pageant , and why the Christmas pageant was sacrilege , and how they must both take up the burden of prayer and penance in order to appease God 's wrath against Mrs . Mills . " It shall be better for her , " Sally had explained , " if she had had a millstone around her neck and were thrown into the sea . " But Tammy was impatient ; she kept glancing around and bumping her knees together ; at last , she had said , " I like Mrs . Mills , " and had run back to her game . Before , Sally had asked God for mercy ; now she prayed to Him for vengeance . She felt that her prayer would be answered , as her penance had been quite severe . She had walked around the house blindfolded until Leah heard her bumping into things and made her take the blindfold off ; she had brought the scratchy wire doormat up to her bedroom from the tool shed so that she could kneel on it at night to pray ; for the last week she had thrown away her sandwich at lunchtime and refused her dessert at night . She had prayed for the most spectacular things she could think of , all the very worst things in the Bible she could find : for rains of fire , for locusts , for the profaned lunchroom to tumble down around her ears like the temple had fallen around Samson . Now , with the pageant starting soon , she rested in the knowledge that God would deliver her . Suddenly Sally felt a large hand dig into her upper arm ; she turned and saw Mrs . Mills towering over her , her big silly eyes popping like Bing cherries . She had on the Christmas corsage the class had given her and she was wearing a red knit dress with a tie at the waist that made her stomach pooch out even more than it usually did . Her brittle , peach - colored hair was piled high on her head but already the curls looked rubbed and worn , like doll hair ; Sally thought , with some satisfaction , about the time she had heard her mother say that Mrs . Mills ought not to go around with such messy hair . " Poor old thing , " her mother had said . " Maybe she can 't afford to have it fixed . " " Sally , " said Mrs . Mills severely . She did not let go of Sally 's arm , which made Sally mad ; she did not like it when Mrs . Mills touched her . " I don 't know what you think you 're doing over here . You ought to be over there with the Christmas letters . You don 't even have on your costume yet . " The Christmas letters were all standing in a straggly line by the lunchroom door , waiting to have their costumes fixed and drinking cups of punch . A couple of mothers were helping with the costumes , and Sally was unhappy to see that Tammy 's mother , Mrs . Dankin , was among them . Toward the beginning of school , Sally had been in the grocery store with Leah , and Mrs . Dankin , pushing a shopping cart , had come up to speak to them . After asking Sally a question or two about school , she had turned to Leah . " This one , " she said , nodding at Sally , " has quite an imagination . " " You really wouldn 't believe , " said Mrs . Dankin , in a bright voice , but with a mean sideways look at Sally , " some of the crazy stuff she 's been telling Tammy . " It had looked for a moment as if she would elaborate , and Sally had thought she might cry , but Leah , unexpectedly , had been very sweet . " This baby is mighty smart , " she said sharply to Mrs . Dankin . " She knew how to read when she was three . " Still , it had all been very embarrassing . She was glad her mother hadn 't been there ; then again , her mother had Leah and never had to go to the grocery store like Mrs . Dankin did . Mrs . Dankin , together with somebody else 's mother , was fixing Frankie Detweiler 's costume . He was to be the letter I , for icicle ; the mothers were absent - mindedly draping Christmas - tree icicles over his shoulders and talking . Sally , keeping her eyes straight ahead , listened to their conversation . It was very interesting . Mrs . Dankin was telling the other mother that very early the morning before , she had woken up to someone beating on the glass pane of the back door of her kitchen . " Beating , " said Mrs . Dankin , " just slapping up against it with both hands , over and over . " She let the icicles she was holding fall on Frankie 's shoulder and held up both palms to demonstrate . " Well , do you know who it was ? It was that awful Henry Lee Priddy . " ( Was that Kenny 's father ? wondered Sally . ) " And he just kept beating on the glass and yelling , ' I 'm drunk , I 'm drunk , call the police , I 'm drunk . ' " Sally thought about this . Why had this been such a bad thing , when Mr . Priddy had only wanted to turn himself in ? She was still wondering about this after they had stopped whispering and resumed normal conversation , which was very boring and about people she didn 't know . Then , with a horrible start , she heard her own mother 's name : Christine Farquhar . Little girl , thought Sally , her face reddening . So now they were talking about her . And they had called Leah nigger . Anybody knew that wasn 't nice . " Maybe it 's the niggers tell her all that nutty stuff about hell . I can 't figure where else she gets it . It scares poor Tammy . The other night she woke up crying . Ray had to go in and talk to her . " My mother is prettier than you , Sally wanted to say to them , lots prettier , she has more money and her hair is really red , not dyed like yours is . They would be sorry for this . She would go home and tell Leah and Leah 's husband would go out and shoot them . Leah 's husband was named Jackson . He had been in jail before . Sally was thinking about Jackson , about how Mrs . Dankin would look if she opened the back door of her kitchen and saw Jackson standing there with a gun , when she felt a sharp jab from a fingernail in her left arm . She turned , irritably , and saw Kenny Priddy , who was the letter M , holding up two crossed fingers . " Sally germs , vaccinated , " he said , in a twangy , leering singsong ; with a shiver she noticed how dirty and long his fingernails were . For a moment she thought of telling him that he wasn 't playing the game right , that what did she care if she got a dose of her own germs ; instead , she turned away . " Is your mama here ? " said Kenny , leaning over . Sally did not answer . " Hey , I 'm talking to you , " he said , grabbing her by the arm . " Is your mama here or what ? " Sally looked at him , at his eager , rattish face , at his dirty hair and clothes . He was trembling all over with excitement like a Chihuahua . You were supposed to feel sorry for people like Kenny because he lived in a trailer and was poor . Sally did not see how anyone could feel sorry for Kenny , though , even Jesus . He was mean to animals and had failed a grade . " No , " she said . " My mother is not here , " said Sally , " because she is in the hospital having her appendix removed . " This was a lie . Sally 's mother was actually at a party out at the country club . " My mama 's here , " said Kenny , and pointed to a woman in the sixth or seventh row . The woman had Kenny 's close - set eyes ; her hair was gray - blonde like his , too , and all dirty and limp . Unlike the other mothers , who were all dressed up , she had on blue jeans with a hole at the knee and a T - shirt from a motorcycle dealership . Under the T - shirt her chest was all caved in , flat as a man 's . Nobody was talking to her , not even the other tacky - looking mothers , and she had her arms folded over the purse in her lap as if she thought somebody would want to steal it . Then the purse moved ; Sally , startled , saw that it was not a purse at all , but a baby . " Ain 't she pretty , " said Kenny . He meant it , too , and that was sad . " Them 's my brothers next to her , Darryl and Wayne . That baby in her lap 's only my stepsister . Her name 's Misty Darlene . " He went on talking about the new baby but Sally wasn 't paying attention . Mrs . Dankin and the other mother were putting the final touches on S for snow 's costume . Next in line was her . " I almost didn 't have to be in this stupid play , " said Kenny conversationally . " My daddy came to town to get me for the weekend but they 're not suppose to let me see him . He lives at French Camp . I got a brother down at the reform school at French Camp . My daddy , " he said proudly , " just got out of prison . " " That 's very interesting , " said Sally . She was about to ask what that was when suddenly there were Mrs . Dankin and the other mother , leaning over her . " You 're T for tinsel , " said Mrs . Dankin as if Sally didn 't know what her own part was . Meekly Sally bent her head , like a pony waiting for the bridle , and allowed the sign that said T to be put around her neck . " Know why you have to be T ? " crowed Kenny . He was hopping from foot to foot and trembling with joy . " Because you smell just like tee - tee , that 's - " " Hush up , " said Mrs . Dankin to him nastily . " You 'll be wearing one of these yourself in a minute . " Mrs . Dankin didn 't like Kenny any more than Sally did . The other mother , her arms draped with tinsel , walked around Sally and looked at her in a dissatisfied fashion , lifting up a piece of Sally 's hair - dark , bobbed at the nape like a Chinaman 's . " I don 't know why a child with long hair wasn 't chosen for this part , " she said . " We could have braided the tinsel inn ' if it was just a little longer . " Sally 's face felt very hot . " My mother won 't let me have long hair until I 'm old enough to take care of it myself , " she said . " My mother says long hair on little girls is tacky . " Mrs . Dankin exchanged a disgusted look with the other mother , and suddenly Sally remembered : Tammy Dankin had hair halfway down her back . But it was true : her mother really did say that . Besides , having short hair meant that you Denied the World . They were quiet a moment , looking at her . All of a sudden Kenny began to jump up and down . " I want my costume , I want my costume , " he sang in a high , breathless voice . " I 've got some mistletoe , " sang Kenny to Sally , holding a sprig of mistletoe that he 'd torn off this costume up over her head and sticking his face in hers . " I guess that means we should kiss . " There was a big red smear across his mouth from the Christmas punch . Sally turned her head away . The Christmas letters , shuffling , restless , were waiting in the hall outside the lunchroom , being watched by a couple of mothers . They were to go on after Santa 's Elves . She could hear them in the lunchroom now , singing their stupid song . Mrs . Mills was making some mistakes on the piano . She couldn 't play very well . Kenny nudged Sally in the ribs with his elbow . " If I wanted to , " he said , " I could beat you up . Right here . " " I know a retarded boy , " said Kenny pleasantly . " His name is Tom Bibbett . What he does , is , go around all the time with a straight pin and pretend to give everyone shots . He 's my first cousin , I guess . " Kenny waited until she had passed and then resumed . " Every day Tom Bibbett has to take the bus into Tupelo to the Mental Retardation . He knows a lot of other retarded kids . Probably he knows your boyfriend . " " Well , you tell him to hush up . " She opened the door to the lunchroom ; a flag of light fell into the hall . " Go on , " she whispered to the C , and gave him a little push . Sally couldn 't see anything , just a few stout , beaming faces in the first row ; the sound of applause rolled over her . Flashbulbs popped here and there . Somebody had a movie camera and was walking backward with it down the aisle , all crouched over . Then the clapping died down and there was no sound at all except the rustling of programs and the whir of the movie camera . " Aww , " said the mothers when she had finished , and clapped very loudly . They had been taken in by the baby voice and by Tammy 's size ; she was the littlest girl in the class . Tammy giggled and , to Sally 's disgust , curtsied . Tammy was like one of those bad children of Israel in captivity ; she knew better and yet was happy to do wrong and show off if anyone at all approved . It was all going so fast , much faster than Sally had expected ; somehow she had thought it would take hours . In a few moments it would be her turn . Her eyes were filling with tears ; she couldn 't see anything but a fuzz of brightness . They could hear Mrs . Mills by the door now , squeaking , breathless . " I 'm sorry , sir , but we 're in the middle of our little program right now . Why don 't you just come in and - " It was a man , in a greasy T - shirt , cowboy boots , and jeans . He was huge , red - eyed , unshaven ; blue and black tattoos snaked luridly up his forearms ; there was a bottle of whiskey in his hand . He staggered out to the front of the stage and stood there for a moment , blinded by the spotlight , one arm thrown up to shade his eyes , blinking , reeling . " RaeLynn , " he said hoarsely . " Where are you , RaeLynn Priddy ? " There was the quick sound of a chair being scraped back , and Kenny 's mother jumped up . " Get out of here before I call the cops , Henry Lee , " she yelled at him . " You ain 't got no - " Mr . Priddy lurched forward ) his foot caught in the cord to the Christmas lights and he almost fell . With a savage kick he sent the cord flying out of the socket , and half the room went black . Someone screamed . " I come for my kid , " he said . " Mr . Yopp ! " shrieked Mrs . Mills . " Somebody run find Mr . Yopp ! " Mr . Yopp was a retired electrician ; he was the janitor at the elementary school . There was a quick flash of silver ; the next second , Kenny 's mother was standing very still , and her eyes were wide , and Mr . Priddy had his arm around her neck and the knife at the end of her tiny , pinched nose . " Hell , RaeLynn , " he said in her ear , in an aw - shucks kind of voice , full of regret . " You know I will . " Mrs . Mills was still crying for Mr . Yopp . Sally wondered what she thought Mr . Yopp would be able to do even if he had been there . Mr . Yopp was about seventy years old ; he had lost an arm in an accident down at the power plant . " Tammy ! " screamed Mrs . Dankin . She was kneeling on the floor to the left of the stage , her arms outstretched . " Run here ! Run to Mama ! " " That damn dog like to chewed my leg off . Get the boy , RaeLynn , " he said unexpectedly , with a jerk of his head , and let Mrs . Priddy slip out from under his arm and go to Kenny , who was so proud and excited that he had thrown his sign halfway across the stage and was jumping up and down . Then he fumed to Mrs . Dankin and Tammy . Both of them were motionless with terror ; he took a step toward them , the knife outstretched and his eyes glittering . " I get a bruise on my leg , " he said , " the size of a grapefruit . " His voice was kind , almost reasonable . " I ought to cut you and this brat of yours wide open . " There was the sound , outside , of feet running down the hall and of Mrs . Mills yelling frantically , " In here ! In here ! " The next second , two policemen ran in the door . They both had guns . Without anyone noticing , Sally walked quietly around Mr . Priddy and off the stage , through the wailing mob of mothers , past the policemen with their drawn guns , into the empty hall . Then she went to the pay phone to call Jackson to pick her up in the car . Leah had given her a dime to keep in her pocket so that she could call somebody to get her when the program was over . After she hung up the phone , she went outside . There was a lot going on . Two police cars were there , and an ambulance , and lots of people . Over in the parking lot some cars were pulling out , but there were still knots of gabbling mothers and children in the lights by the school doorway . The ambulance men in white were bringing out people on stretchers . Several mothers had fainted , Frankie Detweiler had had one of those fits of his , and some mother had been trying so hard to get away that she had tripped over something and broken her leg . Mrs . Mills had just come outside ; Sally listened with one ear as she began to tell a policeman her story of what had happened . It was funny : she was saying that Mr . Priddy had shoved her at the door and threatened her with the knife . He had done no such thing . Everyone was talking very loudly , but their voices seemed far away . Sally took her sign off her neck and put it down on the ground and sat on it , looking out into the dark at the end of the driveway for Jackson 's car . It was funny , how ignorant they all were . Tonight they had seen the work of the Lord and understood it not ; they had seen a miracle , and yet had not believed . April 10 , 2009 in Updates | 2 comments It 's been exactly one year since I wrote this . I 'm still living here . Coincidentally ( or perhaps not ) , yesterday I came home to a long note on my door from Norman 's widow , Sue . My living " situation " ( or whatever you want to call it ) has been pretty strange in the past year . Mostly just confusing , actually . It goes a little something like this : I live in a little cottage behind a bigger house , where Norman and Sue lived . I 've been on a month - to - month lease for three years now . After Norman died , I missed a few months ' rent ( partly due to confusion over whom to pay it , partly due to me not being able to afford it and sticking my head in the sand ) and then started paying rent to " The Estate of Norman Ganter " via a lawyer . I 've been paying the back rent gradually , in addition to my normal rent , each month . More confusing stuff : Norman and Sue had been together for many years , but had only married a month or so before his death . Everyone thought that Norman didn 't have a will , and then they found some really old will from before Norman and Sue had even met . I don 't know what was in it . It 's taken me an entire year to glean these little scraps of information . Meanwhile , the property , which is large and picturesque , but dilapidated , has been the subject of all sorts of confusing claims ( Yurgi 's lawyer , mentioned above , is one Robert F . Ruehl , whom everyone seems to abhor . He tells me the house is " cash poor " ) . The most recent event , she informed me , is that the property is now for sale and that she 's tired , and ready to move on . She wants to leave within a few weeks . There 's no reason why I should move , too , that I can tell , besides the fact that a lot of confusing shit is going on and I 'd be better off without it . I don 't want to move , though . If I did , I would have been out of here a long time ago . But the rent is very cheap , the cottage is adorable , we have a giant back yard , and it 's a good distance from both my jobs . Plus , to be honest , I can 't afford to leave . I don 't have money for a deposit on a new rental , let alone a house to buy . Regardless , a Realtor is coming today to … do something … assess the property , I guess , and tell us to make it look nice . I took the day off work so I could be here to talk to her . She 's going to need a copy of my keys - keys ? I have one key , which I 've used maybe five times in three years . It 's that sort of neighborhood . But here 's the thing : I don 't really want the house to sell . If it sells , I 'll most likely have to move . And I can 't . And still , despite ( or because of ) all this , I 'm still so confused . I don 't know who my legal landlord is . I don 't know whom to call when something breaks down . I don 't know why I haven 't simply been evicted ( I missed three months ' rent , for Christ 's sake ) , and that 's led me to believe I can 't be . |
Anyway , this morning , I went out for coffee and such , and came back with a full coffee tray and two bags . As I approached the front door of the building with both hands full , hoping somebody would be inside and open the door for me , the door swung open . By itself . " Here , let me take that , " I heard her say . Then I felt a tug at one of the bags , the one with my toasted - buttered - and - jellied bagel in it . I thought it was safe , half - remembering some crazy thing about Paulette not needing to eat , so I let it go . " Didn 't need to eat ? " repeated a voice coming from a mouth plainly full of food . " I never said anything like that . Must have been your imagination . " Then a few seconds later there was a burst of laughter . She took a few seconds to compose herself before replying , " It * was * your imagination . Do you remember a character named Maria from some bad dream you tried to make into a story ? You called it ' Imaginary Catfight ' but you wound up ditching it , remember ? " " Wait a minute . How do you know about Maria ? That was a dream - " I whispered , as the elevator doors opened . Again I grabbed at what * had * been my bagel , missing it this time as it dove into the bag it came from . I reached for the bag , but again it slid out of my reach before lifting itself from the floor and floating out of the elevator . I was worried that someone would see it , but if they did , no one said anything . I picked up the rest of my stuff and walked down the hall toward my desk . " You wrote the story down , remember ? Hel - LO ? It was right there in black and white , or whatever color you write in and white … and getting back to me eating : I 'm alive , OK ? Maybe I wasn 't * born * like you , but still I have substance . I have a body , and it needs food . " " - never seen me eat ? Never known me to have to ' use the facilities ' ? Such questions ! I have to confess , I was trying to live up to my screen name , Mystery Woman . I wanted to create an aura of mystery about myself . Silly , huh ? But now you know better . " As I put the rest of my stuff on my desk , my supervisor called me into her office to go over some things she wanted me to do . She got couple of emergency phone calls about some things that needed to be done right away , so I forgot all about my coffee and such until I returned to my desk about thirty minutes later , to find two large empty coffee cups , an opened bagel wrapper full of pieces of bagel crust and bits of butter and jelly , and a note : " Thanks for breakfast ! It was good . Hope you get to eat something before too late … Love , Paulette . " " Huh ? " Whatever I had approximating a " spider sense " was tingling like mad . I knew I had never done anything to this man , so I had nothing to worry about . " Are you Bryan Doe ? " he repeated . Then I realized that the look on his face was just his normal expression . I told him I was , and asked why he wanted to know . " Well , it 's 90 - somethin ' degrees and humid outside , like hot soup an ' all , and this chick comes in here with her head all wrapped up in scarves , wit ' shades on and leather gloves on her hands . She had on some extra - tight jeans , though . Kept expectin ' ' em to split , they wuz so tight . Somethin ' wrong wit ' her ? " " No , she 's basically all right , " I said . Tony looked like he didn 't buy it , but I 'm sure he had forgotten the whole thing thirty seconds later . Of course , there was no real doubt as to who the visitor was . It could only ahve been … OK , it could have been a few people . " Some lady was here , strange lady , with scarfs wrap around her head , and gloves and sunglasses on inside the store . She said she know dat I know you , and dat you would be here for somethin ' to drink . Then she said dat you really come in here to look at me . Is dat troo ? " Blanca smiled . " Iss OK . I like when you look at me . I like looking at you , too . Just wish my Inglis better so we could talk more , you know ? " While I was still trying to absorb this , she continued , " You online ? Here 's my email address , " and gave it to me . I gave her mine , which she folded and put in her purse . Looking back at me , she smiled and said , " I tell you story one day . You won 't believe , but iss true . I tell you one day soon . " I went into the building and up to my desk . There was a note on my desk to see the supervisor . I went in , hoping she 'd make it quick so I could eat while the pizza was hot . She said , " There was a young woman here just a while ago , who said she was a friend of yours . She wouldn 't give her name , and she didn 't want to wait for you . She just left a box with two slices of pizza at the reception desk , with two sodas . The receptionist was worried about her being all wrapped up liek that , in all this heat , and then with those extra - tight jeans on . Is she , you know , OK ? " My immediate reaction was just to rest my forehead against my left hand and sigh , before answering . " Paulette , " I said , " I appreciate the lunch and all , but did it occur to you that you could have just called and ordered the pizza and told me about it ? I could have gone and picked it up and would still have appreciated the thought . Now they 're gonna be watching ME as well as looking for you . I work for Social Services , remember ? " " Speaking of which , " she continued , " what 's with your boss hinting that something 's wrong with me ? I 'm invisible ! I can 't go in there like everybody else ! If I 'm gonna go into teh place and buy food , I have to do it without causing a scene , and the scarves are the only way to do it . Until somebody figures out how to make me visible , that is . " I didn 't think it was time for me to answer that just yet , so I dug into the first of the slices . Then I thought about her clothes . " What did you do with the clothes , anyway ? " " No , I mean where ? Could somebody who saw you in them find them anywhere ? " I asked , hoping she hadn 't stashed them somewhere in the building . She sighed heavily and said , " I put them right here , OK ? " At " here " the long - sleeved Arizone Diamondbacks baseball jersey and tight jeans materialized on her , but not the scarves or gloves . Seeing how the Diamondbacks logo was stretched by her torso made it difficult to continue with the conversation , so I just sat , ate , and watched her . And thought . OK , so if I suddenly became permanently invisible , maybe at first I wouldn 't be so discreet about it either . Then I realized taht wasn 't a fair comparison . I was looking at it from the perspective of someone who is visible . Paulette never was . Then I began to realize that I really didn 't know Paulette 's perspective . I knew more about Kim , Nikki , and the others than I did about Paulette , and I " made " her . Maybe that 's why I couldn 't finish her story . I didn 't try to get much info out of her , and she must have figured I didnt ' want to know . She laughed . " No , not really . I might start hanging out in the bagel shop in the mornings , you know , and ' haunt ' the place . " She let out a wicked cackled and continued , " Maybe I 'll materialize some clothes and fool around with that big flirt Sergio … give him a taste of his own medicine . " " No , sorry . I 've been hanging around home too long . It 's time for me to get out and about . I need to stir things up , start getting into things , you know ? " So I headed over to the Galleria . As I entered the Macy 's entrance , I had to step carefully to avoid bumping into the small crowd of homeless people and drifters that congregate there . I kinda felt sorry for these folks , but there was no way I could do anything for any of them without spooking the person I 'd be trying to help . " Oh , sorry about that , " said the man holding the cane that had bumped me . " I didn 't mean to hit you . " He was blind , and so he couldn 't know that the person he bumped couldn 't * be * seen . The woman approaching the escalator behind him shot him a strange look . I wanted to laugh , but at the same time I felt bad for him . And for * me * ; I had to acknowledge him somehow , without alerting the woman behind him . " What 's the matter ? " he chirped in response . " Do they think yer invisible ? " Of course , he laughed at his little joke , but from the look on the face of the woman behind him , she must have thought the man was going psychotic . She just about turned and ran back up the escalator . I approached a grand old Steinway , which seemed to be calling out for someone to play it . I limbered my fingers , sat down on the bench , and just as I was about to start playing , I noticed an LCD panel and a row of LCDs . This was a MIDI 'd grand piano masquerading as the old fashioned acoustic kind . I never did like the MIDI grand pianos much . So often they sound detuned or something , not quite like the good old acoustic piano … Listen to me , 26 years old and I 'm going on about oldstyle pianos … Anyway , I pressed lightly on a key , just to see if it was set to playing . It was , so I started playing " Linus and Lucy , " looking all the while for a salesman to come running . Momentarily , one of the salesmen did come walking up , in a money suit , saying something over his shoulder about " not time for the demo disks yet . " I jumped up from the piano bench , almost running into the neighboring piano in my haste . I had to move because this particular model had its disk drive directly over the center of the keyboard . If I 'd stayed , he would have jabbed me in the back reaching for the disk drive . " Then whatcha callin ' me for ? Can 't you do something yerself witout callin ' me ? I don 't pay attention to what song 's on a stupid disk … " Ed trailed off as he stomped away . I stood right by the right edge of teh keyboard and played the " da - da - da - duuuum " riff from Beethoven 's Fifth . Lenny whipped around , looking at the Steinway keyboard again . This time I didn 't wait for him to step away or even turn around , playing that " da - da - da - duuuuum " again while he was watching . The man just exploded . It was like he just turned into a bunch of different people . Liek he had a bunch of different ways to react to the sight of a piano playing itself and decided to try to do all of them at once . It was like a private Robin Williams routine . And in bits and pieces , he told them what happened . " By itself , I tell ya , " he 'd start , before veering off in three or four other directions , and then , " there wasn 't even a disk , just keys moving , " and then he 'd jabber some more about whatever , and then , " A ghost , that 's what it was . They play pianos , don 't they ? " Ed crossed himself so many times while watching Lenny I thought he 'd wear out his arm . Finally , two guys in white coats came and took Lenny away . As he went peacefully with them , I heard one fo the ladies from housewares saying , " At least he made six months this time . And he was doing so GOOD , too . Last time he only lasted three weeks , remember ? " There was a guy , sitting at a table , chewing away and ranting at his girlfriend over something or other that she did that he didn 't like . Now , I guess if I was visible I probably would have pretended not to see , like so many others do . But since I don 't have that " problem " I decided to do something about the situation . I guess she must have thought she was imagining it , because she ignored me . She actually had no reaction . So I tried again . " Do you want me to teach him a lesson ? " I whispered . The guy managed to stop his stream of vitriol long enough to take a bite of his sandwich . Or at least , that 's what he INTENDED to do . Because when the sandwich was a few inches in front of his face I kind of helped it along . Instead of biting the sandwich he wound up wearing it . I thought that maybe hte idea of something like that happening might set him straight . But I guessed wrong . Even though he HAD to see that his girlfriend never touched the sandwich , for some reason he decided that it was her doing , because he started screaming at her about how she was stupid to touch his food while he was eating , and so on and so forth . " OK , this time look him straight in the eye , " I said , " and don 't flinch or smile or anything . And don 't shift your eyes away . " She directed her gaze toward Todd but her expression was totally blank . I cleared my throat to get his attention , and then I started . " Todd , " I said , " you know I deserve better treatment than this . I want an apology right now , and a promise that you won 't go off on me like this ever again . In public or anywhere else . " He was watching the girl from the point when I cleared my throat , so he could see her lips weren 't moving . By this point she was looking a bit more defiant . Todd sat there looking panic - stricken , not talking , not moving ; I 'm not sure he was even breathing . When I didn 't get the apology I asked for , I said , " Todd , I 'm waiting . " Still no reaction . So I picked up his cup of soda from the table . He followed it with his eyes as I took off the top but when I started to pour the soda out in his lap , he jumped up from the table and ran screaming from the food court . The defiant look on the girl 's face melted as Todd hightailed it from the Galleria . But in my singleminded quest to avenge my " sister " I forgot about all the other dozens of people in the food court . Most of them reacted more or less like Todd , though maybe not quite as loud . By the time the mass exodus was over most of the food court was empty . I figured there was no need to continue whispering . " That doesn 't matter , " I said . " What does matter is that you deserve better treatment than that . There 's plenty of guys out there who can appreciate you and know how to treat you . No need to settle for that kind of treatment . " a little longer , and then left the food court . By this time all the mischief had been drummed out of me , so I went upstairs to do a little shopping . But as I got off the escalator I found something strange … a little girl , about four years old or so , staring me right in the eyes . I totally forgot myself and walked back towards the little girl , and I guess she must have thought my eyes were about to pop out of the sockets because that 's the look she gave me for a moment before dissolving into laughter . My hand went up over my mouth in shock , though I had the presence of mind to keep quiet . The little girl must have thought it was a game ; she started giggling . The woman looked around . I wanted to run away , thinking I 'd been discovered … I 'd become visible somehow … but the woman didn 't seem to be able to see me . " What lady , honey ? " she asked the little girl . " I don 't see anyone , honey , " the woman said . " Are you sure that 's not your imaginary friend Holly ? She likes to hang out at the mall too , right ? " This was getting too weird . I turned and walked away , not wanting to see how this little minidrama would unfold . Along the way I passed the elevator that led to the food court and checked the mirrored outer doors for a reflection . Not seeing any , I had to wonder how it was the little girl could see me . But soon it became apparent , as I passed other young children , that some of the younger ones , up to about age four , did in fact seem to be able to see me . Since according to some people I don 't even exist I had to wonder how it was these kids could see me . I figured maybe it had to do with their being so young , with vivid imaginations and still - forming minds . Or something . I don 't know … Then I made my way to the Yankee Clubhouse store , tucked away in a seemingly forgotten corner of the store . With the success the Yankees have had this year ( right up to a couple of weeks ago , anyway ) , I would have expected the store to be a mob scene . Maybe all the Yankee fans know the story Bryan keeps telling me about the ' 64 Phillies ; maybe they think it 's all over . Anyway , I went into the store and looked around for a bit , hoping to find a Derek Jeter sweatshirt with his number and " Derek " on teh back instead of " Jeter . " ( Too bad the Yankees don 't license one with his FACE on it ! ) I knew that I could have done like I told Bryan I can do , and just " made " myself one , but I wasn 't really in the store to shop ; I was there to give people reason to sit awake at night instead of sleeping . I tried to ignore him , willing someone else to be nearby that he could be speaking to . Someone * visible * . But when I turned and looked around , there was no one in the store but the two of us . * What 's going on ? ! * I thought . * No one 's supposed to be able to see me ! * I could accept little kids being able to , since their minds are still learning to sort out imagination and " reality . " But this guy was an adult ! I mean , I 'm a figment of Bryan 's imagination and even * he * couldn 't see me ! What I * didn 't * need was for this guy , a complete stranger who wasn 't even supposed to be able to see me , to get near enough to touch me . " No ! I don 't need anything ! Get away from me ! " I backed away from him , going towards the front of the store , and in doing so I passed a mirror . I was able to confirm that there was nothing " showing , " nothing that he should have been able to see . Not * normally * , anyway . " Miss - " he started again , before the phone rang , right by the cash register . As he ran back to answer it , I noticed a strong scent of something that somehow smelled both minty and mediciney . I couldn 't quite figure out what it was , so I tried to sneak a little closer to the register to see if it was coming from teh salesman . Maybe he spilled some kind of medicine on his outfit or something … I heard teh salesman say , " Hold on a sec , let me get the other phone , " just before putting down the phone by the register and going back into the storeroom . I inched closer to the register , noticing that the smell got stronger the closer I got to the register . It seemed to center on a large coffee mug sitting on teh counter right next to the cash register . It had a strange smell , like peppermint tea laced with Listerine . A voice said , " Miss ? " I nearly jumped on top of the counter . It was the salesman . I was so engrossed in thought that I hadn 't seen or heard him return . " A li ' l jumpy , are we ? " he asked , in a sympathetic tone . " Whatever i ' tis , miss , you should try to relax . You 'll be able to deal wid it better . Now , how can I ' elp you today ? " " Well , " he said , " I t ' ink it was prob ' ly a special horder , ' cuz we never get ' Derek ' sweatshirt . I better check just to be sure , though . Be right back , OK ? " As he left , he took the mug with the strange - smelling drink . I took stock of the situation . It was obvious that the salesman had no way of knowing there was anything unusual going on , so there was no point in me overreacting . Strange as it may sound , if no one knows I 'm supposed to be invisible , then it wouldn 't occur to them that anything might be wrong with them seeing me . Only I would know the difference , and since I had no idea just how many * other * people I 'd run across who 'd be able to see me , the best thing would be to play it cool . And maybe find out what it is that made me visible to them … I was * almost * relaxed by the tiem the salesman came back , with bad news . " I 'm sorry , miss , but we don 't ' ave any of dose shirts in stock . You probably ' ave to go to de Stadium for a shirt like dat . But we ' ave plenty of other Yankee stuff available , if you 're hinterested in showin ' off ya team , " he said with a smile . I wasn 't quite as interested in showing off my team as I was in irritating Bryan just a * little * bit . His precious Mets had lost their shortstop , Rey Ordonez , for the rest of the season , and I just wanted to tease him a little bit . Though if they had any of those shirts with Derek 's face on them , I might have had to buy one . And not just to get on Bryan 's nerves … I thought about my few - minutes - ago observation , and figured it wouldn 't hurt anything , really , to tell him . Either he 'd believe or he wouldn 't . Either way , if I came back with money , the money would be the same color . But when I actually tried to * tell * him why I had been nervous , I got jittery again . " Well , um , " I started . " See , it 's like this . You really aren 't , um , supposed to be able to see me . " He chuckled , then , in response to my double take , he quickly backpedaled . " Sorry , I don 't mean no offense or anyting , but my grandfather used to say almost de same ting , dat we all figments of our own imagination . Never ' eard noone say dat ' bout demself , though . " " Your grandfather said that ? " I said . " Interesting . But what I meant was that I 'm a figment of someone * else 's * imagination . In a way you can say that I don 't exist . " " ' S a tonic from down ' ome , " he said . " ' Sposed to ' tune ' the mind and body . Jus ' a lil somethin ' from bock ' ome in Barbados . " I left the Yankee Clubhouse store a little shaken up and found my way out of the Galleria . I still had some time to kill before Doe got off work , so I crossed Martine Avenue and went into the library to pass the time . I felt for the old woman who looked quite shaken to see the library 's revolving doors start going by themselves , but what could I do ? It was either that or the handicapped entrance . I went into the library and headed for the computer to check out the online catalog . Once I found what I was looking for , I headed to the sci - fi section and spent an hour or so there , trying to stay out of people 's way . I know I had originally gone out to stir things up , but the idea of anyone other than * maybe * Doe being able to see me took most of the mischief right out of me . Unfortunately , I wasn 't as discreet as I should have been . I was standing in a narrow aisle , reading a book of Robert Silverberg 's collected stories , when a young guy entered the aisle . I saw the movement in the corner of my eye , and froze , too late realizing what he must be seeing . But when there was no gasp , or yelp , or anything , I looked up to see that he was engrossed in a book . He evidently didn 't even see the large book floating above the aisle at eye level . I quickly stashed the book in the case in front of me and stood as close as I could to the bookcase behind me , with my back up against it . He did brush against my chest as he passed , but he was so into his book that he didn 't seem to notice . That brief , offhand contact , though , awakened something in me . Somethign I didn 't even know was there . But the library was no place for that . Even if I could strip off my clothes and take care of the urge right then and there , I had no way of knowing if someone else who could see me would happen to cross my path . I had to hold on a bit longer . That worked , all right ; the feeling ended so quickly and finally I feared that maybe it moved without leaving a forwarding address . I knew there was no real need to worry about it , though ; when the time arose , Doe would be able to take care fo that for me . At least , I hoped he would … The store was packed . I overheard one of the salesmen claiming that the one of the guitars , in a locked case , " used to belong to Jimi Hendrix . " The customer he was talking to naturally disbelieved , so the salesman took the guitar out of the case to show him something or other that was supposed to prove it . I guess this salesman was a bit of a showoff , because after that customer left , the salesman strapped on the guitar , plugged it into an amp behind the sales counter , and began to play around with it . Just then the phone rang , and it was for the salesman ; he put the guitar down , behind the sales counter , and took the phone . I looked around , and didn 't see anyone looking my way , so I took my chance . I quietly stepped behind the sales counter , picked up the guitar , and began to play . I got so into it , I closed my eyes and just wailed away on that guitar . When I opened my eyes again , all activity in the store had stopped . Every eye in the store was on the guitar that they all must have thought was " haunted , " because not one of them would come any closer than about six feet away . The guy standing closest to me , who was about three feet away , saw the magazine sailing over his head , turned around and saw no one there , and yelled , " I 'm getting out of here ! " That started the stampede , thankfully after I was safely outside the store . By then it was close enough to five that I decided to just go to Doe 's job and wait outside for him . When I got to Doe 's building , there were a few people standing around . I was a little nervous about whether any of them could see me . White Plains is notorious for attracting off - center folks who congregate in the downtown area , and infants and off - center folks were the kind most likely to be able to see me . I was glad when no one seemed to notice me , though I was still wary . He panicked . " Paulette , keep your voice down ! I don 't want to start anything out here ! " Then , after he had calmed down a little , he continued , " So what did you have in mind ? " I didn 't answer right away , partly because I was a little bit ticked off at him , and partly to make him squirm . I guess I got to him , because when we got into the Galleria parking lot , he whispered , " Paulette , you still there ? " I tapped the back of his hand to let him knew I was . He continued , " I don 't mean to be a spoilsport or anything . It 's just that the thought of you running around getting into things makes me nervous . I don 't want you to get me into trouble , or to get * yourself * hurt . " " Don 't worry about me , " I said . " I can take care of myself . And I won 't do anything to cause trouble for you , either . " " You don 't think that I went home to Mount Vernon , turned around , and came back to White Plains between lunch and now , do you ? Without a car or anything ? " I replied , grinning myself . " Your exact words were , ' I need to stir things up , start getting into things , you know ? ' So I 'll ask you again , what did you do ? " By this time we were in his car and parking in the Chester - Maple municipal lot behind Sam Ash . Doe didn 't say a word as we got out of the car . I walked over to him and held his hand , wondering what was going through his mind . I do know how he thinks , but not just * what * he things ; I can 't read his mind . I was pretty sure he was mentally filing through all the hijinks could have gotten into earlier at Sam Ash ( does anyone ever get into lowjinks ? What 's a jink , anyway ? ) When we got to the front door at Sam Ash , Doe was nervous about going in . " What 's the matter ? " I said . " Even if I did do something - and I 'm not saying I did - nobody has any reason to link it to you , right ? " That seemed to relax him a little , and we went in . A few people were still standing around the " Jimi Hendrix " guitar , which was still where it landed when I threw it . " Wonder what that 's all about ? " Doe mused . " I don 't think I wanna know any more , " he mumbled . I squeezed his hand and led him to the keyboard section . He went directly to the Korg display , stopping in front of the KX - 88 digital piano and the BX - 3 and CX - 3 organs . " Did you - " he started , before I cut him off . He didn 't say anything to this . Instead , he began playing a riff or two on the KX - 88 . I began to tinker with the BX - 3 , and I could see it was making him nervous . He didn 't try to stop me , though , so I went on . " Oh no ! " he wailed . " Now it 's happening again over here ! " Before Doe could say or do anything to react , the guy ( who turned out to be the store manager ) ushered him and all the other customers from the store . I managed to get in front of the fleeing crowd so I wouldn 't have to worry about any unexpected contact . Once Doe was outside he started looking around for any signs of me , so I walked over and grabbed his hand . " Paulette ! " he whisper - yelled sharply , as we walked to his car . " You can 't go around doing stuff like that , do you understand ? You 're gonna mess around and get someone in trouble , maybe even yourself ! " " Something you wanted to get for me ? " He said . " How ? You don 't have any money . You mean , something you picked out that you want me to get for myself , right ? " " Something like that . " He drove back to the Galleria parking garage and parked at level 4East . Once we got out , I took him by the hand and led him toward the Yankee Clubhouse store . He followed without complaint until we were right in front of the place . Once he realized that 's where I was headed , he balked . " Yes , I do , " I replied . " Come on , it won 't kill you , Mr . Mets fan . I just want to show you something , that 's all . " He went into the store , but he made me pull him in , and took one step at a time , like he was expecting a monster to drop down on him or something . Just then the salesman from earlier came out of the storeroom . I smiled at him , expecting him to speak or acknowledge me somehow , and shake up Doe . Poor Doe was clearly uncomfortable in Yankee territory . I 'm sure he was expecting some kind of cue from me , but I was preoccupied with trying to get the salesman 's attention . At first I just smiled and waved at him , but it was like he didn 't see me . Of course , I thought maybe he was ignoring me or something , and got a little bit huffy . After all , he had seen me earlier . I came up to the sales counter and was standing right beside the salesman when I let loose . " What 's the matter ? " I said . " Now that I bring a man with me you wanna act like you don 't see me ? " " It 's me , Paulette . We spoke earlier , remember ? " I didn 't know what to make of his reaction , thinking it was some weird kind of game or something , so I smiled . " Only then * I * was the nervous one . " The salesman began whimpering , " Stop , please , make it stop . " After a few moments I realized what was really going on , and I just stood there with my mouth hanging open . I couldn 't believe it . The same guy that was so warm and friendly and relaxed earlier was now acting like he was scared of me . I backed away from him a little and , not knowing what else to do , I turned to Doe and shrugged . " I guess he can 't see me anymore , " I said . The salesman mouthed the word " anymore " in unison with Doe , and then covered his face and began shaking his head and moaning softly when he heard my answer to Doe 's question . " Yeah , he saw me . We spoke and everything . " " I can 't believe dis , " the salesman said . " It 's ' appening all over again . Chris is gonna get me fired , I know it . " I guess it was too much for him to try to deal with an invisible woman there in the shop , because he acknowledged my question with his hands still covering his face . " Did I ' ave some funny - smellin ' drink ' ere when you spoke to me hearlier ? Was I reeeal mellow and calm an ' all ? " " Hit was that smelly stuff I was drinkin , ' " the salesman said . " It was Chris that saw you earlier today , if I unnerstan ' you correctly . ' E 's part of me , kind of . That tea I was drinkin ' bring him out . " The salesman sighed hard before continuing . " De tea , dey call it Bajan green tea , from Barbados , where I 'm from . Hit ' somethin ' like Chinese green tea , only it got some other stuff in it dat mess wit ' me ' ead and bring out another side of me , one I canna ' control . When ' e 's out , I 'm like sleepin ' . I don 't know nothin ' about nobody comin ' in ' ere earlier today that 's suppose ' to be invisible . To me it like I 'm speakin ' to a man an ' a ghos ' , and dat make me nervous , yunno ? " I wanted to apologize , but before I could say anything else , Doe spoke up . " Paulette , let 's go , and leave this man alone . Sorry for the mixup , um - " " Reggie , " he said , sticking out his hand . " And no problem a ' tall . No one really at fault , it 's just a misunderstandin ' , dat 's all . " Doe shook his hand , and then extended a hand for me to take it . I did , and then turned to Reggie . " Reggie , I 'm sorry - " I started . He flinched as soon as I started speaking , and that 's when I stopped short . I figured that if it upset him that much to hear what must have seemed to him like a voice out of the air , then I 'd better keep the apology to myself for now . Thank goodness for Doe . " Reggie , I think what she wants to say is she 's sorry for shaking you up like that . I 'd guess she didn 't know about your , um , situation , and I know she wouldn 't want you to think she was here to play a trick on you . Probably wanted to play one on me , in fact . " He and Reggie said their goodbyes , and we left the store . I expected a tongue lashing as soon as we left the store , or when we were in the parking garage on the way to the car , but Doe didn 't say a word all the way to the car , making sure to hold on tight to my hand . Almost like he would to a child , it occurred to me later that day . " Well , it 's like you said . I wasn 't trying to do anything to Reggie , I was trying to play a trick on you . I didn 't know anything about his * other * situation . " Doe didn 't say anything else , as he maneuvered the car out into traffic . Finally , as we approached home , he said , very softly , " Two people in one body . That 's kind of creepy . " " He didn 't say two actual people , " I said . " He said this Chris was another side of him . So they 're really the same person . Kind of like me and you , when you come down to it . " He slammed on his brakes . Fortunately there was nothing behind us . I went off anyway . " Doe , what are you trying to do , put me through the windshield ? ! " " Well … I came from your imagination . I was only part of your reality until that happened , and now I 'm out in the world . And you can 't control me . " Doe answered in measured tones . " Yeah , but evidently Chris has to make Reggie drink that stuff before he can come out . " He was silent for a bit before adding " Interesting . " Interesting , indeed . I made up my mind to find out more about this split salesman . It would take some doing if I was gonna find out anything without shaking Reggie up , but with my built - in advantage , I could find out what I want to know soon |
As I walk in the Surrey Hills , I am always amazed at the variety of stories that there are about the place . Some of them come down from history as facts . Some of them are remembering of things that did happen but perhaps not exactly as told . Some of them are stories that people made up to try to understand the landscape . Historians and folklorists have recorded these stories in books but have intended them for adults and not for children . As a storyteller , I feel it 's important that children and families have a chance to read and tell these tales for themselves . So that as they walk the Surrey Hills , they can look in the landscape for the giants , dragons , winged horses , magic fish , the odd witch or two , even the devil , not to mention the flying pigs ! Surrey has its own name for fairies , the Pharisees . They like everything to be just right and when Matthew Trigg stumbles into their dancing ground , they take their revenge . But the children of Ash realise he is missing and enlist the help of the wise old woman to get him back again . But just how does the steeple of Ash church get dented ? Pharisees is the old Surrey name for fairies . And the Pharisees in Surrey are most particular about the right and proper way to behave . Sometimes they were helpful on farms and mowed the hay at night , leaving drying in the morning sun . Sometimes they came into the houses at night , and played in the embers of the fire . If they found it neat and tidy and a bowl of water left out for them , then they would leave a silver sixpence . But if it was left dirty and untidy - the fairies would find the people responsible and pinch them black and blue as they slept ! Now , back in the old days , there was a man called Matthew Trigg , and he lived in the village of Ash . He was a grumpy old man , and as he walked in the village the children would dance around him , and tug on his sleeve , asking him to tell them a story . But he would wave them away , shaking his walking stick at them . " Where is Matthew Trigg ? " they asked their parents . " We haven 't seen him today . " Their parents went to check on Matthew 's house . He wasn 't there . They asked all round the village . Nobody had seen him since the morning . Well , as soon as they heard that , they started a search party . They all stood in a long line , and went into the wood , calling out " Matthew . Where are you ? " And there was the walking stick . Right in the middle of a ring of toadstools . And some of the toadstools were broken . Matthew must have stumbled into them . The ring of toadstools was a fairies ' dancing ring . And all the adults looked at each other and knew that the Pharisees have taken him . The children knew what to do . They went to find the wise old woman who lived on the edge of the village and asked her . The old woman took out a basin , and poured some water into it . The she looked very hard into it . " Ah yes " she said , " I can see him now . He is at the court of the Pharisees . And for punishment for breaking their dance circle , they are making him dance and dance and dance . It 's on the far side of Surrey . We must hurry ; he will die from exhaustion if we don 't help him ! " But what to do ? The wise old woman said " I have a plan but I need a special ingredient . It has to come from you children . What will you give up , so that Matthew can come home ? " The children were surprised . Then the littlest one said , " I will give up my doll to bring him home . " The another said , " I will give up my bat " , another " My beautiful hair ribbon " and so it went on until all the children had given up something . " Well done " said the wise old woman . She took all their offerings , and placed them in a cauldron , and dropped a flame in they all went up in smoke . " Now the ash is full of your good intentions " she said . She took some oil and mixed it up with the ash . Matthew Trigg was very , very tired . He had been dancing non stop for such a long time . " Please let me stop , " he cried , " I 'm sorry that I stepped on your Toadstool ring . " But the Pharisees just laughed and shook their heads . Then , just above him , he couldn 't believe what he saw . A flying horse . Come straight towards him . It swooped down , and as it passed him , he saw it was old Dobbin . " Here boy " called out Matthew and he reached for old Dobbin 's mane , tightened his fingers around it , making knots . As old Dobbin began to fly up , Matthew scrambled on to his back . Away from the Pharisees , Matthew 's legs stopped dancing , and as he looked down he could see the Pharisees shaking their fists at him . But he didn 't mind , He was on his way home . Now there was just one problem . The wise old woman had told old Dobbin to come straight back to her . And old Dobbin was going straight in to the church steeple and ……… Crash ! Outside of Guildford , there is a hill , and on the top of it is a church called St Martha 's . If you go in there you will see a standard with a picture of St Martha and a DRAGON at her feet ! This is their story . First it was just a lamb . Then a sheep , and then a cow . All the people were worried what would be next ? They began to lock their animals up at night , but then they found scratches on the doors , and sometimes the doors broken open , and more animals taken . Ten brave men agreed to stay awake all through the night and see what they could see . Outside the town they tethered a few goats as bait . And they waited . And waited . It was a long night and as the sun came up , they began to think the monster had left , when all of a sudden they turned and there it was . Just in the shadows in front of them . The monster roared at them , bared its teeth and lunged its claws at the nearest man , who just got away in time . They had all seen the monster in the shadows . The trouble was they had all seen something different . One man said it was like a bear . Another man said it looked like a big ox with a huge turtle shell on it . " No , No , " said a third , " It had a lions head . " Two people whispered that it had a scaly tail , just like a scorpion 's . They didn 't know what to think . All they knew that there was something big and strange in their forests , and it was threatening themselves , and their families . The people of Nerluc were in despair . They didn 't dare come out of their houses their animals were all locked up . People were too scared to leave their homes to even look after the crops and harvest . They would starve . What were they to do ? Into the town came a young woman called Martha . She had travelled a great distance . She had come from the Holy Land in a boat without a sail , or oars or a rudder and with her faith and a good wind , and she was brought to shore to Marseilles in the south of France . There she had travelled preaching the message of peace and tolerance of Christ . When the townspeople told her about the beast she knew she had heard about it before . It was the Tarasque a dragon from Turkey . And she knew what must be done . All by herself , she walked into a clearing in the woods , singing songs . The dragon heard her , and came rushing into the clearing . Its teeth were bared , and he was ready to plunge his claws into her . Exactly the same as he had done with all the other people who had come to trap him . Martha kept calm , and steady . Singing her song . The claws of the dragon came towards her . But her song was so gentle and sweet that it touched the dragon and calmed him down . He stopped , looked at her , and then knelt before her . When she took off her belt , he allowed her to put it around his neck , and as she sang softly to him , the tamed dragon followed her out of the woods into the town . The townspeople were amazed to see that this young woman had done what many knights had failed to do . And they were frightened to see the dragon coming towards their town . That fear took hold of them so strongly that they picked up their picks , and shovels , and spears and anything that they could get their hands on . When it was all over , the people began to realise what they had done . And some people began to feel very sorry and wanted to make up for it . To remember what they had done , they changed the name of the town to Tarascon , and they decided to celebrate the taming of the dragon by St Martha . And that is how St Martha is remembered until today that you can overcome your fears and worries by facing up to them and taming them . Captain Salvin lived at Whitmoor House , near Woking . He had fought in the wars , and when he came home all he wanted was peace and quiet . He was very interested in hawking and fishing , and became very famous . But he was very good with animals , and even had two otters that he had from babies . They followed him everywhere , and even sat in his lap just like a cat . But he had one special pet . It was a wild pig called Lady Susan . A Maharajah had given it to him as a present , but soon afterwards the piglet had fallen sick , and Captain Salvin had looked after it until it was better . That pig loved Captain Salvin , and thought she was a dog . He gave her a collar and a bell and every where Captain Salvin went , Lady Susan went with him , trotting on behind . If they were walking in the fields he had to be careful that she didn 't squash the crops she grew so big . Then Captain Salvin decided to train Lady Susan . On their walks , if they came across a log , he would get her to jump over it . She couldn 't do it at first , so he would run and jump over it himself , and then run with her . When she did it he gave her an apple for a treat . Then he trained her to jump over the streams . The first time he tried to get her to do it she just walked into the stream and followed him across . So he went back , and did it again and again until she got the idea . Then she had many apples . One day , Captain Salvin decided to show off Lady Susan to his friends . He asked a blacksmith to " come and ring a pig " . In the old days they would put a ring through a pig 's nose to stop it digging in the ground . The blacksmith came along , and went into the pigsty to find the pig . Captain Salvin and his friends hid to see what would happen . When Lady Susan saw the blacksmith , she started to run towards him , and just as a dog does , she tried to jump up at him to say hello . The blacksmith was so surprised , that he turned round , and tried to get out of the pigsty . Lady Susan chased him all around the pigsty . The blacksmith began to get a bit scared of this pig , and tried to get out the fastest way he knew how . He climbed over the wall of the pigsty . Now that wall was about four feet high , and the blacksmith stood back relieved that he had got away from this very strange pig . Captain Salvin and his friends were laughing and laughing ! The poor blacksmith didn 't know what to do , and Lady Susan was running backwards and forwards between the blacksmith and Captain Salvin . The captain paid the blacksmith some money , and he and his friends went to celebrate . Once upon a time there was an old woman who lived in a cave . Some times people called her a henwife ; sometimes they called her a witch . But whatever they called her , she was very clever and very wise , and learned all the healing ways of herbs , and trees and plants . She had a very big cauldron , a large cooking pot that she would make her potions in . With a lot of hard work , a few words , and a little healing magic she could make a potion to ease aches and pains . She was called " Old Mother Ludlam " , and the villagers would come and ask her for help . Sometimes they asked for potions to help with their pains and aches , sometimes to make themselves pretty or handsome , or sometimes to make themselves clever . Old Mother Ludlam would always try to help either with words or with some potion . Sometimes people were too shy to ask her , so they would ask to borrow something , like a pot or a ladle , and she would smile and say " Of course , and while you are here , would you like to try one of my lotions and potions " . When they brought back the pot or ladle , there would always be a small gift like a chicken , or some vegetables like carrots or onions . It was a good way to live . One day , she was sitting by her fire warming herself , and she heard a noise in the front of her cave . She turned around and there was a man standing there . He was tall and stayed in the shadows . It was a bit late in the day , but people came at all times to see her As she said that , the fire crackled and something went pop , and the tall man stepped out of the shadows . Old Mother Ludlam could see his footprints in the dirt floor . They looked like cloven hooves , and she could just see the tips of small horns on the top of his head , and behind him , beginning to swish a bit , was a pointed tail . He most definitely , absolutely not was going to have her cauldron , not with all her healing powers put into it over all the years . What kind of a mess would the devil make with that ? So she stood up and said " NO ! " With that the devil gave a shout , and lunged forward , seizing the cauldron from over the fire . It was hot , but the devil didn 't care , and he turned and run out of the cave with the cauldron in his hands . On his feet he put on a pair of seven league boots , and he was able to take huge strides to get as far away from Old Mother Ludlam as possible . And as his feet came down to the Earth , the Earth rose up to meet him , and there was a pathway of hills where the land had been flat before . And today they are known as the Devil 's Jumps just at Churt , and you can see them for yourself . And so there was the devil on his last jump , just about at Kettlebury Hill . He stopped to catch his breath - and held up the cauldron to look at it in the light of the moon when Swoosh ! Down came Old Mother Ludlam on her broom and snatched it out of his hands and she was away ! Old Mother Ludlam wasn 't going to risk taking the cauldron back to her cave . Now where could she keep it so that the devil couldn 't get it ? Then she saw Frensham Church , and knew that was probably the safest place . So she landed in the church yard , and very quietly slipped into the church . And right next to the font was a space just the right size . So she left it there without even a note . An old man and his grandson stood at Newlands Corner , looking at St Martha 's Hill . It 's a beautiful sight on a sunny day , and even better in the middle of winter with all the snow . And far on the other side , if you just stretched a bit , you might just see St Catherine 's Hill . The old man smiled . " They were very strong , and able to carry all the wood and stone that they needed to the top . They would have had big hands to put things together . " The old man shook his head . " Well , they could fight , " he said , " but they wouldn 't get their churches done . They started off taking turns , one have it one day , the other the next . But that didn 't work out , because one was always a bit ahead of the other and they both wanted to finish first . Then they tried having it for an hour each . But they were always running up and down the hills to handover the hammer when they needed it . " The old man laughed . " Well , in all the rush to build their churches , they had forgotten the one thing they were good at . They were giants , and they were very strong giants they had good strong arms . And they put those strong arms to good use . They still took it in turns with the hammer but this time they would strike the nail in , and then throw it across the valley to the other sister . So Martha puts her nail in a beam in her church , then calls out " Here sister " . With all her strength she throws the hammer to her sister . The hammer flies across the valley to Catherine . She grabs it , uses it to hammer in the next nail , and then calls out " Here sister ! " Then using all her strength throws the hammer back across to Martha . That hammer goes backwards and forwards all day long . " Parents want only the best for their children . But sometimes , if you are poor , it can be very difficult . A long time ago there was a cloth - maker called John Abbot . His wife was called Mary , and together they lived in a cottage in Guildford . They were expecting their first child . They were poor , but they were happy . But Mary had a strange dream . She dreamed that if she ate a kind of fish called a pike , then when her son was born , he would grow up to be a great man . When she woke up , Mary decided that she would get a pike and eat it . In the River Wey , there was a pike that everyone had seen , but no one had been able to catch . Mary asked her husband to catch it for her . He tried very hard , lying down on the river bank trying to catch the fish with his fingers , but it was very slippery and he fell into the water . He was very wet and muddy ! She thought to herself " If I am really supposed to eat this fish , then I will have to catch it myself . " She didn 't have a rod , or a net and she was not going to lie down on the bank . So she got a bucket and a piece of string . She tied the string to the bucket , and then just let the bucket drift in the river while she held the string tight . And she did it ! She caught the pike in her bucket ! It jumped around and tried to get out , but she put her apron over the top of the bucket and went home to cook it . It was a bit tough but it tasted delicious to Mary . Soon all the neighbours heard that she had managed to catch the fish , and they told their friends and their friends told more people . The entire town soon knew that Mary had caught the fish and ate it because a dream told her that her son would be a great man . Mary 's dream about eating the pike had come true , and she had not one but three great sons . The greatest of them all , George , did not forget he had come from a poor home and he knew that there were not enough magic pikes for everyone . He established Abbot 's Hospital in Guildford to help the poor who needed somewhere to live . You can see his tomb today in the Holy Trinity church , just opposite the Abbots Hospital on Guildford High Street . Once upon a time there was a boy named William Cobbett . He lived with his parents and his three brothers . Some days he would visit his grandmother , in her cottage with two windows . By one window there was a damson tree , and by the other a hazelnut tree . He would visit her and she would give him milk and bread for breakfast , apple pudding for dinner , and for his supper he would have bread and cheese . Then hounds were so surprised , that they stopped barking , and looked at William . He dashed into the middle of them , and picked up the hare . He could feel the hare 's heart beating very fast , and he held him very tight . His own heart was beating very fast too , and he wasn 't sure what to do next . " How dare you ! " said the master of the hounds . He raised his whip in the air , and brought it down on William , just cutting his face . William cried out and held on tight to the hare . The master of the hounds then called the hunt and the hounds away . William stood there with blood coming from his forehead . Then very carefully William released the hare , which run away back to its home . Now William wondered what to do . He didn 't think that it was right that the huntsman should strike him just because he tried to save the hare . He thought that the man was a bully , and somehow he didn 't feel that was right . How could he try and get his own back some how ? He was only a small boy how could he stand up to the bullies ? He thought and thought . Then he had a bright idea . He would use a red herring to put the hunt off the track of the hares . Now a red herring is a fish that has been smoked , and is very , very smelly . He waited until his grandmother had some red herring , then he sneaked some out of kitchen . It was so smelly that William had to hold his nose until he could put it in a hiding place . So on the next day of the hunt , William waited . He knew where the hunt started , and he knew where the hares were likely to go . When he heard the cry of the hounds , he started off , trailing his red herring across the field , at right angles to where the hare would go . Up , up a steep hill so steep that the horses would have to slow down . Then he dragged it over to the roughest part of the common , twirling it around so that the dogs would go in circles . Finally , he dragged it to the edge of a swamp , and he tossed it in . It wasn 't long before the hunt and the dogs came . William could hardly stop himself laughing watching the hunt go round and round , and then some of them ended up in the swamp . The hunt master even fell off his horse into the mud ! Once upon a time there was a soldier . He had fought hard and strong for his country in many battles in many wars . But there comes a time when even the bravest of men can not face another fight , and he left the battlefield without permission , and tried to make his way home . It was very difficult . If he was caught he would be sent to prison as a deserter . He would hide in ditches , or caves , and try to find any scraps of food that people had thrown away . One day he saw some meat bones that had been left out , and he was so hungry that he tried to get them . But as he put his hand on them , a dog appeared and tired to take the bones away from him . The soldier was so hungry , that he wrestled the dog for the bones . Then the soldier started to laugh so much that he let the dog have the bones . The dog chewed all the bones , and as the soldier started walking off , the dog followed him . The two of them travelled together and snuggled close together at night to keep warm . Sometimes the dog would catch a rabbit and they would both have something to eat , sometimes the soldier caught a fish . But one day the soldier made a silly mistake , and he was caught , just outside Clandon and he was put into prison for being a deserter . The dog ran away and the soldier didn 't know where he had gone . In prison , the soldier began to hear stories . Everyone was talking about it . In the west part of Clandon , down one of the back lanes , there was a dragon . People were afraid to go there , and parents kept their children close to them just in case the dragon tried to eat them . Soon the whole town was at a standstill . No one could go anywhere . They were all so afraid . And no one knew what to do . The magistrates were not sure at first , but when another cow disappeared they soon agreed . The soldier was released and given a bayonet . He walked very carefully down the back lanes of west Clandon , listening for clues of where the dragon was . He sniffed the air and found some spoor dragon 's poo - in a field known as Deadacre . And it was big . Much bigger than he expected . It had long claws , teeth that were yellow and sharp , and a long spiky tail that unfurled out of the bushes . This was definitely more than he had bargained for but the soldier stood his ground . The dragon came roaring towards the soldier . He was ready with his bayonet , and he thrust it at the dragon . It went into the dragon 's skin , just under the ribs but didn 't seem to do anything . The dragon was almost on top of the soldier , and had its claws ready , just to slash out at him . The soldier thought he was going to die . Suddenly , there was an almighty sound . Something flew across the field , and fastened onto the dragon 's neck . The force of it was so fierce , that the dragon toppled over . As he did so , the soldier could see where the dragon 's heart was beating under the skin , and he thrust the bayonet in . The dragon writhed , squirmed , gave out a loud shriek and was dead ! Then the soldier heard another sound . Barking ! It was his dog that had toppled the dragon over , the dog had come to help him . The dog jumped up at the soldier barking and yelping , and trying to lick him , and they fell to the ground wrestling together just as they had when they first met . The people of West Clandon were so relieved to be rid of the dragon . They thanked the soldier and his dog , and offered him a place to stay . But he said he needed to go , and left with his faithful companion . |
Ludwig Rittel ( dad ) was born in 1868 . He had 4 brothers and two sisters . His father died when he was 9 years old and he came to the U . S . with perhaps two of his brothers . he took out a homestead near Streeter , North Dakota in Logan County and married Katherina Graf ( mom ) . Katherina Graf was born in Neudorf , Russia in 1868 on June 25 . Her family was part of the group of " Germans from Russia " that had gone into Russia to farm , but then were told to leave after Catherine the Great died . Mother 's grandfather had a winery , she helped him to make the wine and she became quite good at it . She said at one point that she drank too much of the wine and fell asleep behind the stove . The family lived in Russia in a commune . It was more like a town , but the people would go out to the fields to work . Mother fell in love at age 17 . Her father decided to immigrate to the U . S . , but she didn 't want to go along , but her father forced her to accompany them . When it was too late , she found out she was pregnant . She said the father 's name was fisher , but didn 't say what his first name was . The child was a girl she named Lydia . Fisher later came to the U . S . and someone told mother that now she could marry him , but by that time she had married dad and decided to stay married to dad . She came to America with her parents at age 17 and married Ludwig Rittel in 1888 in South Dakota in Scotland . The preacher was Michael Hieffer . In the fall , they moved to North Dakota . In 1889 they moved onto a farm and lived there 18 years . They moved to Wichita Falls , Texas in 1908 next and lived there until 1910 . Then they moved to Cordell , Oklahoma and lived there until 1912 . From there they moved to Kingman , Kansas and lived there until 1917 . They then moved to Marion , Kansas and lived there for 6 months , then to North Dakota for another 6 months , then back to Herington , Kansas in 1918 for one year , then over to Marion where they lived until Ludwig died . Katherina then moved to Herington where 4 of her children lived ( Sam , Gus , Louis , and Julia ) . She had a three year old daughter Lydia that Ludwig adopted . They had 10 children of their own , including one boy who died just after birth . Katherina was able to teach herself how to read and write in English . Because of discrimination starting in WWI and WWII as well , she was hesitant to speak in town because of her thick accent . Mother like to do work with her hands . She crocheted a lot , could knit , made flower arrangements to sell , and made a lot of comforters from wool squares that came in books from the men 's clothiers . She would get the books , remove the squares and sew them together and have sometimes wool inside and then a flannel back . Dad sometimes drew a picture of a chicken or rooster and she would outline it on the comforter . Then they would tie the three layers together . She made many quilts and also made a lot of punchwork pillows and hot pads . ( Rosalie note : I have a number of her quilts and they are in excellent condition . I will see that your family gets them ( Uncle Ted Rittel ) , but please , please check with a quilting society for proper storage and cleaning . They should last another hundred years if properly taken care of . Grandma used new fabric to make them while a number of women back in those days made quilts out of used dresses and shirts . They disintegrate easily . Many of hers were made of flour sack material , but it was new . I think they are quite beautiful . She made some for the other kids , too , but don 't know how many she made . Mom said that Grandma told her she made several for aunt Bertha and when she went to visit her , she saw that Bertha had bleached them and over - washed them and they were already worn out . She never gave her another one and all she made after that , she gave to mom ( Julia ) . She made her own soap out of lye and fat and said that goose fat made the very best soap . ( Note from Rosalie : it takes around 5 hours to make a batch of soap ) . One time she got some lye in between her fingers and it ate off all of the skin before she got it cleaned off using vinegar . I wonder now how she managed to get the meals , wash the dishes , etc . with that large deep chemical burn , but she didn 't complain . Mother wasn 't the best seamstress , but she did pretty well . I recall one time she made me a black and white checked suit and a coat from her old plush coat - this would have been a difficult project , so she was really pretty good . She made her own clothing , too . ( Rosalie note : Aunt Bertha was an excellent seamstress , as was Mom . Both were self - taught . Bertha went professional and made clothing for movie stars who sought her out . I visited one time and she was making a dress for Rosalind Russell . It was a sequined material and looked extremely uncomfortable , but it was really beautiful . Mom made clothes for her , dad and me for many years . ) Mother didn 't know much about cooking except the old , simple cooking , but she was ready to learn . One time they were invited out or stayed someplace overnight in Streeter when the kids were small . The lady served oatmeal for breakfast , and mother wanted to know what it was . From then on , the kids got plenty of oatmeal . ( Rosalie note : Mom said Grandma didn 't use many spices , so the food tended to be fairly bland . She did use garlic , and we grew some she had brought over from the old country . Unfortunately , after taking it all over where I lived , it died at our place in Finley , Washington when some chives crowded it out , or I could have shared it with you . ) Mother liked to travel and would go to California at times , leaving me in charge of the cooking . I took Domestic Science in high school so she knew I could cook . Before that I wasn 't allowed to cook for fear I would ruin the food and it would have to be thrown out . ( Note from Julie Scott : My grandmother Beatrice Rittel went with Arthur and their two youngest children , Ted and Darlene , once to visit the Rittels in Kansas . She said that Art 's mother always fixed a big breakfast every morning - huge bowl of oatmeal for everyone , german sausages , etc . Grandma always said she could barely eat it all ) One time I had to prepare supper for the family as a science assignment . I had to make my own menu . I remember I served hot biscuits and Spanish rice - that is all of the menu I can recall . After supper , Dad said , " Mom , why can 't you cook a meal like that ? " So I am sure she was embarrassed , but at least they were happy with the meal . I used to bake Raisin Bran date muffins . Ed ( one of Arthur 's brothers ) used to wait until I took them out of the oven and come and eat some while they were hot . He really loved them . ( Rosalie note : Mom was a terrific cook and I have many of her recipes in her handwriting . Let me know if you want them down the road . It is a great collection of 3 1 / 2 by 5 cards in a card box plus a couple of recipe books . ) Mom used to make a type of noodle called " rivel " . It was flour and water and something else made into a dough that was forced through a sieve or grater into boiling water . I really never acquired a taste for it , but the egg noodles were quite good . Those were made into dough and rolled out , then the flat dough was rolled up and sliced very thin into noodles . The noodles were hung to dry and would keep a long time . We also used to make bierochs ( beer rocks ) , which was similar to a piroge - meat , cabbage and onion mixture that was wrapped in bread dough and baked . Some of the kids liked ground beef in the recipe and some liked shredded . Bertha liked the shredded . Only the Germans from Russia made bierochs . Since they were baked in dough , they would keep well for lunch . In North Dakota , we lived in an adobe house that had a high enough roof that the boys could sleep in the attic . It had a very large bedroom , a dining room , living room and kitchen . The walls and floors were white - washed . The oven and stove were also mud adobe or made of sod . The adobe bricks were made by forming a large oblong bed about 2 - 3 feet deep and filled with sod , straw and water . Then they let the horses trample it to mix it all up to the right consistency . It was then dried and cut into bricks to make the walls of the house . Later Dad built a wooden house with 2 stories - two rooms upstairs , a dounstairs entryway , living room , bedroom and kitchen . We had a pond with ducks and geese . Dad had a stallion for breeding ( Rosalie note : I have a photo of him with his stallion ) . He also had cattle , sheep and horses . We had a Dutch windmill with a blacksmith shop inside . He did horse - shoeing and also sharpened plow shares . There was a grist mill to make corn meal , wheat , rye or whatever grains needed grinding . The grist mill was operated by having a mule go around in a circle . The farm is now being used by the government for experimental growth farm products . Sister Lydia 's one child died of a bad heart - she couldn 't breathe . The child was placed in a casket and set out on the porch in preparation for burial , but the ground was too frozen to dig the grave . It was dug as much as possible each day . When it finally got deep enough and they were to bury the baby , the grave had 2 - 3 feet of water in it . Mom didn 't say what they did then . Dad had a threshing machine and cook shack ( Rosalie note : I have a fabulous photo of the threshing machine ) . He hired girls to do the cooking and men to pitch stacked wheat onto the threshing machine and went wherever wheat or oats needed to be threshed . It had a header to cut wheat . Ludwig decided to run for sheriff , but another man wanted to buy him off , which was against Dad 's principles , so he just dropped out of the race . Dad could play the organ and also the accordion and was good at raising sheep , cattle , horses , hogs or whatever he put his mind to . He was a good vet and was asked by others to help heal their animals . He could set a broken bone , and I recall a little boy being brought to our house very late one night . The boy had fallen and it was feared he had broken his leg . Dad examined him , but found nothing amiss . If an animal needed to be castrated , Dad took care of that , also . Once a young colt fell and broke its leg , but rather than destroy the animal , Dad set the leg and put splints on it that extended beyond his hooves . The colt was able to hobble around without harming the healing process , and he turned out just fine . Dad also shoed horses ( a farrier ) . We used to castrate the male roosters so they would become capons and would grow quite large . To castrate a rooster , you had to cut into them below the wing and remove the testicle . Dad taught the boys how to do this and that became their job . Sometimes the roosters would get an infection and die , but most of the time , it worked fine . Dad did his own butchering . He would scrape and clean all the pig intestines until they were spotless and then proceed to use them as casings to make the family sausage . He taught the boys how to clean the intestines and the boys always complained that it was the worst job of all when they had butchering day . Of course , there were no rubber gloves then , and now they clean them by blowing them out with a garden hose - so back then , by the time you were done , you were a filthy , smelly mess . Hams were put in the smokehouse as well as the sausage . Cooked pork chops were put in the crocks and covered with hot fat to preserve them . ( Note from Julie Scott : When I lived with my grandparents in 1963 , Grandpa decided to go into the sausage business with his mother 's recipe . He bought all the casings and expensive meat , seasoned and stuffed them , but didn 't check to see if the intestines had been cleaned properly . Consequently , all of the sausage that was on every flat surface in their basement went bad , and my grandmother threw it bit by bit out onto the canal bank for the dogs wandering around . ) Dad was a good farmer , and he rotated his crops . He was a very religious man and was a deacon in the church . He was very conscientious and extremely honest . Dad had his own threshing machine in North Dakota and threshed wheat for our family and many others . The family moved to Wichita Falls , Texas in 1908 . In Texas , I recall wandering around the pasture . One of the boys killed a huge rattlesnake that he held out at arm 's length and it almost touched the ground , it was so big . We had a nice pond there and a large barn . The boys slept in the loft . I recall playing in the hayloft - there was a saddle over a big board and we used to climb up onto it and pretend we were riding a horse . One day I fell off and hit my head , skinned it , I guess , since it bled so much . Mother cleaned it up and rocked me in her arms until I was quiet . There was a store fairly close by and Mother would give me a little basket and put 3 eggs into it . I would traipse off to the store and get some candy in exchange . I recall one day on my way , I met a bunch of soldiers - they were probably Texas Rangers . I was afraid of them , but they didn 't bother me . One time after supper , the boys were resting under a large tree and a tarantula came by . Gus picked up a stone and threw it and killed it . I also remember going to a show in Wichita Falls and there was a large lake in the area - I remember there was a large colored lady spitting tobacco . We didn 't stay too long in Texas because my brother Louis became very ill , but the family was never able to find the cause . They had a doctor come out one time and paid him their last ten dollars . Louis was still ill and would go by spells . It was really bad because at one point he suddenly couldn 't walk . ( Note from Rosalie : Perhaps it was from a tick bite - that would explain some of the symptoms and the fact that he later had heart trouble . The bacteria can cause all sorts of organ problems and they didn 't have antibiotics then ) . The family sold the farm and moved to Cordell , Oklahoma where they lived until 1912 . After about 4 years , they sold the farm and moved back to Streeter , North Dakota . Again , six months later , since Dad could no longer stand the climate , they moved to Herington , Kansas . Gus bought a pair of kid bloves for Bertha and she was so proud of them that she wore them when she played the organ for church . I will never know how she managed that . I don 't recall the name of the church . Bertha had cousins her own age , so they became friends . Adolph and his wife Reika lived close by , and she sewed . She made Bertha a beautiful navy blue serge dress with a yoke and then pleats from the yoke down in front and in back . She made me a dress , too - I think it was a two - piece red dress . She was a good seamstress . Alvin was a baby and he was in a carriage that they named Alvin . My grandfather was still living , so we got to meet him . He looked like my mother . We also met most of my aunts and uncles - at least those that still lived there . CORDELL , OKLAHOMA - 1910 We lived on a farm in Cordell , Oklahoma for a while where we grew alfalfa and cattle . Although we lived closer to Cordell , we went to church in Bessie . There was another farmer who lived almost across the road from us . There were a lot of Indians living around the area . Every time some would come to our place , I would run and hide under the bed . One time an Indian man and his wife came to the house and kept talking to mother . They seemed to be arguing , but Mother was unable to understand what they wanted , so they finally left . When Dad butchered a beef , the Indians would come and catch the blood and drink it . I recall going to town and seeing the Indians with their blankets wrapped around their shoulders . I don 't think we lived too far from town because one time Ed and I and maybe one other brother started to town . We had to cross a railroad track , and there was a man with his back towards the road , and we thought he was preaching , but he had his arms raised toward heaven , so maybe he was praying . We went on without any trouble . It was while living in Cordell that Arthur ran away from home the first time . Dad looked all over for him , even went to the police , but couldn 't find him . I think he was 14 at the time . From then on , he never stayed put - he would come home for a while , then leave again . One day , Mother went across the road to visit the neighbor lady , leaving me at home all alone because I was sleeping . I was only 4 - 5 years old . I woke up and started over to the neighbors , but they had a dog that kept barking at me , so I got scared and went toward the school where I knew the other kids were - at least a mile from the farm . On the way I passed some gypsies camped by the river or creeek . I was afraid , but I went on until I got to the school house . I arrived during recess . They were really mad when they saw me . I began to cry on the way home , but Mom was so glad to see me , she just hugged me and rocked me . The boys had even looked in the well for me . They didn 't know what had happened to me when Mother came home and didn 't find me . We had 3 buildings we used to live in : a summer house which was used as the kitchen and dining room , a 2 room house where we had 2 bedrooms . Mom and Dad slept in one and then we had a folding bed in the other room that was taken down at night , and Ed , Bertha and I slept in it . The bed was made of wool and somehow became infested with bedbugs , but I was the only one they would bite , so I ended up in the third building where the older boys slept . It was more of a shack , and as I recall , had 3 beds in it . Dad was a light sleeper , and we had a lot of cyclones in that area . It seemed that almost every night we 'd have to head for the cellar for safety . One night Dad called the boys and they figured they would sleep it out , but when one corner of the house began to lift , they grabbed me and raced for the cellar . We had quite a few friends there , but only had the horse and buggy for transportation . Mother would take me along . One lady offered to give me the material for a dress and I chose black . I remember the first funeral I went to was of a man and his wife that was a murder - suicide . When we moved to Kingman , Kansas , it turned out there was a $ 2 , 000 mortgage on the farm and Dad got stuck with it . We lived there for about 5 years before moving to Marion the first time for 6 months . We had a lot of fun on the farm , but it was a lot of hard work . Ed and I fed calves out of milk buckets . I hit one on the head with my fist . I had a ring on and found that the stone was missing . The calf kept butting the bucket and it made me mad . . A creek ran through our land , so we would take a stick and fasten a hook of some kind to a line and dig some worms to go fishing . I don 't recall catchng many fish . We had a nice stand of trees to play around in and also a good sized orchard . Mother would slice apples and spread them out on a sheet on the porch roof to dry . At Kingman on the farm , the boys had a small riding pony . Art and I went to the pasture after the cattle and on the way back down a hill , there was a creek . The pony jumped over the creek so smooth it didn 't even jar us . Gus worked for a farmer or rancher close by . He had a motorcycle . One time , he took me for a ride on it , and it was either misting rain or sleeting . It really did sting my face , but it was fun . When we arrived at Kingman , Dad tried to send me to school , but the teacher refused since school had already begun . A board member rode over one evening ( Gus 's boss ) and told Dad to go ahead and send me to school since that teacher couldn 't refuse me - so I went to school . I held my hand up one day to be excused so I could go to the bathroom , but the teacher refused . I was unable to hold it and pretty soon it was running down the aisle . After that she always answered our hands and permitted us to go . The blackboard was partially broken and there were just some laths in one place . One day a snake began to crawl out between those slats . The snake was right behind the teacher . Everyone began trying to call her attention to it , and after so long a time , she turned and saw the snake and stepped back away from it pretty fast . Since Louis was the oldest student , she asked him to kill it , but as I recall , the snake slithered back inside . It got the blackboard fixed ! One night the school house burned down . So the board members found an old deserted house so we could go to school until they built a new one . The abandoned house wasn 't much more than a shack . The new school house was built in another place about a quarter mile further from our place , but it sure was nice . Dad used to rent extra land and put it into wheat . At harvest time , he hire several hands to help with the harvest . A cookshack was usually set up for the cooking and everyone was fed . Dad always allowed everyone to take a nap after meals before they began working again . I am quite certain that one summer , one of the hands was Roy 's ( Julia 's future husband ) brother Jack . Ed went to town and he asked us to check at the post office to see if he had any mail . There was a letter for John H . Larue and we were so dumb , we didn 't know that Jack was the nickname for John . He was pretty disgusted with us . We had one horse that was sway - backed and one that somehow never grew to normal horse size , but she bore good colts . One mare that was beautiful just couldn 't seem to get pregnant , but when she finally did , she died before the colt was fully developed . It was about the size of a medium pig . Ed cut her open to see what was inside . Dad kept a stallion for breeding . They tend to become mean , so he was kept penned up in an enclosed stall . That is the only horse that I ever saw Dad whip . He would tak him out of his stall for exercise , but he would whip him with a buggy whip . He was broken to harness , so one time they hitched him up to a flat platform with slanting blades that was used to go down through the rows of corn to cut weeds . That horse bolted , threw Adolph , and he had his leg cut to the bone . He wasn 't taken to the doctor to be stitched up as they do now , so he had quite a scar on his leg . It was between the ankle and knee . For some reason , Dad sold our little pony , and one day while Ed and I were way out in the pasture , we came to a fence where there was a gate , and found the pony tied there . We were so glad to see him , we took him home , and of course Dad returned him to the people that bought him . We loved that pony . Sam got married while we lived there , and Dad helped him get a place of his own . We had a horse named Kate , and sometimes Ed and I would ride her to Sam 's place for a visit . She was a good , gentle , dependable horse . I guess Leona ( Sam 's wife ) had been used to going to dances because one time , she showed me how they danced . I just sat and watched . One time the boys ordered a case of whiskey , or bought it in town . Dad ran into it and broke every bottle … Mother always made kegs of wine out of mulberries . We had a long row of them , but she preferred grapes when she could get them . If we had company , they would go get some wine to serve our guests . She learned how to make wine from her grandfather . I do recall Mother putting up fruit or vegetables in cans . Seems that was the first method of preserving food other than drying , smoking or salting it . On Saturdays we would go to town . Mother made butter and sold it to the store or traded it . At that time , whenever you paid the grocer he would give the folks a bag of candy . We kids would watch people for entertainment . We were visiting once and I was wandering around and came upon a young man with his girlfriend . He said that if I would leave , he would give me a nickel . I did , but he did not give me the nickel . Well , every time I saw that man in town , I would hit him up for that nickel until finally he paid me just to get me off his back . I was really happy . I 'll bet he could have wrung my neck . The folks bought Ed a policeman 's uniform and he used to wear it to town . We even had our picture taken at a studio - Ed , Bertha and me . I think he felt pretty big in that uniform . Ed was small and had been sick when they were in Texas , so the folks rather favored him , and if anything went wrong , I usually got the blame , whether it was my fault or not . Never did we have a Christmas tree at our house . Once Bertha broke off a branch about 2 feet high and wrapped every branch with white tissue paper , then decorated it and that was our Christmas tree . They would always have me hang my stocking out on the porch , and on Christmas morning , it would have oranges , nuts and candy in it . I remember one year the folks gave me a set of doll dishes that looked like lead - could have been pewter - and I think they also gave me a stove . I was so proud of them . Dad made a cradle for my doll and painted it red . Bertha had one doll , too , but hers was larger than mine . The folks gave everyone a bible but Ed and me . I bought my own after graduation . Some of the bibles were in both German and English . We lived 3 miles from town , and Mother would let me walk there all alone and go to some church doing and then walk home again . I was about 8 - 9 years old . I had a playmate that lived over a mile from us , but I would go there at times to play , and sometimes I would stay all night . Mother became quite ill , and we thought she was going to die . So Dad sent Louis and Ed with a lantern to get a doctor one night . Mother recovered , but we soon had a telephone on the wall . It was the type you cranked to reach an operator . Sometimes I would listen to people 's conversations just for the fun of it . We had 2 dogs , a male named Fido and a white female . I can 't remember what her name was but she followed us to town one time and never came back . We figured she was probably picked up by the dog catcher . Mother had a yellow canary that usually sang constantly . When cleaning his cage , she sometimes permitted him to fly around the house . One day the cat got him . Mother could not find a single mark on the bird , but he was dead . She buried him close to the house and planted iris around his grave . I can still remember that when Dad sold the place and as we were leaving , Mother told the new owners that our canary was buried in the iris bed . There was a nice spring that Dad had built a box 3 / 4 around it , and on down the hill there was a dam . We kids used to walk around on stilts . Once we tried to walk into the pond on them , but with the deep mud , we finally gave up . We would go swimming in it , too . The older boys , especially Louie , I recall , did quite a bit of trapping . Sometimes I would go with him to make his trap line . There would sometimes be skunks and what else he caught I can 't recall . Mother fried the fat and used it for medication . The animals were carefully skinned and the hides stretched on boards to dry . When they had a bunch , they would sell them . I used to set traps for gophers and I would get 5 cents for each head or tail - maybe it was the ears . . We went to a picnic once for the school kids . Mother boiled some eggs in coffee so they would have a nice color , but the people refused to eat them . How that must have hurt her feelings . Mother 's own mother became quite ill and wasn 't expected to live , so Mother , Gus and Adolph went back to Streeter , North Dakota to see her . She died , however . Gus and Adolph decided to stay on , so Mother came home alone . School was to start before Mother got back , so a neighbor lady made me a dress . I also remember Mother buying me a ready - made dress one time . We sold the farm and moved to Marion for only six months . There , the house that Dad had rented , Mother refused to live in , so Dad found another house which was rather small , but the boys slept in the attic which had boards on the floor . We lived on the hill and had to go down into the valley to attend school . I had a great teacher . She must have liked me because whenever she encountered someone that knew me , she always asked about me . We used to play evenings out of doors under the street light . One morning , we were ready to go to school , but found out we couldn 't because the town flooded . We had no rain in Marion , but the stores , school and homes of people living in the valley were flooded . We had no school that day , and that made us all happy ! Sam couldn 't stand not being close to the folks , so he moved there , too , and lived about a block away from us . When Sam was of school age , the folks would send him to school in Streeter , but he only went long enough to barely learn to read and write . Somehow he refused to go back to school . Maybe that 's why he wanted to be close to the folks . After 6 months in Marion , the folks decided to move back to Streeter , North Dakota , but this time Sam didn 't follow . In Streeter , we lived in a large house that even had a bathroom , but the stool couldn 't be used in the winter months , so there was also an outhouse . We had a good school there , but it seemed to me that I already knew what they taught . We had one man professor that was mean . For some reason , he turned a large ring on his finger to the inside , and slapped Ed on the side of the head . Everyone there said there was no cause for him to do that . Ed had done nothing to deserve it . So some boys waylaid the teacher one night and beat him up . The next day , he had about 4 long scratches on one cheek . I asked him what happened , although I knew about the beating . He said he and Ethel ( his wife ) were scrapping and she scratched him . Dad couldn 't stand the extreme cold , so he left to look for a place to settle down . He went to Herington , Kansas and got a job , so we moved once again . We moved so much that the folks never paid much attention on how we enrolled in school . North Dakota had what we had already learned in Kansas , so when we moved back to Kansas , I enrolled in the 6th grade instead of the 5th . One day , the teacher said , " Are you sure you are in the right grade ? " right in front of the whole class . I did finish the 6th grade in Marion and went on to graduate from high school . I flunked civics , which was the history of Kansas , so I had to go to summer school so I could go to high school . I also flunked Latin , so had to take on extra subjects in order to get my credits , but I made it . In 1918 we were in Herington for one year . We moved into a 2 story house on S . 9th Street close to the railroad track . Dad worked for the railroad , walking the tracks and picking up coal . Walking on the rocks used for the track bed made his feel really sore . I remember he would soak them at night and they would have large cracks in them . He must have suffered agony walking on those sore feet . Finally he had to quit his job and go look for something else to do . We made a lot of friends while we were in Herington . The Hildermans were our next door neighbors . I recall Mrs . Hilderman had a baby that was stillborn , so Dad made a casket for it . Louis started dating Mary and ended up marrying her . Walter was only 4 years old , and there was Anna , Ella and Hulda . We also became friends with the Henrys and used to play with Leah and another of their children . World War I was on , and Gus was drafted , so he sold his ranch , horses and all of his belongings and turned the money over to Dad to keep for him . Mother knitted sweaters and socks for the soldiers , but they didn 't get them . They probably ended up on the black market . Mother would have a bad dream about Gus , then she would ask me to come and kneel beside the bed while she prayed for him . Finally the Peace Treaty was signed and while we were in Herington , Gus came home . I think Dad and Mother had already moved to Marion , because I stayed with Sam and Leona until school was out . It took Gus a year or two to get himself together . Then he went to Wichita to a mechanic school , then went to Herington and stayed with Adolph until he got a room with Mary Klieber and her father and a job with the Rock Island Railroad . Mary bought a house on West Main and they moved there and Gus ended up getting married to Mary Klieber . He was 33 years old ( Note from Rosalie : When Gus died , the bank president called Mom and told her that Gus had come in several years before and bought some savings bonds . The cash he bought them with was very musty smelling and the bank president was sure it had been stored underground or in a basement . The bank president told Mom she should check the house to be sure thee wasn 't more . Jerry and Mom went over to the house and looked in the basement , which had stones set for the walls - but never found anything . ) Adolph and his family moved to Herington , too , and he got a job with the railroad . Viola and Laurence were born in Herington , but Reika also had a miscarriage . When the railroad began making changes , Adolph was transferred to Moline , Illinois where they lived until both Reika and he died . ( Rosalie note : Larry and Viola were in touch frequently , but Alvin was always disappearing for years at a time and not telling anyone where he was going . When the last parent died , Larry and Viola needed to contact Alvin to finish up some legal work - they were coming to a deadline and had no idea where he was . All of a sudden , Alvin called my mom . I told her to be sure to ask Alvin why he would suddenly call . He said Reika appeared to him in a dream and told him he needed to contact the family immediately . He knew where Mom was , but not certain how to contact Larry or Viola , so he called Mom . ) I stayed with Reika and Alvin until Viola was born and helped bathe her . We went to Louis 's place when it came time for the baby to be born . I believe I stayed with her after Laurence was born , too . I remember they asked me what name to give him and I suggested several . One was Laurence , so he could be called Larry for short . Ed worked for the railroad in Herington . He was switching cars when one got loose and was running uncontrolled . It ran into the one Ed was on and broke his leg . He was 14 or 15 years old . Dad took him to Topeka to the railroad hospital where he remained for 6 weeks . By the time he got out , we were living in Marion . Dad bought a home in Marion , Kansas and opened a blacksmith shop of his own after working for another blacksmith for a while . Dad built a nice garage on our place at Marion with a sliding door . Later he built a washroom onto the back of the garage so Mother could wash out there . He installed a hotplate . When we first moved there , we burned wood and coal and had a 3 burner coal oil stove for summer cooking . Later , when Gus became available , we switched to a gas furnace ( floor ) and a kitchen gas range . There was a windmill and Dad made a high platform for a big horse tank and placed it on top to hold water so mother could water her garden . At times , the well would run dry , so it was a good way to store water . We also had a cistern under the house . Every so often , Dad would get a ladder and put it down into the cistern and clean it out so the water was drinkable . We had a large filter set up on the back porch that contained charcoal and something else , so the water from the eaves coming down the drain pipes would go through the filter before it went into the cistern . At one time , they had the football field just across the road from us . When the lights were turned on at night , Dad could see well enough to shingle the house . I think Dad may have made the first camper . A man had a truck and asked Dad to make a camper over it . It was made of wood and had all the conveniences inside that the man asked for . It was something to behold at that time . It was during the 1920 's . Due to the flooding , many people moved out of the valley , as did the stores . After Dad sold the place in Mation just before his death , the new owners began selling off the acres in lots for building houses . Now there are homes there all around , and a hospital where the football field was . It is quite pretty there now . Mom and Dad had just sold the home place , so mother was forced to move . She bought a nice home and continued to live at Marion for perhaps 2 more years or so , and then she sold that place and bought a small home in Herington on 10th Street where she lived until a year before her death in 1963 . She lived in a nursing home for about a year before she passed away at the age of 94 . ( Rosalie note : Mom said at some point after her dad died , a man named Wunsch wanted to marry Grandma , but the only reason he wanted to marry her was to hopefully get at any money she may have gotten when they sold the farm . They were not married long and Mom and Grandma didn 't talk about him at all . There wasn 't any money left that he got hold of that I know . When she bought the small house in Herington , Wunsch was gone by then as far as I know . She had to go on welfare to get by , though we shared food from our garden . Another story I remember was at one point , her neighbor called Mom and said excitedly that Grandma had gone crazy and that Mom had better get over there real fast . Mom asked what Grandma was doing , and the neighbor said she was out in the yard picking dandelion blooms . Just the blooms , not the leaves . Mom went over there and asked her what she was doing and Grandma replied : " I haven 't had any dandelion wine in 45 years , and by Gott , I am going to make some " … and she did . I was in high school and took advantage of the recipe and made some of my own . It was really quite tasty , but you have to make it correctly and absolutely pick out as much of the green as possible or it will be bitter . I still had some when we moved to California , and we were in an apartment with a wine chemist at the time . She tasted it and wanted to do some chemical tests on it . She did , and was very excited to tell us that the balance was excellent . In other words , Grandma 's recipe and instructions on how to make dandelion wine resulted in a very good wine . I thought that was pretty interesting . We still have a little bit left , but I realize you don 't drink alcohol ( to Uncle Ted Rittel ) . Let me know if you decide to do some " historical research " to taste it … . . ( Mom ( Julia ) continues : I started working in a photo studio while in school - the man just asked me if I would like to work for him . I worked after school and on Saturdays . I got $ 3 a week . If the weather was bad , he would take me out to lunch . They were beautiful people . His wife 's name was Rosalie , so I later named my daughter after her . He had planned on opening a studio in Hilsboro and put me in charge of it . However , he became ill and died of a goiter problem . An elderly lady , also a photographer , bought out the place and I ran it for 2 years . Another photographer was angry because he hadn 't gotten it , so he opened his own studio , which hurt our business . I sold my share to the lady and went to Herington and began working for a title company . I was promoted as bookkeeper to Service Representative in Abilene . I was over Solomon , Gypsum , Enterprise and Herington . ( Rosalie note : In her notes above , mother didn 't mention a story that she told to me many times . She was a pbx operator for a number of years and worked her way up to be the branch manager of the Southwestern Bell telephone office in Herington . She dated dad for 13 years before getting married . She liked the work a lot and said she had experienced a lot of discrimination . But the policy was that if you got married , you had to quit . She had pushed the biological clock to the limit and I was born when she was 39 and Dad was 40 . ) I taught myself how to play the organ with the help of Ludwig and Bertha . I played hymns for the church . Louie bought me a piano while I lived in Herington and I taught myself to play that as well . I enjoyed playing the piano a lot and wanted Rosalie to play too . Rosalie did not enjoy the piano , though she took lessons for several years . She did take voice lessons , though , and sang in an octet for several years and soloed in church and with the choir . Roy inherited a number of musical instruments from his side of the family . He had an old violin that was supposed to have come from France to Canada and down to Kansas and was played in the civil war . He also had a mandolin that was quite old , and a relatively new banjo . When we lived in Kansas , I did quite a bit of research on my great grandfather 's family history . His parents ( German colonists from what is now the Ukraine / Moldova area ) settled in east central Kansas and I was able to visit the places they worked and lived , as well as their gravesites . I have only one remaining relative in Kansas that I know of : Jerry Rittel , owner of Rittel 's Western Wear in Abilene . I met him in the autumn of 2002 on my first trip to Marion and the surrounding towns . The Rittel family story ( what little is known , anyway ) is quite fascinating ; I only wish I had more details of how the family came to America and what their life in the old Russian Empire was like . The story of the German colonization of the Black Sea area has been well documented , but I wish my family had been more interested in preserving their family stories . I get the feeling that my great grandfather didn 't want to have much to do with the culture of his immigrant parents , preferring the anonymity of American individualism to his parent 's traditional ways . Ludwig Rittel was born was born November 26 , 1868 , the sixth child and third son of Johann Karl and Elisabeth Margaretha Neuffer Rittel . In 1888 he left his birthplace of Bergdorf , Russia and emigrated to the United States with other German colonists . He married Katharina Graf in South Dakota on October 26 , 1888 . One source writes that Katharina ( Katherine ) was pregnant at the age of 17 when she left her homeland in 1886 ; I do not know whether her baby , Lydia , was the daughter of Ludwig or some other man . The couple lived in Texas , North Dakota , and Herington , Kansas before settling near Herington in the German colony of Marion in 1919 . Ludwig and Katharina raised ten children in Marion and were members of the Emanuel Baptist Church . Ludwig walked every day into town to run his blacksmith shop across the street from the park . On the evening of February 24 , 1943 , he died suddenly at his home on South Freeborn Street . Ludwig Rittel was buried in Highland Cemetery . Katherina Graf was born on June 25 , 1868 in Neudorf , Russia , the first daughter and second child of Johann and Christine Mitleiter Graf . She emigrated in 1886 . At the age of twenty , Katherina married Ludwig Rittel in South Dakota and eventually settled with him in Marion , Kansas . After Ludwig died in 1943 , Katherina tended the family home in Marion but later decided to join several of her sons in the railroad town of Herington , Kansas . She moved there in 1947 . She married a second time in Herington to a Mr . Wunsch . After his death , she moved to the Herington Rest Home on September 1 , 1962 , and passed away at the age of 94 on Friday , April 26 , 1963 . She was buried beside her first husband at Highland Cemetery in Marion . Lydia Rittel was born at Kunk Vine , Logan County , North Dakota , on August 17 , 1886 . She was the oldest daughter of Katharina Graf Rittel . Lydia 's mother married Ludwig Rittel when she was about two years old , if my dates are correct . Lydia married Wilhelm ( William ) Grentz , also a native of Southern Russia , in 1902 . William and Lydia ( Linda ) had ten children , two of whom died as infants . Lydia appears to have lived most of her married life away from the rest of the family , in California . William died in 1946 at Sacramento . A degree of her distance from the rest of the family , both physically and emotionally , can be understood when reading the story of how she visited her younger brother Art after a separation of 54 years ( see the entry for Arthur Rittel ) . Lydia passed away on June 30 , 1973 at Sacramento . Samuel Rittel was born at Napoleon , North Dakota on January 27 , 1889 . He moved to Herington , Kansas in 1918 where he worked as an oiler and hustler for the Rock Island Railroad . He married Leona Blumenhurst on November 8 , 1915 . After a divorce , he remarried to a woman named Alta , whom he also later divorced . He and Leona had at least one daughter , Beulah K . Rittel , who lived in Kennewick , Washington . As the oldest and largest brother in the Rittel family , Sam was a quiet , taciturn man who often shunned the company of his family and neighbors . At the age of 75 he moved into a Lutheran rest home and passed away at the age of 81 on May 15 , 1971 in Herington . August Rittel was born October 11 , 1890 at Richville , North Dakota , where he grew up with his parents Ludwig and Katherina Graf Rittel . On April 2 , 1918 , Gus enlisted in the army at Jamestown , North Dakota , and served until May 2 , 1919 when he was discharged at Camp Dodge in Iowa . For a time he lived in Marion where he married Mary Kleiber on March 30 , 1929 . The couple moved to Herington where Gus became a store clerk for the Rock Island Railroad . Mary passed away August 30 , 1945 . He retired from his position March 7 , 1959 , and died February 15 , 1962 in Herington . Gus was a member of the American Legion , Veterans of Foreign Wars , and was an active member of his community and the Church of God . He and Mary had no children . Jacob Rittel was born November 9 , 1892 at Napoleon , North Dakota . He married Lydia Schmerer in about 1916 and moved to Cordell , Oklahoma , where he was a barber . Jake and Lydia had one daughter , Ruby . Jake passed away on December 28 , 1957 in Cordell . Adolph Rittel was born on September 13 , 1894 at Napoleon , Logan County , North Dakota . He was married on December 22 , 1914 , to Heinericka " Tessia " Kuebler , a native of South Dakota . The couple had four children . Rica died in 1958 and Adolph continued to work for the railroad . He died at Silvis , Illinois on June 19 , 1969 . My great - grandfather Arthur Rittel was born February 18 , 1898 at Napoleon , North Dakota . He seems to have been a very restless man , never feeling completely at home even among his brothers , sisters , and parents . The story of his later life is told in detail in a book written by his second wife , Beatrice Williams . Art was married in 1915 at the age of 17 to Bernice Mae Ecton , a Kansas girl from the ghost town of Penalosa . They had a daughter , Grace , and a son , Arthur Alfonso . They divorced over what appears to have been Art 's suspicion that Bernice had been untrue . Since Arthur disliked farm work and life in small - town Marion , Ludwig gave him $ 150 to attend barber school in Kansas City . After his divorce , Art left Kansas and his entire family behind and moved to Idaho . He met and fell in love with Beatrice Williams , a proper girl of English parentage who called him the " cleanest and neatest person I had ever seen " . Art and Beatrice were married at Idaho Falls on February 26 , 1923 , much to the chagrin of Beatrice 's father . Their life together was one of settling in one spot for a time while Art pursued his trade as a barber , then moving on when he became restless for the next venue . Beatrice and Art had four children . They eventually settled in Burley , Idaho , where Art died on December 11 , 1973 . Beatrice was later married to Herman Stoker . She passed away March 13 , 1997 in Burley . Ludwig " Louis " Rittel , Jun . was born 10 April 1900 at Napoleon , North Dakota . He moved to Herington with his parents in 1918 and married Mary Hilderman on December 21 , 1919 . They had one son , Jerold " Jerry " Dean Rittel , who as one of the last surviving Rittels in Kansas now operates Rittel 's Western Wear , a retail store in Abilene . Louis worked for the Rock Island Railroad for 39 years and served as chairman for the Board of Trustees in the Church of God . He died suddenly at his home on June 27 , 1958 at the age of 58 . Mary Hilderman was born July 1 , 1899 at Rosenburg , Russia . She came to Herington , Kansas as a little girl . On December 21 , 1919 , she married Ludwig " Louis " Rittel , Jun . Mary and Louis were very active in the Church of God . She passed away August 29 , 1965 in Herington . Bertha Rittel was born August 20 , 1902 , at Napoleon , North Dakota . She married Ezra H . Riffel and had three children . Later in life she lived at San Diego , California . Ed Rittel was born July 30 , 1904 at Lehr , North Dakota . He married Nettie Irene Rempel of Marion , Kansas and had three children . Ed and Nettie were the only couple of Ed 's family that stayed in Marion , where Ed worked at a chicken packing plant . Edward died on December 28 , 1974 at Marion . Nettie passed away March 13 , 2002 , the last of her generation . Julia Anna Rittel was the youngest child and daughter of Ludwig and Katharina . She was born May 8 , 1906 at Napoleon , North Dakota . She married Roy Ernest LaRue on August 19 , 1943 . They had at one daughter . Roy " Peck " LaRue died on August 31 , 1983 , and Julia passed away January 29 , 1992 at Dinuba , Tulare County , California . |
Catherine sat out on her balcony late into the night . It had been over a week , and she was hoping Vincent would come by for a visit . With a sigh , she stood and walked to the wall to look out over the city . She missed seeing him , but knew he was probably staying close to Father , helping him through the grief of losing Margaret . She had just started to walk inside when she heard a sound behind her . She turned around , surprised to see Vincent standing there . He never came this late unless something was wrong . Vincent was relieved she understood . " Yes . He 's grieving , but he 'll be better … with time . He pushes me away , but I 've been trying to stay close , just in case . " " I was only ten when my mother died , but I did the same thing . It 's like an innate sense that a child has ; they can tell when their parent needs time alone or when to stay close . I 'm sure Father is finding great comfort in knowing you 're near . " Vincent nodded gratefully , and Catherine touched his arm . " So why did you come here tonight ? " Catherine was horrified ; she felt so selfish . " Oh … I am so sorry . I never meant for you to feel the need … to make you have to come and see me . I understand that you 've been busy . . . " With a smile , Vincent interrupted her . " Catherine , I wanted to see you as well , even if it was only for a few minutes . " Catherine smiled up at him gratefully as she walked towards him and put her arms around him . " I know it 's late and you have to get back , but thanks for coming . I missed you so much . " She laid her head against his chest . Vincent placed his arms around her and pulled her under his chin . She tightened her embrace as he did . Vincent moved his head caressingly against hers . " I missed you as well . " With a sigh , he pulled away . " But I do have to get back . " Catherine shook her head . " No , it is the Hutterly case . I know it 's impossible ! I was wondering if you 're making any headway . . . " Edie looked at her , relieved she didn 't have another hard case for her . " Actually , I got a break right before you called me for lunch . It took me three hours to get it . I 'm hoping after lunch to dig into the details of the files . You 're lucky Joe let 's me work on your stuff as a priority . I have some people very angry at me right now . " Catherine grimaced . " Who ? Maybe I could talk to them . " Edie laughed . " Joe 's way ahead of you . He came up and heard Corsey yelling at me for not getting his information , and Joe let him have it . " Catherine leaned forward with curiousity . Because he was loud and abrasive , Corsey wasn 't well liked , which did nothing to help his attitude . " What 'd Joe say ? " " Well , as Corsey 's yelling at me , Joe walks up . He asks Corsey if there 's a problem . Corsey turns angrily to him and says , " Yeah , there is ! I gave this incompetent something to look up yesterday afternoon and she still hasn 't gotten to it ! " Edie 's smiled . " So Joe 's face gets redder than a tomato , and he gets into Corsey 's face and yells , " Corsey , this is one of the best computer operators we 've got ! I think the incompetent one is you ! Just for your information , she 's working on getting Chandler 's case together . " Edie shook her head . " Well , Corsey digs himself in further and asks Joe why your cases always get top priority . " Catherine moaned aloud as she shook her head . She knew at this point Joe had to be at his boiling point , and Edie started to laugh . Joe looks at him and says , " Well , Corsey it 's like this … Chandler is one of our top investigators . She has some of our highest profile cases . Right now , she 's working on the Hutterly case . Maybe you 've heard of it ? It 's the one that 's been in the headlines every day for the past week ! Let me see you 're working on . . . What is it ? Oh , yeah , you have the high school drug bust of two teenagers who had a total of three joints on them . Let me guess . . . you looked up their names and their parents have unlisted numbers , so you came to our top computer operator to take up her time because it never occurred to you to call the principal and ask for his help ! " Catherine shook her head again . She felt sorry for Corsey . He was young and only trying to prove himself . Edie continued . " So Corsey blushes as people begin to overhear . He turns to me and apologizes , then heads off to hide at his desk . Joe looks over at me , says what a moron Corsey is , then tells me ' good work ' and storms away . " " Are you finished with lunch ? " Edie nodded so Catherine continued . " Could you look them up for me ? I 'd like to take them to Corsey . He 's just a kid trying to make a name . . . " Catherine followed Edie to her desk . She was interrupted by a phone call , so it slowed her down , and it actually took her seven minutes to get Corsey 's addresses . Edie printed the information for Corsey as she hung up the phone . " Cat , that was Joe ; he wants to see you . Can you give him this file ? And here 's Corsey 's stuff . " Derek put his head down and nodded , smart enough to take advice . Catherine tilted her head to make eye contact with him . " When you go and see the parents . . . don 't be aggressive . Go in there and explain that you understand how hard it is to raise good kids in this day and age . Tell them you know parents like them work hard all day and try to do the best for their kids . Tell them that sometimes kids will stray a little and need to be punished , even if it 's only with community service . Most of them will come around and work with you . " Derek thought quickly . He had planned on doing just the opposite . He was going to ask these parents why they didn 't know what their kids were doing ? Why their kids were hanging out in the schoolyard instead of at home ? He realized that Catherine 's way was going to work much better . Catherine stood and watched him as she saw what she 'd said sink into his thoughts . He looked up at her gratefully . " Thanks Miss . . . Cathy ! " Catherine turned and left but threw over her shoulder loudly so people could here . " You 're welcome , Derek . Anytime you need help , you come see me . We 've all been the new kid at one time or another , trying to prove ourselves . " Derek watched as people looked at her , then him , and blushed at the truth behind her words . He looked down at the list of addresses and in his mind thanked her over and over . With a smile , Catherine walked into Joe 's office in answer to his summons . He smiled , handing her a file . " Got a choice one , Radcliffe . " She glanced at the file , then looked up a question in her eyes . Joe grinned and explained the case . " Wealthy socialite throws himself out a window . Turns out he was poisoned by a loyal servant . " Catherine laughed . " You mean I finally get a case where the butler did it ? " " Hey , good help 's hard to find . . . Suspect 's name is Hector Ocala . Cops found the poison in his room . Lab said it was Haitian , just like Hector . . . " Catherine raised her eye brows , surprised it was going to be this easy . " Awfully damning . . . Do we have a motive ? " Joe nodded . " His boss left him fifty thousand dollars in his will . " " That 'll do … sounds like this one 's open and shut . " Joe chuckled . " Yeah , well up until an hour ago . Now the public defender claims that Hector Ocala is incapacitated , unable to stand trial . " Catherine looked confused . " On what grounds ? " " Get this ! P . D . says Hector Ocala is some sort of voodoo priest . They say he 's gone into a trance . Go check it out ! " Catherine stood and rolled her eyes in disbelief . Oh , boy . People can come up with all types of excuses , she thought . She would not let Hector Ocala get away with murder using some bogus alibi ! She stopped herself as she walked to the door and turned around to look back at him . " Joe , thanks for an easy one . " Joe nodded . " This Hutterly case is a hard one to crack , isn 't it ? " Catherine sighed and nodded . Joe grinned and offered her encouragement . " Just keep at it . " " I will . Edie 's making some headway . I 'm going to head to the tombs and talk to Ocala . I should have this wrapped up by tonight . " Catherine walked to the prison where she asked to see Hector Ocala . The officer gave her an odd look , then took her to his cell . Ocala sat with his back to Catherine . He rocked back and forth chanting some unknown words . The officer told her he 'd been like that since he came in . He didn 't eat or sleep or talk . One of the prisoners said it was some kind of voodoo trance . Catherine observed Ocala , who never stopped his chanting . This guy is good , she thought . He was playing this defense well ; he had the police convinced . But not Catherine . She needed to prove Hector Ocala was a fake . She thought about how she could accomplish it . She didn 't want some crazy from off the street . She needed someone with prestige , someone who would be a credible witness for the defense . She called the university and asked if any of the teachers were knowledgeable about voodoo customs . They referred her to a Professor Alexander Ross . She called his secretary who informed Catherine he was between classes and could see her . She walked into Ross 's office and noticed a man standing up on a chair . " Professor Ross ? " The handsome man looked down at her . " Yes . " " I 'm Catherine Chandler " He said at the same time , " Chandler . Yes … my secretary said you phoned . " " Have I caught you at a bad time ? " " No , No not at all … good … sit down . Let me take this . " He referred to her coat and briefcase . He took them and laid them in a nearby chair as he motioned for her to take a seat . He walked behind his desk and sat down . " So what can I do for you , Catherine Chandler ? " " Well , I 've been told you 're an authority on voodoo . " He smiled . " Yeah … Yeah , much to the chagrin of my colleagues in science . " She smirked at his light joke , then grew serious . " We have a murder suspect in custody . His defense attorneys claim he 's a voodoo priest . " " Well , if he 's committed a murder , then he 's not a priest . More likely a sorcerer , a boko , a servant of evil . Voodoo is full of dualisms - white magic , black magic - and each has its cult . If you 're inside the cult , then you 're protected . If you are outside , then you are the enemy , and their gods and demons are everywhere . Loa they are called , and they can assume any form : birds , clouds , beasts , and , well … they do possess people , " he supplied . Catherine nodded . " Scientifically speaking of course . " He stood and walked to the shelves in his room . " Well , I can explain it in medical terms if you prefer . Voodoo long ago discovered a truth that modern medicine still resists . The mind rules the body . " Catherine shook her head . " I don 't know if I believe that . " While they were talking , Alexander studied her . He saw something inside of her that he couldn 't explain . He needed to keep her close and grabbed a seashell from a shelf and caressed it in his hands . He brought it over and handed it to her . " Here , look at this . What do you see ? " " No , it 's a key to the universe , a beacon to the gods . " He waved his hands in front of her . " You see , in voodoo , nothing is as it appears to be . " She played with the shell , caressing it with her hands . " Really . " " Is this intrinsically any less powerful than the sacred images of all the other religions ? " She saw his point and moved to hand him back the shell . " I guess not . " " No … No you keep it for good luck . " He smiled and took her hand in his , tightly closing the shell into her palm . He looked deeply in her eyes , then broke contact , walked around his desk , and sat back down . " Oh … look … forgive me . You 've got to forgive me for carrying on like this about this stuff . I have this bad habit of lecturing all the time , and you didn 't come here for a seminar . " She smiled . " No , I didn 't . I need to determine if Hector Ocala 's trance is a put - on . . . a maneuver to avoid prosecution . " Alexander shook his head . " You see , I couldn 't possibly tell you that without seeing him in person . " Catherine looked at him hopefully . " Would you be willing to go to the tombs and have a look ? " He nodded , his curiosity aroused . " I was hoping that you would ask . How 'd you get here today ? " " I took a taxi . " Alexander waved his arm . " Well , come on . You can ride with me . " They walked to the parking lot . Alexander stopped at his car and let her in , then walked to the driver 's side . Catherine chuckled and sarcastically answered , " A crime is committed and a man creates a bogus defense . That 's not intriguing . " Alexander would not let her take this lightly . " No , but the fact that he could be in a voodoo trance is . " Catherine could tell that Alexander believed in what was going on , and she felt bad for making light of it . She wisely decided to keep her opinions to herself since she was not the expert here . She sat thinking about Alexander as he drove , enthralled by his words . He was an enigmatic speaker , and she was fascinated by the things he told her … although she didn 't know how much of it she believed . He was a nice man . She trusted him . He would be a good witness for the defense . Alexander and Catherine walked into the prison together . The same police officer who had escorted her earlier walked them to Hector 's cell . Catherine turned to the officer . " How is he ? " The officer shrugged . " The same . " Alexander observed Hector as he chanted . Catherine looked curiously at Hector , then up at Alexander . " Do you think he knows we 're here ? " Alexander continued to stare at Hector . " It 's hard to tell . " The police officer moved forward and yelled to Hector trying to get his attention . Hector sensed evil and paused then turned around . Seeing Catherine , he became enraged . He ran at her , trying to grab her through the bars . She and Alexander stepped back defensively . Hector called out to her . " Beast … Beast of the night . " Catherine 's heart pounded wildly . She thought about Vincent and wondered if Hector could tell somehow that they were connected . Alexander guided her away , and they left Hector alone sitting in his cell , still chanting . Catherine tried to hide her feelings , but wondered aloud . " What 's he saying ? " Alexander hid his surprise , but he answered . " It 's a chant , an invocation against an evil spirit . Most of it , anyway . " Catherine looked at him curiously . " And the part about the beast ? " " That was a hallucination , a projection of his fear , only to him it was really there . Look , I know you don 't want to hear this , but I think your suspect is for real . " Alexander was right ; this was definitely not what Catherine wanted to hear ! " Do you think if you spent some time with him you could break into Hector 's trance ? " He removed his hand as they walked to the parking lot . Catherine liked him and assumed he was a really nice guy . When they got to his car , he took her hand again . " Miss Chandler … Cathy . . . It has been a pleasure to meet you . I won 't let you down . Trust me . . . " Alexander nodded . " Yes , please don 't hesitate to call me . . . for any reason , whatsoever . I 'm here for you … " That was odd . Nice but odd , Catherine thought as he got into his car . She turned away and hailed a cab for her next appointment . * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Alexander left Catherine at the prison . On his drive back to the university , he thought about the moment he 'd met her . He could almost see the power surging within her . She was skeptical , but he could also tell she was open to new possibilities . He thought she could be controlled , and if he had the chance , he was going to take it . He had already started the process , giving her that shell , suggesting to her its hidden powers . Her mind was already starting to open to his will . He was shocked , but pleased , when Hector Ocala saw the beast hidden in her . He , too , had seen it , but was unsure . Hector proved his theory for him . He needed to keep this woman close to him . He wanted to make sure he became indispensable to her . This woman had the power of Baka in her , and he wanted access to it . In the world Below , a few of the men were sick , and Vincent had worked sentry duty the entire night . He was taking a nap in bed , tossing and turning in the throws of a nightmare . In his dreams , he was threading his way through a group of people . Nobody noticed him ; they were all facing forward looking at something so enthralling they wouldn 't look away . As he got closer to the front of the group , he noticed a casket . Heart pounding , he peered inside the casket . It was Catherine ! His shouts of disbelief woke him from his slumber ; he was panting heavily , his heart pounding in fear . He searched through the bond and felt that Catherine was safe and not in any danger . Still , he felt something unusual , and he couldn 't put his finger on what was different . He lay back and thought about the dream . Sometimes in the past , his dreams came true ; they were almost like a premonition . He shuddered to think that this was one of them . His heart rate finally slowed , and he drifted back off to sleep again . On her way back to the office , Catherine decided to interview Lindsey Gates , the girl who was with William Coleman the night he killed himself . Catherine asked Lindsey if she knew anything about Hector Ocala 's involvement in voodoo . Lindsey told Catherine Hector was a boko , a voodoo sorcerer , and that , even though Hector was his servant , William was terrified of him . William had met Lindsey when he came in to the shop looking for something to protect him from Hector , and he 'd begged her to attend the dinner party with him . Catherine informed Lindsey that William was poisoned , but Lindsey insisted he died as a result of a voodoo curse . Catherine went to Joe and told him she suspected Hector Ocala 's trance was real . Joe was incredulous that she had bought in to the excuse , and he insisted she go back to the jail and get Hector to talk to her . Admitting to herself that Hector had scared her , she thought about calling Alexander , but took a deep breath and left the office . Catherine had little reason to worry as she went to the prison ; she knew she 'd be safe and that she 'd be surrounded by officers . She was walked in to find Hector being removed from his cell . She was surprised to hear he was dead and asked the coroner for a copy of the autopsy as soon as it was completed . She finally got home that night after an exhausting day to find that her apartment had been broken into and trashed . Furniture was tipped over , items strewn about , and her name was spelled out backwards in the blood from a decapitated chicken laying on her table . The most unsettling thing , however , was an image of a lion face on her wall , which had also been painted in chicken 's blood . The image looked frighteningly like Vincent . Catherine walked to the phone and dialed the police department . " Officer Hopkins , can I help you ? " Catherine hung up and walked around the room , carefully avoiding touching anything . Her unusual feelings today had prompted Vincent to plan to see her tonight , and he was on his way when her emotional turmoil upon her arrival home brought him racing to her side . " Catherine ! " He startled her , but she walked out to the balcony . As Vincent held her gently by the arms , he could feel her body quivering . " Are you all right ? " She smiled at him , thankful he was there to comfort her . " I am now . " She turned to look at her room . " Did you see what they did ? " He looked in disbelief at the mess someone created . " Who would have done this ? " Catherine 's brow furrowed . " I was investigating a man who belonged to a voodoo cult . He died this afternoon , but I 'm sure it 's related . " She looked at him with concern . " You can 't stay long . The police are on their way . " Vincent looked at her intently , sensing even stronger now that something was different in her . " Whoever did this is trying to frighten you , to control you with fear . " She put up a brave front to calm herself . " I 'm not afraid . " He caressed her arms , proud of her . " Good ! " Catherine turned to the look - a - like portrait of Vincent . " The drawing ? " Vincent looked up at the uncanny resemblance of him on her wall . " Yes . " " What do you think it means ? " Vincent guessed that somebody was playing mind games with Catherine . " It 's a picture of what they 're most afraid of . For them it has power . You must not surrender to it ! " She smiled at him . " I won 't . " They both heard the approaching sirens . She touched his arm , wanting to show him she was all right . " You better go . " She walked through her apartment and used her intercom to call down to the doorman . She told him to let the police up to her apartment . Five minutes later , there was a knock on her door . Joe looked on as an officer picked up the dead chicken and put it in a bag . Catherine grimaced and Joe shook his head in disgust . " Who the hell sacrifices farm animals at their parties ? " An officer walking by heard Joe 's comment . He stopped and offered his opinion . " People who believe in voodoo sacrifices . Watch your step , Miss ! " The officer left and Joe turned to Catherine . " Don 't listen to him . . . that guy 's nuts . It was probably just some kids who got in the building . " Catherine nodded her head . " Yeah , maybe . " She knew it wasn 't kids , but she wasn 't up for an argument . Joe nodded as the officers began to leave . " You want some help turning over these footstools . " Joe grinned as he pointed at her couch . She rolled her eyes . " That 's my couch , Joe . " Catherine picked up paintings and decorative objects , while Joe and three of the officers put the furniture back into place . Catherine scrubbed at the offending blood on her walls . She sighed realizing it would probably need to be repainted . Joe came over and watched her dismay . " Hey , my brother - in - law is a painter . Let me see if he knows of a way to get that stuff off . " Catherine nodded as she looked at the room . Joe and the other guys had accomplished a lot . She had some odds and ends to pick up , but she could easily do it tomorrow . Catherine shook her head smiling ruefully as she pushed him out the door then locked up . She turned to the room and slowly began to shake . The realization of what had occurred came crashing down on her , and she began to cry as her insides quaked with fear . She grabbed her keys and coat and headed to the basement . As she climbed unsteadily down the ladder , she felt hands reach out for her . She startled until a velvet voice called out , " You 're safe . I 'm here . " Catherine let go of the ladder and was immediately cradled in Vincent 's arms . He turned her , and she buried her face and cried into his shirt . He soothingly ran his hand up and down her back , murmuring words of comfort . Eventually she got herself under control . Catherine sighed . " I was doing fine … then , when everyone was gone , it just … hit me . And I . . . I just knew that I needed to see you . I was surprised when you were here so quickly . " Catherine nodded , then turned and headed back up the ladder . Vincent frowned as he watched her ascend . He couldn 't put his finger on it , but something was definitely different about her . Something inside of her was subtly changing . Catherine tossed and turned all night as the images of the dead chicken and bloody writings flashed through her mind . She called Alexander the next morning and asked him to come to her apartment . When he arrived , he lied to her and told her the same thing had happened to his place . She served him coffee , and while she was distracted , he was able to sprinkle some type of powder in her cup . He nonchalantly told her he thought that the trashing of their apartments had probably been done by Ocala 's followers . He said that their problems were not over and that Ocala 's followers would want to avenge his death . She informed him that she would not let them frighten her off the case . He told her they were trying to frighten her to death . Catherine insisted she would not drop the case . He promised to help her any way that he could ande offered to take her out to dinner that night . She readily agreed . That day , Catherine visited Hector 's brother , who told her that Hector 's enemies killed William Coleman to get to Hector . He warned her to back off the case or the same thing would happen to her . Catherine went to work . Her subconscious was starting to work overtime , and fear was creeping its way through her mind . Vincent poured through Father 's library looking for information on voodoo . Father offered what he knew , wondering why Vincent was suddenly so interested . Vincent told him about the case Catherine was working on and that someone was trying to harm her using fear as their weapon . " I 'm not sure . You haven 't seen her since you were a young boy . I would guess that she wouldn 't forget meeting you . You kind of stand apart from the others , " he said sarcastically . Father nodded as he grimaced in agreement . " Narcissa has strong beliefs in the occult , and she uses those tools in her daily life . She would be the best one to answer your questions . " Vincent made the long trek down to where Narcissa stayed . He had to do whatever he could to help Catherine . Vincent found her in a hidden chamber . Narcissa greeted him before he could re - introduce himself . " Welcome , Veencent . " " Narcissa , I need your help , your knowledge . " She cackled again . " I am a crazy old woman . Hasn 't Father told you so ? How can I help you ? " " I have a friend who 's in danger . Her name is Catherine . She lives in the world Above . Men have broken into her home , shattered her mirrors , defaced her walls . She is afraid it is the work of those who believe in voodoo . " Narcissa started chanting and could see and understand what Vincent was talking about . She turned to him . " They have placed your friend under a curse . " Vincent suspected that it was true . He was also disturbed by the likeness of him on the wall . " There was a drawing on the wall ? " Narcissa explained . " The drawing is veve ; it is used to summon the demon Baca , the great beast , the devourer . No magic is as great as Baca 's . No magic is as evil ! " Vincent shook his head in disbelief . He didn 't believe , and he thought Catherine didn 't believe in magical powers . " But magic can only touch those who believe in its power . " Narcissa insistently tried to explain the evil magic . " No ! Magic is power , power of the words , of the powder , of the fear that curls in the heart like a black worm . " Narcissa warned him , " Watch your friend , Vincent ! Guard her close . The way is dark before her . " " Narcissa , are you saying that Catherine is in danger and doesn 't know it ? " Vincent nodded gravely . There was a truth to Narcissa 's words . He had sensed something different in Catherine . Perhaps it was psychological fear worming its way through her body . " What can I do to help her ? " " Stay close . " Narcissa reached out and took his hand . " Go now , help your friend , and tell the Father that I am well and am thankful for the supplies he sends me . " Vincent cocked his head curiously . " Are they enough ? Do you require anything else ? Mary said she wished you lived closer to us so that we could help you more . " Vincent left and took Narcissa 's words to heart . He would stay nearby , waiting to go to Catherine if she needed him . He walked back up and towards Father 's library . Father smiled as he walked in . " Vincent . Did you find Narcissa ? Is she well ? " " Narcissa speaks in riddles . She leaves it up to the listener to decipher what she has said . " Father sighed . " I hesitate to ask , but what did she say ? " " Well , we 'll just have to see what happens in the future . For the time being , all you can do is keep an eye on her . " " That 's what Narcissa said . " Catherine left work to meet Alexander for dinner . As she pulled away from her parking space , she felt something crawling on her legs . She slammed to a stop and looked down then screeched in horror . In one swift move , she reached down and pulled a snake off her legs , opened the door , threw it to the ground , and watched it slither away . Her heart was racing frantically ; she hated snakes and stared at it in disbelief . What was the chance that a snake could get into a car in a cement parking garage in the middle of the city ? She met Alexander and told him about the snake incident . He listened sympathetically and then waited until she was distracted by the waitress before he slipped some more powder into her champagne glass . He could tell she was upset as they talked about everything that was happening and while they went over Hector 's death . Catherine said the autopsy report showed a massive heart attack . Alexander believed his death was related to a curse cast upon him . She told him she didn 't believe in curses , but she did believe that Hector was afraid . Alexander told her it didn 't matter ; Hector believed in curses . " If you believe magic can kill , then it can . " Catherine hesitated , afraid to bring it up and draw attention to it , but she had to know . " Alexander , that drawing on the wall of my apartment , the creature . . . " " The Beast , La Bete Noir , or Baca as he is sometimes called . . . a terrible demon that rends men apart and feasts on their flesh . " Catherine 's mind inadvertently crept towards the things she had seen Vincent do . " Why ? I mean the rest of it makes a certain kind of twisted sense , but why that drawing ? " " To make you afraid of it , Catherine , to show you the face of Baca , the demon that will destroy you . But then , if you don 't believe , then no harm can come to you , and there are much nicer things to believe in . " He reached for her hand to offer comfort . Catherine started feeling sick and Alexander offered to see her home . He dropped her off at her apartment , then continued on t * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Alexander walked into his home and locked the door behind him . Inside , an altar had been set up . Various items adorned the table , all relating to his belief in the occult . Catherine had acted like she didn 't believe in voodoo , but deep down she was vulnerable , especially to the beast that lived within her . His curse was starting to work . Fear was creeping in on her , and she was turning to him for help . His plan was working wonderfully . Alexander wondered why she questioned his belief and quickly defended them . " Hector Ocala saw Baca within her as well . He was afraid of her getting to close to him and lashed out . " " Well , she doesn 't seem to fear Baca . " Lindsey held up a container for him to see . " I wonder if she has a fear of other things . " Alexander peered inside and could see a huge spider inside of the container . He smiled and waved his arm , allowing Lindsey access to his altar . Together they chanted and Lindsey released the spider onto the picture of Catherine . They would continue their torture of Catherine through fear . That night , Catherine woke up from a dream to find spiders crawling all over her bed . She threw off the covers and jumped up in horror . She started knocking them off her bed with a pillow , and it wasn 't until they were gone that she realized there was nothing there . She must have had a bad dream . She leaned against her headboard and cried as she felt herself calming down . Vincent was reading a book when he felt her terror rush through the bond , then slowly subside . Because of the lateness of the hour , he assumed she 'd had a nightmare . His thoughts wandered . Twice today she has been in a state of absolute terror . What 's happening to her ? What 's going on in her mind ? I must have been dreaming ! she thought rationally . She reached for the covers of her bed and gently lifted them off the floor . No spiders lurked in them as she pulled them back to remake the bed . She climbed in and covered up , but could not get back to sleep . Catherine paced for three and a half hours . She thought of going Below to see Vincent . She even threw her coat on and headed to her door , then stopped as her fear consumed her . She hesitated , then took off her coat again . She began pacing again and continued to think of Vincent , but couldn 't make herself go to see him . Something was preventing her from seeking his help . She wondered why she suddenly distrusted him ; she wondered why she feared him . She paced until the light started to break , then she phoned Alexander , waking him from his sleep . " I 'm sorry . I 'm a wreck . I didn 't sleep at all last night . I made some tea . Let me get it . " Seeing that she 'd had a rough night , he told her to relax , that he would bring the tea to her . Hidden from her , he dumped some more powder into her teacup . She drank some of the tea , then Alexander massaged the tenseness from her shoulders . She relaxed enough and promptly fell asleep . Alexander waited until she was in a deep sleep . He took the cup from her and set it down out of the way . He took both of her hands in his and turned to her and quietly spoke . " Cathy , you must trust me and only me . I 'm your friend . I would never hurt you . You must turn to me whenever you are afraid . I will protect you . No one else is your friend . If you have someone you trust , know that they are trying to hurt you . They are trying to get rid of you . If you have someone you love , you must stop loving them . They will turn on you and hurt you . They are trying to take you away from me . Don 't trust them . Keep your shell with you at all times ; it will protect you until I can come to you again . Do you understand ? " Catherine 's head nodded imperceptibly , and he smiled . " When you wake , you 'll feel better . You 'll go into work , but you 'll still trust only me . Do you understand ? " Catherine nodded again , and Alexander got up . He reset the clocks in her apartment back twenty five minutes , then sat on the couch next to her and nonchalantly watched as she woke up . Catherine smiled and said she felt better . She led him to the door where he leaned in and kissed her . She responded to his touch . He left pleased with himself that she was under his control . Catherine went to work , exhausted from her lack of sleep . The hallucinations she 'd had were starting to take their toll . She went to Joe 's office and told him everything that had happened to her lately . He stared at her in disbelief . He was worried about her , and when he reached out for her , she backed away from him screaming in horror . In her mind , Joe 's hands were covered with blood and more blood was flowing from files on his desk . She couldn 't understand why he was pretending not to see it . She knew then that she could no longer trust him . She ran from his room and headed to the bathroom where he couldn 't follow her . She went to the basin in the ladies room and washed her face . She looked up into the mirror and saw her face etched with deep cuts . She knew it couldn 't be true , but her face was back to the way it looked after she had been attacked in the park . Joe had stared in shock as she ran from his room . He was really worried about her and didn 't know what to do . He called Edie while Catherine was in the bathroom . He knew that she and Catherine were friends , and he hoped she would be able to help convince her to go home and get some sleep . " Hey , Edie , it 's Joe . " " I 'm worried about her . Something 's not right . It 's hard to describe . Can you come up and see what I mean ? " Edie was concerned and stopped typing . " What 's she doing ? " " I don 't know ! She 's seeing stuff . Snakes in her car and spiders in her bed . I just assumed she 's been worried because of the break - in at her house . You know , just lack of sleep . But just now in my office she stared at my desk with . . . I don 't know something like . . . fear in her eyes , like she 's seeing something that 's not there . I stepped closer to her and she screamed at me and ran out of my office . " Knowing that the behavior was so unlike Catherine , Edie stood up . " You 're kidding me . Where 's she at now ? " " I 'll come right up . " Meanwhile , Catherine had come out of the bathroom and was standing at her desk . Edie came over and tried to talk to her . She noticed the strange behavior Joe was talking about and offered to take her home to get some rest . Joe said it was a good idea , and Catherine accused them of trying to get rid of her . Edie and Joe looked worriedly at one another . Catherine knew she must appear unstable , so she stopped fighting with them . She tried to gather her thoughts as they looked on . I need to get away from these people . I can 't trust any of them . I need Alexander . Why hasn 't he returned my call ? Where is he ? Catherine agreed to go home . In her haste to leave , she screamed in terror at a co - worker she bumped into . Embarrassed , she rushed from the room . Joe thought of her father then nodded . " I 'll try to get a hold of her dad , and then tonight on my way home , I 'll go check on her . After that … I just don 't know what more we can do … " Catherine saw the young girl 's fear . She decided the girl was probably only a freshman and she realized she must be terrifying the poor thing . " I 'm sorry . It 's important I see him . Do you have any idea where he is ? " Jenny furrowed her brow in concern . Catherine was never rude . She tried to make her friend laugh . " You never answered my question . . . who is Alexander ? " " Hey , Cathy ! What 's going on ? Are you mad at me ? I said I was sorry I missed lunch last week . I had to keep that doctor 's appointment . " Jenny couldn 't see Catherine , but she could tell in her voice that she had settled down . " I had a crazy dream about you and I called your work . They said you 'd already gone home . Are you okay ? " Catherine held the receiver out and looked at it suspiciously . Is Jenny the one doing this to me ? she wondered as she put the receiver back to her ear . " Cath , Are you there ? " Jenny laughed . " Yeah , remember that horror movie we saw when we were in college ? In the dream I had , you starred in that movie , and the gigantic spiders were coming to get you . . . " Jenny 's face fell as she heard the receiver slam down . She hung up , then redialed Catherine 's home . Catherine ran from her apartment and flinched as she heard her phone ringing again . She headed to the elevator . The doors opened and Catherine gasped at the dead people standing inside . Three of them were the men who had attacked her . She saw the wounds Vincent had inflicted on each of them . She saw the boys from the subway train who had been attacked by Jason Walker . Only this time , she believed it was Vincent who killed them . They motioned for her to join them , but she backed away and headed for the stairs . She ran to see Lindsey Gates at the magic shop . She hoped Lindsey could give her a charm to protect her from the demons that were after her . The shop was locked up and dark inside . Catherine was starting to get frantic at being left alone . It was late and she ran home to wait for Alexander 's call . Vincent sat in the library reading all the books he could on voodoo . Father had glanced at him curiously throughout the day . Finally , he could stand it no longer . " Vincent , is Catherine still having her imaginary problems ? " Vincent growled a warning and Father looked at him in surprise . " Father , I 'm telling you . Something is different in Catherine . It 's like a mist has rolled through her body and dulled her senses . She feels differently ; she thinks differently . And yet there are times when I feel she is crying out for help and struggling to make sense of all that is happening around her . " Vincent shrugged but a wave of terror swept through his body . Father watched as his son 's face paled and he gasped . " Vincent , what is it ? " Vincent shook his head . " Horror , fear , desperation . . . all these emotions are bombarding me . Father , it 's Catherine . Something horrible is going on . I must go to her . " Father stood and grabbed Vincent 's arm . " Vincent , if she is seeing things , play along with her . Don 't pretend they aren 't there . This will only anger her . Try to be patient and realize that she may say certain things to you she doesn 't mean . I can promise you it 's some type of an outside influence making her act this way . " Joe looked at her in surprise and stepped closer . " Yeah , Cathy , that 's right . It 's me , Joe . Are you okay ? " Joe 's eyes narrowed , but he only nodded . " You heading up now ? Are you home for the night ? " Catherine nodded , so Joe continued , " Want me to come up and see you get settled inside safely ? " " No ! " she answered . She didn 't know why , but the last thing she wanted was Joe in her apartment . Joe blanched at her angry refusal ; he thought they were friends . " Okay , I understand . Get some sleep , okay ? Why don 't you take tomorrow off too ? " Catherine nodded at him distrustfully , then went inside . She walked in and went straight for her mirror . She gasped when she looked at her face and saw that the slashes were still there . She heard a tap on her balcony window . Although her mind told her it was Vincent , she hesitated and tried to decide if she wanted to go to him . Alexander 's message of trust came to her again , and in fear she grabbed for her seashell . Holding it tightly for protection , she went out to see him . Deep down , a small part of her was relieved when she saw Vincent , and in her desperation to reach out to him , she screamed out , rubbing her hands on her face . " Look at me ! Look at what 's happened ! " Vincent was shocked at how hysterical she was . He couldn 't understand what images her mind was creating . He tried to reassure her . " It 's in your mind . It isn 't real . " She looked at him in disgust . For a second she had trusted him , yet he was ignoring the deep cuts on her face . Why was he trying to trick her ? " Of course it 's real ! " She looked at her hands and noticed , for the first time , huge boils covering them . She screamed in anguish , as she frantically rubbed at them . " Oh no ! Look at my hands ! " Vincent noticed her holding onto something tightly . He came forward and reached for it , anxious to see what it was . " What is that ? " Catherine snatched her hands away , protecting her shell . " No ! My shell ! " Vincent felt her lack of trust . He knew her mind had conjured up some frightening images . He hoped to break the trance she was in . " Let me see the shell . " Catherine 's delirium made him appear threatening , and she backed away from him . He was hurt by her action . She hadn 't bean afraid of him since the subway slasher , and he thought they were beyond that . He thought she trusted him completely . His mind told him it wasn 't really her fault . She couldn 't help seeing him as a threat , but his heart was breaking . Vincent pleaded , trying to come closer to her . " You must let me help you ! " Catherine mind finally came to a conclusion as she stared at him accusingly . " You 're doing this to me ! " Vincent was shocked . He backed up a step . " No ! I could never hurt you ! " Catherine shook her head , trying to get rid of the images she was seeing . " I don 't know you . " He appealed to her , " Catherine ! It 's Vincent ! " His thoughts raced . What is going on with her ? Why is she acting so strange ? What are these feelings flowing through the bond ? Why doesn 't she trust me ? " You 're one of their demons ! You are . . . you are … I saw your picture . . . in my room ! Stay away ! Don 't come any closer ! " Remembering Father 's advice , Vincent walked towards her as she backed away from him . He wanted to get to her , to comfort her , to try to reach the dark place in her mind where she was trapped . As she backed away yet again , he shouted , trying to reach her , " Catherine ! " Catherine had backed up to the wall . " Stay away ! Don 't come any closer ! " Fearing for her life , he bellowed loudly . " Catherine ! " She finally quieted , and , in deep anguish for what she was going through , he continued , " You 're my life ! Tell me what I can do ? " She looked at the shell and held it tightly in her hand , grateful that it had protected her . She saw how her words affected him and went for the attack . " Don 't you ever come back ! " Vincent had to get her to see reason . " I can 't do … " He tried to come closer . " I hate you ! " Catherine watched as he came to a sudden stop . Filled with the knowledge that she stopped the beast , she repeated her words . " I hate you ! " She rejoiced as he backed away yet again . " I hate you ! I HATE YOU ! " She said it one last time , knowing it was hurting him . She smiled that she had beaten down the beast . Her words were like a knife driven into his heart . He wondered how he would ever reach her again . He wondered how to help her . Could he leave her long enough to go to Narcissa ? He leaned back against the wall , hoping there was some part of Catherine still inside that would find comfort in his words . " Even in this terrible darkness , I 'm with you . I 'll never leave you . " She backed away from him and headed for the door . She looked at him with total distrust and hatred . " You stay away ! " Vincent watched as she ran back inside and picked up the telephone . She clutched the shell tightly in her hand . She didn 't seem to realize that he was still there , and he listened in on her conversation , hoping to hear who she was calling . He heard her as she begged the person on the other end of the line , " Alexander , please , help me . " Vincent wondered who Alexander was . Wasn 't that the name of the professor who was helping her ? The one she said she trusted ? Catherine listened as Alexander gave her directions , then asked her to repeat them . Vincent felt her go emotionless . He watched as she stared unseeingly and listened to her words . " Yes , Alexander , I 'm to prepare myself to meet Baca . Then I 'm to come to you . " Vincent heard her repeat an address as he left and ran to Narcissa . This was well beyond anything he had ever dealt with before , and he needed to know how to reach out to Catherine . * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Vincent ran through the tunnels at full speed , then raced into Narcissa 's chamber . Narcissa stared at the stones and shells in front of her . " You 're back . And your friend is in trouble ? " Vincent looked at her , still shocked that this woman seemed to know everything . " Yes , she is seeing things that aren 't there , terrifying things . She 's not acting at all like herself . The bond we share is … unfamiliar to me ; it 's changed somehow . . . " Narcissa shook her head ominously . " I have seen what your friend is going through … it is not good . " Narcissa reached a long nail into the bowl and moved a few of the shells . " It 's the powder . The powder takes away the soul . The Powder ! " Vincent frowned . " A drug ? " Narcissa continued to speak . " The shell opens the door . She clings to it , believes in it . She will die Vincent . She is already dead . " She shrugged with finality . Cold fear settled in Vincent 's stomach . This explained why Catherine clung to the shell . She thought it was protecting her . " I must go to her ! " Narcissa shook her head and warned him . " No , the evil one will take away your soul ! He has great power ! " Vincent was disgusted . " He preys on weakness . He has no power . " " You can destroy the shell Vincent , but unless the power in her mind is dead , he will still have control over her . The power must go , then the shell will be only a shell again . " Narcissa offered . Narcissa turned to her potions and shells . She poured into the big bowl , liquids from various vials . She stirred it with her long nail and sat unmoving . Slowly her body began to rock back and forth as she chanted in a low voice a protection spell for Catherine . She called to a greater power to give speed to Vincent . Catherine prepared herself to go to Alexander . She did everything he instructed her to do , then in a daze slowly made her way to his apartment . The cab driver kept looking into his rear view mirror , wondering if he should drop the drug addict in his back seat off at the next corner . If it wasn 't for her address , he would 've , but , as he glanced back , he wondered what a high - class chick was doing dressed like a prostitute . He realized she was not herself and at the red light turned around . The cab driver frowned and continued on his way , then let her out at Alexander 's address . Catherine gave him money , and , as she left , he shook his head disgustedly . " All the money in the world and she 's a druggie . Damn shame . " Alexander let her in . As Catherine walked inside she noticed the altar set up in the middle of the room . On it were various objects and pictures of William Coleman , Hector Ocala , and herself . Something in her mind registered the unusualness of this . She struggled to clear her mind . She tried to comprehend why she felt funny about seeing the things grouped together and knew something wasn 't right . Alexander was trying to force more liquid in her . She started to struggle with him as he led her forward . She fell to the ground and Alexander tied her hands behind her back . She continued to struggle , but she didn 't have the strength anymore and couldn 't fight him ; the confusion in her mind was too strong . She didn 't realize her fear was bringing Vincent to her . Alexander 's plan was to use Catherine to summon the demon Baca . He was going to sacrifice Catherine , and he began to cut away her clothing in preparation for Baca 's coming . Suddenly , Vincent crashed through the ceiling of Alexander 's apartment . In the process , a bowl was knocked over and the contents spilled . A knocked - over candle started a fire . Alexander looked at Vincent and dreamed his ritual was a success . Baca had come to him . He fearlessly approached Vincent and was struck down with a mighty blow . Vincent bent and untied Catherine 's hands . He lifted her now - unconscious form into his arms , then stood up and saw the altar . He kicked it over , spilling its contents . Alexander got up from the floor and saw Catherine in Vincent 's arms . He dreamed that Vincent as Baca had taken Catherine as the sacrifice and instilled him with his special powers . Thinking he was invincible , he walked into the wall of flame and his body caught on fire . It killed him , and the spell over Catherine was broken . Vincent carried Catherine out the back door of the building . Police sirens could be heard coming from every direction . He set her gently down on the grass , then leaned over her . " Be well , Catherine , " he whispered before he took off and vanished into the night . The neighbors had called the police . They arrived in time to capture Lindsey Gates . A few officers saw Vincent 's fleeing form , but the flames inside the building and the emergency of the situation stopped them from pursuing him . After running a few blocks , Vincent doubled back to try to see if Catherine was okay . Bill Hopkins , one of her friends on the force , found Catherine first . He took off his jacket , wrapped it around her , then zipped it up . He carried her to his police cruiser before he called into the station . " Dispatch , this is Hopkins . " Lindsey Gates was coughing from smoke as the police brought her from the burning building . She seemed to be aware of her surroundings as she looked over at Catherine , then up at Officer Hopkins " She 'll be okay . Give it twenty - four hours . " Bill nodded to her as Lindsey was taken in for questioning . Fireman raced inside and stopped the fire before it got any further than Ross 's apartment . The coroner was there , and a stretcher was wheeled out with the charred remains of Alexander . Joe was at a nearby restaurant with a date that was going badly when he got the call . He came onto the scene and saw Bill Hopkins . " Hey , Bill . I got a message to come down here . What 's up ? " Bill walked over and motioned for Joe to follow him . " Cathy Chandler 's down here . Something wild happened here tonight . She 's in my car , Joe . I think she 's on drugs . " Joe and Bill came up to the cruiser as Catherine was starting to stir . Joe squatted down in front of her to look into her eyes . " Hey , kiddo . . . it 's Joe . You okay ? " Hidden in the bushes , Vincent watched as two men approached Catherine . One bent down and hovered in front of her . Vincent could tell that the man cared . He saw his face and realized it was the same man he had seen in Catherine 's hospital room after she had been shot by Mitch Denton . He grimaced as Catherine lean forward and vomited all over the front of the man . Joe flew to his feet . " Auughh ! ! ! " Catherine fell back and passed out again . Bill went around to his trunk and took out some towels and a plastic bag . In his other hand was a sweatshirt . " Here , clean up and put your sweater in the bag . You can borrow my sweatshirt , but you 're on your own for pants . " Thanks . " Joe leaned forward and wiped the vomit off with the towel . He carefully pulled the sweater over his head and dumped it into the plastic bag . Luckily the bulk of Catherine 's stomach contents ended up on his shirt . There were only a few places on his pants and shoes . Joe wiped them off , and Bill handed him some wet naps to wash his hands with . Joe nodded gratefully . He cleaned up and , as he put the sweatshirt on , looked over at Bill . " You call an ambu . . . " Joe stopped as he could see that down the street an ambulance was slowly making its way through traffic . It stopped , and Bill walked over to guide the EMTs to his cruiser . Joe bent down again and reached for her hand . " Cathy , an ambulance is here . " Joe looked up . " Whatever it was , it wasn 't much ; she just vomited it all over me . You 're standing in some of it . Look , I 'm Joe Maxwell . I 'm the Assistant DA . This is one of my investigators . She may have been drugged . Take her in and get complete blood work done . I want to know what was slipped to her . " Joe got to the hospital only to find that Catherine was off getting tests done . When she came back , she looked more aware of her surroundings . " Joe , you 're here ? " Dr . Bertuccci 's eyebrows rose in surprise at Joe 's forcefulness . He looked over at Catherine who shrugged , then nodded her approval for him to speak freely . He looked down at his chart . " Well the complete blood work won 't be back until morning . None of the other tests we 've done on you have shown anything , so I think it will be okay for you to go home tonight . . . that is unless you feel like you would rather stay here . . . " A nurse came in with a bag that contained Catherine 's dress . " Miss Chandler , the dress used to be beautiful , but the buttons at some point were cut off . There 's no way for you to close it . I have some safety pins , but I don 't know if they 'll hold . " Catherine opened her bag and looked at the ruined dress . She thought about getting it fixed , but realized the damage was too extensive . With a sigh , she looked up . " I guess I can wear it home . " Joe left to get his car and pull it around the front . The nurse left to get the release papers while Catherine changed quickly . Thankfully the sweatshirt was way too big and hung down almost to her knees . Catherine rolled up the sleeves , then shuffled out the door . Joe walked up and chuckled at her . " You 're gorgeous , Radcliffe . " The doorman was surprised but relieved when he found out Catherine was okay . He helped Joe as he carried her up to her apartment . Catherine woke briefly as Joe laid her on her bed and covered her up , but then quickly fell back asleep . Joe smiled and shook his head . He sat for an hour , and when it began to turn light , he checked her pulse , then felt her head for any signs of a fever . Certain she was in a much needed deep sleep , he backed away . With a last glance around the apartment , he let himself out . Vincent walked home . He felt Catherine 's feelings starting to return to normal . He was relieved that she had people around her who cared , and he wouldn 't go to her until he felt her need . He shook his head at the frustration he felt upon seeing Joe taking care of her . He wished he could be in his shoes . He wished he could be the one in front of Catherine , helping her . He gasped at the ugly feelings he had running though his mind . He had those feelings once before , when Catherine was dating Elliot Burch . He wondered why he only felt affection from Catherine in regards to Joe . She and Joe were obviously close , and Catherine had trusted him to take care of her . Vincent walked through the entrance to the tunnels and made his way to the library . Father looked up in concern . " You 've been gone for awhile . Did you see Catherine ? " Vincent knew Father thought he had killed again . " No , I lashed out at him , but he was fine . He must have been on drugs too ; he thought he was invincible and walked through flames . He caught on fire and burned to death . " " I untied her and carried her from the building . She was delirious , and I tried to take care of her , but the police had been called and were close by . I had to leave . I barely got away . " " I doubled back and hid in the bushes . I saw her with her friend Joe and another police officer . An ambulance was pulling up . I watched as they took her away . " Vincent left and two hours later returned . Father was in bed reading . " Father , sorry to disturb you , but I wanted to let you know Catherine has been sent home . She 's all right ! " Father smiled . He knew his son could go to sleep now . " Good , Vincent . I 'm glad . Maybe now you can get some sleep . " Vincent shrugged . " I need to see that she 's well . " Father groaned . " And what if her friend Joe is still with her ? What then ? Are you planning on introducing yourself through the balcony doors ? " Vincent went to Catherine 's balcony and through the curtains watched her sleep . He smiled with relief when he saw that she was resting peacefully . An hour before dawn , he headed back Below . The next morning Catherine woke early with a splitting headache . The last thing she remembered was seeing her photo on a table at Alexander 's apartment and struggling . Thoughts went through her head and bits of images flashed in her mind . She thought she remembered Vincent being there , then a fire , and Joe , and a hospital . She sat up in bed and fought a wave of nausea . She needed to get to work and talk to Joe about Alexander . She stumbled to the medicine cabinet and took out the aspirin , then thought better of it . She took a quick shower and started to leave her apartment , but the phone rang . She wondered who would call this early and decided to go with her hunch . Jenny got really angry . " First you hang up on me , then you lie to me . If you don 't want to tell me what happened , don 't ! " Catherine rushed to defend herself . " I 'm serious , Jen . I 've even got the blood work being done to prove it . They think I was drugged by a voodoo priest who I thought was helping me in an investigation I was working on . " " You 're kidding ? " " I wish . That 's why I was acting so crazy yesterday . By the way , the night before I had a hallucination and thought I was being attacked by spiders . I think that 's why your dream freaked me out . How do you do it ? " She walked into her building and stopped by Edie 's desk on the way up . Edie smiled as she stood up and gave her a hug . " Hey , girlfriend . You 're feeling better ? " Catherine should have thought of Alexander , but instead her thoughts flew to her treatment of Vincent . She turned to leave . " Yeah , thanks for caring enough to try to help . " They giggled , and Catherine was still smiling when she walked into Joe 's office . " Hi , Joe . " " Hey , how you doing ? " Joe was happy to see her , then quickly feigned anger . " What are you doing here ? " Catherine smiled weakly . " I 've got a horrible headache , but it 's starting to pass . I came in because I need to tell you about Alexander Ross . I think he 's the one responsible for Hector Ocala 's death . " Joe motioned to his chair . " Cathy , sit down . " Knowing he had something to tell her , she sat . " What ? " " Alexander Ross is dead . He burned to death in the fire last night at his apartment . " Catherine 's brow furrowed in concentration as Joe continued . " Police found pictures of Ocala , Coleman and you … They also found some kind of powder . It 's some type of a hallucinogenic . We think he may have given it to Coleman and Ocala and … by the way you were acting yesterday , I would say to you too . " Catherine nodded . " I think you 're right , Joe . I said and did a lot of horrible things yesterday and I have some people to apologize to . " Joe interrupted her . " No way , Radcliffe . You 're not apologizing to me … I 'm just glad you 're okay . " " Thanks , Edie pretty much said the same thing earlier . And thanks for your help last night . " He nodded . " Yeah , well . If I had believed your story , maybe you wouldn 't have had to go this one alone . " Catherine nodded , then grimaced as she looked at him . " I hate to ask this , but did I vomit on you ? " Joe laughed . " Yeah , you did . But with three nieces and nephews I 'm used to it . " Catherine thought back and thought she remembered feeling Vincent 's arms around her . She wasn 't sure if it was real or a dream . She looked at Joe and shrugged . " No , I don 't remember anything before the back of the police car . " Later that day , Joe came to her desk and asked her if she was feeling better . He told her that Lindsey Gates told them all the names of Alexander Ross 's followers , and then she put herself in a poison coma . He told he was really proud of her for sticking with the investigation . Joe got up to leave and turned around . " I suppose you want a break before you start on the Hutterly case again . " Three hours later , she woke feeling much better and headed to the shower . She stood and let the warm water soothe her tired bones . If felt wonderful , and she waited until the water grew cold then hurried out , dried off and put a warm thick robe on over her lingerie set . She dried her hair and , instead of fussing with it , tied it up on her head . She wanted to get out to the balcony . She wanted to be out there waiting for him if he came . She sat waiting , praying he would come to her . She had so much to say to him . She wondered if he would forgive her . She had said some pretty horrible things to him . Things she would normally never say , never think , never feel . She knew she had hurt him badly with her distrust of him . She remembered actually backing away from him in fear . She remembered his face , the look in his eyes when she told him she hated him and to go away . Would he believe her when she told him she was drugged ? Would he know how horrible she felt about her behavior ? She looked at the shell in her hands . How could something so small and so beautiful hold that much power over someone 's mind ? Vincent was drawn by the turmoil Catherine was feeling and landed silently on the balcony . He watched her holding the shell . He was feeling every one of her feelings flowing through him : sorrow , shame , regret , and love . He bent to take the shell from her hands . Surprised and thankful he had come to her , she grabbed onto his wrist and rose to stand in front of him . She looked deep into his eyes and saw only love and acceptance . Wordlessly , he took the shell in his hand , and they watched as he crushed it to a powder . He threw the dust out behind him and never looked back . Catherine looked up at him again . She stared into his eyes as she moved forward and slowly put her arms around his waist , laying her head on his chest , her head fitting perfectly under his chin . He closed his arms around her and then closed his eyes , relishing the feel of her in his arms . They stayed that way for a long time . Vincent felt her trembling . HFilled with relief that he had come to her and realizing how lucky she was , she began to cry . In answer to his question , she shook her head and buried closer to him . He held her tightly for a while longer until she sniffled and he realized she was crying . He was shocked and couldn 't figure out why she was crying . He ran his hand caressingly up and down her back . " Catherine , please ! Tell me ! " Vincent tried to comfort her . " Shhhhh , Catherine anything you can say to me I already know . All of this is best forgotten . " She smiled at him , thankful he had forgiven her and grateful he was here with her . " Thank you . " She turned and looked out into the city . " I can 't describe how lost I felt without you . " " I was lost to myself . It seemed like I was … outside myself . I knew that my friends were near : Edie and Joe , Jenny . . . " She looked over at him . " . . . You . " Vincent hung his head , remembering the things she said . " Vincent , please believe me when I say that I don 't hate you . I love . . . that you 're a part of my life . I value what we have over anything else in my life . I don 't ever want to lose that . " He shrugged and turned back to look out at the city . " All the signs pointed to it . You were hallucinating , and the things you were feeling were horrific . I tried to read everything I could about voodoo , but it wasn 't enough . There is a woman Below who lives apart from us . She lives and moves within the spirit world . I went to her for advice . " " All of that is good , Vincent . But you knew , I mean really knew . . . even when I tried to shove you away , you knew I needed help . How ? " " You were calling out for it . Even when you didn 't trust me . Like on the balcony last night , I came to you and you reached out to me . I could feel it deep within you . You were lost and needed my help . " " And you were there for me . You carried me from the fire , didn 't you ? " He nodded and she continued . " Vincent , what really happened last night ? " He sighed and turned to her . " I overheard your phone conversation . I heard you repeat an address . When I got there you were tied up but struggling against the bonds . I came through a window and knocked Alexander out of the way . He fell back , and I untied you and lifted you up . A bowl of something spilled and its contents caught on fire . Alexander must have been drugged as well … he thought I had bestowed some type of power on him . He said he couldn 't be hurt by fire and walked right into the flames . " Catherine nodded . " And caught on fire , then burned to death . You saved my life , Vincent . " She saw that he looked down and wondered why he seemed . . . ashamed . " Vincent , what is it ? " " I . . . carried you outside . The police were so close . I wanted to bring you home , but I couldn 't risk being caught . I had to lay you down . . . " " I know . I only wish I could 've stayed and taken care of you . I doubled back and hid in the shadows . I saw a policeman take care of you , and later another man came and helped you . " Catherine nodded . " That was Joe . He 's my boss and a friend . He helped me out and brought me home . " She chuckled . " You should be glad it wasn 't you . I vomited on him . " He smiled shyly . " I saw . " Sure she had made a lovely picture , Catherine grimaced . " The hospital did blood work . I was , in fact , drugged , but I 'll be fine by tomorrow , and in a few weeks it will all be gone from my system . " He sat and watched as she sat down right next to him . She covered up with the blanket and made sure he was covered as well . " Catherine , do you have something you 'd like me to read to you . " He nodded and she sank down next to him . She lifted his arm and put it around her shoulders , then snuggled against him . Vincent quietly recited poems from memory , and it wasn 't long before Catherine fell asleep . He listened to the even pattern of her breathing and relished in the feeling that things were back to normal . THE END |
If you don 't like cats , then please , stop reading now and move on to the next blog . I 'm rather dotty about cats and always have been . They have always been good company . As a child , we had a dog , and then my brother brought home a really sickly little kitten who we called Sugar . She had a bad dose of cat flu , but survived and lived a long and happy life . Then my parents got Cleo , a little black and white cat with a penchant for biting my nose . . . . why she chose mine I really don 't know . I was working full time , and one of my staff said she was moving and had two cats who were going to be put down if there were no takers . Well that did it , and that very weekend saw the husband and I going to pick up Mr T and Duchess , both black cats . Mr T was a big cat , and when we met him he was dragging a Yorkshire Terrier , who had a hold of his back leg . I knew then he would be a lot of fun to have , and he was , climbed a tree , got stuck so had to be rescued by the husband , and threw his paws round his neck , first time he went out into his new garden , having kept him in for a while , he immediately ran to the bottom of the garden , and when I went to rescue him , he ran straight through the small garden pond - without sinking . . . . . Duchess , on the other hand , lived up to her name by treating T , as he was affectionately known , with disdain , and expected to be treated according to her rank , but she was a sweetie . My garden and house became a visiting hub for the neighbours cats , and they could often be found in the garden . Mr T sadly left us to early and that broke my heart , and Duchess , for all her disdain , really missed him . By this time , Amber and Biscuit had moved into the area , and were constant visitors . Biscuit disappeared , but Amber visited constantly , we were never sure if she was trying to get away from the two little girls she lived with or if she really liked us , but she could often be found curled up on a bed during the day . By this time , Duchess was getting old and crochety so was a little on the grumpy side , ( she was coming up to 18 ) but she would put up with Amber . In fact , I swear she handed over the care of the house and us to her one day as this doddery old cat walked out onto the back deck , walked up to Amber and had a long growly conversation with her , and then walked off . That week it was time for her to leave us , she was losing weight and was nearly unable to stand , so off to the vet we went . Amber would visit every day , waiting outside every morning for the back door to be opened , and in she 'd come . If the door wasn 't opened in a timely fashion , she would jump halfway up to the window - it was a stable door with a small window in the top half - and peer through the window . I never fed her , she knew where to find her real home , but I enjoyed her company . Then they moved taking Amber with them , so I was catless again . After a couple of years , Bobbin arrived . . . . via my neighbours . He had been found wandering outside the office where my neighbour worked , and taken in . A beautiful ginger and white cat . She took him home , and he promptly hid in some insulation and wouldn 't come out until the children had gone to school , and only then to eat . Well , it didn 't make him too popular , so I begged the husband to take him in , and within a few days he was carried over , and had a new home . He was a very polite cat , never pushy and the first night he was here , he learnt how to do stairs , so we figured he came from an apartment . There were no reports of a missing cat , so we thought maybe he 'd been abandoned . He had every luxury imaginable , and would burrow under the blankets every night and sleep . I used to worry that he would suffocate , but not a bit of it , he would snore away and in the morning there was the feeling that something was looking at me very intently . . . . . at 6 . 30am . I tried so hard not to open one eye , as I knew all was lost if I did . He was a beautiful cat as you can see , and then developed skin allergies , which resulted in him losing a lot of his fur , puffy eyes , and just generally very unhappy . He was an indoor cat and happy to be so , so off to the vet , and then referral to an animal dermatologist - I 've never said I was sane - and she eventually got him sorted out and then his fur grew back and he started looking like the beautiful cat we had but then he got sick and there were tumours etc . He was kept in for observation at the vets , and would only come home if he ate something . Animals are a lot more intelligent that we give them credit for , as he did eat , so he came home . He walked in and ate a little more , and then lay on a bed . It was sad to see him lie there and the vet rang every day to see how he was . Bobbin knew he was dying , but wanted to be home . Sadly , we had to take him in to have him put down . As we arrived at the vet , with Bobbin wrapped gently and in my arms , I had another growly conversation , I swear it 's their way of communicating that they love you and they want to tell you . My friend picked him up and stuffed him in her knitting bag as a tiny kitten from a farm that she was visiting . It 's ok , she knew the people whose farm it was , and there were plenty of barn cats running around . So Leo , as he was eventually named , comes home , and takes up residence with daughter no . 2 who is at university . By this time , they already had two cats of their own , Pong and Ping , and daughter no . 1 had a cat , Bliss , who is a real princess . She finishes uni , and I am then asked if he can board with me , as he causes havoc with Pong and Bliss . ( Ping got run over , a hazard living in the country ) , so , he moves in , but is free to come and go , and visits next door on a regular basis , coming home to sleep . She then goes off to college and I am now told that I can have him for another year , if that 's ok , as she can 't take him with her to her digs . My friend leans over and says that means he 's here permanently . So begins a new chapter in his life . He is a sweetheart , and all that fur can be quite troublesome , especially now as the velcro burs are beginning to appear , and as he picks up anything that 's going , it 's quite a problem . He came in this morning trailing a twig , so I have to try and catch him and remove it , no mean feat when it gets twisted in his fur . So brushes every day are a welcome relief for him . This past winter , Leo made a friend . I had seen a little black and white cat wandering around the garden , and eventually , it would start walking past the front of the house , and as the weather got colder , it took up residence next door , by the hot tub . He would then appear every morning at the back door waiting for Leo to go outside after his breakfast and they would trot off together . The weather got colder , and I started to feed him once a day , so he would appear at 5 in the afternoon , ready to eat , and boy , could he eat . The snow got deeper , so it was a question of feeding him to survive as I wasn 't sure what he was eating , and I think he was now living in our car port . Leo would go out and sit in the car port , he 's not fond of walking in snow or rain and Patch , as I called him , would wander off for the day . One afternoon , there was a real blizzard , and all I could think about was this poor little cat being out somewhere in it . So I donned snow pants , coat , boots and hat , and went out calling him . I don 't know if you have ever been out in heavy snow when everything is silent , it really is very beautiful , there was no traffic and not much wind although the snow was blowing , and I 'm calling for Patch . I thought he was next door , up a tree , and several other places as I could hear him answer every time I called I just couldn 't find him , when all of a sudden , I saw this little cat struggling through thick snow and from completely the opposite direction . I scooped him up , brushing the snow off the top of his head , and put him inside my coat and brought him in to warm up a little . The husband said he 's not staying and I could have an outdoor cat and that was it , " no . " The temperature hit - 41C one night . Leo was thrilled . He chirruped when he saw him , and so Patch was put into a bathroom with litter tray , food and a hastily made bed . Never have I seen a cat so happy , he ate voraciously , snuggled in his bed and used the litter tray . The next morning , I fed them both as it was obvious to me , and also to the husband by this time , that he was not going to be thrown out into the cold again . Leo was beside himself with delight at having a friend in the house and was happy to show him the ropes . They both trotted outside after breakfast , and when Leo came back , Patch came too . They settled into a happy relationship of play fighting , chasing each other and enjoying each others company , although I have yet to see them curl up beside one another . Patch has never tried to take over , waiting to be offered the high seat on the cat post , and Leo taught him to play with toys , as he had no idea what to do when a ball rolled towards him . Patch was very much the hunter . As we have no clue as to his background , one can only imagine what you have to do to survive . He ate anything and everything which I will not detail . And so it was that we settled into " family " life . So all was well with the world . Just before I left for England , Patch wasn 't well , couldn 't put my finger on it , but said to the husband , if he 's not better by Monday , take him to the vet . The grand Pooh Bah of the quilt festival and I were going to the Festival of quilts in Birmingham , so we were dropped at the airport , had a good flight , when it eventually took off , delayed due to a bad storm , and landed in Heathrow . Logged on to the free wifi , as you do , to find an email form the husband saying he had spent the night at the emergency vet in London as Patch was very sick . It would appear that he got home to find that he was having trouble breathing and couldn 't stand upright without falling over , and his head tilted to one side . So he rushed him into London . I called home . The husband then saw our own vet , and Patch was treated for Toxoplasmosis , and given a course of antibiotics for 28 days twice a day . You can imagine how popular I was , as I was away for 18 of those 28 days . So the neighbours helped through that time . Once he finished , back to the vet . She said we will probably never know what caused it , but very likely he ate some animal which had the parasite and it then infected him , so although he is bright and very alert , his head is still tilted to one side , and he does have the occasional wobble and will now forever be an indoor cat . He has adapted well and makes no attempt to go out . We were not sure how his vision would be and if he took off after something , whether he could find his way home again . The house is filled with toys as we have to keep him active , and I keep a strict eye on his diet as he is not running around so much . . . . and then discarded all but two of them . It 's strange that you can work on something , hold the fabrics near , but when you start thinking about cutting them up and using them , they really are not going to work . I kept the fabric in the front which is sort of diamond patterned and the dyed blue velvet on top of it . They do stand out and are quite lush against the background . . . here 's where I am so far . I am appliquéing the pieces on , and will darken down the tea dyed cotton piece as it does look a little bright , although I have to say that it is a lot softer in reality . The squares are cushions and I have just put a piece of batting behind each one to give it a little more depth . My next task is to work out the base of the ottoman they are on before stitching them all down , at the moment , it is all looking a little flat , and I think I will have to do a little manipulation to make it work . To me , it just happens and I never really give it much thought , if people ask how I did something , I have to think hard , as I really couldn 't tell you , I just do it . I posted a photo of this piece of ice dyed fabric the other day . I love it a lot the colours just sang , even the husband was moved to open a window and yell out , " gorgeous colours ! ! " I reclaimed a pillowcase that was no longer in use , but has a bit of a sateen feel to it , cut it up into two pieces and threw it into the pot after having soaked it in soda ash solution , covered with ice and sprinkled with dye . Hey Presto ! ! I cut one piece up to make a border as it hadn 't dyed the same way as the other piece . So , a few days were spent thinking " now I 've done that , what do I do next ? " The thing is , its what the fabric told me to do , I even managed to keep a little back to use for binding - if I decide to go that way . Frankly , I feel hemmed ( pardon the pun ) , in with binding , and like the work to flow over the edges so we will see . The husband has been good enough to print off several acetates for me of my trip . So far , I have done a couple of pieces on Jaffa , but have to return as I found another one the other day I 'd like to do , and I am starting on Jerusalem . Probably years of work there , I 've done two pieces , and this would be the third . If you look at the image , you will see what this is , and I rather like the slightly quirky futuristic look of it . I had almost totally painted the last piece I did and wanted to move away from that so now the fun starts ! I have laid down a couple of pieces onto the main body after having sketched the area I wanted free hand to make it larger . Well , that proved disappointing ! ! I thought I had more to offer , but it is what it is . So for your delight and delectation , I offer two photos and I will try and post others . I just like to keep some of the work a surprise , once I 've entered it for shows , that 's a different matter , I 'll plaster it every where . It 's been a while . To be honest , I felt drained when I 'd finished writing about my trip , and I needed the break . Festival was also coming up , and we were busy doing trunk shows and getting the interest going . I would love to say that it is easy and that we really don 't need to do it , but it is absolutely imperative that we do . I cannot imagine not doing this now , and really enjoy it although it would be nice to have a break . Now , having said that , I will step back in 2017 but for that year only . 2018 is going to be . . . . . . . . . Well , I 'm not telling , but it is exciting and I am going to focus entirely on that . Latvia is under control and Elina and I have really enjoyed our correspondence , in fact I will be seeing her in a couple of weeks as Cathy and I will be going to the Festival of Quilts in Birmingham , UK . She is a delight , and I look forward to spending some time with her , I will be taking a workshop with Elina that she will be teaching at Festival next year which I am looking forward to . It 's more traditional with a bit of a twist , so if you happen to be at a trunk show , I will bring it so you can see my sorry effort . Festival went well , and ever since then I have been in my studio and working hard . I am so pleased with what I 've done so far , I would post photos , but I am hoping to enter them into shows and don 't really want them plastered all over the Internet . I 'll see if there might be one that won 't make the grade , and post that . I thought I 'd do quilts of my trip in order , so far I 've done Jaffa but need to go back , as I have other pieces to do , and started Jerusalem , of which there will be several , and I am enthused . I am also going to be working on a piece for a SAQA exhibit which is also exciting , but I don 't have the right fabric yet , I want something that will look a little ghostly and overlay a piece of handyed fabric . I think I thought I had some silk organza but only have black and I need white . It 's been a joy to shut myself away although I am having trouble leaving the house as I feel a little unsuPosted by Shoshi dropped me off at Airport City where Linda was waiting for us , and we made plans to meet that night for dinner . I climb into Linda 's car , and I think we talked the entire way there as if we had known each other for ever . We had a wonderful journey entering Jerusalem through the Jerusalem Forest , a great contrast between the pines and the white stone . We were going to Ein Kerem . It was in a house on this site that John the Baptist was born to Elizabeth . We walked up a small alley lined with shops and entered the courtyard of the church which was an oasis of calm . Before we went into the church itself , we studied the walls outside which had a prayer in every language , Hebrew , English , Arabic , Thai , Latin , South Korean , the Baltic languages , you name it and it was on the wall in tile . It was a very beautiful prayer and looked lovely in so many different languages , there were several tour groups so Linda and I went into the church , it was very quiet and there was a monk silently praying in one of the pews . The church is decorated in blue and white tiles and is very lovely . Some people came in behind us talking loudly and were quickly shushed - not that they took any notice . We spent quite a time looking here and then we left and started to explore the town . We walked a little further up the hill and came across a lovely gallery , they had an exhibition of some beautiful work and again we spent some time looking at it all . I was almost very tempted to buy a piece , but had to think about my luggage , but there was a small piece . . . . . . . . . . . oh well , I didn 't get it but never mind . Linda has a huge interest in art and artists , so I enjoyed being with her and discussing the subject . I am sure she will be horrified to see I included this photo of her but it is more for the sculpture she is looking at . The town is very old , and it was lovely to wander the backstreets and see some lovely houses tucked away , and a Boutique hotel . We also visited a lovely Monastery or Convent where you could actually stay on retreat . The church there was very modern and there was a group who were going to hold a service so we stayed and joined it for a little while . The gardens were very beautiful and we spent some time looking around them and the surrounding countryside . We then thought we should have lunch and found a lovely restaurant , and although it was very sunny , it was quite chilly in the shade as there was quite a breeze . We were going to walk up to the Russian church after lunch , but they were re - laying the roadway to it , and it would have been a bit of a sticky walk . I think it will wait for the next trip as will a tour of all the artists studios . We decided that we would head back to Linda 's apartment in Modi ' in , and rest until we met up with Shoshi . It was a lovely relaxed day . We went to a lovely Kosher restaurant , Caffit , and had a lovely meal , a selection of small dishes with Bulgarian bread . It was a very busy place and lots of families came in to eat . I looked across the room and saw a young Jewish family who were having a meal , father , mother and a little girl . The father had a bohemian look in the way he was dressed but had very long ringlets . . . . and an Uzi slung over his shoulder . I am guessing he was from a settlement on the West Bank . It was a late night , but finally it was done . The next morning Shoshi drove me to the airport and came through Security with me , this is just one check before you even get to the check - in desk , then once you get through that , your luggage is checked . If they see something odd , you are then sent to a line and have to wait to have your luggage searched . I waited patiently and then was called forward , put my suitcase on the table , and opened it for yet another lovely young man . He was looking at a screen and knew exactly where to go inside my case to pull out what had caused them to send me into this line , so , out came a jar of olive oil and a jar of olives and my Ahava body wash and lotion . I am pleased to say that once I could say who gave me the olives and oil I was allowed to repack them in my luggage and pass on to check in . I would have been disappointed to have had those confiscated as they were very much enjoyed , the olives went quickly once I got home as the husband loves them , and I am eking out the oil . I also got to put my body care back too . I checked in with out any trouble and actually got a window seat , so Shoshi and I went off and had a coffee . Once she left me , I went through security at the departure entrance and made my way to Duty Free . I was looking for one particular store , Michal Negrin . I found it , as it happened to be on the way to my gate , and I had a little time to look around , again , I was shopping for a gift and found a beautiful belt which has been very much appreciated . I went to my gate and it wasn 't too long before we were boarding . I made myself comfy and settled in for the 12 hour flight home , making a mental note that I would upgrade - no , not business , but there is a level in between - for a little more room on the next journey , I don 't mind on a transatlantic , but a long haul like that needs a little more comfort . I cannot stress what a wonderful experience this was . As I sit here finishing this , I am teary all over again . Up until now , you have heard what is basically , my travelogue . But , what did I think of Israel , it 's people and the many places I visited ? I really should give you my five cents worth . Arabs and Jews living side by side and working together , as Bella told me , when we visited Salman and Hassan in Buq ' ata , they had both worked in the quarry for her husband and held them in very high regard , its why they are such good friends . Walking through many different parts of Jerusalem and seeing so many different facets to that amazing city - and I have barely scratched the surface of it - but I have seen more than a normal tourist would do . All the different Jews , Hassidic , Lithuanian , Habbad , so much to learn there , all the different nuances in a very complex city . Arabs selling Christian artifacts , they have to make a living . Driving through the West Bank , trying to understand the borders , going to the mall , theatre or cinema and having your bag searched and passing through security . Seeing children on a kibbutz school with an armed guard while they play . I heard about Israel and Palestine , I am not going to repeat it as there were many private conversations except to say the gist of all of them is that they all want peace , things don 't have to be this way . Will I go back ? Try and stop me , it is too important to make it just one trip , all the people I met , the new friends I made , how could I not want to go ? I have too much to learn . . . . . . . . . . . . . Clara called to say she was almost with us , and Yemima and I went down to meet her , me clutching my little bag , and we then loaded it into the back of Clara 's car . As I cam out of the door she said as it looked as if I as making aliyah ! Well , maybe I should . . . . . . . . . and after saying my goodbyes to Yemima , we left . Clara told me that as we were heading for Be ' ersheva , she wanted to take me to a museum on the way down . We were heading south again and the countryside was desert with some greenery . We were heading to the Joe Alon Centre . This houses the museum of Bedouin Culture . Joe was a very interesting man , he was sent to England at the outbreak of WWII and when he returned to Czechoslovakia , he found his parents had been victims of the Holocaust . He enlisted into the Israeli airforce while in Czechoslovakia and progressed from there . He was Air Attache in Washington DC , and was murdered a month before he was due to end his term of office in 1973 . We moved outside and there was a Bedouin tent set up . As you can see they are not particularly small . The Bedouin life is a nomadic one , and they would move around the desert . There are several Bedouin tribes in the Sinai and the Negev . The tents are very interesting as they are made of goat hair which repels water so is completely waterproof . The area in the photograph would be for entertaining . The other side of the striped fabric would be where the women baked and cooked and brought up the children and is known as the " Shigg " . There was a lady baking bread which was typical of their culture and she invited us to break some off and eat , it was lovely , still hot and was flat and thin unlike Pita bread which is small and puffy . But first , we had time to go to Lakia . This is a town which has been built to house the Bedouin , so there are not to many that now travel around the desert . Our first stop was at the Desert Weaving to see the beautiful cushion covers , bags and rugs that are made there , they were lovely but my goodness , they were heavy . We were allowed to wander around to the back of the building and see the weaving area although the weaver was not in attendance . There were bales of undyed wool and you can see how rough and coarse it is . There were also some beautifully embroidered dresses for sale and it was lovely to go through them and see the handwork . It was time to go and we were now heading off to the Desert Embroidery project . This was very interesting as it is a not for profit organization which provides employment for women . The embroidery was and still is a very important part of the Bedouin culture , it was essentially used to decorate dresses , but the colours of the threads have special significance as to the age of the woman and her marital status . As the women are now more settled and not contributing as much , the project aims to help them by providing them with an income for their work and she earns regardless of sales . Apparently they employ 160 women on the project . It is also important to keep the tradition alive . I had a wonderful time looking a all the beautiful work , and bought some to take home as gifts , and had been the lucky recipient of some as well . It is also helping women by providing education classes for literacy , a mobile library , and a kindergarten . We left here and then had to find our way to Be ' ersheva . I never thought I would see camels wandering freely in the middle of a town , so Clara stopped and let me out of the car so I could photograph these . I was trying not to be too conspicuous , but people were staring at me . Clara put Be ' ersheva into the gps and off we went . We headed down this road towards the mosque and the gps was talking to us , so we were stopping our conversation to listen to it . We got to the junction at the end of the road which was opposite the mosque and went smola ( left ) . We followed the road when all of a sudden it totally disappeared and we found ourselves driving across the desert . . . . . . . . . . . . Well . . we just carried on . There was no road , maybe just a tire track to follow , but the gps was telling us to carry on , it was not easy , the " road " was rutted and at times it was difficult to see the track . Our trusty gps kept telling us to keep to the right hand track , ( yes , but where is it ? ) , and at one point told us to take the right hand fork . That was a tricky one as there was a left , a sort of right and a definite right which headed straight into a Bedouin village of tents , one of the official unofficial villages as they call them . We stopped and took the sort of right . Now , there are not too many cars in these villages , and you see lots of people walking , but on this occasion we were the only car out there . We must have driven across the desert for about fifteen minutes when all of a sudden , we can see the main highway . We had been laughing so hard that tears were running down as we couldn 't believe that the gps would take us on this route , but I guess it knew it was there . We popped on to the road and it wasn 't too long before we were in Be ' ersheva . We met up with Nina and Ziva and had a lovely lunch and then went back to Nina 's home where she had laid out a wonderful array of her quilts to show me It wasn 't long until we were all in the same car and heading off to the Negev University in Be ' ersheva as this is where Linda 's exhibition was going to be , but prior to that we were going to hear a presentation that she was going to be giving . We found our way to the building and passed lots of university students , both Arab and Jew . We opened the door to the lecture room , which announced our arrival by creaking as loudly as possible and there was Linda giving her lecture with slides in Hebrew . We found a couple of chairs at the back and Clara told me what was being discussed . When the lecture ended , there were lots of questions and someone asked Linda if she had shown her work outside Israel ( this was all in Hebrew , but Clara told me afterwards ) , to which Linda answered and mentioned my name and Canada . You have never seen so many heads swivel in my direction , I just waved . When it was over , we all made our way into another building of the university where Linda 's exhibition had been hung . Oh my . . . . . . . . . . her work is amazing and I have to confess that I took photos - but then so was everybody else . It was wonderful to just wander through and see her beautiful work , and I turned a corner . . . . . . . . and there was the camel quilt , " Blind Date " . I couldn 't quite believe it , and have to admit that I did stand there and cry , it was just lovely to see it again . Linda very kindly posed with it for me , but I think it 's a little fuzzy sorry , and also very kindly signed the catalogues for this show , I told her how honoured we were to have had her work in Canada and thanked her again , on her part she told me how impressed she had been with the way we had handled her work , we left firm friends . I also me up with Yemima and Chaim again as they were there and also Eynia , it was lovely to see them . |
Posted on October 15 , 2015 by neshephahking Reply Luke 13 : " 10And he was teaching in one of the synagogues on the sabbath . 11And , behold , there was a woman which had a spirit of infirmity eighteen years , and was bowed together , and could in no wise lift up herself . 12And when Jesus saw her , he called her to him , and said unto her , Woman , thou art loosed from thine infirmity . 13And he laid his hands on her : and immediately she was made straight , and glorified God . " This scripture hit me because it is timeless . There are so many ways that life can bend us , tear us down , break us apart . What we do to ourselves is bad enough , but to have to carry the garbage that other people throw on us , we have to have strong backs , or we will bend . The scripture doesn 't give an age of the woman . As I thought about the amount of time , " eighteen years " , I thought something : What if she was only 23 years old ? What if some man in her community or family touched her inappropriately , at the age of five ? What if she grew up shunned , an outcast ? Bent from the age of five years old ? Emotionally , bent . According to the time and customs , she could have married at 12 or 13 , and is now 30 years old . She 's been abused by her husband , beat up and beat down , his words hitting her like slaps in the face , and fists pounding her . No one to save her , and no one to turn to , suppose she 's ridiculed by the other women and disrespected by her own sons ? She bends . Or , what if she 's in her forties , and the weight of what she experienced as a child , and young woman has taken its toll on her and just slowly bent her . It 's something that has been progressing for many years . Maybe her husband died , her kids have left her , and she is alone , lonely . Her life has not been a happy one , and she 's tired . She 's given into the bend . But something else struck me as well . What if , she has raised her own kids , now she is raising the next generations . Her sons and daughters were out in the world , not taking responsibility for the lives they 've created , dropping them off for days which turned into weeks , months and years . This older woman raised her grandchildren , who in turn repeated the patterns of their parents . Now , this old woman is raising her great - grandchildren . She bent under too much pressure . Maybe she has health issues , or financial issues , and they 've just weighed her down , bent her forward . She 's bitter , angry , she has nothing nice or pleasant to say to anyone , or about anyone . Maybe she 's afraid to try new things , she 's been the way she is for so long , that she sees nothing new for herself . So many different things can pile on us , weigh us down , keep us unmotivated to stand . Verse 11 says : she … " was bowed together , and could in no wise lift up herself " , meaning she couldn 't straighten up on her own . I looked at pictures of bows and arrows . The bows were not all the same , some were small , large , curved in an arc , some had two or three curves , some were bent with a point . There were so many different kinds of bows , just as there are so many different kinds of bowed women . Being bowed is not just relative to a certain class or breed , creed or color . Rich women kill themselves , just as poor ones do . The woman who seems to have everything is envious of the woman who seems to have nothing . The woman who is dressed like a million bucks , sometimes has no money in her Prada bag . A bowed spirit can bend anyone . This bent woman goes to hear Jesus speak . It 's crowded , nobody 's paying attention to her . She 's not even worthy of a name , so they don 't speak to her . She 's the " bent over woman " . She can only see feet , no one bothers to bend down to see her face , children are probably mean to her . She 's in the way , and she knows it . So she makes her way to the back of the crowd . She just wants to hear Jesus . But in the crowd , in the midst , she stands out . Jesus sees her , and calls her to Him . It would have been so much easier if He had walked to her , but He makes this overlooked woman , the star of the show . Now everybody sees her , they have to make an opening for her . She has to make her way through the crowd to the One who called her . The One who chose her . The One she came to see , wants to see her . When everyone else turned their backs ; mocked her ; laughed at her ; didn 't want to look at her ; couldn 't be bothered with her , Jesus called her ! So ! While looking at the pictures , I noticed that there was no way to straighten any of the bows , you will actually break it if you tried to straighten it , because it 's not willing to give of itself , it 's not yielding to change , it 's not pliable . If bows are to be made straight , they have to be broken down , reformed , reshaped , rebuilt . Jesus just wants us to come to Him , to trust Him , to lean into Him . He just wants a chance to rebuild us , reform us , reshape us . To love us . He said , in John 10 : 10 " The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy ; I came that they may have life , and have it abundantly . " He wants us to stand and shake it off ! Glorify God . " 15The Lord then answered him , and said , Thou hypocrite , doth not each one of you on the sabbath loose his ox or his ass from the stall , and lead him away to watering ? " In other words , " don 't you take your ox and your donkey to get water ? Aren 't you doing some type of work on the Sabbath ? " 16And ought not this woman , being a daughter of Abraham , whom Satan hath bound , lo , these eighteen years , be loosed from this bond on the sabbath day ? " Jesus is saying that Satan has had a hold on this woman for 18 years , if your ox can drink water on the Sabbath , why can 't she be healed ? And he calls her a daughter of Abraham , meaning that because of her faith , she is entitled to receive the promise of the Spirit . So I say to you , Daughter of Abraham , one entitled to the promise . You have a right to be loosed from your chains . You have a right to stand . You have a right to be joyful . You have a right to love . There are young women watching you , let them see you stand in the glory of God . Yes , there will be scars , circumstances , and disappointments , but you are healed ! Our God is mighty to save ! There is nothing too hard for Him , give it to him . Stand up ! If Jesus conquered the grave , what more can He do in your life ? Posted on March 24 , 2015 by neshephahking 1 During a recent message , my pastor told the church that in order to start healing , we had to go back to the origin of the pain . I thought my point of origin was when my mother left my brothers and I , and moved to Washington , DC . I thought that was when I was abandoned ; but that 's not true . I tried to feel the angst that should have come with the thought , but it wasn 't there . Instead I found the real hurt of abandonment happened with my mother right there in the house with me . One summer evening , when I was about 7 or 8 , my brothers and I were outside playing with the children of one of my mother 's friends . Somehow I fell , and cut my knee pretty badly ; it required 9 stitches . I still have the scar . When it came time to have the stitches removed , I was fine , until , the nurse picked up the surgical scissors ; she held them in her grip as though she meant to stab , not cut . The fear in my life was unspeakable . I refused to allow the procedure to take place . I fought with everything in me not to be stabbed by this deranged looking nurse . My uncle was a college football player , and he was called in the room to lie across my chest , in an effort to keep me still . I remember lifting him up off of me . I believe I had the strength of someone on PCP . When it was all over , the nurse was a sweaty pulp , my uncle was out of breath , and I was very angry . When we went through the waiting room , little children were crying , being held by their mothers , their mothers looked afraid , as well . My mother , my uncle , nor I spoke of what we had just experienced . When we got home , I remember asking my mother for some juice . She didn 't respond . I didn 't understand her not responding , so I repeated the request , a couple of times . My mother did not speak to me for two weeks . She spoke to my cousin , who lived with us ; and she spoke to my brothers . My mother did not speak to me . That was my first encounter with rejection , abandonment and fear . I was a little girl who lived in the house with a mother who did not speak to her , ignored . I feel pain all over again , right now . As the years went by , the feeling of rejection and abandonment would be all too familiar . I was a kid , I was messing up all the time , no matter how hard I tried not to . Many times , I didn 't mess up , I was just contrary to my mother 's way of thinking . We were never on the same page , so anything opposing her was a reason to be shut out of her world . As I grew , I would walk on eggshells , trying not to say the wrong thing , not to do the wrong thing , nothing that would cause my mother to go silent and ignore me . No longer was it just a couple of weeks , it had moved into a couple of months . When I became pregnant with my oldest child , I told her through a letter , because she was not speaking to me . At 20 years old , I chose to go to the Superfest in Pasadena , to see Stevie Wonder , and not church . After my mother threatened to have me institutionalized for defying her , she shut down . That was through spring , in the summer I informed her that I was pregnant and she would not make me have another abortion ( she took charge of my life and I had one , the previous year ) , if she wanted me to leave , I would . She spoke to me through written commands , finally using her vocal chords when she decided to give me a baby shower . Throughout my marriage , there were many , many hard days . One reason , because I was being physically abused by my husband . Another , was because I was abandoned by mother . Physically abused by him and emotionally abused by them both . I had no friends , nothing . I was trying to survive in hell with two small children . It was no wonder I had not lost my mind . But thank God I didn 't ! As my children grew ( I now had three ) , I didn 't know how to protect them from my mother 's anger . I never learned to protect myself . Because our household was different ; there was nothing my kids could do to make me ignore them ; they didn 't understand why I didn 't protect them , and my girls suffered worse than my son . Yet , my mother had no respect of person , so whenever she wasn 't speaking to my kids , she wouldn 't speak to me . When she wasn 't speaking to me , she wouldn 't speak to my kids . As my girls became mothers , they learned to stand on their own , and protect not only their children , but their nieces and nephews , as well . They tried to protect me , but I would not let them , in some sick way trying to not have them incur wrath on my behalf . They learned to speak up for everyone , and I cheered them on , but I did not know how to speak for myself . Whenever I would venture to protect my grandchildren , it became " you and your kids … " and she would shut out all 3 generations . Since anything could set her off , at any given time , I learned to exist on fragile ground . When my mother told me she was moving in with me , I had been completely alone and loving it for only 2 years . All three of my children were married , living in their own homes , raising their own children and tragedy struck me . I didn 't know how to say " no " to my mother , and she had never learned to ask permission for anything . So years later , my mother is still living in my home . During the past 6 years , there have been many instances of her abandonment . Although now , I no longer try to get her to speak to me ; I have learned to go on my merry way . Yet the pain , although not acknowledged , still existed . I learned that the fear of abandonment , had worked its way into my friendships with women and relationships with men . I couldn 't understand what it was about me that others found it so easy to dismiss me . Why would they make plans with me , and then not follow through ? Why was I not worthy of a phone call , or an explanation ? Why did I remember their birthdays , yet mine was so easily forgotten ? I wanted so badly to be wanted , that I allowed myself to be used and ignored by people that I really didn 't want to be with . I just didn 't want them to reject me ! As I explore this cavern , I understand the origin . I have gone back to the source of the pain . I have forgiven the behavior of a frightened little girl . I have given her the juice that she requested , so many years ago . I have held her in my arms , and told her that I am so sorry , that she was scared , but she was never alone . I have taken that little girl and placed her in the open arms of Jesus . He cradles her with love and whispers in her ear . She belongs to Him , He will always protect her . No one will ever again lie across her chest and try to pin her down . It 's all over . I am not rejected , I am chosen . I am not abandoned ; but in the midst of angels encampeth around me . I have never been the cause of my mother 's pain ; I don 't know the source of her anger . I am good with that knowledge . There are holes in my past that will never be filled ; things I will never know or understand . I don 't know how much time I have left with my mother ; either of us can go any day . But if I am the one left standing , I want to remember my mother in happy way . Good morning , Heartache , pack your bags ! Good bye Fear , hello Faith ! There are things that I cannot change , but God is a God of evolution , and through Him , I am evolving into a bigger , better , stronger , chosen woman . Posted on May 28 , 2014 by neshephahking 2 As a little girl , I didn 't fall too much . I didn 't have scrapes and minor cuts , those things that caused me to sing " I am stuck on band - aid brand , cause band - aid 's stuck on me . " Although I loved to sing the commercial , I had little use of the product . I do remember when the " ouchless " band - aid was revealed to the world . You know the kind , the adhesive doesn 't stick to the hair on your skin , so removal is easier , and the band - aid doesn 't have to be ripped off . Well , I have wounds , but the band - aid isn 't needed for the skin . It 's needed for the heart . The brand name I chose was " Neshephah " ( Nay - shay - fah ) . I had a friend , Nate , who studied the Hebrew language . He told me the name " Dawn " translated in Hebrew is " Nesheph " , meaning " dawning of the day " , or " morning twilight " . " Nesheph " is a masculine name , adding " ah " at the end makes it feminine . Hence , " Neshephah " . Nate would call me by this name , and I would use his Hebrew name . At the time , I was dating a bass player who looked amazingly like the actor Tommy Ford , or " Tommy Strong " on the TV show , " Martin " . This working bass player was too broke to have a free email account , so I allowed him to have one of my AOL email accounts . Well , he proceeded to date other women by hooking up through my AOL account . He was also over 35 , had no car , and still lived at home with his mother . This was the kind of man I attracted over and over again . I continued to give of myself , to compromise myself , to allow myself to be taken advantage of over and over again . How many times can the same thing happen before one questions their part in it ? One evening I sat at my computer and wrote something , I don 't remember what . I signed it " Neshephah " . I thought that would be a cool pseudonym for my writings . Then , I thought that it would be a cool name for me . In May of 2001 , at the same time of breaking it off with the bass player , Neshephah was born . The first thing I did was tell my children to no longer introduce me as their mother , " Dawn " , but their mother " Neshephah " . I did the same for my friends and church family . I would start a job as " Dawn " , but be introduced as " Neshephah " on the first day . It worked out well , there were those who asked if using " Dawn " was okay ; and there were those who had a hard time remembering my new name . I was particularly tickled when the older members of my church would use my new name . It made me love them , just that much more . The only person who made fun of my name was my mother . I was " Nefertiti " , " Aphrodite " , " Nefertility " and the like . One summer my aunt visited from Atlanta . All three of her children had changed their names and she referred to them by the new name . I asked her if it was hard to do that , because I had a hard time with my own mother . She looked shocked and said , " Absolutely not ! It 's a matter of respect ! " My turn to be shocked . Why did I have to demand respect ? Why did I find it so hard to demand respect ? Now " Neshephah " needed a personality . She could not be like " Dawn " . She would not be a victim of abandonment , molestation , spousal abuse , or low self - esteem . She would stand at her full 5 ' 7 ″ , which has diminished to 5 ' 6 ″ . She would wear her hair differently . She would dress differently . She would speak of herself differently . She would think of herself differently . This would all take some work , but I set about it . It absolutely helped that my daughter was and is an A - 1 hairstylist , so that was first thing I tried . I went into natural hairstyles , and my friends would comment : " That looks like a ' Neshephah ' ! " I sought brighter colors in clothing , and stopped wearing colored contacts . I opted for interesting shapes in sun glasses . All the things outwardly that I wouldn 't allow myself to do before , I did . Inwardly , I took the time to tell myself how beautiful I actually am . I didn 't say it in passing . I would stand in the mirror and say something like , " wow , you are beautiful . " I would mean it from the inside to the outside . This helped me to stop looking for validation from others . Most of the time , it didn 't come anyway , and half of the time , it wasn 't sincere . I took a big leap of faith , and quit my job . I stopped driving an hour and half to work and 2 to 3 hours home from work . I increased my annual pay over $ 10 , 000 in less than 6 months . I started dating someone that I really cared about , but this time , I let him show me first . Steve Harvey hadn 't written his book telling women that a man should " profess , provide and protect " , but I knew these were important factors for me . I had never required them as " Dawn " , but as " Neshephah " it was a requirement . This guy didn 't have much , but it felt like he gave me everything he had . Then it was over , no muss , no fuss . He decided to move back to Chicago . I knew then that he didn 't give me everything . So I shut it down . Clink - Clink ! That was February of 2004 . I told God that I didn 't want it anymore , no more dates , no more heartache , heartbreak , nothing . If he wasn 't my husband , don 't let him come near me . I wanted to focus on being a grandmother ; I wanted to live single without worry of whom I date or if I married ; I wanted more of God . God should have always been my first priority , but He wasn 't . During the past ten years , I have learned so much about God and myself . I can 't say how many times I 've been laid off , yet never evicted . Had no money , but never hungry . Couldn 't walk , but never fell down . Endured horrible pain and agony , but never lost my smile . According to my doctor , I should not be able to walk on my treadmill , but I run on it ( when I use it ) . I am left with chronic nerve damage in my leg , but I don 't limp . I have greater knowledge of God 's Word and know first - hand how He loves me . I have a testimony that I can 't keep to myself . I awake daily with a song of praise rolling around in my head . So here we are , and it 's May again . Thirteen years have passed . My pastor delivered a message in his " Wounded Healers " series , it was entitled " Replacing My Labels " . I thought what perfect timing , because God has been dealing with me about " Neshephah " . I was starting to feel uncomfortable being called that name . I told one of my friends that I felt like Dawn and Neshephah were becoming one . When pastor called for those to come to the altar , those who were ready to drop the labels that they were carrying , I was one of the first to go . As I stood there praying , I doubled over and a knot formed in my stomach , I tried to stand but was hit with a powerful knot in my back which caused me to bend , again . I came out of my prayer concerned that I couldn 't move . Then I heard it , " Neshephah , no more . " See , sometimes God has to immobilize us so we can clearly hear Him . I began to cry because I truly felt emptied . No more guilt of what I had done , or hadn 't done based on someone else 's opinion or label of me . Not a victim of anything , but a victor over everything ! I have been feeling Dawn getting stronger . This band - aid " Neshephah " , is starting to irritate me , because the wound is healing . It 's not even a wound anymore , just a little sore . It needs some air , it needs some sun , it 's ready to become a part of the body and not an isolated spot that needs nursing . It 's time to rip off the band - aid . Posted on December 1 , 2013 by neshephahking Reply When I was 19 , I became pregnant . I was working , but I was not in school , my boyfriend had been given a General Discharge from the Navy about 4 months before . We were best friends from high school , and were both living at home with our parents . We sat at the dining room table with my mother ; and we told her the situation . My mother told me that she was not going to take care of another person , and that I would be getting an abortion . She proceeded to tell me to find a clinic and set the appointment for that week . I didn 't blink , question , or debate . My mother told me what to do , I was under her household and under her rule . My opinion was not sought , there were no questions about plans . Abortion was the plan . Her tone of voice was as if I had been told to go the backyard and get my switch . It better not be so old that it would break during the whipping , and it couldn 't be so new that it was too limp to whip through the air . I knew that I had better do what I 'd been told , or risk my mother withdrawing from me . I had experienced that too many times in my life , and I didn 't know if I could stand that , again . My appointment was for Saturday of that same week , at 8 : 00 a . m . My mother dropped me off in front of the clinic and went to park . I had to cross the picket line of those in favor of life . I didn 't think about the life I was about to kill , my baby had become something that my mother didn 't want , and I was there because of that . My boyfriend was forbidden to know anything about when or where the abortion would take place , but I told him , anyway . I also told him that he was not allowed to come , please don 't come . He came through the door , before my mother had parked the car ; and was sitting next to me holding my hand , when she came through the door . I was terrified , of my mother 's anger . I didn 't know what she would say , or what she would do . She said nothing , but the waiting room was full of her anger . My name was called to speak with a counselor , before the procedure . Did I want to put the baby up for adoption ? No . Did I want to have an abortion ? No . I saw her check my paperwork for my age . She looked at me and asked why I was getting an abortion . I told her it was because my mother told me to . She opened her mouth to speak , then closed it . I still wonder what she wanted to say , but I believe it was something personal . I 'm sure her job had forbidden the staff to speak on a personal level , or give any opinions . I was surprised that my boyfriend was allowed in the car on the way home . He was dropped off at his house , and we never , ever spoke of that incident . No one spoke of it . That next year , my son was born . Two months after his birth , his father and I married . One week after we were married , he hit me for the first time . I endured a horrible life with him for three years . During the time of the molestation revelation ( spoken of in an earlier blog ) , I also relived the abortion . I had swept it under the rug . I wanted so badly to leave my mother 's home , that I jumped out out of the frying pan , and into the middle of the fire . I wondered if it was a boy or a girl , and I found myself mentally celebrating a birthday late in January . A couple of years ago , my grandson spoke a powerful message to our church . He was all of eight years old . I felt the weight of guilt drop from my shoulders , as I watched and listened to him speak . I told myself that the abortion had to take place , so that he could come forth . I thought there had to be a sacrificial lamb , so that his father could be born . I knew that the circumstances surrounding my son 's conception could never happen again . He had to be born when he was , to be the age he was to meet my daughter - in - law in high school . All the stars had to be aligned as they were in order to get to the point in time for my grandson to stand on that Sunday morning . This afternoon , a very good friend and I were in conversation about the affects of abortion . Basically , I told her that I was over my abortion , because I realized why it had to be done . She hit me hard : " How do you know that your son would not have been born , just as he is ? We are not God . " Man ! Again , I am in my cavern , digging into unexplored pain . Isaiah 55 : 8 says , " ' My thoughts are not your thoughts , neither are your ways my ways , saith the Lord . ' " ( kjv ) and 2nd Peter 3 : 8 says , " ' But , beloved , be not ignorant of this one thing , that one day is with the Lord as a thousand years , and a thousand years as one day . ' " ( kjv ) When did I become the Creator ? When did I become in charge of time , or timing ? I am a lowly creature , reaching out to the Creator for forgiveness . I murdered a living being . I am seeking forgiveness anew . I told myself that the abortion was my mother 's fault , and I was obeying her . I am now forgiving myself for the act which led to a child out of wedlock , and aborting my baby . My children 's father is no longer living ; I cannot seek his forgiveness . I never asked him how he felt , I never asked him if he wanted to keep the baby . I never discussed anything with him . I blindly did what I was told . He was never consulted or considered . Worse yet , I never even thought of it until this afternoon ! Almost 32 years later ! I can 't help but think that he had unresolved anger towards me , which played a big part in his violence towards me . He and my mother never got along , and I often saw myself as a guest on Jerry Springer 's show ; just sitting quietly in the middle , while my mother and husband fought around me . Stuck between a rock and a hard place , he beating me with his fists , she beating me with her words , and taking away her love . |
Posted on October 15 , 2015 by neshephahking Reply Luke 13 : " 10And he was teaching in one of the synagogues on the sabbath . 11And , behold , there was a woman which had a spirit of infirmity eighteen years , and was bowed together , and could in no wise lift up herself . 12And when Jesus saw her , he called her to him , and said unto her , Woman , thou art loosed from thine infirmity . 13And he laid his hands on her : and immediately she was made straight , and glorified God . " This scripture hit me because it is timeless . There are so many ways that life can bend us , tear us down , break us apart . What we do to ourselves is bad enough , but to have to carry the garbage that other people throw on us , we have to have strong backs , or we will bend . The scripture doesn 't give an age of the woman . As I thought about the amount of time , " eighteen years " , I thought something : What if she was only 23 years old ? What if some man in her community or family touched her inappropriately , at the age of five ? What if she grew up shunned , an outcast ? Bent from the age of five years old ? Emotionally , bent . According to the time and customs , she could have married at 12 or 13 , and is now 30 years old . She 's been abused by her husband , beat up and beat down , his words hitting her like slaps in the face , and fists pounding her . No one to save her , and no one to turn to , suppose she 's ridiculed by the other women and disrespected by her own sons ? She bends . Or , what if she 's in her forties , and the weight of what she experienced as a child , and young woman has taken its toll on her and just slowly bent her . It 's something that has been progressing for many years . Maybe her husband died , her kids have left her , and she is alone , lonely . Her life has not been a happy one , and she 's tired . She 's given into the bend . But something else struck me as well . What if , she has raised her own kids , now she is raising the next generations . Her sons and daughters were out in the world , not taking responsibility for the lives they 've created , dropping them off for days which turned into weeks , months and years . This older woman raised her grandchildren , who in turn repeated the patterns of their parents . Now , this old woman is raising her great - grandchildren . She bent under too much pressure . Maybe she has health issues , or financial issues , and they 've just weighed her down , bent her forward . She 's bitter , angry , she has nothing nice or pleasant to say to anyone , or about anyone . Maybe she 's afraid to try new things , she 's been the way she is for so long , that she sees nothing new for herself . So many different things can pile on us , weigh us down , keep us unmotivated to stand . Verse 11 says : she … " was bowed together , and could in no wise lift up herself " , meaning she couldn 't straighten up on her own . I looked at pictures of bows and arrows . The bows were not all the same , some were small , large , curved in an arc , some had two or three curves , some were bent with a point . There were so many different kinds of bows , just as there are so many different kinds of bowed women . Being bowed is not just relative to a certain class or breed , creed or color . Rich women kill themselves , just as poor ones do . The woman who seems to have everything is envious of the woman who seems to have nothing . The woman who is dressed like a million bucks , sometimes has no money in her Prada bag . A bowed spirit can bend anyone . This bent woman goes to hear Jesus speak . It 's crowded , nobody 's paying attention to her . She 's not even worthy of a name , so they don 't speak to her . She 's the " bent over woman " . She can only see feet , no one bothers to bend down to see her face , children are probably mean to her . She 's in the way , and she knows it . So she makes her way to the back of the crowd . She just wants to hear Jesus . But in the crowd , in the midst , she stands out . Jesus sees her , and calls her to Him . It would have been so much easier if He had walked to her , but He makes this overlooked woman , the star of the show . Now everybody sees her , they have to make an opening for her . She has to make her way through the crowd to the One who called her . The One who chose her . The One she came to see , wants to see her . When everyone else turned their backs ; mocked her ; laughed at her ; didn 't want to look at her ; couldn 't be bothered with her , Jesus called her ! So ! While looking at the pictures , I noticed that there was no way to straighten any of the bows , you will actually break it if you tried to straighten it , because it 's not willing to give of itself , it 's not yielding to change , it 's not pliable . If bows are to be made straight , they have to be broken down , reformed , reshaped , rebuilt . Jesus just wants us to come to Him , to trust Him , to lean into Him . He just wants a chance to rebuild us , reform us , reshape us . To love us . He said , in John 10 : 10 " The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy ; I came that they may have life , and have it abundantly . " He wants us to stand and shake it off ! Glorify God . " 15The Lord then answered him , and said , Thou hypocrite , doth not each one of you on the sabbath loose his ox or his ass from the stall , and lead him away to watering ? " In other words , " don 't you take your ox and your donkey to get water ? Aren 't you doing some type of work on the Sabbath ? " 16And ought not this woman , being a daughter of Abraham , whom Satan hath bound , lo , these eighteen years , be loosed from this bond on the sabbath day ? " Jesus is saying that Satan has had a hold on this woman for 18 years , if your ox can drink water on the Sabbath , why can 't she be healed ? And he calls her a daughter of Abraham , meaning that because of her faith , she is entitled to receive the promise of the Spirit . So I say to you , Daughter of Abraham , one entitled to the promise . You have a right to be loosed from your chains . You have a right to stand . You have a right to be joyful . You have a right to love . There are young women watching you , let them see you stand in the glory of God . Yes , there will be scars , circumstances , and disappointments , but you are healed ! Our God is mighty to save ! There is nothing too hard for Him , give it to him . Stand up ! If Jesus conquered the grave , what more can He do in your life ? Posted on March 24 , 2015 by neshephahking 1 During a recent message , my pastor told the church that in order to start healing , we had to go back to the origin of the pain . I thought my point of origin was when my mother left my brothers and I , and moved to Washington , DC . I thought that was when I was abandoned ; but that 's not true . I tried to feel the angst that should have come with the thought , but it wasn 't there . Instead I found the real hurt of abandonment happened with my mother right there in the house with me . One summer evening , when I was about 7 or 8 , my brothers and I were outside playing with the children of one of my mother 's friends . Somehow I fell , and cut my knee pretty badly ; it required 9 stitches . I still have the scar . When it came time to have the stitches removed , I was fine , until , the nurse picked up the surgical scissors ; she held them in her grip as though she meant to stab , not cut . The fear in my life was unspeakable . I refused to allow the procedure to take place . I fought with everything in me not to be stabbed by this deranged looking nurse . My uncle was a college football player , and he was called in the room to lie across my chest , in an effort to keep me still . I remember lifting him up off of me . I believe I had the strength of someone on PCP . When it was all over , the nurse was a sweaty pulp , my uncle was out of breath , and I was very angry . When we went through the waiting room , little children were crying , being held by their mothers , their mothers looked afraid , as well . My mother , my uncle , nor I spoke of what we had just experienced . When we got home , I remember asking my mother for some juice . She didn 't respond . I didn 't understand her not responding , so I repeated the request , a couple of times . My mother did not speak to me for two weeks . She spoke to my cousin , who lived with us ; and she spoke to my brothers . My mother did not speak to me . That was my first encounter with rejection , abandonment and fear . I was a little girl who lived in the house with a mother who did not speak to her , ignored . I feel pain all over again , right now . As the years went by , the feeling of rejection and abandonment would be all too familiar . I was a kid , I was messing up all the time , no matter how hard I tried not to . Many times , I didn 't mess up , I was just contrary to my mother 's way of thinking . We were never on the same page , so anything opposing her was a reason to be shut out of her world . As I grew , I would walk on eggshells , trying not to say the wrong thing , not to do the wrong thing , nothing that would cause my mother to go silent and ignore me . No longer was it just a couple of weeks , it had moved into a couple of months . When I became pregnant with my oldest child , I told her through a letter , because she was not speaking to me . At 20 years old , I chose to go to the Superfest in Pasadena , to see Stevie Wonder , and not church . After my mother threatened to have me institutionalized for defying her , she shut down . That was through spring , in the summer I informed her that I was pregnant and she would not make me have another abortion ( she took charge of my life and I had one , the previous year ) , if she wanted me to leave , I would . She spoke to me through written commands , finally using her vocal chords when she decided to give me a baby shower . Throughout my marriage , there were many , many hard days . One reason , because I was being physically abused by my husband . Another , was because I was abandoned by mother . Physically abused by him and emotionally abused by them both . I had no friends , nothing . I was trying to survive in hell with two small children . It was no wonder I had not lost my mind . But thank God I didn 't ! As my children grew ( I now had three ) , I didn 't know how to protect them from my mother 's anger . I never learned to protect myself . Because our household was different ; there was nothing my kids could do to make me ignore them ; they didn 't understand why I didn 't protect them , and my girls suffered worse than my son . Yet , my mother had no respect of person , so whenever she wasn 't speaking to my kids , she wouldn 't speak to me . When she wasn 't speaking to me , she wouldn 't speak to my kids . As my girls became mothers , they learned to stand on their own , and protect not only their children , but their nieces and nephews , as well . They tried to protect me , but I would not let them , in some sick way trying to not have them incur wrath on my behalf . They learned to speak up for everyone , and I cheered them on , but I did not know how to speak for myself . Whenever I would venture to protect my grandchildren , it became " you and your kids … " and she would shut out all 3 generations . Since anything could set her off , at any given time , I learned to exist on fragile ground . When my mother told me she was moving in with me , I had been completely alone and loving it for only 2 years . All three of my children were married , living in their own homes , raising their own children and tragedy struck me . I didn 't know how to say " no " to my mother , and she had never learned to ask permission for anything . So years later , my mother is still living in my home . During the past 6 years , there have been many instances of her abandonment . Although now , I no longer try to get her to speak to me ; I have learned to go on my merry way . Yet the pain , although not acknowledged , still existed . I learned that the fear of abandonment , had worked its way into my friendships with women and relationships with men . I couldn 't understand what it was about me that others found it so easy to dismiss me . Why would they make plans with me , and then not follow through ? Why was I not worthy of a phone call , or an explanation ? Why did I remember their birthdays , yet mine was so easily forgotten ? I wanted so badly to be wanted , that I allowed myself to be used and ignored by people that I really didn 't want to be with . I just didn 't want them to reject me ! As I explore this cavern , I understand the origin . I have gone back to the source of the pain . I have forgiven the behavior of a frightened little girl . I have given her the juice that she requested , so many years ago . I have held her in my arms , and told her that I am so sorry , that she was scared , but she was never alone . I have taken that little girl and placed her in the open arms of Jesus . He cradles her with love and whispers in her ear . She belongs to Him , He will always protect her . No one will ever again lie across her chest and try to pin her down . It 's all over . I am not rejected , I am chosen . I am not abandoned ; but in the midst of angels encampeth around me . I have never been the cause of my mother 's pain ; I don 't know the source of her anger . I am good with that knowledge . There are holes in my past that will never be filled ; things I will never know or understand . I don 't know how much time I have left with my mother ; either of us can go any day . But if I am the one left standing , I want to remember my mother in happy way . Good morning , Heartache , pack your bags ! Good bye Fear , hello Faith ! There are things that I cannot change , but God is a God of evolution , and through Him , I am evolving into a bigger , better , stronger , chosen woman . Posted on May 28 , 2014 by neshephahking 2 As a little girl , I didn 't fall too much . I didn 't have scrapes and minor cuts , those things that caused me to sing " I am stuck on band - aid brand , cause band - aid 's stuck on me . " Although I loved to sing the commercial , I had little use of the product . I do remember when the " ouchless " band - aid was revealed to the world . You know the kind , the adhesive doesn 't stick to the hair on your skin , so removal is easier , and the band - aid doesn 't have to be ripped off . Well , I have wounds , but the band - aid isn 't needed for the skin . It 's needed for the heart . The brand name I chose was " Neshephah " ( Nay - shay - fah ) . I had a friend , Nate , who studied the Hebrew language . He told me the name " Dawn " translated in Hebrew is " Nesheph " , meaning " dawning of the day " , or " morning twilight " . " Nesheph " is a masculine name , adding " ah " at the end makes it feminine . Hence , " Neshephah " . Nate would call me by this name , and I would use his Hebrew name . At the time , I was dating a bass player who looked amazingly like the actor Tommy Ford , or " Tommy Strong " on the TV show , " Martin " . This working bass player was too broke to have a free email account , so I allowed him to have one of my AOL email accounts . Well , he proceeded to date other women by hooking up through my AOL account . He was also over 35 , had no car , and still lived at home with his mother . This was the kind of man I attracted over and over again . I continued to give of myself , to compromise myself , to allow myself to be taken advantage of over and over again . How many times can the same thing happen before one questions their part in it ? One evening I sat at my computer and wrote something , I don 't remember what . I signed it " Neshephah " . I thought that would be a cool pseudonym for my writings . Then , I thought that it would be a cool name for me . In May of 2001 , at the same time of breaking it off with the bass player , Neshephah was born . The first thing I did was tell my children to no longer introduce me as their mother , " Dawn " , but their mother " Neshephah " . I did the same for my friends and church family . I would start a job as " Dawn " , but be introduced as " Neshephah " on the first day . It worked out well , there were those who asked if using " Dawn " was okay ; and there were those who had a hard time remembering my new name . I was particularly tickled when the older members of my church would use my new name . It made me love them , just that much more . The only person who made fun of my name was my mother . I was " Nefertiti " , " Aphrodite " , " Nefertility " and the like . One summer my aunt visited from Atlanta . All three of her children had changed their names and she referred to them by the new name . I asked her if it was hard to do that , because I had a hard time with my own mother . She looked shocked and said , " Absolutely not ! It 's a matter of respect ! " My turn to be shocked . Why did I have to demand respect ? Why did I find it so hard to demand respect ? Now " Neshephah " needed a personality . She could not be like " Dawn " . She would not be a victim of abandonment , molestation , spousal abuse , or low self - esteem . She would stand at her full 5 ' 7 ″ , which has diminished to 5 ' 6 ″ . She would wear her hair differently . She would dress differently . She would speak of herself differently . She would think of herself differently . This would all take some work , but I set about it . It absolutely helped that my daughter was and is an A - 1 hairstylist , so that was first thing I tried . I went into natural hairstyles , and my friends would comment : " That looks like a ' Neshephah ' ! " I sought brighter colors in clothing , and stopped wearing colored contacts . I opted for interesting shapes in sun glasses . All the things outwardly that I wouldn 't allow myself to do before , I did . Inwardly , I took the time to tell myself how beautiful I actually am . I didn 't say it in passing . I would stand in the mirror and say something like , " wow , you are beautiful . " I would mean it from the inside to the outside . This helped me to stop looking for validation from others . Most of the time , it didn 't come anyway , and half of the time , it wasn 't sincere . I took a big leap of faith , and quit my job . I stopped driving an hour and half to work and 2 to 3 hours home from work . I increased my annual pay over $ 10 , 000 in less than 6 months . I started dating someone that I really cared about , but this time , I let him show me first . Steve Harvey hadn 't written his book telling women that a man should " profess , provide and protect " , but I knew these were important factors for me . I had never required them as " Dawn " , but as " Neshephah " it was a requirement . This guy didn 't have much , but it felt like he gave me everything he had . Then it was over , no muss , no fuss . He decided to move back to Chicago . I knew then that he didn 't give me everything . So I shut it down . Clink - Clink ! That was February of 2004 . I told God that I didn 't want it anymore , no more dates , no more heartache , heartbreak , nothing . If he wasn 't my husband , don 't let him come near me . I wanted to focus on being a grandmother ; I wanted to live single without worry of whom I date or if I married ; I wanted more of God . God should have always been my first priority , but He wasn 't . During the past ten years , I have learned so much about God and myself . I can 't say how many times I 've been laid off , yet never evicted . Had no money , but never hungry . Couldn 't walk , but never fell down . Endured horrible pain and agony , but never lost my smile . According to my doctor , I should not be able to walk on my treadmill , but I run on it ( when I use it ) . I am left with chronic nerve damage in my leg , but I don 't limp . I have greater knowledge of God 's Word and know first - hand how He loves me . I have a testimony that I can 't keep to myself . I awake daily with a song of praise rolling around in my head . So here we are , and it 's May again . Thirteen years have passed . My pastor delivered a message in his " Wounded Healers " series , it was entitled " Replacing My Labels " . I thought what perfect timing , because God has been dealing with me about " Neshephah " . I was starting to feel uncomfortable being called that name . I told one of my friends that I felt like Dawn and Neshephah were becoming one . When pastor called for those to come to the altar , those who were ready to drop the labels that they were carrying , I was one of the first to go . As I stood there praying , I doubled over and a knot formed in my stomach , I tried to stand but was hit with a powerful knot in my back which caused me to bend , again . I came out of my prayer concerned that I couldn 't move . Then I heard it , " Neshephah , no more . " See , sometimes God has to immobilize us so we can clearly hear Him . I began to cry because I truly felt emptied . No more guilt of what I had done , or hadn 't done based on someone else 's opinion or label of me . Not a victim of anything , but a victor over everything ! I have been feeling Dawn getting stronger . This band - aid " Neshephah " , is starting to irritate me , because the wound is healing . It 's not even a wound anymore , just a little sore . It needs some air , it needs some sun , it 's ready to become a part of the body and not an isolated spot that needs nursing . It 's time to rip off the band - aid . Posted on December 1 , 2013 by neshephahking Reply When I was 19 , I became pregnant . I was working , but I was not in school , my boyfriend had been given a General Discharge from the Navy about 4 months before . We were best friends from high school , and were both living at home with our parents . We sat at the dining room table with my mother ; and we told her the situation . My mother told me that she was not going to take care of another person , and that I would be getting an abortion . She proceeded to tell me to find a clinic and set the appointment for that week . I didn 't blink , question , or debate . My mother told me what to do , I was under her household and under her rule . My opinion was not sought , there were no questions about plans . Abortion was the plan . Her tone of voice was as if I had been told to go the backyard and get my switch . It better not be so old that it would break during the whipping , and it couldn 't be so new that it was too limp to whip through the air . I knew that I had better do what I 'd been told , or risk my mother withdrawing from me . I had experienced that too many times in my life , and I didn 't know if I could stand that , again . My appointment was for Saturday of that same week , at 8 : 00 a . m . My mother dropped me off in front of the clinic and went to park . I had to cross the picket line of those in favor of life . I didn 't think about the life I was about to kill , my baby had become something that my mother didn 't want , and I was there because of that . My boyfriend was forbidden to know anything about when or where the abortion would take place , but I told him , anyway . I also told him that he was not allowed to come , please don 't come . He came through the door , before my mother had parked the car ; and was sitting next to me holding my hand , when she came through the door . I was terrified , of my mother 's anger . I didn 't know what she would say , or what she would do . She said nothing , but the waiting room was full of her anger . My name was called to speak with a counselor , before the procedure . Did I want to put the baby up for adoption ? No . Did I want to have an abortion ? No . I saw her check my paperwork for my age . She looked at me and asked why I was getting an abortion . I told her it was because my mother told me to . She opened her mouth to speak , then closed it . I still wonder what she wanted to say , but I believe it was something personal . I 'm sure her job had forbidden the staff to speak on a personal level , or give any opinions . I was surprised that my boyfriend was allowed in the car on the way home . He was dropped off at his house , and we never , ever spoke of that incident . No one spoke of it . That next year , my son was born . Two months after his birth , his father and I married . One week after we were married , he hit me for the first time . I endured a horrible life with him for three years . During the time of the molestation revelation ( spoken of in an earlier blog ) , I also relived the abortion . I had swept it under the rug . I wanted so badly to leave my mother 's home , that I jumped out out of the frying pan , and into the middle of the fire . I wondered if it was a boy or a girl , and I found myself mentally celebrating a birthday late in January . A couple of years ago , my grandson spoke a powerful message to our church . He was all of eight years old . I felt the weight of guilt drop from my shoulders , as I watched and listened to him speak . I told myself that the abortion had to take place , so that he could come forth . I thought there had to be a sacrificial lamb , so that his father could be born . I knew that the circumstances surrounding my son 's conception could never happen again . He had to be born when he was , to be the age he was to meet my daughter - in - law in high school . All the stars had to be aligned as they were in order to get to the point in time for my grandson to stand on that Sunday morning . This afternoon , a very good friend and I were in conversation about the affects of abortion . Basically , I told her that I was over my abortion , because I realized why it had to be done . She hit me hard : " How do you know that your son would not have been born , just as he is ? We are not God . " Man ! Again , I am in my cavern , digging into unexplored pain . Isaiah 55 : 8 says , " ' My thoughts are not your thoughts , neither are your ways my ways , saith the Lord . ' " ( kjv ) and 2nd Peter 3 : 8 says , " ' But , beloved , be not ignorant of this one thing , that one day is with the Lord as a thousand years , and a thousand years as one day . ' " ( kjv ) When did I become the Creator ? When did I become in charge of time , or timing ? I am a lowly creature , reaching out to the Creator for forgiveness . I murdered a living being . I am seeking forgiveness anew . I told myself that the abortion was my mother 's fault , and I was obeying her . I am now forgiving myself for the act which led to a child out of wedlock , and aborting my baby . My children 's father is no longer living ; I cannot seek his forgiveness . I never asked him how he felt , I never asked him if he wanted to keep the baby . I never discussed anything with him . I blindly did what I was told . He was never consulted or considered . Worse yet , I never even thought of it until this afternoon ! Almost 32 years later ! I can 't help but think that he had unresolved anger towards me , which played a big part in his violence towards me . He and my mother never got along , and I often saw myself as a guest on Jerry Springer 's show ; just sitting quietly in the middle , while my mother and husband fought around me . Stuck between a rock and a hard place , he beating me with his fists , she beating me with her words , and taking away her love . |
" Okay , let 's hang the balloons up there , Ethan , " I ordered before turning to my mom , " and the cake can go in the kitchen for now . " We spent the morning preparing for the baby shower , since Julia was due in three weeks . I smoothed my skirt and pulled Julia into the nursery , " Hey , are you doing alright ? You 've been pretty quiet today . " I nodded , " Okay , but feel free to put your feet up on the bed if you need to . " She started to walk away until I held her hand . I smiled , and tried not to get teary as I put my hand on her belly , " I just want to say thank you for this precious gift . I promise to take great care of it . However , after the baby is born , if you change your mind about raising it , I will do nothing but support you , alright ? " She held my hand , before nodding tearily . I led her to the bed and helped her put her feet up . I went back to decorating for a little bit until Julia started whimpering in her sleep . I rushed over to her , careful not to wake her and felt her stomach … . it was hard as a rock . I kept my hand steady on the curve of her belly until the tension relaxed . I kept my hand steady on her stomach while I grabbed my phone . I changed it to the timer and started the timer until her stomach grew hard again . Once again , she began whimpering , so I gently shook her shoulder . Julia cried out in pain , and I put an arm on her shoulders , " Jules , listen , I think you 've gone into labor , so we 're going to take you to the hospital okay ? " We loaded up the careful , and I could only thank Julia for her timing . My dad stayed back to let the guests know what was happening as they arrive . My mother navigated while Ethan drove us , and I was in the backseat with Julia , coaching her through the next contraction . By the time we got to the hospital , Julia had gone through three contractions . Once we were all settled in the room , Julia spoke up , " Thank you guys for coming , m but I really just want Sabrina in here . Ethan can you call my mom and let her know where we are ? " Ethan nodded before walking out , and my mom placed my hand on my shoulder , before heading out the same door . For three hours , Julia labored on her own , we walked the halls , and used the birthing ball until it grew bad enough to warrant an epidural . She sits on the bed and I hold her hand while they do the injection . She fell asleep shortly after that , since it was now almost midnight . I follow suit , but I don 't sleep long because pretty soon , Julia felt the urge to push . I stood next to her , holding her hand as she squeezed mine tighter and tighter . I kissed her forehead , " Hon , you are so brave . You 're doing great . We 're almost there . " She cried out as another contraction came , but her voice was frantic , " Doctor , something 's not right ! I can feel it , please help my baby . " He ordered the nurses to monitor the baby , before strapping her down , " Tell them to get the OR ready , we 're coming in . " They all began to rush her out the door , and I felt invisible as I tried to get someone to tell me what was happening , " That 's my baby in there , what 's going on ? " Luckily , a nurse heard , " The baby 's heart rate is erratic , we need to get her out of there as fast as possible . " Before I could ask any more questions , I was ushered into the hallway , . I chased after the team rolling Julia down the hall , " I 'll be right out here for you , Jules . Be brave , honey . " I leaned against the wall and burst into sobs . As I was crying , I strained my ears for the sound of my baby 's cry , but none came . The agony was killing me , and I slumped to the floor from exhaustion until I heard a familiar comforting voice , " Sabrina ? What are you doing here ? " I looked up and was so glad to see Justin that I forgot where I was for a minute . I stood up and smiled at him , but the minute he wrapped his arms around me , I broke down into intense sobs . He held me tight , " Hey , hey … what 's wrong ? C ' mere , " he led me to a group of chairs down the hall . I wiped my tears as I sat down and faced him , " I 'm sorry . I didn 't mean to literally cry on your shoulder . " He laughed softly , " It 's okay , Sabs . What 's going on ? " I tried not to tear up as I explained about Julia and the baby before asking him , " What are you doing in the Maternity Ward ? He laughed , " My sister just had a baby boy , so I came to visit with her . " Before I could say anything , the doctor came out of the operating room , " Miss Quinn ? " I stood up , " Yes ? " He smiled kindly , " Would you like to come and meet your daughter ? " I looked back at Justin , " I 'll call you later , okay ? " He smiled wide , " I 'd really like that , Sabrina Quinn . " The doctor led me through the doors , and into a private room . Julia lay asleep in the bed and a small bassinet next to her . My eyes filled over as I stood next to her . I held her tiny hand , before I was brave enough to pick her . Gingerly , I sat down on the chair next to the bed . I whispered , " You sure gave Mommy a scare , didn 't you sweet - pea ? " I began to hum a lullabye until we were both sleepy . Fearing I would drop her , I laid her back in the bassinet . I leaned back in the chair , my finger grasped firmly in her hand and mumbled as I dozed off , " I love you , Esther Pearl Quinn … . . " Posted on June 15 , 2017June 15 , 2017Categories drama , fiction , Sims 3 , UncategorizedTags babies , drama , family , generation 1 , Hernandez , legacy , pregnancy , Quinn , Sims 3 , sims 3 story , sims3 , sims3story3 Comments on 1 . 15 Unexpected Arrival 1 . 14 The Master Plan ~ A . N ~ I realize I made a really silly mistake . I named Ethan 's girlfriend Quinn , and I completely spaced on the fact this was the Quinn legacy . Big Whoops . . So from here on out I have changed Quinn 's name in the story to Julia So I hope it 's not too confusing … My apologies XD After meeting with Julia , I did as I had promised , I spent the weekend trying to think through their situation and see if I could come up with a solution . Sunday night came , and I pulled Ethan aside , " Bud , it 's time to talk to Mom and Dad . I have a plan , but we need to talk it out as family . Why don 't you call Julia and see if she can come over for dinner . We cam talk over dinner . " If I was a violent person , I would 've smacked him upside the head , " Of course they need to know ! " I dropped my voice to a whisper , " This is your baby , their grandchild . You need to tell them what happened . " Ethan nodded slowly before walking away , pulling out his cell phone . I headed back into my room , to begin preparing for tonight . Before I was ready , evening came and Julia knocked on the door . As my father got up to answer the door , Ethan jumped up , " That 's my friend , Julia , from school . She 's going to have dinner with us tonight , but before you answer that door , you need to know , she 's 8 months pregnant . So please , please , just be cool . " My dad nodded , a serious look overcoming his face , and motioned for Ethan to answer the door . Ethan opened the door , " Hey Julia , thanks for coming . " He led her inside and she turned to our parents , " Thank you for having me over , especially so last minute , I appreciate it . " I stepped in and gave her a hug , " No , thank you for coming over , " I turned and motioned to everyone , " Why don 't we all take a seat in the living room . " My parents nodded , but you could tell the wheels were spinning in their heads . They glanced from each other to Julia 's prominent stomach . We all sat down and I put my hand on Ethan 's shoulder , " Mom , Dad , Ethan has something to tell you guys . " Ethan nodded slowly , taking Julia by the hand , " Uh , I 'm sure you can guess what I 'm about to tell you … . Julia isn 't just my friend from school . We dated at the beginning of the school year . She moved away , and a few weeks ago she moved back to town . That 's when I found out she was pregnant … with my baby . " My mom began to cry , and my Dad stood up and began to pace . I sat up and tried to be a voice of reason but Julia stood up , " Look , this is all my fault . Ethan is just trying to help . " I leaned next to my mom , " Julia has asked me to help her find a solution to their situation , because she doesn 't feel like she 's ready to raise this baby . I have thought of many options , and if Ethan 's agreeable . I would like to adopt their baby . " Ethan looked thoughtfully at Julia before turning back to me , " If that 's what Julia wants , I 'm happy to oblige . Obviously , I 'd still like to be a part of this baby 's life , but maybe more as Uncle Ethan , than Daddy . " Julia threw her arms around him , sobbing her thanks onto his shoulder . My dad stopped pacing long enough to face me , " Are you ready to raise this baby , Sabrina ? You 've just gotten on with your life after the Raj debacle . You have a part - time job , and you still live at home . " I took a deep breath , trying not to get defensive . My dad meant well , and he was still in shock . I sat a little more forward on the couch , " You 're right , I might not be ready now for this baby , but I have an entire month to get ready . My job is minimum wage , but I searched all over Simslist this weekend and I found a couple jobs that seemed decent . Because I live at home , I 've had the chance to save everything I earned as a receptionist for the last two years . In my bank account , I have nearly $ 10 , 000 saved up . I 'll be going apartment hunting this week . I want to help , Dad and I know you 're concerned , but I 'm doing this with or without your support . " As I grew silent , my mother stood up , " We 'll support you , Sabrina . What you 're doing is a very thoughtful and a generous gift . Julia , are you okay with Sabrina 's plan ? " Julia turned towards me , tears streaming down her cheek , " Yes . I can 't imagine a kinder person to raise this baby . I 'm sure my mom will be agreeable to this if she 's allowed to have contact with the baby ; but even if she 's not okay with this plan , this is what I want to do . " We hugged , and the rest of the evening was a little awkward but it went on without any issues . The next morning , I set out on an apartment hunt , barely containing my excitement . I nearly floated from place to place , not even bothered by the fact that I was walking around town in the dead of summer . After a week of apartment hunting and job interviews , luck had turned my way . I managed to score a sweet summer deal on a new apartment across town . It would be a 20 minute drive to my parents , but I was so ecstatic with this place I didn 't even care . The minute I paid for and signed the year - long lease , I began to cry and my new landlord just stared at me like I was crazy . He didn 't understand ! This was the first time in my life that I was actually independent . I didn 't have to ask someone for money to buy clothes , no more using my parents ' money to go grocery shopping . This was it , I was a grown up ! Filled with newfound sense of independence , I spent that week moving in , and when it was all finished , I had everyone over for the big reveal , Julia included . My mom had tears in her eyes as she hugged me , " Hon , I am so proud of you . There is not a minute that goes by that I don 't regret not being able to celebrate life 's milestones with you , but today , I 'm glad to be standing here with you . You 're going to be a wonderful mother , " she kissed my forehead , but we were both bawling at this point , " I 'm only a phone call away if you need anything , okay Sabrina ? " I nodded through my tears and we joined the everyone in the small living area . After everyone left that evening , I looked around at my little apartment . It wasn 't much , but it was mine , and I couldn 't have been happier . I fell fast asleep that night , fully embracing my newfound independence . I take a long sip of my coffee as I gaze over the ocean . Every day , I 'm flabbergasted by the view from our deck . I wait by the phone for the weekly call from Raj . Ever since the incident last month , we checked in with each other weekly . My phone rang , not 5 minutes later , Raj 's voice filling my ears , " Morning , pal " We talked about the random things in our life , until we were getting ready to end the call . His voice grew serious , He laughed , " Don 't worry about me , I 'm getting a fresh start with a cousin in Bridgeport . I 'll keep in touch , but you need to be able to move on and start your life . I appreciate every thing you have done for me , more than you can know , but I 'm holding you back . You 're a great woman Sabrina , and I will always love you . " He hung up the phone shortly thereafter , leaving me in a peaceful silence . Instead of feeling sad , or hurt like I expected , I felt …… . relieved . I could finally get on with my life . I stumbled into the house , accidentally slamming the door behind me . I threw my backpack on the ground , finally noticing my sister in the corner . She stood there watching me curiously , " What 's wrong , bud ? " I shrugged , before turning and heading into the kitchen . She didn 't let me get very far . She practically dragged me into her room and pushed me into the chair , " Seriously , Ethan , what 's wrong . You haven 't been yourself lately and now you 're skipping school ? " My head hung low , I surprised myself by breaking into huge gasping sobs . When I could finally speak , I raised my head and met her eyes , " Back at the beginning of the school year , I met this really awesome girl , Quinn . We were together for a little while , but she moved back in with her Dad in Twinbrook over the winter break . " Sabrina cocked her head at me , but I wasn 't finished , " Well a week ago , she moved back in with her mom , because … she 's pregnant . Like really pregnant , Sabs . " I ran over and gave her a hug , feeling like a lost little kid . I whispered , " Thank you . I 'm so glad you 're my sister . " 3 days after talking with my brother , I made plans to meet with Quinn at the local cafe in town . Ethan had plans to meet up with us later , but I thought it best to start off with just the two of us girls . A little bit early , I grabbed a coffee and waited , my mind racing . I ran through every possible scenario , trying not to form any opinions before I met this girl . I took a deep breath , trying to not come across as judgmental . The bell chimed as the cafe door opened to show a young girl , very pregnant . I stood up and stretched out my hand , " You must be Quinn . I 'm Sabrina " Quinn stiffly took my hand , being very careful to keep her guard up , " Yes , I 'm Quinn . It 's nice to meet you . " Soon after , we were called to our table where our lunch was waiting . A pause filled the air as we both ate . When we were through with our meal , I began to slowly ask her some more questions , " So , do you know whether the baby is a boy or a girl ? " Quinn stood up angrily , leaning against the table " I can barely take care of myself , and my mother is always working . I don 't even get to see her on the weekends , she travels to Bridgeport to stay with her boyfriend . How am I supposed to raise a baby ? " She broke down into sobs , so I led her back to the private area where we had first met , . When she had gained her composure she whispered , " He found the pregnancy test I took before I had the chance to tell him . He let me stay with him until the end of the school year , and then he kicked me out , so here I am . I grabbed her hand , " I don 't know how I can help you , Quinn , but that doesn 't mean I won 't . I 'll give you and Ethan some time to catch up , and I 'll spend the weekend brainstorming . Together , we can work out a plan of action , okay ? " A . N ~ I 'm baaack … Thank you all for putting up with me . I know I 'm not the most consistent of writers , but I appreciate your loyalty . Without further ado … . the next chapter is ready ! I sat up , " Oh , I 'm so sorry , Justin . I 'm not bored , I promise . Just tired . This must be the worst date you 've ever been on . I promise I 'm not usually so boring . " Justin waved me off , " Don 't even worry about it . On my wife and I 's second date , she sneezed right into my mouth as I kissed her for the first time . It was pretty gross . " I laughed softly before falling quiet , and he did the same before saying , " I made this awkward , huh ? By talking about my dead wife on the first date . I guess we 're both excellent at dating , right ? " He laid back against the sand but turned to look at me , " When I first saw her , she had the most amazing smile . You could be having the worst day of your life , but the moment you saw her , all your troubles would melt away . We met at our college orientation . She was leading the freshman group I was in . It wasn 't until the spring semester that I worked up the nerve to ask her out . Three years later , she became my wife . " He leaned in close , lingering dangerously near my face , " Sabrina , I 'd very much like to kiss you right now . " I nodded slowly before his lips met mine . With a passion and tenderness I 'd never felt before , Justin 's kiss sent my spine tingling . I 'll be honest , it was not a short kiss and when I pulled away , I couldn 't stop smiling . For a while , we just sat next to each other , watching the sunset across the ocean . When it was time to pack up , Justin helped me to my car before leaning in to kiss me one more time . He grinned mischievously at me before opening the door for me , " Wanna join Cassidy and I for dinner on Sunday ? " I smiled warmly , " Sure , but only if you agree to have dinner with me and my family on the following Sunday . " He laughed , " It 's a deal , Sabs . " We parted with the promise of next weekend in the air . My spirits were high as I parked the car in the garage and made the short walk to the house . All of a sudden , chills ran down my spine as I spotted a figure standing at the top of the driveway . They were far enough away that I couldn 't see who it was , but I wasn 't about to let them know that . I bolted for the front door , but the voice stopped me in my tracks , " Wait , Lauryn . Don 't go . " I whipped around and began to tremble , " Raj ? " , before I walked closer to the hidden figure . He shrugged , looking completely different . Instead of his fancy suits , he wore some ratty old sweatpants and a t shirt . His face wasn 't as clean as I 'd remembered . I whispered , " I must be dreaming , right ? " I surprised myself by throwing my arms around him , " I though you had died ! I 'm so happy that you 're alive ! Why did they say you were dead ? " He hung his head , " Lauryn , I am so ashamed of the way I treated you . I had no right to smack you around or bully you . Hell ! I shot you , Lauryn ! I wish I could blame it on the alcohol , but I 'm really just an asshole with a drinking problem . " He closed his eyes and started bawling , " I 'm so sorry . I woke up in the hospital , and I begged the doctor to tell you I was dead . I told him you were better off if I was dead . Once I was well enough to go home , I was arrested for battering you , and I spent 6 months in Sunset Valley Correctional Facility . You 're probably wondering why I 'm here now , and why I 'm telling you this . " I nodded softly before he continued , " I 'm 2 years sober now , and I go to meetings every day . Part of the reason I 'm here is because one of the twelve steps is to make amends , and I just wanted you to know how truly sorry I am , Lauryn . " I took his hands in mine , " So much has happened in the 2 years that we 've been apart . First things first , I found out that I was kidnapped by our family 's housekeeper and my name is Sabrina . " I laughed at the shocked look on his face , " I know , imagine how I felt . " He grew serious , " I know that I have no right to ask this , but did the baby survive ? " My eyes filled with tears , and I shook my head , " No . He died before I made it to the hospital . " Raj started crying again , " It was a boy ? " I nodded before wiping my own tears away , this was too much . Emotionally , and physically , " Raj , I 'm glad you 're okay , but I think it 's time you left . I need some space to process this , and I think you do too . " He nodded understandingly , " Laur - . . umm Sabrina ? Here 's my new number , in case you need anything . " He handed me his card , and walked off down the road . I growled in frustration as my phone buzzed for the billionth time . I hardly glanced down , knowing it would be from Nicolai , but not really caring anymore . You 'd think he would have gotten the hint after 20 unanswered voicemails and three times that in unanswered texts and emails . It had been cute at first , but it soon began to annoy me to no end . Just as I was about to turn off my phone , it began to ring , I groaned but was presently surprised to see Justin 's name pop up . We had grown to be close friends after our skating encounter in the park , I answered happily , " Hello ? " With shrieks of joy in the background , Justin 's panicked tone reached me , " Hey , Sabrina . I need your help . There are 6 little girls at my house and I have absolutely no idea what to do with them . " I smiled , " I think I know just the thing . It ; s going to be a hot one later today , so sprinklers on in the yard are always fun . Let 's see …… I got it ! I 'll come drop off my old makeup stuff and they can mess around with it and give each other makeovers . Until I get there , why don 't you pop some popcorn and let your daughter pick out a movie and they can pretend they 're at the movies . " In record time , I grabbed my makeup , picked up the pizza and was on my way to Justin 's house . I yelled angrily as someone shot out in front of my car . I slammed on the brakes , and barely stopped in time . The guy turned to face me , and I saw his face light up … Nicolai … He blocked me as I tried to drive off , knowing I couldn 't go around him due to oncoming traffic . He tapped on my window and I nearly growled at him , " What do you want , Nicolai ? " He grinned at me , " Baby , I miss you . Why won 't you answer me ? " I snapped at him , " Your pouty baby voice is not cute , Nicolai , it just shows you for the spoiled rotten , elf - centered , celebrity that you are . Now please take a hint and leave me alone ! " He opened his mouth to pleaded with me , but I pressed the horn until he turned and walked away . As soon as he was gone , I sped off towards Justin 's house , trying to put the whole thing behind me . When I left later that evening , Justin walked me out to my car , even though I insisted I was fine . We got closer to my car , only to see that my window had been smashed by a rock with a note attached . You 'll be sorry , it read . Justing grabbed my hand and pulled me away , " What 's that about , Sabrina ? Is someone bothering you ? " He snorted indignantly , " Like hell you will , Sabrina ! He threw a rock and broke your window . Something tells me he might be serious about this , okay ? Just let me give you a ride home . It 'll help me sleep better tonight . " He nodded , " Well then I guess I 'll have 7 ladies sleeping over tonight . " I blushed furiously , thankful for the darkness that hid my face . I acquiesced and followed him into the house . He led me to the second guest room before showing me where the bathroom was . I thanked him shyly before flopping down onto the bed . I texted my mom to let her know where I was before falling into a fitful sleep . I was awoken in the morning by six tiny giggles and six loud thumps outside the door . Justin knocked softly , waiting for my reply before poking his head in the door , " Hey , I hate to make you sneak out , but I 'd rather not have these girls telling their parents that I had a lady friend over while they were here , plus Cassidy might get the wrong idea . I have never had anyone else spend the night ever since … . " He whispered his thanks before closing the door . I sat on the bed , wondering why there was this hurt feeling in my stomach . It 's not like we were together , and it 's not like I was sneaking out after a one - night stand type of thing . Why did it feel like he was so embarrassed by me ? I shook my head , trying to remind myself that this wasn 't about me at all . Sabs , Thank you for making the slumber party so amazing for Cassidy . You really saved my ass back there and I really appreciate it . I 'd like to make it up to you sometime , maybe over coffee ? Text me when you get home , and we can set a date . Thanks again , Justin I have a mom , a real mom , one who loves me and bakes cookies and made scrapbooks of my first year . I sat on the couch in disbelief , my parents sitting across from me , hardly containing their excitement . I nodded my head as they made light conversation , why I was so numb inside . Shouldn 't I be just as excited as they were ? I shook my head slightly , and refocused on the conversation . She trailed off as she pushed open the door . I took in the sights and smells of a beautiful nursery … . my nursery . I started crying as memories of Christopher 's nursery plans filled my head . She held me tight until I stopped trembling . I soaked up the comfort , not used to having a mother who actually took care of me . She sighed , " So , how would like your room to look ? " I looked at her quizzically before she laughed , " What I 'm trying to say , is that our door is open if you want to stay a night every now and then , or even come live with us . But we know that that 's a big adjustment , so however you want to work it . " We parted ways that night , as I headed for the hotel they insisted on putting me up in . I laid on the bed , big tears rolling down my face . I had so many emotions swirling around but the more I learned about them , the more I hated my mom , ugh … I mean my kidnapper . I called her after I had finished crying , and left her a voicemail , saying she could find her car at the nearest impound . I hung up and took a much - needed soak in the tub . I flipped through the baby book that Vanessa , my mom , had sent with me . I traced my face in the picture , jealous of how happy she looked . I was determined to be that happy again . I packed my bag , left the hotel and found myself back on their doorway . My dad opened the door and look concerned , " Honey , are you okay ? " I found myself smiling ear to ear , " I have been robbed of too much time from you all . I want to move in and make the most of the new memories we can make . If that 's okay with you guys . " I giggled and my mom appeared next to me , so I chose that moment to address them both , " Guys , I know you 've been confused as to what to call me , because to you I 'm Sabrina , and to me , I 've been Lauryn for the last 18 years that I can remember , but I want to put Lauryn in the past . From now on I am Sabrina Daisy Quinn . " My mom 's eyes filled with tears and we hugged again , my dad encircling the both of us . He laughed , and he showed me the basics . We were both in the heat of competitive driving while Mom made a delicious smelling dinner . Dad settled on the couch with his paper . Ethan shook his head in defeat when were done , and we gathered at the table for dinner . My dad broke up the monotonous sounds of the silverware scraping the plates , " So , Sabrina , if you don 't have any plans this weekend , your mother and I thought we 'd celebrate your return by having a family day at the Sunny Seashell Spa . We own a cabana there part time . " I nodded , thinking that it sounded perfect . The rest of the week flew by in anticipation of our day at the spa . My mom and I both got deep - tissue massages and pedicures while the guys lounged by the pool . We met up by the pool in the afternoon . My dad and I relaxing on the loungers , while Ethan and my mom swam around . I was deep into a book when I heard a " COWABUNGA ! ! " With a huge splash , Ethan dove into the pool , smiling impishly when he resurfaced . I splashed him in annoyance , but I couldn 't help but smile . I got out and dried off , while trying to salvage my book . As I was walking back towards the locked room , something , or rather someone , nearly bowled me over , sending me to the floor . I ducked my head in embarrassment , dazed , but alright . I took the hand offered to help me up , a rich warm voice apologizing , " Oh man , I 'm so sorry . Are you okay ? Oh crap , you 're bleeding . " I looked down at my knee , " Oh yeah , I guess so . " I looked up at him , and did a double - take , " You - you 're Nikolai Cruz …… " He shrugged , " Yeah , but I 'm also the guy who just knocked over a beautiful young lady . " I blushed but couldn 't manage to find my words . I was standing in front of Nikolai Cruz , world - renowned singer , famous for the hit song , " You 've Got My Heart " . I stuttered before he gestured to my knee , " You should get that checked out …… . " I sputtered , " Oh , uh , I 'm Laur - I mean , I 'm Sabrina . " I laughed nervously but he tugged my arm and led me to the first aid station . He stood near me while the on - call nurse cleaned my leg and put a bandage on it . I thanked her before turning to Nikolai , " Mr . Cruz , you really didn 't have to stay . I 'm really alright . I 'm sorry to take up your time . " He laughed before kissing my hand , " Please , call me Nikolai , and why don 't you make it up to me by having dinner with me next weekend ? " I blushed , completely nervous , but I found myself agreeing …… . . I groaned inwardly before peeking out from under the blankets , " I dunno . " I rolled my eyes and ducked back under . I 'd been recovering in a domestic violence shelter , and they had put me up in an apartment with a roommate , Stella . The covers were yanked off of my bed , and I shivered in the cold air , " Come on , it 's 7 in the morning , let me sleep . " I sat up in bed before looking her dead in the eyes , " Don 't pretend you know me , okay , " I lifted up my shirt and showed her my still - healing scar , " I 've been through hell . My boyfriend shot me and killed our unborn baby in the process , while getting himself shot by the police . I have nobody , okay ? " I was crying now , the sobs leaving me unable to speak . Stella stood up abruptly and I heard her bustling around in the kitchen . Begrudgingly , I made my way into the kitchen and sat at our table . The first bite into my waffles reminded just how long it had been since I had eaten a " meal " . I stared down at my plate before apologizing , " Uh , I 'm sorry if I was rude . It 's been a rough month . " Stella put her hand on my arm , " Don 't apologize . I 'm sorry if I was too pushy , I was a lot like you when I first got here . I just care aggressively , at least that 's what my therapist says . I have been here almost 9 months , and I promise you , it does get better . " I smiled until I realized I was crying again , before I whispered my thanks . Stella stood up abruptly , " Well , I gotta get to work . Maybe try getting outside today ? Fresh air makes all the difference , when I get back we can binge watch some Simflix and eat all the chocolate we can . " I nodded and as fast as she talked , she was gone . I decided to take her advice and I tentatively headed to the park . I brought one of the books I had bought to read to Christopher , and clutched it close to my heart . The sun was shining bright , and I sat down on a bench , hoping no one noticed the still - healing bruises on my face . The sound of someone sitting next to me , made me pause in my reading , but before I say anything , or even look up , the stench of cheap booze filled my nose . I looked up to meet the steely gaze of my mother , my very drunk mother . I thought of all the horrible things that my mother had done to me and to herself , I nearly hated her for them , but I still could not , in any good conscience , leave her to find her way home . I pulled her arm until she sat down next to me , " Ma , let me take you home . How did you get here ? " I stood up , pulling her along , " You 're in condition to drive home , Ma . I 'll take you . She huffed about it all the way to the car . Once inside the car , she began pestering me with more and more painful questions , so I finally interrupted her , " Y ' know , Ma , you keep asking me about the father of my baby but in all of my 19 years you have not even mentioned my father . Not once . I think I 've waited long enough . " I had made a point of asking her when I was younger , but she always shut me down . I hoped maybe the alcohol in her might make her forget those walls . She looked at me with sad eyes , " I loved your father very much . He was a charmer . His big blue eyes crinkled when he laughed . " She looked at me and pulled at me for a hug . I tried not to stiffen , but she began to talk , " Oh , Lauryn , I 've done something so very , very bad . Something awful . I can 't tell you . " She nodded soberly , " Okay , but you can 't be upset , " she waited for me to nod before going on , " When I was sixteen , I fell in love with the star quarterback of the football team . Cliche , I know , but it was true . He didn 't notice me until a year after he graduated . We had one night of passion , and I ended up pregnant . " My mother bit her lip , " No , I was pregnant with your sister , but I miscarried in my 5th month . " My eyes grew wide , but I remained silent as she continued , " Anyways , I never told him about the pregnancy or the miscarriage , but I kept track of him as he moved on from college to his career . In fact , I ended up working for him and his wife as their housekeeper . " I stared at her , trying to reconcile what she was saying to the woman I had grown up with . I started to say something but she waved me off , " Let me finish , your father never so much as looked at me after our one shared night , but when he and his wife brought home their perfect baby girl , I was so jealous . I still loved him , and in my mind he was mine . I know this sounds crazy , but it 's how I felt at the time , okay ? I was given the care of their child while they went on with work and such , " She broke down into tears again , " One day , I realized that I might possibly love this child more than her own mother . She was so perfect , and tiny . She smiled whenever I entered the room , and cried when I left at the end of the day . " I nodded , trying get her to the point , " So after I came to that realization , the next day , I waited until they left for work and …… I took that little girl home with me , and we ran away together . I changed hers and my name . Her name was / is Lauryn . " She dropped that little bomb into my lap while I stared at her , my eyes widening by the second . Finally my brain managed to put together a whole sentence , " You mean to tell me that my mom is not my mom , but just some crazy woman who thought I was her daughter ? Wait a minute … . wait … a … . minute … . " She opened her mouth but I whisper yelled , " What 's his name ? " My mom look confused , so I chose to scream , " What is my father 's name ! " I turned and yelled at her , " I don 't care ! I 've taken so much crap from you because I thought it was my fault that you didn 't love , or because it was something that I did . You treated me like I was the problem . Every time you came home drunk , every time you brought home a new man , every time you slapped me , or called me an ungrateful whore , I still loved you , because I thought I was your daughter and that it was my job to care for you , but i was wrong , okay ? I have been caring for someone who has been trying to drink away her regrets , but now , I 'm done . If you weren 't drunk I 'd be the one to leave , but I don 't want yo to kill anyone by drunk driving , so please …… . . get out . When you 've sobered up , call me , and I 'll bring the car back . " After she stumbled out of the car , I sped off , making it home before bursting into tears . My heart ached for someone to talk to . I crawled into bed , back where I started this morning . The sun hurt my eyes when it came through the window . Stella had left some pancakes on the counter for me , but I was in no mood for eating . I got dressed before walking down the street to the library . The computer was open , so I made a beeline for it . I didn 't even know where to begin , so I pulled up my mother 's , excuse me , Maria 's , high school alumni page . I scrolled through it until I found the right yearbook . Smack dab on the cover was the quarterback , my father . I clicked on his picture , and it led me directly to his profile . I wrote down the current address and was out the door in seconds . Several hours later , one long cab ride , one short ferry ride , and one stop on the bus , I stood on his street . I took a deep breath and forced my feet to walk forward . His house was at the end of the street , and as I neared , I could make out two figures on the lawn . It was him , and his son playing catch . I have a brother ! Once within walking distance , I cleared my throat , trying to get his attention . He turned to me and I approached , " Um , hi , are you Walter Quinn ? " He nodded his head , searching me for some sign of recognition , " I am . How can I help you ? " I shrugged my shoulders , " Well , this is going to sound weird , but I think I 'm your daughter … . " A wide grin split his face before he motioned to his son , " Ethan , go get your mom ! " The blonde teenager shot into the house as I found myself being wrapped p into a hug , " Oh Sabrina , we knew you would come back to us . " Before I could correct him on my name , an older carbon copy of me stepped out the front door . Once we made I contact , she dropped the mug in her hand and rushed toward me . I was pulled into her arms as she began sobbing . I was crying too , not sure how I had made it here . I had gone from being all alone in the world , to suddenly having these stranger become my family . I clutched my mom tighter , sending us both into a fit of tears again . Somehow , everything was going to turn out all right . |
" Okay , let 's hang the balloons up there , Ethan , " I ordered before turning to my mom , " and the cake can go in the kitchen for now . " We spent the morning preparing for the baby shower , since Julia was due in three weeks . I smoothed my skirt and pulled Julia into the nursery , " Hey , are you doing alright ? You 've been pretty quiet today . " I nodded , " Okay , but feel free to put your feet up on the bed if you need to . " She started to walk away until I held her hand . I smiled , and tried not to get teary as I put my hand on her belly , " I just want to say thank you for this precious gift . I promise to take great care of it . However , after the baby is born , if you change your mind about raising it , I will do nothing but support you , alright ? " She held my hand , before nodding tearily . I led her to the bed and helped her put her feet up . I went back to decorating for a little bit until Julia started whimpering in her sleep . I rushed over to her , careful not to wake her and felt her stomach … . it was hard as a rock . I kept my hand steady on the curve of her belly until the tension relaxed . I kept my hand steady on her stomach while I grabbed my phone . I changed it to the timer and started the timer until her stomach grew hard again . Once again , she began whimpering , so I gently shook her shoulder . Julia cried out in pain , and I put an arm on her shoulders , " Jules , listen , I think you 've gone into labor , so we 're going to take you to the hospital okay ? " We loaded up the careful , and I could only thank Julia for her timing . My dad stayed back to let the guests know what was happening as they arrive . My mother navigated while Ethan drove us , and I was in the backseat with Julia , coaching her through the next contraction . By the time we got to the hospital , Julia had gone through three contractions . Once we were all settled in the room , Julia spoke up , " Thank you guys for coming , m but I really just want Sabrina in here . Ethan can you call my mom and let her know where we are ? " Ethan nodded before walking out , and my mom placed my hand on my shoulder , before heading out the same door . For three hours , Julia labored on her own , we walked the halls , and used the birthing ball until it grew bad enough to warrant an epidural . She sits on the bed and I hold her hand while they do the injection . She fell asleep shortly after that , since it was now almost midnight . I follow suit , but I don 't sleep long because pretty soon , Julia felt the urge to push . I stood next to her , holding her hand as she squeezed mine tighter and tighter . I kissed her forehead , " Hon , you are so brave . You 're doing great . We 're almost there . " She cried out as another contraction came , but her voice was frantic , " Doctor , something 's not right ! I can feel it , please help my baby . " He ordered the nurses to monitor the baby , before strapping her down , " Tell them to get the OR ready , we 're coming in . " They all began to rush her out the door , and I felt invisible as I tried to get someone to tell me what was happening , " That 's my baby in there , what 's going on ? " Luckily , a nurse heard , " The baby 's heart rate is erratic , we need to get her out of there as fast as possible . " Before I could ask any more questions , I was ushered into the hallway , . I chased after the team rolling Julia down the hall , " I 'll be right out here for you , Jules . Be brave , honey . " I leaned against the wall and burst into sobs . As I was crying , I strained my ears for the sound of my baby 's cry , but none came . The agony was killing me , and I slumped to the floor from exhaustion until I heard a familiar comforting voice , " Sabrina ? What are you doing here ? " I looked up and was so glad to see Justin that I forgot where I was for a minute . I stood up and smiled at him , but the minute he wrapped his arms around me , I broke down into intense sobs . He held me tight , " Hey , hey … what 's wrong ? C ' mere , " he led me to a group of chairs down the hall . I wiped my tears as I sat down and faced him , " I 'm sorry . I didn 't mean to literally cry on your shoulder . " He laughed softly , " It 's okay , Sabs . What 's going on ? " I tried not to tear up as I explained about Julia and the baby before asking him , " What are you doing in the Maternity Ward ? He laughed , " My sister just had a baby boy , so I came to visit with her . " Before I could say anything , the doctor came out of the operating room , " Miss Quinn ? " I stood up , " Yes ? " He smiled kindly , " Would you like to come and meet your daughter ? " I looked back at Justin , " I 'll call you later , okay ? " He smiled wide , " I 'd really like that , Sabrina Quinn . " The doctor led me through the doors , and into a private room . Julia lay asleep in the bed and a small bassinet next to her . My eyes filled over as I stood next to her . I held her tiny hand , before I was brave enough to pick her . Gingerly , I sat down on the chair next to the bed . I whispered , " You sure gave Mommy a scare , didn 't you sweet - pea ? " I began to hum a lullabye until we were both sleepy . Fearing I would drop her , I laid her back in the bassinet . I leaned back in the chair , my finger grasped firmly in her hand and mumbled as I dozed off , " I love you , Esther Pearl Quinn … . . " Posted on June 15 , 2017June 15 , 2017Categories drama , fiction , Sims 3 , UncategorizedTags babies , drama , family , generation 1 , Hernandez , legacy , pregnancy , Quinn , Sims 3 , sims 3 story , sims3 , sims3story3 Comments on 1 . 15 Unexpected Arrival 1 . 14 The Master Plan ~ A . N ~ I realize I made a really silly mistake . I named Ethan 's girlfriend Quinn , and I completely spaced on the fact this was the Quinn legacy . Big Whoops . . So from here on out I have changed Quinn 's name in the story to Julia So I hope it 's not too confusing … My apologies XD After meeting with Julia , I did as I had promised , I spent the weekend trying to think through their situation and see if I could come up with a solution . Sunday night came , and I pulled Ethan aside , " Bud , it 's time to talk to Mom and Dad . I have a plan , but we need to talk it out as family . Why don 't you call Julia and see if she can come over for dinner . We cam talk over dinner . " If I was a violent person , I would 've smacked him upside the head , " Of course they need to know ! " I dropped my voice to a whisper , " This is your baby , their grandchild . You need to tell them what happened . " Ethan nodded slowly before walking away , pulling out his cell phone . I headed back into my room , to begin preparing for tonight . Before I was ready , evening came and Julia knocked on the door . As my father got up to answer the door , Ethan jumped up , " That 's my friend , Julia , from school . She 's going to have dinner with us tonight , but before you answer that door , you need to know , she 's 8 months pregnant . So please , please , just be cool . " My dad nodded , a serious look overcoming his face , and motioned for Ethan to answer the door . Ethan opened the door , " Hey Julia , thanks for coming . " He led her inside and she turned to our parents , " Thank you for having me over , especially so last minute , I appreciate it . " I stepped in and gave her a hug , " No , thank you for coming over , " I turned and motioned to everyone , " Why don 't we all take a seat in the living room . " My parents nodded , but you could tell the wheels were spinning in their heads . They glanced from each other to Julia 's prominent stomach . We all sat down and I put my hand on Ethan 's shoulder , " Mom , Dad , Ethan has something to tell you guys . " Ethan nodded slowly , taking Julia by the hand , " Uh , I 'm sure you can guess what I 'm about to tell you … . Julia isn 't just my friend from school . We dated at the beginning of the school year . She moved away , and a few weeks ago she moved back to town . That 's when I found out she was pregnant … with my baby . " My mom began to cry , and my Dad stood up and began to pace . I sat up and tried to be a voice of reason but Julia stood up , " Look , this is all my fault . Ethan is just trying to help . " I leaned next to my mom , " Julia has asked me to help her find a solution to their situation , because she doesn 't feel like she 's ready to raise this baby . I have thought of many options , and if Ethan 's agreeable . I would like to adopt their baby . " Ethan looked thoughtfully at Julia before turning back to me , " If that 's what Julia wants , I 'm happy to oblige . Obviously , I 'd still like to be a part of this baby 's life , but maybe more as Uncle Ethan , than Daddy . " Julia threw her arms around him , sobbing her thanks onto his shoulder . My dad stopped pacing long enough to face me , " Are you ready to raise this baby , Sabrina ? You 've just gotten on with your life after the Raj debacle . You have a part - time job , and you still live at home . " I took a deep breath , trying not to get defensive . My dad meant well , and he was still in shock . I sat a little more forward on the couch , " You 're right , I might not be ready now for this baby , but I have an entire month to get ready . My job is minimum wage , but I searched all over Simslist this weekend and I found a couple jobs that seemed decent . Because I live at home , I 've had the chance to save everything I earned as a receptionist for the last two years . In my bank account , I have nearly $ 10 , 000 saved up . I 'll be going apartment hunting this week . I want to help , Dad and I know you 're concerned , but I 'm doing this with or without your support . " As I grew silent , my mother stood up , " We 'll support you , Sabrina . What you 're doing is a very thoughtful and a generous gift . Julia , are you okay with Sabrina 's plan ? " Julia turned towards me , tears streaming down her cheek , " Yes . I can 't imagine a kinder person to raise this baby . I 'm sure my mom will be agreeable to this if she 's allowed to have contact with the baby ; but even if she 's not okay with this plan , this is what I want to do . " We hugged , and the rest of the evening was a little awkward but it went on without any issues . The next morning , I set out on an apartment hunt , barely containing my excitement . I nearly floated from place to place , not even bothered by the fact that I was walking around town in the dead of summer . After a week of apartment hunting and job interviews , luck had turned my way . I managed to score a sweet summer deal on a new apartment across town . It would be a 20 minute drive to my parents , but I was so ecstatic with this place I didn 't even care . The minute I paid for and signed the year - long lease , I began to cry and my new landlord just stared at me like I was crazy . He didn 't understand ! This was the first time in my life that I was actually independent . I didn 't have to ask someone for money to buy clothes , no more using my parents ' money to go grocery shopping . This was it , I was a grown up ! Filled with newfound sense of independence , I spent that week moving in , and when it was all finished , I had everyone over for the big reveal , Julia included . My mom had tears in her eyes as she hugged me , " Hon , I am so proud of you . There is not a minute that goes by that I don 't regret not being able to celebrate life 's milestones with you , but today , I 'm glad to be standing here with you . You 're going to be a wonderful mother , " she kissed my forehead , but we were both bawling at this point , " I 'm only a phone call away if you need anything , okay Sabrina ? " I nodded through my tears and we joined the everyone in the small living area . After everyone left that evening , I looked around at my little apartment . It wasn 't much , but it was mine , and I couldn 't have been happier . I fell fast asleep that night , fully embracing my newfound independence . I take a long sip of my coffee as I gaze over the ocean . Every day , I 'm flabbergasted by the view from our deck . I wait by the phone for the weekly call from Raj . Ever since the incident last month , we checked in with each other weekly . My phone rang , not 5 minutes later , Raj 's voice filling my ears , " Morning , pal " We talked about the random things in our life , until we were getting ready to end the call . His voice grew serious , He laughed , " Don 't worry about me , I 'm getting a fresh start with a cousin in Bridgeport . I 'll keep in touch , but you need to be able to move on and start your life . I appreciate every thing you have done for me , more than you can know , but I 'm holding you back . You 're a great woman Sabrina , and I will always love you . " He hung up the phone shortly thereafter , leaving me in a peaceful silence . Instead of feeling sad , or hurt like I expected , I felt …… . relieved . I could finally get on with my life . I stumbled into the house , accidentally slamming the door behind me . I threw my backpack on the ground , finally noticing my sister in the corner . She stood there watching me curiously , " What 's wrong , bud ? " I shrugged , before turning and heading into the kitchen . She didn 't let me get very far . She practically dragged me into her room and pushed me into the chair , " Seriously , Ethan , what 's wrong . You haven 't been yourself lately and now you 're skipping school ? " My head hung low , I surprised myself by breaking into huge gasping sobs . When I could finally speak , I raised my head and met her eyes , " Back at the beginning of the school year , I met this really awesome girl , Quinn . We were together for a little while , but she moved back in with her Dad in Twinbrook over the winter break . " Sabrina cocked her head at me , but I wasn 't finished , " Well a week ago , she moved back in with her mom , because … she 's pregnant . Like really pregnant , Sabs . " I ran over and gave her a hug , feeling like a lost little kid . I whispered , " Thank you . I 'm so glad you 're my sister . " 3 days after talking with my brother , I made plans to meet with Quinn at the local cafe in town . Ethan had plans to meet up with us later , but I thought it best to start off with just the two of us girls . A little bit early , I grabbed a coffee and waited , my mind racing . I ran through every possible scenario , trying not to form any opinions before I met this girl . I took a deep breath , trying to not come across as judgmental . The bell chimed as the cafe door opened to show a young girl , very pregnant . I stood up and stretched out my hand , " You must be Quinn . I 'm Sabrina " Quinn stiffly took my hand , being very careful to keep her guard up , " Yes , I 'm Quinn . It 's nice to meet you . " Soon after , we were called to our table where our lunch was waiting . A pause filled the air as we both ate . When we were through with our meal , I began to slowly ask her some more questions , " So , do you know whether the baby is a boy or a girl ? " Quinn stood up angrily , leaning against the table " I can barely take care of myself , and my mother is always working . I don 't even get to see her on the weekends , she travels to Bridgeport to stay with her boyfriend . How am I supposed to raise a baby ? " She broke down into sobs , so I led her back to the private area where we had first met , . When she had gained her composure she whispered , " He found the pregnancy test I took before I had the chance to tell him . He let me stay with him until the end of the school year , and then he kicked me out , so here I am . I grabbed her hand , " I don 't know how I can help you , Quinn , but that doesn 't mean I won 't . I 'll give you and Ethan some time to catch up , and I 'll spend the weekend brainstorming . Together , we can work out a plan of action , okay ? " A . N ~ I 'm baaack … Thank you all for putting up with me . I know I 'm not the most consistent of writers , but I appreciate your loyalty . Without further ado … . the next chapter is ready ! I sat up , " Oh , I 'm so sorry , Justin . I 'm not bored , I promise . Just tired . This must be the worst date you 've ever been on . I promise I 'm not usually so boring . " Justin waved me off , " Don 't even worry about it . On my wife and I 's second date , she sneezed right into my mouth as I kissed her for the first time . It was pretty gross . " I laughed softly before falling quiet , and he did the same before saying , " I made this awkward , huh ? By talking about my dead wife on the first date . I guess we 're both excellent at dating , right ? " He laid back against the sand but turned to look at me , " When I first saw her , she had the most amazing smile . You could be having the worst day of your life , but the moment you saw her , all your troubles would melt away . We met at our college orientation . She was leading the freshman group I was in . It wasn 't until the spring semester that I worked up the nerve to ask her out . Three years later , she became my wife . " He leaned in close , lingering dangerously near my face , " Sabrina , I 'd very much like to kiss you right now . " I nodded slowly before his lips met mine . With a passion and tenderness I 'd never felt before , Justin 's kiss sent my spine tingling . I 'll be honest , it was not a short kiss and when I pulled away , I couldn 't stop smiling . For a while , we just sat next to each other , watching the sunset across the ocean . When it was time to pack up , Justin helped me to my car before leaning in to kiss me one more time . He grinned mischievously at me before opening the door for me , " Wanna join Cassidy and I for dinner on Sunday ? " I smiled warmly , " Sure , but only if you agree to have dinner with me and my family on the following Sunday . " He laughed , " It 's a deal , Sabs . " We parted with the promise of next weekend in the air . My spirits were high as I parked the car in the garage and made the short walk to the house . All of a sudden , chills ran down my spine as I spotted a figure standing at the top of the driveway . They were far enough away that I couldn 't see who it was , but I wasn 't about to let them know that . I bolted for the front door , but the voice stopped me in my tracks , " Wait , Lauryn . Don 't go . " I whipped around and began to tremble , " Raj ? " , before I walked closer to the hidden figure . He shrugged , looking completely different . Instead of his fancy suits , he wore some ratty old sweatpants and a t shirt . His face wasn 't as clean as I 'd remembered . I whispered , " I must be dreaming , right ? " I surprised myself by throwing my arms around him , " I though you had died ! I 'm so happy that you 're alive ! Why did they say you were dead ? " He hung his head , " Lauryn , I am so ashamed of the way I treated you . I had no right to smack you around or bully you . Hell ! I shot you , Lauryn ! I wish I could blame it on the alcohol , but I 'm really just an asshole with a drinking problem . " He closed his eyes and started bawling , " I 'm so sorry . I woke up in the hospital , and I begged the doctor to tell you I was dead . I told him you were better off if I was dead . Once I was well enough to go home , I was arrested for battering you , and I spent 6 months in Sunset Valley Correctional Facility . You 're probably wondering why I 'm here now , and why I 'm telling you this . " I nodded softly before he continued , " I 'm 2 years sober now , and I go to meetings every day . Part of the reason I 'm here is because one of the twelve steps is to make amends , and I just wanted you to know how truly sorry I am , Lauryn . " I took his hands in mine , " So much has happened in the 2 years that we 've been apart . First things first , I found out that I was kidnapped by our family 's housekeeper and my name is Sabrina . " I laughed at the shocked look on his face , " I know , imagine how I felt . " He grew serious , " I know that I have no right to ask this , but did the baby survive ? " My eyes filled with tears , and I shook my head , " No . He died before I made it to the hospital . " Raj started crying again , " It was a boy ? " I nodded before wiping my own tears away , this was too much . Emotionally , and physically , " Raj , I 'm glad you 're okay , but I think it 's time you left . I need some space to process this , and I think you do too . " He nodded understandingly , " Laur - . . umm Sabrina ? Here 's my new number , in case you need anything . " He handed me his card , and walked off down the road . I growled in frustration as my phone buzzed for the billionth time . I hardly glanced down , knowing it would be from Nicolai , but not really caring anymore . You 'd think he would have gotten the hint after 20 unanswered voicemails and three times that in unanswered texts and emails . It had been cute at first , but it soon began to annoy me to no end . Just as I was about to turn off my phone , it began to ring , I groaned but was presently surprised to see Justin 's name pop up . We had grown to be close friends after our skating encounter in the park , I answered happily , " Hello ? " With shrieks of joy in the background , Justin 's panicked tone reached me , " Hey , Sabrina . I need your help . There are 6 little girls at my house and I have absolutely no idea what to do with them . " I smiled , " I think I know just the thing . It ; s going to be a hot one later today , so sprinklers on in the yard are always fun . Let 's see …… I got it ! I 'll come drop off my old makeup stuff and they can mess around with it and give each other makeovers . Until I get there , why don 't you pop some popcorn and let your daughter pick out a movie and they can pretend they 're at the movies . " In record time , I grabbed my makeup , picked up the pizza and was on my way to Justin 's house . I yelled angrily as someone shot out in front of my car . I slammed on the brakes , and barely stopped in time . The guy turned to face me , and I saw his face light up … Nicolai … He blocked me as I tried to drive off , knowing I couldn 't go around him due to oncoming traffic . He tapped on my window and I nearly growled at him , " What do you want , Nicolai ? " He grinned at me , " Baby , I miss you . Why won 't you answer me ? " I snapped at him , " Your pouty baby voice is not cute , Nicolai , it just shows you for the spoiled rotten , elf - centered , celebrity that you are . Now please take a hint and leave me alone ! " He opened his mouth to pleaded with me , but I pressed the horn until he turned and walked away . As soon as he was gone , I sped off towards Justin 's house , trying to put the whole thing behind me . When I left later that evening , Justin walked me out to my car , even though I insisted I was fine . We got closer to my car , only to see that my window had been smashed by a rock with a note attached . You 'll be sorry , it read . Justing grabbed my hand and pulled me away , " What 's that about , Sabrina ? Is someone bothering you ? " He snorted indignantly , " Like hell you will , Sabrina ! He threw a rock and broke your window . Something tells me he might be serious about this , okay ? Just let me give you a ride home . It 'll help me sleep better tonight . " He nodded , " Well then I guess I 'll have 7 ladies sleeping over tonight . " I blushed furiously , thankful for the darkness that hid my face . I acquiesced and followed him into the house . He led me to the second guest room before showing me where the bathroom was . I thanked him shyly before flopping down onto the bed . I texted my mom to let her know where I was before falling into a fitful sleep . I was awoken in the morning by six tiny giggles and six loud thumps outside the door . Justin knocked softly , waiting for my reply before poking his head in the door , " Hey , I hate to make you sneak out , but I 'd rather not have these girls telling their parents that I had a lady friend over while they were here , plus Cassidy might get the wrong idea . I have never had anyone else spend the night ever since … . " He whispered his thanks before closing the door . I sat on the bed , wondering why there was this hurt feeling in my stomach . It 's not like we were together , and it 's not like I was sneaking out after a one - night stand type of thing . Why did it feel like he was so embarrassed by me ? I shook my head , trying to remind myself that this wasn 't about me at all . Sabs , Thank you for making the slumber party so amazing for Cassidy . You really saved my ass back there and I really appreciate it . I 'd like to make it up to you sometime , maybe over coffee ? Text me when you get home , and we can set a date . Thanks again , Justin I have a mom , a real mom , one who loves me and bakes cookies and made scrapbooks of my first year . I sat on the couch in disbelief , my parents sitting across from me , hardly containing their excitement . I nodded my head as they made light conversation , why I was so numb inside . Shouldn 't I be just as excited as they were ? I shook my head slightly , and refocused on the conversation . She trailed off as she pushed open the door . I took in the sights and smells of a beautiful nursery … . my nursery . I started crying as memories of Christopher 's nursery plans filled my head . She held me tight until I stopped trembling . I soaked up the comfort , not used to having a mother who actually took care of me . She sighed , " So , how would like your room to look ? " I looked at her quizzically before she laughed , " What I 'm trying to say , is that our door is open if you want to stay a night every now and then , or even come live with us . But we know that that 's a big adjustment , so however you want to work it . " We parted ways that night , as I headed for the hotel they insisted on putting me up in . I laid on the bed , big tears rolling down my face . I had so many emotions swirling around but the more I learned about them , the more I hated my mom , ugh … I mean my kidnapper . I called her after I had finished crying , and left her a voicemail , saying she could find her car at the nearest impound . I hung up and took a much - needed soak in the tub . I flipped through the baby book that Vanessa , my mom , had sent with me . I traced my face in the picture , jealous of how happy she looked . I was determined to be that happy again . I packed my bag , left the hotel and found myself back on their doorway . My dad opened the door and look concerned , " Honey , are you okay ? " I found myself smiling ear to ear , " I have been robbed of too much time from you all . I want to move in and make the most of the new memories we can make . If that 's okay with you guys . " I giggled and my mom appeared next to me , so I chose that moment to address them both , " Guys , I know you 've been confused as to what to call me , because to you I 'm Sabrina , and to me , I 've been Lauryn for the last 18 years that I can remember , but I want to put Lauryn in the past . From now on I am Sabrina Daisy Quinn . " My mom 's eyes filled with tears and we hugged again , my dad encircling the both of us . He laughed , and he showed me the basics . We were both in the heat of competitive driving while Mom made a delicious smelling dinner . Dad settled on the couch with his paper . Ethan shook his head in defeat when were done , and we gathered at the table for dinner . My dad broke up the monotonous sounds of the silverware scraping the plates , " So , Sabrina , if you don 't have any plans this weekend , your mother and I thought we 'd celebrate your return by having a family day at the Sunny Seashell Spa . We own a cabana there part time . " I nodded , thinking that it sounded perfect . The rest of the week flew by in anticipation of our day at the spa . My mom and I both got deep - tissue massages and pedicures while the guys lounged by the pool . We met up by the pool in the afternoon . My dad and I relaxing on the loungers , while Ethan and my mom swam around . I was deep into a book when I heard a " COWABUNGA ! ! " With a huge splash , Ethan dove into the pool , smiling impishly when he resurfaced . I splashed him in annoyance , but I couldn 't help but smile . I got out and dried off , while trying to salvage my book . As I was walking back towards the locked room , something , or rather someone , nearly bowled me over , sending me to the floor . I ducked my head in embarrassment , dazed , but alright . I took the hand offered to help me up , a rich warm voice apologizing , " Oh man , I 'm so sorry . Are you okay ? Oh crap , you 're bleeding . " I looked down at my knee , " Oh yeah , I guess so . " I looked up at him , and did a double - take , " You - you 're Nikolai Cruz …… " He shrugged , " Yeah , but I 'm also the guy who just knocked over a beautiful young lady . " I blushed but couldn 't manage to find my words . I was standing in front of Nikolai Cruz , world - renowned singer , famous for the hit song , " You 've Got My Heart " . I stuttered before he gestured to my knee , " You should get that checked out …… . " I sputtered , " Oh , uh , I 'm Laur - I mean , I 'm Sabrina . " I laughed nervously but he tugged my arm and led me to the first aid station . He stood near me while the on - call nurse cleaned my leg and put a bandage on it . I thanked her before turning to Nikolai , " Mr . Cruz , you really didn 't have to stay . I 'm really alright . I 'm sorry to take up your time . " He laughed before kissing my hand , " Please , call me Nikolai , and why don 't you make it up to me by having dinner with me next weekend ? " I blushed , completely nervous , but I found myself agreeing …… . . I groaned inwardly before peeking out from under the blankets , " I dunno . " I rolled my eyes and ducked back under . I 'd been recovering in a domestic violence shelter , and they had put me up in an apartment with a roommate , Stella . The covers were yanked off of my bed , and I shivered in the cold air , " Come on , it 's 7 in the morning , let me sleep . " I sat up in bed before looking her dead in the eyes , " Don 't pretend you know me , okay , " I lifted up my shirt and showed her my still - healing scar , " I 've been through hell . My boyfriend shot me and killed our unborn baby in the process , while getting himself shot by the police . I have nobody , okay ? " I was crying now , the sobs leaving me unable to speak . Stella stood up abruptly and I heard her bustling around in the kitchen . Begrudgingly , I made my way into the kitchen and sat at our table . The first bite into my waffles reminded just how long it had been since I had eaten a " meal " . I stared down at my plate before apologizing , " Uh , I 'm sorry if I was rude . It 's been a rough month . " Stella put her hand on my arm , " Don 't apologize . I 'm sorry if I was too pushy , I was a lot like you when I first got here . I just care aggressively , at least that 's what my therapist says . I have been here almost 9 months , and I promise you , it does get better . " I smiled until I realized I was crying again , before I whispered my thanks . Stella stood up abruptly , " Well , I gotta get to work . Maybe try getting outside today ? Fresh air makes all the difference , when I get back we can binge watch some Simflix and eat all the chocolate we can . " I nodded and as fast as she talked , she was gone . I decided to take her advice and I tentatively headed to the park . I brought one of the books I had bought to read to Christopher , and clutched it close to my heart . The sun was shining bright , and I sat down on a bench , hoping no one noticed the still - healing bruises on my face . The sound of someone sitting next to me , made me pause in my reading , but before I say anything , or even look up , the stench of cheap booze filled my nose . I looked up to meet the steely gaze of my mother , my very drunk mother . I thought of all the horrible things that my mother had done to me and to herself , I nearly hated her for them , but I still could not , in any good conscience , leave her to find her way home . I pulled her arm until she sat down next to me , " Ma , let me take you home . How did you get here ? " I stood up , pulling her along , " You 're in condition to drive home , Ma . I 'll take you . She huffed about it all the way to the car . Once inside the car , she began pestering me with more and more painful questions , so I finally interrupted her , " Y ' know , Ma , you keep asking me about the father of my baby but in all of my 19 years you have not even mentioned my father . Not once . I think I 've waited long enough . " I had made a point of asking her when I was younger , but she always shut me down . I hoped maybe the alcohol in her might make her forget those walls . She looked at me with sad eyes , " I loved your father very much . He was a charmer . His big blue eyes crinkled when he laughed . " She looked at me and pulled at me for a hug . I tried not to stiffen , but she began to talk , " Oh , Lauryn , I 've done something so very , very bad . Something awful . I can 't tell you . " She nodded soberly , " Okay , but you can 't be upset , " she waited for me to nod before going on , " When I was sixteen , I fell in love with the star quarterback of the football team . Cliche , I know , but it was true . He didn 't notice me until a year after he graduated . We had one night of passion , and I ended up pregnant . " My mother bit her lip , " No , I was pregnant with your sister , but I miscarried in my 5th month . " My eyes grew wide , but I remained silent as she continued , " Anyways , I never told him about the pregnancy or the miscarriage , but I kept track of him as he moved on from college to his career . In fact , I ended up working for him and his wife as their housekeeper . " I stared at her , trying to reconcile what she was saying to the woman I had grown up with . I started to say something but she waved me off , " Let me finish , your father never so much as looked at me after our one shared night , but when he and his wife brought home their perfect baby girl , I was so jealous . I still loved him , and in my mind he was mine . I know this sounds crazy , but it 's how I felt at the time , okay ? I was given the care of their child while they went on with work and such , " She broke down into tears again , " One day , I realized that I might possibly love this child more than her own mother . She was so perfect , and tiny . She smiled whenever I entered the room , and cried when I left at the end of the day . " I nodded , trying get her to the point , " So after I came to that realization , the next day , I waited until they left for work and …… I took that little girl home with me , and we ran away together . I changed hers and my name . Her name was / is Lauryn . " She dropped that little bomb into my lap while I stared at her , my eyes widening by the second . Finally my brain managed to put together a whole sentence , " You mean to tell me that my mom is not my mom , but just some crazy woman who thought I was her daughter ? Wait a minute … . wait … a … . minute … . " She opened her mouth but I whisper yelled , " What 's his name ? " My mom look confused , so I chose to scream , " What is my father 's name ! " I turned and yelled at her , " I don 't care ! I 've taken so much crap from you because I thought it was my fault that you didn 't love , or because it was something that I did . You treated me like I was the problem . Every time you came home drunk , every time you brought home a new man , every time you slapped me , or called me an ungrateful whore , I still loved you , because I thought I was your daughter and that it was my job to care for you , but i was wrong , okay ? I have been caring for someone who has been trying to drink away her regrets , but now , I 'm done . If you weren 't drunk I 'd be the one to leave , but I don 't want yo to kill anyone by drunk driving , so please …… . . get out . When you 've sobered up , call me , and I 'll bring the car back . " After she stumbled out of the car , I sped off , making it home before bursting into tears . My heart ached for someone to talk to . I crawled into bed , back where I started this morning . The sun hurt my eyes when it came through the window . Stella had left some pancakes on the counter for me , but I was in no mood for eating . I got dressed before walking down the street to the library . The computer was open , so I made a beeline for it . I didn 't even know where to begin , so I pulled up my mother 's , excuse me , Maria 's , high school alumni page . I scrolled through it until I found the right yearbook . Smack dab on the cover was the quarterback , my father . I clicked on his picture , and it led me directly to his profile . I wrote down the current address and was out the door in seconds . Several hours later , one long cab ride , one short ferry ride , and one stop on the bus , I stood on his street . I took a deep breath and forced my feet to walk forward . His house was at the end of the street , and as I neared , I could make out two figures on the lawn . It was him , and his son playing catch . I have a brother ! Once within walking distance , I cleared my throat , trying to get his attention . He turned to me and I approached , " Um , hi , are you Walter Quinn ? " He nodded his head , searching me for some sign of recognition , " I am . How can I help you ? " I shrugged my shoulders , " Well , this is going to sound weird , but I think I 'm your daughter … . " A wide grin split his face before he motioned to his son , " Ethan , go get your mom ! " The blonde teenager shot into the house as I found myself being wrapped p into a hug , " Oh Sabrina , we knew you would come back to us . " Before I could correct him on my name , an older carbon copy of me stepped out the front door . Once we made I contact , she dropped the mug in her hand and rushed toward me . I was pulled into her arms as she began sobbing . I was crying too , not sure how I had made it here . I had gone from being all alone in the world , to suddenly having these stranger become my family . I clutched my mom tighter , sending us both into a fit of tears again . Somehow , everything was going to turn out all right . |
" Okay , let 's hang the balloons up there , Ethan , " I ordered before turning to my mom , " and the cake can go in the kitchen for now . " We spent the morning preparing for the baby shower , since Julia was due in three weeks . I smoothed my skirt and pulled Julia into the nursery , " Hey , are you doing alright ? You 've been pretty quiet today . " I nodded , " Okay , but feel free to put your feet up on the bed if you need to . " She started to walk away until I held her hand . I smiled , and tried not to get teary as I put my hand on her belly , " I just want to say thank you for this precious gift . I promise to take great care of it . However , after the baby is born , if you change your mind about raising it , I will do nothing but support you , alright ? " She held my hand , before nodding tearily . I led her to the bed and helped her put her feet up . I went back to decorating for a little bit until Julia started whimpering in her sleep . I rushed over to her , careful not to wake her and felt her stomach … . it was hard as a rock . I kept my hand steady on the curve of her belly until the tension relaxed . I kept my hand steady on her stomach while I grabbed my phone . I changed it to the timer and started the timer until her stomach grew hard again . Once again , she began whimpering , so I gently shook her shoulder . Julia cried out in pain , and I put an arm on her shoulders , " Jules , listen , I think you 've gone into labor , so we 're going to take you to the hospital okay ? " We loaded up the careful , and I could only thank Julia for her timing . My dad stayed back to let the guests know what was happening as they arrive . My mother navigated while Ethan drove us , and I was in the backseat with Julia , coaching her through the next contraction . By the time we got to the hospital , Julia had gone through three contractions . Once we were all settled in the room , Julia spoke up , " Thank you guys for coming , m but I really just want Sabrina in here . Ethan can you call my mom and let her know where we are ? " Ethan nodded before walking out , and my mom placed my hand on my shoulder , before heading out the same door . For three hours , Julia labored on her own , we walked the halls , and used the birthing ball until it grew bad enough to warrant an epidural . She sits on the bed and I hold her hand while they do the injection . She fell asleep shortly after that , since it was now almost midnight . I follow suit , but I don 't sleep long because pretty soon , Julia felt the urge to push . I stood next to her , holding her hand as she squeezed mine tighter and tighter . I kissed her forehead , " Hon , you are so brave . You 're doing great . We 're almost there . " She cried out as another contraction came , but her voice was frantic , " Doctor , something 's not right ! I can feel it , please help my baby . " He ordered the nurses to monitor the baby , before strapping her down , " Tell them to get the OR ready , we 're coming in . " They all began to rush her out the door , and I felt invisible as I tried to get someone to tell me what was happening , " That 's my baby in there , what 's going on ? " Luckily , a nurse heard , " The baby 's heart rate is erratic , we need to get her out of there as fast as possible . " Before I could ask any more questions , I was ushered into the hallway , . I chased after the team rolling Julia down the hall , " I 'll be right out here for you , Jules . Be brave , honey . " I leaned against the wall and burst into sobs . As I was crying , I strained my ears for the sound of my baby 's cry , but none came . The agony was killing me , and I slumped to the floor from exhaustion until I heard a familiar comforting voice , " Sabrina ? What are you doing here ? " I looked up and was so glad to see Justin that I forgot where I was for a minute . I stood up and smiled at him , but the minute he wrapped his arms around me , I broke down into intense sobs . He held me tight , " Hey , hey … what 's wrong ? C ' mere , " he led me to a group of chairs down the hall . I wiped my tears as I sat down and faced him , " I 'm sorry . I didn 't mean to literally cry on your shoulder . " He laughed softly , " It 's okay , Sabs . What 's going on ? " I tried not to tear up as I explained about Julia and the baby before asking him , " What are you doing in the Maternity Ward ? He laughed , " My sister just had a baby boy , so I came to visit with her . " Before I could say anything , the doctor came out of the operating room , " Miss Quinn ? " I stood up , " Yes ? " He smiled kindly , " Would you like to come and meet your daughter ? " I looked back at Justin , " I 'll call you later , okay ? " He smiled wide , " I 'd really like that , Sabrina Quinn . " The doctor led me through the doors , and into a private room . Julia lay asleep in the bed and a small bassinet next to her . My eyes filled over as I stood next to her . I held her tiny hand , before I was brave enough to pick her . Gingerly , I sat down on the chair next to the bed . I whispered , " You sure gave Mommy a scare , didn 't you sweet - pea ? " I began to hum a lullabye until we were both sleepy . Fearing I would drop her , I laid her back in the bassinet . I leaned back in the chair , my finger grasped firmly in her hand and mumbled as I dozed off , " I love you , Esther Pearl Quinn … . . " Posted on June 15 , 2017June 15 , 2017Categories drama , fiction , Sims 3 , UncategorizedTags babies , drama , family , generation 1 , Hernandez , legacy , pregnancy , Quinn , Sims 3 , sims 3 story , sims3 , sims3story3 Comments on 1 . 15 Unexpected Arrival 1 . 14 The Master Plan ~ A . N ~ I realize I made a really silly mistake . I named Ethan 's girlfriend Quinn , and I completely spaced on the fact this was the Quinn legacy . Big Whoops . . So from here on out I have changed Quinn 's name in the story to Julia So I hope it 's not too confusing … My apologies XD After meeting with Julia , I did as I had promised , I spent the weekend trying to think through their situation and see if I could come up with a solution . Sunday night came , and I pulled Ethan aside , " Bud , it 's time to talk to Mom and Dad . I have a plan , but we need to talk it out as family . Why don 't you call Julia and see if she can come over for dinner . We cam talk over dinner . " If I was a violent person , I would 've smacked him upside the head , " Of course they need to know ! " I dropped my voice to a whisper , " This is your baby , their grandchild . You need to tell them what happened . " Ethan nodded slowly before walking away , pulling out his cell phone . I headed back into my room , to begin preparing for tonight . Before I was ready , evening came and Julia knocked on the door . As my father got up to answer the door , Ethan jumped up , " That 's my friend , Julia , from school . She 's going to have dinner with us tonight , but before you answer that door , you need to know , she 's 8 months pregnant . So please , please , just be cool . " My dad nodded , a serious look overcoming his face , and motioned for Ethan to answer the door . Ethan opened the door , " Hey Julia , thanks for coming . " He led her inside and she turned to our parents , " Thank you for having me over , especially so last minute , I appreciate it . " I stepped in and gave her a hug , " No , thank you for coming over , " I turned and motioned to everyone , " Why don 't we all take a seat in the living room . " My parents nodded , but you could tell the wheels were spinning in their heads . They glanced from each other to Julia 's prominent stomach . We all sat down and I put my hand on Ethan 's shoulder , " Mom , Dad , Ethan has something to tell you guys . " Ethan nodded slowly , taking Julia by the hand , " Uh , I 'm sure you can guess what I 'm about to tell you … . Julia isn 't just my friend from school . We dated at the beginning of the school year . She moved away , and a few weeks ago she moved back to town . That 's when I found out she was pregnant … with my baby . " My mom began to cry , and my Dad stood up and began to pace . I sat up and tried to be a voice of reason but Julia stood up , " Look , this is all my fault . Ethan is just trying to help . " I leaned next to my mom , " Julia has asked me to help her find a solution to their situation , because she doesn 't feel like she 's ready to raise this baby . I have thought of many options , and if Ethan 's agreeable . I would like to adopt their baby . " Ethan looked thoughtfully at Julia before turning back to me , " If that 's what Julia wants , I 'm happy to oblige . Obviously , I 'd still like to be a part of this baby 's life , but maybe more as Uncle Ethan , than Daddy . " Julia threw her arms around him , sobbing her thanks onto his shoulder . My dad stopped pacing long enough to face me , " Are you ready to raise this baby , Sabrina ? You 've just gotten on with your life after the Raj debacle . You have a part - time job , and you still live at home . " I took a deep breath , trying not to get defensive . My dad meant well , and he was still in shock . I sat a little more forward on the couch , " You 're right , I might not be ready now for this baby , but I have an entire month to get ready . My job is minimum wage , but I searched all over Simslist this weekend and I found a couple jobs that seemed decent . Because I live at home , I 've had the chance to save everything I earned as a receptionist for the last two years . In my bank account , I have nearly $ 10 , 000 saved up . I 'll be going apartment hunting this week . I want to help , Dad and I know you 're concerned , but I 'm doing this with or without your support . " As I grew silent , my mother stood up , " We 'll support you , Sabrina . What you 're doing is a very thoughtful and a generous gift . Julia , are you okay with Sabrina 's plan ? " Julia turned towards me , tears streaming down her cheek , " Yes . I can 't imagine a kinder person to raise this baby . I 'm sure my mom will be agreeable to this if she 's allowed to have contact with the baby ; but even if she 's not okay with this plan , this is what I want to do . " We hugged , and the rest of the evening was a little awkward but it went on without any issues . The next morning , I set out on an apartment hunt , barely containing my excitement . I nearly floated from place to place , not even bothered by the fact that I was walking around town in the dead of summer . After a week of apartment hunting and job interviews , luck had turned my way . I managed to score a sweet summer deal on a new apartment across town . It would be a 20 minute drive to my parents , but I was so ecstatic with this place I didn 't even care . The minute I paid for and signed the year - long lease , I began to cry and my new landlord just stared at me like I was crazy . He didn 't understand ! This was the first time in my life that I was actually independent . I didn 't have to ask someone for money to buy clothes , no more using my parents ' money to go grocery shopping . This was it , I was a grown up ! Filled with newfound sense of independence , I spent that week moving in , and when it was all finished , I had everyone over for the big reveal , Julia included . My mom had tears in her eyes as she hugged me , " Hon , I am so proud of you . There is not a minute that goes by that I don 't regret not being able to celebrate life 's milestones with you , but today , I 'm glad to be standing here with you . You 're going to be a wonderful mother , " she kissed my forehead , but we were both bawling at this point , " I 'm only a phone call away if you need anything , okay Sabrina ? " I nodded through my tears and we joined the everyone in the small living area . After everyone left that evening , I looked around at my little apartment . It wasn 't much , but it was mine , and I couldn 't have been happier . I fell fast asleep that night , fully embracing my newfound independence . I take a long sip of my coffee as I gaze over the ocean . Every day , I 'm flabbergasted by the view from our deck . I wait by the phone for the weekly call from Raj . Ever since the incident last month , we checked in with each other weekly . My phone rang , not 5 minutes later , Raj 's voice filling my ears , " Morning , pal " We talked about the random things in our life , until we were getting ready to end the call . His voice grew serious , He laughed , " Don 't worry about me , I 'm getting a fresh start with a cousin in Bridgeport . I 'll keep in touch , but you need to be able to move on and start your life . I appreciate every thing you have done for me , more than you can know , but I 'm holding you back . You 're a great woman Sabrina , and I will always love you . " He hung up the phone shortly thereafter , leaving me in a peaceful silence . Instead of feeling sad , or hurt like I expected , I felt …… . relieved . I could finally get on with my life . I stumbled into the house , accidentally slamming the door behind me . I threw my backpack on the ground , finally noticing my sister in the corner . She stood there watching me curiously , " What 's wrong , bud ? " I shrugged , before turning and heading into the kitchen . She didn 't let me get very far . She practically dragged me into her room and pushed me into the chair , " Seriously , Ethan , what 's wrong . You haven 't been yourself lately and now you 're skipping school ? " My head hung low , I surprised myself by breaking into huge gasping sobs . When I could finally speak , I raised my head and met her eyes , " Back at the beginning of the school year , I met this really awesome girl , Quinn . We were together for a little while , but she moved back in with her Dad in Twinbrook over the winter break . " Sabrina cocked her head at me , but I wasn 't finished , " Well a week ago , she moved back in with her mom , because … she 's pregnant . Like really pregnant , Sabs . " I ran over and gave her a hug , feeling like a lost little kid . I whispered , " Thank you . I 'm so glad you 're my sister . " 3 days after talking with my brother , I made plans to meet with Quinn at the local cafe in town . Ethan had plans to meet up with us later , but I thought it best to start off with just the two of us girls . A little bit early , I grabbed a coffee and waited , my mind racing . I ran through every possible scenario , trying not to form any opinions before I met this girl . I took a deep breath , trying to not come across as judgmental . The bell chimed as the cafe door opened to show a young girl , very pregnant . I stood up and stretched out my hand , " You must be Quinn . I 'm Sabrina " Quinn stiffly took my hand , being very careful to keep her guard up , " Yes , I 'm Quinn . It 's nice to meet you . " Soon after , we were called to our table where our lunch was waiting . A pause filled the air as we both ate . When we were through with our meal , I began to slowly ask her some more questions , " So , do you know whether the baby is a boy or a girl ? " Quinn stood up angrily , leaning against the table " I can barely take care of myself , and my mother is always working . I don 't even get to see her on the weekends , she travels to Bridgeport to stay with her boyfriend . How am I supposed to raise a baby ? " She broke down into sobs , so I led her back to the private area where we had first met , . When she had gained her composure she whispered , " He found the pregnancy test I took before I had the chance to tell him . He let me stay with him until the end of the school year , and then he kicked me out , so here I am . I grabbed her hand , " I don 't know how I can help you , Quinn , but that doesn 't mean I won 't . I 'll give you and Ethan some time to catch up , and I 'll spend the weekend brainstorming . Together , we can work out a plan of action , okay ? " A . N ~ I 'm baaack … Thank you all for putting up with me . I know I 'm not the most consistent of writers , but I appreciate your loyalty . Without further ado … . the next chapter is ready ! I sat up , " Oh , I 'm so sorry , Justin . I 'm not bored , I promise . Just tired . This must be the worst date you 've ever been on . I promise I 'm not usually so boring . " Justin waved me off , " Don 't even worry about it . On my wife and I 's second date , she sneezed right into my mouth as I kissed her for the first time . It was pretty gross . " I laughed softly before falling quiet , and he did the same before saying , " I made this awkward , huh ? By talking about my dead wife on the first date . I guess we 're both excellent at dating , right ? " He laid back against the sand but turned to look at me , " When I first saw her , she had the most amazing smile . You could be having the worst day of your life , but the moment you saw her , all your troubles would melt away . We met at our college orientation . She was leading the freshman group I was in . It wasn 't until the spring semester that I worked up the nerve to ask her out . Three years later , she became my wife . " He leaned in close , lingering dangerously near my face , " Sabrina , I 'd very much like to kiss you right now . " I nodded slowly before his lips met mine . With a passion and tenderness I 'd never felt before , Justin 's kiss sent my spine tingling . I 'll be honest , it was not a short kiss and when I pulled away , I couldn 't stop smiling . For a while , we just sat next to each other , watching the sunset across the ocean . When it was time to pack up , Justin helped me to my car before leaning in to kiss me one more time . He grinned mischievously at me before opening the door for me , " Wanna join Cassidy and I for dinner on Sunday ? " I smiled warmly , " Sure , but only if you agree to have dinner with me and my family on the following Sunday . " He laughed , " It 's a deal , Sabs . " We parted with the promise of next weekend in the air . My spirits were high as I parked the car in the garage and made the short walk to the house . All of a sudden , chills ran down my spine as I spotted a figure standing at the top of the driveway . They were far enough away that I couldn 't see who it was , but I wasn 't about to let them know that . I bolted for the front door , but the voice stopped me in my tracks , " Wait , Lauryn . Don 't go . " I whipped around and began to tremble , " Raj ? " , before I walked closer to the hidden figure . He shrugged , looking completely different . Instead of his fancy suits , he wore some ratty old sweatpants and a t shirt . His face wasn 't as clean as I 'd remembered . I whispered , " I must be dreaming , right ? " I surprised myself by throwing my arms around him , " I though you had died ! I 'm so happy that you 're alive ! Why did they say you were dead ? " He hung his head , " Lauryn , I am so ashamed of the way I treated you . I had no right to smack you around or bully you . Hell ! I shot you , Lauryn ! I wish I could blame it on the alcohol , but I 'm really just an asshole with a drinking problem . " He closed his eyes and started bawling , " I 'm so sorry . I woke up in the hospital , and I begged the doctor to tell you I was dead . I told him you were better off if I was dead . Once I was well enough to go home , I was arrested for battering you , and I spent 6 months in Sunset Valley Correctional Facility . You 're probably wondering why I 'm here now , and why I 'm telling you this . " I nodded softly before he continued , " I 'm 2 years sober now , and I go to meetings every day . Part of the reason I 'm here is because one of the twelve steps is to make amends , and I just wanted you to know how truly sorry I am , Lauryn . " I took his hands in mine , " So much has happened in the 2 years that we 've been apart . First things first , I found out that I was kidnapped by our family 's housekeeper and my name is Sabrina . " I laughed at the shocked look on his face , " I know , imagine how I felt . " He grew serious , " I know that I have no right to ask this , but did the baby survive ? " My eyes filled with tears , and I shook my head , " No . He died before I made it to the hospital . " Raj started crying again , " It was a boy ? " I nodded before wiping my own tears away , this was too much . Emotionally , and physically , " Raj , I 'm glad you 're okay , but I think it 's time you left . I need some space to process this , and I think you do too . " He nodded understandingly , " Laur - . . umm Sabrina ? Here 's my new number , in case you need anything . " He handed me his card , and walked off down the road . I growled in frustration as my phone buzzed for the billionth time . I hardly glanced down , knowing it would be from Nicolai , but not really caring anymore . You 'd think he would have gotten the hint after 20 unanswered voicemails and three times that in unanswered texts and emails . It had been cute at first , but it soon began to annoy me to no end . Just as I was about to turn off my phone , it began to ring , I groaned but was presently surprised to see Justin 's name pop up . We had grown to be close friends after our skating encounter in the park , I answered happily , " Hello ? " With shrieks of joy in the background , Justin 's panicked tone reached me , " Hey , Sabrina . I need your help . There are 6 little girls at my house and I have absolutely no idea what to do with them . " I smiled , " I think I know just the thing . It ; s going to be a hot one later today , so sprinklers on in the yard are always fun . Let 's see …… I got it ! I 'll come drop off my old makeup stuff and they can mess around with it and give each other makeovers . Until I get there , why don 't you pop some popcorn and let your daughter pick out a movie and they can pretend they 're at the movies . " In record time , I grabbed my makeup , picked up the pizza and was on my way to Justin 's house . I yelled angrily as someone shot out in front of my car . I slammed on the brakes , and barely stopped in time . The guy turned to face me , and I saw his face light up … Nicolai … He blocked me as I tried to drive off , knowing I couldn 't go around him due to oncoming traffic . He tapped on my window and I nearly growled at him , " What do you want , Nicolai ? " He grinned at me , " Baby , I miss you . Why won 't you answer me ? " I snapped at him , " Your pouty baby voice is not cute , Nicolai , it just shows you for the spoiled rotten , elf - centered , celebrity that you are . Now please take a hint and leave me alone ! " He opened his mouth to pleaded with me , but I pressed the horn until he turned and walked away . As soon as he was gone , I sped off towards Justin 's house , trying to put the whole thing behind me . When I left later that evening , Justin walked me out to my car , even though I insisted I was fine . We got closer to my car , only to see that my window had been smashed by a rock with a note attached . You 'll be sorry , it read . Justing grabbed my hand and pulled me away , " What 's that about , Sabrina ? Is someone bothering you ? " He snorted indignantly , " Like hell you will , Sabrina ! He threw a rock and broke your window . Something tells me he might be serious about this , okay ? Just let me give you a ride home . It 'll help me sleep better tonight . " He nodded , " Well then I guess I 'll have 7 ladies sleeping over tonight . " I blushed furiously , thankful for the darkness that hid my face . I acquiesced and followed him into the house . He led me to the second guest room before showing me where the bathroom was . I thanked him shyly before flopping down onto the bed . I texted my mom to let her know where I was before falling into a fitful sleep . I was awoken in the morning by six tiny giggles and six loud thumps outside the door . Justin knocked softly , waiting for my reply before poking his head in the door , " Hey , I hate to make you sneak out , but I 'd rather not have these girls telling their parents that I had a lady friend over while they were here , plus Cassidy might get the wrong idea . I have never had anyone else spend the night ever since … . " He whispered his thanks before closing the door . I sat on the bed , wondering why there was this hurt feeling in my stomach . It 's not like we were together , and it 's not like I was sneaking out after a one - night stand type of thing . Why did it feel like he was so embarrassed by me ? I shook my head , trying to remind myself that this wasn 't about me at all . Sabs , Thank you for making the slumber party so amazing for Cassidy . You really saved my ass back there and I really appreciate it . I 'd like to make it up to you sometime , maybe over coffee ? Text me when you get home , and we can set a date . Thanks again , Justin I have a mom , a real mom , one who loves me and bakes cookies and made scrapbooks of my first year . I sat on the couch in disbelief , my parents sitting across from me , hardly containing their excitement . I nodded my head as they made light conversation , why I was so numb inside . Shouldn 't I be just as excited as they were ? I shook my head slightly , and refocused on the conversation . She trailed off as she pushed open the door . I took in the sights and smells of a beautiful nursery … . my nursery . I started crying as memories of Christopher 's nursery plans filled my head . She held me tight until I stopped trembling . I soaked up the comfort , not used to having a mother who actually took care of me . She sighed , " So , how would like your room to look ? " I looked at her quizzically before she laughed , " What I 'm trying to say , is that our door is open if you want to stay a night every now and then , or even come live with us . But we know that that 's a big adjustment , so however you want to work it . " We parted ways that night , as I headed for the hotel they insisted on putting me up in . I laid on the bed , big tears rolling down my face . I had so many emotions swirling around but the more I learned about them , the more I hated my mom , ugh … I mean my kidnapper . I called her after I had finished crying , and left her a voicemail , saying she could find her car at the nearest impound . I hung up and took a much - needed soak in the tub . I flipped through the baby book that Vanessa , my mom , had sent with me . I traced my face in the picture , jealous of how happy she looked . I was determined to be that happy again . I packed my bag , left the hotel and found myself back on their doorway . My dad opened the door and look concerned , " Honey , are you okay ? " I found myself smiling ear to ear , " I have been robbed of too much time from you all . I want to move in and make the most of the new memories we can make . If that 's okay with you guys . " I giggled and my mom appeared next to me , so I chose that moment to address them both , " Guys , I know you 've been confused as to what to call me , because to you I 'm Sabrina , and to me , I 've been Lauryn for the last 18 years that I can remember , but I want to put Lauryn in the past . From now on I am Sabrina Daisy Quinn . " My mom 's eyes filled with tears and we hugged again , my dad encircling the both of us . He laughed , and he showed me the basics . We were both in the heat of competitive driving while Mom made a delicious smelling dinner . Dad settled on the couch with his paper . Ethan shook his head in defeat when were done , and we gathered at the table for dinner . My dad broke up the monotonous sounds of the silverware scraping the plates , " So , Sabrina , if you don 't have any plans this weekend , your mother and I thought we 'd celebrate your return by having a family day at the Sunny Seashell Spa . We own a cabana there part time . " I nodded , thinking that it sounded perfect . The rest of the week flew by in anticipation of our day at the spa . My mom and I both got deep - tissue massages and pedicures while the guys lounged by the pool . We met up by the pool in the afternoon . My dad and I relaxing on the loungers , while Ethan and my mom swam around . I was deep into a book when I heard a " COWABUNGA ! ! " With a huge splash , Ethan dove into the pool , smiling impishly when he resurfaced . I splashed him in annoyance , but I couldn 't help but smile . I got out and dried off , while trying to salvage my book . As I was walking back towards the locked room , something , or rather someone , nearly bowled me over , sending me to the floor . I ducked my head in embarrassment , dazed , but alright . I took the hand offered to help me up , a rich warm voice apologizing , " Oh man , I 'm so sorry . Are you okay ? Oh crap , you 're bleeding . " I looked down at my knee , " Oh yeah , I guess so . " I looked up at him , and did a double - take , " You - you 're Nikolai Cruz …… " He shrugged , " Yeah , but I 'm also the guy who just knocked over a beautiful young lady . " I blushed but couldn 't manage to find my words . I was standing in front of Nikolai Cruz , world - renowned singer , famous for the hit song , " You 've Got My Heart " . I stuttered before he gestured to my knee , " You should get that checked out …… . " I sputtered , " Oh , uh , I 'm Laur - I mean , I 'm Sabrina . " I laughed nervously but he tugged my arm and led me to the first aid station . He stood near me while the on - call nurse cleaned my leg and put a bandage on it . I thanked her before turning to Nikolai , " Mr . Cruz , you really didn 't have to stay . I 'm really alright . I 'm sorry to take up your time . " He laughed before kissing my hand , " Please , call me Nikolai , and why don 't you make it up to me by having dinner with me next weekend ? " I blushed , completely nervous , but I found myself agreeing …… . . I groaned inwardly before peeking out from under the blankets , " I dunno . " I rolled my eyes and ducked back under . I 'd been recovering in a domestic violence shelter , and they had put me up in an apartment with a roommate , Stella . The covers were yanked off of my bed , and I shivered in the cold air , " Come on , it 's 7 in the morning , let me sleep . " I sat up in bed before looking her dead in the eyes , " Don 't pretend you know me , okay , " I lifted up my shirt and showed her my still - healing scar , " I 've been through hell . My boyfriend shot me and killed our unborn baby in the process , while getting himself shot by the police . I have nobody , okay ? " I was crying now , the sobs leaving me unable to speak . Stella stood up abruptly and I heard her bustling around in the kitchen . Begrudgingly , I made my way into the kitchen and sat at our table . The first bite into my waffles reminded just how long it had been since I had eaten a " meal " . I stared down at my plate before apologizing , " Uh , I 'm sorry if I was rude . It 's been a rough month . " Stella put her hand on my arm , " Don 't apologize . I 'm sorry if I was too pushy , I was a lot like you when I first got here . I just care aggressively , at least that 's what my therapist says . I have been here almost 9 months , and I promise you , it does get better . " I smiled until I realized I was crying again , before I whispered my thanks . Stella stood up abruptly , " Well , I gotta get to work . Maybe try getting outside today ? Fresh air makes all the difference , when I get back we can binge watch some Simflix and eat all the chocolate we can . " I nodded and as fast as she talked , she was gone . I decided to take her advice and I tentatively headed to the park . I brought one of the books I had bought to read to Christopher , and clutched it close to my heart . The sun was shining bright , and I sat down on a bench , hoping no one noticed the still - healing bruises on my face . The sound of someone sitting next to me , made me pause in my reading , but before I say anything , or even look up , the stench of cheap booze filled my nose . I looked up to meet the steely gaze of my mother , my very drunk mother . I thought of all the horrible things that my mother had done to me and to herself , I nearly hated her for them , but I still could not , in any good conscience , leave her to find her way home . I pulled her arm until she sat down next to me , " Ma , let me take you home . How did you get here ? " I stood up , pulling her along , " You 're in condition to drive home , Ma . I 'll take you . She huffed about it all the way to the car . Once inside the car , she began pestering me with more and more painful questions , so I finally interrupted her , " Y ' know , Ma , you keep asking me about the father of my baby but in all of my 19 years you have not even mentioned my father . Not once . I think I 've waited long enough . " I had made a point of asking her when I was younger , but she always shut me down . I hoped maybe the alcohol in her might make her forget those walls . She looked at me with sad eyes , " I loved your father very much . He was a charmer . His big blue eyes crinkled when he laughed . " She looked at me and pulled at me for a hug . I tried not to stiffen , but she began to talk , " Oh , Lauryn , I 've done something so very , very bad . Something awful . I can 't tell you . " She nodded soberly , " Okay , but you can 't be upset , " she waited for me to nod before going on , " When I was sixteen , I fell in love with the star quarterback of the football team . Cliche , I know , but it was true . He didn 't notice me until a year after he graduated . We had one night of passion , and I ended up pregnant . " My mother bit her lip , " No , I was pregnant with your sister , but I miscarried in my 5th month . " My eyes grew wide , but I remained silent as she continued , " Anyways , I never told him about the pregnancy or the miscarriage , but I kept track of him as he moved on from college to his career . In fact , I ended up working for him and his wife as their housekeeper . " I stared at her , trying to reconcile what she was saying to the woman I had grown up with . I started to say something but she waved me off , " Let me finish , your father never so much as looked at me after our one shared night , but when he and his wife brought home their perfect baby girl , I was so jealous . I still loved him , and in my mind he was mine . I know this sounds crazy , but it 's how I felt at the time , okay ? I was given the care of their child while they went on with work and such , " She broke down into tears again , " One day , I realized that I might possibly love this child more than her own mother . She was so perfect , and tiny . She smiled whenever I entered the room , and cried when I left at the end of the day . " I nodded , trying get her to the point , " So after I came to that realization , the next day , I waited until they left for work and …… I took that little girl home with me , and we ran away together . I changed hers and my name . Her name was / is Lauryn . " She dropped that little bomb into my lap while I stared at her , my eyes widening by the second . Finally my brain managed to put together a whole sentence , " You mean to tell me that my mom is not my mom , but just some crazy woman who thought I was her daughter ? Wait a minute … . wait … a … . minute … . " She opened her mouth but I whisper yelled , " What 's his name ? " My mom look confused , so I chose to scream , " What is my father 's name ! " I turned and yelled at her , " I don 't care ! I 've taken so much crap from you because I thought it was my fault that you didn 't love , or because it was something that I did . You treated me like I was the problem . Every time you came home drunk , every time you brought home a new man , every time you slapped me , or called me an ungrateful whore , I still loved you , because I thought I was your daughter and that it was my job to care for you , but i was wrong , okay ? I have been caring for someone who has been trying to drink away her regrets , but now , I 'm done . If you weren 't drunk I 'd be the one to leave , but I don 't want yo to kill anyone by drunk driving , so please …… . . get out . When you 've sobered up , call me , and I 'll bring the car back . " After she stumbled out of the car , I sped off , making it home before bursting into tears . My heart ached for someone to talk to . I crawled into bed , back where I started this morning . The sun hurt my eyes when it came through the window . Stella had left some pancakes on the counter for me , but I was in no mood for eating . I got dressed before walking down the street to the library . The computer was open , so I made a beeline for it . I didn 't even know where to begin , so I pulled up my mother 's , excuse me , Maria 's , high school alumni page . I scrolled through it until I found the right yearbook . Smack dab on the cover was the quarterback , my father . I clicked on his picture , and it led me directly to his profile . I wrote down the current address and was out the door in seconds . Several hours later , one long cab ride , one short ferry ride , and one stop on the bus , I stood on his street . I took a deep breath and forced my feet to walk forward . His house was at the end of the street , and as I neared , I could make out two figures on the lawn . It was him , and his son playing catch . I have a brother ! Once within walking distance , I cleared my throat , trying to get his attention . He turned to me and I approached , " Um , hi , are you Walter Quinn ? " He nodded his head , searching me for some sign of recognition , " I am . How can I help you ? " I shrugged my shoulders , " Well , this is going to sound weird , but I think I 'm your daughter … . " A wide grin split his face before he motioned to his son , " Ethan , go get your mom ! " The blonde teenager shot into the house as I found myself being wrapped p into a hug , " Oh Sabrina , we knew you would come back to us . " Before I could correct him on my name , an older carbon copy of me stepped out the front door . Once we made I contact , she dropped the mug in her hand and rushed toward me . I was pulled into her arms as she began sobbing . I was crying too , not sure how I had made it here . I had gone from being all alone in the world , to suddenly having these stranger become my family . I clutched my mom tighter , sending us both into a fit of tears again . Somehow , everything was going to turn out all right . |
" Okay , let 's hang the balloons up there , Ethan , " I ordered before turning to my mom , " and the cake can go in the kitchen for now . " We spent the morning preparing for the baby shower , since Julia was due in three weeks . I smoothed my skirt and pulled Julia into the nursery , " Hey , are you doing alright ? You 've been pretty quiet today . " I nodded , " Okay , but feel free to put your feet up on the bed if you need to . " She started to walk away until I held her hand . I smiled , and tried not to get teary as I put my hand on her belly , " I just want to say thank you for this precious gift . I promise to take great care of it . However , after the baby is born , if you change your mind about raising it , I will do nothing but support you , alright ? " She held my hand , before nodding tearily . I led her to the bed and helped her put her feet up . I went back to decorating for a little bit until Julia started whimpering in her sleep . I rushed over to her , careful not to wake her and felt her stomach … . it was hard as a rock . I kept my hand steady on the curve of her belly until the tension relaxed . I kept my hand steady on her stomach while I grabbed my phone . I changed it to the timer and started the timer until her stomach grew hard again . Once again , she began whimpering , so I gently shook her shoulder . Julia cried out in pain , and I put an arm on her shoulders , " Jules , listen , I think you 've gone into labor , so we 're going to take you to the hospital okay ? " We loaded up the careful , and I could only thank Julia for her timing . My dad stayed back to let the guests know what was happening as they arrive . My mother navigated while Ethan drove us , and I was in the backseat with Julia , coaching her through the next contraction . By the time we got to the hospital , Julia had gone through three contractions . Once we were all settled in the room , Julia spoke up , " Thank you guys for coming , m but I really just want Sabrina in here . Ethan can you call my mom and let her know where we are ? " Ethan nodded before walking out , and my mom placed my hand on my shoulder , before heading out the same door . For three hours , Julia labored on her own , we walked the halls , and used the birthing ball until it grew bad enough to warrant an epidural . She sits on the bed and I hold her hand while they do the injection . She fell asleep shortly after that , since it was now almost midnight . I follow suit , but I don 't sleep long because pretty soon , Julia felt the urge to push . I stood next to her , holding her hand as she squeezed mine tighter and tighter . I kissed her forehead , " Hon , you are so brave . You 're doing great . We 're almost there . " She cried out as another contraction came , but her voice was frantic , " Doctor , something 's not right ! I can feel it , please help my baby . " He ordered the nurses to monitor the baby , before strapping her down , " Tell them to get the OR ready , we 're coming in . " They all began to rush her out the door , and I felt invisible as I tried to get someone to tell me what was happening , " That 's my baby in there , what 's going on ? " Luckily , a nurse heard , " The baby 's heart rate is erratic , we need to get her out of there as fast as possible . " Before I could ask any more questions , I was ushered into the hallway , . I chased after the team rolling Julia down the hall , " I 'll be right out here for you , Jules . Be brave , honey . " I leaned against the wall and burst into sobs . As I was crying , I strained my ears for the sound of my baby 's cry , but none came . The agony was killing me , and I slumped to the floor from exhaustion until I heard a familiar comforting voice , " Sabrina ? What are you doing here ? " I looked up and was so glad to see Justin that I forgot where I was for a minute . I stood up and smiled at him , but the minute he wrapped his arms around me , I broke down into intense sobs . He held me tight , " Hey , hey … what 's wrong ? C ' mere , " he led me to a group of chairs down the hall . I wiped my tears as I sat down and faced him , " I 'm sorry . I didn 't mean to literally cry on your shoulder . " He laughed softly , " It 's okay , Sabs . What 's going on ? " I tried not to tear up as I explained about Julia and the baby before asking him , " What are you doing in the Maternity Ward ? He laughed , " My sister just had a baby boy , so I came to visit with her . " Before I could say anything , the doctor came out of the operating room , " Miss Quinn ? " I stood up , " Yes ? " He smiled kindly , " Would you like to come and meet your daughter ? " I looked back at Justin , " I 'll call you later , okay ? " He smiled wide , " I 'd really like that , Sabrina Quinn . " The doctor led me through the doors , and into a private room . Julia lay asleep in the bed and a small bassinet next to her . My eyes filled over as I stood next to her . I held her tiny hand , before I was brave enough to pick her . Gingerly , I sat down on the chair next to the bed . I whispered , " You sure gave Mommy a scare , didn 't you sweet - pea ? " I began to hum a lullabye until we were both sleepy . Fearing I would drop her , I laid her back in the bassinet . I leaned back in the chair , my finger grasped firmly in her hand and mumbled as I dozed off , " I love you , Esther Pearl Quinn … . . " Posted on June 15 , 2017June 15 , 2017Categories drama , fiction , Sims 3 , UncategorizedTags babies , drama , family , generation 1 , Hernandez , legacy , pregnancy , Quinn , Sims 3 , sims 3 story , sims3 , sims3story3 Comments on 1 . 15 Unexpected Arrival 1 . 14 The Master Plan ~ A . N ~ I realize I made a really silly mistake . I named Ethan 's girlfriend Quinn , and I completely spaced on the fact this was the Quinn legacy . Big Whoops . . So from here on out I have changed Quinn 's name in the story to Julia So I hope it 's not too confusing … My apologies XD After meeting with Julia , I did as I had promised , I spent the weekend trying to think through their situation and see if I could come up with a solution . Sunday night came , and I pulled Ethan aside , " Bud , it 's time to talk to Mom and Dad . I have a plan , but we need to talk it out as family . Why don 't you call Julia and see if she can come over for dinner . We cam talk over dinner . " If I was a violent person , I would 've smacked him upside the head , " Of course they need to know ! " I dropped my voice to a whisper , " This is your baby , their grandchild . You need to tell them what happened . " Ethan nodded slowly before walking away , pulling out his cell phone . I headed back into my room , to begin preparing for tonight . Before I was ready , evening came and Julia knocked on the door . As my father got up to answer the door , Ethan jumped up , " That 's my friend , Julia , from school . She 's going to have dinner with us tonight , but before you answer that door , you need to know , she 's 8 months pregnant . So please , please , just be cool . " My dad nodded , a serious look overcoming his face , and motioned for Ethan to answer the door . Ethan opened the door , " Hey Julia , thanks for coming . " He led her inside and she turned to our parents , " Thank you for having me over , especially so last minute , I appreciate it . " I stepped in and gave her a hug , " No , thank you for coming over , " I turned and motioned to everyone , " Why don 't we all take a seat in the living room . " My parents nodded , but you could tell the wheels were spinning in their heads . They glanced from each other to Julia 's prominent stomach . We all sat down and I put my hand on Ethan 's shoulder , " Mom , Dad , Ethan has something to tell you guys . " Ethan nodded slowly , taking Julia by the hand , " Uh , I 'm sure you can guess what I 'm about to tell you … . Julia isn 't just my friend from school . We dated at the beginning of the school year . She moved away , and a few weeks ago she moved back to town . That 's when I found out she was pregnant … with my baby . " My mom began to cry , and my Dad stood up and began to pace . I sat up and tried to be a voice of reason but Julia stood up , " Look , this is all my fault . Ethan is just trying to help . " I leaned next to my mom , " Julia has asked me to help her find a solution to their situation , because she doesn 't feel like she 's ready to raise this baby . I have thought of many options , and if Ethan 's agreeable . I would like to adopt their baby . " Ethan looked thoughtfully at Julia before turning back to me , " If that 's what Julia wants , I 'm happy to oblige . Obviously , I 'd still like to be a part of this baby 's life , but maybe more as Uncle Ethan , than Daddy . " Julia threw her arms around him , sobbing her thanks onto his shoulder . My dad stopped pacing long enough to face me , " Are you ready to raise this baby , Sabrina ? You 've just gotten on with your life after the Raj debacle . You have a part - time job , and you still live at home . " I took a deep breath , trying not to get defensive . My dad meant well , and he was still in shock . I sat a little more forward on the couch , " You 're right , I might not be ready now for this baby , but I have an entire month to get ready . My job is minimum wage , but I searched all over Simslist this weekend and I found a couple jobs that seemed decent . Because I live at home , I 've had the chance to save everything I earned as a receptionist for the last two years . In my bank account , I have nearly $ 10 , 000 saved up . I 'll be going apartment hunting this week . I want to help , Dad and I know you 're concerned , but I 'm doing this with or without your support . " As I grew silent , my mother stood up , " We 'll support you , Sabrina . What you 're doing is a very thoughtful and a generous gift . Julia , are you okay with Sabrina 's plan ? " Julia turned towards me , tears streaming down her cheek , " Yes . I can 't imagine a kinder person to raise this baby . I 'm sure my mom will be agreeable to this if she 's allowed to have contact with the baby ; but even if she 's not okay with this plan , this is what I want to do . " We hugged , and the rest of the evening was a little awkward but it went on without any issues . The next morning , I set out on an apartment hunt , barely containing my excitement . I nearly floated from place to place , not even bothered by the fact that I was walking around town in the dead of summer . After a week of apartment hunting and job interviews , luck had turned my way . I managed to score a sweet summer deal on a new apartment across town . It would be a 20 minute drive to my parents , but I was so ecstatic with this place I didn 't even care . The minute I paid for and signed the year - long lease , I began to cry and my new landlord just stared at me like I was crazy . He didn 't understand ! This was the first time in my life that I was actually independent . I didn 't have to ask someone for money to buy clothes , no more using my parents ' money to go grocery shopping . This was it , I was a grown up ! Filled with newfound sense of independence , I spent that week moving in , and when it was all finished , I had everyone over for the big reveal , Julia included . My mom had tears in her eyes as she hugged me , " Hon , I am so proud of you . There is not a minute that goes by that I don 't regret not being able to celebrate life 's milestones with you , but today , I 'm glad to be standing here with you . You 're going to be a wonderful mother , " she kissed my forehead , but we were both bawling at this point , " I 'm only a phone call away if you need anything , okay Sabrina ? " I nodded through my tears and we joined the everyone in the small living area . After everyone left that evening , I looked around at my little apartment . It wasn 't much , but it was mine , and I couldn 't have been happier . I fell fast asleep that night , fully embracing my newfound independence . I take a long sip of my coffee as I gaze over the ocean . Every day , I 'm flabbergasted by the view from our deck . I wait by the phone for the weekly call from Raj . Ever since the incident last month , we checked in with each other weekly . My phone rang , not 5 minutes later , Raj 's voice filling my ears , " Morning , pal " We talked about the random things in our life , until we were getting ready to end the call . His voice grew serious , He laughed , " Don 't worry about me , I 'm getting a fresh start with a cousin in Bridgeport . I 'll keep in touch , but you need to be able to move on and start your life . I appreciate every thing you have done for me , more than you can know , but I 'm holding you back . You 're a great woman Sabrina , and I will always love you . " He hung up the phone shortly thereafter , leaving me in a peaceful silence . Instead of feeling sad , or hurt like I expected , I felt …… . relieved . I could finally get on with my life . I stumbled into the house , accidentally slamming the door behind me . I threw my backpack on the ground , finally noticing my sister in the corner . She stood there watching me curiously , " What 's wrong , bud ? " I shrugged , before turning and heading into the kitchen . She didn 't let me get very far . She practically dragged me into her room and pushed me into the chair , " Seriously , Ethan , what 's wrong . You haven 't been yourself lately and now you 're skipping school ? " My head hung low , I surprised myself by breaking into huge gasping sobs . When I could finally speak , I raised my head and met her eyes , " Back at the beginning of the school year , I met this really awesome girl , Quinn . We were together for a little while , but she moved back in with her Dad in Twinbrook over the winter break . " Sabrina cocked her head at me , but I wasn 't finished , " Well a week ago , she moved back in with her mom , because … she 's pregnant . Like really pregnant , Sabs . " I ran over and gave her a hug , feeling like a lost little kid . I whispered , " Thank you . I 'm so glad you 're my sister . " 3 days after talking with my brother , I made plans to meet with Quinn at the local cafe in town . Ethan had plans to meet up with us later , but I thought it best to start off with just the two of us girls . A little bit early , I grabbed a coffee and waited , my mind racing . I ran through every possible scenario , trying not to form any opinions before I met this girl . I took a deep breath , trying to not come across as judgmental . The bell chimed as the cafe door opened to show a young girl , very pregnant . I stood up and stretched out my hand , " You must be Quinn . I 'm Sabrina " Quinn stiffly took my hand , being very careful to keep her guard up , " Yes , I 'm Quinn . It 's nice to meet you . " Soon after , we were called to our table where our lunch was waiting . A pause filled the air as we both ate . When we were through with our meal , I began to slowly ask her some more questions , " So , do you know whether the baby is a boy or a girl ? " Quinn stood up angrily , leaning against the table " I can barely take care of myself , and my mother is always working . I don 't even get to see her on the weekends , she travels to Bridgeport to stay with her boyfriend . How am I supposed to raise a baby ? " She broke down into sobs , so I led her back to the private area where we had first met , . When she had gained her composure she whispered , " He found the pregnancy test I took before I had the chance to tell him . He let me stay with him until the end of the school year , and then he kicked me out , so here I am . I grabbed her hand , " I don 't know how I can help you , Quinn , but that doesn 't mean I won 't . I 'll give you and Ethan some time to catch up , and I 'll spend the weekend brainstorming . Together , we can work out a plan of action , okay ? " A . N ~ I 'm baaack … Thank you all for putting up with me . I know I 'm not the most consistent of writers , but I appreciate your loyalty . Without further ado … . the next chapter is ready ! I sat up , " Oh , I 'm so sorry , Justin . I 'm not bored , I promise . Just tired . This must be the worst date you 've ever been on . I promise I 'm not usually so boring . " Justin waved me off , " Don 't even worry about it . On my wife and I 's second date , she sneezed right into my mouth as I kissed her for the first time . It was pretty gross . " I laughed softly before falling quiet , and he did the same before saying , " I made this awkward , huh ? By talking about my dead wife on the first date . I guess we 're both excellent at dating , right ? " He laid back against the sand but turned to look at me , " When I first saw her , she had the most amazing smile . You could be having the worst day of your life , but the moment you saw her , all your troubles would melt away . We met at our college orientation . She was leading the freshman group I was in . It wasn 't until the spring semester that I worked up the nerve to ask her out . Three years later , she became my wife . " He leaned in close , lingering dangerously near my face , " Sabrina , I 'd very much like to kiss you right now . " I nodded slowly before his lips met mine . With a passion and tenderness I 'd never felt before , Justin 's kiss sent my spine tingling . I 'll be honest , it was not a short kiss and when I pulled away , I couldn 't stop smiling . For a while , we just sat next to each other , watching the sunset across the ocean . When it was time to pack up , Justin helped me to my car before leaning in to kiss me one more time . He grinned mischievously at me before opening the door for me , " Wanna join Cassidy and I for dinner on Sunday ? " I smiled warmly , " Sure , but only if you agree to have dinner with me and my family on the following Sunday . " He laughed , " It 's a deal , Sabs . " We parted with the promise of next weekend in the air . My spirits were high as I parked the car in the garage and made the short walk to the house . All of a sudden , chills ran down my spine as I spotted a figure standing at the top of the driveway . They were far enough away that I couldn 't see who it was , but I wasn 't about to let them know that . I bolted for the front door , but the voice stopped me in my tracks , " Wait , Lauryn . Don 't go . " I whipped around and began to tremble , " Raj ? " , before I walked closer to the hidden figure . He shrugged , looking completely different . Instead of his fancy suits , he wore some ratty old sweatpants and a t shirt . His face wasn 't as clean as I 'd remembered . I whispered , " I must be dreaming , right ? " I surprised myself by throwing my arms around him , " I though you had died ! I 'm so happy that you 're alive ! Why did they say you were dead ? " He hung his head , " Lauryn , I am so ashamed of the way I treated you . I had no right to smack you around or bully you . Hell ! I shot you , Lauryn ! I wish I could blame it on the alcohol , but I 'm really just an asshole with a drinking problem . " He closed his eyes and started bawling , " I 'm so sorry . I woke up in the hospital , and I begged the doctor to tell you I was dead . I told him you were better off if I was dead . Once I was well enough to go home , I was arrested for battering you , and I spent 6 months in Sunset Valley Correctional Facility . You 're probably wondering why I 'm here now , and why I 'm telling you this . " I nodded softly before he continued , " I 'm 2 years sober now , and I go to meetings every day . Part of the reason I 'm here is because one of the twelve steps is to make amends , and I just wanted you to know how truly sorry I am , Lauryn . " I took his hands in mine , " So much has happened in the 2 years that we 've been apart . First things first , I found out that I was kidnapped by our family 's housekeeper and my name is Sabrina . " I laughed at the shocked look on his face , " I know , imagine how I felt . " He grew serious , " I know that I have no right to ask this , but did the baby survive ? " My eyes filled with tears , and I shook my head , " No . He died before I made it to the hospital . " Raj started crying again , " It was a boy ? " I nodded before wiping my own tears away , this was too much . Emotionally , and physically , " Raj , I 'm glad you 're okay , but I think it 's time you left . I need some space to process this , and I think you do too . " He nodded understandingly , " Laur - . . umm Sabrina ? Here 's my new number , in case you need anything . " He handed me his card , and walked off down the road . I growled in frustration as my phone buzzed for the billionth time . I hardly glanced down , knowing it would be from Nicolai , but not really caring anymore . You 'd think he would have gotten the hint after 20 unanswered voicemails and three times that in unanswered texts and emails . It had been cute at first , but it soon began to annoy me to no end . Just as I was about to turn off my phone , it began to ring , I groaned but was presently surprised to see Justin 's name pop up . We had grown to be close friends after our skating encounter in the park , I answered happily , " Hello ? " With shrieks of joy in the background , Justin 's panicked tone reached me , " Hey , Sabrina . I need your help . There are 6 little girls at my house and I have absolutely no idea what to do with them . " I smiled , " I think I know just the thing . It ; s going to be a hot one later today , so sprinklers on in the yard are always fun . Let 's see …… I got it ! I 'll come drop off my old makeup stuff and they can mess around with it and give each other makeovers . Until I get there , why don 't you pop some popcorn and let your daughter pick out a movie and they can pretend they 're at the movies . " In record time , I grabbed my makeup , picked up the pizza and was on my way to Justin 's house . I yelled angrily as someone shot out in front of my car . I slammed on the brakes , and barely stopped in time . The guy turned to face me , and I saw his face light up … Nicolai … He blocked me as I tried to drive off , knowing I couldn 't go around him due to oncoming traffic . He tapped on my window and I nearly growled at him , " What do you want , Nicolai ? " He grinned at me , " Baby , I miss you . Why won 't you answer me ? " I snapped at him , " Your pouty baby voice is not cute , Nicolai , it just shows you for the spoiled rotten , elf - centered , celebrity that you are . Now please take a hint and leave me alone ! " He opened his mouth to pleaded with me , but I pressed the horn until he turned and walked away . As soon as he was gone , I sped off towards Justin 's house , trying to put the whole thing behind me . When I left later that evening , Justin walked me out to my car , even though I insisted I was fine . We got closer to my car , only to see that my window had been smashed by a rock with a note attached . You 'll be sorry , it read . Justing grabbed my hand and pulled me away , " What 's that about , Sabrina ? Is someone bothering you ? " He snorted indignantly , " Like hell you will , Sabrina ! He threw a rock and broke your window . Something tells me he might be serious about this , okay ? Just let me give you a ride home . It 'll help me sleep better tonight . " He nodded , " Well then I guess I 'll have 7 ladies sleeping over tonight . " I blushed furiously , thankful for the darkness that hid my face . I acquiesced and followed him into the house . He led me to the second guest room before showing me where the bathroom was . I thanked him shyly before flopping down onto the bed . I texted my mom to let her know where I was before falling into a fitful sleep . I was awoken in the morning by six tiny giggles and six loud thumps outside the door . Justin knocked softly , waiting for my reply before poking his head in the door , " Hey , I hate to make you sneak out , but I 'd rather not have these girls telling their parents that I had a lady friend over while they were here , plus Cassidy might get the wrong idea . I have never had anyone else spend the night ever since … . " He whispered his thanks before closing the door . I sat on the bed , wondering why there was this hurt feeling in my stomach . It 's not like we were together , and it 's not like I was sneaking out after a one - night stand type of thing . Why did it feel like he was so embarrassed by me ? I shook my head , trying to remind myself that this wasn 't about me at all . Sabs , Thank you for making the slumber party so amazing for Cassidy . You really saved my ass back there and I really appreciate it . I 'd like to make it up to you sometime , maybe over coffee ? Text me when you get home , and we can set a date . Thanks again , Justin I have a mom , a real mom , one who loves me and bakes cookies and made scrapbooks of my first year . I sat on the couch in disbelief , my parents sitting across from me , hardly containing their excitement . I nodded my head as they made light conversation , why I was so numb inside . Shouldn 't I be just as excited as they were ? I shook my head slightly , and refocused on the conversation . She trailed off as she pushed open the door . I took in the sights and smells of a beautiful nursery … . my nursery . I started crying as memories of Christopher 's nursery plans filled my head . She held me tight until I stopped trembling . I soaked up the comfort , not used to having a mother who actually took care of me . She sighed , " So , how would like your room to look ? " I looked at her quizzically before she laughed , " What I 'm trying to say , is that our door is open if you want to stay a night every now and then , or even come live with us . But we know that that 's a big adjustment , so however you want to work it . " We parted ways that night , as I headed for the hotel they insisted on putting me up in . I laid on the bed , big tears rolling down my face . I had so many emotions swirling around but the more I learned about them , the more I hated my mom , ugh … I mean my kidnapper . I called her after I had finished crying , and left her a voicemail , saying she could find her car at the nearest impound . I hung up and took a much - needed soak in the tub . I flipped through the baby book that Vanessa , my mom , had sent with me . I traced my face in the picture , jealous of how happy she looked . I was determined to be that happy again . I packed my bag , left the hotel and found myself back on their doorway . My dad opened the door and look concerned , " Honey , are you okay ? " I found myself smiling ear to ear , " I have been robbed of too much time from you all . I want to move in and make the most of the new memories we can make . If that 's okay with you guys . " I giggled and my mom appeared next to me , so I chose that moment to address them both , " Guys , I know you 've been confused as to what to call me , because to you I 'm Sabrina , and to me , I 've been Lauryn for the last 18 years that I can remember , but I want to put Lauryn in the past . From now on I am Sabrina Daisy Quinn . " My mom 's eyes filled with tears and we hugged again , my dad encircling the both of us . He laughed , and he showed me the basics . We were both in the heat of competitive driving while Mom made a delicious smelling dinner . Dad settled on the couch with his paper . Ethan shook his head in defeat when were done , and we gathered at the table for dinner . My dad broke up the monotonous sounds of the silverware scraping the plates , " So , Sabrina , if you don 't have any plans this weekend , your mother and I thought we 'd celebrate your return by having a family day at the Sunny Seashell Spa . We own a cabana there part time . " I nodded , thinking that it sounded perfect . The rest of the week flew by in anticipation of our day at the spa . My mom and I both got deep - tissue massages and pedicures while the guys lounged by the pool . We met up by the pool in the afternoon . My dad and I relaxing on the loungers , while Ethan and my mom swam around . I was deep into a book when I heard a " COWABUNGA ! ! " With a huge splash , Ethan dove into the pool , smiling impishly when he resurfaced . I splashed him in annoyance , but I couldn 't help but smile . I got out and dried off , while trying to salvage my book . As I was walking back towards the locked room , something , or rather someone , nearly bowled me over , sending me to the floor . I ducked my head in embarrassment , dazed , but alright . I took the hand offered to help me up , a rich warm voice apologizing , " Oh man , I 'm so sorry . Are you okay ? Oh crap , you 're bleeding . " I looked down at my knee , " Oh yeah , I guess so . " I looked up at him , and did a double - take , " You - you 're Nikolai Cruz …… " He shrugged , " Yeah , but I 'm also the guy who just knocked over a beautiful young lady . " I blushed but couldn 't manage to find my words . I was standing in front of Nikolai Cruz , world - renowned singer , famous for the hit song , " You 've Got My Heart " . I stuttered before he gestured to my knee , " You should get that checked out …… . " I sputtered , " Oh , uh , I 'm Laur - I mean , I 'm Sabrina . " I laughed nervously but he tugged my arm and led me to the first aid station . He stood near me while the on - call nurse cleaned my leg and put a bandage on it . I thanked her before turning to Nikolai , " Mr . Cruz , you really didn 't have to stay . I 'm really alright . I 'm sorry to take up your time . " He laughed before kissing my hand , " Please , call me Nikolai , and why don 't you make it up to me by having dinner with me next weekend ? " I blushed , completely nervous , but I found myself agreeing …… . . I groaned inwardly before peeking out from under the blankets , " I dunno . " I rolled my eyes and ducked back under . I 'd been recovering in a domestic violence shelter , and they had put me up in an apartment with a roommate , Stella . The covers were yanked off of my bed , and I shivered in the cold air , " Come on , it 's 7 in the morning , let me sleep . " I sat up in bed before looking her dead in the eyes , " Don 't pretend you know me , okay , " I lifted up my shirt and showed her my still - healing scar , " I 've been through hell . My boyfriend shot me and killed our unborn baby in the process , while getting himself shot by the police . I have nobody , okay ? " I was crying now , the sobs leaving me unable to speak . Stella stood up abruptly and I heard her bustling around in the kitchen . Begrudgingly , I made my way into the kitchen and sat at our table . The first bite into my waffles reminded just how long it had been since I had eaten a " meal " . I stared down at my plate before apologizing , " Uh , I 'm sorry if I was rude . It 's been a rough month . " Stella put her hand on my arm , " Don 't apologize . I 'm sorry if I was too pushy , I was a lot like you when I first got here . I just care aggressively , at least that 's what my therapist says . I have been here almost 9 months , and I promise you , it does get better . " I smiled until I realized I was crying again , before I whispered my thanks . Stella stood up abruptly , " Well , I gotta get to work . Maybe try getting outside today ? Fresh air makes all the difference , when I get back we can binge watch some Simflix and eat all the chocolate we can . " I nodded and as fast as she talked , she was gone . I decided to take her advice and I tentatively headed to the park . I brought one of the books I had bought to read to Christopher , and clutched it close to my heart . The sun was shining bright , and I sat down on a bench , hoping no one noticed the still - healing bruises on my face . The sound of someone sitting next to me , made me pause in my reading , but before I say anything , or even look up , the stench of cheap booze filled my nose . I looked up to meet the steely gaze of my mother , my very drunk mother . I thought of all the horrible things that my mother had done to me and to herself , I nearly hated her for them , but I still could not , in any good conscience , leave her to find her way home . I pulled her arm until she sat down next to me , " Ma , let me take you home . How did you get here ? " I stood up , pulling her along , " You 're in condition to drive home , Ma . I 'll take you . She huffed about it all the way to the car . Once inside the car , she began pestering me with more and more painful questions , so I finally interrupted her , " Y ' know , Ma , you keep asking me about the father of my baby but in all of my 19 years you have not even mentioned my father . Not once . I think I 've waited long enough . " I had made a point of asking her when I was younger , but she always shut me down . I hoped maybe the alcohol in her might make her forget those walls . She looked at me with sad eyes , " I loved your father very much . He was a charmer . His big blue eyes crinkled when he laughed . " She looked at me and pulled at me for a hug . I tried not to stiffen , but she began to talk , " Oh , Lauryn , I 've done something so very , very bad . Something awful . I can 't tell you . " She nodded soberly , " Okay , but you can 't be upset , " she waited for me to nod before going on , " When I was sixteen , I fell in love with the star quarterback of the football team . Cliche , I know , but it was true . He didn 't notice me until a year after he graduated . We had one night of passion , and I ended up pregnant . " My mother bit her lip , " No , I was pregnant with your sister , but I miscarried in my 5th month . " My eyes grew wide , but I remained silent as she continued , " Anyways , I never told him about the pregnancy or the miscarriage , but I kept track of him as he moved on from college to his career . In fact , I ended up working for him and his wife as their housekeeper . " I stared at her , trying to reconcile what she was saying to the woman I had grown up with . I started to say something but she waved me off , " Let me finish , your father never so much as looked at me after our one shared night , but when he and his wife brought home their perfect baby girl , I was so jealous . I still loved him , and in my mind he was mine . I know this sounds crazy , but it 's how I felt at the time , okay ? I was given the care of their child while they went on with work and such , " She broke down into tears again , " One day , I realized that I might possibly love this child more than her own mother . She was so perfect , and tiny . She smiled whenever I entered the room , and cried when I left at the end of the day . " I nodded , trying get her to the point , " So after I came to that realization , the next day , I waited until they left for work and …… I took that little girl home with me , and we ran away together . I changed hers and my name . Her name was / is Lauryn . " She dropped that little bomb into my lap while I stared at her , my eyes widening by the second . Finally my brain managed to put together a whole sentence , " You mean to tell me that my mom is not my mom , but just some crazy woman who thought I was her daughter ? Wait a minute … . wait … a … . minute … . " She opened her mouth but I whisper yelled , " What 's his name ? " My mom look confused , so I chose to scream , " What is my father 's name ! " I turned and yelled at her , " I don 't care ! I 've taken so much crap from you because I thought it was my fault that you didn 't love , or because it was something that I did . You treated me like I was the problem . Every time you came home drunk , every time you brought home a new man , every time you slapped me , or called me an ungrateful whore , I still loved you , because I thought I was your daughter and that it was my job to care for you , but i was wrong , okay ? I have been caring for someone who has been trying to drink away her regrets , but now , I 'm done . If you weren 't drunk I 'd be the one to leave , but I don 't want yo to kill anyone by drunk driving , so please …… . . get out . When you 've sobered up , call me , and I 'll bring the car back . " After she stumbled out of the car , I sped off , making it home before bursting into tears . My heart ached for someone to talk to . I crawled into bed , back where I started this morning . The sun hurt my eyes when it came through the window . Stella had left some pancakes on the counter for me , but I was in no mood for eating . I got dressed before walking down the street to the library . The computer was open , so I made a beeline for it . I didn 't even know where to begin , so I pulled up my mother 's , excuse me , Maria 's , high school alumni page . I scrolled through it until I found the right yearbook . Smack dab on the cover was the quarterback , my father . I clicked on his picture , and it led me directly to his profile . I wrote down the current address and was out the door in seconds . Several hours later , one long cab ride , one short ferry ride , and one stop on the bus , I stood on his street . I took a deep breath and forced my feet to walk forward . His house was at the end of the street , and as I neared , I could make out two figures on the lawn . It was him , and his son playing catch . I have a brother ! Once within walking distance , I cleared my throat , trying to get his attention . He turned to me and I approached , " Um , hi , are you Walter Quinn ? " He nodded his head , searching me for some sign of recognition , " I am . How can I help you ? " I shrugged my shoulders , " Well , this is going to sound weird , but I think I 'm your daughter … . " A wide grin split his face before he motioned to his son , " Ethan , go get your mom ! " The blonde teenager shot into the house as I found myself being wrapped p into a hug , " Oh Sabrina , we knew you would come back to us . " Before I could correct him on my name , an older carbon copy of me stepped out the front door . Once we made I contact , she dropped the mug in her hand and rushed toward me . I was pulled into her arms as she began sobbing . I was crying too , not sure how I had made it here . I had gone from being all alone in the world , to suddenly having these stranger become my family . I clutched my mom tighter , sending us both into a fit of tears again . Somehow , everything was going to turn out all right . |
" Okay , let 's hang the balloons up there , Ethan , " I ordered before turning to my mom , " and the cake can go in the kitchen for now . " We spent the morning preparing for the baby shower , since Julia was due in three weeks . I smoothed my skirt and pulled Julia into the nursery , " Hey , are you doing alright ? You 've been pretty quiet today . " I nodded , " Okay , but feel free to put your feet up on the bed if you need to . " She started to walk away until I held her hand . I smiled , and tried not to get teary as I put my hand on her belly , " I just want to say thank you for this precious gift . I promise to take great care of it . However , after the baby is born , if you change your mind about raising it , I will do nothing but support you , alright ? " She held my hand , before nodding tearily . I led her to the bed and helped her put her feet up . I went back to decorating for a little bit until Julia started whimpering in her sleep . I rushed over to her , careful not to wake her and felt her stomach … . it was hard as a rock . I kept my hand steady on the curve of her belly until the tension relaxed . I kept my hand steady on her stomach while I grabbed my phone . I changed it to the timer and started the timer until her stomach grew hard again . Once again , she began whimpering , so I gently shook her shoulder . Julia cried out in pain , and I put an arm on her shoulders , " Jules , listen , I think you 've gone into labor , so we 're going to take you to the hospital okay ? " We loaded up the careful , and I could only thank Julia for her timing . My dad stayed back to let the guests know what was happening as they arrive . My mother navigated while Ethan drove us , and I was in the backseat with Julia , coaching her through the next contraction . By the time we got to the hospital , Julia had gone through three contractions . Once we were all settled in the room , Julia spoke up , " Thank you guys for coming , m but I really just want Sabrina in here . Ethan can you call my mom and let her know where we are ? " Ethan nodded before walking out , and my mom placed my hand on my shoulder , before heading out the same door . For three hours , Julia labored on her own , we walked the halls , and used the birthing ball until it grew bad enough to warrant an epidural . She sits on the bed and I hold her hand while they do the injection . She fell asleep shortly after that , since it was now almost midnight . I follow suit , but I don 't sleep long because pretty soon , Julia felt the urge to push . I stood next to her , holding her hand as she squeezed mine tighter and tighter . I kissed her forehead , " Hon , you are so brave . You 're doing great . We 're almost there . " She cried out as another contraction came , but her voice was frantic , " Doctor , something 's not right ! I can feel it , please help my baby . " He ordered the nurses to monitor the baby , before strapping her down , " Tell them to get the OR ready , we 're coming in . " They all began to rush her out the door , and I felt invisible as I tried to get someone to tell me what was happening , " That 's my baby in there , what 's going on ? " Luckily , a nurse heard , " The baby 's heart rate is erratic , we need to get her out of there as fast as possible . " Before I could ask any more questions , I was ushered into the hallway , . I chased after the team rolling Julia down the hall , " I 'll be right out here for you , Jules . Be brave , honey . " I leaned against the wall and burst into sobs . As I was crying , I strained my ears for the sound of my baby 's cry , but none came . The agony was killing me , and I slumped to the floor from exhaustion until I heard a familiar comforting voice , " Sabrina ? What are you doing here ? " I looked up and was so glad to see Justin that I forgot where I was for a minute . I stood up and smiled at him , but the minute he wrapped his arms around me , I broke down into intense sobs . He held me tight , " Hey , hey … what 's wrong ? C ' mere , " he led me to a group of chairs down the hall . I wiped my tears as I sat down and faced him , " I 'm sorry . I didn 't mean to literally cry on your shoulder . " He laughed softly , " It 's okay , Sabs . What 's going on ? " I tried not to tear up as I explained about Julia and the baby before asking him , " What are you doing in the Maternity Ward ? He laughed , " My sister just had a baby boy , so I came to visit with her . " Before I could say anything , the doctor came out of the operating room , " Miss Quinn ? " I stood up , " Yes ? " He smiled kindly , " Would you like to come and meet your daughter ? " I looked back at Justin , " I 'll call you later , okay ? " He smiled wide , " I 'd really like that , Sabrina Quinn . " The doctor led me through the doors , and into a private room . Julia lay asleep in the bed and a small bassinet next to her . My eyes filled over as I stood next to her . I held her tiny hand , before I was brave enough to pick her . Gingerly , I sat down on the chair next to the bed . I whispered , " You sure gave Mommy a scare , didn 't you sweet - pea ? " I began to hum a lullabye until we were both sleepy . Fearing I would drop her , I laid her back in the bassinet . I leaned back in the chair , my finger grasped firmly in her hand and mumbled as I dozed off , " I love you , Esther Pearl Quinn … . . " Posted on June 15 , 2017June 15 , 2017Categories drama , fiction , Sims 3 , UncategorizedTags babies , drama , family , generation 1 , Hernandez , legacy , pregnancy , Quinn , Sims 3 , sims 3 story , sims3 , sims3story3 Comments on 1 . 15 Unexpected Arrival 1 . 14 The Master Plan ~ A . N ~ I realize I made a really silly mistake . I named Ethan 's girlfriend Quinn , and I completely spaced on the fact this was the Quinn legacy . Big Whoops . . So from here on out I have changed Quinn 's name in the story to Julia So I hope it 's not too confusing … My apologies XD After meeting with Julia , I did as I had promised , I spent the weekend trying to think through their situation and see if I could come up with a solution . Sunday night came , and I pulled Ethan aside , " Bud , it 's time to talk to Mom and Dad . I have a plan , but we need to talk it out as family . Why don 't you call Julia and see if she can come over for dinner . We cam talk over dinner . " If I was a violent person , I would 've smacked him upside the head , " Of course they need to know ! " I dropped my voice to a whisper , " This is your baby , their grandchild . You need to tell them what happened . " Ethan nodded slowly before walking away , pulling out his cell phone . I headed back into my room , to begin preparing for tonight . Before I was ready , evening came and Julia knocked on the door . As my father got up to answer the door , Ethan jumped up , " That 's my friend , Julia , from school . She 's going to have dinner with us tonight , but before you answer that door , you need to know , she 's 8 months pregnant . So please , please , just be cool . " My dad nodded , a serious look overcoming his face , and motioned for Ethan to answer the door . Ethan opened the door , " Hey Julia , thanks for coming . " He led her inside and she turned to our parents , " Thank you for having me over , especially so last minute , I appreciate it . " I stepped in and gave her a hug , " No , thank you for coming over , " I turned and motioned to everyone , " Why don 't we all take a seat in the living room . " My parents nodded , but you could tell the wheels were spinning in their heads . They glanced from each other to Julia 's prominent stomach . We all sat down and I put my hand on Ethan 's shoulder , " Mom , Dad , Ethan has something to tell you guys . " Ethan nodded slowly , taking Julia by the hand , " Uh , I 'm sure you can guess what I 'm about to tell you … . Julia isn 't just my friend from school . We dated at the beginning of the school year . She moved away , and a few weeks ago she moved back to town . That 's when I found out she was pregnant … with my baby . " My mom began to cry , and my Dad stood up and began to pace . I sat up and tried to be a voice of reason but Julia stood up , " Look , this is all my fault . Ethan is just trying to help . " I leaned next to my mom , " Julia has asked me to help her find a solution to their situation , because she doesn 't feel like she 's ready to raise this baby . I have thought of many options , and if Ethan 's agreeable . I would like to adopt their baby . " Ethan looked thoughtfully at Julia before turning back to me , " If that 's what Julia wants , I 'm happy to oblige . Obviously , I 'd still like to be a part of this baby 's life , but maybe more as Uncle Ethan , than Daddy . " Julia threw her arms around him , sobbing her thanks onto his shoulder . My dad stopped pacing long enough to face me , " Are you ready to raise this baby , Sabrina ? You 've just gotten on with your life after the Raj debacle . You have a part - time job , and you still live at home . " I took a deep breath , trying not to get defensive . My dad meant well , and he was still in shock . I sat a little more forward on the couch , " You 're right , I might not be ready now for this baby , but I have an entire month to get ready . My job is minimum wage , but I searched all over Simslist this weekend and I found a couple jobs that seemed decent . Because I live at home , I 've had the chance to save everything I earned as a receptionist for the last two years . In my bank account , I have nearly $ 10 , 000 saved up . I 'll be going apartment hunting this week . I want to help , Dad and I know you 're concerned , but I 'm doing this with or without your support . " As I grew silent , my mother stood up , " We 'll support you , Sabrina . What you 're doing is a very thoughtful and a generous gift . Julia , are you okay with Sabrina 's plan ? " Julia turned towards me , tears streaming down her cheek , " Yes . I can 't imagine a kinder person to raise this baby . I 'm sure my mom will be agreeable to this if she 's allowed to have contact with the baby ; but even if she 's not okay with this plan , this is what I want to do . " We hugged , and the rest of the evening was a little awkward but it went on without any issues . The next morning , I set out on an apartment hunt , barely containing my excitement . I nearly floated from place to place , not even bothered by the fact that I was walking around town in the dead of summer . After a week of apartment hunting and job interviews , luck had turned my way . I managed to score a sweet summer deal on a new apartment across town . It would be a 20 minute drive to my parents , but I was so ecstatic with this place I didn 't even care . The minute I paid for and signed the year - long lease , I began to cry and my new landlord just stared at me like I was crazy . He didn 't understand ! This was the first time in my life that I was actually independent . I didn 't have to ask someone for money to buy clothes , no more using my parents ' money to go grocery shopping . This was it , I was a grown up ! Filled with newfound sense of independence , I spent that week moving in , and when it was all finished , I had everyone over for the big reveal , Julia included . My mom had tears in her eyes as she hugged me , " Hon , I am so proud of you . There is not a minute that goes by that I don 't regret not being able to celebrate life 's milestones with you , but today , I 'm glad to be standing here with you . You 're going to be a wonderful mother , " she kissed my forehead , but we were both bawling at this point , " I 'm only a phone call away if you need anything , okay Sabrina ? " I nodded through my tears and we joined the everyone in the small living area . After everyone left that evening , I looked around at my little apartment . It wasn 't much , but it was mine , and I couldn 't have been happier . I fell fast asleep that night , fully embracing my newfound independence . I take a long sip of my coffee as I gaze over the ocean . Every day , I 'm flabbergasted by the view from our deck . I wait by the phone for the weekly call from Raj . Ever since the incident last month , we checked in with each other weekly . My phone rang , not 5 minutes later , Raj 's voice filling my ears , " Morning , pal " We talked about the random things in our life , until we were getting ready to end the call . His voice grew serious , He laughed , " Don 't worry about me , I 'm getting a fresh start with a cousin in Bridgeport . I 'll keep in touch , but you need to be able to move on and start your life . I appreciate every thing you have done for me , more than you can know , but I 'm holding you back . You 're a great woman Sabrina , and I will always love you . " He hung up the phone shortly thereafter , leaving me in a peaceful silence . Instead of feeling sad , or hurt like I expected , I felt …… . relieved . I could finally get on with my life . I stumbled into the house , accidentally slamming the door behind me . I threw my backpack on the ground , finally noticing my sister in the corner . She stood there watching me curiously , " What 's wrong , bud ? " I shrugged , before turning and heading into the kitchen . She didn 't let me get very far . She practically dragged me into her room and pushed me into the chair , " Seriously , Ethan , what 's wrong . You haven 't been yourself lately and now you 're skipping school ? " My head hung low , I surprised myself by breaking into huge gasping sobs . When I could finally speak , I raised my head and met her eyes , " Back at the beginning of the school year , I met this really awesome girl , Quinn . We were together for a little while , but she moved back in with her Dad in Twinbrook over the winter break . " Sabrina cocked her head at me , but I wasn 't finished , " Well a week ago , she moved back in with her mom , because … she 's pregnant . Like really pregnant , Sabs . " I ran over and gave her a hug , feeling like a lost little kid . I whispered , " Thank you . I 'm so glad you 're my sister . " 3 days after talking with my brother , I made plans to meet with Quinn at the local cafe in town . Ethan had plans to meet up with us later , but I thought it best to start off with just the two of us girls . A little bit early , I grabbed a coffee and waited , my mind racing . I ran through every possible scenario , trying not to form any opinions before I met this girl . I took a deep breath , trying to not come across as judgmental . The bell chimed as the cafe door opened to show a young girl , very pregnant . I stood up and stretched out my hand , " You must be Quinn . I 'm Sabrina " Quinn stiffly took my hand , being very careful to keep her guard up , " Yes , I 'm Quinn . It 's nice to meet you . " Soon after , we were called to our table where our lunch was waiting . A pause filled the air as we both ate . When we were through with our meal , I began to slowly ask her some more questions , " So , do you know whether the baby is a boy or a girl ? " Quinn stood up angrily , leaning against the table " I can barely take care of myself , and my mother is always working . I don 't even get to see her on the weekends , she travels to Bridgeport to stay with her boyfriend . How am I supposed to raise a baby ? " She broke down into sobs , so I led her back to the private area where we had first met , . When she had gained her composure she whispered , " He found the pregnancy test I took before I had the chance to tell him . He let me stay with him until the end of the school year , and then he kicked me out , so here I am . I grabbed her hand , " I don 't know how I can help you , Quinn , but that doesn 't mean I won 't . I 'll give you and Ethan some time to catch up , and I 'll spend the weekend brainstorming . Together , we can work out a plan of action , okay ? " A . N ~ I 'm baaack … Thank you all for putting up with me . I know I 'm not the most consistent of writers , but I appreciate your loyalty . Without further ado … . the next chapter is ready ! I sat up , " Oh , I 'm so sorry , Justin . I 'm not bored , I promise . Just tired . This must be the worst date you 've ever been on . I promise I 'm not usually so boring . " Justin waved me off , " Don 't even worry about it . On my wife and I 's second date , she sneezed right into my mouth as I kissed her for the first time . It was pretty gross . " I laughed softly before falling quiet , and he did the same before saying , " I made this awkward , huh ? By talking about my dead wife on the first date . I guess we 're both excellent at dating , right ? " He laid back against the sand but turned to look at me , " When I first saw her , she had the most amazing smile . You could be having the worst day of your life , but the moment you saw her , all your troubles would melt away . We met at our college orientation . She was leading the freshman group I was in . It wasn 't until the spring semester that I worked up the nerve to ask her out . Three years later , she became my wife . " He leaned in close , lingering dangerously near my face , " Sabrina , I 'd very much like to kiss you right now . " I nodded slowly before his lips met mine . With a passion and tenderness I 'd never felt before , Justin 's kiss sent my spine tingling . I 'll be honest , it was not a short kiss and when I pulled away , I couldn 't stop smiling . For a while , we just sat next to each other , watching the sunset across the ocean . When it was time to pack up , Justin helped me to my car before leaning in to kiss me one more time . He grinned mischievously at me before opening the door for me , " Wanna join Cassidy and I for dinner on Sunday ? " I smiled warmly , " Sure , but only if you agree to have dinner with me and my family on the following Sunday . " He laughed , " It 's a deal , Sabs . " We parted with the promise of next weekend in the air . My spirits were high as I parked the car in the garage and made the short walk to the house . All of a sudden , chills ran down my spine as I spotted a figure standing at the top of the driveway . They were far enough away that I couldn 't see who it was , but I wasn 't about to let them know that . I bolted for the front door , but the voice stopped me in my tracks , " Wait , Lauryn . Don 't go . " I whipped around and began to tremble , " Raj ? " , before I walked closer to the hidden figure . He shrugged , looking completely different . Instead of his fancy suits , he wore some ratty old sweatpants and a t shirt . His face wasn 't as clean as I 'd remembered . I whispered , " I must be dreaming , right ? " I surprised myself by throwing my arms around him , " I though you had died ! I 'm so happy that you 're alive ! Why did they say you were dead ? " He hung his head , " Lauryn , I am so ashamed of the way I treated you . I had no right to smack you around or bully you . Hell ! I shot you , Lauryn ! I wish I could blame it on the alcohol , but I 'm really just an asshole with a drinking problem . " He closed his eyes and started bawling , " I 'm so sorry . I woke up in the hospital , and I begged the doctor to tell you I was dead . I told him you were better off if I was dead . Once I was well enough to go home , I was arrested for battering you , and I spent 6 months in Sunset Valley Correctional Facility . You 're probably wondering why I 'm here now , and why I 'm telling you this . " I nodded softly before he continued , " I 'm 2 years sober now , and I go to meetings every day . Part of the reason I 'm here is because one of the twelve steps is to make amends , and I just wanted you to know how truly sorry I am , Lauryn . " I took his hands in mine , " So much has happened in the 2 years that we 've been apart . First things first , I found out that I was kidnapped by our family 's housekeeper and my name is Sabrina . " I laughed at the shocked look on his face , " I know , imagine how I felt . " He grew serious , " I know that I have no right to ask this , but did the baby survive ? " My eyes filled with tears , and I shook my head , " No . He died before I made it to the hospital . " Raj started crying again , " It was a boy ? " I nodded before wiping my own tears away , this was too much . Emotionally , and physically , " Raj , I 'm glad you 're okay , but I think it 's time you left . I need some space to process this , and I think you do too . " He nodded understandingly , " Laur - . . umm Sabrina ? Here 's my new number , in case you need anything . " He handed me his card , and walked off down the road . I growled in frustration as my phone buzzed for the billionth time . I hardly glanced down , knowing it would be from Nicolai , but not really caring anymore . You 'd think he would have gotten the hint after 20 unanswered voicemails and three times that in unanswered texts and emails . It had been cute at first , but it soon began to annoy me to no end . Just as I was about to turn off my phone , it began to ring , I groaned but was presently surprised to see Justin 's name pop up . We had grown to be close friends after our skating encounter in the park , I answered happily , " Hello ? " With shrieks of joy in the background , Justin 's panicked tone reached me , " Hey , Sabrina . I need your help . There are 6 little girls at my house and I have absolutely no idea what to do with them . " I smiled , " I think I know just the thing . It ; s going to be a hot one later today , so sprinklers on in the yard are always fun . Let 's see …… I got it ! I 'll come drop off my old makeup stuff and they can mess around with it and give each other makeovers . Until I get there , why don 't you pop some popcorn and let your daughter pick out a movie and they can pretend they 're at the movies . " In record time , I grabbed my makeup , picked up the pizza and was on my way to Justin 's house . I yelled angrily as someone shot out in front of my car . I slammed on the brakes , and barely stopped in time . The guy turned to face me , and I saw his face light up … Nicolai … He blocked me as I tried to drive off , knowing I couldn 't go around him due to oncoming traffic . He tapped on my window and I nearly growled at him , " What do you want , Nicolai ? " He grinned at me , " Baby , I miss you . Why won 't you answer me ? " I snapped at him , " Your pouty baby voice is not cute , Nicolai , it just shows you for the spoiled rotten , elf - centered , celebrity that you are . Now please take a hint and leave me alone ! " He opened his mouth to pleaded with me , but I pressed the horn until he turned and walked away . As soon as he was gone , I sped off towards Justin 's house , trying to put the whole thing behind me . When I left later that evening , Justin walked me out to my car , even though I insisted I was fine . We got closer to my car , only to see that my window had been smashed by a rock with a note attached . You 'll be sorry , it read . Justing grabbed my hand and pulled me away , " What 's that about , Sabrina ? Is someone bothering you ? " He snorted indignantly , " Like hell you will , Sabrina ! He threw a rock and broke your window . Something tells me he might be serious about this , okay ? Just let me give you a ride home . It 'll help me sleep better tonight . " He nodded , " Well then I guess I 'll have 7 ladies sleeping over tonight . " I blushed furiously , thankful for the darkness that hid my face . I acquiesced and followed him into the house . He led me to the second guest room before showing me where the bathroom was . I thanked him shyly before flopping down onto the bed . I texted my mom to let her know where I was before falling into a fitful sleep . I was awoken in the morning by six tiny giggles and six loud thumps outside the door . Justin knocked softly , waiting for my reply before poking his head in the door , " Hey , I hate to make you sneak out , but I 'd rather not have these girls telling their parents that I had a lady friend over while they were here , plus Cassidy might get the wrong idea . I have never had anyone else spend the night ever since … . " He whispered his thanks before closing the door . I sat on the bed , wondering why there was this hurt feeling in my stomach . It 's not like we were together , and it 's not like I was sneaking out after a one - night stand type of thing . Why did it feel like he was so embarrassed by me ? I shook my head , trying to remind myself that this wasn 't about me at all . Sabs , Thank you for making the slumber party so amazing for Cassidy . You really saved my ass back there and I really appreciate it . I 'd like to make it up to you sometime , maybe over coffee ? Text me when you get home , and we can set a date . Thanks again , Justin I have a mom , a real mom , one who loves me and bakes cookies and made scrapbooks of my first year . I sat on the couch in disbelief , my parents sitting across from me , hardly containing their excitement . I nodded my head as they made light conversation , why I was so numb inside . Shouldn 't I be just as excited as they were ? I shook my head slightly , and refocused on the conversation . She trailed off as she pushed open the door . I took in the sights and smells of a beautiful nursery … . my nursery . I started crying as memories of Christopher 's nursery plans filled my head . She held me tight until I stopped trembling . I soaked up the comfort , not used to having a mother who actually took care of me . She sighed , " So , how would like your room to look ? " I looked at her quizzically before she laughed , " What I 'm trying to say , is that our door is open if you want to stay a night every now and then , or even come live with us . But we know that that 's a big adjustment , so however you want to work it . " We parted ways that night , as I headed for the hotel they insisted on putting me up in . I laid on the bed , big tears rolling down my face . I had so many emotions swirling around but the more I learned about them , the more I hated my mom , ugh … I mean my kidnapper . I called her after I had finished crying , and left her a voicemail , saying she could find her car at the nearest impound . I hung up and took a much - needed soak in the tub . I flipped through the baby book that Vanessa , my mom , had sent with me . I traced my face in the picture , jealous of how happy she looked . I was determined to be that happy again . I packed my bag , left the hotel and found myself back on their doorway . My dad opened the door and look concerned , " Honey , are you okay ? " I found myself smiling ear to ear , " I have been robbed of too much time from you all . I want to move in and make the most of the new memories we can make . If that 's okay with you guys . " I giggled and my mom appeared next to me , so I chose that moment to address them both , " Guys , I know you 've been confused as to what to call me , because to you I 'm Sabrina , and to me , I 've been Lauryn for the last 18 years that I can remember , but I want to put Lauryn in the past . From now on I am Sabrina Daisy Quinn . " My mom 's eyes filled with tears and we hugged again , my dad encircling the both of us . He laughed , and he showed me the basics . We were both in the heat of competitive driving while Mom made a delicious smelling dinner . Dad settled on the couch with his paper . Ethan shook his head in defeat when were done , and we gathered at the table for dinner . My dad broke up the monotonous sounds of the silverware scraping the plates , " So , Sabrina , if you don 't have any plans this weekend , your mother and I thought we 'd celebrate your return by having a family day at the Sunny Seashell Spa . We own a cabana there part time . " I nodded , thinking that it sounded perfect . The rest of the week flew by in anticipation of our day at the spa . My mom and I both got deep - tissue massages and pedicures while the guys lounged by the pool . We met up by the pool in the afternoon . My dad and I relaxing on the loungers , while Ethan and my mom swam around . I was deep into a book when I heard a " COWABUNGA ! ! " With a huge splash , Ethan dove into the pool , smiling impishly when he resurfaced . I splashed him in annoyance , but I couldn 't help but smile . I got out and dried off , while trying to salvage my book . As I was walking back towards the locked room , something , or rather someone , nearly bowled me over , sending me to the floor . I ducked my head in embarrassment , dazed , but alright . I took the hand offered to help me up , a rich warm voice apologizing , " Oh man , I 'm so sorry . Are you okay ? Oh crap , you 're bleeding . " I looked down at my knee , " Oh yeah , I guess so . " I looked up at him , and did a double - take , " You - you 're Nikolai Cruz …… " He shrugged , " Yeah , but I 'm also the guy who just knocked over a beautiful young lady . " I blushed but couldn 't manage to find my words . I was standing in front of Nikolai Cruz , world - renowned singer , famous for the hit song , " You 've Got My Heart " . I stuttered before he gestured to my knee , " You should get that checked out …… . " I sputtered , " Oh , uh , I 'm Laur - I mean , I 'm Sabrina . " I laughed nervously but he tugged my arm and led me to the first aid station . He stood near me while the on - call nurse cleaned my leg and put a bandage on it . I thanked her before turning to Nikolai , " Mr . Cruz , you really didn 't have to stay . I 'm really alright . I 'm sorry to take up your time . " He laughed before kissing my hand , " Please , call me Nikolai , and why don 't you make it up to me by having dinner with me next weekend ? " I blushed , completely nervous , but I found myself agreeing …… . . I groaned inwardly before peeking out from under the blankets , " I dunno . " I rolled my eyes and ducked back under . I 'd been recovering in a domestic violence shelter , and they had put me up in an apartment with a roommate , Stella . The covers were yanked off of my bed , and I shivered in the cold air , " Come on , it 's 7 in the morning , let me sleep . " I sat up in bed before looking her dead in the eyes , " Don 't pretend you know me , okay , " I lifted up my shirt and showed her my still - healing scar , " I 've been through hell . My boyfriend shot me and killed our unborn baby in the process , while getting himself shot by the police . I have nobody , okay ? " I was crying now , the sobs leaving me unable to speak . Stella stood up abruptly and I heard her bustling around in the kitchen . Begrudgingly , I made my way into the kitchen and sat at our table . The first bite into my waffles reminded just how long it had been since I had eaten a " meal " . I stared down at my plate before apologizing , " Uh , I 'm sorry if I was rude . It 's been a rough month . " Stella put her hand on my arm , " Don 't apologize . I 'm sorry if I was too pushy , I was a lot like you when I first got here . I just care aggressively , at least that 's what my therapist says . I have been here almost 9 months , and I promise you , it does get better . " I smiled until I realized I was crying again , before I whispered my thanks . Stella stood up abruptly , " Well , I gotta get to work . Maybe try getting outside today ? Fresh air makes all the difference , when I get back we can binge watch some Simflix and eat all the chocolate we can . " I nodded and as fast as she talked , she was gone . I decided to take her advice and I tentatively headed to the park . I brought one of the books I had bought to read to Christopher , and clutched it close to my heart . The sun was shining bright , and I sat down on a bench , hoping no one noticed the still - healing bruises on my face . The sound of someone sitting next to me , made me pause in my reading , but before I say anything , or even look up , the stench of cheap booze filled my nose . I looked up to meet the steely gaze of my mother , my very drunk mother . I thought of all the horrible things that my mother had done to me and to herself , I nearly hated her for them , but I still could not , in any good conscience , leave her to find her way home . I pulled her arm until she sat down next to me , " Ma , let me take you home . How did you get here ? " I stood up , pulling her along , " You 're in condition to drive home , Ma . I 'll take you . She huffed about it all the way to the car . Once inside the car , she began pestering me with more and more painful questions , so I finally interrupted her , " Y ' know , Ma , you keep asking me about the father of my baby but in all of my 19 years you have not even mentioned my father . Not once . I think I 've waited long enough . " I had made a point of asking her when I was younger , but she always shut me down . I hoped maybe the alcohol in her might make her forget those walls . She looked at me with sad eyes , " I loved your father very much . He was a charmer . His big blue eyes crinkled when he laughed . " She looked at me and pulled at me for a hug . I tried not to stiffen , but she began to talk , " Oh , Lauryn , I 've done something so very , very bad . Something awful . I can 't tell you . " She nodded soberly , " Okay , but you can 't be upset , " she waited for me to nod before going on , " When I was sixteen , I fell in love with the star quarterback of the football team . Cliche , I know , but it was true . He didn 't notice me until a year after he graduated . We had one night of passion , and I ended up pregnant . " My mother bit her lip , " No , I was pregnant with your sister , but I miscarried in my 5th month . " My eyes grew wide , but I remained silent as she continued , " Anyways , I never told him about the pregnancy or the miscarriage , but I kept track of him as he moved on from college to his career . In fact , I ended up working for him and his wife as their housekeeper . " I stared at her , trying to reconcile what she was saying to the woman I had grown up with . I started to say something but she waved me off , " Let me finish , your father never so much as looked at me after our one shared night , but when he and his wife brought home their perfect baby girl , I was so jealous . I still loved him , and in my mind he was mine . I know this sounds crazy , but it 's how I felt at the time , okay ? I was given the care of their child while they went on with work and such , " She broke down into tears again , " One day , I realized that I might possibly love this child more than her own mother . She was so perfect , and tiny . She smiled whenever I entered the room , and cried when I left at the end of the day . " I nodded , trying get her to the point , " So after I came to that realization , the next day , I waited until they left for work and …… I took that little girl home with me , and we ran away together . I changed hers and my name . Her name was / is Lauryn . " She dropped that little bomb into my lap while I stared at her , my eyes widening by the second . Finally my brain managed to put together a whole sentence , " You mean to tell me that my mom is not my mom , but just some crazy woman who thought I was her daughter ? Wait a minute … . wait … a … . minute … . " She opened her mouth but I whisper yelled , " What 's his name ? " My mom look confused , so I chose to scream , " What is my father 's name ! " I turned and yelled at her , " I don 't care ! I 've taken so much crap from you because I thought it was my fault that you didn 't love , or because it was something that I did . You treated me like I was the problem . Every time you came home drunk , every time you brought home a new man , every time you slapped me , or called me an ungrateful whore , I still loved you , because I thought I was your daughter and that it was my job to care for you , but i was wrong , okay ? I have been caring for someone who has been trying to drink away her regrets , but now , I 'm done . If you weren 't drunk I 'd be the one to leave , but I don 't want yo to kill anyone by drunk driving , so please …… . . get out . When you 've sobered up , call me , and I 'll bring the car back . " After she stumbled out of the car , I sped off , making it home before bursting into tears . My heart ached for someone to talk to . I crawled into bed , back where I started this morning . The sun hurt my eyes when it came through the window . Stella had left some pancakes on the counter for me , but I was in no mood for eating . I got dressed before walking down the street to the library . The computer was open , so I made a beeline for it . I didn 't even know where to begin , so I pulled up my mother 's , excuse me , Maria 's , high school alumni page . I scrolled through it until I found the right yearbook . Smack dab on the cover was the quarterback , my father . I clicked on his picture , and it led me directly to his profile . I wrote down the current address and was out the door in seconds . Several hours later , one long cab ride , one short ferry ride , and one stop on the bus , I stood on his street . I took a deep breath and forced my feet to walk forward . His house was at the end of the street , and as I neared , I could make out two figures on the lawn . It was him , and his son playing catch . I have a brother ! Once within walking distance , I cleared my throat , trying to get his attention . He turned to me and I approached , " Um , hi , are you Walter Quinn ? " He nodded his head , searching me for some sign of recognition , " I am . How can I help you ? " I shrugged my shoulders , " Well , this is going to sound weird , but I think I 'm your daughter … . " A wide grin split his face before he motioned to his son , " Ethan , go get your mom ! " The blonde teenager shot into the house as I found myself being wrapped p into a hug , " Oh Sabrina , we knew you would come back to us . " Before I could correct him on my name , an older carbon copy of me stepped out the front door . Once we made I contact , she dropped the mug in her hand and rushed toward me . I was pulled into her arms as she began sobbing . I was crying too , not sure how I had made it here . I had gone from being all alone in the world , to suddenly having these stranger become my family . I clutched my mom tighter , sending us both into a fit of tears again . Somehow , everything was going to turn out all right . |
" Okay , let 's hang the balloons up there , Ethan , " I ordered before turning to my mom , " and the cake can go in the kitchen for now . " We spent the morning preparing for the baby shower , since Julia was due in three weeks . I smoothed my skirt and pulled Julia into the nursery , " Hey , are you doing alright ? You 've been pretty quiet today . " I nodded , " Okay , but feel free to put your feet up on the bed if you need to . " She started to walk away until I held her hand . I smiled , and tried not to get teary as I put my hand on her belly , " I just want to say thank you for this precious gift . I promise to take great care of it . However , after the baby is born , if you change your mind about raising it , I will do nothing but support you , alright ? " She held my hand , before nodding tearily . I led her to the bed and helped her put her feet up . I went back to decorating for a little bit until Julia started whimpering in her sleep . I rushed over to her , careful not to wake her and felt her stomach … . it was hard as a rock . I kept my hand steady on the curve of her belly until the tension relaxed . I kept my hand steady on her stomach while I grabbed my phone . I changed it to the timer and started the timer until her stomach grew hard again . Once again , she began whimpering , so I gently shook her shoulder . Julia cried out in pain , and I put an arm on her shoulders , " Jules , listen , I think you 've gone into labor , so we 're going to take you to the hospital okay ? " We loaded up the careful , and I could only thank Julia for her timing . My dad stayed back to let the guests know what was happening as they arrive . My mother navigated while Ethan drove us , and I was in the backseat with Julia , coaching her through the next contraction . By the time we got to the hospital , Julia had gone through three contractions . Once we were all settled in the room , Julia spoke up , " Thank you guys for coming , m but I really just want Sabrina in here . Ethan can you call my mom and let her know where we are ? " Ethan nodded before walking out , and my mom placed my hand on my shoulder , before heading out the same door . For three hours , Julia labored on her own , we walked the halls , and used the birthing ball until it grew bad enough to warrant an epidural . She sits on the bed and I hold her hand while they do the injection . She fell asleep shortly after that , since it was now almost midnight . I follow suit , but I don 't sleep long because pretty soon , Julia felt the urge to push . I stood next to her , holding her hand as she squeezed mine tighter and tighter . I kissed her forehead , " Hon , you are so brave . You 're doing great . We 're almost there . " She cried out as another contraction came , but her voice was frantic , " Doctor , something 's not right ! I can feel it , please help my baby . " He ordered the nurses to monitor the baby , before strapping her down , " Tell them to get the OR ready , we 're coming in . " They all began to rush her out the door , and I felt invisible as I tried to get someone to tell me what was happening , " That 's my baby in there , what 's going on ? " Luckily , a nurse heard , " The baby 's heart rate is erratic , we need to get her out of there as fast as possible . " Before I could ask any more questions , I was ushered into the hallway , . I chased after the team rolling Julia down the hall , " I 'll be right out here for you , Jules . Be brave , honey . " I leaned against the wall and burst into sobs . As I was crying , I strained my ears for the sound of my baby 's cry , but none came . The agony was killing me , and I slumped to the floor from exhaustion until I heard a familiar comforting voice , " Sabrina ? What are you doing here ? " I looked up and was so glad to see Justin that I forgot where I was for a minute . I stood up and smiled at him , but the minute he wrapped his arms around me , I broke down into intense sobs . He held me tight , " Hey , hey … what 's wrong ? C ' mere , " he led me to a group of chairs down the hall . I wiped my tears as I sat down and faced him , " I 'm sorry . I didn 't mean to literally cry on your shoulder . " He laughed softly , " It 's okay , Sabs . What 's going on ? " I tried not to tear up as I explained about Julia and the baby before asking him , " What are you doing in the Maternity Ward ? He laughed , " My sister just had a baby boy , so I came to visit with her . " Before I could say anything , the doctor came out of the operating room , " Miss Quinn ? " I stood up , " Yes ? " He smiled kindly , " Would you like to come and meet your daughter ? " I looked back at Justin , " I 'll call you later , okay ? " He smiled wide , " I 'd really like that , Sabrina Quinn . " The doctor led me through the doors , and into a private room . Julia lay asleep in the bed and a small bassinet next to her . My eyes filled over as I stood next to her . I held her tiny hand , before I was brave enough to pick her . Gingerly , I sat down on the chair next to the bed . I whispered , " You sure gave Mommy a scare , didn 't you sweet - pea ? " I began to hum a lullabye until we were both sleepy . Fearing I would drop her , I laid her back in the bassinet . I leaned back in the chair , my finger grasped firmly in her hand and mumbled as I dozed off , " I love you , Esther Pearl Quinn … . . " Posted on June 15 , 2017June 15 , 2017Categories drama , fiction , Sims 3 , UncategorizedTags babies , drama , family , generation 1 , Hernandez , legacy , pregnancy , Quinn , Sims 3 , sims 3 story , sims3 , sims3story3 Comments on 1 . 15 Unexpected Arrival 1 . 14 The Master Plan ~ A . N ~ I realize I made a really silly mistake . I named Ethan 's girlfriend Quinn , and I completely spaced on the fact this was the Quinn legacy . Big Whoops . . So from here on out I have changed Quinn 's name in the story to Julia So I hope it 's not too confusing … My apologies XD After meeting with Julia , I did as I had promised , I spent the weekend trying to think through their situation and see if I could come up with a solution . Sunday night came , and I pulled Ethan aside , " Bud , it 's time to talk to Mom and Dad . I have a plan , but we need to talk it out as family . Why don 't you call Julia and see if she can come over for dinner . We cam talk over dinner . " If I was a violent person , I would 've smacked him upside the head , " Of course they need to know ! " I dropped my voice to a whisper , " This is your baby , their grandchild . You need to tell them what happened . " Ethan nodded slowly before walking away , pulling out his cell phone . I headed back into my room , to begin preparing for tonight . Before I was ready , evening came and Julia knocked on the door . As my father got up to answer the door , Ethan jumped up , " That 's my friend , Julia , from school . She 's going to have dinner with us tonight , but before you answer that door , you need to know , she 's 8 months pregnant . So please , please , just be cool . " My dad nodded , a serious look overcoming his face , and motioned for Ethan to answer the door . Ethan opened the door , " Hey Julia , thanks for coming . " He led her inside and she turned to our parents , " Thank you for having me over , especially so last minute , I appreciate it . " I stepped in and gave her a hug , " No , thank you for coming over , " I turned and motioned to everyone , " Why don 't we all take a seat in the living room . " My parents nodded , but you could tell the wheels were spinning in their heads . They glanced from each other to Julia 's prominent stomach . We all sat down and I put my hand on Ethan 's shoulder , " Mom , Dad , Ethan has something to tell you guys . " Ethan nodded slowly , taking Julia by the hand , " Uh , I 'm sure you can guess what I 'm about to tell you … . Julia isn 't just my friend from school . We dated at the beginning of the school year . She moved away , and a few weeks ago she moved back to town . That 's when I found out she was pregnant … with my baby . " My mom began to cry , and my Dad stood up and began to pace . I sat up and tried to be a voice of reason but Julia stood up , " Look , this is all my fault . Ethan is just trying to help . " I leaned next to my mom , " Julia has asked me to help her find a solution to their situation , because she doesn 't feel like she 's ready to raise this baby . I have thought of many options , and if Ethan 's agreeable . I would like to adopt their baby . " Ethan looked thoughtfully at Julia before turning back to me , " If that 's what Julia wants , I 'm happy to oblige . Obviously , I 'd still like to be a part of this baby 's life , but maybe more as Uncle Ethan , than Daddy . " Julia threw her arms around him , sobbing her thanks onto his shoulder . My dad stopped pacing long enough to face me , " Are you ready to raise this baby , Sabrina ? You 've just gotten on with your life after the Raj debacle . You have a part - time job , and you still live at home . " I took a deep breath , trying not to get defensive . My dad meant well , and he was still in shock . I sat a little more forward on the couch , " You 're right , I might not be ready now for this baby , but I have an entire month to get ready . My job is minimum wage , but I searched all over Simslist this weekend and I found a couple jobs that seemed decent . Because I live at home , I 've had the chance to save everything I earned as a receptionist for the last two years . In my bank account , I have nearly $ 10 , 000 saved up . I 'll be going apartment hunting this week . I want to help , Dad and I know you 're concerned , but I 'm doing this with or without your support . " As I grew silent , my mother stood up , " We 'll support you , Sabrina . What you 're doing is a very thoughtful and a generous gift . Julia , are you okay with Sabrina 's plan ? " Julia turned towards me , tears streaming down her cheek , " Yes . I can 't imagine a kinder person to raise this baby . I 'm sure my mom will be agreeable to this if she 's allowed to have contact with the baby ; but even if she 's not okay with this plan , this is what I want to do . " We hugged , and the rest of the evening was a little awkward but it went on without any issues . The next morning , I set out on an apartment hunt , barely containing my excitement . I nearly floated from place to place , not even bothered by the fact that I was walking around town in the dead of summer . After a week of apartment hunting and job interviews , luck had turned my way . I managed to score a sweet summer deal on a new apartment across town . It would be a 20 minute drive to my parents , but I was so ecstatic with this place I didn 't even care . The minute I paid for and signed the year - long lease , I began to cry and my new landlord just stared at me like I was crazy . He didn 't understand ! This was the first time in my life that I was actually independent . I didn 't have to ask someone for money to buy clothes , no more using my parents ' money to go grocery shopping . This was it , I was a grown up ! Filled with newfound sense of independence , I spent that week moving in , and when it was all finished , I had everyone over for the big reveal , Julia included . My mom had tears in her eyes as she hugged me , " Hon , I am so proud of you . There is not a minute that goes by that I don 't regret not being able to celebrate life 's milestones with you , but today , I 'm glad to be standing here with you . You 're going to be a wonderful mother , " she kissed my forehead , but we were both bawling at this point , " I 'm only a phone call away if you need anything , okay Sabrina ? " I nodded through my tears and we joined the everyone in the small living area . After everyone left that evening , I looked around at my little apartment . It wasn 't much , but it was mine , and I couldn 't have been happier . I fell fast asleep that night , fully embracing my newfound independence . I take a long sip of my coffee as I gaze over the ocean . Every day , I 'm flabbergasted by the view from our deck . I wait by the phone for the weekly call from Raj . Ever since the incident last month , we checked in with each other weekly . My phone rang , not 5 minutes later , Raj 's voice filling my ears , " Morning , pal " We talked about the random things in our life , until we were getting ready to end the call . His voice grew serious , He laughed , " Don 't worry about me , I 'm getting a fresh start with a cousin in Bridgeport . I 'll keep in touch , but you need to be able to move on and start your life . I appreciate every thing you have done for me , more than you can know , but I 'm holding you back . You 're a great woman Sabrina , and I will always love you . " He hung up the phone shortly thereafter , leaving me in a peaceful silence . Instead of feeling sad , or hurt like I expected , I felt …… . relieved . I could finally get on with my life . I stumbled into the house , accidentally slamming the door behind me . I threw my backpack on the ground , finally noticing my sister in the corner . She stood there watching me curiously , " What 's wrong , bud ? " I shrugged , before turning and heading into the kitchen . She didn 't let me get very far . She practically dragged me into her room and pushed me into the chair , " Seriously , Ethan , what 's wrong . You haven 't been yourself lately and now you 're skipping school ? " My head hung low , I surprised myself by breaking into huge gasping sobs . When I could finally speak , I raised my head and met her eyes , " Back at the beginning of the school year , I met this really awesome girl , Quinn . We were together for a little while , but she moved back in with her Dad in Twinbrook over the winter break . " Sabrina cocked her head at me , but I wasn 't finished , " Well a week ago , she moved back in with her mom , because … she 's pregnant . Like really pregnant , Sabs . " I ran over and gave her a hug , feeling like a lost little kid . I whispered , " Thank you . I 'm so glad you 're my sister . " 3 days after talking with my brother , I made plans to meet with Quinn at the local cafe in town . Ethan had plans to meet up with us later , but I thought it best to start off with just the two of us girls . A little bit early , I grabbed a coffee and waited , my mind racing . I ran through every possible scenario , trying not to form any opinions before I met this girl . I took a deep breath , trying to not come across as judgmental . The bell chimed as the cafe door opened to show a young girl , very pregnant . I stood up and stretched out my hand , " You must be Quinn . I 'm Sabrina " Quinn stiffly took my hand , being very careful to keep her guard up , " Yes , I 'm Quinn . It 's nice to meet you . " Soon after , we were called to our table where our lunch was waiting . A pause filled the air as we both ate . When we were through with our meal , I began to slowly ask her some more questions , " So , do you know whether the baby is a boy or a girl ? " Quinn stood up angrily , leaning against the table " I can barely take care of myself , and my mother is always working . I don 't even get to see her on the weekends , she travels to Bridgeport to stay with her boyfriend . How am I supposed to raise a baby ? " She broke down into sobs , so I led her back to the private area where we had first met , . When she had gained her composure she whispered , " He found the pregnancy test I took before I had the chance to tell him . He let me stay with him until the end of the school year , and then he kicked me out , so here I am . I grabbed her hand , " I don 't know how I can help you , Quinn , but that doesn 't mean I won 't . I 'll give you and Ethan some time to catch up , and I 'll spend the weekend brainstorming . Together , we can work out a plan of action , okay ? " A . N ~ I 'm baaack … Thank you all for putting up with me . I know I 'm not the most consistent of writers , but I appreciate your loyalty . Without further ado … . the next chapter is ready ! I sat up , " Oh , I 'm so sorry , Justin . I 'm not bored , I promise . Just tired . This must be the worst date you 've ever been on . I promise I 'm not usually so boring . " Justin waved me off , " Don 't even worry about it . On my wife and I 's second date , she sneezed right into my mouth as I kissed her for the first time . It was pretty gross . " I laughed softly before falling quiet , and he did the same before saying , " I made this awkward , huh ? By talking about my dead wife on the first date . I guess we 're both excellent at dating , right ? " He laid back against the sand but turned to look at me , " When I first saw her , she had the most amazing smile . You could be having the worst day of your life , but the moment you saw her , all your troubles would melt away . We met at our college orientation . She was leading the freshman group I was in . It wasn 't until the spring semester that I worked up the nerve to ask her out . Three years later , she became my wife . " He leaned in close , lingering dangerously near my face , " Sabrina , I 'd very much like to kiss you right now . " I nodded slowly before his lips met mine . With a passion and tenderness I 'd never felt before , Justin 's kiss sent my spine tingling . I 'll be honest , it was not a short kiss and when I pulled away , I couldn 't stop smiling . For a while , we just sat next to each other , watching the sunset across the ocean . When it was time to pack up , Justin helped me to my car before leaning in to kiss me one more time . He grinned mischievously at me before opening the door for me , " Wanna join Cassidy and I for dinner on Sunday ? " I smiled warmly , " Sure , but only if you agree to have dinner with me and my family on the following Sunday . " He laughed , " It 's a deal , Sabs . " We parted with the promise of next weekend in the air . My spirits were high as I parked the car in the garage and made the short walk to the house . All of a sudden , chills ran down my spine as I spotted a figure standing at the top of the driveway . They were far enough away that I couldn 't see who it was , but I wasn 't about to let them know that . I bolted for the front door , but the voice stopped me in my tracks , " Wait , Lauryn . Don 't go . " I whipped around and began to tremble , " Raj ? " , before I walked closer to the hidden figure . He shrugged , looking completely different . Instead of his fancy suits , he wore some ratty old sweatpants and a t shirt . His face wasn 't as clean as I 'd remembered . I whispered , " I must be dreaming , right ? " I surprised myself by throwing my arms around him , " I though you had died ! I 'm so happy that you 're alive ! Why did they say you were dead ? " He hung his head , " Lauryn , I am so ashamed of the way I treated you . I had no right to smack you around or bully you . Hell ! I shot you , Lauryn ! I wish I could blame it on the alcohol , but I 'm really just an asshole with a drinking problem . " He closed his eyes and started bawling , " I 'm so sorry . I woke up in the hospital , and I begged the doctor to tell you I was dead . I told him you were better off if I was dead . Once I was well enough to go home , I was arrested for battering you , and I spent 6 months in Sunset Valley Correctional Facility . You 're probably wondering why I 'm here now , and why I 'm telling you this . " I nodded softly before he continued , " I 'm 2 years sober now , and I go to meetings every day . Part of the reason I 'm here is because one of the twelve steps is to make amends , and I just wanted you to know how truly sorry I am , Lauryn . " I took his hands in mine , " So much has happened in the 2 years that we 've been apart . First things first , I found out that I was kidnapped by our family 's housekeeper and my name is Sabrina . " I laughed at the shocked look on his face , " I know , imagine how I felt . " He grew serious , " I know that I have no right to ask this , but did the baby survive ? " My eyes filled with tears , and I shook my head , " No . He died before I made it to the hospital . " Raj started crying again , " It was a boy ? " I nodded before wiping my own tears away , this was too much . Emotionally , and physically , " Raj , I 'm glad you 're okay , but I think it 's time you left . I need some space to process this , and I think you do too . " He nodded understandingly , " Laur - . . umm Sabrina ? Here 's my new number , in case you need anything . " He handed me his card , and walked off down the road . I growled in frustration as my phone buzzed for the billionth time . I hardly glanced down , knowing it would be from Nicolai , but not really caring anymore . You 'd think he would have gotten the hint after 20 unanswered voicemails and three times that in unanswered texts and emails . It had been cute at first , but it soon began to annoy me to no end . Just as I was about to turn off my phone , it began to ring , I groaned but was presently surprised to see Justin 's name pop up . We had grown to be close friends after our skating encounter in the park , I answered happily , " Hello ? " With shrieks of joy in the background , Justin 's panicked tone reached me , " Hey , Sabrina . I need your help . There are 6 little girls at my house and I have absolutely no idea what to do with them . " I smiled , " I think I know just the thing . It ; s going to be a hot one later today , so sprinklers on in the yard are always fun . Let 's see …… I got it ! I 'll come drop off my old makeup stuff and they can mess around with it and give each other makeovers . Until I get there , why don 't you pop some popcorn and let your daughter pick out a movie and they can pretend they 're at the movies . " In record time , I grabbed my makeup , picked up the pizza and was on my way to Justin 's house . I yelled angrily as someone shot out in front of my car . I slammed on the brakes , and barely stopped in time . The guy turned to face me , and I saw his face light up … Nicolai … He blocked me as I tried to drive off , knowing I couldn 't go around him due to oncoming traffic . He tapped on my window and I nearly growled at him , " What do you want , Nicolai ? " He grinned at me , " Baby , I miss you . Why won 't you answer me ? " I snapped at him , " Your pouty baby voice is not cute , Nicolai , it just shows you for the spoiled rotten , elf - centered , celebrity that you are . Now please take a hint and leave me alone ! " He opened his mouth to pleaded with me , but I pressed the horn until he turned and walked away . As soon as he was gone , I sped off towards Justin 's house , trying to put the whole thing behind me . When I left later that evening , Justin walked me out to my car , even though I insisted I was fine . We got closer to my car , only to see that my window had been smashed by a rock with a note attached . You 'll be sorry , it read . Justing grabbed my hand and pulled me away , " What 's that about , Sabrina ? Is someone bothering you ? " He snorted indignantly , " Like hell you will , Sabrina ! He threw a rock and broke your window . Something tells me he might be serious about this , okay ? Just let me give you a ride home . It 'll help me sleep better tonight . " He nodded , " Well then I guess I 'll have 7 ladies sleeping over tonight . " I blushed furiously , thankful for the darkness that hid my face . I acquiesced and followed him into the house . He led me to the second guest room before showing me where the bathroom was . I thanked him shyly before flopping down onto the bed . I texted my mom to let her know where I was before falling into a fitful sleep . I was awoken in the morning by six tiny giggles and six loud thumps outside the door . Justin knocked softly , waiting for my reply before poking his head in the door , " Hey , I hate to make you sneak out , but I 'd rather not have these girls telling their parents that I had a lady friend over while they were here , plus Cassidy might get the wrong idea . I have never had anyone else spend the night ever since … . " He whispered his thanks before closing the door . I sat on the bed , wondering why there was this hurt feeling in my stomach . It 's not like we were together , and it 's not like I was sneaking out after a one - night stand type of thing . Why did it feel like he was so embarrassed by me ? I shook my head , trying to remind myself that this wasn 't about me at all . Sabs , Thank you for making the slumber party so amazing for Cassidy . You really saved my ass back there and I really appreciate it . I 'd like to make it up to you sometime , maybe over coffee ? Text me when you get home , and we can set a date . Thanks again , Justin I have a mom , a real mom , one who loves me and bakes cookies and made scrapbooks of my first year . I sat on the couch in disbelief , my parents sitting across from me , hardly containing their excitement . I nodded my head as they made light conversation , why I was so numb inside . Shouldn 't I be just as excited as they were ? I shook my head slightly , and refocused on the conversation . She trailed off as she pushed open the door . I took in the sights and smells of a beautiful nursery … . my nursery . I started crying as memories of Christopher 's nursery plans filled my head . She held me tight until I stopped trembling . I soaked up the comfort , not used to having a mother who actually took care of me . She sighed , " So , how would like your room to look ? " I looked at her quizzically before she laughed , " What I 'm trying to say , is that our door is open if you want to stay a night every now and then , or even come live with us . But we know that that 's a big adjustment , so however you want to work it . " We parted ways that night , as I headed for the hotel they insisted on putting me up in . I laid on the bed , big tears rolling down my face . I had so many emotions swirling around but the more I learned about them , the more I hated my mom , ugh … I mean my kidnapper . I called her after I had finished crying , and left her a voicemail , saying she could find her car at the nearest impound . I hung up and took a much - needed soak in the tub . I flipped through the baby book that Vanessa , my mom , had sent with me . I traced my face in the picture , jealous of how happy she looked . I was determined to be that happy again . I packed my bag , left the hotel and found myself back on their doorway . My dad opened the door and look concerned , " Honey , are you okay ? " I found myself smiling ear to ear , " I have been robbed of too much time from you all . I want to move in and make the most of the new memories we can make . If that 's okay with you guys . " I giggled and my mom appeared next to me , so I chose that moment to address them both , " Guys , I know you 've been confused as to what to call me , because to you I 'm Sabrina , and to me , I 've been Lauryn for the last 18 years that I can remember , but I want to put Lauryn in the past . From now on I am Sabrina Daisy Quinn . " My mom 's eyes filled with tears and we hugged again , my dad encircling the both of us . He laughed , and he showed me the basics . We were both in the heat of competitive driving while Mom made a delicious smelling dinner . Dad settled on the couch with his paper . Ethan shook his head in defeat when were done , and we gathered at the table for dinner . My dad broke up the monotonous sounds of the silverware scraping the plates , " So , Sabrina , if you don 't have any plans this weekend , your mother and I thought we 'd celebrate your return by having a family day at the Sunny Seashell Spa . We own a cabana there part time . " I nodded , thinking that it sounded perfect . The rest of the week flew by in anticipation of our day at the spa . My mom and I both got deep - tissue massages and pedicures while the guys lounged by the pool . We met up by the pool in the afternoon . My dad and I relaxing on the loungers , while Ethan and my mom swam around . I was deep into a book when I heard a " COWABUNGA ! ! " With a huge splash , Ethan dove into the pool , smiling impishly when he resurfaced . I splashed him in annoyance , but I couldn 't help but smile . I got out and dried off , while trying to salvage my book . As I was walking back towards the locked room , something , or rather someone , nearly bowled me over , sending me to the floor . I ducked my head in embarrassment , dazed , but alright . I took the hand offered to help me up , a rich warm voice apologizing , " Oh man , I 'm so sorry . Are you okay ? Oh crap , you 're bleeding . " I looked down at my knee , " Oh yeah , I guess so . " I looked up at him , and did a double - take , " You - you 're Nikolai Cruz …… " He shrugged , " Yeah , but I 'm also the guy who just knocked over a beautiful young lady . " I blushed but couldn 't manage to find my words . I was standing in front of Nikolai Cruz , world - renowned singer , famous for the hit song , " You 've Got My Heart " . I stuttered before he gestured to my knee , " You should get that checked out …… . " I sputtered , " Oh , uh , I 'm Laur - I mean , I 'm Sabrina . " I laughed nervously but he tugged my arm and led me to the first aid station . He stood near me while the on - call nurse cleaned my leg and put a bandage on it . I thanked her before turning to Nikolai , " Mr . Cruz , you really didn 't have to stay . I 'm really alright . I 'm sorry to take up your time . " He laughed before kissing my hand , " Please , call me Nikolai , and why don 't you make it up to me by having dinner with me next weekend ? " I blushed , completely nervous , but I found myself agreeing …… . . I groaned inwardly before peeking out from under the blankets , " I dunno . " I rolled my eyes and ducked back under . I 'd been recovering in a domestic violence shelter , and they had put me up in an apartment with a roommate , Stella . The covers were yanked off of my bed , and I shivered in the cold air , " Come on , it 's 7 in the morning , let me sleep . " I sat up in bed before looking her dead in the eyes , " Don 't pretend you know me , okay , " I lifted up my shirt and showed her my still - healing scar , " I 've been through hell . My boyfriend shot me and killed our unborn baby in the process , while getting himself shot by the police . I have nobody , okay ? " I was crying now , the sobs leaving me unable to speak . Stella stood up abruptly and I heard her bustling around in the kitchen . Begrudgingly , I made my way into the kitchen and sat at our table . The first bite into my waffles reminded just how long it had been since I had eaten a " meal " . I stared down at my plate before apologizing , " Uh , I 'm sorry if I was rude . It 's been a rough month . " Stella put her hand on my arm , " Don 't apologize . I 'm sorry if I was too pushy , I was a lot like you when I first got here . I just care aggressively , at least that 's what my therapist says . I have been here almost 9 months , and I promise you , it does get better . " I smiled until I realized I was crying again , before I whispered my thanks . Stella stood up abruptly , " Well , I gotta get to work . Maybe try getting outside today ? Fresh air makes all the difference , when I get back we can binge watch some Simflix and eat all the chocolate we can . " I nodded and as fast as she talked , she was gone . I decided to take her advice and I tentatively headed to the park . I brought one of the books I had bought to read to Christopher , and clutched it close to my heart . The sun was shining bright , and I sat down on a bench , hoping no one noticed the still - healing bruises on my face . The sound of someone sitting next to me , made me pause in my reading , but before I say anything , or even look up , the stench of cheap booze filled my nose . I looked up to meet the steely gaze of my mother , my very drunk mother . I thought of all the horrible things that my mother had done to me and to herself , I nearly hated her for them , but I still could not , in any good conscience , leave her to find her way home . I pulled her arm until she sat down next to me , " Ma , let me take you home . How did you get here ? " I stood up , pulling her along , " You 're in condition to drive home , Ma . I 'll take you . She huffed about it all the way to the car . Once inside the car , she began pestering me with more and more painful questions , so I finally interrupted her , " Y ' know , Ma , you keep asking me about the father of my baby but in all of my 19 years you have not even mentioned my father . Not once . I think I 've waited long enough . " I had made a point of asking her when I was younger , but she always shut me down . I hoped maybe the alcohol in her might make her forget those walls . She looked at me with sad eyes , " I loved your father very much . He was a charmer . His big blue eyes crinkled when he laughed . " She looked at me and pulled at me for a hug . I tried not to stiffen , but she began to talk , " Oh , Lauryn , I 've done something so very , very bad . Something awful . I can 't tell you . " She nodded soberly , " Okay , but you can 't be upset , " she waited for me to nod before going on , " When I was sixteen , I fell in love with the star quarterback of the football team . Cliche , I know , but it was true . He didn 't notice me until a year after he graduated . We had one night of passion , and I ended up pregnant . " My mother bit her lip , " No , I was pregnant with your sister , but I miscarried in my 5th month . " My eyes grew wide , but I remained silent as she continued , " Anyways , I never told him about the pregnancy or the miscarriage , but I kept track of him as he moved on from college to his career . In fact , I ended up working for him and his wife as their housekeeper . " I stared at her , trying to reconcile what she was saying to the woman I had grown up with . I started to say something but she waved me off , " Let me finish , your father never so much as looked at me after our one shared night , but when he and his wife brought home their perfect baby girl , I was so jealous . I still loved him , and in my mind he was mine . I know this sounds crazy , but it 's how I felt at the time , okay ? I was given the care of their child while they went on with work and such , " She broke down into tears again , " One day , I realized that I might possibly love this child more than her own mother . She was so perfect , and tiny . She smiled whenever I entered the room , and cried when I left at the end of the day . " I nodded , trying get her to the point , " So after I came to that realization , the next day , I waited until they left for work and …… I took that little girl home with me , and we ran away together . I changed hers and my name . Her name was / is Lauryn . " She dropped that little bomb into my lap while I stared at her , my eyes widening by the second . Finally my brain managed to put together a whole sentence , " You mean to tell me that my mom is not my mom , but just some crazy woman who thought I was her daughter ? Wait a minute … . wait … a … . minute … . " She opened her mouth but I whisper yelled , " What 's his name ? " My mom look confused , so I chose to scream , " What is my father 's name ! " I turned and yelled at her , " I don 't care ! I 've taken so much crap from you because I thought it was my fault that you didn 't love , or because it was something that I did . You treated me like I was the problem . Every time you came home drunk , every time you brought home a new man , every time you slapped me , or called me an ungrateful whore , I still loved you , because I thought I was your daughter and that it was my job to care for you , but i was wrong , okay ? I have been caring for someone who has been trying to drink away her regrets , but now , I 'm done . If you weren 't drunk I 'd be the one to leave , but I don 't want yo to kill anyone by drunk driving , so please …… . . get out . When you 've sobered up , call me , and I 'll bring the car back . " After she stumbled out of the car , I sped off , making it home before bursting into tears . My heart ached for someone to talk to . I crawled into bed , back where I started this morning . The sun hurt my eyes when it came through the window . Stella had left some pancakes on the counter for me , but I was in no mood for eating . I got dressed before walking down the street to the library . The computer was open , so I made a beeline for it . I didn 't even know where to begin , so I pulled up my mother 's , excuse me , Maria 's , high school alumni page . I scrolled through it until I found the right yearbook . Smack dab on the cover was the quarterback , my father . I clicked on his picture , and it led me directly to his profile . I wrote down the current address and was out the door in seconds . Several hours later , one long cab ride , one short ferry ride , and one stop on the bus , I stood on his street . I took a deep breath and forced my feet to walk forward . His house was at the end of the street , and as I neared , I could make out two figures on the lawn . It was him , and his son playing catch . I have a brother ! Once within walking distance , I cleared my throat , trying to get his attention . He turned to me and I approached , " Um , hi , are you Walter Quinn ? " He nodded his head , searching me for some sign of recognition , " I am . How can I help you ? " I shrugged my shoulders , " Well , this is going to sound weird , but I think I 'm your daughter … . " A wide grin split his face before he motioned to his son , " Ethan , go get your mom ! " The blonde teenager shot into the house as I found myself being wrapped p into a hug , " Oh Sabrina , we knew you would come back to us . " Before I could correct him on my name , an older carbon copy of me stepped out the front door . Once we made I contact , she dropped the mug in her hand and rushed toward me . I was pulled into her arms as she began sobbing . I was crying too , not sure how I had made it here . I had gone from being all alone in the world , to suddenly having these stranger become my family . I clutched my mom tighter , sending us both into a fit of tears again . Somehow , everything was going to turn out all right . |
" Okay , let 's hang the balloons up there , Ethan , " I ordered before turning to my mom , " and the cake can go in the kitchen for now . " We spent the morning preparing for the baby shower , since Julia was due in three weeks . I smoothed my skirt and pulled Julia into the nursery , " Hey , are you doing alright ? You 've been pretty quiet today . " I nodded , " Okay , but feel free to put your feet up on the bed if you need to . " She started to walk away until I held her hand . I smiled , and tried not to get teary as I put my hand on her belly , " I just want to say thank you for this precious gift . I promise to take great care of it . However , after the baby is born , if you change your mind about raising it , I will do nothing but support you , alright ? " She held my hand , before nodding tearily . I led her to the bed and helped her put her feet up . I went back to decorating for a little bit until Julia started whimpering in her sleep . I rushed over to her , careful not to wake her and felt her stomach … . it was hard as a rock . I kept my hand steady on the curve of her belly until the tension relaxed . I kept my hand steady on her stomach while I grabbed my phone . I changed it to the timer and started the timer until her stomach grew hard again . Once again , she began whimpering , so I gently shook her shoulder . Julia cried out in pain , and I put an arm on her shoulders , " Jules , listen , I think you 've gone into labor , so we 're going to take you to the hospital okay ? " We loaded up the careful , and I could only thank Julia for her timing . My dad stayed back to let the guests know what was happening as they arrive . My mother navigated while Ethan drove us , and I was in the backseat with Julia , coaching her through the next contraction . By the time we got to the hospital , Julia had gone through three contractions . Once we were all settled in the room , Julia spoke up , " Thank you guys for coming , m but I really just want Sabrina in here . Ethan can you call my mom and let her know where we are ? " Ethan nodded before walking out , and my mom placed my hand on my shoulder , before heading out the same door . For three hours , Julia labored on her own , we walked the halls , and used the birthing ball until it grew bad enough to warrant an epidural . She sits on the bed and I hold her hand while they do the injection . She fell asleep shortly after that , since it was now almost midnight . I follow suit , but I don 't sleep long because pretty soon , Julia felt the urge to push . I stood next to her , holding her hand as she squeezed mine tighter and tighter . I kissed her forehead , " Hon , you are so brave . You 're doing great . We 're almost there . " She cried out as another contraction came , but her voice was frantic , " Doctor , something 's not right ! I can feel it , please help my baby . " He ordered the nurses to monitor the baby , before strapping her down , " Tell them to get the OR ready , we 're coming in . " They all began to rush her out the door , and I felt invisible as I tried to get someone to tell me what was happening , " That 's my baby in there , what 's going on ? " Luckily , a nurse heard , " The baby 's heart rate is erratic , we need to get her out of there as fast as possible . " Before I could ask any more questions , I was ushered into the hallway , . I chased after the team rolling Julia down the hall , " I 'll be right out here for you , Jules . Be brave , honey . " I leaned against the wall and burst into sobs . As I was crying , I strained my ears for the sound of my baby 's cry , but none came . The agony was killing me , and I slumped to the floor from exhaustion until I heard a familiar comforting voice , " Sabrina ? What are you doing here ? " I looked up and was so glad to see Justin that I forgot where I was for a minute . I stood up and smiled at him , but the minute he wrapped his arms around me , I broke down into intense sobs . He held me tight , " Hey , hey … what 's wrong ? C ' mere , " he led me to a group of chairs down the hall . I wiped my tears as I sat down and faced him , " I 'm sorry . I didn 't mean to literally cry on your shoulder . " He laughed softly , " It 's okay , Sabs . What 's going on ? " I tried not to tear up as I explained about Julia and the baby before asking him , " What are you doing in the Maternity Ward ? He laughed , " My sister just had a baby boy , so I came to visit with her . " Before I could say anything , the doctor came out of the operating room , " Miss Quinn ? " I stood up , " Yes ? " He smiled kindly , " Would you like to come and meet your daughter ? " I looked back at Justin , " I 'll call you later , okay ? " He smiled wide , " I 'd really like that , Sabrina Quinn . " The doctor led me through the doors , and into a private room . Julia lay asleep in the bed and a small bassinet next to her . My eyes filled over as I stood next to her . I held her tiny hand , before I was brave enough to pick her . Gingerly , I sat down on the chair next to the bed . I whispered , " You sure gave Mommy a scare , didn 't you sweet - pea ? " I began to hum a lullabye until we were both sleepy . Fearing I would drop her , I laid her back in the bassinet . I leaned back in the chair , my finger grasped firmly in her hand and mumbled as I dozed off , " I love you , Esther Pearl Quinn … . . " Posted on June 15 , 2017June 15 , 2017Categories drama , fiction , Sims 3 , UncategorizedTags babies , drama , family , generation 1 , Hernandez , legacy , pregnancy , Quinn , Sims 3 , sims 3 story , sims3 , sims3story3 Comments on 1 . 15 Unexpected Arrival 1 . 14 The Master Plan ~ A . N ~ I realize I made a really silly mistake . I named Ethan 's girlfriend Quinn , and I completely spaced on the fact this was the Quinn legacy . Big Whoops . . So from here on out I have changed Quinn 's name in the story to Julia So I hope it 's not too confusing … My apologies XD After meeting with Julia , I did as I had promised , I spent the weekend trying to think through their situation and see if I could come up with a solution . Sunday night came , and I pulled Ethan aside , " Bud , it 's time to talk to Mom and Dad . I have a plan , but we need to talk it out as family . Why don 't you call Julia and see if she can come over for dinner . We cam talk over dinner . " If I was a violent person , I would 've smacked him upside the head , " Of course they need to know ! " I dropped my voice to a whisper , " This is your baby , their grandchild . You need to tell them what happened . " Ethan nodded slowly before walking away , pulling out his cell phone . I headed back into my room , to begin preparing for tonight . Before I was ready , evening came and Julia knocked on the door . As my father got up to answer the door , Ethan jumped up , " That 's my friend , Julia , from school . She 's going to have dinner with us tonight , but before you answer that door , you need to know , she 's 8 months pregnant . So please , please , just be cool . " My dad nodded , a serious look overcoming his face , and motioned for Ethan to answer the door . Ethan opened the door , " Hey Julia , thanks for coming . " He led her inside and she turned to our parents , " Thank you for having me over , especially so last minute , I appreciate it . " I stepped in and gave her a hug , " No , thank you for coming over , " I turned and motioned to everyone , " Why don 't we all take a seat in the living room . " My parents nodded , but you could tell the wheels were spinning in their heads . They glanced from each other to Julia 's prominent stomach . We all sat down and I put my hand on Ethan 's shoulder , " Mom , Dad , Ethan has something to tell you guys . " Ethan nodded slowly , taking Julia by the hand , " Uh , I 'm sure you can guess what I 'm about to tell you … . Julia isn 't just my friend from school . We dated at the beginning of the school year . She moved away , and a few weeks ago she moved back to town . That 's when I found out she was pregnant … with my baby . " My mom began to cry , and my Dad stood up and began to pace . I sat up and tried to be a voice of reason but Julia stood up , " Look , this is all my fault . Ethan is just trying to help . " I leaned next to my mom , " Julia has asked me to help her find a solution to their situation , because she doesn 't feel like she 's ready to raise this baby . I have thought of many options , and if Ethan 's agreeable . I would like to adopt their baby . " Ethan looked thoughtfully at Julia before turning back to me , " If that 's what Julia wants , I 'm happy to oblige . Obviously , I 'd still like to be a part of this baby 's life , but maybe more as Uncle Ethan , than Daddy . " Julia threw her arms around him , sobbing her thanks onto his shoulder . My dad stopped pacing long enough to face me , " Are you ready to raise this baby , Sabrina ? You 've just gotten on with your life after the Raj debacle . You have a part - time job , and you still live at home . " I took a deep breath , trying not to get defensive . My dad meant well , and he was still in shock . I sat a little more forward on the couch , " You 're right , I might not be ready now for this baby , but I have an entire month to get ready . My job is minimum wage , but I searched all over Simslist this weekend and I found a couple jobs that seemed decent . Because I live at home , I 've had the chance to save everything I earned as a receptionist for the last two years . In my bank account , I have nearly $ 10 , 000 saved up . I 'll be going apartment hunting this week . I want to help , Dad and I know you 're concerned , but I 'm doing this with or without your support . " As I grew silent , my mother stood up , " We 'll support you , Sabrina . What you 're doing is a very thoughtful and a generous gift . Julia , are you okay with Sabrina 's plan ? " Julia turned towards me , tears streaming down her cheek , " Yes . I can 't imagine a kinder person to raise this baby . I 'm sure my mom will be agreeable to this if she 's allowed to have contact with the baby ; but even if she 's not okay with this plan , this is what I want to do . " We hugged , and the rest of the evening was a little awkward but it went on without any issues . The next morning , I set out on an apartment hunt , barely containing my excitement . I nearly floated from place to place , not even bothered by the fact that I was walking around town in the dead of summer . After a week of apartment hunting and job interviews , luck had turned my way . I managed to score a sweet summer deal on a new apartment across town . It would be a 20 minute drive to my parents , but I was so ecstatic with this place I didn 't even care . The minute I paid for and signed the year - long lease , I began to cry and my new landlord just stared at me like I was crazy . He didn 't understand ! This was the first time in my life that I was actually independent . I didn 't have to ask someone for money to buy clothes , no more using my parents ' money to go grocery shopping . This was it , I was a grown up ! Filled with newfound sense of independence , I spent that week moving in , and when it was all finished , I had everyone over for the big reveal , Julia included . My mom had tears in her eyes as she hugged me , " Hon , I am so proud of you . There is not a minute that goes by that I don 't regret not being able to celebrate life 's milestones with you , but today , I 'm glad to be standing here with you . You 're going to be a wonderful mother , " she kissed my forehead , but we were both bawling at this point , " I 'm only a phone call away if you need anything , okay Sabrina ? " I nodded through my tears and we joined the everyone in the small living area . After everyone left that evening , I looked around at my little apartment . It wasn 't much , but it was mine , and I couldn 't have been happier . I fell fast asleep that night , fully embracing my newfound independence . I take a long sip of my coffee as I gaze over the ocean . Every day , I 'm flabbergasted by the view from our deck . I wait by the phone for the weekly call from Raj . Ever since the incident last month , we checked in with each other weekly . My phone rang , not 5 minutes later , Raj 's voice filling my ears , " Morning , pal " We talked about the random things in our life , until we were getting ready to end the call . His voice grew serious , He laughed , " Don 't worry about me , I 'm getting a fresh start with a cousin in Bridgeport . I 'll keep in touch , but you need to be able to move on and start your life . I appreciate every thing you have done for me , more than you can know , but I 'm holding you back . You 're a great woman Sabrina , and I will always love you . " He hung up the phone shortly thereafter , leaving me in a peaceful silence . Instead of feeling sad , or hurt like I expected , I felt …… . relieved . I could finally get on with my life . I stumbled into the house , accidentally slamming the door behind me . I threw my backpack on the ground , finally noticing my sister in the corner . She stood there watching me curiously , " What 's wrong , bud ? " I shrugged , before turning and heading into the kitchen . She didn 't let me get very far . She practically dragged me into her room and pushed me into the chair , " Seriously , Ethan , what 's wrong . You haven 't been yourself lately and now you 're skipping school ? " My head hung low , I surprised myself by breaking into huge gasping sobs . When I could finally speak , I raised my head and met her eyes , " Back at the beginning of the school year , I met this really awesome girl , Quinn . We were together for a little while , but she moved back in with her Dad in Twinbrook over the winter break . " Sabrina cocked her head at me , but I wasn 't finished , " Well a week ago , she moved back in with her mom , because … she 's pregnant . Like really pregnant , Sabs . " I ran over and gave her a hug , feeling like a lost little kid . I whispered , " Thank you . I 'm so glad you 're my sister . " 3 days after talking with my brother , I made plans to meet with Quinn at the local cafe in town . Ethan had plans to meet up with us later , but I thought it best to start off with just the two of us girls . A little bit early , I grabbed a coffee and waited , my mind racing . I ran through every possible scenario , trying not to form any opinions before I met this girl . I took a deep breath , trying to not come across as judgmental . The bell chimed as the cafe door opened to show a young girl , very pregnant . I stood up and stretched out my hand , " You must be Quinn . I 'm Sabrina " Quinn stiffly took my hand , being very careful to keep her guard up , " Yes , I 'm Quinn . It 's nice to meet you . " Soon after , we were called to our table where our lunch was waiting . A pause filled the air as we both ate . When we were through with our meal , I began to slowly ask her some more questions , " So , do you know whether the baby is a boy or a girl ? " Quinn stood up angrily , leaning against the table " I can barely take care of myself , and my mother is always working . I don 't even get to see her on the weekends , she travels to Bridgeport to stay with her boyfriend . How am I supposed to raise a baby ? " She broke down into sobs , so I led her back to the private area where we had first met , . When she had gained her composure she whispered , " He found the pregnancy test I took before I had the chance to tell him . He let me stay with him until the end of the school year , and then he kicked me out , so here I am . I grabbed her hand , " I don 't know how I can help you , Quinn , but that doesn 't mean I won 't . I 'll give you and Ethan some time to catch up , and I 'll spend the weekend brainstorming . Together , we can work out a plan of action , okay ? " A . N ~ I 'm baaack … Thank you all for putting up with me . I know I 'm not the most consistent of writers , but I appreciate your loyalty . Without further ado … . the next chapter is ready ! I sat up , " Oh , I 'm so sorry , Justin . I 'm not bored , I promise . Just tired . This must be the worst date you 've ever been on . I promise I 'm not usually so boring . " Justin waved me off , " Don 't even worry about it . On my wife and I 's second date , she sneezed right into my mouth as I kissed her for the first time . It was pretty gross . " I laughed softly before falling quiet , and he did the same before saying , " I made this awkward , huh ? By talking about my dead wife on the first date . I guess we 're both excellent at dating , right ? " He laid back against the sand but turned to look at me , " When I first saw her , she had the most amazing smile . You could be having the worst day of your life , but the moment you saw her , all your troubles would melt away . We met at our college orientation . She was leading the freshman group I was in . It wasn 't until the spring semester that I worked up the nerve to ask her out . Three years later , she became my wife . " He leaned in close , lingering dangerously near my face , " Sabrina , I 'd very much like to kiss you right now . " I nodded slowly before his lips met mine . With a passion and tenderness I 'd never felt before , Justin 's kiss sent my spine tingling . I 'll be honest , it was not a short kiss and when I pulled away , I couldn 't stop smiling . For a while , we just sat next to each other , watching the sunset across the ocean . When it was time to pack up , Justin helped me to my car before leaning in to kiss me one more time . He grinned mischievously at me before opening the door for me , " Wanna join Cassidy and I for dinner on Sunday ? " I smiled warmly , " Sure , but only if you agree to have dinner with me and my family on the following Sunday . " He laughed , " It 's a deal , Sabs . " We parted with the promise of next weekend in the air . My spirits were high as I parked the car in the garage and made the short walk to the house . All of a sudden , chills ran down my spine as I spotted a figure standing at the top of the driveway . They were far enough away that I couldn 't see who it was , but I wasn 't about to let them know that . I bolted for the front door , but the voice stopped me in my tracks , " Wait , Lauryn . Don 't go . " I whipped around and began to tremble , " Raj ? " , before I walked closer to the hidden figure . He shrugged , looking completely different . Instead of his fancy suits , he wore some ratty old sweatpants and a t shirt . His face wasn 't as clean as I 'd remembered . I whispered , " I must be dreaming , right ? " I surprised myself by throwing my arms around him , " I though you had died ! I 'm so happy that you 're alive ! Why did they say you were dead ? " He hung his head , " Lauryn , I am so ashamed of the way I treated you . I had no right to smack you around or bully you . Hell ! I shot you , Lauryn ! I wish I could blame it on the alcohol , but I 'm really just an asshole with a drinking problem . " He closed his eyes and started bawling , " I 'm so sorry . I woke up in the hospital , and I begged the doctor to tell you I was dead . I told him you were better off if I was dead . Once I was well enough to go home , I was arrested for battering you , and I spent 6 months in Sunset Valley Correctional Facility . You 're probably wondering why I 'm here now , and why I 'm telling you this . " I nodded softly before he continued , " I 'm 2 years sober now , and I go to meetings every day . Part of the reason I 'm here is because one of the twelve steps is to make amends , and I just wanted you to know how truly sorry I am , Lauryn . " I took his hands in mine , " So much has happened in the 2 years that we 've been apart . First things first , I found out that I was kidnapped by our family 's housekeeper and my name is Sabrina . " I laughed at the shocked look on his face , " I know , imagine how I felt . " He grew serious , " I know that I have no right to ask this , but did the baby survive ? " My eyes filled with tears , and I shook my head , " No . He died before I made it to the hospital . " Raj started crying again , " It was a boy ? " I nodded before wiping my own tears away , this was too much . Emotionally , and physically , " Raj , I 'm glad you 're okay , but I think it 's time you left . I need some space to process this , and I think you do too . " He nodded understandingly , " Laur - . . umm Sabrina ? Here 's my new number , in case you need anything . " He handed me his card , and walked off down the road . I growled in frustration as my phone buzzed for the billionth time . I hardly glanced down , knowing it would be from Nicolai , but not really caring anymore . You 'd think he would have gotten the hint after 20 unanswered voicemails and three times that in unanswered texts and emails . It had been cute at first , but it soon began to annoy me to no end . Just as I was about to turn off my phone , it began to ring , I groaned but was presently surprised to see Justin 's name pop up . We had grown to be close friends after our skating encounter in the park , I answered happily , " Hello ? " With shrieks of joy in the background , Justin 's panicked tone reached me , " Hey , Sabrina . I need your help . There are 6 little girls at my house and I have absolutely no idea what to do with them . " I smiled , " I think I know just the thing . It ; s going to be a hot one later today , so sprinklers on in the yard are always fun . Let 's see …… I got it ! I 'll come drop off my old makeup stuff and they can mess around with it and give each other makeovers . Until I get there , why don 't you pop some popcorn and let your daughter pick out a movie and they can pretend they 're at the movies . " In record time , I grabbed my makeup , picked up the pizza and was on my way to Justin 's house . I yelled angrily as someone shot out in front of my car . I slammed on the brakes , and barely stopped in time . The guy turned to face me , and I saw his face light up … Nicolai … He blocked me as I tried to drive off , knowing I couldn 't go around him due to oncoming traffic . He tapped on my window and I nearly growled at him , " What do you want , Nicolai ? " He grinned at me , " Baby , I miss you . Why won 't you answer me ? " I snapped at him , " Your pouty baby voice is not cute , Nicolai , it just shows you for the spoiled rotten , elf - centered , celebrity that you are . Now please take a hint and leave me alone ! " He opened his mouth to pleaded with me , but I pressed the horn until he turned and walked away . As soon as he was gone , I sped off towards Justin 's house , trying to put the whole thing behind me . When I left later that evening , Justin walked me out to my car , even though I insisted I was fine . We got closer to my car , only to see that my window had been smashed by a rock with a note attached . You 'll be sorry , it read . Justing grabbed my hand and pulled me away , " What 's that about , Sabrina ? Is someone bothering you ? " He snorted indignantly , " Like hell you will , Sabrina ! He threw a rock and broke your window . Something tells me he might be serious about this , okay ? Just let me give you a ride home . It 'll help me sleep better tonight . " He nodded , " Well then I guess I 'll have 7 ladies sleeping over tonight . " I blushed furiously , thankful for the darkness that hid my face . I acquiesced and followed him into the house . He led me to the second guest room before showing me where the bathroom was . I thanked him shyly before flopping down onto the bed . I texted my mom to let her know where I was before falling into a fitful sleep . I was awoken in the morning by six tiny giggles and six loud thumps outside the door . Justin knocked softly , waiting for my reply before poking his head in the door , " Hey , I hate to make you sneak out , but I 'd rather not have these girls telling their parents that I had a lady friend over while they were here , plus Cassidy might get the wrong idea . I have never had anyone else spend the night ever since … . " He whispered his thanks before closing the door . I sat on the bed , wondering why there was this hurt feeling in my stomach . It 's not like we were together , and it 's not like I was sneaking out after a one - night stand type of thing . Why did it feel like he was so embarrassed by me ? I shook my head , trying to remind myself that this wasn 't about me at all . Sabs , Thank you for making the slumber party so amazing for Cassidy . You really saved my ass back there and I really appreciate it . I 'd like to make it up to you sometime , maybe over coffee ? Text me when you get home , and we can set a date . Thanks again , Justin I have a mom , a real mom , one who loves me and bakes cookies and made scrapbooks of my first year . I sat on the couch in disbelief , my parents sitting across from me , hardly containing their excitement . I nodded my head as they made light conversation , why I was so numb inside . Shouldn 't I be just as excited as they were ? I shook my head slightly , and refocused on the conversation . She trailed off as she pushed open the door . I took in the sights and smells of a beautiful nursery … . my nursery . I started crying as memories of Christopher 's nursery plans filled my head . She held me tight until I stopped trembling . I soaked up the comfort , not used to having a mother who actually took care of me . She sighed , " So , how would like your room to look ? " I looked at her quizzically before she laughed , " What I 'm trying to say , is that our door is open if you want to stay a night every now and then , or even come live with us . But we know that that 's a big adjustment , so however you want to work it . " We parted ways that night , as I headed for the hotel they insisted on putting me up in . I laid on the bed , big tears rolling down my face . I had so many emotions swirling around but the more I learned about them , the more I hated my mom , ugh … I mean my kidnapper . I called her after I had finished crying , and left her a voicemail , saying she could find her car at the nearest impound . I hung up and took a much - needed soak in the tub . I flipped through the baby book that Vanessa , my mom , had sent with me . I traced my face in the picture , jealous of how happy she looked . I was determined to be that happy again . I packed my bag , left the hotel and found myself back on their doorway . My dad opened the door and look concerned , " Honey , are you okay ? " I found myself smiling ear to ear , " I have been robbed of too much time from you all . I want to move in and make the most of the new memories we can make . If that 's okay with you guys . " I giggled and my mom appeared next to me , so I chose that moment to address them both , " Guys , I know you 've been confused as to what to call me , because to you I 'm Sabrina , and to me , I 've been Lauryn for the last 18 years that I can remember , but I want to put Lauryn in the past . From now on I am Sabrina Daisy Quinn . " My mom 's eyes filled with tears and we hugged again , my dad encircling the both of us . He laughed , and he showed me the basics . We were both in the heat of competitive driving while Mom made a delicious smelling dinner . Dad settled on the couch with his paper . Ethan shook his head in defeat when were done , and we gathered at the table for dinner . My dad broke up the monotonous sounds of the silverware scraping the plates , " So , Sabrina , if you don 't have any plans this weekend , your mother and I thought we 'd celebrate your return by having a family day at the Sunny Seashell Spa . We own a cabana there part time . " I nodded , thinking that it sounded perfect . The rest of the week flew by in anticipation of our day at the spa . My mom and I both got deep - tissue massages and pedicures while the guys lounged by the pool . We met up by the pool in the afternoon . My dad and I relaxing on the loungers , while Ethan and my mom swam around . I was deep into a book when I heard a " COWABUNGA ! ! " With a huge splash , Ethan dove into the pool , smiling impishly when he resurfaced . I splashed him in annoyance , but I couldn 't help but smile . I got out and dried off , while trying to salvage my book . As I was walking back towards the locked room , something , or rather someone , nearly bowled me over , sending me to the floor . I ducked my head in embarrassment , dazed , but alright . I took the hand offered to help me up , a rich warm voice apologizing , " Oh man , I 'm so sorry . Are you okay ? Oh crap , you 're bleeding . " I looked down at my knee , " Oh yeah , I guess so . " I looked up at him , and did a double - take , " You - you 're Nikolai Cruz …… " He shrugged , " Yeah , but I 'm also the guy who just knocked over a beautiful young lady . " I blushed but couldn 't manage to find my words . I was standing in front of Nikolai Cruz , world - renowned singer , famous for the hit song , " You 've Got My Heart " . I stuttered before he gestured to my knee , " You should get that checked out …… . " I sputtered , " Oh , uh , I 'm Laur - I mean , I 'm Sabrina . " I laughed nervously but he tugged my arm and led me to the first aid station . He stood near me while the on - call nurse cleaned my leg and put a bandage on it . I thanked her before turning to Nikolai , " Mr . Cruz , you really didn 't have to stay . I 'm really alright . I 'm sorry to take up your time . " He laughed before kissing my hand , " Please , call me Nikolai , and why don 't you make it up to me by having dinner with me next weekend ? " I blushed , completely nervous , but I found myself agreeing …… . . I groaned inwardly before peeking out from under the blankets , " I dunno . " I rolled my eyes and ducked back under . I 'd been recovering in a domestic violence shelter , and they had put me up in an apartment with a roommate , Stella . The covers were yanked off of my bed , and I shivered in the cold air , " Come on , it 's 7 in the morning , let me sleep . " I sat up in bed before looking her dead in the eyes , " Don 't pretend you know me , okay , " I lifted up my shirt and showed her my still - healing scar , " I 've been through hell . My boyfriend shot me and killed our unborn baby in the process , while getting himself shot by the police . I have nobody , okay ? " I was crying now , the sobs leaving me unable to speak . Stella stood up abruptly and I heard her bustling around in the kitchen . Begrudgingly , I made my way into the kitchen and sat at our table . The first bite into my waffles reminded just how long it had been since I had eaten a " meal " . I stared down at my plate before apologizing , " Uh , I 'm sorry if I was rude . It 's been a rough month . " Stella put her hand on my arm , " Don 't apologize . I 'm sorry if I was too pushy , I was a lot like you when I first got here . I just care aggressively , at least that 's what my therapist says . I have been here almost 9 months , and I promise you , it does get better . " I smiled until I realized I was crying again , before I whispered my thanks . Stella stood up abruptly , " Well , I gotta get to work . Maybe try getting outside today ? Fresh air makes all the difference , when I get back we can binge watch some Simflix and eat all the chocolate we can . " I nodded and as fast as she talked , she was gone . I decided to take her advice and I tentatively headed to the park . I brought one of the books I had bought to read to Christopher , and clutched it close to my heart . The sun was shining bright , and I sat down on a bench , hoping no one noticed the still - healing bruises on my face . The sound of someone sitting next to me , made me pause in my reading , but before I say anything , or even look up , the stench of cheap booze filled my nose . I looked up to meet the steely gaze of my mother , my very drunk mother . I thought of all the horrible things that my mother had done to me and to herself , I nearly hated her for them , but I still could not , in any good conscience , leave her to find her way home . I pulled her arm until she sat down next to me , " Ma , let me take you home . How did you get here ? " I stood up , pulling her along , " You 're in condition to drive home , Ma . I 'll take you . She huffed about it all the way to the car . Once inside the car , she began pestering me with more and more painful questions , so I finally interrupted her , " Y ' know , Ma , you keep asking me about the father of my baby but in all of my 19 years you have not even mentioned my father . Not once . I think I 've waited long enough . " I had made a point of asking her when I was younger , but she always shut me down . I hoped maybe the alcohol in her might make her forget those walls . She looked at me with sad eyes , " I loved your father very much . He was a charmer . His big blue eyes crinkled when he laughed . " She looked at me and pulled at me for a hug . I tried not to stiffen , but she began to talk , " Oh , Lauryn , I 've done something so very , very bad . Something awful . I can 't tell you . " She nodded soberly , " Okay , but you can 't be upset , " she waited for me to nod before going on , " When I was sixteen , I fell in love with the star quarterback of the football team . Cliche , I know , but it was true . He didn 't notice me until a year after he graduated . We had one night of passion , and I ended up pregnant . " My mother bit her lip , " No , I was pregnant with your sister , but I miscarried in my 5th month . " My eyes grew wide , but I remained silent as she continued , " Anyways , I never told him about the pregnancy or the miscarriage , but I kept track of him as he moved on from college to his career . In fact , I ended up working for him and his wife as their housekeeper . " I stared at her , trying to reconcile what she was saying to the woman I had grown up with . I started to say something but she waved me off , " Let me finish , your father never so much as looked at me after our one shared night , but when he and his wife brought home their perfect baby girl , I was so jealous . I still loved him , and in my mind he was mine . I know this sounds crazy , but it 's how I felt at the time , okay ? I was given the care of their child while they went on with work and such , " She broke down into tears again , " One day , I realized that I might possibly love this child more than her own mother . She was so perfect , and tiny . She smiled whenever I entered the room , and cried when I left at the end of the day . " I nodded , trying get her to the point , " So after I came to that realization , the next day , I waited until they left for work and …… I took that little girl home with me , and we ran away together . I changed hers and my name . Her name was / is Lauryn . " She dropped that little bomb into my lap while I stared at her , my eyes widening by the second . Finally my brain managed to put together a whole sentence , " You mean to tell me that my mom is not my mom , but just some crazy woman who thought I was her daughter ? Wait a minute … . wait … a … . minute … . " She opened her mouth but I whisper yelled , " What 's his name ? " My mom look confused , so I chose to scream , " What is my father 's name ! " I turned and yelled at her , " I don 't care ! I 've taken so much crap from you because I thought it was my fault that you didn 't love , or because it was something that I did . You treated me like I was the problem . Every time you came home drunk , every time you brought home a new man , every time you slapped me , or called me an ungrateful whore , I still loved you , because I thought I was your daughter and that it was my job to care for you , but i was wrong , okay ? I have been caring for someone who has been trying to drink away her regrets , but now , I 'm done . If you weren 't drunk I 'd be the one to leave , but I don 't want yo to kill anyone by drunk driving , so please …… . . get out . When you 've sobered up , call me , and I 'll bring the car back . " After she stumbled out of the car , I sped off , making it home before bursting into tears . My heart ached for someone to talk to . I crawled into bed , back where I started this morning . The sun hurt my eyes when it came through the window . Stella had left some pancakes on the counter for me , but I was in no mood for eating . I got dressed before walking down the street to the library . The computer was open , so I made a beeline for it . I didn 't even know where to begin , so I pulled up my mother 's , excuse me , Maria 's , high school alumni page . I scrolled through it until I found the right yearbook . Smack dab on the cover was the quarterback , my father . I clicked on his picture , and it led me directly to his profile . I wrote down the current address and was out the door in seconds . Several hours later , one long cab ride , one short ferry ride , and one stop on the bus , I stood on his street . I took a deep breath and forced my feet to walk forward . His house was at the end of the street , and as I neared , I could make out two figures on the lawn . It was him , and his son playing catch . I have a brother ! Once within walking distance , I cleared my throat , trying to get his attention . He turned to me and I approached , " Um , hi , are you Walter Quinn ? " He nodded his head , searching me for some sign of recognition , " I am . How can I help you ? " I shrugged my shoulders , " Well , this is going to sound weird , but I think I 'm your daughter … . " A wide grin split his face before he motioned to his son , " Ethan , go get your mom ! " The blonde teenager shot into the house as I found myself being wrapped p into a hug , " Oh Sabrina , we knew you would come back to us . " Before I could correct him on my name , an older carbon copy of me stepped out the front door . Once we made I contact , she dropped the mug in her hand and rushed toward me . I was pulled into her arms as she began sobbing . I was crying too , not sure how I had made it here . I had gone from being all alone in the world , to suddenly having these stranger become my family . I clutched my mom tighter , sending us both into a fit of tears again . Somehow , everything was going to turn out all right . |
I am pretty much on vacation but I thought I would be able to catch up on my posting and other things . So far its been a little slow . We some how picked up three stray dogs in the past two days and now we are trying to figure out what to do with them . The first one is a stray that seems to have been abused , it will not even come near me . The other two are maybe five weeks old , and of course as cute as can be . The only problem is that we really do not have the money to add three more dogs to our family since we already have two and one has addison 's disease which requires daily medications and a monthly shot which gets quite expensive . I read the email again and one thing struck me with an incredible sadness . It was a statement that he made because he was dealing with what he thought at the time was Bell 's Palsy . The statement was : What makes this statement so profound and filled with sadness is that he died three months later of a brain tumor . The tumor was obviously to blame for the paralysis in his face , but he was not aware until a few months later . When he was finally diagnosed with a stage IV tumor it was already too late and he died less than a month later . I have every bit of confidence when I say had he known what he was actually facing when he sent the email he would have still made that statement . He was that type of person . Even in the midst of his hospital stay he still had his humility and his sense of humor . I wonder sometimes why life is like that . He was one of the greatest people I have ever known . When you were feeling down he would always be there to pick you up . When you needed a laugh you could always talk to him and he would make you smile . I spent many weekends going to his house , spent a lot of time with him and his family . The first time my wife met him he had us shooting bb guns in his backyard at 3 AM after a 30 hour drive from California , and I never did stop laughing . At his funeral we were all asked to stand up and tell a story about our lives together and I had so many to tell although many of them were not family friendly , but they were all some of the best times I have had in my life . It has been almost a year since all this happened . It was Christmas Eve when he was first admitted to the hospital which he would never end up leaving . A time when we were all getting ready with our families , wrapping presents , and waiting for the Jolly fellow to climb down our chimney , and he was being admitted after having his second seizure in two weeks . I decided this Christmas I am going to send his son a gift . I want him to have a great Christmas , especially since this will be his first after losing his father . Of course I am sure that is what my friend was thinking about when he knew he was dying . He thought the world of his wife and son , and wanted to make sure they would be taken care of . I decided to play goal during last week 's lacrosse game that I usually coach . I had a great time but caught a ball in the inner thigh . It did not hurt all that much when it happened and bruised quite a lot over the next week . Well its that time of year again . Time to go to an oyster roast . The weather is turning cooler , and I say cooler while most of the people that live down here will say cold because I lived in the northern states as well as the western mountain states and seen much colder temperatures then 35 at night . Dont get me wrong , 35 is pretty cold , but when I have been camping in - 5 this will be a perfect evening in front of a fire eating oysters . Since we have lived here we have been somewhat adopted by this family that invites us to all of these occasions . Fourth of July , graduation parties , the family beach house , and now the oyster roast . The family is an amazing group of people and we are happy to be a part of their group . So here is my proclamation ! I will post on a regular basis from here on out . . . and promise not to take an extended absence unless something comes up ! Really nothing has come up lately . I am just a little behind . So Happy HNT ! I cook , I clean , I do the dishes , I do the laundry , I make sure that my daughter makes it to her bus stop on time . I do the budget , I pay the bills , I have full control over our financial situation , even though I try to include her in it all the time . I take care of the dogs , I feed the fish . At least since it is fall I do not have a lot of yard work to do . Honestly I really can not tell you why . I just have not been posting . I have a lot to say . I have written several draft posts and maybe I should just post them . Well I know I posted a shot like this in the past , but this is one that I took last week . With being sick over the last 24 hours I did not feel like taking a picture last night . Of course this one is a little more revealing then the one I posted earlier and it is a new shot , but maybe a little more of the same . I have a great idea for a shot that I wanted to do last night but it may have to wait until I feel a little better . Just when I thought things were getting back to normal and I was going to be able to post on a daily basis I get sick . It is pretty much the way things happen . Of course I believe that it was probably the stress over the last few weeks that helped fuel the illness , but today I feel a bit better but still under the weather . This weekend was great though . We had a busy one , a high profile breakfast with some dignitaries . A work party that was lots of fun and we met some great people , and to top it all off we bought a car . It will make so many things that much easier , but will still be a little bit of a financial strain . We will make it work though , I have no doubts , but like everything it will be an adjustment . My wife told me when we were negotiating with the salesman about price that I looked as if I was going to pass out . Still losing weight . I am happy where I am now and finally had a chance to check my body fat . Right now it is at 14 percent , so I know I can get it lower . But how low do I really want to go . I was 12 when I was playing sports in college , so maybe a few more percent . I still have yet to hear on my motorcycle , but I know it will work out in some way , so I am not too concerned with it . And I am finally back to work in my normal situation with my normal routine . I don 't mind the changes from time to time but it does make things a bit more stressful . I have not had a chance to relax in more than two weeks and now finally things are back to where they were last month . As the title says . . . I am way to busy this week to do anything other then post this message . I am planning on writing and publishing several posts over this weekend so I may post a HN shot at some point , just not tomorrow . So we had the perfect time , between contracts , where we could get the training in . I found a local class so there would be no traveling , and was excited to take it . I figured on leaving early , getting to the campus to find a good parking space since I was riding my motorcycle and finding the building . They actually tracked me down through my license plate and witnesses saw the person that did it so I went out to talk to them . Of course the person was claiming their girlfriend was driving the car , and they could not remember their last name , which seems to be a bullshit story . But they did admit it was definitely their car that hit my bike , so I do not think that will matter much . Since my bike is my only means of transportation for the most part . I do have a truck but my wife drives it . I have to rely on other people to drive me around until they can get me a rental car on the other drivers policy , which hopefully will be tomorrow . The rain has been falling for the last few days here . We needed it so I am not complaining . It has made the weekend plans a little harder but I think we will find something fun to do . The one thing that was always tough for me was being shy . My next older brother was king , the social butterfly , the guy that everyone liked to be around . He may not have been the smartest in the family or the most athletic but he always had the prettiest girls falling all over him and a truckload of friends that would call him on the weekend . Me , I was the quiet one , the smart one that kept to myself most of the time . I was also the athlete of the family , played three sports , skied , surfed and an outdoorsman . But for some reason I was shy and quiet . And therefore I did not have a lot of good friends . I spent most of my school years with the same people , even still talk to many of them , but my group of friends was quite small . I did not mind being the quiet one . I was able to fly under the radar most of the time . When everyone in my class got in trouble for cheating on an exam that I helped steal with another student , I was the only one that did not get detention . When my friend 's family would not let him hang out with my other friend for a period of time because he was a bad influence on him , his family always let him hang out with me , even though I was just as bad an influence as the other friend . The only thing that I did mind was the fact that I was always overshadowed by my brother . I would meet someone and they would say oh your C 's brother , and they would automatically have an opinion of me . . most of the time they would like me so it was not bad , but my brother did talk an awful lot and so his teachers all expected me to do the same . So I would get in trouble for just being his brother . It was not until college that I became more talkative , and even then I was still the quietest one in the room . I like to observe . I tend to be more analytical when I am in social situations , trying to figure out the dynamic of the room . The one thing that I did become good at later in life , was the bar conversation ice breaker . In fact I was so good that many of my friends would bring me along just to start the conversations when they were trying to pick up women . I don 't know if it was because I would sit and listen to all the conversations around me until I discovered something to talk about or if it was because I tend to open up if I find that I have nothing to lose . In 1960 jazz artist John Coltrane decided to take three giant steps . He quit drinking , he quit drugs namely heroine and became religious . He locked himself in a room for several weeks and quit everything cold turkey . After that he focused on his family , his music , and his daughter . We all take steps in our lives at some point . Taking a chance at a job that brings us across the country , choosing the person to hopefully try to spend the rest of our life with . Bringing a new life into this world . Many of these are giant steps . That is how we define our lives . These steps for Coltrane inspired the rest of his music , one of the greatest jazz albums ever produced was recorded after those steps named aptly enough " Giant Steps . ' This was my first introduction to Coltrane from a friend who sadly passed away this year . A friend who was not even 40 . So this summer I took some giant steps of my own . While my wife and daughter were visiting family in California I changed my diet , changed my workout routine and decided to become as healthy as I could be . I know that being healthy did not have much to do with my friends death , he had brain cancer , but I thought if I wanted to be around as long as possible to watch my daughter get old then I should take care of myself . So I leave you today with the title track to John Coltrane 's Giant Steps . Whether you are a jazz fan or not , this music is incredible and I hope that you like it . It has changed my life on many different occasions . I could only find this video of the song , so don 't worry too much about the content of the video , just listen to the music . . . A friend asked for a chest shot , so I had to accommodate . I want to get a little more artistic with my shots but self - shots are not always easy to do that with . So for now I will have to settle with these types of poses . We are in the end of our fiscal year , and are also going through a merger that becomes official October 1st . Do I need to say that my job is stressful right now , didn 't think so . Not only have I been assigned an incredible amount of projects to do in the next week , but I also have to complete the transition of the data to the new formats . I thought about changing my appointment since this week is bad , but then I decided its my health . I don 't mind going to the dentist , its not my favorite thing . But it is something that I am doing for myself , to keep me healthy , and this is the time that I have to be healthy . I debated a long time before I posted that last piece . It was and has been a very difficult point in my life , and I wanted to keep some of the blog more upbeat . Although these incidents define my life and relationship over the past six years . Things have gotten better . She was hospitalized one or two times a year for the first three years when we moved here , ending completely in 2007 . There was one more incident in 2008 that she should have gone and that I was stupid for not bringing her and thankful that it did not turn out any worse . My daughter remembers some of those times , like spending Mothers Day in the common area of the mental health facility . She also understands she is sick , but still makes the comments like ' Why does mommy sleep all the time . " Or " Mommy is always angry . " In time I know that things will get better , she has a great therapist , and now a great psychiatrist . She is on better meds but not completely stable . It is day to day with her depression . Its like she can see all the good in her life but does not know how to feel happy about any of it . There are days that I sit and watch TV and listen for her laughter . I used to be able to get her laughing so hard that she could not stop and now just hearing her laugh at something on TV or from something my daughter did is enough . Enough to make me realize that things can and will get better . Enough for me to realize that it is better than it was a few years ago . Enough for me to stick around and continue to take care of her and my daughter . But not enough to make me not fear the possibility that the whole world can come crashing down on us at any minute . I still get angry when she tells me she is depressed , not because I am angry with her or the situation . I get angry because I have no control over her depression and despite all the things that I try to do to make it better I will never have that . Most people say that it is enough to be there for her and listen to her , which is what I do all the time . Sometimes , though , I wish I could give her a hug and make it all go away . The room was completely silent aside from her breathing . I was awake slightly trying to get back to sleep . Apparently something woke me up at this hour , because I was extremely tired from the weekend . I reached over and touched her shoulder , wondering if it was just me or should I try to wake her . When I heard another moan I gave her a quick shake to see if everything was ok . She stirred slightly but did not waken completely . I shook her again , and again she did not respond very well . At this point I knew something was wrong and I got up and turned on the light . I called her name slightly louder at this point and got back on the bed to shake her awake . She opened her eyes and looked up at me and looking at her eyes I could see the emptiness . Fearing the worst , that she decided to finish off her medications a month early I went in to wake my daughter to prepare for a trip to the emergency room . As I did so my wife tried to get herself off of the bed , but being under the influence of countless pills she toppled over falling into the armoire that we have as our entertainment center . The top fell into the wall and almost was knocked to the ground . Then I heard the words that brought tears to my eyes . " What is wrong with Mommy ? Help her Daddy , please . " My daughter had walked into the room and saw the scene unfold . Being four she had no idea what was really going on and was scared to see her mom in this state . I did the best I could to straighten my wife up and grab my daughter to give her a hug . Anger , fear and sadness overwhelmed me . I quickly got dressed , and I helped my wife out of the house and into the car . Thinking back I probably should have called the ambulance but half awake and the hospital being a five minute drive from my house , I made the decision to drive her myself . The nurses quickly helped her out of the car and rushed her back to a room . I parked my vehicle grabbed my daughter and headed back in to deal with all the paperwork I knew that was being prepared for me . Thats the funny thing , my wife could be dying and I wanted to be by her side , but all the hospital cared about from me was how was I going to pay for tonights visit . After about a half hour of paperwork and forms one of the nurses came to get me to show my back . She informed me that my wife was stable and she had a list of medications she had taken . She asked me if there was anything else that I may have noticed . I had no idea is what I told her and looked incredulously at the list she presented . Having finally fed her enough charcoal and had her stabilized they let me see her . When I walked in she looked up at me with those sad eyes she has and told me sorry . I smiled and grabbed her shoulder and replied that it was ok . I did not bring my daughter back with me this time , the nurse at the front said they would watch her . The hospital brought in a mental health professional and after a few hours of talking they decided to check her into a facility to help her get better . I signed the paperwork , told my wife that I would return with clothes and left with my daughter . The sun was just starting to come up at this point and I sat for a second at the exit of the hospital with my daughter in my arms and breathed deeply . I had no idea what the days or weeks ahead would hold . I had been here before a few times but I had only lived in this city for less than six months . My support network was non - existent although I am thankful for my neighbor at the time . That was not the first time that I had to deal with that situation . My wife indicates that it is always ' A cry out for help , ' and never to try to commit suicide , but I often wonder with the right combinations would she have succeeded . I think about my daughter in those times mostly . I will recover , I am strong , but I have no idea what would happen if I had to explain this to her . This is my running outfit , and my wife thinks that I look like one of those San Francisco bike messengers . . . She told me this the first day that I wore the shirt in the picture above . So I asked her you mean the gay ones ? I felt the first tear fall down my face before I realized what she was saying . How could she say that after all that has happened ? I sat quietly and heard her ask . " Did you hear me ? " Again my voice broke when I replied , " yes . " I stared at the darkness in my room and thought about what to say but nothing came . I managed to say wow , but wished I could say more . We talked some more that night but I am not sure I heard anything after that , and have no idea what I told her . Over the next month we talked daily , once again our conversations were superficial , although we decided that we needed to see each other . We would joke about how we ended up finding each other , but we all had our issues . We had never met before but were thrown together in this house to become friends . And I could see that they wanted to stop me from seeing her again but did not know me well enough to do anything but say , " I am asking for it . " None of that mattered , " I knew I was asking for it , " but I also knew that I had been broken before and was happier now . I was prepared somewhat for what could happen . I had not built up any walls but I was stronger than that night . Watching from my window , I could see the car turn the corner and a lump grew in my throat . She was here and I could not wait to see here , but I needed to be calm , collected . Showing how pleased I was for her coming , but not seem over eager , or appear desperate . I walked out of the house and down the path as she pulled into the parking space near the road . She waved and flipped her hair the way that I always remember and loved . I could now see her eyes light up as she reached for the door handle and stepped out and back into my life . My mind searched for the perfect thing to say . My emotions took over , what did I actually feel , am I still angry , would I forgive her , am I still in love after mending my broken heart ? I found a few words , as I approached her car and looked down at her . My heart was pounding in my chest and I could not even hear her replies to my questions . I wanted to touch her to make sure she was really there , but instead I walked over and looked at her face . Her eyes caught mine and we stared at each other . The moment lasted a few seconds but felt like it had been years . She was the first to look away , but I had already sensed it , the love was still there . My brother told me there was a message on the machine but when I went to check it , he had already erased it . He was protecting me . He had been there when I walked back in the house wet from the rain , with a broken heart . He had picked up the pieces that I left there by the door that day and helped me rebuild . I knew I should not care that she called . I had not spoken to her since that night . I did not want to know how her new life was . I did not care if she wondered how I was , the pain was too great . But I was drawn to the machine . I looked at the tape and thought maybe it had not been erased , although I did not have a way to play it back . So I went out the next day and bought a mini tape recorder . When I heard her voice I could tell there was a sorrow to it . She said it took her a long time to call and she wanted to see how I was doing . I could sense she was trying to be upbeat but realized that behind the smile she was putting on while talking , she was not happy . I waited . A few days went by and despite every effort my fingers could not dial her number . I picked up the phone several times but my mind stopped me before I could push all the buttons . What if she wanted me back , what if she made a mistake , what if she was just curious to see how I was doing , what if she was calling me to say she was getting married ? I do not know what made me go through with it but I finally called her , one night alone in my bedroom . " Hey , " she said like she always did before . When we were living on two different coasts we talked every night and her voice would always be the last thing that I wanted to hear . Hey was always the first thing she would say when she knew it was me . Even after all these years I still love to hear her say it . I could tell there was unhappiness but the first conversation ended with , we will talk again . She would call me from work , at first once or twice a week . She had not told her new boyfriend that she was talking with me yet . Was she going to break his heart too ? One night while I was sitting in bed talking with her I heard the statement that stopped my heart , " I made a mistake . " I could not bring words to my lips . I thought I was going to die right there . My heart could not take any more of it . My voice broke , but I managed to get out , " with what ? " My heart had been broken . It was left on the rain soaked road behind the dunes where she had spoken those words . I went back to that day in my mind many times . We took a drive out to the beach to talk . The rain was cascading down on the windshield as I stared into the darkness waiting for her to tell me what was so important . The tick of the wiper blades seemed to mimic the beating of my own heart as I already knew what was coming . When she finally spoke , I never actually heard what she had to say . I knew the overall message . We were not going to be together , she was with someone else now and that she was sorry . I gave up my entire life to be with her , everything that I had worked for in the past . I had spent years envisioning my move to the west coast and here I was back on the east because all of that did not matter , I thought it was love . Opening the car door , I felt the rain hit my arm , then my body as I walked out without saying a word . I needed fresh air . It was so stuffy in the car even if it was New York in November . Three days before my twenty - fifth birthday . I walked back down the road we had just come in on , not really knowing where to go . I knew eventually she would have to take me home , but right now I just kept walking . I stopped to look back and realized that she was not coming after me . I was soaked from the rain and my body , heart and mind were beaten down because of the words she just said . I turned toward the car and walked back to her window . She rolled it down and I stared at her and slowly asked , " why ? " I never really wanted to know the answer , but it was the only thing that I could say . I wanted to be angry , I wanted to tell her to fuck off , but my heart ached and I felt numb now . We sat in silence on the way home , an hour drive to my house . I gathered my things and went inside . Having just left my life in San Francisco I had nothing aside from the family left on the east coast , so I went to sleep and when I woke up I told my brother what happened . It was not until six months later that he told me she called . I decided to stay in his townhouse and found a job and was starting to be happy again . Most of my relationships in the past six months were shallow and a few were very uncomfortable since I was trying to find what I had lost in someone I hardly knew . Well I started out great , running about a 9 minute mile , which I thought was good for that distance . I did try to put my cell in my pocket thinking if I actually cramped up and lay dying on the trail that I could call someone to at least cart me off somewhere . When I put my phone in my pocket I noticed that the phone was slowly pulling my shorts down . These shorts lost the drawstring waistband a few months back , not sure what happened . Off I went , 3 . 5 miles into it , sweating like crazy now , its still 90 here in the south , still average a 9 minute mile and feeling great . I did my turn to go back down the trail and realized that my shorts were heavy from sweat and they did not feel right . They were slipping off . . and since I lost a lot of weight the boxers that I had were also big and they started to slide down too . Well there I was about 3 miles from my house , my shorts and boxers falling down to my knees . So I tried to take one hand and hold them up , while the other held my phone . That did not work too well and they still slipped down revealing a little more than I would have liked . So she laughed hard when I explained why I was holding up my shorts , but did offer to help me with my phone so I can switch hands . She rode along side while I ran as I explained my problem to her and asked her to promise not to tell my other coworker that would ultimately never let me live it down . . . but at least the problem was somewhat averted . I could switch hands and I did get to talk with her a while . You 're a redhead I said admiring the hair above her pussy . She was on top of me know completely naked and I finally had a glimpse of her beautiful trimmed pussy hair . I was still in my clothes , it was easier for her to get naked since she started taking off her clothes on the way home from the bar . She slid off of me and onto her knees in front . Taking my cock in her hands , she smiled as her tongue darted across the head . In one quick motion she had my cock fully in her mouth and was stroking with her hand as I let out a long moan . Her pace quickened and I moved my hips up to meet her mouth . She stopped just as I was about to release . She knew I was close and wanted to fuck me instead . I grabbed the sides of her head and brought my mouth to hers as I moved around to get her onto the couch . It was my turn to tease her and I wasted no time burying my head between her legs . My tongue tasted her wetness as I moved it up and down her opening . I brought my tongue down to her ass , circling it around and traced the folds of her pussy up to where I stopped at her clit . I parted her lips to expose it further . My fingers found their way into her opening and she let out a gasp . She was soaking wet now and I was a little worried that she would leave a spot on my couch . So I moved my head up and in one motion picked her up off of the couch and brought her into my bedroom . I could hear her breathing getting faster and felt her hips rock . Then her legs tightened around my head and for a moment I could not hear a thing . She released my head and fell backwards as she came . Briefly stunned from the crushing force of her thighs , I smiled . Moving up her body I positioned the head of my cock on her labia . Slowly I entered her , pausing just after the head slipped in and withdrew it . With each push forward I moved further into her until finally I was deep inside her . I was already close to climax , but wanted to make this time last so I started slowly . Balancing myself on one hand I used my other to tease her nipple . I gradually picked up the pace as I dont think I would have lasted much longer anyway . Pumping furiously into her , the sweat was now rolling off of my nose . With one last thrust my legs tightened up and I exploded inside her . She was already close to coming again so I leaned a little to the side and used my free hand to rub her clit until I could feel her body tense as she came on my cock still buried inside of her . My job is changing , big changes , or maybe no change at all . . . it is all up in the air and it could be months until it is finalized . . . I will have a job , but I have no idea what I am going to be doing . I could be in the same position I am now or I may be moving on and traveling more , not sure which one will be better . My life is crazy , mainly because of the work changes , partly from the weekend and my wife sinking deeper into depression . She is better now but it seems she has to start working every other weekend , which is why she was depressed this past weekend . . working on a holiday weekend . So is this going to happen every week she has to work on Saturday and Sunday , I hope not , it was extremely emotionally draining for me as well as her . Other stuff , my daughter has been recommended for the smart class . . . if she passes the test she will be moved into the class next year . I am proud of her but worried that she may not be ready for the smart class , she is only in third grade . I was in nothing but honors classes , but only in high school . . the gifted class in elementary and middle school were the social outcasts , and I dont want that to be her . She has a hard enough time keeping friends now . My wife and I are now back to sleeping in the same room . Summer is over and we have been able to get my daughter back into a regular sleeping schedule . Before I would sleep in her room , not because my wife and I did not want to sleep together mainly because we were tired of kicking our daughter out of the bed . . . so we caved but now its back to normal and we are starting to look forward to it , at least I am . Our doctor told my wife that many of her health problems are due to her being overweight . Her weight problems are mostly from hypothyroidism and the medication she takes for depression . Of course it does not help a person that is dealing with insecurities to tell them they have a weight issue . So very gently I asked her if she wanted some help or support in losing some weight . I did not put it exactly that way but it was a longer conversation and that was the basic gist . She told me she was not ready yet , but we could start as the weather gets cooler . A delicate balance , I want her to feel better and be more secure . I could care less what she looks like , I think she is beautiful no matter what . But I also want her to be around for a long time , and if the doctor is correct , even though he should not be talking about it as much as he does then she probably could lose a few pounds . Years ago , even after my daughter was born , we spent a good majority of our lives with friends . Dinner parties , camping , cook outs , cocktails , you name it we were involved . It was always the same , we would bring some sort of meat or meatless product and a side dish . It was the cheap and easy way to have a party and still have a great time . We were all around the same ages and all happy where we were in our lives . These were my best friends , and we always did everything together . We even tried to start a company together but when I moved away the interest diminished and it ultimately folded . Yes some of us went our separate ways or got married and had kids but we always seemed to get back together for the big things , birthdays , weddings , opening day of ski season , early mountain bike season in Moab , Utah , the things that mattered . I miss those friends . These days I spend more time at home with my wife and daughter then I do with any of my friends , mainly because I do not have many good friends here that I share the same interests . In fact , I have a very select few that I would call friends and they are all at least 15 years younger than I am . The common interest for most of the people that I hang out with is college football and hunting . I watch college football but have no real interest in discussing the teams because I have no favorite , and hunting , well I have never been and will never go . I do not own any guns , nor do I want to . Not that I am opposed to it , I just dont want to kill any animal and dont want to worry about the gun accidentally going off and hurting someone . I wonder why I moved here , but I know it was a career move . I also wanted to be closer to family , which I am glad that I did . But sometimes it seems that I made the wrong choice , a rash decision during an extremely emotional time in my life , but that is an entirely different and very very long story that I may share but not yet . At the time she was not my wife , although we had been together for almost five years . We actually had broken up because like all relationships we came to the transition period of where are we going and I did not have a great answer to the question . I was not finished playing , but I realized very quickly what my life would be like without her . The sex was fantastic , it was that kind of uninhibited raw primal pleasure that comes at certain times in a relationship . I was thrusting so hard with us in doggy style that the headboard was pounding the wall . It was a good thing that most of the guests were out and about since it was roughly three in the afternoon , otherwise I would have to explain to my friend why there were complaints from my neighbor . It started out a little crazy , with me having to serve my civic duty , but alas I was never chosen . So first bullet dodged . . . and of course things are heating up a little in the ocean . With me a stone 's through from the shoreline I am a little anxious about this massive storm sitting off our coast . The last one was a completely minor one , but yesterday I saw the wonderful white shirt black tie bicycle riding LDS missionaries riding through my neighborhood . Being somewhat of an atheist and cooking dinner at the time I did not want to have to explain my viewpoints and be impolite to them . I know they are serving their greater good and that they all hope to make it into heaven for their service , but I really did not have time to talk and did not want to burn the dinner on my stove . A few more pounds lost and I will be to my fighting weight . This week has not been the best exercise wise for me and I did eat quite a bit over the weekend . . . but its good to have those every once in a while . Makes me work harder the next week . Happy Friday ! At least I had a great workout and am looking forward to the weekend . . . I even worked out harder because I am going to the Olive Garden tonight for their never ending pasta bowls . . . yeehaw ! Well I pretty much met my goal weight , 204 . So now I just want to tone a little more . . . what do you all think ? My personal opinion , I wa . . . |
I think it is safe to say that Marty Boy had a pretty good 2nd birthday . Last year we didn 't do much - just a little get - together with my family at my parents ' house where we had some cake and ice cream . It was strawberry shortcake because Marty loves strawberries , and we just kept it simple . And I 'm glad we did it that way . This year , we made a much bigger deal of the whole thing . In true " Rachel " fashion , I wanted it to be a birth week , but the only real big thing we did before the actual day was decorate the Christmas tree . To be honest , he redecorated the dang thing every day it was up , so that festivity was a never - ending one . While he was watching his movie , I got his first gift ready : dinosaur bedding . As soon as he was finished dancing to the music during the credits of his movie , I told him there was a surprise in his room , so he let me hold his hand and walk him in . When I pointed out the dinosaurs he went crazy . It was an even better reaction than I 'd hoped for , and I 'm so glad that I took pictures of it . I had to run an errand at the mall , which he is usually ok with . But he ALWAYS runs to the candy machines and asks me for " pennies . " . Until this very day I had always just told him I didn 't have any pennies . But it was a special day , so I came prepared ! He was shocked and so excited to get some candy . He chose the little dog bones , this was his way of thanking me after putting the first one in his mouth . I kept the rest in my pocket and gave him two at a time until they were gone , which was after we left the mall . There has never been a smoother shopping trip in our history of shopping together . I really wanted to pack the day full of fun activities , but didn 't want to break the bank , so I decided to take him to the Hill Air Force Base Aerospace Museum , which is free . Richard took him there once , but it was close to nap time and didn 't last super long . Marty remembered it , though , and he 'd asked to go back a bunch of times . It was a hit . His favorite were the " big guys . " We went home for lunch , and my mom came over to surprise Marty with balloons . He loved them . And he loved showing her his dinosaur bedding . Richard came home while the birthday boy was napping , and we actually had to wake him from his nap to head out for his big birthday adventure on time . Waking him is never an easy thing to do , nor does it ever yield very positive results . This day was no different , and I 'm not sure why we thought it would be just because it was his birthday . But Richard had come up with the really great idea to ride the FrontRunner to Farmington and take the boy to see a movie . , and because it was such a fun idea I got super excited about it . So that is why we woke him from a dead sleep on his birthday . Although this picture doesn 't show it well , Marty really did love being on the train . He didn 't really show us by smiling , but rather in getting pretty upset when we had to get off . But then we watched the train drive away and he got excited . I seriously think that it was when the clock struck 4 : 17 pm , and our son turned two years old that he threw the biggest and craziest tantrum he has ever thrown in his lifetime ( up to that point - I 'm sure he 's surpassed it by now ) . He wanted to run right out into the middle of the street , into oncoming traffic , but we wouldn 't let him , so of course he had a meltdown . He calmed down quite a bit once we got to the fountain . We 'd never been so grateful for water set to music . We went to see " The Penguins of Madagascar , " and we all loved it . Marty especially . When the movie was over , we went back outside to watch the fountains again before meeting up with Grandma and Grandpa and Sarah for dinner . Marty gave Richard this mischievous little look , as if to say , " Get ready , Dad . . . " . And then as we walked to dinner at the other end of the shopping center he proceeded to have many small versions of the previously mentioned meltdown . We may have packed a little too much into one day of celebrating , and we really should have known better than to wake up our little sleeping beauty , but even when I think about those holy fits he threw I think it was one of the best days . Ever . We made a lot of memories , and we got to make a big deal about our favorite person in the world . And there 's nothing better than that . Dear Marty Boy , Happy birthday ! You are 2 years old today ( at exactly 4 : 17 PM ) . Though I still call you my baby . You will always be my baby . And you think it 's funny when I call you that . I love making you laugh , and it 's not hard to do . I love the way you like to snuggle when you 're first waking up , either in the morning or after a nap . You still go after Daddy 's ears like they might fall off his head at any moment and you just have to get in all the time with them that you can before they do . And now , you 've started nuzzling your face into the crook of my elbows . I 've stretched out many a long - sleeved shirt in order to bare my elbows for you , but I don 't mind . You have more energy than anyone I know , and I love watching you use it . You 're always running , you rarely walk from point A to point B , and you jump more than anyone / thing I 've ever seen . You 're a really good jumper , too - on the couch , the bed , the floor , chairs , stairs , you name it , you 'll jump on it . And you usually want us to watch you do it , too . We love it when you say , " Daddy / Mommy , watch ! " Your jump is actually also part of your collection of signature dance moves . Spinning in circles , shaking your booty and wiggling your hips , waving your arms around and flapping them like chicken wings are all in there , too , but the jump is really where it 's at . You 're currently perfecting your " spin move " and incorporating it into as many parts of the day as you can : as we walk / run to the car , walk down the sidewalk , or jumping on the couch . You even make your cars do spin moves as you drive them around the coffee table and furniture . Speaking of cars , you 're kind of obsessed . Not only with cars , though . Tractors , trucks , buses , bikes , trains , and especially ambulances are all part of the obsession . I think it 's safe to say that you almost always have a car in at least one of your hands , whether you 're in the tub , climbing a ladder to a slide , or reading a book . Your cars / trucks / tractors / trains are never far from reach . Racing . Did I mention the racing ? You caYou 're so smart . I know I 'm biased because you 're my son , but I just think you are so smart ! You can count to ten ( usually on your own terms , not often on command ) , and you do best when we play hide and seek . Hide and seek is pretty fun to play with you because you love to find and be found - if you think it is taking us too long to find you , you start growling to draw us in , or just jump out and do that irresistible growl - laugh you do when you 're really excited . Back to counting : you 're favorite numbers seem to be six and seven , but Daddy and I have both heard you count from 1 to 10 without skipping any numbers . You have a memory like an elephant . We check out new books every week or two when we go to story time at the library , and before we return them you 've got them memorized . I know this because as I read them I will pause at the end of every other sentence and you will finish it for me . And you will even mimic the way that I say them ( like growling when I say " vroom , " or making your voice higher to say " hooray ! " ) . You 're getting so good with colors - you 've know green , blue , red , orange , yellow , pink and purple . Even if you tell us that most things are " boon " ( blue ) . You 're a singer , too , you know . You can 't really carry a tune quite yet , but you love when we sing songs , and you 'll help us out with the words just like when we read stories . Baa baa black sheep is probably your all - time favorite , and the one that you request most often , but you also love " ring around the rosy , " " popcorn popping on the apricot tree , " " once there was a snowman , " " I am a child of God , " and " Jesus wants me for a sunbeam , " among others . You love to look at books and be read to . Your favorite books right now are " Bob 's birthday , " " Go , Dog , Go , " Mr . Doodle had a Poodle , " " Green eggs and ham , " " Monsters , Inc . , " and the musical book of nursery rhymes . For only being 2 , you sure have a lot of friends . Every morning when you look outside and see the Hyers ' house across the street , you immediately start asking to play with Hudson . He may be two years older than you , but you guys play together pretty well . And little Esther loves playing with you , too . You always have fun when we meet the Johnson twins at the Tree House Museum , and it 's pretty clear that you love playing with Emma while Mom is visiting teaching . My favorite is watching you play with Maddie ( " Mannie " ) , though . You run and laugh and play and wrestle and dance better with her than any other friend , and it always sounds like you 're being tortured when we have to leave her house . I 'm glad you have so many little buddies , and I hope that it stays that way . Good friends are important . They matter . I think you 're also starting to make friends in Nursery at church . You have come so far since that first awful day at Nursery , when we were both in tears . You still don 't like going to the church , I think because you 're worried we will leave you , but as soon as you walk in that door and take your teachers the star with your picture on it , you 're happy to be there . And we love picking you up - it is the highlight of being at church for us . It was only about two months ago that we asked you what you did , and you actually answered us - you told us that you sang songs , and played with toys and bubbles . It melted our hearts , and we were so glad and relieved that you were happy about it . When we 're pretending to be on the phone , you always call one of your friends ( usually Hudson or Maddie ) . You ask them how they are doing , and then you tell them about elephants . Even when we are really on the phone with someone , like Daddy or grandpa or grandma , you almost always tell them about elephants . Sometimes we haven 't seen or talked about them for days , but it seems they are just always on your mind . Your favorite foods include pizza , pesto pasta , pickles , pears , oranges ( canned or fresh , you love them all ! ) , macaroni and cheese , blueberries , quesadillas , cheese of any kind , hummus ( you don 't even need chips ) , tomatoes , goldfish / fishy crackers , bacon , fruit snacks and gummy vitamins , juice , suckers , ice cream , and popcorn . Oh my , you love popcorn ! You call it " pop pop , " and we love making it for you when we have a family movie night . We also love that you love movies . It used to be that you only had eyes for Elmo , but your movie interests have expanded to include the likes of animated films as well . We 've gone through long stretches where you 'll watch only one movie , but thus far they 've been really good ones : Wreck it Ralph , Monsters , Inc . , Cars , Frozen , and currently you 're quite smitten with Tangled . I swore , before I had you , that I 'd never let my kids watch movies . What did I know ? We love watching them with you , and seeing you be excited by a story or character . We love cuddling up on the couch as a little family , and then dancing like crazy to the music that plays during the credits at the end . You also love to dance like crazy to Daddy playing guitar , but only if it 's " loud " and " fast . " You get frustrated when he starts to slow things down or do some finger picking . Your smile is to die for . It was Labor Day weekend when you started to really cheese it . You squint your eyes as much as possible , scrunch up your cheeks , and grin like the silly , goofy boy that you are at your core . And now when we ask you for a smile , that is what we get . It never ever disappoints us . You love dogs , but still get a little nervous around them . You love cats so much that I think you might hug one to death someday . I will try to prevent that for all our sakes . You love jumping on your bed naked , and you 're starting to tell me when you poop and want to sit on the potty . You love your grandparents on both sides . You still suck your left thumb and rub your right ear ( and we still think that 's ok ) . You pick your nose and eat the boogers you get out if we don 't snatch it away first . You have one volume : LOUD . You love to help with laundry , and by help I mean make a mess of it . You like to drive your cars on the inside of the dishwasher . You laugh pretty hard when we try to kiss you at the same time ( 3 - kiss ! ) , and you love to separate Mommy and Daddy when they kiss each other . Most nights it takes both of us to get you to sleep , Daddy first , then Mommy . You 've got a great throw ( no matter what it is that you 're throwing ) . You love to help Daddy play the guitar , and you like to use picks to do it . You also love to sit on Dad 's lap and play the drums , and " help " Mommy vacuum . More than anything , you 're a sweet , smart , funny , happy , energetic , and loveable little boy . You make us the happiest and proudest parents in the world , and you occupy the biggest space in our hearts . Thinking about how much I love you brings tears to my eyes , and a smile to my face . Thanks for making our lives what they are - it 's sometimes hard to remember what they were before you got here , because they are so much better and fuller now . It 's been 3 and a half weeks since I wrote this post . I couldn 't bring myself to publish it , but now I feel I need to . I don 't want it to just sit and collect dust where I can 't even look back on it . This is my journal , and I need to have it " out there " as part of my closure . That seems like the wrong word to use . Maybe healing would be a better word . Because I 'm still sad , but I 'm ok . I 'm healing . And I 'm so happy and thankful for what I have . 3 weeks ago : I 've never had a " worst day of my life . " I can easily think of the best : Marty being born , marrying Richard , Paul McCartney concert with my family . Those are at the top of the list , anyway . And I probably could have thought hard to think back on a fight Richard and I have had - there have been a couple of doozies - but I don 't know if they would really fall under the Worst Day category , or meet whatever criteria there might be for something like that . That changed on November 3 , though . Earlier this year , we started talking about when we thought we might like to have another kid . It was kind of a scary thought , but as time went on , it was something we both knew we wanted . And as even more time went on , we realized it was something we really wanted . Like , not just something we felt like we needed to do so that our kids aren 't spaced 5 years apart . We wanted it . So , I went to the doctor and had him take my IUD out . About a month went by , I had my first normal cycle , and then we were on our family vacation and Marty was sleeping in the bed with us , so nothing happened right away . We never had the " let 's try " conversation , but I was paying very close attention to when I would most likely be ovulating , and let 's just say we had a lot of fun . As the days went by - if I 'm being honest , I was actually counting the minutes as they passed ! - I wondered if I might be pregnant , but I waited until well after I should have had another period to take a test . I even told Katie when we were in Las Vegas that I might be , that I was almost certain that I was pregnant , but I was just a little scared to know for sure . Because it was something that I wanted so badly that I didn 't want to find out it wasn 't real . The week after I got home , I took it . I didn 't know if I should wait for Richard like I did with Marty Boy , and I was so nervous and kind of freaking out , so I just did it while he was at work . Marty was eating a snack in his high chair , so I went in the bathroom and peed on the stick . I left it in there for like 45 minutes without checking . I was too nervous . I got ready for my volleyball game , got Marty ready for his night home with Richard , and when they 'd gone down to watch a movie together , I finally checked it right before I walked out the door . POSITIVE . This was a risky move , because if it had been negative I 'd probably have been really upset , but it wasn 't so I was thrilled . I ran down to kiss the boys goodbye , and I told Richard there was a surprise for him in the bathroom . He totally thought Marty I kept feeling pretty normal , except for a week of awful indigestion which could have been from anything . I also started to feel nauseated in the afternoons , which I chalked up to " morning sickness " or something , neither of which I ever experienced with Marty . I kept waiting for my boobs to start hurting , because that was the big clue the first time around . It finally started happening last week . I still hadn 't seen many symptoms , though , and I was starting to be a little nervous , so I took another pregnancy test . Still positive . I thought it would be , but mind monsters started getting to me , and I had to do it " just in case . " I was totally relieved . Especially because I know so many people who have had miscarriages recently . That always made me really nervous , but my mom never had any miscarriages . I don 't know if that means anything at all , but I remember Dr . Hartman telling me that if my mom got sick I was likely to get sick , and if she got vericose veins that I was more likely to get those , too , so for some reason I just lumped miscarriages with that short list of things that are hereditary . Last weekend , the weekend before our Monday afternoon appointment , I started to get super excited . I was basically counting down the minutes until we would get to see our little baby 's heartbeat . I confirmed with Richard that he would be there - he was going to leave early from work and just meet us there . I asked him if I should ask Rebecca to watch Marty Boy , and he said no . He wanted our little family to all be there for this exciting thing . Monday rolled around , and it just felt like 3 : 00 would never come . But it did . Marty woke up at the perfect time from his nap , and off we went to the hospital . He was a little nervous when we got there , I think because he remembered his old pediatrician 's office , but as soon as he realized it wasn 't for him , he was fine . Running around the waiting area , chomping down his pickles I 'd brought for his snack , and just being his perfect little self . When the nurse called me back , I told her that Richard was on his way , and she said we could just get the boring stuff out of the way first : weight , blood pressure , etc . We did , and Marty was just sucking on a sucker , with not a care in the world . She led us to the exam room and asked me to take off my bottoms . I couldn 't remember if he 'd done an actual exam at our first appointment last time , so I didn 't ask any questions . I just did it . Marty sat on a chair like a champ , and we chatted while we waited for Dr . Hartman and Richard . Hartman got there first . He asked me a few questions , and determined that I was actually 10 weeks along , not 8 . He also said I didn 't need to be half - naked because I had a pap - smear at my last appointment , but that train had already left the station . When he was about to get started , like literally pulling my shirt up to squirt the jelly on my belly , Richard walked into the room . Perfect timing . He was all smiles , and I was so happy he was there . He picked up Marty , and walked around behind Dr . Hartman so that he could see the monitor for the ultrasound . He moved the thing around a bit , and I couldn 't see anything . He was super quiet . He said that he was confused , asked who had done the tests . I told him I couldn 't see anything , and that I took two , one just last week . He said that my bladder was so full it might have been making it hard to get a good angle on things . I told him I didn 't go to the bathroom for a long time because I thought they might need me to pee in a cup . He backed up , grabbed another wand , and came back over . He said that heWhen the boys walked in a minute later , I told Richard about my appointment . He hugged me , and I just kept crying . Marty ran over and started tugging on our legs . He kept saying " Mama , " which eventually turned into " Mommy . " He 's never called me mommy . He started to give me big hugs - he does this when he knows I 'm sad - the good kind , where he is the one who holds on longest . And amid all of the " mommy 's " he said , " mommy , wuv you . " He has never said that to me before . He has said it to Richard , but not quite as clearly as it was this day . He said it twice . Richard walked back over to us , hugged us both , and I just kept crying . This moment was the thing that kept me from shattering into a million pieces . My sweet Marty Boy . Richard had a guitar lesson that evening , so he got ready for that . I usually make dinner while he 's teaching , but I was in no mood to cook , so I put a movie on for Marty and drove to Cafe Rio to get us some dinner . While we were eating , after the guitar lesson was over , there was a knock at our door . It was my mom , and she 'd brought us some pumpkin steamers from Kneaders . My favorite . She gave me a hug , but I didn 't cry . Then she sat with us for a few minutes and we talked for a little bit . I can 't remember if I cried the whole time she was here . I think I was cried out for the moment . I asked her to tell my dad , because I just didn 't want to talk about it anymore . And then I asked her not to tell anyone else . It was so nice of her to come over , and I really appreciated just knowing that she was thinking of me . Later that night , I got text messages from my dad and Sarah . Both telling me they were sorry and they loved us . I should have known my mom would tell my sisters . She told Chelsea the next day . I just told them both thanks , and not to tell anyone else . Also that I don 't want to talk about it when I see them . The rest of that night is a blur . I just can 't remember it . The next day , Hartman 's office called and asked if I could come in on Wednesday instead of Thursday . I said yes , feeling relieved and sad at the same time . Relieved that it would be over one day sooner , and sad for the same reason . It was so weird , the timing of that call . Marty got tired about an hour earlier than normal , and he fell asleep really quickly for his nap , which never happens . And not five minutes after I left his room , my phone rang . I 'm glad he wasn 't awake to see me lose it again . My mom got to the house for our Tuesday lunch shortly after that , but she only stayed for a couple of minutes . We worked things out so that she would watch Marty for me , and then she told me to get some rest . I didn 't have much of an appetite , which isn 't my style at all . Usually in an emotional situation I 'm an over - eater , but this was different . I slept while Marty slept , and when he woke up I felt bad for being such a bum all day , so I took him to the Tree House for an hour before they closed . He had a great time , playing with the trains , checking on the cow and sheep , and even drumming his little heart out . I hope that my sadness hasn 't affected him negatively . It didn 't seem to that day , at least . That night Richard and I planned for him to be at the hospital when I woke up the next day , but for some reason I just kind of wanted to be alone before the procedure . That 's not really my style , either . Normally I want to talk about and analyze things to death with him . But this time I didn 't want to dwell on it or talk about it up until the very moment it would happen . I just wanted to read my book and try to keep my mind off of it as much as I could . I knew it wouldn 't really work that way , but I felt like I just needed some time to myself with this . I really didn 't want to be alone after , though . The morning of November 5 , Marty and I did our normal thing : we ate breakfast together , watched a show and got ready , and then we had to go to the store to get a stupid pill for me to take before the surgery . He was such a good sport , being super playful and happy all morning . We went home , and before I knew it my mom was there to pick us up . I got the diaper bag ready for her to take Marty to Tree House , and then they took me to the hospital . I checked in fine , but as soon as I sat in the waiting area I started to cry . When I finally stopped , I read my book for about a minute before they paged me to fill out paperwork . I cried up at the counter , and then again when my nurse came for me . She was very nice , and as soon as I sat down in the consultation room , she grabbed my hand and gave me some tissues . She took my vitals , asked me some questions , and then led me to my waiting bed and asked me to change my clothes . The next nurse who came in to give me my IV started to tear up when she saw me crying . She was very nice , too , and it was nice to talk to her about other things . When she left , Dr . Hartman came in . He asked how I was , and if I had any questions . I said I was ok , and that I had none . He squeezed my foot , and then explained some of the recovery stuff to me . He said that it was going to be more of an emotional recovery than a physical one , and that I don 't need to be examined by him afterward , but if I would like to I can make an appointment to talk with him in about a week . I 'm not going to , but I appreciated it . I was crying , of course , and he squeezed my foot again before he left . Those two little squeezes meant a lot to me , coming from him . I ended up being in that waiting area long enough to finish my book , read the information they 'd given me , and then try to take a nap . I couldn 't fall asleep , but I did start crying again . Luckily it wasn 't long before my anesthesiologist came in to start giving me drugs and wheel me to the operating room . He patted my shoulder as I was crying on our way down the hall , and I kept hoping that I would pass out soon , but it didn 't happen . As they wheeled me into the room I could hear people laughing and joking around . It was the nurses and staff who were going to be helping with my procedure , and it really made me mad . As they helped me scoot from my bed over to the operating table , one nurse said , " are you just a little scared ? " and I said " no . " and kept crying . I wasn 't scared , I was sad . I was devastated . I was heartbroken . But I didn 't have to listen to them much longer because the anesthesiologist put monitors on my chest and then oxygen over my mouth and nose , and that was the last thing I can remember before I slowly woke up in the recovery room . As I was working my way through the fog , I felt tears still running down my face , and I heard someone telling someone else to take me to 2nd phase recovery where my husband was waiting for me . When I finally got there , I didn 't see Richard . I was really crying , and I asked where he was . The nurse said she would go get him , and after no time at all he was standing right beside me . He hugged me and I just cried . Then he had a seat and asked me about it . I told him what I remembered , and it was so nice to have him there . He 'd had to wait about 45 minutes , and I felt bad that he was missing work , but I was just so glad to have him with me . Our nurse here was so nice . She brought me apple juice , and then she brought us both hot chocolate . I 'd been fasting , and even though I don 't remember feeling hungry or thirsty , I drank my drinks so fast . I didn 't want to stay there any longer than I absolutely had to , so I changed my clothes , Richard went to get the car , and the nurseRebecca had texted me while my mom and sister were over , asking if everything was ok because she had seen my mom taking care of Marty throughout the day . I answered letting her know what had happened , and later that night she came over with ice cream . Richard and Marty had gotten home , so Richard put him to bed while I talked with Rebecca in the front room . I was starting to feel a little better , and wasn 't near as emotional , so I was ok talking about it . I was glad to finally tell the only other person who knew I was pregnant what was really happening , too . I 'm so grateful for her friendship , and feel so lucky that we moved in across the street from them . Since Wednesday , I have felt a lot of different emotions , and I 've had so many thoughts go through my mind . Richard and I have talked about it so much , and we just have so much love for our friends who have had to experience this , some more than once . He is so confident that we will be able to have another baby , and I want to be that confident , too . Little slivers of worry and fear are present when I think about it , though . I am starting to feel a little more normal , but these waves of sadness hit me occasionally and leave me crying in their wake . It has happened in the car , in the shower , in bed , at the computer , on the phone , watching a movie with Marty . No warning , just tears . I 've tried to tell Richard how weird it is to feel all of this - normal and heartbroken at the same time . Like I should start moving on , but not sure how . He said something that made me truly believe that he knows just how I 'm feeling , even if he 's not crying about it . He said that it 's hard to move forward when there 's not really a sense of closure . Agreed . I found these quotes online that describe that feeling pretty well : It 's not that I thought I was special . I knew that miscarriage was a possibility from the very beginning , and that is why we told ourselves that we were waiting to announce it to anyone . But I think I wanted to believe I was special , and that I wouldn 't have to experience it like so many I know have had to . And I for sure know that I wasn 't expecting it . Even when I was feeling superstitious and nervous , I never really thought that it was going to end like this . Although I 've been wanting to " get it over with " from the moment I knew there wasn 't a heartbeat , I just don 't want it to really be over . Because even though I hate this feeling of loss , I also don 't want to forget it , and there is nothing for me to remember it by . I think that is why I 'm writing it all down . I 'm documenting it so that there will some proof . Proof that we did get pregnant , and that we were so excited for our little baby to come . Proof that our little baby only made it to 8 weeks , but that we didn 't know it until 10 weeks . Proof that although Richard is a rock who is holding me up , that he is also disappointed and sad and feeling a loss just like I am . Proof that my heart can be so full of love for Marty Boy , but also broken for the little baby I will never know in this life . Proof that I loved him / her so much even though we never got to meet , and proof that I 'm not quite sure how to say goodbye . I don 't think that my situation is harder than anyone else 's . But I think that for me it is especially difficult to have happen now . Now that I know . I was so scared of being a mother for so long . So scared of all of it : pregnancy , delivery , breastfeeding , motherhood , marriage with kids . And while we were busy being scared , we stayed busy having adventures , making memories , being in love , and having fun with just the two of us . But once Marty Boy came along , he showed us how special life can really be . The adventures we have with him , the memories we make , the fun that we have as a family ( that I am IN LOVE WITH ) are special in a league of their own . My heart is changed , and I love being a mother , with Richard as the father , more than anything I could possibly imagine . I don 't think I could have known what an incredible loss this really is without knowing how special it was going to be to add to this little one to our mix . I knew it , and now I 'm feeling this loss on a more special level than I would if I didn 't know it . I 'm going to keep on loving being a mother , with the best father and husband ever . I 'm going to keep having adventures , making memories , being in love , and having fun with my little family . I 'm going to be ok . Eventually . And I 'm going to keep loving the baby I didn 't get to hold or know in this life . Every summer , my parents ' employer hosts a work Lagoon day . This year they offered to pay for all of us because they really wanted to show Marty off to all of their friends and coworkers . So , we let them . There was a little drama with scheduling because although we 'd had it planned for months , it ended up being the day that Richard had to harvest the honey from his beehive with Spencer Bowman . That sadly meant that Richard didn 't get to stay for the entire time , but he did get to see and be a part of the very best things that happened that day . There were moments when his face didn 't quite show the level of enthusiasm that I think he was actually feeling . Like this , for instance . Not a lot of emotion on that face . But did he want to get off of that helicopter when it came time ? No way . Also , I didn 't let him suck on every handle bar in the park . I just tried to pick my battles and be realistic about the gross things that my toddler is inevitably going to do . It made for a much more relaxing and enjoyable day than it potentially could have been . I 'm sure people thought we were totally obnoxious as we yelled Marty 's name and leaned over the railing to wave at him every time he came around on a ride , but we didn 't care . I seriously almost started to cry as I watched him go on his first solo ride . He was totally fine , didn 't need us at all . He loved it , and he laughed and waved back to us as he went around and around . It was one of those moments where I have to focus on really enjoying so I don 't get sad that he 's getting to be such a big boy . It 's a bittersweet thing . Just a little bit bitter , and whole lot sweet , though . I swore to Richard that we wouldn 't go on the train because the " zoo " that it drives through has " animal cruelty " written all over it . But when Marty saw the " choo - choo " my soap box disappeared and I HAD to take him on it . The kid loves trains , I love him , so what was I to do ? The last ride he went on ( two times in a row ) was the merry - go - round . I 'm glad we ended on such a good one . He was starting to lose steam , but this one perked him right back up . Richard was planning to come back if we thought we were going to be staying late into the night , but I called him and told him not to worry about it . After running on all cylinders all day long , Marty finally crashed hard - core . And when my mom and I sat down for a minute because we weren 't chasing him around anymore , we realized that we were spent , too . So , we packed up the car and headed home . It sounds silly , but Lagoon was magical that day . That chamber of my heart that magically appeared when Marty was born was beating a million times per minute while I watched him having so much fun . I love watching him experience something for the first time , and getting to experience it with him . And I love it even more when Richard and I are both a part of it . Parenthood is chaotic and hard and tiring and sometimes makes me feel like I am going nuts , but it is also the most special thing in the universe . It is joyful and funny and fulfilling and completely satisfying , and there is nothing that makes me happier . Last year we went had an east coast adventure when Richard graduated from the DCELP program in Boston . We invited our dads , and it was 11 days we will never forget . We loved that vacation , and we 've always said that we want to be a family that makes fun memories and has travel adventures together , so at the end of August , we took our second big family trip . This time we went to San Diego . Although Richard and I both decided we wouldn 't really want to live there ( even if we could afford the cost of living there ! ) , we had a great time . It all started with a short flight . Marty was a champ , and I seemed to have packed just the right amount of snacks and toys for all three of us to stay entertained for the entire time . Next , we hopped on a shuttle to pick up our rental car . That wasn 't anybody 's favorite part of the trip . Not even the second time we went there , on our second day , to trade in the car for one with a working air conditioner . But I will say it was one of the best decisions we made the entire trip . No AC = no bueno . We stayed at a hotel on Point Loma Naval Base , right in San Diego . Richard was able to get us a screamin ' deal because he is an Air Force employee . We will probably only stay on military bases for the rest of our lives , or at least for the rest of the time Richard works there . Whichever lasts longer , I guess . It was that good of a deal , and it was that nice of a place . It was also within walking distance of a shopping center that we killed a little time at . The only real plans we made were to visit the San Diego Zoo . We had recently been the Hogle Zoo with Scott and Megan , but we both wanted to see it , and we thought Marty Boy would love it . The first thing we did was take a bus tour of the entire park , thinking it would help us get oriented , and that way we could decide what we really wanted to walk around to see . The park was humongous , and totally overwhelming . It was incredible , but definitely not easy to navigate . Even after the bus tour . We were constantly looking at park maps and making U - turns . There is no easy way to make a big loop and just see everything , either . We spent a lot of time looking at the monkeys / gorillas / apes . And thank goodness the boy wanted to play on these statues for awhile . Richard and I were getting to the point where we were kind of over the zoo , but felt like we really needed to stay longer to get our money 's worth , and also to show Marty a good time . Even though he was probably over it , too , because he was throwing A LOT of fits . Anyway , we took a little break , ate some snacks , and got right back to it . It was worth every sweaty minute when we got to the elephants . This kid loved them . And we loved watching him love them so much . I think he said the word " eh - fint " ( elephant ) more than any other word that entire week . Our other favorite exhibit was probably the hippos and the lion . They were both huge , and right up close to the glass , and really cool to see . It makes me sad to say that it was behind glass . Even though this zoo had amazing exhibits , it was still a little sad to think of all those animals in captivity . Our tour guide told us that it is a facility that breeds endangered animals , and saves lots , too . So that 's something , I guess . Anyway , we saw a lot of really cool things , but after like four hours we were ready to call it quits . So we found a park map , located the gondola ride , and trekked it over so we could get back to the front gates and get the heck out of there . Richard took Marty and I back to the hotel so we could take a nap , and then he drove around and explored the area a little bit . Then he took us to a place he thought we 'd really like : Mission Beach . He was right . Our first stop was a gourmet grilled cheese restaurant . TO DIE FOR . Basically my dream come true . Mine had macaroni and cheese in it , and I loved every bite . Next , we went over to the pier where all the action was . There was a roller coaster , lots of rides and games , and even an " indoor " surfing competition . We watched that for a little bit , but then we hit the jack - pot and took Marty on the merry - go - round . I know this picture is blurry , but he was so happy , and this is the only one that really shows his smile . He was so excited ! We let him choose which animal he wanted to ride , and he insisted on this cat with a fish in its mouth . He loved every minute of it , and frankly so did we . There is just nothing better than making this kid really stinking happy . Our first trip to the ocean was on a private beach at another Naval Base hotel . There were multiple " campuses " for the base , and this wasn 't the one we were staying on . But it was nice that it wasn 't very busy . We all lathered up with sun screen , and headed straight to the water . I was shocked that Marty did shove fistfuls of sand into his mouth within the first ten seconds of being on the beach . And I kept thinking I was surprised it hadn 't happened yet , but never said anything out loud for fear I would jinx it . He really loved the salty taste of the water , and kept licking his hands . And then , I can 't remember if it was Richard or myself , but one of us brought up the fact that no sand - eating had taken place thus far . Big mistake . Shortly after , the sand - eating commenced . Woof . The combination of the sun , running in sand , and playing in the water pooped our little buddy right out . But we didn 't let that stop us . A couple of friends had mentioned a BBQ place called Phil 's , which was really close to our hotel , so we stopped there for lunch . Definitely the best local food we ate while we were there . We should have gone back a second time ( when we sadly happened upon the worst seafood of our lives ) , but we didn 't . Luckily , though , we went the first time , and enjoyed every finger - licking bite . Later that day , we went to La Jolla to see a bunch of seals . They wreaked . Bad . It was kind of cool to see , but we 'd waken Marty from a nap , and he wasn 't too thrilled about it , so it really wasn 't anyone 's favorite vacation memory . But then we found a little ice cream / bakery called The Baked Bear where they make delicious ice cream sandwiches out of whatever cookies / brownies / doughnuts you want . I got mine with one brownie , one cookie , and the best birthday cake ice cream ever . It turned my frown upside - down in no time . We then headed back to the beach . I think it was still mission beach , but just a different stretch . More conducive to actual beach activities . Pretty sure Marty was happy to be in a giant sand box for so much of our trip . I really had to just not think about the mess we would eventually be cleaning up from sand being in every crevice of his body , clothing and diaper so that I could let loose and have as much fun as he was . It wasn 't hard to do when this infectious little tornado was by my side . This time on the beach was one of the big highlights for me on the trip . Just taking it easy , no time constraints , and being fancy - free with my boys . It made me feel lots of good feels . He was not a big fan of the pirates . But he didn 't mind when they gave him a gold coin . He stuck it right in his mouth . Big surprise . And after the tired and hangry ( hungry + angry ) kiddos had eaten their fill , they were right back to goofing around . It was fun to watch Marty make new little buddies . And it really just made me wish that we lived closer to the Halseys because we had such a good time with them . I hope we can see more of them , more often in the future . That evening , after naps , we drove back to La Jolla to see the San Diego temple . We walked around the temple grounds , waiting for it to get dark and for the lights to come on . I had a very specific " memory " of seeing the San Diego temple when I was in high school , and it involved colored lights . Like pink , blue and purple lights shining on the temple so that it looked like a magic castle . Well , we waited around for a bit , but not long enough for many of the lights to come on . Only normal lights . Richard didn 't believe me about the colored lights , so I called my mom to confirm . She informed me that it was actually the Disneyland castle that I was thinking about . No colored lights on any temples . I could have sworn . . . Sunday was lovely . We slept in , played in our hotel room , and watched the U . S . Open . I 've never really watched tennis before in my life , but I started to really get into it on our trip . So did Marty . When we would get home from wherever we 'd just been , I 'd grab the remote and ask him if he wanted to watch tennis . Eventually , he started to say " ten - eese " when we walked into the room . Smarty pants . We went for a Sunday jog , that eventually turned into a Sunday stroll , that eventually turned into us renting paddle boards in a nearby marina . I 'd seen people doing it , and from day one I told Richard that I wanted to try it while we were there . I got my wish , and this was by far my favorite thing we did on the vacation . Originally , we were just going to rent one board and take turns because we weren 't sure Marty would like it enough to sit still on the board . So I went out first . But by the time I turned around , I saw Richard on a board , and Marty Boy sitting in front of him , loving every minute of it . We were only out on the boards for about 30 - 40 minutes , but it was awesome . I loved doing something new and so different , and having Marty be a part of it with us . He was such a good sport , and I 'm glad that we could make that memory as a family . It seriously makes my heart swell just thinking about it . Later that day , we went to dinner at Byron and Ashley 's house , and we didn 't take a single picture . The food was delicious ( tacos ) , the kids played together so well , and we just had a really great time . We stayed until after their kids went to bed , just talking and getting to know them better . They were so hospitable and generous while we were there . We have never experienced anything other than those things from any of Richard 's family that we 've visited on our travels , and those things always end up being some of our favorite things about our trips . We also went back to Mission beach that day for Richard to meet up with one of his old high school friends , Miles Edwards , that he played in the band Stick Man Riot with . I think it 's safe to say that Marty was pretty tired . You know he 's exhausted when he can 't even get the fruit loop all the way into his mouth . Miles is a lifeguard in San Diego . That day he was working out of the portable shown in the bottom of this picture . Richard went down to visit with him , and listen to some of the old tapes he 'd found of them performing while I relaxed with a sleeping toddler up on the boardwalk . It was nice , but I got super hot and sweaty sitting in the sun , so I made my way down the beach , and just so happened to find myself cooling off with another scrumptious ice cream sandwich and The Baked Bear . Marty woke just in time to help me polish off the last couple of bites , and for Richard to meet up with us and head back to the hotel . Our last full day of vacation was spent seeing more of San Diego 's sights . We started at some tide pools , that were really cool , but because the tide was kind of high we actually couldn 't see them all that well . Still , it was beautiful scenery , and made for some really great pictures . To pitching a fit and collapsing in the dirt like this . It happened at least twenty times that day . And probably ten of those were at the tide pools . It didn 't take me long to realize that the tantrums ended faster if I just let him lay on the ground , so I quickly stopped trying to quiet him or get him out of the other tourists ' way , and just let him collapse and get it out of his system so that we could get to where we wanted to go in less than 127 hours . I 'm sure people without kids , or who have older kids and can 't remember what this phase is like were judging the crap out of my parenting . But I really hope that those who are in similar stages of life were silently giving me a round of applause . We hiked up to a lighthouse that I now can 't remember anything about . Except that the walk up there took five years because of the string of tantrums that occurred along the way . We had more time to kill , so we drove back to Balboa Park ( where the zoo is located ) and walked around to see more of those sights until we just couldn 't take any more of them . Lots of walking , some climbing , lots of playing and some more tantrums . We were all pooped . And we were also starving . So we got way more ice cream than we needed , and kept eating even after we were stuffed . It was a fun day , but we were kind of grasping at straws trying to think of things to do . This was a good sign that we planned just the right length of trip and would be happy to get home . We were right . They both slept the entire flight . I read a book that I had taken on the trip , which I thought I 'd finish in no time , but actually cracked open for the first time on that flight home . I 'm so thankful that Richard has a job that allows me to stay home being a mom full - time , and also allows him to take time off for special family time , not to mention one that lets us live a life that can include these fun family adventures when we stick to our budget and save up . It was also great that his job hooked us up with the great / cheap place to stay . I 'm glad that Richard and I are on the same page when it comes to family trips and making those lasting memories . And I love that travel is the thing that Richard and I fell in love with doing together before we added our Marty Boy to the mix . Maybe someday we 'll take a vacation without him , but right now I can 't even imagine that . The trips we 've taken with him have been so special . That is our life now , and I 'm so happy that it is . I love making these memories , and I 'm excited to see what new places we go to to make more of them in the future . I really think we could do New York with a kid ( s ) . And I think I 'm slowly convincing Richard of that , too . So maybe they won 't be new places , but definitely new experiences and memories as the little family I adore and am so happy to be a part of . |
In the morning I got the last things to take for the take to Italy . I needed to have beer for the limousine . I did get the Zanax , but I did the trust the pills . I could get sick . The limo pulled up at 1 : 30 P . M . I unplugged the electrical wires I could find at the last moment . With beer in my hand I was off to the airport with my wife Anna , my mother in law , Maria , and my son Greg . This was going to be a big adventure , but one with my family . More people more problems . Everything went smooth at the airport . But I was always at the bar . Anna was yelling at me to get going . By 5 : 30 we were in the air . It was an easy flight so far . Greg was a pain on the flight . When he fell asleep he peed on Anna . I should have seen that one coming . The landing was great and really smooth in a Boeing 777 . I messed up on the seats . Nobody said to reserve your seats . Anna and I were split up momentarily until some nice man traded seats with me so I could sit near my wife . My mother in law was in another port on the plane . After landing at Fiumicino Airport it turns out the airport was very modern . I have not been at the airport in many years . The line for immigration was a mess . After , I got a car from Avis . The tricky thing about the car was that there was no key . It had a credit card type key and you had to stick it is the dash , press the start button , and keep your foot on the clutch . It took five minutes to figure out how to start the car . Anna 's mother Maria was picked up by her brother Salvatore . On the road we got lost . What should have been an hour turned out to take two hours to drive . Last time I let Anna be the navigator . We found Pomezia where Anna 's family lives , but finding the Hotel Enea was a real mess . I figure we asked five people to find our point of destination . There are no road signs , few traffic lights , and the exits on the highway are a mess . The Enea Hotel was not the Hotel I saw in the internet . Very run down and it was in a commercial area . The road we are on , Via del Mare , was very commercial and a lot of traffic . But , it turns out that was good because I always have to run out for something with my son . Greg and Anna slept after we checked in for a while . I went out for a beer run . I found the old Cerez beer , that is very strong , but I stayed with Peroni Beer . Once we were settled in it was time to meet the family . Uncle Salvatore came to the Hotel and I was followed him to his house in our cars . His house is an apartment on the other side of town . Once we got there I met his wife Mariella . After , we ate spaghetti , veal cutlets , and Aunt Mariella would fry eggplant . Her eggplant was a floured fried eggplant . They were very tasty . Also we had bread , black olives , and pork with peas , which was very good . After , we had fruit and then the rest of Salvatore 's family came to the apartment . Cristina , who I met at the airport with her father Salvatore , was with her husband and children . Also , Elisabetta came with her husband and children . Also , one husband lived in Australia for a few years in Sydney . What a sJune 19 , 2006 Around 1 : 00 A . M . we all woke up due to the time change . After getting re settled we all sent back to sleep . Greg gave us a hard time due to his dislike of Italy 's lack of routine , and more of his regular toys to play with like the ones at home . Around 7 : 00 A . M . we got up and Greg was still upset . We had breakfast at the hotel and it was great . It took twenty minutes to get Greg in the restaurant . The restaurant had a buffet with a lot of Italian fatty food . It was great because Anna was having second thoughts about the trip with Greg freaking out al the time over his toys at home . After breakfast we took a ride to see another hotel that was no better than our hotel . We found a McDonalds and we finally headed for the beach . It turns out there is a lot more to do in Pomenzia . We found an Aquarius Mall and a decent beach . After , we headed back to the hotel and changed our clothes . Then we were off to Uncle Salvatore 's house . Greg gave us a problem going into the apartment , but he calm down . We had left over 's to eat and they were great . After we headed to the hotel and we went back to the beach . This time we stayed at the beach for a while . I met a person from Philadelphia , but now lived in Italy . After , we went back to the hotel to rest up . We are getting ready to eat at Uncle Salvatore 's house later that night . I finally figure out how to navigate a town with no street signs when driving . At Uncle Salvatore 's house we had great provolone , mozzarella , prosciutto , and salami . Also , the salami which is a lot like pepperoni , but is also was like the old sausage my father used to eat from the Bronx . This time Greg got in the apartment without less hassle . We had a great time talking around the table . After , we drove back to the hotel . Uncle Salvatore wants to take us to the country some day . June 20 , 2006 We woke up late around 10 : 00 A . M . I had to go to the restaurant to bring up food . The free breakfast buffet closed at 10 : 00 . We are to get ready for the beach . It turns out there are always changes in the plans . First , Cristina and her son Fabrizio stop by the hotel . We all jumped in her car and we went to a castle called the Villa Borghese outside of Pomezia . Borghese , today , is a famous line of cosmetics . We saw a ceramic store and walked along the old streets in the castle . We also stop by a bar . Greg acted up and did not want o go in . But , after persuading him he finally came in . We had beer and other drinks . Greg dropped my beer bottle on the floor . After a few pictures we went back to the hotel . From there we got our car and we all went to Uncle Salvatore 's house . Of course Greg gave us a hard time getting in the apartment again . But , he is becoming less of a problem each time . At Uncle Salvatore 's we had a soup with zucchini , sauteed green beans , bread , and other old cuts . All the zucchini 's and green beans were great because they came from Uncle Salvatore 's garden . We took Fabrizio with us to the beach . He is off from school and eats at his grandfather 's house . At the beach we went to a part that had chairs and umbrellas set up on the beach . Elisabetta rented an umbrella for a month at the beach near Pomezia . At the beach Anna , Greg , and Fabrizio went to the water , I ate at the umbrella , and got eaten by bugs that you cannot see . Later , we were joined by Elisabetta and her children , Julia and Marco . And then Nicola , Elisabetta 's husband , and Maurizio , the husband of Cristina showed up . While the girls and children were at the beach Nicola , Maurizio , and I talked . Luckily , Maurizio lived in Australia and London for a few years and spoke some English . We had a few beers and we talked about the United States , sports , etc . Later , we all went our separate ways . Anna , Greg , and I went back to the hotel to get ready to eat at Cristina 's house . But , I had a special assignment to find a card store and get a Communion card for Fabrizio . After , I took a shower and then we went back to uncle Salvador 's house . From there we followed Uncle Salvatore to Cristina 's house . We were warned , as a joke , that Cristina is a bad cook . At Cristina 's house we all sat at a table in the living room and the children were in the kitchen . Cristina made a cold dish with eggs , tuna , and other ingredients . Also , there was mozzarella , prosciutto , bread , cristini 's on whole wheat bread , and some sort of cold bean dish . Of course we all sat near the television to watch the world cup . We all talked and ate . They asked about Greg 's scar on his chest and we told the story of Greg 's surgery . After dinner we had fruit and ice cream . Later , we followed Maurizio , Elisabetta , and their children back to our hotel . So far on this trip we are lucky to have a McDonalds near the hotel so Greg can get his Happy Meal . June 21 , 2006 I woke up early to eat breakfast . We have been going to bed around 11 : 00 P . M . and waking up around 10 : 00 A . M . We had some errands to take care of before we went to Uncle Salvatore 's house . First , Anna did not bring the correct adapter for the computer to match the Italian electrical system . Second , we think there is a problem with the car and the oil . Third , we had to get to the bank . Finally , we were going to Uncle Salvatore 's house . At Uncle Salvatore 's house we ate fresh pasta with steak in it . After we had steak and he had a side order of fresh roasted peppers . All of which came from the Uncle Salvatore 's garden a few miles away . After we stop by the Iperstore , or supermarket , and picked up more food . There was no grape juice in Italy . Finally , we went to the beach . We used Elisabetta 's umbrella and chairs . I took a nap and Anna and Greg went for a walk on the beach . Later , Greg and I went for a walk . They had fishing boats right on the beach and people were going for clams with rakes . After a few beers we went back to the hotel . See Picture of Boat on Beach See Picture of Mediterranean Ocean Beach At the hotel we found out about a Chinese restaurant . So , it was back to the beach area and we at outside at the Chinese restaurant . The Chinese food was different from what we have back at home . Of course , Greg dropped a glass on the floor . The mix vegetables were more like Chinese chow mien in the United States . After we went back to the hotel to our surprise a tour group of Asians was in the lobby . In the morning Anna wanted to sleep late . So , Greg and I went to a Museum called the Archeological Museum Lavinium , but it was closed . So , we went to the mall called " Sedici Pini . " The mall was a regular mall , but inside the music was very loud . We found a gym and in the gym was a small playground for children . After , we went to the toy store . After buying Greg a toy train we went back to the hotel . After , we went to Uncle Salvatore 's house to eat . I forgot what we ate . But , after we went in Uncle Salvatore 's car and we drove to the country . First , we went to a place were Uncle Salvatore get fresh water from a well . You had to pay a person and you helped yourself to the water coming out of the faucets . After that we went to the garden . At the garden uncle Salvatore had an enclosure in a huge field . The enclosure was to keep sheep out and other animals . He had all types of vegetables and a huge palm tree for shade . Also , there was a spot where his camper or trailer was burned down by vandals . After , we walked around and the sheep came out to the pasture on the huge field . The shepherd was named Angelo who was a friend of Uncle Salvatore 's . After , we all jumped in the car and went back the hotel . Because it was not a great day , no sun , we went back to the mall . See Angelo 's Sheep Later that night we met with Cristina and Mauricio , her husband , and met for pizza at a restaurant on the beach . We had thin crust pizza . That night I drank too much wine . After , we went back to the hotel . That night it was the first time I spoke to Maurizio about United States politics and the Iraqi War . We woke up early and hit the road to Uncle Salvatore 's house . There we met Uncle Pietro and another cousin name Adda . Adda drove us in her car to Palestrina outside of Rome . But , on the way in Pomezia , somebody hit Uncle Pietro in his car by running through a stop sign . So , we drove about forty - five minutes to Palestrina . Anna had an aunt that lived in apartment basement in Palestrina . But , this aunt had an outside yard that had plants and lots of places for birds to live . Her husband died many years ago , but had a pigeon coupe . The apartment was filled with dolls and little odds and ends toys . Greg was going nuts with boredom . So Greg and I went for a walk . The city of Palestrina was the same as Rome . In fact , we were only twenty minutes from central Rome . We went to a park nearby and in the park there was an old Roman theater and arena . After , we went back to Anna 's aunt 's house . After , we had rice balls for lunch . The rice balls were awesome . Later , Adda drove us back to Uncle Salvatore 's house . From there we went back to the hotel to change to go to the beach . It was a very hot day . At the beach we met Elisabetta , her husband , Nicola , and there son Marco and their daughter Julia . It was so hot that I had to jump in the water . Nicola left early to go shopping . At the beach Greg love to go to the ice cream stand to get an ice cream or lemon ice . Greg played with Julia on the beach . After , we all went back to the hotel to change . That night we went to Elisabetta 's house . She lived near the ocean . Her house was a two family house that was very modern . They had a pool and a deck on the second floor . The basement apartment was the apartment of Nicola 's parents . Nice people . They also had a German shepherd named Zano . Nicola cooked on the deck , but for a grill they had a fireplace set - up with a chimney . It also had charcoal and a frill that pulled in and out . After , Cristina and Mauricio came . Their son Fabrizio was at the Communion camp . Mauricio did all the cooking on the grill . We had steak , sausage , and there weWoke up , got a good breakfast , showered , and slowly started to pack up the family . After leaving the Hotel Enea we went to Uncle Salvatore 's house to say goodbye . We needed to get ice , but in Italy it is almost impossible to get ice to keep your sandwiches and drinks cold in your car . We got some ice from Uncle Salvatore . After , we started our trip to Vasto . We took the highway Pontina north , to the G . R . A . east , and then we took the " L ' Aquila / Pescara " exit 14 east to the east coast of Italy . The trip was spectacular for Anna and Greg . There are a lot of mountain , castles , and cliffs that are very high . There was still some snow on the top of the mountains . Greg liked the long tunnels . We went through many tunnels . The last time I did this trip was in 1993 . We stopped at rest stop call the " Autostop " to get something to eat . It was around 2 : 00 P . M . and the restaurant was crowded . We had lunch and we ate pizza , sandwiches , and a few beers . We had driven about two hours and we had an hour to go . Funny , I would say I was doing 75 M . P . H . and other cars were going 100 M . P . H . We finally reached the exit for Vasto . But , there was an exit for Vasto North and an exit for Vasto South . So I took the exit for Vasto South . From there we got lost . But , after driving around we found our way to the Palace Hotel . I almost got hit by a car pulling out of a driveway while looking for the hotel . People in Italy drive like maniacs . The Palace Hotel was very nice . But , when I went to the front desk to check in the dizzy lady said the hotel was full . She could not understand my pronunciation of my last name . Too much United States accent when I speak Italian . Another problem was that there was a wedding going on . We checked in our room and settled down . After I took Greg for a swim in the pool and he loved the water . But , some of the guess near the pool were kind of weird looking with their clothes . One lady had green cowboy boots on and another guy had silver tennis shoes on with a suit . They would grab a chair with a girl in it and drag her and the chair to the pool . Also , when I showed Greg the faucet to spray your feet before going to the pool , a guest at the wedding took the hose and started to spray another guest at the wedding . After our time at the pool Greg and I went back to the room to get ready for a ride . Anna , Greg , and I went for a ride to find a place to eat . We stopped by the beach area and parked near a beach area where my second cousin Nicoletta has umbrellas and chairs . The " Lido la Bussola " has changed . Now Nicoletta 's family built a restaurant on the beach . I thought I saw Dominico , Nicoletta 's son at the new restaurant . After , Greg played on the coin operated amusement machines near the beach . After , we took a ride to McDonalds . We were lucky to find it . Also , we stop by a bank for cash . After , we went back to the beach to the " Lido la Bussola . " There I introduced myself to Dominico . Before you know it his whole family was there . There was his mom Nicoletta , and his brother Lino , and Marco . Also , one of the brothers had his wife there . I think her name was Mariella . We had dinneGreg had his happy meal and we had pasta . After we said out goodbyes and we went back to the hotel . The wedding was still on and we could hear music upstairs in our room . Finally the music ended and we went to bed . June 26 , 2006 In the morning I call Gina Tabilio to make plans to meet for lunch . But , I was surprised to hear that my sister Laura and her family had flown to Italy . At first , I could not believe it because Ashley had broken her ankle and the plans to Italy were dropped . But , it turned out she brought her crutches and ankle bracelet to Italy . In fact , we had missed her by five minutes at the " Lido la Bussola " restaurant last night . It turns out that Nicoletta had called Gina and told the news of my sister Laura 's arrival . Then Gina called me . I am thinking the whole time that I made a mistake with my bad Italian and the news of my arrival was twisted . Or , everybody thought my wife was my sister . Anyway , once I made plans for lunch at the " Le Cisterne " with Gina Tabilio . I then called Laura and I made plans to meet her at the Europe Hotel where she was staying . It was Sunday and there was no place to park the car . So , I dropped off Anna and Greg and I went to park the car . I parked the car illegally and gave Laura directions to the " Le Cisterne " restaurant . After a short stay I picked up Anna and Greg . From there we drove around Vasto and found the restaurant . We walked around a little , but it was too hot for Greg . So , we hung out by the restaurant with the view of Vasto Marina before us . First , Laura and her family showed up and then Gina , Bernato , and later Giovanni showed up . We had a great time talking and catching up . It turns out that Gina 's daughter , Anna , is getting married in September in Bologna . Also , the owner of the restaurant was a Molino and had family in the United States . His family had restaurants also in the United States . One was called " The View " in New York City . Picture of Gina Tabilio Before lunch we went to Saverio Tana 's house . I rang the bell and Saverio yelled out the window . We went up to his apartment and we meet Saverio 's son Patrizio who still lived with Saverio . We talked a little and made plans to meet again . One a sad note Margherita , Saverio 's wife , had passed away about five years ago . After lunch we went back to the hotel to the pool . Later , Laura and her family came to the pool . By accident I fell in the pool with my towel on . I was pretty drunk . At the hotel they had a D . J . , an outdoor cook , and people were playing cards on outside tables . I guess there was a card championship going on because I saw trophies on one table . After , we went to the " Lido la Bussola " beach restaurant at Vasto Marina . We saw Gina Tabilio , Nicoletta , and Dominico . We had pizza , pasta , and wine . Greg played in the sand while we ate . Later , we went back to the hotel to go to sleep . We slept well on our hard mattresses and pillows . I must have gone up and down the elevator about ten times to take care of Greg and Anna in the morning . I brought up food , checked out information , and other things . I finally was able to call Gina Di Paolo . We made arrangements to meet tomorrow here at the Palace Hotel for lunch . After breakfast Greg and I went for a swim in the hotel pool . After we all went to the McDonalds to get Greg something to eat . Then we went to Vasto Marino to the Europa Hotel . We met my sister at the hotel and made plans to meet her on the beach . But , Anna and I got something to eat . We went to a pizzeria in Vasto Marino . There I had pizza with potato on it with rosemary . They also had other weird pizza combinations like pizza with corn , cheese , and ham . After , we went back to the hotel to change into our bathing suits . On the beach the water was great . There were waves and the water was warm . Greg loved the water . Laura 's kids were also in the water . After we left and went back to the hotel to get ready for Gina Tabilio 's house . At the hotel I tried to get a map to find Gina Tabilio 's house , but her street was so small it would not appear on the internet maps . So , I had Anna call Gina to get directions . We found Gina 's house with little problem . But , Anna told me to go out and by wine and ice cream as a gift . But , Gina complained that they all drink homemade wine . But , what are you going to do ? Later , Saverio Tana and Lucia showed up . Lucia 's husband , Americo was there , but he left early . Now , Gina Tabilio 's house had to be ninety degrees . It was so hot I had to go outside and take my shirt off and dry myself off . In fact the first half hour of the dinner I only drank beer and went outside to talk to Bernato , Gina 's husband , who was cooking on a grill . Funny , in Italy they still use the old charcoal grills . Gina Tabilio made a type of manicotti with cheese , meat , and spinach . Also , there was tube spaghetti and other food . Later , Giovanni showed up . Also , Gina had pizza for the children . After dinner I showed my wedding video tape toAfter the cake we all went back to the pool area . Though Gina and Fernando invited us to their home , but I turned them down due to the time constrictions . After a while it was time to go . I walked Gina and Fernando to their car . The car was a small Ferrari for two passengers that had a convertible roof . After , a quick swim with my son and Anna we went back to the hotel room , changed our clothes , and we headed off to downtown Vasto . It turned out it was not as hot as the day before . We walked to Rossetti Plaza . Greg was infatuated with the fountain at the plaza . I had Anna take a picture of Greg and me on the statue column of Rossetti . Later , we walked near the Palace and stop by a restaurant called " La Tana Trattoria " for some pizza . I talked to the owner who told of his family in Baltimore . I told him I was also related to that same family in Baltimore . After , a picture with the Tana brother 's we walked around Vasto . See Picture of Brothers See Picture of Statue of Rossetti While waiting for our pizza I saw a tourist office near the " La Tana Trattoria . " I walked in and to my surprise I met Luigi . I recall Luigi from my first trip to Vasto many years ago . I asked for a map and other information on Vasto . He took me to the Palace then I met a lady who spoke English and she sold me a book on important sightseeing places in Vasto . After , I thanked Luigi , but I asked him if he knew Paolo Calvano . He said , " Yes , " and told me he could be found in a library near the " La Tana Trattoria . " I could not believe that there was a library in Vasto near Rossetti Plaza , but there was no sign on the building . I must have walked by that library a million times and did not know it . Anyway , I figure I would look up Paolo Calvano on another date . I walked back to the " La Tana Trattoria " and ate my pizza . On funny thing about Vasto is that there are a lot of dogs in this town . After the pizza we walked to the view overlooking Vasto Marino and the beach . Later , we walked to the Pietrocola house , were my grandfather was born , and to look at the family crest . But , it turns out the crest is just an angel for good luck . Then we walked to the Church of San Pietro , but only the front door remains because the rest of the church had fallen down a cliff . Then we walked to the where the Roman baths were located near some mosaic floors that were recently uncovered . Later , I tried to find the street of Carlo Pietrocola , but I could not find it . By this time Greg was getting tired of the walking . So , we walked back to the car and headed back to the hotel . See Picture of Pietrocola House One funny note about Gina Di Paolo is her hatred of Vasto . It seems that when they sold Alfonzo Pietrocola 's house , her father , they had a lot of problems with the lawyers . It turns out the lawyers were very unreliable to get to the meeting and caused Gina and Fernando Di Paolo much aggravation . We all slept late . After I went to the breakfast buffet and got breakfast for Anna and Greg . After , we went to the pool . I got busy on checking the fight reservation . After the pool we took a drive to McDonalds to get Greg something to eat . After , we took a drive to Pietrocola Pharmacy . The pharmacy had moved from the center of town to another street further from the center of town . But the pharmacy was closed . We went to Vasto Marino to get Greg 's inflatable airplane toy pumped up at the store . It was way too big when we got it inflated . We were lucky enough to get it in the car . After , I stopped for some pizza and beer and Greg and Ann went for some ice cream . After , we went back to the hotel . Greg and I and the huge airplane went to the pool . Anna worked on the computer . Greg just wanted to push the airplane in the water and not get on it . Luckily , Laura and her family were at the pool to keep Greg occupied . After , Anna came down to the pool for a swim . Soon we went upstairs to get ready to eat at Lucia 's house . Laura had cancelled since Ashley was sick . But , Ashley started to feel better and was in the pool that day . When we left the hotel we saw Gina and Bernato Tabilio stop by for a visit at the hotel . But , we were just leaving . We could not stop laughing due to Laura cancelling out on Lucia 's dinner and here is Ashley in the pool . Here is Gina and Bernato Tabilio at the hotel wondering why Ashley is sick and swimming in the pool . First , we stop by La Tana pizzeria for a mushroom pizza for Greg . But , it took us half - hour to find Lucia 's house even though I had a map . It turn out that there are a lot of hidden roads in Vasto . But , we found the house and we met Saverio , Lucia , and her husband Americo . Americo took out an atlas to get a better understanding were we live in the United States . After , we had dinner . We had home made pasta in a meat sauce . Also , there was another dish that was called " capello di prete " or priest hat . It was a cubed shaped lasagna dish with peas , meat , and ricotta cheese . Also , there was another meat dish that was more like a braciole , but was not . Also , there was salad and for dessert a pizza with fruit on it that resemble a fruit pie . It had bread bottom , but had all types of fruit on the top . Also , we had a shot of Lucia 's home made lemon creme liquor . Later , that night Gina and Bernato stop by . We had a great time talking about her family and my family research . Lucia really liked to bust Bernato balls . After , we went back to the hotel . While we picked up the pizza for Greg I ran off to find Carlo Pietrocola 's house . I found it with no problem . But , while I was looking in the house a man came up to me and told me that Carlo was in the hospital . He had broken his leg . I figured he was at work , but he was really in a hospital close by . I could not believe what bad luck I have trying to meet Carlo . First , he was never home and second he broke his leg . June 30 , 2006 I did the usual breakfast thing in the morning . I would go downstairs to get the food at the breakfast buffet and then I would go upstairs to bring the food to Anna and Greg . Then I would go back to the buffet and eat by myself . After , we got ready to go into the town of Vasto to do some shopping . While my son and I were waiting for Anna in the lobby , a lady at the reception desk told me I had a phone call . It turns out it was Filippo Pietrocola . He told me he would like to meet me . It turns out that Laura and Gina Tabilio had gone to the Pietrocola Pharmacy to meet Filippo and told him I was in town . So , he told me on the phone he would come to the hotel and see me . I told my wife the news and I told her to watch Greg while I was gone . Filippo pulled up in a black Mercedes Benz . He was around the same size as I and he had a mustache . We sat down in the lobby and talked . He brought a family tree with him . But , it was an old one I sent him many years ago . I guess he never received the new family tree . Or , he lost it . Anyway , I showed him the new family tree and it turns out that most of the information about his family was correct . I also asked him if there was any family in Bari that had a pharmacy . He told me there no such family in Bari . There is a Pietrocola Pharmacy in Bari , but he told me we are not related . I also asked about a pharmacy in Rome . On the family tree two Pietrocola went to Rome as pharmacists . Filippo told me that they returned to Vasto and had past away . After , he told me he had some books for me at his house . So we jumped in his car and we took off to his house . On the way we talked about his time in Australia and meeting my cousin Lida Pietrocola in Perth . It turns out Filippo lived in a house in Vasto Marino up on a hill . He had a big home with a small pool . He also had a huge area to view the gulf of Vasto Marino down below . We sat outside , had a beer , and talked about the family tree . He told me that his father had left him information about the family . But he has been mayor and also involved with town as an administrator for many years . He explained that he was ready to go into semiretirement and work on the family tree . The big bombshell he explained was that there is a family story that there were two brothers from the island of Rhodes off the coast of Greece . Filippo told me the names of the brothers were Pietro and Nicola who were Greeks . They came to Vasto and changed their names to Pietro Cola . Sounds like a good story , but who knows if it is true . After our beer we went back to his car and he drove me back to the hotel . On the way back he told me how he wanted to add a small bed and breakfast to his house by the huge viewing area of his houseWe woke up and went to the pool for a dip . Later we met Laura and her family at the La Tana Pizzeria for some pizza . At La Tana I then took Laura to see the family crest near San Pietro 's church . After dinner we had ice cream and it was back to the hotel . We all had great time . Especially Greg had a great time . The next morning we packed up and checked out of the hotel . We drove back to Pomezia and to the Enea Hotel . But , first we had to go to McDonalds to get Greg a " Happy Meal . " After we went to Uncle Salvatore 's house and ate . Mariella made us pasta with eggplant . He used the small eggplant that were chopped up and sauteed . Also , he made grilled eggplant and steak . After we said our goodbyes and we went to cousin Elisabetta 's house . There we stayed by the pool and watched Marco , Fabrizio , Julia , and Elisabetta play in the pool . The water was too cold so we had Greg 's feet in the water . Later , Cristina , Nicola , and Maurizio showed up . We ate outside and had cold cuts , bread , and other things . Later , we all went upstairs to watch the world cup . When Italy scored everyone in the room went nuts . Maurizio brought a blow horn to signal a score to the rest of the town by blowing it out the window . After , we went back to the hotel and went to sleep . July 1 , 2006 I did not sleep well that night . In the morning when Cristina , Fabrizio , and uncle Salvatore came to escort up to the airport by taking the back roads . I told Anna I am staying in Italy for one more week and Anna was not a happy camper . After , I drove back to Vasto . It took three hours form Fiumicino Airport in Rome to drive to Vasto . On the way I tried to take pictures from the camcorder of the mountains and the towns in the Apennines Mountains . I drove back to the Palace Hotel and checked in . Picture of Apennine Mountains Picture of Apennine Mountains After a few beers , eating , and a nap I felt refreshed to walk around Vasto . First , I went to Carlo Pietrocola 's house . His wife Maria opened the door and I went up stairs to see Carlo . It turns out that Carlo broke his let at work . He had six pins in his leg on the lower shin bone . He was on the couch with his foot up . We talked , but I could tell he was in some pain . On top of his leg being broken his son , Fabio , had chickenpox and was at Maria 's mother 's house . It turns out that Carlo has never had chickenpox or the shots for chickenpox . So , he had to keep away from his own son . But , I did ask about the family crest by San Pietro church . He told me that his father told him it was a Pietrocola family crest . Anything else about the crest he did not know . After , I asked about his sister and brother and he told me everyone was alright . After , I walked to the apartments where Anna Notorangelo lived . When I rang the bell a feeble old lady asked who I was on the intercom . I explained who I was when I told her my name . She did not open the door . I guess she must be up there in age and could be suffering from dementia . After , I took a walk to the plaza near the castle . There I sat at a cafe and watched the Saturday night crowds walk around Vasto . Later , I spotted Laura and her family in the plaza . I told them about who I met and did not meet that day . After , I went to a restaurant called " La Lanterna . " I ate there once with Gina Tabilio and her family years ago . I sat next to the television and had fresh spaghetti and salad . After , I looked for a cigar , but you had to buy the whole box . Or , they had very strong Italian cigars . But , I wanted to sleep good tonight . So I did not smoke a cigar . After , I went back to the hotel and went to sleep . Unfortunately , there was another wedding going on at the hotel . July 2 , 2006 In the morning I went for a walk on the beach near the hotel . To my surprise I saw a couch on the beach . After , I got ready for a trip to Vasto . But , to my surprise I got a ticket for parking . I was hoping I would not have to pay the ticket since I had a hard time reading the signs in Italian . In the morning I went to the house of Federico Pietrocola to see if I could get more information from him . At the first meeting he seemed mad at me in front of his apartment building . I found out his son Rodolfo had taken his family on a vacation and was not home . It turns out that Federico lives with his son , his wife past away , and he is diabetic and needs to watch his blood sugar . So we took a walk to a cafe and talked about the family . He really did not know much about his family . It seems once a person left Vasto , Federico lost complete contact with them . But , we had a great time talking about my research on the Pietrocola family tree . At the cafe a person who heard my bad Italian ask where I was from . It turns out that this person , Franco , was born in Italy , lived on 187th Street in the Bronx , and moved back to Vasto . He told me he loved Vasto , but worked is hard to find . It was funny for me to talk in English for once to an Italian . I told Franco about my parking ticket . Late he brought another friend over to talk to me who a real " burn out . " I believe he was smoking marijuana at the cafe . They all told me to go to the town hall to pay the fine . After , I said my goodbyes to Federico and took a ride to Gina Tabilio 's house to see if Giovanni was around . See Picture of Federico Pietrocola Surprisingly , Gina and Bernato Tabilio were to go to Bologna to purchase a gown for their daughter Anna 's wedding this September . But , it turns out they decided to stay in Vasto and leave on Wednesday . They informed me that Laura and her family was to stop by for lunch at 1 : 00 . So , I stayed for lunch . Bernato , his dog , and I took his car to meet Laura . He droved like a maniac to the McDonalds to meet Laura . You can tell Bernato is a bad drive due to all the scratches and damage to his car . We met Laura and she followed us to Gina Tabilio 's house . At lunch we had ravioli , spaghetti , a type of meat loaf with American cheese and prosciutto , and peas with pork . Also , we had fruit and ice cream . We also drank the Vasto Commune Wine that was excellent . We had a great time talking and eating . Gina Tabilio tried her best to speak some English that she had learned . I translated for Laura to talk to Gina Tabilio . After , Giovanni had a website on family pictures on the internet . We saw pictures of his sister Anna and her fiancé Gregory . Gregory is half French and half Italian . His mother is from Paris . It was funny to watch Laura 's children watching television and Bernato snoring in his lounge chair while he was sleeping . After , Laura and her family parted and I stayed and talked to Bernato outside . It was a beautiful day . Later , I talked to Gina outside . Our conversation dealt with my parents being sick , terrorism in the United States , the war in Iraq , and hurricane Katrina . After , I said my goodbyes and went back to the hotel . I was mentally exhausted from all that talking in Italian that day . I rested in my room and then went to the bar for some beer . This time there was a communion party going on in the catering hall . After , I went back to my room to make some phone calls . I found out my mother was in a nursing home . I then called my sister Kathy and talked to everyone . I talked to Anna , Greg , my mother , and Kathy . I finally went to sleep in bed . July 3 , 2006 Woke up , showered , and went into town . I noticed that there is a lot of traffic and the shops are busy in the morning . I went to the Pietrocola Pharmacy to talk to Filippo . The store was busy , but I was able to see him in his office in the back of the store . Also , I met his wife , who speaks English , and she is from Brazil . I asked Filippo about seeing the archives in the town hall and my parking ticket . So , he made a phone call and told me to go to the town hall or " comune " and locate the director or the town achieves . I also saw he had the new family tree that he said he did not have in his office . So , I want off to the town hall . Parking was a pain , but I found a spot and I had a paper of the names of the person I had to meet to see the town archives . But , I ended up going from one person to another person and I finally met a person named Professor Luigi Murolo . He took me to the room of archives . I wanted to see how many books there were in the archives . To my surprise there were more books that I thought . I also got a lecture from the professor , but I really did not comprehend everything he said . When I asked a question he would give me lectures instead of a simple answer which made things worst . But , a few answers were found . First , the family crest is really a symbol to keep away evil spirits . Second , the Mormon Church only has a piece of the town archives . Third , there are more Pietrocolas in the archives that I could find at the Mormon Church . So , I would have to research that archive to really find more people . Fourth , there is no way to go back further than 1635 . There are no church records . I did see that the first book was 1809 and the archives did go to the present date . The Mormon Church records only go from 1809 - 1906 and that is it . The professor even showed me how there were many Pietrocolas in the archives and not on the family tree . After , I asked the director about my parking ticket and he said he to disregard the ticket . But , I still feel I should pay . Filippo also told me to look for the MattI stop by the church of San Giuseppe . I met the priest and asked about the church documents . But , I really could not figure out what he was saying . But they do have records that date back many years . Many places were closed by 3 : 00 . I was looking for a place that was open so Paola and I can meet for a drink . I could not find a place so I went to the Rossetti Plaza and waited . Paolo Calvano had grey hair , but cut short . He was full of energy and talked a lot . He had a passion for the history of Vasto . He took me for a walk . A walk I would never forget . First , we went to Via Valerico Laccetti . Paola showed me a plaque on the wall of the house of the Valerico Laccetti near Carlos Pietrocolas house . Second , he showed me a house on Corso La Palizzi . It was another house that for many years the Pietrocolas has lived in . Also , there was a plaque with a Pietrocola name on it . Third , we went to the Pietrocola house by San Pietro Church on Via Adriatico . There he also confirmed that the family crest was not a family crest , but a " elemento d ' potuo paico " to keep away bad luck . Fourth , we took a walk to the palace and right across the street from the palace there was another house of Pietrocola . It turns out that this is the house of Filippo Pietrocola 's family . We went into the hallway of the building and there was a plague in the hallway of Filippo Pietrocola family . Also , on the gate in the house there was a " F . P . " on the gate . I also notice that Filippo 's mother and other relatives still lived in the building because I saw their names on the doorbell signs . After , we took a walk to an ice cream shop for some water . Paolo told me he was an elementary teacher of chemistry , he also is a teacher at a college , and he knows a lot of the people in town because they were his students at one time . At the ice cream shop we looked at the family tree . He knew many of the people it because he had seen another copy of the family tree by Vittorio d ' Anelli . But , he had died and his son was not interested in the town 's history as his father . I also told him how I found the family tree at Carlo Pietrocola 's house . Paolo explained it was most likely copied from the d ' Anelli version of the Pietrocola family tree . The family tree of d ' Anelli is on different pages and not on one page . I asked him for a copy of the d ' Anelli family tree . But , he could not get it . It was getting late and at 4 : 00 he had to bring one of his children to a bus . So , I walked him to the Rossetti Plaza and we made plans to meet at the Pace Hotel at 11 : 00 tomorrow to talk some more . I walked to my car and I noticed July 4 , 2006 At 11 : 00 A . M . I met Paolo Calvano at the Palace Hotel . He brought his two children with him . Funny , he has to be 52 years old and his children are around 4 and 7 years old . As a gift , also as a celebration of the Fourth of July , I gave Paolo a flag of the United States . We talked about several topics . First , Pietrocola Street was probably named after Floriano Pietrocola . I always thought Pietrocola Street was named after the mother of Gabriel Rossetti , Maria Francesca Pietrocola . Second , the origin of the family tree came from the town historian Vittorio d ' Anelli . Paolo brought a copy of the family tree from the d ' Anelli achieves . It was an exact replica of the one I found at Carlo Pietrocola 's house many years ago . It was obvious that someone in Carlo Pietrocola 's family , probably Carlo 's father , who was friends with Vittorio d ' Anelli , first got a copy of the family tree . Third , Paolo gave me photo copy of books that had the name Pietrocola on it . Two books that dealt with Nicola Maria Pietrocola and his works as an architect . A third book was on Gabriel Rossetti by Teodorico Pietrocola . Fourth , we talked more about the family tree . When I mentioned about my research at the Mormon Church I mentioned how many children died and were not on the family tree . Paolo explained how one child died , but the name was then given to another child . Paolo said usually the father always named his first child after his father . Therefore , you can see a pattern of the names in the family tree . Usually the first born had the name of his grandfather , and if the first born died , the name was given to another sibling . Also , Paolo mentioning the year 1817 a terrible plague came though Vasto . One in three people were killed . On the family tree there were at least three people that were killed that year from the plague . It was plague , but I could not figure out the name of the disease . Fifth , we talked about how we met on the internet . Paolo asked about Carl Rossetti and his website . I did not know the address , but I would send it to hAfter , I took a ride to the center of Vasto and started to make my movie on Vasto . I took my video camera and took footage of al the important places in Vasto . After a while I stopped and had lunch at the " La Lanterna " restaurant . I had a cristini 's , spaghetti with clams in a red sauce , and a salad . After , I took more footage of the city . I went to San Michele church , but there was a funeral going on . I then walked back to the town and had a beer . I then saw the funeral procession walking down the street and to the cemetery . I followed it and saw the cemetery . After , I went to Gina Tabilio 's house to meet my sister who was leaving tomorrow to Rome . We all talked and the children had some ice cream . I stayed and had dinner with Gina Tabilio and Bernato . Gina sauteed onions and peppers and made bread balls with egg and cheese . We also had prosciutto , mozzarella a cheese that tasted like locatteli , and another meat , like soppressata , but it broke apart easily and had its own distinctive taste . We also had bread and wine . After , I took off during the World Cup game . I want to get out of town in case Italy won . The roads would be packed with people celebrating . I stop by a pizzeria and talked to the waitress who spoke English after I went back to the hotel . After parking the car I could hear the roar of people through the valley and mountains as Italy scored a point against Germany . It seems all the windows of the houses were open and people were yelling at the same time . It was amazing . July 5 , 2008 I woke up early to get the museum in Vasto early . But , it turns out that the museum opens at 10 : 30 A . M . So , I took a walk to pay for the parking ticket . At 10 : 00 I met Paolo Calvano at the Rossetti Piazza . We went for another amazing walk through Vasto . First , he told me that the Rossetti Piazza was a Roman amphitheater many years ago . By the Torre di Bassano you can see old sections of the amphitheater in a clothing store window . Second , we took a walk to the church of Santa Maria Maggiore . Outside the church he told me how they built the tower separately on top of the church on the later date . Also , how the front door was changed from the side of the building to the other side of the building . Inside the church we took a walk around the church . He knew many facts of the artwork and other items in the church . Also , he knew all the family crests that were in the church . One of the D ' Avalos rulers was in the church in his tomb . Paolo was very religious because he always crossed himself at the church . He also read many of the inscriptions on the church walls . Third , we went to the church of San Giuseppe which is the main cathedral of Vasto . Outside he showed one Latin inscription on the church facade . Also , there was an opening , now blocked , that was used to put money in for the dead . I guess the money was used to bury the dead . Talking about the dead , I asked Paolo about the cemetery and my family . He said there is only one Pietrocola in the Vasto main cemetery . Later , we went inside the San Giuseppe church and he showed me many of the artwork and relics in the church . One was a wooden fresco of the Madonna and two saints . It was very interesting because it had both Greek and medieval art influences in the artwork . After , we took a walk to the rectory of the church to look at some books . Fourth , in the rectory we went to a room that had the baptism records . I opened my family tree and he opened the baptism books . It is obvious that Vittorio d ' Anelli got the information on the family tree from the church books manyPaolo Calvano lived in Vasto , but in the newer section of Vasto . The apartment building he lived in looked like a condo complex which was beautiful . At the kitchen table I put out my family tree and he took out his notes on the Pietrocola family . It turns out that many people were missing on my family tree compared to Paolo 's Pietrocola family tree . It turns out that Paolo had a real passion for the history of Vasto even if he studied other family trees . While I was getting tired he was so excited to research my family tree and compare notes . I guess not many people study their family tree and to find a person like I , who does study their family tree , and travels all the way to Italy must have bee astounding to Paolo . Paolo 's children were watching us the whole time . Later , he showed me his study room and his newest projects . He had the old baptism books of San Pietro which is the church that fell down a cliff . The book was very worn with book worm holes on the cover . He showed me the Latin writing inside and how the ink writing was slowly disappearing . Also , I was interested how there was handwriting on different pages . He was writing detailed genealogical information on each person in the book of San Pietro . After he showed me his other books from churches and other research he had done . He had detailed files of different family trees of Vasto and files on different family crests of Vasto . Unfortunately , there was no Pietrocola family crest . Later , his son Giacobbe gave me an Italian flag . After , Giacobbe asked me if I could go to his room . In his room he had a picture of the New York skyline on the wall . He knew the where the World Trade Center was located in the picture . His sister Catherina asked me questions about New York City , Ellis Island , and Stature of Liberty . Later , Paolo gave me some books on immigration of Vasto , a book on the landslide of 1956 , and a newspaper that had an article that he had written on Vasto . He also showed me other books in his house . I told him he needs a bigger house with all tAfter , I went to the Palace Hotel , had a beer , and went to bed . I woke up early , packed up , had breakfast , and checkout of the Palace Hotel . It turns out that one of the ladies that worked at the front desk was traveling to New Jersey in the future . It turns out she had a relative in Totowa , New Jersey . It took me a long time to figure out what she was saying because she could not pronounce the name " Totowa " correctly . I drove straight to Fiumicino airport , check in the Hilton , put my bags in the room , and then returned the car to the rental station . Funny , all I had to do is park the car , sign a slip , and I was done . After , I walked back to the Hilton and went for a beer . The Hilton Hotel at the airport was expensive and filled with rich business men and wealthy travelers . Two Beck beers at the bar were 17 . 00 Euros or 20 . 00 dollars . After I went to the room and called Giorgio Pietrocola . We agreed to meet at this apartment in Rome . I was apprehensive about the trip to Rome . I only had 6 hours of time to kill so I went to Rome to meet him . At the Fiumicino airport there is a train station . I took a train to the Tiburtina station . I also must have asked a hundred people were I was and were I was going at the station and on the train . The Tiburtina station was a mess . It made me recall the old days of traveling and dealing with gypsies , bums , the smell of urine , and being lost . I thought I could walk it to Giorgio 's apartment , but everyone I talked to said the address was too far . But , in reality , it was a very short distance . I guess Italians do not like to walk . After asking a million questions , I finally took a bus to Giorgio 's street with the help of the people on the bus . Giorgio looked liked his pictures on the internet . He had blue eyes and gray hair . He had a nice apartment filled computer equipment , rubric cubes , and he liked chess . After talking and a glass of wine we took a walk to a local bar on Via Tiburtina . We talked about Vasto , teaching , travel , and Italy . He is a nice person . But , I always think that he was confounded on why an American would travel all the way to Rome to see him . For me , since he helped me with the family tree , it was important me to meet him . I wish I could have stayed longer , but I wanted to get to bed early . Giorgio had a friend that worked at Saint Peters at the Vatican City and he wanted to take me there . But , I said I do not have much time left . After , we walked back to the station . I said my goodbyes and got on the train as it was leaving the station . I always wished I brought my camera to take our picture , but I was paranoid about the camera getting stolen on the train . At the Hilton I checked out the buffet they had . I changed my clothes , I was all sweaty from the train trip from Rome , and I ate at the restaurant at the buffet . It was good to eat some vegetables and salad for once . I cannot wait to get home and eat more vegetables . The food in Italy was great , but too much food with a lot of carbohydrates and calories . July 7 , 2006 I walked to the airport early , checked in , waited for security to arrive at the check point for a half hour . After , I had a few beers and got on the plane . Before I got on the plane I noticed that Fiumicino Airport had a lot of shops and was very modern . I spoke to two old ladies from the Chicago area the whole trip back to the United States . The owner of Hawthorne Limousine picked me up in a limousine . Pasquale , the owner , had to in his eighties , and was driving limousine with his dog at his side give the ride home . Home |
If you are looking forward about how dad fucks daughter , how mom fucks son or check out some family incest stories then you are in the right place ! Here you could find everything you were searching for such a long time ! Become a witness of everything that is going on in these incest porn stories and there are no hesitations you wouldn 't stay disappointed ! In a house with eight kids it 's hard to find time alone . Heck , it 's impossible . It 's hard enough just to avoid being in a real crowd . Oh , I should introduce myself . My name is Tommy Bradford . I 'm 14 , and , like I said , I 'm one of eight kids . And Elizabeth 's one of my sisters - - I 'd say one of my older sisters , but they 're all older than me . I 'm the baby of the family except for Nicholas , and he doesn 't count because he 's just 8 . Anyway , Elizabeth 's just a year older than me , and for a lot of years we were the tail end of the family , so we 're used to spending time together . I mean , we argue and stuff like regular brothers and sisters , but we 're also used to confiding in each other and asking for advice . I never paid too much attention to what she looked like - - heck , she was my sister , right ? But some of the older guys in school asked me about her a few times , so I tried to figure out what they saw in her . She doesn 't look too bad , for a sister , I mean . She dresses OK , and she 's not real thin or real fat - - although she 's always saying she could stand to lose a few pounds . And a couple of the guys who asked about her said they really like her hair - - it 's long , almost to her waist . And she smiles a lot . So , anyway , like I was saying , it was Elizabeth and me alone in the house , watching TV . Most of the other kids were out doing one thing or another , and Mom and Dad and Nicholas were over at one of our relatives . Elizabeth and me would have had to go to , but we 'd been out that morning - - me working on a school project with some of my buddies , Elizabeth doing something with her friends . So we lucked out and Nicholas got stuck going alone . So we 're watching TV , right ? And we couldn 't agree on what to watch , so we flipped a coin to see who could pick first . I lost , and Elizabeth picked this old movIe . I said that wasn 't fair because the thing was gonna be on for like two hours , and by then somebody else might have come home , or even Mom and Dad , and I wouldn 't get my chance . But she just giggled and said she 'd won fair and square . Which was true , so I gave up . I could 've just gone to my room or something , but the movie didn 't look too bad when it started - - some guy walked into a dark alley and got blown away in the first five minutes - - so I watched with her . It turned out that nobody else got killed in the whole movie , or even beaten up . And the cop investigating the murder fell in love with this woman he talked to , the victim 's sister . So I was starting to lose interest . But then the cop and the woman are about to say good night , and he kissed her . I mean , he kissed her good . I leaned forward and I might have even scooted forward on the couch a little . It used to be , just a couple of years ago , I would have thought that stuff was junk . But I 'll admit I 'm interested in some of the girls at school . Only I wasn 't sure what to do . I 'd never kissed a girl - - not a real one , anyway , just Mom and aunts and stuff . So I 'm watching real careful to see just what the cop does - - like , does he open his mouth ? And do you aim right for the center of her mouth , or off to the side , or what ? I must have been really into it , because when I felt a touch on my shoulder I jumped up and almost fell onto the coffee table . And Elizabeth started laughing so hard I thought she 'd pee in her pants . I guess she must have seen how I felt , because the teasing left her voice . " No , really ? " she goes . " Oh , Tommy , I 'm sorry I made fun of you . I just thought - - really ? " I told her I 'd thought about it some times , but I just didn 't know how to do it - - you know what I mean . She giggled , and I must have blushed again . I was feeling pretty dumb . Then she apologized again , and she put her arm around me . " Look , " she said , " if you really want to know how to kiss , how about if - - well , if you practiced on me ? I promise I won 't tell anyone . " I wasn 't sure , but then I thought about how it would probably be easier to get over having done something dumb with Elizabeth than with some girl from school . Heck , I 'd done lots of dumb stuff that she knew about . What more could this hurt ? She smiled . She 's got cute dimples when she does that . " Well , uh , I guess you should put your arms around me , " she said , so I did . Elizabeth felt softer than most of my aunts . She closed her eyes and smiled . I had a feeling she was laughing inside . " You said you wouldn 't make fun of me , " I said . I was a little angry . " It 's just , " she started to say , and then she stopped for a second . " You 're right , I said I wouldn 't . Look , maybe I should give you a few tips first . I 'm no expert or anything , but try this . Don 't close your lips so tight . Leave a little opening . Go in slow . And , for heaven 's sake , don 't jump away like you got an electric shock . Take your time ! " We tried again , and I did like she said . It was better , I could tell . Her lips pressed right against mine and we hugged each other and it felt pretty good . That 's when I started to ask a question , but I stopped . It was something I 'd heard the other guys talking about , but it sounded kind of silly to me . But Elizabeth made me go ahead anyway . I figured she 'd start laughing at how dumb I was , but she didn 't . She just smiled and raised her eyebrows . " Who told you about that ? " she wanted to know . Just some guys , I said . Well , she said , it was true . So we hugged again , and she told me to kiss her like before and let her show me . This time when we pressed our lips together , she slipped her tongue between my lips and right into my mouth ! For a second I thought it was gross , but I had to admit it did feel good . And then she said we should try again , and this time I should push my tongue against hers , too . So we did that . I didn 't realize it , but while we were kissing I had gotten a hard - on . If I 'd known it I would 've stopped right away , because I 'd always been really embarrassed about that kind of stuff ; I really hated it when Dad sat me down for the birds - and - bees talk . But I was concentrating on kissing , so I didn 't know . And Elizabeth and I kissed a few more times , slipping our tongues into each other 's mouths . I guess we were holding each other pretty tight , too . I remember I could feel the strap of her bra through the back of her blouse . And on the third or fourth kiss , instead of just backing away we kind of slid our faces sideways , and I was kissing her neck while she was kissing mine . It felt really good . And then she looked down at my lap and her mouth fell open . I was wearing a pair of gray sweatpants , and there was a big , dark stain right in the middle of my crotch , right where there was a big bulge from my cock . Boy , was I embarrassed . The next day was Sunday , and with one thing and another it was impossible to get Elizabeth alone , but I thought about her all day . Finally , after dinner , I was able to pull her aside and suggest we slip out the back door for a little while . I asked her if we could practice kissing again . I was afraid she 'd still be upset about my having a hard - on the last time , but it turned out she 'd been trying to find a way to ask me the same question . We figured we couldn 't stay out there in the dark too long before someone noticed we were missing , but we did kiss and hug a little . But each time we could , we 'd sneak away , just the two of us . I remember one time , we were kissing and I had my hands around Elizabeth 's waist , and then I started rubbing her back . I wasn 't planning anything , really I wasn 't . But as my hands kept rubbing I slid along her side and touched her breast . Well , I touched her bra - - and that through her blouse . But she didn 't jerk away or anything , she just kept kissing . That went on for a couple of weeks , and then we were kissing and I was stroking her through her blouse and Elizabeth asked if I didn 't want to get closer . She pulled her blouse out of her jeans and I put my hand underneath . Her skin was really smooth and soft , and warm , too . I remember running my fingertips over her side and touching her bra cup . It was stiff and scratchy , and I didn 't think she could feel anything under it . But when I put my hand on it she moaned a little and stuck her tongue way inside my mouth . It was tough , with as little time as we had , to do much more . I let her put her hands inside my shirt , and she even stuck them down the back of my jeans once or twice and cupped my butt , which felt kinda weird . The fact is , by that time I wasn 't thinking about other girls , just being with my sister . That may not sound right , but I don 't think either one of us thought we were doing anything wrong . I mean , we were just kissing , after all . And with so little time we couldn 't even think about anything else . We were sitting next to each other on the couch , and Elizabeth put her arm around me and pulled me in close and we started kissing . We were really going at it hot and heavy , I guess . I pulled her blouse out of her pants and she rolled my T - shirt up to my armpits . I could feel my cock pressing hard against my jeans , but I was used to that by now . I don 't even know what the movie was about . We didn 't pay any attention . Mostly because we were kissing , of course , and then we were keeping one eye on the stairs to make sure no one woke up and found us down there . But then we started licking each other 's neck and stuff , and Elizabeth leaned back until she was on her back and I was on top of her . With her on her back like that , her bra was loose and without really knowing it I slipped my hand inside and got my first feel of a real live breast ! This will sound dumb , but it wasn 't as hard as I thought it would be . I guess I didn 't realize that it was the bra that was so stiff , not what was underneath . I mean , I knew there weren 't any bones or anything there , but I just never thought it would feel so good . " You can do that , " she told me , and I didn 't need to be asked twice . So we kept on kissing , and I was fondling my sister 's tits . I guess it 's no surprise that my cock was as hard as a flagpole , especially since I was right on top of her . By that time she 'd swung her legs up onto the couch and I was right in between them , holding myself off of her with one hand while the other was busy . So Elizabeth , she says , " Hey , what are you doing ? " And I asked her what she meant , and she said down there . And I got all embarrassed again , but she said it was all right . " Well , why don 't you slide them down , then ? " she said . I said I didn 't know if I should . She said I could do what I wanted , but she was gonna slide her pants down because she wanted to rub herself too . I didn 't know girls did that . I don 't think any of the guys in school knew , either , because none of them ever mentioned it . But Elizabeth said she sometimes played with herself after we got through kissing because I 'd gotten her so hot . Well , I told her about having dreams about her , and how I 'd done myself too . She said she thought that made her feel really sexy , and I told her I was getting pretty hot thinking about how I 'd made her feel , too . So we both undid our pants and slipped them down around our ankles . Elizabeth had on a pair of shiny pink panties , really smooth . I was glad I just had on my white boxers , not any of the ones Mom had got me last Christmas , the ones with the polka dots or the race cars . We both laughed when we saw the matching stains on the fronts of her panties and my shorts . " I came , " she told me . " That 's what a girl 's orgasm is like . And that was a good one , too . How about you ? " I thought I was gonna blow right then and there , it felt so good . Her fingers were real soft and kinda slippery - - from fingering herself , I guess . I 'd never felt anything like that before ; it was way better than when I jacked myself off . But I was nervous , and I asked her if it was all right , us doing that , being brother and sister . She asked me if I didn 't like it . Of course , I had to say I did . Then she said that it wasn 't much different than just kissing , since we were just touching - - and hadn 't I touched her breasts ? Well , sure , I had , and that made sense to me . Besides , it felt too good with her hand rubbing along my shaft for me to ask her to stop . So she slid it up and down , slowly . When her fingers brushed over the sides of the helmet , I thought I would die . But after she 'd rubbed a little longer it just felt right and pretty soon I felt something happening . I tried to warn her , but the cum just shot right out of me and splattered over her hand and onto her stomach . When he started to tell Mom and Dad that he 'd seen us on the couch , I was freaking . I snuck a peek at Elizabeth , and her face was white . What were we going to say ? Luckily for us , it turned out Nicholas didn 't understand what he saw . He said we were fighting . Elizabeth cut him off real quick and said we were just having a pillow fight , and Mom told Nicholas not to be a snitch . Was I relieved ! That evening , Elizabeth and me were careful to stay away from each other , but she did manage to slip me a note . It said that we should probably play it cool for a few days . I winked at her to show I agreed . When we finally did manage to be alone , it was just for a few seconds , enough for a quick kiss ; we didn 't even have time to talk . But as we split up again , Elizabeth whispered to me . " Write me a note , " she said . So I did . I wrote down how I thought about her all the time , and how I had dreams about her , and how I missed our kissing . I slipped it to her when we were all having dinner . The next day , she gave me a note back . It said she thought about me , too . That made me feel really terrific . And she said she couldn 't wait until we could be together again , which went double for me . But for the next couple of weeks , we didn 't get in a single kiss . We both agreed that after the Nicholas thing we should play it cool , at least as far as any late - night stuff . And we didn 't want anyone to notice us going off by ourselves all the time . As it turned out , though , that didn 't mean we couldn 't do anything . It started one night at dinner . This time Elizabeth and me were sitting next to each other . I was really in agony , having her so close that I could smell the flowery soap she used but not being able to touch her or anything . She had a white cotton blouse on and she 'd left the top two buttons open , so when she bent over a little I could see her breasts hiding in her bra . I wanted to just yank open that blouse and grab hold of them . Anyway , I was taking a bite of spaghetti when I felt something on my crotch . I looked down right away and saw Elizabeth 's hand under the tablecloth . I felt her undoing my zipper . I looked around the table , and no one else seemed to noticing anything going on . It was tough to keep a straight face while my sister slid her hand into my pants and pulled my hard shaft out and starting jacking me off . My dad asked me to pass the butter and it took two or three tries before he got my attention . Elizabeth just giggled and kept on . When I felt myself about to cum I put my hand down there and pushed her away . No way was I gonna cum with my cock waving in the air like that , and get it all over my pants . As it was , I just got it stuffed back into my shorts when I exploded , and I had to wolf down the rest of my food and skip dessert so I could go clean myself up . After that , I wrote Elizabeth a note telling her it wasn 't fair that she could jack me off in front of everybody and I couldn 't get a hand on her breasts unless we were alone . She sent a note right back . " You 'll think of something , " it said . It was later that week that I finally figured out what she meant . In the meantime , she sent me another note saying she missed our sessions so much that she 'd gotten a vibrator to help herself out . I didn 't know what that was at first , but when I sent a note back she drew me a picture . She said one of the girls at school ordered a bunch from some catalog . Elizabeth wrote that she kept hers in her locker at school , and when she did herself in the bathroom she would think about me . God , that made me get a hard - on just thinking about it . I told her so , and she wrote back that she 'd prefer me to the vibrator any time . If found out what she meant that night . A bunch of us were watching TV , with me and Elizabeth and Nicholas all sitting together on the couch . She had on a sweatsuit , which made her look kind of lumpy - - but I still remembered what was underneath . Anyway , she said she was cold and grabbed a blanket and threw it over her lap - - and then she asked if I wasn 't a little chilled , too . I was too dumb to figure it out then , but luckily Nicholas , who was sitting on the other side of me , said he was - - so Elizabeth spread the blanket over all our laps . My fingers brushed over a patch of hair , which I figured was like the one above my cock . And then I felt some folds of skin . They were already a little wet . I didn 't know where I was going , but Elizabeth guided me a little and pretty soon I had worked a couple of fingers into her hole and they got really slick from her juices . I wasn 't sure what to do then , but I started pushing my fingers in and out and I could hear Elizabeth 's breathing getting shallow so I figured I was on the right track . Once I started rubbing faster but Nicholas looked over when he felt the blanket shaking , so I had to slow down . It took awhile , but eventually Elizabeth kind of jerked a few times and then she pulled my hand away , letting me wipe it on the inside of her sweatpants first . So even though we couldn 't get away by ourselves , my sister and I did get a few chances to do each other - - when we were with the rest of the family ! It was so hot . Once we did get together for a few minutes when I ran into her at night in the hallway as we were both going to the bathroom . We figured that it was so late no one else would notice , so we snuck into the toilet together . The door was hardly closed before Elizabeth was all over me , pulling my cock out of my pajamas and planting her lips right on mine . And I was giving it back , too . I put my hand down her panties and stuck my tongue in her mouth . It felt so good to be with her again , without having to hide what we were doing . I was so hot for her I came right away , although I kept diddling her for a few minutes before she could cum . Yeah ! Boy , did I . I told her I had been wondering what she looked like , especially ever since that night she put my hand inside her pants . Elizabeth smiled and said would I like to find out for real ? I thought she was gonna strip right then , but she said we should go back to our rooms before anyone noticed . But if I really wanted to see her naked , she said , I should just wait and see what happened the next night after dinner . She wouldn 't tell me any more . All that day in school I was going around with a permanent hard - on , thinking about getting to see my sister in the nude . I figured she had a great body , from what I 'd been able to see of it and what I 'd felt . I was a little worried about her maybe wanting to see me nude too . I 'm kind of scrawny and I figured she 'd be disappointed , and maybe she wouldn 't want to make out with me any more . But I tried to stop thinking about that and just concentrate on her . After dinner I had to finish up some homework , and I raced through it to make sure I would be downstairs as soon as I could . I didn 't know what to expect , but I didn 't want to risk missing out on whatever it was . There was no way Elizabeth was gonna show me any skin with everybody else around , unless maybe she 'd figured out some way to do it where no one but me could see . But I figured if she did that I probably wouldn 't be able to do much touching , and that would be a pain . I knew that once I saw her naked I 'd want to kiss and lick every inch of her . When I finally finished my homework , I took the stairs two at a time going down , but nothing seemed to be happening . Elizabeth was just reading a book , and Mom was sorting through some mail while Dad balanced the checkbook . My sister gave me a wink when I came down , but she didn 't say anything . I flipped on the TV and sat back to see what would happen . My sister said that she 'd had an offer from one of her teachers to babysit their kids New Year 's Eve , which was just a couple of weeks away . Mom cross - examined her about who the teacher was and how old the kids were - - four - year - old twins - - and how late she 'd be . Elizabeth said she was supposed to be over there at six and they weren 't expected back until two or three in the morning , so she would sleep over . Mom sounded doubtful . Elizabeth begged a little , and even asked Dad what he thought . He said he didn 't like the idea of her being alone with those kids for so long on New Year 's , when who knew what people would be doing . That 's when Elizabeth asked if it would be OK if she had someone else with her . Mom said it would be all right as long as it was some friend they knew and could trust . My sister said she couldn 't ask any of her friends because then she 'd have to split the pay - - so how about if I came along ? I must have looked really surprised , because Dad laughed and said it didn 't look like I was interested . Of course , the joke was on him because I knew now what Elizabeth had planned , and I was absolutely interested . I figured I better not show it too much , though , or they might get suspicious . I hemmed and hawed , but in the end I let my Mom talk me into doing it . The next two weeks seemed to take forever . I mean , Christmas came along , and usually that was my favorite day of the whole year , but now it was just another day that I couldn 't do anything with Elizabeth because there were too many people around . We did kiss under the mistletoe , but I couldn 't even stick my tongue in her mouth . Finally New Year 's Eve arrived . The other kids teased us about missing the big family celebration - - which was a real tease , because all we ever did was have cocoa while we watched TV . I was real careful to hide how excited I was , but it was tough because my cock felt harder and bigger than ever and every time I caught a glimpse of Elizabeth or heard her voice my dick jerked . We got over to the Maxwell 's house - - that was the couple we were babysitting for - - about 6 , just before they left for their party . They told us there was lots of food and pop in the fridge , and left the phone number in case of trouble . I didn 't pay much attention , except when they repeated that they wouldn 't be home until 2 , and more likely 3 . They showed us where the sheets and pillows were to make up the couch - - that was where I was going to sleep - - and finally got out the door . At 7 we held a New Year 's celebration for the twins with noisemakers and ice cream , figuring that would give them time to wind down and actually get to sleep at 8 , their normal bedtime . It worked . We waited until 8 : 30 , just to make sure they were really asleep . When Elizabeth peeked in their room , both the girls were out , snoring quietly . While we had waited for them to settle down and drift off , Elizabeth and me had been kissing and hugging on the couch , so my cock was in agony pressing against my jeans and my hormones were at their peak . I could hardly wait for what would come next . I jumped on the bed to wait for her . She was gone awhile . I wondered if maybe she was gonna change into something sexy like the women in the magazines wear - - you know , some kind of sheer nightgown or panties with the crotch cut out . I 'd seen Elizabeth around the house in her pajamas or nightgowns , but those never showed too much . Of course , that didn 't mean I didn 't like looking at her in them , anyway , but I did think about what she might look like in something fancy . Then she crawled onto the bed with me and we started kissing and stuff . It was good , like always , but I couldn 't stop thinking about what was ahead . I think Elizabeth was anxious , too , because before too long she got off the bed . We stood a few feet apart , just kind of looking at each other for a minute . Then Elizabeth asked , was I sure I wanted to do this . I said yeah , was she ? I was worried again , maybe she was having second thoughts . But she said she was just making sure , that she didn 't want to push me into anything . Then she looked down at my crotch and said it sure didn 't look like I was being pushed in . She could see my cock was pushing out against my jeans like a balloon getting ready to bust . So she said , would I go first . I said that was no fair , I already had my socks off , so she kicked off her shoes and pointed at me . " Your turn , " she said . I pulled off my sweatshirt . Elizabeth groaned when she saw I still had a T - shirt on underneath , but she went ahead anyway and took off her sweater . I said she should take off her blouse too , and she gave in and did it . She had on a plain white bra , nothing fancy , but I didn 't care . This was the first time I 'd gotten a really good look at the breasts I 'd had my hands on , and they looked as good as I 'd thought . Not real big , but not too small either . They kind of bulged out of the bra a little . It was my turn again , and I took off my T - shirt . I felt ashamed because I had no hair on my chest , so I crossed my arms in front of me . Besides , I didn 't know what else to do with them . She had on plain white cotton panties . I could see a dark stain on the front again . This was my first look at her full body , in full light . She was round all over - - not fat , I mean , but good looking , no bony knees or stuff . I took off my jeans then . When I undid the zipper and pulled them partway down , my boner was set free and stuck the front of my boxers out like a tent . Up till then we really hadn 't shown each other anything we hadn 't already seen . But something was going to change soon , and we both knew it . We just looked at each other again for a minute or so . Then Elizabeth put her hands behind her back . When she brought them forward again , her bra came loose and she tossed it aside . Her breasts sagged just a little , but they still stood out . And now I could see her nipples , and the dark circles around them . I licked my lips , trying to think of something smart to say , but I couldn 't . " So how do I look ? " That was Elizabeth . She looked like she didn 't know what to do with her hands , either - - she crossed them under her breasts , then put them on her hips , then just hung them at her sides . She took a few steps toward me , and I reached out a hand and brushed it against the side of her breast . The next thing you know , we were hugging and kissing . I couldn 't get over feeling my sister 's breasts pressing into my chest , just skin to skin . After a few minutes , we both stepped back . Neither one of us said a word . I could hear my heart pounding away like a drum , and I was surprised Elizabeth didn 't say anything about it , it seemed so loud . Every time I took a breath , I held it for a long time before I let it out . We were looking right into each other 's eyes . I don 't think we even blinked . Then there was some kind of signal between us . I don 't even know what it was . But at the same time we both reached down and pulled down the last bits of cloth and there we were : completely naked . My cock stood out longer and stiffer than I 'd ever seen it before . It was pointing straight at Elizabeth 's mound , where she had a patch of soft - looking hair . I couldn 't see much more of her crotch , just the top of the folds , but I knew what was down there . I don 't know about Elizabeth , but I hadn 't really thought much about what would come next . I mean , I 'd had dreams and stuff , but mostly just about seeing her . I never really believed I 'd get to do that , much less anything else . She got back onto the bed , though , and got on her back . When she spread her legs apart I could see everything . I just stared . I 'd never seen a woman 's hole before , but just the sight of it almost made me cum . I thought I was in heaven . My hands went all over my sister 's body . I remember sliding my hand up and down her leg as it was wrapped around my waist ; it was smooth as silk . She even pressed down on my shoulders and put my lips onto her breasts . I got the idea right away . I kissed and licked at the sides , going from one to the other , working my way right up to the nipples . They were already hard , like little gumdrops . I even nipped at them , and Elizabeth seemed to like that . When I moved back up and kissed her again , real slow , she slid her hand down and put her fingers around my cock . I shot almost as soon as she started rubbing . This time , though , instead of getting up to wash it off her stomach , Elizabeth just rubbed it in . She even took some of it on her finger and put it into her mouth and licked it off . I felt dumb for forgetting that she had needs too . I started to apologize , but she said to stop talking and help her out , so I did . I put my fingers inside her while I rolled over and started licking her breasts again . They were saltier than before ; I guess we were both getting pretty sweaty by then . Anyway , it wasn 't long before Elizabeth started bucking her hips up in the air and groaning , and finally she put her hands on mine to make me stop fingering her while she just jerked and shook . I lay back again . I was kind of hoping she 'd want to do it again in a little while , because my cock was getting harder again . I 'd never done it to myself twice in one night , so I wasn 't sure if I could , but my dick sure felt like it . Well , after a minute or two Elizabeth was breathing more normal , and she turned on her side facing me , propping up her head with one hand . She just looked at me , not saying anything . I felt a little funny , ' cause I didn 't think I was much to look at . But then she started talking . Her voice was real low and quiet . She told me that she really liked what we 'd been doing , and that I made her feel real good . I told her I felt the same way . I said it felt great because she made me all excited , she was so pretty , and she made me feel warm inside , too . What did I mean by that , she wanted to know . Well , I knew what I meant , but I hadn 't wanted to say anything . I 'd been feeling that way for a long time , only I didn 't think Elizabeth did . But now , lying there naked next to her , it seemed dumb to hold anything back . I rolled over facing her . And then she said that because we loved each other , maybe we could do something else . Honestly , I didn 't know what she meant . I know that sounds really stupid , but you got to remember we 'd been kissing and making out for months , and nothing more . I mean , this was my sister , after all . I didn 't know what she meant , but I just nodded and said it was OK . I figured there wasn 't anything Elizabeth would want to do that I wouldn 't like . I loved her that much . I was stunned . She was gonna fuck me ! Here I was , some dumb 14 - year - old , and I was gonna have sex with this beautiful woman , my own sister . It didn 't seem possible . She told me it was all taken care of . She was using a diaphragm . She explained that that 's some kind of dojigger she put inside her , and put some goo on it , and it keeps the sperm from getting in . She said she 'd gotten one a few months ago from her doctor , just ' cause one of her girlfriends dared her . She would have gotten the Pill , but there was no way she could really hide that in our house , so she got a diaphragm and kept it in her school locker - - next to the vibrator , I guess . Anyway , she said that there was no way she could get pregnant . When my cock first pressed against her , it just slid away . It took two or three tries before she got it in just the right place . Then my dick slipped in between her pussy lips , and they got wider and wider apart until the whole head slipped in and the lips closed around my shaft and hugged it tight as she lowered herself all the way . She did it real slow , so it was two or three minutes before she was done and my cock was all the way inside her , with her pussy lips right against my balls . There 's nothing that can describe how that felt . It was the best thing in the world . Her pussy was all warm inside , and it was so tight I thought my cock could never move . It felt so good I was sure I 'd shoot my wad right away . But instead I just stayed hard , which was great because I didn 't want this feeling to ever end . For a few minutes I just lay back and watched as Elizabeth 's body bounced up and down , or I looked at the way her pussy lips stretched around my shaft and her juices oozed out and coated my cock . She had her eyes closed , but from the way she was moaning I know she liked what we were doing , too . Then I stared at the way her breasts bobbed up and down . They looked so good I just had to grab them , and I caressed them and stroked my sister 's sides . We kept it up like that for , I don 't know , it must have been at least 15 or 20 minutes . Sometimes Elizabeth would bend down and kiss me , and I 'd slide my hands down to her ass and pull her down onto me even harder . She had another orgasm , and by this time I knew to just hold my cock steady until her tremors eased up . When she slid off of my cock , it was still rock hard . Before I could get upset , though , she told me she didn 't want to stop , just shift positions . This time she got on her back and had me kneel in between her legs . We kept fucking like that for at least another half - hour . Part of the time my cock was almost numb , we 'd been humping so long . It even slipped out of Elizabeth 's pussy completely one time . She kept humping up at the air while she grabbed at my cock and held it while I stuffed it back in . Finally she called out that she was gonna cum again and she wanted me to cum inside her . " Fill me up , " she said . " Fuck me harder , Tommy ! Fill my cunt ! " I 'd never heard anyone in my family talk like that , and to hear those words coming from the mouth of my beautiful , sexy older sister while my cock was driving into her pussy was too much . I shouted out that I was cumming , too , and I did . This time it was like a bomb , with gobs and gobs spurting out of my shaft , and Elizabeth took it all inside her , and she came with me . By then the room was pretty steamy and you could smell our sex real strong . Elizabeth said we should open up the windows and let it air out a little while we took a shower . She meant the both of us ! I was afraid to move much at first , and Elizabeth couldn 't move her hips in or out , but she started wiggling from side to side and that felt pretty good , too . Eventually I got so horny I didn 't care what happened and I just started bucking my hips , slamming my big old dick into her hot tunnel over and over and over . Our moans were echoing off the shower walls . By the time we dried off it was too late to do anything else even if we 'd wanted to , not with the Maxwells coming home who knew when . So we just got into our night clothes and held each other and kissed and snuggled until we heard their car pull up . Then I snuck down into the living room and crawled onto the couch for the night . Now that we know what fucking is like , I don 't know how Elizabeth and I are going to get by with anything less , and being around each other at our house without being able to do it is driving me crazy . A friend of hers whose family is going out of town this weekend loaned Elizabeth her house keys , so we 're hoping we can sneak away at least once . But after that , I don 't know what we can do . Elizabeth said maybe we 'll have to let somebody else in on our secret . I don 't want to share her with anyone , but , maybe , if Susan was interested . . . X - Incest . com has a zero - tolerance policy against ILLEGAL pornography . We have no control over the content of these pages . We take no responsibility for the content . All models are at least 18 years old according to 18 U . S . C . 2257 Statement . © Copyright 2004 - 2016 - BeeR - . All rights reserved . Webmasters - Trade Traffic |
The Friday before Christmas , I woke up about thirty minutes early . I wanted time to get everything down to my car because that was the day I was headed to my parents ' house for the weekend before Christmas . I got ready for work , packed up my car , and headed off to work , in my car , which I think I 've only done three or four times in my 27 months working here . See , the governator , in his infinite wisdom , had given us all some informal time off , four hours paid where we don 't have to work , for the holiday . Since there 's a problem with the headlights , I wanted to leave early and these extra hours were perfect . And leaving from work would get me moving twenty minutes earlier ! Perfect . I got to work and poked around . I didn 't do much actual work because I didn 't have any and SMSN wasn 't here to be all enforcer - like , so I could play silly games and read crap . I shut down my computer five minutes before noon , pulled my sweatshirt on , and read until I could leave . When all the hands pointed up , I sped out of here . I paid for my parking , got in my car , pulled out the leftover pizza I brought for lunch and headed out of town . Traffic wasn 't bad through town . On the highway , people were going slower than they needed to , but they were close to the speed limit and I had myPod playing songs I like and know , so I could sing along . I drove and drove and got to the really narrow part of the highway and traffic became a cross between crawling and stopping . I think I spent forty minutes crawling and stopping before I saw the messy accident that caused it . ( Didn 't see any people , just smashed cars and glass and the CHP guys . ) Even after that the traffic wasn 't smooth because farther down some CHP guys had set up a detour for the people who wanted to drive to the west . I was about an hour behind my normal schedule by this time . After that , it was smoothing sailing for about 3000 feet when the freeway started and things got pokey . Traffic didn 't stop , but it was really slow and pretty tight . I kept my car to the nearly all the way right laBy The explaining that I told Heels I 'd do will not be done , today . We 've started the stupid and pointless " project " I mentioned , but never described , today . During this " project " blogging will only happen if I write the night before at my apartment . The odds of that happening are very , very low . I will try to get that explanation up , Heels , really . I have nothing interesting to say here , so here 's a meme I swiped from Jazz . PS Click the pictures to see where they 're from . How old will you be on your next birthday ? Where would you like to visit ? What is your favorite place ? What are your favorite things ? What is your favorite food ? What is your favorite color ? What is your nickname ? I haven 't had a nickname since Jr . High . Think of that what you will . Where were you born ? Friday , we had a meeting to warn us that we 're going to be doing here at work . We are going to be preparing our files to be scanned in . We were given some very basic instructions about how this prepping with be performed , but it didn 't really cover any of the specifics to our files . The two people who were in charge of the meeting had only just had a teleconference that was with all the other branches in the state and , like all the big teleconferences this department holds , nothing was accomplished except for the roll call . Still , they wanted to give us a heads up and let us ask questions so they could get answers for us . Today , we were e - mailed a revised edition of how we are going to be prepping the files . A couple of things were made clearer , but not much . SMSN , who is one of the two in charge for our office , sent it to we clerks and asked us for more questions for clarification . I , having completed my work and wanting to make sure I am well prepared to do lots of busy work , immediately read the steps , broke them down , and wrote as many questions as I could citing very specific problems with the process they 've given us . I e - mailed it to all the clerks in our office , since we 'll all be doing the prepping and I didn 't SMSN to be bothered with the same questions over and over again . I was very careful not to mention scanning in my questions because no one in our office has actually seen the scanners we 'll be using , although we 've had them for six months , and no one has been trained on the procedures we 'll be using to scan , we 're just talking about getting the files cleaned up so scanning will , hopefully , go very smoothly . Almost right away , I got an e - mail from GICS calling the whole prepping thing bullshit , which it is . I joked back and forth with him about it , but I tried to be , more or less , positive about the stupid things because we 're going to have to do this , no matter what , and at least we 're being given the opportunity to help bring some logic to the stupidity . Our last The Supervisor would have kept us aBy I leave early today , but that doesn 't stop the boring from creeping in . I held on to all the work I was giving yesterday until this morning . It didn 't take long to finish . I wandered around the ' net just looking and nothing struck me . What I really want to do is sit here and read my book , but I don 't know if I could get away with that . It 's not like high school where the teachers had thirty other students to watch and if one spent the whole hour reading a book , why should they care ? Here , there are only a few of us and they expect us to be busy all the time , even though they know that we only get 2 / 3rds the work we got six months ago and a new person was hired in those last six months . So , I try to look busy . I shuffle papers around at my desk . I keep a couple of files around . I get up and wander around ( although that also helps with my sciatica crap ) . I type a letter to my parents . I poke around through comic archives . I roll around in my cubie area and grab my stapler as if I 'm going to use it , bring the stapler back to my desk and ten minutes later I roll it back to its usual place . I cross off today on the calendar with the symbol I use to mark the short day . I eat a granola bar so I won 't take the giant ibuprofen on an empty stomach . I listen to SHTK whine about stupid things and stupid people . Still , I 'm bored . In my head I start thinking about the future . I start with the near future and the possibility of pizza for dinner . I move on to Friday and the drive to my parents ' house and the brother , with his girlie friend , being there ; the last time I saw him was a year ago and I 've never met her . I wonder if JL and H , among others , will want to game . I skip to New Year 's and think about how much I hate that holiday . Then I think farther wonder about people I may meet and places that I 'll dream about visiting . I try to picture myself being visited by the spawn of my brothers , which is really hard , for reasons that I don 't want to write about . I wander through the house that I 'd like to own and I mow the lawn that IBy Remember the post I wrote with that article about changes in immigration policy in Denmark based off of the Muslim population ? Well , over the weekend , my Xanga repost got a reply , which I post in its entirety , unedited : Your analysis obviously only depends on your feelings and not whether the article states defendible facts . Your first response should have been check the facts of the article and having done that to analyse the facts . Only then can you decide whether the article is manipultive . Look back in history and you will note the rise of many hateful and murderous totalitarian regimes . The first observes to warn the world of the potential horrors these regimes would visit on our world were labelled alarmist by people who where too lazy to check facts and prefered instead to slander the authors of the articles . Having lived for extended periods in 4 Muslim countires and spent considerable time in a fifth , I can confirm simialr details as those noted in the article , Salute the Danish Flag - it 's a Symbol of Western Freedom . May I recount just one story for you ? A friend of mine in the UAE awoke one morning to find the head of his 17 year old friend in the residential compound . His crime had been to question Islam as a result of a conversation my friend had had with him . His relatives , having beheaded him , had thrown the lad 's head over the wall during the night . Are all Muslims terrorists . Of course not . By stating one set of facts I am not stting anything more than one set of facts . Can I tell stories of great kindness I have seen displayed by Muslilms ? Yes , many such stories . But I would have to say on balance that I cannot recall any of my friends finding the head of one of their friends in their garden except in the UAE . I do not know of any other culture that practises female circumcision other than Islamic ones . I do not know of any workers so poorly treated as those in the Gulf or Saudi , except perhaps in China or some other place you wouldn 't want to work . Please attempt next time to temper your views with faBy Tired . ( Dunno why . Slept well last night . ) Angry . ( Because here at work someone 's personal call , on a cell phone , at his desk , about the baby 's laundry , is more important than trying to sort out rules that aren 't too clear . ) Sore . ( Scroll down to yesterday 's post . ) Didn 't read all my comics last night . ( Watched Batman Beyond for longer than I intended . ) Wonder why Booster Gold lets Barbara Gordon get shot . ( Does he change history and find it to be not better ? ) Did read the end of " The Sinestro Corp War . " ( The prophecy is interesting . Think that Kanjar Ro will lead the Orange Lanterns , when they come about . ) Other stuff read doesn 't stick in my mind too well . ( Although I do remember enough of one to know that Ice and Fire are soul mates , which doesn 't mean they are , or even should be , lovers . ) Rude Cactus realized he is not a realist and asked what people do to get through . ( No answer from me . Not sure what I do , or why I do , but I do . ) Still have to find Christmas gifts for parents . ( Do coupons for hugs and kisses still work when you 're nearing 30 ? ) Not sure if I 'm going to buy any gifts for some friends this year . ( Just don 't really feel like shopping for and thinking about others , I guess . What does that make me ? Anything at all ? ) Be on my way to Cowtown for Christmas in about 188 hours . ( Not planning on hurting my then . ) Done . ( The End . ) Let me ask , how many of you have had a pinched sciatica ? Raise your hands . Don 't be shy . Well , since I can 't see through your monitor , dear reader , I have no idea who of you has experienced the agony of a pinched sciatica . Remember back before Thanksgiving when I wrote about a twinge in my back ? After I got back here from Thanksgiving , it felt better . No pain at all . On Thursday , as I was walking to work , my low back and my right leg suddenly burned and I couldn 't walk any more . I stopped right where I was and stood there swearing under my breath . I hobbled over to the nearest bench and sat down for a minute , happy to know that the pain was gone . I sat for a minute , or two . . . or five . . . before I finally felt like I could stand up , which , ouch , and walk again . I hobbled the rest of the way to work , each step causing pain down the outside of my leg , from hip to heel . When I got to my desk and sat I felt better , but each time I got up , it hurt . Friday , it still hurt , but I got up , showered , and walked to work , with a quick stop for sitting in the park , this time planned for . Still I hurt standing and walking , but not so much sitting . After work , I went to the movies ( I saw The Golden Compass . It was pretty good . It sucks that they give away the mysteries in a prologue , I wish they had gone with the ending in the book , and I thought there were scenes that needed more space to breath , but Sam Elliot was wonderful and so was the bear and the bear fight was brutal . There 's a moment , during the bear fight , where the audience was stunned into silence . ) but had real trouble getting back to my apartment . I sat on the steps of the church near where I live and think I saw a drug deal go down . ( Although , it could just be my imagination . But I saw a car get parked near the church , the guy got off and walked away . A couple of minutes later , a car pulled up in front of the steps I was sitting on and a guy got out and the car left . This new guy walked over to the car that had just been parked and groped around on the ground near the driBy OJShani was up front , out in the lobby , talking to her friend , what 's - her - name , again . I sat watching her and her friend talk , tapping the first button on my waist when the phone rang , " Russo , Taggart , Godwin & Rose , how can I help you ? " I looked at the bottle the bottle of orange juice . It wasn 't dripping anymore . I doubted it was even cold . " Uhh , yeah , " said some guys voice , " I want to talk to my lawyer . " Shani and her friend were laughing . " And you attorney is ? " I asked , rolling my eyes at Shani . " It 's Ed , darlin ' , " he said . " My lawyer 's Ed . " Shani put her hand on her friend 's arm and leaned . " Sir , we have three attorneys here who could be called ' Ed , ' can you give me a last name ? " I hoped that I wasn 't starting to sound irritated , but to me , my voice sounded high and pinched . " I can 't remember . Do you think you can read me their names ? " I tapped the first button to turn him off and sighed before I pressed it again and said , " Klein . Harstead . Wallace . " " No , " said the guy . I pictured him in ratty red flannel over a greased up t - shirt and missing teeth grimacing and slowly shaking his head from side to side . " I don 't think any of those are my lawyer , honey . Got anymore ? " Shani finished up with her friend and turned toward me . She upped her smile from genuine happy to beaming when her eyes met mine . She wanted something . " Those are the only attorneys we have here who go by ' Ed , ' sir . Maybe if I got your name ? " Shani stopped in front of my desk and leaned in . Her friend hadn 't left the lobby , yet . I cycled through the computer so I could enter the guys name . " Joey , " said the voice on the phone , " Joey Cal . What 's yours ? " " Hold on , " I said , " let me check . " I pressed the first button , looked up into Shani 's broad smile and vacant eyes , and said , " Yeah ? " I typed his name and Shani said , " Look , I know I just got back from my break and all , and I 'm sort of . . . " - - Her smile widened and she winked . - - " But , well , I was sort of wondering - - " I cut her off with a raise of my hand . I knew what she wanted . I hit the first button again , " Mr . CalBy I got this e - mail this morning from a co - worker , it 's title is " Salute the Danish Flag ( Worth Reading ) " : Very interesting - worth the reading . An interesting article on Islamic immigration and the problems created . Salute the Danish Flag - it 's a Symbol of Western FreedomBy Susan MacAllenIn 1978 - 9 I was living and studying in Denmark . But in 1978 - even in Copenhagen , one didn 't see Muslim immigrants . The Danish population embraced visitors , celebrated the exotic , went out of its way to protect each of its citizens . It was proud of its new brand of socialist liberalism - one in development since the conservatives had lost power in 1929 - a system where no worker had to struggle to survive , where one ultimately could count upon the state as in , perhaps , no other western nation at the time . The rest of Europe saw the Scandinavians as free - thinking , progressive and infinitely generous in their welfare policies . Denmark boasted low crime rates , devotion to the environment , a superior educational system and a history of humanitarianism . Denmark was also most generous in its immigration policies - it offered the best welcome in Europe to the new immigrant : generous welfare payments from first arrival plus additional perks in transportation , housing and education . It was determined to set a world example for inclusiveness and multiculturalism . How could it have predicted that one day in 2005 a series of political cartoons in a newspaper would spark violence that would leave dozens dead in the streets - all because its commitment to multiculturalism would come back to bite ? By the 1990 's the growing urban Muslim population was obvious - and its unwillingness to integrate into Danish society was obvious . Years of immigrants had settled into Muslim - exclusive enclaves . As the Muslim leadership became more vocal about what they considered the decadence of Denmark 's liberal way of life , the Danes - once so welcoming - began to feel slighted . Many Danes had begun to see Islam as incompatible with their long - standing values : beliBy It 's been a long time since such a thing has crossed my path . The stuff in the blockquotes came as a bulletin titled " I had this girl " . I 'm the girl who will put her head on your shoulder , not because I 'm sleepy , but because I want to be closer to you . . . And because you 're warm and I 'm cold and you really should have noticed on your own and given me your sweatshirt so I wouldn 't be so cold anymore . I 'm the girl who likes to be kissed in the rain , more than in an expensive resturant . . . Because in the restaurant I 'll be eating only a tiny bit of the food I ordered so you don 't think I 'm a pig and I also won 't feel guilty for ordering the most expensive thing . Sure , I 'll take the foil swan of leftovers home , but if you don 't eat it , I 'll just " forget " about it . I 'm the girl who says , " Okay , but you owe me . . . " jokingly . Not because I actually want something , but because it means I get to spend more time with you and I care . . . Also , you fucking owe me and I 'll be sure to remind you of how I 've never made you pay me back for it every single time I want something from you . I 'm the girl you can take absolutely anywhere and I will have fun because it means I am spending time with you . . . Except , I don 't want to go most of the places you want to go , so we 'll be going to the places I want to go . And if you think it 's unfair or your not having fun or your whining , I 'll remind you of that time I told you that you owe me , but I never called you on it , even though I could have so many times before . I 'm the girl who is incredibly picky , but when I find someone I like I want to spend the whole night curled up in their arms . . . And I promise that some of those nights , you 'll be that someone . I 'm the girl who never forgets all the sweet little things you do for me . . . But I won 't ever bring them up . And if you ever thing of talking about them to me , I 'll start talking about all the times you screwed up , and , trust me , there are more screw ups than sweet little things . I 'm the girl who once I let you into my heart , there 's always a place there witBy I leave work early today and may , if I can get the note thingy , be doing this every Tuesday for the next 12 - 16 weeks . Although with Christmas and New Year 's Day landing on a Tuesday this year , one or two of those days may be on Wednesday instead . In other news , there 's not much to write . The weather is drizzly . It looks more like fog than clouds , but it 's clouds . And the temperature is warmer than it was last week . Not one of the clerks has gone to lunch yet . Does that mean that from 1 : 00 to 1 : 30 there won 't be anyone in the front office ? I 've fallen way behind on e - mails . Not that I have many e - mails , ever . Still , some have sat there more than a month waiting for a response . I 'm tired of trying to find new ways of saying that what I 'm doing hasn 't changed / isn 't changing to the same people over and over . It 's not fair to them because it probably comes out sounding like whining when it 's just the truth and shouldn 't be read with any sort of emotion behind it . Inspiration . I don 't understand it . If a person feels inspired , shouldn 't that person want to create right away ? Why then do so many people claim they feel inspired by something , but don 't create anything ? I read through the most recent issue of Madman last night . It 's a really good , really odd comic book . It made me wish I could draw . Well , no , not really . When I went to Wal * Mart on Sunday , I didn 't buy the thing I went there for . I don 't remember my reasoning , either . I bought the other things I needed . ( And I actually stayed away from the DVDs , so I only bought stuff that I actually needed to keep the apartment in its semi - clean status and to keep my car running , instead of something that I 'd just really like to have , but don 't necessarily even want . ) I wish I could remember why . It wasn 't expensive , either . Just $ 30 - $ 40 and I was expecting to spend more than $ 50 . * sigh * I mailed off my dad 's birthday present today . It 's very , very and a half late . His birthday was in September . I forgot it at Thanksgiving , but it 's on its way now , that 's good . My brother birthday present was sent today , too . His birthday is in a week , but I probably would have forgotten to send it on time , like our mom will , and the I 'd have to make sure to remember to get it and his Christmas present and his girlfriend / fiancée 's Christmas present to our parents so they can get everything to them during the week after . Now I have one less thing to remember . Do you want to know the worst thing about the " holiday season " ? Twice , in just over four weeks , I have to come back here . NaNoWriMo Part 5Well , this is it for the NaNoWriMo thing as an actual NaNoWriMo thing . I failed even more spectacularly this year than last year , but that 's okay ; I knew it would happen like that . I 'll probably come back to this at some point , but there are other bits of fiction I want to write more / first . Here goes , it 's the beginning of a chapter or section called : DurdenOne of the things that Tyler hated were malls . Either they 're freshly cleaned and smell of disinfectant or they haven 't been cleaned for a while and they stink like too many monkeys in a cage . Some people believed that they were for convenient shopping , but how could that be when there are eight stores , with different names , that sell the exact same clothes and three stores that sold games and all the so called music stores sold the same fifteen new albums and displayed DVD , not CDs , in the windows ? There was no variety at any mall , anywhere . Tyler saw them only as locations built for too large parking lots where people could go inside and still convince themselves that they were going " out . " They weren 't out , though . " Out " was someplace more interesting than Forever 21 or Pottery Bar . " Out " was some activity that wasn 't all about money . " Out " was some food that wasn 't timed by a machine so it was exactly the same as all the other hundreds of convenient locations . " Out " was people talking about more than the thing in the window or what 's on sale or what 's new or the slowness of the escalator . Most people rarely , if ever , did " out . " And yet , here he was sitting in the food court on the second floor , sucking on a frozen coffee - like drink , in a mall . At least it was the open mall on K Street , so it didn 't carry the stink of too many people crammed into too small a place trying to spend money as quickly as they were sweating . Not that he was comfortable there , but the gas heat lamps really kept the chill out of the air . " Durden ! " he heard and looked around him . No one . It had to be for him , though . No one had a nickname as stupid as this one . " Durden ! " heBy Thanksgiving was really pretty great this year . It was at my parents ' house , which isn 't quite set up for parties , since a third of the square footage is downstairs , and things can get crowded quickly . My mom 's parents were there and her brother and two of his kids ( nine and six ) . Neither of my brothers were there . ( One 's in Peru , and that 's quite a trip to make for a weekend . ) My mom also invited Johnny Logic and Heels and their son ( two ) over , since their family Thanksgiving was on Friday . There was noshing and talking and card playing and Guess Who playing and watching the two - year old play with the cats ' water dish and probably other things that I 've forgotten . ( The dish is a big glass thing with marbles and water in it . Hell , here 's a picture of him playing . The towel wasn 't there when he started . ) At one point , Heels mentioned the notion of a possibility of a job where she works . In fact , it 'd sort of be as assistant to her , which would probably change the whole tone of this blog ( " You know , that Heels is the greatest boss in the world . She 's so smart and beautiful . I 'm surprised that she doesn 't run the place . She should . She just so damn good . Everyone pales in comparison to her . And the way she treats her subordinates is spectacular . I 've never seen anyone go out of their way to make people feel so useful and needed in a company . " ) because she reads this stuff when her Bloglines gets pinged . Still , if it actually comes up , I actually have stuff that could be put into a portfolio . I 'm happy to know that there 's a notion of a possibility of a job that could actually put some of my schooling to use . Friday was a slow day . I did a lot of laundry . Saturday was spent at Costco and my grandparents ' ( my dad 's parents ) house and a restaurant . We pre - celebrated my grandma 's and uncle 's birthday , which was actually yesterday . I spent Sunday in a bad mood and left a hour later than I wanted to . Then I got here and put stuff away and slept . Dear Mrs . Le Guin , A long time ago , I first read your Earthsea trilogy . I was young when I read it through the first time , fourth grade ( nineteen years ago , now ) . I remember finding the boxed set at a library book sale earlier in the year and they reminded me of the boxed set of The Chronicles of Narnia I got for Christmas a month or so before , and they looked to be about the same size as the Narnia books ; I still wasn 't ready for four and five hundred page books back then . I figured when I was done with Narnia , I 'd start a new set of fantasy books and they 'd be yours . With Narnia finished , a few weeks later , I eagerly started in on A Wizard of Earthsea . I was confused . There was some stuff going on in there , Ged getting his true name and learning the true names of things , but it was so dense . The Narnia books were pretty straight forward ; I knew who was bad , who was good , and the heroes started in a weaker position and worked hard to defeat the evil . Earthsea wasn 't so easy ; Ged was the hero , but he made some big mistakes and the bad people he faced weren 't necessarily evil , just people ; and he may have been growing up in that first book , but the story of his life didn 't always work in an A to B to C way , rather it bounced from one moment to another to another with Ged as the only real connection , until he moved to Roke . By the time I finished the trilogy , I was baffled . I found some interesting things in the books , but there was so much more that I didn 't understand . So , I put the set on my small bookshelf next to Narnia , but whenever I looked at them the Narnia set made me happy and your set made me feel confused and frustrated . I moved on to other books . Orson Scott Card 's Ender 's Game , in fifth grade , opened me up to science fiction . I remember going through science fiction books at the store and the library and seeing your name on novels that seemed to be science fiction rather than fantasy . Some looked interesting , but there was always something nagging in my head , reminding me of how hard a time I had readingBy NaNoWriMo Part 4Didn 't get much done this week and what was done is sort of muddled , incomplete sentences and all . Hell , on the other hand , was what her pre - flight pit stop was supposed to take care of . She got air sick . Not the simple air sick of the movies where a person vomits once into a bag and goes on with the flight , no , she got air sick like most people got sea sick . She started getting queasy when she felt the engines start up . By the time they were barely off the ground , she 'd thrown up at least once . Dramamine . TV TimeClick - - " The nation is stunned this morning after a shocking speech given by the president yesterday afternoon in which he blamed the people of America for the problems he 's been experiencing as president . We go live to Breanne Vanhoose who 's in Washington now . Breanne ? " " I 'm standing across from the White House on one of the most famous streets in America . But instead of the majestic mansion that 's stood for hundreds of years , you 'll see only protesters . They 're here to voice their anger with the president and the words he spoke yesterday . " I spoke with a few of the protesters earlier and asked if they knew that the President had gone home for the holiday and all said it didn 't matter , they 'd be here every day until he came back after the new - - " Click - - " - - the most brilliant thing he 's done since he was elected . He 's energized the base like no person since Martin Luther King Junior . They 're all talking about what he said . They all have an opinion . They all - - " Click - - " - - idiotic move on his part . He 's ruined the chances of his party during the next national elections . They 're going to loose every seat they gained . . . " " Are you suggesting that they made gains in the last election ? Because I don 't remember that . In fact , I think that President Gandbuth actually brought in up in his statment yesterdayFinishing School , or At Least the QuarterGretchen had only one more final and then her first quarter at college would be finished . The final was on a Saturday , though . She wanted to take the person wBy I tweaked my back yesterday . I 'm not sure how because it didn 't happen during the night or around my apartment in the morning or on the walk to work . No . It happened as I was stepping out of the elevator . When I stepped forward with my right foot , my back protested . I took a step with my left foot , all was fine . Right foot , pain . Left foot , normalcy . Stopped , okay . Right , owwww . Left , nada . Odd . I walked into work , cringing at every other step . I sat at my desk . At first , there was a little ache , but it went away after about 30 seconds . I stood up to go on my break , I was okay and hoped that it had gone a way . Right foot forward and a little gasp escaped . All day it went on like that . Walked back to my apartment with a limp that felt , and probably looked , awkward . It didn 't hurt climbing the stairs , though . When I got in bed , I felt better , but occasionally I moved my leg in some way and the back went , oh . Been that way all day . Hoping it doesn 't get worse , I have a long drive tomorrow night . I 've once again fallen into bored mode . There 's work in my basket that I could be looking though , but tomorrow I 'm supposed to take some time training the new SLT on how we process the mail we get each day , which means that I need mail for him to process , and I don 't want to process the mail now only to have to show him how to do it tomorrow only to do it for myself again after he 's through . The stupidest thing about this training that that he 'll never have to do the work that I do . SLTs work for the judges . SLTs do what , in other places , legal secretaries do . SLTs never do the work that I do unless one of us clerks royally fucks up . I 'm only going to be working with him for an hour , but it 'll be a very wasted hour . It 'll be especially wasted because we 're not working together until 10 : 30 . My first two hours will be spent pretending to work , but not actually working so he can try and do my work . Truly , stupidity should be more appreciated . If it was , then sycophants would be able to tell the truth , and it seems to me that more truth is needed in this world . I 'm not sure what else to write right now . I 'm sick of writing about work , just sick of work . I don 't know if this long weekend will charge my batteries , but it will be nice not being here for a few days . In the past few months , I 've discovered the fun of Stargate : Atlantis . The channel that it 's on showed Farscape last year and changed over to this show at the beginning of the season . At first I was upset , but I was also lazy and bored , so I watched the episode . It was fun and it made me laugh . It 's not great , but sometimes science fiction doesn 't need to be great , just whimsical . I really don 't like the character of Ronon ; he 's like a weaker version of Tyr from Andromeda . ( Yes , I can tell the differences in their back story and other ways , but every time Ronon appears on screen I think of how much better Tyr was right from the start while I 've seen Ronon each week since September and I still think he 's boring . ) Still , the occasional appearance by Robert PicardoBy I was house sitting for a neighbor of my parents who lived down the hill from them . My job was to feed and water the cat and to make sure that the garden didn 't get too dry , although it was during the fall because none of the trees had leaves . Early in the morning on my last day of house sitting , my brother , the middle one , and I decided to go ballooning . He had a hot air balloon that was shaped like a dirigible , longer than it was wide , and the basket was shaped the same way . There was a little propeller attached to the basket , although I don 't remember seeing any motor or anything that would drive the propeller to give us any kind of push forward , but it did . We flew over the neighborhood my parents lived in . Someone had come through and cut out massive amounts of manzanita leaving only the twisted stumps covering the hills . When the sun started rising , my brother gave the propeller a push with his hand and set us down near the place I was house sitting . We checked the garden , which was green and lively , and filled the cat 's food and water down near the house then headed back to the garage , which was where my room was , for some breakfast . Outside the door were two guys , older and larger and better looking than us . We asked them to leave and they got up and went . I opened the door and found the cat , looking like someone had poured vegetable oil all over it . My brother said we should clean it up , so I grabbed it and brought it up with us thinking I could give it a bath in the sink , or at least put it in the tub and blast it with the shower . My brother went to the kitchen to get food , and I headed to the bathroom . I pushed the door open , and heard some splashing . " Who 's there ? " I asked . There wasn 't any answer , just splashing . I asked again and dropped the cat . Still , only splashing . Slowly , I walked to the frosted glass doors of the tub . I didn 't see a shape or anything through the glass . I just heard splashing . I slid the door open , then stuck my head in too look around . I saw a baby sitting in about an inch of water smBy Stupidity , that I don 't wish to write about , melted my brain this morning . Still it made me wonder why I didn 't try to take all of next week off instead of the two days supplied . Thursday can not come soon enough . Yesterday , Blogger blocked comments I wrote on some other people 's blogs . I didn 't know that until this morning . I didn 't rewrite any , though , due to the stupidity mentioned above . Been spending a lot of time , this afternoon , playing this Something * Positive archives . I 'm pretty close to finishing 2005 . Between comics , I also rated things at Amazon to " improve my recommendations . " So far , it 's not suggested anything exciting and new to me , but it 's another good time waster . Be well . NaNoWriMo Part 3By the time she got out of the school and into her car , they were running way more than an hour behind schedule and Cindy really had wanted to be at the air force base before her husband got there so they could get off the ground as soon as possible . She wanted to get back home and get to work . It was the only gift she wanted from Marc anymore . Cindy knew it was odd for a president to leave the White House during Christmas . He was expected to be in Washington right up until Christmas Eve hosting functions and greeting important people from other nations and pardoning turkeys and meeting people who helped buy his way into the Oval Office and also meeting the people who failed to help get people of his party elected everywhere during the last election , and until Marc took office , that 's what all the modern Presidents had done . When Marc had first brought up the possibility of running for President , Cindy made him promise that at least twice each year , for two week stretches , they would spend time at home so she could work in her studio . When he was elected , he tried to talk her out of the promise saying that it was important for the two of them to be at the White House as much as possible because it would reassure the people , since the election had been so close , in the popular vote , at least . He also wanted her in Washington , near him , to show the traditionalists that , as crazy as some of his ideas may seem , being President may be his job , but being a husband and father was his real passion in life , so she couldn 't spend most of the year 3000 miles away from him like she did when for the term he spent as a congressman . She stuck to her guns , though . It was bad enough that she 'd be away from her studio for so long , but she wasn 't going to be away from it all year long and she promised that if he didn 't keep his word she would become an embarrassment to his entire administration and possibly for the first time make the American public want a divorced man as heir President . Together , they decided it wouBy |
These last few days I am veering off from my original plans . I had wanted to take a jumping picture , but every picture that I took of BB jumping turned out all blurry , so I had to change my plans . I decided to add in these two pictures . They represented my day ( and most days ) yesterday . On Tuesdays and Thursdays BB does not go to preschool . Since he is home all day that makes it a tough one for all of us . BB doesn 't want LB touching his toys or even getting near them . Just the other day LB was just crawling around and not even close to one of BB 's toys , but BB was convinced that LB wanted to play with it , so he ran over and started yelling at him : ( Anyway , most Tuesdays and Thursdays it is me " yelling " at BB to stop hurting his brother , stop taking toys away , stop yelling at his brother . . . you get the idea . BB makes LB cry and then once LB cries and I go to comfort him BB starts to cry . It really is such a viscous cycle . I can 't remember exactly what was going on here , but LB was holding onto the table and crying ( you can 't tell that he is crying ) and BB was on the ground crying . All I could do at that point was get out my camera and start taking pictures ! It actually helped in calming BB down , which was nice . I am hoping that Thursday will be a better day and I think that it will because we have a playdate in the morning and then my sister in - law is in town and she is really good with entertaining the boys and keeping BB out of trouble ! I am not sticking to my plan again because I ended up taking a picture of something else that I wanted to post about instead . A friend of mine was going to be out of town , so she gave me her tickets to the LA Dodger 's baseball game . I thought that it would be something really fun to take Big Bubs too . It would be his very first baseball game . We don 't have TV , so he has no idea about sports and we talked to him for about a week about what baseball was and how much fun it was going to be . He was very excited about it and was so close to not being able to go because he was being mean to his brother , but he ended up redeeming himself and we went ( Little Bubs stayed home because it was his bedtime ) . We got to the game and BB seemed very interested in it all . When we sat down in our seats BB was only interested in the seats and not so much the game . He kept getting in and out of the seat . He would get out and watch the seat go up , and then he would pull the seat down and get in it and do the whole process over . It was really cute to watch . Whenever the crowd would clap , he would join them too . A family sitting next to us was really into the game and they would yell things out and that would make BB yell some random things out too because he thought that is what you are supposed to do . We also got some peanuts and BB enjoyed opening the shells up and tossing them on the ground . BB told us at the end of the 4th inning that he was tired and wanted to go home ( it was past his bedtime ) . We left the game , but had a really nice time . BB even got to see a home run ! This photo is of him in our seats at the game . Posted by I got the shadow idea from Pinterest and I thought that it was such a cool idea . The original photo was of two kids holding a sign that says , " We Love You Daddy ! " How cute is that ? I would have copied it , but I didn 't feel like making a big sign and I would have needed either cardboard or really sturdy paper . I decided to give the idea a try and just do something simple . This is what I came up with and it was really easy to do and I think that it turned out great . What a cute idea for a card or to send an email ! The only bad thing about this picture is that we had to take it outside and the weather was soooooo HOT ! Good thing it only took two shots ! A bug photo wasn 't on my original plan , but I changed some things up . I decided that I am not going to take the " My Best Body Part Photo . " If you were wondering what I was going to take a picture of for that photo it was going to be my legs from the knees down : ) Anyway , I had to take some bug photos because we have these bugs on our corn plants and I don 't know what they are . The bugs that were on them earlier were a bright orange color and their body looked thinner than these bugs . The orange ones are gone , but these ones are there . I don 't know if the orange ones turned into these ones , or if these are new bugs . I am thinking that maybe the orange ones turned into these because there is still some orange on these bugs . Anyone reading this ( especially Denise ) if you know what these bugs are please let me know ! Will they hurt my plants and if so , how would I get rid of them ? I decided not to take a picture of the outside of my house because it is pretty boring ! A brown and tan house with a lot of brown paint that is faded with some lovely 70s style rocks on the house with a boring lawn and driveway that completes the outside ! I thought that a picture that would best represent my house for what it is known for would be our formal living room , aka the DISCO ROOM ! I think that most of you that read this know the story , but if you don 't here it goes : Before I knew my husband he bought this house and was living in it all bachelor style . He got emailed something from a friend about this new show that was going to renovate your house in seven days and they were looking to do a Star Trek themed renovation . Being the geek that he is he decided that he would sign - up for it because he couldn 't lose anything and the house was a blank canvas because it was a bachelor pad . Well , the producers came to the house and looked at it and they said let 's do something 70s because your house is very 70s . 1 ) Yes , it is very 70s and we are slowly doing upgrades to make it not look so 70s and 2 ) THANK GOD they didn 't stick to the plan of doing a Star Trek home ! Since the show was an " extreme " makeover they decided to do 70s Disco Party ! For a week my husband and his two roommates lived in a trailer outside while the house was renovated . In the living room they put in a light up disco floor ( it even goes with the music ) . They put in a huge disco ball that comes in and out of the attic . They added furniture , and some cool lighting . In the dining room they put in shag carpeting ( they put it in throughout the whole house too ! ) , added a 70s table and light fixture . They made the bar area into a stylish 70s bar . In the bedroom they made a rotating bookcase that has a wet bar on the other side . This bookcase also opens up into the bathroom . The coolest thing was the round rotating bed . When I first saw the place it was very much like something out of the Austin Power 's movies . We have gotten rid of a lot of the stuffHeather I decided to do a food photo today because I wanted to show what I have finally been getting from my garden . This year I planted my garden super duper late ! In years past I have usually started a good majority of them from seed , but as June passed I figured that I just needed to go ahead and buy plants from a nursery . I didn 't get around to buying the plants until the 4th of July weekend . It was then that I planted everything . I was seeing a lot of pictures and hearing about all of the veggies that friends were getting and my plants were still growing . Finally , last week and this week the veggies started growing bigger and were getting big enough to pick ! I 'm really excited about that . I am really amazed at how fast and big zucchini grow . I read that you need to pick them when they are a medium size , but for two of them I waited a little too long . I LOVE how I got a Siamese yellow squash ! A couple of the cherry tomatoes are from a rogue plant ( which was also from a rogue plant ) . Then we have a couple of eggs from our chickens ( Foghorn and Betsy ) . In the background of the picture is our homemade Sous - Vide Cooker ! We were cooking up some steak tonight for dinner . A really cool looking thing that cooks the steaks perfectly ! You get two pictures today ! ! ! Tonight I decided to try making Zucchini Fries . Of course , I got this idea from Pinterest ( if you need an invite let me know and I 'll send you one or you could just go there and sign - up too ! ) . They looked really good and since I had all of this zucchini from my garden I thought that I would give it a try . They tasted delicious ! ! ! Her recipe calls for milk , but I used rice milk . I also didn 't have Italian seasoning bread crumbs , so I just used regular bread crumbs and tossed in some Italian seasoning . Lastly , I had grated Parmesan cheese . I was very pleasantly pleased . On Tuesday I had a craft playdate at my house . It was a lot of fun and I think that everyone had a good time . I wanted to do something that was cheap , easy , and something all ages could do . As I mentioned in a previous post , I am addicted to the site Pinterest . It was from this site that I got the idea for Dyeing Rice and playing with it . I would have never have thought of this idea on my own and I am so grateful that we live in the age of computers and internet because I get great ideas ! Anyway , on the table is a whole bunch of plates filled up with the colored rice . Big Bubs and some of his friends are gluing the rice on paper to make beautiful pictures ! ! I should also mention that before the playdate was going to start BB was hanging out in his underwear . He LOVES to just wear underwear or be nude around the house . I kept telling him that his friends were going to be over soon and he should put some clothes on , but he kept telling me " no . " Once everyone started arriving he got a little shy and went and put some pajama bottoms on . You can 't tell from this picture , but all of his pajama bottoms are getting a bit small , so they are a little tight and short on him : ) Today was a pretty laid back day and there wasn 't much going on . Big Bubs went to preschool , so the Little B and I had the place to ourselves ! It is nice when it is just LB and myself because LB gets to do a lot of exploring and playing with toys that he normally doesn 't get to do when BB is around . I had brought out this blue chair for some reason ( I wish that I could remember why ) and LB was having a really fun time grabbing it and using it to hold onto while he stood up . I got some cute pictures , but I thought that this was the funniest of the bunch ! Since I am never awake for a sunrise I knew that I would have to take a sunset picture . So last night I kept waiting for the sun to go down ( it took forever ! ) and I went into my backyard and took this picture . It isn 't a great picture and the sunset isn 't all that great , but it is all that I had to work with . My house is surrounded by a ton of other houses and I am on the bottom of a hill , so there are not great views . I also was just tired and wanted to get the picture taken . The one cool thing is that I managed to snap the picture with an airplane in it : ) Also , this morning I was up before the sun because LB is not sleeping well at all . I think that he may have a cold , which is causing his horrible sleeping the past few nights . I laughed a little because I thought , " of course I would be awake for a sunrise after I just took my sunset picture the night before ! " The sunrise did look prettier , but oh well ! Here is to hoping that I don 't see another sunrise for awhile ! This is my friend Stephanie and we are at a workshop for the MOMS Club . The workshop was for all of the board members of our group ( I 'm the President ! ) to learn about the club and get answers to questions that we had about running the group . I found that the workshop was really informative and I had a great time . I learned a lot and became more passionate about my position and what we can do with the club . Overall , it was a really happy day ! I also got some adult time with other cool moms without the boys . I don 't think that I have been away from Little Bubs for that long , but it was nice to get that break . Him and his big brother did awesome with just dad ! Plus , I got a cupcake with my lunch and that makes me really happy : ) I was really hoping that I could sneak a picture of either of the boys sleeping , but that was out of the question ! Little Bubs takes naps , but he wakes up pretty easily when there are noises , so I decided that I wouldn 't risk accidentally waking him up . Then Big Bubs only sleeps during the night and by the time he is in bed it is too dark and I am sure that a bright flash would wake him up . The easiest subjects for this day would be the animals . All they seem to do is sleep , so this would be an easy photo to take . Bella is my cat who is sleeping on the chair . She is the crankiest cat that we have , but she tends to hang out in the living room more than the other cats . On the couch is Bella 's cousin Bug . Bug was visiting us for the day and when he does visit he just mostly sleeps on the couch . It is pretty funny because those two are always sleeping in close proximity of one another , but always with a barrier ! Surprise , surprise my addiction is the computer ! Specifically three sites : Google Mail for my email , Facebook , and Pinterest . I have to check these every day and more than once a day . I always start off my day by checking my email and FB . I wish that I wasn 't so addicted to these sites , but it is my connection to the outside world and friends . When I was thinking about addictions I was going to take a picture of some Trader Joe 's hummus and Honey Pretzels , but I ate the last that I had today and I don 't have them everyday , but they are a close second ! With Pinterest I had started to see that friends and some of the blogs I follow were using it . I decided to sign - up and once I did and started using it I became completely addicted . If you haven 't heard of the site I suggest you take a look . You might become addicted too ! Something that I love is animals ! This is our dog Lucy , who we have had for five years now . She is a really great dog and has been beyond great with the boys . We love her to pieces ! I also love lots of animals . We have four cats and five chickens too . We also do not live on a big property . If we did live somewhere with a much bigger yard I know that we would have more animals . I would love to have goats , sheep , pigs , a cow , lizards , turtles , ducks , the list goes on and on . I think that I need to live on a farm : ) Right now I am obsessed with getting a second dog . When we adopted Lucy there was another litter of puppies at the shelter where we got her from . I had really wanted one of the other puppies , but my husband wanted Lucy more . Lucy was super cute and she was already potty trained , which was a huge plus . We ended up going with her and I was not disappointed in that decision . Well , I just happened to be looking at the shelter 's website and I saw that one of the dogs from the litter that I wanted was returned to the shelter : ( They said that something traumatic happened in the family and it broke up and she was returned . It made me sad and I just wanted to adopt her . I 'm going to go check her out , but I have a feeling that she won 't be a good fit for us because they don 't know how she is with kids and chickens . Also , Lucy has some dog aggression issues when she first meets a dog . Plus , I think that I have to be a little crazy to want another dog ! Today 's challenge has been a hard one for me . I was going to do it a couple of days ago , but I couldn 't think of anything that was " old . " There is this tree that is 600 years old , but that would require me to drive a half hour and pay some money to get into the place where it is at and I didn 't feel like doing that . Then this week I was planning on going to the beach with some friends and I thought that taking a picture of the Ocean would be a great one for something old . You really can 't get much older than the Ocean , right ? Well , that idea was thrown out the window because there is no way that I can watch both boys with just myself . BB likes to be in the water and LB just wants to crawl around and eat sand . If I had someone coming with me to watch one of the boys it wouldn 't have been so challenging . I had been thinking and thinking of what to take a picture of . I thought of my house , but then I realized that my husband is older than the house and I should just take a picture of him . I was getting out the camera tonight to take a picture of him and I saw his watch . I asked him if the watch was older than he was and he said , " yes ! " The watch isn 't that much older than him , but it is and even though it isn 't that old in the scheme of things it will have to do ! His watch is a 1969 Omega Speedmaster Pro . This watch came from my Father in - law . My husband and his siblings didn 't know that this watch existed until recently . My husband is a watch officiando ( okay , not really but he knows his watches ) and ended up with the watch and was thrilled about it . He is also looking forward to one day passing it on to either of the boys . This watch is the watch that they wore on the moon and for more information on the story you should read this blog post . A pretty cool watch , if you ask me : ) I have had on my to do list to clean my car forever ! It really needs a good cleaning inside and out . Since I don 't have a lot of free time to clean my car I have had to do it all in pieces . Two weeks ago I vacuumed my car ( except for the very back ) , last week I scrubbed the row of seats that the boys sit in ( it was so dirty and disgusting ! ) . I decided that I would wash it today . It was nice outside and I figured that I could put LB in the playpen and BB could help me wash the car . BB was excited about it and looking forward to it . I got a bucket ( a sand toy one of course because I couldn 't find any other bucket ) , filled it up with soap and then BB got working on my car . He took that car cleaning rag and wiped one side of my car with it and then decided that he was done with that and would rather play in my car : ( It cracks me up when he is in my car because he wants to turn the music on really loud , but he is either listening to The Journey Home From Grandpa 's ( I had no idea that youtube had this on video ! Nathan would LOVE this so much ! ) or NPR . Not really " bumping " music to be playing ! I only managed to get the right side and front of my car washed . LB was done being in the playpen , so I had to get him and trying to wash a car one handed with a baby that is squirmy is very hard ! I figure that tomorrow I will get the left side and the back . You may ask yourself why I just don 't take my car in to get it clean ? It wouldn 't take that long and it doesn 't cost that much . Well , my issue is that whenever I take my car in to get cleaned they never do a really thorough job , like the way I do it . Plus , bringing the boys sounds like too much of a hassle to me . The last time I went to a car wash BB freaked out because he thought the people were taking my car and wouldn 't give it back : ) I should just go and do it though because at the rate I am going it will be a never ending project . . . oh , I did find two screws in one of my tires , which I wouldn 't have known about if I had not been washing my car ! Posted by A baby that is 13 days old seemed like the perfect subject for this blog photo , " Something New . " My friend Carol had her baby boy Maddox on 8 / 1 / 11 and he is adorable . When I went to go drop off a meal for their family I got to meet the little guy . It is funny to me how easily one forgets how small newborns are . Little Bubs is only 10 months old , but I forgot that he was once so tiny ( pictures always make the babies look bigger than what they are too ) . The whole time that I was there visiting , Maddox was passed out and looked like he was in a food coma : ) It was nice meeting the new guy and catching up with some friends . Prior to having kids I never even thought about how bringing a meal to a family that has just had a baby would be one of the best gifts ever . After I had LB friends brought us meals for two weeks . It was so nice not to have to think about cooking and cleaning up for dinner . It was the best gift and now whenever I have a friend that is having a baby I always want to make sure I bring them a dinner . There is this great site that lets someone organize meals to bring to a family . If you know of a friend or family member that will be having a baby soon , please offer to bring them a meal because it really does mean a lot ! Something that I love to do is read ! I got a Kindle last year and that is how I read my books now . Having a Kindle has made reading viable for me with a baby . I have been able to get a lot of reading down when I am nursing , which seems to be a lot of the time . Being able to hold the Kindle in one hand has been so great for me . I think that if I didn 't have my Kindle I wouldn 't have been able to read as much as I have . I have always been one to read a lot and I love doing so . My mom told me that when I was a little kid I would find a corner and take a book and just read . Every year I try to read an average of about two books a month . Even though this picture was a bit staged I am currently reading The Paris Wife by Paula McLain . It is an interesting book that I need to finish by next week for book club : ) Technically this is not a photo , but I thought that it would be fun to add a video in here . BB has never ridden a horse or a pony before . We have been to other petting zoos and places where he has had the opportunity to ride them , but he has always refused . I think that he was too afraid to do so . His preschool had a petting zoo come to school on Friday and I knew that a pony was going to be there . My husband and I talked to him about not being afraid of the horse and told him that they were a lot of fun to ride . I had wanted to come back to school to see BB with the animals and hopefully get some video of him riding a pony . LB was taking a long nap and I had to wake him up to go , but I am glad that I did . When I pulled up BB was on the pony ! ! ! I was so excited to see this . I think that he was really excited to see me . I got out my Flip Video Camera and I hit the button to start recording and it says , " No more space , " or something to that effect ! Darn ! Then I get out my iPhone and it was taking a long time to get the camera to load . Finally it loaded and I got some video , but it wasn 't that great and then the ride was done : ( Luckily , his preschool is fairly small so all of the kids got to ride the pony again . This time I deleted some videos that I know had already been downloaded to my computer and got this video and another one . I am looking forward to getting more videos of him riding horses in the future ! ! ! I LOVE feet pictures ! When I was traveling in Europe we took a foot photo in every city that we were in . I have also been taking them for as long as I can remember . A mommy friend of mine recently took a photo of four kids ' feet on the sidewalk with " Summer ' 11 " written in chalk . I thought that it was such a great picture and really creative . Therefore , I stole the idea : ) ! I would have liked to have the picture look a little differently , but BB wanted to stand on the chalk and it took awhile for him to finally get off of the chalk . Then LB doesn 't stand or walk yet so I had to hold him up and he just kept wanting to lift his feet off of the ground . I did have my husband take this picture because I knew that I wouldn 't be able to while holding LB . You can 't really tell in this picture , but BB 's feet are not that much smaller than mine ! I have tiny feet , but to have feet that are just two inches shorter than mine ( yes , my three year old 's feet are only TWO inches shorter than mine ! ) is crazy ! HAPPY SUMMER 2011 ! When I realized that today was " water photo " day I thought that yesterday 's picture would have been a great one to use . I wasn 't planning on doing any water activities today , so I was thinking , " What should I take a picture of ? " On my way to pick up BB from preschool I got a call from the teacher . She said that he had pooped in his pants and won 't let anyone change him : ( This is the first time that he has ever done that and I should give you a little background on him . Once we got him potty trained he had ( & still has ) an issue with privacy when he is going to the bathroom . He likes to pee and poop with no one around . He even has to have the door closed and locked ! I understand the need for privacy when going to the bathroom , but you can imagine this is not a very conducive habit for preschool . They have three toilets all in one big open room . The kids are free to go potty when they want , but there are also times in the day where the whole class goes together to the bathroom . The teachers have told us that BB doesn 't like to be in the bathroom with other kids and he even prefers some of the teachers over the others and they have it worked out now so that he feels comfortable going to the bathroom . Well , this is all because he is only going # 1 . He has never pooped at school and I think that when he was at school and he realized he had to poop he freaked out and didn 't want to go to the bathroom . Then because he was so embarrassed by pooping in his pants he didn 't want anyone to get near him . He barely let me change him . I REALLY wished that he didn 't let me change him because I dry - heaved a couple of times from the smell , yuck ! ! ! ! ! Anyway , that is probably a little TMI for anyone reading this , but it leads to my water picture . Since BB had pooped in his pants and then hung out in those pants for a bit he needed a bath that night ( I did manage to wipe up all of the poop at the preschool , but still thought it was a good idea for a bath ) . This is him in the bath having a GREAT time ! I really would have loved it if LHeather Today we had a playdate at an Aquatics Center that had a lot of fun water stuff for the kids to play in . BB ( Big Bubs ) was having a great time ! At first , he was a little scared with all of the water spraying and dropping everywhere , but after awhile he got used to it and didn 't ever want to come out . LB ( Little Bubs ) really seemed to enjoy the water too , but after about an hour of playing he was ready for a nap . Since we had friends that were with us BB got a playmate for the rest of the time that we were there . He LOVES older kids and whatever they do or say goes ! I couldn 't get him to listen to me , but a 10 - year old girl could . I also had to add in a picture of LB in his bathing suit because he just looked so cute ! Today I took a photo of a meal I made . Every Sunday I plan out all of my family 's meals for the week and this week I had planned out all easy meals to make . I was hoping that I would have something really cool to take a picture of , but not so much . I planned out the easy to make meals because my husband just started a new job and I wasn 't sure when he would be home and I needed to have meals that were easy to make if I was going to watch both boys on my own while preparing dinner . Tonight was BLAT night ! Bacon ( we used Canadian bacon ) , Lettuce , Avocado , and Tomato with a little mayo , bread , and some broccoli as a side . I usually eat my BLAT with two slices of bread , but when I put them in the toaster I miscounted the total amount of bread I needed and there was only one slice for me . I could have toasted another piece or grabbed a non - toasted piece , but I decided that I would just use one piece and have lettuce as my topping . The meal was yummy and very easy to make ! BB also likes BLATs , which is nice : ) Yesterday we went to this animal rescue place called The Gentle Barn . It was the coolest place . They had a ton of farm animals that you could touch and get really close to . We have gone to other " petting zoo " type places and we have never had the opportunity to get as close to some of the animals as we could here . My favorite animals had to be the cows ! They were the sweetest . The cow in this picture is Buttercup . She was rescued from a backyard butcher . She was really malnurished and was pregnant , but because of her poor health her baby only lived seven months . The people working at this rescue thought that Buttercup would not be a friendly cow because of what she had gone through , but she ended up being a very friendly and maternal cow . Any cow that comes in will be mothered by Buttercup . She was so sweet , gentle , and beautiful . The cow behind her is the first cow that was rescued by this " shelter . " I can 't remember that cow 's name , but she is the nicest cow ever ! She is the cow that you could go and snuggle with and give hugs too . She is the only animal that can be surrounded by people in wheelchairs without freaking out . She is about 12 years old and such a sweet soul . Posted by I was really hoping that I would have a garden with some veggies in it , but no such luck ( kind of ) . I planted my vegetable garden in early July this year because I was just so busy with lots of other stuff . This year my husband made all of these planter boxes because the soil in our backyard is really clay and so hard to dig in and work with . The boxes seem like they are a good addition . I decided that I would take a shot of all of my plants in the back . The front box in the front on the far left is the one that is doing the best . I planted squash , corn , and beans there . The squash is taking off and there is one zucchini that is growing . Then the six stalks of corn have really flourished and we can see the tassels on the corn , which is pretty cool . This is my first time growing corn and it is pretty easy ! Then the boxes on the right hand side have tomatoes , basil , cantaloupe , and a cucumber plant . The tomato plants look like they are doing well , but no tomatoes yet . As you can see our chickens roam free ( that is Foghorn our Leghorn ) in the picture . The chickens love to munch on greens and will destroy my garden if left to their own devices . That meant that we had to put netting all around my garden , which is kind of a pain , but if it was not there all of the plants would have already been eaten . It should be interesting trying to pick the veggies with that netting . Overall , I am happy with what I am getting for how late in the game I started everything . Next year I am sure that it will be much easier ! I am veering off from my original list of photo days , but I warned you that I would do this : ) ! Some of my friends from a moms group that I belong to were going out for the evening . I was looking forward to this night for a few reasons : 1 ) I got to hang out with some cool ladies 2 ) I got to go out without the kids 3 ) I got to get a little dressed up and wear a bit of make - up , which I never do . We went to a Polynesian themed dive bar that was interesting ! We got there and there were not a lot of people there and the bar was smaller than what it looked like on the internet . The table that we are at in the picture was previously occupied by some people and all of us were crammed into this small booth and needed more room . Luckily , the people left and we got the bigger booth . The bartender seemed not to know how to make drinks , which was a little weird . The bar had a tropical list of drinks on every table that probably totaled about 20 - 25 drinks . The bartender had to look up directions on how to make every single one of them and he didn 't appear to be a new bartender because the website states that he is there every Friday night . Two of the ladies that got drinks were told to taste a sip of the drink to see if the wine or the soda was bad . It appears that both were bad ! Overall , it was fun though . I got to hang out with some great friends and laughed a lot . I was the DD and even without the alcohol I had a great time ! I do have to say that I didn 't get home until midnight ( way later than when I go to bed ) and then both boys were not sleeping well so I didn 't go to bed until after 1am and then I was up at 6am . It was like I was hungover today because I was so tired and my eyes and head hurt from the lack of sleep . I am a little behind on posting , but I did not forget to take the pictures ! I just got a little busy , but here they are ! I decided to go with two pictures for this post . I wanted a picture of my Big and Little Bubs together , but getting that picture is hard to do ! BB ( Big Bubs ) likes to bother LB ( Little Bubs ) , so most of the time I am trying to keep the two away from one another and trying to get a picture of them together is not possible . BB was in a good mood today and I asked him if he would get on the couch with his brother . He was very happy to do so . I put them on the couch and then got out the camera fast . LB has started crawling and he no longer will just sit in one place . This meant that I had to be fast on the camera taking . I got the first picture and I was pleased that both of them looked happy , but then I realized that BB was not in focus . I really wanted to try and get another picture . LB was not into having any more pictures taken and was trying to get off of the couch , but I was holding him back and he was not happy and started crying . That is when I got the second shot . The second one BB is in focus and LB is not . I figured that I would put both pictures up because you can see one of them in focus in each shot and it kind of represents my struggle with trying to get pictures with a toddler and an active baby ! This is my family . Looking at the picture it looks like Big Bubs and Little Bubs are best friends , but that is not the case . Big Bubs really likes to pick on the little one and it is a bit frustrating . I would have liked to get a picture with both of the boys looking at the camera , but I figured that it was going to be next to impossible to do . We were late in getting dinner ready and Little Bubs was ready for bed . This time around we only took one picture and that was the keeper ! This is me : ) Today I decided to start out with the self photo . I had pondered how I would take this photo and tried holding the camera out in front of me for a face shot , having the camera on a timer , and taking a picture of me in the mirror . I ended up going with the latter on this . I also have to say that I took A LOT of pictures . All of the ones that I took I wasn 't happy with how I looked , but go figure that I would think that . You can 't really tell in this picture , but I am super tired ! Having two kids that get up in the middle of the night is tiring ! Time got away from me and it has been awhile since I have done a 30 - Day challenge . I had it planned out that I would start the next one in June , but I got busy and before I knew it August was here ! For the next 30 days I will be taking pictures and posting those pictures on here . Just leaving it at that is a tough enough challenge for me because I am not good at keeping up with my own family blog . My husband usually uploads the photos and does whatever needs to be done to get them on Picasa . Hopefully , I will figure out how to do it ! Anyway , I am not leaving it at just taking a picture each day for 30 days . I have come up with 30 different ideas of what to take pictures of . I figured that this way others can also participate and take photos along the same lines as mine ! I will post the list of ideas of pictures below . I will not be following them in order because I know that some days it might be easier to take one picture over another . Enjoy ! 1 - Self Photo2 - Family Picture3 - Kids4 - Animals5 - Garden6 - Something summer - like7 - Friends8 - A meal you made9 - Water 10 - Foot or Feet11 - Video12 - Something You Love To Do13 - Black & White14 - Something Old15 - Something New16 - An Addiction17 - Something You Love18 - Someone or Something Sleeping19 - Sunset20 - A Happy Picture21 - Free Choice ! 22 - Food23 - Picture Of Your House24 - Shadow Picture25 - Someone You Love26 - Your Best Body Part ( PG of course ! ) 27 - Kids # 228 - Tutorial With Pictures29 - Jumping30 - Picture Of You Taken By Someone Else - Heather |
Leave a Comment » I listened to the two young men talk about the events of the previous week . The lines of support versus the lines of protest that had formed outside of the Chick - fil - A restaurants across our nation . I knew one of the young men well . " Brent " is a good Christian man having just turned twenty and is working his way through college . The other one " Nick " a recent college grad about twenty - two , a new employee at my physical therapist 's . I have only met Nick a couple of times , but he also seems like a very nice , intelligent young man as well , and both of them have a great work ethic . A television on the wall was cued to the news , where they were still doing stories on the event that had begun as a challenge by the Arkansas governor to garner support for the company and it 's owner to believe as he wishes . As they both gazed at the television , the young newcomer Nick said " All of those Christians have no problem going out to buy chicken in support of this , but you sure don 't see them all at the homeless shelters in those numbers do you ? I mean think about it , if all those Christians around the nation came out at once to help the homeless , and did it every day , there would be no homeless . " I was enraged inside , I wanted to point my finger at him and tell him to stop judging the followers of Christ of the world , and where did he even get that just because those people were all in line , they were even all Christians ? Are Christians the only ones who enjoy the food at Chick - fil - A ? I think not . I wanted to refute him in every way I could , counting off the reasons why he was wrong to make such a statement , but in the end , I said nothing . I said nothing because I knew that what he said was right . Many of those in line " were " my brothers and sisters in Christ , and they were merely trying to support another brother in Christ who had made a bold statement in a politically correct world , and come under fire for it . But I must also stop and consider the way I look at people who are in high positions , celebrities , politicians , Etc . who use their positions of authority as moxie to make a point . I don 't like it when celebrities use their status and considerable wealth to influence politicians by whispering in their ears , the Sarandon 's and Streisand 's , Turner 's and Trump 's . Therefore how can I say it is okay for someone on the Christian right to do one thing that I think is wrong for someone on the opposite to do . I think that if someone is good at being an actress , they should act , or an actor , the same . If someone is a great real estate investor , then that is what they should stick with , as well as a Christian brother who sells chicken . Am I saying that someone should not be bold when expressing ones beliefs ? Not at all , I have no problem with what he said , I admire his willingness to stand up for his beliefs , but in doing so , flak is just something to be expected . The thing that bothered me the most about what this young man Nick said was that I knew he spoke the truth . It made me wonder why he would think such things about us as Christians , had he been around people who were more talk than action ? Had he been interested in becoming a Christian and been turned off by our hipocrisy ? I knew deep down that what he said was correct though , we are eager to stand up and " tell " everyone what we believe . But haven 't we been doing that since the beginning of time , isn 't it time that we begin to " show " people what we believe by our actions instead ? I cannot speak for anyone else , only for myself . And although I actually like the chicken there ( not a huge fan of the waffle fries though ) , I did not go out and buy chicken that day in support , I was working all day . I am also not much of a bandwagon guy either , preferring not to jump in and swim with the rest of the salmon just because it seems like the thing to do , every time I have done that I always seem to be eating a heaping helping of humble pie afterwards for one reason or other . But I " do " know that I could spend more time giving to those who have a need , and I do know that we as followers of Christ could make a " HUGE " impact on our world if we were to offer up time and money to those in need in the same way that we did in standing by the owner of this company and his right to express his belief in the biblical model for marriage . There will always be controversy , there will always be platforms , and there will always be the poor as Jesus has said ( Matthew 26 : 11 ) . But our ministry is not one where we will win souls to Christ by standing on a street corner and preaching to those who pass us by , those days are mostly gone . Our ministry will best be seen by our love , kindness and generosity to those who are struggling through life . Nick , the young and idealistic man who recently began working with my physical therapist convicted me . He gave me a view of the Christian conglomerate through the eyes of the undecided , or possibly those who have even already rejected our way because of our willingness to wear our faith as a badge of " pride " , rather than to greet those in need with a washbasin and a towell ( John 13 : 1 - 17 ) . So , does this convict you in the way that it does me ? Don 't get me wrong , I don 't think there is anything wrong with anyone who went out and supported this brother , but it shouldn 't be the foundation from which the world sees us as Christ followers . When they think of us , the lines at the Chick - fil - A should not represent what we stand for to them , but rather as servants of Jesus and those He referred to as " the least of these " ( Matthew 25 : 40 ) . 9 Comments » Okay folks , looks like we 're two for two , we have a pair of Linda 's that left a millstone behind recently , so this past post wasn 't all bad . Still waiting to hear how our little Scottish author is doing and if she was able to drop her millstone of angst , we shall see . I really like this new format of action , and I think we should continue it for a little while , and see where it leads us , so I already have challenge number two cooked up in my head , and yes , this is also an interactive challenge , but don 't worry , you can 't get voted off the island or anything , but you can grow your faith . Now our leader , the one we follow , none other than Jesus Christ , He was actually a homeless guy . Now don 't take that the wrong way , I don 't think He spent too many nights under bridges , and I don 't think He pushed a shopping cart . I also know that He was a gainfully employed carpenter until He went on the road with His ministry , but after that , He had no place He called home , He took refuge with whoever offered it . He felt kinship with those who were homeless ; he felt kinship with those who did without . He felt kinship with the forgotten ; He called them " the least of these " . The challenge this week begins in prayer , I pray that the Holy Spirit will guide me where He wants me , and that he will place me in the path of someone each day that I can share the gospel with , and help me to have eyes open to those who need help . That is my prayer , I am not asking you to pray my prayer , but for you to ask the Holy Spirit to help you spot someone this week that you can help . When you see them , that 's where the Holy Spirit will come in , you won 't question whether they are going to spend it on booze , drugs , whatever . The Holy Spirit will give you the answer , and you trust Him , and follow His leading , without doubt . It can be the woman in the drive thru behind you , and you pay her bill when you pay for yours , it can be the single mom with her little boy in the restaurant booth down from you and your family , it can be the young girl with a flat on the side of the road who doesn 't know what to do and can 't reach her dad on her cell phone . During the next seven days , everyone who reads this blog will have multiple opportunities to make a difference in someone 's life . Oh and when you pay for someone 's meal , please do so anonymously . Matthew 6 : 2 - 4 " So when you give to the needy , do not announce it with trumpets , as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets , to be honored by others . Truly I tell you , they have received their reward in full . But when you give to the needy , do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing , so that your giving may be in secret . Then you 're Father , who sees what is done in secret , will reward you . To be encouraged is indeed a grand thing , to be closer to God a thing to be desired , and that relationship is greatly bolstered through the love that we show to one another . Let 's hit the streets and make a difference for our Lord , and I want to hear about it , more than last time , I only got one new comer , and I know there are many of you around the world who read this blog , so sound off , I want to hear your stories of making a difference for the Savior . God Bless - JFT Oh , P . S . This is an addendum to the original note , or addition , however you would like to think of it . Next time you run up to the store , and you are buying groceries or gas , and the clerk asks you if you would like some cash back , say " yes please " . To date , I have not found one homeless person here in Phoenix that takes debit , or a check for that matter . Cash always comes in handy for those times when we feel the tug of the Spirit . Now go get em ' team ! 9 Comments » What is my most valuable worldly possession ? Worldly rules out the soul , because the soul is an everlasting possession , and for the sake of this discussion , I am questioning what is of greatest personal importance here on this earth ? Personal importance cuts out things like God and family , so now we are down to base things , base things we own and have control over . Of those , what is my most important ? Okay , now it really comes down to only a couple of things then , your portfolio right , your net worth monetarily . Yes , many would consider that important , but many people would say there is something even more important than money in this world , and that is our time . For a long time I thought time was my most valuable worldly possession , far more valuable than money and possessions , because when people see a need , many times they are willing to throw money at it , but few will offer their time . It is unseasonably cool in Phoenix , sweater weather for us as I get off work at five ten in the morning and head home . The thermometer in my truck reads 53 F as I drive home in the dark . I pass a place I have passed hundreds of times over the years , and as always , they are there . There is a small crowd gathered at the front door of the blood bank , waiting for it to open so that they may sell their blood . I have driven by here when it was 25 F and there were fifteen people waiting in the dark to get in and offer up their blood for a price . I have heard many people say " they are drunks , wino 's , druggies , and they just need a fix , but I don 't believe that is always the case . Whether it is or not , it doesn 't make those people any less children of God because of a weakness they must feed . What do you have left when you no longer have any money , and nobody wants what time you have to offer them , you only have your blood , the life force that God gives us to power our own bodies . The fact that these people are here so early makes it clear to me that this is all that they have , they are down to their last possession , their only thing of worldly value , and they are selling it . I wonder how many of them are here early , hoping to get paid and then hit the grocery quickly , getting back home before a child wakes so that the child doesn 't know they were ever without food . I wonder how many of them are here to make gas money for the week so that they can get to their jobs to pay the rest of their bills . I wonder how many of them are completely broken people who just want to have the comfort that one more swallow of warm liquid will provide , and the pain that will be erased with its numbness spreading over them again . I wonder as I drive by in my warm truck . Jesus knew the value of blood ; He knew the value of each drop as He felt it leaking from His multiple wounds . He knew it was a gift He had only so much of , and unlike those who sell their blood to make ends meet , He knew He would not live to replenish His supply again . I also feel if Jesus had been in my truck with me the other day , He would have told me to hang a u - turn , and we would have gone back and met them . We would have first stopped and picked up some warm donuts or bagels and then hung out with them for a while , because they were His people , they were His kindred ; they were " the least of these " . Blood saved God 's chosen at the Passover , blood sacrifices were always a pre - curser to atonement from sin , and Jesus blood is what makes it possible for a wretched soul like mine to enter into the lowest place in Heaven . So yes , I am grateful that Jesus gave His most valuable earthly possession that I might get to live with Him one day , to hear His voice , to ask Him questions , to receive His hug . For these things , I am grateful ! 10 Comments » I woke up this morning , after being in the cloud of a dream . The bright sunlight stirring me from my sleep into the present , no longer enveloped in the deep world of slumber . In my dream , I was still at home living with my parents , loved unconditionally it would seem by many , wrapped in the warm comfortable world of perceived security that life in that world takes for granted . That world that knows very little strife , that world not yet tested in its faith by the rigors of harshness that life can dish out . I remember finishing high school , and having to decide which college to attend , based on scholarship money that was offered , curriculum , and of course , living conditions . I began my first semester at the private out of state Christian university feeling like a big grown up , out on my own , freedom to stay up as long as I wanted , go where I wanted , life was grand . I of course forgot that my folks were paying my tuition , purchasing me a meal and board plan , even giving me an allowance to buy gas and some entertainment , but otherwise , I was my own man . It is cold this morning , before getting up , I pull the blankets tighter around my shoulders and marvel at their warmth . How nice it is to have the comfort of warmth at my fingertips . I think on to finishing college , a Bible major , my goal to be a pastor . My college sweetheart became my wife , and we began a meager life in a cheap apartment , where we loved our lives away for the first few years of our marriage . I began as an associate pastor , working with the youth , after all , I was the youngest guy on staff , who better to serve that area . It was great , I loved it , and my wonderful wife Molly supported me through and through . She worked side by side with me , having kids into our home , working as an aide to me without pay , I could not have asked for a better scenario . When the twins came , Molly needed to stay home more , to be the mom she was required to be , and while I understood , I missed her dearly at my side . The church added more and more responsibilities to me as I passed the thirty year mark in age , I took up counseling couples who were in trouble themselves , and took pride in the fact that some marriages were saved . My daily responsibilities were great and time consuming , and the counseling was not fitted into my daytime responsibilities , but instead something I did after hours three days a week . It became common for me to leave at seven in the morning , and not return until after nine in the evening . It began to wear on my marriage . Being a pastor , people do not consider you the same as if you are just another member of the congregation , they consider you a cut above , and they place you up on a pedestal . When they have a problem , they expect you to be there right away . They don 't consider that we have problems and issues just as they do , kids to drop off at soccer just as they do , issues to work out with their spouses just like they do . You are expected to be " on " all the time , you are expected to never falter . Heaven forbid you have a glass of wine with your wife , and someone sees you buying a bottle at the store , you would be labeled a drunk and run out on a rail . I admit it , I got so wrapped up in being a good pastor , that I forgot to fill the love bank at home . I put everyone else 's needs above Molly 's and my needs and we took a back seat to the church . Molly tried to reach out to me , and my stupid answer was the same , " do you want me to leave the church " ? Do you want me to leave the ministry for a regular nine to five job somewhere ? I always put it back on her . What I would give for another chance at that , but that is just a dream like any other I have when I sleep , it will never happen . Molly and the twins left me when I was thirty - seven , I was thirty - eight when the divorce was final . She moved across the country to where her family lives , where she would have some support to raise the twins while she went to work . Last I heard , she was engaged to be married again , and I no longer have the resources to go see the kids . Although I have a flourishing ministry now , I am constantly wracked with pain in asking what if . What if I had sought better balance in my life , what if I had told the church " no " when they piled on more and more . What if I had quit my job at the first sign of trouble in my marriage and gone into the private sector , realizing that a job out in the world doesn 't mean I can 't still minister , actually I would have had more chance to sow the seed than I did at church , where the work is more maintaining and encouraging . I would have had a chance to sow seed on virgin fertile ground , yet I didn 't . I held on like grim death to the church ministry , and my marriage died . I am an outcast to the world at large now , but am known as a pastor in my community , one I serve in with happiness . God has forgiven my past shortcomings , and placed me where he wants me to be , to me a missionary of sorts to a people who needed one , and I am good with that . I comb my hair in my compact mirror , try to get things in order before they begin to arrive . Stowing my bed and going over the lesson I have prepared to make sure it is ready to deliver , a family arrives and asks if this is the church they have heard about . I welcome them warmly as they find a place to sit . Others begin to arrive , the regulars if you will , and one of the members brings up a new bottle of grape juice and a box of communion crackers . I thank him with a warm handshake that leads to a hug . As I watch , the church fully assembles , there are near a hundred of us gathered under this bridge as one of the members begins to lead the rest in a hymn . We are the forgotten , we are the forsaken , and we are the homeless , yet we are children of God as are all other inhabitants of this planet . Some of our number battle substance abuse , as did some in my old church , many have similar stories to mine , stories of loss , stories that led to ultimate humility , stories that led us to be called " the least of these " by the Master , our Lord and Savior . I look at the scripture reference for my sermon today . Matthew 8 : 18 - 20 , When Jesus saw the crowd around him , he gave orders to cross to the other side of the lake . Then a teacher of the law came to him and said , " Teacher , I will follow you wherever you go . " Jesus replied , " Foxes have dens and birds have nests , but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head . " Have you ever thought of that , considered it for what it says ? Jesus was homeless too , He made His home where He was , allowing those He taught to meet His needs . So I ask you , have you ever considered this , what if you were called to be like me , to live under a bridge , to serve the homeless , to lose or give up all your worldly possessions , would you do it ? What if you lost all of the " stuff " in life , and found yourself on the street , would you look for opportunities to serve the Lord wherever you wound up , or would your faith crumble like your wealth had ? One simple statement Jesus made was this , Mark 10 : 21 NIV Jesus looked at him and loved him . " One thing you lack , " he said . " Go , sell everything you have and give to the poor , and you will have treasure in heaven . Then come , follow me . " What would you do if He said it to you ? 8 Comments » Run , run , run ! If this week had a theme , it would surely be that . I am off this week , as I am for one week each month . My schedule is difficult going between twelve - hour days and nights all the time , but the perk of it all is that I get a week off each month . Now , my wife works at a private Christian Prep . School , and this is their " craziest " time of year as they begin school tomorrow and they are trying to prepare for the kids . So , since I have free time , and they need bodies , I have been working for my wife this week . Before I began yesterday , I had a couple of errands to run . I would be power washing the sidewalks and breezeways at the school , so I first picked up a power - washer and began to head over to the school . Knowing it would be a long day , I decided to stop and get a snack and an iced tea at a fast food joint . I entered and found something fairly healthy on the menu , ordered and then waited for it to come up . As I did , I looked around and noticed a man in a booth , he had a medium drink and nothing else , but there was something different about him , and I felt the first tug in my heart . He had snow - white hair and a matching beard and was wearing a panama style hat . He was wearing a light jacket , which was a bit odd , because after all , this is Phoenix in the summer . He sat there chomping ice and looking around , occasionally breaking out in a wide grin at no one in particular . He was right next to the iced tea , and as I filled my cup , the voice of the Spirit kept telling me I needed to interact with him . Okay I thought , but how , what 's my opener , how do I get started . As I puzzled over this , he looked directly at me and I said , " Hey , how 's it going " ? He smiled warmly and said " good , and you " . We chatted for a few minutes , and I asked him if he had eaten , he said no , so I asked if he was hungry and he said yes . I ordered three taco bell burritos and returned to the table . I handed the food off to him , thinking I was fulfilling the spirits leading , but the message that returned to me was " you 're not finished yet mister " . I stood and chatted with the man for a minute or two , but I felt led to ask if I could sit and have lunch with him , to which he said sure and waved to the bench across from him . I shook his hand , and he introduced himself as Cooper . We sat and talked , he told me he was originally from the San Francisco " bay area " , and he had lived and worked up the west coast . " Coop " told me he played guitar and drums , that he had gotten tired of a " fast paced " life , now he just carried around a backpack . He was eventually headed in the direction of Vegas . He then mentioned his faith a bit , and cited a couple of scriptures that inspired him . Unbeknownst to me , a couple at the next table had been watching us . They came to our table and were on the brink of tears as they gave Cooper all the money they had , and told him that if he had a need , their church down the road would be more than willing to help . Cooper smiled and thanked them warmly . After an half hour or so , I said goodbye , shook his hand and left , grateful for the meeting and for being steered to him . Later as I worked the power washer cleaning the school grounds , I kept thinking about Cooper and wondering what lesson the Spirit had led me to . I decided that it was probably several , but one that came to the forefront in my mind is that we are always being watched . Because Cooper didn 't stand out as a homeless guy , if I had I not spoken to him , the young couple would not have overheard , and wouldn 't have been convicted in their heart to help him . A spiritual butterfly effect of sorts . By the time I hung it up for the day , it was eleven PM and I was physically exhausted . My worn out wife and I took off for home at the same time , and I decided to stop and get a Gatorade at a convenience store . As I exited the store , I noticed a large man pushing a walker across the small parking lot toward me , and lesson number two began . He was still quite a ways from me as he shouted out " Hey , excuse me sir , you are a follower of Christ aren 't you " ? I stopped and looked at him , probably a deer in the headlights look on my face as I said yes and nodded . As he approached me slowly I noticed his eyes were wet and slightly red . He said he knew I was before he even asked . The man told me that he was just released from the hospital , and his hospital wristband verified that . A week and a half prior , he had a heart attack and had nearly died . He was a single father , with two teen girls . They lived a hundred and twenty miles away , and he needed to get back home . He had somehow lost or misplaced his wallet , and all he had was ten bucks and his car was on empty . I began to feel the cynical inner voice questioning the validity of his story as the cynical voice was challenged by the voice of the Spirit asking , " Who are you to judge " ? What he said next rocked my world . He said that he had tried to call several of his friends for help , and wasn 't able to reach anyone . He was desperate , and had broken down crying , as his daughter had spoken with him on the phone and told him that there was not one crumb of food left in their home , and he didn 't even have enough gas to get there . He cried out to the Lord for help and the Holy Spirit spoke to him . It was placed on his heart to get out of his car , walk to the front of the store , and the next man who comes out the door will be a man of God . That man will take care of his need . Tears streamed down his face as he related this story to me , and goose - bumps broke out over my body as I knew he was speaking from his heart , verified by the Spirit in my own heart . I told him I would no doubt help him , and then I asked him to wait as I returned into the store . For the second time in a day , I felt the Spirit leading me . As I mentally thought about how much I should decide to give , I knew I was being called to truly " help " this man . As I waited in the store for the clerk to process my request , a young lady came up to me and asked what that man in the parking lot wanted , true concern etched on her face . I said that he just needed a little help , and compassion replaced concern as her eyes watered up , the second time in a day I had seen that same response . She then left and went out and spoke to him . I don 't know what she said , but she was gone by the time I got back outside . He and I talked for a few more minutes , and it turned out one of the friends he had tried to contact I knew . He then asked me if I would pray with him , right there in the parking lot and I said yes . So I placed an arm around his shoulder , as he did mine , and Michael and I went to the Lord . Later that night , as I finally lay down to sleep , I reflected on the day 's lessons . I thought about the two kind - hearted people I had met today , and how I had left them feeling as though I was the one being blessed . It was a great last thought to the day as I drifted off to sleep . God Bless - JFT 4 Comments » The young man sat at an outside table eating a burger with chips that were no doubt from our outside grill . One of the pastors named Sonny had been sitting with him for a while . Sonny was now gone , and the young man sat alone at the comfortable outside patio set beneath the trees . I sat alone , taking an iced tea break from working the parking lot while services were going on . It didn 't take rocket science to see that the man felt out of place as he sat alone eating his burger . It is very humid today , but the breeze makes it nice , so I comment to him how nice it is outside to break the ice , and he agrees . We begin an easy conversation as I walk over and sit down across from him . His name is Joe , and he is from Kansas , although he has traveled around a lot . He has been on the road for a long time , and he is homeless . I learned the hard way a long time ago that homeless people do not like to be referred to as " homeless " , preferring to be referred to as " on the road " . I ask him if he needs anything , or if he is being helped by the pastors , and he smiles , and says yes , but I doubt that they will be able to help me . Now this young man is very articulate , obviously educated and he speaks well . I ask him if there is anything I can help him with , and he sits quietly for a moment , obviously considering whether to open up . He has very clear light brown eyes , that are gentle and kind , and he looks to me , trying to decide whether to trust me , and then makes his decision . I have a problem , and I don 't think the pastors can help me because the only way they could help me is for someone to follow me around for a while . He looks down , averting eye contact as he lays his hamburger down on his napkin . I sit quietly , waiting for him to continue , as he clears his throat and looks me in the eye . Well , you see , when I am walking around , traveling and such , a snake appears at my side and begins talking to me . Sometimes , it will be a rabbit , or a coyote , and they will just walk along next to me and talk my head off . I don 't answer them , I try to pretend that they aren 't there , but after a while it gets numbing . You know it isn 't right , you know there shouldn 't be a snake walking along with you , talking to you , yet there he is . Or a rabbit , I know there shouldn 't be a rabbit , I know rabbits don 't talk , because they are just animals , yet a rabbit visits me regularly and wants to chat . He looks to me sincerely perplexed , searchingly hoping I have some answer for him , yet I realize quickly I am over my head . I have met people who are insane before , but this man does not seem to fit into the same category with those I have met before . He understands the absurdity of what he has just spoken ; yet he is still plagued . I ask him if drugs are a part of his life , and he says no , he did some years ago , but nothing hard . So then I ask the only other thing I can think of . How long have you been visited by these animals I ask . He says he began to be visited occasionally when he was a small boy , but the visits were far apart back then . As he grew older , they began to occur much more often . Now in his mid to late twenties , he has a virtual barnyard of talking animals that accompany him wherever he goes . He ignores them , but they talk - talk - talk , non - stop . Joe then told me he was just very tired , tired of this . He thought that maybe if one of the pastors , or anyone for that matter could follow him , maybe they would see something he was doing wrong and tell him about it . He looks up at me with sincere hope as I look back at him , feeling more helpless than I have felt in a long time . Joe , I ask , what do the animals say to you ? He looks me in the eyes again and says , they talk about God Jim , they talk about God . Sonny returns as I sit staring at Joe , not knowing what to do , what I can possibly offer ; yet wanting to help . Sonny tells Joe that he has a ride hooked up for him to get where he needs to go as Joe looks up and thanks Sonny for the lunch , and for going out of his way to help get him a ride . Sonny and the young man sit at the table waiting for Joe to finish eating , as Joe looks back up to me and says thanks for taking the time to talk to me Jim . I am speechless as I look back at him , nothing to offer , then it occurs to me . Joe , can I pray with you , that you may find your answers . Joe smiles and say 's " that would be great " . I put my arm around his shoulders and we pray together , we pray that God will help him find the answers he seeks , that whatever message is waiting for Joe , God will guide him to it . I close the prayer , shake his hand , turn and walk away . I know I can 't look back . I feel the lump growing in my throat already . I know what to do if someone is hungry , you feed them , thirsty , give them a drink , if they need a roof , or clothing . I know that Jesus refers to them as " the least of these " , but what can you do here , what are the answers ? There are none , sometimes kindness is all you have . I do have faith in God though to answer prayers , and the Bible tells us that we need to have faith that our prayers will be answered . So I am praying that somehow Joe will wind up getting the help and medication he needs to make the talking animals go away for good . 5 Comments » His skin is dark and leathery , a trademark of someone who spends the vast majority of his time out in the sun . It is a Monday , the temperature hovers around one hundred and ten degrees , and he is on the move , again . He has shoulder length mostly gray hair , laced with some darker hair , and appears to be about fifty . When we call out to him , he looks nervously about , wondering if I am friend or foe , then he sees we are offering cold water , his look of apprehension becomes one of desperation . He comes over to us , and happily takes the icy bottle of water . My friend asks him how he is doing , and he says what we have heard many others say , time after time , " I 'm just trying to make it , to survive " . The man leans on his shopping cart and eats the granola bar as though it is a prime rib dinner . I ask him if he is managing to stay in the shade , and he says no , everywhere there is shade , the police run me off , they say it is bad for the businesses . I look into his eyes and recognize a look that I recognize immediately , I have seen it many times before in the eyes of abandoned dogs I have seen at the pound . It is a look of loneliness and homelessness , a look of someone who has nothing left but a few precious mementos in a shopping cart , a look of someone who is low in spirit . We greet another man sitting at a bus stop bench and offer him water and food , he accepts and then begins to speak , yet he makes no sense . He is obviously someone who suffers from mental illness and doesn 't have the resources to treat it . I think if Jesus were here he would want us to embrace rather than push away those who cannot help their actions due to illness . My heart aches . We encounter a man on a bicycle who is also homeless and offer him the same , and he gladly accepts the water and granola , but stops at one bottle . He thanks us then tells us in a very clear and lucid manner that he is also a follower of Christ , and that he too is saved . He then tells us he has lost the path in his walk and really wants to get back on track . He asks where we go to church , and we tell him . We talked for a few minutes with him , and he was very encouraged that we took the time to treat him as a human , which is something that most homeless or down and out people do not get very often , dignity . Many times when we see someone pushing a shopping cart , do we stop to take the time to look at them as a person , or an eyesore . Do we think about them as an equal in the kingdom , or do we just hope that they do not come to our neighborhood . I think if we took the time to talk to them sometimes , we would be shocked to find that they are not so different from us . Many times there is a fine line separating those who are on the street from us . 34 " Then the King will say to those on his right , ' Come , you who are blessed by my Father ; take your inheritance , the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world . 35For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat , I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink , I was a stranger and you invited me in , 36I needed clothes and you clothed me , I was sick and you looked after me , I was in prison and you came to visit me . ' 37 " Then the righteous will answer him , ' Lord , when did we see you hungry and feed you , or thirsty and give you something to drink ? 38When did we see you a stranger and invite you in , or needing clothes and clothe you ? 39When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you ? ' 40 " The King will reply , ' I tell you the truth , whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine , you did for me . |
AUTHOR ' S NOTE : I got the idea for this while listening to the Mel Carter song of the same name . This could be my most dramatic story , here . Remember my story , " Just a Game " ? Well , Linda Stanley makes her second appearance in this story . I didn 't know where to take it though , until last night when I heard a song by the Poni - Tales called " Born Too Late , " which is what I originally wanted to call this , but I changed my mind at the last minute There had been a lot of changes going on since the Monkees time . They saw the start of the Mallards , and met Quackerjack , Reggie , and Drake . They had seen the wedding of Mike 's father , Warren , to Carole Parkington , a younger woman . Mike learned he was half - witch , but is getting used to his powers . Peter had gotten married to Valerie Cartwright , and the two of them were taking care of Peter 's 16 - year - old nephew , Fluey . Mike 's aunt Kate had relocated to California , and was now dating Dr . Joe Early . But there are things that just didn 't seem to change . Davy was still a girl chaser , as was Jerry . Mike 's temper still flared up , but he would take things more literally than he had before . Basically , everything was just about the same . Mike was sitting at the studio , reading over the Writer 's latest movie script . He made a face , threw it over his shoulder , and zapped it into confetti . Jerry walked over to him and sat down in another director 's chair . " You know , I 've been thinkin ' . There 's been a lot of changes goin ' on around here . I get this feelin ' that a big one 's comin ' . " Mike nodded and laughed . He liked Jerry 's warped sense of humor . The two of them picked up another one of the Writer 's scripts and looked it over . As they were doing that , Hank walked into the studio . � Jerry laughed . He 'd have to scour his little black book for a date that day . But then , he decided to go stag for once in his life . Who knows ? He 'd probably meet a girl there anyway . � " Not to me , it isn 't , " Hank said . " She 's my only child , you know . My little girl . And a lot of those high school boys are a bunch of twits ! " Mike left . He wanted to see what Jerry was doing , if he could find him . Jerry was walking around , trying to get through the crowd to find Mike . He stopped short once he saw a girl at one of the picnic tables . She was average height for a girl . Her brown hair came down to her neck and was turned up slightly at the ends , similar to Mary Tyler Moore 's on The Dick Van Dyke Show . Placed in her hair was a white headband . She wore a blue plaid jumper underneath a white blouse and black shoes . Around her neck was a gold heart shaped locket . She had brown eyes , and a very sweet looking face . Jerry was immediately dumbstruck . " Do you know that girl ? " he asked , pointing to the brunette . She finally caught sight of Jerry , looked at him , and then smiled . She seemed even prettier when she smiled . Jerry smiled back . Jerry couldn 't believe such a pretty girl didn 't have a boyfriend . He was entranced by her . He couldn 't stop staring . Linda looked at him , and just smiled . Linda didn 't answer that . She just stared back at Jerry , unable to take her eyes off of his . It was like that song by Jay and the Americans : " Some Enchanted Evening . " Jerry swept through the crowd and walked up to her . " Oh . He treats me like a little kid . He won 't let me date , and every time a boy calls me , Dad grills him like a cheese sandwich ! " Linda blushed and giggled . Drake saw them out of the corner of his eye , looked at Peter , and nodded . The two of them then began to play ( you guessed it ) " Some Enchanted Evening . " The crowd began to dance . After that dance , Hank walked up to Linda and Jerry and cleared his throat . " And dancing , " Jerry said . " I was just being friendly , you know . I wasn 't gonna . . . . I mean , considering she 's only sixteen and all . . . . . " " Good . It 's just some infatuation or somethin ' . All guys tend to take a look at a young girl , and flip out . In my dad 's case , he married the young girl he flipped over . " Jerry just nodded . Besides , he knew she had a crush on Davy Jones , and she was one of those fans who was out of touch with reality . On the way back to the Stanley household , however , Linda was unusually quiet . She just kept staring out the window . " Hey , it 's okay , princess . I had a crush on Annette Funicello and Shelley Fabares at the same time . It 's all right to have a crush on two famous guys at the same time . Davy Jones I understand . But Jerry Blavat however . . . . " " Well , he 's not that famous , Hank , " Christine said . " I remember I had a crush on Ricky Nelson and Fabian . At the same time . " Linda giggled . Then she thought some more . Was this feeling just a crush ? She had a crush on Davy , but when she was talking with Jerry , it felt different than the first time Davy had talked to her . When Davy had talked to her , she became a human Jell - O mold . She was weak in the knees and giddy as a school girl . But when she talked to Jerry , she was a little bit shy , but she found it easy to talk to him . She thought he was cute , funny , and awfully sweet . She wondered if it was really a crush . The next day , Linda went to school as usual . Although , throughout the day kept doodling on a piece of notebook paper during all her classes . Erin leaned over to take a look during math class . " Nothing , " Linda said . Erin yanked the paper out of the notebook and looked at it . As it turned out , Linda was doodling Jerry 's name all over her paper . The bell rang after that incident . Linda grabbed her paper back and gathered up her books . At lunch , Erin met with Shawn , Fluey , Multi , Keith , and Laurie . " That 's usually what girls do when they have a crush on someone , " Fluey said . " My mother would write Rick Springfield 's name all over her schoolbooks over and over again . Guys don 't get like that . " " Jer , you can 't fool me . You 're talkin ' about Linda Stanley , aren 't you ? Well , forget it . You 're ten years older than she is . " Jerry shrugged , and stared into the mirror . He couldn 't shake Linda out of his head . No matter how hard he tried . Drake the studio 's new make - up lady , Judy Dell , had arrived on the set after a lunch date just then . Mike was even more confused than ever . He sighed and went back to reading the new script the Writer had given him . Later , Jerry was reading the script himself . Davy came up to him . " Well , maybe she likes you in a sense of hero worship . Celebrity crush . That sort of thing . I mean , Drake told me he had a crush on Marcia Brady when he was a little kid . So Linda Stanley 's got a crush on me , huh ? " " What 's the big deal , Davy ? So I 've got a crush on a teenager . It 's no big deal . She 'll be over me in a matter of days , and I 'm sure I 'll be over her soon enough ! " " What am I saying ? ! " he shouted . " I don 't want her to be over me now that I know she likes me ! I don 't care what all of them say . I 'm nuts about that girl . " Jerry smiled as he thought about Linda having a crush on him . It was a strange , but he had a feeling that his meant more than all his other girlfriends . He decided not to think about it for the time being . He had a broadcast that night , and he wanted to figure out exactly what he wanted to do with it . That night at the club , he got the surprise of his life . Linda and Christine Stanley walked through the door of the club . Jerry pretended not to notice at first . Fluey just shrugged . Jerry put a couple of records onto the turntables and kept glancing at Linda . Every time he would catch her eye , she began fixing her hair . Jerry nearly dropped a record when he saw her smile at him . And when he smiled back at her , she felt like she was going to melt into a pile of gelatin . Jerry smiled . Linda nearly had a heart attack . And Jerry was practically walking on air . Mike stared at them . He didn 't like the look on Jerry 's face . He was staring adoringly at Linda , and any idiot could see she had the same look on her face . Jerry sat down and took her hand . Mike stood up , but Warren grabbed his hand . " Why should I ? " Mike asked . " I don 't think it 's right for a twenty - six - year - old disc jockey to be flirtin ' with a sixteen - year - old high school student ! " " I wish you 'd lay off the pig Latin in front of me , Warren , " Carole said . " I can 't understand a word you say when you start on that . How Mike understands that , I 'll never know . " " Listen , " Jerry said . " I 've got to get back up to the bandstand and put on another record . But before I go , I want to ask you something . " Jerry went back up to the bandstand , feeling lighter than air . Linda felt as giddy as a school girl . Christine came back to the table just then . " Of course ! Your father may not be as open as I am towards you dating , but I say go ahead . You 're old enough . And I don 't care if that man is older than you are . You go have fun . " " Davy , you know I 'm your biggest fan . But that was before I got to know you better . Once I got to know you better , well , you don 't make me go weak in the knees . But I 'm still your biggest fan . I just don 't want to marry you , anymore . " " Nah , " Davy said . " She 's still me biggest fan . She just doesn 't ' ave a crush on me anymore . You know Jerry asked ' er out ? " " Oh , that 's nice , " Mike said , taking a long sip of Coke . Then the words sank in , and he spat out his cola immediately , all over Warren . " He did what ? ! " " I agree with Mike , " Davy said . " This is just . . . . . weird . ' E 's twenty - six , she 's sixteen . . . . . it can 't be legal . " " I know , I know , " Jerry said . " But I can 't help being nervous . I didn 't really plan anything , because I was so sure she 'd say no . Or her mother wouldn 't let her go out with me . " " Jerry , would you please relax ? ! " Mike shouted . " You 're makin ' me crazy . It 's bad enough you 've got a date with a teenager ! " Jerry ignored him , and began running a comb through his hair . At six , Reggie dropped in on Jerry , to see how it was going . At the time , Jerry was in the process of getting ready for his date . He was throwing things out of his closet , talking a mile a minute . Reggie smiled and stepped into Jerry 's closet . He pulled out a dark blue jacket and threw it at him . Then he went over to the chest of drawers and began pulling things out right and left . He threw Jerry a pair of gray pants , and a bright red neck tie . Jerry shrugged and pulled himself together . Then Reggie whipped out a comb and began combing Jerry 's hair . After that , he took some cologne from the table and spritzed him with it . Reggie laughed . Jerry walked out of his apartment , out to the garage , and got into his car . He drove off to Linda 's house , got out of the car , walked up to the front porch , and rang the doorbell . Hank answered it . " Hi , Jerry , " he said . " I just want you to know , if you hurt my little girl , I 'll hurt you . Get it ? " " Got it , " Jerry said . " But you have nothing to worry about . I promise I won 't lay a hand on her . I won 't try to intoxicate her . I won 't touch her . " Christine left the room , giving her husband the Evil Eye . Hank just shrugged , and went back inside . Linda came to the door just then , wearing a white shirt , pink skirt , and black flats . " Good , " Hank said . Then he turned to Linda . " Have a good time , princess . And remember , no drinking , no drugs , and no drive - in movies ! I heard about this guy 's reputation as ' Steam - Up - The Windows ' Blavat . " Jerry 's cheeks turned pink . He did plan on going to the drive - in , but now he had to rethink his plans . Fathers always could tell when their daughters ' dates fool around with them . Christine smacked Hank in the arm . " Well , I wanted to go to the drive - in , but . . . . " Jerry said . " I don 't think your dad will believe we went to the drive in and I didn 't try to steam up the windows . So how about just catching a flick at the movie theater ? " Jerry drove to the nearest movie theater in town . An old horror film was playing , The Blob . It was one of those corny 1950 's horror films . Throughout the film , Jerry had tried to strategically put his arm around Linda 's shoulders , but every time he got close , he 'd chicken out , afraid that somehow or another Hank would know . Linda had a slight feeling something was up , so she looked at Jerry , and noticed his arm was sort of outstretched . She knew what he wanted to do , so she took his arm and put it around her shoulders . Then she leaned her head on his shoulder . Linda nodded , and the two of them continued watching the movie . At all the right moments , all the girls in the theater would scream , and move closer to their boyfriends . Jerry enjoyed that moment . After the movie , it was almost ten thirty , so Jerry took Linda home and walked her to the porch . Linda and Jerry just looked at each other for a bit . Then the two of them leaned in , trying to kiss each other . Just as Jerry got close enough to smell Linda 's strawberry scented lip gloss , the door opened . " Ahem , ahem , ahem ! " Hank cleared his throat , and rather loudly . Jerry grabbed Linda 's hand just then and kissed it , instead of her lips . " Oh , Daddy ! " Linda groaned . Then she walked inside the house , and up to her room , giggling like a school girl . She picked up her white teddy bear and squeezed it . Mike 's eyes grew wide , and he looked over at Quacky in shock . He knew Jerry was hooked on Linda , but he didn 't think it could be love . In fact , he didn 't believe it . He thought it was just an infatuation . Puppy love . There was no way it could be real love . And that 's what Hank figured , too . In fact , Linda hadn 't been doing well in school that entire week . She failed two tests that she could have aced , forgot to turn in her homework , and even came into class after the bell rang ! " I know , " Linda said . " But I just can 't stop thinking about that date last week . And I have another one with Jerry this Friday . I can 't stop thinking about him . " " Not necessarily , " Fluey said . " I mean , she 's showing all the signs Uncle Peter showed when he met Aunt Valerie . And Uncle Peter said ever since Jerry got back from his date with Linda , he 's been kind of out of it . All he thinks about is Linda these days . " Everybody else sort of groaned . That Friday , Jerry was sitting in a director 's chair , thinking . He wondered if his feelings towards Linda was just a crush , or if it was love . He wasn 't so sure . He figured he 'd ask an expert on the subject . And since Mike was so uneasy about all of this , he decided to go to Valerie . " I see . Well , in Peter 's case , it was love at first sight . I thought he was really cute , and sweet , and much nicer than Ronnie Farnsworth , who was my old boyfriend . After my party , we dated awhile , and then gradually , I knew he was the one . " " You can 't stop thinking about them , every time you see them you feel like you 're walking on air , and you just get this feeling . You feel a way you 've never felt before . But the clincher is the kiss . " " Yep . When the two of you kiss , something will happen . You 'll see sparks , hear fireworks , bells , whatever , and then you 'll know . " Jerry stood up and left . And from what Valerie told him , he was sure it was love . He couldn 't stop thinking about Linda , and every time he saw her , he felt lighter than air . It had to be love . Throughout the next week , Jerry and Linda saw more of each other , and Linda saw less of her schoolwork . And Hank wasn 't too happy with her . In fact , he got a call from one of her teachers at the station . " I see , " Hank said . " She 's been dating an older man , and all she thinks about is him , so that 's the main problem . Don 't worry , Mrs . Cassidy . I 'll straighten her out . " With that , Paul ran for the latrine to begin cleaning it again . When Hank started yelling , you 'd better do as he says , or else ! That night , Jerry and Linda were at an Italian restaurant on yet another date . The two of them hit a lull . It was driving them crazy . After dinner , Jerry drove Linda home . The two of them sat in the car for awhile . Jerry banged his thumbs against the steering wheel , just looking at Linda . Linda was fiddling with the radio . She played around with the station dial until an old Dean Martin song came on , " That 's Amore . " She looked at Jerry and smiled . Jerry smiled back . Then the two of them leaned closer , closer , ever closer until their lips met . The moment their lips touched something happened . Jerry could hear fireworks explode . Linda felt electricity . Then they remembered what Valerie had told him . Once they pulled away , they smiled at each other . Linda nodded . Then she closed her eyes and leaned into Jerry again . Jerry closed his eyes as well and both of them kissed once more . As they were in the middle of it , there was a knock on the window . Hank was standing there , looking ready to kill Jerry . Jerry got nervous and immediately got out of the car . " Not even that , " Hank said . " I mean , I figured it would happen sooner or later . After all , you 're a boy , Linda 's a girl . " Hank and Linda went back into the house . Linda went up to her room , shut the door , and let out a shriek of delight . She grabbed an old doll of hers that she tended to talk to every now and again , and jumped on her bed . " He kissed me ! " she shouted . " He kissed me ! He kissed me , and I felt electricity ! I knew it ! I knew it ! It 's love ! " Linda hugged her doll , then threw it on the floor . Then she grabbed her teddy bear , gave it the biggest squeeze known to man , and squealed . She gave it a kiss on the nose . Then she hugged all her other dolls and stuffed animals , she was so happy . Jerry , in the meantime , was in somewhat of a state of shock . Reggie was waiting for him in the lobby of the hotel . Jerry laughed and he and Reggie walked over to the elevator . Reggie wanted every detail of the incident . The next day , Jerry was walking around the studio , lost in a fog . He danced about , singing to himself . A look of shock came over Mike 's face . He couldn 't believe that . He looked over at Jerry , who looked like one of the world 's greatest living fools dancing around , singing to himself . � This whole thing just burned him up . � Mike refused to believe it . Jerry was too old for Linda . � Micky then left the studio . He went to Rampart General Hospital and told Lynn and Carole the whole thing . Lynn laughed . " Ohhh , I hear wedding bells , " she said . Then she began to walk around , humming the wedding march . " Dum - dum - da - dum . Dum - dum - da - dum ! Hey , I wonder if they 'll let me be the maid of honor ? " Micky gave Lynn a horrified Look and dashed out of Rampart as fast as he could . He wanted to find Jerry and talk to him , so he went back to the studio . Jerry was still singing to himself . " Did I feel something ? Of course I did ! I felt magic ! I felt electricity ! I felt like I was melting ! Micky , this is much more than a crush . It 's love ! " " It has to be love . Why else would I feel electricity and hear bells and fireworks when we kissed ? I felt something different when I kissed her . It 's got to be destiny . " Mike gave her a Look that would stop a herd of mad stampeding buffalos dead in their tracks . Lynn looked a bit nervous . So , she stood up and decided to do her impression of Animal on Muppet Babies . " Oh , Mike , what 's the big deal ? " Dr . Early asked . " So Jerry 's ten years older than Linda . They 're in love . Age doesn 't matter in love . " " Mike , it 's not a big deal , " Dr . Brackett said . " They 've just been dating . Jerry hasn 't taken advantage of her . You know he wouldn 't do that . " " Why don 't you guys get this ? ! " Mike yelled , and then he ran off . Dr . Brackett , Dr . Early , Dixie , and Carole looked at each other and shrugged . Mike stormed out of Rampart , and went directly for Springfield Apartments . He stomped through the door , over to the elevators , and practically punched the button right through the wall . Reggie came up to him . Reggie sighed . He decided to follow Mike to make sure he didn 't go from a lecture to a massacre . He pounded on Jerry 's door until it opened . " Linda Stanley . Jerry , before you say anythin ' , I know you think you 're in love , but you 're not ! You don 't know what love is ! " " Mike , I know I 've never felt the way I do about any other girl before . This has to be love . I 've kissed plenty of other girls , and not once did I feel anything . " Mike glared at Jerry . Jerry glared right back at him . Reggie was staying out of this . He didn 't want to get involved in a bloodbath . Mike then took Jerry 's hand and sent an electrical current through him . " Let 's see if this 'll change your mind ! " he shouted . Jerry screamed in pain as Mike sent the shock through his system . After awhile , Mike let go . " You can 't tell me what to do ! " Jerry shouted . " I 'm not a little kid , and you 're not my father ! I can date whoever I want ! You can electrocute me for all I care , but I won 't stop seeing Linda ! I love her ! " " No , Jerry , you don 't , " Mike said . " You can 't love her ! You don 't know what love is ! You wouldn 't know love if it came up and bit you ! You 're too old for her ! " Jerry slammed the door in Mike 's face . Reggie dashed down the hall to get away from Mike before he blew a gasket . At school , Linda was telling her friends about the date , and the kiss . They didn 't quite know what to make of it . The others had to agree with that one , however , Erin , Keith , and Laurie weren 't too sure . They were happy for Linda , but they were worried about what Hank was going to do when he found out . They would find out soon enough . Hank got yet another call from one of Linda 's teachers . Her grades had been slipping . Hank threw the paper at Christine . Linda had answered only two or three questions correctly , and she had doodled sketches of Jerry all over it . Her French test looked the same . Both had big , fat , red F 's at the top . Christine was fed up with this same old argument . Linda walked into the house just then . She was out at a burger joint with Fluey , Multi , and Shawn . " How can it be real love ? " Hank asked . " You 're only sixteen ! You 're too young to be in love , especially with a twenty - six - year - old man ! " " Yeah , Dad , " Linda said . " Drake Mallard married his wife when she was eighteen , and Mike Nesmith married Phyllis when she was seventeen ! And his father 's twenty - five years older than his wife ! " " But I was nineteen when your mother and I met , " Hank said . " Drake Mallard was also eighteen when he married Pam , Mike was twenty - one , and Carole Nesmith is an adult ! You 're just a child , Linda ! " " I 'm not a child ! " Linda shouted . " I 'm sixteen years old ! I 'm not a little girl anymore ! I 'm almost a woman ! " " Almost is right . I 'm sorry , Linda , but Jerry Blavat has got to go . I 'm only looking out for your best interest . " " Honey , he 's a womanizer ! He can 't stay committed ! He 's just infatuated with a younger girl , and all he wants is to just take advantage of you . I know his type , and they 're all alike . He 's a playboy , a Don Juan , a Casanova , a wolf , a . . . . . " " I don 't care ! " Linda shouted . " And I 'm not a little girl anymore ! You can 't tell me what to do ! " " Your the meanest , most rotten daddy in the whole world ! " she wailed . Then she continued running up the stairs , and down the hall , into her room . Then she slammed the door shut . Christine wanted to run after her , but she turned to Hank instead . Christine stormed off . Hank just threw his hands up in frustration and started up the stairs . He could still hear Linda crying , so he knocked on her door . Hank decided not to push it . When a teenage girl gets mad , she could stay mad for a pretty long time . Linda figured he didn 't understand about love , anyway . All she wanted was to be with Jerry . She knew he was the one for her . Couldn 't her father see that ? She picked up her teddy bear and hugged him . " Daddy is so mean , " she cried . " He won 't let me see the man that I love ! If I can 't be near Jerry , I 'll just die ! " Linda squeezed her bear as hard as she could . Then she stood up and went over to her closet . She pulled out a suitcase , opened it up , and started packing some of her clothes . She also put some of her books and CD 's in , as well . She put her teddy bear on the bed , put on her coat , and left her room . Neither Hank nor Christine were around , so she walked down the stairs , and out the door . She was going to be with Jerry , no matter what . Luckily , she knew where his apartment was . However , it was dark outside , and the streets of Los Angeles aren 't exactly the safest places to be at night . Although the Springfield Apartments were a nice place , they were still downtown , and a lot of whackos and sickos hangout in the streets , waiting for a sweet girl like Linda to come along . As she was walking , a guy with slick hair came out of an alley . He reminded Linda of Squiggy on Laverne and Shirley . Jerry took Linda 's suitcase and the two of them walked to his apartment . There , Linda told him everything he wanted to know . He nodded and heaved a sigh . " I know what you 're going through , " he said . " Mike sent an electric shock through me , as if to threaten me . He just doesn 't understand that it 's possible for an older man to fall in love with a younger girl . I feel like I 'm in a production of Romeo and Juliet ! " " Nobody can see that we 're in love , " Linda said . " I just want to be with you , Jerry . I 'd rather die than live one day without you ! " Jerry ran into the bedroom , and yanked his own suitcase out of the closet . Linda watched him grab some clothes and records and cram them into his suitcase . Then he grabbed his coat , put it on , and took Linda 's hand . " I love you , too , Linda . That 's why we should elope . We both love each other so much , we couldn 't stand it if we were forced apart by my best friend or your father . " Jerry and Linda raced down the staircase and out to the garage . Jerry opened the trunk of his car and he and Linda put their suitcases in . Then they got into the car and were off . " Maybe a few hours , " Jerry replied . " If we take the freeway . And don 't worry about traffic . There 's usually not much this time of night . If I 'm doing my math right , we oughta be in Vegas by . . . . . . between eleven and twelve . " " Plenty . Since we want to get married tonight , we can 't do anything fancy , like have a themed wedding . We just need to get a marriage license , and find a chapel that specializes in spur of the moment weddings . " Linda laughed . She turned on the radio and just relaxed , not worrying what her father was going to say about this . She didn 't care . Neither did Jerry . By eleven forty - five , the couple had drove into the Las Vegas city limits . They had to get some necessities before they could find a chapel . Neither of them had brought any formal wear with them , so they had to do some quick shopping . Jerry bought a plain gray suit , nothing fancy . Linda had found a white , sleeveless minidress , white gloves , and white high heels . Once the two of them got their clothes , they went to a jewelers to get the rings . They bought two plain gold bands . Then they made a mad dash to the courthouse for the marriage license . They were able to get that without any hitches . Then , they found a chapel that specialized in those spur of the moment weddings . Jerry parked the car , and he and Linda walked inside . Jerry didn 't even think of that . He figured no florist would be open at that time of night . But the man said it happened all the time , and the chapel always had flowers on hand . They managed to make a bouquet of white roses for Linda . They also gave her a wrist corsage , made of a white carnation , and a white rosebud . They gave Jerry a matching boutonniere . Within minutes , the two of them were all set . They had given their names to the man , who passed them on to the minister . Hilda proceeded to play the ol ' wedding march on the organ . Jerry and Linda came down the aisle . The minister folded her hands ( yes , there are women ministers in the world , for those of you who might not be aware of that ) , and started the ceremony . " Okay , give me the rings , " the minister said . Jerry pulled the rings out of his pocket and handed them to the minister . She handed one of them back to him . " Now , Jerry , " she said . " Take the ring , place it on Linda 's finger and repeat after me . With this ring , I thee wed . " " Okay , Linda , " she said . " Take the ring , place it on Jerry 's finger , and repeat . With this ring , I thee wed . " " Very good , " the minister said . " By the power vested in me by the state of Nevada , I now pronounce you man and wife . You may now kiss the bride . " Jerry kissed Linda , and the two of them were officially married . They left the chapel and went out to the car . The parking lot was practically empty . Jerry turned on the radio . Mel Carter 's " Hold Me , Thrill Me , Kiss Me " was just starting . He looked at Linda and smiled . Linda smiled back , and the two of them danced to that song in the parking lot . Once the song was over , they got into the car and drove to the nearest hotel . There was no way Jerry was going to drive back to California that night . The nearest hotel happened to be Caesar 's Palace , and they were lucky enough to get a room . " While you were busy trying to find a make - shift wedding dress , I went and bought the champagne , " he said . He took two glasses and filled them . " Don 't worry , it 's non - alcoholic . I promised myself I wouldn 't get you drunk until you were twenty - one . " Linda and Jerry clinked glasses , and drank . Linda kicked off her high heels and sat down on the bed . She gave Jerry an inviting look . Jerry smiled , and walked over to the other side of the bed , taking off his suit jacket . Linda leaned up to him , and loosened his tie . Linda giggled . Jerry threw his tie on the floor and then unbuttoned his shirt . Linda stood up and pulled the covers down from the bed . Then she gave Jerry a look that simply said " Come hither . " " I love it when you look at me like that , " Jerry said , walking over to the bed . He took off his shoes and crawled into bed . Linda giggled and climbed in as well . Then she put her arms around Jerry 's neck and kissed him . " I love you , too , " Jerry replied , running his hands through her hair . The two of them began to kiss . They were really getting into it . " I can just see the excuse note now , " Jerry laughed as Linda stroked his hair . " Please excuse Linda from school today . She 's on her honeymoon . " Linda cracked up , and kissed Jerry 's ear . Then she moved to his cheek , and then his lips . Jerry ran his fingers through her hair and kissed her passionately . He took his finger and twirled it around a strand of her hair . Linda cuddled up close to him and kissed him again . As they were kissing , Jerry leaned over and turned off the lamp . Then the two of them really got into it . The next morning , they woke up in each other 's arms . Jerry enjoyed the feeling . He planted a light kiss on Linda 's cheek . She smiled , and ran her hand through his dark brown hair . Linda giggled , and kissed Jerry 's cheek . After awhile , they finally got out of bed , got dressed , and left the room . They told the desk clerk that they planned on spending one more night in the room . Once that was arranged , the two of them went sight seeing . Jerry couldn 't take Linda into the casinos , so he had to make due with checking out the other attractions . Jerry took Linda 's hand , and they found out where Siegfried and Roy 's show was . As it turned out , the act didn 't do much for either of them , but Linda enjoyed watching the tigers . Then , they went back to the hotel room for a goodnight 's sleep ( but before they did that , they had a little bit of fun , if you catch my drift ) . The next morning , they packed up their stuff , and headed for the car . Jerry had a lot to do before he could actually go face the others . Once he and Linda were back in Los Angeles , they began to scour the real estate section of the newspaper , in order to find a house . Jerry 's apartment was too small for the both of them , and there was no way they could live at Linda 's house ! Jerry found one that interested him , and called up the real estate agent to look at the house that very day . The house was in the suburbs , close enough to the high school , but far enough away from the noise of the city . " Yes , sir . It is , " Ms . Richards continued . " And it 's a nice neighborhood , too . Like something out of the nineteen fifties . I tell you , Mr . and Mrs . Blavat , this is the ideal home for a young , newlywed couple like yourselves . " " It 's a deal . Just sign here , " Ms . Richards said , taking out the necessary papers . Jerry signed them . Then she left . Linda was a bit worried . " I make over twenty thousand dollars a year , " Jerry replied , sitting on the couch . " Trust me , I can afford anything we want . And since I work in the afternoons , you can still go to school , and I 'll do all the necessary housework . And you can even go to college . " Linda smiled and sat down on Jerry 's lap . He put his arms around her and hugged her . She took his chin in her hand and kissed his lips . It looked like everything would work out for the best . Monday , May 12 , came along . Jerry drove Linda to school and dropped her off . " I 'll pick you up at three , " he said . " And then we 'll head for the studio . That 's when Reggie 's party starts , since Fluey and his friends are coming . I 'll see you then . " Linda nodded and went to her locker . The entire day went on . Linda was paying better attention in class , and was doing better on tests . She signed all her papers " Linda Stanley Blavat " however . The teachers were a little confused at that , but they didn 't do anything about it . Three o ' clock came . Jerry was waiting outside , just like he said . Linda jumped into his car , and the two of them headed for the studio . At the studio , the party was already in full swing . Mike had realized he 'd blown it . " You know , I think my dad 's been right the whole time , " he said . " Look at him and Carole . They 're years apart , but they 're still in love , right ? " " No . I wanted to tell you I 've been a real jerk lately . I mean , I don 't know why I got so bent out of shape when I heard you were in love with Linda . After all , I met Phyllis when she was sixteen , and I was nineteen goin ' on twenty , anyway . And then there 's Dad and Carole . I finally realized that love knows no age , like what Lynn , Carole , Dad , and Reggie have been tellin ' me all this time . " " A ring , " Jerry said . Normally , Reggie and Mike wouldn 't have been too shocked . Jerry does wear rings on various fingers . But this was the third finger on the left hand , and the ring was just a plain band of gold . " That 's not just a ring , Jer , " Mike said , holding up his own left hand . " It 's nearly identical to my ring . That 's a weddin ' ring . " Reggie and Mike were speechless . Jerry half expected Mike to blow a gasket . Instead , he folded his arms across his chest , turned away , and sort of pouted . " Nah , what could you do ? I mean , I sent a shock through you , and I 'm sorry I did that . But when I did that , I didn 't think it was right for you two to be datin ' , but well . . . . " At that time , Linda was talking to Micky about something or another . Micky kept staring at her hand . He wasn 't sure , but he thought he saw something glittering on her finger . Finally , he took hold of her hand and looked . " No big deal ? ! " Micky shouted . " How can you say it 's no big deal ? ! Jerry 's twenty - six , Linda 's sixteen , they 're married , they probably already engaged in intercourse , and . . . . . . . . Micky Baby ? " " Chill a minute , Micky , " Lynn said . " They 're in love , and Cap won 't let them see each other , and these two crazy kids would rather die than live without each other . So it makes sense . It 's like Romeo and Juliet . " The two of them laughed . It seems that the only one who wasn 't optimistic about the marriage was Micky . And he was just worried about what Hank was going to say ( or worse yet , do ) when he found out about this ! And he kept on worrying about it the next morning at the station ! " Well , you 're in luck . Cap 's not here yet . He hasn 't been the same since his daughter ran away to get married . " Dan thought about it . That 's when Hank walked in , and it looked like he hadn 't slept in weeks ! He sat down at the kitchen table . " No , Cap , I 'm sure he didn 't hurt her . In fact , she seemed very happy with him . She 's been with him for four days , and they looked very happy together . " " Oh . Well , I guess I 've been a little harsh . I mean , I was mad she was failing school , which is so unlike her . I 'm going to find her after school , and tell her she can still date Jerry if she wants to . " " THEY DID WHAAAAAAT ? ? ? ? ! ! ! ! ! " Hank screamed . He shot to his feet , and began storming around the station . " I ' M GONNA KILL HIM ! I ' M GONNA KILL THAT NO GOOD ROTTEN DIRTY SON OF A TWIT ! " Micky , Dan , and T . J . ran for cover . Hank stormed over to the phone . He grabbed it , and punched in the buttons as hard as he could . " Calling my lawyer ! " Hank shouted . " I need a restraining order on that boy right now ! Now , you get out of here , " � he started pointing at Micky , � " and both of you give that darn lazy good for nothing mutt a bath ! " Micky saluted and quickly left the station while , Dan and T . J . didn 't ask questions . They just got up and ran off . They stopped in the living room to find Henry , who wasn 't on his usual perch . Henry just whimpered . It had been obvious that Hank scared the poor dog silly ! Dan got him out from underneath the couch , and took him outside . They also talked Ned and Paul into giving them a hand with bathing the dog . Ned and Paul looked at each other . They were glad they were staying out of this mess ! After awhile , Hank hung up the phone and stormed outside . He was getting straight to the bottom of this if it was the last thing he did . The others saw the look on his face , and made room . Hank went over to his car , got in , and slammed the door shut . Then he drove off down the street . Dan and T . J . looked at each other . " Don 't think I don 't know that he and my little girl went to Las Vegas to get married ! I want him away from my baby once and for all ! You tell him that , Bushroot ! " Hank stormed out . Reggie got a nervous look on his face and dashed outside and jumped on his motorcycle . He had to get to the studio as fast as he could . Jerry was sitting there , going over a script with Mike . " Simple , " Hank said . " Linda 's sixteen . Blavat 's twenty - six . Don 't you think that 's a little strange ? " " You 're too overprotective ! Linda 's not a little girl , and she 's in love ! If you hadn 't forbidden her to see Jerry , they wouldn 't have gotten married ! " Mike hung up and turned to Reggie and Jerry . He threw them the thumb 's up sign . Jerry left and went to the high school . It was during study hall , so he could talk to Linda without interrupting a class . Linda nodded . She and Jerry kissed each other goodbye , and Jerry went back to the studio . Saturday rolled along . Jerry 's hunch was right . That 's when the group arrived at the courthouse , in order to get this mess straightened out . Hank and Christine sat in the plaintiff 's booth , with a well dressed woman with chin length blond hair that seemed to be glued to her head ! Mike , Jerry , Linda , and Steve were in the defendant 's booth , waiting for something to happen . Steve looked over at Hank 's lawyer and nearly choked . " Thank you , your honor , " Mary Pason said , standing up . " My client , Captain Hank Stanley , has been a good father for sixteen years . His daughter , Linda , met a disc jockey by the name of Jerry Blavat , who happens to be ten years older than her daughter . The two of them began to date , which caused a slippage in young Linda 's grades . Captain Stanley confronted his daughter , and told her she could not go out with the alleged disc jockey anymore . As a result , Linda Stanley ran away from home and eloped with the twenty - six - year - old Casanova . " " Your honor , " he said . " The only reason Linda Stanley ran away from home was because she honestly and truly loves my client , Jerry Blavat . And he loves her . The two of them couldn 't stand to be apart . It wasn 't an act of rebellion from Miss Stanley , and it wasn 't an act of sexual pleasure from Mr . Blavat . On the night of May eighth , Linda Stanley and Jerry Blavat went to Las Vegas to get married , only because they loved each other so much , they wanted to spend their lives together , and they knew that Captain Stanley would never give them his blessings . It was an act of true love . " " Of course , your honor . I 'm merely a father looking out for my little girl 's best interest . She should be dating someone her own age . Jerry Blavat is ten years older than my daughter . They may call it love , but I know better . It can 't be love ! Sixteen is too young to fall in love . And many men get infatuated by younger girls . This is strictly what is happening here , and they have no right to be married . " " Thank you . In the beginnin ' , I thought it was a bad idea , but then I realized that my wife , Phyllis , was sixteen when we met , and I was almost twenty . Then , when I was twenty - one , I married her , and she was seventeen . Then my father , who 's forty - seven , married Carole Parkington , who is twenty - two . They are twenty - five years apart . " " That love knows no age . If two people are enough in love , then they should get married and spend their lives together . Jerry and Linda may be destined to be together , too . But nobody is willin ' to give those two a chance . I mean , anybody can see that they love each other so much , they couldn 't bear it if they were driven apart . I know , your honor , if you 'll look into your heart , you 'll see the point I 'm tryin ' to make here . I always say that love is power . And it 's the strongest power in the world . Nothin ' on this earth can destroy love . That 's all I 'm sayin ' . " " I 'll have to think about this , " Judge Anders said . " Court will recess until an hour from now . Then I will have my decision . " Pason walked off , her high heels clacking with every step . There was something about her Mike didn 't like . An hour later , Judge Anders returned to the courtroom , stepped up to the platform , and banged the gavel on the desk . " Mr . Nesmith , you provided me with a very persuasive argument , " he said . " I happen to agree with you . Love is the strongest power there is . It 's more powerful than anything . " " However , " Judge Anders continued . " I have decided to rule in favor of Captain Stanley , considering his daughter is only sixteen years old . Captain Stanley , I grant your request for a restraining order against Mr . Jerry Blavat . Mr . Blavat is to stay away from Linda Stanley at all times . He may not communicate with her in person , or over the phone . Case dismissed , court adjourned . " " I told you I never lose a case , Phillips , " Mary Pason said , and she packed up her paperwork and clacked out of the courtroom . Steve stifled the urge to throw the pitcher of water that was sitting on the desk at her . Hank walked over to Linda and took her hand . Linda was ready to scream . In fact , she did . Hank practically had to drag her out of the courtroom . Christine just followed her husband and daughter in silence . Jerry just stood there , mouth hanging open . He felt his heart shattering into a million pieces . " Linda ! " he screamed , and then started running after the Stanleys . They were already in their car , and ready to drive off . Jerry ran after them , but Mike grabbed his arm before he could reach the street . " Jerry , calm down a little , " Steve said . " There 's nothing I can do about this , man . The judge 's decision was final . " " This can 't be happening ! " Jerry shouted . He stopped squirming as he watched the car disappear over a hill . He caught his breath , and dropped to his knees . Then he let out an ear piercing shriek , buried his face in his hands and began to cry uncontrollably . Mike stared at him in shock . There was nothing Mike could do about it . He just took Jerry down to the studio . The others wanted to know the outcome of the case . When they saw Mike and Jerry , they already knew what had happened . " The worst , " Mike said . " The judge ruled in Captain Stanley 's favor , only because of Linda 's age . He couldn 't care less if love is power or not . " Jerry spent the rest of the day holed up in the dressing room , his heart breaking into pieces . He felt as if Captain Stanley ripped his heart out and danced the flamenco on it . He couldn 't understand why he didn 't see that he and Linda were in love . Linda wasn 't a barrel of monkeys herself . She had been wailing hysterically since they left the courthouse ! The family happened to be at a restaurant , celebrating the victory . Linda was practically screeching . " It 's nothing , " Christine said . " My husband just took my daughter 's boyfriend to court , and put a restraining order on him . He dissolved contact between the two of them , and they 're too much in love with each other . " A shocked look came over the woman 's face , and she turned to Hank . She shook her head in disgust at him . Then she told her husband , who told the couple sitting behind them . They told the couple at the table next to them , who told the family next to them . Pretty soon , it was all over the restaurant . " Check please ! " Hank groaned , raising his hand . The waitress came , and gave him the check . He paid it , stood up , and left . The people just looked at him , and shook their heads . The entire restaurant began yelling at him just then . Hank ignored all of them . A little baby sensed all that was going on , and flung a spoonful of mashed peas at him . They hit him right between the eyes . He growled , and stormed out of the restaurant . He got into his car and drove off . Christine stared at him . Hank ignored her . Monday at school , Linda was practically lost in a fog . She wasn 't screaming anymore , but she was still upset , and it was pretty easy to see . Everybody knew what had been going on , and the kids stared at her . A bunch of jerks pointed and laughed at her . Linda ignored all of them . The snobby girls kept whispering to themselves , and every so often , they pointed at Linda and giggled . Her friends thought that was just plain terrible . Lunch time rolled around . Kids passed Linda 's table , and giggled at her . The others didn 't do much of anything , except shoot them all dirty looks . Fluey gave her a Look and went back to his lunch . Linda basically drummed her fingers against the table . The others showed up after a few minutes . Not one of them could find a thing to talk about . Fluey tapped his foot nervously . Multi banged his eraser on the table . Keith happened to be eating potato chips and he was crunching on them loudly . Shawna was sucking Coca - Cola through a straw , and doing it noisily . But nobody was talking that was for sure ! Shawn finally spoke up , trying to change the subject . " I managed to talk Uncle Peter into performing , " Fluey said . " Actually , The Monkees and Camille 's group , Elusive Butterfly , are gonna be performing . You know they 've been doing Shangri - Las stuff . " Fluey forgot for a moment that most of the Shangri - Las songs usually dealt with breaking up and all the other sad parts of life . Or at least the ones he knew , anyway . They hit another lull . Lucky for them , the bell rang , to bail them out . Screen Gems wasn 't that much a hive of activity as well . Mike kept watching Jerry . He gathered Fluey , Multi , Shawn , Erin , Keith , and Laurie to give them an update . " I 'm startin ' to get worried , " he said . " He won 't talk to anybody , he won 't do his radio show , he 's even refusin ' to eat . This is hittin ' him hard , but I 'm not sure how hard . I 'm afraid he might make himself sick . " " I saw Linda in the library today , " Multi said . " And it 's easy to see that she 's upset , too . Especially with the prom coming up . " " I talked to Del , " Shawn said . " And he did ask her . He knows her heart belongs to Jerry , but he was just trying to add a little fun in her life . " The next morning , Sarah dropped by the studio on the way to school . They found Jerry sitting in a director 's chair , propped up on his elbow , staring into space . He never looked so miserable in his entire life . Mike walked over to them . Sarah nodded and she and Mike walked over towards Jerry . They noticed his attire for that day : a bright green shirt . He had been wearing a lot of green lately . " Come on , Jer , " Mike said . " Get out of this deep blue funk you 're in . And you know you can 't resist Sarah 's cookies . " " Come on , Jer , " Davy said , taking the plate from Sarah . " ' Ave a cookie , mate . You ' aven 't eaten anything in three days ! " " Jerry , if you 'll just . . . . " Mike started . Jerry jumped up and smacked the plate right out of Davy 's hands . The cookies fell to the floor and crumbled into pieces , followed by the plate , which also smashed into pieces . " What becomes of the brokenhearted , " Mike said . " Ever since I heard that song , I 've always wanted to know the answer to that question . Now I know , and I wish I didn 't . " Davy nodded . He looked over at Jerry , and sighed . He had no idea what Jerry was going through , but it was more serious than anybody seemed . He was suffering a broken heart . Since the disaster at the courthouse , the heartache grew stronger each day . Jerry could barely take the pain he felt . He stopped eating because of that . He wore Linda 's favorite color every day , as if it could ease the pain of his breaking heart . It didn 't . It seemed to make the pain more , since he thought about her night and day . He cried himself to sleep nearly every night . His eyes became red and swollen . The others weren 't sure what to do about it . They all had tried attempts to cheer him up , but none of them worked . He rode his bicycle by Linda 's house every morning , in hopes to catch a glimpse of her leaving for school . But every time the door would open and she would come out , Hank would be right behind her , and he 'd have to take off . By Friday , it all came crashing down . Jerry still refused food . He listened to his copy of " What Becomes of the Brokenhearted ? " non - stop . The others were growing more and more concerned . " I don 't know , " Mike said . " This is somethin ' even magic won 't fix . Captain Stanley 's got a court order , and I can 't appeal it right now . Jerry 's in no condition to show up in court . " The others sighed . Jerry stood up from his perch and proceeded to walk around the studio , sort of aimlessly . He hadn 't been sleeping well . Nightmares of Hank flooded all his dreams . Once or twice , he had stayed up the entire night and watched the late movie on TV . At that moment , he was on his way to the Writer 's office to see if she had a new script in the works . He was about halfway there when he stopped . Mike ran over to him . He sensed something was wrong . Really wrong . Jerry didn 't answer . He just raised his hand to his chest , and gripped his shirt . He let out a moan , and sunk to his knees . Mike knelt down next to him . Jerry had only about an ounce of strength left in him . He moaned again , closed his eyes , and collapsed . Mike caught him before he could hit the ground . The others looked on , shocked . Micky and Reggie ran over to the scene . " I think you 're right , " he said . " I 'm gonna take him to Rampart . They may know how to deal with heartsickness , ' cause I don 't ! " Mike lifted Jerry off the ground and carried him to his car . Micky and Reggie looked at each other , shocked . Mike nearly broke the sound barrier on his way to Rampart . He dashed to the front desk where Dixie and Dr . Brackett were standing . " It 's Jerry . This whole thing with Captain Stanley and Linda is really tearin ' him apart . He hasn 't been sleepin ' , he 's refusin ' food , and he just collapsed at the studio . He 's in my car right now , and I think he may have a fever or somethin ' . " Dr . Brackett called in two orderlies , and told them to prepare a gurney . He , Mike , and the orderlies ran out to Mike 's car , and put Jerry on the gurney , and wheeled him into the hospital . They took him up to a room , and hooked him up to various machines . Dr . Brackett then took one of those new thermometers , placed the tip in Jerry 's ear , and pressed the button on top . He kept it there for about five seconds . Then he pulled it out and looked at the results . " Hard to tell . He 's got a very high fever . And besides which , a broken heart is nearly impossible to mend . Also , his spirit is very weak . If we can 't get this boy to cheer up and soon . . . . . " Mike nodded , and sighed . Dr . Brackett patted his shoulder , as to reassure him . Both of them were worried . They went down to the lounge for some coffee . They ran into Dan and T . J . , who were about ready to sign out . Mike snapped his fingers and a test tube appeared in his hand . He stuck his finger inside , and transferred some of his magic into it . Then he corked it , and handed it to Dan . Dan and T . J . left , sort of in shock about the entire thing . T . J . drove back to the station , as calmly as he could , but Dan was incensed . He agreed it was Hank 's fault that Jerry was in the hospital with a broken heart . He didn 't see it before , but now he saw that Jerry and Linda were madly in love . They had been forced apart , and Jerry just couldn 't stand it anymore . Plus Hank was telling them Linda was making a big scene everywhere she went with him , and Christine wouldn 't help him get her to stop crying and screaming and carrying on . " We just came from Rampart , " he said . " Here 's the latest news , Cap . Mike Nesmith had to check Jerry in as a patient . He 's entered Heartbreak Hotel , and badly . " Dan gave Hank the test tube , and then left . T . J . followed him , giving Hank a disgusted look . Hank shook his head , and pulled the cork out of the test tube . Magic flew out and zapped Hank . When the smoke cleared , he was burnt to a crisp . T . J . groaned , and shook his head . Then he and Dan headed over to the latrine . Mad or not , they still had to follow Hank 's orders . Hank in the meantime , went into his office and called his house . Linda picked up the phone . With that , Linda slammed the phone on the hook . Hank just groaned and hung up himself . Now Linda was even more angry with him than before ! But he was sure he did the right thing by keeping them apart . It was just a matter of time before she got over Jerry , he was sure of it . A week went by . Mike spent most of it at Rampart . He kept going in and out of the room . The others dropped by every now and again . " Not good , " Mike said , massaging his forehead . " He 's extremely sick . I 'm doin ' my best to bring his fever down , but nothin 's workin ' . Jerry needs to be cheered up , but I can 't think of a way to do it . " " Micky , that doesn 't work , " he said . " We need Lynn . If anybody can get a sad patient to cheer up , it 's her . " Lynn began to tap dance down the hall and into another room . Micky and Mike followed . Lynn came out with a model skeleton . Then she wheeled it to the elevator and went up to Jerry 's room with Micky and Mike behind her . " Okay , men , introduce me , " Lynn said . Mike and Micky shrugged and walked into the room . Mike walked over to Jerry , grabbed his shoulder , and shook him . " Yah - dah - dah - dah da - dah , yah - dah - dah - dah da - dah , yah - dah - dah - dah - dah da - dahh - aahhh ! " Lynn sang , tap dancing into the room . " Hello , ladies and germs ! " " I think he snapped when she started doin ' Heartbreak Hotel , " Mike said . Then he sighed . " I don 't know what else to do with him . " A few days went by . Jerry grew worse by the hour . All he did was sleep . Mike staid with him night and day . Davy came into the room one day . Mike sighed and left the room . Davy clicked his tongue against his teeth , and looked at Jerry . He looked completely miserable , worse than at the studio . Davy dipped a cloth in a bucket of ice water that was laying on the floor and laid it across Jerry 's forehead , in an attempt to try and bring the fever down . " I know I wouldn 't say this to you normally , Jerry , " he said . " But you 've got to snap out of it . There ah plenty of othah girls in town . Maybe I can fix you up with one of me old girlfriends . " " Can you ' ear me ? " he asked . " If you can , let me know . ' Ow about it ? Want me to fix you up with one of me old girlfriends ? Give me a sign . " " Hmm . He 'd better start improvin ' soon . I talked to Dr . Brackett while I was gettin ' some coffee . He said if Jerry doesn 't snap out of this soon , he may just . . . . " Davy sighed and left the hospital . Another week went by . Jerry 's fever kept increasing , despite the efforts to bring it down . Friday rolled around . It was the night of Carson High School 's prom . Dr . Brackett was checking Jerry 's blood pressure when Mike walked into the room , wearing a black tuxedo . Not only was he part of the entertainment , he was also chaperoning . " This is not gonna be much fun , doc . I mean , as far as I know , Linda Stanley 's goin ' , and she 's gonna be a mess if we play the wrong thing . Plus I 'll be worryin ' about Jerry all night . " " Well , don 't . I 'll call you at the school if there are any changes . Besides , you don 't seem like the ' all dressed up and no place to go ' type . " Mike laughed and agreed . He drove over to the school . Davy , Micky , and Peter were already there , as were Camille , Sarah , and Phyllis . The Monkees were waiting for Mike to show up so they could launch into their theme song . Mike nodded , and the Monkees picked up their instruments and launched into " Hey , Hey We 're the Monkees " followed by " Last Train to Clarksville . " They decided to skip " I 'm A Believer . " After a few more songs by the Monkees , they took a break and Elusive Butterfly performed a few of those old classic Girl Group songs . Mike walked around the gym , watching all the kids dance with their dates . Fluey saw him , and ran over . " Mike , I 'm glad I found you , " he said . " The pay phone outside was ringing before we came in , and I picked it up . Dr . Brackett 's on the other end , he wants to talk to you . I think it 's about Jerry . " " Oh , thanks , " Mike said , and he ran out of the gym . Linda , who was hanging out in a corner of the room saw him , and followed him . Del saw her go , and followed . " No . No , he didn 't . He 's just taken a turn for the worse . His temperature 's gone up , his blood pressure 's very low , and his pulse is very weak . " " You know what , doc ? I 've had it . I 've had it , I 'm sick of this . I 'm bringin ' Linda over there , and I don 't care what Captain Stanley 's gonna do . This is just ridiculous ! " " Am I glad to see you , Linda , " Mike said . He took her hand . " You and I have to get to Rampart now . This your date ? " " Del , I need you to do me a favor , " Mike said . " Go inside , tell Phyllis or anybody up there on the bandstand that Linda and I went to Rampart General Hospital , and they should improvise without me , and tell the girls they can do anythin ' by the Shangri - Las while we 're gone . Explain to them that it 's an emergency . " Jerry opened his eyes , slightly . He could barely make out anything . His vision was incredibly fuzzy . It cleared after awhile , and he saw Mike standing over him , and then he made out Linda . He smiled . Jerry reached his hand up , and ran his fingers through Linda 's hair . Mike smiled and left the room , figuring the two of them wanted to be alone . Dr . Brackett looked at him . Dr . Brackett nodded . The two of them watched the action going on in the room , but not stepping in . It would spoil the moment . There was no talking . Jerry and Linda just stared into each other 's eyes , adoringly . Linda stroked Jerry 's hair , although it was drenched with sweat . Jerry brushed Linda 's cheek with his finger , smiling . " I would . I would wait forever for you . You 're my dream girl . You 're the girl I 've been waiting my whole life for . " Linda wrapped her arms around Jerry , and squeezed . Jerry smiled , and kissed her cheek . Nothing could ruin that moment . Well , except for one thing . " All right , you twits , move out of the way , I 'm going in there ! " Hank shouted . Mike and Dr . Brackett blocked the door . " I went down to the school to talk to Linda , " Hank said . " When she wasn 't there , Micky told me that Mike took her to Rampart to see Jerry , and here I am . Now stand aside ! Those two are not supposed to have contact ! " Mike showed Hank the scene inside . It was true , Linda and Jerry looked very happy together . They looked as if they were made to hold hands and stare into each others eyes . They looked in love . Hank looked and finally realized it . He finally realized his daughter had fallen in love . " That 's what we 're trying to say , Hank , " Dr . Brackett said . " Jerry has been even more miserable than Linda . You drove them away from each other . " " I never meant to make Linda so miserable , " Hank said . " I was just trying to be a good father . All any father wants is his children to be happy . And . . . . . she 's happy with Jerry , isn 't she ? " " There 's no need to explain , princess , " Hank said . " As much as I hate to admit it , I 've been wrong . I 've been wrong about this whole bloody thing . I wanted to do what I thought was best for you , and I never took into consideration to what would make you happy . I saw just now , that you and Jerry belong together . I just felt like I was losing you too fast . " " I know , " Hank said . " It seems like just yesterday she ran to me , holding a copy of Cinderella in her hand , asking me to read it to her . It makes me wonder where the time goes . I 've got to face the fact that she 's not a little girl anymore . Jerry , you 're a lucky man , you know . You 've got yourself a wonderful girl . " " You 're not a little girl anymore , Linda , " Hank said . " But I want you to remember that you 'll always be my little girl , no matter how old you get . And I 'll always love you no matter what you do . " " Well , while we 're in here , Jerry , let 's check your temperature , " Dr . Brackett said . He took the thermometer , stuck it in Jerry 's ear , and pushed the button . Five seconds later , he took it out and looked at it . Then he smiled . " I guess so , " Jerry said . He stood up , and Linda ran to him . The two of them hugged each other . Mike then checked his watch . Mike , Linda , and Jerry left Rampart and drove directly to Carson High . Davy and Camille were just finishing up the awards ceremony . They had crowned the head cheerleader , Marcia Sheridan , Prom Queen , and the captain of the football team , Greg Peters , Prom King . The award of court jester went to Pete Friar . Smartest student went to Multi , Cutest went to Keith , Prettiest went to Shawn , and Most Level - Headed went to Laurie . Erin won most likely to become a singer . Two students no one knew won Cutest Couple , which was the last award . Davy and Camille saw Mike , Linda , and Jerry standing in the doorway . " ' Old it just a minute folks ! " Davy shouted . " We ' ave won more award left , and that goes to Linda Stanley , and Jerry Blavat . " " The award is Best Looking Couple , " Camille said . All the kids applauded them . Pete Friar stuck two fingers in his mouth and whistled . Marcia walked over to Linda and gave her the Prom Queen 's tiara . Linda smiled and took Jerry 's hand . The two of them took a couple of bows . Micky put a cassette tape into the tape deck and pushed the play button . An instrumental version of " Hold Me , Thrill Me , Kiss Me " came out of it . Linda and Jerry laughed and started to dance . Multi offered Shawna his arm , and the two of them walked out to the dance floor . Erin and Keith swayed back and forth . Once the instrumental version was finished , the intro to the vocal version started . Davy took the microphone and started to sing . Jerry and Linda smiled at each other , and walked hand in hand onto the dance floor and slow danced . They held each other tight and swayed back and forth . They knew , somehow or another , that everything was the way it should be . |
Leave a Comment » This blog is a compilation of my journal I kept while on the fantastic trip , as well as a few sample photos and videos I took while there . I edited the dates I actually added it to the blog so that they would be in this specific order , click on " older posts " at the bottom to continue on to the later days . Click on the pictures to see a larger version . Leave a Comment » Not much to say about the transit . We got on a subway train , then a bus , then an airplane , then a car and finally arrived at the cabin . If only we could have thrown in a boat somehow … There isn 't much to comment on until we got to Ireland . Shannon airport felt almost deserted , which was fun for me . It is small , and a lot less busy then O ' Hare , Heathrow , or Gatwick . It was nice being small and unpopulated . I love the British accent , but I find the Irish one to be prettier , or maybe just more exotic . I got to speak with a couple people to get the money conversion worked out and find the car rental place . I picked up the car , with the little Garmin GPS unit and went outside . The single most difficult thing about driving in Ireland that I 've encountered so far is the stick shift in the car . Not only do I have to figure out how to do it with my left hand , which is new , but the format of where the individual gears are slightly different . So the whole unfamiliar car part turned out to be more difficult than using the left side of the road . Though I have pulled out to the wrong lane for a few seconds a couple times , thankfully not many people were around . Driving itself was very exhilarating . Especially getting a chance to see the countryside for the first time . I was a little stunned for a moment when Ireland actually looked like how you 'd imagine Ireland to look . I expected having to go and search for those little romantically idealized spots , but they were there right alongside the highway heading north from Shannon . The weather and sky themselves were amazing , which is always uncertain . We had huge beautiful clouds passing past and in front of the sun . A nice cool breeze sweeping over rolling hills scattered with trees and fields . There were stone walled pastures with sheep and horses grazing , also Ireland is indeed as green as it is reputed to be . After getting off the highway ( and our GPS abandoning us , believing that there was no road underneath us ) we got onto N66 and started heading through villages on a narrow road . It had traffic both ways , but was one lane each , and a small lane at that . There were stone walls and many stone houses and cottages along either side , and the road itself would bend this way and that all the while being reasonably bumpy . I gripped the steering wheel tight , and I tried to keep up in speed with the traffic in front of me . Most of the way we did 80 kmh . Which is 49 . 7 mph . Johnathon kept his window down and the fresh cool breeze coming in , which made the ride very enlivening , and kept me wide awake and sharp . We didn 't have an accurate address , only a " generally over here " address . I didn 't fully realize that until I tried to put it into the GPS and couldn 't , and then made it to a gas stop and asked for help . County Galway ( that part is simple ) , then Loughrea ( " Lock - Ray " ) is the main city near where we were headed , Kilchreest is the village that as even closer , and Ballymullen is the sort of rural neighborhood that the gas station guy didn 't know about . Like starting with a large circle and drawing smaller circles inside of it . I later found out that once you get to that point then the directions are " The stone cottage for rent along this road . " Inside on the first of two floors was a small restaurant with a bar . My first thought was that this place is like a tavern / inn from dungeons and dragons ! Cool ! There were no sword wearing vagabonds though . It was about 6 or 7 older men and women ( it was not a young crowd ) . The lady of the Inn got up from sitting at the table with the patrons and asked what I 'd like , while speaking with a thick accent . I was asking for help with directions , and to possibly use a phone . I had my paper with the " address " on it and the instructions . The Inn lady took a look as I tried to point out the address , but she apparently started reading the rest of it . On the paper I mention the cabin owner 's name that I was trying to reach . The innkeeper said " I know Olive , yeah she isn 't far down the road . " We tried calling her but that didn 't work . So the innkeeper gave me directions , " It 's about a mile down the road . " I asked her what it was in kilometers , because of the odometer was in km in the car . " About 1 . 7 km . You go right until you pass the school , then you go along a bend to the right , then there is a straight bit . " She turns to a patron , " Isn 't that right ? " More or less I found it , after some concern about going too far and it happening to be about 3 kilometers down the road I barely spotted it behind a stone wall and trees to my right . I couldn 't find where to drive into it as there was a fence in the way . So I managed a parking spot to the left and decided I would walk up there and she if I could find Olive . I found a driveway and a way in , while on foot , and went up to the door . Well , it was a door that said Falco Electronics beside it . The lights were out inside and no one came to the door . The whole area was a bit odd , there was 5 or 6 separate structures on the property , so I kept trying doors . No answer , so I went to the cottage that I recognized from the website . There was light inside but no one was in . I was running out of doors to try so I thought I might just see if the cottage was locked . We were late from when we were supposed to arrive , and maybe she left the area ( which might have just been shops and such , and their actual home might have been elsewhere ) , and maybe there was a note inside for me ? The door was unlocked but no note or anything . So I left and went around the oddly laid out grounds looking for someone . I found another door , close to the front but further off to the left . It had a doorbell and when I rang it a dog barked . Olive popped up a second later . She guided us in and although I had a glimpse of it before , it was still amazing . It is beautiful wood and stone interior , and wonderfully decorated . It 's probably bigger than my apartment altogether . Wooden floors , leather seats , a nice hardy dining table with plenty of chairs . Stone walls , stove and burners , coffee maker , fridge set behind a wooden cupboard , bedroom with twin beds , mirror , cabinets , bedroom with queen sized bed , little funny fake candle on a fake book that flickers like a flame , shower , tv , towels , fireplace . In the next little structure beside ours is a washer / dryer , freezer , dishwasher , bigger shower , miniature sauna . Other then the great accommodations of this place , there is also some little touches she added . There was a fire already going in the fireplace , there is milk , bread , butter , eggs , sausage , and bacon already purchased for us . Coffee , tea , soap , movie DVDs , stereo with CDs , utensils , pots & pans , paper towels , dishwashing soap , cooking oil , and the crown jewel … Wi - Fi . Also there is a walking path right up the little hill beside us ( they called it a mountain , but being from the Rocky Mountains in the U . S . I found it hard to give it that distinction ) , where we can see ruins of a castle , horses on the grounds . They said we could ride one of the horses . His name is Sam , he is an Irish Draft , and they figure that letting us ride him will help give him exercise so they said we could ride him for free ! It was called Supervalu . We had 5 minutes before it closed , but we didn 't know that ahead of time . We ended up only having time to pick up some apples and an apple pie . The apple pie is good , it tastes different , not sure how to describe it , just subtlety different bread and pie filling . That was about it for us , we headed back to the cottage . Listened to some music from a CD ( Bryan Adams I think ) and soon went to bed . I took the smaller twin bed in the ground floor bedroom , while Johnathon took the queen sized bed in the top bedroom . Plan is to switch off half way through our stay . Tomorrow is the cliffs ! Leave a Comment » We fiddled with the washing machine this morning . I think we might have it figured out now … somewhat . Tried to get Mike and & Olive 's help but they were uncertain too and not very successful finding the user manual online . Later in the day when we returned for the day I spent some time online and found out how it works . I even wrote down the more useful directions and left it on the washing machine for the next guests who come . Olive thanked me for that . We decided to do the cliffs today . That was a whole day thing and would give us extra time to finish doing laundry and the like later , since we were running on limited cloths and didn 't wash anything while in London . We got some directions and an old map from Mike so armed with directions , map and GPS we eventually got to the cliffs . I did end up stopping and asking for directions twice , but both times were a pleasant experience . The people I 've encountered here seem to be happy being helpful . The drive was again interesting , it was beautiful and intense . The roads have speed limits that often are well beyond the safe speed to drive . I don 't think they expect you to go the speed limit unless you 're suicidal , it 's not like the speed limits in the U . S . who expect you to be able to keep control of your vehicle if you 're going up to the speed limit . The roads seem to have no obligation to be straight . I think they are just paved over old horse paths from hundreds of years ago . It 's one of the reasons the countryside is so stunning , but it takes a crazy amount of concentration . Yet , we managed the narrow racetrack like roads and got to the visiting center of the Cliffs of Moher ( they seem to pronounce it " More - er " ) . It was plenty windy even before you climb up to the edge , and at times and in certain spots the wind becomes all encompassing . Other than the view it seemed like the wind was the other main attraction of the place . As for the view , the view is spectacular ! It was a very stormy day ( mostly wind ) and the surf below at the bottoms of the cliff created an " Amazing ! " swath of whiteness at the base to the towering cliffs . I can see why they picked this location along the cliffs for the visitor center . Gazing out to the right is an old little watchtower that I 'm not sure what its original purpose was for , and to the left is several jutting protrusions of the cliffs , making it clear to see their majesty . If you squint , you can see birds nest on the cliff face and fly around above the surf . We climbed up the stairway both to the left and right , wishing we were allowed to travel further along the cliffs , but happy still the same . The watchtower was particularly interesting in that it had a very clear and distinctly strong area of wind alongside it . We spent a majority of our time there , taking a handful of videos . We of course took many pictures of the area as well . Rain would come and go in spurts , and by the end of our stay we were feeling very chilled and numb . Johnathon loved this place more than any other so far . It 's the most excited and joyful I 've seen him . It is a very humbling and glorious place . I am so glad to have seen it . The food was excellent . I got roast stuffed chicken while Johnathon got potato cakes & smoked salmon . I got a big clump of cooked cabbage with mine , and some carrots . I was really surprised that I enjoyed the cabbage , I usually don 't but it was cooked marvelously . The Chicken was great as well . The chicken had stove top stuffing in it and was sitting in some brown gravy alongside a couple scoops of mashed potato . Olive and her family came in while we were there , getting their own dinner . I got to chat with them and catch up a bit . We told them about our experiences with the cliffs . They are a friendly family , I am quite fond of Olive and Mike . Interestingly , the news was playing on a TV in the corner , and it was showing off Obama 's visit to Ireland . I found the whole thing kind of neat as I didn 't know about his plans to come to Ireland . Apparently Dublin shut down ( words that Mary the innkeeper used ) and said their city was full and had no more room for people to come into it because of his visit . I am REALLY glad it didn 't land on the date that we are going into Dublin . From everything I could tell , Obama 's visit went over very well with the Irish people . Johnathon hasn 't jumped in on much of the talking , but I 've been enjoying my exchanges with the people here . I 'm finding out interesting things like " half 4 " seems to mean 4 : 30 . I 've been called " child " a couple of times but they have been in very positive and friendly ways . Just imagine it flowing naturally at the end of an accented phrase . It seems like the waiters and waitresses typically bring the food out to the table , glasses along with a pitcher of water that stays on the table and then they leave you alone . You get up when you are ready to pay , and Mary ( the innkeeper ) refused to let me give her a tip . After speaking with Olive , she said at the end of our week if I wanted to give Mary a tip , then we could . After dinner we went to the grocery store , and had a lot more time to browse around this time . We got an odd assortment of things , stuff like steak , bread , ice cream sandwiches . We got some orange flavored honey along with some pre - cooked and packaged " American Style Pancakes " . We got to the castle car park and went in with the groups of tourists arriving mostly by bus . Weather was again fantastic . Less windy and more sunshine but it didn 't get too hot . You cross a nice little bridge at the beginning . The stream has a wishing well worth of coins scattered along the stream bed next to the bridge . I 'm afraid a security guard carrying a bag of coins must have been hit by a cannon ball there . Or people had the collective urge to decorate the stream bed with their spare coins in exchange for luck , I 'm not sure , but I think it was the cannon ball scenario . You get little glimpses of the small castle over the treetops , but once you are on the castle grounds you have the option of going straight ( which looks to take you to the castle ) and going left . There were less people to the left , so that 's the way we went . It goes past a cut grass lawn and then splits again , offering you another chance to go toward the castle or to keep going away from it , we opted to go away from it . We came across a little clump of tall trees spaced a comfortable distance away from each other . There was very little ground vegetation amongst the carpet of dead pine needles . I really enjoyed the area . It brought back memories of childhood fascination with medieval forests , magic and sword fighting . During that time of my life I played Dungeons and Dragons as much as I could , and absorbed as much medieval stories and movies as I could . This little clump of trees fit my inner imagined forest , where I would often play out in my mind the encounters and scenarios that came about while playing D & D . I of course took pictures and some videos as well . I even got a bit goofy , having Johnathon take pictures of me holding a mossy stick out like a sword . After that heartwarming spot we continued further away from the castle . Until there was an end to the trees , or some sort of barrier , we were going to continue on . There was a bend in the path that was the castle 's last attempt at leading people back towards it , but we found another path further on the way we were going . We almost didn 't , but there was a path just big enough to catch our eye . The ground vegetation was much thicker , and a stream was audibly somewhere to our right . We passed what appeared to be old broken garbage from some sort of campground . I don 't know what was there before , there was a lot of broken white plastic piping . After that was a pathway from the field to our right and to our left , it had fencing and seemed to be meant for cows to be herded from one field to the next . ( I even took pictures of the cows . ) What lay beyond was a third and different wooded section . The trees were close together and in rows , but they appeared mostly dead . Through the middle of them was a path , and we couldn 't see the end of this darkly lit path of dead trees . The ground was even more greatly carpeted with pine needles . It was soft and spongy because of it . It was exciting to continue on , we hadn 't seen anyone else for a while , and we had to know where this dark path led . Finally we got to the end of the path . At the end the trees changed type , and there was a fence blocking us from going further . Also at the end was about five trees all leaning and exposing dark crevices of dirt under their base . Satisfied with reaching the end and pleased with the expedition , we turned back . There was a stair passageway through stone . You were supposed to walk backwards down the steps with your eyes closed , and this act would grant you a wish . We were coming from the wrong direction though , and it took us a while before we could climb up , which was the only pathway to get to the castle from where we were . At first when I saw this I just thought the girls I saw doing this were super scared of going down the steps and cling to the railing with their eyes closed . As for going down backward , I thought perhaps they felt more secure that way . We passed some more interesting rock formations and finally got to the castle . Blarney Castle didn 't expand out like I thought all castles did . Mostly it was one fat stone tower , or at least that was mainly the only thing that had survived . At this point , at the top , I had separated from Johnathon . We were checking out rooms and climbing higher and checking out more rooms . More people started catching up to us and it was getting crowded to see the rooms . There was another way to go but we had just finished checking out a room and were one floor from the top . I told Johnathon I was going up , hoping he would follow behind . I got up and didn 't see him following me . I sat off to the side to let the line go by , but I never saw his brimmed hat peek up from below . I was planning on kissing the blarney stone with him taking a picture of me . And you can 't be holding any bags , have on glasses , or have loose things in your pocket . The ground was uneven and there were holes for things to fall all the way down . Along with the impatient men and no good place to put my things without my brother I decided to pass the stone kissing . It was an intimidating height and you have to lay down , and slide head first down this hole while holding these bars and awkwardly kiss a bit of the wall . They weren 't cleaning the stone either , which probably doesn 't matter much but the whole combination of things dissuaded me . But it doesn 't bother me that much . I 'm not very superstitious and I don 't think kissing the stone does anything , I just wanted to be able to say I did it . Kind of like how everyone goes to see the changing of the guard ? Oh well , maybe I can kiss a random stone in Illinois and try to start a trend . So I went down and waited for my brother . I was worried for a bit because I thought he left the castle before I did , going a different way out . He had mentioned he didn 't want to kiss the stone , but I couldn 't find him . I waited , and eventually he came out of the castle . He said he looked at some more of the rooms on the second to top floor then tons of people started crowded around and it took forever before he could go up and come back down and out of the castle . Basically he was besieged and couldn 't make his escape until later . It was called Badger cave , I saw briefly on the plaque before walking by and into the cave . It was fenced , but the gate wasn 't closed . Me and Johnathon went in and had to crouch and walk amongst muddy rocks and puddles of water . I was surprised they let people in there . No one else was there , no one else seemed interested in going in . It was about 60 feet deep and cramped . I couldn 't really take a picture because I had to use my hands to navigate around and they got really muddy right away . It was cool . Me and Johnathon had found another place nestled away from everyone else , it was a fun little detour . We walked around Blarney town a little bit and went to a café . The food wasn 't as splendid there as it was at the Village Inn . I still enjoyed it though . I had vegetable soup , and Johnathon had a scone with butter and jam , and a hot cocoa . We drove back to the cottage . We had thought perhaps to go driving around The Ring of Kerry , but it took two and a half hours just to drive one way to Blarney . I didn 't really want to spend 5 or more extra hours on the drive back to the cottage to drive along a scenic road that borders a county . The Ring of Kerry is supposed to be a beautiful area , it is highly recommended from several people I 've talked to already , but it doesn 't look like it is going to happen . We spent equivalently $ 60 on gas putting in three quarters of a tank . Gas is crazy expensive here . One and a half Euros for one liter . The conversion from dollar to Euros ( at the currency exchange at the airport ) is 1 . 6 , so $ 1 . 60 gets you 1 Euro . And there is approximately 4 liters in a gallon . That comes out to being $ 9 . 60 per gallon for gas . Wow ! So , a whole bunch of extra driving when already every dang place we 've driven here is gorgeous just doesn 't seem worth it . The mountains around here are not very tall . The beautiful countryside is that of rolling hills . So climbing to the top of the mountain turns out to involve a long walk up a very subtle sloop . Which turns out to take forever to get to the top . Me and Johnathon practiced our Irish accent and had a lot of fun conversation while walking up the mountain . We got to the point that we started leaving the trees behind , and the landscape was this fluffy yet rocky grassland the higher we went . We saw some bones up along the way , also some sheep . They were roaming around the path / road and stopped to stare at us as we passed . So I took pictures of them , and made sure to get one of the all black sheep . We continued on . It took a long time . An old abandoned tractor was up there and even a car went past us going slowly across the amazingly bumpy road . We got to the top but it was so flat that it didn 't off that great of a view . We went a little further down the other side but we could not find these ruins of a castle that Mike and Olive had talked about . It was getting late and took us an hour and half to get up , so we decided to start heading back . On the way down we joked and tried running now and again to see how fast we could go . I yelled as loud as I could but couldn 't get my brother to give it a try . Not far from the top we noticed some horses ahead . They were using the road to come up the mountain . I pulled out my camera and started taking pictures and videos of them . They came surprisingly close to us . They seemed to be just wandering around . It was exhilarating encountering horses in the wild and being so close to them . That could just be that I am more of a city person , and the experience was fairly novel to me ( and Johnathon ) . We started walking down the mountain and the four horses began following us . It was intimidating and enjoyable . We thought best to just keep on walking and after a ways they stopped and just watched us go . Galway is certainly the biggest city we 've seen in Ireland so far . It was hard getting an idea of its dimensions though with as many trees and curved streets that it had . The main downtown area didn 't seem all that big however . We had the notion of going and joining a walking tour in Galway which would have lasted about an hour but we were a little late getting there and even when we had given up because we knew we were late , we still couldn 't find the tour company . This was one of the rainy times so far here in Ireland for us . We tried to get shelter here and there as the rain would come and recede and back again . We saw Corrib river , I took a few pictures with my phone as I did not want to bring out my camera bag in the rain . Then me and Johnathon noticed a group of people huddled around a man talking . It looks like we found the tour group . I had the slightly mischievous thought of trying to sneak and hide in the group , but I thought it would have been too rude . So we only sort of followed them to get an idea where they were going . It helped us find the more interesting places to be walking along . We went into a place called the Cheesemongers . I had never heard of the word mongers being applied to cheese before . It looked to be a nice cheese shop , but we had mainly come in to use - or ask where we could use - a restroom . They had one upstairs . I went and up top was a winebar . But it was closed at the time , and there was no one up there . After I finished I came out and wanted to take pictures of a quaint , closely confined shop , but then a staff member came up at that time . She asked if I was alright , but not in a very friendly way . I think I was weirding her out by taking pictures . I stopped and left , embarrassed , but not before buying a chocolate bar to try and ease my guilt of using their restroom . We walked for a bit longer , checking out the shops and periodically getting drizzled on . We were about to leave Galway , as nothing of great interest seemed to be grabbing our attentions , but then we wandered into a sort of hidden mall . Inside was a heraldry shop , and as a gift I bought a nice parchment of heraldry for the last name of my friend that originally drove us to the airport in Illinois . Johnathon also purchased one of our last name , which was interesting to read . I 'd like to check the sources of the information , but it looks like solid information . I saw a Burger King in the mall , I checked out the menu , and noted that the cheapest meal deal they had was & euros . Seemed kind of expensive to me . I will mention here that I still haven 't had a burger yet on this whole trip . I 've been doing my best to avoid the U . S . chain stores , because of course they are everywhere . Before leaving Galway we decided to look at this small and funny closed carnival ride area . They had their gates open but were obviously not up for business . A group of five kids went inside and I saw one or two workers inside with vests . I couldn 't figure out what was going on , but I had swung by the car at this point and the rain was less , so I took pictures and videos . The city was constructed oddly . Right after the carnival section was an old graveyard we got to wander around inside , and then was a docking yard right next to the widening Corrib River . Carnival , graveyard , docking yard . It was an odd aesthetic . We hung around the cabin enjoying the accommodations until we went out for dinner at the Village Inn . After dinner was an Irish dancing thing that we didn 't really know much about . It turned out to be a girl teaching Sean - nos dancing to a group of locals . Sean - nos is a type of traditional Irish dance . I 'll note here that my overall experience in Ireland is that it is full of old people . I don 't quite understand it . It 's like they ship away their young people until they are of a right and proper age of 50 + and then ship them back . The ratio between the young and old seems to be quite different in Ireland than it feels in other places I 've been . Even Florida . Sean - nos dancing was really interesting to learn about . We didn 't partake of the dance lessons though . I have a hard enough time ever getting myself to dance ( though I was quite tempted ) but Johnathon definitely wasn 't going to and then we would have been the one and only person sitting off to the side . Sean - nos is more of a freestyle dance than the other Irish dance types . It specifically isn 't choreographed , and apparently developed when music and even instruments was outlawed in Ireland by Queen Elizabeth the first . The queen felt that Celtic music reminded the Irish too much of their pre - occupation period and stirred up the emotions for rebellious behavior . Musicians would be arrested on site and hung . The oppression of Irish culture lasted for over a hundred years . The people of the time were afraid of losing the timing and beat of the music since they weren 't allowed to play the instruments and pass them down to younger generations . But a style of dance called Sean - nos came about to imitate the music . Basically you are playing a song with your feet , and it is lovely to watch a live and skilled dancer go at it . It really was a treat . Leave a Comment » Bunratty Castle is Ireland 's most complete and authentic medieval fortress according to their heritage site . The folk park is a reconstruction of homes and environment of Ireland over a century ago . They light a fire in the fireplaces and let people wander around . At some point they are supposed to have performers inside doing traditional chores and activities but during the time we were there , there were no performers . We went early so we could avoid the masses that come later according to reviews . I think that was a better choice , and allowed us to hit another tourist spot later in the day . The castle was pretty cool . They had a lot of the rooms labeled and appropriately furnished and decorated . Many of the side rooms and bedrooms were barred off , but you could still see everything inside . The great hall was great for the imagination . There was the added suspense of having a large horde of barbarian children grouped together behind us . We tried to stay one or two sections ahead of them , and were fortunately given lots of time as they were valiantly delayed by the guards of the castle ( tour guides assembling the kids into one room after the other and talking to them for awhile about the history ) . Yet a couple times we could hear their excited war - cry not far behind us and we knew we had to get moving . After the castle we walked around the folk park . By the end of it I was tired of breathing in the air from the smoky little buildings . The folk park was a bit bigger than I had original presumed and it had nice little walkways and bridges . Various animals were around . Cows , horses , pigs , roosters , sheep , deer . They had a little church with an audio track of churchly music . It was a pleasant wandering around . We left Bunratty and checked out a " Woolen Mills " ( these stores are all over the place here . They have a lot of crafts , clothing , house wares , ect … ) but there wasn 't anything of interest to us . Oddly there was one random human statue guy hanging around outside . Cashel means " fort on a hill " but it is also the name of the town that The Rock of Cashel is in . The location for The Rock of Cashel is the site that a cashel use to be but is no longer , and instead there is a big ruined cathedral up there called The Rock ( Or St . Patrick 's Rock ) . A " fort on a hill " is apparently not a castle either , according to them . While The Rock is in Cashel , it is not a castle , and it 's not a cashel , nor has there ever been a castle in Cashel , but there was once a cashel . You follow me ? The building itself is great to look at , but just the location deserves an equal amount of attention . It was beautiful gazing at the countryside from up there . It was very windy , so me and Johnathon enjoyed that a great deal , and the graveyard up there is one of the prettier ones you could find . After walking around a bit we went on the short guided tour of The Rock and learned some of it 's interesting history . Other tidbits like the murders and massacres that went on up there , and how it is fabled that a chunk of mountain 20 miles north was bitten into ( ' cause it looks like a chunk of that mountain is missing ) by the devil as he flew across the land and then spat out the stone on the location of The Rock . Also that St . Patrick 's cross can be hopped around backwards with one foot 9 ( ? ) times , and if you do that you will be engaged to be married within a year . The ruins of the abbey were great . They were a playground of stone , I climbed up on the walls and sat for awhile just taking it in . The surrounding field was very serene , especially with the sun and weather we were having . It was drizzly and sunny at the same time , but very beautiful sky . But I did not enjoy the abbey nearly as much as Johnathon did . There were very few people around and Johnathon was all over the place . Literally smiling , climbing and running all over the place . I played around with a couple goofy videos I made there and we hung out for as long as we could before our parking meter was up . So far , I think that might have been the highest point of the journey for Johnathon . It was great to see him so lively and happy . Not much to say after that . Oh , before we saw The Rock or the abbey we ate lunch in Cashel . I forgot the name of the place but the food was excellent . I had a meat and pasta dish that was called something I had never heard of before . And then for desert we had something else that I had never heard of before that was equally as good . It was a strawberry , strawberry sherbet , and some sort of tasty spongy meringue . That probably isn 't as helpful without the names of the dishes , oh well . It was practically empty while we were there . Sam is a big horse . He is an Irish Draft , and has a vibrant golden brown coat of fur . Mike had an employee ride him around for a little bit to use up some of Sam 's initial energy , in hopes of making him less likely to be wild with me and my brother . Sam is a beautiful horse and was a good sport about the whole thing . I got outfitted with a helmet , leg guards and a vest ( to protect my ribs in case I am thrown against a fence or something ) . Johnathon took a picture of my dorky self and then I jumped up on Sam . I did not feel like I was in control . I just tried not to upset the horse , and gently attempted to steer him as Mike had instructed . We had a nice sand arena to go around . I didn 't want to ride the horse to travel anywhere . I just wanted the experience of being on a horse , basically . I had been on a horse a while back , but it has been over 5 years and I don 't remember it too well . I think I was recovering from mono at that time of that ride . Sam attempted to start a trot for a second , but I freaked out , not feeling like I would be able to hang on and I pulled the reins to slow him down . I went around a few times and felt good about the experience . Johnathon got outfitted next and up on the horse . Things seemed to go smoothly for him too , though neither of us were able to steer Sam very well . Me and Johnathon weren 't sure of what to do afterward . We had planned to go looking for the ruins of a castle that we believed was up the mountain nearby , but found out it wasn 't up there . Mike and Olive said " You can see the ruins of the castle up on the mountain . " But that didn 't mean the ruins were up there , only that we could see them FROM up there . The ruins of the castle was in the valley below , with the implication that it was not accessible . So me and my brother needed to come up with a new plan . I wasn 't too enamored with the idea of doing a lot more driving , but there wasn 't anything to do unless we drove to it . Especially with the cost of gas so high ( equivalently $ 9 . 60 per gallon ) , I was hesitant to do any extra driving . In the end though , I couldn 't think of anything to do locally after my brother shot down the idea of the both of us trying to get drunk . So , we decided to take Mike 's suggestion and drive to see the Connemara Mountains . Along the way , a little ways past Galway , we saw a sign that pointed off the main road and said Aughnanure Castle , so we went there . It had started raining a bit more since we had ridden the horse , but it would come and go . Just about all the landscape of Ireland is lovely , and doubly so when they try to make it lovely . The grounds around the castle were very nice , but not extensive like Blarney Castle 's were . It was only one Euro per person to get in but we had to go back to the car to find a two Euro coin . I was all out of cash and needed to swing by another ATM . We got in though and looked at the simple and few remaining ruins of the castle . I am still interested by the history of these places . Always trying to imagine the original setting . That place was just as interesting to think about as the others . The drizzling rain was annoying and hard to avoid . So I had a hard time taking pictures , but still managed to get some . When we left I was still not done with the rain however , oh no . We drove further west , toward the Connemara Mountains . It was pretty rainy and there wasn 't much visibility . It was starting to not be worth it for me . The time and effort of driving with little to show for it , not to mention the gas money . We stopped to eat the lunch we brought , bananas and bread with honey . I mischievously rolled down Johnathon 's passenger window when he was looking out , mischievous because the wind and rain was blowing pretty strong right into his window . Gave him a wet surprise . Haha . We continued on and while there was a few nice lakes we could see , but it wasn 't all that special . So I stopped . I was upset with the excess driving and the seeming pointlessness of it . The plan was that I 'd be driving for 6 hours tomorrow going to the Burren Forest , and at least 3 hours the day after that . We were supposed to have at least one day of not driving and using up the expensive gas . I just didn 't think it was worth it seeing the low hanging rain clouds anymore . Johnathon was trying to encourage me , saying he was enjoying the landscape even with the limited visibility and that he would like a better chance to see the mountains . I had trouble deciding , but according to the map it wasn 't much further until we were supposed to be right next to the main section of the mountains . We had driven this far , it would be silly to go back at this point . So I grumpily continued on , hoping there would be something to make it worth it . It did become more mountainous , even if we couldn 't see very much of it . It wasn 't much , but I decided to turn down a side road that seemed to go directly into the mountainous part . It was a very thin and bumpy road that we 'd have to figure out a way to back up and find a spot off to the side if a car came at us . One car did come the other direction but luck had it that there was a side spot for them to allow us to pass . We kept going , and as we got deeper it became more intriguing . The misty mountain side became very quiet , with the occasional sound of sheep . We crossed a scary small stone bridge and had an open space to turn around if we needed . We parked there . We had just come up to the edge of a little forest section . I guess it could have been a very big forest section , I 'm not sure . We got out and it was still drizzling , but I eventually decided to pull out my camera and risk trying to take pictures anyway . I love my camera , the Canon Rebel T2i , and the Tamron 18 - 200mm lens ( it was the cheapest lens I could get with that convenient of a focal range ) . They 've both taken abuse from banging around and various degrees of moisture . I 've tried to be kind to them , but with as much use as I 've gotten from them , they are bound to wear . They still look great and operate flawlessly ( although the autofocus on the Tamron isn 't the greatest ) , and the lens doesn 't seem to be scratching despite how often I 've wiped at the lens to remove water droplets and smudges . The area was very atmospheric . It created a … lost feeling . Being on a path that is barely a road in the middle of the mountains , with very little sound except for the grinding of gravel from your car tires to bounce and muffle against the foggy mist . Just knowing we were hidden away in a random spot in a foreign country . I enjoyed the feeling . We parked and began to explore on foot up a diverging road that went into the forest . The road was about 4 feet deep ( lower in elevation ) in comparison to the ground and trees at either side of us , so we went on the road for a while and tried to find an easier way to get up into the trees . We found one and came up to a stream . The same stream that went under the bridge that we passed over with the car . Since we knew where it flowed downward , we followed it upstream . The forest was pretty thick with trees , and the ground was simply odd . It had little mounds , made out of mostly vegetation I would wager , and were very soft but lumpy and spaced every few feet . There would be random rocks hidden under the soft lumpy ground that loved to surprise your ankles . It was hard to walk through and very wet . It was still this blowing drizzling mist , but being in the trees we no longer had to worry about the smaller droplets . Instead we would get less frequent but bigger droplets , and when a gust of wind would come by it would be worse than being out in the open . It was very beautiful . I 'm thrilled that I keep seeing these new type of landscapes I had never quite seen before . It was like a moist and lumpy enchanted forest . We left the stream and went through the darker areas . We came out to this brighter area . It was still thick with trees , but there was this double line of baby trees that hadn 't grown too high , like a pathway had at one point been cut through years ago . We were attempting to swing back around where we thought the road would be , but were not having luck . At this point getting lost seemed a possibility so we decided to spend the time to go back to the stream and follow it down back to where we started . We got back . We were very wet . I hope my camera innards are holding up . My feet were completely soaked after lumbering through the soft ankle twisting forest . My cotton jacket was really wet too , but not yet soaking . I did enjoy my experience up there , and I am happy to see my brother really liked it too . It was still a lot of expense to get there , and I know it would have been mostly disappointing to head back when I was thinking about it . I 'm glad that I turned off on the road I did . I 'm glad the rain didn 't stop us from enjoying the landscape . |
Mother in Israel posted about nursing and formula and I just couldn 't keep my mouth shut about the topic . Here is my wonderful experience : I gave birth to my son in N . Y . I was a new mother and didn 't really have any friends who had just had kids . I got married young and way before all of my friends . I come from a family of two kids as does my hubby so our mothers didn 't really have any practical and up to date advice to give . I knew that I wanted to nurse but although I read lots of stuff about it , I didn 't really know what it entailed . I had a tremendously traumatic birth and recovery . Let 's not get into that . My son wasn 't even in my room with me . He was in the N . I . C . U . because he was breathing too quickly . I never got to hold him in the delivery room . I had to go to the N . I . C . U . every time I wanted to nurse . Never mind that I couldn 't walk , it was far . I had to have someone wheel me in a wheelchair in order to nurse . In the hospital the lactation consultant came and gave me some good advice . She was very experienced and to this day I remember some of the things she told me . After I left the hospital my son stayed in the N . I . C . U . until he was 10 days old . I was pumping at home and every day we 'd go to the hospital and place the milk in the fridge . I noticed that many times they weren 't even looking for my milk because it was clearly labelled and nobody touched it . They automatically gave him the formula . I got really upset at the nurses every time it happened . I had a really hard time trying to get my son to latch on . I tried very hard but in the end , the only thing that worked was to put a bottle nipple over my own nipple and to nurse that way . He had gotten so used to the bottles in the hospital that he didn 't want to nurse from me . I was very upset about this . When we went home I decided that I couldn 't continue like that . It was just too painful . I tried without the bottle nipple . We were really stubborn and both my mother and mother in law helped me and gave me the moral support that I needed . It took two moPosted by I couldn 't think the title of the post is more true . Today , after reading a bunch of blogs , I 've come to a conclusion . The nature of posts and comments by males are completely different than those of women . Women want to share things that have happened . They sometimes post thought - provoking information that causes a discussion . They sometimes want empathy for something that happened . They seek support and want to be validated . Men on the other hand have a different nature . They post about more political topics . They are more into competition and being better than the other . Many times men will make sexual references . They many times include either halacha or parsha / Torah thoughts . I find that women discuss ideas while men are more practical . Sometimes men will report stories in the news that they want to comment on . They give their take on the world around them . Women discuss ideas , problems in society , ways to make the world better etc . This is my way of venting about a comment that a male made on something I wrote . I found the comment to be completely insensitive . Then I took a step back and said , " Wait , he 's a man and I 'm a woman . " Here lies the reason that he wouldn 't think twice before saying what he said , while I saw nothing wrong with what I said . I was just giving my take on things . He totally rejected my take . I was seeking to be validated and he just wanted to say that I 'm wrong . Well Mr . Man , maybe you shouldn 't be reading women 's blogs if you can 't handle the right way to comment . Next time be more sensitive ! ( Sorry , I 'm not in a thick - skinned mood today ) . Rafi at Life in Israel posted a nice video . I suggest you watch it before you read this . I was in Israel studying during those two terrorist attacks . I had been at Sbarros two weeks to the day before the terrorist attack . I tried not to frequent there but it just happened to be that I was there . I had seen my father 's good friend and we stopped to talk . A week later I went back to NY . One week later , when I found out about the attack I was shocked . I was so thankful to have not been there just at that time . While I was in NY I started dating . At the end of the summer , my now husband had decided to take me to the World Trade Center . We didn 't go up to the top . We stayed downstairs and sat at some nice tables that overlooked the water . At the end of that week I had gone back to Israel . I was in my room in the afternoon when I found out about the WTC . I couldn 't believe it . I was in shock . We didn 't have TVs but I listened to eveyrthing on the radio . I called my father to make sure he was okay ( that was before the phones went dead ) . As far as I knew everyon was okay from my family and friends . We listened to the radio all afternoon and evening . We couldn 't believe what had happened . Luckily I reached my now husband late that night . He had been on a train on his way to work . From the bridge the conductor saw the towers on fire . He pointed it out over the loudspeaker and everyone turned to look . My husband still remembers the scene . At that time he was traumatized from it . He used to be a social worker so his way of dealing with the trauma was to go to the site afterword and face the tragedy that happened there . Anyway , so our first thought was thank goodness that it didn 't happen when we were there . His second thought was , " Too bad we didn 't go up to the top . If I would have known that was going to happen I would have gone to the top of the towers one last time . " I was just happy to be alive . I didn 't escape the terrorist attacks as narrowly as the man in the video but I still feel Yad Hashem . I definately was more thaPosted by Mother in Israel once posted about cultural differences between Israelis and Americans . You can read the original post here which is about an Israeli women who seems snobbish but it 's basically because of a difference in culture . It 's worth it to read the comments . I 've experienced this on more than one occassion . The Americans sit together in the park while the Israelis sit together on another bench . Why ? Well the Israelis wouldn 't know the first thing to say to the Americans . Like MiI said , we 're not on their radar screen . Well I was hoping that I was different . Being an Israeli - born American I felt that I could easily be in both circles . I will admit that sometimes I 'm the American in the Israeli circle and sometimes I 'm the Israeli in the American circle . This past Shabbat we invited the H . family to our house . L , the mother , babysat my kids last year on the days I worked late . We got very close with them since their kids were around our kids ages . Her husband is a soldier so he only comes home once a week . My husband always comes home after the kids are asleep . We had time to chat when I 'd come pick the kids up . We were pregnant at the same time ( although she hasn 't given birth yet ) . She 's in her ninth month and we thought it would be nice to have them over . We invited them over for Shabbos lunch . Now some background info on us and on their family . We are Ashkenazi Litvish American - quasi - charedi . They are Moroccan . What I know about Moroccans is that they like spicey food . I don 't cook anything like her and probably never will . Her mother also came since she was at their house for Shabbos . So here goes the experience . First , my hubby makes kiddush in his American Litvish accent . They really didn 't go for the grape juice . Then we make hamotzei . I totally forgot that sfaradim don 't say hamotzei on sweet challah . I should have been more sensitive and gotten water challah but I wasn 't thinking ( partially because I 'd been sick with a cold all week but that 's no excuse ) . So we were machshil them . Then we served thPosted by Baruch Hashem it rained yesterday . When I walked out of the house yesterday morning to take my kids to gan , the sky was blue and the birds were chirping . Slowly but surely the clouds started moving in . By the early afternoon the sky was partly cloudy . By 4 PM there were dark rain clouds . Just after 4 it started to rain , B " H . We need the rain so badly . I don 't think that it was significant enough though . Last week my son came home with a note saying that we should say barchi nafshi up to the 11th pasuk which talks about the rain . He also told me that the rebbe said that if it doesn 't rain we may have to fast . B " H it did rain and I hope it continues to do so . This was inspired by Rafi at Life in Israel who was talking about his recent experience with Parent - Teacher conferences . As bad as everyone over there comments that their conferences were I still think mine was the worst . Why ? Well because of one word : disorganization . A little background info first . My son is 5 . 5 and goes to a cheider where they have two years of gan ( ages 3 and 4 ) and then start first grade . So my son started first grade this year and now knows how to read and is learning to write in script letters . I 'm not going into my feelings about this right now and I won 't be discussing the fact that we didn 't know what we were getting ourselves into . This year they moved the gan and first and second grades to a fenced in area where the Beis Yaacov school used to be before they built a building . The area is made of 4 caravans and an area for bathrooms as well as an open area in the middle for playing . There is no playground because they haven 't put it up yet . Don 't ask me why . For the past two years they have had ganenot teaching them , with a rebbi coming in to teach alef bet . This year they have a rebbi . Luckily the Rebbi that my son has happens to be an English speaker who made aliya at age 4 with his family . We were so happy when we heard this and it 's definately help with the transition to first grade . Unfortunately , this Rebbi has only one year of subbing experience behind him . That means he 's a new teacher . That was me about two years ago . Boy do I remember how hard that was . Because he 's an English speaker and because I know what he 's been though I am trying very hard to bite my tongue and not criticize every little thing . I must say that he is trying really really hard to make it work . It seems like the administration is really behind him also . Despite that there are a number of things that aren 't going so well . This Rebbi is the nicest man . He 's just nice . The boys in my sons class however aren 't . They eat him alive . They are the nastiest little rugrats you 've ever seen . There are some I 'd even callPosted by I know that I really shouldn 't do this but . . . . I NEED to vent and let off some steam . I 'm really really really annoyed at my husband . Is it because I asked him to take out the garbage on his way to work and he didn 't ? Is it because this is the millionth time this happened ? No . Is it because I asked him to get change so I could pay the babysitter today ? No . Is it becaused I caused him to be in a crabby mood today ? Perhaps . Is it because every time I call him he tries to end the class as soon as possible ? Could be . Is it because he uses different standards of what 's okay for him and for me ? Yup . When my in - laws were here they brought feet pjs for my older son . I waited until last night to give them to him . It was too hot when they were here . I asked my hubby if it 's okay that I wait to give them to him . He said yes . Last night after the bath I felt that the kids might be cold so I let them wear feet pjs . I took out the new ones for my son . He was excited to see them . He insisted that they fit even though they were a little big . He liked the space shuttles on them . This morning when my hubby got home from shul and saw him wearing them he was upset that I had let our son wear them when he wasn 't there to see it . I guess it was insensitive of me . He was really really annoyed at me . He kept saying that he couldn 't believe that I didn 't wait for a night when he was home early to do this . Mind you that there is no night when he 's home early - except Friday night and Saturday night . So then he asked what my sons reaction was when he saw the pjs . He expressed how annoyed he was again since he was the one who asked his parents to bring the pjs . How could I not wait for him ? Well gee . He did say that I could wait to put them on him for another night . He never said that he wanted to be there when he puts them on . He never told me that he wanted to be the one to put the pjs on him . I guess I should have known . This isn 't the first time this happened . Yup , I should have known . No excuses . So I 'm annoyed - at him and at me . So hubby Posted by Mother in Israel posted about Shabbos preparations and wanted to know how others manage to pull it all together on these early shabbosim . Although MiI likes to prepare everything on Friday so that it 'll be fresh as possible , I don 't . I need to plan in advance and I often start cooking early . When I 'm disorganized we have a really quick and easy Shabbos consisting of one or two dishes . I only have three kids one of which only nurses . So when I don 't plan we end up eating a rice and chicken type dish . I have two recipes . The one we like more is to put rice in an aluminum pan . Then you put the chicken on top . You sprinkle on paprika , pepper , garlic powder . Mix less than one Tbsp . of ketchup per piece of chicken , 1 Tbsp . of brown sugar per piece of chicken , and soy sauce . Pour over chicken . Add water ( 2 cups water per 1 cup rice ) . Cover and bake until water is absorbed and rice looks ready . You can always add soy sauce and more brown sugar along with water to cook it longer if it isn 't ready . The other variation is to place the sauce in the aluminum pan . Place the chicken on top . Sprinkle with spices ( salt , pepper , garlic powder , paprika ) . Add a small can of mushrooms and some onion soup mix . Add water . Bake covered . Both of these are easy and quick ways to make a meal . We also buy jarred gefilte fish and make a veggie salad . We try to skip dessert in order to cut back on calories . This is all when it 's just us . When I 'm in the mood for something fancier and more thought out I make any of the following side dishes : carrot kugel , potato kugel , cranberry crisp , sweet potato pie . The main dish is usually some form of chicken - breaded baked chicken ( 1 / 2 cup mayo , paprika , garlic powder , salt , pepper . mix and dip in bread crumbs ) , chicken with bar - b - que sauce , chicken with honey mustard sauce , chicken with apricot sauce - hubby doesn 't like this so much so we haven 't had it in a while , chicken with potatoes , fried shnitzel . Then occassionally I make deli roll - take filo dough , roll it out and cut in half so you have two rectanPosted by My in - laws arrived this past Sunday . I 've been looking foward to their visit with slight ambivalence ( sp ? ) . On the one hand , my mother - in - law could be really helpful with the cooking , cleaning and taking care of the kids . On the other hand , she can talk too much and is very different in personality from my husband and myself . My father - in - law is the parent who my husband and I can least relate to . He also is a very different personality . He 's always on the go and can 't sit still . He 's very quiet . When he 's not quiet he 's riling up the kids . How much help could he possibly be ? Well he can take the kids to the park and do dishes . I was hoping that they would come and take care of the house and the two big ones so I can rest with the baby . So they came on Sunday night . On Monday , my father - in - law cleaned up the yard all day . He 's been taking out the thorns and cleaing up the weeds . He literally did that all day with just some small breaks in between ( although he didn 't finish ) . My MIL sat and talked . About what ? Everything . She 's good at that . We made a menu for the week and a shopping list . We discussed the schedule for the week also . Sunday night I went to bed late because that was the day they arrived . My hubby went to bed even later . My MIL kept him up talking and then he had to learn some . Yesterday I barely got to rest . This is because they don 't like to rest and don 't really anticipate all of my needs as a mother who has just given birth . When Uri went to sleep at 12 PM I asked if I could go rest . Then Uri woke up at 12 : 15 to eat . Oh well . At least I got to eat lunch before picking the kiddies up . I can 't deal well with their on the go style . They always need to be doing something . I on the other hand am content to just rest . After all , I don 't sleep very well at night . Now I 'm exhausted and wondering if I would be less tired if they weren 't here . One thing that really really gets to me is the fact that when they come , they make themselves feel at home . Now I know that most normal people would love for their Posted by We are currently renting a two floor house on our yishuv . For the past three years we had been renting a three bedroom on the second floor of a house . We have tons of stuff since I have not been able to part with many of my things . We had a shed outside and a whole bedroom inside used for storage . We felt the apartment was small once we had our second . When we found out that our good friend who were renting bought a house across the street from their rental we were thrilled . They needed someone to take over their lease and we wanted a house . They didn 't even have to advertise . They also wanted to hand pick their neighbors so they didn 't want to advertise to the whole yishuv that the house was up for rent . Now I know this is selfish and not nice but we rented the house even though we knew that there were families with many more kids who were more desperate to move . I 'm sure a lot of people were jealous and resentful and it made me uncomfortable . So now that we 've been living here for about 6 months and we 're b " H very happy , let me tell you what happened today . My daughter was sick with a virus so she stayed home with me . She was really sick yesterday and today was just to make sure that she was over the virus . So basically she had regained all her strength by this morning . I had spent all morning with her until 12 . I couldn 't take it anymore and decided to go for a walk to the park down the street until I had to pick up my son . As we are walking to the park , we see a neighbor . This is someone Israeli who usually barely says hello . Here she not only said hi but also waited for me and my daughter to catch up to her . Then she asked us if the owner of our house would be interested in selling . Boy did that blow me away . I wonder if my shock was aparent on my face . It probably was . I told her what I knew . The last tenants had asked him this question and he wasn 't really interested and only for a price that was about $ 70 , 000 more than the value of the house . He lives in Jlm and needs it to cover his rent . Also , he got graPosted by This week I decided to try to be extra good about keeping the house clean . I tried to tidy up every night after everyone went to sleep . That meant I got less sleep this week . We 've had these icky small fly things in our house and they 're always flying in the kitchen . That was part of the reason I was trying to be so clean this week . I didn 't want their number to increase . They multipy like rabbits . Anyway , so I was keeping the house so nice and clean . Then a friend asked us if we could host a couple for sleeping and a meal on Shabbos . I thought about it . First I responded that having them sleep here shouldn 't be such a big deal . We would just have to clean up the office / guest room a bit . I told my friend to try to find them meals elsewhere but when she was unsuccessful , we decided to have them here for lunch . So on Wednesday I started cooking for Shabbos . I made cranberry crisp which I had been craving ever since I gave birth and the neighbor made us a very yummy one . On Thursday I got a recipe from a different neighbor for her potato kugel which we got to taste after I gave birth as well . My husband really liked the consistancy of this kugel . I made potato kugel and sweet potato pie as well as chocholate cake and shnitzel on Thursday . That was definately a record for amount of food cooked in one day since I gave birth ( and probably even before - like since I was in my 8th month or so ) . On Friday I made chullent . The cute young couple arrived Friday afternoon . The wife had a bad cold and slept a lot . The husband it turns out is the brother in law of a girl I know from seminary . They were very nice . They ate out Friday night at a different family . Shabbos day they ate here . My son kept asking me why the wife was always sleeping . We played some Jewish geography , which is always lots of fun . For shalosh seudos they ate at our neighbors next door . I think they had a nice time and got to see the yishuv . Since they have no kids I don 't understand why they would move out of Jlm but they are from Chicago and don 't like the Posted by First of all I hate that word . So I 'll just call it trying to eat healthier . Last Shabbos I decided to start to try to eat healthier . This is very hard for me because I am a chocoholic . I LOVE chocolate . I could eat tons of it every day . But I decided that this isn 't healthy and I 'll like to lose some of that excess weight . So , I decided that if I would not eat any chocolate all week , I would reward my self on Shabbat by making or buying a cake . This is my first week on this trial run and I was successful . At one point I found some chocolate bear cookies in the cabinet . I put two in my mouth and then almost immediately spit them out . I couldn 't believe how successful I was in staying away from my yummy delicious chocolate . Of course eating better is hard for me because I 'm nursing . When I nurse I gain tons of weight because I 'm always hungry . This is as opposed to when I 'm pregnant and lose between 10 and 20 pounds becaue I can 't stand the sight , smell , or taste of many foods - including sometimes chocholate ( gasp ! ) . So I 've been limiting my breakfast portions , limiting my number of meals , limiting number and types of snacks . I 've also been eating a lot more salad . We shall see if I can keep this up and for how long . I really hope it works . Although I had been doing really well , yesterday I slipped up again . I started being really stressed out and took out all the negative energy on my poor kids . Being home all day is not easy . Talmud Torah didn 't split the afternoon up enough . Today I was better but still not great . My daughter has had diarhea for a few days now . She also caught a cough from the girls in her playgroup . At 4 : 30 she said her stomach hurt and curled up in her stroller for a nap . When she woke up I saw she had a fever and after seeing it was 100 . 9 under the arm , I gave her akamoli . It took a while for it to work and she was in a lot of pain . Once it kicked in she was back to her energetic self although a bit tamer . Luckily she went to sleep and in fact all the kids are asleep . My husband is urging me to go to sleep as well . He wa so helpful tonight . He stopped off on the way home to buy a new Imim L ' binah calendar and also bought some kugels for shabbos . I told him how much I appreciated that and how it lifted off the burden of having to make side dishes . I feel like all the pressure of preparing for shabbos is gone . Tomorrow , we 'll have to take my daughter to the doc , cook the chicken , and clean . It should be interesting . We 'll see how much I get done with baby in one hand and sick toddler kvetching all day . Little Frumhouse on the Prarie has a sad post about a woman talking on her cell phone to a shadchan . She lies about her daughters dress size so that she 'll have more of a chance to succeed in shidduchim . I think it 's so sad . B " H I didn 't have to withstand this test . I am overweight and don 't know what I would have done in the world of shidduchim . The whole shidduch world has gotten very ugly . Why do they need to know a girls dress size at all much less as the first thing you ask ? What happened to middos , hashkafa , where she wants to live ( E " Y or America ) , etc . ? Aren 't there so many things that are much more important ? What if she 's a size 2 but she 's annorexic ? Isn 't it better to marry someone who is sane and is a much larger size . Isn 't shalom bayis more important than a trophy wife ? This whole topic is very disturbing to me . There is so much wrong here . Why is it that today people feel that they need to lie in order to be successful in shidduchim ? 1 - the shadchan shouldn 't be asking dress size 2 - the mother shouldn 't be revealing that 3 - it shouldn 't be important to the bachur . The fact that it 's important to him shows that he 's lacking something . Where are his values ? She can be the greatest baalas middos but she doesn 't have the right dress size so the shidduch will be dropped . That 's nuts . My friend one time went out with a guy who had seemed very excited when she spoke to him on the phone . At the date she sensed that something was wrong . When he broke the shidduch off she wanted to know why and he said that it was because he had thought that she was much skinnier and couldn 't face the fact that she was overweight . He couldn 't see past the pudge to the person . It was as if her fat blocked him from seeing who she really was . He didn 't see her wonderful middos and her love of chessed and people . I couldn 't believe this when I heard this story . All of my friends dieted when they were in the shidduch parsha ( and unfortunately some still are ) . This friend was shocked as well when she heard his reason for dropping thePosted by I 'm doing much much better thank goodness . My kids are all sleeping and it 's pretty early so I 'm taking out some time for myself to blog a little . Yesterday I did much better . I tried very hard not to constantly call my husband at work and not to be overly negative . It 's very hard for me because I really do complain a lot . I also tried to be calmer at home . I 've pretty much given up on doing any housework and I 've focussed on sleeping whenever possible . Unfortunately , this didn 't work . The baby didn 't sleep all morning until 12 . After grabbing a bite I layed down for a short nap and then picked up my son . He recevied a note from the Rebbe that his reading was on a very low level . Of course I don 't think he realized that the note said that . I know that he 's behind the other boys . Part of this is because he 's an English speaker who was in an all English environment until he was 3 . Part of it is because he 's younger than the other boys and they push them to know how to read at a very young age . Part of it is also because he isn 't surrounded by Hebrew all the time like the other boys . We also don 't practice as much as we should just because there isn 't time and he ususally doesn 't have the strength . His history of acheiving reading can be another post . So , I called my husband about that and hopefully we 'll talk to the Rebbe tonight and see what 's going on . I devoted time to my son when he was home because the baby was sleeping so I could give him undivided attn . Then it was time to pick up my daughter , the real challenge . We went to the makolet where she grabbed some chocolate and wouldn 't put it back until she ripped it open . I wasn 't so happy but I think I handled the situation well . What really broke up the day nicely was taking my son to Talmud Torah in the afternoon . This is a program that we have to pay for on a monthly basis where a rav from the yishuv teaches them about the parsha . They get a treat at the end . It 's organized by age . After picking up the kids from gan we rest a little and then head out to the shPosted by Don 't worry . I don 't think I 'm clinically depressed although I 've been in a very meloncholy mood lately . It 's strange b / c I was on such a high after giving birth but I guess I had to come crashing down at some point . That point has come . I 've been having a very hard time managing with my three kids . I can deal with one of them at a time or even with two at a time but the middle one is quite a challenge and it 's one that I 'm not meeting . I 've been going to Miriam Adahan classes about parenting . I have been reluctant to implement her system in the house because of my husband who doesn 't like shtick . He just wants me to improve myself without his input and help . Unfortunately I need a lot of help . He just fails to see this . He sees that I 'm really really messed up . He 's sees how negative I am and that I 'm never happy . He doesn 't see why he needs to help me be happy . He doesn 't see what a huge role he can play . He refuses to play any role . I have come to the realization that I must change something and I need that change to come quickly . I need to change the way I relate to my kids . I need to change my outlook on life . I need to become happier and to value all of the good that is given to me . This is very much against my nature . This is my avodas hachayim , the work that I 'll need to complete over the course of my life . I need to figure out how to take the lemons that life hands me and to make lemonade . I need to find a way to keep smiling throughout the day . This is just so hard for me . It 's especially hard since I just had a baby and am not getting so much sleep . Normally , I 'd say that as long as I 'm sleeping well and eating at least three meals a day I should be pretty okay . Under those circumstances I really wouldn 't have a good excuse for not being thankful and happy . My husband says that I call him too much at work and that every phone call is a complaint about something else . I 'll admit that I knew this . It 's not news to me . I like to involve him in my daily life . He doesn 't want to be involved . He just wants tPosted by My father made aliya after college . Then he moved back to NY after 10 years of living here in Israel . When we made aliya he told us that he always felt this way : When he was with Israelis he felt like he was " The American " and when he was with Americans he felt like he was " Israeli . " When we lived in Jlm I saw what he meant . In the neighborhood we lived in you could get along without speaking a word of Hebrew . It was amazing to me to see this . We chose to move to a yishuv where there is a significant population of Anglos but still that number isn 't too large . We are forced to speak Hebrew and to interact with Israelis . Our Hebrew has improved greatly . Being that I was born here and had a solid basis for the language I feel more comfortable communicating with Israelis . It 's easier for me than for my hubby . I also understand the culture more . Most of my good friends are Americans but I 've managed to make friends with Isaeli women as well . We live in a very diverse and accepting community so in addition to Americans and Israelis , there are a lot of Spanish and French speakers . Everyone tries to be very welcoming . My kids babysitters have all become my good friends . I do however agree with Abbi 's idea of the wall . Sometimes that language and cultural barrier is there and you feel that you can 't break it . I live on a street where there are six Anglos out of 14 . I have almost nothing to do with my Isaeli neighbors . Usually they say hello when they walk past us . I think they are intimidated by us . I 'm not sure why . If they 'd try to speak to me they 'd see they can communicate just fine . I 'll understand them and they will understand me . I do however see that my American neighbor who has been living on this street longer than us and who has kids who are slightly older than ours has more to do with the Israelis . She has kids in their kids classes so she has more to say to them . I have nothing to talk to them about and really have nothing to do with them . It is kind of sad I guess . Part of the reason for the instant Anglo conPosted by Today was my first day back to regular mothering ( plus a new baby ) . My father took the kids to gan with me and then left for Jlm . That left me and Uri home together , alone . We took a nice nap together . Then I woke up and did some laundry . I picked up my son from gan and when we got home he did his homework - he 's really in gan chova but they call it kita alef . Anyway , then we walked to pick up my daughter because having to handle buckling in three carseats in the back seat of our car was too much for me . In the morning it took us a while to do it . I may have to switch the placement of the carseats or something . So we picked up my daughter and boy was she happy to see us . The ganenet did say that she had a pretty good day for her . We took a walk to the makolet to pick up some conditioner b / c my daughter has lice and we 're trying awefully hard to get rid of it . Then we picked up my hubby 's suit which got stained with mud last time it rained . We walked back home and everyone had lunch . This was around 2 : 30 . After lunch we folded laundry , cleaned up a bit , read some books . Then it started to rain . Of course I knew that it would rain but I 'm in no shape to take down a sukkah or schach . What can I say ? I can 't move my hubby to do something if he doesn 't want to do it . The same thing happened with putting the sukkah up . I told him we should do it early b / c I know how to do it and I can guide him but he stubbornly refused . There was an excuse every Friday until after I gave birth . The day I came home , the last Friday before sukkot , he asked the neighbor for help . Unfortunately , because we moved an had to reconfigure our sukkah we didn 't have enough of the right size boards . So we really couldn 't put it up before shabbos . On motzei shabbos hubby got more boards from the hardware store and the neighbors put up the sukkah on Sunday . On Monday my dad and uncles put up the schach . Now if that 's not last minute I don 't know what is . Now hubby is in no rush to take down the sukkah . So what if it rains . We 'll wait til the sukkah driPosted by So a lot of time has passed since I last wrote . I appologize . There really is a good reason . Where did I leave off . I had an ultrasound on Sunday . On Monday I posted the whole story . On Monday I tried to call someone to induce me by natural means . She wasn 't home . After a whole long day , I decided to take a long walk around the yishuv . Our yishuv is very hilly . I left the house around 9 PM and the weather was beautiful . Walking downhill from our house I felt like I had so much energy . It was amazing . I walked two blocks lower than what I planned . Then I decided not to bite off more than I can chew and I started heading back uphill . That 's when I really felt how preggy I was . I went very very slowly . I got home and felt great . I took a shower and went to sleep . At 1 AM my wonderful 2 . 5 year old daughter woke up screaming . She wanted Ima . My hubby urged me to go into her room so that she wouldn 't wake up her brother screaming . So I went sleepily into her room and sat my very pregnant self down on her rocker . That 's when I felt it . All of a sudden I felt like I was having a contraction . The only thing was , it was in the abdomen and not at all in the back . This made me unsure if it was really a contraction . Then I felt another one . Still I wasn 't sure and wasn 't worried . After she fell asleep so did I . Then when I woke up I saw that I was still feeling these quasi contractions . I thought maybe it 's painful Braxton Hicks . It wasn 't so painful though . I realized that it got worse when I stood up . It was hard to eat breakfast because I felt like I had a head up my tush . My baby had been head down for two weeks . When my hubby got home I told him that I thought I 'd be giving birth that day , Tuesday . We got the kids mentally ready and sent them off to gan . We made arrangements for them to go to our neighbor again . We got their bags ready . Meanwhile I was still having more " pains . " I decided to try to drinking white wine test . I love white wine ( sweet that is ) . I drank a cup and tried to rest . It didn 't work . I told my hubbPosted by I should start of by saying thank you to Doron the fix it man who came by last night while I was at another Miriam Adahan shiur . On Thursday he tried to fix the leak and said the faucet had to be replaced . On Friday we drove to Jlm to give the broken faucet to the owner to get it replaced b / c it had a warantee . He got it replaced ( or so we thought ) . Then it was too close to shabbos for Doron to fix it . Motzei shabbos he was busy . So on Sunday night he came by to fix it . After trying to install it he said that it was the same leaky faucet that we had given them to replace . My hubby called the owner . They decided to get a brand new faucet from the Kol Bo . They split the pay . It 's a really nice one . Yay . Anyway , so thank you Doron for allowing us the luxury of running water in our kitchen . I was too tired to wash dishes when I got back from the shiur . On Sunday I tried to get an appt for an ultrasound . So after trying to book an appointment for Tuesday for an ultrasound I gave up and decided to go local on Sunday . It was way more convenient . Unfortunately , the technition told me that my water was kind of low . She did me a favor and said that I shouldn 't go to the hospital right away . She made me an appointment at a place in Jlm to get an ultrasound for Monday at 11 . Unfortunately I had to teach a class this morning . I got there ten minutes late and they all decided that they had finished davening already . After trying to argue with them I gave up and told them that it 's between them and G - d and after all it 's aseret yimai teshuva and this was their choice . I gave them a lesson on sukkot words in English . After the lesson I went home to get ready . I gave my neighbor the clothes for the kiddies and packed and left . I left late , picked up the hubs and went to the ultrasound place . We got there and had to wait . The water level was considered low but not low enough to induce me . Then I was sent to get a monitor reading . We had to wait a while . Monitor was okay . Dr . said that since baby is a good size and I feel movements Posted by Yup . That 's me . Maybe this post should be entitled over - emotional pregnant lady . My poor husband has to deal with his worst nightmare - an overly sensitive female who cries for seemingly no reason . This month has been quite a ride . I 've found about a thousand reasons to cry . Anything anyone says to me makes me cry . I cry after every doctors visit . I had such a bad day . Of course speaking to my hubby about this wouldn 't yield any results because I really need a female to listen . He just isn 't playing the part . My day started off with me getting my kids out of the house late . Then I didn 't get enough done during the day . I layed down to rest and only after I woke up realized that I was supposed to pick my son up early because today is a fast day . I drove like a maniac to pick him up and like the good boy that he is , he was waiting for me patiently near his gan . He had been crying but wasn 't crying when I picked him up . I apologized profusely and asked him if anyone saw that he was waiting there . One girl asked him where he lived and what his name is and said she would call me . I never received any calls . I don 't understand how only one girl could see my son crying . Aren 't any mothers walking their kids to and from gan ? Aren 't there any adults around ? Apparently not . So my hubby suggested that I go and buy him a treat to make it up to him . I bought him one and me one . Only after getting home did I realize that mine wasn 't mehadrin . So I didn 't get to eat anything . When I picked up my daughter her ganenet told me how she started off the day so nicely until it was time to try to make on the toilet . From that point on she was the enemy of the ganenet . So we got home and my son asked if he could clip thorns in the yard . He 's been patiently waiting til after shmita to do that . I gave him the clippers . This meant though that neither he nor his sister ate a normal lunch . Then the repairman came over to repair our leaky sink . I had noticed before Rosh Hashana that there was a lot of water on the floor near the sink but I figurPosted by Since I am nine months pregnant I feel entitled to post this after Rosh Hashana . Hope everyone had a good holiday . I for one spent a lot of time preparing with the " help " of my kiddies . Then once the chag came I didn 't have a very restful time . I put my daughter to sleep before my hubby got home from shul and then let my son stay up with us . This proved to be a challenge since he was overtired . He did enjoy the simanim but refused to sleep before the meal was over . The next day we all woke up late and had to eat and get to shul to hear shofar . We just made it b " H . In the afternoon I didn 't get to rest due to an overabundance of youngins inspiring to be baalei tekiya . I wasn 't too happy about the lack of sleep . The second night , I decided to try to keep both kids up . We put them to bed right after the simanim . Then we ate the rest of the meal alone . That was particularly nice . It 's probably one of the last times we 'll be able to do that . Soon we 'll be changing the clocks and then the kids will be up for the meal with us . Fun fun . So I went to sleep as soon as I could after the meal . Then I forced myself to get out of bed at 7 knowing that the kids would sleep late and that it would give me enough time to get everything together so that we could get to shul on time to hear the shofar again . I ate breakfast by myself and got the snacks ready . Then the kids woke up and I dressed them . We walked to shul and they were actually running late . The kids ate their breakfast bags nicely while I listened to Torah reading and the haftorah . Then we heard the shofar and were free to go play . We had a little preggy pow wow on one of the benches outside the shul . There are a lot of us due around the same time , b " H . And now , for the main reason of this post . . . . . . . . . . . . . . our Rosh Hashana Menu : We made brisket in a tomato and cranberry sauce , baked breaded shnitzel , carrot kugel , cranberry crisp , veggie soup with matzah balls , gefilte fish , chocolate chip cookies and peanut butter squares . Out of all of that food we have a tiny bit oPosted by For our anniversary my husband and I went out to a great steakhouse in Yerushalayim . We had been there once before and one thing I loved ( besides the yummy food ) was the wonderful music they played . I never asked them what it was but today when I dropped my daughter at her babysitter , she had the same music playing and I immediately got the name of the musician . His name is Eliezer Rosenfeld and he plays popular Jewish music songs mostly on the flute . His music is beautiful . Being someone who played the flute for many years his music speaks to me . The greatest part is that he 's playing songs that I know . Some are upbeat and some are slow . So this is going to be my new obsession . I must get my hands on some of his CDs . Since we moved into our house about half a year ago , we haven 't hooked up our stereo . This is because the place we 'd like to put it has no outlet . The only other piece of furniture where we could put it is right opposite the door and I felt that it wouldn 't be nice to see that right when you walk in . So , our stereo is sitting in the box in our living room . Hopefully we 'll find a satisfactory solution . For the time being , I 've been listening to Radio Kol Chai like all day every day . I love their shows and their taste in music ( mostly ) . Now that we have our new computer maybe I could buy E . R . 's CDs and play them on the computer . Woo Hoo ! I 'm so excited . Shana Tova to all ! I 'm so sick of this ! My 2 . 5 year old daughter is in the middle of being trained . She 's totally ready but because of psychological issues it 's just not working . The psychological issues that I 'm talking about are the fact that I 'm going to give birth soon , she just started going to a new gan about two and a half weeks ago , and typical toddler toilet training issues . I 'm trying to get her trained before I give birth . This is one of the hardest things I 've ever had to do . She 's gone through a lot of ups and downs . She can totally do it but is now playing games with it . Last week she decided to hold it in at her gan . Every day I would take her to the toilet before leaving for work and then when I would pick her up the ganenet would tell me that she hadn 't made all day . This week she 's started to make at gan but yesterday she literally gave the ganenet hell . She did the exact opposite of whatever she was told . If the ganenet told everyone to clean up , she spread all the toys out . If she told everyone to stay inside , she openned the door for them . Now she 's enjoying being in control . She wants to make when she feels like it . What this can mean is that she 'll hold it in way too long and then make anywhere but the toilet . I have to count my blessings because so far we 've avoided accidents on the couch B " H but that doesn 't mean it won 't happen sooner or later . NOT FUN ! She also refuses to go when I ask her to . If I say to her : " Let 's try to see if anything comes out . " She throws a tantrum . She literally kicks and screams at the top of her lungs . She grabs her blanket and then puts it in her mouth , biting it like there 's no tomorrow . Then she just continues to cry . If I try to get her to talk she just screams louder and regresses to babydom . She 's talking less and less and throwing more and more tantrums . Really fun for me because I 'm the one she spends the most time with . It 's gotten to the point where I literally cry almost every day . I feel so helpless and I can 't stand it . I wish she 'd just do it on her own like I knowPosted by Miriam Adahan has been giving shiurim on our yishuv for the past two weeks . I love her stuff and have heard her speak before . She 's just great . The only way I 'd miss a class is if I either give birth on the day of a class or am too tired to attend with a two day old . She always says such great things in a new way . She breaks things down so that her methods are doable and she is very into encouragement . I hope that these shiurim will allow me to work on my middot . Right now I 'm going through a real slump . I 'm in my ninth month and am exhausted all the time . My daughter is being potty trained and is having accidents about once a day . She is also regressing and decided to stop talking and start grunting and crying . I don 't know if this has to do with the toilet learning or the new baby who will arrive soon enough . All I know is that it 's too hard for me to deal with this in my ninth month . So Miriam Adahan was talking about overcoming little obstacles in our daily lives . She gave tons of examples and it sounds so good . But then I get home and get lazy and although I really try to follow her guidlines I 'm just too tired to do so . If this were at any other point in my life I 'd probably take to it much better . I really have to force myself to get more into this avodat hamidot . It 's something that I 've been meaning to do for a while and that I really would like to do not just for me , but for my husband and kids . Last year I learned Tanach in memory of my grandmother . I tried to learn one chapter every day but it didn 't always work . This year maybe my focus will be more mussar and midot . I don 't feel that I 'm in a position to commit to anything though . I don 't know what will be after I give birth . If my kiddies are acting up now , before the baby is out of my belly then what will be later . Because I am a realist let 's assume that the situation will not be getting much better later on . Later I 'll have to divide my attention in three . As it is I have a hard time sitting and doing homework with my oldest . My daughter needs tPosted by B . I . B . and B . B . got married . They had a son named B . D . B . Then they had a daughter M . R . B . - ( we just didn 't like the idea of all B names ) . Then they had another son U . Y . B . So now you know why we 're the Killer Bees . Welcome to our Beehive . |
At first , as they neared the state 's capitol , Alex began to think they were going somewhere official , Anderson was taking care of some essential piece of business before the press conference . But just as he knew the capitol building itself was about to hove into view , as they drove toward the ivy - covered overpass , the blinker in the back Dodge came on . They exited on Sleater - Kinney , and Alex pulled into the exit lane and slowed , giving them sufficient lead . They were turning left at the top of the ramp , crossing over the highway . Alex managed to stay a light behind them , distant enough not to be obvious , but ready to run a red light in an instant if it looked like he was going to lose them . He did not . After a few simple turns they were in a residential neighborhood and excitement began to crawl into Alex 's belly . They were going to her home . He didn 't know how he knew , but he did , he knew it as certain as he knew anything . Sure enough , a few blocks ahead on the wonderfully open and clear suburban Olympia streets , he saw the two Dodges pull over in front of a small rambler . He put on his own blinker and made a right hand turn , breaking his eye contact with them and removing himself from their awareness . He drove just far enough to park in front of another car , and killed the engine , sitting behind the wheel , panting , almost hyperventilating . He wanted to believe that this was it , that he would just be able to walk into her home and enjoy his time with her , but he knew that , realistically , his other plan , that of taking her to that nostalgic cabin in Vancouver , was more realistic . And why the hell not ? By the time anyone responded to this situation , he could be half way there ! He was already closer than he would have been in Auburn or Seattle . It was a straight shot down I - 5 . His van would hold for a day or two . What was the worst that would happen , he would get a parking ticket ? He could live with that . It wasn 't in his name , anyway . Alex took deep , satisfying breaths , his earlier fatigue vanished , his body winding up and tightening like a clockwork toy . He closed his eyes and forced himself to relax . This was his moment . This was his time . This was , he now realized , what he had been building up to for so very long . He did not pack his bag , not this time . He did not want to have anything that would hold him back . He found a sweatshirt and decided he would pose as a jogger . The gun fit snugly into his belt at his side , beneath the sweatshirt , if he loosened his belt a notch . His hunting knife sat in its welcome place on his left hip . Into his back pocket he put a handful of zip ties , confident in their usefulness , as he always was . Then he began his walk . It was almost 6 in the morning now , and still quite dark . Mist hung in pools around the streetlights , making the hour feel even more gloomy than it was . The reassuring weight of the gun on one side of his body and the knife on the other soothed him and slowed his fluttering heart , already far ahead of him , ready for the fun to begin . He turned right onto the woman 's street , 138th SE , he noted , which was boring and anonymous . Not as exciting as the resident who lived on it , who would probably be his most famous victim . He so rarely thought of the people he spent time with as victims exactly . They were certainly not his friends , but they gave to him , he enjoyed their company so that the word victim seemed . . . inauthentic . No , they were his . . . subjects ! Yes , he liked that quite a bit . It implied both that he was a scientist conducting experiments and that he was a ruler and they were beneath him . Both true , both appropriate , both sensible . They were his subjects . And there were two now , sitting in a large Dodge wagon before the woman 's house . One was intently looking out the left side , at the other side of the street . The other man was lounging , his head lolling against the passenger side window . He did not look alert . Alex slid the gun from his belt and held it tight against his right leg , beneath the line of sight of the men in the car . Perhaps he would talk to them . Pretend to be a local , someone out looking for a pet or a child . He would be casual , treat them as anyone else , and he could hear the conversation in his mind . " Oh my , you 're police officers ? Well then I 'm sure you can help me . " The apathetic man twisted a little in his seat and Alex forced himself to keep moving as he knew he was entering the man 's peripheral vision . Freezing or moving quickly would arouse suspicion . There would be none of that . He was just a casual citizen , out for a morning walk . Hell , they were the suspicious ones , sitting in this neighborhood in a running car - The man in the passenger seat twitched , as if stung , and Alex moved without thinking about it . He raised the gun , just as he saw the man was reaching inside his own jacket and , with the muzzle just a few feet from the window , pointing directly at it , he opened fire . The first round took the man in the head , shoving it violently away from the window with a spray of human material , then flopping back into the glass , aping his position from just moments ago . The sound was a whip - like crack in the thin morning air , and the sound of the glass cracking from the impact a lesser , hollower noise . Alex couldn 't see his second target , but he knew that there was no time , so he adjusted his aim to fire past where the passenger was sitting and emptied the gun in the direction of the driver 's seat . The rapid reports bled together into a single exaggerated sound , like a string of firecrackers , the individual sounds becoming one and remaining individual . The gun dry fired several times before Alex realized he was out of ammunition . He grabbed the handle of the passenger door and pulled on it . The man with holes in his head tried to flop out , but was held in place by his seat belt . Holding the now empty gun before him , Alex looked past to see the driver . His window was now a ruin of red as well , and Alex could see that one of his hands was almost destroyed by gun fire where he had protectively held it up . It had done no good . There was a hole in his chest that was slowly leaking blood , a hole high up on his shoulder and . . . yes , that was not blood in his eye , half the eye was , in fact , missing . That was when Alex saw it . Miraculously clear of blood , bone and brain , there was a photocopy at the passenger 's feet . It was him . It was not perfect , of course , but the likeness was striking . That was why the passenger had reacted when he had seen him . It was a damn good thing he 'd brought Wozcynski 's gun along after all . With that thought , he took the gun from the passenger . His hand was still resting on it and Alex had to pull it out of the way . It was still warm and supple . Alex smiled happily as he checked the chamber . It was ready to go . There was no safety . He carefully closed the door on the passenger , marveling at the destruction the small gun had been able to create . It was not as satisfying as some things , he admitted , but the picture of the aftermath was astounding . He looked at himself and was surprised that , other than the hand where he had touched the body guard , his body was completely clean . It was so unusual for him to create so much destruction and remain so clean . Not what he would have favored , certainly not what he was saving up for Anderson , not at all , but satisfying in its own way , to a degree at least . Alex turned for the house . The beeping of her cell phone dragged T . K . back to consciousness . She had set the alarm to wake her at 5 a . m . , well in time to prepare for the press conference . She blinked blearily and wrenched the crinks from her neck , grunting at the loud cracks she elicited from her joints . She made her way to the showers by way of the coffee machine , mentally preparing for another full day , her guards faithfully in tow . Perhaps not the last day , they might not be that lucky , but a day when things would start to fall into place . Certainly , at least , there was something to report at this morning 's press conference . " Be right out . " Once she hung up , she told Larry and Moe that Antonov was around the back . " We 'll get you to the back door and then meet you on the road , " Larry said . The followed her dutifully down the stairs to the back door , where she signed out with the desk officer . She stared at the door for a moment and just as she raised her hand to push it open , one of the guards stopped her . She was surprised for a moment . It was a perfectly good question , just not one she 'd been expecting . She lifted up the edge of her coat . " Of course . " She exited through the door and nodded at Antonov , who waved at her . She took a breath of the cool morning air . The sun was still down , she reflected . No one should be awake at this hour , let alone all of us . A dark thought occurred to her . This was his time . This was when he would be awake , just heading home after an evening that ended with a body dump or a dead family . She shivered and began walking to Antonov 's car . It smelled good , like it were a fairly recent purchase , and the leather interior was still being generous . It also smelled like the driver himself , no doubt dosed daily with his own aftershave or whatever . " Morning , " he said . " Snob , " he said with a sniff , and turned on a light pop station . Larry and Moe fell in behind them at the first light , driving an unmarked Dodge Magnum . Being on the open road like this , she was strangely comforted by their presence , as annoying as it might be otherwise . It only took ten minutes for one of the morning DJs to reference the case , and Anotonov snapped the radio off . By that time they were pulling onto I - 5 , a straight shot from Olympia and Anderson 's home . After another minute of silence , the driver spoke . " Get this straight , " he said , taking his eyes off the road for a moment , locking them onto her . " You 're tough . You look tough , you talk tough , you act tough . That 's awesome . It means men and women want to respect you . You 're not too pretty , which means women aren 't going to be threatened by you . But right now , people respect you because they respond well to you and because they 've been told to . Tomorrow morning , when you present , for the first time really what the fuck is going on , you need to look like an authority figure , and you cannot do that in a leather jacket . You just can 't . " He drove once around the building , knowing that any more would be likely to draw attention from a police department that was already closing ranks . He noted with satisfaction that the flag before the building was flying at half mast . There was a rear entrance , a single door at ground level , as opposed to the imposing , official double doors at the top of the stairs in the front . Alex could not watch both doors , but he would be laying odds that she would use the rear door after the press conference in the morning . He knew he couldn 't park on this block . Even on a day when the police weren 't paranoid , such action might draw attention , but on a day like this , it would be suicidal . He was not that person . He might be taking risks but he was not open to failure . He found a small parking area on the roof of a building two blocks away , which would allow him to watch the rear door . He had binoculars , but he would not be able to use them much , as it would draw attention . Camping out in a parking lot was bad enough . He put on several sweaters and cracked the windows to keep the heat from building up . He ate a granola bar and drank some water , emptying a container he could urinate in later . He had some No - Doz in the glove compartment , and he took two to stay alert . Later , if necessary , he would break out the harder drugs , stimulants that he had acquired through the years , for those rare stretches when he had to stay up past his normal threshold . Periodically he would turn on the car to defrost the windshield . At those times he would quietly listen to news radio to see if there had been any developments . None were reported . He did not have a wireless signal , but every so often he would open up his laptop and watch the press conference featuring Deputy Anderson . He would focus on one attribute of her , the way she talked , the way her lips moved , the way she used her eyes , the way she used her hands . Every time he did he was more reassured that she would be very special , one of his finest achievements . The hours passed slowly , but he kept himself busy , entertaining himself with ideas of what was to come , as well as revisiting some of his greatest hits , notably Liz . He knew he would not be able to help but compare his experiences with the two women . Women rarely crossed his path , certainly not the way Liz had , and he knew that no matter the circumstances under which he took the Anderson woman , he would run as far as he must to insure that he could spend as much time with her as possible . Perhaps he 'd load her up with drugs and make the three hour drive south to Vancouver and stay in the same cabin . The nostalgia appealed to him . The No - Doz were wearing off and he was pondering moving on to something else , something to keep him alert , when it happened . There she was . It could have been any woman from that distance , and he quickly checked through the binoculars , even though he knew in his gut that it was her . It had to be . It was his time . Sure enough , when the small figure snapped into view on his binoculars , there she was , the big eyes , the short hair , walking quickly across the space between the back door of the city hall and the waiting car . He looked briefly at the car , fixing it in his mind . It was a dark color , difficult to tell in the streetlights , he thought it might be dark green . It was a Dodge , he saw , a sedan , and that was good enough . He tossed his binoculars on the passenger seat beside him and quickly backed out of his parking space . He only had two ramps to descend before pulling onto the street and he immediately moved toward the city hall . He made a left hand turn and was on the street the dark Dodge had been on and he saw it just as it was making its own left hand turn onto the main town thoroughfare . Even though he had perhaps taken a moment too long watching her , after he had known it was her , things were working out perfectly . As he made his own right turn to pull in behind Anderson 's car , he heard a siren offer a single whoop at him as another Dodge tore through the intersection , running a red light . As Alex made his own turn , he saw the second Dodge pull in behind the first , making a small convoy . Her police escort , Alex supposed . That was a close thing . He followed the two cars and pulled in behind them at a light . At the next light , the convoy made to pull onto Highway 18 , heading east , which would take them to I - 5 . He let the cars pull onto the highway without him and drove on . As soon as they were out of sight he pulled two quick U - turns , running one red light , and then pulled onto the highway himself . With several hundred yards between them , and exceptionally light traffic at 5 : 30 in the morning , he would have little trouble following them without being noticed . After a few minutes the two cars merged onto I - 5 heading south . Anderson was due to give a press conference back in Auburn in just a couple of hours . Where were they going ? " Lemme see that , " said Stockton , reaching out for Raynes ' laptop . His brow furrowed as he worked with the computer . " It wasn 't an automated response , the guy sent that email in real time as soon as he received it . " " Yeah , I know . I 'm on it . I can track the IP address , but now we just have to get . . . Sprint , it looks like , to kick loose the information . We can triangulate where he was and track where he goes if he leaves the phone on . " Stockton looked up and gave a crooked grin , his skin sickly in the light of the laptop . " We will . As soon as we get the info from the phone company . " " Damn right . " She hung up . " Alright , Stockton , we 're running down a subpoena for you . Otherwise , keep at what you 're doing . Especially matching those veteran 's records , that might be what finally sticks with this mess , if it all adds up . " Her guards , who had been introduced to her , but who she continued to think of as Larry and Moe , followed her out to the parking lot as she got her bathroom bag from her car . One of them checked the bathroom for her before she was allowed to use it , and then they waited for her outside as she washed her face and brushed her teeth . One of them checked the first empty office that she found and then they took up stations outside her door while she turned off the lights and sat down at the desk . She put her head down on her arms at the desk . The posture echoed in her muscle memory and she realized that she hadn 't slept like this since college . Finals week , she supposed , getting an hour in between study sessions . Even with all her traveling for this job , which was seeming more and more ridiculous to her , she had never had to sleep at a goddamn desk . Shitty hotel rooms that she regretted sleeping in , certainly , but never at a desk . It made her feel removed somehow , as if what was happening wasn 't concrete or real . The fact that she 'd been to two obscene crime scenes in 24 hours probably didn 't help . She realized that her education had failed her . The breakthrough in this case had come because of plain , boring , old - fashioned police work , not anything she had learned at the knees of experts from around the country . Her education certainly had not prepared her for what she had seen at the Wozcynski house . On the other hand , she supposed that nothing really would have prepared her for that . She stared at her hand , so close to her eyes as to be fuzzy , and tried to let her thoughts drift . He had practically handed himself over to them and she wondered if he had done it on purpose . Clearly his activities in the last day had become reckless and radically different from the cautious movements he had been making previously . She didn 't believe in the old trope about killers wanting to be caught , so she was stuck wondering what he was doing , why he was being so brazen , so aggressive . It was clear that he had been operating for more than five years , in Portland and now here , so it didn 't make any sense that his compulsion had finally taken him over . If it was going to do so , it would have done so before now . She sighed and turned her head , looking now at her elbow , seeing the fibers in her blouse up close . People were lazy , she thought , she knew that . They generally didn 't act on their own , they tended to react . What could this guy , Cambuto or whatever , be reacting to ? The answer to that was plain enough , he was reacting to being discovered . After years of operating without anyone being the wiser , he had become public . Admittedly , his name wasn 't released and his details weren 't made public , but the fact that he existed was now known . Was that all it had taken ? Was the fact that he had been uncovered like a crab underneath a rock what had pushed him to start acting out . She considered this idea . It made a certain kind of sense , she supposed , just like the crab , if it was cornered , it would start trying to nip at its attacker , even if it were 100 times larger . Was the killer so primitive that as soon as he was spotted he would take to the offensive ? It certainly seemed like that could be the case . Cornered animals were dangerous and unpredictable . That fit . It also meant that no matter how careful their plans were , they couldn 't be careful enough . Not with a cornered animal . There was just no telling . Posted by Alex found a public library and parked outside to bootleg their wifi signal . He was quickly able to find the full version of the press conference he had caught the end of , and he watched it three times over . She wasn 't beautiful , he reflected , even though he knew he wanted her . There was something about her that struck him like Liz had , not in the way that she had filled him with fury , but in the sense that just looking at her he could feel the inevitability of her fate . He googled the detective and chased her name around the internet . Her first two names , Teresa and Katrina , were a strange enough combination that he was able to find her on occasion , popping up in a graduation notice ( criminal justice , University of Washington ) , and a mention of her in a case from Boise where a mass murderer had been apprehended . According to the article in the Seattle Times , local Deputy Sheriff T . K . Anderson had assisted the investigation . He found a photo of her , from another article , this from Seattle Weekly , which ran a short feature , " She Hunts Killers " . The interview spoke largely in generalizations and talked about her education ( UW again ) and her specialty training from places like the FBI academy in Quantico , Virginia . " The biggest factor I have to work against is the public perception of these individuals . They rarely consider the people that they are killing to even be people . The world is little more than a playground for many of them . The media , particularly films , has fastnened onto the serial killer as a new boogeyman and it has both weakened and strengthened them in the view of the public . " The wailing of a fire engine momentarily distracted him as it tore past where he was parked . He smiled , thinking of where it might be going . The sad , burning body of that lonely , pathetic gas station attendant was nothing compared what would be , what he was looking forward to . There were five rounds left in the gun he had taken , that would be enough to get started . Beyond that , he had his entire bag of tricks , including hypodermics , knives , surgical gloves , and the like . Now , with a full stomach and a true vision of what was to come next , Alex began to drive . As he did , he began to fantasize about what was to come . He was sure that after Wozcynski it would be more difficult than his last kill had been , but that just made it more exciting . He stopped for gas before started the drive to Auburn . He would wait for her , lie in wait , as he had not done since , well , since Liz , he supposed . The thought excited him even more . He was going to play it entirely by ear , let his instincts guide him , as they had so successfully done already . Posted by Anderson wasn 't sure that you could call what had happened a break in the case , but at least there was finally something to work towards . The tireless crime scene nerds had finally come up with something . One of the bodies from the dump ( which had produced 27 and counting ) had come back with an identity due to dental records . Elizabeth Wilson - Reilly had been reported missing more than five years ago in Portland , Oregon . The circumstances of her disappearance were such that foul play was suspected and her employee , one Jerry Cambuto , had stopped showing up for work at the same time . An ATM in Vancouver , Washington , had made withdrawals of several of Wilson - Reilly 's accounts , but the video from the ATM was not helpful in identifying the individual . The file from Portland had included a composite drawing of Cambuto , put together after interviews with several of his co - workers where he had worked as a transcriptionist . This had lead to another line of questioning that Anderson had handed off to a member of her task force , which had been waiting for her at Auburn P . D . after she had returned from the Wozcynski home . She really was in charge now , she thought , as the cameras and television lights were turned off . " No , you wasted the better part of a day circling the wagons after one of our own was attacked . There 's no shame in that . And now you actually have something to follow up on , right ? " " Seems like it 's more than we had , anyway . " " Well , we 've got a nice assortment of fingerprints from the Wozcynski 's that we 're sorting through . Theoretically his might be there somewhere , but checking them off is a bitch since all of the bodies were burnt at least a little . " " There was something to report tonight , there 'll be something more to report in the morning . Even if it 's small , there will be something . And we need to be able to keep bragging up what we 're doing , that 's a common mistake . You don 't report the small progress you make , people will think you didn 't make any at all . " " What have we got ? " she asked as she entered the war room . No one answered her . The night shift was just coming on , but she saw that Russell , a state trooper assigned to the task force , was still on the phone , several hours after he should have gone home . Anderson didn 't give a shit about overtime , but she wanted him to be able to keep working . There were three others , two women and one man . She wasn 't sure if they were assigning her more women because she was a woman or if it was the luck of the draw . One of the women , another Deputy , Allison Raynes , looked up and nodded at her , then returned to the photocopies of the Portland file . The other woman , a Seattle patrol cop named Petros , was sitting at a laptop , a phone cradled in her shoulder . She was in contact with another patrol cop who was running down leads , including the possible identity of several other bodies . The man , Stockton , was running the computer scans on fingerprints and dental records , a long - term commitment and a tedious job . Finally , Russell hung up the phone and signaled her . As she approached him he stood up and led her to the corner of the room . " I did like you suggested . I contacted the psychologist , and he told us who does his medical records . He sends them off to a company called RNX Records . I got their answering service and put in a call to their manager . Then I began running down people at Stafford Mental Health , the clinic in Portland . I got some additional information on the guy from Portland to go with the file they sent us . Then the guy from RNX calls me back and I asked him about their employees . I faxed him the composite sheet we put together . He ID ' ed the new version we put together , without the beard . Says the guy is Paul Mercer , one of their transcribers . This Mercer guy typed up the psych records and interviews for the first vic that was ID ' ed as Walsh . Since Kelty , the shrink , farmed this stuff out , he would have never met Mercer , but Mercer knew who the shrink was . I think if we narrow our dental records search against just vets we 'll turn up some more IDs in short order . " " Alright . Listen up ! " Anderson yelled , standing up . " Russell here has manufactured us some solid leads for once . We have a picture of this guy to offer the public starting tomorrow and I want everyone in the world to see it . I don 't want this son of a bitch to have room to breathe . Russell , give the phone number for the Portland manager to Raynes . Raynes , take the info he 's put together and keep building us a picture of this guy . Stockton , narrow your dental search to veterans and see if anything comes up quicker . What have you got so far , Russell ? " " That 's what the manager said . Most of the people in the office really liked him , he was a solid worker , but he and his boss had some kind of disconnect , never really got along . Manager said that at one time Liz , the vic , complained that she always felt like the suspect , Cambuto or Mercer , was hiding something . But the manager said the only thing he really noticed was that he was always smiling and it made him uncomfortable . Like there wasn 't always something to smile about . " " First thing I want you to do is get with the manager in Portland and dig into their records . Find out how many people they did records on died under mysterious circumstances : Disappearances , suicides , whatever . If this is how he finds who he goes after , we might be able to track it back to him . " " Hello , is Jerry there ? Oh , I see . I 'm sorry . Do you know a Jerry Cambuto ? " The volume of the speaker on the other end of the phone grew louder . " I understand . " She hung up . " No dice . I 'll run the number to see who has had it since then , run their records , but I think it 's a dead end . " Raynes ' fingers flurried over the keyboard and then she gave an emphatic nod . " I put the subject line as ' Hello ' and the text of the message is just ' I am looking for Jerry Cambuto or Paul Mercer . ' " " Alright . " Raynes spun the laptop around to face Anderson . The text of the reply came from the old address of Jerry Cambuto , jcambuto @ hotmail . com . The reply was just one sentence . " Nice try . " Alex woke , groggy and disoriented . It took him a moment to remember where he was , laying down in the driver 's seat of his car . It had started raining again , and it sounded like he was in a car wash . It was almost dark and the truck next to him had gone away . He looked at his phone and saw that he had been asleep for the better part of eight hours . He felt like he could sleep for eight more and his arm still deeply ached . He returned to the truck stop and took another shower and ate dinner . He felt more awake and more present afterwards , but still like something was missing . He was just paying his check when one of the station attendants walked past him , reeking of unleaded and cigarette smoke . " See you tomorrow , Earl , " he called to a guy behind the counter , who grunted in reply . Alex admitted to himself that he was letting himself be carried away , that he was not acting like himself . But he was a different man now , the kind of man who could respond to a situation as it arose . They wound up several miles outside of town , driving past pastures and the occasional mobile home . The man pulled his truck into one of these , a blasted patch of ground , half dead grass and half naked dirt , a pit bull chained in the yard . Alex drove past , went on for a mile , and then turned around . Past the man 's house he found a wide shoulder where he could leave his car . He took his bag , which now contained his regular tools , plus the gun and the cleaver from the Wozcynski house . As he walked up the driveway , a song returned to his memory , from where , he was not sure . " Freedom 's just another word for nothing left to lose , " he said to himself , rolling the words over in his mouth . For him , in this place , at this time , it felt like the truest words every spoken . He walked up to dog , which stood at the end of its chain , straining and furious , spraying drool . He lifted his gun and held it a foot from the dog 's head , pulling the trigger . The sound , in the open air , was quieter than he would have imagined , and the hole the bullet made above the dog 's left eye , but the exit wound , between the dog 's ears , erupted , and it seemed that Alex was able to see it in slow motion , the back of the dog 's head expanding and then popping , first in white chips of bone , then gray matter , then a fine spray of blood . Alex came without even thinking about it , proceeding towards the front door of the trailer , seeing the dog 's head erupt over and over again , in his mind 's eye . The door flew open and there the attendant stood , out of his gas station coveralls now , dressed only in some baggy , shapeless sweat pants . " What in the - " the man started , but Alex , feeling 10 feet tall and as powerful as a god , placed his hand in the center of the man 's chest and he fell back , arms grabbing at nothing , feet sliding out from underneath him . His head hit the linoleum floor of the entry way with a solid clunk and his eyes rolled up into his head . The man awoke twenty or so minutes later , tied to his narrow , sagging bed , his thin frame straininAlex was able to find a balance between his urgency and his patience , dragging out his time for almost two hours . Then he was tired and hungry again . He found a stack of Hungry Man frozen dinners in the freezer and helped himself to one , the smell of the enchilada 's temporarily overtaking the smell of blood and offal that filled the trailer . He turned on the small television while he ate . He flicked past the Northwest News Channel and briefly heard the word " bodies " as he went past , then quickly returned to the channel . The news scroll on the bottom spoke of new leads in the Auburn murder case , but Alex wasn 't paying any attention to that . He was transfixed by the woman on the screen . He felt that he might have seen her before , but he felt immediately that he knew her and that he would know her even better . The woman was labeled , " Deputy Anderson , Chief Investigator " . They had replaced the dead detective quite quickly , Alex thought to himself . She had short , light brown hair that stood up on the top of her head , somewhere between fashionable and unruly . The bright television lights washed out her skin , making her look almost translucent , and her eyes leapt from her face , large and lamp - like . He finally came out of himself enough to hear her words . She was talking about him , of course . " We are pursuing several leads at this time . Notably , one of the bodies from the site in Auburn has been identified via dental records . This has created a strong line of inquiry for us to follow . The investigation continues and I regret that I cannot take any questions at this time . If you have any information on the Auburn site or the murder of Detective Wozcynski and his family , please contact us at the email address and phone number located on the screen . Thank you . " Alex scoured the trailer but could not find a computer . He was driven to go online and find more about Deputy Anderson . If she had replaced Wozcynski , she must know what she was getting into . And what body had they identified ? All of the homeless veterans he had taken would almost surely never have been reported as missing and going through their dental records would surely be - " Liz , " he whispered . He had known as soon as they discovered the dump site that she would be the big loss , the one that counted , but even at that time he had just taken it personally , he had not stopped to think that she would be the thread that led back to him . The case in Portland had lain fallow for years , but this was something different . What they had so far combined with what there was from Portland . . . But what did that matter now ? He wasn 't hiding , not any more . He found a dusty old taper under the sink and lit it from a stove burner . He used a piece of duct tape to fasten the taper to the side of the kitchen counter , blew out the pilot light , and turned on the oven . He stopped in the yard for a moment to admire his handiwork with the dog . It was dark and the stocky corpse was illuminated only by blue light from the street . The dog looked so peaceful now , restful in spite of the gaping hole in the back of its skull . Alex walked down the side of the street to his car , watching for oncoming traffic . His thoughts returned to the young woman from the television . Anderson was a much more common last name than Wozcynski , sadly , but it was still a place to start . " Deputy Anderson , " he murmured , as he climbed into his car . " Deputy Anderson . " She chastised herself for her first thought as she entered what was left of the Wozcynski residence . She immediately realized that she was another set of clothes that was not likely to recover . The frame of the house itself was sound . There were no holes in the roof or any of the exterior walls . Much of the interior of the living room , where the fire was set , was ruined from the fire and the aftermath of fighting it , but aside from broken windows and the stench , parts of the house seemed completely undamaged . Like her clothes , Anderson wondered if this house was ruined forever . The smell was massive . While the smell at the body dump had seemed somehow light , as it floated in the air on the top of the hill , suspended beneath the trees , this smell seemed captive , and therefore thicker and meaner . A brief mental image flashed through Anderon 's mind of photographs of the aftermath of the holocaust , trolleys , chimneys , ovens . The smell was dark and oily , like a grease fire , with an unexpected and gut churning sweet undertone . An unbidden memory returned to her from the creeping corners of her mind . Longpig . Cannibals , somewhere out of time , had once referred to white colonials that way . Because of how they smelled and tasted . She forced herself to swallow the bile that came creeping up her throat . The living room was where all four bodies had been found . The first fireman into the building , after the small blaze in the living room had been extinguished from outside , had stumbled across Wozcynski 's wife . Things changed rapidly after that . The tour of the house started with the living room . The bodies were lined up with precision , smallest to largest . The coffee table had been moved to one side , where it was a singed and crumbled pile of ash and small shards of blackened wood . The couch , likewise , was largely a ruined relic . Family pictures and other art that had hung on the walls were completely colored by smoke , black or dark gray boxes of blankness . She drug her vision back to the bodies . This was her job . This was what she did . Smallest to largest , largest to smallest . There was a pattern to it . She wondered if there would be patterns upstairs as well . She had so little to go on so far , a pattern could dramatically help her start thinking in the right direction . She still felt so lost , without a place to start , and now this son of a bitch had turned the tables , come right into a cop 's home and butchered the bodies . Because , according to Steele , that 's what had happened . She was brought in to do a preliminary finding because of the urgency of the case and she was able to report that though the bodies were burned , and at best they were still just assuming the bodies was the Wozcynski clan , until there was dental confirmation , all the bodies had suffered trauma . The preliminary findings showed serious dental trauma to the mother , possible gunshot wounds , missing teeth , and several missing digits on the father , and the children . . . " Found one , " she heard someone report as she walked up the stairs . She looked back to see a crime scene tech chalking a circle on the floor where the couch had been . Inside the circle was what appeared to be a finger . At the top of the stairs she followed the strobes of a flash to the master bedroom . The room had been decorated twice . Once by a conscientious resident , matching colors to bedspread and headboard , the second time with sprays of arterial blood , arcing across the ceiling and the walls . A child 's t - shirt , stained red , was crumpled up on the floor next to the bed . The flash continued to blast as the photographer captured the horrific scene . She could see the indent where the small body had lain on the bed , the puddle of blood where the last flow had been captured . It turned her stomach . She returned to the hall and saw another tech exit the next room . She looked inside and saw that it was a girl 's room , posters of cartoon characters and a cork board covered with photos of a grinning girl , maybe five or six , with gaps in her teeth . In this room there was no blood , which was a mercy . Beside the bed was a pink waist cord from a robe , with a loop at each end . Her chin began to quiver , not with held tears , but with rage . On the floor , near the knotted belt , was a small , fuzzy , pink slipper , shorter than Anderson 's hand . She hiccuped audibly and then moved out into the hall . She strode straight ahead , ignoring the crime scene beneath her , making straight for the front door . She continued her stride across the lawn , chest hitching , to the curb where a coroner 's van was waiting . There , she placed her hand against the side of the van , leaned over the gutter , and vomited up her breakfast . The strong smell of coffee hit her tongue going the wrong way and made her wretch again . She spat and gasped to clear her throat , rebelling against further gags , knowing her stomach was empty . " Teresa ? " She turned and there was Florio . She no longer cared about her image or who was watching . She fell into the arms of her dead father 's best friend , her boss , and she wept . Posted by Alex slept . He had seethed as he drove his car south , his hands clenched on the wheel , breathing the scent of diesel on his clothes and hands . His teeth ground against each other and his eyes burned as he drove and drove . When he came to himself , he was almost a hundred miles south , and his jaw ached . He pulled into the first rest stop he found , walked to a quiet picnic area , and spent an hour in penance , doing pushups and crunches until his muscles burned and the smell of his sweat began to compete with the scent of the diesel . Then he pulled himself together , finally realizing that , although it had been dark , he had been driving with blood stains all over his clothing . He mentally castigated himself as he changed his clothes into a fresh set , knowing that the diesel stench might ruin this set of clothes as well . He would have to buy more clothes , but that , at least , would not be an issue . The safe in the Wozcynski 's closet had been open , simply requiring a twist of the handle to open it , and leaving Alex several thousand dollars in cash . He kept driving south until he found a truck stop and pulled in . He entered with his head down and a pack over his shoulder , ignoring the customers and the employees , heading straight for the bathroom facilities . A fistful of quarters got him a shower and when he was done he changed into yet another set of clothes . He wrapped his previous clothes in a trash bag and crammed it into his backpack . Then , against his impulse to keep running , he took the time to shave and put his hair in place . His eyes were a little bloodshot , but otherwise , he looked like just another man from the road , perhaps dressed a little neater than some of the other long - haulers . He took his bag back to his trunk and then returned to the truck stop to eat . He had not thought about eating since . . . he couldn 't remember when . He had eaten the evening before , sometime . A taco salad , he remembered , on the way to his storage unit . That had been a long time ago . He had a double order of biscuits and gravy and drank two glasses of orange juice . When he lifted his right hand to pick up his fork , he was aware of an intense ache in his right shoulder . He hadn 't realized how overworked that arm was after his night 's work . The food hit the bottom of his stomach , the fat and the carbohydrates congealing into a warm , thick porridge . He paid his check in cash from that night 's takings and returned once again to his car . It was now just after 8 a . m . and the sun was piercingly bright , so Alex moved the car into the shadow of a tractor trailer . He recStill , he thought , as he trailed away into sleep , his thoughts beginning to slow , his mind 's racing revving down , it had been worth it . He reflected , drowsily , that he had broken a lot of his personal rules of late and that it certainly seemed that he would continue to do so . Would it continue to be worth it ? If his days were like this one , he felt , then yes , they would be . This was what he should have been doing all along . Not masking who he was at all , but letting himself be who he had really , truly , deeply wanted to be all along . The real person that he let himself be with people like Liz and McConnell , in the moments when the facade of himself he had taken so long to build , when that false face completely fell away . He opened his eyes for a moment , staring at the soft , gray ceiling of his car , realizing that he had just made a breakthrough . That he was becoming something different , something true . He should not be afraid . He should be proud . And grateful . People like Wozcynski had helped him find his truth . That he could no longer live in the shadow of fear , that he would no longer live under the storm cloud of what may be . He would use the time he had to be true to himself in the most complete way possible . T . K . woke up at 6 : 30 in the morning with a heavy , dark taste in her mouth . She 'd been asleep for a little over two hours . Her phone was ringing . She fumbled for its glowing blue screen in the dark , muttering . She shook her head , remembering the man from the day before . She 'd seem him just a few hours ago . She remembered the look on his face when she 'd said she thought Dr . Kelty was innocent . She turned the bedside lamp on . " This hasn 't hit the media yet , we shouldn 't talk about it over the phone . Get up , get out here . I 'll text the address to your phone number , okay ? " She staggered out of bed and into the bathroom . She quickly went through her morning ritual , shower , shave , makeup , clothes . She did this often enough she always had a bag in her car with extra underwear , some changes of clothes , and essential toiletries . She finished up by brushing her teeth and dressing . She repacked her bag and took it with her as she left the hotel room . The hotel room she 'd paid $ 190 for a whopping total of three hours , only two of which had been used to sleep . She 'd talked Wallace into giving her a lift back to her car and she vowed to stay at the first hotel she came to , which happened to be a trendy small one on the verge of Capitol Hill and downtown . The clerk , not used to 4 : 00 a . m . check - ins was bent out of shape about it , but she hadn 't had the energy to give a shit one way or the other . She 'd come upstairs and collapsed , staring at the ceiling in the dark for almost an hour before passing into a troubled sleep . She left the hotel key card on the front desk and went in search of coffee . She found it , easily enough , at a Starbucks just a block away . She grabbed a pastry for breakfast while she was at it and went to find her car . Her phone beeped and she looked up the address in her Washington State map atlas . She had thick volumes for all the Western states in her trunk , figuring they 'd be used eventually . The address was a scant mile from the body dump site . She wondered if the fire Pounds had spoken of had revealed another body dump . The sky was too gray to see any evidence of a fire from any distance , but as she turned the last corner , she saw a decimated building with holes in the roof , seated on a cul - de - sac that was filled with fire trucks , police cruisers , and aid cars . She did a U - turn and parked on the next block , walking back to the burned house through the drizzle . She saw Pounds about the same time he saw her , and they approached each other . " Anderson , " a low voice called out to her , and she turned and saw her boss , Florio , approaching along with detective Wallace . She climbed into the back of a van with the three men , saving her questions . Pounds and Wallace climbed in the back , clearly delegating to Florio , so he sat on the middle bench seat next to Anderson and started . " Do you know where we are ? " " Anderson , someone killed Wozcynski and his family . We assume it was the same unsub as the body dumper . He tried to start a fire in the house , but it didn 't take . The fire was lit next to the bodies , so they have taken some fire damage and the house was filled with smoke , but the guy used a gas tank he found in the garage to start the fire , and it was filled with diesel , so it didn 't blaze up like unleaded would have . Might have saved us a bit of evidence . " " His wife and two children are in the house as well . The whole family was in the living room , but it 's pretty clear that 's not where they were all killed . We brought you in to take a look at the scene because , well . . . " No one wanted to tell her . After a drawn out pause , Wallace spoke . " We should be glad that the bodies in the dump were deteriorated . He left a mess . " It had been so long since Alex had interacted with children he had forgotten what it was like . They were so vulnerable . Long before he had known that while they had their own appeal , they also tended to draw a lot of attention , and the cons outweighed the pros . Tonight though , he was his own man , free to do as he pleased , and it was an illicit thrill to cross that line for the first time in years . The girl had been too young , he decided in the end , as he was digging through the family drawers . He had found the key for the gun lock in the next drawer and the fact that it had been so accessible both thrilled him and frightened him . But now he had a gun and the irony of its potential use was even more exciting . So much of what he did when he chose to spend time with someone was based on the conversations they had . True , much of it was mewling and begging and meaningless interludes like that , but the gems of sentience that popped up in between , the words of wisdom , the treasured memories , the desperation , they were as much of the appeal for him as the moment when the life finally escaped the body after trying so very hard to stay . The girl 's age had prevented him from deriving this pleasure from her death , so in the end it had been fairly perfunctory . Alex wondered if there was not a corollary between the length of a life lived and the value placed on it . He thought back . Had the oldest lives he had taken been the ones that had tried to hold on the most ? He felt sure that if that were the case he would have noticed long before now . The first veteran was older and was appealing because he got away with it , not because of any particular quality of the victim . The boy had been a fighter and Alex had enjoyed that . Again , the conversation was limited , the boy seemed to understand his station very quickly and had seemed to simply decide to give Alex as little satisfaction as possible . Somehow , perversely , that had been satisfying on some strange level as well . He did not try to understand it , but it pleased him . Now , briefly at least , the house belonged to Alex and he could do what he wanted . He realized , on some level , that his life had shifted substantially . He was not on the offensive , invading spaces , taking lives he would have never considered just 24 hours ago . There would be ways to cover his tracks , but even those would draw some kind of attention , attention he most certainly would not have welcomed before . Now he shivered , delighted at the planning that would be required as a consequence of his new activities . Once he had explored the house , poking into all the corners , discovering the private , hidden secrets of the house , he began to prepare for the detective 's homecoming . The family had been the necessary step , a wonderful one , to be sure , but a step , not the destination . Sometime soon the police officer with the preposterous last name would come home and Alex would be waiting . He had found new toys in the kitchen that he 'd never used before and he had created a space in the living room to work in . He would get the drop on Wozcynski , he knew , as he sat on the couch , waiting for the ring of keys outside the front door . The porch light was off , an innocent enough thing for a man coming home in the middle of the night , but it was enough to disguise the chips that were missing from the door due to Alex 's violent entrance . The coffee table held his toys , his tools , his chosen implements , and he vowed to himself that even if the detective didn 't last long , he would get to use every one of them . There was the gun , of course , bolt cutters from the garage , heavy kitchen scissors , a small cleaver , and the tool that excited him the most : A battery operated Sawzall , a poweHeadlights splashed through a hole in the curtains and stabbed the wall behind Alex , illuminating a family portrait . Due to the late , or early , he supposed , hour , he felt sure it must be the detective . He smiled in the dark , waiting for the sound of the keys . |
" I don 't know . Grandpa went over there to use the phone and he told me to stay with him , but I got sleepy , so I came over here and lay down . Then when I woke up , he was gone . I looked and looked , but I couldn 't find him , " the words tumbled out . " You both did what you thought was right . Unfortunately , neither of you thought ahead . This killer is on to you . He knows all about you . That 's why this has been so difficult . How and why he knows , I can 't say . But now that Ricer 's been taken , it 's time for me to get involved . I 'll get Ricer back . You two deal with the others , " Elliot ordered . " I think there 's more than one killer , " Nicole explained . " I chased one out of the library but lost him in traffic . Then I saw another one atop a four - story building not seconds after losing him . I was supposed to think this was the work of one person , but no one could move that fast . There 's got to be at least two . " " Someone who has had contact with us before . Otherwise , how would he know anything about us ? Ever since we started this train thing , I 'm been worried that one day we 'd run into an old enemy or contact , " Michael confessed . A few minutes later they were out on the street . The sun had gone down and traffic was light . People headed home from work while night crews arrived to start their shifts and restaurants and clubs filled up with patrons ready for a night out on the town . Michael stood on the curb and closed his eyes , listening to the city . Most manhunts start in the city or somewhere near the scene of the crime . Police may quickly set up roadblocks and establish checkpoints . In the city , you will have difficulty finding your way through the maze of streets without running into law enforcement , but since rural areas are too expansive for the police to search thoroughly , the country is a better place to hide out . They were far away from the country , so Michael marked that possibility off the list . Step 3 : Stay away from all motels within a fifty - mile radius of your escape . Usually the first place the police will check is parking lots for stolen or out - of - state license plates . They will question the motel staff to find out if anyone matching your description has recently checked in . If you have no choice but to stay in a motel , avoid the low - rent ones and stay in expensive ones instead . Police are more likely to check low - rent motels , assuming you have little to no cash . Always pay in cash or use prepaid credit cards . It was about 8 o ' clock in the morning when Ryan Hayes left the hospital . He would let Nathan into Elisabeth 's penthouse in Sandy Grotto then grab some of his daughter 's things before heading back to the hospital . The doctor had said she was on the mend , but right now she needed her dad . " I know it 's a bit much , " Hayes said as he opened the penthouse door , " but it 's my little girl 's first place of her own . I admit I spoil her , but what can I say ? She 's all I have left . " " Polished wood floors in the living room , carpet in the bedrooms , and marble tile in the kitchen and bathrooms , " Hayes announced . " At 3400 square feet , my girl 's got lots of room . If she had asked , I 'd probably have bought two . The main bedroom is Elisabeth 's , but there are two spare bedrooms . Choose whichever one you want . I have groceries delivered , and a cleaning service comes in every two weeks . " " It is ! Anyway , I 'm talking your ear off . I 'm going to throw a few things in a suitcase and get back to Elisabeth . Do you have anything to unpack ? " Hayes asked . " I insist ! It 's the least I can do . Mind you if you refuse , I 'll just have to guess your size , " Hayes laughed . " You look exhausted , Nathan . Go get some rest . I 'm just going to jump in the shower then get back to the hospital . I 'll lock up behind me , " Hayes smiled , patting Nathan 's shoulder . While Hayes headed off for Elisabeth 's room , Nathan chose one of the spare bedrooms and collapsed on the bed without bothering to take off his shoes . Glancing at the clock , he saw the blue digital numbers change to 9 : 00 a . m . He was out before 9 : 01 . When Nathan came to , he was lying on the hood of a car looking up . The clouds were a mix of black and deep blue . His head ached , his joints were sore , and he felt as though a great weight were pressing down on him . Slowly he sat up and saw that he was dressed in combat fatigues and a gas mask with a rifle at his side . Dead bodies and stalled cars filled the streets , and the pavement was buckled and cracked . Some buildings lay in piles of rubble while others stood undamaged . Nathan slid off the car , bracing himself against the hood as he struggled to stand under the weight of the gear . When he walked around to the side of the car , he glanced at his reflection in the glass . Lifting the gas mask , he was shocked to discover that the face staring back at him was not his own . " Don 't be stupid , rookie ! You know what 's going on . Captain wants to brief us before we move out , and I was sent to find your dumb butt , " Gold complained as he lead Nathan through the store 's aisles past armed soldiers standing guard in pairs . " Why do I get stuck with the idiots ? " Gold grumbled as he walked through a pair of swinging back doors into the storage area . Standing before a large map facing a platoon of soldiers was Captain Stanley Dukes . " At 0100 hours , a scout returned with intel on more food and supplies . I don 't have to tell you how important this is . The enemy is heavily guarding this location , so we 're going to split into teams . Team Alpha will make a direct assault while Team Beta and Charlie will hit the flank . Team Delta will move in from the back and engage any targets guarding the supplies . We need this win , men , so stay focused and don 't be a hero . Follow orders and we will win this day . " A door opened behind Nathan , and he felt himself move involuntarily as another enemy soldier charged in firing his weapon . Nathan spun then ducked , dodging a spray of automatic gunfire . Without looking , he reached out and fired his rifle at the soldier , killing him and two more who ran in behind him . Up into the sky the figure flew then dropped down onto the roof of a greenhouse . When a door opened , Nathan was dragged in . After a hiss of air , a second door opened and the figure tossed Nathan inside . " No time for questions , Nathan . I have a message from you . This is not a dream ; this is real . The butterfly was released and we 're fighting for our lives against Dr . Gishlain and his army . You made a terrible mistake , and now it 's time to wake up and fix it . Do you hear me , Nathan ? " Elisabeth asked . Nathan snapped awake in bed at Elisabeth 's penthouse where he had fallen asleep . He looked at the clock . It was 9 : 30 a . m . " Nathan ? " Hayes called as he walked into the room . " I heard you thrashing about in here . " Did you have a nightmare , son ? Is everything all right ? " " We 've been ordered to stand down and let you try an approach alone . Remember that Crandall is armed and he 's already fired at officers . There 's no safe way to do this . " Crandall stood at the window , looking out . Ray saw that he gripped a pistol in his hand . When he looked around the room , Ray spotted a 2008 calendar on the wall . " By that time , you were just an annoyance that should have been paid off , even though you thought you were too good for that . But what you did at the carnival , I 'll never forgive . She was mine . How could you have done such a thing ? " As Ray went down , Crandall felt a pang of relief . He knew the cops would be breaking down the door any moment , but he didn 't care . When movement from the bathroom caught his eye , he whirled around to see Captain Bonkers step out . " You 've been out for a couple of days . The doctor said the bullet didn 't hit any vital organs . He said you 're lucky to be alive , especially given your advanced age , " Deborah replied . Just then the door opened and Mavis stepped into the room . Her auburn hair fell forward , covering her red eyes and splotched face . When she looked at Ray , fresh tears washed down her cheeks . Magdalene was King 's only daughter . Shortly after his wife died in a plane crash , he had enrolled Magdalene in a private school in Switzerland . With King 's promise of a sizeable donation to the school , the headmaster had promised to keep a close eye on her . King made a note to punish the man for not telling him she had left . He followed Granger to a private visitor 's cell . When Granger opened the door , King saw that another guard had been posted inside the waiting room . The black stubble on his face made him look dark and angry . As though frozen in place , his arms were crossed as his cold black eyes stared straight ahead . Although he stood at an angle behind one of the chairs , King could see part of his name tag . His first name looked like it was Joseph . " She told me what she found out about you . About your business . Then the next thing you know , the plane she 's on goes down suddenly . Engine trouble they said . " When the door closed behind her , Magdalene walked away in peace , her eyes straight ahead . This was finally over . The guards nodded as she passed by moving down the hallway toward the exit . Suddenly from the room where she had left her father , she heard him yell , Late in the middle of the night in a condemned , burned out house , the front door slowly opened . Roaches scurried across the floor , disappearing under the baseboard . The floor creaked beneath his feet as Captain Bonkers stepped into the room . He walked through the house and out to the back porch where he started up a small generator . Reaching down to grab the attached extension cord , he pulled it inside the house and lay it on the floor next to an old chair , its stuffing spilling out through the scorched fabric . Years earlier , the house had caught fire and suffered extensive damage before firefighters arrived on the scene . As he watched the screen , the white light danced across his cold dead eyes beneath the clown mask . He pressed the play button and a video started , a video of his boy surrounded by friends celebrating his birthday at a pool party . The boy looked up at the camera with a big smile and said , It had the makings of a perfect day as Ray eased back onto the cushioned rocking chair . Across the room , Deborah rested on the couch , a pillow at the small of her back , with Pete her protector curled up beside her . Tommy whistled in the kitchen as he made tea and sandwiches for everyone . Just then the key turned in the lock and Richard walked in . Richard quickly got up and answered it . Leaning against the doorpost , trying to catch her breath , was Mavis . She was disheveled , as though she had dressed in a great hurry and neglected to brush her hair . As the gunman ran through the library , Nicole kept after him . She couldn 't get a good look at his face with the cap pulled down over his head . Like a gazelle , he bounded down the stairs taking three and four at a time . When he hit the first floor lobby , he ran through a large group of people without slowing then exploded through the front doors , flipping forward over the stairs and hitting the pavement in a full sprint . Nicole kept him in her sights , knowing he 'd tire before she . Across an open courtyard and around a fountain the gunman ran without slowing . Nicole easily cleared the fountain and was just gaining ground when the killer entered a tunnel that ran from the courtyard to the street . The well - lit tunnel was empty except for a woman walking with her small child . Nicole pushed herself , picking up speed . If the killer held the woman at gunpoint , Nicole knew she 'd have him . She was a crack shot and never missed her target . Suddenly , the killer headed towards the mother , unaware of the danger , and dipped , scooping up the child in his arm and snatching her away . " Noble causes aside , you can 't protect someone if you 're nowhere near them . Leaving them in a safe location instead of dragging them into a firefight may feel like the right thing , but when things go bad as they usually do , you 'll be nowhere near them to help . Now because I 'm busy helping you , there 's no one watching out for the others , " Elliot argued . Once he found a phone , he told Lucy to stay beside him while he made a call . He dialed 911 and waited for an operator to answer . When she came on the line , he told her about the woman 's body , what had happened , and explained that he only got a glimpse of the man as he fled the library . She told him to wait on the line , but he quickly ended the call . " I 'm so sorry , John , " he said with remorse . He had stopped Stafford from releasing the virus but couldn 't save his life . Without looking back , Charlene Reynolds walked out of the room , yelling at someone on her phone as she left . Nathan saw no point in stopping her . Besides , he was far too focused on Elisabeth , her injuries . He stood up and walked over to the ladder that would take him down to her . At the last step , he paused then slowly moved past Horton 's dead body and an unconscious Morton , slumped against the wall where Elisabeth had flung him . " Back there when I was talking you up to face Stafford , you said ' before I came to Starfall . ' So what 's Starfall ? " Elisabeth asked again . " The timeline seems to be secure after the changes you made , but death is a sore loser , " Ethan explained . " Elisabeth was supposed to die this night , but you saved her . Death is not pleased by your interference . He may seek to reclaim Elisabeth or whoever was near her at the appointed time of her death . Either you or Jericho may die . " " Hopefully , their lives will be enough , " Ethan said . " But if death is dissatisfied , you must be on your guard . Your fight may not be over . " " I think so , " Nathan said . " This all started when I was struck by lightning . I figure this is all just an elaborate dream . I 'm probably lying in a hospital bed somewhere . " " I know , " Nathan said , giving Jericho his full attention . " What I mean is , it really is mine . Whatever force brought me here apparently felt I needed transportation . " In the waiting room of Evergreen Medical Hospital , the first rays of the sun were just peeking through the mini blinds of the frosted windows . Nathan had been up all night , drinking hospital coffee as he struggled to stay awake . He waited with Jericho and Elisabeth 's father Ryan Hayes for news of Elisabeth . " The bullet to her right wing went straight through . She 's already on the mend and should be able to use the wing again within a few days . Other than some minor bruising , she will be good as new in no time , " the surgeon said . Captain Bonkers strode past Ray , taking out one guard after another before they could react , while Ray along with Tyler , Tommy , and Rory kept out of sight . Ray knew they would be safe as long as they stayed out of the way . After a few minutes , the gunfire stopped and a sickening hush fell over the hallway . Gathering courage , Ray and Rory risked a peek from behind the boxes . " Rory , I need your help with this . I think Bonkers was letting us in on his plan . He 's going to distract the guards while you and I go after King . " Up in his office , Bradford King grabbed a couple of bags and started filling them with cash . The cops were crawling all over the place , and Bonkers was probably in the building . Everything was falling apart and he had only a few minutes to get out before he was dragged under . King left the pistol in its holster then pulled his hand back and slipped the key from the lock . He knew the name Raymond Slats . Slats was a retiree whose personal hobby was pestering King 's associates . " Mr . Slats , this is not a good time . I 'm on my way out , " King said , shifting his weight . " I 'd ask how you got up here , but at this point , it doesn 't matter . " By this time , King was close enough to Ray to see past him . A few feet back , weapons drawn , stood Captain Bonkers . Next to him lay an unconscious man , one of King 's bodyguards . " You have more tricks up your sleeve than I have given you credit for . And to think this was all your doing . I didn 't know you were involved in mass murder . " " Any charges leveled against me won 't keep . You know that . I 'll have to make some hefty donations , but they 'll send me to some comfy resort with bars while I think about the error of my ways . " Up on the roof , Bonkers balanced himself on the ledge as officers tried to talk him down . Ray noticed that Bonkers seemed a little woozy . Suddenly , Bonkers raised his pistol . " Sir , " an officer called out as he approached . " We found David Crandall . He 's hold up in a motel room . Swears he 'll shoot anybody who tries to enter except . . . " " There 's no other way , Richard . I 've been waiting for this moment for a long time , " Ray sighed . " It 's time to end it . " Even though driving around in circles may seem like a good way to lose the cops in a chase , it 's not . Police officers spend a lot of time in the city and are in communication with other officers and districts . Law enforcement agencies will put out an All Points Bulletin , casting a citywide net if need be . Focus on a point and aim for it . Detour if necessary , but have a destination in mind . It will keep you from being turned around . Michael raced down the street dodging cars and running lights . He knew that thousands of car chases ended in tragedy or capture , so he needed to lose the police officers quickly and ditch the car . Aiming for the outskirts of town , Michael kept driving east . Worst - case scenario , he would drive the car into the river and hopefully lose them in the bay . Racing through an intersection during a police chase , narrowly avoiding the cross traffic , may seem dramatic , but intersections , especially high traffic ones , are the most likely place to be caught or killed . People tend to focus on their own plans , where they are going , what they will do . They fail to consider others , to be environmentally aware . It is best to drive as though no one can see you so you never expect someone to get out of your way . This driving style is far more defensive and will increase your chances of getting safely through traffic . Up ahead Michael saw an intersection , so he slowed and planned his next move . A sign just under the traffic light pointed left indicating an upcoming tunnel to the airport . Michael cut the wheel hard and turned at the intersection , following the signs . Driving faster and outmaneuvering the police isn 't always enough to keep from being caught . A resourceful officer might request that a police helicopter be brought into the chase , providing a law enforcement presence in the air . Air support is an overwhelming advantage for ground officers because the aircrew can keep you in sight . No matter where you drive , how fast , or how well , they will alert the ground force as to your location . To outsmart the helicopter crew , you will need to seek cover , places the helicopter cannot track you . Michael flew into the tunnel , moving as quickly as traffic would allow . He turned on his low beams and tried not to get too close to the vehicle in front of him . He knew his speed was too fast for the confined space , but he had to exit the tunnel before the police could seal off the other end . Up ahead two cars were stopped , blocking off one of the lanes . The drivers were out of their cars , arguing over a fender bender . Michael slid to a stop , hopped out of the ' 66 Chevelle SS , threw the keys to the nearest of the two drivers , and slid into the lead car , a red Volkswagen bug . As he pulled away , the driver yelled in surprise , chasing Michael for a few feet . When he drove out of the tunnel , he passed two police officers on the road . Heading for the airport , he knew he didn 't have much time before the cops discovered he was driving a red Volkswagen bug . If he could just get to the airport 's long - term parking lot , he would have plenty of vehicles to choose from . After pulling in to airport parking , he drove past the front doors , catching the attention of an officer . When the officer yelled for him to stop , Michael stepped on the gas . As he flew past the rows of cars with the officer in pursuit , a van pulled out in front of him . Unable to stop in time , Michael struck the side of the van . He leapt out , made sure the driver was not injured , then ran into the airport . Within minutes , airport security had joined the chase . Michael shot across the terminal but stopped halfway . By now , the airport was crawling with security and police , and Michael was getting desperate . He noticed a small door less than 5 feet to his right . Hoping it opened into a tunnel to the runway , he hurried over and pulled the door open . On the other side of the door was a small room , less than 30 square feet . When he stepped back out of the room , a gunshot rang out , forcing him to dart back inside . He closed the door and began a frantic search for another way out of the room . Any second now , the cops would pull open the door and arrest or shoot him . He felt like a trapped rat . Heart racing , Michael told himself not to panic . As he tried to decide what to do , suddenly the door opened . Dr . Ricer and Nicole headed down the street to the pharmacy to get directions to the public records office . As she scribbled directions on a scrap of paper , the woman at the front cash register told them it was across the street from the public library . With Lucy in tow , they thanked the woman and stepped outside to hail a cab . Ten minutes later , they stood in front of the public records office . While Nicole worked her way through city records , Ricer headed for the library to research the history of the neighborhood . Although the library was full of patrons , Ricer stopped reading when he suddenly felt an uncomfortable presence nearby . Ricer met her eyes , and when she saw his fear , she drew her weapon . Squaring her shoulders , she raised her gun and turned . Suddenly the man bolted from his hiding place and ran for the exit . As Nicole chased after the gunman , Ricer hurried over to check on Lucy . When he looked into the aisle where the man had been hiding , he saw a woman lying on the floor in a pool of blood . As Nathan inched his way toward John Stafford , his boots clicked on the metal walkway suspended above rows of large tanks containing hazardous waste marked for disposal . His back turned toward Nathan , Stafford and his hostage Charlene Reynolds were cornered at the other end of the walkway with nowhere to go . Nathan took a deep breath and slowly let it out as he cautiously drew closer . " I know exactly what you 're going through . Graduated third in your class . When you were hired by Thymatec , the largest pharmaceutical company in Crescent Bay , you felt you had accomplished your dream . You had the job you wanted , and now you could go ahead and propose to your girlfriend . You finally had something to offer her , a solid future , " Nathan said . " Joanne was the prettiest girl you 'd ever seen , wasn 't she ? Athletic , charming . No wonder everyone loved her . Yet for some crazy reason , she only had eyes for you . " " That was until she got sick . No one could have predicted how fast it would spread . Before Joanne could plan her perfect wedding , you had to plan her funeral . It was the worst time in your life . You were heartbroken , defeated , vulnerable . That 's when he approached you . " " He promised he could help . All you had to do was make some arrangements , see that a few people were hired . Nothing serious . Just one man trying to make a difference . You believed what he said , what he wanted . It wasn 't until you were in too deep that you realized you had sold your soul to a monster . " " When my parents died , I was barely out of high school . Lost and drifting , I almost drove my life into the ditch . But then I met a man who saved me . He straightened me out , taught me how to cope with loss , and even got me my first real job . He was a surrogate father to me , my mentor . I looked up to him until the day I realized he was using me . The only reason he helped me get the job was so that he could steal a diamond exchange . I was so buried in trouble I couldn 't see a way out that wouldn 't land me in jail . Somehow I found the courage to turn against him and call the cops . The judge gave me probation while he was sent to prison . " " Joanne . I know . He promised he could bring her back . But , John , think about the clones that work for him . Anyone he brought back would be just as dedicated to him as they are . She would look like Joanne , but she wouldn 't be Joanne , " Nathan explained . Elisabeth knew she couldn 't reach Horton in time to keep him from shooting Nathan , so she had to stop him some other way . But before she could pull out her pistol , Morton was on her . He grabbed her hands and squeezed until she cried out in pain . Knowing that Elisabeth was fighting for her life beneath the walkway made it hard for Nathan to stay focused on Stafford . Appealing to him seemed to be working , but then suddenly everything clicked in Nathan 's mind and he saw what was coming . He had only seconds to act . As Morton 's grip tightened on Elisabeth , she pulled back her hands , forcing him to tumble off balance towards her . Pushing her head forward , she struck his jaw with her forehead and heard a satisfying crack . Morton quickly released her hands and held his broken jaw . It was early morning as Ray drove the Cadillac down a twisting gravel road . Rory had made himself comfortable in the passenger seat , and Pete was settled down beside Ray . In the back , Roddy pressed his nose against the glass of the lowered window , enjoying the wind on his face . Ray sighed deeply . Nash had been up to his eyeballs in the cover - up of Bonkers ' murdered family . When Ray found out about it a few months ago , he figured Bonkers might come after Nash . He should have done something , said something . But at the time , he had been focused on other things . How many more people would die because of Captain Bonkers ? " Hold him , Ray , " Richard said , handing over Pete . " Normally , his antics are amusing , but I know what he 's after and I can 't let him loose . This is a crime scene . " " Evelyn Caine is dead . Her remains were found this morning by a farmer who owns this property . He was out checking the fence when he found her . " " The coroner 's not finished yet but looks like she was shot twice , once with an arrow , then torn apart by dogs . Animal control 's still searching the property . So far , they 've rounded up six of them . " Forty - five minutes later , they waited outside Bradford King 's office building . Police officers filled the parking lot as the SWAT moved forward , waiting for Clive Morgan 's orders . His brow furrowed , Ray looked at Richard and asked , " Sorry . I 'm not just keeping a promise to Deborah . I can 't guarantee your safety inside . Stay here or I 'll have to arrest you , " Richard warned . " How is that possible ? We had just gotten here off the train when things started changing . How could he have known what we were up to ? " Dr . Ricer asked . Although you may be tempted , ditching a car for the stealthy approach is a bad idea while the police are after you . Wait until you 've lost them . The cops and environment may try to slow you down , but stopping is a certain death sentence . Slow down as necessary but avoid stopping at all costs . Keep moving and always have an exit plan . " If it 's necessary . But I don 't believe that 'll stop the killer . What is it about these places that 's drawing him ? " Nicole wondered . |
It was 7 : 15 am when I told Bill to get up and get going . He must have not heard his alarm ? Ping was sleeping when I got up . I had to drag myself out of a coma . It took me forever to wake up the sleeping princess . Finally I had to start barking at her to get moving . We had like 10 minutes to get dressed , get our teeth brushed , get our coats and bags and get into the car . I dropped her off at 8 : 30 am , not 8 : 15 am . She wasn 't late per se . I went to swim and joined my class 15 minutes late . I hate when days start like this . I swore on the way to swimming , that I was going to learn how to go to bed earlier . Yeah , like that is going to happen ! ! ! After I picked Ping up , we went to lunch with Jenn and her two beauties . Ping was happy to see Sam and Jillian . We had a nice lunch . Ping only went to the bathroom twice I think and Sam went four times . Good thing they don 't charge for bathroom usage ! We came straight home after lunch . I had a few calls to make and I was eager to have Ping try on the last of her last seasons clothes . She wasn 't in the mood . I asked her if we could try the clothes on and she looked down at her Princess dress and say " hmmmm , ohhhhh " in a really sad way . So I told her to forget about it and we would get to it another day . She said " okay , I am sorry Mama . " It was so sweet . She was apologizing to me for not wanting to try on her clothes ! She can be so darn cute ! ! ! ! About an hour earlier , she was watching her new Barbie Princess movie and came running to me in my office crying her little eyes out . She was so devastated by something . I kept asking what happened , but she couldn 't discuss it . She kept getting hysterical . She finally said that something happened in the movie . That is what I figured . She gets very upset if someone is mean or if someone gets hurt in her TV shows or videos . She is so sensitive and sweet . She has a beautiful heart . So when she didn 't seem to embrace trying on clothes , I couldn 't push the issue . Later on in the night , Ping was wearing her Princess shoes and she came flying in thPosted by Yesterday we took Ping to see the Easter Bunny at the Hebert Candy Mansion . She didn 't mind sitting on his lap . She also didn 't mind walking around the place and picking things up for herself . She picked up a Max and a Ruby stuffed animal . I said to Bill " I think one is good enough . " Bill didn 't agree . So of course the princess got both . She also got a small ladybug and 4 long candy sticks . I just walked around laughing and saying quietly behind her " whatever you want Ping , no worries . " HELLO ? ? ? ? ? It 's adorable because she doesn 't act like she is entitled to it . I don 't think she thinks she is entitled to it . She loves to hold stuff , so she just bounces around and gathers things . Well I haven 't gotten her anything really for Easter yet , so I figured she could have these items . Better than candy for her ! After we left there we headed to Norwood , which is an hour away . Our dear friend Maura is in town from Arizona and she wanted to see us . So we picked her up and went out to lunch . It was great seeing her . We sat in the bar section of the restaurant . That wasn 't a big deal as it was a Sunday afternoon , but we did have a bunch of Irish people next to us . Maura actually knew some of them . They would occasionally pop over and talk to us . They got a kick out of Ping . Ping also thought it was her job to clean up any spills Maura made and also to throw away any used napkins . So she would go to the trash barrel she found and then back . Twice she slipped in her shoes and fell on her butt . We laughed , she laughed and everyone at the bar laughed . They really enjoyed her and kept telling her how cute she was . Very strong brogues on some of them , so I am not sure Ping caught what they were saying . However , at one point a woman said to Ping " How would you like to buy some candy tomorrow ? " Ping was all over that ! So the woman handed her a $ 5 . 00 and said it was from the guy next to her . He was part of their group . You would have thought she was handed a million dollars . She was so excited . Her entire face lit up and she smiled thiPosted by The tones go off and Bill needs to rush to the fire station . Unfortunately , the tones woke up Ping and me too ! It 's a pretty piercing noise in the dark at 3 am . Ping wanted to stay awake . I had no desire to do that . She was sitting straight up in bed asking where Snazzy Kitty was . She wanted to know when Daddy would be home . She said she missed Daddy . Meanwhile , I am like " huh , eh , what ? " I hadn 't been asleep that long when the tone came in . I don 't remember when Bill came home . The next thing I know is that it is light out and Ping is annoying the hell out of Bill . I don 't know what she was doing , but he was getting hurt . She must have been crawling on him . She wanted him to get up . It was breakfast time . I passed back out because now I am having a terrible dream that the three of us went back to China . Ping was driving Bill crazy , so he opened the limo door and let her out to fend for herself . I was asleep in the limo , so I didn 't see him do it . Why the hell are we in China and in a limo ? I have no idea . Anyway , people find out that he let Ping out and so they write us up . They also bring their friends by to see if they want to adopt her . They said we will never get out of the country with her because our names are flagged . More importantly , I want to find Ping and I want to know why Bill let her out of the limo ! It was a very crazy dream . I can not begin to tell you how real it was . I was so sad and sick over losing Ping , I thought I was going to throw up . I finally jolted myself awake at 10 : 30 am . I look over and there is Bill . I immediately wake him and say " Where is Ping , go check on Ping please ? I couldn 't move fast enough because I was in a terrible fog from the dream . She was downstairs watching TV . I guess she got really frustrated with Daddy not feeding her because Bill found 6 cracked eggs in a frying pan on the stove . The stove was not on . Bill said she didn 't even make a mess . She must have had a hoodsie cup or two as well since her nightgown was brown all over . I noticed that when she came upstairsPosted by Ping didn 't wake up when I did . When I gently tried to wake her up , all she did was bunch herself into a ball more than she already was . She slept till after 9 am . I didn 't take her to school again . I missed swimming and Fridays are the best . Oh well , the Pingster needed her rest . She has been waking up a lot in the evening . I think it may be due to her cough . Bill says that I am teaching her " truancy " because I am not taking her to school . I feel bad about her missing school . She loves it . She loves here teachers . She will be there Monday . So we stayed in all day , but we did a lot of things . I finished up my photo project . YAY ! ! ! ! ! ! Unfortunately it is not the way I would ideally like to do it , but I don 't know as if I could do it properly and that is to put it in chronological order . So I am trying to stop being a perfectionist and just be happy with what I have done . It 's nagging me though . In addition to that , I had Ping try on every outfit that is in her bureau drawers . I knew she had to have grown out of a lot of her outfits and sure enough she did ! So I folded up all of the pants and shirts that she outgrew and I am about to put them into a big plastic container that Bill brought upstairs for me . I will have Bill bring down her Spring - Summer clothes soon . I can then have Ping try on all of that stuff and see what needs to be packed away . I am struggling with what to do with the stuff . I know a few people with younger girls and they could use Ping 's stuff . On the other hand , we are looking to adopt again and we aren 't sure of the age of the child we may be blessed with . We don 't know of the sex either ! So I am thinking that we will keep the clothes and when and if another child comes into our lives , we will make a decision then to pass them on if we don 't need them . Some of the items still have the tags on them . She never got around to wearing all of the clothes I bought her ! ! ! ! ! ! We did do a quick errand late this afternoon , but that was it as far as venturing out ! It was a quiet night . Well off to put the pPosted by Well the alarm went off this morning . I looked over at Ping and she was out cold . She is usually up humming and dancing . So I decided to let her sleep . She woke up at 8 : 30 . I didn 't take her to school today . Between the drippy nose and the coughing , I think she really needed the rest . When she did get up , she was full of energy , so the cold isn 't getting her down . So no swimming for me and no school for her . I worked a little on the photo project that is taking me forever to accomplish . I have a lot more to do still . I am determined to get it done though . Around 2 : 30 , I decided to sit with Ping while she watched Swan Lake . She was fidgety , so it wasn 't exactly pleasant to sit with her . I did end up falling asleep for a short time . Not sure why I fell asleep . I woke with a terrible headache this morning and I guess I thought closing my eyes would be a good thing to do ? The nap was short lived due to Ping bouncing around . Bill came home at 5 pm and I ran out the door for a massage . My neck has been bugging me , so I booked an appointment for myself . I then went to Walmart for something . That was a bust because they didn 't have what I needed . I was only there for a few minutes , but long enough to run into someone I didn 't want to . I came around the corner and all of a sudden another customer and myself started playing cart footsie . You know , when you go one way and they do and so you switch and then they do ? ? ? ? Well after that was over , which was a mere 2 seconds , I looked at her and realized it was my cousin . Not sure if she ever looked up before I had . When I did , she wasn 't looking at me . So maybe she never did . We both went our own ways . Then of course I had to watch where I went because I did not want to see her again . I did , but she didn 't see me . At least I don 't think she did . I came home to find the house a mess and Bill and Ping sitting on my chair in the living room . Why can 't these two keep the house neat for 1 hour ? Really , is it a total hardship ? ? ? Very frustrating . Bill and Ping went to bed and I calledPosted by Ping had a great day today . After school , we came home and she had a quick lunch . I then took her ice skating . We met Ayi Mindy and Ciara at the rink . I wasn 't sure how this would go because the last time I took Ping skating , she hated it and was scared to death . Today she went right out on the ice with no hesitation . That is my girl ! I was so excited to watch her . I thought she did fantastic . Ayi Mindy taught her how to march and how to get up from a fall . She fell quite a bit on her butt . She didn 't seem to care though . She got right back up . She barely even struggled to get up . For the most part , she got up really easily . I was sort of shocked . I was so proud of her . I am looking forward to taking her again . Mindy teaches ice skating to little ones at various rinks . Given Ping 's fear the first time , I was really hoping she wouldn 't be as scared because she knows Ayi Mindy really well . It worked . I took a few photos , but none have them all looking . I didn 't want to distract them from what they were doing . I love ice skating , but didn 't get on the ice today . I am not comfortable at this point to get out there . I am concerned about my balance . I was sad that I couldn 't . It killed me not to be able to but if I can 't , I can 't . Maybe in the future . I always worked full time , so I could never go to a rink during the day . Now I can and I can 't get out there . Cruel irony ? Ping had a bath tonight and then slipped into bed . I thought she would immediately pass out from all of her exercise , but she didn 't . I watched an awful movie . Waste of time . Well that is really all there is to share . Take care . Mama Out ! ! ! ! Hold on baby . Mindy having the girls march . Boom . March and balance girls . Coming in for a landing . Ping woke up with Daddy this morning . She had 15 minutes by herself before I got up . In that time , she fed the cats 5 plates of cat food and she got into the White Out again . Yes , it was hidden . She found it . I have since put it in my filing drawer . She knows better , so I am not sure why she felt compelled to do these things this morning . I am locking my office tonight . It 's not like I have all this stuff at my desk . It 's hidden , high up , put away , etc . She is resourceful , what else can I say . So she lost her Princess dresses for the day . She was okay with that . No tears shed , no pouting , ziltch . Hmmm , maybe I need to come up with something better here ! ! ! ! ! Ping has a cold . She has been fighting it for a week or so now . Not a big deal . I just hate hearing her poor little cough . Her nose is running like a faucet as well . I can 't wait till we have a break from all of this . That won 't come till summer . April vacation is approaching though . Not sure what we are going to do for that , but I will probably book stuff for the entire week . Better have something to do or she will start rearranging the furniture on me ! After picking up Ping from school , I had to go to Worcester City Hall . I had a parking ticket I decided to fight and today was my little hearing . I won . It wasn 't really worth the drive there and having to referee Ping while explaining my side of the story , but I felt the ticket was unfair and I wasn 't going to pay it without a fight . After all , that is what they want . We spent the rest of the day at home . I had some scanning to do . Ping was really tired and decided to snuggle on my chair . At one point , I thought I was going to fall asleep while doing my project , so I decided to join Ping in the chair . I ended up passing out . I didn 't sleep well last night , so I needed a cat nap . Sometimes it is indeed worth napping . It energizes me for the evening and I can get a lot done . I did too . We put out some Easter decorations . We also put the pictures in the attic . Did a few other things too . Now I need to go to bed or Posted by Went swimming as usual today . Very irritating morning there . I am the youngest female in the pool . Most of the women are elderly . They have grandchildren and go to Florida and stay for months at a time . They are really sweet and I enjoy them . Today though , there were 4 little groups that would not shut up . It 's not uncommon for them to talk during the entire class . Normally I don 't mind . They are catching up and having a great time . I just wish they would be a tad more respectful of the instructor and the folks around them . When you have two groups of 3 on one side and two groups of 2 or 3 on the right , it can drive anyone batty . I just wish they would talk a little softer ! ! ! ! ! So when the class was over , I eagerly jumped out and got dressed . Maybe it 's just too early in the morning for me ? Lol . I ran to Walmart and the post office and then home to shower before picking up Ping at school . She is currently learning about dinosaurs . She loves school and she learns so much there . It is truly amazing what she is learning . I can see her growing regularly in both intelligence and height ! This morning she looked at my nail polish and said " Mama , that matches my Tinkerbell outfit . " She has a two toned purple dress . It 's Silvermist 's from Tinkerbell . Mind you , we haven 't seen the movie . Anyway , my nails are two different purples right how . I was bored and so I put a stripe on a diagonal of darker purple over light purple . I thought it was cool that she recognized the two colors which matched the two colors on her dress . Maybe I just think she is extra brilliant because she is my daughter ? So tonight I was telling Bill what she said about my nails . He hadn 't even noticed them ! So he says " When did you get your nails done ? Who did them ? " Um , hmmm , ME ? ? ? I always do my own nails . Shhhh , I snuck out of the house at 3am and had them done by the local nail salon ! Silly man . Today I went through the rest of the photos that I needed to go through and I scanned them . Unfortunately , I realized tonight that I missed a bunch of them . IPosted by Another weekend has come and gone . Why must it go so quickly ? I think I am going to go to bed sort of early tonight . Odd for me , but there is nothing on TV . I stayed up till 3 am last night , so I probably should try to make up for it a little . Very productive day . I went through old photos so I can see what is there and then I can get them into the right place . I have one more box to go . I went through two boxes . I also printed out all the excursions we can do on our vacation . I had no idea I would be printing a book ! There are so many things to do ! Anyway , I want to review what is offered and I want Bill to look as well . It 's harder with a 3 1 / 2 year old . We can 't do a lot of the stuff because your child has to be at least 12 years old for these excursions . Not a big deal to me . I know Bill has a few things in his mind that he absolutely wants to do , but after reading up on those items , there is no way we could bring Ping . He could go alone , but I don 't think that is what he wants to do either . Although he said he would . Nice guy , eh ? There will be other times in the future . Right now we have a young child , and she comes first . There is a day camp that you can put your child in . I am not sure how I feel about that yet . I might try it for an hour or two because I think Ping would have a blast . However , I am not sure I want to leave her while we go on an excursion . I can 't help it , I am very protective . Bill and others have said " well they have to be certified to watch children , ect . " Whatever ! I don 't care . The only one that is certified is me ! How do you like them apples ? I am far from perfect , but nobody loves her more than I do . Bill is a close second : ) I sent some pictures to Ayi Meri this afternoon so that she could arrange them all on one sheet of paper for me . I need to do that for our social worker . The social worker also asked Ping to draw a picture . Like I mentioned before , I have been talking a lot to Ping about a brother or sister for her so that she will be prepared in the event that we are fortunate enPosted by Yesterday was Friday . Well it 's Sunday morning at 2 am , so I suppose that is a lie . It 's more like yesterday was Saturday ! Well anyway , Friday was a busy , busy day . I was so proud of myself for getting a lot of stuff done . I jumped out of bed , threw on the swimsuit , go Ping ready and headed out the door . Threw some stuff in the mailbox , dropped Ping off , stopped to pay the electric bill , went to swim , went to the bank , Walmart , McDonalds for an ice tea , home for a shower and then I hung a bunch of clothes on hangers before I ran out to get Ping at school . By the time we got home , I felt like I had run a marathon . I had a bunch of phone calls to make and dinner plans for the evening , so we hung out at home . I really like being home vs running all over sometimes . I just get a lot accomplished for the most part . I have so many projects I am hell bent on getting done before the hot weather hits us . Granted we have a / c , but I still get overheated in the house . I find that we go from cold , to a few nice days to May flies to hot . So there is a small window of time for me to get some stuff done . I just need to become more tolerant of the heat . God I wish I could ! ! ! ! ! We went for Thai food at a new restaurant in Holden . We went with Ayi Meri , Uncle Joe and Lucas . It was great . Came home , put Ping to bed and I watched a bad movie called " The Lookout . " Today I slept in . I ended up getting up with a major headache which didn 't put me in a good mood . I had two Tastefully Simple boxes loaded with products , so we emptied them and I checked everything to make sure it came in the order . I have a party next Saturday night . I stamped catalogs and order forms . Pretty boring stuff ! I then did a few other things at my desk . Bill worked outside . At 4 : 30 I got Ping ready because we had dinner plans . We headed to Bed , Bath and Beyond because I had a return . We then went for Mexican food in Grafton with Audra , her husband Terry and her two girls Ava and Elise . It was a quick dinner as it 's hard to eat with three bouncing kids . We were home Posted by I slept so unbelievable bad last night . I could barely drag myself out of bed today . Even the ladies at swimming noticed I was totally dragging . Once we were home for the day , I sorted 850 pictures so I could put them into albums tonight . Shortly after lunch and a few other things , Ping asked me to sit with her . I passed out in the chair . She kept fidgeting so it wasn 't really a great nap . However , it was good enough to propel me to do a lot of things tonight . So far I have paid bills , done a little more cleaning , figured out my checkbook , make a few new files , etc . Nothing exciting , but those things in life that you have to do . I am now going to watch ER and put all those pictures in albums . I hate doing it , but it 's got to be done by somebody . That somebody is usually me . I am looking forward to ER . It 's been a killer season . Sad to see it go . I have barely missed an episode since it started . I love Private Practice as well which is now on Wednesday nights at the same time . I will watch it on the computer tomorrow though . I am so grateful they show episodes now online ! ! ! ! ! I hope you like the temporary background on the blog . I have been wanting to put out our Easter stuff for 2 weeks now . Maybe by July 4th ? ? ? ? ? I have asked Bill to take the stuff out of the attic , but he has yet to do it . I don 't even remember what Ping 's basket looks like and I need to buy some items for it before Easter is here in a few short weeks ! ! ! ! Be well my friends ! Mama Out ! ! ! ! Blogging early because there is literally nothing on TV tonight . That is okay , I am doing some research online anyway . We had another day at home today . I had to pick Bill up at 3 : 30 for a fingerprinting appointment , so it wasn 't worth cramming anything in before that . So I did the boring stuff like empty the dishwasher and clean the kitchen . Amazingly fun , no ? The fingerprinting was to be done at 4 : 00 pm or so I was told . We left the place 2 hours later . Guess it was more like show up at 4 : 00 pm and sit around and wait your turn . Would have been nice to know that since we had Ping in tow ! We were melting . It was like 80 degrees in the place . Ping 's cheeks were bright red ! ! ! ! ! ! I dropped Bill off at his work so he could get his car . We really need food for the house , so Bill he would go , but he wasn 't going to take Ping . He just wanted to run in and out and not bother with bringing her . DON ' T WE ALL WANT THAT FREEDOM ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? So there she is having a peanut butter and fluff sandwich and an orange and I tell Bill to tell her that he is going shopping and that she can stay here with Mama . She starts bawling . " I want to go shopping with you Daddy . " So I come out of the office and hug her and tell her that Daddy would be happy to take her . Then I start to cry . Bill is looking at me like I have lost my mind . I can 't help it . I don 't want her to be so sad and think that Daddy doesn 't want her . So I told her to eat slowly and that I would make up the list for her and Daddy and then they could go . Then all was right with the world . I told Bill that I would kill to be loved like that . It 's so sweet and he is a lucky man . She wants to be with him all the time . She hasn 't seen him all day with the exception of the appointment , so how can she not want to be with him . How can he NOT want to be with her . He does because he adores her , but he wants to shop like a childless man ! Hmphft ! The two of them just got back a short time ago . Bill brought everything in and then went up with Ping to get her ready for bed . I now have to go andPosted by We had another very lame day today . We did one errand at the Auburn Mall after school . I wanted Ping to try on a larger pair of sandals than the ones I bought . I kept the ones I already got her though . The next size up was a little too big . I then took her to the bathroom at the food court . She saw hot dogs at Orange Julius and insisted on having a dog ! ! ! ! ! So I got her a hot dog , bag of chips and an orange drink for $ 4 . 29 . She ate the dog and most of the chips . She wanted to bring the rest home . As we are walking , she took one chip out and said " this one is for Daddy . " She just melts my heart when she does this . A man overheard her and couldn 't stop smiling . I told her that I was so proud of her for wanting to share , but I think the chip should be kept in the bag so that it doesn 't break ! So she stuck it back in the bag ! I carried her drink out for her because the cup top was not very secure at all . So Ping says " be careful not to drop it Mama , it would be messy okay , be careful Mama . " She then told me not to drink any because it was her drink . Mind you we got another couple of looks from people when Ping said not to drop it . I guess it 's because of her voice or how she says things ? It 's just too cute ! I am a tad biased , I know . So we jumped in the truck and I put the drink in the cup holder . Ping passed out in the truck on the way home . When we got into the garage , I told her I would carry the cup in and I would transfer it into a safe drinking cup . So we got in , took off our jackets and hung them up . Went to the bathroom , put some stuff away , she got into her Princess dress and then she said she wanted to watch TV . So I turned it on for her . She walks over to the table and gets the drink . I had yet to change it into another container . She says " don 't worry Mama , I will be very careful , I am just putting it over here . " Ten minutes later , the entire thing was on the floor . I knew it . I knew I should have transferred it right then and there , but I was trying to let her do her own thing . It 's a fine line I walk evPosted by Yesterday went by too quickly . Bill worked outside again . He is still trying to cut all the trees and brush from that darn storm . Ping played with her puzzles and bounced around like a Mexican jumping bean . I did a little more cleaning and organizing in the house . I cleaned out my bathroom drawers . It 's amazing how much stuff can accumulate ! ! ! ! It was a pretty low key Sunday . Today we stayed home after our morning activities . I wasn 't in the mood to do much of anything errand wise and dragging a drippy nosed baby around isn 't exactly my idea of fun ! So she watched TV , did a few puzzles and snuggled with me . Despite her cold , she was off the walls today . She finally hit a wall by evening though . She wouldn 't stop crying over everything . Poor thing can 't breath well . However , if I give her Mucinex , she doesn 't catch a break because her nose drips something terrible . I did give her a little cough medicine which tastes like " buttlegun . " That is bubblegum in Ping speak . It was so cute to hear her try to say it . Mind you , she is stuffy , so everything sounds funny right now . I don 't have too much to share since we have been so low key , but I will say a few things . I took a picture of Ping 's hair today . I have never seen it like it was . There was a clump of hair sticking straight out . It was so funny . That is how my day started off . First of all she got up before me . She woke up when Daddy did . UGH . Anyway , I woke up , yelled " Ping " and got back a " stop talking to me . " WHAT ? I said " Ping , come get dressed for school . " I got back " I am not talking to you . " This is not how anyone should start the day . I basically said something to the affect of not caring if she was talking to me , but she was going to get dressed regardless ! ! ! ! So she comes into my bedroom and I say " Sweetie , what were you doing downstairs ? " " Mama , I no touch your desk , I no touch the markers , I no touch your stickies , I no touch your stapler , I no touch your stamps , I didn 't feed the babies . " Mind you , she does this while looking so sad and bopping her head Posted by Overlook Farm ( part of the Heifer Project ) in Rutland was having a fundraiser today , so I made reservations for the three of us to go to their pancake breakfast . For those of you interested , this is what Heifer is all about . Heifer 's Mission to End Hunger Heifer envisions … A world of communities living together in peace and equitably sharing the resources of a healthy planet . Heifer 's mission is … To work with communities to end hunger and poverty and to care for the earth . Heifer 's strategy is … To " pass on the gift . " As people share their animals ' offspring with others - along with their knowledge , resources , and skills - an expanding network of hope , dignity , and self - reliance is created that reaches around the globe . Heifer 's HistoryThis simple idea of giving families a source of food rather than short - term relief caught on and has continued for over 60 years . Today , millions of families in 128 countries have been given the gifts of self - reliance and hope . So we arrived at 10 : 30 and immediately ran into our neighbors Heidi and Erika . It was so nice to see them . They are the neighbors that have babysat Ping before and they always take her for a walk and to pick flowers in the nice weather . So it was so nice to see them . We got in line to get pancakes , sausage and bacon . Bill loaded his plate and Ping 's . I had just pancakes . I didn 't want to keel over from the grease or die from the salt for the rest of the day . So we ate and then went to the gift shop to look around . The entire outside was pure mud , which made for looking around difficult . We have the sneakers to prove it ! We went into one of the barns to see rabbits and baby goats . We then stopped to see chickens , big goats and then a camel . He stole the day for me . He was so cute . He was huge . He loved Ping . He kept trying to knock her over and give her kisses . I got some great photos of it . He finally just decided to suck her hair . A few people were freaking out . I was calm about it . I didn 't think he was going to eat her ! We then went into the SPosted by It 's nearly 1 am and I need to hit the hay . Bill has been upstairs since 9 pm with Ping . I am sure there is no room between those two and the cats , but I will try anyway . I am thinking that if I can 't move them out of my room , I can move myself , right ? Not like there are no other freaking rooms in the house ! I went to have acupuncture tonight . I never have before . Thought I would try it for my Lymphedema . Now I am rethinking the whole thing . It 's never good to have needles enter a body part that is inflicted with Lympedema . However , I thought I would give it a try in my question to get my Lympatic system working . Need to give it a little more thought . After doing a lot of reading tonight , I am really nervous to go again . So stay tuned . I watched some TV tonight and since getting off the TV , I have been on the computer . So I need to tear myself away . It 's late and I have to be up early tomorrow . I hate early ! Mama Out ! ! ! ! I am glad the weekend is around the corner . Bill bought a chain saw and is going to start cutting the limbs and branches that we lost during the December winter ice storm . Yesterday Ping and I went shopping after school . We went to two stores . That was enough . I ended up buying her more ladybug stuff than anyone should be allowed to own . We came home and did a few things around here . We were so tired . When Daddy came home , Ping modeled all of her new clothes and shoes . She is ready for vacation ! ! ! ! ! All of the stuff looked great on her . Just wish her hair would grow sooner rather than later . Bill and Ping went to bed around 8 pm and I never saw them again . I watched ER which was awesome and went to bed at a fairly decent hour for me . Today we are staying home . I have a few things I really need to get done here . I am determined that by the end of summer , I get the garage cleaned out and my mom 's bedroom cleaned up . We have thrown so many items in there . Not intentionally really . It 's not a mess , but it needs some tidying . I want to decorate that room and get a new TV for it . Ping says her TV is in the living room and Bill 's is in the family room . So I am going to go buy a 100 inch BIG SCREEN TV for me ! ! ! ! Kidding . However , I do want to make that room into a reading / TV room . However , today I am not working on that stuff . I am working on a few other things . It 's good for me to keep busy . I have been so angry lately . I feel like I am being taken advantage of in a few different ways and I am getting sick of it . I feel under appreciated as well . I don 't mind helping people out , but lately it 's been a bit much . I wouldn 't care , but time after time I am not paid for stuff or it 's assumed I will carry all the costs of things until they have the money or that I should just pay for things because we are friends . Hmmm , don 't think so . In fact , it 's pushing me away . I don 't want to be around people that do that to me . It has nothing to do with the money , it 's the principle of the entire thing . I can see once in awhile , but thisPosted by I have been thinking it 's Thursday all day . Why I am rushing this week is beyond me . Could losing one hour of sleep over the weekend be the cause of all this ? I doubt it . Today was a very busy day at home . I had plans , but they were rescheduled . So I got a million things done around here and I was so pleased . I wish I could do this daily . Not all days are like this though . I ironed , sewed a button on Bill 's pants , made up a few files for the file cabinet , made a bunch of phone calls to people interested in adopting from the agency we used , put all pictures together to upload tomorrow and a few other things . Bill came home and said " Where is my dinner woman ? " He then said " now that you are sewing and ironing , cooking a nice meal is next , right ? " Absolutely sweetie and then I will be calling the divorce lawyer because I won 't need you anymore . He then said I should fetch him his pipe and slippers too ! Where did this man come from ? Clearly he fell off of a turnip truck and struck his head hard ! Really , he should insist on cooking , just so I keep him around . Ping would miss him , but he is just another person that takes all the covers , hot water , leaves messes behind , etc . Really , why does one keep a husband ? Lol ! Well that is it for tonight , I need to get some sleep . I need to wake up the snoring hubby in the other room too and that takes forever ! Hope all is well . Mama Out ! ! ! ! Not sure why I am into rushing the week right now . It happens to the best of us I guess . So I got up extra early today because I had jury duty . Bill stayed home so he could take Ping to school . So that is two days in a row now that I have not been able to swim . I will be back at it tomorrow though . I know everyone that I talk to hates jury duty . I am not sure why . I don 't mind it . It 's fairly easy , you sit in a chair with a book , magazine , cell phone , ipod , laptop , etc . for a few hours . It 's hardly a hardship . I am not saying I love it , but I certainly don 't moan and groan and make the same jokes everyone else does . Everyone is always saying " I will tell them that I think the person is guilty because they are African American or because they are old . I am biased , so they can 't use me . " Give me a break , it 's one day ( for the most part ) out of your life . I am not saying that if you are called and have to go daily for weeks , that it would be enjoyable . Maybe it would for some . Who knows . The thing is that it 's something we have to do . Some of us do it more frequently than others . Some people have never been called upon . I have 4 times . So what if you have to sit on a jury panel for one day ? You learn how trials are run , is that a bad thing ? I think it 's fascinating . I think I must have missed my calling . So I got there at 8 am and checked in . I took a seat . I didn 't bring anything with me , but that was fine . They had magazines there . Around 9 : 30 or so , a group of 49 of us was called . We filed into a courtroom and for about an hour they called on some people there and then proceeded to let them go and then sat some more and then let them go . Some people are connected to those in the case or have been in a similar situation and wouldn 't make an " ideal " jury member . After an hour or so , we were released back into the main room . Those of us that had been called the first time were let go about an hour later . I was sort of surprised I wasn 't called . I have been called twice before . Once was settled out of court before we fPosted by Yesterday we had a wonderful day . We went to Wilmington to see our friend 's Marjorie and Keith . They have three beautiful boys . The weather was awesome , so we stayed outside for most of the day . The kids played on the trampoline and the swing set and in the cul da sac with bikes . Ping and their youngest Timmy got along so well . They were throwing snow at each other . It was hysterical . They were so kind with each other as well . When Ping dropped her apple and wouldn 't stop crying about it , Timmy handed her a new apple . When Timmy was upset their puppy Max had his stuffed toy , Ping wrangled it away and handed it to Timmy . It was so very sweet . Right when we arrived , Timmy came up to me and told me he was getting a new sister . They have a match with a little girl from China . She is too precious and I can 't wait to take some photos of her . All of her boys were wonderful , but Timmy and Ping just bonded because of their age and personalities . Bill and Keith stood out by the grill and then sat on the couch all night chatting . Bill thought Keith was a great guy . Marjorie and I were outside and inside chatting up a storm . I have known Marjorie for a few years , but never got to know the basics . So we had a great time chatting while she cooked dinner for us . It was scrumptious ! We had a fantastic time and can 't wait to get together again . Today , we woke up to snow . One day it 's gorgeous and then the next it 's snowing . That is New England for you ! ! ! ! ! ! I took Ping to school and instead of going to swim , I had an interview for a volunteer position . I am excited for it and will start training soon . After school , we came home and I made a bunch of professional phone calls . I am working on some tax stuff . It 's really is an absolute pain . It was one of those days were you leave a million messages and nobody is there . However , you know they will all be there at the same exact moment and will call you at the same time so you are stressed out . It always works out that way ! ! ! ! ! Sure enough , it did for the most part . It was a productivePosted by |
A new medication for sleeping has done wonders for me . Instead of needing and getting 12 to 14 hours of sleep almost every day , I now get up after only 7 hours and feel pretty perky . All my other meds are the same and seem to be working really well for the most part . I think the weather helps too . I 'm not isolating myself so much as I was a few short weeks ago . I love my yard ; the sun sucks all the dreary winter from my body and brings the summer into my soul . We found a cute baby kitty that we were going to adopt and kept him in the house with us for a few days until we could get him to the Humane Society to have him checked out and neutered . He got out just before one of the most weirdest storms I 've ever been through happened . Snow with lightning and high damaging winds . Then he never came back . I still grieve for him . He was so lovable and sweet . The end of May marked the first anniversary of the death of my dad . I still have the image of him taking his last breath as my sister and I clutched his hands , crying , and telling him to go . It was okay to go . I should have left right away so I wouldn 't have had to see his empty , thin body lying there . I can 't forget it . I still remember my mom as she looked after her death too . I dream of them so much . His birthday was 2 days after his death as well . It was hard this year as I 'm sure it will be every year . It 's funny when I dream of my dad because , in my dreams , apparently his death was all a big mistake and he isn 't really dead and is still alive . What makes it better , though , is in between the anniversary of my dad 's death and his birthday my youngest granddaughter had her first birthday . I remember the joy I felt when she was born in spite of the sad , dark time of a year ago . This year was no different , really . She is cute as can be and I love both of my grandgirls to bits . Such bright and wonderful children who give me so much joy . My daughter turned 18 in March and is almost 30 . Yeah . But she 's really doing great . Doing fantastic in school , winning 2 awards and made the honour roll ! So proud of that girl . I also met a man . I decided to give up on the " bad boys " after reading several articles written by nice men who never seem to get a chance . I also read some blog posts and comments from them where women have been stuck with the bad boys just like I was . And they just didn 't get it either . So … I 'm giving one a chance . It 's only been a few weeks but holy moly … wow . He treats me like a queen , takes me for dinners , lunches and breakfasts . He lent me his truck for 4 days ( which my kids thought was really weird ) . I have had to stop him from spending so much money on me . If he had his way he would lavish me with gifts . He wants to find me a car . He wants to buy me clothes . I said no . I keep saying no . He really wants me to be happy and expects a commitment in the future . THAT I 've never heard before . It 's been all disconcerting as I have not met anyone like him . He loves how I look . He 's beyond eager to meet my kids . He wants to be with me all the time and I had to tell him I needed space to breathe and learn about myself in this new role . It was a battle at first , only because of his own insecurities I think . I notice he really doesn 't have that many of those so far . He lives out - of - town on a beautiful 4 acre lot with an apple orchard and all the toys near a beautiful lake . I 've stayed there a few times and love the privacy , the birds and the sun on beautiful days . I had a surprise graduation party for my son , his wife and my daughter on Sunday because they are all graduating . My son got his GED back in the fall , my daughter - in - law went to night school to finish her high school and , of course , my daughter graduates high school in June . My fella paid for all the food and drove me around everywhere to find supplies and presents . He wanted to come to the party to do the cooking but I held him off as we had only been together for such a short time . I just felt it was too soon . He smiles all the time . And that 's important to me . We like and love so many of the same things and every time we discover something new it 's such a surprise . He wants to make sure I 'm not stuck inside and plans outings all the time . He missed me yesterday and drove the hour drive and showed up at 4 in the afternoon with Chinese food for supper . To think I was fighting this . Neither of us could really understand my reasoning . I do though , of course . All those failed relationships , all the heartache and all the work invested and lessons learned . He doesn 't want me to lump him into the same category as those guys . He 's assured me he 's different . I 'm starting to believe it . His health isn 't very good at this time but we both hope for improvements . Finally , I feel I have the ability to write again , both electronically and emotionally . Well , I still don 't know about the emotional part . Its been a very emotion - filled few weeks , with many ups and even more downs . My laptop may overheat but I will write with breaks so it can cool down . I was always waiting for something . Exterminators because we had bedbugs . It took the landlord 2 months to get them here so poor Carly and I would go to bed each night so the critters could feast upon our milky flesh . All the info we read from the government and exterminator 's websites recommended you don 't sleep on the couch or they will find you . Where . Ever . You . Go . So I couldn 't sleep . I would stay awake until the sun came up , killing any that crawled on me and put them in a jar of bleach and laugh manically as they dissolved before my eyes ( I bet you didn 't know how sadistic I can be ) . During the day I would pick though my daughter 's bed , trying to decrease her discomfort . She would still have new bites every few days . During this 2 month time we were banned from seeing my grandchildren as my son has an almost supersized fear of the bugs and he did not want to risk any transfer from us . Ditto for the boyfriend . I maybe saw him 4 times in that 2 months and that was to go to movies . I was so relieved when we were finally sprayed at the beginning of December . My oldest granddaughter was overjoyed when I walked though their door . The hugs ! Hugs beat the bedbug blues every time ! Unfortunately the bugs seemed to be the beginning of the end for the boyfriend . He called less and less and I saw him very infrequently . We seemed to have a plan to go to Cuba though , where I hoped some alone time would help . Over the holidays , he just stopped calling except for a text telling me Happy New year and don 't be mad , I 'm going to Cuba with my friend . That was almost 2 weeks ago and not a word since . I knew this was a man who has lived with a very traumatic past and this is the worst time of year for him . It took me a while to realize that he could not be ready for a relationship . He needs to find his own self before he could ever trust his life won 't be ripped apart again . I , of course , have had my own traumatic past . The difference is I have both professional and familial support . He chooses to have a different way of handling his feelings . I 'm afraid it ended with me having a broken heart because of the silence . Or maybe I 'm giving him too much credit and he really is just a jerk . I don 't believe that though . I do know , really , it 's for the best because , unless there is help in his life , my heart would never heal and would keep going through these unresolved issues he carries . I think I might be stronger in some ways . Unfortunately , I 've now developed some trust issues of my own . My self - esteem is even more damaged than before . Who would want me ? I don 't feel attractive physically or emotionally / mentally . What a mess . There was one day that I slept away . 22 hours . That was when I knew I had to try to do something but everything was pretty dark for me . For those who survive depression hopefully knows everyone feels it differently ; it 's never a contest , like " I have more reasons to be depressed than you do " kind of thing . No . What I feel is physical ( heavy like an elephant ) and mentally ( my brain is a foggy bog of poo ) . It 's how to get out of it is the challenge . Sleeping 22 hours may not seem like a healthy way to do it but that was all I could do that day . The next day was less , more like 14 hours . Then it was 12 . I can handle 12 . I did the dishes . I tried to go grocery shopping . Then suddenly I had stuff to do and had to get out of bed to do them so my going to bed at 7 am was not going to work anymore . I seem to have developed a fairly normal schedule . How I felt is so hard to explain . I wish I had the words to tell you how dark my world was . My dreams were where I wanted to be . I couldn 't wait to dream because what happened in them was so much more exciting and meaningful than what my life was . My bi - polar dreams have always been vivid but never so much as during this time . My awake - time flashbacks from the dreams would leave me quite confused . Once , on the rare occasion I did go out , I was very nearly hit by a bus and leapt 3 feet in the air as the driver laid on the horn , inches from my hip , waking me from my musings . I thought no one would care anyway . Of course I know now that is not and never been true . I have my peeps who love me and always will . Before Christmas , I was on the bus after seeing my mental health worker and just broke down . I was crying in public . No one did anything except for the lady beside me who handed me a used tissue . I sat there with tears streaming down my face , suffering in silence . Which is what most people do . All this was not necessarily because of a man . I was on my way to my darkness partly due to the isolation I was in and the feeling of not being wanted anywhere because of the blasted bugs . I was just so sad and lonely and alone . I missed my Dad so much over Christmas . His joy was like a child 's when he opened gifts . His place was empty at the table where we would squeeze his walker in . I did have a wonderful day with my family though . We all felt his presence there , especially when , for no explicable reason , glassware started falling out of the cupboard and breaking on the ceramic floor at my sister 's . I was making the banana cream pie at the moment , which was his favourite dessert . I had to stir and stir the homemade pudding for at about 45 minutes so it wouldn 't burn . Maybe Dad thought I wasn 't doing it right but I kept right on stirring during all the crashing and sweeping and didn 't burn the pudding at all . One of the best we ever made . He was keeping me on my toes I guess . Carly and I got wonderful news the other day . We now have a townhouse we 're moving to through public housing . Instead of paying rent I cannot afford it will be covered by the benefits I receive from Disability . This is a huge financial relief for me . I have lots to look forward to . I will get to purge yet again . The crap that weighs me down . Crap that I hang on to . Crap I can let go . And it ain 't just because of the packing . I must tell you all , right off the bat , that I know I haven 't written anything for several weeks . I really feel bad about it because I know it helps me get through a lot . I 've put my volunteer work on hold for this month because of the extreme anxiety I 'm feeling about my health and the crazy developments with my father 's estate and , as such , the state of my family life . The stresses have really gotten to me where I am , once again , staying away from the outside world most of the time and hiding in my online games . So boring I know . I do go to my appointments and have made more effort into cooking some meals the last few days than relying on junk food . It helps that Carly is home to eat . After messing up the last 2 appointments booked with my new mental health worker we finally met each other for the second time . It all went well until she asked me how my typical day goes . I was quite embarrassed about it until I remembered that I do get up early twice a week for when my granddaughter comes over for the day . ( So fun to be with her … two years old and so cute and full of goof ) . She asked me what my stresses are and I told her about the above mentioned in more detail . It was a pretty substantial list but mostly I have such fast and negative thoughts . Then I was to go over the positive things in my life which were fewer but still easy to come up with ; kids , boyfriend , and my finances are a little better . I was also to tell her about what I do to help the with stress . Again the list was small but at the end of the meeting she said that column would eventually be full and she could see how low my self - worth and self - esteem were and she has the tools to work on those negative thoughts . It 's been mind - numbing during the day and my sleep is filled with monsters and fear . Restful sleep is really not a part of my nights . It 's mostly 3 or 4 in the morning when my brain will finally shut down and my eyes slam shut for anywhere from 5 to 12 hours of sleep . I slept a day away a few weeks ago with a total of 19 hours . Crazy . My fella and I were finally getting to have some time together and were going out for supper except I kinda and sorta forgot about the going out part only because it was later than I thought we would be going . He called and said he was here and I had just got out of the shower and was dripping wet , naked and just figured , no problem , I 'll just throw something on and let him into my building like I usually do . I went to the front door , where he usually waits , then the back door but no fella . I was quite confused . I called him and asked him where the heck was he and he said at the front in the # 1 parking space . So , after wandering around the hallway in my nightie for another couple of minutes it dawned on me about the going out part . What to wear ? I felt all hot and sweaty after all that running around so I put on a tank top and jeans and put hair products in my very wet hair and ran out the door . He asked me if I wanted to go to a fancy restaurant but I told him I wasn 't really dressed for one ( that 's for sure ! ) so he suggested a favourite pizza joint we both like . It was very crowded and we were waiting for a table when I noticed someone eating at a table nearby who doesn 't like me too much and the feelings are quite mutual . I hid behind my fella after warning him . He was worried about a cat fight or me being so uncomfortable that we should go . I told him not to worry , I have big ovaries and can take it but could he please buy me a glass of wine tonight ? Absolutely , he said . So all the tables were full except for one right beside this person and a whole bunch of reserved ones . The owner of the restaurant told us to sit in the reserved section for now until a booth became available . " Don 't you guys leave , " she said . Whew . We sat in the reserved section ( getting the stinky eye from THAT table ) until a group of volleyball players started to arrive . It was then I noticed how hot my feet were as I listened to my fella regale me with his own restaurant stories . I tried to remember which shoes I put on when , to my horror , I looked down at my feet and saw … . My fella had me howling with laughter when I confessed to my slipper shuffle . He does that all the time . He said he was going to get me a hospital gown to go with my slippers for next time we go out so I can really look the part . It was then I remembered what I told my worker about the fear I had that people looked at me funny and man … I was laughing so hard . We both were . I had to put a little extra shuffle in my step for the rest of the night and the code word was " slippers " to make me start laughing all over again . Supper was great . At the end when my fella was paying the bill I asked the owner how her trip to Greece went . She told us that she went there to find all her old boyfriends so she could fuck them since she was too young to do that when she lived there as a young girl . She didn 't find any . It was great to get out . It did me a world of good . I 'm so looking forward to Thanksgiving with my sister 's family and my group . There we were , two of the most anxious females I know , going to a strange city by Greyhound . Whatever gave me the idea that this was a GOOD idea ? Well mainly it was because Carly and I were going to spend some good quality time together . My son was driving us to the bus depot and I was feeling pretty calm until we were almost there . Then my mind started racing with questions . What do we do ? Where do we go ? We started off doing what we thought was the right thing . We went to the counter at the depot and told the guy ( who turned out to be our driver ) that we were going to Edmonton and what do we do ? He looked at our tickets and , very kindly , told us we would be departing at Gate 1 at 6 : 45 . We found seats nearby and waited impatiently . It got later and later and Carly was coming up with more and more dire scenarios ( What if we don 't sit together ? Why did I have to read about Tim McLean ? What if people smell bad ? ) then finally we saw the bus arrive and security being set up . We were about 5th in line and finally got to the security table when we noticed we were the only ones without any tags on our luggage . Now , remember , we did go to the counter and no one said anything about tags . We had to go back to the nice man and tell him we needed them . There was a lineup there too and only 2 people on duty . One staff member was being held up by a guy who was trying to say his 3 bags were all carry - on 's and the bag that weighs 100 lbs . is free . That was not true and vigorous arguments ensued . We finally got to the nice man and he apologized for his mistake and even let me take my heavy carry - on with me . By this time there was no line at security . The thing about the motor coach I noticed the most was the smells that made their way to me throughout the trip to Edmonton . The first half hour I smelled vomit . The guy across the aisle kept belching really loud and they were quite stinky too . As were his farts . Then I thought everyone was drinking on the bus because someone would walk by me and I would smell alcohol . Turns out it was the hand sanitizer from the bathroom . Good for them for being so clean . At least I knew they washed their hands after they did their business . The smell that started half way there and never really went away came from a cup of coffee that a woman behind me spilled which proceeded to go downhill where Carly 's backpack was directly in its path . Carly was already so stressed out at this point she went over the edge for a bit . She cried over her Vans backpack and her new toiletries bag inside , now reeking of and dripping with coffee . The lady felt so bad and mopped up everything with toilet paper . Then there wasn 't any TP for the bathroom . Finally the driver found some . Whew . My legs and feet swelled up so much it was ridiculous . I have a history of blood clots and made sure I walked around whenever we had a stop . My feet hurt so much throughout the trip . The swelling never really went away . When we got there , after 18 hours on the bus and with barely any sleep , we still went shopping . I could barely walk and would send Carly into a store while I would find a bench to sit on and rest . I had to buy a sweater because it wasn 't summer in Edmonton . Fall weather had hit and I was in shorts and tank tops . I was miserly with money and was so glad to find a pretty good one for only $ 10 . Carly must have spent over $ 300 the first day . Her money not mine . I slept so good that night and was out like a light before 9 pm . I loved the pillows . Our hotel was nicer than I expected . I used booking . com and found a pretty good deal . I give it 3 - 4 stars . We hit so many stores . There were so many people , especially on Saturday . It was almost impossible to get through some of the aisles as they were clogged with crazy shoppers . Friday was my birthday and another day of shopping was planned . I got some great deals just telling people it was my birthday . My new fella had given me a card with strict instructions not to open it until my birthday and I actually obeyed . It was one of the first things I did when I woke up . Open it I mean . Lo and behold it had money in it ! With more strict orders ( he seems to be a little bossy ) to spend it frivolously on myself . So I bought Body Shop stuff , which I never buy because it 's too expensive . Because it was my birthday I got free hand lotion thrown in . Carly spoiled me rotten on my birthday . She paid for all the meals and cabs and bought me a beautiful forever scarf which was handy on the way home in the air - conditioned bus . She paid for more than half the food on the trip and half the cab fares . Almost every time I looked at her she had her bank card out . She was so patient with me and my sore feet , as long as she knew where I was . Thank goodness for texting and cell phones . I noticed a lot of things that makes Edmonton different from Winnipeg , besides the mall . The noise is unbelievable and overwhelming . We had to shout to each other most of the time at the mall . Everybody goes really fast there too . Cars and people . Some of the fashions I saw I haven 't seen here , at least not yet . AND I didn 't see one butt crack when people were sitting down . In Winnipeg you can count on seeing several in any food court , on the bus or even just walking around . I didn 't see one and that made me happy . Leaving Edmonton was very different then leaving Winnipeg . For one thing there was absolutely no security check done . This caused a whole new round of anxiety for Carly as now anyone could have a knife or a gun and cut off our heads . No one did but even so the trip home was a nightmare . For 20 hours we listened to a baby either screaming with misery or laughter , depending on her mood . At least I had to listen , Carly had her iPod so she plugged into her music world and drowned it all out . The baby rarely stopped and it was horrible . When she did stop another would start . There were 8 children on that bus under the age of 5 . One mom had 4 . Another mom had 2 and one of hers was the devil child who kept screaming . This mom who had 4 children with her was amazing . We were about to leave Edmonton when a man came running onto the bus looking for seats he said . There weren 't that many , it was pretty full . The driver announced that a family of 5 was coming on board at the last - minute and to be patient . No problem . Out the doorway I could see this tiny woman , maybe about 25 years old and 4 kids , ranging in age from 8 to 18 months , all holding something ; pillows , blankets , books , bags of food . They climbed on then the driver made ANOTHER announcement that these people had reserved seats so a lot of people had to shuffle around . The dad then ran off the bus , yelling " love you kids ! " and he was a blur going back into the depot . The little family was in the back and we didn 't hear a peep out of them . We had a layover in Saskatchewan and these kids totally entertained me . They danced and sang and giggled and climbed and ran and hid . All the while , their mother was calm , laughing along with them , getting them to settle down for only minutes at a time and not worrying too much when they started up again . She spoke to them patiently and kindly and I could tell she does this all the time by the way the kids treated each other ; the same . She met my eyes and laughed telling me they only had 3 hours of sleep so they were really goofy . I told her , " My dad used to say , It 's better than crying " . She laughed more . I could hear a little hysteria in it though . She was so great . She would crouch on the floor with them , rocking the youngest against her chest while talking softly to the others and feeding them apples and grapes . How she could hold that position for so long boggled my mind . ( Carly hates my people watching . She thinks I 'm nosy . What the heck else would I write about if I didn 't watch other people and what makes them do what they do ? ) Meanwhile the other screaming kid was still screaming with the mom begging her not to cry . The dad did nothing ; he just looked mad . I know the child was tired and they were on a long trip but it was really hard to take by hour 15 of the 20 hour trip . By the time we got home , I wanted to kiss the ground . We had a delay before we left Alberta . A young woman was hanging out with some of the younger guys on the bus , taking smoke breaks with them , etc . These young men always smelled like pot ( SECURITY ! ) . Anyway , we made a quick stop in a small town and I walked by her where she was commenting to some of the other women ( who also smoked ) with some concern about how she was swelling up . I wanted to show her my own feet but didn 't dare scare her . We all got back on the bus and started off again when she left her seat and went to talk to the driver . He turned around and took her to the hospital . According to the guys she hung with , she had taken opiates and then one of the guys gave her something else which didn 't react well with her . We had to leave her there in the middle of nowhere , hopefully in good care . I totally had a good time although in pain . Tylenol Arthritis was my best friend . I 'm pretty proud of myself but not totally surprised I could do it . I had to be a good mom to Carly , who was anxious a lot of the time and keep her calm from her day - mares . Never mind the hundreds of people or the guy who wanted to give me a makeover and wouldn 't give up , even when he saw me later and practically chased me . I handled it . I did good . It 's taking me a few days to recover from the overload and the swelling but I 'm just about there . I 'm still not sure about social situations though . This was very impersonal as I didn 't have to interact with many people . Just doing this trip and knowing , even if I am anxious about it , I can breathe through it and continue on . I don 't know what the future holds but it sure looks good from here . Going into big crowds like that was amazing and overwhelming at the same time . We kept it simple ; using cabs to get to the mall and back . We didn 't do any sightseeing at all . The fear of getting lost is still too strong . Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this : |
What was it the little girl had said after giving him the satchel ? She had called it the Calahuolca . He had never heard the word before , and he had no idea what it meant , but he knew that it was in fact the name of the dagger … or perhaps the name of whatever resided inside the dagger , whatever controlled the dagger . Don 't I control it ? he asked himself , then shook his head . No , he decided . It controls me . He didn 't know how he felt about that . He stood as close to the window as he could , hiding between the pane of glass and the bushes that surrounded the house . He could see a family inside , a mother and father , and a boy and girl . The children looked frightened - the little girl was crying - and the mother and father were consoling them . The boy was gesturing to the other room and shouting . " What are you talking about , Tom ? " Selena asked her son . " What happened ? " She glanced at Madeline , who was clearly scared out of her wits . " What did you do to your sister ? " " Nothing ! " Tom cried . He was pale , and trying not to cry himself . " We pulled Grandma 's mirror out of the box in the closet , because it 's supposed to be magic , and we wanted to see … " He paused , the irony of his situation striking him . " We wanted to see the magic , " he finished . " And we did ! " " What magic ? " Don asked . His wife had told him about the mirror , and about the letter his mother - in - law had left with the mirror - that it was connected to something vaguely referred to as its " mate " . " I 'm sure Grandma - Great - Grandma , I mean - was just being … creative … when she wrote that letter . " " Mom said it 's been in her family forever ! " Tom protested . " And that it needed to be protected . " He looked like he was starting to panic . " And now I know why ! " " Somebody 's in it , Mommy ! " Madeline finally managed to croak out between sobs . " I can see her in the mirror ! She was talking ! " " What are you talking about ? " Selena said again . She went into the playroom , where the kids had been a moment before ; she peered with a mix of trepidation and skepticism into the mirror that the kids had laid on the daybed . What 's going on ? she wondered , squinting at the grey surface of the large mirror . It wasn 't showing her anything of her own face or of the room behind her . It was filled with a dusky cloud , as though it were a window obscured by a thick fog on the other side . " What ? " she murmured , her fingers reaching out tentatively to touch the glass . " Help ! " Selena thought she heard the woman calling , but the voice was so small and distant that she wasn 't quite sure . Clearly , though , the woman 's lips were saying " help me " , over and over . Selena struggled to process what she was seeing . Terror welled up in her chest and took her breath away , and she could do nothing for a few seconds except goggle at the image of the woman in the mirror . A scream was building in her throat , but before she had gasped in enough air to let it out , she was violently startled by the sound of shattering glass in the living room , and the noises and shouts of a scuffle between her husband and another man . Selena spun around to face the door , only to be shoved aside by a man in a business suit . Don was behind him and trying to drag him back out to the living room , but the man in the suit was determined to come into the playroom , and to get to the mirror . He held a dagger in one hand , and Selena was finally able to scream , long and shrill , with every ounce of her strength and her fear . Madeline , despite her dread , was close on her brother 's heels . " No - o - o - o ! " she kept shrieking , her hands gripping frantically at her brother 's shoulders . " Get away from us ! " Selena was already digging into her pocket for her phone . " Tom ! " she shouted . " Get your sister out of here ! " She punched 9 - 1 - 1 into the phone and backed away from the intruder , her free arm pushing the children out into the hall . Suddenly the man in the suit stopped in his tracks , and the hand that held the dagger began to shake . Don , too , let go of the man , and stared open - mouthed at the mirror . " What the hell ? " he said , frowning in absolute confusion . Selena followed his gaze to the mirror , and what she saw caused her to drop the phone on the floor . Tom and Madeline saw the fingers too , and both stood now gaping at the mirror . A head emerged from the mirror , followed by an arm that struggled out and then propped itself on the edge . " Help me ! " the head pleaded , but didn 't wait for help or response before pushing a second arm out of the mirror . He struggled against her , but she hung on in desperation ; her fingernails dug into the skin of his hand . She pulled herself toward the man , until finally her hips cleared the mirror - frame and she was able to climb free of it . Because her fingers still clutched the man 's wrist , she yanked him off - balance when she collapsed forward onto the daybed . He tumbled over the top of the mirror , and the dagger he held fell onto the glass . " No ! " the man cried , and banged his fist on the glass . It broke , cutting his hand and shattering into more pieces than seemed likely from such a minor impact . " No , " he repeated more quietly . He lay then hunched over the broken mirror . He said nothing , and offered no explanation for his presence there , for the dagger , or for his sudden sadness . " The Calahuolca , " he murmured . " I was supposed to protect it . " Selena recognized the word from her grandmother 's note about the mirror - that this Calahuolca was bonded to the mirror , and that the mirror was supposed to get rid of the Calahuolca . " Good God , " she breathed , not sure how to get her head around what had just occurred . " Good God . " " The lady , " Madeline whispered . She was watching the woman who had clambered out of the mirror and now lay sobbing on the daybed . The woman must have heard her , because she raised her head and spoke to Madeline . " Tanya , " she said , trying to smile . " I 'm Tanya . " She began crying again . " Thank you so much , " she said . " Thank you so much . " She looked at the man , and the mirror , and the other people in the playroom . " Where am I ? " she asked , then went on quickly , " It doesn 't matter . It doesn 't matter . As long as I 'm here and not there . " She laughed then , and went on laughing in joy and relief . " As long as I 'm here and not there . " At first she had felt … awkward … peeing on the floor , but finally she accepted that she had no choice . The grey featureless floor didn 't seem to mind particularly , and it wasn 't like anyone could see her . There was no one here . She knew because she kept shouting for them - for anyone - and was greeted by the same dead silence that had followed her since she had arrived here . She remembered better now ; she had heard something in the trunk of her car , and had pulled over to see what it was . But when she opened the trunk , something had grabbed her and dragged her inside - dragged her down through the suddenly bottomless trunk and into a pitch - dark void . Somewhere during this abrupt and airless journey , she had passed out … only to wake up in this empty twilight world . She had walked and walked for hours ; she had called out until she was hoarse . She had found the one little window , hovering in the center of the air like an optical illusion , but the girl on the other side was too scared to help her - if the girl could even hear her . She had realized after the girl ran away that the " window " was a mirror , the passenger mirror of a car parked on a quiet street . It was only a few inches across , so Tanya would never have been able to fit through it , but when she saw the girl she had hoped that at least someone would know she was stuck here . But the girl was terrified at the talking image in the mirror , and didn 't wait to listen or lend aid . She ran quickly away from the parked car , leaving Tanya alone . Tanya had spent a long time crying about this , and staring out the little window at the night sky ; it was hours before she could summon the courage to leave the little window behind , but it was too small to crawl through anyway , and anyone walking by would be as frightened as the girl had been . She walked and walked some more , her stomach growling . She needed food , but more particularly water , but even more particularly she needed to find a way out . If one mirror was a window into this weird place , then another might be - one that was big enough for her to climb through . She walked , and walked , and walked . She sat for a while and cried , struggling with everything in her not to panic . It was getting harder not to panic . But if she freaked out , or started running , she would need water sooner . Finally she stood again and went on , hoping that she was going in a straight line . It was impossible to tell in here . She sprinted toward it , and was rewarded by another floating window . This one was much bigger than the first - it was big enough , she thought , for her to fit through . " Thank God ! " she said , panting heavily . She could get out of here . She didn 't even care what was waiting on the other side of the floating window , as long as it wasn 't this place . She had always found so much wrong with the world … but now all she wanted was to be back in it , enjoying every single thing about it . She stood directly under the window , looking up through it at a bright light fixture hanging from a white ceiling . White , she thought , surprised how delightful the colour white had become after being surrounded by so much grey . She could see children on the other side too - a boy and a girl , who were playing with toys she couldn 't see . " It doesn 't do anything ! " the girl protested . " It 's been sitting here for half an hour ! " She folded her arms across her chest . " I want to go play video games ! " " Help ! " Tanya shouted , waving her arms over her head . She stretched up as high as she could , but her fingers were several inches from the window . " Help me ! " Tom 's head spun around to look at her - he had heard her ! " Help ! " she shouted again , waving with bigger gestures . " Help ! I 'm down here ! " The girl had heard her too . She and Tom stared wide - eyed down at Tanya , and then the girl gave a blood - curdling scream . Tom didn 't scream , but his face had turned completely pale , and he grabbed frantically for the little girl 's hand . " Come on ! " he shouted , and pulled the little girl away from the window . " No ! " Tanya shrieked in despair . The panic she had been trying so hard to quell rushed over her now in waves . " Come back ! Come back ! " She yelled until her voice was hoarse ; she yelled until her energy drained , and she sank down to her knees underneath the window . " Why ? " she asked . " Why is this happening to me ? " She looked up at the window , at the white ceiling on the other side of it , and at the light fixture that shed yellow light onto her face . " Please come back , " she whispered . This time , she vowed , she would not move from this spot . She would stay right here until someone came to help her , or until she figured out a way to help herself . She wouldn 't get up , or go anywhere , or even go to sleep . The little girl had been carrying the dagger for what seemed like forever . She didn 't know where she was going , really ; she was just going where it seemed she ought to go . Where the dagger seemed to be telling her to go . She had been listening to the dagger since the moment she had come near it . Even though it didn 't speak in words , she could tell what it wanted her to do , what it needed her to do . It had asked her to do things she couldn 't even think about now … it would make her feel bad . She felt bad anyway , about her father . She hadn 't meant to kill him . She made her way to the train station , wondering how she was going to get on the train when she didn 't have any money . But the dagger 's whisper told her everything would be okay , and that she should go here to this place . Some of the grownups looked at her strangely , no doubt at the blood sprayed all over her clothes , but no one stopped her or asked her if she was alone or needed help . She walked past everyone , and came to stand near the ticket window . A man appeared beside her . " Are you here by yourself ? " he asked . She looked up at him . He was smiling , but his smile didn 't seem like a real smile . He looked like a businessman , in a suit and tie , and he carried a briefcase . He was friendly , but he was confused too , as though he were thinking about something that made no sense to him at all . The man glanced at the satchel on her shoulder . " What have you got there ? " he asked . " It 's a little too big for you , isn 't it ? " The little girl shrugged , and clutched the satchel closer to her . " I 'm fine , " she said . But inside she could hear what the businessman was probably hearing - the dagger wanted the man to take the satchel . Her heart started beating faster . She thought about her father , and about the lady she had taken the dagger from - they were both dead now . " I don 't want to die , " she whimpered , so quietly that the businessman didn 't hear her . He reached out and grabbed at the satchel . The little girl grabbed it back , reflexively trying to keep the dagger with her - it called to her , after all , all the time . But her desire to be alive outweighed the dagger 's voice . He seemed surprised at how easy it had been to do what the dagger wanted . He stared for a moment at the satchel that dangled from his hand . " I , " he said , his brow furrowed in puzzlement . " I guess I 'll go to Lansing , " he said , turning toward the ticket window . The little girl didn 't know where Lansing was , but she had heard the dagger whisper it . " Okay , " she said . She watched the man approach the ticket window and ask for a ticket to Lansing . " No , " Trina assured her . " They were just all … standing there . They didn 't move , or say anything , or blink . They just stood there , until I drove away , and then I saw behind me that they had all made a circle around the cop . " Trina shook her head . " No , " she said . " He had just gotten out of the car to come to my window . And then all the women showed up , out of nowhere . And he told me to come here and get help . " The officer had sent a separate car down the road where Trina had been pulled over , where she had left the poor policeman behind at the mercy of the strange group of identically dressed , long - haired women . Why would they all dress the same ? she wondered . Why would they all look alike ? It seemed , in the dark , as though it was the same woman , copied seven or eight times . Suddenly she felt a little less spooked - maybe it was some kind of projector , some kind of elaborate hoax . Maybe the policeman would be okay , and everyone would have a good laugh about it . A panic - stricken voice crackled over the officer 's radio . " Jordan ! " the voice shouted . " Tony 's out here ! He 's … he 's dead . He - it looks like he was strangled . " " No , " the voice replied . " But there are lots of footprints here - mud prints , or … or maybe blood . It 's hard to tell in the dark . " The officer started issuing urgent instructions into the radio , about back - up , and keeping people clear of the crime - scene , and scouring the area for the women Trina had reported . She glanced piercingly at Trina . " You 'll need to stay with me , " she commanded , obviously considering Trina a suspect in the death of the other officer . " O - okay , " Trina agreed . She thought about the officer who had pulled her over , about how she had left him there - at his instruction ! - to be killed by those women . I 'm sorry , she thought , tears in her eyes . She sat quietly for a long while , until the officer was ready to escort her to the police station for questioning . Officer Tony Prescott 's dash - cam recording exonerated Trina , but she was required to spend some hours answering endless questions . All around her , the police station was frantic with unusual activity ; it was a small town , after all , and crimes like this just didn 't happen . The dash - cam recording had captured the women , a total of nine women all wearing the same floral dress and the same dark hair swept down over their faces . But at the point when the women had surrounded Officer Prescott , the recording had cut out , showing only static for a few moments and clearing up only after the women had vanished . " I do , " a voice said behind her . " That looks like Madeleine Jackson . " The owner of the voice was one of the detectives ; he sat down at the table next to Trina and peered at the dash - cam footage . " Silton ? " Jordan repeated . " She probably would have been on that same road . " She shook her head , frowning . " But if she 's been missing for a year , then how did she end up there tonight ? And who are the other women ? " More time went by , and Trina felt like she had answered every question at least three times . It was now after sunrise , and even though the detective had given her all the coffee she could ask for , it wasn 't really helping her stay awake at this point . But even though she was increasingly exhausted , she also wanted to be here , following everything the police were finding out about what had happened to Officer Prescott . Surely someone , especially now that the darkness was fading , had found some trace besides muddy footprints of the women . Despite her best efforts , though , she found herself starting to doze off . " So do I , " Jordan said , coming over to the detective 's desk . " They found another body in the ravine , about half a mile from the road where Tony died . It 's been there a while . " " It 's almost just bones , " Jordan said . She scowled . " These women who killed Tony , " she said . " They 're dressed like a woman who 's been in the ravine forever . Why ? If they knew about the woman in the ravine , why didn 't they report it ? Unless they killed her too . " She squinted at the detective . " Do you think it 's your Madeleine Jackson ? " " It could be , " he answered . " I got a call a few weeks ago about a body found under a tree twenty miles up the highway ; we thought it might be Madeleine , but it turned out to be a girl from Colorado Springs who was driving through on her way to college - a girl named Tamara Lengle . " He gestured toward his phone . " Tamara had a tuft of hair clutched in her hand ; they just let me know they found a match for the hair . " He paused as though he didn 't particularly want to say what he had learned . " It was Tony , " he said finally . The detective nodded . " They matched the DNA , " he said . " Tony 's was on file . " He sighed , glanced at Trina who still sat quietly on a nearby bench , and leaned closer to Jordan . " What if he killed Madeleine , too ? " he asked in a low voice . " What if that 's why whoever killed him tried to look like Madeleine ? Like … revenge ? " Jordan didn 't waste any time being shocked at what she was hearing . " Why not just turn him in ? " she asked . " If they thought he had killed these women ? " " Maybe it was Madeleine , " Trina said softly . Her eyes were swimming with tears . " Maybe she … maybe she saved my life tonight . " The woman - all the women - had come out of nowhere . The video had gone to static - wasn 't that one of those things that meant it was a ghost ? Wouldn 't that explain why there were so many copies of the same woman ? She looked at Jordan and the detective . They were looking back at her with a mixture of disbelief and nervousness , as though they shared the thoughts she had spoken aloud but didn 't want to acknowledge it . " I think you need to get some sleep , " Jordan said after a moment . She rubbed her forehead . " I think I do too . " The detective nodded . " We do , " he said . He glanced again at his phone . " But the whole thing just got a lot more complicated . And I 'm not sure how to feel about Tony . " " Yeah , " Jordan agreed . " Me either . " She sighed . " We investigate Tony 's involvement with this Tamara girl , " she decided . " We investigate these remains from the ravine . We investigate Tony 's murder . We do all those things . And you , " she added , giving a small half - smile to Trina . " Can go home and get some rest , and if we have more questions , we 'll get in touch with you . " Trina blinked away her tears . " Okay , " she said , climbing stiffly to her feet . " But … but I really do think Madeleine saved me tonight . " She drained the cup of coffee the detective had given her , pulled her purse strap over her shoulder , and made her way silently out of the police station . She thought about the policeman - Tony - and how he had pulled her over on such a deserted road , so late at night . How he had leaned so close into her car window . How frightened he was , even though he had a gun , when he saw the woman in front of the car . He must have recognized her - recognized Madeleine , that he had left dead in a ravine . But suddenly a police car appeared behind the van , and then another , and another . Their lights were flashing ; their sirens wailed . The driver of the van panicked , flinging the van recklessly from one lane to the next , but the police cars kept pace . Soon six cars had surrounded the van and forced it to the side of the road . The three men jumped out of the van and fled on foot , pursued by half a dozen police officers with guns drawn . The other officers cautiously approached the van , opening the back doors to find a girl tied up and wrapped in duct tape . " You 're okay ! " they shouted , climbing in and kneeling down beside her . " You 're okay ! " The girl looked scared and relieved at the same time ; as soon as the tape was removed from her mouth , she croaked , " Where 's the little boy ? " One of the officers put a hand on her shoulder . " Jacob ? " he said . " He 's how we found you . He 's okay . " Two of the officers helped her down out of the van and led her to one of the squad cars . The officers left in the van began looking at piles of items collected in the corners amidst the tangle of ropes and blankets . There were articles of clothing , odds and ends of jewelry , and a few handbags . " Collect all these , " one officer said to another . " It looks like this girl and Jacob aren 't the first ones thrown into this van . " " Look at this , " a third officer interjected , tipping up a wooden shadow box . " It 's a jersey , " she noted , angling the box so that the others could see inside it . " It 's been signed by Stan Lee . " " There 's a receipt taped to it , " the first officer said . " It might tell us who owned that jersey . " He stepped out of the van . " Stop collecting , " he decided . " Let 's seal it up and take the whole van in for processing . " The officer holding up the shadow box laid it gently back where she had found it . " I think Jacob and this girl are really lucky , " she commented as she climbed out of the van . " It looks like a lot of people didn 't get away . " " Yeah , " the first officer said . He closed the doors to the van . " Yeah . " He went over to the car where the girl sat sobbing into her hands and shaking . She had saved little Jacob 's life , and could easily have lost her own . " But you 're safe , " the officer whispered to himself . He shook his head , and glanced back at the van . " You 're safe . " He wondered about the owners of all those items they had found , wondered how many of them were dead . " What the hell 's wrong with people ? " he asked no one in particular , and got into the squad car . The old man who always sat on the bench in the courtyard finally arrived , and took up his customary seat at the north end of the wooden bench . He carried a bag of bread crumbs that he would spend the morning feeding to the pigeons . He always fed them , all morning , and read the newspaper , and talked with some of the others who always came to the courtyard . Sometimes he had a thermos of coffee , but today he had a paper cup with a little tag hanging out of it - tea . Today I 'll go talk to him , Laney decided . She got up from the table and called out to the nice girl who always brought her coffee and biscuits . " Janetta , would it be okay if you brought it out there ? " The nice girl smiled at her the way she always did . " Sure , Laney , " she said . " Are you finally going to talk to Mr . Steinman ? " Her eyes twinkled , and Laney blushed . " I am , " she announced , her voice wavering between bravery and nervousness . She had been wanting to talk to Mr . Steinman for a long time , because he seemed so friendly and smiley and yet just a little sad . He seemed like he had a story to tell . Laney sat down , smiling too . " I - I hope it 's not too forward , " she said shyly . " But Janetta said you were someone who might be able to help me . " " I … " She paused , and looked down for a moment at her hands folded in her lap . " I came in on one of the transports from Ritika . And … and I 'm trying to settle in . " She looked around at the bright courtyard , with its fountain and flowers and statuary . " It 's very beautiful here , " she said . " But sometimes I worry . " At the mention of the Ritika transports , Mr . Steinman 's pleasant expression had suffused with absolute compassion . " I see , " he said softly . He reached out one wrinkled hand and patted Laney 's . " You should call me Victor , " he said . " What is it , " he asked her , " that you worry about ? " " A lot of things , " Laney said . His hand on hers was very comforting , even though she had never spoken to him before today . " I worry that Cal is still alive and will find me . I worry that I shouldn 't have escaped from Ritika , even though it 's so much more beautiful here , and so quiet and good . I - I worry that I don 't deserve all this kindness . " She stopped , tears in her eyes that she hoped he didn 't see . Why on earth was she telling him this ? What on earth was he supposed to do about any of it ? Why did Janetta think he could help me with any of this ? But Mr . Steinman - Victor - didn 't seem bothered by her words , or by the notion that he was supposed to offer her something helpful . He seemed instead to know exactly what she was talking about , and to feel entirely sympathetic toward her . He patted her hands again , and then reached into the bag of bread crumbs and tossed a handful at the collection of pigeons in front of the bench . " When I was a little boy , " he said , tossing a second handful . " My father and brother disappeared - I learned much later that they were arrested by the Nazis , and killed . My mother and I decided to leave our village , but the Nazis intercepted us , and my mother forced me to run away without her . " He gazed at Laney , who was staring back at him with wide eyes - she had heard of the Nazis , even in Ritika . " I never saw her again , " he went on . " I did as she said , and ran to the west , and I didn 't stop until I got to a city where the Allies were in charge . " He tossed a third handful of crumbs . " It was a long time - looking back , I think it must have been nearly a month . I ate what I could find in the woods , and got sick on that more than a few times ; I was always so cold , even when the sun was shining . By the time I found the Allies , I didn 't know who to trust or what to do . I missed my mother , and I didn 't know she had been killed until twelve years later . I just kept hoping and hoping , and relying on the kindness of strangers , and wishing I could go back in time and bring my mother with me out of our village . " He sighed . " It was years before I really landed anywhere , and years more before I had made peace with the fact that I was the last member of our little family . " Victor laughed , an incongruous sound in the wake of such an emotional story . " It was many long years ago , " he told her . " I lived my life , and made a new family . I have children now , and grandchildren , and great - grandchildren . " He put his hand on hers again . " My Sonya 's heart gave out seven months ago , and so I 've been a little sad , but I know I 'll see her again , and my mother and father , and my brother . " He put his arm around Laney 's shoulders . " And I know - because it is what I would have wanted if our places were reversed - that they want me to be happy . My mother sent me into the woods that day so that I could grow up and be happy ; it was all she had left . " He leaned close to Laney , and gazed into her eyes . " I have to be happy , for my mother , " he explained . " And you have to be happy , for all the people who wanted that for you . " Laney blinked tears away . " I left Cal to die , " she said , so quietly that Victor could hardly hear her . " But he wasn 't going to let me go . He was going to pretend to let me go , but then he was going to make me go back to another place like Ritika . I had to leave him . I had to escape . " Victor understood all too well the feelings she had not put into words . " Yes , you did , " he said . " You did . " He hugged her closer . " And now you have a good life . " He handed her the bag of crumbs . " Cal didn 't have to choose what he chose . " " Neither did I , " Laney protested . " I could have gone with him , and escaped from him later , somehow . " She sobbed . " But I think - I think - Cal wasn 't a very good person . He wanted to keep everything the way it was , and … I didn 't like the way it was . I don 't think it was very good at all , and people died all the time . " She shook her head forlornly . " But maybe that wasn 't for me to decide . " " It was yours as much as anyone 's , " Victor told her . " You chose what you chose because you thought it was good . And that 's … " He chuckled , and hugged her tighter . " That 's all we get sometimes . That 's the best we can do . " Laney took the bag of breadcrumbs and pulled out a handful . " I want to be okay , " she said , and tossed the crumbs to the eager birds . Even though she didn 't really know Mr . Steinman - Victor - very well , and even though she felt that she had brought up unhappy memories for him , she felt closer to him than to anyone else she had met since she left Ritika . She laid her head down on his shoulder and threw another clump of crumbs . |
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